#this is really long so its under a readmore to be less annoying

[halorocks1214]

okay so i just steamrolled thru detective pikachu returns over the past 2 days because i was sick and had nothing else better to do and right after finishing it i went into the tags and WOWIE the negative reception is very large!! i do understand and even agree with some of it but i just felt the need to get my own thoughts down (again. sick with nothing better to do) so take a peek under readmore for very typical elongated halo ramblings about his fave video game series

for the record i never played the first game (only watched a few clips of it on youtube even) but i did go see the movie in theaters. just figured i'd mention this ahead of time so my favoritism is known and to prevent myself from coming off as a perfectly unbiased reviewer

BEWARE THE SPOILERS BTW

(post-editing note: it be long under here, you have been warned)

to start off YEAG this game is not worth 50 bucks! the story's pacing is all over the place and is very basic, the graphics are not particularly well refined, the characters' expressions do not fluctuate as much as they should (professor gordon in particular ;-; i felt so bad for him), and the voice acting outside of merloch and detective pikachu himself are kinda phoned in! it felt like an early 2000s 4kids dub for real. even the gameplay aspects themselves were rather meh in presentation; the button hitboxes were annoying to deal with and as cool as i thought the "main" mechanics were they were incredibly clunky and the tension they tried to build up in the "solving the case" climaxes was just Not It. there was absolutely no reason for the loading/pauses to take that long

(the pokemon gimmicks were okay tho. i would die for growlithe)

however, this isn't a problem specific to this game. while i enjoyed scarlet it was definitely not 60 bucks material (and when i went back to it for the teal mask i even went "good lord, did it always run this badly?"). i gotta give credit to detective pikachu, at least this game ran properly for the most part and never crashed on me lmao

while that doesn't negate the criticisms i previously mentioned i simply wanted to say that this is going to be a problem for as long as pokemon keeps making money. this isn't me finger-wagging at anyone in particular (i certainly have no room to talk, i did say i liked scarlet), i just wanted to say: yeah, pokemon has been A Mess

"but halo!" you cry. "you talked like the negative reception was overblown! what gives the giant negative paragraph??"

because much like scarlet, i still really enjoyed this game sdfjnsdk. how can i say that with confidence, though, when i largely agree that there were many, many issues to be had with its performance?

the word of the day: expectations

and perhaps this is where my bias comes into it. whenever i play a spinoff game (like snap or pokepark for instance), i don't really go into it for mindblowing gameplay and stories, i do it for the same reason this series has kept me enraptured for over a decade of my life:

the pokemon themselves!!

there are SO MANY little things that the regular games don't go into, and while i have my own headcanons and OCs i can play off of, it is so much fun to see actual canon material acknowledge certain things you've only ever theorized about!!

the whimsicott were so fun to watch float around, the article asking where a furret's tail began and ended made me laugh out loud, the fact that they went hard into the "slowpoke tails are eaten as food" thing, and the "let's not get into that right now" jokes about venonat hunting other pokemon and dusknoir eating souls LIKE. i LOVE when pokemon goes into its more "serious" aspects. i know main series games do it too occasionally but outside of offhanded mentions or pokedex entries, do they go this hard into them? if they do and i'm just stupid pls tell me about it i'll eat that shit up

being reminded of less-talked-about pokemon is always a plus and how can you not pop off when you see one of your faves included in the story? (INTELEON AND WOOPER I'LL KICK THEIR ASSES 4 U) it's simply fun immersing yourself into the world of pokemon and getting a glimpse of what it would be like to have pokemon walking down the street and how that affects everyday life! maybe the story is basic, but it served its purpose and i had fun going along with it!

perhaps it's just my mental illness talking, but walking around and seeing all the pokemon and THEN doing the quiz girl's quizzes was actually kinda nice! even if the puzzles weren't that hard, i can't lie and say i didn't pump my fist when i guessed where the mystery was going like with cramorant swallowing the jewel or how the passimian statues needed to hold different berries. overall, i just enjoyed being reminded of how much i know and what i love about this series

also, the ways they incorporated the movie were pretty baller. i liked how they didn't just do a repeat of the mewtwo plot from the movie and let me tell you, even tho i called it early on, i liked that my suspicions about the aurora drop being deoxys were confirmed!! (i suppose it's not that hard to guess bcs what other pokemon comes from space, but i just recently finished playing omega ruby again and i normally don't think about deoxys a lot so LET ME HAVE THIS)

plus "i heard they made a movie about the R case" MADE ME SCREAM. i thought they were just going to ignore the movie and do their own thing but then they DID THAT. incredible. you can call my expectations low (which is valid) but holy fuck

so the TLDR for those who want this: if you want a sweet but cliche game exploring the world of pokemon with a lot of funny moments + worldbuilding, then this game is perfect for you. if you want a game with a groundbreaking story with graphics to boot, then yeah, you're not gonna find it here. i've even seen people say their own nostalgia of the original spinoff wasn't enough to get them to enjoy this game, so take my words with a grain of salt

i would say just watch compilations of the game on youtube, but not every youtuber is gonna go fully exploring the game for all of its little details, so if you care about that kind of stuff, buying the game is your best bet. also if you don't care about that kind of stuff then you should just ignore the game altogether etc etc anYwAY

as for a TLDR for the TLDR: new pokemon snap is goated and i would say a more enjoyable experience than this game esp if you didn't like it so PLEASE buy it the game's only 30 bucks and you can throw treats at pokemon PLEASE it has so many sidequests and interactions you can partake in PLEASE i prommy i won't bite PLEASE stick your fingers in my enclosure PLEASE PLEASE PLE

[thedevilsrain]

i started writing this on the tags of that last post but it got too long so i'm. going to put it here lol

out of all the messy implications of eroica (in terms of its' handling of sexuality, politics, religion and even history itself). i honestly think the major's dad and steamroller dick (not even his name is able to save him) are the worst additions to the story

dick is supposed to be this parody of the CIA, he's paranoid, impulsive, reckless and aggressive -- especially the latter, the namesake of his nickname pretty much. he always jumps to violence and won't even trust his ally in NATO

it's especially curious to look at him after reading aoike's "code name: merely jordan" comic, in which she talks about the origin of eberbach, considering he was a pretty distinct character for a shoujo manga (an adult man who "speaks like an old man" (characteristics in japanese which r unfortunately lost in english), a man in the military etc), and mentions how she didn't want a CIA character because of their bad reputation after watergate

which is to say, steamroller dick is supposed to be, in a way, the opposite of eberbach. or, at the very least, he's supposed to be a comparison to him -- the "aggressive" CIA agent against the "cool" and "level-headed" NATO agent, who doesn't give into aggressiveness unless he's deliberately being pushed, which is only the case because of dorian (which is important to note for me -- i always find that the less dorian is in these stories the more boring they become, because eberbach really has no charisma of his own, he's a completely cold man)

but steamroller becomes kind of obsolete when you remember that, in the end, eberbach is just as paranoid, aggressive, impulsive and, let me just say it, a fucking asshole as him, from tying up dorian in a room full of statues in the dark after he was pretty much traumatized due to one, to calling a woman a "godzilla", and his overall treatment of his workers, which is a post for another day

in the end, he isn't any different form steamroller dick -- they threaten each other, they're after the same man for a dick measuring context between intel agencies, and who treats dorian like shit. you can even draw a parallel between the above panel and this!

interesting to note, though -- eberbach's aggressiveness, impulsiveness, and his mistreatment of dorian are all, to a point, the reason we like him. it's funny to see him be pissed off, it's thrilling to see him act on impulsive to save (or kill) somebody, and it's fun watching dorian tease him and him get pissed off. the difference here, however, is that once he's shown to be "better" than somebody, instead of a flawed character that we can enjoy, is when i think his characterization becomes the weakest, which i think is the case with not just this arc (emperor waltz), but every story after it. dorian becomes just an annoying guy who pisses the major -- the better one, the hero -- off, so it feels like every time he's a huge asshole to anybody, which is all the time, becomes justified

and the major's dad... i'll put this under a readmore, because it gets too dark (warning for mentions of child abuse)

right from the start, at the mention of his... rank and duty. as a soldier. in WW2, his entire existence becomes an uncomfortable addendum to not just the major's family's past, but the story in general

the second time we ever see him (and the only where we see his face) is in "vacation orders", when he's talking to a eberbach as a child, who literally answers by calling him "sir"

and it's a moment where you think, okay, his father was in.... the military, he's bound to be strict with his son, but the implications becomes ten times worse once one of klaus' classmates talk about how he could fight, and says his father "taught him". it becomes even worse in the CMX translation, where the translators literally say he "beat him into it"

and then, again, it just becomes a mess. why was this adult man teaching his seven year old how to fight? or better, why did this seven year old learn to fight because of his dad?

but that is all we see from klaus' dad's influence on his childhood -- every time he shows up next, it's when he calls the major on the phone, and each time eberbach seems not just startled by it, but changes his demeanor completely

and, these are played as jokes. and i'm not going to lie and say i didn't find these scenes funny, because they are! eberbach is always serious and demanding to every person around him, and seeing him suddenly submit (for the lack of a better word) is funny

however, the implications, again, become uncomfortable when you take into the picture what's shown about his childhood. almost cruel, in a way, especially when you hear how eberbach absolutely despises his dad, being around him, calling him, and wishes he would stay in switzerland (interesting place to put an ex german soldier in, but ok), and will insult him behind his back

in the end, i feel eberbach's dad should have been the footest of footnotes into the story, or not a character at all -- the first as in, i wish he only appeared for these funny call moments, and the second because, again. ex ww2 soldier. and frankly even when i get to these scenes where eberbach calls him, it ends up giving me a weird feeling afterwards, like i'm laughing at a man's misery, but that misery is just, like, bottled up trauma and repressed rage.

[skeleton-in-a-hoodie]

Thinking about DDMG Raph and Splinter's relationship.

Under a readmore cause long

Their relationship starts out rocky. Part of it is Raph doesn't trust anyone who isn't his brothers, and Splinter not being able to share much information about himself does not help.

These two are also really similar (I will die on the hill that 2012 Raph took after Splinter, whilst Leo is more like how Saki was before everything went to hell/ if Saki was somewhat less of a thundering asshole) and that results in them butting heads the more time they spend around each other. They're both snarky with dry senses of humour, have a temper and love fighting. They're also both stubborn as mules, and telling them not to do something makes them more likely to do it. Both are romantics, who try to be realistic about things (see Splinter with DDMG Shen, Raph with Mona.)

There's other things at play there too. Raph has always had the unofficial job of protecting his bothers, usually by throwing himself in the firing line and taking the heavy hits in their place, but now the world is so much bigger than Raph ever thought it could be. There are monsters he can't hope to defeat, but Splinter can and Raph can feel his place in their family becoming unstable. Raph doesn't know who he is if not the one who protects his brothers, and he doesn't understand why they'd want him around if he can't do something for them.

