#WAHEY ITS FUCKING DONE

[hideyseek]

11.27.2022

ITS DONE AHAHAHAA GOD ITS DONE!!

the NUMBER OF TIMES i had to stop and set my laptop down during this writing session just to tell myself OF COURSE THE READING EXPERIENCE IS JUST OKAY. OF COURSE THERE IS NO PACING AND TENSION. THE STORY DOESNT FUCKING EXIST YET and i simply DO NOT HAVE THE SKILLS TO WEAVE IN PACING AND TENSION WHEN I AM DOING A ROUGH DRAFT which is a NORMAL FUCKING EXPERIENCE TO HAVE JESUS CHRIST. LOL!

ok putting the rest under a readmore bc it suddenly occurs to me that these are really fucking long lol sorry guys

WHEW i will say the main thing i learned from this experience is that word count really doesn’t do it for me. having a roughly 250 wordcount expectation each time i sit down is helpful, but reaching a total wordcount is not nearly as much a feeling of accomplishment for me as i expected / as i think “drafting a full arc” might be. but also!!! it is NOT BAD to gently train myself to recognize and accept markers of progress that are not just “a completed and perfect longfic” bc hello i would only get one milestone at the end and would that sustain me? no!!!!!!! lol i accept that i must constantly fight my brain’s tendency toward perfectionism in every aspect of my life but god its annoying in this one

but it’s DONE and somehow with 150 words to go i suddenly sat down and drafted two full scenes??? well. whatever it’ll be useful. i’m remembering why the birthday party scene isn’t part of the first draft and it is because oh my god i sure do try to shove five or six different plot-relevant scenes into the span of what is probably a two hour event lol. WHATEVER IT IS FINE. I WILL MOVE THEM AROUND TO A LESS INSANE ORGANIZATION IN REVISIONS. WHICH I AM NOT AT YET. BC I AM DRAFTING. GOD.

but yeah if i could just GENTLY ENCOURAGE MYSELF TO ACCEPT that the first draft WILL BE ALL OVER THE PLACE PACING-WISE EVEN THOUGH I AM WORKING WITH A PRETTY DETAILED OUTLINE because IT IS A FIRST FUCKING DRAFT AND IT IS ACCOMPLISHING WHAT THE FIRST DRAFT NEEDS TO DO WHICH IS GODDAMN EXIST ONLY. anything else like characterization or coming up with a plot point or figuring out beats of a character arc or identifying a location for something IS ALL FUCKING BONUSES!!! hidey its BONUSES!!!!

godddddddddddddddd. anyway this is like. completely stream of consciousness this is just how i fucking think btw if u were curious. possibly this is also what the experience of talking to me is like but i wouldnt know

ANYWAY this has been exciting. i was kinda fucking going through it irl this month so only ended up writing maybe half the days? but it’s really encouraging to still have hit my wordcount goal and even if i don’t remember anything i wrote, at least to know the writing exists! i can’t revise nothing after all!!!

ok i am CLOSING THE DOC bc i am FORBIDDEN FROM FUCKING WITH IT but i DID read TWO SENTENCES that seemed like genuinely interesting and functional sentences that conveyed events happening! hurrah! what the fuck is even metrics for good writing? who KNOWS! ok no more looking at the doc however i CAN OPEN A NEW DOC for DECEMBER DRAFTING MATERIAL bc this month by month thing seems GENUINELY DOABLE!!!! GENUINELY SO.

WOW what a relief to have figured this out! of course it might not last which is totally fine but like FOR NOW IT SEEMS DOABLE. AND THEN WE WILL SEE!!!

i definitely leaned a lot into just uh, supplying haiji my direct internal dialogue for several of the scenes from today. what is a scene who FUCKING KNOWS i am just calling it a scene WHO KNOWS OK WHATEVER. french scenes if its a new guy its a new scene WHO KNOWS ok! and i definitely have been leaning A LOT into “telling so goddamn much about haiji’s internal state rather than just showing it” bc i have NO IDEA HOW TO FIGURE OUT THAT BALANCE. how is the reader experiencing it i wonder!! IDK BUT I WILL JUST WAIT AND READ IT OVER AND THAT WILL SOLVE MY PROBLEM GRRR genuinely this advice helpfully stops my brain in its tracks so consistently

ok!!!! yes! its done!!! it is done! i will worry about pacing and foreshadowing and consistent motifs and metaphors and imagery and canonical characterization and ALL THAT STUFF LATER which is NORMAL AND FINE bc those are THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT IN REVISION ANYWAY. first draft just needs to EXIST!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT KIND OF DOES!!

i do think i will want to do a few more things: set up a longer doc to collect all this draft material in order as i create it month by month (reminding myself the goal is semi-consistency and NOT setting a really high bar i cannot meet! 7k mercifully seems to have been a good estimate and yes my brain does want to be a stupid gremlin and say i should shoot for 10k but NO once again we are looking for CONSISTENCY which means it needs to be DOABLE WITHOUT RUINING MY LIFE!), i think i want to organize that doc / my draft material in general by “arc” lol whatever that means, and also paste in the rest of the scenes… actually i wonder if a notion doc would be better NO NO NO MORE FUCKING PLATFORMS GODDAMN JUST GSUITE FOR NOW. lol ok so maybe a doc for the “pre-aotake” section, one for “the bit between that and the birthday party” (?? this section is SUPER LOOSE IN MY MIND), one for “birthday party” if only bc that has like seven scenes in it. lol god i wish there was git diff for google docs …… i KNOW i have a few different versions of a couple scenes and it would be really useful if i could stash them somehow next to each other… OK nevermind just ONE DOC to fit everything together, its not long enough to break google docs yet, i don’t need to make arbitrary buckets when i haven’t even looked at the material. i can trust that the buckets WILL COME and become sharper and more clear in my head over time!

IT IS OKAY FOR ME TO BE IN THE TREES AND NOT LOOKING AT THE FOREST RIGHT NOW SO TO SPEAK. THAT IS WHAT DRAFTING FUCKING IS! aaaaargh!!!

ok i actually think next month i want to have 5k as my goal bc holiday obligations PLUS i will be writing for inception secret saito (!!!!) and relearning how my revision process works at a smaller scale so that will take some time. yeah that seems good!!

ok! and YES i feel like i could keep working THIS IS THE PLACE TO STOP. AND ALSO THE FEELING TO STOP ON. i need to practice NOT DIGGING MYSELF INTO A PIT JUST TO FEEL LIKE I “ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING” there are already things that got done!!! if i end eager to keep working that will possibly carry over into my next session and make everything pleasant and energetic instead of a big fucking drag!!!!

ok GOODBYE this is the longest fucking update in the whole wide world im gonna have to go on desktop to add a read more. if u are still reading here hi mwah i love and appreciate you lets be friends

[unitedbydevils]

Match Review: Brighton & Hove Albion 0-2 Manchester United

Wahey, the league season's over. Fuck off.

I'm sticking by ETH In... but...

I have to caveat it. I just have to. United are 8th at the end of the season with -1 goal difference. We're the 6th fewest goals conceded in the league somehow, but I honestly think that's down to individual skill. You can point out that we've had no fixed defence etc etc, but we do have good players - just not great ones - and people like Maguire are good at backs against the wall stuff.

So, today's match. A rare win against Brighton that elevates us nowhere up the table and behind Newcastle on goal difference. Amazing. I feel so happy. Blessed even. We were dogshit in the first half and barely better in the second. Dalot's goal was nice, and Hojlund's a good bit of striker play from the Dane, but other than those two moments... nah. Sloppy in possession, ponderous in our progression up the field, and daydreaming at times in defence. Nice. My hope is that players are also fed up of a shit season. Maybe.

Today we looked like City are going to rod us at Wembley. It might be a humiliation. Our only hope is that Martinez is a bit fitter after today, and maybe Varane can start. Casemiro does not have the discipline to not kaibosh Haaland's pace blitzing past him.

If we win the FA Cup then the season is somewhat salvaged. Silverware is the ultimate goal of any team. The problem is that we don't play like a team and don't really deserve anything from this awful campaign. Injuries aside, we've not shown strategy. Maybe ETH is teaching the players things and they're just not listening. Take that up with INEOS. In the meantime, you have to adapt in some fashion.

