#this is his perspective of self control

[curioscurio]

what if I told you johnlock was real in 2024

[alexiethymia]

[book spoilers]

Lockwood’s idea of a grand gesture is to be more of a fool than usual, more death-defying than usual, to make sure that Lockwood & Co. was always on front page news because if Lucy was the best then Lockwood & Co. could be nothing less than THE best agency to deserve her, to get her to return. And no, he doesn’t stop there. He may not have asked you to return on bended knee like you wanted Lucy, but like any proper gentleman caller he couldn’t come to your door empty-handed. He brings THE case, that one case that Lucy could never refuse coming from Fittes herself. I bet he spent all those four months searching for that one case. Because see the plan was always for her to return and Lockwood has always been an end-justifies-the-means kind of guy. And the way he gets her on board speaks a lot about his own character and how well he knows Lucy.

Lockwood has always been slightly manipulative and he uses the full force of that skill during that reunion with Lucy. Every move was calculated. From his suit he wears like armor, each one carefully chosen. An old coat that reminds them of a case they worked on together, an immaculate new suit (Really? Just to hire her again?), and to top it all of, a tie which Lucy specifically gave him. He catches her off guard, he doesn’t give her time to get her bearings. He knows asking her outright to return wouldn’t work. Even if he did beg, that already failed when he ended up so angry that he left Lucy behind in that cafe (the fact that Lockwood who prides himself on being a gentleman could leave a girl, and Lucy of all people, shows that his emotions were completely haywire that day). In other words, Lucy’s stubbornness proved stronger than his own. So he had to change tactics. He had to make sure that her returning would be all her idea, that she would return all on her own.

Because see, he didn’t need a case to see her. He could have visited at any time after they didn’t have closure when Lucy snuck away in the dawn to leave. He could have normalized ties between them and remained friends even as Lucy was now a freelance agent. But he didn’t. He made sure they didn’t have closure. He didn’t even acknowledge her leaving because to do otherwise would make it final. On Lucy’s end I think she wouldn’t have minded if they could be friends and talk casually together again. She wanted it. But that’s not what Lockwood wanted. He wouldn’t have been satisfied unless Lucy was back home with them. Like a jilted lover, he needed a grand gesture to draw her back in.

So he does everything. He lies. “I wouldn’t ask you again to return.” “It’s just a one-off.” “One night, two max.” But and even though Lucy couldn’t fully see through him, what they really meant, she did pick up on signs of him fraying and unraveling. The uncertain smile that was simultaneously just for her and was shades paler than his usual gigawatt smile, the slight bitterness that she was willing to work with other agencies but not his, that studied nonchalance as if he wasn’t keeping track of her progress and whereabouts the same way Lucy tried not to follow news of Lockwood and Co., the deflection, deflection, deflection.

He doesn’t answer properly regarding Holly because he still thinks she might have had something to do with Lucy leaving.

“George didn’t like it.” This is his mixing up of I and we tendency again but way worse. For him to use George to say that she was missed was egregious because couldn’t he just say that he missed her? Or even we missed you, we didn’t like it [the idea of replacing you]. It wouldn’t be so strange. He is as much her friend as George. Unless her leaving cut him more deeply. And we know he represses that sh*t. So he doesn’t even include himself in the equation anymore maybe because he thought it would make Lucy uncomfortable because not even him losing control of his emotions, being exposed and raw could get her to stay. Or at least that’s what he tells himself when in reality he’s fortified his barriers once again. He made himself open for Lucy, all the anger he’d kept tightly locked inside, and still - she left. So he can’t even talk to Lucy anymore without using someone or something as a conduit, projecting himself because he can’t expose himself to that sort of vulnerability again until he accomplishes his goal. So yeah there’s plenty of bitterness on his part, but what trumps that, always trumps it and his pride (because I’m sure part of him expected that Lucy would come back earlier on her own so he was just waiting and when that didn’t happen because see in a contest of wills Lucy’s would always trump his own, he’s weak when it comes to her, he’s the one who comes to her instead) - is that base desire for her to just come back.

[patriamrealm]

Today was a good day. Nobori kept his eye on the boy running around with his cloak while he hooked a cooking pot to to the upper support of the newly built yurt. The other wardens were busy with their own duties finalizing their work on the yurt outside. It had only been one week since Lian’s Warden ceremony. Per custom all the older wardens aided in creating the boy’s home in in the Heartwoods.

They were nearly done but it was his duty to both ensure the inside of the yurt had everything it needed in its proper place as well as keep the newest warden from going outside. He was not to see the painting the others were doing until they were finished. Pulling on the hanging metal he insured that it was not about to fall anytime soon. Once satisfied he settled down near the unlit hearth.

Grey eyes watched Lian spin about making the old damaged cloak flair. He couldn’t help a small crackling chuckle at how the boy was drowning in the fabric. Brown eyes snapped to him

“What? What’s so funny?” Lian asked and plopped down before him head slightly tilted with a grin.

“Oh nothing, just thinking about how only 5 years ago you were causing everyone so much trouble.” The boy gasped dramatically in false offense.

“I did not cause trouble!” He leaned back with his exclamation.

Nobori laughed loudly and took the hat from his own head to tug it down Lian’s head, happy with the laughter it got out of the 10 year old.

“Oh you were such a troublemaker, I seem to recall finding you out in freezing temperatures completely alone harassing the Pokémon. However, I am proud of how far you have come and I am excited to see what heights you reach next.” His voice undercurrent with a proud rolling chime.

Lian pulled the hat down further over his eyes and groaned, Nobori could see the tips of his ears turn a rosy red.

“You’re such a grandpa” and Nobori couldn’t help but laugh loudly. He couldn’t remember the age he must have died at, couldn’t even recall his own name still. Many assumed he had been an elder of 60 at the youngest and he didn’t know enough to refute it. He didn’t mind being called grandfather, all familial honorifics made his soul fire twist and burn warmer in his chest. Each time patching up the hole left behind from people he loved and lost but could not remember.

It reminded him that he not only had a community but a family. Reaching over he straightened the hat so it sat somewhat properly on Lian’s head, perhaps he should see about getting the child a hat of his own? But that was a thought for another day.

Palina chose that moment to poke her head in. A bright smile on the young woman’s face, paint splattered on her hands and face.

“Lian you can come out now, it’s time to claim your new space and duty” She stood aside as the boy jumped up and rushed out, the oversized cloak left behind in his rush. Nobori took his time, thanking Palina when she offered her assistance.

“Well then, let’s not keep them waiting” he chimed happily while draping the worn clothing apparel over an arm. Palina nodded and hooked an arm around one of his to lead him out. Yes today was a very good day indeed.

[dnangelic]

dark will always take up immediate issue with those who mock love or emotion as weak i think. irrational at times? sure, he can agree. sensitive, vulnerable? absolutely; inherently, (as a synonym for sincere,) but the moment someone starts legitimately calling love a weakness or an exposed vein only meant to be punctured and drained from, that's when he starts to get angry. dark, as someone who already bears an inherent callousness and apathy, who knows just how easy it is to be cruel, destructive and belligerent, always admires daisuke for the boy's heart and tender, stubborn emotion. like sugisaki's interview mentions, dark is likely someone who bears continuous witness to and understands just how much intense effort can go into someone doing their best in trying to be kind to others; he thinks that he himself never could, at least not even close to the same way that daisuke steadily tries to maintain. those that would mock or scoff at daisuke's, if not the overall idea of kindness, dark won't hesitate to snap at and call weak, pathetic, or cowardly in return. those who prey on others' feelings and scorn or abuse them aren't proving that kindness is a 'weakness;' they're only fouling good things that could have even otherwise been their own with their own 'malicious crap and garbage.'

[deivorous]

..

[princesssarisa]

In the past I've shared other people's musings about the different interpretations of the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. Namely, why Orpheus looks back at Eurydice, even though he knows it means he'll lose her forever. So many people seem to think they've found the one true explanation of the myth. But to me, the beauty of myths is that they have many possible meanings.

So I thought I would share a list of every interpretation I know, from every serious adaptation of the story and every analysis I've ever heard or read, of why Orpheus looks back.

One interpretation – advocated by Monteverdi's opera, for example – is that the backward glance represents excessive passion and a fatal lack of self-control. Orpheus loves Eurydice to such excess that he tries to defy the laws of nature by bringing her back from the dead, yet that very same passion dooms his quest fo fail, because he can't resist the temptation to look back at her.

He can also be seen as succumbing to that classic "tragic flaw" of hubris, excessive pride. Because his music and his love conquer the Underworld, it might be that he makes the mistake of thinking he's entirely above divine law, and fatally allows himself to break the one rule that Hades and Persephone set for him.

Then there are the versions where his flaw is his lack of faith, because he looks back out of doubt that Eurydice is really there. I think there are three possible interpretations of this scenario, which can each work alone or else co-exist with each other. From what I've read about Hadestown, it sounds as if it combines all three.

In one interpretation, he doubts Hades and Persephone's promise. Will they really give Eurydice back to him, or is it all a cruel trick? In this case, the message seems to be a warning to trust in the gods; if you doubt their blessings, you might lose them.

Another perspective is that he doubts Eurydice. Does she love him enough to follow him? In this case, the warning is that romantic love can't survive unless the lovers trust each other. I'm thinking of Moulin Rouge!, which is ostensibly based on the Orpheus myth, and which uses Christian's jealousy as its equivalent of Orpheus's fatal doubt and explicitly states "Where there is no trust, there is no love."

The third variation is that he doubts himself. Could his music really have the power to sway the Underworld? The message in this version would be that self-doubt can sabotage all our best efforts.

But all of the above interpretations revolve around the concept that Orpheus looks back because of a tragic flaw, which wasn't necessarily the view of Virgil, the earliest known recorder of the myth. Virgil wrote that Orpheus's backward glance was "A pardonable offense, if the spirits knew how to pardon."

In some versions, when the upper world comes into Orpheus's view, he thinks his journey is over. In this moment, he's so ecstatic and so eager to finally see Eurydice that he unthinkingly turns around an instant too soon, either just before he reaches the threshold or when he's already crossed it but Eurydice is still a few steps behind him. In this scenario, it isn't a personal flaw that makes him look back, but just a moment of passion-fueled carelessness, and the fact that it costs him Eurydice shows the pitilessness of the Underworld.

In other versions, concern for Eurydice makes him look back. Sometimes he looks back because the upward path is steep and rocky, and Eurydice is still limping from her snakebite, so he knows she must be struggling, in some versions he even hears her stumble, and he finally can't resist turning around to help her. Or more cruelly, in other versions – for example, in Gluck's opera – Eurydice doesn't know that Orpheus is forbidden to look back at her, and Orpheus is also forbidden to tell her. So she's distraught that her husband seems to be coldly ignoring her and begs him to look at her until he can't bear her anguish anymore.

These versions highlight the harshness of the Underworld's law, and Orpheus's failure to comply with it seems natural and even inevitable. The message here seems to be that death is pitiless and irreversible: a demigod hero might come close to conquering it, but through little or no fault of his own, he's bound to fail in the end.

Another interpretation I've read is that Orpheus's backward glance represents the nature of grief. We can't help but look back on our memories of our dead loved ones, even though it means feeling the pain of loss all over again.

Then there's the interpretation that Orpheus chooses his memory of Eurydice, represented by the backward glance, rather than a future with a living Eurydice. "The poet's choice," as Portrait of a Lady on Fire puts it. In this reading, Orpheus looks back because he realizes he would rather preserve his memory of their youthful, blissful love, just as it was when she died, than face a future of growing older, the difficulties of married life, and the possibility that their love will fade. That's the slightly more sympathetic version. In the version that makes Orpheus more egotistical, he prefers the idealized memory to the real woman because the memory is entirely his possession, in a way that a living wife with her own will could never be, and will never distract him from his music, but can only inspire it.

Then there are the modern feminist interpretations, also alluded to in Portrait of a Lady on Fire but seen in several female-authored adaptations of the myth too, where Eurydice provokes Orpheus into looking back because she wants to stay in the Underworld. The viewpoint kinder to Orpheus is that Eurydice also wants to preserve their love just as it was, youthful, passionate, and blissful, rather than subject it to the ravages of time and the hardships of life. The variation less sympathetic to Orpheus is that Euyridice was at peace in death, in some versions she drank from the river Lethe and doesn't even remember Orpheus, his attempt to take her back is selfish, and she prefers to be her own free woman than be bound to him forever and literally only live for his sake.

With that interpretation in mind, I'm surprised I've never read yet another variation. I can imagine a version where, as Orpheus walks up the path toward the living world, he realizes he's being selfish: Eurydice was happy and at peace in the Elysian Fields, she doesn't even remember him because she drank from Lethe, and she's only following him now because Hades and Persephone have forced her to do so. So he finally looks back out of selfless love, to let her go. Maybe I should write this retelling myself.

Are any of these interpretations – or any others – the "true" or "definitive" reason why Orpheus looks back? I don't think so at all. The fact that they all exist and can all ring true says something valuable about the nature of mythology.

[brown-little-robin]

When Mob exorcises Dimple for the first time, he taps his fingers on Dimple's forehead and says: 僕は最低だ。That gets translated "I'm terrible" or "I'm the worst" in English.

Those are pretty vague words in English, though, so I paused the show to look it up. (took me a hot minute to find the listing for the word 最低, too, which means I'll probably remember it forever, but that's not relevant, lol.) SO. Mob says "boku wa saitei da"— I am 最低. Turns out that "the worst" is a pretty great translation, because it captures both the aspect of "least (lowest in some category)" and "most repugnant" from the original word.

This is awful. Obviously. No 14-year-old should be calling himself that in full honesty. But that's not the point I want to get across:

The exact moment that Mob uses the word 最低 for himself is worth noting! Dimple has just jumped at Mob for a killing blow, proclaiming that in the battle between them, lived battle experience will determine who's the winner. Dimple is judging himself and Mob against each other on a scale of battle skill. The only variable he cares about is power. And when Mob wipes him out, clearly Mob is the winner of their contest. From Dimple's perspective, Mob should be saying he's 最高—saikou, the antonym of saitei, meaning "the best/highest". But Mob is judging himself by a completely different variable—the ability to control himself. That's why he calls himself the worst. It's a moment of self-loathing, yes, but not out of nowhere—he's correcting Dimple and re-contextualizing their fight as a failure on his part, not a victory for anyone.

[jubileemon]

In the music video, Blitzø is represented by the Moon, while Stolas is associated with the ocean, initially walking on it before being submerged in it. This is actually very symbolic of their dynamic. The Moon controls the tides, but at the same time, it orbits around the Earth. Blitzø relies on Stolas and is drawn to the force of his power that he needs to accomplish his goals. However, Stolas is controlled by Blitzø's gravity as well, to the point of drowning in his emotions for the imp. They both profoundly affect one another.

