#this is gonna be queued for like an hour or two out bc i just posted something and want that to get attention

[front-facing-pokemon]

[kittycowboy]

The meower

[m1d-45]

hello mushroom anon here,

I was watching wendigoons video on the Mandela catalogue and he recounts that in the 3rd or 1st episode you have a guy that has an encounter and his alternate in his house, the guy locks himself in his room and calls for help.

at first he calls the police and belives them when they tell him that help is on the way and that everything will be okay (no it won't)

when he realizes that they're not coming, what does he turn to? prayer

he begins to pray and repeat his prayers to god. we see in his note book that he turned completely to religion to save him.

for his god to save him.

but nobody came.

it is only then that he shoots himself and his alternate flashes into frame only then to show us his censored body.

something that we haven't discovered was the possibility of this disease to...take people away from their god. their one true source.

now all you gotta do is plug in one of your most devoted acolytes and watch them suffer.l, slowly losing their faith along with their mind.

I, myself am partial to zhongli

-🍄 (how's ur day going? I hope you got enough sleep <3 what if I make a home cooked meal for the dinner/p)

OK HI i’m gonna merge this ask and your other one into one post bc i don’t wanna flood dashes again

ok right off the bat i too am partial to zhongli so he’s my example!! ft. alternate! xiao and your other prompt

he’s holed up in his ‘hoard’ room, a rosary clutched to his chest as he kneels before his personal altar. he traces his claws around the beads in his hand, reciting prayers and trying to find comfort in the geo resonating in the room. jewels and precious stones, antiques hes collected over the years, everything he used to find comfort and solace in now buzzing uncomfortably beneath his skin.

the demon at his door beats, the frame rattling, carved wood- he’d polished it himself, he remembered wiping down the subtle gold inlays, the little notes of his element that were invisible to some but a beautiful reminder to him, now dented and scratched and ruined by the thing inside his home.

his heart picked up, in anger or fear he didn’t know.

“mooraax…” the thing drawled, a claw dragging over his hard work. everything he’d worked for, all of time he’d spent to perfect his collection, now turned to dust-

“morax?”

his breath hitched at the sound of xiao’s voice beyond the door.

it wasn’t him.

he’d watched him get taken, watched the dark, too-long fingers wrap around the last yaksha as he cried.

it wasn’t him.

the geo around the room seemed to taunt him, the resonance reminding him that even as a god, he couldn’t protect the one he’d come to see as family.

“why did you let me die?” ‘xiao’ asked, and zhongli squeezed his eyes shut.

it wasn’t real.

it wasn’t real.

the ancient jade dagger on the shelf to his right buzzed within his soul.

“why didn’t you save me?”

it wasn’t real.

his claws slipped and he smelled copper, the blood of a god spilling. he blinked, trying to wipe it off his rosary, only to lock on the beads.

his god… the creator…

would they create such demons?

“what did i do wrong, rex lapis?”

would his god allow such monstrosities?

“haven’t i followed you diligently?”

…was there a ever even a god to begin with?

the jade blade was lifted from the shelf.

‘xiao’ smiled, moving his hand to the doorknob, the smell of iron thick in the air.

[birdiewriteslit]

i love everything you write so so much! 🫶💗would you consider writing more for warren? maybe a pt 2 to the engagement or honestly literally anything, i just love him but not a lot of people write for him LOL

yeah, i can totally do that! the lack of djats fanfics is criminal lol (also sorry it took a bit to respond. i’m still recovering and i had this queued to post yesterday and it just like didn’t?? so i’m begging with tumblr for that)

“summer wedding”

warren rhodes x fem!reader

part 2 to “engagement”

disclaimer last time i went to a wedding i was five years old so i’m making shit up also i don’t care if it doesn’t fit the show timeline bc i can’t be bothered to do research

kinda short and not proofread

You glanced anxiously out the open window. Gray clouds were beginning to fill the sky as the breeze picked up. You fidgeted with the ring on your finger while watching the waves become rougher.

“Would you sit still?” Camila said, trying to effectively braid your hair.

“Do you think it’s gonna rain?” You asked, still staring outside.

Camila turned her head to look at Karen for support, who sat on your bed. “Probably,” she said.

“Karen!” Camila scolded.

“What? I’m being honest.” She smoothed out her silk dress that matched Camila’s. “This is nice bedding, by the way. I really love what you’ve done with this place. Thank God he couldn’t convince you to live on that boat.”

You ended your staring contest with the ocean and met her eyes in the vanity mirror. “I compromised with a house on the water. It’s beautiful, but I am deathly afraid of hurricanes.”

“Well that’s unfortunate because it looks like one is upon us,” Karen said, reaching over to the nightstand for the champagne bottle. She refilled her glass and sipped it, looking smug.

“Are you drunk already?” Camila asked, a bit annoyed. “The wedding starts in an hour.”

“I sure hope not. You two are the only bridesmaids who are currently here. Not sure where Daisy is,” you said worriedly.

“She’ll show up later,” Camila assured, not sounding too confident herself. “And I’m not a bridesmaid, I’m the maid of honor.” She tied your hair off with a white ribbon and smiled proudly at you in the mirror.

Karen stood up from the bed and bent down to hug you from behind. She rested her head on your shoulder. “You look so beautiful, Y/n.”

You let a breathy laugh escape your lips as they drew into a wide smile. You brought your hand up to rest on her forearm. “Thank you, both of you. I’m so happy you’re here.” You felt your eyes well up unexpectedly.

Camila was quick to bring a tissue to your face. “Don’t go crying on us now,” she said, kneeling down to dab it under your eyes. “You know we’ll cry too.”

You laughed through your nose and smiled broadly. “I know.”

Karen pulled her arms away from your body to pat your shoulders. “Shall we get the dress?”

Camila nodded with excitement and rushed to the bathroom where your dress was hanging up. Karen followed close behind.

You turned to look at yourself in the mirror. You sniffled and wiped your nose with the tissue Camila left in your hand. God, you were so emotional.

Three weeks ago, Warren was proposing to you on the beach, and now you were going to marry him in the same spot. It felt like a dream. None of this felt real, but all of it was happening.

Karen and Camila came back to the room, Karen holding the dress, and Camila holding onto Daisy’s arm.

“Daisy!” you exclaimed. “You’re here.” You stood from your seat and pulled her into a hug.

“Of course, I’m here. What? Did you think I wasn’t coming?”

You grimaced. “Do you want me to answer that honestly?”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “No, I really don’t.”

Karen laid the dress out on your bed. Camila took Daisy’s dress off of the hanger and left the room with the other two women, closing the door behind them.

You removed your clothes and slipped into your wedding dress. The sleeves were long and were draped off the shoulders. The flowing skirt billowed onto the floor.

You stared at yourself in the mirror. “Camila!” you called.

She came rushing in seconds later. “What? Is something wrong?” A hand flew to her mouth. “Oh, my God. It’s so perfect.”

She grabbed your hands and whirled you around so she could take in the dress. “You are the most beautiful bride,” she said after a moment of studying the white fabric.

Her bright smile matched your own as she said, “Let’s go get you hitched.”

——————

The ceremony was better than you could have imagined. It was small, with only immediate family and close friends attending.

Chairs were set up on the beach in front of your new house. It was windy, but the breeze wasn’t chilling. You were still a bit concerned about the possibility of rain.

The moment you saw Warren down that aisle all your worries floated away. He looked astonishing in that white suit. He grinned at you like he knew you were nervous. He was too, but there was no doubt in his mind he was making the right decision when he saw you in that dress.

You said “I do” on the same sand he asked you to marry him on. The priest barely finished pronouncing you husband and wife before Warren was kissing you with a ferocity that made your knees weak.

You were overwhelmed with happiness during the reception. You almost burst into tears when Eddie and Camila gave their speeches.

Everyone was dancing around your backyard under the soft light of the lanterns decorating the sky.

It was so beautiful. Everything was perfect, and you were beyond ready to start the rest of your life with your husband.

[raceweek]

gonna be completely honest, i’ve found your silence on the ongoing genocide in palestine throughout this winter break confusing if anything else. i understand f1blr is a fun space to disconnect from things happening irl but it literally does not hurt to reblog even a single post acknowledging what’s been going on for months. and there’s no way to have missed it, unless you purposely go out of your way to considering how constantly online you are, but just know that it’s clear where you stand, as silence on such a case is a loud enough answer. we’re all ordinary people, no one expects you to donate or protest or give up your own place in the world, but to not even take a second during literal off-season when nothing of actual relevance is happening atm is… definitely a choice.

i shouldn’t feel the need to respond to this but i do bc i just need to make it clear that you do not know me. i exist outside of this blog. i have personal social media. personal conversations. personal work meetings. personal events. i have advocated. i have protested. i have donated. ​so to say that me not reblogging posts on my car blog makes it clear where i stand is just fucking. you do not know me. as for the ‘constantly online’ and it’s ‘literal off-season’ and ‘definitely a choice’ comments to make it appear like im whatever ur trying to infer. i spend twenty minutes a day on this blog maximum. if you look at my blog which you clearly do. you can work out i have five queued posts at the exact same time intervals every work day and i have done for over two years. the posts in my queue now have been queued for months. i have three waking hours a day total where im not working. i am barely on this blog bc i literally don’t have time. you do not know me

[jonnnysuh]

Never Not - Park Jinyoung

Pairing: idol!Jinyoung x gender neutral reader

Summary: Your bad day is turned around when your childhood best friend, Jinyoung, returns to your hometown and takes you on a tour of your favourite memories together.

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers

Warnings: suggested sexual experience

Word Count: 4.3k

Requested by: Anon

A/N: Hi guysssss. I took a small break from tumblr bc I got super busy with work. I haven’t written something like this in a while, but I actually loved how it turned out. I recommend listening to Never Not by Lauv to get into the mood <33

Effort was hard to make these days. Even the way you walked had an unmistakable slouch. Your exhaustive strides were just a shallow reminder that there used to be a hop in your step. Five more minutes and you were free from the shackles of work. Free to figure out what to make for dinner, and appease the gurgles of your stomach.The seconds on the point of sale system didn't seem to move fast enough as you folded the customer's final item and shoved it into a bag.

When you were a kid, no one told you how exhausting being an adult was, and thus it became something to look forward to. You were so caught up on getting that first kiss, sneaking out to go to parties, seeing people that your parents didn't approve of, that you didn't realize that life didn't slow down from there. It was like you blinked, and you were no longer 16. Instead, you were twenty-something perpetually feeling like life was just an endless pit of "what ifs" and building up the courage to make something of yourself. Another mindless "Have a good day." escaped your lips as you bid a customer bye for the nth time that day. You wondered how many of your years would waste away telling others to have a good day, when you yourself hadn't had one in a while.

You pressed your fingers against your temple to sooth a small growing headache. Working in retail for as long as you had, you knew that the s-curved line of people didn't stop for your discomfort. With a fake smile on your face, you welcomed the next few customers as your eyes wandered around the store looking for the person who was going to take over for the next hour. Fifteen minutes past the hour, your replacement finally came. Externally, you wanted to scream and ask them what took you so long? but you knew that would only make you as good as the worst customer. Graciously, you nodded at them, before walking away to the back room to fetch your things and head out.

...

You stood against the wall at the bus shelter shivering from the cool summer breeze that was disguising just how rapidly autumn was truly coming. Today probably wasn't the best day to forget your coat.  You rubbed your arms for warmth, taking micro footsteps in place.  The pain in your feet made you romanticize the comfort of the sturdy old bus seats as a place of rest. You felt your phone in your pocket vibrate, but you let it ring out. You were determined to get a seat on this bus. A deep sigh escaped you as you surveyed the density of the crowd on the platform- the ride home was definitely going to be longer than usual. When the bus arrived, you queued behind a long line of people. Your phone rang a second time, at this point the crowd was getting larger and you knew you weren't going to get a seat on this bus.

PRIVATE CALLER 

"Hello?" you pressed your phone to your ear. Sometimes your mother used phone booths to reach you, so you expected her voice to be on the other end of the line. "I'm offended I had to call you twice for you to pick up."  The voice was much deeper, and the delivery much more lighthearted than anything that would've came out of your mother.  The absence of a greeting was distinct and direct, but no matter, you knew exactly who this was.

You felt the tenseness of your shoulders drop with just the sound of this voice. "If I had definitely known it was you, I wouldn't have picked up, Mr. Private caller." you jest with the phone  pressed between your ear and the crook of your shoulder.

"You know, I was gonna suggest that I pick you up, but just for that comment, I change my mind."

You poke your tongue at your cheek, coyly. For all the changes that occurred in your life, for some reason you could depend on Jinyoung's quick wit and humour to hit the spot even after all this time.

"That's fine, I just finished work so I was thinking of just going home anyways."  You had no idea he was even back in South Korea. Last you heard, he was on tour somewhere in North America. More than that, you couldn't even remember when the last time you actually talked was. You were curious about what he was up to these days, but you you knew any hint of urgency in your voice would lead to incessant teasing on his part. The line progressed slightly, but you still didn't feel any closer to the entrance of the bus.

  "I'm about to get on a bus home." 

"Well, don't get on." 