The reintroduction of Amrabat was good, albeit he was meh today. The introduction of Amad has also been very welcome and generally profitable. These things came too late in the season though. More rotation was needed. Ole shagged our players (pause) by overusing them. Erik's done similar, and the injury crisis has been its own self-fulfilling prophecy of rushed back out of necessity -> crocked.

Should we not qualify for Europe (because it's win the cup or we're not in anything) then I would be demanding top four next season - admittedly with reinforcements in the summer. We need a proper CDM (keep Amrabat as backup, whatever). We need to replace Varane at RCB. We need a LB. We need another striker. We might even need a RW (hi Olise).

Use the free time without the extra games to coach, coach, coach. Drill tactics and gameplans into these players til it leaks out of every pore. Can't do it? They don't play and they don't stay. We need to bin off thick players and weak minds. This is Manchester United.

Weak minds applies to the coach too though. If Erik can't show improvement next year, and if he can't tactically adapt, then you say thanks for the three years but it's done, bye bye. Our players are better than eighth. Ten Hag's tactics are too though, and some of the play this year there's no way you can say well, the manager must have told him to fuck that up. Nope. Players have been getting things wrong of their own accord. Rashford's lost his confidence in beating the man, Garnacho's decision making is wank. Antony is a one-foot womble. The list goes on.

Big clearout. Big reset. Big resurgence. Time to fix up.

[goddamnmuses-a]

Dan Watches: Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope

Alright so I did this for Episode I which you can find here and then Episode II which you can find here and then Episode III which you can find here. So here’s my weird live reaction/note taking/whatever this is.. to Episode lV.

I remember this being my favourite of the original trilogy because it sets everything up and basically kick started everything but lets see if that changes when i’ve finally got through all of these. 

Also I’m just watching whatever version i can find online because I can’t be bothered to go and find my dvd of it so yeah.. whether we get weird updated version or original effects or whatever, who knows. 

All the old effects like how C3p0 looks and r2d2 are impressive. 

There wasn’t really anything in the opening crawl i felt like commenting on, no big THEY DID THAT IN THE OPENING? but i guess it’s the first one that came out so that makes sense. 

WTF did the stormtroopers use to get that door open, that was so explosive wtf.

Also the blasters are like set to 10000 and smoke is everywhere. 

How did nobody shoot the dorids?

Yooo little Ani nice suit my dude. 

Hold on, she sent a msg with r2 to go to Obiwan which for 1 howd she know he’s alive? I’m gonna presume her dad said or something and 2.. ..why not just.. go yourself? 

So when they’re set to stun a Stormtrooper can shoot someone no problem

Also we dont get enough stun weird circle blaster shots

Ohhhh she didnt go because the scan for lifeforms thing alright ill allow it

but my dude.. even so.. maybe just shoot it just in case? like.. droids exist and people know about them?

DARTH VADERS LITTLE HANDS ON HIPS! Omfg he’s like “God damn, this bitch again.”

This Vader is a sassy boy. 

I love this guy who works with Vader and doesnt mind chatting back to him. 

Loving the droids in the desert. 

R2 does not look like it would work in a desert. 

C3 like “He tricked me into going this way” stop being a lil bich. 

WOOTINI!

The crawler thingy is badass. 

I thought that was a magnet it was just a big sucky pipe. 

GONK

Oh yep theres the new effects. 

Droids sleep? I guess power saver mode. 

Wtf is that dome droid

Luke! Luuuuuke! Iconic 2 words there. Well reused for that episode of Rebels where Obiwan watches from a distance. 

Bocce.. what a classic language. 

OMG OWEN JUST LET HIM GO INTO TOSHE STATION TO PICK UP SOME POWER CONVERTERS JEEEEZ 

How is that “wasting time with friends” and not chores, going into town to get something sounds like a chore to me. 

Why did they get an atromech anyway? Like.. what’d they need the other droid for? 

C3 is a real bro lbh, if it wasn’t for him, R2 would be with the jawa still. 

Oooh oil bath. sexy. 

I wonder if people ship R2 and C3 because tbh it makes sense to me. 

Luke got an erection at the mention of the rebellion. 

Now it’s getting harder at that random blurry image of his sister. 

R2 is a cheeky lil shit. 

This is just some good home life shit. 

Dat soundtrack. 

You know what.. it’s a really nice home. 

Is it just me or is Owen dressed kinda Jedi-y. 

So is “Sand People” like the racist way to say “Tusken Raider”?

Obiwan, thats a ridiculous fucking noise. 

“Hello There” iconic. 

You know what the Prequels do add a lot to this. 

A young Jedi named Darth Vader.. im sorry.. thats just not a name. 

For someone who wants to get off the planet, Lukes like “Naa but i gotta get home”

Obiwan also just being like “You know what, fuck it here.. lets go.”

You know what as much of a bitch as that guy who gets force choked is, he’s a good actor. 

Also Tarkin yay. 

NOOOOO OWEN AND BERU! YOU BASTARDS!

I feel like he should have dropped to his knees or something there. 

That is a scary droid. 

Cool door close. 

Thats a weird ass CG droid with a hole in. 

None of the other storm troopers gonna wonder why Dave’s being weird? 

Wahey! Figrin Dan and the Model Nodes! Love that Jizz music. 

Who just ugs on the back of a bartenders shirt? Wtf Luke

Yo he didnt even pay for his drink, free drinks?

Who gets the death sentance in 12 systems and goes around bragging? 

The first arm cut off and theres all sortsw of blood which there shouldnt be because lightsabers cauterize the wound, tut tut. 

Gooood scene with Han and Obi, honestly i keep forgetting to comment because im just watching xD

Wahey! Greedo 

If we’re doing a han shot first thing.. Greedo shot first in this version and missed and then Han shot him but tbh i prefer the Han shot first.. makes him more interesting. 

Jabba looks smaller. 

Casual Boba Fett appearance. 

Yooo Poncho. My boy Cal approves. 

Fuck those weird long nose aliens. 

The Falcon looks so good. 

Get those poor guys by the Death Star laser a damn rail. 

We just cool with igniting the lightsaber in front of Han and Chewie? Chewie at least knows wtf it is.

Chewie is a badass. 

Let the Wookie win. 

WTF that isnt the lightspeed effect.. it’s like a weird blanket tunnel 

The fact they get onto the Death Star with no issue is kind of ridiculous. 

The motion of Darth Vader is kinda just.. not fitting right. 

Han just pat Chewie like hes a dog. Rude. 

Han just gets caught up in this without a choice rly. 

He just wants those sweet credits. 

Also Set Design on Star Wars is amazing. 

Leia just lounging all sexy like 

Also does she have a stain on her tit? .. Not that im looking >.>

The Jedi being called a religion is kinda weird but i guess accurate. 

This has to be the worst star to a friendship for all three of them. Chewie seems cool though. 

I also thought the trash compactor scene was earlier on in this movie than it is. 

Who the fucks voice was it that said “Thats your imagination” ? 

How the fuck are they standing if the water is that deep?

I liek the touch of the monster whos name im sure i learnt but forgot let go as if it knew the trash compactor was about to turn on, that implies it has a safe spot down there that it stays. 

Some of the voices sound off on this but ah well 

Hans already a little Handsy with Leia but i think Harrison Ford was sleeping with Carie at the time so like.. i get it. 

Obiwan just strolling about, as you do. 

I love just these giant pits with walkways with no rails. If I worked on the Death Star it’d be a nightmare for me to get around. 

“NO WAIT THEY’LL HEAR!” ...and they’re not gonna hear you shouting?

Stormtroopers just shooting the shit is the best. 

You know what with everyone being like “Wow that ships a shitheap.” I can understand why the prequels made their ships look nicer and newer. 

I love that shooting a door panel in star wars just makes it so the doors wont open at all, thats some good shit. 

Lukes as bad of a shot as a Stormtrooper. 

First little kissy incesty moment but hey it was on the cheek, universally thats fine but im sure at the time this was him setting up that Luke and Leia were gonna end up together, before he decided they were siblings. 

Vader just standing there, lightsaber already out like “Ahhh Mr.Kenobi I’ve been expecting you”

As lack luster as the chroeography is in this fight im kinda thinking of it as like, they’re reading each other, like Obiwan and Maul’s final fight. 

