#which doubles the angst when you consider what they went through this first season

[alexiethymia]

[book spoilers]

Lockwood’s idea of a grand gesture is to be more of a fool than usual, more death-defying than usual, to make sure that Lockwood & Co. was always on front page news because if Lucy was the best then Lockwood & Co. could be nothing less than THE best agency to deserve her, to get her to return. And no, he doesn’t stop there. He may not have asked you to return on bended knee like you wanted Lucy, but like any proper gentleman caller he couldn’t come to your door empty-handed. He brings THE case, that one case that Lucy could never refuse coming from Fittes herself. I bet he spent all those four months searching for that one case. Because see the plan was always for her to return and Lockwood has always been an end-justifies-the-means kind of guy. And the way he gets her on board speaks a lot about his own character and how well he knows Lucy.

Lockwood has always been slightly manipulative and he uses the full force of that skill during that reunion with Lucy. Every move was calculated. From his suit he wears like armor, each one carefully chosen. An old coat that reminds them of a case they worked on together, an immaculate new suit (Really? Just to hire her again?), and to top it all of, a tie which Lucy specifically gave him. He catches her off guard, he doesn’t give her time to get her bearings. He knows asking her outright to return wouldn’t work. Even if he did beg, that already failed when he ended up so angry that he left Lucy behind in that cafe (the fact that Lockwood who prides himself on being a gentleman could leave a girl, and Lucy of all people, shows that his emotions were completely haywire that day). In other words, Lucy’s stubbornness proved stronger than his own. So he had to change tactics. He had to make sure that her returning would be all her idea, that she would return all on her own.

Because see, he didn’t need a case to see her. He could have visited at any time after they didn’t have closure when Lucy snuck away in the dawn to leave. He could have normalized ties between them and remained friends even as Lucy was now a freelance agent. But he didn’t. He made sure they didn’t have closure. He didn’t even acknowledge her leaving because to do otherwise would make it final. On Lucy’s end I think she wouldn’t have minded if they could be friends and talk casually together again. She wanted it. But that’s not what Lockwood wanted. He wouldn’t have been satisfied unless Lucy was back home with them. Like a jilted lover, he needed a grand gesture to draw her back in.

So he does everything. He lies. “I wouldn’t ask you again to return.” “It’s just a one-off.” “One night, two max.” But and even though Lucy couldn’t fully see through him, what they really meant, she did pick up on signs of him fraying and unraveling. The uncertain smile that was simultaneously just for her and was shades paler than his usual gigawatt smile, the slight bitterness that she was willing to work with other agencies but not his, that studied nonchalance as if he wasn’t keeping track of her progress and whereabouts the same way Lucy tried not to follow news of Lockwood and Co., the deflection, deflection, deflection.

He doesn’t answer properly regarding Holly because he still thinks she might have had something to do with Lucy leaving.

“George didn’t like it.” This is his mixing up of I and we tendency again but way worse. For him to use George to say that she was missed was egregious because couldn’t he just say that he missed her? Or even we missed you, we didn’t like it [the idea of replacing you]. It wouldn’t be so strange. He is as much her friend as George. Unless her leaving cut him more deeply. And we know he represses that sh*t. So he doesn’t even include himself in the equation anymore maybe because he thought it would make Lucy uncomfortable because not even him losing control of his emotions, being exposed and raw could get her to stay. Or at least that’s what he tells himself when in reality he’s fortified his barriers once again. He made himself open for Lucy, all the anger he’d kept tightly locked inside, and still - she left. So he can’t even talk to Lucy anymore without using someone or something as a conduit, projecting himself because he can’t expose himself to that sort of vulnerability again until he accomplishes his goal. So yeah there’s plenty of bitterness on his part, but what trumps that, always trumps it and his pride (because I’m sure part of him expected that Lucy would come back earlier on her own so he was just waiting and when that didn’t happen because see in a contest of wills Lucy’s would always trump his own, he’s weak when it comes to her, he’s the one who comes to her instead) - is that base desire for her to just come back.

[bhaalls]

‘‘I’d love you even if you were a worm.’’ Astarion with a Fem!Plus Size Tav.

🔞 FLUFF, ANGST, AND SMUT ALL IN ONE SO BEWARE! MINORS AND MEN DNI! 🔞

A midsummer day at the campsite. Astarion is roaming about with the others, while you sit alone in your tent. You’re gazing at your reflection in the handheld mirror, disgusted by who you see.

Your overly-rounded face, puffy cheeks, and double-layered chin. You scowl lightly, running your fingers over the acne scars and pores. You feel hideous as you set the mirror down. Your entire life you lived as the unconventionally attractive one, or so to speak. Even being the sorcerer you are didn’t stop the ridicule from judgemental mouths, and their snake-slit eyes always watching your every move, hoping that you would fail. Astarion would compliment you every chance he got, but you still questioned his authenticity. Even though you’ve been silent about it for awhile, it creeps back around during moments like this. Astarion has always been beautiful. His lean yet muscular physique, toned abs, and jawline so sharp as if it was sculpted by the gods themselves. You still wonder how someone like him ever gave you a chance. Most men like him would’ve scoffed at the first sight of you. Yet, Astarion seemed to have been drawn to you since the first day. You always felt like it was because of your powers as a sorcerer, which made sense considering Astarion needed you to help him take down Cazador. But it’s how you’ve always felt. No one ever genuinely wanted you for you, only for what you possessed. At least, that’s how it had been ingrained into your mind. You quickly get dressed, making sure to bundle up with extra layers to hide your stomach rolls and contain your chubby thighs. In a way, this has been your way of masking. Astarion never seemed to mind, or does he...?

Later that evening, you find yourself sitting at the campfire. Astarion went out for a meal, and the others are in their tents. You’re roasting some chicken, when Astarion returns.

Astarion rubs his belly, ‘‘Ah, I just found the most delicious deer I think I’ve ever sank my fangs into. How about you, sweetheart? Enjoying the chicken?’’

You look up at him and crack a smile, as you slowly nod. ‘‘Oh yes, once it’s done cooking I’ll season it with some herbs.’’

Astarion smiles in response, as you turn your attention back to the chicken. He watches as you wipe your forehead. He can see droplets of sweat on both your forehead and face. He notices you’re also still wearing the multiple sweaters and jackets, even though it’s deep into the summer. Astarion’s eyebrows furrow slightly.

Astarion speaks up, ‘‘Darling, may I ask you something?’’

You look back up at him. ‘‘Yes, my love?’’

Astarion takes a seat on the log next to you, as he looks at you with a hint of concern. ‘‘I don’t mean to pry all of a sudden, but I’m just curious is all. It’s a little hot for wearing coats, wouldn’t you agree?’’

His questioning catches you off guard. It seems he’s seen through you, and you have no choice but to tell him the truth. ‘‘I, uh... I just like keeping myself concealed, you know? Don’t like others seeing my stomach, and things like that.’’ To your surprise, Astarion gives you a horrified expression.

He responds with a bit of shock in his tone, ‘‘I’m sorry... Did you just say you’re keeping yourself ‘concealed?’’ You sigh at his response, as you set the chicken down in your lap.

‘‘Yes, the truth is I’m insecure about my body, Astarion. I don’t like my fat stomach and my legs stick out, and my butt is rather concave. Not to mention having a puffy oval face with 2 chins doesn’t make it any better! That is why I wear tight-fitting clothes. It makes me feel less ugly.’’ You say bluntly, because it’s true to you. But Astarion is baffled at this confession, trying to fathom how his girlfriend could hate herself this much.

When Astarion responds, you can hear the heartbreak in his voice from your revelation, ‘‘Darling, I-... I don’t know what to say. I never guessed you felt this bad about yourself. You kept this from me? I wish you told me this sooner, my dear!’’

You frown to yourself. The guilt from keeping your insecurities hidden for so long has reached its tipping point. Astarion was thorough with you from the beginning, but you couldn’t relate. So of course, Astarion has every right to be upset. Your mask shatters, as you croak out your feelings all at once, ‘‘I-I’m sorry, my love! I just- You don’t understand how it feels to be me! To constantly live in shame and regret of my appearance! It’s... It’s easy for you, Astarion. You were already handsome before you became a vampire. I’ve never been the pretty one, or someone people sought after. A woman with a body like me was never meant to make it in this life.’’

Astarion’s red eyes darken at your words, as his jaw clenches. He remains silent for a moment, taking it all in. But after a moment, he inhales and speaks up, ‘‘Maybe you are right in the way that I am seen as a beauty standard. As for my fem-aligned counterparts, the pressure to be perfect is even worse. But you remember my past, darling. I was merely only valuable for my looks, not as a person! Until I met you, my sweet. When we first met, it was quite obvious we had our physical differences. But I didn’t care much for your body, to be frank. Your brilliant personality, and girlish whimsy, and of course that marvelous scent of your blood is what swooned me. To even assume that I’m shallow enough to choose someone based on their looks—is laughable. So? Listen when I say that, respectfully....’’ Astarion suddenly stands up, and he holds his hand out for you to take it. You eyes widen and your cheeks flush red, but nonetheless you take his hand and stand up as well. Astarion looks at you endearingly, smirking slightly as he then slowly trails his long slender fingers up your arms, making you shiver at his touch. His voice comes close to a whisper, and he leans down close to your ear.

‘‘My gorgeous darling, I’d love you even if you were a worm.’’ Astarion purrs out, as you feel yourself melt at his touching and captivating monologue. You feel heat take over your body, as Astarion looks you up and down. He bites his lip, as he then leans in and kisses you passionately. You feel your body fill with passion and lust as you return his kiss. Astarion grunts through the kiss, but he suddenly pulls away.

‘‘Darling, let us return back to our tent, where I can show you just how beautiful you truly are.’’ His accent oozes lust as he smirks at you. You blush again as you look into his eyes, nodding in response. Astarion takes your hand once more, as you both make your way back to your tent. You walk in first as he follows, closing the tarp behind him. Astarion then turns back to you and smirks, as he begins to take his tunic off. You watch him strip down to his glorious naked body, and blush as you glance back up at him. Astarion strides towards you as he slowly puts his hands on your waist, then leans in and kisses you again. Once you return his kiss, he begins to move his fingers down to your bum. It causes you to break the kiss and gasp lightly. Astarion can feel you tense up at this, he starts to console you.

‘‘Shh, darling. Just relax, my dear. There’s no need to be scared. Not anymore.’’ Astarion coos in your ear, and you feel the tension ease slightly. He then begins to trail his lips down to your neck, as you lean your head back. He plants soft kisses all over your neck, causing his hunger to rise slightly. A light moan slips out from your lips, as he moves his hands up to the hem of your coat, beginning to slowly take it off you. Your heart races at his move, and once your coat is off he lets it fall to the ground. He kisses you again, moving his fingers to the button of your blouse as he begins to unbutton them—slowly. Your breath catches in your throat, knowing your stomach and all its flaws will finally be revealed to him. He opens your blouse, and your belly falls out in all its glory. Astarion’s red eyes light up, his cheeks turning pink at the sight of your belly. He can’t resist, as his large hands begin to roam all over. He squeezes your rolls gently.

Astarion speaks again, his voice more sultry than before, ‘‘So this is what you’ve been keeping from me. My gods darling, you are... breathtaking.’’ He whispers out, as he looks back into your eyes. Your pulse relaxes, as you start to yearn for his touch. He can see the longing in your eyes, as he smirks once again.

‘‘Tell me you want this.’’ He demands, never taking his eyes off yours. After so long, you feel inclined for the pleasures of romance, and with a man that has made it known that you are his everything.

You quickly nod, as you lean close to his ear and purr, ‘‘I want this.’’ Astarion groans at your words, as he kisses you again, and you return his kiss with a more passionate heat this time. His desire grows more each second, as he yanks your blouse away. You both moan through the kiss, that’s when Astarion grips your thighs and lifts you up with ease, and begins to slowly set you down on the blanket, not breaking the kiss once. He presses himself up against you, slowly moving his fingers lower to your pants. You allow him to pull them down and off your feet. Astarion glances back up at you with his bewitchjng red eyes, as he moves his mouth to the hem of your undergarments, and begins to slowly drag them down with his fangs. Now you’re completely exposed to him. Astarion takes the sight of you in, admiring your fatness like a fine masterpiece. You feel flustered again, as you look away in embarrassment. But he suddenly leans up, and pulls your chin towards him.

‘‘No no, my sweet. Do not look away from me.’’ He speaks in an assertive tone, which makes your heartbeat quicken again. Astarion slowly moves his hands up to your large breasts, that hang a little past your ribs. He groans as he begins to caress them, then moves on to squeezing them. You moan and lean your head back again, as he starts to run his thumbs over your nipples. He does this for about a minute, then leads his head down towards your left nipple, and begins to suckle on it. You continue to moan, as his other hand rubs your right nipple. Once he’s done entertaining the left, he switches to your right nipple. He grunts as he swirls his tongue around it, then suckles on it as well. You had always wanted your breasts sucked on, and now your dream becomes reality. Astarion’s tongue felt silky against your nipples, and you couldn’t wait to see what else he could do with it.

Astarion decides to finish by grabbing both of your breasts, and rubbing his face in-between as he groans into them. This causes you to giggle and moan simultaneously, and he begins to move lower once again. He plants a trail of light kisses down to your large vulva, but instead of going right into it, he smirks, deciding to tease you by moving his lips towards your inner thighs, and starts planting kisses on both sides.

You groan and then hiss at him, but your words falter slightly, ‘‘Don’t t-tease me like t-that!’’ Astarion continues to kiss between your thighs, even going so far as to plant hickies, with his fangs grazing your skin slightly. Your legs jerk, his kisses sending shivers up your spine. Astarion chuckles, as he looks back up at you and teases you once again, ‘‘My my my, I haven’t even begun and you’re already dying to be tasted. I wonder if your juices are even sweeter than your blood.’’ He purrs, and you feel your vulva beginning to pulse from his words. Upon noticing this, he lowers his head down into your vulva as he slides his long tongue in. You gasp as you grab onto his silvery locks, as he starts to slowly move his tongue up and down your folds, savoring the taste of your sweet juice leaking out. You moan and whimper, as your hips buck slightly. His nails dig into both of your thighs, his tongue pressing deeper. You begin to push his head further, your vulva now throbbing from the rapid sensation. Astarion’s head bobs as he begins to move his tongue in and out of your canal, as you buck your hips in sync with his tongue, your thighs shaking along with you. Astarion groans as it sends out a vibrating sensation throughout your vulva, which causes you to gasp and arch your back, as Astarion feels the full force of your juices slip into his mouth. Astarion groans once more, as he doesn’t let a single drop go. He pulls away as his red eyes dart back up to you, smirking as he licks his lips. ‘‘As I thought! You taste splendid, darling.’’ Astarion teases, as he grins at you. Because you’re panting he decides to let you take a moment to recuperate. Once he sees you calm down, he speaks up again. ‘‘Are you ready for the next part, darling?’’ You take a deep breath, and nod as you breathe out, ‘‘Yes, my love. Take me there.’’ Astarion grins, as he then kisses you again.

You both grunt, as Astarion moves his member over your vulva. He then presses the tip against your throbbing clit, as you gasp and pull away from the kiss. He groans as he moves his hands down to your stomach, gripping your love handles as he grinds against you. You let out a whimper, and lean your head back. Your swollen vulva is aching to be taken by Astarion’s girthy, hard cock. He decides to make his move. He moves his member down to your canal, and slowly pushes it a little. Your eyes go wide and you yelp at the slight pain from it. He groans but quickly speaks up, ‘‘Does it hurt, darling?’’ He asks with a hint of anxiety in his voice. But you quickly reassure him, ‘‘Maybe a little bit, but... I want this. Please, give it to me!’’ You call out in response, and Astarion doesn’t hold back this time. He pushes his length all the way inside, as your back arches. You moan and he groans again, as his thrusts start slowly. You both stare into each other’s eyes, his filled with passion and hunger for you. He keeps a slow rhythm at first, but you ache for speed.

‘‘Astarion, please. I want more!’’ Your tone is desperate and pleading, but in a reassuring way. Astarion grunts, as he grins with his fangs protruding. ‘‘Very well, darling... If that’s what you want.’’ With that, he plunges deeper into you. He digs his claws into your sides, then begins to move at a rapid pace. You lean your head back as your eyes flicker, your mind swirling in ecstasy. Your bodies sync together in erotic perfection, your body finally getting the praise you so much deserved. He then kisses you in the heat of the passion, as his cock is stretching and filling up your canals. Both of your moans, groans, and whimpers fill the entire tent, and you both are soon to climax. Astarion nearly loses himself to your body in the moment, but quickly regains his senses slightly as he forces himself out of you, and holds his length up at your stomach with his silky white seed fluttering out onto your skin. You let out an exasperated squeal, as you feel your liquids began to ooze out of you. Astarion looks down and watches as he groans, then leans back down as he licks all of it all up. You lean back as well, panting heavily. He falls next to you, also panting and trying to get a breath in. You turn to him, as he looks at you and you both give each other satisfied smiles. But then you feel it, again.

The insecurity creeps up on you after a vulnerable night of passion, as you narrow your eyes and turn away from him. Astarion notices this as his smile falters slightly, as he puts his hand on your shoulder. He speaks with some anxiety in his voice, ‘‘Oh no... I did something, didn’t I? I was too rough, wasn’t I? Should I have been a little more moist?!’’ You let out a strained sigh, as you shake your head. ‘‘No, my love. It’s not that... It’s just—I want to be praised more in just seduction. I want my duties to be seen as worthwhile, and especially me as a person.’’ Astarion seems to relax a bit, as he smiles again. ‘‘Oh darling, I already commend you for all of that. You are just as attractive now, as you were when you casted Daylight upon Cazador himself. But I don’t want you to hide, and isolate yourself any longer.’’ He speaks in a soothing reassuring tone, but you frown as your judgement is starting to cloud your mind again. You speak rather pessimistically next,

‘‘I just feel like I’m too much for you to handle.’’

But Astarion counters this, and you can feel the genuinity radiate off his tongue.

‘‘You’re perfect to me, darling. I love every inch of you, inside and out. You’re not too much—you’re just right.’’ Your eyes widen once he says this, he reaches out and brings your hand into his, and plants an endearing kiss on your knuckles. You both smile again, as he then moves closer to you, and lays his head on your chest this time. All the doubts and insecurity from before slips away, and for once it feels like it won’t return for a very long time. Your mask has shattered and you’re finally free, with the man who will love you forever.

[beyondspaceandstars]

A Simple Housewife

Relationship: Mob!Bucky Barnes x Reader AU Warnings: non-graphic violence, angst Summary: Mob!AU - A new member starts getting too friendly with you one night, forcing Bucky to show a side of himself you’ve never seen before. And possibly never want to see again.  A/N: in my list of favorite AUs right under soulmate!au is mob!au........idk why i can’t explain it but I love it it’s such good content. and i realized well i can contribute to it as a genre so here I am lmao. (also, for reference, the work contains college-age peter parker - i aged him up fyi)

Masterlist

You liked how you two worked as a team. Bucky liked to hold meetings at your home, and you liked to host them. It was an unspoken agreement every time he’d come home and rattle off who was going to be around the next night.

These instances always sent you into a frenzy, but a good kind of frenzy. It gave you something to do. While a simple housewife per your husband’s request, these events meant you could fill your days planning menus, table settings, wine pairings, grocery shopping… It was therapeutic in some ways and even nicer knowing it would be appreciated.

His men loved to fawn over your perfectly cooked food or premium hand-picked wine and you simply adored it. While it sometimes rubbed Bucky the wrong way seeing you all giggly over compliments from other men, he typically let it slide. It was never very serious and certainly never went beyond sweet comments. You embraced your hosting duties while pretending to ignore the conversations that would go on in the next room after the meal, much to Bucky’s content.

The night had started like any other. Bucky came home the previous day and told you there was going to be a meeting tomorrow night and to expect to host ten of his men. That seemed like such a smaller crowd than he normally had over, so you inquired, curious.

"Only ten?" You asked, already rushing to grab your pen and paper for the planning.

Bucky nodded, leaning against the counter. "Yeah, we’ve got someone new coming on and I don’t want to overwhelm him."

"A new guy?" Your eyes lit up. "You mean someone who hasn’t tasted my lasagna?"

Your husband couldn’t hold back the chuckle at your innocent awe. Moments like these made him wonder how someone so warm could ever deal with someone like him. 

You weren’t totally clueless about his career, you knew at least a general description of what he did for a living, but, on the other hand, you hadn’t ever seen it. You roughly knew there were… multiple sides to him but those all seemed so distant, so pointless, at the time. In this home, with you, he was just Bucky. Your Bucky. Your husband. The one who showered you with love and appreciation.

"Yes, doll," your husband confirmed. "There’s someone who hasn’t had your famous lasagna."

"Wonderful!" You clapped and started writing out the menu. "Are there any requests? I certainly don’t want to mess anything up. God forbid the new guy thinks I’m a bad host or something."

You heard Bucky sigh as you continued making your notes. A hand came to your shoulder softly, halting your actions. You turned to face your husband, who was looking down at you with a soft smile, easing your worries nearly completely.

"Everything is going to be just fine," he said, placing a loving kiss on your forehead. You helplessly melted into the touch. "There’s nothing to worry about."

***

You were running around the kitchen like a mad man when Bucky came home the next night with a couple of men already following behind. He called out to greet you like some cheesy sitcom entrance. You force yourself to halt your panic, knowing it was in your best interest to go greet him and the first guests. Smoothing out your apron, you double-checked nothing would explode in flames upon your absence and made your way to the foyer.

"Hi, honey," you smiled as your eyes landed on your well-dressed, sophisticated-looking husband. For all the time spent together, he never did fail to make you swoon simply by just standing there.

"Hey, doll." Bucky matched your smile and gave you a kiss on the cheek knowing you would stress even more if he dared to smudge your lipstick.

When you two parted, your eyes wandered over your husband’s shoulder to the two men standing in front of the door. The one staring at you two exchanging welcomes you recognized right away as your husband’s right-hand-man Steve. Ever so strong and important looking.

But the boy standing next to Steve was a mystery. He was a bit smaller than them both but still had some height on you. This didn’t take away, though, from this timid look. He gazed around your home seeming so in awe of it all. He didn’t realize you were staring at him until Steve nudged him.

Bucky picked up on your curiosity and immediately jumped into introductions. Motioning towards the boy, "This is Peter. He’s the new member I was telling you about."

"Oh, of course," You smiled, outstretching your hand. Peter accepted the shake, a little on the enthusiastic side. "Very nice to meet you."

"It’s very nice to meet you too, Mrs. Barnes." The boy responded, holding slightly too much eye-contact, but you couldn’t blame him.

Your hands disconnected and you chuckled at the formalities, waving a hand in dismissal. You told him to call you by your first name. "The whole misses thing feels so serious," you insisted.

Peter just smiled, a twinkle in his eyes almost. He seemed to relax at your casualness. After the introductions, you led the men into the front room, offering up drinks and hors d’oeuvres. They helped themselves as you started to make your way back to the kitchen. For some reason, you decided to look back at the group. Your eyes met Peter’s immediately. The other men didn’t seem to notice, engrossed in some conversation as they poured their beverages. You simply smiled at the boy and headed back to the food.

It wasn’t too long after the first arrivals that the rest of the members started arriving. You didn’t have time to personally greet them all but Bucky assured you that was never necessary. You two had your own things to run, he liked to joke.

With everything places — food, silverware, centerpieces — you called the men into the dining room. They oohed and awed at the spread of lasagna, bread, veggies… All food groups were represented, you thought. As predicted, they began praising you for the meal as if it was the first time in their life that they’d ever eaten and it made you giggle. These were some of the toughest people you’d ever known and yet a simple baking dish of pasta and sauce could amaze them.

Once everyone was seated and digging in, you took your seat at the other end of the table, directly across from Bucky. As you began passing around the bread, you surprisingly found Peter sitting next to you.

"They made you sit down at this end?" You asked, handing him the breadbasket. Usually, the members dreaded sitting near the wife. While they were all so kind, in moments like these, they’d rather be at the other end looking so important.

"New guy," Peter shrugged, taking a piece of bread and moving it along.

"I thought this meeting was, like, for you," you said, cutting into the slice of lasagna one of the other men were so kind to serve you.

"No," he shook his head, beginning to eat. "At least that’s not how Mr. Barnes described it. Doesn’t matter, though. It’s just nice to be here."

You smiled, delighted by his optimism, having not seen many new members in your time with Bucky. "I hope the foods okay. I got nervous when Bucky said there’d be someone new coming around."

Peter scoffed as if finding your worry crazy which eased your mind a little. He took another bite of food. "This is easily one of the best meals I’ve had in a long time."

"Thank you, Peter," you said, taking a sip of your wine. Peter copied your motion, looking at you above the wine glass rim as he sipped.

"You did everything, yeah?" He asked, holding his wine while motioning towards the tables and surroundings. "Foods, plates, all of it?"

You nodded, probably coming off a bit more eager than you should’ve, but you couldn’t help yourself. Sure, Bucky’s guests loved to compliment your cooking but no one ever acknowledged the other pieces put into the meal.

"I try to change the table setting every season," you said, "and I like the food to be seasonal, too. There are some lovely markets around and I just adore browsing them… Oh! And the centerpieces, I got the flowers there, too…"

Your rambling died down as you caught Bucky staring at you from the other end of the table. One guy was trying to talk his ear off but he seemed interested in your conversation. Curiously, you started eying your husband back as you picked at your food. His face held an unreadable expression but, eventually, his eyes left yours and were now more focused on the one sitting next to you.

Appearing oblivious, Peter continued the conversation. "Well, I think the flowers are a nice touch," he said. "Pretty flowers picked by a pretty girl."

Your heart skipped a little at that comment. You couldn’t ignore the fact it was quite bold. While you were away of the gazes you got sometimes and the possibility you were talked about behind the scenes but to say it here? At the dinner table? With your husband just in earshot?

But at the same time, you had to consider, he was nice and probably just trying to butter you up hoping for a good word put in with the bossman. There was no doubt people thought they could get to Bucky through you but, in reality, you didn’t stick your hands in any of it. Nope, you just married into it.

Not completely sure how to respond, you simply accepted the compliment, "Well, thank you. That’s very sweet."

Peter smiled at your words, looking a bit proud of himself. You turned back to your plate and tried to eat your meal in silence.

Once everyone was finished, the group started making their way out of the dining room. You shooed them, promising to be out with coffee in a bit.

You were deep into cleaning, having finally carried all the dishes from the dining room to the kitchen when someone entered.

At first, you didn’t explicitly hear them as the faucet was running heavy from your battle of scrubbing dishes. Suddenly, you could sense a presence right behind you at the sink. Turning around, you nearly jumped out of your skin as you came face-to-face with Peter, looking almost amused at scaring you. You were surprised and also… not surprised.

"Sorry," you let out a breathy chuckle. "I didn’t hear you come in."

"That’s okay," he said and motioned towards the dirty plates lining the counter. "Do you need any help?"

"Oh," you frowned. "Shouldn’t you be in the meeting with everyone else?

He shook his head, "Mr. Barnes doesn’t want to start until he’s had coffee."

"Well, you can let him know it’s brewing away," you said, trying to keep your tone serious as you could. You turned back to the sink, praying he got the hint.

He hadn’t, you realized, as Peter came around to stand at your side, leaning against the counter. He stood, arms crossed, watching you.

It was weird — actually, this entire situation was weird. You didn’t think anyone but you or your husband had been in this kitchen before let alone actually know where it was in your home.

Despite how odd you found it, the last thing you wanted to be was rude. You didn’t want to think about what could ensue from your husband losing a guy.

"It’s kind of sad, Mrs. Barnes," Peter crossed his arms, seemingly ignoring your previous request to call you by your first name. You glanced at him, confused. "You’re so kind to do all this and none of them even offer to help you clean up."

"Oh, no, It’s okay-,"

"It’s really sad," He repeated, completely cutting off your attempt at a defense. You frowned and went back to cleaning the plates, praying your attempt to ignore him would encourage him to walk out. There was a weird feeling growing in your gut.

"Such a pretty girl shouldn’t have to do so much," Peter said, softly. "It’s not fair to you."

And that’s when you felt it. His hand slowly came up to rest on your lower back. You immediately tensed under his touch, mind spinning. What the hell had you ended up in? Should you have tried harder to get him out? Gosh, but he seemed so harmless-

His hand started inching upward and then back down, creeping a little lower each time with the motion. With your stance frozen, all you could do was focus on the soapy water in the sink, unsure of your next move. He took the hesitance as a chance to close the gap between you two. A few more shifts and he could have you fully pressed against the sink.

But before you could even ponder about his next move, the swinging kitchen door busted open. You both flinched at the sudden noise but Peter didn’t seem to move. You looked over to find it was Bucky in the doorway, gun drawn and pointed directly at Peter.

Your heart sank when you saw the weapon. Sure, you knew there was weaponry stored in the home but you had never definitely seen it. You could sometimes make out outlines of guns in suit pockets but now you were on the other end of one. While it wasn’t meant for you, with your poor positioning, a single shot and you could be taken down. And by your husband-

"What the fuck are you doing?" Bucky finally spoke, never taking his eyes off the person nearly towering over you. The gun was very steady, just like his words. But everything else about him was unlike anything you’d ever witnessed before. His eyes were dark, his features so harsh. This felt like a man you had never seen before.

"We were just talking," Peter answered. His voice was casual but you could feel a slight tremor in his hand. Or maybe that was just your body shaking uncontrollably. You couldn’t tell. "I offered to help her clean up."

Bucky cocked the gun. "Get your hands off her."

"Honey," you spoke softly, your voice slightly cracking from the tears that were beginning to form. "Please put the gun down."

"Not until he gets his hands off you, doll."

"Bucky, please." He wouldn’t look at you. He was determined to look beyond you and it scared you to death.

"You have five seconds to back away from her," Bucky took a step closer. "Or I’ll be forced to mess up my girl’s lovely kitchen."

You gasped at the sharpness in his voice, the entire darkness of it all. You started begging under your breath, hoping whoever or whatever heard the helpless prayers.

Finally, after what felt like hours to you, Peter stepped away from you. You turned to look back at the copy water where your hands were still submerged. They shook as you removed them and you let out a breath you hadn’t even realized you were holding.

Regaining some composure, you backed away from the sink and turned to your husband. Bucky still had the gun pointed at Peter, completely focused on him. Slowly, you approached him, your hands raised as if surrendering. You just needed to get the gun put away and then you could run to your room for some solitude. Fuck the other people probably oblivious, just relaxing and joking in your front room. This was typical business for them, they probably encountered your husband’s dark demeanor day in and day out, but this was going to take a toll on you.

"Honey, his hands are off of me," you whispered, slowly tiptoeing closer. "Put down the gun."

"He put his hands on you, doll," Bucky was answering you but he somehow sounded so distant, so consumed. "I let someone into this house that was going to do God knows what to you."

"No, no," you shook your head and you meant it. You didn’t think Peter was totally malicious. Just someone with a crush, high off excitement in a new place. "I really don’t think he meant harm."

"You’re too kind," Bucky scoffed. "You’re too kind, too innocent, too naive-,"

He held the gun stronger, seemingly preparing to shoot any second now. You were at the end of your rope with the realization. The waterworks were flowering uncontrollably now.

"James," you said, anger breaking through the tears. He seemed to freeze ever so slightly at your usage of his first name. "You really want to do this in front of your wife?"

Something clicked. You could feel it, you knew it. He didn’t answer and instead slowly lowered the weapon, placing it on the counter. Your husband turned to you. Seeing his opportunity, Peter sped past you two out of the kitchen. Neither of you really registered it. You were staring at one another, watching each other even begin to realize what had happened.

Now you were actually clueless. Were you meant to talk about this? Or did you just deal with it in time? The silence was killer but all your mind could focus on was the coffee machine that had gone silent, telling you it was done brewing. It was such a stupid, random thing to even focus on but you felt like your brain would explode if gave anything else the time of day.

"The coffee is ready for your meeting," you said, pulling off your apron and throwing it on the counter. Bucky watched you as stormed out of the kitchen, looking completely stunned and equally clueless.

You sat at your vanity in the bedroom. Thankfully you were able to avoid the front room, having no desire for anyone to see you in with mascara running down your cheeks.

You furiously scrubbed off your make-up despite it already almost off from the tears. Your emotions were just all over the place at this point. You didn’t know if you were angry, surprised, sad…

Mostly, you realized, you felt dumb. You could parade around being a little housewife, pretending she lived a normal life with a normal husband who had a normal job but that just wasn’t it. That wasn’t your reality in this moment. As much as you knew what his career entailed, seeing it up close like that was a whole new level. You thought you knew. You thought you knew so much.

You were just finishing changing out of your dress when the bedroom door opened. In the mirror, your angry eyes met Bucky’s worried ones. He entered slowly, shutting the door behind him. Part of you was pleased with this situation. He chose to check on you, pausing his meeting, but at the same time, you didn’t know if you could deal with anyone right now.

"How are you doing?" He finally spoke up, voice cutting through the tension.

You scoffed, "I just saw my husband pull a gun on a person in our fucking home."

Bucky shook his head and made his way over to the bed, where he sat at the edge, facing you. He wanted to get at you for swearing but much worse things had happened tonight that he didn’t know the point in it. Bucky never wanted to bring anything like that home.

He didn’t take care of that kind of "business" in this house. The meetings were routine, typically check-ins, but any deals or assignments were handled off the premises in fear of something turning ugly. He just wanted to keep you from that ugly. His sweet, soft wife who got excited over making lasagna and picking apples at the farmer’s market was never meant to be thrown into any of this. Especially not in the kind of way that just went down.

"I didn’t mean for that to happen," Bucky said. You rolled your eyes and turned quickly in your chair to face him. He ignored your attitude. "He had his hands on you. He was practically on top of you. Do you understand that? Please tell me you understand how that would make me angry."

"God, Bucky, you pulled a gun on an unarmed person!" You exclaimed. "I understand you were upset, I completely get that, but what… What was that? Who was that?"

His head tilted, confused, questioning. You shook your head in disbelief. Did he not even realize the mode he went into? The whole other person he seemed to encompass in those few minutes?

"You… you weren’t yourself," you mumbled and averted your gaze to your fingers which were fidgeting, restless. "You were scary. Disconnected. I didn’t know that person."

Bucky didn’t say anything at first. He got up from the bed and walked over to where you were seated at your vanity. He crouched down, trying to get you to look at him. Your heart pounded furiously at his close presence.

"You shouldn’t have seen that," He said. "You shouldn’t have seen any of that, doll."

His hands came to grasp yours. You wanted to pull away but you weren’t fast enough. He gripped your hands firmly as if scared you were going to vanish. Your head was swimming with even more confusion as he avoided your questioning.

"Can you even explain yourself?" You asked, finally looking up at him. Bucky’s worry seemed to have melted away and was replaced by something you once again couldn’t put your finger on.

He shook his head. The grip on your hands got tighter. "You have to understand when things come up I must act accordingly."

You didn’t understand but you had to understand. You knew you did. He was right. While jarring, that other side of Bucky did exist out there and he was probably the reason he could be so successful. And while that was something you could work on accepting, you didn’t want to see it in your home.

But for now, you didn’t want to deal with it. Emotions for you both were running high and there was no telling what could come out of your mouth anymore. You’d come back to it and work it out. There was no way you could avoid it. You didn’t think you could ever be scrubbed clean of what you saw.

"Okay," you mumbled and felt his hold on your hands loosen. "Just… Please don’t bring your work home for the time being. We can discuss this in the morning."

Bucky nodded, running his hand from your hands to your shoulder, lovingly. He mumbled okay and you sighed in relief.

For a second you wanted to just sit there, engrossed in the comfort his touch was bringing, completely and fully enjoy that you had your Bucky back, but then your brain remembered the people downstairs.

"Oh, honey," you said, "the guys are probably waiting for you."

"No," Bucky’s head shook. "I sent them home. You’re more important."

You melted at the words. Yes. Confirmed. Your Bucky was back to you. The man you loved and gave everything. He was putting you first.

"You didn’t need to do that," you mumbled, bashfully. Bucky chuckled at your reaction.

"Of course I did," he insisted. "I was worried. I never wanted you to see that. You didn’t sign up for that."

"No, Bucky, I really didn’t," you shook your head.

He sighed, "And I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

You looked down again, suddenly worried you were putting too much guilt on him but at the same time, that felt silly to even consider. You weren’t sure anymore. The day was overwhelming as the minutes continued.

"Could we just go to bed now?"

Bucky removed his hands from your shoulders and stood, allowing you to get out of the chair and make your way to the bed, under the fluffy comforter. Your husband watched, waiting until you were comfortable.

"I’ve got a few phone calls to make but then I’ll come to bed, okay?"

You nodded, eyes shut already halfway into your dream world. You heard Bucky chuckle as he turned out the lights and shut the door quietly.

You lulled yourself to sleep, head still spinning from the earlier acts. The whiplash your husband gave you was starting to catch up but how much more could you think about it? It’d come back and you’d have to deal but for now, you could pretend. At least while you slept, you could go back to putting that distance between yourself and any side of Bucky that wasn’t husband Bucky. For just a bit, you could pretend you didn’t know so much.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

taglist note: i chose not to tag in this work b/c it is an AU and was unsure if people were comfortable with being tagged in such.

[adam-banks2024]

Deja Vu

Part 1

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: Kind of angst for now, backstory, arguments, and extremely slow burn. Also future poly

He’s insufferable

He’s arrogant. He’s rude. He’s annoying.

He is insufferable.

And I have to deal with him.

Of all the people Mrs. Moore could have partnered me with, she just had to choose him. It’s not like we even put a show on in public, and it’s sad but, everybody knows about the feud between us that started four years ago. 

I had just moved to town from three states over, and I didn’t know anyone my age. After a few weeks of summer went by of not knowing anyone, my dad convinced me to join the district’s hockey team. He told me that it was because he wanted me to make some friends, but I knew that he really just couldn’t afford to pay a babysitter. And my mother, well, she wasn’t in the picture. So I ended up having to go through the lost and found at six different ice rinks in Minnesota in order to get all of my equipment. At first, I was wary of the idea, but my dad said that it was kind of like shopping, so I agreed to go with him. Originally, we would have only had to search five rinks, but I couldn’t find any skates that were my size. After almost twelve hours of rummaging through sweaty pads and broken sticks, I had myself a full set of hockey gear.

Now I was on to the next challenge: How To Skate. I had been ice skating a couple of times before for birthday parties, but I’ve never been able to skate at the level that I had to in order to survive during an entire hockey game. I thought maybe it would just come to me naturally after attending a few practices. Until I did some research at the school library. Apparently, it takes a person at least two months to learn how to ice skate. But ignoring the negative, I decided to focus on the positive. ‘I could at least balance myself...and besides, I probably would be on the bench for every game...and just remember, you’re doing this for friends.’ These were the only three things that ran through my mind on the way to the ice rink. I was honestly terrified. I was scared that the other kids would make fun of me, or worse, ignore me. Well, maybe being made fun of is worse, but at least then they’d acknowledge me. I had to stop myself from thinking about that kinda stuff. I haven’t even attended a single hockey practice yet, and now I’ve added at least four more stressors into my life.