"If I don't get on then you're gonna have to repay me for the fare I paid to even get here." You eyed the bus reaching its capacity, and stepped aside. You twisted your fingers in hope that he was being 100% serious, otherwise you were going to have to wait out for the 6:30pm bus.

"I can't believe the cost of your attention is only $2. Do better." the voice quipped. 

"Okay, Jinyoung I guess I'll just get on, then." you threatened, although you had no intention of boarding the departing bus.

"Fine, fine. I'll pay for your fare. Just wait for me."

...

The sky had darkened tenfold since you hung up from Jinyoung's impromptu call. The streetlights glowed gold against the lavender backdrop of the sky. You sat on the bus shelter bench, swinging your feet back and forth as you waited for him. If he took even a minute longer, you vowed to somehow become the president of the Park Jinyoung hate club. Of course, you wouldn't actually, but the idea became more appealing the longer you waited. 

You weren't one to go on spontaneous outings- at least not since your teenage years. Recently, you followed the strict routine of work, home, sleep, and to stray from it seemed pointless. But the fact that he even thought of you when he came back home to South Korea was still not something you could wrap your head around.

In the distance, a glow of headlights appeared, stopping perfectly adjacent to your bus stop. The window rolled down, and there appeared Jinyoung's face in all its glory. To say all the words in your vocabulary disappeared would be an understatement. A part of you doubted he would even follow through. Without missing a beat, he returned a look to you. "You just gonna stare at me, or are you gonna get in the car?"

...

Your backpack was sitting atop your lap, bouncing with the movement of the car. Jinyoung hung one hand over the steering wheel. The orange and purple of the sky twisting, and creating a brand new colour that only seemed to grace the skies at this hour. The music was unidentifiable, but the volume was low enough that you didn't even bother trying to figure it out.

"So what'd you do today?" he asked. 

"I worked, I told you that." you replied, matter-of-factly.

"And how was it?"

"I honestly can't tell the difference between this week and last week. Or even last month. Same old, same old. Annoying customers, stale lunch, forgot my jacket at home even though it's 15 fucking degrees outside." 

"Do you still work at that clothing store you started at when we were 20?"

  Your eyes shifted, following the ever-changing scenery of the highway. No idea where he was bringing you, and yet you were brought to comfort by Jinyoung's habits.  You knew he didn't have a drug deal, or a random party planned.  Jinyoung was always the type to be home before midnight. He was a self-proclaimed goody-two-shoes, but you weren't completely fooled. You knew he could bend the rules if it seemed to serve him.

  "That exact same one."

 "Anything else?"

  You looked at him, the shock settling in that he was really right next to you-- no longer just a figure on a billboard that you used to know. The changes of his physicality were subtle; his face was more defined, but his cheeks still carried the baby fat that had been there since childhood. The shadow of his facial hair loomed on his smooth skin. The mole on the top of his lip, not necessarily gone, but faded. He looked older, but the aura of his presence remained the same.

"And then I was dumb enough to get into a car with a stranger because he said he'd give me $2."

Jinyoung side eyed you, causing you to erupt in laughter. His glare was also unchanging. "Stranger? Your memory's fading already?" He shook his head disappointedly. "I thought you still had a few good years left."

  "Oh yeahhhhhh. Sorry Jinyoungie. Didn't recognize you with all the fame." you pinched and pulled on his ear- both things a relic of your grade school years. When you were kids, you never let him forget the age gap. Granted, it was only 3 days, but that gave you the freedom to refer to him however you pleased, while he was stuck with the honorifics.

As you let go, the curve of his ear flushed red. "OWW.” he cried, swatting your hand away. “You’re lucky I’m driving otherwise I would pull your hair.”

Being raised with Jinyoung meant that you were inseparable but kind of in the worst way. If Jinyoung got  a good mark on a test, his parents would immediately flaunt it to yours. If you wanted to sneak out, he was on your tail telling you to go back home. And if he knew you liked someone, then that person would know soon enough by the words of Jinyoung. All of that warranted ear pulling, and if you did something in retaliation he would pull your hair.

He was one of the few people in your life, who encapsulated a certain time of your life.  The time in your life when you were young, and the world felt so big and everything was possible.

  The car rocked back and forth as it shifted into the elevated ramp of a parking lot. Your eyes widened as you realized where you were.  He lingered in his seat before popping his seatbelt off and exiting the car. You followed him, swinging the passenger door open.

  "So you randomly called me because you wanted to hang out at the...convenience store?" you gestured to the old, orangey building. The bricks were chipped, and the fluorescent lights illuminated the outside through the big glass window.  You remember the days when you and Jinyoung would sit on the parking blocks and split a bag of chips until you were chased off the property by the owner. He pulled on the store door, pressing his back to it and letting you enter first. 

"Well, I wasn't going to come here until you started yanking my ears. That's when I knew you were hungry."

Without stopping, you weaved through the store until you reached aisle 3- the snack aisle had become a home to you and Jinyoung when you were growing up. In grade school, you were both fearful of what was beyond the boundaries of your home and school so you indulged in after school snacks at the convenience to talk about the latest happenings in your life. As you aged, it became the place of solace after exams, or the meetup location for last minute plans.

  He picked up a package of gummy worms, and shook them in your face. "Do you remember what happened the last time we ate theseeee?" Jinyoung smirked. For a moment, you were taken aback by how much he had grown. In your teens, you and Jinyoung met eye to eye. Now, you felt like you had to look up at him in order to be taken seriously.

  You crossed your arms, "Yeah, we ate them in the parking lot and you made me confess who I had a crush on." 

"Chan, right?" 

You nodded, with a sulk as you reminisced. "That wasn't fair."

 "Why? Do you still have a crush on him?" 

"I haven't thought about him in so long. You really think I'd have a lingering crush on a guy I haven't seen in years?"

Jinyoung shrugged, and shifted his feet. "You had a huge crush on him, though. You even stared at him like this." He rested his palm to his cheek, letting out a deep sigh while trying to maintain an enamoured expression. You snorted, hitting him on the chest. "You'd write his name all over your notebooks AND you bullied me into giving you one of my new ones." he added.

You let out a belly laugh. "And then I wrote his name all over that one too."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "They were premium quality notebooks. My aunt sent me them from the states!"

 "You had a kabillion of them. Besides, you pestered me for-like-ever to know who I liked, but you never even told me who you had a crush on." You grabbed the bag of gummy worms from his hand and placed it in your shopping basket. Your attention shifted, as you realized you should be in search of your favourite chocolates. You knew that you were far too old to be eating junk food for dinner, but there was something familiar about being hyped up on food that you knew would rot your insides. Your eyes landed on the top row of the wall, and before you could grab your favourite chocolates, Jinyoung stripped it from the wall and dropped it into the basket. He piled on a bag of sour cream and onion chips, and then you both ventured to the drink refrigerators.

  Both of you stared deeply at your drink options. On each level of the fridge, stood several different colourful drinks. If you knew Jinyoung, then you knew he would pick a Coke- it was something he swore by in your younger years. You hummed, mentally deciding between an iced tea or a vitamin water.  You weren't sure why it bothered you when Jinyoung picked up a Sprite, but you tried to hide your dismay. With an ice tea in hand, and a basket full of both of your favourite things, you made your way to the cashier.

  At the last moment, Jinyoung placed a bright yellow umbrella on the checkout counter. He looked down at you, surely, “You never know when it’s gonna rain.”

...

The following car ride to your next destination only lasted about 3 minutes before he parked on the side of the road and dragged you down the street, with the plastic bag full of your foods in hand. 

"I should've known you were going to bring me here." you said, strolling down the familiar gravel pathway towards your elementary school. All colour in the sky had disappeared now, finding it hard to see anything but the outline of each other and some features.

  Both of you settled on the grass field, onlooking the tall school building that was the foundation of your formal years. As soon as you opened the bag of chips, you found yourselves deep in conversation, talking about what life had been for him the last few years. You couldn't help but be in awe when he explained the rush he got when he got on stage, and how he got anxiety when he thought he wasn’t doing his best.  The candidacy of his thoughts drew you in and you were surprised that he trusted you with his secrets. 

All these years, you had always wondered what he was up to, if he was living a life far better than the one he left at home.  To everyone else, he was this huge pop star that had travelled the world 3 times over, but to you, he was your best friend who left home at 16. You had seen him through the bad hair phases, the adolescent temper tantrums, the voice cracks, and the questionable fashion choices both your parents had put you in.

  He leaned back on his arms as he gazed at the school. "Are you afraid of change?" You were silent for a moment as you thought. "On a scale of 1-10?" you rocked your head back and forth. "It's a 15."

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. You held your legs to your chest, and looked at him. "Why?"

He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it and looked smugly in the other direction. "Heyyy." you poked him repeatedly. "You can't just ask me that and not tell me why."

He enclosed his hand around your finger, forcing your poking to come to a halt. It felt like he was studying your face. Never in your life had you ever felt like you were under the scope of Jinyoung's gaze. The darkness of the sky acted as a mask, hiding your blushing face.

"It was the last thing I asked you before I left." he admitted. "I asked you that when things were about to change big time for us… I always wondered if you resented me for leaving you behind."

  The last day before Jinyoung left to become a full-time trainee, you two snuck on to this very same field. Both of you ran across the grass, picking up dandelions; believing that if you gathered enough and blew on them, that they would fuel your wishes.

  “You thought I could resent you?” He nodded. “Well, for starters, I hate your guts.” You replied sarcastically, causing him to look at the ground with embarrassment and your face softened at the sight of it.

  “You know what I wished for on all of those dandelions, Jinyoung?”

 “Not to fail the math exam.” Even in a soft moment, he couldn’t help but be sly. “No!” You exclaimed. 

“Well, you should’ve. You got a 48.” He sensed your killer look on him. “So what’d you wish for?”

You played with your fingers. You thought you’d take this secret to the grave. “I wished that you’d be successful in whatever you chose to do.” His eyes enlarged, alarmed at your confession. “but maybe I should’ve wished for the math thing.”

  Jinyoung giggled, inching closer to you so your legs were pressed against each other. 

“What did you wish for?” You asked. He smiled with the side of his mouth, shaking his head. 

“I wished that I’d always find my way back home.” “Oh goddd.” You gagged. “you’re so corny.”

 “What about you, huh? You used your wish on me!” he bellowed, his voice echoing against the school playground. 

“Hey, I might just be the reason why you’re famous.” You fought back.

You flipped your phone over, 7:53, the brightness of it only barely illuminating the dark. You thought about what you would be doing at this moment if you weren’t here, if he hadn’t picked you up.  Mmm probably falling asleep to a tv show. Probably dreading tomorrow. Probably not as happy.

"But what did I say? You know… the first time you asked me that question?” You couldn’t even begin to imagine how 16-year-old you answered.

  "You said you were excited to see who we were going to become.” The words of your younger self were so hopeful, yet your current self felt hopeless. Your expression sank, and Jinyoung offered a small smile to revive it. He felt guilty having asked you the question in the first place.

You sat in silence for a bit, dwelling on the excitement for life that you once had. Where was it? And how could you get it back?

“I feel like I’ve let myself down. I don’t even know who I am now.”

Jinyoung blinked slowly, watching his childhood best friend crumble. He rested a hand on your shoulder.  "I just look at you, and in so many ways you're the same. I still know what makes you laugh, and the way you say things. I can still pick out your favourite snacks, and know you’re gonna pull my ears when I do something to piss you off.” he yanked on yours softly. "Everything about you feels just how I left you. I feel my youth when I'm with you. But at the same time I’m comforted by how much you’ve changed.”

“I don’t think I’ve changed much.”

“You don’t see it, do you?” You shook your head no. “Do you remember how scared you were to even leave the house when we were kids? Now you live on your own. You never took anything seriously back then, but you’re now one of the hardest working people I know…” his voice softened. “And you let yourself be vulnerable with me when it used to take hours to drag it out of you.” You laid on his shoulder, and he rested his head on top of yours, snuggling closer. “You fear change, yet you’re changing right before your own eyes. And maybe one day, I’ll come back here, and I won’t even be able to recognize who you’ve become.” You sniffled, the idea of Jinyoung not remembering you broke your heart. You held your chest. “But if that day does come, it’ll be okay. Because I know that the person that you’ve become will have it all figured out.  I’ll always be rooting for every single version of yourself even if it doesn’t include me.” You sobbed quietly, interlocking your fingers with his. He held your hand tightly, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. For once, there was an action not done out of habit or relic. It was an action evoked just for this moment, and it was a change that you didn’t mind.

…

Jinyoung held your hand, leading you down a narrow road a few minutes away. The sound of crickets, barking dogs, and distant vehicles could be heard as you stood in the middle of the road of your childhood neighbourhood.

  You hadn’t been here since you moved in 2016. You looked up at the large modern house that sat on what used to be two lots. Yours and Jinyoung’s childhood homes were purchased by a wealthy business man and demolished to build the business man’s dream home. You stared at the foreign house that sat on the place of your childhood dreams and frustrations.

  Jinyoung placed his hands on your shoulders and stopped you at the exact halfway point between what was once his house and your house. You rubbed your arms as a gust of wind rushed by. Without thinking, Jinyoung slipped off his hoodie and placed it on top of your shoulders.

“I remember racing you down this street.” You piped up, pointing down the end of the road. Jinyoung always won that race. No one was faster than him on this street.

