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ravenkinnie · 3 years

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TW: Drugs, substance abuse, murder, violence, the Punisher

Another potentially unpopular opinion I've seen on here (and one that I'll actually rant about) is that, Jason is the only good vigilante in the Batfam because he kills people (think the direct quote is "unlike those other feckless bitches" and something like "when you get saved by Red Hood, you know that you'll never have to worry about getting attacked by the same person again". I don't know how to explain to people that killing the type of criminals Jason killed in canon is wrong and harmful (thinking about the 80 Blackgate prisoners he poisoned - hmm you know the American prison system is pretty fucked up i'm sure they all totally belonged there /s). Like. Jason killing the Joker is one thing, but he literally hasn't killed the Joker - Dick did that, Bruce tried to, but Jason hasn't. But like some people make it out like oh, Jason being a killer is fine because he only kills people that deserve it - who, tell me who he's killing? Sex offenders and drug dealers seems to be the most common reply. And I won't touch the sex offenders but drug dealers? Have you heard of the War on Drugs? Have you seen what happens when people in power decide it's okay to openly promote the killing of drug dealers? I don't understand why people think it's fine for Jason Todd to go around killing drug dealers, as if they don't have families, don't have other things that put them in a bad situation. There's a reason why cops in the US (idk if they do this elsewhere) use the Punisher skull as their emblem - and if you advocate for a Jason Todd that punishes criminals, don't be surprised when the right wing weaponizes him against minorities and the red hood helmet starts to get painted on cop cars.

I wrote a paper on the Norwegian prison system which rehabilitates and releases even the "worst" of criminals and just... I live in the US and it seems like we (specifically white people) have such little compassion for anyone who commits crime. Even after the War on Drugs, even after we learned it was a scam, people fall for the crime and punishment rhetoric time after time. Like I live in a suburb where people are so scared of drug dealers my mom literally called our neighbor because someone cut through our yard (and she thought he looked high or something idk). Which I get it, my cousin died from a fentanyl overdose, I understand you don't want that near your kids. But incarcerating or killing drug dealers is not the answer, and I can't stand it when people take that stance on Jason. You can try to explain the 8 drug dealer heads in a duffle bag any way you want, but at the end of the day, I think the batfamily fandom needs to be more careful addressing this issue because demonizing drugs/drug dealers/drug users is literally one of the ways the American government destroys black communities.

And to think, the Jason Todd stan that this opinion came from replied to me because I commented on how Jason likes to run around in Dick's old clothes - something that has absolutely no bearing on his morals, other than he's thrifty which is a good thing actually, something like 85% of clothes ends up in landfills. Sorry for the rant, you asked for it. Sorry if anyone who sees this likes Jason Todd and is offended, you're not bad for liking him, he has an interesting story, just please don't advocate for murdering common criminals, specifically drug dealers.

AAAHHH NOO BUT IVE SEEN SOME OF MY MOOTS DISCUSS THIS BEFORE

sorry it's late and fucking hot I don't have the most comprehensive reply dbdnhd and I do acknowledge that at the end of the day this is fiction but opinions real people hold come from SOMEWHERE - and I think we have a very ingrained belief that crime/bad deed has to be punished and that there are good and evil people and good people only do bad things when influenced by evil people which is exactly the core of jason's belief - and that's interesting for a batfam character, a former robin!! I like when him and bruce are contrasted based on ethics but I don't like when it's meant to show that jason is right and bruce is wrong

batman is an extremely popular and fascinating character because at his core lies the idea that systems that are in place to 'protect' people are corrupt and it's down to individuals who can do something to go against them and look out for others - that's something that will resonate with people even if irl solution can't be to dress up as a bat and beat tf outta people shdhhshs

I have two points to make here:

a) I'm straight up a fucking anarchist who lives in the woods, thinks aliens are listening, and doesn't trust the government but I don't believe systems are corrupt, I believe they operate the way they are meant to operate to punish and control the populations that the system needs to be controlled to keep up the status quo - war on drugs is such a good example for that. drug dealer also exists as this boogeyman, this idea of an evil person waiting to corrupt and destroy the good people but the fact is: people don't get addicted to drugs bc drug dealers exist, people get addicted to drugs because something, not someone, compels them to do drugs, because something (literal us gov) introduced drugs to their communities and drug dealers are just tiny pawns in that game. additionally, many dealers are addicts themselves who got roped into selling to pay for their own use or who got pushed into the margins of society so much that drug trade is the only way to survive they can find

there are like, whole papers and books and thesis done on this so I'm not gonna act like I can analyse it in a tumblr post dhshsjsj but yeah people who think jason is right usually show this weird superiority of 'oh batman doesnt get how to fix gotham like jason does' and like... no, jason gets played like a fiddle by the system the way people he kills do, and whatever he does will always just hit the other pawns and never reach those actually at the top, those who are profitting from finding scapegoats

and like, batman comics don't have to address that bc it's comics, you can write small lmao but don't argue that jason is somehow more enlightened than bruce for killing

b) this brings a question of, if we decide that there has to be punishment for every crime, who gets to decide what punishment is right for what crime? cause there's not a single person who's infallible enough to dictate what the best approach is in every situation

and batman works best as a traumatised man who's loves his city sm he tries to work however he can to protect people from corrupt systems and offer them second chances wherever he can bc that's who batman is at his core - batman is not a punisher he is a protector and he should never be pushed into a role of the punisher bc he's not edgy enough

also bitches are so hard acting like they would kill every villain cause rip to batman but I'm different, y'all are too scared to tell the waitress your order is wrong shut the fuck up lmao the closest any of y'all have been to being batman is getting your ass beat behind the club on a saturday by brenda in her boohoo jumpsuit

#asks #drugs tw #long post

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amenablefool · 2 years

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have you ever considered that antagonizing, mocking, and stalking a paranoid schizphrenic (?)/ orherwise mentally ill person who has been receiving medical help to better themselves and address their problems, and who has been avoiding you or avoiding causing problems with anyone at any cost, actually makes you the abuser? I'm trying to understand the optics here. And fwiw there are quite a few mweorians who live in TN now, one of my friends lives in Chatt. I just dont think these are the gotcha moments you seem to think they are, and in fact they reflect quite badly on you.

You aint slick so jot that down, firstly. i see right through you. but im gonna pretend to be ignorant for my own sake.

secondly, i have been doing my absolute best to pretend like this user doesnt fucking exist but she keeps showing up everywhere i look. shes fucking mweor "staff" its not like i can avoid her even if shes blocked. especially if shes responding to everyone like shes the new queen. im not going to let anyone get hurt by her again. shes fucked up far too many people for me to keep quiet about this any longer. idk how im antagonizing her when i havent been in direct contact for who knows how long, because i hate her, if you didnt already notice. using a tracker to keep myself safe is the least i could do. especially when the user has a history of stalking me and a few others :)c

thirdly, the problems shes caused in the past havent just gone away, like shed probably have anyone believe. just because she deleted her stupid tumblr blog doesnt mean its gone lmao. if you think that im the abuser after everything shes done to me, my friends, and people ive never even met that have felt her wrath over the years, then you must be dumber than you look. wanting someone with a track record like hers to maybe perhaps not be given any sort of authority isnt a lot to ask, id say. but maybe youre just as brainwashed as i was. feel better soon <3

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telaraneas · 3 years

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I’m sending you an analysis ask!! My ask is… Dave! What I always wonder about dave is how he became such a fan favorite among the young fanbase all those years ago. I feel like my original reading of Dave has been heavily influenced by the fandom activity surrounding him at the time (he was the 2012 hs fandom’s #1 sadboy). As a relative latecomer to the fandom, what were your reactions to Dave? And how do you feel today’s fans view him?

OH BOY DAVE!!!

yeah i remember he was a big fan favorite, because this was one of the things you knew if you just EXISTED in tumblr around 2012, even if you knew nothing about homestuck you jsut saw a billion fanarts of that one kid with the sunglasses. but really, "relatively latecomer" relative nothing, i am a brand new baby fan latest of latecomers and i will happily give you my Dave Experience

i can't speak for how other modern fans view him, but for me personally, honestly i have to say i think i really didn't Get Him until late act6; which isn't to say he wasn't an interesting character before then, but that almost everything interesting about him went over my head on the first read.

i think my issue was partly that i was taking his facade mostly at face value and that i didn't really get WHERE his angst was coming from in the ocassions it popped up. like.. it's not that i bought into the idea that he's this cool ironic guy who doesnt afraid of anything, but i guess mostly his typing style and sense of humor were a bit too true-to-life for what the kind of person who thinks "ironic enjoyment of shitty things, too cool to actually care about anything, troll the shit out of anyone who engages with you honestly" is peak comedy actually speaks like, which made him kind of an unpleasant presence to me at the beginning; knowing he was definitely using that irony to cover up something didn't really help, because that's just universally true of basically everyone who's Like That, and that doesnt make them any less insufferable

the thing about dave strider is that he actually keeps up the disaffected cool kid act for a looooong time, and with so much going on and so many characters and stories to think about, i never spared him as much thought as i could have... until act6 happened, and dave was revealed to be a massive dork, and that SERIOUSLY changed my understanding of him as a character. like it's really hilarious how much his early arc persona totally falls apart when you take away the comfort of text-based communication. the addition of body language and the loss of the fractions of a second to formulate answers REALLY change his dialogue and how he reads as a character in ways that are subtle but were kind of shocking to me when i was reading it

like, for example i never had the patience for his long random tangents in chatlogs because i got the feeling he was doing them because he was just that sure that whatever he was on was THAT witty and funny, or alternatively, NOT that witty or funny, which is why he went on those tangents to be ~ironic~ or whatever, and tbh i have adhd and not enough patience to sit and read his diatribes

eeexcept, late comic dave recontextualizes the HELL out of this by revealing that no, HE KINDA REALLY DOES JUST GO ON TANGENTS FOR NO REASON 100% GENUINELY AND ITS NOT A CALCULATED PSEUDO-IRONIC THING AT ALL which makes his lenghty rambling read VERY differently

that sort of stuff. like, i was fully prepared for the irony to be a cover for someone who does genuinely care about things- but i was NOT prepared for the CONCEPT OF IRONY ITSELF to be basically the only thing about his demeanor that wasn't mostly genuine, whether dave himself realized it or not. dave has been a riot on rereads, hes like a totally different character with hindsight

on the topic of Dave Angst in specific, i have to admit- the whole thing is actually VERY subdued before late act6 unless you're actually looking for it and paying attention to dave as a character; and while i imagine this was a given for many readers at the time, who already liked him as a character and were reading and thinking about each update as it came out, to me as someone blitzing through the comic at a stage where things were starting to get complex, i COMPLETELY missed major moments that inform his problems, philosophy, worldview, fears, and general arc

because of this, a lot of the major moments where dave is actually OBVIOUSLY distressed or upset, left me mostly asking "hold on, what??? where did this come from, what is this about?????". to be fair, even back then i was pretty sure that there WAS something there that must have been set up earlier and i just missed it, but it was still kind of a confusing read. some specific examples: dave getting upset at terezi after the coinflip godtier timeline splitting debacle, his whole disjointed speech about the reluctant hero thing in the first meenah walkaround, his entire conversation with grimbark jade where he just states he's not time traveling again. those moments totally blindsided me on my first read

another moment that completely blindsided me, but which i actually Got on the first read regardless, was the long-awaited striderchat. i did not AT ALL expect the direction that went, but it did a fantastic job at recontextualizing what i had initially just accepted without question as a comically exaggerated videogamey home situation (not that much of a stretch when the final member of the party was raised by a dog in the middle of nowhere), into a traumatic enviroment that informs a lot of WHY dave is the way he is and why he used to think and approach the world the way that he did

other than that, theres a lot of Dave Angst i am still only just untangling on the reread because his anxieties sometimes stem from really esoteric ideas that i couldn't wrap my head around when i was busy trying to keep track of the billion plot threads of act5 which i was reading as fast as possible lol. but like, just earlier today i had the realization that dave's fear of death manifests MUCH more strongly in fear over being responsible over alt versions of him dying, than it does when his actual life is being directly threathened. dave would be susceptible to dumb thought experiments along the line of pascal's mugging, is what i'm saying, much more so than he would be to getting actually mugged.

tldr dave is an interesting character and i like him very much now, but boy did i not Get Him until recently

#sushi original #long post am sorry #do i put this in tags or nah. meh i wont

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sluttyprincessinarizona · 4 years

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Taishiro Toyomitsu (FatGum) x shy! reader (fluffies!)