When my dad pulled up to the building, my stomach was tingling. My hands were clammy, and my eyebags had definitely seen better days. I wanted to run so fast away from this place, and not move at all at the same time.

“Nerves,” my dad said. He must’ve noticed from my frozen state in the backseat of his minivan. “You’ll do great! Just don’t break any bones.” He chuckled at the end in hopes that it would come off as a joke, but that is definitely not how it sounded.

To my surprise, I was the first kid that had arrived. I didn’t know much about the team, but I did know that most of the other kids had been on it since they were five or six years old. I was almost the exact opposite, thirteen and just starting. I wasn’t really sure why I was the first person to arrive, and it only added to my nervousness. 

I tried to brush it off as I saw someone outside in the parking lot leave a car holding a bag like you had. I could hear his muffled voice. “I’ll see you at six.” Whoever he was talking to must have responded because the boy spoke again, “yup, love you too.” A parent maybe. A mom? I could faintly make out a silhouette in the driver’s seat, but the glare from the sun blocked most of the car window.

Thank god someone else was here because at least now I knew that I was in the right place. But another problem arose. Now, different things were rushing through my head about what to say to the other boy. Should I make a joke, ask a question? Simply say ‘hello’? I didn’t know. So, I decided to settle on the most stupid thing anyone could ever say. 

“Are you on the hockey team?” What kind of question is that? He has a bag, this time is cut out specifically for hickey practice, and he has a hockey stick with him. Why else would he be here?

He looked up from where he was walking and stared at me awkwardly. It was likely that he wouldn’t have even noticed me if I hadn’t said anything to him. But I did. Which I regretted.

“Oh, um, yeah.” He went to keep on walking but he stopped himself quickly. “Are you?”

I had to keep a laugh in because the boy looked genuinely confused. Or maybe I misjudged that for concern. Still, though, it sounded a bit hopeful. This kid was really hard to read. Either way, I was pretty sure that he thought I couldn’t play hockey.

“Yeah. My dad made me join to make some friends.” 

Suddenly the boy’s demeanor changed. He seemed almost excited that there was a new kid on the team. “Well, I’ll be your first friend. My name’s Adam. Adam Banks. Walk and talk.” And then he started towards two big double doors.

My eyebrows rose at the sudden confidence, taken off guard, but at least he was being friendly. I adjusted your bags and followed right behind him. “So what’s it like here.”

He answered after struggling to open one of the doors, “Well it’s not so bad. It’s super cutthroat during the regular season but in the offseason, it’s pretty relaxed.” As I made myself around the outside of the rink, he kept rambling. “Especially during summer league. The kids who only play during that league have it nice. You’ll definitely survive.”

“Um, so what happens during the regular season?” The thought of angry yelling coaches wasn’t appealing to me, but I could make it work

Adam shrugged his bag up so it wouldn’t fall from his shoulder, “Well. Usually, coach yells at us, tells us that if we don’t win we’re failures, and everyone is constantly fighting to be a starter.” There was silence. “So that’s fun.” I just nodded my head, trying to take this all in. Adam didn’t say anything until he reached the locker room doors. Then he turned to me. “Yeah, but coach is a lot less lenient during summer because it doesn’t really matter for playoffs.”

I scoffed, “yeah, but I’ll eventually have to deal with him. Right?”

Adam’s expression flattened, “Wait, you’re doing winter league too?” He looked genuinely concerned, and now I was second-guessing joining hockey. If this boy didn’t think I could survive, then how could I? Even if I was just gonna sit on the bench, the way this kid was making it out to be was not sounding like the greatest way to make friends.

“Well, yeah. Is that bad?” I needed to hear him say it. Say that I should quit, or join dance, or something. Just so I could have an excuse to tell my dad in case the first day of practice goes awry.

He spoke fast, “Oh no, no. It’s just that--” 

“That I’m not good enough…”

He didn’t say anything. Harsh. I was just trying to make a joke but, I guess that’s what he was really thinking. We stood in silence for a few more seconds, and then he finally thought of something to respond with.

“No. I just feel like you’ll get hurt… and, um.”

I started to laugh. I applaud Adam for trying to make it seem like he didn’t think I was bad, but he just couldn’t do it. “Don’t sweat it, I know I’m gonna be bad.” He started to laugh with me. “Hey, at least I’ll get abs out of it.” 

He and I were actually pretty good friends for the most part. He was my first friend here in Minnesota. He taught me how to skate, and in turn, I offered him some sub-par jokes. He always used to laugh at my jokes even if they were awful. He was what I considered my best friend. He definitely wasn’t a best friend, I couldn’t confide in all of my secrets, and he couldn’t do the same to me, but Adam was the only kid I was friends with. We laughed hard, we fell on the ice together. He even told his mom that practices started to end later just so he could wait with me until my dad got off work and picked me up. 

Not long after we bonded, I hato the ducks. At the time, I didn’t know exactly what happened. All my dad said to me was something about how the coach wasn’t that nice, and that he didn’t want me on his team. I didn’t really care since hockey wasn’t something that I cared about too much. So I said goodbye to Adam and explained that I had to go. I didn’t say anything about the coach-not-liking-me part because then I thought he’d feel bad for me.

“Yeah, I’m supposed to switch teams too, but I think my dads’ gonna see if I can stay on the team.” He spoke almost as if he was trying to convince himself. I thought it was a great idea to tell him why he had to go to the ducks.

“They don’t want you, Adam. Maybe if you go to the ducks, you’ll get a coach who appreciates you.” I didn’t know what was wrong with what I said to him until about a year later, but by the time I finished my sentence, he was fuming.

The situation afterward was a blur, and I can’t remember what all was said. I just remember Adam touching on the fact how I’m an awful hockey player, and that he only talked to me because he felt sorry for me. Now, if my old coach had told me that I was awful at hockey, I’d be completely fine. I already knew that, and coach is just...coach. But hearing it come from Adam? It wasn’t like he was just telling me how it is, he wanted to hurt me.

It took me two weeks to stop thinking about the situation constantly, and then it started to fade away. I never even told him the real reason why I told him what I did, but now I have to work on a history project with him. How am I gonna do that if I can’t even tell him the reason for our quarrel that we had three years ago? Let alone complete a whole project?

“The syllabus will be given tomorrow, and the deadline for this project will be written under the ‘AP History’ bulletin. You may get to work.”

I slumped out of my desk and started putting away my things that were on the table attachment. During this, I tried to think of what I was going to say when I went over to him. I almost decided on either trying to make a truce or just acting like he didn’t exist.

He was slouched in his desk, pencil in hand, avoiding eye contact with me. As I sat down my stuff on an empty desk near him, his words startled me. “So, 50/50?”

I just stared at him. For some reason, my brain could not process what Adam had just said. It took a solid four seconds for me to respond. “I don’t understand.”

Adam’s eyebrows rose while his eyes rolled, “Of course you don’t.”

I scoffed, “What, you’re just gonna say some numbers and you think I’m gonna understand what you’re trying to say?”

He was leaning forward in his desk now, “Well you seemed to be doing well in calculus, so, yes.” A small, mocking smile was now gracing his face. 

I took in a deep breath to try and refrain from spewing whatever profanities came to mind. “Look, can we just set aside whatever this is so we can do this project?” He crossed his arms in response. “C’mon, I can’t afford to get a bad grade.” Still no response. If his goal was to ruin my life, he sure was on the right path. 

“What do I get out of it?”

The audacity.

“I’m just saying. I’ll be fine with one bad grade, so what exactly is the payoff for tolerating...you?”

So there was a shiny glimmer of hope, but it would definitely come at a cost. “Anything. Anything you want. Just please, tolerate me.”

He brought a hand to his chin, acting like he was pondering his choice, “but will it really be anything?”

“Oh my god, you are so annoying.”

“Watch it.” His voice was stern.

“Okay, okay. Sorry. But yes, anything. You name it.”

Did he even know what he wanted? Or was he just trying to play this out? Either way, I’m about to have a conniption if we don’t start working on this project soon.

We sat in silence for what felt like forever. Of course, Adam had to change his thinking position almost every second, until he decided on what he wanted. “Okay, here’s the deal. I help you get your precious little A, and you have to get me a date with Charlie.”

[chuuyasnumber1simp]

Toxic- Dazai x GN! Reader

warnings: mentions of suicide, aftermath of attempted suicide, depictions of violence and torture, kidnapping, brief mentions of self harm, Dazai being toxic and borderline emotionally abusive but he has a reason, he’s a little emotionally stunted, general angst, a good ending but you have to work for it

word count: 4213

Dazai hated this time of year.

Summer was a season he oh so despised, sick of the uncomfortably hot weather that prompted people to ask why he was wearing so many layers in July.

He was sick of the pitied glances and confused faces as he strolled around Yokohama, adorning his usual trench coat and bandages.

But the one thing that made this season more bearable, was watching your face as you enjoyed all the summer activities. He couldn’t quite pin point when he started falling for you, but he did know it was around the same time he started pretending not to hate summer.

Dazai was a man of mystery, and preferred to stay that way (though deep down he wanted someone he could bare his soul with, but alas they always scurried away when he revealed the shattered pieces of his heart) yet you persisted in trying to crack him open, trying to see the real person behind the acting.

Yes, much to Dazai’s surprise, you figured out his profound talent for acting just weeks into your job at the ADA, and since attempted to see his real personality. Unfortunately, Dazai was always acting, even when he was not. Most of his life he has devoted to perfecting that act, his role, and not one single person has seen through all of the acting, all of the masks he wears. Everyday he wakes up, he climbs his tired and battered body upon that stage, and begins his act again. He has done this as long as he’s known, and he has no reason or desire to stop.

  That is, until he met you.

Despite you only being able to see through his outermost mask, you’ve always understood him better than most people. Maybe that’s what drew him to you in the first place, the way you seemed at ease in his presence, seemingly ignoring his past and even present actions. He was enamored by your personality, and soon he too felt happier when you were around. He took this into account when you approached him after work, nervously ringing your hands together, refusing to meet his eyes.

Taking a deep breath, you slightly stuttered the words he didn’t realize he wanted to hear so badly.

“Will y-you go out with me? I know you don’t really do dates, with the whole double suicide thing, and if you don’t feel the same about me that’s fine, I just really like being around you and your hot so I was just wondering—“

He silenced you by planting a soft kiss against your lips, hoping it conveyed what he hoped.

“Does that answer your question?”

The months after that were happy, a white spot on his relatively bleak life. You brightened his day when you entered the room, and he loved the way your eyes crinkled when you laughed.

Yet, he still could not find a reason to stop the attempts to end his own life.

He loved you, god he was sure of it by this point, but when he stripped of his bandages and held a razor to his wrist, your face did not flash in his mind.

When he leaned over the edge of a bridge, your smile did not make him hesitate, though he wished it did.

He was angry, angry at himself for not loving you enough, and angry at you, in some twisted way, for not being enough.

Dazai was confused, confused about why he was angry at you, and confused about why you weren’t enough of a reason to stop himself every time he tried to commit suicide.

For once, Dazai Osamu had a problem.

and he had absolutely no idea how to fix it.

...............................................................................................

This was really annoying situation.

This was your third hostage situation in a month, and honestly you were getting sick of it. You really didn’t know how you kept getting in these situations, although it wasn’t all that surprising considering your line of work.

Your coworkers -yourself included- often found themselves in situations not unlike this one, though theirs, especially poor Atsushi’s, were usually more severe.

Another day, another migraine.

This time, you were slightly afraid, just because the men here this time were more serious. The way they conducted this situation was less like a robbery plus hostages, and more like a search.

Like they were looking for someone.

This part concerned you, because who exactly could they be looking for? This was just a simple grocery store, and you doubted they received enough money to warrant the type of people these men were. Petty thieves? sure. Gang members that possessed impressive weapons? It was unusual to say the least.

Currently, they had you all lined up against the wall of the vegetable section, hands zip tied behind your back. Your unusual ability -dream manipulation- would not help you here. In fact, it usually help you at all, but you weren’t concerned about that right now.

You were concerned about why these men were asking every persons name, and what they would do once they got to you.

One of the men, tall and imposing, sporting all black and a ski mask, plus military grade boots stopped in front of you.

“Name,”

You swallowed thickly. “Why do you need that?”

No sooner had the words life your mouth did you feel the boot connect with your abdomen- and not in a nice way. You coughed harshly, a little blood dribbling out of the corner of your mouth.

“Name,”

You spit the blood onto his boot, Dazai’s defiant personality must have rubbed off on you a bit.

“I’m not giving it until you tell me why,”

You weren’t stupid- you worked at the Armed Detective Agency, and people like this don’t ask for names unless their lookin for someone, usually someone who’s ‘wronged’ them. Being in the ADA had given you a lot of friends, but also a lot of enemy’s. Being the s/o of a former mafia executive didn’t really help either.

This time, the boot met your face, throwing you directly backwards into the carrots. The feeling of cold metal on your forehead and a clicking sound net your ears, and you looked up.

“I’m going to ask one more time before I’ll have to get a little messy. What. Is. Your. Name,”

“Elvis Presley,”

You regretted your choice instantly, as the gun went off directly into your thigh. You screamed, bullet wounds were always more painful then other wounds you got on the job.

where was the police? where was Dazai?

pain made it difficult to think straight, but you surmised that giving your name would be your best bet in this situation. You were most likely whoever they were looking for, and you didn’t want to endanger the innocent hostages.

“Y/N L/N. That’s my name,”

The man roughly grabbed your arm and hauled you to your feet, dragging you away from the other hostages.

“Yeah, we got the right person. Come on, let’s get out of here before the good ol boyfriend comes along,”

A bag was placed over your head, and you were thrown into the back of what you assumed was a van. Your injury’s weren’t that severe, yet the pain was unrelenting. It seemed to increase the longer you had them, though you didn’t know why.

“I bet your wondering why your in more pain then you were a bit ago,”

a man who’s voice you didn’t recognize spoke once the van came to halt, and it set you on edge.

“That would be the handy work of my ability, which i must say, comes in handy in my line of work. I can make one injury, one tiny little paper cut hurt like a thousand knives are stabbing you,”

As he explained his ability, the pain increasingly got worse, until you were writhing on the van floor, tears streaking down your face. Eventually, it stopped, and you sagged in momentary relief, only to be dragged out of the van.

You were about to slip into a pain filled unconsciousness when the sting of a taser brought you back. You jerked and screamed, just wishing it to all be over.

“Ah ah ah,” the man with the pain ability spoke again. “We’re gonna need you conscious for all of this. It’ll be more fun for me, and more painful for you!”

“Why,” you said, voice already hoarse from the events of today. “What did I do,”

“It’s not really what you did, but more like what Dazai did,”

..........................................................................

Dazai stood outside a warehouse, guilt and fear consuming him. His breaths were short and fast, and he could feel himself spiraling.

This wasn’t supposed to happen, you didn’t do anything, it’s my fault, god i am so STUPID—

“Dazai,”

Kunikida’s voice brought him away from his darkening thoughts, and Dazai tried to calm himself. Having a panic attack would not help the situation.

“Y/N is not helpless. I’m sure whatever this people have done, they’ll be fine,”

While Dazai wanted to believe his partner, he knew this specific group was known for their intense torture methods, because of their leaders ability. Dazai knew that the Port Mafia took down the majority of their organization, and he’d been tasked with breaking their leader, Takahashi Watanabe, and he did it through torturing and then murdering his fiancé. Dazai grimaced internally, the things he did in the Port Mafia usually did come back to bite him. He just wished they would leave you out of it.

This wasn’t the first time you had been dragged into grudges between Dazai and his old victims, and the guilt he felt about it had been building for some time now.

After deciding on a plan, Kunikida would take out the guards while trying to make as little noise as possible, and Dazai would enter, take down whoever was inside, and get you out. Kunikida would join him once he was done with the guards.

Kunikida’s ability came in handy at times like these, and although he did not show it, Dazai appreciated the strict man.

While Kunikida made quick work of the guards, Dazai slipped into a no longer protected entrance, and quietly surveyed the area.

Dazai had seen many things, he’d done many things, but absolutely nothing could have prepared him for your beaten and bleeding body, chained up against a wall, the ring leader standing in front of you.

Every time Takahashi flicked his wrist, you would start writhing in pain screaming out to whoever would hear you.

Dazai couldn’t stomach any more of his lover being tortured right in front of him, so he rushed out from his hiding place and punched him in the back of his head, feeling his own fingers fracture and pop at the force.

“That’s enough of that now,”

Takahashi was stupid, and left all of his men to guard the entrances, leaving no one actually inside the building but himself and you. Dazai undid the chains, and you wrapped your arms around his neck, sobbing loudly into his chest.

“I thought I was going to die, it was so painful—“

“I know,” Dazai ran his non injured hand through your hair, rubbing circles in your back with the other. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here fast enough,”

“It’s okay,”

Although you told him it was okay, Dazai could not ignore the pit of guilt gnawing away at his insides. Every time this happened the guilt got stronger, taking over his mind, the thoughts of you being better off without him filled his mouth and head, choking him with all the softness of ash. He’d debated breaking up with you for months, not because he no longer loved you, but because the less you were attached to him, the less likely you were to be dragged into these situations.

Takahashi was the final straw, so while Kunikida drove the car that held you and Dazai back to the agency, Dazai silently made up his mind that it would be easier for you to break up with him if you hated him. Though it pained him to think of no more soft mornings with you by his side, or quiet nights where he wakes up heaving and your there to comfort him, he knows that you’ll be better, happier without him.

..........................................................................

Yosano healed you quickly, as Dazai waited nervously outside the door, swollen and purple fingers throbbing. You came out looking good as new, though Dazai doubted you had mentally and emotionally recovered at all.

He walked you back to the apartment, assuring you that Kunikida would let the both of you off easy this once, considering the day you’ve had.

And for once, Dazai was quiet.

The walk was quiet, and not in a good way. You were inside your own head, reeling from the events of today, and Dazai was mentally preparing himself for the conversation he was about to have with you upon arriving at your apartment.

“Ugh,” You collapsed on the couch, not even changing out of your bloody and filthy clothes before wrapping yourself in a blanket.

Dazai felt his heart twist as you looked up at him with your big e/c eyes, and knew what he was going to do would hurt you. And for that, he internally apologized.

“Dazai? Is something wrong? you’ve been quiet ever since we left the agency. You didn’t even joke when Atsushi fell asleep in a cupboard again,”

“I’m breaking up with you,”

You scoffed. “Yeah right. Come on, what’s really bothering you?”

“No I’m serious,” He willed his eyes to remain cold, and hoped his face showed no sign of emotion. “I don’t love you, and to be honest I’m not sure I ever did. It was a nice thought, our relationship, but really, I just wanted to see how long I could take this with you,”

Your eyes were filled with confusion and hurt, and he saw tears prick the corners of your eyes.

“W-What?”

“Ah, did poor little Y/N think I really loved them? Or were you just projecting your emotions onto me, like you always do,”

The hurt in your eyes turned to anger. “You know what? Go to hell. If you think you can just play with my emotions and lead me on for five months, then I never want to see you again,”

“That’s the spirit!” Dazai snapped his fingers.

Stop.

“Were you lying then? This whole time, was it all a lie?”

The bandage covered brunette rolled his eyes. “Duh,”

Your hurting them. Stop it.

You wiped the tears from your eyes, then stood up and met him with a cold stare.

“I hope your next suicide is a success you monster,”

You walked out of the apartment with your head held high, though he knew you, so he knew you would probably head to Yosano’s place, and breakdown there. Maybe even Atsushi’s, if you really felt sad.

When he watched you slam the door, it all hit him, that you were gone, and he’d done it on purpose.

He’d ruined the only good thing he had in life, so now, once more, Dazai Osamu was alone.

..........................................................................

If Dazai hadn’t hated himself before, he definitely did now.

When he walked into work the next day, Atsushi slapped him. Hard.

Atsushi, of all people, had slapped Dazai.

The entire agency stopped, save for Ranpo, as Dazai lifted a hand to the growing red mark on his cheek.

“How dare you,” Atsushi started, eyes wild, tiger fur starting to grow from his arms. “Be an absolute dick to Y/N. You lead them on for five months Dazai, and then had the audacity to break it off after they got tortured? Because of how disgusting of a person you were? No, let me correct myself, how much of a disgusting person you are. If it were up to me, I’d fire you from the agency, and ship you back to the Port Mafia, since your so keen on being a monster!”

Dazai could feel his façade crumbling, and he felt the shocked and outright disgusted looks of his coworkers.

“If I were you,” Yosano spoke very quietly. “I would leave while you still have your life. You being immune to my ability will not stop me from slicing your entire body into pieces if you don’t leave and go back to whatever sewer you crawled out of,”

Dazai took his cue and left, letting his façade break when he hears you sniffle next to Kenji. Eyes downcast, Dazai whispers something so quiet not even Atsushi’s enhanced hearing could detect it.

“I’m sorry,”

..........................................................................

Dazai didn’t get out of bed for three days.

He couldn’t even sleep, dreams of you being tortured was all he saw whenever he closed his eyes. The memory of your face as he ripped apart your heart forever ingrained in his mind, a testimony to his treachery.

He wept bitterly, aware that all of your suffering he was the cause of. He was no doubt fired from his job, Fukuzawa was a kind and patient man, but he would not allow this kind of plain heartlessness. He’d known what kind of man Dazai was when he applied for a job at the ADA, but Dazai knew no amount of kindness could forgive what he’d done to you.

He dragged himself into the living room, turning on the tv, hoping to distract himself from his thoughts.

He flicked through the channels, then almost dropped the remote when he saw the report.

“The Armed Detective Agency building is currently on fire, Detectives Kunikida, Ranpo, and their coworkers have all exited the building safely, but Detective L/N is still inside. Due to their injury’s, the remaining detectives have not been permitted to re-enter the building to save Detective L/N, leaving all of us to pray they make it out alive. Their healer, Yosano, is out on a business trip, so all we can do is put our faith in modern medicine,”

Dazai ran out the door before the news reporter had even finished speaking, throwing on shoes and sprinting the the office. Luckily, he lived close enough to get there in ten minutes, and he spared no time ducking under the police tape.

“Dazai! Stop!” Kunikida yelled at him from beside a fire truck, and several firemen and policemen tried to stop him. He flashed his ADA badge -thank god he brought it with him- and dashed inside the burning building.

He choked on the heavy smoke, coughing heavily.

“Y/N! Where are you!”

He climbed the stairs, ignoring the burns of the flames that licked his arms and legs.

He burst into the office, fire consuming the room. He jumped over some fire that had spread across the floor, looking under each desk. Finally, under Ranpo’s desk, you were curled up clutching a stack of files.

“D-Dazai?” Soot covered your face, and he could hear your lungs heaving.

“I know I’m the last person you want to see right now, but your going to die if you stay in here,”

Carrying you bridal style, he ran out of the room, but stopped because the stairs down to the last level had completely caved in. It wasn’t too far to jump, by the only thing that greeted the both of you were bright orange flames.

He looked out the window beside you two, wasting no time to punch the glass, not caring about the shards stuck in his knuckles, before looking down at your form. You couldn’t longer see the rise and fall of your chest, and almost screamed.

“This might hurt,”

He leapt out the window, clutching you close to him, tucking and rolling so he took the brunt of the damage. With a sickening crunch, his shoulder popped out of its socket, but he didn’t care, he laid your lifeless form on the pavement, and began CPR.

“Someone get me an ambulance!” He yelled, never stopping chest compressions. His arms ached, his dislocated shoulder screaming at him to stop.

“Come on Y/N, wake up!” He screamed, tears making streak marks on his grime covered his face. He was vaguely aware of a medic running over to him, he could barley see past the blur of his own tears.

The medic gently took you away from him, and he held his face in his hands, sobbing. Atsushi crouched down besides him, but Dazai didn’t care. He didn’t care that anyone watching could see him cracking and breaking, he just wanted to know if you were okay.

“Why are you upset? I thought you didn’t love her?”

Dazai stood up. “I lied. I was stupid, and I lied, because don’t you see,” he turned to Atsushi, aware of the manic look he must have in his eyes. “She’s better off without me. She keeps getting injured because of my disgusting past. You said it yourself, I’m a monster,”

“Dazai—“ Atsushi started.

“Y/N is gone, and all of this is my fault,”

No one knew what to do, they’d never seen Dazai show this much emotion, they’d never seen his faces break, never seen him this broken.

Kenji was the only to move, the only to step towards the form of the crumbling man before them.

“Do you love them?”

“Yes. I really do. Now I’m scared I’ll never get to tell them again,”

Kenji motioned to Kunikida, and Dazai’s partner stepped toward him.

“Your truly an idiot Dazai. Don’t you think Y/N knew what they were getting into when they started dating you?”

“Well I don’t know, but I didn’t want them to get hurt anymore so I—“

“And therein lies your issue. You made a decision for them, without even asking their thoughts. Now you’ve caused pain for the both of you, and you may never get to apologize. Although I’m positive Y/N will make it out of this, i think you should go to the hospital to be there when they wake up,”

Dazai simply nodded once, taking in Kunikida’s words, then walked in the direction of the hospital. Kunikida was right. He is stupid. But hopefully, not too stupid for you.

He must’ve looked so dumb, walking into your hospital room, nervously ringing his hands together, not unlike you did when you asked him out.

“Dazai? What are you doing here?”

“Um, I kind of wanted to apologize. For being a monster,” his voice hitched on the last word, and he hoped you didn’t notice.

“Well? I’m waiting. Just because you saved my life doesn’t mean i don’t resent you for what you said,”

“I know I just...” Dazai took a deep breath before continuing.

“I’ve hated myself for a long time, that’s no mystery. But when we were together, it made all the pain go away. Even if it was just for a moment, it felt good. But, I lied to you. I’m stupid and I lied to you. I thought if you hated me, it’d be easier for you to get over me. I was wrong, but please understand,” he took your hand in his. “I didn’t break up with you because I didn’t love you. It’s the opposite. I love you, a lot, but you keep getting dragged into messes and horrible situations because of how much of a horrible person I was. How much of a horrible person I am,” Dazai hated the way his voice had started to wobble, but he kept going. “Y/N, I’m so sorry I told you all those things. I’m so sorry I broke up with you, and I’m sorry for how much my past has put you through. If you still never want to see me again, I understand, and I’ll leave now,” At this point, tears were quietly slipping down his cheeks, splattering on your hand that was held by Dazai’s. “Sorry,”

You locked Dazai with a hard gaze. “I haven’t fully forgiven you just yet. Breaking up with me over something that could have been discussed was stupid of you,”

Dazai nodded, turning to leave the room.

“But,”

But?

You continued softly. “Someone who doesn’t love me wouldn’t jump out of a burning building and perform CPR that saved my life. I don’t think your a monster, and I don’t think your a horribly person. A little dumb yeah, and definitely not perfect, but you know,”

He turned back to face you, hope rising in his chest.

“I think that’s why I fell in love with you. Because of the person you are underneath, the person you are underneath all that acting,”

Despite you still being injured, you wobbled over to his shaking form.

“So, Dazai Osamu, I’m willing to give you a second chance. Provided you vow to try to stop committing suicide, because it hurt when you did it. It hurt to know that I wasn’t enough to keep you here. And next time, let’s talk about stuff okay?”

He nodded mutely, and you opened your arms.

“Come here,”

He wasted no time hugging you tight, shamelessly crying. Tears of sadness, tears of joy whatever they were, Dazai didn’t care.

Because Dazai had finally found his reason for living.

Hi this is self indulgent nd i wrote it on my phone. Its a vent sorta, i kinda want one of my comfort characters to hug me rn :))))) messed up family life amiright guys

[phatphrog]

Zuko would be a Gryffindor and no, you can’t change my mind.

helloooo tumblr. I’m back from my lil hiatus- for now ;) but most importantly, I offer you this as I crawl out of my cave:

so, brief intro. This is based off of my original comments on Pinterest (pictured above), but hopefully written to be a bit more coherent. That comment section had some intense debates, but it was fun seeing everyone’s takes, so I thought I’d bring it over here. I saw lot of people on the Zuko=Slytherin side but, as you can see, I have some strong opinions to the contrary. You guys don’t know this about me but I was obsessed with Harry Potter for a longgg time. I may not be as actively into it now, but once a Potterhead always a Potterhead. That being said- this is all for fun! Reblog/comment your thoughts. What do you think the characters houses would be- let me know :)

Mm yes delicious literary parallels- the stories and characters of Zuko and Sirius Black mirror each other in a lot of ways. That shared angst? Family trauma? Yessir. (And bonus points for being considered heartthrobs haha) If we’re translating Zuko’s story to the HP universe, him having a similar situation to Sirius would make total sense from a literary standpoint. For those of you unfamiliar with the story, Sirius Black is from a long prestigious line of pure bloods. (All wizard ancestry). His family is well off and highly respected, in *certain* circles. Most notably though, they’re all Slytherins. It’s a huge part of their identity- they pride themselves heavily on carrying on the tradition of both being a Slytherin and more or less being part of the bad guys. No one really can choose otherwise. Sirius however, gets sorted into Gryffindor, and allies with people that stand for the complete opposite of what his family believes in. He ends up fighting against his own family in order to help defeat Voldemort. Sirius is literally burned off of the family tree tapestry- he’s an outcast, a disgrace to his own family. Sound familiar? Zuko being sorted into Gryffindor while his whole family had always been Slytherins (Azula would 100% be top off her class in Slytherin), having to grow from their bigotry, struggling with his identity and being shunned from his family, and eventually joining the good guys? Yeah, that adds up. Take out the Hogwarts houses and that’s basically his story already. 

Honor!!! Okay, this ones pretty short. Basically, Zuko’s actions mostly come from a place of wanting to do the right thing and honor. (Granted, what he did in Seasons 1-2 wasn’t the right thing, but he thought it was at the time). Just the idea of being obsessed with honor (again, the Fire Nations idea of honor is warped but let’s think of it as it’s neutral meaning here- think of chivalry, good reputation, respect, etc) of is more of a Gryffindor thing to me, and again, trying to do the right thing is very much a Gryffindor trait.

Determination aka one of the main Gryffindor traits. Bravery, determination, passion, all define a Gryffindor. Passion is pretty self explanatory, Zuko’s a passionate person, period. Bravery we’ll get to in the next bullet. You cannot tell me my man Zuko is not determined. Some argue that much of his actions were out of ambition, which I’ll get to later, but the way he goes about all of his tasks (capturing the avatar, joining the Gaang, getting Katara to forgive him) is very much Gryffindor. He simply does not give up. He keeps going forward, no matter what- no matter the difficulties, Zuko will keep going. He’s determined, always.

Brave, brash, and a not so small sprinkle of self-sacrifice In their constant efforts to do the right thing, Gryffindors often act recklessly, simply crashing forward in earnestness to do the right thing, to save the day, etc. This is very much Zuko. I love him, but let’s be honest, he can be a bit dumb at times. He’s very brash and can get caught up in the moment. He tends to just run ahead, often acting without thinking, except maybe about his end goal. Not to mention, he’s incredibly brave. I could use countless examples, but the first ones that come to the mind are the Agni Kai with Azula, and leaving to join the Gaang during the eclipse. Zuko literally throws himself in front of lightning for someone. Without a second thought, he sacrifices his own life for someone else. Now if that isn’t reckless Gryffindor bravery in its purest form, I don’t know what is. Zuko leaves behind his throne, his family, girlfriend, honor, home, everything, with the very real possibility of never returning, to join the Gaang. He leaves it all behind, to do the right thing. That is most definitely not a Slytherin move. Maybe he could act as a double agent, giving information to the Gaang while retaining his throne, if he was Slytherin, but that blind all or nothing sacrifice for the greater good is simply out of character for a Slytherin. Not to say they’re evil by any means, but they’re cunning. Your average Slytherin just wants to ensure their well being, and is clever about doing so.

Ambition & Cunning (or not really) One of the most popular arguments for Zuko being a Slytherin is that his quest to capture Aang, was done out of ambition. I would argue that yes, he was ambitious in pursuit of the Avatar, but ultimately his actions were not fueled out of self interest, but for acceptance from his father. He wants to be welcomed back home, he wants love and acceptance. Secondly, Zuko really isn’t that cunning. See all of the above points for more evidence, but he’s simply not. He thunders ahead without a second thought. He doesn’t achieve his goals through meticulous planning, or manipulation and deceitful actions, he just goes for it. Let’s look at Azula, who I think we can all agree is a Slytherin through and through. Many of her most valued traits by Ozai, what makes her so formidable, and what Zuko tries again and again to be more like, are in turn her most Slytherin-esque traits. Azula is the definition of cunning and calculated. She plans every step. She analyzes her enemies weaknesses, their strengths. She’s incredibly powerful, but she doesn’t go full force all the time, she’s meticulous in when and how to use that power. Try as he might, Zuko can never be like her. It just isn’t in his nature. He’s not calculating or manipulative, he’s painfully brash, passionate, and straight forward. Take season 2 episode 8, “The Chase.” While Aang is fighting with Azula and Zuko, he gets to the second story of a building via airbending that doesn’t have a floor. In pursuit of him, Azula almost falls through, but quickly realizes and deftly jumps off to the side. Shortly after, Zuko runs through with a determined yell, but doesn’t notice and crashes straight down. This, is the perfect example of them as characters and their dynamic. Azula, always on guard and calculating, Zuko, full steam ahead, all passion and bravery, no hesitation.

Not everyone’s a hero! A common misconception is that Slytherins are the bad guys while Gryffindors are the good guys. I’ve seen this argument as evidence for Zuko being a Slytherin- he wasn’t a hero for most of the story, so he can’t possibly be a Gryffindor. First of all, Zuko has never truly been evil. He’s constantly had the conflicting ideas of good and evil, i.e- Roku and Sozin, within in him; it just takes a long and difficult journey to become a hero. And again, his actions were fueled not by selfish intent, but by a need for acceptance, and that’s all he knew. By merely going through that incredibly painful journey of growth, he ultimately proves his bravery even more, and his determination. He went through all that hardship, but kept going, kept fighting, and came out a good person in the end. I want to stress this point though- not all Gryffindors are these dashing heroes, especially not straight away. Look at Colin Creevey or Neville Longbottom- both Gryffindors, and both untraditional heroes. Sure, they were never ‘evil’, but they did start off unassuming, anxious, and awkward. Many, including themselves, doubted their status as Gryffindors, but by the end of the series through their growth and hard work, ended up proving themselves as the heroes they always had been, even if they didn’t know it. Heroism comes in many different forms and from many different places.

I could probably go on, but I’m sure you get the idea. Let me know what you think! I’m very much team Zuko=Gryffindor obviously, but I’m not sure about the other characters. I’d love to hear everyone’s ideas or takes on my argument :)

[kittyprincessofcats]

She-Ra S5 E06 - Taking Control

Yes, I am still determined to finally finish these reviews because I have thoughts on all of these episodes and still want to write them down (even though it’s been ages), so here we go. Spoilers for the rest of the season in case you haven’t watched it yet.

So let’s get into it:

- I love that they just took Wrong Hordak with them and that they’re actually calling him “Wrong Hordak”.

- Adora obsessively checking on Catra all the time is so sweet ❤️ (but also sad because she just came so close to losing her for good).

- “I honestly can NOT believe it worked.” Yeah, I’m with Bow on that. But like I explained in my Save the Cat review, I actually love that their super risky plan ends up working, as it already shows that Horde Prime is not as invincible as it seems.

- “Well, friends and one person who threw me off a cliff once.” I’m so here for all the “former enemies who now casually reference all the times they hurt each other in the past” banter, you have no idea!

- “I am honored to provide nourishment for my exalted brothers.” I love Wrong Hordak. Pretty much every one of his lines is a winner.

- Change in the opening: Only a tiny one (for now), but Wrong Hordak has been added to the heroes’ shot in the end and his expression is hilarious.

- Catra’s flashbacks to Horde Prime submerging her in that pool are so painful. (I saw a theory on here somewhere that this is why Catra’s fear of water seems even worse in season 5 compared to before. It makes sense when you consider Horde Prime tortured her in that pool. Side-note: This also makes me want to have a word with all those people who complain that Catra’s redemption was “too easy”. She literally went through extreme torture and mind-control to protect other people, but go off about how that’s “easy” or not a vaild reason for those people to forgive her, I guess.)

- Gosh, just the fact that she’s so panicked when she wakes up 💔

- I love how Adora, despite being so concerned and wanting to reach out for her, holds back and gives Catra her space.

(- Side-note: Let me take this moment to shamelessly promote what’s most likely Noelle’s fanfic: Don’t Go by Annacharlier on AO3 does an amazing job filling in the blanks between Save the Cat and Taking Control and explaining what goes on in Adora and Catra’s heads here. Give it a read if you haven’t already!)

- “I keep having this horrible vision of a blonde girl who thinks she’s better than everyone barging into my room all day.” I love how Catra’s still her snarky self, though. And how Adora isn’t even mad and just smiles at this.

- Okay, so the obvious topic of Catra not wanting to face everyone she’s hurt aside, I find it interesting how Entrapta is the only person she doesn’t use a nickname for - she calls them Arrow Boy, Sparkles and Entrapta. I think it’s a mix of her knowing Entrapta better than the others, and her respecting Entrapta more.

- The entire fight between Adora and Catra is such a good scene (as sad as it is). Catra doesn’t want to face all her mistakes (she didn’t think she’d actually live long enough to have to), is plagued by obvious guilt and still doesn’t really realize that Adora came back for her because she cares about her (hence her accusation that Adora “just loves feeling like a hero”). Adora on the other hand thinks that things should be okay now because she saved Catra and they’re together again, so why can’t they just make up? She doesn’t realize that Catra needs a bit of time to really digest everything that’s happened. And that “I never hated you!” moment? Beautiful. I think it’s a huge thing for Catra to realize that even when they were enemies, Adora’d didn’t hate her.

- Many She-Ra episodes have two plots going on at once and one of them happens to be way more interesting than the other. In season 1, it was often “the Horde plot is more interesting than the Bright Moon plot” for me. In this episode, it’s a very clear “the plot in space is more interesting than the one on Etheria” - sorry.

- I’m glad we finally got a Spinnetossa kiss, though!! This season is just bringing all the gay!

- Micah freaking out about Glimmer potentially not liking him (not realizing that Glimmer’s really not a kid anymore) is also kind of cute.

- I love Glimmer’s expression when Adora complains about Catra. She just looks so #done with all of this.

- Adora calling Catra a “stubborn brat” is amazing. (Though tbh, I misheard her at first and thought she said “stubborn cat” - which would be true, too.)

- “Did you think she was going to just instantly become a totally different person?” That’s a very good point and I’m glad the show didn’t make Catra just insantly act completely differently.

- “I believe - in Horde Prime.” Look, I could just quote all of Wrong Hordak’s lines here because they’re just too good 🤣. Also, the fact that his apron says “Smooch the chef” in first one’s writing? Amazing.

- Poor Bow being the designated driver and having to fly into an asteroid field. Love how excited Entrapta is about it, though.

- I just noticed that when Catra’s getting those flashes after the ship is hit, the first image she sees is of Krytis!

- “Once again, Catra is ruining out lives!” Okay, but that’s really not her fault this time. Though I get that Adora’s just being overdramatic here. (“Then try not to hit anything!” 🤣) Also, my first thought was Wrong Hordak was sending the trace signal, not Catra’s chip - but the chip does make more sense, since Wrong Hordak was cut off from the hivemind and Horde Prime also couldn’t find Hordak for years.

