#this is based off of another contemplated version of the plot

[quibble-auk]

@thebrokenmechanicalpencil

I finally did it. All of the boys get to be together again. Isn’t that wonderful? Aren’t we so happy about that?

Don’t you just love killing off characters so you can feel some semblance of closure for the story. Like yes, it’s finally done. But it’s not, I’ve still not written or explained half of it.

But I know how it ends. :D

Yeah, I didn’t proofread it, sorry for any errors. And I’m praying that the pacing is alright and everything makes sense.

—

Warnings!!!

Real shocker there’s death.

—

The small office Jeopardy sat in was dark. Any light the moon might have offered through the narrow window was shunned by the closed blinds, casting the room in a heavy gloom. The only illumination came from a dim desk lamp and the sterile glow of a bright monitor. Music lulled in through transported speakers, faint and delicate.

It wasn’t Jeopardy's usual workspace. He had been relocated to the north wing of the hospital when the mysterious plague first broke out—a wing hastily converted into a quarantine zone, where the sick and the dying were kept away from the rest of the population like forgotten ghosts.

Jeopardy was among the first medical officers exposed to the new virus, something that at first seemed like a minor anomaly—some strange mechanical hiccup, degenerating and corroding plating and accompanied by faulty joints. He had been mid-operation, performing a complex joint transplant on what became Patient Zero, when the mech had suddenly offlined. No warning, no instability in the vitals—just silence and a blinking red error across the interface.

At the time, he and his colleagues had chalked it up to a hardware failure due to negligence. But within hours, more patients began to fail in similar ways. Not just malfunctions—systems were shutting down without traceable causes. There was no identifiable strain, not one that they could recognize anyway. They weren’t equipped to identify viruses like this, plagues had been eradicated long before the war began.

But entire wards had been locked down within days.

Now reassigned to the infected wing, Jeopardy found himself behind containment barriers, technically quarantined though not incapacitated. They had no choice—he had already been exposed, and though mostly asymptomatic, no one could say for certain what that meant anymore. The virus wasn’t behaving predictably. It didn’t spread like a pathogen or function like a software bug. It was something in between, and that made it all the more terrifying.

Though Jeopardy’s field had nothing to do with virology or infectious disease—he was a reconstructive mech-surgeon by training—they couldn’t risk transferring him back to his old post. It wasn’t just about protecting others. It was also because, deep down, the hospital administration understood they needed every capable mind available in the isolation zone.

And it wasn’t like Jeopardy was unfamiliar with this kind of medical work, the old mech had been around long enough that he knew how to work in other fields. He had dabbled in all kinds of medical work during the war, and even after it. Not to mention he had treated plenty of diseases and viruses for his organic companions, the descendants of his old friend Cometeater, a Pretender. This knowledge of infectious diseases did give him an advantage over his colleagues.

Jeopardy supposed that was why he was spending so many sleepless nights pouring himself into his work. His time was running short, the plating on his chest already starting to discolor—it meant he was entering into the third stage of infection—he needed to find a cure.

He hadn’t told anyone about the discoloration.

Not yet.

The pallid corrosion spreading across his chestplate was easy enough to cover up with some paint and the occasional joint stiffness he passed off as old age. It wasn't a total lie—Jeopardy was old. His frame was an outdated model, patched and upgraded over the decades, more scrap and memory than anything off a modern assembly line. But the creeping disintegration along his core systems wasn’t age. It was the virus, carving through him like rust with purpose.

Jeopardy watched the simulation run a few more times, let the computer analyze and run tests on the samples he had collected. He clicked the reanalyze button and leaned back, absently tapping along to the beat of the song that played faintly in the room. He sucked in a breath, holding it as the results slowly loaded onto the screen in front of him. He would need to do more personal verification but he had run the machine and gotten a green “cured” result three times now.

He stared at the blinking green word—CURED—his optics narrowing as if willing it to stay true. Three times now. Three separate samples. Three different infection stages.

But he didn’t let himself hope. Not yet.

Jeopardy leaned back in his chair, the joints in his shoulders groaning with the motion. He’d run enough simulations during the war to know how easily false positives could slip through. Especially when the virus in question didn’t behave like anything catalogued before. Still, the samples were stabilizing. Corrosion halted. Regeneration markers returning to baseline. It wasn’t just a patch—it was reversal.

A cure.

He let the breath out slowly, his chassis vibrating faintly with the motion. His plating quivered despite himself. It was a fragile victory, not yet real. Not until he could reproduce it in a physical subject.

The medic let himself smile regardless, it was still progress and the closest thing they had. He plugged in a data chip, quickly downloading the data before continuing with his tests—Jeopardy has had his data accidentally wiped due to a crash too many times to let something like this go unsaved on a personal file. He hummed along to the music as he began to write more diagnostics. He scooted his chair across the long desk and fiddled with some machinery as he prepared for more in depth tests.

A flicker of movement in the reflection of a dim screen caught his eye.

Almost instinctively his medical scanners flared to life. While it wasn’t their technical purpose, Dropmix had taught him ages ago that he could use his integrated scanners for identifying other mechs—similar to how a guardian frame’s scanners worked—and it had become a habit. He reached out, searching for spark signatures around the room absently. It was late, but possible for a nurse to have slipped in to check on his progress or converse.

There was no spark signal, however, nor heat signature.

Jeopardy went back to his work, imputing some data before letting the machine whir to life. It hummed as it began running scanning for more detailed results. The medic continued his quiet humming as he pushed himself back to his monitor, pulling up a blank report to start filling out with his findings.

The cursor blinked on the blank report, waiting for his input, but Jeopardy didn’t start typing. Not right away. He had heard a small tapping noise, slightly off beat from the music, he looked down at his still fingers. He wasn’t attempting to tap along with the rhythm, someone else had to be—but the noise was padded, it didn’t belong to a metal hand of a mech.

He let his heat sensors surge out again, seeking the darkness for any sign of organic life while he kept his attention on the screen before him. There were no hot spots that would indicate another presence in the room—not of a traditional organic anyway. Jeopardy pulled his plating tight against himself for a moment, sucking in a breath as he narrowed his eyes.

In a single fluent motion he spun the chair around slowly, optics moving over the dark room in search of anything out of place. The shadows in the room didn’t move, didn’t shift. Jeopardy frowned, hand moving slowly to pull the data chip out of the computer's port and stash it in the small toolbox of his wrist.

He stood.

Jeopardy’s hand rested on his side, over where his pistol sat—Dropmix’s pistol, one that he had found stashed away that was disguised as a medical tool. It was a bit large but it got the job done. He looked around the room again, scanners seeking for something.

The medic knew that tension was high between Cybertronians and other species in the galactic council, they always had been, but recently there had been news of a potential threat. Jeopardy along with a few of his colleagues had begun to suspect that the current virus they were dealing with could have been synthesized by this other race. If Jeopardy was getting close to a cure there was reason to believe that he could be targeted.

The other race was reptilian by nature, cold blooded. They wouldn’t show up as hot spots on heat sensors, they wouldn’t show up at all, their body temperature would match their surroundings. They would be undetectable to all of his medical scanners.

Jeopardy pulled his pistol out, keeping the disguised weapon held downwards in case someone walked in—his scanners informed him there was currently no one close to the office. There was no one to interrupt. Jeopardy took a hesitant step forward, plating flaring defensively as he looked around the room again. Organics were typically small and easy to look over and there were plenty of places to hide in the office.

He scanned the room one more time, this time not with tech, but with instinct. He had learned over the years that no amount of calibration or sensor strength could replace the simple feeling of being watched. And right now, that feeling crept over his frame like nanomites.

The weapon in his hand warmed slightly, ready to power up at a moment's notice. The desk, the cabinets, even the ventilation shaft above the sealed maintenance closet—all places someone could hide, especially if they were trained. Or worse, if they were patient. The medic flinched as the equipment next to him dinged softly, the results were done.

Jeopardy should know better than to turn his back on a device that would give a small organic cover. He blinked, plates pressing tightly against him and cold dread washed over him, he lifted the pistol up, clicking the safety off with a practiced ease. His spark thrummed in his chest and his finger absently tapped out an old lullaby on the side of his gun. He didn’t have time to panic or let his anxiety get the best of him.

It was too soon for the results to be done.

Someone had stopped it from scanning.

The medic twisted around, raising his pistol to the level of the device and firing at the dark figure that stood next to it on the desk. The loud ring of gunfire echoed in the room, rattling his plates and making a small tremor run through his hands. He flinched, Jeopardy had never liked to fight, he never wanted to hurt others. But he needed to protect what he had discovered or more mechs would die.

The dark figure crumbled, the scent of burning flesh sat thickly in the back of Jeopardy’s throat and he fought the urge to gag. He let out a shaken breath, tapping the lullaby and humming to himself as he tried to calm himself. His hands shook as he stared at the small organic now laying still on the desk.

His vents hitched as his plates shivered. Jeopardy swallowed thickly, forcing himself to take a step towards the broken body. Guilt was already eating away at his spark, a strained whine escaping his throat as he looked at the still form.

He had killed them.

Jeopardy felt sick, his chest aching as his fingers numbed. The medic lowered his pistol, flicking the safety back on and let his frame shake with stressed, silent cries. He had killed before but it never became easier. He still hated it. His medical programs surged to life, already infringing him of the damage he had caused.

He didn’t have time to mourn the loss any further.

A whisper of air moved behind him.

Too soft for servos. Too measured for machinery. It came not from the vents or his overworked systems but from the subtle shift of weight on metal flooring—bare flesh against steel.

Jeopardy’s optics widened. He turned—

—but not fast enough.

A sharp crack! rang out, impossibly loud in the cramped, silent room.

The old mech yelped as pain lanced through his side, right under his auxiliary plating. The weapon was small, silent, and surgical in its intention. Not designed to destroy—designed to incapacitate. Disable.

Electricity surged through his systems, his plates flared out as his vents hitch painfully. Heat and discomfort raced over his lines and he staggered, gasping out and reaching to brace his faltering body on the desk. He tried to flick the safety of his gun off again, but his fingers weren’t responding correctly, they shook and kept locking up. Panic sprang through him, making his spark skip and thrum even louder in his constricting chest. The medic grit his teeth and looked at the source of the weapon.

The hooded figure fired another round, this time it landed on Jeopardy’s chest, right next to where a red “x” had been painted on to show that he had been exposed. Jeopardy cried out again, pain rippling through his systems. His joints locked mid-motion as the round burrowed deep, its contents flooding through his internal systems like acid through old pipes.

Jeopardy staggered forward, his hand loosening on the pistol as his knees hit the ground with a brutal clang. His optics flickered violently, vision narrowing to a red-tinged tunnel. His systems screamed at him—an internal alarm louder than the gunshot itself—but his limbs wouldn’t respond. Warnings flared across his hud, his vents wheezing with stress.

He crumpled to the ground, hissing in pain as he looked around for his aggressor. His spark was impossibly loud, his plates quivering violently as panic settled within his chest.

Another splintering crack rang out and this time Jeopardy’s computer was the target. Any information on it was lost as it burst into an electrical flame, systems overheating and failing. It sparked as metal and plastic alloys warped to the heat.

There was only one copy of the cure left.

Jeopardy’s optics tried to focus through the error haze, HUD alerts crowding his vision with red and white symbols. Critical system failure imminent. Neuro-signal degradation at 37%. He ignored them, forcing his servos to twitch. He still had the failsafe under the desk. The gunshots must have been heard elsewhere in the hospital. He could still—

The assassin crouched beside him.

They didn’t say anything, their slitted eyes quickly examined Jeopardy’s seizing frame. He groaned weakly, attempting to pull away from the attacker but his limbs remained useless and unresponsive. The medic could feel his energon hit and slick below him, painting his chest and the ground a sickly magenta.

The organic reached out, two fingers delicately brushing against the slot on Jeopardy’s wrist. It knew where the data chip was—a total wave of fear washed over Jeopardy as he struggled to pull his wrist away. His movement was too slow, too sluggish and weak to get it out of the other’s grasp. He whined, vocalizer clicking and chirping uselessly as he failed to form words.

The assassin's fingers slid over the edge of Jeopardy's wrist compartment with a precision that made his plating crawl. A soft click. A hiss of depressurization. The compartment opened—too easily.

The chip was exposed.

No—no, no, no.

Jeopardy’s entire body screamed with effort as he forced his good arm to twist, to clamp down over the slot, protect it—anything. But his servos only jittered uselessly. His fingers twitched like dying organics.

The organic was going to take it—Jeopardy was going to lose his one chance to save people.

The assassin didn’t hesitate.

Their hand darted in, prying the chip loose from Jeopardy’s wrist with an efficiency born of practice. They held it up to the low lamplight, narrow eyes glinting as they turned it between their fingers. The soft hum of the hospital’s power grid and the faint music still bleeding through the speakers were the only sounds filling the silence.

Jeopardy gurgled, trying to rise. His frame jerked once—twice—then failed, sagging with a heavy creak as sparks danced along his spine. His processor lagged, struggling to maintain control over basic systems. More clicks escaped him, another pained whine joined the abstract noises. He had lost, they had the cure.

More mechs would die—his mechs, the ones he had trained and cared for, his colleagues and peers, possibly even the Pretenders he had spent his lifetime watching over.

He couldn’t let them destroy that chip.

Not while he still had a functioning spark.

With a final desperate act, Jeopardy accessed the hardwired emergency override in his core—an ancient, wartime backup system buried beneath years of upgrades and adjustments. It wasn’t elegant. It wasn’t fast. But it was brutal.

A harsh grinding whir erupted deep inside his chest as a jolt of raw energy surged through his failing frame, overriding safeties, bypassing locked systems. His HUD flickered violently, momentarily blanking to black. When it returned, the alerts were still there—but dimmer, distant. He had seconds, maybe less.

With a rasping groan, Jeopardy's arm moved—not much, but enough. He twisted his arm, plates spasming as he moved, the assassin didn’t expect him to move. They didn’t react fast enough. They yelped as his hand crashed into their side, pressing them into the ground brutally. A pained scream escaped their scaly lips as Jeopardy forced himself to move, shifting his weight to his arm, to the hand that was pressed flat against the smaller creature’s chest.

The mech cut off his optics, reworking the power to his movement. He could hear something pop and crack beneath his hand, the organics pained wheezing breaths as its chest was compressed under the weight of his hand. Jeopardy tried not to think about it as another scream split the air. The medic choked on nothing, his spark skipping at the sound. Grief seized his chest and guilt swamped his panicking mind.

He ignored it.

Just a little more.

The assassin clawed at his wrist, trying to twist away, but Jeopardy's arm locked like a vice. His own pain was blinding—his circuits burning, his memory caches fragmenting—but he didn’t let go. Couldn’t. He was running on pure instinct now, muscle memory from a war long past and a promise he had once made to never stand by while others suffered.

The data chip was still in the assassin’s hand.

Jeopardy’s optics flickered open again, staticky and dim. His HUD was barely functioning now, warning banners sluggishly sliding across his vision. The world was a blur of dim lamplight and the ugly, rapid pulse of the intruder’s heartbeat. He could see it in the soft flesh of their throat. Could hear it. Could feel it.

With the last of Jeopardy’s strength he grunted and pressed down even more. The organic screamed again—louder this time—as a sick crunching noise rattled through Jeopardy’s frame. The mech whimpered at the noise, eyes closed tightly as he let himself fall limp. Guilt ate at his core, he could feel the organic’s blood stick to his plating, thick and foul smelling. Jeopardy shuddered, a pained cry escaping him.

The assassin didn’t move again.

The room fell into silence, save for the fading echo of the scream, the soft, rattling vents of the medic’s own failing systems, and the gentle lulling of music, deceptively calm.

Jeopardy stayed like that, slumped over the still form, the crackling hiss of damaged circuitry rising from his joints. His body trembled from the strain, from the residual current still arcing through his limbs. The override had bought him a few seconds—nothing more—and now the backlash was arriving in waves. His chest plating was blistering from the heat, inner coolant lines ruptured and leaking. Smoke curled from one of his side vents.

But the chip was still in the room.

When a nurse came in to check on him they would find it, the cure was still theirs. There was still hope.

Jeopardy hadn’t failed.

His vision dimmed further, and though his limbs were dead weight, his spark—weak and sputtering—still pulsed steady. Faint, but not extinguished. The data chip, slick with organic blood and smudged with soot, had slipped from the assassin’s hand in their final moments. It now rested just beneath Jeopardy’s outstretched arm, the glint of its casing catching the flickering desk lamp like a beacon.

He should have been afraid of the ever creeping darkness in the back of his mind, he had been for so long—the idea of dying had terrified him, there was still too much to do. But he was older now, more tired, dare he admit it, Jeopardy was ready. He hadn’t failed, he had earned his rest. Just like Dropmix had, and Coo and Cometeater, the twins, like all of the mech’s old friends had.

Jeopardy weakly smiled to himself, his vision finally fizzling out into darkness as his optics failed. The music was nice and slow, gently whispering to him, keeping him company. He didn’t have the energy to hum along, or tap. For a moment he could have sworn he could hear a different melody being tapped into his plates—which had gone strangely numb—an old lullaby Jeopardy knew too well.

He could hear Dropmix humming softly, feel his heavy hand on his shoulder, fingers tapping gently on his plating. Just like he had done countless times before, slowly lulling Jeopardy off to sleep.

And so, Jeopardy slept.

[defectivevillain]

coffee and cake

pairing: Han Solo/Reader

reader's gender and race are ambiguous; no pronouns or physical descriptors are used.

summary: You don’t want to make a huge deal about your birthday, so you don’t tell anyone when the day arrives. Unfortunately for you, a certain smuggler figures it out. 

word count: 2.3k | ao3 version

warnings: mentions of alcohol & drinking, cursing.

notes: Usually my writing is self-indulgent, but this is next level, y’all. My birthday is today. And I want Han Solo to celebrate with me, goddammit.

The reader likes coffee and gets a birthday cake. Because I like coffee and getting birthday cakes. And again, this is self-indulgent. LOL.

Han may be a little bit out of character…? I like portraying him as a suave person who is secretly sort of awkward and trying to make a good impression in front of the reader. Expect fluff with little to no meaningful plot.

enjoy! <3

Within five minutes of your return to Yavin 4, you’re being accosted by Han Solo, the smuggler-turned-rebel ally. When your eyes find him, you have to wonder what your life would have been like if you had never met him. Things have changed a lot since your first encounter—and Han has been there for you every step of the way. While the two of you were closer to rivals at first, you soon became friends. Now, your relationship lies submerged in a precarious balance between platonic friendship and something more. At least, that’s what you think. You may be overanalyzing things, though. Han has always been a touchy person—a hand on your forearm, an arm around your shoulder, a hug after a successful mission. You never characterized those gestures as anything more than platonic until recently—when a lighthearted jab from another pilot left you contemplating the exact nature of your relationship with Han. 

You’re so overtaken with thought that you don’t notice Han sidling up to you until he’s standing close enough for you to nearly trip over him. You barely manage to avoid crashing into him as you take off your helmet and place it near your Starfighter, before looking over at him. “Hey, Han,” you greet him. “What’s up?”

“We’ve got a problem,” he frowns, slinging his arm around your shoulders and leading you through the landing area and down the hall of the base. You glance back at your abandoned Starfighter helplessly, hoping you’ll remember to check back on it later today.  

“Where are you taking me?” You feel the need to ask moments later, as Han continues to navigate you through the rebel base with ease. 

Han continues leading you through the hall until he promptly stops in his tracks, evidently contemplating your question. “Today’s your birthday,” he says, his brows furrowing. 

It takes you a few moments to realize that he’s waiting for a confirmation. “Yes,” you remember to respond. 

“You didn’t tell anyone,” Han frowns, looking weirdly offended. You just shrug wordlessly. Han mutters something along the lines of “Unbelievable,” before leading you down the corner and into a room you’ve only been into a few times: the bar. Typically, a rebel base wouldn’t be outfitted with such an unnecessary luxury. But, when morale is low, many Rebel fighters go to the bar to commiserate with friends and remember who they’re fighting for. 

