#this is the most he's ever done to stand up for us... idk. it's bittersweet. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sylvie-writes · 3 years

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𝐀𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐦 ✯ 𝐒. 𝐑𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

word count: 4,000

pairing: steve rogers x female reader

summary: If one had to live the same day over and over again, it would be most sensible of them to choose the best one. Well unfortunately for you, you didn’t get a choice.

warnings: angst

a/n: this was the one-shot i had posted a preview of and i apologize for taking so long to post it. i couldn’t decide how to end it so then i took a poll and it was a fluffy ending, which helped me a bit! thanks! btw sorry if the formatting looks weird. on my computer it looks weird, but on my phone it looks normal so idk.

please excuse any mistakes!

☆════ ⋆★⋆ ════☆

For the first time in years, you awoke to notice the light of the sun and how it ever so brightly twinkled. The sun had never actually disappeared, but today you had actually taken the time to notice it in all of its glory. Just the mere sight brought a bittersweet smile to your face, along with the feeling of delight, something you had missed so dearly during the dark period of time that had finally ended yesterday. Half of the world had disappeared for what seemed forever and with that no longer looming over your head, you could actually live and enjoy life for what it is. It may sound cliche, but the sun did seem brighter to you now, and the world a happier place after being reset. Last night, you had watched the news and for the first time in forever, it was enjoyable. On the screen, images of people reuniting along with many others sending words of thanks to your crew mates turned family, the Avengers.

Today, you were mostly relishing in the peace, but just a small bit of worry settled in your stomach as Steve was returning the stones back to their normal timelines. No matter how many times Sam offered to go with him, the stubborn man refused, still ready to take the risk on his own. Times like these made you miss Nat even more as she was probably the only person, aside from you, to be able to talk Steve out of anything. Instead of continuing to dwell on the matter that was out of your hands, you turned away from the sunny window and to your left. The sound of your shuffling in the sheets must’ve awoken the man beside you as his grip tightened its hold on your waist. He pulled you closer into his chest and then wrapped two arms around you, forming a warm and inviting hug. After some sleepy groaning, lips met the top of your head which you could only tell by feeling since your face was currently being squished into the man.

“Good Morning, gorgeous. What time is it?” Steve picked his chin up from the top of your head, peering over to your nightstand where the clock sat. As he did so, he noticed you were squeezing your eyes shut and murmuring some silent “no’s” and “it’s not time yet.”

He chuckled at your defiance and then unwrapped his arms so he could lean back and instead run his fingers through your hair. “I hate to break it to you, but we have to meet the rest of the team in an hour.”

Turning onto your stomach, you threw your face into Steve’s pillow while also ignoring his annoying bright smile as if he was entertained. “Ugh, can’t they just wait. It’s not like the stones have suddenly grown feet and are gonna run away.”

“Hon, you’ve left me no choice.”

It got freakishly quiet and next thing you knew, Steve had thrown back the sheets and thrown you over his shoulder.

“Steve! I was just about to get up!!” You quickly sat up to face the blonde and not his backside which caused him to somehow gently rotate you in a way that you were now being held bridal style. Steve simply shrugged and kissed your forehead before heading to the bathroom to start the shower, you still in his arms.

☆════ ⋆★⋆ ════☆

It was only supposed to be seconds.

And as of now, it has been at least a minute.

All hell's breaking loose at the moment. Bucky, feet glued to the ground, looks around as if Steve is gonna magically appear and Sam is worriedly questioning Bruce who is anxiously messing with the buttons of his controls. On the other hand, you are still staring at the platform, the traffic in your mind finally halting which ultimately caused you to drop to the floor in shock. As you were out cold on the ground, Sam looked over for a split second and luckily caught you in his sight.

About fifteen minutes later, you woke up in the infirmary. You looked to your right where Bruce was standing with a water while Bucky and Sam waved at you from the nearby seats. Your first reaction was anger as you saw the three here and not working on getting Steve back who was currently nowhere in sight. Rejecting the bottle, you sat up straight. With fire in your eyes, you stared at Bruce, “Where is he?”

The gentle giant just shook his head, urging you to drink more water. Immediately, you ripped the i.v tube from your arm, ignoring the slight burn and then the draft from the paper gown that clothed your body. Just as you made it to the door, both Sam and Bucky held out their hands, stopping you from exiting.

“Woah woah, missy. Where do you think you are going?”

Bucky slowly reached out to place a hand on your waist in a way to make sure that you wouldn’t run off while Sam distracted you further.

“To find Steve.”

Sam sucked in a harsh breath and folded his arms over his chest. “(y/n). We all care about both you and Steve very much-”

“If you did care, then you’d be out there looking for him!” Your emotions had finally bubbled over and now resentful tears were starting to emerge.

“Think about what you just said because it doesn’t make sense! We are just as worried as you are and we’ve done everything, and I mean everything, we can. He’s gone.” Sam’s eyes softened and he put a hand on your shoulder, “Please get some rest. There’s nothing else to be done.” The stubbornness started to subside and in turn, reality seeped into your mind. You then looked to Bucky, seeing that he was looking at you the same way as Sam.

“Sam and I will be on the lookout. I promise (y/n). Steve wouldn’t want you up right now and you know that.”

With a childlike huff you turned back towards the bed as the two men ushered you to it.

☆════ ⋆★⋆ ════☆

Hours must have passed because next thing you knew it was morning again and you were back in your own bed. It was somewhat shocking as you felt as good as new, possibly even better than you’ve felt before. As you finally awoke, you felt something heavy on your waist and looking down, you noticed an arm slung around your torso. You blinked a few times to make sure it was real and your mind then ran to the most sensible conclusion.

Whispering, you stared at the hand as if it was foreign, “Bucky?”

Suddenly a voice replied in all of its deepend glory, “Sorry, doll, but it’s Steve.”

The hand then moved and you heard sheets shuffling as Steve turned onto his back to stretch his arms with an overdramatic yawn.

You shot up faster than an eager student’s hand. With a soft gasp you brought a hand to your lips. It couldn’t be…

“W-When did-d you get back?” It was quiet, but Steve’s enhanced hearing picked it up just as he had done so a few seconds before.

“What do you mean?” He looked at you with pure confusion.

“You returned the time stones. Yesterday… And you never came back.”

Dark blonde eyebrows creased together and a hand made its way to your forehead. “(y/n), you are worrying me. We aren’t returning the stones until today. Are you okay? What did you eat last night?”

Before Steve could mother goose anymore, you clumsily shuffled out of the bed, but not removing eye contact from the man. “I’ll-I’ll be right back.”

You slipped on shoes, apparently mismatched ones, but you were too anxious to care. In a millisecond, the bedroom door was shut. You, running out like you were fearing for your life and Steve on the other side, concerned and confused.

☆════ ⋆★⋆ ════☆

“GUYS, THEY ARE REAL! WE ARE GONNA NEED TO GO INTO LOCKDOWN!”

Running into the kitchen like a madwoman, you screamed the words you believed to be true. The innocent bystanders, Scott and Wanda, were currently gathering the rest of their things, while Bruce stood in the kitchen making breakfast. Everyone had been ready to go off onto their own paths after the events of yesterday (including Tony’s funeral), but currently you thought you held some mind-blowing information that would stop time, so to say.

“(y/n) what’s happening?” Wanda threw down her box and rushed to your side as you were already talking a mile a minute. None of them could understand a single word for it sounded like absolute gibberish.

“There is a shapeshifter in my room. You know, those things Carol talked about! I thought she was bullshitting us, but the Skrulls or whatever are real. What are we gonna do? I know there are some th-”

“Darling, what are you going on about? There’s nothing in our room, I just came from there. You’ve been acting weird all morning.” Entering the common area, Steve leaned up against the doorway before beginning to approach your shaking form.

Absolute horror in your eyes, you looked at Steve in terror as he now tenderly held your wrists in his hands.

“It’s you.”

He titled his head like a confused puppy while the rest of the onlookers stood by. You weren’t sure what to say for if you said “it’s him,” that would be equivalent to standing in a bank robbery and calling the cops right in front of the shooter. Rather you went with what you thought was smart and uttered Wanda’s name.

It took her a second, but she looked as if she had caught on once having invaded your thoughts. Although, your hope was lost when she ended up mirroring Steve’s perplexed look.

Taking matters into your own hands (quite literally,) you roughly shook your hands free from Steve’s loving hold and walked over to the nearby side table, discreetly eying the lamp. From first glance, it looked to the team members as if you were simply going to turn on the light, but all of a sudden, the lamp was in your hands and ready to launch at Steve. A mixture of “stops” and gasps sounded when it flew in the air. The team was quick to act, but it all happened in slow-motion for you.

The lamp froze in the air with a red aura surrounding it thanks to Wanda while Steve tossed himself at you to avoid the incoming object. Of course, by doing so he rolled to make sure not to crush you while making impact with the ground. Once everything stopped, the lamp was returned to its place and your teammates started to slowly approach, you went to stand up, but Steve’s grasp stopped you. In fact, he flipped you over so your back was now on the carpet, an aggravated blonde now hanging over your body. His hands were pinning down your once flailing arms and his eyes burned into your own.

“(y/n). Tell me what is going on. Now.” Rarely did Steve ever use this tone with you. Actually, he’s never used it with you. It also occurred to you that you probably looked a bit insane to your friends and boyfriend, so you figured it was time to come clean. If they thought you were deranged, then oh well. What else was there to do?

“If you aren’t a shapeshifter then what’s happening!?!”

You reached out to grab the fistfuls of his shirt before beginning to cry quietly. Steve could sense you were really upset over whatever this is because you were never one to act in such an irrational way. At this point, Bruce, Wanda and Scott stood by, concerned for you and the current situation. Steve leisurely leaned down, pressing a comforting kiss to your temple before hovering by your ear.

“What is wrong, my love? Tell me so I can help you.”

Stopping the tears, you peered up at the man who you trusted your life with. So far, you had managed to convince yourself that this was really your Steve, but that only left one conclusion, yet you didn’t want to believe it. Not yet anyway.

“Steve, you disappeared...yesterday. I can remember it all, I swear.” Your voice died down as you thought of a way to convince them. “Bruce, tell them, you were there too! Please, I’ve already lived this day.”

Chiming in from the back was Bruce, “What day do you think it is then?”

You replied the date at which Wanda told you that it wasn’t, but rather that it was the day before.

Steve had loosened his hold on you at this point and you managed to scoot up and lean up back against the side table.

“So then what does that mean? I’m living the same day… over again?”

Everyone started to nod in acceptance like they were welcoming the idea and you just suddenly burst out, hysterically laughing at the ridiculousness.“Well that’s just great, guys! I’ve lost my damn mind. It’s okay you all don’t have to play along, just ship me away already, will y’a?”

“I’ve gone off the rails, Steven. How do you even put up with this!?” You motioned to yourself in disgust and Steve laughed, shaking his head. “Sweetheart, I’ve seen a lot, especially these last five years, so this doesn’t even sound remotely crazy.”

Scott moved closer to reassure you. “No, (y/n), you haven’t! This is entirely possible. believe it or not. In simplest terms, it’s like that movie,” The man paused to think before shining a boastful smile at you, “Groundhog’s Day. You know, the one with Bill Murray.”

Bruce piped up from his distant spot in the kitchen, “Not another movie, Scott! We’ve already discussed this, just because it was in a movie, doesn’t make it true.”

“Hey, don’t knock it till you try it. That IS how we found time travel after all. Thank god my parents let me watch Back to the Future or else-”

The doctor looked at Scott with a face that practically screamed “fair enough and please just shut up,” which the rambling man took note of as he quickly piped down. (You took note of this situation and for future reference remembered not to ask them this question for the rest of the time you’d live this day.)

From there, you and the team spent the rest of the time trying to figure whatever it is before Steve had to leave with the stones. You only hoped that night everything would be normal or that this was really just a bad and very vivid dream.

An extremely bad one.

☆════ ⋆★⋆ ════☆

Unfortunately, you awoke the next morning in the same position that you’d love to be in any other day, which was Steve’s arm cocooning you.

Starting from today on and for the next ten days or so, you’d approach the day as such.

In the morning, you’d try your hardest to convince Steve to not leave.

He’d ask you why and you’d come up with some bullshit excuse, different from the day before, along with some puppy eyes that the man would just laugh at. As you pouted, he’d kiss your sulking lips and murmur “you’re so silly, doll.”

No matter how many times you tried to convince him, he ironically always said that exact phrase in return.

Needless to say it was a bit annoying and you were tired of living the same day over and over again. Steve would never not do something for the world unless it meant hurting you. If only he knew that this simple act was like driving a knife straight through your heart.

You tried to keep count of the amount of days on a piece of paper, but soon discovered that would be useless by day two since it just disappeared into thin air.

Of all the days to relive, it just had to be the one where Steve vanished. Yet, no matter how many times you live that day, a pit of angst always settled in your stomach even though you knew what was to come later on that day. It was absolute torture seeing the love of your life perish before you and you couldn’t do anything to change it. Sometimes at night, while you laid alone, you’d wonder why of all the days that it had to be this one. What had you done to piss off the universe so bad?

Finally, by what you assumed was day eight, you just accepted your fate and decided to just have some fun with it. If you were gonna have to suffer, you might as well make something out of the day. Granted you were gonna solve cancer or help homelessness because your efforts would be reset the “next” day.

As the team prepared for Steve’s departure, you’d be out eating tons and tons of your favorite meals knowing that it wouldn’t affect you tomorrow. One day you even spontaneously caught a plane to some country you’d never even visited and just blew an unfathomable amount of money. On other days, you had also invested time and money into getting your hair done into impossible and whacky styles while simultaneously regretting not having painted your nails the day before. It was stupid to worry about or even bring up, but they were constantly chipped and it was aggravating to look at as you foolishly sped through the city in an expensive car that wouldn’t be yours tomorrow.

What you were doing was absolutely careless, reckless and just downright out of character for anyone, especially you. Yet when you knew it all wouldn’t matter tomorrow, you carried on with your disregard for the world. Numb from the pain you were just trying to feel something.

When it finally came time for Steve to leave, you’d bid him goodbye and when he vanished, you would see Sam, Bucky, and Bruce’s shocked expressions for what felt like the thousandth time. Honestly, you knew they wouldn’t remember and instead you’d just walk away, trying your best to not let your emotions jump out once more. You figured that after the tenth day, you were just desensitized and that you should be unaffected by now, when in reality you were still hurting. At this point, even though you got to spend time with Steve, your hours hurting outweighed your hours enjoying life.

There was no use in any longer faking to yourself. The logic of “what you think is what you become,” wasn’t helping so you instead swallowed the bitter pill of reality and moved on. For real this time.

You had finally come to accept that Steve was gonna be gone and no one knew when he’d come back, but you knew one thing.

The pain of constantly seeing him disappear, knowing there was nothing you could say or do to stop him because boy did you try, was much more profound than that of the pain you felt when he was just gone. There was more hope for him to return that way than not moving on at all.

☆════ ⋆★⋆ ════☆

Somehow, by doing so and accepting the truth, the universe reset that night.

You woke up and Steve wasn’t there.

For having lived the same day on repeat for at least 3 weeks time, you knew with absolute certainty that he was gonna be there.

These people you’d been living were practically programmed with a script so there was surely no way anything could change unless…

“Hey (y/n) glad to see you are awake. We have some good news.”

At that moment Sam popped his head in from the hallway and you couldn’t keep a smile at bay.

It was finally a new day.

The man gave you a confused look, but was happy nonetheless to see you.

“Wow, you seem pretty chipper for someone who has been through a lot in the past few hours. You good?” Sam came to your bedside and gave you a blueberry muffin wrapped in a thin napkin. It was hard to come by muffins in the compound, let alone breakfast at all, and you felt a ping of joy when you noticed that Sam remembered your favorite snack. He’d always have your back whether it was a muffin or a bullet.

“It’s nothing. I am just happy that today is a new day and I can start with a clean slate.” Taking a bite into the muffin, you relished in the fresh and spongy cake while your conscience scolded you for not indulging in these during your everlasting day from hell.

“I don’t know what’s gotten to you, but I am loving the cringe-worthy optimism. Speaking of which, I have something to add to that.” You ignored the subtle dig at your newfound look on life and rather keened in on the last half of his words.

“Did you-” Tears started to brim your eyes. Happy ones. Soon your muffin was long forgotten as you threw off the covers and stood from the bed. Sam was quick to stand as well, steadying you when your sheets got tangled at your feet and you spun a bit.

☆════ ⋆★⋆ ════☆

There he was.

Your Steve was standing before you with a look of adoration on his face while his arms were wide open, beckoning you to him.

“How?” A gasp of question fell from your lips and at this point you were sure your body and mind were gonna explode from this extra case of surprise, as if you hadn’t been through enough of that. It was astronomical that you could even feel that emotion at this point.

“Scott discovered that we somehow ripped time?” You furrowed your brows and Steve continued on. “ When you all sent me back to return, I guess it was a bit miscalculated.”

So it wasn’t all a dream? Could it really be that you had lived the same day on repeat? It was like someone had accidentally hit the repeat button for a song one too many times, but instead of a song, it was your life?

“Now I am not good with all the technical things, but apparently it stopped time in a way. Dr. Banner even said that it could have caused for some to experience some type of repetitive time abnormality!” Steve chuckled, not understanding a single word that he was saying to you. It was like a foreign language to him. He blamed it on being from a time where technology barely existed, but you and the rest of the team were quick to reassure him that it was confusing for all.

“Oh, if only you all knew.” Wrapping your arms around Steve’s slim waist, you nestled your face into his chest, inhaling his cologne and embracing his warmth. Steve placed his lips on the crown on your head and you two stayed that way for an eternity,

One day maybe you’d tell them the story, but for now you were gonna relish in the time you had with Steve. If you had learned anything from your experience, it was that time was a tricky thing and that you shouldn’t hold a grudge as life did on you for that day. You will never make any progress if you do. Live in the moment and roll with the punches life throws in your direction.

taglist: @memissbee @tricereads @buckybarnesthehotshot @bval-1 @tonystankschild @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @turtoix @kelbabyblue @jakiki94 @aubreeskailynn @calirindo @lady-elena-adeline @siriuslyslyslytherin @sushiinmidnight @patzammit @iwik3it

#Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x female reader #Chris Evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans au #Steve Rogers au #steve rogers and reader #chris evans x reader

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lady-janes-smut-stash · 3 years

Note

umm.. is it ok to ask for tokoyami fit of him and his s/o waltzing in the air at night??

Of course! Sorry, it took a hot minute- I like to keep *reader* quirkless for self-insert reasons, so for a while, this fic was....well....

I had Hawks carting Tokoyami around while Tokoyami struggled to keep hold of the reader... There was no dancing, they just dangled there like turds in the wind while Hawks sings Belle Notte from the ‘Lady and the Tramp’ spaghetti kiss scene to try and set the mood for his birb bro...ಠ_ಠ

If you don’t get what I mean, I made a visual for you:

Luckily I remembered Uraraka- Idk why I forgot about her in the first place- but here, I present you with a SFW fic of about 1000 or so words......*Drumrolls*......

MOONLIGHT WALTZ

Moonlight streamed through the curtains of your open window to reflect off your tv screen. The night was warm but you huddled under your fluffy comforter, using it to cover your mouth and muffle your giggles.

Popcorn peppered your corner of the sofa and scattered the carpet below but your attention was rapt on the screen before you. You leaned forward to catch the lyrics of your favorite song, keeping the volume low so as not to alert the dorm of your guilty pleasure.

Thumbelina, your favorite childhood movie played in your room at least once a month.

You knew every word and song- you still cried during the scene where the fairy prince is caught in the ice. The movie held so many pleasant memories you couldn't help but indulge when the mood struck.

Rustling hit your ear from the side but you ignored it, grasping the remote to turn up the volume a few precious notches as your favorite song started. You blushed, scooting to the edge of your seat to sing along with the movie.

“Let me be yoOouuur wiIiIIingssss! Let me be your ooOOoonly loOoove!” You were tone-deaf but that didn’t stop you from belting out lyrics. “Everything your dreEAaammMming of will soOoOon be- SHIT!”

You shrieked, tumbling headfirst off the sofa in a popcorn covered heap of blankets and limbs.

“TOKOYAMI!” Your boyfriend stood by the door holding his beak as he trembled with laughter, Dark Shadow was no better as he rolled on the floor with a transparent hand clasped over his mouth and a fist smacking against the floor. “When did?... How long have you been standing-”

“THE WHOLE TIME!” Dark Shadow burst with laughter, you curled the blanket over your head wishing you could crawl into a hole. “The whole- Your singing! Oh god, babe!” Dark Shadow feigned wiping tears from his glowing yellow eyes.

Your relationship with Tokoyami was only a couple weeks old, and you had forgotten he was coming over to study tonight.

You were too humiliated…

“Dark Shadow, enough!” Tokoyami was the first to collect himself, his clothes rustled as he made his way towards your spot on the floor. “Sorry, there was no answer when I knocked and I-”

“It’s okay,” You mumbled, “But, can I be alone for a little bit?”

Your face burned hot at being caught singing along to a cheesy children's movie, you were thankful they couldn't see you. You adored Tokoyami and Dark Shadow, they were so cool and edgy- as their girlfriend- you wanted to be the same...

“Of course, take all the time you need.” The weight of his hand rested warmly on your head for a breath before disappearing, fading footsteps signaled his retreat.

“Don’t take too long,” Dark shadow threw back, “we will be waiting.”

The door clicked shut.

Your eyes water, you couldn't help the sniffles that followed. Your relationship was so new and Tokoyami was so edgy… You had never seen him be anything other than cool and collected.

Would he still want you after seeing this goofy side of you?

You sat on the carpet, your blanket draped around you like a thick veil as your emotions ran their course, Thumbelina played on in the background, the music bittersweet.

KNOCK, KNOCK!

“L/N, you okay in there?” Uraraka’s familiar voice pulled you from your thoughts, you yanked the blanket off your head gathering it around you like a shaw.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Are you coming out? I think Tokoyami is waiting for you.”

“I’ll be out in a minute!” You stood, dropping your blanket to throw on a presentable outfit. Maybe he had forgotten all about it?

You pulled yourself together, being caught singing wasn’t the end of the world. You were making a mountain of a molehill, Tokoyami and Dark Shadow liked you for who you are- told you as much the first time they asked you out.

You fixed your hair and checked your face before rushing to the door to find Uraraka waiting for you.

“He asked me to check on you, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not!” You blush, smiling at your friend. “I’m ready!” You walk past Uraraka and make your way to his room and knock on his door.