- Honestly, the group on Etheria should have left that party way sooner. Something was so obviously super off there, and they noticed it as well - but still stuck around for way too long. (But then again, they had no idea about the chips at all, so maybe that’s a bit harsh.)

- The way Spinnerella moves her neck when she says “something weird just happened” - very nice hinting/foreshadowing there!

- “Me? Why would I wanna hurt you? Ooooh, you mean because you sent me to Beast Island, stole my work and used it to rip a hole in the fabric of space and time? I get it. Hold still.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Have I mentioned I LOVE ENTRAPTA??? I love how she’s not even mad at first and then so genuinely proud of herself for “getting it” - but also, since this is pretty much the worst thing Catra’s ever done and something she (rightfully) feels a lot of guilt over, I’m glad the show took the time to address it. Yeah, it’s played for laughs here at first, but then the episode actually seriously addresses it.

- “We’re doing this. Then if you think hiding from the people you hurt will make you feel better, we’ll drop you off and you’ll never have to see us again. *sigh* You’ll never have to see me again.” THIS MOMENT. Okay, let’s get into this: I like that Adora’s not letting Catra get away with anything here. That she tells her straight-up that they have to remove the chip or else Prime will find them, that she questions if hiding from everyone she’s hurt will really make Catra feel better, but that she also agrees to drop her off if Catra really wants that. And I like how Catra, now that Adora is offering her what she said she wanted earlier, realizes she doesn’t actually want to lose Adora again either. Adora offered to let her go, and Catra realized she doesn’t want that. I also really like Catra asking Adora to stay: It shows that Adora’s presence still makes Catra feel safe, hence why she wants her there for the chip removal procedure, but it also nicely foreshadows the finale, where Catra will ask Adora to “stay” again. Also, all that hand-holding and blushing? Cute.

- “I’m not protecting you, I’m protecting them.” YES. And here’s where Micah shows that he does take Frosta seriously and does understand how strong she is - good!

- Catra seeing Horde Prime’s thoughts: First of all, it breaks my heart how tiny and scared she sounds when she talks about Horde Prime “using” her (but also not really because I’m evil and I’m here for the angst). Then, I like how she insists she has to do this because otherwise Adora will “do something stupid and get herself killed” - Catra is super protective of Adora. And again with the hand-holding and asking Adora to stay with her 😭. I also like that it really works and Catra ends up finding out what Horde Prime is doing and even seeing what’s going on on Etheria.

- Also: I like that Horde Prime is genuinely furious about Adora saving Catra. That the whole reason he changed his strategy and started chipping people on Etheria is because he’s genuinely pissed about that and wants revenge (something Double Trouble will again confirm one episode later).

- Can we also talk about Adora and Catra immediately reaching for each other and hugging when the ship gets hit?

- “She-Ra, if you really are out there: Are you getting this?” Okay, but that’s just the thing: She literally is getting this! I like how the two plots connect here and how Adora becoming She-Ra and defeating the ships in space also helps Swift Wind power up and save the others.

- Everyone’s already talked about this at length, but I love She-Ra’s new transformation! The symbols representing Adora’s friends (winged boots for Glimmer, heart for Bow, mask for Catra), the way better outfit and hair in a ponytail, the beautiful galaxy background with those lights, the triumphant orchestra version of the transformation music - I’m here for all of it! (Also for Catra’s little blush at the end there.)

- She-Ra destroying the ships in space is epic.

- Catra’s apology to Entrapta is such a huge moment for her and such a nice scene! I like how she technically didn’t even have to do it: Entapta didn’t expect an apology and was already on her way out. But Catra has been feeling bad about this for a long time and realized now that she doesn’t actually want to run away. And after we’ve seen Catra being awful to everyone and feeling guilty over what she did to Entrapta since early season 4, it feels so good to finally hear her genuinely apologize for it (and genuinely apologize to someone other than Adora in general). And Entrapta patting her head with her hair is so precious 😭. I love both of them.

- The scene of Catra joining everyone else at dinner is so good 😭😭😭. How she’s finally ready to face them, but still sits away from them, not expecting to be forgiven or accepted, how Bow and Glimmer make room for her and invite her to join, how her ears perk up at that, Glimmer offering her food, that glance between her and Adora... YES. Catra is someone who’s been rejected and made to feel like an outcast her entire life, and she was convinced everyone hated her now. Bow and Glimmer inviting her to sit with them here was so important.

- I love Entrapta asking if the food comes in smaller sizes. She just has a thing for tiny food and I can respect that.

- And... oh no, Spinnerella is chipped!

This was another really good episode! I like how it shows Catra’s growth and shows her working on herself. I also like how things weren’t just immediately okay between her and Adora and that she still has to work on actually redeeming herself even after her heroic sacrifice. But I also think it’s realistic that Adora and Glimmer aren’t holding a grude against her, since she literally went through hell for them. Her apology to Entrapta was really beautiful and all the soft moments between her and Adora make my heart melt.

[Previous episode]   [Next episode]

[deathlikesdeep-dish]

Onigiri (Bokuto x Akaashi)

Hello!!

Took a break from my regularly scheduled One Piece programming to write a quick fic for my best friend’s birthday.

Happy 27th, girl! It’s been about 12 years since I gifted you a fic so seems like it’s about time to circle back to it. (oh god, i’m on the same shit that i was when i was 15, someone HELP)

no warnings! slight angst, mostly FLUFF.

It had been 6 years since Bokuto had seen Akaashi last. After graduating Fukorodani together, the pair had gone their separate ways. Akaashi had stayed in Tokyo, working as a copy editor for a small manga company. It had always been Akaashi’s dream to write manga, so when the offer came in, despite how menial the job would likely be, he could not turn it down. 

But Bokuto had asked him to. It was one of the last conversations that they had. 

6 years prior

“Akaashi, c’mon, you can’t be serious,” Bokuto protested. “You’re going to work there? Going on coffee runs and fixing people’s punctuation?”

After practice was over, Akaashi and Bokuto walked home together, as was their evening ritual. They were practically neighbors, and it was tradition, particularly after practice, to get rice balls on their way home and eat as they walked. Although, there’d been a slight shift in their dynamic in the last few weeks. It was not as easy or casual as it once was. There was always this energy vibrating between the two of them that neither could exactly figure out. A few nights prior, Akaashi’s shoe had caught on a raised edge of the sidewalk, causing him to tumble forward. Bokuto, quick on his feet, had grabbed Akaashi’s arm to steady him, inadvertently pulling their bodies closer together. They didn’t understand why the flow of energy seemed to multiply with the contact. Or why either of them felt drawn in by it, hypnotized into closing the gap between them. 

A car had sped by, the sound startling them both out of their delirium. Akaashi had mumbled a lame apology and the two hadn’t spoken about it since. That, of course, didn’t mean that they had not been replaying the scene in their minds almost constantly. 

“It’s a step in the right direction, Bo,” Akaashi responded quietly, taking a bite of his food. Bokuto ran a hand through his hair, exasperated. He stopped mid-stride in the middle of the dimly lit sidewalk.

“A step in the right direction?” Bokuto questioned. “And what direction is that exactly? Because from where I’m standing, it seems like you’re turning down the amazing opportunity that you have in front of you. Traveling around the world and playing volleyball with your best friend? Why would you pass that up?” 

Akaashi fought the urge to yell. He gritted his teeth.. “It was a pity offer and you know it, Bokuto. That coach only offered it to me because he wanted you. I’d probably be on the bench all season.”

“I’d fucking kill them if they did that!” Bokuto yelled. “You’re way too good to bench! It totally wasn’t a pity offer. You’re amazing, Akaashi, and coach’ll see it soon too.”

Akaashi fell silent, looking away from Bokuto. “I’m not going. I don’t want to. I don’t give a shit what that coach thinks about me. Volleyball was never in the cards for me after high school. Not like it is for you, Bokuto.” 

For the first time in their friendship, Bokuto didn’t have an immediate response. There were so many questions. So many things that Bokuto didn’t understand about the change between him and his best friend. There were so many things that he wanted to say.

I want you to come. 

I want you to come travel and play volleyball.

I want you to come travel and play volleyball with me.

I want you to travel with me.

I want you with me.

Please don’t leave me all alone, Akaashi. I can’t do this without you. 

I think I might love you.

But Bokuto said none of those things out loud. Confused, hurt and scared, the words Bokuto chose instead were, “Goddamn, Akaaashi, you’re such a self-centered prick, you know that? All you ever think about is yourself and what you want. I gave so much to this friendship over the years, and you won’t even consider it. Glad I wasted all this time.” 

From the look on Akaashi’s face, Bokuto knew that his words had cut through Akaashi mercilessly. And despite the pang of guilt that Bokuto felt, he did not take the words back. In fact, he doubled down on them.

“You know what, you’re right. It is probably better that you stay behind. I can’t have all your negativity weighing me down all the time.” Bokuto finally concluded.

Akaashi could feel his heart drop deep into his gut, the aching sadness a satellite pain that crept into his limbs, to the very tips of his fingers and toes. Had he imagined something between them that night? Had Bokuto not felt the same pit of anticipation deep in his core? There were so many things that he wanted to say.

I want you to stay here.

I want you to stay here and play volleyball while I write manga.

I want you to stay here and get rice balls with me after your practice.

I want you to stay here with me.

I want you with me.

Please don’t leave me all alone, Bokuto. I can’t do this without you.

I think I might love you.

But Akaashi said none of those things out loud. Instead, Akaashi said “I don’t even know why I ever became friends with you. I wish I hadn’t.” 

Bokuto could feel his heart wrench at Akaashi’s words. But he dare not cry, though he felt the moisture creeping up to the corners of his eyes and a tell-tale tightness within his chest. It was the worst thing that Akaashi could have said to him in that moment. The one thing that would rip Bokuto apart at the seams. 

“I should be going now.” Bokuto finally said, as if the last sentence had not been spoken. “I leave on Friday for Europe. We’ll be training for a few months and then traveling over to the States.” 

“Have a safe flight.” Akaashi replied simply. Bokuto nodded.

“Bye ‘Kaashi,” Bokuto said quietly. 

Akaashi did not reply. And though there was no way that either of the boys could have known this, each of their parting thoughts that night were I think I might be losing the love of my life.

Present Day

It had been 6 years since they’d seen each other. But one day in early summer, as fate would have it, they would see each other again. This coffee shop was the one that Akaashi frequented when he needed a quiet place to sketch. Though he had all of his materials at the office, the constant badgering was not always conducive to creativity. It was also somewhat off the beaten path, which suited Akaashi, as his notoriety had risen with the publication of his now very popular original manga. 

Akaashi also liked the coffee shop because it was situated in such a way that he could sit in the corner of the shop and see down both sides of the sidewalk, which made for excellent people watching. Sometimes, he’d sit for hours and sketch faces. Faces of the customers that came in or the people that sat at the bistro tables along the sidewalk. He’d capture their expression and movement, drawing them in his own style as practice and inspiration for his manga. 

Pinching his brows together, Akaashi took off his glass before rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. 

“Akaashi?” A voice questioned from his right. He froze. He recognized that voice.

It can’t be. He slowly lifted his gaze, following the direction of the voice. 

“Akaashi!” The voice said again, this time with conviction and excitement. 

Akaashi’s eyes soon fell on the smiling face of Bokuto Kotarou. With a grin, Bokuto rushed over to where Akaashi was seated. Akaashi was in shock, his jaw agape as he took in the form of his best friend. 

“B-Bokuto?” Akaashi managed, the name strangled in his throat. He hadn’t even spoken the name in years. 

“Holy shit, it really is you ‘Kaashi!” Bokuto loud voice boomed in the small cafe, earning a few annoyed glances from the patrons and the little old lady who owned the shop. Akaashi looked over at her apologetically, and though she pursed her lips, she nodded quietly and went back to her work.

“Yeah, Bokuto, it is,” Akaashi replied as Bokuto closed the gap between them, allowing Akaashi to take in Bokuto’s full countenance. He’d gotten broader in the time that he’d been away, his shoulders, chest and arms all more filled out. This was all particularly noticeable as he was wearing an old Fukorodani t-shirt, which pulled more tightly over his torso than it had the last time Akaashi had seen him. Bokuto propped his elbows on the table casually as he sat, drawing Akaashi’s eyes to Bokuto’s muscled forearms. Akaashi felt himself flush a little, and withdrew his gaze with a subtle cough.

Bokuto’s smile was nearly blinding, and it made Akaashi’s heart do these tiny flips that almost made him nauseous. “What are you doing here, ‘Kaashi? Like what the hell are the chances?”

Akaashi managed to laugh a little. “What am I doing here? I live down the street. The better question is what are you doing here?”

“I’m back in town for a few weeks!” He replied. “The season just ended so I’m taking some down time before practices start back next month.”

A few weeks. Akaashi could kick himself for thinking that this was more long term.

“That’s great, Bokuto,” Akaashi said. “It’s crazy that we ran into each other like this. I...I never really expected to see you again.” He trailed off.

Bokuto’s smile faltered a bit. He rubbed the nape of his neck awkwardly, not knowing exactly what to say.

After a few beats, Bokuto finally said, “I always hoped that we would, ‘Kaashi.” 

Though Akaashi did his best to remain composed, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Six years had passed and yet, Akaashi’s body reacted exactly the same as it had the last time he’d seen Bokuto. He felt his palms sweaty, and his body was flushed with anticipation. He concentrated on slowing his breathing.

“Me too, Bo,” He finally used Bokuto’s old nickname, which warmed Bokuto to his very core. A few moments passed before either of them spoke again, Akaashi unable to meet Bokuto’s intense gaze. Bokuto never took his eyes off of Akaashi, though. He’d been away from Akaashi for too long already. He didn’t want to waste a second longer by being shy.

“Whoa,” Bokuto said after a second, and Akaashi looked up to find Bokuto looking down at the sketch that Akaashi was working on. “Is that what you’ve been working on?” 

Akaashi flushed. No one usually saw his work in the early stages like this. “Uh, yeah...I just like to come here and sketch people that walk by. Good practice.”

“Is that how you came up with Toshiro?” Bokuto asked.

Akaashi was shocked to hear the name of his original character come out of Bokuto’s mouth. “What did you just say?” 

Bokuto tilted his head, confused. “Uh, I asked if that’s how you came up with Toshiro? Why? Is that a weird question?”

“You read my manga?” Akaashi asked incredulously. 

“Well, yeah,” Bokuto replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Kuroo sent me a copy when it first got published a few years ago, and I’ve been keeping up with it since.” 

Akaashi didn’t know what to say. His manga was popular, sure, but only really here in Japan. There had been pretty much no international publications to speak of. Which meant that Bokuto would have had to special order each volume in order to be able to read it.

“I really like what you did with Toshiro in the last chapter,” Bokuto continued. “I feel like I know him, you know? He’s so relatable.” 

Akaashi still didn’t respond, which Bokuto took notice of this time, and caused his concern to grow. “Please don’t be upset, Akaashi...I-I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable…” He backpedaled a bit.

Akaashi shook his head. “No, no, I’m not upset at all. I’m just shocked. That you cared enough to keep up with something like that. I know how busy you must be.” 

Bokuto leaned forward, ever-so-slightly moving his chair closer to Akaashi’s. “Of course I care,” he said quietly. “Despite how we left things,” Bokuto paused and Akaashi winced a little as he brought up the painful memory. “I’ve been really proud of your accomplishments. I’m glad you made the choice to stay. I know now it was selfish of me to ask.”

Akaashi met Bokuto’s eyes. His expression was unreadable to probably anyone but Akaashi. There was authenticity, remorse, shame, and maybe just the slightest bit of hope all swirling around in the light brown, almost gold irises. 

“Thank you for saying that, Bokuto,” Akaashi replied. “I haven’t forgiven myself for the things that I said that night. They were all completely uncalled for.” His voice was little more than a murmur.

Bokuto reached out his hand hesitantly, placing it with care on top of Akaashi’s. Akaashi let the pencil slip from his fingers with the contact. His breath hitched as a familiar energy pulsed through the point of contact. 

A long moment passed before Bokuto spoke again. “You feel it too, don’t you?” 

Akaashi’s heart was pounding so loudly that he could barely hear his own thoughts. He opened his mouth several times in an attempt to reply, but the words would not come out.

“Please tell me you do, Akaashi,” Bokuto prompted, a quiet desperation in his voice. “Because damn, I gotta tell you that I haven’t felt it with anyone other than you.”

Bokuto moved his hand slowly, deliberately, to entwine his fingers with Akaashi’s, looking to Akaashi for any objections as he did. There were none.

“Bokuto…” Akaashi took in a shuddering breath. “I-I do feel it.” 

Every word was true. Akaashi had resigned himself to the reclusive lifestyle of an artist. Contented with being alone, Akaashi never even entertained the idea of living a life with someone else. Anytime he envisioned himself with someone, it was always one person. It was always Bokuto.

Bokuto’s eyes warmed at Akaashi’s words. He stood suddenly, pulling Akaashi’s hand with him. “C’mon,” He said, tugging playfully. 

Akaashi stood, grabbing his sketch pad quickly and stashing it under his arm as Bokuto walked across the shop. Smiling sheepishly, Akaashi waved a goodbye to the coffee shop owner, who returned the smile politely.

Akaashi trailed behind Bokuto, trying to get a solid grip on his sketchpad and pencils without letting go of Bokuto’s hand. Bokuto looked ahead with determination, occasionally looking back at Akaashi with a grin.

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi said, falling back into the old honorific without thought. “Where are we going?” 

“You’ll see!” Bokuto replied, laughing. The pair wound around familiar streets, landmarks from their past dotting the way. Though Bokuto did not say anything about it, Akaashi was all too intimate with each location, having spent many afternoons moping around after Bokuto had originally left. Akaashi tried not to think too much about it, as he followed Bokuto. 

It was almost too much to process. All this time, Bokuto and Akaashi had been feeling the same mutual energy, the same mysterious vibration. Bokuto had come to the realization that he was attracted to men many years before Akaashi. In fact, Akaashi had convinced himself that he was not attracted to anyone, nor would he ever be. The fact remained that Bokuto was the sole person for whom he’d felt any attraction whatsoever. Bokuto had tried to rid Akaashi from his mind while he was abroad--had tried to date or have fun with other men, but his thoughts always drifted back to Akaashi’s brilliant blue eyes and soft, dark hair. 

After another few moments of protest, Bokuto and Akaashi finally made their stop. Akaashi looked around, confused for a moment, before recognition dawned on him. The old convenience store they used to frequent after practice. 

“Hey, hey, hey!” Bokuto pumped his fist in the air. “I’m amazing. I totally remembered where this place was! Remember, ‘Kaashi?” He looked over at Akaashi with wide, excited eyes.

“When we’d get the rice balls?” Bokuto insisted after Akaashi took too long to respond.

“Y-yeah, I remember, Bokuto,” Akaashi stammered. 

“Well c’mon! Let’s go get some now,” Bokuto replied, tugging on Akaashi’s hand and getting some resistance.

“Bokuto,” Akaashi started, a feeling of sadness suddenly washing over him. He had been avoiding this place so long that Akaashi had forgotten it even existed, to be perfectly honest. 

Bokuto’s smile faded a bit. He turned to face Akaashi fully, gently taking the sketchpad and pencil from Akaashi’s hand and placing it on the bench beside them. He took Akaashi’s now free hand into his own. “Akaashi,” He said. 

Akaashi didn’t reply, waiting for Bokuto to continue. His heart pounded in his chest. 

“I fucked up really bad back then,” Bokuto said, casting eyes down with shame. “I know that.”

Bokuto took a tiny step closer to Akaashi, his eyes still focused on their feet. “I can’t believe I said all those stupid things. You were my best friend and I completely destroyed that because I was immature and confused and scared. And I was too fucking proud to apologize, which makes me even more of a jackass.” 

Bokuto’s voice was trembling as he spoke, and Akaashi took in a shaky breath. “I didn’t know then, but I know now. You are the most important person who has ever been in my life, Akaashi.”

Akaashi didn’t realize that he had stepped even closer to Bokuto, the space between them now only marginal. Akaashi could feel Bokuto’s uneven breathing across his cheek as Bokuto continued to look down. “And even though we were just kids, I should have known better than to push you away. I don’t want to do that anymore, ‘Kaashi.” 

Bokuto finally managed to meet Akaashi’s eyes, and he was almost immediately disarmed by their affection. “I think I’m in love with you,” He concluded. “I think I’ve been in love with you for a very, very long time.” 

Akaashi felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes. Bokuto was horrified, thinking he’d overstepped the line once again. He stepped away, extracting his hands from Akaashi’s and running them through his hair. “Oh my God, Akaashi, I’m so fucking sorry. I keep fucking this up over and over again…”

Akaashi started to try and speak, but knew that once Bokuto was on one of his rants, it was best to just let him be until he was done. Bokuto groaned, apologizing and rambling as he paced back and forth on the sidewalk. 

After a few moments, Akaashi began to laugh, softly at first, but then to a loud cackle. He felt his body consumed by it, doubling over with how joyous he felt. Bokuto looked over with furrowed brows and even messier hair than usual. 

“What the hell are you laughing at Akaashi?? I’ve been here baring my SOUL and you just start laughing at me?” Bokuto’s voice rose in volume with each word. 

Akaashi laughed again and motioned for Bokuto quiet down, as the pair had started attracting the attention of curious passersby as well as the convenience store owner, who was peering at them through the glass window. “Bokuto-san, calm down,” He laughed.

“I AM CALM!” Bokuto yelled oxymoronically. They both paused for a moment before busting out in laughter together. The nostalgia and joy was so heady that they could almost taste it as well as the rice balls they’d come to consume so often. Soon, both men had collapsed onto the curb, leaning against each other for support. 

“I am calm,” Akaashi mockingly imitated Bokuto between laughs, which made Bokuto pout but then laugh more. 

The sun had started to set by the time they both composed themselves again. 

“Bokuto,” Akaashi was the one to speak first this time, placing a hand on Bokuto’s cheek. Bokuto sighed happily and leaned into Akaashi’s palm, turning his face to place a gentle kiss in the center. Akaashi blushed and cleared his throat. “I think I’m in love with you too.” He smiled, relieved to hear the words out loud.

The grin on Bokuto’s face was blinding. He placed a hand behind Akaashi’s neck and pulled him in so that their foreheads were touching. Akaashi’s hand moved from Bokuto’s cheek to the back of his head, running his fingers gently through his hair. 

“C’mere,” Bokuto mumbled before pulling Akaashi in for a kiss. Akaashi smiled into this kiss, feeling Bokuto do the same, as if they were both silently saying holy shit, this is really happening. 

Akaashi and Bokuto felt the energy that had always thrummed between them explode into something much more intense. They were drawn to each other again and again, each moment in their lives, each decision ultimately bringing them both to this place, this second. Neither wanted to part, but Akaashi was the first to pull away with panting breath. They needed to take this slow, he knew, and Bokuto was always the first to rush into anything. Akaashi would have to push the brakes for now. 

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi said, pulling back far enough to look into Bokuto’s eyes. “We have time. I’m not going anywhere.”

Bokuto placed a hand on Akaashi’s cheek, rubbing his thumb gently over Akaashi’s bottom lip. “You’re right,” He agreed, smiling again. “For now,” He began to stand up, holding out his hand for Akaashi to take. “Let’s start with some rice balls.”

[britishboystm]

It’s Always Been You (Tom Blake Smut)

warnings: angst, smut, death

word count: 4,723

a/n: I can’t believe this is the first time I’ve written for Tom

•••

Tom had always been a good friend. His family did cherries and yours did apples.

Before the two of you were born, your fathers went into business together and shared a booth at the Saturday market in your town. Both your mothers were thick as thieves and had gotten pregnant around the same time, and you were born a month after Tom. It was safe to say you were never going to leave each other’s sides.

You did everything together, well until your father became worried that you were becoming too much like a boy by spending so much time with Tom. You’d fondly remember the times the two of you would go down to the river and stand in the water up to your knees trying to see who could catch the most tadpoles. The two of you would usually come back to yours or his farm around dinner time covered in mud and dirt up your waist. Your mother always complained that she couldn’t see your pretty face due to the muck that was often smeared on it. Because of all this you ended up being sent to a private girls school a few miles south, where you weren’t allowed to see Tom unless it was Christmas.

You secretly wrote to one another though during your time at boarding school and when his father passed away from pneumonia you were his only real support system other than his brother. His mother went into a bad depression after his father's death so he was left to grieve his father's passing alone.

Once your learning was finished, you did not hesitate to come home and help on Tom’s farm again. Tom’s mother would pay you to pick cherries since your father had sold his orchard.

But things had changed when you came home. Tom was no longer the little chubby boy who you could mess around with and make mud pies and pretend to eat with. His hair had darkened and his shoulders had broadened. Not to mention he now towered you. He was a man. And a handsome man at that. You never noticed that about him before.

The glances you shared now didn’t hold the same innocence it once did. There was something different in his chilly blue irises. His gaze would last a little too long when you would bend over to pick up the barrels of cherries and whenever the two of you rinsed them by the big well, he always found a way to sneak a small graze of your hand so you wouldn’t forget he was there beside you.

But those flirtatious moments didn’t last forever when war was declared in Britain. Almost immediately, Joe was sent off to fight for king and country. Tom didn’t need to but because Tom had to always be the same as Joe or one up him, he had kept saying he was going to enlist as well. You didn’t take it seriously until one day Tom came running down the driveway to meet you and his mom, who were depitting the last batch of the season.

“I did it, I did it!” You frowned in confusion at his obvious excitement as he hopped around with a letter in hand. His mother grabbed the letter from him quite quickly and nearly fainted after reading the first two lines. The two of you quickly grabbed her and called it a night, bringing her into the house.

His mother was in shambles and was now seated on the couch while she sobbed into her hands. She didn’t even have the desire to cook dinner. That’s when you knew things were bad.

“What did you do?” You say to Tom as he sorrowfully watched his mom cry.

“I enlisted, I’m leaving next week to fight in France.” It was now your turn to almost faint as you grab the kitchen table beside you.

“Have you gone mad?” You breathe out as you take a seat to steady yourself.

“No I haven’t. If Joe can do it so can I!” His voice raised in anger as he crossed his arms over his chest, obviously upset at the double standards that were set for him and his older brother.

“That is not what this is about Tom. Joe is gone, there is nothing we can do about that. But you? It was so easily avoidable but you’ve gone and ruined everything. How selfish can you be? Who will your mother have if both you and Joe don’t return home? Who will I have?” You begin to choke up near the end and let a single tear slip down your cheek.

Tom sighs and storms out of the kitchen, probably heading upstairs to freshen up while you prepare the dinner since Mrs. Blake clearly wasn’t well enough to.

You focused on making dinner as Mrs. Blake and Tom sat in the living room, not speaking to one another. What was there to say? Tom knew yours and his mother’s thoughts on it all and he was too stubborn to be convinced to not leave.

Once dinner was ready everyone sat at the table and ate quietly. Again no words were spoken and the tension was so thick amongst the three of you. None of you were able to finish due to the unsettling feeling you all shared so you finally gave up and collected the half eaten dishes and placed them into the sink.

“I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” Mrs Blake said as she slowly got up and weakly walked up the stairs to her room. She looked so frail and worn out that it made you even more mad at Tom for the pain he was already causing.

You stood at the sink and faced away from Tom as he stayed put at the table. The only sounds that filled the room was the clashing of dirty plates and running water.

This was all such a mess.

———-

Later that night you found yourself sitting on the haystack in the Blake barn with the doors wide open as you stared out at the navy night sky. Stars adorned the sky. They continued to shimmer, unaware of the fact that your world was falling apart at the seams. Funny how time and space works, you thought. So many other thoughts rattled around your brain, all of them making you want to cry.

You were so deeply focused on your little world that you didn’t initially hear Tom walk in.

“Couldn’t sleep either huh?” He said before walking up and taking a seat beside you on the hay.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” You don’t respond but rather stare out into nothing with an emotionless expression.

“The least you can do is talk to me.” He says, nudging you lightly to lighten the mood.

“I wanted to marry you.” You blurt out of nowhere in a montone way. There was a good chance he was never coming home so at this point you felt as though you had nothing to lose.

He bowed his head in shame and twiddled his thumbs, clearly trying to absorb this big bombshell.

“Really?” He says finally looking at you and trying to hide his excitement.

“Yeah but at this point it’s foolish to think like that, considering I may never see you again.” You finally look at him with hurt in your eyes which he matches almost immediately.

“Y/N I-“ He tries to say something but you are quick to cut him off.

“Why is this so important to you?” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair before getting more comfortable in his spot.

“I don’t know. I feel as though I have lived my entire life being the lesser of the two brothers. Joe has always been the golden child that I wanted to prove myself. That I can be courageous and brave just like him.” You bite your lip from saying anything that may hurt him. It made sense why he would do this but you still hated the idea.

“Aren’t you afraid?”

“Of course I am. I’m scared shitless. But I’ve been scared shitless my entire life.” You sigh and the two of you sit in silence for a while, nothing but the sound of crickets and the warm night breeze floating by.

“Promise you won’t laugh?” He says out of the blue, rubbing his neck in embarrassment. You nod in return, silently telling him there is no reason to feel judged by you.

“There is one more thing I’m scared of.”

“And what’s that?”

“I shouldn’t say. It’s so bloody embarrassing.”

“What? No! You have to tell me now! That isn’t fair!”

“Okay fine.” He sighs.

“Spit it out then.” You say with an urgency to your voice.

“I’m scared of dying a virgin.” Your eyes go wide and you look over to him to see if he is joking or not. When you see him looking down at his lap shamefully, a blush creeps upon your face. You had never really discussed those things before. Especially with him.

Girls talked about it when you were in private school but you didn’t usually have anything to contribute.

“Oh.” Is all that you are able to get out.

“I’m sorry, I should have just kept that to myself. Forget I said anything.” He begins to ramble, clearly trying to backtrack on his last comment.

“There is no reason to feel ashamed of those type of things Thomas. Those are normal worries people have.”

“You think so?” He says hopefully.

“Of course. I also get scared by the idea of never being able to feel that way with someone. It’s natural.” It was now his turn to blush. Oh to be the one to make you feel that way, he thought.

“Tom?” You finally say, bracing yourself for his response.

“Yes?” He says back.

“You know. If we both share this fear, we could always… get rid of it together.” He is speechless and his jaw drops as he stares at your nervous expression.

“Do you really want to?” He finally gets out.

“Well, we know each other and we are good friends. I also feel very comfortable with you which is important.”

“Right but we aren’t married.”

“At this point Tom I don’t really care about that. I need to vent all of these emotions somehow.”

“Oh.”

“What?”

“So that’s what this is about. You want to fuck out your feelings because I’m leaving?” He seemed a little hurt by this. Like this was simply an impulse or an itch that was aching to be scratched. That was part of it but it was mostly the fact that you’ve wanted him to be your first the minute you returned home and saw just how much of man he had become. You loved him and he was now giving you a free pass to finally fulfill your desires.

“No, Tom that is not it. I want to lose my virginity and to be quite honest, I couldn’t think of anyone else I would want to lose it to.”

“Really?” A cocky smirk came upon his lips as he leaned in and nudged you slightly. You rolled your eyes in response and scoffed.

“Okay you don’t need to get all cocky about it.” He laughed before trying to start something by catching your gaze in his.

And with no warning Tom pounced on you and began kissing your neck roughly which caught you off guard.

“Tom get off! What are you doing?” You squeal as you push him away.

“What? I thought you said you wanted to lose your virginity to me. I leave next week remember?” Your glare is piercing as you stood up.

“I didn’t mean here at this very moment! God can you at least give me a warning before you try and pull something like that?” He falls back a bit onto the hay bale with an exasperated sigh, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

“Sorry.” He says realizing his wrong doing. You weren’t just an inanimate object that could just be used whenever. Contrary to what your father always believed, you were a person of integrity and if you needed time, then by god you were doing to get the respect you deserved.

“I think I will go to bed now.” Your words are soft as you turn around and hesitantly head out into the vast land of the Blake farm. You couldn’t help but look back to see Tom sitting there, embarrassed. Millions of thoughts swam around but one kept finding itself coming back again and again. That specific feeling that came whenever Tom did chores around the barn that made his muscles flex was coming back and even though you had just rejected him, the feeling was growing more and more.

“Fuck it.” You say under your breath before you quickly turn around and plop down onto his waist in a straddle, causing him to let out a groan at the sudden impact.

He looks at you in confusion, and right before he could say another word you quickly attach your lips to his. The kiss was aggressive and feverish as your hands threaded through his hair, gripping it tightly to get him to part his lips. As a result he let out a small gasp at your fingers tugging at his roots and your tongue swirling around his mouth. This was your first ever kiss and soon to be first ever time so you weren’t going to hold back. Not if it was with Tom.

Everything felt so right in that moment. Just two nineteen year olds using the last bit of time together before probable tragedy. You had a gut feeling that Tom was never going to walk up that long gravel driveway ever again. You shooed those horrid thoughts away.

“Tom.” You sigh against his plush lips. He pulls away and intently looks into your eyes, worry evident on his face.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked. You couldn’t help but giggle at his puppy like demeanour.

“Of course not. You are being so kind Tom.”

Your gaze then suddenly becomes transfixed with his white button shirt. Then without a second thought your hands grazed up and down his covered chest before you began to unbutton the first three, exposing his sternum. You look up to see him intensely watching your actions, his breathing beginning to increase.

“Are you sure Y/N?” He says while his hands run up and down the sides of your basic grey dress.

“Only if you are.” You whisper back. Taking this as affirmation he flips you around and lays you gently on the cushiony yet scratchy hay that held the both of you off of the dirty ground of the barn.

“You know I have always, thought, you were, so beautiful.” He says in between kisses along your face. You smile softly at his words and sigh, allowing yourself to fall deeper into the hay.

“Thomas Blake you always knew how to make a girl blush.” He chuckles at this and stops kissing you, holding himself up above your body.

“You remember the time your parents invited the Darby’s to Christmas Dinner. How it was your first year back from St. Clares and because they were the richest family in town, your parents tried to set you up with their son Richard?” You roll your eyes.

“Tom what does this have to do with us having sex right now?” You were growing slightly impatient.

“Wait, let me finish love.” You sigh and shift slightly to grow more comfortable. This may take some time, you thought.

“I remember I was so mad because your parents wouldn’t let me play with you. They basically threw you to Richard and I had to watch them try to play matchmaker. At the time I believed that I was angry because I wasn’t allowed to play with my best friend since you had been away for so long. But years later I looked back at that moment and I realized that I was jealous. Jealous at the fact that you were paying all of your attention to Richard and not me. Of course your parents made you but I remember making Richard my sworn enemy that day. Stupid huh?” You smile and run a hand down his cheek.

“No not at all. I can’t believe you remember that.” His words made you think for a moment. He had been in love with you for so long and you didn’t even notice.

“Tom?” You ask.

“Yes Y/N?” Your body almost turned to jelly at his readiness to do anything for you. The adoration was so obvious that “in love” could easily be stamped on the slightly older boy's forehead.

“Would it be crazy to say I am, whole heartedly, absolutely, in love with you Thomas Blake?”

“No it wouldn’t.” He laughed.

“And would I be absolutely mad to say that I am, insanely, crazily, in love with you Y/N L/N?” You shake your head with a smile and with that he leans in once more and continues the eventful night with a loving yet lustful kiss.

His hands begin to have a mind of their own as they roam your body. After exploring most of your many curves, his left hand slowly made its way under your dress, lifting it slightly and beginning to touch you over your knickers.

“Oh my.” You gasp out as he places a tad bit of pressure on your clit.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, watching your reactions intently.

“Very tingling, ve-very g-good.” You try to get out in between gasps. He smirks proudly at this and begins creating circles against the fabric that covers your centre.

“Off. Off Tom, please.” You slightly beg. Wanting to make you feel good, Tom begins to slide your knickers down your legs and chucks them off to the side.

“Can I see?” He asks sheepishly. You curve your neck so you can see him down between your legs.

“Yes.” You respond. With a steady hand, Tom lifts your dress, dropping it up around your waist and groans at the sight of your exposed, glistening cunt.

“Wow.” Is all he can say.

“Tom!” You whine, unable to bear the throbbing feeling between your thighs.

“Sorry, just got distracted.” He mutters. Tom then leans in and lets out a hot breath. Your legs clench at this and Tom becomes aware with just how sensitive you really are.

“I’m going to kiss you here. Is that alright darling?” You nod weakly and with that his lips attach to your centre. A moan is drawn out of you almost instantly.

“Fuck. This cannot be your first time.” You blurt out, clutching his hair. He smirks against you before he sits up again and places a long kiss on your awaiting lips.

“Just you darling. It’s always been you.” You giggle in response and wrap your arms around his neck and pull him flush against you.

“Y/N I don’t know how much longer I can last without putting my cock in you.” He spurts out in pent up frustration.

“Charming words there.” you scoff before he begins to unbutton his dirty work slack and push them down his legs.

“Can I unlace you’re-“ you sit up, already knowing what he is about to say. Your hands swing to the back of your dress and you quickly begin to unravel the back, letting it fall off your upper body. Your breasts were perked to the air from outside.

“Christ.” He says before leaning down and taking one breast into his mouth. He is slow and gentle with his actions, clearly showing you how important this moment was for him. With small mewls leaving your lips every once in a while, you ran your fingers through his hair again. This time you made sure to be more soft on his scalp.

“I’m ready, are you?” He whispers as he moves his mouth up to your jaw, hands still caressing your bosom. You nod slowly which makes him smile. It was finally going to happen.

He brings himself up again and places his hands on either side of your head.

You take a moment to take in his member. The only time you had seen one was when you snuck an anatomy book from the library when you were in school. Seeing one in real life was a whole new experience

He notices your stare and smirks.

“Everything alright?” He asks.

“I don’t know. It’s so different from the books. This is all so new to me.”

“It’s alright darling. We will learn together.” You nod in response and before you knew it, he was beginning to insert himself into you.

The feeling was so forgein and awkward that you had to smack him to stop.

“Ow fuck, Tom stop!” He quickly removes himself and holds you into his chest.

“Are you alright? Did I hurt you?” You grab him tighter in thanks and lean away a tad to look at his concerned face.

“It feels so tight. Could you maybe use your fingers first?” He nods and slips a hand down your dress again. One finger is dipped inside and you let out a sigh of relief. This was a lot easier to manage, you thought.

“Oh Thomas that feels so good.” You say. He smiles and takes your praise to allow himself to enter a second finger. Your legs clench a tad as he moves his fingers in and out, every once in a while, spreading your increased wetness along your slit.

“I think I’m ready now.” You say. It didn’t take much for him to remove his fingers and lick off your wetness. Then he positioned himself the same way he did not that long before. His member slipped into you and this time around it felt a lot less uncomfortable. It still caused a pressure but not enough for you to scream bloody murder.

“Should I move?” He asks. You were doing it. This was no longer a dream or a fantasy. Thomas Blake was staring down at you with his cock inside at the hilt.

“God yes.” You moan while throwing your head back and closing your eyes. Tom began retracting his hip and then swirled them around before pushing forward again.

“Fuck me.” He cries out.

