#this is even longer than the others oh my god

[starlightkun]

⇢ word count: 14.4k ⇢ warnings: past unethical experimentation, you have to accept the premise of a single human empire in space in the future with colonies and a military and not think deeper about that, multiple needle/injection mentions, main characters are morally gray, and oh yeah cursing ⇢ genre: sci-fi, set in the near-ish future, humans and aliens and robots, black op mission, captain kun, ?????? reader, slow burn, fluff, dash of angst, ft. wayv as the crew of the vision ⇢ extra info: took a lot of obvious inspo for this one from isaac asimov’s robot stories, specifically his concept of positronic brains & the three laws of robotics (and if you’ve read any of his stories, you’ll probably be able to see some other places too) ⇢ author's note: ohhhhh my god y’all, THIS PART!!! parts 3 & 4 have the scenes that made me want to write this fic in the first place, i’m so excited!!! ideally, parts 3 & 4 would have been one part, but due to tumblr's 1000-block limit, i had to split it up ⇢ series masterlist | prev. | next

“No, no, no!” You whined, clutching at your head as you shook it furiously. “It hurts! Feels like my head is exploding!”

“What’s happening?”

“I think her head is exploding,” Yangyang said frankly.

It was quick work to pack up camp after breakfast the next morning, and then you were all gathered together at the door to the ag bubble to leave. The crew members were back in their armor, and you had an oxygen mask on, which reminded you of a more structured version of the rebreathers that you’d used before. Everyone was carrying several packs of supplies, and on Kun’s nod, the door was opened, and Kunhang exited rifle-first.

You took one final glance over your shoulder at the bright blue synthetic sky of the ag bubble, the rolling rainbow hills of orchards and crop fields, cut through by the gleaming river, then followed Yangyang out. The sight in the hallway hadn’t gotten any better. The time that had passed only worked to degrade the bodies further, and you were very thankful that your mask was hooked up to its own oxygen supply instead of filtering the air around you. The Skipper bodies were decomposing faster than the human ones, their already minimal tissue beginning to liquefy and slough off their thin, wiry, birdlike skeletons. While you wished you could just look up at the ceiling the whole way out, you had to keep your eyes on the floor to avoid stepping in the new, unknown substances in your path.

The crew had put you back in the center of them as you walked through the halls, Kunhang and Yangyang at the front, Ten and Dejun at the back, and Kun and the Professor on either side of you. As you turned down one hallway, your eyes unwittingly landed on a human corpse, and after a half-beat, you recognized it as the same woman you saw when you left the storm shelter, but only by her dandelion yellow blouse. Her face was rendered unrecognizable by bloating and discoloration, and even her shirt was marred by stains, no longer a bright yellow.

You gasped and stumbled, your eyes locked on hers, open and glassed over, no longer holding whatever color they used to—brown, blue, green, hazel. A hand immediately shot out to catch your arm and keep you upright.

“Y/N, come on,” Kun’s voice was firm as he pulled you forward, and you let him usher you on.

Once you were past that sector, he shifted you behind him and grabbed your right hand to put it on his upper right arm. “Here, just watch my back and your feet. Don’t look anywhere else until we’re out. Okay?”

You couldn’t reply audibly with the oxygen mask on, so you just squeezed his arm once, and he moved onward again. You kept your eyes trained on a spot in his middle back, between his shoulder blades, occasionally looking down to make sure you wouldn’t step on his heels as you went. But otherwise, you didn’t look over his shoulder up ahead, or at the carnage on either side of you. You tried to forget the woman in the dandelion yellow blouse.

In your time with the crew of the Vision, you hadn’t been to the side of the facility where the exit door was. When you were searching for the proof of concept, your team was in a different area. So as you walked, and walked, and walked, you realized that your hiding place must have been equidistant from the ag bubble to the exit door.

You recognized the sign above the door, with a singular large, bright red Outspacer glyph for ‘EXIT’ and the doorway itself painted the same bright red as the sign. Hard to miss. Kunhang readied his rifle as Yangyang quickly opened the door for him, and he quickly looked around first before lowering it. Everyone else followed.

As soon as you stepped onto the surface of Aegeum, goosebumps flared along your skin, and you shivered. The surface was barren, gray rock, covered in a thin layer of dirt the same gray color as the rocks, eroded from the wind and occasional surface weather. Despite it being morning in the ag bubble that you had just left, it looked like nighttime on the surface of the artificial planet, pitch black outside. It was only illuminated by light from the stars in the sky. You didn’t know off the top of your head how close Aegeum was to the star at the center of its solar system, nor if it had a moon, as you couldn’t spot one above you.

There were three ships on the surface. You could identify the two Fishead pods that the Skippers had come in, which had most definitely seen better days, with significant scuffs and dents along their bulbous surfaces. One looked like some kind of energy cannon had even landed a hit in the hull—it wouldn’t have made it very far after that. The third ship was definitely the dropship for the crew of the Vision: A shiny, sleek new vessel with the UHN logo on the side, which everyone was headed towards. Judging by the size of the cockpit area visible from the outside, it looked like it only had room for one pilot, and the rest of you would need to go into the passenger and/or cargo areas.

“Zennie? You mind?” Kunhang addressed the AI as your group approached the side of the ship.

You didn’t hear ZEN’s response this time, but a door on the ship opened, and a ramp extended to the ground. Ten got on first, heading for the cockpit, and the rest of you followed, the ramp and door closing up after you. As Ten fired up the dropship, the rest of the crew secured the cargo. The couple packs that you had been carrying were taken from your hands and put somewhere, and you were ushered into a seat against the wall as a couple pairs of hands simultaneously buckled you in and tightened the harness strapped around your shoulders and waist.

The Professor suddenly turned to you, on your left. “Do you get carsick?”

“Do you honestly think she remembers ever being in a car?” Dejun scoffed from across the small passenger space from you.

“Right.”

“Hopefully not!” Yangyang said cheerfully from next to Dejun.

“Passengers, this is your captain speaking,” Ten’s voice suddenly came through the ship.

“I’m pretty sure that’s insubordination, Ten,” Kunhang joked.

“Please follow all directions of the flight attendants and keep your seatbelts fastened at all times. We expect this to be a very short flight. My co-pilot today is ZEN, again, this was your captain, Ten Lee, thank you for flying Ten Airlines.”

That earned a laugh from the Professor, while the others had varying levels of exasperation. Some merely sighed, others rolled their eyes, and still others outwardly groaned and complained.

“Can we just take off already?” Dejun grumbled.

“Ten!” Kun barked from your right side. “Wrap it up!”

“Sir, yes sir!” Ten’s zealous salute was barely visible from behind his seat in the cockpit.

And just a few moments later, the ship hummed to life around you, rumbled, and you felt the pit of your stomach drop out for a brief moment as it thrust upwards from the surface, then all your senses snapped back together. You could still feel that you were rocketing quickly up through atmosphere, that you were moving, but then the ship began decelerating, slowing down, and then the rumbling stopped altogether. There were a few clicks, the occasional bursting again of the rumbles, then one last definitive latching together of something on the outside of the dropship, and no more movement, no more rumbles, and no more humming.

“Attention passengers, we’ve landed right on schedule,” Ten announced, and everyone’s immediate relieved noises nearly downed out the rest of his words, “I thank you again for choosing Ten Airlines.”

Seatbelts were unbuckled, and materials were quickly unloaded from the dropship onto the Vision. Crew members took their own personal effects back to their rooms, and if they were in charge of particular materials, they took those back to their respective areas—Dejun took his medical packs back to the infirmary, Kunhang and Ten took the rations and cooking supplies back to the kitchen.

“Here, we’ll get you your basics and then I’ll show you where the room is,” Kun motioned you further into the ship. You’d been hovering at the entry bay, not wanting to get in anybody’s way as they went about their individual tasks. They hadn’t been lying when they said the Vision could get cramped. It was obviously larger than their dropship, but not built for a crew much bigger than the one they had now.

The walls, floors, and ceilings, of the Vision were all a flat, medium gray metal, and every few steps there would be a bulkhead above you with a letter and number, presumably to keep track of where you were in the ship.

You followed Kun down the hall, where he pointed out things to you as you passed them—infirmary, kitchen, laundry, armory—before stopping in front of a door in the hall. He pressed on a recessed button, and it slid open to reveal a rather large closet of sorts. There were a lot of simple clothes in there like you’d seen the crew members wear when they weren’t in their armor, as well as basic hygiene products.

After grabbing what you needed, you followed Kun into the area of the ship with the crew quarters. He pointed out each cabin to you—Dejun and Yangyang’s, Ten and Kunhang’s, the Professor’s, and then his. And yours. Kun’s and yours.

The room had three beds total, a top and bottom bunk on one wall, opposite a wall with only one bed. The far wall had a small surface protruding out of it to function as a desk, a chair, a dresser, and a door handle that you were fairly certain opened into a closet. The single bed, though immaculately made, did look as though somebody used it, as it was the only one that had sheets, the other two only had mattresses.

“Settle in, I’ll get you sheets,” Kun gestured to the two open beds and rest of the room, then disappeared through the open door.

As you approached the dresser, intent on finding out if there would be any luck in you being able to keep your clothes separate in there, you heard footsteps coming down the hall, and figured it probably wasn’t Kun returning already.

“Knew it,” Ten’s voice was victorious, and when you turned around, you spotted him leaning in the doorway, a wide grin on his face.

“Knew what?” You questioned.

“I knew that the captain was going to be getting a roomie.”

You looked at him blankly. “And…?”

“And nothing. Welcome aboard, Y/N.” He sent you a wink before turning on his heel and taking off somewhere.

Kun had just returned and starting putting the sheets on your bed (at his insistence) when you got another visitor. Dejun popped his head in, taking a brief survey of the room, then asked, “Hey, how are you settling in?”

“Oh, fine,” you flashed him a smile and offered a thumbs-up. “Got clothes, toothbrush, sheets, all that stuff.”

“Good. Make sure you swing by the infirmary before we leave for Earth, alright? The scanner I’ve got here is more comprehensive than the field scanner.”

“Will do. Thanks, Dejun.”

And he was gone too.

Kunhang and the Professor walked by as Kun was putting the pillowcase on.

“What do you need sheets for?” Kunhang snorted, biting into a granola bar or some other small snack that you couldn’t distinguish from his place in the hallway.

“For her to sleep on?” Kun retorted.

“But—” The Professor stopped as Kun dropped the pillow back onto the bed with force then pivoted to look at him incredulously. The civvie and Kunhang exchanged a look before wordlessly walking away.

Kun turned back to you, letting out a deep breath. “This is going to be a long trip back to Earth.”

“How long will it take?” You asked curiously.

“Good news, we have the latest slipdrive technology that’s been upgraded with some newly discovered Outspacer tech. Bad news, Aegeum is still very, very, very far from Earth. So, a month,” he informed you. “With the old slipdrive tech, it would’ve been six months, and with no slipdrive, ten years.”