“Come in, Babe!” Dark Shadow’s voice rang out. You opened the door to the most 90’s emo room you had ever seen, spotting Tokoyami and Dark shadow on the balcony. You approached him with a shy smile that faded into a blush as he wraps his arm around your waist. Dark Shadow kissed your forehead with a smack before wrapping his transparent form around your body like a frigid snake.

“Ehem.” You startled at the sound behind you, shocked to find Uraraka had followed you into Tokoyami’s room.

“Uhhh.” You cling to your boyfriend, your brow furrowed as you stare at your friend. “Is this an unsubtle way of asking for a threesome?”

“Hyo!”

“Pfffft!”

Uraraka and Tokoyami choked and sputtered as Dark Shadow popped his head between you, “Wouldn’t that be more of a foursome, babe?”

“No, that’s not-”

“No, no, no, I’m not staying!” Uraraka leaps forward to smack Tokoyami and you on the shoulder hard enough to knock you both back. “My job is done here, your welcome, have fun, bye!” She shouts before sprinting out of the room and slamming the door behind her.

“What just- whoa!” Your feet leave the floor and you flail weightlessly about the room until Tokoyami anchors you with a hand. You turn to him, finding him floating beside you with a smile on his face.

“I asked her for a favor,” he mumbles, “I figured you could use a date more than a study session…Earlier, we didn’t intend to embarrass you and we want to make up for it.”

Dark shadow nods before disappearing into the bedroom to retrieve Tokoyami’s phone. Your favorite cheesy Thumbelina song starts to play and you squeal, giddy with excitement.

Tokoyami bowed, grinning as he offered you a hand, “Care to dance?”

“I would be honored.” You make your best attempt at a gravity-free curtsy before taking his hand with a bright smile. He kicked off of the balcony dragging you into the open air behind him. Looking back, any trepidation about floating disappeared as you noticed Dark Shadow kept you both anchored by hugging the balcony rail.

You floated high, illuminated by the blue glow of the full moon, Tokoyami’s warm arms circled you in a loving embrace as the two of you swayed the night away in your best imitation of a proper waltz...

#bnha #bnha fic #bnha tokoyami #tokoyami x reader #x reader #hawks #fanart #fanfiction #boku no hero academia #tokoyami fumikage #tokoyami fumikage x reader #floof #fluff #sfw #mha #mha tokoyami #dark shadow #dark shadow x reader #my hero academia

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emilyblame · 3 years

Text

so, i talked about album openers, and if you have me, i’d love to talk album closers now. because, there’s nothing better than a album closer that makes you feel like you absolutely have to press repeat. here’s my favorite 10 in alphabetical order by band.

THE END. - AS IT IS / THE GREAT DEPRESSION.

what a good way to start this list, and what a perfect ending to this album. The Great Depression in its whole is incredible-- dare i say a masterpiece-- but this song stands out to me because it manages to be angry and defeated and almost uncomfortable. i mean, that bridge? come on! i can’t wait to listen to new music from As It Is, such a talented group of people i’ll miss Ben and Foley tho :(

GOODBYE - BILLIE EILISH / WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP WHERE DO WE GO?

what can i say? i’m a sucker for a good reprise. one of my favorite things about this album is that it’s a very cohesive piece of artwork even though all the tracks seemed to be stand-alone singles. this last track is the perfect example of that as it is the sum up of the greatest hits of each song. i just love it. i think it’s a pretty clever way to finish an album.

THE LITTLE THINGS GIVE YOU AWAY - LINKIN PARK / MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT

i mean, this song ends so epically, please. and i only put this one because it’s my favorite one, but “Powerless” and “Sharp Edges” are also strong album closers. i mean, i still can’t listen to “Sharp Edges” without breaking down in tears. i miss you, Chester :(

PLAY THIS WHEN I’M GONE - MACHINE GUN KELLY / TICKETS TO MY DOWNFALL

ah, this fucking song. he went and wrote a suicide letter to his kid. i mean, are you trying to break my heart into a million little pieces or you just happened to do it by chance? this song is so brutally honest, if you’re not in tears by the end of it, are you even capable of crying anymore?

FAMOUS LAST WORDS - MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE / THE BLACK PARADE

i mean, no shit, right? this is one of my ultimate most favorite MCR songs. i still get goosebumps whenever i listen to it (it’s been 15 years for fucks sake). hell, i cried my eyes out when i listened to it live. i just love this band so damn much.

THE BETRAYAL (ACT I) - NICKELBACK / FEED THE MACHINE

say whatever you fucking want about Nickelback, but it’s a good band. and this song is so fucking good. Ryan Peake, i fucking love you. Incredible guitar player.

DYING IN L.A. - PANIC! AT THE DISCO / PRAY FOR THE WICKED

so, to be honest this is one of my favorite things Brendon’s ever written. the pauses, the belting, the melody, the fact that’s just piano and strings-- ugh! i can’t even... still, much like Linkin Park, let us not forget about “Build God, Then We’ll Talk” and “Nearly Witches (Ever Since We Met)”, because those two are incredible album closers. fuck, i miss Ryan Ross, just take him back, Brendon!

UNDERWARE - SUGARCULT / START STATIC

ok, technically a hidden track BUT it’s still the song that closes the album. and if you don’t like it then we can totally talk about “I Changed My Name” because it’s my favorite fucking song in the whole world, so--

TWENTY ØNE PILØTS

bare with me here, because all-- and i mean every single fucking one of them-- of twenty øne piløts’ album closers are fire. quiet fire, but fire nonetheless. from “Isle Of Flightless Birds” to “Leave The City”, look me in the eye and tell me none of them have you in tears by the end. i love how Tyler excels at ending an album on a bittersweet and sad yet hopeful tone consistently. ahh, i love this band so fucking much, so much talent.

I FELT YOUNGER WHEN WE MET - WATERPARKS / FANDOM

and we’re back at closing the post with a Waterparks song. and from the same album, no less! such a strong song to end Fandom with, for fucks sake! the abrupt ending, the looping back to “Cherry Red”... boi, yas. love it. i think the fact that this song loops back to the very beginning of the album is one of the most clever things Awsten has ever done (yet).

HONORABLE MENTIONS!

“Men Are All The Same” by The Used from their album Artwork. speaking of reprises... aahh... so good. this album is so fucking flawless through and through, man... i love the whole thing so much. i feel like The Used is such a huge band but we still not talk about them enough.

“exist” by Bleak Soul (aka: Ben Langford-Biss, ex-As It Is) from album existential meditation. is it an EP? technically? idk, no one cares. speaking of me crying to a song. my favorite thing about this song being the closing track is that at first listen it seems to be very happy and makes you think, ‘oh, great! so the album isn’t that depressing after all!’ and then you pay attention to the lyrics and you realize it’s probably the most depressing song on the album, EP, whatever. i fucking love it.

speaking of EPs... “Burned Out” by dodie, Human EP. listen, i’m serious about this girl. she’s so fucking talented. she deserves more attention!!! ugh, can’t wait for her debut album to drop in March. but back to the song, it’s the perfect contrast to “Arms Unfolding”, that starts all hopeful and bright; “Burned Out” ends out on a very sour note. but the lyrics are something that needed to be said, not only for dodie’s own personal story but also to portray a view from the artist’s perspective of what meet&greets and just what being a public figure in general feels like.

“Starting Over” by Evan Taubenfeld from unreleased album Just Sign Here... i mean. this man just gets me, but aside from that. stunning album closer.

“Born For This”, Paramore, Riot! talk about getting hyped by the end of an album, amirite? love that they used to open shows with this track. and speaking of Paramore: “Tell Me How“ from After Laughter. again, perfect contrast to the beginning of the album. love that.

and last but not least... “How Did I Fall In Love With You?” by Backstreet Boys from album Black & Blue. Howie D. belting, need i say more? didn’t think so. but given i’m here... the harmonies, the fact that it’s just piano and strings (my weakness in case you haven’t noticed). also, the song is about falling in love with your best friend and i’m a fucking sucker for a good love story.

#as it is #billie eilish #linkin park #machine gun kelly #my chemical romance #nickelback #panic! at the disco #sugarcult #twenty one pilots #waterparks #idk what to tag this it's a me thing?

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gamerwoo · 3 years

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(header by the lovely & talented @akirabfs)

Hongseok: Bittersweet (Intro 3/3 -- hongseok’s friends)

Characters: Hongseok x female reader

Genre/warnings: college au, sugar daddy au, gamer/streamer au, fluff, angst, crack, maybe implied smut but idk if there will be actual smut???

Summary: You were looking for a sugar daddy to make more money. Hongseok was looking for a sugar baby to get his friends off his back. But once you find out what he’s using you for, you don’t want anything to do with him. Unfortunately, you love his money more than you hate him.

a/n: more about the characters below the cut!!!

Previous | Next | Bittersweet Masterlist

hongseok: is the man of the hour. he’s beautiful and knows it, he’s charming and knows it, and he’s loaded and doesn’t know what to do with it lmao. he’s gone his entire college career without a relationship because he’s only had flings and one-night stands because that’s just how he is. because of that, his friends won’t get off his back about having an actual relationship, so he decides to use his wealth and good looks to become a sugar daddy.

jinho: is one of the top music majors at the university, but he’s also 100% done with college and his friends most of the time. he doesn’t have the time or patience to put up with anybody’s bullshit. he’s one of the only responsible ones.

hui: is just trying to do his best. he loves two things: music, and making people happy. but despite his pure intentions, his friends do nothing but pick on him. he’s not the brightest person anyway, so it’s pretty easy to rag on him. but he just wants what’s best for his friends and for everyone to be happy.

shinwon: will create chaos if there is none. he’s never been one for “normal” and he’s absolutely shameless. with shinwon, nothing’s ever boring.

changgu: merely exists. he’s just out here trying to do his best, really. he does’t really have the time to keep up with his friend’s shenanigans but he will check in once in a while because he wants to know what’s happening.

hyunggu: goes by kino, and he’s trying to make it as a singer/producer. he always tries to do the right thing or make the best decisions. he’s kind of the voice of reason.

wooseok: is like shinwon where he creates chaos and thrives from it. he likes seeing how things play out, but often times doesn’t even know what’s going on himself. he’s just here for a good time.

(yanan and yuto were included in the other intros so i didn’t add them here but just know they’re both in this friend group)

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tar-oh · 4 years

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Pick A Pile: What’s Coming At you in love

So, a few weeks ago I started a pile that ended up feeling really heavy and just not what you needed to hear. Like, I think a lot of us were going through some stuff (and maybe still are) and at that moment, it wasn’t a love message you guys needed. So, today I did a new one and this one felt so much better and happier? Also, you can tell I’m procrastinating schoolwork. lol So anyway, this is about what’s coming towards you in love. Most of the piles seem to focus on things that are already kind of going on, but some seemed to be about new things. So, I really do have to ask that you please only take what resonates and not try to make anything that doesn’t fit, fit. My biggest fear is that I’m going to give someone some false hope, so if it really does not sound like you or your situation, then don’t take it. But, also, know that it’s a general reading so it may not fit you and it also may be just super vague. That being said, you can choose more than one because maybe there’s one with more of the message for you or there’s more than one person coming towards you? Anyway, just choose the one you feel most called to.

Today, I’m feeling a Musketeers vibe so I’m using a picture of the guys from BBC’s Musketeers for you guys to choose: 1: Aramis, 2: Athos, 3: D’Artagnan, 4: Porthos :

Pile 1: Aramis

Cards: The Empress, 7 of Wands reversed, King of Swords, The Hierophant reversed, 8 of wands reversed, Death I kind of get the sense that this pile is one that's been alone for a bit. I mean, maybe not a really long time, but like some of you were. With the empress I see that you're taking care of yourself, and even though it's 7 of wands and reversed, I get kind of a 9 of pentacles feel from this particular card. In this one she's just smelling the flowers, but content. But with it reserved, I see like this idea of feeling alone? Like, okay the first song that played when I started this pile was Moonlight Lines by Movements, and it's about two people who just kind of want someone to fill their bed with them. Like, this sense of wanting another body with them. Basically, a one night stand, but also someone to sleep next to for a night, right? I'm not necessarily getting a one-night-stand vibe as what's coming towards you (really, not at all), more just that feeling of wanting someone to be with you at night. A body beside yours. And, like this empress energy is you taking care of yourself but also you wanting to care for someone else. And, 7 of wands being reversed can be an exhausted energy. Like a, when am I going to find someone? But, also, I draw that 9 of pentacles feeling from it too because it's not like you're not doing okay. Like, I think you've been fine alone, but now you're just bored. The next song that played was Love Took The Last Of It by Movements, and I kind of think maybe you've been burned and maybe it took you a while to feel better and want to open up again. Or, maybe you just kind of have a habit of getting into situations that aren't for you and they fall through, so like, you're tired of this. I get the Death card with that, like you want to end this cycle. And I see death as being that, an end to a cycle. I always talk about how much I love that card, it's the card of change. Like, yes it means endings, but beginnings too? So, like, you're just ready to move out of this energy of being alone. The hierophant being reversed to me means that whoever it is coming towards you is not really your usual type. Upright, the Heirophant is all about convention and playing by the rules, and reversed it'd be the opposite, though I'm not reading it that way with this reading. Especially not with the King of Swords showing up. No, instead I'm just reading the Hierophant reversed as maybe this is someone who maybe at first when you meet, you're kind of like, "Oh, I don't know. They're not really following the standards I look out for." I don't mean someone not good for you. I mean, like as in maybe you have a list in your mind and this person doesn't really have all of those things on that list. Maybe they check a few, but there's a few things where you're kind of thinking that maybe it won't work. But, with the King of Swords, I see that they're really honest, maybe to a fault. And, the king on this particular card is old, but I don't really think it's that way for everyone, though I feel like for many of you there is an age gap but I don't think it's one like in this card where the girl towards the bottom of the card looks younger and he looks like he could be her grandpa or something. But, I think that him being older here also might point out that one of you is really wise. Like, old-soul wise. So maybe this is someone you look up to? A mentor of some sort, or just someone you look to for advice. I'm not sure. This could be reversed, and maybe your older than them/they look up to you, and maybe it's even that you're not their usual type? With the 8 of wands being reversed, I see that maybe this is just going to take a bit longer than you'd want. Like, maybe you two need more time to get to know each other. Or, even meet I guess since this is more along the lines of what's coming towards you. Anyway, I see it as coming slowly. Maybe it's delayed a little (which, I mean, at least here in the USA, things are still pretty crappy with Covid and doesn’t look to be getting better) So, this might just be a while out. But, again, with the death card, I see it being an end of a cycle. So maybe before you both can meet or end up together/around each other, you need to close out some things. Like, the Death card REALLY sticks out to me today. And it's funny because, it's the Scorpio card, and so that's like around Halloween, right? The Lovely Omen's deck Death card is so pretty. She wears this black and white striped suit, and like, it reminds me SO much of Beetlejuice lol so I'm getting halloween vibes here, so maybe that's significant to you both, like maybe a birthday in Scorpio season, or the surrounding sign seasons through out like Oct-Nov? Or, maybe that movie's plot has something significant to you both? (seeing this also with King of Swords too, like air signs, so Libra season so, again, october?) Or, maybe it's as simple as it being black and white and like again going back to the Heirophant being reversed and this idea that this is someone who may not fit what you're originally looking for or vice-versa, maybe it's like stop looking at everything so black and white. Look at the greys in between, right? I also want to point out that she's also wearing a moon necklace on the card, and this deck has a lot of references to the moon and stars in the other cards, but this necklace always stands out to me because it's reminds me of how with change comes uncertainty. So maybe it's going to feel really uncertain, especially with the idea of looking at the grays in between? Like, its kind of scary, but like, nothing in life is ever really all that certain? So, like, this unknown is staring straight at you, and I think these cards are kind of saying, "You obviously know how to take care of yourself, so you're going to be okay. Just try something new" Like, oof. I don't know where that last sentence came from, but yeah! Exactly how I'm feeling about this! Or. This person does have gray hair. Lol i mean I’m fairly young for gray hair and I get them when I’m super stressed. Like, look at Logan Lerman, he looks GORGEOUS with gray hair (and Im his age so!!! High Five to us for premature gray hairs!) (Okay, I had written earlier that this didn't seem like new energy but I deleted it because I was like idk, but the song Seneca by Movements came on -which i have it on shuffle but for some reason it's only playing this album?- and it's about someone thinking about how they still love an ex who's now engaged and like how bittersweet it is how they enjoy how happy they look but they miss them and like! Idk! for some this is definitely an ex, but for others it just someone you know already probably!!!) So, maybe even if it's not someone new, it's a new situation? Like, maybe this relationship with this person, even if you've never been in an actual one with them, it's like new to you both. New territory. And, the song In my Blood by Movements came on because again, it's not really shuffling the playlist, lol, but this feels like maybe this is someone you just have a connection to. Like, even if you two haven't known each other that long, you just feel that bond. And like going back to that scorpio energy, its intense I think. In that King of Swords card, that lady looks like she's kind of worshiping this king, and I think it's going to feel that way for both of you. Hopefully not like an obsessive thing, but more like a, you both really have the hots for each other and at any given point, you're both playing that lady on that card, hanging onto the other like that. And he looks really serious, so maybe someone here is really serious and more of an all-work-and-no-play kind of person, but like I don't read that as an absolute bummer. I read it more as someone who's like, just really good at getting shit done, even the hard stuff. Also, he's got a great body lmao so I think you're going to end up being super attracted to this person, even if it's not a jaw-dropping eyes meet the first time story, ya know? Like I said earlier, it's kind of a slow burn I think. I don't have any cups here, which I guess might pose a problem, because at first it seems like a lack of emotions? But I have swords and wands so I see a lot of action. But I also feel like you connect on an intellectual level, like I get that with the Hierophant (even if it's reversed) and King of Swords. I also feel like you'll have like an earthy kind of connection. Like, even though I feel there's a lot of passion, I also see that you two can just chill. Bottom of the deck energy for the Lovely Omens Deck was High Priestess. So, I definitely read this as you kind of maybe having a feeling that this is coming towards you. Also, with the hierophant, even with it being reversed, in this deck she's wearing moon earrings, but they're crescent moons. So, it's like the moon is whole with the two halves, and I definitely see that as another hint at knowing? Like, going back to the 7 of wands reversed and how I felt more of the 9 of pentacles with it instead, like you being alone for a while, but like maybe you kind of know something's going to happen. I think the death card also maybe says this to you, because you're aware that something's changing. Like, maybe you don't know exactly what, but it's changing and you feel this shift in the energy. The other deck has 7 of Swords here, and I really hate seeing this in a love reading, but I also kind of get that maybe it's just for those of you who do know each other, maybe at this exact moment you're not being truthful about feelings? Things that might be relevant: Taurus, Libra, Scorpio, October and November. Halloween. 13 or 31. 3, 7, Beetlejuice, I don't know! That black and white suit is so prominent to me today on that card! It always stands out but I never really thought about beetlejuice before, so lemme know if that resonates! Pile 2: Athos

Cards: Ace of Wands, 4 of Wands, Knight of Cups, The Hierophant, Judgement reversed, The Hanged Man With this one, I feel like someone in this is ignoring their feelings. Like, with the Hanged Man being here I definitely see that it's someone literally hanging back and thinking about things. And with Judgement reversed, I see that it's like a waiting period. So, I think this is an established connection, but like, nothings happening. Like, maybe not even communication, or like if there is, it's like you're not really talking. At least, not about what's going on between the two of you. And also Skin to Skin came on, and the first line in this song is interesting to me because it's "I'm certain that I'll circle back to you", so it's like neither of you are too worried, but maybe there's some frustration (but I don't really see that in the cards. They all kind of feel super chill, so I think whoever this is, they're really chill lol) There's also another line that makes me l think about this but also, the knight of cups gives me this vibe: "I know that you're so preoccupied..." And like, again, I feel this stagnation but like it's a chill one. Like you're both accepting that maybe it's supposed to happen? Just not now. And, so like this "preoccupied" person is like the hanged man, hanging back and thinking things through. I don't think it's that they're unsure. I think they know how they feel (the stars and the moons in her hair on the hangedman card definitely brings this to mind, like this knowing of the unknown, but also having hope, so it's like whoever this is, knows what they're not sure of if that makes sense! Same with the judgement card but she also has the sun on it! So she's holding all the hope, mysteries and happiness in her arms!!!) Ace of wands is like this new passion. Like, maybe after stagnancy is this moment where you two can express this passion, and with the Knight of Cups, I see that too. But, he's not moving on a horse like the other decks usually have. He's just sitting and look at that cup but looking really kind of...He looks like he's pouting honestly, but I don't get that from this. Like, he's looking at this covered cup and it's got stars, so again that hope is there. He has that hope, but it's covered up, so it's kept to him for now if that makes sense. But, with this ace of wands, I see a new start and like i think it's this start where he opens up that cup and out pours all those thoughts the hanged man had. And, the 4 of wands suggests this harmony that's coming with this. Like, you two just click and you balance each other out. And I'm sure you both know this. With this deck, sometimes you can read the looks on their faces two ways, like how the deck explains the card and also maybe a different way, so I kind of always can see two ways of looking at the faces. Some look sad but could also be contemplating things. This card is definitely one of those cards. This one is about bringing difficulties to an end with alliances, I don't really think this was that difficult? Like, maybe I'm not getting the whole story. Maybe this period of stagnation has been a long time and you're both just tired of not seeing each other now or talking more, but like, I guess this is kind of you two coming together and bringing an end to this period of nothing. And the look on the one girls face, the one in the yellow dress, she looks tired but she looks so into this other girl, so like I think that's kind of what's going to happen. One day you're both are going to just simultaneously agree that you're done with this nothing and want something? Like, I don't think you're going to say it before deciding it but once it's decided you BOTH are going to be opening up your star cups and pour it all out. Bottom deck energy for this is the Death card and the high priestess. I wasn't going to mention it, but I almost feel like for a few of you, you should check out pile 1, mostly because Death was in that pile but also the High Priestess was bottom deck energy for that one too (just a different deck). But, these tell me that there's going to be a change. Like, I said you're going to get tired of this stagnation, and I think it's an end of a cycle within this particular relationship. And the high priestess brings back that idea of "I'm certain I'll circle back to you..." where there's a knowing that this isn't really done. It's just at a standstill. So, yeah. I think this stagnation will end. I don't know WHEN, I don't get a when. But, I don't think it's going to be FOREVER from now, especially because you did get 3 major arcana! Also, wands feels quicker and you got the ace of wands! So I feel like it's kind of a "whenever" kind of thing, which isn't very helpful. It could be tomorrow or next year, ya know? Though, as I was writing this the song 12 Weeks by Movements came on! So! For someone it MIGHT be 12 Weeks. It's interesting though, because the end of the song is something like "Fall in love and fall away", which I don't see that as an end, again kind of like you two caught feelings and then were put in a stand still? But, also with that 4 of wands card, it really feels like everything around them falls away around them, so maybe that's just kind of how you two are together. Like, you talk and there could be other people there, but it all falls away. You could be in a group conversation, but for some reason it feels like all the words you both say are pointed towards the other rather than the group? Again, take what resonates. If you know no one where your connection is like this than I really do not think this is your pile. Things that are relevant: Celestial bodies (like the sun, the moon, stars), butterflies (specifically pink and purple), Sagittarius, Taurus

