#this is the funniest thing I’ve ever written

[frozenjokes]

Signing Back In, Apparently - 3

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It occurred to Scar it may have been too soon to start joking about his and Mumbo’s kiss when Mumbo phased through the wall of the tavern to get away from him. But it really occurred to him when he didn’t see a trace of Mumbo for the entire next week. He should have been glad; Mumbo being gone meant less back issues, but to his own disdain, he found himself keeping track of the days. All it took was a twinge of his bad eye or a particularly hard day to eat, and his mind would wander. Regardless, it took a little bit longer for Scar to realize that Grian knew.

To be fair, Grian had always been aggressive. It wasn’t unusual to see him scowl when they ran into each other, or to see Grian trying to throw things at him, usually unsuccessfully. However, Scar had been surprised to go back to his room and see Grian in his bed. See, each of the ghosts had a fun little quirk that would manifest in the real world, and Grian just so happened to be constantly dripping water. When Scar had first reached the faction isles, Grian would constantly hang around his bed to make the sheets wet; just another inconvenience to make Scar’s life a little bit harder. But Grian got bored a long time ago; he had to lay there for a while to really dampen things, so Scar had thought he was done. Apparently not.

Still, not that unusual. What was unusual however, was when Scar came back to his room to find the ouija board on the ground. He was pretty sure he’d had it securely on his shelf, and if he wasn’t being actively haunted, he wouldn’t have thought anything of it. He’d called Mumbo’s name, but of course, there was no response. Mumbo couldn’t move real world items anyway, not that Scar knew of at least.

When he found Grian standing over the ouija board, once more knocked to the ground, things started to click into place. Scar leaned against his own doorway, watching Grian try and stomp through the board, presumably trying to break it in two. Scar did hear a couple clicks of Grian’s shoe against the wood, but besides a footprint or two, he didn’t even leave a mark.

Scar inclined his head down the hall as Oli came upstairs, “Well hello there!” he bellowed, far louder than necessary. Grian screamed, easy enough to tell by the way he flailed before freezing completely. He looked almost cat-like the way he arched his back and stared with those bright eyes. How adorable.

“Scar! The seas treated you well today I hope?” Oli greeted him warmly, adjusting his monocle.

“Just wonderful! I nearly completed a quest, even! I’ll be raking in the gold in no time now.”

“Nearly? Why, I hope so! I’m off to bed now, so I’ll see you in the ‘morrow!”

“Yes. That. Goodnight then. If you hear me talking to myself by the way, don’t think too hard about it!”

“You know I will, Scar.”

“Great. Thanks,” Scar stepped inside his room, shutting the door behind him. “Alright, Grian, what’s this about.”

Grian straightened up, looking almost guiltily at the ouija board before turning his eyes back to Scar. Well, eye.

“You’ve been irritated all week haven’t you. I have a funny way of knowing these things,” Scar gestured to his own bad eye, “Now, don’t get too excited! These eye drops I got from the neighborhood doctor have been working miracles! You should try them!” A lie, of course. Nothing eased the discomfort of a curse, but Grian didn’t have to know that, “Oh wait, I guess you can’t, can you. Maybe if you channel that anger of yours, you can manage to get a couple drops in. Clearly you’ve been getting pretty good at it.”

Scar gestured to the floor. Grian bristled. “Did Mumbo tell you? This thing is pretty handy apparently.” Scar flipped the board right side up with his foot, examining carefully for any cracks. “Hardy as well. For how much time you spent stomping on this, you didn’t even damage it!”

Grian sat down, looking to Scar with a grim expectancy. Scar couldn’t stifle his laugh. “Oh, well Grian, I’m flattered! Really!” Scar sat down across from him, resting his elbows on the board, “But I’ll have to decline. I’m after another man at the moment. And you know.. I think he might like me back!” Grian’s body flared, his form shifting as if it couldn’t handle the weight of his anger.

One of his hands, usually formless, shifted into something like claws, snatching the planchette from off the board and whipping it at Scar’s face. It hit him square in the nose, sending Scar reeling back with a yell. His hands flew to his face, blood already running. Scar barked a laugh, the thrill of adrenaline lighting up his grin.

“Alright, Grian, how about round two then?”

Scar slammed the planchette back down on the board and Grian was on it in seconds. The thrill of the cold coursed through Scar, and he shifted the piece to the other side, unbalancing Grian before delivering a massive punch to the side of his head. Scar only heard a second of his shriek before Grian lost his grip on the planchette. Scar stood firm, kneeling with one foot planted on the ground for better positioning.

Grian, glared, a look so much deeper than anger, and his shifting form lunged again, this time, using both of his hand-claws to keep Scar’s own hand on the planchette. But Scar’s position was better, and he used his leverage to lift his arm from the board. Grian fell straight through him, hitting his face hard against the board. Scar exhaled a quick laugh of satisfaction. He stepped on the edge of the planchette where Grian’s hand still lay, and kicked with all the strength he could muster, sending Grian tumbling across his room.

“This is familiar, isn’t it?” Scar stepped forward, crossing the length of his room in just a few strides. Grian was almost unrecognizable now, just a mess of lines and ethereal glow. If Scar didn’t know any better, he’d say he looked almost bird-like. “You think you’d know better, trying to fight me like this. Maybe if you played the game smarter, you wouldn’t be dead.”

And then Grian screamed. The world flashed white as the bulb in his ceiling flared and then shattered, pelting Scar with glass. He didn’t remember falling, but when he came to, he was on the ground, flat on his back. He gasped for air that wouldn’t agree with him, he tensed muscles he couldn’t move, he opened eyes that couldn’t see.

The only thing he heard through the grating ring of his own ears was the sound of his own voice, screaming.

[notsonotabledreams]

Just reread A Wrinkle in Time and I have some thoughts

I could defeat IT through my sheer autistic power. IT would walk me into the weird sitting room and tell me to make eye contact and I just. Wouldn’t. It would try to make me the same as everyone else and I would nuke it’s brains with facts about Snakes. It would take one look at me and start sobbing over the pure balls I have for being so stupidly into my shows and games and books and music. It would just fucking quit and then we would become best friends and I would send it to therapy.

[skyward-floored]

I still hold that this part from this fic is one of the funniest things I’ve ever written

[adamsassessment]

Some older sketches from my fic I never got around to posting anywhere

[padawansuggest]

Obi-Wan: You know how people say your internal voice sounds like your parents? Mine does anyways. Someone said they heard their strill’s thoughts once and it had his voice.

Anakin: Damn. My intrusive thoughts sound like the Chancellor.

Obi-Wan: …what? That… that doesn’t sound right?

Ahsoka: *nervous laughter* Um? What? My internal voice sounds like my voice?

Rex: Mine sounds like Ahsoka too you guys are weird.

Ahsoka: WHAT?

Obi-Wan: Ani, does your internal voice sound like Sheev Palpatine? What?? What does it say to you?

Cody: Idk who mine sounds like but I just KNOW he’s a clown I just know it.

Anakin: Oh, look, Master, Cody has your voice! Cool.

Obi-Wan: Anakin, answer my question!

Anakin: Idk, mostly just to like… kill people? It’s always other Jedi tho. It’s weird.

