#this is honestly just 2am rambling for me so… here

[littledreamling]

I'm already regretting asking but I just came across you Sad Dreamling Headcanon™ and you hinted in your first post about it at more thoughts and feelings on it, would you like to spill them ? *braces herself*

Sorry for the unreasonably late response 😅 life got away from me but I’m finally back on my angst bullshit!

A fair few of my thoughts about these posts boil down to incoherent internal sobbing, laughing, and screaming.

Once we get past that, however, my mind turns towards the inevitable question: what happens next?

Obvious comic spoilers (and a warning that I haven't finished the comics, nor do I have easy access to the ending so any mistakes are... now part of the AU because I said so)

----

Daniel takes on the mantle of Dream of the Endless. He's not sure he ever had a choice; he's not sure he would've said no even if he did. Morpheus had prepared him for the ascension, his memories behind a thin gossamer veil, both his and not his. Nothing, however, could've prepared him for this.

The first pang had felt like what he assumed a heart attack would feel like: a vice grip around the heart he didn't have. But it was his first moment of consciousness in his new body and the pain was overshadowed by the overwhelming onslaught of memories and knowledge that flooded his brain, a tidal wave of Dream of the Endless. The pain fell by the wayside, minuscule in comparison.

By the time he had gotten used to the crushing weight in his mind, he had gotten so busy that he didn't have time to pay attention to his physical body. He wasn't even totally sure he had a physical body anymore. His inherited realm was in ruins, invaded and destroyed by the Kindly Ones, left to rot. One by one, he restored his precious dreams and nightmares, beings that he had intimate memory of lovingly created, despite never having touched them before. His skin was new; his subconscious was not.

There was one part of the Dreaming, however, that refused to heal. It was a void, a dark stain in the very fabric of his realm. It relocated so often that he didn't even notice it at first; indeed, it took far too long for the moving black hole to catch his attention. It took even longer for him to realize it was expanding. Not enough to be spotted immediately, just enough to be concerning.

He doesn't investigate it alone. He might've inherited his mind from Morpheus, but his common sense came from forces beyond even his predecessor. Lyta Hall hadn’t given birth to a fool.

He takes Matthew with him. Matthew had become an invaluable ally in his painfully short journey of ascension and they make their way, together, towards the black hole, watching as it writhes and twists in the air, unnatural and revolting. When Matthew cannot make heads or tails of the strange void, Daniel calls for Merv. He stomps up, a cigarette clamped between his pumpkin lips, and promptly declares ignorance, every other word an expletive that Daniel, had he been mortal, had he been human, would not have heard for another two decades.

It is Lucienne who approaches, hesitantly, almost apologetically.

“My Lord,” she hedges, “your siblings are at the gates, requesting an audience.”

Daniel has never had siblings before. Now he has six. He suddenly finds himself nervous, in ways that he’s not sire he could ever articulate, if pressed. He’s suddenly intimately aware of his own youth.

“Dream,” Desire greets when the gates open, oddly solemn. Perhaps not oddly. Their brother has just died. Their brother is standing before them. It is a solemn affair. Death and Despair, too, are grim-faced. This, too, is not odd. Daniel knows this.

“Do not call me that,” he says, though he knows not why. Dream is who he is. Dream of the Endless. No one else can possess the mantle. Morpheus has no claim to it anymore. “My name is Daniel.”

“Daniel,” Death greets, and it sends a wave of warmth through him. He had not realized that Dream of the Endless played favorites so heavily among his own family.

“Death. Desire. Despair.”

He greets each of them in turn. Daniel will not play favorites. Clean slate.

“Daniel,” Desire starts, then stops. Daniel has never known Desire to have shame or reluctance. “I have no doubt that you have noticed.”

Daniel tilts his head. He says nothing. Morpheus had bestowed upon him a healthy respect for the impact of silence.

“The remnants,” Desire continues. “Of Morpheus’… desire.”

“The void.” Daniel confirms. “It is growing. It is… my desire?”

“It is the desire of Dream of the Endless,” Desire says. “Passed down from Morpheus to you, an unlucky hand of cards.”

Daniel wants to close the gates, suddenly. He does not want to hear any more ways in which his predecessor failed. His realm of ruins has been enough.

“Daniel,” Death says. “It will continue to grow. It’s not a desire you can get rid of. It’s inherited love for a man you will never meet.”

“Hob Gadling.”

Daniel does not miss the way Death flinches at the name.

“Hob is dead,” Despair speaks up for the first time. “The love that Morpheus had for him lives on. It has nowhere to go. It will consume you and your entire realm. Morpheus started a cycle that no one can stop. Dream of the Endless will cease, doused by Endless Devotion.”

Silence descends. It is a peculiar silence, only possible in the Dreaming; a complete stillness, a bated breath, an enduring flatline, moments or hours before a restarted heartbeat.

“Morpheus spelled my doom.” Daniel says. It is not a question.

“I am here to offer my hand,” Death replies. “My gift. You need not suffer under what Morpheus has wrought.”

“And if I do? If Despair spoke truly, my death will achieve nothing,” Daniel says. “An endless cycle.” It is difficult not to place emphasis on his newly-received family name. If his siblings are to be believed, he will not wear it for long. “If Despair spoke truly, my successor will suffer the same fate, and their successor beyond. Dream of the Endless will cease.”

There are no answers; the Endless siblings have none to give.

“Thank you, my siblings,” Daniel says at last. “I must return to my realm. Morpheus has left me with many pressing issues, his devouring love notwithstanding. I must attend to as many of my duties as I can before passing on my helm.”

True to his word, Daniel continues his function, restoring his realm to its former glory, shining and resplendent, steadfastly fighting against the ever-growing darkness that ravages every corner of the Dreaming it brushes against. Daniel can feel it, in the hollow space behind his ribs, an expanding mass of anguish; the love of a dead man for a dead man.

Time works differently in the Dreaming. It could have been decades, centuries, millennia. In the end, it doesn’t matter. Daniel is dying. The Dreaming is dying. Darkness presses against the throne room door, the last standing fragment of his beloved realm. His subjects huddle together, scared, their gazes drawn again and again to the stone door, cracking and splintering against the weight.

Daniel knows what he must do. His death will ensure the continuation of the Dreaming, if only for a short while. There is power in youth, power enough to stave off such overwhelming grief. His successor will have power Daniel only had upon first ascending. Power to keep the Dreaming alive. Power Daniel no longer has. It is time.

“Death,” Daniel says. “I am ready.”

[spikeinthepunch]

thinking real hard about that new content in Painful bc i really love it-- while Painful did work well without more blatant explanations on Marty, Lisa, or Brad's past, it also meant there was some stuff I just never learned if i didnt play First at least (and my second play through of Painful brought even MORE clarity to me), and well honestly I just enjoy the deeper explorations of these characters. I already rambled about this content in a 2am post messily but now I am thinking hard about the cycle of abuse- specific to Brad and the general theme of new content in general being about how deeply rooted abuse is, improvement of yourself, letting go of guilt & anger and the importance of love.

in order to better break down the new content and how it adds things to the story i transcribed the new content-- queen's campfire dialog, mad dog's campfire dialog, and two large pieces of dialog from the nightmare scene. parallels! parallels everywhere! I uploaded it as a text file if you want to read it all yourself :)

also this means this post will be long as fuck. there are so many cool things to connect here.

