#this is one of those posts that i pray to God stays within my regular circle of mutuals and followers

[dabidagoose]

Not really sure if i should be as bothered as i am about how phylactery is used in DND, since it also refers to tefillin. I saw some people on other parts of the internet discussing how phylactery is more of a translation of tefillin, and sometimes the word has just been used to mean amulet or something to do with protection in Greek, but I'd be curious to know if anyone on here had any thoughts on the matter.

[vemuabhi]

ITS OKAY TO TAKE A BREAK

Stressed Reader Comfort!

Hello!!! I am so happy you requested my dear! I am so happy to write for you. Please drink water and take care of yourself. I know it’s a hard time. But don’t lose hope and don’t let stress eat you up. You are loved and you are needed.

Pairing : Sanji X Reader

Word count : 2.2K

Warnings : Not proof read, Stress, insomnia, Hurt then comfort and a very adorable Sanji

Sanji post Tagging : @ye-rin164

 Assignment after assignment. Projects, seminars and exams. Forget about dates, you are not even having time to sleep properly since the last month. Still you stayed up many nights writing all the assignments. Researching stuff needed for the seminars. Memorising all the chapters from all the subjects. Praying to get good credits every time. Even sleeping for those 3 hours a day seemed so stressful because of your piled up assignments, which your teachers just dumped on you mercilessly.

Slowly because of lack of sleep and hectic works, dark circles were visible clearly under your eyes. Headaches became regular now. You weren’t able to focus on things properly. You just… tried to go along with the flow of day. Anything you ate tasted bland making you to loose appetite. All you now wanted was a day to just… rest.

Ignoring the good morning and good night messages from a certain someone made you feel guilty. But because of work, you couldn’t even catch a break. Yes… stress was building up in you.

Researching and taking print outs for the next “group” seminar made you work even harder. Yeah as you know how there is at least one person in the group who doesn’t even attempt to do work. Now you had FREAKING two of them in your 5 member’s team. Guess what happened. You three had to now share the burden of the remaining work.

‘Good thing Sanji isn’t here to see how much of a mess I am right now’, you thought sipping your caffeine. You felt lucky that you were at least getting time to take a quick shower every day.

On the other hand, Sanji knew. He knew how terrible your work was getting, making you to give him a single reply every two days, letting him know you were alive. If you didn’t give him that reply, he’d have gotten a panic attack on how you were. No regular messages, no dates, no video calls, not a single god damn normal call. He was really getting worried. But he stayed patient.

Nami and Robin chan suggested him to go and meet you, but he thought if he went, he’d be a problem to you for not letting you finish your work. His heart was earning to see you. To hug you. To make you something to eat. To just… be with you.

As days passed, you were getting more and more annoyed and you started to have breakouts for almost everything and nothing. Even the smallest things were making you cry. Like once You even cried as you saw a small puppy outside your apartment.

You hated to cry. But because of this pressure you couldn’t even control your emotions. You felt like you were losing yourself.

At Sanji’s house, he and Zoro were doing dishes but Sanji couldn’t help but to worry about you.

“Its just a gut feeling but I cant help but to worry”, Sanji sighed.

“If you feel like shit, why not just go to her place?”, asked Zoro

“Tsk, Its not that easy. What if I interrupt her?”, replied Sanji washing his hands after giving the last plate to Zoro.

The green haired man took the plate and placed it into the shelf. He sighed and said, “Look cook. It’s okay to go and check on her once a while, If you are worried. Maybe she needs you too”

Sanji never thought of that. He was always insecure and felt that he might disturb you if he met you. But this gut feeling of his was telling him to atleast go and see you.

“In 5 minutes, I’m leaving”, the blond told his roommate before going into his room. Zoro just smirked before closing the shef door.

You sat in the corner of the room. Your books were still open and you knew you were supposed to study. Then… the negative thoughts hit you. Your brain wanted to play some tricks on you. And it chose this freaking time to do that.

‘Yeah… you are not gonna get good grades even if you do this’

‘Sanji is so hardworking. He’d be so disappointed to have a person like you as his lover’

‘All your assignments are worthless, stop giving yourself enough credit’, you looked into your mirror.

Tears slid down your face. You looked terrible. With messy hair, unwashed clothes, dirty room. You wanted to tear the place down. You were so hurt and pressured.

*Ring*

Your train of thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. You wiped your tears quickly and stumbled as you made your way towards the main door. You swung open the door and your (eye colour) orbs met the all blue orbs. The golden hair smoothly covered one of his eye. His smile brightly as seeing you.

“Aish! Y/N, how many time have I told you to check before opening the do-”, He didn’t even complete his sentence and you ran into his arms, tightly embracing him, making him to take a step back.

He instantly knew something was wrong with the way to you hugged him. He wrapped his arms around your body. You started to cry as he hugged you.

“Sanji… I… I can’t… I hate this. I don’t like this”, you whimpered between your sobs. He soothingly rubbed the back of your head.

Without breaking the hug, he pulled you inside the house and locked the door. Leaning his back on the door, with still you hugging him, he pulled you even closer. He patted your back while you buried your head in the crook of his neck.

“Y/N, look at me dear”, he asked and you slowly looked at him. His expression from worry turned to one of a sad one.

“I missed you so much”, you cried even more looking at him.

“Shhh~~ Y/N, I’m here. Please don’t cry. This hardship will pass away. Don’t let the stress eat you up”, he kissed your forehead as he calmly whispered into your ear.

Actually Sanji was also so hurt because of your situation. But if he wasn’t strong, who would encourage you.

Soothing your tears away, he kissed your eyes.

“I am sorry. I look horrible”, you sniffed and damn yes, he was not happy by the way you said it.

“Don’t ever say that. You are the most amazing and hardworking person. Give yourself a bit more credit”, he shook your shoulders as he said that.

“Listen here, you are tired, but you are still very much beautiful. All you need is a good night sleep”, he said as he pulled you towards your bedroom.

The bed was a mess. Books, papers, laptop, stationary on it. You felt embarrassed as Sanji saw you in your worst state.

“Sorry Sanji for making you see this”, you said as Sanji just made his way into the room and started to quickly clean the bed.

“You are apologising way too much Y/N. If I didn’t support you now, I shouldn’t even call myself your friend let alone your boyfriend”, he said.

Within minutes, he cleared everything up. You went towards the table to continue your work, but then, you felt your wrist being grabbed.

You looked at him and he looked at you with worried eyes.

“Y/N, I never said you should now write your paper”, he said sternly. Even though his voice was deep, his eyes showed worry.

“But I should complete it”, you said but he was quick to pull you towards him. He lifted you up with grace and walked towards the bed swiftly and plopped you on it. You couldn’t even protest because of how quickly it happened.

You tried to get up but then he decided to jump on you and cuddle you. You chuckled at how he behaved like a small child. When he heard your laugh he looked up to you, his head still placed on your chest. Oh how much he wanted to hear that laugh of yours. But you yourself didn’t knew when you fell asleep. As Sanji was looking while you laughed, you almost immediately fell asleep.

He smiled at you as you slept. He woke up and went towards your desk and sat on the chair.

Looking at the assignment that you should start, he analysed what you wrote in the roughly at the side. He took your phone and placed his thumb on the finger print scanner. Yes of course, you guys are having the healthiest relationship. He went towards the pdf of the assignment due dates and found the assignment you were working on. And damn he got angry at how many assignments you were given. The one you were working on was to be submitted the day after tomorrow.

‘Damn… no wonder Y/N had to stay up most of the night for these’, he thought as he called one of the smartest people he knew. No… it wasn’t Luffy. He has the devils Luck to pass his exams.

“Hey Robin chan! This is Sanji”, he said as he looked at the assignment.

“Hi Sanji. What happened?”, she inquired

“Robin chan, I actually need some help”, he started to ask about the assignment and how to collect the required information related to it.

Robin chan understood the situation and started to explain.

“So Sanji, Don’t waste your time searching all the websites. Just go to the websites I told you and you can see almost every possible explanation required to you”

Sanji searched on the laptop as he placed the phone between his shoulder and ear. The un-lit cigarette was dangling between his lips. The habbit of having it made him focus on things even more. But he ofcourse didn’t want to light it and make you wake up from its smell. And for gods sake, it was your divine room. He would never light a cigarette here. Soon he could see the information required to your assignment.

“Oh yes! I got it Robin chan! Thanks for your help”, he thanked her and they both ended the call after the exchanging a few more casual talks.

He looked at some other sites Robin mentioned and found everything that you required for writing this assignment. He actually wanted to write for you but, he knows that you’d feel guilty if he wrote it. So he just searched it for you. Then looked at another assignment which was the next one you had to submit in 5 days from now. So, he started to search for it and found the required information. He looked at the time and noticed that, it was already 2 in the morning. He didn’t even knew how the time passed while he searched for the information.

Sanji stretched his arms and stood up. He walked towards the bad, where you were sleeping peacefully. He smiled at you before kissing your forehead. He hugged you as he slept beside you.

The next day you woke up to the aroma of the food. You woke up from the best sleep you had. It was so refreshing and you felt so much better with it. You got up from the bed and went to the kitchen, where you saw the blond cooking for you.

You hugged him from behind as he grinned at your cute behaviour. “Good morning love”, he greeted you as he placed one of his arm around your shoulder and snuggled closer to you.

“Thanks for making this baby. I am so thankful for this”, you said pecking his cheek. He smiled and continued to make the breakfast.

“Its alright. Well, Y/N, you need to eat before you start writing the assignment. You smiled looking at him. ‘I am sure lucky’, you thought. You ate breakfast and then Sanji showed you the information he collected to write the assignment. Just when you thought you couldn’t fall in love with him more, he proved you wrong.

He was beside you leaning down with the laptop before you two as he was talking about some websites Robin chan mentioned. You placed your hand on his chin and turned him towards you then  pulled him in for a kiss.

“I think, I found the best boyfriend one could have. I’m so lucky”, you said as you hugged him

He blushed so hard when you said that.

“AHHH!! AND YOU ARE THE BEST GIRLFRIEND Y/N, I LOVE YOU TOO”

That day you both wrote the assignments together and finished them.

“Its okay to ask for help Y/N, I am always happy to help you”, Sanji said as he held the finished papers of the assignment.

You smiled back at him and said, “Thankyou Sanji. I… I’ll ask your help”

XOXOXOXO

So, I hope you liked this one shot. I felt so connected writing this. If you are facing a similar situation. Just remember. You need rest and you can always ask for help. Please give yourself credit and stay positive.

Like/Vote, Comment, Reblog/Share if you liked it!

Follow for more content!!

[drsilverfish]

The Triffid of Hope and the Stop-Watch of Despair - 15x09 The Trap

Hey everone,

I’m just catching up British time, as usual, and getting down my initial thoughts before I jump in and see what you’ve all been up to.

The much-anticipated Purgatory prayer episode - here we go!

First off - Chuck is a lying liar who lies, and also, how bad was his vamp Winchester bros script?! We know it’s a script, because he asks Sam - “So, what d’ya think?” writer-style, after AU!Bobby executes Vamp!Sam. I thought Bobo did great work here, distinguishing (for us) between his own writing and Chuck’s sucky (ha ha) vamp-Chesters ending. And oh boy, does Bobo torch the “Butch and Sundance going out together in blaze of glory” SPN scenario, because it’s one of Chuck’s shitty versions. I think we can rest assured we’re not gonna get that! 

“All good things must come to an end,” Chuck says, holding up a scalpel in the Lucky (pink) Elephant (in the room, ahem Destiel) Casino. Bobo’s meta way of telling us that yes, of course, there is pain to be endured (by us) along the way, before our heroes get their freedom. Pain, because Supernatural, our favourite show, is ending.

I loved the double-structure of the episode, which balanced Sam and Eileen’s story with Dean and Cas’ story - past, present and future folded into one another; see-sawing between the twin axes of hope and despair. 

The Triffid of Hope:

Isn’t this shot (and its symbolism) great? Dean is framed between the Purgatory-Triffid and the awesome three-eyed skull of a dead Leviathan (the “third eye”, in Indian spiritual traditions, symbolising higher self-knowledge).

Leviathan dude: “There’s a blossom, that grows out of the soil when we die.”

Ah-ha - I knew all the death symbolism in Michael’s God-locking spell had to mean something. It just didn’t happen the way I thought it would (Cas dying in Purgatory).

Instead, the Leviathan blossom is a monster-corpse feeding flower - it grows from death. And so it is a perfect metaphor for hope, linked to all the old vegetation Gods (like Osiris, like the myth of Persephone) as well as to those heroic underworld journeys, of Gilgamesh and Orpheus and Inanna which @prairiedust and I were talking about previously in relation to Purgatory 2.0. Because, from death, springs new life (just as Spring follows Winter) and from an underworld journey comes deeper self-knowledge and psychic growth (a la Jung). 

On a meta level, this is Bobo’s message to us too - yes the show has to “die”, but who knows what new and wondrous things will be born from its “corpse”. 

Dean was previously the one, of the two Winchester brothers, who’d lost hope as result of the “Welcome to the End” revelations about Chuck’s active machinations in their lives. Dean was the one who couldn’t figure out what was real especially his relationship with Cas:

Dean: “I can’t figure out what’s God and what’s real, and it’s driving me crazy” (15x06 Golden Time). 

He was the one who’d said (as emphasised in this week’s re-cap): “It’s God, Sam... How the Hell are we supposed to fight God?” (15x05 Proverbs 17:3). 

But, in Purgatory 2.0, Dean got his hope back. 

Why? 

We already know why, from watching Dean pivot from suicidal in 13x05 Advanced Thanatology, to happy cowboy cosplay in 13x06 Tombstone, as soon as he got Cas back from death. Cas is intimately tied to Dean’s sense of faith and hope.

And in Purgatory 2.0, Dean finally finds (some of) his words and gets his relationship with Cas back on track, and in so doing, he recovers that faith and hope. 

Hence that shot of him lying between death (the Leviathan skull) and the Triffid of Hope. Because Dean’s underworld journey to Purgatory 2.0 brings clarity to hs heart, just as it did last time. In Purgatory 1.0, “It felt pure”; in Purgatory 1.0, Dean’s mission was, “Where’s the angel?” In Purgatory 1.0, Dean let himself love Cas again (as I’ve said before) without guilt, despite the things Godstiel/ Levi!Cas had done, to Sam, and to the world.

In Purgatory 2.0, Dean (just like Sam, in the parallel story) is on the clock. Time is ticking - the rift Michael opened is finite:

 And so, in losing Cas for several frantic hours as the clock runs out, Dean finds clarity, just as he did before, and he prays (on his knees no less):

Dean: “Cas, whereever you are, it’s not too late. I should have stopped you. You’re my best friend, but I just let you go...”

And Dean cries as he prays, and there is absolutely no doubt, in those tears, and in that apology, that he loves Cas (although the text continues to embrace ambiguity as to the nature of that love). 

Imagine - Dean must also be reliving the last time they were in Purgatory together, when Cas actively chose to stay behind, which broke Dean’s heart so much he re-wrote his own memory. In the land of monsters once more, Dean is, finally, terrified it’s all going to happen again (because he pushed Cas away this time). 

As a romantic love-story, of course, it’s still subtext. The glass-closet still structures the narrative. We still get the plausible deniability “bromance” of; “Cas, you’re my best friend.”

And you know, it’s totally OK to feel disappointed, heart-sore, stricken or enraged about that. Nothing throws the heteronormativity of our world more into relief than watching Sam have a beautiful and tender kiss with Eileen (and I totally buy and love their relationship) when their love-story has had a tenth of the back-story and build-up that exists between Dean and Cas, whilst Dean and Cas get a hug (albeit a clearly very emotional one):

I think “queerbaiting” is, partly, a receiver-effect. Meaning, it’s partly subjective. So, some people may feel “queer-baited” by the show and others may not. It’s certainly perfectly legitimate to feel the pain of the closet, of almost-but-not-quite representation (and many queer fans have left the show over the years for that reason). The definition of “queerbaiting” however, is complex (and needs its own post). 