Even the string that ties Blitzø and Stolas together is deeply symbolic. The majority is Stolas's blue, which is representing how much he's put into the relationship so far, as well as the massive amounts of feelings he's going through dealing with possibly losing Bitzø once he gives him the crystal. He has so much length to it because he's being so much more open about his feelings as well.

Meanwhile Blitzø's red is barely there because he doesn't, and possibly can't, put more into the relationship than he currently does. He has so much self-hatred that it's almost impossible for him to love anyone romantically, considering he doesn't even love himself. That and he's scared to put himself out there only to be hurt. He shows so few emotions and so his portion of string is immensely shorter. When it snaps, it all goes back to red on his end as all his trauma and repressed emotions about it flood back and envelope him in the moon once more.

Pay attention to the size of the moon. At first the moon was small, that is, these "walls" were thin or insignificant (this can be recognized from the childhood of Blitzo and Stolas, Blitzo was full of enthusiasm and hope, but now it is slowly fading away). Previously, Blitzo was more open, but after many events in his life, his walls began to increase (he was used by his father for profit, his best friend Fizzaroli suffered because of him, etc.), and eventually became huge and impenetrable (he does not share many things, not even with his own daughter, and he's afraid to trust Stolas on purpose). Even Stolas, with his tall stature, cannot compare with them. This literally shows that Blitzo can't trust anyone.

Stolas sees this and tries to break through them, but until they talk, the walls will not be possible to get through. It is precisely because this "barrier" cannot be destroyed that Stolas will give Blitzo the opportunity not to depend on him because of some kind of grimoire. The Moon's increasing size may also indicate that Blitzo is becoming a significant figure to Stolas. He wants to be with Blitzo not only physically (by type of sexual attraction), but also emotionally. In other words: Stolas fell in love with Blitzo seriously, not in childhood, when it was just sympathy, but real love, which is difficult to get rid of.

The symbolism of Blitzo as the Moon is very reflective of his and Stolas' relationship. Not only is it a callback to the fact that they mostly see each other once a month on a full moon to do “the deed”, but it it's also just a great metaphor for Blitzo as a character. Humanity has been fascinated by the Moon for a long time and tried to reach it for centuries and it was only in 1969 (relatively recently) that they managed to do it. The moon had always been this gorgeous, desirable, yet unreachable thing and that's exactly what Blitzo's love is from Stolas’ perspective.

Stolas' love for Blitzo is represented by the moon. First small and bright, something he can hold close and dear. Then larger, something harder to hold but something still fully within his grasp. Then at the end, impossibly large while also just out of reach

The moon also mirrors the power dynamics between Stolas and Blitzø, at the start with Stolas holding all the power, then Stolas putting himself at Blitzø’s level when he finally tries to look deeper and see what Blitzø needs and his walls. Then the moon grows larger than Stolas as he intends to give Blitzø the crystal so he doesn’t have to depend on him anymore. And now the power in the relationship shifted towards Blitzø. Whether the relationship continues is now up to him.

[en-dazedafterdark]

meddle about (with me)

READ PART 1 HERE

PAIRINGS: ex! heeseung x reader x fwb! sunghoon (but this is very very heavily sunghoon focused, heeseung is barely in it lol)

GENRE: smut, porn with plot, angst, attempted fluff

SYNOPSIS: sleeping with your ex is complicated enough without having to deal with your growing feelings for your friends with benefits

WARNINGS: protected sex (for once) but also unprotected sex (stay safe!), oral (m receiving), shower sex, mentions of alcohol and drinking, this switches povs so many times you may get whiplash but i also wanted to get in sunghoon’s head for this one, i still don’t know how to do warnings

WORD COUNT: 11.9k

A/N: likes, reblogs and any interactions are appreciated <3 i’m not super happy with how this turned out cause i overthought it a lot but let me know if you guys like it!

Sunghoon wasn’t usually the type to be so self destructive. He liked to keep things in perspective, to know when it was time to move on and to know when to take a step back. He always prided himself on being the kind of person that was in control, that could push his feelings aside when he needed to. He always thought he was better than this.

So how the fuck did he end up in this position?

He hadn't meant for it to happen. He knew he should have backed off the moment he had woken up next to you for the first time, knew that it had been a bad idea from the start. You were already dealing with enough and he knew it wasn't right, knew that he shouldn't do this to you.

But then he woke up and your lips were still on his mind. You were still there in his arms, your hair tickling his skin and the scent of your perfume in his nose. You were still so close that he could feel your heart beating next to his, could hear your breath when you let out a small sigh. It made him so fucking happy that he thought he might lose his mind.

He was an idiot. He knew that. He had known this was wrong, known that this would never end well. You were his best friends ex and he had no right to get involved with you. Bro code and all that bullshit.

“You're a fucking idiot Hoon," Sunghoon whispered. He leaned back on his palms, his eyes trained on you as he looked down at your face. Your hair was still messy, your eyes still puffy as you slept. Your lips were parted and your skin was flushed.

He let out a groan, knowing that this had been a terrible idea.

You stirred slightly, making him suck in a deep breath. You moved your head, letting out a small whimper and he bit his lip to keep himself from groaning.

You were so beautiful that it made him ache. 

“Heard you’ve been spending a lot of time with Y/N lately.” Heeseung had said that night at the bar, right before you had sauntered in with your friends as if you were summoned by their words. Heeseung had taken a long drink, his eyes burning into him.

He had laughed, trying to play it off as he could feel Heeseung glaring at him. He knew he couldn't tell him exactly how much time you spent together - or worse, what you did when you did spend time together. 

“Yeah, she and I are friends. Why do you care so much about her anyways? You broke up with her.”

Heeseung shrugged. "Doesn't mean I don't worry about her."

Sunghoon had looked at Heeseung then, his brow furrowing as he tried to understand what was going through his head. He wasn't sure what to make of it, wasn't sure why Heeseung had said it.

"Just be careful with her," Heeseung said, putting his beer down. "She's going through a lot."

Sunghoon had scoffed, shaking his head. "You're telling me that?"

Heeseung's jaw had ticked, but he said nothing more. Sunghoon wasn't stupid. He knew Heeseung well enough to know when something was wrong, knew that there was something in his best friend's mind that he didn't understand.

“Why did you break up with her if you care about her so much? You treated her like shit Heeseung. You left her without so much as a word. What the fuck did she ever do to you?"

"You don't understand-"

"No," Sunghoon interrupted. "I don't."

Heeseung's face had gone dark. "We're done talking about this."

That was when Sunghoon noticed you. You had been with your friends, all of you laughing loudly and sharing drinks with other people. You were so pretty that Sunghoon couldn't take his eyes off you. You wore a skirt, your long legs on full display as you laughed.

Heeseung had looked at him and Sunghoon had seen the jealousy on his face. He had wanted to laugh, knowing how fucked up the situation was.

"She looks good," Sunghoon said, still staring at you. "Doesn't she?"

Heeseung had cleared his throat. "I'm gonna head home."

"So early? Come on, stay."

Heeseung shook his head. "I'm tired."

"You sure you're not just running away from Y/N?"

Heeseung had glared at him. "I'm not running from anything. I'll see you tomorrow."

He had gotten up and left, leaving Sunghoon alone in the bar. Sunghoon took another gulp of his drink, not noticing the way you had disappeared from the bar before Heeseung had left. 

He didn’t know if he regretted following Heeseung out of the bar or not. He had just wanted to talk to him, to understand what the fuck was going on. 

He really was not expecting to see Heeseung with you, to see him kissing you or to hear your quiet moans.

Sunghoon was jealous. It was a strange feeling for him and he wasn't sure he liked it. He had never wanted anyone the way he wanted Heeseung and when he saw him kissing you he knew he had to have you too. So when Heeseung had offered to share you with him - of course he said yes.

He wasn't stupid enough to think this was going to end well. He knew you still had feelings for Heeseung, knew that you still cared for him. He couldn't even begin to imagine how you felt after Heeseung had left you and how fucked up everything had gotten between the three of you.

But fuck, did you feel good.

Sunghoon leaned forward, watching you stir again. You let out a groan, moving your head. He reached out, pushing your hair out of your face. You opened your eyes slowly, blinking up at him as if you didn't know where you were.

"Hi," Sunghoon whispered.

You whimpered, closing your eyes. You took a deep breath before your eyes opened again. You blinked at him, your eyes softening.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Sleepy," you whispered.

Sunghoon smiled. "It's still early."

You turned your head, looking over at the clock. It was only a few minutes after six in the morning. You rolled back onto your back, staring up at him. Sunghoon ran his fingers down your arm, staring at you.

"How do you feel?" he whispered.

You let out a sigh. "Tired. A bit sore."

"Good or bad sore?"

You bit your lip. "Good."

Sunghoon nodded, his lips curling into a smile. "You were really loud last night."

You blushed, covering your face with your hands. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he said. "I like it."

"Stop," you whispered.

"I can't help it," he said. "You just sound so good."

"Stop," you whined in embarrassment.

He laughed, pushing your hands away from your face. "It's the truth."

You whined, hiding your face with a pillow. You turned on your side, hiding yourself from him. You were still blushing and Sunghoon was trying his hardest not to smile as he stared at you.

"Do you want me to get you something to eat?" he asked. "I can make you some food if you want. Or do you want me to run you a bath? You can soak for a while and then I'll make you something to eat."

"I don't want to move," you murmured into the pillow.

"Okay," Sunghoon said. "I'll get you some water. Maybe a few Advil for your headache too."

“How did you know I have a headache?”

He leaned down, kissing the back of your neck. He placed another kiss on your shoulder as you shivered.

"Just a guess." moo omg im sorry idk what this was

You pushed your hands into the pillow, trying to get yourself under control. You could feel his lips on your skin, feel the way his fingers were dragging along your spine as he kissed you. He reached the nape of your neck, placing a kiss on your skin.

"What are you doing?" you whispered, pushing back against him.

Sunghoon nipped your earlobe, letting out a quiet groan. "I want to take care of you."

You swallowed hard, closing your eyes. You didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say as he kissed the nape of your neck. You were still exhausted and still in a little bit of pain from last night, but fuck if it didn't make you wet.

"I'm so tired," you said.

"Then I'll stop," he said, placing a kiss on your skin. "I don't want you to think I'm trying to force you into something you don't want."

"You're not."

"I'm not?" He pushed back, letting you roll onto your back. You stared up at him, your eyes wide as he looked down at you.

"I mean..." you licked your lips. "I didn't say I didn't want you."

"But you're tired?"

You nodded. "I feel like I can't keep my eyes open."

“Then let me do everything," he said, leaning down and kissing your forehead. He grabbed your hands, placing a kiss on each palm before he placed them over your head. "I'll take care of you."

You stared up at him, letting him kiss your skin as he did so. You closed your eyes, trying to keep yourself from pushing your hips up as you felt yourself getting wet.

"You're so pretty," he said. "It makes me crazy."

"Hoon-"

"Just let me touch you," he whispered, trailing his lips down your skin.

You bit your lip, nodding. "Okay."

Sunghoon let out a low groan, placing another kiss on the skin of your neck before he placed another on the base of your throat. He continued to trail his lips along your skin, making you squirm as he moved down your chest. You kept your hands where he had put them, moaning quietly when he placed a kiss on your nipples.

"Hoon-"

He smirked, kissing your breasts as he nipped your skin. You groaned, arching your back as he wrapped his mouth around one of your nipples, his fingers circling around the other.

You moaned again, unable to stop yourself as he licked your nipples and squeezed your breasts. You gasped, your hands gripping the sheets tightly as Sunghoon continued to kiss your skin.

You whined, gasping out when he began to kiss your stomach. He kissed you slowly, leaving you panting. He placed his hands on your hips, holding them tightly as he kissed down your bellybutton. You whimpered, watching him as he kissed your hipbones.

"You're so pretty," he murmured. "You're so fucking beautiful."

You bit your lip, letting out a small groan. You covered your face, feeling embarrassed from his compliments.

Sunghoon smirked, leaning back up. You opened your eyes, looking up at him as he grabbed your wrists.

"I want to see your face."

You looked up at him obediently, letting him place kisses on your wrists and your palms. You stared up at him, letting him pull your arms from your face. He placed a kiss on your forehead and then another on your eyelids.

He leaned down, kissing you softly, his lips molding to yours. You kissed him back, moaning quietly as he licked your lips. You parted them, letting his tongue lick yours and you reached up, wrapping your arms around his neck. He moved his hips, grinding his crotch against you as you kissed him. You gasped into his mouth, opening your eyes.

He stared down at you, his eyes dark. "I can stop if you want."

"Don't you dare."

Sunghoon grinned, leaning down and kissing you again. You moaned into his mouth, pushing your hips up against his. You were still sore, but you didn't care.

You let Sunghoon pull your arms over your head, holding you in place as he kissed you. He rolled his hips again, moaning quietly as you kissed him. You could feel his cock, hard in his boxers as he moved on top of you.

"Please-" you whispered, unable to hold back any longer. "I need you."

He groaned, trailing kisses down your neck as he grinded against you. "You'll get me. I'm not going anywhere."

You shook your head, rolling your hips. You wanted more, wanted all of him as you kissed him again. You felt him place his hand between your legs and you spread them, whining as he pressed against your pussy.

You had been wet since you woke up, but he was making it worse. He rubbed his finger against your pussy, letting out a groan. He kissed your neck again, his hips rolling against you as you pushed against him.

You were already so sensitive from last night, but it didn't matter. You were so turned on that you couldn't stand it anymore. You wanted to come, wanted to come so badly that you would probably be able to pass out.

Sunghoon pressed his finger against your clit and you gasped, crying out quietly. You spread your legs wider, wrapping them around his waist as he kept you pinned down.

You rolled your hips, wanting more as you panted. Sunghoon was moving his fingers over you slowly, making you moan out as you moved your hips. You were already so worked up and you felt like you could come any second.

He rubbed a bit harder, making you whine. You were so close, so close that you couldn't stand it anymore. You opened your eyes, looking at him as he stared down at you.

"Stop teasing me," you moaned, clamping down on his fingers with your thighs. "Fuck me, please."

He bit his lip, staring down at you. He let go of your arms, pulling his boxers off. You watched him as he grabbed a condom out of your bedside table. He placed it over his cock, leaning down and kissing you. You opened your mouth, letting him kiss you as he moved against you again. You pushed your hips up, feeling him press against your entrance. You reached up, running your fingers through his hair as he pressed into you.

He groaned, pushing into you slowly. You wrapped your legs around him, gasping as he filled you up. He felt bigger than last night, stretching you out and you were already so worked up that you felt like you could come with a single thrust.

You moaned, feeling him spread you wide. He pulled back, thrusting into you again and you squeezed your eyes shut, gasping. You arched your back, wrapping your arms around him. He kissed your neck, moving slowly and you whimpered as he picked up speed.

He groaned, grinding against you and you opened your eyes, looking up at him. He was staring at you, watching you as he moved. You were so worked up that you couldn't keep your eyes open, your breath hitching in your throat. He squeezed your ass, pushing into you harder and you cried out, digging your nails into his skin.

