#this is what happens when you combine two of my special interests

[shiningstarr15]

Fated by the Cosmos ✨💫

Something about two stars being pulled into each other’s gravitational orbit and moving so fluid and in close proximity that they essentially become one, or whatever 😬🤷‍♀️

Doublestar Duo/Binarystar Duo fans rejoice ⭐️⭐️

Can you tell I’m obsessed with them?

Alt. Vers under cut

Original w/o text

Golden Princess and Little Knight 💛🗡️👑 (this one’s criminally underrated)

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Exchanged clothes [S. R] Bolinus brandaris part. 2

Spencer Reid x fem!reader

word count: 4.6k

part 1

summary: a small act of kindness leads to a rather peculiar confession

A/N: Okaay, some people showed interest in a sequel to this and I thought I'd do it, I hope you like it enough. Oh and we are still with baby Spencer, later I will write about the second and third seasons (and as I progress in the series, lol)

taglist: @the-ginger-draws @skievers @c-m-stuff

The days passed, the cases continued, and the level of trust in the friendship between you and Reid only grew. Working at The Behavioral Analysis Unit was complicated and exhausting in many ways, which sometimes made you wonder how he managed to put up with all that, because, although you weren’t an old woman, you did have two years more experience compared to him. It's also not like it was your fault that he was a genius and he went to work for the FBI at an extraordinary age. So every time something happened, you were there for him and he was there for you. The whole team really cared about the two of you (and JJ, the third youngest) while still trusting in your abilities to face challenges. And just like in a family, everyone could also notice the existing tension between you and the doctor, because although, at least on your part, the feelings had been there for a long time, they had become more obvious to the rest since of the trip to Miami.

"Good morning" you had greeted part of the team that day, a few weeks after the trip, more energetic than the others would have expected. Neither Hotch nor Gideon were around, for obvious reasons, so it was only when you passed Reid's desk that you stopped, running your hand affectionately through his hair “Hey, Doc.”

"Hello," he responded immediately. Spencer didn't like it when his hair got messy, but he could take it if it was you, just as he could take your constant hugs or the drawings you sometimes made on his hand when you were bored during meetings. Of everything that happened between you, little managed to bother him, almost as if the interactions he avoided with others were something natural with you around.

Although he had stopped wearing his scarf daily, he still wore it at least once a week as a reminder of how special it was to him, and fortunately that day was the chosen one.

“Do we have a case? Or do I just bury my nose in these reports?” you muttered to the others, but they denied "What of that do you say no to?"

"Today they will be documents" JJ spoke kindly.

"Why do I have so many?"

“Because I passed you some of mine,” Morgan sneered and you gasped, completely offended. You whispered something accusatory in his direction that made Spencer laugh from the next desk, and then he reached over to take just under half the folders.

"I will help you"

"Oh no, no, Reid. It's okay,” you said, your voice softening noticeably, as you placed your hands over his to try to stop him.

"It's nothing, I'll finish them in a jiffy"

"Why don't you ever offer to help me, huh?"

“You manage pretty well on your own,” Spencer teased at your friend, now making you laugh. You still had your hands on his under the excuse of collecting your reports and, perhaps unconsciously, both of you postponed the moment for another few seconds, looking into your eyes with a small smile until he finally managed to keep the material that he had stolen from your desk.

"Thank you," you said, so softly that only he could hear you.

Looking at your coworker had already become something of an obsession. You liked his gestures, how he looked away when he spoke, his nervous ramblings, and the straight hair that he apparently was letting grow, but what you liked the most were his hands. When he was explaining a profile, he always communicated a lot with his body language and honestly, the swaying of his hands, combined with the tranquility in his tone of voice, was very hypnotic to you, as if keeping the attention of others was something inescapable for him, although it was probably easier to keep your attention specifically. Right now, while everyone was minding their own business, you were watching sideways as he ran his middle finger over the printed lines. It made you nervous to see the delicacy with which he moved across the sheet of paper and inevitably your mind traveled to inappropriate corners related to that movement, which embarrassed you to the point of blushing. Thank heavens he was too focused to notice you, so you forced yourself to work on the few reports Reid had let you keep.

The days were very rare when no cases appeared, but you were grateful that they existed because sometimes it was necessary to take a breather. Seeing so many bodies, so much blood and so much inhumanity was something you never quite got used to, although having good teammates in your unit made it more bearable. So that night nothing stopped you from finishing right on time, with a little back pain from sitting all day, but also quite calm.

"I'll see you tomorrow, rest"

"Are you going to your apartment?" Spencer asked, rushing towards you with his coat in hand and the briefcase slung over his shoulder, and you nodded Can you wait for me to go together?”

You looked at him, more confused than you wanted, but you said yes. It's not that you were upset or that you didn't want company, but that you were curious as to why he might have offered to do it.

"Thanks again, for earlier," you said, once both of you were outside. You lived a few streets from the office and you could get there in less than 20 minutes by taking a subway station, which fortunately was the same one he took.

“Okay, they were too many for you. I mean, it's not that I think you can't do the job, you're very capable, it's just that I thought it was too much workload for just you and I… well, I could help you so I did it” with that Reid held up a hand to downplay the matter and smiled at you.

“Why have we never thought about walking to the subway together?”

"I don't know either," he said. You felt a gust of wind hit the both of you so you hugged yourself to try and get some warmth and even though Spencer wasn't the best at reading social cues he managed to figure out what you had and what he needed to do 

“Here” he murmured, as he spread the coat and put it on your shoulders.

“Oh no, no, no, Reid. I'm fine"

"In fact, if you don't use it you can catch a cold and although there are very few cases in which there are complications that lead to death, the symptoms last about a week and you can infect several people during the first days, so you not only you would be taking care of yourself but also the rest of the team” he informed you. That made you smile, and you found that behind all his scientific mumbo jumbo, he was trying to take care of you.

"It's a little big on me," you laughed, reaching into the sleeves with some help from him.

“You look pretty” he blurted out from his lips, completely entranced by you “Well, the… the coat. It looks good” he tried to fix, but you laughed at the compliment that you definitely wouldn't pass up.

"Aren't you cold?"

“No, my shirt and vest help,” Spencer replied, showing you the long sleeve of her white shirt. “I also have my scarf, did you forget it?”

"The best choice in all your outfits" you joked, reaching out a hand to feel the soft fabric of the garment and looking at him, with that cute shy smile "What will you do when you get to your apartment?"

“Huh, probably get some sleep. I haven't been resting properly in the past few days."

"Nightmares again?" you sadly asked. Spencer had talked to you superficially about it a few days ago, although you thought that he had suffered from this disease for much longer than he wanted to admit. He didn't answer verbally, he just nodded his head and you thought he didn't want to delve into it “I think I'll spend a while in the bathtub and then I'll sleep. I'm exhausted"

“You close doors and windows before you sleep, right?”

"I do," you assured him.

“Do you also take your cell phone with you to call in case of emergencies?”

"Huh, yeah"

"Good. Take care of yourself” he insisted. Those didn't sound like random recommendations and that puzzled you a bit.

"I do, Reid," you replied softly. When you noticed that the concern in his features did not leave him, you thought it would be prudent to ask him why that was "Are you worried about something?"

"No, it's not that" he hastened to answer. You still had a few blocks to go to get to the subway and only a few passers-by walked the streets, besides you.

“Are they unsub then? Anything in particular that worries you?"

"It's nothing like that. It's just…” he gasped, still unsure to continue, “if I tell you, you'll think it's silly”

"Of course not. Tell me, what is it?" you asked. He was internally debating if he should tell you what he was thinking and he was convinced a little when he felt your hand on his arm, as if prompting him to speak.

“Yesterday I…” he started to say “I had a nightmare. I dreamed when I arrived at the office I found out that something bad had happened to you. And… I don't know, it felt very real and I couldn't get it out of my head” he admitted. You understood that perhaps it was the reason he had wanted to accompany you, as if he feared that someone might stalk you on the way.

“Spence” you murmured gently, as you pulled him a little in your direction to place one hand on his bicep and the other on his forearm “Don't worry, nothing's going to happen to me. My apartment complex has a good security system and I always carry my gun, if something happens on the street, I will know how to deal with it. They're just bad dreams, I have them sometimes too” you said to reassure him. You felt quite comfortable walking in that position and you continued a couple of steps holding him like this, looking for some negative sign from him, but it never came. With the closeness he managed to feel a little less fear, reminding himself that what tormented him were fantasies of his own mind, that if they were analyzed with a little more detail they were an unconscious reflection of how much he feared losing you.

"I told you it would be silly"

"It is not. It's quite sweet, actually,” you smiled, moving your thumb up and down as you smiled at him. In that position your face was at the height of the boy's shoulder and it was enough for him to turn his head to reach your forehead, so he wondered how much you would bother if he left you a kiss there. He wanted to, but held back.

“I just thought I should tell you. For you to be careful"

“Same to you, Reid. You have a rather peculiar ability to get into trouble” you exclaimed accusingly, because in a couple of cases the man had already managed to get on your nerves.

The position turned out to be cozier than you expected and you continued walking the rest of the streets towards the subway in silence. He concentrated on the feeling of your body so close to him and your hands gently holding him, while you lost yourself in thought wondering what you really felt about your coworker and what he felt for you. Spencer would look at you from time to time, analyzing your gestures and enjoying the sight of you wearing his clothes, something he didn't think would affect him the way he did.

“Did you know that railway suicides have a very small percentage in the country's suicide rate?” he told you, while the two of you looked at the subway tracks that you were waiting for. You had had to distance yourself to be able to pay the pennies for the ticket and you had decided to place your hands in the pockets of your borrowed coat, caressing the lining fabric with your fingers.

"I had no idea" you muttered. You were a little surprised that he always had an interesting fact about literally anywhere you were and you loved hearing him tell you “It must be horrible. And very sad"

"Even the government allocates certain resources to pay for psychological therapy for drivers who witness these suicides"

"Well, at least it comforts me to know that part of my taxes ends there," you joked bitterly and the train stopped just as you finished saying it. Reid let you first into the nearly empty car that would take you home, and along the way you continued to talk about less unfortunate things, like the dinner choices you were planning or the TV shows that were likely to be airing when you arrived.

Having those little quiet moments with him made you feel lucky and the laughs he managed to get filled your chest with joy, making you completely forget everything related to work. The voice in the wagon warned that your stop was next and an anticipated sadness invaded you.

“Be…”

"Be careful, I know" you smiled. Since you were already on your feet, so as not to miss your stop, you crouched down to give him a quick goodbye hug “See you tomorrow. Try to sleep and if you have nightmares you can call me, okay?" you muttered. He nodded from his place as he watched you leave towards the platform and leaned out the window to see your figure disappear into the distance.

Neither of you two realized that you had kept his coat until you got home.

As of that night, that coat returned to see the doctor's closet on very few occasions and the purple scarf went on to have joint custody. He had found out that if he loved anything more than wearing the clothes you gave him, it was seeing you wearing them, causing him to come up with totally pathetic excuses to accomplish that. 

"It's a bit cold" "Purple matches your clothes" or simply "keep it, it looks better on you than on me"

It soon became a habit. During the cases, when you two were apart, it was a little comforting to have something of him with you and when he came home, he would enjoy breathing in the smell of your perfume impregnated on the fabric.

After a few weeks you realized that, without a doubt, you were so in love with him. And when he realized the same thing, he was completely terrified.

“Reid” you greeted him one morning, catching up with him as he poured himself a coffee and analyzed a piece of bread that had surely been sitting there since the day before. Hugs when seeing him had also become a habit, quite nice from the man’s point of view "I have something for you"

"Again?"

"Oh yeah," you smiled. Lately you had been filling him with small gifts and most of them quite rare, but which he kept suspiciously in his desk drawer. And it's not that he didn't appreciate it, but that he was beginning to feel guilty for receiving so many and not having given you any yet. "Give me your keys," you asked and he obeyed without even questioning you. Once you had them in your hand, you took a strip of colored beads from your pocket that you added as a key ring, while he looked at you with some confusion.

"What's that?"

“My friend asked me to babysit her daughter this weekend and we went crazy with crafts. So I thought I'd do this to you” you muttered. He took a closer look at the keyring and noted that you had included his favorite colors, purple and green, as well as a heart-shaped bead at the end. "I know it looks like a preschool kid's creation and if you're embarrassed to wear it you can throw it away”

"No, I like it. It's pretty,” he smiled, running his long fingers over the beads. Satisfied with the answer, you took out your own keys and proudly showed them to him.

"I have one just like it," you said happily. That was true, only yours was made of pink and blue, and the way you said it completely touched the man.

"You make me think that there is still goodness in this world, you know?" he exclaimed, so sincere and without thinking that he surprised you "I loved it, thank you very much"

"Now that I think about it, it's like one of those friendship bracelets you make at summer camp”

“I never went to a summer camp”

"I don't know why I'm not surprised" you laughed and would have continued the conversation if it hadn't been for Hotch's interruption.

“We've got a case. Conference room in 5”

Sometimes you forgot that the real reason you were there was the criminal profiles and not seeing Spencer Reid every day.

You just woke up one morning and knew you had to tell Spencer how you felt about him. As you said before, Spencer seemed to have a special magnet for trouble and proof of this were the cases in which he had to perform dangerous tasks that you knew no one else could do. When he had to get on that train with Ted Bryar you'd gone crazy and last week when he'd watched that cult boy on Massanutten Mountain threaten Reid with a gun you decided you'd had enough.

He had expressed concern for your well-being on multiple occasions, but what about his? Didn't you have the right to care about him just as much? every time he came back you wanted to throw yourself into his arms and whisper in his ear if he was okay, to maybe leave a kiss or two on his cheeks. But every time he came back you just cheered with the rest of the team and barely had contact with him beyond a squeeze on the shoulder and a sincere: I'm glad you're okay.

