#this is so niche but its also a daily mood

[do-rey-me]

unstoppable force (need to move around bc of ADHD) vs immovable object (cannot move bc of chronic pain)

[mushigima]

Ghost headcanons because I love me a mysterious masked man

König headcanons can be found here.

-> a very literal man. A lot of people around him might think he’s a mystery but they’re just blinded by the mask - if you actually interact with him on a daily basis you’ll quickly find out that he’s very straightforward and transparent at and off work.

-> also starting off strong with the fact that I believe he’s generally not a jealous person, not even in a relationship. I do think he has his insecurities and he def gets in his sappy moods once in a while but generally knows that yearning for things he has no influence on is very contra productive. Tries his best to always stay in the moment and to not get into his head too much (because he usually does).

-> But on the other hand I can see him being a tat…possessive... Being possessive doesn’t translate into him being very emotionally reactive about it tho. Makes sure that his fears of losing what’s ‘his’ stay fears and realizes them as purely imagined. Again, I think he knows very well that he’s an avoidant person. However, if he gets insecure and therefore struggles with possessiveness, it starts with a flicker and then a spark: usually hes good at catching it. It won’t start a fire within him. But if it does he’s getting into his head, being suspicious. Will translate into on and off behavior or him being more closed off at worst.

-> 100% clenches his jaws at night. Ghost is a certified neurotic, change my mind. Integrates specific rituals to sort out his mind in his routine if it’s possible (are all of these so called rituals healthy?? Not so much but as long as it keeps the thoughts into place he’s fine with it). Has tried out certain fidget toys like those small fidget cubes and has kept them near his bedside table or in his pockets from once in a while.

-> This one is a bit goofy but I can see him being the type to snore so loud the whole house will wake up when he’s drunk and passes out.

-> Also the type to push his body beyond belief and proves the hypothesis that under adrenaline humans are more capable of what we think of. Will rase the bar constantly and earns a lot of admiration for his dedication.

-> Actually really enjoys reading. Mystery, thriller, but also folklore and philosophy books. Could also listen to a few ‘work and grind’ podcasts or audiobooks when he feels his mental health and stress levels are kicking lmao but generally finds comfort in the dark and mysterious. Definitely has studied stoicism at one point in his life but knows that his temper gets the best of him.

-> Listens to ambience music and rain sounds, also uses them to help him fall asleep when insomnia is hitting hard.

-> If he ever catches genuine interest for something its becoming a niche/special interest he’ll be very particular about. Really enjoys learning and doing research until having a good grasp of the topic/skill. This might also be due to him being just a liiiiittle bit competitive.

-> That being said if he’s not doing his job he’s actually the curious type but is just very good at not acting out on impulses. If he feels save he would roam around a store for a while and look at every object, but the military (and life to an extent too) kinda excorcised the ‘child-like’ qualities out of him. If you’re lucky you see them possess this 6’4 man once in a while and he’ll be gone, lost in his thoughts thinking about this and that, observing nick-nacks like a crow that found a shiny silver spoon lol.

-> Deep, deep down is veeeery sentimental. Has no pictures in his apartment except for a box with a few pics of the boys and him underneath his bed. Reminds him of things he deems as important. Would keep one special item of yours at his place that he keeps looking at once in a while.

-> Don’t look at me but I believe this man has a wide knowledge of birds. Is very fond of them. A nerd and not ashamed of it (but no one really knows, except for soap maybe). Used to spend his time watching birds as a child, still enjoys looking at them when he’s out on a mission and has a bit of free time. Is actually comforted by their presence. He’s equally amused by their funny nature, impressed by their intelligence and also very emo about the fact that he was jealous of their ability to be free and go wherever when he was younger.

-> He’s a silent learner. Learns by observing. Especially people. He could notice that you might have some sort underlying communication issue that affects your dynamic and weeks later he comes back from the shadows and is actually tending towards your needs. Things just run smoother now and you wonder why. Will absolutely not change character and personality for you or bend himself in every direction to please someone, but is quiet aware of his own short comings. He also likes to solve problems before things escalate. He might also be a liiittle bit of a control freak.

-> That being said he is very stubborn if he wants to change and work on himself or not. If he’s comfortable sitting in his own misery because it hasn’t negatively effected his life so far why should he? His red flag is thinking that having intimate connections with people can exist without him getting changed by them in the slightest. Commitmophobe tendencies are triggered by the consequences of genuine intimacy.

-> he’s either a Capricorn, Sagittarius or Scorpio change my mind!!!!! (you can’t)

-> Yes, he is indeed a cuddly person!!! I will die on this hill, it only really shows when time and place is appropriate and he will be subtle about it but will start mewling when you hold him and stroke his back gently, intertwine your fingers and make sure to lock your legs around his!!!! Loves becoming a human pretzel with you when he has time to relax fully, but especially when you’re about to go to bed. He’s also a big fan of you laying on top of him, will start holding you or caressing you right away. He does it all the time, absentminded. Reads a book? One hand is in your hair, combing softly through it. You’re waiting in line at the grocery store?? At first you didn’t notice but his hand found yours and now his thumb is tracing circles on your hand. Def very subtle in public but enough to let you taste his sweet affection once in a while.

-> This one is one of my favs but he’s a dude that’s not getting embarrassed. Not only because most things are simply normal but because he doesn’t care. He has to make sure none of his team mates die at work you think he cares about dirty kitchen dishes?????? A pimple?????? A burp or fart?????? You must be joking if you’d think he’d waste his time thinking about these meaningless things when existential dread is all that fills up his mind.

-> Enjoys playing card games. It takes him a while to get warm but he is keen on winning. But almost always looses in the last round coming out second. Enjoys the fact that it’s a team activity the most.

[gadget-world]

Empowering Women: A Closer Look at Smart Watches for Women

The dawn of advanced technology has brought countless innovative devices, and smartwatches are not an exception. Designed not just to tell time but to serve a myriad of functions, smartwatches have evolved drastically over the years, encapsulating the needs of every user. Today, we zone in on the increasingly popular genre of technology – smart watches for women – a niche that blends fashion and function in a single package.

Understanding Smart Watches: Decoding the Basics

Before we delve into the specifics, let's take a brief look at what smartwatches are. A smartwatch is a wearable computing device that closely resembles a wristwatch or other time-keeping device. But there's more to it than meets the eye. It is, in fact, a technological powerhouse that can perform many features like fitness tracking, provide call and text notifications, play music, and so much more.

Why Smart Watches for Women?

In the age of convenience, the average woman desires a device that can balance her busy professional lifestyle while assisting in daily activities and wellness. The answer to this has come in the form of smartwatches. The market for smart watches for women has noticeably expanded, thanks to their versatile benefits that extend beyond sophisticated aesthetics.

Benefits of Using Smart Watches for Women

Health and Wellness Companion: Many smartwatches for women come with features like heart rate monitoring, sleep tracking, stress level meter, menstrual cycle tracking, and more. These are particularly useful in keeping tabs on health metrics and pushing towards wellness goals.

Time Efficiency: With notifications on your wrist, there's no need to constantly fish your phone out from your bag. It becomes easier and faster to keep up with calls, messages, and emails, thus saving precious time.

Stylish Accessory: Fashion doesn't have to compromise functionality. Many women's smartwatches today are beautifully designed to function as a chic accessory, matching with various outfit styles.

Safety Features: Some smartwatches have feature like GPS tracking, emergency SOS, or fall detection—crucial aspects for personal safety.

Top Smart Watches for Women

Apple Watch Series 6: Apple continues to dominate the smartwatch market with an impeccable blend of style and performance. Apart from the basics, it offers advanced health features like ECG and blood oxygen level monitoring.

Fitbit Versa 3: Perfect for fitness enthusiasts, the Versa 3 tracks workouts, heart rate, and sleep. It also supports voice controls and provides thoughtful insights about your health and wellness.

Garmin Vivoactive 4: This smartwatch is ideal for those juggling fitness and work. With more than 20 preloaded GPS and indoor sports apps and music playing capability, it's not about compromising anymore.

Fossil Gen 5 Julianna: The Gen 5 smartwatch seamlessly integrates elegance with technology. Aside from its health and fitness capabilities, its standout feature is its customizable watch face to suit every mood and style.

Smart watches for women are more than just an upgraded timepiece; they're a multi-functional tool that proves essential in today's fast-paced world. Not only do they provide convenience, but they are also health companions, fashionable add-ons, and anchors of safety. Therefore, embracing these statement devices is undoubtedly a wise move towards smart, efficient living. It's time to strap on a smartwatch and begin your journey towards a stylish, organized, and healthier life.

[nickyysharmi]

Unlocking Musical Diversity With Top Music Apps

Ever found yourself in need of the perfect musical backdrop for your ever-changing moods? Well, fear not! We're here with a guide to top music apps catering to every genre. Whether you're a pop enthusiast, a rock aficionado, or an indie scene explorer, these apps have got you covered. Join us on a journey through the enchanting realms of rhythm, beats, and melodies that promise to soothe your soul and make your ears dance with delight.

Amazon Music

Embarking on our melodic journey, Amazon Music stands as a treasure trove for enthusiasts. With an extensive library catering to diverse tastes, it seamlessly blends mainstream hits and niche tracks. Effortlessly navigate your preferred genres using the user-friendly interface, allowing personalized playlist curation. The 'Lyrics' feature enriches the experience for avid singers. Moreover, Amazon Music flaunts a colossal catalog, boasting 100 million songs, offering exclusive content, unlimited offline downloads, community playlist creation, ad-free music, and unlimited skips. In the realm of music, it's not just an app; it's a paradise for music lovers! Don't miss out on its prowess as one of the best lyrics apps in the digital soundscape.

Also Read: Make Your Commute Fun with These Music Apps

YouTube Music

For those who revel in the visual symphony of music as much as the audio, YouTube Music emerges as the ultimate go-to app. Seamlessly intertwining music videos with your personalized playlists, it introduces a dynamic dimension to your auditory journey. The 'Explore' feature stands out, acting as a guiding compass in the vast musical landscape, unearthing tracks aligned with your unique preferences. Whether you're drawn to the pulsating beats of the latest chart-toppers or the hidden gems of obscure indie releases, YouTube Music ensures that you remain harmoniously connected to the diverse and ever-evolving world of music.

Apple Music

Dive into the personalized world of Apple Music, where your musical journey is meticulously tailored. The 'For You' section crafts playlists and suggestions based on your evolving listening history, turning each session into a delightful surprise. Apple Music's radio feature serves as a portal to discover new artists and genres, ensuring constant expansion of your musical horizons. Here, your music isn't just heard; it's intimately understood and passionately embraced, creating an epitome of personalized musical indulgence.

Gaana

For those who can't resist the allure of Bollywood beats, Gaana is a musical paradise. Boasting an extensive collection of Hindi songs, this app caters not only to Bollywood enthusiasts but also to those who appreciate regional and international music. The 'Mood' section lets you pick playlists that match your current vibe, whether you're feeling romantic, energetic, or just want to unwind. Gaana ensures that the rhythm of your day syncs perfectly with your musical choices.

Also Read: Find Your Next Favorite Podcasts With These Apps

Wynk

Wynk, the music app by Airtel, is a hidden gem that deserves the spotlight. With a user-friendly interface and a diverse library, Wynk caters to a broad spectrum of musical tastes. The app's 'Hello Tunes' feature allows you to set your favorite song as your caller tune, adding a touch of personalization to your phone calls. Whether you're a fan of trending tracks or timeless classics, Wynk ensures that your musical journey is nothing short of delightful.

Also Read: Discover Fresh Music Daily With These Apps

Conclusion

So there you have it – a roundup of some of the finest music apps that will make your auditory adventure worthwhile. Whether you're strolling through the city, hitting the gym, or simply unwinding at home, these apps similar to Spotify offer a symphony of options for every mood and moment. With Amazon Music, YouTube Music, Apple Music, Gaana, and Wynk at your fingertips, your musical voyage is bound to be as diverse and exciting as the ever-evolving world of sound. Happy listening!

[fuentessaige]

Unveiling Comfort and Style: The Moxsocks Tube Socks Revolution

Socks, the underrated heroes of our daily attire, play a crucial role in our comfort and style. Amidst the countless options available, one brand stands out in redefining the game – Moxsocks. Specifically, their iconic tube socks have created a buzz, revolutionizing the very essence of comfort and fashion in the world of legwear.

The Rise of Moxsocks:

Moxsocks, a trailblazing brand in the fashion industry, has carved a niche for itself with its unique approach to sock design. Renowned for its commitment to quality and innovation, Moxsocks has sparked a revolution in the realm of tube socks. These aren't just your average, run-of-the-mill socks; they're a statement, a symbol of comfort, and an epitome of style.

The Unparalleled Comfort:

What sets Moxsocks' tube socks apart is their exceptional comfort. Crafted from high-quality materials, these socks hug your feet and calves with a gentle yet firm embrace, providing support and coziness throughout the day. The breathability of the fabric ensures that your feet stay fresh and dry, even during extended wear. The seamless construction minimizes irritation, making them a go-to choice for those seeking comfort without compromising on style.

Versatile Style and Design:

Moxsocks' tube socks are not just about comfort; they're also a fashion statement. Available in an array of colors and patterns, they add a dash of personality to any outfit. Whether you're aiming for a bold, vibrant look or a more subtle, classic style, there's a Moxsocks tube sock to match every mood and occasion.

Their versatility extends beyond aesthetics. These socks aren’t limited to a particular demographic or purpose; they cater to diverse needs. Whether you're an athlete seeking performance socks or a fashion enthusiast looking to elevate your style game, Moxsocks' tube socks are designed to fit every need seamlessly.

Embracing Sustainability:

Moxsocks doesn’t just focus on comfort and style; they also prioritize sustainability. Using eco-friendly materials and production practices, Moxsocks is committed to reducing its environmental footprint. This commitment to sustainability adds an extra layer of value, making Moxsocks an ethical choice for the environmentally conscious consumer.

The Moxsocks Community:

Beyond the product itself, Moxsocks has fostered a vibrant community. Their engagement with customers through social media, events, and collaborations has created a sense of belonging for Moxsocks enthusiasts. From sharing style tips to highlighting customer experiences, Moxsocks has built a loyal following.

The Future of Tube Socks:

As fashion evolves, Moxsocks continues to push boundaries. The future of tube socks is not just about utility; it’s about making a statement, embracing individuality, and redefining comfort in style. With an eye on innovation and sustainability, Moxsocks is set to continue leading the way in the world of legwear.

In conclusion, Moxsocks' tube socks aren’t just a garment; they’re a symbol of comfort, style, and a sense of community. As they continue to innovate and inspire, Moxsocks has undoubtedly set a new standard, revolutionizing the way we perceive and wear our socks.

So, if you're looking to elevate your sock game, explore Moxsocks' tube socks. Embrace comfort, style, and join a community that celebrates individuality and innovation, one step at a time.

[sincerelylucy]

~*

APPEARANCE

o1) Describe your character’s current appearance: distinguishing features, clothing, ect. Lucy’s style of dress is ever-changing and heavily influenced by recent trends. Her wardrobe choices shift between colorful pieces with bold patterns and dark clothing with virtually no grey area between the two to reflect her daily mood. Her platinum hair and thin (malnourished) frame are her most distinguishable features. 

o2) Does your character have any noticeable scars? If so, what are their stories? She has a butterfly-shaped birthmark that generated buzz on an Instagram post in the spring; its whereabouts remain unknown. She also has a series of scars on her inner thighs from self-harm stemming from depression and suicidal ideation. Others include the infamous Sanctum branding at the nape of her neck, crescent shapes scarring the insides of her palms from her nails, and the initials 𝖑.𝖏. etched on her hip by her abductor younger self who had a crush on a classmate.

o3) What is your character’s scent? Her signature scent is a mixture of sugar-frosted berries, marshmallows, and vanilla with undertones of cashmere woods. In summary, she smells exactly how one would imagine, like candy. 

BELIEFS & MINDSET

o4) What would your character say their best trait would be? Her ability to see the best in others no matter what (conversely, this doubles as her greatest downfall).

o5) What is your character’s greatest achievement? Her greatest achievement is simply making it out of her hometown. 

o6) What makes your character feel safe? The night sky always provides her with a sense of comfort and safety. When not applicable, she will settle for leaning her head against a trusted friend’s shoulder and sharing headphones. 

o7) What is your character’s current goal summed up in one sentence? Her current goal is to find her niche in the real world aka stray further from social media to gain back some control over her life.

o8) What is your character’s biggest pet peeve? Her biggest pet peeve is untrimmed nails with foreign matter lodged beneath. She finds this absolutely disgusting and will think less of someone for it. This is trumped only by being late. 

o9) What is your character’s biggest flaw? Her greatest flaw is trying to accommodate everyone sacrificing her own happiness as a result.