"You're so good," he murmured, kissing you again. "So tight and so fucking beautiful."

"Oh god-"

Sunghoon let out a moan, burying his face in your neck as you moved your hips up to meet him. He moved his hands up your body, gripping your waist tightly as he thrust into you.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him close to you. You rolled your hips along with his, feeling him spread you wider as he moved his hips. You could hear his breath on your neck, feel the way his hair was tickling your face as he groaned.

He felt so good, moving slowly as you moved with him. He grabbed your thigh, moving it to his shoulder. You were completely spread for him now and he leaned down, placing a kiss on your thigh as you moaned.

"So fucking gorgeous," he murmured against your skin.

You clenched around him, feeling him press against your G-spot as he thrust into you. He moved so slowly, his fingers digging into your skin. You felt so close, so close to coming and he knew it too. He kept pressing against that spot, making your thighs shake.

He kissed you, swallowing your moans. You moved your hands down his back, digging your nails into his back as you approached your high. You were so close that you didn't want to move, didn't want to do anything but keep him inside of you.

Sunghoon leaned down, kissing your shoulder as he kept thrusting into you. He was moaning softly into your ear, groaning as you clenched around him. He picked up the pace, moving faster and you cried out, squeezing your eyes shut as he fucked you.

"Come on," he murmured in your ear. "Come for me."

"Hoon-" you whined, biting your lip. You felt the tears spring into your eyes, felt your chest start to tighten. "I'm going to come."

"Good girl," he whispered in your ear. "Do it. I want you to come all over my cock."

"Oh my god," you whispered, covering your face with your hands. His words were enough to push you over the edge. You opened your mouth, crying out as you came all over his cock. You felt him move faster, fucking you through your orgasm.

He groaned, thrusting into you a few more times before he stilled inside of you. You let out a quiet whimper, letting him take your arms off his back and move you into his arms. He held you close, kissing your face and neck as you came down from your high. You wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his neck as he placed a kiss on your head.

You slowly untangled your legs from around him, whining as you felt his cock slide out of you. Sunghoon pressed a kiss on your cheek, letting go of your waist and you slowly opened your eyes, looking up at him.

He was smiling down at you and you could feel your face start to burn.

"What?" you whispered.

"Nothing," he said.

You frowned at him, watching as he pulled the condom off and threw it into the waste bin. You sat up slowly, feeling your body ache as you did so. You bit your lip, watching him as he grabbed some tissues to clean himself off.

You leaned back on your elbows, watching him. You wanted to say something, wanted to ask him why he had been smiling, but you couldn't find the words.

You didn't know what you were feeling right now.

You felt good, of course. You had just had sex with someone and it had been amazing. But there was still this tight feeling in your chest that you didn't understand.

A feeling of guilt, maybe.

You had told yourself that you would be okay with this, that this was all just no strings attached. But as you stared at Sunghoon, as you looked at his smile as he leaned down and kissed you, you knew you were wrong.

The lines between no strings attached and real strings attached were blurrier than you thought.

"I think you should leave."

Sunghoon looked up, his smile slipping off his face. "What?"

"I think you should go," you said. You pulled the blanket up higher, looking away from him.

"What?" Sunghoon repeated.

"I'm tired," you said. "I just want to sleep now."

Sunghoon watched you for a moment, before he let out a sigh. "Okay."

He pulled on some clothes, staring at you as you lay in bed. He grabbed his keys, his wallet, and his phone before he left, closing the door behind him. You let out a shaky breath, rolling over onto your back.

This was for the better. Waking up together, showering together, eating together… that wasn’t what you both had signed up for. What you wanted wasn’t a relationship. What you wanted was a distraction.

That was it.

It became easy to pretend that what had happened between the three of you never happened. It was like Heeseung had never come back into your life at all. 

For days afterwards you had waited for a text, a call, anything to come from Heeseung but nothing ever came. There was no explanation, no apology, nothing.

You should have been angry. You should have been furious. Instead, you felt sad. You didn't know why you were sad, but you felt so empty. You were trying to go about your day to day business, trying to convince yourself that everything was fine when you knew it wasn't.

Sunghoon avoided the topic as well. You were both trying to pretend that nothing had happened, but you knew that Sunghoon was lying when he said it was okay. He wasn't okay, and neither were you.

It was obvious to you that Sunghoon’s feelings had started to change. 

What was just casual sex became more as he asked you to hang out with him more. He always had something to do with you, whether it was just hanging out in his room or going to the store for some ice cream. He was always touching you, whether it be a hand on the back or a kiss on the cheek.

He even started to sleep over more. You had both agreed to sleep with each other whenever you wanted to, and at first you thought that was what it was, but you soon found out that Sunghoon started to spend the night more often than not.

He would text you good morning and good night. He would ask you if he could see you the next day and you would tell him that you couldn't because you were busy. You knew he knew you were lying.

You were scared. You knew that sooner or later you were going to have to address the fact that he was starting to have feelings for you, and you knew you couldn't handle it. You didn't want to hurt him or yourself, so you kept it bottled up.

So you dealt with it by pushing him away. 

“What are you doing this weekend?"

"Nothing."

"Wanna come to my place? We can watch a movie or something?"

"I can't."

It was always the same answers. You knew that Sunghoon didn't believe that you were busy when in reality, you were just too scared to see him. He seemed hurt, but he never said anything about it. You were thankful for that, but at the same time you hated yourself for pushing him away.

It didn’t really help that your first instinct whenever you were drunk or lonely (or both at the same time, more often than not) was to text Sunghoon.

And Sunghoon was there for you every time.

He came running whenever you called, eager to hold you and kiss you and please you in any way that he could. You hated yourself for being so desperate for attention that you would go to him over and over again, and he always accepted you.

It wasn't enough for you.

You needed to forget about Heeseung. Sunghoon was the next best thing.

The only problem with this was that Sunghoon was also a distraction for you. Every time you were alone, you could feel your thoughts drift to him. It made it hard for you to concentrate on anything else when you knew he was around.

It had gotten so bad that you couldn't go a day without seeing Sunghoon, and it was driving you insane.

You thought you were over it. You thought that you once you were able to forget about Heeseung and his smile and his perfect hair and his perfect lips and his perfect hands and his perfect body and-

You took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of your nose as you leaned against the wall. You had been home for two hours now and you couldn't stand being there any longer. You were too anxious.

So you did what you always did: called Sunghoon.

He picked up right away. "Hey. What's up?"

"I want to come over."

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," he said, sounding confused. "Give me ten minutes and I'll come get you."

"Thanks."

You hung up the phone, leaning against the wall again. You ran your hands down your face, closing your eyes. You took a few deep breaths to calm yourself down before you went to your room and changed.

You got out your keys, holding onto them as you waited for Sunghoon to pick you up. He knocked on the door ten minutes later. You opened it, stepping outside and he gave you a smile.

"I'll drive," he said.

You didn't argue. You got into his car, letting him pull away from the curb.

"What's the rush?" he asked. "You were really urgent over the phone."

You hesitated. "I just didn't want to stay home any longer."

He didn't say anything else. He just looked at you, his eyes scanning your face as you watched the road.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

You swallowed, nodding your head. "Yeah. Just tired."

He seemed to accept this, and you both fell silent. The ride back to his apartment was the same as usual. He reached over and put his hand on your knee, rubbing his thumb over the skin as he drove. He didn't say anything when you placed your hand on his and squeezed, letting out a quiet sigh as you did so.

You felt better, but at the same time you felt guilty.

You shouldn't be here with Sunghoon. You shouldn't be with him because you knew you were going to break his heart.

But you couldn't stay at home, and you had nowhere else to go.

He parked his car in the driveway, getting out and opening your door. He held his hand out for you, and you placed your hand in his. He walked you up to his apartment, unlocking the door and opening it for you.

Sunghoon closed it behind you, looking down at you. "You want anything to eat or drink?"

You shook your head. "No, I'm good."

Sunghoon nodded. He turned to you, opening his arms in invitation and you moved as if on autopilot. You wrapped your arms around him, closing your eyes and just breathing him in.

You stayed like that for a while, just holding each other as you stood in the doorway. You could hear the sound of the television in the background, but it wasn't too loud. It was quiet, and Sunghoon's arms were so warm.

He was always so warm.

You pulled away after a while, smiling up at him.

"Come on," he said, grabbing your hand. "I'll put on a movie."

You sat down on the couch as Sunghoon sat down beside you. He handed you the remote as he opened a beer, putting his feet up on the table. You picked something to watch, watching him as he sipped his beer.

He caught you looking at him and he smiled, raising an eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing," you said, shaking your head. "I was just thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

You opened your mouth to answer, but nothing came out. What were you supposed to say? That you were thinking about him and how he was always so sweet and kind and patient with you? You felt like that was crossing a line.

"I was just thinking that I like this," you said, gesturing to the TV. "I like hanging out with you."

"Me too," Sunghoon said, looking at you. “We haven’t really done this very often lately."

You felt guilt rise up in your chest. You couldn't remember the last time you had come over here.

"I've just been really busy," you said, avoiding his gaze. 

“But not too busy for sex huh?” he said, shaking his head. He reached down, pulling up your leg so he could rub his hands up and down your thigh.

You winced. You knew he wasn't mad, but he did sound hurt. You reached forward and took his hand, moving it so he was holding your hand. You linked your fingers with his, squeezing it.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, looking up at him. "I'm being selfish."

Sunghoon shook his head, squeezing your hand back. "It's fine."

"I'm sorry," you repeated, squeezing his hand again.

He let out a sigh, dropping his head down so it was resting on yours. "What are you sorry about?"

"I don't know," you said, watching your fingers intertwined with his. "I'm sorry about all the times that I'm rude to you."

"You're not rude," he said, and he lifted his head up, leaning forward and kissing your forehead. He pulled away, pressing a kiss to your nose and then your cheek before he kissed your lips.

You kissed him back, letting go of his hand as you moved closer to him. He wrapped an arm around you, kissing you deeper. He licked into your mouth, sighing against your lips as you put your hand on his chest, feeling the thump of his heart against your palm.

He pulled away, resting his forehead against yours. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as you slid your hand up to cup the side of his neck.

"I should stop doing this," you whispered, opening your eyes.

He opened his eyes as well, tilting his head so he was looking at you.

"Doing what?"

You opened your mouth, before closing it. "Kissing you."

"Why?"

"Because it's not fair to you."

"It doesn't feel fair that you only want to kiss me when you're drunk or lonely or upset," he said.

You couldn't say anything. He was right. You leaned forward, resting your face in the crook of his neck. You felt Sunghoon's arms wrap around you, pulling you onto his lap.

“But you always come back to me," he whispered, rubbing your back. "That means something, doesn't it?"

"No strings attached," you said quietly.

"Is that all it was?" he asked. "Nothing more than you just using me to forget about him?"

You lifted your head up, looking at him. "I- I-"

You didn't know what you were going to say. You couldn't tell him that he was right and you had only used him as a way to get over Heeseung because you knew he wouldn't want to hear that.

He seemed to understand that, anyway.

"Look, it's fine," he said. He dropped his hand down your back, squeezing your ass. "You can use me however you need."

You swallowed, trying to calm down your breathing. He was still holding you tightly, but his expression had softened. You bit your lip, leaning forward and kissing his neck.

Sunghoon let out a groan, and he ran his hands up your back. He cupped your face, kissing you and you moved your hips, grinding down on his lap. He groaned again, opening his mouth as your tongues slid against each other.

You pulled away from him, sitting back. You moved so your knees were on either side of his thighs, pushing him back so he was lying down.

He put his hands on your hips, watching as you slid off the couch. You stepped towards him on your knees, undoing his belt as he looked up at you. You pushed his jeans down to his ankles before you stopped, kneeling down and pulling them off his feet. He watched you the entire time, lifting his legs up and kicking his jeans away as you did so.

You stared up at him, your eyes roaming down his body. You placed your hand on his thigh, squeezing the flesh between your fingers as you licked your lips. You could see the outline of his dick in his underwear, and it was already so hard.

You slid your hand up, moving closer to him as you stared into his eyes. You looked down, watching as you rubbed him over his underwear. His dick twitched, and Sunghoon let out a breath.

"Can I blow you?"

"Fuck," Sunghoon groaned, throwing his head back as he tangled his hand in your hair. "Yeah. You don’t have to ask me that.”

You smiled, sliding your hand down his underwear. You pulled out his dick, looking up at him again. You licked your lips, before you leaned forward, licking the tip of his dick. You sucked the tip into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it.

You heard him groan, and you slid him deeper into your mouth. He wasn't huge, but he wasn't small either. You ran your tongue along the underside as you slowly moved your head, letting your saliva drip down his dick. You could feel the veins against your tongue as you slid him out, opening your mouth wide so you could suck him in.

You bobbed your head on his dick, moving your head faster as you started to feel it throb in your mouth. You moaned around him, letting your saliva drip onto his balls. You looked up at him through your lashes and he bit back a loud groan at the sight. He put his hands back in your hair, tugging it back gently.

"You're so good," he breathed out, thrusting his hips upwards. You choked around him but you didn’t back down. You took him deeper, letting him fuck into your mouth.

He moaned as he looked down at you, letting his eyes rake over your body. "You look so fucking pretty like that."

You moaned in response, squeezing his thighs. He let out another loud groan as his dick twitched in your mouth.

You moved your head faster, looking up at him as you sucked his dick. He groaned, moving his hands to your shoulders.

"Fuck," he grunted, thrusting into your mouth again. "I'm gonna cum," he warned, and you moaned to let him know it was okay.

You moved faster, hollowing your cheeks as you sucked his dick. You could hear the obscene sounds of his dick in your mouth and you moved your hands down to his balls, massaging them. You could feel them tighten, and then you heard Sunghoon moan once more as he thrust one last time into your mouth.

You didn't have time to move away before he shot his cum down your throat, and you almost choked in surprise. You swallowed quickly, trying not to gag as he continued to shoot into your mouth.

"Fuck," he groaned, rubbing your shoulder. "Sorry."

You pulled away from his dick, opening your mouth to show him. He looked down at you, watching as you swallowed again before he looked up at you with hooded eyes.

"Good girl," he breathed out, pushing his fingers through your hair.

You smiled up at him, reaching up to wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. He looked at your hand before he reached forward, pulling you up. He sat you on his lap, wrapping his arms around you.

"You were so good," he whispered, and he placed his hand on your face, rubbing his thumb over your cheek. He leaned forward, kissing you and you kissed him back.

You sighed, wrapping your arms around his neck. You pressed yourself closer to him, closing your eyes and enjoying the feeling of his warm lips on yours.

He pulled away, resting his forehead against yours as he smiled at you. "How about that movie?"

"Yeah," you nodded, sitting back. You watched him as he got up, reaching for the remote on the table. He pressed play on the movie, turning back to you and sitting down beside you again.

He wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close as he turned his attention to the movie that was still playing on the screen. He pressed his lips to your temple and you closed your eyes, letting out a small sigh.

You let yourself relax against him, enjoying his warmth as you pressed a kiss to his shoulder. Sunghoon looked down at you, raising his eyebrows as he looked back up at the TV.

You fell asleep before the movie was even halfway over.

“Hey, are you busy this afternoon?"

You looked up at Sunghoon, raising an eyebrow.

"For what?" you asked.

He grinned at you, shaking his head. "For anything."

"I have to go grocery shopping later," you said, pursing your lips. "But that's it."

He nodded, still smiling at you.

You gave him a curious look, tilting your head to the side.

"What is it?" you asked.

"Can we go somewhere?" he asked.

"Like where?"

"Like a date," he said, his grin growing. "A proper date. A real one."

You blinked at him, trying to make sense of what he was saying.

"Like a real date?" you asked. "Like...a first date?"

Sunghoon laughed. "Yes. Like a first date."

You didn't know how to answer. You stared at him for a while before you looked down. You could feel your heart start to race and you were sure that he could see it beating under your shirt.

"What do you say?" Sunghoon asked, squeezing your knee. "Is that a yes?"

"Yes," you said immediately.

He grinned at you, rubbing your knee again. "Let's go to lunch and then we'll do something. How does that sound?"

"Okay," you breathed out, still trying to get used to the idea of having a real date with him.

Sunghoon grinned again, leaning forward and kissing your cheek.

"Perfect."

You got ready before he picked you up, and you found yourself actually being excited about this date. You wanted to let your worries go for the day and just spend time with him.

You were excited. You wanted to go on a date with Sunghoon, you really did. But your mood shifted as soon as you saw the text that appeared on your phone, minutes before Sunghoon was supposed to pick you up. 

Heeseung: I need to talk to you.

Heeseung: can we meet?

You barely hesitated before you replied. 

You: where?

You felt nauseous as you stood outside the café. You tried to look for him, but there were a lot of people there. You could see the tables inside, but you couldn't see Heeseung.

You didn't want to do this. You were going to walk away.

You felt your phone buzz in your hand, and you looked down at it. You had a message.

 Heeseung: I'm at the table outside.

You looked around, finally finding him. He was sitting at a table outside, looking through the menu as he waited.

You could feel yourself get nervous as you made your way over, and you didn't know what to do. You didn't know what you were going to say.

You took a deep breath as you sat down across from him, placing your phone down on the table.

He looked up from the menu, meeting your eyes as he smiled softly. "Hey."

"Hi."

You fidgeted, staring at the table.

"I wanted to apologize," he said, breaking the silence. "For what I did to you. For everything I put you through. You deserved better than that."

You said nothing.

"I just wanted to apologize and tell you that you don't have to worry about me anymore," he said. "I'm not going to come near you or bother you again."

You felt yourself calm down a bit, and you looked up at him.

"You’re really an asshole, Lee Heeseung."

He laughed, shaking his head. "I know."

You stared at each other for a while, not saying anything. You couldn't figure out why you were there, but you didn't want to leave.

"Why are you doing this?" you asked, sighing.

He shrugged. "I just...I just feel like I need to say it."

You stayed silent, pursing your lips.

“And truthfully… I don’t think I can face Sunghoon again if I don’t say this.”

You frowned at that. Why couldn't he face Sunghoon again?

"What do you mean?"

He stared at you, before looking down at his lap. He shook his head.

“Hoon would kill me if I ever hurt you again. And he'd be right to. So I'm just trying to make sure that I don't."

"Hurt me again? Or be killed by Sunghoon?

"Both I guess," he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

You stared at him for a moment before you started laughing.

"What?"

You shook your head, still laughing.

"Hoon wouldn't kill you. He’s too soft."

"You think?" Heeseung said, and you could see the hint of a smile on his lips. "I think he would."

"How come?”

He shrugged. "Because he loves you."

You stared at him for a moment, not knowing how to respond.

"Why are you telling me this?"

He looked down at the table, running his fingers over the edge of it.

"I want you to know the truth. I want you to know how I feel," he said. "And I want you to know that I don't want you to come back."

"Excuse me?" you said, and your voice was much harsher than you intended it to be.

"I mean," Heeseung said quickly. "I want you to move on and I don't want to drag you down."

"That's rich, coming from you," you muttered, looking away from him. "Especially since you're the reason I feel so depressed and sad."

He winced.

"But thanks for that,” you snapped. "I really needed to hear that."

You crossed your arms, pursing your lips.

"Look, I'm not trying to be a jerk-"

"Then stop talking."

You were really mad now. You felt tears starting to form in your eyes.

"You're not going to make this better for anyone by saying this," you said, clenching your fists. "It's too late for you to make it right. So why don't you just keep your mouth shut."

He said nothing, and you took a deep breath. You were surprised to realise that your heart didn’t hurt as much you thought it would. You were still upset, but the pain was gone.

"Just leave me alone," you muttered, picking your bag up. You stood up, trying to calm yourself down as you made your way out of the café.

You had almost forgotten about your date when you got home and the sight of a distraught Sunghoon outside your door took you by surprise.

"Where were you?" he asked immediately, pulling you into a hug. He pulled you against him tightly, and you wrapped your arms around him, closing your eyes as he squeezed you. “I’ve been worried sick.”

You felt the guilt sink over you. You hadn't even thought about your date. You hadn't even considered how Sunghoon would feel. You had been so caught up in seeing Heeseung that you had completely forgotten.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, clutching his shirt tightly.

"I was so worried," he said, pulling away from the hug. "You didn't even text me back and I called you so many times. Where were you?”

"I'm sorry," you repeated, and you could feel the tears forming in your eyes. "I just...I had to see him."

He stared at you, frowning. "Him?"

You nodded, letting out a shaky breath.

"Don't get mad," you said quickly. "Just don't. I had to see him, and that's it. I'm sorry."

His face hardened, and you saw his jaw clench.

"Who? Heeseung?"

You bit your lip, nodding your head again.

"I needed to see him," you said again, looking down. "He told me some things and I wanted to hear them from him. I don't know if he meant to or not, but he said-"

"Don't tell me," Sunghoon snapped, cutting you off. "I don't want to know. It doesn't matter."

"Hoon-"

"I don't want to know what he had to say," Sunghoon said, his voice louder. “It doesn’t matter anyways. No matter what shitty thing he says or does, you always go back to him. He keeps doing this to you, and you keep letting him."

He pushed past you and you reached out for him, but he moved out of your reach. You could see him running a hand through his hair, his fists clenched by his sides.

"I don't even know why I'm surprised," he said, shaking his head. "He's going to keep coming back. He's going to keep using you-"

"No-"

"-and I'm just going to sit back and watch it happen again," he snapped, and he turned around to look at you.

"That's not true!"

"Is it?" he shouted, taking a step towards you. "It is! All I am is a distraction for you!"

"Sunghoon-"

"I'm sorry for doing this," he said, cutting you off. "I'm sorry for putting up with it all."

You didn't know what he was talking about. You didn't understand where this was all coming from.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "But this isn't working for me anymore."

"What isn't?"

"This," he said, gesturing between the two of you. "Us."

You were so confused right now. You really didn’t want to believe what was happening. 

"What are you saying?"

"I don't want to be your distraction anymore," he said. "I'm sorry. I just can't be around you right now."

You felt your heart drop and you took a step towards him.

"Hoon-"

"I'm sorry," he said again.

He turned away from you, walking down the hall. He walked quickly, his back straight as you tried to keep up with him.

"Hoon wait-"

He ignored you, walking faster. You kept pace with him, trying to keep up as he made his way down the stairs. He didn't look back, didn't say anything to you as he walked down the sidewalk.

You stood in the doorway, watching as he walked away from you. You wanted to run after him, to pull him back and demand to know why.

But you knew that you weren't going to.

He didn't look back. He didn't even slow down as he walked away, leaving you alone.

You could feel the tears start to run down your face. 

You didn't even realise how much you cared about him until you couldn't see him anymore.

Sunghoon was a wreck.

He felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and thrown on the floor, stomped on, and then tossed into the garbage.

It was his own fault really. He had known this was going to happen. He had known from the moment he agreed to let himself fall for you. He was a fool.

“That’s it, I’m tired of you moping around the house."

Sunghoon looked up at Jay, blinking.

"What?"

"You heard me," Jay said, shaking his head. "You need to get up and go get laid or something.”

"I'm not interested," Sunghoon mumbled, lying back down on his bed. He rolled over, pulling the pillow over his head. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore Jay.

"I don't believe that," Jay said, leaning over to smack the back of Sunghoon's head. "You've been moping around the house for two weeks. It's time to get over her."

"Get out of my room," Sunghoon groaned, clutching the pillow tightly. "I'm sleeping."

"You haven't been sleeping."

Sunghoon glared up at Jay, shoving the pillow away and sitting up.

"What do you want?" he snapped.

Jay leaned back in his chair, giving Sunghoon a grin. "I want you to go out with me tonight."

Sunghoon glared at him, rubbing his temples. "Why?"

"Because we haven't hung out in a while," Jay said, shrugging his shoulders. "We can get drinks or something."

Sunghoon looked away from Jay, shaking his head. He didn't want to go out and have fun. He didn't want to hang out with people. He didn't want to do anything.

"Look, you need to get out of the house," Jay said, sighing. "You're only going to make yourself worse. You need to move on."

"Move on?" Sunghoon said, and he let out a humourless laugh. "I haven't even seen her in a while."

"But you're still thinking about her," Jay said, his voice softer. "And I think you need to move on."

Sunghoon couldn't find the words to reply.

"Come on, it'll be fun," Jay said, clapping his hands. "We'll go out and get drinks, and maybe we can even pick up some girls."

Sunghoon felt his chest start to tighten.

"It'll be fun."

Sunghoon took a deep breath, letting his body fall back down on his bed. He turned to the side, closing his eyes as he sighed.

He heard Jay sigh.

"Okay," Jay said, getting up from his chair. "If you don't want to come-"

"Okay, okay, I'll go."

Jay grinned, leaning over to pat Sunghoon on the head.

"Good. I'll see you tonight then."

He left Sunghoon's room and Sunghoon groaned into his pillow.

It was going to be a long night.

"So what do you want to do?"

Sunghoon took another sip from his nth drink (he had already lost count), shaking his head. He looked around the bar, before looking back at Jay. "I don't know. This is a waste of time."

"It's not a waste of time," Jay said. "It's fun to go out and see people."

"I guess," Sunghoon said, sipping from his drink again.

"That girl in the back keeps looking at you," Jay said, nodding towards the corner of the room.

Sunghoon turned around, seeing the girl Jay was talking about. She was smiling at him, and Sunghoon gave her a nod. He looked away, sipping his drink again.

"Well?" Jay said. "Go over there and get her."

Sunghoon glanced at her again, before turning back to Jay.

"You're an asshole."

Jay laughed.

Sunghoon finished his drink, getting up. He ignored Jay as he left the table, walking towards the bar to get another drink.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. It was already bad enough that he had to be here. He didn't need Jay trying to push him into things.

"Hey."

Sunghoon turned around, seeing the girl from before. She had a drink in her hand and she was smiling at him. Shit. 

"Uh-"

"I'm so sorry if I'm being forward," she said, leaning forward and resting her hand on his chest. "But you looked like you were ready to leave and I just thought-"

"No, it's fine," he said quickly, shaking his head. He stepped towards her, letting her place her hand on his shoulder. "I was actually just leaving."

"Oh, well, do you want to get out of here then?"

She bit her lip, giving him a suggestive look.

"Um-"

"Or we could stay if you want?" she asked, and she pressed her hand on his chest.

Perhaps he was drunker than he had realised, or perhaps it was the way her fingers brushed over his skin, but Sunghoon couldn't find the strength to say no.

He looked at her again, nodding his head slowly. "Yeah. Okay."

"Yeah?" she asked, giving him a grin. "You're cute."

She grabbed his hand, dragging him through the crowd. She pushed past people, heading towards the door and Sunghoon tried not to get annoyed with her. She pulled him outside, stopping as she turned to him.

"Do you want to come to my place?" she asked, reaching out and grabbing his wrist.

"I don't think-"

She laughed. "Oh, I'm not offering to make you breakfast in the morning," she said, and she ran her hand down his arm, squeezing his hand. "You want to fuck, right?"

Sunghoon didn't say anything.

"Right?" she repeated.

"Yeah," he breathed out. "That's...that's what I'm here for."

"Okay, so let's go," she said, squeezing his hand. She started pulling him down the street, and Sunghoon let her.

He was in a daze. He couldn't stop thinking about you. He couldn't stop thinking about your laugh and your smile and how much he missed hearing your voice. He couldn't stop thinking about how much he missed your warmth.

He looked down at the girl in front of him, wondering how he had ended up here. She was nice, sure, but he knew this wasn't what he wanted.

He just wanted you.

"Wait."

She turned around, looking at him as she raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

He stared at her, and he was silent for a moment. He bit his lip, before he sighed.

"You're nice," he said, shaking his head. "But I don't want to do this."

She frowned at him, shaking her head. "You said-"

"I know," he said. "I know what I said."

He didn't give her an explanation. He didn't even look back at her as he walked away, leaving her standing in the street. He shoved his hands in his pockets, walking quickly as he tried to block out the sound of her yelling at him.

He felt like an idiot.

He was in the middle of an argument with himself when he arrived home. He didn't have the strength to get changed before he collapsed onto the couch, closing his eyes and hoping that he would fall asleep soon.

"What are you doing here?"

Sunghoon opened his eyes, turning his head.

You were standing over him, frowning at him. He sat up, trying not to look as shocked as he felt.

"What?" he asked.

"What are you doing here?" you asked, gesturing to the living room. His eyes started to come back into focus and slowly he realized he wasn't home. In his drunken daze he had come back to your apartment instead.

"Shit," he whispered, running his hands through his hair. "Fuck. I'm sorry."

You didn't say anything, just stood there with your arms crossed and you frowned at him.

He got up from the couch, trying to pull himself together as he grabbed his jacket from the floor. He couldn't remember even taking it off.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

“Are you drunk?” you asked, shaking your head.

He didn't say anything. He looked down, putting on his jacket and trying to push past you. He needed to get out of here before you made him say something that he would regret.

"Are you drunk?" you repeated.

He looked at you, sighing as he turned back around to face you.

"I am," he said, raising his hand to rub his forehead. He was suddenly so tired. "I was out with Jay and I just...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here."

You were silent for a moment before you looked away.

“Stay here for the night."

Sunghoon didn't know how to respond. He stood there, staring at you for what seemed like an eternity. He could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears.

"Stay," you said again. "I'll get you a blanket and pillow."

"You don't have to," he said. "I can just go home-"

"Stay," a pause before you whispered. “Please.”

