#this is just something extremely upsetting

[foldingfittedsheets]

A basic human skill that people usually lock down around the age of three or four is impulse control. To conceptualize an action and it’s consequences before taking it. Maybe considering how that action affects other people. We then refine it through most of our childhood.

When I was a teenager my hold on this ability became… tenuous. I became a volatile and dangerous creature.

It’s probably not unique to me, but I had a perfect storm in terms of mental upsets. I had just mastered enough basic social skills, so I finally had a strong group of friends when my dad suddenly needed to move for work. Ripped away from my support network, blooming with hormones, I was dragged to Arizona. I was always a child of forests and mist and suddenly everything was hot, dry, and extremely pointy and aggressive.

Additionally to being abruptly transplanted I found myself an object of affection in a way I’d never been before. Lonely and desperate to make friends the only people who wanted to spend time with me had romantic designs. I just wanted to figure out my shit but I had a baby lesbian flirting with increasing aggression in art, a soft boy making heart eyes at me in biology, a senior nerd asking if I wanted to play Halo at his house and could he hold my hand?

Reader, I snapped. I didn’t want this romantic attention but I also didn’t want to be alone. My brain coped the only way it knew how, by simply cutting out decision making. Any action was the right action to take.

It started with the boy in biology. I’d stolen his pencil out of mischief and to my overwhelming fury instead of trying to steal it back he just softened his eyes and chucked me gently under my chin, a gesture so overtly sweet and romantic that I saw red.

I stabbed him with his own pencil.

I honestly and truly have no memory of it. It happened as fast as a snake striking and I was instantly filled with terrified remorse. Unfortunately that manifested as psychotic giggling.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t- I don’t know why- I’m so sorry!” I said, while hysterically laughing. I ended up having lodged some graphite in his palm and had to tweeze it out with my nails while apologizing furiously. (It’s very important to note here that he forgave me and we’re still friends)

That was weird, I thought. Why didn’t I think before I stabbed someone?

The next event was equally catastrophic, and I had even less reason to do it. In gym with two girls I was tentatively befriending, we were warming up running laps. I started racing one of them. At breakneck speed we were sprinting around the gym.

This time, there was a blip of thought before I fucked up. I should get the other girl! I have no idea why or what the plan was but I turned on a swivel and body checked the other girl. We both fell down in immense pain. I think that’s the moment I broke my tailbone. Her knees were horribly bruised and she looked at me in bewildered pain. “Why did you do that?!”

I had no idea. I apologized and helped her up, both of us hobbling like newborn horses, bruised and hurting.

By this time there’d been enough social upheavals that I was reduced to spending time with some girls I had nothing in common with and low key disliked. Sat at a table listening to this girl talk about how she wanted to be a stripper when she grew up I thought, You’d better put the cap on before you throw it.

I then chucked my empty water bottle directly at her face. It bounced off her forehead with a bop! that would have made a sound mixer weep at its perfection.

All eyes turned to me is startlement. I stared back at her, stunned by my own action, just as confused as everyone else at the table as to why I’d done that. One of the girls to my right said, “Were you trying to hit that fly?”

“Yes!” I lied, “I’m sorry, I thought I could hit the fly!”

Everyone laughed at my antics and I joined in rather than admit I had just chucked something at her for no reason.

Things did start to improve after that. I solidified a friendship with the girl I’d raced (who I developed a massive crush on and ten years later would go on to date). My outbursts turned more whimsical rather than aggressive. Like accosting a girl leaving the cafeteria to look deeply into her eyes and say with great compassion, “It’s going to be alright.”

My new friend and I snuck into the van that delivered our cafeterias baked goods and lay giggling in the back. When I’d impulsively hopped in she’d joined me and made it a game.

After a year in Arizona I broke down crying to my mother, an act of great desperation, and we ended up moving back home. My impulse control returned to normal teenage levels and life resumed in a happier state of mind.

[stemms]

I believe that c!Tommy’s kleptomania is one of the most fascinating and heartbreaking parts of his personality, as it adds layers to his character, and explains certain parts of the lore that some people seem to consider a simple bad habit and display of his childishness. I would like to elaborate on that further and explore the way it changed in the exile arc.

