#this is rambling but im still PROCESSING and i need to rewatch

[doofwrites]

thinking about annabeth seeing herself as the commander to the boys (her troops) and how she can’t have a man down, ever. ever.

how she’ll take the responsibility for their actions if that means they get out alive

how she was going to fight a chimera and try to hit three birds with one stone (earn back her mother’s respect and save her friends and keep the quest on track) even if it meant, y’know, fighting a chimera

how she thinks she’s failed as a leader because her (new) friend is going to be dead soon if she can’t open the door—dead, like her last best friend who was also a child of the big three, who saved them on a hill, whose last stand was what annabeth knew she had to do in that observatory room

how she thinks everything is correlated to what you offer the gods

and what does that mean, if all she’s earned so far are dead friends?

[plinkcat-gif]

hi. need help deciding an idea for my next powerpoint topic. here's the pros and cons

COMMUNITY

^_^: i can rewatch it and take notes on individual episodes, i get to ramble about trobed and geothermal escapism and abed in general

X: genuinely this would be so fucking long. i would have to probably only do one season or choose 3 eps from every season. if i did that tho, i would spoil it and frankly i think geothermal escapism is something everyone should experience with no prior knowledge. so probably id just do the first season. but then i dont get to talk about character growth DO YOU SEE THE CATCH 22 HERE

FNAF

^_^: i get to make another fnaf powerpoint (funny as hell, everyone enjoyed the last one) and ill maybe finally finish that video rip

X: done fnaf before. kind of want to branch out? but also i'm comfortable with fnaf so..

ROTTMNT

^_^: i get to ramble about why it's the best tmnt series (< guy who hasn't watched any of the other ones) and character ramble in general. i will reveal im a donnie kinnie which will be funny

X: brother i don't even know where to start. i love so much about this series and have very few gripes with it. love explosion. it's a bit of an intimidating project.

DUNGEON MESHI

^_^: AAUAAHHHHHGGG i already talk about this a lot and nobody has any clue what the hell im yapping about but this would force them to listen

X: i haven't read anything past the anime so i could only explain the anime and some additional epic lore stuff<3

MINECRAFT

^_^: i'm autistic as hell about this and could talk about SOOOOO much. speedruns, game mechanics, lore, personal headcanons, builds, etc.

X: none in particular except that i don't have any suuuuper strong passion for putting my thoughts in powerpoint form.

WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH EVERY YOUTUBER IM SUBSCRIBED TO

^_^: easy and would be funny and also i get to share multiple interests

X: not particularly passionate about this. would still have a fuck ton of fun of course tho

[that-bipolar-mood]

hey, my therapist thinks i might be bipolar and I’m really scared. it makes sense but it’s not something that I had thought about

I don’t know what to do what if I am bipolar??? im so worried that my friends will see me in a different way and I can’t loose them, I need them there all I have. I don’t know anyone that is bipolar and I have no support groups for bipolar disorder near me the closest one is almost 4 hours away. are people really going to see me so differently? Is being bipolar as bad as it sounds? Would meditation help or make it worse? I know nothing and I’m so worried about what’s going to happen. I know nothing about being bipolar. I’m sorry for the rambling I don’t know what to do, I’m just looking for help here.

-Axel

Hey there, sorry for my rambling, and thanks for stopping by.

Basically, I can assure you that all of us who were diagnosed went through something like this.

It's a long process, not gonna lie, but a good way to start is researching this condition. If you like books, fiction, or nonfiction (though I suggest non-fiction first), a quick google search will give you plenty of suggestions. My fav being Kay Redfield Jamieson, p.h.d. There are also movies, some more realistic than others. Probably among the top three is "Touched with Fire".

Anyway, once you get the basics and perhaps come to the conclusion that your therapist was right, you step on the path towards recovery and acceptance. (Not talking about full recovery since bipolar is a chronic condition)

1. You are still you

I know how deeply profoundly sucky the point of view becomes. You might see life through lenses of this illness, even yourself, your interests, and so on. But the cliché is true: your illness doesn't define you.

2. Acceptance isn't linear

Maybe unconventional, but I found that worrying and thinking about bipolar 24/7 made it worse. Some days I'll feel normal, some days I'll curse the day I was born. I'll mourn the losses I suffered from this illness, but I also will remember that there are is light.

3. This illness is dangerous

So many of us underestimated the consequences( of particularly mania). Depression is well known nowadays, but mania is often romanticised, glorified, and brushed aside. Meds, if prescribed, are your weapon.

4. What happened sucks, but...

Reexamine your life, goals, ambitions, needs, and wants. Even though I refused to accept the diagnosis at first, I still forced the evaluation. Because I felt my life was ruined, I, for the first time, realized what was truly important to strive for. Plus, I got rid of many universal bad habits. But it's okay to take time. Please take time, self care and love are priorities.

5. Let others be

This is probably the hardest part. Some people never tell they are bipolar. But having Carrie Fisher for an inspiration made me stop hiding. Either way, some will leave, and some will stay. It's not your job to educate them, to force their narrow views wide, to in any way lose your energy over their ignorance. BUT. Others will actually try to understand. Your friends, I dare say, will want to help, be there, because you are you, and this is just an illness. Be patient and kind with those. Family is trickier, but in the end, they love you. Remember, when someone leaves, it's their loss. However, in the 21st century, people tend to be more open-minded. I never received a negative comment from my peers. When I "came out," people were kind and gentle, even though I expected them to start throwing stuff at me, literally.

I am certain that you will find your own way of dealing with this load. You will grow and evolve, like a beautiful flower, and this will seem easier, with each step down the road. You can find many successful and happy people with this condition. I personally cannot live without mediation, yoga, my dog, my wonderful friends, and yearly Skam rewatches. These keep me grounded, even when I punch my pillow in frustration, because goddamn universe why me.

Finding your way is therapeutic. the internet offers great advice, people gave great lectures, and you can even find podcasts, specifically about bipolar disorder. But in the end, it's just an illness, yes, a giant part of you, but also the unimportant part. Your thoughts, emotions, interests, desires, and more - this is you - and more. and more. infinite. a whole universe. perfect. While bipolar is merely a dot. And if you two are ever in opposition, my bet will always be on you.

If this is remotely close to an answer, I am glad. If not, my dms are open. Or if I can help in any way, don't hesitate to let me know. With Love,

x

[kinaesthetiqueer]

(clearing out some drafts. condensing a couple of jnpr vs rwby into one post here)

August 1

i still haven't decided who wins rwby v jnpr

given me, there's an obvious answer. for plot reasons, i could convince glynda to skip it altogether. for canon reasons [post ends there, presumably i got distracted]

August 3rd

thinking about how i backed myself into a corner with rwby vs jnpr and how i don't really wanna write it so i might just skip it _(:3」∠)_

spoiler alert. processing rambles below.

if it does happen, rwby will probably lose because of weiss. unless rwby can convince me otherwise. they have the semblance advantage and canon on their side (food fight). however jnpr has non-canon on their side bc they're god's (my) favorite and also the way ive worked this volume favors them being more cohesive as a unit

i am thinking about ways to communicate even clearer when something from canon does or does not happen but i hope it's thus far clear that some things have yet to happen.

as Nora points out in her pre-jnpr vs crdl thoughts, she and jaune lost their duos demonstratory match. while it's yet to be mentioned, jaune still lost to cardin in his one-on-one as he does in canon.

i just rewatched jaunedice and forever fall before i decided to get tooooo far into JNdice planning. massively surprised that pyrrha becomes the target of cardin's ire simply because of being a know it all??? i knew i had my events mixed up but heavens that's hella extreme. makes dove's reasoning for going after Nora in ssvau seem... reasonable... good heavens. (hint: it's the jnpr vs crdl knockout)

for context's sake, and my own personal rambly timeline needs—

at the end of the rwby vs jnpr week (a week from current chapter), forever fall happens. which places jaundice taking place slightly to the left because i've adjusted cardin's asshole motivation in this au to crest with jaunedice, not quite originate there. giving a shorter time period of jaune torture. thankfully, because nora is our only pov that keeps track of jaune, i won't have to completely rehash canon-two-steps-to-the-left for this arc, only allude to what she notices. unfortunately for me, i do have to know everything that is happening. hence this ramble.

anyways i think the issue with jnpr vs rwby is several fold

i have a favorite team

nora is well rested

weiss is exhausted

jaune is not great at thinking on his feet

like they still prep and plan for rwby but they know damn well rwby has been more cautious about showing off than crdl ever was

pyrrha and nora and ren are gonna kick ass

blake and yang are gonna kick ass

ruby learns from earlier in the week after [spoilers] and can definitely kick ass if/when she stops pouting about weiss

the outcome has implications for the end-of-semester rankings which i am also still deciding

damn they might just have to fight until a draw due to time. because i think jaune and weiss would go down faaaaaaast.