Sunghoon sighed, running a hand through his hair. He couldn't bring himself to say no to you, no matter how much he wanted to.

He was too tired to argue anyway.

He dropped down on the couch, listening to you move around in your bedroom. He heard you walking back, before you came back with the blanket and pillow in your arms. You dropped them on the couch, reaching for him.

"Sit down," you said.

He did as you asked, and he let you push him back against the cushions. He let you cover him with the blanket, tucking it in around him.

You sat on the edge of the couch, leaning forward to place your hand on his cheek.

"Are you okay?" you asked softly.

He sighed, looking up at you.

"Are you okay?" he repeated.

You were silent for a moment before you let out a sigh. "No. I'm not."

He didn't ask why. He just looked down, staring at your hand against his cheek. He was tempted to place his hand on yours. He wanted to grab it and squeeze it and feel the warmth of your skin.

He didn't though.

"I’m sorry I couldn’t be Heeseung.”

It was only when he heard himself say that he realised he had even been thinking it.

He winced, and he closed his eyes tightly. He turned his head away from you, trying not to cry.

"Hoon-"

He shook his head, covering his face with his hands as he tried to breathe. He felt your fingers against his skin, and he held your hand. He turned his head, placing your hand against his cheek as he looked at you.

“I don’t want you to be Heeseung," you said softly.

Sunghoon blinked at you, swallowing the lump in his throat as he watched your eyes.

"What?"

"I don't want you to be Heeseung," you repeated. “I wanted you. Sunghoon. My Hoon.”

"Why?" he whispered. "You chose him-"

"I didn't."

Sunghoon didn't say anything.

"I didn't," you said again, squeezing his hand. "He just showed up and I was so confused and I couldn't think straight. And I know I messed up so many times but I didn’t know how to deal with it all. I didn't know what to do, so I-"

You broke off, taking a deep breath before you looked up at him again.

"I'm so sorry. I know I messed up but I couldn't-"

Sunghoon cupped your cheek with his hand, stroking your cheekbone with his thumb. You pressed your face into his hand, letting out a shaky sigh.

"I missed you so much."

You nodded, closing your eyes as you let out another breath.

"I missed you too."

You leaned forward, wrapping your arms around him. He pulled you onto his lap, holding you tightly as you pressed your face into his chest. You pressed your cheek against him, wrapping your arms around him and squeezing him tightly. He slid one arm around your waist, placing his hand on your back as he squeezed you tighter.

He closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of your body against his. You were here in his arms again and he wasn't going to let you go.

"Don't leave me," he whispered, burying his face in your hair.

"I won't," you whispered back.

He took a deep breath, squeezing you again as he held you close.

"Never again."

Sunghoon woke up with a head splitting headache.

He opened his eyes slowly, before letting out a groan. He closed them again, turning his face away from the sunlight streaming through the window. He covered his face with his arm, letting out a loud groan.

"Shit," he groaned again.

"Drink this."

Sunghoon lowered his arm, looking over to see you sitting on the edge of the couch, holding a glass of water and pills. He blinked at you, rubbing his eyes as he took the water and pills from you. He took a deep breath, letting out a sigh as he sat up slowly.

You sat next to him, grabbing his hand as he reached for the water. He downed it quickly, dropping his hand as you took the glass back from him.

"Thanks," he groaned, running a hand through his hair. He turned to you, squinting at you as you gave him a soft smile.

"Good morning," you said. "How do you feel?"

Sunghoon groaned again, rubbing his temples. "My head hurts."

"That's what happens when you drink a lot," you said, shaking your head. You reached for him, and he leaned his head against your shoulder. You ran your fingers through his hair, and he let out another groan.

"What time is it?"

"A little after ten," you said, and he could hear the smile in your voice.

"I have to get home and shower," he muttered, closing his eyes. "And change."

“You can shower here. And I still have some of your clothes.”

He looked up at you in confusion. “Did I leave my clothes here?”

You averted his eyes, suddenly very interested on the rug infront of the couch. “I uh... might have taken a few of your hoodies. And shirts. And a sweater and some shorts."

Sunghoon laughed, shaking his head. "Of course you did."

He reached forward, pulling you down onto the couch. You squealed in surprise as he wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly as he pressed his face into your neck.

"I missed you," he murmured, placing a kiss against your skin.

You laughed softly, placing your hands on his chest. You pushed him back, meeting his eyes as you gave him a smile.

"I missed you too."

Sunghoon squeezed you again, leaning forward to press a kiss to your lips. You kissed back, humming as you closed your eyes.

He pulled away from the kiss, leaning his forehead against yours. 

“I would kiss you more but I really want to freshen up first. Do you want to join me in the shower?” he asked, giving you a suggestive look.

You laughed, shoving his shoulder playfully. "Sure. Let's get you freshened up."

Sunghoon laughed, letting you sit up. He let you grab his hand, leading him out of the living room and down the hall to your bathroom.

Sunghoon smiled at you as he watched you turn on the water in the shower, waiting for it to warm up. You grabbed the hem of your shirt, pulling it up over your head and tossing it into the laundry basket. He couldn't take his eyes off you as you reached behind you, undoing your bra. He watched as you pulled it off, tossing it into the laundry basket as well. You reached for your pants, slowly pushing them down your legs as you gave him a sly smile.

“What are you looking at?

He swallowed, shaking his head as he looked away. "Nothing.”

You giggled, turning back to the shower as you undid your pants, pushing them down and stepping out of them. You looked back at him as you slid off your panties, smiling at him as you reached up and undid your hair. You ran your fingers through it, letting out a sigh as you shook it out.

"Hoon."

"Yeah?"

"You’re still dressed. And you’re staring at me again."

"Right."

Sunghoon was starting to think that his brain-to-mouth filter wasn't functioning correctly today.

He pulled off his shirt, dropping it onto the floor before he slid off his pants and underwear. You watched him with a smirk on your lips and Sunghoon felt himself growing hard. He stepped into the shower, pulling you to him and kissing you as you laughed.

He could feel the water dripping down his back as you pushed him against the shower wall. He wrapped an arm around your waist, squeezing your ass with his other hand. You let out a giggle against his lips, pulling away to press your lips against his neck.

"Fuck, I missed you," Sunghoon groaned.

"I missed you too," you said softly.

"Show me," Sunghoon said, running his hands up your back. He grabbed your face with both hands, pulling you back for another kiss. You kissed him back, moaning softly against his lips as you pressed yourself against him.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, letting him grab your ass again and lift you up. You gasped against his lips, wrapping your legs around him. He pressed you against the wall, pushing himself against you as he squeezed your ass again.

"Hoon," you moaned, sliding your hands down his shoulders and to his chest. You broke the kiss, looking at him with a smile on your lips.

"What?"

“I love you."

Sunghoon stopped, and you panicked. 

"Hoon-"

"Say that again," Sunghoon whispered, brushing a wet lock of hair away from your face.

You stared at him for a moment, biting your lip as you felt your heart start to race.

You took a deep breath, and you felt a smile spread across your lips. "I love you."

Sunghoon let out a breath, before he kissed you again. He pressed his lips against yours, kissing you deeply as you sighed against him. You held onto him tightly as he squeezed you again, grinding against you. He was so hard and you could feel the head of his dick pressing against your folds.

"Hoon," you moaned again, pulling away from him. You reached down, grabbing his dick and stroking him slowly. You could feel your pussy starting to grow wet, and you squeezed him again, moaning softly.

"Fuck," he groaned, resting his forehead against yours. He looked into your eyes, his own clouded with lust as he smiled at you. "You're gonna make me cum if you keep that up."

You bit your lip, continuing to stroke him as you gave him a coy look. You kissed him, sliding your hand down his chest. "Maybe that's the point."

"Oh? Is that so?" Sunghoon grinned, moving forward and kissing you again. "So you don’t want me to fuck you?”

You let out a moan as his dick pressed against your clit. "I want you to fuck me."

Sunghoon let out a deep groan, squeezing your ass with both hands as he kissed you again.

"Fuck, I love you," he moaned against your lips. He pulled away from you, reaching for your neck as he sucked a hickey on your skin. "I love you."

He lowered you to your feet, turning you around. He grabbed your waist, and you let out a gasp as you felt his dick press against you. He pushed your hair out of the way, kissing your back as he slid his hand down your front, reaching for your clit.

He rubbed it slowly, making you moan as he slid his other arm around you, holding you close to him. He pressed his lips against the back of your shoulder, and you arched your back as you let out a moan.

"Fuck," you moaned, trying to push back against him. He let out a laugh, continuing to rub your clit as he grinded against your ass.

You squeezed your eyes shut, letting out another loud moan. You felt him press his lips against your skin, and you could feel his smirk as he kept teasing you.

You could feel the head of his dick slide between your folds, and you moaned again as he rubbed against your clit.

He ran his hands up your front, squeezing your breasts before he moved them down again. He grabbed your waist, squeezing them tightly as he pushed you forward a bit. You placed your hands against the wall, leaning forward and bracing yourself as you felt him rub the head of his dick against your clit.

"Hoon," you moaned, closing your eyes as you felt his dick rub against you again. "Please."

He rubbed his dick between your folds, smearing your wetness around as he rubbed against your clit. You were getting impatient now, and you moved your hips a bit, trying to get him to move forward.

He let out a low growl, before he pressed the head of his dick into you.

"Ah," you gasped, letting your head fall forward.

You felt him start to move slowly, pushing himself into you inch by inch as you moaned his name. You clutched the wall tightly, letting out a loud moan as he continued to push himself into you. You felt him move your hair away from your shoulder, pressing a kiss to your neck.

"You're so tight," he whispered into your ear, before biting down gently on your skin.

You moaned again, leaning against him as he grabbed your waist. He pulled out, sliding back into you again and you gasped.

He slid out again, this time grabbing your ass and squeezing it tightly as he pressed himself into you again. He continued to thrust into you, and you moaned his name as you he out a low sigh. He grabbed your hair again, pulling it back as he started to move faster, fucking into you with a roughness you didn't expect.

"You feel so good," Sunghoon moaned. “Pussy made just for me."

You couldn't even respond. You were completely lost in the feeling of his dick sliding into you. You were so wet and you could feel your own slick on your thighs.

You moved your hips back, meeting his thrusts as he moved faster.

"That's it baby," Sunghoon whispered. "You feel so good around me."

You could feel your orgasm starting to build, and you let out another loud moan.

"So good," Sunghoon groaned, and he slid one hand down your front, rubbing your clit slowly.

"Hoon!" you cried out, moving your hips against his hand as he kept moving his hips. You could feel your pussy starting to clench around him and you moaned his name again.

"Fuck, you're close," he groaned, rubbing your clit faster. "I can feel you clenching around me."

"I'm so close," you cried out, leaning forward as he pulled you back by your hair. You braced yourself on the wall, closing your eyes as you felt yourself growing close. You felt him pull out of you suddenly, and you turned your head back to look at him.

"Hoon, what-"

He grabbed your hair, pushing you against the shower wall again. He slid back into you, pressing himself into you as you let out a moan.

He fucked into you hard, and you tried to look at him over your shoulder. He pressed his lips against your shoulder, moaning as he pushed himself deep inside of you. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you close as he fucked you.

"I love you," he said, his voice low and his breath hot on your neck. "I love you so much."

You bit your lip, moaning his name as he thrust into you again.

"That's it," Sunghoon groaned. "Call my name like that again."

You moaned his name again, arching your back as he continued to thrust into you. You were so close to coming now, and you felt your orgasm start to take over.

"I'm going to cum," you moaned, reaching back to grab onto his hand. "I'm going to-"

You felt him thrust into you again, and you felt your orgasm hit you. You moaned loudly, letting your head fall forward as he let out a loud groan.

"Fuck, you're squeezing my dick," Sunghoon growled. "You're so good at sucking me in."

You clenched around him, feeling him pull you back as he thrust into you again.

"Fuck!" he cried out, and you felt him twitch inside of you. You felt his cum shoot into you, and you clenched around him again, squeezing him tightly.

He let go of you, sliding out of you as he pressed a kiss to your shoulder. You turned around to face him, placing your hand on his cheek. You looked up at him with a smile on your lips.

He gave you a tired grin, leaning forward to press his forehead against yours.

"Can never get tired of that," he muttered, giving you a wink.

"Shut up."

He laughed, and you shook your head. You pushed him backwards, grabbing the showerhead as you grabbed his arm and pushed him under the stream of water.

"Hey!" he shouted, trying to push you away as he laughed.

You laughed, turning the showerhead off before you pulled him back to you, kissing him as you slid your arms around him.

"So, I was thinking that we could go out to dinner tonight and then we could go see a movie," he said. “You still owe me a date."

You grinned, kissing his cheek. "Yeah? That sounds nice."

"Yeah?" he said, pulling you back into the spray of the shower. You let him push you under the water, letting out a laugh as he ran his hands up your back.

"I'd love that."

[olderthannetfic]

I think another reason that women who are into men are sometimes into or outright prefer gay porn is not just that there's two dudes, but that a man and his reaction will be the subject of focus.

Just speaking from personal experience but if you're into men being the subject of porn then gay porn has a lot more of that than het porn for both statistics reasons and for "we're uncomfortable sexualizing men the way we do women" reasons. Hetero porn simply lacks that focus on even sexualized depictions of male pleasure (or pain or humiliation or whatever gets you hot to see someone experience) where they're making noises and falling apart and generally being undignified. It will usually be the woman overtly groaning and moaning and writhing for the (presumed) male audience while the man in the scene is more stoic or in control. Even romance novels for women tend to focus on the female perspective and pleasure (in a more self-inserty way of course) rather than say... the female main character getting off to watching their male lover orgasm. Not to say it doesn't happen in those genres and mediums but it certainly takes more searching to find and it's not as clearly labelled as other kinks.

If you want to see a man more overtly expressing himself during sex, whether he is pounding or being pounded, you'll have more luck finding it in porn where there are no women. This also applies to solo masturbation porn and fucking sex dolls and stuff but i prefer porn with two or more people and others probably do too. And this is just a general trend I observed (and tbf erotica written from the man's perspective also works similarly to me, if only because of the internal monologue) but I feel it's relevant.

--

[kiapet2]

Alright, it’s less than a week since the Owl House finale aired and as expected I’ve already seen two direct comparisons to Steven Universe’s ending and several more vague-blogs, because one of this site’s hobbies is using other queer shows to put down Steven Universe. So let’s do this, then. Let’s compare the endings of Owl House and Steven Universe, and what each is ultimately trying to say.

Steven Universe and the Owl House are both shows that deal heavily with the clash of individualism and self-expression vs. socially-mandated conformity, and both shows’ final villains ultimately embody this conflict. One major difference, however, is that Owl House approaches this from the perspective of legal/societal structures, while Steven Universe approaches it from the perspective of family structures.