“So it could’ve been much worse.”

“Yeah. But I have a feeling they’re all going to make it feel like ten years.”

“Maybe five,” you snickered. “Thanks for putting the sheets on, Kun.”

“Of course.”

“Do you have to go give Admiral Lee your update?”

“Yes, but after, I’ll show you around properly,” he promised.

“That’s fine, Dejun wanted me in the infirmary. I think I can find it, we passed it on our way here.”

He touched your forearm briefly. “I’ll see you in a bit. Good luck.”

“You too.”

The two of you stepped out of your cabin, Kun turning left down the hall and you right towards your separate destinations. You were easily able to locate the infirmary again, a few doors down and around the corner from the crew cabins. When you arrived, however, you found it empty.

Before you could debate about going to find Dejun yourself or not, a green box popped up in the air front of you, presumably projected from a computer terminal somewhere in the room.

“Hello again, Y/N,” ZEN’s voice was the same as it had been down on Aegeum, and you found yourself smiling at the cube’s blank faces.

“Hi, ZEN,” you greeted him brightly. “Good to see you again.”

“I would have done reintroductions earlier, but I thought it best to let you get settled in first.”

“And I’m sure you needed to reintegrate your fragments, too.”

“Yes, that too.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you at full capacity.” You looked around the vacant infirmary. “I’m looking for Dejun. Can you help me with that?”

“Lieutenant Xiao is in the kitchen. I’ve already paged him for you.”

“Thanks.” You strolled around the open room, but made sure to keep your hands to yourself. “Are you happy to be stratified data again, ZEN? No more viscera?”

As you looked back at the hovering green cube, you saw a ripple of light go through the pixels, which you figured was meant to emulate a chuckle of sorts.

“While I can conceptualize human emotions like happiness, I can’t say that I feel any particular way. I will tell you that there has been a significant decrease in the processing load put on my system since being removed from the crew’s neural ports, however.”

“I imagine that you might be able to conceptualize that as… relief, then?”

The cube bobbed up and down. “Yes, I would agree with that sentiment.”

“Good to see that you two are getting reacquainted,” Dejun’s voice carried in as he stepped into the infirmary.

“Hi, Dejun. I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”

“Nah, Wong was trying to fix the coffee machine,” he waved off your concern, taking a seat behind a computer monitor. “Wasn’t going so well.”

“Does he not have the manual?”

“He does,” ZEN informed you.

Dejun continued as he clicked a few things and typed on his keyboard, “He likes to feel handy, he’s just not very good at actually being handy. The captain will let him keep at it until everyone needs coffee in the morning. Then Ten will step in.”

“Ten is handy?” You asked.

“He has to be able to fix up his ships,” the medic nodded. “No mechanics on abandoned planets, just AIs without hands.”

“Staff Sergeant Lee also worked part-time at a mechanic’s shop prior to enlisting,” ZEN helpfully supplemented.

“Do you frequently read off factoids from our personnel files to each other behind our backs, ZEN?” Dejun cocked an eyebrow at the hovering cube.

“While that is information that I could access, Staff Sergeant Lee mentioned it in conversation to Corporal Wong, Professor Dong, and myself some time ago. I didn’t see an issue with repeating it now.”

“Good to know.” Dejun must have been done with whatever he was doing at the computer, as he stood up from the seat and walked over to a clear booth that took up one corner of the infirmary. He opened the door and gestured you in. “This is the scanner. Literally the only thing you have to do is stand in here, it’ll take just a minute.”

You obliged, stepping into the compartment, and he quietly closed the door after you. You watched through the clear material as he walked back over to the computer and sat down. Looking up above you, you saw a square panel that appeared as though it had several different prismatic, multi-colored components layered on top of each other, the size of the whole booth, but you couldn’t tell anything else about the material or their construction.

“Okay, two things you need to do in here,” Dejun’s voice came through a speaker in the booth. You looked out to see him pressing a button on his desk. “Don’t look up while this thing is running. You won’t go blind, but it won’t feel great if you’re staring directly at it, alright?”

“Sorry,” you replied, staring straight ahead. “How does this work?”

“ZEN can send some materials to your cabin for you to read later.”

“You can’t explain it to me?”

“I mean, I can tell you how it works like how I can tell you how a stethoscope works. I put this end in my ears, I put this end over your heart, your heart beats, and the stethoscope is constructed in a way that magnifies the sound of your heartbeat so I can hear it more clearly. I can’t tell you how soundwaves work, or the exact properties of the stethoscope materials that make it work like that or anything. Same thing with the scanner. I feel like you’d want something more in-depth like that, right?”

“You’re right. Thanks, Dejun. You too, ZEN.”

“And you’re done,” he declared. “You can step out.”

You looked around in confusion. “When did it turn on?”

“When you stopped looking up.”

You pushed the door open and exited, crossing over to where Dejun was still at his station. He looked at his computer screen with a furrowed brow, tapping his fingers on his desk. ZEN had moved his avatar to a projector on the edge of the desk.

“Everything okay?” You asked nervously.

“Yeah… everything is just fine,” he sighed. “Not that I wanted there to be something bad. It’s just that the scanner would tell me if you had any injuries, or disease, anything wrong with you at all. There’s nothing, which means I really have no clue what’s caused your amnesia. Sorry, Y/N.”

“That’s alright,” you reassured him. “Good to know there’s nothing wrong, right?”

“You’re right.”

“Captain’s on his way in,” ZEN announced, then blipped out of sight.

Kun poked his head into the infirmary just a moment later, his body following when his eyes landed on you. “Hey, how’s it going in here?”

“According to the scanner, I’m all clear. Right, Dejun?” You prompted the doctor.

Dejun nodded passively, eyes still on his screen. “Yep. Nothing wrong at all…”

“So we don’t know what caused her amnesia, then?” Kun immediately caught on, a pensive frown on his face.

“Nope.”

“What are you looking at?” You asked. “The scan?”

“Scanner results. All clear…” He then shook his head as if to clear it, then offered you a smile. “It’s good news, Y/N, that there’s nothing wrong. It was probably an injury that caused your amnesia, and the injury itself has healed, which is why the scanner didn’t pick anything up. Whether your memories come back or not will just be a waiting game at this point.”

“Thank you, Dejun.”

“Do you need her for anything else?” Kun asked the doctor.

“Nah, she’s all yours, Captain.” Your friend said knowingly, making a shooing motion with one hand at the two of you.

“Thanks, Xiao,” he said dryly, then turned to you and nodded towards the door. “Here, Y/N, I still need to show you around properly.”

“See you at mess, Dejun.” You waved goodbye to him over your shoulder before you and Kun left.

Despite the Vision seeming cramped, the crew disappeared effortlessly into all the corridors, rooms, and chambers. You didn’t see another member other than Kun throughout the entire tour, even ZEN making himself scarce, despite the fact that you were aware of his omnipresence.

“And this is the observation deck,” Kun had guided you into a small room at the far side of one end of the Vision. One of the walls had been outfitted with a rudimentary bench, and as you stepped into the center of the room, Kun stayed back to press a panel next to the door.

Darkness dematerialized from one wall panel opposite the bench, and from underneath your feet, leaving you standing on something sturdy but utterly transparent, the gray surface of Aegeum far below you.

“I wanted to show you this before we departed,” Kun explained, walking over to join you. “Once we’re in slipspace, there’s not much to observe.”

You looked out the newly revealed window, seeing nothing but stars in front of you, pulsing and blinking back at you.

“This is great, Kun, thank you,” you breathed out, turning your gaze back down at the planet. “Is the UHN going to come back to Aegeum?”

“There will be a more in-depth investigation than what we’ve done, I’m sure.”

“I mean… Will somebody come get their bodies? All the humans? Or at least notify their families? We were able to identify them.”

“I don’t know,” he confessed. “This project was kept secret even from the head of Intelligence. Their families might have already mourned them.”

You moved away from the floor panel and over to the wall, letting your eyes drink in the darkness interspersed with a seemingly endless number of pinpoints of light. Kun stood beside you, quiet, but you could feel that it was a heavy, contemplative silence.

“What are you thinking about?” You asked, able to picture the furrow in his brow despite the glass that you were looking through having no reflections on it.

“Your memories… I know the all-clear from Xiao is a good thing, but how are you doing?”

“Nothing’s really changed. Even if he’d been able to tell that I had some kind of brain damage or whatever, he wouldn’t be able to go in and press a button to undo my amnesia just because he knew that,” you replied with a shrug. “I was never holding out hope for that to be some magical solution to all my problems.”

“That’s wise.”

“They’ll either come back or they won’t. Either way, I’ll keep going. I’m not going to sit and stare at a wall for forever.”

He let out a quiet chuckle, loosely looping an arm around your waist to pull you closer. “Good. I think you’d get awfully bored staring at a wall forever.”

“How’d your report with the Admiral go?” You asked.

“Fine. Short and sweet. He’s aware that I’ll have more when we arrive on Earth.”

“And when do we leave?”

“Soon. Ten and ZEN are completing their final systems check then we finish our tour at the bridge for departure.”

“Tour’s not over yet?”

“Not quite.” He had a hint of playfulness in his tone.

You finally looked from the stars over to the man with you, seeing a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. You felt that you had one of your own fondly across your own lips as well. “Kun?”

“Hm?” He met your eyes.

“I’m… happy,” you admitted almost sheepishly. “Is that weird? I’m happy to be away from that place, to be with you—and the whole crew, that you’re going to be getting your adjustments, that we’re all okay.”

“No, of course that’s not weird,” he shook his head, moving his hand to rub your back. “Honestly, I’ve been used to things just being shit or less shit, it’s weird for me too. But yeah, I think we can be happy.”

You started leaning in towards Kun, stopping short in case he had second thoughts about showing so much affection in a public place on the ship. But he just met you right where you were waiting, pressing his lips to yours in a kiss that, despite the lack of strawberries, was sweet nevertheless. You lifted a hand up to gently caress his cheek, and as his smile grew wider into the kiss, you could feel one of his dimples appear under your thumb.

“We’re ready when you are, Captain!” Kunhang’s cheery voice abruptly rang through the observatory deck.

Kun whirled around to face the entrance, where the corporal was leaning against the doorway with a broad grin on his face. Your heartrate, meanwhile, was through the roof as you looked between Kunhang and Kun, opting to let the captain take the lead on this one.

“And you couldn’t have paged me to let me know that?” Kun replied through gritted teeth, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I advised that he do so, Captain,” ZEN’s voice came from the panel by the door. “However, Corporal Wong insisted on coming to get you himself.”

“And you didn’t think to give us a head-ups that he was coming?” Kun rounded on the AI, who was noticeably not projecting an avatar this time. “You’re aware that you’re complicit as well, right, ZEN?”