This is my first, o f f i c i a l tumblr fanfic, so woo! I ' m f c k i n g t e r r i f i e d -anyway, this is a FatGum x reader, because Tai is the cutest thing and I don't see enough of him. I'll be doing some of my personal favorites from the anime, ranging from popular to underrated characters, so I hope anyone who comes across this weird mess enjoys it! Leave a comment, or like, or smth, because I think this will be really cool, and i wanna be like those other awesome fanfic writers one day- anyways, byeee!

Word count: Idk dude, I'm on mobile-(it's a lot tho, trust me-)

Warnings: Mild cursing, also make sure to brush your teeth afterwards, cause this will give you a toothache from the sweetness-

A box. Wait, what? Where did it come from? Who put it there? Is this a prank? It smells like…Takoyaki?!? Fatgum rushed to his desk, opening the pastel purple box sat neatly on his desk. ¨Yes! Morning snack!¨ He cheered whilst fist pumping the air. Fatgum reached to take a piece of the octopus goodness, but hesitated, for just a moment. His smile faltered, and he took a second to evaluate, his hero instincts shining through. Poison? Intruder? Stalker? However, the mouth-watering smell of his newly-acquired treat pulled him sultrily out of his cautiousness, and Fatgum gave in to the temptation, devouring the takoyaki in mere seconds. He made sure to be careful with the box though. ¨Ill ask Kirishima or Amajiki if they gave me this. Those kids are just the greatest!¨ He bounded out of his office in a rush to excitedly badger at his two son- interns, but he soon found that neither knew what he was talking about. They had just barely entered the agency for the first time since yesterday, so they had no part in this adorable gift Fat had received. Fatgum was slightly put off, but resolved that he would ask everyone at his agency personally, determined to find and thank the angel who gave him this thoughtful present.

Its been about a month since then. After a week of daily takoyaki, Fatgum was wondering if he´d be destined to live a life of having takoyaki for breakfast when he opened his office door and froze. Fatgum had expected to see that same lavender(he checked) shaded box of goodness, but he was greeted with a rolled up bag sitting on top of a box, but it was a different shade of purple. His seemingly permanent smile grew tenfold and he giddily bounced over to his desk to investigate the new items he had been gifted. He opened the bag first, and took out a cup. Coffee. He was stunned. Not by the fact that his ´secret admirer´ had brought him coffee, nor was it the fact that they could have gotten it wrong. No, he was floored by the logo on the coffee cup. It was the logo of the small cat cafe down the street. Fatgum asks Kirishima and Amajiki to visit there almost everyday, though he insists its just for the coffee. Fatgum went there once to get himself a coffee his two children were busy, and he hasn´t gone back since. Not because the establishment was bad, no it adorable. The pastel color scheme, the friendly felines who endlessly entertained him, even the mere scent of the cafe brings a smile to his face, but for one reason, and one reason only.

You.

You, the one who owned, managed, and staffed the humble cafe all on your own. Fatgum could barely manage to keep professional, for he had no idea where he was supposed to direct his eyes. Your precious attitude, the excitable gleam in your eyes, your contagiously cute giggle, and your blush, oh the blush! Fatgum had told you a joke to ease his own nerves, but the waver in his tone and ok-at-best comedy skills only proved to make him even more anxious. That was, until he heard you laugh. You didn´t just laugh, no, because he had just found your weakness. Simple, honest, puns. You attempted to cover your mouth so you could save your dignity, but resistance was futile when you were hit with such a bad joke from such a cute man. You doubled over in pure, jovial, laughter, and at that moment, you thanked every Greek god that has ever lived that you two were the only ones occupying the shop at that moment. Well, besides all the spectating kittens. You were so caught up in that stupidly funny pun, you failed to notice that you were the only one laughing.

Fatgum was speechless. Normally, hes the one laughing at his own jokes, but here you were, laughing. Not only that, but your laugh was heavenly. It was music to his ears, and he could hardly stomach the rush of feelings that had hit him. Embarrassment, anxiety, calm, joy, happiness, lo-…

Love? Did he love you?

He wanted to say no immediately, there was no way. But his rushing mind stopped once he heard you snort. You covered your mouth, hoping he hadn´t heard such an embarrassing sound come from you, but it only made you laugh harder, and soon you were snorting with every other breath. He couldn´t breathe. You snort when you laugh too hard??? His head was spinning with every wave of feeling that enveloped him. He felt like he was floating. He was on cloud nine simply from the fact that he could reduce you to giggles and snorts like this. He was so overwhelmed, yet relieved by your reaction. You had bashfully admitted to him that you had trouble opening up to others, and you had found it remarkable how easily he had broken down your walls as if they were nothing more than a breeze. He wondered if this meant he ad a chance. Talking with you was effortless, and brought him a level of joy he had never experienced. It made him wonder what else you two would get up to. His mind flashed with endless scenarios, you appearing in every single one. You on a date, shy smiles and ´accidentally´ bumping into each other every two seconds. You at his house, leaning into his chest as you stuff your faces with popcorn, hypnotized by a movie. You underneath him, your small frame dwarfed by his larger one, breathless and writhing. You in his office, sitting on his lap and snuggling him as he finishes up some paperwork.

He wanted you, with every thing he had. He wanted to have you, have fun with you, do things with you, go places with you. He wanted you childishly, so you two could bounce around the world together with reckless abandon. He wanted you selfishly, to pull you close where everyone could see, so no one would mistake that you were his. He wanted you devilishly, giving you endless kisses and lovebites, just to see you squirm and blush. He wanted you innocently, to sing karaoke at the top of his lungs with you, and do scavenger hunts for your anniversaries. He wanted you longingly, knowing that he could power through the villains, the mountains of paperwork, all of lifes bullshit, just so he could be greeted by your smile, the smile of a tried-and-true angel.

After that day, Fatgum never went back to your store. He knew that if he saw you again, with that illegally cute maid outfit and those entrancing eyes, he would be compelled to get down on one knee and ask for your hand in marriage, which is a level of mortification hes not ready for. The day after his return, he was so stunned by the mark your presence left on his very being that he began to notice that almost everything reminded him of you. The fluffiness of the clouds brought to his mind the cute way the frill on your outfit bounced in excitement. The soft shades of blues and purples at nighttime reminded him of the perfect lighting of your cafe as he passed it late at night. Hell, his assistants cat reminded him of you, and he noted every one of these things for his own sake, but he never realized just how loud he gets when hes in his own head. His muttering got louder and more distracting, to the point that he would daydream at every possible moment, dreamily sighing your name like a mantra. Taishiro Toyomistu, an established pro-hero, a fully functioning adult, had been reverted back to a love-sick teenage boy. It was almost pathetic, yet he made up for by how excited even the mention of you made him. It piqued his interns interests, and they decided to take matters into their own hands.

Amajiki was currently rethinking his entire life. His decisions, his friendships, his entire existence was being heavily reevaluated. How did he let Kirishima talk him into this? His underclassman who he thought was just beginning to understand what boundaries are, had somehow, by some absolutely-mystical-means, convinced him to hide in his mentors cabinet to watch for some mystery person leaving snacks for him. He couldve been training, he couldve been eating, hell, he couldve even been talking with Mirio and Nejire, but no. Here he was, cramped between a shelf and crates of paperwork, staking out someone who he doesnt know, and hoping that he wont have to wait for too long stuck in this position. He was about to adjust himself to leave the cabinet and forget this whole plan, when the office door creaked open, the annoyingly loud squeeeak making the person wince as they continued to open it. Amajiki froze, barely containing his squeak of fear as he watched in awe as the door opened but...n-no one was there???

Amajiki blinked, wondering if was just a stray breeze, or some ghostly apparition, which brought tears of terror to his precious eyes from the mere thought. He blinked his tears away hastily, and looked back to reassure himself that no one was there, and even if they were, they were probably friendly. Or, at the very least, he could overpower anyone with relative ease, but he choked on his own reassurance. One second, there was no one, the next, there was you. You, the girl from the cafe, had just appeared out of thin air! You were the one leaving the snacks for Fatgum! Amajiki gawked as you set down the periwinkle box of cupcakes, along with the bag that contained his mentors coffee, brewed to perfection and made with so much love that he could feel it from his hiding spot. He stayed as still as possible, silently spectating as you arranged the snacks neatly while humming a sweet tune, as if you were in the comfort of your own home. You decided that you had adjusted the box by .1% enough times, and you smiled warmly at the box, before jumping at the sound of Fatgum's voice, laughing joyously at something while steadily getting closer to the office you both were in. You panicked and ran behind the door, closing it fully before he got too close, so as not to seem suspicious. Amajiki had blinked only once, and then you were gone again, and Fatgum had opened the door, bringing the operation to a screeching halt. When Amajiki reported back to Kirishima, he realayed back what he had witnessed to an excitable Kirishima, who jumped for joy when he heard that it was you.

¨I knew it!¨ Kirishima exclaimed, pumping his fist in the air. He had guessed beforehand that you were the one leaving such a heart-warming gift for his mentor, and now his next meal was paid for, which he was very happy about.

Fatgum was accompanying Kirishima and Amajiki to his favorite restaurant after a surprisingly peaceful patrol, and they knew they had to tell him then, when they had a peaceful moment to relax. So, they told him.