So you thought that if you wanted to have that kind of privilege over others the only alternative was to profess your love to him in the hope that he would feel the same way and you could work something out.

Spencer, for his own part, also had his epiphany and as much as he tried to avoid it he ended up asking Morgan for advice, who was the only person he thought would be suitable to talk about this kind of subject. Surprisingly, Derek behaved discreetly and really gave the doctor valuable elements to understand one of the few sciences in which science was almost obsolete: love.

Going back to recently acquired habits, walking together to the subway was another one of them. Sometimes this was interrupted because he or you stayed longer than the other, but except for those cases it was a regular activity.

So that night, when you two were walking to the station, your mind was immersed in remembering the speech with which you planned to tell your friend.

"You're very quiet today," Reid observed, taking you by surprise. In a few months he had already learned very well some traits that indicated that something was wrong with you.

“Sorry, I… I have a few things on my mind,” you apologized, but Spencer didn't know what to say because he also had his own things on his mind. He was desperately searching for a way to put into words what he felt, but he kept wondering, could that be explained? All attempts at reasoning became useless with you near him, maybe that's why he couldn't think of how to tell you "Reid, I don't think I've ever asked you, but have you ever had a partner?"

"Like… couple?" he asked, trying to make sure you were referring to the same thing he thought.

“I know it sounds weird, but it just… made me curious,” you exclaimed, shrugging and then crossing your arms in an attempt to comfort yourself. Reid fondly watched how your arms were on that purple scarf and felt a little motivated to speak.

“Huh, in that case, yes, something like that. I dated two people when I was in school, but it wasn't anything serious, just a few kisses” he explained to you and you failed to contain your laughter, maybe because of the way he had explained it. Spencer blushed to his ears and smiled reflexively at your smile. "Don't tease!"

"I don't" you defended yourself. Another person walked down the sidewalk and he reached out his arm to move you protectively in front of him, so when you came back to his side you took advantage of the distance between you, to the point where your shoulder brushed against his arm.

"And you?" he asked after a while of silence "Have you had many boyfriends?"

"The truth? not so many. With most of them I lost interest after the first date and the others left me when they found out I was in the academy. Apparently armed women aren't very attractive” you smiled. You had asked about his romantic history, and incidentally talked a bit about yours, only to open the topic and somehow feel that your confession would not be so out of place.

“There are studies that indicate that women take longer to fall in love than men, perhaps that is why you lost interest quickly. For you it takes about 6 or 8 dates to decide if you want something with a person, because you are more selective and better analyze personality traits in men. But they only care that the girls are… well, pretty” he murmured, with a smirk “On average it takes women 134 days to fall in love while men only 88”

“How long have you and I known each other?”

"It must be like... a year and a half now" he exclaimed, mentally doing the math "Why?" he continued legitimately confused. For the genius that he was, Reid was naive at times.

You looked down at him and for a second thought that even with those bags under his eyes and the stubble he hadn't shaved, Spencer was the most handsome man you'd ever met. Not receiving an answer, he looked at you and was surprised to see the sparkle in your eyes.

"Okay, can we stop here for a moment?" you asked. You knew you were probably going to chicken out if you didn't say it right then, even if that closed beauty salon you were standing in front of was an unromantic place. "I need to tell you something”

You had said it with determination, but once you were face to face, your mind went blank. You panicked: how were you going to tell him? What was the right thing to say? What reaction did you expect?

But Spencer, noticing the silence, decided to be the first to speak.

“Noradrenaline is a neurotransmitter that produces excitement and effusivity, increases heartbeat, blood pressure, causing sweating of hands and flushing. High dopamine levels generate a need to be with the person that releases it and is related to serotonin, which generates well-being, optimism, social closeness, and reduces discomfort and anger. Phenylethylamine makes everything more intense, makes us feel more motivated and optimistic and finally, oxytocin is the love hormone par excellence, it occurs when we have a bond of trust with people or when we feel a strong attraction. Sometimes it is also released when we embrace the reason for our affection” he had said that so hastily and waving his hands, that he could only show how nervous he was. He inhaled to catch his lost breath, then finally made eye contact with you, taking a moment before continuing, “What I'm trying to say is…you make me feel all of that. You alter my chemistry in ways I've never thought of and… and I… go all goofy and don't know what to say…”

"Spencer" you interrupted him "You mean you like me?" you asked gently, because you knew that when he started to wander sometimes you needed to bring him back down to earth. Reid looked at you tight-lipped and nodded slowly.

You were silent for a second, trying to process what he had just told you, and he got even more nervous than he was.

“But I think that after all this what I care to know is… if you feel the same way. Or in the worst case, if you think you might feel something like this”

“A total chemical mess for you?” you exclaimed amused. One of your hands went to his and you gently held it, taking a step closer to him. “I'm sorry, Reid. I feel it every time I look at you, that you hug me, every time I give you those silly gifts and see the smile on your face. Everything in you causes me that"

"Are you serious?" he asked, wanting to be completely sure what he was hearing. You laughed and wrapped your free arm around his neck, pulling him into a hug.

“Of course I do. Before you said all that I was racking my brain trying to find a way to tell you how I felt."

“Did you know that this is a phenomenon? There are those who call it the tuning fork effect, which is when two people connect the same idea at the same time, almost as if they had been thinking at the same frequency.”

You chuckled and buried your head in his neck, letting go of his hand so you could hug him properly. He wrapped both arms around your waist and buried his head in your hair, willing to say nothing more for fear of ruining the moment. All the fears you had had were being buried with that contact, because now you had the certainty that what you felt was mutual.

You stayed like that for what felt like hours, just listening to the gentle beating of his heart and enjoying the sense of security that being in the man's arms made you feel.

"I really like you" you broke the silence, with a whisper, making him smile.

"I think the most logical step from here would be to ask you out on a date, no?" he muttered. You pulled away enough to look at him, but still leaving your arms around his shoulders.

“I don't want to have to wait. Let's go for a burger"

"Don't you prefer somewhere more... formal?"

"Leave formal places for proposals, handsome," you said in a playful voice, caressing his cheeks with your extended palm and he made a mental note that this Italian restaurant he was thinking of inviting you to would be the ideal place to ask you to take the next step, when the time was right. 

“I still have to take you on at least 6 dates, to be sure”

"Fuck the statistics, I don't need that burger to know I'm in love with you," you said and he grinned from ear to ear.

“I know a place with an excellent health label and organic food, it is a few streets from here”

"I follow you" you answered cheerfully "On one condition"

"Which?"

"Let me hold your hand," you asked softly and Reid wasted no time in fulfilling your wish, leading you to the restaurant that way.

And at the end of the night, when you stole a kiss from him, he couldn't have felt luckier.

[tarotchariotpickyourcard]

Why You're Single

Yeah. Here you go.

Please choose between the numbers one, two or three. Or, choose one of the following charms. From left to right is one two or three.

One is the teapot, two is Blossom from powerpuff girls, and three is a sparkly blue clip.

This may be brutal. Don’t hate me, or if you do, you’re allowed I guess but just move on and get a little treat or something. Always a little treat.

GROUP ONE

UNREQUITED LOVE (SPECIAL ATTENTION)

PAY ATTENTION TO THE RED FLAGS

GIVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP A CHANCE (SPECIAL ATTENTION)

You got some quite funny mini cards in my opinion, one was literally The Joker, which made sense when I turned over Pay attention to red flags. Then the other could be a hint to yourself or someone important. It was a king card, not sure which one. The animal depicting it was a monkey.

That could signify to me (yes, I do read into everything) that someone could have been ‘monkeying around’, someone likes monkeys, someone is silly as a characteristic. It also has another side that shows a football. So someone could be a football player or really into it (or soccer), or they like to watch it. This could be yourself, a past or current interest. There is also the letter M as a possible initial, doesn’t have to mean anything.

So what I’m going to do, I’ll give you the basic run down on each card meaning but I will be looking at what I feel when I look at the images for you.

Unrequited love – There’s not enough attraction or chemistry to keep this relationship going. Speaks about one of the two retreating and disappearing often. Talks about how some can attract unhealthy situations with another romantically to try and heal childhood wounds. You deserve to be in a relationship with mutual love, respect and attraction. Ask the angels to help you attract someone of a similar nature.

Oooooof. Your intuition strikes again and again but you seem to keep ignoring it, or something holds you back from taking action on your insights. All very valid, not gonna judge. But I see in the woman’s face that she knows something is wrong in an interaction with a suitor, but she stays planted in place. It’s like she has trouble walking away. Maybe she is scared what the suitor will do if she walks away. Maybe she doesn’t like to be cruel, maybe she has issues saying no. This could be connected to possible childhood wounds, like the original meaning suggests.

I see a past love interest (whether serious or not) may have genuinely hurt your feelings. Repeatedly. This could be on a scale of low to high severity on what may have happened.

I’m going to be straight up, pretty fast. This combination of cards just gives me the initial thought that you could be giving the wrong people chances. You may have chased after love interests that didn’t show you the time of day compared, you seem to naturally be interested or go after those that don’t really seem for you, versus people that would be helpful or healthy for you. I get the thought block in my brain of liking drama (thinking it means something is happening), or thinking attraction is something that true attraction…isn’t quite? Love means something different to you, it’s misconstrued. The expression of it, at least.

It’s like if someone hurt you, but they came back and it was this big thing, or event or something. It’s like you want to be proven to that you are wanted. Maybe, just maybe there’s a part of someone here who deep down thinks if they can have someone interested in them or love them that initially seemed unreachable…Then finally, that means they are wanted.

But in reality, this is just you giving and giving, I think.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE RED FLAGS – The signs are cautioning you. If you are swept up in a new romance, this card is cautioning you. Pay attention to your feelings and thoughts. Don’t allow emotion to blind you to characteristics or habits that won’t serve you in the relationship. A red flag is a sign that something is off. Indications of dishonesty, disrespect, flirtatiousness with others, substance abuse, lack of integrity etc. A person may treat you very well at the start, but watch for the way they treat others. Red flags can be markers for healing, in the right places.

Nah, nah nah nahhhh. I feel like you have given attention to people who were definitely nowhere near your level. What are you doinnnnn. Your angels are saying protect yourself, protect yourself. Giving too many chances for the wrong people to talk to you, you’re giving people the time of day and they don’t deserve any attention at all. I see someone trying to appear more smart or well learned than they are, nooooo. Excuse me while I get a bucket. It’s like “Yeah this thing you brought up, I know all about it, let me talk over you or teach you to assert my dominan…I mean attractiveness.”

But I kind of see you putting on a mask. And it’s not in way that’s on purpose I don’t think. Or to manipulate for gains. I guess subconsciously it’s to manipulate for something you think you desire. Maybe. This mask, it could be as simple as people pleasing. It could be that you don’t quite express your honest self out of shyness or fear. That’s a journey in itself, and you’ll feel comfortable being yourself when it’s the right person.

People might say they want something, and ghost. People might say they want to try and fix something, but go back to a pattern. People say a lot of stuff. Give your relationship a chance just makes me think you could be listening to what people say, more than looking at what they do. And they’re wasting your time. And that’s not fair. Watch the person. Watch what they value. When they say they want something, do they make plans? When they say they love their family and they’re a family person, do they even spend time with them? They say they love football? (lol) well do you see them going to matches? Do they ever have it on tv?

It says in the meaning for this card, if you do end a relationship, know that you gave it your all. But some things and people don’t deserve your all, because they never gave it theirs. So don’t effing give it. Watch and wait and see if someone deserves all of you. Because you deserve all of the right person.

Jeysus.

Right angel card guidance/notes and charms.

You have a penny which has me thinking see a penny pick it up…You know the rest, and be mine.

You’ve got count your blessings – Study and learning – Live your joy

You’ve got a lot going on in life and a lot going for you. You’re a smart cookie, and you’ll learn more how to navigate romance and relationships, but for now I feel like one or more have wasted your time, which annoys me a bit to be honest, because you have cool stuff to do. Way cooler than entertain dorks. You know more than a lot of these people that might approach you, so don’t let them think you’re not as smart as them either. The more you live your life, enjoy yourself and pay attention to your schoolwork, studies or work, the more likely you are to energetically attract someone better for you. It’s like releasing shackles. You don’t need to prove anything, you don’t need validation, you are your own darn blessing and you will be the ultimate blessing in someone elses life. So the next one better be real, and better know they’re talking to a good egg.

I do like eggs.

 That’s it good luck look at your childhood but don’t forget your cool hobbies or to get one.

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GROUP 2

PASSION – allow your heart and soul to sing with joy

CHILDREN – Your love life is being affected by children

ATTRACTION – You attract romantic love by enjoying this moment fully

Mini cards are jelly fish and tent. Jelly fish makes me think you’ve been stung. Tent makes me think of a safe place outside.

Your charms are D as a possible initial, and flowers may be special to you, especially cherry blossoms or pink flowers.

Passion talks about reviving passion in your own life. Romantic improvements beginning with yourself. Maybe things have been a bit apathetic lately, or mundane. Maybe you’ve been focussed on just getting on with things. It says when you can enjoy your life completely and be involved in it, it brings that energy into your relationships. Suggests that you could meet someone through hobbies, activities or causes.

Children suggests that yourself, or a love interest may be affected by children right now. So perhaps you are looking after a child currently, perhaps you work with children. Sometimes this can mean inner child work. The meaning says there could be a need to be more playful or lighthearted, or it’s time to heal an inner child wound. (I personally would recommend guided meditations, there are some free ones on youtube.)

Attraction says you are most attractive when you are being yourself and enjoying yourself in the moment. (so many hints to play, have fun, do something interesting or a hobby). Your joyful laughter, self expression and body language are beautiful. If you are straining to find romance, can create stress and unpleasant consequences physically as a result of stress but also energetically. The fear that you may not find someone can create blocks. Enjoy simple things in life such as flowers or art, and visualize what a loving healthy relationship looks like to you.

