#this is to say “shame isnt the solution”

[psycho-positive]

In a lot of circles, substance abuse is seen as shameful. That the people who go through it are bad people, dirty, poor, evil.

But substance abuse isn't any of those things. It's a mental illness.

When you say you support people with mental illness, when you say you care, when you say you're an advocate....

Don't you dare exclude substance abuse.

People need love and care and help regardless of what they're struggling with.

[v-arbellanaris]

tbd later but i keep seeing people just try to go on and on abt how ppl are morally reprehensible or whatever for Not Liking f characters and i just wanna say there's definitely. ABSOLUTELY. some people in fandom that need to fuckign check their misogyny. there absolutely is and ive been talking abt it on various different blogs and things like that since '09.

but.... idk is that constructive? or helpful? to attach morality to the gender of the characters that you like? idk! this shit fucked me up bc i would like... deny that i liked m characters. like i used 2 feel soooo guilty for liking m characters???? for YEARS??? and i rly felt it was my moral obligation to Like f characters and it was SO forced... and the truth is that a lot of the time ppl write f characters with v little depth and v little intrigue bc they dont want to make Statements abt women overall bc every f character written is somehow supposed to Represent multiple someones and even when theyre """"problematic"""" or """villainous""" or whatever its in a way thats designed more for them to be unlikeable instead of morally complex or morally compelling. ppl who write m characters usually dont bother to think abt the Optics (esp when theyre white m characters) and so all of the lovely complexities come through and its clear from the story n narrative that its unrelated to their identity, or if it is related to their identity, its because of how they relate to it (rather than the relation between identity and action being that being x means you do y or that BECAUSE you're x you do y). in all honesty there's v few f canon characters that have that kind of complexity (part of the reason im always writing my own - ive been writing ofc x canon character fics for actual decades, long before i joined this fandom) and the v few f characters that do have tht complexity are probably side characters or characters not directly relevant to the plotline. and bc theyre so preoccupied w writing these characters as like... a stand-in for Minorities or whatever, they're so careful to strip any potential conflict or moral ambiguity from them in a way that leaves me feeling not v compelled to care - compared to, lets say, m villains who almost always still have that shred of humanity left to compel me to care so much about them bc i can see myself in them, f villains usually dont get that. there's exceptions to this - i can think of a lot of comics characters for e.g. - and i love those exceptions, but they're exceptions.

and idk i feel like we should also acknowledge that like... ignoring that these f characters are badly written or lack compelling (notice i specify COMPELLING here like its not rly enough for them to have a husband or a kid or whatever that's not compelling???) humanising moments because ppl treat f characters like they're supposed to Represent All Womens and 2. this makes them less compelling than m characters like 80% of the time and 3. that these critiques should be anchored in "FUCKING DO BETTER". what could we change abt how we write and engage with f characters? talk about that as much as the critiques or whatever that we have for f characters in the first place bc people are much more willing to give up on trying to write f characters if theyre told "this was shit" vs "this could use with some improvement - what abt this? or that?"

like idk i think there's a more productive way we could be talking abt this

[zvaigzdelasas]

Okay, i wont vote biden. If trump wins we get illegal trans care in multiple states, stricter border patrol thats only gonna get worse, probably a pipeline to fix gas prices, more bans in florida, more police funding, still no financial aid, more covid denial, more republican jurisdiction actions, AND israel will still be funded to bomb palestine. What do we do. No solution has been provided people just keep saying dont vote and dont think about your future.

anon you really need to stop being so self-absorbed. literally nobody cares that you're voting for biden, in fact most probably assume just by your mannerisms & political disposition. Nobody on the post is telling you not to vote, you're not important or novel enough that your actions take up any mental space whatsoever.

All that's being asked is to not have an aneurysm when people say they're not voting for biden & to stop acting like normal people's decisions on voting is based off of who's most belligerent to them online, instead of their degree of subjectively-experienced engagement with the candidate's promises/track record & whether they believe the candidate will materially improve their lives. Most people dont vote because they don't feel the political process materially benefits them. The only way that will ever change is if the political process materially benefits them. Until then you're yelling at a brick wall.

Anyway

said the same thing in the comments of that post. I've provided this solution time and time again. This isnt even that radical of a solution nor is it something vague and indeterminate 'burn down the system!!!1!!'. Today unionization is in a massive upswing, meaning this is actually much easier to do with much more tangible outcomes than any time in the last like. 40 years. Concrete steps can be taken, today.

Or you could just continue trying to shame and berate the brick wall. your choice idgaf, just go whine somewhere else that's not my inbox

[redrum-alice]

Some HCs about the FreaKey couple even though I dont play the game...please dont kill me for this lolololol...

A.B.A gets jealous of other couples (she stalked them in public spaces from afar) who are more lovey dovey than her and Paracelsus. So to "spice" things up, she reads dating and romance tips on a (stolen) teen magazine that suggests those shoddy dating ideas and boasting to others that they're the end game (Paracelsus and others feels awkward as she says this).

After their arcade mode story, Paracelsus begins to feel guilt about having to manipulate A.B.A to wield him as a blood thirsty weapon. He knew A.B.A doesn't have hate in her heart, and saw how loving she actually is without her possessive traits. One example is when she polishes his brass parts after battle. She also tries to prop him in a comfortable position when at rest because she feels bad that he isnt mobile like she is.

Paracelsus admits, although not in a romantic way (sadly), that A.B.A is beautiful in her own way despite the uncanny nature of her origin. He says this in the most vague and bleakest way possible, yet A.B.A hyperventilated when she hears this.

Because of Paracelsus' statement on her beauty, she doesn't mind not fitting in with humans because his encouragement is all what she needed.