I don’t really know why Obiwan just chooses to die like that but heyo. 

Vader stomping on Obiwans clothes? Why? I guess because he gave himself to the force and thats the first time he’s seen that? 

I love the gunner seats moving around, idk why i just love it. 

Whats the point of the ear peices if they’re just gonna shout at each other. 

Not mentioned it until now but everyone says Leia wrong. 

They’re really harsh to Han tbf

This is like if you got an Uber to a place and then the Uber driver got pulled into a police station because you’re a terrorist and then you have a go at the Uber driver for wanting to leave after he’s got you out of there. 

Another kiss for Luke.. .. okay

I like how Biggs earlier scenes are deleted so when he shows up it’s just this random dude who somehow knows Luke

That air traffic control guy has no idea what hes doing, nobody is even in the air yet or moving, wait. 

Man X wings are cool, makes me think of Battlefronts VR mission thing where you get to pilot one and it’s the coolest VR thing ive done. 

For a space station the size of a moon you’d think they’d have enough fighters to just wipe out the rebels no biggy. 

ALSO if they know the rebel base is on that planet, why not just blow that planet up? 

YAY WEDGE

The targetting computer seems very invasive. 

Those turrets are useless. 

I would have rated it if they let that random dude blow up the Death Star.

Tarkins thinking face is beautiful. What a man, 

If Luke missed this shot, everyone knows he’s turned his targetting computer off, so they would be PISSED

RIP R2. 

HWHAT!? 

Woooo Mr.Solo. 

Well.. Well done Luke you killed a lot of people, some just trying to do a job and live their lives. 

Han, Leia and Luke all went off together all holding each other.. like.. Threesome? 

I’m sorry but after that, someones doing some fucking. 

Leia just giving her lovers, dont @ me, a medal. Thats why Chewie doesnt get one, he wasnt there for the orgy. 

R2 looking fresh. 

You know what, that is a good complete story that actually works on its own, i appreaciate that. 10/10. :P

[backofthebookshelf]

some vintage season two magnus archives theories

(this is 1000% self-indulgence, ignore me)

Dec. 11, 2016 - I will bet you anything that [Jonathan (we always called him Jonathan back then)] had a serious run-in with a supernatural something early in life, and he’s…avoiding becoming the vampire-hunter guy, but only because he’s squeamish.

Dec. 16, 2016 - if grbookworm1818 is not someone at the Institute then nothing means anything / What do we think: Did Gerard kill his mother, or was she turning herself into a book and he just cleaned up the mess?

Dec. 29, 2016 - I kind of wonder if our antiquarian friend has any relationship to the guy in Amsterdam with the coffin. It can’t have been the same person, obviously - if nothing else it’s strongly implied that whatever was in the coffin ate that guy - but for some reason I keep expecting that story to come back, and not just Breekon & Hope.

Jan. 9, 2017 - Can we think of The Archivist as a title with meaning?  I know Rusty Quill uses it to refer to Jonathan Sims the character since the writer decided to use his own name.  But does it have in universe meaning as well?(@fedorasandstuff)

Jan. 11, 2017 - But the real question is…Are the tunnels under the archives also Michael? [Can't get 'em all right.]

Jan. 12, 2017 - Also of concern: I’ve been assuming for a while that some of the factions in whatever supernatural chess game/cold war is going on were assuming that Jonathan as Archivist was roughly on a par with Gertrude as Archivist (actually, I’m pretty sure that some of them are not totally clear on the difference between one human and another, but it amounts to the same thing), and Jonathan has basically just admitted to Michael that he has no fucking clue what’s going on, and if Gertrude meant to leave him anything, he didn’t get it. (Except possibly some kind of protection on the Archive itself, which may or may not be directly her influence.) And we still don’t know if Michael is part of a faction or what any of the faction’s goals might be, except that Michael thinks that “this place” has an interesting impact on things and it doesn’t want that to stop just yet. Basically Jonathan’s just lost a card he didn’t know he could have played, which is almost definitely not good. [At least we know Jon isn't trying to manipulate anyone, he couldn't if he tried.]

Jan. 12, 2017 - And I’m kind of screaming internally? I have a few more headcanons now, I suppose? But mainly, the lightless flame/closed eye cult, seems to have it out for anyone associated with the seeing eye (and also Gertrude Robinson). Considering that Johann von Württembergs tomb and book collection also had the seeing eye as a symbol, I wonder if the Magnus Institute is somehow connected to the seeing eye as well. I have no idea where I’m going with this, or if there is some connection, but yeah. (@flammenkobold) [There are literally two notes on this post, my like and my reblog]

Jan. 12, 2017 - But my strong suspicion is that most creatures in this universe, and Michael especially, are not one of a type, they’re their own thing. But I do think that we’ve seen more of Michael than is immediately obvious. (More to come as I progress through the re-listen, but abandoned houses are…definitely a thing.)

Jan. 12, 2017 - It would amuse me tremendously if the whole of the Magnus Institute boils down to a grant-generating machine for the Archives.

Jan. 13, 2017 - But Gertrude died literally THE DAY AFTER “Antonio Blake” came in to give his statement about his dream about her death…so who filed that statement? Was someone just cleaning up in preparation for the new Archivist and stuck it in a box? Or was someone else moving files around for some other reason after Gertrude’s death? [This one still hasn't been answered, wahey!]

Jan. 14, 2017 - I don’t think Gertrude was… arrogant enough, if that’s the word I want, to believe she’d live forever… unless there’s more going on with her than I’ve even begun to suspect.  But she may have had a beginning Archivist box ready.  (@fedorasandstuff)

Jan. 15, 2017 - [in response to a question about your favorite one-off character]: Julia Montauk. I love that she’s not in denial but she’s coping pretty well – both about her father being a serial killer and about the supernatural. She’s pretty sure there’s something fucked up going on above and beyond the serial murder, but she’s happy leaving it alone, thank you very much, she just wants to get it out of her head so that she can move on with her life. I hope she’s still doing well.

Jan. 16, 2017 - [notes on re-listening] I’m torn on whether the apparition Lensik sees in the house causes burning because Raymond Fielding died in a fire, or because it’s somehow connected to the what I’m referring to as the Fire Nation faction (see also: First Aid, Burnt Offering). / Honestly, Trevor is so damn cool that I’m willing to bet he never crops up again. / Is Jonathan being watched by the Beholders? (I’m becoming more convinced that the closed eye/open eye isn’t two different factions but two levels of the same faction: the bronze versus silver pendant would seem to support that.) / “I believe every word. I’ve seen what Leitner’s work can do.” Which, all things considered, is pretty strong stuff coming from Jonathan Sims. I wonder if it was a run-in with a Leitner that got him working for the Institute in the first place?

Jan. 17, 2017 - I was just thinking about the last episode and making myself sad because John was ready to physically fight Michael over Helen doesn’t even KNOW Michael took Sasha (@regulusly) #shit is gonna go DOWN when he finds out

Jan. 18, 2017 - You know, I’m starting to think that I really like Gerard Keay.

Feb. 3, 2017 - Is Jonathan’s sarcasm his only defense against the creeping influence of The Archivist in his life?

Feb. 9, 2017 - new theory: everyone working at the Institute is a pod person. They hire potheads and dropouts and people with weird academic backgrounds and as soon as they get close to anything real they get replaced by beings from an alternate dimension, just like Not!Sasha. They missed Tim because he was out on medical leave after the attack; it’s just a matter of time now. Martin’s secret is that he’s been working there since 2002 and kind of knows everything and is not yet a pod person.

