#this is the guy who got dumped and screamed his breakup song to the whole continent

[kingthunder]

trying to nail the characterization i like for geralt and jaskier is like trying to balance on one of these bitches

[kurohoely]

always (daichi x y/n)

Maybe a second chance doesn't sound so bad

part 1

genre: exes to lovers, slow burn(?) idk how genre works, sfw, daichi!timeskip

wc: 942

a/n: i'm posting this part first because i love to tease haha how long this series will be, who knows? likes and reblogs are appreciated :D enjoy!! :) ushiten if you squint REAAALL hard

this was a request from my beloved moot and irl @oikawaisamood

part one, part two , part three

“And you flashback to when we said forever and always”

Why does this song have to be the one that’s playing right now? You swear you put it on shuffle. Whatever, you let the song finish first before skipping to a more upbeat one. How long has it been? Five, six months? You’re doing pretty okay for someone that got dumped. It could be worse but you’re still here and alive nonetheless. Daichi was history and there’s nothing that both of you could save whatever’s left. You thought you were his ‘forever and always. You held onto his words, from a true man he is but words are still words. But it was words as well that made you guys fall apart.

“Y/n, I’m tired. This is not looking well. I think we should have a break”

“Daichi you might as well just ask me to break up with you instead of having just ‘a break’”

“You know what, maybe we should. We’re over”

You can still feel the burn, the despair that made your whole body weak and wobbly what happened that night. Three days before your anniversary and you had to choose to fight before it. What’s done is done. God, you can’t even remember what the fight was about. Through these six months you replayed that scene randomly over and over again, thinking what you could and should have said to tone down the situation but how can you? Anger got the best for both of you and it ended up at the worst timing ever. Wait, why do you still keep repeating this?

You heard a honk from the car behind you. How long has the light turned green? You stepped on the pedal and started cruising your way home in the night. You took the longer route, going through the concrete jungle of downtown, seeing the lights and skyscrapers glimmering as if they're the stars of the earth as to how the ball of gasses is for the skies. Some stores are still lively and some are starting to close for the day. Work has been driving you crazy but you’re grateful for it. At least it kept you busy from a long post-break-up crying session. It’s not like you didn’t cry, you did across the weekend but tears don't pay the bills. You still need money to live in this God-awful costly city. You didn’t do the dramatic move in movies or novels where they moved out from everything.

You moved on or so you think you did.

“God y/n I swear I don’t know what will happen if you’re not on this team”

You smiled at your boss. Only a few days until you can finally wrap up the project and have your well-deserving staycation at home but first, report. Ugh, why do we gotta do reports? You typed it anyway. Money will and can buy you happiness, even if it’s temporary because forever seems never to work in your favor. Halfway through you decided to take a break. Walking down the lobby to get your favorite pastry from the confectionery shop next block, you saw a too familiar figure, one you could recognize even if someone took away all of your senses. Why, why in all of the days, why the universe loves seeing you in pain, begging on your knees to let it stop. You looked straight ahead, ignoring everyone, strutting your way out from your building.

What you failed to notice while trying so hard to put up that façade was a pair of eyes widened and trailing your frame until it was out of sight. God, how many months has it been since he saw you? The last time he did was when you packed your things away while he just sat there on your - oh no - his couch. He was brought back to reality by the continuous tugging on his hands. I forgot y/n works here…

You walked to the bakery, fast. As fast as your heartbeat drumming to your rib cage, screaming to let itself out. Why was she holding Daichi’s sleeves? All it took was a breakup and a few months for him to get back on his feet and be all lovey-dovey with a girl.

The small bells rang as you pushed the door. You were greeted by the sweet smell of chocolates and freshly baked pastries. This place is magical and the food here? Immaculate. You saw the red-headed owner over the counter, making your way to greet him.

“Hi, Tendou! How’s business going?”

“Y/n-chan! Good good! Wakatoshi is coming soon so I’m taking a half-day off to hang out with him. What can I get for my favorite customer?”

“Ushijima-san has been so busy huh since the season started. I saw a few of his plays and he’s so good! Oh yeah, can I have my regulars?”

“Right up”

Tendou rang your order and placed everything into a cute paper bag that has his face as the logo. At that time, Ushijima walked in. He greeted both of you, exchanging some small talks and you excused yourself, exited the shop. It was a nice change of air what happened in the shop. But now, work. You entered your office building and scoured the lobby, hoping to bump into the figure. Wait, hoping? You snapped yourself back and stomped your way up to your space. You placed the paper bag down and began to unpack the insides. You noticed a small box filled with macarons that you clearly did not order, alongside a note.

My treat. Looks like you deserve some. -TS

next >

[hqwritings]

Kuroo, Bokuto, and Tsukkishima Hearing Their Roomate Dump Their Boyfriend

@venuslii requested: Kuroo, Bokuto and Tsukishima walking in on their roommate laughing on their phone and it turns out she broke up with her boyfriend and he posted about him being heartbroken and she says “that’s what you get you stupid b****” lmao headcanons or scenarios idrc

A/N: Eyy, thanks for requesting! I got a little stumped on some parts (*cough*Tsukki*cough*) but I hope you enjoy these! Requests are currently opened, no rules yet other than a maximum of only three characters please!

Kuroo Tetsurou:

-We all know this man loves his juicy gossip (re:when he immediately knew about Mikashou’s breakup) so when he heard you cackling in your room he knew he had to get you to spill the tea. It’s part of why you two get along so well and can stand living with each other: you two are nosey bitches that thrive off of spilling annoying/funny stories about the people in your life. He also gives killer advice that seems to always work for you, so that’s a bonus too.

-Since you two don’t really care about privacy near each other you left your door open and he takes the opportunity to dramatically poke his head in and pose at the doorway like the sexy bastard he is. “What’s so funny Y/N it’s not often that you keep secrets from me~”

-Needless to say he was a little baffled to see you cackling to the straight up breakdown your boyfriend was having over the phone. Kuroo feels an evil little grin coming onto his face. He never liked your boyfriend anyway. He was a bitch that was too easily angered and didn’t know how to keep his cool. Then again he never liked Kuroo either, always thinking he was gonna steal his girl (which Kuroo never bothered correcting him on because it was so fucking funny to him)

-He’s grinning at you and asks “Oh? What’d the bitch do now?” He’s leering over your shoulder as you show him your ex’s Snapchat, filled with sad Bart Simpson memes and edits with slowed rap music playing in the background. You even get him to read the terrible captions that say shit like “When the person who you thought was the one becomes a stranger again 😭😔” you’re laughing so hard at it you can’t even say anything

-Kuroo busts out the LOUDEST and most OBNOXIOUS hyena laugh ever and he’s grabbing your phone and going through all the other posts he’s missed so far and you’re just on your bed rolling in your sheets DYING and clutching your stomach because it’s hurting so bad

-“So you finally dumped him eh?? Good for you Y/N!” He shouts between laughs and then directs his attention to your crying ex, mocking him by saying “I have some sad Plankton memes if you need them! Unblock me first and I’ll send them to you! HAHAHA-“

Your ex hates him so fucking much and keeps trying to say something back but he keeps stumbling over his words and it just makes the two of you laugh even harder

-When you manage to get your laughter under control you lightly kick Kuroo (who’s now sitting on your bed) as a signal for him to give back your phone. When he hands it back to you, you go back to the call with your ex and shout “SEE THAT?! WHO’S LAUGHING NOW?! THAT’S WHAT YOU GET YOU STUPID BITCH!” With that final blow to his ego you’re satisfied, and hang up on him

-When Kuroo hears that click signaling the end of the call, he raises his hand for a high five and you give it to him. He’s sitting straight up now and immediately tackled you in a hug. You two kind of just lay there, and even though it’s mildly uncomfortable, he knows you need it. It’s warm, soft, and safe, showing you that he was always gonna be there for you no matter what

-“Good job Y/N, that guy was a major dickwad. He wasn’t nearly as hot as me anyway. Probably had a tiny dick too” “Trust me, he did” “Holy shit-“

-He rolls off of you from the hug but is still laying down next to you on your bed while holding your hand. You vent to him about how good and free you finally feel now that your ex is officially out of your life. During your conversation you two make a note to burn all the clothes your ex left in your room at your next house party/bonfire.

Bokuto Kotarou:

-He’s either A)chilling on the couch B)chilling on the couch talking to Akashi/Kuroo/Tsukki or C)chilling on the couch and playing video games. You two don’t have any particular system set up, because you two don’t care. What matters is that you’re bro’s and you both do your part to make (barely) make rent every month.

