therosevest · 10 months ago
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i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there
#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru#but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days#and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay!#and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing#i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail#i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time#not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me#im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me#anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early#i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great#and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most#expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth#but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans#but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated#about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like#u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends#w yall. things happen#abby talks#and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw#a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes#OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it#was years ago but also like christ!
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iilmunchkiin · 2 months ago
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Life Update
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Hey so I know y'all like my art and all but college is creeping up on me so I might start posting less
I appreciate all the comments dearly, I really do, thank you so much for being so interested in my artworks and supporting me, but for now I really gotta take a break..
I might start going in a half-hiatus?? kind of state, where I'll be online but, not as active as I usually do...
This might change in the future, hopefully it does because I genuinely enjoy making silly art. This post is also going to be like some kind of time capsule to remind myself of SHIT I NEED TO DO.
I'm just filled with so much uncertainty at the moment...
If you read this all the way, thank you. (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
(More yapping + potential art/concepts I plan to make underneath the cut)
(I repeat, some of these aren't final, just concepts)
Redesigning the entire undertale red and yellow cast into my style ( + the human souls )
Make a fuckign reference sheet for my persona
3 UTY AUs I plan to make
1st AU (Gameshow!AU) : Clover is aware of resets and they work along side Flowey with each other their own seperate goals (Clover - for the 5 missing children, Flowey - you already know), both of them treat the monsters and life itself as a video game and see everyone as nothing else but an NPC that exists in the game of life, however, deep down Clover genuinely cares and gets attached to everyone and their stories, but for the other's sake they have to pretend, pretend they don't care, pretend they're dismissive of everyone, and pretend to be the villain they claim they are. If they don't, Flowey will catch up and notice something's wrong so Clover just plays along as Flowey pulls on their strings and keep up the facade.
2nd AU (Insanity!AU) : Everyone's Insane, it's basically like the rot comic except Clover is actually alive this time and they witness everyone just spiraling into madness. They're just so sucked up and so mentally fucked it, it feeds my delulu brain. (Example: Starlo losing his identity and not knowing who he is anymore because of how much he pretended to be someone he wasn't) (it's giving horrortale without the cannibalism lol)
3rd AU (Sci-Fi!AU) : basically everyone is like working in a company like uhm.. Mission Impossible type style or smth... like... they gotta save clover from Flowey's antics or smth idk man I'm cringe asf. The fiesty 4 is ganna be there along with Decibat and Penilla, Ceroba is going to be like the main focus since she's the one doing the planning and all. (Everyone is going to be in uniform and everything omg theyre so cool)
Some actual domestic and cute fluffy art because god damn I make so much sad shit HAHAHA (Examples: Beach Barbeque party, laundry day, grocery/clothes shopping in the surface)
More animations/animatics
Other things that aren't related to uty
As for the rot comic series I kinda(?) made in the r/UndertaleYellow sub, posts will get slower. I already mentioned it on reddit but I'll just copypaste what I said here.
If you want my reddit acc uhhhhh here lol (Also speaking of reddit holy SHIT I GOT AN AWARD???? I also loved reading the really long texts omg I love it when people hyper analyze shit)
And speaking of analyze.. did you guys notice Starlo's thingy on his hat was supposed to be a heartbeat? :3c
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sanjidysphoria · 29 days ago
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Hi agi I'm obsessed with your tags under that tmi post you're my idol please tell us more about bow you ruined this man's life
you know what. theres 30 mins left so i will. so the reason i got with him was is very confusing and it was obviously out of revenge.
back to elementary school when i had a best friend named uhhhhhh kate (not her actual name). so kate and me we were epic bffs because no one else liked us. however for very different reasons. see kate was genuinely just fuckign irritating while i was emo. i kinda actually hated her ass but since i had no other friends i was like sigh this will do. we went to different highschools and i had a friend in another class named dave. now those two through me got to know each other and they started dating. i dont know how cuz again this girl was fucking annoying but anyway. fast forward two years i basically dropped her ass since i got lowkey popular in highschool because i was openly gay and the highschool had a weird straight gay ratio, like i swear everyone was closeted. again fast forward to last summer they break up because dave couldnt take the long distance thing. and kate hits me up. like every day. and i HATE her ass okay she made me miserable through elementary and now for some reason she thinks she can just traumadump on me every day, and i dont mean like "im sad today :(((" she GENUINELY texted me shit like im killing myself today. i called her mom btw i was so sick of her. and she wouldnt leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!! so i go hm. how can i make her not text me ever again. and she gave me a wonderful idea cuz one time she was bitching about how dave never even liked her he had a crush on me like whatever man i dont give a shit. im gay. but then... what if i wasnt. what if i stole her ex man and she came to hate me and blocked me everywhere. this is where my childhood best friend, andrew came into the equation. because see i was nt rlly friends with dave anymore but i knew they were best friends so if i used andrew i could get with dave! again im gay. im just fucking insane and evil. so we start hanging out and this one time me and dave get very close to hooking up but then he says aw man but ur gay. and in my mind im like yeag thats valid but how do i let him know that im not? so i tell andrew hey im bi thinking he would tell dave. he didnt though and one time we got very drunk and he was like can we make out and im like drunk so i go sure......... and then we started like being a thang lowkey but the funny thing is dave didnt back down like???????? and andrew was like super jealous the whole time and im pretty sure i ruined their bestfriendship whatever i kinda always thought they were in gay love idk. but then kate got the idea that me and dave were also a thing despite me being with the other guy and she actually did block me everywhere so the plan kinda worked idk lol thats the lore
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eurofox · 5 months ago
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Like a dragon/Yakuza: The man who erased his name review
This was way better than ishin!. Lot's of spoilers
I had low expectations for this because I'd heard it was just planned DLC that was quickly turned into a full length game but it's great.
The story moves along at a far quicker pace than usual but that was to be expected, it's a small timeline that's confined to 7 and 8's story. I saw people say they didn't understand why this existed at all and that kiryu's story should have ended with 6 but frankly I'm glad we're getting more. I found 6's ending to be kind of shitty and I want to know how the bodyguard situation came to be
Kiryu is so fucking miserable in this game and the voice actor does a great job conveying it. Even all his little ordinary task phrases are just so fed up sounding. The end scene were he's breaking down actually had me tear up a little, first time in the whole series.
Akame is basically the Florist again, but less annoying. I was meh on her at first but she grew on me
The baddies are pretty good with how short the game is and shishido was a good rep for all the guys at the bottom who are left floundering with the dissolution. Tsureno was a great character, I'd like to see more of him. The kpop nishitani guy was ok, but I'd prefer they just killed him off instead of having him repeatedly survive.
The plot itself is the usual over the top nonsense, and it does tie it all in fairly well. Kiryu swanning about in the world's shittiest disguise required a serious suspension of disbelief though. As well as characters not using guns when they should have. I know some characters saw through the obvious bullshit but still. The castle ship not being found by police was also kind of silly but we've already had purgatory so whatever (i prefer castle to purgatory, more flair). The whole daidoji thing was strange at times, but I guess they'll flesh them out more in future games. The big final battle alonside the jimas' was cool, even if kiryu couldn't really acknowledge them. Felt bad for Daigo though, only one shocked he's alive and he isn't allowed to speak to the guy. Also LOL at Watase getting stabbed in his Peter griffin fit, so unnecassary. Also he didn't delete the footage he just broke the phone screen
Combat was really good, agent was a nice change of pace and yakuza felt powerful, exactly what i wanted after Ishin and it's low damage dealing. Rocket shoes are my new favourite thing, drones were a bit shite though. Progression is straightforward, no fuckign around with random trainers, just pay with your yen and get the moves. Did seem like my grabs failed most of the time though, but I did rush things. Some great Long battles, again an area I felt ishin was lacking
Music is fine, mostly the long battle themes that stood out. Can't remember most of the boss themes. Good karaoke selection.
Still lots of mini games despite being a kind of filler entry. Lots of master system games, although i found them all a bit shite. Live action hostess clubs are uncomfortable and weird. Sonic the fighters is great still. The joryu clan thing wasn't bad but I'm glad the DLC characters were included in the sale I found because fucking hell they were not worth it. All this time I wanted playable Daigo and when they finally allow it he only has a bare bones move set. The fucking AI daigo has more moves so what the hell?
Sub stories only being through the Akame network is odd. Half are really good ones with lots of throw backs to earlier games and half are tedious 'go there and fight this guy' for your colosseum team missions. I couldn't get one to trigger despite fulfilling conditions so there's that. Also the walk around missions are boring.
The akame network and the colosseum were used as filler during the story and that got old very fast.
Really enjoyed this game and I'm hyped for 8.
Things I liked:
Emotional gut punch of an ending
Cool throwback substories
Ghost substory
Akame isn't bad as far as female yakuza characters go and they didn't kill her off/send her to her planet that needs her at the end
Ties up things
Great long battles
Agent style is a nice change
Finally get Playable Daigo!
Things I didn't like:
Some tedious substories (red peacocks anybody?)
Kiryu's dumbass disguise
Obvious filler missions
Playable Daigo isn't very good!
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doctorodyssey · 4 years ago
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do you have some ~easy recipes to make? i want to learn how to cook but i always find myself too tired to make anything when i get home from work /:
hello my friend! so what i find the easiest to throw together is a stir fry bc you can really use any protein and veggies, and it’s usually done in the time it takes to cook the rice. 
here’s my stir fry ~formula:
1. start the rice first, bc it takes longest. i use sticky/sushi rice, but anything will work, and you can also do quinoa/another grain. here’s a rice cooking guide!
2. if you’re using tofu (which i usually do), press it right away to drain the water. i use extra firm tofu, and i wrap it in many paper towels, then i putting a cutting board with a heavy pan/book/whatever i can find on top. extra firm usually only needs 15 mins to press, but it won’t hurt to leave it until you’re ready to cook. you can use chicken/fish/shrimp/beef/pork/etc, whichever’s easiest.
3. cut your vegetables. you can literally use anything! i put garlic in everything, but everything else varies. some ideas: onions or green onions, broccoli, green beans, asparagus, bell peppers, carrots, bok choy, snap peas/snow peas, baby corn, water chestnuts (they come canned!), mushrooms, etc. frozen veggies or the pre-cut packs in the produce section are a good idea if you don’t want to chop or don’t have time. 
4. cook your protein. for tofu, i usually cut it into cubes and coat them in some flour seasoned with whatever spices i feel like (mine is usually salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne, and smoked paprika). then i fry it in some vegetable oil. it usually takes like...5 mins on each side, but i generally get lazy and don’t cook every side of every cube lol. you can use pretty much any protein and there’s youtube tutorials for the best way to pan fry all of them. you can also buy a rotisserie chicken from the deli and shred it, or frozen pre-cooked meats, which’ll both save a lot of time.
5. while the tofu/whatever’s cooking, make a sauce. mine is usually a random, unmeasured combination of: soy sauce, honey, some kind of chili sauce (sambal is my fave), garlic powder, rice vinegar, and sesame oil. you can 100% buy a premade stir fry sauce to make your life easier (kikkoman makes good ones, they’re usually in the asian foods section). if you wanna make your own, just start with like...1/3-1/2 cup of soy sauce and add stuff until it tastes good. it’s honestly very hard to mess up. 
6. remove protein from pan and cook veggies. as a general rule, hard vegetables take longest. put stuff like broccoli and asparagus in first, then onions, then softer things like bok choy. if you can’t tell if something’s done cooking, stick a fork in and feel how soft it is. if you still can’t tell, taste it. if you’re using frozen, follow instructions on the package. put the garlic in LAST or else it’ll most definitely burn and you’ll be sad. 
7. put protein back in w the veggies and pour in the sauce. cook it for a few mins to thicken it up. if you want, you can combine a tablespoon of corn starch and a tablespoon of cold water to help it thicken, but i wouldn’t recommend that if you’re gonna eat it again the next day, bc the corn starch makes it kinda gummy later on. 
8. serve over rice. i sometimes add a fried egg on top! 
that was longer than i intended.........and i am not done
here’s some places i usually find easy recipes:
my absolute queen budget bytes
honestly...buzzfeed tasty has good & quick one pot recipes
binging with babish’s basics series is very good for learning how to cook
i don’t really like to give conde nast my money, especially bon appetit, but i use an ad blocker to go on their basically site. every recipe is 10 ingredients or less!
pro home cooks, which used to be called brothers green - he makes, like, everything, but a lot of his vids focus on cheap and easy meals. (i haven’t watched any of his meal prep vids but i bet they’re good)
if you have a day, or even a few hours, every week that you can set aside, you might wanna look into meal prep. you don’t even have to prep entire meals; just pre-cutting all your veggies and portioning them into containers makes cooking after work/school feel so much easier. 
here are some meal prepping youtubers:
mind over munch - i s2g this woman is like the queen of meal prepping. she’s also like way too perky but it’s fine bc her vids are VERY helpful even if you don’t wanna make the exact meals she makes
goodful’s professional meal prepper series - she gets paid to go to ppl’s homes and meal prep for them, and she shares a lot of easy recipes that are good for prepping and also just general tips for the best ways to cook and store stuff!
and finally here’s some easy stuff i make when i’m lazy:
i boil water for pasta, i chop up broccoli into tiny little pieces and throw it in the boiling water with the pasta when there’s like 4 mins left. i drain it, put it back in the pan, and add butter, italian cheese(s), garlic powder or a garlic herb seasoning blend, salt, and pepper. it’s so good.
premade gnocchi with jarred sauce or storebought pesto, served w whatever vegetable will take the least time to cook (i had this today with asparagus lol)
canned salmon burgers! 
tuna & mayo mixed w rice, top w eggs and nori if i have it (thank u @oddesteyecircle)
smashed chickpea salad - i take a can of chickpeas and smash em w a potato masher, then i add mayo, dijon mustard, lemon juice to taste, and whatever spices i feel like (usually salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, cumin, cayenne, paprika, turmeric bc i like the color it adds lol). serve on toasted bread w/ whatever you like on sandwiches (i do tomatoes, hima usually does cucumber slices and spinach)
this doesn’t count as cooking really but the chipotle black bean burgers from don lee farms (we get them at costco) are incredible. i usually make em w frozen fries and microwave steamed broccoli (if u haven’t caught on i love broccoli)
bfast for dinner (pancakes from a box, scrambled eggs, bacon/sausage, maybe some potatoes)
aaaand i think that’s all i have to say! when in doubt, u can always ALWAYS find a recipe on youtube for literally anything. i hope this was helpful!!!!!!!