Splinter meanwhile is not going to start fighting with an 11 year old. He's a grown man, and that's a struggling child, so even if him and Raph butt heads, he's going to be as compassionate and gentle with the kid as he can. He's old enough and has enough experience to know Raph is lashing out, though Splinter doesn't know the exact reasons why.

Which just freaks Raph out more, because surely his brothers will prefer the much calmer ghost to their brother who struggles to control his own temper. Raph has grown up being called a problem child and a nuisance, he's heard people say his brothers would have been adopted by now if it weren't for him. It's not true, but there's only so many times a child can hear stuff like that before they start to believe it, even if they consciously know it's wrong.

Things do get better between him and Splinter. They come to an understanding, Raph realises he's not being replaced, and Splinter figures out what's eating at Raph and so is able to address it.

Outside of Mikey, Raph calls Splinter father the most. Raph is a really affectionate kid, it's just it takes a while for him to decide if someone is worth the effort or not. But once he decides someone is one of his people, he's keeping them. That's his rat dad, he does not care about what other people think. (This is one of the things that convinces Mr Silver that Splinter and the boys are a good fit. Raph doesn't let just anyone in.)

I think realising Splinter is also an angry person helps Raph, because he gets a role model who has the same problems as him and can help him work through it. The water over stone conversation still happens, or at least a version of it, and they work on how Raph can deal with his emotions without throat punching that annoying asshole.

(I KNOW IT IS TEMPTING, BUT IT WILL CAUSE MORE PROBLEMS THAN IT SOLVES.

"Says the guy who punched Bradford."

... TOUCHE.)

Usually when Raph has had a rough day at school, he just has to ask Splinter to spar with him, and they'll go outside and fight for a bit until Raph feels better, and then they'll talk about it. Sometimes 'talk about it' just means Raph screams into the dirt, then rolls over, jumps to his feet and gets a snack.

Splinter also gradually realises that his own anger is not a bad thing. Whilst anger left unchecked can become self-destructive, anger isn't a bad thing on its own. A lot of emotions can become toxic and destructive, and having a 'bad' emotion doesn't mean you're a bad person. It's what you do with it that matters. It's something he and Raph learn from each other, and it starts to heal some old wounds Splinter didn't know he had.

[Redacted] was not a bad child because he was angry. He was simply a child who, like Raph, was struggling and needed help and didn't get it.

Sometimes, when either of them is annoyed about something, they'll text the other something along the lines of "Can I rant at you for a bit?" Raph does it more often than Splinter, because often the stuff that drives Splinter up the wall is official head ghost business that he doesn't feel comfortable sharing with his child, so he discusses that with his adult friends instead (this Splinter has other adults he talks to regularly, because 12 Splinter having no one makes me sad and i think explains a lot of his questionable decision making).

They do have their differences though, because even if they're similar, they're not the same person. Splinter is more prone to severe bouts of depression and self loathing, and struggles to look after himself. His anger tends to point more inward, and that's not a good thing. Raph's anger is all over the place, and his opinion of himself tends to stay uniformly terrible with no major dips. Both gradually get better, but it's a tough journey and has more than a few setbacks.

Splinter sometimes hesitates to act, because he's aware his own impulse control is non-existent and it's caused problems in the past, plus he doesn't want to stifle his boys' independence; Raph will act without thinking and then overanalysing his actions and feeling bad about minor things.

Raph also likes King Kong more than Godzilla, and they had to agree to disagree on the matter. Very much a "I love him, but he's wrong." (Godzilla vs Kong caused so many arguments between these two.)

[mmpi-3]

now that im in my small beautiful world i am going to explain my mechanisms of kinning ichimatsu and being a predetermined jester. how theyre interconnected. its a long post so ill put it under a readmore

So, to start, lets talk about multi-dimensions, universes, instances, or multiple timelines. I kind of use them interchangeably, they mean similar things. Space, time, and dimesnionality is almost on an x y z axis. . . Its like points on a 3d graph that can move about. This I am still learning about, as I have to do more research into the connection of time and space with universes.

There is a universe for every possibility, but they've already all been played out or predetermined to act in that way? Every timeline is its own universe or dimension. Every action in said universe or dimension is already played out, think kind of like simulations (though I hate that word...) So in technicality there are all different possibilities, but your choice of the possibility has already been ran through, and is predetermined in this instance. Everyone has a predetermined fate, decisions, and role by the runners of these, and its usually an illusion of choice. Do you see the predetermined fate now?

Now lets talk about "jesters" and "leaders." These are essentially code words I have come up with for the main roles I have seen in these universes.

There are jesters, for example me, who are put on these planets or places in these universes and timelines specifically for entertainment of the gods. Our fates are predetermined to live a life of suffering. We may have moments of happiness or peace, but these are temporary meant to make the suffering worse, and thus, more entertaining. This is why its really annoying to hear people say "It gets better." or "It will be okay in the end." I am not the only jester out there, and I believe I may have some specialty being able to sniff out jesters and leaders.

Jesters have a predetermined fate of suffering. It was coded the moment our instance was created. And being predetermined to live a life of suffering. Recently I've come to the breakthrough of trying to prolong the happy moments as long as possible through coping and mental mechanisms, so that the gods get less entertainment out of me. Its all predetermined to happen this way so its like an illusion of choice but whatever. So there is a positive.

What is a leader? A leader is someone who aids the gods, intentionally and aware or not, in the hurting or herding of jesters. These people I do not have as much information on as its just been observations of leaders and what they do. They are the abusers, the doctors, the people in higher places of power institutionally, etc. Or even just people who do not try to play into the system but are better off.

Sometimes I say jesterleader. This is because I cannot determine someones role, they are special and have switched or transversed roles, or are very close in aiding the gods in their quest of harming jesters.

THIS IS NOT TO SAY LEADERS CANNOT HAVE HAD HARM OR ROUGH WATERS IN THEIR LIFE BEFORE. IN FACT, MANY LEADERS HAVE BEEN HURT BY OTHERS IN THEIR LIFE. THe difference is jesters have a specific, divinely intervention, repeated history of harm of which they cannot escape in their life.

All of this I have been slowly learning since my thought of the world ending in 2020 by the gods (specifically lain, of the wired,) something I was mistaken in. The world is not ending any time soon I've learned very well. Not when there's more jesters to laugh at.

Something I'm wondering is if some jesters like me are protected by the gods from death until old age for our especially funny 'jesterquest.'

Now you're wondering, what does this all have to do with kinning Ichimatsu? What the fuck kind of deranged rant am I reading? Mine, bitch.

I can't effect other peoples universes, its all played out already in its own way. But there are multiple "mes" out there that have played out in the past/present/future. I say past/present/future as the 'simulated universes' are being played out in every time, and in every space. Hence why X Y Z axis that the points move about on.

The multiple "mes" of these other timelines are all Ichimatsu. There is no way around this, as me being him is directly tied to my jesterquest through the instances. I have been him in the past, I have been/will be him in the present, and I am him now. This is why I say I am him in EVERY TIMELINE. You bitches dont even kin like I do. So if you want the best idea of what its like to be me, watch Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse. It freaked me out a bit of how spot on it was with the multi timeline self with predetermined fate.

If you made it this far, congrats, thank you for reading, and here's me basically typing this shit out.

[sobredunia]

how do your ocs feel about birthdays? could be their own, could be others, could be in general, i dont really know them but i think its a fun question

Very interesting question! I can probably guess that this post will get long real fast so imma put it under a readmore

(all ocs used are from kenikari, i won't get into stuff like parents or siblings that don't appear or friends or whatnot. just The Gang)

Lare likes birthdays! it's a good excuse to show to your friends how much you care about them and make them happy, and the parties are fun. when it comes to celebrating her own bday, at first she just hanged out with her only real friend. with her parents inviting them over to eat cake and have fun, but after Stuff happened, it was just her and her parents going out to do stuff like bowling or laser tag

Uzomi loves to celebrate her friend's birthdays!! she loves hanging out with them and giving them presents and playing and all the fanfare. she especially loves celebrating her brother's birthday :D every year she always tries her best to make sure it's better than the last, giving him tons of presents and planning whole days of fun stuff to do. this year, though she's been planning to finally buy him one singular bday gift she had been saving up for for a long time

We don't talk about Uzomi's own birthday

Murasaki is indifferent/negative on bdays. he thinks they're annoying wastes of time that are just loud and disruptive and stupid. who cares that you're older? no one. he hasn't gone to any birthday parties of any classmates/friends and he hasn't had a party himself since he was very very young. he'd probably short-circuit if anyone remembered when his bday was, let alone buying him something. he hasnt received a single gift in a long time

Detah doesn't fully understand the concept, but it's cool, i guess. he doesn't even know when his bday is. he's 100% convinced he just spawned in the world

Bee doesnt remember what birthdays are lol. but if she ever got told she'd think it's cool. just an excuse to celebrate something and be happy and give stuff to ur friends :D. she doesnt remember when her bday is so. yeah

Mako hasn't been to a birthday party in a long time. She kinda remembers going to one or two with some classmates and having fun and watching kids open gifts, but that's about it. she does celebrate her own bday with her mom tho, and even though they've never been able to afford a grand party, she always feels like the specialest and most loved girl in the world

Alex hasn't been to those typical crowded parties with a bunch of kids, so he'd probably have anxiety through the roof if he ever got invited to one of those. His first few years his moms didnt really bother celebrating anything, but after they begun to be slightly more okay with his existence, they started to do some little things. the maid of the house has always told him "happy birthday" when the date came though

Chuyo has had the more typical parties throughout his life, both to himself and his friends. his mom never gave him anything, but at least his dad always bought him a little something, like a keychain or a bouncy ball. it's the thought that counts, he's always told himself. as he's been growing up, though, the parties got less and less grand, with him getting less gifts and being invited to less parties

Mastermind fucking loves birthdays because it's the perfect excuse to hang out with friends. she stays inside a lot. she's always preferred the ones with smaller groups of people, too, and she loves celebrating her own bday and getting gifts

[hideyseek]

11.27.2022

ITS DONE AHAHAHAA GOD ITS DONE!!

the NUMBER OF TIMES i had to stop and set my laptop down during this writing session just to tell myself OF COURSE THE READING EXPERIENCE IS JUST OKAY. OF COURSE THERE IS NO PACING AND TENSION. THE STORY DOESNT FUCKING EXIST YET and i simply DO NOT HAVE THE SKILLS TO WEAVE IN PACING AND TENSION WHEN I AM DOING A ROUGH DRAFT which is a NORMAL FUCKING EXPERIENCE TO HAVE JESUS CHRIST. LOL!

ok putting the rest under a readmore bc it suddenly occurs to me that these are really fucking long lol sorry guys