Han leads you towards the stools near the bar counter and you take a seat, watching him sit next to you and wink at the bartender. At least, you think you see him wink—it happens so quickly that you have to wonder if you imagined it. The bartender retreats, before returning seconds later with two glasses in hand. They slide them towards you and you murmur a word of gratitude.

“Happy birthday to the best damn pilot in the galaxy,” Han says, turning towards you and lifting his glass. You inspect your glass, pleasantly surprised to find cold brew coffee. You raise a brow at Han, who attempts to look innocent. He doesn’t do a very good job of it, and eventually abandons the pretense to explain himself. “I know you like your coffee.” He says, a nearly imperceptible note of fondness in his exasperated tone. You clink your glass against his, before taking a sip. You don’t think you’re doing the best job of hiding the smile on your face, but thankfully, Han seems too preoccupied with draining his glass—which, upon closer inspection, appears to be a Naboo Sunset. 

“Wait, I thought you said you were the best pilot in the galaxy,” you then say jokingly, leveling him with an expectant look. 

“Usually, yes,” Han acquiesces, taking a break from drinking to send you a devilish smile. You have to put effort into ignoring the way your heart races at the gesture. He continues, immune to your internal panic. “But not today.” He says, before continuing to drink out of his glass. You watch for a few seconds in surprised silence as he continues to chug his drink. 

Eventually, you start to get concerned—as he doesn’t even stop to catch a breath. “Han, slow down-” You try to say. Han freezes and sets the glass back down, many emotions flickering across his face at lightspeed . Then he starts to wince, as if the cold temperature of the drink is settling in his throat uncomfortably. “Why’d you do that?” You ask as you squint at him. You’ve always known Han to be rather reckless, but that strange show seemed out of character.

Something close to regret passes over his face, before it’s replaced with a grimace. Han avoids your gaze for a moment, before meeting your eyes and taking a deep breath. You hold your cold glass, feeling the need to ground yourself in reality. “I wanted to impress you.” He mutters under his breath darkly. You stare at him in disbelief and Han stares right back, realization evidently striking him as he learns that he just spoke his thoughts aloud. 

“Anyway,” Han drawls, as if he hadn’t just been vulnerable by accident. You decide to pretend that nothing happened and go along with the subject change. He seems grateful, as he regains his composure and continues to speak. “Any grand plans?” 

“Nah,” you say with a shake of your head. “I don’t like making my birthday a big deal.”

“That’s what they’re for,” Han huffs in amusement, crossing his arms over the bar counter. He motions for two waters and the bartender appears moments later, sliding the glasses across the counter. Han tips them before turning back to you, mirth sparkling in his eyes. “Mine’s a holiday. Lasts the whole week.”

“I’m sure it does,” you murmur with a lighthearted roll of your eyes. On second thought, you think you can remember Han’s last birthday. He had waltzed around the base with seemingly infinite energy, proclaiming that he was taking the whole week off. Leia had promptly hit him upside the head. You smile at the memory. “Besides, some of us don’t want the attention.”

“Weird,” Han grins. 

“I know you can’t relate,” you scoff sarcastically. Han raises his hands in mock surrender. 

“I got you a little something,” Han says a few seconds later, breaking through the surprisingly comfortable silence that clung to the air. The bartender walks over and places a plate in front of you, before walking away. You look down to find silverware next to a small birthday cake. The cake is modest and perfectly sized. You feel a smile threatening to overtake your lips. 

“Aw, it’s so cute,” you say, looking over to Han. “Thanks.” You stare down at it, knowing you won’t be able to eat all of it. “Want to split it?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Han grins wickedly. You try to give him the knife, but he insists that the person with the birthday has to cut it. You cut the cake in half and dole it out onto conveniently situated plates. When you take a bite, you’re unsurprised to find that the cake is really good. You say as much to Han, who nods in agreement before a sheepish smile overtakes his face. “I baked it myself,” he admits. You scrutinize the look on his face for a moment. 

“No, you didn’t,” you then huff. 

“No, I didn’t,” Han agrees with a chuckle, seemingly impressed with your deduction. “Can’t bake for shit. How’d you know?”

“I just know you,” you shrug. You don’t realize the significance of that statement until a few seconds later. Han isn’t staring at you with scrutiny, though, so you think you’re fine. Besides, it’s your birthday—you shouldn’t be overthinking such small things. 

“Do you?” Han hums goodnaturedly. “If you know me so well, then what am I going to say next?” He challenges you. 

“‘Happy birthday,’” you guess. It’s a pretty pathetic guess, but you honestly have no idea where he’s going with this. 

“I was going to say… that I’m really glad we became friends.” Han corrects you. Suddenly his infinitely comfortable and composed persona seems to fade away, and you notice traces of doubt and uncertainty. Han shifts in his seat; his fingers steadily drum against the counter. 

“You sure?” You say with an awkward laugh that feels forced. Your heart is thundering in your chest as you try to stifle your hopes. You must be misinterpreting things. “That doesn’t sound like you.” You joke weakly, taking another bite of cake in an attempt to get yourself to stop talking. 

“I’m serious,” Han says with a frown that looks exaggerated. You don’t think you’ve seen him look frustrated like this before. “Listen. I… care about you. A lot.” You blink at him in stunned silence. “Leia’s been giving me kark about it for months.” Han is holding his glass on the counter and staring down into it as he speaks—as if he’s searching its depths. He seems weirdly uncomfortable with eye contact now. “Telling me to confess and everything. I didn’t want to do this on your birthday, but it’s been hard to keep it a secret-” He trails off.  

Out of the corner of your eye, you see a shadow looming in the doorway and flinch hard. Stumbling in surprise, you just barely avoid a collision with the bar counter thanks to Han’s quick reflexes. His hands bracket your waist briefly and his eyes dance with amusement. For a moment, you swear he’s leaning closer to you. Just as you notice, however, the expression on his face promptly fades and morphs into confusion. You glance at the doorway again, only to find Chewbacca. You don’t think you’ve ever spoken with the Wookiee, since you don’t know how Shyriiwook. You decide to send him a quick wave anyway, and Chewbacca lets out a short howl. 

“Chewie?” Han asks, placing a hand on his chest, “You scared the kriff out of us.” Chewie growls in Shyriiwook; all you can comprehend is the exasperated expression on his face and the way his gaze flits between Han and you. 

“What’s he saying?” You decide to ask Han. An interesting expression passes over Han’s face—one surprisingly close to embarrassment. It’s an uncharacteristic look for the typically suave smuggler. You find that you like it. After all, Han’s displays of vulnerability are quite rare. In fact, the only times you think you’ve seen him abandon his uncaring mask were when you got hurt on missions or when complications arose in battle. You promptly file that thought away, promising to consider it at a later date. 

“Nothing,” Han answers with a shake of his head, drawing you from your thoughts. “Come on, Chewie. I’m kind of in the middle of something.” He looks pleadingly at the Wookiee, who almost seems to smile smugly before departing. Han watches him leave, shaking his head before returning his attention to you. “Now, where were we…?” He asks, before sighing in evident resignation. “Right, my feelings.”

“I feel like such a kriffing idiot in front of you. I’ve never felt so damn self-conscious—picking my every action apart and overthinking all of it… And I’ve never had such strong feelings about someone before.” 

“I think that covers it,” Han says, placing his hands on the counter and pushing himself to his feet. It suddenly seems like he’s in a rush to leave, as he pays you one last glance. “Happy birthday.” He looks torn and troubled, before he forces a smile and makes for the door. 

“Han,” you interject, leaving your seat and standing near him. Han freezes mid-departure, turning around to face you. “You didn’t even give me a chance to respond.”

“I don’t need to hear you reject me.” He mutters, glancing over your shoulder as if looking for an excuse to end the conversation. Unfortunately for him, you’re stubborn and persistent. 

“Han,” you say, drawing his attention back to you. Han shoves his hands in his pockets,a restlessness evident in his posture. “I have feelings for you too.” You finally admit. And somehow, you feel lighter after the confession. You hadn’t realized how heavily it weighed on your mind—how many nights you spent staring up at the ceiling and wishing you could do things differently.

“You hated me,” Han recalls, evidently thinking back to your first few encounters. You were kind of prickly with him, but his reputation had preceded him and you didn’t want to become friends with someone who didn’t take their job seriously. 

“I didn’t even know you,” you explain, the memories flickering before your eyes. “I thought you were just a playboy. But then I got to know you and realized that wasn’t true. You’re compassionate, clever, handsome…”

“Handsome?” Han interjects. 

“Surely you’ve heard that before,” you say. 

“Not from you,” he responds, as if that makes a big difference. For an immeasurable amount of time, there’s nothing but silence as the two of you stand frozen in place. 

You’re not sure who breaks the distance between you first. All you know is that you stare at each other for a long moment and something clicks. You practically crash into each other in your haste; Han’s lips meet yours and his hands return to your waist in a fluid, easy movement—as if they always belonged there. You bring a hand up to his cheek, slowly exploring the side of his face and stretching down to the nape of his neck. 

“Happy birthday,” Han says when you break apart, a smile tugging at his lips.  

“Thanks,” you respond breathlessly. 

“Just so you know,” Han starts, a mischievous smile growing on his face, “I’m expecting a lot of fanfare on my birthday.” 

“You realize it’s still my birthday,” you feel the need to remind him. 

“I thought you didn’t want it to be a big deal,” he remarks cheekily. 

You roll your eyes and pull him closer for another kiss.

thanks for reading! <3

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[fiftytwotwentytwo]

Survivor

Author: Chuck Palahniuk

Fiction / Dark Humor

Page Count: 289

How Did I Come Across This Book?:

Well, I am/was a big fan of the film Fight Club and I promise it is for the social commentary and satire and none of the frat boy/masculinity issues. As well, my sister had been a spokesperson for Chuck Palahniuk's (the author of Fight Club) books and stories for many years.

On and off over the years I would contemplate reading Palahniuk's work but nothing came to fruition - so one summer I sniffed out some of his short stories from magazines and I stumbled upon one his books in a local library - Pygmy.

Pygmy was something else - I would say it is a mix between Flowers for Algernon (book) and American Psycho (movie) - I read it in one sitting in the library. The book was not great but not bad - just different. I would say it was my first real intro to his writing style.

So over a decade ago, I was buzzing through Barnes and Noble and found a collection of Chuck Palahniuk's books and I decided to take a gamble and purchased a few books at random based solely on Chuck's name alone, but due to procrastination/laziness/lack of drive to read, I never read any of the books.

I decided to read this book this week due to a conversation I had and because I had preconceived notions towards the plot. I was completely, utterly wrong...

Review:

I will admit the beginning of the book took me a couple re-reads of passages to decipher what exactly was happening, but by chapter "3" everything clicked and it was smooth sailing.

Chuck's writing styling is fresh, and immensely dark compared to previous books I read this year, but it does hold up to his past stories that I have read.

His story, characters, scenes are well detailed - not too heavy, but still paint a vivid picture, and the pacing moves effortlessly with ebs and flows of "quirky" factual knowledge and dry, dark comedy. It is easy to see how this book or any of Palahniuk's other works can become instant cult classics (pun intended for the initiated). The structure and character profiles that Chuck has concocted is inspiring and lets readers and fans know there is definitely a niche for everyone.

If I had to describe Chuck's style - I would say it is a mezcla of an adult version of RL Stine (Goosebumps series) and a more grotesque/juvenile Stephen King - I mean these as compliments.

Again, the way the story flowed was refreshing and different, but as a full scale picture - I do not think this story will garnish another read through.

Personal Rating: 5/10

Yearly Book Total: 9

Total Page Count: 3,083 pages

[whitleyschn33]

Not Everything Can Be Wiped Away With A Hug

Or why I’m not happy with Weiss and Whitley’s reconciliation. 

Whitley and Weiss haven’t had a great relationship. From the first time we see him, the two are shown to not be comfortable with each other. Weiss’ tone when they meet is one of dismissiveness and wariness, even if the conversation ends on a technically hopeful note. As the show goes on, every interaction the two have is riddled with tension. Weiss accuses him of wanting her loss of status, Whitley gets angry and bites back. Whitley stops by her room to ask if she wants anything and twist the knife, Weiss asks if he’s jealous and slams the door in his face. When Weiss comes back at the party, she does everything she can to brush him off, clearly annoyed, while Whitley talks about what he’s been up to since she’s been gone. Weiss laughs when Whitley gets splashed with wine, Whitley storms off in a huff. Then Weiss comes back during the... siege(? I don’t know what to call this failed attempted at a Fall), commanders the house, shoves a weapon in Whitley’s face, sends him to his room like he’s a child, and then doesn’t acknowledge him again until he calls Klein. At which point she hugs him and all tensions disappears from their relationship. 

See what’s missing here? We have point A of massive hostility between the two with both parties having grievances with the other and point B of both parties having found a balance in their relationship. What’s missing is a strong connection between those two points. What’s missing is the meat of the actual arc, something between set up and pay off, and that’s ultimately the problem with their reconciliation. It wasn’t worked for, at least on Weiss’s end. There was no effort for any of their grievances to be addressed, talked about, and worked through. There was no point where they took the grievances that had been brought up and had the characters discuss or react to them in any meaningful way. It just fell into their laps - or rather, it fell mostly into Weiss’s lap. That’s the short version, anyway. Let’s discuss the long version.

In Volume 7, Weiss and Whitley’s relationship is tense, Weiss clearly annoyed and dismissive of her brother for being a snot towards her, and Whitley angry that Weiss ignores him and abandoned him to their neglectful/abusive parents. In episode 7, though, Willow flat out tells Weiss why Whitley acts the way he does to her. Willow gives us Whitley’s motivations - that he’s hurt and resentful towards Weiss. This is the set up for a reconciliation; Weiss has been given insight into Whitley’s point of view (had it literally shoved in her face), and has the chance to contemplate it so as to be able to find common ground later. 

Plot stuff happens, and the two are separated as Weiss deals with all that until Weiss needs a place to lay low. Armed with new information on Whitley’s disposition, Weiss... 

Whitley: Oh, you’ve picked a fine time to--

Weiss interrupts by pointing Myrtenaster at him, and he looks at the blade in fright.

Weiss: Not. Another. Word. We’re coming in.

Whitley steps aside and groans as Ruby’s group walks into the manor.

...threatens him after saying 7 words. Not even words of “you can’t come in” or anything to suggest he won’t let them in but, “oh great, this is a wonderful~ time to drop by”, venting frustration. Weiss doesn’t try anything else before shoving a weapon in his face (the face of an unarmed, defenseless, civilian minor that physically can’t stop her from coming in anyway) and forcing her way inside. 

Whitley: Things are already bad enough after what you did to father, now you want us to harbor fugitives too? Our family has a reputation.

He crosses his arms in annoyance. Blake, having set Nora down on the floor, looks at him.

Blake: That’s what you’re worried about? Your reputation?

Whitley: I’m just saying that we’ve already lost all the house staff, and Mother locked herself in her room.

Weiss: Maybe you haven’t figured out what’s going on, Whitley, but we’re busy trying to save Atlas.

Whitley continues to vent his frustration. Jacques, Whitley’s only source of familial attention, has been taken away by Weiss (”what you did to Father”), the staff has all vacated the estate (most likely a combination of their employer being carted away in the back of a military truck and then all hell breaking loose in Mantle and Atlas airspace), and Willow, the only other human being in the mansion, has locked herself in her room for several hours, up to almost 24 hours (I’m honestly lost on the timeline of this volume with how much it flip-flops between night and day, and I can’t be bothered to rewatch these episodes). 

Whitley has been left completely and utterly alone, and Weiss comes back not for him, but to use his resources to hide herself and her friends, all of which are wanted by the military. I don’t know what Atlesian policy is, but harboring fugitives is a crime punishable with prison sentences in the US, dependent on what the fugitive is charged with. She’s forcing him to risk being arrested and imprisoned for her crimes, after destroying his family’s reputation with Jacques’ arrest and causing everyone to vacate the manor and leaving him utterly alone (the way he follows up Blake’s response with “I’m just saying we’ve already lost all the house staff” makes me think he’s tying those two things together. With Jacques’s arrest, their reputation is falling, and everyone’s jumping ship, starting with the house staff. Any other family allies the Schnees might have legally and politically are likely to follow suit to save their own skin (ah, societal politics of the rich). Harboring fugitives and Whitley and possibly Willow arrested as well? The Schnees are sunk, dead in the water. They’re not getting out of that, they’ll be left to the dogs.). And how does Weiss respond?

Weiss: Maybe you haven’t figured out what’s going on, Whitley, but we’re busy trying to save Atlas. 

How in the absolute hell is he supposed to come to this conclusion? No, really, tell me. He knows two things: one, he knows there’s some kind of Grimm threat in the heatless Mantle and hovering around Atlas based on the news - maybe; we don’t know how much the news has reported about how bad it is outside of that one Mantle broadcast and how much Whitley has kept up with the news (he seems the type to absorb in as much information as possible, but he may not have been watching every waking second) - and two, he knows his sister and her friends have pissed off the military and are marked as fugitives. There is no way for him to know that the group of fugitives are doing anything to help Atlas, especially when he has no way to know what’s going on and what Weiss+co are up to. Weiss’ comment does nothing but imply that he’s too wrapped up in his own stuff to see the big picture, when he doesn’t have the knowledge that there’s even a big picture to look at. Rather than trying to reach out and reason with Whitley, Weiss snaps at him and treats him like he’s being self absorbed and shallow. His life is falling apart, he’s been left behind again by staff and his mother, and Weiss doesn’t just not respond to it, she gets mad at him for it. It’s Ruby that has to step up and tell him that they just need a place for their friend to heal and then they’ll leave (which turns out to be a bold-faced lie, but that’s another post). 

Whitley relents then, and asks what they want him to do. Weiss then tells him to “go to his room”. Let’s set this up - we don’t know how old Whitley is, but we can guess based on Weiss’s age. Weiss is 19, and Whitley is likely 2 to 3 years younger, as he seems a bit older than Oscar but most likely more than a year younger than Weiss. That makes Whitley at least 16 years old, possibly 17. Whitley is either just a year younger or the same age as Ruby, the girl Weiss is blindly following as a leader. Whitley is not a child. A minor, probably, but not a child (I consider “child” to be 12 and under, and minor to be 13 - 16/17 (depending on what the age of maturity is in Remnant, which I’ve always considered to be 17 based on Beacon admission ages) btw to clarify). Yet, Weiss tells the boy that she has no legal or emotional authority over that’s about the same age as her leader to go to his room, treating him like he’s a petulant child. She doesn’t want to have to deal with him, so she shunts him aside - makes it clear that she’s not going to break his isolation, she wants him out of her way. Alone.

The relationship between Weiss and Whitley was already tense and hostile, but this pushes that to the next level. Before, it was hurt feelings and snipping - valid hurt feelings on both sides - but this has escalated it. Physical threats of violence, forcing him into committing a possible felony, and then dismissing him like he’s a child shows a lack of respect for Whitley, and is the exact opposite of working towards reconciliation. I wouldn’t be surprised if Whitley’s anger and resentment towards his sister grew after this; that would be my reaction. 

“But wait!” You might be thinking. “That’s not really fair to Weiss - she’s worried about Nora who’s possibly dying and about being followed by Atlas’ military. She just wants to get under cover as fast as possible and then get to helping Nora! She’s stressed and tense, it makes sense that she’d be brusque to Whitley; we shouldn’t judge her so harshly.” To which I say - character is the choices you make under pressure, not when everything is just fine. Weiss resorting to the threat of violence immediately against someone she knows is no threat when faced with a tense situation where some diplomacy and respect would go a long way, it’s not a good look for who she is as a person. But alright, let’s play that game. Weiss is too worried about Nora to deal with Whitley at the moment. She gets Nora to bed, starts treating her as best she can, and then... 