1o) What is the biggest mistake your character has ever made? Her greatest mistake was choosing to pursue the social media element of her career rather than focusing on fashion.

11) If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be? If she could change anything it would be the laced drugs she gave to her cousin, Mya Hastings, which led to her overdose in New York time she wasted pining after a previous love interest. 

12) What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational? Her greatest fear is never finding true happiness or fulfillment. 

13) What memory does your character want to forget the most? The memory of Luther James broadcasting her reaction to announcing her torture would be sold to the highest bidder which continued for several weeks. 

14) What is your character’s most recent or frequent nightmare? Unbeknownst to many, including her boyfriend, Lucy has frequent night terrors and sedates herself to sleep due to the nightmares about her abduction.

15) Does your character think more with their heart or their brain? She does possess a brain but she rarely uses it when making decisions about anything of importance. In true Pisces fashion, she is very much ruled by her heart and emotions. 

16) Does your character consider themselves a hero, villain, or something else? If forced to align, she falls into the category of chaotic good -- a combination of a good heart and free spirit, conscious driven with little regard for the expectations/opinions of others and does not always agree with societal rules.

17) What stereotypical role does your character fit into? Self-proclaimed drama queen and prone to fan behavior (simply put, she has obsessive tendencies). She once asked her friends this question for branding purposes and they responded with a pet and lowkey grunge but with pink which transpired into pastel goth. 

18) Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people? Lucy cares greatly about public perception which is interesting considering how often she makes a scene in public due to her emotional outbursts. There is little she would not do to appease those she loves. This behavior was most commonly displayed with Aaron and presently, Vincent. She has a bubbly public persona, a funloving persona reserved for acquaintances, an animated and excitable persona for friends, and a brooding, depressed, insecure persona reserved for exceedingly few who have earned her trust. 

19) What does your character think is the true meaning of life? She feels the meaning of life is to achieve true happiness as well as a greater level of understanding through the trials and tribulations of one’s lifespan. 

2o) What does your character hope for the afterlife? Lucy does not believe in an afterlife which is why finding fulfillment is of great importance to her; she feels she has only one lifetime to embrace the human experience and all it has to offer. For this reason, she is prone to forgiveness, embraces her emotions, and can be full-on in love which she considers the closest thing to nirvana. 

CHILDHOOD & FAMILY

21) When they were a child, what did your character want to be, or think they were going to be when they grew up? Throughout her childhood, she dreamt of being a teacher because she enjoyed showing others how to do things as well as the feeling of accomplishment she got from doing so. 

22) What relationship does your character have with their parents and siblings? The affair created a tense home environment in which her father’s infidelity was often referenced. Each parent worked long hours leaving the girls home alone to fend for themselves. Her sisters often destroyed her designs and physically assaulted her because she was the smallest of the girls. She was ostracized by her family for her big dreams thus her relationship is strained at best. If asked, she will refer to her brother as her only family. 

23) How did your character spend their childhood? Where did they grow up/who were their childhood friends? Detroit, Michigan was where she grew up. Her childhood was spent in as many inexpensive or government-funded school programs as possible to avoid being at home. She considered her brother her best and only childhood friend until she met Lily in her teens. 

24) What location has your character felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most? New York felt most like home to Lucy because it was there she began to build her own identity and gain confidence in herself. 

25) What advice would your character give to a younger version of themselves? To believe in herself and to allow others the opportunity to get to know her. 

INTERESTS & FUNSIES

25) What colors are associated with your character? Uh…. pink, pink, and pink.

26) If your character had time to pick up any hobbies, what would it be? She literally does not have the time for another hobby but, in a perfect world, she would volunteer at the rescue far more often or learn to tattoo.

27) What would be your character’s theme song/favorite band/favorite genre of music? Her theme song would be Green Tea Ice Cream x Matt Dimona, most beloved song Daylily x Movements (anyone who doesn’t know that is a fake friend), and her favorite genre is pop punk.

28) Has your character ever been in love? Love is her driving force. 

29) What is your character’s favorite season? Her favorite season is spring. She anticipates the first warm day each year, the magical feeling of sunshine on her skin with bees buzzing faintly in the background, beautiful hues interrupting the horizon as everything comes to life after a harsh winter. #𝘏𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘙𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘤

3o) What unusual talents does your character possess? She can binge-watch an entire season of a show in a single sitting when committed. 

31) Is your character more of an introvert or an extrovert? Lucy is naturally extroverted but has become more of an ambivert over time and requires time to recharge her social battery.

32) What does your character want to be remembered by? She would like to be remembered for being kind.

33) What is your character’s guiltiest pleasure? She likes her fragility, the ease at which she can be picked up (or tossed around) which is in part what inspires her to continue starving herself.

34) What is most important to your character: health, wealth, or happiness? She feels all three coincide with one another. That being said, her ultimate goal is to discover happiness making it most important. 

35) If your character knew that they were going to die in a month, how would they spend the rest of their life? She would ask for permission to go to another country and spend the rest of her days on a snow-covered mountaintop, in a cabin surrounded by Sanrio items with the perfect fluffy white cat to accompany her as she watched the sunrise every morning.  

36) What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? Of all things, she is most curious about Luther James. 

SANCTUM * leaders do not apply

37) What person in The Organization does your character admire most? The person Lucy admires most is Vincent because she considers him to be her polar opposite -- bold, confident, fearless, happy, and successful. 

38) Which person in The Organization does your character have the most in common with? There is no doubt about it, Lucy shares the most similarities with Dollie hence why she calls the blonde her twin flame.

39) Who in The Organization would your character trust to keep an important secret? Extremely private with the details of her personal life, there are exceedingly few she would turn to in a time of need, Lily is the first person to come to mind. 

4o) Who in The Organization would your character trust most with their life? The only person Lucy trusts with her life is Aaron Rhett (and perhaps her brother, Wesley, if he stuck around long enough). 

41) Who is your character’s biggest rival within The Organization? Charismatic and kind to most, she does not have many, if any, rivals; however, recent events deem Aaron an unfortunate enemy.

42) Who in The Organization does your character trust the least? Despite terrible things done by some of her fellow members, the person she trusts the least (more so, she trusts herself around least) is Eloise because of her excellent interview skills and her profession in podcasting. 

43) Is your character willing to risk the well-being of others in order to achieve their goal? She would never intentionally jeopardize the well-being of another human… at least not until recently.

44) What opinion does your character have on The Organization? She is gracious for the positive influence The Organization has had on her mindset and life overall. Sanctum has allowed her to reconnect with many individuals she cherishes therefore she is eternally grateful. That being said, she has struggled with the death of Phoebe Fox and is uncertain of the leadership currently in place.

45) Does your character value their own best interest more than that of The Organization? No. She is fear driven in regards to Thatcher as well as Sophia therefore would do anything requested of her. Of the three, she now has the best relationship with Maggie and people-pleasing is a strong trait of hers.

46) What is currently motivating your character to stay with The Organization in light of recent events? Outwardly, Lucy continues to be a devout member of The Organization. Buried deep, deep within are many questions she yearns to ask especially as she fails to justify the actions or lack of knowledge the leaders claim to have about certain instances namely the cruise and being entrapped within the Fox Estate. Writer's Note: Character study pieced together and altered to suit Sanctum by meeee! Feel free to use if you feel inclined to do so.

[centrally-unplanned]

The Liminal 90's of River's Edge

River’s Edge, a 1993 josei manga by Kyoko Okazaki, is something I picked up primarily due to hearing through the ‘net-vine of its influence on FLCL. Which is clearly there – adrift teens smoking on a bridge?

A smog-belching factory defining the grim normality of the town they live in, whose purpose is commented on to be unknown to the characters?

FLCL is a hodgepodge of cultural symbols and River’s Edge certainly part of the, uh, hodge. The parallels end there though – River’s Edge is *peak* josei in that it is utterly engulfed in the edgy drama of its high school protagonists. There is no way around the fact that this just isn’t a very good story, when it has plotlines such as boyfriend of Haruna, the main character:

1: cheating on her with her close friend,

2: which they do while doing hard drugs together,

3: resulting her getting knocked up,

4: which her hikikomori sister finds out via reading her diary (the 90’s!)

5: prompting them to get into a *knife fight*, the wounds of which abort the baby

And that is the most tame of these plotlines, trust me. By the time the gay character’s fake-but-she-doesn’t-know-it girlfriend *immolates herself* for attention you are willing to flee to the nearest monastic order to just chill out for life. This manga is 14 chapters y’all, you can finish it in under an hour, there is not enough character screen time to justify this level of drama. Its a classic early-adolescent fiction problem; your first time hearing about sex and death is so cool! So *real*! But once the novelty wears off there are no characters underneath, the shock is a magician’s misdirect so you don’t notice the hollowness behind the curtain.

We also forget how much the digital revolution has changed art in fast-paced, low-cost genres like manga by allowing consistency and polish; Okazaki is an accomplished, well known mangaka and some of these panels are so messy and detail-less:

Which isn’t a criticism per se as this was what the genre looked like at the time, and much of the art is great, but it's just to say overall this isn't a visuals-first affair. It relies on writing that just doesn’t deliver.

------

At least most of the time, because in its overwhelmingly maudlin current are ripples of some really good moments. My standout is when the narrator voice goes poetic, setting up a repeated motif:

Even as it is a bit cheesy this motif still spoke to me, the “flat battlefield”, the power of that phrase the story imbued into it. A fight with no contours to its course, no metrics to measure victory by? You don’t need to experience a knife-fight abortion to get that struggle, my daily mundane life is that (obliquely, through a certain lens at a certain time when the mood is just right/wrong). That is the universal feeling of ennui and social displacement these kinds of stories aim to have empathy for, and that the rest of this story failed to achieve. And credit where it is due – main girl Haruna, who narrates this and through whose eyes most of this story happens, doesn’t really have much drama at all in comparison to her peers. While they do insane shit she just watches and helps where she can from the sidelines, defined by her listlessness as opposed to everyone else’s tragedy. The flat battlefield is exactly the kind of pain someone like Haruna would feel – this arc works.

From the social critic lens, what I think is more notable about this story is what it does not contain. Its universal aspirations are betrayed by how utterly of its time it is. River’s Edge falls into the edgy-punk sphere, but original punk was defined by its targets - The Man, The Establishment, the polluted cityscapes and imprisoned activists, Thatcher’s & Reagan’s right wing triumphalism, original punk knew what it stood against. In the post cold-war, mass-culture era of the 90’s, however, the appeal of those causes faded – how could things so distant and so temporal be the cause of such deep personal ills? It's often said that Japan predicts America’s cultural movements ten years out, but in this case it was right on time – 1993’s River’s Edge flows neatly alongside the 90’s American counterculture void.

But we no longer live in those liminal 90’s, that void between the intensity of the 60’s+ social revolution and today – we now have causes, but they are, ahem, as personal as they are political. Sad edgy teens are no longer sad or edgy – they instead fall somewhere on the Depressed/Oppressed axis, their condition diagnosed. Alienation is now a mental health issue (with treatments, certainly always effective yep yep, criminally underfunded and denied to those who need them), gay teens struggle for acceptance as a political cause. Even if the problems are inwardly focused, the solution can be translocated outward – change media, change language, change executive leadership, only then can the struggle be resolved. It’s the grand cycle of history – the teen edginess is activist again, even if the targets are wildly different.

River’s Edge never mentions the word ‘depression’. No one mentions therapy, or acceptance, or really any solution to their various problems - the problems are experienced internally but exist externally, a world broken only by a vague sense of ‘modernity’, if anything at all. The language in which this state of mind is discussed is now antiquated, a sort of radical acceptance of hopelessness as the natural state of man. Its aspirations to universalism have already been left in the dust of the changing times, an ill-fitting, out-of-fashion way of thinking even as Depression Fics dominates its former niche.

Which is why this otherwise-silly story still spoke to me, as I still resonate with that way of thinking more than anything else in vogue. I keep being told something is out there, but all I ever see is an endless horizon - and I am glad to once again share the view.

------

Anyway, happy 30th anniversary to Smells Like Teen Spirit!

[sunmoon-starfactory]

Dazzling Dragons

Two new species of dragon has been discovered: The Draco Minor and the Draco Major. The Draco Minor averages about the size of a small child and the Draco Major averages about the size of a horse. Both have advanced intelligence which makes them ideal for hunting companions and mounts. The two species have been observed as living in harmony with one another.

These dragons function much in the way Griffins do; being able to breed, be trained for riding or hunting, and produce a few goods. They require care from a sim and have finite lifespans.

Along with dragons, a new Market Vendor and wares have been created, allowing for easier care of dragons or even worship of them.

Super long use instructions and details under the cut.

Download - SFS Download - The Keep

ALL DRAGONS • Adults may be purchased directly from the buy catalog in Hobbies -> Miscellaneous. • Change body position every 15 Sim minutes. • Are NOT NPCs, but objects. These will not conflict with Becks animated farm animals and they may also be safely removed from your game at any time. • Dragons may be raised and sold for profit or trained for hunting. • Must be fed and watered daily. There are several food and water options for dragons: Natural Hunting OR Food and Water Troughs. Dragons check the lot each morning for sustenance. If there is no available food and water the animals will become ill. If the troughs are not filled within 12 Sim hours they will die. Sick dragons have no interactions other than "Inspect". All dragons that die of starvation will immediately disappear from the lot. • Defecate once per day. Dragon dung does not function as fertilizer. • Age and eventually die randomly. • May be picked up and placed into personal inventory by teens through elders. • May be stolen by visitors. Advertising is low for Sims with bad moods, mean personality and hunger. Be sure to keep your animals secure within a locked gate or barn if you do not want them stolen. Stolen animals cannot be retrieved unless you literally open the thief's inventory and remove the items. NESTS • Abandoned Dragon Nest functions as source to obtain dragon eggs without a breeding pair or vendor. Getting an egg is a 1 in 5 chance. Sims will either acquire nothing, an egg, a cracked geode, dragon scales, or large animal bones. A nest may be searched as many times as desired. • Giant Dragon Nest Deco functions as a food check item for dragonlings and as a decorative shelf. The nest has 15 usable slots and serves as the master file for all nest interior recolors. • Egg Hatching Nest is not available from the catalog and is only produced by a Female Adult Dragon via pregnancy or Force Options. • All nests are slaved to the Super Stone set for their stone recolors.

DRAGON EGGS •Can be obtained from an Abandoned Dragon Nest or through having a breeding pair of adults, or bought from a vendor. •After a female dragon makes a nest, eggs should appear in it within the next 48 hours, and can then be counted and collected by sims. Up to four eggs can be laid and a random number is collected each time. One egg is always guaranteed. • Eggs will not hatch until they are placed into the world from a sim’s inventory. When placed they will take an additional 5 sim days to incubate. A popup will notify when an egg has hatched. • After hatching, the dragonling is not intractable with for 1 hour. This time can be indicated by the dragonlings' drained color. After this resting period, sims may inspect the newly hatched dragonling and will add it to their inventory for transport. This is also an autonomous action. • Upon placing the dragonling back into the world, it functions as a normal animal with a daily routine. DRAGONLINGS • Must be manually recolored upon placement back into world. • Mature in 10 Sim days. • After the first 5 days there is a coin flip for death. This is to account for accidents, illness and predators. If a dragonling meets with an untimely demise, a pop up message will appear as the dragonling disappears from the lot. • Will autonomously "grow up" and randomly select male or female sex at that point. • Interactions include: - Talk to Dragonling = Children Only; Non-Autonomous; Increases fun and social motives - View Dragonling = Teen through elder; Non-Autonomous; Increases fun and social motives

ADULTS • Interactions include: - Talk to Dragon= Children only; Non-Autonomous; Increases social and fun motives - Praise Dragon = Teens through Elder; Non-Autonomous; Increases social and fun motives - Inspect Dragon = Sims can evaluate the horse to determine its quality. Unless a horse is sick from starvation it will be in good condition. Non-Autonomous; teen through elder. If female, this interaction will also tell you if she is pregnant or not. - Train For Hunting: With enough body and logic skill, a sim can train an adult dragon to be a hunting animal. Doing so adds a hunter version of the dragon to the sim’s inventory and the dragon now serves as a fetching animal rather than a pet. - Train For Riding: An option for the Draco Major only. With enough body and logic skill, a sim can train an adult dragon to be a riding animal. Doing so adds a vehicle version of the dragon to the sim’s inventory and the dragon now serves as a fetching animal rather than a pet. • Every 20 Sim days will be a random coin flip for death. • Females have a 50% chance of pregnancy each day when a male is present on the lot. Pregnancy lasts 10 sim days. At the end of this time, the mother will make a nest to lay eggs in.