WHEW i will say the main thing i learned from this experience is that word count really doesn’t do it for me. having a roughly 250 wordcount expectation each time i sit down is helpful, but reaching a total wordcount is not nearly as much a feeling of accomplishment for me as i expected / as i think “drafting a full arc” might be. but also!!! it is NOT BAD to gently train myself to recognize and accept markers of progress that are not just “a completed and perfect longfic” bc hello i would only get one milestone at the end and would that sustain me? no!!!!!!! lol i accept that i must constantly fight my brain’s tendency toward perfectionism in every aspect of my life but god its annoying in this one

but it’s DONE and somehow with 150 words to go i suddenly sat down and drafted two full scenes??? well. whatever it’ll be useful. i’m remembering why the birthday party scene isn’t part of the first draft and it is because oh my god i sure do try to shove five or six different plot-relevant scenes into the span of what is probably a two hour event lol. WHATEVER IT IS FINE. I WILL MOVE THEM AROUND TO A LESS INSANE ORGANIZATION IN REVISIONS. WHICH I AM NOT AT YET. BC I AM DRAFTING. GOD.

but yeah if i could just GENTLY ENCOURAGE MYSELF TO ACCEPT that the first draft WILL BE ALL OVER THE PLACE PACING-WISE EVEN THOUGH I AM WORKING WITH A PRETTY DETAILED OUTLINE because IT IS A FIRST FUCKING DRAFT AND IT IS ACCOMPLISHING WHAT THE FIRST DRAFT NEEDS TO DO WHICH IS GODDAMN EXIST ONLY. anything else like characterization or coming up with a plot point or figuring out beats of a character arc or identifying a location for something IS ALL FUCKING BONUSES!!! hidey its BONUSES!!!!

godddddddddddddddd. anyway this is like. completely stream of consciousness this is just how i fucking think btw if u were curious. possibly this is also what the experience of talking to me is like but i wouldnt know

ANYWAY this has been exciting. i was kinda fucking going through it irl this month so only ended up writing maybe half the days? but it’s really encouraging to still have hit my wordcount goal and even if i don’t remember anything i wrote, at least to know the writing exists! i can’t revise nothing after all!!!

ok i am CLOSING THE DOC bc i am FORBIDDEN FROM FUCKING WITH IT but i DID read TWO SENTENCES that seemed like genuinely interesting and functional sentences that conveyed events happening! hurrah! what the fuck is even metrics for good writing? who KNOWS! ok no more looking at the doc however i CAN OPEN A NEW DOC for DECEMBER DRAFTING MATERIAL bc this month by month thing seems GENUINELY DOABLE!!!! GENUINELY SO.

WOW what a relief to have figured this out! of course it might not last which is totally fine but like FOR NOW IT SEEMS DOABLE. AND THEN WE WILL SEE!!!

i definitely leaned a lot into just uh, supplying haiji my direct internal dialogue for several of the scenes from today. what is a scene who FUCKING KNOWS i am just calling it a scene WHO KNOWS OK WHATEVER. french scenes if its a new guy its a new scene WHO KNOWS ok! and i definitely have been leaning A LOT into “telling so goddamn much about haiji’s internal state rather than just showing it” bc i have NO IDEA HOW TO FIGURE OUT THAT BALANCE. how is the reader experiencing it i wonder!! IDK BUT I WILL JUST WAIT AND READ IT OVER AND THAT WILL SOLVE MY PROBLEM GRRR genuinely this advice helpfully stops my brain in its tracks so consistently

ok!!!! yes! its done!!! it is done! i will worry about pacing and foreshadowing and consistent motifs and metaphors and imagery and canonical characterization and ALL THAT STUFF LATER which is NORMAL AND FINE bc those are THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT IN REVISION ANYWAY. first draft just needs to EXIST!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT KIND OF DOES!!

i do think i will want to do a few more things: set up a longer doc to collect all this draft material in order as i create it month by month (reminding myself the goal is semi-consistency and NOT setting a really high bar i cannot meet! 7k mercifully seems to have been a good estimate and yes my brain does want to be a stupid gremlin and say i should shoot for 10k but NO once again we are looking for CONSISTENCY which means it needs to be DOABLE WITHOUT RUINING MY LIFE!), i think i want to organize that doc / my draft material in general by “arc” lol whatever that means, and also paste in the rest of the scenes… actually i wonder if a notion doc would be better NO NO NO MORE FUCKING PLATFORMS GODDAMN JUST GSUITE FOR NOW. lol ok so maybe a doc for the “pre-aotake” section, one for “the bit between that and the birthday party” (?? this section is SUPER LOOSE IN MY MIND), one for “birthday party” if only bc that has like seven scenes in it. lol god i wish there was git diff for google docs …… i KNOW i have a few different versions of a couple scenes and it would be really useful if i could stash them somehow next to each other… OK nevermind just ONE DOC to fit everything together, its not long enough to break google docs yet, i don’t need to make arbitrary buckets when i haven’t even looked at the material. i can trust that the buckets WILL COME and become sharper and more clear in my head over time!

IT IS OKAY FOR ME TO BE IN THE TREES AND NOT LOOKING AT THE FOREST RIGHT NOW SO TO SPEAK. THAT IS WHAT DRAFTING FUCKING IS! aaaaargh!!!

ok i actually think next month i want to have 5k as my goal bc holiday obligations PLUS i will be writing for inception secret saito (!!!!) and relearning how my revision process works at a smaller scale so that will take some time. yeah that seems good!!

ok! and YES i feel like i could keep working THIS IS THE PLACE TO STOP. AND ALSO THE FEELING TO STOP ON. i need to practice NOT DIGGING MYSELF INTO A PIT JUST TO FEEL LIKE I “ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING” there are already things that got done!!! if i end eager to keep working that will possibly carry over into my next session and make everything pleasant and energetic instead of a big fucking drag!!!!

ok GOODBYE this is the longest fucking update in the whole wide world im gonna have to go on desktop to add a read more. if u are still reading here hi mwah i love and appreciate you lets be friends

[nikosasaki]

𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊

name: Parker Young

fic title: Nobody

love interest(s): Eli Cardashyan

face claim: Brianne Tju

𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐒

name: Sage White

fic title: Lovers

love interest(s): Harry Hook

face claim: Lana Condor

𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐋 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒

name: Finn Bennett

fic title: Status Quo

love interest(s): Ricky Bowen, Gina Porter

face claim: Kiana Madeira

𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐈𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐎𝐌𝐒

name: Stevie August

fic title: Haunt Me

love interest(s): Reggie

face claim: Jenna Ortega

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐋 𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄

name: Kate Simmons

fic title: Familiar

love interest(s): Peter Parker

face claim: Kathryn Newton

𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐊𝐒

name: Leo Clarke

fic title: Pleaser

love interest(s): JJ Maybank

face claim: Haley Lu Richardson

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐘 𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐎𝐍 / 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐎𝐋𝐘𝐌𝐏𝐔𝐒

name: Matty Ellis

fic title: Heroes

love interest(s): Felix St. Arthur

face claim: Giorgia Whigham

name: Felix St. Arthur

fic title: Heroes

love interest(s): Matty Ellis

face claim: Richard Harmon

name: Lucas Lee

fic title: Heroes

love interest(s): -

face claim: Jack Dylan Grazer

𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐃𝐀𝐋𝐄

name: Gwen ‘Darling’ Griffin

fic title: Darling

love interest(s): Sweet Pea

face claim: Anjelica Bette Fellini

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒

name: Louisa Henderson

fic title: Babysitters

love interest(s): Steve Harrington

face claim: Maddie Hasson

𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐎𝐋𝐅

name: Drew Sato

fic title: Teeth

love interest(s): Liam Dunbar, Theo Raeken

face claim: Lyrica Okano

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇

name: Josephine Hale

fic title: Humans

love interest(s): Barry Allen

face claim: Jessica Henwick

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐔𝐌𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀 𝐀𝐂𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐘

name: Dolores Till

fic title: Cherry Wine

love interest(s): Five Hargreeves

face claim: Raffey Cassidy

name: Jane Nilsen

fic title: -

love interest(s): Ben Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves

face claim: Tuppence Middleton

[homocidal-invader]

@brisargs wrote a professional argumentative essay as to why @z-ib should send feet pics and now I am sharing it. Read it here, in its intended format, or click the readmore to read it on tumblr.

Brisa R. Gutiérrez

Prof. Zib

Annoying 5050

May 10 2022

Why zib should send feet pics… in a scientific way

First of all, I would like to clarify that our intentions about zib's… feet are not necessarily “sick, depraved, etc”. Some of us have been arguing for a long time now whether or not you have your complete feet since, by observations or even theories, it was concluded that the Irken can have from 2 to 3 toes;  an example is the user the-best-invader, in one of his pictures you can see his feet and it seems that he has just 2 toes, nobody gave mention to his feet because he didn’t make a drama about showing them, mind you; but I’m not saying it has to be the same for you; i know it’s a private thing and we’re Internet people that probably aren’t even from the same dimension. We can't force you to do it,  but let me tell you that it was a mistake to challenge the Internet, much less a group of humans that has been following you for at least a month, if I’m remembering correctly. Anyway have that  leaving aside, my point is that our intentions are merely scientific. If you allow me to say it, humanity is curious by nature,  and it is not like we know many human hibryd Irken isn’t it? If your body is slowly changing, how is this reflected? The feet, however, are going to be one of the many questions that you have already been asked or will be asked in the future. This topic would have been quickly forgotten if you didn’t show yourself so… annoyed about it. Half of the people who follow you loves to annoy you, you just fueled the fire.

There’s no one here to blame anyway. In second instance  the question is weird and uhm,  your whole thing is weird, can you blame us for being curious when you could have found yourself in that position? And let me say that I am 90% sure that you ever had doubts about the Irken and did everything in your power to have that information under the argument of “I am saving humanity, I need to know about my enemy to defeat him”. Well- , we are asking out of curiosity and a bit because you look upset about it; also,  we know you have something better to do, like escape, but is there  a reason why you feel it would be a terrible mistake to just do it? Absolutely not, from a minority point of view. I mean,  we really just want to know what they look like, it’s more of a descriptor of what they look like or even just saying “I have all my toes”, “I have only 3 toes”, “My feet are more or less green, what did you expect?”, which  would have sufficed and the topic forgotten.  

In conclusion, no; photos of feet were not totally and necessarily mandatory. If people kept asking,  it was to see if you would do it or not as well as with your hands but who first thought we have a foot fetish and had to dare us to do it? So, on behalf of the people who genuinely were asking nicely and are just curious, here is my essay with 500 words counted, maybe a little more.  