Let's say that A.B.A is considered attractive in their universe, minus the eye bags and the unkempt look- if someone ever compliments her in the slightest (grim extent is someone cat calls her) by a stranger, she would feel like she betrayed her husband for catching someone's eye. Mixture of frustration, shame, timidness, and anger would flow into her that she ultimately resorts to violence as a solution to the incomprehensible feeling. Paracelsus on the other hand would probs feel disgusted at the stranger's rude behavior, justifying his wife's violent outburst (ah yes, toxicity)

If another girl/woman compliments her though, she would be confused and scared as to why they would do such and not go after her husband. Because of her timid nature, she isn't used to hear positive things from others up until Elphelt (lol)

A.B.A's favorite color is blue, probs because she read somewhere or thought it's the calmest color. Blue in nature (partaining to animals) is usually rare, so it could also signify that she's drawn to things that are unique. (Or I could be wrong. I'm probably am--)

Speaking of the color blue, A.B.A attempted to dye her hair blue, but because of her vivacious red hair before, it resulted into greenish color (I know some fans theorize that her hair oxidized bc of her unusual body composition, but I wanna lean on the fact that she tries to fit in the outside world).

Paracelsus inspired her into liking color blue when he was talking about his past travels (at the risk of making A.B.A envy his previou's wielders ofc)

A.B.A was born with impeccable knowledge, thus explains why she speaks in such an authoritative manner. However since she lived in isolation for the first 10 years of her life, she does not know how humans speak in modern day. Paracelsus told her stories and spoke about philosophies only demons have access to.

Regarding small humans (as A.B.A likes to call the children), she wondered what it was like to grow up from a helpless being to a capable one, often lamenting that she hadn't had a literal childhood like a normal being. To cheer her up, Paracelsus suggested that their next date is at the park where there are swings and see-saws. Up to you how that's gonna work out lol

P.S., pls be gentle with me, Im new to the fandom and ship--

[tzuyuscloud]

This isnt my usual post but im just gonna rant. I dont want no kind of negativity in my inbox or comments because I will not be tolerating it whatsoever.

I know we have all heard of or seen clips of the LSFM documentary.

1. I am actually so sick of people, might I add people who have no singing experience, job that has anything to do with singing or kind of teaching background or education in singing, not even criticizing BUT bullying Sakura over her vocals. We clearly know she’s been and idol for 13 years, stop bringing it up. She obviously won’t improve when people are basically calling her worthless 24/7 whenever she breathes. Hell I was an advanced choir kid since 6th grade and I still had a shaky voice and voice cracks when I would lose confidence. What she needs first is not vocal lessons but fucking therapy. Because everyone wants to be a critic, when their “critiques” aren’t even valid no real solutions of getting better.

Like yall rmbr when Momo had no confidence to sing bc yall thought the best solution was to talk shit. But now shes getting better because SHES GAINING CONFIDENCE. How do you expect one to get better at something when they constantly have two devils on both shoulders saying that they suck and need to quit.

2. Saying that the girls are “faking” or “great acresses” throughout the documentary shows how fucking sick you are and I hope you are aware that hell is insanely hot. Chaewon literally broke down because she doesn’t know why shes doing what shes doing for anymore, she doesn’t know how to be happy, had a fucking IV in her arm before filming Unforgiven, was sick but still decided to film because everyone likes to hold idols but not just idols WOMEN to high ass fucking standards but let it be (no shade at all) a man and all hell breaks loose.

This clearly shows the double standards the industry, companies, AND so called “fans” have towards female idols and male idols. A male idol can have a voice crack, bad vocals, and its seen as a bad vocal day. But let it be a female idol and suddenly she needs to quit or even worse k word herself. Have we not seen what happens in the industry when your so called “criticism” hurts idols. Have we not seen the lose of many idols who still deserves to be here on earth today. Seeing how Sakura, Chaewon, Yunjin, Kazuha and Eunchae have gone from smiling 24/7 to faking a smile. You can clearly see the hurt and tiredness in their eyes and its absolutely painful to look at. Have some fuckimg human decency and stop acting entitled to idols’ lives and their careers when all you are doing is sitting behind a screen.

3. This goes for every female idol ever compared to male idols. I don’t want anyone saying “oh well so n so from *insert bg*” no. The double standards are clearly there and let me give an example.

I AM A BLACK WOMAN. (Before anyone wants to comment)

Giselle says the n-word. Ppl hold her accountable, gives her death threats, drags it on to this very day.

Soul says the n-word. Ppl go “oh we all know Keeho scolded him after that” then everyone forgets about it.

You can clearly see the double standards. Women are expected to be 100x better from the day they start training compared to male idols who could make a mistake at a concert and not get their entire bloodline cursed and shamed for breathing.

I already know this is one thing about the industry that will never change, no matter how many lives are taken or at stake. No matter how many idols get insanely sick mentally and physically, its proven that yall only view them as objects of your happiness and once they get older (more so female idols) or mess up, you just throw them aside and look for another.

Lets be real, the reason why half of these idols are sick and unconfident isn’t just because of the companies and industry but because of yall fans as well. And imma say this. IF THE SHOE FITS THEN WEAR IT. IF IT DOESN’T PERTAIN TO YOU, THEN DO NOT GET OFFENDED. 🗣️

[depravitycentral]

i just read the profiles for phinks n nobunaga and i have to say theres no way darling isnt preggo or anything

(HEAVY on nobu,this man wont 100% even get birth control ,phinks may get it if asked but 🤰)

Tw: mentions of abortion, forced contraceptives, non-con, kids/parenting, mentions of children being raised in unhealthy environments, the usual really

Ooh, I hadn't thought about this!!

You're absolutely right - with the sheer frequency they fuck you and the volume of cum they give you, you're gambling with fate. You'll eventually fall pregnant, this is true - except I actually think more Phantom Troupe yanderes would force birth control on you than you'd expect.

Of course, not condoms. But pills maybe, or even an IUD.