Nothing. Weiss doesn’t speak to Whitley again until he calls Klein for Nora, presumably a day later (once again, I’m not entirely sure. They arrive at what I believe is sunset, Amity happening that night, then the sun rising or setting in Midnight (?) and in War it’s night again as Klein arrives, so I think that this has  to be the next night but it’s extremely difficult to tell and causes a crap ton of plot holes, thanks a lot CRWBY (I might skim through each episode to put together just how broken the timeline is)). That’s 24 hours where Weiss didn’t decide to ask Ruby or Blake (who I would have thought would be the one to have the most first aid knowledge of the three with her militia group experience) to watch over Nora for a few minutes while she seeks out Whitley to talk to him. 24 hours where she didn’t choose to apologize for threatening him, or go to talk to him about what’s going on, or follow up on Willow’s request, or ask if their mother is even alive still if she’s been locked up drinking for over a day, probably 2 (again, the timeline is fucked up). That’s not “I’m rushing and being harsher than I normally would out of concern for my friend”, that’s “I don’t regret or care about how I’ve treated my brother; I don’t see any reason to reach out to him” (And as side note - if Weiss had gone to see Whitley earlier, letting him know just how bad of shape Nora was in, Whitley might have called Klein earlier. By talking to her brother, Weiss could have gotten Nora the help she needed sooner, but she didn’t).

This is the next conversation Weiss and Whitley have after she threatens him and sends him to his room. I know I spent far too long breaking it down, but that was just one incident, the only one between  between Willow telling Weiss to not forget Whitley and their hug.

Weiss: You called Klein?

Whitley: That girl needs a doctor. (turns away from Weiss) I didn’t do it for you.

Weiss: I know. That’s why it means so much to me.

Whitely gasps as Weiss steps forward to hug him. After some hesitation, he sighs and embraces her back. Weiss gasps when she and the others hear an explosion from outside.

That’s it. That’s their reconciliation. After this point, Whitley shows no anger towards Weiss or brings up his issues with her, so we’re meant to think that this is it, the Weiss-Whitley reconciliation is over.

Now, on Weiss’s side, I could see this putting Whitley in her good graces (maybe). Weiss’ grievances with Whitley boil down to hurt feelings over him being a snot about her loss of inheritance and being annoying. Whitley was being a jerk about it when he came around in V4E9 to twist the knife, but we know why he did that (he was pushing his own situation in Weiss’s face, a “see how you like it, being stuck here alone like I was” type thing), Weiss does get an explanation for it later from Willow, and at the end of the day, that’s all he did. He didn’t betray her, act against her, try and get her in trouble with Jacques - he didn’t do anything to her. Gloating at the role reversal is petty, yes, but it’s not like Weiss doesn’t attempt to fire right back, and it’s not like she wasn’t plenty rude to him when accusing him of wanting it to happen. Weiss mentions “you never liked me” in V4E7, but we never get anything more specific than that, and implies that he was just bitter and snippy with her like he is in V4E9. Theoretically he could have been an absolute terror before, but since we’re never shown any of this or given any examples, it’s difficult to factor in anything Whitley may have done before V4 as a piece of Weiss’ attitude towards him. Point is, since I’m starting to ramble, is that ultimately Whitley hasn’t done anything but hurt Weiss’s feelings, and him calling a doctor for Nora purely because Nora needs one feels like it might be enough to put Whitley in Weiss’ good graces, even if it raises some uncomfortable implications - that Weiss only extends her love and affection when Whitley does something she likes and can revoke it if he does something she doesn’t (like make a light joke).

On Whitley’s end, though, this scene is an absolute mess of an ending. At the end of Volume 7, Whitley is angry and resentful towards Weiss (and Winter) for abandoning him to abusive and neglectful parents, and then arresting Jacques, taking away his only source of attention and dealing a huge blow to their family’s status. In Volume 8, Weiss comes back, threatens him physically, dismisses his concerns, treats him like a child by sending him to his room, and leaves him alone again until he does something she likes. At no point does Weiss do anything that would make his attitude towards her shift to the better; in fact, she does things that should only further alienate him. Why is Whitley no longer mad at her? Because she gave him a hug? That doesn’t change that she still (from his point of view) abandoned him without a second thought, blamed him for things he didn’t do, threatened him with a weapon, forced him to harbor them, and then talked down to him and pushed him aside when she didn’t want to deal with him - abandoning him again. Weiss has done nothing to make Whitley any less resentful. She hasn’t acknowledged how she’s hurt him, they haven’t discussed why he was so hurt by her leaving, there’s been no attempt for the rift between them to be mended. Weiss just hugs him, and somehow that makes everything better. I didn’t realize that Whitley was so completely starved for affection that a hug makes him forget everything leading up to it - a hug that he initially backed away from.

He has his hands raised defensively, he starts backing away, and his expression is completely shocked. His posture is completely stiff, his arms falling to his side and hands clenching into fists. He’s clearly not comfortable with this initially, before giving in with a sigh and hugging Weiss back - giving in and giving Weiss what she wants. 

Weiss is happy with him now, so Whitley can’t be upset. Weiss gives her approval, Whitley has been useful to her, so Whitley is “redeemed” in the eyes of the characters and the audience. What Whitley wants, what Whitley feels, what motivates Whitley? They don’t matter now that Weiss cares about him again. They aren’t discussed, they don’t continue to effect how Whitley acts and views Weiss, Weiss has forgiven him, so Whitley isn’t allowed to still be pissed with Weiss. Weiss didn’t have to do anything to reconcile with her brother, she doesn’t have to be humbled or acknowledge her own role in this dysfunctional relationship. She got to treat him with violence and like a child, and then hug him and act like everything is forgiven when by all reasonable logic, Whitley should be pushing her away, repeating that he didn’t do this for her and to back off.

Weiss didn’t work for this; Weiss didn’t earn this. Whitley’s own emotions and motivations were stripped away to let her get her brother on her side without her having to confront her own mistakes, because RWBY refuses to let its main girls make mistakes.

This isn’t the first time this has happened in RWBY, far from it. This isn’t even the only example of this happening with Whitley. Next episode and a few later, they do the exact same thing with Whitley and Willow! Whitley starts episode 8 rightfully pissed at his mother; she’s left him completely alone for two days straight to drink in her room, being less than useless, straight up neglectful. This anger carries on when she tries to call him, him turning to the door as the Hound approaches with anger. During the Hound attack, Willow grabs onto him, and he lets him. That makes sense, both of them were extremely frightened by this Grimm unlike anything they’d ever seen. What doesn’t make sense is that in episodes 11 and 12, Willow is still hanging onto him. I haven’t watched episode 11 for personal reasons (RWBY’s pissed me off), but I’ve seen the screenshots.

Willow’s holding onto him like she’s showing him off with pride. It’s a cute image - but why is Whitley allowing it? Why is Whitley not pulling away? Whitley was rightfully angry at his mother for neglecting him, for leaving him emotionally and mentally, right up until the Hound attack. Now, I know what you’re thinking; Willow saved his life. They killed the Hound together. Something like that, it can being people together. I agree - and I would even buy that being the spark for Whitley giving his mother another chance if there had been any kind of scene or even conversation on screen where we get to see this transition from rightfully anger at a drunk neglectful mother to a son giving a proud mother another chance at being his mother. It would have been incredibly easy to slip in, too! Like, and I’m just spitballing here -

Willow after the Hound is killed: Are you alright, Whitley?

Whitley: Oh, so you suddenly care. That’s nice to know.

Willow: I have always cared -

Whitley: Then you haven’t ever shown it! Whitley gets visibly angry. You’ve done nothing but leave me alone in this house with him while you drown yourself in your wine. You haven’t cared about me since I was 7 years old! Stop acting like you’re my mother! Whitley starts walking off. 

Willow: Whitley - ! Willow reaches out for Whitley and stops him I - she deflates - You’re right. I have been a horrible mother. I’ve left you alone, all this time, and if I had been even slightly more drunk tonight, you might have been killed.  ...I might have lost you for good, and it would have been my own fault. I’m sorry...

Whitley: He pauses, and falls silent. 

Willow: ...Please. I almost lost you tonight, and I don’t want to lose you to something I can fix. Is there anything I can do? Can I... Can I get a chance?

Whitley: .....he turns back to Willow, taking a deep breath, and looks up at her. ...One chance. You can’t - You can’t fix all of this, but... Whitley looks away ...I’ve wanted you back for 9 years. I don’t want to lose you either if I might get you back.

Willow: Willow looks surprised, before giving him a weak smile and pulling him into a hug. Thank you, Whitley. And I am so, so proud of you.

Whitley: Whitley stiffens with surprise, looking at his mother with shock, but returns the shaky smile and hugs her back.

One minute for this conversation, and I would be completely on board with Whitley and Willow seeming to reconcile as well. The same goes with Weiss, except a longer conversation.

If Weiss and Whitley had had even one talk where they both admit their faults and failings, apologize to each other, and agree to try again, I would be all on board with this Schnee family reconciliation. As it is now, though, with how it’s been written in the show, neither Weiss nor Willow have had to work to repair their relationships with Whitley; Whitley’s anger has just been wiped away. They set up the potential for reconciliation between Weiss and Whitley, between Willow and Whitley, acknowledging why Whitley is angry with both of them, but rather than have any of the characters take that knowledge and use it to reach out to Whitley, the writers skip all of that and let the characters treat Whitley however they want until they end up reconciled with one act. A single summon is treated like it makes up for years of neglect. A single hug because Whitley was useful to Weiss is treated like it makes up for abandonment, disrespect, and threats of violence. They don’t, and the lack of respect the writers’ have for the emotions of a male abuse victim sickens me.

[carlsaganlunatic]

La Déesse Dedans/The Goddess Within: Anime and Ego

       In the biblical story of the “Tower of Babel”, humanity attempts to build their way to heaven. God, in order to inhibit the prideful undertaking of the humans, casts a magic spell to diversify the spoken languages of those audacious people, effectively enabling them from being able to converse and communicate (The Bible). The attempt to become gods is a foolish one. In theology and philosophy, sentience is a necessary hierarchy that separates gods from men. Through self-contemplation and existential crises, the vast majority of humans are guilty of muling over their purpose in life. Reminiscent of the “Tower of Babel”, this search for truth in the uniquely “human” paradigm is a fruitless endeavor grounded in egotism.

       We like to believe we’re special. Ptolemy and Aristotle believe that Earth was the center of the universe in which bodies in the solar system revolve. Furthermore, the absence of evidence for alien intelligent life helps drive the fantasy of humans being the sole observers of the Universe. An innate bias programmed into our worldview filters down into our actions, inflating our egos to unreachable heights. Conflict plays a major role in the cyberpunk anime Ergo Proxy as the characters struggle to find meaning in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. In this dismal world of demons and gods, humans create robots resembling humans called Autorievs programmed to perform tasks in society with precision and automation (Ergo Proxy, 1). Chaos breaks loose as the Autorievs begin to fall victim to the Cogito Virus, a programming malfunction that forces the robots to become self-aware. Humans fear the evolution of their sentient creations as it challenges their own superiority complex of intelligence and awareness, clearly reflecting the god complex of many humans that challenges the ultimate divinity of n’importe religion. Pattern denounces breaking the natural hierarchy of the world through any attempt to evolve a being’s set level of sentience.

       Suffering is an inevitable condition of the human experience. Suffering ensues from our inherent curiosity about the ways of the world and the ultimate reality of existence. Ultimate truth implies the possession of omnipotence- a capability beyond the likes of mortals. Certitude renders the search for meaning a futile effort. Nihilism argues that, because there is no essence or implied meaning to reality, life is meaningless and reality is not even real. The plot of Ergo Proxy creatively depicts this meaningless search for meaning as its main characters struggle to reconcile their existential anguish. For example, Re-I, grand-daughter of an elite government official in their dystopian society Romdeau, sets off on her own journey for truth after coming face-to-face with a Proxy (Ergo Proxy, 1). Proxies, like Autorievs, are a creation of the technologically-advanced humans, previously intended to act as rulers of the domes or societies of the Earth-based humans in hopes of reinstating order to the ruin that Earth fell into. Proxies, though, possess powers that threaten the authority of human-beings as they are more advanced in their consciousness. After coming into contact with one of these evolved beings, Re-I becomes impassioned to seek for an explanation to the awe inspired by this glimpse of divinity. Her curiosity quickly becomes the bain of her existence as she suffers endlessly to piece together the meaning of her place in this world of gods and women. Re-I’s egotism is a commonality shared by all human beings. Anthropomorphic views blind our rationality, leading us to reach beyond the limits of our knowledge and almost always ending in tragedy.

       Hubris or excessive pride misleads humans to their tragic downfall as they overestimate their mortal capabilities and emulate the qualities of gods and goddesses. In the myth of Icarus, our tragic hero flying too close to the sun, reached too far beyond his limits and was incinerated in the process. Ergo Proxy explores this concept seen in the Greek mythological story of Icarus referred to as hubris. Vincent Law, the male protagonist of Ergo Proxy, suffers similarly to Re-I in his journey to self-realization. Being both human and Proxy, Vincent cannot understand his place in the world and tortures himself by trying to reconcile the meaning of his existence. From a nihilistic point of view, Vincent’s efforts are meaningless as he cannot possibly know what significance he has in the Universe as no essence is prescribed to his existence. Interconnecting nihilist philosophy with the idea of anthropomorphism as a bias in perspective of reality necessitates a new term. I would like to introduce the term “tumidism” as the belief that humans’ egocentric search for a truth beyond their own level of sentience is the effect of a meaningless existence. Our selfishness leads us to assume some meaning beyond the evidence seen before us. We invent gods and demons to fill the gaps of our understanding of the Universe as, we as mere mortals, cannot possibly comprehend the vast nature of the Universe. In Ergo Proxy, Autorievs infected with the Cogito virus drop to their knees and pray as they develop an overwhelming sense of awareness that materialized from a void. Following a sequence of references to the mythology of Icarus, the final episode of Ergo Proxy famously shows one of the Proxies retreating to the heavens in an array of light rays, reminiscent of Icarus’ flight towards the sun (Ergo Proxy, 23). The Austrian psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud claims that humans have a tendency to explain away phenomena unknown to them through religion. Coined the “God of the Gaps” theory by Friedrich Nietzshe, famous German nihilist philosopher, this pattern emerges from religious beings assigning gaps in their understanding of the Universe to be direct evidence of God's existence. Nietzshe recognized the egocentric nature of humans in believing themselves capable of making sense of the mysteries of the world. Ergo Proxy’s Autorievs reaching towards human sentience, humans reaching towards god-like omniscience, and Icarus reaching towards the sun, we all form a rung on the ladder of hubris, destined to fall.

       Without evidence for extraterrestrial intelligence, humans remain in possession of the highest level of sentience among beings. This supposed uniqueness of humanity inevitably leads to a sense of pride in our intelligence. A pattern repeated throughout history, the hubris of Icarus from ancient Greek mythology heeds warning to reaching beyond one's limits. This quality, derived from human’s anthropocentric and ecocentric worldview, defies the natural order of intelligence as it is a forced evolution by humans to become gods. The post-apocalyptic anime series Ergo Proxy shows the progression of suffering that results from searching for an ultimate truth beyond one’s capabilities of comprehension. Art mirrors life as the characters of Ergo Proxy realize the inferiority of humanity on the Universal time scale.

       Nietzsche’s nihilistic philosophy combined with the anthropomorphic tendencies of humanity brings to light the catch-all term- “tumidism”- describing the downfall of humanity as placing their own selfish meaning to a reality otherwise meaningless as far as human-sentience is concerned. With latin root “tumid” meaning goddess, god, or divinity, tumidism effectively unifies egotism and heroic tragedy. Vying for equality as no single person is above or beyond another, tumidism thereby grants universal equality to all breathing beings. Whether the respiration source is oxygen or methane is of unimportance. In a world accelerating towards climate catastrophe, it is clear that the selfishness of humanity does indeed yield a price to pay. All that exists was birthed from the same cosmic origin. Whether or not some divine being set off this creation is not the most essential question. The significance is within the fact that all beings, humans included, are kin in the cosmos.

       Assigning unique importance to any one species of being is plain ignorance. I, for one, am awaiting the day where humanity realizes the cosmic commonality shared between all creatures and can set aside our egos to simply admire the beauty of the world. “Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?” (Adams). Messiahs aside, we are all one in the spirit.

Works Cited

Adams, Douglas. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Pan Books. 1979.

Ergo Proxy. Shuko Murase. 2006.

Nietzsche, Friedrich. Thus Spoke Zarathustra. 1891.

The English Standard Version Bible: Containing the Old and New Testaments with Apocrypha, Oxford UP, 2009.

[writeradamanteve]

Credit and Inspiration

(Please get comfortable, as this is going to be a long one)

I had a discussion with a friend last night, and it was riveting, upsetting, emotional, funny, and caring. It had to do with my latest work, Daemon Bound, and how it had similarities to a novel called Disenchanted & Co. by Lynn Viehl and that it would be appropriate if I credited this novel as inspiration for Daemon Bound. 

Specifically, in the interest of full disclosure: Victorian Steampunk America, a heroine that is a private investigator who specializes in spirits, how her investigations are impeded by a sexist society, she dressed up as a boy once, she impersonates a prostitute, a ward was placed by a dead family member, a netherworld that only the magic wielders can see, she carries her dead father’s magic pocket watch, her love interest is dark, brooding, magic wielder.

A couple of things immediately happened when she pointed out the similarities of this novel to my story:

1) I was truly upset. My head started pounding. My neck felt like it was expanding and blowing up. 

2) I was incredibly mortified. It sounded exactly like I copied this story and did not give credit to this author. 

But there are also a couple of things that are true as I was feeling all this:

1) I have never read Disenchanted & Co. Last night was the first time I ever knew it existed. 

2) The Daemon Bound story you are reading now is a reworked version of itself and nothing else. It was not based off another fandom. It is not material from another fandom. Everything about Daemon Bound--originally titled “Marked”, at some point “Lost”, even--was 100% from my imagination. I can produce all 21 chapters of it right now if you ask me for it.

So my friend and I, we kept having this conversation, and she mentioned how I had left in the name Lucien and this book happens to have a main character with the name Lucien, and I seriously wanted to die. I did write in Lucien by mistake, mainly because in the first version of this story, Lucien Armentiers is a “cousin” in Jughead’s new household, whom he suspects is not his cousin. I had taken a snippet from my original version (Chapter 5), where Betty is already in New York and Lucien is there, causing mischief. 

Lucien is not scheduled to make an appearance in Daemon Bound anymore. I’ve scrapped Lucien’s character.  Hell, I scrapped the characters of two other ghosts that were supposed to be in Betty’s house--Martin and Francis, a thief  from the Brick Break gang who was murdered in cold blood and a little boy, who drowned in a river and whose father was driven to drink and ruination because of his death, respectively, because Laura did everything for Betty’s character that all three of them were supposed to do, combined. 

At this point, however, I was ready to throw in the towel. I contemplated giving up on this story, because what was the point? It seemed like someone had written something like it already. I wasn’t going to take it down, because I have nothing to hide. This story is 100% mine. I am willing to let people read Disenchanted & Co. and compare it to my story, and let everyone see that everything is different. But something inside me was dying and it was beginning to feel like writing this story is futile. 

Guys, the amount of effort I am putting into writing Daemon Bound--it is far more challenging than anything I’ve written. I take note of every line of dialogue, of whether the objects and occupations and technology--even the made up ones--can exist in this world. My original version sounded far more modern than the world I am writing now in Daemon Bound. I sit writing for a couple of hours and I realize that I’ve only written 500 words. It’s so hard to write this story, but I love doing it, and to find out that I’m not even that original--it’s painful. I was going to give this up. 

But you know, when a friend comes to you with these hard conversation from a place of caring and sincerity, and the lines of communication stay open, the discussion wasn’t going to end at that. In spite of my friend having papers to write, homework to finish, she kept on talking to me, and she said that these similarities were superficial details and that the core of the novel was different from mine. 