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alisonnott · 3 years ago
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NO WAY HOME SPOILERS
IM SO SORRY FOR THE NO WAY HOME SPOILERS BUT I JUST HAVE TO GET IT OUT THIS IS SO LONG AND HAS SO MANY SPELLING MISTAKES 
there is just so much for me to fucking say holy shit... first of all the writing was fucking great they all did such a great job. this movie is just fucking incredible ok and this after my first watch and i plan on watching it a few more fucking times to catch it all
nothing will ever beat the aura of an anticipated fucking nostalgic driving movie, and by that i mean teenagers and grown ass adults revert back to their childhood selves and you can just feel it in the air. you can feel the love that the audience has for these characters, you feel how invested everyone is, you felt the respect that they held for this film before the film even started and that alone is magical in every fucking way. the air humming with just excitement. grown men dressed up in full spiderman gear, kids running around with their iron man shirts and marvel shoes, hell i took heavy gwen stacy inspo for my own outfit ( purple dress with a  black turtleneck, a black sleek rain coat and boots hehe)
MY THOUGHTS AS I CAN RMBR THEM SO SUPER SCRAMBLED
1. mathew murrdock as peter parkers lawyer.. yes that’s right matthew i’m fucking daredevil  murrdock as peter fucking parkers lawyer. didnt know i needed that but holy fuck i did. i did need that also John Jonah Jameson is the same guy in every universe lol
2.  i was always a little meh about zendaya’s mj. i love zendaya but i also always kinda felt her character was just ticking off all the im not like other girls sterotype... that being said mj in a relationship is lovely. i really liked the visiable changes in her character.
3. NED NEEDED MORE LINES AND MORE TIME OK I LVOE HIM and also i get that they were emphasing peter and mj’s love but i dont think diminshing ned and peter’s relationshio was necessary. yes they ahd their moments but i wanted more. I wanted more feels with those two.
4.aunt may did not need to fucking die and i will die on that hill. i get that every spiderman had someone important die that gave them a little edge, took them from being this sweet little nieghbourhood hero to a hero with a little venegance and rage. a death that really distorts their innocence, and taints them a litte ( gives them a death that they caused and also feel responsible for avenging).regrdledd tom’s peter ( lets call him peter 3 for ease) did not fucking need that. he had died, he had iron man die, he watched many heros go down, faught the war with them, he didnt fuckign need it. and it broke me. toms acting was fucking phenomenol in this movie, he pulled at evey heart string. that man is going somewhere. not a dry eye anywhere
5. also the villans that showed up and didnt fucking recongize peter 3 was rlly fukcing funny. doctor octpus being owned my peter 3 , once again fuckign need that. sandman also showed up, almost forget about him. lizard joined the party ( fuck him so anonying my baby andrew deserved more), electro was a big contender to being the worst but no the crown goes to fucking green goblin that son of a bitch. have not ever forgiven him for gwen and for andrew’s peter parker ( peter 2 ) and never fuckign will and as you guessed it he was a fucking menace in this one as well, also the reason may dies so yes fuck green goblin i really wished we saw him get murdered on screen but atlas the morality of spiderman our baby peter 3 does not kill goblin. in fact he goes on a mission to change these horrible men ( peter and these villians are starting to sound like my last relationship) and he succeeds ( i did not) but ofc he had help mj and ned and.....
6. the second and i mean the second andrew fucking garfield comes waltxing thru and takes up his fucking mask the scream the claps the tear. I will first start off by stating how much i love his peter parker and his spiderman. I FUCKIGN LOVE IT AND HAVE BEEN SHIT ON FOR MY OPINION FOR YEARS AND IM  NOT HAIVNG IT ANYMROE OK. ( also keep in mind gwen comes before mj for spiderman so techingally andrew’s peter has not met the one yet). andrew is a wonderful spiderman, the script did him dirty, and he never got the redemption he fucking deserved until now ofc. he himself had no faults. an amazing actor who gives his all, who was perfect for the role and was given a plot that wasnt as great as he deserved. andrew fucking garfield. spiderman. again the second he opened his mouth i melted. he reminded me of why i loved him so much. the softness mixed with the perfect amount of sass. cleaning cobwebs for ned’s grandmother and hitting her with a ‘im sorry love’ are you kidding i love him and he fucking killed it. stole the show. im not even trying to biased ok. he stole the entire fucking film ( ill explain why in another point.) 
7. tobey mcguire shows up which logically makes snese bc andrew showed but yes steal shrieks and screams and gasps and fucking amaxing. the imediate nostalgia you feel when you see him fucking smile shyly holy fuck edge of my seat. 
8. THE BANTER between peter 2 and peter 1 ( tobey’s peter) amazing. perfectons, what dreams are made of. 
9. the wisdom being passed from peter 1 and 2 to peter 3. crazy. the parrelles insane. uncle ben to aunt may to gwen stacy. holy fuck 
10. acknowldgement of them being bitter and filled with rage and venegacne, yes needed the trauma doesnt go away but it also doesnt make it better to act on it. needed yes thank you 
11. the fucking spiderman meme being done so many times i fucking love it 
12. ned and his interactons with the other peters so fucking goof
13. peter 2 watching peter 3 and mj being all in love. PAINFUL OK ANDREWS EYES WERE FILLED WITH PAIN 
14. them fixing all these villans fuck as a TEAM. EPIC. THE TRICKS THAT THESE THREE SPIDERMEN CAN DO TOGETHER WOW WOW SO FUCKING NICE
15.all spidermen having back problems is so fucking funny bro 
16. theres a moemnt where mj drops from a height and as tom’s peter parker goes to save her he gets beat the fuck up my green goblin and what happens you may ask. this may be the best fucking scene in the entire marvel franchise because andrew’s fucking spiderman swings in to save tom’s mj. when he goes to save gwen idk if u guys rmbr but he was on top using his webs and she was underneath him. andrew’s spiderman took no fucking chances this time around, he swings around attaches a web to her and the throws him self and filps so that he would be the one who hits the bottom first, SO EVEN IF HE DIES OR HITS HIS HEAD MJ WOULD BE SAFE BC SHE WOULD BE ABOVE HIM, HE ALSO USES HIS ENTIRE FUCKING BODY TO WRAP AROUND HER BC HE DOESNT TRUST HIS WEBS AND NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE CAN TELL ME THAT ISNT THE MOST ICONIC SCENCE FUCKIGN EVER. 
17. theres a moment when tom’s spiderman is on captain americas sheiled and hes about to kill green goblin and peter couldnt give  less of a fuck about killing so on captain’s shield. and its like he fuckign stops because tobey’s peter looks at him and the fuckign symbolism. the look they share fucking bone chilling. he stops because he sees a future glimpse of himself thru tobey and doesn’t want to take the same actions he took. he doens’t want to kill this man and live with that . he sees a version of humself that he wants better for omg. 
18. i love that tobey’s spiderman was the oldest and therfore wisest. giving andrew’s peter hope that you can move forward with life, you can fall in love. showing peter that he doesn’t need to kill to avenge his aunt. the fact that he had all this time to live with his actions and know that if he could go back and change it he would because uncle ben wouldnt have wanted that and when he looks at peter at the end he conveys that to him. aunt may wouldn’t want you to kill him you dont want to live with this pain forever like i do. please stop. bone chilling and tom’s peter just fucking listens. he doesnt make the mistake that will haunt him forever. tobey’s peter gave tom’s peter something he never had, he gave him the strength and lvoe and wisdom to stop omg tobey’s spiderman made a choice he couldn’t change and so he was ther to make sure tom didn’t make the same choice and have to live with the same pain
19. andrew’s peter was a different kind of path. he was still grieving gwen, he prolly always will. but when mj fell i know that every fiber in him was screaming save gwen. just “not again not again not agian” he was there to save tom’s peter pain. he couldnt save gwen but he’ll be damned if he didnt save tom’s mj. he could spare tom’s peter all the pain and suffering he went thought and probablu still goes through. andrew’s peter ending was a tragedy that he couldn’t change and had to live with so he was there to make sure that tom’s peter didn’t have that pain
20. as the villians were coming in to this universe, tobey’s peter says saomethign like he could feel that tom’s peter needed help and i fucking loved that. tobey and andrew’s spidey tingles workign overtime to find peter and i think they could feel that he needed them after aunt may died. they needed to be there to help him face this pain.
21. andrew stole the show i may be bias but are u kidding me, he came in. jostled around with tobey’s peter. told them i love you with no hesitations and got tobey’s blessing, put up a hell of a fight, saved peter’s mj, cried about it, threw him the antidote, hugged it all out and threw up a peace sign while shooting meaningful looks to tom’s peter and disappaered. WHAT A MAN, but seriously so glad he got to redeem his peter parker/spiderman. gave his spiderman a proper goodbye and a satisfying ending that he can be proud of rather than being left with this tragic painful one. hIS EYES WERE SO BRIGHT OK. he got to be around his hero, he got his hero to call him the amazing spiderman, and holy fuck you could see the shift in color. he needed to see the pther parkers ( they all needed each other.) them giving him hope for more in his life. him saving mj from the same accident gwen died in fuck i cant stop thinking about that scene i was basically on my feet. what a heartbreakingly healing moment.
 thank you andrew, thank you tobey, thank you tom. you lot killed it 
thats all for now hehehe 
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lightrises · 4 years ago
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"Only in allowing her to pass..." — Hornet, The Radiance, and the means by which Hallownest turned its victims against each other
A quick note: I read Hollow Knight as an anti-colonialist text. As such I'll be touching on topics related to colonialism as it's depicted in the world of the game, and said analysis will reflect both a sympathetic take on The Radiance and a critique of The Pale King that won't pull its punches. If this sounds up your alley, hello and thank you for the read! Let us be sad about these bugs together.
———
So!! A while back I realized something about pre-canon that felt rather... "curious" is one way to put it, I think. To wit: for all the effort and scheming and determination The Pale King poured into trying to get rid of The Radiance, neither of his plans involved directly killing her.
Was that his long game? Well, sure, that seems clear enough. His tack changed from luring the moths away from their god and creator to a more literal form of incarceration once the infection became a factor, but at its core the end goal never really changed—The Pale King very sincerely wished to destroy Radiance via obsolescence. The Seer lends us foreshadowing to confirm as much:
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[Image descriptions: Two screenshots from Hollow Knight, showing the Seer and Ghost in the Seer's alcove at the Resting Grounds. Across both screenshots, the Seer tells Ghost the following: "None of us can live forever, and so we ask those who survive to remember us. Hold something in your mind and it lives on with you, but forget it and you seal it away forever. That is the only death that matters." End description.]
(Which, by the way and given the context, talk about an extremely unsubtle allusion to cultural genocide huh!!! Whew.)
In any case, we're left with a whole bunch of machinations which build up to... well, two very roundabout attempts at committing deicide. That's kind of weird, all things considered! Why not just do the deed in one fell swoop and get it over with?
This could be for any number of reasons. Maybe the king was devoid of the means to instantly kill another higher being. Maybe his personal sense of scruples stopped him short of signing off on MURDER murder (although, y'know, the aforementioned genocide + eternal imprisonment = still cool and copasectic apparently!). Maybe the long drawn-out cruelty was the point. Maybe the idea of playing fuckign 4D chess with the circumstances was too delicious for him to pass up—that man did love to tinker and stick his claws where they sure as hell didn't belong—or maybe it was a little bit of All The Things. Who knows!!
But interrogating The Pale King's methodology on this count isn't what I'm here for, at least not really. The main reason I raise this question at all is that in her own way, Hornet did too.
"I'd urge you to take that harder path... "
See, going by The Pale King's actions and what The White Lady explicitly says, they both foresaw two outcomes wrt the infection: it can be allowed to spread, or it can be contained. At Teacher's Archives, Quirrel acknowledges the fact that Ghost is expected to do... something about this, but he doesn't elaborate on what HE thinks that's supposed to be apart from the obvious "Gotta bust into Black Egg Temple first". Hornet is the one person who presents to us—to Ghost—what's framed as a third option: confront and destroy the infection at its source.
And she doesn't bring it up like it's just another tactic for Ghost to consider, prim and indifferent to what they would do. She nudges them towards it, actively, up to the point where she throws herself into the fray against Hollow at a juncture that's uniquely dangerous to her and her alone just to make that option feasible.
Even when she's couching it in disclaimers that this is still Ghost's decision to make (and let's be fair, she's extremely not wrong about that lol), no one can pretend Hornet is unbiased. It's obvious in that buttoned-down Hornet kind of way that she is way the hell done with the increasingly tenuous stalemate that's kept Hallownest's desiccated corpse from collapsing in on itself. Personally it's hard for me not to read some Toriel Undertale-esque "My father was too entrenched in his own foolishness to pursue any course of action that would have DEFINITIVELY ended this" shade into her stance here, regardless of whether that's strictly true in canon.
And that bit—Hornet's hopes for an end to Hallownest's stasis, moreover her grim calculation of what needs to be done to get there—that's the bit I find super interesting but likewise tragic and depressing as shit, on multiple levels. In no small part because a) canon itself gestures towards Hornet feeling conflicted about the very plan she's pushing, and moreover b) she has at least two (2) damn good reasons to feel that way.
So, what do I mean by that? Let's look here first:
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[Image description: A screenshot from Hollow Knight, of Hornet and Ghost inside the Temple of the Black Egg, standing in front of the unsealed egg itself. Hornet has been struck by the Dream Nail and her dialogue is displayed as follows: "... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?" End description.]
As the curtain is about to drop on things one way or another, Hornet thinks,
... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?