Most of them genuinely don't want kids - of course, they love you and crave domesticity with you, but they're not exactly keen on having a few brats running around, all sticky and gross and hogging all your attention. They like the situation you've got going now - you're theirs, all your attention, time and love going directly to them, and why ruin a good thing?

Plus, the lifestyle they've forced onto you isn't exactly conducive to a healthy, safe atmosphere for a child. The constant stress, stagnation of being in one room or home constantly. (And in Chrollo's case, the constant moving from one hotel room to the other, never staying in one place too long.) And while they all have mixed feelings about their own childhoods in Meteor City, most of them aren't eager to give a child another traumatic youth, like their own.

It just doesn't make sense to get you pregnant - but of course, certain members are more cognizant of this fact than others.

Let's discuss!

Chrollo, of course, doesn't want children. He's never been particularly fond of kids in general, and his possessive tendencies run so deeply that he can't stomach the thought of you having another outlet to channel that attention and love. It's his, he's worked hard to cultivate your feelings for him, and he'll bask in the glory, feeling your eyes on him and hearing your voice speaking to him only. It's part of the way he slowly breaks you down, too - making sure you're utterly alone, no human contact outside of him, all to make sure that you grow dependent on him, needing him, if only just to stay sane. A kid would fuck all that up - besides, he can't stand crying children.

His solution is and IUD, deciding that it's worth it to have long-term precautions against you falling pregnant. The procedure is quick, and although it hurts, he likes that he can fuck you freely now - he can come inside you as often as he wants, as deeply as he wants, and it probably won't take. (Besides, there's something oddly intimate about standing over you while the doctor inserts it inside you - Chrollo's staring with wide eyes, amazed at the way you stretch to accommodate the size of the appliance, all while making absolutely sure the doctor isn't letting his gaze linger on your pussy for too long - it would be a real shame if he were to get too familiar with something that is rightfully Chrollo's.)

Feitan is kind of paranoid that you'll get pregnant. He absolutely does not want any snotty nosed, sticky, loud, irritating little things running around, getting into things they shouldn't or stumbling upon his torture tools. He's always hated kids, and even though there is something appealing about the idea of claiming you and filling you with his seed, it's all in theory and not in practice.

He so vehemently doesn't want kids that he's even doubling up on the birth control methods - he'll force you into an IUD, and even make you get those estrogen injections every three months. (Is it safe to be using both methods simultaneously? Probably not, but it's been working so far, and you don't seem too affected by the influx of hormones.) He's not taking any chances, and on the off chance that you somehow end up pregnant, Feitan will quickly and swiftly do whatever he has to to terminate the pregnancy. However, as diligent as he is, there is one category that he's a bit lax - he won't wear condoms, even if you beg him to. He doesn't like that he can't feel you when he's got them on, a layer separating the most intimate part of him with the most intimate part of you. He'll always tell you to shut up, not really giving you an explanation as to why he refuses, but it really just has to do with making sure that he gets to feel all the warmth, wetness and texture of your walls - and, so that you can feel every drop of hot, runny cum he fills you up with.

Nobunaga actually doesn't even consider the fact that you could get pregnant. It's not a facet of his delusions regarding you, but simply something he just forgets about - he sees your future together so clearly, imagining you staying his cute little thing for the rest of your lives, and a child doesn't fit into that picture, so why should he bother thinking about it? He doesn't want any kids, if only because the dynamic he's established makes you feel coddled and like a child yourself sometimes, and Nobunaga doesn't want your attention to be on anything but himself.

But of course, with how often he fucks you (and the fact that he'll never wear a condom and he'll always come inside), it's only a matter of time before a scare occurs. It's only a matter of time before you wake up one morning sick, terrified that it might be a sign that the cum he'd fucked you full of a few nights ago had been particularly fertile. You'll have to beg him for the pregnancy test, but he'll get it for you, standing by your side the whole time you're taking it. (He might even hold the stick for you as you pee - just to make sure you do it right, you know.) By some stroke of luck, it'll come out negative, but the scare is enough to have Nobunaga briefly snapping back into a bit of reality and deciding he needs to make sure this doesn't happen again. He, like Chrollo, decides that an IUD is the best solution, if only because once it's inserted, neither of you will have to worry about it, and it won't intrude on his habits of fucking you raw every night. It's a perfect solution - he can't have a kid ruining the wonderful relationship the two of you have, and he's sure you agree.

Shalnark, in his heart of hearts, does not want a child. He has enough lucidity about his job (and about the way he feels for you) to know that he would not be a good dad. Maybe a good uncle, but surely not a fatherly figure - besides, having a kid around would mean having you constantly paying attention to something besides him, because god knows children need attention. And the idea of that leaves a sour taste in his mouth, a small pang of panic rushing through him because he cannot lose the way you look at him, the way you always perk up when you see him, the way he's finally gotten you to a point where you willingly kiss him and hug him. A child would ruin all his carefully crafted work, and irritate the hell out of him. Besides, he doesn't think he could ever truly love the kid - all the fondness and attachment he's capable of are already being fully utilized on you and the members of the Troupe, so the kid wouldn't exactly be cherished as they should be.

Shalnark prefers pills as his method of choice, but he's willing to be flexible and go with whatever method you want. (Again, aside from condoms.) He's just considerate like that, and maybe if you get to choose the method you'll be more inclined to be consistent with it and let it actually work. But if you do somehow end up pregnant, Shalnark would weigh the possibility of forcing you to end the pregnancy, or deciding that maybe this could be a good thing. The kid would be a good bargaining chip, useful in making sure you stay in line. Any threat against the child would probably work, convincing you to do basically anything he wants. It's an enticing idea, and one that almost, almost convinces him, but in the end he'll probably have the shot ready, giving you that familiar smile and telling that this won't hurt too bad, I hope! Really, it's a good thing the pregnancy isn't brought to full term - for both your sake and the child's.