[exeggcute]

something that I think gets overlooked whenever the topic of ao3's fundraising comes up is that, like... if you are not on board with the shit that the people running the site get up to (everything from potential mismanagement of funds to their extremely laissez-faire approach to content moderation and letting terrible shit fly under the radar) then you probably do not want to give them donations. I, personally, do not think ao3 deserves my money or your money or anyone's money (unless they somehow managed to clean up their act in a major way, which I place somewhere between "unlikely" and "impossible").

now, that being said, as much as you should not donate to this particular website, the idea that a website needs money to operate is not weird or controversial in itself. every single thing you do on the internet is incurring costs for someone, somewhere. every server request, every byte of data stored, every domain registered and SSL certificate renewed has a dollar value attached to it. and I think this gets obfuscated because most sites offset this cost (and usually come out ahead with profits) by running ads, which, as we all know, are all but ubiquitous at this point. quarantining the rest under a readmore here because I know long posts are really annoying, lol. sorry to all you poor souls.

but it's one of those "if you aren't paying for the product, you ARE the product" things: and it's not true 100% of the time online, but the majority of free-to-use sites are only free because the people running the site are making money off of your ad impressions. the alterative is either that someone is paying for it out of pocket (as a passion product or whatever) or that it's being collective funded by user donations—but any time a website loads on your computer, money is absolutely changing hands to make it happen (regardless of where it comes from!)

wikipedia is the most obvious example of a site that does not run ads and therefore relies on user donations, and with the absolutely insane size of wikipedia (both in sheer quantity of data and like, its overall information hierarchy), it's not hard to imagine why jimmy wales isn't just running it out of his basement for free. every time you read a wikipedia article, it essentially "costs" the site money, and wikipedia has a lot of fucking articles read by a lot of fucking users. the donations they receive pay for the server request fees every time you load an article.

which isn't to say that you should just suck it up and donate to ao3 if you use the site, because I don't think that's true at all lol. but if anyone is serious about creating an alternative website for hosting fanfiction, ideally way way more robust content moderation, they'll need money to do it. potentially a pretty big sum, especially when it comes to the moderation aspect, because it's hard to fully automate that kind of thing (as we've seen time and time again—look at facebook or yotube or even tumblr's own ill-fated adult content flagging system) and you'd probably want to pay people for their time and labor if they have to slog through nasty shit to make those judgements about it. and that's not even getting into all the regular old stuff about a website: the code you'd have to write, the databases and content management systems, "customer" (or user) support and documentation, hosting fees, data compliance shit, whatever. the options for getting that money are basically (1) solicit optional donations from users, (2) run ads on the site (which seems like a fraught possibility when it comes to fanfiction's relationship to copyright law and essentially "profiting" off of content without reimbursing the source material's rights holders), or (3) find a rich programmer who really likes spirk fanfiction and will take care of literally everything for free.

so I don't even know what I'm really trying to say here other than, like, it's kind of nuts that this one shitty fanfiction site is one of the few popular websites these days that isn't plugged in to the whole digital advertising economy? and the ad ecosystem is a whooole other thing I could (but won't lol) get into/ it just sucks that everything on the web these days trends towards "free but only because the website's owners are profiting off of your engagement." especially considering that yes, free-to-use sites that rely on donations are still costing some users some money, but the direct commodification of User Attention is a direct contributor (if not the biggest cause) of so much shit that's plaguing the internet at large. I would very much love to see more popular sites that steer away from ad revenue and towards some other means of financial support. and I want to believe we can grow it ourselves... we just have to pitch in and make it less shitty than everything else that's already out there. somehow.

[kooki914]

How would you rank deltarune's bosses?

That's a good question, honestly. I hadn't thought to rank them until now! I'll do the big bosses first, and then the minibosses on a seperate list because I feel like its not fair to compare a miniboss and a full boss. Also I ended up needlessly rambling (again) so I'll put it all under a readmore for the sake of not clogging anyone's dash.

So, bosses up first:

Spade King - My bias is showing, yes, but also I just have the most fun when fighting him. You don't have to think too deep about how to act, you just gotta dogde good and hit good. It's the kind of gameplay and strategy I love in RPG games! And the aesthetic of chains and prisons weaves perfectly into the thesis of chapter 1 and the general Feel of Card Castle up until that point. Also, the fact that the battle can be won if you just Stall long enough because Spade gets physically too tired to fight you, shows both how pathetic he is, but also that you still have a choice, even when it seems like he cant be beat without bloodshed.

Queen (Not Giga) - I love her attack patterns, I think they're very stylish, I love the battleground, it's a nice bright contrast to the final arena of chapter 1, and I love that Queen is just sitting in a chair the entire time sipping wine. She couldn't give less of a shit if she TRIED. And the mechanic where you have to drain her drink in order to progress is nice, even if it's there just to but an obsticle between you and Annoying McGeek.

Jevil - The only reason this fucker isn't number 2 is because his battle is infuriating. But!! I still appreciate the aesthetic of the bullets and their patterns. It's a very well-made fight, and I think it is ABSOLUTELY balanced because the mood it's supposed to set in isn't that of fairness and order, it's literally just chaos. Seeing his name finally turn blue when you fight him pacifist style is a rush of adrenaline like no other. I literally had to take notes when fighting him in order to predict what moves he'll do next. I like that!! It adds an unexpected meta element to his fight as you're literally forced out of your immersion because of how difficult it is!!

Spamton NEO - Not my favourite boss, if only because managing the shooting and the dodging at the same time should've been a more late-game addition, like it was in undertale, so you actually got fully used to the controls at that point. But other than that the aesthetic is On Point and all his attacks are just as creepy and unsettling as he is. Lord save me I still haven't beaten him in Snowgrave. Pray for me.

GIGA Queen - I don't like mechas. Unironically the weakest fight in the game. Not because it's poorly incorporated or anything, but just because it depends on you being emotionally invested in giant robots duking it out as the final battle of the chapter. I think it's a genuine downgrade, both aesthetically and thematically, from the Queen fight that happens 2 seconds beforehand. It's mostly just comedic and that's not really the mood you want for the emotional high point of the chapter.

Ok now onto the minibosses hoo boy let's see if I remember them all-

Werewerewire - Honestly I love this guy. Fighting him for the first time felt like a pleasure and a surprising breath of fresh air in what started to feel like a pretty drawn out and repetative area. Also his optional dialogue in Castletown is wonderful! Both in the Cafe, as well as the Dojo. He's just a swell guy!! Violent, yeah, but he's fun to fight!! It feels like a proper challange, not too difficult, not easy enough to beat without thinking 2 steps ahead.

K. Round - This is one of those fights you don't expect to be as intense as it is. Both on the board and in the castle, this dude raises the tension in such a weird way that it always puts a smile on my face. He's fun to fight and the change in approach between the first and second fight is very indearing, and indicative of the progress the fun gang's made as a team. AND he became an instant classic!! Good miniboss all around.

Sweet Cap'n Cakes - God this battle. You don't expect it to be as difficult as it is, but MAN these guys are too funky and funny for me to stay mad at them!! The fact that it introduces S-action and R-action is also a HUGE point in it's favour, because without that mechanic the rest of the game would be a drag. When The Boys attack, the entire battlefield with your soul on it turns into a hostile dance floor, and I really like that the difficulty is bumped up as high as it is, it really shows the number of people on a team, no matter on which side they're fighting, is important to the game's mechanics and internal logic.

Lancer/Lancer+Susie - I love me my ball boy, and honestly both his fights with and without Susie (and against Susie) feel satisfying as hell. They carry a very playful energy that really gets you into the swing of things until you notice this kid's an actual tank and is putting your life at risk oh god oh fuck. But really, I feel like the goofiness of his fights are a great way to counteract how moody the other areas of the game tend to be, ESPECIALLY the final Card Castle are and the fight with his dad. Lancer is just wonderful for narrative analysis and so are his battles.

Clover - It's interesting to note that out of all the bosses/minibosses, Clover, Werewerewire and Tasque Manager are the only ones who don't have a special theme. I wish they did, honestly, they're all really good fights against some really interesting characters! Clover is, at least in my opinion, massivily underutalised, when compared to how the other suits' underlings show up basically everywhere in the chapter. I love her dynamic between her heads, and the fact that you have to pay attention to NPC dialogue to know how to handle her. It's all very nice!

Tasque Manager - Not a bad fight! My only real issue with it is that it feels a little bit underdeveloped. The simon says part is an interesting mechanic, but I can't help but feel that THAT being her staple attack is a bit... weak? She could've done more with her whip (like how Spade pulls a lot of stunts with his chain, maybe even showing a connection between the two worlds in that subtle way), and the fact that it relies on previously established enemies is, again, slightly weak in my opinion. She should be able to stand on her own two feet and all that. But I gotta say, her minigame in the Dojo is satisfying as HELL to play!

Spamton - ew ew ew ew ew ew I hate this trash goblin. The only reason he's this low on the list is becasuse I don't like him as a character and all his attacks are annoying. His first battle doesn't capture anywhere NEAR the feel that his Neo battle does, and I guess that's the point, too? But, I dunno, even though he's one of the more developed minibosses (character AND mechanic-wise), his fight just isn't all that fun. And the buildup to it is creepy in a Very uncomfortable way (unlike the creepiness of his Neo fight that's genuinely horror themed), so just a big NOPE fest all around for me.

Berdly - Berdly. Once again, my bias is showing, but I have legit reasons for it this time. His roller coaster fight is all well and good (even though I feel like some of his attacks are needlessly overpowered for a nerd like him. Like c'mon how are you gonna give BERDLY stronger attacks than SUSIE had in chapter 1. HOW.), but it's his second fight in the city that I have the most issue with. Not only is it Nowhere Near a save point (meaning if you aren't great at the game, you're gonna need to make a long treck just to try one more time to beat his ass into next Tuesday), but it also just... takes a really long time, for what's essentially filler between two points in his character arc. Fuck Bird Brain Boy, is what I'm trying to say.

That should be everyone! If I forgot to mention any minibosses, let me know and I'll edit this post and add them in!