Now, looking at that last bit it's easy to go "Oh no, Hornet's worried that Ghost won't survive killing The Radiance!" And I do think that's part of it: Hornet is, categorically, not her father. By endgame it's clear she's not content to view her Void-borne siblings as tools to be used then disposed of. She's also well aware that as a healthy autonomous Vessel amongst the countless dead, Ghost is the only person left alive who has a fighting chance against The Radiance. Knowing someone is the only qualified candidate for the job doesn't make encouraging them to embrace a probable death sentence any less of a bitter pill to swallow, though. And odds are on that this sentiment extends to Hollow too, who IS going to die no matter what happens here. To put it bluntly, it's more than reasonable to conclude that Hornet hates the absolute fuck out of this.
But I don't think that's all there is to it either. Remember what I said earlier about The Pale King's bids for genocide? Well, it's not like the man deigned to limit his efforts to just the moth tribe.
"We do not choose our mothers... "
On top of everything else—an infected Hallownest being all she's ever known, the fact that she only exists because of the infection, the list goes on—Hornet has spent her life wedged into a position that's been uncomfortable and terminally unglamorous at best: she is both a daughter of her father's kingdom and of Deepnest.
Deepnest, which like the moths and many others was here long before the wyrm and his lady wife swanned onto the scene and the God Become Bug laid claim to everything the Light touched plus a considerable amount of change. THAT Deepnest, which has fought claw and thread to retain its sovereignty against same-said settler king, and for which Herrah not only surrendered her life but also agreed to bed her worst enemy, all in hopes of securing a viable future for her people (put a pin in that last part by the way, I'll come back to it soon).
Two Worlds, One Family (Ft. An Indigenous Woman Trying Her Damndest To Work With What She's Got Versus An Imperialist Who Only Signed Up For This Because He Needed The Political Favor THAT Badly, So It's The Height Of Dysfunctional Actually). Fun times!!!!
The baggage this entails for Hornet is gnarly enough without implications made by The White Lady and the pre-canon timeline of events and even Team Cherry's dev notes that the king may well have looked at baby Hornet, gone "YOINK", then ensured she spent the lion's share of her childhood reared within the pearly auspices of his Pale Court*. That would be rather advantageous for Him Specifically after all, the potential to mold a born foe into a future ally and even have her trained in combat under the same tutelage as her doomed sibling. And far be it from him to stop a grown Hornet—his own flesh and blood too!—from making Deepnest her forever home if she so pleased. He totally wouldn't be reneging on his "fair bargain made" by doing this one simple thing until Hornet came of age, not t e c h nic c a l l y.
If that is indeed the case, there's a non-zero chance Hornet's formative years were a hot mess of cultural alienation and being a good deal more privy than most to just how much of a bastard her father could be. There's an equally non-zero chance that at some point she stood or sat within earshot as The Pale King finally, finally dropped all pretense and euphemism to name the Light for precisely what (for who) it was.
See, in conjunction with the question that started this whole dang train of thought I've been asking this one too: Does Hornet know? When she speaks of confronting "the heart of [the] infection" does she know she's talking about not just a literal person but someone very specific? The Radiance, who god though she may be shares skin in the game alongside Hornet as a native woman screwed over by the same settler king, likewise deprived of her kin and saddled with a life gone horrendously pear-shaped?
I'll assume for the sake of exploring the possibility and because I think it's a likely one anyway that yes, Hornet does know. She knows, and despite everything can't help empathizing. She might even look at Radiance and see bits and pieces both reflected and slightly inversed in her own mother: Radiance was forced to the sidelines while her people—her children, the brood she was meant to lead and care for—died out under The Pale King's rule, and it's no stretch to assume she's at least as upset about that as she has been about everything else; Herrah too took drastic measures for her people's sake, trying to head off annihilation by relegating herself to the sidelines in an act that was as much calculated risk as an attempt to find wiggle room and leverage in the face of a nasty proposition.
A calculated risk that, if things continue as they are, might well amount to nothing as the rest of Deepnest gets eaten alive by the infection. It survived The Pale King's advances for so so long, only to fall here. Herrah's sacrifice would be for naught; the other tribes—themselves the king's victims—would keep succumbing to the infection too.
And this is where things fall apart.
"... or the circumstance into which we are born."
Let's be clear: I think Hornet is wise enough to know what's what here, that all the carnage and suffering falls on her father's head for starting this slow-motion trainwreck in the first place. Hallownest wasn't always Hallownest. This domain was Radiance's home first, along with many others. It was the worm-turned-king who rolled up on the scene unsolicited and decided this was a ""'problem""" that had to be """solved""".
But the fact of the matter is that he's gone and The Radiance is here, raging, seemingly inconsolable. Above and beyond being Deepnest's rightful heir, Hornet isn't in a position to countenance more splash damage even if the grief and fury fueling it makes perfect sense. She can understand without ever bringing herself to love Radiance, and she can bend her knee to practicality even if she hates the everloving shit out of it because the fact that it "has" to end this way isn't fair.
This lends itself to one last awful conclusion: that Hornet has probably considered and (rightly or wrongly) discarded the possibility that Radiance can be saved, at least not without dragging more collateral along for the ride. If even her mother and every other enemy to the king seemed to dismiss talking Radiance down as an option way back when... well. Why should Hornet hope for any better after things have escalated so far?
Again, it's practical. A practical net good is what Hornet strives for. And again, it fucking sucks.
For extra tragedy points, this makes Hornet's extended crypticness around Ghost followed by her last minute casting about for a reason to tell them "Wait, don't; not just yet" that she never voices even more of a gut punch. She can't bring herself to burden Ghost with the context that haunts her so, least of all when it might weaken their resolve to go through with what (she thinks) needs doing.
It's the "same song, different verse" which led to the mantis tribe and Deepnest being pitted against each other: Hallownest rigged the game so that two women who could have been powerful allies—who have a mutual vested interest in driving out settler rule—wound up poised as enemies instead. And how awful is that? The king for all his being extremely fucking dead still gets the last laugh, because outside of a miracle the game never manifests Hornet can salvage what her mother started and look forward to a future where Deepnest pulls itself back from the brink if and only if The Radiance dies.
Resolution comes at the price of a completed genocide. Add two more dead siblings to the unconscionable pile thereof, while we're at it. That's what it boils down to whether or not Hornet can bear to articulate it as such, and there's no grace or even a properly bittersweet ending to wring from this clusterfuck. And that is rough.
———
* This has been better explained elsewhere, but a quick rundown: The White Lady tells Ghost that Hornet and Herrah "were permitted little time together." On its surface this can be taken to mean that Hornet was still very young when Herrah was shipped off to Eternal Dreamland—except this doesn't jive with the fact that we meet Hornet as an adult. If the stasis kicked in once the Dreamers went to their rest, which in turn halted the aging process for every living bug in Hallownest, AND before all this Hornet experienced little by the way of quality time with her birth mother... I think you can see where I'm going with this.
To top it off we've got Team Cherry weighing in ominously from their dev notes on Herrah: "As part of the agreement for her alliance and her role as a dreamer, King gave her a child (Hornet). Was she allowed to keep this child or was she taken away?" This isn't confirmation by itself of course, but given additional canon details (see above): Can I get a "yikes" in the chat fellas.
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boognish-worshipper · 3 years ago
Text
Remember the Rain
praying this is the final part of “Sunrise, Sunset” by the time i’m done omg ,, lamar finally talks it out with frank. i was tryna keep the titles consistent with a sky theme? wasn’t sure what to name this one at first, but i settled on naming it after a i song that i felt was sorta fitting lol ,, also lamar’s dramatic when drunk, that’s jus how it’s gonna be
oh and i included one last convo w/ that psychic lady bc each character got three opportunities to speak to her lol
//
The night Franklin and him fought was the third night in a row Lamar couldn’t sleep right. Then it became four. Then five. Six. He had hoped after the first couple days of Franklin being mad, that it’d all blow over and things would go back to normal. That he wouldn’t ever have to say anything about what he felt deep down. Even though he told himself he had to, he wouldn’t. He waited it out, and still hoped it would all just fucking blow over. That wasn’t what happened of course.
An overcast sky was spread over LS, light rain tapping against Lamar’s window. As cheesy as it was, it reflected how he felt. Another day had passed. Franklin wasn’t picking up, not even reading his texts, nothing. He called a couple times at first when the fourth day of the silent treatment occurred, then tried a few more times to contact him in the following days. It had grown into a long and sad string of texts.
franklin.
dog
plz
pick up
answer me
plz?
c’mon frank i told you i have nothin goin on with yo auntie
i wanna talk things out with you.
u ain’t let me finish explaining
text me when u read this. plz bro
He sighed. This was hopeless. He set his phone aside, still laying awake. A buzz came right after. Fucking finally, something.
fuck you
we got nothin to discuss
He didn’t know how to feel. This was fucking him up and he couldn’t think straight. He tried calling him once more, the ringing as he waited for a pick up mocking him. Voicemail yet again. How many messages had he tried leaving at this point?
for fucks sake frank pick up
u ain’t doin this to me rn
jus let me explain myself
He stared at the ceiling yet again, like it would have all the answers sprawled out for him. As he did, he focused on how the rain had picked up, coming down harder. Then he felt his phone buzz.
no
now stop blowing my phone up
i’m tryna sleep
Lamar was never one to be sensitive, but he felt so crushed right now that all he could do was cry silently to himself. He didn’t even have Chop around anymore to comfort him like he normally would whenever Lamar was going through something. Would he even see him again? He lived over at Frank’s now. Fuck. Did this mean they’d have to share custody now? If he wasn’t so upset, he most likely would’ve laughed at the idea of it. He was letting bad thoughts consume him, turning to a last minute resort of drinking to try stopping it. This kind of thing rarely happened to him, these kind of feelings weren’t common. He knew no other method of trying to stuff bad feelings down, working through a 6 pack of beer on his own, followed by a bottle of some type of random liquor. Anything to stifle the pain in his chest, although it didn’t accomplish much other than making him feel even more queasy. He left one last voicemail, choking back a sob. Or what he had thought would be the last one. He lost count.
“Franklin. Please jus’ talk to me already man. You- you believin’ what you wanna believe right now, you ain’t even givin’ me a chance. You my best fuckin’ friend, don’t that mean shit to you anymore? We.. homies n shit.” He sniffled, cringing to himself when he said the words “best friend”. Franklin was so much more than that to him.
“Ion… Ion think I can live without you in my life. You can’t hate me man that shit.. that’s fucked. This is fucked. I’m fucked.”
A strong feeling of humiliation hung around him for many reasons, one being that he was fully crying now, over the phone. He couldn’t get any lower.
“You jus’ mad right now. But you.. you won’t be, eventually. Right? Please get back to me soon. Please. I’d rather fuckin’.. die or sum’ than have you hatin’ me n shit. At this point I might as well.”
After hanging up, he decided to visit that site one last time. His tears blurred his vision, making it harder to type. The shit in his system didn’t help either.
lady
i fuckef up
thsi is yo faukt
What now? Why are you back?
frankljn hates me
He does? That’s not right.
damn straighy it fuckign isnt
No, I mean that’s not correct.
There’s no way that he could, even if it seems like it right now.
jus fuckin tell me whst to do
That’s out of my hands.
is not u fuckin wirch
*withc
*witch
Look, I really don’t know how else to help you. I don’t have any other visions to offer. You’re on your own.
They do say though, that dreams are visions themselves.
dont fukcin speak in riddles rn
Precognition, Lamar. Just have faith
prewhatnow
n yeah. faith. bc that helps so fuckn much
All I can say to you is good luck - it’s all coming together. Just wait.
th fuck does that mean?
It means that you’re stressing too much - you better sleep it off. Farewell Lamar. You’re gonna have a killer hangover you know…
SERVICE UNAVAILABLE. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER.
The notification did nothing but make him more upset. He calmed down eventually, the crying and alcohol tiring him out. He blacked out soon after, not remembering when he fell asleep.
For the first time in a while, he dreamt about the two of them. The start of the dream showed a radiant sight before them, the sky lit up in a million shades. Chop was laying beside Franklin, head on his thigh. All three of them sat on a grassy knoll, a soft breeze blowing through each blade. Franklin turned, Lamar not taking his eyes off him since the dream started. He only noticed the sky’s wide color palette because the intensity struck Franklin’s face just right. He looked right into Lamar’s eyes, speaking softly.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“What?”
“You had so many opportunities. So many times, I thought that you would. I got my hopes up, you know. I waited. When Tanisha left.. I only had you.”
“Tanisha..”
“I still love her. I.. I think apart of me always will, but I love you just the same. Even if you drive me up a Goddamn wall sometimes. You both mean the world to me.”
Franklin looked back at the view ahead. A heavenly indigo replaced the vivid hues from before.
“But she’s gone now. Shit ain’t the same. All I know is you stayed when she didn’t. Even when she got pulled outta the hood and made some kinda new life for herself, you never left my side. Never changed yo loyalties.”
He turned back to face Lamar again. His eyes were glassy, the glow of the midnight sky reflecting in them.
“So why didn’t you say somethin’ sooner?”
“Franklin.. I ain’t deduce that shit ‘til now.“
“You really didn’t know?”
Even in the dream he could feel that previous frustration occur in his mind. Was he hiding in a glass closet or something? He could only let out a wry laugh.
“Yeah man. I was a fuckin’ fool, jus’ like you always said.”
“Damn straight.” He chuckled, and Lamar came to the conclusion that he could listen to that laugh forever. Franklin’s face then fell solemn.
“Y’know I really thought that.. I really thought that you jus’ got with someone else. Not even jus’ my Aunt. I saw how you wanted to get away from me, and I thought…” He stopped himself, petting Chop’s head.
“I.. wanted to be happy if you was, but the thought of that at all bothered me.”
“Why?”
“Cuz you were all I had, dog. Mike n Trevor, they have their own lives, their own history n shit. I can’t always rely on them. Denise don’t give a fuck what happen to me. You my lifeline dog, I’ve known you for years. I didn’t want you to forget me over a chick or sum’. That day you acted all different n shit, it worried me.”
“Hey man, y’know I ain’t ever gon pull that shit on you. I’m with you for life.”
“Then don’t pull other kinda stupid shit on me.”
“Whatchu mean?”