However, there are a few members that would actually be somewhat okay with having a child with you - they're not dying to have one, but if you get pregnant, they'll just shrug and let it come to term, not taking any action to stop it.

Uvogin, for example, doesn't think he'd be too great of a father, but as long as you stay with him and you don't give all your attention to the little brat, he could get behind raising a kid with you. There's something kind of endearing about the thought - he'd be the kind of dad that would absolutely aid his kid in pulling little pranks on you, like spilling flour when you're baking or giving him access to finger paints right next to the clean, white tabletop. He's not a bad dad, per se, but your child will know how to incapacitate a grown man by the time they're three, so their childhood will be anything but normal. He's a fairly easy going as a yandere as long as you stay put in the house he's set you up in and you act loving and sweet, and he'll actually grow to love the child as well - it's still a bit deranged, but he does genuinely see the kid as someone to love and protect, and his feelings for them will be much, much healthier than those he harbors for you.

(Besides, fucking you while you're pregnant is a very, very enticing idea - he'll like the way your breasts grow heavy and sensitive, how your belly bump begins to show. It's not a fetish for him, but it makes him excited to see the way you're literally harboring an expression of his love for you, the baby growing inside you proof that you're his. The way you grow astronomically more horny during those nine months certainly doesn't hurt, either.)

Franklin, in general, lets you do pretty much whatever you want. He's mostly content just keeping an eye on you to make sure you're being safe and not doing something detrimental to your health, but outside of that he's pretty easy going. He'll fully let you choose whether you want to use birth control - he's genuinely ambivalent either way, because while having a kid with you would be kind of sweet, he'd be fine without it. If you don't want to take any contraceptives, he'll support your choice, though he'll keep a back-up set of pills in the cabinet (away from you, so you don't get any ideas) just in case you change your mind. He won't stop fucking you, though, and requesting he wears a condom is pushing his boundaries a little too far, even for him.

If you do request birth control, he'll set you up with some pills, being a stickler and reminding you to take them every day just because he knows you're forgetful, and you don't have access to technology to keep a running alarm. It makes him just the slightest bit nervous to have you take them, though, if only because there's always this lingering worry in the back of his mind that they'll somehow harm you, or that you might choke on them. It's silly and he tries to repress it, but he'll always be hovering in the doorway when you're taking them, one of the rare times when he'll invade your privacy in the bathroom.

Phinks actually secretly hopes that you do get pregnant. Because he's fantasized about having the sweet, perfect domestic life with you, it's hard not to image a baby in your arms, a little squirt running around with action figures in hand, seeing tiny little shoes sitting next to yours and his. It's not something that he's desperate to happen anytime soon, but it's a far off, whimsical goal of his - part of what fuels him to always finish inside you.

That said, Phinks will bend to your will if you insist on using birth control. He'll grumble and run the back of his neck, telling you that that shit can fuck with your hormones, are you sure? I don't want you getting all depressed or angry all the time. It's a weak ploy to get you to rethink, but if you're firm he'll relent. He'll only provide you with the pills, however, because he likes that you could stop taking them, and immediately it would be effective. (Plus, it's incredibly easy to switch out the little white pills for sugar placebos, slowly waning you off the hormones so that you're ripe and fertile and vulnerable to conception. He'll act just as shocked as you are when you hold up the positive pregnancy test with trembling fingers, though internally he's already debating on when to bring up the list of potential names he's already created.)

So in general, you'll probably end up getting at least some form of birth control; despite all their individual differences, there's actually quite a few overarching similarities they all possess as yanderes. Birth control and their aversion to kids just happens to be one of them.

Honorary thoughts about the women of the Troupe - obviously they can't get you pregnant, but even they take a few steps to ensure safe sex.

Machi has so many issues with intimacy already that she doesn't really want to broach the topic with you, but she's got enough medical knowledge to be able to preform something of her own pap smear on you, just to make sure you don't show any symptoms of any STDs or anything like that. (Though frankly, even if you gave her one, she might not mind too terribly - it's from you, after all, and even if you have one she'll probably still end up fucking you anyways.) She'll try to be covert with it, too embarrassed to admit to what she's doing, but you'll probably end up noticing because why else would she be checking over the larger area of your crotch if she wasn't looking for some sort of rash? Save her some time - tell her you're clear, and although her cheeks will heat up to match the color of her hair, she'll be grateful for your intervention.

Pakunoda isn't shy about making sure that both of you are in the clear. She'll get you checked out by a medical professional (in part to check for any STDs, and also just to make sure that everything is healthy down there, no growths or unusual happenings), and will be extremely transparent about what's going on. She'll tell you exactly what she hopes to gain from taking you in, and while it'll make you a bit nervous that she's expecting sexual contact between the two of you, the honesty is kind of nice if only because you won't be left to guess. She'll also get herself checked out, too, because although she hasn't slept with anyone since her last exam, having the results in hand might help calm you and get you more open to the idea of having sex with her. Besides, getting to hold your hand while you're both in gynecologists' chairs sounds oddly sweet to her.

Shizuku, on the other hand, simply doesn't consider that either of you may have any STDs. She's not noticed anything strange on herself, and the thought just simply doesn't occur to her that you may have something. She's idolizes you, thinking of you as sweet and something of an angel, and while she knows you've probably slept with others before, there's no way you could have caught something. So, she won't worry about it - she'll have her way with you without even offering a dental dam or anything of the sort, because she doesn't think you need it. Besides, even if you did have something, it wouldn't stop her from fucking you, and eventually she'll end up with it, so why should she bother?