“I’m so happy we did this.” He says. You grip his shirt and open up the rest of the buttons, allowing the rest of his torso to be revealed to you. Your hands ran up and down his chest and soft stomach.

“Slow down.” You whisper gently. He nods and his movements start to calm. His eyes are entranced by yours and you can’t help but notice tears in his eyes.

“Are you crying?” You ask.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” He whimpers back, as he continues to move back and forth within you. Tears began brimming your eyes and as you both let tears fall through your orgasms, you pulled him flush against you.

“Come home to me.” You kept repeating.

“I promise.” He would say back with as much of a clear voice he could muster up.

And with that your legs begin to shake and you let out an elongated moan. His seed spills deep inside of you and as he removes himself from your core you can't help but feel it drip down your inner thigh.

“I love you Thomas Blake.”

“I love you Y/N L/N.”

———

You stared blankly out the kitchen window as you dried off the plates from lunch. The sky was a gloomy grey but no rain fell. Mrs Blake sat silently in the living room, knitting a small bonet with yellow yarn.

Your mind was somewhere else that you hadn’t initially noticed a car pull up and a soldier stepping out, letter in hand.

The plate you had been drying crashes in the soapy water beneath you and you quickly dry your hands on your apron as you attempt to run out the front door.

“Mrs Blake?” The man asks as you open the door rather frantically.

“No but she’s in. Iris!” You call out. She walks slowly from her chair and situates herself beside you.

“I’m Mrs Blake.” Her words were shaky. It was almost as though she knew exactly what was about to come out of the man's mouth.

“We regret to inform you that Thomas Blake was killed in action on April 6th. His belongings will be sent to you in the next couple of weeks. We are sorry for your loss and the rest of the information given will be found in this letter.” And with that the man looked down at your stomach and sighed with sorrow before handing over the letter and walking back to the car.

Your legs went numb instantly. The only sounds you could make were loud gut wrenching sobs. You clenched your stomach as you held onto the door frame for support.

“He’s gone Iris! My beautiful Tom is gone!” She grabbed you and mixed your sobs with hers. Myrtle and the puppies were now at your feet, grazing your calves in a calming matter, almost as though they had known what had happened.

“My boy!” She lets out.

“My baby boy!”

————

Dear Y/N,

I can safely say that this is one of the hardest letters I have ever had to write. I am sure you have gotten the news before this gets to you so I want to say that I am so sorry for your loss. Tom was nothing but a good, selfless man who cared for others so deeply. Before he died, his only wish was that I wrote to you and his mother. He talked about you every chance he could. The stories from when the two of you were little, how you were the most beautiful being that he had ever seen. How him replaying your laugh in his head was the only way to get him to sleep at night when things were tough here in the trenches. He didn’t die in vain. He died knowing that he fulfilled his duty of loving you each waking moment, even if it saddened him he couldn’t do it alive for much longer.

I remember his last words to me so very clearly.

“Tell my beautiful Y/N I love her. That I will always be with her.”

He handed me this picture of the two of you together. There is some blood on it but he would have wanted you to have it nevertheless. I hope this gives you peace during these trying times and god bless Y/N.

Sincerely,

William Schofield

“Mommy, mommy look!” A small voice calls out. You drop the letter and picture of you and Tom staring longingly at each other that you had read and looked at so many times before to see your son holding a small pool of water in his hands.

“What do you have there?” You call out. He then runs up from the river and drops down beside you under the willow tree you were situated at.

“I caught a tadpole!” He says proudly.

“That’s amazing Thomas!” He smiles at your encouraging words before running back down to the water. You watched him intently as he giggled in entertainment. Sometimes you had to let out steady breaths to stop yourself from crying. He was truly the spitting image of his father, a mini Tom if you will. The icy blue eyes and the chocolate wavy hair gave him away so easily. It pained you so much to wake up and see your Tom in him every day, but it was also a blessing in disguise. Even though Tom was no longer around, he had left you a gift that you could never thank him enough for. Tom Jr was so sweet and kind and loved making friends with everyone he came across, just like his father. He was your support system and you both adored each other. He was your best friend.

And for that, you were internally grateful to Mr. Thomas Blake.

[tomiokai]

Between The Pages || Spencer Reid

Masterlist

{not my gif, originally posted by @toyboxboy​}

A/N: Honestly there are so many cafe AU’s and it’s crazy how I’ve read so many of them. But per usual I wanted to write my own version with my own twisty twist. This fic has literally taken me so long to write! I just sometimes couldn’t find the motivation to write it and then I’ll just abandon it for a period of time and I HATE writing two fics at a time because I personally can’t do it because, I’m a control freak and everything needs to be in order so if you’re a writer and you can write two fics at a time, please teach me, you’re so gifted. IMPORTANT! Spencer had to go to prison and got out around February and May but this fic is set around the Christmas season so just roll with it. Fake dates. They aren’t real!! If you are not happy with this AU, the door is that way. ——> Also I write in Canadian English so some of the words might look weird. 

Summary: Y/n works at a very unique cafe, it’s a cafe plus a library, where there are shelves of the most classic books to the new poorly written rom-coms. A perfect, warm, and cozy place, to read, study, or even to hang out. Spencer Reid was one of the usual there and he may or may not have swept Y/n off her feet over the years. A poorly written rom-com following the lives of Y/n and Spencer Reid. Anti prison to post-prison Spencer.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Category: Fluff

Warning: Fluff. Angst if you squint. 

Word Count: 7.3k

_

November 30th:

‘Between The Pages’ was quite the most unusual name for a cafe, I had thought when I first started working here. The cafe was a cozy little building sandwiched between two bigger buildings, bringing all the attention it deserved away from it, but that’s how I had liked it. Only the usual elite that know about this place and a few drop by’s once in a while ever enters the small building, everyone who comes into the shop falls in love with it immediately, giving them a sense of home. The insides of the shop gave you old fashion tiny cute library vibes. The walls were covered in bookshelves full of books ranging from the classics to the very new ones that I would bring in every time I made my way to the book shop eight streets down. Through the door to your left was the display case for all the delicious baked goods and the counter where you place your order and pay. Where the door was, there were two windows and on one side there was a small comfy couch with a small wooden coffee table in front of it and the other had two couches facing each other with a coffee table in the center (the couples hot spot). Smack in the center of the room was a big round table where the college girls like to camp out for their study sessions, and around the room were numerous armchairs and giant fuzzy bean bags. The area was filled with warm colours, dark greens, dark reds, beiges, and browns. Small plants and succulents hung out around the windowsills and tables giving the area a nice nature vibe. 

Memorizing each and everyone’s orders was my very special skill. The usuals were a group college girls (a new set every four years) that come for their study sessions every Friday and Saturday, a group of teen boys that storm the bakery section of the cafe once a week during their lunch break, a nice middle-aged lawyer that stops by every morning for coffee, which might I add had given me his business card, says if we ever needed help we should call him, two young couples that regularly have double dates, a few other individuals, and a very nice looking man around my age. He was my favourite customer, he came to the shop almost everyday ordering a single large cup of coffee with milk and loads of sugar, but when it became fall his coffee would be switched to a pumpkin spice latte. 

Between The Pages have become my home the second I graduated college. The little old lady who owned this shop had taken me in as a daughter of her own, and I had my own room above the shop. I was a writer at heart, I loved writing stories that I would usually share with the bunch of college girls and my colleague Chloe who might also be my best friend. The life I’m living in was humble yet the best, I couldn’t think of another way to live. This shop gave me time to pursue my love of writing and interact with some of the best people I have ever met. I earn enough money that I am comfortable with, and live a life nicely, considering if I wasn’t here I would be nowhere. Let’s just say all my living known relatives are all gone after an explosive fire at a family reunion I had not attended in my Junior year of College.  Call it lucky but unlucky. 

Today was a quiet day, Thursday. The group of teen boys had already passed by causing Chloe and me to rebake today’s special treats again. Chloe was a wedding photographer (she’s here usually 60% of the time) but she also loved hanging out with me so much so that she got a job here with me after the year we graduated from college. We were literally joint to the hip together, ever since grade three when I first threw up on her because she showed me a disturbing picture of a giant spider with wings. We were in each other’s same classes, had millions of sleepovers, and we even went to the same college together. She lived in the room right beside mine, so yeah we are literally joint to the hip. I baked the sweets and made the drinks while Chloe usually took care of the sandwiches, wraps, and organizing everyday menu items. 

“I noticed that your boyfriend didn’t come today,” Chloe said as she grabbed out a freshly baked tray of cookies. 

“For the last time Chloe, Spencer isn’t my boyfriend,” I said rolling my eyes as I snatched a cookie off of her tray. 

“Ugh yeah, you guys literally look in love every time you see each other.” Chloe shot back. 

“Not true” I snapped.

“Not to mention your crippling crush on the guy.” Chloe sang with a smug lip on her lips. 

My eyes flew open and scanned the empty cafe. “You’re lucky no one’s here,” I said flipping her off. 

“Just watch Y/n. I better be your wedding photographer.” Chloe laughed stacking the freshly baked cookies in a perfect tower in the display case. 

“Not happening as much as I want it to happen.” I laughed back biting into the cookie in my hand.

 For the past few years, Spencer was the only person I had a crush on, he was always here and it just felt as if we had known each other for years, which isn’t a lie considering I have worked in this cafe since senior year of college and he started coming not long after. We got along very well and we always talked in the morning when he waited for his coffee. We knew so much about each other yet so little. 

“Is it okay if you run this place a few more hours on your own? I have some unfinished wedding photos to edit, one being editing the mother in laws white dress to another colour,” Chloe said as she removed her apron.

“How does one not know to never wear white to a wedding that’s not theirs, but yeah sure,” I responded pulling out a stool from under the counter. 

I watched as Chloe made her way to the back room where the staircase was and turned back around pulling out my laptop to the horror story I was currently writing. 

As I typed chapter twelve of my story the little bell on our shop door rang and my head turned to the grandfather clock in the corner and saw it was two hours before closing and then to the door. 

There stood Spencer, unusual to say the least he usually comes in the mornings. He was in dress pants with a dress shirt and a purple tie, unusual again, but as always his hair was tousled around wore a huge smile on his pink lips, travel bag hanging from his shoulders, and book in hand. 

“Hey!” I called brightly hopping off the stool I sat on. 

“Hey Y/n,” Spencer said back as he made his way to his favourite seat at the back of the room. 

“The usual?” I asked. 

“You know it,” Spencer answered sitting down and opening his big book. 

I smiled as I got out Spencer’s favourite mug, a simple black mug with a single purple stripe running through the middle of the cup. It always amazed me how fast he was able to read, spending basically seven seconds on each page. 

I poured Spencer’s coffee into the mug and added milk and loads of sugar into it. I picked the mug up and grabbed a slice of strawberry cheesecake and a fork and slowly made my way to where Spencer was seated. 

“Here I said, setting the mug and cheesecake onto the small coffee table in front of him. I then made my way to sit in the armchair right across from him. 

Spencer looked at the cheesecake and then at me quizzically. 

“It’s on me,” I said, realizing.  

“Oh no I can’t do that,” Spencer said, pulling out a few extra bills and holding them across the table for me. 

“No, really it’s on me.” I laughed pushing his hand back to him. 

Spencer closed his book and set it on the table and picked up the slice of cheesecake the fork and took a bite. “This is some good cheesecake.” He pointed out.

“Thank you,” I said with a smile. “Hey, you usually come here bright and early in the mornings. What's with the sudden change?” I asked out of curiosity. 

“Oh, I just got off from a long day of work and wanted to come here and relax,” Spencer answered, taking a sip of his coffee. 

“Wow, we’ve known each other for literally years now and I still don’t know what you do for a living, mind as I ask,” I questioned watching him. 

He set his coffee down and answered, “Oh I work for the FBI, I’m a profiler. What about you? Any other jobs other than here?” He asked out of curiosity.

“Wow, very impressive..” I laughed. Spencer joined in. “This is actually my only job, aside from another thing,” I responded. 

“Well, since I told you that I’m an FBI agent, will you tell me YOUR very secret job?” Spencer spoke.

“If I tell you, you have to keep it a secret,” I responded arching an eyebrow.

Spencer exaggerated his thinking face, looking up to the ceiling then back to me with a grin, “I will,” he said. 

“Well, I’m an author. But you won’t find my books by searching my name, I have a pen name.” I said as I stood up. I ran to a nearby shelf and took out one of the hard copy books and ran back. I hid it behind my back and spoke again. “Remember, secret,” I said sternly.

“Secret,” Spencer repeated, bringing his fingers to his lips to ‘seal’ his lips. 

I laughed as I pulled the book from behind my back and handed it to Spencer. 

Spencer scanned the book and looked back up at me with a shocked look on his face. “This is one of my favourite modern-day books,” Spencer exclaimed.

My face immediately lit up and I asked, “Really?”

Spencer nodded his head eagerly. 

I leaned back into my chair and whispered. “Wow, for a guy who reads like 100 books a month, he actually thinks mine is really good.” 

 Spencer broke out in a laugh and said, “I actually have the first edition copy of this,” placing the book onto the table. 

I sat back up straighter this time and exclaimed, “I’m actually writing a new horror book right now and my writing has improved a significant amount after I was done reading one of Shakespeare’s books.”

“Mind if I take a peak?” Spencer asked, finishing his cheesecake. 

I mocked him and looked to the ceiling with a finger on my cheek “thinking really hard’. “No.” I laughed.

“Why not, I won’t tell.” Spencer jokingly pleaded.

“Still no,” I laughed, “but once it’s finished I’ll let you have the first copy before I officially launch it.”

“I better be first to read it, I’m like your biggest fan.” He laughed. 

“False,” I answered, “my biggest fan is actually a lady named Penelope Garcia that sent me a huge gift basket, with a letter that proclaimed her love for my books.” 

“Wait did you say, Penelope Garcia?” Spencer asked looking shocked.

“Yeah. Is something wrong?” I asked.

“No, no, nothing wrong,” Spencer laughed, “She’s actually my colleague.”

“What a small world,” I responded amazed. 

“Yeah, now I have to fight her for number one fan,” Spencer said with amusement in his voice.

“Oh we’ll have to see Agent Reid,” I joked. 

“Actually it’s Doctor,” Spencer corrected. 

“Wait but you’re an agent,” I stated.

“Yes, but I’m titled doctor,” Spencer said matter of factly. 

“Alright Doctor Reid,” I laughed. 

We sat together discussing multiple things with each other and we just clicked. Lucky for him, he got me to spill a little on the new book I was writing and even gave me a few ideas from some of the cases he has dealt with. I asked him about his job and he immediately started talking joyfully, he really loved his job. He also talked about his team a lot.  

“Hey lovebirds,” I heard someone call. My head whipped around towards the counter and glared at Chloe so hard.

“We’re just talking,” I called back with annoyance dripping from my voice. I turned back around towards Spencer and saw that he was very flustered, his cheeks were all rosy and red. This made me blush seeing him blush. “I’m sorry for my friend, she’s a little crazy in the head,” I whispered the last part.

“No, no that’s fine,” Spencer laughed. He had found it amusing.  

Ring, Ring. 

Spencer pulled out his phone and held up a finger to his lips. His face was blank throughout the whole conversation, at times his demeanor would stiffen. After his phone call, he started chugging the rest of his coffee, and putting his satchel on, “I’m really sorry, duty calls,” He said.

“Hey wait, here I’ll pack some sweets for your team.” I got up quickly scurrying towards the desert display.

“Oh no you don’t have to do that,” Spencer said, a small smile on his lips. 

“No, no I insist, we’re closing in like 5 minutes anyways, we can’t let these go to waste,” I answered, grabbing out a light purple desert box and placing multiple chocolate chip cookies,  slices of pie and cake into the box. I closed it up and ran back over to Spencer and handed the box to him. His hands brushed against mine when he took the box from my hands and butterflies erupted in my stomach. 

I bit my lip and smiled, “See you, hopefully, tomorrow,” I said.  

“Maybe. Unless the case is going to be overnight, thanks for the sweet, it was really sweet of you.” Spencer responded with a wink pushing the door to the shop open.

“Bye!” I yelled back as he left through the door.

I turned away from the door with a big smile forming on my pink lips. I walked over to the table where we sat and picked up the mug, fork, and plate and carried them over to where Chloe was washing the dishes. 

“Dude you’re whipped.” Chloe laughed, drying the wet dishes. 

“I know,” I responded with a big smile still on my face. 

-

December 1st:

It was early in the morning and I was down extra early to bake pastries and cakes, the sign was switched to open and Chloe was sitting criss-cross applesauce by the special menus board drawing cute little cartoons. After I put in the last tray of danishes into the oven I started up the coffee pot for the early birds. Mornings at Between The Pages were always calm and peaceful, Chloe and I would both wake up, do our parts and not talk till 11:00 am enjoying each other's silence, then the morning guests were always calm and nice too, we would exchange some friendly words, I would give them their coffee and they’ll wave goodbye and leave. Here at the cafe, there's no such thing as a lunch rush so that's a big weight lifted off Chloe and I’s shoulders. 

As I was frosting the danishes the bell that hung on our door rang. I looked up from my frosting to see Spencer in a black suit walk in, my face immediately lit up but then dropped when a blonde female walked in right after him. The female had pretty blonde hair that was in loose curls with small butterfly clips on either side of her head and perfectly cut bangs, she wore a pretty light pink dress with black lace on it, over top of her dress she had a cute white cropped cardigan. Never would I have expected her to be his type, but no one’s judging, I personally loved her style, although I was jealous of her. Maybe they're just friends. Hopefully. 

I put on the best smile that I can manage and walked to the cash register and quietly waited for them to walk to me. Before I could register what was happening the blonde lady rushed up to me with a squeal and excitedly said, “Hi, I’m Penelope Garcia, Spencer’s coworker, you must be Y/n, Spencer was talking about. Oh and thank you so much for the sweets yesterday! The whole team loved them.” 

Spencer was talking about me?? That was what hit first, then reality. “Nice to meet you and yeah I am Y/n, and I’m glad you liked the treats!” I happily said back. I already liked her completely leaving my jealousy behind me. I turned to Spencer next and smiled even bigger, “Hey Spencer. You want usual?” 

“Hey Y/n, yeah the usual,” Spencer responded smiling back at me.

“And you Penelope?” I turned back to her. 

“Oh I’ll take a french vanilla with whipped cream and mini marshmallows please,” Penelope responded. 

“Hey! I’m Chloe!” Chloe cheerfully explained coming up from behind me and wrapping her left arm around my shoulder. “I’m Y/n’s best friend!”

“Hey, Chloe.” Spencer and Garcia said at the same time, causing everyone to laugh. 

“Chloe, could you get their drinks for me?” I asked walking to the back table to pick up a dessert box.

“Yeah sure,” She said to me then turned back to Spencer and Penelope. “Just a moment.”

I picked up the desert box and started placing two dozen danishes in it. They were  strawberry, blueberry, and chocolate cream danishes. I closed off the box and walked over to Penelope and Spencer. “On the house, for the team,” I said handing the box to Spencer with a wink. 

“Y/n! This is too nice of you, here let me pay.” Spencer rumbled reaching for a few more bills from his wallet.

“Spencer no, it's on the house,” I laughed, pushing his hands away. 

“Are you sure Y/n?” He asked.

“YES,” I exclaimed. 

“Oh you're the sweetest Y/n,” Penelope squealed joyfully, as Chloe handed them their drinks.

 “Be safe!” I called to Spencer and Penelope as they walked out the door of the cafe.

“We’ll try.” They responded together before disappearing around the corner. 

My heart pounded in my chest as I stared at the closed door, my mind never leaving the picture of Spencer smiling in my mind. How was I supposed to do anything if all I could think about is Spencer Reid? That stupid adorable smile of his whips me up every time. I snapped myself out of my trance and picked up my piping bag filled with creamy cream cheese icing and resumed icing the uniced danishes. 

The morning came and went in a blur, regular customers and newcomers here and there, the danishes were a hit and sold out fast with the coffee ordered. I was currently mixing some brownie batter when my favourite group of college girls walked in, they took their usual afternoon seats at the center round table and started pulling out their laptops, textbooks, and homework. 

“Usuals?” I asked as I already started their lattes and mochas.

“As always!” Cherry White, one of the blonde girls replied, rapidly typing on her laptop. 

After I poured their drinks into mugs for the girls I brought the mugs to their table. Their heads were all buried inside their textbooks and laptops studying feverishly. I placed all their orders by each girl and watched as they intently worked. Papers and pens were already scattered everywhere in a short time, laptops open and bright as the clicking of the keyboards filled the warm homey air. 

“Studying for midterms, girls?” I asked as I placed the last girl's coffee by her hand. 

A few of them responded with a quick ‘yup’ and went straight back to their studies.

I went back to baking my brownies while daydreaming about Spencer. The thing’s I would let that man do to me, I thought as I placed the brownies into the oven. 

I pulled out my own laptop and continued from where I left off from yesterday night, the chapter I was currently working on was almost done and I had used some of Spencer’s great ideas. Trying my best to focus on the task at hand my mind just kept slipping away to Spencer and the conversations he and I had had yesterday night. 

“Look!” I heard Darcy Shawma, a cute Asian girl with braces say. She was pointing to the windows by the front of the shop. Following her fingers' direction, I find soft snow falling from the afternoon sky. I sighed in awe as it was the first snowfall of the season indicating it was the perfect time to start baking Christmas sweets. 

Ditching chapter 13 of my book, I pulled up a new search tab and began scavenging google for the best Christmas baking recipes. As I searched I could already just taste the delicious gingerbread in my mouth and the sweet smell of sugar cookies. This had reminded me that I needed to get the annual Christmas tree out soon. This year I had already decided that I would get Spencer Reid a Christmas present. We’d known each other for so long now I just thought it would be a good idea. 

For the rest of that night, I surfed the net for yummy Christmas treats to bake and possible presents for Spencer. 

-

December 2nd:

The next day Spencer was a no show. Not thinking much of it I assumed he was away on a case as usual. Chloe and I started putting up the Christmas decorations. 

-

December 6th: 

He hadn’t showed up again for the fifth day in a row now. It could just be a long case, nothing to be too worried about. The book was going great. I was now halfway done. 

-

December 13th: 

Now I was getting worried. He never in his life has done this. He never not came back after a week. I didn’t have any contact with him so I had no way to know whether he was out on a very long case or he got hurt or if he got tired of the place or oven ME. 

-

December 14th:

I had gone full panic mode. When he hadn’t shown up in the morning I had a whole meltdown on Chloe’s shoulder. She tried telling me maybe he was just away on his own holiday but I didn’t believe her because every year he would tell me. 

-

December 16th:

To cope with Spencer being gone for so long I decided to start decorating gingerbread houses. They turned into piles of gingerbread frosting and candy, they looked as if they were going to be a part of Halloween rather than Christmas. They failed big time. That afternoon the group of College girls came by and they had gotten me a present! I was shocked and very flattered that they thought of me. They explained that it was their senior year of College and that next year they would be leaving, they noticed that I was constantly typing on my laptop that they had gotten me a brand new and updated laptop. The rest of the afternoon we hung out and decorated the leftover gingerbread houses together before they left for their holiday vacation with their families and friends. 

-

December 20th: 

Once again I had another meltdown but this time there were no witnesses, we had closed down for the holidays and Chloe was off in New York with her family. She invited me to come with her but I politely declined and stayed behind in case Spencer came. The book was finally done and the first rough copy was printed. After the holiday’s I would bring my book to my publishing company and they could take care of it from there. As for the first copy as promised, I tied the stack of paper that formed a story with a single red ribbon running horizontally and vertically across the book with a pretty bow in the center for Spencer. It was the best gift from my heart. Along with the first copy of my book, I wrote Spencer a letter of confession where I poured my heart out about my feelings for him. 

Dear Dr. Spencer Reid,

Merry Christmas! You’ve been gone for a really long time. I hope you’re doing alright! It’s so unusual not to make your daily coffee loaded with sugar. Chloe started asking about you too. We miss you, you know? 

I miss you.

We’ve known each other for so long now. Ever since I graduated from University you started coming here too. You fell in love with the place just like I did, I could tell by the expressions on your face. Ever since that day you started coming every possible day possible. I baked a strawberry cheesecake today in hopes the smell will attract you back. Sadly it didn't. 

When you walk in through that door everyday my day immediately gets 100x better. Your smile literally radiates serotonin to me. (Please don’t correct me on that, I know that’s impossible.) I really miss your smile, your voice, and your everything really. I wish you would walk through that door right now. 

By now you have probably picked up that I like you, I make it very obvious. I LIKE YOU SPENCER REID. There I said it. Chloe has been egging me on for forever to tell you. The day you walked through that door I fell for you hard, I was young and naive but even now that I have grown into an intelligent woman I still like you, you’re something else, Spencer. 

I hope this doesn’t affect our friendship, Spencer. I really like what we have right now but if it could grow into something more I would love that. 

Bottom line I think I love you, Spencer. God, I don’t think. I do! I love you so much! My heart hurts when I don’t see you, it hurts me when I think about you getting hurt or even seeing you with other girls. I love you, Spencer. I hope you’re safe and you’re having a good Christmas. 

With unhealthy amounts of love, Y/n Y/l/n.

-

December 25th: 

He didn’t come again. I left his gift leaning on the glass of the cafe with Spencer’s name written in loopy holiday cursive indicating it was for him and that he’d know it was for him and pick it up if he decided to walk past. He didn’t. For Christmas that year, I sat at the armchairs by the fireplace drinking hot cocoa and eating gingerbread cookies while watching SpongeBob cartoons on my new laptop. To be honest it was a sad way to spend Christmas. 

-

December 31st:

The cafe was re-opened up again. Spencer’s gift was tucked inside a cabinet where I kept my personal things downstairs. He still didn’t come. The worry was now burning inside me. I thought about just showing up at the FBI and asking for Spencer, but he and I weren’t anything. I had no reason to be there. 

-

January 5th:

My book was now officially launched. I tried holding it back for as long as I could but the due date was fast approaching and I had no choice but to publish it. The copies sold out fast and I already got new fan mail. I may have promised Spencer he would be the first person to read it but he was late and never showed up but he would still have the first-ever copy if he ever came back I suppose. Chloe also got back!

-

January 17th: 

The teenage boy’s stormed the bakery. The college girls finally return. The old lady, Granny Lizzie I would call her that owned the shop passed away sadly.

-

January 20th:

It was a sad day, it was Granny Lizzie’s funeral. I inherited the cafe in her will. 

-

January 29th:

Snowstorm. 

-

February 7th:

Chloe’s birthday! We shut down the cafe for three days and she and I flew out to LA together to celebrate her birthday. Lots of drinking. Maybe even a hookup. 

-

February 14th:

Chloe got asked out. No Spencer. Valentine day dates overflow the cafe. Red velvet cheesecake cookies, big hit. 

-

February 26th:

Started on a new book. More mental breakdowns. I really missed Spencer. Snow is gone now.

-

March 4th:

 Discovered one of the couples got divorced and no longer came to the cafe. Bummer they were really nice. 

-

March 20th: 

Rain. Closed off early to lay in the rain on the top of the roof. Relaxing. Cried for Spencer. 

-

March 26th: 

Spencer! 

-

10 minutes until closing.

The bell to the cafe rang and I boringly glanced at the door, not a single interest in me. I hadn’t seen Spencer in so long I gave up in hope. A tall man appeared in the doorway, he had longish curly hair and wore a tight black suit with a purple tie. It took me a moment to realize who it was.

“SPENCER!” I yelled as he approached the counter; the way he walked and carried himself changed, he no longer had a doubt in his steps, his strides were now confident and long. He carried himself with confidence and security and looked like he didn’t have a care in the world, he was more relaxed now and not uptight and stiff. 

My whole mood changed completely, I was no longer sad or bored and was now full of energy and excitement. Ditching the register I ran around back to get to the other side of the counter. As soon as I was close enough to Spencer I jumped into his arms and squeezed him tight. Immediately he responded and hugged me tight and held my weight. 

“Where were you?” I whispered, not letting Spencer go. 

“I was in prison,” He whispered back, his voice cracking. 

“Wait what?” I asked in disbelief but that wasn’t enough for me to let go of him. It didn’t matter. 

“I was framed for murder,” He responded no hesitation. 

I immediately relaxed again and melted away in the hug. 

“I missed you!” I grumbled, finally pulling away from the hug. 

“I know, I missed you too,” Spencer whispered. 

“Can I just kiss you!” I blurted out suddenly. 

Not needing to be told twice Spencer immediately captured my lips in his. His lips were what I had imagined soft against mine, and moulded perfectly into mine. The kiss was sweet but also hungry yet still gentle, his hands held my waist as mine tangled into his soft curls. It was probably the best kiss I have ever had. Scratch that it was the best kiss I’ve ever had. 

“I have something for you,” I whispered, pressing my forehead against his, our nose tickling each other. 

“Mhm, and what’s that?” He asked, smiling. 

“Go grab a seat,” I responded, already running around the corner to get Spencer’s very late Christmas present. 

Swinging open the cabinet door excitedly, I grabbed my wrapped gift for Spencer. 

Gripping the three-month-old gift tightly, I made my way quickly back to where Spencer was sitting. Our spot, I would like to say. 

“This is for you,” I said, handing him the gift with a wide smile. “You were supposed to receive it on Christmas,” I finished with a shrug. 

“You didn’t have to Y/n,” Spencer said, unwrapping the gift.

“I definitely had too,” I reassured with a warm smile.

“Y/n is this what I think it is?” Spencer asked, picking up the first-ever copy of my semi-new book. 

“Mhm, as promised Spencer you get the first copy, even though you weren’t able to be the first one to read it.” I shrugged. 

“This is great! I don’t mind, it was something both of us couldn’t control,” Spencer responded, picking up the letter I had written for him. 

“Read it!” I exclaimed.

Spencer nodded and unfolded the perfectly folded letter. It barely took him a minute to read the letter, it looked as if he just scanned the letter with his eyes but in reality he definitely memorized it. After his eyes landed at the bottom of the page he slowly looked back up to meet my eyes. 

“I love you too,” He breathed. 

“I’m s-sorry can you say that again, I heard you the first time, I just need to re-hear you again to make sure,” I stuttered happy tears escaping my eyes. 

Whipping the tears away Spencer leaned close to my ear and whispered, “Y/n Y/l/n I love you.”

“This is probably the best thing that has happened to me ever since my Junior year of University.” I happily cried. 

“Me too,” Spencer said.

“Does this mean we’re together?” I asked suddenly. 

“Yes, this does,” He responded.

“Good. I’ve waited for this for so long,” I breathed. 

“All throughout prison you were the only thing I thought about, other than getting out and trying to stay alive,” Spencer said.

“That’s flattering yet scary,” I responded with a light chuckle. 

“I guess it is,” Spencer responded. 

-

April 5th:

“SPENCER, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING! THE DRY INGREDIENTS AND THE WET INGREDIENTS NEED TO BE SEPARATE,” I yelled as I dumped burnt to crisp cinnamon buns down the garbage shoot. They were like pieces of black coal that were steaming a very unpleasant smell. 

“I forgot!” Spencer yelled back, unsuccessfully cracking an egg. 

There were three more hours until opening happened and baking was not being done. Well, it was being done, just very poorly. Spencer asked to come over very early in the morning to help me bake, he had reassured me that he would be helpful but right now he’s not really living up to his promise. 

Two batches. That’s it, two good batches was all we got out of a dozen.  

“I thought baking was easier,” Spencer puffed, ditching the eggs and plopping down onto a stool. 

“It’s just math and science Spencer,” I laughed. 

“Well it’s complicated,” He pouted. 

“Oh, boo-hoo,” I mocked, rubbing my eyes, fake crying. 

-

May 21st:

Chloe got engaged! So her date went well I would assume. I’m so excited, the weddings going to be so amazing!

-

May 30th:

CHLOE ASKED ME TO BE HER MAID OF HONOUR!!!!!!! It’s party time bitchessssss. 

-

June 3rd:

“SURPRISE!” Was the first thing I heard walking in through the doors of the cafe. Looking around the whole cafe was decorated in streamers and balloons for my birthday. 

“You guys! You didn’t have to do this!” I exclaimed. 

“But we did!” Spencer said kissing my cheek. Taking my hand in his he spoke again, “Come meet the team.”

I immediately stiffened at the thought of meeting Spencer’s team. He most likely noticed this and gave my hand a small squeeze. “Don’t worry they’ll love you,” He reassured. 

“I’m counting you on that,” I whispered. 

-

July 25th: 

Chloe’s wedding is today! The day was perfect and sunny for a beach wedding, everyone who was invited to their wedding flew out to California for their beach wedding. The groom’s name was Ricky Polern and he was actually a pretty nice guy, funny, and respectful. 

I brought Spencer with me as a plus one to the wedding and Spencer gladly came with me. Although I had to push some buttons with his team to drag him with me. 

The wedding was spectacular and everyone had lots of fun, the food was great, and fortunately, there was no case to steal Spencer away from me. Spencer and I even had our first slow dance together. He looked so handsome in the dim light and he had told me I was the one he wanted to grow old with. I cried tears of joy. 

I caught the bouquet! 

-

August 7th: 

David Rossi invited me over to dinner to get to know me better, it was VERY scary at first but he ended up loving me. Chloe was also finally moved out, it was very sad but we promised to call everyday.

-

August 22nd: 

Spencer proposed! I think I might die of happiness. I will die of happiness. 

-

“Spencer, what are we doing out here on the roof so late at night?” I asked as Spencer dragged me onto the roof. 

“I have something to show you!” Spencer excitedly responded. 

Spencer had set up a table with red table cloth and vanilla-scented candles with perfectly placed table utensils. All of it seemed so cliche but it was adorable coming from Spencer. 

Spencer pulled out a seat for me to sit at and I chuckled and gave a little curtsy before sitting.  Pushing me in gently making sure he didn’t push me in too much he ran over to his side of the table and sat down too. “So do you like it?” He asked.

“Spencer this is great,” I answered.

Spencer’s smile widened and he looked as if he was a child again and he had just discovered he was going to DisneyLand.

Pulling out a very delicious looking strawberry cheesecake out of a picnic basket, Spencer set it down between us and said, “I have successfully backed a strawberry cheesecake for you Y/n just like how you baked one for me.”

“Spencer you didn’t have too! This is so amazing.” I exclaimed, examining the perfectly baked sweet. 

“It took me a few tries but I did it,” He admitted. 

“What matters is that you did this for me,” I said reassuringly with a warm smile tugging at my lips. 

“Hey could you cut the cake, I need to do something,” Spencer said, handing me a small cake knife before he disappeared out of my sight. 

“Spencer, this has great texture,” I explained cutting into the fluffy cheesecake. 

“Y/n turn around,” I heard Spencer say from behind. 

Not giving it much thought I did. What I saw surprised me completely. Spencer was on one knee and in his hands was a beautiful dark purple velvet box and in it sat a beautiful diamond ring. The ring had a thin silver band and a beautiful perfectly round diamond. 

“I know this is really early in our relationship Y/n, but it feels like I’ve known you for my whole life. You’re the one person that makes me happier than the books I read and you make me feel so special. Your kind, beautiful, smart and you love everyone you meet. That day you met my team they loved you so much Rossi told me to marry you and when you caught the bouquet I knew I had too. Y/n Y/ln will you marry me?” He proposed smiling up at me.

At that moment I fell in love with Spencer all over again, to have him say those things warmed my heart to the fullest. I felt tears in my eyes when I answered, “Yes! Yes! Yes! I would love to marry you!” I cried.

Spencer gently slipped the ring onto my finger and jumped up and brought me into a big hug. Without much thought I crushed my lips onto Spencer and wrapped my arms around the back of his neck. This kiss we shared was beyond special as our bodies pressed together and our lips moved in sync. 

“I love you so much,” I whispered, pulling away.

“I love you more,” Spencer said, reconnecting our lips. 

-

September 1st:

I asked Chloe to be my maid of honour! She said yes! 

-

September 16th: 

I met Spencer’s mother and she was the sweetest person alive, she and I started the planning for the wedding. 

-

September 30th:

Wedding dress shopping!! 

-

October 1st:

Spencer and I had the best time together decorating the cafe with Halloween decorations. It was his favourite holiday and he was definitely living up to the Halloween spirit.

-

October 28th:

It’s Spencer's birthday! The team called me up in secret and we planned a secret birthday party for Spencer. He admitted he figured out we had planned a party for him because he knew we were sneaking around, but he still loved it. Everyone had fun and very very drunk.

-

October 31st:

Spencer unfortunately couldn’t spend Halloween with me this year, he was away on a case. But he promised he would make up for it when he got back.

-

November 15th:

Spencer and I were finally getting married. The wedding was beautiful, nothing grand but it was spectacular. The dress I wore was beautiful but simple, it was sleek and fit me well hugging all my curves and was floor length. Spencer looked very handsome standing at the altar as I was walked by Rossi to him.

The wedding vows were said and both Spencer and I had no hesitation. When we kissed the whole crowd cheered for us. The night was magical the best I’ve ever had, we danced the night away and in the end we took a jet to Sydney Australia for our honeymoon. But not before Chloe took mass amounts of photos of Spencer and me and rubbed the fact that Spencer and I did get married in my face.

It was great. 

-

December 25th: 

Spencer and I had our first Christmas together, it was also the day I told him I was pregnant. He was very excited. We were ready for children.

-

Somewhere in the future:

We had twins, Amelia and Claira Reid! Spencer is the best father ever, he loves his girls so much and would do anything for them. 

We ended up moving in together in a small beautiful house in the same neighborhood as Rossi, who treated them like they were his own grandchildren. I retired from the cafe and became a full-time author writing horror novels. Cherry White and her best friend Rossa Lenney ended up caring on the legacy and I passed on the cafe to her and her best friend. 

As cliche as it sounds, Spencer and I had a happily ever after. 

[alexandenigtscreations]

Chapters: 2/2 Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel Additional Tags: Season 3 Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, cw blood, Man of Glass episode, Whump, self doubt, new relationships Summary:

What if Juno didn't have time to heal properly from the soul incident before he and Ransom went on their first mission in the Aurinko crime family?

[Chapter 1 Link Here]

It was that same breath that woke Nureyev some odd hours later.  Sharp puffs of over warm air tuning into a series of strangled wheezes.  He felt pressure over his chest, from where Juno was hugging him tight, eye scrunched closed and trembling.  

Heart in throat, Nureyev commanded the lights on, and sucked in his breath.  He didn’t have to check to know that Juno’s injuries had gotten worse.  

“Juno?” wriggling free enough to get a hand on the other’s shoulder, “Juno, love, you have to wake up for me.”  He gave him a gentil shake. “Juno!” His clammy skin had taken an unhealthy ashen quality and the fever displayed prominently on his cheeks.  Another shake elicited a pained whimper. Again, his arm was clamped around his middle as if trying to keep the pain at bay.  

Help, Nureyev needed to call for help.  He scanned about looking for his coms and spotted them at the other end of the room.  He disentangled himself from the injured man and the blankets, stumbling over to the device and squinting down at the screen.  It was hard to read without his glasses, but it wasn’t like he had many names programmed in. He only needed one number, just one!

There!  Vespa Ilkay’s information.  He called once, no response, twice-  Juno started to cough, wet and harsh.  He was struggling to get upright but seemed unable to support himself.  Confound it all, he mashed the button a third time and went to him.