“You can’t ever die on me bro. That ain’t how this shit works.”
“Ay man, I don’t plan on dying jus’ yet. Not unless yo ass by my side. Not ‘til I tell you I…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.
Franklin got closer to his face, cupping his cheek. His eyes shone as the stars around them fell from the sky, akin to raindrops, hitting them. Everything about him was flooding Lamar’s senses, and it felt surreal, between his aroma and all the other things he loved about Franklin. Golden flecks covered them both, and the stars continued to crash down. The sky was growing darker than before.
“Just say the words Lamar. Say them and this shit’ll be over.”
“How?”
“Well first you need to wake yo ass up.”
“Huh?”
“I said wake up, fool!”
Lamar’s blissful dream had been interrupted by an unknown figure shaking him, literal raindrops hitting his face. He was still bleary eyed, only seeing a vague silhouette in front of him. A wet slap to the face rattled his brain around, the hangover settling in. Shit, was he still drunk? What time was it?
“Lamar! Get up!”
“Oh.. Th’fuck? Who- who that is?” He grunted out.
“It’s me you fuckin’ clown!”
“Frank?”
“Who the fuck else?”
“Why are you-”
He was abruptly yanked out of bed, thudding to the floor with a small “oof”.
“Get up you punk bitch!”
“Franklin what the fuck-”
He was grabbed again, tossed back onto his bed. Franklin straddled him, shaking Lamar by the collar.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He said, Lamar getting another slap to the face.
“What in the fresh fuck is you talkin’-” Another slap.
“15 fuckin’ missed phone calls! 15! Are you fuckin’ nuts?!”
Lamar’s eyes practically popped out of his head. 15? What the fuck did he say to him?
“I did what-”
Franklin shook him even harder by his shirt, stretching the material out. He was straining his voice now.
“You had me worried like fuckin’ crazy! I thought you was in some sorta fuckin’ trouble again! You blew my phone up when I told yo ass not to, and then didn’t fuckin’ pick up after I heard the first couple special messages you left me!”
Oh God. This was it. He told Franklin everything, didn’t he? The color drained from his face.
“Oh fuck me..” He mumbled, putting a hand over his eyes.
“What?!” Franklin yelled, shaking him again. Lamar’s head was pounding.
“Franklin.. what.. what I say on there? I barely remember a thing, let alone callin’ yo ass.”
“You seriously don’t fuckin’ remember?!”
“Yeah. Seriously, man.”
Franklin slid off of him, putting a palm to his face. He breathed through his nose hard, trying to calm down. Lamar realized he was drenched from the small downpour outside. Pellets of rain thumped against the window as a reminder that the storm never went away.
“You.. fuck, man. You started sayin’ all this shit about how bad a fuckin’ friend you was. That you, you was hidin’ all this shit and couldn’t live another day without tellin’ me.”
Okay. Good. He didn’t tell him the truth.
“You told me you wanted to die dog. Didn’t realize yo dumbass was safe n sound asleep in yo fuckin’ bed.”
“Oh.”
“…’Oh’? Is that really all you have to say?!”
“F, I was jus’ drunk. It was dumb of me, I know, but I.. It’s nothing, okay?”
“Don’t do this shit to me man! I’ve already dealt with enough of yo fuckin’ schemes n shit-”
“Frank.”
“It’s 3 am! You had Chop barkin’ his Goddamn head off the whole night!”
“Franklin.”
“Then I race my ass over here to find yo drunkass self passed out in bed-”
“Franklin.”
“What! What?! You finally gonna put yo two cents in for once?”
“Stop yelling. My head hurts like a bitch right now.”
“Good! I’m fuckin’ glad because I know mine does as well you fuckin’ asshole!”
Lamar looked pathetically up at him. This was getting out of hand. He let it go on for too long.
“Why did you come here then?” He croaked.
“Because you were fuckin’ sobbin’ into the phone! All I heard was you cryin’ like mad fuckin’ crazy and it scared me. You don’t ever do that shit, not even when you fucked up.”
“How much I say?”
“I got the first message pretty fuckin’ clear, the rest was jus’ incoherent bullshit. I barely got through the second one before speedin’ on over. You sounded hurt n shit, I thought something happened. I thought you was a goner.”
“No weird shit though right? I ain’t say nothin’ bad?”
“What? Lamar, what the fuck are you on about? I just told you what yo ass cried out to me! I couldn’t even understand any of the other messages!”
“Okay, okay. That’s.. good I guess.”
“That’s good? Fuckin’ hell, why did I come here? You- ugh!”
“Franklin. Can you jus’ sit down before you pop a fuckin’ blood vessel? You stressin’ for nothin’.”
If anything, Lamar should be the one stressing right now. He had been so close to confessing without knowing. Franklin sat next to him, arms crossed.
“Franklin.”
“What.”
“I’m sorry that I scared you. I didn’t mean to.”
“Well good fuckin’ job, you accomplished that real well didn’t you.” He said, sarcastically applauding him.
“I thought you were cutting me off for good homie. You think I was gon’ let that happen?”
“Lamar, that still ain’t a good reason to freak me out like that in the middle of the night.”
“It’s only cuz you hadn’t been listenin’ to me bro. I’ve been wanting to tell you somethin’ so badly lately and I never.. got the chance.”
“Then do pray fuckin’ tell LD, what the fuck is so important that you had to do this shit to me at 3 AM!”
“Franklin man, c’mon-”
“No! Don’t start!”
Franklin stood, heading for the door as he spoke. He stopped in the threshold.
“Tell me what the fuck is goin’ on with you, or I’m leavin’ yo sad ass here to wallow. I mean it L.”
“Don’t be like that. Please man. I want to, but I-”
“Jus’ fuckin’ tell me! Why won’t you tell me?!”
“Frank-”
“I dragged my ass all the way over here for nothin’ didn’t I? You ain’t dead, you ain’t sayin’ shit, you jus’ bein’ so- ugh! Fuck!” He threw his hands up, exiting Lamar’s bedroom.
“I’m done man, fuck this.”
“Franklin wait- don’t go-” He pleaded.
Franklin did nothing but leave him stranded again, thunder rolling far in the distance. Lamar ran after him as he walked out the door, hearing the rain heavily hit the pavement. His mind was racing far ahead of him. Franklin was leaving, he was leaving for good, and he couldn’t. He can’t. That’s not how it’s supposed to work. Franklin can’t do that, he can’t-
His mind had gone so far away, that he didn’t even realize that he had tackled Franklin to the ground. The two of them fell to the ground with a loud splat, followed by sounds of pain.
“Lamar what the fuck?!”
“Don’t go! Fuckin’ hell, I gotta chase yo ass and for what?!”
“Get off me dog!”
“No!” Franklin was pinned beneath him. The raindrops that rolled off of Lamar hit him in the face.
It reminded Lamar of when they were younger, playing football or whatever sport they could outside even as the deluge soaked them both to the bone. The roles had been reversed, with Franklin constantly knocking him down onto the grassy sludge. They got quite an earful from Lamar’s mom as they tracked mud in the house upon returning. It was a memory amongst many that stuck with him like glue. Those memories couldn’t go away. Franklin couldn’t go away.
Tears mixed in with the rain as he yelled out to him.
“You fuckin’ idiot! Why you makin’ this shit so hard for me?! You keep leavin’ before I can even finish!”
Franklin struggled to break free from Lamar’s grip on his wrists, huffing as he looked away.
“Look at me!” Lamar shouted, grabbing his face with a free hand.
“I didn’t wanna fuckin’ tell you like this, but Jesus Christ! For fucks sake you stubborn asshole-”
He was doing it. He bit the fucking bullet.
“You know how we got into that fuckin’ argument last week? When I told you that I was dealin’ with that whole love thing, I wasn’t talkin’ about yo Aunt, a hoe, nobody else! I was talkin’ about you!”
Lamar threw himself off of him, stumbling backwards. Franklin propped himself onto his elbows. He finally said it. He said it, and he was far from finished.
“But you didn’t wanna fuckin’ listen! And now I’ve fucked our friendship over for a second time! All because of you! This whole thing has been drivin’ me fuckin’ insane lately, and I couldn’t do shit about it! I tried so, so hard to avoid this, but nothin’ ever goes my way, huh?! Every time I think a plan of mine’ll work, it doesn’t! You know why?!”
Opening his arms wide, he spoke loud and clear, finishing his rant.
“Lemme remind you: I’m Lamar fuckin’ Davis! The biggest fuckin’ fool, fuckin’ clown, fuckin’ whatever you wanna call me! Lamar Davis, the most naïve bitch on the planet! Fuck me for thinking that this would ever go well!”
Now it was his turn to leave. But he didn’t go back into his house. His legs moved for him, walking in no particular direction. He just needed to get away from Franklin, not caring about how damp his clothes were now. He was shaking, and he didn’t know if it was from the rain or the range of emotions he was flying through.
He could hear a pair of sneakers squishing behind him. Franklin was running, and he was catching up fast.
“Ay Lamar! Get back here!”
Oh fuck. He was chasing after him now. That’s not good. Lamar started running himself, not caring about possibly slipping and falling on his ass. Only a few hours ago, he had told himself he couldn’t be without Franklin. Now all he wanted to do was run away.
“Lamar!”
Fuck fuck fuck.
He wasn’t fast enough. The second time they hit the ground, Lamar had the wind knocked right out of him, the duo splashing right into a puddle. Hands gripped his shoulders, flipping him around.
“Lamar!”
There were only a few instances in his life where Lamar felt small. He’d always been big in character, big in height, and according to him, big in other ways. But this was one of those moments where he couldn’t help but flinch, wanting to collapse in on himself. He was so tired.
“If you gon’ beat my ass or somethin’ jus’ get it over with.” He sighed, shutting his eyes tight.
When he felt nothing but raindrops touch his face, he opened his eyes slowly. His heart sank when he did. Franklin was visibly upset, guilt in his eyes.
“Lamar. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
A wave of déjà vu washed over him. Oh. So that’s what precognition meant. Motherfucking psychic lady.
“You should’ve jus’ told me man.”
“I tried dog. You wouldn’t hear me out.”
“Cuz I.. I thought you got with someone. I didn’t wanna hear it straight from yo mouth if you was.”
He shifted up, Frank sitting in his lap.
“Y’know I always thought that.. Part of me jus’ kinda thought that it’d always be the two of us. I’m never gonna get Tanisha back.. but you..”
Franklin looked away.
“You a crazy ass loyal motherfucker man. You stuck by my side no matter what, and some dumbass part of me was convinced that you… I mean fuck, so many times I thought you would jus’ flat out say something. Somethin’ so I could stop waiting for the one other person I had known forever to just say that they fuckin’ loved me like that.”
Lamar blinked, rainwater getting into his eyes. It wasn’t quite as serene as his dream had been, nor was it verbatim, but Lamar didn’t care. There was something about the way the water droplets sat along Franklin’s face, highlighted by a streetlight behind him that made him look angelic.
“When you started actin’ all weird it jus’.. made me so fuckin’ mad man. I thought you was gon’ pick someone else over me. Jus’ like Tanisha did.”
“Franklin..”
“So why didn’t you jus’ say somethin’ sooner? I waited. Hell, I don’t even know why I did at first.”
“Franklin.”
“But now I’m realizin’ you must not have even noticed yoself what you was feelin’, when I fuckin’ did. I noticed and you didn’t and-”
Lamar grabbed him by the face, grip surprisingly strong after being in the rain.
“How many times do I gotta say yo name for you to hear me?”
The rain kept falling, never slowing for either one of them. Yet, it felt like time stopped. Lamar chuckled lightly.
“Franklin Clinton and Lamar Davis. Two of the dumbest motherfuckers in LS. Homies for life.”
“Yeah. Homies for life.”
His hands never left Franklin’s face. He pressed their foreheads together, lowering his voice.
“I love you, bum ass bitch.”
“Yeah yeah. I love you too.”
He kissed the top of his head, moving his hands down to embrace him in a tight hug. When was the last time they did this? As he thought it over, he could hear Franklin’s voice muffled against his chest.
“Don’t scare me like that again. Next time save us both the trouble n jus’ spill yo heart out. Dramatic motherfucker.”
The words had no malice in them, Lamar feeling him smile as he said it. He kissed him once more, and they just sat in the rain, feeling it bathe them in fond memories.