For myself, I absolutely do feel the pain of the closet, but I don’t feel a sense of “bad faith” from the writers’ room (and I used to). I certainly trust in Bobo, whose first episode was that paean to break-up angst, 9x06 Heaven Can’t Wait, to be telling Dean and Cas’ love-story as truly, madly and deeply as he can, within the constraints imposed by TPTB (the fact that also happens to suit TPTB is another level we won’t get into here). 

Because isn’t this the face of a man who had something else to say, when Cas cut him off with, “You don’t have to say it - I heard your prayer” ????

The Stop-Watch of Despair:

Chucks’ mission in 15x09 is to crush Sam’s hope, even as Dean is re-gaining his own hope in Purgatory. 

Chuck does that in two ways. First, he makes Sam and Eileen doubt how much of their love story is real, as he tells them he nudged Eileen’s resurrection along and then used her (unwittingly) to spy on the Bunker.

When Eileen leaves Sam, at the end of the episode, she says: “After what happened, I don’t know what’s real anymore..” 

Obviously, that is paralleled to Dean’s previous doubt about his relationship with Cas, which Cas answered expllicity in 15x02 Raising Hell (although Dean couldn’t take it in at the time):

Dean: “Nothing about our lives is real. Everything that we've lost, everything that we are is because of Chuck. So maybe you can stick your head back in the sand, maybe you can pretend that we actually had a choice. I can't.”

Castiel: “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

Sam plays Cas’ part (but it’s his own part too - I don’t want to reduce Sam and Eileen to mere parallels for Dean and Cas - their story is their own) when he kisses Eileen and says, “I know that was real,” (so, he’s able to hold onto a little hope, after all - go Sam!):

Second, Chuck makes Sam doubt the possibility of a happy ending, for the Winchesters, for the people they love, and, importantly, for the world. If they succeed in locking Chuck away, Chuck claims, Sam and Dean will die as vampires, and monsters will overrun the earth:

We can see here, that Metatron  was right, in 11x20 Don’t Call Me Shurley, when he said to Chuck, of humanity: “They are your greatest creation because they're better than you are.”

Because Chuck manages to get to Sam, psychologically, only because Sam cares, with all his heart, about the fate of the world and all the people in it. 

This is where the time-construction of the episode gets clever. Because, the future-Dean, who Sam sees, has lost hope again. And why? This is the face of a man who has locked Mark-of-Cain crazed Castiel in a Ma’lak box (and don’t forget S14 established the Ma’lak box as a closet metaphor):

And oh damn, we see Cas take on the Mark as part of the God-trapping spell in the “Trifffid of Hope” portion of the story. Does he still have it now, even though Chuck destroyed the spell?

Chuck shows Sam an (apparent) future in which the brother who raised him, has abandoned all hope, which is the true definition of Hell (”Abandon all hope, ye who enter here” - Dante’s Inferno) and that is the other psychological lever Chuck uses to get Sam to despair. His faith in Eileen is shaken, and his faith in Dean is shaken.  

Chuck clearly admires Sam. He almost treats him as a worthy antagonist. He refers to him as “Promethean” and “heroic”, and, in a sense, perhaps he genuinely means it. But, of course, it’s also part of his ploy to destroy Sam’s hope. Prometheus, after all, got his liver eaten out by eagles on the regular, sent by the chief God of Olympus himself, Zeus (aka Chuck) for his pains.

Chuck (to Sam): “You still think you’re the hero of this story. You still think you can win.”

And Chuck succeeds (temporarily) in destroying Sam’s hope, by making him doubt the reality of his love with Eileen, and by making him doubt that his big brother will have the hope necessary to “Carry on my wayward sons,” in the future (all the more believable because Sam has, in fact, seen Dean lose hope before when he’s lost Cas).

But what changes, monumentally, at the end of the episode, is that Dean doesn’t blame Sam. He just says, “That’s good enough for me,” about Sam’s assertion he believed in the Chuck-in-the-Cage future Chuck showed him, and, “We’ll find another way.”

Dean brought the Leviathan blossom of hope back from Purgatory, and with it, deeper self-knowledge about how he has taken his feelings of helplessness out, as anger, against the people he loves best (Sam and Cas). This time, he doesn’t do that. For Team Free Will, once all together again, The Triffid of Hope wins out over The Stopwatch of Doom. 

Just as it’s right, on a psychological level, that locking Chuck in a cage isn’t a viable solution - because external cages are metaphors for the prisons of the mind. Team Free Will’s heroic and metaphysical journey through the realms of the God-machine is also a journey towards emotional wholeness, and freedom from the psychological prisons of their past.  

And so, to conclude, this episode (my favourite of Bobo’s since his first) is filled with love.... and love. 

The Winchester brothers’ love for one another, we see, undoubtedly, in Sam’s narrative. But that’s also interesting, because again, Chuck misses Cas out of the story - and so ends up with a bros-only Butch and Sundance ending. And Bobo emphasises Chuck’s version is stuck in “toxic co-dependency” - because it’s the two of them, as Vampchesters, as monsters, going out together against the world - specifically against even their own friends, Bobby and Jodie. Now there’s a potent metaphor. By contrast, a healthy Sam and Dean relationship allows the loving presence of others.   

And there we have it -  the.. and love (precisely, the loving presence of others) in the love between Sam and Eileen (whose faith in that love, Chuck has deliberately shaken, for now) paralleled to the love between Dean and Cas (whose faith has been restored in Purgatory, for now).

Bobo clearly shows us that hope is the key to defeating Chuck, because it is only when Sam loses hope that Chuck is free of the God-wound. 

And love is hope, because to love is to be hopeful - to be hopeful that you will be loved back, that love will endure, that a future with your loved ones is possible and so, worth fighting for. 

Supernatural has always, always (as we all well know) been about the “power of love” (despite Dean’s doubt in 5x18 Point of No Return). 

In the end both the Triffid of Hope and the Stop-Watch of God-Time will converge, ending God-Time and granting true freedom for Chuck’s “characters”. 

[agileo-101]

A nightmare has ended today. I would like to share that with you guys to celebrate! This will be a long post so honker down guys.

At the beginning of November, my account was hacked. My PayPal and my Google pay account were abridged.

On my PayPal, $1,236.50 was spent on 2 different power tools (what the hell am i gonna do with power tools??? this stuff is for house owners and i live in a freaking apartment!)

On my Google pay, a total of $ 3,057.12 was spent on freaking pixel 4

Now, I am going to assume this was done by two different hackers because their address is different, plus one guy's at Virginia.

I blurred out my name and my mom's name but those two are definitely not my address.

I even have one of the guy's name (or a fake name idk)

This was my major wtf moment. I was barely getting by paying my tuition and this happened. What little remaining money I had saved for Christmas gift was ripped away from me. The biggest irony of it all was that both of my Google pay account and PayPal had less than 100 dollars in it. Why the heck did those 2 companies allowed huge amount of money pulled out like that???? It was beyond me!!!

So the PayPal thing happened First.

At first everything was super frustrating every company was pushing off responsibility at each other. Acemetool claimed i need to talk to PayPal, PayPal claimed I need to talk to the merchant and this went on for a while.

I had to contact my bank first to cancel my card for security reasons and they issued me a new one (the front desk lady and consultant lady were so helpful and friendly.... Bless your hearts!!!). Then I had to call acemetool website to inform that the tools were a fraudulent order. They had to contact FedEx in order to intercept the packages. Thankfully I had contacted them early and the packages were returning to the warehouse. The staffs at the call center was amazing and they helped every step of the way.

Now this took me at least more than 2 weeks to resolve. I thought, yay! Surely I can get something for my parents and sister for this Christmas!

By end of November.... My Google pay was hacked....

Now, the Google pay was tricky one. The hacker went as far as to put the shipping notice email into the trash to prevent me from noticing that an order was placed. Now, I learned that contacting Google was as hard as finding regular shonen anime that featured man's nipple.

I had submitted a dispute regarding the ridiculous fraudulent order. Within two days my dispute was rejected. Because apparently, the hacker used my mother's name and the guy happened to live in same district as me (it took a lot out of me not to hunt down the bastard) so, they thought that my RELATIVE has placed an order and closed the case. I was devastated.i spent a week or so dejected and rolling my head to figure out this issue (this is why when my commissioned plushie, Little Ghiaccio Nya came in, that was a big cheer for me). 

anyway, How do I prove myself when I could barely find contact?!

So this is my tip to you guys if you EVER get hacked and need to contact Google. Your laptop does not hold the answer. Your phone does. Google had it set up that if you don't have Google pay app on your phone, it is virtually impossible to contact anyone. When you download the app, it gives you two options. Call or chat. I would recommend chat over the call because for call you will have to wait FOR HOURS! But in chat all you have to wait is couple of seconds. The investigating team/security team had temporarily frozen my account for safety reasons. I easily provided that I did not order the items. With my id, my mother's id and our home address on our drivers' licenses, the invoice from the bank vs the address that was on the shipping address (and the guy’s name when he signed for the package release). plus, on my Google store history, my purchase never exceeded $20 so the sudden crazy amount of spending was tad alarming. The agent from Google play support was very helpful, she answered all my questions and got back to me as soon as she could (which again, was so kind of her. She went on extra miles to assist me)

And today I was informed that the agent who was helping me

THANK GOD!!!!!

It is finally over! And this took about a little over two weeks to solve with google.

So yeah, I had been living under stress for good two months. It was such a wild rollercoaster ride. I was depressed because while I worked my butt off everyday to provide for family (I am also full time student, so I am sacrificing my social life, sleep and time to do my homework. I wake up 5 I the morning go to class, get to work at 4:30, clock out at 9:30, do homework until 2 in the morning. And repeat) and some jackass who doesn't want to do earnest earnings decided to steal what little I had. I experienced cruelty, greed and major frustration.

But at same time, I saw kindness from staff members at the bank, acemetool, and Google

Can't say same for you PayPal, got abridged first place, put me on hold for 40 min, barely answered my questions and the best thing you told me to do was "change my password" You did not offer me explanation as in why the hell you allowed more then $ 1,000 dollars to be pulled out of my account when I barely had $100 in there! grow some balls, have respect and Tighten your security for f**k sake

Then my friends from University who prayed for me, professors who encouraged me and. @dratinimartini @processormalfunction @x-01-king @lyxine you guys were my moral and emotional support. You guys are gem!

I sigh with relief and happy that it was over with. i am little paranoid every time i check my account, i tripped my security and changed all my passwords to all of the currently existing accounts. that is to be expected.

i’m still mad that those hackers are out there, invading ppl’s privacy and stealing their hard earn monies.i hope that whoever hacked my account, karma has something stored for them >:(

for now, i sleep with my legs stretched out. for christmas, i had commission money that came to my way (thanks for the $50 K-Bro!) and i will use that to buy something for my family :D so happy merry Christmas eve everyone.

stay safe

[amydancepants-peralta]

So here’s a little headcanon that I wrote, that absolutely no-one asked for, totally inspired by this post by @Upworthy on Instagram that completely melted my heart.  (aka, a fic where Jake goes to ballet class with his daughter and everyone’s heart explodes just a little bit 💕💕)

(Full disclosure, I have no idea what I think they will call their child, or even if they will have their daughter.  There have been some amazing options thrown around, and I here for all of them!)

x

tutu tuesday 🩰👯‍♀️

Jake Peralta, in case anybody is asking, is one of the most bad-ass detectives New York has ever seen.  The best, in fact (a statement he can now make a little more confidently, given that his wife is now a Lieutenant).  He has seen things that could make even the toughest cringe, and he can handle any situation that the world throws at him.

Except, it seems, Tutu Tuesday at his daughter Mia’s dance class.

He’d been so confident walking in today.  His mother had been so insistent that he knew how to dance properly (it’s an incredibly charming skill, Jacob, and not up for negotiation) that spare time during his youth had been filled with dance classes not dissimilar to this.  It was a expertise that few knew about, mainly because he rarely mentioned it without turning bright red, but he was actually fluent in the art of ballroom dancing, and after two years of lessons, a master at tap.  And sure, it had been a few years (okay, maybe more than a few) since he’d actually danced, but it was just like riding a bike …. right?

Wrong.

His feet wouldn’t turn out the right way, his frame refused to lock into place, and he was just a bumbling mess of oversized limbs and mumbled apologies that kept accidentally bumping into people whenever he tried to move.

His daughter, on the other hand?

“No Daddy, like this!” She giggles, raising her hands up as high as she can reach them and spinning, and she definitely didn’t get this from Amy but she turns so gracefully, so weightlessly, this beautiful hybrid of messy curls and a button nose that (thank god) she had inherited from her mother and his heart just may not be able to contain how cute this is.  Not for the first time since her birth, Jake wishes he had a Go-Pro permanently strapped to his head, purely to capture all of these tiny but incredible moments, because it doesn’t seem possible for him to be able to remember all of them, but somehow he does.  

He can’t wait to get home to Amy, to tell her about their day, and also he just noticed one of the waiting moms taking video of the whole thing and he’s definitely going to ask her for a copy.  

“And one, two, three and plié!” Miss Melissa the dance teacher calls out from the front of the class, and quickly Mia moves back into position in front of Jake before bending her knees outwards so smoothly it appears second nature.  Jake copies his daughter’s action, ignoring the definite creak that came from his left knee or the tiny twinge of pain that came from his nearly decade old bullet wound, and steadfastly ignores the mirror on the wall opposite them.  

“Lift up!” the teacher calls out and Jake leans forward, gripping his daughter carefully around the waist and raising her up high.

“And time to twirl!” 

Jake turns in a circle, praying that he’s staying within their own dance space as Mia’s ribcage vibrates with giggles.  Her body is held into a tiny arabesque position, arms and legs as straight as she can manage through her contagious giggles, and the smile on her face could light up the entire room.  Jake can feel his body swaying to the side as the spinning makes him dizzy, and he tightens his grip slightly before lowering to the ground with the other dancers, smiling when Mia immediately envelopes his legs in a giant hug.  

His lower back is aching, his knee is absolutely throbbing and this did not go the way he had expected it to (what on earth happened to his dancer’s frame, damnit?) but his daughter was bursting with happiness and he was so very, very grateful that he got to attend ballet class today.  

“That was so fun, Daddy!” Mia tells him, voice muffled by his sweater, and Jake’s heart soars.

Keeping one hand on her back, Jake uses the other to push his glasses back up (today was his first day off in ten days, and contacts seemed like way too much effort this morning), glancing over at the other dads beside him and feeling relieved when they looked just as exhausted as he did.  Marco, the father of Mia’s dance class bestie Harper, widened his eyes in Jake’s direction, pretending (or maybe not pretending) to wipe a line of sweat off his brow.  At the front of the room, Miss Melissa announces today’s class was over, asking all the children to give a round of applause to all the parents that had come to class today.  

Jake gives a tiny bow in Mia’s direction, lifting his hand up for a high five when she finishes clapping, and lets out a relieved sigh that finally he could relax again.  

Parenting was tough, guys.  

.

.

“Okay, madam Mia, remember our story?” Jake asks as he switches off the car engine, turning in his seat to smile at his daughter still safely ensconced in her carseat.

“Dance class then straight home!  No icecweam at all!” Her tiny voice cries out, raising one tiny hand across her mouth in a ‘my lips are sealed’ motion she had definitely picked up from her mother.  