“No, no, no Love, please don’t get up.”  He did his best to brace him while he coughed, trying to take the pressure off.  He used the moment to jam his glasses on his nose, double checking he was making the right call.

The fifth and sixth calles yielded no results.  A dark stain blotted through the grey material, seeping out and down more and more of Juno’s side.  There was too much blood.

He tried Buddy- still nothing-  He balled up an undershirt and pressed it to the wound, begging the flow to stem.  Juno cried out, scrabbling at his arms, his chest, trying to push him away.

“It’s just me Detective, it’s just me-” he took a moment to stroke back his hair to calm him.  Juno cursed under his breath, his voice absolutely wrecked.  

He could go and get Vespa, but leaving Juno would be an...issue.  The man had a history of not staying put. Juno had tried vacating the hospital Nureyev had taken him to to get his eye treated.  Heavily sedated and battered though he was, he had made a valiant effort.  

Glancing at the list again, Rita’s name came into focus.  He could call her, she knew Juno well- but had almost no connection to Buddy or Vespa, which left Jet.

He tried Vespa again, nothing.  Then Jet and there! He got him on the first try.

“Jet!”  

“Ransom-?” his voice was heavy with sleep, “It’s late- can’t this wait until-”

“This can not wait, Jet.  Juno’s hurt- he needs help.” he explained urgently, hoping that this man he hardly knew would provide aid.  

“Then you should call Vespa-”

“Yes, yes, I’ve already tried Vespa and Buddy, but they are not picking up!  Please Jet, there is so much blood. It won’t stop-” he could feel the sticky warmth under the hand applying pressure, the arm that Juno still had a grip on, though it was looser than before, weaker- he refused to consider the implications.  

Oh Juno- no. His teeth bit down on his lower lip as he tried to focus.  

There was the sound of movement on the other end, rustling of fabric and rattling of items Nureyev had no patience to place.  Contact having been made, all of his attention was now back on his lady. He tried to sooth him the way that he had done in the chamber- when the pain in Juno’s skull had grown so severe he’d be forced to hover between the waking world and whatever hellish stream his mind decided to depict.  

“I did not know he was hurt on the mission.” said Jet through the coms, Nueyev nearly jumped out of his skin, he forgot Siqualiak was on the other line.

“It seemed he reopened some old injuries.” Nureyev explained, “He didn’t share how he had acquired them, but he racked up quite the collection-” his hand drifted to Juno’s forehead, wiping away the cold sweat and carefully smoothing his hair.  Juno cracked open an unfocused eye, before screwing it shut again.  

Jet hummed, there was a sound of a buzzer and Buddy’s muffled voice.

“Please tell them to hurry.”

Jet repeated the message, adding “Vespa and Buddy are on their way.  Can Juno stand?”

“No.” said Nureyev.  “I’d try to get him there myself, but I don’t know how extensive his injuries are-”  There had been so many wounds- his mind came up with dozens of scenarios where Juno could have acquired such damage- His detective had a pension for getting in over his head.  

Then again, so did he.  

For a moment, it felt like this was an extension of his crushing debt, like interest accrued because he was too much a fool to not of avoided it in the first place-

There was a pang of loss thinking about that yawning gap of time they were apart.  Perhaps, if he’d been less of a coward and kept Juno close, refused to let him leave that night, he wouldn’t have been hurting like he was now-  That he would have been spared these injuries- That he could have protected him.  

And yet- he had grown so much since they’d last been together.  He wondered if it would have happened at all if they’d been together at the time-  There was a small, petty, part of him was jealous this transformation had happened without him.  

“And Jet- he’s in my quarters.” that may require some explaining, but he could deal with that latter.

Jet grunted “That is good to know.”

“Nu-Nureyev-” shuddered Juno, and Nureyev tuned the coms out almost completely.  

“What is it?”

“I- Imma not- feelin’ so hot-” he slurred, chest working overtime to supply enough breath, fingers tangled in the material over his stomach.  

Nureyev chuckled “Not feeling so hot?  My Detective, what cued you in?” Juno’s lips ticked up “Help is on the way.”

Not long after, the small party came streaming in.  Vespa’s hostile expression dropped into a softer sneer at the sight.  

“And what the hell happened to you Steel?”

Juno laughed, a strange delirious thing that set Nureyev further on edge if that were possible “You’re gonna have ta’ be m-more specific-”

“If you’re well enough to play games Steel then you’re-”

“Vespa, darling, save your banter for a time when he can appreciate it.  I fear he’s operating on conditioned response alone.”

Vespa shook her head once, then twice before slipping closer; kneeling down to take his pulse and get a few scans from a handheld instrument.  There was something in the way that the scowl melted off her face that made Nureyev’s blood run cold.

“What’s-” his voice broke, he cleared it and tried again “What’s wrong?”

“His vitals are all screwy for starters.  Siqualiak, help me get him into the stretcher.  Ransom, keep pressure on that wound, I’ll take a look when we get to the medical ward.”

They all assumed their positions, Nureyev lightly chastising Juno for fighting the lift, though he was alarmed at how ashen he’d gotten after the move.

He chewed on the inside of his lip as they brought him to the medical ward, the stench of antiseptic preceding the room before the doors swished open.  

“Gonna need some room!” Vespa snapped clearing a path around the hover gerny.  Buddy and Jet made room, but not Nureyev. He still had his hand clamped over the wound, the other running soothing streaks through Juno’s curls.  “That includes you thief.”

“And leave a lady in distress?  How could I possibly-”

“You know what? Just- can it! Keep applying pressure while I get set up.”

Nureyev sighed and nodded.  Realizing she probably wasn’t looking he added an “Understood.” He could at least do this much.  

Juno’s glassy eye landed on his face.  “W-what’s going on-Nnn-” he squeezed his eye shut and started over “Ransom-”

“Just you’re morning check-up Detective.”  he tried for his usual airy tone. “You’re lucky our good doctor could see you so early.”

Vespa made a noise of disgust from the wash station, before moving on to placing her tools on a tray.

“ohhh, god-” Juno groaned.  “It’s-too early for this-” his breath hitched, and he grasped at Nureyev’s wrist again, but it was heartbreakingly feeble.  “H-hurts-”

“Too early?” Vespa scoffed “Moreon it was almost too late!” then to Nureyev, “Keep the pressure on.”

Nureyev nodded, desperately trying to file away the phrase ‘too late’ before it could do damage.  Juno needed him now, he hadn’t the time to indulge foolish hypothetical fears. Instead, he focused on stroking his thumb over the lady’s cheek bone, hoping to sap some of the tension from his features.  

In a smooth, practiced motion, Vespa sliced through Juno’s shirt and layers of bandages. The goar soaked layers shrinking away from her shears till she was down to the skin.  She handed Nureyev a large piece of gauze with instructions to place it over the wound after she cleared the material away.  

He tried to ignore the way Juno curled around his fist when he reapplied his weight.  Tried to ignore the stuttering gasps by covering them with sweet nothings and gentle assurances.

It was Vespa cursing that dragged Nureyev back to Juno’s condition.  Laying exposed under the harsh lights of the medical bay, he could see the fresh blottings of purple and black discoloration Juno’s skin.  Clear evidence of internal bleeding.

His lady had been bleeding out on the inside and Nureyev had almost let him.  

“God dammit!  I’m your doctor, you got a problem, see me ASAP!” Vespa exploded shooting Nureyev a look he was sure could be classified as a dangerous radical.  

“That-that wasn’t there last night-” he swallowed past the lump in his throat.

“Last night?  He’s been bleeding out since last night and you didn’t think to call me?”

Nureyev bit back his retort.  There was nothing he could say that wouldn’t make the situation worse.  The fact of the matter was Vespa was right, and he said as much.

She seemed to deflate a little, her shout dropping more to a gruff growl as she said “Next time, come to me, got it?”

Next time- Perish the thought.

“Understood.”  

Shortly after that, Vespa cast him out.  Leaving him trembling and weak on the wrong side of a door that held Juno Steel.  

He pressed his back against the wall, trying to regain control of his breath.  In through the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose-  but the words ‘Too late’ continued to bounce around his skull, refusing to be confined.

Juno had done it again.  Risk his life, at the very least his health, for the possibility of doing some good.  This time it was a step towards the cure mother prime. A noble venture to be sure but- for some reason, the fact it was a noble pursuit hurt so much more.

Nureyev had admired the moral outrage that played on his face at Zolitovna’s soiree, invoking the familiar electric spark of their first meeting.  But now- it scared him. It had the possibility of being Juno’s making or his undoing. We are not legends -

One thing Nureyev had retained from their little chat was that Juno seemed to have regretted leaving almost as much as Nureyev had-  If Nureyev had gotten his second chance with Juno, he wanted to, had to take it. In truth, he’d been doomed the moment Juno had been accepted onto the team.  

Too late-

He refused to accept that.  The universe couldn’t be that cruel.  

“How is he Pete?”

Nureyev nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Captain!”

“I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No I just-” he cleared his throat, desperately trying and failing to pull on the facade of Peter Ransom “Apologies Captain.  I was surprised. Juno-” his voice broke and he tried again “Juno is in surgery.”    

“Surgery.  I didn’t know he was hurt.”

Relevant information surfaced through the muddy waters of his brain “Old injuries were aggravated.  Seems the detective got into some trouble before joining the crew.” guilt leaded his chest, restricting his lungs “I should have brought him straight to Vespa.  I should have known-” he made to run his hands through his hair and paused at the sight of red.  

Blood, Juno’s blood on his hands- again.  Why did this always seem to happen? Sure, Juno’s scars were part of his charm but, he shouldn't’ have to bear so many-  “Oh my, what a mess.”

“Pete-” he startled again which only made Buddy’s voice go all the softer “Why don’t you sit down.” she graciously offered the chair next to her.  Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered that the chairs had not been there earlier, which meant she must have brought them from the kitchen.  

Nureyev complied, because of course he did.  One simply did not say no to Buddy Auranko. He padded over on unsteady legs and perched at the edge of the seat.

Buddy gave him an appraising look “I take it Juno is more than a reference to you.”  

“Pardon?”

“Juno.  You two seem to have grown closer in the few hours since the heist.  Quite different from your earlier antics.”

“Oh, I-” He cast around for an answer, something that would satisfy Buddy.  The evening's events still had him reeling. “It’s- complicated. Suffice to say, we left on questionable terms.  It’s what we were discussing last night-”

“I see.”

They lapsed into an uneasy silence.  Buddy didn’t push and he was grateful for that.  He felt as though she could filay him open and lay all his secrets bare if she desired too.  It was unsettling, to say the least. He would have to watch himself around her.  

It was hard to not think about why it was taking Vespa so long to patch up Juno.  By all accounts, Vespa was skilled in medicine. Her specialty was reserved for the field, but that should make her all the more brutally efficient.  Nureyev’s hands were still trembling- traitorous things. He clenched his fists so that the nails dug into his palms and the lichtenberg scars stood out against his wrists.  

Buddy gave his shoulder a squeeze.  “My word Pete, you’re freezing. Why don’t you go get cleaned up and we’ll see what we can do to get you warm.”

Fear shot through him at the thought of leaving, he didn’t have a chance to file it away.  What if something happened to Juno when he was gone? What if he needed something? What if Juno woke up, alone or- What if it had been too late and Juno left all over again?  A protest sprang from his lips before he could stop it.  

Buddy’s face was painfully understanding, despite his outburst.  “I’ll stay right here until you return.”

Again, one simply did not say no to Buddy Auranko-  So he made his leave, bare feet numb against the metal floor.  Then he remembered his coms and the name he didn’t call.  

“Captain,” he said “Rita, has anyone informed her about-” his hands fluttered through the air “the situation?”

“Jet has already taken care of that darling.”

He nodded, that was- good.  

Buddy had been right to ask him to wash up, he was covered in blood and Juno with his delicate sensibilities, would not take kindly to the sight.  Once alone, he tried to close off his mind and focus on the task at hand. Bussing his thoughts with as many details as he could absorb. After showering and trading sleepwear for more formal attire he was marginally more presentable, more able to wield the mask of Peter Ransom.  

Buddy was still there, her coms playing mood music as she thumbed through its contents.  She greeted him with a nod when he returned.

The rest of the time passed in a blur.  At some point, a mug of coffee was pressed into his hands, a blanket draped over his shoulders.  He’d flashed someone a smile of thanks, but couldn’t remember who-

When at long last Vespa emerged from the medbay, she greeted them with a “The moron’s awake, kind a.” She shot Nureyev a look “If you have to, you can see him.  But he’s pretty messed up, so don’t be surprised if he passes out again.”

Nureyev took the words like a stun shot to the chest.  

Juno was awake.

He offered Vespa some sort of pleasantry before rushing into the room.

Sure enough, Juno was awake and looking about bleary eyed with deep lines of exhaustion carved into his face.  But he was awake and alive and in front of Nureyev. By the stars, he missed that face.  

It was the most wonderful thing that he could have hoped for.  

“Hello Juno.” Nureyev smiled taking his place next to the detective.  “I think it’s time you and I have a little chat.”

[sierraraeck]

Cleansing (Pt.2)

Spencer x OC Aundreya

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

If you are triggered by talk of sexual abuse and have not read how I have set up this fic, please do so. You can still read it without that content, just click here.

(This is my gif so please give credit if used)

Summary: Spencer needs help dealing with his dealer. Both of them are required to take two weeks off and they decide to spend those two weeks together. Things get hot and messy and emotional. There’s a lot going on. Story nine.

Category: Some angst, some fluff, some steam, some smut.

Warnings: Cussing. Drugs. Mentions of drug abuse. Shots fired. Discussion of prior sexual abuse. Oral (both receiving), penetrative (unprotected), fingering, creampie.

Word Count: 8.6k

A/N: This is my first time writing smut. Forgive me if it’s bad and I’d love to hear your feedback. Also, I know injuries don’t heal that fast but we are just going to ignore it. Big thanks to @definitelynotkatesblog for reading over and helping me with the smut section, I really appreciate it.

Side note: Somewhere in here I hit 50k words of fanfic.

“Let the two weeks commence,” I said, pressing play on the season premiere of ‘Sherlock’. I’d made the executive decision that we were going to stay inside as much as possible, and we were going to binge watch shows and have movie marathons. He made the executive decision that we were going to start with ‘Sherlock’.

I had practically moved into his apartment, my things stuffed into the corner underneath the tv. I brought everything I needed, plus an entire suitcase worth of new books for him to read since he wasn’t supposed to be doing much. The only reason anyone left his apartment was for me to go pick up food, or something else from my place that I decided we needed. I made sure to keep all of the walkways clear, and I watched him like a hawk every time he decided to move. Most of the time I scolded him and got whatever it was for him, but things like the bathroom and showering, those got more complicated.

He insisted that I go home and sleep at my place, but I was content on his couch. At night, things were the worst. It’s like I could feel his restlessness. He eventually fell asleep, but at around 2am every night, he was waking up from whatever terrifying dream decided to haunt him. I would go into his room and sit with him for a while, sometimes reading to him (he complained he felt childish but I knew he secretly liked it), and then, out of fear I would hurt him laying next to him and wouldn’t be close enough to him from the couch, I slept on the floor. Which he scolded me for every morning. But I didn’t mind. I’d slept on worse. I created a pillow fortress around the whole bed just in case he rolled off, which he informed me was ridiculous and he’d never done in his life, but I told him you can never be too sure.

Then there was that deal about the drugs.

We were both getting clean, and considering he was addicted to pain meds, he couldn’t take any pain meds. We had made a deal that every time one of us left the other’s sight, when they came back, we’d check them for drug use. I checked him for an injection site and he checked me for signs of power, and any other symptoms that were associated with the other’s drug. I felt my heart pull a little every time I looked over at him and saw him in that brace. I could tell he was trying so hard to keep it together, but the pain was getting to him.

“It’s okay, you know,” I told him.

“What?”

“To cry.”

“What are you talking about?” he said through a grimace.

“Or maybe scream, if that’s more your thing.” He looked at me expectantly, so I explained, “Besides the morning and the night, the pain is the worst at around four. It’s four right now. I know it’s not pleasant over there, and I’m just reminding you that it’s okay to let go.”

“You’ve been paying attention to when I’m in the most pain?”

“What else am I going to pay attention to?”

“The tv.”

“The tv is not nearly as interesting as you.”

“So my pain is interesting to you?” he said, raising his eyebrows.

“You know that’s not what I meant. But if you must know, your general health and well-being is definitely a point of interest to me,” I fired back. He gave me a small smile.

I left to go to the bathroom, and when I came back, he checked me. It had been a few days (I honestly stopped keeping track) and I decided I’d keep things interesting.

I took off my sweatshirt and turned the pockets inside out. “As you can see, there are no drugs in here.” He nodded, seeming slightly confused as to why I needed to take my sweatshirt completely off to prove that. Next, I stripped off my sweatpants, leaving me in my bra and underwear. I turned those pockets inside out as well and repeated, “There are no drugs in here, either.”

His eyes seemed conflicted, flicking between my empty pockets, the tv, and my much-on-display body. I did a slow turn, and as I did, I drew attention to my lower half, explaining that I didn’t have any drugs stuffed in my panites.

When I turned back around to face him, I caught his eyes lingering on the delicate lace that shielded the last of myself from him. He looked up into my eyes, realizing I’d noticed him staring, and quickly shifted his gaze back to the tv. I put my sweatshirt back on, but in return removed my bra using the classic locker room trick. I held it up like it was an exhibit at a museum, ready for him to examine. “And finally, there are no drugs in here either.”

He followed the sight of my bra falling from my fingers all the way down to the floor, landing right next to my forgotten sweatpants. I strutted back over to the couch and sat down next to him, letting the knowledge that I was half as clothed as before set in. I pretended to turn my attention back to the tv, but I kept an eye on his reaction out of my peripheral. I had definitely accomplished my goal of distracting him from the pain.

I continued to tease him the next couple of days, getting a bit more bold as time went on, like making sure to ‘thoroughly check all of the alternative spots’ that one could inject themselves in besides the arm. The bolder I got, the more he slightly squirmed under my touch, even biting his lip once and having a shudder run through his body. I had to compose myself until I turned away, not wanting him to know how much pleasure I got from seeing how much of an effect I had on him.

After I had teased him for a few days, I decided I’d just toss a delicious idea I’d dreamt of out there and see what happened.

“So, today you get to test out ‘taking it easy’ without the brace on, huh?” I asked.

“Yep,” he responded.

“How’s the pain?”

“It’s better than it was a week and a half ago. I’m lucky that it was only a super minor fracture, and because I have been following all of the rules so strictly,” he cleared his throat and gave me a pointed look, “it is healing as fast as possible.”

“That is fantastic news. What do you plan on doing first as an unbraced man?”

“I don’t know, actually.”

“May I suggest a shower? The warm water will feel amazing,” I suggested.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” he turned to head toward the bathroom.

I took a giddy deep breath, but tried to sound innocent when I asked, “Would you like any help?”

“Help with what?” He took a couple paces backwards so he could look at me.

“Just help. I’d hate for you to slip in the shower your first day out of the brace and not have anyone around to catch you…” I trailed off. His eyes got really wide and his demeanor changed to one of nervousness. Or was that excitement? I couldn’t quite tell.

He gulped but followed matter-of-factly with, “That is a good point...”

Was that a yes? What does that mean? Dammit that was a clever response.

Spencer walked back into the bathroom and turned on the water. I sat there, replaying his response over and over in my head trying to figure out what I should do.

It wasn’t long before I got my answer when he peeked his head out of the door and asked, “Well, are you going to come help me or not?”

Fuck yeah I’m going to help.

“Of course I am. I’m right behind you,” I said, already halfway to the bathroom. I stripped off my t-shirt and underwear (I sported only those two garments nowadays) and stepped into the bathroom. The room felt amazing, like being hugged with a warm blanket, the mirror already steamed over. Spencer was already in the shower. I took one deep breath and stepped around the curtain.

He was so perfect. He was facing the water and I watched the droplets collect on his back, then traced them as they ran all the way down it. I was still looking down when he turned around to face me. I was about to do a double take, shocked by his size, but he put a finger under my chin and lifted it up, forcing me to peel my eyes away and look into his own.

“Hi,” he said in a soft tone.

“Hi,” I replied. I felt frozen in place, drowning in his warm gaze, our only point of contact being just his finger under my chin. I wanted so badly to change that, but I had to remind myself to be gentle. Speaking of, I moved my eyes down his lips, his jaw, his neck, his chest, until I reached the scar on his right side. I slowly lifted my left hand and placed it just under the stitches they'd removed the day before. He shuddered just a little, and I quickly retracted my hand, worried I’d hurt him.

“I’m so sorry-”

“No. It’s okay,” he assured. He reached down and engulfed my hand in his, delicately placing it back on his body, right over the scar. “I trust you.”

I was so thankful that the water was running, otherwise he would have seen the small teardrops that fell from my eyes. I’d never heard more beautiful words come out of a more beautiful mouth, and those three meant the world to me.

“I would never hurt you,” I whispered.

He nodded. “I know.”

It was too much to hope that he’d missed my tears, because he cupped my face and gently swiped at the extra moisture collecting on my cheeks. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just that … It’s just that I’ve never had anyone trust me the way you do,” I murmured.

How come I couldn’t go just one moment where I was supposed to be taking care of him and not have it turn into him comforting me?

I lightly danced my fingertips over his scar, and he found one of his own to trace his fingers over. I saw him eyeing it the other day, so it didn’t surprise me that out of all the scars on my body, this was the one he chose. It was one deep line that went right between my breasts. He leaned over and planted a single kiss right in the middle, sending a shudder down my spine. I sharply inhaled, and he ghosted his lips over me until they reached my own. I was captivated by how soft they were, how delicate he was being with me, as if I was the one who’d just been shot. He left me wanting more as he pulled away, but there were other things I had my heart set on helping him with.

For some reason, hair had always been one of the most attractive features to me. Spencer’s hair was like no others’, and I loved getting to thread my fingers through it whenever I could. I couldn’t resist reaching for his shampoo and globbing some on my hands.

“That’s too-”

“Shh,” I said. I had to reach up to get to his hair, but my hands moved with a mind of their own once they got going. I slowly watched more and more bubbles form in his hair as I massaged my hands around his head. He reached his own up, placing them on top of mine to aid in the process, causing me to giggle at the feeling. He removed my hands and I went to get my own shampoo, but I couldn’t help staring at the picturesque sight of him leaning his head back, closing his eyes, and letting the water rid his hair of the suds. I saw his Adam's apple bob when he swallowed, and couldn’t tear my eyes from his hands, methodically pushing his hair back from his face.

When he opened his eyes again, he almost smirked at the sight of me watching him. He put his hands on my shoulders, and turned me around so that I could no longer see him. He grabbed the loofah I left in there, added some body wash, and deliberately moved it in circular motions on my back. I felt him pause momentarily, probably studying the tattoo on my shoulder blade, but quickly continued. He switched places with me once he thought I was sufficiently scrubbed.

I felt the water beat down on my back as he wrapped his arms around me. I returned the embrace, both of our breathing hiccuping when his length rubbed against my folds. Neither of us dared to move, not sure if the other was willing to go farther. I put my head down on his chest, my lips leaving an open mouthed kiss on his collarbone in doing so. He rested his head down on top of mine, and we stood there in that embrace for what could have easily been forever. I got up on my tiptoes, forgetting that we were in a delicate situation, having to press my lips together before I reached his ear and whispered, “Let’s get you dried off.”

He reached around me to turn off the water and stepped out. I followed, grabbing the towel off the rack and looping it around him. I wrapped my own towel around me as Spencer turned to face me, stealing one more glance downwards before he could cover himself. We finished getting ready in silence, occasionally glancing over at the other.

We spent the rest of the night like that, hardly bothering to make small talk. Instead of watching tv, we decided we’d read prior to going to bed.

I don’t know about Spencer, but I couldn’t make it through a single page without having my mind drift back to him. I knew what I wanted, but my desire was strong enough to cloud my judgement, no longer allowing me to read him properly. I didn’t know exactly what he wanted, so I just sat there fantasizing about the shower and other fun places.

Finally, I’d had enough, getting out of the chair I was sitting in and moving toward the couch where Spencer was, leaving my book behind.

“How’s your book?” I asked.

“It’s good. How about yours?” he replied, not even looking away.

I ignored his question. “Is it descriptive?”

“Yes.” He looked up at me with slight confusion.

“That’s good. Being descriptive is a very good thing,” I said. I swung my leg over him, lowering myself down onto his lap.

He closed his book and put it on the end table next to us. There was a small question in his reply, “It is.”

“Do you think you could describe something to me?” I asked. I ran my hands down his clothed chest, toying with the waistband of his pajama pants. He swallowed, but didn’t protest.

“And what’s that?”

I smiled up at him as I started to slide his pants off him. “Is this okay?”

He only nodded in response, his eyes locked on my face. I pulled the remaining bit of underwear off, indulging in the growing erection I found underneath. I lightly stroked one finger down his length, tracing a protruding vein. He inhaled sharply, closing his eyes.

When I reached the base, I completely grasped him with one hand, pumping it up and down his shaft at an agonizingly slow pace.

“Describe this to me,” I said in a sultry whisper. His eyes flew open, telling me he didn’t think that was going to be possible. I put my other hand at the back of his neck and quickly swept him into a kiss. When I pulled away I added, “Just do your best.”

Besides the fact that I loved hearing his angelic voice, I wanted to give him a wide open, no shame invitation to express how he was feeling. I knew how awful it was to be in a situation where you felt like you couldn’t speak freely or tell someone what you wanted. This way, I could make sure he was comfortable with what I was doing and I could turn it into a little game where I could tease the hell outta him.

He nodded, face slightly pinched. “It’s, uh, good. Kind of slow.”

“Aw, you can do better than that,” I said playfully, “Tell it to me like you are reading it out of a detailed novel.”

I picked up the pace slightly for added encouragement.

“Um, you picked up the pace, but it was still too slow for my liking,” he gave me a questioning look and I gave him a single nod in approval. I started making zig-zag lines with my other hand that was previously on his neck, moving it slowly down his chest. His voice was strained but velvety when continuing, “You’re teasing me, which is fine for now, but I’m hoping that will change soon.”

I gave him a sly smile, finishing the path my other hand had been taking, reaching its destination onto his shaft, allowing it to help please him. “Keep going.”

“I’m inhaling, trying to focus really hard on forming coherent sentences,” he said, breathing starting to labor. I applied a bit more pressure. “I’ve decided to kiss you, needing something more to do with my lips than just talk.” He leaned toward me and kissed me, gasping as he did because I finally increased my pace to one that might be considered reasonable.

“Fuck,” he breathed.

“Ooh, that’s not part of the narrative,” I commented, my voice heavy with mischief, slowing back down.

“It is now,” he said through clenched teeth, giving me a look that begged me to speed back up. I had to smirk at his irises being swallowed up by the darkness expanding from his pupils. “You slowed down again, but I knew you would speed back up.”

I did as he said, watching his face in amusement as he started forming an idea.

“You kiss me,” and I did, “and you tug just a bit harder.”

Again, I followed his directions, allowing him to take some control back as long as he could continue giving them. Spencer smiled slightly to himself, finally picking up on how this little game of mine worked.

“I’m going to help you out of your shirt, then follow with my own,” he said. His nimble fingers brushed up under my shirt, the cold of his palms sending goosebumps up my warm sides. I put my arms up and he slipped the fabric easily over my head, leaving the piercing air to swarm my exposed body. Soon we were both topless and his gaze swept over my breasts. I could tell he was getting more excited as he continued on, but I decided I wanted some control back.

I pressed my lips to the base of his jaw as he pulled me flush against him, putting his own on the side of my neck. My hands resumed their previous position as I left a trail of small kisses along his jawline, in between them whispering, “Just keep focusing on those pretty sentences of yours.”

As I moved farther down his neck, he tilted his head back, allowing me more access. I kissed down the column of his throat, then his chest, planting one after the other, slightly sucking at each point. I paused to barely brush my lips against his scar before removing myself from his lap altogether, taking my hands along with me.

“For some reason you pulled away from me, but I want more. I want a lot more,” he said, staring into my eyes trying to read my ulterior motives. They became blatantly obvious when I sunk down to my knees. I pulled the rest of his clothes completely off him, tossing them to the side, Spencer walking me through it the whole way.

I looked up at him and flashed him a smile, saying, “Now, I don’t need you to be completely coherent for this, but I do want to hear how you are feeling, so don’t hold back any of the words, or sounds, that come to mind.”

I leaned over and just barely brushed my lips against his tip. Again, I purposely started out at a tantalizing pace, slowly taking him in inch by inch. I strained to keep my eyes on his, wanting to watch him writhe and unfold. He leaned his head back against the couch as his eyes fluttered shut.

I pulled off of him. “I just have one more request.”

“Anything,” he said in a haste, hardly waiting for me to finish my sentence. I had to smile at how eager he was to have me continue.

“I want you to look at me. I want to see your eyes all the way up until you can’t stand it anymore. I want to watch you fall over the edge,” I said.

He nodded. “Okay.”

I resumed my slow pace, hands on his thighs, only allowing myself to use my mouth for now. I swirled my tongue around him as best I could, eventually just opting to trace it along one of his veins, applying extra pressure there. I finally reached the bottom, holding all of him in my mouth. Only then did I pick up the pace. His hands flew into my hair and he let out a low groan. The deep pitch of it was unexpected coming from him, and it sparked a flame inside my chest that spread throughout my whole body.

I hummed against him, only dragging out his groan. I allowed my hands to work whatever I couldn’t comfortably fit in my mouth at this pace. I started sucking harder, his member not too far behind me, as he let a string of curses roll off his tongue. I let him fall from me with a satisfying pop, giving him only a moment of reprieve before I pushed him over the edge. His mouth was hanging open and I caught his tongue in a messy kiss before returning my attention back to his cock.

He quickly caught me before I took him back in. “Don’t. If you do that I’m going to-”

“I know,” I assured slyly, “I know exactly what I’m doing.”

I hesitated only for a moment, waiting to see if any more protests were headed my way. When I received none, I traced my tongue all the way down and back. I started intensely sucking at his tip when I had to remind him, “Remember, I want your eyes right here all the way until the last second.”

I took all of him back into my mouth, hollowing out my cheeks as I went. I was pumping up and down him as fast as I could, my hands following suit.

“Fuck, Aundreya,” he barely got out before I felt him pulse, being overpowered by the moan that followed. He was such a vision, letting all control go, spilling into my throat. I did my best to remember the taste before quickly swallowing, turning my attention to his face. As if he could get any prettier. His head was lulling back, mouth agape and eyes screwed shut in pure ecstasy. I waited for his eyes to flutter back open and look at me before I slowly freed him from my mouth.

I stood up, drinking in every detail of his naked body sitting there in front of me. If he was the last thing I ever saw, I would die happy.

I turned around so that when I bent over, slipping my panties down my legs, he’d have a perfect view of my ass. I stepped out of them and tossed them his direction. It was my way of warning him about the pool collecting at my core, knowing he’d feel how wet they already were. He dropped them on the ground next to the rest of our neglected clothes, and I extended my hand out to him. He gladly accepted and I led him back to his bedroom.

I quickly went to shut the blinds and when I turned around, Spencer was right there. He lightly pinned me up against the wall with his already clammy hands on my shoulders. There had always been something about his salacious hands that made me excited, the way his large palms and long, thin fingers could completely control me, but didn't. How he could manhandle me but he respected me enough not to. Not like I’d particularly protest if he decided he wanted to.

He gave me a brief kiss before enveloping one of my breasts in his hand, the other in his mouth. He rolled his tongue over my hardened nipple and I arched my back toward him away from the cool wall, letting out a gasp. I was already quivering under his touch by the time he ran a finger through my folds. I must have been extra sensitive since I hadn’t had any intimate contact with anyone in almost five years.

I let out a shaky breath, and he released me from the wall, only to turn right back around and hold me down on the bed. I relinquished any control I might’ve once had in this situation, giving it all to him. He placed his hands on my inner thighs and lightly spread them apart. He took a moment to admire the pool waiting for him. He left open mouthed kisses along my inner thighs, getting dangerously close to where I really needed him. A small whimper left my throat. I wanted to be embarrassed about how sensitive I was and how easily he was unraveling me, but I couldn’t. The blissful feeling I got from every contact point radiated through my body, easily overcoming any embarrassment I could muster.

“Could I make you form coherent sentences right now?” he asked with a smug smile, knowing damn well what the answer was.

“Definitely not,” I breathed and he chuckled. He gave me a chaste kiss, immediately contrasted by running his tongue over my clit, licking up the excess moisture on the way. I involuntarily lifted my hips up, but he placed an arm over them, holding them down. He expertly sucked at my nerves, causing me to press my lips together and cling to the bedsheets for dear life. Then he abruptly stopped.

“That’s not fair. You wanted to hear everything I had to offer, and now it’s your turn. I don’t want to see you press your lips together again,” he purred, quietly but sternly. I nodded, unwilling to hear how pathetic my voice would have sounded had I responded.

He went right back to what he was doing, lapping over me a bit faster than before. I let another whimper escape me and he mumbled, “There. That’s more like it.”

Right after he’d finished talking, his tongue plunged into me. My hands moved, needing to touch him, one landing in his hair, the other on his cheek. His hands kept me from bucking my hips toward him like I wanted, so I settled for lightly tugging at his roots. This only encouraged him. He replaced his tongue with two fingers and my breathing hitched. His pace was excruciatingly slow, which I guess I deserved. My breathing became labored and the moment he picked up the pace, curling his fingers inside me, I emptied my lungs, a high pitched moan ripping through my torso. I was already so close to the edge and he wasn’t letting up. He must’ve been returning the favor from earlier.

“Spencer-” before I could get anything else out, he removed his fingers and held them up to my face. I took them in my mouth, ridding each one of my fluids. Just as quickly as they came, they left, pushing back into me. My hands moved under his jaw where he was adding extra friction, attempting to pull him away from me. He wasn’t about to let that happen, so he took each one of my hands in one of his and pinned them on either side of me, simultaneously allowing him to press down my legs with his arms. His tongue persisted on its way to finishing me, and I interlaced my fingers with his right as I came undone.

“Fuck! Oh my god, Spencer, fuck,” I spoke through moans. I hadn’t experienced anything like that, anything that strong before, and I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head. How would I survive him fully inside me? I desperately wanted to find out. He finally came up for air after placing one last delicate kiss on my clit. He crawled up the bed so he was looming over me, perfectly positioned at my entrance. I hooked my hand around his neck and pulled him down to me. I put my other hand right on his scar, asking, “How does this feel?”

“If I’m being honest, I completely forgot about it.”

I smiled knowing that I was making for a great distraction. “Good. Let’s keep it that way for a while.”

He nodded in agreement and reached over my head to a drawer. He pulled out a small package but I stopped him before he tore it open.

“We don’t have to,” I said.

He stopped quickly and looked at me, puzzled. “We don’t have to use one if you don’t want to.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. I’m covered,” I said. I’d been on birth control since I was fourteen, and once I joined the gang, they did everything in their power to make sure that none of their ‘special ladies’ ever got pregnant. I knew that there was absolutely no chance of that now, so there was really no reason to use one.

The remains of a question lingered on his face, but he placed it back in his drawer. We didn’t have to get into that right now.

He leaned back slightly to line himself up, then he slowly pushed into me, my only warning being the look he gave me right before. I gasped as he filled me to the hilt. He slowly rocked into me, letting me adjust. I circled my hips under him finding the best position as he rested his head in the crook of my neck. I could feel his hot breath in time with his shallow thrusts.

⚠️ Warning: below this is where the sexual abuse content starts

That’s when the flashbacks hit me.

We weren’t in Spencer’s room anymore, not even in his apartment. The walls morphed into those of concrete slightly stained with water, the rhythmic sound of droplets dripping into a puddle behind me. It was dark and cold, and I could feel the springs of the dirty mattress moving beneath me, the musty air blanketing the room. I went to find comfort in Spencer but he wasn’t there anymore. The body looming over me, pushing into me, breathing down my neck was not Spencer. Instead, I found a man with an all too familiar buzz cut, tattoos littering his neck, and those chilling grey eyes that matched the unforgiving scenery surrounding us. I started to panic. It was this man who’d drugged me and tossed me around to his friends before using me, who’d held me down and choked me into submission, and who left me bloody, bruised, and broken.

My breathing became shallow, vision blurring, and my heart rate rapidly increased.

“Stop,” I could barely hear myself, but Spencer got the message.

He quickly pulled out and was sitting on his knees, looking me over. “What? Are you okay, did I hurt you?”

He sounded alarmed, but I shook my head. “No, no. You were perfect. I just … I just had a moment.”

“A moment?” he asked, timid.

“A flashback,” I explained. Realization spread through his glorious features and he started to back away from me. “No, it’s okay,” I grabbed him before he could move any farther away from me, terrified that if he left me I would shatter, pulling him into a hug. I could feel the heat between us and the meager sweat that was clinging to our bodies. My breathing was still unsteady as I shook the images from my head. I breathed him in, the sweet smell of autumn and cinnamon reminding me that it was just Spencer.

He tentatively put his hands around me, returning the hug. He repeated in my ear, “You’re safe. I’ve got you. It’s just me. You’re safe.”

I nodded into his shoulder. I felt ashamed and overexposed, wanting to pull the sheets around me, but I was too paralyzed to even move. I didn’t want to make things worse and I certainly didn’t want to scare Spencer away, assuming I hadn’t already done that. I couldn’t bring myself to actually look at him, knowing the worry in his eyes would only fuel the guilt that threatened to drown me.

How many more moments with Spencer would be ruined? Why couldn’t I just leave my past behind and move on?

I reminded myself that what happened wasn’t my fault, but every time the memories were triggered, that’s how I felt.

I slowed my breathing until I had it under control. “Thank you. I’m so sorry.”

Spencer pulled away but only slightly so that he had a better view of my face. He looked astonished. “You have absolutely nothing to apologize for.”

“I know, it’s just that I want this, I want you, and of course my problems have to get in the way.”

“Don’t say that,” he said as I sat up a little, letting him cradle me in his arms. “We can take it slow.”

“I know, but I’m tired of taking it slow. I’m tired of not going after what I want because I’m scared. I'm tired of letting this get in the way,” I said, forcing myself to bite back the tears. He looked at me with as much sympathy as he could.

“What do you want me to do?” he whispered, concern swimming in his eyes.

I sat completely up and kissed him, letting my hands roam his body. He stayed perfectly still, careful not to do anything that would upset me. Without pulling away from the kiss, I gripped his hands from behind my back and placed them on my hips. He kept them there, unmoving, as my hands went to cup his face. I relocated my lips, planting a kiss on each of his sharp cheekbones.

“Close your eyes,” I told him, placing a gentle kiss on top of each eyelid. I pressed my forehead to his, letting our noses slightly rub against each other’s. “I want you.”

Spencer opened his eyes, looking right through me, making sure that this was what was truly going through my mind. He moved his hands from my hips, putting one on my lower back and the other behind my neck. He carefully laid me back down on his bed, moving back in between my legs. I wrapped them around his body trying to show him that it was okay, but I knew him better than that and he’d still be hesitant. Because he was nothing like those men.

I looked him straight in the eyes as I whispered, “I’m alright. I trust you.”