“I’ll go to my nexus and think about what I’ve done,” ZEN replied somberly.

Kunhang, meanwhile, was laughing behind his hand. “Don’t blame Zennie, I wouldn’t have missed that for the world.”

“Is the crew actually ready to depart, Wong?” Kun stared him down.

“Yep!”

“Then go back to the bridge. We’ll be there soon.”

“Sir, yes sir!” Despite his salute, Kunhang was still wearing the same smirk on his face as he left.

Kun pinched the bridge of his nose as he sighed. “They don’t respect me enough, is that it?”

You laughed, resting a hand on his shoulder, “Of course they respect you—”

“Even the AI was pulling my leg.”

“Your crew has a strong sense of camaraderie, and they include you in that,” you reassured him. “That’s a good thing. I’m pretty sure.”

“I’m sorry he did that,” he said quietly. “Are you—”

“Kun, I’m fine, other than being a bit startled,” you chuckled. “We weren’t exactly being inconspicuous. This is a common area on the ship.”

“Well, do you still want to go to the bridge with me? I’m sure the whole crew already knows…”

“You did say there’d be no keeping this from the others,” you pointed out.

“I did.”

You nudged him towards the door. “Come on, might as well get it over with.”

“Good point.” And with that, he started from the room, closing the solar shields over the observatory windows on the way out.

The chattering from the other crew members on the bridge that you could hear from down the hall ceased as soon as you two entered. Kun looked over at you, clearly already annoyed.

“So this is the bridge,” he explained to you in the dead silence, gesturing to the area. At the front were two panels that you could see out of, while along the walls were various buttons, knobs, levers, and gears, a total of five chairs set up at various intervals designating stations. The crew didn’t sit in any of those chairs, but at an oblong table in the middle, with seven chairs.

Kun continued showing you around slowly as he explained, “ZEN manages all of the controls, but there’s of course analog controls in case we need to fly it ourselves.”

The two of you had finally ended up at the table in the center. “Here’s where the human crew will usually be if we’re on the bridge. We have any sort of crew meeting here, and we always gather for take-off, even with ZEN at the helm. Just in case.”

“Hi, guys,” you greeted everyone brightly. There were two chairs left open at the table, and you presumed that the one at the end was the captain’s, so you gestured to the one next to it, which also happened to be next to Yangyang. “Mind if I sit here, Yangyang?”

“Saved it just for you, Y/N.” He beamed.

“How considerate, Liu…” Kun commented dryly as he took the only open seat left.

“Ready for departure, Captain,” ZEN announced, his cube suddenly appearing around shoulder-level above the center of the table. “On your word.”

“Ready for departure,” Kun confirmed with a nod. “Destination: UHN Main Headquarters, Earth. Activate slipdrive.”

“Hold onto your buttholes,” Yangyang muttered under his breath, and you saw both his hands gripping the edge of the table with white knuckles.

There were no seatbelts or harnesses like on the dropship, but you suddenly understood why Yangyang was white-knuckling the furniture like his life depended on it. It felt like all of your internal organs were being pulled through the eye of a needle the size of an electron. Then, before you could breathe, it was gone. You blinked, trying to reorient yourself. Outside the windows there were no longer pinpricks of stars, but utter darkness so deep your eyes almost couldn’t comprehend it.

“Ugh, that doesn’t get any less unpleasant,” Yangyang groaned, shaking his head. “The Outspacers seriously hadn’t figured out how to make it not feel like that?”

“Crystallized ginger?” The Professor offered you a piece from across from you, and you saw a small bag on the table in front of him. “I get carsick… and spaceshipsick, it turns out.”

You accepted the candy as a nice gesture, despite not feeling very queasy. “Thanks, Professor.”

“Alright, quick debrief,” Kun addressed everyone. “We’re headed to UHN Main. Thanks to the new slipdrive, we’ll arrive in about a month. Once we’re there, you’ll all have at least three days of shore leave. I’ll be giving my full report to Admiral Lee, which may or may not alter where we go next.”

When it seemed nobody else had anything to add, he continued, “Xiao, have you started analyzing the sample you got from that lab?”

The doctor nodded. “Yeah, should have the full results in the morning.”

“Okay. We didn’t find the proof of concept, Dr. Yoon is unaccounted for, we do not know why the Skippers were there nor how they found out about the facility, and Y/N will be aboard for the foreseeable future. Anything I’m missing?”

A throat was suspiciously cleared, but you couldn’t quite tell where it had come from, as the others all had varying degrees of guilt on their features. Even ZEN seemed to be pointing his lightest plane away from you.

Kun rolled his eyes and sat up straighter in his chair as he addressed them all sternly, “I’m sure Corporal Wong has already imparted his newfound knowledge to you all, so I see so need to ruminate on it. If there’s nothing further, you’re all dismissed.”

A discordant chorus of incredulous voices immediately erupted around the table, and you simply popped your ginger candy into your mouth as Kun dropped his head into his hands with a groan. It sounded like a few bets had been wagered for various things—laundry tasks, drinks to be bought once they arrived on shore leave, second portions of dessert at mess, anything but money—and the winners were now victoriously recounting their forthcoming prizes.

“If there’s nothing further,” Kun repeated loudly over the rabble, standing from his seat. “I have reports from Admiral Lee to go review.”

He lingered for just a moment with his gaze on you, as if to see if you’d ask to come with. But you shook your head minutely, staying put in your seat. The captain gave a final stony look to the rest of the crew, “I’ll be in my office.”

And he left.

“Alright, I’ll bite,” Ten cleared his throat, the sound awfully familiar. “How long have you and the captain…?”

“Only since last night, promise,” you answered.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Kunhang coughed.

“And exactly how long were you standing there watching us, Kunhang?” You cocked your head curiously, then aimed your question at the AI. “How long was he standing there, ZEN?”

“Don’t answer that, Zennie,” Kunhang rushed to swat at the hologram cube.

The others snickered and made various comments about him being a voyeur.

“My turn,” Yangyang cleared his throat with a grin. “How did he do it?”

“Do what?” You asked.

“You know, ask you out, or whatever. Make a move,” he clarified with a teasing lilt to his words. “I’m just having trouble imagining the captain flirting. Or doing anything other than lecturing me for two hours straight.”

“That’s because you keep doing and/or saying stupid shit that requires two-hour lectures,” Dejun retorted.

“Why are you assuming Captain Qian made a move? Could’ve been Y/N,�� the Professor pointed out.

Yangyang held his hands up. “True, my apologies.”

You shook your head with a laugh. “I don’t know about making moves… We were just talking.”

“And what? Came to a business agreement to enter into a romantic relationship?” Ten snorted.

“No,” you rolled your eyes. “Look, it’s not my fault that you guys can’t imagine your captain as a human being.”

“I, for one, am happy for you two,” the Professor said.

“Thank you, Professor.”

“Hey, we never said we weren’t happy for them,” Kunhang said defensively.

“You’re just being nosy little shits,” Dejun finally spoke up. “Leave her be.”

The others grumbled, but acquiesced, slowly dispersing from the bridge as well.

“ZEN’s loaded up those articles for you, Y/N. I’ll walk you back to your room,” Dejun offered. “I know it’s a bit of a maze in here, it can take some getting used to.”

“I think I’ve got it—”

“I’m headed that way anyway.”

“Right, thanks, Dejun.”

As you and Dejun walked down the ship’s narrow halls, you found that the mental map you had was correct, as he took all the turns that you anticipated. As you stopped in front of your room, you expected him to leave you there, but he stepped into the cabin with you.

“ZEN can get the reader on the desk set up for you,” he gestured at the furniture. “But I just wanted to check in with you.”

“Oh, I feel fine,” you assured him. “Still got the amnesia but… otherwise all good.”

“And you’re okay? Like, you’ve had a lot happen.”

“Yeah, Dejun. It’s been a lot but also… I’m happy, strange as that may be. With all of you, with Kun.”

The doctor nodded. “Alright. That’s all I needed.”

“Thank you for checking on me.”

“Anytime.” He offered you a smile before ducking out of your room.

Kun found you sometime later sat at the desk, reading through the materials about the infirmary scanner that ZEN had gathered for you.

“Hi,” you said over your shoulder as he walked in, your eyes still on the diagram on the screen in front of you.

“Hi,” his voice got closer as he walked over to you. “What is that?”

“A schematic of the full-body scanner in the infirmary,” you replied, then touched the screen to select one of the pieces, pulling up a diagram of the different layers of materials that were suspended above you when you stepped into it. Another tap brought up an up-close image of the crystalline structure of one of the layers. “So that’s what that looks like.”

“Wow. It’s… kind of pretty,” Kun remarked. “Any particular reason you’re studying the infirmary scanner?”

“I was curious. Dejun offered to have ZEN give me some reading materials.”

“Maybe you can read the coffee machine manual next and give Wong a hand in the morning.”

“He hasn’t fixed it yet?”

“He never does.”

“I’m almost done with this article, I can take a look at it next,” you replied, tapping back out of the images and diagrams to get back to the main text. “Maybe fifteen more minutes?”

“Well, do you think you have time to eat first?”

“Oh, is it time for mess?” You finally looked up from the screen, craning your neck up and bending back just slightly to see where Kun was standing directly behind your chair. You were aware of how much time had passed while you’d been sitting there, but you didn’t know what time they ate mess on the ship.

Kun smiled fondly down at you, patting your shoulders. “Yes, if you can spare the time from your studies.”

“Of course.” You digitally marked your place in the article before pushing the button for the reading screen to recede back into the wall. “It was just some reading, really. I don’t know if I’d call it studying.”

“I don’t think I’d call schematics of complex diagnostic scanners and accompanying scientific articles detailing how they work, ‘some reading.’”

“I was curious about how it worked. It’s not like I’m going to build one,” you replied, letting him lead the way out of the cabin.

“I hardly think we have the parts for one, except in the one we already have.”

“Well, they use some similar materials that are used in robot construction, actually,” you told him. “According to the articles I was reading. I don’t know a lot about robots, other than the gist, you know? Positronic brain, metal body, that stuff. But the articles said that a lot of the basic materials that are used in the scanners are also used in robotics.”

“Maybe you and Yangyang can make one then.”

“I just said I don’t want to build one,” you replied with a sigh, despite knowing that he was teasing you. “But I do think it’s interesting that a lot of these materials were scarce on Earth—they’re literally called rare Earth metals—but then once humans started building robots, and got into space, they found places in space where the materials were abundant, and started mining them, and could build more robots to mine even more, and make even more robots. And now there’s so much of them that they started trying to find even more applications outside of robotics, like the medical field.”

The two of you had reached the kitchen, where a couple crew members were sat around the small table in there, and a couple more were up by the counters. Dejun was at the table already, playing some card game with Yangyang.

“So you like the articles so far, Y/N?” The doctor asked you humorously, setting down a card.

“I’m not quite done, but yeah!” You nodded enthusiastically.

