#this is parent behaviour (loving)

[yupekosi]

ohhhhhh Sandra-Lynn Faeth my beloved. she's everything. she's a high school dropout. she's a messy bitch. she's a MILF. she's divorced. she's in a polyamorous situationship. she shagged an archdevil. she went from a single mother of one to the semi-legal guardian of a 9 teenagers, one adult, 15 cats and a gryphon. she's had multiple affairs. she lives in a haunted house. she tells Fig not to smoke and immediately takes a drag off her cloves. her taste in partners is absolutely inscrutable. she's even bisexual. truly who is doing it like her

[furiousgoldfish]

If you've found yourself in that childhood hell with a narcissistic parent, where every year you gain you get treated worse, and the older you get, the more unworthy and unlovable you are, this is why it's going on.

Narcissists are unwilling to be parents, but they're ready to take advantage of every possible benefit they think parenthood has. The perceived benefit is how the world sees them, someone feeling sympathetic or engaged with them, getting popularity based on your kid's talents, abilities and successes, people having compassion for their 'parenthood struggles', and of course, the idea of unconditional love. For them, not for the kid. They also then go on and take extra stuff, like having their personal emotional caretaker, or a target for all of their anger, someone to feel superior to, someone they can violate, insult, touch, beat, and blend with, without any kind of consequences from the outside world. There's very few scenarios that would allow them such power over another person, and parenthood happens to be one of them.

So, why do they prefer small toddlers rather than grown-up children? Because toddlers gain them attention. They can go with a toddler in public, and have people gush and admire the cuteness. They can sometimes teach toddlers to do little dances or sing for the audience. They can do pretty much anything to small children, and children won't complain or understand what is going on. They can neglect their toddlers and nobody will know. They can punish small children for crying. They can convince small children that they exist only for to make the narcissist's life easier.

Once children start developing boundaries, start saying no, and no longer gather the attention of the crowd, that is where narcissists are no longer getting as many benefits from parenthood and start emotionally abandoning the child, and shaming the child for 'growing up' and 'not being as easy to control and manipulate'. And this is not how normally things work, you don't stop loving your kid when they're growing up, you don't value them according to how much attention you can get using them. Sometimes, if a kid has a special talent and is able to get them attention via child contests or tournaments, this kid will not be obviously immediately abandoned. But it will be clear to this child that the 'love' is completely dependent on how well they do and how far they succeed. The second they stop, they know that the parental love will be withdrawn and they'll be rendered a failure.

Narcissists will ask you to go not just out of your comfort zone in order to give them what they want, they will ask the downright impossible, and when you inevitably can't give it to them, you will be discarded, and possibly punished. You will degraded from 'special' and 'important because you can do this one thing for your parent', to nothing but a target for rage, forced to feel like you deserve it because you couldn't do what no child can - make a narcissist act like a normal parent. They convince children that they would be loving and thoughtful parents, if only the child was not so x, and y, and z, and the list is endless. Endless excuses not to love their child, because withdrawing that love will make the child absolutely desperate in their attempt to please the parent, and be good enough to deserve love.

This is not what would normally happen to a child. We're meant to be celebrated for growth. Our progress into adulthood should be about us, about what we can do now, how much new experiences and excitement it brings to have a bigger body, how much more capable and safer we are, what new skills we can develop, new games we can play, better connections and understanding with others we can now achieve. It's not supposed to be about whether we are of a benefit to someone, our growth is about us becoming a happy adult! Appropriating this entire process and reducing it to 'grovel endless to deserve love, and feel guilty for growing because you're of less use now' is absolute torture to a child, who doesn't understand that it's not meant to be this way, that they were never supposed to be a tool to use.

As we mature with the narcissist continually building this narrative of us not being good enough to deserve love, we end up having no other narrative, and believe that we're fundamentally, intrinsically lacking in something, and this makes us unlovable. It has nothing to do with the truth, and everything to do with a continuous lie that someone made up about us when we were still small, that we exist as a tool and a resource, and every hint of free will and desire and personal goals and boundaries is us failing to live up to that use. We were never meant to be exist for them, there was no achievable goal, us even trying to 'deserve their love' was nothing but a waste of our time and energy. We're not unlovable. We just don't a parent. We had someone leeching off of us, taking instead of giving, convincing us we don't deserve attention, care or resources, unlike them, who deserve to take it all.