This new content in Painful does a lot to express the years of shit Brad went through that further fed his issues. And while most of this ends up focusing on Marty (which I do thinks its important to not just throw Lisa on screen, her purpose is still as being 'off screen' for effect) it greatly helps Brad's character and the flashback to Lisa and him playing together or their convo before Brad runs away- fantastic addition alongside Buddy's later instance of putting makeup on Brad (made me extra sad)- and it 'humanizes' Lisa more. She existed- she was a sister with a brother and they hung out and had fun and they talked. etc. They existed in the same house and they endured horrible things.

I feel like this new content kind of hammered in the family like... the affect of abusive families. And what Brad has been missing from a normal upbringing, what he's lost after all this time because of abuse, and what he is desperately trying to get out of Buddy. At the end of the fight with flesh-mound Marty (we will be talking about this A LOT), this part especially feels like it reflects Brad's inability to not see Buddy as the redemption he needs, what he feels is the only thing to save him:

But if you stop. …if you do this. It's over. Dead. You know what happens. We can't let her out. She… She's gonna hurt us so bad.

Which also, I think parallels to Lisa too-- honestly. so much of what alludes to Lisa works well for Buddy and vise versa, for obvious reasons.

But the nightmare really just... you really get the feeling for how fucking exhausting it is. Brad is so tired and he's trying so hard. But the thought that says he will be like his father feels deep rooted- its his blood, Marty lives inside him, he can't fight it hard enough.

this next section of the flesh-mound boss fight ending has a clear conflict in his own thoughts. He recognizes it's all so tiring and it needs to be let go. But then it turns into anger at himself. And more likely recalling the tough words of wisdom his father gave him (or his grandpa too)

I know you're tired. All this anger. These memories. So many scars. So many mistakes. It all stings… So let it all go. You don't deserve it. The guilt is gonna kill you. Why can't you just let go? Be a man. When they hand you their heart. You don't bare yours. You eat it. Consume everything. Puke it up. Then eat it again. Eat like a dog. You know it only takes one taste. You know better than me. It's so fucking easy. And if you never stop… It feels so good.

Fun fact! The "When they hand you their heart. You don't bare yours. You eat it. Consume everything." gets referenced slightly in the new Joyful content, where Brad's friends are trying to recall some words of wisdom which they only recall as "Sometimes you need to just... Eat your heart out. Or something." Which implies Brad likely told them this line to some extent.

Oof. Probably my favorite excerpt from the boss dialog. Consume Everything. Puke it up, eat it again.... You know it only takes one taste. You know better than me... Marty's own behavior comes out here as he encouraged Brad similarly in other scenes. He's the one that's is in fact forcing Brad to get a "taste" of this. (Look back at the 'father' epilogue in Joyful). But he also makes Brad think that this is always all on him- by giving him the responsibility of "this is how men should be", it takes blame off of Marty and puts it on Brad for not "being a man" and thus, repeating these behaviors in a way that is often told to him as justified and as the right way to act.

He is constantly guilted and programed to this behavior in an extreme way by Marty taunting him, belittling and validating his own abusive behavior.

Let me cut over to Mad Dog's campfire scene. Yep! I promise its related (to me).

[cut to here. He is referring to what (seems to be) something his father said.] When I'm ready to die. We fight. You have to beat me. Then you will eat me. A dog in a dog in a dog in a dog. Hellacious. Miserable cycle. Never stop. Make. Us. More. Madness is a small cost. For power greater than love. […] Strength is our family. [Scene pans down the cliffs showing more and more skulls of humans and dogs hiden under ground. the next text appears on screen]: I love you… But I really have to go. [At the bottom of the cliffs, a spider much like the Marty-spiders appears, but with Brad's face instead.]

While this is something Mad Dog is saying as if its something his own father said to him, it seems pretty clear you can see the parallel to Brad. Honestly its way too accurate to ignore lol. the first line is strangely similar to things Marty says in the nightmare fight, and the "Dog in a dog" clearly feels very similar to the "eat like a dog" in that earlier quote i gave. Whats even more weird is the scene is pans through.

(Again not taking away from Mad Dog's own story, just explaining the parallel). The skulls that become more and more in the dirt feel like a metaphor for all the years of abuse, and the cycle of it. Now the Brad-spider? That surprised me.

Taking-

I love you… But I really have to go.

Feels like something related to Buddy. And I think this as well because of the spider at the end. Marty-spiders always felt like they were supposed to show how his effect is always there and you might now know where. His abuse still exists even in the smallest form. For a Brad one to be shown like that- I would read into it as how Brad is still going after Buddy, while his behavior is in fact abusive.

The hardest of it all is the imagery and the use of plural dialog too is that we really get to see how Brad feels like Marty is and always will be a part of him and that's what makes it so hard to change. And considering the above I mentioned, it makes sense.

We can't handle that, Brad. It's too painful. I'm not ready. We'll never be ready! Don't fight blood! Please! I'm fucking scared!

The desperation towards the end fits the idea of letting go of Lisa in the regard that the grief for her is also ruining Brad alongside his need to have Buddy as a way to atone for his behavior towards Dustin in the past, and try to not be like his father. And getting rid of that source is terrifying because it means a lot of scary things to him. The "us" and "we" keeps forcing that feeling that Marty is part of him, and that it really wants Brad to keep holding on because thats who he is. It is what he has been for so so long and he is terrified of letting go of grief because its what remains of Lisa in his head. And that letting go of Buddy would mean he is losing that opportunity to be the father he needs to be in order to prove he isnt like his father. These two reasons to not let go aren't good! They are not ways he should be living and he HAS to let that go.

But hey, thats not all. Let's get through the sad as fuck analysis okay? It'll get better.

As you descend a long rope as child!Brad you start to read a poem of sorts that I can only assume comes from Lisa. This excerpt also pops up in Joyful...

No friends. No brothers. No fathers. No mothers. Just me.

This gets repeated three times. Its weird but it always made me feel uneasy, and I think that is because it kind of focuses on how Lisa ends up being the core. When you apply this to Brad alone, it connects in the way that Lisa is the center of his grief and how that cancels out so much else in his life. Though i want to point out real quick-- it applies to Buddy in an interesting way that fufills their comparisons with the statues you destroy in Joyful. Very cool. And for Lisa it applies very blatantly. (No friends (Berny), No brothers (Brad), No fathers (Marty), No mothers (her own absent mom))

there is a LOT to this poem and you should look at that text post I linked to read it all. So I am just bringing up a one other part.

Deep below. A dark endless sea. A pain slumbers. One we'll never flee. Give me the strength. Let your memories set us free. So that when next we meet. I may grow into a mighty tree. [...] I know this wasn't easy. Thank you. …And Bradley, Good luck.