Feb. 15, 2017 - Although what do they both expect?  To find a tape where Gertrude says “No!  Elias, you Fiend!  You’ll never get away with it!” (@fedorasandstuff)

Mar. 1, 2017 - The new episode has me thinking again about the Observer - the presence in the Archives that Jonathan thinks has an opinion about what his opinion about statements is, also probably connected to the panopticon prison, the nurse who felt the thing watching her when Gerard Kaey was in the hospital, the open eye and/or the closed eye motif that keeps recurring, and whatever it was that caused Gertrude to cut the eyes out of pictures of people on her books. Specifically, it has me thinking about the observer effect - that sometimes things change when they’re seen. This is a major horror trope, although it’s not usually called out so directly: monsters that move only when you’re not looking at them, things that lose their power when they’re seen and named directly, things that can exist only in the darkness. (There’s a nice resonance with the Montorks for you.) Is there something Gertrude was doing that she didn’t want the Observer to know about, or that could only be done unseen? What is the Observer - is it a direct relic of the panopticon (it would make sense as a genius loci kind of like Michael) or was the panopticon built in response to it, or to summon it? Whose purposes does the Observer serve - is it allied with the Institute on the whole, or with any particular faction? Or is it like Michael in that it has its own purposes that everyone else has relatively little to do with? (That seems unlikely to me at this point; I think the Observer is one of the core story points of this season.) Is it watching for a reason, or does it watch simply so that things are seen and known? #the magnus archives #yep it's meta time #i'm becoming attached to the idea that the observer is there for the protection of the archivist #somehow

May 17, 2017 - As to the Archives and the structures it imposes…I’m starting to wonder if it isn’t just that the Archives won’t let them go, but if there is a specific set of roles that it needs filled. We know Gertrude didn’t have assistants, and I’m starting to suspect that that was intentional on her part. But what if the Archives doesn’t just latch onto people and refuse to let go of them? What if it needs there to be a skeptic, and a caretaker, and the paranoid one, and - is not!Sasha part of the Archives’ structure, or is she a disruption of it? I feel like finding out more about where not!Sasha comes from and what her goals might be will be a key turning point in our understanding of this whole mess.

June 15, 2017 - Theory for the finale: Jonathan goes down into the tunnels, gets himself in hopelessly over his head, Tim and Martin come to the rescue, not!Sasha is revealed

June 28, 2017 - I’m starting to wonder if the real division in the supernatural ecosystem isn’t between things that use humans as vehicles and things that don’t? [Hey, uh, are there Powers that don't have human Avatars? This might still be a thing.]

June 29, 2017 - I do like the idea that there are people who basically cannot be fucked with, but then - why go to the Archives? She isn’t interested in a followup, she isn’t trying to process anything, she’s just sharing data. That screams pod person to me: something is trying to get Jonathan’s attention.

[gastropodracing]

5-13 ayoooooooooo and 17-24 morgen

IFINALLY I CAN ANSWER THIS LAST ONE.

AYO

5) Describe your character’s dream date.

Ayo’s dream date would be going to a really bad action movie with her boyfriend, getting burgers after, and ending the night with warm cider/hot chocolate cuddled on the couch, passionately discussing how horrible the film was. She gets really starry-eyed over bad films and her boyfriend.

6) What is your character’s sexual orientation?

Ayo is straight. She’s like my only OC that’s straight anymore. Her boyfriend, too. I’m so sorry.

7) How does your character feel about their name?

Ayo doesn’t really love or hate her name. Her mom is from Nigeria, her dad is Japanese-American, and her first name is from her mother’s country. She has a Japanese surname. She finds a lot of people think she has a straight Japanese name and erase Ayo’s origin. It’s especially annoying for her because she also doesn’t look even remotely Asian (she’s almost a carbon copy of her mother but has a looser hair texture), so sometimes she’ll announce her name and say “I’m Ayo, and I’m black and Japanese.” 

8)  Does your character hate anyone? Why?

She doesn’t hate anyone, but there are a few people she has some strong negative opinions about. Ayo super does not get along with Rosary very well (for obvious reasons), but she doesn’t hate her, either. She also has a really contentious relationship with one of her older sisters, which is understandable (said sister is a flake and pretty self-serving). 

9) How does your character feel about religion?

Ayo grew up fairly secular. Her father grew up with some Shinto practices, but he carried relatively few onward. Her mother is Christian and holds very personal views; she never forced her kids to go to church growing up. Ayo went with her mother for a number of years voluntarily, but fell off a bit in high school. Overall, Ayo views religion as something ultimately positive; she sees that it gives her mother strength and has helped her to love and forgive. She herself doesn’t particularly feel religious and would consider herself to be agnostic, but she views people with strong faith favorably.

10) Would your character ever kill someone?

Ayo is the least likely of any oc I’ve ever made to kill someone. She gets mad at Rosary for fucking squaring up with demons.

11) How did your character meet their best friend?

So her best friend was a girl named Sharon (yeah Sharon in a modern age wahey). Sharon went to Catholic school until sixth grade, but they played softball together in community youth leagues during the summer. When Sharon came to public school, she was quickly taken in by Ayo and they became fast friends outside of the context of warmup buddies. Ahhhh man. RIP Sharon tho.

12) How would/does your character feel about roller coasters?

Ayo loves rollercoasters omg. Amusement parks are the best.

13) What would your character die for?

Ayo would die to see Sharon again ;-; she really misses her best friend. 

MORGEN

17) Does your character have any irrational fears?

Ummmmm so many? He’s afraid of looking foolish. He’s afraid of being wrong. He’s also super afraid of flightless birds. You mention emus to him and the color drains from his face. He really fears cars, especially being buckled into a car. He hates riding in them. He’ll turn into a bird (non-flightless) and fly before riding somewhere. 

18) How would your character feel about having their life recorded?

He’d equal parts love it and hate it. He could really show off and peacock, but OH NO WHAT IF HE MAKES A MISTAKE AND OTHERS SEE IT???? OH NOOOOO. Its equal parts blessed and cursed.

19) What is your character’s deepest, darkest secret?

That his true form is extremely radioactive and can cause radiation poisoning if you’re directly exposed to him in that form for like an hour lol

20) What is the most surprising thing about your character?

Despite his fears of being seen as imperfect, he has absolutely zero qualms about falling asleep on couches, in the middle of the rug, in a pile of Rosary’s pets, on Ayo’s bed (making for awkward situations with her boyfriend before they become dysfunctional memey friends.)

21) Is your character flexible?

He could make himself flexible, and I think that’s what counts here.

22) What is the worst thing your character has ever done?

Hmmmmmm he’s done a lot of really bad things in his past because he gets contracted and whatnot (he’s technically not a demon but has enough in common with them to count ya know?). He screwed over a friend of his in such a way that destroyed their physical form and it took them like 500 years to regenerate if that counts. The details of that are...foggy.

23) Is your character morally gray, black, or white? 

He’s pretty morally gray. He has really high moral standards on some things--don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t steal. But Morgen is pretty lax on a lot of things, and he doesn’t seem to bat an eye at having to extort or harm if he has to. A lot of things, though, seem to come down to perceived necessity with him.

24) What prejudices does your character have? 

He and Rosary absolutely bond over hating demons. He’s also, as I said, quite prejudiced toward flightless birds.

[alexanderwrites]

Thoughts Roundup - Twin Peaks: The Return, Part 7

                               “There’s a body, alright”

A note: From here on out, i’m going to be rounding up my thoughts on new episodes of Twin Peaks: The Return week by week. I wrote a review of the first two episodes, but given my love for the show and the complexity of the episodes, typical reviews might be tricky, and it’d be a lot more fun to write in a looser format. So, i’m going to bullet-point my thoughts, which I promise will get boring and erratic.

. I’m really glad to see Jerry Horne again. He’s always been a favourite of mine, and even if this is pretty much all he does this season (which I imagine it will be), that’s good enough for me. Interesting that he mentions his car being stolen - there seems to be a lot about stolen cars this season. Whether they’re linked or just a common theme is open for debate. Maybe Frost or Lynch got their car nicked around the time of writing the series. 

. I absolutely adore Hawk having such a big part this series. It makes such logical sense that he’d have larger responsibilities within the department, and seeing him with the pages from Laura’s diary was immensely satisfying. The reference that Laura makes in the diary to the ‘dream’ she had of Annie is further reference to Fire: Walk With Me, which, if you haven’t seen it yet, is pretty much essential to this season so far. 