-You and Bokuto share plenty of funny stories to each other but he’s used to you just sitting in your room doing your own thing talking to whoever, but when he hears you literally CACKLING like a freaking maniac, he can’t stop himself from pausing whatever he’s doing and going to your room to make sure you’re still alive

-He gives a light knock on your door before realizing it’s unlocked and just coming in and he’s really surprised to see you doubled over on your floor laughing like there’s no tomorrow as he can hear your boyfriend on speaker phone, making the ugliest sobbing noises he’s ever heard

-“Whatcha doing Y/N? I can hear ya all the way from the living room, what’s up with you?” He asks, both curious and slightly concerned for you. You quickly get up, ignoring your (now ex-) boyfriend and pulling up his public Snapchat story that also has sad Bart Simpson memes and long ass sad emo paragraphs about how heart broken he is (it’s a little impressive how quickly he wrote it up though, given how you broke up w him like five minutes ago)

-“Bo, look at this shit- haHA I just dumped him!” Bokuto knows how much of a piece of shit your ex is, since you’ve spent so many nights crying to him about your fights and the hurtful things he’d say to you so he eagerly eats up the absolute bulls hit on his story and laugh with you while listening to his sobbing

-Your ex is fuming whilst crying over the phone “REALLY Y/N?! YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR ROOMMATE IN ON THIS?! I KNEW YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME WITH HIM YOU SLU-“ but you were having none of it so you immediately shoot back “OH SHUT THE FUCK UP THAT’S WHAT YOU GET YOU STUPID BITCH” Bokuto is absolutely DYING by now, hyping you up as you shut your ex down

-He’s so happy to see that you know your worth now and aren’t going to let some dumbass boy make you think otherwise. So many times he’s wanted to just clock him in the jaw (he radiated really douchey vibes) but now he doesn’t have to (unless you want him to of course)

-Your ex angrily hangs up and you two are having a fit on the floor, Bokuto laying over your body as you read out the songs on the emo playlist he just posted. You even move to twitter to see him tweeting sad Pinterest quotes

-When the laughter dies down and he’s still laying over you and you’re just on the floor he turns over to look at you. “You know, I’m happy you broke up with that douche-face. He was ugly anyway, and a shit volleyball player. You deserve better” He lovingly pats your head “I’m proud of you Y/N, really” You almost want to cry at how sweet he’s being but you just smile and get up, walking to the doorway and turning to look at him

-“Thanks Bo, I appreciate that. All that laughing makes me tired though. Wanna order takeout and watch a movie? I’ll let you pick” He happily gets up from your floor and gives you a big high five and you two walk out of the room to go order your food. Your ex, completely pushed out of your mind.

Tsukkishima Kei:

-Doesn’t usually care about gossip (except for that one King of the Court thing w Kageyama) so your conversations don’t really go into “tea” abt people. You two are pretty close at this point and you both are hella nerds so your conversations will probably be about stuff like your sports/activities and maybe the occasional debate over which Jurassic Park Movie was the best (He will always go with the first one, he has a whole PowerPoint and everything). Otherwise you two don’t talk too too much, keeping to yourselves and being relatively peaceful.

-When he hears your loud laughter and straight howling, he’s… slightly annoyed. What could possibly so funny that you had to scream loud enough for him to be able to hear when he’s wearing headphones for fuck’s sakes. He begrudgingly takes off his headphones and makes his way to your room with the intention of telling you to stfu

-He doesn’t even bother knocking because he’s petty so when he sees you rolling over the floor AND hears your boyfriend’s loud hiccups and sobs turned on the highest volume on speaker phone he goes from annoyed to confused and annoyed.

-“Y/N you’re being so loud and it’s annoyi- what the hell are you doing” He’s not even trying to hide his mild disappointment in you and even makes a comment about your ex sobbing over the line “Why’s your annoying boyfriend crying too- he doesn’t sound like he’s laughing”

-You take a break from laughing to shout back at Tsukki “Make that Ex-Boyfriend Tsukkishima!! HAHA- come here, look at this- look-“ you’re getting up from your floor and grabbing him by the sleeve to sit him on your bed as you eagerly go through your ex’s Snapchat filled to the brim with emo poetry and paragraphs about heartbreak

-“I broke up with him 10 minutes ago and he’s still crying-“ Tsukki can’t help but laugh at this as he’s reading the absolute bullshit that your ex typed out. He can always tell when he’s going to be annoyed by someone and the moment your boyfriend stepped into your place, he knew that he would never get along with him. He avoided him like the plague and always denied the invite when you would go out together but would occasionally hear your fights through the walls or your crying when he came home late (in those moments he’s actually really nice and will sit and listen to you)

-“Wow… this is absolutely pathetic, how old are you, 12? This is bullshit!” Tsukki has no chill, verbally beating down your ex and only making him cry harder and now your stomach hurts as you clutch it with your free hand. At one point your ex decides he’s had enough and from the other end of the line he shouts “SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING- YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT WHO CAN'T MIND HIS OWN BUSINESS-“ and Tsukki’s not having ANY of this so immediately goes “And you’re a sad loser who just got dumped by his girlfriend over the phone! What does that say about you?”

-You’re grinning ear to ear during this whole exchange and after Tsukki says that you bring the phone to your mouth (hoping to scream as loud as possible into your ex’s ears) and say “THAT’S WHAT YOU GET YOU STUPID BITCH-“ and hang up.

-It doesn’t stop there though- no no no- you two crack yourselves up even further by doing dramatic readings of all the messages (with stupid impressions of your ex to boot): “Oh baby if only I could hold you in my arms one last time!” “Heart been broke so many times-“ “Nobody cares about me, even the person who I thought I could trust the most-“ “Holy shit Tsukki you sound just like him-“

-When you can’t view his story/tweets anymore because he’s blocked you, you and Tsukki finish laughing. His long legs are draped over your bed and yours are placed on his lap. At this point he doesn’t even care because it’s been a good while since he ever found something THAT funny. He isn’t really the type for softly comforting his friends but you know that he definitely has a little soft spot for you (at least a tiny one) and you just sit there and gently kick him.

-“What” he asks and you just give him a soft smile and say “Thanks”. He has his own small smile on his face (that you can totally see but don’t mention because then it’ll go away) and just looks away from you and says “You’re annoying” (which by now you know translates to “You’re welcome”)

[iwriteunoriginalideas]

Hoodie [SeroxReader]

AO3

Wattpad

Quotev

Breakeven Part 2 

Summary: Sero had broken your heart and the only thing that was keeping you together was his favorite hoodie.

Throwing your front door open and quickly slamming it shut, you soon threw your bag at the nearest wall and let out a frustrated scream. You were probably pissing off your neighbors in the process, but you couldn’t give any fewer fucks. Work had been all nine levels of hell this week, your friends were all assholes and you were absolutely done with everything life had to offer. With an aggravated huff, you stalked straight toward your bedroom and opened the closet door, pulling out what you were looking for and slipping it over your shoulders. Taking a deep inhale and sighing, the smell of Sero’s cologne was still on it, causing any previous tension your body had to vanish with each deep breath you took. He’d probably think you were psychotic if he knew. After all, who still wears their ex’s hoodie eight months after breaking up? Especially when said ex hated your very existence.

Wrapping your arms around yourself and giving a tight squeeze, soft memories of when he would hold you in his arms after a bad played in your head.  It was sad, but those days were long gone now and you shake your head to rid yourself of the pleasant past. The workweek might have been horrific, but you were grateful for the three day weekend you had ahead of you. You would have spent it with your friends, but they had already made plans with Sero for the weekend and you knew even suggesting hanging out with them was out of the question.

So you settled for the next three days being a self-care weekend, completely ignoring any phone calls or texts from your friends and even went as far as to close out all the windows (damn did you have a lot) on your laptop and shutting it down for once. You then took to grabbing your pillows and blanket from your bedroom and decided that camping out in the living room was step two. Queuing up your favorite show on Netflix you settled for reclining on the couch, quickly sinking into the mass that was your comforter and pillows, and a drink in hand you allowed yourself to think back to when things changed. It was the opposite of self-care, and you knew it, but it had been eight months and you still had no clue as to where things went wrong that day.

Four beautiful and loved years you were together. Sero had moved into your apartment around the three-year mark and you thought things only improved in your relationship after that, you didn’t realize just how wrong you were however until your boyfriend came home after work one evening and didn’t even greet you as you were washing the dishes. It wasn’t like him to be thoughtless and not say something when he came home, curious and a bit worried, you followed him to the balcony where he was smoking a cigarette. You approached him, about to ask him what was wrong.

“I don’t think I want to be your boyfriend anymore." he blurted out, smoke leaving his lips and shoulders hunched as if he was bracing himself.

Suddenly it felt like someone had dumped ice-cold water over your head. You jumped back, recoiling as if you had been burned and looked up at him, thousands of emotions swirling inside you too fast for you to name any of them.

“What… why?” you rasped in complete shock.

What was he talking about? Where did this come from?

Sero turned around, but was looking anywhere but at you, his hands fidgeting at his side. The fuckass couldn’t even give you the decency to look at you while he was breaking your heart.

“I've just stopped loving you, that’s all.” he had decided to stare at something to your left.

That's all? Was he fucking kidding?

“I don’t believe you Hanta… Tell me the truth.”