Oh yes, a step back to the boss dialog here, it's relevant:

I know you're tired. All this anger. These memories. So many scars. So many mistakes. It all stings… So let it all go. You don't deserve it.

This perfectly reflect points I have made up to this point regarding the way Brad holds onto his grief and even the earliest lines of the boss is trying to show him that. It's interesting that as the very start he's being so forgiving to himself then is devolves into more anger-- but here, once Brad has regressed, Lisa is the one to remind him this. I think its important to recognize how Its not about getting rid of Lisa's memory at all and this poem being spoken from Lisa (assumed) fits that. It isn't easy to recognize or to do this, it takes a whole different kind of strength.

In that text file i transcribed the end conversation between Brad & Lise where Brad says he is going to run away, but I won't be referencing it here... Do read it/watch it though.

If you read this far, good job! Just one more depressing thing though! The actual last thing said in the nightmare is great actually- for story telling. Because of course if this whole dream was trying to show that Brad has let go... well, it would kind of mess up the ending still carrying out with Brad still seeming unchanged.

Bradley, my boy. It's just not that easy. You can't save her. You can't even save yourself. After all… I'm in your veins..

Yes, thats it- thats the last part in the dream, where Brad sees a small flesh-mound Marty in blood. It doesn't ruin the fact Brad had this long ass dream. Its a great look into his mind. And how it entirely loops back. He really just... he really is stuck. You can see how damn hard he tries. But this theme of it being "in your blood" is SO fucking strong and it hurts. Because I think we all know, its not true. You are not fated to become the abuser. But god you can see how hard it truly is to fight what has been beaten into you for so long.

Right.

So looking at the parts where forgiveness are present... This pops up a bit in the new content- from this, too another campfire scene. I think the forgiveness and love sprinkled in is important to notice. A lot of people in Olathe in general are alone and without family. Brad has already been... alone, however. His family situation left him without affection, and an upbringing that left no proper parent to attach to meant he'd already not receive the affection he needed in order to give that to others properly. He had no one, and when he did finally have someone- Dustin- he still never received the love he didn't know he needed because of what was taught to him. And he did it again to Buddy.

This is obvious when you get to the end of the game. When Brad wants buddy to hold him.

And, Queen's dialog with Brad pulls a lot more of that conversation to the surface.

Being held by someone you love is the best feeling in the entire universe. […] These men out here. All this strength. This power. Your respect… you can't take it with you when you die. It wont save you. It doesn't matter how powerful you are. No ideas matter. No experience matters. None of that shit that's consumed you your whole life matters. You're completely naked in the face of death. Its terrifying. Now, a good hug. That matters. Honestly, it ain't gonna change much… dead is dead. But the way i see it. You can die afraid. Lost in your own mind. Haunted by the guilt of all your mistakes. Tormenting nightmares wondering what comes next. Or… you can be in the moment with someone you love. Someone that makes you feel like nothing else matters. Nothing could be more important than feeling each other's warmth and love. No thinking. Just feeling.

Brad's earlier chat included him bringing up how he didnt let Dustin or Buddy get physical affectionate too- theres some earlier chitchat that you may want to see in a video. But honestly the realization of how little affection Brad has received, due to Marty's influence, makes things even more depressing when you see how hard it is to let go.

Everything, everything is tied together. He can't let go. So he cant end the abuse. So he fails to ever change. So he never receives the love he truly wants and needs. By the end of the game, when you have that option to hold him, that new dialog hits even worse. And I don't think it is even to try and sway people into hugging Brad. if anything it kind of just opened up to me why Buddy shouldnt need to hold him. And how it is honestly something so much deeper. His struggle has infected everything he wants in life that he just keeps failing to have.

It depresses him, it discourages him. I can't even find more words to explain how heavy the weight is on someone like Brad after years and years of horrible abuse and never getting the help he so much needed.

[purpledaisiesthings]

Like the previous ask I am also a huge jachaela shipper and am super annoyed that they built up there relationship the whole series just to have Michaela end things.

My question is why do you think Zeeke and Michaela are endgame if he doesn’t even know who’s he is when she gets in to his cab? Like if this is before the cave then isn’t this when he’s still an addict? Honestly if some person I didn’t know hopped in to my cab and started talking about all this stuff that supposedly happens in the future I’d be beyond weirded out 😂

I have no problem with him as character but Beverly once stated that it doesn’t hold a candle to 12 years together so obviously Michaela and Jared we together for over a decade and so obviously they love each other to be together that long I mean no sane person would stay together that long with someone if they didn’t want to be with them or see a future with them.

Oh anon, get ready cos this is gonna be a long read (I apologize)😄 and I know we will still disagree but that's ok.

I feel like the point they were driving at with the show is to have these characters experience a potential future so that they can realize what they truly want and meet people they need to meet. Kinda like raising the question of, "If I know what my future will be, what will I change or choose today?" At least, that's what I think they were driving at with this whole divine consciousness thing. It's about choices.

Ben needed to meet Saanvi so she can help cure Cal and Maybe Mick needed to heal from the loss of Evie and also figure out if she truly wanted to be with Jared outside of the pain she felt.

People don't usually stay in relationships for years if they don't plan to be with them forever. But in Michaela's case she was with him for yrs and she still hesitated to marry him. Which takes me back to the whole divine consciousness experience to figure out what she wanted.

When they first met, both Zeke and Michaela didn't know who the other was. But now, from her perspective, she has experienced love with Zeke, albeit this version is still an addict like you pointed out 😄. But tbf, she has always known him to be an addict. He just got cut off from his drugs because he was stuck in that cave for a year. And then she helped him heal from the death of his sister. They both helped eachother heal. Maybe this version, in reality, is meant to do the same for him. So she has experienced what life could potentially be with both Jared and Zeke and she chose Zeke.

We don't know what that conversation is going to be like when she starts telling him all these weird stuff, that's left to our imagination I guess. But from what we've seen of Zeke's character, he's understanding and empathetic. Lol, whatever it is, we just know she chooses Zeke.

To me, Zeke and Michaela's journey together has been one where they always chose eachother. No matter what. They have been hinting at them as soulmates and endgame from the jump. I don't think it comes as a surprise that it was Zeke in the end.

I'm gonna end here cos I know I'm rambling now 😄. It's 2am for me, my thoughts are all mush

[hyperbolicgrinch]

Teehee,,, here she comes,,, to ask,,, questionnnnnsss, (no pressure of course bestie) 1, 5, 12, 13, 16, 25, 29, 33 and 34 !!! But no pressure to anything!!! no pressure to answer either <3 I’m on laptop so this is a v boring ask i apologise it won't let em format this at all :(

There she is!!!! To ask questions!!! (Bless you for fighting the laptop to send me these, ilysm 💕)

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

I simply can't. It's impossible. I never look directly at my writing so I don't know her well enough 😂

Okay, fine, fine, she's mid, that's what I'll say?? So ⭐⭐ ?? Not doing anything spectacular but gets the job done more than not?