----

bringing us to now....

okay SO since early august, i did some pretty intense problem solving and actually came up with the funniest solution possible. good news, i'm not going to skip it! bad news, im keeping the solution to myself until we get there.

it is my hope that my fight scenes are okay and fun to read, but i will be SO real with you they are one of my least favorite things to write. however, i think this one will be pretty fun

[re-bee-key]

Hey Willow Fandom, I have a wild theory. Im doing a rewatch, and I'm at the scene in The Gales where Graydon reads the Pnakoptic written on the Mother's Gate. And as he is reading, the world shakes. Specifically when he mentions the Wyrm's Harbinger.

And when we get to the end of the season, Graydon wakes up in the Wyrm's domanion. With what seems like an illusion of Elora. (I have mixed feelings on if she is Wyrm Illusion Elora or Corrupted Future Elora.) And she tells him she needs him. To bring her light to the world. Very creepy Wyrm shit.

And, when the Crone is dying, she tells Airk he is the chosen Harbinger.

And this got me thinking, there must be some kind of prophecy for the Harbinger. Just like there was for Elora. Whispered hopes among the evil who serve the Wyrm.

I think in this prophecy, it must have been said that the Harbinger would be a man of great power. One to rival Elora's.

Which is why the Crone kidnaps Airk. Because he has the blood of Bavmorda, which should, in theory, mean he has great magic potential.

I think Sorsha suspects this, and that's why she gives the warning to Kit.

But I think the Crone got the prophecy wrong. I think Graydon was the dark prince promised. I mean, heck, still at a beginner level, he impressed the Crone with his magic. If the Wyrm were to guide him and lend him his magic, then Graydon could have unlimited potential.

Graydon is the Harbinger.

Which is why the ground shook when he read the bloody runes. Its like a narrative forshadowing of his destiny.

Or, at least. Thats my theories. Im pretty sure the writer gave him such a minor, comedic role to make it more shocking and novel when this is all revealed.

I also think it lends to a potentially cool "fuck destiny" moment. That i think everyone in the party needs to have.

Anways. Thanks for coming to my rambling ted talk.

Side thought: I saw on some fandom wiki that Pnakoptic is a reference to a Lovecraft story. And I think that is so interesting. Like. This means the Wyrm is more than some lazy "fantasy devil lord of darkness" reference. No, the Wyrm is a straight up Lovecraftian elder god.

Its interesting that he's a wyrm. Because worms bore holes into things. Their bodies snaked and nestled snug inside. Like a parasite it feeds and the thing dies.

I think the Wyrm is doing that to the planet. We see him in his own realm. But we are told he's actually some place sleeping. So what if is just a dream realm we see. And his real self is snaked deep throughout the world. His body appearing on the surface occasionally as we see when Elora looks out the door.

Eldricht gods are beings of illusions and nightmares and horrors beyond compression and possession. Above all, they are of unknowable madness and manipulation.

Also, a key thing. They are beings of knowledge.

Graydon is the smartest person in the party. He's basically done nothing but read his entire life.

Most people in eldricht horror stories that try to understand elder gods knowledge go mad. And maybe thats what the lich process is in Willow. The Crone and all them are corrupted by the power and knowledge the Wyrm can give.

Which brings us to Graydon. Maybe he's smart enough that he can learn without getting too corrupted. His mind in tact, so the Wyrm can have a tool, not a puppet.

In most Eldricht stories, people who mess with dark magic die. I know Graydon "died" so this is a mooy point. But still.

I hope, that the show continues to subvert tropes and that there are themes of fighting against destiny. And we see Graydon either not becoming the Harbinger, or using his Harbinger powers for good instead of evil.

Ok, second ramble over.

[ghostfalls137]

rick and morty 6/10 spoilers / talk

i think like... a lot of this season was talking to the viewers as morty. Havent seen many people mention this aspect to it so I wanted to ramble lol I feel like most of season 6 was just set up yeah... people were saying how inconsistent the show was getting, and they decided to REALLY DRIVE IN CONSISTENCY bringing up old bits like sleepy gary and the butter robot. just a lot of the writers having fun yet also driving forward each character, as each character got their own ep this season directly, to add them all back to relevancy a bit more bc the show does, revolve around rick and morty. so it did that a little less this season

im all over the place here sorry lol I still need to recover from this last college semester lmao

ok so the main point i wanted to make, was in 'story train 2' aka the uh. the episode with Campbell that harmon DEFINITELY wrote. there's a point where rick points at the camera but is talking to morty and he was like 'youre what matters' to the camera aka the viewers. and the last scene in 6/10 reminded me of THAT. his ramble that he always does, the rick and morty 100 years rant, it was the writers talking to us, the viewers.

you wanted this. you wanted the dark backstory, you wanted the serialization and the focus on other character arcs. you wanted to see rick change. and here, now you get it all! you get what you wanted despite the warnings. idk I was baked when I saw the ep, I've gotta do a season rewatch and then a series rewatch again to trace it, but it felt DIRECT. that scene was the writers talking to the viewers. a lot of the season was, really? with the story cycle episode and jerrys internet famous arc 'when they start looking for shit to hate you for that's how you know you made it' yeah that feels like a harmon line for sure. i know there was a lot of internal conflict of what they wanted the show to be, but they seem pleased with what they settled on. this year alone harmon and roiland said that the show could easily go on for 1000 episodes. if one arc gets finished, if one UNIVERSE gets finished, they've created a setup that they can exhaust forever. they always wanted to be like the simpsons and tbh I hope they get a long run

but im VERY VERY excited theyre taking this turn, story wise, writers aside. its honestly the best way they've could have gone, I remember seeing the reveals and being like :] cus yeah. we got rick developing. we got rick regressing! we got to see more of the other characters, id say we got very nice storylines as well. i enjoyed it all a lot and I am very scared-excited for season 7. its interesting to see how many mixed reviews they get and how much bad writing criticism when I can literally trace their thought process for it... as this season showed rick trying to improve and grain mortys trust and respect, the writers were saying the same to the viewers. in a similar sense, as rick showed morty that he would always be rick and to watch what you wish for, the writers were doing the same. no more silly random adventures, were going full canon and you wanted this.

[werebird]

werebird, i just finished winter lamb and im so in awe of your talent of dialogue writing, your on-point characterisation of hannigram but also the supporting chars.

i notice you're still active on ao3 but havent written hannibal fics for a while, and im just curious: how long did it take for you to plot out the story of winter lamb? there were so many moving pieces, that id love to know more about the planning process for the story. i'm also curious if you've ever thought of coming back to phantom spring as i'm eager to know how you planned to continue the story.

lastly, i'm dying to know what your thoughts are on how a potential season 4 would've gone given the hints bryan has told about cuba, murder husbands v murder wives, etc. your clever and natural plolines in winter lamb have me curious how you'd anticipate season 4 panning out.

Okay, first of all, sorry for taking forever to answer this but also thank youu so much for all the love 😭❤️

I'm gonna ramble a little bit so i'll put the answers under a read more..

Soo.. plotting the fic didn't actually take that long. At the time I was just rewatching the show and had the time and patience to pay attention to all the characters individually. I had some ideas of who I thought would make interesting allies and I wanted everyone to shine on their own and have their own agenda. I really loved all the characters individually, still do.

I didn't want the time skip to be as long as it was in the show and I wanted to skip the dragon storyline. Obviously I wanted Will and Hannibal to get together eventually and this turned out to be the most difficult thing. Will as a character is just so stubborn. He would rather die than give into his dark side. I spent so much time with the show back then that it was difficult to just pretend he would easily be convinced. He needed to believe he was sacrificing himself once more. I also knew he would have to cut all ties, feel betrayed and isolated, and feel like there was no way back. And so in the end, the fic came together piece by piece but somewhat naturally. I was just following along with where the characters wanted or needed to go.