[prttyjia]

how to get over bad grades ᝰ.ᐟ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

quick disclaimer: being down or dissapointed by bad grades is totally okay, we all grow and feel differently so im not invalidating anyones feelings by this post, its just for anyone who needs it!

taking time to realize : this is bad grades right? it may so unmotivating and disappointing to see how your had work ended up looking. but remember, good grades take being consistent. Try new studying methods, and use more time to understand the concept your lacking rather than memorising it. its just a grade, like every of the billion people on earth get.

remember, this is literally just a number. would you let a number, A NUMBER, define you as a person? no. no you wouldn't. and if you would you have to get yourself together and realize your worth more than what you're worth academically. you're a living human, you wake up every morning and walk out of bed. do you realize how proud you should be for that? because if you dont, i'll tell you how awesome that is. we live on a floating rock, seriously its not that deep. its okay, you did your best.

treat yourself : you worked hard and even had to deal with the misery and sadness by these grades, you deserve to treat yourself. drink some tea, do something you love or go buy yourself something fun. you deserve it because the fact you went through the struggle is the only thing necessary to validate the fact that you deserve to be treated.

remind you that you are the one receiving these negative grades, and you are the one being effected by it. no one should be disappointed in you other than you, because this is affecting YOU. no one should be allowed to punish or shame you for something that wont affect them in any way, but rather you. even if your parents are disappointed or scolding you over your grades, dont take it personal. do it for you and get better as time goes on.

find someone to talk to : whether its a good friend or a responsible adult, you should try talk to someone about how you feel. it makes you feel so much better once you're not the only one borrowing this heavy information around. just make sure you can trust them since not every person is loyal and trustable to talk with.

switch the default : instead of crying or being sad about your grades, laying in bed as you binge eat chips and watch a show isnt the solution. instead, use all that negative energy on getting better at what your struggling at.

im not saying that you shouldn't be allowed to feel down after your grades got assigned, everyone deserves to take a break for as long as they need. im talking about being stuck in an hourless slump, just wasting your time on thinking about things that happend instead of things that are soon to happen. prepare for that.

[rosabienfuerte]

do you know, how can someone gain more confidence in their art?

Wow... This is such a strong question, i will do my best to answer. I cannot say i *know*, but, this is what i think, and the conclusions i've arrived to over time:

I think it's about losing shame. To a degree, shame is necessary for our human growth, and is there to propel us towards change and betterment. But it can also prevent you from truly, fully living life in this world.

Confidence & shamelessness are learnable skills like anything else... It's important to always seek growth while also understanding that, ultimately, making art isnt something you should torture yourself with

Learning technical artistic skill can bring you confidence, i think. It is a tool to broaden your abilities. so you can make what you want to make. My thoughts on this have changed over the years. Skill is also not the ultimate goal. And it is also not possible to "reach" a final point in this, you always have more to learn , if the world didnt work this way nothing would make sense, it's what makes learning and curiosity so thrilling.

The reason why we make stuff is just to make it. Its a natural human behaviour. Singing, dancing, painting, talking, storytelling, etc etc etc , at the end of the day, this is to nurture our souls, it's something that's coming out directly out of your being , your skills, your relationships to the world, the things you see and experience , and is beautifully valuable in its own way no matter what..

it is possible to learn, practice and become better at 'LOOSENESS'. Being free with your hands and what youre making. The way to do this is to just make. Make a lot. And push yourself out towards what youre a little scared of. I don't know what art you make, or how, so this is something you can know yourself..

It also has to do with just, general confidence, in your day to day life. I'm still carrying a lot of shame myself, so i dont have at all an expert solution i can give you. I often feel terribly shameful even about just standing there in front of people. I really admire those who speak in public or act or do theatre or any kind of performance where you have to put your face-voice-body in such a vulnerable visible position. It's incredible. The same way someone can be at a party, dance terrible, but still be greatly charismatic because they just don't care, because theyre just having fun. As opposed to the effect of doing something shamefully.. it is possible to reach a point of seeking perfection that just becomes a joyless burden. We are always capable of more. Discomfort is a door to the endless possibilities of this world. And there should be joy in this. Not all the time, of course. But becoming too severe can backfire, you know? We should enjoy ourselves.

I'm sure putting yourself in those situations can be a way to just not care of how youre coming across. This is all just me assuming this is ask is about shame and self perception or fear.. if you meant it in some other way, let me know..

Like anything else, confidence can be learned, and as a human being you are fully capable of doing that, never convince yourself otherwise, none of your self is "FIXED" in place

I hope at least some of this helps you in some way, and i wish you the best. I've witnessed loved ones rid themselves of shame in such a beautiful transformation. A friend in highschool was so so overcome by fear and embarrassment and i watched her slowly become more and more comfortable with making art again after years of not doing so at all. It was so beautiful. At the end of the day we are all here to enjoy this life, so, have a good day, I love you, good luck 💗💗💗

[papayajuan2019]

I wonder how many people pour their love and soul into your askbox, not even being able to say it as them through the deep fear of being emotional. Why is love so masked? Even through a tumblr askbox?

it's quite a bit of people. it's taken me by surprise. i get intensely honest, vulnerable, sweet messages. sometimes devastating. people want to share themselves, even through a digital curtain. they share things i can tell they worked up to write. people are so loving, even to a stranger like me online. it's validating, and also a lot to take in. often i dont feel qualified to answer, or i worry my response won't match the energy and eloquence. or i get scared they'll be disappointed in my response. i wait until i feel capable of answering (i'm sorry to those who have been waiting on a response. i promise i did not ignore it. i took it in and felt it. i want to wait until i feel i wont fuck up the response).

there has been a lot of shame taught to us, even towards expressing love. we built a world where being our emotional selves is weakness. it's a hard upbringing to shake off. and if you do attempt to undo the shame, you will be retaliated against. people know this, so i dont blame them for being anonymous. people deserve to open up, but in a way that feels safe for them. i just hope they keep working at it. opening up without a mask isnt owed to me. if people share in my askbox as a way to ease themselves into sharing in their real world, i dont mind. it does make me sad though, that this is how we feel we have to share each other. it could be so much different. dont have a solution for this. i just want to be more open myself.

just comes to show you that love will have to be unmasked, eventually. doesnt have to be with me, some random dude online. but my askbox is open for practice (and song recommendations) 🐥

[violentviolette]

What are some good examples of finding a solution that accommodates all parties when it comes to conflicting needs? Like, how would that look like? 