Pile 3: D’Artagnan

Cards: Justice, The Star(s), Queen of Swords, 8 of Pentacles, 3 of Swords reversed, 3 of cups Justice was the first card to fall out, and immediately I knew it was about a group who got the short end of the stick or something when it comes to love. Like, I hear, short end of the stick, like. Okay, so Queen of Swords is always described as like a woman alone who's been scorned, but I usually don't go by that because I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who are Queen of Sword types who haven't really had issues with love, they're just kind of That Way. But, like with Justice, I definitely see this as someone who was hurt in the past by love. Like, again. Short end of the stick. New Song D by the Front Bottoms is playing and there's this part in the bridge where he talks about how someone sold him a bike for $50 when the brakes weren't working, so like he was cheated out of $50 when he thought maybe it was worth $25 ? Like, Okay. So, with this, I'm getting that he was cheated money out of this, right? And maybe that is the case for some of you, but I'm getting more of an energy cheat if that makes sense. Like, you put a lot of energy into someone and a situation, and all they gave back was 1/4 of what you gave, and I'm getting that because I think maybe they thought they were giving you more (1/2 but still not enough), but they weren't, and you were just cheated out of this and left feeling drained because it was all one sided. And, I'm not saying this person didn't feel anything for you, I mean, they might have felt something but weren't able to give back the same amount because of things going on in their life. Or they were just like that. And there's another part in this song where he says "You wouldn't start because I wouldn't stop" and maybe it's also like you were giving too much even for them to like, take? Maybe it was just too much on their end and couldn't receive that much and too much for you to give so then you're both left with a disappointing situation. I also see 8 of pentacles kind of confirming this, like so much hard work was put into it on your end, but not enough to make it balanced. And it is NOT your fault. Like I feel the need to tell you that you have a big heart and that it's not your fault that someone else couldn't accept it the way you needed them to. 3 of swords reversed tells me that you're healing, though. Like, this happened and it probably really hurt but now you're healing. For some, because there are 2 3's, I think this was a case of being cheated on, but I don't think that's for everyone. Like, I really feel more like this was an unbalanced give and take situation. But, with the Justice here, I see that it WILL be balanced and whatever is coming in for you, will be more balanced. I almost feel, though, like this pile is less about what's coming and more about how you'll be doing better? Like, what's coming is really good and balanced, but also, you're healing, and I think it's always really nice to be able to look back at a heartbreak and not feel as bad about it as you did before. Like, sure it's probably always going to give a pang, but like with time, it heals. And, I know you probably wanted so badly for this to work out with this person, and I'm so sorry it didn't. Trust me, All I've ever known is unrequited love, so I really get that feeling of that realization when it becomes clear it's not going to work. One deck's bottom card was the Ace of Swords, so again, like I think this was that clarity you had about it not working, but I also see it as you seeing that it's just that this was not meant for you and that there's something better. And, that better is the star and justice. Like, this new person is going to bring in a lot of hope an balance. Like, this star card has two people on it, and it kind of looks like they're balancing out, right? So, yes. Definitely a lot of balance. And this person, I think, is going to be a lot of fun. The 3 of cups in this reading, to me, is more about how I think you two are going to hit it off in a friendly way first. And like, this might not even be a romantic love. It could just be a really good friend you make or have that's with you through your healing. But either way, platonic or not, I think this person is going to be someone you can lean on in this tough period, but also someone you can have fun with. The same song, new song d, has a part in the chorus where he says "I fell down, you propped me up" and I see this as being how your relationship will go. When someones down, the other will prop them up.But this isn't going to be all take and no give like this last person. No, again, it's going to be super balanced. Bottom deck energy for the other deck was Knight of Wands and in my last reading I compared him to D'Artagnan in the Three Musketeers and I think when he's not off trying to save the world, he's a really fun dude. Also, this is kind of weird and I'm going to have to make sure in the picture I take I get one of this Knight of Wands, because on the top border there's this weird like squiggle shapes, but it looks to me like...bodies? (It's kind of like that with the Queen of Swords too, with the top border?) Like bodies doing yoga lmao but like. I think you two are going to be physical (like! not in a sexual sense unless you're old enough and consenting!!), but more in a, touchy, huggy sense. So again, that propping up, but like physically and mental propping up. But, also, like maybe you two are always kind of touching. Like, shoulders next to each other, knees colliding, hand holding. Oof. That sounds so cute! I'm a little jealous. OH! This is also kind of weird, but in the same card behind him are this shapes that look like fleur-de-lis! And that's so weird considering that I think of D'Artagnan, a musketeer when I see this card! Ah! Anyway, I just see this as super healing for you, whoever this is. The shapes also kind of remind me of phoenix's, so! Maybe that's a message there. Like, emerging from the ashes of your former self? This is weird, because the next song that came on was Sour, a collab by 1990nowhere, Olivver the Kid and others, but I think that's interesting because maybe it goes with the past for you, like it soured. Like it looked sweet and then it soured? Then Are you Bored Yet? by Wallows came on so taking that literal, like you grew tired of how it was going. So I'm not sure if anyone resonates with those two songs, but I thought they seemed significant. Possibly relevant: Libra, Aquarius, Musketeers, fleur-de-lis, yoga, 1990, 3, 8 Pile 4: Porthos

Cards: Knight of cups, 2 of cups, 7 of wands, the lovers, 6 of swords, King of Pentacles I wasn't going to do a pile 4, but thought I should and like, yeah I'm glad I did because this feels like something someone needs to hear. So, someone here is leaving something. I think maybe you might want to read my last pick a pile I posted on here about what you need to hear. I definitely think this group showed up in that one. So, again, someone is leaving something, but I keep wanting to type someone! Ahh! Sorry! But, maybe there is someone leaving someone? I definitely have the song Scrawny by Wallows stuck in my head so maybe you're leaving a "scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle"? lol or not! Maybe that's just a song being stuck in my head because it was in there earlier today, but? Like? Maybe it was meant to come back around for this reading. Anyway, I get this idea from 6 of swords because that can be about a spiritual/mental journal, but also sometimes a physical one. So, like mentally and physically leaving a situation. Also, I've read that 6 in tarot is about journeys, and we got two 6's (6 of Swords and the lovers), and even though the lovers is about unity, I think it's also leaving that life before that unity behind? So, I read that into this whole, you're leaving something (or someone in this is leaving something or someone, so it could be this person coming towards you leaving something). Also, 8 of cups was on the bottom of one of the decks, and that again is about leaving something, like mentally/spiritually. But, like, this has cups so there's more of an emotional element to it. Like, leaving something that wasn't fulfilling you, going towards that 9 of cups wish fulfillment, right? So, there is that energy here, and like, I kind of feel like 9 of Cups should have shown up too, because I almost feel like whoever is coming towards you is kind of a wish come true. So, with knight of cups, i kind of read it like I did for another pile, but maybe more into his expression than i had for that one, where he looks kind of pouty. For that pile I said it was like he was kind of waiting to open up this cup that is in front of him that he's looking at. It has stars on it, so it's like his cup of hope? And the knight of cups is usually seen as a love offer, (though I typed over so again, I think someone out there is leaving someone?) so like this star cup, when he opens it, will have that offer for you? Like his heart is in there for you (not physically like his organ lmao). And with 7 of wands, I almost wonder if maybe you're defensive to let it in or maybe they're even too defensive to open up that cup? Someone here is defensive, but I don't think that's needed because I see so much stability with this. Like, we have the King of Pentacles here. So, not only do I think one or both of you are doing okay like financially (like, able to pay the bills and maybe have a nice roof over your head), but I also just see it as stable. Like, they're a shelf and your love is safe to place on. Does that make sense? Omg I'm so corny in this pile I love it. Both the Lover's and two of cups are these soft cards. Like, physically, these two cards from these decks look so soft. The love in these cards, guys. Phew. The two of cups shows this lady kind of hanging on this man, and they have these soft, fond gazes at each other. And then, with the lovers in the other deck, it's so sweet. She's kissing the other girl's cheek and they just look like they're content in the moment? So, I definitely see this as something fulfilling for you both, like you're both gonna be such suckers for each other. Probably constantly getting those heart eyes. Like, think Evie and O'Connell heart eyes, if you've ever seen The Mummy from 1999. Like, the looks they give each other. I'm totally getting those vibes. Maybe you two are going to be really snarky to each other too? But you’ll find it so endearing. Another thing I want to add is that I think you two are going to be perfectly balanced like literally Yin and Yang. I mean, one girl on the lovers card is all white and the other is all black. And then on the two of cups, They're kind of contrasted in terms of hair. Also! Bottom card energy for one deck was Justice, so yes. Definitely balance and yin and yang. I think this also goes back to the King of Pentacles, like I almost even get that Two of Pentacles energy of balancing out things, but being able to do so whereas the other twos kind of are about choices. But this one isn't. And it's weird, because sometimes the lovers can be read as choices, but I don't here. Not with this pile. And maybe there is a choice about leaving something/someone, but like I think once that's done and over with, this love comes in. And it could just be simple like a mindset? Like with all the cups here, I definitely think it could be a mindset. Like one that makes you super emotional, so maybe this is an existing relationship that just needs like a change? That's probably for a few of you, but for others, I see that this is something that comes after a shift in mind, or like a physical one. I mean, the song Make Way by The Front Bottoms was playing here, and like, that song is kind of about making space for the new? "I make way for the expensive things in my head." And, I've kind of gotten this Death Card vibe with every pile, and at first I was like not getting that with this pile, but idk, with 6 of swords and 8 of cups, I kind of get that? Like ending something to begin something? Ending with the song Nobody Gets Me (Like You) by Wallows, and I think this is what its going to feel like with this person. This pile is so cute. :) Things that could be relevant: Gemini, Libra, water signs, Capricorn (Pentacles are earth, but I really get a cap vibe with this one today), heart eyes, The Mummy lol

#pick a pile #tarot #pick a card #pick-a-pile #pick-a-card #tarot reading

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dykefoosh · 3 years

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This is an analysis of the last Clone Wars episode I wrote exactly a year ago today. I feel like sharing it because why not so tada.

I'm also kinda posting this for me so you seriously don't have to read it- unless you want to idk I can't exactly stop you. And if yall want more, I did them all on the last 8 episodes of the Clone Wars because I felt like it.

Victory and Death

Before you go through this. I just want to say that the Clone Wars and primarily Ahsoka have been in my life for as along as I can remember. I have grown up on this TV Show. So for it to finally get the ending it deserves, is in a way a dream come true. My heart and soul is poured into this show. But with the Clone Wars ending, I know this won’t be the last of Ahsoka.

* This opening music is called Victory and Death

* It’s very similar to the music played at Padmè’s funeral, I guess you could say its a reminder of what death is lurking.

* I’ve never seen such a crisp Venator class Star Destroyer.

* It’s so detailed and for that reason, its going to make this all hurt even more then it already will.

* We are back from where we were left off moments ago in Shattered.

* Ahsoka still doesn’t want to kill any of the clones. She knows they can’t control it, and she wants to be able to help them. Just like she did with Rex. Ahsoka and Rex are the only ones who know its not their fault.

* This isn’t her first rodeo, she dealt with a similar thing in brain invaders with the Genosians.

* Similar with the Brain invaders, she didn’t want to be the one to personally kill them.

* She knew they were willing to die if it meant she would be dead.

* She just couldn’t deal with the fact that she would have killed clones who chose to be with her. Who CHOSE to stand by her on this mission and serve with her against Maul on Mandalore. She knew just about every single one of the clone’s names. She took the time to acknowledge them all. And they all are ready to die because of her. So as the person Ahsoka is, to make that decision and refuse to kill them is untimely better then being the one to personally “pull the trigger”

* The reason why in Shattered that she killed a few of the troopers was because at the time she didn’t know they were unable to control their actions. She had no idea what was happening. She was in fight or flight mode.

* Watching Rex and Ahsoka go right into attack mode on their brothers is just brutal, but beautiful at the same time.

* Ahsoka is in a defensive position and guarding Rex with every move, while allowing Rex to be on the offense.

* I find it interesting about how Ahsoka doesn’t try to hide at all that she let Maul out.

* In reality it was either she let him out and create a diversion to survive or allow him to die and have every single clone looking for her. Although no answer is the right one, considering her odds, it was the only one left.

* The worst part about the entire clone wars, is that every character is always put in a situation where they have to compromise their morals for this war. No matter what side you were on in this war, you were sacrificing so much when none of it ever mattered in the end, because no one won.

* No matter what choice Ahsoka mode in that moment, she was stuck with the deaths of troopers on her hands, and there was nothing she could do about it. Because in the end, no one wins the clone wars.

* Maul is on another rampage and it’s terrifying

* He uses a 332nd HELMET AS A SHIELD

* He’s so incredibly powerful and it’s just crazy.

* I loved how the bridge looked when they came out of hyperspace. Really cinematic

* All of the lives Maul is taking is also taking a toll on Ahsoka. When she tells Rex she let him out, you can tell there’s a bit of guilt in there. She knows what Maul is capable of, and by Ahsoka letting him out. She’s allowing all of these clones to die. In the end it’s a fight for survival, and she’s doing everything she can to survive. So by allowing Maul do what he will do, it’s the best choice out of a really bad situation.

* The way the ship comes out of Hyperspace is insane.

* Knowing this ship is going to crash on this moon, and there’s nothing Ahsoka can do to save all of the clones is ripping her apart.

* In all of her life, she has only ever wanted to help people. But everyone on this ship wants to kill her, and yet she still wants to help. Knowing this ship is going down is terrifying for her because she can’t save them all.

* This is important because in the Martez sisters arc, Ahsoka learns what truly goes wrong when the people who need help most aren’t able to be helped.

* The Martez sisters taught her that everyone deserves a chance to be saved. Their parents should have been saved because that’s what a Jedi is supposed to do. They are supposed to save the people who need it most. Not catching criminals when they are interfering with a Jedi’s work.

* As the ship is getting into orbit, and becoming more and more destroyed, it just furthers the fact of how the clones are programed to purely just follow order 66.

* Their humanity is lost. Their worry for their lives is completely out the window.

* They don’t care that the ship is breaking apart around them.

* Every single clone is hyper focused to complete the mission, because in the end, good soldiers follow orders.

* All that the clones can think about and is programed to do, is to kill Ahsoka Tano.

* What makes this moment worse, is that Ahsoka doesn’t want to hurt them. She knows this isn’t really them.

* Rex on the other hand for the first time ever, has distanced himself from his brothers.

* Rex knows deep down that there’s no way to save them all. He knows threes nothing he can do about it, so for him to distance himself in the moment, is his best bet to survive.

* When Rex is trying to get Ahsoka to understand that she can’t save them all, he is wearing his helmet.

* That helmet is what the empire wanted

* They wanted the helmets to be a sign of emptiness and unable to show expression for what had to be done.

* Rex didn’t want Ahsoka to see his face because he was being emotional. It in a sense was a sign of weakness but in reality, the helmet was what separated him and the mind controlled clones.

* Under the helmet, Rex still had his humanity.

* Under the helmets of the other clones, they were just a blank slate, made to be destroyed.

* So when Rex cries and doesn’t look at Ahsoka in that moment. It’s because he wants to hide his humanity and not let it get in the way of getting the job done. Getting to safety.

* When Ahsoka says “While they may be willing to die. I will not be the one who is to kill them” It’s bittersweet. She knows they are beyond saving, but she knows that if she kills them, then she will have the blood on her hands of someone who was unable to control themselves and in a sense fight back.

* Rex just wants to do the right thing. And he knew what it was like being on the other side. To execute the order and to be completely okay with loosing his life for it.

* Rex just was so vulnerable in this moment, because he was completely helpless.

* When Rex goes into being defeated and everything, he is never one to back off and surrender, so for him to surrender, it’s just painful. By Rex surrendering to him, I think it means he failed Ahsoka, and in the last episode. Rex calling Ahsoka kid, his younger sister, for him to fail her, is something Rex would have never ever wanted to do.

* This moment, is very Anakin and Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan did it at the battle of Christiopsis, and Anakin did it on Yerbana.

* The way every single one of the clones goes from at attention to aiming at Ahsoka and Rex is just terrifying. They are truly no longer human, and are droids.

* These soldiers who chose to be with Ahsoka on this ship, and chose to fight along side her at the Siege of Mandalore, are in the end wearing her markings and holding her at gunpoint.

* When Rex says the order was to execute the Jedi in all fairness its a fair point. She’s not a Jedi.

* But in the end, Ahsoka was an important person in Anakin’s life, so in order for her to not interfere with Sidious’s plans, she had to be eliminated.

* This whole scene with Rex and Jesse is just so heartbreaking because after everything Jesse went through, he still couldn’t catch a break

* Rex was most likely worried sick when he found out Maul took Jesse.

* Jesse was tortured by Maul and we all through something horrible was going to happen to him with Maul. The Satine and Obi-Wan scene was HUGLY paralleling the scene when Jesse goes back to Rex.

* But then when Rex thought him and Jesse would be finally okay, Order 66 happens.

* And Rex’s brother, one of his closest, turned on him.

* It’s such a bittersweet moment, because Rex is stalling, and him no longer being a commander is just iconic. He wanted to stay a captain so he could be on the front lines.

* In this moment, Vaders theme I think is slowed down.

* It’s such a tense moment with hundreds of clones ready to fire at Ahsoka and Rex, and with the ship going down too, the anxiety in both of Ahsoka and Rex is very prominent

* Ahsoka’s plan of dropping the clones under with the help of the droids is so smart. It allows her to have the upper hand while they recover.

* And even with hundreds of clones, she is still not wanting to kill a single one.

* Ahsoka is ready to kill Maul.

* She spared him and did what the council wanted. But now with for all Ahsoka knows the order crumbling in every moment, Maul is going to hinder her, and she can’t allow that.

* So when Maul says “You wanted this chaos” It’s brilliant because she really did, but because she could defeat Maul, she underestimated the clones potential to stop/kill him.

* I love how RG-G1 (the black and gold droid) almost laughed at the fact the clones were locked out of the control panel.

* Watching Maul start to get away and seeing how clone the ship was to the surface is terrifying. You know what is going to come, and although we know both Ahsoka and Rex’s fate, we are still on the edge of our seats.

* It’s such a Vader & Starkiller, Maybe even Rey moment, when Ahsoka is using the force to pull back the ship.

* It truly just shows how powerful she is.

* During the first battle of Felucia, after Ahsoka got carried away and realized that she was going to be overrun and as Anakin said “You just don’t see it yet”. Once they got back to the temple and go over what happened with the Jedi Council,

* Anakin talks about how he forgot how young Ahsoka was because of how powerful she is.

* From the beginning Ahsoka has always been powerful with the force.

* She was at first thought to be from Anakin himself, “aren’t you too young to be a padawan” which Ahsoka replies that “Master Yoda thinks I’m ready”

* This was just another moment that showed some of her true potential. Her power is the reason why she was assigned to Anakin and not to Obi-Wan. She needed someone as/more powerful than her to give her the best jedi training possible.

* Version of imperial march is there when Ahsoka is really starting to pull when Rex grabs onto Ahsoka.

* When she sees R7 get shot down, that loss hits, her hard and she loses focus for a second because this droid had been with her from the Battle of Ryloth, her first proper mission in a starfighter.

* Then when Rex gets shot, thats just when for her it clicks that she can’t lose anyone else.

* Up until this point She had lost Kalifa (Jedi Lost- Trandosion arc) Master Piell, Tryla (Carlac), Steela Gerrera, Barriss, Anakin, Plo, and everyone who lost faith in her for leaving the order.

* Rex was the only person that after everything, he refused to give up on her. He saw her for who she was, and not for being in the order, but as a person who fought alongside him in the Clone War.

* Rex was the last person Ahsoka had left, and so when he got shot, she couldn’t let him die in exchange for Maul.

* When we see Maul leave, the sight of how close the ship is to the surface is terrifying. They are running out of time, but Ahsoka can save her friend for the time being.

* Ahsoka isn’t breaking a sweat. She’s doing everything in her power to protect herself and Rex.

* Anakin taught her everything she needed to know to survive. “When I was out there, alone, all I had was your training and the lessons you taught me. And because of you, I did survive. And not only that, I was able to lead others to survive as well.” And she was able to allow Rex to survive.

* The way she cuts the ground to save both herself and Rex is genius. They can’t go up so they might as well go down.

* It’s very much an Anakin moment with her not telling Rex what she Is going to do.

* As Rex and Ahsoka gain their footing from that drop, and we see how close they are getting to the surface, if you listen closely, we get duel of the fates in a higher key.

* The music just escalates as we see the clones who were brought to the bottom are all ready to fire on Ahsoka and Rex.

* Cheep and RG try to save Rex and Ahsoka by bringing the clones back up, which ultimately lead to their demise.

* This is the first time we have seen a droid be murdered. Because Cheep and RG were helping Ahsoka and Rex, just like if they were human, they were murdered in cold blood.

* When Ahsoka gets shot again, in that moment you can really tell she’s starting to get tired. She has been fighting non stop for quite a bit now and like any person its taking a toll on her, but her persistence to survive is what gets her through the next few moments.

* The music gets more intense and slivers of duel of the fates kick into action. When she makes that jump just before she throws Rex, the keys as ROTS starts in Race you to the top play and its just a beautiful cinematic parallel.

* She’s really starting to struggle now. It’s just her against hundreds of clones.

* And the ship really starts to take a turn for the worse.

* Rex is clearly terrified for Ahsoka once the ship starts to really deteriorate, and as Ahsoka jumps to get into the Y-Wing, it’s almost too late. The ship is falling apart.

* But Rex isn’t giving up on her. He never has and never will.

* And as she looses her grip on the ship, more notes from Race you to the surface kick in.

* The way she falls but catches herself while running just shows how determined she is to stay alive. She knows that all, or believes that all Jedi have died in this order and she is the only survivor. She can’t let the history and the hope with the Jedi die with this war. She can’t let Rex die alone, so she keeps going.