Steven Universe has always been about family--and particularly the ways traumas and biases are passed down through a family--and it has always heavily used the language of metaphor to discuss these topics. The Diamonds are the ultimate extension of this theme, something a lot of bad-faith (or just bad) takes on the ending miss; they interpret the diamonds in their literal capacity as dictators, rather than the way Steven Universe always portrays them, which is as matriarchs, i.e. the heads of a family who dictate and control all the family’s other members. This metaphor becomes more and more blatant until it outright becomes text, with the Diamonds turning out to be Steven’s literal family members, with whom his part of the family is estranged because of their previous controlling behavior.

In accordance with this theme, we ultimately find out that the Diamonds’ toxic ideology, with its rigid standards of perfection, are not only something they enforce on the gems below them, but also on themselves. They are suffering from the system in their own ways, unable to live up to the standards they themselves created. And who among us hasn’t known someone like that? A parent or grandparent who grew up under a cruel, oppressive worldview, and instead of rebelling against it internalized it--who turned around and said “I dealt with this, and so can you”? And so the ending of Steven Universe is the Diamonds realizing exactly how toxic the rigid ideology they’ve spent their lives perpetuating really is, and confronting the fact that their adherence to this ideology is what destroyed their relationship with Pink, and that the only way they’re going to have a relationship with Steven is if they’re willing to commit to changing both themselves, and the family structure they’ve enforced for so long.

Emperor Belos, in contrast, is not suffering from the structures he created, because his rules were never meant to apply to him. He sees the witches (and demons, and so-on) as lesser beings, evil beings, who exist to be controlled, and ultimately, exterminated. And every element of the society he built--the schools, the government, the police force, the religion--he intentionally constructed to keep these lesser beings under his control. The real-world allegory isn’t hard to see, here. And because what Belos represents in the story is, in fact, a fascist leader, the story shows that he can’t be reasoned with in any way that matters, and instead he is ultimately ground into paste beneath the boots of the people he sought to destroy. Different themes, different endings.

Now the usual argument that comes up here is as follows: but the Steven Universe ending isn’t as realistic! Not everyone is going to change, not everyone is going to be able to be reasoned with. Not every older, conservative family member is eventually going to accept you for who you are. And while that is true, ultimately SU isn’t meant to be realistic; it’s meant to be a power fantasy. Rebecca Sugar has come out and said before that they wrote a world in which there was good in everyone, because that’s the way she wishes the world could be. That’s the world they want to be able to believe in. And I am never going to begrudge a person, much less a queer person, for finding healing in writing that kind of world.

But you know what else is unrealistic? What else is ultimately just a fantasy? Grinding your government’s fascist leader into paste under your boot, then taking over and remaking society into something that accepts everyone. Sadly, Trump is not likely to get his ass beat any time soon. And more generally, punching fascists, while ideologically sound, is something most people are not going to get to do, due to real-world consequences such as “getting beat up by the fascist’s angry friends” and “being arrested for assault”. And even if you did depose one leader, our very society is set up in a way that perpetuates all manner of injustices, and systemic change is a complex and lengthy process that almost certainly won’t be completed in our lifetimes. But it’s fun to imagine we could, isn’t it?

Both endings are power fantasies. Both show the way they want the world to be, rather than the way it is. They are very different power fantasies, which fill very different--and at times conflicting--needs. And in situations like that, internet culture really likes to pick one to be the right fantasy, the right way to look at the world. 

But the truth is, both fantasies are needed! Some people need stories about your queerphobic relatives finally realizing the error of their ways and taking the necessary steps to accept and reconcile with you. And some people need stories where you get to grind fascist bastards beneath the heel of your boot. It’s okay if you prefer one type of fantasy over the other! But in the end, both are valuable, and both are important. 

And isn’t it wonderful, for us to have such a diversity of great queer stories? That we can explore both of these deep, conflicting needs? Let’s appreciate each of these fantastic works for what it was meant to be, rather than trying to pit them against each other or make them conform to a single, “best” way to tell a story.

[trashart00]

Less than 12 hours until the release of “The Tortured Poets Department”!

Hence, I present to you, “The Tortured Catboy Department”

Track List:

SIDE A: Deux Semaines (feat Ladybug) / The Tortured Catboy Department / My Lady Abandons Only Her Favourite Partners / Down Bad

SIDE B: So Long, London / But Daddy I Love Her / Fresh Out the Slammer / Akuma !!! (feat Monarch)

SIDE C: Guilty As Sin? / Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me / Even Ladybug Can’t Fix This / loml

SIDE D: I Can Do It With a Broken Heart / The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived / The Cataclysm / Adrien Agreste

Bonus Tracks: The Black Cat / Solitude / Doppelgänger / Tell-Tail Heart

(Love how so many of the original track names still work)

My takes of what each song is about/inspired by under cut (but, if you feel like it, tell me yours :D)

I’m picturing all of these to be from Adrien’s perspective so they reflect mostly his version of the situations rather than the objective reality (especially the Laybug centered ones)

Deux Semaines (feat Ladybug): This one would focus on the sequence in Multiplication where Monarch doesn’t attack and how LadyNoir’s relationship recovers from the events of Season 4.

TTCD: Kept the “Catboy” singular because while there are multiple Catboy identities, there is only one boy underneath them all. Hence while I think it would be about him just stating his issues with everything, it would also focus on loneliness and how his department is understaffed :(

MLAOHFP: All of the Season 4 LadyNoir separation arc angst, with the “Favourite” being a callback to Risk (and kinda a jab at Rena because he thinks that she’s really her favourite, but y’ know, she didn’t abandon her so Rena can’t be her actual favourite)

Down Bad: Mainly about how Chat’s love for LB makes him excuse her behaviors, but also makes him act out (maybe a reference to Elation).

SL,L: About the whole arc of Gabriel sending Adrien to London and all of the memories he would have surrounding this ordeal - key point, not “So Long, Paris” because he didn’t want to leave, and in the end he comes back to a changed world.

BDILH: This one’s either about the Chat Blanc breakup or Gabriel’s dislike of Marinette in Season 5 (or both, with maybe a line about how he feels like this has happened before)

FOTS: Adrien realizing his father is a Bad Person.

Akuma !!! (feat Monarch): This one would be like a song about his daily life and then the chorus would start with a shout of “Akuma!!!” and it would switch to him as Chat Noir. I feel like it would start out with normal life being boring/hero life being fun but as it goes on he grows exhausted. Monarch has a rap verse.

Guilty As Sin?: Chat Blanc centeric - would ask who is to blame for the destruction of the world, like is it Chat because he lost control or Hawkmoth because he took advantage of his son’s emotion?

WAoLOM: Chat Blanc centric at first (like a villain song) but ends with Adrien reflecting on the events of Evolution-Destruction-Multiplication-PS night

ELCFT: I think it would be about his relaction ship with his father and how he wishes there was something he could do to go back to how they were when Emilie was alive but there’s no easy fix and his father keeps on getting worse and worse after any attempt.

loml: A song for Marinette with a bittersweet air - she’s the love of his life but he can’t tell her everything, and she can’t tell him everything either

ICDIWaBH: CatWalker centric - him going back to Ladybug in Kuroneko.

TSMWEL: I actually have three for this one - 1. About Gabriel and his need to domineer because he feels small and powerless. 2. About Adrien feeling small and insignificant. 3.About Plagg because he’s a smol boi (it would be like a lighthearted, cheeky song, like when you sing to your pet about how adorable they are)

The Cataclysm: Literally about how he cataclysmed Monarch, but also about how the event impacted his perception of self.

Adrien Agreste: Ending the album with a song that’s his own name :o.

Now for the variants:

The Black Cat: This one has Chat on the cover and the song is mostly about his bad luck. ‘I Love You It’s Ruining My Life” works both directed at Ladybug and his father.

Solitude: With Chat Blanc on the cover, this one’s about his mother. I think the “You Don’t Get To Tell Me About Sad” is pretty self-explanatory.

Doppelgänger: CatWalker is on this one, his song would be about how he may literally be the same person but he doesn’t fully feel like himself. He had to repress a lot of himself to be CatWalker hence I thought “Am I Allowed To Cry?” fit him really well (especially with Plagg not giving him the time to fully recover before he had to jump back in). Please note the crossed out name (unlike Chat Blanc) because he’s reinventing himself.

Tell-Tail Heart: This one has Ladybug on the cover - wait she’s not a Catboy?? The song is titled “Tell-Tail Heart” as a reference to Edgar Allan Poe’s “Tell Tale Heart” and would explore Chat’s perspective of Ladybug’s guilt for keeping secrets, how any excuse she makes is ultimately unimportant because she would do it either way. The fact that this is the only song title with a pun references how Chat tries to lighten the mood and avoid serious conversations, and the “Tail” is supposed to refer to Rena Rouge. The flowers she’s holding are meant to be foxgloves which symbolise secrets and insincerity (they’re also poisonous and damage the heart :)). I also really liked the “Old Habits Die Screaming” for her as it could mean both Chat Noir’s love for her being an old habit that he cannot get rid of, but also her habit of keeping things from him (especially with how she does it again at the end of season 5) being something she can’t stop. It is also him being able to see that, despite what she tells him, her “Heart” is tells him otherwise.

(also would like to point out that he wouldn’t mention Rena by name, he’s upset, not evil)

[wholoveseggs]

Hey :) How about an idea like this: Elijah and Reader have been close friends. Almost like a couple minus the sex. Elijah opens up about his fear of being physically intimate with anyone because of his past history with women and his fear of falling in love and losing control. Reader shows him that there's nothing to be afraid of. Sweet, smutty, potentially biting ;)

Touch

18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List}

After a dinner party with the Mikaelson family, you try to get Elijah to open up his heart to you.

♡♡ Thanks for the request darling @originals23, I love soft and sweet Elijah ♡♡

5.8k words - Warnings: angst, smut, oral sex, blowjob, biting, romantic as fuck, Elijah being so self-loathing...

Your friend Elijah was the whole package. Smart, witty, handsome, well-read, well-educated, and he dressed in clothes that could pay your rent. He was always so composed and dignified. You had no trouble understanding why a woman would fall for him; he was the quintessential tall, dark, and handsome.

But there was a deep sadness to him lurking underneath, accompanied by guilt and shame. You suspected that Elijah had been through something traumatic in his past, something that he couldn't bring himself to discuss. The most you ever got from him was that he had betrayed someone he had loved.

The two of you spent a lot of time together, taking walks through the city or going to plays. You loved hearing him talk about art, literature, philosophy. His deep, soothing voice made even the dullest subject come alive. You could spend hours with him, listening to him speak.

You wanted to be more than friends and you were putting out very clear signals for a while. He certainly wasn't a stupid man, so you didn't know what was holding him back. You figured he was either not interested in sex or he was scared to take things further.

He was always the perfect gentleman, even though you were pretty sure he was attracted to you. You had caught him glancing at you a few times, particularly when you were wearing something a bit revealing, and you saw his pupils dilate when he looked at your lips. There was always a tension between the two of you, which he was always careful to maintain at a friendly level.

It was getting a bit frustrating. He clearly liked you, so why didn't he just act on it? 

Elijah couldn't stop thinking about you. He had completely fallen for you, it was a rare and overwhelming feeling for him, and he was terrified of screwing things up. He had spent most of his life avoiding emotional attachment. He had his family, but no one outside of them. Until you came along.

You had managed to penetrate the cold walls that he had built around himself, and now he was in too deep. He couldn't stand the thought of losing you, so he tried to keep things at a platonic level. He was always careful not to let his hands linger on you, or his eyes stray. But sometimes it was so difficult to keep his desire in check.

But there you were, at a quiet dinner party with his family, wearing a red silk dress that clung to every curve of your body, looking like an angel, or a seductress, depending on your perspective. The neckline was low, showing off the top of your cleavage, and the hem was short, revealing the length of your legs. And it was tied in the back by these little strings, making it tight across your breasts. He couldn't stop thinking about undoing the strings and letting your breasts fall free.

The whole night he struggled to keep his eyes from wandering to you, his imagination from running wild. He couldn't stop thinking about how the silk would feel beneath his fingertips, the way your skin would feel, warm and soft against his hands, the sounds you would make as he took you apart, bit by bit.

But he had to ignore it all, you were a beautiful butterfly, and he didn't want to pluck your wings. He was determined to remain your friend and nothing more.

"Elijah darling, will you hand me that bottle of margaux?" Rebekah asked, nodding towards the wine rack.

Her words snapped him out of his daydream, and he reached for the bottle in question. He was pouring the wine into a glass for his sister when you spoke up.

"Can I have a glass too?" You asked, smiling at him.

He had been avoiding even looking at you all night and it hurt your feelings. You dressed up just for him, hoping that he would finally take the hint and realize that you were interested in him. He was always so composed, so restrained, but you had caught him looking at you several times and his gaze had been so intense, so heated, that it left you breathless. You were determined to take any opportunity to interact with him.

"Of course." He murmured, pouring the wine into a glass and handing it to you.

His fingers brushed against yours as he handed you the glass, sending a spark through your body. Your eyes locked for a moment and the air between you was charged with tension. His lips parted slightly and his eyes darted to your mouth, a flash of heat passing over his face. You felt your pulse quicken and your breathing become shallow. It all happened so fast, but it made you hopeful that he might actually reciprocate your feelings.

"Thank you," you whispered, bringing the glass to your lips and taking a sip.

The wine was rich and sweet, and the liquid slipped down your throat easily. You closed your eyes, savoring the taste, before opening them again and meeting Elijah's gaze.

"How have you been? We haven't talked in a while." You asked, trying to break the awkward silence.

"I've been fine, just busy with work," he replied, his eyes drifting over to where his brother Klaus was seated next to Rebekah.

You felt a little bold from the wine and you placed your hand on his knee. "You seem a little tense. Are you sure everything is okay?"

He froze, his eyes darting down to your hand and back up to your face. You smiled reassuringly and squeezed his knee. Elijah hated when you did this, he didn't like to feel afraid, and the sensation of fear, of his body tensing up and his heart racing, it all brought back memories that he had spent years burying.

He cleared his throat, "Yes, I'm fine, I just have a lot on my mind."

You nodded, sensing his discomfort. You were used to his aloofness, but it had never bothered you before. You knew he was a reserved man and that he had a lot going on in his head. But now, with you, it felt different. Like he was pushing you away, keeping you at a distance.

You turned to talk to Freya, trying not to let your disappointment show. You knew it was ridiculous to think that he would want you like you wanted him. He was your best friend and he probably didn't even think of you like that.

You looked around the table at everyone, you were the only one there that wasn't a Mikaelson or their partner. You were always welcomed like you were a part of the family, but tonight, it felt different. Everyone else was so happy, so in love, and you were alone.

After dinner, everyone gathered in the living room, the lights were dim and there was a roaring fire going in the fireplace, casting a warm glow over the room.

You sat on the sofa, next to Klaus, who was engrossed in a conversation with his brother Kol. You took another sip of wine and glanced around the room, watching as couples cuddled and kissed, enjoying the atmosphere.