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

Maybe my All Out!!! requested ones because I actually finished and posted them, which was a miracle 😌✌️

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

Honestly I'm really excited about a silly modern university One Piece au I'm sort of doing on the side sometimes when I need a breather from other fics. Even though I've barely written anything officially for it, it's a cumulation of all my sister's and my 2am ramblings and silly little biased ideas and I just really wanna bring them to life so she can read them. 😂

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

Ooo, if my memory serves right it was One Piece or Supernatural. I didn't ever finish or publish any of them but yeah- gateway drugs.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

Let me think, what's at the top of my head right now...

Argh, I guess I like when arseholes catch feelings for each other but still stay arseholes about it adsfggh 😅

Ohhhh and where one of them gets injured or beat up or whatever and the other dickhead is like "tell me who did this to you" while cradling their face or something hnggg 😳👉👈

Or when they've been complete dicks to each other but one of them turns up on the doorstep of the other cause they had nowhere else to go and then they have to deal with each other and they fall in luvvvv 😏

I also really am a bitch for the bastard is in love with and pining for other character (in fiction!!! In fiction!!!!). ugh if done right and pulled off well (in fiction!!!! In fiction!!!), I am unfortunately on the edge of my seat 🫣

Love me a bitch that gets jealous and starts acting out too (in fiction!!!!!) because as a bitch that do get jealous (not to that level, I am not pulling that crap, I promise) it speaks to me a little ngl 🫢

Ooooo and the fuck the whole world, I choose you thing. Like if they damn the whole world for their person/people then I'm there. I'm right there. It's gotta be done right thooooo but to be fair, it's pretty hard to mess up 😌

Okay gonna stop outing myself on main because I could go on adafgdhjy and just end with, not really a guilty pleasure, just a pleasure, but if there's a forehead press I am on the floor every time. The chef's are kissing with tongue!! Nothing like a forehead press!!! 😍

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

Okay so the big One Piece one I'm working on atm, I keep having an urge to make a sequel after it that let's me kinda do a fix it au and teams the characters up again for a joint revenge plot. I can see it in my mind but making it work is going to be a lot. Still love to daydream about it tho 😂

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

Hmm. Well atm I'm writing a lot of seggs and I'm not that (pun intended) jazed about writing it because it's not really my thing or in my wheelhouse, so that might count?

Don't know how it turned out cause it ain't finished yet but pray for me. It's a slog but the uglies must be bumped, I guess (instantly regrets saying that) 🙃

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I'd need an audience first, pfftt 🤭

Nah, um, that it takes literal years and none of that shit is written in order. It's all an illusion, babbeyyy!!

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

Crikey okay everything I'm writing at the moment is pissing me off so here's something I wrote in like 2016 and haven't touched since but that I think about often (even if I would change most of it today) because of a compliment I got on it. 😙

(It was for a Zoro pov zolu ficlet after the timeskip meet up when all the crew gets back together again in One Piece because that arc always leaves me with some damn big feelings and they have to go somewhere 👁️👄👁️)

"I'M GONNA BE KING OF THE PIRATES!"

And he will be.

And Zoro will be there when he does, because oh, he's not leaving this thundering feeling for anything in the world ever again.

He shuts his one good eye, and smiles.

The heavens will hear Luffy's name long before they ever hear his own.

[thedreamyperidot]

Very much new to tumblr, so I'm not entirely sure how all this works yet. I don't exactly know how to respond to reblogs yet so bear with me. First off, your ramblings are totally fine, don't have a problem with it at all. The reason I'm responding to you is to explain my perspective on the game and how it was handled. This mostly concerns you calling the devs lazy. (Note: I don't fault you for thinking this, nor am I upset about it. Sorry if this ends up being a super long reply lol)

I'm not going to go deep into the details of my life and who I am, but I think it's important to know that I've been taking game development classes for about 2 years now. I'm not an employee of GameFreak, or the Pokemon company, so I can't give any definitive answers on why the game came out the way it did, but I am almost certain that it isn't because the people involved were being lazy.

I'm not exactly sure how to best explain this, but from my experience with the game, it seemed like the team behind it genuinely cared about the project. The art direction completely shifted, pokemon are much more detailed now, there is an overabundance of things to see and do, and the core game is actually really fun. Character designs are great, the writing is well done, and there are so many creative ideas at play here.

Now if that is the case, why is it such a mess from a technical perspective? There is the chance that their game engine needs an update, and there is also the fact that this is their first fully open world game, but I don't think either of those are the main culprit. The two potential reasons why I think the game ended up the way it did is either a lack of time, or a lack of money.

First off, let me explain my reasoning for time. Breath of the Wild was the first Zelda game to attempt an open world. It's development started not to long after the release of Skyward Sword in 2011 with a planned release date in 2015, but got delayed to 2017. This left that team with a development time of 6 years. The dev time for Scarlet and Violet was presumably 3 years, with SwSh dlc, and Legends Arceus being developed at the same time. When you are making an open world game that has a strict deadline, some corners are definitely going to have to be cut. This deadline is set by the Pokemon Company to keep sales up while pumping out more merchandise.

My second thought is that there is not enough money going around. Before anyone says that Pokemon is the largest franchise in the world, yes I am aware, however, Gamefreak doesn't get to decide how much these games are funded; the Pokemon Company does, and they also have to balance out things like the mobile games, merchandise, the card game, the anime etc. Gamefreak only gets a small small portion of that cut. Because of this, they can't just quadruple their team size just to pump out higher quality games quicker, because The Pokemon Company wants to turn a profit.

As unfortunate as it is, this stuff isn't completely in the hands of GameFreak, and as such they don't really have much control over it. This is mostly speculation on my part, but it is a fairly educated guess. Sorry for the long winded post, but I think that the devs get treated quite unfairly by fans who think that they are the sole reason that the games won't improve in quality.

I hope my own rambling at least gave you some insight on game development, and it's many challenges and I hope this helped you understand my point of view on the subject a little bit better!

oh my god! yeah maybe saying lazy wasnt the best way to go tbh, it was 2am when I made those tags so my word choice wasnt the best (Also why I mentioned how if you disliked the tags you could let me know sjdhjfj)

I think that the points you make are completely true! Game Freak mightve cared a lot for the game but due to factors out of their control the product ended...like that. It's honestly such a shame as someone who was a huge pokemon fan since they were 8, seeing the series suffer due to capitalism has been incredibly disheartening.

Thank you for this ask! I appreciate your thoughts in this and I understand my wording might not have been the best.

[biscuityskies]

I think it did strike me at this very moment (1:47am, 11 January 2023) just how unhinged tumblr is to me, specifically. And blogs, in general. Allow me to explain.

I come from a somewhat long and arguably very not rich history on Twitter. Multi-faceted, perhaps, but honestly really just a whole bunch of people following me for reasons that I really could not say. Having joined Twitter at a time when I was still figuring out who I was (see also: high school) and then gaining a sudden influx of followers due to reasons I believe were fandom related, those numbers went directly to my head, and I of course began to base my self worth off of them. Is this a good thing? Absolutely not! Have I done the same thing with my AO3 account? For frickin sure! And yet, Twitter is simply me yelling into the utter void, and the void doing jack shit about it.