* While she’s running it just really shows how MASSIVE these ships are in comparison to a person. They are just gigantic.

* Ahsoka and Rex truly got out on the very last second.

* This war has taken a toll on both of them. That fight took a toll. They just fought tooth and bone against their brothers in an effort to survive. Every single one of those clones was ready to give up their lives if it meant for Ahsoka and Rex to die.

* The silence from when they get into the Y-Wing is just perfect. We don’t need any dialogue to represent how powerful this moment is. No words are needed to explain how painful this moment was. After everything Ahsoka and Rex had went through, no words were needed.

* The ship is completely destroyed and same with the republic/grand army of the republic. We even see the Open Circle Fleet logo.

* Ahsoka and Rex are surrounded by the ruins and graves of everything they tried to save. They tried so hard to save the clones. The Jedi tried to save the galaxy. None of them could save the thing they wanted to most.

* Everything Ahsoka and Rex had fought for died. There was so much hope for their futures. Ahsoka talking with Yoda- she could have come back into the order, and she could have been happy.

* Ahsoka and Rex took the time to find R7, and as many clones as they could find. They didn’t JUST put the helmets on the sticks, she buried the bodies of the clones. Every single one they could find.

* These were clones that chose to fight with her. They chose to serve Ahsoka in the Siege of Mandalore.

* The entire planet is shown in more earth-colored tones, lots of browns and tans. It tells us exactly what her and Rex’s mood is, that there is warmth still there, but it’s been dulled and grayed out, she’s devastated and numb, everything she worked so incredibly hard to save is in ashes. Everything she loved is dead or lost.

* She cloaked in Grey, which parallels her in the end of Rebels with the white cloak. Similar to Gandalf, which ( I have confirmation from Dave, this WAS INTENTIONAL)

* She is looking over all the death and destruction from the end of the Clone War. “She was alone, something she was never meant to be”

* As we pan to the Clones helmets up close, we see all of these clones that fought for Ahsoka and chose to be with her until the very end.

* And then we get Jesse.

* A clone who had been fighting alongside her and Anakin since he became a proper clone. He was the last remaining member of the domino squad, who had been through so much, from Umbara to Maul, and then was just another clone. Made to follow order 66 and be expendable.

* Ahsoka’s theme plays.

* so the last time ahsoka’s theme plays (the classic six-note melody) when she lets go of her sabers, it never actually resolves to its sixth and last note—the melody left hanging and incomplete, and it just fades away, just like how this chapter of ahsoka’s life has been abruptly and cruelly cut off because of Palpatine and order 66. Go to 1:42 https://open.spotify.com/track/2EgVDzhE9yBHO7DgMdWCwk?si=z7rGUvqXR6Gd6iCSeFfiPg

* She took the time to bury every single one, so they could have an end of their story, but because of their deaths Ahsoka couldn't with hers, and the music having her theme play unfinished just futures that. She could have come back into the order. She could have saved Anakin. She could have been able to have a peaceful life at the temple with Anakin and Obi-Wan and all of the other Jedi. She could have been able to peacefully explore her potential of being the physical light side embodiment of the force. It's not just the tragedy of Anakin Skywalker. It's the tragedy of everyone he ever cared about too, and them having to face the consequences of his actions.

* She then hesitates to leave her lightsaber. That moment of hesitation before she drops it, that this is so hard for her to let go of, the last piece of Anakin that she had, the last piece of the Jedi that she had. The Jedi Order that she wanted to go back to someday, but they’re gone now. Her connection to them is gone, just like her connection to anything of the Republic. The one thing Anakin had told her and had been consistent from the start, to never lose it. “Your lightsaber is your life. Don’t lose it”

* Ahsoka drops it because she has no hope anymore, she believes Anakin is dead.

* And in this moment Ahsoka Tano died on that moon. Just like Obi-Wan and Anakin did on Mustafar.

* She had to leave everything behind, including her lightsaber. All her hopes for the future, her connections to the people she cared about, the things she wanted to do, her name, everything that made her her. She would go into hiding, become Ashla, and just try to survive.

* Theres no hope. Absolutely no hope for Ashla and Rex.

* This is the first time and the last in the Clone Wars we see that kind of transition of fading out.

* The music that plays is just so sinister. It makes you feel cold, and eludes to the fact that Vader is now there and not Anakin, but yet, it also doesn’t feel like Vader.

* literally every other film depiction of Darth Vader is something very simple, but the way he moves, is just different. He doesn’t’ move like any version we have seen of Vader. He moves like Anakin Skywalker.

* In contrast to what was said about where Ahsoka was, its a frozen wasteland, cold and empty just like Vader.

* “Everything is bleached out. Everything is pretty stark. Everything’s washed away color-wise, which is what George did it at the end of Revenge of the Sith. A lot of things I do are just ways of taking what George did and reasserting them, enhancing them, showing that this is what his half of Star Wars is about, ultimately, and how the heroes will prevail through it, despite all of the wickedness of the enemy.” - Dave Filoni

* And thats what the dark side is. It’s cold. It’s empty.

* In Rebels Ezra shivers from it when he feels a wave of it crash over him, people who are falling into it suddenly feel cold inside, despite that it’s perfectly warm outside.

* It just shows how lost he is. How there were warm yet cold colors with Ahsoka. She’s held onto the light, she’ll return to it when she’s had time to heal, but Anakin has fully embraced it.

* The cruiser is frozen over. Vader walking through the ruins.

* Hearing Vaders breathing is just horrifying. Never have we heard in the clone wars, such a breathtaking sound.

* Ahsoka’s lightsaber.

* This lightsaber is frozen in memory.

* He cradles it in his hand, brushing the snow away again with the other.

* When Anakin goes also to pick up Ahsoka’s saber, its a perfect parallel to Obi-Wan picking up Anakin’s saber.

* Then, inexplicably, he flicks it on and we see Vader wielding a blue lightsaber for the very last time onscreen. Who knows why he turned it on. Maybe he couldn’t quite believe it was Ahsoka’s and that she’d lost it once more. Because he always taught her that “this weapon is your life.”

* Maybe he was testing to see if it still worked or if the color was still that brilliant blue he tweaked it into.

* We then see Vader look to Morai.

* We see the eyes of Anakin. NOT Vader. We see Anakin Skywalker again. The last time in the Clone Wars.

* It’s a clear parallel to Twilight of the Apprentice when Ahsoka destroys the side of his mask with her ‘sabre and Anakin leaks through.

* It’s so, so obviously clear that he still loves Ahsoka in this moment. That Ahsoka still brings out the good in him.

* That this is, awfully, their final goodbye as they knew each other.

* We always read about how Ahsoka and the Convor are linked and how it’s really Ahsoka and the Light Side of the Force that’s linked.

* But I don’t think we’ve ever really seen anything about how Anakin is linked to the Convor and Ahsoka.

* The thing is, I think the Convor also represents the link between Anakin and Ahsoka.

* During the Mortis Arc, Ahsoka essentially dies. The Son kills her, inadvertently mortally wounding his own sister in the process. As the Father grieves, Anakin rushes over to Ahsoka and pleads with the Father. But Anakin in the moment is the one who is the conduit of the Daughter’s life-force as its transferred to Ahsoka.

* Right after the Mortis Arc, Ahsoka gets kidnapped. It’s the first time she’s ever really been alone and forced to fight to survive. But she manages it, despite the other Padawans on the island giving up or succumbing to their fate. Again, out of everyone, Ahsoka survives. This is also the first time we see the convorees.

* During this arc, Anakin is left alone, as well. Fearful and lost, he worries for Ahsoka, but Plo, the Master who found Ahsoka in the first place, guides him. “What is Ahsoka’s strength?” Plo asks him.“She is fearless,” Anakin replies. “That can also be a weakness. Is she a worthy apprentice?” “No one has her kind of determination.”“Except you.”“I’ll find her.”“This may not be within your power.”“Whatever you’re trying to say Master Plo, just say it!”“I am suggesting that perhaps if you have trained her well, she’ll take care of herself and find a way back to you.” This, again, is so, so important. “Except you,” Plo says.

* No one has Ahsoka’s determination except for Anakin. No one has her hope except for him. Ahsoka was already a wonderful, resilient person, but Anakin brought it out in her. He taught her, guided her, and now those lessons must guide her as she faces the world alone. This is only reiterated when Anakin and Ahsoka reunite.

* “Ahsoka, I am so sorry,” “For what?”“For letting you go, for letting you get taken. It was my fault.”“No, Master, it wasn’t your fault.”“I should’ve paid more attention. I should’ve tried harder. I…”“You already did everything you could, everything you had to do. When I was out there, alone, all I had was your training and the lessons you taught me. And because of you, I did survive. And not only that, I was able to lead others to survive as well.”

* Thats a huge recurring theme in Star Wars. Ahsoka preservers and survives. She saves and guides people. Ahsoka will always be Anakin’s Padawan, his legacy.

* She embodies all his best qualities, including, of course, his ever-lingering hope.

* And that is one of the reasons why Ahsoka is so important: Anakin’s goodness lives on within her. Of course she is her own person, I wouldn’t love her as much as I do if she wasn’t, but being Anakin Skywalker’s Padawan shaped her into the woman we know today.

* “You never would have made it as Obi-Wan’s Padawan,” Anakin told her in that very first movie so many years ago. “But you might make it as mine.”That has never been more true.If Ahsoka had been Obi-Wan’s Padawan, she’d be dead along with the rest of the Order. If she’d been Obi-Wan’s Padawan, yes she’d be skilled, and yes she would have learned to persevere throughout hardship— But there’s a certain passion for life and hope in Anakin that Obi-Wan simply doesn’t possess.

* Ahsoka inherited that from him.So now we circle back to the convor. In various cultures owls represent death and wisdom. Filoni has even confirmed that in the Star Wars universe, it is the same. This isn’t surprising when Anakin and Ahsoka are constantly facing off death and rising above it, becoming wiser because of it. And, horribly, I’m reminded that this finale is the death of them. They cannot be who they once were, and they cannot be to each other who they once were. But owls can also represent luck and good fortune.

* “Master Kenobi always said there’s no such thing as luck.”“Good thing I taught you otherwise.”

* All throughout her life, Anakin’s lessons and influence guide her, and after the Mortis Arc in moments of great struggle: a convor appears. What I’m trying to say, I suppose, is that the convor not only symbolizes the Light Side of the Force. It also symbolizes Anakin Skywalker.

* And maybe that’s because Anakin Skywalker does embody the Light Side of the Force. Despite everything he goes through and everything he does, Anakin Skywalker clutches onto that bit of hope and comes back to the Light. He brings Balance to the Force.

* The convor lingers above Anakin at the end of the Clone Wars after Ahsoka has survived despite the odds. It appears again after their duel in Twilight of the Apprentice. Morai watches Anakin limp out of the Temple, and then returns to Ahsoka after guiding her back from the World Between Worlds. After guiding her back to Anakin.

* “I am suggesting that perhaps if you have trained her well, she’ll take care of herself and find a way back to you,” Plo told Anakin that first time Ahsoka was lost. And he’s right. Ahsoka does find her way back. Again and again and again.

* She loves him. He’s her brother and he taught her everything he knew, and she survives because of it. Ahsoka won’t ever let that bit of Anakin go. She won’t ever lose sight of the good in him, or in anyone else.

* “I won’t leave you,” she promises him. “Not this time.”

* It’s more a promise of hope than anything else. A declaration of loyalty and determination and love. She still believes in him, and she wants, no needs him to know that.

* we talk a lot about how the Daughter and Ahsoka are connected through the convor, but we never talk about how Anakin was that conduit in the first place. The Light and life flowed through him into Ahsoka and so she survived.

* In the moments when Anakin holds Ahsoka’s saber it points him towards the light, and TOWARDS Morai, and we see him for who he is, and who he will become.

* Ahsoka has survived through Anakin. And she continues to survive. And maybe it’s still making me cry as I write this, but we know how this story ends, and we’re reminded when Anakin, not Vader, looks up into the sky, Ahsoka’s lightsaber in hand and watches Morai circle above. Star Wars is about hope. It always has been. Despite everything they’ve gone through, there is hope for Anakin Skywalker. And there is hope for Ahsoka Tano, too.

* Vader takes the lightsaber it with him, just like he did with Obi-Wans years later. but even more symbolically–the helmet that has her markings on it, the helmet of a clone trooper of the Republic, with Vader’s reflection walking away from it, forgotten and left behind in the snow, as dead as everything else.

* The last shot we are given of the Clone Wars ever is of the trooper helmet with Ahsoka’s markings and Vader in the shadow.

* It’s the last thing ever we get of the clone wars and represents everything the Clone Wars was about.

* It was about Ahsoka and Rex’s story, and the tie into the fall of Anakin Skywalker.

* Dave Filoni did everything he intended to do with these last episodes. To give us the ending we didn’t just want, but the ending that we deserved.

* Star Wars has always been about hope. Every Star Wars anything has ended on hope, even RotS has hope! (Luke and Leia)

* The audience knows what will happen and that there is hope..

* But Ahsoka and Rex don’t know that. Theres no hope for them.

* This is the first time in Star Wars that something has closed on a Hopeless note.

I would be lying to you if I told you I didn’t cry every time writing a piece of this, and that I wouldn’t be here without the Clone Wars. I would be lying if I said that I won’t ever get over this ending, and I won’t. But the fact that we have an ending, and a really solid one, is everything I need.

#ahsoka tano #ahsoka #star wars #victory and death #clone wars

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i-write-sometimes-blog · 4 years

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Cold Eyes (Dark Rey x Reader) [Part 12]

Summary: After Rey opened up with you she is still conflicted with your words and you discover an even softer yet passionate side of her.

Words: 3, 250

Warning: slight smut, not descriptive. And not really good to be honest. awful to be honest

A/N: why did this take me so long? And why is it easier to write smut without fearing screwing the plot? Idk but enjoy. Please pretend you didn't know this was coming.

No nightmares. For the first time in a very long time there were no terrifying images hunting you in your sleep, no painful screams rumbling in your ears, no the dreadful pain that came after. The nightmares were gone, all thanked to the woman who originally caused and starred them. Instead of hurt you like it always happened in your dreams she held your body in a delicate and protective way that allowed you to have some rest, real rest in months.

But now her warmth was gone, leaving you alone under the cold sheets. Half asleep you searched for her on the other side of the bed finding only the memories of the previous night. It was still hard to believe she was there talking with you just like the old times and it made a warm sensation filled your body.

“I see you’re already awake.” you heard Rey said while you were finishing getting ready for a new day in Mustafar. She was on the doorway with a soft smile on her lips.

“Sorry, I know we had training this morning” you told her “Won’t happen again.”

“No, it’s fine. Don’t worry” she said “I had some… work to do anyways.” she said as her eyes darted at her hands, you didn't need to ask what she was talking about you knew what she did. “I have a tactical meeting, can you come with me?” she asked.

“I’m not sure your generals want me there.” you said to her “Specially Hux.”

“I don’t care if they don’t want you, I want you. And you’re my apprentice, therefore they should respect you as much as me.” she told you and you smiled for a moment “I’m going to make sure they understand that. Now, come on.” she told you offering you a hand and after a brief moment you took it.

"Okay" you murmured.

How strange was it to hold her hand as you walked through the dark hallways of the fortress. It seemed so childish in this time of war, and yet it was a really simple action that denoted such affection, you liked it.

Eventually you made it to the meeting room where at least a dozen of generals and commanders waited patiently for their leader, some of them shivered in fear when they saw her stepping into the room. She let go of you to take her place in the head of the table but pointed one of the chairs for you to use.

“Shall we begin?” she said rather serious, a woman stood on her feet and activated the hologram table that revealed a system, some planets had the First Order’s on them, their conquest probably.

Across the table you felt an intense glance laying on you. General Hux stayed focused on you, watching your every move, his green stare letting you know how much he distrusted you. When he noticed your the killer stare you gave him back he grinned at you before he turned his attention back to the matters the meeting was discussing.

****

It was already night when you headed to your room, hoping to have a rest after the long and tedious day, already wondering if Rey would come this time just like she did the day before but probably not, you haven’t seen her after the meeting, she was out on a mission or so she told you moments before you saw her disappearing into a dark ship.

As you approached to your room you noticed a couple of stormtroopers waiting for you outside the door. They rose their weapons as a greeting, the same way they greet a general or even the Supreme Leader herself when they saw you. One of them spoke before you could asked them something.

“Supreme Leader asked us to take you to your new quarters, Miss.” the female voice under the helmet. It was still very strange for you to be treated as a superior, specially by the troopers that you used to fight.

“Why’s that?” you asked perplexed.

“We don’t know, Miss. Just following orders.” the other trooper, a voice that sound rather like a teenage boy told you.

“Lead the way.” you said to him and both of them started to march guiding you to your new room, why? You expected a cell, you’ve been in one before and you stayed there for a quite amount of time but there was a reason way. Now, now was different, you didn't know why would she wanted to change your room or where. This was nothing compared with what you expected as the troopers stopped in front of Rey’s personal chambers.

The soldiers gave you a small bow with their heads before leaving you in front of the big heavy metal hatch that opened slowly before you.

“Y/N” you heard Rey inside the room “Come in, please.” she said and you stepped inside. The room was incredibly big and yet so empty, a big bed was pretty much what was there. Rey was watching outside a big window that revealed the dangerous landscape of the planet.

“You’re back.” you said.

“Easy target,“ she told you “didn’t like the planet, a desert.” you nodded understanding why she came back so soon but didn’t realized how much of an effect it had on her until now. She was quiet, distant, lost on her thoughts as she kept staring at the big window. Rey looked at your for a moment, you were still standing close to the door that closed immediately after you were inside.

“Your room was so small” she told you changing the subject, answering a question that never left your lips. “I thought you’d be better here, with me.” she said returning her sight to the window, she looked beyond affected by this mission.

“Thanks” you said and she nodded slowly, her eyes never meeting yours, you felt the need to make sure everything was right with her even if she was the big bad woman you still hated to see her upset. “Something’s bothering you, Rey. What is it?” you asked softly. You noticed her jaw clenching as she swallowed uneasily.

"I've been thinking" she said looking at the vast darkness in front of her, the red of the lava seemed to trace deadly figures on the ground. "in what you said. I can't stop thinking about those questions, I don't know why, they just keep repeating I'm my head" she told you.

"What do you mean?" You asked confused, many things had happened recently and so quickly.

"A few days ago, you asked me if I regret my actions. Never really answered you."

You remembered the fight that day after the training, you asked her if she felt any remorse of what she had done, that time seemed to be a very long time ago in way different circumstances.

"I do" she continued "I regret a lot of it, but there was not other way."

"There's always another way, Rey" you murmured glancing at her.

She gave you a humorless laugh and then she looked outside the big window again. "You know what's funny? I never considered Jakku my home, it was just sand everywhere and bad people doing whatever it took to survive another day… and maybe it's what I regret the most."

You observed her, the way she was struggling with her words and she kept admiring the dark sky full of stars.

"It was a horrible place, but it was the only home I ever knew" she said, you caught a single tear running down her face that she rushed to clean away. "Sometimes I watch at the sky and imagine it's still there but I know it's not" she gulped trying to contain the lump in her throat "I destroyed it" she looked at you then as a new tear watered her cheek "and I destroyed yours too, Y/N"

Quietly you moved next to her, you felt her eyes laying on you as you were standing next to her. You glanced outside for a moment, to the sky and the void where you supposed your home planet used to be and sighed.

“Feels so strange to watch at the stars knowing it’s no longer there.” you told her as you keep staring at the emptiness of the space.

“Did you had family there?” she asked doubting a bit though she already knew the answer. You gave her a tiny nod and swallowed hard before you rose your voice again.

“My father was a mechanic, he taught me everything I know” you spoke as slowly and calm as your body allowed you. “And mom was a pilot, one of the best I’ve ever know” you told her trying to remember their faces, but you had left them a very long time ago and the memories were blurred.

“And I killed them.” Rey said as she silently cried, her voice was serious and yet there was pain in her too as if every one of your words felt like a dagger on her chest. You had the only thing she ever wished for and she took it away from you. A family. “You have all the rights to hate me after everything I’ve taken from you, I understand it now, Y/N” she told you.

“I don’t hate you” you told her, Rey turned her head in surprise but it was you who was more surprised by your own words. She gave you a bittersweet look.

“I’m in a war with your friends, who used to be mine too.” she added “I held you as a prisoner and I killed not only your family but the whole planet” she said as the tears pooled on her eyes “Why wouldn’t you hate me?”

That was a big question, one you haven’t really ask yourself until this moment. You didn’t need her to remind you the terrible things she had done, you’d probably never forget them and still you didn’t hate her, you couldn’t, not even after all you’ve been through, you were still seeing her as the girl who stole your heart a long time ago in a planet very different from this.

You couldn’t deny the dreadful things her actions caused, not even tried to justify them or thought on forget them, you knew sometimes she looked like a whole different person rather like a monster but deep down she was the same scared girl from Jakku and right now she was next to you sobbing slightly.

“I thought it was clear.” you looked back at this journey and it wasn’t nor an easy one nor short either, felt like years had passed and not even that could erase the feelings for her that were buried deep inside you, covered by the fear and the pain. “You mean so much to me, Rey.” you confessed “I’m in love with you, since the first day you came into my life.” the words left your mouth with honesty and yet your were surprised to admitted it, the first time you confessed your feeling for her was in this same fortress a long time ago.

“The Rey you fell in love is gone, Y/N.” she told you. Carefully you cupped the side of her face, softly cleaning the tears off her face with your thumb.

“No, she is still here and I’m looking at her right now.” you murmured as her hazel eyes admired you for a moment, filled with a mix of emotions that made your heartbeat race a little. Hesitating you leaned closer to her, lips closer to hers for a few seconds before capturing her lips carefully, you kissed her sweetly almost shyly for a moment.

Then you broke away just enough to see her reaction, she kept her eyes closed enjoying the ghost of your lips on hers. When she opened them again you saw astonishment over them as well as tenderness and even for a moment you thought it was love what made her eyes shimmer softly.

She couldn't find proper words to express how much your action meant to her, what it made her feel. She didn't know who to trust in a world of liars and yet your kiss felt real, authentic.

She leaned to brush your lips again, long and delicately while her arms slowly wrapped around your waist pulling you close to her body making you smile between kisses, you enjoyed her closeness, her warmth against your body. A warm shiver ran down your spine when her lips traveled to your jaw and then to you neck, leaving subtle kisses there as well that made you softly gasp.