All together this is out right just telling me you’re too stressed. It’s like your body freezes up when someone tries to invite you to dance, or play a game. It’s like you’re not used to relaxing, and you’re naturally tense. I’m going to check with you now – are your shoulders high up, is your jaw clenched? What about your back. Is it straight or hunched? Listen to your body.

First, I suggest you go out just with you yourself and you, no judgement, no eyes one you. Go out and enjoy a day at the museum, or a café, or visit a historical place. Whatever seems interesting. Or even just dance like a weirdo in your living room with no one there. I feel like you need to be more yourself and in your body. Because, I feel like you could attract the right person, it’s just a matter of you being ready and in the right place mentally.

If there are childhood wounds like suggested, this could be around self-expression or individuality. Or maybe you didn’t feel allowed to enjoy things. Just some brainstorming.

I am seeing that having a partner who is kind is very important to you. Someone familial, someone loving. Maybe you even want someone who is passionate, even a go getter. But I feel like that’s something that you can be, too. You don’t have to wait for that type of energy to come into your life. I get the idea that maybe you play it safe. Maybe it’s time for you to step out of your comfort zone a bit. You never know if you will either really light up a connection already, or if you’ll attract someone you never would have before.

Your angel card is study and learning. This goes hand in hand with doing something new or getting involved in a hobby/cause. Maybe you could meet someone at school/university? The book meaning suggests asking yourself ‘what is this situation teaching me?’. While you’re single, what do you think is happening for you? What does it enable for you? If you’ve been considering taking a course or learning something new, the angels are giving a yes to that. I see as well that someone could get your attention because they are interested in the same thing you are. Mutual interests are a great ice breaker.

There you go group 2, I’m hoping that you have some fun soon, let loose a little.

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GROUP 3

You seem like you’ve been working hard. Backs hurting here at the top.

 Gone and given me more cards to read, lolllll

Okkkkkkk.

You guys are always on the go, that’s why. These mini cards just have a car and a plane taking off. You’re too darn busyyyy.

For charms, I have ‘love’ and what I call a mystery, because the purple looks mysterious. With the hello kitty charm. I see this is maybe you see love as a mystery, maybe you have never been in love or experienced it yet regardless of age. Maybe relationships are confusing to you right now. The cat and the mystery seem to me like maybe you’re mysterious and/or hold back a bit too much.

HONEYMOON

Do you like traveling? Or do you travel for work? This could be affecting your chances to hold down a partnership right now. It’s not inherently bad, it just is what it is. However, practically speaking, most people stay put and would like to have their partner with them most of the time. Decisions/priorities may need to adapt or there may need to just be acceptance of the situation.

CODEPENDENCY

Addictions are affecting your romantic life.

DECEPTION

Someone is wearing a false self-mask in this relationship

TRUE LOVE

This is the romance of a lifetime

A lot of you here seem to have a soft heart, and as a result, can be easily hurt and it may be more difficult for you than others to overcome when others lose your trust or harm you. It may take longer, or you might find things to distract yourself, from games/socializing, all the way to the other side of the spectrum such as harmful substances.

I feel like I might have to be a bit hard line with you here. There are a few possibilities with this combination of cards, and honestly there’s no real judgement because they can be common, but it may be things that people don’t like to hear, quite frankly.

Some here might be scared of love so they jet off, or are always on the move or tend to run from potential relationships. It’s like a secret little inner self sabotage person in the back of your brain. Figuratively speaking.

Someone here may have been cheated on (I’m sorry) and ever since have kind of lamented about it, and been afraid of trusting again so you may wear a mask of not caring or being more interested in something/someone else. You may do things just for show, to protect your feelings and ego.

Someone here might have been the ‘toxic’ one, and this has been a growth experience, even if upsetting.

There may also be idealistic thinking and unrealistic expectations, which is not what true love is in the grand scheme of life.

Codependency is what it says on the tin. This could be within relationships (for example needing validation or attention, feeling that you can’t do something without a particular person, feeling like you need their permission, even.) or substances, or activities. Some co-dependency’s in life are more subtle than others. You can even be addicted to work. It may give a sense of meaning to the point you rely on it to feel important or valued.

Deception shows that you aren’t being real with others romantically, but it also means with yourself, too.  Take some time to understand your real desires and priorities. It can also mean you’ve had people lie to you, and you find it hard to trust and open up. My advice for that would be to try, but wait and watch for a little bit and open up bit by bit yourself. It doesn’t have to be all at once. It’s not true love when someone just let’s their whole life story out at the first conversation, though some might like to think that. It just means they like talking.

It’s important for you to be honest with others as well, even if you feel paranoid that they won’t be honest with you. You can attract the energy by being it. Keep having integrity.

Overall, I see fear, and using something to run away. You may claim to want a partner/healthy relationship but you are your own barrier. You deserve a healthy relationship that is loving and full of mutual trust. But do you agree?

 Please don’t let shame hold you back from enjoying your life moving forward as a human being. Everyone deserves love.

Your angel advice is

Don’t hate, meditate – Thank you angels for sending me love through meditation

Synchronicity – Thank you angels, I trust your well timed guidance and signs.

Yeah, you’ve definitely been burnt. The angels say any time you feel the anger or frustration, to close your eyes and connect. The meaning says that these feelings don’t serve you and they will help you to remove them. It talks about having an independent and self sufficient soul, but the angels invite you to meditate and ask for their help. Every time you think of the ‘hate’ word, just try and switch to something you love.

I want to say to remember that you’re better than this, as well. You’re growing into a better person every day, and if you’ve been wronged, you’re miles further in development than they are. So never lower yourself, and never lower your standards. You’re both strong and kind in your own way and you deserve a unique soul, someone who understands things differently too.

Synchronicity talks about how some things happen for a reason in life. They’re asking you to trust the process and try and have faith. They also suggest if there’s a project you’ve been thinking of, now is the perfect time to start. I see Neptune, so it makes me think of a creative project.

Ok good luck with your romantic life and your whole life in general hope something cool happens bye

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Well that was interesting. No tomato throwing please. Have a good dayyy

[poisonlove]

It's a Date? | w.a

Y/n invites Wednesday Addams to an unusual forest outing, pretending there's a mystery. In the cemetery, amid gravestones and shadows, they share a special moment, discovering an unexpected connection.

I find myself in front of Enid and Wednesday's room. My throat is tight, and my heart beats so loudly it echoes in my ears. Inviting Wednesday on a date makes me strangely nervous, a whirlwind of emotions translating into an exhilarating anxiety, a feeling of fear and anticipation blending together.

The plan was simple... invent an excuse to capture Wednesday's attention and venture into the woods, where the date would take place.

I take a deep breath and open the door, immediately seeing my best friend in bed, while Things does her nails. I slowly move my eyes to the other side of the room, where Wednesday Addams is immersed in writing her novel with the typewriter.

Wednesday Addams, sitting in front of the typewriter, exudes an air of cold calmness. Her long black hair is neatly tied into two braids, falling gracefully over her shoulders. Her facial profile is regular, with a fine nose that rises with grace. Thin lips are closed in a determined expression as her fingers move precisely on the keyboard. The atmosphere is charged with creativity and mystery, with Wednesday seemingly completely absorbed in her narrative world.

Enid genuinely smiles when I enter. "Hey, Y/N, how are you?" she asks with her warm smile.

"Fine, Enid," I reply, trying to hide my nervousness. "Um, how's your boyfriend doing?"

Enid laughs slightly. "Well, you can imagine, always busy with work. But let's say everything is fine. But now, tell me, what brings you here?"

I shift my attention to Wednesday, trying to keep a seemingly casual tone. Enid smiles mischievously, aware of the reason for my visit.

Enid glances out of the corner of her eye at Wednesday and smiles broadly.

The blonde clears her throat. "You know, the other day something strange happened in the woods..." Enid exclaims casually.

Wednesday straightens up and stops typing on the typewriter. "What happened?" I ask with genuine confusion.

"Don't you remember? You told me the other day! Someone died, but the body disappeared into thin air. The only thing they found was a shoe. Now it's in the sheriff's hands in case there are any developments," Enid says, tilting her head to the side and looking at me with confusion.

I open my mouth and understand her look. "Oh yes, yes... I needed someone to come with me to see," I mutter distractedly.

In the most subtle way possible, Wednesday puts the papers aside on the desk and stands up from the chair. After the solved mystery of the Nevermore monster, Wednesday had no more stimuli to satisfy her investigative side. This mystery seemed perfect.

Wednesday's movement catches the attention of the two girls. "I'm coming with you," Wednesday mutters softly.

I widen my eyes, and Enid immediately corrects Wednesday, "No, no, I can't come," the blonde murmurs quickly.

Wednesday thinks Enid is scared and observes her friend.

With determined steps, Wednesday approaches me, and at that moment, the considerable height difference between us becomes evident. Her intense eyes scrutinize me with curiosity, and as the distance between us shortens, we both sense the peculiar dynamic developing between us. Her presence, albeit cold and distant, conveys a subtle tension that cannot escape careful observation.

"Shall we?" I murmur with a thread of voice.

Without saying a word, Wednesday turns quickly, grabbing her bag from the chair. She tightens her lips and tries to slow down her heartbeat by breathing slowly.

"Get ready for an... interesting experience," Wednesday murmurs, adding a touch of mystery to her monotone voice.

The strange combination of enthusiasm and detachment in her words is fascinating as we head towards the exit of the room.

(...)

I walk nervously through the woods, the sound of my steps blending with the rustle of twigs and leaves crushed under my feet. I'm lost in my thoughts, focused on the daunting task of keeping the conversation with Wednesday. I feel her behind me, silently observing me with curiosity as we venture deeper into the forest. Her presence, almost ethereal among the trees, adds a mysterious dimension to the surrounding atmosphere. The forest seems to respond to our passage, a succession of sounds and shadows fueling nervousness and anticipation.

We walk through the woods, "How much longer, Y/N?" Wednesday breaks the silence. Knowing the forest quite well, Wednesday seems intrigued by the fact that we've taken an unfamiliar path. I move a branch obstructing our way and stop, looking at her with curiosity.

"Here we are," I whisper softly, diverting my gaze to the ground beneath my feet.

Wednesday Addams gives me a quick glance before discovering a cemetery around us. "Interesting," she comments with her monotone voice, but her eyes reveal a hint of happiness.

Wednesday notices a blanket near a tombstone and raises an eyebrow, looking at me with a mix of curiosity and indifference. "What's interesting here?" she asks, her voice as sharp as a knife. As I approach, I notice the blanket, and my gaze meets Wednesday's. "It seemed like a good place to stop," I reply, trying to maintain composure that seems to elude me when her eyes scrutinize the cemetery carefully.

Wednesday nods slightly, perhaps approving the choice. "So, what have we planned?" she asks, her interest hiding behind the veil of her tranquility.

I feel warmth rising to my cheeks as I respond, trying to maintain composure. "I thought it might be an opportunity to... spend time together." My voice betrays a slight insecurity, but Wednesday seems to show no emotion.

After the question, Wednesday realizes the basket of food on the blanket, understanding that everything was planned. There was no mystery in the woods, at least not one related to a dead person.

"Is it a date?" she asks with curiosity, looking at me seriously. I nod, feeling my cheeks blush as I sit on the blanket. "I thought it might be a good way to get your attention," I confess, smiling with embarrassment.

Wednesday tilts her head to the side and approaches me more closely. The little Addams kneels, reaching my eye level. With an embarrassed smile, I take a black rose and a Dahlia from the basket. Wednesday watches with curiosity as I do so, and later, she gives me a small smile, seeing the flowers in my hands. Her smile widens, and I unconsciously smile, realizing it's the first time Wednesday has smiled in that way.

In an unexpected move, Wednesday leans in and delicately places her lips on mine. I'm surprised by the speed of the gesture and, above all, by the sensation of her lips, which are lethally cold. A shiver runs down my spine, while the woods around us seem to whisper secrets. It's a moment of quiet mystery among the graves, where the world seems to stop as Wednesday and I share that delicate kiss in the silent cemetery.

Timidly, I melt during the kiss, placing a hand on Addams' side. Her lips are surprisingly cold, but in that moment, the cold seems only to intensify the aura of mystery surrounding us. When we finally break the kiss, I notice Wednesday's lips pulling into a small smile. "There was no need to do all this to get my attention... my eyes are always fixed on you, Y/N/N," she says with a seriousness that makes me blush.

I look around uncomfortably, even though I know we're alone. "I don't like cemeteries," I mutter weakly, reading the name engraved on the tombstone. Two fingers gently touch under my chin, forcing me to meet Wednesday's black eyes. "I know... you mentioned it some time ago," she says with a cold voice.

I raise an eyebrow, and Wednesday fiddles with the flower between her fingers. "Not answering you doesn't mean I don't pay attention when you speak," Wednesday murmurs softly, and I can't help but smile at her unexpected sincerity.

It wasn't an official date, but as Wednesday walked away, her heart was racing. A strange sensation, like spiders weaving a web, made its way into Wednesday's stomach, creating a pleasant restlessness.

I look at Wednesday with surprised eyes. "Was all this not necessary?" I ask incredulously.

Wednesday, with her intense gaze on me, responds calmly: "Maybe not, but it was a welcome surprise."

We sit on the blanket in the silent cemetery, the twilight light dancing among the tombstones. It's a timeless moment, where the mystery of the dark woods merges with the mystery of our connection. Her eyes gaze into mine, and I can feel her heart beating fast. A slight smile appears on her lips, almost like a shared secret.

"It's not official," I whisper, trying to understand the meaning of that moment.

Wednesday nods slightly, her hand getting closer to mine. "It doesn't need to be official to be real," she says timidly while looking at the sky slowly tinting orange.