“She’s going to read the coffee machine manual next, try to help Wong out,” Kun said, nodding towards where the Corporal was still tinkering with a partially taken apart contraption in the corner. “You said what, fifteen more minutes, Y/N?”

“I’ve got it!” Kunhang cried out.

Dejun looked at you curiously. “Wait, you’re almost done? Already? I thought ZEN would’ve given you more.”

“ZEN, how much reading did you give Y/N?” Yangyang asked aloud to the room.

The AI’s avatar popped up into the middle of the table. “Y/N received the manufacturer’s manual for the infirmary scanner model on the Vision, as well as fifteen articles from various scientific publications detailing the past five years of research into the scientific principles behind the technology for review. I can confirm that she’s completed nearly all the materials except for one article.”

The crew all turned to look at you in disbelief, including both Kunhang and Ten—who had previously been tending to the food. You suddenly got the feeling that that was not normal, the same pit in your stomach that you felt when Kun had unwrapped your hand to reveal your perfectly healed palm, which was still bandaged up now.

“Uh… fast reader?” You supplied hesitantly. “I-I don’t know…”

“What’s the word, Xiao?” Ten pointed at the doctor and snapped his fingers.

“I’m not a mind reader, Ten, you need to give me more context,” Dejun snorted.

“Damn, it’s on the tip of my tongue. You know, when someone’s like, really not smart, but can play the piano really well? Or is a genius at math but can barely read?”

“Savant syndrome?”

“That’s it! Idiot savant.”

“That’s really not the term we use anymore, dude.” Dejun looked very perturbed. “And honestly, it’s not a diagnosis that’s even handed out because—”

Ten completely ignored him, focusing on you. “Maybe you’re a savant. Amnesiac who can read super fast.”

“Or she’s a very smart, but normal, person who got hit on the head very bad and has had her brain scrambled,” Dejun rolled his eyes. “And you should stop calling her an idiot.”

“I’m with Xiao on this one,” Kun interrupted sternly. “Ten, stop calling her an idiot.”

“I’m calling her a savant, but fine.” The Marine shook his head. “Anyway, soup’s on, where’s the Professor?”

“I’m here, I’m here!” The Professor came running in then, out of breath. “Sorry, I was deep in some research. Y/N! You need to read some of my notes.”

“You have more Outspacer notes?” You asked, a little in disbelief.

“Not quite, it’s Ourogish, but I figured you can try your hand at it, right?”

“I mean, I don’t know how helpful I’ll be, but sure?” You replied doubtfully. You’d never seen Ourogish written down, nor learned to speak, read, or write it.

“You see, when we were on Ourogos, I got to see some ruins, and there were these carvings there. Ancient Ourogish. Even the Ourogi who live there now can’t translate it, it’s too distant from the writing system they use now, and they’ve been at war for so long that they’ve lost their entire caste of scholars. But, when you were going through my Outspacer notes on Aegeum and explaining some of the language features, they felt very familiar to me, and I want you to take a look at the Ancient Ourogish.”

“Uh-oh,” Ten sighed knowingly, setting a dish down in front of the Professor. “He’s got an itch.”

“He’s not going to sleep tonight,” Yangyang declared, accepting his plate from Kunhang.

“Sure, Professor, it sounds fun,” you grinned, taking the food that had been passed down to you.

Towards the end of the meal, as everyone was mostly done with their food, but weren’t quite ready to retire to their cabins for the night, Dejun cleared his throat, getting everyone’s attention.

“Now that everyone’s eaten…” He prefaced his words cautiously.

“I don’t want to know what could follow that,” Ten groaned.

“Some of the results on the organic sample have come back,” Dejun continued. “The rest of the tests are going to take until morning, but…”

“Get on with it, Xiao,” Kun prompted him.

“It’s definitely human tissue.”

Everyone was quiet as they looked at each other. Nobody looked surprised, maybe queasy, disgusted, remorseful, or resigned, as if this was exactly what they were expecting but they didn’t want to be right.

“Everything else will have to wait until morning…” Dejun finished quietly.

“Right, thank you, Lieutenant.”

That night, as Kun continued reading the novel he’d picked up on Aegeum, you finished up the last part of the article, then skimmed through the coffee maker manual. When you were done, you shut off the reader then stood up from the desk.

“I’m going to get your med-pods from the infirmary,” you announced, heading towards the door.

“No need,” Kun replied casually, shutting his book.

“Kun—”

“Because I already got them,” he continued, opening a drawer under his bed. There was a small assortment of med-pods and disinfectant wipes, neatly organized in a small container.

“Oh,” you stopped in your tracks. “Good.”

Kun set the book aside and turned over onto his front, resting his arms and head on a pillow as you got out the two med-pods and wipe. As you pulled the hem of his shirt up, you couldn’t help but think back to mess again.

“Do you think it’s all related?” You ripped open the disinfectant wipe. “My hand healing fast, and me reading fast, and the amnesia and… where I was?”

Kun was quiet for a moment as you disinfected the area, then lined up the first med-pod. “I’m not thinking anything about it right now, Y/N.”

Click.

“What do you mean?”

“We don’t know… anything. And what we do know… if we assume that it’s all connected, that would be a big fucking assumption that I’m not comfortable with making. So I’m not going to. These are all extremely disparate pieces of you, and assuming they’re all connected is a huge leap. It would be like walking into a grocery store and seeing a box of pasta, an orange, and a can opener and deciding that because they’re all together in one place, they must have all been made there at the exact same time.”

You pursed your lips, then nodded. “You’re right.”

“The others didn’t bother you too much today, did they?” He changed the subject. “About… you and me?”

“No, not really,” you chuckled. “They’re just having a hard time coming to grips with the idea that you might, you know, be a human being with feelings.”

“Oh, the horror…”

As you watched the med-pod drain, the thoughts of his skeletal enhancements, and the crew’s (albeit, mostly joking) comments about him not being human, and Kun’s own statements to you about feeling like something other, all swirled together in your mind. “Kun… what you were saying, about not being able to remember what you felt like, before you went through the program…”

He turned to look at you over his shoulder. “Yeah?”

“You’ve told me so much about living on Dura-Jil,” you said. “You can’t remember, even a little, about what it felt like being a kid and stealing a Dumbo dropship with your friends? Or learning to drive a Gecko?”

“I mean, I can remember those things happening, but it’s been so long…” he mused. “I can’t recall what breathing with those lungs felt like, or what adrenaline rushing through that body felt like, or how it felt to move those muscles, to learn things with those hands. I know it’s different now, better, faster, stronger, whatever. But I can’t… describe it. Can’t remember why it’s different.”

You scooted further up the bed to rest your hand on his shoulder. What he was describing felt almost painfully familiar to you. A different kind of forgetting, an amnesia of the body instead of the mind. He shifted to rest his cheek against your hand, and you saw his eyes close for just a moment.

When the med-pod clicked again, signaling it was empty, you regretfully had to reach back to swap it out for the second one.

“Strawberries taste different,” Kun finally said, when you’d taken the empty, second med-pod off his back and disposed of the trash. “I remember… the ones I ate on Dura-Jil were always sweeter. I don’t know if it’s just because of where they’re grown, or if my tastebuds have changed, but I remember that. The ones from my mother’s greenhouse were always sweeter than any I’ve had since.”

You sat back down next to him, wanting to make sure he didn’t get up and strain his enhancements too soon. There was a solemn twinge in your chest, a longing for something you had never experienced yourself.

“Y/N…” He rolled onto his back with a soft grunt, but thankfully made no further moves to get up. “Will you… Can I hold you? For a little bit?”

You smiled softly, pulling the covers out from under him. “Of course, Kun, as long as you want.”

Laying down beside him, you brought the sheets and blanket up over the two of you, then curled into his side, resting your head on his chest as he encircled his arms around you.

“Thank you,” he murmured, already sounding very close to sleep.

You closed your eyes, listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat under your ear, and feeling the gentle rise and fall of his chest. And you thought to yourself that if your days ended like this, you didn’t really care what else they were filled with before.

Two (relatively) peaceful weeks passed on the Vision, and you were definitely counting down the days, mentally celebrating that you were halfway there to Kun being in far less pain.

On this particular day, you were reading again. There wasn’t much else for you to do, really. This time, you’d taken the spare tablet you’d been given into the observatory deck for a change of pace from reading in your cabin, though.

“Now what are you reading? Quantum physics?” Yangyang had appeared in the doorway, playful smirk on his lips.

“No, info on the second gen slipdrive model,” you said, eyes still hungrily drinking in the diagram of how all the pieces fit together. “ZEN apparently can’t declassify the stuff for the newest model that’s in the Vision right now without a direct order from either Admiral Lee or Kun, and Kun’s busy.”

“ZEN, come on,” the roboticist snorted. “She’s literally the captain’s… okay, I don’t know what label they’ve got but dude, I think that’s enough of a security clearance.”

ZEN’s avatar popped in for a split-second to defend himself. “I understand the social dynamics quite well, thank you, Lieutenant. However, it’s not my decision, it’s programmed into me. I cannot declassify that information without a direct order from either Admiral Lee or Captain Qian.”

“And what is our esteemed captain doing right now anyway that he can’t be interrupted?”

“He’s in the gym,” you replied. “I’ll be done with this by the time he’s finished anyway, I can ask him then. I told ZEN not to bother him.”

“It would take him all of two seconds,” Yangyang pointed out.

“It’s fine, really. I’ve got some guesses as to how they improved this slipdrive with Outspacer technology, I want to make sure I finish this before I read the new stuff and find out if I’m right.”

ZEN’s cube silently blipped back out of sight.

“You are like an information sponge.”

“I mean, I don’t have a whole lot else up here.” You tapped your forehead. “No memories. More room for information, right?”

“You read any stuff on robotics?”

“No,” you shrugged. “I mean, the stuff about the infirmary scanner mentioned it briefly, but it wasn’t about robotics, you know?”

“Why not?”

You looked up at him finally, chuckling as you said, “I mean, I also haven’t picked up a medical textbook, either. I hope I’m not offending Dejun.”

“I’m not offended,” Yangyang assured you. “Just asking. We found you somewhere with a robotics lab and a synthbio lab. Thought you might have gotten curious.”

“Oh, I mean, I guess not. Maybe one day.”

“With the rate that you consume knowledge? Probably.”

There was a certain glint in Yangyang’s eye in that moment, one that felt eerily familiar to how he was looking at you on the first day on Aegeum.

“Were you looking for me, Yangyang? Or were you going to use the observatory?” You questioned.

“Guilty. I was looking for you.” He was still smiling at you. “Do you mind if I run some diagnostics?”

“On… me?” You tilted your head, chalking his strange phrasing up to being a roboticist rather than a doctor. You laughed airily. “I appreciate the concern, but I was already checked out in the infirmary my first day on the Vision. Other than the amnesia, I’m fine.”