“Exactly, baby girl.”  Grabbing one of the wet wipes from the holder Amy installed in the centre console, Jake unbuckles his seat beat and leans towards his daughter, wiping the remnants of the ice cream that they absolutely did not have from her face before getting out of the car.  She is a wriggly worm of excitement as they make their way along the footpath to their apartment, feet still stretched out in perfect points as she practices her pirouettes.

“Imma show Mommy how good I’ve gotten!” Mia announces as Jake unlocks the door to the building, bounding towards the elevator with such energy that he needs to push his aching legs into double time just to keep up.  

Her tiny ballet slipper covered feet slap against the hardwood floors that lead to their front door, and she bursts into their home as soon as Jake turns the key, racing over to Amy in the kitchen before Jake’s even crossed over the threshold.

“Mommy, Mommy!  Daddy danced with me today and the teacher said I was rooly good and we definitely didn’t have any ice cream at all!”  Her words bounce off the kitchen cabinets as she races into Amy’s arms, and Jake steadfastly looks the other way as Amy clocks the words ice cream and definitely.  

“Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun, Mia!” Amy responds with a laugh, clapping politely as her daughter begins to display her turns, holding third position as she finishes.  “Very good, sweetheart!”

“You shoulda seen Daddy, he was soooo funny!” Their daughter giggles, pointing at Jake before covering her mouth to conceal her laughter.  

“I bet he was, baby.  How about we get changed out of our tutus and into our regular clothes, and you can come back and tell Mommy about the rest of your day?”  Mia nods, waiting until Amy has bent down to leave a kiss on the top of her head before running towards her bedroom, the tulle edges of her skirt scraping against the door frame as she runs.  

“I’ll have you know, I glided like an angel in that classroom.”  Jake begins, walking into the kitchen and giving Amy a kiss in greeting.

“I’m sure you did, babe.”  Amy winks, ruffling his hair good naturedly.  “But what’s this I hear about ice cream, Detective?”

He winces, glancing in the direction of their daughter’s bedroom before leaning in for another soft kiss.  “You know I can’t help myself when she looks at me with those gorgeous eyes of hers, Ames.”  He rubs his nose against his wife’s before continuing.  “I’m a sucker for them, and because they’re the same as yours, I totally hold you responsible.  Besides, she knows the rule.  No ice cream after dinner if she’s had some earlier.”

Amy’s eyebrows lift as she pulls away slightly, leaving her hands gripped tightly around Jake’s waist.  “You’re going to deal with the meltdown later, Peralta.”

“Fair call.”  He leans in for another kiss, because he truly can’t get enough of his wife, before leaning back to pull his phone out of his pocket.  “Would it help if I told you that I have video from our class today to show you?”

“Um, YES!  Why didn’t you lead with that?  Gimme!” 

Laughing, Jake hands over his phone before turning his attention to the ingredients for dinner that Amy had begun to lay out on the bench.  She was an excellent planner, but not so excellent chef, and surprisingly he had taken to the role like a duck to water.  

He hears a snort behind him as he reaches for a frypan from the cupboard, half turning to watch Amy’s shoulders begin to shake with laughter as she pauses the video on his phone.  

“Soo … by ‘glided like an angel’, you totally meant ‘stumbled like a baby calf learning how to walk’, right?”

“Hey!  I was very graceful.”

Amy nods slowly, the barely contained smile on her face completely giving her true opinion away.  

“Ballet is hard, babe!  Honestly, I do not recommend.”

“No doubt!  But Mia looks like she loved it.”

He turns fully at that, leaning his weight against the kitchen counter.  “She is so amazing, Ames.  Our girl can move.”  Throwing Amy a wink, Jake continues.  “No idea where she gets it from, though.”

Her hand slaps against his shoulder, and he captures it before she can get away, leaving an apologetic kiss against her palm.  “Sorry, babe.”

Amy’s eyes narrow slightly but she shakes her head with a sighed, “No, you’re right.”, before leaning her head against Jake’s chest, arms encircling around his waist.  “It’s about time there was a Santiago child that could dance, though.  And I’m totally proud that it’s ours!”

A heavy thump and the unmistakeable sound of multiple items falling echoes down the hallway, interrupting their quiet moment, and Amy lifts herself out of Jake’s arms with a groan.  “One of these days, she’s going to be able to get changed without making a mess.  This is totally your genes at play here, Peralta.”

Jake’s unable to argue as Amy hurries out of the kitchen, watching her hips sway (still a favourite of his) before moving a few ingredients to the cutting board and reaching for a small dose of paracetamol from their first aid kit.  

Parenting was hard, and his dancers frame was all but completely gone, but all of it was one hundred percent worth it.  

[the-single-element]

Hello all.

I think it’s about time for an update on my regular Sunday posts.

As the liturgical year winds down, and we approach the time when we contemplate Jesus's return, it seems that my local archdiocese has become impatient for someone else’s return as well. As of the beginning of this month, there’s still a dispensation from the normal Sunday obligation, but it’s tempered with a warning that this obligation will probably return in some form for Advent, and paired with admonitions that the healthy should be "examining the risk factors in their lives and discerning if they have valid reasons to stay home from Sunday Mass".

Unfortunately, the parishes’ safeguards against spreading COVID - similarly to those of other institutions - seem to be lagging behind the science. Despite indications that indoor vs outdoor environments have a huge effect on the risks of infected aerosol buildup, social distancing is being treated as sufficient for protecting the faithful during an indoor, hour-long service; masks are even being allowed to be removed once seated.

I have, thankfully, found an alternative liturgical form within about a half-hour’s drive, which does not run these risks: a “drive-in” Mass offered in a nearby university town. I didn’t get a chance to go today, but will probably give it a try next weekend; hopefully, if Advent does bring a “partially restored” Sunday obligation, this sort of Mass will still be recognized as fulfilling it. But it does mean that my original reason for these posts - as a way of “keeping holy the Sabbath” while the precious body and blood are out of reach - may soon no longer apply.

But at the same time... I’ve gotten feedback in the past couple months from folks reading these posts, who’ve found them helpful and valuable in their own COVID-haunted Sunday practice. So it’s possible that I’ve been the patsy of one of God’s little bait-and-switches here (it wouldn’t be the first time!) and that once I go back to church, these posts will need to continue regardless. I’ll be praying on that, and we’ll see where it goes.

In the meantime, I’m hanging in there.

And I hope you’re all hanging in there too, and that God strengthens our grips to keep hanging on until this too passes.

Best wishes and blessings to you and yours.

[theshinobiway]

hi! could you please do headcannons with #5 (massages) from the touch prompts for team gai + team kurenai?

Request Scenarios: #5 (Massages) for Team Guy & Team Kurenai

Heck yes I’d love to! I’m always down to write about my Konoha 12 babes

as long as I can make sure the blog stays tilted in favor of Team Guy! Thanks

for submitting the ask to the blog! 

Minor Suggestive content but nothing explicit.

Might Guy

Giving

Ø  Oh God please ask for a massage at your own risk

Ø  He gets a little overzealous, to say the least. If we’re talking about Gai, you’re getting either the best shiatsu of your life or karate chopped in half. I guess your back can’t hurt if it’s been liquified.

Ø  He’s got some big hands and he’s going to show you everything he can do with them.

Ø  He will crush every bone in your body. That’s what he’s going to do with them.

Ø  You never knew you could bend that way, now whoop here you are. The context forthis can go either way because it would happen like that. He’ll be your personal chiropractor.

Ø  If you aren’t screaming ‘yes daddy’ by the end of the massage consider it his off day.

Ø  Though honestly, that stubborn knot in your back? Gone. Your spine went with it, but sacrifices had to be made. Thank you come again

Receiving

Ø  This man’s back is so tight it could deflect bullets.

Ø  You want to massage Guy? Buy a jackhammer. Only the steel-handed will work their magic on these biceps. You can try to kiss up on him to be sweet, but save it for his face, he’ll feel it more there anyway.

Ø  Loves his pecks massaged. They just get so tense from being, y’know, super freaking ripped all the time.

Ø  Use your whole body weight and press down as hard as you can go. You’ll warm him up to where he can relax a little and you can start to make headway into the 4 inches of rock solid steel that covers his body. Plus, he’s the kind to give you a lot of verbal praise.

Ø  Get your elbows in there son. You can’t go too rough on Guy. Just punch his back like your name is Saitama.

Ø  You trying to rile him up? Just freaking grab it. Massage round two: The dickening.

Rock Lee

Giving

Ø  Lee is so shy about putting his hands on you whether it’s giving or receiving, doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable and is worried about making you think he's inappropriate.

Ø  If you encourage him enough he’ll definitely do it and will be a little too soft at first, doesn’t want to hurt you at all. 

Ø  He’ll try to do exactly what you say but he might get a little crazy with it (slow down Lee), but if you don’t feel the need to reign him in besides that he’ll cover every muscle in your body. 

Ø  Literally will not stop until you are the most relaxed you’ve ever been. Once he gives you one, he’ll pop up every time you say something is sore and take care of it on the spot. You now have him on call and this boy delivers.

Ø  You don’t even need to ask at this point, mention you’re in pain (like cramps or anything) and he’s there. Doesn’t even bat an eye at what you’d be asking him to do. 

Ø  If you want more from this massage you’ll have to drop some serious hints. Lee will be a little flustered at first to act, but turn around and catch him in a kiss and he’ll get the idea. You might have to physically move his hands where you want them, but he does a thorough job.

Receiving

Ø  Now you know this boy needs athletic massages like no other with his crazy training regiments.

Ø  Totally wants it but may hesitate to ask. If he’s given you a massage but you haven’t given him one, still will be too flustered to ask.

Ø  You’ll have to vary your grip because his muscles will be crazy sore after a long day. Certain areas will be more sensitive/needy than others. He doesn’t have a preference on where you go on his body, he needs it all.

Ø  If you go rough on him (and he hasn’t injured anything lately) he might just pass out from how good it is. Tbh rough massages are his preference but with how often he pulls something he can’t always have them when he wants.

Ø  Going nice and slow will put him in the mood in a snap. He’ll be trying the whole time to enjoy it but the feeling of you being so gentle with him will make him want more of you. Prepare for a passionate encounter after with lots of kissing and hand-on-body contact.

Ø  His biceps, forearms, and calves need extra love. They’re always the most tense and get the brunt of his training. Start with gentle rubs, move up to kneading them, and finally use direct pressure on your fingers. Lee will be super snuggly with you the whole time you do it, giving you lots of verbal cues to let you know that he thinks you give the best massages in the whole village.

Tenten

Giving

Ø  You’ll have to ask, but Tenten will most often be down for giving massages to both her s/o and perhaps a closer friend.

Ø  She gets right to business where you need, and she doesn’t really ‘lead up to it.’ If you need gentle massages you’ll have to remind her because like everything else in her life, she goes hard. 100% or nothing baby

Ø  With a friend she’ll be insistent at working at the problem spots until the all of the knots are all gone. Nope, no job is left half-finished with Tenten. You’re staying until they’re gone and that’s final.

Ø  With her s/o she might relent a little bit, but she’ll also know how to work your body a lot better, which means it won’t take as long.

Ø  Low-key melts when you curl up with her. Loves having you in her arms while she gently massages your back, male or female.

Ø  Initiating sexytimes with a massage isn’t her preferred route, but if she’s on edge enough she’ll get creative. She’ll go for your sensitive spots and man she is good with her hands, you won’t want to stop her.

Receiving

Ø  As mentioned before in another post, Tenten will kill a man for back scratches. Especially if you go at it where her bra straps would be.

Ø  Will literally collapse into a puddle in your arms. She works out every muscle imaginable with her various weapons and this is such a welcome relief to finally relax.

Ø  The only place she doesn’t like touched as much is her hands, they get pretty raw from her weapon use and having to regularly cut them for her summoning jutsu. You can go pretty hard everywhere else, she isn't picky.

Ø  Massage her scalp after she takes her hair down, it feels heavenly. You’ve now unlocked snuggly Tenten and she won’t be leaving your side for the next few hours.

Ø  If you try to stop massaging her before she’s done, you’ll get the meanest of glares. Don’t you dare stop. You start massaging Tenten, you’re locked in for the next hour at least.

Ø  Of course, massages might get you lucky, but don’t push it if she’s tired. She works so hard so take some time to appreciate all those amazing and well-defined muscles you get to massage.

Neji Hyuga

Giving

Ø  Tbh the Hyuga have the entire body down to a perfected art and within the hour this genius is going to know your own body better than you probably do.

Ø  If you get a massage from him pre-relationship, he’ll only do your hands or a brief massage of your shoulder if you injured it, he keeps his touch strictly platonic and methodical even if he likes you. If he likes you he’s totally dying on the inside when he gets to touch you for an extended period of time.

Ø  Even still holy hell he’s got some magic hands. Can find and eliminate knots and discomfort in record time. Pretends like he’s agitated that you ask him to do it, but deep down he’s tossing his hair like ‘I know I’m good.’

Ø  Starts off gentle, ghosting his fingertips along your neck and back, before increasing the pressure once he locates the areas you need. Might be a bit of a tease if the massage is more meant for pleasure than soreness. Are you begging for more? You might be, idk.

Ø  He has like.. a presence. A really magnetic and naturally sensual presence, especially when you can tell his entire attention is on you. Even if he’s not trying to put you in the mood, somehow you’ll get there. Just emanates a natural knee-weakening sensuality in intimate situations.

Ø  If it’s not early relationship, he’ll try take advantage of a massage every time, he just can’t help it when he gets to caress your body in all the ways he wants to but is intimidated to ask for.

Ø After he works out all the knots and has you practically melting in his hands, of course.

Receiving

Ø  You only find out if Neji wants a massage by if he lets you or if he chews you out for trying. It’s like playing Neji minesweeper. Hot damn Neji this is why you need to chill out.

Ø  The first massage will probably be his hands after training. Totally eyeing you the whole time, but once you get started he’ll close his eyes and relax into your touch.

Ø  Prefers steady, firm pressure. He won’t direct you too much unless you’re honestly not super great at it, but he’ll be patient because he knows not everyone is as familiar with the body as he is.

Ø  You’ll never see Neji so relaxed until you give him a really good massage. He’s always super tense and on edge, so a good massage of his whole upper body will turn him to mush. Might even put him to sleep.

Ø  Massaging his scalp and forehead is his ultimate weakness. Nails on the scalp will give him goosebumps, but don’t be too rough. Forehead massages he never knew he liked until you tried it once to change things up, and now he’s addicted. When he lays his head in your lap he’s literally always praying you’ll give him one.

Ø  Kiss or nip at his neck once you have him mostly relaxed and it’s over, you’re getting laid then and there.

Kurenai Yuhi

Giving

Ø  Queen of sensual massages. She’ll wind you up in .5 seconds

Ø  She’s got the experience to know exactly what to go for and how. She won’t really touch you if you’re not dating, but massages become a part of the regular routine with her. She loves putting her hands on you.

Ø  Can work in a relaxing genjutsu on you to make your surroundings more serene. Like think of a spa atmosphere and music but you’ll be in a genjutsu that will put you right next to the waterfall or by the beach.

Ø  Loves to follow up your massage by drawing you a nice bath, tbh it’s not just the massage it’s the whole experience with her. She loves pampering her s/o.

Ø  Uses aromatic oils every time, can create a scent specifically for you. Such a meditative experience. Tbh her whole presence is always just so calming.

Ø  Her massage style is a combination of using her nails, warm stones, and firm fingertip pressure.

Receiving

Ø  You might feel intimidated because of how high the bar is set with how she does massages, but Kurenai isn’t that picky as long as you’re gentle.

Ø  Please make sure your hands are properly lotioned up, she hates the feeling of rough hands on her body. You might even want to soak them beforehand.

Ø  Foot massages are her weakness. Give her one after a long day and she’ll be purring just for you.

Ø  Tbh work your way up her thighs in a slow and sensual fashion and Kurenai will be in the mood real quick. Her thighs are sensitive, so don’t overstimulate.