It was his turn to be on the teary-eyed end of this conversation. I brushed away his tears before they could fall and he promised me, “I would never hurt you.”

“I know.”

For the second time that day, he bent over and kissed the scar between my breasts. He looked up at me, eyes still glistening. “You are so strong.”

I didn’t feel strong and I wanted to break down, melt into nothing in his arms, but I forced myself to stay composed. I knew it was too much to ask of him but if there was one person on this planet that I could get over his hurdle with, it was Spencer Reid.

He looked at me expectantly. I took a deep breath and said, “I’m ready.”

Slowly, even slower than before if that was possible, he pushed back into me. My head swam from the overwhelming mixture of emotions.

He gauged my reaction, and after a few moments, decided to start moving a little faster. “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” I said. “I want you to take control.”

He was about to ask me something, probably if I was sure, but he thought better of it. “Please just tell me if you need me to stop. I don’t want you to push yourself past what you’re ready for.”

“I won’t. I’ll tell you if it gets to that,” I replied.

Soon enough, he started getting faster and faster, continually checking if I was okay. I wanted him to stop worrying about me, which I knew was impossible, but put my hands in his hair and pulled him down to my chest anyway. I took away his option of looking at me, and tugged at his beautiful, chaotic, wavy locks when he hit that spot just right. In doing so, I gave myself greater access to his neck and I took full advantage, biting and sucking at various spots. I could feel him every time he thrust into me and I moved to start lightly biting at his traps, trying to stifle my moans against his skin. He kept pushing deeper and deeper into me, and I scraped my nails all the way down his back. He grunted slightly at the stinging I was sure followed, but I was too busy paying attention to the fingers that were now circling my clit. I was close to my second orgasm, but I held out, wanting to wait for Spencer. In my efforts, I had to put my head back on the pillow, looking almost directly behind me. My nails found anything they could sink into, surly leaving marks down his sides and biceps. My breath quickened as my legs started to tremble. I licked my lips and bit my bottom one, trying to hold out for any sign that he would be right behind me. His thrusts finally became sloppy and he looked down at me, seeming to know that I was waiting for him.

“Let go,” he said, the sound of his voice the missing piece I’d been waiting for. My walls clenched around him and he emptied himself, our fluids mixing together inside me. My moans were on the brink of screams as he helped us both ride out the orgasms that washed over us. Once we had both returned to earth, he just stayed hovering over me, not making a move to pull out. I just looked up at his glowing figure, letting out a sigh of relief.

“What’s that for?” His tone was gentle.

“It’s just that you are the first person I have ever actually wanted to have sex with,” I said, the realization also hitting me.

His eyes got huge and he seemed astounded. “What?”

“Yeah,” I said, giving him a shy smile. “And you helped me through one of the biggest hurdles I have ever experienced.”

He mirrored my smile pulling out, and walked to his bathroom to get a towel. The same towel I’d dried off with earlier that day. Had it really only been this morning that I was showering with him?

He spread my legs again, wiping our mess off of me. When he was done, he just dropped the towel on the floor, mumbling something about picking it up in the morning, and came to lay down next to me. He rolled onto his side to face me and winced.

“Oh yeah. How is it?”

“Fine,” he said, struggling onto his back again.

“Wrong.”

“It is fine. I just can’t lay on that side of my body.”

Without another word, I got up from my side of the bed and walked around to his side. I laid down facing him, giving him the opportunity to roll onto his good side.

“Thank you.”

“Mhm,” I replied. I gazed at him dreamily, still not fully able to comprehend what had just happened.

“I’m surprised you didn’t want control,” he whispered after a while of silence.

“I don’t want control. I’m sick of being in control. I just want to let go. I want to not have to worry about the walls I’ve put up, knowing that there is someone I trust, someone other than myself, taking care of me for the moment. I mean, sometimes I don’t even think I’m doing a good job taking care of me,” I complained, and he nodded in understanding. “I know you’re the opposite.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean that you like being in control. I can tell that sometimes you feel like things in your life are just slipping away from you, and this is a place where you can try to counter that feeling.”

He just nodded, seeming almost embarrassed by that, but it was nothing to be ashamed of. We laid side by side just facing each other, Spencer’s hand tracing the curves of my body. He eventually broke pattern and traced along my collarbone and down to the scar he seemed to have a slight fascination with.

“It commemorates the end of an era for me. The end of the gang, and the last time I was ever taken advantage of,” I explained.

“You don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to,” I took a shaky breath in and looked into his soft eyes. He knew in a general sense some of the things I’d been through, and he knew more than anyone else in my life, but I’d never told him in detail what happened. Actually, I’d never told anyone. This was something I kept closed up in the depths of my mind, but he’d already seen some of it, and I trusted him to see all of it. It might be nice, too, to not have to deal with everything alone for once. I rubbed my thumb into my palm as I started, “There was a group of men in the gang that targeted me, probably because I was young and naive. I didn’t know how gangs worked. The only thing I knew was that if you wanted to survive, you had to get to the top. The head of this clique was the right hand to Rafael, the leader of the entire gang, so angering him, refusing him, wasn’t an option. They were a messed up sort of protection system. They would come to my rescue out on the streets, only to turn back around and make me pay for it. They had me believing that I had no way out, that I would die without their protection. Plus, Rafael trusted this man with his life, so him and his buddies weren’t going anywhere. And neither was I. I had nowhere to go, so I did nothing. It’s not like Rafael was going to listen to me over him anyway. So when he passed me around to all of his friends like I was nothing more than a blunt, I didn’t fight them. I couldn’t. All fighting did was get me beat beforehand, and I figured that it was bad enough without their fists involved. After that, they would drug me and force me to …” I choked on the words and decided I’d skip over that part. I didn’t want to paint that image into his perfect memory and have him think of it every time he saw me. “Once things started going awry for the gang and we all knew we were going under soon, he and his friends got more frustrated which meant they needed an outlet more than ever. But because things were going to be over soon, I started fighting back harder than I ever had. On the night before the gang officially crumbled, he gave me this. He told me that I wasn’t going to be able to escape the sinking ship this time. I’d made it out of so many near-death experiences at that point, the Storefront Slaughterer, the house fire, gang conflicts, police conflicts, and imprisonment, unscathed, that he thought this would finally be the hill I died on. He sliced me open like the animals he hunted, hoping that I’d bleed out. For a while, this ruined me, everyday waking up and remembering everything that was associated with it,” I admitted. It made me feel like other men, good men like Spencer, would look at me and see that I was weak and broken, driving them away. He put it right in the center, which felt like he was destroying the center of my soul, draining the love straight out of my heart. “Sometimes it still does that, but I'm trying to get better. Every time I see it now, I remind myself that I survived,” I pressed his hand flat to my chest, allowing him to feel the rhythmic beating below, “that I do have a heart pumping blood through my veins, that I am only human, and that I am stronger because of it.”

He leaned in to kiss me and I faded into him, our hands still pressed against my bare chest. I was thankful he didn’t say anything, instead pulling me to him, beginning to fuse my broken pieces back together as he did so. He left a pile of moppy brown curls in my face and I reached my free hand up to play with the loose ones on the edges, not willing to risk losing the warmth of his hand on my chest by moving mine. I shifted onto my back and Spencer barely opened his eyes, wondering what I was doing. I guided his head onto my shoulder as he curled into me, both of us quickly falling asleep after the emotionally draining day.

End of the sexual abuse section. All other warnings still apply

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

I woke up to find that neither of us changed position throughout the night, sleeping soundly with our hands still stacked over my heart. I moved my other hand from his hair, brushing my fingertips over his back, over his side, over his hip bone, ending with my hand resting on his lower stomach. We had both slept nude, the sheets a disaster around us. I didn’t even notice he was awake until I felt his hair streak across my body.

“Good morning,” he said, voice groggy.

“Good morning,” I responded through a yawn.

He sat up and I saw the red marks my nails left on his body. I caressed my fingertips over the sensitive spots and got up on my knees behind him, mumbling into his hair, “I hope I didn’t scrape you up too badly.”

He reached over his shoulders and guided my hands from his back over onto his chest. I crossed them over his body, embracing him from behind.

“No. I like them,” he said way too innocently. I smiled to myself and leaned around him to kiss his temple before I untangled myself from him.

We both got dressed (barely), and operated our day as usual. The mandatory two weeks was coming to a close soon, so we both absorbed as much of this peaceful alternate universe as we could. Hotch was right. We both desperately needed time off.

But there is no better way to end ‘vacation time’ than to be in a panic.

Ever since that night, we both slept together in his bed. I think we both really enjoyed having the safety and comfort of the other around as much as possible.

Sunday night before we were supposed to return to work on Monday, I woke up to an empty bed. I listened to see if I heard Spencer somewhere else in the apartment, and when I didn’t, I got up to check. I went to the bathroom, the kitchen, even his tiny balcony and he was nowhere to be found.

“Spencer?” I called out.

No response.

“Spencer!”

Where the hell is he?

My mind started to work frantically and I looked around for my phone. The adrenaline coursing through me made my hands shake as I dialed his number. I took a couple deep breaths, knowing that he was probably fine and would be back soon.

That thought changed when I heard a faint ringing in the background.

No, no, no, no.

I raced to where I heard the ringing, finding his phone left under a stack of papers on his desk. My mind went to the worst places of what could have happened, what could be happening. I quickly threw on my sweatshirt and slipped on a pair of shoes, and hurried out the door. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was thinking I’d do. It’s not like I could just wander the streets looking for him. I got about halfway down the stairs, practically running Spencer over.

“Aundreya! What are you doing?”

“I could ask you the same question!” I retorted, exasperated.

“I couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to bother you with my restlessness. I just walked down to the street for some fresh air,” he replied. My mind was working 100 miles an hour so I couldn’t gauge how truthful that was.

“What the hell!’” I whacked his arm. “I was worried and you left your phone in the apartment.”

“I’m sorry. I thought I’d be back before you woke up,” he said. He sounded honest enough and I couldn’t think of anything else he’d be doing. Except…

“Show me your arms,” I demanded. He sighed but rolled up his sleeves. I examined his arms and then his eyes, looking for any sign of drug use. I forced him to empty his pockets, making sure he didn’t have any drugs still on him.

“I promise you that I was not taking dilaudid,” he said. I looked straight into his eyes, trying to detect any hint of a lie.

When I found none I said, “Alright. Let’s get back upstairs. We can still try and get another four hours of sleep before we have to wake up again to go to work.”

When we got back to his room, I was still shaking from the adrenaline. Luckily, the release from knowing that nothing had happened made me quite tired. He slipped into bed next to me.

“You know, I really enjoy work and the people we work with, but I have to say these last two weeks with you were amazing,” he murmured.

“I agree. I’m going to miss this,” I replied.

“Mhm.”

“No one can know about this.”

“I know. I don’t want them to.”

I squinted my eyes open. “I know we’d get into trouble, but why wouldn’t you want them to know?”

“I like this space we’ve created. I don’t want anyone else encroaching on it, tainting it. I like having this just be between you and me.”

You and me.

I liked the sound of that.

Taglist (open)

@justanothetfangirl

[ashleyswrittenwords]

Correlation Doesn’t Imply Causation

Another Zelink Oneshot

Commissioned by @truffeart :)

Post-BOTW fluff with needless angst mixed in

--------------------

It took time for the people of Hateno to warm up to the presence of the Princess with the blood of the goddess. They were folks of the countryside where the strangest occurrences had been the occasional Goron traveller or the time a youngster swore up and down that one of the cattle could speak. Miffed hadn’t covered their wonder when the mysterious young man who had brought the decaying house by the cliffs brought home a wide-eyed blonde who suspiciously met the description of the fabled princess. 

The man had only stayed in the house for short periods of time, typically buying out Pruce’s stock of arrows and visiting the odd scientist at the peak of the village. A wild, insatiable heart for adventure was something to be expected and the older gossip mongers suspected he would bring back a woman from his travels. What they hadn’t expected was his bashful admittance the day after to Ivee and her mother that he was last century’s fallen hero, that Calamity had been vanquished, and that Princess Zelda was resting in his house.

When one person knows something in Hateno, everyone does.

Initially, it was something Zelda worried extensively about. One-hundred years. Would she be out of touch? Even worse, would they see her as a monster? During her excessive ramblings, the latter question made Link do a double take and immediately steer her off the topic. He had been awake for a little over a year and reassured her that the people of Hateno were harmless, but for the first couple weeks he didn’t dispute her flimsy excuses to stay in the home when he went out on short errands.

Actually, he was very supportive of her. Link’s love for cooking had turned into more of a passion and he had easily taken the mantle of the house chef. She could tell he allowed her to do menial tasks like dicing onions so she could feel helpful, and it worked. While out to gather ingredients for meals, he brought back gardening and sewing supplies to supplement her time; even taking her measurements and returning with three colorful Hateno dresses.

And Zelda was thankful, so thankful that after two weeks she let Link introduce her to the people he knew. She had slinked a couple paces behind him, uncomfortable by the stares once they reached the main road. Amira, the wife of the general store owner, had laughed during their brief introduction, “Nack was going around spreading rumors that you glowed in the dark. I don’t suppose that’s true?”

With a wobbly smile, Zelda affirmed that it hadn’t been true. The day got easier after that. People realized they weren’t going to witness anything other than a socially anxious girl and went about their chores as if nothing happened. Of course, she also dissuaded formal titles and told them she wanted to be a normal person for as long as possible before piecing together the kingdom that had already been underway by the Sheikah.

The days went by slow, but the months sped by her. Before she knew it, Link had woken her up to the smell of herbal tea and fruitcake - sweets in the morning had always been her guilty pleasure.

“Happy three months,” Link said with a hum as he set out some plates.

Blearily, she smiled and took a seat at the table to watch him work. “Has it really been that long?”

He barely nodded. “Official this evening.”

She observed him from behind. A soft hum smoothed over their silence and she allowed herself to enjoy this less guarded Link. He talked more often. It seemed to come naturally to him now.

Zelda let herself melt into the wooden chair and thanked herself for making patterned seat cushions. It wasn’t uncommon that she took in her surroundings, comparing what she lost to what she has now. Materially, it was a deficit but never did she feel so complete. There was no real goal other than to just be. 

They ate in a comfortable silence, both still wearing what they slept in.

When noon rolled around, she disappeared upstairs to pull on a deep green dress with sewn in flower patterns and jotted down a list of items to pick up from East Wind. 

“Do you not wish to accompany me?” she asked, tying a rupee pouch to her belt. There wasn't any accusation in her voice, merely simple curiosity due to his affinity to keeping by her side. And, admittedly, she did enjoy his company.

“As much as I do,” he grumbled shortly as he tapped the Sheikah slate repeatedly. “Impa sent a letter last week that travelling merchants were having bokoblin issues in the mountain pass.”

Link wore his riding trousers and a simple Hylian tunic. Without words, they had both understood that she had claimed his Champion tunic to sleep in after days of mending. Her heart sank, it meant the shrines weren’t working today and he would need to ride horseback.

He seemed to read her mind, reaching to thread his fingers passed her ear and through her shortened locks. A commonality after she decided thigh-length hair wasn’t practical anymore.

“I should be back at nightfall. Will… you be okay?”

It was a question born of genuine concern despite the knowledge that she was fully capable of cooking and caring for herself, but he needed that affirmation for himself and she was fully willing to allow him that. When she nodded, he pulled away and she mourned the loss of warmth. Zelda forced the corners of her lips upward. The sight reassured him.

“Be careful,” she chided once he packed a small bag and swung onto his horse. Link looked down at her, grinning as if he knew something she did not. “I mean it. Don’t do anything rash.”

“I know,” he breathily said, “I won’t.”

The manner in the way he spoke sounded like her nagging had caused him great exhaustion, which elicited a playful swat at his leg. 

“Tonight?” she said, sounding more like a statement than a question.

Unwavering cobalt eyes fixated on her. A chaste nod. They didn’t say much more by the time he secured the reins in one hand and urged the horse into a slight trot. Soon he was over the bridge and down the road. By the time she retrieved her basket, he had long disappeared into the Hateno woods.

Autumn made herself known in the tree leaves that were displaced by Zelda’s steps and the chill that bit her cheeks. She fell in love with the season all over again. Ivee’s voice was clear as day once she stepped on the village road. Two people on horseback road passed her towards the inn up ahead. They politely nodded to the woman as she shouted out today’s discounts and carried on their way.

Ivee grimaced at their backs and stiffened at Zelda’s footsteps. Suddenly, with a bright smile, she twisted around to ring out a warm invitation.

Zelda offered a weak wave when the greeter’s face fell. “Sorry.”

The store owner’s daughter waved her apology away with a sigh and continued sweeping away fallen leaves from the doorstep. “Don’t be. Dad’s been on me more about getting newcomers in before the first snow.”

“Is business bad?” she asked, taking a glance about the area. There were more people than usual. 

“Quite the opposite, it’s our busiest season,” Ivee pursed her lips in thought before gesturing towards the door with a scowl. “He’s always like this. Thinkin’ we’re missing out on customers if I don’t lose my voice by sunset.”

Zelda’s shoulders bounced with silent laughter as Ivee leaned back on her heels to wipe sweat from her brow.

“I saw Link leave not too long ago,” the brunette raised her brow. “Seemed to be in a hurry.”

A shrug was Zelda’s answer as she said, “I suppose Kakariko is having a monster problem and, well, you know how he is.”

She grinned wryly, “Can’t ignore a damsel in distress?”

The basket swung with Zelda’s idle swaying and she rolled her eyes. “Oh, no,” she considered, then remembered why she came by. “Have the truffles been restocked?”

“I’m afraid not,” Ivee pouted, “I tried to save some yesterday before they sold out again, but Dad nearly lost his head.”

“I appreciate the thought, Ivee,” Zelda hummed in contemplation. She’d have to do something else for dinner.

The woman looked down, then hazel eyes shot up to hers with an idea.

“Nikki’s daughters go truffle hunting down in the lower forest. Such troublemakers, those girls,” Ivee mumbled the latter notion under her breath. “But now that moblins aren’t as much of an issue, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you tagged along.”

“I’d love to, but Link has still been wary about me straying too far from the village. I’d rather not give him a heart attack.” And Zelda wasn’t too keen on wandering far without him; the Yiga were still active on the roads outside the village. Until now, they were careful to keep a low profile.

Ivee sighed and leaned on her broom. Wistfully, she smiled, “I wish I had a protective husband like you. You would think I could find a respectable man already, but everyone our age in this town has the maturity of a child.”

The basket in Zelda’s hands froze mid-sway. “I beg your pardon?”

She didn’t seem to notice the change in the blonde’s body language and went on to stare off, “Link is so protective of you. Zelda, you’re lucky to have snatched up a man like that early on. I’m starting to think I’m either horribly unlucky or Calamity Ganon made them extinct.”

Surely her ears weren’t mistaken. 

Husband?

Snatched up?

The woven wood splints of the basket handle dug into her palm, but she carefully guarded her expression - a testament to her upbringing. 

“There’s plenty of agreeable men in the village garrison,” she said, trying to shrug off the odd feeling. “I can make Link put in a good word for you.”

Ivee quirked her lips to the side, “I don’t know, Zee… but honestly I have nothing to lose. Will being into soldier types make me as smart as you?”

They laughed it off and Zelda politely excused herself with a slight stiffness. From East Wind, she picked up grains and milk while making sure to leave a good report to Pruce of Ivee’s behalf. On her way out, Pruce chuckled.

“Send my regards to your better half!”

Her brows scraped the highest reaches of her forehead, but Zelda quickly reeled herself in and sent a bright smile behind her. As she walked down the road with the sales shouting of Ivee behind her, she felt the shock of their assumptions settle into a stark warmth against the chill air.

There were several variables that insinuated… a very misconstrued aspect of her relationship with Link. The tips of Zelda’s ears flared. But, no, she was a scientist and understood that correlation did not mean causation. It could simply be an assumption drawn from Amira and Pruce’s household only. 

“Zelda!” 

She jumped at the hiss, spinning towards its direction and coming face to face with Nikki. The woman gripped her wrist and dragged her around the corner of a house. Then, Amira popped up from behind a barrel.

“You’re good!” she loudly whispered. “He didn’t notice.”

“Who didn’t notice?” Zelda said, making Nikki momentarily panic when her voice was too loud for her liking. The antics of the two women were fairly normal, but this situation was entirely new.

Amira, who was glaring around the bend, appeared again with shifty eyes. “There’s a man going around asking nearly every woman on a date.”

Nikki puffed out her chest victoriously. “You’re lucky. He got distracted by the innkeeper’s daughter. He kept going on about boots. His boots this, his boots that. My goodness, he’s fortunate he didn’t pull that on me. My Nacky would have let him have it.”

“O-Oh,” Zelda exchanged glances between the two of them. “Thank you.”

“Absolutely, darling,” Amira proudly declared. “We wouldn’t want Link running around trying to find the man who wanted to steal you from him, now would we? It’d be bad for business.”

Before Zelda knew it, she was nodding vehemently. “Yes, I know what you mean.”

She most certainly did not know what they meant. At all. Quickly, she bid them a good day and began her way up the slopes to the Sheikah lab. Despite Amira and Nikki’s warning, the boot man never appeared to steal her away.

Purah’s squeaky voice was heard above the ticking of gears as Zelda pushed open the doors. Calculating brown eyes met hers, “I was wondering if you’d ever visit me.”

“I was here yesterday.”

She still appeared to be a child, but Zelda noticed she was taller than the prior day. From her stool, she squinted down into the cavernous body of a small guardian. It had long been deactivated by Link before he defeated Calamity Ganon, and Zelda was set to use it for a better purpose than rotting in a junkyard. 

The Sheikah waved her off, “Did your potion make only my mind older because I distinctly remember Symin being the only one here.”

Symin barely looked up from a diagram, “She was here for four hours, Purah.”

All the scientist did was hum a tune. Zelda helped herself to the desk space she had occupied a day before. Scattered across it were miscellaneous notes in Zelda and Purah’s handwriting. Small illustrations were more prevalent in Purah’s more recent studies. At least her physical form was growing older and the blonde was quick to scribble down her observations. 

Beyond that, however, Zelda grew relentlessly distracted. Any progress was dashed when she remembered how they referred to Link. Three desperate attempts to read through the same paragraph were thwarted by the time she slammed the book shut, unable to get the notion of being married out of her head.

Husband. Husband? That would make her his wife, logically. But what wasn’t logical would be the ability to fathom this idea in the first place.

“Symin,” she suddenly said, catching the larger man’s attention. He swiveled a bit in his stool to face her.

“Do you need another reference?” He was referring to the Guardian mandible in his lap.

Zelda shook her head before choosing her words carefully. 

“What are your thoughts on marriage?”

“Um,” Symin wrinkled his nose and gazed up at the ceiling above. “Uh, I have very little on the subject. Why ask me?”

“Don’t hit on my assistant, Zelly,” Purah’s voice echoed from within the Guardian body she was dismantling. “I’ll tell on you to Linky.”

That made Zelda place her hands on the table and partially stand. The metal parts lying on her skirt clattered to the ground. 

 “So, you think we’re married too?” She was louder than she usually was with a tone of finality. 

Symin nearly gawked, “You aren’t?”

“No!”

“You aren’t?” Purah echoed, popping her white head of hair out of the sea of wheels and cogs.

“Purah you should know this!”

“Zelly, you must know old women don’t poke their noses into other people’s business! Consider it an educated guess.”

Zelda groaned, falling back into her seat with her head in her hands.

The researcher’s assistant beside her shifted awkwardly in his seat.

“Well,” he started, then stopping and starting again. “It must have been another dramatization when the story began spreading across Hyrule.”

“What’s the story say then?” she said, defeat in her stature and embarrassment on her cheeks. “I might as well know how it was told.”

Purah had fully reemerged now, her clothes stained from oil. She wriggled onto the table. “Something something, before the Princess’s birthday,” she sang, “the goddesses something something and under the watchful eye of Hylia they eloped or whatever.”

“We eloped?”

“I don’t know!” Purah threw up her short arms. “That’s what the bird said!”

“Look,” Symin steered her away from his mentor. “Maybe it’d be best if you got home and explained it to Link before he hears it from someone else.”

She considered it. He was right. Zelda should rip the bandaid off early on, then the awkwardness could pass faster.

Right? 

“I will say, I was hurt that I wasn’t invited,” Purah pouted, handing Zelda her basket. “But remember that when there’s a real wedding.”

She didn’t have the emotional energy to argue at that point.

It had been hours since she had ascended the cliff and now the impending sunset brought dropping temperatures. The clouds over the sea hadn’t lightened her mood either.

By the time Zelda returned home, night had fallen outside and it caused her to assume that Link was wise enough to spend it in Kakariko. He knew she didn’t like the thought of him riding past dusk.

She waited until small bubbles manifested over the sea of oil and melted the butter for her mind to wander. It wasn’t… imposterous to make inferences based on their interactions. After all, they had known one another for over one-hundred years (with all minor happenstances abiding). Perhaps it was only natural that they developed their familiar bond.

Zelda had difficulties with darkness and he, with sleep, so it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence that she made herself a space amongst his makeshift pallets by the hearth, nor him in her bed in the loft. How many times has that happened?

Many times. Most nights.

The heat on her face was quickly blamed on the simmering risotto base. Gradually, she stirred in the rice and spices, copying the movements she’s seen Link do before. 

Besides, sleeping together - no, merely sharing the same proximity - was born of necessity. There were plenty of activities a married couple performed that they didn’t. Nikki and Nack called one another the most egregious nicknames. Zelda nodded to herself, stirring the contents of the pan with fervor. That was something they never did.

They were comfortable roommates. Who slept together on the occasion.

And who shared lingering touches when words didn’t suffice. 

She was wary to confess the feelings she harbored for those small moments when he’d brush the side of her cheek and down the length of her hair; the only times she regretted her dubious haircut. And maybe she did enjoy the opportunities to remind him to shave by cupping his cheek in her hand. Thrill wedged itself in her heart when he leaned further into her touch.

Discomfort sat at the bottom of her stomach. Zelda frowned deeply. The familiar sensation of impending disappointment ebbed at her.

The door at the head of the room clambered open, revealing the sheets of rain falling from the heavens. Boots stomped a couple steps on the hard-wood and the door shut more gently than it opened. 

“I’m sorry,” a chilled, but deeply familiar voice said. “I’m late.”

Zelda sat back on her haunches, taking Link in as he peeled off his sopping cloak. His shoulders shook as the rain had long set into his clothes.

“Link,” she whined. “Hylia above, what have I told  you about riding in the rain? Especially in this weather!”

“I know,” he grinned wryly at her from across the room. “And I nearly rented a room, but then goddesses told me you were cooking tonight.”

She would have chastised him further and ran to grab him an extra change of clothes, but her previous thoughts pounded in the back of her brain and the steady bubbling of risotto kept her in her place.

“You’re too much for me,” she huffed, barely looking at him. “Can you check to see if this is done?”

Suddenly, his breath was right next to her ear. “I’ll move out anytime you want me to.” 

A pause.

“It’s perfect, Zel.”

Her hand stilled in its stirring. There went the nickname criteria.

Zelda caught his eye and his amused expression deflated slightly. She blinked, “This is your house.” 

A small crease formed between is brow. “And?”

“And,” she emphasized, “you’re going to catch a chill in your own home if you don’t change.”

Link didn’t move immediately and she could feel his stare, but eventually he relented to her nagging. She could hardly hear him shuffle about the room once his boots were removed. When Zelda pulled the pan from the fire, he was descending down the loft in a simple cloth shirt and trousers.

“Did I do something?” he said, idling by the foot of the stairs.

That had made her brow furrow and her frown to deepen. 

“No,” she nonchalantly answered, throwing down a potholder on the table with more force than needed.

He eyed her from the cabinet and pulled out a couple plates.

“I am fine,” she copied his stare and could tell the question was on the tip of his tongue. Still, he held her gaze from across the room. Zelda pressed the appropriate silverware onto the placemats.

“Link, stop that. I’m fine.”

When he closed the distance to put the appropriate plates on their mats, he hadn’t yielded to her reassurances and took note on the way she stepped away to give him extra room.

Annoyance wormed into Zelda’s chest and she dimly noticed that this manner of interrogation was used before.

“Have I done anything?” Link asked again, genuinely this time. “Because I’m sorry if I worried you.”

It was a wonder how this was the same man who could take on three lynels at once. She only knew because she’s seen it. The fire was there when he stared down Ganon after a year of waking up from a century of slumber, it hadn’t stifled the flame in his eyes. But now, he was careful with her. The blue of his eyes was soft, gentle and fully willing to apologize when there was nothing he did wrong.

“No,” she said, forcing herself to match his demeanor because it wasn’t fair for her own troubles to affect him. “No, you haven’t.”

His follow up question didn’t need a voice.

“I heard something in town and,” she stopped to let her stiff shoulders sag. “I don’t think you’ll like it.”

Gods, she sounded like she was a child about to admit to breaking something. As she said the words, she realized that the idea itself hadn’t bothered her. What had bothered her was his potential reaction. 

Zelda could say they were friends, even close friends, but lovers? Spouses? The pull of her heart at the thought scared her.

Disappointment. There would be disappointment in his eyes that would leave her  to hurt.

“They think,” she paused. He tried to take her fidgeting hands in his, but she pulled away and left him dumbfounded. Zelda didn’t like that expression at all on him, only making her more flustered in what to do. 

“Who?” His tone was gentle, like calming a spooked horse.

Zelda breathed in a large breath, “This morning. Ivee and- and Pruce and… Nikki and Nack...”

She trailed off, searching the floor and Link for words.

“The townspeople?” 

Tentatively, she nodded, not quite able to spit out what she needed to say.

Now, he was fully confused. “What do they think? Zelda, I promise you they don’t judge you for what had happened.”

The Calamity. Of course he would be thinking she was worried about that with how aloof her mannerisms suddenly were. Assuming he guessed right, his small frown upticked to sympathy.

“They’d never pin that on you. If anything, they warmed up to you more than they did to me.”

He began to tell her about the odd stares he got when he began reconstruction of the house. All the stories that would typically make her laugh, but all she could do with stare at their feet.

“They think we’re married!”

The words that flew from her were unequivocally hers yet her ears could hardly believe it. Link’s lips fell into a small “o” as he took a step back. Shock barely registered on his features, and it made her regret saying anything at all. She hated the way his eyes left hers.

Unsure of what to do, she watched him pace to the opposite wall and back. Never did he meet her gaze in turn for the rafters above. A hand brushed through his damp hair.

He swallowed the remnants of his tales, more softer with a certain disbelief, “Married, huh?”

Her quiet response affirmed him.

If this had been any other situation, she would have poked fun at the way he was behaving. Nothing about him exuded the certain confidence he so often employed in front of her. Lucky was a word she would have used if she managed to confound him like this.

“Ivee was the first to mention it in passing,” Zelda placated. “I thought it was a simple misunderstanding until Pruce then Nikki then Amira until…”

“Until it wasn’t so simple,” he finished for her. She smoothed a piece of hair behind her ear with a nod.

They fell back into a quietness. Some of Link’s shock gave way for, what she assumed, a reluctant acceptance.

The risotto was growing cold and neither had the stomach to point it out.

Zelda wasn’t ignorant about her feelings. However, she knew she was a coward. Before the Calamity, she had an understanding of why his name suddenly filled up the pages of her diary. Back then, Link had a silent charm to him that let her be herself for a short moment. It enraptured her. But she also had an excuse to never admit it. 

Now, she had nothing to hide behind. No Calamity Ganon was going to drag her away from the man who was obviously embarrassed to be seen as her husband.

“Married?” he asked again, as if she hadn’t confirmed it for the umpteenth time. He was leaning against the table with his hand rubbing his neck.

“Yes, Link,” she was growing frustrated. “They think we’re… you know.”

Then, he looked up. “Is that a bad thing?”

Link’s eyes swept the room at her startled reaction. “Well,” he said with a raised brow and a small shake of his head. “If you’re completely against it then I am too, but-”

Then, to her absolute surprise, he shrugged. “It’s not horrible.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” there was defensiveness in his voice, “that other people assuming I’m married isn’t the worst rumor in the world.”

Now Zelda was thoroughly convinced he had stumbled upon a pub on his way home. “You do realize that it would mean I would be your wife.”

His shrug was more grandiose this time. “And I would be your husband.”

By then, the room was much dimmer. The fire lacked wood and Zelda hadn’t had time to think about lighting candles. She could make out his features, but could hardly read them.

“So, you’re not mad?”

Link wasn’t leaning on the table anymore. The action made her feel closer to him. 

“Why would I be mad at you?”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Not at me. The rumor.”

There was hesitation in his movements, but he crossed the little amount of space between them. “Honestly? It makes sense why more people haven’t outwardly hit on you.”

That comment made her let out a short laugh.

“But no,” he said; she could hear his smile. “I’m not mad… not at all.”

Link’s approach was slower than usual, but she opened up to his enticing pulls that evolved into a gentle embrace.

There were many doubts Zelda harbored. Most old, some new. To her, they were indistinguishable. Yet, all were forgotten, if only for a little while when he held her close in his arms.

When she bunched the cloth of his shirt in her hands, she felt him shiver. 

“You’re going to catch a cold,” Zelda muttered.

All he did was hold her closer. 

[solecize]

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘. you never forget your first love. sometimes you don’t want to. other times, you can’t. 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. yuta x reader 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄. fluff / angst / high school au 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. mature language, death, mentions of a car accident, violence and verbal abuse 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓. 7.7k words 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒. i finished this at 5am so its a little wonky and definitely not proofread

FOURTEEN.

the sun barely peaked out from the far horizon of the osaka skyline and the sweet smell of morning dew filled your lungs. a heavy backpack weighing down your shoulders, you hated walking to school in the mornings. clunk. clunk. clunk. the sound of your shoes drumming against the pavement guiding your path became a steady rhythm and your concerns of the day to come drowned within them; a physics test in the morning, a presentation at the end of the day, and the fact that you forgot to pack yourself a lunch. again. these thoughts settled into a roaming and wandering pace as you made your way to school.

wisps of golden rays broke though and in between branches and houses that you strolled past. specifically, the one house that you continuously walked back and forth in front of. ‘come on,’ you thought, waiting for the right moment. this routine that you’d been practicing since elementary school occurred at the almost exact same time every single time.

then, you heard the front door click. with that, you rushed back a couple steps and ignored the army marching through your chest. punctual as ever, yuta was ready. thankfully for you, that meant that you could ‘casually’ run into him on your way to school and walk together. that was the only thing you liked about walking in the mornings.

“oh, hey. good morning.” yuta bore a small smile, as he looked at you over his shoulder and locked the front door. the boy had yet to caught on to the fact that your presence was suspiciously always on time for him to exit his house.

your expression lit up when the eyes of the boy who you so deeply admired met yours. “good morning, yuta.” your smile leapt to your eyes.

as he did every morning, he jogged his way over to where you were and began walking at your side. the mere presence of him just an elbow’s touch away caused the bottom of your stomach to not just do backflips, but an entire gymnastic routine. somehow, you managed to catch your breath.

SIXTEEN. 

“and then, he went all ‘bang!’” your hands waved wildly, the words were overflowing from your lips and the rush of adrenaline still fresh in your veins.

miho watched you with a single raised eyebrow, half used to your antics, but was still bewildered at your longstanding crush on soccer star nakamoto yuta. even under the dim streetlights of that hazy and humid september evening, the rogue flush glowing at the apples of your cheeks was too obvious. she simply giggled and looped her arm around yours.

the narrow streets were littered with clusters of students from your school, laughter and chatter being heard from a mile away. the joyous buzz in the air was due to the soccer game that just occurred against the team’s arch rivals, which was won in a last minute dramatic fashion. the saviour of the night? he was walking towards you.

wait, what?

although surrounded by other team members clad in navy blue tracksuits, yuta easily stood out. everyone and anyone bombarded the guy as soon as he came within sight, wanting to congratulate and praise him for his talent and efforts. for some reason, though, there was a different gleam of purpose in his bright eyes.

your heartbeat quickened, but your steady walking pace remained. this was mostly due to miho’s pointed look, as she saw the way you nearly froze up at the sight of yuta—as you always did. up until this point, you weren’t sure what got to you. his charming smile, his kind heart, the way he poured passion into everything he did . . .you were a goner. however, you also had a pile of homework waiting for you when you got home and couldn’t slow down for him, who probably had a celebration to get to.

still, that didn’t change the fact that yuta was making a beeline in your direction. you thought you were imagining it, until you heard him call your name. then, a second time. at this point, you turned around without even realizing that you’d lost control of your body.

“oof—” he ran straight into you the moment you turned around. you wobbled for a second, but yuta’s strong arms caught you almost instantly.

his eyes widened. “oh, shit, i’m so sorry—”

“—no, it’s, um, it’s okay, really!” you exclaimed and wanted to shrivel up when you realized how high your voice became. miho snickered behind you, but you ignored it.

a grin stretched across yuta’s face and the butterflies in your stomach awoke. something about his presence, his spirit lit a spark inside of you. he absentmindedly ran a hand through his hair and opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it and proceeded to play with the words on the tip of his tongue. you weren’t sure what was going on.

yuta asked, “did you enjoy the game?” at this point, he was full on ignoring the passerbys, save for the polite head nod for the congratulations he was receiving. all of his attention was on you.

“yeah, of course,” you nodded, maybe a little too vigorously. “you were really great out there. i mean it.”

“couldn’t have done it without my trusted medic.”

FIFTEEN.

you weren’t sure how exactly you were coaxed into this, but it seemed to have happened in the blink of an eye. everyone in your study group slowly began to flow out of yuta’s home, until it was just the two of you and studying wasn’t the main priority anymore. you weren’t in any rush to go home, considering your home was just a five minute walk away, and, of course, not wanting to pass up the opportunity to spend time with yuta.

“i don’t think i’m exactly fit for this,” you told him nervously, as he lead you onto the empty street by hand.

the evening went from homework to goofing around on youtube. the two of you had been exchanging music and favourite artists, which finally came down to stumbling across soccer clips. yuta then had the brilliant idea of teaching you soccer after you reminded him how much you loathed sports. for whatever reason, that brought you here.

yuta scoffed. “trust me, you’ll get the hang of it easily.”

the breeze blew softly, a relief on a hot summer night like this one. you sighed at the humidity and watched yuta. he dropped the soccer ball onto the ground and it hummed against the concrete, as he started to dribble it.

“you gotta pass with the inside of your foot,” he explained, though you were a little too mesmerized by his gorgeous calf muscles. “like this!” yuta demonstrated and passed the ball over to you like second nature.

somehow, you managed to stop the ball. it had to be either luck or the fear that it was going to crash into one of mrs. nakamoto’s potted plants. your eyes widened in shock. considering you could barely walk without tripping, this was an accomplishment.

he beamed. “great, now pass it over to me.”

what was intended to be a soft, gentle pass ended up being a hard kick to the, well, danger zone. it all happened so fast and before you knew it, the ball hit him with a loud smack! and yuta was trying to resist doubling over. his face contorted and body folded over in swallowed down pain, wincing.

you gasped and rushed over, endless apologies coming out. “oh my god, ohmygod, ohmy—”

“it’s okay, it’s okay!” yuta was gasping for air and you wrapped your arm around his shoulders, trying to help him stand up.

despite being in obvious distress, yuta still managed to laugh upon seeing your reaction. he didn’t realize how much he liked being aided to until you went out of your way to help him back inside and give him an ice pack. he didn’t realize how much he liked teaching his favourite thing to another person until he forced you outside and taught the basics of soccer to your clumsy ass.

most importantly, he didn’t realize how much he could like a person until you.