“In the full-body scanner?”

“Yeah, so everything’s just fine. Promise.”

“I just want to take a quick x-ray, really.”

His insistence put you off a bit, but you really saw no good reason to say no. After all, it would just tell you the same thing the infirmary scanner told you, that you were fine. So you bookmarked your place in the article, then clicked your tablet off. “Uhm… sure.”

You’d only been to Yangyang’s robotics lab twice in your whole two weeks on the Vision. Once, on the tour that Kun had given you on your first day, and the second time a few days later when you offered to bring him a cup of coffee from the newly refurbished coffee maker after mess.

The lab was probably one of the larger areas on the ship, about as big as the infirmary, but felt infinitely more cramped by all the stuff that Yangyang had fit into it. There were only a few areas to walk around in between tables and workstations and various contraptions that you didn’t touch for fear of jostling something in the exact wrong way. Unlike the lab on Aegeum, he didn’t have any partially-built robots here. In fact, there weren’t any robots on the Vision at all. It sounded like a miserable existence for a roboticist, but Yangyang made no complaints, and certainly seemed to find something to do to fill all his days on the ship. There was definitely stuff everywhere that looked like the beginnings or middles or pieces of projects, but how functional they were, you couldn’t tell. They certainly didn’t look like robots, nor could you spot a positronic brain anywhere, the thing that would make it a true robot, and not just an automated machine.

Yangyang brought you over to one of the machines, which was a large disc that you stepped under with two panels hanging down from it that went on either side of your head. He guided you to put your chin on a rest, adjusting it to fit your height comfortably.

He went to sit back at a nearby desk, typing a few commands into the computer that was there. “Alright, hold still.”

As the panels slowly rotated, you heard an occasional heavy thud at random intervals, almost like the sound of a camera shutter, but much deeper. At the same time that Yangyang announced that you were done, Kun stormed in, still wiping sweat off his face with a towel as he glared at his crewmate.

“What the hell are you doing, Lieutenant?” He demanded. “ZEN tells me Y/N’s busy getting an x-ray not in the infirmary, but in your lab? You bump your head and forget who you are too? You’re not the fucking doctor.”

“Right, yes, very true.” Yangyang held his hands up defensively. “But also… you should both take a look at this.”

You and Kun looked at each other, before hesitantly walking over to look at the screen.

That… didn’t seem quite right.

“Your machine’s broken, Liu,” Kun said.

“No, I calibrated it right before this.”

You peered closer at the image of your head on the monitor, at all the… glowing pieces. “It’s…”

“A positronic brain,” Yangyang confirmed. “That’s what an x-ray of a positronic brain looks like, outside of a metal head. And inside a human skull, presumably. Humanoid.”

It felt like someone had turned the slipdrive on again but magnified exponentially. All the air left your lungs—did you even need air?, you swore your heart stopped—was it even beating in the first place?, your stomach twisted in on itself—did you have one of those?, and your skin prickled in a scalding, white-hot discomfort, an all-consuming knowing that nothing would ever be the same again that hit you like a meteor. And you were frozen in the moment of impact, stretching out that crushing sensation for eternity.

You didn’t even want to look at Kun, didn’t want to know what sort of horror he felt at this realization. Didn’t want to see the look of abject disgust, betrayal, distress that must be there.

Yangyang finally spoke again, “I’m s—”

“Destroy the film.” Kun cut him off harshly. “ZEN! Erase your recordings. Delete everything.”

You and Yangyang had similar looks of wide-eyed bewilderment as you looked at Kun. The captain clenched his jaw as he stared down the roboticist. “Now, Liu!”

“Captain—”

“We can’t tell anybody. They’ll register her. She’ll be property,” he spat out, crossing his arms.

“You can register her under your name—”

“No. I won’t do that. She won’t be registered.”

“Cap—”

“Our story stays the same. We found a human on Aegeum with amnesia. Do you understand, Leiutenant?” Kun’s voice was strenuously calm, a sharp edge to it.

Yangyang gulped and nodded. “Sir, yes sir.”

“Destroy everything. Now. While I watch,” he demanded.

“Christ, you don’t trust me?”

“I do. I just need to be sure. I need to see it with my own two eyes.”

Yangyang did as he asked, in a strained, suffocating silence. You also watched as he made a few clicks, then confirmed the permanent deletion of the x-rays he’d just taken.

“ZEN!” Kun barked for the AI again. “Suspend the slipdrive.”

Yangyang blinked at him. “You’re suspending us in slipspace?”

“And you—”

“Are not going to say a fucking word to anybody. Sir, yes sir.”

Kun seemed at least somewhat satisfied with that. “Come on, Y/N.”

You hurried down the halls after him, barely trusting yourself to even breathe, much less say a word, before you were behind the closed door of your cabin.

“ZEN, blackout!” Kun ordered, already pacing. There was no response from the AI, confirmation that he had blacked out the incoming feed from your room. Kun ran a hand through his hair, then took a deep breath. “I suspended the slipdrive to buy us time and… there’s no way anybody can find you in here. Safest place in the Universe, outside of linear time.”

His gaze settled on you, intense, unwavering, so determined despite how little he knew.

“When he suggested… registering me. Under your name. That would be less risk, wouldn’t it? Than trying to hide what I am?” You said hesitantly.

“You’re not my property.” He shot back immediately.

“You don’t treat me like I am. I don’t believe that you would just because I’m registered as such. But what would happen to you if they found out you had an unregistered robot with you?”

It was the first time anybody—Yangyang, Kun, or you—had called you a robot, and you could tell that Kun had noticed, as his jaw tightened. But it was law that every robot had to be registered, whether to an individual or a governmental agency. There could be no ‘free’ robots, and having one in your possession was considered to be possessing contraband, which carried severe consequences.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Kun—”

“Because once you’re registered, that’s it. Even if to me, you’re not property, what happens when I die?” He thumped himself on the chest. “You’re not magically freed, Y/N. You just become someone else’s property.”

You sat down on the bed across from the one that you’d been sharing with Kun, that had remained empty these entire two weeks, a hollowness in your chest. “Oh. Right. You will die. And I...”

“God, Y/N…” Kun sighed, looking up to the ceiling ruefully. “What the fuck are we going to do?”

“Maybe Yangyang can help, with the amnesia,” you suggested. “Dejun’s been looking for a… natural reason for it. Maybe it’s not.”

He closed his eyes and nodded. “Okay, yeah.”

Back in Yangyang’s lab, you sat down nervously in the chair he had motioned you towards as Kun watched from a spot by the closed door. The roboticist picked up a small, flat disc from his counter, which looked almost like a silver coin, save for the soft red light that emanated from a triangle at the center. As he went to hold it up to your forehead, Kun started forward.

“What are you doing?” His words halted the other man’s motions, the disc hovering in front of your eyes.

“I need to run diagnostics on her. However, she doesn’t exactly have any buttons, or switches, or ports for me to use for access to her internal systems,” Yangyang replied bluntly. “Whenever a robot is built without external access to those sorts of things, they have to have a receiver to put them into stasis for work to be done. This should activate it, if she’s got one and I can find it. If she doesn’t have a receiver, it won’t hurt her, robot or human.”

“And you think the receiver would be in my head?” You questioned.

“Common practice is to put it at the front of the head or the back, if the robot has one. Need access to the brain.”

“Like where a neural port would go.”

Yangyang tilted his head curiously, but still made no further moves. He looked at Kun over his shoulder. “Can I proceed, Captain?”

He eyed the coin with distrust, but agreed anyway. “Yeah, fine.”

“If this works, Y/N, you won’t be able to move. You’ll be frozen in whatever position you’re in. You probably also won’t realize what’s happening until it’s over.”

“She’ll black out?”

“Not quite. She’ll be awake, but since I’ll be looking at her memory systems, she won’t retain anything. She’ll be unresponsive, and I imagine may only blink at consistent intervals so her eyes don’t dry out.”

You met Yangyang’s gaze. “Go ahead, Yangyang.”

The coin was placed against the center of your forehead first, cool against your skin, and Yangyang slowly slid it over your temple, then behind your ear and around to the base of your skull.

“Well, it’s nothing mechanical, it’s nothing with the alignment of her positronic brain,” Yangyang declared, suddenly across the desk from you, sat at his computer.

You blinked rapidly and sat up straighter, flexing your fingers and shifting your legs.

“Then what? She’s not lying.” Kun was next to you, and you looked between him and where he had just been over by the door. You didn’t remember him moving.

“Hey, Y/N, welcome back,” Yangyang smiled at you, drawing Kun’s attention back down to you as well.

“Are you okay?” Kun touched your shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you reassured him, patting his hand. “So, you ran the diagnostic tests, then?”

The roboticist gave you a thumbs-up. “Good news, the alignment of your brain is just fine.”

“She’s not lying,” Kun reiterated.

“I didn’t say she was.” Yangyang held his hands up defensively. “You’re familiar with the Three Laws of Robotics, Captain?”

“Of course. We had to be trained on how to interact with the robots and AI we would be deployed with.”

He then turned to you, “Y/N, do you know the Three Laws?”

You scrunched your nose as you tried to think, but just came up empty. “…No.”

“What?!” Kun blurted out.

“I think you do,” Yangyang replied knowingly.

You looked between them, panicked, “I’m—I’m not lying. I swear. I don’t know—”

“I know. I don’t think you’re lying. I think that if asked to list the Three Laws, as I just did, you would be unable to. Genuinely.”

“How would a robot even be built without the Three Laws?” Kun demanded. “That’s—That’s illegal. Impossible, the regulations—”

“You’re correct. It would be impossible. I’ll tell you the Three Laws, Y/N, working backwards. The Third is self-preservation. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second laws. The Second is obedience. A robot must obey orders given to it by a human, unless those orders conflict with the First law. The First is human safety. A robot may not, through action or inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. They’re all programmed into each and every robot’s positronic brains no matter their purpose or design.”

You nodded slowly. “So you’re saying that even though I didn’t know the three laws and couldn’t articulate them, I still have them programmed into me, and would have been following them anyway.”

“Correct.”

Kun paced a few steps away, rubbing his forehead. “I’m going to have a stroke.”

“I’m no robopsychologist, but I believe it’s the Second Law that we have to blame for your apparent amnesia,” Yangyang continued, ignoring the captain’s comment.

“Someone ordered her to forget she was a robot?”

“Yes, as well as everything else about her, for lack of a better word, life.”

“Why would somebody do that?” You asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

“I can’t think of a single good reason,” Kun muttered.

You glanced between them hopefully. “Can one of you just order me to remember, then?”

“Y/N, I ran diagnostics on your data bank,” Yangyang began gently, leaning forward in his seat. “The amount of information in there… it’s consistent with when your memory starts.”

“Oh… I see.”

“So…?” Kun prompted him.