To begin with, c!Tommy has been suffering from kleptomania ever since s1, but contrary to popular belief, he had no malicious intentions. From the very beginning of the server, he was already severely traumatised to the point of having PTSD and lacked self-worth. So, understandably enough, he was craving something to make up for his self-hatred, and robbery became that thing. c!Tommy would mostly steal insignificant things because what truly mattered was the amount of things he possessed, not their value or rarity. After all, if he had a large number of objects in his possession, it meant that he was worthy, and nothing else truly mattered.

Since the very beginning of exile, despite his need to acquire items to stabilise his extreme self-hatred, c!Tommy adamantly refused to accept anything from his visitors because he couldn’t help but assume that the gifts in question were “pity items”, and being pitied was one of the things he hated the most. As his exile went on, the belief that no one cared enough to offer him a gift out of genuine care, only grew stronger due to c!Dream’s manipulation, c!Tommy’s severe loneliness, and the heartbreak of the Beach Party. However, with time, the blond has grown to trust someone other than c!Dream — c!Ranboo. Eventually, he allowed the enderman hybrid to offer him things, as long as he promised that his gifts came from the heart. As much as c!Tommy attempted to hide his true feelings, he cherished every single object received from c!Ranboo. These weren’t just objects, like the ones he’d often steal from people to feel worthy — these served as a reminder that there was something to live for, and at least, someone other than c!Dream genuinely cared about him.

Considering that c!Dream has been obsessed with c!Tommy ever since s1 (which included living in his walls and stalking him) and used his kleptomania and “destructive nature” as an argument to get him exiled from L’Manberg, he certainly was aware of the boy’s insecurity, and was looking forward to exploiting it to the fullest to break- no, shatter him :)

The daily routine of discarding his objects hurt c!Tommy far more than we could’ve imagined, because if we keep his deep self-hatred in mind, he didn’t simply find it upsetting due to being stuck in the cycle of obtaining and destroying his items — it was something more than that. Every lost item equaled a tiny shard of c!Tommy’s self-worth, and soon enough, there was almost Nothing left; he was nothing but an empty shell.

Understandably enough, with time, the teenager has grown to believe that he wasn’t worthy to possess anything valuable of his own — he was meant to earn every little thing, and his best friend tormentor couldn’t be more pleased :) :) :)

[xoxoavenger]

Poison Hearts

pairing: Luke Castellan x Fem!Apollo!Reader

summary: When Y/N's poisoned, she doesn't recognize Luke, which leads to a physical fight that hurts both of them.

word count: 2116

warnings: fighting (physical and verbal mentioned), angst with a happy ending :)

masterlist

Y/N was pretty sure she was dead.

She felt like it; extreme pain, delirium, exhaustion. It's how she imagined death, anyway. But it had more to do with poison coursing through her veins. She was put on a quest by her father, Apollo, to find some moonlace. She thought that the legend had told her it was only on Calypso's island for lost heroes, but she couldn't get there. The Oracle had told her that she wouldn't have to venture far, but it would be difficult to get back to camp. She wasn't sure what that meant until the monster she somehow attracted on her way back had flung a stinger into her unprotected shoulder. She thought it was fine until about twenty minutes ago, when she started to feel the effects of what had to be poison.

She wanted to throw up just looking at the hill, at how far away Thalia's tree was. She was hauling her bag, full of the moonlace she had found on the High Line in New York for some reason. It felt like a weight in her arm, and all she could think was Luke. She hoped that somehow, he would know she was there.

She trudged up the hill, praying to her father through whispers. She made all sorts of promises, but she knew he didn't care. She had gotten the moonlace for him, and if she died it wouldn't affect the moonlace. He'd still have it at the end of the day.

"Father, please. Apollo," She whispered, cresting the hill. She saw how far away the Big House was, and she knew she couldn't make it. "Thalia," She said as she came up to the tree, hand scraping against the bark.

She dug deep, trying to lift up the last of her strength. But she took one step and fell to the ground, rolling down the hill and into Camp Half-Blood. It hurt, she could feel the pain through her daze. And then she felt something else.

She stood, the poison feeling strong again in her veins. The world changed around her, and suddenly she was in New York City. She was fighting a monster, one she had never seen before. It lunged at her and she reached for her sword, but she didn't have it. It seemed to be missing. She knew she was going to die if she didn't fight, so she lunged.

She didn't even think about the fact that she had just been in Camp Half-Blood.

~

Luke heard a scream and ran, glad that he had been outside the Big House. He had been yelling at Chiron and Dionysis for sending Y/N on her quest without any help.