¨Hey Fat, I just wanted to let you know that…¨ Kirishima started, looking over at Fatgum from his menu, but his sentence was soon forgotten. He, and Amajiki, were staring incredulously at Fatgum, who was currently trying to disappear into his jacket. ¨F-fatgum?¨ Amajiki asked shakily. ¨Whats w-wrong? A-a-are there villains here?!¨ He looked around in alarm, but there were no immediate threats in sight. What had shaken their fearless mentor up so severely? Fatgum simply shook his head, and laid his forehead down on the cool table in hopes of soothing his burning face. Kirishima and Amajiki looked at Fatgum, then to each other in confusion. They both shrugged and went to comfort him when they heard a giggle that caught their attention. Normally that wouldn’t matter at a time like this, but that giggle triggered something in Fatgum and the most obvious shiver went down his spine at the sound. Amajiki, who was across the booth from Fat and Kirishima peered from around his seat to see who it was and gasped. He looked back at Fatgum, then mouthed to Kirishima ¨Its the girl from the cafe!¨ Kirishima gaped, standing up to get a better look. Sure enough, there you were, chatting with a friend who worked the reception booth at the establishment. You were there for your weekly shipment of leftover supplies from the restaurant that you could use for your sweets, but Fatgum didnt know that. All Fatgum could think of is how embarrassing it would be if you saw him cowering like a child in your mere presence. But even then, he couldnt get over how absolutely stunning you looked in casual clothes. He was thoroughly surprised at the fact that you werent already up and married when he met you, because you were simultaneously everything he wanted and needed, and not at all what he was expecting. You were funny, smart, and cute, but he knew there were worlds of things hiding behind your bright eyes. You were perfect. You were everything. You were-

Poke

¨T-Toyom-m-mistu? Ar-are you ok? You seem a b-bit sick or som-something?¨

You were right next to him, poking his arm. You were blushing almost as fiercely as him, for multiple reasons. 1. you were right next to someone who instantly caught your heart in his excessively large hands as soon as you met him, and you were poking him. 2. His two interns were staring you down so intensely that you began to wonder if you ever should have walked over in the first place. and 3. is he sick or not?!? You just wanted to make sure hes ok, and maybe kinda possibly ask him why he hasnt visited the shop in a while. But it doesnt seem like thats gonna happen. You kept your voice down because you knew that if a commotion happened that you would actually be sick from fright, but you couldnt help the worry that bubbled in your gut at the sight of him.

On the other hand, Fatgum was just about ready to fucking combust. He wanted to look up, he wanted to see your soft, caring features and the look of concern that was undoubtedly on your face, but he knew impulse would overtake him. He barely managed to keep from making a fool of himself in front of you and everyone who knew him, and he felt backed into a corner. His mind was racing, and he couldnt even feel his heart beating anymore. His breath was getting heavy, but he barely noticed it. He was driving himself mad, slowly devolving into a panic that he didnt know was enveloping him, nor did he know how to get out of it. All he could think of was you, how disgusted you would be by him if he proposed to you, how you would walk away from him if he said the wrong thing. He wanted you, but he cant have you, and he doesn't know what to-

¨Taishiro!¨ you exclaimed, no longer worried about making a scene. You wrenched his head up from the table and pressed his forehead against yours. He stared wordlessly at you, his thoughts going silent for just a moment, and that was all you needed. ¨Taishiro, look at me, ok? You're ok. I've got you.¨ You spoke softly to him, phrases that you're soothing voice spoke to him. Things he could only imagine from his wildest dreams. His breathing slowed as he slowly came back to his senses, forgetting all about his panic in favor of taking in you. He made no effort to move, because he was completely content on being this close to you forever. He was astonished by you, how you could calm his mind and steal his heart all at once, but the thing he couldnt draw away from was your eyes. They held no pity, however in it's place was the light of experience. You held him not because you pitied him, but because you knew his fear, and wanted to take it away, if only for a moment. He couldnt help but tear up at the genuineness in your gaze, the gaze that you never broke, not even for a second. You had grabbed his arm as he sunk, pulling him back up, and encouraging him to let you help him. You knew what it felt like to be stuck with no one to help, so you told him to relax, let himself be helped just this once, all without any words. All you needed was to look into his eyes and he could understand everything you tried so desperately to convey to him for months. You lost control of your filter as you soothed him, letting slip how much you missed him and his goofy smile, and how undeniably happy he made you. You brought him onto his feet and carried him up, and as you unknowingly whispered "That was when I knew that I loved you", he could see the bright glowing light that enveloped you. You really were an angel. He could see your halo, your soft wings, but overall he saw your heavenly smile, one that begged him to respond, as you were losing confidence at an alarming rate. At that moment, he broke into the brightest, cutest, and dorkiest grin you had ever witnessed, and it melted your heart all over again. He leaped up in a flash, and before you knew it, he had you bridalstyle in his arms with dizzying speed. You squealed in fear, but relaxed as you saw him gaze down at you lovingly. You smiled back shyly, and buried your face in his chest when you could hear the restaurant goers cheering at the display, He carried you out of the restaurant in a valiant display, and his remark as you both exited made the cheers of the onlookers sound deafening, and it drove your blush all the way down to your ears in shock.

¨Hey sweetcheeks, we should get married!¨

~End~

I hope you enjoyed it! It took me about three days to finish, cause online school, but this was awesome. I legitimately love this one, and this probably the only one I've finished and was satisfied with. If you like it, pls let me know cause I already adore this, and I wanna share with the world, no matter how scary it might be. Anyways, this has gotten long, so I'm gonna bounce. Gotta start the next one. Bye-bye!💜

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha fluff #fatgum x reader #fatgum #taishiro toyomitsu #taishiro x reader #bnha taishiro #mha taishiro #fluff #pls dont hurt my feelings #pls love me #pls interact

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stayarmytinyzenmoa-l · 4 years

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Important Asks/Interesting Theories

Beware, this post is filled with spoilers for Zemblanity! Read after you’ve finished the main series, as it’s constructed so that everything makes sense in the end. But if you’re still curious or confused, here’s the guide you need!

Be sure to look at the date of when any of the asks were posted before you send me a new one saying ‘but this isn’t possible because [insert reasoning here]’ especially for the theories. I tried to put a ‘Prior to’ section for all of them but yeahhhhh just check the dates.

So these were originally individual asks on my blog but I got rather lazy to reblog and tag everything (and I’m kind of afraid of hitting the post limit again), so I’ll just type them out here.

Table of Contents so You Don’t Have to Keep Scrolling:

Asks About Zemblanity in Case You Are Confused

Confused about the timelines?

So if TL8 Ten and TL9 Ten merged that means they have the same memories and behaviors? That’s why he remembered to save (Y/N)?

Does jumping from timeline to timeline affect Sector V? For all timelines is there only one Sector V?

So why are (Y/N)’s dreams a thing?

Can you explain the whole TL8 Ten getting sent back to TL9 and everything that resulted?

So why does Kunhang want to drown the system?

So is Yangyang actually in love with (Y/N) or is it just infatuation?

[Not an Ask] Regarding the Dream Sequences in Zemblanity

Interesting Theories About Zemblanity

{Prior to TWN4} Mark Lee is the True Culprit (Personal Favorite of Mine)

{Prior to TIR0} Maybe Yangyang is the best friend in Ch. 4’s dreams…

{Prior to TIR1} Maybe Xiaojun is the best friend in Ch. 4’s dreams…

{Prior to TIR2} Maybe (Y/N) and Ten coming up to the moon in 2004 was a lie?

{Prior to TIR4} Maybe (Y/N)’s dreams aren’t hers and she’s living through someone else’s memories?

{Prior to TIR4} Hendery might have gotten into an accident that involved severe burns…

{Prior to TIR5} Xuxi’s definitely the man in Chapter 2’s dream sequences

{Prior to Chapter 5} Xiaojun knows everything

{Prior to Chapter 5} Xiaojun is the man in the Newton’s Cradle dream

{Prior to TWN5} Hendery definitely has D.I.D.

{Prior to Chapter 6} The Dream Guy in Chapter 5 is Hendery

{Prior to Chapter 6} The Multiple Timeline Theory (Note that many people contributed to these so they may not be consistent)

{Prior to Chapter 7 and TWN6} The Matrix Theory

{Prior to Chapter 7’s Release} Maybe Xiaojun’s the Inmate in TIR6

{Prior to Chapter 8’s Release} The inmate from 2022 (mentioned in TIR6 and TIR8) is Ten

Special Questions

So, what happened to the 2004 Flight Records?

Who was the eighth inmate who killed himself?

Asks About Zemblanity in case you are confused

Confused about the timelines?

Q: Hi, i hope you get this question because it's the first time I'm asking something on Tumblr (I've been here for like a month or so 😅). And I hope I don't annoy with this question or maybe someone asked this already but what about the TL6? Chapter 8 honestly got me so confused that I locked up who belongs to which Timeline and I think we got like 9? TL1-5 is Kun, Xuxi, Xiaojun, Sicheng, Hendery. TL7 is Yangyang and TL8&9 is Ten because they got merged??

A: Hi there!! Welcome to tumblr! I’m honored to be your first ask, love ❤️ Also, fear not, asks never annoy me, I’m actually quite fond of them, because if one person is a bit confused, chances are others are too. Plus, I love to hear from my readers! No one has asked yet, so I don’t mind answering your question! To break it down, the timelines are as follows:

TL1 - Kun TL2 - Xuxi TL3 - Xiaojun TL4 - Sicheng TL5 - Guanheng (Hendery/Kunhang) TL6 - Ten (inmate Ten from TL8) TL7 - Yangyang TL8 - The events prior to Zemblanity, Sector V is established, all 7 members of WayV are inmates. Ten has memories from both TL6 and TL8 TL9 - Main Zemblanity timeline. TL8 Ten is sent back in time within the Warden’s lifespan and merges with TL9 Ten as a result, he loses his memories and starts life again from the age 8 and retains memories from TL9 Ten up to that point.

So technically Ten has been through three timelines (6, 8, 9) Good for him.

So if TL8 Ten and TL9 Ten merged that means they have the same memories and behaviors? That’s why he remembered to save (Y/N)?

Q: question questiooon hehe did tl8 ten and tl9 ten merged?? Like their memories and behavior?? Thats why he remembered to save (y/n) and yet has a different behavior?

A: Yeah basically.

When the Warden sent Ten back during his (the Warden’s) lifetime, Ten ended up replacing TL9’s Ten, or merging, as you called it. Luckily due to Ten’s lack of memories of TL8 it wasn’t a horrible merge, and it allowed him to grow up completely differently than he did in TL8. I’d say that he just wanted to save (Y/N) cuz bestie things, but maybe there was a hidden subconscious feeling of “I must protect this girl with my life”

I could be wrong, but I think I once mentioned how (Y/N) felt that Ten was rather overprotective of her.

Does jumping from timeline to timeline affect Sector V? For all timelines is there only one Sector V?

Q: another question hehe so jumping from timeline to timeline and changing things doesnt affect sector v?? Like for all timelines there is only 1 sector v?? As in it merges all timelines??

A: [I kind of worded this one weirdly in the original post, so let me rewrite it a little]

How I wrote it in my outline, verbatim, is “Due to Sector V being a locating where neither time nor reality follow their set laws, it remains independent of the other timelines, this allows people of other timelines to be able to walk amongst each other without dire consequence. Although it may sometimes pick up on rifts within the timelines closest to it.”

Amendment: So basically it is entirely possible for another to exist, as long as their timelines aren’t right next to each other (as in there aren’t too many major events, or even small choices that overlap or are similar within both timelines).