I was also actually experimenting a bit with the unreliable narrator and with how much happened off-screen. It's not really something I'm usually comfortable with writing so this was what I struggled with as well.

I do wanna finish Phantom Spring!!! It's haunting me actually. I HAVE to finish it, the band needs to get back together!! I've plotted it and everything, but in order for me to do it right™, i would need more time and a better headspace to get back into the show (especially for the dialogue), to do more research, etc. and I would need to let go of what I consider my '''style''' these days.

Back then, I was really into screenwriting which relies heavily on dialogue (of course) but since then my interest has drifted away from it. Now I prefer a clear, singular pov in reading as well as writing. In order for me to include all the characters, there would need to be multiple perspectives. I started the fic and then I got scared that couldn't pull it off and then I stopped, hoping to continue once I would feel more confident. Your message is already helping me with that ❤️ so i hope i can get back into it soon.

Ahh the infamous forth season.... I would have been curious too about how bryan would have written it. Will wanted to die rather than be like (be with?) Hannibal. I think it's really really hard to have him come around and make it believable. Personally, I cannot see Hannibal (of the show not the books) be tamed (or become a vigilante) and i can't see Will go dark without him going through serious self loathing/more suicidal behavior. it would have been a painful season in order to pull it off. iirc they wanted to take on the Clarice character as well which i feel would have felt a little rushed too. Bryan is an incredible writer (i love him so much) but sometimes his choices confuse me (not necessarily in a bad way). I was always a little worried that a fourth season would move away from Will in order to avoid the difficult corner his character has moved itself into. I was also worried that the characters we all love would have no other choice but destroy each other and become unlikable. I don't know if I would have loved the show the same if I actually had to see Will and Hannibal eat Bedelia for example. I wouldn't have wanted to see Hannibal try and kill Jack again (and maybe succeed). Those are difficult choices. I do like conflict, but I don't like hopeless conflict too much :/

I still hope we might get to see it a continuation though. And with how much time has passed, there would now need to be a big time skip anyway so a lot of my issues could be explained away by time passed and people changed.

I hope these answers give you a little more insight, I would love to hear your thoughts too!! ❤️

[ellitx]

It stuck out to me that Dain specified that "the gods descended and destroyed Khaenri'ah" cuz Barbatos and Morax were never in Celestia (I can't remember if Barbatos briefly went with Venessa but even then he was for what ten minutes lol) ANNNNND the only power we see in the destruction of it (in that one trailer) is the Sustainer's. I highly doubt the god of freedom (and love) and a god who knows when to let humanity do its own thing were even remotely part of that destruction- I'm quite sure the gods Dain spoke of were the Celestial gods, not the ones in Teyvat. And if you think about it, Khaenri'ah being destroyed could be why the majority of the Archons we know about oppose/don't care about Celestia

My guess is Dain is assuming all gods are the same, but they're very much not. Also, while I'm at it I wanna point out that ppl in game insist on calling Venti useless and lazy or even imply he's bad... meanwhile Baal is over there blocking off her entire region and taking away Visions and no one (in canon) says a single word against that. How is Venti always talked about like he's some huge problem when Baal and even Tsaritsa are right there being actual menaces (from what we understand so far)... it makes no sense. Ppl are so mean to Venti even if he's not around and for what... what has the god who's always fought for humanity's freedom and happiness done to hurt anyone I just do not understand, I cannot see Venti doing anything of what Dain said. That goes against his entire being...

Dain even contradicts himself multiple times and kept the fact he knows the sibling a secret... for what??? Why is he so sketchy?? Frankly I don't trust him, especially if this theory holds any merit

All this being said, if Venti is actually evil somehow I'll take it I love villains😅😂 But it could also be true that Khaenri'ah was not as great as Dain made it sound... coulda been evil or plotting smth terrible for all we know. He was cursed after all (if I'm understanding right), and literally no one else that we're aware of has been cursed. If Visions are divine blessings then curses are divine punishments... Visions are given to extraordinary ppl and/or those who have suffered greatly; they're given to help ppl. Curses tho... you gotta really fuck up to be cursed I assume.

Last thing before I'm done rambling I am so so sorry I just have a lot of thoughts about all this: in the chapter outline video Dain literally tells us to 'defeat him and command him to step aside' after saying "we (humanity) will defy this world with a power from beyond". Idk about anyone else but that kinda sounds like "sure I wanna destroy the world, but you can stop me". And isn't changing the world what Tsaritsa and the Fatui (and the Abyss Order??) are doing... Dain why are you against the gods who seemingly have the same goal as you

Okay I'm sorry that's so long but I'm done now BYE GIDHWHGEJFJE

-🌧 anon

I'm quite sure the gods Dain spoke of were the Celestial gods, not the ones in Teyvat. And if you think about it, Khaenri'ah being destroyed could be why the majority of the Archons we know about oppose/don't care about Celestia

Yep yep, as ive said before i havent thought the gods dain had mentioned can also be referred to the gods of celestia so it’s my fault for not understanding it well. And iirc venti isnt really fond of celestia which is why he gave his gnosis to the tsaritsa who is going against them

Also, while I'm at it I wanna point out that ppl in game insist on calling Venti useless and lazy or even imply he's bad...

Ppl are so mean to Venti even if he's not around and for what... what has the god who's always fought for humanity's freedom and happiness done to hurt anyone I just do not understand, I cannot see Venti doing anything of what Dain said. That goes against his entire being...

This really saddens me a lot that they view venti as an irresponsible archon when in fact he has done lots of things to keep his nation safe

Rebelling against the aristocracy to stop it during the time of Vennessa, waking up when he heard the cries of his people when Durin was attacking Mond, and even helping out in stopping Dvalin’s corruption

When they say Venti's "irresponsible" it's.. scary

He was given responsibility for the whole nation and was brave enough to accept it. He worked hard for years,sacrificed his power for people's freedom. He still risks his life regularly

source: @/Genshin_Kineli

Venti has more to it than meets the eye and it just needs a better understanding of him yet they keep looking on his current state. Like how often he goes to the tavern for a drink or laze around. Venti’s done lots of things okay T^T even during the Windblume, he helped us out in assisting his students from afar.

Dain literally tells us to 'defeat him and command him to step aside' after saying "we (humanity) will defy this world with a power from beyond". Idk about anyone else but that kinda sounds like "sure I wanna destroy the world, but you can stop me".

Now this is something that piqued my interest as i was reading theories in the subreddit.

In his outro, it seems that the Traveller will be forced to fight him in the future, to save the Traveller's Sibling--"Defeat me, command me to step aside, show me that you are worthier than I to rescue her.

Then, the threads of all fate will be yours to re-weave." It's unclear who the hero or the villain is in this situation. Is it Dainsleif, holding the Traveller's Sibling hostage? Or is it the Traveller's Sibling, who is about to set the world into ruin with Dainsleif wanting to stop them?

Only time will tell but if anything's for certain, things are not as black and white as it may seem.

source: u/hrcmstrbl

Dainsleif really be suspicious and acting mysterious. His dislikeness towards the gods is what got my interest so much. There must be a reason why he doesn’t like them. Even towards the archons of Teyvat, Dain doesn’t seem to be so fond of them and we can see that when were about to go the Favonius Church to ask Barbara

Anyways— my brain is still processing all of these informations and im just reading all the lores i can find LMAO for now i still have to rewatch all cutscenes then go back to these theories and continue to dig some more

[panevanbuckley]

Casmund/911 anon back again, first off, never apologize for rambling because thats what I'm about to do. On casmund, I didn't ship it right away, but I rewatched prince capsian and after and was like, oof i see some pining in there, and it just got so much more intense in VOTD, but like, its such a quiet unappreciated ship that I am always excited to see someone else shipping it just as hard as I do. on 911, I AM NOT READY. I just finished season 3 on Hulu to find out season 4 will be removed soon and Im like, i need to process season 3 first please before watching season 4 . Oof i just got into 911, ive seen it trending a few times for buddie, and was always like, huh cool they chased turkeys in that one episode, and then there was a gunshot scene and the whole internet broke but now that im into it OMG I CANNOT WAIT. CAMELS IN LA!? the behind the scenes stuff is killing me slowly

omg sorry for the late reply, life went a little hectic for a second there 😂

honestly, I was surprised to see that casmund is pretty much the most popular ship in the fandom? but also, how could it not be like look at them 😅 my problem is I've been craving some soft fluff for them and can't seem to find anything that hits the spot. if you have any fic recs I'd be so grateful!

please, omg, it's been how long since s4 ended?? 2 1/2 months?! all I had to do was watch s3 so that I'd be all caught up before s5 starts and I swear- I've only just seen s3e8.... I miss lockdown when I could just binge watch my shows 😭 s4 is so amazing! so much sassy Eddie omg. before this, I was never really into any trending fandoms so the experience of watching new episodes with everyone was so much fun, I honestly miss the hype - I can't wait for it to return and my dash to be filled with so much new content!!