"It doesn't matter what the Oracle said! You know the ancient rule of three!" He had been saying when he heard it. A loud scream, one he knew. He ran without a second thought.

Y/N was standing at the base of the hill. She had sticks in her hair, dirt smudged on her cheek and her shirt. He remembered when she picked the shirt out, how excited she had been to go to the city. Now, it had mud streaked across it and a hole in the side.

He had begged her not to go when they found out she wouldn't be able to bring allies, when the Oracle had told her she must go on her own. She had gotten upset, told him that not everyone gets hit by a dragon on their quest, some people can watch their own six. It had hurt him, and though she tried to apologize she had to leave for her quest before he told her he forgave her. Watching her now, with the vacant look in her eyes and pale skin. She was starting to sweat, and he knew she was poisoned.

"Come on, we've gotta get you to the med cabin." He moved toward her, but she looked at him with fear. He stopped in his tracks, watching her crouch slightly and reach for her sword. She didn't pull it out, however, instead readying herself to fight. "Y/N," He said quietly, hand out and trying not to frighten her.

She lunged at him, catching him so off guard that she landed a hard punch on his cheek. She hit his scar, which while it was fully healed he still felt the pain across his whole cheek. He was so shocked he allowed her to kick his chest and bring him to the ground, knocking the air out of him. She landed on top of him, hand closing around his throat.

"Y/N!" He gasped, hands on her wrist. She was angry, but she was warm, sweating and shaking. She screamed, pressing harder, and Luke's vision swims. He knows he has to do something before he passes out, and he can hear Chiron approaching finally.

Luke bucks his hips, turning to flip her over. She keeps her grip, so he has to take her hands and put them over her head. She screams and writhes, and he uses all his strength to keep her in place.

"Get off me, you monster!" She screams, gasping for breath. He struggles, and she screams again. Even though he knows she can't even see him, he can't help the hurt from spiking inhis heart at her words.

"It's me! It's Luke!" He yells at her, not sure what to do. He won't fight her, but he doesn't exactly know how to get her away from the poison.

"She's been poisoned." Chiron says from behind Luke, who can't help himself when he says, "Yeah, no shit!" He knows it was wrong but all his energy was being used to keep Y/N from trying to kill him. Pain was still blooming on his left side, and his neck was hurting. He was starting to shake with exertion from Y/N fighting him, and he knew he couldn't keep her down for long. The poison was making her adrenaline surge and she was going to outlast him.

"What do we do?" Luke asked, but Y/N's arms were getting slippery with sweat. She got one arm free and backhanded him, her only piece of jewelry which happened to be a ring catching his right cheek and catching him off guard. He sucked in a sharp breath at the pain that blossomed across his cheekbone, but he didn't have time to think about that because Y/N was clawing at him. She scratched his throat, but he caught her arm in time for her to only make a couple red marks that would be fine before this was even over.

"She needs to be sedated so we can treat her!" Chiron tells her, and Luke watches Y/N as she screams at him once more.

"How?" Luke asks, but he realizes what he has to do. He feels bad, but he has to. "I'm sorry." He whispers as he shifts to restrain Y/N with one hand, making him have to put all his weight on that hand to keep her in place. She wiggles and almost gets free, so he has to tighten his legs around her torso. She lets out a scream of frustration until he puts a hand around her throat. He squeezes her sides, hoping it won't leave bruising. She wiggles even worse, crying out, and a hand gets free. She scratches his left hand around her neck, this time drawing blood. He can tell his cheek is bleeding now, can feel the blood drip down to his chin. His hand hurts, but he can't pull away, can't give into it. He has to look away, because he can't handle the look in her eyes as she gasps for breath. She reaches out to grab his face, but this time it's soft. She's brushing a tear he didn't know had fallen from his eyes. When he looked at her, as her eyes hooded and began to fall, he thought maybe she could actually see him. He let go, but she was already closing her eyes, tired from fighting.

Luke was on his knees above Y/N, making sure not to put any weight on her anymore. He surveyed her, breathing hard. She had a light red mark around her neck, but Luke had made sure to be gentle with that to avoid bruising. Her wrists however had bruises on them, and her skin was a sickly color that scared him. She was shivering, her skin damp with sweat. Her shoulder had blood on it, and there were drops of blood on her nice shirt. When another one fell on her shirt, he realized it was from his own face. He reached up, feeling the cut made from her ring. His throat was sore, and his scar was burning. Another drop of something darkened her shirt, and for a moment Luke was angry, because he thought he had wiped all the blood away. He realized after a moment that it was his tears. He was crying.