As a quick reminder, my friend’s aim wasn’t to shame me or catch me plagiarizing, it was to call out inspiration from an existing work.  

So if I hadn’t read the book, she advised that I do. I’m not gonna lie--I don’t want to read the book. I don’t. I’d rather give up writing this story.  But should I continue, I don’t want this book influencing me in any way, shape or form, because this book did not exist in my mind until my friend pointed it out. But because she is sincere and had no intentions of killing my inspiration, she offered to tell me the gist of the novel, and she did, and the points above are where the similarities to the novel ended.  The main characters and their personalities are different from Betty and Jughead, the main plot is different, the romantic development is different--everything else is different.  So at the end of our conversation, where Dawson’s Creek and Veronica Mars was brought up, even, my friend was wholly successful in bringing back to life what was on the verge of death. 

She is a true friend and I am grateful that it was she who brought this conversation to me.  If it were someone who didn’t give much of a shit, I think it might have been the end of my fanfic writing career.  Not exaggerating. 

ALL THAT SAID, this novel exists and I’m not going to pretend it’s not there. While I have never read this book, I’m going to point out that this novel and my story have these similarities. I can’t lie and say this novel inspired me, because I’ve never seen it before this, but I should be able to point to it and say, “Listen, you can think that I was inspired by this book, and that’s okay.” 

We all get inspired by tropes and similar material, whether it’s done consciously or some cosmic, collective ether of creativity. This writer and I--we probably worship in some similar cognitive temple, and I dig that. We were inspired by the same things--romance, daring, adventure. There isn’t a quarrel here and I don’t want anyone thinking that I am not giving credit where credit is due.  

Because truly--I have been writing stories for 30 years, and I believe that I’ve lived by the purest of fanfic codes, which is to credit the source material.  I don’t have to tell anyone that to NOT plagiarize is the barest minimum of writing. It doesn’t take a hero to do that. You don’t get a medal for not plagiarizing. But it does take a bit more effort to give credit, to call out what inspires a story, and to tag your work appropriately.  

So this is what I have to write and this is what I have to give.  Take from it what you wish. I respect everyone’s thoughts about this, good or bad. 

My promise remains the same--if I get Anonymous trolling, it’s going nowhere, buddy. I’m deleting that shit. Put your name on your comments and I’m more likely to reply to it as respectfully as possible. If you put your name on it and your comment is likely to hurt my feelings, you’ll just have to put up with the reality that I may not reply to it, but I won’t delete it. I don’t even think I can.

I don’t know what’s going to happen from hereon, but I want to be completely and utterly transparent.  I hope you all have a wonderful day.   

[wrecker-radioactive]

BNHA X Green Lantern

Hey folks! Radioactive here with some Au ideas. I’d would like to thank @kibastray for the inspiration from their Miraculous Ladybug fic. 

Now these are just some tidbits of ideas. I am working on getting out of my writing hiatus and maybe this will help.

Feel Free to use any of the ideas for yourself!!!! All I ask is a link or @ to read them! Thank you! Enjoy~

For these AUs the focus will be on Midoriya Izuku. Though it would be neat to use other characters, Izuku is the focus today. 

Green[WILL] Corp AU---normal amount of angst

>Midoriya is still quirk-less but doesn’t meet All Might. 

>Instead, He goes to mope on the school roof top after getting his notebook back from swimming with the koi.

>Not sure if this is where he starts contemplating anything suicidal like or other job/career prospects but

>He gets conveniently knocked over the head with the Green Lantern Ring

>Says the oath and gets dragged into space by the ring-after recharging it

>Meets up with the current Green Lanterns and gets some decent training in before he remembers his mother is waiting for him so they give him Earth sector’s Green Lantern’s number to discuss training and to just talk to for help.

>This AU follows the original plot with the differences being Izuku is more so focused on bringing Justice no matter what. He is more so Grey lining. Willing to learn the law and stand up for those mistreated by it. Izuku is willing to work to change it for the better. To improve the law.

>Personality wise, He is High Key Nervous but Willing and Ready to Punch(think greyhound in yellow sweater) Is EXTRA Creative and more focused on Analysis in defeating villains or preventing building collapses 

>He is closer bros with Momo in this one. Creation Friends all the way.

>His Creations/Projections are weird. Like they are Out-Landish choices for doing what ever to defeat the opponent(s). Kinda like Miraculous Ladybug.

>His outfit is the regular standard for Green Lanterns but under it is his Hero Suit that has ALL THE POCKETS. You need a bandage? He’s got twenty. Disaster Child is Prepared Child but still problematic

Blue [HOPE] Corps----mild angst

>Rescue Focused Hero

>BIG {Magic of Friendship} Speeches TM

>PRONE to Greater Injuries now that he has power but it is mainly to prevent others from harm. Lacks self preservation this one does.

>Still Nervous but it is more overthinking and about others. Even if he doesn’t know them, you chat with this kid for two minutes and he’s already worrying about your health, your family, your goldfish

>Most likely to be a Vigilante than actual hero due to his insight on Quirk Laws and the impact they have on society. He ends up saving people more and visiting hospitals to bring hope to kids. 

>He likes to knit and crochet hats for the kids. Sunshine child levels at Maximum

>Most likely to accidentally become a villain due to being vocal on the mistreatment of others at the hands of heroes or the lack of safety measures put in to protect kids from abuse ei from negative enforcement from teachers or bullies.

>Outfit is standard with a calm blue to help put people at ease around him. Difference is that he wears a helmet--motorcycle helmet. Maybe to hide his identity maybe for further protection.

Star Sapphire Corps--ALL THE ANGST 

>Izuku becomes a Star Sapphire at a young age. Right after being told he will never have a quirk, with teachers and other parents talking badly about Inko over having a quirkless child and Izuku who would be five at the time so is thinking Momma Midoriya doesn’t want him and that his dad doesn’t want him either since he left shortly after Izuku was diagnosed. Add in our resident angry boi telling Izuku he’s useless and basically breaking off ties. All leads to a sad kid

>This leads to Izuku’s heart witnessing the breaking of his soul bonds from all those he loves. 

>He gets turned into a giant crystal that transforms him into a Star Sapphire and the ring basically becomes his mentor. From there on, Izuku trains to become stronger. he doesn’t run away because he wants to fix the system. So no one has to hurt like he does. 

>So Izuku decides to change the system from the inside out. Become a top ranking Hero, and then start leading more positive changes to the laws and how people view quirks. 

>He is very lonely in this AU until he and Inko actually sit down and talk about what Izuku wants and Inko shows her support for his dreams. It is one of the few bonds Izuku allows to heal and mend. Up to the person if Katsuki ever mends fences or if Izuku’s dad does anything. 

>Izuku is a tired nervous. Very done with life but very much would like a hug. If you hug this sad kid he will never let go. 

>It isn’t until after USJ arc that Izuku finally meets other Lantern holders 

>Scene<

Izuku shuffled after Aizawa-sensi holding back the panic swelling inside him. The voice of his ring--loving dubbed Star--cooed and murmured support and reassurances that if anything he feared happened that they would simple run away to space. They often tried to get Izuku to leave Earth and take to the stars but he wanted to change things on Earth. To change himself for the better. Taking a fortifying breath, Izuku followed Aizawa-sensi into the meeting room.

Three people turned to face the new arrivals. John Stewart nearly fainted at the sight of the small green haired kid following Easerhead. He didn’t want to believe a child had been chosen let alone for a Star Sapphire. Stars went through so much pain and for a kid not even sixteen to go through that? It broke his heart. A quick glance at his companions Salaak whose nerves shown in the twitching of his four hands and Brother Warth of the Blue Corps. Brother Warth’s trunk scrunched up at the sight of the tiny human child bearing the pink ring and if his training wasn’t so strong his rage would have most certainly taken over. 

Izuku froze at the sight of the African American human in green and black, a dark pink humaniod with four arms, and a huge elephant like person in the blue version of the other’s outfit. They all had rings too. Does that mean he’s not alone? There are others who share his experinces? It was too much yet at the same time numbing after the whole facing a group of villains on a school field trip. 

“Midoriya, these are the Lantern Corp members currently available to talk with you about your powers and situation.” Easerhead introduced nodding to the three before taking a step back to allow Izuku room to move but keeping within eye sight of everyone. He was here to just listen since he was still in recovery. 

“Hello Midoriya, I’m John and these are my friends Salaak and Brother Warth.” With introductions out of the way, John stepped up to kneel in front of Izuku allowing a few feet of distance between them. “I heard about what you’ve been through, and I know what it takes to be a bearer of take ring. I’m sorry we didn’t find you sooner.” 

It wasn’t the best apology nor would it be the last. To have left a child alone with the powers of the ring was a grossly irresponsible act. They would do whatever it took to help Izuku heal and grow into a hero. no, Into a healthy kid. Izuku deserved to be a kid. 

Izuku couldn’t stop the tears from falling. After having teacher after teacher condemn him and never step up to protect him, after almost running away from his own mother based on misunderstandings and assumptions, and to the years consistently being told he deserved to suffer for not conforming to society thanks to the uncontrollable factors of genetics; to be understood. To have someone on his side outside of his mom. It was no wonder he threw his arms around John and bawled his eyes out. 

-End Scene-

>His outfit is the most different. From my research on the outfits, Star Sapphires have no care for modesty and is mostly female based so take that as you will. So, Izuku’s form will have gauntlets in a purple-black that go up to his armpits and leave his shoulders bare. A magenta halter top with black/purple edging that ends just below his ribs. Skin tight shorts same color as gloves that stop at his knees before becoming knee pads with multi point starburst in silver on the fronts with the background being magenta. Knee high boots in magenta and silver buckles. Standard face thing in either black or magenta. The tips of his fade into magenta. [this is the best I could come up with. im sorry]

Indigo Corps [Compassion]

>Not sure how this one would go about anything since the corp is entirely based on an alien tribe in another system. BUT Compassion and chains. 

>Basically Izuku slapping people with emotions to change their ways. I dont even know where this is going. Vigilante? 

That’s all I have so far folks. Hope you enjoyed it! Don’t forget to Stay Safe 

[motheatenscarf]

So, I recently recommended Castlevania to people based on the first 2 seasons, and having now seen the 3rd season I’m still keeping that recommendation but with some pretty strong warnings going in.

The TL;DR version is, I still recommend this series with the caveat that your mileage may vary depending on your tolerance for sexual themes and more specifically your sensitivity toward sexual assault. 

So uh, spoiler in the spoiler disclaimer, but content warning for discussion of the above themes. I apologize to mobile readers; this got long. I only feel the need to say all this because I have in the past recommended this show to people before these elements came into play in the first 2 seasons. So, I kind of owe it to those people who may have taken my recommendation to follow through now.

I’m sure it won’t come as a shock to anyone (or at least I hope it won’t) that Castlevania, the show which introduces its wandering drunk protagonist by having him overhear two inbred shit eating peasants in a bar talking about literal goat fucking, has a pretty cynical view on humanity and is a pretty hard R.

Most of that R rating and cynicism has been in regard to gore and Christianity and I’ve been extremely on board and pettily here for it. For all that it’s a gory mess with plenty of colorful language, however, it’s been extremely restrained when it comes to sexuality. 

For my ace ass, that was kind of an appeal. I’m not opposed to sexuality in my media, but people do tend to make it... egregious and often unbalanced. It often feels that any media that gets that R rating just goes “Fuck it, may as well!” regarding shoehorning its nudity and sexuality. And frankly, censorship laws in the United States are FUCKING ANTIQUATED AS ALL HELL, so a rape scene where the camera ogles the woman’s breasts as she’s assaulted? Yeah, sure, that’s an R. Consensual sex scene that shows no genitalia but the woman in clear arousal? That’s an NC-17 for you. And that’s just women; don’t get me started on queer censorship, we’d be here all day. So, given the country I live in, the fact that I like horror and fantasy, and the fact that I’m an asexual woman, you can maybe see where my stance on sexual themes in any adult oriented media is just, an exasperated sigh as I boredly sit through another rape scene.

So, our first scene in Castlevania S3 is of Alucard, having been alone for the last month now, slowly losing his mind to crippling loneliness and overwhelming guilt after having murdered his father where Trevor and Sypha took him at his word when he said he would be the lone guardian standing vigil over Dracula’s castle and the Belmont library. Turns out he was wrong about being fine, which we knew from last season as it ended with him alone in his room sobbing his heart out, but he’s already losing his grip here as he makes little puppets of Sypha and Trevor to carry conversation with. An eccentricity he fully acknowledges is insane.

Our next scene confirms through dialogue that Trevor and Sypha are now in a sexual relationship, even though they’re only ever shown cuddling up in bed talking about The Plot and various happenings a few episodes later. Nothing explicit is ever depicted between them.

Alucard, on the other hand, picks up a couple of strays who were the thralls of one of the vampires killed last season, specifically the evidently Japanese one named “Cho” and our two new characters............ I had to google their names, Sumi and Taka, are also Japanese. They ask him to train them to kill vampires to protect their clan. Alucard, clearly remembering what he said about “Think of all the things Dracula could have done if he’d put all this knowledge toward helping people instead of giving into his rage and destroying them,” decides to agree and help them. He is clearly trying to be the person his mother would have wanted. Aww. 

Except not aww, Taka and Sumi are two clearly traumatized and deeply flawed people from the masses which this series is, again, extremely cynical toward. They are unsubtley fixated on learning more and more powerful ways to kill vampires and Alucard is pretty chill about it because he can’t see through the 4th wall and hear the ominous music or the glances they exchange when he’s not looking. This is purely for the audience. They at one point have a discussion away from him where they try to psychoanalyze him and decide that his isolation is a self imposed punishment for killing Dracula and that this is as close as he can get to killing himself without actually doing it. THIS IS FOR THE AUDIENCE. Then they mentioned they should give him a reward for what he’s done for them.

What happens next is difficult to break down from their standpoint, as they’re not particularly well developed characters, not being Important Characters but just a duo from the masses which the show dismisses, but if you’ve caught a single frame of Alucard this season, is easy enough to explain from his perspective. They come to him at night when he can’t sleep, tell him he deserves a reward, and proceed to make sexual advances toward him, which he seems somewhat embarrassed and confused by at first before quickly becoming a participant in. Again, it is well established by this point that he desperately misses Trevor and Sypha, whom he was already jealous of the connection between last season, and is profoundly lonely. The sex, which he consents to, is clearly a proxy as it’s all he can get for now. The sex is also, unfortunately, initiated under false pretenses, and ends abruptly when the whole thing turns into a Christ allegory and they pin Alucard in the crucifix position after having betrayed him with a kiss (and then some) and demand he show them the secrets they’re certain he’s hiding from them. Alucard tries to reason with them, still insisting he knows they’re scared but that he’s been nothing but honest with them, but they’re too traumatized and broken to believe him, and so he kills them in self defense, all still right there on the bed where they were having sex. He then, reminiscent of Dracula from the series opening, stakes their bodies before the entrance to the castle as a warning to those who would come to harm him, telling the audience that he is Lisa’s son in many ways, but he is also Dracula’s, and is realizing with time and experience now that his father’s sentiment toward humanity may not have been so misplaced.

So you know. Lot to unpack there...

BUT THAT AIN’T IT, FOLKS!

There’s another, far less interesting (unbiased review here, folks) character named Hector. He’s a forgemaster which means he makes monsters which are loyal only to him. He’s no Isaac (whom I’d mentioned his backstory/characterization just kinda left a general bad taste in my mouth before but OH BABY, AM I CHANGING TUNE ON THAT ONE. Could write a whole review on Isaac but I’m gonna stay focused here) but he’s apparently here to stay, so fine. 

There was an evil femme fatale vampire last season who kinda bored me who tricked Hector into betraying Dracula and then took him captive when she got what she wanted out of him. She did not trick him with sex at least but was still “evil manipulative femme fatale” which... *yawn* In S3 she drags him back to her home country and then proceeds to talk to her own sort of war council on how to get him to make a monster army for them to use that won’t just kill them all.

The lesbian vampire war council are fuckin interesting and I love 2 of them. The other one is an actually evil seductress femme fatale who DOES manipulate him with sex. Yay. How original. Well at least there are finally enough interesting, compelling women in the story that this isn’t our token evil female vampire so it’s easy for me to shrug off and forgive. All you need to know about Hector is he played with dead animals as a kid, it freaked his parents out when he kept reviving dead things, he killed them, now he’s a dead critter loving sensitive weirdo who was willing to participate in a “humane cull” that would leave the human race in essentially livestock pens for vampires. 

So the entire time the red headed femme fatale is trying to get him to see that she’s not so bad, vampires can be civil, we don’t want what Dracula wanted, my sister didn’t trick you she appealed to your reason, blahblahblah, she’s calling him a “good boy” and leading him on, i fucking quote, “walkies” with a leash. There’s also a comment that she tended to an injured spider once. So,, y’know, she’s him, which means she’s best suited to manipulating him. And Hector even admits to being aware of what she’s doing and calls her out on it, but he’s trapped and doesn’t have much of a choice other than to go along with what she does and weirdly seems almost content at times. His weird naturalist... weirdness probably gives him some inferiority complex when it comes to vampires, I don’t know, his backstory and motive are not connected in the least and I’m frankly not interested enough in this character to give him much contemplation since it’s pretty clear there wasn’t much going into his creation. Anyway. Long story short, she eventually, with only technically lying to him about the purpose of a particular ring she wears, lures him into having sex with her and in the heat of passion has him swear loyalty to her before slipping a cursed ring on him which binds him exactly as he’d just sworn, essentially making him a slave. The sex, again, also stops here, but she makes some extremely unsettling comments later on about how he was surprisingly good at sex and she might “train him.” Which.... where to begin other than yikes, and why, and, where in the hell was a guy who played with dead animals supposed to learn to eat a bitch out like that anyway??

This is where we also, tying the themes together, learn that one of the allies Trevor and Sypha have been teaming up with was a child killer the whole time. They only learn this after he dies helping them fight the evil that had come to his town (and after the most iconic line of the season; “What the fuck is toilet paper?”) which they accomplish, but not before failing to save anyone in the village, which was consumed in an evil ritual. They’re alone again, with a distraught Sypha realizing what Trevor had tried to forget by getting caught up in her optimism, that, say it with me now;

So there is your mostly unbiased spoilery context for the scenes in question. You can make up your own mind from there if that’s something you can handle, I’m gonna go on to add a few of my own thoughts which do not represent how I believe anyone else should interpret the show, this is purely my own train of thought here.

Sex consented to under false pretenses is still rape. I don’t know that I would personally classify these as “rape scenes,” but that’s just me. The reaction of the characters afterward makes me think Hector’s comes closer than Alucard’s, but the fact that both have appropriate reactions to being sexually betrayed makes me think that’s mostly what people are talking about when they say either one was raped. Hector later falls to his knees in a panic and hopelessness as he realizes “You made me a slave, my life is over,” and Alucard just lays there on the floor where he murdered his father as he weeps silently in contemplation of his own despair. That’s... some heavy shit, and I can, again, easily see where someone with a history of abuse or assault can be completely traumatized all over again watching this. As for the leeriness/attempting to be titilating/making rape “sexy” that a lot of adult fantasy/horror does... eh? I’m asexual, none of it’s sexy to me, and I was paying attention to the visual and audio cues the entire time that were making the audience aware with their ominous music, flashing between sex and battles against evil, and watching the instigators (Taka and Sumi, and Lenore the femme fatale vampire) as the camera focused on their scheming faces. The camera in Alucard’s scene especially just seemed to want to show us how sad and lonely he is, but that was pretty well established by that point and I know a sex scene devolving into a murder scene is jarring for people.

The themes of the season were manipulation, trust, and betrayal. Hector’s story reaches a pivotal turning point the moment the ring is slipped on him. Could it have been implemented differently than through the femme fatale seduction route? Absolutely, the show hadn’t really adopted sexual themes until this season and probably could have done so without it. She’d already lied to Hector an said that the rings were symbols she and her sisters wore to unite them, she could have been lying and welcomed him to join them and gotten him to swear loyalty to them in a ceremony after spending more time getting him to trust her. It was dumb and unnecessary and probably added in there just so maybe Alucard wasn’t the sole bearer of such an experience, or maybe because they shifted his plotline to fit in with the established themes, or maybe they could only sneak a bisexual threesome past the censors if they threw in more straight sex. What can I say? The cynicism of this show is relatable.