Ryan's face when he pets that camel still cracks me up 😂 that episode is gonna be so chaotic and I cannot wait 💕

[romy350-romyakari]

Since I'm okey with people calling me out here I will unleash my humble opinion on a matter that makes me roll on my seat because is so funny as it also is so... uhmmm "weird" to have in count.

Take it as the writers huge mistake what I'm going to point out in a bit.

I guess I'm still salty even after 5 years. Is confusing at best and I'm adding this after writing all of this. Is a lot to read so please just know is a huge ramble.

aka me rambling over what I feel on rewatch been no longer that young

Is part of our experience judge that to some degree.

Characterization is important, it defines who we see on a story and is better if there are consistend or if their inconsistent have a good reason to be.

Well I was young once and could miss mistake like the 180° not so justified turn of events on a main character. I realize some years later and can laugh about it because it makes no sense.

I'm going to explain the case of Angel's Friends cartoon and that huge mistake from their characters.

Like I am fond of the series because it was my first fandom. But still I can't unsee this as you can guess.

Let's begin with the nature of something they like to state early on the cartoon show which was really cliché but angels were the goodie two-shoes and devils were the bad guys im general. Simple but not so simple for them to keep in rule it seems.

I like to imagine they respect some of the calm and more expected nature of the angels and the chaotic and up to no good ways of the devils like the Original comics did for both of them but we wouldn't be here on my post if that was the case.

It was quite a mess how the cartoon take the character since the side character could be so plain that you forgot that they were doing something till they were support help to their own side been angels or devils.

But again with the stuff that make me roll off till now and nobody on the show says a thing about.

They freaking mess up with their own statment of Sulfus on the cartoon show and they can't tell me no they didn't. Is hillarious and let me tell you why.

They may say on that thing how "loves make you change" but this one could be taken for a fool and is really lot coming from me.

They present him lot more chaotic and really problematic on just chapter 1, it did give an impression but everthing goes down hill a bit from her and on.

As the plot of first season is the villianess doing hidding matchmaking and poison of love plan that seem to turn into a real love story for this chaotic case of the female lead Raf an angel and the male lead who is Sulfus a devil so she could scape limbo to the terrible consecuenses that bring over a trully huge rule on the series wich is part of a magic code of not interfering with each other party and less uhmm a kiss, you really see lot of stuff go on here and mark my word is not like "oh no this is not safe for the kids" but is not quite recomended for them peraphs.

This doesn't make sence but i think the villianess plan was an excuse to showcase the romantic tension and ovearlod or romantic takes.

I can't watch the series withouh some wather to pass the taste of "i thinks this is too much"

But this mention has a meaning behind since i need to state this and the huge overload on the romance we get because i believe is a guge thing that affecter how they write the characters on the cartoon show .

They really did bad to Sulfus uh? Like most of the show. You wouldn't qish to have to deal with chapter 1 Sulfus as asigned rival, he seem to be a big deal on the devils group because how remacable chaotic he was but that didn't last long.

The villianess plan was a match making one since he and Raf break a rule that is used to her advantage she would lead them to comith a sacrilege which would really shake that magical code that they should not mess with. It causes huge dissasters and mess btw.

There is s small time gap before the love poison the villianess send on a spider that she encomended her only servant with leaning it to find the pair of eternals she was targeting. On that gap we still retained normal characterization for Sulfus but the episode went down hills on characterization pretty quickly.

It was so uncalled for the way they set the situation of the bit from the spider tho... idk if blame the spider at all because actually the romance would no have a foot at all if the writers didn't bend Sulfus as a character like the extend they did.

There is this huge point they state that their romace was not because of the spider bit that later i think is kind of acknowledge but is quite confusing if they wat to justify some fated love.

Anyways from then on we see how literally did soften Sulfus character to the point he been devil makes me wonder why nobody call him out about it like there is this expectation they stated us the normal was been that troublesome chaotic for devils but they seem to just let it pass from then on. I am still laughing because he actually change so much that rewatch episode one you can just laugh because at that point you know he will became a softie later that is actually bad for him as a charcter since there is little to non struggle on why he is behaving that way or if he wants to undertand this changes at all.

There is near to non thinking on him since idk, it should peraphs feel more comflicting with all stated but he just misses the cue and goes for it on ocaccions?? Is quite weird he is so open to forget the only rules the devils respect. The no involve themselven with angels matters pr the angels themselves unless is about work.

Was is the spider? Who knows they smke it confusing after the trial episode and then the movie came and idk if laugh to the villaness of some fortune teller since wow she was lucky on that scape uh?

They literally make him datable material for the female lead and is a sad thing but well, the cartoon show itself could acomplish as the one with most romace scenes/moments of all time for a cartoon show, not well written but it has them. And maybe the one with an exclusive kissing sequence [no it was not just a few seconds for the kissing scene, there was a freaking sequece of it if i recall well and i recall it as something thar they put budge on it for some reasons since they did a 360° turn around on the sequence even] is impressive comoared to other european cartoons that claimed to have romace on the tags and give you a but here and there while this was like a full bag of the bread but questonable if is one you will like lol

You know the writer forgot many stuff when then Sulfus was the one trying to remind Raf the rules but follow behind her because who care love is a fool or so writers say on those chapter after the half of season 1

If you cringe is undestandable, I cannot rewatch in a full go as I used to when I was younger, i could because i let so many stuff pass.

Sometimes I wonder why even follow this plot idea when the Original comics had a great plot a great characters.

The most consistent Sulfus I know so far is Original Comic Sulfus, that is entretating to read and he does not change much from who he is, he may be a may character and this yime kind of falling in love with the Raf there but well, is not quite the deal since is explained this weird odds of the posibility of anglels and devils with training on 99% not be complete perfect and could end up with a crush or so but all is just momentary and will vanish once they reach 100%. Is onsided crush thing since the live interest for Raf is a human on the Original Comics and that, again, is a prohibited thing, the magic code is not applied between angels and devils but between humans and eternals here.

Back to Original comics Sulfus is quite funny how he figure out he is having a crush, btw they all pre-teen kiddos apearance wise except for the master of the school program while the cartoon show present them as teenager lookalike, and really he does struggle and bit on that whole process of realization. It seems Original comics Sulfus give hint of it but it was subtle changes that yeah it was nice details, maybe is even sad how he just decides to be subtle about it and do nothing big since is not something he would bother much aside there is bigger issues for angels and devils, that characters I like of that characterization is that he will still be who they state him to be but subtle changes mark that realization.

And the rest of the cast is just as cool on ther characterization, you see somtimes little on some of the characters but they don't lose thar cool characterization they had from the start and is so welcome from me as a reader.

A shame they cancelled the good comic because of the cartoon show, really a shame. I will be sad about that till the end of my days because iwanted the resolution of all major a smaller struggles were cool to read.

I have no idea how they funded a movie and a second season of the cartoon show and idk how their live action somewhat based on some fact of the cartoon show went.

But to make thing short here the resume:

Cartoon show mess it up big time with characterization and we lost cool orginial comics thanks tho the cartoon show, that would be all.

You fan cring or be sad about it and I will get it.

Yeah I"m still bit salty about that.

[luobingmeis]

That Taliesin quote really gets at why Molly means so much to me as a character. He’s very much all the things I am not. I’ve struggled my whole life being weighed down by feelings of shame - from my gender and sexuality, my neurodivergencies and trauma, or just my feelings and interests and desires. For most of my life I’ve felt broken. But then you have Molly, who’s outspoken and proud and bright and a bit of an ass but still compassionate and kind. (1/2?)