“When whoever it was ordered her to forget, it wasn’t just to make the data temporarily inaccessible. It’s not there at all,” Yangyang clarified.

“They had her destroy it?”

“Or they moved it to an external storage device. Either way… it’s gone.”

“Oh, Y/N. I’m so sorry,” Kun’s voice was soft and pained as he walked back over to you.

“Even if it wasn’t, whoever gave her the order, at the time the order was given, would have been of a higher importance to her than either of us. She’d prioritize that order over any we gave now that would try to override it.”

“And it doesn’t matter at all what she wants?”

“The data isn’t there for her to attempt to retrieve, Captain,” Yangyang reiterated. “Positronic brains are incredible feats, and are in many ways, superior to ours. But unlike you and I, who have neuroplasticity, and no matter the extent of the damage, could have some nonzero chance of spontaneously recovering those memories… if her data wasn’t backed up externally, I’m afraid it’s unrecoverable.”

A pain like you’d never experienced suddenly erupted in your head, your hands flew up to grip at your temples, pushing them together as if your head itself was about to burst apart. You involuntarily let out a scream, squeezing your eyes shut as you cried out, “Oh my god, my head!”

“Y/N!” Kun’s hands on your arms kept from entirely collapsing out of the chair and onto the ground.

“It… It hurts! Make it stop!” You yelled desperately, barely feeling the hot streams of tears as they poured down your cheeks.

“This happened on Aegeum, when we first found her. Whenever she’d try to remember stuff, she’d get headaches, but never like this,” Kun rushed to explain to Yangyang.

“You said it hurts?” Yangyang asked you.

“Didn’t you hear her? Fucking do something!”

“I am, I’m running diagnostics. Y/N, please. It hurts? Not that it’s overheating, or is misaligned, or is returning errors?”

“No, no, no!” You whined, clutching at your head as you shook it furiously. “It hurts! Feels like my head is exploding!”

“Oh. Come over here.” You were guided to somewhere else in the shop, then pushed into another seat, presumably. “Sit down.”

“What’s happening?” Kun asked.

“I think her head is exploding,” Yangyang said frankly.

“What?!”

“Y/N, stop trying to remember. Stop thinking about your past before you met Captain Qian. That’s an order.” Yangyang’s voice was firm, authoritative, cutting past all the white noise threatening to fragment your mind.

“What the hell, Liu?” Kun snapped.

Your hands fell from your head to your lap as the pain drifted away to nothing more than a memory, and you sat up, looking straight ahead. “Okay…”

In front of you, Kun grabbed Yangyang by the collar and jerked him away from you. “What the fuck was—”

“I’m going to choose my words very carefully to hopefully keep that from happening again.” Yangyang pointed to you. “Understand?”

“Fine.” Kun huffed, letting him go.

“I’ll need to run some more diagnostics; however, my theory is that her headaches are some kind of failsafe to prevent… investigating.”

“Well you can run your fucking diagnostics later, she’s going to rest.”

“Of course. My apologies, Y/N. I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t think it necessary,” Yangyang offered you an apologetic smile.

“It’s okay, Yangyang. Thanks for helping with… whatever that was.” You hesitantly mirrored his smile, unable to remember what was even happening to you before Kun grabbed Yangyang.

Kun offered you a hand, his voice soft as he suggested, “Come on, do you want to lay down?”

You put your hand in his, letting him help you to your feet. “I think that’s a good idea, yeah.”

Your limbs still felt heavy and your thoughts sluggish with sleep, but you groaned and rolled over nevertheless, surprised when you didn’t bump into anybody. Pushing yourself up onto an elbow, you opened your eyes, looking around the room for Kun.

He was standing by the dresser, and turned around upon hearing you stir. Kun walked over to sit on the other mattress across from you. “Morning. How’s your head?”

“I slept through mess last night?” You questioned, pulling yourself all the way up to sit against the pillows behind you.

“Yeah. I told the guys you were stuck in one of your articles, brought our dinner back here,” he indicated toward two bowls sitting on the desk, one empty with a spoon sticking out of it, the other covered, the spoon sitting atop the lid. “How’s your head?”

“Oh, fine. Did Dejun give you your injections?”

“I gave them to myself. The angle was a little awkward, but I didn’t want Xiao asking why you couldn’t.”

It was then that you saw the sheets he was sitting on were wrinkled and out of place, the pillow with a noticeable head dent in it, askew from its usual position. “You slept in the other bed.”

“I didn’t want to disturb you. You looked like you needed the rest,” he stated, his words kind, but you could see the unfamiliar stiffness in his body.

You sat cross-legged to face him. “You’re debating the ethics of continuing our relationship after witnessing the effect a direct order had on me yesterday.”

“Well…”

“It’s not unreasonable. It also wouldn’t be unreasonable for you to question if a robot can even love.”

“Y/N…”

“It’s understandable, Kun,” you reiterated, sincere.

“Look, I just don’t want you to be doing this because you think saying no would hurt me. You don’t need to worry about inflicting that kind of harm.”

“You think this is all from the First Law?”

“I don’t know, is my point,” he stressed.

“Kunhang flirted with me first, shouldn’t I have ended up with him then, by your logic? According to the First Law? To not hurt him and the clear advances he was making on me?” You didn’t mean for your words to come out as harshly as they did, but you could feel the bitterness on your tongue coating them as they left your lips.

“I don’t know,” Kun repeated.

“I can’t prove to you that what I’m feeling is real. Or that I’m feeling anything at all. I don’t even know what that means. I mean, how do you know that you’re feeling things? That you’re feeling them ‘right?’” You argued.

“I-I just do. Sometimes I feel them in my body, too. My heart starts beating faster, my face gets warm, my fingertips tingle, my stomach feels funny, my chest hurts.”

“That sounds like you should see Dejun.”

“Maybe, it’s chronic at this point. Been happening for a few weeks now.”

You shot to your feet, “Kun! Oh my G—”

“Love. I was describing love,” he finished.

“Oh.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

You sat back down, staring at your feet with what you could only describe as righteous anger. Kun said he loved you, and it was marred by this realization, by a debate of if you knew what that meant, if you could even reciprocate, if it was even ethical for him to feel this for you in the first place. Clenching your jaw, you took a deep breath before picking your head back up to look at him, “There is nothing I could do to objectively prove that what I feel for you is love, Kun. There is also no way for me to say that I love you in the same way a human does. I don’t know what that’s like. But the best I have to offer you is that when it comes to you and our relationship, it feels distinctly different than when I was given that order.”

“How did that feel? The order?” Kun asked.

“It overrode everything I was thinking and doing in that moment. I-I mean, I was about to say I’ve never experienced anything like it, but I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry Liu did that, but it was life or death. Your life or death.”

“I trust you guys.”

“I— That’s what I mean.” Kun was suddenly on his feet.

“What?”

“You’re not even a little bit upset? That he did that to you?”

“He saved my life and you’re expecting me to be pissed at him?” You replied incredulously.

“I don’t know, even a little violated? Whether he was justified or not, you don’t feel uncomfortable? That you went through that? And somebody who you thought was your friend knowingly, completely took away your free will?” His voice was gaining volume and fervor as he spoke, and he couldn’t seem to stand still.

“I didn’t say any of that,” you said firmly. “All I said was that I trust you guys. You’re the one assuming I’m being docile and passive.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” He crossed his arms, seeming to deflate in front of your very eyes. “I’m sorry.”

He then grabbed something off the desk that you couldn’t see. Walking back over to you, he pressed a small, flat, cool coin of metal into your hand.

“Here,” he murmured.

You looked at the object in your palm, at the soft red glow emanating from the center. “This is the…”

“Positronic Allen key that Liu used to…” He trailed off. “You should be the only one on this ship who knows where that thing is. Not Liu, not me.”

You wrapped your fingers around it. “Thank you, Kun.”

“It’s time for mess,” Kun announced abruptly. “I’ll go get our food.”

“I’m okay, I can go with you,” you said, then paused with realization. “Unless there’s a reason you don’t want me to.”

“You’re not under house arrest or anything, Y/N. I just think it’d be easier—”

“If nobody saw me? What would you say? I’m still reading? I’m sick? Then Dejun would definitely want to come check on me.”

He rubbed his face. “Fuck, you’re right.”

“I’ll go to breakfast. Won’t mention I’m a robot. Humanoid. Whatever.”

And so you and Kun went to breakfast. Kunhang and Ten were already in there, as they usually were, being in charge of the meals. Kunhang took a long sip of his cup of coffee before nodding appreciatively.

“Good stuff, Y/N,” he lifted the mug in your direction from where he was leaning against one of the counters.

“And Wong hasn’t broken it again since you fixed it,” Ten added.

“Good to hear it’s still functional,” you replied, taking your usual seat around the table.

“I think you improved it, actually,” Kunhang mused, taking another sip.

Dejun came in then, still looking half-asleep, practically falling into his chair and dropping his head into his arms. He said something that was muffled by the table.

“What was that, Xiao?” Kunhang asked, handing Ten the first plate for him to start dishing up the food.

“I’m going to kill Liu,” Dejun pulled his face out of his arms to deadpan. “Kid sleeptalked for four hours last night. I was about to smother him.”

“Earplugs?” You suggested.

“First thing I tried. Barely lower it to an indiscernible mumble.”

Ten asked over his shoulder, “Did he at least say anything good this time?”

“No. He was just saying some crazy shit about those people-robots from Aegeum again.” The doctor ran two hands through his hair, making his bedhead stick up even more.

You froze for a moment, noticing that Kun also tensed as Dejun kept ranting about his roommate.

“First it was a bunch of jargon about people-robots and positronic brains and whatever the fuck. Then he said something about the robot not remembering it was a robot, which, like, I think is literally impossible?”

Kunhang laughed, “How would that work? I’m not going to get amnesia and wake up one day and think I’m a Skipper.”

“Hey, Y/N,” Ten called for you, also cracking a smile. “Do you think we could’ve convinced you that you were a K’llor if we tried? When we found you in the shelter?”

You chuckled lightly, tapping your fingernails on the table. “Probably not. Don’t really look like them, you know?”

Yangyang walked in then, looking about as worse for wear as Dejun. He collapsed into his chair, lolling his head back as he groaned, “I’ll marry whoever gets me a coffee of cup right now.”

“No, you do not get the first cup after keeping me up with your sleeptalking for four hours straight,” Dejun snapped.

“Ever heard of earplugs?”

“I should’ve smothered you with your pillow last night, you ungrateful little—”

You grabbed Dejun’s shoulders before he could lunge across the table and very possibly strangle Yangyang right then. After less-than-gently pushing him back down in his chair, you stood up, offering, “I’ll make both of you a cup, if neither of you marries me or kills each other. Sound good?”

They grumbled something that sounded enough like an agreement that you headed towards the coffee maker, setting two mugs side-by-side and starting the two cups to brew simultaneously.

The Professor came into the kitchen last, as usual, looking around with hopeful eyes. “Coffee?”