Alucard’s was less “Yikes” for me because he was never in a position where he didn’t have emotional or physical power over Taka and Sumi, he was a mentor to them who made no sexual advances whatsoever and seemed to only want to participate in their advances because it temporarily made him feel loved and worthy only to have the rug pulled out from under him and remind him that much more painfully of how alone he is, and how right his father may have been, and how wrong he was for killing him. Could this have been done without a sex scene? Yep, it always can. I know what the writers were trying to convey and I personally don’t have an issue with it and see its effectiveness, but I fully acknowledge another hour of spitballing in the writer’s room would have avoided that. I don’t necessarily think it’s a good or bad thing that they included this, it just... is, for me. I personally think if they’re going to confirm the sexual relationship between Trevor and Sypha, though, and then show us that Alucard is clearly missing them, there’s kinda one natural conclusion to make on how Alucard’s relationship with these two was going to go. I actually think it should have been better established and more time should have been spent on his relationship with them and depicted it as romantic/sexual from an earlier stage rather than just seemingly coming out of nowhere to people who hadn’t realized, “Oh, they’re his proxies,” earlier. I personally found it more tragic than traumatizing, but I don’t have a history of sexual abuse, so that is my own biased interpretation. If someone has that experience, I would not blame them in the least for finding this unpalatable.

Other arguments I’ve seen are, why is the only bi character shown to go through this kind of trauma? I mean, Alucard is our only confirmed bi character left for now, but Isaac is heavily implied to be queer, and again. Cynical universe. And he isn’t the only character period to go through it. They’re not singling him out because he’s bi, he’s just going through a character arc and is bi. I acknowledge again it could have been handled better but I don’t necessarily think this is biphobia so much as it is... unfortunate tone deafness. Tokenism is the problem, not Alucard’s bisexuality, so here’s hoping that we get another bi or queer character soon because as of right now, it’s just rife with unfortunate implications. I had this exact issue with Isaac’s backstory/characterization last season as our lone man of color with a major role and they immediately fixed his arc this season along with introducing several new characters of color and it was honestly the highlight of the season, so... the writers have proven to me that they can learn from their mistakes and spin my suspicion into HYPE, so I’m willing to give them through season 4 to see what they do with it.

I have also seen the argument for, why are the only Japanese characters tricky and sexually manipulative? Well, because they’re human and the show is extremely cynical in its depiction of humanity, we’ve just mostly seen that with white Europeans so far. As I mentioned before, tokenism is the problem. Is it annoying to see a sexually manipulative femme fatale vampire? Yes. Can I live with it and shrug it off a helluva lot easier when we get butch warrior vampire and tactical genius vampire talking back and forth about how they plan to conquer and drink an entire nation while espousing their affection for one another? Also yes!  While we do finally get a lot more characters of color this season who are fleshed out and beautifully complex and sympathetic, I think Taka and Sumi could have been better explored, since their mistrust of Alucard makes sense but their decision to have sex with him in order to get his guard down is... really not apparent other than through speculation with 0 textual evidence to support it. I don’t think they’re sexually manipulative because they’re Japanese, I think they’re sexually manipulative because the plot calls for it and they happen to be the only Asian characters we have for now and the writers made another pretty tone deaf decision. Behind the scenes, I do wonder if they were chosen from specifically Cho’s court just so the animators had an excuse to draw her some more/get that Japanese audience invested. Orientalism is a helluva thing here in the west though, and the sexualization of east Asians is especially fucked up and I’m not gonna say this did not have catastrophically tone deaf implications. I hope we get more Asian characters with a nuanced depiction, and even though they are the only Asian characters, they are not the only sexual abusers and they are far from the only sympathetically broken but dangerous characters we see.  

This is also, I’m fairly certain, a dual-studio production, and I do know Castlevania is a Japanese video game series based on European vampire stories, and in the endless love letter between Japanese and American media, some things gets botched in the exchange. That doesn’t excuse it, and that doesn’t mean it isn’t harmful, but I also don’t think it means “Cancelvania.” But I’m Mexican-American, and Not Asian-American, or more specifically Japanese-American, so, this is purely my perspective. 

I won’t defend the choices, I certainly won’t argue with people who draw a line in the sand and say “This is unacceptable, I won’t watch this,” that’s a valid perspective to have. To me, the writers through Isaac have proven they know when and how to correct course when they need to, so I’m cautiously optimistic that this was all build up for a dynamite season 4 if/when we get it. The show is cynical, I’m cynical, but I can recognize careful writing when I see it, and to me the highlights of this unrepentantly stupid fucking show that I kinda love are gonna be worth sticking through the stuff that makes me wrinkle my nose with concern because I want to see where it goes. A time may come when that stops being the case, but for me it hasn’t reached that point yet. I completely understand if it has for anyone else though.

[mewmewnyaart]

I'm not very good at drawing horror and blood but I recently have been getting into OFF lately so I figured I'd try to draw batter to pratice lighting and shadows

I also made my own au where batter and hugo switch places but I doubt anyone would like it or even read it heck I couldn't even get a single like on any of my posts

But here I go anyway :

So common belief that the world of OFF isnt real and that its all happening inside Hugo's head because hugo is in a comma and that the batter resembles the father and the queen resembles the mother

And that the guardians are the boy's immune system and organs that are intolerant to the drug liquid plastic that is being experimented on hugo

The mother was always a working woman and never gave hugo attention while the dad was a straight forward and loving man (I also have a personal theory that he's religious)

The mother wants hugo to live but the father wants to let the boy die because he's tired of seeing his own child in pain everyday

Ok now that I have that out of the way here's my au:

In this au its the father that ends up in a comma and hugo is the one who tries to save him from dying

Backstory to how the dad ended up in a comma:

Hugo in this au is healthy and lives a normal life the father was once a baseball player (as a hobby) so hugo got inspired by his dad and started to take baseball classes at his school

One day the dad was dropping hugo off for baseball practice and while waving goodbye while slowly moving out of the parking lot a reckless older student who wasn't looking quickly backs up his truck hitting the father and sending him into a comma

Ok now for the characters:

We enter the game as hugo and we are greeted by the judge and we start our journey of "purifying" the world just like batter

The enemies represent different family members who dislike or or even hate the father and the father's phobias or fears as well as microbes or poisons in the father's system

Then we have other characters like pets,neighbors,friends who are good guys or people who side with hugo in the this au

Also the puzzles would changed in this au

Hugo is a child and the father would probably play alot with hugo and his games since the mother was always busy ,so instead of floating boxes we'd get more complicated versions of kids puzzles like connect the dots or fill in the shapes etc.

Now for who each character represents and then I'll move on to what the goal of the game is or what Hugo's mission is:

Hugo= he represents the son in real life but he also resembles a new antibiotic that's being experimented on the father

The judge = in real he's the family house cat named milk ingame he's a guide but I have my own head canon

so alot of people tend to draw batter with his eyes closed some draw 4 eyes some draw no eyes at all

I like to think that the father irl has bad eye sight or sensitive eyes so he wears special glasses but will not wear any glasses when at home because he doesn't like to so he will walk around with his eyes closed

So milk will guide him throughout the house by purring or meowing at him

As for the smile the judge has on his face hugo likes the movie Alice in wonderland over and over so the image of the Cheshire cat would be embedded in the dad's memory which is why the judge appears that way

He views the judge as someone who is helpful

The queen = the queen is his wife however they start to have alot of problems and arguments before the father fell in a comma

And the relatives try to convince her to turn off the life support and move on with life

Dedan= irl he's the father's brother in law with a snappy attitude and he hates the father alot and even objected in thier wedding day he will do anything to hurt the father or cause trouble

The father sees his brother in law nothing more than a all bark no bite a big mouth

Japhet= in real life is the lady that lives next door (yes I KNOW japhet is male but he's based off if her in the father's head)

She's is very controlling person who enjoys gossip and can't mind her own business always sticking her nose where she can as well as pushing everyone around she does everything she can to get attention and impress people and she's flirted with the father mutiple times but she's ignored her every time

She has very loud and noisy birds and has killed thier other family cat Venice saying that she did it as self defense (Venice is Valerie basically)

The father views her as a parasite

Enoch= he resembles another dad that takes his kid to baseball practice but is in bad terms with the mother and will constantly pick on hugo for fun

He assumes if the father approaches him its because his wife told him to do so

and will constantly say that his child and wife are happy ,living a life with no problems thinking that he's got life figured out

Even though its clear that his son isn't enjoying baseball at all, is quite over wieght as well as his wife ignores him all the time not to mention he's constantly eating meaning that he has some sort of food addiction it seems he sees no irony in his life at all

The father sees him as an irresponsible over wieght person who's always lying to himself and to blind to see the truth thinking that his life is ok when it's clearly not

Zacharie = irl he's the father's best friend since middle school and they've known each other for years he was the best man at the wedding he's bisexual and in a relationship with a girl named sweetie (please don't hate me batterie shippers QWQ!) He used to crush on the father and even confessed to him on the wedding day he was heartbroken but accepted that the relationship was never gonna happen and was even mad at his best friend but realized it was wrong of him to feel that way

He eventually moves on

He likes to bring and buy alot stuff and show them to his best pal later somegimes illegal stuff (he even brought weed over one time oh boy) he's like an uncle to hugo and is always happy to help and defend his best friend no matter what

He views him as a brother and family member aswell as a very optimistic chill dude and will jokingly refer to him as "the merchant"

Sugar: irl she's zacharie's gf (before her he had 2 toxic exes and she helped him out of those toxic relationships) she and the father don't really talk all that much so he knows little to absolutely nothing about her aside from the fact that she likes to talk funny sometimes and is really into dolls and aliens and a slight addiction to eating pixie straws (straws filled with powered candy or sugar)

He views her as a silent person nothing much

The elsens= they are the people that the father meets/sees/interacts with everyday/every once in a while but don't have much of a connection with (you know like a co worker you have small talk with or barely ever see)

Now for the plot :

After the father enters a comma the son starts to go from school to the hospital (they're very close to each other and you can say hugo is 5-7 years old and ) and visits his dad everyday and calls out to him hoping it'd wake him up

The mother scolds him for running off without super vision and that his dad won't wake up if he keeps calling him that whatever he does is useless that his father will remain to be a lifeless bag of meat on a bed

Hugo doesn't give up ignoring his mother's words

She realizes that hugo has an obsession with his unconscious father that is affecting his studies along with his social life

Zacharie doesn't make this any better because he offers to pick up hugo after school to prevent him from getting abducted or lost along with his jokes all the time

She slowly starts to Contemplate turning off the life support machine wondering if it would fix everything

Hugo hasn't been paying attention in class and thier marriage has been having a issues lately her family never liked or accepted him she sees zacharie and others as annoying and problems bringers and maybe they'd have less expenses if hugo didn't have to go to baseball pratice every day not to mention he'd less likely get hurt if he stopped playing

Everyone else started to convince her to turn off life support they discuss this next to the unconscious father

She prevents zacharie from seeing hugo and locks out any other connections the fatehr has

finally she becomes convinced however there's 1 barrier preventing her from doing that.....Hugo

The only person who truly gives hugo attention and love is his father without his father he'd feel lost and scared his mother is always working and doesn't give him much attention

Everyone tells him to give up on his dad and move on but hugo stands his ground

Alot of the arguments and conversations happen in the hospital room next to the father so he hears everything in his comma which leads to the creation of the world of OFF in his head

Therefore we play as hugo through out the game (dressed in a baseball outfit) solving puzzles and fighting enemies "purifying" the world

Not much changes the boss battles the add ons etc. Will remain the same in this au

Maybe there will be more rubber duck /duck/ bird themed stuff in this au aside from the pedalos (ex:move the boxes to make them look like a duck idk lol)

However the final boss will change

Canonly batter is stopped by the judge but in this au the judge sides with hugo because its the queen (the mother) who is trying to turn the switch off and hugo is trying to prevent that

So instead of the judge stopping hugo

Hugo will meet the queen, she will tell him to halt and not bother going any further that her intentions will not change hugo will begin to tell her off everything she's done wrong she will respond saying that she's doing it for thier sake (Hugo's and her's) but hugo calls her out and tells her its not true and she loses her patience with him leading to a boss fight if hugo wins then she will refer to him as "my little sweetheart" and fade into dust

"The room" will also change instead of hugo it'll be his dad (the batter)chained to a wall (basically a prisoner in his own mind) hugo will take 1 step forward activating a trap causing him to plummet down a tube and fall unconscious for a few minutes

When he wakes up he sees the queen and all the guardians standing before him the queen states that he can give up or die trying then she speaks to the puppeteer (the player) the you are given 2 options

1.aide with the queen

2.side with hugo

If you side with the queen you will have the guardians ok your side then Hugo's appearance will change as well he will appear to have a large head with a huge gaping mouth a baby rattle and apron and speech bubbles that say "wah wah" "whine whine" (stating that his mother sees him as a cry baby)

If you defeat hugo then the switch is immediately turned off and it gives 1 out of the 2 bad endings this ending is called "check mate" as a reference to a queen from chess

If you side with hugo then you will be defeated but you won't get a game over yet instead the queen will give you 1 last chance

Then you are given 3 options

1."surrender" 2."gasp for help" 3."cry"

If you choose surrender then you will get the 2nd bad ending in which in life support is turned off the father dies hugo becomes lonely with his mother busy all the time (and not allowing him out side the house and not trusting people) which leads to hugo growing up cold,plain and unloving

At some point there's a scene where adult hugo stares at his old mother laying on the kitchen floor in pain for a few minutes instead of helping her immediately indicating that he doesn't care

If you choose "gasp for help" then you will get the good ending "aye batta batta,strike!" In which hugo will call for help (while in deep pain from the fight) after a few calls judge,zacharie,sugar and a few elsens will come to the rescue and revive you fighting by your side allowing you to defeat the queen and guardians

Everything slowly starts to go back and the father wakes up from his comma everyone in the room stares in shock but hugo had the biggest smile on his face while standing next to his dad's bed "did...I miss something?"

"...daddy *breaks into tears*"

The 3rd ending called "better late than never" is triggered when you choose "cry"

Hugo will cry very loudly

The mother changes her mind and doesn't turn off life support but hugo stops visiting his dad and similar to the 2nd bad ending hugo grows up to be cold and unloving 13-16 years later hugo visits his father again and he finally wakes up from his comma and is discharged from the hospital after 1 year of rehabilitation therapy

By now the mother had remarried and the father missed his son's childhood so now he has to relive his life

However hugo meets a girl who is a complete opposite to him at work and church (rainbow hair,optimistic,enjoys music of various kinds,loves cute things,baking,jokes,and artist etc.) And is forced to work with her as well as she tries to get Hugo's attention so he asks his father for advice on how to get rid of this woman which leads to alot stuff going on and hugo allowing how to love and live life leading him to falling in love with the girl and becoming a new man

(This is personally my favorite ending lol and I MIGHT write fanfic of it on wattpad or here idk tbh )

Anyway this my OFF au I GUESS the name can change to the ON au or OFF/ON au lmao idk

Reblogs and feed back is appreciated

PLEASE DONT STEAL MY AU i worked hard on this thing spent 5 hours to write it all

Heh I sat this as of anyone is even gonna read whatever I dount it'll get noticed at all

[dooftochter]

a   meta   on   montynessa   vanessa   and   romance   cause   i’m   always   emotional.

note:   this   is   of   course   able   to   change   if   ever   a   monty   or   a   johnny   show   up   and   we   plot   something   different.   failing   that   ,   this   is   the   default   course   of   their   relationship.

                    let’s   start   this   off   by   saying   that   vanessa   is   every   bit   the   hopeless   romantic   that   candace   is.   she   wants   to   be   in   love   ,   she   wants   to   hold   hands   and   go   on   dates   and   have   all   those   dumb   ,   cheesy   moments   that   couples   do.   that   being   said   ,   vanessa’s   outlook   on   love   and   romance   is   a   little   more   realistic   than   candace’s.   she   doesn’t   remember   much   about   her   parents’   divorce   ,   but   she   knows   that   they   really   did   love   each   other.   she   remembers   that   much.   and   she   knows   that   passionate   ,   wholesome   love   can   sour   or   dissipate   if   the   couple   doesn’t   bother   to   communicate   ,   or   fails   to   understand   one   another.   she   would   love   it   if   her   romances   lasted   forever   ,   but   she   understands   very   clearly   that   it   isn’t   likely.

                    vanessa   knows   what   she   wants   and   isn’t   afraid   to   go   after   it.   she   isn’t   shy.   talking   to   the   object   of   her   affection   doesn’t   turn   her   into   a   stuttering   ,   blushy   mess.   the   first   crush   we   see   her   have   (   johnny   )   isn’t   some   stranger   ;   it’s   someone   she   has   already   known   and   already   has  a   connection   with   and   already   has   a   lot   in   common   with.   while   she’s   shocked   that   heinz   went   through   her   notebook   ,   she   isn’t   embarrassed   to   realize   her   dad   knows   who   she   has   a   crush   on.   heinz   even   encourages   it   by   inviting   johnny   to   her   birthday   party.   we   see   throughout   his   various   attempts   at   getting   dates   that   heinz   ,    too   ,   is   a   hopeless   romantic.   he   isn’t   some   disgusting   ,   misogynistic    pos   who   thinks   that   his   daughter   is   his   property   ,   either.   points   to   heinz.   point   is   ,   though   ,   that   she’s   forward   ,   and   she’s   used   to   being   open   about   her   emotions   ,   for   the   most   part.   (   she   even   lays   her   head   on   johnny’s   shoulder   during   her   birthday   party   ,   before   they’re   actually   dating   ,   because   she’s   apparently   very   good   at   flirting   ,   you   go   girl.    )

                    continuing   on   the   thread   that   vanessa   knows   what   she   wants   ,   she   also   knows   very   clearly   how   she   should   be   treated.   her   dad’s   been   a   decent   role   model   in   this   aspect.   his   attempts   at   pleasing   her   are   based   mostly   on   what   he   would   have   liked   at   her   age   ,   but   he   does   still   try   to   make   her   happy.    she’s   used   to   being   treated   well.   not   as   the   most   important   thing   at   any   given   moment   ,   but   as   one   of   them.   she   craves   open   communication   and   honesty   ,   and   she   wants   to   feel   important.   she   breaks   up   with   johnny   because   he   acts   as   if   video   games   are   more   important   than   her   ,   but   she   says   “   that’s   it!   ”   before   breaking   up   with   him   ,   suggesting   that   there   are   more   instances   in   which   he   hasn’t   treated   her   the   way   she   wants   to   be   treated.   we   find   out   later   that   this   is   likely   the   case.   in   doof   101   ,   johnny   can’t   take   no   for   an   answer.   when   the   episode   takes   place   ,   they’ve   been   broken   up   for   about   two   months   ,   vanessa’s   presumably   in   a   relationship   with   monty   ,   and   johnny   still   won’t   let   up.   vanessa   doesn’t   have   any   interest   in   him   ,   but   she   still   greets   him.   he   takes   vanessa’s   interest   in   seeing   him   turned   back   into   a   human   as   a   sign   that   she   still   likes   him   ,   which   she   very   much   doesn’t.   hell   ,   he   kidnaps   her   ,   like   fucking   king   kong.   johnny   gives off   major   nice   guy™   vibes.   vanessa   was   right   to   get   out   when   she   did.   she   knows   how   she   should   be   treated   and   that   was   not   it.