Obi-Wan: wtf…

[gromlyn]

Hello asoiafblr i need to talk about whatever the fuck is going on past the Bone Mountains. Please tell me I’m not the only person who spends hours rereading the blurbs in the world of ice and fire about Yi Ti, Leng, the Shadowlands, and the Grey Waste. Thinking about Bonetown drives me insane. K’Dath is just a lovecraft reference. What the fuck is up with the Five Forts. What is a Shryke. Who are the Bloodless Men. The Winged Men. Is Ulthos another continent. These questions haunt me on the daily.

[porcelainvino]

the urge to draw puckurt out of nowhere omfg

[fanficmemes]

I am not afraid of power tools. I don’t cry when I have to pick up a nail gun and it is not going to nail my foot to the floor. I am not afraid of jam saws, and no one is going to slowly cut my fingers off with it. I am not afraid of power sanders or their ability to sand human flesh and bone. I power the tools, the tools do not power me.

[bumblecrisp]

aw you like my writing? thanks! unfortunately i peaked in 2017 with my blatantly self-insert pokémon fanfiction that i permanently deleted freshman year

[whump-in-the-closet]

i wear rings on my middle fingers so that when people are like “oh what’s that ring?” i have an excuse to flip them off

[thehighladywrites]

— “You were flirting with me?”

pairing: Azriel x fem!reader

summary: You leave Azriel mid-makeout to debrief with your girls

warnings: suggestiveness, the ic being nosey, miscommunication, rhys and cassian knowingly riling az up, the girls get drunk and interrogate reader, the boys get drunk and interrogate az,

amara’s note: this might be the funniest thing i’ve ever written. also sorry for my absence i’m posting more soon💗💗

You’ve had a massive crush on Azriel since the day you met him. He didn’t really notice you and was somewhat nice to you.

Really, you had no idea how you started crushing on him, I mean he paid you no special attention or anything. Maybe it was because he was quiet, handsome, tall, dark, mysterious and only spoke when it was necessary. He also cracked jokes and flashed grins that made your heart flutter. The Mother knows how much it grated your nerves whenever a male tried to hit or talk to you when you clearly had no desire to.

Azriel was the complete opposite and you started worrying that you were the one who grated on his nerves everytime you tried speaking to him.

“Hi Azriel, how are you doing?” you noticed him sitting at the dining table, collected yourself and asked him.

“Good,” he said staring straight into your soul before he realized his answer wasn’t really socially appropriate so asked you, “How are you?”

You just smiled awkwardly and nodded, “I’m fine, thanks.”

And that was how 90% of your conversations went. There was no further comments or extra questions and fuck if it wasn’t awkward. You really wanted to get to know him but you also knew how impossible it was since even the people he had been friends with for half a millennium often considered him a mystery.

Sensing the weird energy in the room, you just swiftly said goodbye, not bothering to stay to hear his goodbye.

He wanted to ask if you maybe wanted to do something, perhaps eat brunch at the restaurant you talked about to Cassian but you were moving before he had the chance. Azriel got extremely annoyed with himself, wondering why the hell he couldn’t ask you out like a normal person.

With determination, he promised himself to try the next time.

—

The girls all knew about your very obvious crush on Azriel and encouraged you to approach him often. They were all mated and happy and you wish it was you, you that had a mate, you who got loved and kissed and hugged and fucked.

But you just had to be obsessed with a man that paid you no attention… Maybe that’s why you wanted him, you viewed him as a challenge, and you loved challenges. Despite wanting his attention and wanting to get to know him, you still had self-respect and didn’t act like a pathetic, desperate, love-sick puppy infront of him.

So you went from always greeting him and smiling at him, trying to initiate conversations to flat out ignoring him. I mean, he never talked to you first so maybe it was time to accept it and just admire him from afar.

—

Azriel began to sense a dullness in his days, a void he couldn't really pinpoint. He realized he hadn’t talked to you, or rather, you hadn't talked to him while he played it cool, trying not to make his beating heart obvious. He noticed the absence of your chatter, questions and lovely voice, realizing that his days grew more mundane and boring without someone asking about his shadows, what his plans were, where he got Truth-Teller.

Azriel observed during dinner that you didn't glance at him once; your attention was solely on the girls or his brothers. You chose to stand up, walk across the dining room and grab the bowl of potatoes beside him instead of asking him for it, and it really irked him. Was he not worthy of passing a simple bowl of fucking potatoes?

He wondered if he had done something to make you avoid talking to him. Despite not being the most talkative person, he paid very close attention to everything you said, even if it seemed unnoticed. Azriel loved your presence and he thought he made his interest in you very clear when he looked at you.

Cassian had said girls like eye contact, still everytime he stared into your soul, you only looked weirded out. Was he doing it wrong? Maybe he wasn’t keeping eye contact long enough.

He had grown extremely fond of your talking and felt empty without it. Finding you alone in the kitchen while you prepared a quick breakfast, Azriel decided it was time to talk. The others had already headed to the training grounds as you had slept in. You were cooking your breakfast, not noticing Azriel.

“Hey.”

You stopped dead in your tracks, frozen in place as you slowly looked up at him. Was he really talking to you? But why?

“Yeah?”

He stayed quiet for a bit, just staring at you in that weird way he always did. Even though he wasn't sure if you liked him back and was afraid of rejection, he still wanted to talk to you.

“How have you been?”

You fight the urge to furrow your brows in confusion. Since when the hell did Azriel care? You were truly baffled and tried to act normal.

“Uh, I’ve been good, you?”

Azriel didn’t like this. He didn’t like this at all.

Usually, you'd spontaneously share every detail of your morning routine, even without him asking. He fucking loved to listen as you talked about your broken hairbrush, the struggle of choosing clothes, the snug fit of your leathers due to gained muscles, and the morning hassle with your hair, prompting you to wake up 20 minutes earlier than usual.

“I’m okay. Have you done anything else today? How is your hairbrush?”

A stupid question really, but Azriel didn’t care. He wanted to see that familiar spark in your eyes as you talked about anything and everything. No way would he ever forgive himself if he ruined something between you.

Your face heated at the fact that he remembered such a minuscule detail about something you said weeks ago.

”Oh, the hairbrush? It broke so I got an enchanted one. Heard it's like a hair miracle, tried it, and it really worked. By the way, your hair looks good. Did you cut it lately?”

Azriel couldn't help but warm up at your rambling. His eyes widened at first, and then he threw his head back and laughed. The deep, rich sound was familiar, yet it never failed to feel like the first time. It was a beautiful and joyful melody that always managed to make you melt on the inside.

"I really missed you," he admitted, feeling your heart pound in your chest, unable to meet his gaze.

"You did?" Azriel's soft smile warmed your heart, the one you'd nearly missed.

"I did. I enjoy being around you and hearing your voice," he confessed.

"Oh, I always thought you didn’t." You couldn't help but feel a mix of surprise and relief.

Stepping closer, Azriel's presence loomed over you, his hand gently lifting your chin.

“Please, don’t misunderstand me. I’m sorry that my silence ever gave you that impression. I thought I was making my interest clear, to be honest,” he murmured, sincerity gleaming in his hazel eyes.

“Okay, I promise I won’t misunderstand again. But why did you think you made yourself clear?” you whispered, feeling a rush of energy as you locked eyes with him.

“Because I made a point of holding prolonged eye contact, thinking it was a clear signal of my interest,” he explained matter-of-factly.