This had to be some fucked up joke, right? There was no way that four years together was being thrown away just like that.

“That is the truth, I don’t love you anymore (Y/N).” his voice sounded so foreign to you that you weren’t even sure it was really Sero speaking.

“W-what did I do? I had to have done something! Fuck! Did you meet someone else?” your voice cracked and you hated yourself for it, you couldn’t let him see you like this.

“You didn’t do anything and no, there isn’t anyone else, I just woke up one day and realized that I didn’t love you anymore... I might have never loved honestly and you deserve to be loved (Y/N). I’m just not the one to do it. Besides, you can do better than me anyway.”

You almost couldn’t believe that that bullshit line had left his mouth. What the hell did he know about who you could do better than? Loving him was your choice, it was an easy choice and you thought it was easy for him to love you as well. You thought wrong apparently.

It was a struggle not to cry in front of him, your eyes burned with the tears you held back and your chest ached with the sobs that fought to come out. Then Sero had the gall to smile at you with obvious pity in his eyes and just like that something inside you shut off and everything was suddenly on autopilot. You gave him everything and this is what you got?

Looking him dead in the eyes your next words held a venom, unlike anything you had ever said before, “Sero… I want you out of my apartment. You can send Katsuki or the others to get your shit, but I want you gone this fucking second.” your voice did not tremble nor did you stutter, it was Sero’s turn to look betrayed. Did he not think you would bite back? That you would just roll over and graciously accept the fact that your heart was cut out of your chest so carelessly?

What right did he have to look hurt when he was the one destroying your whole world. He gave you a look that you couldn’t read, though you swore that you saw unshed tears in his eyes, and silently walked toward the front door and left. The very second the door closed behind him you threw the closest thing near you, which just so happened to be a framed picture of the two of you on your one year anniversary. Seeing the literal pieces of your relationship shatter made everything crash down at once. It suddenly felt like you couldn’t breathe and your legs quickly gave out as a sob tore through your entire body as tears fell with no sign of stopping. Everything you had with the man you thought loved you was gone and my God did it hurt. What the hell were you going to do? 

Early the next day your friends had shown up on your doorstep carrying empty cardboard boxes. They all gave you varying looks of pity at the sight of you. Your eyes were red and puffy, you had obviously cried for most of the night and hadn’t gotten much sleep.

“Dumbass, don’t for a second go thinking you did anything wrong ya got that?” Bakugou barked as he shoved passed you and entered your apartment.

Quickly they all got to work as you hovered toward your couch, caught between wanting to curl up into a ball and wallowing and wanting to help them. It all felt surreal watching as your friends went around your apartment picking up things that were obviously not your personal belongings and filling up boxes. They were the ones that helped Sero move in almost a year ago, so they had a pretty good idea on what was his and not yours. The group had planned on what they were going to do before arriving at your apartment and Jirou was the first one to gently sit you on the couch and sit beside you, not allowing you to get up and try to help the others with their purging.

Her plan was to comfort you in any way possible while the others got started gathering your now ex-boyfriend’s belongings. She went as far as to bring her guitar and play some of your favorite songs while you hugged a pillow and swayed with each chord.

Jirou didn’t know what to say about what had happened, she had once admired your relationship and thought if anyone was going to last forever is was going to be you and Sero. When Bakugou had called her up the night before and yelled about how Sero had fucked up his entire life by breaking up with you, well… Jirou just had a hard time believing such a thing would happen. Looking at you now is what told her that what she once thought was unfathomable was now a reality and it stirred emotions she didn’t know she could feel. She was conflicted, on the one hand, she knew Sero just wasn’t the kind of guy to do something without a reason, but on the other, Jirou wanted to do nothing more than to make his ears bleed for destroying the best thing in his life.

You had dozed off at some point and Jirou didn’t try to wake you, after all, you looked absolutely exhausted when you had answered the door. It wasn’t until when Mina had come over to switch places with Jirou that you stirred and woke up from your nap. Mina wasn’t nearly as peppy as she usually was, her smile didn’t reach her eyes like it normally did and you could tell that she wanted to talk about the breakup, but was too nervous to say anything. So instead she turned on the tv and put on some feel-good comedy shows.

As much as it was killing her not to ask about what had happened, Mina couldn’t imagine how much it was killing you to have it happen to. She was doing her best to tiptoe around the entire situation, going as far as to skip over any scene that alluded to the characters breaking up in any way, by the end she just flat out turned to tv off and hugged you as tight as she could.

When it was Kaminari turn, he looked like he was handling your breakup worse than you were. He hugged you tightly, accidentally shocking you once or twice as he cried and rambled on about how he wasn’t gonna stop hanging out with you even if Sero was his best friend. That he would have talked Sero out of breaking up with you if he had known sooner.

Unlike the others who have found out through Bakugou, Kaminari found out about the breakup from Sero directly. He didn’t expect to see his best friend at his doorstep the night before looking absolutely torn up about something. When he finally got the whole story from Sero rambling through sobbing about how he didn’t mean to hurt you. Kaminari didn’t believe him, much like you. There was just no explanation for the two of you to end a perfectly good relationship. Of course, being the kind of friend that he was, Kaminari offered to let Sero stay with him until he found a new place. When Shinsou came home things had almost gotten ugly between Kamirnari’s best friend and boyfriend. Shinsou had been in the same class as you all throughout high school and the two of you were close, practically siblings, so of course when he found out you had your heart broken he wanted to make Sero hurt too. Kaminari was luckily able to get Shinsou to settle down enough to where he wouldn’t outright try and punch Sero in the jaw.

Kirishima was trying to be as gentle as he could with you, he was with Bakugou when Sero had called and asked if they could go to your place and grab his things. Of course, Bakugou demanded to know why they need to get his shit if he was living with you. That's when the news came out and Kirishima had to take the phone away from his boyfriend before he destroyed it.

The red-haired man pulled you into his lap and rocked you like a parent would a child. For a guy that’s grin rivaled the sun, Kirishima didn’t have it in him to crack even the tiniest of smiles. Bakugou always said that he was too empathetic for his own good, and Kirishima had to agree. It killed him to see you like this, he felt his own heart break at just the sight of you.

Bakugou was probably the angriest about your break up, which would have been funny to see him acting so pissed off if you didn’t feel like something so precious was stolen from you not twenty-four hours ago. He cursed Sero’s name up and down, claiming that the guy was a fucking dumbass and that he didn't deserve you if he was going to throw away something perfect. He suggested that you let out your emotions the only way he knew how and let you punch and throw whatever you needed until you were sobbing into his shoulder with his hand petting your head.

He never thought it was one hundred percent possible to be the true embodiment of a dumbass, but Sero proved him wrong when he called last night. Bakugou wanted nothing more than to throttle the guy for being so stupid. The blond may not have been the most emotionally vulnerable of the group, but he’d be damned if he let one of his friends suffer because of someone else, even if that someone was another friend. Kirishima may have stopped Bakugou from chewing Sero out over the phone, but he wouldn’t be able to stop him from giving the bastard an earful the next time he saw him.

When your friends left with boxes filled with Sero’s things you felt a little lighter, but at the same time ridiculously drained even though you did none of the work. Every little thing that was Sero’s was gone, right down to his side of the sock drawer was empty. It had taken a good part of the day to get everything out and you were too tired to do anything but get ready for bed and try and get a proper night of sleep.

When you opened your closet to look for a nightshirt you didn’t expect to want to start crying again the moment your eyes landed on an oversized hoodie that wasn’t yours. You should have called the others and let them know that they left something, but another part of you didn’t want to say anything to them about it.

That’s when this compulsion started. It was probably the reason you couldn’t get over him even after so long. Every single time you felt over welled by life you would wear Sero’s hoodie and suddenly feel closer to him again. You knew it was sad and wasn’t the healthiest coping mechanism, but who were you hurting? If you couldn’t keep his love the least you could keep was his hoodie.

The biggest struggle you had with the breakup was that even though you were one hundred percent willing to continue being friends, Sero’s attitude toward you did a 180 and he outright refused to be in the same room as you. Going as far as canceling plans with your friends as soon as he found out you would be there. It killed you a little bit inside at his obvious detest of you now that you weren’t together. Asking around you tried to find out what you did to make him hate you, but honestly, no one knew.

Kaminari had tried to help by tricking Sero into going to a party that Mina was throwing once, it only ended with Sero glaring viciously at you the second he walked through the door, then a screaming match between him and Kaminari started that resulted in the two not talking for a week. No one tried having outings with the two of you at the same time after that.

You know you told them that you’d understand if they spent more time with Sero since they knew him for much longer, but it still hurt knowing that they had to exclude you in things that they normally wouldn’t have. You had other friends of course, but none of your lives ever seemed to sync up just right to where hanging out often was an option.