. I found it really interesting that Truman wasn’t surprised or confused at the mention of Cooper being trapped in the Black Lodge. He didn’t even ask what it was, so i’m guessing this was a chat the folks in the department had with him when he took the job. “Oh, b-t-dubs, there’s a gateway to what might be hell in the woods. Ask your brother about it And always make another pot of coffee if you finish it off”. I also found Truman, who until now hadn’t done much for me, pretty moving in his scenes tonight. His expression during his call to his terminally ill brother (we miss you, Harry! Kind of!) was rendered painfully on Robert Forster’s face - and I was really moved to see Doc Hayward, even briefly. He’s so visibly frail and old, and seeing all these old (and I mean OLD) faces really hits home the passing of time. There’s an everyday tragedy and pain in seeing it, made particularly poignant that Warren Frost (and several other cast members) passed away not so long ago. I keep wanting the Log Lady to come in with words of beauty and comfort about time passing and the world changing, but i’m not sure we’ll see her again (the actress, Catherine Coulson, passed away in 2015). It’s both saying hello, and goodbye, and the acknowledgement this show has always had that everything must pass is deeply affecting. I wasn’t expecting this series to make me ruminate on the nature of life and death so much. Thanks, assholes. 

Hayward talks about Cooper the morning he comes back from the Lodge - It’s so strange to hear the events of the morning that Cooper rammed his damn head into the mirror get discussed. It really drives home that the moment you’ve been thinking about for the past 2,000 years is getting some context and elucidation. It’s very, very cool. 

. Sheriff Truman pulls a small log-shaped handle and a computer monitor emerges from his desk. If you have a better example of old Twin Peaks merging with the modern world, i’d like to see it. Then i’d like to install it in my house.

. Harold Smith, that sad flower dweeb from season 2, got a mention! Again, it’s odd hearing references to smaller plot points in the series, but then again Doug and Duane Milford got a lot of attention in The Secret History of Twin Peaks. Turns out Doug was a flying saucer chaser, and with the amount of words he gets in the book, i’d be surprised if he’s not even passingly mentioned this season. 

. As well as not crying anymore, Andy has a new Rolex to go along with his new Michael Cera. I’m not sure where the story will go with the no-show guy who said he couldn’t talk to Andy, but I feel like its probably related to the drug story that seems to be running in the background. 

. Laura Dern, we love you. All of us. Every last one. Even with the most difficult to please of viewers, I doubt there’ll be a single complaint about her because she is the fucking best. It’s interesting that Diane’s so seemingly broken, leading us to wonder why - there were never really any clues about her personality, but you get the feeling that she was friendly, from the mere fact that Cooper talked to her via tapes so kindly and openly. So what happened? Bad Coop happened, is what. 

. I was pleasantly surprised at how swiftly the plot developed in this episode -  right after agreeing to meet Doppelcoop, they’re jetting off to see him. If this had been a few episodes earlier, it might’ve taken a while for them to get to it, but this episode knocked it out pretty efficiently. I didn’t think the show was too slow before, but it is a nice change of pace to get an episode with so much development.

. The windows on the jet disappear and reappear, right? I mean, I rewound that several times and they surely do. It’s not the light hitting them funny - they flash. I’m sure of it.

. Tammy hasn’t been given too much screentime yet, despite doing fairly important work - even though it seems Gordon has already sussed out the tasks she undertakes. He seems to be testing her abilities, which is why he assigns her to take over the research of the dossier, which makes up The Secret History of Twin Peaks. The scene where Gordon touches her fingers and says “I’m very, very happy to see you again, old friend” is funny, weird and ingenious. Gordon feels a lot like Cooper, but then, he always has. With his love of food, nature and coffee, and being filled with an affinity for everything, Gordon is an older Cooper and I hope he gets to see his old friend again. 

. Dern’s performance when she meets Doppelcooper is phenomenal and all registered in her fearful expression. It’s a gorgeously framed scene, with her head floating in the darkness of the room, looking at the man who is Not Her Friend. Her reference to that night is certainly ominous, but it did cross my mind that she was feeding him false information to see if he’d take it. Her reaction in the car park afterwards seems to suggest that it was true, though. Everyone seems to be in pain both from the absence of Cooper and from the presence of Doppelcooper. And it leads you to wonder again: what the fuck has Doppelcooper been up to these 25 years? And once again - both kudos and screw you to Kyle MacLachlan for being so utterly brilliant and frightening as Doppelcooper, especially in this prison scenes, where his voice seems to be slowed to a possessed and deep slur. This new season keeps offering up the chance to use such weird sentences: Kyle MacLachlan is terrifying and Matthew Lillard is scene stealing. 

. Of course the body was Garland Briggs. It had to be. Or did it? Who knows! It’s decades younger than it should be, and Briggs supposedly died in a fire a long time ago. We know he was taken by one of the lodges back in season 2, and has experienced the white lodge. We might wonder that if, after that, he gained some sort of...power? How else was his head floating in space those episodes back? And again with the bodiless heads! The nightmare bastard roaming the halls in this episode is the same ghoul whose head floated away in the first episode, and Josie Packard’s headless (or faceless, at least) body was, in an original script, supposed to be seen in a black lodge scene. People losing their heads seems to be a common theme again. Would it have been too on the nose, and i might add, awful, if Where’s Your Head At? had played in the morgue scene? It’s hard to be on the nose when you haven’t got a head! Wahey!

. This episode is very light on Cooper (i’m not going to call him DougieCooper because he’s not Dougie! He just wears his bad clothes sometimes!), but he came along almost as soon as I thought “Hey, where’s Coop?”. Naomi Watts kills it again with her impatient anger, and I love that she’s written as someone at her wit’s end (or should that be Watt’s end? Nope, it shouldn’t) but that still cares for her dumbass husband. And then we get maybe our clearest answer that Coop is still Coop: he kicks a bit of ass. It’s a very satisfying and well choreographed fight, and the Arm popping up to give fight advice was kinda cool and kinda funny. It seems that the lodge dwellers, or at least some of them, are helping Coop. Mike, The giant, and the Arm have all advised him, and seemingly given him some special insights. I think they want Cooper alive so he can, to paraphrase GOB Bluth, return Doppelcoop from whence he came. He was due back in, as that call in episode 1 told him, so maybe the lodge spirits are getting utterly fed up on waiting on his ass. They’re letting Coop live so he can go and sort it out. It has been 25 years after all. Stop hogging Bob, bro. 

. Some interesting stylistic choices in the news coverage scenes after the fight which felt like they were from another show, but I kinda dug it anyway. Will someone in Twin Peaks see Cooper in the news footage and put two and two together? I’m not in a massive rush for Cooper to wake up - but it will be spectacularly rewarding once he does.

. Is Josie haunting the hotel? Last we saw her, she was trapped in a doorknob, and Pete (we miss you Pete! Really!) was seeing her face above the fireplace (the nonchalance of that moment always really freaked me out), and now there is a sourceless humming sound throughout the hotel, which kind of sounds like the mystical ringing sound that we hear whenever The Giant rocks up. It really is happening again, isn’t it? Great to see more Ben, though his P sounds are less Plosive than they used to be, and he hasn’t eaten ANYTHING yet. But he’s still a lot of fun to watch, and i’m hoping - because i’m a softie who likes goodies - that his humanitarianism lasted. And i’m also beginning to think - with all the references to Audrey’s condition after the bank blast (bank blast sounds like shitty video game) - that Audrey will have been physically effected long term by what happened. I’m beginning to really look forward to seeing her, though I dread the idea that Doppelcoop is the father of her awful bastard son.

. It’s so uncannily Lynchian to drop in on someone like Beverly’s life, someone who we know next to nothing about, and give her a fairly substantial scene. It even feels like it might not go much further than that, and that dropping into her soap opera life (Twin Peaks’ soapiness is still there!) for this scene is just Lynch giving us a little look at domestic turmoil in Twin Peaks. But who knows. Who knows which characters are a one-scene deal, and which will fit into the larger narrative. Where is goddamn MATTHEW LILLARD???