"Luke," Chiron started, coming closer.

"I didn't want to." Luke said, staring at Y/N. He was shaking.

"I know." Chiron told him. "Get her on my back and we'll go to the clinic." Luke wanted to scream, but he knew Chiron was right so he grabbed her limp body and together with Chiron she was hauled up.

~

Y/N woke up in the clinic, which was strange. She spent so much time here that she recognized it immediately, but she'd never been laying on the bed.

"Thank the gods," Someone said to the side of her. She turned, probably too quickly, and felt dizziness rush behind her eyes as she sits up. "Luke was ready to go find whatever poisoned you and kill it. He was here until we kicked him out, and even now he's arguing with Chiron and Mr. D." One of her siblings was speaking way too fast for her, and she just shook her head slightly as to not disorient herself worse.

"What happened?" She remembered going the quest and trying to get back, but her head was hurting a little bit and everything was foggy.

"You were poisoned when you went on the quest. You came back, and you didn't know where you were. You thought Luke was a monster, so you started fighting him." Daphne is telling her, and Y/N's brows furrow as she realizes what this means.

"Did I hurt him?" She asks, guilt creeping up. Daphne frowns, grabbing Y/N's hand.

"Yes, but he's fine, don't worry. He refused treatment, but it wasn't that bad. I'm more worried about his mental state, since he had to choke you to get you to stop." Y/N's eyes widen as her free hand goes to her neck. She feels fine, because her siblings are great healers, but that couldn't have been good for Luke's mental health.

"Could you please go get him for me? I think we can put Chiron and Mr. D out of their misery." Y/N forces a smile, and Daphne nods before squeezing her hand and leaving. It's only a couple minutes that Y/N's alone before Luke shows up. She wants to throw up when she sees the bruise on his cheek, right over his scar. There's a mark where she knows her ring must've caught his face, and a faint mark around his neck.

"Y/N," He breathes, and she wants to cry. She hurt him.

"I'm so sorry." She whispers, and Luke shakes his head as he comes to her and wraps her in his arms.

"It's not your fault. You were poisoned. You didn't even know it was me." He tells her, thumb rubbing her back.

"For what I said before, about your quest." Her voice is quiet, but he still hears it. 

"That doesn't matter, okay? I was worried, scared, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I pushed you to that point." She appreciates that he's owning up to his faults, but she just can't let her own mistakes go yet.

"I hit your scar." She pulls back and gently cups his face, and he just sighs.

"I had to choke you to get you to stop." He can't look at her, so she uses the hand on his face to angle his gaze.

"I think we can both forgive ourselves, yeah?" She says, even though she feels guilty. She doesn't remember the fight, but she doesn't want to. She wants to forget all about this horrible experience.

"Only if you do it first." He says, pressing their foreheads against each other as he slides closer, now in between her legs.

"Deal." She lifts her lips for a kiss, and Luke would never turn one down.  

//

tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187  @one-sweet-gubler

[fiddlefordisms]

Canon Details and Analysis of Fiddleford McGucket Part 2

See the first part here

Let's flash-forward to what we know about Fiddleford after college. At some point, he got married to Emma May Dixon, and they had a son together (Tate McGucket), they live in Palo Alto, and Fiddleford seems to be self-employed: McGucket's Computermajigs. Now, don't get me wrong I enjoy Fiddauthor quite a lot (and I'll give some in-depth analysis and theorizing and thinking of possibilities about that particular relationship in that context at the very end), but I want to focus on Fiddleford's character and what we do know about his wife and child.

We know from Journal 3 that Fiddleford keeps a picture of his wife and son on his desk because he says it helps keep him "grounded." It's very important to note that this picture includes his wife - if they really wanted to imply that Fiddleford's relationship with his wife was on the rocks, they could've easily made it just a picture of his son. We know that Fiddleford must have had strong feelings for his wife because in the Gobblewonker episode of Gravity Falls, Old Man McGucket claims that when his wife left him, he built a pterodactyl-tron (building giant death robots is something he does when he's upset or wants attention). If he was wanting to leave that relationship, he would not have been upset about her leaving him.