I made a blog on tumblr at the encouragement of my sister several years ago, because it was where she spent most of her time, and she has a specific tag for me, and I thought it was HILARIOUS that that was something that one could just… do, tag their sibling in posts for said sibling to then peruse later. So, of course I made a blog.

I then ghosted this bitch. It took the near-death experience of Twitter to bring me back to tumblr, where I promptly rediscovered my love for Star Wars, and made a post about it. A POST THAT IS STILL GETTING NOTES. It has over 100 at this point, and it’s SUCH a change of pace, because while on Twitter everything is fast-paced and nothing I say usually gets anything more than two likes, I make one post about this ship I suddenly discovered that I ran headlong into and it’s still getting notes I think well over a month after I made it.

Now, that brings me to my usage of “unhinged”. Literally, “off one’s hinges”. My hinges had been defined to me for the past five years as screaming soundlessly into the void of space and not expecting a reply. I scream about Codywan on Twitter and nothing happens, literally so many tweets go by without a single like (yet now I know exactly how many people see it and don’t interact, have i ever mentioned how fucking stupid an update—). I say one thing about Codywan on tumblr, and it’s still getting notes. And as long as there are Codywan shippers, likely will CONTINUE to get notes, which is also kinda wacky.

Idk. At least here I can yell into the void at 2am and if the void doesn’t answer back I don’t feel bad because I genuinely have no clue how many followers I have, how does this site even work pls I’m still new here

(Also it’s very nice being able to ramble in one post in well over 240 characters. And also formatting?????? What a gift)

[drunktuesdays]

Dude your alpha 4 alpha work is so intriguing to me. I don’t even know who these guys are but I love the concept. I have a few questions about it so bear with me:

Do you ever plan on making a bigger ao3 fic of it? I mean I like the format it’s in right now just wondering.

Next, do you ever see Eddie letting Garcia take charge? And if so, to what extent? Like would he bottom? Or would he let Garcia top from the bottom? I guess I’m wondering how Eddie’s turning point will look?

Also the story is paused with Garcia hurt and confused right now and my heart can’t take it lol. Does Eddie seek him out for a change?

Thank you for all your fic btw. I’ve read everything you’ve written about all these guys I don’t know lol. Honestly to me trusting the writer is more important than the fic universe or knowing the characters. That’s how I got into wresting fic in the first place. Because of you and longnationalnightmare. Whatever you write I know I’ll like. Simple as that. Anyways sorry for the ramble. 🫢😊💛

This is an absolutely wonderful ask and thank you so much for sending it. You are an absolute sweetheart, and these are my favorite kind of asks to receive!!!!

Do you ever plan on making a bigger ao3 fic of it?

Never say never—potentially if I wrap it up in a satisfying way I'll probably slap it on AO3 for preservation purposes, but the appeal of doing this for me is how casual it is. I tend to work on it when I'm stuck on another project or in some way creatively blocked, because it's so low-pressure. The segments don't need to connect to each other, I don't have to get stressed about transitions or hitting the right number of beats. I can just roll over at 2am and think "what if Eddie shaved Garcia's chest and then jerked him off," and then do it in an absolute fugue state and then hit post after barely even running spellcheck. I'm a very very slow writer when it's a project I care deeply about—I average 300-700 words a writing session, and so if I'm writing a 20K fic, that shit will take me months. But doing these one-offs without pressure is pretty freeing. It's just for fun! So it's doubtful I'll ever go back and write the connecting tissue between installments or smooth out some of the jagged edges, but potentially it'll go on AO3 just to keep it preserved.

I guess I’m wondering how Eddie’s turning point will look?

Not to be like, "I'm painting the Sistine chapel here" because again, this isn't something I'm working very very hard on, but the undercurrent of this story is meant to be—the story starts out where Eddie is in the driver's seat. He's comfortable, confident, experienced, and Garcia's unsure, ruled by his unpredictable emotions, nakedly wanting things and being unable to get them for himself. Eddie likes that, and he's comfortable in that place. But as the story progresses, Garcia's realizing that how Eddie views the world limits them. Eddie puts guardrails on them and their interactions that he's not even really conscious he's doing. Garcia saying "it's important to you that people stay in the roles you give them," is a strangely insightful moment from him as he starts getting his feet under himself as a man, as an alpha, and as a sexual partner. And there DOES need to be a turning point where Eddie recognizes that, but it's not easy. neither of these two men are particularly emotionally regulated or emotionally healthy, which is why they're currently not speaking to each other. I think probably Eddie's "yikes, I think I've been in the wrong....." point is coming, but I haven't mapped out exactly how it's going to be laid out (see above, i've freed myself from outlining) but it certainly could come in the the form of Eddie letting Garcia top or at least take charge. Literally have not even begun to think about it, but you're right that the beats of the story require Eddie to say "I see you" with his actions in some concrete way.

Also the story is paused with Garcia hurt and confused right now and my heart can’t take it lol.

lmao I know, I am a monster....I did intend to work on it this week, and I DO have half a page started but here's the thing.....I did sort of have Eddie lashing out backstage...............and I know you said you don't know these men so I'll tell you that this week, wrestling fandom has been Discoursing as they found out Eddie was suspended for losing his temper backstage, so now it feels very Ripped From The Headlines. So i think for my own comfort, I have to rewrite some stuff to make it not accidentally eroticizing a weird real life drama.

I HOPE YOU FOUND THIS A SATISFYING RESPONSE. Thank you for sending it, and THANK U for loving me and @longnationalnightmare's stories. I really really appreciate all the people who have stuck with me as i've sunk into this weird little fandom for TWO YEARS now. You guys are angels and I love you very much.

[taegularities]

Ok hello again, lovely Rid 💕💕

I'll try to keep this as short as I can because I need to go to sleep but we all now I'm not very good at that.

First of all please don't ever apologise for when you're able to reply to my rambles, I really really appreciate that you respond to them at all, and so thoughtfully at that.

Also, I totally get you about being scared that you won't have time or energy to write anymore. Sometimes I'm so exhausted that I can't even muster up the energy to go on tumblr at all, let alone create something. There will definitely be times when you're too tired and can't write or be on here at all, but I truly believe that if you let yourself rest at those times, there will also be moments where you'll have the energy and inspiration you need. So please take care of yourself and get as much rest as you can when you need it <3

And last but not least, these snippets are killing me as always. The switch from the angst to Jungkook being all soft and saying please and I'm sorry??? It makes my mind go foggy to be honest, and I can't even process how I feel about it 😔 And Heaven to You just sounds so.... 😳😳😳 when you drop it on us unexpectedly, I will definitely be passing out.