. Jacques Renault’s identical brother(?) got some lines! And surprise surprise: he’s a scumbag! The sweeping scene was weirdly engrossing, especially with Green Onions playing in the background. And my god, how warm and cosy did the Double R look tonight?? With Sleepwalk by Santo & Johnny playing, and the lighting as warm and oak-tinted as ever, it’s maybe the one place in Twin Peaks you’d want to hang out. Especially with lovely, lovely Shelly and Norma working there. They’re such likeable and instantly welcoming people to see, and it’s hard not to wish they were your friends. And, I don’t like to focus too much on how the actors look - but Madchen Amick literally has not aged a day and it’s very confusing how she’s managed that. I guess there is something special in Norma’s family pie recipe. Also, i’ve heard people say the guy who pops his head in asks if anyone has seen “Bing”, but on re-listening, it’s 100% Billy and not Bing. There is someone named Bing in the credits - whether he’s any relative of Chandler’s is present is yet to be seen. It could be something, or it could be another version of that “It’s a boy? It’s a boy! It’s a boy!” bank security guy from Season 2. Just someone yelling some dumb shit.

. Some great music in this episode too, both new score and old. With the ominous shots of the foggy woods set to the opening notes of Laura Palmer’s theme playing (the scary bit, not the sad bit) I genuinely got chills. 

. Doppelcoop is on the loose and you can feel the story pushing forward now he’s out. I get the feeling we won’t see the Prison Warden again, and that everything they talked about has a backstory but one that is not necessarily important for us to learn about. Just know that Doppelcoop is loose, and where he goes now is an open question. To kill Cooper? How could you kill a man your exact double? It’d be so surreal. And would make for a weird, bad-wig-wearing stunt double fight scene. And the idea of unawake Cooper being hurt makes me even sadder than the idea of Lucid Cooper being hurt, somehow. He’s a sympathetic thing really, and he needs someone outside the black lodge to help him. He’s called for help though, and either Gordon or Hawk are on his trail, thankfully. 

SUMMARY

This episode, more than any other yet, felt like Twin Peaks of old. We spent more time in the town, and the atmospherics of the town felt more prevalent too. It does feel like we’re being eased back into the town which is great fun, though I love everything set outside too. A narrative cohesion is coming about as the story’s 2nd act clicks into place, and there’s some real momentum going in this hour. Whether or not that keeps going next week (I think it will), i’m happy to let the show do its thing because this episode has shown that patience does pay off. We will get there, and we should probably learn to enjoy the journey as much as the destination. Remember, Lynch and Frost have pretty big hard-ons for Mysteries, and that always has been, and always will be the core of the series. But goddamn it if it isn’t fun seeing that mystery chipped away at in tonight’s episode. 

    “Keep working the sunny side of the river, doc”

[zutaraverse]

Chapter 10: Seeing Without Eyes

Chapter 10 of Blood, Chi and Full Moons: Find previous chapters here or: Chapter 1 Part 1 | Chapter 1 Part 2 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 Part 1 | Chapter 3 Part 2 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 Part 1 | Chapter 7 Part 2 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9

Zuko jolted awake from a disturbing dream just before dawn, the last dregs of which were quickly dissipating into the lightening room. He replayed the scene from last night and considered how to approach the new day. Since they were earth bending he didn’t think he should wake Katara for meditation. Besides, Toph being in charge meant there was no chance of starting early.

However, as the grey light of early dawn infiltrated the room, Zuko started to worry. Katara had hardly moved the whole night. He had to place a hand on her stomach just to feel her breathing, otherwise she may as well have been dead. She must have been in a very deep sleep and he was torn as to whether to wake her or not. Finally he decided that she would probably be mad if he didn’t give her the choice - she was not one to look sympathetically at anybody who made decisions for her.

He kissed her gently on the cheek and called her name, drawing her out of her comatose sleep. Katara’s eyes opened slowly - differently to her usual confused fluttering. This was weary, tired, and her gaze was still distant.

“Hey, its dawn, and we’re meant to earth bend today,” he explained softly. Katara’s eyes closed with the same slow, deliberate movement she had used before. They stayed closed a few seconds before opening again to consider him. She reached up a hand and caressed his cheek, before letting it drop back onto the sheets.

“I’m… not… leaving… this… bed,” she breathed. Zuko nodded. He didn’t think he should argue with her - she seemed to be exhausted. There was only one problem though…

“Then we’ll leave Toph to sleep - I bet she will be happy,” he said, trying to conceal his disappointment. He had been looking forward to learning earth bending - he loved the strength it gave those who wielded it. Katara closed her eyes.

“You should learn,” she said from somewhere very distant.

“You’re the only one who can blood bend,” he reminded her. She sighed and reached for his hand.

From her fuzzy state she didn’t need to try to block out anything; it was already gone. She found his blood easily and followed a very bright chi flow in the darkness of her incomprehensibility. Katara had studied Toph’s chi flow the day before, memorising the points where it differed from hers. She wasn’t surprised to find earth bending focussed in the legs and feet. It made sense. In the back of her mind it reminded her of something, but she couldn’t quite place it.

When she had altered Zuko’s chi, she did her own.

“There, now we’re both earth benders,” she said. She hadn’t moved or opened her eyes - Zuko had thought she had fallen asleep again. He kissed her again and quietly left to wake an undoubtedly grumpy Toph.

The sun rose just before six o’clock. Nothing official happened before nine o’clock, which meant that meditation, training, washing and eating took place in those three hours. Katara woke from her stupor at about eight, and decided to find her friends. She didn’t bother hiding the black under her eyes, and she tied her hair up so it wouldn’t look dirty. Going into her bathroom, she sighed in relief at her ability to blood bend. For all of the uses blood bending had, the most mundane was also the most useful. No longer did she have to soak her cycle cloths in boiling water for hours; she could soak them for five minutes or so and bend the blood off. It was amazing. If she ever lost the ability to blood bend this would probably be one of her main regrets.

Having washed herself and thrown on some clothes, Katara hurried to the indoor arena so see if Toph and Zuko were still in there. She opened the door quietly and slipped in, almost laughing at what she saw; Toph had riddled the stone floor with holes and dips, sharp spikes, inclines, and steps of all kinds. Zuko stood, looking somewhat weary, blindfolded in the middle of the maze.

“Hey Katara,” called Toph from the other side of the arena.

“What? Katara’s here?” asked Zuko, jerking his head about and trying to work out where the damned door was.

“What is wrong with you Zuko!” cried Toph, “You are a fire bender, that means you can feel heat! You should be able to sense her in the room with your own element!” She threw up her hands in frustration.

“Yeah well I’m too damned concentrated on trying to sense the fucking death traps you’ve set out for me!” he cried back, a glimmer of his old-Zuko anger in his voice. However, he didn’t remove the blind fold. Toph growled.

“I do not understand why it is so hard to teach earth bending! With Aang what he needed was a forceful push, and I think you need the same. We are going to duel,” she said definitively.

“Duel!” exclaimed Katara. “Isn’t it a bit early for that?” She did not like the idea of a blind Zuko going up against Toph. With his eyesight they may have been equally matched, but he was at a distinct disadvantage here.

“Stay out of this Sugar Queen. This is between me and Sparky. Actually, you can play doctor when he gets his butt kicked. Right, Sparky, you can use any element you like - I will only use earth bending. But we are both blind. And you better start paying attention to the earth pretty soon because it will, quite literally, slap you in the face if you don’t. Ready?”

“Toph I think this is a really bad idea,” started Katara pleadingly. However, Zuko interrupted her.

“Please Katara! If this is what it takes I’ll do it. But you shouldn’t get hurt - wait outside till this is over.”

“Absolutely not,” she said forcefully, crossing her arms and not a little irritated that he was trying to tell her what to do, “I can defend myself, Fire Prince Zuko, and if I have to beat your arse again to prove it, believe me, I will!” And with that she leaned against the door, staring at the back of Zuko’s head angrily.

He gulped. An angry Katara was far worse than a playful Toph. He would have to deal with that later.

“Wahey! Sweetness is getting Spicy!” laughed Toph. This is more like it, she thought to herself.

“Don’t you dare make light of this Toph - I’m furious with you for doing this. You two are going to seriously hurt each other and I’m the one who is going to have to pick up the fucking pieces as usual!” she snarled, switching her cold stare from one blind person to another.

“Shesh! Calm down Spicy! Hey… Spicy and Sparky… I like it… although Sweetness and Sparky is like sweetness and light which is a lovely saying. Except I don’t know what light is,” mused Toph, completely unperturbed by Katara’s outburst. She was more than used to it, but sensed that it had put Zuko on edge… maybe she should go easy on him after all. “Well, lets get to it!” she announced, stomping her foot on the ground and changing the landscape to something completely unfamiliar. Zuko didn’t know it but it was actually easier to navigate than the previous one.