[headofhelios]

Ok I am a single follower but I like hannibal tv but would enjoy ur movie thoughts I like some of the books too and have been meaning to get around to the movies 😳😳

OKAY I'M EDITING A READMORE ONTO THIS LOL I REALIZED THATS SOMETHING I CAN DO! so now my incredibly waaayyy too long answer abt my thoughts on 2002 will is under there. apologies bc this is less "movie thoughts" and more "2002 movie will thoughts" but well thats how the chips fell

GOD okay sooo for the record i am reading the red dragon book and am like 7 or 8 chapters in and full transparency im not like. enjoying it lol. the book pisses me off with its misogyny (all the women in it are either dead or it feels like you're supposed to think theyre Selfish Bitches or theyre just there for like. bizarre and uncomfortable sexual moments like the guys talking abt that woman in the elevator, or that one part of mrs. leeds diary which is like. i guess could be there to Show Her Humanity or whatever but 1. there are more ways to do that 2. the book doesnt seem particularly concerned with her humanity considering she's barely even given a first name and so far the novel hasnt seemed to disapprove of how will thinks of her as a possession of her husband) and its inconsistency with will's most important character trait or whatever (he's so intensely, extremely empathetic towards EVERYONE, even serial killers, which makes him really good at finding them! and he can never turn this off, to the point where every time he has a conversation with someone, he ends up mimicking the way they talk, even if he tries to stop! but also he never empathizes with the victims or HIS OWN FUCKING WIFE? HELLO? so it really feels less like "extremely strong empathy for everyone that he cant control" and more like "he can empathize with serial killers extremely well and also other people if we want to Make A Point in one scene instead of letting the point show through the whole book") BUT UHHH ANYWAY. MOVIE THOUGHTS. THE MOVIE THOUGHTS YOU ASKED FOR COMING RIGHT UP!

okay this is what i am worried will either 1. draw annoying tv will graham stans to my blog like flies or 2. end with me being hanged in the town square BUT. it must be said. i prefer 2002 red dragon will graham to tv will graham. and quite frankly? so far? i think 2002 red dragon will graham is better than book will graham. i cannot lie.

my reasoning: because 2002 will actually empathizes with more people than serial killers and his boss! y'know! like you'd assume someone with constant extreme empathy would! the difference between the first scene with molly in the book vs in the movie are SO striking to me now that i've read that part of the novel. in the novel he seems very... rough, i guess, and like he doesnt care about molly's worries. he doesnt seem to see things from her perspective, which especially feels like a kick to the gut because MOLLY! SEES! THINGS! FROM! HIS! PERSPECTIVE!!! she literally empathizes with him more than he does with her! what the fuck! MEANWHILE in the movie, he does seem to care about her. his assurances that he wont get too involved seem like assurances rather than him trying to get her off his back. he hugs her and tells her he loves her and i actually believe that yeah, he loves her, he knows she's worried about him, and he wants to comfort her and ease her worries. and the victims! AGAIN such a stark difference to me! in the book, will is like... uncomfortable empathizing w the red dragon, of course, but he doesnt seem to empathize with the victims all that much, ESPECIALLY not the women. he doesnt care about them. he sees them as possessions belonging to their husbands and its so fucking gross. despite already suspecting that the red dragon chooses families based on the women, he decides to waste time focusing on the husbands as a way of "asking permission to look at [their wives]." what the fuck? meanwhile in the film, he feels for the victims so much that he can barely even say that the kids were shot in bed! when he watches the tapes, he focuses on the women! because that's his fucking job!!! and we see him empathizing with them! wow!!

siiigh okay im gonna stop talking abt the book vs the movie now bc again im only like 8 chapters or so deep. but now we come to tv will vs. 2002 will, which is admittedly gonna be more subjective and part of that it bc i cant remember a whole lot of specifics from the show bc my memory is Very Bad. but anyway

let's get the shallow stuff out of the way. yes i prefer ed norton's face to hugh dancy's. call hugh dancy "gender" or whatever have your fun i support you and your right to call any blood covered man a gender but by god is that not even REMOTELY my experience. next shallow thing to get out of the way: ed norton's line delivery is like music to my FUCKING ears compared to hugh dancy's i am so sorry. like the jokes about will shaking like a damp chihuahua before taking 5 minutes to stutter out "he's killing them....... On Purpose, jack." are funny and all but christ i had SUCH a hard time watching the show bc of that im not lying. literally hearing 2002 will just say "he's not keeping them. he's eating them." nice and quick, matter of factly is better than well im actually gonna end that sentence there but you get the idea. like YESSS you little blonde bitch get to the point i love you!!!

OKAY NOW less shallow points but also less uhh idk man i just dont remember a lot of hannibal. but basically: after seeing how caring 2002 will is, i'm kind of... idk i'm just so over tv will and how abrasive and harsh he is in comparison. like i fell in LOVE with how vulnerable 2002 will is, how he feels like he cares deeply about the people around him (and honestly... idk i cant remember a moment in the hannibal tv series that made me feel the way i felt when 2002 will can't say "the kids were shot in their beds". it's like... yeah this is a guy who feels so deeply for everyone around him at all times. i believe that.) and i just dont remember getting that same feeling from tv will. i have been gently spoon fed the most excellent chocolate pudding and everything else in my memory is just a snack pack. i guess tv will has those moments (what comes to mind is when he brings gideon to hannibal's house and is crying and he says "please dont lie to me") but idk they just didnt really do for me what 2002 will does. and then their scenes with reba! wow! i rewatched the tv version after watching red dragon, bc the film version made me tear up, meanwhile the tv version i barely remembered and i wasnt sure if that was just bc of the different mindsets i was in while watching them or what. and ok i just rewatched the tv version again and like... yeah. it's the wills lol. i LOVEEE tv reba SO much she is giving everything in that scene!! she sounds so like... broken, both bc of dolarhyde's apparent suicide and bc of finding out who he was + what he was doing, she sounds so fragile and guilt ridden! she's amazing!! but will. idk. tv will's delivery just seems... idk this feels dumb to say but it sounds like writing. i admittedly LOVE the line "people who study this kind of thing say that he was trying to stop because you helped him." and his delivery there is good. but between tv "you didnt draw a freak, you drew a man w a freak on his back" and the 2002 version, the 2002 delivery seems more genuine while the tv delivery sounds rehearsed. idk overall the 2002 version of that conversation just makes me feel more? its like. idk i can feel the 2002 version gently holding my heart while the tv version is a scene that is nice in h/nnigram gifsets or w/e.

umm ok this is already suuuper long and my brain is getting a bit mushy so i'm gonna start wrapping it up lol. i'll probably compare book will and 2002 will again after i finish the book, and then i miiight rewatch hannibal, or at least parts of s3. but right now my thoughts are basically: book will is a fucking dick who has an easier time empathizing with serial killers than with his wife. tv will is a nothing girl after being so completely catered to + also idk he doesnt have the same fragility that i want from my wills now. and 2002 will is my little caramel apple. he has this delightful vulnerability and feels like he cares so much and empathizes with more people than serial killers and his boss and 4 people in a diner for one scene! 2002 will made me care about will graham! which is honestly kind of a feat!

[banashee]

i"I have way too many stories already planned" I said. “I can’t write in multiple fandoms at once, it will throw me off” I said. “OK so I’ll just get this out of my system real quick” I said. “Well shit, I’ve gotten more ideas now that I’ve started…” I said, determinded to face it - I have a problem. Just a small one… Who am I kidding. Send help.

Also, this is the first time I’ve written for this fandom. I’ve loved and enjoyed TMA for a while now, not just the pod but also fanworks. And now I’m joining in on the fun and you folks will have to deal with it :D ♥

This story got inspired by a conversation on Reddit with Swiftysmoon. Thank you very much for the inspo! This one is for you :)

-

edit. sorry about the missing ReadMore cut, Tumblr is programmed like a pile of garbage and removed it after I edited a typo...I’ve added it back in now.

-

please mind the tags and warnings

-

 Into the Void

Truth be told, Jon never planned on this to happen. Of course not - it is ridiculous and more than a little embarrassing, but he can’t help himself.

See, the thing is, Jon is a restless, anxious person in general. He’ll hide away in his office for hours, typing away or recording statements in solitude, only interrupted when someone actually wants something from him. That, or when Martin brings him yet another cup of tea, checking if he’s still alive or starved to death on his desk.

No kidding - Martin had told him this, once, and although he’d been half-joking at the time, the underlying message had been very clear.

‘Please take care of yourself, you worry me.’ - it had been oddly sweet, and Jon still has no idea how to even react to this kindness.

But the thing is - Jon has nervous habits. While his mind is wandering and he is buried neck-deep in his work, he tends to fiddle. Mostly with pens, or anything else he can reach on his desk. That would be fine - no one notices it, unless they stand right next to him. But Jon had almost choked on the pen he’d been chewing on, lost in thoughts while reading his notes, omn more than one occasion. Mostly thanks to Tim bursting into the room like the whirlwind he is.

For one, Tim Stoker just doesn’t knock. Ever. He enters a room as loud and cheerful as he does anything else, and it can be a bit unnerving. Still, he somehow manages to be a professional and be really good at his job. That and the fact that there is  ‘Chaos’ written all over him makes for an odd combination sometimes, but they’re all somewhat used to this.

So, when Tim suddenly sticks his head into the room with a cheerfully casual

“Hey, Boss!”

Jon startles and nearly stabs himself in the throat with a pen while he scrambles to make it look like he  didn’t chew on it the entire time. He needs to preserve some sort of professionalism around here, even though he feels a little bit lost sometimes.

He glares halfheartedly, trying to keep whatever is left of his composure in place. Tim shoots him a bright smile with finger guns, then he rattles off the information that Jon had asked him for not long ago.

Thankful that he doesn’t have to explain himself, Jon launches onto it.

      As time goes on, things around the institute get more and more weird. One thing adds to the other, and suddenly, they’re at war against worms all over the place. They spend their days at the institute armed with fire extinguishers and in Martin’s case, a corkscrew. Martin even lives there now, which adds a whole different level to it all.

Really, it is not surprising that they rarely ever get any outside visitors down in the archives. They have a bit of a reputation for being weird, and truth be told, Jon can’t find any fault in the people who assume that. If he wasn’t involved - if he didn’t  know  what lurks out there, in the shadows, he’d have thought the same.

Pushing his own dismissive, sceptic act is getting harder and harder these days, but it doesn’t stop Jon from trying.

Even after Jane Prentiss’ attack, Jon tries to keep up that act. It’s clearly faltering now, though, which may or may not be partially due to the fact that he confessed to Martin that yes, he does believe and he is terrified. It’s been an awkward conversation, to say the least, and not just because Jon pretty much asked if Martin was a ghost and despite Martin stabbing him with the corkscrew. To be fair, he’d apologized profusely for that, and while Jon is not happy about it, he is thankful for his attempt to get the damn worms out of him. Just thinking about it still makes him shudder, makes him lay awake at night.

On the plus side, their team in the archives has grown much closer to one another - it eases the anxiety and paranoia, just a bit.

      Jon finds himself busy, not to say, utterly distracted. Time flies, and he takes even less care of himself than he did before. He practically lives off tea, and whatever food is offered where Martin, Tim and Sasha drag him along to.

Jon acts prickly and annoyed as always, but in reality, he appreciates their efforts. Lord knows, he isn’t sure he deserves this kindness, but he still makes an effort. These three people are all he’s got, after all. They’re the only group of allies who have any sort of idea what is really going on in the archives, and that alone is enough to have him lower his walls just a bit.

One day, Jon keeps blowing an annoying, grey-streaked strand of his otherwise dark hair out of his face. He didn’t have the time or energy to get a haircut lately - there are much more pressing matters to take care of. But his hair is currently at the awkward in-between length that he hated years ago, when he decided to grow it out. He’d kept it long, up until shortly before his promotion to head archivist. Only then he parted with the shoulder length ponytail in an attempt to be perceived as more professional.

It doesn’t feel right - never did. And as much as he hates the annoying strands falling in his face, it makes him feel like he is back on the way to himself. Or at least as much as he can these days.