When you woke up, you immediately regretted all of your life decisions. The hangover did not bury the previous night’s memories like drunk-you probably hoped if anything it aided the regret and underlying dread coursing through your veins. You don’t know what you regretted more, the fact that you still had the damn thing or that you forgot that you wore it to bed last night. Actually, your biggest regret had to be that you got really sad and drunk on cheap gas station alcohol, which led to you stupidly posted selfies on your Instagram like an idiot.

Opening the app and looking at what you had posted you were a little relieved to see that it wasn't too bad. It was just a few selfies, in them, you were drunk posing on your old as the hills couch, surrounded by your fluffy blanket and pillows, and wearing the damn hoodie that was ridiculously big on you, with its broken zipper and cigarette burns clearly in the frame. You were chewing on the strings and looking like an overall drunk mess in most of the pictures, but then you saw the worst thing about the entire post. The caption.

[I’m still rocking your hoodie]

You could feel your face redden with a mix of embarrassment and regret. What the hell was drunk you thinking? The only thing you were maybe grateful for was that you didn’t tag him since this was obviously a #sadbitchhours call out of some kind. That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to see it through. Even though you two hadn’t spoken since the breakup, you still shared the same friends and there was no doubt in your mind that any one of them wasn't going to tell him the moment they saw. Taking one look at the number of likes you couldn’t help find it even more absurd.

Liked by r.riot and 224 others

Then came the comments from the fuckers you called friends.

alien.royalty commented: nice hoodie lol

simon_says commented: that’s a good looking hoodie (Y/N)

radi0rebel commented: where’d you get the hoodie???

pika_pika commented: you look cute in that hoodie >u>

The rest of the comments were pretty much the same, you could practically hear the smug tone in each comment. All except one that is.

spiderman2.0 commented: that’s mine

What does someone do in this situation? You could always delete the post and pretend it never happened. It wouldn’t make the problem go away though. Keeping the hoodie was another option, but was it really the one you wanted to go with? It was Sero’s favorite hoodie after all and as much as you wanted to keep something of his for your own selfish reasons, he was asking for it back. You had only one real choice in the matter and you didn’t like it one bit.

(Y/U) replied: If you want it back, come and take it

Now all that was left to do was wait.

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[mywinestainedheart]

Kinda Always Knew I’d End Up Your Ex-Girlfriend

I’m a bitter ex-girlfriend, and I admit it with no shame.

I will never wish you the best after me. I will hate you with such an acidic passion that the woman whose tongue has come to replace my taste might just begin foaming at the mouth. I will want nothing to do with you on any social media platform, and I will erase you so thoroughly from every aspect of my life; it’d be like we’d never met to begin with. This will also be something I will wish desperately: That we’d never met. That I’d never set eyes on you. Even the happier times we’d spent together—I won’t hold them dear—I will wish them gone… Because rejection cuts me that deeply.

When I love, I love hard.

This is something I have only recently learned about myself. I wouldn’t say I fall too quickly (I’m actually quite guarded), but once I do, it’s over for me. And you. You will become the focal point of most of my days. I will dedicate the entire temporal lobe of my brain to remembering the smallest details about you and the things you will say. I will prioritize you more often than you will ever think to consider me or my feelings, and, on a subliminal frequency inside my cerebral cortex, I will recognize this, but I will do it anyway. Because just maybe, if I continue to love you this hard then you might one day start to love me with the same magnitude.

Yes, I know. I’m ashamed to say I’ve been this dumb for a while. However, even after awakening to the realisation that loving hard doesn’t make someone love harder, I am still a bitter ex-girlfriend.

In the throes of my most recent breakup, I sought clarity and upliftment from clip videos, TED Talks and relationship “experts” on YouTube. Of the experts, Matthew Hussey, Trent Shelton and Derrick Jaxn became my go-to’s. Of the TEDx Talks, I would seek out women discussing how the breakup had, in the end, been the best thing that could have ever happened to them, and of the clip videos, any reel under 10 minutes of a stranger detailing their breakup experience and how they overcame it seemed to soothe my aching for a time. Of all of them, it was the implicit awareness of “I’m not going through this alone” or “this doesn’t just happen to me” that brought a sense of calm despite the turmoil inside me.

However!

There is a recurrent catchphrase within all of these breakup videos (save for a few TED Talks) that always left a bad taste in my mouth. Every time I heard it, it genuinely made me little angry, as if the guy who’d dumped me was saying them to my face. That catchphrase is “be thankful”. It usually comes up towards the end of their videos, after the person has shared their thoughts and experiences, and now it’s time to redefine the message with good vibes and positivity.

“Be thankful for the time you got to spend with them.”

“Appreciate that you loved so deeply because that means it was real.”

“Be grateful that someone in this world showed you what love can feel like.”

What-fucking-eveeeeerrrrr!

Why would I appreciate someone who laid our relationship down on a steel table, sawed through the ribcage, picked out only my heart, tossed it into the crematory, went back in with grubby hands to dig for my soul, squeezed the life out of it, and then casually stitched us back up, embalmed the union with I’m sorry’s and buried it with a tombstone reading: “I hope we can still be friends”.

Why would I be thankful for that?

Why should I be thankful for the sleepless nights of emotional mayhem this person left me with? Why should I be grateful for the time they spent knowing I wasn’t the one for them but they continued to lead me on anyway? Why am I supposed to appreciate the half-hearted apologies and confusion because the person that was once a contribution to my happiness is now the whole reason for my sadness? I’m already a guarded human being—so how and why should I be thankful for someone who worked so hard to learn where I kept it hidden, and then still violated my vulnerability?

No.

If I’d never met him, I wouldn’t be feeling this way. If I’d never met him, I would never have fallen in love and gotten hurt. If I’d never met him, I would have carried on with my life—my emotions quiet and undisturbed—rather than screaming at me in the middle of the night, making me lose sleep and dread the idea of getting to know someone new again. If I had never met him, I can’t help but think that my life would have been better. Of course, there’s no guarantee of this, but compared to how I’ve felt in those heart-breaking moments? Never having met any of my exes sounds like the more appealing option were I given the choice to do my life over again.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that my bitterness exists because I loved harder and therefore got cut deeper. My entire (significant) dating history is comprised of four men. I’ve only ever been in real love with one, but even with the ones where I thought it was love, I recognise my pattern: I invest too much. Relationship coach Derrick Jaxn uses the parable of a car: It’s easier for the car that’s coasting along under the speed limit to come to a complete stop than it is for the car that’s cruising down the highway. I am the cruising car. Ignoring all the warning signs, rushing to a destination I know he and I are never going to reach together, and ultimately, crashing and burning.

I will tell you that most women fall victim to this tragedy. I have friends who are still cruising down the highway. When the man we love (or “love”) starts to put less into the relationship, we tend to start giving more of ourselves to make up for that deficiency. That’s why it takes us so much longer to walk away—even when we know we should. I have done this four out of four times, and while I acknowledge that I’ve done it to myself, am I not allowed to hate him for letting me do it? If any of my exes cared about me the way they all claim they did, when they could see that I was putting foot on the accelerator, why didn’t they stop me? Warn me? Hell—cut the ignition cables!—why let me crash and burn?!

I’ve posed this question to a few of my male friends and relatives, and I’m starting to believe that men are just genetically coded as pussies when it comes to relationships. They would rather play the “long con” (becoming emotionally distant, less attentive, making less time to see you) so that you eventually give up and walk away from the relationship, rather than them just saying they want out. I call it manipulation, they call it the exchange of power. If she thinks that the was the one who broke up with you then everybody walks away unscathed.

WRONG!

If she loves you, she’s not going to let you go without a fight. Which creates an exhausting cycle of arguments, make-up sex (which means you’ll be fucking her psychologically too), more arguments, more make-up sex, tears (usually hers), until finally, the breakup. And because you’d checked out of the relationship ages ago, her absence won’t matter to you. You’ll feel relieved, while she’ll be devastated. She will see this. She will internalise it, and this will turn her into… guess what? The bitter ex-girlfriend!

So why should she be “grateful” after all that? Why should she be “thankful” that you came into her life? Why should I feel “appreciation” for someone who made me cry so hard that I literally lost the ability to breathe just because that meant “my love was real”?

Nope. No dice. If you can put me through all of that, as far as I’m concerned, I am entitled to hate you. I am entitled to hate everything about you. I will walk in the opposite direction if I ever spot you out in public. I will pretend not to see you even if you see me. I will call you the devil to all my friends and family, even if you were once a saint whose praises I used to sing. Oh, and don’t think this will drain my energy—it won’t. People like to say hating someone is exhausting but it really isn’t. Hating you will be as effortless as waking up on a Sunday morning. I’ll make my coffee, get dressed and go on about my day. I won’t pay you mind until I’ll hear a song or see something that will remind me of us, and I’ll remember that I hate you. I will hate you in moments. At random and completely unforced.

I will admit, though, that this (regrettably) doesn’t last forever. Three out of four (ex)periences taught me that.