                    when   vanessa   meets monty   ,   he   swoops   in   to   save   her   ,   perry   ,   and   her   dad   from   rodrigo   ,   an   evil   scientist   in   the   making.   she’s   pretty   clearly   attracted   to   him   from   the   get-go   ,   and   she’s   very   clear   about   it   ,   saying   ,   “   i think it’s time i tried a good guy   ,   ”   while   she   and   monty   make   eye   contact.   liking   someone   she   barely   knows   is   new   to   her   ;   her   previous   crush   ,   and   all   the   crushes   before   it   (   in   my   headcanons   )   ,   have   all   been   people   she’s   already   known.   however   ,   while   the   attraction   is   obvious   ,   she   has   no   interest   in   going   after   it.   that   attraction   is   left   unmentioned   until   they   meet   up   accidentally   in   a  coffee   shop.   

                    it’s   there   that   she   starts   an   actual   conversation.   there’s   a   whole   moment   where   she   looks   at   him   ,   recognizes   him   ,   and   pauses.   she   thinks   about   it.   and   then   she   talks   to   him.   she   contemplates   her   attraction   to   him   and   her   previous   relationship   with   a   “   bad   boy.   ”   then   she   decided   to   go   after   him.   she’s   a   hopeless   romantic   ,   and   she   hoped   it’d   all   work   out   in   the   end   ,   despite   his   being   an   agent   working   against   her   dad.   hope   rises   even   more   when   they   realize   what   tastes   they   share   and   how   much   they   have   in   common.   and   they   do   have   a   lot   in   common   ,   even   outside   their   coffee   order   (   cappuccino   with   chocolate   powder   on   top   and   a   ginger   scone   ,   please   )    .   their   dads   expect   one   thing   ,   they   want   another.   they   have   a   similar   sense   of   humor.   he   makes   her   laugh.   they   have   the   same   reaction   to   their   family   being   mocked. or   ,   in   laymen’s   terms   ,   the   same   sense   of   loyalty.   although   their   date   ends   in   an   argument   ,   both   of   them   are   eager   to   spend   time   together   again.   neither   apologizes   ,   neither   backs   down   ,   and   they   don’t   have   to   ;   they   understand   each   other.

                    worth   noticing   is   that   this   is   the   first   relationship   vanessa’s   ever   had   to   keep   a   secret   from   her   father.   vanessa   is   very   open   about   her   relationship   with   johnny   to   heinz.   she   even   breaks   up   with   him   in   heinz’s   house.   she   is   comfortable   enough   and   open   enough   in   her   relationship   with   her   father   that   she   feels  safe   moping   about   a   breakup   near   him   ,   and   he   knows   enough   about   that   relationship   to   tell   johnny   ,   “   didn’t   vanessa   dump   you?   ”   while   she   might   not   tell   her   dad   everything   ,   she   never   hides   things   from   him   either.   and   she   has   to   hide   this   not   just   from   her   dad   ,   but   from   her   mother   too   ,   as   charlene   is   likely   to   talk   to   heinz   about   any   boy   vanessa   brings   around.   the   only   person   who   can   really   know   about   any   of   this   is   her   best   friend   lacy   (   maybe   ,   if   she’s   not   shit   at   keeping   secrets   )   and   perry   the   platypus.   keeping   secrets   is   new   to   her.   but   she   does   it!   partially   because   ,    yes   ,   sneaking   around   makes   the   relationship   all   that   more   appealing   (   she   is   a   teenager   ,   after   all   )   but   mostly   because   she   likes   monty.   she   likes   the   way   he   makes   her   feel   ,   the   way   he   makes   her   laugh   ,   she   likes   making   him   laugh   and   making   him   feel   special.   she   likes   who   he   makes   her.

                    however   ,   in   “   act   your   age   ,   ”   ten   years   after   the   show   takes   place   ,   vanessa   and   monty   have   split.   this   isn’t   surprising   in   real   life   ;   a   lot   of   people   don’t   marry   their   high   school   sweethearts.   however   ,   for   a   show   like   phineas   and   ferb   ,   it   is   noteworthy.   candace   and   jeremy   get   married   in   every   and   any   version   of   the   future.   phineas   and   isabella   always   end   up   together.   i   don’t   take   everything   in   “   act   your   age   ”   as   canon.   it   felt   more   like   some   very   well   produced   fanservice.   while   i   am   willing   to   explore   ferb   and   vanessa’s   relationship   as   adults   ,   it   feels   . . .   slimy   that   they   were   made   canon.   those are just my two cents on the issue. anyway   ,   ten   years   into   the   future   ,   whether   or   not   vanessa   and   ferb   do   end   up   together   ,   vanessa   and   monty   have   broken   up.   vanessa   does   not   initiate   the   breakup   ;   monty   does.   monty   fell   out   of   love   with   vanessa   ,   while   vanessa   only   fell   deeper   into   it.   vanessa   loved   him.   she   loved   the   way   he   made   her   feel   ,   loved   the   way   they   joked   together   ,   loved   his   innate   goodness   ,   despite   his   sarcasm   and   sass.   

                    vanessa’s   morals   are   slightly   looser   than   monty’s   own   ;   she   isn’t   good   or   evil.   he   very   much   is.   her   moral   grayness   was   the   main   issue   in   their   relationship   as   they   grew   older   ,   and    that   snowballed   into   larger   issues   ,   which  ��grew   into   fights.   their   breakup   was   messy   and   drawn   out.   they   would   have   loud   ,   exhausting   arguments.   neither   one   would   apologize   or   back   down   ,   very   similarly   to   their   first   fight.   then   ,   in   the   morning   ,   they   would   pretend   things   were   alright   again.   they   would   never   talk   about   it   ,   because   talking   about   their   issues   would   dissolve   into   another   argument.   monty   eventually   decided   that   their   relationship   wasn’t   worth   it   anymore.   although   he   cared   about   her   deeply   ,   and   it   hurt   him   to   hurt   her   ,   he   couldn’t   say   that   he   was   in   love   with   her   anymore.

                    she   doesn’t   beg   him   to   stay.   she   respects   his   choices   and   when   he   broke   up   with   her   ,   she   gathered   her   courage   ,   said   okay  ,   and   mourned   by   herself.   she   was   inconsolable   for   a   month.   cried   herself   to   sleep   for   weeks.   she   was   still   very   much   in   love   with   him   ,   and   this   breakup   hits   her   like   a   freight   train.   it   takes   her   a   long   time   to   be   okay   ,   to   be   able   to   listen   to   love   songs   without   crying.   she   wears   his   hoodie   to   sleep   long   after   they’ve   broken   up.   while   she   genuinely   wants   the   best   for   him   ,   wants   him   to   be   happy   however   he   can   be   ,   she   still   desperately   wants   him   to   be   happy   with   her.

                    when   this   breakup   happens   changes   according   to   my   mood   and   to   the   verse   ,   tbh.   for   the   most   part   ,   it   happens   in   the   middle   of   her   college   career   ,   when   she’s   well   into   her   twenties.   they’d   been   living   together   for   at   least   a   year   at   the   time.   vanessa   decides   to   move   into   her   father’s   house   instead   of   her   mother’s   ,   mostly   because   she   feels   like   he   can   relate   more.   this   breakup   is   one   of   the   reasons   she   graduates   a   little   late   from   college   ,   as   she   takes   a   semester   off   to   focus   on   herself.   the   other   part   is   that   she   does   want   to   keep   up   with   her   youtube   posting   ,   as   she   enjoys   that   very   much.

[racefortheironthrone]

Thoughts on House of X #4

Over the halfway mark!

Look At What They’ve Done Infographic:

Suprisingly for an issue that, in retrospect is the climax of the standard superheroics part of House of X, this issue starts with an infographic, which turns out to be one of the more controversial in HoX/PoX.

Foreshadowing what’s going to come at the end of the issue, the tone is already different from the pseudo-academic objectivity of earlier infographics, although the term “mutant erasure” evokes the activist-inspired, post-cultural turn work of critical race/gender/sexuality studies, which is something of a stepping-stone. 

By contrast, describing Wanda Maximoff as both “the pretender” (does this mean “not-really-a-mutant” or “not-really-Magneto’s-daughter” or both?) and as associated with the Avengers is incredibly politically pointed, which speak to a particular kind of mutant nationalist identity that bears a good deal of grievance towards even benevolent human institutions.

Similarly, the term “human-on-mutant violence” is way too evocative of real world debates over racism and police violence to be accidental on the author’s point. It’s a depressing thought, but the 616 probably sees a lot of “what about mutant-on-mutant violence?” derailings, maybe as many as creep up in threads about HoX/Pox here...

So let’s get at the controversy: can Bolivar Trask be blamed for the Genoshan genocide? Contrary to a few voices in the fandom, I would argue strongly for the affirmative. As we see from his initial appearance, Trask created the Sentinels entirely out of racial paranoia/hatred; moreover, Sentinels have no purpose other than A. destroying all mutants and B. subjugating the human race along the way. Cassandra Nova’s actions on Genosha absolutely followed the Trask playbook of both father and son, and indeed relied on Larry Trask’s assistance to carry it out, making it a Trask affair from beginning to end. 

On a final meta note, this infographic really speaks to the outsized impact that Morrison’s New X-Men and Bendis’ House of M had on the X-line for the last 15-20 years. 

Observation-Analysis-Invocation-Connection:

But before we get to the punching, we get one burst of Hickman’s fascination with singularities and transhumanism, where for the first time we really get an example of how the Krakoan biological approach is going to work, showing us a surprisingly complicated biomachine:

Trinity (who runs the Secondary/External Systems part of Krakoa) uses her technopathy to gather intelligence from human mechanical systems: the Aracibo Arecibo Observatory in Puerto Rico, “re-tasked SETI radio telescopes," both of which are real things, and the “Dyson solar observatory,” which isn’t. 

Beast (who runs the Overwatch/Data Analysis part of Krakoa) uses Krakoan biocomputers and his own scientific genius to “extrapolate that data into an actionable forecast,” to deal with the delay caused by the immense distances between Krakoa and Sol’s Forge.

Professor X and Cerebro handle the direct Connection between Krakoa and the away team, while the Cuckoos link Trinity, Beast, Storm into a psychic link with Xavier, which means all of the parts of the system work seamlessly even as Storm handles the Invocation of visually representing Jean Grey’s thoughts.

If you step back and think about it, this is an astonishing technological feat: with minimal reliance on machine technology, Krakoa has established a NASA “KASA Mission Control” that can send data across half a solar system almost(?) instantly. 

That’s before we even get to the whole secondary purpose of the system, which is to allow Professor X and the Five to resurrect an up-to-date version of anyone who dies on the mission, which is one hell of a life-rope. 

Thematically, we see a really sharp distinction between biological and mechanical transhumanism/singularity: “KASA Mission Control” is described in biological terms, “function[ing] as a singular organism,” and also in religious terms, with “eight of us acting as one” explicitly labelled as “Communion.” And yet...the eight people involved retain their separate personalities and identities and no separate, artificial intelligence is created. 

Should We Fear the Worst?

 And across five hundred million miles, all Krakoa gets is bad news. Archangel and Husk, the redshirt’s redshirts on this mission, are dead before they do anything; Nightcrawler has some level of “internal injury,” and Wolverine almost had his arm blown off.

Incidentally, page 7 is where something of a problem crops up with Jean Grey’s characterization. As people have noted, Jean Grey starts off in the passive communications role (indeed, she’s even reliant on Monet to do that job) and doesn’t really improve from there. With the added context of her wearing her Silver Age miniskirt costume, it’s all a bit sus, especially if you’ve been reading a much more self-possessed, confident, and all-around more powerful version of Jean Grey in X-Men: Red. For a while, many of us were thinking that Jean is a younger backup, but that seems to have been Jossed by the resurrection ceremony in House of X #5. 

Better characterization abounds for the men: following their conversation from the previous issue, Cyclops and Wolverine have different perspectives about the question of whether to continue on with the mission (another key element of the special ops/espionage thriller genre). Cyclops emphasizes pushing on to make Warren and Paige’s sacrifice meaningful, Logan agrees but rather because of the existential stakes of the mission. There’s an interesting parallel there between Xavier and Magneto and means vs. ends. 

Following the catastrophe, Nightcrawler successfully inserts the struje team, while “Jean and Monet will stay to maintain our connection with Krakoa;”we know know that part was crucial in more than one way, but it is a continuation of some troubling gender dynamics.

Meanwhile, despite being “technically...just an observer” (and doesn’t that ring of all kinds of Cold War proxy wars), Omega Sentinel takes action to prompt Dr. Gregor into retaliation, similarly playing to the nationalistic theme of “if you don’t, he will have died for nothing.” 

Orchis’ retaliation doesn’t go so well, as we see Wolverine carving his way through an AIM securtiy team and Nightcrawler bloodlessly tying up two scientists (note the further emphasis on differing personalities and values; whoever these X-Men might be, they’re not mindless followers) towards popping two of the four constraint collars.

Unfortunately, this is followed up by a couple pages of more Jean Grey being awfully Damselly: yes, she’s holding open the connection, but she’s coded as way more helpless and indecisive than Monet (who gets to go out like a badass defending the shuttle), and the line “I dunno what to say, Marvel Girl. Try harder” really sums it all up. So far, this is reading a lot more like Stan Lee’s Jean Grey (but not Jack Kirby’s) than Chris Claremont’s. 

With the tension ratcheting ever-higher, we see Cyclops succeeding at his mission, while Mystique...doesn’t and then gets promptly blown out an airlock. The “habitat” connection and the odd business with her getting “turned around” despite having the plans for the base in her head like everyone else is highly suspicious (it might suggest the use of a Krakoa flower, but no one’s ever suggested what her motivation would be for doing so), but it’ll have to go on the list of plot threads that weren’t resolved in House of X.

In a development that really ought to be troubling to more people, Dr. Gregor throws away whatever moral compunctions she has about waking up a potentially violently insane A.I because “I don’t let them stop us. No matter what,” a potentially existential downside to Omega’s strategy. 

Do Whatever It Takes:

Having reached the “darkest moment” in the story diagram, Professor X orders his students to “do whatever it takes” to prevent Mother Mold from coming on line. This prompts Cyclops to give the order to Nightcrawler and Wolverine to jump out into unprotected space to sever the last constraint collar. All in all, we’re following the traditional beats of the special ops/espionage genre pretty closely, down to the team leader’s moral anguish moment.

Appropriately, we then get a quiet moment where Kurt and Logan contemplate whether or what will be “waiting for us on the other side.” Even knowing what we know now about the resurrection system, there’s still a good deal of weight to this moment, because in a way this Kurt and this Logan are going to die and whether they’re the same Kurt and Logan who will be reborn is a matter I’ll take up in Powers of X #5 along with the difficult topic of the philosophy of identity. (I’m going to leave aside the question of them having gone to literal Heaven and Hell in the past, because my Doylist position is that those story threads were probably a bad idea and my Watsonian No Prize is that you can’t remember the afterlife once returned to earth.)

Surprisingly, things get only more metaphysically weird when the two teleport outside and Wolverine starts chopping his way through the last arm. Mother Mold wakes up and immdiately starts talking about Greek mythology. Mother Mold’s interpretation of the Titanomachy is a little choppy (as we might expect from an insane A.I): on the one hand, if humanity are the Olympian gods as the creator of the Sentinels and the mutants are the Titans because of “their spoiled lineage” (this doesn’t quite work, because the Titans preceded the Olympians), then the Sentinels being “Man” makes sense. And as someone who’s written his share of college papers about omniscience/predestination/free will in Greek myth and drama, there’s a plausible anti-theist position whereby human beings might “judge and find you both wanting.” (Although that language is too Book of Daniel for the Greeks.) On the other hand, if the Sentinels are man, them having “stolen your fire” doesn’t work either - humanity was given fire by the Titan Prometheus - unless the argument is that Wolverine is Prometheus because he yeets Mother Mold into the sun?

Regardless, it’s a very ominous note for Mother Mold to go out on, because the consistent anti-human/Olympian tone suggests this insane A.I might hate humans way more than it hates mutants. 

With the day seemingly saved, we transition into the Rogue One scenario where Cyclops is murdered by a vengeful Dr. Gregor and Jean is torn apart by Sentinel drones. 

As gruesome as all of this is, I think it does play a very important role in explaining a good deal of Charles Xavier’s change of mind with regard to human-mutant harmony and assimilation. While this incident didn’t prompt any of the decisions that he’s made along the way - this mission is happening post-Xavier’s announcement and a day before the U.N vote, making it quite late in the X^1 timeline - I think it does a good job of showing us the kind of thought patterns that have led Xavier to this conclusion. In addition to everything he’s seen from Moira’s past nine lives, which only lend a greater sense of urgency and the fear of inevitability, Xavier himself has experienced the deaths of “our children” over and over again as the founder of the X-Men, and clearly both the direct trauma (keep in mind, he’s hooked into the minds of all of his X-Men as they die) and the pain he feels at humanity’s apathy/atrocity fatigue, goes a long way to explaining why he’ll make the decision that integration and assimilation are no longer viable options.

For all the crap that people sometime sling at Hickman over his use of charts, I will say that the way that “NO MORE” weaponizes them by extra-textually demonstrating the breakdown of the facade of calm objectivity is incredibly effective.

[pan1c1ng]

Wrong Time

Pairing: Nine x Reader (sort of), Mentions of Rose and Thirteen

Plot: After Rose Tyler declined the offer of traveling in space with the Doctor, he went and moved on with his life. Traveling through time and space, saving people and well, being the Doctor. Until he lands back on Earth and runs into someone from his very distant future; someone he hasn’t met.....yet. What if this person helped change his mind about traveling alone without his bad wolf girl?

Word Count: 1,754 (yikes)

Authors Note: This is based on a theory that I very much fell in love with. I can't find the original post in which said theory is discussed, but if you know then please let me know so I can tag it! I thought it was a really good idea for a fic. This is my first Doctor Who fic, so please let me know if I should continue on with writing them! Also, Nine just needs more love. Thanks for reading!

Gif Credit: @spaceandtimegifs

     The Doctor you had been traveling with was very different than the one that you had just run into. She had mentioned before that she had been a man before and that her species could change every cell in their body when they died. So all that you understood. But it was still weird calling this man ‘The Doctor’. The only similarity you noticed was the northern accent and the eyes as old as the universe. This man had large ears and a very oversized leather coat. But, you had to admit, he was very handsome. You ended up in the wrong year with your Doctor and then somehow ended up alone as the TARDIS dematerialized with the Time Lady still inside. But he didn't know any of that, you thought it would be better if he didn’t know who you were, yet.

     So there you were the two of you. Running down a street in London, hand in hand in immediate danger. For you, this was just another day in your life. Running with the Doctor, trying to save every person that you can. But for this Doctor, he was very suspicious of how well you were taking all of this. Any other stranger would be asking him all these questions about who he was and why they were running towards danger instead of calling the police and ‘Doctor Who??’. But not you. You were so calm, and that concerned him. Reaching the unfamiliar yet familiar looking TARDIS, you already expected what others wouldn't on the first meeting with this spaceman. Though the interior was a bit of a shock at first. “Yes, I can already tell what you’re gonna say. It’s bigger on the-” “-inside. Yea I get that bit.” You cut the Doctor off mid-sentence as you looked around in awe at the old interior. “I like it. I don't know, seems a bit more you.” You spun around the console room as you examined the new terrain. Looking back at the man, he leaned his hands against the main console and looked at you with a cocked eyebrow. Pulling the lever to make his ship sail. “Yea, I think so too. Fantastic isn’t it?” This cheeky smile appeared on his face. Almost like a switch of moods. In a way, it scared you how easy it was for him to do that. The Doctor you knew seemed to always be in this cheery mood. You looked at him with so much wonder. He was so brand new to you. Definitely not the same person. Gender aside and all that. His whole demeanor was different. 