//plz listen to remember the rain by 21st century it’s so good 💔😭 anyway ya i decided to end it on a sorta happy note !!!!! franklin is a stubborn guy smh,, sorry for any typos lol also i rlly had no idea where i wanted to go with this so sorry if it’s weird or whatever
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ranboounlabeled · 4 years ago
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Incorrect Quotes
So I had the bright idea one day to make incorrect quotes based on a DnD campaign and the players. Why not post them here? If any of them find this and request this to be deleted, I won’t mind. Blu - DM, any other character you don’t see listed here Tuck - Alzora Autumn/Me - Aria Maria - Yeet Bard - Tad Whipple - Niyana ~ Aria at 3AM: Alzora wake up Alzora, annoyed: What is it? Aria: If butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans/mobians in their stomach? Alzora: The rest of Team Supernova: Niyana: aria what the fuck Yeet: No no, wait. She has a point. Yeet: What if they’re mobian butterflies? Snipe: What if they just feel really tiny butterflies in their stomachs? Niyana: That’s morbid. ~ Aria: is pink panther a lion Alzora: say that again but slower Aria: i don't get it? Alzora: he's the pink PANTHER Aria: okay? but is he a lion? Alzora: Aria. he's a panther Aria: is that a kind of lion??? Alzora: no it's a fucking panther Aria: I just googled it. Are they not pink?  Alzora: AND LIONS ARE??? ~ Yeet: *gets shot* Shit. Alzora: Language! ~ Niyana: Is 4 alot? Aria/Alzora: Depends on the context. Aria/Alzora: Money? No. Aria/Alzora: Murders? Yes. ~ Yeet: Just a reminder that I'm non-binary so if you've got a crush on me, u gay bro ~
Alzora: if one of you says that stupid thing again I will not hesitate to give you frost bite Aria: aw that's so sad alexa play despacito Alzora: starting with you Alt idea from our DM (context, Alzora is an ice dragon and I compare her to Elsa alot): Aria: thats so sad, alexa play Let it Go. Alzora: you will die in 3 days ~ Niyana: THE FLOOR IS LAVA Yeet: *helps Snipe onto a chair* Alzora: *throws Aria off the table* revenge Niyana: There are two types of people ~ Alzora: If anyone says ‘mood’ ‘same’ or 'me’ in response to something I say ever again, I will throw you out the nearest window Yeet: Mood Aria: Same Niyana: Me Alzora calling tad: hello? Tad can you come here quickly? Tad: why what happened? Alzora: well lets just say there’s a gun in my hand, 3 dead bodies on the floor, blood on the walls floor and ceiling, and police on the way Tad: Tad: what Tad: The police are going to be there? Yeah, you're on your own ~ Aria: Mobius is a hot, molten core with a solid crust. Therefore, its a ravioli Alzora: Please stop Yeet, taking notes: No no let her finish ~ Aria: Comparing me and Alzora is like comparing apples to oranges. Aria: I mean, I like apples, and I really don't like oranges. Aria: Oranges are annoying. ~ nesta: fuck your cake! aria: 
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~ Niyana: I’ve been working on my evil laugh! ‘Cause everybody’s got an evil laugh, you know, like... Ha ha ha ha HA! Like that. Alzora: Okay, here’s the thing. You’re not ready... for the evil laugh, okay, you can do a chuckle? Like a mildly upset chuckle? After MY evil laugh. ~ Snipe: You're smiling. Did something good happen? Aria: Can't I smile just because I feel like it? Niyana: Alzora tripped and fell down the stairs. ~ Yeet: So, why is Aria mad at you? Alzora: They sneezed and I accidentally said "shut the fuck up" instead of "bless you". Yeet: Alzora: Yeet: How do you accidentally say "shut the fuck up"?! ~ Alzora: Anyone who says 'uwu' or 'owo' again is being arrested for crimes against humanity! Aria: Cwimes against huwumanity. Alzora: I'm going to break your fingers. ~ Yeet, while crying: LOVE IS DEAD AND NEVER EXISTED! ALL YOU DID WAS BETRAY ME AS I LAY SICK AND FESTERING! YOU ARE THE DEFINITION OF DREAD! Snipe: Are you ok???  Yeet, crying even more: NIYANA STOLE MY FUCKIGN WEAPONS! [This breakdown is immediately followed by Yeet trying to beat the shit out of a 15 year-old] ~ Alzora: Good Morning!   Aria: Good Morning everyone Snipe: Good Morning. [ half of everyone else says their good mornings] Yeet: My god you all sound like robots! “good morning” this “good morning” that. Yeet: Spice it up!!! Niyana: HEY MOTHERFUCKERS ~ Alzora: *falls*  Alzora: Alzora: I suppose I’ll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies. ~ Aria: Tall people are the enemy! Alzora: I'm sorry, I can't hear you from up here. Aria: I will tie your fucking shoelaces together and you won't even know it! ~ Niyana: But rules were made to be broken! Tad: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken. Nesta: Uh, pinatas. Alzora: Glow sticks. Yeet: Karate boards. Aria: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. Niyana: And rules! Snipe: Don’t forget bones. Yeet: Ye-Wait no- ~ Aria: Onion rings are just vegetable doughnuts. Alzora, used to Aria: Sure they are, Aria. Aria: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed. Alzora: Okay. Aria: Lasagna is just spaghetti-flavored cake. Alzora: … Aria, oblivious: Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions. Alzora, crying: Aria, please stop. Yeet, fascinated: No, continue. ~ Yeet: Hey, Snipe, what are you doing here? Snipe: This is where I come to cry. Yeet: What. Snipe: I said this is where I come to be a cool guy. ~ [loud crashing comes from Team Supernova's room, Tad runs in to find the room completely trashed] Tad: What happened in here!? [The rest of the Team are on an elevated surface]  Aria, on top of the bookshelf, shaking: We saw a spider... ~ Yeet: Isn’t it amazing what friends learn from each other? Aria: I learn a lot from Phin because he makes so many mistakes. ~ Aria: AVJDJAHDHSHS Tad: what is that? Aria: a keyboard smash Tad: how do I do it? Aria: just press anything Tad: 7 ~ Alzora: Bitch. Aria: Blocked. Alzora: Wait, unblock me, I need to tell you something. Aria: Unblocked. Alzora: Bitch. ~ Alzora: Don’t say a word. Aria: Aria: Fergalicious. Alzora: I said no words. Aria: Oh, I see. Two weeks ago playing Scrabble, it’s not a word. Now suddenly it is a word because it’s convenient for you. ~ Aria: Olli? Why are you outside? It's pouring! Olli, drenched: The aesthetic, Miss Aria. Aria: Olli, please. Olli: ThE aEsThEtIc, MiSs ArIa! ~ Niyana: There’s no “i” in happyness. Aria: There is if you fuckin’ spell it right. ~ Niyana: Do you care if I take the skin off the Furby? Niyana: I want to make him a God. Once he is free of his sinful flesh he can begin the path towards enlightenment. He will take care of Us. Niyana: Also I want to softhack his circuits. Yeet: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that sentence ever again. Tad, not looking up from his sketch book: I could design some long furby designs if you need me to. ~ Stella: I have a mafia! Yeet: We have a Niyana. ~ Yeet: Bro. Snipe: What bro? Yeet: Tell the whole world we’re bros. Snipe: *whispers* We’re bros. Yeet: Why’d you whisper bro? Snipe: Because you’re my whole world bro. Yeet: B R O. ~ Yeet: Your house is burning down! You can only save one thing. What do you save? Aria: My house?? ~ Aria: Yeet, do you ever want to talk about your emotions? Yeet: No. Alzora: I do. Aria: I know, Alzora. Alzora: I’m sad. Aria: I know, Alzora. ~ Stella: *looking around in closet* What should I change into? Snipe: A better person. ~ Whatever characters Yeet writes into fanfiction: *hugging and vibing* Yeet: Who would ever want to harm such a loving relationship? Yeet, brandishing a pen: I WOOOOULD! ~ Yeet: Chillax~ Alzora: That’s not a word. Yeet: Sometimes the ones who deny “chillax” are the ones who need to chillax the most. ~ Aria: 13 year old me would be both terrified and in awe at who I am now. Niyana: 13 year old me wouldn't think I'd get this far. Yeet: I would fight a 13 year old me. ~ Snipe: Yeet came into my room in the middle of the night, I pretended to be asleep, and they stroked my hair for a minute then left. Are they planning to kill me??? Aria: No they just care about you, idiot. ~ Yeet: Well, I guess you could say I’ve fallen for you. Snipe: You just fell down seven flights of stairs, how are you even alive? ~ Yeet: I wish I could block people in real life. Alzora: A restraining order. Niyana: Murder. ~ Alzora: What the frick is wrong with you? Snipe: Please be more specific and resubmit with the proper paperwork. ~ [on a city bus] Stranger: Are you traveling for business or pleasure? Alzora, in full armor: Combat. ~ Aria: Who ate my fries? Yeet? Yeet: I don’t like fries. Aria: Snipe? Snipe: I don’t need food. Aria: Niyana? Niyana: …It was Alzora. Alzora: Yeah it was. Aria: wh ~ Alzora: They are completely literal people. Metaphors go over their heads. Yeet: Nothing goes over my head... my reflexes are too fast! I would catch it. ~ Yeet: Live by the ass, die by the ass. Tad: S t o p ~ Niyana: Is there a word that is a mix between sad and mad? Tad: Malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolate. Yeet: Smad. ~ Tad: If someone is trying to rob a civilian, what is the correct course of action? Yeet: T-pose to assert dominance Tad: No. Niyana: Say "Thank you Chaos, for this meal I'm about to have" and then- Tad, interrupting: even worse Yeet, taking notes: Wait, let her finish ~ Aria: Hey Alzora, do you think Snipe feels regret? Because i just saw him choke down one of Tad’s pancakes in half a second. Alzora: Snipe has only one emotion and that’s hubris. ~ Yeet: *peeling a banana* May I take your jacket lol Snipe: Do you think other people can't hear you? ~ Aria: You have to pick your battles, Alzora. Alzora: I’m full of rage and I’m picking all of them. ~ Nesta, T-posing in the hallway: Good morning, parental figure. Tad, not looking up from his coffee: Hello, problem child. ~ Yeet, throwing his head in Snipe’s lap: Tell me I’m pretty. Snipe, lovingly stroking their hair: You’re pretty fucking annoying, that’s what you are. ~ Yeet, hoarsely: I think I'm losing my voice. Niyana: Ha! That means you can't yell at me anymore! [later that day]  Niyana: Turns out, Yeet is scarier when they’re quiet. ~ Snipe: WE'RE SINKING IN DEEP WATER. Yeet: Don't worry. I learned this from a survival TV show. Yeet: OH TOOOOODLES-- ~ Niyana: Who else uses can openers to drink soft drinks? Yeet: This is extremely unhinged I must try it immediately. ~ Snipe: Boil up some mountain dew. It’s gonna be a long night. Aria: You could have said anything else. Yeet: fire burn and cauldron bubble, baja blast to fuel my trouble. ~ Aria: What do you want for dinner? Niyana: How about Sonic? Aria: *whispers* He's so fast how would we catch him-
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oikawa13 · 4 years ago
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love in the time of köttbullar
Shouyou sets the bowl on the tiny table with a flourish and an itadakimasu! and this is when it hits Atsumu harder than a Skurup to the temple:He wants this. Shouyou, hip cocked against the miniature kitchen countertop, smiling shyly up at Atsumu through the amber fan of his lashes, beautiful god-boy-man somehow glowing gold even under the buzzy LED lighting. Though they’re standing in a 430,000 square foot warehouse in Tsurumachi, Atsumu’s looking at Shouyou, and he’s home.
Amid the Flärdfull and the Smörboll, Miya Atsumu falls a little more in love.
words: 3,378 | rating: T
i’ve never been inside an ikea so this fic quite literally changed me as a person. sometimes loving a person is as scary as saying that first i love you!!!! and sometimes... love is easy as saying i love you at an ikea ; ;
LAUNCHING MERRILY DOWN THE PATH OF SIN (THE FIRST TIME)
"Bokuto said I should bring you home. But I don’t know where you live. So I took you here.”
“To hell?”
"No, Atsumu-san. To my apartment."
words: 1,990 | rating T
i wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this fic and then go on ao3 to reread it again its just so fdjgfhdjf good. i think about this shoyo a lot. theres something!!!! very dreamy going on here. this is the first part to a series btw, you can read them all if you want since theyre probably all around 1k :-)
lord i no longer believe in anything but the way he holds my name between his teeth
The miracle of the rabbit on the moon.
“We took this photo at their seventh birthday party. His father baked a cake. But someone ate all the jellybeans off the top before they could even sing the birthday song. That’s why Atsumu cried. He used to cry a lot. It stopped when the twins found out about volleyball, but before that Atsumu would cry over everything. Spilled milk. A skinned knee. The neighbor’s dog. He was the twin that was scared of paper straws. It's funny how things have changed.
“He looks happier now. Did you do that?”
words: 10,456 | rating: T
so, this goes just a liiiiitle past 10k so its up to you if you want to read it or not, i just thought i’d include it since its so! close! lol theres this part!!!!! they are holding hands underneath the table!!!!!!!!! atsumu are you drunk?!!! no!!!!! hes just so stupidly in love with shoyo. i cant stand them!!!!!!!!!!!
wait for it, wait for it
The notifications are up at 100+ again and Hana wants to check it quickly to make sure nothing's wrong, especially because she'd just cleared them before the media scrum. The fans, she figured, must be overjoyed with the win.Congratulations MSBY Nation!!! the first reply reads. #myspiker #atsuhinaBoth tags, she finds, are currently trending in Japan.
Five times #atsuhina trended on volleyball Twitter and one time it should have (but luckily didn't), as told by the MSBY Black Jackals' junior publicist
words: 6,043 | rating: T
this fic is SOOOOO much fun!!!!!! also i love hana, idk if i ever mentioned that before but yeah. this is like... hdjkdhgjfd so much ; ; <3
south of an early summer
Warmth, then, was being wanted back. Two weeks later, Atsumu holds that warmth in by Shouyou’s waist; he watches it, how it sleeps, and wonders what the heat will become next.
words: 2,602 | rating T | tw: atsumu being atsumu about (past) kg/hn for a split second
IF i wasnt an absolute fool and gave you all these recommendations to pick and choose from id just send you this and the walking emoji bc honestly!!!!!!!!! i may not know what the heck romantic means but i see this and maybe it is romantic! maybe its not the average romantic idk?!!!! but i do know theres something beautiful here. love ?? ; ;
truths in two’s
Shouyou leaves for Brazil in two hours.
words: 8,300 | rating: T
LDR.... but like, in probably one of the easiest 2 breathe/good feeling fic for ldr!!!! idk im a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ten reasons to break up with me: a love letter
1. It has to be you, ‘cause I won’t.
words: 4,197 | rating: T
pls....... i cant even THINK about this fic without crying okay!!!!!!!! insane. fuckign!!!! i love it so much, so much. it lives in my heart. this is the fic where i was like... i dont believe in love. yes i do. no<3 YES!!!!!!!! and cried and paced my room and finally FINALLY!!!!!! stopped feeling so hurt about hinata leaving for brazil again lmao!! like, i cant explain. this sounds crazy right???? anyway, i think... atsuhina can love each other so much it hurts when theyre apart but their love is so.... i mean......... they literally waited years to play together... so......... their love keeps them going..... GOODBYE!!!! i love listening to fka twigs cellophane & home with you and just..... being insane. 
just can’t help myself
Five times Hinata takes care of Atsumu, and one time Atsumu returns the favor.
words: 5,025 | rating: T
*think about atshn taking care of each other* *cries*
blue crush
And there’s a promise there, sewn into the easy curve of his lips: I’m not going anywhere, Atsumu-san. Glittering eyes that cut through the rain-blurry dark like a beacon when Shouyou turns back to look up at him. Even if you fuck up all of our dates.