Once the anger subsides and I start to analyse the relationship, I begin to come to terms with the reasons why it never would have worked. I will acknowledge my own faults and shortcomings. I will start to accept that because something between us was broken, we were bound to break up anyway. I won’t forgive and forget but I will become indifferent. I will, eventually, feel nothing. The ashes he made of my heart will no longer get swept up in the winds of possibility to seek his visage. The soul he killed will be reborn and I’ll be… fine. Not hurt, not sad, not happy, but fine. And if I see you out in public during this time then we’ll probably make eye contact, and I’ll raise a palm in a half-hearted wave from a distance. Given another month or so, you might even get a friend request on Facebook.

Three out of four (ex)periences taught me that I won’t hate you forever, even with conscious determination, because my hatred isn’t hatred at all. It’s the evolution of my temporal lobe, the metamorphosis of my emotions, the lusus naturae of my cremated heart, all preparing me for the next phase of loving you differently. Not all of my (ex)periences have survived this process, and I suppose that would be natural selection at work.

I am a bitter ex-girlfriend, but even though that will eventually change don’t ever expect me to be grateful that I met you. Call it short sighted of me, but, for all we know, our lives might have been better off if we’d never crossed paths in the first place. Food for thought.

[p-finch]

Recovery | Self-Para

“So is this the part where we see a beautiful landscape and suddenly my problems mean nothing and I’m not heartbroken anymore?”

Stephanie let out a laugh and shook her head as she led her brother up the steps of her apartment building and to the roof. She hadn’t said much to him since his breakup, aside from providing hugs and buying more tupperware for her mother’s overcooking. But now that her family wasn’t being as extra, she took the opportunity to finally offer some of her time with her baby brother and maybe help give him perspective, or at least share a few things she wished she had heard when she was dumped. “No this is the part where we get high as fuck and talk shit.” She pushed open the door and found her usual spot to sit before taking out her lighter and the tube full of joints from her bag. 

“I can totally work with that.” Shawn let out a sigh of relief as he took a seat and took one of the joints she was handing him, lighting it up right as she did hers. “I think mom has made more baked goods than when you and Talia broke up and that’s saying something because we all know she was fucking livid about that one.” 

“Yeah mostly because she had already helped me with the deposit in New York,” she joked as they watched their smoke in the air and switched joints. When she and her last girlfriend had broken up, Steph didn’t even know how to talk about it, let alone tell her parents everything but they knew enough to be pissed on her behalf. And her mother most of all knew how much it had hurt Stephanie but as wise as the woman was, she was not great during any type of emergency. 

“Do you think you’ll ever talk to her again? I mean I know McKinley and I will still have a friendship at some point, if we don’t eventually get back together or something but I don’t know, do you think about it even though she’s the fucking worst?”

Stephanie thought about his question, figuring that she should answer honestly for both of their sakes. “Probably not, I mean maybe like on Facebook or something but I don’t know. The breakup was one thing but all the other shit I found out after? The cheating, the lying, it’s too hurtful to like even process talking to her. But I won’t say never, life is a tricky bitch. Plus she keeps popping up in other people’s pictures on my timeline and I want to throw my phone in the garbage every time I see her face.You and McKinley are different though. I mean if you think of all the shitty moments in your relationship, this is kind of the only one. A big one, don’t get me wrong but I don’t know, I don’t think it’s stupid of me to encourage you to try to get her back if that’s what you really want.”

“I don’t know,” Shawn sighed out as they switched joint agains and he leaned back against the nearby wall. “It’s been a week and it’s still kind of a wave of fucking sadness when I wake up. I haven’t reached out to her because I don’t know what to say. And I’m still kind of confused about things. And..I don’t know, feeling kind of lost. I guess I’ve just been trying to find signs of things going wrong and going over and over shit and it’s just fucking with my head.”

She nodded in understanding as she inhaled. “You should call her. Don’t look at me like that, call her. That’s the only way you’re going to get answers. You can fight with yourself all you want but unless you call her then you’re not gonna have any actual answers. I mean I fucking told off Talia in the middle of graduation brunch and let me tell you, as fucking depressed as I was afterwards, at least I had my answers and I didn’t have to wonder about what led to everything.”

Shawn nodded in understanding, knowing he had talk to McKinley but he wasn’t sure if he could do that without coming off as pathetic as he felt. “What if she’s right? I mean about me not being fun enough o-or like what if she really need someone different to make all that happen? What if I’m just not the one for her, Steph?”

She did her best to not visibly roll her eyes as he spoke. “First things first, the mistake you both made was not talking about what your sobriety would look like and you not being honest about what you needed. You chose to isolate yourself and I get that, you weren’t at a place where you could sit at a bar and not drink or be at a family dinner and not have a glass of wine. But this whole I cant have fun because I dont want to fuck with my boyfriends sobriety thing is fucking bullshit. But it’s also because you guys are fucking young and I’m not saying that in a condescending way I’m saying that in a factual way. If she wanted to break up with you, she should have had a fucking conversation with you and if you were gonna get dumped, you should have stood your fucking ground and demanded answers. But that didn’t happen, fine, so you need to find a way to have a conversation because sitting here and asking everyone but her questions isn’t going to do you any good. You can be sad, god knows I was. I felt like my entire heart had been ripped out of my body. Two years of a relationship just shoved down the drain. And you saw me, there were days I wasn’t sure I’d even make it off the couch. But I owed it to myself to not let that bitch define me or dictate my life. Shawn you cannot give someone that much power.” She turned to look at him in the eye. 

“McKinley is a beautiful human being but she’s growing and getting to know who she is, and so are you. And are you allowed to be sad? Hell yeah, be sad, take your time, cry and scream and listen to sad songs and watch stupid movies. Feel your sadness but don’t let it define you and become who you are. You cannot give her that much power, it’s not healthy. I don’t know what the future holds for any of us, nothing is certain, not even love. I mean mom and dad? What they got was a fucking blessing but that’s them, that was their path and was it easy? Hell no but they worked on it together, like actively worked on it. People our age don’t do that shit anymore. If you’re not talking openly then what the fuck are you even doing? Look, I’m going to tell you something I wish someone told me when I was dumped.” She ashed the joint and reached up to hold his face. “This is going to hurt. Time is truly the only thing that will allow you the space to heal. You owe her nothing. She owes you nothing. But you owe it to yourselves to work on you and be better not for her, not for us, for you. You’ve been sober six months and while that’s amazing, that doesn’t mean that you’re suddenly back to being fucking party king. You cannot ask more of yourself that you’re ready for. McKinley did what she did because she thought it would be the best thing for her and now you need to do what’s best for you. And that’s to focus on getting your shit together. If you really love her, then the two of you will find a way some day but now? Right now you still need to get your shit together because you cannot sit in front of me and tell me you have it together. Because this isn’t about her, it’s about you and figuring out what sober Shawn is like. Now pass me the lighter, I spoke for too long and the joint went out.” She kissed his forehead quickly before pulling back to light the joint up. “Now, that’ll be 20 bucks,” she joked and nudged him before sliding an arm around his shoulder. “You’re gonna be alright, dude. And if not, well that’s why marijuana exists.”

Shawn took a breath as Stephanie finished. He knew she was right, even if he didn’t want to admit it to her or himself. At the end of the day, the breakup had brought up a lot of questions for him. He was so quick to assume that he could be the fun person McKinley was looking for but was that who he was anymore? Was it what he wanted? He honestly didn’t know anymore. He hadn’t really been focused on his likes and dislikes or hobbies for the past few months, he had only been focused on one thing, not drinking. He turned towards Steph and smiled softly. “You’re really good at this. You’re like the gay Oprah. Guess this is why you’re the oldest, huh?” 

Steph laughed and nodded. “Yeah that’s why I’m the oldest, so I can make as many mistakes as I can so you all don’t make them. I’m selfless like that,” she joked.

“Thank you though, for being straight up with me. I love you, Steph.”

She smiled and ruffled his hair. “Love you too, now come on, these joints ain’t gonna smoke itself and I’m trying to get high enough that taco bell sounds like an actually good idea.”

[kafziels]

weird shit i saw freshman year (2016-2017, part two)

again this is late and mildly nsfw

-we were talking about the sexual connotation of 'thrust his maids to the wall' in Romeo and Juliet and Matt asked to give an example sentence but he said 'I thrust my thing into her' needless to say everyone lost it

-English teacher told us he met a guy who said guys get 'periods,' saying he gets moody and anxious around the 28th every month

-same teacher called Leonardo DiCaprio a baby. 'He's just a baby!'