You couldn't help but raise your eyebrows, suppressing a laugh. “So, all those times you were staring at me, you were actually flirting?”

Azriel's expression softened, a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes. “Well, yes. I thought you knew.”

Suppressing a giggle, you bit your lip and glanced away, not wanting to offend him.

“Ah, not exactly crystal clear, but I understand now. Let’s go for a walk and chat some more,” you suggested, linking your arm through his.

"Sounds perfect. Now, tell me about those new leathers you got," he said, his playful demeanor easing the tension, steering the conversation towards lighter topics.

—

Over the next few months, the bond between you and Azriel deepened. He trusted you with secrets of his life that remained hidden from everyone else. These private conversations became the pillars of your connection, sweet moments for you only.

As the months went by, an unspoken desire for more lingered between you and Azriel. Yet, despite the magnetic pull, something kept you from going the final step.

You've had countless close moments where you almost kissed, where just a tip-toe closer would have sealed the deal. But it never happened. So close, yet so frustratingly far away.

—

Mor's question disrupted the laughter and gossiping of the girls' night, the clinking of wine glasses punctuating the anticipation in the air.

"Remind me again why you and Azriel aren’t a couple?”

Mor's curiosity hung palpably, shifting the mood from gossiping to an interrogation.

“Well, it’s kinda complicated,” you replied, swirling the wine in your glass as you gathered your thoughts.

“We have a great connection, but there's this unspoken understanding between us. It’s like there's a boundary we're afraid to cross.”

Amren raised an eyebrow, her sharp eyes observing you closely. “Unspoken understanding? Fancy fucking excuse”

Elain giggled and nodded in agreement.

You chuckled, “Maybe it is, but it’s like we're both tiptoeing around something, afraid to ruin what we have. I mean, do I want to be with him? Yeah, I do. But we might fuck something up and I think we have too good of a relationship to throw it all away.”

Nesta leaned back with a smirk, “Sounds like a case of unresolved sexual tension. Maybe the only cure would be to finally get a good dicking.”

You shot her a look, “You make it sound like a medical condition. Also that has got to be some plot from your smutty books.”

Feyre chimed in, “Maybe it is. Maybe it's time you took a bold step to see what happens. Who knows, it might get you laid.”

The group erupted into laughter, but underneath it, you couldn’t ignore the truth in their words. You liked him, there was no denying it. But did he like you as much?

—

“Is she dating anyone?” Rhysand’s casual question caught Azriel off guard as he browsed his big wine selections with Cassian while the girls where out of the house.

Azriel feigned ignorance. “Who?”

Rhysand and Cassian exchanged a knowing look. “Y/N. Is she dating anyone?”

Something about the question irked Azriel. “Why the hell do you care?”

Rhysand shrugged nonchalantly. “Just curious. I might set her up with someone.”

Azriel's jaw clenched as he fought to mask his frustration. Rhysand's casual tone grated on his nerves, igniting a simmering jealousy he hadn't realized he harbored. Suppressing a sigh, he forced himself to respond evenly,

“She's a grown female, Rhys. She doesn't need you playing matchmaker for her.”

Cassian chuckled, sensing the tension in the air. “Easy, Az. No need to get defensive. I think little Y/N might want a lover of her own, no?”

Azriel's gaze hardened, a flicker of annoyance flashing in his eyes. “I'm not being defensive. I just don't appreciate your implication. And no, she doesn’t need some lover.”

Rhysand raised an eyebrow, his smirk bordering on mischief. “Interesting. And why is that?”

Before Azriel could formulate a response, you had returned with the girls, your laughter echoing through the room, shifting the focus away from the questions. Azriel sighed, silently cursing Rhysand's annoying questions and the unresolved feelings stirring within him.

—

You turned off the tap and brought the glass of water to your mouth, much needed after the amounts of wine you and the girls had downed. It was honestly a miracle Mor had the energy to winnow you to the house of wind.

As the girls walked to the library for more drinking, you snuck into the kitchen for some water.

You put down the tall glass of water, swallowing the refreshing and cool drink before your body tingle.

Your stomach flipped, blood heating as your skin broke out in goosebumps.

His presence was undeniable.

Azriel was here.

Turning around to leave the sink, you saw him standing there behind the island, looking at you with a soft look that made your stomach flutter and cheeks heat.

"Hi," Azriel greeted softly as you approached him.

"Hi, Az." you replied, feeling a surge of warmth at the sight of him.

"Did you have fun with the girls?" he asked, his voice gentle.

"Yeah, I did," you answered with a smile as you looked down.

Azriel's lips twitched, and he gently lifted your chin with his pointer and thumb. He looked down at your midnight blue dress and raised his brows

"You look absolutely breathtaking."

Your heart beat faster and faster and you were damn sure your friends upstairs could hear how hard it drummed against your chest.

You leaned into his touch, the move careful and intentional. Azriel’s thumb rubbed against your jaw, your eyes glistening in awe at his handsome self.

”Thank you. It’s nothing special, I just like the color.”

Azriel's gaze softened, his eyes lingering on yours with a tenderness that made your knees weak. "It's not just the color," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "It's you. You’re beautiful."

A blush crept up your cheeks at his words, and you bit your lip nervously, unsure how to respond to such sincerity. But damn, he looked good, and the alcohol in your system made you feel bold enough to speak your mind.

"You look really good," you said, your voice a little breathless. "This shirt suits you."

Stepping closer, you let your hand rest on his sturdy chest, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips, the tension between you palpable. Slowly, your hand traveled down to the planes of his stomach, each movement filled with anticipation.

As you looked up at him with a mischievous smile, you played with his belt, the air crackling with the electric energy of the moment. His reaction was immediate, his gaze flickering with desire as the tension between you reached its peak.

Azriel clenched his jaw, his hand moving to the back of your neck, pulling you closer until your breaths mingled. The sudden proximity caught you off guard, making you gasp softly.

"Careful," he murmured, his voice low and tinged with desire. "Let's not do things we can't handle."

Your breath hitched at his words, a shiver running down your spine as his proximity sent electric sparks coursing through you. “That sounds like a challenge, Azriel,” you taunted, your voice barely a whisper.

Azriel’s smirk widened, his gaze burning with intensity. “Consider it an invitation.”

You looked at each other, breathing shallowly. Azriel’s intense gaze softened gradually as his eyes traveled further down to your lips. He swallowed, pupils wide with lust.

"May I-"

"Yes."

It was a tender, sweet kiss that caught you off guard in the best way possible. You didn't expect him to be so gentle, but you welcomed it wholeheartedly.

His touch was tender yet reassuring. One hand cradled the back of your head, while the other wrapped around your waist, drawing you closer to him.

You melted into his embrace, savoring every moment of closeness. Your hands found their way to his neck, clinging to him as if you never wanted to let go.

Azriel’s shadows swirled around you lazily, one trailing up your calf and causing you to twitch in surprise. Pulling back, you were met with his clouded, lustful eyes. A mixture of concern and confusion cleared up his hazy gaze.

Suddenly, the reality of the situation hit you like a ton of bricks. Here you were, in the kitchen, making out with Azriel—the very male you'd had a crush on for what felt like an eternity. Panic surged through you, and you took a step back, needing a moment to collect yourself.

“Are you okay?”