In another page of Journal 3 when Fiddleford quits the portal project, Ford writes about how he should "go back to his doting family." This tells us that while Fiddleford and Emma May did have a fight over him not getting her a Christmas present, Ford still somehow had the impression that his family was "doting." I think it's important to point out that Fiddleford has been erasing his memories since the Gremloblin incident - and the fight scene with his wife happens very shortly before the big portal test. We know the memory-erasing gun has side effects. So, anytime Fiddleford "forgets" something should be looked at as highly suspect and indicative that his memory-erasing gun is affecting him.

We know that Fiddleford must have been a good father before he left to work on the portal for Ford via context clues. In the show, despite Tate's original home being in Palo Alto, Tate chose to pack up his things and live in Gravity Falls where his mentally-addled father now lives. He chose to do that and seeing what became of his father, even though he's the town's biggest embarrassment with a reputation for being a crazy old man - chose to stay. In Shmeb U Unlocked, we're informed that Tate is extremely intelligent and capable of predicting lottery numbers.

He could literally go anywhere he wanted if he wanted. And yet, he stays in Gravity Falls where his father lives. He must have really loved his father despite it being so hard with his father's mental state and the fact that he has every right to be angry that his father left. We know that Fiddleford must have really loved his son because of that picture on his desk, because much later even with all of his memory problems, he still remembers his son, and he's desperate to spend time with him, and in the end, they're able to repair their relationship and spend quality time together.

Now, let's talk about a couple of details that I think a lot of people overlook. During the stargazing scene in Journal 3, Fiddleford mentions offhand that he'd like a place where "the screen door ain't broken." I think this is a VERY interesting detail because it makes it sound like Fiddleford's business hadn't quite taken off yet and that he might have been struggling financially because he can't afford to get his door repaired.

This opens a doorway into a theory of mine that Fiddleford is being paid for his time as Ford's assistant. Now, we're not told this outright in Journal 3, but I think we can gather this from a little thing I like to call context clues. After all, Ford probably thought the exact nature of payment deals for his assistant didn't need to be included in his research and personal journal. There's nothing interesting about it. Additionally from a narrative standpoint, it might have come across as looking like Ford had to bribe Fiddleford to help him, and that's not the vibe they wanted for Fiddleford. They wanted to emphasize that these two are at the very least good friends and that Fiddleford is the type of person who will set aside his own personal projects and self-sacrifice to help a friend at a moment's notice.

We know from the show and Journal 3 that Ford was given grants to study the anomalies of Gravity Falls. Presumably, this money would not only cover the costs of field research equipment and a research base (the shack) but also money for a research assistant if needed.

Fiddleford's wife would have to be the most permissive, most doormat wife in THE HISTORY OF EVER to allow her husband to go up to Oregon to work on a project leaving her to not only take care of her son by herself but also have to pay all the bills and rent/mortgage by herself. We know this is not the case because she (rightly) did NOT let it slide that her husband forgot to get her a Christmas present.

Fiddleford would not have had much time to work on his own business while working on Ford's portal. At this point in his life, he has his mental faculties intact, he's proven time and again to be considerate and sweet (Alex Hirsch even refers to him as a sweet soul). He's big on making thoughtful gifts, he wants to help others (in Journal 3, he is seen fixing up the ferris wheel at the carnival where he meets Ivan, although it was definitely wrong - he had good intentions in wanting to help people with their bad memories, even in the show - Old Man McGucket shows up in the sap-hole with the dinosaurs having fixed a broken lantern - Fiddleford is exactly the type of person who would see a broken-down car on the side of the road and pull over and get out his toolbox and help that person out), and he loves his family very much. He would NOT let them go unsupported and floundering for themselves while in his right mind.

So, this leads me to believe that to help convince his wife to let him help his old college buddy with his project, he'd be getting paid for his help. Ford likely would've found this reasonable and might have suggested it himself if Fiddleford expressed wanting to help but not being able to leave his family without any support. It probably wasn't a lot, but it might have been a bit better than what he was currently drumming up via his own business. This could also be why Ford is so adamant about referring to Fiddleford as his assistant in the journals rather than his friend.

Do I think his wife might have still had some reservations about her husband going to Oregon and could be a fertile field for argument later? Yes. Absolutely. But I think the fact that she let him go in the first place and the fact that Fiddleford is self-employed rather than more conventionally employed generally shows that she was a supportive wife and trusted her husband.