-ok we're currently in a bad omen, the power went out twice, then we saw a black bird in the hallway (IN THE SCHOOL) and then seconds after the fire alarm went off, turns out a generator blew out

-plot twist: we continued school that day

-english teacher was explaining what the nurse meant when she said Juliet has a bump on her head 'as big as a young cock'rel's stone' - a rooster's nut. Which is word for word, he also said a rooster's balls. And when he said 'rooster's nut' someone yelled 'BUST IT' and he said 'no. that's disgusting.' And hE STOOD UP AND GOT HAND SANITIZER AND HE WAS RUBBING IT ALL THE WAY UP TO HIS ELBOWS, NOT BREAKING EYE CONTACT WITH THIS KID THE ENTIRE TIME

-'my mom takes so long to answer her damn phone. I could get a letter back from Africa faster than her. I get a letter from some fuckin African kid named chicken mcboob nugget faster then my mom'

-*watching romeo + juliet in class* 'she's not IN the fish tank, giana'

-guys pointing bananas at each other like guns

-English teacher is giving an example to the class like 'say you go to Panda Express and you get orange chicken. and the you get another plates of orange chicken. and then you get a third plate of orange chicken. what can you infer is gonna happen sooner or later?' and a girl yelled out 'DYSENTERY'

-'what's your favorite chinese food?'

'PANDA'

'no chinese FOOD'

'P A N D A'

-football jocks behind me in study hall telling each other 'bro you look like a teddy bear'

-a girl in the hall yelled out 'DOES ANYONE HAVE A TORTILLA CHIP'

-English teacher: "ok so imagine me cutting annie's head off with a golden axe-"

-someone brought a guinea pig to school, lost it, and now it's roaming the school.

-'mr. randolph I have sss. sensitive scalp syndrome.'

-a girl had a coughing fit and my English teacher said 'if you're gonna die...do it quietly'

-a guy yelled to his friends across the hall 'I didn't touch ANY of his junk'

-there was a security guard in the hallway crying during the daily playing of the national anthem

-they're playing jazz music over the school's PA system???

-the classroom phone rang in choir while we were singing a grease medley and the teacher answered by singing along with us. when he hung up he said 'the principal was not impressed with my song.'

-the other day I saw a kid open a highlighter and put it on his lips like chapstick

-'mr. randolph did you have heelies when you were little'

'no i had friends'

-someone asked my history teacher a question and he responded by fake crying and saying 'I don't care' in the most pained voice I've ever heard

-'anybody got a toothbrush' in the middle of class

-'paris needs a cock ring'

-english teacher has a huge bleeding cut on his hand and all that's on it is a Barbie bandaid

-'I am death's boy toy' *cue mom friend turning around with a disappointed sigh*

-a girl came into history crying about a breakup and saying 'don't date people they just wanna ruin your life' and the teacher said 'is there anyway you can ruin your life more quietly'

-they just called every girl named Abby down to the office. the announcement was a whole minute long

-someone in the back of my study hall is brushing his teeth. the nearest bathroom is across the school. I don't want to turn around

-I was taking notes in english and someone in the hall yelled 'WHUP' and then we all heard a smack. I think someone fell

-*sniff sniff* 'smells like communism'

-'I was choking on some popcorn in German class while we were playing bingo so I'm sitting there like 'ECH' the whole class but I won bingo so it's ok'

-English teacher: 'were talking about salty farts here'

-'do babies fart?'

'YES THEY DO AND ITS DISGUSTING'

-there's a girl in my English class who, every so often, with no regular schedule, brings an entire jar of Nutella to class and eats it

-someone in history farted and a girl said 'that was a fart'

-history teacher was one his phone and a girl (same one from before) was like 'oooo I see you on that phone texting ya girl just HIT SEND' and the teacher said 'actually someone in my family just died but thanks'

-someone compared my English teacher to guy fieri and he said 'are you seriously body shaming me here' he said the same thing upon being compared to homer simpson

-'if I could strangle you with your ponytail I would' -english teacher 2017

-'that guy assisted at jesus' birth he's so old'

-choir teacher was very happy today. He was seriously considering getting neon hair extensions in class

-'is it susan boyle?'

'NO, SHUT YOUR MOUTH'

-someone mentioned the musical 'the book of mormon' and an actual mormon in the classroom got offended and the other guy got written up to the office. this is high school

-'if you're giving human qualities to a bear is it personification?'

'the bear was evading his taxes'

-English teacher: 'I'm gonna throat punch the next person to mention the boss baby movie'

-mid-choir class a dude burst into the room, grabbed the tissue box, and ran out. I have never seen this guy before, I don't even think he goes to school here

-English teacher is wearing a pink polo shirt and black skinny jeans right now (as I type)

-when one of the teachers greeted another, he dabbed

-'let me guess: she can twerk'

-'if tad and annie have a dougie-off....I will add 12 bonus points to everybody's final.'

-someone walking in the halls making the loudest whistle I've heard in ages, then tapping on the walls, why am I scared

-kid putting hemp lotion on: 'if I don't get high in the next 5 minutes I'm slapping you'

-during a shooter drill our choir teacher pulled a softball bat out of a closet in his office to explain he could use it if he had to. The bat said 'big daddy' on the end

-a girl at the end of an empty hallway just screamed out 'OH MY GOD I LOVE CHILI'

-middle of English class, the room got quiet for a moment and we all heard a scream. English teacher shrugged and got back to the lesson as if it was normal???

-during musical rehearsal: 'the shoe does not fit. NO SHIT. SHE ISNT THE PROTAGONIST.'

-'I was gonna grab a calculator but today I found out I'm black.' -friend who has always been black

-'that was such a huge yawn. I thought you were gonna swallow your face.'

-'why would you not want to be called a potato?'

-'WE'LL GET TO THE BUTTHOLE LIPS EVENTUALLY, EASE UP'

-'let's say I had an altercation with a hedgehog'

-my english teacher just threw a yard stick at someone, missed and hit someone else, then justified it with 'I had to use my staff'

-'why are you petting my leg'

'it's...firm'

-a guy in math: *leans over and whispers* 'is it weird that I'm black and I like to cover myself in flour and sometimes I think about putting myself in hot oil' (this is the same guy from the calculator incident)

-my big white english teacher, giggling like a child: 'are you throwing gang signs in my class?'

-the assistant teacher who everyone teases for his clothes? yeah I saw him in the hall on my way to class, he was wearing white pants with rainbow diamonds on them and a red sweater vest. I'm afraid.

-English teacher: 'can you go back to your seat and stop staring at me like someone who had to stop taking a dump early and is just...walking awkwardly cause they had to pinch it off'

-two dudes were talking with their heads out the bus windows so they could hear each other and the one guy said 'dude I had a mayonnaise sandwich for lunch it was awesome'

-English teacher followed through and held a dougie-off and the whole class got 14 bonus points on our big tests as a reward for two people participating

-a girl in the front of the class threw 3 packs of graham crackers to her friend in the back and another girl went 'what is this, the damn food drive?'

-in the middle of english we heard a cackle that I can only describe as purely villainous

-conversation I overheard between two boys at lunch:

'you think you're so cool what do you want a fuckin cookie?'

'yeah actually'

'well go buy one'

'I'm broke!'

'I know'

'What did you do this morning?'

'I dunno, what did YOU do this morning, twizzlers?'

-'that's like three fruit snacks, man. that's not a good deal.'

-there's an outbreak of whooping cough right now and everyone is running through the halls screaming 'WOOT WOOT' and that's the most I've heard that phrase since 2012

-a kid shaking his friend by the shoulders saying 'mr. krabs, you KNOW the secret formula!!'

-in English we needed an APPROPRIATE definition for 'thrust' (see last time) and a girl yelled out 'DO THE MOTION' when the teacher called on someone so he replied with 'DON'T CORRUPT HER'

-during exams someone was doing bird calls (like those exotic birds that go 'OOAAAA OOAAAA')

-in homeroom people were fuckin BARKING

-we're watching Marley and Me in english class and there's like 5 seniors crying, the one girl keeps saying 'he's a good boy...he's a good boy...'

-a girl next to me in math is giving a bj to an off-brand capri sun

[welldamnsatoru]

I do care about you // Shawn Mendes

can you write one based off of "Sorry Not Sorry" by Demi Lovato and it's like you and Shawn broke up and you ended up going to the club and it's hella angst pls and thank you :)))) 

Authors note: Its not exactly like the song because I got kind of side tracked and I’m sorry if you hate it and if its nothing like what you requested 

Authors note 2.0: GUESS WHO’S BACK AFTER LIKE 2 WEEKS OF DISAPPEARING?? its me in case you haven’t come to the conclusion. 

“You needed this.” Kylie tells me, holding the door open to the club for me.

“I do?” I ask hesitantly, my mood still in the dumps after my breakup with Shawn around 3 weeks ago.

“Yes,” She nods enthusiastically. “You’ve been moping around our flat for weeks and damn, Y/n, honey, Shawn is a jerk.” She holds my gaze, doing the best she could to cheer me up.

“You don’t need him. You are a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man to define who she is. Shawn is going to regret the day he left you. Right now however, you are going to hold your chin up high and walk in this club and find some cute guy and down a couple shots.” I giggle, nodding at her words. She loops her arm with mine and we walk straight to the bar, ordering drinks to start as off.