“I remember finding that stray puppy and fighting over who got to keep it.” He responded.

“It should’ve been me.” You bickered. Jinyoung laughed, amused at how you were always one to hold a grudge.

“Do you remember that day when it started raining soooo hard and we had to walk shoulder to shoulder under my umbrella?”

You nodded. “Ya, that was the same day with the gummy worms, you dummy.”

“So do you remember what happened right here?” He pointed at the exact spot you were standing. You racked your head for a memory, but nothing stood out to you clearly. You shook your head no. “We always said bye to one another here...but…?” you trailed off.

He took a step forward, both of you standing directly under the streetlight now. You watched his face light up as he likely played the moment back in his head. “So that day, standing under my umbrella, we were about to go our separate ways. You turned into me.”

He took another step closer, popping open the bright yellow convenience store umbrella and holding it over your heads.

You could see it now. It was drizzling so hard, even your hair wasn’t protected from getting soaked.   You wrapped your hands around the handle, just like how you did back then. Chest to chest, huddled under the umbrella. Jinyoung locked eyes with you, your heart beat faster.

“And you looked at me, and I swear I was going to say everything I wanted to tell you right then and there.” Your mouth opened in shock. “This was the place where I almost told you I loved you.”

You studied the eyes of the boy you watched grow up. He looked scared, but sure. There was no doubt in your mind that Jinyoung meant what he said. He lowered the umbrella, not letting his gaze veer from you.

  Your life was just a build up of what if’s and trying to gain the courage to make something of yourself… but you didn’t want that anymore. With your heart beating out of control, you leaned into him, taking the risk and kissing his lips. He wrapped his arms around your waist, deepening the heat of the kiss.

A round of thunder boomed above you, and little by little, raindrops began to pour from the sky.

You and Jinyoung separated to look up at the sky. “I did say, you never know when it’s gonna rain.”

You both ran for the car, shoulder to shoulder, under the umbrella. From your heads to your toes, you were soaked in the rain, but neither of you cared. You silently thanked the world for every bad thing that happened to you today that led to this.

…

You blinked your eyes awake, surveying the damp clothes strewn across your living room floor, and the heat of the bare body laying next to you on the couch. You stared at your sleepy childhood best friend, a smile spreading across your lips. This was a change you were ready for. 

[hella1975]

i'm craving a hella storytime

you know what? me too

so a year ago today hence why i’m gonna shout about it at you all, i saw the 1975 live in concert and OFF THE BAT it was gonna be a weird one, so strap in. there’s no actual storytime here it’s just a series of weird events with no conclusion, enjoy. it’s kinda complicated, but to start off would like to clarify i am a WHORE when it comes to friendship groups. i jump those fuckers like hurdles. the longest i’ve ever stayed in the same friendship group is a year and if anyone even mentions commitment issues i will scream i don’t need to be called out like that. but yeah, i booked the tickets with friend no.1 and friend no.2. now friend no.2 is someone i’ve had a very complicated relationship with for a very long time (including an actual relationship at one point and he is the reason i started bullying golden retriever boys), while friend no.1 just happened to be my closest mate at the time. concerts, ofc, are always booked MONTHS in advance, and yeah. you best believe i wasn’t friends with them by the time the date came.

but the 1975 are one of my favourite bands of all time and it wasn’t like i’d fallen out with these people, we’d just drifted and didn’t talk anymore. so yeah, that was the set up of it. just three of us who hadn’t actually spoken face to face in literal months on a train to bham.

the train got cancelled🤡 and we had to get a different one🤡 and there were no seats 🤡 i had to sit in the fucking aisle it was fun we love to see it. anyway we arrive in birmingham and we were a couple hours early bc we had standing tickets and wanted to be close to the front, tell me why it started HAILING WHILE WE WERE QUEUING???????? and me and my mate were dressed sluddy because not only is it a concert and that’s just how it be, but because when ur at a concert the last thing you want is extra clothing. so we were just fucking freezing and me and this girl wound up bloody penguin-cuddling together despite not really being friends anymore and it was SO awkward and she must have thought it was like??? an icebreaker??? because she starts telling me she misses me??? and i’m here like 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️ bc i did NOT miss her (i won’t get into it but let’s just say there was a reason i left the friendship group) and all the while friend no.2 is like :)))) you two were such good friends you should move it on :))))

so yeah after a near-miss of an argument in the queue, we FINALLY get in the venue and get a proper good spot right near the barrier. and the concert itself was actually the best concert i’ve ever been to like i really recommend checking out clips of 1975 concerts if you can bc the way they do the lights and just their stage presence is >>>>. the only weird part about this concert is that friend no.1 then spent the whole time throwing her arm around me and hugging me and shit like baby no i’m trying to mosh here (the inherent awkwardness of ur ex-best friend holding u close while matty healy sings ‘i couldn’t be more in love’ like what am i supposed to do with that)

THEN concert finished we’re alone in bham it’s 11pm we’re waiting for a train tell me why this train got cancelled (there were bad floods in the area allow it). we had TO WAIT until at least midnight for friend no.2′s dad to show up and low and behold we had the MOST AWKWARD CAR JOURNEY HOME and it was awkward because friend no.2 has openly told me that, since i broke up with him, his parents HATE ME. so i was just sat in the backseat like :)))) this is fine :))) 

so yeah, murphy’s law really kicked our ass that night but at least the concert was fun. i literally have not spoken to either of these people since xoxo

[mercifulbutbroken]

mercy, my beloved <33 prompt: triple threat dancing in the kitchen? maybe in the evening or in the morning with the sun shining gold through the window, and someone plays some song on their phone left on the counter, and they dance together across the kitchen floor <3 slow dance? silly dance? up to you! <3

Jace my beloved <33 Thank you,,, SO MUCH for my very first Henry Stickmin prompt! I love this trio to death, and I always wanted to try this! This shall also be posted on my AO3 bc I actually feel proud of this-!

As the door opened up to a small, cramped apartment, and two pairs of feet came stumbling into the doorway, a figure resting their head on the couch muttered out a few words before rolling onto their other side. Charles could only let out a chuckle as they hoisted up the bags stuck in their arms, sparing a look at Ellie. “ Here, I can get that, you go wake up the sleepyhead. “ A hand came out, motioning for another bag, but Ellie just shook their head, kicking off their shoes on their way to the kitchen. “ Nah, I know what wakes em up. Plus.. we just got some... “ The other two bags were dropped up on the counter, and the rummaging of paper came up. Charles only put down their bag to pull off their boots, when Ellie pulled out the coffee pot from the machine. A sudden sound from the couch rose up, along with a very messy head of hair. Bleary eyes blink, turning towards the kitchen. “ … you guys makin coffee? “ Charles let out a laugh as Ellie shrugged, starting to fill up the pot. “ Like clockwork. “

After the machine dispensed a few cups of steaming coffee, proper sugar and milk dumped into the overly large mugs (Except for Charles, that madman was already on his second cup in the time Ellie poured them and Henry a cup), and the majority of the bags were unloaded into the fridge, Ellie sat back up, placing their mug in the sink.  “ Still don’t know how you two are obsessed with this stuff. “ Charles only shook his head, taking another sip of his own mug. “ When you fly for hours on end, you need something more than energy drinks. Which, word of advice, don’t mix five-hour energy with a monster. You won’t sleep for almost a week… “ His eyes lingered on the mug, then went to meet Henry’s. “ … that means don’t do that. “ Henry raised his hands up in surrender, chuckling. “ Come on, I’ve learned my lesson last time. No energy drinks for me… “ A sudden bit of music tingled up, and both turned their heads to see Ellie placing their phone onto the countertop. She let out a smile seeing the others stare. “ I’m gonna be cooking, I need something to listen to. “ “ So you don’t want to listen to us? For shame Ells- “

“ Come on Ellie, Our voices aren’t that bad- “

“ If I need to listen to the both of you bantering like an old couple as I’m chopping vegetables I would go insane. I prefer my music thank you very much “

“ . . . “

“ . . . but we are a couple. “ 

Henry could only smile as he sat up, and walked over to Ellie, wrapping their arms around Ellie’s sides. “ Come on, you know we love you tooooooo~ “ Ellie laughed- lightly nudging Henry away, before pushing some of the vegetables away as they turned, pressing a light kiss to their cheek. Henry went pink at that, but still smiled. “ Aww wait, Ellie, save one for meee- “ A clatter from the living room, and the two former thieves found themselves in the pilot’s embrace. Now faced with many more kisses peppered across both faces, the trio was dissolving into a flurry of laughter once again. Henry was holding onto the sleeve of Charles’s jacket, Ellie was gripping to the back of his blue hoodie, and Charles was swirling them around the small kitchen. Another song queued up, and Charles slowed his pace, settling on lightly swaying with the tune. Soft lyrics chimed out from the phone’s speakers, as the others ended up laying their hands on Charles’s shoulders. 

Missing pieces of my skull

Charles’s soft voice was almost like honey, melting over the three of them. Mixing together, sweet as sugar. Soft as clouds. The smell of cinnamon, always lingering. 

I'll sew on patches of my own soul

Ellie nuzzled themselves into the faux fur of the jacket, smiling to themselves. The strands of red falling in messy waves on Charles’s shoulder. Amber eyes open up to join in, another melody twirling together. 

There's nothing you or I can do so let the stars fall

The steps all around the tiny kitchen were measured, making sure no one pumped into something, or not to snag against the handles of the drawers.

Cause from up here the sky's my thoughts and we're all so small

A third voice now, making the two turn, and both smile. Quiet, soft, muted, but there. Words already engraved into memory, late nights eating fast food, sodas on the counter… 

Meteor shower, quick take cover

Nights out to 24-hour cafes, missions together...

But the hues in our hair complement one another

Insomnia-filled confessions, ending with a kiss from everyone...

I'd sell my own bones for sapphire stones

Sleepy piles on the couch, morning kisses as they part ways for missions….

Cause blue's your favorite color

The song continued on, as the trio continued standing there, swaying with the song, before Ellie finally nudging away from the group. Two last kisses on the other’s cheeks, before they playfully pushed the others away from the area.  “ Alright alright you two, let me actually start cooking so we don’t need to order out again- “ The duo laughed, as they found purchase on the couch again. 

“ So… what movie we watching tonight? “ “ Chicken Lit- “ “ NO! “ “ Aw come onnnnn- “ 

[hoedameron]

but before i go looking in the tags, let’s talk about my latest gifsets!

what a worker bee i was both yesterday and today with prodigal son AND loki <3 never have i created so many gifs in a short amount of time it’s a damn miracle that my photoshop didn’t straight up cough up blood and keel over. alas, us bitches are stronger than that! if this post gets flagged because of the scenes i included....that would just mean that i made the right decision to exclude those scenes ajsdksajkldsa

malcolm stabbing martin

when the episode finally downloaded, i took a peek at the ending before it aired to see how it all ends (just in case it doesn’t get renewed </3). GOSH, was i just in a TIZZY when i saw this happen and i couldn’t tell my dad what i saw because we were straight up watching the show as it aired. anyways, keeping my secret knowledge, i got to work on making this gifset. i missed a huge chunk of the episode bc it took me over TWO hours to make the six gif set. i was really torn on the “artistic” approach aka which scene to gif and which to leave out. because i saw the ending before anything else, i couldn’t play it out loud and i didn’t have my headphones to listen so i was like FREE FORMING THE SUBTITLES. plus the captions weren’t synced up so it was really hard to decipher what was being said :( 

i really thought i would be able to create the set before 9 but i was running into unforeseen issues such as the subtitle problem, which on top of that, like i said earlier, my photoshop is c/racked and janky so....you catch my drift. i was actually going to gif the bisexual moment in the cafe which i think would’ve been MUCH easier but i jumped the gun and wanted to make the gifs of the shocking ending. funny part about that is the shocking part wasn’t even included in my set (malcolm driving the knife into martin) because i felt like the scene was too short...anyways, let’s talk about the positives:

i really do like the coloring of this one. i used a psd that i’ve used before and luckily it’s meant for outdoor scenes with greenery so the gif really popped. sharpening, buddy ole pal, love you sm. the caption was kinda last minute but i hoped to save it with the gradient. cropping was a bitch because for some reason, it takes forever when you’ve made multiple gifs beforehand (cache innit) pero we pulled through! i actually started not saving the psd files to try and save time which is very unusual for me pero i was getting frustrated with photoshop so i was like y’know what....so i just gave up entirely and stopped saving. i do save when i’m taking my time but jeez, it’s a bad habit. i like saving the psd file because i never know if there is a mistake i missed in post and when i go to publish it, it’s blatant and it needs to be fixed. please, save your psd files idc if it takes up space u can just delete them later. IT HELPS !! TRUST ME!!