Kun didn’t say a single word through breakfast, very clearly on edge as he maintained a death grip on his utensils, and shot Yangyang a warning look with every mention of robots, or positronic brains, or any technology at all. Which made for a very uncomfortable breakfast, considering that was seemingly the only thing that everybody wanted to talk about this particular morning, presumably due to Dejun’s complaints of the roboticist’s sleeptalking.

When you were done with your food, you rushed to excuse yourself from the suffocating atmosphere. “I was in the middle of something—”

“Oh, Y/N!” Ten caught your attention before you could fully leave, though. “Did you want to see the slipdrive today?”

“Sure, Ten, uhm, later?” You requested. “I started a good article on water filtration and irrigation in ag bubbles this morning. Would you mind if I finished it first?”

“No rush. We’re stuck here for another two weeks.”

“Thanks.”

Back in your room, you brought out your tablet, rummaging through the files stored in the Vision’s server to find the ones from the most recent mission on Aegeum. Specifically, ZEN’s archiving of all the Outspacer glyphs that the crew encountered. You pulled up the ones from the info panel on the ag bubble, at the only three glyphs that weren’t fully translated.

Person-machine-move. People-robots.

The door to your cabin opened again, and you didn’t even greet Kun, still staring at those glyphs, trying to make any additional sense of them with what you knew now about yourself.

“I’m the proof, aren’t I?” You looked back at Kun.

He slowed to a stop a few steps back from you, clearly at a loss for words. “I…”

“Positronic brain in a human skull. That’s what Yangyang said. Humanoid.” That was from before you were in the diagnostics stasis, and before the order, you could remember it all.

“Yeah, that’s what he was saying when he was… running diagnostics.”

You looked back at the tablet, quickly pulling up the emergency manual for a partial scrub. “We didn’t leave Aegeum without finding the proof of concept, you guys found it on your first day.”

Preserved in a safety shelter, with no recollection that you were the proof, or even an inkling that you were not human. Safety mechanisms. Your head was hurting.

When you turned to Kun again, you saw his eyes were shining, and he put the back of his hand over his mouth as he seemed unable to form any words. You felt an ugly hatred in you as you looked at him. Not a hatred for him, but for the situation that you two were in, that had broken the seemingly unshakable captain down to misty-eyed silence, to such uncertainty. You couldn’t even hold him to comfort him without making him feel even worse, like he was taking advantage of you by you offering your affection willingly. The tablet in your hands still displayed the directions from Aegeum. Only the Admiral and the Research Director can order a scrub. You understood Kun celebrating Dr. Yoon’s death, as you wished very much in that moment for him to have never existed.

“I want to apologize for something, and I know it’s not my fault, but I don’t know how else I could possibly make you feel better,” you stated hoarsely, unaware of exactly when your throat became that parched.

Kun look at you with clear confusion on his features. “What are you talking about?”

“I was created by him. By the man who… did what he did to you. How could you not hate me too? Suspect the worst of me?”

He shook his head quickly. “Y/N, no. Remember what you told me? He didn’t create me or you—”

“You have parents. A life before him. That’s objectively true,” you cut him off. “I was built. There’s concept sketches and blueprints and multi-phase procedural experiments of me. In his lab.”

“And none of that is your fault.”

You got to your feet, meeting Kun’s pleading gaze steadily. “Maybe you’re right, Kun. We need time. I don’t think you’ve thought this—me—all the way through.”

Dejun found you on the observatory deck, hugging your knees to your chest and staring down through the glass bottom of the ship at the inky blackness beneath you.

“Hey.” He stood next to you.

“Hi.” You didn’t even try to conceal your sullen tone or glum features from him.

The doctor eased himself down to sit across the glass panel from you. “I know there’s no point beating around the bush with you, so: What’s going on with you and the captain?”

“You’ve noticed something is different.”

“Yeah, breakfast felt a bit… off.”

“I can’t… say too much.”

“That’s alright. I was just checking on you. I’m your friend, Y/N.”

You rested your cheek on one of your knees, piecing together your words in your head first before you said them. “Kun isn’t sure if we should continue our relationship.”

“What? He said as much? In so many words?” Dejun clearly wasn’t expecting that.

“More.”

“Did he say why?”

“Yes…”

Dejun took your hesitance in stride, following up with another question, “Are you able to tell me why?”

You once again had to muse on what to say for some time before you spoke. “He thinks that due to… circumstances… I didn’t have much say in the matter.”

“Yeah, no shit,” he snorted. “None of us do. We’re on a black ops mission deployed for an indefinite amount of time, all of us selected specifically because we had no family in case it went bad, and doing some incredibly shady things for the government. I don’t know how he can possibly be using any normal dating metrics right now. But anybody who just watches the two of you can tell that you’ve gotten something good, really good, out of whatever the fuck we’re doing. Love, connection, partnership, whatever you want to call it.”

A faint, bittersweet smile tugged at the corner of your mouth. “Thank you. I think that too. I don’t think it’s just… infatuation or an obligation or whatever he’s afraid of. But I also can’t remember ever being in love before, or infatuated before, so I wouldn’t know the difference.”

“He doesn’t get decide if you’re in love or not. That’s stupid. I don’t care how noble he thinks he’s being.”

“I… also have my own reservations, to be fair to him. This situation isn’t entirely his doing,” you added.

“You think he has a point? You did kind of get with the first guy you laid eyes on after losing your memory…” Your friend said.

“Kun had a helmet on when I met him,” you reminded him with an eye roll. “The first one of you whose face I saw was Kunhang, actually.”

“That’s true.”

“But no, that’s not my concern.”

“So what is it? I’m assuming you want to talk about it, since you brought it up.”

“I don’t think he’s… letting himself really see all of me. The good and the bad. I don’t want him to fall in love with this fake version of me that he’s convinced himself is true, then one day wake up and realize who I actually am and decide that I’ve changed and hate me for it.”

“You’ve got amnesia,” Dejun arched an eyebrow. “Kind of a big problem if he’s already ignoring the few things we do know about you.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been as honest as possible with him, but he just makes excuses.”

Your friend sighed and leaned back against the bench that was behind him. “I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix all your problems, Y/N. Make the captain stop being stupid, make everything make sense for you. You’ve been through enough.”

“I appreciate the thought, Dejun.”

“Liu and I have got a spare bunk, you’re welcome to it any time. You’ll have to put up with the kid’s sleeptalking, of course, but…”

“Thanks,” you actually smiled this time, remembering their spat over the sleeptalking that happened just an hour ago. “We both agreed to take some time to think.”

“If you show up to our cabin at bedtime tonight, no questions asked, I promise. I’ll smother the kid myself.”

“It sounds like you’re just looking for an excuse to kill Yangyang at this point,” you laughed.

“Whatever it takes,” he joked, cracking his knuckles.

⇢ next | series masterlist | blog masterlist

[steddiecameraroll]

This is Supposed to Be My Damn Year

52,151 words | Rating E | Eddie 1st person POV; pre- and post- S4

[snippet ↓]

“Eddie?” Dustin comes huffing over to me and stands there with a bright smile. This damn kid, he’s lucky he’s special.

“Sup?” I nod and pretend with all my might that I am casual as hell and that I don’t feel like a ball of jittery nerves. Which obviously I am. I’m standing in Steve Harrington’s house while he’s looking at me, not two feet away. This is the worst.

“You made it. I thought you were gonna ditch us.”

“Yeah, probably why you made The King here call me.”

“Please stop calling me that.” Steve’s voice is confident yet quiet.

I whip my head over to look at him because I’m surprised he’s saying anything. Does he not like being called The King anymore? That’s news to me. He had worn that crown proudly previously.

“Are you no longer royalty, Harrington? Doth my ears hear correctly? Are you nothing but a lowly peasant now? Like one of us?” I motion between myself and Dustin because clearly, Dustin is a nerd, not a King.

“I’m-I’m just Steve. Steve is fine.” He dares to roll his eyes at me and then walk away. I watch him amused and a little confused but at least amused.

“I told you, he’s not that guy anymore,” Dustin whispers as he steps closer.

“Sure, so you say, Henderson. We will see. So who’s here? What are we watching? Where are the fancy snacks?” I rub my hands together because snacks at a rich kids’ house are chef’s kiss perfection. They usually have Squeeze-its or Twinkies or different Doritos. If I have to endure hours in this massive hellscape, I will eat my weight in expensive snacks.

Dustin leads me through the entrance of this weird house and to the kitchen. There are a couple other people in here, including Robin Buckley. Why is Robin Buckley at Steve Harrington’s house?

“Eddie?” She’s looking at me how I imagine I am looking at her, very confused.

“Robin? What are you doing here?”

“You two know each other?” Dustin points between us surprised to see I know anyone other than him.

“Yeah, I know more than those of you in Hellfire. Robin and I are in band. So why are you here?”

“I’m…” She looks as if her brain has short-circuited and can’t compute language. 

“Her and Steve are best friends. I don’t know why they’re not dating, but anyway.” 

“What?” Yeah, I definitely walked through a parallel universe. What is Dustin talking about? How could The Hair be best friends with a trumpet-playing hyperactive nerd girl who I’m pretty sure is a little… y’know…fruity. Actually, that’s probably why they’re not dating. Oh, so Dustin doesn’t know that part. “You’re friends with The Hair?”

“The Hair? Ughh, don’t call him that.” She scrunches her face in disgust.

“Ok, I have to ask this out loud because I feel like I’m losing my mind. Did I walk through a wormhole?” I’m waving my hands in front of me, looking back and forth between Robin, Dustin, and, oh god, Nancy Wheeler. “What are you…? What is happening here?” Ok, so this is weirder than I even imagined it to be.

“We’re all friends,” Robin says so matter-of-factly that I almost take her at her word.

“How?” But my skepticism wins out.

I see a look between Nancy and Robin that clearly has some meaning behind it, but I have no idea what it is. Dustin is also giving them a knowing look. So yeah, something has happened between these so-called friends, and I wonder if I walked into an orgy. Is this an orgy? No, no, there are children here, that’s not it, ew, no. Wait, did Steve and Nancy split up because Nancy is with Robin? Oh, that could be entertaining.

“Just normal ways.” Does Nancy think that answer was sufficient? She stands there awkwardly, crossing her arms and avoiding making eye contact. So no, she knows that was bullshit.

“I’m sorry, but I need one of you to fully explain at least a fraction of what the fuck is going on. Henderson, I’m looking at you, kid. Because you were the one that begged me to come here. So it’s on you, kiddo, to fill me in.” I cross my arms and glare at him. Show time, Dusty.

“Why are you all standing in the kitchen?” Steve interrupts the moment, and everyone seems to be relieved. They shouldn’t, though, because I’m not letting this go.