Amendment: But when someone, in this case Ten, who is closely linked to the Sector is purposely messing with people who are associated with it (since he was jumping into timelines the inmates were in), this causes the rifts in the Sector.

So why are (Y/N)’s dreams a thing?

Q: OH. so the dreams y/n got while inside the sector were caused by ten jumping thru the timelines??? i guess that would explain why the very last ones she had were of ten in that dark ass room..... but now i cant stop thinking abt how yangyang keeps trying to kill xiaojun because he probably did kill his timeline's xiaojun and now i wanna know yy's story

A: I originally answered this one prior to the story being finished, so allow me to amend this one too.

Yup yup! Our boy royally FUCKED up the timelines.

Amendment: I based this off of the old saying that Dreams are windows to other versions of ourselves, past, present, future, other dimensions, etc. Basically, Ten was trying to merge the timelines enough to get into one of these dreams to communicate with (Y/N), but by the time he succeeded he ended up ripping the fabric of time enough so that (Y/N) was able to talk to the other inmates long before she even got trapped in the Sector.

Also, since this ask spoke about the dreams, the dreams are direct reflections of that inmate’s state of mind. Do with that what you will.

Can you explain the whole TL8 Ten getting sent back to TL9 and everything that resulted?

Q: my brain hurts 🤠 so serial killer ten was sent back in time (and to another timeline?) and had his memories erased... and then he jumped thru timelines to get back to a time before y/n died.... so he can help y/n get out..... 🤠 i'll just go listen to domino on repeat call me when yall are done killing poor y/n HSNSJSJ

A: Time is such a kunfusing kuncept (😀) but that’s pretty much it yeah. If you want the full thing…

So Ten was sent back in time, however in order to keep some events of the timeline (in this case the Sector, the Station, etc.) the Warden sent him back to a time during his lifetime and due to some timey wimey bull shit this not only caused Ten to lose his memories but also caused him to become significantly younger. Hence why he and (Y/N) have memories of them being younger, because they actually did grow up together.

Later in the story, Ten did travel to six different timelines, all in order to establish that side effect connection that results from fucking with the timelines to get in contact with (Y/N), all of which were both unsuccessful and resulted in (Y/N) being linked to the inmates instead (hence the dreams). The original plan was for him to establish a stable connection with (Y/N) since the server in the Sector is blocked and nearly impossible to get into from the outside and tell her how to get out from there, but we all saw how that ended up 🙃

So why does Kunhang want to drown the system?

Q: “So it’s safe to say that it is this alter who I see trying to drown the body.” IM SCREAMING- WHO IS TRYING TO DO W H A T?! OOOH. WOW. I-

A: The definition of a persecutor, to put it in simple terms, is a “misguided protector.” They typically hold the more traumatic memories of the body that the other alters or the host don’t. Often times the persecutors see it as it’s them against the system (in this case Kunhang against the other alters), and they see things as “oh, the abuser can’t do this to me if I do it myself” then it gets worse from there. Often times they punish the body (and by extension the other alters) by making them relive the trauma. (Note that it’s very rare for Persecutors to take their anger out on other people, it happens, but it’s rare, often times the rage is turned against the system)

So knowing that it’s Kunhang who forces the body to drown…. do with that what you may.

Amendment: In greater context of the story it’s explained in his ending that he was kidnapped and held for ransom by the rivaling kingdom and upon his return it was discovered that he developed DID while in captivity.

Of course through therapy they can be taught that what they’re doing is wrong, which is what we see through Kunhang present day. But yeahhhhhhh

Poor Guanheng :(

So is Yangyang actually in love with (Y/N) or is it just infatuation?

Q: So is Yangyang actually in love with her or is it just infatuation? Ik you said you've changed it a lot but still,,, also the way the only named connections towards Yangyang are "avoid at all costs", "weirded out", and "doesn't want to die" is both scary and amusing

A: When I first drafted Zemblanity (yes there is a first draft that you guys will likely never see) it was pure, unabashed infatuation. In the first draft I actually planned for each inmate to have a certain type of complex (god complex, father complex, etc.) but I figured the topic was both too information loaded and delicate to write about accurately in a fanfiction (I’m already juggling enough with the mental disorders, I’m planning to minor in psychology so I’ve taken a few of the classes before, so I luckily have notes from there I can turn to, all I need is some brushing up) Yangyang’s complex involved him seeking the need for stability, so at the time it was indeed just pure infatuation with no feelings of actual love.

Now it’s a bit different, I can’t give you the full answer for obvious reasons, but I will say he does feel genuine love for (Y/N), and so do the rest of the inmates, there are a few things attached to that genuine love though, but then again who doesn’t have some strings attached. The only thing that separates love from infatuation are those extra things hanging on to the feelings, after all.

Amendment: So now that the series is over, I can explain in full detail. Basically it’s some form of guilt that Yangyang felt, which is explained in his ending. And it was also the need to get closure for how she died, a mix of both. His mental state has already been in disarray, so when (Y/N) showed up at the Sector I think it’s safe to say it wholly broke. And it became something of “I knew she was still alive.”

Also yeah that’s what happens when you’re tipsy and story boarding at the same time, you come up with interesting character relationships lol 😂

[Not an Ask] Regarding the Dream Sequences in Zemblanity

One would do well to distinguish which dream sequences happen real time and which ones happened in the past. In this case I’ll spell it out easy peasy, each dream sequence that is happening real time is linked by one deciding factor: Ten. Often times he’s in the background and is described as trying to tell (Y/N) something important, but she can’t understand him.

Otherwise, the dream sequence happened in the past with exception of Kun’s dream sequences in Chapter 1, which happened real time.

Interesting Theories About Zemblanity

{Prior to TWN4} Mark Lee is the True Culprit (Personal Favorite of Mine)

Theory: Okay so like I know we're all tossing out Zemblanity theories but like consider this: Who was the one who was in charge of all the years? Who else do we know has access to a computer? Who else is associated to (Y/N). That's right. Mark Lee.

Response: THE WAY I CACKLED WHEN I READ THIS

That’s it. Anon figured it out. I gotta rewrite all of Zemblanity now

I’m joking of course but this is TOO FUCKING FUNNY I 😂😂 YOU GUYS ARE SO CREATUVE

Was it Correct? As expected, no.

{Prior to TIR0} Maybe Yangyang is the best friend in Ch. 4’s dreams…

T: Lmaoo my theory is that YangYang was the best friend and whoever he murdered was the boyfriend of y/n. Hes severely mentally unstable so thats possibly why he is projecting the image of that person onto Xiaojun and why he hates him so much. Thats why he knows so much about y/n and why he had her locket.... he was also quite abusive to y/n. Maybe she had her memories of him erased somehow but he feels she abandoned him personally and thats why he tied her up??? Hmmm. Just a theory though

R: But that’s just a theory! A Zemblanity theory! Thanks for reading!

God I hope at least some of y’all get the reference

I will say, you’re not too far off the mark, but you’re not 100% there either. 👀

WIC? Not completely. They did get Yangyang being the best friend correct and that he murdered (Y/N)’s toxic boyfriend (who just happened to be Xiaojun). But that’s about it, and I applaud you on getting that close!

{Prior to TIR1} Maybe Xiaojun is the best friend in Ch. 4’s dreams…

T: OKAY HEAR ME OUT: I think is the case as to why Xiaojun and Yang² hate each other (apart from the theories I left under chp 4). I really think that Xiaojun was actually her best friend and that he helped her out of her relationship with Yang²... and I think Yang² said "he hurt her" cause hes lowkey delusional? And psychotic so he thinks everyone's put to get him. As for Ten, he needed to be her best friend since Xiaojun is an inmate WHICH IS WHY THERES NO RECORDS OF THE DAY SHE CAME TO THE MOON

R: Interesting theory, but like the others, not too far off the mark, but not quite there. Also the lack of records of the day she went to the moon, there’s a reason, but that’s not quite the reason, ahhh that’s confusing but it’s the only way I can say it without revealing too much.

Hint: Look back at the Warden’s Notes, I usually drop spoilers in them on accident and I just forget to delete it

WIC? Ah, Vicky, Vicky, Vicky, you’re gonna give me a run for my money some day. You were SO close I got scared, haha. But, sadly, incorrect. Yangyang was the best friend and Xiaojun was the toxic boyfriend. As for the records part, I thought I left enough evidence for y’all to figure out, but I suppose not.

{Prior to TIR2} Maybe (Y/N) and Ten coming up to the moon in 2004 was a lie?

T: maybe y/n and ten being brought to the moon when they were very little was a lie and thats why the records for 2004 arent there 🤡 im just a simple dumbass i'll just wait until someone smarter puts together a sound theory HSNSKS ALSO ALSO ateez concepts are always so cool i 😔🥺 always my faves

R: Awww but you’re plenty smart, love 🥺 the fact that you can put together even the smallest theory is amazing!!!

But I acknowledge your theory and will put it up like the rest ❤️

WIC? Sadly, no. And I think I should just say it at this point and ruin the spoiler but hmm... I’ll put it at the end, how about that?

{Prior to TIR4} Maybe (Y/N)’s dreams aren’t hers and she’s living through someone else’s memories?

T: WAIT CRYS- WAIIIIT WAIIIIIT WAIIIIT.... okay okay okay are the dreams or memories that appear in the chapters uniquely Yn's? 👁👄👁 (please donr make me feel like a clown cause 😣✌🏾). This is me b4 you answer my last ask BUT what if the memories arent... hers.... what if most of the inmates had girlfriends and for those who committed murder, it was linked to the s/o..? Since Kun has OCD it would explain some questionable and almost controlling behaviour towards a lover and same applies to Yang². Just a thought. A far fetched thought that doesnt make sense (not to add but if Xuxi had a lover, kidnapping would apply to the s/o or another party 👀) ✌🏾... so uh again just a thought... the memories arent... lets say consistent(?). Lkke in one of them, shes a secretary, in the other shes a teacher... okay I'm really gonna go with the theory I had. What if the dreams arent hers? Let's remember she and Ten dont have recollecting of coming to the Moon... and in that one Wardens Note Ten was shocked about info he learned at the end... I'm lost lmao. The memories arent hers, in each chapter theres a memory that may(be) include a character which is why the person is never mentioned. Another thing is that in some of the memories, she explicitly says that she has no control over what shes saying or doing which means that they happened in the past and since she has no recollection of them happening, theres a strong chance that shes experiencing it for the first time... which means that she is experiencing the dream through the original person 🤡

R: I had such half assed responses to these so lets just not type those out--

WIC? No, but also a little. The concept is there, but not really. But you were on the right track with Kun and Yangyang. But this did come out before we established that multiple timelines are a thing in Zemblanity, so I liked where you were going with this one! Technically, the memories aren’t hers, but at the same time they are.