Molly never needed to be fixed. That being said, and a lot of this is me projecting, but I still see him as needing to acknowledge his trauma in order to heal (as two years isn’t really any time at all to process that). So I don’t really see Molly’s confidence as him being a static character at all. And having a character go “Im allowed to be honest about painful past while still being confident in who I am now” would’ve just been *chefs kiss* but you know. (2/3)

Sorry for rambling, your posts really hit me in my Molly feels. I’m not a good enough writer to write a fix it but Molly just means so much to me personally I just had to yell a little bit. (3/3)

i feel that, in a way. not exactly, bc i dont want to downplan what you’ve been through, but molly’s very “shamelessly himself” attitude is something that i really admired and, as i saw him more and more, it’s what drew me to him. of course i also just loved him and i thought his character was amazing, but it was hearing taliesin talk abt him that really made it click like oh. like, as a 20yo, im filled with a lot of regrets and “what if’s” that i feel like i shouldn’t have but still burden me to this day, i always feel so stuck and keep thinking stuff like “well what if this was different” or “well what if i was different, what if i was stronger” and like........ the two quotes from taliesin that really stuck with me were “he was never a character who needed to be fixed, he was never a character who needed permission” and “make people deal with you, but make sure dealing with you is a positive experience” and like ngl those feel like quotes that are gonna saddle right up with balance quotes that have affected me

i think what also stuck with me is that, in the talks after ep26, tal kept referring to how molly is, like, early 20s, and that alone got me incredibly emotional last night bc, ngl, yesterday morning was rough for me? like after i had a cathartic cry i was all good, but yesterday morning i just kept saying to myself “im 20 and it feels like everything’s over and that i messed so much shit up and that this is just it” and like....... it’s not like molly made me realize “oh! hey! i actually dont have any regrets!” but he as a character really inspires me to try to not be so harsh on myself? and to let myself live without constantly questioning if what i’m doing is putting me on the right path? like....... yeah

and i get what you’re saying!! i dont entirely have an opinion, partially bc we have had different experiences but also bc molly being confident in the face of anything was something i really admired and strived for, but i def see what you’re saying

like...... im almost tempted to see if there are mollymauk compilations on youtube bc like............ i wanna see him again and i dont have the time to rewatch 26 episodes omg

and i apologize for rambling, too, i’m still in like a State right now

[stingroy]

Who do you think was the mist immoral character of Moral Orel Clay or Censordoll? Do you think there were evil characters in the show or were they just flawed people trying to do what they perceived as the right thing?

THIS POST IS LONG BEWARE

im bias but clay all the way

if ms censordoll was a real person i would despise her, but in the show shes really fun and interesting to watch imo! of course i dont condone book burning and censorship i just think shes a good character to critique and make fun censorship with, plus i love her voice whoever her voice actor is did a great job. to be honest i havent rewatched the episodes where shes a main focal point in a long while so i need to refresh my memory before id be able to really form a strong opinion on her that i would stand by firmly

clay is an abusive addict with no interest in anyone else but himself, he has no agenda other than to get drunk and be miserable. i mean maybe he’s “invested” in teaching orel because he’s his only (legitamate) son but then... nature still happened. clay often talks about how hes distant from his family on purpose and doesnt care about them so i dont think he really gives that much of a shit all in all. i know he had a difficult childhood (yet another episode i need to rewatch (its been years), im on s2e3 so i still have a ways) but it doesnt justify like anything he does. cool motive still murder yknow? clay reminds me a lot of my religious alcoholic estranged father so i DEFINITELY have a personal bone to pick with clay cuz ive been there.

when it comes to whether the townspeople are evil, i feel like that question really lies at the heart of the show, not just for clay and censordoll but almost everyone in moralton (cept for orel of course). i could go into that concept for the next seventeen years so i wont right now but i think between the both of them at least censordoll probably thought she was doing the right thing for the people in her town. not that anything she did was actually right, but organizing all those daily pickets and book burnings must take some effort, right? someone who didnt care at all wouldnt go through the trouble. she seems to like genuinely care about moralton being righteous, even if her idea of righteous media is completely skewed and wrong. i wouldnt call that evil, horribly misguided and incorrect definitely but evil? im not really sure.

again tho its been a while so my opinion might change as i run thru s2 and 3 again, and im really starting to consider that if censordoll was a real person i probably would consider her to be evil but that might be more of a comment on my thought processes and perception of people than censordoll herself... lol

i dont know if clay even thinks he’s doing the right thing by orel truly. i think somewhere deep inside past his addiction there is someone in there trying to do something for orel, trying to keep him on the right path in a weird and terribly unfortunate way. clay has made it clear through his actions that he will not engage with parts of his family that he doesnt care about (cough bloberta and shapey cough), and he seems to always make time for orel. whenever orel needs to talk to him, clay is around to give his lessons and “guidance”. maybe thats just because his lessons are a crucial part of the show, but i think that shows. some effort? some acknowledgement? that he doesnt show to anything else other than drinking.

unfortunately clay is a sick motherfucker. he’s so rooted in his own trauma and addiction that he cant see anything other than his own pain. and i do absolutely sympathize with that, ive dealt with my own traumas and addictions and you lose sight of who you are and what you value. sometimes people can get to the point where they lose everything they love other than the bottle, and then they die and lose that too. its a disease, and its absolutely not someones fault that they have an alcohol problem.

but clay gives into himself. he makes no effort to change his situation, bloberta even brings this up in s1ep10 when theyre arguing about shapey’s breastfeeding. she tells him to quit his stinkin dead end job and stop being such a crybaby and you know what shes mean af but shes right! all clay does is wallow around and drink because hes miserable and stays miserable because he drinks. he numbs everything out instead of changing his life for... convenience? image? fear? probably a combo

my real problem with clay is that he hurts people because he is hurt. thats where my sympathy dies and i no longer really care about his motivations and trauma. i think nature is the clearest example of that, but clay hurts orel throughout the show. like damn he literally beats the kid with a belt in 90% of the episodes. its just not justifiable to me at all.

i will say one more thing that clay does that i think really says something about him. everytime orel does something wrong, clay takes him to his study, beats/spanks him with the belt (we never see it so who knows how severe it is), and then talks to orel. and orel LISTENS. ALWAYS. clay doesnt have to beat orel to punish him, orel has such a strong sense of loyalty and obiedience that his true punishment is his fathers disappointment. orel always listens to what clay says without question, and clay still finds it nessecary to beat him. it makes me think that clay gets something else out of that interaction like vindication, stress relief, or something of that nature. its cruel, and its selfish. its like beating a dog. you dont have to do it to make him listen to you, so why do it? probably for a reason other than discipline.

clay and censordoll are obvs the two people we’re talking about but a lot of people in moralton do bad things for the sake of righteousness and goodness. like i said a bit earlier i really do think that question is The Big Question of the show, and i feel like many people will have varying opinions based on their own morals and life experiences. the intricate motivations and values of each of the characters in moral orel is one of the things that makes the show so great and so interesting that here i am writing a long winded “analysis” on it on tumblr a decade after it was released.

WOW i completely derailed myself and started rambling for seven hours but!!!

tl;dr clay is a bitch and the people of moralton arent inherently evil monsters but i sure do have my problems with them