“Thats it!” Kylie cheers as I finish my first drink. I don’t know whether it was because I hadn’t drunk alcohol in quite a while or because I hadn’t been out the house since the breakup, but I downed the next two without thinking. Usually I was a reserved drinker yet tonight I had the urge to cover my sadness with alcohol.

“Lets dance,” I call to Kylie, dragging her over to the dance floor. The lights were flashing, the music so loud that I just let all my thoughts flow out my head. My mind was completely blank. 

“Thanks for taking me out tonight, you were right I did need this.” I shout to her as we both dance to the current song.

“No problem Y/n, Did I tell you your dress looks amazing? Seriously whoever made you wear that has brilliant taste.” 

I laugh, taking another sip of my drink.

“You were the one who made me wear it.” I roll my eyes jokingly and she raises her eyebrows at me.

“And I’m glad I did- I mean, look at all the attention you’re getting.” Her eyes slide past to behind where I’m standing and I look over my shoulder to see two guys standing against the wall, eyes on us.

“What do I do?” I ask, panic seeping through my words. “I haven’t approached a guy since Shawn and that was two years ago.” I whisper sharply.

“Relax, Honey, just be you. Go fill your drink.” Kylie nudges me to the bar and I stumble over, placing my glass on the counter where the bartender grabs it and begins filling it again. He hands it back to me and I turn back to the dance floor when one of the guys catch my eye, waving me over.

I walk over hesitantly, a blue light illuminating their faces. They’re all sharp jaw lines and high cheekbones. Both wearing all black, I found them alluring. 

“What’s happening?” The man on the left asks me, sending me a wink and even in the dark lighting my cheeks burn.

“Not much, I only just got here.” I reply, my hands slightly shaking from nerves.

“Lucky enough you met us and we,” he nods to his friend. “We are going to make your night so much better.” The right guy tells me, taking a step forward and soon I find myself edging back to the dance floor.

I catch Kylie's eye from across the room and she laughs at my confused expression. I wasn’t expecting two guys to go after me at the same time.

A hand on my chin catches my attention and my gaze flicks from Kylie’s face to dark eyes of one the guys. 

He tilts my chin up and just as it looks like he’s about to kiss me, I’m wrenched out of his grip.

“Hey Sweetie, come on the cab is here.” Shawn nearly growls, sending me a fake smile. Still in shock, I can’t seem to process who’s standing in front of me.

“Bro she said she just got here.” One of the boys tries to step forward but Shawn sends them a menacing glare and he backs off. “Another?” He proposes to the other and they both walk away to the other side of the club. 

“What are you doing?” I ask, voice shrill. Realization has finally sunk in. 

“What am I doing? What are you doing? Two guys Y/n?” Shawn shouts, drawing eyes our way and I feel blood flood my cheeks.

“Can you not say it that loudly? It wasn’t like I was going to do anything.” I look away from his eyes. 

“Say what loudly? That you were going to hook up with two men?” 

“I don’t know what I was going to do.” I glare at the wall, ignoring his gaze.

“Exactly, you don’t know. You didn’t think about how much danger you could have been in.”

“Can you just stop Shawn!” I scream, not that it made that much of a difference in a club. “You’re not my boyfriend anymore, I don’t care what you think about my decisions and you can’t go telling me what I can and can’t do.”

He’s silent. His piercing eyes locked on my face, my rage burning beneath my skin so that my whole body felt hot.

“They could have raped you.” He says quieter. 

“And you would care? So let me get this straight, You can care about me now that we’re broken up but if we were together you wouldn’t give a shit what happened to me?” I hiss at him, gulping the rest of my drink and pressing the cup against Shawn’s chest as I walk past him. He grabs it just as I let go but I’ve already walked away, intent on leaving the now overbearing club. 

“Y/n wait.” He says, the door slamming back open and his voice is loud in the quiet street.

“Don’t talk to me Shawn, you never cared before so why do you care now?” the words felt sharp to say and I felt tears prick my eyes. 

An overwhelming sense of nausea hits me and I’m heading to the side of the street in seconds. 

“Oh baby,” Shawn murmurs, stroking back my hair into a makeshift ponytail as I threw up into the gutter.

“Don’t touch me,” I groan as I wipe my mouth, pushing away from his grip.

‘Y/n, sweetie,” He says softly but I glare at him. 

“I don’t need your help Shawn go home.” As soon as I finish my sentence I’m throwing up and his hands are back holding my hair out of my face.

“Baby let me take you back home.” Shawn pleads, sweeping my hair up into a loose pony tail with a hair tie that was around his wrist- conveniently one of mine that I must have left at his house.

“Fine.” I say, trailing behind him as we walk to his car. He holds the door open for me and I hop in silently. He gets in the drivers seat, turning the engine on.

“Seat belt.” He tells me and I roll my eyes, doing the buckle up.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” I say weakly. 

“Can you stop fighting me for one second, please?” Shawn asks, pulling out onto the street.

“No, I cant.” I say firmly, my eyes starring out the window at the passing buildings.

“I really don’t want our conversati-”

“Can you shut up Shawn?” Venom coats my words, Shawn falling silent immediately. 

It only lasts a minute until he’s talking again.

“Would you really have gone home with those guys?” He sounds vulnerable, scared almost- of my answer. Of course I don’t take any notice.

“You mean go home with two extremely hot fella’s who took an interest in me? Oh yeah.” I tell him, grinning wickedly. I turn away, missing the fallen expression on Shawn’s face. When I look back, its masked.

“I thought so.” He says lowly and I glare. 

“I don’t know how its any of your business. You didn’t care before so why should you now.” 

“Stop saying that Y/n!” Shawn shouts and his voice has more of an affect now that we were in a quiet place. He turns left, the road leading to our old flat- my flat now.

“Saying what? That when we were together you couldn’t give two flips about my life unless it involved you?” I say back just as loud. “’Shawn my mum is on the phone’. What response to I get?” I pause, waiting. “I’m busy, tell her I said hi. Oh but Shawn she really wants to talk to- No I’m busy, go away, this is music stuff.” I imitate the conversation that happened when we were together.

“You know I was under pressure at work.” He whispers, pulling to a stop.

“She’s my Mum Shawn. She’s getting old. She’s not going to be around forever and I only wanted you to have a 5 minute conversation with her. She likes talking to you.” My own tone is soft as well. 

“I’m sorry I missed one phone call with your Mum,” There’s a slight edge to his voice.

“I guess we’re doing this now?” I ask, running my hands over my bare arms to try and keep warm in the chilly air of his car.

“I guess we are.” Shawn mumbles.

“It wasn’t just that Shawn. We would be having dinner and I’d ask you about your day and as soon as you finished you would never ask me about my day and if you finished eating you would leave- even if I’m in the middle of a story.” He doesn’t answer.

“It hurts to feel like your boyfriend doesn’t even care about you.” I whisper, staring out the window, the glass foggy.

“I do care about you Y/n.” Shawn says softly, reaching out for my hand. I let him rest his palm over my hand. I stay still for a moment, reveling in the feel of having Shawn by my side again but I quickly push the feeling down. I pull my hand away from his and open the car door, unbuckling my seat belt and getting out the car.

Just as I’m about to shut the door I meet his hopeful eyes- the hope I’m about to crush. “You only care because I’m not yours anymore.” 

[thiswasasuperterribleidea]

I’m baaack!

And I know I’ve said this before, but this time I am “back back” like, “big mad”…but “big back”, so I am “BIG mad, and BIG back”.

The only reason I ever took my little blogging hiatus was because some stuff went down, and I promised Darren I wouldn’t let strangers in on his life choices and share and blog about it…. But then I opened my big ass mouth, broke my promise and told actual real life humans what was going on… and now he hates me for a handful of reasons soooo FUCK IT, HERE’S THE TEA!!!! (PS-Sorry for acting as if you aren’t real life humans…. You know you’re my virtual fam for life)

So while you were all out enjoying your holidays, and I was remaining silent.. I was busy having really, REALLY hot breakup sex. The kind where you can barely make it up the stairs without ripping eachother’s clothes off, driving 30 minutes away at midnight for a quickie, and fucking in the kitchen before making it to the couch or bed..,. yeah it was THAT hot.

And yet here I am, after all that hot and dying for more sex… currently eternally blocked…  for the second and fair enough… probably final time… I’m calling it my third breakup…. WITH THE SAME DUDE.