“Mhm, I’m fine, just give me one second,” you managed to stammer out before turning on your heel and practically stumbling out of the kitchen.

With your heart racing and your mind in a whirlwind, you burst into the library where the girls were lounging, each with a glass of wine in hand. Feyre perked up at your arrival, offering a lazy smile.

“There you are, was wondering where you went,” she mused, clearly already feeling the effects of the alcohol.

Without thought, you blurted out the bombshell news. “Guys, Azriel and I kissed.”

The revelation seemed to sober up the entire room, and suddenly, you were bombarded with questions and reactions from your friends.

“Oh my gods, finally,” Mor exclaimed, practically jumping in her seat

“Is he a good kisser? Was it rough or soft? How did he hold you?” Nesta fired off questions, her curiosity piqued.

”All of you owe me 10 cold coins each. I’m always right,” Feyre slumped back in her seat, sipping the wine as she nodded happily.

“I knew you were up to something while we were in here,” Amren chimed in with a knowing smirk.

You grinned widely as you shared all the details with the girls, who were just as excited as you were. They leaned in, eager to hear every bit of the story.

As the questions swirled around you, Elain’s confused expression brought the conversation to a halt.

“Wait, why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be kissing right now?” she asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.

You froze, the weight of her words sinking in. “Well, yes, we were just... making out, and I had to come here. I panicked.”

In response, your friends practically shoved you back outside, Nesta taking the lead. “And don’t you dare come back until your legs are shaking and you have a big smile on your face,” she declared with a mischievous grin.

You took a deep breath, suppressing your smile as you made your way back to the kitchen. Azriel stood there, leaning against the kitchen island with his feet crossed and arms over his chest.

“Are you sure you’re okay? We don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable,” he said, his voice laced with concern.

You softened at his words, stepping closer and wrapping your arms around his neck. Pulling him down slightly, you gave him a loud kiss that ended with an audible "mwah."

"I really couldn't be more comfortable. I love you, Az. Like a whole lot," you confessed, your voice filled with sincerity and affection.

Azriel's eyes softened at your words, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He brushed a stray strand of hair from your face, his touch gentle and tender.

"I love you too," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "More than I can put into words."

You felt a rush of warmth flood through you at his admission, your heart fluttering with happiness. Without another word, you leaned in and kissed him again, the feeling of his lips against yours sending shivers down your spine.

Azriel grabbed your hips and slowly backed you into the kitchen island. You yelped when he picked you up and put you on the counter, deeping the kiss.

“Let me take you on a date. I want to do this properly,” he whispers breathlessly between kisses as he tucks your hair behind your ear.

You put your hands on his chest lovingly as you nod, smiling up at him. “I’d love that.”

—

extra scene where rhys and cassian visit azriel in the kitchen:

Azriel stood frozen as you left, his mind going into overdrive, worrying if he had done something wrong. Just as he was about to follow you, Rhys and Cassian popped their heads into the kitchen.

"Yo. Where did she go?" Cassian asked, scanning the empty kitchen.

Azriel furrowed his brows at the pair, or rather their heads.

"What the fuck are you doing here? Go before she comes back," he urged, shooing them away with his hand.

Rhys leaned against the kitchen island, a satisfied grin on his face. "It's about damn time."

Cassian nodded in agreement. "Fuck yeah, took him long enough. But hey, better late than never."

Azriel frowned, feeling the weight of their words. "You guys make it sound like it was some kind of mission."

Rhys chuckled. "In a way, it was. And you finally completed it."

Azriel sighed, "Stop talking like that, you sound fucking ancient.”

Cassian smirked at him, arms over his chest as he said “Y’all kissed?”

Azriel's cheeks flushed slightly at Cassian's question, but he maintained his composure. "Yeah, we did."

Rhys raised an eyebrow, a teasing glint in his eyes. "And?"

Azriel shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. "And it was... nice."

Cassian laughed, clapping Azriel on the back. "Nice? Come on, tongue?”

"Yeah, tongue,” he said trying and failing to suppress a smile.

Rhys raised an eyebrow, a teasing glint in his eyes. “I knew it, you little freak. What else?”

Azriel's expression turned guarded. “Okay, that's all you dickheads need to know. Now, get the fuck out before she comes back.”

Rhysand’s eyebrows shot up, a finger wagging in Azriel’s face. “You better not fuck in my kitchen, I swear to the Mother, I’ll make you both scrub every inch.”

Azriel rolled his eyes and ushered them out, leaning against the kitchen island, waiting for you.

[radfemsiren]

Internet culture is so fascinating because everything is out in the open, so concepts that feminists have been trying to make the general public understand are now in plain sight.

Do you remember the Bentellect situation? If his name does not ring a bell, that’s very expected. He was a low level TikToker that would make terrible react content of himself reading out normie humor tweets and laughing like it was the funniest thing ever written. The second he got followers he started exploiting that to pressure women into sleeping with him… and they released his sex pest DMs, making him a laughingstock.

With all these allegations coming out repeatedly of Cody Ko, Dr disrespect, James Charles, Kris Tyson, Neil gaiman, etc of men using the smallest amount of fame to immediately try to sexually exploit women and children … I’ve heard so many apolitical “normie” types say the phrase “Wow how come the second men get famous they immediately use it to try to fuck anything that moves?”

Like we’ve seen hints of this displayed out in the open with 2000s celebrity culture, and watching famous men switch out their wives to younger women immediately, or commit worse crimes… but they had enough power and influence to hide their misdeeds. It’s really not like that anymore.

Aesthetically and optically, it’s so extremely different. The words men would say to women in the dark are now on a bright screen, beemed to millions of people in the blink of an eye. Imagine being able to tell feminists that in the past. That there would be undeletable evidence that can be accessed by anyone in the world of the way men would abuse women in private.

My friends and I were walking to a dancing club last night, and were followed by a man in his car. We got our phones out and shouted we have his face and license plate and he immediately sped away scared.

Imagine telling women of the past that? Imagine telling them there are communities of women laughing and jeering at these imbeciles. From the safety of their own homes too! God imagine going the past and telling your ancestors that you spend your lunch breaks or quiet evenings relaxing and eating, while laughing at subreddits like r/menwritingwomen, what a luxury we don’t even realize we have! Of being able to mock and criticize men. Of taking them down from their flimsy pedestal.

The internet is making everything all out in the open, and while it can be scary when misinformation and propaganda spreads, it makes me have hope too that truth will also have so much more undeniable evidence to back it up constantly, instead of dissenting voices being quelled in the past. It’s difficult to see the hard evidence of female oppression constantly, but at least it’s being acknowledged, it’s being seen.

[cozage]

Coza!! Congrats on your 2K followers. 🥳🎉🥂

I like your smuts and I’m having a hard time choosing what scenarios to request!! I’m so excited for this event you have no idea. May I request for the Option 1? Reaction of Luffy+ Sanji+ Zoro+ Law+ Eustass Kid + Killer to you reading smuts/hentai please? Thank you!!

A/N: Hi :) I wasn't able to do everyone, but I did a few! Minors…OUT! go on! Get! Scram! Also I won’t lie Zoro’s is based loosely off of the funniest comic I’ve seen in my life that stays living rent free in my head Characters: gn reader x Luffy, Sanji, Zoro, Law Cw: smut and suggestive, NO MINORS ALLOWED ON THIS POST PLS GO AWAY Total word count: 900

Scandalous Reading

Luffy

Luffy’s head rested on your shoulder, his eyes lazily skimming the page that you were reading. 