[thisisasupergoodidea]

just watched The Guy Who Didnt Like Musicals a second time. i didnt really process the songs properly the first time and didnt like them but now i can actually hear the tunes as intended and i love this whole thing so much. so im gonna ramble about this musical for a bit. spoilers ahead if u havent watched yet (its on youtube)

ive seen a few of the theories ppl have about the delivery of the musical, and about what happens at the end especially. i think i wanna try my hand at it too because sometimes i enjoy interpreting details. and im a gigantic sucker for reprises that stitch together all the songs we just heard into its own frankenstein song that completely changes in meaning or tone based on all the info we absorbed over the course of the program. and boi the last song of the show sure fuckin delivers

ok well i need to start at the beginning though. some ppl are confused by what the opening lil song and dance is within the context of the musical, because it introduces the main character, but at that point no one is infected yet so it just seems like standard musical stuff in the viewpoint of the audience, who expects this. but the entire plot of this musical is that the characters’ world slowly BECOMES a musical due to alien spores from a meteor infecting everyone to act as a harmonious hive mind. so in this sense its two musicals at the same time: the musical that starkid productions wrote, and the looser ‘musical’ that the alien entity is orchestrating during its antagonism of the main character. i believe that the opener takes place after at least a partially successful domination of the populace, mostly because of the fact that the characters who participate in that song are referring to ‘themselves’ in the third person and are dancing all hunched and menacingly, exactly how the alien spore compels people to dance later on in the plot. that plus a line that i might be recalling correctly about how the main character is their final story to tell, makes me certain that this is the alien telling that story

as for the main character paul’s absence from that song, i really think thats something intended in the musical to introduce what paul is like in the most succinct way possible. the guy just did not like musicals. throughout the plot he is constantly defining himself by his lack of participation, so of course the cheekiest way to set that up is to have him not participate in the opener. i think the confusing part here is when the story actually begins, because if the opener was performed by the future infected characters, when is the line drawn to differentiate between the two musicals that are happening (starkid musical vs alien musical)? or is the whole thing a performance by the alien entity? in which case, everyone on that stage is simply acting out the story as determined by the hive mind. but to whom, if everyone’s infected? i’ll get back to that later

another thing i love about this musical is how gradually tired of paul’s shit the alien entity becomes over the course of the plot, as evidenced by the tone of the songs. it just gets worse and worse. the alien’s songs turn from sickeningly cheerful to enticing, to threatening, to evoking hopelessness, then finally to pressuring paul past his breaking point. some of the songs arent even directed at paul but the change still happens, which goes to show the alien entity’s frustration. and at the end when the infected find emma, the song is happy again. they sing that awesome reprise, a really energetic mashup in which its hard not to feel like the alien plague is unstoppable. inevitable, one might say.

speaking of the end... paul’s confrontation with the meteor (my absolute favorite scene that i would rewatch a hundred times except i dont want to get tired of it too fast) contains good information to understanding what happens afterward. paul tries to blow it up, gets distracted by the appearance of his infected acquaintances, and the longer he stays there the more infected he himself becomes, breathing in such a heavy concentration of those alien spores at the epicenter of its activity. until now, he has rejected actively being the ‘star of the show’ like the alien seems to... want him to be? idk, the point is that his character defies musical protagonist tropes despite how the plot follows him. the story is ABOUT the alien, but paul is the audience’s anchor. until he goes to blow up the meteor. at that point, the alien has him. he can barely fight back against his own body synchronizing with the other infected as they goad him into giving in, but he puts up a damn good struggle considering those impossible circumstances. still, for the first time, he participates. he sings. he hates it, but it brings out some interesting thoughts: does he hate it? did he ever? or is this just the spores talking?

but what part, exactly, does he hate? in a musical, the singing and dancing act is usually the method of delivery for whatever the character is truly feeling. it is an opportunity for the audience to connect emotionally with the person who is singing. but we dont have that with paul for almost the entire show. he doesnt participate. and he’s established in the beginning as selfish, kind of a dick, and not available to anyone (except emma who is the only person he even slightly opens up to. he tries to be more friendly somewhat with bill, i think, but even then that couldve just been to get him to snap out of it and escape the school). he said himself that people singing and dancing makes him uncomfortable. so all this is to say that, on a deeper level, i think the aspect of the singing and dancing that he hates, that he fights to resist, is the vulnerability. you can witness the madness and shame for yourself as he sings more and more, letting out his worries, unsure if his feelings are his anymore. but hey, he ends that scene with a statement reaffirming the self he walked in with (which is to say, a guy who hates musicals) and finally pulls his grenade. so its cool that he was able to resist that but. guys. if the spores didnt get him. that grenade absolutely did. he didnt even bother to throw it away from himself, he flung it down right in front of him. theres no way he didnt get blown to bloody chunks, fully intending for that to be his final act of defiance

but i think it was too late by then. he’d already breathed in so many spores, and we were shown earlier on that death is not an impediment to becoming infected. i think after he exploded, he was still absorbed into the collective and reformed as a new addition to the hive mind. his explosives might not have been enough to fully destroy the meteor. and thats why, at the very end, i believe that - despite his admittedly suspicious face journey during the song - he isnt faking it. because if he was, wouldnt the hive mind know that it doesnt contain him within it? not only that, but in the opening song emma is clearly part of the group. given that she is the only one who is undoubtedly not infected in the last song, we have to assume that she will be sometime after the finale of the musical.

and now im left with my unexplored questions: is this a musical played straight, or a ‘musical’ put on by the alien entity after it wins? and who is the ‘musical’ intended for? its fun to speculate but im not sure these are questions that can be answered by watching it a bunch of times. theyre aimed too much outside of the zone of operation, if that makes sense. its like, you cant ever look at your own eyeballs normally. you need a mirror or for someone to describe them to you. these questions exist outside of the limitations of the musical format, so we wouldnt direct them at the video, we would ask them of the creators. or not. its cool to not have all the questions answered too

ah i wrote a flippin essay, huh? i guess i wanted to prove to myself that my brain still works

[spelviin]

endgame thoughts, not because i think i have anything valuable to say abt it, more just bc i want to get my initial unsullied opinions out before various overly nitpicky or overly praisy internet thinkpieces come around

okay so. first of all, i’m tired to death of the way folks talk about the mcu. like, it’s either a godly feat of everything and the most important thing ever or the literal devil incarnate and the source of all evil in this world. i am literally so fucking bored of both these perspectives and have zero time for either of them. 

yes, the mcu is emblematic of a lot of problems in the current state of the film medium as a whole. yes, it is also a really cool feat of storytelling that a whole bunch of movies spanning a whole bunch of years could all come together and culminate in a big huge blowout finale. yes, it could have been far better, but yes, it also could have been far worse. 

i wasn’t a fan of thor being a punchline in this film. like, the whole “lol thor fat” thing was like, really tired and not cool. and the fact that his genuine moments of expressing grief and the significant trauma he’s been through were played off for laughs more often than not bc “lol thor supposed to be big many man but he’s crying like a wimpyboy instread.” like, fucking please. it’s 2019 and other male characters were allowed to be shown crying and processing their trauma but thor’s??? not allowed for some reason??? anyway they did him dirty in this movie and i’m not super pleased abt that. 

i didn’t like that they fridged natasha. i’m not a fan of scarjo so much these days, but i did like natasha. 2012 me adored her and was 100000% behind her as the Only Woman (despite being miffed that she was the Only Woman) and i really liked her character and redemption arc through the films that she appeared in. and like, i get the justification for fridging her. like i get that she was this assassin who killed a bunch of folks and in the end, not only wiped out the red in her ledger, but saved the whole damn universe in doing so. i get that. i’m just annoyed that they literally went and fridged the Only Woman to give the boys manpain before the third act. 

speaking of the ladies.... the One Scene Where Women Get To Do Things. my god. the critical feminist part of my mind greatly resented the obvious lip service of that scene, and the fact that the ladies only got the one shining moment before we got back to the sausage fest. but lord, the lesbian part of my mind hella enjoyed it. like i was legit bouncing in my seat like YESSSS FUCK EM UP LADIES i was just completely stoked. 

and my god. MY GOD CAN WE TALK ABOUT CAROL’S HAIRCUT AKA A GIFT TO THE LESBIANS. THIS MOVIE HAS MANY SINS BUT WE CAN ALL THANK IT FOR THAT HAIRCUT. (and again, feminist me is like, hey, dont focus on her appearance, focus on the important shit she did in singlehandedly turning the battle around for everyone, but lesbian lizard brain is hhhhhhhhhhhhh girl hot)

anyways. 2012 me was a month out of a major jaw surgery when i saw the first avengers, puffy faced, on heavy painkillers, and unable to eat any solid foods, and just generally weak and miserable. i dragged myself to the theatre and i smiled the whole way through that movie bc even though i was feeling super shitty, that 360 shot of the team made me so excited and happy. so happy that i watched and rewatched a bootleg download over what was probably the worst summer of my life, and it made me happy and gave me hope, dumb as that may sound. 

i havent watched the first avengers movie in a long time, and i’m not sure if i’d feel the same way seeing it now. remembering how it felt then still makes me happy, but seeing that same 360 shot repeated in endgame didnt stoke much emotion. tumblr fandom took a lot of my avengers joy away. the drama and character hate and constant complaining and cringe culture bullshit exhausted me. and the recent turns of the mcu also contributed to that. a lot of things contributed to it, i guess. but i dont feel as happy as i once did. so a lot of this movie rang a little bit hollow, needless to say. 