Elijah walked in with some wood to add to the fire, he took off his suit jacket and rolled up his sleeves, showing off his strong, muscular arms. You could see the outline of his biceps through his shirt and you bit your lip, trying not to imagine how they would feel wrapped around you.

He leaned down to place a log on the fire, there was something so primally attractive about watching a man build a fire, and you found yourself imagining Elijah naked, his body covered in sweat, his muscles rippling as he worked.

Your heart began to race and your breathing quickened. You shifted on the couch, pressing your thighs together, trying to ease the ache that was building there.

Klaus got up and put a record on, the soft sultry tones of Nina Simone filed the room. You watched Klaus take Cami's hand and lead her to the middle of the room. He placed his hand on her hip, pulling her close to him, and they began to sway together, their bodies moving in perfect harmony.

The other couples followed suit, and soon the room was filled with music and laughter and the soft murmur of whispered words.

Your eyes wandered to Elijah, the only other one not dancing, and he was looking back at you. The firelight reflected in his eyes, making them look like pools of molten chocolate. You stood and crossed the room, offering your hand to him.

He hesitated, glancing at his siblings, all so lost in their own lovers, then back at you. "Will you dance with me, Elijah?"

He looked nervous and uncomfortable, but he nodded and took your hand. You led him to the middle of the room and placed your hand on his shoulder, interlacing the fingers of your other hand with his.

Elijah's heart was in his throat, the feeling of your body so close to his was overwhelming, and his mind was racing, trying to figure out what he should do next. You started swaying slowly, following the rhythm of the music. He felt stiff and awkward, not sure where to put his hands.

"You can touch me 'lijah," you whispered, placing his hand on the small of your back.

Your words sent a jolt of desire through him, his skin tingling where it made contact with yours. He swallowed hard, his mind a jumble of thoughts and emotions. You were looking at him with your beautiful eyes, filled with trust and affection.

The air between you was heavy with tension, and he knew if he didn't put some distance between the two of you, he would do something he would regret. But he couldn't tear himself away from you, the magnetic pull between you was too strong.

You placed your hand on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart, and you leaned in closer, your lips almost touching his. You could feel his warm breath on your skin, his body firm and warm beneath your touch.

"Tell me what's wrong," you asked softly, looking into his eyes.

He shook his head, his voice barely a whisper, "I can't."

"Yes, you can," you reassured him, stroking his cheek, "Just tell me, I won't judge."

He let out a long sigh and looked around at the others, each lost in their own little world. He couldn't do it, not here, not now.

Your heart broke at his unwillingness to open up to you and you could no longer stand to have him so close. You pulled away from him, and a flash of pain and confusion crossed his face.

"I need some air," you said, turning and walking out of the room.

Elijah watched you go, his mind a whirlwind of emotions. He was frustrated and confused and he didn't know what to do. He knew he should follow you, talk to you, try to explain himself. But he was frozen in place, paralyzed by his own fear and indecision. In that moment he realized he had no choice, he could either wallow in his own misery and lose you or he could face his fears and hope you still wanted him.

He went outside, finding you standing under the stars, your arms wrapped around yourself, staring out into the night.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice thick with emotion, "I didn't mean to upset you."

You turned to him, your eyes shining with tears, "I just want you to be honest with me, Elijah."

He stepped closer to you, reaching out and gently brushing a tear from your cheek. "I am afraid, Y/N."

"Of what?"

"I'm afraid that if we take our relationship further, I'll lose control. That I'll hurt you," he admitted.

You chuckled softly and shook your head, "You could never hurt me, Elijah."

He gave you a sad smile, his voice barely above a whisper, "I wish that were true."

You could tell there was more he wanted to say, but he was struggling to find the words. You took his hand and looked up into his dark brown eyes.

"Talk to me," you said softly.

He let out a long breath, steeling himself for what he was about to say.

"Before I was turned, I met this woman, he name was Tatia," he began, his voice shaky, "she was my first love, and I would have made her my wife,"

"But you were turned vampire," you said softly, touching his arm.

"Yes," he sighed, his expression pained, "only a few days after I was reborn did I take her life,"

"Oh my god," you breathed, not able to imagine such a tragedy, "it wasn't your fault, Elijah, you had no control,"

"It is not so simple," he replied, looking away from you, "I..."

"It is that simple, I know your heart Elijah, and I know you would never intentionally hurt anyone you love," You interjected, placing your hand over his heart, feeling it beat steadily, and he covered your hand with his.

"I'm not a good man," he whispered, "I've done horrible things, hurt people, killed people."

You placed your other hand on his cheek, looking into his eyes. You could see the pain, the shame, the guilt, the weight of his sins drowning him.

"If you weren't a good man you wouldn't feel any shame," you said, your voice barely above a whisper, "You're not a monster."

"I am," he insisted, his eyes welling up with tears, "I have snuffed out precious life, I've picked the wings off every beautiful butterfly that has landed on my hand," his voice cracked, and he turned his face away, unable to look at you.

You took his chin in your hand, turning his head back to face you. You could see the anguish in his eyes, the pain that he had carried with him for so long. He let you pull him close, his face buried in the crook of your neck.

"There is light in you, Elijah," you said softly, "I can see it."

He pulled back and looked at you, his eyes searching yours.

"I'm a monster," he repeated, shaking his head, "I'm not worthy of your friendship, much less your love."

"That's not your choice to make," you said firmly, "only I get to decide who's worthy of my heart," you leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, his stubble tickling your lips, "and I choose you."

He turned his head slightly, his lips grazing yours, and your breath caught in your throat. Your heart was racing, and your body was humming with anticipation.

He cupped your cheek, his thumb tracing the line of your jaw, and he leaned in, closing the gap between you. His lips were soft and warm, and you could feel the electricity flowing between you. You melted into his touch, his kiss igniting a fire within you.

Your hands traveled up his chest and around his neck, pulling him closer, and he groaned against your mouth.

"My sweet Elijah," you murmured, tangling your fingers in his hair, "I've got you."

You felt his arms wrap around you, his fingers digging into your hips, and a thrill ran through you.

Elijah couldn't believe how good it felt to hold you like this, his body pressed against yours, your scent surrounding him, your lips against his. He was lost in the sensation, the pleasure of being so close to you, the way you made him feel, he had to have all of you.

"Come," he said softly, taking your hand and guiding you inside.

You followed him, your heart racing, the heat from his hand searing your skin. You didn't know what was going to happen, but you knew it was something special.

You climbed the stairs, your breathing ragged, anticipation coursing through your veins. He led you down the hallway and into his room.

The air was thick with tension, the energy between you palpable. You could see his shoulders were tense, his muscles coiled.

You could tell he was still conflicted, the war raging inside him. You wanted him to know that he was safe with you, that you could give him the love and affection he needed.

You undid the strings on your dress, letting the silk slip from your body, pooling at your feet. All you were left in was your panties, your breasts exposed to him.

He stared at you, his gaze roaming over your body, drinking in the sight of you. You reached out a hand to him, inviting him to touch you.

He slowly crossed the room, his eyes never leaving yours. He was drawn to you like a magnet, unable to resist the pull.

You placed your hands on his chest and slowly began to unbutton his shirt, revealing the smooth expanse of his chest. Your fingers traced his skin, reveling in the feeling of him. You tugged his shirt from his shoulders, tossing it to the floor, your fingers exploring the planes of his stomach and chest.

"You are so handsome," you murmured, looking into his eyes.

He kissed you again, his lips parting as your tongue met his, and the passion between you ignited. Your hands went to his belt buckle, and you undid his trousers, sliding them down his hips and letting them fall to the floor.

He smiled softly, his hands going to the small of your back and pulling you in closer. You moaned at the feeling of his hardness pressed against you, and you rubbed your body against his, reveling in the sensation.

Elijah broke the kiss, backing you up towards the bed. Your legs hit the mattress, and you fell onto it, your hair spilling out around you. He looked down at you, his eyes dark with lust. You bit your lip, the heat between your legs growing as you saw how much he wanted you.

He hummed in approval and bent over you, his lips traveling over the column of your throat. Your breath was coming in shallow pants as he nibbled and licked his way down your chest. He paused at your breasts, taking a nipple into his mouth, and you gasped, arching your back.

You threaded your fingers through his hair as he worshiped your body with his mouth and hands. He worked his way lower, leaving a trail of kisses and nibbles across your stomach. He hooked his fingers in the waistband of your panties, slowly peeling them down your legs and discarding them on the floor.

You spread your legs for him, your pussy on display, he kissed his way up your thigh, nibbling and licking the skin. His lips found your clit, and sucked on it gently, drawing small circles with the tip of his tongue.

Elijah had dreamed of being with you like this, of being the one to bring you pleasure. He was lost in the taste and feel of you, the tiny moans you were making spurring him on.

He eased two fingers inside of you, and you let out a gasp of pleasure. He slowly moved his fingers in and out, the pleasure building inside of you, the sensation making your toes curl.

You had assumed he would be good in bed, but this was a whole other level. He was clearly an expert with his hands and mouth, and he was intent on making you come undone.

You could feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge, your body humming with pleasure, your heart pounding in your chest. When he let out a groan of pleasure you came apart, your pussy clenching around his fingers, a wave of pleasure washing over you.

You fell back onto the bed, panting, your body limp and boneless. Elijah sat back, watching you as you recovered from your orgasm, a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

You grinned at him, "You've been holding out on me."

"I'm glad I didn't disappoint," he said with a chuckle.

He lay down on the bed next to you and you got on your knees. He was looking up at you like he'd just won the lottery. You bent over him and began to trail kisses across his chest, your tongue tracing the lines of his muscles.

You took his cock in your hand, stroking his hard length slowly, and you looked up at him. He looked so beautiful and vulnerable like this, his face relaxed, his lips parted, his eyes full of trust and affection.

You slowly slid your lips around his head and began to gently suck and lick, you saw his hips jerk, a moan escaping his lips. His fingers found their way into your hair, lightly caressing you as you took him further into your mouth.

You let your saliva gather, coating your mouth, the sweet tang of precum coating your tongue as you lapped at his slit. You slid your tongue down the underside of his shaft, your tongue fluttering against the soft, sensitive skin there.

He felt so good, the weight and warmth of him in your mouth, his hands in your hair. You could tell he was getting close, his breathing heavy, his muscles tight. You could taste the salty pre cum spilling out of him, his hips starting to rock. Always so sweet and restrained, always so careful with you.

You moaned around him, the vibrations sending him over the edge. He let out a low groan of pleasure as he came in your mouth, his body tense as his release took him.

You gave little swallows, pulling all you could from him as he softened in your mouth. You looked up at him, your lips still toying with the head of his cock and he smiled softly, his hand coming up and wiping away a dribble of his cum.

Elijah could hardly believe you were in his bed, that he was with you like this, your mouth on his cock. You made him feel things he had never felt before, made him want to lose himself in you.

You placed a kiss on his lower abdomen and slowly moved up, straddling his hips. He sat up and kissed you, his tongue parting your lips as he explored your mouth. His hand trailed up your thigh to the curve of your ass and you pressed closer to him, your body flush against his.

Elijah was overjoyed that he was about to make love to you, his friend, the person he loved and trusted the most. You had been the only person he had ever opened up to about his past. The only one who had ever seen him so vulnerable. He never expected it would lead to this but he was glad it had.

You nuzzled into the crook of his neck, your nose brushing his skin. His hands explored the smooth curves of your body, his fingers digging into the supple flesh of your hips. You kissed along the curve of his jaw, his stubble tickling your lips.

"This feels nice, I like touching you," you murmured, smiling up at him, your heart full of affection for him.

"It do too," he replied, his eyes never leaving yours.

His hand moved down the outside of your thigh to your knee, drawing circles on the soft skin there. He moved your legs slightly, letting him take control, your heart raced with anticipation. He spread your legs a little more, his fingers trailing up the inside of your thigh, teasing you, leaving you wanting.

You bit your lip as you watched his hand move further up your thigh. You could feel the heat of him as his hand got closer to where you wanted him the most. He kissed you as his fingers gently grazed over your clit, and you moaned softly.

Your fingers trailed over his chest, teasing him in turn, as he continued to stroke you. The softness of his touch combined with his strength was a heady combination. 

"Elijah," you gasped, his fingers slipping into you.

He hummed in response, a deep, pleased rumble as he moved his fingers in and out of you slowly. His cock was hard, throbbing as he pleasured you. The air around you was thick with desire as the two of you gave in to your desire.

"Please," you breathed, looking up at him with half-lidded eyes.

He smiled and removed his fingers from your dripping cunt, wrapping your legs around him, pulling you in closer. You took his cock in your hand and guided him into you, his length filling you slowly.

Your eyes met as he sank into you, his eyes full of adoration, the intimacy between you intense. His hands went to your hips and he slowly rocked you against him, your breasts pressing into his chest.

Soft, wet sounds filled the air as you began to move together, his hips pressing up into yours as you rolled your hips against him. You kissed his chest, licking and nibbling, making your way up to his throat, his stubble tickling your cheek as you left small love bites.

Your clit was rubbing against the base of his cock and you were starting to feel that sweet ache deep inside you as your pleasure started to build. He felt so good, his hands gripping you tightly, pulling you close as you both rocked and grinded together.

His eyes were turning black, veins snaking under his skin and his fangs descended. Your blood was pounding through your veins and you were both breathing heavy. He was trying to fight it, not wanting you to see that side of him, he wanted to be gentle with you. He'd never let his guard down with anyone.

You were fascinated by it, the way he was starting to let go. The way you were getting to see him like this, so raw and vulnerable. You felt closer to him than you'd ever felt to anyone and it filled your heart with so much joy. You brought a hand up to trace the moving veins, feeling them throb under your fingers, the way the skin tightened around his eyes.

"It's okay, you don't have to hide," you said softly, cupping his face.

He leaned into your touch, his eyes closing. You felt his muscles relax and you felt a thrill go through you knowing that he was letting you in. You began to bounce slightly on his lap, taking his cock deep inside you.

He groaned as you tightened around him, the heat inside you growing. He held you close, his breathing ragged, your skin hot and slick as your bodies moved together. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, breathing in your scent as he kissed and licked your throat.

Your head lolled back, baring your neck to him, the trust you felt for him made him feel a wave of affection for you. You could feel his fangs grazing your skin and you knew what he needed. You could feel the hunger coming from him.

You brought a hand to his head, holding him close, and you tilted your head further. You were offering yourself to him, offering to share in your most intimate moment with him, to feed him.

"It's okay baby, you can taste me," you murmured, stroking his hair.

He let out a growl as he sank his fangs into you, your sweet, coppery blood flooding his mouth. His grip on your hips tightened as he held you against him, your bodies flush against one another, as he drank.

He felt a rush go through him, your blood invigorating him like a drug, filling his body with warmth and pleasure. The sweetness of you, the softness of your skin, the scent of your arousal filling his nose was making him lose all control.