For any normal parent, everything about you would have been good enough, you would have been a source of joy and celebration without ever even trying to deserve it. Nobody has to deserve parental love, it's either given by default, or there is nobody willing to be a parent to you. Being unwilling to parent you, they have no right to expect anything from you. You did not break the parent-child bond, because there never was such a thing in the first place, they betrayed you from the start.

[daily-hanamura]

[roboneco]

Something I noticed is that Johan doesn't like to owe anyone anything. And doesn't like to ask anyone of anything. After running away from home. We only see him begging twice. For Gun and Charles. Both times for his mom's sake.

The only time he asked for something for himself was from Samuel to let him stay. And even then he doesn't linger. Not like how he did with gun by a mile. It seems to me like Johan hates the idea of someone holding power over him. I wonder why that is....

Anyway remember how one of his integral memories of his mom (one that was important enough for him to remember during the fall of god dog) was his mom repeatedly bowing and apologising to his teachers after he got into a fight.....yeah.....

[books-and-dragons]

I'm so sorry, I'm kinda drunk and dropping another idea, do with it whatever ye will.

Yknow how in the beginning of the game, Sojiro tells Ren he won't take care of him when he gets sick?

Consider: he's not used to city germs/being that closely shoved against other people on the train. He DOES start to get sick around Kamoshida's Palace, powers through it, and then is SUPER sick just after it's over.

He plans on sucking it up and hiding it, but Futaba hears his hacking coughs over her bug even when he's upstairs, followed by wheezing, maybe even a little weeping. He's constantly in and out of the bathroom, and he's starting to run out of tissues.

Futaba nervously texts Sojiro that the kid they took in sounds awful. Sojiro is gruff at first and says he's not a baby, he can take care of himself. She responds by sending him the audio and suddenly Dad Instincts kick in

y/n

obviously it's a YES, our brainrots continue because early-game ren and sojiro dynamics break my heart every time how dare you get me so invested in this idea, this post got too long so it's going under a read more

listen listen look i love sojiro and the coffee family okay, but early-game?? sojiro could catch these hands

ren has already been though so much by the time he arrives in tokyo, to then be put into a dusty old attic like a spare part would absolutely fit in with ren's own perception of himself at that stage. it would be almost too easy for him to put his own health on the backburner kinda like he's already used to it

very used to not taking up space, 'not being a bother', and then sojiro really reinforces this message when ren first gets to leblanc- so when ren inevitably gets ill a month into his probation, it's already doomed for maladaption

tokyo would be such a breeding ground for sickness compared to the countryside, and ren just doesn't have the consitution to deal with it. the dusty attic and poor eating habits don't help matters, and then we have the stress of kamoshida and the metaverse?? ren is not having a Good Time™

at first it's something he thinks he can shrug off, and is adamant that ignoring it is the way to go. a cold, it's nothing, he can handle this alone, no need to bother anyone else with it.

inevitably, he gets worse, because that's what happens when you don't rest and let yourself recover. a tickly cough becomes a tightness in his chest, mild congestion shifts into an attack on his senses and blurriness- but maybe that's the dizziness. he's not really sleeping, either.

it's something that's becoming increasingly difficult to brush off and hide, he even relented to finally getting some medicine (nothing as strong as he needs by this point, that would eat too much into his limited funds, but some painkillers to take the edge off). once or twice he's tempted to stay off school, at morgana's insistence, or a too close call where he definitely blacked out for a minute, but then sojiro's voice will ring in his head 'i won't be the one looking after you if you get sick', 'your parents got rid of you for being a pain in the ass', and all his worst insecurities come rushing back and he's resolved to deal with it on his own

meanwhile, futaba's been making use of her hidden audio bugs- normally they're a comfort for her in the daytime, but since the new kid- ren- has been staying at the cafe (part-timer her ass, how gullible does sojiro think she is?!), she's been listening more frequently. when ren gets sick, she figures it out quickly.

time goes on, he's not getting better- he's actually getting worse- and futaba starts to wonder if she's the only one who knows