Ø  Her whole body is pretty sensitive? Again, be gentle with her. Always air on the side of too light versus too firm, firmness will turn her off.

Ø  She’ll show you how to use the oils and hot stones if you want, though she’s pretty simple in just liking plain massage oil.

Kiba Inuzuka

Giving

Ø  You are probably only getting a massage if he’s horny

Ø  Lots of nails, lots of tongue, gentle nips with his teeth. Your skin will be covered in love marks during your massage but he’s going to keep you on the edge until you’re practically begging for him.

Ø  Max skin-to-skin contact. You might be getting a massage, but his shirt is off and he’ll massage all the way down your back while you’re in his lap or while he’s making out with you from the front.

Ø  He doesn’t spend too long on the massage, to say the least. You get maybe thirty minutes tops before you’re completely naked.

Ø  But if you’re really in need of a massage, fine

he’ll calm his energetic self down and get to work. He’s a little rough with his hands but it feels pretty darn good anyway

Ø  Gives the best menstrual cramp massages somehow. Maybe it’s because he was raised by women, but he knows exactly how to handle that sort of pain. Plus, Kiba ain't the kind of man to neglect his partner.

Receiving

Ø  You touch this boy and he’s in the mood 0-100 real quick

Ø  If you can get him calm enough to give him a massage, He will be very vocal about how much he’s enjoying what you’re doing.

Ø  After a good massage he’ll literally do whatever you want him to do. If you need something from him, you just give him a massage and he’s all “yes dear”

Ø  Really get in on his lower back and his forearms. He gets the most tension in his back and his forearms really just feel nice.

Ø  He’ll never admit it, but man he loves glute massages. Will totally freak out the first time you try and will deny it every time, but once you’re together for long enough he’ll let you do it. Boi has a good booty anyway so it’s totally worth it.

Shino Aburame

Giving

Ø   Not really sure how to do a massage at first, the Aburame aren’t touchy-feely at all as a family. He’s probably the most touch-avoidant of the entire Konoha 12

Ø  He will give massages only to the person he’s dating. Single? You sore? Find a med-nin.

Ø  To his credit he follows directions to the T. Shino will do exactly as you instruct him, with just the exact pressure you specify. He’ll also do anywhere you ask. If you ask him for a more intimate area he’ll hesitate for a moment before acquiescing.

Ø  He doesn’t get creative with it, but he’ll remember exactly what you like.

Ø  His hands are nice and firm, he’s not shy about going for other areas either. Massages may not always be his preferred was of indicating his interest in taking things further, but he’ll definitely not miss the opportunity if he picks up on your mood.

Receiving

Ø  Shino will basically never ask for a massage, and you’ll probably only end up giving him one if you’re in the mood.

Ø  Be gentle please! His bikouju are sensitive to pressure and the slightest changes. The lighter your touch the better. He doesn’t mind, he actually likes just the sensation of your hands on him.

Ø  Use your nails around his hairline. Now that he’ll die for.

Ø  To rile up the stoic man use your lips on his neck and shoulders while you’re running your hands along his body. Hoo boy if you ever wanted to see Shino flustered and primed, there he is.

Ø  Touching is just so intimate for him in general, he never lets anyone touch him but the fact that you’re not only doing so but also in such an intimate way just shows how much he cares about you.

Hinata Hyuga

Giving

Ø  Step aside Neji, this is the massage queen of Konoha.

Ø  Everything Neji does she does 1000% better. She recognizes every reaction you have and will capitalize on it with perfect precision. It takes Neji a session to learn your body, Hinata probably has it mapped out in the first 10 minutes.

Ø  Definitely uses Byakugan to align your chakra, your chi, your spine, your tires, your life, Hinata is the human reset button for your body.

Ø  Definitely modest about how great she is at it, just wants you to know she’s doing it for you because she cares.

Ø  Everyone wants a massage from Hinata. Hinata only gives massages to people she’s incredibly close to, she’s too embarrassed to put her hands on someone she doesn’t know.

Ø  Hinata has a gentle touch, but be careful when you tell her to go firm because she doesn’t know how much is too much, she’ll crack your shoulder in half. But she’s an angel and it was awesome.

Receiving

Ø  She’ll be still as a statue the first few times you try to massage her, and you’ll need to go very slow. Pay attention to her comfort levels because she’s too timid to tell you otherwise. Do not pass go.

Ø  Her skin is really soft and it should go without saying that she prefers gentle over anything else. It doesn’t take a lot to get her to feel it.

Ø  Definitely appreciates menstrual massages, she gets really bad cramps. She’ll puppy-eye you for them but you know you’d be doing them anyway for her.

Ø  Look, straight up: Hinata has a big chest that weighs a lot on her back. The best areas to massage her will be her shoulder blades and her breasts (in a non-sexual manner.) Of course you can only do the latter while you’re dating, but despite how flustered she is know that it is such a relief. Be gentle with them, please. They’re breasts, not play-dough.

Ø  Breast massages don’t lead to more. Those are purely for her comfort and tbh it just never seems like the right time/mood while you’re doing it? Like you’re pretty much only doing it because she’s in serious discomfort and it seems insensitive to stop that just to hop on some hanky panky.

Ø  Massages can be very sensual with her, but that will have to be the mood before you go for it. But when you do get into it, it’s some of the best foreplay you’ve ever had.

[maknaes-and-hyungs]

Study Hard(Crack Version)

Pairing: Namjoon X Reader

Group: BTS

Genre: angst, fluff, Crack au

Description:Y/N needed help getting her grade up, so she kidnaps biggest boyband leader Kim Namjoon??? Hilarity ensues 🤪 (Renfox)

**Warning: Kidnapping is contained in this**

Note: A normal version will be coming when idk and im sorry that after 3 months this is what i’m posting. It’s not my usual style or thing but um i guess enjoy~Rin

“Oh shit ya girl got a 69!!!!!!!!”You walked into the common room of your dorm and dabbed aggressively as your roommates all silently prayed for your health. One of them, your best friend, slapped you in the back of the head and you fell face first into the floor.

“Dumbass. If you fail this class you’ll be behind on credits which means no more soccer even if it’s just pick up and you won’t be able to be keeper.”

“I’m already a keeper,uwu!” You did a peace sign over your eye and avoided the pillows thrown at you as you went into your room. As much as you joked you knew she was right and you had to do something. Of course it wouldn’t be studying more that hadn’t worked so far. If you’re roommates weren’t as dumb as you maybe you could get help, but alas you guys were the dumb ass squad.

You put your phone on the charger and started playing BTS from your computer. Namjoon’s solo reflection came on and you instantly knew what to do. He was supposed to be smart right, why not just kidnap him? There was a fansign today only one block away where you worked and you could probably get in easily.

“Alright well what bad can come of this?”You quickly changed into uniform and made sure to cover up with a long coat. It was normal for you to show up on your days off cause you always forgot one thing or another so your co-worker watching the door, to keep out waiting fans, let you in without question.

Whenever talent was doing a fansign or whatever they always stayed in the backroom before heading out. Before going in there you ditched your coat in the staff room and put on a serious, what you would describe as a work like look and strode in. All 7 members looked up to you and you had to catch yourself from accidentally saying fuck me.

“Hello. Your manager says he needs to talk with um...Namjoon I think it was?”You scratched the back of your head as if you were embarrassed to not who they were. The leader looked surprised but set down his phone, thank god, agreed to follow you. However you told him his manager had went out back to get more privacy and you led him to the rear exterior door.

You didn’t know what you were thinking when you had rushed into this whole thing without a plan more defined then just kidnap. You sure as hell weren’t strong enough to knock him out and you hadn’t even grabbed anything heavy to do that with. So you did the next worst thing, you stepped out with him letting the door shut behind you and blurted out the stupidest shit ever.

“I PEED MYSELF!”Namjoon slowly turned to you with a look that could only be described as what the fuck.

“I-I’m sorry?”

“It happened after we left the backroom. I haven’t had a break all day and thought I was gonna be okay. I was gonna take you to your manager but I didn’t want anyone to see me like this.” Your hands flew to your crotch as you covered up the lack of a wet patch and he looked before realizing what you were doing and his eyes snapped back to yours.

“I’d give you my jacket, but its back in the room. Just let me get it and-”He tugged on the door handle but it just clanged loudly without budging, it had locked.”Do you have keys?”

“Only managers have keys and I’m just a regular old employee.” Thank god those thugs had been hanging out back here again. The manager had decided to lock the back doors to make sure they wouldn’t try getting in that way.

“Okay well we can just go around front-”

“The fans are out there and I don’t know if you realize but I can’t be your bodyguard. I live a block away if you’ll escort me I can get changed and give you a disguise to get back in.”

“Why don’t I just call one of the guys to come get us? Except your problem and...okay lets go lead the way.”Thank god he was such a considerate human being or else you were about to be fucked to kingdom come. Thankfully you had about five minutes to figure out how you were gonna keep him at your dorm long enough to help you get smart.

Just as you were coming upon your door an epiphany hit you. Last october your friend had went as a sexy cop and she had borrowed her dads real handcuffs. Of course she lost them and got in big trouble, but what no one knew was that you had found them stuffed inside your peanut butter jar in your room. Since they had already been written off and it wouldn’t help her out you kept them cause why not.

“I have roommates who are big bts fans so we need to be quiet.”Not to mention this is technically a kidnapping so wouldn’t want to wake him up.You laughed to yourself at the terrible joke and opened your front door slowly. The coast seemed clear so the both of you crept in.

Your room was the first on to the left, but you had to access it thorough the lounge which was the hub. Sadly the lounge never seemed to be empty unless it was 3 am and it was currently around 11 am. Thankfully it was your roommate you all called bitty. She was the laziest out of all of you and wouldn’t move even if the whole building was burning. Unless there were hot wings, then nothing could stop the ravenous monster she turned into.

“OMG IS THAT MY HOT WINGS!!!”Bitty jumped up on the couch and turned around and got into a pounce ready stance. In your panic all you could do was rip Namjoons glasses of his face and through them into the open bathroom door. You heard a plop, oh well shit happens.

“Hey biterino.”

“Never call me that again. Also who is that?”Like you said, dumbass squad,”Oh this is just scott.”

“I thought he looked familiar but I guess not,” Dumbass.Squad. With that over you thought you were safe until another roommate of yours,charlie, walked in from the kitchen. This time you were in front of your door and you shoved Namjoon inside not caring for his safety.

“Y/N tell Bitty to share the couch.”

“Just pee on her and assert your dominance. We have talked about this so many times why don’t you just do it.” The death glare you received let you know you weren’t wanted and you were finally able to escape into your room. Namjoon stood in the center awkwardly looking around at everything.

“You can sit over here.” As Namjoon followed you to the chair you reached in your drawer and pulled out the handcuffs. Within a second you had his arm connected to the chair and he wasn’t going anywhere.

“What the hell? You’re a saseng aren’t you? You don’t even have a stain on your pants. Please don’t hurt me-”

“No I’m just stupid when it comes to computer sciences and your smart so I thought if I kidnapped you that you could tutor me.”

“I DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT CODING!!!!!!!” You rolled your eyes and grabbed an extra chair near your dresser along with your back pack.

“So? You’re smart and can teach me how to be productive. Also I gotta week before my exam and I need to raise my grade to a C. I gotta 69″ You wiggled your eyebrows at him not reading the situation at all. You had just kidnapped a man who was a celebrity and was always being threatened by crazy fans. Still 69 was a sex number and you were legally obligated to make a joke or a face whenever it was said.

“If I help you can you let me go? All I can do is give you study strategies I hope that’s enough.”

“I don’t know where the key to these are but I have a blowtorch in my underwear drawer so I guess I can let you go.” A few moments went by where you blankly stared at Namjoon and he looked like he was about to hemorrhage from sheer confusion,” Oh why do I have one of those? Well I needed to cook grilled cheese and I was using my pan as a trap in the cleaning supply closet. And well no one besides me ever cleans so it took a while for it to be set off.”

“You hit one of your roommates with a pan?”

“No. I forgot I put it there and I needed to clean up a spill in the kitchen. I was in the hospital for a couple of days, but now I am up one blowtorch so you tell me who really lost here.”

“Y-you?”

“Anyways lets get back to the matter at hand. Me getting a good grade in computer sciences. I’m usually smart and get A’s but I we took a quick break and I found this site where a killer whale follows your mouse,”Namjoon nodded slowly really not following where the story was going,”so I’ve spent the entire semester trying to get it to dance various kpop dances and rating them based on viability. I have a whole spreadsheet with various graphs, points of data, a code that predicts success rate and a comprehensive-”

“You did that all for a stupid whale but you cant get a passing grade.” You nodded and he groaned loudly wishing he could be anywhere but here, “Okay I am gonna show you how to study and maybe apply this whale thing to your class since you can’t seem to get past it.” You went for a celebratory fist bump and he reluctantly did it before getting started.

You actually started to get somewhere and could see why he was so smart. Hours passed and you both forgot that he had even been kidnapped. It took so long that you went to get snacks and found the key in the silverware drawer so you released Namjoon when you got back. He didn’t leave though instead continuing to tutor you.

“Okay so if you keep your colors limited and leave spaces for later you can test yourself later.”

“Why would I test myself when I already am tested in class.”

“I want to strangle you.”

“Go ahead daddy.”You smirked at him and he let his head drop onto the desk with a thud that told you it had hurt,”Damn can you hit me like that?”

Namjoon started to raise his head to, presumably, murder you when another one of your roommates threw open the door,”This bitch empty yeet.” and proceeded to throw herself down on your bed. In the background you heard someone haw and no investigation was needed to figure out who that was.

“How do you live here and get grades higher than 5 like-”

“Wait isn’t that...does Tabbs know that namjoon is in your room.”Harmony stared eerily quiet as you said nothing for a few seconds.

“Um...This is scott. He has aids and really has to go.” You pulled namjoon up and pushed him out of your dorm and down the stairs. Hopefully he wouldn’t call the police.(im sorry i rushed this ik its bad)

For: @sableaura @harmony991721 @hopeless-reckless-but-so-lovable @charlie-hatsune @kawaii-ing

[travelysh]

Being an Intern... 🤓

...can be so individual. With me being a journalism student, my supervisor thought I wanted to do a lot of writing during my internship with NCEM because that’s what she associated journalism with. I was given my personal office in the TV department’s building and I started off by writing stories. Until I joined PR meetings and started to get involved with other things.

But wait! First of all, what is NCEM all about?

Well... Okay!

The Northern Canada Evangelical Mission strives to equip their members with the necessary hardware and software (skills and much more) that they need. They want to empower them in every possible way and to encourage them throughout their work. For their wish is to establish strong multiplying churches across Canada as part of God’s amazing church. They work especially with and for First Nations people (= people of Native Canadian origin) and there are a lot of different areas that they are involved in. NCEM isn’t about making the big money and everyone who is engaged with them is supported by voluntary donors.

Check out their website📌 for more information.

1) What I have done:

NCEM’s TV team produces programs called Tribal Trails in which First Nations tell stories from their lives to encourage and inspire others. They release their newsletter News & Views several times a year. I started off with writing a story for the upcoming newsletter about a couple who had been interviewed for Tribal Trails. Their story really moved me. They had shared about the hard times they went through when their son was deceased with spinal meningitis at the age of 4 and how they were encouraged to trust in God when he was healed. Not even 30 years later they lost their son in a car accident. Reading through the transcription of their interview moved me to tears.

If you want to read about how they dealt with their struggles, read the whole story here: In the Midst of the Storm 📌

After finishing this task on the third day of my internship, I continued with a story for NCEM’s website about a young skateboarder from Arizona in the USA. I even emailed the guy to ask him if he could proof-read my story before it went online and it was fun to get recent updates from his life. He’d gotten married just a few months ago and had a really bad car accident. His story will be online soon and I’ll share the link if you’d like to read it.