     Hours had passed and victory was all yours. The creature had been sent back to its home planet under the command that it should never return to the Earth. You and the Doctor sat in a small cafe at six o’clock in the morning, the sun rising over the city. The golden hour. You both had warm cups of coffee sitting in front of you with a small loaf of banana nut bread for the two of you share. The Doctor shared stories with you about his past adventures. Some of which you had heard loads of times. Others were like brand new symphonies to your ears. But the ones you had heard, there were added details. The story was the same but it sounded a bit more honest with this voice. This different demeanor of your best friend. Silence fell between the two of you before the Doctor spoke up. “Travel with me.” The Doctor said. You looked up from your cup of coffee with little expression. His eyes looked so tired and so sad, but also had a small glimmer of hope and yearning. You smiled, thinking of the first time your Doctor had said those words to you. How nervous and scared you were, yet excited and curious. You felt those things now, but you somehow also felt a feeling of sadness. “I haven’t told you who I am, Doctor. You know my name of course, but who I am is far more important.” His mood seemed to change.

     “I can’t travel with you. Well, not this you. I’m someone from your future, Doctor. Very distant future. Basic story; something bad is going to happen to the planet, you come along, you meet me, we save the day, we start traveling together.” He sits back in his chair, arms crossed and eyebrow cocked. “So, how are you here. If you’re supposed to be with....me? Have I abandoned you?” The Doctor’s voice turned to a higher pitch with his last question. “No..Yes...I really don’t know. The TARDIS landed here, I stepped out first and then it dematerialized. You were still inside, but I know you, Doctor. You’ll be back soon. I’m not stuck here. You always come back.” He looked sad in a way. “If I don’t, then will you travel with me. You’re brilliant. I can’t wait all that time. I don’t want to.” He said. Your breath hitched. He didn’t seem confident in your Doctor’s reappearance, and that made you fearful. But you contemplated it. How else would you get home? “If that were the case then yes. In that situation, if you didn't return, then I would travel with you.” He smiled slightly, but it wasn’t a happy smile of relief or gratitude. His smile showed sadness and regret. 

     A couple of minutes had passed by. This new version of your best friend was growing on you, and a small part of you didn’t want to leave him. He seemed lonely as if he was waiting on the edge of his seat for someone to come along. Your Doctor didn’t tell you a lot about her past, but you did ask once in a while if there was anyone else. Anyone other than you, which of course there was, but the look on her face when she talked about them was not the reactions you were expecting. It was mostly an overall look of sadness and regret. But she came around to you one day. You knew about Donna, the one who forgot. You knew about Martha, the one who left. And Rose. How she talked about Rose was something that stuck with you. You didn’t know why. But it did prompt you to ask your next question. “Where’s Rose?” The Doctor stopped sipping his drink and looked up at you. He looked confused. “How do you know about Rose?” “You talk about her sometimes. You talked about her when you were....you.” He paused again, putting his cup down and crossing his arms against his chest.

     “She said no. She was one of the few that did. I can’t go and change someone's mind like that now can I?” He talked about the situation like it was no big deal. But you knew another side of that relationship. You knew the Doctor loved that wonderful blonde woman. “Yes, you can. You have changed my mind so many times. So who’s to say that you can’t change hers?” His eyes narrowed. He wasn’t buying the plead to go back to her. “Doctor, the way you talk about her is nothing to push aside-” “Rose Tyler was just a girl that I met-” “Not to you!” Interrupting each other was something you both did well. “That girl made you happy, Doctor. Being with her made you feel something. You never said it in so many words, but I’m quite good at reading people. It’s one of my many talents.” You sat back in the booth, picking up your coffee mug and taking a sip. “I haven’t felt anything in a very long time, Y/N. How is a shop girl going to change that?” He shakes his head and looks out the window of the diner. The streets were starting to fill with people and cabs now. His focus was drawn back to you as you grabbed one of his hands. “Why don’t you go and find out. You’ve got a time machine. Use it.”

     An hour or so passed. You had gotten a call from your Doctor saying that she was on her way to you. Now you were at a meeting place with your new and old friend. “So, no chance of staying with me?” He looked down at you with a small smirk plastered across his face. You rubbed his shoulder gently, a reassuring gesture. “There are so many people out there who come before me. Good people that you haven’t met yet and some that you already have. The day when we cross paths again will come. And I promise we’ll go on so many adventures together. But until then, you know what to do.” In a way, you were sad to leave him. You had grown quite fond of this man. The faint sound of the TARDIS could be heard down the street. You turned towards the direction of the machine. He gripped your free hand, the way a child does with his mother when he doesn’t want her to leave. You turned back around and gave him a hug. “Thank you for being my Doctor.” You closed your eyes as the words made your throat tighten with emotion. You let go of each other. Making your way back to the TARDIS, his voice called out for you. “Y/N!” You stopped and turned to face him. “That man you’re with. Whoever he is. Just tell me, is he happy? Finally? Am I ever going to be happy?” He didn’t sound so sure of himself. But you smiled. “Oh Doctor, my Doctor. Believe me, she is absolutely...Fantastic.” His expression changed from unsure to surprised to happy in a matter of seconds. You turned back towards the ship, pulling the spare key out of your pocket. Reaching the door, you glanced back one more time to see him, but he was gone. You smiled to yourself once more before disappearing into the time machine.

     The Doctor made his way back to his TARDIS. Once inside, he pulled levers, pressed buttons and set a date and time for a destination. 2005. Seconds after Rose Tyler declined his offer. The TARDIS landed within a minute or two of travel. The nineteen-year-old girl turned back around to the sound of the ship that she had just become so familiar with. The Doctor poked his head outside the door. “Oh, did I mention it also travels in time.”

[whitestopper]

LOONA Timeline Theory: LOOPD AU

Timeline:

Quick key:

Bold- 1/3 world, Italics- OEC world, Underlined- yyxy world,

Striked- alternate world/unknown, [in these brackets]- dream state

Highlighted- points of erasure

(Also, I wasn’t really sure which workd to place some in but chronologically they’re more or less in the right order. Additionally I have written down titles multiple times as I feel like different plot points have spacing between them. Eg: Love&Live’s two plot points have some time passing between them.)

— — — — — —

Okay, so LOONA seem to have put lots of emphasis on looping in their discography:

ViVi, Kim Lip, Yves and Olivia Hye have casette tapes in their MV

Girl Front shows the girls experience looping properties

Jinsoul’s rap mentions ‘the endless cycle’

And then I thought, if only ViVi’s memories weren’t erased, then the timeline would probably be clearer.

Then it hit me: what if everyone’s memories were being erased, keeping the timeline in its loop?

This could be why the LOONAVERSE is referred to as a Mobius Strip- a constant but unstable loop, as no one is allowed to develop.

So let’s walk through the timeline:

——————

STAGE 1 (SCL - E):

We start off with Everyday I Need You, where ViVi, an android, comes across Jinsoul near the beginning of Sweet Crazy Love and ‘releases her from her basement’ (making ViVi the one who took out Jinsoul’s earphone), which causes the release of Jinsoul’s rain (in Singing In The Rain) to make the memories of 1/3 (Heejin, Hyunjin, Haseul, ViVi) be erased (in Rain 51db). Meanwhile, Chuu and Go Won, clueless and in OEC world, give Hyunjin a bracelet; just as one side goes up while the other goes down on a SeeSaw, Hyunjin falls from OEC world to Earth while Chuu and Go Won return to Eden.

Hyunjin, while happy to have helped Chuu and Go Won, mourns her removal from OEC world in Around You. However the bracelet is actually a bakoneko in disguise (shout out to @pinksrs, who inspired this detail), and as the animal’s influence grows stronger, Heejin and Hyunjin find each other. Later, they can’t get the other out of their mind, and they share a dream (I’ll Be There).

After some time, Heejin discovers her power to bring out colours in ViVid, allowing Jinsoul to awaken her ODD eye; as atonement for erasing her memory, she gives ViVi her own ODD eye to help her navigate the world. As Hyunjin, a primary colour, is absent, Kim Lip’s red and Jinsoul’s blue combine to make Choerry, the purple girl, to fill in her place. Kim Lip goes off to work on her own powers in Eclipse.

STAGE 2 (LCM - L&L):

Choerry is just hanging out with her friends, Haseul and Yeojin; while her colour has been added to her, she is still on Earth. Jinsoul travels there to leave a cherry, and when Choerry eats it, she is transported to OEC’S world, where an alternate version of herself teaches her how to use her powers over the events of Love Cherry Motion.

Meanwhile in New, Yves has doubt about being in Eden. She creates an apple by combining the attributes of two girls: Yeojin and Kim Lip. However in doing this, she traps Yeojin, seperating her from 1/3, and causes antagonism between her and Kim Lip.

At this point, 1/3 are in a pretty bad mood; Heejin’s power makes her feel isolated, Hyunjin is cut off from her home, Haseul has just lost Yeojin and Choerry, and ViVi’s android status leaves her practically apathetic. Thankfully, as they contemplate on the past events in Sonatine, they are close enough together that Heejin releases their colours, which ViVi’s ODD eye senses. Later that night, they share a dream through Everyday I Love You; Yeojin, who is trapped elsewhere but is granted the power to join their dream, attempts to make contact with them. This dream, actually a memory of ViVi buried deep down, is set off by Yves’ arrival onto Earth, as she has eaten her apple.

After seeing each other in the dream, 1/3 are drawn together and come up with the idea to start a track team. Some time passes in Love&Live, during which Heejin discovers that ViVi is an android, until ViVi has a realisation when she sees Hyunjin, the former OEC girl now in 1/3, with her colour while running; she unplugs herself, willing to lose her ODD eye, and runs until it runs out of energy; she loses it and becomes human again, in time to come across Yves.

STAGE 3 (GF - HA):

As ViVi and Yves spend time together (cough fall in love cough) in New, they travel to Eden to spend more time together. Meanwhile Girl Front starts to happen; Kim Lip and Jinsoul look for the new OEC girl, while Choerry looks for all 12 of LOONA. On her way, she finds the locations of a few, including Hyunjin and Yeojin, and she throws a map for Haseul to find in Let Me In. Haseul discovers that she has the power to save Yeojin (as Haseul and Yeojin’s signature animals are a bird and a frog respectively, I based this bit on this piece of Taiwanese folklore).

In The Carol, Heejin manages to combine the attributes of Haseul’s animal and Hyunjin’s colour to create the yellow bird necessary for Yeojin’s escape (the gift she holds in the MV which appears later). Meanwhile, the OEC girls unite, but as they look for the others, Yves (and ViVi) pass by, and Choerry follows Yves to yyxy world (as seen in Starlight) where ViRryVes spend The Carol 2.0 together; during this, Yves convinces Choerry to help the other yyxy girls fall to Earth, in exchange for allowing Choerry to also return; missing Haseul and Yeojin, Choerry agrees.

This increases Kim Lip’s dislike of Yves, and now she also fears losing another OEC girl. In order to preserve OEC, during the end of Girl Front, she tries to go back in time to reverse the events which led to Choerry meeting ViVi and Yves; however she doesn’t realise that she does not erase the events but only the memories of those events from herself- in fact she erases all of her memories up to and including Sweet Crazy Love, so she loses knowledge of her ODD eye.

Using her (love cherry) magic, Choerry takes the properties from the apple Yves gave her (as fruits from the Rosacae family allow one to fall from Eden) and give them to Go Won’s pineapple. However, Choerry comes across Yeojin, trapped in yyxy’s world. Choerry manages to come across Hyunjin, who gives her the present (briefly seen in Kiss Later) to free Yeojin; however, still angry at Yves for trapping Yeojin, she causes Yves’ original apple to be ‘corrupted’- as soon as Kim Lip and Yeojin are ‘reset’, Yves will be brought back to Eden. As soon as she has given the fruit to Go Won in One&Only, Choerry returns herself to Earth, inadvertently erasing her memory as she does so, and also losing her own ODD eye.

During Love4Eva, Yves only has three fruits with her, so she prepares to leave Eden with Go Won and Chuu, believing that Olivia Hye does not want to join them and not wanting to waste the fruits.

STAGE 4 (E - E):

In Egoist, Olivia is distraught by this betrayal; in Kiss Later, Yeojin senses this and empathises, having also been hurt by Yves. She refuses to eat the fruit that will let her escape until Jinsoul provides more cherries for Yeojin to eat in order to allow Olivia Hye to have her blood plum. However, ViVi still remains in Eden; in anger, Olivia Hye transforms ViVi into an android, removing her from Eden in the process.

Meanwhile, Chuu and Go Won land in OEC world, memories both wiped; Chuu is woken up by the presence of Haseul’s bird returning from Eden with Yeojin and Jinsoul. Chuu sets off to look for another yyxy member. As Yeojin is returned to Earth, Yves is taken back to Eden. My Melody shows Haseul celebrating Yeojin’s return, while My Sunday features Heejin and Hyunjin together (cough on a date). Meanwhile, Jinsoul tries to convince Olivia Hye to let go, but in her anger, Olivia Hye erases Jinsoul’s memories of having an ODD eye, keeping the ability locked away and plunging the world into black and white. As Egoist ends, Olivia Hye is found by Heejin, who consoles her and helps her return to Eden at the cost of her memories. Before she returns however, Olivia Hye offers Heejin a colour buried deep inside of her: bright pink.

And the cycle begins again: OEC look for their colours, ViVi tries to become human, 1/3 finds their place in the world, Yves feels weary of Olivia Hye, and yyxy feels the urge to leave Eden.

——————

So how does LOONA unite?

Well, they unite by breaking free from the loop, so eventually memories don’t get erased.

In the Hi High (1/3) version (where Hi High takes place within OEC), Egoist doesn’t happen because before Olivia Hye goes on her rampage, Jinsoul (and the rest of OEC) give her a way to Earth, where Yves is surprised but gladly welcomes her. ViVi stays human and keeps the knowledge of how to go beyond. My Melody changes to take place during Hi High, where Haseul and Yeojin retain what they learnt in Let Me In and Eden respectively. Chuu and Go Won thank Hyunjin by offering her their yellow (since orange and green contain that colour) to her, letting her find and rejoin OEC. Kim Lip finds Heejin by sensing her colour, and together LOONA soar into the sky.

——————

Hope you all like (and can access, iaifhejkskv) this version! I ended up not including Butterfly because lore. Anyway, as always, please like, reblog, and comment if you want to discuss!

[wargwhatisitgoodfor]

GRRM’S Much Ado About Mirrors - The Evenstar Necklace of Game of Thrones

NOTE: This is entirely speculation and doesn’t include any spoilers from any episodes. Also when I reference “missing scenes” in the tv series, I’m not implying that the cast and crew filmed them but instead that the show runners informed the actors that those scenes exist in the narrative and then discussed the impact that those scenes would have on the characters moving forward in the story. Since I am running short on time, I may write a second part to this meta after episode two airs.

I am a book reader who acknowledges that Jon Snow may be in love with Sansa Stark at the start of the story (I don’t want to write about that at this point, so please message me if anyone has written/knows of a meta that explains how that’s possible… I’ll reblog with that addition).  Even at this point in the tv series, his love for her from the beginning could be a part the plot, and, if so, then Jaime Lannister or Bronn (the latter may be more likely at this point) may unknowingly expose it when he meets with Sansa and returns the dragonfly necklace (i.e. the “Evenstar Necklace” of Game of Thrones) that Jon originally gave to her between episodes one and two of season one.

Background Information - Sansa’s Dragonfly Necklace is the Inverse of Arwen’s Evenstar Necklace from The Lord of the Rings:  

In writing the film adaptation of The Lord of the Rings, Peter Jackson took the minor plot point of Arwen giving a necklace to Frodo and turned it into a narrative device regarding Arwen and Aragorn’s love for one another that accomplished several items:

The necklace is a talisman as it provides both protection and comfort to Aragorn just as it originally does for Frodo.

It enabled them to reference their personal history without having to do a flashback.

It conveyed their love for one another as well as Arwen’s sacrifice to forgo an immortal life in order to be with Aragorn.

When the audience views Aragorn touching it/in silent contemplation with the necklace in plain view, the audience can imagine that he is thinking of Arwen without having to verbally express it.

The dragonfly necklace would be the “bastard/poor man’s” version of the Evenstar as Jon would have had to commission and pay for it with limited means unlike Arwen who would have received it as a princess from her family. Although it is the man giving it to the woman in Game of Thrones, it would still convey Jon’s love for Sansa as well as the sacrifice/vow that he made to her as his future queen.

If Jaime/Bronn DOES return this dragonfly necklace to Sansa, the audience should be able to view the tv show from the beginning and understand the impact this necklace has on Sansa:

It is a constant part of her wardrobe as Sansa journeys south and settles in King’s Landing even as she changes her clothing and hairstyles to reflect people who influence her and to assimilate more into the Southern culture. Thus, one can infer all of the positive emotions surrounding this piece of jewelry (e.g. she is proud of the necklace, it brings her joy, makes her feel mature, etc.)

The show runners may have intended it to be a talisman for Sansa/an extension of the vow of protection Jon may have made to her when he presented it to her because whenever she removes it from her wardrobe  her experiences are extremely negative: 

Sansa starts wearing the Lannister necklace that Joffrey gives her, which is shortly before Ned’s capture and execution.

Sansa does not have it on during the King’s Landing riot.

When Sansa is courted by Loras Tyrell/his family, she starts wearing another necklace to model herself after their family. This ends when she finds out that she will be marrying Tyrion and staying in King’s Landing instead of marrying into House Tyrell and leaving for Highgarden.  

For the purple wedding, the show creators have Dontos giving her a poisonous necklace instead of a hair net because a.) the necklace is more visible to the audience than a hair piece, and b.) to give her a reason for not wearing the dragonfly necklace to the wedding when Petyr Baelish kidnaps her.

How could the show pull off a “Jon x Sansa” plot twist without the general audience feeling cheated?

The show’s writers CREATED TWO NARRATIVE DEVICES THAT DO NOT EXIST IN THE BOOKS TO TELL THIS STORY DURING SEASON ONE:

PHYSICAL EVIDENCE is provided to indicate that Jon felt this way towards Sansa from the start (Jon gave Sansa the dragonfly necklace around the same time as he gives Arya her present).

THEON/ROS/TYRION SERVE AS A DOUBLE FOR THE DYNAMIC/FEELINGS AMONGST JON/SANSA/JOFFREY.

Part One: Physical Evidence - The Dragonfly Necklace

Just as Jorah presents Tyrion to Dany in season five and Euron brings Ellaria and Tyene to Cersei in season seven, Jaime will be finishing the “rule-of-three” by giving gifts to the last queen/Lady Sansa as a testament of good faith (if it’s Bronn it’ll be part of his ruse to be accepted and ingratiate himself while in Winterfell). Either man should at least give two specific gifts to Sansa:

NED’S DOLL

JON’S DRAGONFLY NECKLACE

Why these Two Gifts?

The doll should be fairly recognizable for the general audience, and they’ll understand the emotional impact that this has on Sansa. The GA may not remember the necklace, but the doll provides a reference point: a.) these are important to Sansa and are from her past. b.) Jaime/Bronn made an effort to bring them to her, and she will be grateful for their return.

This also provides a juxtaposition between how the original gift-givers viewed her at the time: Ned saw Sansa as a little girl, whereas Jon harbored romantic feelings towards her.

What Happens if Jaime or Bronn Does Return these Items?

It’s highly likely that Jon may place the necklace back on Sansa in a gathering of people. This provides an opportunity for the following:

It would be the POSITIVE MIRROR to the season one scene in which Joffrey manipulates Sansa into trusting him when he apologizes for his past actions, gives her the necklace, vows to never hurt her, and then kisses her.

Depending on how this is shot, it could parallel the impact that Ned’s death has on both the GA and on the other characters in the story in that they both realize that they were mistaken in their assumptions/expectations. The entire plot will be affected along with every single character if this scene takes place.  

Jon and Sansa may be able to acknowledge their feelings for each other at present and what happened between them before they left Winterfell (e.g. one that was fairly innocent on a physical level but that .

It provides a parallel between Jon and Sansa and his parents at the Tournament of Harrenhal, specifically the moment when Rhaegar placed the crown of thrones on Lyanna’s head and “all the smiles died”. To make this clear to the GA, we may be getting another flashback/weirwood tree vision of his parents.