Zuko froze at the sound of grinding rock.

“You fucking changed everything again didn’t you?” he growled.

“Yup!” replied Toph lightly.

He spun around in the direction of her voice and shot a fireball at her. However, he heard the usual creaking of the expanding metal as it collided with the wall.

“Yeah, how are you supposed to get me if you don’t know in which direction I’m going? You are aiming for the past Sparky, get with it!” she instructed, leaping around and changing direction. Zuko tried to aim a few more fireballs but without success. “Not even close!” mocked Toph from yet another position.

Zuko could feel his frustration growing into anger. Anger at himself, at his damned inability to pick this up. He felt like a scolded child again, the worst one at fire bending, with his sister showing off to his father and grandfather moves that he still hadn’t mastered. The familiar rage that he had harboured for three long years on his ship returned full force, contorting his body into well rehearsed moves. He growled through his teeth as he drew on as much power as he could and shot a sheet of fire, spinning as he did so, in order to make it reach every corner of the room.

He was left panting from his sudden outburst. After a few deep breaths things started clearing in his mind as he realised what he had done.

“Katara? Toph? Are you ok? I’m so sorry…” he reached behind his head to undo the blindfold and rush to the aid of his friends. He was resisting breaking down into sobs of self loathing.

“Don’t you dare Sparky!” called Toph from a long way away, “This isn’t over!”

“We’re fine Zuko,” said Katara from somewhere closer to his side of the arena, a softness in her voice that indicated that she at least partially understood what had prompted his rash gesture.

Zuko suddenly felt something hit him square in the forehead. Then something else. They were hard. Stones! Toph was throwing stones at him - he had just whipped out enough fire to destroy a palace and she retaliated by throwing stones. It almost made him laugh.

Because she defended herself from his attack and he was incapable of defending himself from hers.

Right. He needed to find cover. Getting low to the ground, he moved along with his hands spread wide until he found a large rock jutting out. He moved so that it was between him and the rock-throwing Toph. It wouldn’t take long for her to adjust her position to come at him again, but she had been the other side of the arena, so she would have to move quite a bit. At the very least it bought him some time.

A memory presented itself to him; a memory of himself as the blue spirit, living in the shadows and being impossibly quiet - breaking into the highest security prisons and freeing the highest security prisoners. Sneaking around wasn’t going to fool Toph, and there was no wood to dampen his steps. He silently cursed himself for not having brought water in this morning - at the very least it might create some confusion!

But along with these memories came the less pleasant ones; being locked in cupboards, waiting in vents, sneaking through barracks, finding his way down the tunnels of Lake Laogai. In none of those situations did he have any light. He had done it by not searching for light - by instead focussing on what he did know and translating that into images. He remembered sitting very still, hardly even breathing, and listening with all his might to what was happening around him.

Marching boots: soldiers. The paces even: bored. Two, in practiced time: regular partners. No hesitations: knew the land to perfection - they were lookouts on duty.

Now he had more than his ears, though. He had heat. He had water. He had earth.

He relaxed and opened his mind to the arena. There. He could feel Toph not too far from him. She wasn’t moving. So she must have been waiting for him to emerge.

Katara stood somewhere behind him. She was much warmer than Toph.

This didn’t help though. As soon as Toph picks up a rock, and the rock leaves her hand, he would have no idea where it was. He might hope that the contact with her skin would make it slightly warmer than the surroundings, but hat was a vain hope. Besides, was she even picking them up? Wouldn’t she just bend them towards him?

He needed to go deeper than heat and water. He needed to focus on where he was in relation to the room. He needed to feel, through his skin, what was going on. Everything is connected he told himself. I am on the earth, I am touching it, I am part of it. He repeated this mantra in his head over and over as he ran his fingers and toes along the surroundings, paying attention to every nook and cranny he passed over. There was no movement in the room, nor was there any noise; it seemed the girls had decided to leave him to his own explorations.

He felt a dip under his feet as he inched forward. A dip meant a rise though. Where was the rise?

There. The rise was very close - the dip was not wide. But the rise seemed to be higher than where he was standing. That would mean another dip perhaps. It would be annoying to have to climb it though. But moving to the right should give him some space. Instinctively, with the speed yet caution of the blue spirit, he headed towards the easier path. There was something blocking his way though and he ducked just in time, feeling an overhang graze the top of his head. Toph would be standing to the left - stationary - a heartbeat - a more intense vibration. Carefully positioning himself, he shot a simple fireball directly at the direction of the more intense vibrations. The vibrations faded for a split second - she had stepped out of the way - and he felt a presence moving closer - too fast to be Toph - no Toph had not moved from her spot.

Something small and hard hit him on the chest. Oh. Another rock. So that’s what a rock feels like he thought to himself, too fascinated to be irritated.

“Nice one Sparky, you are finally feeling. Now quit with the fire, do it with rock,” instructed Toph.

“Hmmm thanks for the details Sifu,” grumbled Zuko, momentarily distracted from his study of the ground.

“You’ll work it out,” she replied. Zuko imagined a smirk playing on her lips underneath her black bangs.

He returned to the state he had been in while observing the stone beneath his feet. Right. Stone MOVE he mentally shouted. Unsurprisingly, nothing happened. He returned to the overhang and, standing in front of it, he placed one hand on the lip, concentrating on how the stone was shaped - not so much on the surface, but underneath it. There he exerted a force, and to his immense pleasure it shifted. Not much, just an inch. But he could do it again - and with more power. The overhang lifted so that he could pass under it without ducking.

Now he needed a stone to throw. He reached up and touched the overhang once more. Instead of pushing inside, he pulled, and a part came away easily in his hand.

Now where was Toph? Ah! There. He threw the stone but it fell short - he felt it hit the ground a few metres in front of her. He took another part of the overhang, and this time, he pushed it from inside. Not enough to separate it, but enough to control its direction. There!

The vibrations coming from Toph changed and the stone stopped. Ah. She must have lifted her hand and caught it.

“I like it Sparky! But I’m afraid we are going to have to continue this another time - your advisors are hesitating outside the arena - I think you might be late for something…” said Toph.

Zuko gasped and tore off the blindfold, ignoring the tears that sprang to his eyes from the suddenly very intense light. He ran to the door and ripped it open.

“What time is it?” he asked urgently to the advisors who stood nervously outside.

“Ten o’clock, my prince,” answered one of them.

“Shit. Prepare the meeting room, I will be there shortly,” he ordered, watching them scurry away towards the palace. Zuko turned to the two girls in the room.

He took in the terrain Toph had created. It had seemed so much more threatening without his eyes - in the daylight he could have manoeuvred it with hardly a thought! Toph had created a seat of stone and was picking at her feet, just as she used to when she was younger. Katara had also seated herself on a boulder, her legs dangling down. She seemed much calmer than before.

“We’ve only got half an hour to prepare but I reckon we can do it,” she said serenely. Zuko regarded her gratefully. He was worried she wouldn’t be there at the meeting today - but she knew so much about what was going on that she would grasp anything he happened to miss. And besides, her insights into how the normal people lived were exactly what he needed. The memories of his life as a refugee in the lower rings of Ba Sing Se were forever fresh in his mind.

Katara slid off her boulder.

“What, Sugar Queen is wussing out of her lesson?” mocked Toph, seemingly unbothered by their disappearance.

“Sorry Toph, if you like I can come back this afternoon after lunch? I had an idea I would like to try with you,” she said, still the image of composure. Toph yawned.

“Yeah alright. I’m going to go and take a mid-morning nap now. Wake me when you want to learn?” the tone in her voice was almost too hopeful, betraying how much she needed this distraction - this reminder that she could be in control of something. Katara smiled.

“Of course,” she promised, before taking Zuko’s hand and heading back to the palace with him.

The meeting had been surprisingly simple. People seemed to be on more or less the same page - which was an event in itself. Zuko had some letters to write, but Katara hurried to wake Toph and they headed to the arena. She was determined not to be put through the same thing as Zuko - that had taken hours, and to be honest, she did not have the patience to deal with it today. She had another idea though.

“What’s this plan of yours then?” asked Toph once the door had clanged shut definitively.