{Prior to TIR4} Hendery might have gotten into an accident that involved severe burns…

T: Actually, I think Hendery got in a severe accident that involved 1st degree burns... and I read somewhere that if you get burned that you should put the wound underwater for 20 mins or waiting for paramedics (I'm waiting til you debunk this hehe) sO then baby was burned and since they in space... you know- gravity! And then since gravity is there, he needs to stay underwater so that he doesnt die cause of his burns 🤠

R: I mean, yes? Like medically yeah it’s best to put burns underwater as soon as you can (cold water preferably) but imagine having to stay underwater for 16 hours for a burn?I like it.HENDERY SWEETIE TOUCH THE STOVE-

WIC? Nah.

{Prior to TIR5} Xuxi’s definitely the man in Chapter 2’s dream sequences

T: OKAY SO LIKE- I'm positive of one of two things, the second chapter dream is (Y/n) and Xuxi cause in the interrogation room part 4, he mentioned how his wife is clumsy and that they havent been married for long and in that memory, the invisible person said how (Y/n) was clumsy and she mentioned how they were waiting to start a family which is a hint that they're married. So I'm pretty sure (watch me be wrong) that Xuxi was the invisible person in Chapter 2 illuding to yn being his wife now ----- but now wouldnt that mean that (Y/n)'s dead since she killed herself? Now listen, we all remember that theory of it being multiple versions of her being with all the inmates right? Well let's say that that theory is true, we basically have some sort of evidence illuding to that. Both versions so far of the wife/girlfriend has died and if it's all those timelines crashed together, itll make sense as to why they all know her (one way or another)... 👁👄👁

R: Ooooh interesting, alright how about the other dreams now 😗 I’m interested in this theory, That is also true, according to the basic logic of the multiple lives/timelines theory

But is it what’s happening in Zemblanity?😗

WIC? Yup. I actually never intended for the dreams to be purposely hidden, like literally the dreams subjects are who’s featured in the chapter HAHA but yeah. The only thing off about the theory is the last part tbh.

{Prior to Chapter 5} Xiaojun knows everything

T: Okay so the girl always dies and there has to be something about her that warrants that. Xiaojun said he knows/remembers more than the other inmates so that could be what he is holding back from the warden.. Maybe he knows the reason why? Maybe he has some other information? All I know is, from what we've learned, Xiaojun really did do "what he had to do" and there has to be some other thing he did that would have warranted him going to Sector V because that can't be it.

R: Maybe so 😗

But that will be revealed with time

WIC? Xiaojun does know what happened in the last timeline, so whatever he learned back there transferred over. So yeah, kind of

{Prior to Chapter 6} The Dream Guy in Chapter 5 is Hendery

T: the dream guy in chapter 5 is hendery cuz the dreams seem royal-ish and the guy gave me “prince” feels and technically hendery’s a prince so yeah. and he said his true self will be hiding behind a facade and hendery seems like he has a split personality. so basically he got his new personality by repressing memories of (y/n) (he was the only one who seem to not know (y/n) when they met). and also the way the “king/prince” said “Don’t.” (tea scenario) and hendery said “Don’t” gave me chills

R: Nice catch 😏 I’ll admit you’re on the same path as many other readers, very good 👍

WIC? Yuuup.

{Prior to Chapter 6} The Multiple Timeline Theory (Note that many people contributed to these so they may not be consistent)

T1: So like my theory is that the boys had met (y/n) in different timelines?? Like for example Kun is timeline 1, and (y/n) had died there??? — jongin smth. And theen on her next time line— she met lucas idk its smth like reincarnation or just like because sector v has a unique time and reality. Like they all lived in different realities but sector v connects all of those realities— in which (y/n) was also in. And another theory (since best friend and boyfriend conflict goes on throughout the previous chapters) each wayv member is like the bestfriend or boyfriend of (y/n) each timeline— like ten in this present timeline Buuuut i cant explain why yangyang is the one on 7th timeline whilst ten was currently the one (y/n) knows personally

Add on: I was reading anons theory and I was thinking the same thing. Because time is different In the sector that allows them to be in the same timeline. (Think ATEEZ new concept where they all knew each other but got separated, but are coming together again.) This would also explain all of the different voices that Y/N hears and how in the warden noted that Ten is starting to piece things together.

R: (½) I said this in the previous post but I actually really like this theory, it’s a very interesting take on what’s going on. Posting this one first so it appears below the first part!! Ooooh this one’s different from the ones I’ve read so far, I like where you’re going with this one anon, props to you for cutting from a different fabric!

Ooooh and the theory deepens, you guys are so creative I love it 🥰

WIC? Not far off the mark, but not a bullseye.

{Prior to Chapter 8’s Release} The inmate from 2022 (mentioned in TIR6 and TIR8) is Ten

T1: So I wanted to write it in the comments but I have an idea and wanted to write "directly" (I also don't use ask option a lot so also It will be multiple part so sorry 🥺🙏) I got a sudden idea while looking at the dates of the newest interrogation room and the dates of when the Inmates were brought to Sector V and... I think I got something... Kun, who was the first one to come to sector V, first came in February but the Interrogation takes place in January and a whole ass moth before it.

So I came to a sudden realization that there was a 7th Inmate who allegedly killed himself. And then my mind made a connection to Ten who in the MV and promotion shots was shown to have the same V tattoo as the others. Could it be that Ten was the original Inmate? It would kinda add up i think. Like there is a possibility that The Warden (our Father) was fed up with him and killed him but filed it in reports as a suicide.

It could be that it isn't our Ten because if my Multiverse Theory is right that would open a lot of possibilities. It could be a wierd coincidence to have two Ten's in the same Building (not that I'm complaining) so it could be less likely. But I have two versions of the theory. The second being that neither Ten or we have a recollection of how and why we were brought to the moon station. Which in on itself is pretty fishy. But to assume for a second that Ten was convinced of Murder...

And maybe he was tortured to the point of amnesia and/or memory loss and then tossed out of the Sector with some false memories but somewhere in his head he “remembers” (something like deja vu) about what happened “last time” and when she wants to meet the others he tries to prevent it.

Underneath there, somewhere in his mind he knows what he did wrong and tries to prevent it from happening again. He knows that whatever happened to us can happen again if we meet the others. Or we are all in a loop and Ten is like Sans from Undertale and knows it all and has godlike powers. Idk mate it's 1 Am in Germany and I'm basically sleeping at this point. But remember it's just a theory. A Zembalty Theory. (hopefully I wrote it right) also sorry for spamming your inbox 🙏🥺Love you

R: Yessssss, also I like this theory, more answers will be revealed soon.

That is true 👀 But if I recall correctly, I believe it was the eighth inmate that offend himself 🤔 but it is an interesting theory, I’ll give you that.

I have grown very fond of the multiverse theory, there’s a lot of space for it to grow. But as for your second theory it would tie in the missing files from both 2004 and 2019 😗

WIC? Ten was, indeed, the original inmate. Also I did allude to their being a “time loop” of sorts in much of Xiaojun’s parts.

T2: Theory time hehehe The inmate from 2022 was actually Ten- and he was bargaining with (y/n)’s father (who i assumed did not die in the original timeline) for smth (like he requested Ten to go back in time since he mentioned that Ten figured out a way to travel through time) *i connected the time paradox here wherein one goes back in time so things change in the future.

But then Ten betrayed the previous warden and killed him (past of warden)— thats why his death is still a mystery—- and this leads to the current timeline where Ten becomes the warden instead of (y/n)’s father living up till 2022— and this also leads to Ten not knowing what he did on the other “future” and probably not being a criminal— (but that would also mean the deal wont happen right? Idk anymore)

and probably the old warden requested him to go back to 2004??? “As long as you refrain from killing anyone else, you should be fine, I’m sure you’ll remember at least that much.” Also take note of this— its like if Ten* refrains from killinganyone else from the past then he’ll remember atleast some parts of their deal when the future changes

So ye this is me trying to understand the masterpiece called Zemblanity. Kudos to you for making my brain active during quarantine 🥰

oof i forgot a detail —- thats why Ten (as (y/n)’s bestfriend and warden) doubts if he could even trust himself— and why his populace records is a mystery to (y/n) Anyways thank you for taking your time to read these! 🥰☺️

R: Now this is a theory I enjoy! Very well thought out, but I must say, although it hasn’t been explicitly stated I assume is implicitly understood, the Warden has some control over the timelines considering that each inmate is, theoretically, from a different timeline. For Ten to be able to do it, assuming he is the unknown inmate, he would have to have already gained the status of Warden, which is impossible considering that the old Warden is still alive.

Ah yes, a classic time paradox, we certainly love those, don’t we? If only we were at that part in Zemblanity where the rules of Time were strictly laid out, but alas, we are not. So for now we will settle for this paradox that if Ten was thrown back in time and killed the Warden, the conversation will never have taken place, and Ten would have never, theoretically, been sent back in time.But then again if the Warden wasn’t killed and the conversation did take place, that would establish an entire time loop, wouldn’t it? Just Ten constantly going back to 2004 and reliving everything only to be sent back again, and again, I wonder what needs to be done differently, hmm…

This is a possibility, and I was going to mention it in the (2) of this ask, but I actually found that it would make more sense to put it in here. If Ten was, theoretically, sent back in time, how would you explain (Y/N) and Ten having memories of when they were toddlers? Assuming you’re intending that if Ten was sent back in time he’d still be a full age adult.

It’s no problem, I’m trying my best to keep your minds sharp while we all spend our days in our homes hehe… Ohhh and thank you! I’m so glad you enjoy my little (okay actually huge) story of Zemblanity!!!

This is a theory I like a lot, I can tell you put a lot of thought into it! But it would explain why there are some lapses in Ten’s judgment as to who he can trust, and it would also explain why (Y/N) had to search up Ten’s name in her Records database

WIC? Actually, this is probably the closest one to the truth anyone has ever gotten. Props to you, anon!

T3: Did they agree to have Ten stay out of it so he was there to protect YN since none of them could do it cause they clingy af and would of started a war and killed each other 👀🙊 and cause they mental health is deteriorating more and more in the Sector they willing to throw Ten out the way to get her back 🤔🤔🤔

AAAAAAALSO!!!!! Rereading the Warden Notes, there was mentioned of 8 inmates but the 8th killed himself so it was decided to be maxed out at 7.......who be the 7th inmate..... I swear tf if I'm right about Ten imma be needing at least 4 bottles of wine to cope, however if I'm wrong! I'm still gonna need them 🙊 (I'm so sorry, these were all EUREKA moments.....i didn't mean to spam)

R: Ooh I like this one, but I do have to say why Ten? But if this is true, I’d argue that either Kun or Hendery could’ve done it too, Kun’s a patient character and Hendery’s pretty chill. Plus according to the story line Ten and (Y/N) came when they were toddlers and both have memories of such, hmm…. 🤔

FOUR BOTTLES AHAHAHAHA. Also noooo I don’t mind spam at all, love, so don’t worry ❤️ But yes I do acknowledge that I wrote that the Sector is maxed out at 7 but I will also say that it doesn’t necessarily mean that there were seven at the start of the story 👀

WIC? Sadly, no :(

Special Questions

So... what happened to the 2004 Flight Records?