Especially in the face of, well, everything else, it is a small comfort. Right now though, Jon is annoyed - he takes a pen from his desk, and sticks it behind his ear to hold back the constantly falling piece of hair - it works.

Jon only notices the pen again when he is about to go to bed that night - he huffs, places it onto the small desk in his bedroom and then crawls under the covers. Once he is in bed, Jon is waiting for the insomnia and the nightmares to keep him awake, despite his best attempts to fall asleep.

He is long used to both, but the last few months have been significantly more stressful.

The next day, Jon is exhausted. He barely makes it into the kitchen for some coffee, then he drives to the institute, the pen forgotten back home. Oh well - he’ll bring it back in another day - no big deal.

Except, it becomes a Thing, with a capital T.

Jon is chewing on and fumbling with his pens as usual, recording statement after statement and doesn’t exactly realize what he is doing. He hides away, until one of the others drags him away from the desk for inconvenient human needs like food and company, but really, he goes willingly now. All he needs is a small reminder.

The bit of human warmth and company means a lot to Jon, and he soaks it up as much as he allows himself to. Trusting people is a struggle for him. His relationship with each and every coworker is definitely a work in progress, but he is willing to try, anyway.

One night, Martin points to the side of Jon’s neck in quiet amusement.

“Oh, you’ve got ink on you - yes, right there.” he touches the spot behind his own ear. Jon blinks, and when he tries to wipe it away, his hand comes away with yet another goddamn pen.

It joins a small pile of accidentally stolen pens on Jon’s desk back home - he’s been meaning to bring them back ages ago, but he keeps forgetting. At this point, he refuses to drop them all off at once, because that would definitely catch someone’s attention - and attention is the last thing he wants right now. Add in the fact that this is, well, ridiculous and embarrassing… No. Just no.

Jon looks around the room, heat creeping up his face even though there is no one around to look at and judge him - then he opens an empty drawer in his desk. The pens disappear with one swift movement of his arm before Jon slams the drawer shut. There - done.

And this is how, what Jon secretly calls his “Desk Drawer of Shame”, comes into existence.

      Occasionally, a small handful of pens will make its way back into the archives. But at this point, they’re way, way too many to bring back at once, at least not without pissing off Elias. That is, if he isn’t chuckling at the ridiculous and mysteriously high cost of office supplies in the last few months.

At the very least, Jon would be at the receiving end of some good natured ribbing from his coworkers in the foreseeable future.

Jon is reading the last few lines of a statement, when the door to his office opens up after a quick knock. He looks up with a frown, which is more habit than anything at this point, and quickly drops his feet back on the ground. At least, he isn’t chewing on a pen this time.

Standing in the doorway, shooting him a small smile, is Martin and he is waiting for Jon to finish recording the last few lines. Only when the familiar

“Statement ends.” marks the end of the recording session, he starts talking.

“Hi! Uh, did you have lunch yet?”

Jon didn’t, and Martin knows it, but he is trying to go the polite route before his motherhen-mode is activated and he physically drags the man away from the desk in an attempt to make him take a break.

So, Jon smiles back, which still feels a bit foreign in a work context, but he secretly enjoys the spark of happiness on Martin’s face when he does. Not like he focuses on that or anything…

“No, I- I didn’t. Did you have something in mind?” he asks as he gets up and pulls his jacket from the back of his chair. It’s a welcome distraction from his work.

Jon didn’t sleep, again, and he can tell that he is getting sloppy and way more irritable than usual. Chances are, getting a bite to eat and spending some time out of the institute with a friend will do him some good.

On the way out, Jon falls comfortably into step with Martin. Plenty of thoughts cross his mind, and he chooses to ignore all of them. In fact, he’d been so busy staring up at a cluster of freckles on Martin’s cheek that he doesn’t even notice what he tells him about the little café that he was planning to visit. Only when he stops talking, obviously waiting for an answer, Jon nods, hoping that Martin actually asked him a yes-or-no question.

For now, it seems to be enough, and they enjoy their lunch break. Jon is still lost in thoughts though.

That night, he is unable to sleep once again, as his mind keeps him wide awake and Jon is shaking apart under the blanket. There are two new pens on his desk, and it feels like they’re glaring at him. It’s ridiculous - they really are the least of his worries. Jon is just distracted, that’s all.

      There is ink on his neck. Again. Jon swipes at it in mild annoyance, inwardly cursing himself for being so careless. His movement catches Tim’s attention, and then his eyes wander to the pen that is stuck halfway to Jon’s ponytail - it’s for convenience, really - but it’s clearly the cause for the ink scribbles on his skin.

Tim puts the pieces together and grins. He is way too easily amused about this, but to be fair, they get their laughs whenever they can these days. And this is still much better than the silent, angry version of Tim that tends to come out more and more and the last few months. At least, when he’s laughing, he isn’t that.

Small favors.

      The more distracted Jon grows, and the longer his hair gets, the more pens he keeps losing - or more like, forgetting - in it.

He doesn’t realize that he is doing it, really, until someone - mostly Martin or Tim these days, because Sasha is (gone) (different ) absent - walks up and plucks one of the pens right out of his hair in order to use it. Jon should be annoyed, but he can’t bring himself to be. It’s oddly comforting that the two of them are still willing to seek him out. Because that’s what this is - there are plenty of pens around, of course.

There is no need to come into his office, to come close to him just to get office supplies. They’re here because they want to, and that honestly means the world to Jon.

As much as he’d tried to keep them at arm’s length, he’s failed miserably. Thankfully so - things would be much, much worse if they had to deal with everything on their own.

      “Hang on - how many bloody pens are in there?” Martin asks one day, calling over from the other room. He looks up in utter confusion while already cracking up with  laughter.

“Wait, are those-?”

Oh goddammit.

Apparently, that’s what happens when Jon answers absentmindedly when asked for the location of a pen in his apartment.

He needs to renovate his kitchen, because the landlord just won’t do it in any reasonable amount of time, so Jon is in old jeans and an even older T-shirt, packing dishes and kitchenware into boxes with Martin and Tim. The two of them had been kind enough to offer help, so that’s why they’re all piled in Jon’s small apartment on a Saturday morning.

Partway through, they realize that they should probably label the boxes, and soon after, Martin stands in the bedroom, opening not the stationary drawer, but The Secret Drawer of Shame With Accidentally Stolen Pens From The Institute.

“Oh, good lord.” With an audible ‘thump’, Jons forehead collides with the kitchen table. His glasses sit crooked now, and he doesn’t lift his head up while he tries to explain, and despite being flustered, he manages to keep that certain tone of voice that’s usually reserved for work hours.

“I, yes. I may have accidentally taken a pen or two with me and only realized it here. Coming back into work with all of them at once seemed… well. Not ideal at the time.”

“No wonder when you keep storing them in your hair.” Martin comes back, with a handful of pens and a bright smile.

While walking past, he pulls another pen out of Jon’s bun, just to prove his point. A long strand of hair slips forward and falls back into Jon’s face. Meanwhile, Tim has snuck off to peek into the other room out of pure curiosity, then he proceeds to laugh his arse off for the next few minutes.

“You know, we should make it a sport at this point. How much stationary supplies can we steal until Elias catches wind of it?” Tim offers, because of course he does.

It is ridiculous and childish, so naturally, it quickly becomes A Thing.

Anything to get a tiny bit of satisfaction is a valid option at this point, and besides, it’s not like Jon is trying to be sneaky or anything. It just happens , like so many things these days.

      As it turns out, Elias doesn’t care. None of them is stupid enough to assume he doesn’t know - the bastard knows everything, that’s part of their problem. He just never calls any of them out on it - if it is because it’s too unimportant or if he is getting a chuckle out of it as well, they never find out.

At some point, late at night when all three of them had a few drinks, they’re brave enough to joke about what fear entity would be responsible for a never ending void filled with pens (“A.K.A you desk drawer of shame, Jon. Have another drink, you’re annoyingly sober for this conversation.”)

It’s a half-serious debate, and one which they continue every once in a while. Most notably so at the institute’s christmas party, huddled in a corner where they’re mostly being left alone. And if that is mostly due to Jon glaring holes through anyone daring to come close, just a hair away from actually hissing and snarling, well. He didn’t get his reputation of being rude and prickly for nothing.

      All of this turns into fond memories, once everything has gone to hell.

Jon is freshly awake from six months of coma, and the world around him has changed. Martin is barely around and Tim is  dead . So is Sasha, even though they never knew, for the longest time.

All of this hurts badly enough to stop him from breathing every once in a while, and after a series of even more tangled and unfortunate events, Jon finds himself huddled close to Martin on a train.

They’re on their way to Scotland and neither of them talks much, but they’re unwilling to let go of the other’s hand. The air is chilly, even inside the wagon, and Martin is still shivering under layers of jumpers and jackets.

The Lonely has settled deep into his bones, and sometimes, it’s like he is fading away again. Every time this happens, the steady warmth of Jon keeps pulling him back.

Jons hand is smaller and bonier in Martin’s own large, soft hand, but it’s grip is steady and warm. His thumb keeps stroking gently over the back of his hand while he is holding it, and it is the most loved Martin has felt in a long time.

Eventually, he manages to relax enough to doze off for a bit. While his head find’s it’s way down and onto Jon’s shoulder, he can feel the slight poke of a plastic pen that is sticking out of his hair.

Martin almost smiles, and squeezes back when Jon tightens the grip around his hand and settles against him.

    They keep finding the damn things around the safehouse, because frankly, they’re everywhere. And that’s just whatever Jon had on his person out of sheer habit. Lord knows, his hair has grown way past his shoulders by now, and more often than not, he keeps it up and out of the way with whatever is around him at the time.

Mostly, it’s pens.

At first, they’re just  there , and both Jon and Martin have about a million other things to think of and to deal with than a few too many office supplies laying around.

The exhaustion, both physically and emotionally, leaves them absolutely drained and dead to the world.

It is bad enough so that they crawl into bed almost as soon as they have arrived and inspected the small cabin. The question of whether or not they’re going to share the bed isn’t even raised - neither of them is willing to let go of the other. All the way from London to up here, they’d held hands to reassure themselves that they wouldn’t lose each other, and they’re not about to stop now.

It is a lot easier to remind each other that they’re not alone when all they need to do is focus on the breath and heartbeat of one another. Focusing on the heat radiating under the blankets, where they are embracing throughout the night to keep the nightmares and the ever growing anxiety at bay.

They have plenty of bad days when everything just creeps up at them and even talking is too much. Those days, they spend curled up in front of the fire or in bed, holding on tight for as long as they need to in order to feel more alive again.

After a while, they’re able to relax more. Martin is much warmer and solid now, doesn’t fade away into the fog without noticing. It’s happening less and less now - whether or not he will be able to shake off The Lonely entirely, neither of them knows, but he is happy about every step in the other direction.

Jon is just as happy to see him doing better, and he tells him as much over breakfast, smiling as he tangles their legs under the table.