“Woah!” Luffy grabbed the book out of your hand and put it up to his face to get a better view of the words. “I didn’t even know this was possible!”

“Luffy!” You reached for the book, but he held it just out of your reach, still reading. 

“I didn’t even think about trying-”

“Luffy! Give it back!”

His wide eyes peered over the pages, but he refused to hand it back to you. “Do you like this stuff?”

“I mean-I don’t-I just-” Your face turned beet red at the implication. “It’s just written really well!”

He gave you a mischievous grin and took off back toward his room, book in tow. “Come on!” he called. “I want to see if it really can work this way!”

Oh, you were in for a rough night.

Sanji

“My love, did you-” Sanji stopped, his eyes fixated on the book cover you were reading.

“Sanji?” you prompted, trying to get his attention.

“I know that author,” he mumbled, mostly to himself. “Where do I know that-”

“You probably don’t!” You slammed your book shut and shoved it behind your back. “What did you need?”

“Oh! Right! Would you like gelato or ice cream?”

“Surprise me!” you said, trying to get his mind off the book. “I’m sure whatever you make will be amazing!”

Sanji was in the kitchen when he finally placed it, and he almost collapsed from the realization of what he had caught you reading.

He brought you out the finest gelato he had ever made and set it down next to you. “So, my love,” he said, trying not to sound too excited. “How is your book?”

“It’s good,” you said. You set it down to grab your gelato, and Sanji lunged for it. 

He skimmed the pages, confirming his suspicion, and tried his hardest not to pass out from the filth his eyes found. “You’re reading book porn!” he whispered sharply. “You always get on me for staring at-”

“That’s not the same,” you hissed. “These aren’t real people! It’s different!”

“It is not!”

“What am I supposed to do!?” you snapped back, glaring at him. “You’re busy in the kitchen, I have to entertain myself somehow during the day!”

Oh, that was a bad way of wording things, because the second the words were out, Sanji’s eyes lit up. “Are you telling me you want to do something like this? Because I would love nothing more than to treat you like the royalty I know you are.”

Zoro

“What are you reading?” Zoro asked, looking at your book cover. 

“A book.” You tilted the book slightly to shield him from seeing any of the words.

“What’s it about?” He seemed strangely interested in the cover. “Swordmaking?”

Oh right, there was a sword on the front cover of the book. No wonder he was so interested in it. 

“It’s called Swords and Snakes. It’s a book about…royalty, love, and betrayal.”

He scrunched his face in disgust and went back to resting his eyes. “Not really my kind of book.”

You grinned. "No, I don't think it is." You set your book down and stood up. “Do you want anything? I’m going to go get a snack.”

“Riceballs.”

You nodded and went to the kitchen to grab food. What you hadn’t been expecting was returning to Zoro staring wide-eyed at the page you had dog-earred. 

He looked up at you in amusement, smirking at your anxious body language. “You weren’t joking about love and betrayal.”

“That’s mine!”

“More like love-making and betrayal,” he mumbled. “I didn’t know they wrote books like this. I didn’t know you would read books like this.”

“Well to be fair-” you snatched the book from his hands. “I didn’t know you could read at all!”

“Don’t be too bratty now,” he teased. “Or I’ll give you the same treatment that knight gave the princess.”

Law

You had only left your book laying on the bedside table for a minute while you ran to the bathroom. But damn that Trafalgar Law, he was so nosey. 

“Quite the fantasy world you read about,” he hummed as you walked back into the room.

“What do you-” your words died in your throat, seeing him flip through the pages. “Oh, that.” You gave a nervous laugh, striding back over to your bed. 

“Yes, this.” He slapped the book shut, peering up at you with such a predatory and lustful look that you almost took a step backward. 

“I just picked it up at the last bookstore we went to,” you lied. “I don’t even know what it’s about.”

“Right,” he said, clearly not believing you. 

He handed the book back to you, and you quickly grabbed it. “Thanks,” you whispered, unable to meet his eyes. 

“Sure.” He stood to take his leave, heading back to the lab. He stopped on his way out, leaning in to whisper in your ear. 

“If you ever want to make it a reality, all you have to do is ask.”

[spidermans-l-o-v-e-r]

A Rose by any Other Name

Paring: Eddie Diaz x Buck x Reader

Word count: 2.5k

Notes: First of all how do you capitalize a title, second of all considering the content of this story that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever named a fic. Third, oh boyyy do I need more Buddie x reader fics because ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ thank you so so much for this

Buck is the one who finds them. 

He had been going through your drawers at Eddie’s place, trying to find his favorite pair of basketball shorts. Shorts you’d literally told him were currently in the wash, but does he ever listen? 

He pulls open the small drawer on your bedside table and digs around for a moment, his fingers find something hard, rubber. 

“What the hell??”

He pulls on it and his mouth drops wide open 

“Eddie!!!”

Buck and Eddie are sitting together at the dining table, just… staring. Buck had found your rabbit… and your rose, and your cute yellow star vibrator. He literally laid them out on the damn table for Eddie to see 

“Where-??” Eddie gestures and Buck has his cheeks resting on his fists 

“Nightstand” 

“Ah…” Eddie nods and that’s it, that’s literally it. They’re not saying anything because how do they even process this? And there isn’t an issue, not at all. Buck has…. Things and Eddie you know won’t admit to it but he also does. But you? Having them? They’re not better than cavemen honestly, really you know horny cavemen 

“Is it bad that-?” Buck begins 

“Don’t say it” Eddie points a finger at him 

“Hear me out-“ 

“Buck I swear-“

“I want to watch her so damn badly. I need to see her using that-“

“We can’t just ask!! She’ll know you went through her stuff!”

“I didn’t mean to!! She’ll understand right?? Right maybe we can just like, like hold on I have an idea” 

And that’s how you come home to both of your boyfriends in the kitchen, listening to music and making dinner 

Together.

There’s a box on the dining table and you look at it curiously, a little “open me” note is on it. You pull the ribbon and take the lid off 

There’s a very cute baby tee, with “Daddy’s girl” written across the chest and you roll your eyes, because that was definitely Bucks' idea. You know how he feels about Spencer’s. There’s also a pair of lace panties with a waistband that says fuck me on them, absolutely Eddie’s contribution. 

“Put it on” You jump and drop the panties back into the box. Buck is standing in the doorway, a towel in his hands as he dries them and leans his shoulder against it, crossing his ankles

“Are you two serious?” 

“Oh we’re very serious” Eddie gives you a little thumbs up over Buck’s shoulder and you roll your eyes, grabbing the box 

“Alright alright fine-“ 

“Ah ah-“ Buck waggles a finger at you “Right here, please” 

Eddie stands next to him, leaning against the other side of the doorway, his back against it and you shudder in anticipation. 