Jon making a similarly inappropriate public display of affection as his father did and recognizing that he did so would enable Jon to accept his family’s past.

Part Two: JON/SANSA/JOFFREY in season one have THEON/ROS/TYRION as their DOUBLE

Growing up as outsiders in Winterfell, Jon and Theon are foils to one another just as Joffrey and Tyrion serve the same role within the Lannister family.  THE RESPECTIVE LOVE INTERESTS FOR JON AND THEON ARE SANSA AND ROS (THE PROSISTUTE FROM WINTERTOWN) WHO ALSO HAVE RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEMBERS OF THE LANNISTER FAMILY THAT ARE DICTATED BY THEIR CULTURAL STATIONS IN LIFE (e.g. Sansa is betrothed to Joffrey, and Ros services Tyrion at a brothel). Both Jon and Theon don’t have the social standing and resources to compete with their respective rivals; however as foils, Jon and Theon would differ in how they would treat their romantic interests and in what they communicate to them about their personal feelings.  

Sansa and Ros not only share similar physical features (tall, beautiful redheads) but are strikingly observant, intelligent, and adaptable despite horrible experiences. Their respective stations in life not only dictate their parallel experiences with House Lannister but with other players in King’s Landing until Ros’s death in season three when Petyr sells her to Joffrey (i.e. Yes, Petyr sells both woman to psychopathic noble bastards who enjoy torturing and killing women her with crossbows).

(NOTE: In making these comparisons between the two Northern women, I am not condoning Sansa’s season five storyline in the slightest.)

What are the Missing Scenes between Sansa and Jon?

BASED ON THE SCENES BETWEEN THEON AND ROS, WE CAN DEDUCE THAT THERE WERE AT LEAST TWO PLANNED “MISSING SCENES” THAT WERE TO HAVE TAKEN PLACE BETWEEN JON AND SANSA:

FIRST SCENE - “PRACTICING KISSING”: AS THE POSITIVE MIRROR TO THEON AND ROS, WE CAN DEDUCE THAT SANSA AND JON’S FIRST SCENE DURING THE COURSE OF THE TV SERIES WOULD BE INITIATED BY SANSA AND WOULD INVOLVE AN INNOCENT ALBEIT PHYSICAL ENCOUNTER, MOST LIKELY TO ‘PRACTICE’ KISSING TO PREPARE HER FOR KISSING JOFFREY. THIS CORRELATES TO BOOK!CATELYN’S MEMORIES OF HER AND HER SISTER PRACTICING KISSING PETYR IN ORDER TO PREPARE THEMSELVES FOR THEIR FUTURE HUSBANDS. DURING THE COURSE OF THIS ENCOUNTER, SANSA WOULD LIKELY REALIZE JON’S JEALOUSY TOWARDS JOFFREY JUST AS ROS COMES TO A REALIZATION ABOUT THEON’S FEELINGS TOWARDS HER. 

SECOND SCENE - GOODBYE AND A GIFT: JUST AS JON GIVES ARYA A GIFT THAT SHE IS THRILLED TO RECEIVE, JON SAYS GOODBYE TO SANSA AND GIVES HER A THOUGHTFUL, GENEROUS GIFT (again the positive mirror to Theon being unprepared to say goodbye to Ros, insulting her at first, but finally admitting his feelings towards her). IN ANOTHER REFERENCE TO THE BOOKS, JON MADE A VOW TO PROTECT THE REALM FOR SANSA, HIS FUTURE QUEEN, AS NED DENIED HIS REQUEST TO ACCOMPANY THEM TO KING’S LANDING AS SANSA’S SWORN SWORD.  AFTER ROBERT’S PROPOSAL OF A BETROTHAL BETWEEN SANSA AND JOFFREY, BECOMING A MEMBER OF THE KNIGHT’S WATCH WAS JON’S SECOND CHOICE.  THAT EXPLAINS JON’S FOCUS ON PROTECTING BOTH SANSA AND THE NORTH; IT WAS HIS FIRST AND LAST VOW, AND HE IS STILL DEVOTED TO IT. 

What is the show conveying about Sansa and Jon with the Dragonfly Necklace?

Again, it symbolizes their initial, budding romantic relationship before they both left their home.

As a ‘bastard’ of House Stark, he wasn’t able to give her a necklace with their house’s sigil on it; however JON INADVERTENTLY GIVES SANSA A DERIVATIVE OF HIS FATHER’S SIGIL.

While in captivity in King’s Landing, it provides proof that Sansa was subverting her captors as she silently but physically conveyed her steadfast loyalty to her family.  Just like Jon couldn’t give her a gift with the sigil of House Stark on it, Sansa wasn’t able to wear anything that could have been mistaken as disrespectul to those who were holding her hostage.

It provided a comfort to Sansa while she was a political prisoner and totally isolated from her family. If Jon indeed swore a vow of protection to her/the realm she would rule as queen, then Sansa was seemingly ‘protected’ whenever she wore it and will once again when it is returned to her.

More than likely, it will continue to be a plot device for both Sansa and Jon just as the Lannister necklace Tyrion gave to Ros influenced both of their narratives.

(I’ll hopefully publish part two later this week.)  

[nettlestonenell]

How Peggy Carter Shows Up in Avengers: Endgame

...is actually a really important question to ponder, Gentle Readers. Thanks for asking.

As I recently set forth here, Peggy Carter is the central bedrock of the MCU. If you don’t like her, you don’t like it.

As such, it seems unlikely that the attention she will be given in Endgame will be limited to the infamous black and white picture Steve keeps in his old compass (which some fans believe he looks to for moral guidance. About which I stringently disagree.)

Insert your own traveling-across-realms Once Upon a Time Swanfire keychain reference here.

Just to cover all the possible bases, then; 

SCENARIO #1: Peggy used solely as image/misunderstood totem for Cap.

NOPE.

I firmly expect “actual” Peggy Carter to make an appearance in Endgame, and according to the internet at large, I am not alone.

HOW she makes that appearance, and what is made of her appearance is entirely unknown at this time, but here are the strongest possibilities. (All following scenarios involve Time Travel or universe-shifting.)

SCENARIO #2: 

Cap sent back in time to his version of a Valhalla/warrior’s paradise: right after his jet goes into the ice he manages somehow to arrive the following Saturday at the Stork Club at 8pm as she and he were talking about in his last moments on the radio.

While iconic for that time period, The Stork Club (of New York City) has always seemed a rather upscale venue for Peggy and Steve to pick. (Coincidentally, it closed its doors in 1965)

(Ultimately, you may recall Steve saying he’s going to need a raincheck on that dance.)

I don’t see it. Doing this robs those moments in The First Avenger entirely of their gravity and their far-reaching impact in the MCU. Peggy wouldn’t even have a hot moment to grieve for what she lost. What’s more, Peggy in the immediate aftermath of Steve’s disappearance hasn’t got anything to offer the plot/Cap in the way of fighting Thanos/the power of Infinity Stones. She’s just relegated to a sort of trophy/reward, without any utility in the storyline.

If Peggy Carter is used in Endgame without having something to contribute to the forward motion of the plot, IF, for example, she’s reduced to a sort of ‘Grey Havens’ for Cap, what an utter waste of everything MCU has put into her over the years. If going back to be with Peggy (pre-Marvel’s Agent Carter and ongoing developments in the MCU) is simply Cap’s “reward”, then Peggy gets reduced to nothing but a dog treat. [which, I daresay from reading enough tumblr plenty of bloggers think she is]

Just as I said in that earlier blog, narratively it’s Steve in TFA who has to “come up” to Peggy’s level, both physically 

She could snap him in two if they tried that dance, now.

(at least narratively-speaking—obviously there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong in real life with two partners not being the physical equal of one another, in fact it’s rather more standard than not) and also heroic conviction-wise; he has to be willing to step out there and join the fight (as when he left the showgirls, etc). 

Of course, even leaving the showgirls behind, Steve won’t miss out on the sight of a great pair of legs, Angie Martinelli will gladly tell you.

Ahem. It’s been awhile since Cap woke up from the ice. He’s seen and done a lot. But Peggy, in the immediate wake of his crash, well, she’s hasn’t had a chance to grow similarly.

TFA-era Peggy and Infinity War-era Cap are far from on the same footing. She’s only just had her first brush with the supernatural (Vibranium and the Tesseract, super-soldier serum). She’s still WWII-Peggy, and Cap hasn’t been WWII-Cap for awhile (remember his government’s betrayal in Winter Soldier? His own rebellion in Civil War?).

Unlikely we’ll see this noobishly terrified expression ever again.

Lots has happened since next Saturday at the Stork Club, 8pm. Let’s talk funerals. Cap has gone to Peggy’s, 

I’m not proud of showing you this.

and in the season one finale of Agent Carter, Peggy “Goodbye, My Darling” (words, btw, she never said to him in real-life) Carter takes a moment to pour Steve’s blood sample off the Brooklyn Bridge to prevent it being used for ill, and memorialize and let him go in a real way, which she had yet to be able to do.

Do you think the military held a funeral/event in memory of Steve after he was lost to the ice?

A day or two (or even a year) after the crash, she hasn’t been able to bring herself to do that.

Secondarily, as I said in that earlier blog, Peggy has to live and operate in a world without Steve IF ONLY TO BE SHOWN AS SUCCESSFUL ON HER OWN TERMS and not viewed merely as Captain America’s Girlfriend.

Having him show up ON TIME for their dance doesn’t allow her that. It also doesn’t see her co-found S.H.I.E.L.D. (for one example). Peggy would have remained Peggy unchanged, and Cap—well, Cap’s changed plenty. He doesn’t even dress the same. 

Just look at the confidence in this man’s face. This man has grown and changed since burying that plane in the ice.

If he wakes up in TFA the same year that film came out, that’s almost nine years ‘til Infinity War, and who knows how long ‘til the plot of Endgame picks up. All of WWII lasted six years. It doesn’t seem like Cap’s life since waking up has been any less of a crucible.

I absolutely understand the emotional desire fans have to see that dance and that date take place as though nothing has happened. I. Get. It. But from a story standpoint, it’s a bad idea that negates so much work and development that’s come before.

I deeply apologize for my story-based convictions on this matter.

SCENARIO #3: Parallel Peggy

Parallel universes make my brain hurt. Literally anything could happen in them. Except Steve getting time with actual Peggy.

Also, that would be something of a Whovian #10/Rose re-tread, wouldn’t it?

SCENARIO #4:

(Possibly one-way) Time Travel to Just the Sweet Spot Where Peggy Has Access to an Answer the Avengers Need

Peggy Carter’s life and work have meant a lot to the MCU (don’t get me started on the fact the franchise didn’t have Nick Fury, Coulson, Hill, and Tony Stark attend her funeral).

We know some of what she was involved in with SSR and S.H.I.E.L.D. (okay, well, likely she was involved with literally EVERYTHING). We know she had two children, a boy and girl, and a granddaughter (we don’t want to negate them, do we?[Aside: Could Steve and Peggy even have kids?]). 

Children on the right, on the left the photo is taken later (note clothing style), indicating a granddaughter.

We know she was married, though the powers that be have stopped short of ever naming her husband. 

Sorry, wrong wedding dress, wrong wedding, v.v. sad day about to happen.

Season Two of Agent Carter shows her embarking on a relationship with Daniel Sousa, 

All my love, Daniel!

but for all we know that proved a non-starter, and in a twist she wed Jack Thompson—or even Dum Dum—or some other guy we never met. We’re simply not told. No man appears in photos by her bedside in Winter Soldier, her husband is given no name in her official obit from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

In her 1953 interview we’re told that she’s married by that time, she speaks about her husband, a WWII vet. (The bedside picture with her two children shows her with a similar hairstyle to this interview)

What we’ve never been given is information about how long that married lasted. Divorce, death of a spouse? Entirely possible. If Cap’s being sent back (at least in part) to pitch woo to Peggy, I’m betting her husband will have passed on. (Truly sorry if it’s you, Daniel!)

I’m betting that in those files Cap was reviewing in The Winter Soldier, there may have been something among his research about what Peggy got up to after he was gone. 

In my memory, there’s like a whole box of this sort of thing sitting around Cap’s apartment.

And that among her work, or even among Howard’s Bad Babies, might well be technology or an item needed to help defeat Thanos or reverse the snap.

So, Cap shaves his beard (to be more recognizable to her), 

goes back not to 1940, but sometime after Peggy’s interview in 1953 

(recall the motion-capture dots on Hayley in that Instagram pic which may be used to age her, recall also the casting call for 1960s office girls). 

This gives us BOTH a Peggy who had moved on and done important work, AND a Cap who has grown and changed since being pulled from the ice.

In a scenario like this, what we are presented with (again) are Steve and Peggy as two EQUALS, the reward for each of whom, and their lifetime of service and sacrifice is each other. And a Cap returned to a world more in- line with his human life expectancy (and among which he might feel more comfortable—and in which some of his friends/the Howling Commandos might still live). Peggy would be in her 40s in the 1960s*. (Don’t even get me started on loving middle-aged awesome, reaching her sexual peak Peggy getting to be with constantly on-peak super-soldier Steve.)

I mean, check out Peggy in her late 60s: Here, hot, and still happening.

SCENARIO #4 doesn’t diminish a possible Steggy happy ending. In fact, it just deepens and burnishes it.

*Perhaps whatever takes place in the 60s also involves the long-unexplained tease of how Peggy as head and founder of S.H.I.E.L.D. remained (we assume) unaware that Hydra had long infiltrated her organization. #utterpipedreams

COMPLICATIONS:…now don’t get me started that if Cap-Now goes back, Cap-Then is still in the ice, destined to wake up, and that gets all kind of weird—sort of like Parallel Universes. 

Time Travel and the potential plurality of existence is treacherous and headache-y to contemplate.

QUESTIONS THAT PERSIST: IF Cap is able to go back in time, and there’s nothing in-story that can be gained by it other than his reunion with Peggy, doesn’t it make more sense that he’d choose to go back and reverse something terrible in history, such as prevent the US from dropping atomic bombs, saving countless (estimated around 250k) lives?

Or that he would go back and rescue Bucky from Armin Zola?

After all, he’s seen that Peggy’s life was happy. She died loved, safe, and respected as a (very) old woman in her bed. Ya can’t say that for ole Buck.

Truly, if the power of time travel is in your hands, and you choose to use it purely for selfish reasons, well, that’s about the most un-Cap thing I’ve ever heard of.

So, Gentle Readers, how do you think this thing is going to go down?

[pages-on-pages-blog]

10. Fyodor Dostoevsky. Crime and punishment

Hello guys!! I’m kiiiind of shaking in my chair right now. I’m beyond excited to sit down and write something in here. I got reaaally wound up in school work, and other things like that... You know, i won’t even try to excuse myself. I’m just hella lazy. But here I am, ready to write a dope review of a dope book, which my hands are just itching to rant about. I would also like to give a shout out to my dear friend, whose name i probably won’t say. She just randomly texted me to tell me how dope this blog is, and I got really inspired to keep it going, ya kno? So, here we go!!!! oh, and also, happy new year guys. I love you all to shreds!!

(warning - spoilers. obviously)  

So, i really don’t want to start spilling my opinion all over the place right at the start, so I’ll try to contain myself. Oh boy, is this going to be hard. However things may be, I believe we should start with a bit of plot to get this whole thing going.

If you are not familiar with Eastern European history or culture, you might be surprised by the authors name. Let me start off by saying, that Fyodor Dostoevsky is Russian. He is one of the most famous (if not the most) authors in Russian history. He is also an incredible philosopher, which is clearly visible in the book we’re reviewing today, but we’ll get to that a bit later on. I think by now it should be pretty obvious, that the action in the book is based in Russia. Our main character, Rodion Raskolnikov, is a completely broke university drop out. He seems.. Fairly normal for the first ~100 pages of the book. Just a dude, living his reaally sad life (completed with dark and dull descriptions of the town he’s living in, Peterborough), contemplating everything that comes up in his mind. If i were asked, I’d say he might even be depressed. But yeah. As the books title suggests, there’s a crime. and, please, for the love of god, if you’re even the slightest bit interested in reading the book, do NOT spoil this for yourself, just go read the damned book. You have my word that you will not regret it.

For those who stayed - Raskolnikov kills and elderly lady, which is like the owner of the house he lives in. This was not such a surprise for me, because, at the very start of the book, our protagonist goes up to the woman’s flat to pay his rent, and his whole thought process is written down. The way he analyses everything in her home, how she has a small box of jewelry, which, he thinks, probably contains a fortune. So, like... You know. Crime? Old, rich lady? poor student? It was not that hard to add the three together. When he actually does it (which he does quite brutally. Rodion used a frickin’ axe, and he killed not only the old lady, but also another young woman which would have caught him), he doesn’t even steal that much. He instantly starts to panic, grabs a couple of things and runs the hell out of there. From this spot forward, our main character goes more and more nuts with every single page. He is constantly living in tremendous fear, soul-wrenching panic and all that good stuff. He doesn’t even use the things he stole from the apartment to save himself from poverty - Rodion buries everything under a rock. Yeah, you read that right. A rock. The criminal’s anxiety drives him so mad, he gets physically sick even. So the other 400 pages of the book are mainly about the thought process of a murderer. Oh, not to mention the incredible jaw-dropping plot twists and a very unusual and refreshing love story. I’m not even considering spoiling the ending, because, dude, no. I couldn’t forgive myself if i ever ruined it to someone, because i genuinely want you guys to have the same experience as I did. I believe that’s that for the plot, let’s move over to my opinion (that sounds so frickin’ narcissistic. I’m so sorry lmao).

I’d like to start off by saying that I haven’t had a favourite book in ages. But, guess what? Druuuumroooooll pleaaaaaaase: this one is!!!! It is so good it hurts. I want this book to turn into a human, and I want that human to be my overly - philosophical yet tremendously intelligent best friend. First of all, Dostoevsky’s writing style.... oh boy. I don’t know why, it clinged to me like I cling to my bed on Monday mornings. When he starts a new topic or anything of that sort, he writes about a completely unrelated topic, and then somehow manages to relate it to the current events in the book, which he needs to write about?? what even is this this sorcery. Like, for example, he would start writing about, lets say, shoes, and boom, somehow he’s jumped over to how all people are bad or some shit like that. And you don’t even feel the damned transition. It’s just so smooth and masterful. I’m convinced he does this in the majority of his books, because right now I’m reading “Idiot”, and it’s the exact same in there as well (tell me if any of u guys want a review of that!! I’d be glad to write about the book once I finish it).

You can really tell this guy is a philosopher. I’m not joking when i say this, but there were a couple of spots in the book, which i read about five times, because they blew my mind. Never ever has this happened to me before, where I’m reading something and I get shivers. Like, actual shivers. The monologues about human nature, and why the protagonist actually doesn’t blame himself for the crime, were eye-opening. So amazing. 

Also, the plot twists??? They were mainly connected to other characters (which there were plenty of in the book, so beware of that), and yet so perfectly braided into the story, and when they hit you literally out of the blue, it’s just mind-boggling. 

This book, to me, is like staring at the world though the eyes of a murderer. When he explains his reasoning for the crime, you even start to feel empathy for him, which just shows how there is never one side to a story. This book seriously taught me how there is never only white or black, there is also gray. 

I believe many people are scared of the length. The version I read had ~550 pages, so it’s pretty much that, give or take a few pages. I was really intimidated by the length. I thought that this is one of the og classics, it will be tough, and maybe even boring, and the length really just escalates all those thoughts. I do have to say, the first ~100 pages were hard, man. You have to get used to Dostoevsky’s specific writing mannerisms, monologues that take up to 4 pages and the sometimes overwhelming amount of additional characters with really difficult names, if I do say so myself. BUT. It is so worth it once you push through. Really, take my word as is, I have read a lot of books. This one is definitely worth reading.

If I caught your attention even the slightest bit, please don’t hesitate. I can’t stress enough how amazing this literature masterpiece is.

10\10

I hope you enjoyed your stay in the introvert book club!