Murphy’s Law as demonstrated by Miya Atsumu.
words: 2,297 | rating: T
atsumu trying very hard to have things perfect and romantic and even in the failures its still very lovely<3
If I’m Icarus, You Must be the Sun (Allow me Three Mistakes)
He wonders if Icarus felt like nothing was wrong with self-destructing, because he had reveled in the sun, if only for a little while.
Atsumu finds, loving Hinata is the same.
Atsumu's love over the years, and the mistakes that accompany it.
words: 4,620 | rating: T
i am...very weak to the whole icarus/sun thing with hinata and his ships. this one though......... i think about it A lot.
in your eyes, i see our future
“Yer’ a real sweetheart, Hinata Shouyou.”
Shouyou smiles brilliantly. “Only for you~”
He scoots over so Shouyou can sit next to him. He can smell the pineapple body wash Shouyou is so fond of the moment he sits down. Shouyou passes the tray over carefully before settling against the headboard comfortably.
“What’s the occasion?"
(Or, Atsumu just really wants to marry Shouyou.)
words: 9,769 | rating: T
fhdsjjkjfdsj goes crazy stupid over marriage!!!!! listen... i do not believe in marriage!!!!! but for atsuhina, oh you bet i do!!!! :-)
breathing a hello
There’s no significance to them ending up here except that both of their lives are held in the sway of volleyball. Everything else comes second.That’s the crux of it, really.
words: 2,826 | rating: T
gjhfsjkfd shhhhhhhhh. my heart is very soft when i think of them here, please..... just!!!! pls.
if you’re out there in the cold, i’ll cover you in moonlight
My [23M] best friend and ex-boyfriend [23M] is visiting me for a week, and my current boyfriend [24M] who agreed to all of this is suddenly withdrawing from me. Can I get some advice? Please? Anyone?
words: 8335 | rating: T | chapters: 3 | tw: past kg/hn 😳
this one is optional since you wanted one shots and theres 3 chapters here. my idea of romantic is...well, i especially love when one of them is acting hurtful/mean/difficult to the other bc their own personal issues but the other loves them anyway??? and then they work on that issue!!! just!!!!! ; ;
Love in the Time of Insomnia
And anyway Hinata was sprinting out faithfully after Atsumu, who had keys to the gym like a badass, and who was going to give his spikers a few more tosses after-hours without Meian knowing like the greatest, most generous badass the Jackals had ever seen. 
words: 2,457 | rating: G
running four kilometers just so atsumu can rest. this is what romantic means!!!! hdkshjfhdj
ode to what you’d have been
5 times it’s Kageyama’s fault and the 1 time Hinata realizes it has never been.
words: 3,628 | rating: G
loving someone including their flaws PART 2!!!!!! ok.... u might be like... um... this is romantic? hfdkhjfd LISTEN!!!! to me!!! there is nothing more romantic than being in love with someone and the ugly parts of them. going, i love you, all of you. and communication!!! and understanding!!! and feeling terrible and shitty and horrible but having the one you love accept you. and trying to help ease your mind, worries. *sobs real hard* also shout out 2 ‘okaaayy.... i hate sakusa now’
a shrine for a  boy
Despite his uncertainty about how to tell Atsumu of his move to São Paulo, Hinata takes action. Things do not go according to plan.
words: 2,447 | rating: G
hinatas time 2 be romantic and fail but its ok bc!!!!!!!!!! :-) they are just dummies in love<3
the greatest distance between you and longing is defeat
(In other words: Atsumu, let go. I’m here now.)
words: 3,310 | rating: G
um... *cries* post break up.... o_o!!!! god they really thought they could????? lmao!!!!!!
the tear in this (our gentle language)
“I’m going back to Brazil.”
He isn’t asking for permission. This isn’t a consultation. Hinata Shouyou informs his boyfriend at their after-practice practice. Miya Atsumu has a volleyball in each arm, trying to pick up a third. It drops and rolls away from him. The thud resounding in an empty gymnasium.
Shouyou had tried to envision Atsumu’s reaction many times. He never expected to be met with silence.
Alternatively: an exploration of Hinata Shouyou’s return to Brazil
words: 7,204 | rating: M
ldr CAN be romantic ok!!!!!!!! it takes a lot of communication, time, and love ; ;
evening sun
Atsumu looks at Shouyou and thinks, I want to know every inch of you.
words: 1,502 rating: M
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kaguraspetsims · 4 years ago
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Alright it’s story time!! I’m going to put this under a read more since it is both long and unrelated to FR!!
ALRIGHT so, I don’t know how many of you know/recall my situation so I’ll give like a short background.
My dad is emotionally abusive. He has been this way for the 25 years I have been alive and walking this earth. He is controlling, manipulative, and terrible.
Last year I started working at GameStop. I made very good friends while I was there. My former boss, after learning about my dad and his awful behavior, offered to let me and my dog move in with her and her two dogs. Over the year I worked at GS, I had been moving things into her home with the expectation I was finally going to get out. I was so very happy that she was so incredibly understanding of my situation.
Skip to February. (This is where things start to get a little more complicated btw.) I meet a very very kind dude. He came into the store, I mistook him for one of my coworkers. He stayed in our store for 4 hours! I later learned that night after we closed (from the very coworker I mistook him for lol) that when I had left the room during his visit, he had asked my coworker if I was single.
He was super nice, so I thought “eh, why not exchange numbers next time he’s in?”
So I did. We talked for about a week.
On February 25th, this amazing dude asked me out! (For the record, I totally accepted <3)
That same day, though, I learned that my store was closing.
A week or so after learning of the store closure and preparing said store for closing sales, I learned that BOTH of my bosses had fevers. (This is around the time that the pandemic was starting to finally be taken seriously, but not very many symptoms were well known.)
I go home and let it slip that they had fevers.
My dad fucking throws a fit. He tells me I am no longer allowed to work there. If I tried to go, he’d take the car from me (the car I assumed was in his name). If I still refused to stay home, he’d call the cops on me.
Keep in mind, he’s fuckign screaming this. Like, legitimately screaming. My mom tells him to back the fuck off, and he starts screaming at her too. My brother comes up from the basement to tell him to chill the fuck out. Can you guess what happened next? Yep, he screamed at my brother too.
So this is happening, I’ve been told I’m not allowed to leave the room. So I break down.I absolutely lose my shit. Not only am I sobbing, I am screaming back for everyone to stop. I have frozen up into a literal ball.
My mom takes me upstairs, where I let everything out and call my boss (the one who had said I could move in with her). I tell her I can no longer come in, I explain the threats he’s made and the situation I was just put in.
I’m met with basically total silence. The only things I hear are “I just don’t know what to say” in an obviously irritated tone.
After apologizing profusely, I finally hang up and break down again. Not even 5 minutes later, she begins to text me. When I explain I cannot make it in because of the threats, I receive this:
“Thanks for making a shitty situation even worse.”
By the time I’ve gotten this, it’s 2 in the morning.
I’ve been keeping my sissy and my boyfriend in the loop about it all. I discord call my boyfriend, who (through irritated cursing at my boss) asks if he can some get me.
I accept his offer, and I stay at his apartment for 2 days straight.
The day after this all goes down, I start receiving calls from the regional manager, who tells me that he needs my keys for the store because no one is available to open it.
My boss was sick. The assistant manager was sick.
They were told to quarantine.
I was literally the only other person who was able to open the store.
So the regional comes and gets my keys after I explain to him (vaguely) what had been happening in the past 7 hours.
While staying at my boyfriend’s apartment, I talked to his sister-in-law about the whole issue with my dad and boss.  Turns out, her mother was very very much like my father.
When I finally left on the second day, she told my boyfriend that, if I so desired, I would be more than welcome to live with them. He immediately told me about this, and I decided I would accept it.
Told my dad I was going to live with him because I couldn’t stand the screaming fits anymore. He took it way better than I had expected, although he did the whole “I’m sorry you feel that way” bullshit.
The next day I took some clothes, my switch, and my iPad and started living with my boyfriend, his brother, and his sister-in-law.
And honestly? My mental health within the past 3 months has absolutely skyrocketed!! I have been so much happier, I’ve been told I don’t apologize as much, and I’ve just really been able to come out of my shell!
We will (hopefully) finally be going to my former boss’s home tomorrow to pick up the things I had brought to her place over the past year. Aside from trying to plan days during which I could get my stuff, she has refused to speak with me.
But other than that, I can’t say very many negative things about the past few months. Even with the quarantine, my new job has been considered “essential,” so I’ve been able to keep busy. My boyfriend has been one of the single most encouraging people in my life in just these short 3 months that I’ve known him. I’ll brag more about him in another post though ;)
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ionlycareaboutyou · 5 years ago
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2019 fic writing roundup!
thank you to @quinnmorgendorffer for tagging me!!!
Total 2019 Word Count:  172,106 (a lot of this is probably “Meet the Parents”) Total 2019 Hits: 21,055 Other 2019 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 2013; Comment threads: 190; Bookmarks: 387; Subscriptions: 86.
Total 2018 Word Count: 21,840 Total 2018 Hits: 5,899 Other 2018 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 567; Comment threads: 71; Bookmarks: 70; Subscriptions: 22.
links and titles to 2019 works
for Arrested Development, in alphabetical order:
“it’s been ages since we were really honest” - a oneshot i wrote for the Netflix Originals Fic Exchange for dreamkist on ao3! it was my first time doing a fic exchange and i’m really glad i took that leap and did something like it, because it was a challenge in a fun way, and i really like how it turned out. it’s about gob and tony’s first times as a couple (not just their First Time because we all know about that), and i’m proud of it.
“I Want to Break Free” - my biggest solo project to date, my gob bluth figure skater AU. i’ve said so much about this fic and agonized about it and joked about it, and at the end of the day i am so proud of it, and i’m glad that i wrote it.
“Let’s Start the New Year Right” - blunder smut where they fuck on lucille’s bed, that’s the long and short of that.
“Meet the Parents” - co-written with @gobbluthbisexual. gob meets tony’s family and him and tony fuck a LOT. rebecca and i fell in love over the course of writing this summer 2018! 
“My Sweetheart When a Boy” - blunder victorian AU...currently unfinished. i had big ambitions for this fic and i really hope one day i gain the motivation to finish it.
“The Pianist and the Magician” - birthday fic for @quinnmorgendorffer, pianist!gob meets struggling magician!tony and they share a night together (not smutty despite the description lol). i’m soooo proud of this one, my goal was to make it very atmospheric, almost movie-like, and i think i achieved that, in a sense.
daria:
“you are the bearer of unconditional things” - short conversation between trent and daria i wrote when feeling introspective. 
IT:
“Everything He Needs” - my very first reddie fic, written shortly after seeing chapter 2 and having my heart ripped out, lmao. it’s a stereotypical fix-it where richie stays with eddie in the hospital as he recovers. i do really like how it turned out, though.
“New York’s Hottest Talk Show Guest: Richie Tozier” - this is a crossover fic with SNL, but i’m putting it here because richie and eddie are the main focus. basically, richie goes on late night with seth meyers, brings eddie along, and they meet seth and his husband, stefon as well. it’s very silly and self indulgent, but was inspired by ADORABLE fanart which i adored.
“Want You in my Room” - richie and eddie have morning sex, nothing more, nothing less.
“who’s gonna drive you home tonight” - cowritten with my friend robin. eddie had a “fuck you mom!” phase once he got out of derry and that resulted in him getting a motorcycle and a few tattoos. he comes back to derry and him and richie meet. this is currently unfinished, but i hope we can finish it in 2020!
SNL:
“'cause living like this is risking all that i know, and if it kills me, that's how i wanna go” - seth meyers/stefon 5+1 times fic. i love how this turned out and all the love that it received was totally unexpected.
Favorite Fic: honestly not sure. i’m going to go with “‘cause living like this...” because it was probably the most fun to write, and i’m really glad that i stopped being too embarrassed to share all my sethon thoughts with others, because i got so many nice comments. “everything he needs” is probably a close runner up, though.
Hardest Fic: hoooooo....probably “i want to break free” because i’ve always been hesitant to do multichapters because i’ve abandoned them before, but i needed to finish that one (and i did!). also, even though i’m a huge figure skating fan, that fic required a lot of research on the scoring system and rules of the sport during the time that i set the fic in.
Do You Plan to Take Prompts in 2020?: i really want to!! i love taking prompts, even if i don’t always fulfill them (SORRY!)
What was the best thing about 2019?: writing for new fandoms like IT and SNL!!!! holy shit, i did NOT expect to be completely consumed by the Clown Movie this year, but i definitely was, and now reddie is one of my favorite pairings i’ve ever been invested in. because of that, i read sooo much good reddie fic, i seriously cannot overstate how amazing the writers for reddie are.
What was the worst thing about 2019?: the writer’s block that went through this winter, ugh
Any last thoughts for 2019?: this was my best year for fic writing by far, and i’m so thankful for all the suppor i’ve received
Goals for 2020
reddie old hollywood au is first and foremost my priority, since it’s my bigbang project
write more fics for my friends (i NEED to write a quinn/jane thing for alex i just MUST)
finish my fic with robin
i tag anyone who wants to do this!
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lairofsentinel · 5 years ago
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I’ve finished this terrible game called Greed_fall. Really...
Spoilers ahead, and really a big amount of “negativity” [aka criticism] about this game.
I can’t believe it’s the same company that did The Technomancer. I mean, sure, no game is perfect. But, to begin with, this one is sold as RPG when you have no fucking way to decide if you want to massacre natives or colonialists, or like, for example, spit and punch the man who never told you that you were a kidnapped child of natives that European colonialists took and raised as their own.  That’s a terrible wound in History. It even had contemporaneous versions not long ago [for example, the Condor plan], and this game did not even give you the option to punch the man or simply not forgive him?. Because without being able to choose anything, your char not only is not angry with that fucker, but they THANK him for telling them the truth 25 years later. Ah. But the man “loved your mother”. A fucking asshole kept the identity of a native child for 25 years simply because... he loved her. Ugh. 