“Okay” 

You take your time, peeling off your work clothes, the jeans go first, wiggling them down over your plush hips and you kick them aside 

“Bra too?” You bat your eyelashes and Buck nods 

“That would be preferable… but whatever you’re comfy with honestly” 

You pull your shirt over your head, tossing it on top of your jeans and your bra goes next. Eddie hums in approval as you bend over purposely to take off your panties, dragging them all the way down your legs and wiggling your hips 

“Jesus I hate you” Eddie chuckles as he pushes off the wall to go finish dinner 

You spin around and blow him a little kiss “Love you too babe” 

You put on the new panties, enjoying the way the waistband hugs your hips, and pull the t-shirt on, adjusting it as best you can, your dark nipples so clear through the pink shirt 

“How do I look?” You ask, walking over to Buck and his breath hitches, his sexy demeanor dropping for a moment and he giggles

“Sooo fucking hot” he puts his hands on your hips, practically drooling as she squeezes your sides 

“Come on… we wanna show you something”

Buck guides you to the couch, making you sit down in his lap now and Eddie comes in and pours you a glass of your favorite mango moscato. You look between them, incredibly suspiciously as he hands you the glass 

“How was work baby?” Eddie sits on the armrest and Buck nuzzles against your neck. 

“Yeah tell us about your day” 

“Whaaaat the hell is going on?” You mutter before Eddie tips the bottom of your glass to make you take a sip 

“We just wanted to do something nice for you… when was the last time the three of us had a date?” 

“Last week? We went to the aquarium… what did you do?” 

Buck looks at Eddie who chuckles and gets up, going over behind the other chair and grabbing another pink box with a bow on it 

“We want something. There’s no conditions baby if the answer is no we can still have a cute date night okay?” 

Buck takes the box, setting it in your lap “I want to preface this by saying it was a total accident”

“What the heck are you two-“ your breath catches in your throat as you open the box and peel back the paper. Your toys are lying neatly together…next to a brand new fourth one. 

“Uhhh???” 

“We wanna watch you use em” Buck kisses your neck, smoothing his hands down your thighs, slowly opening them 

“Please? Eddie takes the new rabbit they got you, it’s a little differently shaped than your other one, you take it from him, your cheeks on fire as you turn it over in your hands 

“We asked the lady at the front desk what she recommended!” Buck says excitedly and you giggle a bit deliriously 

“She said it’s great for your G-spot and that it’s got 10 speeds,” Eddie tells you 

“And it’s rechargeable!! You can save the environment by not using batteries!” 

Eddie whacks Buck’s leg and you shake your head fast, covering your face

“If I’m going to do this…I want to go somewhere more comfortable” 

“Oh I’m so so glad you said that” Buck groans excitedly as he gets up and throws you over his shoulder, laughing at the way you squeal as he runs back to the bedroom 

“Don’t drop her!” Eddie laughs as he follows after you two. Buck literally tosses you on the rose-petal-covered bed and you squeak, falling in a heap 

“Calm down!” You laugh and he shakes his head quickly 

“Are you joking? I’ve been waiting all day for this.”

There are two chairs at the end of Eddie’s bed and your mouth drops open. They both work to set the mood together, lighting a couple candles, dimming the lights, and turning them to a soft red hue. Eddie shuts the door and Buck takes his hand, pulling him over to the chairs and they sit down 

“All eyes on you baby” Eddie nods and you sigh, lying against the pillows they have set up against the headboard. Your lube is out on the bedside table along with a couple towels and some baby wipes 

“You guys really thought this through huh?” 

“Anything else you need you just ask for it” Eddie leans back, his legs spread, his arms crossed over his chest and Buck copies his stance. They both look absolutely ravenous 

“O-okay” you gulp nervously for a minute, opening your legs so your panties are on display, there’s already a small wet patch on the front and you know how Buck feels about that. You lift your hips, wriggling out of your panties, and toss them over to him. He catches them and immediately puts them in his mouth, sucking your juices off of them 

“Holy shit” you and Eddie both mumble under your breath, Buck takes them from his mouth, tossing them to the floor, and cups Eddie’s face, kissing him so he can taste you too 

Your eyes follow the little trail of spit connecting them as Buck pulls away to look at you 

“Just a little something to get you started baby girl… now come on, put on a show for us” 

You’re a bit shy at first because while they do stare at you often when having sex, Eddie is so big on eye contact, it’s never like this, where they’re literally sitting there like two hungry wolves watching their little bunny present herself up on a silver freaking platter 

There were some weekends, that you’d get together with both of them, and Buck would reduce you down to nothing but a toy. Even dressing you up exactly how he wanted you and Eddie would have to be the voice of reason telling him he couldn’t put you in a skirt that short to go to the mall in, none of you would even make it out of the house let alone to the mall where just any man could stare at your ass.

This whole little setup is definitely up their alley. 

The pillows are so soft and fluffy under you, the cases silky and pink. Even the bedding underneath you is pink. The bed is covered in beautiful rose petals and little gold flecks, and your box of toys is next to you. You reach over and grab the new one, feeling it in your hands for a second before turning it on. You giggle as it moves in your hand, it seems nice, definitely your speed, that lady knew her shit. You slide it down your chest circling your nipple slowly through your thin t-shirt, gasping softly. 

Eddie stretches, putting his arm around the back of Bucks chair, they watch you trail it over your breasts, feeling the vibrations flow through your body, your nipples hardening and making his mouth water. He lets his head fall to look at Buck, who’s got his hand sliding over Eddie’s thigh and over his cock as he watches you so intensely, his hand following the same pattern as yours 

You sit up some, getting comfy in the pillows before you rub it along the inside of your thighs, teasing yourself (and them) as you work yourself up as if you weren’t hot enough already. You spread your legs a bit more, your thighs shaking as you start to finally roll the head of your toy over your lips, gliding it along your slick center as you pant softly 

“Oh god…” you moan as you reach over to the table for the little bottle of lube, it’s a new one, strawberry flavored and you snort 

“Buck!” 

“Hey, it could have been Eddie!! He loves strawberries!!” 

“Was it Eddie?” You ask as you pour it on the toy and Eddie shrugs 

“Oh yeah no it was definitely me”

“See!! You owe me an apology” Buck scoffs and you grin, waving the toy at him

“I’ll let you lick it clean when I’m done” 

Both of their mouths drop open as you slip it inside you, adjusting your body in the pillows so it goes in all the way, you feel the little head working your clit while it massages your gspot and your back nearly arches completely off the bed 

You moan loudly, pumping the toy in and out of you, your hips rocking slowly in time with it “Oh fuck yes!” you cry, your thighs shaking as you grip the sheets with your other hand 

Buck unzips Eddie’s jeans, pulling his cock out, grinning at the way it pops out at him, fully hard, his tip blushing red and dripping with precum already. 

“You too” Eddie grins, fumbling with Buck's zipper and finally pulling his cock out, you groan softly as it springs out, staring at your two boys 

“Don’t stop baby, god please keep fucking yourself” Eddie’s voice is deep and gravelly as Buck strokes his cock, he spits on the tip, dragging it down his fast and you whine, your hips bucking on the toy. You spread your legs wider, plunging the toy in and out faster as both men get each other off in time with you. 

“Please please please come over here and cum on me, please!” Your voice is high-pitched as you get closer and closer, the vibrations on your clit nearly clawing you apart 

They get up from their chairs, immediately crashing into each other, Eddie forces Buck against the wall, shoving his jeans all the way down and fisting his cock, pumping it in tandem with your whining and moaning. Buck rips Eddie’s shirt off, throwing it somewhere, and pushes him backward until they hit the bed. Eddie falls back and Buck climbs on top of him, grinding his cock against Eddie’s 

He looks up at you, your eyes wide, your mouth open, the toy still working you as you have it in you as deep as possible, but you’re paying a little less attention to it and a lot more attention to them. He reaches over, pulling it from between your legs and stroking Eddie’s cock with it. 