that being said, though, i did feel a little flicker of that joy. for all the movie’s and the franchise’s faults, of which there are many, i can say that the moment where all those portals opened up and the revived characters stepped though, i felt that happiness again. i legit almost cried when i saw shuri’s silhouette step out of that circle. that moment when the score came in with that booming version of the avengers theme, i was 2012 me again, just for a moment, and i think that’s worth something. to me, that’s worth something. so for all its sins, i thank the movie for that. 

this is rly rambly and im tired so im just gonna say 2 more things. things i’m not personally super invested in, but other people are, and so i feel i need to have an opinion on em.

first is bucky. i fucking adore him, and i am kinda miffed that he got like, no interactions with steve. i know steve/peggy is the canon ship, i knew it was always endgame (heh) and that stucky is just a fandom thing. but god damn it, even if they were never gonna have their relationship go there (which tbh i literally never even came close to expecting to happen) it still feels a little bit unfair to have steve basically ignore probably the most important person in his life. like, i know he wanted to live his happy straight life with peggy, and passing on the shield and identity of captain america to sam is super important, and i loved that moment and would never begrudge him that bc i adore sam. i was just... really sad that bucky had to get kinda shafted for that. (literally all i was saying in the last half hour was “but where’s bucky? but what about bucky?” our boy deserved better. 

second is tony. tony tony tony. i know folks have a lot of strong feelings about him, both ways. i know of folks who think he’s the scum of the earth for some dumb reason, and i personally know others who think the entire mcu should revolve around him, for equally dumb reasons. i’m more neutral. i think he’s a good character who made questionable decisions in the past. i feel for him and his struggles with PTSD. i respect him as a character in-universe and also for what he and RDJ accomplished. like, if he hadn’t hit it out of the park with that first movie like a fucking decade ago, none of this would have been possible, and i think that’s pretty damn cool, regardless of feelings on the monster juggernaut the mcu has turned into. basically, i know some folks are maliciously rejoicing at his death while complaining that he got a hero’s send-off when he is a Bad And Not Morally Pure Man, which is. boring. and other people (namely one who i know personally in my family) who are mad because he is an Angel and deserved the Best Happy Ending Because No Bad Things Are Allowed To Happen To This Perfect Boy. i’m not here for either opinion. i’m okay that he died (peter crying over him did get to me in a huge way, but i think tom holland just has a power that if he’s crying, i’m crying so idk). i think it’s cool that he got to save everyone and got a heroic and well deserved send off. this isnt a revolutionary opinion i just wanted to throw it out there bc im bored with the polarization. 

and... yeah? i think that’s it? sorry, im really tired and this probs doesn’t make sense but i just felt like i had to get the initial reactions and feelings down before the thinkpieces get to me lmao. 

oh, also nebula deserved better 2kforever i just love her a lot and want her to be happy and not suffer, kthxbye 

[weeniewrites]

OKAY ONE LAST POST BECAUSE IM ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE AT NOT TALKING

its a more serious one though, so if you dont wanna see me be more personal go ahead and skip i dont mind. im gonna ramble abt the shame i feel with having sadistic thoughts and fears of sexual agency, and kinda, sex in general, maybe some self destructive behaviors? kinda honestly putting my soul out there. its a bit of a vent post. im not having a bad night or anything, just thinking a lot, and want to get those thoughts out of my head

i, really outta do some research on actual sadism or just, see other people who have similar thoughts cause ill admit i feel a lot of guilt about it. like id never, ever, EVER want to hurt another person, and the idea of even spanking someone consensually is very scary to me

but this isnt a new thing for me, some of the first things i found arousing as a kid involved pain. i was fascinated by inuyashas blood covered hands, and rewatched part of a youtube letsplay over and over and over again just to hear the noise link made when he got injured again. same with part of that animated 2ne1 music video where the villain grimaces when his car gets hit. these are really vivid memories for me so like, i know this isnt some suddenly new thing for me. (im also repulsed by gore but can also find it beautiful in art, and writing violent stuff is therapeutic for me but can be REALLY triggering if im reading it)

and i dont know if that sorta, anti kink purity culture thing the internets been moving towards has contributed? to that shame i feel, or if thats just my empathy acting up. because i really do care strongly for people, basically every person i ever meet. and i, sort? of understand the appeal of masochism myself, and i definitely understand the appeal of domming. but i dont understand how to control a scene, how to start up a scene, how to monitor the subs mental state, how to even take that control in the first place because even imagining doing that scares me so, so fucking badly

so i write noncon dom stuff, so i dont have to figure out how to get them there, or how to keep them safe, and i get to satisfy that deep hidden desire to scratch and claw and smile and laugh at someone shaking and crying in fear. or if its soft, just taking care of them and loving them and being loved and needed i can imagine companionship in the only way i understand how, through sex. ive had very few long lasting close friendships, ive never had a crush, and honestly im not, sure? i enjoy sex? like i like being touched but once i have to do it back i get really scared (unless we take things really slow, but im also very inexperienced). i just like being desired, or honestly getting touch of any kind and thats the only way i know how to ask for it

and i kinda, only realized that fear recently. i dont think i had it when i was 18 and I was just starting to interact with people online. but back then i wouldve never dreamed of flirting with anyone either. (had that fuckin trauma BOY HOWDY)

um, to bring this around to what brought these thoughts out, a while ago i was flirting with a friend, we just did that for fun absolutely no sexual or romantic intentions involved. and they told me about how sore they were and i responded back with a grin and giggle and a growl and a laugh and said all the different ways id love to bend and prod them to make it worse because, well, I’m a sadist. and they liked it. i got dizzy with how much i enjoyed that teasing. i literally started slurring my words and had to stop because i couldnt talk anymore, just drool and lay in a warm fuzzy heap of satisfied feelings.

and then afterwards we talked for a bit and as i calmed down and came back to myself i just, i felt like i was going to burst out of my skin, shakey and unsteady, head buzzing, nearly obsessive with the need to tell them i’d never hurt them and make sure i hadnt. so i told them. tried to keep control of myself but i cried. i was near fucking inconsolable. i was terrified i made them uncomfortable, went too far though everything was consensual and it was just flirting, not even explicit! teasing at the maximum! we’d said far spicier things before! they knew i’d never hurt them never want to hurt them never dream of hurting them. and i still cried. i felt wrong. i felt mean i felt horrible, and i’d enjoyed it

and im still a sadist, i find specific kinds of pain arousing, i dont like scarring or blood, preferring discomfort over all, and occasionally i write much much darker content that i dont find sexually appealing, but helps me get out my anger and other emotions i dont know how to process otherwise, and sometimes its just, fun? i know i dont want to hurt people, and i know these things are helpful for me, but i still feel shame

honestly a lot of the kinks or fetishes i used to like, im not sure if i do anymore, either because i just, dont, or ive realized theyre not as acceptable as i once thought, or theyre just not as common online anymore. and i dont feel comfortable sharing them, whether out of fear of rejection, or of making someone else uncomfortable. considering some of the stuff i enjoy imagining or writing i cant read myself. thats, kindof a weird contrast isnt it? (but that might also be because when i was younger, much younger, id read very dark fics, or angst, or look at gore, animal death, death and the nearly dying, as a form of self harm, purposefully seeking out what i knew would trigger me just to keep me dissociating for as long as possible so i wouldnt have to feel, and i’ll admit this is still a mild problem for me, but ive gotten leagues, leagues LEAGUES better. and i try very hard to heed warnings, because i know no one would want me to do that with their works)

cant i just have fun, do i have to have all these shames and memories to go along with this kind of stuff. whyd i find it when i was younger. why do i so closely associate porn and sex with pain when ive never really stopped consuming it. why cant i admit i just want to be held and told im important and enough instead of imagining getting dicked down by men who i both wouldnt be attracted to irl and be scared of

[meanderfall]

I haven't seen many people talk about it, but Temple was right, the Reds & Blues *do* treat Caboose with kid gloves. They see him as stupid and sometimes annoying, but ultimately harmless and sweet and childlike (most of the fans do too, as did the last two writers). Alpha was really the only person who ever treated him like an adult (he still found him annoying, but tbh I think a lot of that was just bluster), who acknowledged that he was capable and *dangerous*. Maybe Tex did too, but [1/3]

[2/3] they didn't have many on screen interactions.And at first Wash did, but after Alpha died no one did. Which I think wasactually on purpose in regards to Epsilon? Because even though Epsilonacknowledges Caboose's strength at the end of Season 10, he still treatsCaboose like the others do. Whereas Alpha was *always* aware of how destructiveCaboose could and would be, to the point where he'd hide behind him in diceysituations because he didn't want to get caught in Caboose's crossfire.