[yamujiburo]

✨YAMUJIBURO F.A.Q.✨

Should've made this a while ago! I'm starting to get a lot of the same questions in my inbox nowadays tho and I feel bad for clogging up y'all's timelines with the same questions haha

GENERAL QUESTIONS

Who are you?

I'm Kiana, I'm a queer, Japanese Jamaican woman, and a Director/Storyboard artist at Disney Television Animation.

What are your pronouns

I usually go by she/her but I don't really mind any pronouns~

Where did you go to school?

California College of the Arts (but I dropped out when I was hired at Disney)

How did you get hired at Disney?

My bosses found me on twitter through my Team Rocket fanart. They liked my drawing style and asked if I wanted to take a storyboard test. I did, I passed, I got interviewed and moved to LA two weeks later to start storyboarding.

Is this a repost blog??

No, you might know be better as @kianamaiart. This is just my Pokémon sideblog where I post exclusively (for the most part) Team Rocket and Pokémon art.

What does your username mean?

It's a combination of the main 4 Team Rocket members' Japanese names: Yamato (cassidy), Musashi (jessie), Kojiro (james), Kosaburo (butch)

What program and brush do you use to draw?

Default brush in Storyboard pro

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GENERAL POKEMON QUESTIONS

Who's your favorite Pokémon?

What are your favorite ships?

Any ship with Jessie. Yamushipping, Rocketshipping and Hanamusashipping are my top three!

Who do you ship Ash with?

I was a big Pokéshipper when I was younger but nowadays don't really feel strongly about any of the ships involving the kid characters. I'm also in the "Ash is aroace" camp.

Do you have any trans headcanons?

You can find em here along with other headcanons! It should be noted that I don't usually marry myself to one hc (unless it's for a specific AU I'm trying to build out) and love seeing various interpretations of a character! Trans woman Jessie, Trans woman James, Trans man James, Genderfluid Jessie, give em to me!

Do you play the games?

I've played all the mainline Pokémon games and very much enjoy them! But I am much more invested in the anime and the characters in the anime.

**************************************

HANAMUSA AU QUESTIONS

Where can I read all the comics in order?

Here! I update anytime I make a new comic and list them in chronological order (since I just draw comics at random points in the timeline as they interest me). This post also already answers some of the frequently asked questions about this AU like: How did Jessie and Delia meet? What are James and Meowth up to? How old are Jessie and Delia? etc.

What does "Hanamusa" mean?

Hanamusa is a combination of Delia and Jessie's Japanese names, Hanako and Musashi respectively.

When does this AU take place?

It takes place sometime after the Mezase Pokémon Master/To Be a Pokémon Master series. So all the events that happened in the series, unless retconned within the series, happened. Ash is 10 at the start of the comics.

What's the status between Jessie, James, Meowth and Giovanni/Team Rocket?

Not great terms since they were fired, but also not the worst terms. Giovanni just let the three of them go without any further issues. I will say that I've always loved the theory that Giovanni keeps Jessie specifically around because of her parentage and he as a soft spot for her that he keeps a secret. I feel like Matori was the one that got the three of them fired and Giovanni wasn't able to make an excuse for them this time (without showing nepotism/special treatment) so he was forced to let them go.

If you headcanon Delia as a lesbian, how did Ash come to be?

Delia was young when she had Ash and I hc that she just didn’t really explore her sexuality much! I myself didn’t realized I liked women until I was 18 and didn’t know I liked ONLY women until like 2 years ago. She got married, had a baby and realized after her husband left that she liked women (trans people exist obviously but I’m also interpreting Ash’s father as a cis man).

Who do you think Ash’s dad is?

I don’t know and I don’t really care to explore it. I’m going off of the novel interpretation that he’s just a deadbeat that left to be a trainer, failed and never came back because of the shame. He’s not important.

Isn’t Giovanni Ash’s dad?

That’s a common misconception that people remember wrong from the Pokémon Live show. Delia mentions she dated Giovanni but then left him and his gang after meeting Ash’s father. I also don’t consider the live show canon personally! I follow The Birth of Mewtwo timeline where Madame Boss founded Team Rocket.

Do you think Delia and Giovanni dated at least?

Nah, I think he’s too old for her? I always got the vibe from The Birth of Mewtwo that he was quite a bit older than Jessie and it’d be sus if he was dating Delia when she was married to, and had a child with her husband at 18/19. He’s a bad guy but not a BAD guy.

You mentioned you still ship Jessie and James. Why not make a Jessie, James, Delia polycule?

I have a few reasons I’ve mentioned before! 1. I’m in super deep with this AU already and I feel it’d be very confusing for casual viewers of my stuff if James was added into the relationship haha. 2. I’ve drawn Jessie and James together since 2011 and took this AU as an opportunity to try my hand at writing them as queer, platonic besties bc I love that interpretation of them a lot as well. 3. I’m not poly myself and the way I write this ship is largely based off of my experiences with my girlfriend. I just know I’d favor the Jessie/Delia of it all which isn’t fair and not a good interpretation of a poly relationship. All that said, I DO super enjoy seeing peoples’ poly headcanons and art!

Who does James end up with in this AU?

No one. He's aroace and is happy to be single

Do Jessie and James have all their Pokémon in this AU

I think they have all the Pokémon that they did by the end of Mezase Pokémon Master (all their Pokémon that were left at HQ). Most of their released Pokémon have stayed released and the Alola Pokémon are still in Alola. I bring back Arbok and Weezing post-Jessie and Delia getting married. I may bring back Chimecho, Growlie and Cacnea if I think of an idea I like!

What are Meowth and James up to in this AU?

Hop back to the top of this post under the "Where to Start" section. All your questions will be answered.

Does Ash travel with anyone at this point of his life?

I don't have anyone in particular in mind! I could see him making new friends (Nemona???) or traveling with different combinations of old friends. Like him, Misty and Goh, him, Dawn and Cilan, him, Serena and Lillie etc.

Will Delia ever get over her phobia of snake Pokémon

Not fully! I think overcoming fears is fine and good but I think real PHOBIAS are much harder to get past and I don't want to cheapen it. She slowly gets used to Jessie's Seviper specifically and gets to the point where she can pet it comfortably with Jessie in the room. But otherwise, still scared and would need that same amount of time per Pokémon

Is Jessie gaining weight or is it just me?

Not just you! Jessie puts on a bit of relationship weight overtime as you'll see in the later comics in the timeline. Jessie grew in poverty, never knowing when her next meal would be and that continued into her life as a Team Rocket member. Once she was able to settle down (with a woman who runs her own restaurant no less) she's able to live a healthier lifestyle with regular meals and puts on some weight because of that.

Does Jessie ever feel self conscious about gaining weight?

Nope! She feels happier and healthier and hotter. She's also unreasonably excited to clear out her old clothes and get a new wardrobe.

Would Jessie and Delia ever have kids together or adopt?

Nah, Ash is enough for them! I have come up with hypothetical kids for them but they're not canon to this AU. Just a fun little thing for me.

Will you ever put this on webtoon?

Nah. People mostly ask me this because they want to read everything in the order of the timeline but to my knowledge, you can’t reorder chapters or installments which would defeat the purpose. I also don’t think nintendo fan stuff would fly there. Also, also it’s just extra work and another place to upload and I want to keep this all fun for myself~

[ysabelmystic]

“I just came from r/196” ask game

Saw another post. I think I should invite y'all to one of our longstanding traditions. Answer the questions then tag 10 (or more) people. I'll go first.

Name? Frankie

Pronouns and gender? he/they/it, transmasc

Sexuality? Lesbian

Country? USA

Top 5 fandoms? Bungou Stray Dogs, Cosmere, All for the Game, Fundiesnark (not a series but I'm too deep in it to not consider it a fandom), .....the tornado fandom? (they're my special interest)

What is your Most forbidden snack? The preserved bones at the Atlanta Bodies Exhibition. They looked so crunchy...

Would you pet a bug? If it's big enough, it is pettable.

Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class. I like to drive around rural areas and photograph old, sometimes abandoned locations in the dead of night. I have been literally chased out of towns by foot and by car on two separate occasions. The second time this happened, "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus came up on shuffle and that's the soundtrack my friend and I tore out of town to. Also every "guy" I've dated except for my most recent ex (who has big egg energy) is a lesbian now.

What does the color blue taste like? Creme brulee

What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? The appalachian mountains of Tennessee in the middle of summer. There's kudzu everywhere. On the backroads, there were several old, dilapidated Baptist churches barely hanging to the side of the mountain. I wonder how many of them were still in use.

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done? Short version: my friend's house almost got broken into by this dude who'd been stalking us for months while we were home alone. Instead of calling the cops, we decided to confront him with a bow and arrow (me), a hatchet, and a baseball bat (him). The plan was that if it went badly, we would simply throw his corpse into one of the many lakes in the neighborhood and let the alligators eat his remains (this was Florida). Why? Because we were afraid of having our home-alone privileges revoked. Luckily for us all, the guy fucked off and we never saw him again.

Stupidest thing you've seen/heard someone else do/say? My ex thought that Jackalopes were real. Also, a nurse I was doing rotations with apparently thought that "Witness Protection" was for Jehovah's Witnesses.

Hyperfixation song? Young Enough + Bleach by Charly Bliss

Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username? Profile pic; I'm transmasc and I'm currently obsessed with TriStamp. Username; It was my fake internet name when I was like 13. I won't change it because I want my mutuals to recognize me, and because I do have a viral post associated with this name.

Dream career as a child? Doctor (funnily enough I'm now in nursing school)

Dream career as an adult? Professional Jester. Not a comedian. I just want to be some weird little guy who dresses silly and you can hire me to roast your boss at work parties.

Thoughts on cilantro? Delicious

Have you ever been banned from a location and if so, why? I honestly can't remember? Probably... but in recent memory I've mainly banned people from places.

What is your cursed food combination? Pineapple on a hotdog with grilled onions. It Slaps.

Trans rights? TRANS RIGHTS

Tagging: @rocket-mankoi @mostlymarco @atleast8courics @jazzlike39 @gemsweater72 @limbobilbo @ameliaaltare @redcrane112 @theoneofwhomisblue @twinkenjoyer @theultimatecarp and anyone else who wants to jump on

[mj-ackerman]

Translation of Tatsuya Endo's Interview with Katsumaru: (You can read the original here X)

Katsumaru: My wife and child are both big fans of "Spy x Family", so they were both excited for me to be able to meet you today. Why did you choose the theme "Spy" in the first place?

Endo: I didn't have any particular desire to draw a spy story or something like that, but I had always liked military kinds of things and was interested in war related things, so when I combined those aspects with the theme of "lies", it naturally ended up as a spy story. However, I haven't seen many spy movies, and for movies like "007", I've only seen one or two of them.

Katsumaru: What? Really? The information about spies that appears in the story, even for someone like me who's been an avid follower of the genre, gives an impression that it's very well thought out. How on earth did you acquire such knowledge?

Endo: Most of it is from books. And then some of it is from documentary films and the likes. There was an old movie called "Shiri" (This is a 1999 Korean film), it's about the battle between North Korean Special Operation Forces and South Korean Intelligence Agency. I liked that very much.

Katsumaru: The setting, in which the husband, Loid, is a spy and the wife, Yor, is an assassin, reminded me of the movie "Mr & Mrs Smith"

Endo: When the series was just starting, I see that title being mentioned a lot in the comments, but to be honest I've never seen it before....(Laughs). I didn't have much time to prepare for the serialization, and since it's a comedy, I thought I didn't have to be that particular about the settings as I drew it. I incorporated the knowledge I had gained from books, but since it's still a manga, I kept the "No way, that's impossible" aspects to it.

Katsumaru: I think it has a really good balance between realistic depiction and entertainment. Spies are part of everyday life, and some of them even established a "fake family" as in "SPY X FAMILY". In reality, there are cases where married couples had been living together without realizing that their husbands are spies.

Endo: That balance is what I pay the most attention to. I guess you can say it's a process of determining the "minimum level of reality" in each scene.

Katsumaru: How concerned are you about the difference between "reality and manga", Endo-sensei?

Endo: This one is difficult. It's a case by case basis, but in manga, there are many parts where I can just go "let's fake the reality at this part for the time being". When you're working alone, you don't have time to do research about this or that fact. However, in anime, you have to create much more detailed settings, so there isn't much room to put on tricks. When the anime team would ask me "What would happen in this part?" I would often reply with "I'm sorry but I haven't thought about it yet...." (Laughs).

Katsumaru: Have you not strictly defined the scene or time period the story is set in yet?

Endo: I had the image of the period setting somewhere between the 1960s and 1970s. I'm trying to explore what I can do with the technologies in this era thinking "This technology might be possible". I also have softened the reality of things, such as the political form. The cold war between the East and West is also part of the motif, but if you just tell the readers that "it's a conflict of ideologies" , it won't make sense to them. So, I put it into a form that is easy to understand as a manga, there are also some parts that I, myself don't know about after all. Similarly, in the real world, for example, spies probably have very few horizontal connections, right? Like for security reasons. However, as a manga, in order to develop the story, it was necessary for me to depict conversations between spies. All the more that this is a comedy story, so it wouldn't work without conversation. It's difficult to find the right flavor between the two.

Katsumaru: It's pretty unique that you came up with the name "Dalc" which is similar to the name of the currency "Mark" (It's Deutsche Mark which is no longer in use since 2002) used in Germany.

Endo: It's actually a combination of "Mark" and "Dollar". I often use names of places and buildings that actually exist in real life. However, I have a pretty bad memory, so I often ask myself later "Where did I get the name of this place again?" (Laughs)

Katsumaru: Is there any expert historical research or supervision of intelligence agencies involved in this?

Endo: I basically think about all the detailed settings all by myself.

Katsumaru: Since the real-life aspects are well-constructed, I thought an expert in international politics was involved in supervising this.

Endo: There are also some readers who read too deep into the historical situation, but I didn't actually put much thought into the details in writing the story. This is just a fictional country called "Westalis and Ostania" after all.