To put it simply, the Warden (Park Hyunjun) destroyed them. The Sector works in strange ways, as seen when the tapes from TL8 transferred over to TL9 for (Y/N) to see them. This is a special power of the Warden, the ability to allow items to transcend different timelines, which is only possible in Sector V (due to it’s independence of most of the rules of time). During his final negotiation with TL8 Ten, prior to sending him back in time to prevent the total destruction of the moon colony, he implies that he’d leave everything in place for the paradox item to find it’s way to Ten, and he’d keep him under watch.

However, Ten didn’t come to the moon in 2004. Now this is on me, I never explicitly said it, only left clues for it to be found. The records were damaged, but why? Every inmate has access to the Records room, but none have an incentive to destroy it, except for the one person it would apply to, in this case Ten. The Warden is implied to have special abilities in the Moon Colony, usually to prioritize the greater good of the Colony (i.e. calling the shots for executions, destroying cards, withholding evidence, etc.)

Now, TL9 Ten couldn’t have destroyed the records, why would he? But, I’ve mentioned on occassion that Ten was “always at war with himself” and, I quote from Ch. 1, “Sometimes [he has] to remind [himself] that [he’s] the Warden.”

There isn’t significant evidence that Ten wasn’t on that flight, but on the other hand there isn’t evidence that he was. All we have to go off of is the damaged flight records and what the Warden said in his tapes prior to being killed.

Do with that what you may.

Who was the eighth inmate who killed himself?

Sadly, no one actually important to the main story. He was just there so I can establish why there were only six inmates in the Sector at the beginning of Zemblanity, and why Ten was able to get convicted in there after the fact.

What about 2019′s records?

That was just a way to throw you all off, haha, it seemed like it worked. I never said that there weren’t any 2019 records, they were just tampered with and Mark had to reenter them, and I’ve long established that their Supervisor tends to make them work more since he’s that shitty a person.

#zemblanity #my writings #spoilers

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molusca · 4 years

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she apologized for how she handled the situation and apologized for brushing off someone's honest criticisms as hate. what more is she meant to do? throw herself onto a pyre? is she not allowed to feel lousy that this whole thing blew up in her face? because she's an adult and she made a mistake, she's not allowed to be sad or stressed? she's still an imperfect human. apologizing immediately usually means people are still sensitive to their own hurt of being called out because it's fresh and on their mind so it tends to slip into their apology, but if she had waited any longer to compose herself, you guys would probably have an issue with how long she took. also, in aaaaaallll of this, I've have yet to once see what exactly about her work is so problematic? I've read her fic and I personally can't see anything wrong, although I will admit that yes, I'm a white ciswoman but I'd like to think I'm aware of negative tropes. but the only thing touted is "it made an mlm uncomfortable" but HOW??? honestly, I want to know! if anything so I can avoid doing the same thing! how is anyone meant to learn when you're not bringing up these points as often as you're explicitly laying out the problems in her apology and whatnot. I've seen 6 posts about how shit the apology was and for why and I've not once seen the original comment detailing why the fic was problematic, and I've been looking on twit, tumblr, insta, and ao3. if it's been deleted, why isn't anyone stating again and again what's wrong? also, if someone is making fic/art you don't like, don't. interact. with. it. there's tons of stuff on ao3 and twit that I don't like, some of it that I think is disgusting (do you know how many fics there are with keith/kosmos?) and I just scroll past it cause it can't hurt me if I don't read it. there's one artist that's pretty popular on Twitter and I personally really hate they way they draw klance but it's all over my tl. I respect that person's art style and creativeness and keep on moving. other people enjoy it, good for them. and if I start reading something and get surprised with something I dont like, I leave! find people who write things you like and stop engaging with creators who's things you don't like, as far as I know no one is holding a gun to your head making you read problematic fic. also for as much as you rag on her for the words she used to apologize, you don't seem to be considering your own words when offering criticism. if Taylor mistook the person's words as hate, couldn't it have been because the way he worded the complaint was done hatefully? lastly, no one, absolutely no one, is required to talk about world issues when they're running a fandom account,no matter how "big" they are. we all know what's going on in the world, we're surrounded by sad and stressful stories practically 24/7 and if someone isn't, they're probably curating their social feeds to be that way (like you should do when it come to kl content creators you don't like). people sending hate in Taylor's defense are in the wrong I agree, and this isn't hate its critism its a discussion, but Taylor isn't responsible for, how many people did you say? 16k on twit? even if she said hey guys stop, you think they would? she's can't control all those people and expecting her to is nonsense. I see so many younger fans expecting perfection in their fandoms and that just isn't going to happen. yes we should be striving to be better but no one is ever going to be perfect. not you, not me, not the mlm person, not Taylor, not anyone on any side of this argument. the only way to avoid this kind of circular dog piling and hate sending is to better curate your fandom experience by ignore those you have issues with.- 🦛

she apologized for how she handled the situation and apologized for brushing off someone's honest criticisms as hate. what more is she meant to do?

im pretty sure i said its good that she realizes she handled it poorly. but she makes the whole apology about this, doesnt directly talk about the issues and i know someone went to her to talk about it. also, it took her a day to say something about it so it wasnt exactly immediate (in the sense people had already stopped talking about it but that doesnt mean they werent still bothered). the apology was directed at mlm, and i havent seen one saying it felt genuine. of couse she can be hurt but when you apologize to a marginalized group the focus shouldnt be your feelings, but the feelings of the ones you have hurt.

I've have yet to once see what exactly about her work is so problematic?

she admits to be projecting on lance. so she makes him very femine and keith very masculine. and ok, gay couples like that do exist, but she is a woman projecting in this situation so this bothers people. putting mlm in this position is a harmful steriotype, bc it feels very heterosexual. this is a trope, it unfortunately happens a lot and its harmful. women need to be aware of what they are representing when drawing/writing mlm because well, real mlm are going to see it, and no one likes to feel like a fetish to others. and its not our place to question if the criticism is right or wrong when we are not mlm, so if you read this and think “but thats not a problem thats not a fetish etc” well, its not your place to judge that. theres more to it and you probably could get a better answer from a mlm sorry.

if someone is making fic/art you don't like, don't. interact. with. it. there's tons of stuff on ao3 and twit that I don't like, some of it that I think is disgusting (do you know how many fics there are with keith/kosmos?) and I just scroll past it cause it can't hurt me if I don't read it.

please, lets not compare a minority pointing out harmful tropes with. something fucking illegal.

as you said, you are a cis woman, of course its not going to hurt you in this case. but if people are making harmful content its not a simple matter of “dont interact with it” because they will still be promoting it, other people are going to read it, and media influences how we see minorities so of course people will not like when they see bad portrayal of them. also, tumblr sucks so even if you want to just “dont interact with it” its hard because even after blocking you can still cross the content of someone. not sure how it works on twitter but anyway this discussion started on tumblr and tumblr doesnt stop people who were bothered by her to avoid her by blocking.

if Taylor mistook the person's words as hate, couldn't it have been because the way he worded the complaint was done hatefully?

i think she deleted the ask by now, but i dont remember the ask being hateful. i remember someone asking if she was a fujoshi, and another person mentioned that mlm didnt like the way she portrayals klance. i dont remember it being hateful. but again, she apologized for handling it badly. its just that she stops there.

no one, absolutely no one, is required to talk about world issues when they're running a fandom account,no matter how "big" they are. we all know what's going on in the world, we're surrounded by sad and stressful stories practically 24/7 and if someone isn't, they're probably curating their social feeds to be that way

ignoring world issues is a privilege. if someone is able to turn off from all the problems in the world, its a privilige. yes no one should talk aobut it all the time thats not even healthy, but to never talk about it is a privilege. thats what black people are saying, they cant just turn off from racism, so yes they are going to expect white people to do something. online honestly i cant do shit, i dont think anything i reblog here does a difference and i do what i can in my own country, but she has a plataform that could help bring awareness. again, its a privilege to be able to curate your social media to be a perfect happy place.

even if she said hey guys stop, you think they would? she's can't control all those people and expecting her to is nonsense.

maybe they wouldnt, but if people were doing this type of thing in my name, in my defense, i would at least say something about it idk. she cant control them but she makes nothing to show that she disagrees or look for the people being harassed to say something about it.

the only way to avoid this kind of circular dog piling and hate sending is to better curate your fandom experience by ignore those you have issues with.

when it comes to simple things like “i prefer taller lance and i dont like taller keith” yeah, its fine to ignore people who draw taller keith and move on with your life or something like that. but we are talking about mlm, a real group of people, being upset for being portrayed in a harmful and steriotype way. its everywhere in fandom, and in real life. they cant escape from real life, and then they come to fandom where everyone wants some escapism and have to deal with more issues. its tiring

#well. good morning #anon

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mollydollyjournals · 3 years

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Lol this always happens. I feel sad and shit and worthless basically all the time but then i have a drink and suddenly i wanna talk about it. Or talk about anything that makes me feel like i can actually relate to people who want to relate to me. I have a message from my friend, who probably at this point is my best friend, a reply to something i sent before. But it says shes had a really hectic day and i remember her saying everything she was doing so i dont wanna start being talkative. She probably needs to rest. She doesnt often say no to people even when she needs to so i dont want to push.

When i was at her place the other day i mentioned i had a tumblr where i talk about mental health "bad stuff." She asked if it might be a good thing to get my tumblr just so she knows im okay. I felt like its nice of her to ask but i dont want to bother her with it when i know she has her own stuff to deal with. I ssid it was for me to post all my worst stuff and she said something like 'yeah you should be able to post if ive annoyed you' but like its not that, its just 1) i much more bluntly state here what i really want to talk about on my regular social media, about struggling and wanting to die and feeling shit shoht myself etc, and 2) she's the person im most jealous of. Not because she doesnt deserve the nice things, i just want them too. Whenever we go anywhere together people will stop her in the street and compliment her, and they act like i dont exist. Even if i felt like i didnt look so bad that day.

Ive mentioned this before. I hate it. Im glad that even my initial intrusive thoughts havent been that i wish she didnt have x good thing, but i really struggle knowing that its all stuff i want and cant have. Shes a genuinely wonderful person, but shes also everything ive always wanted to be.

Ive sort of mentioned this to her in the past as she was dating my husband a couple of years ago. I had a huge freakout, and i dont usually get jealous with poly stuff. It just hit all my triggers and i felt like i was gonna get forgotten. In the end they broke up for a few reasons but yeah.

Idk. Like maybe i put her on a pedestal or something. Thats not fair to anyone. I just also relate to her about a lot of stuff, so i like talking to her about shit thats on my mind, but i dont want to be a bother. And this is the person who's probably the lost validating to me with telling me that im not being a bother, because she knows what that insecurity feels like. Idk i just dont want to be too much. I dont know how to not be too much except to pull back entirely. Anyone whos ever been close to me has had to keep pushing me for it and deal with me being nervous as shit. If i really dont want to be around someone I'll straight up tell them, but even when i do want to hang with someone, im so bad at saying so. Im a fucking adult why cant i do it. But all the people close to me, i thought about it at some point and realised its the same with all of them - they had to keep sending the first message and coming to see me and making it super clear they wanted to be around me.