There are two pens already stuck in his hair, holding it up in two buns. It’s probably from when he read a statement from the stack of files and tapes that Basira sent over the other day.

The statement has definitely taken the edge off of things for Jon. Now he can sit at the kitchen table with his boyfriend and enjoy a cup of tea instead of growing weaker and weaker with hunger for statements. As ironic as it is, it makes him feel more human, even though he is no longer fully human. He’s pretty sure of it.

“I love you.” Martin tells him, because it is true and he likes saying it as often as possible, now that he can. It sends a spark of warm happiness through his chest, and it is bright enough to chase away the cold fog that’s still lingering sometimes - just for a bit.

“I love you, too.”

He’ll never get tired of hearing this.

“I love you” they say, as they drink tea in the morning and eat freshly baked bread, still warm from the oven.

“I love you” they say, as they walk hand in hand through the cobblestone streets down in the village, on their way to buy groceries and look at the little local shops.

“I love you” they say, as they step around each other in the tiny kitchen while cooking dinner, distracting one another with kisses until one of them remembers the food or notices the charred smell of something burning. It’s only then that they break apart, cursing and laughing all at once.

“I love you” they say, as they spend nights wide awake, holding on tightly through their grief and fear. They say it out loud or whisper it into the darkness, comforting one another as best as they can.

“I love you”, they whisper through silence and tears, but they say it just as much through smiles and laughter.

“I love you” they say, after every single argument. Their love for each other is strong, so much so that they’re certain they will be able to figure out the rest. Whether that’s the end of the world as they know it or anything else doesn’t matter.

“I love you” Martin says, after he walks up behind Jon and plucks one of the pens out of his hair. There are at least two more, and besides, Martin woke up this morning with a few lines of poetry in the back of his mind. He wants to write them down before he forgets - maybe, just maybe, he can  turn them into  something beautiful.

“I love you.” Jon says, and he pulls Martin closer by the front of his pyjama shirt, turning around just enough to be able to press a quick kiss to his lips. The movement leaves them both in an awkward position, hanging over the back of the sofa with their glasses askew.

Martin has one of his arms wrapped around Jon, who is holding on tight, happily leaning into him with a quiet, happy satisfaction on his face. Clearly, he is enjoying this an awful lot.

No doubt, if it wasn’t for the hold onto the sofa Martin has with his other, he’d have toppled over and fallen right into the smaller man’s lap. And maybe that’s exactly what Jon is trying to do - who knows. He is way more affectionate than either of them would have thought possible, really.

They remain wrapped up in the tight hug, and neither of them wants to let go yet.

                                     Notes:  

Warnings: - Off-screen canon character death mentioned - insecurity - Loneliness - Trust issues - if you want me to add anything please let me know

[the-scottish-costume-guy]

Been thinking a lot about “inspirational injury”

Hi, if this ends up long I’ll put it under a readmore. So I’ve been watching Hells Kitchen while I was doing my 20-something designs for a show that isn’t even really going to be put on because of the pandemic. On one season the guy who wins breaks his wrist like 3 episodes in and is often shown in pain, is often held up as a standard of dedication and commitment...

And I think I identified with him cause (while i haven’t done anything quite That impressive) I’ve been in that position a lot of times and it sucks. My EDS, kinda weird luck, and the way you transition on the nhs has meant that I’ve done a great deal of my achievements while massively injured. - I completed year one of my HND on crutches after being hit by a car - I completed year two of my HND with a 3 month gap in the middle after having major surgery - I was often in splints/supports during my classes due to dislocation/injury - I just completed my design unit while dealing with Carpal Tunnel in both hands And Im a good student. Being a mature student has allowed me to utilise better timekeeping than a lot of my classmates. Thats literally all it is if you ask me - I have a bit more experience and I know how to pace myself. But thats meant my tutors have often used me when criticising others. “If Rowan can do that with a wrist in a splint why are you struggling?” “If Rowan did that in 3 months less time why are you running late?” I can’t quite articulate what it is about this that annoys me. I think part of it is that I wouldn’t have been able to do it when I was my classmates age - I didn’t have the self management back then, theres a reason I’ve only gone into my studies now - my classmates are way ahead of me in that. I think the other thing is its Hard for me to do it when Im hurt - but Im nearly always hurt so have no choice. I’d rather be told “that was impressive and you shouldn’t have had to do it” than hear someone else called lesser for not exerting that frankly ridiculous effort... Just a rambling set of thoughts.

[five-wow]

i saw on your main blog that you've watched due south! i love that show so much! since it's one of my favorites i want to cross it over with everything. i've been thinking recently how much i would love to see the h50 characters interact with Fraser and one or both of the Rays. mostly i think i want Fraser and RayK to lead by example and show Steve and Danny that they too can ride off into the sunset together

Yes, I have, and oh my gosh, hello! 💖 I love encountering other people who love Due South in the wild because fdjkfd oh, how I love that show.

I’m not always big on crossovers because they make my brain break a bit sometimes, though you did just put the concept of Fraser and either of the Rays in Hawaii in my head and that is Most Glorious and I have to thank you for it. Poor Fraser would melt. Someone would have to wear a Hawaiian shirt. I kind of feel like it should be Dewey, who is now apparently tagging along too (Chicago PD won the lottery and sent all of their Detectives to Hawaii?), but it’s also entirely possible that the only correct answer to “which of these characters should wear a really awful touristy Hawaiian shirt” is actually “all of them”. I will give this matter additional consideration as I go forward.

ANYWAY. The thing that actually made me go !! about this ask was that last sentence and specifically the thing about riding off into the sunset because YES. YES, I AGREE. I mean, my thinking has been a bit less on a characters learning from each other level and a bit more on a showrunners learning from each other one perhaps, but still. I once wrote a long and rambly post about how Due South did its ending perfectly and h50 could have learned a thing or two from them that still languishes in my drafts, and I guess this is as good a time as any to spend way too many words making that point, so I’ll put the drafted text under a readmore here:

[Edit: this is where the “keep reading” should have been if this were a functional website.]

you know what show really did their ending right, if you ask me? due south. the main character, fraser, is a guy who is part of an organization that left him with a hyper specific skillset most ordinary humans don’t possess. he lost his mother at an early age and his father never truly recovered. they had a distant relationship that they never had a chance to fix before fraser’s father was murdered. against law enforcement’s wishes, fraser worked his father’s case to catch the killer in the pilot episode, thereby neatly kicking of the entire series. fraser is never shown to have a strong interest in women except for his one epic romance, the one that got away (literally, repeatedly), who is a dark-haired woman who left him heartbroken and a little screwed in the head. fraser owns a dog that he talks to frequently, lives for his work, and is very, very good at it, but is also, deep down, incredibly lonely.

fraser also has a partner. (or two, but we’re talking kowalski here.) this guy, ray (rayk), is a divorced man with a european background and a whole host of issues surrounding his imploded marriage, some of which are to do with kids. he’s very particular about his blond hair, he can ramble, and he has strong opinions and those are not always favorable when it comes to the methods fraser employs during their cases. but he loves fraser! and fraser loves him back, and they have said those words out loud. ray will chase women and be annoyed that they just fall at fraser’s feet; ray has a very specific car; ray used to have a dog he loved dearly but it died and he doesn’t have one now; ray is a really great detective with a lot of heart.

and then there’s the finale. in the two-part due south finale, someone gets shot and badly wounded and fraser once again has to deal with fall-out from his parents’ legacy. ray’s ex-wife meets someone new and marries them (the other ray, fraser’s other partner, as it so happens), firmly putting an end to the potential of revival for that relationship. fraser is asked by his only possible love interest at that point, thatcher, to follow her as she gets promoted (because she is also his boss), but he declines. ray, who fears that fraser might be leaving him (for the other ray, who returned after a long undercover stint, but that’s plot stuff that’s not super relevant in this discussion), nervously asks thatcher whether she’s ever felt like she needed a certain person to feel like herself, “like if you weren't around somebody, or that someone wasn’t around you, then you wouldn’t be you, or at least not the you that you think”, and she says no, and later ray and fraser have a talk about partnerships that is interrupted by her, and she tells fraser that she can see that he belongs in this place (the canadian wilderness) and that she can’t think of a life less appealing and they realize their paths will diverge here. in the end, fraser catches the bad guy with a lot of help from friends. he decides to leave chicago (the setting of most of the show), but, and this is pretty instrumental, he leaves it for canada, which is his real home, and ray is with him. we’re shown how all the other characters that we learned to love over the course of the show end up, and all of them have their own lives but they seem happy, and then we’re left with just ray and fraser on a dogsled amidst a lot of ice and mountains, planning a hopeless adventure (because it will keep them together) and riding off, so very very very literally, into the sunset.

and, look. not all of this finale template would fit h50 and steve and danny. there are differences, because they are (thankfully) not exactly the same show, but except for maybe the dogsled and the ice on those mountains? dear lord, they could have copy-pasted the bones of due south’s finale and it would have been so close to perfect.

[secondsister-a]

The Hella Sweet Munday Meme // ACCEPTING     ↳ @graunblida​ said: What if i sent you all the munday meme symbols? 👀

I can’t believe you’ve done this. Under a readmore for length.

♻ Any advice on improving Tumblr RP experience?

The faster you learn to not care about other people and only do this for yourself the happier you’ll be. It’s not always easy, and I struggle sometimes too because I’m a very competitive person, but lately I’ve let myself just float between blogs wherever I’ve felt like being, doing my drafts at my own pace and it’s way less stress and made things much more manageable. Also dash only is a godsend. 

⛅  Do you believe aesthetics are another form of expression?

I mean yeah? Although I think some people do it because they feel like they have to. I’ve had people say to me they HAVE to follow the trends and aesthetics or else they feel like no one will write with them. Which is a shame. But I’ve never felt that kind of pressure so I just do what I want with mind. I think they’re fairly moderate as far as aesthetics go. 

☮ Are you feeling happy and inspired right now?

Kind of. I feel inspiration but I don’t have a lot of energy, unfortunately. It’s difficult for me to muster up the will to write after work when all I want to do is sleep lol.

☄ Has someone ever admitted to being inspired by you?

Surprisingly yes!

⚌ Who inspires you?

Oof pretty much everyone I follow. For someone specific though I’m gonna @queensloyal​ bc I was reading their threads earlier and thought their prose was really lovely. 

♋  Are there any FC’s you believe should be used more? Why?

Not really? This is the first fandom I’ve been in tbh that was more real people so I’m not well versed in faceclaims and who is/isn’t popular. 

☸ Do you reblog from the source when someone practices reblog karma or do you follow it?

Personally I don’t see why people get so upset about it, but I only reblog memes from people if I can send one in. Otherwise I’ll reblog from the source. I don’t care if they reblog from me though. 

☯ Do you believe you’re a forgiving person?

Depends on what it was for. Slight annoyances I don’t hold grudges for ( and I’ll let people know if I they did something that upset me ) but I’m not one to let people treat me badly so. 