“C’mere baby” Eddie reaches for you, his hips jerking against the vibrator and you scramble over to him, kissing him frantically, he holds your face, it’s all teeth and tongue, messily making out with you. Your ass is in the air Buck rubs his hand over it, giving it a smack before sliding your toy back in your pussy and fucking you slowly with it 

You cry into Eddie’s mouth as he holds you against him, his tongue lapping at yours. Buck pushes the toy in further and you feel the little head stimulating somewhere else, somewhere new and that’s all it takes. You fall forward grinding into the bed beneath you, your body writhing as you sob for them, cumming all over the sheets. Buck turns it up two more and you claw at Eddie, gasping loudly your entire body shaking and overstimulated 

“Shit shit shit!” You chant, fucking yourself against the bed, Buck grabs Eddie’s cock, stroking quickly in time with you, and he cums over your back, he grunts loudly, jerking his hips into Buck's hand over and over making Buck cum hands free, Eddie laughs as he reaches out, stroking him too, watching as his cum splatters across your back. He falls over on the bed next to you two dramatically and puts two thumbs in the air 

“That was awesome” 

You’re still wriggling in the sheets, gasping and Eddie sits up 

“Shit- shit sorry” He reaches over, pulling your toy from you and shutting it off, it leaves a sticky trail as he pulls it away, handing it over to Buck who eagerly takes it, licking your juices off and moaning around it, your eyes widen as he swallows part of it, fucking his throat with it 

“You taste so fucking good” he moans, putting the toy down on the bed and you giggle, rolling over so you’re on your back

“That was….” You pant softly into the covers and Eddie nods 

“Too fucking good… how you feelin'?” 

“Why?” You crane your neck to look over at him as Buck gets up, pulling your legs toward him as he strokes his cock slowly 

“Because we uh…had one more request-“ 

“What kind of request?” You ask curiously, watching Buck rub the inside of your thighs slowly 

“Both of us? At the same time?” 

[maxlarens]

hello jack doohan lovers. pls excuse any weird characterisation etc, i’ve never written jack before and am writing this because @coff33andb00ks gave me brain worms about this idea for jack x oscar’s childhood bsf!reader:

Oscar’s your friend. Your oldest friend in fact.

Which is to say you’re proud of him and his big boy job as a Formula One driver. And, of course, you’re endlessly grateful for the opportunity to follow him around the world in return for your services as his social media lackey. It’s a job you enjoy even. Which is not to say that you’ve got any kind of ulterior motive to show up on race weekends—

Nope. None at all!

It’s certainly got nothing at all to do with the fellow Australian Flynn Rider-lookalike that hangs around Alpine hospitality. Nothing whatsoever.

Jack Doohan isn’t even on your radar. And you certainly don’t keep an eye out for a flash of warm brown hair or that Roman nose of his. The familiar Australian accent in a crowd, grey-blue eyes shining in the sun, the tooth that often catches on his bottom lip—

No. You don’t pay attention to Jack Doohan at all.

Well, at least not as far as Oscar is concerned.

Cootie-ridden, annoying, pain-in-your-arse, Oscar.

Who as far as you know, thinks you’re still seven years old and pushing him into the sandpit in your parent’s backyard. Who honestly thinks all boys look at you and still see the little girl with pigtail braids who used to play race-cars with him. Which, well, is the same way you look at Oscar and see the kid who used to pick his boogers and spend hours reading his favourite racing magazine to you when you just wanted to play Barbies.

So whatever, you’re even—

You think his girlfriend is crazy for being in love with him and he doesn’t think Jack Doohan has a crush on you.

Oh yeah: you think Jack Doohan has a crush on you. Or you might have a crush on Jack Doohan, who’s to say?

It’s really not some baseless accusation you’re spouting with no evidence. Again, Oscar just thinks you still have cooties. And, okay, y’know what, see for yourself—

You swear this time you’re only outside Alpine hospitality on accident. Oscar and Lando are wrapped up in some McLaren PR thing and you’re filming B-roll of the paddock to use in a reel you’re thinking about making. Ending up by Alpine was a total mistake.

Not that it bothers you much when the object of your affection turns up regardless.

You hear the scuff of shoes against gravel and feel a presence hovering at your back before you know it’s him. Somehow, you know it’s him anyway. As if you’re linked by some cosmic thread. As if you’re attuned to his very aura… Not that you believe in that stuff. But it is weird. The way you know him without sight.

You feel his hair tickle your cheek as he leans over your shoulder, all up in your space.

You don’t mind.

“Hard at work, huh?” he teases into your ear, his breathy laugh making you suppress a shiver.

“Mm hm,” you answer, tight lipped, trying to keep the camera stabilised despite yourself, “Doin’ my job.”

He moves away and you finally hit the button to stop recording. You spin around to face him, trying not to let a full-blown grin appear on your face. He’s doing something similar, half-grin, that snaggletooth you like so much on display. Eyes sparkling in the sunlight.

“Was that a jab at me?”, he raises his eyebrows (can’t raise just one, you’ve discovered).

You make a face, shake your head, “No, I would never,” you tell him in an exaggerated tone that says you’re taking the piss.

He scoffs, points a finger at you, “I’ll have you know that I was on the sim until three in the morning.”

You laugh this time, loud, tucking your phone into your back pocket and trying to resist the urge to lean into him like girls do in the movies. Hand on his shoulder, folding in half, like he’s just said the funniest thing ever. Like he’s not just some guy with brown hair and pretty eyes.

“Yeah, I know, Jack. You don’t let anyone forget it.”

His eyes widen impishly, “People need to know.”

“Sure do,” you smile broadly; meaning it, also taking a bit of a jab at Alpine’s chronic ‘middle-of-the-pack’-ness without being too mean, “Where would Alpine be without you?”

He shrugs nonchalantly, “In the gutter, with Williams, probably.”

You both burst suddenly into a fit of laughter. Neither one of you leaning on the other, but close to it. You’re sure it looks suspicious— Oscar Piastri’s known best friend and Alpine’s reserve driver bent over and giggling with each other— but you can’t bring yourself to care.

Being around Jack is intoxicating.

He makes your head spin and your heart race and your chest feel like it’s got some yawning sun inside of it. When you’re with him you always want more. To hear him talk, to watch his expressions shift, to feel him, warm and there and next to you. It’s never enough.

You want you want you want,

He occupies your mind when he’s not around. You think back on your texts. Interactions that the two of you have had. How he looked on a certain day. If you’re being too annoying by replying to his Instagram stories—

It shouldn’t matter. It does anyway. You want him to like you, so desperately that there’s an ache pulsing in the middle of your chest. Right in the centre of your ribs.

Sometimes, you think he wants you to like him too.

You’re drunk on it— him, the laughter— it makes your fingers tingle when you look at him. Not sure if this is the Moment exactly, but feeling something in the air anyway. The way his mouth is parted, the way the corner of it lifts. It’s not the Something, but it is something. Or at least it’s something until,

well, until Oscar—

Oscar who comes barreling over like there’s not palpable electricity between you and Jack right now.