FORCE OPTIONS All dragons can be forced to die via a random means. Female dragons can be forced to make a nest for eggs to be laid in. 

FOOD & WATER OPTIONS The natural pretty for dragons is deer. Dragonlings will be automatically fed and watered, if any of the following are present on a lot: • Female Adult Dragon, Male Adult Dragon, Giant Dragon Nest (Deco), and Fetch Water Rock Adult Dragons will be automatically fed and watered, if any of the following are present on a lot: • Doe Pet Food Spawner, Buck Pet Food Spawner, Deer Hunting Tracks, and Fetch Water Rock Dragons may continue to use natural food sources through winter as deer do not hibernate. If no natural sources of food or water are present during any season, dragons must have troughs filled for them or they will grow sick and die. Dragon Troughs require Buckets of Water, and Deer Carcasses to be filled. Troughs are texture slaved to BB Niches.   

Natural Feeding REQUIRES the following sets: • Water Rock – Fetch Water Any ONE of the following for deer/deer carcasses: • It's a Trap - Deer Trap (for carcasses) • Au Naturel Ped Food - Doe/Buck Spawners • Wild Hunting - Deer Spawner 

PRODUCTS

While griffins are mainly functioning as pet type items rather than true livestock items, they do produce two "products". SCALES: By grooming a dragon, a sim will obtain scales that can be sold for a high profit. The bowl the scales come in are slaved to the Pottery Super Set. 

HUNTER: By using the train for hunting action, a sim with enough logic and body skill can turn a dragon into a hunting animal. The Hunter Dragon can hunt once every 24 hours and will being back 1 of 5 items, or if unlucky nothing. To send a dragon to hunt a sim must offer it Ground Meat (Draco Minor) or a Roast (Draco major) as incentive. Dragons are ready to hunt when they assume their "active" position. They are slaved to the female dragon.

Draco Minor Bounties: Deer, Boar, Golden Trout, Cracked Geode, Healing Crystal. Draco Major Bounties: Deer, Boar, Bear, Cow, Treasure Chest. Animal carcasses may be used for food points in the fridge, the geode can be studied for logic skill, and the healing crystal can either boost a sim's motives or cure all disease and sickness but it one time use only, treasure chest is the one from BV and thus will appreciate in value and can be sold for profit. VEHICLE: By using the train for riding action, a sim with enough logic and body skill can turn a Draco Major into a vehicle. The Draco Major Vehicle comes with a custom sound. The dragon itself and the saddle are recolorable. All recolor files have been left as individuals so desired ones may be easily sorted. *For anyone who finds the sound overbearing, you can remove it by simply deleting the Sun&Moon-Dragons_DracoMajor_Vehicle_Sound package.

RECOLORS Draco Minors come in a total of 73 textures, and Draco Majors a total of 13. These have been left as individual packages to easily pick and choose desired textures. A PSD for each has been included in the files for anyone who wants to recolor dragons.   

AUTONOMOUS FEEDING Sims that carry the Empty Bucket in their personal inventory will autonomously fill the water trough, while Sims that carry the Pitchfork in their personal inventory will autonomously fill the food trough. In a Sim owned business the required hay and water will be deducted from the owner's inventory.

DUNG COLLECTION & REMOVAL • Children through elders can non-autonomously rake up dung = dispose of it • Children through elders can non-autonomously collect dung. • If a Sim has a Slop Bucket in their inventory then they will autonomously collect dung. • If a Sim has a Dung Rake in their inventory then they will autonomously dispose of dung. • You can have both slop buckets and dung rakes in a Sim's inventory and they will randomly choose which action to perform autonomously. If you only want them to either collect or dispose then only place the corresponding tool into their inventory. • If no one collects or disposes of dung within 36 hours it will disappear from the lot on its own. • Purchase Rakes and Buckets in the buy catalog under Hobbies->Miscellaneous

BONUS: VENDOR & EXTRAS

Now the dragon wagon you know and love is functional! The All In One version has been made into a functional vendor of all things dragon.For a less obtrusive option for a vendor, a small sign board can be used. This is slaved to the Deco Master Sign Board. It is included along with a dragon signage recolor. Sims can be a little stubborn in terms of how they approach the vendor wagon itself, so I recommend BOB placement. This will also keep them from clipping it in general.

These vendor sells: • Dragon Eggs: Sells both Minor Draco and Major Draco eggs. • Dragon Scales: For profit or mysterious use. • Dragon Lanterns: Various lighting fixtures (table lamp, floor lamp, hanging lamp, pole brazier) • Hanging Dragon Figure: Just to look cute. • Dragon Idol : This is a new object that is a combination of the available actions found on KevinHope's Cross and Rebecah's Bible. No more having to choose between them. Pray, Curse, or Preach about your dragon cult!

• Weekly Meat Supplies: Buy a week's worth of hunting incentive meat for either type of dragon. Open it and receive the individuals into a sim's inventory. Seven pieces are provided in line with a typical sim week. The ground meat container is slaved the the Pottery Super Set. 

Requires the following Sets: • Dazzling Dragons (you're here!) - Eggs/Scales • Dragon Wagon Set - Lanterns, Hanging Dragon, Master Cart • Dragon Wagon Color Splash - If you want some additional wagon recolors.

MISC

• Master files included for all slaved files. • All items visible in hood view • Most items found in the buy catalog under Hobbies -> Miscellaneous, or Gardening -> Garden • Exception of the deer carcasses not purchasable from the catalog. • Most items in this set may be recolored including dragons, troughs, nests, and scales. •Collection file included •Compressorized

DUPLICATE FILES: The following files are duplicates found in other sets. If you have them in another set, you may delete them from this set. • Sun&Moon-Accessory_DungRake – Any Livestock/Breeding Set • Sun&Moon-Inventory_DungRake – Any Livestock/Breeding Set • Sun&Moon-Inventory_SlopBucket – Any Livestock/Breeding Set • Sun&Moon-Accessory_WaterBucket – Any Livestock/Breeding Set • Sun&Moon-Inventory_EmptyBucket – Any Livestock/Breeding Set • Sun&Moon-Inventory_Pitchfork – Any Livestock/Breeding Set • Sun&Moon-Dragons_Bones - Butcher Set (Sun&Moon-Butcher_Product_Bones_Large) • Sun&Moon-Dragons_GroundMeat - Butcher Set (Sun&Moon-Butcher_Product_GroundMeat) • Sun&Moon-Dragons_Roast - Butcher Set (Sun&Moon-Butcher_Product_Roast) • Sun&Moon-Dragons_HealingCrystal - Mining 3.0(Sun&Moon-Mining_HealingCrystal) • Sun&Moon-Dragons_CrackedGeode - Mining 3.0(Sun&Moon-Mining_Geode_Cracked) • Sun&Moon-Dragons_BoarCarcass - Any Hunting/Trapping (Sun&Moon-Boar_Carcass) • Sun&Moon-Dragons_DeerCarcass - Any Hunting/Trapping (Sun&Moon-Deer_Carcass) • Sun&Moon-Dragons_BearCarcass - Any Hunting/Trapping (Sun&Moon-Bear_Carcass) • Sun&Moon-Dragons_CowCarcass - Cow Livestock Set (Sun&Moon-Cows_CarcassAdult)

[roll-for-world-building]

Magical creatures tend to be difficult and dangerous to work with or tame, but people continue to attempt it because the rewards for doing so are equally great. The same holds true for the use of such creatures as service animals; when properly trained and treated well, they can greatly raise a person’s quality of life.

Some magical creatures have been created specifically for the purpose of working as service animals. An example of this is the luck dog, a halfling-created breed of dog with some fey ancestry. Luck dogs are very smart and, while not exactly telepathic, have heightened empathy that makes them keenly aware of the moods of those around them, especially their owners. They therefore make excellent service dogs, capable of performing a wide range of tasks. Similarly, the shimmercrow is a kind of bird magically created by the drow, which resembles a normal crow in most respects except for having slight iridescence to its feathers. Shimmercrows share a mild telepathic link with the person they are bonded to, allowing them to serve as guide animals for hearing impaired or visually impaired drow.

Many naturally occurring magical creatures are much too powerful and perilous to make a good service animal, but with the proper approach some of them can serve quite well. Most elementals, for example, are too tempestuous and dangerous if freed to be suitable for such a role, but very minor elementals can be captured and trained to perform simple tasks with little risk if they are properly cared for. Air elementals can assist people with breathing problems by purifying air or helping to regulate breathing. Earth elementals can do small physical tasks like carrying objects, and water elementals can help with bathing and cleaning and can be trained to aid with water therapy. Fire elementals are not so commonly used, but occasionally can be helpful for certain situations.

While most magical creatures have to be trained and tamed, sometimes intelligent creatures will choose to stay with and aid a person if they like them enough. Faerie dragons and pseudodragons have exacting standards and will not stay with anyone who does not meet them, but once a bond is made with them they can be invaluably useful companions. Being very clever and possessing both sharp memories and limited telepathy, these creatures can not only assist with daily tasks and help remember important things, they can also provide comfort and emotional support. Since it’s not really an option for most people to just go out and find a miniature dragon to be friends with, a niche career has arisen for people who seek out faerie or pseudodragons that are looking for companions and then pair them up with people who need them, housing and caring for them in the meantime.

Those who find success at making magic their profession are usually able to employ more powerful creatures to aid them than the average person. Constructs are most typically favored for such purposes, often specially crafted by the magic user themselves for their particular needs. Others go for more extravagant measures: famous disabled magic users include Sahrishra Manyflowers, a blind warlock who was attended by a pair of fey black bears that relayed information to her, and the wizard Anscalzifar Marrowblack, a partially paralyzed necromancer who was known for having a team of reanimated skeletons carry him in a sedan chair whenever he left his tower.

[nickyysharmi]

How Indian Music Apps Have Crafted Diverse Musical Landscapes

In the digital age, our smartphones have become the modern-day jukebox, allowing us to carry an entire library of music in our pockets. The influence of music apps similar to Spotify on shaping diverse music styles is undeniable. Let's delve into the rhythmic journey these apps have orchestrated, focusing on indigenous platforms that have harmonized our musical experiences.

1. Gaana

Gaana, a name synonymous with the Indian music streaming scene, has not just survived but thrived. With a vast library spanning Bollywood hits, regional gems, and international chart-toppers, Gaana has evolved into a musical melting pot. From classical ragas to foot-tapping EDM, this app has turned into every genre, allowing listeners to explore the rich tapestry of India's musical heritage.

Also Read: Find Your Next Favorite Podcasts With These Apps

2. Wynk Music

Wynk Music, backed by the telecom giant Airtel, has finely tuned its approach to cater to individual preferences. The app's unique feature of creating personalized playlists based on user listening habits has transformed the way we discover new tracks. It's like having a personal DJ who understands your musical soul, ensuring every beat resonates with your mood.

3. Amazon Music

Amazon Music, a newcomer in the Indian music streaming scene, has swiftly become a go-to platform for those seeking a seamless blend of local and global sounds. With an extensive library of 100 million songs, the app offers ad-free bliss, unlimited skips, offline downloads, a lyrics feature, and a convenient car mode  transforming your vehicle into a concert hall. Its user-friendly interface and integration with Alexa make for an innovative and hands-free musical experience, setting it apart in the dynamic landscape of music streaming and offline music players.

Also Read: Discover Fresh Music Daily With These Apps

4. Hungama Music

Hungama Music, with its distinctive approach, has carved a niche by promoting independent and non-mainstream artists. This app isn't just about the latest Bollywood chartbusters; it's a platform that amplifies the voices of emerging musicians, fostering a community where creativity knows no boundaries. It's a refreshing escape from the predictable playlists, encouraging listeners to explore the uncharted realms of music.

5. YouTube Music

YouTube Music, an extension of the video giant, has seamlessly integrated visuals with music. This app has redefined the way we experience songs, offering a treasure trove of music videos, live performances, and covers. It's not just about listening; it's about visually immersing yourself in the world of sound. YouTube Music has transformed our playlists into a cinematic journey of emotions.

Also Read: The Impact Of Music On Productivity And Concentration

Conclusion

In the symphony of Indian music apps, each platform is a conductor, orchestrating diverse notes that resonate with the varied tastes of listeners. From the versatility of Gaana to the regional richness of Wynk, and the innovative approach of Amazon Music, these apps have not only shaped but also amplified our musical experiences. So, the next time you plug in your earphones, remember, you're not just listening to a song; you're part of a harmonious collaboration between technology and artistry, weaving the soundtrack of our lives.

[unearthitaly]

ITALY FROM A TO Z - A Review -

This past year I’ve been sharing an Italian word beginning with every letter of the alphabet and giving a bit of cultural context, which is always useful in order to implement the vocabulary when learning a new language.

Here’s a review (check the linked posts for more info):

A for AMERICANATA: “Americanata” [ fem.noun, pl.form “americanate”] is a word used by Italians to underline an action, a thing, a behaviour which is judged kitsch and characterized by delusions of grandeur, considered typical of the American demeanor [American intended as “citizen of the USA”]. - More info here;

B for BACIAPILE: “Baciapile” is a  word used to indicate those people who are, apparently, very pious, because they always go to the Mass, but that, in the end, do not follow the Christian precept of love for the others. It is believed that, for them, the Mass is just means to appear good in public. - More info here;

C for CONTRAFFAZIONE: [La] Contraffazione [-i] means forgery/counterfeiting. It can be used especially when talking about counterfeit money, but not only.In Italy we use an expression to indicate a kind of forgery made abroad against Italy and the so-called “made in Italy” which employs this noun. It’s “contraffazione alimentare” ( “food counterfeiting”) - More info here;

D for DIVORZIO: [ Il ] Divorzio [pl.form “i divorzi”] means divorce. In Italy it was legally introduced in 1970, but given that not all agreed on it in the Parliament, they decided to organize a referendum to see if people wanted this new law. The majority of Italians voted yes to the divorce law during the referendum held in 1974. The word “divorzio” became known worldwide even before it was legal in Italy, thanks to the 1962 movie “Divorzio all'Italiana” (“Divorce Italian Style”) by Pietro Germi - More info here;

E for EDICOLA: [L’] edicola [pl.form: le edicole]. It can have different meanings. At first edicole were small temples, In a second moment they became niches located inside the temples, meant to contain the statues of the deities. In modern times we indicate with the noun “edicole” the newsstands. - More info here;

F for FARO: [ Il ] Faro [pl.form: i fari ] means lighthouse, but also headlight. This noun derives from the name of the small island ’pharos’, located in front of Alexandria and where there was the biggest lighthouse of the ancient times and considered one of the 7 Wonders of the World - More info here;

G for GALLO/GALLINA: [Il] Gallo [pl.form: i galli] means rooster and [La] Gallina [pl.form: le galline] hen.The “realm” of the henhouse has always been used as a metaphor of the society in the Italian Culture. Check the post to see the countless idioms where gallo and gallina are used in Italian idioms;

H for HOTEL: The word hotel is clearly a loan word according to Italians, because in our language we don’t really have many words beginning with “h”. It’s indeed a French word. What many of us ignore, though, is that the French word derives from the Latin term “hospitale” [hosting place].What you might find peculiar in Italy is finding certain kinds of hotels which are not to be found or are not popular outside the Belpaese. Check the post to discover more about them;

I for ITALIANIZZAZIONE: [L’] Italianizzazione [fem.noun], meaning “Italianization”, is the spreading of the Italian Culture,  people or language which can happen through integration or assimilation.When we use this term, though, we specifically point out  that specific forced policy carried out by the Fascist dictatorship in  the African colonies, in the European territories annexed during WWII  and  in the Italian areas populated by linguistic minorities ( South Tyrol, Venezia Giulia, Aosta Valley, the Asiago Plateau etc.) Foreign languages and press were prohibited, foreign-sounding surnames and toponymy   translated and foreign schools suppressed. - More info here;

J for JUVENTUS: [ La ] Juventus ( = Juventus Football Club ). We don’t have many words beginning with J in Italian and Juventus is probably the most famous. - More info here;

K for K2: K2 [ Italian pronunciation: “kappa due” ] is the second highest mountain in the world and it’s located in the Karakoram range, on the border between China and Pakistan. What has Italy to do with Pakistan and the K2 ? Well, it was an Italian expedition that first climbed the mountain on 31.July 1954. After the war, a great venture was believed to be necessary “to lift the country’s mood” and the attempt to the second highest, but most difficult mountain to climb, seemed like a great opportunity. - More info here;