I absolutely DO NOT think, as some have posited, that Fiddleford abandoned his wife and son (especially his son whom he dearly loves) to have a "Brokeback Mountain" situation with Stanford. That is a terrible misreading of Fiddleford's character AND the situation. Again, Fiddleford is the type of person who HELPS people, and how much more so for someone who is likely his best friend? Not only that, but his FIRST EVER friend. A friend who Fiddleford probably knows has been alone in Oregon for years and who also has a hard time making friends, a friend who probably doesn't call him enough because he's "busy" with his research (Ford even says in the journal that he "has no choice but to call Fiddleford"), a friend who is probably stubborn about asking for help who is asking HIM (the guy who helps) for help?

Fiddleford might even already be worried about him.

And this is a "project" - a project has a beginning and an end. Fiddleford was NOT expecting to stay in Gravity Falls. He was going to go there, help Ford, and then go back to his family whom he loves. I'm not saying complicated feelings couldn't have arisen (again, I am a Fiddauthor shipper), but I am saying that Fiddleford didn't go to Oregon because he was running away from marital problems with his wife (on an additional note - people are free to write what they want - But what is WITH bisexual erasure and villifying / ignoring female characters? I mean, just because she wasn't in the show or talked about much doesn't mean we should do female characters a disservice) and intending on cheating on her.

Because again - A) He loves his family (family photo on his desk which doesn't exactly scream "Make sweet love to me Ford") B) His anxiety issues C) His empathy - he doesn't have the narcissistic traits cheaters generally have D) He's likely Catholic and all the religious hang-ups with that - (also adultery being a sin is mentioned waaaaaay more than homosexuality) E) The hostile time period for queer folks.

Also, Stanford "I find romance baffling" (Journal 3 - stargazing scene) is probably one of the biggest indicators that no cheating went on (but I'll throw you "cheating Fiddleford" headcanoners a bone much later on in which I think a possible "cheating" scenario could have realistically occurred - and I'll tell you my reasons for why I personally don't believe that happened either, but I'll begrudgingly accept a "possibility" and let you guys go nuts with the idea.)

More to come in later parts.

[hellonerf]

endless insanity incoherent shit about ame and love and family(featuring england and cana a bit specifically sorry france i actually do have thoughts about that there but i'm lazy and tired and this is incoherent already)(it didn't start off like that this is honestly like some stream of thought shit hence the incoherence)

some shit when i think about. sorry. colonial ame extremely upset tantrums theres no way england didnt hit him or spank him which would just upset ame more. ame would sulk and wish for england to drop dead because theres not much else he can say or do about the frustration. cana goody two shoes kid would be like why do you have to act out like that so much... ame immediate rage. probably hits cana like GO CRY ABOUT IT!!! and cana cries and then england walks in like America!!! and it just gets worse. but in the end when england has to leave again ame still clings and cries after england is saying his goodbyes. england does feel that he cares about ame deeply, so he does try to show his affection. theres some gap here between the care he shows and his "responsibility as a caretaker" if you will... and he's like a teen dad at this point? with his own shitload of baggage and ideas on responsibility from that baggage. man this family can be so interesting. i love tension

of course. this is just my crazythinking that in situations where, you could say, england's parenting was abusive of sorts, specifically in the physical way, to punish tantrums or etc... i think cana would be inclined to try to play polite kid to avoid punishment. and so he would feel maybe more vindicated? that he's the good example. in this it creates kind of a chasm between england/cana and ame. (why i think mapletea would just drive ame crazy wall smashing head insane, besides that ame already feels jealous/insecure like that anyways no matter what) this feeling is pushed by the revolution where ame and england are Like That, and here again cana sides with england(he's not Fully in it but he does technically side with england, and ame definitely views it like that). to him this is proof... of what you ask? i don't know..... that period where he was on decidedly bad terms with both of them, i always think he's like teenage-losing it about it. won't show it or at least will try not to of course, but it's genuinely something that eats at him so hard. (ame voice Nobody loves me. Everyone should love me. i could probably make that happen.) and ame decides things like that first and foremost with personal relations. this is specific, but im like, i think it's a mental testing he does on people. example, completely without their knowledge, someone's random act can register in his brain as an opposition to him, because his mind decided that's what it means.(somewhere subconscious). so for some time i'd imagine in his mind, that cana and england hated him, or looked down on him, or expected him to wind up dead anyways. ame is never not looking for approval and this fuels that sooooo much. it's like spite and anger and crying and stomping on the ground and in a way grieving. he's staring at the sky like it's unfair. they don't want me in their life. because i'm better than them. i hate them so much.(he wouldn't say it like this to other people, hate is a strong word, and i wouldn't say he hates them here either)