I'll try to be short, and concise. I truly don't want to waste more time in this fucked up game:
The Natives:
The first ones you meet during the first 10 hours are basically depicted as childish creatures that know nothing, and they need of the colonialists to “learn”. Somehow, that was getting a bit more complex along the game, and you see few tribes that are angry at the ravishing of their lands. But still yet, they are depicted as “too aggressive” most of the time. As if they had not enough causes to want to attack the colonialists.
Suddenly, by the second half of the game, the natives realise they have power and knowledge by their own which is even more valuable that all the bullshit that Europeans bring. So, they have this stupid revelation that they know a lot that colonialists don't. You feel the natives so vague and lack of self sense.
Some other natives seems to me like CEOs, that suddenly, are too worried about market and commerce with the colonialists. Like... seriously?. Capitalist Natives just right there, after 15 years of colonialism fucking their lands?? Meh.
As a personal opinion, I hate the repetition of the concept of natives as “tribes” that live in a “small rudimentary village”, in comparison with the complexity that “European architecture/society” shows. Like... they only keep using the concept of the most nomad natives, they don't fucking show a complex society with science and art development beyond the European, when you have a super close example with the Aztec Imperium. They had advanced and successful surgical interventions of the brain and deep understanding of Astronomy while Europe was dying because they didn't want to bath daily and kept burning their astronomers. But ok, that's my personal annoyance toward every game where natives are shown.
European architecture, is the only one.
This comes long the same mood that Spider showed with the natives: “I don't give a fuck”-mood. You have the Bridge Alliance, who are basically the “Muslims” in the old Europe, the ones with true knowledge and “turbans”. I was expecting to see “Muslim” architecture. You know, mosque-like? [I'm not even asking them to have extreme History accuracy, but hell, give me something that make me believe it's true that there are 2 factions here] But no. You see some fences and some random arithmetical design here and there, 3 big carpets in the palace, but the rest of the houses and the palace itself are all European-like. I mean... if you are doing a game which scenery is so elaborated, you can't be lazy about designing 3 types of architecture, since you are basing your fuckign game on Europeans, Muslims, and Natives. Natives have the most rudimentary design because “natives”. They are all about big houses with just a bonfire in the middle. Sure, I know, native groups in the old Europe and Britain used to have that kind of architecture. Celtic-like. I'm complaining because I would like to see, for once in my life, a native culture which is shown as an imperium. But whatever. The Muslim architecture is such a lazy development here.
Petrus:
This is probably the highest point of fuckery. The man [a religious one] “took care” of the main character's mother, a kidnapped pregnant woman, because “she was the only woman he loved” [this game is ALWAYS about the colonialists and their feelings and their problems. European problems= MAIN quest, native problems= side quests]. Her husband was killed trying to rescue her [aka colonialists killed him], and she was sent to the continent, because she was... “marvellous” [this game has the most sickly arguments I've seen in a long while]. She gave birth to the protagonist of the game in one of the Naut's ships. She remained in captivity, and asked Petrus [ the man who was supposed to love her] to kill her, because she could not resist that life. He didn't do it, because “love”. And now, the whole quest is about how guilty Petrus is about that, and about the slight tiny detail of having kept secret that the protagonist's origin is native.
And as if all this was not sufficient, this “RPG” game doesn't allow you to NOT forgive him, to spit him, to do something out of anger. No. The whole quest continues with the protagonist thanking Petrus for “telling him the truth 25 years later”. This is terrible. The problem here is not Petrus being an asshole, is the game giving you no options to have another reaction but thanking him.
Romance:
Yeah, yeah, we have crappy romances. For a game which claimed to be based on DAO, didn't learn a shit about development of chars and their relationship with the protagonist. You have 5 characters that interact very little with the protagonist or among them [banter? What's that?. DOS2 has no banter, but at least you have a lot of personal conversation with the chars, and they intervene in the quests and give their opinions], and the peak of laziness was when I saw the “romantic” scene of all of them. ALL, ALL romantic scene are a copy-paste of the ones in Technomancer. The worst is Vasco/Siora. They are in the place of Andrew, from Technomancer. They did not even change the angle of the camera. I dislike this so much because that scene was meant to be related to Andrew. The man had a prosthetic arm, so that's why the main char looks at his hand, as a gesture of acceptance. In Vasco/Siora's case is so out of sense. Looking at that hand like “did you wash them? I don't want fish/soil in my thingie”.
And again... beyond the stupid romance, the development of relationships is so weak. I would not complain if they were not claiming they based this game in DAO. Lol. You can't even speak about the main quests with them. They have nothing to say. Nothing.
Pace:
This is probably a result of the whole mess of the many irritating things I've been seeing in the game, but it was incredible boring and slow. The dialogues are wrongly done. Every time you meet a new char, the protagonist explains everything. Again. It's not needed. The player already knows that, since you repeated that 53 times!.
The endings And the endings... hell. I can’t even know where to start. Basically... you can destroy the whole natives and the isle included, just because you want to save your cousin—son of an European colonialist, with a lot of daddy issues—. Again, the whole game is highly focused on European pain and feelings. It seems we should feel pity for his useless ass, and understand him when he decided he wants to be a new god, consume the native god, and decide “what’s better for the rest of the world”. Most colonialist ending you can't have.
Thankfully, our fave “RPG” game gives us a loooot of options to end the game: 2. Kill him or join him.
If you kill him, you have four “branches” of endings. In two, you are trying to find “balance” between colonialist and natives, and one ending about natives tired as fuck of the European shit repel the colonialists from their isle and let them fuck off with the Malinchor, since the only thing they can do is drain and consume everything.
Of course, this ending is “bad” too. You can't let the native decide by themselves. That's “bad”.
In fact, to end the game, you need to meddle in native politics. Like, you have to choose who will be High King of the natives. Look at that!. Your parents must be native, but you were raised as another colonist.... who has the power to intervene in native decision. The imbalance of power and fuckery here is... big. And I'm not counting on all the killing and destruction of native “sacred” places you had to do to reach this [the amount of guardians killed without other option to evade them annoyed me as hell, what kind of balance you speak of if you destroy everything at your wake?].
The “better” world ending, is a world of “balance”, in which colonialist and natives “learn from each other”. Which seems more or less ok... but again, colonialists owning their own shit? Never. And again... why our protagonist should speak about balance when they did disasters to reach the end of the game?. 
This is a game where you truly can play and let free your “white saviour complex”, because you can tell me all what you want about the protagonist being a “native”, but they only knows about that by the end of the game... their mind and behaviour and purposes has always been super colonialists, without chances to choose to fuck off Theleme and all the other factions out of rage. This is the most gratuitous plot you get from Spider to “cover” their asses about any critic of “but a colonialist had been deciding over natives all the fucking game”. And you know what, you did. It doesn’t matter if the char has native parents. They are the embodiment of colonialism to the end of the game. 
The only “bad” ending in which Colonialists are repeled, you have to feel sorry, because “bad natives allowed the continent to be decimated by the Malinchor”. Sure, because colonialist presence in the Isle was not like a “Malinchor”?.Ugh. Honestly, super infuriating game. 
But, by far, the ending of the Cousin becoming, alongside with you, “new gods”, destroying the native root.... was so fucked up....but well, at least it's an option. Probably the only relevant option this “RPG” gave us.
I was so sick about all this game, that I just wanted to have an ending of becoming a Naut [after all, the protagonist is a sea-born] and go fuck the old world and these terrible depicted natives. Of course, this “wonderful RPG” never gives you a relevant option like that.
Less troublesome things: “open world” that  only allows paths.
This is something inherited by Technomancer. You waste HOURS running from a point to another because this apparent “open world”, is  just a bunch of mazes/tunnels, and you can't jump or descend by places that look like accessible just because they decided their “RPG open world” has to be a lineal game with a clear path to follow. The teleportation points are not enough, since you always need to run minutes and minutes to reach ones of these. This is of big importance since the game is full of stupid Quests of “go speak with A, bring me their answers. Go back again, etc, etc”. This had been a big criticism in Technomancer. They did not learn about it.
Less troublesome things: combat
Another issue inherited by Technomancer. It's quite common to get stuck in some texture in middle of a big boss, or the dodge has a weird lag, or chars are too slow in general. This exact problem was a big issue during the first encounter of Technomancer, turning it into a nightmare. It keeps being the same more or less.
Honestly, this game has several levels of wrongness in terms of plot [I dont even care about the bugs, about the waste of time running, or the stupid quests of being a silly errand boy, or the combat—though, more often than not it enrages you--. But the plot was a big pain. Like... really... guys, you did Technomancer! Bound by Flame, Of Orc and men, Styx, even Grey Matter [I didn’t play it, but I was told it was interesting and with a lot of progressive stuff]... what the fuck happened here?. Sure, none of all those games are spotless, but at least they felt more RPG than this one!. You could be a bit asshole, a diplomat, or an evil char.  
I think they put all their resources in scenery in Greedfall. Because, yeah, it’s beautiful. Probably the only good thing in this game [even though it has this shit about paths that make you waste a lot of time].
A lot of people also highlight about the presence of poc chars everywhere. I didn’t notice this “everywhere”. You have white natives and black people among the colonialists, true. Which seems a bit ok, but to me it felts as the free pass for Spider to do all the fuckery in the game XD “hey, we all have colonialist mindsets, but hey... black people fucking native ones! no side is right! yay, we are mind-blowing you! XD”. 
Probably I have to mention that one of the few things that are good in the game is Aphra. Because you never see black/brown scholars in games, and she gave me, for few seconds, some relief of all this mess in this game.  However, the way she forces others to teach her... is quite questionable. As I said before, “yay, black people on the colonialist side, they can fuck natives like History white people did! We are progressive! this game is so gray-mind-blowing :D yay”.
Truth be told, not a recommendable game. If you want a more decent RPG compared with this one, of the same company, go get Technomancer.
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lost-incident-kid · 5 years ago
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Happy Birthday Miyu Sugisaki (for tommorow) might do some art for her idk
———
Edit: ah heck! Ive had this queued for months, but i forgot to actually do the art haha, i’ll get something done overnight so it might be rushed and look like trash, it might look reasonably ok. Who knows at this point. I dont trust the sleepy version of myself to create anything good but hey, theyv created some stuff that wasn’t horrifying before :/
Ok, starting here i legit just start live-blogging myself staying up alnight drawing. Ignore me. I didnt know where else to say it. I’ll delete it later.
Edit 2: this isnt gonna be done. Like frick, i just spent 6 hours on miyu’s fricking hairstyle, thats all done and even shaded and looking fabulous but ive only got a rough lineart for litterally everything else. This might not be done, but if it is then her hair is gonna be a fuckign masterpiece (i hope). Im writing this edit at 1:42am, and im gonna go to bed somewhere between 4 and 5, lets go! Hell yeah! I might do this! Perhaps! Im gonna try! 3-4 sprint time! Yeah!
Edit 3: frick, im failing to do this, miserably. Its 3:03am and i got distracted playing mobile games and didn’t get anything done. My existence is futile, existentially im a waste and I should not exist. The atoms within me deserve to be part of something better. Sorry. I’m a f*ck up and unless I get my sh*t together in the next like 5 mins (unlikely) then this aint gonna be finished.
Edit 4: ok, meltdown like 20% over. Its 3:52am, I think the issue then was the face. Faces r hard bruh, they suck do draw. They a festive lil ho ho ho. I was drawing everything too high up on the face cuz my dumb *ss forgot to draw the line thingys on the face or even look at a reference image for proportions. Ive done it now amd life is now a bit more on track. Might get this done if I continue work in the morning.
Edit 4.5: nothin much (hence the .5), its 4:14am, just downed 4 cups o tea for caffeine and sugar (all the coffee we got is decaf lol). I’m gonna get this sh*t done! Ive litterally only coloured down to the face, neck and the hair but still.... I’m gonna get it done anyway! I dont care about going to bed between 4-5 anymore! I’m getting this done!
Edit 5: its less than ten mins later (4:22am) and im taking a quick 20m break to watch youtube while I wait for the caffeine to kick in because im too braindead to continue right now. Like what art style am i even trying? Idk... its really fricking complex tho. Lowkey pretty tho, like if i finish this im gonna be so proud of it like it looks great. But its taking forever and im need break.
Edit 6: ok we back. Its 4:41am, caffeine has not really kicked in but i cant permit myself any more time anyway. Back to drawning.
Edit 7: holy frick, new episode of the vrains dub came out. Man... im leaving vrains fanart to watch the vrains dub. Am I obsessed? Is this hyperfixation? Probably? Either way, its 4:50am and im going to go watch the new episode. I’ll come back to this when im done.
Edit 8: HOLY FRICK GUYS! THE DRAWING APP IM USING KEEPS CRASHING AND SAYS ITS STILL THERE BUT WONT LET ME CONTINUE AND KICKING ME OFF THE APP?!?! ITS 5:06AM AND THE PANIC ATTAC IS BACC! The new episode of the dub isnt completely out yet, im watching that version on yt where its just smol clips of it. Not all the clips r up yet. I was just going on it while waiting for the next clips to go up and thats when the app did the thing and life got 280% sucky-er.
Edit: 8.5 wahoot it stopped kicking me off the app and it let me continue. Its 5:12am and we are FINALLY continuing.
Edit 9: its 5:36 Im tired sleep time I’ll finis thos in the morning goodbye yall have a greatt day
Edit 10: ok, so im a failure. We live in the timeline that god abandoned. I cannot sleep. I shall get more cups of tea, watch yt until the caffeine actually kicks in, and then continue. Its 6:03 right now, I shall be back. Perhaps half an hour?
Edit 10.5: its 6:11am. Not much has happened, just a slight change of plans. Ik its irrelevant but im liveblogging so i gotta say, my eye hurts so im gonna stop looking at screens. Perhaps gonna try to sleep again, if not then i’ll put read a book, redo my makeup (it smudgey) or straight up just listen to music and stare into the void. Litterally anything other than look at my laptop/phone. Peace out homies, i’ll be back at some point before 7 probably (unless i do go to sleep).
Edit 11: Its 6:41am, my eye hurts. Ive been staring into the darkness and listening to various fallout boy songs. Now i feel edgy. Its been half an hour, so im gonna continue drawing. Caffeine and sugar has worn off again so im tired and unmotivated but yno what, it is what it is. Aint life nifty, i gotta get this done.