L for LIBERAZIONE: [La] Liberazione [pl.form: le liberazioni]. As its English translation “liberation”, it’s the action of setting someone free from imprisonment, slavery  or oppression. In Italian Culture we use the term “liberazione” to indicate the 25th April, the so-called “Giorno della Liberazione”, Day of Liberation. - More info here;

M for MEDIOEVO: [ Il ] Medioevo means “Middle Ages” and, as you know, it’s the historical period that goes from the 476 aC (the fall of the Roman Empire) to 1492 aC (the discovery of America). What you might don’t know is that, nowadays, in #Italy we still use some idioms “invented” in the Middle Ages. Check them out here;

N for NOZZE: [Le] Nozze [plural] is the Italian translation for “nuptials”. A synonym is “matrimonio” (which is not formal like its English counterpart “matrimony”). Not many know, though, that the words nozze/nuptials take their name from the bride’s veil. The Latin naptiae derived indeed from nubere= “to veil”, which then became “to marry”. - More info here;

O for ORO: [ L’ ] Oro [masc.noun] is Italian word for gold. As you probably know Italy does well in the production and trade of luxury items and it’s actually the first country for the number of firms operating in this branch. The gold industry is obviously one of them. We have three important “gold districts” in Italy which are those of: Valenza Po in Piedmont; Arezzo in Tuscany; Vicenza in Veneto. - More info here;

P for PREVISIONE: [La] Previsione [pl.form: le previsioni] means “prevision”, “prediction”. This word in Italy is mostly used in association with “tempo” to form the expression “previsioni del tempo”, which are the weather forecasts. - More info here;

Q for QUOTIDIANO: [Il] Quotidiano is a useful word that can have different meanings. ⚡It is usually translated as “daily”, but it can also be used as a noun to indicate the daily routine. It is also used to indicate the daily newspaper. - More info here;

R for RECITAZIONE: [ La ] Recitazione is “acting” in Italian language. Italians, often described as quite “creative” and “artistic”, are known for being naturally talented actors. There’s even a famous quotation by Orson Welles that stated that Italy was populated by 50 millions actors and the worst were those on stage, lol. - More info here;

S for SAVOIARDO: [Il] Savoiardo [pl.form: i savoiardi]. The savoiardi, known in English as “lady fingers”, are the biscuits used for the preparation of the tiramisù. - More info here;

T for TERREMOTO: [Il] terremoto [ pl.form: i terremoti ] means earthquake and, sadly, it’s a word which we happen to use a lot in Italy. - More info here;

U for UMORISMO: [ L’ ] Umorismo is “humour” in Italian. People’s ability to comprehend and appreciate humour largely depends on a host variables like one’s culture, education and even intelligence. Another factor is, surely, the geographical location and, in a place like Italy, could a thing not vary according to the region or town? Obviously not! Check which are the most famous kinds of Italian humour that we have in this post ;

V for VULCANO: [Il] Vulcano [ pl.form: i vulcani] is volcano in English. Italy is one of the countries with the highest number of volcanos in Europe. “Vulcano” is even the name of a proper volcano and of the island where it is located (which belongs to the Aeolian archipelago in Sicily). - More info here;

LETTER W: Even though in Italian the letter W is not considered part of the alphabet, the character has a symbolic meaning. W stands for “evviva” or “viva”, which mean “hooray for”. We have also the counterpart which is a W positioned upside down that stands for “abbasso” and means “down with”. - More info here;

X for XYLELLA: Xylella is a term that, sadly, has become popular in the recent years, especially in Apulia. It’s an aerobic bacterium that causes various diseases in plants. In Italy it has attacked olive trees in the Salento area in Apulia causing the olive quick decline syndrome. - More info here;

Y for YODEL: [Lo] Yodel - also known as jodel - is a type of rural song that involves repeated and rapid changes of pitch between the so-called “chest voice” and the high-pitch head register or falsetto. It was born in the area of the Central Alps as it was used by the hearders to call their stock or to communicate with other Alpine villages. In Italy it is present in South Tyrol given its cultural heritage. - More info here;

Z for ZAMPILLO: [Lo] zampillo [ pl.form: gli zampilli]. It’s often translated as “gush” and it’s used to indicate, indeed, a small gushing of water or blood. - More info here.

[hotyogasummit]

The benefits of alleviation Yoga and Poses to try

restorative yoga is a style of yoga that encourages actual, mental, and affecting relaxation. applicable for all degrees, alleviation yoga is accomplished at a slow tempo, focusing on lengthy holds, calmness, and abysmal breathing.

unlike extra active yoga patterns akin to vinyasa or Bikram, that you could expect to cling a affectation for five minutes or extra, simplest assuming a scattering of poses in one alleviation yoga affair.

examine on to be taught extra about restorative yoga, poses to try, and the merits of this gentle fashion of yoga.

mild, supportive, and therapeutic are only a few phrases that call restorative yoga. At its amount, alleviation yoga is a convention of acquiescent healing.

This yoga trend is regular for its capability to prompt the parasympathetic fearful device. here s the “leisure and abstract” a part of your frightened equipment that helps preserve simple capabilities working as they may still.

because the identify suggests, this trend of yoga “restores” the physique to its parasympathetic apprehensive equipment characteristic, which, in flip, helps the body relaxation, heal, and repair stability.

by permitting time for best asanas postures or poses and added breathing, restorative yoga helps elicit the rest acknowledgment. This response can aid slow breathing, cut back blood drive, and produce a sense of quiet and extended smartly-being.

A key feature in restorative yoga is using props akin to blocks, bolsters, or blankets. The backdrop assist you dangle passive poses for longer with out exerting or tiring out your muscle tissue. It also lets you think comfy and accurate, in spite of your event with yoga.

And, seeing that you’re inspired to chill out entirely within the pose while specializing in your animation, restorative yoga lets you release tension for your muscle tissues for best intervals with out soreness.

The benefits of alleviation yoga are corresponding to lots of the merits you may additionally journey with different types of yoga. Key advantages, supported by means of science, include the following:

Relaxes your intellect and body. Yoga is linked to decreased accent and nervousness, and reduce ranges of cortisol, the stress hormone.

Soothes the worried system. alleviation yoga helps shift the balance out of your combat-or-flight response sympathetic anxious gadget to your relaxation acknowledgment, or the parasympathetic frightened gadget.

Enhances your mood. Yoga promotes leisure and deep breathing, which, according to research, may also in the reduction of depressive signs.

diminishes persistent ache. analysis has shown that yoga can also help reduce ache linked to headache or returned pain, in addition to osteoarthritis.

Improves sleep. reviews accept shown that adding yoga to your daily routine can also help boost the pleasant of your sleep.

Improves well-actuality. in addition to lower stages of stress, advisers accept additionally found that doing yoga regularly can result in much less fatigue, greater vigor, and superior neatly-actuality.

gentle on your body. restorative yoga is frequently protected and sometimes counseled for americans with astute or chronic accidents.

Works as part of an standard treatment plan for chronic health circumstances. individuals with a continual illness may improvement from a daily observe of yoga. A  evaluation of studies discovered that americans with melanoma who accomplished yoga pronounced an improvement in their cerebral and actual symptoms, as well as stronger nice of existence.

safe to perform during pregnancy. restorative yoga is effortless to adjust and secure to practice all over pregnancy. The American faculty of Obstetricians and Gynecologists ranks prenatal yoga as probably the most most secure how you can pastime all over pregnancy.

restorative yoga is commonplace for its assurance on props similar to bolsters, blocks, or folded blankets to accomplish poses gentler and greater supportive. That referred to, that you could additionally practice any alleviation yoga poses without using backdrop.

In standard, you can predict to hang poses in restorative yoga for not less than  account. if you need to dangle a affectation for longer, you could do so, as long as it feels comfortable. Some individuals cling alleviation poses for  minutes or more.

This restorative pose is a superb choice in case you employ loads of time sitting during the day.

The fish affectation can aid elongate your spine, unlock anxiety in your neck and amateur, and originate up your chest.

To make this affectation more comfortable, you can exercise a bolster or two folded blankets or towels below your amateur and head.

place a bolster or two folded blankets on the center of your mat, alongside to each and every other with a small hole between them.

Lie back and leisure your shoulder blades on the absolute closest to you. leisure your head on the nd absolute. that you can hold your legs folded, or lengthen them in front of you.

leisure your hands at your aspects, or prolong them aloft your head, hands dealing with advancement.

shut your eyes and remove deep breaths while releasing tension to your physique. you ll suppose your whole body sink into the blankets and floor.

live in this pose for  minutes or greater. focal point on abysmal respiratory and releasing the tension to your muscle groups.

This pose helps abate accent and fatigue, and acclaim stretches your backbone, achievement, glutes, hamstrings, and accept muscle tissues. It has the capacity to assist relieve lower back and close ache in case your arch and torso are accurate.

Kneel on the ground together with your knees hip-amplitude aside, big toes touching, buttocks in your heels.

exhale and angular ahead with your torso amid your thighs. bringing your arch bottomward toward the flooring.

prolong your arms out in front of you, aloft your head, along with your fingers on the ground. If here s too complex, that you would be able to allow your fingers to relaxation alongside your body with your palms dealing with up.

For abysmal leisure and accent aid, accept as true with attempting the corpse affectation, also called savasana.

place a folded absolute at the exact of your mat, and a bolster or two folded blankets ample on right of every other against the conclusion of your mat.

region your fingers in a natural position at your aspects with palms facing up. You will have a niche amid your fingers and physique.

live in this pose for  account or extra. focus on deep breathing and absolution the tension for your muscles.

The legs-up-the-bank pose helps abate tired legs and ft, gently stretches your hamstrings and returned of the neck, and might help ease light backache.

region the slim conclusion of your yoga mat against the bank. region a folded blanket within the middle of the mat. Your arch will leisure on the absolute. that you may also employ a folded absolute or beanbag to support your close if you like.

sit down together with your correct side in opposition t the bank, again lie lower back as you beat your legs up in opposition t the bank.

assess the gap amid your buttocks and the bank. are trying to get your buttocks as close to the bank as is relaxed for you. For further help, that you may area one to  bankrupt blankets on the mat about  to six inches from the wall, so your lessen again rests on correct of it.

Breathe in, and as you breathe, let your physique chill out, releasing your achievement, again, and close into the floor. rest during this position for  account. focal point on deep respiration and releasing the tension in your muscle groups.

restorative yoga is a passive, attentive variety of yoga that means that you can focus for your breath while releasing anxiety for your physique. not like other types of yoga, restorative yoga requires you to cling asanas or poses for an extended size of time, usually  account or more.

alleviation yoga frequently uses backdrop like bankrupt blankets, blocks, or bolsters. These backdrop help guide your physique and let you deepen the pose and greater absolutely chill out your physique.

restorative yoga is mild and generally regarded protected for most people. in case you have considerations about the defense of restorative yoga, talk to your doctor or physical therapist before working towards this classification of yoga.

[awesomelephuoclocblog-blog]

5CloudHost Review – Real SSD Speed Hosting At Insane Low Price

https://lephuocloc.com/5cloudhost-review/

5CloudHost Review

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Section by part control

5CloudHost Review – Overview

markdown

Thing name 5CloudHost

Vendor Catalin Draga

Front-end price $47-$147

Homepage https://www.fivecloudhost.com/

Release Date 2020-Jun-01

Release Time 07:00 EDT

Niche General

Recommended Very High

Capacity levels needed No need any aptitudes

Support Effective Response

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5CloudHost Review What is it

About Creator

5CloudHost Review Creator

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Distinctive PHP Versions

Constrained by cPanel®

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Ultra-Fast Loading Speeds

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A large number of clients are satisfied while using 5CloudHost, and you will be one of them soon:

5CloudHost Review People Say

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Doesn't have any kind of effect in case you are a blogger, partner promoter or online retailer, any person who achieves something on the web needs a decent Web Hosting like 5CloudHost.

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Upsides and drawbacks

Specialists

✓ Daily Backups

✓ Free SSL Certificates

✓ Firewall and WAF

✓ Virus and Malware Protection

✓ Unlimited Bandwidth, Emails, Subdomains and MySQL DBs

✓ 1-Click CDN (Cloudflare) and App Install (Softaculous)

✓ Multiple PHP Versions

✓ Powered by cPanel®

✓ High-Performance Hardware

✓ Fully Redundant Cloud

✓ Secure Infrastructure

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✓ Powerful Automation

✓ 30 Day Money Back Guarantee

Cons

X No Cons Founded.

Assessing

5CloudHost has 3 OTOs so you can pick what fits you most:

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Elective 1: US Plan (See Details)

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1 Hosted Domain

5 GB SSD Storage

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Given resources(LVE): half CPU(~1.4Ghz), 512MB RAM, 20 Entry Processes

– OTO2: Cloud Business – High traffic corporate goals ($239 $97/5 Years)

Decision 1: US Plan (See Details)

Decision 2: EU Plan (See Details)

10 Hosted Domains

15 GB SSD Storage

Dallas, TX Datacenter

Submitted resources(LVE): 100% CPU(~2.8Ghz), 1GB RAM, 50 Entry Processes

– OTO3: Cloud Enterprise – Enterprise content organization ($359 $147/5 Years)

Elective 1: US Plan (See Details)

Elective 2: EU Plan (See Details)

Vast Hosted Domains

50 GB SSD Storage

Dallas, TX Datacenter

Committed resources(LVE): 200% CPU(~5.6Ghz), 2GB RAM, 100 Entry Processes, Dedicated IP Address

7IjXDNJ

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[ikonislife]

Same Moon.

-Bobby x Reader

-Angst, fluff, rekindled relationship, ex to lovers, Bobby’s birthday scenario

-Life torn your love apart but when it once more brings you back to where it had all started, will you and him survive the tumultuous ride?

The soft rustling of leaves being shed into the slight chill of an autumn night paves the way for his lonely footstep pattering down the desolated street. Dirty yellow streetlamp frizzing scaring a few bugs looking for a bit of warmth, blind by their desire to sooth an addiction that no doubt drawing close their demise much faster than the natural cycle of life would. What if that’s all human is, just bugs flying in the night, drawn to things in life that bring pleasure but, in the end, spelling out certain pain. Yet there’s no helping this calling, this, this strange addiction to feel loved even if at the end of a cold lonely night, it brings nothing but searing pain for days to come… And certainly, aching memories for years. As Bobby gazes upon the full moon casting its wisps of silver down upon the city that long forgotten about its wondrous healing light, abandoned for temporary high in the explosion of colorful neon lights and the pollution it brings, he finds himself solemn. It’s the same beautiful bright orb that occupies the sky no matter inkiness or clear blue. No matter the existent of the clouds that shy its beauty away from the world that couldn’t much care less for it has not for its detrimental effects on the tides and, well, that’s a topic he could spend all night speaking on but alas, irrelevant. What is within the realm of all things matter dearly to his heart, this is the same moon as it always had been in his short time on Earth. The same one he first took a breath of that disinfectant filled fresh air of the hospital, of his first kiss, his first fuck… the first time he caught the glimmers in your eyes despite the ass hour of the night across the crowded platform of Shibuya station. 