I'll keep it at that for now lmao, I'm going to bed. I hope you get some good sleep too, Rid 💞💞💞

goodness, it's past 2am for you, but you still dropped by jfkshkjfs have i ever told you that i appreciate tf out of you?

and yeah... okay 😭 i just felt bad, bc you took your commute time to message me and i just got to breathe properly kdfjfds but i'll keep that in mind 🥺 also yes, i'm pretty sure there'll be times when i'll be m.i.a, and i'm so not looking forward to them :( if it was just the job, i'd be able to manage. but who knows! maybe i'll still find the time to relax and write hehe <3

the snippets... literal tiny teasers, aren't they? 😭 i'm honestly not kidding when i say that the next few chapters will be interesting. i feel like they'll change a lot – kind of like the series' highlights? or so i hope! LMFAO AND HEAVEN TO YOUUUU. it's so so hard keeping it a secret. it's gonna be... something. i'm so excited !!

and yes go go go !! have a good night and sleep well, babe. i shall rest soon, too <333

[anxiety-and-fandoms]

Intro Carrd 2.0!!! If you'd rather read it on here or want some bonus extra information then just click 'read more' :D

Hello! My name is Plague- or, at least, that's what most people call me. I honestly make up a new name to go by every day at this point. Some other popular examples are Foxglove, Void, Asterisk, & Anx! If you want to call me another name feel free to ask (I don’t bite)!

I use any pronouns!! Get wild with it!! Mix and match and make up new ones as you see fit!! My sexuality is a bit all over the place (still trying to find out if I like everybody or nobody) but you just need to know I'm Queer.

Also I'm a minor, so if you're not into minors interacting with you I am 100% okay with you blocking me.

Speaking of which, I'm chill with people blocking me in general. Curate an internet experience that makes you happy, and skip the arguing that wastes both of our time :)

My username really sums up my general vibes on here. Anxiety is modern events, donation posts, hating capitalism, complaining about writer's block, etc., while Fandoms is artwork, actual writing, rambling about ocs, and, well, fandoms. You'll see a lot of MCYT (specifically Hermitcraft, Empires, and Traffic Smp, never DSMP) and Minecraft in general, the Riordanverse, the occasional musical theater (Newsies, TGWDLM, etc.) plenty of dungeons and dragons (both my own personal worlds along with Dimension 20 and JRWI) and much more I'm probably forgetting!!

While I do have a sort of Cryptid aesthetic (tm) when it comes to my names, I promise I am nice :)

I'm chill with whatever as long as you're not hurting anybody or making anybody feel unsafe. My reactions to new things tend to be '!!!! New thing!!!!' which was certainly the case for things like agere, otherkin, and neopronouns. I'm also accepting of all religions, gender identities and sexualities (besides the obvious sexualities that are used to mock the community or otherwise hurt it, such as superstraights, along with MAPs and Zoophiles). Racists and TERFs and other bigots should find their exit now. NSFW blogs are also suggested to not interact, with me being a minor n all.

I will never be mad at you for saying hi, so feel free to pop into my askbox/messages if you want to chat!

Also if you want to ramble to me or teach me something or whatever just drop it in my askbox!! Especially the teaching one, I am always happy to learn new and interesting things!!

PLEASE tell me if I made a mistake (alas, I am privileged in many varieties), I am always willing to fix any harmful behavior or tag any TWs or etc!!!

as you can tell, I talk a lot. Most of my tags refer to me as 'the shapeshifter' (pfp lore) so just check out 'the shapeshifter speaks' or 'the shapeshifter rambles' or 'the shapeshifter writes' or etc. if you want to see me talk more. I have plenty other tags as well, such as 'friendship my beloved' (mutuals), 'void and the anons' (anonymous asks, along with specific anons) and 'the shapeshifter's masterpost' (where I keep a list of tumblr posts I feel the need to save, whether it's because they're important or if I just find them funky)

anyways it's just about 2am at the moment so I'll leave it at this (until I decide to edit it later ofc ofc), hope the rest of your day or night is just as wonderful as you are!!

[astheskycries]

Wait how old are you?? And you’ve been on tumblr how long??

24! A few months from 25. Younger than most I’ve seen in the fandom, I think, just where I’ve usually lingered? But what corners I’ve always been in, I’m used to having friends older than me and not having been on tumblr as long. It makes me almost feel like an imposter.

Officially I’ve been on tumblr for about… 10 ish years, including the five second deleting of my blog I had regretted and then rejoined? But I didn’t get into fandom until I was about 15-16 which was the Avengers; before that I snooped onto a lot of those memey blogs with bright colored random posts (anyone remember those? Circa de 2010s? They were awful) and I never used it. When I got REALLY into fandom, so about 17 when it wasn’t the fluffy Avengers and it became more celebrities and coming of age, it was before people were watching it as much so I was one of those people I now don’t like (you live and learn), and many people on here that I’ve known and spoken to since joining basically watched me grow up- @avenger-nerd-mom and @thewife101 pop into mind as some I spoke to briefly back then but not much until I was like 17? @chirsevans and @fantastic-fantasy-fanfics are the loves of my life and I adore them forever after years of friendship with the most beautiful souls ever. @lemonsandstrawberries Is my tumblr mom who I discovered when I first got into fandom and learned that my tickle kink was totally normal (Mom!!!) and @imagine-assembling-the-avengers is another I’ve known forever and lets me claim as a tumblr mom. @whostheblondegirl I’ve basically followed since I discovered the Chris Evans fandom and I’ve always adored her.

LONG STORY SHORT… I’ve been on tumblr since I was a pre-teen, done a lot of the bad no-nos, and grew up with some amazing people to guide me. Now I try to write- and have been reposting old fics to help me get inspired again- and try to help others not make the same mistakes I did with the hellsite 🤷🏻‍♀️ Its been a rocky road and while some things I will forever regret (that honestly I think everyone growing up does), others I wouldn’t because of how I’ve grown and been able to not only make amends and be friends with some people I had wronged, but use it to try to promote positivity on here. No bullies. I try to be open for everyone to talk to, be it good bad or something I had done to upset them.

Also, those people tagged? I definitely missed some, but they’re worth the follow and love 💕

Sorry for a ramble, it’s 2am my time.

[sitp-recs]

How to you organize fics that you read? I try to create booksmarks with Drarry fics I want to read, and I do that - but then I open 70 fic recs and open 30 new taps both on my phone and on my laptop LOL I'm like that person that has enough books to read and goes to buy more books and then Im overwhelmed and just pick the next thing and not the one that has been on the waiting list for ages

Hello! I’m probably the worst person to answer this because I don’t really have a system. I tend to bookmark every fic I read and enjoy (I used to post single recs every other day which also helped me keep track, but that was a long time ago) but I have no tagging system in place to help me navigate them afterwards 🤡 as for my to-read list, basically I leave short fics on open tabs so I can choose whatever strikes my fancy at the time, and then I mark long fics for later. I can’t find the time or energy to read long stuff these days so tbh I barely check my “marked for later” history. I don’t even know how long it is by now!

I don’t make elaborate plans for my daily reads and there’s not really a pattern - sometimes I devour 3 short fics in a row, sometimes I start a 120k fic at 2am, sometimes I just can’t get into anything I start and stop reading as soon as I finish the first paragraph 🫠 honestly it’s a wild mess and I don’t even know how I keep feeding this blog at this point lol instead of sharing organization trips my word of advice would be to indulge your immediate cravings and try not to feel guilty because you haven’t checked “that one fic” in ages; fandom is supposed to be fun! Maybe download it to make sure you’ll have it even if it’s taken down and that’s it, you can visit it anytime you want!