In one swift movement he flipped you over, his weight on top of you, his hips never leaving yours as he pinned you beneath him. He was taking control, taking what he wanted, the look of pure bliss on your face making him fall further.

You spread your legs wider, your hands digging into the muscles of his back, and you ground yourself against him, the new position letting you take him in deeper. You felt his tongue trace the wound in your neck, the pleasure of him drinking from you making you moan.

Elijah pulled away, looking down at you. Your skin was flushed, your hair fanning out around your head, your chest heaving as you caught your breath. He'd never seen anything more beautiful in his long, long life. He wanted to share everything with you, the dark and light, the pleasure and the pain. You were the person he loved the most and he wanted you to feel just how much he adored you, needed you.

He kissed you with an intense passion, pouring all of his love into you. He was done holding back, done denying himself of you. He'd loved you from afar, his desire for you growing. You had shown him a new kind of affection, a different way to see the world.

He gently bit down on his lip, sharing his blood with you. You were eager as you licked it away, savoring his taste. You felt him deep in your soul, your blood singing with pleasure. The intimacy of it, of sharing something so deeply personal, had your heart full to bursting.

The room was filled with the sound of your panting and moans, the wet sounds of your bodies coming together, and your hearts were beating in sync. He moved in a deep, steady rhythm, his eyes never leaving yours, his gaze full of tenderness.

His hands traced up the sides of your body, leaving a trail of goosebumps, before finding your wrists, he pinned them to the bed above your head, his weight pressing you into the mattress. You could feel how close he was, the muscles of his arms tight, his back tense as he tried to hold back his release.

He could feel it, the warmth deep in his core, the need to release building. He wanted you to come with him, to share in the pleasure with him. You wrapped your legs around him, drawing him in closer, your hands gripping his as he pinned you to the bed.

"Let go baby," you gasped, the words falling from your lips, the heat between your legs building to a peak.

His pace quickened and you were right there with him, the pressure inside you building to a peak as you teetered on the edge, and you let out a low moan as your pleasure crested and crashed through you, the orgasm rolling over you like a wave. You were both coming together, the sensation of being inside you as you clenched and trembled around his cock pushing him over the edge.

You rode it out, clinging to one another, lost in the sensation as the wave of pleasure ebbed and flowed through your bodies, his warmth spreading deep inside you, your blood pounding in your ears.

He buried his face in the crook of your neck and he bit down again, sharing in your ecstasy, the sweetness of you flowing over his tongue, the way your body felt clenching and fluttering around his cock as he emptied himself inside of you, it was bliss.

He drank slowly, your hands tangled in his hair, your body pressed close to his, the warmth of your release coating his cock. You were limp, exhausted in the most satisfying way, his cock softening inside of you, his breathing coming in shallow pants.

He pulled away and kissed the wound tenderly, sealing it up with the warmth of his tongue as he slowly lapped away the blood. He nuzzled into the crook of your neck, the feel of his skin on yours so intimate and right.

"You okay?" He asked, his voice soft.

You turned his face to yours and you smiled. You leaned in and kissed him, softly at first, but you found yourself deepening the kiss. Your body responded to him immediately, desire beginning to simmer once more.

"I love you," you said softly against his lips, your eyes searching his.

You had always been afraid to tell him how you felt. You knew it might ruin what you had but you couldn't hold back. Not after this. Not after what had just happened. You knew the feeling was mutual, he loved you, he always had, and it made you so happy you could cry.

"I love you," he breathed, his eyes full of affection, and it made you melt.

"Can we stay just like this?" You asked, feeling a blush creep up your face, and he smiled and nodded.

He gathered you into his arms and laid back on the bed, pulling the comforter over you as you curled up against him, your head on his chest, his arms holding you tight. You were content to lay there, the slow rise and fall of his chest beneath your head as you lay wrapped in one another's arms.

Elijah could feel you dozing off as the night grew later. You were exhausted but content, and you wanted to stay with him, just like this, for as long as you could.

He had made many mistakes in his long life, he had hurt people, he had done terrible things. He never thought he would be able to have anything good like this in his life, he didn't feel like he deserved it. 

But as you slept peacefully in his arms, he couldn't help but think that he must be doing something right.

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[prickly-paprikash]

Something cool about Blue Eye Samurai is how sex is juxtaposed with the end-goals.

I really love how our three protagonists are all obsessed. And that obsession defines them, torments them, and are subsequently reborn through their obsessions.

Mizu, of course, is obsessed with the concept of revenge. It's not even about getting even or getting justice as some might use to justify the bloody road taken—it is simply about seeking satisfaction for Mizu. She cuts a bloody swathe across Japan because of what the Four White Devils did to her mother and herself. She does not concern herself with the ramifications of her wrath but merely charges forward, leaving behind a trail of viscera and gore behind her.

Like I said before, her vengeance and obsession with satisfaction is not painted by the show as wrong. It is how she allows it to affect others along the path. It's why the episode with Madame Kaji is so enlightening; Mizu should not tackle this quest as a vengeful revenant; an onryō. She has let the world define her as a monstrosity and so she embraced it, when Swordfather and Madame Kaji knew what the correct path was to satiate her need for vengeance. Treat her sword as the Artisan's tool it truly is. Treat her body the way an Artist would treat their canvas.

Madame Kaji and Swordfather are both outcasts, for being a woman and a blind man. Yet they found strength in their exclusion, becoming single-minded in their fields of art. Because sex is art and swordsmithing is art. It's what makes Mizu's body writing scene so fucking good.

Artistic vision becomes stagnant when one pulls from only one source. They become rigid and unbending when Mizu, like her namesake, must be fluid. She has shown fluidity in her use of her gender and her morals, but cannot apply that same flexibility towards her goal. Throughout season one, she was becoming an uninspired artist, merely painting the world in hues of scarlet. In a world that forces Women to be either Wives or Whores, Mizu chose to be a Warrior—but a warrior fights for a cause, whether it be just or otherwise. A soldier fights in an army. Mizu is neither of these things. She is an Artist first and foremost, and her medium is Death. Sex, something Mizu was at first hesitant before her failed marriage, and something she actively avoided afterwards, is what gives her a new perspective. Like an Illustrator studying life to better draw their intended worlds, taking inspiration from wherever one can find it.

Taigen and Akemi are also equally affected by the artistry of sex, as befitting of Mizu's fellow protagonists.

Akemi is quite obviously Mizu's narrative foil. Mizu chases after revenge like a bloodhound whereas Akemi longs for freedom like a bird in a cage. Both are fierce women who are unsatisfied with their lot in life, with their sex and gender being used against them in their lives. Literally, the episode "The Tale of the Ronin and the Bride" is a fucking triple entendre:

Mizu is the Ronin as well as the Bride.

The play showcases the tale of the Ronin and the Bride.

It is also Mizu as the Ronin and Akemi as the Bride.

And when Mizu finds her center as she melts down her blade and engages in body writing, this scene of enlightenment is juxtaposed with Akemi laying with her new husband Takayoshi. Both, in this moment, are taking control of their lives through sex. They are both taking control of their futures through the ways Madame Kaji taught them. Mizu and Akemi are both rebels against this oppressive society, and are both talented artists with their body. Whether that be sex, politicking, or ass-kicking.

Taigen, like the two women before, finds freedom through it but in a more subtle manner.

Where Mizu and Akemi are narrative foils, both using sex as a form of art and escape, Taigen finds liberation through his awakening.

Like the closeted bisexual man he is, he begins his journey of self-realization when he first encounters Mizu at the Dojo.

Every single battle these two have is purposefully rife with sexual tension. All his life, Taigen has been taught that a man must live with honor. That he must take control of his life and his identity, or he will have failed and that he is better off dead than to live with such shame.

Taigen is just as much a victim of the Patriarchal society around him. Mizu rails against it violently. Akemi seeks to run away from it all. And Taigen, with the privilege given to him by his manhood, chooses to become a perpetrator, enabling the vicious wheel of society to keep moving forward.

His obsession with honor leads him to hunting down and even protecting Mizu. Mizu is no doubt the better warrior, but even she knows she owes so much to Taigen. The blockhead not only did everything to protect her in the valley, but also sealed his lips shut even under the duress of torture. His obsession with honor becomes an obsession with Mizu.

His regrets over tormenting her over her looks and ethnicity as a child. His shame in having lost so decisively in his own dojo. Taigen was a man born with nothing and climbed up to the top with every advantage he could muster, and suddenly it's all ripped away by this one vengeful spirit passing by.

Taigen learns to surrender control around Mizu. He begins to discover his own sexuality and purpose around Mizu, redefining what honor really means to him now that he, as a man, has a budding attraction towards the man who beat him.

Mizu's Vengeance. Akemi's Freedom. Taigen's Honor. In all three, Sex becomes a catalyst in redefining what each of these concepts truly mean to them all. It's not just sex of course, but it is undeniable how the writers keep juxtaposing sexual acts and thoughts with massive character moments.

It changes how Mizu chases after her Vengeance. It recontextualizes how Akemi can be Free. It showcases the absurdity of the Honor forced upon Taigen.

It's so fucking refreshing seeing Sex not used as fanservice or shoe-horned in just to further a stale, poorly written cis-heterosexual romance; but used as a plot point that cannot be ignored. An impetus that fuels the narrative.

Moving forward, I'm curious as to how sex will be used.

The next few ideas aren't as sound or organized because I'm neither Asexual nor Genderfluid, so please if anyone reads this who understands it better, feel free to point it out.

I think it'd be cool if Mizu met the inverse of Madame Kaji. A person who is apathetic to sex. Sure, Swordfather has shades of this, but I'm tired of the person with disabilities also being on the Asexual spectrum. And I'm not saying that Ace or Graysexual people with disabilities don't exist! But they always tend to be written as having some form of disability (Varys from ASOIAF) or a Robot.

Just as artists need a variety of sources to pull inspiration from, I hope in the next seasons we get to see different perspectives on sex and gender. In London, it feels like Mizu finding the other half of herself, and with that having a better way of tackling her own identity. Whether it be gender, sex, combat, etc.

Basically what this inane rambling amounts to is that Blue Eye Samurai tackles sex and violence and revenge and obsession in ways that most media has yet to truly do. So that was pretty cool.

[ddarker-dreams]

Which one of ur yanderes take care of you way too much that it's suffocating to you <3333

oh boy.

geto and gojo from the golden girl yan au are suffocating in ways that'd make your sanity wane. separate, they're semi-tolerable. heavy emphasis on semi. geto hides his obsessive tendencies better but gojo barely bothers.

geto's self-aware enough to know you won't appreciate your privacy/autonomy being blatantly violated. he's careful, always gauging your body language to see what he can and can't get away with. he paints himself as the more reasonable one (which gojo finds funny, considering geto's need for control exceeds his). geto eases you into this new reality of their heavy involvement in your life. it's gradual, starting off with him casually asking where you were or who you were with.

the way he phrases and times his questions won't have you thinking twice about offering the information up. should you ever hesitate, your instinct swearing that something's just off, he can handle that too. he'll get quiet, almost solemn. geto professes to knowing it's a bit much and apologizes. the last thing he'd ever want to do is make you uncomfortable, he'll say. you're dear to him and he doesn't know what he'd do if anything happened to you. by the end of the spiel, guilt festers in your chest for doubting his intentions.

then there's gojo.

he's always finding excuses to be in your vicinity, soaking up all your attention like a sponge. from his perspective, there's no point in you talking to anyone besides him, geto, and shoko. nanami and haibara are on thin ice but he can tolerate them, so long as your interactions remain short. gojo ramps up his obnoxiousness to a blinding degree, ensuring yours eyes never wander from him. he's always draping himself over you, cracking jokes, prodding for reactions, or otherwise invading your personal space. shoko made an apt comparison, likening him to a parasite 'that doesn't know when to stop feeding.'

while his fussing over you might seem melodramatic, he's very in tune to your emotions and overall wellbeing. you couldn't hide anything from him if you tried, he knows you like the back of his hand. it never hit how observant he is until he picks up on something troubling you before you were aware of it yourself.

they both see how easily exploitable your kind disposition is. hell, it's how they're able to get away with half the things they do. the world would devour your sweet qualities, spitting out whatever pieces of you remain. certainly, your naïveté could be taken advantage of, but, ironically enough, in 'protecting' you from this, they're participating in what they've set out to prevent. they both kinda know it too. ultimately, their greed outweighs any guilt they might feel for monopolizing your attention.

[konigsblog]

rapist könig and stripper reader?? :( the thoughts are loud and horny

WARNINGS: RAPE/NON-CON/DUB-CON, DRUGGING, SPIKING, INTOXICATION. DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT, BRIEF MENTION OF IMPREGNATION.

YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MEDIA YOU CONSUME.

PHOTO CREDIT: @/XWX_XX ON X

rapist-könig...

it's truly a shame he feels this way, the desperate and irresistible need to act out on his sickening desires. he can't handle rejection; being declined. who wouldn't want him? perhaps he has a god complex – he'd been told before, that he was almost narcissistic and too self-absorbed – but, being turned down twisted something inside of him, corrupted and warped his perspective and morals.

he could blame it on the fact that he was drunk out of his mind, but seeing you flirt with the other men had him feeling awfully possessive of you. könig wants to own you, to be your rock, your world, the one you focus on.

giving the other horny men attention had könig grumbling under his breath. he noticed how you'd occasionally take sips of the man's drink to rile him up, so he'd spiked his own drink, making sure you got a nice sip of it while he felt you up, sat on his larger lap. you took a gulp of his beer, the taste bitter, running down your throat while you stood up and made your way to the pole. it didn't take long for you to become light-headed, your vision going black and the feeling of pins and needles all of your body worsening. your heartbeat felt too fast, yet too slow, as you breathed heavily, clinging to the wall beside the entrance.

before anyone could notice, könig had grabbed your unconscious, weakened body and put you in the back of his truck, driving away to a remote area where no one could see the inhumane things he was doing to you...

each thrust felt like agony for poor you, while it felt like heaven for könig. he caressed your breast, cupped your jaw and coddled you for being so lifeless in his arms. having control and power was everything to könig, and he couldn't help the way his lengthy dick was throbbing and leaking inside your swollen pussy, your folds puffy and your cervix bruised and sore, hopefully impregnating you with pearly beads of semen seeping into your cunny.

you gasped, choking on air, before könig's hand clasped over your mouth, stifling your loud wails and cries for mercy as he continued with his assault. he grunted deeply at your struggle, watching you wriggle and squirm, your back against the wet grass, your face bruised and raw, and your lingerie ripped off and revealing you to the perverse, masked man, one you recognised as könig due to his silver eyes, and his huge statue – it was almost unforgettable, and surely this moment would be as well.

perhaps, könig wanted to teach you a lesson about being a whore, or maybe it was true; he couldn't resist his sick and twisted desires. he'd brutalise and violate you, but in your drunken and drugged state, you couldn't think of anything but the pain and ache between your supple, bloodied thighs.