It was unknown really, why he suddenly felt the need to abandon a game he nearly bested and instead looked up, staring straight ahead at the platform across the metal rails. Bobby didn’t know why this night he had chosen to care about the storyline of someone else. He had learned to be impervious of the strives in the life streams possessed by the thousands other souls existing at the same time in the same space. He had enough on his own plate, why on Earth would he be bother with someone else’s life. Yet that night, he couldn’t help but be curious, to look up, to take a small peek into what was going on across the track, letting himself immerse in this deep philosophical conscious that to every face he sees, a complicated lifetime is attached. Were they also going through the many debacles of life despite the smile on their lips or are they truly happy? He stared into your eyes and saw what he could only described as an out of body experience. Like a ghost floating alongside your small steps and soft hum (he assumed you like to hum in the slow of life, you just seemed like the kind of girl that could carry a tune), Bobby imagined your mundane life playing out, every decision, everything that consequently lead to you standing right within his view. Like morn to any dream, the clicking of the approaching train conceal you away in the rush of the world existing outside of his little bubble. You were gone. He regretted it, in the five minutes he had stared at you like the creep he was, his feet would’ve carried him over the small pass connection the two side and right by your side. Yet instead he stared, like a dumbass, probably scaring you off but that little pout on your lips was too mesmerizing for his logical side to break the spell. When, how, where would he even find you again in this city of millions, not even accounting for the tourists just like himself. Were you also a tourist? Looking for a little break in your daily routine? The image of your (hair color) locks flowing in the gust of wind intensified by the ghastly sound of wheels grinding against metal track haunted his daydream until he could no longer remained still. So, he wandered. Where? A real plan of action was only something of a myth at this point, but Bobby had to do something. He went back to the infamous sea of the Shibuya crossing… Thousands of people passed by nearly every hour, what better place to start. Then it was the station, dozen times it must’ve been that he just stood there in the same spot you had been, hoping to see the familiar pout. What kind of place would a girl like yourself frequent, clothing store? cafe? park? Bobby tried his best but, in the end, his short vacation ended much too quickly, and the thrashing wave of reality wasn’t one he could stop. Yet life has a strange way of sharing a bit of its kindness on those who persevered for exactly 2 months later on a night much like the fateful one, you were humming a strange tune unfamiliar to his ears not even a few feet away. He thought you looked familiar at first, those soft tousles curiously gave him the worst case of nostalgia despite bearing no resemblance at all to any name he had committed to memory. A hot summer night and the wait for the much needed relieved of a delectable ice cream cone lit a fire in his stomach, antsy and not much patient had. He tapped his foot in place, click his tongue, and must’ve sighed about 4 times before you turned his way, soft whispers filled the night. “Not a waiting kind of dude, are you?” “Normally, yes. Tonight, debatable.” He normally hated small talk. What’s the point of them really? Nonsense to fill the dead air and awkward space, no value to anything being said nor is it important enough to commit to memory. Yet whatever grandeur life had in store for him that night made Bobby answered, he felt compelled to reply then only to feel his tongue go numb from the sight of that little pout. “Well quit being a grump. If you were a kid, wouldn’t you want to carefully pick the best flavor of ice cream to enjoy? Let the boy have his moment.” Gesturing at the boy who couldn’t be more than 6, tiptoeing despite having full view of the giant display of colorful treats, you swung your body with all the oomph you could in the small space of the line. Then you paused… So did he. For a moment, he could hear the wheel churning in your brain, eyebrows raised so high as if your senses recognized him just the way he did you. “AAHHH!” You suddenly exclaimed, drawing ire from the few customers behind Bobby. Panic engulfed his body; did you think he was a creep? “You! weird dude stared at me for like a billion years in Japan. You’re even wearing the same outfit!” “oh. Well, it’s a different white shirt if that makes a different… Probably not…” Bobby sighed in defeat, of course, now he was just a creepy person in your eyes. No way in hell now would you give him a chance. “Of course, I saw. I feared for my life for a bit there.” Or maybe not, your smile, much cuter than the pout he had been hung up on for all this time. “I-I have no excuse. I’m sorry.” “Well, at first I thought I was gonna get kidnap and sold off… but then you looked a bit… how do I say this without making it weird.” You mused, and he thought of a puppy hearing the TV for the first time, head tilt, adorable gaze and all. “I’m sure whatever you got in mind will be fine, this whole situation is already weird.” “You looked sort of… like a kid staring at his favorite meal. Goofy, cute even but at the same time sort of desperate.” He stood there staring in awe at the way your laugher chasing away the stickiness of summer, washing the slick layer of sweat right of his smooth tan skin with its freshness. Yet with each passing second, the pout that had plagued his dream slowly flooding back onto the cherry red lips he so desperately trying to ogle at. “Do you just like to stare, or do I look … odd?” “Y-yes” “Yes? What?” The way your eyes widen in panic was too much for him to handle, and it nearly, nearly made him lost track of the fact that he had just accidentally insulted you. “NO! NO! I mean…Yes, but not like that.” “Huh? Wait so do I look weird or not?” A long-winded sigh ripping away from his chapped lips, bunny teeth mauling at the frayed skin with all the viciousness of frustration rising high. “I’m not very good at this if, if you haven’t figured it out by now.” “I kind of got the hint.” You spoke so gently, almost teasing, which under any other circumstances he’d have flipped. Yet at the moment he was glad it was amusing you in some way that Bobby was such a flustering mess. Just the fact that his total embarrassment of a creep could serve to lighten your mood in turn put him at ease. “You’re, you’re fine. I’m a mess.” Shuffling awkwardly, Bobby was now one person closer to the sweet taste of a refreshing cone of ice cream, but he no longer cared. “I’m Bobby. Can I buy your ice cream to apologize?” Who would think a piece of memory so fresh in his mind was one of nearly 10 years ago… 10 wonderful years of joy and heartbreak, of memories warming to the heart yet simultaneously searing every bit of his skin with hot pain. Time with you was truly a journey. You both grew so much and matured with each tick of the clock, carving out a little niche of your own in this busy world and although not big, it was nice enough to settled into, for him to see a future with you. He had thought this was it, the relationship to end his life as a bachelor, the one that will seal away his parents worry of him living much too far away for their love to reach, to banish the fear of just how lonely he might be despite that bunny smile and his strange endearing chuckle doing their best to convince them otherwise. In the end it was a fairytale that was too good to be true. He got a taste of heaven, a little piece of paradise and even if life wasn’t always peaches and cream, deep down he always knew it would all be alright for as long as you both got each other. Then the news of your promotion came crashing down like that first raindrop amidst a beautiful sunny day. It was small, unexpected of course, and neither of you really truly grasped the impact to follow that tiny raindrop just as anyone would brush off the chance of rain on a sunny clear day. No one was happier for your success than Bobby knowing just how hard you worked, how much hours you grinded out, and the toll all those late nights took. He too knew what a promotion meant but who was he to put a dampen towel on your joy of reaping the reward from a long awaited and well-deserved climb in the vicious ladder of business. So, he rewarded you the only way he knew how, pampering and spoiling you for days on end… Well, four days to be exact because that was about the only amount of time off either of you could get approved. You were very much happy, pure adrenaline coursing through your veins blinded you from truly understanding what this all meant but Bobby didn’t mind. In fact, he really loved how pure you are with your emotions and everything in life but deep down, just the tiniest part of himself wallows in sadness and resentment. How could you not see the suffering he was going through despite the bright smile plastered across his lips. In no way was his happiness insincere, but at the end of it all, “we” and “us” was soon to be just “you” and “I”. In the end, he just wanted a simple life without the deadline of an imminent ending hanging over his heart. Sneakers squeaking to a stop, the charming awn of the past remained unchanged, adorning still the deep purple petals of the freshly bloomed chocolate vine, rich floral scent teasing at his olfactory drawing out a nostalgic smile. The ice cream shop that hosted so many dates and so many apology incentives continues to flourish despite the wilted relationship you both had left behind. For so long Bobby couldn’t bear stepping foot in the place where every table, every corner prick at a wound in his heart… Now, the tick of the clock had reduced the pain down to a bare tickle, as if finger pressing on an old bruise.  The old bell ringing out and the cashier whom he does not recognize cheers out a greeting. The sweet scent of cold treats and warmth of waffle cones being freshly made wrapping his rough body in its comforting embrace, the feeling he once felt every night but now only on the rare Sunday when Bobby is much too exhausted to leave the bed; So he let himself curls up in the now unnecessary giant blanket, toasting away under the risen sun. Browsing back and forth, Bobby lets his eyes feast on the colorful array of sweet, noting the many addition of flavors and for reason unknown, he prays your favorite remained. Another good minute before his eyes settle on the gentle pink blush hiding away in the corner, no longer the center of the attention as it once was but same as always. “Could I get a medium half guava, half triple chocolate please.” He smiles at the very patient worker, thankful she let him have his time and very much missing her giddy, demure smile or the fact that she was piling on much more ice cream than Bobby had paid for. Seat chosen and ice cream snugly within his palm, Bobby settles by a corner with the full view of the entire shop (much to the disappointment of the cute worker once she realized the handsome, yet oblivious customer is completely out of her eyesight). Barely a touch of the ice-cold treat on his tongue and he was reminded of how much he despised this flavor, still despises the pink goop you seemed to never gotten enough of. Mixing in with the chocolate? Good God what had you done with your poor taste buds. However, in the midst of the protest his body was so keen to put up against the strange floral taste of the guava and the rich punches of the decadent chocolate, there you were. Hair just as soft and shiny as always but it had been the gorgeous shade of rose gold you sported after losing to a dare. That retro Star Wars tee, a bit faded, a bit stained, and definitely sporting a few holes but nevertheless a favorite of yours. He wouldn’t misplace it anywhere. Your eyes were kinder, smile a bit brighter, the most radiant he had seen in years. You were the you he had met, the girl he had fell so hard for despite not understanding what had gone off in your head to order such a horrendous combo of ice cream flavors. And perhaps has it not for the lingering after taste of your strange choice of ice cream, Bobby would’ve wave back at the figment of you lingering about the doorway, a grin truly from ear to ear as you wave at him at the speed of light. Bobby sighs a soft smile, dazzling the worker who was unnecessarily sweeping the same spot for the 3rd time. He couldn’t believe it had been a near 8 years since the real non-platonic first date. The nervousness, the butterfly, quite honestly just as rambunctious as ever… or it’s the 5th bite of the mess of brown and pink still chilling his hand with its coldness. No, it got to be you, still vivid in the movie playing for one as Bobby soaks in the comfort you brought to his life. He didn’t believe it, the whole deal of one person could alter his life, change his perspective of the world the way countless romantic movies so dramatically play out. Then you waltzed in and flipped his whole world upside down. From the first moment he laid eyes upon you in the busy station to the miraculous reunion just a few feet away from where he seats now, even till the end, you remained the unpredictable force to be reckon with. As with all things in life, the little movie reel of your very first official date was soon over as the chime of the old bell rings out once more forewarning the incoming of new customers. Bobby shakes his head in disbelief still, how could it have been a full 3 years since he had said his goodbye to your adorable face, watched helplessly as your cheeks rosy and nose flared with the strange sound of your sobbing. The disgusting pool of dusty pink ripples as the clear pearl of lost love disturbing its serene surface reminding Bobby of just where he is. Sniffling and a bit flush, he hopes no one had noticed as he gets up to toss his ticket to memory lane, debating whether or not it’s time for another cup of ice cream, one he will enjoy this time. Without even commanding them to, his feet once more carry him toward the colorful display of ice cream, eyes searching through for potential victims for his second round of self-pity. Yet just as he begins voicing his final choice of dark chocolate orange with extra whipped cream, another voice rings out mere seconds before his. Being the gentleman he is, and also not in much of a mood to argue over who was first, Bobby apologizes without sparing a glance, eyes still keeping a close watch on the pan of delicious dark brown ice cream dotted with a few orange zest as if any second now it could grow legs and run off. “Could I please get a medium half guava, half chocolate please!” Cold sweat breaking and heart feeling much like he had just done a marathon, Bobby paralyzes with hope and fear. That voice… That order… Couldn’t be. “Wow, I’ve never had anyone order this combination before but today, twice in only an hour!” The cheery tone of the worker reminds Bobby that he was very much still in the ice cream shop, and this very much still is reality. “What?” Even with all the confusion plaguing the soft voice, he couldn’t misplace it anywhere… It can’t be. Only then did his eyes abandon his prize of classically complementing flavors for a peek at the owner of the sweet voice that was bringing him back to the past. Has it not for the hand bracing against the cold glass surface, Bobby would’ve drop right onto the floor, right there in front of everyone because he has just seen a ghost. You’re definitely real because he had just heard your interaction with the worker just now yet for reason unknown, his mind couldn’t get itself to process the sight beholding. “Bobb? You alright?” “Y-Yea.” He stutters, feeling stupid for staring, and feeling stupid for his jaws that had just dropped onto the floor because by God, you’re stunning. “Hi.” Stupid, so stupid, after all this time, after all the things left unsaid, all he could mutter was a stupid “hi”. Then again, is there really any right thing to say to the subject of his unresolved love, the woman of his dream, the one that got away, the ending neither of you deserved. And so he did what he does best, stares. He stares at you for what seemed like eternity and the whole world simply melts away into a massive shapeless blob of stars and moons and that wondrous feeling of first love. For a moment it was Shibuya, it was the train station, it was being 18 and knowing nothing of love, it was this exact place 10 years ago once more. For a moment it was all the moments you both shared for the 5 wonderful years he got to be with you and every single second thereafter of lost love, every single second condensed into one big explosion of nostalgia, feeling unresolved, and words unspoken. “Did you order my usual?” Your voice seemingly playful after what felt to him like an eternity gone by twice and suddenly, he wonders, did you feel the same? “Yea… wanted to see if I still hate it.” “Well?” “I still hate it.” Laughter, it has always been one of those things that Bobby swears on his life he’d always remember. He might’ve forgotten that favorite dress of yours or the strange way you eat ssam but the way you laugh, how you seemingly looking as though your head had snapped right off your neck bending backward in laughter. Or how bright your eyes shine even though they crescent away when you heave out a hearty laugh. Well… Bobby was sure he remembers it clearly until now. The sound you make, the way your head tilt back, it was all the same yet so distant, so unfamiliar and that scares him. How could something so simple, as simple as laughter instills so much fear into his heart. You were once the person he could simply call up just because without any reason whatsoever or simply because he was bored and needing human interaction, affection. If anyone in this world had been so unfortunate to know what true loneliness is, they would understand just how significant that is as ridiculous as it sounds… The blessing of having someone at the receiving end of “I’m bored, can we do something” even if that only results limbs entangled on the couch staring at the ceiling. Popularity is a double edge blade, that was a fact Bobby never knew until he met you. Never was he unpopular, charming and in possession of a smile that could melt the roughest heart, he was never alone. Yet there was always something missing, in the blur amidst the high of a rager or that second of quietness after a big laugh was shared, an emptiness drowned his heart in inexplicable sadness. A sorrow he was never quite equipped enough to figure out on his own, one he wallowed in after the music faded and goodbye long said. Nights after restless nights, Bobby thought of the fun he had and just how much of a world different it made only a few hours had gone by as he laid all on his lonesome pondering what it was, he’s missing from his life. He ate dinner alone most night, wake up alone… Well, save for a few mornings he managed to land a quick “date”. As he swallowed hard a cold bite of leftover on a random Thursday night, suddenly, his endless contact list seemed meaningless. That all changed the moment your sunshine liked smile entered his life, shooing away the darkest of thought with its pure intensity. Suddenly there was someone on the other end of the line at 3AM when his mind needed a philosophical outlet, or even just an ice cream date. You were always there no matter how trivial his request might be, no question asked and never once expressing grievance. You were a shoulder to cry on, a partner in crime, a protector, and a therapist. You were all and so much more but most of all, you were acceptance. No longer did he has to question himself, to hold back, or to be embarrass because of the opinion of others, with you… He’s truly himself. As the sad reminders of a past no longer obtainable slowly breaking down every bit of his facade, there’s one little piece of information that’s undeniably true, unbearably certain and, had been once more reaffirmed in his bleeding heart.   He still loves you desperately. Despite everything that happened, there’s no one else but you. There was no helping the knotting of his stomach and the stuttering that’s unquestionably worse than ever as he stumbles his way through the whole conversation like a bumbling idiot. Although, that in itself isn’t anything strange for he had always been a bumbling idiot whenever you were near, a bumbling idiot mesmerized by your radiant. “Still doing nonsense things I see. When will you learn that guava is not your jam.” “Yea, well maybe your taste in ice cream is just that preposterous. After all this time, I still can’t wrap my head around it. Plus, someone gotta keep buy it or else they’d just get rid of the flavor.” He bites out shyly, only when you had reached for your own cup that he realized the worker had been staring at him for ages. “Oh, sorry, small dark chocolate orange please!” He gave her the brightest smile he could, incentive for wasting so much of her time in the short hour, still completely missing the fact that she would give her life for him to live in the shop. As he stood there rocking back and forth, Bobby glances perhaps not so inconspicuously at the delight spreading through your features as you took the first bite. Sighing contently no doubt in heaven of satisfying the craving of your weird ice cream combination. Although that didn’t stop him from secretly wishing, that contentment was because you were once more by his side. “Are you busy?” You ask casually, as if the both of you were friends, as if you just saw him the week before. “Nope, I’ve been here for like an hour.” He chuckles awkwardly and for a split second, he could see fireworks behind those beautiful eyes as your feature light up in nostalgia. Yet just as fast as it had appeared, the sparks vanish instantly, leaving behind a dark void of reservations. “Ah… Well, I was thinking, if you know, not doing anything…” You stammer on, hand digging a literal pit in your ice cream cup and Bobby thought it was the most adorable thing in the world. Somehow after all these years, after he had given his entire heart to you, you were still nervous around him. “Let’s grab dinner!” He said with utmost excitement before the vibrancy in his voice drones out to something timid, as if fearing crossing the line. “If you’re up for it, of course.”  