first & “last” appearance

i actually premade gifs for this gifset! unfortunately, i didn’t realize that three of the five gifs were the wrong size (pictured above) because i flipped the ratio. instead of 268 x 250, i made them 250 x 268. i don’t know HOW i managed to fuck that up but luckily i saved the psd files (wink, wink) so the coloring was still intact. i think i had to restart photoshop or it was getting too late so i picked it back up in the morning. sucks that i had to remake the entire gif from scratch but we will take some wins xx

coloring is the same with the previous gifset (listen....it’s a good coloring) and i actually did have an alternative coloring that was very warm pero i didn’t end up using it. almost melted the two with the “last” appearance of gil but ultimately didn’t go through with it. also i was thinking of using baby malcolm as the first appearance because technically, that IS his first appearance in the show but i was like...just use adult malcolm lol. also i know that scene of dani isn’t the “first” but the first scene she has goes really quick and she is planked by gil so there isn’t much of a solo (even though this scene isn’t much of a solo either pero it’s better than the former). the lighting is weird in this episode and my coloring tried their best :/ i know gifmakers make each gif a diff coloring pero i’m lazy okay and looking to be time effiencent. another slight tangent is that i actually queued the post for the morning but since i woke up to a storm, i was like, i’m here so i’ll publish it myself.

other than that...i didn’t run into any other problem. i was actually hesitant to make the caption that because i wasn’t sure how to really describe the team. i have poor memory so if there was ever an official name, i do not remember it. i did a quick google search pero it turned up nothing. i stuck with “dream team” because, well, that’s what they are. plus i didn’t want to tarnish the gifset with any mentions of p/olice (i was thinking about putting sumn along the lines of ‘the nypd team’) so DREAM TEAM IT IS because it’s true! you cannot have the show without these five! also, i should’ve used quotations on “last” because there is a bunch of talk about a renewal pero...just in case... sorry y’all :/

odinson brothers parallels

this was made in the spur of the moment. i saw that the teaser trailer with shirtless loki dropped in hd, i came A-RUNNING! it was posted like 47 minutes after the fact and i was like...somebody probably already made a gifset of the scene so i was like...gosh, to make the gifset or not all the while i was trying to download the video. trying because again, this was in the middle of a storm so my wifi was acting up and wasn’t at its strongest (whatever that may be). so i was getting frustrated because neither cc nor 4kdownloader was downloading this small one minute clip. that’s when i knew i was gonna be too late to make the loki gifset so i was like whatever ig...

then i had an idea.

i love parallels so luckily it hit me that this paralleled with thor and how his hair got chopped off. so, i knew i had ragnarok downloaded and got to work <3 wasn’t sure what dimensions to use so i went with 268 x 268 to make perfect squares. because the loki scene was short, i could only make three so i was like..okay, i can work with this. three for loki, three for thor, they’re brothers and they share! i wasn’t planning to add subtitles but i had written them down for the plain gifset so i was like alright, we’re going all in. i didn’t take that long to make since again, they’re small gifs and i did have a coloring in mind that i always use for ragnarok (it’s my fave for non-marvel edits as well). there was a slight adjustment to the final loki gif because i realized the gif had that dark fade into the scene which i didn’t know if it was an artistic choice for the show itself or was added for the trailer only (it happens when companies cut a bunch of scenes together and it’s not at all how it actually plays out). i didn’t want to take any chances so i cut those parts out. i know the gifs are short on the loki side pero...that’s just how it is in show business.

thank you so much for listening and hearing me out! i like discussing my work and i try to have pride in them even if the numbers don’t reflect what i hope they would. either way, still learning, still growing, still thinking about buying p.s. like deadass this shit is RIDICULOUS -_- imagine opening up ps and like...it opens up in less than two minutes...shivers

[night-dragon937]

I need to share my experience from a few hours ago (writing this at 2 am aug 24 2020) yesterday but first I'm going to slap a huge tw: abuse, Christianity/gay stuff, anxiety attacks, and yelling/screaming, transphobia/homophobia, self harm/cutting and a lot of cussing/swearing onto this. Like this is deeply religious and I'd rather not have discourse on my beliefs.

That should cover it...

Okay so it started out fine, my mom and i were just talking. She was drunk, and attempting to convince me that my asexuality meant that i was straight... But since she was drunk, I'mma give her that. There was a lot of aphobia but that's not what this is about She started telling me about her experience, and best i can describe it, she's a closeted demisexual biromantic lady with a preference for girls and a shit ton of internalized homophobia ("being sexually attracted to women's bodies more than men's doesn't make me lesbian, I'm still straight")

It was a mostly civil conversation, but it was adding onto my bad feelings from my dad the past several weeks making snide hurtful remarks about our religion and my sexuality and gender. Also using the f-slur against me when i had explained to him in the past how badly that word hurts me, to which he apologized profusely and said he'd never have used that word if he knew how it affected me. Obviously a lie, because he's still using it with full knowledge of the effects.

Back to my mom. She started getting into the religious side of it, but we managed to keep it civil, until the very end when she said she'd be praying for me and i said I'd be praying to help figure out who exactly i am, and she remarked "make sure you're praying to the right person" with a really threatening tone to her voice. At that point, i lost it, let her know that her saying that made me want to go back to cutting (in case she wasn't aware) and said that i needed a moment alone (or something along those lines, i was thrown head first into an anxiety attack and can't quite remember very well).

I ran upstairs as she tried to grab me and pull me back, but i managed to make it to my room. I went into a fetal position, because safe, but she came in and all i remember is her screaming repeating some question, i think, at me, me not being able to breathe, her hands squeezing my wrists way too tight, my wrist pinned to the carpet with her knee, the other with her hand as she tried to grab my jaw and force me to look at her.

Her touching me made the attack worse (hours later i still have marks and scratches) and i couldn't talk, think, or breathe. Somehow i was able to choke out repeated pleas for her to stop touching me because it was making everything worse. I don't know how long that lasted. But at some point she stopped grabbing me and just placed her hands on me and started praying in tongues. Like i was fucking demon possessed. Because i had an anxiety attack. Which my parents have been triggering in me for as long as i can remember.

I managed to sit up and get her to stop touching me, but she refused to be less than a foot away from me, even though i was going through a sensory overload and needed personal space. She finally trapped me into a corner of my room and put her arms on either side of me, one of them holding the door closed. She was screaming in my face and i was yelling over her, asking her to give me personal space and stop being so loud so that i could calm down, which she refused. I ended up very trapped and very uncomfortable and doing my best to not have another anxiety attack while replying to the most outlandish of her accusations, but mostly keeping my mouth shut in an attempt to get her to do the same.

She kept using my deadname, like usual, but it was worse for me for some reason at this point. I mentioned that and got yelled at more. I mentioned her pinning my wrists to the ground and got called a liar and she tried to make it so that i couldn't leave and grab a Kleenex until i admitted she was right and that i pinned myself to the ground (???). So i just started describing what i remembered until she got sick of it and let me go wipe my nose. She must have closed my door when she first came in. My dad (stepdad) was standing outside the door, eavesdropping, apparently.

I got a Kleenex but then my mom started yelling at me again, but i mostly just pretended to listen because i didn't want to have another anxiety attack. My dad started piping in and making me feel so much worse. He ended with saying "you're not a Christian. You don't believe in God. Even the devil believes in God." (Implying that I'm worse than the devil). At which point i started breaking down crying. And then i ran outside to have another anxiety attack but this time my mom just stood on the porch because the grass was wet and she was barefoot, but i curled up under the stars for who knows how long as i forced myself to do breathing techniques, and stim by rubbing the wet grass, which really helped ground me.

I went back inside when i was feeling better and got a drink of water and a Kleenex. And they started telling me how much they loved me and that i might not see it, but they were doing this out of love, because they were concerned for my eternity. I kept pointing out things they were doing that hurt me and better ways to do it (constructive criticism, so they know what's bad for me) and they repeatedly told me how much worse they could make it for me and that i should be glad they didn't make it worse. I pointed out that this didn't make their actions better and they said "doesn't make them wrong, either." Which ????? Victim blaming, abuse, what?

I brought up the times I've cried out to God for answers and the few times He's responded, (refusing my request for Him to kill me, telling me I'm not going to Hell for being gay/queer) bc they kept bringing up a few dubiously translated verses of the Bible and they told me that i was listening to the wrong person. That i was worshipping the wrong one. They heavily implied that i pray and worship the devil (disclaimer: i don't judge those who do, that's your life, I'm not gonna try and decide it for you, also i can admit that the church of Satan makes valid points and treats people right, from what I've seen, this is just a huge insult for them to throw at me specifically because of what I've been taught my whole life). Also invalidating my whole experience just because they don't like it.

They keep bringing up me being involved in the community (following queer people on social media, having one queer shirt, going to gsa-which they told me I'm not allowed to be a part of anymore-, having queer friends) as me seeking validation and attention, and that i shouldn't need validation and it shouldn't be about validation if I really think that this is who i am. Aka, because i am human and seek human things, i must be a total fake and fraud about all I've told them (very little). Meanwhile they do the exact same thing with their friends and social media and each other and everything.

My dad kept piping up with totally unrelated, totally unhelpful comments and tangents while my mom recited the same 5 min spiel for at least half an hour. My dad was saying how my grandparents aren't actually Christians because they agree with me that the world isn't black and white and there are some shades of gray, and because they believe once saved, always saved. That there is nothing you can do, as an imperfect human, to remove yourself from the infinite and unconscious love of God. (... I can't believe he fucking believes that humans have the ability to overrule God because it makes it easier for him to blame and condemn people he sees...)

These are the grandparents who have loved me regardless of my sexuality and gender, even tho they don't agree, and made me feel loved and gave me a place to go when i need to escape from my parents. They're the reason I'm keeping my mom's maiden name (since it hasn't been legally changed) because it's their last name, and it's them i want to honor, not my abusive shitty hateful stepdad. Unfortunately they are moving into assisted living because my papa is in a wheelchair, so i can't move in with them.

He ended that tangent with repeatedly telling me that i was not saved. That i was not a Christian. That i didn't believe in God. And that i was going to Hell. Repeatedly.

My mom made me hug her and made me tell her i love her. I ended up exercising to stop myself from becoming suicidal. I don't know if I'll tell anyone irl apart from the one irl friend i have on here. I'm not sure if I'm going to tell my therapist or not. I reached out to two of my christian friends after everything but they were both asleep. I needed to write this all down and put it somewhere public, just to be safe. I'm not safe in my own home and i can't move out because I'm a. Under 18 and b. Broke as hell

There was a lot more that happened, this lasted several hours, but i honestly can't remember all of the details besides what i typed out. Anyway so yeah i kinda wish i were dead but i also wanna stay alive for spite and show them that i can be a fabulous queer Christian and that the world is colorful, and you can't reduce that to monochrome and expect to have an even partially accurate view of the world. I want to help others like me, and help them feel better about myself.

I'm setting this as a queue so that if my parents take my phone away, they can't stop me from posting it (they have no clue how to look at queued posts) and also so that i can go to bed now and look at it again later and edit it

[lantern-hill]

how to read more

(bc i got a couple asks on this)

prioritize reading over other things. don’t think of it as “I’ll read if I have time” think of it as “I need to read for 10 minutes today.” and FIND A WAY TO SQUEEZE THOSE MINUTES IN. If you forgot to do your homework, you’d get up early and do it the next morning, right? same deal here. 

only do studyblr on weekends. i’m not gonna lie, i do go on tumblr during the week; but I don’t create curated content for my blog any day but sunday. during the week, i make a note whenever i take a page of notes or create a piece of calligraphy I want to put on my blog on a page of my bujo, and then i spend a little under an hour every sunday taking pictures, editing, and queuing up content. My queue is set up to post 8 posts a day; one of those is original content, and the other 7 are studyblr reblogs. During the week, I just immediately post/reblog shitposts and rant about random stuff. that way my blog is both personal and professional. 

make reading a social activity. why be social and read separately when you can do it together? you can join your school’s book club or do what I do; once a week I gather some friends and we got a library or cafe or park, and we set a timer from one hour and just read in silence in each other’s company. 

never underestimate how much you can get done in a day. never underestimate the power of getting up 15 minutes early and reading in bed for 15 minutes, or going to school 10 minutes earlier and reading before class. 

if you’re reading a classic, sparknotes it first. whenever i read anything with more complex language, I read the sparknotes summary of the section first so i can better focus on the writing and avoid becoming confused and disheartened. 