@birdbombs714

i felt like this deserved its own seperate post since the other was getting a bit long so im answering it here

the specifics of things are always going to vary by person and situation, and sometimes there isnt a solution thats possible that accomadates everyone and thats also okay. the important bit in learning to navigate conflicting needs is that both parties are entitled to their emotions without placing blame and responsibility for those emotions onto the other person

so going off some of the examples i gave in my other post, say ur partner needs a lot of alone time but u require a lot of interaction. one potential solution that accomodates both ur needs is that u get interaction elsewhere and hang out with friends a lot. ur partner isnt shamed, blamed or treated like they're denying u something by needing a lot of alone time and u respect their needs by giving it to them. while also respecting and acknowleging that u require a lot more social interaction and will therefore fill that time with other people and friends and be busy often. both of ur needs are treated as equally valid and deserving of being met, and u acknowlege where its okay for the other person to not be the one meeting ur needs

to use the example where a friend has a new interest that u dont share, and talking about it with them becomes annoying for u. it's reasonable to ask that they talk about other things when they talk to u, but that also comes with acknowleging that their need to indulge in things they enjoy is just as important and valid and so as a result, they might spend more time talking with other people who do enjoy hearing about that interest or share it with them. and it's okay for that to make u a bit sad or to miss them, and if u want u can take steps to make up that time, maybe by indulging more in a different interst u share or making more of an effort to do other things with them, but the important bit is the acknowlegement that neither of u are in the wrong for ur feelings and any negative emotions that might arise from the situation are no ones fault and dont mean that either of u care any less about the other

and then there are times when ur needs conflict and it isnt possible to reach a solution that works for everyone and that is also okay and doesnt mean that either person is at fault or to blame. in the example where two people that are living together keep completely different schedules and hours and cant find a compromise, then the answer is sometimes that that situation cant be remedied and the solution is that those two people cant live together. this doesnt make either of them bad people or shitty roommates or in the wrong, it just means they aren't compatible in that way and thats okay. they can still love and care for one another and no one is at fault for the living situation having to change

[37q]

i think the thing that broke me out of the online self-perpetuating minority vigilance paranoia fear shit was reconciling my capacity for resilience with my deep seated love for interrogation.

i hate the "gay trans friendly doctor pls? :3c" quest because i dont trust people to call themselves that and i dont trust others to have my standards for sensitivity (and because i have so many more issues than just trans?) and i dont trust the medicine to back up the sensitivity and i dont trust online searches to give me the full list anyway.

these standards derived pretty rationally from minority stressors and the evaluation of various gateways to information or access but they make me so selective that at this point i just wanna skip the forest of facade friendliness and bulldoze right into the vaguely insensitive normie housing development. i can convince anybody to respect trans people. im capable of persuasion the likes of which you couldnt even fathom. and im relentless in my constructive confrontations, my self-advocacy and compassionate critique, and my desire to address underlying issues in order to design a loving future for everyone involved!

and i have to say, its easy af! its not even about resilience or having thick skin for me, its just a willingness to live with each moment and a commitment to make the next one even better! this isnt for just anybody, but im using my strengths for good over here!

if someone slips up with my pronouns i imagine their guilt and hope it doesnt turn to shame, because that makes them fear the consequences of accepting change! if someone says something to me out of malice i reconnect them with my humanity and remind them that they're speaking to themselves. i prolong the interaction, in the end offering a beautiful, complex way of responding to confusion in their everyday lives. if someone gives me antiquated medical advice i ask them to solve problems with me, then we come up with solutions cooperatively as new information develops in the back and forth.

these interactions are uncomfortable! theyre kinda touch and go, and theres no way to know whether i helped someone develop a healthier view of and relationship with trans people or if they walked away after stereotyping all my remarks and throwing them out. but i try! i literally cant let things rest, and my ceaseless positivity, thoughtfulness, and candidness makes it hard for people to put up walls! i value myself too much to dismiss little things, i value future trans people too much to let it slide, and i value the person in question's personal wellbeing too much to let them use these tactics to hurt or imprison themselves in the future!

im so sick of worrying if someones trans friendly! i will make you trans friendly whether your like it or not! for your good, for my good, for their good!

[magnoliamyrrh]

this is about the convo earlier with being molested by family members..i'm also balkan and i grew up with my grandparents but especially my grandpa inappropriately touching my chest and when i tried to tell my mom, older sis and aunt they all dismissed it as 'ehh he probably didn't mean to/his hand slipped'. i didn't wanna insist and look crazy because i do love my grandpa and he was the only parental figure i had in my life growing up, but at the same time...he did do that. idk if he thought it was normal or what but i think about it often. i can't bring it up with my family again because they'll just ignore it (especially now that he's dead). it's weird to think about how loving and nice he was when he was also doing shit like that from time to time. idk where i'm going with this but yeah. i don't think of myself as someone who was molested as a kid but this shit is definitely normalized. i've seen it in other families where they'd constantly touch and talk about their little boy's genitals... it's so fucked up

it really is fucked up, and its fucked up to realize that so many of us grew up w this.... for a long time i thought this was a me issue not a cultural one - and all the silence and shame around it certainly didnt help w that.... its been fucking weird to think abt the last couple of days since i asked on here abt it. like.. weve really made this SO normal and common huh?? that going against it is outright dismissed or even punished??? i cant help but just keep wondering where the fuck it all went so wrong and how we got here - and whats so wrong that things like this havent been accepted only in the balkans but elsewhere. what. what is wrong with this species. incest is one of the only universal taboos among humans, and most other mammals also have an aversion to it. and yet. we have normalized an abnormal amount of it nontheless over and over again .....? uuuff