Katsumaru: In "Spy x Family", there are some Russian-speaking names such as "Anya" and "Yuri" that appears, but spies in that country uses more analog method. For example, "flash contact", in which documents are handed over to another person as they pass each other, or a "drop dead", in which documents are hidden in an agreed-upon location and later picked up by a colleague. There is also a method for communication. Although this method is considered extremely inefficient, it is sometimes considered to be highly secure because it prevents interception of communications.

Endo: So there's still that kind of analogs even now huh? Now that technology has developed and everything is digitalized, I certainly think it's much safer now. In other countries, there are organization such as M16 (United Kingdom Secret Intelligence Service) and CIA (US Central Intelligence Agency), Japan also has organizations with such characteristics.

Katsumaru: The "Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department Public Security Bureau (Public Safety)", where I worked, is the counterintelligence arm of Japan. In "VIVANT" (It's a 2023 Japanese Drama), which I supervised, Hiroshi Abe and Ryo Ryusei are playing roles with these type of characters. We have obtained as collaborators people who have a lot of information and people who are in position to meet various people such as reporter.

The only problem was that we didn't have enough people. The CIA has a large number of subordinates under it's station chief, and a large budget. When I was temporary transfered to a Japanese embassy overseas, I was alone, my budget was limited, and I was also reponsible for issuing passports, so there is no doubt that working at an intelligence agency overseas with better environment had allowed me to concentrate more on my mission.

Endo: Do you hire locals overseas?

Katsumaru: There are times when we ask locals to work with us by paying them a reward. Or, we can ask them to connect us with people who has information. The Public Safety is very good at finding and training people who can bring good quality information and can do good work.

[pacentia]

Pairing: female human!reader x Homelander

Setting: somewhere post season 3

Synopsis: just a lil drabble about providing John the home and the family that he so desperately craved.

Tags: nsfw cause it's Homelander, sweetness, intimacy, love, Homelander has his kids, Homelander relaxes for once

Note: my boyfriend made me watch The Boys. Little did he know I was going to develop a pathological crush on a broken homicidal maniac ❤️

“Daddy, look!”

It was a simple word that John was never going to take for granted. A word that his super-hearing could pick out of a thousand voices from miles away. If any -fucking- one would ever dare lay a hand on his beautiful and pure daughter - John swore he was going to -

“John, get out of your head.” You smiled at your lover, America’s most powerful superhero, the man that you called your husband. He lounged on the patio of your spacious mansion in Long Island, American flag waving in the wind, overlooking the big green gated garden in which your baby girl Jane was playing and running around. At last, he was finally enjoying a day off from all of those idiot cocksuckers at Vought, his words.

John’s stoic face snapped into a broad smile, accompanied by a million micro-expressions when you joined from the kitchen, bringing freshly baked chocolate cookies into the scene. Honest to God, he had everything that his pained heart missed in front of him: a perfect wife, his son Ryan, and his baby Jane. The young girl’s eyes widened, and she ran like a speedster to the source of the smell.

“When your daughter asks you to look, you better look.” You grinned, placing a soft kiss on his unruly blond locks, taking a bite from one of your cookies. John grinned to himself, and reached out his strong arms to his daughter, inviting the girl in his arms. She didn’t hesitate to jump right in his lap. “Here, a flower for daddy.” Jane giggled, placing a pink flower in his blonde hair.

The combination of a pink flower decorating his hair, and the violent background that he possessed was quite a hilarious contrast. The Supe didn’t give two fucks about that, he’d let his daughter put a whole fucking flower crown on his head. Anything she wanted was law. Your children were incredibly spoiled, because John wanted everything for them that he’d never got to experience. He had a rocky start with Ryan, but John had learned patience in time, much against his own nature.

You weren’t related to Ryan in any way, but you knew what had happened 5 years ago when he first released his heat gaze. He went through traumatic stuff, and you were always there to comfort him. His dad taught him how to harness his growing powers over the years, but he was too shy to get introduced to the Seven and Vought and all that shit. Vought was a huge fan in pushing Ryan to follow in Homelander’s footsteps, to become the next commander of the Seven. However, John quickly realized that his son expressed little interest, so he zapped that idea down (much to his own pain).

To the outside world, Homelander was still the same heroic figure. To Vought, he was the same nightmare to deal with.

But you loved him.

All of him. All of his insecurities, his simultaneous God complex, his devious desires and his bloodlust. He was convinced that his kind was the master race, but you, a mere human, held a special place in his heart. You were his darling girl that was able to give him a home, and accepted him for the fucked up man that he was. He had already incinerated and executed people for you. It’s a way he showed his devotion to you.

And he’d do anything to keep that little princess in his arms safe, no matter the cost. Same with Ryan, and with you.

[cetaceacyberia]

even MORE sillies from @superxstarzz's classpect fusions!! this time with a wee bit of analysis below the cut because i have the evil homestuck autism that makes me go crazy about this stuff. also the reason these guys look freaky is because theyre a human+troll fusion

OKAY SO generally i imagine fusedtiers would naturally be far stronger than a regular tier, though not quite as strong as a master class, at least depending on the development of each. They are also, of course, far more specific in nature, leading to highly specialized roles. Anywho, here's my interpretation of the classes featured here. I'll probably end up doing more later. Apologies in advance for my wordiness. I know there's a lot of speculation about the role mages play, so I'll provide a brief explanation of how I interpret them first.

Mages, in my opinion, are the active counterpart to seers, being able to take the knowledge they gain through or recieve from their aspect and put it into action. For an example, a Mage of Space as is a component here would be able to take the knowlege of the behaviors of elements and atoms, and be able to manipulate them at their will, provided they know what they're doing, and it's physically possible, alongside being able to ascertain. This can be seen with Meulins ability to form relationships out of seemingly nothing and Sollux's pension for causing doomsday esque events (aradia, sgrub, the like)

Prophet of Design

Prophets, in my opinion, would take the prediction abilities of the seer and the active knowledge mages can use and be able to speak events into reality.

Prophets tend to be extremely high strung people. The suffering that comes with being a mage and the all-consuming knowledge that comes so easily to seers create a scenario in which it's very common for them to slip into anxiety about the events they cause. The butterfly effect, if you will. Prophets do not use their powers carelessly, each move is thought out and incredibly calculated. Prophets are, naturally, blindingly intelligent, being the fusion of the two knowing classes. This can manifest itself in many ways, though the shortcomings mages often experience in relation to their aspect can often cut down their confidence, leading to a prophet underestimating themselves constantly. Despite their anxious tendencies and low self-conciousness, prophets can also be very snarky and sarcastic, when not gleefully oversharing about whatever piques their interest at the moment.

Design would be the merging of the concepts of fate and inevitability with the universe, creation and physics. Design players have domain over the physical outcomes of things. Reactions, from chemical to physical, even quantum at a higher level, all of that is within the control of a Design player. So!! i think a Prophet of Design would be able to speak into reality the outcomes of reactions they create or observe. For example, prophet would be able to do something like say "when i take a step forward, I will actually be twelve feet ahead of where i would have been" and just have that shit happen. As they get stronger, their prophecies can becomem more long term and more drastic, from being able to speak into reality an event that will happen some time in the future to prediting events that might not even be physically possible normally. Beholder of Birth

A beholder, a class that combines the insane growth potential of a page and the mage's expansive knowledge to produce a role of one that is able to expotentially build on the knowledge they have of their aspect. To create entire knowledge trees given the smallest bit of information. From a basic fact to the most niche, minute detail, none of it can escape the gaze of a Beholder. A fully realized Beholder would know, quite literally, everything there is to know when it comes to their aspect, which can be an enormously vast amount when it comes to Space or Time players.

Beholders are natural detectives, though it never comes easy. It starts as the beholder starts to make connections, faint at first but with a sure sign there's something more. Often ones to second-guess their findings, but once they dig deeper, and their ideas are validated, there's nothing stopping a beholder from uncovering everything there is to know from that one initial spark. For lack of a better word, beholders are quirky people, kind but stubborn, and their ascenion often is hindered by that trait due to the help they might need at first. They might get knocked down easily at first, but are wickedly determined, and bounce back quickly and eagerly learn from their mistakes, often brute-forcing their way out of problems. Thanks to the manipulation of knowledge that comes with their Mage counterpart, rising the ranks is far easier for a Beholder than a Page, though roadblocks are to be expected with their headstrong attitude towards growth.

Birth is the merging of creation, physics and the universe with the mind, logic and raw information. I think these would blend into birth players being in control of the inception of very nearly anything. How exactly they can control this depends on the class, of course, but birth players hold the essence of creation in their very soul,

A Beholder of Birth would have the ability to hold an object and see everything that lead up to its creation, how it was created, and everything that happened to it. Not just objects either, but people and other living things. A fully realized Beholder of Birth could potentially have the full knowledge of everything that has ever happened in the universe, from before the big bang to the very end of it that was no doubt caused by the activation of SBURB and everything in between.

[forgeofthenine]

When you said you can't drink hot drinks rn because it's hot for a moment my dumb ass was like "huh, they're so into the characters, they're straight up writing from Elturel down in Avernus". And then I remembered the southern hemisphere exists....

Anyway as a countertenor, I wonder how the Bachelors would react to someone serenading them. And also how they'd feel about someone serenading them. (Also kind of about countertenors since a loooot of people are weirded out when hearing my low speaking voice and then very high singing voice, if that's not too ultraspecific...)

(Also also, I feel like E Lucevan Le Stelle from Puccini's "Tosca" is such a Zevlor song. Imagine you're getting closer to him, flirting here and there, then during the party getting close. You promise to see each other again. And then everything goes to shit. Now he is trapped in the pod, unsure how much longer he has, terrified of turning into a mindflayer any second now. And he thinks of you...)

These headcanons are a combination of the above request and the anonymous request 'I like to sing, I sing when I get the chance alone. Now I wonder how the three tiefling bachelors react to a singing love interest?'

As for the hot drink thing, this ask and the hot drink one came in after multiple days of 27/28 degrees Celsius as the daily high and I actually felt like I was in the hells lmao. Sometimes I also wonder if people can tell where in the southern hemisphere I'm from by the way I write...

The song you suggested is beautiful and absolutely gives big Zevlor energy, I recommend any Zevlor fans check it out on youtube :)

The bachelors with someone who sings

Dammon

There's nothing Dammon likes more than coming inside from his forge and hearing your singing filling the house

If you sing specifically to serenade him that's even better

Dammon loves to both praise you and be praised, and there's hardly higher praise than someone singing about their love to you

Blushes so much if you sing him a love song, flushes even more if you sing a song that has innuendos

He could honestly listen to it all day

I feel like when the two of you are having spring cleaning days around the house he'd ask if you wouldn't mind singing

It makes working inside so much more pleasant for him

When you're singing while doing stuff he'd absolutely join in, though I feel like his singing voice isn't bad but it isn't anything special either

Dammon just loves getting to hear your voice, especially if you happen to be singing

Zevlor

Please sing for this sad tiefling

He hardly knows what to do with himself when you serenade him

Zevlor loves it, but suddenly doesn't know how to stop his face from flushing or his tail from swishing

Absolutely gives you the sweetest kiss when you finish

It's such a treat for him to hear you sing, nevermind the fact your singing your love for him

He loves it

I feel like Zevlor is good at shanty style singing, the hellriders definitely used to sing while working or on long rides

Sometimes he still softly sings some of his old work songs

He'd absolutely melt if you decided to join in and sing with him

It soon becomes one of Zevlors favourite pastimes

Rolan

Rolan loves to hear you sing

Even better, he loves when he's the only one to hear you sing

For you, in private, to serenade him with a love song is almost too much for him to handle

He feels like his heart is going to burst with love for you

Just think of all the sweet things he murmurs between kissing you after you sing for him

But, such affections should be only in private

Speaking of in private, when it's just the two of you ask him to sing with you

Out of all three of these men he's definitely the best singer

His voice almost sounds magical-

Rolan will reluctantly agree to sing, and after a while would get much more into it

The type to lead you in a very simple dance while the two of you sing

Just a very affectionate boyfriend that loves hearing you sing

[hunter-sylvester]

Skullflower is Autistic: A Breakdown.

Buckle the fuck up.

Disclaimer: Don't take any of this too seriously.

Also all of this was written over a year ago with only minor edits. I'm just posting it now cause it's been rotting in my drafts and, like, fuck it.

I've wanted to try and make a comprehensive breakdown like this for a while just because I love these characters and very heavily interpret them all as autistic (with ADHD as well.) But this is just the perspective of one guy. And I probably overstate it but the fact that we can all have our own very personal interpretations about media is what's great about analysis & fandom.

Hunter Sylvester.

Yes I'm doing Hunter first, what do you think I am? Unbiased? Please.

Autistic Perfectionism. Hunter's autistic perfectionism is something I've mentioned before and somewhat struggle to describe satisfactorily. But to me the most obvious example is his inability to deal with the idea of Emily joining Skullfucker as a cellist. Obviously, there's the queer angle to this but I think two reasons can play a role at once. He's in love with Kevin so he doesn't want a girl that Kevin picked to be a part of their band. Additionally, I'd argue that he can't deal with the idea of having a girl cellist as their bass player because it in NO WAY fits the mental image that Hunter has in his mind of what he wanted Skullfucker to be. It doesn't match the perfect idea that he's dreamed of, that he holds onto for dear life, so he can't deal with it.

Hyperfixations. "Hunter's been into a lot of things since I've known him but he's stuck with metal longer than any of them." - Kevin. Need I say more? Well, I will anyway. The guy hyperfixates. I think the closest thing we have to a canon confirmed hyperfixation is Dungeons & Dragons. Because of what in my mind is a combination of Autism and ADHD in Hunter, they don't fully leave him. He still likes and plays D&D, but he's not as obsessed with it as he used to be when he made his dad buy him the most ridiculous game terrain that fucking lights up.