DNF everything you feel like DNFing. there’s nothing that’ll kill a love of reading faster than forcing yourself or being forced to read books you hate. give every book a chance, but if it’s a genuine struggle every time you pick it up, maybe don’t pick up. 

have a library system. what i mean by this is, have a system where you are consistently placing holds on library items/taking out library books. this is great to motivate you to read because you have a set deadline for when you need to finish the book, and it can help you build discipline. for example, my library system is this; i place holds on five items from my TBR list. I pick them up and, when i get home, place holds on five more items. I read the five books i took out and then go back and pick up the next five books and return the old five, and the cycle continues. 

have a set goal books per week/month: I try to read at least five books a week. It’s going well so far; but I don’t beat myself up if I miss a goal. like I said, nothing kills a love of reading faster than being forced to read. 

celebrate finishing a book in some small way. i have a little ritual i go through every time I finish a book. I log the book and give it a rating out of 5 stars; i write it down on my weekly book post-it (i’ll explain more about this in item 14); i write down some small notes about it so I can write a quick review later on and reflect on it; and i check it off in my TBR booklet.Finally, I put the finished book by the door so I remember to return it to the library. 

think about/make notes on books you read. ultimately you could read every book on the planet and it would make no difference if you didn’t enjoy, understand and grow from each of them. I have a pretty fast reading speed (you can test your reading speed here) but you should also make sure you’re UNDERSTANDING what you read. So I’d suggest also taking this test, which has a comprehension aspect.

always always always have a book with you even when you think you won’t need one. you can usually squeeze in a paragraph or two when standing in line or waiting for a friend to arrive at a meetup.

read as many books at a time as you want. if you start a book and find a new book you want to read more, just go read that book. you can always come back to the first one. feel free to read as many books at a time as you want. 

find out what books you’re going to read next year and read them before you have to (i do this out of pure spite) because i hate being told what to read. not only does this really help with schoolwork, but it’s very satisfying to not have to read what your teacher tells you to. (you should probably review the sparknotes before class, though.)

write out a TBR. mine used to be at the back of my bujo, but it was too long and i finished the notebook before i finished the list, so i made a littel booklet by cutting three pieces of printer paper in half, folding them in half width-wise, hole-punching the spine at each edge and looping a broken rubber band through the holes. Voila! DIY TBR notebook. It’s VERY satisfying to have something to tick off when you finish a book.

you can not enjoy “good books”, i hate jane austen’s works with a burning passion look I know Jane Austen was revolutionary, feminist, etcetera, but her books are just so goddamn boring to me.. I have never really cared about any of her characters, and I only ever finished pride and prejudice because i read in it bits and pieces over three months. but guess who else didn’t like jane austen’s books? Charlotte Bronte! Winston Churchill! Ralph Waldo Emerson! Virginia Woolf! Mark Twain! D.H. Lawrence! Jane Austen’s books are the literary equivalent of old disney movies. the only things that matter are money and  marriage and that’s literally it. 

watch booktubers my favourites are paperbackdreams and KrimsonRogue, but there are actually tons out there 

if you genuinely don’t want to read then don’t

comics are books

list the books you read in a week on a post-it someplace near where you work. I have a post it that i replace every week titled “[Month] week [number] under which I write the title of each book I read in that week as well as the page number. 

read at lunch at school

if you do graphic design, listen to audiobooks and/or podcasts in the meanwhile

read books that hype you up. read books that make you want to read. read books that are about things you’re passionate about. read books that make you want to write books. 

but also read fun trashy books. 

The above is especially fun if you read it in the same room as someone. it’s SO fun to group read trashy books with a group of close friends and each of you reads out or tells weird and creepy things that happen in the book. 

some places/times i read: in the car, after breakfast/before leaving for school, in school before class starts, during lunch, on the way home, before bed, while i make tea, while i prep the next day’s lunch, with friends, when i can’t sleep, when i wake up and can’t get back to sleep, outside, while i get ready for bed

join a book club

find people who also love reading. talk to each other about the books you read. share recommendations and loan books to each other.

[leejeongz]

Jealous Stray Kids

🤫oof thanks for requesting this honey!!! I hope you like it bc I really enjoyed writing it (weird comsidering it isn’t that good, Ik)🤫

Bang Chan:

Your name had left his mouth one too many times for Chan to compose himself anymore. He was having a conversation with one of the staff, yet all they wanted to talk about was you.

“You do know they have a boyfriend, right?” Chan asked passive aggressively. “And he probably wouldn’t like you saying these things about them”

“No, but whoever it is doesn’t deserve them” the guy replied. You and Chan were yet to out your relationship, everyone else thinking you were just close friends. “I was actually hoping you’d set me up with them, but I guess that’s off the table”

“Yeah” Chris replied, now more angry from the his previous statement. “You aren’t their type anyway” he spoke “they don’t like rude guys” just as he said it, you walked through the waiting room door. Chan came over to you and planted a kiss on your cheek. Who were you to argue with the sudden PDA?

“They’re mine, thank you. Please find someone else” Chan said to the guy he was talking to before. As the words left his mouth, the guy went red in the face but Chan had already turned around, all his attention now on you.

Woojin:

Woojin is a big jealous boy okay. When he saw you walking home from your evening class with “some guy” he’d grow angrier with every step you took closer to his house. And when he finally heard you knock at his door, you still accompanied by the guy, he’d take a deep breath, slap on a fake smile and welcome you both in warmly, secretly wanting to kill the other boy.

“Who’s this?” He asked through gritted teeth.

“Oh I’m Thomas, we go to class together. It was getting dark outside so I walked them home. Sorry, and you are?” Thomas asked politely.

Woojin look at you, waiting for you to proudly announce he was your boyfriend, which you did so immediately.

“Well, they are home now. Better get going, hadn’t you?” Woojin asked, wanting some alone time. He put his hand on the guys back and practically pushed him out the door.

“What the hell y/n? Why didn’t you tell him that you had a boyfriend before? Why did you say you wanted picking up, I would have come and picked you up you know?” He began to get angry. “Seems to me like you wanted this guy to fall in love with you” he added dramatically at the end, causing you to giggle and him to join in after a while, realising how petty he had just been.

Lee Know:

He rolled over in bed, finally awake enough to do so. His arm found its way over your middle and he pulled your back closer towards him. He peeped over your shoulder, seeing you were on your phone.

“Who are you talking to, babes?” He asked innocently.

You showed him the name on your phone.

“Ughhh, what does he want?” He rolled onto his back, removing his arm as soon as you showed him your phone.

“Does it matter?” You asked. He was a great friend and Minho had no need to be jealous anyway.

“Yes it does, I don’t want him to steal you from me, do I? Stop talking to him, I’m all you need, you know that.” He went back to his previous position, sprawled all over you, kissing you none stop.

“Stop it, Minho, he’s just a friend.” You said, pushing him away.

“Alright, for goodness sake I was only joking” he rolled his eyes and threw his back against the bed, knowing he’d fucked up but not wanting to admit it. “What were you talking about?”

”Perhaps... about your birthday. I thought you were asleep,” you turned to face Minho, who just wanted to apologise, but couldn’t find the right words.

Changbin:

“Y/n, you hold hands with Changbin and Chan” Felix said, sitting you all a circle ready to play a new game he created.

Changbin tried not to look at yours and Chan’s interlocked hands, knowing it would hurt him, yet he couldn’t stop himself. Every time he looked, he’d squeeze your hand harder. He wanted to be the only person to hold your hand, but he didn’t want to ruin the atmosphere. When no one was looking, during and after the game, he’d give you little kisses. Your cheek, your neck, your lips, your forehead, nowhere was safe from this jealous boy.

As the night of fun and games came to a end and you were just about to leave, Changbin asked if you wanted walking home. He wouldn’t let you say no.

On your walk home, your hands were comfortably in each other’s and this made you both so happy, but Changbin couldn’t help but think Chan has also been holding your hand earlier this evening.

“I hold hands better than Channie, right y/n?” He asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

“For sure, my jealous baby boy” he thought he hid his jealousy well, evidently not.

Hyunjin:

An hour had passed since you and Hyunjin went public as a couple. You were really worried that they wouldn’t like you so you decided to stay offline for a bit. But Hyunjin didn’t.

“Y/n I think they all want to marry you, they keep calling you good looking and saying all this nice stuff and” you stopped his by putting a finger to his lips.

“Shh I think that just means they like me... or they’re being sarcastic...” you contemplated, taking your finger off his lips slowly and grabbing his phone.

“No they are being like... extra nice. Only I get to compliment you like this.” He added. You began to blush while looking at the comments. “And only I get to make you blush like that” he whined.

“Stop being a baby” you kissed him on the cheek. “You’re complaining because your fans like me?” You questioned while laughing.

“I’m jealous of stays?” It then started clicking in what had been coming out of his mouth. “Damn I really am a baby” he said “but I’m your baby” he grinned showing his gums straight in your direction while nestling his head into your neck and to say you fell in love with him even more was an understatement.

Han:

“They are really lovely girls Jisung, and it’s only 2 nights” you pleaded.

“I’m sure they are y/n, but you see them everyday, how often do you see me?” He complained back. He knew it was wrong to stop you from seeing your friends, but he was going to miss you so much, especially since you never really saw each other.

“True, but we can still call” you made a valid point.

“Without WiFi, yeah good one babe” you could tell it was now turning into an argument. An argument that you didn’t want to have. His tears started to well up.

“You do know that you can call without WiFi, Jisung. My dad reminds me of that everyday” he was dumbfounded. You’d won, but you were always going to win.

“Promise when I come back we can spend the whole week together?” You asked, his eyes began to dry. He couldn’t say no to you, not that he wanted to of course.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you” he put his hand on your shoulder. “Damn, shit just got deep” he joked, knowing that everything was going to be alright now you’d made your promise.

Felix:

“Felix, are you coming?” Hyunjin shouted, already in the the queue for the rollercoaster along with the others. You, Felix and Jisung were stood at the side, it was common knowledge that neither Jisung or you liked rollercoaster but Felix didn’t want to leave you alone. After all he’d be queuing for like 3 hours and then the actual time you spent together would be limited.

He wasn’t worried that Jisung might take you off him, just that he was going to be able to spend time with you.

“Come on!! You’ve wanted to go on this since it opened” Jeongin added.

He thought for a while. “Felix, it’s okay. Jisung’s not going to bite me... I don’t think. Go and have fun, I’ll still be here when you get back” you reassured him. He finally decided to leave you two, joining the line with the boys while you and Jisung went to another, less... vicious ride.

When you found the others, Felix wouldn’t leave your side. He’d be holding your hand and only talking to you, making sure that you were only talking to him too.

Seungmin:

With a huge smile on your face, you returned to your table at McDonald’s where seungmin had already made himself comfortable.

“Someone’s excited for a greasy burger” he said, a little suspicious of your behaviour.

“The guy behind the counter complimented me and now I’m happy, what a crime!” You said sarcastically.

He looked over to the guy behind the counter, even in the uniform he looked good, seungmin couldn’t deny.

“Do you think he’s cute?” He asked you.

“Pft no...” you turned around to look at him one more time, he wasn’t really that cute to you, but teasing seungmin was always fun.

“How about I go get you his number then? Set you up on a date with him. That would be cute. Not like you’re already taken” he sat back on his chair, folding his arms.

“Seungmin, I was only joking” you said, grabbing a handful of fries and throwing them at him jokingly.

“Cool” he responded, he’d been tricked, but lord knows he didn’t want to admit it.

I.N:

“Are you ready Jeongin? I don’t want to be late, she’s my best friend!” You shouted. Your best friends birthday party was coincidentally in the same week as Jeongin had off, so agreed to come with you. You didn’t want to be alone since you only knew your best friend otherwise.

You finally arrived and you immediately went over to give her a hug, Jeongin standing awkwardly beside you both.

“Happy birthday” he handed her the present to which she thanked him politely and continued to talk to you.

Jeongin, by this point, felt like the third wheel and he hated it. He just wanted you to talk to him but he knew you two had a lot catch up on so he stayed quiet. About 2 hours had passed and he’d mingled with all the strangers in her house. He finally found you, still with your best friend. It killed him to not be with you, especially when he felt so lonely.

“I think I’m gonna go home y/n, you clearly don’t need me here” he spoke, interrupting your conversation. “I hope you have a good birthday” and with that, he left without hearing your response.

(I’m soft for one (1) man and one (1) gif set)

Gifs aren’t mine

[soflsms]

   ( sorry  I'm  late  to  the  party  im  in  pst  so  i  was  at  work  til  now  sdkfjl )  ANYWHO  hi  pals  what  the  h*ck  is  up  !!  im  chloe  ,  im  21  ,  i  use  she / her  pronouns  &  im  a  broke  a$$  geography  major  !!   i  am  SO  excited  to  be  her  &  get  to  rp  with  all  y’all  bc  judging  by  your  apps  skdflj  i  fuck  with  u  all  .  anywho  ill  stop  my  rambling  ,  below  the  readmore  is  stuff  about  sofie  &  some  wcs !!  

trigger  warning  !!  sex  work  ,  deportation  ,  neglect  ,  bad  writing  ,  alcoholism  &  substance  abuse

HAILEY BALDWIN  /  SHE/HER  /  TWENTY TWO  /  BILLIE EILISH VC

welcome to los angeles , sofie almeda ! the glitterati has been watching you . rumour has it you made your first mark in the industry two years ago & that your net worth currently stands at  8m . it seems as though you’re enjoying being a  singer since relocating from  harlem , new york city . some might say you’d be a good fit for the glitterati due to your hollywood ranking being a solid  #3, & it helps that fans speak so highly of your  individualistic & assiduous ways . unfortunately , our sources cite that those closest to you aren’t particularly impressed with your  self-destructive & choleric tendencies .

stats

name  :   sofie sydney almeda

nicknames  :   sof

age  :  twenty - two  .

birthday  :  december  eleventh  .

zodiac  :  sagittarius  .

gender  :  cisfemale  (  though  doesn’t  vibe  with  the  idea  of  being  STRICTLY  a  WoMaN  ,  she  finds  labels  restrictive  )  .

pronouns  :  she    &    her  .

height  :  5 ′ 6 ″  .

hometown  :    recife  ,  brazil  &  harlem  ,  new  york  city  .

nationality  :  american  ,  brazilian  .

ethnicity  :  english  ,  portuguese   .

label(s)  :  the  venereal  ,  the  bellwether  ,  the  opulent  ,   the  anaxiphile   .

occupation  :  singer  (  vc  billie  eilish  )  .  