I’ve been thinking a lot about that actually, how my reccing speed might not be helpful to those who try to keep track of my recs. I’ll try to post them within longer intervals instead of getting 2-3 lists out per day. Any kind of feedback on that is appreciated! Anyway I’m rambling here, I hope our fellow readers can offer some more interesting and effective advice than mine 🤣

[snakedogge]

huh total night-posting on the topic of "socially acceptable" mental illnesses and those tiktoks with kids being like "I came here for a mental breakdown now I think it wasn't that serious"

So I'll ramble under the cut about personal stuff - what is this Tumblr but an informal journal for myself anyways

I have had something Deeply Wrong with me for such a long time and after a complete shattering of my mind was I able to get it diagnosed and could start managing it, processing and healing

When I told people in my closest social circle at the time i quickly realized it was A Fucking Mistake. hey, here's my very serious diagnosis of being schizophrenic, I'm telling you all because I trust you and I need support

Suddenly people in my DMs "I think I hear voices too what are yours like? Mines named so and so" and I have to stress this that it wasn't somebody also with this issue coming to me for insight. Multiple people suddenly started identifying with me and leaning *into* it.

My ex who I was with at the time started saying "I think there's something wrong with me too I'm also paranoid" and then used that as a reason he couldn't work. He actually took my explanations for what I was going through and used my experience to get approved for disability through his work. I would wander the streets at night and hide under random cars because I could feel myself being followed. Like my ex is a whole story on his own but I was so genuinely unwell and he literally just used that to do even LESS for me than ever.

My friends started trying to probe about my voices and if they have identities and what was going on in my head and then it didn't take long until they had DID and were kinning characters. (which is not a diss on people with DID or who kin characters. in this specific situation, however, it was deeply uncomfortable.) Meanwhile I couldn't sleep at night because of the faces and because I could swear there were cameras in the walls and before I realized it I couldn't even tell them these things because they'd already packaged up my problem as being cute and quirky. what was my horrifying daily existence became this weird...quirky topic.

It's a really isolating experience. And all that to say I wouldn't undermine that those ex-friends truly did need therapy or help but when I told them my diagnosis they just took it a step further and saw it as a label for some identity and it truly felt like they made it about themselves.

Like my life was already spiraling out of control and now whenever someone asks me "so what are the voices like?" I just immediately cringe regardless of intent. I completely stopped being open about it because of shit like this. I wish I wasn't unnerving to be around and off putting. Yeah some of my stranger moments are funny in retrospect (thanks, Rick and Morty inspired delusional outbursts at 2am) but I still wish they never happened and I never did them.

And I don't mind leaning into being a weirdo. But leaning into my mental illness is totally separate territory. And it was a strange experience to feel, over time, like somebody was just trying to co-opt my identity, multiple times.

I know that of course some of that could be elevated by the paranoia but that's why I've sat and run through everything start to finish multiple times.

anyway all that to say that yeah, I believe people genuinely think mental illness is just a series of quirks. it's not just kids either but full grown adults. maybe they don't consciously think "it's just quirky" but the versions of mental illness they are comfortable with in their head only go that far. idk I am very sleepy

also glad my ass is back on tumblr. it's as anonymous a social media as I can get anymore, and I love feeling like I'm talking into a fuckin void of nothing, but still leaving a speck of me behind somewhere on the internet. honestly at the end of the day I just want to talk about my experience with my mental illness, but without... all of that. and without making others uncomfortable. like I feel like I have a few people I could absolutely DM them about stuff but I also feel it would put them in a tough spot. so God bless Tumblr dot com

[heartofstarlight]

Hello! 😄 For the cottagecore asks, I'd like to ask 🌱 and 🍄 please!

*is shooketh* You're the first one to ever reply to me when I reblog one of these post, in all the years I've been on Tumblr! Thank you!

"🌱: What is something you want to begin learning?"

Ooh...so many things. I'd love to learn to garden. Nothing big, just a few veggies, especially some for Todd (my pet tortoise*). I've never been a green thumb, so it would be new. There's so many recipes I'd love to learn, and plan to experiment with. Umm...🤔 I had another, and I know there's more, but my mind is suddenly blanking on me.

Honestly I have many things I'd love to finish learning, too. That's it's own list...

*I've neglected posting pictures of him for a while. Someday I will remedy this.

"🍄: What is quote you find inspiring?"

Ooh boy, where do I even begin? This is going to be rambling.

The main quote that comes to mind when i think about this is one is:

"Crying does not indicate that you are weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive."

Goodreads is saying that its from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. I found it on Polyvore (RIP) ages ago and don't remember who they sourced it from. But I still find it very moving, a good reminder. I've thought of it often ever since.

There's also a Tumblr post I saw forever ago, that I'm not going to even try and find, since I doubt I could find it right now. But I was about how you can just change your life and actions whenever you want, and how mindblowing it is that us humans can just do that. And I think about that concept A Lot.

There is also a number of Bible verses, but I won't list those here. And song lyrics, too, have always have had an effect on me. The list is too long and great to be complete, but here are some specific ones I know have had a deep impact on me:

This line from "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman:

"Still gotta make a decision/ Leave tonight or live and die this way;"

Most of the song "Breathe (2am)" by Anna Nalick (I'm not going to post the lyrics, but I highly recommend the song if someone hasn't heard it);

The bridge of "Time Marches On" by Tracy Lawrence:

"The south moves north/ North moves south/ A star is born/ A star burns out/The only thing/ That stays the same is/Everything changes/Everything changes;"

And "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack. (Again, not posting lyrics, highly recommend listening to the song!)

Again there's many more, these are the main one that come to mind.

Thank you so much for sending me this ask! Really got me thinking! And sorry it took so long to reply!

[faerie-hoard]

Actually blogging on Tumblr.com

I was trying to think about what I wanted to do for my first post, you know? I could have jumped straight into screaming at the void, post about books or rp or fanfic, and just pretended this blog was here the whole time. Or I could do an introduction post. Hello, I'm Fae, This is what I decided to do instead of ranting to my friends about things, I'm 26 going on 27 this year, etc., etc.

I hate introductions, though; I think they can be put into other things very easily, and they don't need to be their own post to reference constantly. If I wanted to do that, There's a bio right there, right?

Instead, I want to talk about the process of trying to find a good blogging spot, because it's really, Horribly corporate out there.

The thought of making this blog hit me at 2am working the night shift. I was loading up orders and boom, hey, let's start a blog! to ramble about things. Let's do book reviews. Let's review fanfiction. Let's talk about the online roleplay scene. Now, you know and I know that 2am is a terrible time to start a new project-- It's perfect for thinking it up, but the execution will always be a little messy. I'm a little messy on a good day, you know? so to avoid jumping in I went looking for resources.