Special Interests. I think one of the easiest claims to make is that metal is a special interest for Hunter. He entrenches his entire life in it and reaches for it when a stressful situation happens to try and make himself feel more okay. (getting his hair cut off by Skip and relating his new look to Jason Newsted) It's clearly something that comforts him, having been obsessed with it ever since his mom left. Which, regardless of the specific circumstances, is a horridly stressful situation for any 12-13 year old.

Struggles with social interaction. He doesn't seem to have a lot of friends. He gets along with Robbie, Kevin (obviously) and the people he plays D&D with but that seems to be it. Especially whenever the situation gets very stressful, Hunter's mind immediately reaches for his comfort interest to try and make it through (or to lash out). He can't easily just be comfortable in a strange social situation. Or a strange situation in general.

Stims. Hunter stims by playing guitar. That's it, that's the whole point. And there's this little move:

Kevin Schlieb.

Neutrality. The way Kevin just takes Hunter and Emily as they are feels autistic to me.

Struggles with social interaction. And he clearly wants it to be easier for him. He wants to connect to people but he doesn't know how. It's not like he doesn't understand people. He does. He understands Hunter better than Hunter understands himself. "sometimes he's not so nice to people when he's uncomfortable" "You are afraid of everybody" "you treat everybody like shit and you make them hate you" But that understanding of how people think and work doesn't translate to his direct interactions with most of his peers. Maybe because he understands other neurodivergent people but not neurotypicals. The fact he does have a decent read on, at the very least, his best friend could also be indicative of the extra work Kevin has had to put in over the course of his life to try and understand people to begin with.

Directness. A lot of Kevin does feel direct to me. I suppose in a 'what you see is what you get' sort of way. He obviously has the whole protagonist thing going on which tends to end you up with pretty neutral, earnest and open characters.

Stims:

Emily Spector.

Gets overstimulated. Emily's outbursts could be attributed more to a struggle regulating her emotions. It's not a huge stretch to assume her mystery medication is a mood stabilizer. However, the idea of it being a combination of being overstimulated and then no longer being able to deal with her anger on top of the distress she's already feeling feels apt to me. This is a stretch, but, we only ever see her have outbursts at school. A nightmare environment for the stimuli sensitive. Emily is by far the character out of the main three we spend the least time with, which could easily explain my previous point away. We hardly see her out of school to begin with. But I think there can be merit in taking it as a part of the story, rather than an incidental effect of her being left by the wayside.

Black and white thinking. "So first you tell me that I should hate him, and now you want me to help him?" - Emily. No, he didn't say you should hate him, Emily. "You have every right to be mad- especially at Hunter!" - Kevin.

Directness. I mean she literally calls up Kevin to ask him if he wants to go fuck in a parking lot and more power to her. But it is very direct.

Struggles with social interaction. And apart from Skip & Co. having a particular hate-boner for Hunter, Emily might actually be the most widely ostracized for her lack of social finesse. Which would check out because society is brutally cruel to girls. Kevin is shown to have some positive interaction outside of the other two main characters, so is Hunter. And, yes, so is Emily. But it's only with the janitor of the school, who she is implied to have had previous interactions with. Having your only friend at school be the fucking janitor is not a neurotypical experience. I know I certainly got along easier with a handful of teachers than I did with my peers back when I was at school.

Whatever this is. Fam, I've BEEN there...but it's not neurotypical:

A 'little' note to end on: I want to state that I love all three of these character very dearly. I don't pretend that I don't have a favorite, but they are all amazing. There's various reasons why Metal Lords is such a comforting movie, but a big one, is that the characters act in a way that feels incredibly familiar. They act like me. They act like my autistic friends. We make weird facial expressions, we understand the world and each other through our interests. The way all of them talk feels so close to home. (The swearing is actually part of that. A lot of real people swear and over-censoring of that tends to bug me but that's kinda beside the point lmao)

[marchy-emmet]

The visual post to send when your friends don't believe Submas are autistic

Verrrrry much for fun, but also for education. Without further do, here's my physical graphic I worked on. :) It's much easier to explain this via funny pictures than it is to write an essay. [Yes, other people have done something similar to this -- but I wanna spice it up a bit!! Point out every single canon sign I can think of, and make a fun little graphic.]

I am also pretty passionate about the topic of autism as a whole-

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO.... LET'S BEGIN.

Adding onto this point, warden Ingo displays a wide lexicon that he hadn't previously shown in BW/BW2. If you take into account that other Hisuians [in the English version of the game] speak in almost the same way, Ingo's masking behavior becomes clearer.

This could be blamed on the abundance of dialogue he has in Legends Arceus compared to BW/BW2. But I could also see this being a masking behavior.

The implication that Ingo needs to be "proud" of his expressive tone says something in itself.

Standing in the middle of the battle may have been how the panel was drawn, but personally, I believe there's some ADHD/autism combination happenings....

NOW, AS FOR EMMET.... HE'S THE ONE THE FANDOM NOTICED MORE.

Aaaahhhh, this one is such a prominent feature that everyone noticed -- Emmet's shameless stim march.

Where is where my blog name comes from~

Don't make the mistake of portraying Emmet as rude "for the sake of it"! The behavior comes off as oblivious and clearly reads as autistic.

It's possible that Ingo does this as well -- but it's more prominent in Emmet!

He repeats this line quite a few times to passengers, as well as, "Follow the rules. Safe driving! Follow the schedule. Everybody smile! Check safety. Everything's ready! Aim for victory! All aboard!" and "I am Emmet" generally. He also may script, "What I do. What I say. Always the same."

Scripting is a vey common autistic behavior that helps us speak to others with less room for error.

AND LASTLY....

Their special interest is pretty obvious.

The two are reputable train conductors as well as the bosses of the battle subway. Ingo in particular uses regular train puns in his speech and is known to infodump about them passionately in Masters. Despite it having a reputation as a "stereotypical" special interest, it's real.

[coffincestuous]

the progress report!! #3

happy march 1st!! kit9’s third progress report dropped today with a special bonus from nemlei!!

firat things first, we have The Entity in the thumbnail!! are they a little bigger to anyone else..? just me? anyways, the lights are a fun addition to the demon/dream world. i’m sure this has no importance whatsoever (lying)

next, we have… this. our dear protagonists caught in a compromising position, oh no!! seriously, though. what are they doing here? were they going to fuck in the car? good for them!! they don’t look very pleased to be disturbed by whoever this is, or disturbed at all. hopefully this isn’t anyone they used to know.

here, we have… the chapter two decay route vision area. you know, the one where andrew is chasing down ashley to murder her or get murdered.

yeah, that one.

it’s very interesting that we come back here. i wonder if this is still the decay route? also, why are we only seeing andrew’s little pixel sprite here? is she on one of the other sections? is this her vision or andrew’s? it seems to me that it’s ashley’s, considering we’ve been here before, but who knows!! there’s an axe and a signpost missing, and the tone of this preview reads a whole lot differently than the vision did at the end of chapter two.

i wonder what has prompted ashley to ask andrew what he wants? i wonder if he’ll be honest? i wonder if this is an important moment, or if it’s just them fucking around? god, i’m SO excited

little andy spotted!! and mrs graves. she is clearly unhappy about something, and i’m thinking it has to do with leyley. doesn’t it always, when it comes to mrs. graves? my guess is that she’s asking him to keep her out of trouble, but it’s just a guess. we’ve seen before that he only curls up in a ball like this when he’s really upset (and still does it as an adult). poor thing.

here, we see andrew with the entity in the thumbnail area, with the lights and everything. shout out to the little darkened souls in the far corners of the picture. our dear andrew is trying to negotiate with the demon.

i think that this is a huge moment in the game and the plot going forward!! assuming this is the burial route, ashley’s been asked to bring him along, AND he has that hex mark on his hand!! this demon is going to steal his soul!! ashley’s gonna be mad.

this could potentially happen in the decay route, too. if we assume the earlier dream/vision sequence is decay, this could be decay. maybe he’s going to meet the entity on his own regardless of what happens with ashley. again, who knows!!

[id: a screenshot of steam. the text reads “Next Episode. From the work completed so far, this episode will be the longest yet. Even in its unfinished state, it is roughly the length of both previous episodes combined. / Once finished, this episode will be released as a major content update, and work on the final episode will begin. / It is still too soon to give any release dates.” end id.]

before, nemlei had said episode three will be split into two separate chapters (one for each route), but maybe this has changed!! the length is… beyond my expectations, truthfully!! it’s longer than both episode one and two combined. holy shit??? that’s So Much Content. i think i will officially be losing my mind upon its release, and even more so when the game is finished. omg!!!!!!

finally, we have THIS!!!!

thank you nemlei. she knows what her fans want to see :33

(i think i need to set this as my phone background or something. it’s SO CUTE!!! i don’t even know where to start expressing my absolute JOY with this image!!!)

[enquire]

Hello again! Dunno when you’ll be back online, but when you do return, could you tell me of any potential DRA ships you have? Additionally, do you plan to make them canon or ship-tease them in your pony AU?

Hello again! :D

I hope you're ready for an info dump because I have a lot of thoughts about class 79!

Ships... the age old question...

I'm honestly not the kind of person who gets heavily invested into a lot of ships. That being said, I do enjoy them a lot, especially when it involves a cast I am as attached to as class 79! And one of those handful of ships I am highly invested in is a DRA ship, lol. (It's Kinjomae... and to be honest, a really big part of my DRA special interest is filled by those two characters, and Utsuro, in general if not together)

Kinjo and Yuki tend to end up being with central roles in most of my DRA related thoughts, art, and writing, it just kind of sneaks in, regardless, somewhere.

I like interpreting them in a queer platonic or more ace-leaning relationship as well. Not always, but I've made a habit of it. So yeah they're going to have a relationship of some sort in this au too.

To specify, I am referring to DRA1 Yuki; I don't really ship the real Yuki and Tsurugi together. To me, they are two very distinct characters with different personalities from each other despite their similarities, not just memories... I won't get into all that (a post for another day perhaps) but in context of Kinjomae, only one of them is his Yuki, who knows and cares for him.

Exploring the relationship between Tsurugi and (actual) Yuki Maeda is still super interesting though, and I can understand why people ship it, there's loads of interesting places to go with it.

Also, I'm the kind of fan who can be swayed to accept almost any pairing or headcanon, especially in the context of the respective work (art/writing, etc) I really think it's possible to execute pretty much anything in a convincing manner if done well, and that applies to ships and stuff. Are there some ships and/or headcanons that give me the ick? Yup. Are there some I just don't like? Yeah. It just takes a lot for me to really get to a level where I hate something.

Uh, let's see... there are a few other ships I tend to immediately think of, even if I'm not as invested!

Ayame/Akane (may or may not be teased or explored in the pony au)

Satsuki/Haru (they'll probably be canon, I mean... it's satsuki and haru)

Rei/Teruya (I love their dynamic, regardless of the type of relationship they have)

Utsuro/Akane (they are super fascinating and it would feel remiss not to include this one in some manner)

I'm not sure yet what I'll do in this AU with everyone, we'll see. Including friend groups: I want to make more 'mane 6' type groups from the rest of the cast but I haven't finalized any of them besides the main one yet.

That's one of the things that makes me love class 79 so much; they feel very real to me, individually and how they all interact with each other. I'm invested in them as a group, and in all the little friendships and groups within the class. So I might spend more time thinking about them in terms of friendships and other relationships than pairings, except for Kinjo and Yuki of course.

My favorites of those are:

☀︎ haru, satsuki, and teruya

tsurugi, yamato, and mikako

teruya, tsurugi, and rei

best siblings yamato and mikako

the if only group: teruya, tsurugi, rei, yuki, akane, yamato, and mikako. (who also happen be most of the mane 6 for my pony au, and are my favorite characters along with Utsuro, pretty much.)

I love this cast a lot if you couldn't tell by now.

My least favorites are Mitch and Kizuna, though. I don't dislike them, but Kizuna in particular I am really neutral toward compared to everyone else.

I feel like I just... don't have a grasp on what kind of character she is at all? Her story in the game combined with her FTEs left me pretty conflicted about her. It feels like there were many opportunities to give more insight into her, but none of them worked for me.

I mean, we get to meet her mom, and even that didn't give me any more insight into her childhood or personality at all... which is kind of hard to ignore when the time we spend (or being told about via FTES) with Ando, Keisuke, Ryutaro, and Midori all give their respective family members more context and anchors we didn't have before. Plus the tiniest whiff of Juu we get speaks volumes for Tsurugi's upbringing, it is very easy to fill in the blanks.

As much as it is a tradition to hate on Mitch, I don't really hate him as a character: he works perfectly well for the kind of role he's meant to fill, (I mean, he's designed to be a case 1 killer first and foremost) and personally, I find it a lot easier to add layers to him than Kizuna because he has a base I can wrap my head around, unlike Kizuna, even if it is a really simple one.

Anyways...

As a bonus, here are some of my favorite rarepairs:

mitch/uehara

teruya/uehara

teruya/haru

almost any rei pairings (I usually pass on the very gloomy and incoming divorce vibes of tsurugi/rei though) maybe partially because I (personally) have difficulties seeing Tsurugi being in relationships with women. Sorry, but I can't undo it. He's just gay in my eyes. And/or ace and homoromantic.

I think that's the end of my thoughts for now. Thanks for prompting another ramble I appreciate it.