“Rey” you softly whimpered as she found that sweet spot in the side of her neck and you could feel her smirking against your skin, delighted with the way her name sounded in your lips. But still she stopped her work on you for a moment, a bit of shyness in her voice.

"Sorry" she said "we can just leave this here, if you want"

"No" you mumbled with a smile "I want this." You assured her and gently guided her lips back to your own kissing them passionately as every cell of your body started to urge to meet more of this woman.

You felt your body warming up with every move of her lips on your skin, feeling the need in you growing with each passing moment that seemed like a dream for you.

Kisses became deeper, faster, filled with desire. The gently touches became more intense, eagerly pulling each other’s bodies close until you couldn’t resist more the growing need inside you and the heat between your thighs, a longing to meet her skin, never really realize how touch starved you both were until this moment. You wanted her and you wanted her now. You guided her towards the big bed on the other side of the room, and she seemed so surprised with the unspoken invitation you gave her.

“Are you sure?” she murmured inches away from your lips.

“More than sure.” you told her and a big lustful grin curved her lips and suddenly she didn't seemed shy anymore but way more passionate.

"As you wish, then" she said, a big smirk on her face as her hands roamed gently over your body, tracing figures as they traveled down your back fastly working on your clothes and moments later they laid messily across the floor.

You wanted to help her out, take her out of the long dress she that covered her body, clumsy hands wandered over her back searching for a way to free her body. Rey gave you a small laugh, you were sure she enjoyed the way you were looking so desperately for her.

The moment later the black dress fell to the ground gracefully pooling around her feet leaving her vulnerable and defenseless in front of you, you admired her slim figure covered only by a few pieces of cloth that you were already yearning to take off too.

She crawled on top of your and she gave you a glance full of love before her eyes scanned your exposed body her features filled with desire as she that only made your cheeks flushed red

“You're beautiful, Y/N” she murmured staring down at you before she captured your lips once again hungrily making small whimpers leave your lips.

“And so you are.” you mumbled between kissed,

“But I’m going to make you feel way more beautiful” she told you with a smirk darkened with lust she started to make her way down you body taking her time to leave little pink marks all over your body, from your neck to your breast where she sucked gently and careful on them making you gasp and moan before she keep her way to the middle of your body.

Her hot breath in the lower of your abs made you shiver as her hand went teasingly over your heated core massaging in circles carefully torturing. She stared at you as with such intensity that ignited every hidden passion in you as your chest rose and fell each time faster.

“Rey!” you breathed out as your hips bucked up urging for her touch.

Skilled fingers moved gently in you already heated core as she traced delicate figures in an intoxicating rhythm that poisoned your body with a new wave of pleasure with each stroke and every caress and eventually turned you into a whining mess. She kept you steady into the mattress, hearts thundering, breathe quickening a your combined moans and groans filled the big room completely with the sounds of the lover’s ballad.

A few weeks, even a few days ago the simple idea of this would have seen rather crazy for you, blinded for your pain and fear you wanted to be as far from this woman as possible but now you yearned to feel her closer. Now things had changed, after she opened up with you you couldn’t see her as an enemy but as the woman you once fell in love with. This girl who were taking you closer and closer to your high. Having her between your thighs was the most beautiful image you’ve ever seen and it pleased your senses more than you've ever felt before.

Your high took the breath from your lungs, you could hear yourself calling out her name as your fingers grasp into her hair as the waves of pleasures spreaded all over your body in an euphoric moment.

Slowly she kissed her way up your still shaking body taking care of the sensitive spots on your thighs, your belly and your neck until she finally met your lips again and let you taste yourself before she smiled down at you, with her messy hair and panting on top of you as she admired you with such tenderness in her eyes that made you fall once again for her.

****

Calmed down and with your heartbeat and breath finally coming back down to normal, you laid just a little later huddled up to Rey’s side beneath the dark blankets, you looked at her with a content smile as you softly ran your hand through her soft hair.

"Y/N" she muttered.

"Mm?" You hummed.

"I know this isn't enough and it may mean nothing but… I'm sorry, really" she said looking uneasily at you.

"About…"

"Everything" she cut you off "all the terrible things I've done to you, I'm sorry." She murmured.

She was right, apologizing wouldn't solve anything, nor bring back all those people back to life. The things she did you knew you could never forget or at least it would take time. But it was a start.

You gave her a tiny nod accepting her words.

"The other day in the battlefield I made you a promise, Y/N" she muttered laying a hand on your cheek.

"Yeah, I remember" you told her and you did remember the day she saved you from those troopers.

"I mean it" she said caressing your face "I won't let anyone hurt you again." She told you sincerely. For a moment you just stared at her as a warm sensation grew in your chest. You closed the distance between you to pull her into a sweet delicate kiss before you shifted a little closer to her feeling how your tired body started to melt in her arms and soon you were asleep.

Tagging: @cpt-bolter , @elvencantation , @jay-birf03 , @x-a-gay-disaster-x , @redleysjazz , @hstoria , @iamafangirl-fightme , @leilei-draws , @hayley-the-comet , @snoot-snoot-toot , @1-800-depressedlesbian , @empresspalpatinee , @xgaygremlinx

(In case you want to be tagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)

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smooshjames · 4 years

Text

forget you not (i)

you returned and the wall comes falling down (or: welcome back to la)

word count: a little over 4k

a/n: friends, quarantine has been good for one thing and one thing only: spurring me to write 20,000 words of shayne topp fanfic. it’s five parts and it’ll be updated (probably?) weekly. maybe more often if a lot of people like it. the premise is that the reader (hey that’s you) is in a band (which is based off of little mix; if you’re unfamiliar you should check them out here because they’ve never written a bad song ever) and uhhh things happen. i didn’t write any of the songs mentioned herein; here are links to the songs mentioned this chapter (x, x)

warnings: a metric fuck-ton of angst, this isn’t gender neutral (reader is referred to with she/her pronouns) so there’s that, reader is also implied to have anxiety but i never use the word directly (idk if that’s a necessary warning but it didn’t fit anywhere else)

Shayne knew something was up the second Courtney rounded the corner. He was sitting at his desk working on some ideas for possible upcoming videos, but he glanced up when he noticed the blonde entering. She cast a quick glance around the room, looking for somebody, and then she made eye contact with Shayne and did that thing she did when she was up to no good: a slight narrowing of the eyes, a slight upturn of the lips. She squared her shoulders and began marching directly toward him.

Great.

“Mr. Topp,” she said once she was within earshot of him. She rounded his desk and leaned back against it, folding her arms over her chest. “I have a proposition for you.”

Great.

Shayne sat back in his chair and nodded.

“I bought concert tickets for this Saturday for me and a friend,” she began. “But my friend just canceled on me -- family emergency -- and now I’ve got no one to go with. I already asked a bunch of other people and they’re already busy. I got these tickets months ago and they’re really good tickets so they were super fucking expensive and I feel shitty just… throwing one away. So I was hoping you would go with me.”

There was a moment of silence as Shayne considered. He was pretty sure he knew what the tickets were for; Courtney had been into some girl group lately. It probably wasn’t his first pick for a concert, but he was free on Saturday and he could tell Courtney really wanted someone to come with her. Plus, he was never one to turn down a free concert ticket.

“Yeah, sure,” he said. It would be good for him to get out of the house, at least. “Why not?”

Courtney grinned and clapped her hands together. “Great! I got a really good deal on VIP tickets so there’s a photo op beforehand. I’ll text you the address, be there at five o’clock on the dot.”

Shayne nodded and smiled over his shoulder as Courtney retreated back to her own desk. With her gone, he turned back to his laptop and got back to work, considering his new weekend plans as he did so.

The band probably wasn’t his first pick, sure, but going to a concert with Courtney could never be boring. And it would sure as hell be better than sitting at his apartment alone all night. So, all things considered, he was pretty excited.

***

It had been a long time since you’d been in LA.

You’d been on-edge all day; jittery, standoffish. Being back in this city was a blessing and a curse. This was the place where you had discovered your love of music and started your career, but it was also the place where you’d suffered the worst heartbreak of your life.

It didn’t help that you’d gotten up at four o’clock that morning.

You and your bandmates had spent most of the day doing press before making your way to the venue of your concert -- not the biggest concert hall LA had to offer, but certainly not the smallest, which was bittersweet in your mind. The decently-sized venue meant you were succeeding and moving up in the world. It also meant a decently-sized paycheck. But, on the downside, it meant that the crowd would be one of the biggest you’d ever performed for. More people meant more eyes watching your every move, scrutinizing you, noticing if you did something wrong. That filled you with dread.

You took a deep breath in the dressing room mirror, trying to convince yourself that everything would be okay. In five minutes, the meet and greet/photo op for people with VIP tickets would begin. You looked stunning; black and white leotard, thigh-high boots, and a faux fur coat which would definitely cause you to overheat under the stage lights. Your makeup and hair were done up to perfection.

You were photo-ready by all accounts except your own. You couldn’t stop fidgeting with your outfit, your hair, your accessories, trying in vain to make yourself look perfect. You could never quite seem to get there.

You were startled out of your thoughts by the sound of the dressing room door opening. One of your bandmates and best friends, Carly, entered the room. She was dressed in a black-and-white outfit to match the theme, but hers consisted of high-waisted leather pants and a crop top. Her makeup was the same as yours.

“Hey,” she said, voice soft. Carly had been your friend since before the band started, and thus she knew about what had happened last time you were in LA. You didn’t like to talk about it much, partly because it made you upset and partly because you didn’t see the point in dwelling on it. It had been years ago. It was stupid to be upset about it, and yet here you were. And Carly knew because you told Carly everything, even the stupid things.

You didn’t say anything in response to her greeting. You just flashed her a tight smile and checked yourself one last time in the mirror. You took a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, trying to calm your nerves. You decided that you’d have to face the music sooner or later.

“We’re all ready when you are, buttercup,” Carly said. You smiled at the sound of her nickname for you. “How’re you feeling?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you replied. And then you followed her out of the dressing room.

The photo op room was pretty simple. A small room half taken up by a simple white backdrop, half taken up with lights and camera equipment. There were four stools set out for you and your bandmates. The fans would come in through a door to the band’s left, talk for a couple of minutes, take their picture, and exit out the door to the band’s right. From there, they would go to their seats in the concert hall.

All you had to do was stand there, be friendly, smile for pictures. Easy.

And for the first hour or so, it was. You met countless fans and had wonderful conversations with them. A couple of them talked to you specifically about how important and inspiring you were to them, which honestly had you a little bit speechless.

You finished up your conversation with a group of teenage girls all decked out in tour merch, smiled for your picture, and waved to them as their chaperone (one of the girls’ moms, you assumed) led them out.

With the door shut behind them, you heard the door to your left open and the next group be admitted. A girl of average height rounded the backdrop, smiling brightly. She was pretty, you noted; thin, with shoulder-length blonde hair and delicate features. She had her hand wrapped around someone’s wrist, and when your gaze lifted from their wrist to their face, your heart nearly stopped beating.

Shayne.

You knew that Carly realized it was him at the same moment you did because you felt her stiffen beside you. You groped blindly for a stool and sat down on it, forcing yourself not to bolt out of the room. It seemed that he hadn’t noticed you yet.

Carly took a step backward so she could put an arm around your shoulders. If you didn’t know any better, you wouldn’t have thought anything of it. Everyone knew you and Carly were best friends (there were even quite a few people out there who suspected you were a couple). But you knew that she was trying to ground you in reality, and for that, you were profoundly grateful.

You were also impressed with Carly’s acting ability at that moment because even as her entire body went rigid, her smile didn’t waver for a millisecond. The girl introduced herself as Courtney and began talking excitedly to Alexis, one of your other bandmates, and she seemed to be none the wiser to the sudden tension in the room.

You couldn’t tear your eyes away from Shayne even despite your best efforts to look at Courtney, or Carly, or Matt the photographer, or even the floor. He had grown up a lot since you saw him last, and he looked good. Seeing him again was bringing up all the conflicted feelings you’d been keeping locked inside your chest for the past five years, and you were pretty sure you were going to explode.

For the first few seconds, he wasn’t looking at the band; he turned around the room, looking at the lighting and equipment. You figured, based on the fact that you didn’t really sing Shayne’s type of music, and based on the way Courtney had been holding onto his wrist when they walked in, that it hadn’t been his idea to come to this concert.

You also figured they were probably dating, which made the revolt currently happening in your gut that much worse.

Time screeched to a halt as Shayne turned back around from inspecting the lighting equipment and immediately made direct eye contact with you. His eyes went wide and his jaw dropped slightly. Suddenly, you couldn’t hear what Courtney -- who had now moved on to talking to Piper, your fourth bandmate -- was saying. The ringing in your ears was too loud. A strangled sound was pulled out of your throat and you covered it with a loud, abrupt cough. When you looked back, Shayne seemed to be looking anywhere but your face.

And then Courtney made her way over to you.

She was just another fan, you told yourself. Just another fan, not your ex’s new girlfriend. Just another fan, not a girl who was definitely prettier and funnier and smarter than you, who Shayne probably loved more than he’d ever loved you. Just another fan, not the girl who got to hold him at night while you slept alone in a cold hotel bed.

“Y/N!” she squealed. You swallowed hard and forced a smile onto your face. She seemed really nice, and you hated yourself for hating her. From the way she was acting, you figured that she probably didn’t know who you were. At least, who you were to Shayne. “Can I hug you? I know that’s super forward but you’re, like, my favorite singer in the whole world and I’ve been counting down the minutes until I got to meet you!”

Carly stiffened beside you again, but you ignored her. Piper and Alexis seemed to have caught on by now that something was wrong; they didn’t know who Shayne was, but they knew when you were faking a smile, and they knew that whenever Carly got protective over you, something was wrong.

Doing your best not to think about it, you nodded enthusiastically. “Of course!” you said. You slid off your stool and closed the distance between the two of you, wrapping her up in a hug. There was one awful moment when your feet hit the ground that you thought your knees wouldn’t support you, but you managed to stay upright despite the fact that your bones were turning into Jell-O. You squeezed your eyes shut and pretended you were hugging Carly, Piper, literally any other human being on the planet. As soon as she pulled back, you sat back down, not trusting yourself to stand unsupported.

“Okay, picture time,” Matt said.

Courtney nodded and got over onto your right side, slinging her arm around your shoulders and beaming for the picture. Shayne took his place between Piper and Alexis.

Matt snapped a few photos and then Courtney and Shayne were ushered out of the room by one of the crew people, and it was like you could breathe again. You collapsed against Carly like a house of cards. You were fairly sure that without her there to hold you somewhat upright, you would’ve fallen off your stool and into a heap on the ground. You felt your hands start to shake and you cursed yourself for it, hated yourself for the way your throat constricted with tears.

You heard Piper ask Matt if the band could have a moment of privacy, heard the door shut as he left the room, but it was distant and muffled, like your head was underwater. You pushed yourself away from Carly and gulped in air, trying to remember how to breathe, trying desperately not to vomit.

Carly let you sit up on the stool on your own, keeping just one hand on your arm as support. She knew you well enough to know that you needed a little bit of space to breathe and get your bearings. Alexis and Piper had walked over now, forming a protective huddle around you. You curled in on yourself slightly, crossing your arms over your stomach and staring down at your knees, trying to focus on breathing.

“We need to talk.”

A bolt of panic flashed through you. Shayne had just gotten home, and he was being oddly distant. You asked him how his day was and got no reply, which was strange. For a few minutes, though, you were able to rationalize it; maybe he’d just had a rough day and didn’t want to talk about it.

But then you heard those dreaded four words, and for just a moment the world stopped turning. Your hands trembled slightly as you put your bookmark in the book you were reading and leaned forward to set it safely on the coffee table. You put on the most neutral, unaffected face you could and turned around to face him. He was leaning up against your kitchen island with his back to you. His head was bowed slightly and you could see the tension he was holding in his shoulders.

“What’s up, babe?” you asked. All things considered, you actually managed to sound somewhat normal. You’d been half-expecting your voice to come out as a strained squeak, and half-expecting it to not come out at all. The fact that you’d managed a coherent sentence was a triumph in and of itself.

“This isn’t working anymore.”

There it was. The fear you’d had since day one. The thing that kept you awake long after he’d fallen asleep. He had gotten tired of you, finally realized he was better off without you, that he could do better than you. You felt tears welling up in your eyes but managed by some miracle to hold them back. A question flashed through your mind unbidden; had he already found someone else?

“What?” you asked, hoping against hope that you’d heard him wrong.

He turned to face you now, and his expression was unreadable. His eyes were stony, narrowed, distant. For a moment, you almost didn’t recognize him. You were used to Shayne as he always was; open, gentle, all warm gazes and goofy grins. In all the time you’d known him, he’d never been hard for you to read. But now he was and that was terrifying.

“I can’t be with you,” he said. He didn’t even sound upset; no anger, no sadness. He was just… resigned, passive, like he felt nothing all. Like there was nothing you could do or say to change this. Like it was inevitable.

You shook your head, mouth slightly agape, completely dumbfounded. You were trying to think of something to say, something poetic and beautiful that would make him reconsider, but your brain was making dial-up noises trying to compute what he was saying, and suddenly all the words in the English language escaped you entirely.

“I’m sorry,” he said. And he shrugged.

You didn’t cry, which took an impressive level of self-control on your end. No, you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry. If he wanted this, fine. If he felt nothing, fine. Then you felt nothing either.

Without a word, you went into the bedroom and threw some clothes into a bag. You grabbed your laptop. You walked into the bathroom to pack the essential toiletries.

Shayne didn’t move a muscle. He stood stock-still in the middle of your living space, staring at the place where you’d been sitting.

Finally, with your bag packed, you walked back into the living room and picked up your phone, keys, and wallet. You also tucked the book you’d been reading into your bag. “I’ll be back in a couple days to get the rest of my stuff,” you said. “You can keep all the furniture. Stay in the apartment if you want. I’m going to Carly’s.”

“That’s it?” he asked. He was staring at you, brows furrowed, voice strained.

You narrowed your eyes, confused and a little angry. “This is what you want, isn’t it? You just said that this isn’t working anymore. Am I supposed to fight? You want our last conversation to be a screaming match? I’ve been in this situation before, Shayne. There’s nothing I can say to change your mind. Better I leave now before we both say shit we regret.”

“I --” he began, but you were already gone.

“That was her ex,” you heard Carly say, and you realized that Piper had asked what was wrong. “He… well, there’s a lot of history there.”

Alexis and Piper both murmured sympathetically. You all had your share of shitty exes and love-related experiences; you’d all written your share of songs about it, that much was certain. Shayne was no exception there, but you were almost certain he didn’t know about your music. He had seemed just as surprised as you were when he saw you.

“Hey, sweetheart,” a new voice caused you to look up from your hunched position. Michelle, your manager, was standing there with a water bottle and a sympathetic look on her face. You took the water from her and smiled gratefully, not trusting your voice. “There are only a few fans left in line and then you’ve got some time between the photo op and mic check, okay?

“Maybe we should tell them that Y/N’s not feeling well --” Alexis began, but you held up a hand to stop her.

“I’m fine,” you said. You took a long drink of water and straightened up, put on a brave face. “I can tough it out through the last few groups. I will not disappoint people who paid money to see me, especially not over a boy.”

“That’s my girl,” Carly said, squeezing your arm before letting her hand drop back to her side. Michelle nodded and went to let the next group in. Matt the photographer reentered.

You smiled through the rest of the meet and greet, and it seemed like the fans were none the wiser. Finally, the last ones left and you felt your shoulders relax. You felt better now that some time had passed between seeing Shayne, still shaken up but far less nauseous.

“Mic check is at 6:30,” Michelle said once the last group was gone. “It’s just after six now so you’ve got a little under a half-hour to finish getting ready for the show. Take a breather, Y/N,” she said. You couldn’t help but laugh a little at that; Michelle was your manager, but she was also essentially the group’s mom while you guys were on the road. She kept you guys on schedule and on task, but always made sure your health was a priority as well. She was a godsend.

Carly, Alexis, and Piper led you back to the dressing room, where you immediately sank down into one of the armchairs in the back corner. It was half-hidden behind your costume rack, but that was alright; it was the most comfortable chair in the room, and you didn’t have to look at yourself in the mirror while you sat in it.

“I have an idea,” Carly said. You raised an eyebrow at the tone of her voice and the look on her face; that little smirk was never good. “Why don’t we sing Towers? You wrote it about him, didn’t you?”

You sighed. She was right; you had written a lot of songs about him, or at least with him in mind, and Towers was one of them. “I don’t know…” you said. On the one hand, it sounded really good. Towers was, in your opinion, one of the best songs you’d ever written, so you knew the fans would love it. And it was sort of a golden opportunity, right? When else would you get to sing one of the songs you’d written about him, one of the last songs you’d written about him, in a forum where you could be sure he’d hear it?

But on the other hand, it felt cruel. Your relationship had ended in fucking flames, but it hadn’t been entirely his fault. You had done things wrong, too, and it would be childish for you to ignore that. Besides, he had clearly moved on. You didn’t want to be the one dwelling on the past and singing a song from five years ago to a boy who was already ten miles past over you.

But on the other other hand, he’d probably never even heard the song before. He wouldn’t know that you specifically had written it, and he wouldn’t know that it was about him. Maybe singing it knowing he could hear would be the thing you needed to finally get closure. He didn’t have to actually know it was about him; you just had to convince yourself that he did. And then maybe your heart would finally put the years you’d spent together to rest. You took a deep breath.

“Okay,” you said. “When’s a good time to slot it in?”

The rest of the band giggled excitedly and began pitching ideas for when it would be the best time to sing the song. You did your best to settle your nerves, still frayed from seeing Shayne and now renewed with the idea of singing this song in front of him. But you were ready. In fact, you were excited.

You just hoped it didn’t blow up in your face.

***

Shayne was pretty sure his fucking lungs were collapsing.

Courtney was talking animatedly as she led him to their seats -- which were, of course, right up against the front of the stage -- but his brain wasn’t processing any of her words. He just mumbled his approval occasionally; yeah, the blonde’s outfit was really pretty, sure, they were all so nice. He desperately wanted to get out of this arena. He considered feigning a stomach ache and going home, but he’d feel like an asshole if he did. He certainly didn’t want to tell Courtney the truth for fear of ruining the concert (or, even worse, the band as a whole) for her. He had no way out; he’d have to suck it up and get through the concert. Once it was done, then he could go home and scream into his pillows to his hearts content.