“Well you know how you play with metal? Its kind of like how I water bend - as in it is almost liquid - or it behaves like a liquid. So I wanted to try that,” she explained confidently.

“You want to start with metal?” asked Toph incredulously.

“Well, yes. It might not work, but if it did I think it would be easier for me to attack it that way around,” explained Katara, suddenly not so sure of herself. Toph raised an eyebrow and flicked the hair out of her face with a familiar jerk of the head.

“We might as well try,” conceded Toph. She wouldn’t admit it, but angry Katara was not something she wanted to run into twice in the course of a day. She reached out and summoned a chuck of metal from high up on one of the walls, bringing it down between her hands. She couldn’t resist playing with it for just a bit, letting it circle her hands and splay out in different patterns.

“I don’t really know how to teach you this because I learned it from earth bending. And with that you need to find the earth within the metal. It is there, it just feels slightly different, you know?”

“Like blood feels to a water bender,” compared Katara.

“I guess,” reasoned Toph, “if you can start to place it in space first you would get a feel for what it is?” She was guessing. She actually had no idea how to approach this. She solidified the metal again and handed it to Katara, who sat on the ground holding it between her hands contemplatively.

Treat it like ice, she thought.

“I think,” she spoke out loud, “that solid metal is kind of like ice, liquid metal like water. I don’t know what vapour would be… but anyway, so if this is like ice, then what I would need to do is sort of… break it apart from the inside, but all over at the same time. Does that sound right to you?” she asked Toph.

“Yeah, sort of. But you need to keep the whole together so it doesn’t splatter… the edges kind of feel different.” Toph sat down opposite Katara and waited. Katara didn’t move. She didn’t move for a long time.

Toph focussed on sensing the metal in her hands, and was surprised at how easily she fell into it. She could feel how there was a growing pressure inside, a tentative movement. But it was going in the wrong direction - or rather it was going in all directions at once. That is not how metal is structured, she registered, there needed to be more of a sliding and jostling to it. She murmured this instruction to Katara, careful not to break the concentration of either.

Slowly but surely, she felt Katara’s hold on the metal increase and the right action take place. The metal was more malleable, and then eventually liquid. She imagined Katara would be smiling.

“Fuck. Yes,” breathed Katara, playing with the liquid metal. She was right. She could treat it like water in a way, although it was less similar than she had expected.

Toph grinned.

“Nice one sugar-cake. Now can we get on with real Earth Bending?” quipped Toph, not quite managing to hide her awe for what Katara had just achieved. She wondered if she would be able to use the same technique in reverse when Katara kept up her side of the bargain.

A couple of days had passed and Katara had managed some earth bending - Zuko some metal bending. Both realised that the more they learned about any element made picking up the next one ever easier. So many things were similar that sometimes in the depth of their meditations they stated fusing the boundaries.

Toph liked fire too - she used it to sense what she could not feel through her feet. And carefully, with much caution, she learned to manipulate it. Since it was not solid it took many hours of concentration to keep hold of the shapes she created - they were not bounded by everything, but she saw it as her job to bind it to a shape.

When it came to her turn to learn water, she could hardly wait. Katara had also decided that she would attempt to teach Zuko blood bending at the same time; full moons only came around once a month and she wasn’t sure what the future would hold.

The three met by the little lake, much to the annoyance of the turtle ducks, just before sunset. Katara talked Toph through everything she had done with Zuko, and decided it would be a good idea if she kept her feet in the water. Although Toph had eventually learned to swim, she still feared the power of water, and so keeping the most sensitive part of her body connected with it might help bridge that distrust.

Katara and Zuko left her in meditation as the sun set, knowing that, at this point, it was highly unlikely she wouldn’t experience the surge of power that came with the moon. It seemed strange yet oddly logical that they were all picking up one another’s elements so quickly.

“Blood,” started Katara, “feels slightly different to water. It is harder to move, since it pulls everything else that is in the blood with it. It is heavy in that sense. And besides, there is something blocking your direct access to it. The way I like to look at it is as a reaching past a barrier rather than a going inside.”

Zuko looked around, distracted from her words by a thought that had just occurred to him. He was feeling uneasy.

“Katara, don’t you have some animal I can practice on?”

Katara stared at him hard.

“No. Blood bending takes away the freedom of whatever you are practicing on. Therefore you will only blood bend practice on willing subjects.”

Zuko sucked in a breath. He had a really bad feeling this might happen.

“Katara there is no way I am blood bending on you!” he seethed.

“Yes, you are,” she replied calmly.

“I won’t learn then,” he matched, folding his arms across his chest in defiance.

“Yes, you will. What happens if I go crazy with all this power? What happens if I need to be stopped and Aang can’t do it? What happens if people find out about this and torture me until I make them as powerful as we are?” Katara had tears in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. This was why she had to teach him. How could she trust herself with something so destructive without any way out. “You need to learn Zuko, you need to be able to control me and my chi like I can control you and yours. That way you can take away from me what might one day harm so many people…”

Zuko’s arms had fallen to his sides as her arguments computed in his mind. Out of all of them, she was the only one who could not be stopped. If he or Toph abused their power, Katara would be there to take it away. Aang had still not managed to return to the Avatar state since they had split up two years earlier and so would be incapable of doing so. But if she lost her mind, if she was used and tortured, nobody would be able to help her.

“Katara, don’t think like that,” he whispered unconvincingly. He pulled her into his arms, well aware that she was right. He was both moved by her trust in him and terrified of misusing it. An image of his father flashed in his head. What atrocities could he have achieved if he had known how to blood bend? Zuko didn’t want to imagine.

“Look, Zuko, this is important. I know you are as strong as I am, and you feel the water in the same way I do. Blood is not hard, its just as shift in how you see the element - like lightening is for you and metal is for Toph…” she pushed him away gently and collected herself before starting her instruction.

Zuko was used to observing the mass of water that was Katara. But now he needed to concentrate on overcoming the resistance provided by her skin and moving behind it. He could understand how somebody who struggled with water would find this near impossible, but by this point shifting his perspective was becoming a way of life. The constant re-analysis was opening his eyes - metaphorically - to a way of feeling  that was completely foreign to him.

It took a while, but the power of the moon was coursing through his body, and all the water in the world seemed to be at his fingertips. He reached forward with his hands and his mind, and concentrated on what was behind the skin. His fingers curled in order to take control of her body - a rigid, awkward movement, like a puppeteer. He had the distinct feeling that if he softened his stance control over her would slip. Slowly, he moved her arms around, getting a feel for how it felt.

Zuko had expected to be repulsed by the sensation of blood bending another person - especially Katara, but actually he felt very calm, just like when he was water bending. In retrospect, he didn’t really know why he had anticipated repulsion - he hardly felt repulsed by the creation of lightening, and he doubted Toph disliked metal bending.

“Alright Zuko, now I’m going to start resisting,” said Katara. She, too, looked relatively calm.

“What do you mean resist?” he asked, dropping his hold and letting her arms flop to her sides.

“Well, I’ve been letting you do what you want, but that is hardly ever going to happen. I will try to resist and you will need to use more force to control my body. Are you ready?”

Zuko gritted his teeth but nodded, retaking his stance. He hoped that he didn’t hurt her.

This time was more difficult, he needed to focus all his attention on maintaining his hold and bending her to his will. In the back of his mind he could understand how people could become addicted to such power, but he pushed that thought away.

Eventually Katara’s face contorted in pain and she gave over control. Zuko dropped his stance.

They both stood staring at one another, breathing heavily. Katara nodded and forced a smile.

“I think thats enough for tonight,” she murmured, turning towards where Toph sat in the distance.

Zuko caught her arm.

“Katara, wait. There is something I’ve been meaning to tell you. Uncle made me promise not to but I think you have a right to know,” he started hesitantly.

“Spit it out Zuko!”

“Your family is coming here. To the palace. They are arriving with Iroh.” He was looking away, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

Katara exhaled audibly.

“Thank you for telling me,” she said cordially, controlling her rising panic. “How long to I have to prepare for this?”

“Erm… they arrive tomorrow.”

[isaacathom]

well, im off! chels is gonna probably play skyrim tomorrow so im gonna use my laptop from the outset. makes my life easier, yknow.

goodnight <3