⋆⁺₊⋆ see ya later ! ⋆⁺₊⋆

[ftmtftm]

something i wanted to ask, genuinely, is if you think the labels transmisogyny/misandry and the way theyre used can really be helpful

i personally think they can be but with how so many ppl try to frame it as "exclusive" forms of oppression just doesnt help at all. yes, transmisogyny does mainly happen to trans women/fems, but a lot of ppl refuse to believe it could also happen to trans men/mascs. and i believe it can go the same way with transmisandry as ive seen multiple ppl describe wut it is and see how it could be applied to trans women/fems. and that doesnt even acknowledge intersex ppl, whether theyre trans or not. i feel like labeling it in specific ways to say "this is an intersection of oppression" without going "this is an exclusive experience" is beneficial to all sides, but ppl try to gatekeep with labels like "tma" and "tme" and so on. its like saying a gay guy cant call themself a dyke bc "youre not a lesbian and therefore u cant reclaim that slur" even if theyve been called a dyke before. it really just feels like the labels of transmisogyny and transmisandry is used as a way to fuel the fires of oppression olympics by saying that "if ur a trans man u experience less oppression than a trans woman." and it seems to be mainly fueled by the idea of "woman (oppressed) + trans (oppressed) = really oppressed" whereas "man (not oppressed) + trans (oppressed) = not as oppressed" when its nothing like that.

its also incredibly hard to find Any information about transmisandry. i always see "trans men just have it/pass easier" and even other transphobic statements of how going on T makes trans men more aggressive and assertive. i feel like tumblr has been the only place ive seen any genuine discussion about transmisandry and even then its not great or very informative.

i believe that both transmisandry and transmisogyny should be acknowledged as real forms of oppression rather than being used as a way to oppress ppl further.

i dont wish to cause an argument as these r just my thoughts and i genuinely want to hear yours on it too

So the TL;DR my opinion sort of boils down to "Yes, I think they can be incredibly useful terms when used with intention and clarity of purpose" but there's a lot of nuance to that opinion. Basically though - I mostly agree with you on a conceptual level anon. I just wanted to write an essay.

(and also I don't fully address some things in this ask because frankly I'm burnt out and don't want to talk about them at the moment and I made this blog to talk about my special interests anyway. Sue me ‪¯\_(ツ)_/¯‬)

Something I've been noticing in my reading of Intersectional/trans-inclusive Feminist literature, combined with my engagement with trans activism, over the last few years is: We're all very, very afraid of talking about sexism right now and it absolutely makes sense why.

It makes sense because the conversation has been ground to dirt by TERFs constantly yelling about "sex-based oppression" as a means to be transmisogynist and degrade the womanhood of trans women. However the response to this has been deeply flawed in my opinion.

Instead of actually addressing sexism as it's own distinct form of oppression under an Intersectional lense, we've simply made a hard left into only discussing gender informed oppression and only legitimizing gender informed oppression in the form of misogyny. It's a very uninformed response in my opinion actually - but that also makes sense because it's currently very hard to be informed on general feminist theory and politics at the moment because Radical Feminism is a fucking plague.

In reality though, sexism and misogyny are two different forms of oppression that often overlap because gender and sex are different classes of identity that often overlap.

This degradation of language - both from TERFs conflating sex and gender and from Intersectionals/progressives separating the two so hard they don't even acknowledge sex - is what I think is part of the cause of this problem that is leaving trans men / trans mascs with a massive hole in our ability to discuss our experiences. And not just trans men either!!! It's also nonbinary and intersex people as well who are harmed by this void.

So that begs the question: How do we actually talk about sexism in an Intersectional Feminist, trans inclusive, capacity that combats Radical Feminist rhetoric on sexism?

And the answer? Is carefully, consciously, and in a manner that is aware of several different experiences within the nebulous concept of female identity.

I will actually be using the word "female" as a term a decent amount throughout this post. For the sake of this discussion I am defining "female" as anyone anyone who presently identifies as female due to their assigned sex as well as anyone who is socially treated/viewed as female due to their gender, legal, and/or medical statuses. In this post "female" is an umbrella term that includes cis women, trans men, trans women, nonbinary people, and intersex people who feel that definition applies to them in relation to their sex.

Because the fact of the matter is that Patriarchy and our society at large hate women and they hate people who are assigned female and they hate people who are female and those are distinct categories of people with a lot of overlap and a lot of differences.

Female identity is like venn diagram of sex informed experiences that cis women, trans women, trans men, nonbinary people, and intersex people all have a place in for various different reasons. It's a diverse category of experiences and this should be a touchstone for solidarity, not division in my opinion. The experiences and needs of one group don't inherently negate the experiences and needs of another similar group, even if they conflict, you know?

It's a concept I've actually adopted from disability activists, who often talk about the ways in which disability activism often has to address conflicting needs because sometimes some disabled people's needs are in direct conflict with each other!! Conflicting needs are not something unique to disability activism though.

Most groups and classes people have conflicting needs within themselves and I think there's a lot to be learned in gendered activism from disability activists in this regard. I think often in activist discussions a lot of people stop when situations stop impacting them directly instead of trying to find commonality and empathy with similar experiences. It's easy to have knee jerk reactions, it's harder to pause and contemplate.

So, let's actually contemplate transmisogyny and transandrophobia/transmisandry as terms for a moment.

Transmisogyny was coined as a term by Julia Serano in 2007 in her book The Whipping Girl and I do think it's incredibly useful for describing the ways in which transphobia (the broader oppression of trans individuals) intersects with misogyny (the broader oppression of women) in specific ways wrapped up into a specific term.

I've engaged in a lot of criticism of The Whipping Girl because, well, I think for just about every excellent idea Serano posits about the trans feminine experience she undercuts it with White Feminist rhetoric and simple "cis men and women are opposites therefore trans men and women are opposites" type rhetoric that harms her arguments more than helps them. HOWEVER! Serano herself even articulates that misogyny and transphobia may intersect in ways that impact nonbinary and trans masculine individuals differently from trans feminine individuals, and that additional language may be required to fill that gap in The Whipping Girl!!

So now there's a bit of a linguistically philosophical discussion to be had here on the function of language and what language we can actually use to fill the hole trans men experience with our language - which is also where we dive back into talking about concepts like conflicting needs and sexism.

When creating terminology (or jargon), one must take into account several things like clarity and context, which is why personally - I do not like the term "transmisandry" at all. I use it as a tag because I know some people prefer it as a term and I'd like my posts to reach that audience as well. Generally speaking though - I think any inclusion of "misandry" as a term will always be a nonstarter in most discussions on gender. It's much too loaded of a word because of it's association with the misogynistic actions of MRAs among several other semantic reasons.

An argument could, I think, be made for a term like "transsexism" which would describe the intersection of transphobia (the broader oppression of trans individuals) and sexism (the broader oppression of female individuals) but I think that is still too broad if we want to talk about trans masculine experiences specifically. (Though I do still think it may have contextual use as a term quite frankly - that's just beyond the scope of this post).

So? Then we come to transandrophobia and a conversation on misogynistic, sexist responses to masculinity in people society forcibly identified as "female women" under patriarchy.

I want to state that off the bat that I take a lot of issue with the way people dismiss trans men's experiences as just "general transphobia" or "default transphobia" because... Why are you automatically treating a man's experiences as the universal default? Especially when there are things based on the intersection of his manhood and marginalization that he experiences that women of the same marginalization don't?

I have this issue with most other conversations about the intersection of marginalized identity and manhood honestly. It actually really reeks of unconscious misogynist bias to me. But I digress, that's not the subject of this post.

I think a lot about Brandon Teena and the motivations for his murder. I think a lot about Lou Sullivan's diary entries about his loneliness and isolation with regard to being around trans women and lesbians - as well as his history fighting for his right to medical transition. I think about P. Carl's musings about the ways in which his entire community abandoned him once he came out as a trans man as opposed to a lesbian woman. I think about Irreversible Damage by Abigal Shrier and the way she manipulated - if I'm remembering correctly - YouTuber, Chase Ross into misleading interviews that skewed his words and stories to attempt to "prove" her points about how "our girls" are being manipulated into transgenderism via social contagion spread through platforms like YouTube.

I think about the ways in which trans mascs - particularly those on HRT - actively avoid medical care because of the deeply gendered nature of gynecological care and also because we are treated like medical freaks and abominations when we do try to seek that care. I think about the ways our bodies are inherently, deeply impacted by the overturning of Roe V. Wade and how our decisions to not carry children via abortion or hysterectomy - or our desire to carry children - are met with the phenomenon of medical misogyny like any other woman or female individual but in a way that also explicitly intersects with our transness.

I think about the ways in which Patriarchal society sees my "female" body in direct opposition to my identity as a "man" and how that is something that needs to be "corrected" back into "female womanhood" via rape and assault. I think about my own corrective assault a lot. I think about how the 2015 National Trans Survey actually found higher self reported instances with sexual assault in trans men than in trans women. I think about how I personally see that as a touchstone of solidarity with my lesbian siblings and especially with my other butch siblings who also have their expressions of masculinity treated as deviancy that deserves corrective action.

I apologize for diverting into less of an academic musing into prose and also for diverging from the subject of this ask directly into a much larger essay - but I am simply so tired of trying to say that I and other trans masculine people are people worthy of having our own language for our own experiences instead of just being dismissed as a privileged class - quite literally on the basis of our own oppression.

Especially when people use the words of someone like Julia Serano to say we don't deserve that language when she herself posited that maybe we should have it. Especially when Kimberlé Crenshaw - the woman who created the theory of Intersectionality that Serano is attempting to engage with in The Whipping Girl - has stated that one of the goals of Intersectionality is to create language for and give voice to marginalized identities that otherwise are not given language and voice.

So - What do you call it when trans masculine people are explicitly targeted on the basis of their trans masculinity? What do you call that intersection of sexism, misogyny, and transphobia that misgenders and attacks trans masculinity explicitly? Because that isn't "general transphobia" - that is transphobia motivated by a Patriarchal desire for control over the broader "female identity" that society is seeing as "too masculine".

It's trans-andro-phobia. Transphobia targeted at a particular group of trans individuals on the basis of their masculinity in a way that intersects with a sexist, misogynist, Patriarchal desire to control perceived/forced female identity and the subsequent interpersonal and social ramifications that come alongside that systemic abuse.

Focus, intention, and clarity of purpose.

---

I do want to add that there is absolutely something to be said about the fact that these conversations are all extremely White at the moment.

Radical Feminism is a deeply White (and White Supremacist) movement. Conversations on Trans Feminist theory in general are still deeply White as well. Julia Serano is very much a White Trans Feminist, and as such most responses to her work by other White trans people tend to be, well, very White.

I myself am even contributing to the prevalence of Whiteness in the conversation because even though I am Ashkenazi I am also still White. I might be informed by and am actively using concepts formed by Black Women and Ethnic Minority Women as the basis of my own theories, but that doesn't erase the context of my own race in this conversation either.

I really do not want that to be lost upon people, especially other White people. A racialized context matters in this conversation because Race and Gender really cannot be fully separated from each other in conversations about power and systemic oppression.

Bonus TL;DR - Read The Will to Change and Feminism is for Everybody by bell hooks. Read Audre Lorde. Read Kimberlé Crenshaw. Read Leslie Feinberg and Judith Butler. Read María Lugones. Learn the concepts they are presenting and then also learn how to apply those concepts in a consciousness and self aware manner.

[maespri]

your turn to die chapter 2 deaths ranked by how painful they were (and why)

CRAZY ASS TITLE AGAIN. i know. hear me out. this post is kind of an addition to this post i made ranking all the deaths in YTTD, but it focuses only on the "game over" deaths that occur in chapter two of the game. because... i watched a video on it, and jesus there were a lot. and i wanted to analyze it all again!

as usual, spoilers ahead, and TRIGGER WARNING that this post will be going in-depth on the deaths and the nature and science behind them. it gets gory and detailed. if that will be too upsetting to read, please keep scrolling!

let's get into it!

if you haven't read my other post, some backstory: i have a special interest in anatomy & physiology, and i find it interesting to analyze these deaths and try to work through and understand exactly how they occurred.

each death/"game over" is named after the attractions/circumstance under which they occur. then i'll go into specifics. some of these were difficult to analyze due to the fact that it wasn't totally clear what happened, but i did my best!

quick glossary: exsanguination: severe blood loss asphyxia(tion)/hypoxia: inadequate oxygen supply to the body artery: vital blood vessel carrying blood out of the heart and to other vital tissues/organs spinal cord: cord that carries nerve signals from brain to body and vice versa pneumothorax: condition occurring when no oxygen can enter the lung(s), resulting in the organ shutting down hypovolemic: loss of fluid in the body, often referring to blood or water shock: life-threatening condition where the body does not have enough blood circulating through it TBI: traumatic brain injury cerebral: relating to the brain hemorrhage: bleeding necrosis: cell/tissue death neurotransmitter: chemicals that allow neurons to communicate with each other throughout the body

most painful:

stay on target:

sara and her partner get eaten alive. that sounds painful upon first hearing it, and it only gets worse when you consider what that actually means. for starters, sara and her partner are alive for every bite until the end of their death, where the mouth spits out their blood.

getting chewed alive would be excruciating. necrosis occurs as the bones, muscles, and nerves sitting in the lower limbs get crushed into mush, and as it moves further up the body, it worsens. until the spinal cord is severed (and even then, there's no certainty it actually would be severed; whether or not that occurs depends on the strength of the bite and the angle), they'll feel every bit of that pain. and if the spinal cord is cut, they'll only stop feeling pain everywhere beneath wherever that part is severed. for example, if sara's spinal cord snaps around her thoracic vertebrae (basically the middle discs of the spine), she'll stop feeling pain from the mid-back down- but if it doesn't snap again above that? she'll keep feeling it, if that makes sense.

so... overall, i think this would be one of the worst deaths. just imagine getting crushed over and over and over again.

-> official cause of death: likely shock, and/or fatal TBI from the brain getting crunched last

hide and seek:

this one was really interesting to analyze. judging by the blood splatter, it seems sara was slashed with a scythe around the right shoulder/lung. which... i hope i don't have to explain why that would hurt like hell. namely because she would likely still be alive for at least some amount of time and in terrible pain until the damage to her torso results in death.

irreparable damage to her lung combined with exsanguination would result in death here. the axillary artery sits around the armpit, meaning a hit to that area would most certainly result in the huge amount of blood we see staining the wall behind sara. and once that artery is hit, and in such a severe way... yeah, it's over.