So of course me and Darren have broken up way more than 3 times. But here’s the logic I have recently created. (Which is obviously very illogical, along with almost all of my thoughts).  I never once accepted our breaking up.  Legit until about a month ago when he brought some new broad around in public and I had to watch them check into a hotel room directly next to mine, and black out and sleep with a pillow over my ears so I didn’t hear them fucking through the hotels paper thin walls…. *takes massive gasp for air after that run on sentence * That did it for me TBH.  I think that would do it for anyone TBH. But I like to think that I almost accepted him breaking up with me one time prior... Back in May –ish when I was essentially kicked out on the mean streets and living with my Nonny, Darren dumped me for what iiiii personally consider to be the first time. (He’ll for sure say it was probably the 50th time). I was so devastated, I decided I’d go out and buy a Louis Vuitton bag cause it made me feel like a boss ass bitch.  It legit made me feel sooo good though. Like I was still shopping around the mall after, and store employees and other shoppers were having me unpack the bag and pose with the bag showing them which one I got. I was strutting around Nordstrom like the boujee girl that I am while everyone “oooed and ah-ed”. It was as close as I was to being famous before this blog. (Still not close to being famous lol)  Thennnn, the other day I decided no break up can be deemed a breakup until a new Louis Vuitton is purchased. SO. Here we are, the first step in recovery… ACCEPTANCE.  While I bought hundreds of other things when Darren broke up with me at the end of August, I didn’t buy a Louis.  So now that I’m making dumb money at my job, I decided I’d backtrack and make all these breakups official. So in May I bought my first child.. and today I bought my second and third. So I had bought brown leather in May, so now it’s time for a white bag to make up for the August break up. But let’s be real. We broke up in August, but it was NOT cold turkey. Darren loves telling me “WE BROKE UP 6 MONTHS AGO YOU OBSESSIVE FUCKING WEIRDO” But let me just say, breaking up 6 months ago and having breakup sex on Christmas is not exactly a 6 month old breakup…SO third breakup is right now, present day, and I of course think I deserve another bag for that too! So I bought myself a Louis clutch as well. (Which is really the only thing I intended to buy in the first place… but I’ve been listening to my girl Ariana Grande too much lately, and 7 Rings is a verrrry dangerous song . SO therefore I was over inspired  to buy them both). And now. I have accepted my three breakups, the third of which I completely created on my own to justify retail therapy, and now just like that…I have a realistic mind set on where I’m at.

So let me stop rambling, and explain what you’re actually looking to hear. This part isn’t going to be long. Or funny. Because it’s something I want out of my head, not to talk about but I want you guys to be able to follow my mind. Darren teased me with the idea of trying again. He was very open and honest, and the whole thing was my idea.. but he agreed that if we were to continue hooking up and talk a little here and there, that we could potentially try again. Now he did let me know he was also talking to someone else, that he did have feelings for them, and that he did not have feelings for me. Dope. So my dumbass went forward with opening my legs, and arguing with him over time he spent fucking me but not talking to me. GUYS- we all know go with the flow is not my fucking thing. But the sex was toooo good. Still too good. Like better than any other sex I have had. I’m thinking it hasss to be in my head now. Like I must be ruining other experiences for myself just comparing penises… anyway besides the point. I ruined it by insecure arguing over who he was spending time with instead of me. And now I have no hot breakup sex, or communication with Darren.

But the thing is. I don’t get me... I am doing well. Really well. It’s not a front. It’s not me tricking myself. I do positive things for myself and my mind all of the time and I feel good about them and I am happy. I feel good about myself, my life, where I’m at. But for some reason… I can’t control my other thoughts. It’s like whenever I talk to Darren, (WHICH I SHOULDN’T EVER BE DOING) my mind screams out, “TELL HIM HOW SAD YOU ARE, LET YOUR DESPARTE OUT, TELL HIM HOW IN LOVE WITH HIM YOU ARE” As if my mind thinks that’s doing myself a favor, or telling him what he wants to hear.. when I know it isn’t. So let me brag to all of you people, and maybe it’ll help you guys. So here’s some more classic advice from your emotionally unstable girl.

I meditate before going to bed, and first thing in the morning. Instead of waking up and texting Darren to see if I am unblocked, or to continue an argument…. I do a 5 minute meditation. Insecurity was always something I struggled with, so I wake up and tell myself things I like about myself. It doesn’t matter if anyone else likes them about me, because what I’ve been working on is falling in love with myself. Sometimes it’s my appearance.. like my eyebrows are on fucking point. Or …my life may not be perfect, buy my eyelashes always are!!!  Or I remind myself of the freckles on my nose that I always make sure I don’t cover up with my concealer. Or my smile with my big white teeth, and disappearing top lip. I make sure to look in the mirror and be happy with what I have and to not get down on myself and pick out everything I see is wrong. Darren was a pro at comparing me to anyone else. Like how this new girl is a dime, and I am just kind of cute and that’s all I’ll ever be. What the fuck, right??? Sometimes it’s not my appearance at all… it’s how big my heart is. How despite what people have put me through, I still try to see the best in them and not let their nasty traits or actions be what I judge them for. It’s my vulnerability, that makes me a good human. Or the fact that I am good at my job. Dwight was a good mentor to me, Darren helped me from time to time. But now this is me. Or even the little details about me like how I close my eyes and lift my feet and make wishes over railroad tracks. (I NEED AT LEAST ONE OF YOU TO TELL ME YOU’VE HEARD OF THAT BEFORE BY THE WAY). I am a hopeless romantic and I love it. I am an awesome fucking person.

I started karate classes again! (I know weird flex, right?)

Well I did karate when I was a kid. Like 5 year old kid. I quit when I was 10. I did it with my family friend Zach. I would cry every time I had to go to class. It was because once I reached a certain age, we had to spar . Like put on full head pieces, equipment and fight for points. I was the only girl and I would always spar against Zach who I had a massive little kid crush on because he was like… the only boy I even knew lol. And one night sparing, he punched me in the area of what I still to this day call my non-existent boob. I was so humiliated so I went home cried and quit.

BUT NOWWW . I’m ready to get my black belt bitches. My Sensai and I did the math the other night. I haven’t been to classes in 14 years. 14 FUCKING YEARS, IT’S DAY 1  AND THIS GUY IS WORKING ME LIKE I’M STILL A PURPLE BELT AND CAN REMEMBER SHIT FROM BACK IN THE DAY WHEN I CAN BARELY EVEN REMEMBER WHAT CAR I DROVE HOME TONIGHT. It’s wild. But it’s so good for stress and honestly guys are such perverts that being single I deff need to know self defense on how to fuck a dude up. I’ve has some scary uber drivers.

Uhm uhm uhm what else do I have to report…

I have been talking to this kid. We’ve been out a bunch. He makes me really happy. He listens to me, always is so interested in my day, and is golden retriever innocent. But I’ve been trying to force it more than I should. He’s so sweet and so fun to talk to and hang out with which I love. But I just don’t feel the right sexual chemistry (ironic because he’s a science teacher ) . But like that is such a huge deal to me. Let’s be real … not all girls are comfortable saying they love sex.. But I LOVEEEE sex. No shame. It’s natural. But I am also very cautious of who I am sleeping with. I’ve told you my 3 time rule.  Anyway, the chemistry wasn’t right. And while this 2019 dating world is not something I have really ANY experience with… I decided the next move was “ghosting” . Kind of fucked up huh? I would hate that happening to me. I am such a talker, I need answers so bad. But I mean he wasn’t my boyfriend, we were just talking for a few months, I didn’t have the energy to explain myself and it was so causal like I just didn’t think I needed to. BUT THEN I MADE A ROOKIE MISTAKE. I planned to leave that night and never respond again. But as soon as I got in my car to drive home… I realized I was missing one of my hoop earrings. Mind you this was not just my 17 dollar cheap sterling silver hoop earrings…. This was my SOLID GOLD FAVORITE HOOP EARRING EVER.  I was so mad at myself. Girls literally do shit like this on purpose. They’ll leave earrings , or underwear fucking anything to prove they were there. Whether it be to make sure they have another excuse to talk to the guy again or to show any other girl that there’s someone else in his life too, it’s all an evil plot. BUT NOT ME. How could something like that happen to me by accident?!?! Just my damn luck. So I texted him and asked him to put the earring in his mailbox that way I don’t have to do a walk of shame back to my earring, and he can hopefully take the hint that was that. But no. The hint was not taken. I had to hit him with the classic Dwight line, “It’s not you, and it’s not me”. Lmao I am a bitch. It’s nothing I’m proud of honestly. But I am just truly done looking for anyone. I’m just waiting for my future husband to walk into my branch and rent a car, someone to just fall into my life. I am not searching, and I am not trying. I like being alone anyway. The only thing that I wish I had was someone to just lay with at the end of the night when I’m lonely to talk to about my day. Someone to wake up next to in the morning with their hands all over me making me late for work… Other than that I’m so busy Monday- Friday that I don’t even have time for a boyfriend. I’m finally content.

The only real problem I have is that my mind still races about blowing it with Darren. I have accepted it’s over, but I haven’t been able to cope well with the fact that I completely fucked up the only thing I wanted, which was him. But I have to be careful cause I haven’t calmed down enough for those restraining order threats to stop yet… and I don’t think they are threats any more.  I have to get better control over my emotions.

But now you guys are completely all caught up on my crazy ass life. I hope I didn’t get too boring on y’all. I’ll be back to posting regularly as soon as the next fucked up shit happens. Cause you knowwww there will be something.