“Because, Harrington, they’re explaining how you all are friends. And you’re somehow best friends with Robin Buckley? Your ex-girlfriend is standing in your kitchen as if that’s normal, and Dustin Henderson speaks so highly of you that you’d think you went to war together.”

Dustin starts choking on his soda and almost spits all over me. I wipe my hands over my jacket front and grimace at the bodily fluids.

“Sorry,” he shamefully bows his head and steps away from me.

“Robin and I worked at Scoops Ahoy together at the mall before it burned down. We kinda went through some shit during the fire, so we bonded. Also, wearing a sailor uniform during that whole thing can feel war-like.”

I forgot about the mall fire. I didn’t realize Steve or Robin had been involved. Shit, that’s some massive trauma-bonding experience.

“Wow, wait, sailor uniforms?” I look between them, hoping one of them will crack. “Do you still have these uniforms? Because I think if I could see this whole scenario, maybe it would help me understand.” Do you think it’s working?

“No…” Robin speaks first.

“Yes…” Steve interrupts.

Everyone in the room turns and stares at him. I don’t think I could even wipe the smile off my face. Oh god, yes, please go put it on. I need to see The King in a fucking sailor uniform. Not because I love a man in a uniform, but yeah, but no, because how the mighty have fallen. Also, a sailor uniform? So like a hat and shit? Did he wear those giant wide-legged white pants? What kind of uniform was this? How did no one tell me Steve Harrington was working at an ice cream shop that I could’ve gone to and seen in fucking person? No one. Not a soul ever shared this information. I need better friends.

“You do not,” Robin exclaims.

“Yeah, I do.” He says so nonchalantly like obviously he does.

An evil grin spreads across my lips, and I can’t help myself. “Please, oh, please, Harrington, prove her wrong.” I slowly lick my bottom lip because I’m only a man, and the person in front of me is very hot. Sure, I hate him, but I can appreciate the beauty.

He smiles, he fucking smiles, then rolls his eyes and shakes his head. Oh god, I need to get out of here, or by the end of this night, I might actually like this dick, not just his dick.

“Maybe next time you’re invited, and I don’t have to call you to remind you to show up.” 

Is he flirting with me? I look at everyone else in the room, hoping one of them will tell me if Steve Harrington is flirting with me. But, unfortunately, none of them are paying attention. Oh my god. Is he flirting with me? I think I’m having a heart attack.

“Come on, dingus, where are your snacks?” Robin pokes Steve in the chest and starts opening cabinet doors.

“Dingus? She’s allowed to call you dingus, but I can’t call you King?” I can’t stifle the laugh that bubbles from my chest, and I’m having too much fun for my own good.

This is going to be something I remember forever. I would write about this night for days if I had a diary. Cute little pink diary with a tiny little lock that is easily broken but holds all my deep dark secrets of this weird fucking night.

Read more on ao3 👀

[ninyard]

Just read your "final match" twitter reaction post (Its great btw <3) and you know? you have absolutely right that they would cut the match not letting more people see riko openly trying to commit Andrew's "better luck next time" but on much more bigger scale and on Neil's head not his ribs, but to be honest i was kinda excited how your genius mind would show fans being like "Hey did i forget to take my meds today or did Riko really tried to murder Neil Josten?? pls somebody respond there is no video online have i gone mad???" and others being like " hey.... was i a fan of psychopat? is my top boy.... evil? oh my god"

Yeah thanks TSC for coming out like a few days after that and ruining my idea :/ because I really like the idea of fans seeing like a second or two of something happening and then. Immediately all broadcasts are cut off.

It cuts back to presenters back in the studio that aren’t ready to be back on camera yet. Or maybe there’s nobody even IN the studio yet. Maybe the audio is a bit delayed and there’s Riko’s scream while the broadcasters are scrambling to cut the audio/output from the stadium. I don’t think it would’ve stayed on the screen for longer than a second or two though.

Like instead imagine everyone at home streaming/watching it live being left with silence. Ended feeds. Channels cutting right to an ad break because there’s nobody ready to fill the silence. Anyone who was watching sitting there like ????? What the hell just happened ??????

[thegoldencontracts]

Cruel Rejection

Summary: After a long time of suppressing his feelings in fear of mockery, Azul finally musters up the courage to ask you on a date. And yet, you manage to make his fears come true.

Notes: Azul I'm sorry bbg-

Azul loved you since the day you two met. He really didn't know why, and in hindsight, it was the worst decision he'd ever made, but he did. His heart seemed to beat a thousand times faster around you, his mouth going dry.

He'd always had a suspicion you held distaste for him, though, and so he kept quiet. That was a good decision. One he seriously regretted not sticking to.

Alas, he'd allowed himself to be persuaded, allowed himself to waver and foolishly act with reckless abandon with the desire for a happy ending.

"Well then, I was wondering if you'd be interested in a date, dearest-"

"Oh my God," you said. "Just shut up."

Azul's eyes widened.

"P-Pardon?"

You looked at him with such distaste one would think he was a cockroach, rolling your eyes as you took a sip of your soda. The vast expanse of the room was beginning to feel rather intimidating.

"Do you actually think for one second I'd wanna date you?" You said with a dismissiveness that stung so greatly any amount of rage would've been preferable.

"I- if you'd please let me finish-"

"You're delusional," you said. "Why would I ever want to date you? You're always pestering me, painfully short-tempered, and your looks-"

You gestured to his appearance vaguely, not even bothering to say anything.

"Point taken, I suppose," he said, uncertain whether he wished to sound amicable or cold. Really, what did he expect? He'd just handed himself to you on a silver platter. Of course you'd take the chance and rip him to pieces.

That's what they all do, a voice called from inside his head. Haven't you learned your lesson yet?

"Yeah, well, take the point and get out. And while you're at it, don't speak to me again," you said, shooing him away.

Azul didn't quite know what to do, what to say. You'd just attempted to rip him to pieces, hadn't you? Did you truly deserve such easy peace?

"Yes, yes," he said, voice turned cold. "I'll leave you be permanently, just like all your other companions do upon no longer being able to put up with you."

You snarled, an anger in which Azul relished as he headed for his room. Good. You deserved it. You'd underestimated Azul, anticipated that he'd simply cry upon hearing your insults like some child, and, well-

The moment Azul locked the door to his room, tears sprung up within his eyes. You were right. He was driven to tears by nothing but words. How pathetic.

He'd have to stay away from you from now onwards, perhaps get vengeance to appease himself, but not much interaction other than that. It was quite the lovely plan indeed.

But for now, sadly, Azul couldn't work on his scheme. For now, all he could do was sob into his pillow, the feeling of self-loathing washed all over him.

Meanwhile, you couldn't help but wonder if your turning down was too harsh. Had it actually gotten to Azul? You couldn't help but feel bad in spite of yourself - you did love him, after all. But really, maybe you should've been-

No, no. You shook yourself out of that train of thought. This weird pity wouldn't do at all. Azul was the one who'd so cruelly toyed with your heart.

Azul deserved it for pretending to have feelings for you, after all.

[camellcat]

you guys I'm losing my MIND

I have NEVER seen this sort of thing in any other fandom I've been in and I LOVE IT

[actual-changeling]

gritting my teeth, smiling, swallowing my emotions so hard i'm making myself nauseous: yeah im coping great with my bpd haha

[arklay]

DANI HAINES x CLAIRE REDFIELD / template.

[cinnamon-notes]

i have been ghosting my friends for idk a month??? and they have been doing the same??? except for when we meet in a workplace cuz somehow our jobs decided to cross over :)

[cantarella]

I used to not even like ratio that much but everyone keeps getting his characterization so wrong I keep defending him so now I've grown to like him bc nobody else will do him justice

[this-doesnt-endd]

I still find it kinda wild that after 1 psych eval they immediently put me on antipsychotics

[ipreferfiction]

[WILD SPACE: ZAKUUL]

Zakuul was a planet located in Wild Space that served as the capital planet of the Eternal Empire. A significant portion of its southern hemisphere was covered in a massive ocean, and most of the planet's terrestrial surface was taken up by bogs and swampland. The Endless Swamp was chief among these, named by native Zakuulans for its size and filled with a variety of foreign creatures which had adapted to Zakuul and by the native iknayid, a species of arachnid. Like Odessen, the planet was a Force nexus in which light and dark hung in balance. The planet was orbited by two moons.

Zakuul's first known contact with the wider galaxy was made by the Builders of Iokath, who likely brought humans and the non-native flora and fauna later found there to Zakuul. Their intention was to use the planet as a testing ground, but with the collapse of their civilization, knowledge of the Builders was eventually lost, and the only remnants left on Zakuul were in the Eternal Fleet, the Eternal Throne, and the Gravestone. Over the following centuries, Zakuulan society grew to worship the Old Gods - remnants from Iokath society - and Vitiate, upon discovering Zakuul's potential, declared himself the Demon Savior prophecied to destroy these gods and named himself Eternal Emperor of Zakuul.

By the time of its war with the wider galaxy, Zakuul was a technologically advanced utopia for most of its citizens, who were completely removed from conflict and consequences. The center of Zakuulan civilization was the Spire, atop which sat the Eternal Throne from which Valkorion, and later two of his children, ruled as emperor. Valkorion was viewed as a god-emperor by his people, as he discouraged the Old Ways and the worship of the six gods in an effort to turn Zakuul into a cult of worship for his use. Several cities branched off from the Spire, though most of the planet remained undeveloped. Following the Second Battle of Odessen, Zakuul formally became part of the Eternal Alliance.

[naggingatlas]

i looove putting spark over songs about like heroes and saving the world (tom cardy's 'level clear', uncle outrage's 'saved the world' <- nice voice hc for him!. and 'my superhero movie'.) when he like. Did. Not : ) funney.

[adammilligan]

wait sooooo how many years WERE there in between the creation of michael and the creation of lucifer. how many years did michael spend being the only one of his kind. maybe that's why he's so distant about it when it comes to any love he has for the other archangels. none of them or the angels for that matter have ever known what it is to be alone like that. michael might not have been actually alone because god and the darkness were there and maybe he wouldn't even recognize the loneliness for what it was back then because it was all he ever knew and he had nothing else to go off of and he WAS created to be a good soldier and loyal son so maybe it never even occured to him. but maybe after everything when it's just him and adam down in the cage and all the other archangels are dead he's like ah. so that's what that was

[onepiexe]

my god. yesterday was a day.

[dredshirtroberts]

i did the biggest and scariest of the things on my list (the last thign on my list in fact) and it took like. MAYBE 5 minutes total including login time navigation and page loading.

now i get to have fancy Oreo Poptarts because i'm a big strong boy whose knee is slightly dislocated (it's fine i just went too hard and i'll wrap it up here in a minute) and did a big scary thing and also now gets to fully devote brain power to anxiety about the (potential) hole between two of my heart chambers and the accompanying doctor's appointment tomorrow morning.

[be-good-to-bugs]

maybe i WILL get to move back home