(there's something in his sharp contrasts- the quiet kid who shuffles through the cafe and takes sojiro's scolding, to the coughing kid who cries into the silence of night when he thinks there's nobody there to see it- that stabs through her numbness. it feels like a companion to her own ghost)

one night she swears the kid gets up to be sick, and there's hardly any sound heard from the attic all night. if nobody's gonna help ren, then she will (futaba used to like helping, once upon a time).

she texts sojiro the next day, when ren doesn't say anything again, and goes off to school with what she bets is a fake assurance on his face

and you're so right, sojiro dismisses her concern really easily, claims the kid can 'take care of himself' and he won't 'baby' the part-timer. insists ren needs to learn some disipline, then maybe he'll stay out of trouble

frustration wells in futaba- if she was less fixated on what was going on with ren, she'd register it's one of the first changes of mood she's had for months- and she responds with nothing but an audio clip, an attached explanation that this is just from the past few days- it's been going on for weeks, then she waits, and hears the distant sound of her compilation through one of the bugs, a hitched breath from sojiro, curse words under his breath-

for all his earlier postulating about not helping ren if he gets sick, sojiro is immeditely struck with a pang of concern- it sounded bad, and if futaba's words were anything to go by, this had been going on for a while. the kid's at school now (at school, being as ill as that and he was still going to class-), so sojiro will talk to him when he gets back. there's a chance he goes a bit too over the top, between the variation of medicines he purchases, supplies he grabbed from home- if you accused him for over-compensating after maybe being too harsh on the kid in the beginning, you'd be right

and you just know ren would be so resistent at first to help, or even just the offer of staying off school. in his sickness-induced fugue, ren's filter-less in rattling off how he can't stay off, what will the students and teachers think, and he has work that afternoon, and a test soon, and he doesn't want to get in the way-

sojiro's heart just shatters

this kid, whose been silently carring the weight of the world and has apparently been falling to pieces for weeks now and sojiro didn't even notice?

(a part of it reminds him too much of the other kid he's got at home, the countless ways he's already failed futaba, and now ren too? he feels useless)

sojiro focuses on what he can do, and that's making the kid rest. work will understand, school can wait, ren isn't an inconvenience, he guides the kid to bed, calls takemi immediately (who rushes over, despite the fact she's technically closed at this hour, and refuses to take any payment),

even still, there's this stilted awkwardness between them when the quiet pushes on too long- they hardly know each other, afterall. sojiro is still figuring out the 'caring for kids' thing, and ren isn't familiar with any kind of parental affection, so some of sojiro's care veers a bit too close to clinical or mechanic, and ren still struggles to communicate what kind of help he needs, but it's enough for now.

for now, sojiro is there. he's trying, and at least ren's getting some colour back on his skin. for now, ren's willing to take a few days off and have some medicine, but he's over-apologetic and definitely tries to make up for his sickness once he's healed. it's gonna take them both a while yet, but luckily there's always their guardian hacker, ready and able to call them out when needed (and maybe some day she'll be able to keep an eye on ren and sojiro in person)

[fagtainsparklez]

something about how in-tune the jaiden-roier-bobby family is with each other. they know each other’s strengths like the back of their hands, and know when to step in if needed and when to let go.

when speaking of his revenge plans against spreen and quackity, roier involves bobby, saying he plans to use bobby’s strength as the best and strongest dragon to overpower them. it may seem like he’s using his son as a weapon, but no—bobby loves fighting. he jumps into battle without a second thought, whether it be dungeon-diving with roier, wrestling with tilin, or protecting jaiden from mobs, the kid loves a good battle. he’s excited to be able to avenge his dad!

alternatively, when talking about those very same plans, roier never includes jaiden in the combat. jaiden’s not a fighter. he knows this, and she does as well. still, she wants to be there for him, and to aid him in any way she can. so, instead of helping through combat, she offers her aid in words. if roier ever needs someone to distract spreen, or butter him up further, she’ll be there for him without a second thought. she doesn’t push roier to back down; in turn, he doesn’t push her to do more. they both offer their honest selves, and because of that, they know there’s nothing to push for.

they all bounce off each other so well and offer backup for each other’s weaknesses in a way that’s not belittling or insulting. their abilities are what they are, and there’s nothing wrong with what they can or can’t do. as long as they’re able to be there for each other, they’ll all be okay.