Then there were PR meetings at our headquarters and I asked if I could join because PR was a big part of what I’d been looking forward to get involved with for my internship. There I got a better understanding of where NCEM’s at nowadays. I also met Caylea, our social media coordinator, for the first time. When I suggested that I could help by producing videos for promotion, some of us got really excited and I think that’s what kind of triggered what I’ve been doing since then and what I will be doing within the upcoming months.

2) What I am doing:

Since those meetings I’ve been in touch with Caylea and Jason (our PR manager) a lot more. Most people working with the organization are a lot older to me and NCEM is looking for more people to work with them, especially younger ones. So I started to work on my first video project. It’s a video about myself introducing the opportunity to do an internship with NCEM. At first it was an exciting idea to record a short clip that we could upload online, but it turned into a bigger project. The video is going online by the end of this week. I made a few final edits in the office today and there’s an English as well as a German version coming up. Wait for it! 🙂

The video is online on YouTube now! Watch it here📌 (English and German available)

I am also trying to help with creating social media content and with getting their online accounts a little more known. I am featured on their Facebook📌 and Instagram📌 profiles every once in a while. If you’d like to see those specific posts or to see more about what’s going on within NCEM, you should totally check out their accounts.

At the headquarters we mostly start the day together in a “chapel meeting”. Usually someone shares a few inspirational thoughts or words, we sing together and we pray for current things. It’s encouraging to pray for one another, to hear what the person who prepared for chapel has to share, and to spend time in community before we head to our offices. I was allowed to share about my life and thoughts that felt worth sharing twice since I started my internship. It’s a learning process for me, too, and it can be so much fun!

3) What I will be doing:

Jason, Caylea and I, with the help and inspiration of others, have come up with ideas for further video projects. NCEM doesn’t have a video about who they are and what they do yet and we want to change that. We’re planning to record several interviews and scenes from the different ministry fields like summer camps, aviation, TV production, the bookstore and the printshop...

We’d also like to record footage that can be uploaded on Youtube📌 on a more regular basis like interviews with NCEM workers, their kids, kids from camps etc.

It’d be nice to have more videos for example for Tribal Trails to explain what they are all about. But these jobs require a lot of time and we gotta start taking up one task at a time. If we can make a general NCEM promotion, maybe even in English and in German, that’d just be awesome!

This means that for recording and working together Caylea and I will try to visit each other every once in a while and starting in July, we’ll visit camps for about 2 weeks to get things done. It’ll be a great experience for me to get to know First Nations kids and to learn more about their cultures. Maybe I’ll be able to teach you a few words in Cree or Dene afterwards! 😉 I already picked up the most important word in Cree: tanse. It means something like “what’s up” and they apparently use it all the time.

Caylea and I will also visit several other camps for a day or two each to set up a booth and to tell the people about NCEM and what we do. Also, I’m looking forward to our general staff conference in the end of August with about 200 - 250 members attending.

THANK YOU! - For showing so much interest in what I’m doing in this wide country so far from home. Send me a message if you’d like to know more, to just stay in touch, to share about your personal experiences and journeys in life or to support me in any way: spiritually, mentally, financially, ...

VERY MUCH LOVE! ♥️

[vestedbeauty]

Idyllwild Woods: My Perfect Average Day

New Post has been published on https://vestedbeauty.com/idyllwild-woods-my-perfect-average-day/

Idyllwild Woods: My Perfect Average Day

Last week, I challenged you to do the perfect average day exercise. I promised I’d publish mine, which I’ve named Idyllwild Woods. Last week, that didn’t seem scary at all. Today, not so much scary… more like that feeling when you accept a double-dog dare. Not to get too woo-woo, but there’s a reason I’m sharing my version of living the dream with complete strangers. If it’s a dream I can get behind publicly, that I can proclaim with boldness, it seems all the more inevitable that we will bring it about. (I say ‘we’ because hubby can see it, too, and he’s on-board.) In fact, it’s gotten to the point where I will talk with ANYBODY about it if they show the remotest interest! I’m also drawing up a sort of business plan for it, mapping out the milestones I foresee on the road to this dream becoming reality.

Remember the “rules” of the Perfect Average Day Exercise? Write it as if it’s already reality. Be detailed. Try to capture the reality and feeling of it in the details.

Welcome to Idyllwild Woods

I wake up in the house we built on our land in Tennessee. We bought 18 acres, not far from the kids and called it Idyllwild Woods. After prepping the land, we built one tiny home after another, along with a hobbit house and several old homes we got for hardly anything if we’d just haul them away. We stayed in our favorite whenever we went up for a visit for the first few years. The rents from these rentals funded our personal home on the far end of the property. Now we invite small groups in for seminars, retreats, and camping. There’s a gorgeous fire pit area, an indoor/outdoor kitchen and meeting area, a bunkhouse, and the tiny homes. We’ve also built space for RVs and some tent camping spots. On the grounds, there’s a zip line, a bunch of trails, and of course, the creek which is great for cooling off, fishing, and playing in the little waterfalls.

The view from our home is spectacular – you can see trees for miles. Spook and I designed our home ourselves. We love the windows and because it’s so private, we don’t have curtains. Every morning, we see the trees and leaves shimmying in the breeze as the sun rises. 

Mornings

I still get up at six every morning, rested and excited to start the day the same way I have for decades, thanking God for the new day and praying for my loved ones. Only an alarm on the rare occasion we need to get up earlier than usual. Then I get my robe and go out to the kitchen for a hug. Spook’s already made our tea, and we take it to the porch, where we sit together on a porch swing that rocks. We chat while watching the birds and squirrels do their thing, the dogs are just loose because it’s totally safe for them to wander here. 

After coffee, we shower – in the warm months, the outdoor shower is amazing. When it’s cooler, we really enjoy our walk-in with all those jets and the heated floor in the bathroom. There’s also a gorgeous soaking tub with jets that feels pretty amazing at the end of the day.

Creating and Puttering

After I get dressed, I take the dogs out to the chicken yard and get the hens all settled for the day. Lots of eggs, so plenty for us and for the retreat house kitchen. The dogs follow me as I tend the gardens, picking and pruning and planting away. We’ve got so many tomatoes this year – we’ll have gallons of sauce to put up and enjoy all year. Traipsing around and puttering in the sunshine is good exercise, and I’ve gotten so strong while learning how to do all kinds of homesteader stuff. I love the unhurried pace and getting to be outside in the quiet. 

At about 8:30, I have my usual breakfast of steel cut egg oats over nut butter or fresh fruit. I take all my supplements and make a mason jar of water, then head to my studio office by about 9. While I was puttering this morning, a bolt of inspiration hit, and I already know I’ll be writing from that clarity. The words just flow for a couple of hours, and I’m smiling as I read it. Throughout the hour or so, I have fun, productive calls with colleagues. My life is basically doing cool things with cool people in cool places – and we make everyone involved very, very, very wealthy. We all have teams who do the heavy lifting on our projects. Everyone works so well together because we’re all having a blast and doing what we do best. 

Cool People Doing Cool Things in a Cool Place

One of my morning conversations was with the facilitator of the upcoming weekend’s retreat. I love being able to help more people experience the kind of transformation that various retreats bring. Mostly these folks are business owners who are into personal development. But we also host artists and writers, an annual car show, and family and friends. Sometimes we have fire walking, kanna, ayahuasca, and other woo woo stuff, and it’s really fun. It’s an incredible delight to be able to provide space on our beautiful land for people to come – and for the privilege of witnessing them transform and step into their greatness. So many of these folks come back year after year, and they feel like family. 

We’ve got a wonderful caretaker and team who handle the operations, and it’s also fun to see our volunteer work-campers every year. They take such good care of the place that it’s easy for us to leave anytime we want to take a trip. 

Rhythm and Routine

Friday nights in season, we have cocktails and a cookout with the guests. Live acoustic music, bonfire, catching fireflies, s’mores, and whatever treat I’ve baked. It’s the highlight of the week for our regulars.

Spook and I have lunch on the porch when it’s warm – or in the sunroom during the winter. Then he goes back out to his workshop to putter and I go back out to garden for a while. I cut some flowers for the house and for the retreat center. Then I take a little lie down on the hammock and read for a bit. That sparks more writing ideas, and I jot them down.

A quick check-in with my assistant, and she proudly tells me we’ve had a great revenue day. The team is getting bonuses again!

It’s about six now and Spook and I will meet at the kitchen island for a cocktail. We decide to cook in our outdoor kitchen tonight and eat by our fire pit under the stars. It’s amazing watching the stars kind of flicker in time with our music. We clean up after dinner and get in bed around 8. I read but he’s out cold within minutes. I’m out by about 9:30 and sleep like a rock. 

Living the Dream

I love our land and enjoy hiking all over, taking pictures, tending to the property. It’s good for my body and I’m grateful to be so strong, fit, flexible, and sure-footed. 

Our grandchildren are coming over tomorrow, and we’ll have fun exploring, baking, and telling silly stories. My kids, their partners, and their kids love coming over and we get to see each other almost every week. The babies and I are having fun painting lately, and I’ve set them up with little easels in my studio.

Our life is so satisfying, we are always creating and sharing. Time flies in that flow state. But also, I’m so present that there’s this overwhelming feeling of peace and deep satisfaction that fills me up. I truly enjoy all the creative pursuits in my life. Making – in all forms – is so rewarding. It’s even more fulfilling to see how much of what I create serves others. They read my words and shift. Some see my art and are moved. They attend an event on this land, and are utterly transformed. It feels so good to serve as sort of a conduit of God’s love this way, and I wouldn’t trade one minute for the world.

So, What’s Next?

To be honest, I’m not really sure. To call Idyllwild Woods a dream seems to discount it. But to call it a goal seems off somehow, too. It feels more like an inevitability that’s REALLY fun to enjoy even now in its planning stages.

That’s why I’m going to write up a sort of business plan; seems like that’ll give us an idea of next steps. Obviously, it’s going to take some money to do this. It might sound crazy, but it feels like that part will take care of itself as we go. For now, I feel excited about researching and planning, looking at properties, creating Idyllwild Woods in detail in my mind (and on paper) so we have a blueprint of sorts to follow.

    Note: Idyll – kind of a cool word! There’s an area of Charlotte, NC with that name, and it’s always stuck with me. So… Idyllwild Woods it is!

[stevedonnellyfaith-blog]

The Door of St John Vianny (Post 43) 7-2-14

                        Two Saturdays ago as I spent time with Nick in John Muir Hospital, I realized that it had been nearly three weeks since my last confession.  I try to go every two weeks.  When I delay longer, I become ornery and pick fights with the kids; television or the internet dominate my free time; and my diet and housework discipline descends into chaos.  It always surprises me that very good people can go a year with only one confession. I expect that if I tried to limit myself to an annual confession, I would soon be sporting a tribal tattoo covering half my face and be fired for biting my coworkers.  

Regardless, it is better for all concerned that I frequent the sacrament of confession biweekly if possible. Conveniently, there is a Catholic Church located right across Ygnacio Valley Road from the hospital.  I checked the parish website for St John Vianny and found out that I could make confession at 4 PM.  Nick was doing pretty well so I told him I was going to run across the street for confession and would be back in about an hour.

It seemed surprising to me that I had only trotted across the street once in all the days and weeks I had visited Pam over her eight or so admissions into John Muir during her two-year hit-and-run battle with a glioblastoma.  In most cases I hadn’t needed to make the walk.  The Eucharist was delivered to us unfailingly on a daily basis by some very wonderful parishioners at St John Vianny.  Whenever Pam would have a procedure scheduled we would tell the extraordinary minister of the Eucharist and within an hour or so, Father Luke, a close friend of Father Jerry, like an angle of peace would arrive in Pam’s room to anoint her.  Father Luke has visited Nicholas three times too and almost certainly would have visited us to hear my confession, but I thought it would be good to visit the sanctuary again that I had seen last at the other end of a very dark time tunnel that I entered the night of Pam’s first brain surgery in 2011.

I remember sitting in the hospital waiting room that January afternoon wasting time.  I had brought the Bible and another religious book, maybe the biography of Solanus Casey which Barb, my mother-in-law, had given us.  Understandably, I didn’t feel like reading.  Instead I was playing solitaire on my phone, without really paying attention.  I had only had the phone for about a month and had never won a game.  I was playing out of habit absentmindedly with whatever small portion of my brain was not engaged in worrying.  Would God let Pam survive? What would I do if she died? How would I explain it to the kids?

Then something in my self-conscious rose to my attention.  I noticed that I had just won three consecutive games of Solitaire after losing my previous hundred attempts.  My seldom used math degree told me that it was impossible for me to win three times in a row when I had never previously won.  The impossibility of the outcome jarred my mind back to the reality of the stupidity of playing solitaire through my wife’s brain surgery.  I don’t know whether I imagined the wins or whether God allowed my guardian angel to manipulate the solitaire application on my Blackberry to lift my stupor of self-pity and worry.  I did immediately recognize that I needed to cease and desist with the phone fiddling and morbid day-dreaming.  I felt an overwhelmingly urgent desire to commune with God and the delightful fish tank in the waiting room was not the inspiration surrounding that I needed.

In full flight or fight mode I couldn’t remember whether John Muir Walnut Creek had a chapel (it does), but I knew I had seen a Catholic Church across the street.  Because Pam would not have likely even begun her surgery I knew that Dr. Chen, her surgeon, would not be updating me for hours.  I told a volunteer where I was going and ambled across the street and up the sidewalk to the front doors of St John Vianny.  It was afternoon but on a weekday so I found the front door locked.  The sanctuary looked mostly dark through the glass doors.  Providentially, one of the parish staff heard me rattling the handle and came to investigate.  I explained to her that my wife was having brain surgery and that I was seeking a place to pray.  The desperation of my words startled me, but seemed not to register with her.  Maybe she had been a frequently robbed bank teller in her previous employment. With charity she opened the door for me, told me to ensure I locked the sanctuary when I left and to check with the front office if I planned to make regular visits while my wife was recovering.

I remember thanking her as if we were having a conversation underwater; my attention seemed transfixed on the tabernacle.  I really wish I could somehow duplicate this proper state of mind when I attend weekly or daily Mass, but I think it was a special gift for one occasion only. I remember making my way to the front row of the sanctuary intending to quietly sit in a pew and pray.  Instead I seemed to lurch forward and mostly collapsed in my brokenness before Jesus.  I was filled with His warm comfort.

I don’t know how long I was there. I don’t think I managed a single Hail Mary or Our Father.  I was just filled with Jesus’ presence in a way that reminded me of my baptism at Phillips Andover twenty-five years before.  On this occasion, the feeling of being full of the Holy Spirit was much deeper and lasted for my entire stay.  I surrendered to Him and to His will and He was pleased with my sacrifice.

After a while I was dismissed by Him.  I knew that it was time to return to my vigil in the waiting room awaiting the results of Pam’s craniotomy.  Jesus had provided me with the grace required for me to carry my cross to the second station of my long journey: the recovery room.  I left John Vianny not only grace-filled to deal with my immediate need, but I left convinced of Christ’s real presence in the tabernacle of every Catholic Church.   As a convert, I had previously believed in The Real Presence on an intellectual level, but had never before felt the Presence. From that hour, I spiritually began to ascend the mountain of faith that for years I had considered climbing but without really doing more than tidy up my base camp.

None of those memories occurred to me as I was sitting in Nicholas’ hospital room in the middle of June. I had been wary about returning to the hospital where Pam had spent so many days and nights together with our companions the seizures, the headaches, the nausea, the aphasia, the shingles, the paralysis and the fear, but nothing at John Muir really rattled me emotionally. Absorbed into Nick’s fight against cancer, the familiar halls, rooms and faces didn’t bring the tears I had dreaded. This trip to John Muir seemed to be just another episode of the twenty-five year movie serial saga, “Steve Goes to the Hospital.”