-> official cause of death: hypovolemic shock due to exsanguination + pneumothorax leading to fatal shock

fly swatter:

so... this one was kind of insane?

my friend and i did some research for this one as well as suspended some disbelief and decided the answer that made the most sense given the characters appearances is that the flies literally chewed through their scalps and into their brains. there are actual flies in the world that can bite, but not to this extent, so it makes more sense that asunaro would have created these flies specifically for the death game and given them abilities.

there is also the possibility they were stung, but the amount of blood streaming down their faces, in my opinion, makes me think they were actually eaten. i also think this because if gin is your partner in this game, there will be holes in his hoodie implying the flies chewed through them (not pictured, apologies).

anyway, in this case... having your brain get eaten from your scalp... um. that would suck! pretty bad! you'd likely be terrified, thrashing around, and have intense pain in your head while your brain literally gets eaten. while, fun fact, the brain itself can't feel any pain, everything surrounding it can. i think this is just a nightmare scenario all around.

-> official cause of death: cerebral hemorrhaging/TBI.

quick draw:

in this death, sara gets impaled by a sword. its unclear exactly where the sword impales her, but it is obviously somewhere in the torso. the exact positioning actually does vastly change the amount of pain.

if the sword impales sara through her lower torso, it'll certainly pass through her intestines. potentially the pancreas and/or kidney(s). if it does hit her here, she'd be in pain for a long time; the organs of the lower abdomen are not as vital as the organs of the upper torso such as the heart and lungs, so... she'd basically be lying there, in horrible pain, bleeding out for some time. also, the conus medullaris (where the spinal cord essentially "ends") lies in the lower back often above the lumbar vertebrae. a direct hit there would result not in loss of sensation as spinal cord severing often does, but instead in severe back pain alongside other painful symptoms.

my point is- it would hurt. bad.

if the sword impaled sara's upper torso, she'd still be in pain, but for a far shorter time. the blade would pierce the heart/lungs, and, being in the center of sara's back, likely result in a complete spinal cord injury and cut off all sensation below that. she'd be unconscious due to shock within a few seconds, and total brain death would occur soon after.

i also want to note that there is blood on the blade above sara's body, which means the blade was inserted very quickly and resulted in her blood splattering upward over it. all this really means is the damage was even more extensive.

-> official cause of death: exsanguination, shock

painful:

spirit shutter:

this death occurs from sara getting choked to death. the first hand that appears on her is the one wrapped around her neck. the others fade in to hold her down, with one even covering her nose/mouth to make it even harder for her to breathe.

i think this death is painful especially from a standpoint of pure fear. being held down, choked to death, unable to do anything, is a horrifying concept in and of itself. add to that the fact that there all these other hands covering your face and grabbing you as well, and it's all just. awful.

choking occurs from the crushing of the windpipe which doesn't allow for adequate oxygen supply. overall, terrifying and painful.

-> official cause of death: cerebral hypoxia.

arm-wrestling:

this death was. disgusting to think about in-depth!

i think the thumb/forefinger of the red hands are digging into the eyes of sara and her partner. first of all, jesus, that hurts. ultimately, i believe their heads are just squeezed until they explode.

it's difficult for me to consider the science behind that considering that, in real life, it is impossible to crush a 17-year-old and late-20s-year-old's live human head with one hand. but it would definitely be incredibly painful. first the skull starts cracking and splintering, then it closes in on the brain, just... eugh.

the fact that their deaths appear to be mostly instant, however, shown by a single flash of red before the screen cuts to black, makes me think this death is less painful than the others, at least. it's very quick, at the very least.

-> official cause of death: fatal TBI.

charge card battle:

in this death, a giant blue beam crashes into sara. while i have no way of knowing what exactly that beam is made up of, it's likely some very strong volt of electricity.

the wound on sara's chest, the blood splatter behind her, and the cracked wall implies the beam was powerful enough to cut all the way through her skin, muscle, bone, and organs and break the wall behind her.

what's interesting here is that sara is killed immediately upon impact, but keiji has enough strength to lean to the left slightly toward her (shown by his outline not making the blood outline behind him) and tell sara he's sorry, an apology which sara is not alive to hear nor respond to.

i think this would be incredibly painful for what i hope are obvious reasons. a fiery electric beam cutting through your body would result in blinding, burning, pain for at least a few seconds before leading to death. however, i put it lower because the death is almost instant.

-> official cause of death: exsanguination, blunt-force trauma to the entire body

"least" painful:

runaway-minecart:

i would argue this is the least painful death out of any in this post, because it is instant. there's no time to feel pain. they're just dead. getting crushed by a giant boulder? you're just nothing. dead instantly because the brain gets crushed.

-> official cause of death: TBI.

white gas:

this death occurs if you fail to help shin hack the security system in time. a white gas floods the room, sara says she "can't breathe," and the "game over" appears. i'm uncertain what kind of gas is thrown into the room; some sort of advanced poison gas. most poison gases cause terrible symptoms and pain for a long time in victims, but because sara seems to be affected and presumably die instantly, i'd guess it's some sort of specific concoction conjured up by asunaro.

either way, the fact that it kills her so quickly makes this one of the least painful deaths.

-> official cause of death: asphyxiation due to poisonous gas.

poison door:

this death occurs if you input the wrong number into the door. something pricks sara's finger and presumably injects a poison into her bloodstream.

poison works by unleashing neurotoxins, cytotoxins, and hemotoxins into the body, all of which affect the nervous system, cells, and the blood respectively. all of these can have adverse effects on the body which ultimately lead to the destruction of nerves and result in paralysis, seizure, and death.

in sara's case, she was likely injected with a very fast-acting poison. my guess would be a high dose of cyanide. cyanide interferes with cellular respiration, which causes cell necrosis and essentially results in the body's tissue being unable to use oxygen.

cyanide poisoning very quickly results in a loss of consciousness, which is also shown through sara passing out practically instantly. so even if she were to continue to have symptoms (such as seizure- which i would guess would be unlikely, given she would likely be dead before any would begin), she wouldn't feel it.

that's why this falls under one of the least painful deaths.

-> official cause of death: cell necrosis -> hypoxia.

uncertain:

i was unsure about how this death worked.

memory dance:

this one was very confusing to me. the death scene begins with white ropes wrapping around sara's arms and legs, keeping her in place; then, a curved woosh of something white crashes into her. the screen goes red, and this is the final thing shown. at first, i thought maybe she was hit by a large blunt object whilst being restrained, and that it killed her upon impact.

but the weird thing about this image is sara's stance. she can't be hanging from something because her arms are at her sides, not up, meaning her body is relaxed. but if she isn't hanging, that means she's standing up... despite being dead?

i really have no idea what to clock this death as. something obviously hit her and killed her, but i don't know what it was or where it hit. i'm also confused on the way she's standing. i could very well just be stupid though, so if someone else has an explanation, please do enlighten me. lmfao.

bonuses!

i wanted to touch on the hallucination-related "game overs," of which there are two. while they technically aren't deaths, i still think they're really interesting to talk about from a psychological/neurological standpoint. this might just be mostly mindless rambling, fair warning... but, whatever. here are my thoughts.

if you use the hallucination machine three times:

before i get into this, i'm really gonna need you to suspend some disbelief for this game. modern medicine isn't at a point yet where we can ultra-specifically cherry-pick memories to remove. i'm aware of that. i'll try to explain how this might work, anyway.

if sara uses the hallucination removal machine three times, joe will essentially appear to be "eaten away" by sara's psyche. sara appears to have become addicted to the machine, begging to be allowed to use it one more time. safalin uses this to her advantage, stating that if sara obeys her, the machine will be her "reward."

while it is impossible to pick and choose specific events or people to remove from your memory in modern medicine- as far as i know...- this is still interesting to me for a few reasons.

the first reason being that it illustrates how unstable sara's state of mind has gotten. she wants to keep using the machine, no longer out of a desire to forget joe- she already did that, it was shown- but solely because it's the only thing bringing her peace anymore.

so why does overusing the machine result in a bad ending- and if sara has forgotten joe, why is she still addicted to the machine?

countless neurotransmitters are responsible for memory formation, but i want to hone in on glutamate, acetylcholine, and serotonin.

glutamate is heavily involved in long-term memory. a decrease of this neurotransmitter can result in memory loss, alongside a myriad of other unfortunate symptoms.

acetycholine helps organize working memory into long-term memory. cholinergic neurons (nerve cells in which acetycholine works) innervate the hippocampus (the part of the brain where your memories are stored), and aid the formation of episodic memory (your memories of specific events) as well as semantic memory (your long-term, basic, memory, such as numbers, words, and concepts).

serotonin has a few ways of aiding memory, but one of its most vital functions is its construction of neural pathways which allow you to learn new information more quickly.

with that in mind, if i had to assign an actual science to the hallucination removal machine, i would imagine it works by:

impacting the hippocampus in some very specific way, to where it only impacts sara's memory of joe

or, somehow decreasing the level of glutamate, acetylcholine, and serotonin in the brain.

for the first two hallucination removals, maybe a minimal or safe amount of each neurotransmitter was removed. just enough to make sara forget about joe enough to calm down again.

but repeated depletion of these neurotransmitters would cause immense problems. i also want to point out that sara appears to struggle a lot with anxiety in chapter two due to the hallucinations, and anxiety is thought to be related to inadequate amounts of serotonin. my point there is that she was (obviously) already struggling before ever using the machine.

so by the third time sara uses it, something in her brain must snap. too much has been taken out, whether that be because safalin manipulates the machine to remove more than necessary, or just because sara's body has truly hit its limit.

this makes sara physically weak. each of the previously mentioned neurotransmitters affect the memory, but they also play a vital role in your body's basic functioning all throughout the body.

what makes sara mentally weak is dopamine.

dopamine is the feel-good neurotransmitter; it makes you relaxed and satisfied. every time sara uses the hallucination machine, she's flooded with dopamine; she gets to forget about all the pain of remembering joe. that feels amazing.

most likely, she came to associate the hallucination-removal machine with dopamine release, and in a situation where dopamine release would otherwise be incredibly minimal (not much satisfaction to be gained out of watching everyone around you die and lie and fight), the hallucination machine would be a godsend.

my point here is that sara basically became addicted to the machine because it became her only solace.

so combine her now-physical weakness with her addiction to the dopamine she gets out of the hallucination machine, and she gets this ending where she fully submits to safalin under the condition that she gets to keep using the machine.

so... that's my messy explanation there!

reaching maximum hallucination level:

if you reach a hallucination level of 130, sara will essentially lose her mind. she'll see a version of herself walking up to joe during his death scene with a knife in hand, which she ultimately plunges into his neck. after this, she screams, it cuts to black, and there's a "game over."

this entire ending is the embodiment of sara's self-blame as well as her desire for control.

when it comes to loss, the first person people tend to blame is themself. for sara, this is because she actually does blame herself for not being able to do more to save joe's life. but it is also because she felt powerless both in the death game and during joe's death. she clicked over and over and it led to nothing. by blaming herself for joe's death, she gets to maintain some control over it, even if she wishes it never happened to begin with. that control brings her some subconscious sense of sick comfort.

her self-blame and guilt for joe's death, despite not actually being her fault, causes her to conjure up this manifestation of her own internal struggle in the form of a hallucination of joe.

it's very realistic for sara to try to avoid thinking of joe during chapter two. i believe sara develops PTSD after witnessing joe's traumatic death in chapter one. memory loss is very common in PTSD and is a defense mechanism by the brain.

but sara doesn't forget joe entirely; she just tries not to think about him. unfortunately, she's triggered by certain things around her that force her to remember him. however, she can no longer conjure up good memories of joe; only able to think about the fact that he's dead. with no other concrete figure to blame, she blames herself.

psychologically speaking... no, you can't die of "losing your mind." but grief, PTSD, and trauma can result in physical symptoms. for example, a heart attack, which most certainly can kill you.

but in this ending, i don't think sara actually dies. her last words are just her laughing. i think she kind of just... loses it. and that makes sense.

i think the reason this ending happens, and the reason sara sees herself killing joe, is because her mind is no longer able to understand why joe died. so it makes something up.

she sees all these things that remind her that joe was alive once. every time we see something that reminds us of someone else, we think, "that reminds me of this person" -> "that makes me feel [sad] [happy] [mad]" -> "anyway..." and move on.

but sara's brain instantly jumps to extremes. she goes from "this reminds me of joe" to a very blunt "oh, joe is dead" to the question of "why is joe dead?"

and instead of thinking logically- "joe is dead because he got unlucky and drew the sacrifice card. joe is dead because he got kidnapped and put into this death game. joe is dead because miley told the wrigglers to drain his blood."

sara can't compute that. she sees hallucination joe blaming her. just goes straight to, "joe must be dead because of something i did."

in psychology, this is a very common way of thinking in children. they aren't old enough to understand that the world doesn't revolve around them, so they think everything that happens happens because of them.

in sara's case, she seems to kind of regress back into that way of thinking, even if it is only in relation to joe.

so after being reminded of joe so many times and going through this cycle of thinking, her mind gets tired of trying to sort between real and fake memories of joe's death and just solidifies itself on one side of the story.

sara's brain basically decides, sure, we killed joe. it's easier if we believe we killed joe. here's how you did it, too. you took a knife and plunged it into his neck. there, now it's definitely your fault.

which totally backfires for sara, who has now completely lost it. there's no line between real and not real for her anymore. anything she convinces herself she's done, she believes.

so that's how that ending works, in my opinion.

that's it!

as always, if i got something wrong or if you have any thoughts of your own, please do correct me or share with me! i'm not a professional, just insane.

thank you for reading!!