[simptasia]

its really fucking hard to get a read on margo because she doesn't show up a lot, but from what i can gather, she's one of those people who sided with her spouse over her child

[spite-and-waffles]

Trying to drag real-world ethics into the Batverse is a bad faith argument when absolutely nothing in the Batverse has any ethical or moral standing in the real world.

Real world evils that claim death tolls:

- billionaires

- cops

- vigilanteism

- copaganda (crime-fighting as a genre is libertarian copaganda)

- prison industrial complex

- war on drugs

- child soldiers

- policing entities without democratic or civic transparency or oversight

- finding acceptable targets for your personal trauma and visiting what you believe is justified violence on them

But all of that is fine and good and acceptable as conceits of the universe, EXCEPT the question of "should this rich white guy who appoints himself the protector of the innocent due to the failures of the legal system, actually do something about this guy who keeps killing because of the failure of the legal system?" THAT is somehow above challenge or question. Never mind that turning the concept of "legal incompetence", meant to protect the most vulnerable population in a society, into a loophole for fictional mass murderers is violent ableism and copaganda. Forget taking a deep dive into why exactly killing is bad, or how far a value system can go before it becomes self-serving, or storytelling imperatives or any of that. The only reason any of us could ever take Jason's side (re: the Joker) is that we, in real-life, think that "bad guys should die". Instead of the fact that because nothing works as it should in the Batverse, the Joker's continued existence actively cheapens any moral code that allows it.

You can take whatever side you want to, but get off that horse and actually engage with the question, or fuck off with the dudebros who think "killing a serial killer makes you as bad as a serial killer" has any actual ethical basis.

[charmac]

x

[winepresswrath]

THANK YOU for explaining the Louis/Armand fight with such clarity. Like obviously Armand has the ultimate power over the relationships here and the way he behaves in this episode is world class terrible, we can all see that, but I feel like I've been going crazy when people are softening Louis's words as light banter while Armand responding somewhat in kind is framed as malicious suicide baiting.

It's not my take but I would understand if people were approaching this as "Armand sucks so bad and technically can leave whenever so I give 0 fucks what Louis does or says to him," but "Louis was just being mean" doesn't track for me. He is at this point in his life using regularly enough that Armand's first response when he gets vicious is a bitter "here comes the drugs." He's used to this. Addiction is a complicated and terrible disease but Louis is Armand's partner, for whatever reason, apparently (big caveat) of his own volition and he responds to Armand being upset about his cycle of risky drug use and insincere apologies with a "you're boring and smothering" speech before turning on a dime to "cringe of you to be a victimized. it's given you a real victim mentality" when Armand says he's boring too. It's legitimately reprehensible behaviour! And that's fine. I will continue making heart eyes at him whenever he appears on screen undeterred.

[rudjedet]

One of my Quintessential Me childhood stories is that when I was 5 we were in this medieval town that was celebrating a city anniversary with all sorts of events including a jousting game and falconry demonstrations (I got to wear one of those gloves and hold a falcon, too). The jousting game was the main event and it had this entire storyline about the Good White Knight and the Evil Black Knight who eventually ended up head to head. Little me was very, very impressed by the knights to the point my parents bought me this lace little handkerchief to wave about and give to The Object Of My Affection after the games. It was really endearing 5 y/o behaviour, really,

though I don't think anyone necessarily expected me to give that handkerchief to Sir Black Knight (including Sir Black Knight).

[catboykacchan]

nooooo sun why would you do that..... are you stupid???? how out of touch from reality do you have to be to out your friends and your girlfriend to their parents when you don't know the situation at all? like i understand why she would be upset about having ongsa deny their relationship to her parents but does she seriously have zero understanding of the concept of homophobia. even if she wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who is not out to their family you can resolve that privately. now you've outed her and maybe ruined her life! good job!

[hotgirlmuseboardxo]

i’m never getting married until i find a man who spoils me as much as my parents do, specifically my mom omg that woman knows how to keep my pentacles secure 🫡 very glad i do not have siblings to share her with :-)

[daily-hanamura]

[hella1975]

sometimes i think about the fact my grandparents literally overnight just cut us off and im like. how did u even do that. does it torment you

[br1ghtestlight]

me and like three other ppl on ao3 singlehandedly trying to make jimmy pesto into a good father despite all canon evidence