despite his bravado of "whaat? everyone likes me right?" the mental cogs are stuck here no matter what he says. cana loves him, even if it's so frustrating to, cana cares about him deeply. it fucks with ame's brain but he knows this deep down, that cana does love and care about him. at some point too he knows the same for england. but i also think he's like, specifically with cana too when he's specifically being really cynical about relations is like, "oh and he's only around... cause he has to be..." and ame wouldn't entirely be wrong there. and cana would argue so what! do you need a cosmic soulmate love to prove something? and ame is like (yeah i kinda do....). love can't just exist for you right here right now?! cana's love is "invalidated" in this sense. and also it hurts his brain too much to really think about the complexities in his relationship to both england and cana. that they really did care about him, but it's not easy. (hurts his brain... like why is interaction so stressful? why is it complicated? why can't people just go i love you and the end?). ame is not a romantic person but i think his view on love can get so fantastical like this. (he wants to be the one proposed to awwww omg you guysss...) at the same time it's a very simple view on love. he doesn't want to end up humiliated and is willing to humiliate others to avoid it. if love is true then there is One True Love... For him... JK! NOT FOR HIM!(slurps soda) who needs that shyit!!!(eats burger). a lot of things he can't/really doesn't want to accept. this is why i'd say anytime he ever felt feelings significant enough that even he would call it love it was mindnumbingly overwhelming. putting his eggs in one basket... don't fail me now!!! (and i always think none of his relationships are stable. duh. so). i like fics where ame is made to be like a crazy ex girlfriend. because he would. rather than love as a constant thing to do it sometimes feels more like an achievement or endpoint for him. something that happens at the end of movies lol... if love was happening REALTIME it'd be surreal for him to process. and like true genuine love not his fake idea of what love looks like

[f1xwers]

I will never get tired of writing chewis and including queerplatonic chestappen. It is such a powerful dynamic that truly makes my brain worms go wild.

Checo and Lewis being disgustingly in love with each other while Max bullies these loser old men who are always sending each other heart eyes (he's secretly their #1 fan but would rather die than admit it).

Max being extremely protective of Checo because that's his teammate and he'll be damned if anyone hurts or upsets him. He has threatened Lewis repeatedly over if he ever breaks Checo's heart. The first couple of times Lewis was mildly offended that Max thought he would ever hurt Checo but later he was just impressed and endeared that the Mexican has someone who will fight tooth and nail for him.

What Lewis doesn't know is that Max will also fight tooth and nail for him as well because that's his rival and only HE can bully Lewis like that (and he has 100% gotten into fistfights over it).

Lewis watching from afar as this Dutch gremlin snuggles up to his boyfriend insert my boyfriend's boyfriend meme here and just sighs tiredly, resigned to his fate. (He's secretly fond of Max but would also rather die than admit it!) He's just kind of accepted that Max will always be there and eventually gets used to it to the point where he starts spoiling Max too. Whenever he sees something that reminds him of Max or he thinks the Dutchman would like, he gets it for him and just tosses it at his face. Max hisses and scowls at him like a feral cat every single time but accepts the gifts nonetheless.

Both of them constantly bickering with each other as they spoil Checo. Max makes it a competition and tries to piss off Lewis; Lewis knows Max does it to piss him off and absolutely refuses to let him win.

Checo watches these shenanigans from afar and is just, absolutely endeared by these WDCs who are always fighting for his affection. He loves these losers so, so much and would burn down the world for them. Despite their antics and posturing, Checo is the fiercest and most protective of the three, but people fail to see it because he's always so calm and a mediator between these two bold and tenacious personalities.

But the second that anybody dares to talk badly about Lewis and/or Max or about his relationships with them though? Someone will get torn to fucking shreds.

AND AND AND the best part is that this very same dynamic can easily be transferred to Lewcostappen but the intensity just gets dialed up by like a thousand, and it's definitely a sight to see.