⚑ Have you been forgiven for a mistake you’ve made?

Yes.

♛ Have you ever seen drama be maturely sorted out?

I don’t think I would have seen it if it was sorted out maturely lol.

♞ Do you tend to ignore drama?

For the most part yeah. Although I admit to being nosy. 

☾ Have you ever tried to bring peace to a situation?

When it involved people I knew personally, yes. Otherwise I wouldn’t try to get in the middle of things that aren’t my business. 

☻ Have you ever made someone a promo or a positive shoutout?

Yes!

☎ What do you think about bias lists?

They’re nice. I’m always surprised when I’m included.

☈ How many people would you say likes you?

Probably a good number. 

♡ How many people do you like? Are there any people in particular that pop up?

So many people, @bleachsthetic @graunblida @fifthbornforrester @forcemetry @ordersurvived @twinwestars @sensedechoes​ ...... many more.....

☢ What calms you down after negativity?

Idk if I would say it calms me down necessarily but really the only thing I can do is go on an anger rant in private lol. And get it all out. 

☠ What keeps you happy?

The illusion of productivity. 

☘ Is there anything that makes you instantly want to follow someone?

Uhhh they know about JFO, they’re pro-Jedi, they HC their female muse as a WLW

☕  Is it often you hear people complimenting your blog? Characters, writing, theme, icons, etc.

I wouldn’t say often, but it happens sometimes :)

☂ What’s your best RP experience?

I don’t know, I’ve been rp’ing so long and all the different fandoms I’ve been in  have had their pros and cons. I really enjoyed my stay in the Bleach fandom though with @bleachsthetic​. 

☐ What trends are you currently into?

I don’t think I’m really into any current trends? Unless you count the banners a trend lol. Writing wise I’m pretty much just bopping along doing whatever. 

★ What fandom do you consider welcoming?

Steven Universe fandom was the most welcoming fandom I’ve ever been in, although this one was pretty warm too. 

☆ What are some the perks with the fandom you’re currently in?

There’s different corners for the different parts you’re interested in. There are the prequel muses and sequel muses and original trilogy muses, depending which one is your favorite. Some are more active than others, but at least they’re all at least moderately active. And most people have AU’s for different eras. 

☉ What fandom do you believe needs improvement? What could you do to do that?

Tbh, I couldn’t say; I’m not involved in a lot of other fandoms. But speaking from experience in big fandoms, the only thing you can do really is curate your experience. People are gonna be annoying and problematic. Block and move on. 

♦ How has roleplaying on Tumblr improved since you started out?

In some ways. I think its a little bit slower than it used to be, but more in depth. So I suppose it’s a trade off. 

♨ Have you ever roleplayed with someone that has been problematic but offered critique and then watched them improve?

Uhhhhhh no. I’ve modded servers before and had to tell people why they were problematic but they just sort...of left and never improved lol. 

⚓ Are there any small details you tend to like in roleplays?

I love when there are opportunities to include head canons in actual threads, whether it be mine or my partner’s.

⚡ What are the good sides with duplicates?

Finding someone who likes the same character. JFO is a pretty small portion of the fandom. I actually don’t really see anyone writing Trilla actively atm. 

☀ What’s the best thing about roleplaying?

Meeting new people and making friends :)

⛵ What genres do you like writing the most?

Just like...random slice of life and also shippy things. 

☺  What tends to bring out your muse the most? What inspires you?

Talking and plotting ooc gets me excited to write and inspires me to tackle my drafts. 

[liskantope]

Back during my early days on Tumblr, around the time I started here actually, I started reading Questionable Content comics from the beginning, 10 per day, to catch up to the current ones (at the time the comics numbered just over 3000). The day I finished the first 1000 I blogged about it, and then after the 2000th and 3000th I reblogged to update my review. The final reblog, from December 15th, 2015, is here.

The 4000th QC comic came out on Friday, and I’ve decided that in keeping with tradition it’s time to write a review of the past 1000 (although I’m doing it in a fresh post and not reblogging because apparently back in 2015 I hadn’t discovered readmore links yet and the post would look annoyingly long). So let’s get right to it... under the readmore link which I now know is a thing.

This past thousand comics, more than the previous runs of 1000, happens to converge upon a few prominent themes and one very prominent new character: Bubbles. As Bubbles is introduced soon after comic #3000 and is then heavily developed through the next thousand comics, with many of the story arcs (including the longest one ever seen in QC) centering on her, I might call the period of this past thousand comics The Year of Bubbles or something like that if in fact it were only a year instead of almost four (The 200-Week-Period of Bubbles doesn’t roll off the keyboard quite as nicely).

More generally, this webcomic has taken the AI theme to a whole new level in the past thousand comics with Bubbles’ introduction and development only the most major component of this -- whereas the presence of AI was a very minor and almost awkward side-issue in the early days of QC, the comic has now gone full-on robot-themed. I’d estimate that something in the ballpark of one third of the content in the #3000′s was focused on robots’ interactions and relationships with each other -- I think for the first time one could say it passed the AI-rights analog of the Bechdel test. Some 1000 comics ago I remember being mildly impatient at how robot-themed the content was getting, perhaps out of a vague feeling that the human characters were the ones I identified with the most (perhaps in the QC universe, and possibly the real world before the end of my lifetime, this would be considered a semi-subconscious form of bigotry which I can’t call “human-ism” but would deserve some term). I particularly remember not being enthralled with Bubbles when she was first introduced and was slightly irritated that she was immediately taking center stage.

But Bubbles, as well as the story arcs involving AIs in general, grew on me a lot, not just as an allegory of real-life social justice issues but as stories which provoke ideas and questions that I find interesting in their own right. In the case of the comics involving Bubbles, I think they mainly show just how masterful the cartoonist Jeph Jacques’ writing and approach to character development has become. Every bit of dialog taking place between Bubbles and other characters (particularly Faye of course) is gold, often without a single word that could be changed. The sequence of scenes during the #3700′s through which Faye and Bubbles finally get together is the epitome of this and in my opinion the very best writing we’ve seen in QC.

The actual outcome of Faye and Bubbles winding up in a relationship with each other, along with all the constant hints and speculation and build-up leading up to it, now that I have much more mixed feelings about. It precisely puts its finger on one of the main ever-present aspects of the ethos of QC which I’ve complained about before more than once and wound up calling “sex-causality”. Part of me wishes I hadn’t spent as many words ranting about this issue and I’m still uncertain on exactly how I categorize it, as purely a personal distaste or something more objective that does happen in certain subcultures and is bad when pushed on members who are uncomfortable with it, or what. But I do think the slow development of Faye/Bubbles over the course of most of the past thousand comics deserves a brief discussion as an example. There are two prongs to this thing: the fact that Faye and Bubbles getting together was the outcome, and the intermittent banter of all of the other characters about that outcome through hundreds of comics in approaching it.

With regard to their getting together in a both romantic and sexual relationship, it would go against my principles to oppose something like this. That said, it’s a departure from what we knew about Faye (which, to QC’s credit, is openly acknowledged), I would imagine that in a universe with human-like still-made-of-metal AI such a thing would still be somewhat more unusual than it’s given credit for being in the comic. Then again, it’s almost impossible not to underestimate the variety and frequency of still-under-discussed sexualities that are out there (e.g. romantic love and sexual attraction towards metal objects is definitely a thing), and certainly it makes the story more interesting, which after all is part of the writer’s job. No, what I think bothers me here is what feels like an under-representation or under-recognition of profoundly intimate friendships that don’t at any point contain an element of one party wanting to sleep with the other -- does there have to be a sexual element to every relationship that’s deep? It was mainly for this reason, I guess, that once I saw a meaningful (platonic) relationship blossoming between Faye and Bubbles, and noticed how well it was written and how much good it was doing each of them, that I feel it was a really beautiful thing as it was and began actively rooting against the ship that most of the other characters were rooting for.

As for the speculation between the other characters, well, if you’ve been following QC and my posts on this issue like the one I linked to above (those of you who have even made it up to this point in this post!), then you might guess rightly that my main reaction was profound annoyance. I don’t like getting on my high horse about other mostly-inoffensive adults acting kind of immature because I’m trying to stay open to it possibly being a personal-taste thing and maybe mostly on my end, but, well, I thought a lot of the banter irritating in a way that perceived immaturity irritates me. These two comics epitomize what I find annoying, and the “You just... seem to care about her a lot, that’s all” line at the start of this one points to precisely my complaint about the existence of deep platonic friendships not being recognized. Anyway, by the time we got past the dinner conversation in the comics I just linked to, I was throwing up my hands and fully onboard with the Faye/Bubbles ship just to finally be done with all the excited speculative giggling. And as I said, when it finally did happen, the writing (including of the reactions of other characters) was fantastic.

To (finally) change the topic away from Bubbles, some of my emotional reaction to QC has shifted subtly while the last thousand comics were coming out. The period of publication from #3001 to #4000 happens to have spanned a segment of my life (which will hopefully be ending soon) in which I’ve felt quite lonely and isolated. And watching all the interactions going on in the QC world makes me feel... not nostalgic exactly because I was never really part of a social circle quite like Marten’s... but rather bittersweet because of how much I’d like to be in so many ways. QC presents a fictional environment that in the confines of my brain I often call a “social utopia” or, perhaps slightly less ridiculously, something like a “social circle / subcultural utopia”. It’s poor terminology because the QC universe on the whole isn’t a utopia in any sense of the word -- in fact there are plenty of social ills that form the backdrop of many storylines -- and even when confined to looking at how the particular social circle operates “utopia” doesn’t seem like an appropriate term. But the variety of people in the social group, the places, they meet, and the way they interact with each other all seems to click together and operate in what I would consider -- and I believe the artist Jeph Jacques would consider -- to be pretty close to idyllic. I like especially how much diversity there is among the characters, both in their backgrounds and interests as well as their quirks, and how completely at ease and accepting they are of each other in spite of or almost because of them. There’s this vibe of “We’re all a little weird but we share the same values about how to be decent human beings, so let’s all revel in our weirdness together and be there for each other through thick and thin!” (Of course there are some bad characters lying on the periphery and kinda-sorta-dicks like Sven who are mostly excluded from the group, but that’s not the core of the world.) With few exceptions, conflicts are resolved in a very systematic way and almost immediately (with only a couple of exceptions that did eventually end happily).

And as a matter of fact, even during times when I was fairly socially happy, I was never part of any group that was so exemplary in this particular way. But reading QC, which is hopefully at least somewhat drawn from the cartoonist’s own experiences, sort of gives me hope or at least a very concrete means of imagining such a crowd. And even if I did feel the need to gripe from time to time about what I call the “sex-casual” norms that permeate the group interactions, honestly in the grand scheme of things that’s just something I could live with or even enjoy if comes through in a non-pushy, non-conformist way, in order to be part of such a welcoming and healthy family.