Lulled by my experience on the other side of Ygnacio Valley Road, I strolled up to pull open the doors to St John Vianny and tripped the emotional booby-trap set for me at the door handles.  I had returned to the location of my personal conversion and the tears flowed. Although unanticipated, the pain was good pain.  

I remembered the taste of the consolation with which God had filled me on that night so long ago.  I remembered the walk back across street to my waiting room vigil.  I don’t think I played another game of solitaire that January.   Then I played obsessively for months to see whether I could win three times in a row again and know that heaven had once again intervened in my life. Of course I was never able to win consecutive games again and the phone eventually was replaced – you can never enter Narnia through the same route wardrobe or electronic device.  

On the night of Pam’s surgery, I don’t think I prayed again either.  I just sat in Jesus’ peace and waited, probably with our wedding album on my lap like Tom Hanks at the bus stop in the final scene of Forest Gump. I was confident in God’s plan, come what may, and remained hopeful that Pam would remember that I was her husband if not by name.

[newstfionline]

Jesus Take the Reins

By Lyndsie Bourgon, Hazlitt, March 10, 2017

The first thing you should know about Bryn Thiessen is that he’s the type of person your hip barber is trying to be.

Thiessen wears a wool vest and black felt hat whose brim is wide but still narrower than the waxed, twirled moustache that protrudes at least 12 inches past his cheeks. He has a leather satchel and brown leather boots and a collection of brightly coloured silk scarves, and is usually wearing suspenders. He goes into Calgary once a week, for a chiropractor appointment, but the rest of the time he lives and works on his property, the Helmer Creek Ranch, which is about an hour and a half outside the city amongst the province’s rolling foothills at the base of the Rocky Mountains.

Years ago, Thiessen took me on a ride in the cab of his work truck to check on the pens that he installs to capture wild horses on his pasture. It was a longer ride than I expected and it soon became apparent that Bryn is a talker. Thiessen speaks in a drawl with a slight twang even though Texan inflection is not a native tongue of Alberta--it is both affectation and aspiration. He writes poetry and has a weekly service where he preaches to locals.

His is the Cowboy Trail Church. He is full of catchy phrases and during a sermon in May he recites a poem about a horse named Termite that likes to eat wood and spins it into a parable about stubbornness and the banishing of evil. You know stubbornness, he says, if you’ve owned a Dodge. After addressing part of the story of Sodom and Gomorrah he takes a deep breath and looks at the crowd: “Now, how’s that for wordin’?” he asks.

Thiessen’s cowboy church is one of dozens across the country, according to the Evangelical Fellowship for Canada, where a mixture of Christian faith and rural lifestyle meet. “The church is either a barn or a round corral,” he says. “A barn is where you’re fed and sheltered and someone cleans up after you. A round corral is where you’re exercising and growing. In either case, it’s a long building.” A cowboy church is a “seeker-sensitive” gathering, where the trappings of traditional worship are eschewed in order to entice people through the door. Often, cowboy churches meet on a weekday evening, because weekends are busy for farm families. There is no dress code: “When you go to a church with deep pile carpet, you’re not welcome if you’ve got dung on your boots,” is a common refrain. Services are held in settings from a barn to the side of a lake to a community centre. A handbook to starting your own cowboy church says “church words” are to be avoided, even in praying: “You need to launch your first service stirring up all the dust you can.” There has been an explosion of growth in the cowboy church movement over the past fifteen years. In a Texas Monthly article, one cowboy church pastor said cowboy churches were spreading like a grassfire.

Glenn Smith figured he had been bucked off a horse one too many times for there to be no God.

A former cowboy and rodeo clown, Smith is considered the father of the modern cowboy church movement--he called himself a “cowboy apostle,” which leads nicely into the name of his memoir: Apostle Cowboy Style. On Sunday mornings during rodeo competitions in Texas in the 1970s, Smith would preach from a corral to spectators and competitors. He was known to baptize people in tin troughs.

But cowboy churches were more of a nostalgic callback than new religion: the style of sermon is meant to replicate the oral storytelling that took place at campgrounds during the expansion of the West. The cowboys we had then (freelance prospectors and ranch hands) are not the competitive sport cowboys we have now, but if there’s a group that needs some saving it would probably be both--cowboy life is transient, which makes sinning an easy option. By profession, cowboys are disenfranchised from a regular community because their career takes them from rodeo to rodeo on a weekly basis. Most cowboys are single men with little personal responsibility and so there is little accountability involved in heavy drinking and promiscuous sex.

The largest cowboy church in North America, in Ellis County, Texas, is a “megachurch” that draws close to 1700 people to three weekly sermons to sit on folding chairs in a barn (the state’s Baptist General Convention says that 40,000 people attend cowboy churches weekly). The American Fellowship of Christian Cowboys counts more than 200 member churches in North America and Australia. In Canada, there are churches in Manitoba and Saskatchewan, as well as Alberta. For a while, there was a church operating through Shady Lane Hereford Farms in North Gower, Ontario. “We farm here, but you guys call it ranching,” says Karl Allen, who ran the province’s chapter of the Fellowship of Christian Cowboys through his business, Rugged Cross Stables. At one point, his congregation of one hundred people would put on pancake breakfasts and hay rides. “But in fairness, it’s been a bit of a flop,” he says. “Rodeo in Ontario is really slim.”

In Alberta, one of the first cowboy churches took place during the Calgary Stampede: “It was a real Western atmosphere, guys wore their hats,” says Phil Doan, who started the service in an empty room at Ranchman’s bar (later, he would conduct baptisms in the hotel pool across the street). “We started telling people that Jesus loves everyone, even cowboys… it worked real well in the bar. Anyway, when the frontier opened up, those were the only places they had. That’s one of the ways the west was won.”

What draws a community to these churches is not the talk of cattle branding or the prayers for rain or the request for a healthy calving season. It’s that, as Thiessen says, “People want to find a place where they can live the life they think they remember.” There is very little progressive change acknowledged within the walls of a cowboy church sermon--it may not be overtly religious, but it’s definitely conservative. It’s a place where you can wear the bedazzled western garb you might normally save for weddings. The Cowboy Trail Church’s congregation is smattered with young families (“I call them the ‘younger-than-my-moustache crowd,’” says Thiessen) and new immigrants.

The first time I attended Cowboy Trail, I was an hour early and already late--trucks and horse trailers filled the parking lot of the Cochrane RancheHouse and, inside, just over a hundred people had gathered to worship. All of Alberta’s denim was in this room, with the big bay windows that overlook the coulee the building was nestled in. I was greeted at the door by two cowboy-hatted men in perfect jeans and brown boots, who informed me that “We don’t say hello, we say howdy,” and pointed me in the direction of two men, dressed the same, who could tell me what was going on. “Would you really call it a church? It’s more of a meeting,” said Allan Wiley, a member of the congregation and a former police officer. “I have worn cowboy boots and jeans for decades. I take my hat off for prayer, but only because it gives me a headache.” There were tables set up with photo albums and a boot at the door for donations, though none were solicited. On the stage, an upturned barrel and wooden cross wrapped in burlap surrounded the band (known as Some Assembly Required), a remarkably full ensemble with a lead singer who dresses in blue fringe.

So, here’s the good news: a cowboy church service is really short. It usually starts with a story rooted in agricultural wisdom and leads into your predictable preaching about trusting in the plan of the Lord. There is more singing than talking--at Cowboy Trail they were six songs in before anyone said a word. “Do you like to sing? Man, I love to sing,” whispers the man sitting next to me.

The music is a key player in a cowboy church service--there is a separate red duotang folder at Cowboy Trail that’s full of songs that tie together the land and the lord, as well as a heavy hymnal for traditional songs. There is no modern hymnal here, no effort to attract youth through “rock.” But while the music is old and repentant (“God watches o’er all righteous men/But all the wicked will not stand/Their way will perish from the land/Like chaff in wind,” goes one song called “Put Your Hand in the Hand”), everything else can seem lackadaisical.

There’s a section where part of the Bible is recited, certain words emphasized repeatedly and members of the crowd will nod and mumble in agreement and the importance of fellowship will be agreed upon while squares are laid on a plastic tablecloth. If you don’t want to stay behind, no one will bug you as you leave.

A week after I attend the service, Thiessen receives a prayer request via text message from a local rancher: “Please pray for my strength,” it says. “Otherwise I’ll need strength and bail money.”

Thiessen’s father helped establish a series of Christian summer camps, where Bryn spent most of his time riding horses. “In the evening, you sat and told stories and sang songs. It was just the natural flow.” He conducted his first funeral sermon for a salamander, at the age of five or six at his grandmother’s house. Years later, he met a group called the Christian Cowboys at a rodeo and heard the rhythm of their words--it was a kind of patter of worship, where every story sounded like it might end in a dirty joke, and the descriptions were all examples from everyday life.

It’s one thing to hear about the grace of God and another to experience it after being trampled on by a horse and surviving. The latter happens in competitions, but also during a regular day’s work: a post at the back of Cowboy Trail’s hall has an update on a congregation member who, after a horse riding accident, had found a way to ride with her wheelchair. “We find the culture and meet them where they’re at,” he says.

Of course, each church is different. For instance, the crowd at James River Cowboy Church congregation, that I visit on a Thursday night when they’ve got a bonfire going, is a bit older and a bit smaller. Tom King, their pastor, is a real estate agent and, as he explains to me, the only guy in a wheelchair in the lot. King has MS and came to religion through Thiessen after his wife died years ago. Now he’s remarried and has a weekly gig that has him being introduced as a voice that “puts true-life experiences to the word in the book, in this church under the great blue skies and the slopes of the eastern Rockies.”

King’s sermon style is subdued compared to that of Thiessen’s, who can take on an earthy, fire-and-brimstone force when the mood strikes and who, the week before, took it upon himself to read the Book of Revelations while a wildfire raged in Fort McMurray There is little religion in King’s talk--we are compared, in our darkest and most confusing times, to a gopher panicking while trying to cross the road. King, whose friends and family have prayed for him to walk again, says he is not unfamiliar with the “heaviness of church.” He follows the cowboy church guidelines, so that’s not what he peddles.

“People just miss the hymns, the music is a big part of it,” he says. “We tell them the truth and give them good coffee.”

[dailykhaleej]

Coronavirus: A Dubai doctor’s diary of hope and healing

Dr Angelo Santos seen right here in hospital Picture Credit score: Provided

Dubai: A Filipino physician in Dubai has shared on social media his each day anxiousness and ordeal ready for outcomes of his coronavirus (COVID-19) take a look at. On a regular basis, for the previous 11 days, he has posted updates on Fb from his sickbed in a hospital in Dubai.

Many different residents have undergone the identical ordeal – some have misplaced however many have received, like Filipino expat and Dubai resident Dr Angelo Santos, 43, a scientific advisor at a worldwide medical insurance coverage firm.

Some are exhibiting zero or gentle signs and are present process residence quarantine; others needed to be hospitalised for exhibiting a number of signs, together with excessive fever, nausea, coughing and belly discomfort.

Within the curiosity of sharing a message of hope and healing, Dr Santos has shared with DailyKhaleej his 11-day diary battling the dreaded COVID-19.

Except for being a medical skilled, Dr Santos can be a preferred journey blogger who has been featured in varied native and worldwide publications and web sites. His final journey was between February 21 to March 8.

His fever was solely current on April 10 and he was admitted within the hospital final April 13. As a result of of fever, medical doctors initially thought-about COVID-19 and he was handled with the identical protocol as COVID sufferers.

Dr Santos shared his story on social media Picture Credit score: Provided

Day 1, April 13, Monday, 4.33pm at Dr. Sulaiman Al Habib Hospital – Dubai

The physician is sick! Fever, nausea and belly discomfort since Friday (April 10). No respiratory indicators and signs. First time to expertise loss of urge for food and weak point this morning.

Two weeks in the past, I used to be approving admission and extension request for COVID-19 sufferers, however now I’m a suspect. I by no means thought I’d be on the opposite aspect.

Worst factor is to be alone overseas (theme music – ‘All By Myself’). Hailed a taxi to the hospital proper on the peak of COVID-19 season.

Nonetheless febrile, no different manifestations. They gave me nexium zofran paracetamol levofloxacin IV. I’m a COVID-suspect till take a look at outcome can be out after three days. Please pray for it to be adverse. I don’t wish to add to the statistics.

Extraordinarily grateful to all ER, diagnostic, admitting, nursing and medical employees of Dr Sulaiman Al Habib Hospital. Chest x-ray, CT scan chest, Ultrasound scan complete stomach, pelvis, KUB, blood works, covid-test (nasal swab/nasopharyngeal) all the things coated by our firm’s medical insurance coverage as mandated by the federal government – thanks!

Earlier than, it was my dream to go to Antarctica and Iceland. Now, my solely want is to have a decrease physique temperarute. I’ve spoken to my son. God is sweet!

Day 2, April 14, Tuesday, 12.09pm

I took bathe at 4am and modified to new garments. Gastric upset was managed by IV Nexium and Zofran yesterday, so I used to be capable of eat. No manifestations now apart from fever, nonetheless at 37.8.-39 levels Celsius. Medical doctors loaded me with IV Levofloxacin (CT scan suspicious of Pneumonia) + IV Paracetamol around the clock. Nonetheless praying COVID-19 take a look at to be adverse; can be out in 3-5 days, I used to be advised.

On a lighter word, I had a low-salt lomi (noodles) for breakfast. It was good! Thanks to everybody who despatched messages and extra importantly, to those that included me of their prayers. I’m not a spiritual particular person however let me inform you all that I’m pleased not solely since you prayed for me, however for the truth that there are quite a bit of us who nonetheless imagine in God and the ability of prayers.

Please pray additionally for these preventing for his or her lives affected by this virus; let’s all pray for healing.

10.02pm – I referred to as physician on responsibility and she kindly advised me my lab outcomes : Regular D-dimer (lower than 0.50), respiratory panel adverse, outdated corona take a look at adverse (nonetheless pending for COVID-19 take a look at), CRP (c-reactive protein) solely 12, ESR (erythrocyte sedimentation fee), WBC (white blood cells) regular, liver and kidney perform checks regular.

I additionally requested if my blood was examined for malaria, she stated not but. I’m not a pathologist however personally, I would favor malaria or pneumonia than COVID. It’s so bizarre my fever 39 levels Celsius now unrelieved by IV Paracetamol around the clock. They positioned me on IV levofloxacin once more now, and as per nurse, I nonetheless want to attend for outcome of COVID take a look at and they’ve COVID optimistic sufferers right here whose presentation is barely fever like me.

I stay grateful to all hospital employees who look after all of us who’re helpless however not hopeless and unsure right now. My belief, religion and love for God haven’t modified. Please proceed praying for me, if it’s not an excessive amount of to ask. God bless.

Dr Santos cools his temperature with ice packs Picture Credit score: Provided

Day 3, April 15, Wednesday, 4.46am

I’ve a request. I want to ask assist from my pals who may convey me the next objects that I can use: shirts, shorts or jogging pants, boxers, towel, disposable razor, nail cutter, toothpaste, cleaning soap, and plastic bag.

No guests allowed. Please depart the objects at reception of ER (emergency room), Dr Sulaiman Al Habib Hospital, Dubai Healthcare Metropolis. The nurses or employees will convey them as much as my room quantity 602. Thanks and God bless.

6.41am – Thanks to everybody who’ve responded to my request.

1.06pm – Temp is all the way down to 38.Three levels Celsius

7.54pm – Temp is up, 39.Three levels Celsius; no different indicators and signs; O2 sat (oxygen saturation) regular. Pending COVID-19 outcome. I can’t be grateful sufficient to the individuals whom I havent met but who responded to my request this morning.