I always see stuff like 'if they want to talk to you they will' and thats exactly my problem. I think like that. But if people think like that about me, it looks like i hate everyone. I want to talk to people a lot but i just might be too nervous, or not know what to say, or all kinds of things. And i guess that's fine if thats all thats in your way of messaging me, but realistically surely its not fair if i always expect other people to send the first message and invite me places etc. The only way i know to get around it is drinking, and it doesnt even always work, and then its just another reason i have such a drinking problem, and then i feel like the pathetic alcoholic acquaintance that nobody wants to be around, and its just the same shit.

Its not like i didnt know this would happen. I dont get any decent social interaction out of drinking anymore. It makes me more talkative and more direct but people will either get weirded out by that or they already know me and it doesnt make any difference to them. I still sober up and feel like i made everything awkward. I always feel like i made everything awkward. I always need so much reassurance. Its tiring.

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megashadowdragon · 4 years

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jaunes semblance has 7 aspects to it one for each color of the rainbow

There’s the color you think he is, the color he lives up to, it’s a lot of stuff. -Monty in Forever Fall commentaries which implys that yellow which jaune means is not his true color theme

the symbol on jaunes shield is a rainbow and the french word for rainbow is arc en ciel and jaune has 7 sisters and there are 7 colors of the rainbow

so it fits that the arc familys theme is supposed be having each members colors to one of the 7 colors of the rainbow but jaunes color is all 7 of the rainbows colors jaunes aura is white

which is the combination of all colors on the visual spectrum

consider jaunes base aura color as white ( I have to point out when pyrrha used her semblance her aura turned black

( when her aura color is red in its base state

)

and his activation of his semblance as a prism where depending on the ability he switches between seven colors of the rainbow (

so I think that while jaunes aura when he amplifies someone elses or his own aura is yellow

and it changes when he chooses a specific ability which fits with the paladin/cleric/support role

2nd semblance immunity/blocking : he and the stuff he is using as a conduit for his aura is immune to certain semblances which is meant to put a sort of status effect on him or manipulate his body like telekinesis or polarity ) or to put it another way if it begins to affect him/ if the person trys to use it on him this ability nullifys it and works passively for him where itreacts when someone uses their semblance on him unless its not meant to hurt or mess with the person like rens semblance ( given the trust jaune has in ren and knowing what rens semblance is when ren uses that on jaune he would subconsciously let it happen and not have the semblance immunity goes off for it reacts to his desire or sensing a threat ) ( even if he is unaware they are doing it ) after he awakens the ability ) or the stony glare which is meant to paralyze an enemy one they look into their eyes or emeralds hallucinations ( but neos illusions would still not apply since its not meant to directly affect him so semblances like ruby or yang wouldnt apply) or semblance nullification ( maybe) and the semblance to steal someones semblance or

think of it as him putting up a shield against effects of semblances of that type or uses of semblances of that type meant to hinder someone or indirect attack etc)

and he can put up this shield for other people (in games there are spells to prevent debuffs

the 3rd ability the ability to undo the effects of someones semblances like for mercury he could restore mercurys semblance. or if yatsuhasi wipes someones memories jaune could undo that in rpgs there are moves/spells to undo / cure status effects on someone like ( blind, petrify, stun , forget etc )

4th semblance ability to sense someones semblance being used to react to it ( a passive one ) and when he gains it the semblance blocking will activate depending on the type of ability it is )

5th aura constructs the ability to make constructs of aura like wings ( vine suggested extending his aura to jaune when he was falling I thought what did vine mean by that and then I came up with this ability because how would extending his aura stop him from falling or being grabbed )

and jaune having angel wings would make him an ARCangel (a term for angel of high rank)

it would allow him to create constructs of his aura like cinder using her semblance to make weapons ( and this will make it so that pyrrhas polarity wouldnt work against jaune (and I like that idea ) if he created weapons out of aura like cinder creating glass weapons and it will be fitting if his semblance grows to allow him to take a page from his enemy cinders

what if in the case of say jaune losing an arm he will be able to create a prosthetic made of pure aura that will work like a normal arm and after he made it it doesnt cost him any aura maintaining its existence it only costs aura to create it once he makes it it stays in existence without using up any aura (and he can choose to undo his creation at will with 0 aura cost) so while cinder has a grimm arm which would allow her to absorb the maidens power but it has a weakness of cinder being unable to use her aura on it to protect it for grimm are beings of darkness which lack aura because they have no souls jaune will have a arm made of aura where after creating it ( and its actually even stronger than his original arm ) he is able to use his aura on it to further protect and strengthen the blows dealt by the arm (like how when mercury blocked yatsuhashis sword strike it with his legs the fact that they are metal means that he doesnt need to cost as much aura to protect from his hit) and the force by the things the aura arm can bring .

and is able to cover his scars with aura construct

and what if jaune is able to make it so his fake arm made out of aura look and feels like a real arm like hisoka from hunter x hunters texture surprise

“ Hisoka can apply his aura to any smooth, flat surface, such as paper or cloth, and manifest imagery on it to change its appearance and texture for deception. He can replicate over one thousand different textures. He has tricked Nen users of the Spiders’ caliber with this ability, with none of them realizing he had used it, either by sight or by touch. Against Kastro, he utilized Texture Surprise to hide his wounds and confuse him. It can also be applied to pure aura, such as Hisoka’s Bungee Gum, to alter his own appearance. Since no aura is detectable once Texture Surprise is active, whether through eyesight, touch, or extra sensorial perception, its effects are also visible to individuals unable to use Nen, it is safe to assume Texture Surprise is a Conjuration ability, which is further supported by its requiring Hisoka’s direct action to be dispelled and by a verb used in its description.

.“

so jaune could use his ability to make it so his fake arm made of aura will look and feel like a real arm and cover up someones scars and make it look like the person didnt have any scars on their body to the point that it would feel like real skin. and after that ability is used it doesn’t cost any more aura there is no aura cost to maintaining the aura constructs existence or making it feel and look like something else.

(and being able to do this adds to jaune being salems good counterpart for she is able to give people grimm limbs which she has a connection to so jaune in contrast will be able to make limbs made of aura ( an extension of the soul)

and will be useful if someone loses a limb and they dont have someone who can make a prosthetic

(though he most likely will have to first master his aura (and will probably go to ren for training to master his aura)

6th : aura drain or aura consumption to allow him to permanently increase his aura ( if the whole theory that he is salems descendant and is part grimm is true given the theory that grimm killing humans is what lets them grow and get stronger etc ( due to humans having aura and being created by both god of light and god of dark ) if it is true and aura being sent into a grimm

or aura absorption ( think of it like a spirit ball type thing and he could do it even if someones aura isnt unlocked and they have to let him do it )

7th aura disruption or telepathy to speak with his team and form strategys ) or semblance replication to replicate someones semblance (and this is only meant to work with semblances that dont mess with someones mind or put status effects on them like yangs semblance or noras semblance or blakes semblance and bestow it upon someone temporarily to increase their fighting capabilities like imagine what ren could do with blakes semblance or rubys and in order to give someone a replicated semblance he would have a line with them to be able to do that ( he would have a line/connection with them to be able to give someone a replicated semblance ( and )

basically the gist is that jaune will have 7 abilitys one for each color of the rainbow to fit with the paladin or cleric role to increase the strength of the party and prevent debuffs or cure them of status debuffs

if you have a better ideas for jaunes other abilities tell me ( and it isnt the first time we saw a semblance which has multiple abilities ( weiss and her glyphs )

and while the arc family is meant to have a color off of one of the colors of the rainbow jaunes color theme is all 7 colors of the rainbow ( which is brought up in wizard of the oz

basically

arcpaladin-jaune . tumblr . com/post/189229474953/dustypotion-me-realising-jaune-never-had-a

#rwby #rwby theory #rwby theories #rwby meta #jaune arc #rwby jaune #jaune rwby #rwby jaune arc #jaune arc rwby #rwby theorys

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system-of-a-feather · 4 years

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Hey how does Maladaptive daydreaming disorder, and DID together effect your daily life (without going into much detail ofc) because I Maladaptive daydream and i dont have DID, but (IVE HEARD AT LEAST) usually with DID people have a lost sence of time, and I know with Maladaptive daydreaming it also happens so... is it just DOUBLE the lost sence of time if that makes sence?? I'm really sorry if this doesnt make sence.

Okay so this is hella late cause we went / are on a kinda-hiatus but there are a lot of things that I would need to correct with this question, and a lot I am going to forget to correct but before I answer

1) Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder is not a thing nor a diagnosis - at least not currently. I personally think that it should be noted in more seriously in a clinical setting as a sub-type of something or as a disorder, but as it stands, Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder does not exist. Maladaptive Daydreaming is more of a behavior / symptom

2) DID results in time loss and dissociation-related amnesia. It isn’t a loss sense of time as much as it is “lost time” and often - from my personal experience - feels more like how I casually describe it as a “timeskip” than it does a blackout. There will just be a chunk that had passed without much conscious knowledge and actions that occurred in those times will either be absent or very foggy / blurry.

With maladaptive daydreaming, correct me if I am wrong since I haven’t looked as actively into it lately and I have been more in the stage of preventing relapse than I am in actively fighting MaDD, but lost sense of time is more like “time flying by fast” and time fasting slower or faster than expected due to being so immersed in the internal storyline or daydream going on.

Essentially as someone who was a very strong maladaptive daydreamer and DID, it was just like having two types of time-related issues. Sometimes I would loose chunks of time, other times the time would still be there, but would seem faster or slower than it should have been; though I will still remember what I had done there.

Together the two interact really heavily - or did - but lately the direct relationship of the two are up for debate. To keep it really without detail and general, when it comes to being really bad with maladaptive daydreaming and also having DID, I feel having DID has made it all that more critical that I HAVE to make sure that I keep my maladaptive daydreaming in check. Personally, I have found that due to the interaction, if I allow my maladaptive daydreaming to get out of hand, I am much more likely to not process emotions, more likely to split, more likely to rapidly deteriorate in functioning, and both maladaptive daydreaming and DID will have the negative symptoms rapidly skyrocket.

Personally the two are a horrible combo - enough so that for two or three years I entirely forgave my favorite hobby (writing) in order to make sure I could moderate it since it was important to my healing.

I know there is a community of people here on Tumblr that take MaDD as something not too serious or like a club of highly imaginative people, but I am really not one of those people and I’ve personally seen it ruin lives and worsen mental health conditions drastically. I don’t wish to start conflict with those that don’t see MaDD as an issue or that it is something that helps them because honestly, if it genuinely doesn’t cause dysfunction, power to you - but I am heavily biased in how it tends to be hyper dysfunctional and not a laughing matter for most.

-Riku (Host)

#asks #ask #alter: riku #madd #maladaptive daydreaming

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umbillicalnoose · 5 years

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i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

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hwangskz · 5 years

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excuse me, do you have a boyfriend? | bad boy! felix

so i was lurking on tumblr at 5am a few days ago and got inspired for this by @chenle 's anon lmao thank u i guess skjshd

• "are you jamaican? 'cause jamaican me fall for you ;)" - you know who

• u read another note from the same guy who's been following u around for quite a few weeks now

• and as u slam ur locker shut (trying to look cool (⌐■_■))

• but then

• "hello there"

• "JSHSBA AAAAAA-"

• "OH MY GOD IM SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE U !!!! IT'S JUST ME !!!!! FELIX !!!!!"