Always your knight in shining armor, Bobby pulls you from the pit you’ve dug for yourself, leaving you nodding like an idiot. Much to the sadness of the worker, you both wave goodbye as he walks you into the night, leaving behind the ghosts of the past and the happiness of the old times he had held on for as long as he could, doing his best to engrains every little detail to memory. Yet with you right beside him, somehow that seems wrong… And truth be told, that hurts. Even though the walk back to your car a mere 30 seconds, Bobby couldn’t help but hate the silent that was shared between your awkward bodies, hoping that you hate it too. Not that either of you were stranger to silent. It was something inevitable, something of a companion for couples who are lucky enough to share as much time together as you two did. It was the comforting silent of Sunday morning spent cuddling under the blanket, eyes closed yet the both of you were fully aware of the warmth of bodies and soothing rhythm of the rain tickling the windows. It was the content silent shared when you dragged your pillow and blanket into his office, made yourself a bed out of his couch with your nose deep in your book because he had to work late. It was the bitter silent of staring at each other in anger, eyes redden and tears scorching your cheeks, but pride get in the way of giving in. Then it was the silent of regret, silent of wanting nothing more but to dive into each other arms as anger passed and all that was left was your hearts aching to be together once more. This silent, this ridiculously awkward silent of uncertainties, of fearing to cross boundaries, it was something he never felt around you and he hates every damn second of it. “Did you drive by any chance?” You ask and suddenly very aware of the scowl worn on his lips as he stares into the night. A twinge of sadness breaks your heart at the realization that you can no longer be the person to sooth his sadness, calm his anger… And he no longer yours. “No, uh, I took a long walk here.” He replies with a smile, but you know deep down, his soul suffering and regret fills your heart. “We can ride together…” You half suggest, half really just want to know where you stand in his heart or if you even still have a place in his heart. “I tried to go to dinner the other night and, did you know that bbq place we went to so much? It’s gone!” You exclaim in disappointment, flapping your arms about just to ease the tension, although you were sure nothing could. “I was so disappointed.” “They moved a couple months back, we can go if you still want it. I know where they move to.” “Please and thank you.” You put on the best smile for him, already handing over your keys and feel the wind of the past blowing over the empty lot. As you take in a big breath of the slightly cold breeze of the night, you recount the thousand times he had taken the driver seat. Bobby had always looked so good with one hand on the wheel and the other on you, holding your hand or gently placing upon your thigh, it didn’t matter. He’d bobbed his head slowly to the beat vibrating the speakers, looking enticingly handsome focusing on the road ahead. Sometimes there’d be laughter, other times just silent as you did your best to impress your musically inclined boyfriend with your new playlist. He always looks amazing. Not much had changed as you hop into the passenger seat, waiting as Bobby changes the driver seat position before the journey began. The first few minutes felt like hours. The silent between you both were deafening, drowns out even the heavy bass of the song thumping out from the radio. You saw it, the way his right hand near out of sheer instinct reaching toward you, svelte fingers inching closer before the weight of reality settles in. There was no denying that part of you had wished he had let his heart finish what it started, to grab your hand and hold it just as he had for so long. There was no denying also, the depth your heart had dropped realizing Bobby has switches to driving with his right hand, the left leaning against the windowsill, no doubt a precaution for any future accidental touches. Painfully, you reach toward the knob on the radio and turn it a bit louder, filling the confine space with pointless noises. Thankfully the rest of the drive, all 15 excruciating minutes of it went on without a hitch. You resorted to staring out the window and drinking in the familiar sights, Bobby focused on the road before him. Part of you were disappointed that the owners of the restaurant wasn’t there, you’d love to see them and how the time had changed. Yet another part of you, strangely delighted that the long-winded explanation of the who broke up and where things left off were avoided. God knows what kind of ugliness this dinner will dredge up between you and Bobby, no need for someone of your happier past to complicate things. By the way Bobby glances back and forth before settling in with a sigh of perhaps relief, you ponder a guess that he feels the same. “Wow, everything is strangely familiar but at the same time, so different.” You gasp out without much thinking, far too enthrall in the way the menu remained exactly the way you had remembered it. “Yea, strange.” Bobby sighs softly, there was no helping the bitterness pulling his lips into a forced smile. The way his voice echoes out so drab against the exhilaration of the busy restaurant full of smoke and clinking of shot glasses, it was like he had taken a knife to your heart. You lean backward to look for the waiter, purposely hiding the frown playing on your lips at the realization of how incredibly on the nose and insensitive your statement had been. “How’ve you been?” Bobby asked absentmindedly as he tosses a few pieces of meat onto the smoking grill. “As well as can be, I guess…” Your answer catches his attention as the man before you abandon his surveillance of the sizzling meat to steal a glance at your dull features. The way his eyes scrutinizing every bit of your face, no doubt thousands of follow-up questions threatening to spill but he keeps silent, returning his attention back to the seared meat. “You?” “Same old, you know.” “Yea.” The word tumbles from your lips like the worst lie ever told. You and him both know “same old” isn’t exactly the phrase to describe the current state of reality, yet neither really brave enough to open that can of worm. The silent to follow that little exchange was far worse than anything you’ve experienced in this world. Awkward was slowly losing meaning as it treads territory of unpleasantness. As you quietly stuff another wrap into your mouth, you wonder if Bobby regrets this, regrets inviting you to dinner because you sure aren’t. As painful as it was to sit silently beside the man your heart desire and soul craving companionship for years now, you love every second of it. Who knows when would be the next time you’ll have the pleasure of being so close, you could make up the soft scent of his cologne even over the overwhelming stench of alcohol and delectable wisps of grilled-meat. In the end, you found out he had since move from that old apartment you both shared for so long. Make sense honestly, for who could bear being in the place where happiness was slowly turning into ashes. Certainly not you. No longer was he the lowly cubicle dweller but now a supervisor with his own fancy office and fancy car. Talk of work seems to get Bobby going as the faintest trace of a genuine smile graces his lips. You miss this. Honestly couldn’t recall the last time you had a real, honest talk with anyone, let alone someone that could understand you so. You let him onto the big project that had brought you home, and even though it’s only for a few months, you want to make the best time of it. And as that sentence left your lips, you could see it, there just at the tip of his tongue the words Bobby was trying so hard to bite back. You knew he thought of it, thought of rekindling the connection that had been left in the dust between you and him… You knew because you thought of it too. How could this place be the best when he’s not in it and as much as you’d like to be the one to raise the topic, it was best left for him to decide. As the scent of smoke and alcohol engrained into every fiber of your clothes and hair slowly dissipate into the air of the cold night, you found yourself sauntering beside his tall stature. A few steps behind simply because you wanted a few seconds to yourself, a few seconds to really look at the man that was once yours even if it was only the back of his head and the span of his broad shoulders. You both had been walking down memory lanes, a careful dance about the best of memories and the people of the past, avoiding the sour topics of the last few months spent together. “My brother just had a baby!” Bobby exclaims, delight graces his features and you’re left completely mesmerize by the handsome smile, even if it wasn’t really because of you. “Oh, that’s so great! Tell him congratulation, and your parents too. They must be over the moon.” You miss them was what you wanted to end that sentence with but decided in the end it’s best not to. “I will. They are, I am too. Though, I’m still scare of dropping the little one.” He gushes, already pulling his phone out to show you the endless pictures of the little tyke. “So handsome.” You sigh gently, adoring the little baby even if it was just a picture. “Of course, he is! Have you seen his uncle?” a teasing smirk blossoms on those beautiful lips as Bobby wiggles his eyebrows, holding a picture of the little one far too zoom in right next to his own face and for a split second, you have your Bobby. Not the solemn, silent Bobby of the drive to the restaurant, not the shocked and speechless Bobby when he first laid eyes on you. For a split second, he was your Bobby. “Oh, is that so? I think his dad got more to do with him being handsome than his uncle, don’t you think?” You jest with a slap to his arm, something that was once so normal considering you and him, best friends turned lovers. Yet his smile drops, an awkward chuckle replaces the bright sunshine previously beaming from his feature. It hurts, it hurts so bad because this was a reality you thought you had dealt with. Yet nothing prepared you for the raw reaction, the raw pain of the quaint touches that was now anything but. Silent befell over the souls wandering the night under the bare bone of greenery in winter. You listen to the leaves crunching under your feet, pulling your jacket higher as the mischievous tickling of a breeze brushes against your hair. Bobby again a few steps ahead of yourself as he stares longingly at the bright moon above, the same one that had always been there through the thick and thin of your relationship. Still here to witness the strangers-again walking through the night. You wonder if it cried for you, and for your relationship. “Did you ever think about the what-ifs?” Bobby was first to succumb to the pain of silent, yet the perhaps the question he had just asked was far more painful than anything else this failed relationship had brought. “Of course, I have.” The answer rushes from your lips at light speed, nearly in disbelief that there was a part of him that thought you didn’t. “How could I not?” your steps halt as you watch on in incredulity, heart racing and a tear already pricking at the corners of your eyes recalling the days to follow and all the times you wanted to abandon it all to be with him. You know exactly where this was heading but at this point, was there any benefit to holding back the words, suppressing the anguish of love lost? “Hm… I think about it often, ‘bout you.” A solid minute of deafening silent went by before he finally speaks up, stopping on his track too before turning back to face you. He got his hands in his pockets, lips pursing under an undecipherable expression though the pain was far from well hidden. “I still think about everything… I mean, it’s been years but. I can’t help it.” The weight heavy on your heart the moment your eyes skimmed over the destination of your business trip finally exploded, etching and cutting into your scarred heart. The words you wanted to say to him, the words you had forced yourself to push aside in an attempt to live a normal life, it came rushing in the moment you read the name of the city that destiny would lead you back to. The person your heart both desires for and knows would only lead it down the path of relapsing into the mere shell of a person the days following the breakup… it had been heavy and now, it aches. “I thought that suppressing you from my memory would help but it was all the same. I was devastated every waking second, in all my dreams and nightmares.” Bobby muses but there was something far beyond the emptiness of his eyes, glossing over with an emotion you couldn’t decipher and that scares you. It rattles all your cages and there was no helping the ugly thoughts coming. “We both were, Bobby. I mean, you say it as if I wasn’t there… As if I wasn’t the other half of the relationship.” Beneath the sorrow, beneath the pain of the part of your heart you thought was dead resurrected by the man you love, anger simmering. His tone, the words he had chosen… how could he… “Were you?” There was nothing, nothing about the man looming before you that could mirror even a fraction of the emotion surging through your body… Well, nearly nothing. The way his jaws clenching so tightly and the kindness formerly tugging those beautiful eyes into crescents of laughter vanishing at a rate that left your heart dizzy… He’s angry. Anger wasn’t something you knew of Bobby. Frustration, maybe. After all, you weren’t a walk in the park to be with so there were times minor disagreements would surface. Yet anger wasn’t an emotion you knew he could possess, not toward you. He had gotten angry at the guy who was far too handsy with you at his high school reunion, and the time when you ran to him in panic at a club because some creep never learned the meaning of “no”… Never with you. “Are you seriously questioning my feeling right now?” You too were teetering on the blade of anger. “Have you forgotten those nights, those weeks before everything ended?” Your voice raising without needing for you to tell it to, the disbelief in your heart overdrive every other function in your shivering body. Had he in all the years of loneliness forgotten just how much you had loved him… still love him. You’ve considered all the options, not taking the job, passing up the promotion, quitting, switching career, all of it. You considered it all and there was always one ending, the enticing thought of a future with Bobby. You were ready to make peace with your decision but in the end, it was Bobby who had held your hand and told you it was okay. You cried and you fought but ultimately, he was your weakness. He ensured that no guilt would plague you as you made the final decision of leaving. “No, I remember it clearly.” That sentence, Bobby had dreamt about it endlessly, of finally confronting you of your lies… How satisfying it would be to finally have his last laugh… So why, why does it hurt so much now that it had finally took its first breath of reality… Why does it kill him so watching the tears streaming down the rosy skin of your cheeks, the way your features had contorted into anguish? “I remember it because I was the one who told you to leave. I was the one who had to packed up our home and all the memories it held.” The way he bites out “our”, love was definitely not the driving force behind it. “Have you gone mad?” Your words nearly as feeble as the breaths you’re heaving. Neither anger or guilt were present on your face but rather complete and utter disbelief “If you knew all that, then how could you question my pain. I ripped half of me, my entire heart out when I left this place.” And for a second it confuses him, the part, the largest part of him that had loved you so dearly begins to doubt the truth he had held on for so long. “No, not at all. I’m completely sane and sober” But hell hath no fury like a betrayed man. “I can’t believe I’m doing this. I can’t believe you’re making me spell out every. Single. Thing.” “Please, because I have no clue what you’re even going on about.” Exasperation and disappointment of being question, of having your heart on trial finally reaching an unprecedented height. Hands carding roughly through your wind-blown locks before harshly wiping away the tears falling uncontrollably. A part of Bobby cowers seeing the red rashes scratched onto the smooth skin of your cheeks from the sleeves of your sweater painfully soaking away your tears. He would never wish harm onto you, even if you were the one doing it, especially if you were the one doing it. Needless to say, the protective part of him wants so badly to pull your hand into his, to cradle your cheeks and press healing kisses onto them but this mess, he started this. Yet the irrational side of him have had enough, far past the emotional limit a person could handle. “I ran into your boyfriend. Yea, the guy you said was nothing more than a co-worker.” He sneers and you could feel your blood runs cold. The disdain, the disgust in the dagger like glare burning your skin left your knees weak in the worst way possible. “Can’t believe I bought it. You know, I was actually glad I ran into him at first. Hearing how happy you were with your new job and already, just few months in, you were already on the fast track to a big promotion.” “Bobby…” You whisper his name, hoping it still hold the magic it once did, but the meek reality is far from the distant vibrant memories. “No, no, no. You don’t get to be all puppy dog eyes and pretend like it never happened.” He scoffs at you and perhaps it hurts more than it should have. “And then, so casually, he told me that you two were together, living together in fact.” “No, Bobby. You don’t understand. It’s all a big misunders-“ “No! Big misunderstanding? Falling in love, moving in together, fucking someone else all in the short months span since our breakup. You call that a misunderstanding? Please, Y/n. Am I that much of a joke to you?” He grunted out the painful sentence and it left you breathless, your lungs could barely keep up with the tears let along the bombs he drops on you. There was no other reaction but silently cry as Bobby continues his tirade. “I gave up my happiness, my entire life so you wouldn’t have to. And the big thank I got was you fucking the guy you said was nothing more than a good friend. You must love me so much that you couldn’t wait to let the next guy you see fuck all the memories of me out of your goddamn brain… All the while I was living like a goddamn zombie. All alone, every waking minute, every second of sleep consumed by the thought of you.” Exasperation begins to wear down on Bobby as he pants heavily, eyes still tearing your body apart with years of anger all pent up in his feeble heart. “Was it all a lie? The last few months of our relationship, it was… Wasn’t it? Because if I were to believe, to hold on to the last shred of the you I fell in love with… You wouldn’t forget me in just a mere few months.” You contemplate the next few words very carefully, taking all the moments, all the deceits leading up to this point into consideration. Life had never been fair, but nothing could contest against the spitefulness of the grand scale of things this very second. It had dealt you a hand that you wish surprise was what you’re feeling, but alas, you’ve always knew this was a possibility the second you spun your web of lies. You understand full well the implication Bobby had just brought to light, but there was nothing left to say. “I don’t think my words matter much to you this second.” You breathe through your sob. “Maybe in a few weeks, a few months it will. Or it might never will be…” the thought of never being anything meaningful to Bobby ever again, that was a pain you thought never will you have to experience. But in the end, this big tumultuous ride of a relationship had already thrown everything else at you and the end is nigh. “So, I won’t stand here and make some big excuses because I think I’ve done enough.” That was all you could let out, all the though your brain could form before it shut down in a muddle mess. Your heart aches far worse than all the pain it had ever been through combine and you didn’t know what to do to soothe it. The small glimpses your vision clear enough to allow you to steal a glance at the man you love but just destroyed, Bobby isn’t doing much better. Body dropping onto the cold stone pavement of the path, he got his head cradling in between his arms and silently, his body shakes with tears and the reality that was settling in far too fast. The thought of you cheating on him wasn’t one he wanted to be acquaintance with or even one he had formulated before the run in with your boyfriend. Yet the happiness of knowing you had moved on diminished fast as the logical side of himself began calculating the time and the disbelief of his heart that you would forgotten about him already in the short time apart. Soon the sound of sniffles and painful sobs was nothing more but distant echo of the night as you both settle into the present. This is it for the wonderful friendship, the by-chance love that had bloomed between two young souls doing their best surviving the rush of life together. You stare at him with all the love you still have coursing through your blood and he, at you as if a distant memory he was ready to let go. Nothing was said but the drumming of your headache burst through, drowning out everything in front of you. “I’ll drive you home.” He whispers impassively, eyes blank as he scans the features of your face. Were you always so sad? Have your eyes always been so sunken with pain and your skin so pale? The Bobby of the past still clinging on, caring yet he knows his time was ending. So, for one last time, he’ll care, just for tonight. “You’re in no condition to drive.” “No, I’m okay.” “Y/n, just please. For once, don’t fight me. I don’t care how things ended up between us, I’ll never forgive myself if something happens to you.” You silently shadow the footstep of the man you no longer have the right to smile at. After tonight, you and he will be nothing more but strangers again, just as you were that fateful night at the train station. After tonight, you’ll have to respect his wishes and pretend as if life hadn’t given you the best years anyone could ever hope for. Once more the same moon as all the days before watches over as your life stream splits into two. You wonder if it too, is sad for the tragic love story.