SIXTEEN.

you rolled your eyes, but you were, without a doubt, dying inside knowing that he remembered that day. “ha. hilarious.”

others continued to weave around you two and you were certain that it looked a little odd, probably annoying, that you were just standing in the middle of a crowded sidewalk. even miho had whispered that she would catch up with you later and snuck away. however, yuta didn’t budge.

“can i walk you home? it’s getting dark and i’m sure you can handle yourself, but just to be extra safe. . .” yuta offered and this took you by surprise.

“you guys just won the most important game of the season, isn’t there some sort of team celebration that you have to get to?” you raised your eyebrows, but allowed him to lead the way to your neighbourhood.

he shrugged. “everyone’s tired. besides, i wanted to, erm, talk to you.”

looking behind you, it seemed that the boys from the team were indeed dispersing, but strangely enough, were all looking in your direction. as if being caught red handed in a robbery, they all froze on the spot when they met your eyes and turned the other way immediately. yuta noticed this and grumbled something under his breath, but you didn’t catch it.

“about. . .?”

“uh, well, we’ve been friends for a while now, right?” yuta scratched the back of his neck with a tension in his movement.

shit. he found out about your crush on him. surely, he just wanted to let you down easy or something. you chomped down hard, teeth grinding against each other in pure agony. this was not happening. you managed to nod your head slowly.

he continued, “well, there’s something i’ve been meaning to tell you.” his eyes, full of fire, wandered all over, except to meet yours. “ask you, er, actually.”

you blinked, trying your best to ignore the bubble of hope forming in your chest. “what do you mean?” because there was no way he was talking about what you’d been dreaming of for god knows how long.

he slowed down in his tracks and for a few moments, there was a calm.

“i like you.” yuta finally spat out, the wind knocked out of him and you nearly fell over attempting to halt in your route. “and i wanted to ask if you’d go out with me.”

cashmere moonlight illuminated the aged roads of osaka where joy danced in the air—the joy of victory, youth, and, now, first love. time seemed to suspend just for a few moments and it tasted like fireworks. a round of whoops emerged from where yuta left him teammates behind, but it was all white noise to you.

everything was blurry and unimportant, except for him.

SEVENTEEN.

“why did we invite these two?” miho groaned, watching the two of you from the other side of the room.

it hadn’t even been a minute since entering the karaoke lounge, but you and yuta were already cuddled up in the corner of one of the couches. he had pulled you onto his lap and you let out a loud giggle at the contact. snaking his arms around your waist, you knew that you were not leaving this place for the rest of the night.

yuta raised an eyebrow. “that’s awfully rude. we’re your friends.” his signature cheeky smile formed and you couldn’t help but press a kiss on his cheek.

“you guys have been on this lovey-dovey honeymoon shit for, like, a year now,” one of yuta’s teammates groaned.

“sucks for you guys.” you grinned in response and began flipping through one of the song books.

it was the middle of the summer going into your last year of high school and you were certain of it—you didn’t have a single care in the world. it was the last summer of pure freedom and everyone felt it all around them. it was a ticking time bomb, a countdown that result in late nights out with all of your friends. tonight it brought you to karaoke.

yuta tucked a piece of stray hair behind your ear. “i like this colour on you.” you’d just dyed your hair a few shades lighter than your natural shade a couple of nights ago as apart of a dare. of course, you did it, but the more you looked at it, the worse it seemed to look.

“really?” you raised an eyebrow at him.

“duh. you look good in everything.”

you brought your face close to his ear, so that the conversation could only be heard between the two of you. “you should go sing something.”

“uh, what?” his face scrunched up jokingly, but you gave him a knowing eye.

it started off one day when you were chilling alone, just watching mamma mia on his couch. for whatever reason, yuta knew enough of the songs to be able to sing along. that’s when you discovered his gift of possibly the sweetest, smoothest voice you’ve ever heard. angelic, you insisted, but he was always too shy and didn’t acknowledge it.

since then, you’ve paid extra attention when you catch him singing under his breath, humming, or even just whistling. everyone told him how good he was, but he didn’t even consider it. nevertheless, it was the same glimmer in yuta’s eyes when he sang his favourite song as the one when he was on the field.

suddenly, the weight beneath you shifted. yuta had pushed you off his lap effortlessly, taking the song book. this forced you to stand up on your feet and left you confused.

he beckoned his friend that held the microphones over and took them from him. “what are you doing?” you asked.

“let’s sing a duet, then.” at this, all of your friends cheered in response to this unusual action from yuta. he’d always be the one to just sit in the corner with his drink, hype up everyone else, and maybe give some background vocals in the form of yelling.

“oh, really?” you laughed, not believing what was happening.

“what? i like trying new things with you,” yuta declared with a grin and passed a microphone to you, which you barely caught. “you better keep up.”

the night unfolded just like that, with nineties throwback jams and laughter all around. miho captured the memory on her polaroid and you kept several of these pictures to stow away, probably in some shoebox under your bed. however, for now, you lived these pictures. you lived them with yuta, always pushing each other to your boundaries and always with the best of hearts.

SEVENTEEN.

it started with that one time at the amusement park when you nearly lost your shit at the top of the ferris wheel. then, he noticed the way you squirmed trying to walk across the metal grates downtown where you could see just how deep it went past those holes. you never wanted to join your friends when they would have lunch on the school rooftop.

you had a fear of heights.

one promise was made clear between the two of you at the start of your senior year in high school: to make the best out of it. yuta figured that this meant pushing you to face what scared you the most. this was the first of them.

with a sigh, you suddenly found your shoes to be the most interesting thing in the world. “i really don’t know about this.”

“we took a three hour bus ride to get here and you’re not sure about this?” yuta folded his arms across his chest. “you’re the one that suggested we all go to the beach.”

you gnawed on your bottom lip. “well, yeah, but i meant to go swimming or tan or play volleyball! this—” you beckoned down to the aquamarine ocean line, “—is not what i meant, yuta!”

kicking a piece of rock, it flew right off the edge and deep down into the shore below. you watched it and the distance it made, which only caused you to stiffen up even further. the cliff had to be at least twenty meters high and despite the beautiful crystal waters, it felt like diving into a black hole. your eyes remained glued to the mocha dirt between your feet, as the sight only pumped your blood faster and faster.

yuta chuckled softly and you smacked his arm. “this isn’t funny!”

raising his hands up in defense, he approached you slowly. “come on. you’re the bravest girl i know.” your boyfriend tried to tip your chin up, but you tore in away. “you’ve been telling me for years about how you’ve wanted to get over this.”

“yeah, but we all know i’m a pussy ass bitch.”

he rolled his eyes, but wrapped his arms around you from behind and kissed your temple. “come on. if you do it, i’ll buy you food.”

you scoffed. “you think i’m that easily bought?”

even though he didn’t say a word, the look that yuta gave you was enough to indicate his agreement. you looked between him and the seemingly endless jump that awaited you just a few steps away. squinting at the sun, you let out a loud breath.

“well?” yuta asked hopefully.

you rubbed the ring on your left hand, a habit formed in the confrontation with your nerves, and braced yourself. in a twist of fate, you found yourself walking a few steps back and for a second, he thought that you were leaving. then, yuta saw the look on your face and grinned. it was enough for him to know. squeezing your eyes shut, you tried to steady yourself.

“you have to jump right after me, okay?!” you didn’t mean to yell, but everything began to muffle except for the pounding in your ears.

yuta said, “you got it, baby.” he began clapping and whooping, building up your energy at your side.

it was like flying. you ran and ran until your entire body was wrapped around blankets of air and freedom. you finally opened your eyes, wide and bright, to the world around you. it was pure lunacy. it must’ve lasted forever, because when you emerged from the sharp waters and gasping for air, yuta was already right beside you.

a boil of hysteria formed at the base of your throat. one giggle lead to another, until you were having a full on fest of laughter. you couldn’t stop and watching you, yuta couldn’t help but start laughing, too. you flung your arms around him in the tightest embrace, still shaking from the nerves, but in the best way possible. you planted a deep kiss on his lips and he groaned.

“i guess that wasn’t so—” you were cut off by yuta’s lips, capturing yours once again.

SEVENTEEN.

everyone knew you and yuta to be the couple that was late to almost everything. however, most were not aware of the fact that it was almost strictly because of him. sometimes, you had to step back and marvel at just how good he was at wasting time when getting ready for something.

“oh my god, is it possible to take any longer than this?” you yelled at him from his bedroom balcony, as you absentmindedly scrolled through your phone. at the same time, you ignored the angry messages from your friends, wondering where the two of you were.

the sound of the blow dryer finally came to a stop. “relax, there’s no need to rush.”

“it’s the last school festival we’re ever gonna have and you don’t wanna rush?” you quipped back.

this happened every time, so you weren’t nearly as irritated as you should’ve been. this was considering you woke up extra early to pick out your outfit and actually attempt real makeup on your face. it made you a little nervous, considering you made enough effort to brush your hair and throw on the nicest skirt you owned, albeit after digging through your closet for who knows how long. you arrived at yuta’s almost an hour before you were supposed to leave and without surprise, he was still in bed.

since this happened every time, you had one simple method that worked every time. all it took was one iced cube for nakamoto yuta, the mighty star player of your school’s soccer team, to squeal like a four year old and scramble out of bed. soon enough, he was in the shower and belting to chris brown at the top of his lungs.

he definitely didn’t get out soon enough.

you got up to bang on his bathroom door, but before you could do so, it swung open. yuta was fully dressed in casual attire of an oversized hoodie, a jean jacket, and black sweats. a baseball cap nestled the top of his pristine hair and you immediately swiped it off.

“hey—” yuta began to protest, but then his eyes scanned your appearance and his jaw was left hanging.

clearly, you didn’t notice, because you continued ranting. “if you took all that time to blow dry your hair, why the hell did you put on a hat?”

“you look. . .”

“we are so late and—”

he clamped a hand over your mouth, only getting a further rise out of you. “can you just listen to me?” but, this didn’t stop your attempts and yelling through his hand.

yuta didn’t let go until you had the bright idea to lick his hand, at which he let out a chorus of “yuck, ew, gross” and spun around to wash his hands immediately. you snickered at his reaction, but were still heated.

he gave you a dirty look. “damn, a guy can’t tell his girl that she looks beautiful?”

“not when the guy is the reason for them being an hour and a half late!” you cried. jaw set, you had to admit that this would normally get your heart pounding, but it was going to be your fist’s turn if he didn’t hurry. long gone were the days where you couldn’t speak the truth to yuta and now, you’d cuss him out at any given time.

he chuckled and placed a hand on your cheek. “well, you do. i don’t know what you did, but you look good, all dressed up and stuff.”

you let him bring you into a gentle embrace and melted into him almost instantaneously. “yeah, yeah, whatever,” you said into his chest. “by the way, i really enjoyed the concert you put on there.”

yuta’s ears turned slightly red, but he laughed it off. “thanks. i’ve been practicing.” he looked over and noticed the balcony door open, the curtains blowly softly against the wall. “were you just on my balcony?”

“yeah, it’s way too hot in here.”

“willingly? alone? at a high height?” he dramatically gaped and you hit his arm.

you replied, “ergh, yes, okay? let’s move on now.” you couldn’t bite back the small grin that was forming on your face and there was no way he didn’t notice it.

the two of you eventually raced out the front door and began a rock paper scissors competition to decide who would have to face an angry miho, who’d been waiting for you two for hours.

EIGHTEEN.

you shared all of the most painful moments of your life with yuta. he was there for you after every test you failed, every sad movie that pulled at your heartstrings, and every time you plucked your eyebrows. just thinking about him, you could easily remember the way his arms felt like home, when nothing else in the world seemed to matter.

“she’s going to be okay, come on. .  .” he murmured into your ear, as he stroked your hair. “please, just breathe, baby.”

“miho was on her way to see me! she shouldn’t have—” you couldn’t finish the sentence, a strangled sob choking your words to bits.

yuta rocked you back and forth in his arms as you tried to look for some sort of light, but the bland eggshell walls of the hospital corridor provided nothing to comfort you. there was no one else waiting for miho except you. you were all she had.

that day, she ended up surviving the fatal car accident. you were certain that you would have gone mad if it weren’t for yuta’s warm arms and the sweet nothings he assured into your being. he was your strength that day.

likewise, yuta shared all the most painful moments of his life with you. you were there for him after every injury he suffered on the field, after every screaming match with his hotheaded father, and every lost game that he took. you somehow made him laugh on his way to the infirmary. you found every way to cheer him up after a bad game. most of all, you were the one who cradled him and let him sob into your chest in the rare moments when he would lose all control after a fight with his dad.

it was about one in the morning when you awoke in a startle. the sound of a pile of your textbooks toppling over from your desk created what seemed to be an earthquake at an ungodly hour. you awoke to your heart beating wildly, unsure of what to expect.

thankfully, it was just your idiot boyfriend, who had no idea how to climb into a room through a window. unsure of what was going on, your first instinct to whisper yell at him about whatever the hell he was doing and the fact that your parents could have woken up, but then you saw. you saw his dead eyes and his slumped over figure.

“did he. . .”

you hadn’t seen yuta in about a week, ever since his father was hospitalized. he didn’t elaborate on any details when he explained the situation to you, but you knew it was fatal. he didn’t even want you visiting.

“yeah. he went real quick and just like that,” yuta took in a deep breath, “it was over.”

you immediately sat up on your bed and made room for him, to which he immediately occupied. all you wanted to do was reach out and touch him, to enclasp his hardened joints and cold skin. looking over at him, though, it seemed like the hardest thing to do. you’d never seen yuta so empty before.

you cleared your throat, while eyeing your bedroom door to ensure all lights remained off. “shouldn’t you be with your mom and sister?”

“i dropped them off at home so they could sleep. i wanted to call you, but,” yuta shrugged, “i’m here now.”

after that, yuta didn’t talk for the rest of the night. though he stared blankly at your popcorn ceiling as if he was in another world, you kept him grounded. you talked about anything and anything to distract him. the soccer game on television that evening, the new, hideous curtains that your mother put in the living room, how you just learned to do some basic sewing, the neighbourhood gossip. you talked until your throat strained and begged for you to give up. but, you didn’t give up until the first streams of ginger orange and rose emerged from the horizon beyond your tiny window.

by then, he coasted into a deep sleep into the crook of your neck and one arm slung over your torso. you buried your face in his hair, hand clutched in his. pain always hurt, but neither of you ever had to hurt alone.

EIGHTEEN.

you shared all of the most painful moments of your life with yuta, but you never anticipated the day when one of those moments would be because of him.

“what do you mean?” you felt like you’d just been punched in the gut, your lips parting in shock.

yuta pushed his tongue to the inside of his cheek and set down his soda on the rooftop ledge. “i mean, i’m leaving. i’m going to accept their offer of admission.” his eyes were downcast and he felt like he was holding onto all of the weight in the world.

“but-but, i—” you started, but couldn’t find the words.

nothing seemed real in that moment. you shook your head and turned away, finding the door to be the only option. however, watching even your smallest of movements, yuta knew you too well and easily predicted what you were going to do next.

he grabbed your arm before you could walk away. “can we just talk about this first?”

“like the way you talked to me about applying to schools overseas?” you shot, though your voice was quieter than usual.

like every other couple in the graduating class, your future was up in the air. it was floating and it seem like every time to made a move to reach out and grab for it, all that slipped through your fingers was pure nothingness. void. you didn’t want to think about it, instead opting to live in the moment.

however, with the changing leaves and the aforementioned ticking time bomb became the background music to your every day life. there always seemed to be something that popped out of nowhere to remind you of what you dreaded—the fact that you were running out of time.

yuta ran a hand through his hair. “it wasn’t the plan, i just kinda did it on a whim and i never expected. . .” his shoulders slumped.

it was then you realized that yuta was no longer living by the same hour.

although you avoided talking about it, you and yuta were with each other every step of the way since the year began. you thought the happy ending plan you concocted in your plan was officially set in motion and absolutely nothing could go wrong.

wrong.

though you knew deep inside that this wasn’t a bad thing, that you shouldn’t be upset at yuta, there was a nagging feeling at the pit of your stomach. every bad scenario that could possibly be generated suddenly flashed before your very eyes and at that, your entire body stiffened.

your heart ached and you couldn’t help but step forward to place a hand on his chest. “listen. i’m happy for you and i’m not trying to hurt your feelings, but,” you shook your head, “that shit really hurt mine.”

before he could say anything, you took off the sweater he’d given to just a few minutes earlier when the two of you arrived. the cold breeze felt like knives against your flesh, but you ignored it. for your entire life, you knew that you were as fragile as glass. however, you never truly felt it up until this moment.

“come on, it’s not that serious,” yuta said, eyes widened.

you replied, “it doesn’t matter. this is, um, just a lot to take in.” shaking your head, you broke free of his grasp.

just as you approached the stairs to return back to the school building, you hear yuta’s voice from behind you.

“i’m not letting this be the end.”

EIGHTEEN.

when the guests began pouring out of your front door, you took this as an opportunity to sneak out the back and around to escape the dreadful atmosphere. this wasn’t to say that you weren’t grateful for the careful orchestration done to ensure a successful surprise party, you were really blown away by the plan made by your family and miho. walking into your living room to be met with a crowd of people to celebration your recent acceptance to university was the highlight of your day and the second last thing you expected.

the last thing you expected had followed you out your back door, having kept a close eye on you since the start of the party. yuta had not spoken to you in a week, not since the reveal on the school rooftop. you stated that you needed space and he respected that, but there was no way he wasn’t going to celebrate your massive academic accomplishments, especially when he was the rock to keep you stable all of this years.

plus, miho would’ve killed him.

“hey, hey, hey,” yuta’s unmistakable voice chimed in behind you, “where are you going?”

“i needed some air,” you said, without turning around.

he jogged up to you and began walking by your side. you didn’t look at him. you weren’t sure why.

yuta said, “it’s crazy how fast everything’s going now,” he shoved his hands into his pockets. “it seems like yesterday we were just fourteen and screwing around, doing whatever without caring about tomorrow.”

“. . .yeah. i think i’m going to go crazy thinking about what’s going to happen tomorrow, or the day after.” the confession tasted bitter and it showed crystal clear in your features. “like, obviously, the party was great and all but it was just another reminder of all this shit building up.”

“you have no reason to worry,” yuta scoffed. “you have so much to look forward to. i know you aren’t afraid to be on your own next year.”

“but, that’s the thing, yuta!” you bellowed. “i’m not afraid, i’m terrified. i wasn’t going be afraid because i wasn’t going to be on my own, i was supposed to have you.” it took all of your strength to even attempt to stop your voice from shaking.

like you’d always done, you found yourself immediately melting back into his arms, like they were your rightful place. “believe it or not, i am so fucking ecstatic for you. i just—”

“—wish we wouldn’t have to go our own ways?” yuta finished for you, a sad smile playing on his lips.

you nodded. “it’s stupid, but you’ve been by my side forever. and i want the best for you and trust me, i know this school is perfect for you.”

“you looked into it?”

“of course i did,” you managed to laugh. “and it checks off every single box for your dream school.”

the conversation was a volcano, waiting to erupt in the shadows for quite some time. thankfully, it wasn’t destructive. the two of you sat down on the edge of the sidewalk, still not letting go of each other. similar to leisurely flowing lava, it was warm and of beauty unlike any other.

yuta cupped your cheek and you swore you would have given anything to freeze those few seconds of time to keep. “you know, no matter what happens, you’ll always have my heart.”

that night, yuta took you to the same arcade he brought you to on your first date at fifteen. you shared laughter and exchanged music like you had for many years. the fear settling deep into both of your bodies seemed to fade for that one night. because, although he wanted to be strong and reject it, yuta was as scared as you were.

“you aren’t making the wrong decision,” you assured him, over and over again.

just like that, the magma begun to settle. the fog started to clear, but you weren’t sure if whatever hid behind it all was what you wanted. regardless, for those few seconds in time, everything seemed to be okay.

EIGHTEEN.

"stop crying, loser.”

“i am not crying!” you insisted with a laugh, as you hastily swiped at the tears brimming in your eyes. “i am totally fine, this is totally happening.”

standing in the middle of the parking lot of the ceremony hall, you looked a little ridiculous. you’d long given up on wearing heels and opted to go barefoot, your makeup was smeared, and you already ripped your gown by accident when you stepped on it going down the stairs. yuta didn’t see you that way, though.

he saw you for what you were: the smart, strong, gorgeous girl that he’d been in love with for the past four years of his life. the first girl he’d ever loved. he’d gone on believing that you were going to be the last, too, but that dream was shattered into pieces now. somehow, he accepted this with a smile.

“i guess this is goodbye,” he jokingly extended his hand, to which you slapped it out of the way and nearly jumped on him for a bone crushing hug. yuta laughed and hugged you back just as tight, beginning to twirl you around and ignored the way his cap toppled off his head in the process. 

all of a sudden, you heard a loud honk. he let go of you and you noticed that your family was waiting for you to get in the car. you sighed. his eyes met yours and the silence was enough.

he pressed a kiss against your cheek, one last time. “bye, angel.”

TWENTY FIVE.

nothing was the same. your parents had long moved out of your childhood home and to the other side of the city. you lost contact with all of your high school friends and as far as you knew, they’d all moved to different points of the country. upon returning to your hometown, there was nothing left for you anymore.

dropping the last of your cardboard boxes, thankfully not one of the ones marked with ‘fragile,’ miho let out a loud huff. “finally! i thought this shit would never end,” she grumbled.

you kicked the box aside to the back wall of you brand new apartment. “thanks for helping me out.”

she was the last of your old friends to remain in osaka, having built her life here after graduation as a police officer. in fact, miho was the last of your old friends to stick by your side ever since. some were appalled at the turn of events that occurred  in your life and ostracized you. others simply faded away naturally. miho was the first of them to enter your life and you were in pure relief when she promised that she wouldn’t leave your side.

miho was the one you dragged into your washroom to take the five tests to see if they were really accurate. when yuta was long gone, she was your rock. when you had to go through school with a young kid, she was your source of encouragement through strings of letters, phone calls, and text messages.

she was the last constant in your life in the ‘before’ and the ‘after.’

“duh, do you know how excited i am for you to be back?!” miho squealed, hugging you for what seemed to be the hundredth time since you arrived back in town just a year before.

you beamed. “i just. . .can’t believe it.” looking out the window, you realized that you left so much of yourself when you left at eighteen. now that you were back, you weren’t sure if you wanted to pick up where you left off.

your oldest friend nodded in understanding. suddenly, there was a loud chime and miho checked her phone immediately, frowning at her screen. she shoved in back into her purse and sighed.

“i really don’t want to leave you alone, but i have to go,” she said.

you nodded in understanding. “it’s okay. go. i have to go grocery shopping for me and the little dude over there anyway,” you replied. “i’ll catch up with you tomorrow for lunch?”

the small boy sitting at your newly moved couch looked up at the mention of himself. he’d been occupied the entire time with power rangers reruns and you walked over to him, scooping him up in a cuddle. yosuke was at the age where he whined at every form of physical affection from his mother, even if they were the best of friends like the two of you were.

“of course,” miho said and followed you. she cooed at yosuke, who’s eyes were still glued to the tablet screen in his hands. taking his chubby cheeks between her manicured fingers and pinching them, the kid let out a loud groan and you gave him a pointed look.

you cleared your throat. “say bye to auntie miho.”

“bye auntie miho,” yosuke mumbled with a grimace painted across his face.

standing up, you began to walk miho to the door. she slipped on her heels, ranting about the warm weather in november, but to be honest, you were mostly tuning her out in favour of just appreciating miho’s presence in the first place. just like old times.

you opened the door for her and waved her goodbye. however, just as you were about to close it, the door beside your apartment opened. whether it was out of curiosity or some cruel trick by destiny, you look out to greet your neighbour.

what came next couldn’t have happened in your wildest dreams.

everything was the same. sure, he grew out his hair a little bit longer, but yuta looked exactly the same in that dusty parking lot, when the two of you were eighteen. a lollipop dangled from his mouth, like before, and his surroundings were drowned out by earphones plugged into both of his ears. he still wore his late father’s titanium watch, no matter how aged it was. yuta’s eyes met yours and you were a goner, like you always were. it was more than a punch to the gut, but a full on blow to the face and a kick to the shins. your entire body felt like it’d just been battered. you couldn’t breathe.

for half a second, he glanced away. then, the nooks and crannies of his memories that hadn’t been touched in years became triggered. yuta looked up and he could’ve sworn, everything in the world stopped. his mouth ran dry and the vulnerability that settled in his bones felt as though he’d been caught in the middle of a crime.

yuta wanted to say your name, to see if it was really you, but nothing seemed to croak out.

“this can’t be real.” you didn’t know you were saying this out loud, but the words just spilled out of your mouth. you felt like a wax candle, eventually vanishing the hotter your flame grew. this couldn’t be happening.

he sputtered, “i can’t—”

you suddenly became aware of your appearance and wanted to just hide away. with your hair twisted into a half-assed bun and clad in an old t-shirt and denim overalls, you looked more like the visiting plumber than a tenant.

“—believe it,” you finished for him, trying to let the oxygen enter your body. “um, sorry, i just moved in, so i’m not really fit to be seen by actual humans.”

neither of you were sure how to go about this, both wanting to go in for a hug, but hesitated. after a few awkward attempts, yuta eventually went ‘fuck it’ and just completely squashing you into an embrace. you weren’t sure how long the hug lasted for. maybe an hour. a couple minute. a few seconds. but even just a quarter of that was enough for you. the smell of musk and teakwood filled your senses and you were lost again, forgetting about what this reunion meant for you.

“you look great.” yuta just saw you the way he’d always remembered you. “you still look the same.” he chuckled, taken aback and blown away.

you scrunched your nose. “do i?” there was no way he was being serious.

“just like the night of the spring festival.”

that was what took you by surprise, the fact that he remembered that night, much less what you looked like. still, the whole situation was not fully processed in your mind. you shook your head, blinking your doubts away.

you tried to form your words. “what, erm, are you doing here?” the awkward laugh that came out of your mouth was enough to say it all. “i mean, last i heard, you became a big shot, working for some company in europe.”

“i moved back to japan a few weeks ago,” yuta revealed, shoving his hands into his pockets. “i wanted to work back home.” though the smile on his face was small, it was enough to bring you back to the bliss of your relationship with him.

none of this was real.

you were dizzy. seeing yuta felt like seeing a ghost from your past. this wasn’t supposed to be what moving back to osaka was about. seven years away meant seven years of growth and even harder, moving on. you finally snapped yourself out of the fragrant, intoxicating daze that was nakamoto yuta and realized you had to confront the reality.

“what—” you started,

he shrugged and leaned against his door frame. “why travel the world when you feel like you’re, well, missing something?” yuta asked. “i mean, i had a lot going for me. but, something felt wrong.”

this was just honesty from yuta. after years away from his roots, there had to be a reason why he traced his footprints back to home. maybe it was after pleading to the stars for an answer, but standing in front of you seemed like the twist of fate he’d been seeking.

“nothing beats home and family, right?”

it was too late. from the ringing in your ears, you didn’t hear the tiny footsteps plopping right behind you on your new, carpeted floors. you didn’t hear the distant video music come to an abrupt pause. you didn’t hear any of it and then, you felt a tug at your pant leg.

“i’m hungry,” yosuke yawned, looking up at you through his long eyelashes.

all the colour in yuta’s face drained. you rubbed the ring on your left hand and tore your gaze away from yuta and instead focused on your son. “okay, yosuke, go back inside and i’ll make you lunch, honey.” you forced a smile, but yosuke just gave a confused side glance at yuta. nonetheless, he retreated back inside.

yuta always imagined what it would be like if he crossed paths with you again. in most of these fantasies, you’d fall right back into his arms. he rarely considered the idea that you would have someone else. he didn’t even entertain the notion at all, the dead clutch of hope still remaining within him.

“yosuke?” he asked slowly, trying to memorize the details of the little boy’s face and all he saw were your features.

it was the hardest thing for you to say.

“yeah. my son.”

𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐂.

i like you (exo remake) - weathercast severely - ft island milk - f(x) at the end - chungha you were beautiful - day6

[soobiniebaby]

Angels & Devils Part XI : I’m Yours, You’re Mine

A n g e l s   &   D e v i l s || Tomorrow x Together Fanfiction

~ p a r t s : main post || prologue || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4 || part 5 || part 6 || part 7 || part 8 || part 9 || part 10 || part 11 || part 12 || part 13 || part 14 || part 15 || part 16 || part 17 ~ p a i r i n g : love triangle involving choi soobin and choi yeonjun  ~ g e n r e : high school au | some social media au | some fluff & angst | childhood friends | love triangle  ~ l a n g u a g e : English  ~ w a r n i n g : contains swearing, alcohol, kissing (?) and may contain mature themes (angst, etc.)  ~ a / n : This will be my first fanfic (go easy on me pls) and i’m just writing this as I go along, so bear with me juseyo The setting (place/country) of the story is up to the reader’s interpretation ~ s u m m a r y : What should she choose? Han Baby: the new girl with a troubled past MO Academy: her new high school Choi Soobin: student council president, member of the Ecosave club, volunteer at the Humane Treatment of Animals, member of the Honor Society, a vocalist in the Jazzed club, the school’s all around golden boy Choi Yeonjun: leader of the Dance club, star of the Jazzed club, the school’s it boy with a bad rep 5 best friends, 1 new girl, 1 childhood friendship, 1 epic love triangle? What will this school year bring?

Over the weekend, B and Kai had spent most of their time lounging around the living room, finishing the entire season of It’s Okay to Not Be Okay on Netflix on Saturday and having a movie marathon on Sunday. They ordered all their meals and had all the food they wanted delivered to the apartment, their food cravings ranging from donuts and milk tea to egg tarts and mint chocolate ice cream. It felt like one of the many sleepovers they used to have when they were kids, only now it was just the 2 of them in a place of their own, without nosy siblings or strict parents to bother them or tell them what they could or couldn’t do.

Other than stuffing their faces with food and drowning their emotions in Netflix, they finally had all the time in the world to do all the catching up that they hadn’t been able to, asking questions and telling stories about what they had missed out on each other’s lives through the years.

“First kiss?” B asks.

“Oh, I think I was in the 7th grade, and it was with Im Yeojin. You?”

“Lucas Wong. A couple of years ago.” B responds.

Kai shakes his head. “That guy was your first kiss ever? Lucas? Your ex?”

B nods. “The one and only. Next question please?”

“Alright, worst ex?” Kai asks intentionally.

“Ningning, you know I’ve only had 1 boyfriend.”

“Yes, and he was the worst! He had the audacity to cheat on you! And all because you wouldn’t ‘put out?’ He's lucky I lived 3 hours away or else I would’ve kicked his ass.” Kai says, huffing.

B laughs, trying to swallow down the lump in her throat that formed whenever she talked about her horrible ex boyfriend. There was so much more to their relationship than him cheating on her cause she wouldn’t put out, but she wasn’t ready to let her best friend know all about it just yet. “Thanks, but judging by the size of his biceps, I don’t think that could’ve ever happened anyway.”

Kai pouts. “Are you saying I should start going to the gym?”

B laughs at him dismissively before changing the subject.

Also, sharing a living space with another person was also a bit of an adjustment for B since she had already gotten used to living alone. Her apartment only had one bathroom which she now shared with Kai, and now she had to keep all her personal toiletries set aside and her feminine hygiene products kept away, not wanting a repeat of the horrifying moment when her best friend walked out of the bathroom with his face all red.

“What happened to you?” she had asked, noticing how flushed he looked after being in the bathroom for 20 minutes.

“You know that when I’m, um, taking a shit I like to read the back of labels of whatever I see in the bathroom, right?” Kai starts slowly.

“Okay, weird, but go on.”

He takes a big gulp before continuing. “Well, let’s just say I now know how to properly put on a tampon. And let me just say, I’m glad I wasn’t born a woman.”

After that incident, B made sure to keep all feminine hygiene products hidden away in the bathroom cabinets. She ensured to leave a stack of random books and magazines on the bathroom counters so Kai would have something to read when doing his business. Other than that, B also had to remind herself that it was no longer socially acceptable to walk around her apartment in nothing but a tshirt and underwear on, since she had gotten used to roaming the space without worrying about other people seeing what she looked like. She usually went to bed in just a shirt and underwear and roll out of bed and straight into the kitchen for breakfast without a care in the world. Now, she had to double check and make sure that she was wearing bottoms and a bra before stepping out of her bedroom.

Even though there were many things she hadn’t considered before inviting a guy to stay in her apartment, she had to admit that it was nice to have company around. She hadn’t realized how lonely it was to live alone until Kai had come along, and now she was already sort of dreading the day when he’d get better and move out. She was starting to consider finding a room mate before then, knowing that she’d feel lonely once her company had to leave.

Come Monday morning, B woke up feeling excited. She rolled out of bed, put on a pair of shorts, and made her way to the kitchen, only to be surprised by the sight of breakfast already prepared on the table. A plate full of bacon and sunny side up eggs, a bowl full of fresh fruit and cereal, and a glass of blue lemonade were all neatly laid out on the table, and Kai was sitting there with an apron still tied around his waist. When he saw B step out from her room, he immediately greeted her “Wakey wakey Baba, time to go back to school!”

B rubs the sleep from her eyes, making sure she wasn’t just dreaming that Kai had prepared breakfast for her. Once the smell of freshly cooked bacon filled wafted in the air, she immediately brightens up and walks on over to give her best friend a hug.

“Ningning, you did all this for me? Thank you so much!” she says in awe.

“Yup, I wanted to make it special since it’ll be your first day back at MOA today.” Kai says. “Now hurry up before it gets cold. You have to be ready in 40 minutes.”

B all but gobbles up all the food that Kai had prepared for her before jumping into the shower, drying her hair, putting on some make up and changing into her school uniform, making sure she had everything she needed before letting Kai walk her to the front door.

“Have fun, Baba!” Kai says.

“Sure thing. Make sure to keep the door locked and call me if you need anything.” she says, waving goodbye before making her way downstairs to meet Taehyun.

As soon as Taehyun sees her, his eyes visibly light up.

“B! Finally, I’ve missed you so much.” he says, waving hello before stretching his arms out towards her. “Come here!”

B excitedly runs up, preparing to hug Taehyun, until at the last minute he folds his hands across his chest and takes a step back, which stops her in her tracks.

“On second thought, don’t touch me. You may be medically cleared already, but since Hyuka’s staying with you, you might still be carrying the pox.” he says. It’s only then when she notices that he was wearing a face mask and had a small spray bottle of alcohol hanging from his school ID lace.

She smiles at him sheepishly. “I missed you too, you know.” she says, opting to wrap her arms around her own torso instead.

He laughs at her silly antics before following suit, wrapping his arms around himself. “Let’s just pretend that we’re hugging right now.”

B nods. “Alrighty. Thanks, Tyun.”

“Don’t mention it. Now come on, put on your face mask and make sure you have hand sanitizer before we go.” he says, adjusting the mask on his face.

She puts on a mask and puts a small bottle of hand sanitizer in her pocket before they start making their way to school.

“I’ve missed these walks of ours.” B says happily, breathing in the morning air.

“I’ve missed them too. And I’ve missed you. School was a bit boring without you, and walking to school alone just didn’t feel the same.”

“How have things at MOA been, apart from the health protocols? And how are the guys?” B asks.

“Apart from the implementation of health protocols, school has pretty much been the same. The guys miss you. I think they’re excited to see you.” Taehyun responds.

“I miss them too.” B says, sighing. She and Yeonjun had FaceTimed every night through the weekend, but she missed him, and she felt a bit sad that they had to cancel their supposed last date. She had to admit that she missed the other guys too. “What makes you think they’re excited to see me, though?”

“They told me to ask you if you could meet them by the front gate of MOA before classes start this morning.” Taehyun says.

“Oh? They did? Weird, but okay. I wonder why.” B says, trying to think of why they might want to meet up. “How have you been? Has anything in your life changed in the past week?” she asks.

Taehyun shrugs. “Not really, same old same old. Just the usual studying at school and working at the café.” he says. “What about you? How have you been doing?”

B shrugs too, mimicking his response. “I’ve been good, nothing much going on.” she says casually, which was a lie. She wanted to tell him about Yeonjun and about how he asked her out and all the dates he put together, but a part of her was scared about how he’d react, so she thought it would be better to tell him when the time was right.

As she and Taehyun approach the campus, her eyes catch sight of 3 familiar figures standing right outside of the gates, particularly to the head of blue hair.

B feels her heart jump out of her chest, speeding up her walking, and Taehyun runs to catch up to her as she starts waving her arms in the air the closer they got until the 3 boys look up in her direction and they all wave back.

“Seriously, you 3, why aren’t you wearing face masks?” Taehyun says as they meet the 3 boys outside the gate.

“Well good morning to you too, Tyun.” Beomgyu says playfully. “Relax, we’re not within campus grounds so we don’t have to wear masks yet.”

B laughs at their banter. “I think Tyun’s just worried that you’ll catch Kai’s chicken pox germs if you stand too close to me without a mask on.” she jokes. “So, why are we meeting up here outside the gates instead of at the front steps like we usually do?”

“Hey, B! Good to see you again.” Beomgyu says.

“Well, you see, there are new health protocols set in place on campus right now, and as members of the student council, we can never be caught violating any rules set within the school.” Yeonjun begins, smiling at her brightly, like there was a secret that only the 2 of them shared.

“Alright, and…?” B asks, not sure where they were going with this.

“And before we go in and start off another week of school, there’s just this 1 health protocol we’d like to violate.” Beomgyu continues.

“Okay, which one? Is it the face mask thing? Why are we standing outside the school gates?” B asks, still confused.

“So we can do this.” Soobin says, before taking a step towards B with arms outstretched and pulling her into him, his whole body engulfing her in a hug.

He feels time stop the moment his arms wrap themselves around her body, her face buried in his chest, the top of her head inches away from his chin, the smell of her lavender-scented shampoo tickling his nose, his hands resting on the curves in her waist.

When Soobin woke up feeling excited that day, he told himself it was just because he was excited to start a new week of school, but deep down he knew that wasn’t the case.

When the guys suggested that they wait for B outside the school gates so that they could greet her a proper ‘welcome back,’ he felt a flutter in his chest, and he told himself that it was just because he was happy that their group would be complete again (minus Kai), but deep down, he knew he was only fooling himself.

When he and the guys stood outside the school gates waiting for B and Taehyun to arrive, he could feel his heart start to beat even faster in anticipation, and he told himself it was just because he was looking forward to see their friend again after a whole week, but he knew there was more to it than that.

When he saw her waving her arms in the air and walking towards them, he felt his breath catch in his throat, and he told himself it was just because he was surprised to see her looking so radiant and healthy knowing how badly sick she was, but he knew it was because of how he was just now realizing how beautiful she really was.

When he took a step towards her and engulfed her delicate figure in his arms, feeling the warmth of her body against his, a feeling washed over him unlike anything he’s experienced before, as if by having her in his arms everything in the world was finally falling into place and the pounding in his chest and the flutter of butterfly wings in his stomach finally made sense, and it was at that moment he knew with absolute certainty just what it was.