He was so taken up by the whirlwind of emotions, thoughts, and memories running through his head that he almost slammed into Courtney as she stopped short, evidently having found their seats. He caught himself just in time to avoid hitting her, luckily, but not in time to avoid her noticing that something was up. “You okay?” she asked. Damn her and her perceptiveness.

“Uh, yeah,” he said. “Just, um… I’m gonna run to the bathroom. I’ll meet you back here.”

She nodded, and he barely even heard her little “okay” before he was walking quickly up the aisle toward the exit. He felt his throat spasming around tears and gritted his teeth against the sensation. He refused to cry. It had been years. He should’ve been over this.

He made his way toward the men’s bathroom and felt relief flood his system when he discovered it empty. He supposed it was still over an hour before the show started; the only people here were the arena crew, the band’s people, and the VIP ticket holders.

Shayne braced himself against the sink counter and gave himself a long, hard look in the mirror. All things considered, he looked alright. His eyes were a little red but he didn’t look like he’d been crying, and his breathing was coming a little more evenly now that he had the time to collect himself.

He just hadn’t been expecting to see you, that was all. It definitely wasn’t that some part of him was still in love with you, that he was kicking himself for letting you get away, and that seeing you in person had brought back every ounce of self-loathing over what had happened. No, it wasn’t that; he’d just been caught off guard. You had seemed pretty stricken yourself, if your widened eyes and shallow breathing had been any indication. His chest tightened at the notion that he may have caused you any anxiety or pain before you had to perform, especially on top of the damage he had already done so long ago.

Breathe, Shayne. Just breathe.

He nodded at himself in the bathroom mirror and went to rejoin Courtney. The whole time, he was desperately trying to convince himself that he would just enjoy the concert. He resolved to ignore the fact that it was you up there singing and dancing (and wearing an insanely revealing costume that hugged your curves in all the right places). He could still have fun.

He would still have fun.

#shayne topp x reader #shayne topp #eliza.txt #forget you not #anyway... here's this

133 notes · View notes

jksangelic · 5 years

Text

defanged (m)

↳ rating: M

↳ genre: smut, fluff, werewolf!au, a/b/o au, pwp

↳ pairing: mates werewolf!reader x werewolf/alpha!hoseok

↳ warnings: explicit sexual content, dom themes, breathplay, knotting, rough play, impregnation kink, overall general ”werewolf” smut themes, personality change, probably an uncomfortable amount of squishy mate talk

↳ summary: hoseok is an easy mate—as such that there are moments you question if he’s just human. so when his sudden spike of aggression emerges, you do your best to keep this unknown man at bay. or, alternatively: young alpha hoseok has started teething and he’s being a bratty puppy about it.

↳ note: ok so if you were with me a few months ago you would know that this is actually a collab fic with a couple other writers but life happens and here we are now *cowboy emoji*. this is really important to me bc they’re such *clench fist* great people and i’m happy i received such an opportunity to collab with them (’: pls make sure to rb/like/visit our collab masterlist if you want to be in-the-know of when they post their parts!

also i wanted to play around with the humorous sides of what werewolves might go thru (-: so, like, short attention spans and hating loud noises and typical big dog stuff. with the teething, just imagine that their growth stages are prolonged because they’re, idk, maybe immortal or something lol

(i…… i’m not used to writing fantasy can u tell)

((gif isn’t mine + his side profile ;-;))

↳ words: 9k+

You could hear every miniscule thread snap and unwind from themselves, a simple task such as painting your nails becoming less relaxing than it should be.

“Hobi,” you mumble once. You swipe down your thumb again, carmine red smoothing over brightly and with utmost delicacy. He doesn’t listen, another squeaking grind of his teeth against the material of his sweatshirt followed by a snapsnap.

“Hobi,” you say a little louder, flinching from annoyance and staining your cuticle with the polish. You curse your discontents, waiting for him to look at you but only meeting a turned neck and eyes still glued to his phone, an I’m listening portrayed by his demeanor but not really meaning it.

He chews hard on the neckline, a solid rip completely tearing several inches down his chest, eyes widening and attention finally caught when his chest is exposed hilariously.

“Hoseok!” you yell, slamming the closed bottle onto the coffee table and meeting his startled eyes, “I just bought that for you!”

He hopes to play it off and shrugs as you swipe it from his teeth, untwined fibers poking out sadly. You smooth your thumbs over the poor fabric, the third victim of his recent gnashing problem.

“Why do you keep doing this?” you ask sadly, a little more bummed about the beautiful sweatshirt than you should be.

He responds simply, “My gums itch.”

You roll your eyes at his childlike excuse, the full-sized man sitting cross-legged and distractedly in his corner of the couch with his phone paused on some game with horrendously annoying music. Was he really your alpha?

“Why don’t you do us some good and go hunting.” You offer, a lame excuse to get Hoseok out of your hair for a bit. It’s what you deserve. He rolls over with a harrumph, shoulder now bare from the growing tear in his clothing. It made you giggle slightly.

“I’m in pain and you’re laughing at me,” he deadpans, body static-still and stubborn more than ever.

Your breath fans his skin as you slither next to him, “I’m sorry, baby. Are you really hurting? Why don’t you go to the dentist?”

Hoseok pouts, taptaptapping away at his screen instead of looking at you, “I don’t want to go to the dentist. They just itch.” Even now, he licks over the burning sensation of his gums, clenching and grinding his teeth to ease the feeling in any way. You can hear the collisions of his canines, your own tingling uncomfortably from the sound.

You shake your head. “Maybe you’re teething,” you suggest in all seriousness. It wasn’t impossible; your kind’s lifespan certainly placing such life stages at seemingly unusual times. In any case, it would simply mean his canines were most likely growing longer and stronger.

He scoffs as if you’ve insulted him, “I’m well over my teething days, Y/N. They just itc—"

“Say that one more time and I’ll neuter you,” you huff. When he lacks a kinder response, you push yourself off the couch to tidy your bedroom instead. He clearly wasn’t in the mood to have a serious conversation with you at the moment, and despite its rarity, you could use your space.

Your mate was in no way irritable; in fact, Hoseok was one of the sunniest alpha’s you’ve ever encountered. His kindness differentiated him from others, bearing his mark (and one day, hopefully, his pups) certainly deeming you quite lucky. He was a soft lover above all, never making you feel as a subordinate or anything of the like.

Perhaps it’s why you two were clashing heads recently, his personality completely contradictory from his true self. Never does he ignore you, let alone snap at you.

Folding your clothes (and purposefully leaving his items in a pile on his side of the bed in spite), you exhale heavily and leave for the living room once again, disregarding your now smeared manicure.

Hoseok beams at the shoe aisle, producing more light than whatever was already lit in the store. Due to his “issue”, stopping by the mall was a given. Two more of his shirts and even one of your necklaces mangled and chewed up like he was the Tasmanian Devil.

Petting his hair fondly, you give him a nuzzle to his cheek, “I’ll be in the next store over, puppy. Come meet me when you’re done.” He nods happily, wide-frame glasses bobbing atop his pretty nose.

You beeline for the department store in hopes of purchasing a few extra things for yourself before Hoseok sniffs you out. It’s immediate heaven when you sift through the dresses, picking a few out and dangling them happily on your fingers before bouncing from rack to rack. By the time you reach the dressing rooms, your arm aches from the pile you’ve accumulated.

“Hey there, you can go ahead and take that first stall right there,” a man directs, tall and intimidating and rather fucking handsome, you think. “My name’s Jaebum. Let me know if you need anything and I’ll go grab it for you.”

You bat your lashes and mouth a Thanks before waltzing into your room, appreciating his kindness perhaps a little too much. Despite your complex and absolute relationship status, it didn’t hurt to peek at what’s on display. It was only right!

You try on more than what you even remembered picking out, velvets and satins and the softest of cottons all hugging you warmly with every piece, a bittersweet happiness when everything seemed to fit you perfectly. The last dress, though, is your only hiccup. Material skin-tight and ending just a little above your ankles; you harrumph. Almost a perfect streak.

Dress still on (at least it zipped), you peek through the door and spot handsome Bum at the front. “Psst, um, do you mind getting me a couple more sizes in this? I think it was near the wall to the right.”

He grins and nods, almost grateful of the fact that you asked him to do so. Why was he even in this section? Should it concern you?

You watch as he leaves, back muscles showcased quite lavishly in his pristinely pressed suit.

Should it be more concerning that it didn’t?

You take a moment to look at the dress once more, smoothing over the velvet that bunched snugly at your waist and checking out your own ass. The fabric might rip if you sneeze too hard but you look pretty damn splendid.

“Found a few more and got you another color as well,” Jaebum says upon return. You almost snap your neck away from the mirror, hoping he didn’t see you ogling your bum. What a speedy fellow.

You politely open the door wider and reach for the hangers, “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

Jaebum doesn’t fully hand it to you though, briefly but noticeably skimming over your body, “I think that size is cute on you too. You have a really beautiful figure.”

Maybe it should concern you. You chuckle awkwardly and look elsewhere. Please just give me my dresses, you almost say, now self-conscious in your skin.

“It’s even better when she’s naked. I would know,” Hoseok near growls, appearing out of thin air. He swipes the hangers from behind Jaebum, who is surprised beyond all comprehension of the word, and pushes you back into the room. You’ve never seen him look so enraged, face serious and twitching as if he would shift at any given moment.

“Th-There aren’t allowed to be more than one person in a—,” Jaebum nervously starts from the other side before the door is slammed on his nose.

You didn’t even see Jaebum’s reaction, nor do you ponder it when Hoseok drops your beautiful dresses and thrusts your back against the mirror with his hand to your neck, deliberately making you yelp loud enough for others to hear. You recoil as he bares his fangs, sharp and taunting, threatening to devour you whole and you know this isn’t your Hobi.

He doesn’t get the chance for whatever else he had in store when pure vehemence engulfs you, daring to stand your ground with a low guttural snarl and shoving him off. Your strength is nothing to snicker at, his shoulders nearly hitting the other wall despite his stature.

“What’s wrong with you?” you didn’t even care if everyone in the damn store could hear you, “Don’t you dare touch me!”

Regret instantly arises in his eyes, his hands reaching out to comfort you in any way but hesitant in the warning. He would rather die than hurt you, he was sorry, he was so sorry.

Your body can feel his sorrow and want, itching to touch him in any way but you push it down. The little she-wolf in you whimpers as you struggle out of the dress and leave him alone in the stall, begging for you to go back and forgive him.

Jaebum stands, bewildered, outside of the rooms. He sure did rue the moment he ever made advances on you. Not a word is spoken as you pass by and exit the store.

It doesn’t make it any easier when Hoseok follows you closely. “Baby, I’m sorry. Please.”

“You were going to shift because of some stupid sales clerk! You could’ve gotten us in some deep shit with the order,” you scold, “We’re going home. Right now.” This was a double-edged sword, you didn’t even get to purchase anything. Though your mood is far too foul to continue.

“But I didn’t! No one saw anything. I just lost my cool for a second, I promise. I know better.” Even Hoseok strains to keep up your pace, car already in view and goddamn you walk fast.

“Do you? Are you seriously justifying your actions? You need to uphold your responsibilities, Hoseok. You’re not new to this.” He finds that he despises when you lecture him this way, gums and skin and everything prickly and he wish he could gnaw on something right about now.

It was odd to tell him these things, taking into consideration that his role is considerably higher than yours and that he hardly ever faults as an alpha. If there wasn’t something going on biologically, what else could it be?

He’s obviously straining to keep his composure now, jaw slacked and knuckles cracking in his fist, “How am I supposed to do that now? It won’t happen again. It’s over.”

“Then what about your shitty mood swings? We don’t argue, Hoseok. You’re not mean, you’re not easily agitated, and you’re not a fucking paper shredder. Neither are you aggressive to your own mate,” you throw in his face, unsurprised when he cowers again at the thought. It’s like the man was on his period.

Now that you recall, the last time you’ve ever seen him so angry at you is when you watched Endgame without him, and that should say enough. This was just all so new and unbecoming of someone with his level of reputation.

“You know I didn’t mean to do that. I never want to hurt you…” he leads as you beat him to the driver’s side of the car, watching him over the hood for him to finish his sentence, “I’m just—”

“You what, Hoseok?”

He jostles the door handle a few times, a rep of unsettling clacks making him uneasy.

“Can you unlock the car?”

“You what?” you say a little louder, entirely avoiding his question.

“Goddammit,” he hisses, “Just let me in and we can talk about it when we get home.” You scan his face in search of anything. For the truth. For him to own up to what it is. What you get is nothing.

So you smile, “No.”

He stands cluelessly as you unlock your door and hop in, starting the car with a satisfying roll and opening his window just enough to see his addled facial expression.

“What are you doing?” he deadpans.

“If you won’t admit it then you obviously don’t take me seriously, and if you won’t take me seriously then I’ll take my car home by myself. So, toodles!”

He smirks nervously, slender fingers sifting through his hair, “Y/N, c’mon. Just let me in.” He’s even more staggered when you start reversing out of your spot. Eyes widening hilariously, he cusses under his breath as he walks cautiously towards the door.

“Have a fun run, baby. Better get home soon,” you feign pity, “looks like it’s going to start raining pretty soon.”

“We live an hour away!”

You drive down the row, turning on your signal just in case someone needed to know. Shucks, you were such a good driver, even in the parking lot.

Hoseok thinks otherwise, anger and panic so vivid that you can feel it from this distance. Walking Time Bomb even begins to jog, not willing to risk your bluff.

“Okay! Okay, I admit it. I may be going through something…” his wavering voice trickles into your head. “You’re right.’

You let him catch up to you, eyes shifty and fingers fiddling. “Hi, darling. Can you say that one more time? In person?” His chest puffs.

“I already said it once,” he begs.

Was his pride this important? Did the strangled mutt deep down change your Hoseok for the worst? An impatient car behind you honks and you shrug.

“You’re making people wait. I’m going to leave.”

“Jesus fucking—okay. I think I’m teething. Or something involving my dental state. It’s making me fucking grumpy and it’s painful and I want to punch a fucking wall because it’s stupid that this phase is so late.” You unlock his door mid-sentence, his body falling into his seat before he continues to blabber on.

“Oh, little puppy,” you slide your sunglasses from atop your head down to the bridge of your nose, “Don’t be so sensitive. ‘S like a human adult getting braces.”

The week passes by agonizingly slow. And that wasn't necessarily because Hoseok bitched and complained, throwing temper tantrums when the remote had fallen between the couch cushions or throwing his pants stormily when they would catch on his ankles and make him hobble about like a disabled chicken.

Or maybe it was because of that.

You dare to creak the door to his den (pun intended), having locked himself in such confinement to work through the paperwork that's been piling on his mahogany desk for days. He looks worn around the eyes, long brown hair pushed back with his fake reading glasses. You knock three times as if he couldn't already sense your presence. When he looks at you through his lashes, he nods for you to proceed.

"Hi, baby. How's the work going?" you ask with a honey-dipped edge.

He shrugs, "A lot of affairs from other packs that I have to go over. I should be done soon."

You slink behind his office chair and wrap your arms around his shoulders, "Mm, why don't you take a break and have a nice little bath with me?" He doesn't budge one inch, straightening out a stack of papers before stapling them neatly and tucking them into one of his drawers.

"I need to finish this. I've been pushing it back until the last minute."

Rolling him out a bit, you slide onto his lap and rest on his chest. Your touch always lulls a serene sensitivity from his skin, a natural effect that only you are capable of. But his muscles remain taut. Bones stiff and budging none whatsoever. Stuttering, you try again, "You've been working for hours. I'm lonely. Just an hour--,"

"Y/N. I'm warning you. Get off."

She-wolf unconsciously warns you to stand down upon this statement. Was he being serious? He's warning you? You search his blank face, waiting for him to crack a smile or lift you up and attack you with kisses. When he doesn't, you test the waters.

Your nails scratch the bare skin under his shirt, "H-Hoseokie, we haven't had sex in so long," you whine. Invading his space, however, only sets him off more.

He growls, deep and meant to be menacing. It takes brutal force to push yourself to move, a weight halting your ministrations. His word, no matter how rare it be, was your law. Do you dare defy that?

You unbutton his pants the same time he threatens, "Continue any further and see what happens." He's breathier than normal and that gives you some satisfaction. He was your mate, after all. Eternal fulfillment was your duty.

The feeling of his heavy and growing bulge, nestling in the crook of his thigh, is a success all in its own. You purr and rub your legs together, licking at Hoseok's neck lovingly and waiting for him to give in. "Hobi, you're already--ah!"

Your view spins as Hoseok scruffs you to his desk, cold wood pressed to your cheek and wrists somehow pinned behind you. Yiping in fear, you struggle in his harsh imprisonment.

"You don't fucking listen," he complains, voice balancing on the line between speaking and yelling.

"Hoseok! L-Let me g-go--," you start before he grinds himself into your ass, boner prominent and angry as it prods. He replaces the hand to your neck with his mouth, laving and suckling all the way down your shoulder.

"Can't do that. I warned you and you disobeyed me. You disobey your alpha, Y/N?"

"No, I'm sorry--," you squeak before your dress is thrown over your back and a sharp slap comes down onto your ass.

You don’t believe the sound that comes out of your throat, pressing your thighs together and wiggling the pain away. “J-Jung Hoseok! What is—” Another slap, harder than the first.

The nerves tingle all the way down to your toes as your eyes roll back. You moan once more, unsolicited and without restraint. Hoseok is content with your reaction, not expecting you to squirm so nicely because of your punishment.

"You like this, don't you? I can smell you leaking like some submissive whore," he snarls with an edge of disappointment. You're beyond mortified of how he speaks to you, although not inclined to deny his words. Not when he spanks you once more, with such force that a scream is rewarded and your back arches in euphoric pain.

"Hoseok, no more, please. I'll--I'll cum if you keep, ugh," you blabber over yourself. He thinks you look prettily pathetic drooling on his desk, so close to spilling over the edge from being physically humiliated.

"Tch, so weak," he comments before releasing your wrist and letting you collapse to the floor. "Are you done?" The question both turns you on and pisses you off, emotions swirling into something self-destructive.

Crawling on the carpet and up his leg, you nuzzle into his bulge, "But I still didn't get what I want." You don’t even ponder where this behavior is coming from; slinking out of you like a dog with its tail between its legs. Perhaps his own change of manner influenced one in you.

He could laugh at how easy you were being, wondering when he ever mated with someone who acts like such a sexually-obsessed brat. "Oh?" he prompts, "So you think you get to make the calls here?"

Licking the hem of his boxers in response, he doesn't feel pleased with your lack of words. You perk up when he shuffles his cock out from the confines of his layers. It’s almost instinctual, not wasting any time to pepper kisses and kitten licks to his tip. God, he even smells amazing. You don't care if you look ridiculous, feverish with your actions like he'd take away your precious treat if you weren't cautious.

He snickers at you, petting your hair with an unexpectedly soft touch. Your heart-shaped irises peer up, knowing he loves your eye contact when you suck him off. Watching the blush spread on his face means that you must be doing your job correctly. Besides, not even the Big Bad Wolf can deny when he feels his pleasure.

He almost can’t stand the self-righteousness that oozes off you. If you thought you were in control, you were dead-wrong. "You want my cock that bad, huh, baby?" your love bunches as much of your hair as he can with his fist, "Then fucking take it."

Then his girthy dick shoves to the back of your throat without warning, hips to your nose and thrustingthrustingthrusting as far as he can.

You'd sputter if your mouth wasn't so full, eyes overflowing with tears and throat constricting in hopes that he'll let you go. When he doesn't and continues to grind himself down your mouth, you dig your nails into his thighs and whine on his persistent cock. It doesn’t matter, the digging crescents in his thighs rousing him even further and even hoping those pretty nails of yours leave marks for him. He’d accept no less.

Hoseok thrusts twice more before pulling you off and watching you cough maniacally. The tears that gathered were now running down your face, accompanied with your saliva that leaks from your chin and onto the floor.

You couldn't breathe, you couldn't ask him to stop, and you loved it.

He cocks a brow as you struggle to catch up, "We'll stop here. You're obviously not made for this."

Pitiful is the only word he can use to describe how quickly you paw and beg for him, desperately wrapping your fingers around the base of his member and pumping him just the way he likes it, "No! I can take it, please use me." Your unstable hand massages the cum-saliva mix as well as it can, a small victory celebrated when he bucks into you.

"Mm," his thumb wipes a stray tear from your lip, "You're so beautiful when you cry. Will you sit on the desk for me?"

You don't hesitate to obey, being careful to hop up when your bum is so sore but otherwise eager for him to touch you again. When he places himself between your legs, your body hums.

"I'm... I'm not well, Y/N. I don't want to hurt you," he says, voicing his first concern after what's already happened. With his brows knit in concern and his slender fingers rubbing calmly at your sides, it's almost as if the Hoseok you know has returned. The Hobi that makes your pancakes just a little overcooked like you prefer. Who makes you a blanket nest when you’re feeling down. And will gladly give up his last bite of anything to watch you munch happily even after you’ve finished your own portion.

In some way, this was your same Hobi. Maybe not so sweet and innocent but more on the receiving end. Spending his days tending to you out of pure love and pleasure to see you bloom; it was just your turn to return the favor.

So you kiss him with fervor and mold your chest to his, feeling the scorching heat that emanates from him. He must seriously be straining himself, you think. His canines graze your lips and you know he's trying his best to hold back; to not completely obliterate you.

"I want to help you," you whisper against his mouth. You implore him and he doesn’t hesitate to take your offer.

You extend your legs as he rushes to pull down your thong, throwing it to the side, and embracing you with another kiss, all tongue and pants. Some of his documents get ruffled under your steadying hands and he shoves them off altogether, a rain of really important paper littering the room. He comes in a little too excitedly, slamming a drawer closed with his thigh and even scooting his desk across the floor.

“God fucking dammit,” he swears, your chuckles covering his wet lips. “I’m… a mess… not thinking straight. Need to cum inside you.”

You purr when his head rubs against your sex, an electric sensation tearing through you. “Want you to knot me,” you whisper. A mistake in its own because he’s practically moaning into your mouth when you say such things.

“Yeah, baby? Want your cunt pumped full? Hm?” he asks into your jaw, all the while spreading your legs as far as they can split with his strong hands. His hips begin to circle like he’s stalling as long as possible and that rouses you up in a way.

You nod with sultry eyes and chant, “Yes. Yes, yes.” By the second yes does he all but slam into you, your final confirmation his endgame.

Hoseok was truly blessed in size, something no mere human could ever match. His length alone would make you double over in ecstasy if he allowed you the space to. Squeezing around him only makes him fuck you deeper, both wanting and needing more of each other than you already have. You were made for him, and him you.