It has been a month since he last saw you, a month since he accused you of the worst things a man could accuse the woman he loves. He crossed all the lines and all the boundaries that night and it left him an empty shell of the man he once was. After all these years, after all the pain had been dealt with, there was still a bit of hope, the last thread of a beautiful relationship connecting his life to yours. Yet in one moment of delirium, he crumbled all the effort of all the years before because he was bitter. It broke his heart, the way pain washed over your beautiful features as the accusation that had torn so many relationships apart left his lips. He left you so speechless, you stood there and took his abuse silently, clutching your heart. In the moment when sleep evaded him, all he could think about was the horrible things he had said and your nearly lifeless body as he dropped you off that night… He has turned into the monster he promised himself to never be. Somehow all the pain seems so much worse tonight as he lays awake in bed, hours away from his birthday, another birthday alone… Truly alone for he had burned all the bridges that could potentially lead him back to you. Eyes studying the world just beyond his little window as his mind drifts to you, Bobby wonders if your project was going well and if you were leaving soon. He had thought of calling you, of course, but how could he after saying such horrendous things without even granting you the small wish of explaining everything. Did you realize that night that his phone’s background was still a picture of you? That thought warms his heart for a second before the logical side of himself butts in, reminding bobby once more that you probably don’t care, not anymore at least since he had taken all the precious time you’ve both had and ripped it all to unsalvageable shreds. Yet perhaps his heart knows best after all as that ringtone, the one he has always associated with sunshine and happiness, like an omen echoing through the darkness of his room. Bobby didn’t believe it at first, staring at it blankly before the third ring reminding him that you could hang up any second now. He scrambles to his feet, hastily picking up the phone and nearly dropping it. “Hello? Y/n?” Bobby huffs out impatiently, needing to hear your voice even if there was a slight chance you had called to yell at him. “Uhm, are you the boyfriend of the owner of this phone?” A gruff male voice spills from the speaker sending fear to his heart. Jaws tighten and fist clenches tightly, he grunts out a rough yes, nevermind the fact that it was a blatant lie. “Could you come pick up your girlfriend. She been here for hours and I don’t think she should drink anymore.” The voice speaks up hesitantly, growing distant as if the guy was glancing away to check something, someone. “I don’t understand, what happened?” Bobby questions, already grabbing his jacket and keys, on his way even though he has no clue where you were. “Your girlfriend, she came in, had a few too many drinks, and would not stop talking about her amazing boyfriend… Well, you, I guess. Then she cried for a bit and said she was going to call her boyfriend but passed out before the line even start ringing.” The bartender explains, sighing a bit, no doubt done with your antic. “If you don’t mind, please come pick her up. I don’t want to send her home on her own. Le Lune, do you need direction?” “No, I know exactly where. Thank you.” If his heart beats any faster, Bobby suspects that his blood vessels would burst. Worries and dreadfulness engulf his body as he speeds through the empty night, anxious to see you, anxious to know you’re okay. His fingers tap frantically as his car tears through the night toward the place that holds his entire life. As he bursts into the nearly empty bar, a few eyes glare his way vexingly, loud slam of the door had disrupted their night cap and meaningless conversations. Bobby glances about, looking for that familiar figure before a young man wave frantically, calling him over. “Bobby, I assume.” Holding up a phone in front of him, the bartender glances up then back at the screen with a satisfying nod of his head. “Picture checks out. Here you go.” He hands back the phone to Bobby, screen still illuminated, and the background, it sends a pang to his heart. It was him, smiling bright, exuding all the happiness of a man at the height of his love. And for a moment, time stood still. He thinks about you going about in your daily life… His face being the first thing you see in the morning and the last thing you see at night. He’s there when you check whether it was time for lunch or time for homecoming. You’ve managed to keep that part of the old life the same despite everything being torn apart and the foundation of your relationship crumbling into nothingness.  But now was no time to be sentimental for a much more pressing issue was at hands. “Yes, we spoke on the phone. Where is she?” His voice frantic, panic wrecking his entire being. He thought there was nothing worse than watching you walk away but this, knowing that you were all alone… There is nothing in his short life thus far that scare him so.   “I left her on the booth over there, didn’t want her to hurt herself falling over the stool.” Sighing a few thanks, Bobby closes up your tab and left a hefty tip to a very delighted bartender before making his way toward the booth in the far end corner where his sleeping beauty awaits. Leaning back against the red velvet plush of the back rest, your eyes tightly shut and hair a bit dishevel but he swears, you were still so beautiful. Blur streaks of mascara smearing down the soft skin of your cheeks, still so redden and hot, your chest rises and falls gently as a soft snore emanating through the near empty bar. The breath he had been holding ever since the voice of the bartender reached his ears finally dislodge itself from his throat at the sight of you so peacefully snoozing away. Bobby sighs heavily as his eyes scan to your bare shoulders, dress far too thin to shield you from the harshness of the world. “Sweetie, let’s go home.” He whispers softly against your temple where he had just placed a thankful kiss. Though he knew that kiss was crossing every lines and boundaries, there was no helping the natural reaction bursting out of the man who for the past hour had been so uncertain of the safety of his love. He’s thankful, so thankful that insomnia had been so gracefully blessing him with another restless night, thankful for the bartender, and thankful for you. In your most drunken stupor, he was still on your mind and that, just that small thought of you still valuing his pathetic self enough to call him up… Well, it eases his heart and soul in ways unimaginable. “Bobby…” You groan sleepily, despite the stench of alcohol seeping through your every pore, there was no denying how adorable the way you mew his name. Fingers rubbing at your drowsy eyes, you peers through the clumpy curtain of the mascara that was now mostly staining your cheeks than shielding your lashes. Blinking a few times, a smile blooms on your lips at the familiar face and endearing scent, your head instinctively nudges closer into the crook of his neck, stealing all the warmth the man got to offer. “Yea… Sweetheart?” He tests the water, considering holding back the pet name that was only ever meant for you. Yet just as everything else had when you’re around, it was near involuntary. “I love you.” You mewl out a softly amidst a small giggle before diving into his arms. “Can we go home?” Now, Bobby knows full well this was nothing but a drunken sleep talk but that sentence, home, it lights his heart on fire. He was always the one that’d get drunk, coming home laughing and diving into your arms. This was something new, something so different that despite everything else that was happening, deep down a blissfulness spreading through his body. Your head lulling gently, falling right into his chest as your soft snores continue to echo through the darken parking lot. He places you gently into the passenger seat, buckling you up before placing yet another kiss to your forehead. The steady pace his heart had regained finally seeing you safe and sound was once more beating erratically as the moonlight, dirtying by a bit of the neon sign of the bar seemingly adding to the ethereal glow of your beauty. Your lips so soft, cherry red and plump enticing his soul to its own perdition. Just as easily as breathing, he could effortlessly steal a kiss this very moment and you wouldn’t even care nor have any knowledge of it the next day. Yet as much as he wanted that, Bobby knows it means nothing and mess up beyond anything he had done up to this point if you don’t kiss him back, if you don’t want him. So, he brushes a bit of hair tickling your nose out of the way before shutting the door and begins the journey back home. So strange the way you feel so familiar, so right in his arms yet the world revolving around you, the very nature of your relationship is anything but that. No longer was he the companionship to your night out nor could he provide the care he once did on the rare occasion you’d drink past the point of clarity. As he gently places you into the comforting embrace of his bed, a twinge of pain thumps at his heart before electrifying through the entirety of his being. If this was the you and him of the past, Bobby would already be changing you into the comfort of your PJ, knowing just how much you despise bra and all that it stands for, nothing worse than sleeping in a bra, you used to say. Gently, though drunk you has the sleep capability of Snorlax, Bobby still took great care to not disturb your sleep as he delicately worked his way to wipe away your makeup, remembering how pimply you’d get after just one night of forgoing makeup removal. Although he never thought there was anything wrong with it, and that you were just as beautiful as ever even with a few new red friends on our cheeks, he hated seeing you pouting especially over something so trivial. But this is now, and this is the you and him of the present… There’s no “us” and there’s nothing to tie your life streams together other than a few good memories and a ocean of pain. As you roll to your side and snugging closer to the overwhelming scent of home and comfort, a tear burns down his cheek. Bobby watches on helpless because he had crossed far too many lines tonight… And no longer did he have the right. So, he did what little he could, brushing your hair gently away before placing a pillow under your head. He wraps you up in a big cocoon of blankets, situating himself beside your peaceful self just for a second, lingering. He wonders how much different life would be had you stay, had he gone after you… Maybe you’d be his wife, maybe you’d be the mother to his child, children even. Or maybe you both weren’t meant to be together and the tough time would tear you both apart regardless of who stayed and who went. There’s so much what-ifs, so many fantasies he wished you both could’ve see the ending of but alas this is the reality you’ve both chosen and there’s nothing else to do but to sleep in the bed you both have made. Pulling over the cold blanket he had just gotten out of the closet, Bobby settles himself into the couch, sleep was no more of a friend than it had been before the trek through the night toward you. Suddenly, even the distant siren beyond his living room window lost its spark as his eyes traverse toward the tightly shut bedroom door. He could see nothing beyond the white wooden door, silent and stoic in the night, hiding you away from his eyes. Yet his heart knows just beyond the threshold, warmth and comfort await, its owner awaits. Thirty minutes then come the full hour, Bobby was still staring at the cold barrier protecting his princess as his mind roams back to the wonderful days of sharing cover and warm breath tickling soft skin. The echo of each tick of the clock louder than the one before, reminding him once more of the present. His body exhausted yet his mind runs at thousand miles an hour, tracing over every single mistake he had made. The whirling of helicopter replaced by the chirping of the early birds, out and about ready for another day. He has been far too lost in the distant world his mind had made up for you and him when the loud honking of a car somewhere across the apartment complex finally break the trance your present had put Bobby in. He forces himself to turn the other way, blanket pulls over his head before his eyes forced shut hoping to find peace in the short rest till morning come. Surely the consequences of his words will greet him as the day break, so for now, he’ll take whatever sleep he can get. The very next moment consciousness graces his present, Bobby had long forgotten about your drunken confession and that he had very much braved the cold of December to rescue his princess from darkness and strangers’ gazes of the bar. Throwing the blanket that was already very much half pooling on the floor, Bobby mutters a cuss for being so careless, having once again falling asleep on the couch in the cold embrace of the mistress of winter. Drowsy and barely stable, he scratches at an invisible itch, carding his fingers through the soft brown locks before stumbling carelessly into the door of his own bedroom. The loud bang of his door swinging wildly into the wall was followed by a sound that sends shiver down his spine, far worse than the frigidity of morning cold air against his bare skin. The softest groan reaches his ears, delicate and cute as if a kitten awakening from her slumber yet instead of adoration, all he could feel was fear. The giant blanket burrito stirring on his bed drowns his being in panic, brain frantically searching for an answer, a clue as to what the hell had happened the night before. One foot than two, Bobby inches closer to the sleepy bundle, muscles flexing, ready to put up a fight to the drowsy bandit. The sight beholding the surprised man was beyond his imagination, far far beyond the fathomable realm of situations his sleepy mind was prepared for. The memories of the night before come flooding back like a broken dam after a long storm, waves thrashing his heart against the rocks of the past. The quaint touches, your love confession, everything rushes back in a matter of second and it left Bobby breathless in all the best way possible. Somehow in between the time he had left you safe and sound in the comfort of his bed and the moment he had clumsily burst through the threshold, you had managed to create a tiny nest for yourself. Bundling around your body is the hoodie he had carelessly tossed onto the ground the night before along, cradling between your cheek and your hand, the sweat-soaked fabric of his t-shirt. It brings peace to his heart knowing that after all this time, you still find comfort in clinging onto him in your drunken state. So many nights he’d toss and turn simply because you too were doing the same, stirring in your sleep, trying your best to maximize the amount of his body you could hoard for your own. He had forgotten how many nights he took for granted, tossing you a bundle of his clothes simply because he could take no longer the exhaustion, pushing you off to your side of the bed. What he’d give to get those nights back now, to cuddle up to your sleepy self and bask in the way you had taken on the scent of his cologne. He stares in awe for a moment, considering waking you yet in light of the alcohol vapor lingering about still, assaulting his nose, Bobby’s sure you’d love nothing more than a few more minutes of snoozing so he left you be. Bobby could count on one hand the amount of time he had braved the kitchen all on his own when you were still a constant in his life. 90% of those times turned out horribly and most definitely ended up with you cleaning up after his mess. Yet that was then, and this is the now of him spending most of his time alone, dining for one. Fast food and eating out sufficed for as long as it could for there’s no replacing the coziness of a homemade meal. So with burnt pots and scarred fingers, Bobby eventually learned to take care of himself even though there’s no comparison to you. A simple soup bubbling away on the stove, he debates with himself on whether or not you still like eggs. God, you must find him insane having a monologue about eggs while burning his fingers checking the sad state of his porridge pot. Deep down, a soft warmth settling in his chest thinking about the simple breakfast coming together… You, sitting beside him at the dining table. And although he knows for certain the conversation had won’t be a pleasant one, there’s no denying the little bit of joy, having a tiny bit of normalcy back into his sad daily life even if it’s just for a one morning. Far too lost amongst the cloud of steam shooing away the frost-bitten skin of his naked torso and the clanking of metal spoon against pan, Bobby misses completely the silent shuffling growing louder. “You really need to invest in a wooden spatula. Don’t you know you’re not supposed to use metal on nonstick surfaces?” Your words so gentle, all the pain of your last meeting evades. In its place nothing but the warmth he was used to, and perhaps a bit of gruff from a hangover. “Oh… Is that why half my pots and pans are useless now? Even butter sticks to it.” Your sudden entrance got the man hopping back out of shock, yet nevertheless, a shy smile already on his lips. “Yea, you should throw those out. Don’t eat the nonstick coating, it could make you sick.” Inching closer, you let the flame of the burners lulling you back to reality with its wonderful warmth, putting color back into your pale cold skin brushed with the cold of early morning. Eyes carefully going over the bubbling pot of hangover soup, sunny side up eggs, and porridge, a smile blooms on your tired lips at his effort. Good to know he was at the least taking care of himself with homemade meals. “that’s quite an impressive spread you got going there.” “I, uh, can’t take credit for the soup. I bought that.” Bobby shares a sheepish smile before rummaging to plate the egg borderlines on overcooked. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted to eat so I just kind of made both rice and porridge… Should be done soon. It’s not much but I figure it’ll be easy on your stomach. You should go wash up.” He beams at you, the brightest you’ve seen since the first time you laid eyes on the man at the ice cream shop just a month ago. “Why are you staring at me like that?” “uhm… I don’t exactly have anything here to, uh, wash up.” “Oh! Right. I’ll be back.” Tearing away from the pot one second from boiling over, Bobby nearly tumble over knocking into the couch before running back with a bundle in his arms. “Here, these are the smallest clothes I could find. I’m sure you’d be more comfortable in these than…” He eyes the small dress on your body, disheveled and stained from lord knows what yet the simple act of nodding toward your less than pristine choice of clothing soon turns into a walk down memory lane. He traces over every little mole on your skin, the soft curves of your body, down to your delicate fingers. He misses every single detail about you, your laugh, the little dance in the confinement of the passenger seat, your body. Tears brim his eyes as recent past come rushing in, giving him a dose of the lonely reality. “Uhm, here.” “Thank you.” You grab hastily the bundle thrusted into your embrace, not missing the reddening eyes and the silent sniffle. You say nothing more, knowing it’d only add to the sad reality that was you and him, making your way back to the bedroom you thought was only a dream. Any other day and the steaming water washing away the shame of the night before would be something divine, heaven sent. It would mean relief that you had survived another night spent pathetically living precariously through the illusion of the happier past that the bitterness of hard liquor had granted you access to. Yet today, it’s painful, burning every bit of your skin with the reality that you had very much damage the last bit of good remained of the girl he once loved, if there was any good left after the lies you’ve told. Mirror clouded with the lingering steam and vapor of your silent tears, you pull on the clothes barely fitting onto your body, twist and turn to view the outfit hanging loosely. The reflection of yourself in the mirror, blurred, barely visible through the cloud of your regrets. Even through the billows of water vapors and the surprisingly sparkling scent of neroli mingling with bergamot of his body wash, you couldn’t help but let your nose trail on the ghost of Bobby’s scent. You know it was crazy to even try for he had handed you clothes shrouded with the fresh scent of laundry detergent yet there was no helping your hands from bunching up the fabric of the ill-fitted shirt, bringing it close to your nose imagining it was just shed off of his body. Your mind went back to the late nights of digging your face as far into his body as you could, taking in the comforting warmth and soft scent of faint cologne and Bobby. Sorrow overtaking your senses because soon enough, you’d have to leave the safety of this hideout. So just for a few minutes, you let your heart has it moment. Table was set by the time you finished freshen up, Bobby graciously waiting by the table, scrolling through his phone to pass the time. Though the clothes might be small for him, the t-shirt he had given you near hitting knee length and the pair of short barely holding on. The smile he offers was far short of the one you were used to but nevertheless, better than the scowl and pain etching so deep on his features the night everything ended. The meal begins in complete silent despite the friendly small talk and although it was nothing surprising, there’s still a bit of pain lingering for tableside conversation wasn’t something scarce between you two. “I’m really sorry, for bothering you like this.” You say finally, noting the small glances he steals, unable to any longer swallow another bite with the air thicker than tar suffocating all your senses. “I- there’s not enough words to say sorry and thank you for going out of your way to pick me up. I know this wasn’t what you imagined starting your weekend with.” He was the drop of water to quench your thirst, yet you couldn’t imagine the same could be said about you, not after everything that happened. “Y/n, there’s no bother. This is the least I could do after all those years you took care of me.” Was this how it will be? Polite banter and careful dances about the rich history your souls shared for so long? Bobby watches carefully as your dainty fingers pushing your spoon about, rare bites taken he surmises could barely even be qualified as a bite but rather formality to reward his effort. So many question bubbling close, so close to the surface, he could feel them knotting in his throat. Why were you out so late, who were you drinking with, what was your intention behind calling him… He knew your actions were merely alcohol induced yet isn’t it also true that drunkenness only amplifies true intention? “Is something bothering you? Is the food that horrible?” He had to do it, unable to bear the desolation paints so clearly across your features. “Oh, no, not at all. I’m just…” You consider for a second to lie, blame it on the uneasiness of your stomach souring the morning after… But lie isn’t what either of you need, it’s not what Bobby deserve. “I’m so sorry. I really can’t do this.” “Do what?” Panic slowly engulfs his body watching the color leaving your skin, anguish slowly replacing the small smile you had watching him fumbling over the hot soup. “You’re scaring me, Y/n…” “I tried, I really tried to pretend as if this is normal… But I just, I can’t get over the fact that I intruded your life after you had so explicitly expressed your desire to never meet again. This must be so uncomfortable for you.  And I, there isn’t enough sorry I can give for last night, for all the nights before.” Your heart vomits out the guilt pent up and pushed away for a moment of joy pretending as if watching Bobby struggling over breakfast was something normal, just another typical morning in your household. You wanted so badly to hang on to this last piece of happiness with him, to have one last breakfast as a “couple” but alas, guilt was eating you alive even before you realize it was there. “I should go.” No sooner than the last syllable of the sentence left your lips, his hand was already on yours, cradling, squeezing so tightly you could feel the weight on your heart becoming undone. “Don’t… Please. I know I’m despicable, and I’ve accused you of the most horrendous thing… And I’m sorry for that.” His eyes calm, like the grey sky just before a big storm breaking but just beneath the roughness of his voice, panic. You could feel that guilt too was wrecking him apart and it kills you. You’d rather him hate you, never want to again see your face but guilt... Guilt is what keep people from moving on, and that’s not what you want for Bobby. “What you did after we parted, it was none of my business. I know too that heartbreak is much easier dealt with if you have someone to lean on. I crossed far beyond all the lines and I, I’m just so sorry.” “No, your anger was well deserved. I told you lies, that part was true. And I thought for the longest that if you hate me, it’ll be easier for you to move on and be happy. If I can’t provide you with the love and happiness you deserve, then at least someone else can.” How far will you be able to carry your truthfulness, only time can tell. But for now, you’ll do your best to close finally end this chapter of your life and give it the closure it deserved, one that should’ve been written years ago. “That was the sole reason behind everything I’ve done.” “I know you’re not so cruel, and I know in my heart that you wouldn’t forget about me so soon after, just as well as I know you’d never cheat on me… So please, Y/n, end my misery and tell me the truth. I know that night I let anger taken over, but your words matter to me more than you could ever know.” He begs, hands clutching onto yours so tightly, the last line of hope for the drowning man. “When I said it was a misunderstanding, that part was true. I would never cheat on you and rest assure the time we spent together, no matter how shitty, my heart only ever had you in it.” To finally clear up the unspoken thoughts of that night, you felt the weight of the world lifting from your shoulders. Bobby too, seems to have felt the same effect as his head hang low, long sigh release the breath he had been holding. “And the matter of whom my heart had belonged to following our breakup, it was you… Still to this day, only you. It was always you and I’m sorry if I’ve made you thought otherwise, for the pain I’ve caused.” “Why? Why would you- How, what about all the things your boyfriend had said?” “There was, still is no one else. It has always been you and I’ve only lied because I thought it’d protect you. Whatever he had told you, it was done under my instruction.” Tears were once more streaming down your cheeks, sullying the bowl of porridge he had worked so hard on. Bobby falls back into his chair, body limp, no strength for anything else for his brain had taken it all to process the revelation falling from your lips. For reason unknown, you thought it now is the best time for another bite of food only to find it choking with sadness, bitter the entire way down. “Why would you do that? Why would you let me believe in a lie that made me saw you in such a disgusting light? Y/n?” He repeated your name like a mantra, frustration, love, anger, nostalgia, it all mixed up in an undecipherable wave drowning Bobby in guilt. The things he said, oh the things he had accused you of, how could he ever repent for his sins. “I came to visit, a month after we ended things… I knew it was a bad idea, but I couldn’t bear not seeing you. It nearly drove me insane not being able to see you, to speak to you daily.” Your head now too hanging low, recalling the days when wounds were fresh and pain so excruciating, you’ve gone numb. You recall too the excitement of finally seeing that handsome smile and feel the familiarity of happiness. “I was stopping by our coffee shop, figured, if I was to show up and ruin your day, might as well bring some caffeine.” You chuckle bitterly at the past, thinking of how shock he would’ve looked if you just show up at his work with coffees in hand just as you used to. “That was when I realized, we needed to move on if we even hope to survive.” “What are you talking about?” Confusion plagues his features and it was rightfully so. This insane misunderstanding had been solely on you. “I saw you with that girl, seemed like a date. I was happy, honestly, seeing you smiling, going out, having fun. So, I left. I thought that was it, you were moving on and so should I. You could imagine how hurt I was, hearing from our friends that you were still so hung up on what happened to us that you were barely living.” Your eyes trail along the sharp lines of his jaws to the soft pout he has on his lips. Bobby got his gaze on you, watching intently with bated breaths and once more his hands found their way to yours. “It wasn’t your fault, Y/n. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.” The soft sniffles have grown, echoing, spreading through the dead air of the living room that was warming up by the soft sunlight peeking through the living room’s windows. So opposite of the harsh tone and chiding words of the night just mere month ago, his words ring with the dejection of a desperate man. A man that wants so badly for you to realize that the pain of breakup was no one’s fault. It was a part of life and however unpleasant it might be, it was simply inevitable. After all, there are always only two outcomes when hearts begin to beat as one… And neither of you were favored by the grand scale of life. When silent was what met his protest, Bobby finally gazes upon your frail face, glossy with tears and guilt. He wrapped your cheeks in the protective hold of his hands, thumbs gently ridding of the tear hiding away the rosy of your cheeks.  And as if it was his last lifeline out of the tumultuous sea of heartbreak, he places the most delicate kiss upon your forehead. Bobby wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do but it was what his heart told him to. “Hey, it wasn’t your fault. I just needed to deal with pain at my own speed.” “I was hanging on to the image of you, so happy even if it was with someone else and somehow it got me through. Day by day, some days hurt more than others but knowing you were happy, it made my heart content. When I found out you’ve isolated yourself from the rest of the world, I was eaten alive with guilt. Guilt that this all happened because I left… Guilt because I went on living while you were suffering… So, when my friend texted me that he ran into you, I decided to take things into my own hand.” Embolden by the leap he had just taken, you rest your forehead against his, wrapping your own hand around his wrists, fearful still that this is all just another reunion dream your tired mind had conjured up. But that thought was soon banish as Bobby pulls your hands up to his lips and the wings of hundred small kisses flutter against your soft skin, reminding you that he was very much right before you. There are few moments in life that can capture the fleeting nature of life and aside from the moment when you had bid goodbye to your entire life, the very second that text had flashed across your screen was the realest moment in your short days on this Earth. It was so simple, “Hey, I ran into Bobby. He asked about you!”. How could a few sentences, so straightforward, no underlying messages could mess with your heart so much that you felt all the progress you’ve made, all those day coping, surviving this new found loneliness reverting back to the beginning. You contemplated, telling him you were fine, telling him you were miserable, beg for him to take you back… In the end, you asked your dear friend a favor you knew you could never pay back for. A fabricated life in place of the pathetic one you’ve been living. You painted a home with two dogs, a loving business partner, best friend, and lover all in one. Mornings were filled with laughter as you both fought over coffee even though there was more than enough to go around. Nights echoed with the scent of sweat and lingering moans of pleasure as the delectable cloud of a homemade meal wasp around the kitchen, awaiting to be dine. You thought of the future that never was with Bobby as you begged your dear friend to lie for you. “God…” Hands still snuggling yours, Bobby let the weight of his head resting against your knuckles as he mutters soft cusses. He was so wrong, he made you out to be the villain, yet the truth was so far from all the fuck up scenarios he had conjured up in his mind. “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/n. I’m so sorry.” “Don’t be. I started this, none of this was your fault. At the time, I really thought it was the best way to get you to move on... I didn’t think about the consequences, that it would backfire. And I don’t think I can ever make up for it.” A heavy sigh left your lips and your heart wishes so desperately for Bobby to place another kiss upon your skin… Perhaps this time he’d settle for one on your quivering, chapped lips. “How about just start being honest with me? Hmm?” He leans in close, dragging your chair effortlessly right beside his. For the first time since the conversation start, you let yourself focus on the starlight sparkling in his eyes. You were so scare, deadly afraid that if you gaze into his eyes, all you could see was emptiness. Oh, how wrong you were because there’s so much light and warmth emanating from them, so beautiful and tender. “I don’t even know if I should be-“ “No, I know what you’re trying to say. Did you really think I’m letting you go a second time? I’ve got you here, even after the spite I’ve thrown at you, you’re still here with me. You must be insane if you think you’re walking away one more time.” Your self-pity drowns out with all the love his heart could give. Hands once more gently encasing your cheek as he shushes away the lingering tears. “There’s no other place you should be but here. Stay with me.” Your heart nearly explodes in light of the words you desperately hope to hear for the longest. You’ve always wonder what would have happened if you had just stay, screw career, screw the world. What would’ve happened if you had let your heart taken control of your body and soul, letting love win? Like the most wonderful Christmas miracle, life, Bobby had offered you a second chance at the life you wish you have, only this time you both have matured and learned so much from heartache. It wasn’t an easy road here, but it felt so much like the first time. You dive into his arms that was more than ready to welcome you back for they had gone on far too long without feeling the your curves under them. Tears was once more falling, but this time Bobby let them fall because he knows it was out of sheer bliss and happiness… Because he too is crying along with you. Neither of you dare move an inch even as awkward and aching as the position of your intertwining bodies currently in. Breakfast long forgotten and hangover was just something so an hour ago, you could only feel the warmth and solace. “I still love you so much.” It feels as though an eternity had passed since you crawled awkwardly into his arms. You shyly confess, ear pressing up against his chest as the sound of his heart vigorously beating calms yours. “I know, you told me last night.” “I did?” A smirk was already blooming on his lips when you found the strength to pull away from his hug. “I’ll be honest, if you hadn’t sleepily professed your love to me… I don’t know if I would’ve offered breakfast. Not because I don’t want you to stay but rather… After that night, I’m just so scare you’d never want to see me again and crossing more boundary was the last thing I ever want.” Gently brushing away a few locks of hair that was obstruction his view of you, Bobby confesses. “But now, I wouldn’t have this morning any other way, with anyone else. You don’t even know how long I’ve waited for this.” “Thank you, for waiting.” You nuzzle into the crook of his neck, taking in the soft sighs of satisfaction and the gentle sweet words being hum by your loving man. “Why were you out so late last night. I was so scare when I pick up the phone and it wasn’t you on the other end.” Pressing a kiss onto your cheek, Bobby once more has his hand grazing the skin of your face, taking in the way you glow softly under the morning sunlight. He was thanking God that you’re here, in his arm, letting the hotness of your skin under his fingertips shooing away the fear of the night before. “I was so worry, I’m sure I’ve broken every traffic law there is.” “It’s always a bit hard for me around time of our anniversary and, well, your birthday.” You lament the pain the comes twice a year, never fail like an ominous alarm reminding you of your loneliness. “I’ve learned that alcohol numbs the pain…” Your revelation seems to only worsen the concern plaguing the handsome man. “At the very least, it prevented my soul from wandering down the path of self-destruction, wallowing in guilt and the thought of who were celebrating with…” There was no missing the way his eyes dance about as if relearning all the curves of your features and committing to memories all the new freckles and mole you’ve acquired since. Bobby was never shy about eye contact, so it was nothing out of the ordinary for him to really just focus on the way your lashes flutter, still heavy with a bit of tear and sorrow recalling the bitter past. Though soon enough, the reality of just how close you were to him, so close that he could feel your breath hot against his skin, it sinks in fast and he couldn’t stop his eyes from falling onto your lips. He tries, really hard but in the end, no matter which route he took, in the end, his gaze returns to your lips. You too, couldn’t deny the calling for that long-awaited kiss to happen and finally let your heart takes control. You wish you could see his expression as your eyes flutter close, to witness the soft gasp leaving his soul but alas, the soft touches of his lips against yours exceed far beyond anything else. He leans down finally, lips so soft and gentle against the roughness of your own. The first few seconds, neither of you could bear parting way so you both still, taking in the saltiness of leftover tears and the familiar touch that had evaded your lives for so long. Fireworks blossom within your soul, louder and more vibrant with each passing second relishing in the taste of him. But soon that first spark was barely enough to sustain the insatiate hearts desperately trying to sync. Fingers trailing up against the tone muscle of his torso before you let your hand rest on the nape of his neck as his arms fasten around your waist. You’ve waited, wanted this for so long that time no longer a factor in this kiss you’re sharing, deepening so much further as he tilts his head to fully take you in. Pulling away slightly, you nibble on his lower lips lightly before letting the softness of your tongue to sooth the gentle pain. You both kiss for as long as your lungs would allow before parting way, heavy pants, resting in each other arms. “Happy birthday,” You whisper into the small kiss you’ve just placed, unwilling to be apart for so long. “I love you.” “I love you. You’re the best present I could ever hope for.” This was in no way the perfect reunion and quite frankly, there’s still so much more that need to be said, feelings long stored away that need to be dealt with. You’ve spent the first part of your relationship trying to be perfect, to be the couple goal, and to be envy by all your friends. But you know now, no couple is perfect, no love can be without its trials and tribulation. In the end, all you could hope for is to have done the love you have for each other the justice it deserves. You both know in your hearts that the safety and happiness of the other person are what worth the most and that’s all that matter. You have him, and he has you. Life have had its way for far too long and it was time you both, hand in hand, take it by the neck and make it your own. Surely there will be days when life once more gets rough but this time, this time you know with all the certainty in the world that you and he will survive anything. This time, no matter what life throws your way, you’re beyond prepared for all its trickery… Because this time, you have under your belt the experience of a life without each other to remind you both of how fragile this love is. The whisper of a promise to never again leave each other side mingles in the soft giggle of excitement and anticipation. So, as you both let yourselves get lost in the second kiss of your second chance, you hope that the same moon who had for so long watched over your relationship will be there to witness the beginning of your new life with him. You wonder if it is too, proud of the progress you both have made.