Edit 12: 6:52 everything burns im in pain my eye is on frickign fire and it looks bloodshot but now also weird azz headache that i never got one like this before so im gonna turn off all lights cuz that seems to make it marginally better am i dying probably idk either way im not gonna continue for multiple hours it is stare into the void time and stare into the void time alone ok this should be the last update
Edit 13: It is 3:16pm, didn’t continue liveblogging cuz i got one heck of a migrane. Im back and well... Happy birthday Miyu for today! I’m still gonna try to get this god forsaken art done, but holy shit what is that art style i did. Its genuinely nothing like anything ive done before, I don’t remember doing any of the colouring but apparently I did and it looks better than anything ive done before and idk if non-fricked up me can replicate it. I’m starting to wonder if i got bored and just copied it or something, like idk how i did it. Look at it
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The grey is the lineart I remember doing but man tHE FRICKIGN HAIR like i couldnt have created that, could I? I can see why it was taking so long yesterday like holy shit man that stuff takes time yno
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convenientalias · 5 years ago
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For the crossover ask meme: Marco Polo and Swordspoint (because they both need more love)
A crossover ship I’d dig: Oh dear, I’d ship Richard St. Vier with so many people.
So, first of all, I think I’d probably ship him with Khutulun bc they’re both fighters and he might even be able to beat Khutulun (though I’m not sure of that). I don’t know if Khutulun would approve of his profession because I think the twisted Swordspoint rules of dueling would probably piss her off (they’re kind of shady) but she’d definitely be impressed by his skills. And I just think they might easily hook up. (And of course keep their relationship or affair secret forever.)
Then I’d also ship him with Mei Lin. Somehow they’d both get pulled into the same plot and they’d both be really frustrated with the political scheming they’d been pulled into. Then... I can picture them getting together in a variety of ways. Some rich patron who Mei Lin is currently working for (?) tells her to service St. Vier as a reward for him (which he’d probably be pretty eh about), and they end up getting together after this with mutual animosity towards her current patron, whom they may or may not end up killing. Or, Mei Lin gets sent to kill St. Vier to get him out of the way, but he ends up beating her or she ends up deciding not to kill him at the last moment, and she tells him who sent her--and again, they end up teaming against the guy she’s working for. I just see this being a ship with politics and murder ya know.
I’d also ship St. Vier with Marco Polo. Marco has finally run away from Kublai’s court! He’s now kind of a stray on the run, and somehow ends up in Riverside, an odd corner of the Khan’s empire. St. Vier ends up taking him in much like he took in Alec, though Marco is somewhat less of a wild card and at the same time somewhat more restless and likely to leave to go on the run again. Anyways they carry on with an affair for a while until Marco hears about some major political event and decides he must return to Kublai. This is probably a bad idea bc you don’t just run away from an emperor and then return with no consequences, but St. Vier isn’t a guy to stop his lover from making their own decisions, and he lets Marco return, though not without some regrets.
I would also ship St. Vier with Jingim. They meet at court (I guess in this AU, Cambulac has the same weird dueling laws as the city in Swordspoint) and Jingim respects his swordsfighting skills but has little interest in him bc they’re just not on the same social stratum. Then one day St. Vier gets hired to fight Jingim. I can’t picture him doing this of his own accord (he knows better than to challenge the Khan’s son and heir) so he’s probably been blackmailed somehow, as in the Alec getting kidnapped situation. A very fierce duel follows, and somehow both survive, but just barely. Later on... they hook up?? Idk I just want this to happen.
The pattern here is that I want all my faves to hook up with St. Vier basically lols.
More below the cut!
A crossover BroTP I’d dig: Oh dear, I used up a lot of combinations in the ship section. Well, any of the above I’d enjoy as BroTPs as well as OTPs. But also, consider: Vincent Applethorpe & Hundred Eyes.
Hundred Eyes does not consider the modern conventions of dueling as honorable-- he does not approve of the customs current in Cambulac. However, he is incredibly good at both martial arts and swordsfighting, and back in the day he was renowned among duelers. Of course, since he works for Kublai (and before that, lived off in a lonely village doing his own thing), no professional duelist has tried to learn from him. But if only they could....
So Vincent Applethorpe has heard of the legend, but he never thought he’d actually meet Hundred Eyes. Then one day, a strange young man comes to Applethorpe’s school--Marco Polo. Applethorpe doesn’t recognize him right away and begins to teach him, finding he does have the money to pay at least. It’s only weeks later that he finds out that Marco Polo is the Khan’s guest, when Hundred Eyes shows up at the school to scold Marco for coming to learn from someone other than him. Marco insists that he wasn’t learning well from Hundred Eyes, wasn’t learning fast enough--and Hundred Eyes is teaching him how to fight in self defense or in battle but not so much how to duel, and Marco is worried that someone might challenge him soon. He’s becoming rapidly involved in court politics, and he’s seen how that ends for some people.
Anyways Hundred Eyes reads Marco the riot act, but he’s actually somewhat impressed by Applethorpe. He and Applethorpe do a little sparring, and he reluctantly says that if Marco wants to learn from Applethorpe as well as Hundred Eyes that’s fine; only Hundred Eyes will sometimes come and sit in on their sessions. Applethorpe is completely over the moon at this bc again, Hundred Eyes is a fuckign LEGEND.
They become bros.
A crossover Frenemies I think would be inevitable: Ahmad and Alec.
No matter how I form this crossover, I can’t really picture Alec being a native noble in Cambulac; he’s too “Latin”. So in this AU, he’s sort of a traveling scholar. He’s known to be a noble from [insert country name here] and Kublai has invited him to stay in Cambulac. “Invited” him in more or less the same way he “invited” Marco. Alec’s stuck in Cambulac and can’t leave, and he’s kind of grumpy about it, and he’s still a rude, capricious wild card. No one has any idea why Kublai keeps him around and hasn’t yet executed him for his presumption. Especially not Ahmad. (And also Jingim but I’ll get there later.)
Ahmad and Alec have a tendency to make catty comments at each other and they probably shouldn’t be left in the same room. However, they also for some reason enjoy each other’s company. They like playing games together and sharing rumors they’ve heard (though always keeping their own secrets), recognize that they are both kind of treacherous, and generally have a lot of fun. I feel like at some point they may have a threesome with Mei Lin, or just hook up. (....somehow I’ve continued to just keep on shipping things.) Also, Ahmad kind of empathizes with Alec as another of the Khan’s strays--more than he empathizes with Marco in the show, bc while Alec is whiny he’s also just really fun, and also isn’t directly getting in the way of Ahmad’s plans bc he’s not really politically involved, he’s just There.
A crossover badass duo I think would be inevitable: See the shipping section.
Lols but really, can you even picture St. Vier and Mei Lin taking down one of Mei Lin’s patrons (possibly Ahmad? or Jia Sidao?), or. Oh my God. What if. The reason St. Vier challenged Jingim is because Ahmad had kidnapped Alec--Ahmad had ample opportunity for this bc see above, he and Alec are best frenemies. Don’t ask why Ahmad wanted to get Jingim murdered; he had his reasons. Now St. Vier and Jingim must take on Ahmad together, but Ahmad isn’t such a fool as to let Alec go after the duel failed to kill either of them, so the situation is very tricky.
This is an imperfect scenario, however, bc it’s very straightforward for Ahmad. If not Ahmad, maybe the kidnapper was Kaidu? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
A crossover animosity I think would be inevitable: ALEC AND JINGIM.
Why do Alec and Jingim hate each other? Let me count the ways.
First of all, Jingim dislikes that his father keeps on getting new favorites rather than focusing on him. And what did Alec do to deserve his current status as honored guest in Cambulac? Literally nothing! I mean, maybe he’s a decent scholar, but he’s not THAT amazing. In fact, I bet he was rude to Kublai when they first met in hopes that Kublai would kill him. (Unfortunately, Kublai had already heard about Alec and knew he was suicidal, and so could see through this motivation easily, and has been refusing to kill him partly bc he doesn’t like being manipulated into these things.) Jingim just does not understand why Kublai grants Alec so much leeway and spends so much time with him when Alec is a complete bitch!
And then there’s the fact that Alec is also friends with Ahmad. Jingim has always wanted to be closer to his two brothers, but with Ahmad... it’s like there’s a wall there. Sometimes he feels like they’re close, and sometimes he feels like they’re far apart, despite being raised together. Yet even when Alec and Ahmad fight, they clearly get each other in ways that Jingim does not understand.
Why does Alec hate Jingim? Partly just bc he’s the son of the guy who’s holding prisoner (excuse me, guest) in Cambulac. Partly bc he’s kind of stiff and formal, and has been pissed at Alec’s rudeness since Day One. And partly bc St. Vier is into Jingim and Alec knows it. Idk if they’ve hooked up yet or not (I’m really unsure on the chronology of all these ships) but at the very least, St. Vier always has positive things to say about Jingim and is oddly deferential towards him, more than he tends to be towards a noble. Alec is completely certain that if Jingim took up with St. Vier, St. Vier would drop Alec in a heartbeat. Bc Jingim is better than Alec. He’s a noble who actually does his job, he’s incredibly good looking, and he doesn’t get into all the trouble that Alec does. So Alec’s kind of paranoid about that. Even if it doesn’t seem likely that Jingim WILL start an affair with St. Vier anytime soon (Jingim has his wives, and he’s only somewhat interested in St. Vier, and St. Vier is a little wary of starting an affair with the Khan’s son), it doesn’t matter. As long as Alec knows (or thinks he knows) that St. Vier would prefer to be with Jingim over Alec, he will always hate Jingim.
So. Jingim and Alec hate each other. And yet the sexual tension there is very strong.
Anyways. I didn’t think I’d have this many feelings on this crossover but I’m into it! Thanks for the ask.
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maptoourescape · 5 years ago
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Hi. :) Just one thing regarding Tom and Heidi. Please, tell me we agree that Tom missing out on Bill's 1st fashion show was massive wrong, and that unless he'd be working or sick, there would be really no other reason for him to miss it? Nothing bothers me more than thinking that if it wasn't Heidi, Tom would be there. I'm so mad at this and getting really tired of. :(
Anon, you are definitely not alone when it comes to this. We do, in fact, agree. Even if Tom had potential work to do - I’m pretty sure it could all be postponed to a later date. But it wasn’t work that dragged him away from Berlin now, was it? We all know what (or well, who) it was.
Only two years ago - unless he was really, really sick or something - there’s no way he’d be missing out on this occasion. This has been Bill’s lifelong dream. Tom is his best friend. Imagine not having your best friend by your side when it comes to such a big milestone? And Tom is just so much fucking more than just a best friend.
It is exactly how you’ve put it. Were it not for Klum, things would remain at a peaceful status quo. As it is though, we have anything but. I’m so done with people screaming “buT TheY ArE noT ConjOinEd TwiNs”. Bitches be missing the point. The two of them can lead their lives on their own accord just alright, everyone knows they don’t have to spend their every living, breathing moment with each other. But this is about milestones. It’s about sharing a very meaningful experience. This means a shit ton to Bill, and Tom knows it. Or well, he should know it.
It’s disgusting to know that the reason behind this character regression in Tom is none other than Klum and Klum alone. Without Klum, Tom would be there, supporting Bill, sharing Bill’s euphoria with him. EVEN A YEAR AGO, there is NO WAY Tom would be missing out on something like this. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS, IT’S LITERALLY UNDENIABLE. So why is it so hard admitting it’s true that he’s a changed person. Why are people so eager to find excuses for it?
“But Bill was so happy anyway, he didn’t seem bothered Tom wasn’t there!” – Yes he was – and thank fuck that no one took that experience from him. But you bet your ass he’d love for Tom to be there, one way or another – that much is undeniable. I dare anyone to find my fuckign address, look me in the fucking eyes, and tell me otherwise and mean it.
“But maybe Tom had plans, tickets booked etc.!” – He ain’t exactly the poorest person in the universe. If he wanted, he would have made time. If he wanted, he would have rescheduled anything and everything. Even if it came to buying new plane tickets if he already had his. Even if it meant traveling to the other side of the world. The Tom we all know and love would do that.
“Ha! Tom is not even with Heidi in Tokyo! And stupid people keep thinking it’s all her fault…” – Well guess what – it is her fault, for she is emotionally manipulating him into being a completely different person. But it’s also his fault for letting this happen. Sure enough he’s a victim of circumstance, and of course we should not blame victims for doing things that are out of their realm of understanding. But with me personally, there’s only that much victimhood I condone before it turns into a complete shit show of moronic clownery.Now try guessing really quick if Tom already reached that point in my opinion or not lol.
I don’t care if he’s not with her in Tokyo. Honestly, kinda I wish he was. That way I could have at least had the mentality that “she dragged him along”. But she didn’t. And he still decided he’d rather fly back to LA alone instead of attending Bill’s long awaited event and then just fly home together with him.
I don’t care about the details. Unless someone’s wellbeing was at stake, unless Tom’s really sick or something, there is, in my eyes, literally no excuse for him to not be there. None. AT ALL.
But he seems pretty fine to me in that last snap Bill did in LA of them walking the dogs. So there’s that.
I’m tired as well. To the point where I’m not even bothering myself with updates and what not. I’m quietly lurking in other fandoms and waiting for this to just PASS. I don’t have energy to preoccupy myself with the toxicness of Klum’s sort. Nor do I have the energy to “defend poor misguided Tom” for reasons I already explained. No matter how you look at it, he didn’t show up at the show. In my eyes, he fucked up, and that’s that.
And the fact that this is coming from me (a person who’s been running a Tom Kaulitz RP blog for YEARS) should be enough to let you know how bizarrely done I am with the happenings. I’ve drawn the line. I’m sick and tired. And I want my band back. Because try as you may to convince me otherwise, the band as an entirety has not been the same ever since Klum joined the picture either. But that’s another topic.
I’m still lurking on this blog of course. But the more time passes by, the more I question its existence. What’s the point of RPing someone that doesn’t exist anymore anyway, you feel?
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