quirks  :  fidgeting  ,  allergic  to  shellfish  ,  walks  quickly  ,  cracks  knuckles  ,  always  wears  her  lucky  ‘  st  christopher  ’  necklace  from  her  grandmother  ,  has  a  weird  ability  to  talk  herself  out  of  trouble  ,  can  tie  a  cherry  stem  in  her  mouth  ,  messy  emotionally  but  on - point  physically  ,  vvv  bad  driver  ,  loves  a  good  theme  party  ,  can’t  get  through  the  day  without  multiple  cups  of  coffee  ,  refuses  to  wear  glasses  in  public  even  though  she’s  quite  far - sighted  ,  always  carries  hand  sanitizer ,  prefers  rain  over  sunshine  .

background

         her  mother  ,  marcia  almeda  ,  was  a  recent  graduate  from  secondary  school  who  packed  a  backpack  and  went  traveling !! before  long  tho  she  ended  up  knocked  up  by  another  backpacker  ,  this  one  american  ,  while  they  were  having  a  fling  in  sydney  (  hence  sofie’s  middle  name  lmao  @  her  mom’s  humor  )  .  she  flew  back  home  when  she  found  out  &  never  told  sofie’s  father  oops !! so  marcia  had  sofie  at  home  in  recife  just  before  her  nineteenth  birthday  ,  and  marcia  was  enthralled  w  little  sofie  .  ofc  she  inherited  her  mother’s  beauty  (  i  hc  marcia  looks  like  alessandra  ambrosio  bc  hello !  )  &  little  sofie  lived  a  happy  early  childhood  life  in  her  grandparents’  home  in  recife.

         brazil  isn’t  the  safest  of  countries  &  marcia  didn’t  want  the  same  dangers  she  experienced  growing  up  for  her  young  daughter  ,  so  around  sofie’s  eighth  birthday  ,  her  &  her  mother  packed  up  and  went  on  a  ‘ trip  ’  to  new  york  city  .  joke’s  on  sofie  ,  though  -  it  wasn’t  actually  a  trip  ,  but  rly  they  were  trying  to  move  there  to  find  sofie’s  father  to  confirm  his  paternity  and  get  sofie  american  citizenship  .  it  was  proving  more  difficult  than  she  thought  ,  &  marcia  was  quickly  running  out  of  money  .  with  a  face  like  hers  ,  though  ,  making  money  wasn’t  too  difficult  ,  but  it  was  time  consuming  .  marcia  found  herself  escorting  older  men  in  order  to  pay  the  bills  ,  all  the  while  leaving  little  sofie  to  fend  for  herself  .  some  of  her  earliest  memories  are  of  strange  men  in  their  tiny  apartment  &  sofie  trying  to  block  out  their  conversations  with  her  lil  cassette  player  hiding  in  the  corner  of  her  room  .  eventually  ,  marcia  was  able  to  contact  the  father  &  they  set  up  a  meeting  .  sofie  had  gotten  her  hopes  up  that  she  would  finally  have  a  dad  (  she  got  dressed  up  in  her  sunday  best  &  everything  bc  reuniting  her  dad  was  a  BIG  deal  ) ,  but  the  meeting  ended  up  being  a  quick  exchange  of  words  ,  a  mouth  swab  and  a  couple  signatures  .  sofie  never  even  learned  his  name  ,  & this  queued  up  a  lifetime  of  daddy  issues  &  distrust  of  men  !!

        while  marcia  was  able  to  stay  in  america  much  longer  than  she  was  legally  supposed  to  ,  eventually  she  was  facing  deportation  ,  which  meant  lil  sofie  ,  with  her  citizenship  finally  confirmed  ,  was  put  into  the  hands  of  her  father  who  sent  off  to  an  american  boarding  school  in  new  york  without  even  contacting  her  .  she  would  spend  the  summers  in  brazil  with  her  mother  or  ,  as  she  got  older  ,  couch - surfing  with  different  friends  throughout  the  months  .  she  started  growing  apart  from  her  mother  as  she  aged  since  she  wasn’t  going  home  every  summer  since  she  didn’t  rly  feel  any  connection  to  brazil  .  her  grandfather  had  passed  away  &  she  only  has  faint  memories  grandmother  ,  plus  the  city  wasn’t  at  all  familiar  to  her  &  she  wasn’t  practicing  her  portuguese  after  her  mother  returned  to  brazil  .

         through  it  all  ,  music  was  proving  to  be  the  one  constant  in  her  life  she  could  use  to  escape  from  reality  .  she  had  never  done  any  training  or  classes  ,  but  she  just  liked  singing  along  to  whatever  was  on  the  radio  & practicing  on  her  own  .  she  also  found  a  passion  for  writing  poetry  which  she  later  would  realize  was  compatible  with  music  .  she  would  spend  HOURS  in  the  school  library  working  on  garage  band  lmfao  bc  she  couldn’t  afford  her  own  laptop  to  produce  music  &  her  dad  sent  just  enough  money  as  he  was  legally  supposed  to  .  but  she  worked  her  lil  tushy  off  &  applied  to  a  music  academy  in  nyc  &  was  rejected  the  first  year  (  DEVASTATING  when  mixed  with  her  impostor  syndrome  &  daddy  issues ) but  she  practiced  more  &  more  &  edned  up  getting  accepted  the  next  year  .  here  ,  she  worked  on  her  vocal  skills  &  music  production  ,  &  started  accumulating  her  own  music  &  selling  songs  to  music  producers  on  the  side  for  some  ca$h  money  .  

          by  the  time  she  was  16  the  state  decided  she  was  old  /  mature  enough  to  live  on  her  own  so  she  got  a  TINY  lil  studio  apartment  in  harlem  where  she’d  grown  up  with  her  mum  &  she  had  friends  who  she’d  grown  up  with  .  while  it  wasn’t  the  safest  neighbourhood  statistically  sofie  felt  safe  &  just  like  one  of  the  neighbourhood  kids  .  it  was  the  first  time  she  genuinely  felt  like  she  belonged .

        she  was  accepted  on  full  scholarship  to  nyu  & majored  in  music  composition  &  vocal  performance  where  she  started  finally  feeling  secure  in  herself  &  released  her  own  music  on  soundcloud  ,  quickly  amassing  a  following  &  becoming  an  ‘ up  &  coming ‘  artist  !!  she  was  contacted  by  a  scooter  braun  type  guy  who  was  interested  in  taking  her  on  under  his  management  so  she  dropped  out  of  uni  in  her  2nd  year  (  bc  tbh  her  grades  in  anything  other  than  her  music  classes  were  v  subpar  )  .  soon  enough  producers  wanted  to  work  with  her  &  she  was  making  enough  that  she  didn’t  have  to  sell  her  songs  which  she  hated  doing  but  had  to  pay  the  bills  u  know  .  oh  &  her  vc  is  billie  eilish  bc  ofc  shes  my  queen  go  stream  when  we  all  fall  asleep  where  do  we  go  on  spotify  u  won’t  be  disappointed  

        she  also  started  getting  into  the  partying  scene  here  yikes  !! it  was  a  method  for  her  to  numb  all  her  pain  from  her  past  &  impostor  syndrome  &  drown  all  that  out  in  pills  or  tequila  .  it  rly  wasn’t  healthy  bc  of  how  she  would  binge  for  a  weekend  then  try  to  stay  sober  throughout  the  week  but  failing  by  about  wednesday when  she  started  to  feel  hollow  .  she  wasn’t  gonna  be  a  one  hit  wonder  &  her  mom  sure   as  hell  didn’t  go  through  all  that  trouble  just  for  sofie  to  be  a  nobody  addict  !! so  she  kept  it  together  enough  to  start  making big  bucks  & well  …….  here  she  is  :~)

personality

        sofie  blames  it  on  her  brazilian  heritage  but  this  bitch  loves  a  party  !!  like  shes  the  one  who  gets  happy drunk  at  the  pre  then  is  the  first  on  the  dance  floor  then  later  falls  out  of  the  club  &  into  some  rando’s  bed !!  in  the  back  of  her  mind  she  knows  her  drug  &  alcohol  use  is  self - destructive  but  she  figures  shes  allowed  to  let  loose  sometimes (  even  if  that  ends  up  being  most  nights  )  ;  rly  she’s  just  in  denial  bc  she  doesn’t  want  to  change  her  ways  &  lose  her  identity  !!

        doesn’t  put  labels  on  her  gender  identity  or  sexual orientation  .  she  finds  them  restrictive  &  useless  for  herself  ,  labels  would  only  be  to  satisfy  others  .  she  doesn’t  see  herself  as  110%  female  either  like  she’s  all about  gender  being  a  social  construct  /  a  spectrum  ;  some  days  she’ll  get  dolled  up  &  wear  heavy  makeup  &  six  inch  heels  ,  some  days  she’ll  walk  around  in  a  bun  &  tracksuit  &  trainers  .  anyone  who  asks  abt  it  will  swiftly  get  2  middle  fingers  in  their  face  !! shes  uncontrollable  i  swear

         puts  up  a  tough  bad - ass  front  like  billie  does aksjdh  like  nah  nothing  can  hurt  me  im  bulletproof  !!  but  is  rly  just  kinda  broken  underneath  .  she  doesn’t  even  let  her  closest  friends  know  how  hurting  she  is  bc  she  doesn’t  wanna  burden  them  .  she  rly  uses  mmusic  as  an  outlet  tho  so  she’ll  act  totally  tough  then   go  to  the  studio  &  record  all  about  her  heartache  .  will  NEVER  let  someone  see  her  cry  no  matter  how  close  she  is  with  them  .  she  rly  sees  it  as  a  sign  of  weakness  &  shes  in  a  much  better  place  than  she  was  5  years  ago  so  she  figures  she’s  not  ALLOWED  to  feel  anything  but  grateful  .  

         this  bitch  overthinks  everything  !! half  the  time  she  isn’t  rly  listenning  to  whoever  bc  she’s  thinking  about  what  they  just  said  &  if  they’re  mad  with  her  .  she’s  that  friend  who  will  ask  u  to  come  over  to  formulate  the  perfect  text  response  &   fuss  over  it  for  hours  .  that  being  said  ,  if  someone  talks  shit  abt  anyone  shes  tight  with  ,  they’re  gonna  get  it  the  next  time   she  sees  them  .  she  isn’t  about  violence  &  would  never  get  into  a  physical  fight  ,  but  she’d  work  behind  the  scenes  to  ruin  their  life  .  but  then  she  pretends  like  she  rly  doesn’t  care  though  its  obvious  to  those  close  to  her  that  she  cares  way  too  much

has  a  very  hard  time  expressing  love  bc  she  didn’t  have  much  practice  w  it  growing  up  .  she  was  on  her  own  most  of  her  young  life  so  even  if  her  mom  would  tell  her   te  amo  she  would  be  like  uh  huh  gtg  bye !!  

tldr ;  poor  bitch  w  abandonment  issues  who  was  able  to  get  out  of  it  by  channeling  her  energy  into  music  &  numbing  the  stress  with  pills  or  alcohol  which  she  def  still overuses  but  she  doesn’t  think its  a  problem  !! yikeroony  !!  loves  partying  & having  a  good  time  ,  puts  up  a  tough  front  but  is  rly  soft  underneath  .

wanted (* = mw)

friends  from  high  school  !! -  people  sof  stayed  with  in  the  summer  bc  she  wasn’t  going  home  to  brazil  .  

friends  from  music  school  !!  -  she  def  felt  like  an  outsider  among  the  music  prodigies  at  this  school  ,  &  maybe  this  person  was  one  of  the  ppl  she  actually  connected  with  . 

come  out  &  play  !!  this  person  acts  as  a  good  influence  to  sofie  .  they’re  level - headed  &  very  grounding  ,  &  sofie  doesn’t  let  it  show  but  they’re  really  important  to  her  .  this  is  the  Softest  billie  song  (  prob  bc  it  was  for  an  ad skdj )  &  they  inspired  it  bc  it’s  how  she  feels  when  shes with  them  .  they  encourage  her  to  be  all  that  she  can  be  &  they  believe  in  her  ,  &  they’re  prob  the  one  person  sofie  trusts  the  most  which  is  SAYING  something  !!

*exes  on  bad  terms  !!  -   ok  this  would  basically  be  based  on  all  the  songs  billie  has  about  a  failed  relationship  /  heartbreak  !! shes  got  a  bunch  .  im  thnking  maybe  she  was  actually  rly  into  them  but  had  a  hard  time  expressing  it  bc  she’s never  been  good  with  emotional  expression  ,  &  it  led  to  the  relationship  feeling ?? unfaithful  /  disconnected  ??  idk  but  she  rly  loved  them  &  is  still  nursing  that  heartbreak  .  (  x  ,  x  ,  x  )

the  paris  to  her  nicole  !!  -  ok  i  f*cking  hate  that  i  said  this  but  she’s  nicole  richie  its  true  !! she  needs  a  messy  gal  pal  exactly  like  how  paris  &  nicole  are  i  stan  them  (  x  ,  x  ,  x  )

roommate  !!  -  bc  of  her  abandonment  issues  she  rly  doesn’t  like  living  alone  so  prob  is  the  roomie  who  will  sleep  in  their  bed  from  time  to  time  bc  she  doesn’t  like  being  totally  alone  .  