• there goes ur cool aura o(╥﹏╥)o

• "from the next time, TELL ME UR THERE BEFORE U FUCKIN ATTACK BITCH"

• "i ???? just spoke ????"

• "ur voice is enough to give me shivers shut up-"

• and he nears ur face and just wriggles his eyebrows up and down causing u to roll ur eyes

• "shut up i didn't mean that in the other way-"

• "yeah, um, sure"

• u could only roll ur eyes at him at this point

• "also im not jamaican?? im korean, dude" - you, as u look at felix with confusion

• "JSHSB NO I KNOW!!!! but ur still making me fall for u ;))" - felix, as he throws a wink at u in the end, and u pretend to gag on it which makes him cutely laugh

• u never really understood felix's deal w you, u know????

• like, yeah u remember bumping into a guy after u had joined ur school for about a month and u were late for ur maths class

• and honestly u would have loved to help him pick up whatever papers that fell down (that belonged to him) but NUH UH BITCH UR NOT STAYING 15 MINS AFTER CLASS AGAIN JUST TO CATCH UP ON WHAT U MISSED

• u had once learned that if something's gone, then that's just how it is gonna be. gone.

• so who are u to change laws HUH

• but while u were rushing this boy just???? stops u????

• "excuse me, do you have a boyfriend?"

• first thought : what... the fuck

• second thought : WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS RANDOM STRANGER JUST ASK

• that may have sounded agressive but u WERE FUCKING BLANK

• "w-wait, what?"

• "a-ah, sorry that must've been too direct... i'm lee felix! and i think ur cute"

• bro

• how the FUCK are u straightforward

• "because ur cuteness made :D"

• u dont even know HOW but felix just ended up sticking his nose in ur business with u after that

• his friends never minded??? tho???

• "hey chan i hope u don't feel weird when felix stays with me for too long,,,"

• "?????? y/n!!! i would never oml!!! it's completely fine! u can have 'lix! romantically too, teehee"

• looking at it from felix's side,

• he was carrying the extra sheets back to his science class when he bumped into u

• he obv knew u were a girl because of ur voice when u were talking to urself about getting late

• so u know how in movies and shows and books, they all say that u'll meet the loyl after bumping into them and then u both will gather the papers together and all that stuff

• well that did happen

• ...except that u just ran away without a sorry or anything???

• so felix just sat there in silence for about 3 seconds before dashing to u and, well, asking if u have a boyfriend

• to be honest, this wasn't really the first time he's seen u, u know

• yall have the same english class and he sits right behind u

• he's admired u from behind before

• but probably his Bad Bitch Side decided to show up that day because this boy is actually just a softie behind that bad boy personality jshsjshs

• but seeing u react like that, with ur cheeks all flushed he just :((( GOD he fell in love w u more

• back to the present

• now u know how i mentioned that yall have the same english class???

• well, felix knows ur existence in that class

• however,,,u cant say the same about his tho

• so when u walk into ur class today ur ??? surprised???? when u see felix sitting in ur seat????

• "????? are u stalking me????"

• felix chuckles as he moves aside to make space for u to sit down, which u do

• "can't believe u didn't know we share a class together"

• ":OOOO WE DO?"

• the thing is that u just looked so focused on the topics that felix just didn't have enough heart to break ur concentration from it, yk

• "that's one really stupid excuse"

• "y/N-"

• however, that day in class, u couldn't help but look at felix

• how his eyes sparkled when he gave the right answer and everyone awed at his english skills

• how he showed u his new pencil pouch that had his favorite cartoon character drawn on it and cutely laughed again

• how he kept quoting vines to u and then just laughed heartily again

• are u taking a liking towards felix?

• maybe it had been a really long time since u had been zoned out because the next thing u know felix is shaking u by ur shoulders (very slightly, cautiously, in order to not hurt u accidentally)

• "y/n? hey? u there?"

• u blink ur eyes several times as u look around the class, trying to get a better view, at what looked like ur classmates leaving for their home

• u pack up ur stuff and ur ready to go before felix tugs on ur hoodie sleeve

• jesus CHRIST who taught him to be this cute

• "do u wanna walk home, maybe..?"

• u would have rejected the offer

• "sure"

• maybe that answer was just lying on the tip of ur tongue

• maybe u are taking a liking towards felix

• so yall are on ur way to ur home, in silence

• not that it was awkward

• it felt nice like this

• it felt nice to be with him, like this.

• "hey y/n?"

• "hm?"

• he looks over at u, making sure u know he's sincere about whatever he's gonna say next

• "aren't u tired of me?"

• ??????

• "what do u mean 'tired' of you?"

• "i mean, i'm always lurking around u. never with my friends. i'm always trying to talk to u, disturb u. how have u not gotten rid of me yet?"

• u think for a moment

• think about the time when u first met him

• well obviously u were disturbed

• but u didn't mind it tho

• and unlike other times when u felt lonely, he actually made it feel like someone really had ur back

• even if he kept pushing through ur shell

• actually

• ur pretty fucking glad he did

• "because i like being with you."

• and FELIX JUST SKBSBS STOPS WALKING AND GOES ??????

• "??????? DONT U HATE ME THO"

• "never said that." - you, as u turn around trying to open ur door

• and there he goes again, mouth hanging open and his heart beating at full speed once again because of u

• “wh- in what SENSE DO U LIKE BEING WITH ME-”

• “i’ll leave it to ur imagination”

• and like that, u just turned around and closed the door to ur house, leaving a burning red felix behind

• next day when u reached ur school, u went to ur locker, yk, waiting for the day to go on like a normal one

• except... it wasn’t

• felix stood in front of ur locker, a bright smile on his face and a bag of chocolates in his hand

• “y/n!!!!!! good morning!!!!! ヾ(＠⌒▽⌒＠)ﾉ !!!!”

• “felix what are u doing in front of my lo-”

• he didn’t even let u finish before he shoved the chocolates in ur face

• “i brought something for u!!!”

• and like this, the entire day, felix was acting ESPECIALLY clingy to u

• u didn’t mind it tho

• but before school ended today

• “y/n! wait for me!”

• u look up to see a familiar face

• namely. hwang hyunjin

• running towards u

• “hey! it’s been a while, huh” - you, as u stand facing him now

• he pulls his bag over and gives u a hug, slightly startling u

• “yeah... also, y/n? can i, uh, ask u something..?”

• u nodded slightly, unsure of what he’s gonna say next

• “are u seeing someone?”

• u go silent for a moment

• ur first thought : felix

• but then again, u think, ‘does he even like me for real..?’, so so so many thoughts all about felix are going on in ur head

• so hyunjin continues

• “if not, would u like to go somewhere tomorrow-”

• “she didn’t answer u, did she? then why don’t u take a hint, and leave?”

• u look towards ur right to see the person who had occupied ur mind

• YALL ALREADY K N O W THIS IS LEE FELIX

• “felix you don’t need to-”

• “is s/he/they your girl/boyfriend/partner?”

• this was just a question from hyunjin, so why did make you stop talking?

• why did it do something to your heart?

• “yes.”

• and with that, felix takes ur hand in his and walks away from the school building, but not very far as u pull away from his grip

• “felix? why would you say something that isn’t true-”

• “because i want it to be!”

• you can’t even form words now at this point honestly

• WHAT IS A WORD Y/N L/N DOESNT WHAT A WORD IS

• felix continues

• “i want it to be true, y/n! from day one, when i first met you in class, till today, i only thought of being with you. i even confessed to you, so so so many times, and you said no. well, that’s fine. but what isn’t fine is that.. you never believed me. you never believed the love i had for you. why? is this really too much to ask for? can’t you ever just believe me?”

• u have no clue what made u do this

• but you stepped closer and said

• “i didn’t answer you, right? didn’t you say just a few seconds before that if the person doesn’t answer, the other should take the hint and... leave?”

• u had never seen felix’s eyes tear up like that

• not even that time when he got a huge bruise on his hand because he tried to save u from that ball in the baseball game that had headed towards u

• and it makes something in u ache

• and ur about to take back ur words when

• “if this makes u better, then that’s that, i guess. goodbye, y/n.”

• and like all cliche films u try to pull him back, but guess he’s just really fast. because now? u only see an empty road

• and guess he really meant that goodbye, because now, u can’t even find him

• u even went to chan if he had seen felix

• so many times of the day, but

• “sorry, y/n. i haven’t seen him yet :(”

• was all that u got as an answer from him

• honestly? at this point, u didn’t even know if u liked felix or not

• “from the looks of u, maybe yeah u do.”

• u look up to see chan smiling and taking his seat beside u

• “look, y/n, i might be a very ignorant person sometimes, but i couldn’t ignore the look of sadness on felix’s face that day. we’ve known each other for quite a long time now, you know? but this is the first time i had ever seen him so in love with someone.

• being the popular kid of the school, he still was very polite to people. i still remember when he told he felt something for a girl in his class. i just chuckled thinking it might just be a small crush.... but it wasn’t. it isn’t just a small crush for him now, y/n.”

• ur heart just.. physically hurts alot at this point

• “do u know where i can possibly find him?”

• “i’m not really sure, but u can try to look for him in the practice room. he would always be there when he’s down.”

• maybe there’s still a chance left

• “will he be there right now?”

• once chan answers u, u dash ur way to the practice room, not caring about the students who turned back to scowl at u

• u open the door

• and u might just cry

• because there he was, sitting in front of the mirror, legs crossed, hands tangled in his hair and head down

• “felix!”

• before this boy even gets the chance to answer u, u hug him ever so tightly, trying to ignore that he had slightly flinched at ur touch

• “y/n..?”

• u pull away, hands still wrapped around his waist, and speak out the words that felix had been longing to hear

• “i think i like- no wait. i like you ALOT BITCH”

• felix blinked twice before chuckling lightly and pulling u into a kiss

• and once, u felt so warm

• u sure were shocked at first, but when u kissed him back, felix smiled against ur lips

• when both of u pulled away, ur cheeks burning red

• and so were felix’s cheeks

• he looked down and spoke as he played with his hands, turning the ring around his finger several times

• “i thought u would never come..”

• “says the one who ran away.”

• “because YOU told me to leave!”

• it’s ur turn to look down now, because, damn he was right

• “i just- i’m sorry. i don’t even think i have an excuse for that, except that i couldn’t turn down hyunjin properly.”

• felix sighs and falls into ur arms again

• “did u know i was gonna confess to u that day?”

• “u confess to me everyday tho”

• “!!!! no i mean a serious confession. i was really gonna tell u, sincerely, this time. did chan hyung tell u?”

• u pull away and look at him with a confused expression on ur face

• “??????no????? in fact, he told me that u ‘might’ be here today”

• felix sighs out of relief

• “im glad he kept his promise and didn’t tell u beforehand that day. gotta get him a treat then.”

• “?????????bitch?????? IM COMING TOO”

• he laughs and holds u by ur shoulders as he speaks

• “obviously u’re coming. u’re my woman now, after all ;))))))”

• “oh no what have i got myself into”

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