#this is why Homestuck is superior

[charlesoberonn]

So many animated shows have such great female character designs full of color and personality and then the men are just... that sure is an average middle-class American male in jeans and t-shirt.

[kitkat-the-muffin]

It’s hard to find fellow Homestucks in the wild so I’m just slowly converting everyone I know into the religion

I went to the Apple Store and opened every display phone to the front page of the official Homestuck website

I convinced someone to help me do it. Now they’re reading the Unofficial Collection. We got one, boys

[therealmuppetjoker]

GREETINGS, HOMOSAPIENS.

No, that can't be right. That sounds so... obsolete. Let's try this again, shall we?

SALUTATIONS, MY FELLOW MEN AND NONBINARIES.

Welcome to my blog. I go by many names, including Kermit, Mr. Kermit, The Joker, The Muppet Joker, The Croaker, The Clown Prince of Crime, Dark Muppet, Mr. The Frog, and The Real Muppet Joker.

I am a Muppet Joker kintype. All of his kins have been inherited as my own sub-kins, and these include:

Main: Kermit and the Joker (obviously)

Secondary: Bro Strider from Homestuck and Adam from the Bible

I DO NOT KIN VRISKA SERKET FROM HOMESTUCK. Unlike my, shall we say, "predecessor," I have read Homestuck all the way through without sullying my moral values. I would never kin a woman.

I am also aware (spoilers incoming) that Dirk Strider is a h*rse lover. I choose to believe that Bro would never fucking associate with those things and saw the error of his ways early in his mental development, which is why I kin Bro and not Dirk.

Now... where were we? Heh.

FAQ:

Are you the original Muppet Joker?

No. I am a Muppet Joker kintype. My history begins to differ from the "original" Muppet Joker's when he starts kinning Vriska Serket. Since that point in our history, I have developed separately as a distinct entity.

What makes you the "real" Muppet Joker?

Because I am superior to the original one. I have read all the way through Homestuck, but I did not become a feminist. This gives me all rights to The Muppet Joker identity.

Are you single?

No. I am in a closed Relationship with Kermit and the Joker.

Why are you an anti-feminist?

If you don't know why, you might as well leave right now. This blog is not for Outsiders of the Men's Rights Movement.

DNI:

Other Kermit/Joker kintypes

Other Muppet Joker kintypes

South Park fans

All females/girls/women

Anyone who uses Biblical imagery in non-Biblical fandom content, or anyone who talks about "Biblically accurate angels" as a meme. My past/culture is NOT your aesthetic.

Shifting antis

Equine furries/otherkin. It reminds me of my kin trauma.

Sans Undertale (including AU's) kintypes - also kin trauma.

"Neurotypicals"

Bigots

People who use the rainbow flag. The rainbow is ONLY for God and Kermit the Frog. (I myself use the MLM flag, which is blue and green.)

People who don't think we need stricter gun safety laws

Parents

Pro-choice

Pro-life

People who identify with the color royal purple. It's MINE.

Potterheads

If you have ever been on the Bachelor

[gaslightgatekeepgirlbosscombat]

Group C, Round 4, Poll 1:

Propaganda under the cut

Dahlia Hawthorne

she lived. faked her own kidnapping and killed multiple people in unrelated situations. was executed. got her spirit channelled. tried to kill even more people as revenge

Girlypop has done a shit ton of manipulation, committed at least four murders (even one from the grave!) A man’s eaten glass for her, another’s knowingly drank poison. She also puts on the “Weak little girl” act to get away with it all

she is literally THE gaslight gatekeep girlbosser ever. don't wanna spoil anything but like. she is the definition of the words,