*when  the  party’s  over  !!  - these  two have  been  hooking  up  for  a  while  no  strings  attached  but  recently  feelings  have  been  caught  !! &  now  they  still  hook  up  quite  often  but  sofie’s  kinda  harboring  feelings &  pretending  all  is  well  but  she  rly  hopes  they’ll  just  stay  the  night  from  time  to  time  ,  &  gets  secretly  heartbroken  when  she  sees  them  flirting  or  leaving  with  someone  else  . they  can  also  have  feelings  if  u  want  that  angst :~)

fwb  !!  -  sofie  is  pretty  transparent  when  it  comes  to  what  she  wants  &  she’s  got  a  bad  habit  of  replacing  dealing  with  problems  with  getting  laid  !! like  u  know  in  movies  when  the  man  opens  his  wallet  and  a  row  of  like  20  pictures  of  different  women  fall  out  ??  that’s  sof’s  aesthetic  .  she’s  got  a  bunch  of  fwb  of  all  genders  so  bring  me  some  pls

***mutual  dislike  /  copycat  !!  self - explanatory  ,  sofie  thinks  this  person  is  copying  her  in  everything  she  does  &  thinks  its  annoying  af  so  she  wrote  a  song  abt  it  &  hopes  they  indirectly  get  the  message  even  if  she  drops  not  so  subtle  hints  .  skfldjh  itd  be  messy  pls !!

party  buddies  !!  -  someone  who  encourages  sofies  wild  ways  .  when  the  two  get  together  its  usually  to  get  drunk  or  high  &  thats  the  way  they  like  it  .  sofie  doesn’t  feel  judged  by  them  as  she  does  by  others  who  don’t  get  obliterated  at  every  social  event  (  what  an  idea  !!  )  so  she  rly  values  them  ,  even  if  she  doesn’t  express  it

 ** 8 !! - someone  who  kinda  reluctantly  got  into  a  relationship  with  sofie  out  of  maybe  a  desire  to  save  her  from  herself  ??  like  u  know  that  good  girl  bad  boy  trope  where  the  girl  tries  to  save  the  boy  from  whatever  he’s  struggling  with  ?  that’s  them  but  the  roles  are  just  reversed  -  good  guy  ,  bad  girl  .  it  was  kinda  just  filled  w  her  being  self - destructive  &  confiding  in  him  but  not  rly  reciprocating  the  care  so  he  became  kinda  distant  bc  of  it  .  tbh  she  prob  knew  he  was  too  good  for  her  but  had  a sliver  of  hope  he  wouldn’t  leave  her  even  tho  eventually  she  became  too  much  for  him  .  (  lyrics : you said, "don't treat me badly", but you said it so sadly, so I did the best I could, not thinkin' you would have left me gladly. i know you're not sorry, why should you be? 'cause who am I to be in love, when your love never is for me?” )

good influence  !! this  person  can  tell  that  her  beahvior  is  unhealthy  &  are  trying  to  gently  nudge  her  abt  it  .  she  can  tell  what  they’re  doing  but  her  addict  brain  is  telling  her  its  invasive  &  threatening  so  shes  not  the  fondest  of  this  person  ,  but  deep  down  she  really  appreciates  them

music buddies !! these  two  are  both  in  the  music  industry  &  rather  than  it  being  competitive  ,  they’ve  developed  a  friendship  from  it  & enjoy  working  together  .  

* someone  sofie  ghostwrites  for  !! for  whatever  reason  ,  this  muse  doesn’t  write  their  own  songs  & instead  pays  sofie  to  write  them  for  them  .  she  doesn’t  love  it  but  its  a  way  to  make  money  &  give  away  songs  she  doesn’t  feel  attached  to  but  are  worth  something  .  maybe  its  tense  bc  they  claim  the  songs  as  their  own  &  sofie  doesn’t  like  it  ,  this  could  be  ~escandolo~  later  !!

*** my boy ( high school bf ) !! - ok  tea  this  song  is  the  one  that  broke  her  into  the  industry  .  she  produced  it  all  herself  &  just  relased  it  to  her  soundcloud  thinking  it  wouldn’t  rly  go  anyway  but  !!  joke’s  on  yung sofie  .  essentially  he  thought  the  relationship  was  going  well  ,  she’d  met  his  family  &  they  rly  liked  her  but  !! sof  was  feeling  kinda  smothered  &  told  herself  he  was  lying &  cheating  on  her  n  shit  so  she  wrote  a  song  about  it  !! &  once  it  was  starting  to  get  attention  he  was  like  ….. uhhh  what  the  fuck  & she  was  like  haha  sorry  !! so  they  broke  up  &  ever  since  its  been  animosity ,  but  she  realizes  she  fucked  up  but  it  launched  her  career  so  she  doesn’t  know  whether  to  keep  up  the  idgaf  i  hurt  you  or  apologize  .  

* ex - friends  !!  ok  pls  i  have  this  hc  where  sofie  got  way  too  high  one  night  &  slept  with  this  person’s  dad  or  sibling  or  smth !!  u  know  that  line  in  ‘ bad guy ’  where  she  goes  ‘ might  seduce  your  dad  type  ? ’  ya  that’s  got  sofie  written  ALL  over  it  !!   &  now  they’re  not  friends  bc  sofie  can’t  keep  it  in  her  pants  but  both  sides  kinda  misses  the  other  but  are  too  stubborn  to  say  anything  :~(

exes from college / high school  !!  - ok honestly i just love all the exes plots . gimme someone who like maybe they were hooking up & decided to give it a shot dating & it worked for a while but ultimately fell apart bc of sof’s inability to open up. maybe theres still tension or maybe theyre friends now !!

* lovely  !!  -  i  need  a  male  voice  for  khalid’s  part  in  lovely  bc  i  need  this  song  in  my  life  bc  its  a  whole  ass   sofie  mood  ok  .  

i’ve  also  got  a  wanted  connections  tag  linked  HERE  dksfj there's  not  much  in  it  yet  but  feel  free  to  check  it  out  .  ok  i  love  y'all  

[inkbun]

So what about Dva's S/o is is slightly famous but is feeling insecure about themselves becauses they think all of their followers are just because they are dating Dva

Ayyy, my first D.Va prompt. Keep ‘em coming y'all, I’m loving all these specific jump-off points. This one was hella easy since I stream too (not regularly or on a schedule anymore bc I’m trying to finish this damn book, but hey). Enjoy! 🐰

D.Va

Words: 1,481

Genre: Hurt & Comfort

“Who’s next in the queue?” you asked, picture-perfect grin on your face.

You glanced at your stream stats on the monitor: 103 concurrent viewers, 2 hours uptime, 88 new followers.

An explosion of “ME!,” Kappas, and emotes flooded your chat.

Stream had gone swimmingly the past few weeks—you were easing into Starcraft II after Hana suggested you try something more competitive. You were more of a Stardew Valley type, but damned if it didn’t help to let off a little steam via a realtime strat game.

You took to it like a fish in pixelated, alien-riddled water, and your follower count was skyrocketing.

Whether that was because of your gameplay or your girlfriend was yet to be seen. To their credit, most of your followers were chill about your love life. But that didn’t mean you avoided her rabid fans.

Yes, you were dating Hana Song, better known to anyone with an ounce of pop culture awareness as D.Va. Yes, you also loved gaming and junk food. Yes, you know she was the best gamer to hit the SC2 comp scene.

Yes,  you knew how lucky you were.

Hell, you were once one of those people without an ounce of pop culture awareness. You and Hana met in a convenience store in Tokyo. She was on vacation from the MEKA program back home in Korea, and you were abroad with your friends. While they ooh'd and ahh’d over all the foreign snacks, you were too struck by the pretty girl with the neko headphones and scowl on her face to notice.

You wandered down the shrimp chip aisle, pretending to look at all the different flavors. When she was close enough you took your shot.

“Hey, do you know anything about these garlic parsley chips? It’s my first time trying them and—”

“I don’t have any autographs or goodies on me, okay?” she quipped, ducking her head into the crux of her baggy grey hoodie. “Please, I’m just trying to enjoy some time off.”

Bewildered, you apologized. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother. It’s my first time so far from home and I was hoping for some guidance on what’s good here…I’ll just ask the clerk.”

Hana glared at you with narrowed eyes, looking between you and the package in your hand.

“Wait, you mean you didn’t pick them up because they’re Bunny Approved?”

“Am I supposed to know what that means?” you asked, looking at the pink-and-white bunny sprite in the top corner. 

Aside from its cutesy scowl, it had no significance to you. Sure, you’d noticed it on energy drinks, donuts, and other junk food, but you just thought it was a quirky cartoon character.

Here this gorgeous, albeit pissed woman was, staring at you like were from Mars. Cautiously, she held a hand out to you.

“I’m Hana, Hana Song.”

“I’m, ________. Nice to meet you.”

You shook her hand, ignoring the flutter in your chest, or the scent of bubblegum that accompanied her words. She smiled at you, pink whiskers on her cheeks molding around her dimples.

“Wanna grab some boba?” she said, hand still wrapped around yours. All you could do was nod.

Fast forward a year, and the two of you were inseparable. You’d packed up, moved to Seoul, and taken up streaming in-between your shifts as a mech technician.

In the time since you’d learned about your girlfriend’s fame and adapted to the unending swirl of fan attention it generated.

Which is exactly why you kept your love life separate from your hobbies. Your stream name was different than any of your other accounts, and you went to great lengths to keep all D.Va or MEKA-related inquiries confined to Hana’s Q&A with fans or other designated appearances.

You loved your girlfriend very much and wholly respected her prowess as both protector and master entertainer. Still, you were fiercely independent and wanted to carve out a name for yourself on your own, not just as “D.Va’s Significant Other.”

All of that went out the window when she started popping into your stream room mid-broadcast. At first, it was accidental. 

The visor on her mech had cracked during a mission and she needed a quick-seal before deploying for sentry duty that night. You were streaming Stardew, chatting with your regulars before you saw the chorus of messages.

OMG is that DVA?!?

______, you didn’t tell us you were dating her!!1

MEKA: activated. Bunny hop: on.

Can she say hi???

You looked behind you to see a Pepto-pink MEKA looming in the oversized doorway. To her credit, Hana handled it well, ejecting from the seat to apologize for barging in. Aside from the wet kiss and little wink she gave the camera, she kept the cutesy antics to a minimum, happy to let you be the star of your own show.  

Then it started happening with greater frequency. It became customary for her to hang out for a few, answer some questions from your viewers, and join you for stream sign-off. 

For the most part you didn’t mind, glad to have your girlfriend by your side. She wasn’t overbearing, and the two of you got to spend some rare downtime in the hour or so after.

Once the secret was out, you saw your stream stats go up until you were a starlet of your own regard. Still, it unnerved you at times, the idea that people only hung around to get a glimpse of the famous D.Va.

You made it through 3 hours of queued games tonight before she showed up, sending your chat into a frenzy once more. 

She was beat-up from combat, sections of her bodysuit singed with plasma ash and face smudged with dirt. Despite the exhaustion from a long day at work, her face lit up when she saw you.

Plopping in your lap, she gave you a big hug and kiss.

“I’m home!” she announced.

You pushed away from the keyboard, shifted her hips against the armrest to get comfortable. “I see that.”

No matter how much the media tried to paint her as a teenage darling, you saw the weight and sadness being in the MEKA program placed on her. 

Though barely 20, Hana was no longer a burgeoning mech pilot. She was a damned war veteran who chose everyday to plaster a smile on her face and emerge as D.Va, the Pink Ray of Hope. 

I know better.

“You still live?” said Hana, glancing at the blue light on your webcam.

“Yeah.” You could sense the urgency in her words, the glisten in her big brown eyes. She was breaking.

“Sign off.”

You did, making your excuses and ignoring the whinging from folks who didn’t get to see their “daily dose of D.Va.”

Choosing to ignore how grossly objectifying that sounded, you hit the “Stop Streaming” button.  Once the light went dark and your offline screen popped up, you twined your fingers in her hair.

“What happened today?”

“We went to Oasis,_____. I saw things there—terrible things the Omnics did, the experiments they conducted on children to give them powers. I just thought, ‘if I’d decided to go to school there instead of joining the MEKA pilots,’ I could’ve been one of them!”

You pulled away to see the depth of horror on her face. You’d heard of Oasis, knew the supposed “advancements” they made bordered on inhumane in their methods of discovery. Still, you never knew Hana had been invited to study there.

“Well you’re not, and you’re fighting evil which is all that matters,” you said, cradling her against your chest. 

She cried, hot tears wetting your shirt. You shushed her, rocking slightly and petting her hair.

It was times like this she felt fragile, liable to break under all the expectations the world hefted on her. You’d gone live tonight expecting to have an audience without Hana, hoping she’d forget to show at the end of stream.

Petty as it was, you wanted to have something all your own, felt insecure at times about the truth of your own growing community and their intentions.

If tonight proved anything to you, it was the power of your love. Sure, your community and your growing “fame” were cool—you’d be remiss to deny that. And sure, some of that clout might be bolstered by you dating one of the world’s top professional gamers.

But all of that meant nothing if your girl wasn’t okay. Watching her cheery, bright facade crack from the sheer volume of suffering, combat, and violence she was subjected to served as a grim reminder. 