im sorry you went through that, and im sorry they didn't take it seriously and listen more to you. thats something that always hurts in particular. discomfort/repulsion is a normal reaction to have and youd expect at least the other women in ur family to care or understand it too, and its rly fucked up when they just... dismiss it or minimize it or make you feel guilty for it or like its your issue or hell do it themselves.. i figure for a lot of them, if theyd accept that what youre saying is bad, itd mean theyd have to accept that things they went through themselves was bad, and they dont wanna do that. so they dont do either.. im sorry that u cant speak abt it and i totally get how him being dead would make it all much harder. in my family at least we v much have a "dont speak ill of the dead" sorta thing, or just excusing the actions of particularly men after they did sorta thing......i still haven't told my family just about anything. any time i ever tried to bring up anything as a kid id get dismissed and ignored at best or be punished or degraded and humiliated at worst so.... learned my lesson on that one but. thank u for sending this, i hate to hear how many of us went through this but also its. nice to know that were not alone in this and that other ppl do get it

and i feel you. its a really confusing mess to try to make sense of how to feel abt ppl like that... be angry? be grossed out, be scared? be numb, be okay with it, pretend it didnt happen? excuse it, explain it away? .... and its just weird in the cases when it wasnt rly something particularly violent, or ""not that bad/bad enough"" ig or towes that line of being able to convince urself that maybe welll it could have been an accident. its weird to know how to feel abt them when they were seemingly ok ppl you cared abt and still do and who were nice other times. .. but also... did shit like this which end of the day just isnt ok. idk... i dont think theres rly a end or solution or one way to feel, i think.... its just kinda bound to be a cocktail of conflicting emotions... im still trying to figure out how to find some sort of. idk, potential resolution or peace w any of it but i haven't rly figured it out yet, i just keep turning it in my mind too

[plantypotter]

I am in so much pain this past month. I ... cannot seem to enjoy anything without this constant feeling over shame and overwhelm. I am tossing labels out the window for the sake of this argument. no clinical diagnoses. rather, what is the problem?

one: artem. is he right? do i have low self esteem and my therapist isn't working? and it's ok my therapist isnt working? where does the pain and jealousy for those whom are able to observe and tell me that come from?

two: what do i need to be .... ok? like at peace day to day? with my relationships, with new ones, with ones i've invested in , with ones i've neglected in some way. why do i push people away the minute they stop validating me?

----

response

one: first thought is, who cares what he thinks? i know i do, but at the same time, in the same vein, i don't morally give a fuck. part of me thinks, strongly, if it's not serving me, who gives a fuck. which is true. no one's opinion of me is going to affect me at the end of the day, it's really my opinion of myself. and ... what is my opinion of myself? (god he's so fucking mean and critical. it makes me angry to think about. it puts me on this loop. do i empathize with these side attack feelings of being attacked, of being hurt, of being unsafe? do i remind myself that...i am safe, and someone saying something negative about me does not ... make me unsafe? do i deprogram?) my opinion of myself. i ... well, i don't think i'm ... independent. i also cannot handle criticism without shutting down for at least a little bit. it puts me into "play dead" or "flight" now, i think. "fight" if I'm familiar with the person, and they can empathize with the other two steps because we've been intimate emotionally, and i know they ... in some way, need or desire me emotionally/won't leave? which pushes them away. I'm aware. so. my opinion. is that, overall, 5/10. as a whole. pretty but so unorganized i don't take care of myself. intellectual and social interests but so overwhelmed everyone i do things with is left hanging eventually. has a societal vision of good communication and reliability, humor, pride, progress but does not execute --- will leave one trail for another halfway there, and never get to the end of level 1. my figs are rotting at the end of the tree and falling off. it is horrible and fills me with shame to watch, and everyone else gets to see it to.

and i don't know how to stop it. therapy? where do i get the money for that when i am constantly overwhelmed? do i stop trying to get anywhere in life, waste my late 20s just saving, doing mediocre jobs, going to therapy?

two: need to be ok? what is OK? the last time i felt OK.. maybe before my brother was born, and through my relationship with him, and my dad before i realized he was neglecting parenting my brother. when i was ok... i was... enamored with the world, every day, every thing around me. i had people who loved me, and i had places to push myself and learn new things. i had freedom, but i also had structure. i also had nannies around who... were supportive, not terribly stressed, pretty hot. i don't know why i was OK. i was also OK... when i was making enough to pay my bills and then some, seeing my therapist and had a place where i felt safe coming home to, could help my brother. i suppose i could do that here. the data analysis thing maybe delay until spring, and just.... try to save. finish my MA course thing. ugh. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i groan because i want it to happen now, i don't want to lose the opportunity to. do this COOP data analyst training thing. it's my way in.

so to summarize, to be ok: income > basic needs. safe space to relax every day. therapy budget and session in weekly agenda. supporting my brother, and family in some way. financially preferred.

i don't like. venting without there being solution, out come, next step. next step: only apply to jobs that provide more than basic needs. buy ikea rug, air filer, vent for ceiling and top of door. set up therapy, and get therapy book. text nick if he still wants allowance. email 2-3 physical therapists at u-mich to see if he can shadow.

be compassionate with myself i suppose, and also hold myself to a standard. i know its hard, but i expect good things from myself because i want to believe i'm capable of them. life will keep going on without me, i can choose to go in circles here or move in the straight line

(subconscious dialogue: i am trying to love those emotions and let them come and go. i am trying to love the emotion right now telling me i should be ashamed. i am trying to love the programming right now telling me i am behind and i should feel shame. why? why should i feel shame? is that motivating me?

maybe a little. what i didn't feel shame about anything, and just did what served me? I trust my morals... mostly. if anything. if there's problem, my system wont work and i can adjust. no amount of worry or shame is going to help me improve.