“Hey man,” he says, as you’re watching them dap each other up like Oscar isn’t totally ruining any chance to flirt further with the Alpine reserve driver. You roll your eyes covertly. Huff audibly when Oscar drags you away for PR duties. Send Jack a beaming smile over your shoulder anyway, get one in return that makes you all warm and fuzzy and hopeful.

Oscar side eyes you, “Why do you look all red?”

You raise an eyebrow, hair flicking into your own face as you snap your head to look at him, “Excuse me?”

He gestures at his own face, then points at yours, “Dunno. You’re all red. Did you say something embarrassing to Jack? He probably doesn’t care—”

“Oh my god,” you cut him off, “Are you that blind?”

He frowns, furrows his eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

You jut a thumb at Alpine hospitality in the distance, careful to keep your voice low, “You don’t think there was something back there? Like between Jack and I?”

Oscar stares at you for a long moment. Dumbfounded. Utterly confused. So much so that you begin to get annoyed at his silence. What does it say that your boy-best-friend can’t even imagine a guy having a crush on you? Are you really that insane for thinking Jack might?

“You and Jack?” he asks.

“Jack and I,” you repeat, tone clipped.

He’s quiet for another long second. Then he’s shaking his head like it’s the most absurd thing he’s ever heard,

“No,” he’s saying in that way that’s trying to sound like a maybe but betrays his true feelings on the matter.

You scoff indignantly, then shove him hard enough that he stumbles into a wall. He’ll eat his words one day, you know it.

hope u guys enjoyed🥺

[winterdaphne2]

Favorite Johnlock Fics (BBC Sherlock)

I went on a bit of a fic-reading spree this spring, and this list of favorites is the result! There are many other fics that I’ve enjoyed reading, but these are the ones that I’ve really loved for one reason or another.

I’ve tagged the authors whose tumblrs I could find. If that’s you, thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. If your work is on here, you wrote something that I really treasure.

1. A River Without Banks, by Chryse. E, 203,286 words. Starts right after Season 3. A mix of Sherlock’s perspective, John’s perspective, and the perspectives of other characters. Sherlock-focused for the first half.

Author’s summary: “‘You love this, being Sherlock Holmes.’ He had once. When had it all gone so wrong?”

This is my absolute favorite. The author’s characterization of Sherlock is amazingly accurate, and Sherlock’s character development over the course of the story is breathtakingly executed and moving. The plot is fantastic and takes you on a page-turning emotional roller coaster, especially for about the first half of the story. I was also continually impressed by how many details from the show and references to earlier parts of the fic the author was able to weave in throughout while still keeping the story creative and original. Most importantly, though, I love this fic for the message that it sends about Sherlock and John’s love, which is a far more positive message than the one that the actual show settled upon in the end. I’m grateful that we have this version of their love story, and, personally, I like to pretend that this was Season 4 and how the show ended.

2. Another Country, by Chryse. E, 67,414 words. Starts right after the end of TAB. Sherlock’s perspective.

Sherlock spends one month and three days under house arrest in 221B, trying to get clean from the drugs, track down the new Moriarty, and figure out what the hell is going on between him and John.

Another fantastic work by Chryse. This author really gets Sherlock’s character, and once again the characterization of Sherlock is spot-on and convincing. There are a few other elements that also make this a compelling story, including smart use of minor characters, a solid central mystery, and a complicated relationship between Sherlock and John that includes a pretty convincing post-Season-3 version of John. Excellent.

3. walk through ghosts, by @augustbird. M, 6,125 words. Written between Seasons 2 and 3. Sherlock’s perspective.

Author’s summary: “The thing is: Sherlock thought that the two of them would have forever to figure it out.”

This is the saddest fic I have ever read, and so beautifully written. The author captures Season 2 Sherlock’s character perfectly; the fact that this story feels so real is what makes it devastating. The day after I read this, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and walked around with my heart physically aching in my chest.

4. Nature and Nurture, by @earlgreytea68. M, 203,273 words. Set sometime after Season 2. Alternates between John’s and Sherlock’s perspectives, but mostly told from John’s.

The British government clones Sherlock. He and John decide to raise the baby.

A true fandom classic. The premise sounds super cracky, but somehow it really works. This fic is surprisingly serious at times, but overall it is the cutest and funniest thing I have ever read in my life. Basically 200,000+ words of Sherlock and John being adorable gay fathers together and working through some feelings, with line-by-line some of the most hilarious dialogue ever. The five accompanying ficlets that the author wrote as short follow-ups are also worth checking out; my favorites were School (T, 4,753 words) and The Radovljica Apicultural Museum (T, 4,540 words).

5. To a Friend Who Sent Me Roses, by @algyswinburne. E, 16,147 words. Set sometime after Season 4 (but ignores TFP, as we all should lol). Sherlock’s perspective.

Author’s summary: “Five times Sherlock is mistaken for John’s partner and Rosie’s father, and one time it isn’t a mistake.”

This fic is sad, sweet, and hot by turns. Absolutely lovely to read in so many ways, and with so many great details and lines. I think this story offers convincing portrayals of what Sherlock’s and John’s characters might be like after it all and how they might finally get together. This and A River Without Banks are my favorite alternate endings to the show. Beautiful!

6. for all that bitter delights will sour, by @darcylindbergh. E, 9,585 words. Set sometime after Season 3. Sherlock’s perspective.

John initiates a sexually and emotionally abusive relationship with Sherlock.

The second saddest fic I have read. I would never want what happens in this fic to happen to Sherlock and John, so I don’t exactly recommend it as a Johnlock fic. But as a short story, this is a gem, full of absolutely gorgeous and incredibly moving writing. It depicts difficult themes very deftly, in lines and paragraphs that I had to stop to read over and over. I appreciate this as an emotionally powerful and thought-provoking piece of writing inspired by Sherlock, so for that reason I think it deserves to be on this list.

7. The Ground Beneath Your Feet, by Chryse. E, 68,803 words. Set after Season 3, but as if the last two minutes of HLV never happened. “The plane went on to Eastern Europe, and this is what came after.” John’s perspective.

This fic is pretty dark; the author describes it as “a PTSD story in which John was wholly devoted to Sherlock.” I don’t love it quite as much as the other two fics by Chryse that I’ve listed here, but that’s mostly because those two are just so amazing! I still really enjoyed this one. It was wonderful to see a kind and caring version of John emerge out of Season 3, and the story had several memorable moments, including one particularly nail-biting scene. I also really liked seeing John and Mycroft become friends as they bonded over their shared concern for Sherlock.

8. The Adventures of a Single Girl in London (Plus a Consulting Detective), by @earlgreytea68. M, 32,913 words. Set soon after Season 3. Alternates between different characters’ perspectives.

Bored with life at her new cottage in Sussex, Janine returns to London and moves in with Sherlock at 221B. Hilarity, heartbreak, and eventual Johnlock ensue.

This is a Season 3 fix-it fic that features an absolutely lovely friendship between Sherlock and Janine and the best version of Janine that I’ve come across in a fic. Sherlock is vulnerable and sweet, John is an absolute idiot, Janine is perfect, and the last two chapters just make me scream. Great stuff.

And that’s it for now! If you know of any other fics that I might like based on the above, I’d be happy to hear about them, so drop me a line!

Happy reading 😊