You whimper as he pulls out, his head tantalizing your g-spot before ramming back inside and forcing an angelic cry. “H-Hoseokie… Please, your pups. I want to have your pups”

The sounds of his hips against your skin with your moans and the subtle creak of his desk is almost humorous, you were fucking like dogs. Even more so when he pushes you flat against the wood by the front of your throat, his thumb tucked gently on an airway as your tongue flops out in simple bliss.

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it,” he snarls with a particularly evil drill to your core that curls your toes. “Nothing to me would be more satisfying than to breed you.”

Your throat constricts and you cough, your tiny hands tugging at his fingers while barely being able to pry his grip. You can’t resist moaning through clenched teeth still, even when the prettiest wine red pours into his irises. Hoseok holds back incredibly well, despite having shifting eyes, his total control never fails to astonish you. It was years worth of training and you thank the stars that it was useful in a time where you were literally stuffed with his cock.

“And you’re so willing; so obedient now. You like when I fuck you like this. Just want that beautiful pussy bred until you’re spilling, right?” he chuckles with means to humiliate when your eyes flutter and drool spills from your swollen lips, “What a mate.”

You tighten, an embarrassing amount of arousal spilling and sticking to your love. He doesn’t mind one bit, rather, losing composure for a brief moment, “Ugh, so good.”

His hand suddenly withdraws from your tender neck and you sputter an attempt to catch your breath, a fleeting moment before he wraps his arms under your knees and prompts you to hang onto him when he stands. How quickly he’s able to switch positions is hot in itself, but the thought is also lost when you sink down even further on his dick.

“Oh, oh my god,” you wail pathetically, wrapping yourself around him and trying to lift your trembling body to ease how full you feel, even for just a moment.

“Hm? I thought you wanted this, baby. Wanted my complete, unforgiving love for you. Isn’t that why you walked into my office?” he smirks similarly to how you imagine the devil would. His hands find leverage against the closest wall, also shoving you against it and resuming his pace into you.

This, to whichever persona was hiding deep down in Hoseok, was divine. Incredible. You would die for this man even without the bond. He was literally screwing you braindead.

He pants, warm and sweaty and shirt somehow unbuttoned halfway down (when did you do that?), “I thought you wanted my knot? Not anymore?”

Your pupils blow out as you shake your head, you were so close.

“Ah, then I’ll knot you. I’ll knot you but you have to beg,” he says with a wink. Bastard.

“Please, please knot me, baby. Breed me and let me have your pups,” you sob, “Fill me up until I can’t take it anymore, Alpha, please—”

He jabs incessantly until you’re entirely maxed out, sloppy smacks echoing out further than the den and his growls emanating when you drag your sharp nails down his back, the fabric tearing under your fingers. Hoseok grinds his full length into you, reaching beyond the end of your walls.

“S-Stay,” he orders. He slows as the base of his cock swells and even though you asked for it, it’s always a little uncomfortable. You can’t even fathom how it feels for your mate, his sudden groans and the absolute necessity to lave at your neck only scraping at the surface of any real indication.

Hoseok told you once that it was similar to both being overstimulated and having a sudden spike of energy, which could explain his touchiness. It was cute though, and kinda hot.

Nestled deep inside, you can subtly feel the ropes of semen beginning to pool. You rest your head over his shoulder, buzzing from the intensity of it all and watching as the walls move and shift into the ones of your bedroom.

Hoseok’s hoarse voice surprises you, “Fuck, I’m so dizzy.”

The bed is a heavenly difference from the den’s desk and wall, your heart pounding a little too hardly when he places one of his pillows lengthwise under your back for extra squish. He was so cute.

But then he collapses on you.

“Oof—I’ve never seen you like that before. My ass hurts,” you state dreamily.

“Oh, love. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” he asks seriously, lifting his head to study your face in case you lie. The red dissipated long before, his deep brown eyes twinkling down at you like they always do.

“You were a little rough,” you feign, pouting and pushing around his face with paw-folded fists. He thinks you look like an idiot, a cute idiot.

“I’m sorryyyy,” he whines, burying his face into your chest and wiggling around like a fish. His knot moves with him and you wince.

“Hoseok, stay still.”

Being showered in a sudden attack of kisses is what he responds with, not even aware of the task at hand and fake crying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I don’t ever want to hurt you—I—oh no.”

You yipe as semen sloshes down your leg, shoving your palm into Hobi’s (who is undoubtedly back to his usual self) cheek and trying your best to not panic.

“Goddammit, Jung Hoseok! Stay still!”

beep boop hope you liked, leave some feedback if you did!

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pasta-prophet · 4 years

Text

Everyone I know knows I hate Rebirth a lot. There are some good things and some bad things about it but mostly so far, it’s been pretty shit to my faves and even people I don’t like.

I’m looking at you, King. You’re the thing that’s been pretty shit. You ruined so much and for what? Shock value? The stand alones like DCeased, are worlds better than Crisis could ever hope to be you moron.

But I digress.

Anyway, Justice Leauge Dark: Apokolips War left a bittersweet taste in my mouth. It gave me so many things I love:

Damirae (fucking finally I love these two so fucking much)

Damian was HOT holy shit

Batman sorta a little bit being a good dad in the end when it mattered ig (it’s better than recent media. Still looking at you, King)

Gore. God I love the gore. I love seeing the action of it all, makes it real, makes it raw. And there was a LOT of it

Lois Lane really shining. Taking initiative and being a badass. Always has been and I’m glad it wasn’t snuffed

John Constantine is always a win in my book I love him

A lot of the characters we love died. Either on or off screen. But that’s what made it so real. They aren’t indestructible. They can die. They can be taken apart and put back together even worse. They can be changed into machines.

We finally address the part where Talia raped Bruce to conceive Damian. Like seriously. Yeah we’ve done a “haha remember when mom drugged you?” But like this was a serious deliberate “boy you were a rape baby” even if it was to hurt him. He knew. And we knew.

Now obviously there’s shit I didn’t like:

Fridging Zatanna like that... idk... yes she was part of the plan to help John save the world but idk. I miss my girl

Honestly? Raven’s little Tangled moment kinda took me out of it. Of course I was crying cause Damian died but like maybe have a better way to bring him back? Or idk not at all??? For some reason that felt cheated to me.

Bro Cy. Rip man you were a real one. My mans always gets the short end of the stick

So Trigon just accepted a world in which he couldn’t really rule over anyone because nobody was finna inhabit it but Darkseid. And the paradooms/demons. And why is he always always always the forefront of Raven’s character. Doesn’t seem legit to me. Cute daddy daughter moment in the end tho

Somehow. Some fucking how. John just feels a little bit OP. Just a little. Idk if it’s because the magic he uses isn’t explained or is easily accessible in ways we haven’t (or at least I haven’t) seen before? Or maybe it’s just that he’s so versatile in magic he doesn’t always need a set way to use it. Also I thought he didn’t have a soul anymore so what goddamn strings did Z have to pull to get his ass into heaven

I hate Flashpoint so fucking much. I hate it. Every single one. I haven’t read the comic and I’ve seen some of the movie but I just don’t fucking get why he had to go back in the first fucking place why someone please explain I HATE IT HERE. And now we’re set up for Rebirth animated movies where they still won’t animate Tim because DC hates Tim

This is really the end of an era. And I’m gonna feel so empty until the next movie. But it’s been a long time coming to get to our endgame. I just hope the rebirth movies aren’t shit and we maybe get some Batfam movies idk that’s what I care about most tbh.

But overall, 9/10 it’s a good ass movie.

#justice leauge dark #justice leauge dark: apokolips war #justice leauge dark apokolips war #dc comics #dc animated movie universe #dc au

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gilbert-blythe-ruined-my-life · 5 years

Text

Anna watches S03xE04 for the first time (warning: spoilers!)

Is Miss Stacey going through her husband’s trunk? THE FEELINGS.

She’s talking to him, uh my heart,

NO HAS RACHEL FOUND I SUITOR. I’M SCREAMING.

Rachel continues to be Emma Woodhouse 2.0

I hope we get flashbacks to Miss Stacey’s husband because he sounds perfect.

This wee crater, he’s so cute.

IT’S RACHEL’S SON. I’M YELLING.

I mean, at least Rachel wants Miss Stacey as a daughter-in-law? That’s some high praise and character development.

‘This…is my new walking stick.’ I LOVE YOU MISS STACEY.

RACHEL’S GONNA WALK WITH THEM HA.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

So Mary’s really dead, isn’t she?

She’s not coming back?

I still had a sliver of hope.

I want to cry.

Gilert and Delly >>>>>

‘Nappy nap’ I CAN’T.

I knew Anne’s dress wouldn’t ft her anymore, but it still makes me sad as it was so special.

RACHEL IF YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD I SWEAR -

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Ka’Kwet’s going to this terrible school. This is gonna be why they didn’t give us a promo.

It must have been so hard for the First Nations actors to do these scenes, it breaks my heart.

She’s giving it to Ka’kwet, the whole thing is so bittersweet. Anne, if only you knew. If only you both knew.

NO LET HER FATHER GO WITH HER.

‘The government knows best, they take children all the time’ that is so onimous yikes.

This whole thing is so haunting and terrifying.

‘Nice horse!’ CHARLIE, MY SWEET SON.

Is Moody going to play a song for Diana?

He didn’t? UGH, MISSED OPPORTUNITY.

Anna and Diana on the horse, oh my. Did Diana just call her a ‘Fibby McFibbster?’ BABIES. This has to be one of my top Anna/Diana moments ever. THEY ARE SO CUTE.

MISS STACEY REJECTED CALEB, POOR THING.

Rachel please don’t sell Anne out.

WHY RACHEL?

I know it was an accident, but still.

Now Anne and Marilla are fighting AGAIN.

Anne is such an angsty teen, I kinda love it.

YAY, WE’RE GETTING AN ANNE AND JERRY SCENE. FINALLY.

WHAT, WE’RE NOT? UGH

At least we get Anne/Matthew, this will be the last season they’re together *weeps*.

‘I’m certain now, Marilla doesn’t love me’ ANNE YOU ANGSTY TEEN. ‘It is heartless to deny me the one thing I want above all else!’ I love my dramatic bby.

‘I WILL LEAVE AN NEVER COME BACK!’ Anne, my over dramatic daughter, don’t worry Matthew like that!

Matthew’s limp :’(

‘Not your business’ YES MATTHEW, YOU TELL EMMA WOODHOUSE 2.0.

MATTHEW IS STANDING UP TO MARILLA. YES, YES, YES, YES.

‘No one deserves happiness more than our Anne’ PREACH.

YES MATTHEW.

YES KING.

Miss Stacey’s new suitor is FINE, NGL. GOOD JOB RACHEL.

‘Wouldn’t it be amazing if Anne finds her real family, Miss Cuthbert?’ JERRY, I KNOW YOU MEAN WELL, BUT NO.

JEEZ, THAT’S ONE STRONG BABY.

Anne can’t even comfort Bash because of those racist jerks.

Elijah has to be…like IDK if there is any hope for him anymore.

ANNE’S DRESSING UP SO SHE DOESN’T NEED A CHAPERONE. IS SHE GONNA WEAR HER HAIR UP?

OH NO.

THE SHOWDOWN BEGINS.

TELL HIM WHAT FOR BASH.

Did Elijah really say that?

There really is no hope, how evil can he be?

YES PUNCH HIM BASH.

I usually don’t condone violence, but that was needed.

OH MY GOODNESS, OKAY THIS IS TOO VIOLENT.

TOO VIOLENT.

MAKE IT STOP.

IS BASH OKAY??

ANNE MY BEAUTIFUL BABY, YOU LOOK LIKE SUCH A LADY.

SHE LOOKS LIKE ONE OF THE PORCELAIN DOLLS I USED TO OWN.

She’s looking through the records, of course they died, they would never have left you Anne. If only she knew how much her parents loved her. I hope she somehow finds those letters Bertha wrote.

GILBERT AND WINNIE UGH.

Okay, okay I’m done.

SO GILBERT SMILING IS FOR WINNIE, IT’S THE SAME SCENE SETTING UGH.

So he’s going to stop his apprenticeship? Poor Gilbert. Don’t worry Gilly, you’re gonna be a doctor.

EW STOP BONDING.

OKAY, OKAY, I PROMISE I’M DONE. I’M DONE. NO MORE SALTINESS.

Is Winnie gonna visit Avonlea? IS SHE GONNA GO ON THE TRAIN??

JEALOUS ANNE HERE WE COME.

She’s found them. Anne’s found them. She found the death record. My heart.

YES ANNE, MY SCOTTISH BABY.

I’m kinda Scottish too. Well, kind of, my mum’s Irish and has some Scottish in her. ANYWAY, ANNE MY SCOTTISH BBY.

Minnie May is a QUEEN on that violin.

YES DIANA, REBEL.

NO KA’KWET. THEY’VE CUT HER HAIR.

SAVE HER, ANNE.

THEY HIT HER, THEY HIT MY BABY. I’M SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW.

Her scream was so haunting. I’m so shaken rn.

So the “pRoGrEsSiVe MoThErS SoCiEtY” are racist as well. Who would have guessed??

YES MARILLA. TELL HIM, TELL HIM!!!!!!!!

DIANA IS FAKING A SPRAINED ANKLE TO STAY WITH THE BAYNARDS, YES GIRL.

If only you knew how much Anne loved you, Marilla.

FORGET FRED, PLEASE LET THIS BE DIANA’S FUTURE FAMILY.

JERRY’S EMBARRASSED, MY SHIPPER HEART.

THIS WHOLE THING IS LIKE A FANFIC.

JERRY’S FACE WHEN DIANA IS WITH HIS SISTER. HE’S SO IN LOVE

Diana is seeing what her life could be right now.

YES ANNE AND MARILLA MADE UP. MARILLA WANTS TO HELP.

Diana x Jerry fam WE ARE EATING SO GOOD. WE’RE GETTING A WHOLE FANFICTION HERE.

And….it’s over. Really Barrys?

Oh good, at least they’re not mad!

‘I love you! Good bye, Princess!’ JERRY’S LITTLE SISTER IS THE MOST ADORABLE THING.

The funeral. Elijah isn’t there.

WAIT, HE’S READING THE LETTER. She loved you so much, if only you could have seen that.

The story about little Mary, I want to cry.

YES BASH, LET IT OUT. LET IT ALL OUT.

YES ANNA AND MARILLA, MAKE UP! TELL EACH OTHER YOU LOVE EACH OTHER! HUG!!!!

THE KITE. BASH IS FLYING THE KITE WITH DELLY BY THE GRAVEYARD. MY HEART CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE!!

The residential school was beyond haunting. I knew it would be bad, but I’m still so shaken.

We didn’t get any Shirbert, but we were FED with the Diana/Jerry content.

I still can’t believe Mary’s gone, a part of me still had some hope, but now I have to fully accept it.

#awae #anne with an e #anne #awae spoilers #anne with an e spoilers #anne spoilers

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thotantics · 5 years

Note

Can you please do a jungkook breakup sex oneshot?! 💕

Whatever It Takes

⚤ pairing — reader + Jeon Jungkook

✎ word count — 6,913

✦ genre — angst, smut

✗ warnings — graphic description of sex, sad bunny jungoo, tears, oral sex, fingering idk this one’s tame but it’s sad sldkfjou

[A/N] no one: literally nobody at all:me, an idiot: u know what my masterlist needs? More Jungkook. this took Way Too Long for me to finish, and it’s TECHNICALLY not break up sex?? i guess??? but it also kinda is so. i hope this will do

He knew it was coming. The air between you had changed for the last few weeks, and he had sensed it from the moment it began. You were pulling away from him, and as much as it hurt, what else could he do but give you space?

The best he could hope for at first was that it was some outside interference that, after some time, would fade and he’d have you back the way he used to. Maybe you were stressed and needed some time alone. He was willing to give that to you, with the hope in his heart that you’d come right back to him, and things could go back to the way they used to be.

As time passed, however, Jungkook was losing more of you and the ache in his chest was worsening every time you refused to look into his eyes, every time you resisted his touch, every time you didn’t call him back, even though you had promised him you would…despite his best efforts he had come to think that whatever was going on with you, maybe it was his fault.

Maybe you never intended to call him back, and the promises to do so were to pacify him. The thought briefly pushed aside the hurt that had been building in him, and he found himself feeling angry. You weren’t supposed to lie to him. Whatever he had done wrong, he was certain he didn’t deserve to be lied to. Not after everything you had been through together.

Your relationship had started off rocky. Nobody expected you to last as long as you had, but yet you endured. Together. Only to make it to this point? Where you were lying to him about returning phone calls, lying to him about being at work or busy with your friends. Jungkook wasn’t stupid. Observant and intuitive, it didn’t take him long at all to catch on to what was really happening.

You were going to break up with him.

Part of him wanted to slink back into the safety of his bedroom, hide from the world, and sulk about this. Another part of him was defiant. If you wanted to try to dump him, maybe he wouldn’t let you. He kept trying, once he figured out what was going on, to get you alone so you could talk about it, really talk. The most he had gotten out of you so far was that you were “tired”, you were “overworked”, and that you were “fine”. More lies.

He had known all along that your relationship was going to take a lot of hard work. Being an idol had its perks, but dating definitely wasn’t one of them. He felt cut off from the rest of the world in a lot of ways, despite his public appearance. Smiley, happy, silly Jungkook was deeply troubled by the separation from his public life and his private life. He didn’t want to hide you. He didn’t want to lie about his relationship status. He never did. Maybe his fans would accept you, if they knew. Maybe they would love you as much as he did, but he was starting to think that he would never know.

When you finally agreed to let him come to your house late one evening, he was sure that this was it. The moment he had been dreading. Your posture was entirely different; not how a woman stood when she was alone in a room with her boyfriend, but how a stranger stands in front of another stranger. It made his heart sink from the very moment he stepped foot into your apartment.

“I brought you these..” Jungkook offers you a modest bouquet of colorful flowers. He used to bring you flowers every time he saw you when you first started dating, but he wasn’t sure why he ever stopped. Was it because he saw you too frequently? Maybe if he continued with this simple gesture, and overflowed your home with flowers every single time he saw you, it would make a difference somehow. Did the absence of floral arrangements really have any significance in your relationship, or was he just grasping at straws by this point?

The way you greeted him was different than the last time. Your tight hug had lingered on him for days after he saw you last, but this time you barely touched his shoulder and left a tight-lipped kiss on his cheek, and even then that only served as thanks for the flowers as you went to the kitchen and searched for a spot to put them. He trailed behind you almost mournfully.

That’s when you turned to face him and your lips parted and then shut. You wanted to say something, but you were stopping yourself. Hopefully, he met your eyes, lifting his brows as a silent encouragement to continue. Then you dropped the bomb.

“Jungkook… we need to talk.”

Something changed in that moment in him, mentally and physically. His chest swelled indignantly, and his eyes were narrowed as he studied your features. Your sorry eyes, the corners of your lips turned down, your hands wringing together nervously.

“I don’t want to talk.” He says before you can say anything else. You frown more deeply at him for a moment and open your mouth to protest, but he cuts you off, “I know what you’re going to say.” He says, “And I really don’t wanna talk right now.”

“But, Jung-”

“No.” He insists, and in two long strides he’s right in front of you, his expression dark but his touch is tender as he tucks your hair behind your ear, his hand settling comfortably on your shoulder. “Not yet. Please.”

Confused, you attempt to reason with him, “But, I… I really need to do thi-”

“No, you don’t.” He insists, and then his other arm reaches out, winding behind your lower back, pulling you against him. “Not right now. Right now… you just need to kiss me.”

He can see it in your eyes, the fact that you don’t want to disappoint him. You don’t want to hurt him. But that you’re going to, anyway. The regret, the hesitation, the fear. It’s all there, pooling in your eyes and threatening to spill down your cheeks, but he won’t let it. He leans down and kisses you, so tender that his lips feel soft as the petals of the flowers he offered you moments earlier, and his thumbs move to graze delicately under your eyes, wiping away the tears before they can fall.

“Please, baby,” He whispers, his forehead bowing down to meet your own, eyes squeezing shut as desperation and sadness makes his voice waver and his hands quiver, “We can talk later. First, I just… I need you to… just kiss me. Please.”

The silence that follows his plea is deafening, and for a few terrifying, heart-wrenching seconds, he thinks you’re going to turn him down. He opens his eyes, ready to face the inevitable, but instead of the look of harsh rejection on your features, he finds tenderness instead. Then he feels your hands on his stomach, bunching the fabric of his shirt in your fists, and he realizes something else in your eyes that he couldn’t identify at first glance; was it pity?

You kiss him before he can fully register the look on your face. His mind is reeling for the first couple of seconds; are you sorry? Are you sorry for lying to him? Or for keeping him in the dark when you were clearly struggling with something? Or are you sorry that you’re going to dump him, anyway? Are you leading him on right now? Whatever the reason for kissing him back, Jungkook pushes those thoughts aside, trying to focus on the feel of you against him for the first time in weeks.

It’s bittersweet, but he won’t let it sully the taste of you on the tip of his tongue. He cradles you against him, trying to show you with more than words how precious you are to him, how much he loves you, because he knows by the end of this kiss, you’re still going to want to talk to him. He’s hoping with every fiber of his being that he can prove something with more than mere words, at least in the short amount of time he’s got left.

Yet, the kiss lingers, and the time he clung to, afraid he only had mere seconds, extends to much, much longer. The kiss grows needier, hungrier. Jungkook’s backing you up to the kitchen counter when he feels your hands tangle in his hair, and you moan softly as he nips lightly at your jaw before he hikes you up effortlessly to sit on the countertop.

Standing between your spread thighs, he pulls back from kissing your throat to look into your eyes, hesitating. He doesn’t want to push his luck. He doesn’t want to upset you any further than he guesses that he already has. But your hands cling onto his shoulders and you shift forward a bit on the counter, connecting your lower bodies, and he moves back in to kiss you again.

Once again, thoughts of doubt, hurt, and anger creep back to the forefront of his mind, and Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut, planting his hands firmly on the counter at either side of your hips, willing himself to focus on the now. You’re kissing him back just as fervently as he is you, and the fact soothes at least a small part of him. Regardless of why you’re letting this happen, you are, and he knows from the bottom of his heart, he can’t mess this up, that he has to savor it. Because maybe it’ll be the last chance he ever has with you. To fix things, to win you over again… or maybe just the last chance he’ll have to kiss you.