and i know if i... keep doing this, loving the emotions that tell me i am in danger when i am in fact, not going to die from these things. FUCK. i am loving the fact that i don't know which emotions i want to feed and which i want to let come and go. shame? do i want to feed it? do i want to accept it? do i want to accept all of my emotions?)

income: difference between healthy self-doubt and crippling negativity

[mccarthymolly]

info,story,ok,hm,yh,uh,gd,nc,hm,uh,ok,

Gd convh,, ok k,ky,hh,,j,

If nd sit, padded, cant lean more down,more sound,so hm,uh,porch,uh,dk, difz not lk outsider/more hk

Fun seeing photo/thumbnailed video

Being impressed means nt expect, b expect is bd, b having imagination of person,h,k,jdk,k,

Dark ok,h,mu,hdk,uj,ok,wwh,m,u n,o,

Hm thts nt engh info, b nomount if info c ay if it's ok, wrong apprch, n is n isnt,j,,

Ntamssg u dmb n shieldy,ok,no, nt for this, say cmtt more or ultimate, j

Teview group,ok,ww,dk,uh,hm,ok

Noise

Ature past. Dk hmkuh noise uh, ndighbor,dk,uh,ok, humanity hd exp, less dep, hotter, oee,eh,dk uh ok ha,n o

Ok,hm,uh,ok dth machine ww ok,hm,uh,ww,no,ok,hm,uh,ww,n,o,j, got there n cdnt, js madeworse,ww,dk,uh,ok,hah,,

Racist js nt shamed,uh,o k j

Haha ok hug the dog, ha,ok,ha,hm,,ndk,uzo,kn k ,uh,kdk,uhzyh,ww,j,k,

Liey ok dk ww y,jk , nk

K ww ,unlift,yh,um,uh,scenes, frk,pn,uh,

Hk hj,uh,ok,ww,hm,uh,ok,ww,uh,ok,

Ok ww yh,ok,hm,uh,ww, hk, ml,j,ww,j,

Schl k dk,ww, hk k,j,ww,hm,uh,dk,ww,uh, h,,10mo,f me,jk,kj,,i,

Ok, gap

Check,ww,no,k,no, j mu nj n

Hm duental solutions provements uh h nk org

Persony boyey,ok h,n,

Dk,ww hk, i,

K yh ww, scared,ok,mve,eh,dk,uh,ok,ww,uh,no ,k,no,uh,ok,crfl n say,hm,k,hk,,,ww,k,,o,iwwj,

Nt po,bit,k,,kk,ww,j

[unknownentry404]

Random take but, instead of “cancel,” can we bring back the term:

Deplatform?

As in, stop giving credence to? Reducing the voice and reach of? Taking them off of their pedestal?

Disproving and debunking harmful rhetorics and moving on?

One thing, we all kind of forget after being terminally online so much, is that there is no longterm solution for people who are harmful bigots. Like. We’re not going to kill them?? I mean, especially in left leaning circles, we’re all very anti-prison and anti-death penalty anyway, right?

The best thing we can do is disprove, deplatform and try to educate. But just ignore and allow to them to fade into obscurity, when that doesn’t pan out.

Also, something I think “deplatform” takes account for, that “cancel” doesn’t is: redemption and growth are good things? And you can’t Deplatform someone who ISNT actively saying or doing bad things CURRENTLY.

Everyone makes mistakes, the important thing is to own up to them and learn from them. If the person doesn’t? Deplatform them. But if they do?? Let bygones be bygones?

Idk, life is just exhausting. I don’t have the energy to either deal with bigoted assholes anymore, or shame people who made mistakes they’re actively sorry for and have learned from. I got better things to using my spoons on.

[escapewriter]

not seventeen or any kpop related but i value ur opinion sm LOOOL i have a dilemma

i have a boyfriend. he is so sweet and geniune but i just don’t think we’re a good match, he would be a really good match for someone else.. i feel like i’m kinda plain (?) compared to my friends. not just looks but personality (in fact im probably more insecure about my lack of like… unique charm?). i know they say to not get into a relationship before loving yourself first and trust me, i did,, it feels like AFTER getting in this relationship i’ve started feeling like i’m not good enough. and this is NOTHING to do with my boyfriend- he’s never said anything purposefully to bring me down. it’s always me reading into things too much etc. and also i can tell that sometimes he wants to hang out with some of my friends more than me. im glad they get along but i just wish i could have such interesting conversations as they do between themselves. ultimately if they get on so well, im thinking,, do i even deserve to be in this relationship? wouldn’t they be a better match? ANYWAYS lol the reason why i’m on here is i feel like the side antagonist girlfriend who is an awful match to this male lead and my friend should be the female lead, LMAO hope that makes sense. love ya

omg😭 okay okay idk if i even should be giving advice on these types of topics because i literally write make believe scenarios😵‍💫 but ill do my best and hopefully it’ll help you!!

i think what you should do is have a long serious talk with your boyfriend. having all these assumptions in your head and overthinking isnt going to help you out if you dont speak with him about this. if you let him know how you’re feeling, the two of you can come together with a solution and figure things out.

i also have a hard time communicating my feelings with people and i tend to just let myself wallow and overthink every scenario. but now im learning to share my feelings with no shame or regret because it’s something that’ll help benefit me as a person.

in your case right now, you will get a chance to hear what your boyfriend is thinking or how he feels after hearing what you have to say. communication and honesty is key!! of course it varies from person to person, but this is all my opinion and how i would probably go about it.

i hoped this helped! dont overthink so much and trust yourself and know your worth!! you and your friends are unique and different in your own beautiful ways so dont compare yourself when you are all amazingly different. you are doing great and you are amazing :) really needa take my own advice rn but we’re not taking about that💀

ily and you got this❤️