10.38pm – Executed with one other IV Levofloxacin + Paracetamol. I used to be advised by nurse she’s going to do one other swab take a look at after midnight later, and the outcome of preliminary swab take a look at (COVID-19 take a look at) accomplished final Monday might be acquired tomorrow.

Dr Santos was arrange with an intravenous drip Picture Credit score: Provided

Day 4, April 16, Thursday, 7.55am

Took bathe at 2am, wakened at 6.11am with worst temp I’ve thus far – 39.9 levels Celsius. Kabayan nurse on responsibility hooked me once more to IV paracetamol + ice packs. My important indicators are okay, even O2 sat is 96-97 however she offered me a “new toy” – an Incentive Spirometer which measures quantity of air impressed and expired by the lungs. Usually, when one inhales by way of its mouthpiece, Three balls ought to go up! Then exhale exterior. And I believe I’m okay – it’s simply my cussed fever!

A second swab take a look at/COVID take a look at was accomplished. I have to have no less than 2-Three adverse swab take a look at outcomes and for my fever to subside for them to discharge me. Outcomes of each checks accomplished on Monday and at the moment nonetheless pending. Please proceed praying for me. Thanks for all of the messages, prayers, love and assist.

Kabayan nurse on responsibility knowledgeable me {that a} fellow Filipino optimistic COVID affected person recovered and was discharged yesterday. She talked about the affected person had worst fever, 40+ with low O2 sat and was supported by oxygen through face masks. She advised me, my presentation being fever solely is best; I proceed praying my two swab checks can be adverse too, and for my fever to subside.

1.02pm – Began on IV fluids after one other dose of IV Paracetamol. Temp 38.6 levels Celsius.
First time to have three bouts of LBM (unfastened bowell motion), watery after breakfast so treating physician requested stool pattern for evaluation.

10.10pm – Temp at 39.Four levels Celsius. They gave me ice packs, sponge tub, IV paracetamol, IV levofloxacin. Detrimental malarial take a look at, stool examination adverse for Chlostridium difficile. Pending two swab COVID take a look at outcomes.

Day 5, April 17, Friday, 3.42am

Detrimental swab COVID take a look at accomplished final Monday upon admission. Nonetheless pending second swab COVID take a look at outcome. Thanks a lot, God! Thanks to everybody who’re praying for me and to these good Samaritans who prolonged assist unconditionally.

Temp is 39.5 levels Celsius, IVF, IV paracetamol, IV levofloxacin. I coughed thrice, first time final evening and physician gave me Dextromethorphan. Cough was relieved. No extra coughing solely fever.

1.24pm – Temp all the way down to 37.Eight levels Celsius however I had three bouts of LBM once more this morning so stool was despatched for evaluation once more. I used to be advised Widal take a look at (for typhoid and enteric fever) can be accomplished tomorrow.

3.34pm – My youngest brother in Abu Dhabi despatched some consolation meals. I favored the pineapple juice as a result of my style buds are bland now.

4:35pm – IV line leaked; nurse needed to reinsert. She returned with IV paracetamol. Temp went up once more 38.Eight levels Celsius, plus had 5 occasions LBM watery at the moment; stool was submitted once more for lab take a look at. Widal can be accomplished tomorrow. I requested for blood tradition however they are going to refer it first to treating physician.

Meals turned Dr Santos’ solely supply of pleasure regardless of the actual fact his style buds weren’t working Picture Credit score: Provided

Day 6, April 18, Saturday, 6.33am

Third nasal swab COVID take a look at was accomplished. First swab was adverse for COVID-19. Pending second and third lab outcomes inside 3-5 days. Blood extraction for Widal take a look at accomplished. Temp went all the way down to 37.6’C after I sweat quite a bit nearly whole evening with IV paracetamol IV levofloxacin. No LBM at the moment.

8.48am – Temp at 37.7’C. Grateful to all hospital employees, significantly the kabayan nurses, who’ve been actually caring and doing their job past excellent. Grateful to God and to everybody who reached out to assist significantly to my former college students, and most particularly to these donors whom I haven’t met but. It’s heartwarming to know that quite a bit of individuals will exit of their method to assist somebody in want.

Day 7, April 19, Sunday, 7.02am

Feeling higher – thanks, God! Temp at 37 levels Celsius; Two tabs Reconil + IV Nexium given and RBS (random blood sugar) 157. Final evening, they gave me new oral meds : Single dose Reconil (Hydroxychloroquine) + Gupisone 20mg x2 (Prednisolone) + injected blood thinner (anticoagulant) straight on my tummy.

At this time at 3:39am, ECG (electrocardiogram) was accomplished (maybe to examine impact of Reconil) + blood extraction for CBC (full blood depend) + CRP (c-reactive protein) was accomplished by nurses.

Yesterday, third swab covid take a look at was accomplished (pending outcomes for 2nd & third, adverse on first COVID nasal swab), blood tradition was accomplished, Widal take a look at was accomplished, sputum and stool cultures have been accomplished as properly.

Hospital nurses are very environment friendly, patient-friendly, skilled, highly-skilled; I’m so proud of them and will stay grateful for so long as I dwell.

5.46pm – My finest temp but 36.Eight levels Celsius. They gave me Gupisone (Prednisolone), Reconil (Hydroxychloroquine), per orem, Clexane (Enoxaparin) injection on my tummy.

No extra IV paracetamol and IV levofloxacin at the moment. Nonetheless pending outcome of cultures Widal, second and third COVID swab take a look at.

Meals – kitchen employees calls me evening earlier than for my desire for breakfast, at the moment I opted for Filipino breakfast and they delivered low salt hen soup, and tea with milk. For lunch, fish fillet with mashed potato; tomato soup with beans was very nice. For dinner, I had grilled hen, lentil soup, and tomato rice.

I hope all sufferers have entry to meals and medical therapy like these as a result of all of us deserve higher well being if solely our authorities again residence (Philippines) may present obligatory medical insurance coverage to all workers/tax payers. That is my hope and want for the Philippines.

Dr Santos saved in fixed contact together with his followers by way of social media Picture Credit score: Provided

Day 8, April 20, Monday, 8.44am

Lack of sleep however full of hope and gratitude. No extra fever, temp at 36.5. ECG accomplished; CBC + CRP accomplished at 5AM.
Nonetheless on oral meds Reconil, Gupisone; plus they gave me my upkeep on DM, HTN (hypertension).

8.58am – Obtained new shirts from my good pal, Ron.

2.51pm – Clexane SC given. Physician stated that the majority COVID sufferers develop microthrombosis in lungs; so to stop that to me, they’re giving me Clexane subcutaneously.

4pm – Obtained an SMS that my COVID-19 take a look at outcome was adverse. I’ll confirm at nurses’ station if was the second swab take a look at.

Day 9, April 21, Tuesday, 8.29am

No discharge order but.
ECG accomplished at 4.30am. Hydroxychloroquine (Reconil) 200mg/tab BID given plus my upkeep for DM+HTN.

1.21pm – Nurse confirmed that advisor has no discharge order but and blood extractions tomorrow can be accomplished for liver and kidney perform checks.

3.59pm – Clexane subcutaneously given. Gupisone 2 tabs oral given. Blood sugar examined.

Dr Santos often blogs on journey and produces espresso desk books of his journeys Picture Credit score: Provided

Day 10, April 22, Wednesday, 4.48am

ECG accomplished and blood extraction for Liver Perform Check and Renal Perform Check. I hope outcomes can be regular and I want the advisor would discharge me at the moment or very quickly.

Final evening, they gave me Reconil, Gupisone, and Clexane SC (FYI, they are saying most COVID sufferers develop microthrombosis in lungs, therefore they’re giving me Clexane as preventive – regardless of two adverse COVID swab take a look at outcomes already).

8:24am – Self love. Ordered on-line meals that would lasts me from brunch till dinner!. Hallelujah! I used to be admitted with fever, nausea and loss of urge for food, now I’m celebrating – Thanks be to God!

9.34am – Physician stated they solely acquired on adverse COVID swab take a look at outcome but. She stated, as quickly as they acquired the second COVID swab take a look at as adverse as properly, then and solely then, they are going to discharge me. The factors for discharge are no less than 2-Three adverse COVID swab take a look at plus no extra indicators and signs.

In different information, even when I’m nonetheless within the hospital, individuals appreciated my Dubai photographs. At this time, two of my outdated pictures have been featured on IG of @picsdubai and @amazingdubai_ . Thanks a lot.

Dr Santos’ mattress after his 11-day ordeal is thru Picture Credit score: Provided

Day 11, April 23, Thursday, 5.35am

ECG accomplished at 2.24am, they’re monitoring each day as they’re treating me with Reconil. IV dose of Nexium given at 5:10AM. I don’t have any indicators and signs now. Fever subsided final Sunday. Temp now could be 37 levels Celsius pre-shower.

I prayed the second COVID swab take a look at outcome can be out at the moment or quickly and can be adverse too like the primary one. Standards for discharge are no less than 2-Three COVID swab adverse outcomes + asymptomatic + cleared labs.

6.21pm – Excellent news! COVID checks – all three – adverse. I’m now formally discharged!

Thanks, God Almighty!
Thanks to my dad and mom and brothers!
Thanks to everybody who prayed for me, those that despatched assist, those that expressed phrases of encouragement and hope and love!

I’m on my method residence. Please proceed praying for healing for these battling with Coronavirus and for the brave frontliners. Thanks a lot!

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[htstalybridge]

Thought for the day: 24th April

Good morning church,

Today’s post comes from Paula Chester. Enjoy

I’ve been asked by Gary to write a thought for the day to help with our mental health and well-being while we are in this period of confinement.  I believe that God created us to be social beings (in Genesis 2: 18, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone”) and gave us a beautiful world to explore and enjoy; we gain so much from meeting with others, be it at work, meeting up with friends and family or going to church.   So how do we maintain good mental health and well-being when we cannot do these things and be as God intended?

In the current situation with the spread of the pandemic and the requirement to stay at home, it is easy to feel a heightened sense of anxiety, deeper feelings of depression and frustration at not being able to do the things we want to do (especially as the weather is so good at the moment), so read through my top ten tips on good mental health and well-being (5 today and 5 tomorrow): 

1) * God - possibly goes without saying but stay close to the Lord and look to Him.  God tells us He is our Protector, Refuge and Shelter – Psalms 91 & 121, and we are to trust in Him – Psalm 112; Psalm 94:19 – ‘When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul’ (NIV). Go to God’s Word, pray often, watch Holy Trinity’s services on-line and remember God is greater than Covid-19.  Nicky Gumbel has done a great sermon on Faith over fear: www.htb.org

2) * Bad news - Limit the amount of time you spend on the news (watching, listening or reading), especially the grim statistics that are shown every day or the “doomsday” predictions that are being made.  Balance this out with looking for good news or heart-warming stories.  Some have been put onto Holy Trinity’s facebook page. Search on-line to read about how communities are coming together, who does not love what Captain Tom has accomplished!

Focus on the blessings you have today and thank our Lord for them however small: e.g. thank you that I woke up in my bed in my house; thank you for the sunshine, thank you that I know you Lord, etc.

3) * Exercise - Take advantage of our daily exercise allowance (if you can).  With the weather being so good, it provides encouragement to go outdoors for a walk, run (for the more energetic) or cycle.  It has been researched that regular walking raises your heart-rate and is beneficial for your physical health, but walking in nature (countryside), seeing good views, greenery and hearing the birds sing, is beneficial for your mental health and well-being.  In Stalybridge we are blessed to be near to the countryside – Hobson & Shaw moors, nature reserve in Cheetham Park and reservoirs. For those of you who are further away, have a look on: www.tameside.gov.uk – Libraries and Leisure – countryside – walks and trails. There is the Transpennine Trail which runs through Tameside, Tame Valley Way runs through Denton, Hyde, Mottram, Daisy Nook country park, Stalybridge country park, Werneth Low, the canals running through Mossley, Stalybridge, Ashton, Audenshaw, Droylsden, and Hyde, Hurst Cross, and the local parks.

If you cannot go outside, there are plenty of live-stream workout classes, (Mr Motivator) and gentler classes for the older adults – go to Age UK or try www.activetameside.com/live-active/. Furthermore Wayne Williams at church does some great online sessions through Facebook. Exercise is well known to help improve mental health and well-being.

4) * Relaxation techniques – this can be ones like muscle relaxation – “The Mitchell Method of Physiological Relaxation” as an example, controlled breathing, or a relaxation CD (look for all the above online).  You can also try Mindfulness - visit www.nhs.uk for more information.  Another method is to write down your thoughts onto paper (for your eyes only), and for anxious/fearful thoughts, write these down then rip them up as a sign of getting rid of these anxieties or lay them at the foot of the cross and leave them there.

Another strategy to try is to list the things you cannot control, e.g. if others follow the rules of social distancing, how long the stay at home/social distancing will last, what food is available on the supermarket shelves etc and let go of these things.  Next list what you can control, e.g. follow social distancing guidelines, limiting the amount of news I look at, my hand hygiene etc and focus on these.

5) People - Keep in contact with others. We can’t be together physically but the next best thing is via video link – Facetime, Skype, WhatsApp and Zoom seem to be the most popular at the moment.  There are virtual coffee mornings being set up at church, or why not start your your own?  You Tube online church services, prayer meetings every day at 9am.  If you are struggling with the technology, contact the church - info@hts.church to help you get connected.

Our Father in Heaven makes a point of telling His people to look after the “fatherless and widow” Exodus 22:22; Deut. 14:28-29; indeed looking after the orphan and widow is half of what God will accept as a pure and faultless religion (James 1:27).  The ‘fatherless and widow’ I think can be referred to as the vulnerable in society and in the current climate, this can include those who are isolated and lonely.  The church family can be a big help here and Dave Monday is always looking for people to join the pastoral team to contact those who may be experiencing a more intense isolation due to Covid-19.  Please contact the church office if you’re available to do this (info@hts.church) and therefore help the well-being of others. Equally, you may wish to have someone to phone you.

Part two coming tomorrow,

Paula

[dotabernathy]

An online discussion that has some good information.