[bobbydagen24]

Has anyone done any fanfics about Hunter finding out about Luz's part in Belos's death? as I think that could potentially be interesting.

as exploring Hunter's possible reaction to finding out exactly how Belos died I feel could be interesting

like I get that most people would probably be of the opinion that he wouldn't care or that he'd understand that it was necessary given how evil he was and everything he had done

but I actually think he could maybe still see Luz and the others actions as being a step too far

and plus I just think its more interesting story wise to imagine Hunter taking issue with it

maybe thinking they were too extreme and that they still should have saved him and then he could have been locked up or something.

and saying they were no better than him by handling things this way tho in the end maybe I'd have Hunter accidentally get a touch emotional

when arguing his points about the morality of it and it becomes more clear this isn't so much about moral objections as it is he's upset over his death and couldn't bring himself to admit it.

like I said I just feel there is some interesting story potential in Hunter finding out exactly how Belos died and not quite being instantly okay with knowing what Luz and the others did.

what do you think?

[sky-fire-forever]

The way the internet (specifically, like, liberal and leftist spaces that I've noticed) are going back to "kill yourself" as a weapon is... disturbing.

I've seen several posts telling Elon Musk to kill himself. I saw a post talking about how you should suicide bait TERFs. I just saw a post about how certain politicians should kill themselves.

And like. I get the point is that these people are harming people and are shitty, but fucking suicide baiting isn't the answer??

You know what I saw when I looked at those posts?

I saw the proof that if I'm morally wrong to someone, they wouldn't care if I literally fucking killed myself.

I've been suicide baited by a friend before and by an ex before. It genuinely fucked me up. Learning that people you thought cared about you literally want you to die and will weaponize your mental illness against you is something genuinely extremely fucked up

So, like. Maybe "kill yourself" isn't the comeback you think it is

[roseytoesy]

since I’ve noticed a bunch of negative energy on tumblr lately ima post something sweet.

I found the love of my life because of vore. I like vore because of the way it comforted me during times when I felt so alone in my own head. That online sonas and stories I would insert myself into and daydream about being so wanted that I’d be devoured and held on all sides. So cared for and loved and appreciated.

vore can be whatever we want and so can our tumblr experience. Let’s keep making things despite the drama. If people wanna whine let them. Just ignore and move on. They will shut up eventually.

I love this community despite the ups and downs. Maybe one day I’ll draw shitty little stick figures or rough outlines of vore on my phone to share and try and make someone laugh.

just keep going. That’s how we win

[oceanwithouthermoon]

maybe its just me but i cant stand when people are like "it just doesn't sit right with me how teruhashi thought about aiura 🥺" like yes... its not supposed to ??? because her thinking badly of other girls and prioritizing male validation over everything is one of her main flaws ??? can we talk about that WITHOUT making it seem like shes not allowed to have a single actual flaw without suddenly becoming an awful person? nobody can handle complex female characters at all and its so fucking annoying

[peaches2217]

*gently opens the door, then kicks it the rest of the way open as dramatically as possible*

Mario normally being fully verbal but going nonverbal when his PTSD flares up so part of the reason he struggles to tell his loved ones when he’s struggling is because he physically *can’t* and this is a new development and he’s embarrassed so he just. Hides until it’s over and then pretends it never happened because he’s fucking terrible at balancing his pride and his coping mechanisms

This is now canon to my ‘verse.

[0vergrowngraveyard]

the way i’m so ready to defend anything whenever i see a video that’s like “[sonic game/show/literally anything] is BAD” . there’s just a need to disagree with those kinds of youtubers i feel it in my bones

[serufu]

Chainsaw Man is one of my favorite stories because it never shies away from the hard questions. How do you form meaningful relationships after sexual trauma? How do you escape the cycle of abuse when it becomes more comfortable to you than "normal" life? How are the bonds you forge and the family you build stronger than what you were born into? And now, its newest philosophical quandary, just how cursed would elephants look if the concept and existence of ears were erased from the world!

[canisalbus]

What do you think would have happened if (somehow, idk how but somehow) Machete rose to the rank of pope?

To be perfectly honest? I think most realistically he would've ruled maybe six months at best and then keeled over from stress and exhaustion.

[cameleonvermillon]

im tired of having to pretend the things I like are bad just to be allowed to enjoy them

[pwurrz]

who’s ready for more yakumo trauma talk-! *i am forcibly removed from the stage before i can begin speaking*