It was her. It was B.

He didn’t know how it came to be, or why exactly it happened, but all he knew was that it was her.

It was him realizing that he was falling in love with her.

And the feeling hit him so suddenly with such clarity that for a moment, it felt like the whole world stood still, as his breath seemed to catch in his throat and time seemed to stop as he held her in his arms, savoring the moment and all the emotions that were hitting him all at once.

She lets out a surprised squeal as Soobin pulls her in, only to be muffled by her face being buried in his chest as they embrace.

“Soobinie!” she says, laughing in surprise. “I missed you too.”

Soobin smiles to himself, tempted to rest his chin on her head, but he was aware of the presence of their friends, so he slowly lets her go, his eyes meeting Taehyun’s as he does, and Taehyun’s expression quickly changes as he realizes what was happening.

Taehyun raises his brows in question, and Soobin gives him a quick and discreet nod in response, to which Taehyun shakes his head.

Soobin keeps his head down to conceal the blush creeping into his face as B steps away and Beomgyu tackles her into a hug.

“We missed you so much! I wish I could’ve gotten an excuse to skip school for a week too, though.” Beomgyu says slyly.

“Hey, I did not skip school! I called you everyday to listen in on lectures, remember?” B says defensively, hitting Beomgyu’s chest. “If you wanna stay at home so bad, maybe you should come over to my place. I’m sure Hyuka would gladly give you a big hug, along with the chicken pox of course.”

Beomgyu steps away and holds his hands up in the air in front of him. “No way, I don’t want chicken pox. I’d rather endure school than have hideous spots all over my body.”

B looks at him offended. “You think I have hideous spots all over my body?” she says through gritted teeth.

“Oh, now you’ve done it, Gyu.” Taehyun says, watching as Beomgyu runs away from B to hide behind him. “Don’t worry B, I’ll help you kidnap him after school. I think Hyuka would like to have an extra playmate.”

“I never said that!” Beomgyu cries, running from Taehyun to Yeonjun now, hiding behind the blue haired boy. “B, you look beautiful as always. If anything, the spots just accentuate your beauty.” he says desperately.

B scoffs. “Oh shut up. You’re lucky I like you, or else I would’ve slapped you so hard that the spots would transfer from my skin to yours.”

Yeonjun laughs, shielding Beomgyu behind him. “Wow, I never pegged you to be violent.” he says.

B shrugs. “I’m not. I’m just saying, I could slap someone if I wanted to.”

Yeonjun shakes his head, pulling her into his arms. “Welcome back, Baby.” he whispers in her ear, giving her a quick peck on the cheek and slowly stroking the small of her back, making sure that the other boys don’t see, before letting her go.

Once she pulls away, her face is noticeably red, and Yeonjun can’t help but laugh. God, she looked adorable. He gives her a quick wink before saying “And now that that’s settled, shall we head to class?”

The 3 boys put on their facemasks and let B lead the way into the school gates, each of them having their body temperatures checked and their hands disinfected before walking through the gates.

As B walks ahead of the boys, the 4 boys pair off.

Beomgyu slings an arm around Yeonjun’s shoulders, keeping his voice low as he says “So now that’s she’s back, will you guys have the talk now?”

“What talk?” Yeonjun asks.

“The talk? The relationship talk. You know, the talk about your feelings and where you guys stand and what your label is and stuff like that.” Beomgyu says knowingly. “If the 2 of you don’t want to put a label on whatever it is you 2 are, then you should at least let the other guys know that you’re dating.”

Yeonjun shrugs. “Don’t worry, Gyu. I’ve got it all planned out, you’ll see. I’ve been planning this for days now, but considering that we’re at school, I’ll have to make do. At the end of the day, we might even let you guys know about us.” he responds, his eyes glued to the girl in front of them, which automatically puts a smile on his face. “I’m gonna make that girl mine.”

Meanwhile, Taehyun attempts to sling his arm around Soobin’s shoulders, but with the other boy being much taller and walking a bit faster, he settled for interlocking his arm around Soobin’s instead.

“Oh, hey Tyun.” Soobin says, surprised by the sudden lock on his arm. “What’s up?”

“’What’s up?’” Taehyun says, mimicking him. “You tell me. All your questions about falling in love and stuff…were they about B? Is it her? Are you in love with—”

Soobin cuts him off. “Shhh, the other guys might hear you!” he says, hurriedly looking around and seeing that no one was within ear shot. “Yes, it’s about her. Let’s talk about this later, okay? Alone.”

Taehyun sighs. “Fine, but wow, I should’ve known. I had a feeling it was her. You 2 would make a great couple.” he says teasingly.

“Oh shut up, you know-it-all.” Soobin says, flustered. “I’m sure you would’ve figured it out sooner or later anyway, you’re too damn smart, you know?”

Taehyun laughs. “It doesn’t take a genius to see that you’ve got it bad, Binnie.” he says. “Let’s talk about it soon, okay? Just hang in there.”

Soobin sighs, his eyes focus on the girl walking in front of them. “Trust me, I’m trying.”

•°•

B had to admit that Yeonjun’s sudden request had her heart fluttering, but more than anything it got her head buzzing with curiosity. Within 5 minutes she had excused herself from class, 3rd period biology which she didn’t share with any of the guys, and she was on her way to the student council room, which she had only been to once before with Soobin and Yeonjun. Technically, she was cutting class, but a few minutes probably wouldn’t hurt.

B takes a deep breath, not knowing what quite to expect, before turning the knob on the double doors to the student council room, taking a step inside.

The room was dark, the blackout curtains doing their job, and was only illuminated by the light spilling in from the door and a set of candles in the middle of the conference table, which also highlighted the fact that the conference table seemed to be overflowing with blue rose petals.

And there was Yeonjun, leaning against the table, a single blue rose in his hand. It’s only then when B looks down and notices that the carpeted floor all the way from the entrance of the room to the spot where Yeonjun was standing by the conference table was littered with blue rose petals.

“Yeonjun? What is this?” B asks, stepping inside and closing the door behind her, the only source of light in the room now coming from the candles. She removes her face mask, noticing that he wasn’t currently wearing one, and pockets it in her blazer.

“Baby. Come here.” he says, patting the spot on the table beside him. B walks over to the table, stepping on countless blue petals as she did so, and once she reaches him, Yeonjun takes her by surprise and carries her, lifting her up and setting her down on the table.

“Yeonjun!” she squeals in surprise, clinging on to him for dear life. As her bottom hits the table, she lets go and whacks his arm. “You surprised me!” she huffs, surprised by his sudden maneuver. “And you’re breaking the health protocols! What’s all this for anyway?”

He stands in front of her, simply staring at her, admiring how she looked in the candlelight. A few blue petals had fallen over the edge when he set her down on the table, but that didn’t bother him. He had skipped the entirety of 3rd period to prepare for this moment, so he wouldn’t let anything distract him now.

“All this?” he simply says. Upon seeing the confused look on her face, he takes a step towards her, situating himself in between her dangling legs, and he rests his hands on either side of her, his palms laid flat on the table just centimeters away from her thighs. The whole mood in the room shifted from playful to something different with just that simple action. “All this is for you.”

B could feel her heart start to pound in her chest again. She tried to keep a level head but Yeonjun was standing so close that she could smell him, the scent of his cologne now very familiar to her, and she could feel parts of his uniform lightly tickling at her inner thighs where he stood, sending shivers down her spine. “For me? Why?”

“Because, Baby, you deserve it. You deserve all of it.” he begins carefully, slowly, his gaze locking her in place. “I told you I want to give you all the good things you deserve, and during the past week I tried. Those dates meant a lot to me and I can only hope that you enjoyed them half as much as I did. My plans were cut short because of your unexpected temporary roommate,” he says, fondly referring to Kai, “and maybe I should’ve waited a little bit longer to do this, but I don’t think I can keep this to myself any longer.”

B looks down then, her cheeks starting to heat up. She sees how close his hands are to her thighs and her mouth goes dry. He was standing so close. “What are you talking about?” she says, her eyes transfixed on his hands.

Her eyes follow as he raises one hand to cup her face, lifting it up slightly to meet his gaze. “I want you, Baby.” he says, looking right into her eyes. “I want you to be mine.”

B takes a deep breath, finding herself unable to look away, before she says “I want you, too.”

And with those words, Yeonjun couldn’t resist any longer. He leaned forward, closing what little distance was left between them, and pulled her face up to his, their lips crashing together.

~ w a r n i n g : makeout scene  ~

Praying that he couldn’t hear her pounding heartbeat, B returns the kiss with equal fervor, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him even closer. Her fingers entwine themselves in the hair at the nape of his neck, effectively disheveling his blue hair.

Yeonjun’s hands inch away from the table and come in direct contact with her thighs, the sudden warmth of his palms on her bare skin causing B’s mouth to open a little to let out a breath of surprise. She feels him smile against her lips, amused by her reaction, before taking the opportunity to trace her lower lip with his tongue, seeking entrance, which she allows.

His hands start to move slowly up her body then, he slides them up from her thighs to her waist, her skirt hiking up a few inches higher in the process. He breaks the kiss, allowing a moment for them to catch their breaths, before bowing his head down, his lips coming in contact with the sensitive skin on her neck.

“Oh god.” B breathes out, surprised by the contact, and again she feels his lips form a smile against her skin. She tilts her head backwards, his lips trailing kisses along her exposed skin, her heavy breaths starting to make her feel lightheaded.

Just as he’s about to pull away, his lips brush against the dip in her collarbone, causing her to wrap her legs around his waist and her fingers in his hair to dig in deeper, her body reacting to him before her mind could grasp what was happening.

“Fuck.” he breathes against her skin, feeling himself start to lose control.

B’s grip loosens then, her hands dropping from his hair to rest on his shoulders, her breathing heavy as she lets her head fall forward to rest on the top of his head, his face still buried in her neck. “Sorry.” she whispers, trying to control the rise and fall of her chest.

His grip on her waist remains tight, her blouse bunched up in his fists, his head buried in her neck as he tries to calm himself down, his breath coming out through clenched teeth. For a moment, they stay like that, until Yeonjun’s grip gradually starts to loosen, letting go of the fabric of her blouse as his hands go from clenching her waist to gently tracing circles on the now exposed skin on her hips.

~ end of makeout scene  ~

“You…” he begins slowly, lifting his head and letting it rest against her forehead, their breaths mingling. “You drive me crazy, you know?”

She lets out a small laugh, shaking her head lightly against his. “Not really, no.”

He laughs too, reaching a hand up to caress her hair, his eyes on hers once again. “Baby.” he simply says.

“Yes?” she responds, unable to stop a smile from creeping on her face. He smiles too, his heart fluttering, and he takes a deep breath before saying the next few words.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

She nods her head eagerly, their foreheads rubbing together. “Choi Yeonjun, I’m all yours.” she says, laughing upon seeing his bright smile. She kisses his nose, then his forehead and each of his cheeks. He starts laughing as she showers his face with light kisses. “I’m yours, you’re mine, Baby.” he says, the feeling washing over him.

“You think it’s safe to let everyone know now?” Yeonjun asks her, remembering how he promised Beomgyu they’d tell the rest of the boys about it soon.

B nods, biting her lip as she thinks of how people would react to the news. Yeonjun was her boyfriend. “Yes.”

He uses his thumb to free her lower lip from her teeth, gently tracing it before kissing her softly again. “Let’s tell the guys later. At lunch.” he says, referring to their daily lunchbreaks spent at the gazebo.

“Sure.” she says. Then she pulls away and pushes herself off the table, straightening out her uniform as she does so. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a Biology class to get back to.”

Yeonjun smirks, watching her pull her skirt down and tuck the hem of her blouse back in, straightening her blazer and running her fingers through her hair. It gave him some sort of satisfaction, knowing that he had gotten her so disheveled. He leans back against the table, running a hand through his hair and straightening out his necktie as well, keeping his hands in the front pockets of his trousers.

“Aren’t you coming back to class?” B asks, pulling the face mask out of her blazer pocket and putting securing it over her nose and mouth. “There’s only a few more minutes, and then it’ll be our lunch break.”

Yeonjun shakes his head. “I never went to third period.” he admits. “You better get back to class and surrender your hall pass though. I’ll meet you at the gazebo for lunch.” he says.

B’s mouth drops open. “You skipped third period?” she exclaims. “Please promise me you won’t skip classes again, please?” she pouts.

He laughs, taking her hand and pulling her closer. “I promise. Except for when my father requests it, though. But this is the last non-business related time I skip class.” he says, kissing the back of her hand. “You better hurry back, the bell rings in about 10 minutes.”

“Oh my god, I am so dead!” she squeals, her eyes widen as starts to pull away, but Yeonjun’s grip on her wrist keeps her in place.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” he says pointedly, his brow raised.

“Oh.” she simply says, before standing on her tiptoes and using a finger to pull her mask down, giving him a quick peck on the lips before pulling the mask back up. “That?”

He laughs, shaking his head. “You are adorable. I meant this,” he says, planting the single blue rose in her free hand. “but thanks, Baby.”

She blushes beet red then, straightening out her blazer one last time and quickly saying “See you at lunch, Yeonjun!” before dashing out the door.

He uses the remaining 10 minutes of 3rd period to distract himself from his thoughts by cleaning up all the rose petals he had set up. He wasn’t expecting things to get so heated, he only wanted to ask her to be his girlfriend, but he had to admit that he was pleasantly surprised by the turn of events. Just thinking about how she had reacted to his touches and how adorably flustered she got made him smile to himself, but the memory of her wrapping her legs around his waist and tilting her head back sent his mind wandering into the very place he was trying to distract himself from in the first place.

He sighs, shaking his head as he forced his thoughts to go focus into another mindset instead. He checks his watch, the petals all put away in a garbage bag. As the lunch bell rings, he grabs his things and locks the student council room behind him, putting on a face mask before making his way to the gazebo where he would meet his friends and his girlfriend for lunch.

Now he just had to tell his friends about his girlfriend.

•°•

When B got back to her Biology class, the teacher fortunately didn’t seem to notice that she was gone for well over 5 minutes, but her friends definitely did. When she sat back down beside Ryujin and Yuna, they definitely noticed how long her absence was, and they took note of how flushed she looked, and of the blue rose that he had haphazardly tucked under her blazer.

“Spill it. Now.” the 2 girls eagerly say, eyeing her like a hawk.

“Yeonjun asked me to meet up with him at the student council room.” B whispers to them, making sure that they were the only ones within earshot.

“Ooh, a steamy secret rendezvous in the middle of class?” Ryujin says teasingly.

“No, it wasn’t like that.” B aggressively whispers back, well-aware of how her cheeks were heating up as she tries to push away thoughts of Yeonjun’s lips on her neck.

“So what was it like then?” Yuna asks innocently.

Unable to contain her smile, B says “He asked me to be his girlfriend. And I said yes.”

The 2 girls quietly squeal at the good news. “Wow! Congrats!” Ryujin says.

Yuna nods. “Wow, and just like that for the first time in 2 years, Choi Yeonjun has a girlfriend.”

“2 years? He hasn’t had a girlfriend in 2 years?” B asks, surprised. Since everyone kept mentioning Yeonjun having a record for being one of the biggest flirts on campus, she was expecting him to have a long list of complicated past relationships.

“Well, real serious girlfriends, yeah. He’s been on a few dates with some girls since then, but it never really went beyond that so I wouldn’t call them girlfriends. And if I’m not mistaken, she was his first girlfriend. His first love, actually.” Yuna says thoughtfully. “I don’t really know her since she was never a student here.”

“I did, sort of.” Ryujin pipes up. “Gyu told me all about the guys’ past relationships. He mentioned Yeonjun and Rose’s relationship a lot. He said she was…” she starts, trying to choose her words carefully. “well, a complete bitch.”

“Rose?” B says, the name completely foreign to her. “His first girlfriend? So he’s only had 1 other girlfriend before me? And she was a complete bitch?” she asks, her head spinning with information.

Ryuji nods. “Yeah, despite his track record and dating history, he’s only ever had 1 serious relationship, and that was with Rose.” she says. “Gyu said they were intense. It was one of those relationships that were just so, um, loud I guess?”

“Loud? What do you mean?” B asks, genuinely curious yet a bit afraid to find out the answer.

“Gyu said they were one of those couples who were always so in-your-face about their relationship. Yeonjun wasn’t active on social media back then, but she was, and she was flaunting her relationship all over, showing off all the stuff he’d spoil her with and everything. Not only that, but they were one of those couples that, when going through a fight, the whole world would know about. According to Gyu, their relationship was dramatic and fiery and intense and so damn toxic, but Yeonjun was head over heels for her, which annoyed the guys to no end.”

“That sounds kind of awful.” B says, unable to imagine Yeonjun in such a relationship. “Kind of weird that the guys didn’t seem so supportive, either?”

Ryujin shakes her head. “That’s not even the worst of it. Apparently, she cheated on him with another rich kid she met while she was on vacation or something. Gyu says he hasn’t hated anyone as much as he hated Rose.”

“Now that sounds really awful.” B said, the information overload swirling around in her head. She couldn’t even imagine how awful this girl must’ve been for even Beomgyu and his friends to hate her so much. Why had Yeonjun fallen in love with such an awful person? And how could he have stayed in such a toxic relationship? And how could anyone cheat on him?

“I can’t say for sure since I personally don’t know her, Gyu just showed me a few of her pictures before, but he made her sound like the devil incarnate.” Ryujin says.

“Well, devil incarnate or not, Yeonjun’s definitely taken his standards to a different level with you.” Yuna says a bit comfortingly, squeezing B’s arm, trying to move away from the unpleasant topic. “And the best part is, I’m pretty sure all his friends love you already, so you won’t have to worry about that either. You and Yeonjun are solid.”

“Thanks, Yuna.” B says, smiling in relief. Then, remembering what Kai had told her about wanting to ask Yuna out, B giggles to herself.

“What was that for?” Yuna asks, noticing the sudden giggle.

Just then, the lunch bell rings, and B stands up instantly, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “Nothing. Just excited about my new relationship, I guess.” And about your soon-to-be relationship with my best friend. she thinks to herself, before greeting the girls goodbye and leaving the room.

Due to Kai’s absence, she had to walk to the gazebo alone, growing accustomed to having him pick her up outside her classroom so they could walk to the gazebo together. Now that she was left alone with her thoughts, she was starting to feel overwhelmed about everything that had happened that morning, from being back in school to her meet up with Yeonjun to officially being his girlfriend to learning about his ex. Even though she had learned a lot from Ryujin, she had to admit that her curiosity was still taking over her thoughts, which she knew would probably do no good for her new relationship.

Still, she couldn’t help but wonder about Yeonjun’s past relationship, and worry about how similar it had sounded to her relationship with her one and only ex boyfriend.

As she approaches the gazebo, she sees that Yeonjun and the rest of the guys were already there, sitting at their usual places. Without Kai, she wasn’t sure where she should sit. She usually sat beside Soobin cause that’s where Kai would usually sit before welcoming her into the group, but now she wasn’t sure.

Before she started to worry too much about where to sit, the boys spotted her approaching the gazebo and started waving at her. She smiles and waves back, stepping into the gazebo.

“There you are! Ah, it feels good to see your face around here again.” Beomgyu says, welcoming her in. “And just in time, too. Yeonjun says he has an important announcement that he’d like to make.”

“That we’d like to make, actually.” Yeonjun says, offering B a hand as she steps in, and she takes his hand shyly, letting him guide her into the small space.

“Oh?” Taehyun says, eyeing the 2 with a bad feeling in his gut. “What announcement?”

B takes a deep breath suddenly feeling shy and nervous, her eyes on the ground. She was starting to feel worried about how their friends might react, and guilty about not telling them about the whole thing in the first place. She had grown very fond of the boys and felt very comfortable around them, their closeness making her feel safe, as if she belonged. She was afraid that being Yeonjun’s girlfriend would change the way they see her or the way they treat her.

Sensing her nerves, Yeonjun squeezes her hand, urging her to look at him instead. He offers her a small smile, which she nervously returns. He nods at her before turning his attention to the 3 boys seated. “First thing’s first, I just wanna say that I’m sorry we didn’t tell you guys about this sooner. We just agreed that it would be best to keep it between us until we were sure about how things would go.”

“Whatever it is, we understand.” Soobin says with a smile on his face yet with a sinking feeling in his stomach, his mind buzzing at Yeonjun’s choice of words.

We.

Taehyun looks at his president with worry, a part of him dreading whatever Yeonjun would say next yet already sensing what was coming.

Yeonjun smiles brightly, his heart fluttering as he looks at the girl by his side before slinging an arm over her shoulders and pulling her to his side. “Baby and I are together.”

As the words leave Yeonjun’s mouth, Soobin’s gaze instantly falls on B, wanting to see if it was true or if it was some sort of weird prank that Yeonjun was pulling. When he sees her smile shyly, attempting to bury her face in the blue haired boy’s chest, his heart sinks.

“We’re officially a couple.” she confirms, her face getting redder by the second as she looks up at Yeonjun, who he could tell was grinning behind his face mask.

Soobin didn’t know what felt worse, the fact that his best friend and the girl he just realized he was falling for were now a couple, or the fact that now he was falling in love with his best friend’s girlfriend. Seeing them together now—her with her flushed cheeks and her tight grip on Yeonjun’s necktie and him with his arm dropping down from her shoulders to her waist, securing her by his side—made Soobin feel a bit sick. But what made him feel even sicker was the fact that seeing them together was making him feel sick in the first place. His best friend had finally found an amazing girl 2 years after his horrendous break up and was now dating said amazing girl. He wanted nothing more than to feel happy, but the fact that he didn’t made him feel terrible.

Before Soobin’s guilt starts to consume him, Beomgyu suddenly claps, sending a jolt through everyone in the gazebo. “Wow, congratulations B and YJ!” he says, approaching the couple and happily slapping the older boy on his back. “You 2 look great together.”

“Thanks, Gyu.” B says shyly, her blush visible even through her face mask, one hand fisting Yeonjun’s necktie as he kept her close to him.

“Don’t mention it, I’m happy that this guy has finally moved on.” Beomgyu says teasingly. “And that he was able to score someone way out of his league.” he says, wiggling his brows at the pair.

“Shut up, BG.” Yeonjun says, playfully shoving Beomgyu away before they share a quick high five “You’re right though, I don’t know how I got so lucky.” he says, using his free hand to caress her hair.

“Shut up, both of you.” she says, flustered. She looks at Taehyun and Soobin anxiously, holding her breath as she waited for their reactions. So far, the two boys had either been staring at her and Yeonjun or at each other.

Finally, Taehyun stands up, approaching the couple. “B.” he simply says, which causes her heart to sink a little.

“Tyunie?” she asks, nervously waiting to know his verdict. She and Taehyun had formed a sort of special bond over their walks together, and his opinion was the one that she worried about the most. She wanted to apologize on the spot for not telling him about it sooner, and explain everything about the past couple of weeks to him to make him understand why she had chosen to keep her relationship with Yeonjun a secret. She didn’t know why, but she wanted Taehyun’s approval.

He smiles at her then, and she feels the weight lifted off her chest. “Congratulations.” he finally says, stepping towards her and hugging her, which she wholeheartedly returned. She lets out a sigh as he rubs her back, her chin tucked into his shoulder, before he pulls away. “I just broke a health protocol for you.” he suddenly says, horrified. He instantly steps away then and starts to vigorously spray his hands, arms and neck with alcohol, which causes B to burst out laughing.

“You did it cause you looove me.” she says teasingly. “And thanks, Tyun.” she says, glad that he approved, though she made a mental note to tell him about all the details later on. She felt like she owed him that much.

It’s quiet for a moment as Yeonjun’s gaze lands on Soobin, the only one in the group who hadn’t shown any reaction towards the news as he had just been staring back and forth between him and B the whole time.

For Yeonjun, it was Soobin’s opinion he valued the most. Soobin was one of the few people in the world that Yeonjun would trust with his life. He was the only one among his friends who supported his relationship with Rose, valuing Yeonjun’s happiness above his own when he was clearly unhappy about the whole incident.

He was the one who was there for Yeonjun when everything came crashing down, the one who helped Yeonjun pick himself back up after being cheated on by his first love, the one who helped save Yeonjun from the nights when he would drown himself in alcohol in the hopes of numbing the heartache, the one who would sneak into Yeonjun’s house in the middle of the night to make sure he was asleep safe and sound in his bed rather than hooking up with random girls and picking fights with random guys at the bar, the one who would talk Yeonjun into giving his father a chance and reason with him that his father only wanted what was best for his son, the one who encouraged Yeonjun to join the dance club and the jazzed club and the student council, the one who begged the faculty and advisers to give Yeonjun a second chance at finishing school at MOA promising that he would keep his friend in check, the one who would do anything to make Yeonjun smile, and the one who would always tell Yeonjun the truth.

He stares at Soobin until Soobin’s eyes finally meet his and he stands up, making his way towards the blue haired boy. Once they stood face to face, there’s a moment of silence before Soobin’s face melts into a warm smile, his dimples peeking out from under his mask, his eyes crinkling at the corners, which instantly puts a smile on Yeonjun’s face as well.

Yeonjun pulls him into a hug, relieved. “Congratulations, Yeonjun.” the taller boy says, patting his back a couple of times before pulling away. “I’m so happy for you.” he says.

“Thanks, Binnie.” Yeonjun says, patting him on the back as well. “This means a lot to me.”

Soobin nods at him before turning to B, and before he can say or do anything, she throws her arms out to him and pulls him in for a hug, her tiny body feeling especially fragile as her arms squeezed around his waist.

He looks down at B then, finding her in his arms for the second time that day, in almost the exact same way. Again, he feels time stop the moment his arms wrap themselves around her body, only this time she had her arms around his waist as well. Her face was buried in his chest, the top of her head inches away from his chin, the smell of her lavender-scented shampoo taking over his senses, his hands resting on the curves of her waist.

Only now it felt completely different.

When he hugged her this morning, it felt like everything in the world was falling into place, the feeling hitting him so suddenly with such clarity, as if time seemed to stop as he was hit with the realization that he was falling in love.

As he hugged her now, it felt like everything in the world was falling apart, the horrible feeling hitting him as he felt his heart sink deeper and deeper, as if time seemed to stop as he was hit with the reality that she was Yeonjun’s, that what he felt for her was wrong, that he could never let his feelings for her go past what they were now, that he probably shouldn’t even be hugging her anymore.

“Thanks, Soobinie.” she says in response to how he had congratulated Yeonjun.

“No problem, B.” he says, lifting a hand up to gently stroke her hair, taking a deep breath and taking in her lavender scent, savoring the warmth of her body against his one last time, telling himself he’d never hug her like this for as long as he could handle it. As he lays his chin gently at the top of her head, his eyes meet Taehyun’s, who was standing behind her, staring at him with a sad look in his eyes.

Soobin squeezes his eyes shut, prolonging the hug for a moment longer, before finally pulling away, looking directly at her eyes. She was glowing, her face flushed yet radiant, her smile so big that it was visible under her mask, she looked so so happy that it made his heart ache, knowing that the next few words he’d speak out loud would kill him yet knowing that he meant every bit of it.

“I’m happy for you.”

•°•   

Author’s note:

Hello, thank you for reading! I’m trying to get more familiar with Tumblr, so if you have any suggestions or comments don’t be afraid to drop them! (PS I’m not even sure how to reply to comments, that’s how bad I am at using Tumblr lol but I promise that all replies are highly appreciated!!) PS: Happy 1 year anniversary/birthday, MOA! <3 Also: STREAM DRAMA MV!

[stusbunker]

Home is Where She Is

For Better or Worst Series: Chapter Nine

Featuring: Sam Winchester x Emery Simmons-Winchester OFC

Season 14 AU

Word Count: 2304

Summary: Sam talks to someone he probably shouldn’t, Dean hones in on something going on back on Earth, a flashback and someone makes up Sam’s mind for him.

Warnings: I had a really hard time with this chapter due to recent events. Please read with caution. Drunk!Sam, Angst, Negative Self Talk, Unexplained Phenomenon, Magical Persuasion, Angst.

Series Masterlist

^*^*^

For this reason, when I could stand it no longer, I sent to find out about your faith. I was afraid that in some way the tempter had tempted you and that our labors might have been in vain. -1 Thessalonians 3:5

              He wasn’t tasting anything, it hadn’t the time to settle on the tongue, it was shot back into his throat. Fast, hot, burning, crawling through his veins over the anger and into the tension in his chest and shoulders. Sam wasn’t an angry drunk, but he was an obvious one. Even after years knocking back the hard stuff alongside Dean, Sam had a limit and he had already surpassed it. The baseball game in the background kept the mood light as his fingers picked at the label of his beer. Something he hadn’t ordered, but what the bartender brought back instead of another double.

              Was this Becky all over again?

              Sam laughed mirthlessly at himself; who gets hit the same way twice? A shitty hunter, that’s who. He shook his head and tipped back the beer, letting the sour liquid coat his tongue and catch in the back of his mouth before emptying into a deep swallow. He heard laughter as a group entered, the sound melodious, sticking out above the rest of the noise surrounding him. He ignored it as the voice faded into the mumble of the group. The bartender started talking the Rockies’ bullpen and Sam fudged his way through the conversation, asking open ended questions to keep the man engaged. It was nice to talk to someone without expectations, to exist at the surface level of things.

              The distraction was short lived. Sam pouted as the bartender suggested something to eat but nodded and acknowledged the offer after a dizzying trip to the bathroom. It was then that the peace of the superficial was broken.

              “Well, look who is out of the house and off his leash,” Cady’s voice goaded from the high-top table across the way. Sam closed his eyes and sighed, trying to ignore the itch to reply. He wasn’t sure he could stop himself from slurring his comeback. He kept his eyes on the screen. Her friends seemed to ignore her sudden outburst and the din continued, but her voice repeatedly rose above the general conversation, reminding him he was being watched. Not a comforting feeling, especially for one who preferred the other side of observation.

              Sam started spinning his wedding band on the bar, getting lost in the reflection as it crossed through the glass of water he received with his burger. It wasn’t anything flashy, but the ring reminded him of his wedding night, the glimmering circle in Emery’s eyes. The promise and the pact. He slid the cooled metal back on to his hand, familiar now in weight and position. Somewhere between that night and now things got complicated and he had been duped. How could he be sure it wasn’t her fault? What better way to keep him in line than make him forget he made a deal in the first place? Make him forget who he was at all.

              “Somebody is awfully quiet over here,” Cady’s voice came out as a husky whisper, her hand perched on his seatback. Sam inhaled and smiled back sloppily.

              “Cady! Enjoying yourself?” Sam asked, eyes not quite open. “How were finals?”

              She squinted at him before biting back a huge grin. “Good, yeah. Sam?”

              “Hmm?” Sam replied, gesturing to the empty seat beside him. She plopped down and turned to face him, resting her cheek in her palm against the bar. Interest and mischief battled over her features.

              “Are you seriously drunk right now?” She smiled at the bartender who shared her summation.

              Sam gave her the side eye as air puffed out of his lips in disbelief. “Do I look drunk?”

              “Um, yeah, you’re totally sloshed. I like it. I don’t think I’ve seen you relax before,” Cady trailed off, eyes sparkling as his lips scrunched up against his nose.

              “That’s because you only see me at work. Not really the place to relax, or drink, for that matter,” Sam adds like it is some untold wisdom.

              “I suppose,” Cady chuckles. “But we’re not at work now.”

              “We—are not,” Sam agreed. “But don’t try hitting on me again. It wasn’t fun last time.”

              Cady giggled and rolled her eyes as the bartender pretended not to hear their conversation.

              “Yeah, that was pretty dumb of me, huh?” Cady leaned forward grabbing Sam’s left hand. “What with you being happily married and all.”

              Sam’s face crumbled for the briefest second, his brow and lips unsure what they wanted to convey. He watched her inspect his ring, pulling back when she tried to take it off.

              “Don’t be like that,” Sam said over a pointed finger. Cady held up her hands in surrender, laughing at his unintimidating tone.

              “What are you even doing here? Drinking to drink?” Cady continued to prod.

              Sam shrugged, draining the last drops of his beer. He didn’t want to move on to the water, not yet. Dejectedly he started picking at his fries, dragging the plate towards Cady as she hadn’t stopped eying him eat. She took one and chewed on in carefully.

              “Why are you drinking, Sam?” Cady tried again.

              “Do you ever think about how much we change food to make it taste good? How many things are done to a potato to make it into a fry? When the potato itself is food, but we have to peal it and slice into it and just scald it in oil to make it desirable?”

              “Can’t say that I have thought about it lately. Where are you going with this?” Cady took another fry and looked over to her friends.

              “You can go, you know. You’ll have more fun over there. I’m not close-the-bar kind of fun,” Sam lamented.

              “Oh, I bet you could be,” Cady reassured, but stood anyway.

              Sam gave her a sad smile and a gentle nod. “Be safe?”

              “You too. I’m not going anywhere, if you need a ride, okay?” Cady looked back to the bartender before giving Sam a one-armed hug. He pulled his face away from the embrace but patted her forearm all the same. He didn’t know how he felt anymore.

^*^*^

              Everything she touched crumbled in the end. Emery stood feeling utterly helpless as Sam walked out of the house. His phone remained on the charging dock attached to the Bluetooth speaker which they kept opposite the stovetop; she wouldn’t be able to find him if she tried. If he went after the angels, they were dead or as good as. She wasn’t sure what would happen if he simply left her there and returned to his old life. He needed something out of this arrangement just as she did, but was it enough to keep him there?

              Baffled, Emery tossed the remnants of Sam’s meal and started loading the dishwasher. Once the mess in front of her face was cleaned up, her mind started to spiral. She headed to put away her shoes, taking the stairs dejectedly. As she closed the door to her closet, their oversized bed silently mocked her. Her sudden domestic bliss wasn’t reverting to the bitter stalemate it had been, it was completely unraveling. And yet she couldn’t quite understand why she was taking it so personally, why this felt more like a rejection than a jumbled negotiation. Why Sam walking away to clear his head was immediately equated as a failure on her part.

^*^*^

              Dean felt many things behind the wheel of the phantom Baby with Michael at his side: fear, resolve, annoyance, and panic, just to name a few. What he felt that night, though it was perpetually night, was something new and it made him that much more alert. In a word, it was defeat. He glanced over to the smug bastard angel to see if he felt it as well, but Michael was the same as ever. Dean fixed his grip on the wheel and sank shallowly into the sensation, the need to find the source and the fear of what it meant steadying his descent.

              Suddenly, the rearview mirror flickered from the repetitive retreating streetlights onto a bedroom, big and bright, centered around a very inviting bed. Suddenly a woman appeared, followed by a mutt. She spread across the comforter and stroked the opposite pillow as the dog circled at the foot of the bed. Dean didn’t know how, but he knew her even to the point where her name was on the tip of his tongue. Trying to hold his reactions in check, he continued to watch her as she began to sniffle, love lost flowing to him from upon the silent screen.

              Suddenly, she sat up and dragged herself to her feet, a voice both faint and coaxing reached through the void. “Let’s go Banders, if Sam’s not coming back, we really do have the whole place to ourselves.”

              “Oh look, another dog,” Michael slipped in, unimpressed. Dean rolled his eyes and looked back to see her before she left the room, but the darkness behind them had returned across the mirror.

^*^*^

Sam was starting to feel the sofa in his bones, the nights he refused to sleep in the bed with Emery began to accumulate in his joints. Bedraggled he rolled down onto the floor where Bandit found him doing his morning push-ups. After going through his regular routine, Sam went upstairs to shower and change. He knocked on the door to the room he no longer claimed as his, though it was where all of his clothing was kept. As he opened the door, Sam was greeted with a considering smirk on his wife’s face. Emery’s hazel eyes seemed to sparkle with untold gratitude and the sheer pleasantness of her expression dazzled him.

She had always been beautiful, his original appraisal hadn’t changed with the waning of the wedding spell’s magic. But that morning Emery’s beauty radiated out like a fireplace, warm and inviting, comfort at last. Sam actually sighed as an awkward grin bent his lips and he gave her a small wave.

“Uh, sorry, I thought you were done,” Sam apologized and started backing away.

“No, it’s okay!” Emery blushed. “I didn’t say anything, because I was hoping to surprise you back.” She adjusted a glinting bottle on her dresser top before speaking again, Sam confused, waited to see what she meant.

“I can’t believe it has been a month already, can you?” Emery slipped into her shoes and glanced at Sam over her shoulder.

“I guess not,” Sam agreed, still slightly dumbfounded by the new aura she held. They looked at each other, in the eye, the first time in weeks without annoyance or trepidation and shared a shy smile.

“Anyway, I’m done, have at it.” Emery paused at the door, sounding hopeful. “See ya after work?”

Sam nodded casually. The closing door sent a waft of jasmine back to him.

^*^*^

              Cady whistled as she pulled up to the curb outside the obscenely well-lit corner house. Sam grunted in the backseat as Cady’s roommate shoved him back to his side of the bench seat.

              “Dude, we’re here,” an unfamiliar voice pulled Sam from the depths of sleep, with a jarringly familiar phrase.

              “Yeah, I’m up,” Sam muttered, wiping the drool from his beard. Looking up at the house from the sedan’s backseat made him feel nine years old, the two-story monstrosity looming above, like all those that waited until his dad could vanquish its past. Instead of ghosts or even ghouls, it held forgotten truths and guilt, the shame of his outburst and the distrust of months of affection. He didn’t remember asking them to take him home.

              “You okay from here, stud?” Cady called from the driver’s seat.

              Sam croaked out something close to a ‘who the hell knows,’ but recovered with a decisive throat clear. “Yep, thanks.”

Like a new foal, Sam pulled himself out of the tiny backseat, unfurling his limbs until his feet steadied underneath him. Slapping the roof with two quick pats, Sam was off, heading back to the place that he couldn’t seem to leave.

              The security system was armed, causing Sam to grab for a weapon that was not in his belt, before he staggered toward the keypad beside the front door, that they never used. He groaned in relief while the disabled chime rang out. He squinted in the dark, trying to gain his bearings in the silent house. If Sam had been closer to sober, he would have been surprised that Bandit hadn’t come to greet him, if not concerned that the alarm hadn’t woken Emery.

              He stumbled into the Den, not wanting to ascend the stairs or set down his pride just yet. After nearly whiffing on the two steps leading into the sunken room, Sam caught himself on the archway. A slight growl came from seemingly nowhere. Slowly, Sam focused on the sight before him, emotion burned deep into his chest, causing the breaths to heave as he tried to meter their intensity. Bandit was pinned to Emery’s side as she slept, but the dog’s tail wagged once he saw it was Sam. Ever the dutiful boy, Bandit let his snout fall back into the crook of Emery’s arm. Seeing them huddled together like that, almost like they had been waiting up for him, damn near broke Sam in half.

              He lowered himself down onto the stairs, elbows falling to his bent knees as he cried. He cried out of frustration of having a life so tangible and impractical, for wanting to keep it. He cried because he was drunk and when he wasn’t sappy happy; he got morose. But mostly he cried because he was so relieved that she stayed, but so terrified that he could no longer rely on his feelings to guide him. Sure, he was smart, but his instincts came from inside and without those, who was he?

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Read On: An Olive Branch and A Crossroads