So he kisses you harder. He brings his hands up, fists once clenched angrily now tender as he cups your cheeks and tilts your head back, tongue searching into the depths of your mouth. You moan against him and he strokes down the sides of your neck, one hand moving into your hair and the other going just a little lower, resting on the top of your breasts but not yet touching you there. Not yet. Maybe you wouldn’t want him to take it that far. He had to be careful.

He felt like he was walking on eggshells, even as he pulls back from your lips and kisses down your jaw. You tilt your head back, leaning your weight onto your hands resting behind your back on the counter, and Jungkook takes advantage of the exposure of your neck, sucking briefly on a spot he knows would make your toes curl. Just as he expected, latching onto that special spot, you fling one arm around his neck, hand in his hair, and hold him there with a soft whimper. He smiles against your skin, grazing that same spot with his teeth as his hips surge forward of their own accord.

He’s only about half hard in his pants, thanks to the war he was waging silently in his own head. Normally having your lips on his alone was enough to get him ready to bend you over and take you but it seemed even his body was cautious in this tender moment, unwilling to ruin it with an over eager erection.

Yet the moment his hips lurch forward, you flex your thighs around him, lifting one leg up a little higher, hooking it around his back, and Jungkook’s hand flies out to keep it there. Hand clinging just behind your knee, his hips rocket forward again to press himself against you. He can feel you moan, the vibrations from your throat tickling against his lips as he travels back up to your mouth, tongue slipping inside so he can swallow the sound as he presses forward with his hips one more time, for good measure.

“We need to stop..” You breathe suddenly against his lips, turning your head away to break the kiss and Jungkook’s heart drops.

“No,” he says, but it comes out more desperate than he intended, “We don’t, we can keep going, we-”

He’s trying to cup your face, to make you look at him, to tilt your lips back to his own but you resist, turning away from him, wiping the remnants of his kiss on the back of your hand. “I didn’t invite you over here for this, Jungkook. I need to talk to you. It’s important.”

He’s been trying so hard to keep his cool but he can feel the hurt and the anger boiling over in him and he’s unable to keep it under wraps any longer, snapping, “I know you want to break up, I’m not fucking stupid!”

The look on your face when you finally meet his eyes again makes him stop and slow his roll. Immediately he regrets his outburst, however brief. He instantly wishes he was calmer, that he could control his emotions but he couldn’t do it anymore. He’d spent the last few weeks watching you lose interest in him hopelessly, and he couldn’t idly sit back and let it happen anymore.

“I don’t know why. Honestly at this point, it doesn’t matter why, because it’s happening and there’s nothing I could do at the time to stop it.” Jungkook tells you, doing his best to not sound angry but all he managed instead was to sound pathetic. He knows he does by the way your brows knit together and your eyes mist over like you’re staring at an abused old dog at a shelter. He sniffs, trying to reign in his emotions. “But I’m not ready to talk to you about it. Not yet. Not until I do what I came here to do.”

“What did you come here to do?” You ask.

“To change your mind.” Jungkook says. “Or at least give you something else to consider. Maybe… I can prove to you I can do better. And that you don’t have to do this.” He grasps your hands, and he wants to weep in relief when you don’t pull away from him this time, your eyes focusing sadly on your joined hands, thumbs rubbing over his knuckles.

“You can’t change my mind.” You tell him after a moment, not daring to lift your eyes to his own. “This isn’t… it’s not anything you could have done better, Jungkook. You did everything perfect, you always have. It’s not about that. I… I don’t have another choice.”

“You’re wrong.” He tells you assuredly, and he steps forward again between your legs, “Just keep kissing me.” His hands, shaking, grip tentatively at your waist, “Let me hold you. I promise I can prove you wrong if you give me one last chance.”

He can tell your resolve, what little of it you had mustered to stop kissing him, was fading. Your hand smooths up his forearm, nails biting lightly into his skin and he knows as you bite your lower lip and sniffle to stop your tears that this is definitely the last chance he’s going to have.

Mustering up the last of his courage, he angles his head down, forcing you to meet his eyes, then he presses forward and kisses the corner of your mouth. “Please.” He murmurs when he pulls back just a breath away from you, “We can talk later. Just let me show you now that I love you, and you love me. Just one last time. This is all I’ve got.”

“Jungkook..” You protest but he gives you the saddest puppy eyes he can manage, his lower lip puckering, and he sees you crack when you look away, hiding a smile through the tears threatening to fall. He smiles back briefly, but the moment is fleeting when you look back up at his face. You look defeated. Which isn’t what he wanted… not at all.

He hoped he could make you smile, make you roll your eyes at him in that fond sort of way you always had. Heart splintering in his chest, he scans your face, but you sit there looking back at him expressionless before you finally tell him, “Do whatever it is you came here to do.”

“Love you.” He says, “I just, I-I came here to love you.”

“Go ahead.” You tell him quietly, but nothing about this feels as victorious as when he sat you up on this counter, or when he sank inside of you for the first time, or kissed your lips for the first time. It feels tainted. Spoiled.

For a long moment, Jungkook considers giving up. It feels more hopeless now than it has since you started pulling away from him. But he’s never been one to sit down and admit defeat. He can’t start now. Puffing up his chest with a lung full of air, Jungkook plants his hands on the counter at either side of your hips, and he bows his forehead to your own.

“Do you remember what it used to be like?” He asks quietly, his nose bumping into your own whenever you shut your eyes and nod sadly in response. “I used to think nothing could stop us. The whole world could crash down around us and I thought we’d be standing there at the end of it all, together.”

He reaches up and wipes the tears trailing down your cheeks before he crashes you against his chest in a bone crushing embrace. He feels hopelessly lost, unsure what to do, how to feel, how to stop this from happening. It’s more inevitable now than ever that he can’t win, but he knows he can’t give up on you this easily. He can’t talk about your love in the past tense, like it doesn’t still consume him entirely.

The thought of not doing enough now to keep you with him, that he could lose you if he fails in this moment, makes him bold enough to cup your face and whisper for you to open your eyes to look at him. When you do, he kisses you through the tears flowing freely down your face, leaving wet trails across his hands. He kisses you and pours all the emotions he’s been bottling up and keeping from you, from the rest of the world around him, into the kiss.

From the very start of it all, he’s been guarded and kept his emotions in check. For your sake. For the sake of his career. Whatever the excuse, he’s never given you enough, it’s clear to him now as he gives over everything into this one kiss.

It’s terrifying, and he trembles as you respond, slowly but surely, to his mouth moving gently against your own. He deepens the kiss, sweeping his tongue into your mouth as your hands feebly clutch at the material of his shirt on his chest. Somehow it’s like you’ve never done this before, like he hadn’t spent hours buried deeply inside of you, like he hadn’t looked into your eyes and told you he loved you over and over again while you trembled around him. Jungkook pulls you tightly against him and tries to remind himself of nothing more than what was at stake. Despite his fears and the hurt he felt, he had to focus on what was most important.

You.

With renewed determination, uncaring if his hands were shaking, Jungkook tucked your legs around his waist and carried you, mouths still attached, fumbling along the way until he had you laid out on the bed. You kept yourself opened up for him, legs spread to make room for his body to slot on top of your own, your hands welcomed him with a warmth that he missed so deeply that he wanted to fall into your embrace and weep, but he stayed strong.

Balancing himself on his elbows, he kissed a path down your neck only to hear the sobs wrecking through your body once he was away from your mouth. He had felt your tears, flowing continually, throughout your kisses. But he didn’t stop. He couldn’t give up.

“This isn’t your fault… you’ve always been so good, baby. So, so good.” You sobbed at him, hands clinging to his hair as he pushed up your shirt, kissing now along your ribs. “I’ll always, always love you, Jungkook.”

He doesn’t respond, emotions swirling in his head but he focuses on the taste of your skin, the goosebumps that spread on your hips underneath his hands, the ragged way you draw in a gasp when he nips gently at your hip.

He doesn’t pull far away from you as he undresses the two of you, but he’s thrilled each time when you respond to him. When you reach down and help him yank off his shirt, and when you willingly lift your hips so he can slide your pants down past your thighs. When you reach for him to come back nearer, when your tongue brushes along the length of his own, pressing back into his mouth.

His mouth moves hot on your inner thigh and he’s feeling drunk on you like always. Your scent, and the glistening wetness pooling between your lower lips is ever as inviting as it always had been, and he doesn’t bother resisting for long. A glance up at your eyes only encourages him. You look down at him with need, and he doesn’t care, not even for a second, in what sort of way you need him, as long as you still do.

Jungkook would be whatever you wanted, until his dying day. He had hoped someday you would want a husband, and maybe you would see him as a good candidate for that, but if, right now, all you needed was someone to give you some sexual relief, that was ok, too. He could do that.

A heated kisses right at the cleft of your lower lips makes you gasp and your thighs jerk. He locks eyes with you again as he pulls back, thumbs parting the petals of your sex delicately before he goes back in, this time with his tongue. Jungkook’s always been good to you like this. Wherever he messed up along the way to bring the two of you here, it definitely wasn’t your sex life.

His tongue, skilled and eager, lapped at your center like he was starving for the taste of your arousal, and for the next ten minutes or so, he feels like he had been. Deprived of you like this as you pulled away from him, he’s definitely never wanted to eat you more than in that exact moment.

You keep yourself splayed open for him, jerking and gasping under his mouth, one hand on your breast and the other in his hair. Neither of you can think beyond what’s happening right now. He groans against your slick flesh when he presses one finger inside of you and he feels you clench. He sits up on his knees and pushes your legs open even farther, and pushes and back, opening you up more to his hungry mouth. He’s devouring you and pressing two fingers back inside of you this time when he feels you start to cum, and he pulls away entirely, letting your legs fall back to the mattress as you groan.

Panting, he climbs up your body and captures your lips, and groans into your mouth when you eagerly kiss the taste of your slick from his lips and tongue as he lines himself up at your entrance. Gently coating his dick in your wetness, he rubs himself across your hole, clenching around nothing at the feel of him, and over your throbbing clit just to tease you all the more. You were on the brink of an orgasm and he knew it, but he needed to feel it on his cock.

Finally pressing inside of you, he relishes in the gasp and the subsequent throaty moan that follows after he fills you. You stretch so perfectly around him and he buries his face in the nape of your neck, breathing heavy against your skin as his hips begin to rock against yours.

“Was this your plan?” You pant into his ear, your nails scorching down his back as he fucks into you at a quicker, needier pace. “You’re just going to fuck me and change my mind?”

Jungkook pulls back to look down at you, taking note of your flushed cheeks, the sweat clinging your hair to your brow, your heaving chest, and he smiles, snapping his hips harder, pummeling into you deeper. “Actually,” He says, “It kind of was.”

Gripping behind your knees, you hold your legs up long enough for him to sit up on his knees and grab them for you, and you ask him breathlessly, “Is sex all our relationship was about?”

“You know the answer to that,” He snaps, brow furrowed as he keeps rutting into you, the sound of skin on skin reverberating around the room, your bed frame squeaking in protest at this new angle. “Don’t fucking act like you don’t know what this means to me.”

“I know…” You admit with a sigh, hands smoothing over your breasts and his eyes lock onto the way you play with your nipples delicately, “That’s why I don’t have a choice, Jungkook. This has to happen. We can’t keep doing this.”

“Why not?” He grunts, “You seem to like it right now..”

“Fuck, yes. I love what you do to me..” You’re writhing under him, eyes squeezing shut and brows knitting together in concentration, “But I can’t let you do this. I can’t let us continue on like this when I know-” You stop mid sentence with a harsh gasp as his fingers find your clit, rubbing in hurried circles around the bundle of nerves.

“When you know what?” He asks, eyes locked on your expression.

Your eyes flutter open and you start to speak, to tell him the truth, the reason for all of this, but you’re interrupted by a powerful orgasm before you can even begin to let any words out. Mouth opening and shutting repeatedly, eyes locked on his dark chocolate eyes from above you, you finally let out a strangled cry of his name, a desperate sound that Jungkook is all too familiar with.

He fucks into you harder, snapping his hips into your own and folding your body practically in half so he can reach as deep as humanly possible. He puts your legs up, feet resting on his shoulders, and smiles as you come unglued under him.

But Jungkook isn’t anywhere near finished with you. He fucks you slow and deep through your orgasm, and the moment you stop gasping and writhing under him, he presses you to keep talking. He didn’t expect this conversation to happen now, like this, but he had to admit it felt easier to deal with when he was balls deep inside of you.

“What do you know?” He asks you, lowering his upper body so he’s flush against you once more, his lips finding that special spot on your neck that makes you shiver all over again with the after effects of your orgasm.

“I know you…” You pant, speaking slow to try and catch your breath, “I know you’d throw away everything for us…for me.“

He pulls back from kissing your throat to look into your eyes. He’s still rock hard and buried inside of you, your insides quivering around him as he tells you, “I would, in a heartbeat. I’d do anything for you. I’d die for you, baby.”

This brings your tears back anew immediately, as you shake your head in protest, “I can’t, Jungkook…I can’t let you do that. I can’t. I can’t.”

“What?” He asks desperately, hopelessly lost and unsure what he could do. You’re weeping openly underneath him and he’s never gone soft faster in his life. He pulls out of you, but keeps you cradled in his arms, trying to hug you to his chest. “Talk to me, baby, please. Tell me what I can do. I’ll do anything, anything at all, just tell me.”

“You can leave.” You sniffle, “You can leave and forget all about me. All about us. It’s over, Jungkook. I can’t watch you lose everything just because of me.”

He’s baffled as you pull away from him, and he’s left sitting naked at the foot of your bed, his cock wet with your cum. Part of him feels utterly defeated. Despite his best efforts, you already said the one thing that he had been hoping to avoid all this time; you ended it, moments after he made you cum, and now you’re sitting with your back to him, both of you still naked, awkwardly pointing out of your bedroom door and towards the front room, gesturing for him to leave.

He can’t even muster up the words to explain why he’s confused. It’s all coming from out of nowhere, even after all the time he spent worrying himself to death knowing that this was coming, even after showing up at your door knowing that he might be leaving without you, he’s still blind sided and on the verge of breaking down completely as he glances around the room, mostly to avoid you seeing the tears falling down his face, but also to locate his clothes.

“I just need you to leave, now.” You tell him when he stands, sniffling, to pick up his boxers and pants off of the floor.

Jungkook starts to dress slowly, desperately trying to think of what to say, what to do that could possibly make a difference now, but you won’t look at him when he does work up the courage to face you again. He doesn’t try to stop himself from crying because there’s no use. The tears are flowing endlessly and his chest aches so much he wonders if the hole in his heart will ever fill if he actually has to walk out of your apartment right now.

But he can’t walk out. There’s too much to talk about, and he’s not willing to let you cut this talk so short, not after he made you put it off. After all, talking had been your big idea, and he needed to hear the real reason why this was happening, if he was going to leave here a single man.

“I just told you I’d die for you… and you broke up with me immediately after? Please,” He faces you with the last of his bravery, not trying to hide the endless flow of tears streaming down his face as he takes your hands, or the way with each breath that he shudders and gasps through throat shredding sobs, “Please just tell me why. I deserve that at the least, don’t I? After everything we’ve been through?”

You steel yourself, squaring your shoulders, crossing your arms defensively, “Because I’m not strong enough to keep living like this.” You tell him, “I knew when we got together that it was going to be hard. I knew I’d spend a lot of my time missing you while you were away, but I’m so proud of you, Jungkook. I thought that pride would overshadow any of the negatives.” You add quickly, “None of which were brought on by you, but really just…outside things that we can’t control.”

“Like what?” He encourages you, because already there’s the smallest, glimmering bit of hope. If what you’re going to say is what he thinks, then maybe he still has a chance. Maybe he can put you at ease.

“The hiding.” You say with a sigh, “The rumors. Anytime you’re linked with some celebrity, I’m reminded that I’m a nobody, and definitely not good enough for someone like you.” Before he can comment on that, however, you continue, “You can argue that if you want but the fact still remains.”

You take a deep breath and tell him, voice full of remorse, “It’s not just that stuff. It’s that I used to be tougher. I used to be able to deal with all of this, with anything. Like you said, I thought we could take on the world and be standing together at the end of it. I didn’t think I’d get this weak. This pathetically jealous of whoever else gets your time when I can’t, whether it’s the guys or your manager or whoever… it’s just never me. And the guilt that I feel, because I’m not coping with this well enough anymore, when I know you deserve someone strong and I can’t do it.”

“Then let me-” He reaches for you, but you recoil angrily, pulling yourself out of his reach.

“I can’t let you fix this!” You shout at him, and Jungkook recoils at the outburst, “You’ll just tell me to wait for you, and even if I could, you’ll quit when you’re ready and I can’t…I can’t be the reason you don’t live out your dreams. I can’t spend the rest of my life with you knowing that I was selfish enough to let you leave it all behind. But I also can’t keep waiting for you. I can’t keep missing you and watching you live without me, I don’t want to wait until you finally give it all up just for me to feel guilt for the rest of our lives together. That isn’t fair.” You shake your head at him, “I’ve thought about it for so long, Jungkook. This is the only way. I just need to end it now and be out of each other’s lives… so we can heal.”

“But… we love each other.” Jungkook protests weakly.

You sniffle, fighting back tears again as you tell him, “You’ll find someone stronger than me, someone that will love you just as much as I do. That’s what you really deserve.”

“I don’t want someone else.” He tells you feebly, “I want you.”

You shake your head, but you don’t stop him when he approaches you cautiously, hair and face a mess, in only his boxers with his shirt half buttoned, and crookedly at that. You don’t stop him when he takes your hands in his own.

“We love each other.” Jungkook says again, much more firmly this time. “You said so yourself, you said you’d always love me.” He reminds you, “And I’ll stop loving you when my heart stops beating, I’m sure of that, more than anything else in my life.” He steps closer, until your back hits the wall by the bedroom door and he leans down so he can look into your eyes, even though you’re avoiding his. “When people love each other…they fight for that.” Jungkook tells you. “If we love each other, we’ll keep fighting, no matter what obstacles stand in our way. And we’ll win every battle, because we have each other.”

He’s breaking you again, he can feel sobs shaking in your body before he hears or sees the evidence of them and then he crashes you against him so you can weep openly onto his half buttoned shirt, muffling your sobs against his shoulder as he continues, “That’s all I want. I don’t want to find someone else to love me, I want to fight with you, right now, for our love, because nothing means more to me than this.” His voice breaks when he adds, “If you don’t want to fight for us anymore, that’s different. But I’m here…and I want to work this out.”

“There’s nothing to work out.” You sob, “I’m a weak, selfish person and I’m not strong enough to do this, Jungkook. I’m sorry I’m letting you down…I’m so, so sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry.” He bows his head onto your shoulder, crying quietly and soaking your shirt same as you were the front of his, “And you don’t have to be strong all the time. If you’re feeling weak, I’ll be strong for both of us. I’m willing to do that.”

“And then what? What can we possibly do?” You ask, pulling away and looking up at his face.

“Whatever it takes.” He furiously wipes at his eyes so he can try and see you through the blur of his tears. Hope is spreading within him again, but he doesn’t dare dwell on it in case he’s wrong, “I’m sure there’s another way out of this other than breaking up…we can figure it out together, I’m sure of that. We don’t have to throw this away. Every relationship takes work, doesn’t it? Every relationship gets hard at times to maintain. How does anybody manage to spend the rest of their lives with the person they love?”

You bite your lip, uncertainty written all over your face as Jungkook continues, his voice cracking in desperation, “I… I’m standing here begging you to give me the chance, because anything you can think of between now and the day I die, that causes you worry or hardships, I want to be the shoulder you cry on. I want to be your rock. I want to fight for you. I want us to figure this out together.”

You gulp past a lump in your throat, and your fingers clench the front of his shirt at his stomach, hesitating for a long while before you look back up into his hopeful eyes and ask in a small voice, “I didn’t ruin it already?”

Jungkook crashes you to him, kissing the side of your head and tucking one arm around your neck to hold you close to his heart thundering out of his chest, “No, baby, of course not. If you ever feel weak, please tell me. I want to fix it.”

“I just feel so hopeless sometimes.” You tell him sadly. “I’m so sorry, Jungkook.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s scary to feel that way and I’m sorry you were dealing with it alone. I should have noticed, I should have asked the right questions, I… there’s no point dwelling on it, ok?” He pulls back and cups your face, holding you still so he can press a kiss to your forehead. “We both could’ve handled this better but it doesn’t matter because we’re here, now, and we can do better moving forward. Are you willing to do that with me?” You nod your head and he shuts his eyes and murmurs, “I need to hear it, baby.”

“Yes.” You say, “I-I’m willing to try to do better, and move forward.” You’re hesitating, not saying something more and he can feel it, so he waits and encourages you silently, running his hands up and down your arms soothingly until you tell him, lip trembling, “I am sorry, though. Don’t tell me not to be because I pushed you away. I was willing to let you walk out of here and let my heart break but I-I was only doing it out of fear. And guilt. I convinced myself that it was the right thing for you. And I’m so sorry I hurt you..”

He hugs you again, cradling you this time and swaying gently on his feet as you cry, clinging to his shirt and repeating that you were sorry. Jungkook strokes your hair and shushes you gently, lifting you like a bride in his arms and walking back until he can sit comfortably on the edge of your bed. He holds you across his lap for a while and lets you cry and apologize, and he doesn’t dare interrupt. All the agony you’d both been feeling over the last few weeks was finally starting to feel like it was over, and he knew it was important for you to let these feelings out instead of keeping them bottled up. So he just holds you and lets you get it all out.

Afterwards, when you quieted and stilled, he laid back with you sprawled out on top of him, your legs tangled together, your head resting on his chest and your arm tucked around his waist. He made countless promises to you in that moment, promises of love and devotion, promises of enduring the hard times and sharing many, many more good times.

As he speaks to you gently, you pepper kisses along his chest and scoot slowly down his body. It wasn’t lost on you that he had given you something earlier and you didn’t repay him. Feeling the need to be closer, you tug down his boxers and free his cock, half hard and waiting for you, and spent your time slowly worshiping it the way he deserved. You love him with your mouth and your heart beating fast in your chest, licking and sucking at his length while his hands tangle in your hair and he gasps your name repeatedly. When he came, you locked eyes with him, watching his expression contort before he threw his head back and finished on your tongue.

You swallow the bitter taste and he pulls you up his body, sitting you down on his lap and spearing you with his still hard length. “I’m never going to let you go, baby,” He sighs, pulling you down to meet his lips, “I love you so much.”

#Anonymous #jungkook smut #bts smut #mine #jungkook angst #bts angst #@ whoever requested this turn on ur location lets fucking duke it out in the parking lot of my local target bitch i will FUCK U UP

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