[3/3] I also thinkit's a little interesting that Temple was supposed to analogous to Alpha(although how tf did the Director know that Alpha would be enough like Templeto make the stalemate work again? Also the stalemate only really worked in thefirst place because Temple and Biff were friends so?? But I digress!), and hadalso been the only one since Alpha died to acknowledge that Caboose was anadult, and even though he was cruel about it he still treated Caboose like hedid everyone else.

Hello, Anon! It was so nice to see this in my inbox omg, and I’m sorry this took so long, life has been hectic and stressful! Not to mention, I wanted to take the time to ponder about this, and lol I’m definitely going to be rambling a lot woops.

You’re absolutely right, anon. We, the fans, and the writers and even the BGC tend to baby Caboose a lot. Mostly, at least in my case, because he tends to exude innocence and naivety and you just wanna protect him as much as possible from the real world. But just because he does seem innocent and naive, it doesn’t mean he’s a kid. Alpha was probably the one who treated him the most as an equal, though that’s probably mostly because he’s an asshole to everyone. (Though maybe not?? Remember that RVB 360 video with Church doing the Dad Knee to Junior and talking to him?? Maybe he does know the difference between how to treat a kid and an adult. Won’t stop him from complaining about the kid around said kid though lol.)

I’m not going to lie, anon, these asks gave me some kind of existential crisis as I tried to figure out what exactly is the difference between a kid and an adult, besides ages, and how we’re supposed to treat them, (because it seemed like part the argument that you were implying about how Caboose is an adult and doesn’t need to be treated like a child was that he’s dangerous, and that didn’t sit well with me tbh so here I am over-analyzing a simple ask yet again lmao im sorry if i was wrong or misinterpreted).

Anyway, I’m pretty sure the difference has do with cognitive development. Kids’ thought processes are pretty simple, and this is especially clear from their idea of morality. I’ve heard my younger siblings exclaim so many times that something was unfair, and y’know sometimes they were right, but other times they weren’t taking into consideration other circumstances that made it so the situation was fair. Not to mention, that they’re selfish, through no fault of their own. So far, in their minds, they can’t really manage to consider other people’s point of view, and unless they’re taught differently and actually make the effort, that won’t change. And that’s where the difference between how adults are supposed to treat kids and other adults comes in. Adults, esp their guardians, are supposed to help them grow. They are there to encourage more complex thought processes and and help them walk through the logic if necessary. And they are there to offer advice bc adults have so much more life experience then kids do.

Caboose isn’t really like a kid at all. A lot of people might mistake the things he says as him being simple-minded but really, he just sees things differently from others and processes it differently. And that of course, seems weird and probably child-like to the others because by now they’re so used to how ‘normal’ adult minds work. And like, there are so many examples of posts on this site of adults or teenagers being surprised or caught off-guard by something a kid said or did, so I guess when the BGC encountered Caboose and had that happen to them, they kind of went Caboose = child.

Not to mention, Caboose is easily one of the most caring and empathetic characters on the show??? He loves his friends so much, esp Church, and would do anything for them. (Good examples of Caboose having complex thought processes and empathy: his speech to Tucker in s12 about how he shouldn’t be mad at Church, that episode of s14 ‘Caboose’s Guide to Making Friends’ or whatever it was called, s8 in general when he kept wanting to help Epsilon esp the end of s8. ‘But they’ll die!’ he says. He is completely aware of the possible consequences of what’s happening. He isn’t dumb.)

Anyway, back to the rest of the asks! About them treating Caboose with kid’s gloves.... I waffle between saying you’re absolutely right and going “Weeeellll....”. Because Temple says that right before he reveals that Church really is truly dead and Tucker is trying to stop him from saying it. And you’re right. Caboose shouldn’t have that hidden from him. He’s fully capable of hearing the truth and starting to process the grief. But the thing is, isn’t that what he was already doing in the beginning of s15? Before Temple sent them that corrupted message and gave him hope again? (Not to mention, in the grand scheme of things it probably isn’t that weird to thing Church could’ve honestly come back, he’s died and come back so many times.) And, as a friend, wouldn’t you want to do anything to protect your friend from getting hurt or from grief? Especially when the news is coming from your enemy? Of course Tucker wanted to stop Temple from revealing the truth like that. And it kind of happened in a tense moment. And Tucker hadn’t really been at his best emotionally all season (which believe me, I’m kind of displeased with :/    s15 Tucker is not my Tucker.) (The Blood Gulch Chronicles was probably the best in terms of Tucker treating Caboose like an equal. They definitely had sibling bond there, annoying each other and trying to get Dad’s Church’s attention XD)

I think Wash is pretty good about Caboose though. I still remember that s11 speech when he validated Caboose’s feelings of loss and asked for forgiveness for not being a better leader when he really needed him. I’d probably need to re-watch the seasons for myself in order to really confirm if they treat him like a child constantly that can’t comprehend what’s happening. It’s hard to tell for sure, because the writers kind of fuck that up from time to time, making Caboose seem dumber and the others reacting more harshly to it. Though where do we draw the line of them baby-ing him and caring for him? Like when Sarge let’s Caboose push the button in s3 and calls him a ‘litle rascal’ (i think?), is Sarge treating him like a kid there or just engaging in his enthusiasm? Or in s7 and s8 whenever they leave Caboose behind out of the fights, are they doing it to stop him from accidentally hurting others or because they genuinely think he’d be useless in the fight? Whenever they decide not to explain something to him, are they doing it because they think it’s a waste of time to explain something Caboose won’t understand anyway? (Personally, whenever Caboose misunderstands what someone explained to him, I think it has to do with a lack of concentration than just not being able to comprehend what they’re telling him. He probably has a tendency to drift. And he can concentrate when it’s important, so I think he’s okay) There are probably more examples, but I can’t think of more, I really do need to do a rewatch goddamn.

One last thing! About how Temple is analogous to Church and the stalemate. Correct me if I’m wrong (and I might seriously be, I watched s15 with friends, so I probably missed a good quarter of information), but isn’t the similarities between the two groups completely coincidental? Because Alpha wasn’t implanted and put into Blood Gulch until after Project Freelancer was destroyed, and Temple and the others were in an simulation outpost while Freelancer was still running, evidenced by Carolina and Tex showing up. And I don’t think it would be too hard for them to purposefully create a stalemate? The Counselor probably evaluated them and interviewed them, and learnt that Temple and Bif were friends, and just created the teams in such a way that they would either more or less take charge of their respective teams or be too lazy to fight, creating a stalemate between the two. Also I’m pretty sure Florida created the Blood Gulch teams on his own??? so it really is a coincidence. A freak-ish one for sure, and obviously kind of contrived because it was for plot, but it isn’t that bad.

Also, totally jumping off that one tiny thing you said about how Temple and Alpha were the ones to treat Caboose like an adult. First, I’m about 99% sure the reason why that’s the case if because they’re both huge assholes omg nothing will stop them from treating you like a dumbass. And, this is totally a more personal thought process that I’m just shoving at you, even though me and my friend spent most of our watch saying things like “Alpha would never do that!”, looking back on it, I think Alpha would. Keep in mind, Alpha was an AI created by Leonard Church. A man that when his wife died and he had been powerless to stop it, started torturing his own mind in the hope’s of one day creating an AI of his wife, and performing psychological experiments with the people under his command, who he is supposed to guide and train, and on his own daughter. If there had been a clear cause for what had happened, like in the case of Bif’s death, he probably would’ve gone absolutely insane in his quest for vengeance, like Temple did. And Alpha would’ve done the same, at least, probably before he had been tortured and fragmented. Afterwards, he didn’t really have much emotions or energy to bother with vengeance plots.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my inbox! I hope you enjoyed this read through lmao, though it’s probably filled with stuff you already know and understand! Also looking back on it, I realize I’m all over the place about whether the BGC treat Caboose like a kid woops. I might do a rewatch just for this lol.