You know, the sort of things that follow "Let's start a blog", which are "where do I put it?" and "how do I want it to look?" and "Is this going to cost me money at all". So I put on a youtube video, something to listen to while I worked. Something to, frankly, stop my impulses from popping my phone out on the sales floor like a cretin and trying to make a blogger account.

Have you ever looked up something innocuous, just to find yourself on The Grind side of the internet? I'm a squishy person, and I like relaxing, so I don't touch it very often. When I do run into it, it's a little bit like watching a parallel universe pop into existence fully formed. like Athena from Zeus' forehead. Maybe it was the 2am speaking, but at no point had the follow-up question "Can I make money off of this" popped into my head. In fact, when you're talking about fanfiction specifically it's dodgy to have that thought at all.

I think maybe I just got too comfy with the algorithm, honestly? Because youtube handed me so many videos, and none of them were remotely what I wanted. Just tons of advice from middle-aged men talking about blogging making you big money in almost no time at all! and...eugh?? Eugh. Nothing like fumbling for your phone in the back room because this is a 30-minute pitch for an online seminar and not actually a helpful video.

Like I said, I don't run into this side of the internet very often; I'm a proud tumblrite trash fire just like the rest of you, and I want ads on my things about as much as I want to look at ads on things I look up. Anyway, I chalked this up to the popular search being geared toward these grind-for-money, beat-capitalism-by-giving-me-money types. It sure wasn't though!

I mean, it was, but only because every single cursed thing I went to listen to was about how to make money on your blog and what things got you the most money and SEO and exclusive domains and you get the idea. Use WordPress! .org and not .com, though, so you can mess around with things and own everything yourself. Pay for hosting and a domain name. Use blogger! but only because it monetizes ads with google. Use Wix! the free version still lets you earn some money. I'm already at work! I don't need to be sold shit on the off chance my blog gets popular. Maybe one day I'll want WordPress and want a custom domain and all that, but I'm fine being a .website sort of blog.

I spent the rest of the night listening to WTNV and podfic, just to wash the taste out of my mouth, and when I woke up the next day sometime in the late afternoon I went to the source-- Reddit. And wouldn't you know it, I was getting answers, albeit still stuck in "Idk man don't you want to make money?" mode. Still, It was a relief seeing other people like me, who just had a lot to say and like to talk about it. Fellow void-screamers, if you will, and They were just as disgruntled!

This was where someone suggested Blogger as a useful tool for a free and new blog. It's in the name, right? I thought "Is it still ok to use though? will I be gently mocked for being a .blogger.com sort of blog?" (I hadn't actually gotten a lot of sleep, this is the only explanation I have for this thought). Then, on the winds of change itself, "I might as well just use tumblr if I'd go on blogger."

And... yea? Yeah, why hadn't I thought of that in the first place! It's free! it's anticapitalist! it's full of people like me that I like, and I know how to use it already! Anyway, that's how I ended up realizing I'd never considered Tumblr as a blogging site. It's probably outdated to use it like one now, but that never stopped tumblr before.

So that was my journey, with a side of salt tossed over at grindtube for making me sift through some absolute bullshit. I'm here, now, and I hope I get some enjoyment out of posting my thoughts here. At the very least I won't be ranting incoherently at my friends anymore.

probably.

[cinnabun-faerie]

It's 2am and I'm not tired so here we are. (Edit: I wrote a lot and it's a ramble so apologies in advance) The last few days I've decided that I really need to keep track of everything I'm writing in terms of headcanons & reactions; apparently my masterlists aren't helping me as a writer. So I'm using two of my journals (they're thick and quite nice) to keep track. One is for headcanons & the other is for reactions. I have like a table of contents for both as well.

And for anyone who is curious about it, I'll explain (hopefully it's not too confusing). Example:

"Reader having a bad nightmare" is on page 37 and there is a list of characters who I've written this exact headcanon for.

And currently in my Headcanon book, there's 83 pages in use. In my Reaction book, there's 87 pages in use. And there's a lot more pages in both books in case I need/want to add more there.

But honestly as much it is time consuming to go through everything and keep track of everything, it's much more organized. Already I'm seeing what I should write about/for next.

I really do what to get the Dating headcanons for most of the characters I write for done. And for reactions, I want to do the "You're crushing on them/Them having a crush on you done". Hell, I'm itching to write for Aizawa and Gojo! (I just haven't yet, I've just been simping lately)

[saul-goodboy]

(quick note. this is a very long post. it sounds very rambly and shouty and angry. i promise that this entire thing has some sort of coherent message, you just need to make it to the end and maybe reread a few parts a few times. also i am writing this at 2am and am tired and hungry.)

sometimes i wonder if people can ever actually understand the words i say, what with my “melk” (milk), “bu’n” (button), and “p’tat’r tot hot dish” (potato casserole or whatever the fuck y’all weirdos call it) accent and the whole neurodivergency thing speaking faster than my mouth can move. like i’ll just be talkin to someone and thinking i’m making perfect sense but then i’ll realize, oh, what they’re hearing is not what i’m saying. they’re hearing “oh’yeh, dah jes’ fockin’ soks maen. g’ta use a fockin pair a’ ‘unoc’lars t’ see pass’ that bullshi’.” and it’s at like 20 miles per second so everything tumbles out overlapping. like dude i was in key west and i’d point to one of the street roosters (bc it’s florida and they have weird shit like that) and i’d be like “hey! wrist’r!” and i could just feel everyone lookin at me funny. sometimes i’ll forget to codeswitch to understandable english and i’ll say something to a teacher or someone and they’ll just be like. oh. you are not speaking properly. that’s not how we talk in schools. and they actually fuckin said that in elementary and shit! they didn’t let us say ain’t!!! OUR DISTRICT HAS A COLLECTIVE POPULATION OF 5 THOUSAND PEOPLE AND CONSISTS OF LIKE TEN TOWNS. MOST OF OUR AREA IS TILLED SOIL AND Y’ALL RLLY LOOK AT US AND GO “nah. y’all ain’t fuckn countryfolk speak proper” like GIRL THIS IS THE RURAL MIDWEST AND Y’ALL REALLY WANT US SPEAKIN THE QUEEN’s ENGLISH HUH. and honestly? i fuckin hate my school for making me talk in a city accent. i love my accent. i love that it has roots in the dirt around me like a linguistic fucking plant. i hate that my voice was pressed into this plain ass mold of an accent that the “city midwestern” voice is (iykyk, that shits the most monotone thing istfg). i hate that i spent my formative years suppressing the way i speak because i was taught that that was how the “dumb, uneducated, piss-poor rednecks” talk, which was so fucking rooted in classism that i can’t even begin to start. “oh, if you talk like a redneck you’re never gonna get a real job” like honey ok?? what if. hear me out here. what if we stopped letting classist motherfuckers who discriminate based on accents be in a position that manages who is or isn’t hired?? what if we. and this might sound totally fucking insane. what if we boycotted the companies that discriminate based on HOW YOU FUCKING SPEAK??? why do we fucking let shit like this happen??? why are we forcing our children, our future, to change such a fundamental part of their local and ethnic culture to fit the mold of today’s society instead of, oh, i don’t know, getting rid of the mold????