Your community may come and go, your fame may grow or wane, but Hana was your everything.

Nuzzling her neck with soft kisses, you whispered in her ear: “You and me, love? We’re gonna save the world.”

Her teary grin and hiccup laugh lanced your chest—god, you loved this woman.

“Damn right.”  

[ghosty-schnibibit]

I posted 211 times in 2021

33 posts created (16%)

178 posts reblogged (84%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 5.4 posts.

I added 233 tags in 2021

#happy halloween! - 155 posts

#(part two bc i had too much stuff queued!) - 49 posts

#the magnus archives - 5 posts

#tma - 5 posts

#nightmare before christmas - 4 posts

#pokemon - 4 posts

#over the garden wall - 3 posts

#otgw - 3 posts

#never mind me - 3 posts

#ut - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#i'm waiting to see what happens but my bet is post+ gets discontinued within the month but not before someone's debit info gets stolen

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

i am not going outside again until all the bugs are dead, i have twenty fucking mosquito bites and they all itch

7 notes • Posted 2021-09-06 17:27:05 GMT

#4

me an hour ago: okay i’ve had welcome to the internet stuck in my head for the past week, i should just listen to the whole album and see what the fuss is about and if it’s really as affecting as everyone says

me now, listening to look who’s inside again on repeat and balling my eyes out: this was a MISTAKE

11 notes • Posted 2021-06-30 06:45:15 GMT

#3

hi!! I’m not really sure what the elevator thing is about? could I ask what it means? :o thank u!

i'm gonna try to answer this to the best of my ability and under the assumption that you haven't listened to taz and/or read the graphic novel adaptations, apologies if you have

in the first campaign of the dnd podcast "the adventure zone," it became a bit of a running joke that griffin (the dm) kept putting elevators in the podcast's dnd fantasy setting. at the time griffin was also pretty well known for making jokes about vore (basically people being swallowed whole, google at your own risk, it is usually discussed in a very NSFW context).

during the crystal kingdom arc, both of these running jokes combined into the character upsy, basically a talking elevator that refers to taking on passengers as them getting in his "belly" and whose insides are described as fleshy and slimy. the most information we get about how uspy came to be is that, apparently, when elevators were still a new invention in the world of the podcast's setting, uspy was created as a mascot character to help popularize them.

a much more significant plot point that's also introduced during the crystal kingdom arc is that the ghosts of people who've died can be pulled from the afterlife and stored in cores (which are described as looking like fuses) that can operate robotic bodies. it's notable that the scientist who discovered this process is a part of the family responsible for creating all the elevators in this world, and presumably one of his predecessors built upsy.

in the podcast it goes unexplained why upsy is so weird and creepy other than griffin likes a) elevators and b) vore jokes, hence "vore elevator," and it kind of went assumed that, in-universe, uspy was just programmed or designed to be Like That.

but in one of the last pages of the graphic novel adaptation, upsy makes a final appearance... with what appears to be one of the ghost-holding fuses installed in his base. thus implying that the "haha funny goof elevator vore joke" is controlled by the ghost of a dead person, which is a whole new level of horrible to think about.

tl:dr, the graphic novel adaptation of crystal kingdom made a vaguely disturbing joke character even more disturbing by implying that he used to be a real person who died and was brought back to life as a fleshy abomination of an elevator that jokes about eating people alive.

i hope that explains things anon, feel free to ask again for clarification if it doesn't

13 notes • Posted 2021-07-16 18:59:21 GMT

#2

i’m screaming this is the third night in the span of two weeks that i’ve gone downstairs and found a spider the size of a nickel by the corner of the baseboard, what the actual fuck

17 notes • Posted 2021-05-24 03:25:42 GMT

#1

i have some thoughts about the crystal kingdom gn that i will share in the morning when i’m less tired but this one tiny detail was haunting me and my brain would not let me sleep until i converted it into this

794 notes • Posted 2021-07-14 06:08:50 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[sept-dix]

soulmate! au (bae jinyoung)

summary: soulmate! au with baejin in which he’s still an idol who’s part of wanna one a/n: requested

so how it works is that soulmates share emotions

kind of

whenever your soulmate is feeling any type of extreme emotion, you feel it too

and vice versa

and apparently, according to everyone around you who had already met their own soulmates, you’ll just know when you meet yours?

apparently you’re supposed to feel like a rush of a range of emotions when you meet them for the first time, and you just know in your heart that you’ve met them

or whatever

sounds kinda sketchy to you but ok

anyways the one thing you’re thankful for is that whoever your soulmate was seemed to be relatively emotionless lol

he seemed to rarely feel any type of way extremely enough that you felt it too

most of the time growing up, you’d just feel a random sense of joy now and then

of course there were times when he got sad and angry too but those times were rare

but tbh you kind of felt bad for him bc although you were generally an optimistic and happy person, you’re also super short-tempered

so there must have been times when your soulmate who was having a perfectly good and happy day must have gotten fricking irritated out of nowhere

so you always make a mental note to yourself to apologise to him when you two finally meet lol

ok anyways things were going smoothly for about the first 15 years of your life

until suddenly you started to feel super down all the time?

like on some days you’d be going to school, doing your work, hanging out with your friends, doing whatever you usually do but there’d always be this dull ache and sort of.. hopelessness? at the back of your mind

it started out with you feeling this way for like 1 or 2 days in a few weeks but the frequency started increasing to the point where you were feeling like this almost every other day

the reason why you were feeling this way should have been obvious to you but for some reason you just couldn’t figure it out

guess it’s like how people sometimes miss what’s right under their nose

you try to think of reasons why you were feeling this way because honestly everything in your life was going relatively fine and you weren’t particularly having any big problems

you were having a particularly bad day once when you were hanging out with your friends and they notice

so they start asking you about it and once you confess that you have no idea why you’re so lost

they’re like “omg y/n... it’s obvious isn’t it? it’s your soulmate”

and it suddenly hits you and you’re like oh wtf....

and you get a little overwhelmed bc for some reason you’re thinking about how if you were already feeling so low all the time, your soulmate who was the actual person feeling the full force of the emotions must be going through such a hard time

what’s he going through that makes almost every other day so confusing and hard for him? assuming he’s around your age, he’s kinda young to have gone through anything too horrible

the thought breaks your heart

in fact you somehow feel so bad for him that you start tearing up

your friends are like oh y/n :((((

one thing you hate about all this though is that sometimes your own emotions get buried under your soulmates’

like now and then you feel sad or down because of your own life but because your soulmate was feeling that way pretty often you don’t even know whether you’re the one who’s sad or if it’s your soulmate

and this means you can’t even take care of yourself properly

the inherent flaw in the system tskkk

anyways after a few days one of your friends invites all of you over to her house to like hang out

and one of your friends is having a super bad day bc of her soulmate

wtf this kind of thing makes you hate the soulmate system so much because if one person is already sad then why does the universe have to double the feeling and increase the negativity index in the world? smh

in fact you’re so angry about it that you tell yourself to calm down bc if not your soulmate’s gonna feel it lol

so in order to cheer up your friend your other friend suggests you guys watch the second season of produce 101 which had started airing a while ago

and you’re all eager to agree bc y’all loved the first season

so you guys marathon the first few episodes of broduce and even from the first episode you have your eyes set on the mmo boys

i mean how could you not they are literally talking every five seconds

and their performance of A is not too bad and you’re especially interested in the guy with the pink hair like you think he dances super well

so this means that while watching the show you should be most affected by daniel right since you’re the most impressed by him?

wronggg

there’s this other trainee called baejin who looks super shy and anxious throughout the first few episodes and for some reason your heart breaks every time they show him struggling

like you empathise with him so much that you feel like you almost know exactly how he must feel?

you don’t even know much about this guy but you can tell how unsure and hesitant he is

as the weeks pass it becomes a tradition for you and your friends to come together every friday night and watch broduce together (where can i get friends like these lol)

you’re kind of surprised because in the episode where daniel gets ranked last in his sorry sorry team and the disappointment shines through in his eyes despite his smile

you’re more concerned and curious about what’s gonna happen to baejin

so like although you claim to your friends that daniel is your one pick they all know that it’s baejin lmao

as the episodes pass you are sooo glad and proud to see him gaining confidence

when you guys are watching the final episode and baejin is the center for hands on me you actually cRY because of how happy and proud you are

and when it’s announced that he’s going to debut? there are no words to explain how happy and relieved you are bc ur FAV MADE IT!!!

but as you’re watching the ending moments of the last episode and it’s late into the night and all your friends including yourself are sobbing messes

suddenly there’s a thought that sneaks its way into your mind

tbh you weren’t really feeling all sad and low recently? especially in the past few weeks

and it’s just that of course all of you guys were pretty emo about broduce but you were so particularly invested and focused on baejin

and considering the fact that you weren’t one to get so emotional about stuff like survival shows

you feel like it’s almost as if,,,,,,

never mind, you shut yourself up before you can even entertain the thought because it’s a ridiculous one and your friends would probably laugh at you if you voiced it out loud

so you just let it go and cry happy tears for baejin that night and a little bit more for your original fav daniel who has risen to the status of a king and a little more sad tears for jonghyun & the rest

anyways so yeah the days go on as usual after that and you get so busy with school stuff that you don’t really have time to pay too much attention to wanna one stuff

so like around a month later you’re with your friends as always hanging out when one of your friends is like

“hey guys i think wanna one just released their debut mv wanna watch”

and you guys are like hell yeah

so you watch

and the thing is??? you haven’t seen baejin for so long despite being so attached to him bc you’re so busy but the moment he appears on the screen again you’re so overwhelmed bc wtHECK you love this boy

you’re so happy watching them at their debut showcon

and you’re like wow i’m gonna be this boy’s fan forever he’s so talented and amazing and handsome and funny etc etc etc the list goes on 4ever

but as you’re thinking that there’s the other thought creeping into your mind again and you’re troubled

you think about it for a while

and decide that the only way to understand it is if you could meet him

which is nearly impossible because he’s a fricking superstar

but,,, they’re having their first fansign soon and although you don’t have enough money to like buy hundreds of albums to guarantee yourself a spot in it

you decide that maybe you could apply with just one album

if you got in, then it was the universe trying to make something happen

sounds kinda stupid and highly unlikely even to you but you have nothing to lose so you buy that album

((you get daehwi’s photocard lmao))

when the announcement for who got in is up you’re super anxious and you open the website and ???!!!!!

!?!?!!??!

your name is there??!!

you have to rub your eyes and squint a little to make sure that you’re not hallucinating but yes, your name is right there

you are overwhelmed to say the least

like you had no idea what to make of this because??? you literally bought ONE album?????? this has to be a joke

you know you should be grateful and thanking the lords for the miracle because that’s what this was - a damn miracle

and beyond that you’d never actually expected to make it this far but now that you’re here you have no idea what to do next

like you’re Actually gonna be meeting baejin (at the back of ur mind you’re kinda feeling lightheaded at the thought of daniel up close but mmm yeah)

and you want time to slow down so you can slowly plan everything out but of course not

time moves the fastest when you want it to pause

so when the day comes you spend like 3 whole hours getting ready with the help of your friends who are screaming at you because they can’t believe your luck

you don’t dare to tell them the actual reason behind why you applied bc you’re embarrassed lol

but anyways everything else passes in a blur and before you know it you’re inside the tiny fansign venue and the 11 members are right there in front of you

you purposely avoid looking at baejin bc it makes you super anxious and you’re afraid to do it but you do get a little distracted from your original intentions by the other members lol

after all you were a fan of them all

soon you’re queuing up to go talk to them and baejin is towards the middle of the members

you don’t even remember what you talked about with the first few members but once you get to baejin

and look at him

and he looks up at you and says hi?

you

are

floored

for a fleeting second you wonder if this was the feeling of being starstruck

but you look at him and..,,

why does he look starstruck too

“hi! what’s your name?”

he manages out after a second but his voice is kinda shaky and his wide eyes stay on yours

and you try to reply him but you can’t because your voice has run away

and after a second he just puts down the marker and looks at you with his eyes full of so many different emotions

and as cliched as it sounds, in that moment you know

after a few moments of silence you somehow manage to choke out your name

and baejin somehow manages to write it out and sign your album

just as he finishes signing and opens his mouth as if to finally say something, the security behind him looks over and gestures for you to move on to the next member

and your mind is telling your feet to move but somehow you stay rooted to the spot looking at baejin who looks like he has so many things to say

but in the end the security ends up asking you to move again and this time you do

you can’t say anything to the rest of the members because you are sooo conflicted like first of all??? baejin

second of all?? was this the end? you hadn’t even managed to say anything to him

so the rest of the time is a daze and the reality only hits you when you’re back at your seat

and you see him looking at your direction several times

you’re panicking though because you’ve missed your only chance to talk to him so how is anything gonna work out after this?

but suddenly you remember what your mother always told you about these things

if it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen. the universe will find a way to make it happen

surely enough, when the fansign wraps up and everyone leaves

you’ve just stepped out of the door when a burly big man comes towards you

“excuse me, is this y/n?”

one second you’re lowkey scared but you nod anyway

“i’m sorry, could you come back in for a second? bae jinyoung asked for you. i believe it’s something important”

drop me an ask or message me to tell me what u think! thank uuuu for reading <3

ps requests are open