The follow is a conversation I had with someone whose mind will never be changed, not by logic, not by reason and no it her God himself appeared to her and argued the pro-choice side. Still, most of the facts were mind, are backed up by fact and statistics and I'm pretty proud of it. I suggest you read and use these facts if, like me, you occasionally have to engage the other side. February 21, 2017 Abortion The question was what is my opinion on abortion today. It was posted by a page that used to promote discussion on differing religions. On January 01, 2017 the name changed to "Is Jesus the Reason?". Below are my thoughts, a comment on my thought and my extremely long reply to that comment. Dorothy Abernathy The women of Flint MI are NOT lining up for abortions even though the American government responsible for poisoning their babies has offered absolutely no support for the children born with lead caused birth defects. Maybe, just maybe, if all women were sure they'd be able to care for, feed, shelter, provide medical care and medication and educate their children, those who struggle with the decision might decide to carry their child to term. No, those you believe choose abortion because it's easy will never make the choice you want, whether or not it's legal. But those who are struggling to support the child or children they already have and worry every month that their own skipping meals won't stretch the food far enough or that that keeping the heat at 60 and putting double sweatshirts, sweatpants and double socks on the kids won't have the oil last until the next delivery maybe those women would welcome a child if they knew they could provide for it. And the women living in their cars with a child or more, they don't decide to abort because they don't love children. The moment the anti-abortion movement become the pro-child movement they will have my full support. As long as a majority ignore the women struggling every day to raise their children while being blamed for being poor and/or uneducated, I'll direct my support to those children who don't know if or when their next meal is coming from. Valdis Vogt This does not make murder ok. You say the children need to be cared for but then if they can not be cared for they should be murdered? Think about it like this: use every argument for abortion on that of a child outside of the womb and you will see how corrupt this sounds. A child can be given up for adoption as well. Murdering your own child is not love and never will be. Dorothy Abernathy 101,840. That is a very large number. It's also the number of children available for adoption in 2013, the most recent year a report is available, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. You might think that anyone mentally, physically and financially prepared would be able to adopt a child. Yet according to the publication "LifeNews" there are 36 couples waiting for every baby adopted. It seems like those two facts couldn't co-exists but the reason it took me over 3 hours to reply was because I wanted to make sure both facts were correct. Plus, I must admit I was worried "LifeNews" anti-abortion viewpoint might skew the fact, but it's true. There are 36 traditional married couples for every baby adopted. I'm fairly certain the problem results from the fact that so many of the children in the governments statistics aren't newborn, aren't Caucasian and might be slightly less than physically or mentally perfect, depending on a person's definition of perfect. For those of us who share our lives with such children, and through the eyes of the God I worship everyone of the 101,840 are absolutely perfection, but that's just me. I understand the desire to cradle an infant in your arms, to rock him to sleep, to count those little fingers and toes, however many he may have been blessed with, I even understand wanting to change the dirty diaper because you know that you'll take the moment to warm the cold baby wipe in your hand to avoid giving your most precious darling a jolt with the contact of the cold wipe. I understand exactly why these couples want a baby. But if I had to miss the first 6 months, first year, first 5 years, I would because until you bring your child home you can't start. Start tickling, start fixing eggs just as she likes, brushing her hair and playing baby dolls, reading a bedtime story and come running when she cries out at night to chase away the monsters then staying beside her to keep the monsters away even though you'll have a stiff neck the next day. Children are a precious gift that should be treasured. So, why are so many without parents while so many want children? Just because the child must be an infant? Really? Interestingly, a young, pregnant, white woman can hire a lawyer who specializes in adoption and can manage to legally auction off her fetus to the highest bidder. I don't claim you or any anti-abortion believer condone such hideous behavior and I'm aware that there are good people taken advantage of by scam artist everyday. I also don't think you or any other anti-abortionist has the right to decide what decision I make if I find myself pregnant and unable to be the mother to my child. But I can understand why a young woman, and by young I mean young enough to get pregnant, would choose not to leave her child at the mercy of the State. This country is the best but when the subject is caring for orphan children, well the bar is set incredibly low. Since not every child has would-be parents lined up to adopt it and a fetus with a possible defect discovered during pregnancy can be left without options, touting adoption as the solution is a false option. Until the number of 101,840 is reduced to hundreds instead of hundreds of thousands, statistics say that only white, healthy infants have people lining up to adopt them. Now, perhaps I've buried the lead. I would love to see abortion become more rare than finding two rare wheat pennies in your Stop & Shop change. But that will never happen while we scream at each other from across our protest lines. Murder is wrong and watching a child die from a disease because she's has no health insurance due to a "pre-existing condition" is murder. Letting a child die of carbon monoxide poisoning because her family is living in a car is murder. I think it would be great to save the "unborn" and you might have a better shot if you educated our young people about how they get pregnant and if birth control weren't such a taboo subject. The demonized Planned Parenthood has stopped more abortions than any other organization in the World. But they treat sex like a fact of life and realize "just say no" has never worked. I've spent a great deal of time considering this subject and I wish I could be on your side but as long as the born are dying from neglect, I don't have the time or inclination to add to that list. You state that "murdering your own child is not love and never will be." I disagree. I think there are quick painful ways to die and long,, ugly, horrifically painful ways to die. I would pray that no one ever have to choose but until that day, I choose quick. Now I understand, that if you have your way, abortions would be illegal, and you and those who agree with you may just get your way, but they won't stop. Abortion has existed for as long as pregnancy. There have always been reasons women were desperate to avoid having a child. Now, with the availability of birth control and scientific sex education, fewer women find themselves with unwanted pregnancy, but until science develops a reversible but foolproof way to avoid getting pregnant there will be abortion, legal or not. Rich women will do what they did before Roe vs Wade, they'll either have a D&C preformed by their regular GYN or take a short vacation to some other country where abortion is legal. Poor women? Well reversing Roe vs Wade will see them doing the same thing they did before too. Dying. In which case, they are both lost. Maybe someday we will all put aside our absolute surety, and work together to save as many lives as possible without judgement. Or maybe we will all remain so sure we're right that we will never even try to see the other side and nothing will ever change, no matter what the law says. If you've read my entire rambling thoughts on this important subject, I thank you. I believe you are fighting for what you believe is right. As am I. So, from the other side, I wish you a New Year filled with health, happiness and peace. I think the following is an extremely interesting point of view. Is it truth? Those who might know cannot talk....and by the time they're able the memories will have faded away. Andre Linnell I dont expect modern christians or any of their teachers teachers to know or even pretend to know; Logically if any spirit exists within another; that is possession and that is against Gods law. So the spirit of the person birthing down one dimension must therefore enter the body on the first intake of breath after birth not on conception or magically during the growth.

[theghostwritersstory-blog]

SPIRITUALITY VS. RELIGION (part 1)

DISCLAIMER:

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to put DOWN any specific religion or faith. I don’t expect to change anyone’s religion or perspective overnight, if at all. I like to meet people where they are, and I believe that anything that personally brings you peace and faith, is good for YOU. However, I’m often asked why I no longer consider myself to be a Christian, though I do believe in God and Jesus, (just not in the same way that I once did before). And usually, when I first explain this to people that are still grounded in their religious Faith, I’m met with a response of shock, or confusion. So, I’d like to share how, and a little bit of “why” my perspective on religion as a whole has changed throughout the course of many years.

HYPOCRICY

Now, I think I’d be lying to say that I’ve never ONCE been hypocritical in life. I think this is regular human behavior, seeing as though we can ALL be fickle, and change perspectives and thoughts often. However, when I grew up in the church, I saw this more than usual. I grew up going to an all black Christian church, filled with upper middle-class Blacks, some could even say many of them were the “snobby” type. (Just painting a picture on what my church was like.) I went to Sunday school, and sang, “Jesus Loves Me”, the whole shebang. Yes, I grew up completely devoted in my faith, like most Christians. 

But, ironically, some of these Christians were some of the meanest and judgmental people I have ever met. The people who went to church daily, were usually the meanest. And even as a small child I would always wonder why this was. Guilt? Shame? Covering up their “sins”? They would be so mean and cruel to others, then walk right in the church and go praise the Lord. 

In my eyes, this was equivalent to the “mean girls” in high school or college making “Women Empowerment”, posters, after a full day of spreading lies, and ganging up on the women that didn't “fit in”. 

Or, the high school basketball player that Is praised for being the star athlete, even after a string of sexual assault allegations, that many turn their heads to, because well, he’s just “too good” at what he does. We’ve all witnessed hypocrisy, but the question is, “How far does it go?” My answer? VERY far. 

RELIGION

Notice, when the Fourth of July comes around, many people of color like to jump on the bandwagon of, “This is not our holiday, it didn’t benefit us in any way.” But turn around and tell those same people of color that Christianity is not truly our religion, and you will most likely be met with contempt or dismay. At this point, you may even have several devout Christians telling you how you must repent to be “saved”, and how you MUST be a devil worshipper, or lack the force of God within your life. Personally, I don’t think it’s healthy to believe in anything, that will make you not even WANT to acknowledge another point of view. At that point, I feel like you can’t be as rooted in your faith as you think, if listening to a different opinion triggers you to that extent. I can listen to other points of views all day, but it won’t have me questioning my own, though I am open. I actually find this mentality to “not listen”, to be very brainwashing and limiting.

MEETING PEOPLE WHERE THEY ARE

If someone tells me, “God will bring me what I want.”

“Jesus is so good to me.”

(Though I don’t see God and Jesus as being one and the same.)

I can agree, I’m not going to sit and debate them on every little thing, though I don’t necessarily feel that God “brings you things” either, I will meet that person where they are, and agree. I just accept that I have my own understanding of what that means. I can even go to Christian church, and still feel motivation, because I take what I need from it. Even though I see it slightly differently, I don’t seek to make things that difficult. I can understand where they are, and what they mean. 

I love to learn and study different religions, from Christianity to Buddhism. One thing I find most interesting is how SIMILAR, most religions actually are. See, even though I’m not a Christian, I can still appreciate Christian pastors, I can even read general Bible passages and quotes, that give me inspiration, and it’s not because I’m being “fake”, but I know how to take what I need from things.

For instance, Bible versus, and evangelists that preach general messages like: 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud…”

I can accept this, because I see truth in this statement. But when it comes to certain theology that is taught in Christianity, like Mary being a virgin, or Jesus being God’s “only son”, this I cannot relate to. I think these certain theologies keep people very stagnant (in my opinion), as these are not statements that truly make sense.

I don’t believe that Mary was a virgin, I believe that she had a baby the same way any other woman does, by being impregnated, by a man. I don’t believe in Eve biting the apple, etc. etc. I also don’t believe that Jesus was God’s “only son”, nor do I believe that he was GOD. I believe that the history of “Jesus”, (that was not even truly his name), has been extremely white-washed and manipulated, in most history books that we read today. And I believe that the man we know today as Jesus, was someone that came to this earth, and used all the faculties of God, to his best ability, just as we all can. And that religion teaches you that you can’t, or don’t have the ability to use the full potential of God, just as Jesus did. And this leads to one thing for many people: stagnation.

JESUS WAS BLACK?

Sometimes, I ask Black Christians, “Do you see no issues in worshipping a “White Jesus?”

Many times, they see no problem with this. Most will tell me that they don’t care, just as long as the story of Jesus lives on. And I find this to be more than a little problematic. Now, I’m not saying that Christianity or The Bible is a lie, (I like to make this very clear). 

However, the man we know today as Jesus, was actually based on a man from Ethiopian theology (He was Black). And it wasn’t until the religion was white-washed, changed, and brought to us by Europeans, that Jesus was represented as being white. Not only was Jesus pictured as a white man, but certain ways of thinking were also added into the Bible to create submission, and a sense of “humility” for black slaves at the time. So that they would learn not to fight back, and stay meek and “humble”.

This is part of the reason that it irks me in modern days times, when black people CONSTANTLY speak on how humble we should all be. It sends chills up my spine. And if you think about it, almost all of the original African theologies teach blacks that they were gods and goddesses. But this history has been erased from people of color. And knowing this history, in many ways, makes it hard to not find certain parts of Christianity to be very problematic.

CONCEPTS THAT KEEP YOU STAGNANT

Jesus died for our sins: I feel like many Christians use this as a crutch. If I’m being completely honest, some of the most mean-spirited people I know are the “holier than thou”, type Christians. I’m talking about the ones that feel the need to post Bile versus all day every day, and for a while I didn’t know why, but then it started to make sense. See, this very statement will cause many to think that because a man supposedly died for you, that all your sins are forgiven. 

AGAIN, I can’t tell people not to believe in this, however, common spirituality teaches you that what you do comes back to you. If you’d like to feel forgiven by your deity, that’s great. But it fails to teach you that each and every one of your actions has a consequence, and that what you do, will eventually come back to you. These are Universal laws.

PRAYING TO A WHITE JESUS 

Many people will tell you, “Oh, it doesn’t matter what race Jesus is, as long as we can learn the message he was trying to send. This is not true. If that was the case you WOULD see pictures of a black Jesus, in white churches, often. You’d see Jesus pictured in almost every nationality in America, but do you? Let’s be real. 

This is a subliminally brainwashing tactic, that most “don’t care about”, but it affects you more than you can realize. 

WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THE HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS WERE BLACK?

YOU’D HAVE SEVERAL PEOPLE RIOTING THE STREETS, IF THIS WERE EVEN THOUGHT TO BE A CONCEPT.

Think about it, would it be okay for The Holocaust survivors to be pictured as black, in movies, and popular TV shows? Would Jewish people be ok with representing Anne Frank, as a black woman? And do you mean to tell me that this wouldn’t be detrimental as hell to the Jewish community? It’s funny, you always have to bring up The Holocaust, for certain people to truly put this into perspective, even when it comes to slavery. Most people are now coming to terms with the fact that representing Egyptians as white, in movies, is extremely volatile and wrong. But mention that Jesus should be pictured as black, and not white, and you’re met with contempt. I don’t understand it.

When I was a Christian, and grew up going to church, I always felt somewhat excluded, especially if I decided to question ANYTHING. In my heart, this didn’t feel right. Especially growing up in an environment where many around me would preach “love and understanding”. These were the same people that screamed to the top of their lungs that they, “loved the Lord,” except… I felt no love.

I noticed that most Christians were taught to shun, and REJECT, REJECT, REJECT — anything that didn’t fit the Christian narrative. This was a theme that followed me throughout my life, not necessarily just in church, but it started here, for me. And most people grew up being religious, just as I was, could it be a coincidence? Personally, I felt very little love in the church, mostly judgement. 

“GOD TOLD ME, HE WHISPERED TO ME”

“God told me to patient, He whispered in my ear and told me,” the church would say.

But I couldn’t hear Him, I never heard Him. As a child, I would always wonder if my ears were broken. Was God speaking to everyone but me? And then, one day I realized, God was very real, but He wasn’t outside of me. I couldn’t find Him in the sky, or in any MAN. 

God is not man, and in my opinion, saying this is almost insulting. Then one day I realized, God was very real, but he was not outside of ME.

I started to truly believe this, and watched my world change, my power grow, and my reality shift. I couldn’t believe what was happening. It was in this very moment that I started to FEEL, HEAR, and SEE God all around me…

I wasn’t crazy, I was just looking for God in all the wrong places— when he was WITHIN me, all along.

I felt the most disconnected from God than I had probably ever felt when I was Christian. Because this religion taught me to pray outwardly, and look to a God outside of myself. Up in the sky. To plead, and beg to a man that I saw frequently in books….. and in churches, a white man at that. And so many of us wonder why in some ways we are conditioned to think that white is better (even if it is subconsciously).

COMFORTABLE ILLUSIONS

I think letting go of the illusion that God is a separate entity than yourself is hard for most, because it involves taking a little more accountability for your life.

Everything around you, or that is going on in your life, YOU are creating, because you are that powerful. To think you are simply a mere mortal, walking this earth with no say so in your life, can be comforting to some. And it’s hard to admit, that everything in your life, you are somehow creating, because again, accountability! 

 “WHITE IS BETTER”

The way some of us straighten our hair, wear weave, or do our makeup, shows that brainwashing is still alive and well. If you think the pictures of White Jesus all around you, have nothing to do with this, I can’t help you.

Even the music that we listen to, that sadly puts our own race down. (Most top execs are white Jews, they push this music to our communities, and we are fine with it.)

The way we worship money and diamonds, and only see wealth as success? People of color have been SIMULATED to adopt capitalistic mentality, that was never ours to begin with, which is why we as a people have always struggled to “keep up”. 

 ACCOUNTABILITY

Will I stop listening to the music and stop straightening my hair? Probably not any time soon. And this shows you just how powerful the conditioning truly is, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to know the truth, about why everything happens. 

Knowledge is the best tool, whether you always use the tool, or not, you can always be aware of where things stem from. I think it’s easy to point the finger in this society of who isn’t “really doing good”, or not “practicing what they preach”, and I try really hard not to be that person. Because I realize we are all flawed. And still brainwashed by the matrix. 

I grew up going to Sunday school, believing that Jesus and God were one in the same, etc. And it honestly took me a lot of unlearning, for me to even start to see MY truth. We are all at different places in life, so whatever you believe is YOUR truth, and I nor anyone else can take that away from you. But I will say, life takes a turn when you set out to look for THE truth, and never look back.