At 14, Dahlia arranged a staged kidnapping (in order to attain a Very High ransom from her wealthy father) with a guy she'd seduced, her stepsister Valerie, and her twin sister Iris (who chickened out) that purposefully landed the guy in jail for her supposed murder. Five years later, the guy broke out of jail and Dahlia framed him for the murder of Valerie (which she committed) and when this truth was exposed in court, the guy killed himself rather than break the promise they'd made to believe in each other no matter what. A few months later, she poisoned one of the attorneys involved in that case (putting him into a years-long coma instead of killing him) and got away with it by planting the evidence on a guy she just met by convincing him she'd fallen in love with him at first sight. She then guilted Iris into pretending to be her while dating the guy for the next several months, which culminated in her attempting to murder him, only to then try to frame him for the murder of one of her exes instead (which she also committed). She didn't get away with this one because superior girlboss (her cousin Mia) exposed her plot and Dahlia was executed for it a few years later, but she continued to GGG from beyond the grave. While she was still alive, Dahlia and her also-incarcerated but not on death row mother planned to murder the head of their clan (Maya, the younger sister of Mia) so that Dahlia's younger half sister (Pearl) could take Maya's place as head of their clan; Dahlia was also doing this because in the interim, Mia had been murdered by someone else, and Dahlia decided the best way to get revenge on her after her death was to kill the person she loved most. The mother and daughter schemed to write to Pearl (who was only about 9 at the time) and convinced her to channel Dahlia after her execution without telling her why (their family has the ability to channel the spirits of the dead, and they cannot remember what their bodies do during the time they're possessed) so that Dahlia could use her little sister's body to kill the head of the family, who Pearl loved very much. They also guilted Iris into working with them on this. The attempt failed because she girlbossed too close to the sun (a combination of her still-living ex, Maya, the channeled Mia, and the now-awake guy she'd poisoned) but she still GGG-ed all her life and even into her death (she also managed to get Mia & Maya's mom killed in the process and the coma guy (who Mia was in love with) convicted for it, but Maya lived so ultimately a failure). Throughout all this, she gives off an air of innocence and kindness and naivete, wearing white, high femme clothes, convincing the men inside and outside of the legal courts that she couldn't possibly do anything because she's just a sweet little girl. I fucking hate her <3 the vibes are both rancid and terrifying

Vriska Serket

It’s Vriska baby!

it's vriska

not only manipulates people the traditional way but also literally has mind control powers.

she manipulates her disabled friend constantly and is the reason why hes disabled in the first place. she is constantly telling lies and half truths to make sure she has all the cards in every possible situation. she does basically everything by herself and turns on others if they dont follow her lead and dies multiple times in her struggle for the spotlight, her one true goal. she has an eyepatch and a robot arm. she gets all the women. ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!

shes girlbosses her way into SOOOOOOOO MANY other competitions AND WON!!!!!!!! and like okay yea, she mostly won bc some of them were rigged but also shes just like that lol shes got a whole lotta lucky 8r8ks >:::;)

[sadevergreen]

as a camp counselor (technically not currently bc i went home for Illness) and homestuck fan (also technically not currently bc I'm too busy being a camp counselor) i love camp skaia. which homestuck characters are most likely to be the "we're ALL sick there's no reason you can't do the hike up the hill" (has mild cold and vague heatsickness at worst) counselor x "actual lung infection but thinks it's a really normal cold" (very easily gaslit) counselor program group pair? i feel like eridan and kanaya are hot contenders here

ooo ok this is so good- apologies for the ever loving hell that you are about to see but i sought assistance from my dear dear pale friend @marv3l-drag0ns !!!!!!!! MUAH PLATONICALLLY <> ILY they were a huge help in putting this together

BOY DO I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ON THIS, THIS WAS EXTREMELY FUN :D

so let’s begin: my immediate instinct was kanaya and tavros are the most easily gaslit, or adhere most to given direction (we’re not going to talk about HIM). but then who to pair them with? they are both wet cats that won’t work. we decided that YES kanaya and eridan definitely make sense! but in which role? it may seem obvious but NO! eridan too sick? whiny fussy pitiful sopping kitty he’s just a beanbag full of milk! so we decided barely sick eridan, otherwise he’d be throwing a fit. instead he’s referring to his Superior Genes! and kanaya is. strugglin. but fuck man here we are 🤷‍♂️

But we’re not done yet!

the next we considered was karkat and terezi!! especially aided through the lens of karkat’s old crush on terezi; he’s too whipped and in denial to deny a girl a hand!

this led to possibly the funniest thing ever: THE INNER KANKRI THAT EVERYONE HAS AND HE SITS ON YOUR SHOULDER AND REMINDS YOU TO BE DECENT AND LEAVE ROOM FOR KANKRI

for the bigger drawings i capped it off with a good ol favorite of mine; erifef. why did i like them? man idek anymore but it worked really well with the idea of eridan being the sicker one, but being ok such thin ice over his constant whining that he just has to go along with it we just though it was funny hehe. it can be viewed through any lens! snippy or non, s’all good here! it’s all canon.

what is he was sick and he couldn’t whine 🥺 what is he was sick and he wasn’t allowed even a snivle about it 🥺 not a snort 🥺 or a sob 🥺 he’s so pathetic !!!! besides, he can’t be out paced by some fuckin kids!!!! HES A GROWN ADULT 16-18 Y/O CAMP COUNSELOR GODDAMNIT!!

MARVEL: “Feferi: ah yes your sickness you have a functioning immune system and are the most dramatic guy on planet earth (only one of those statements is true)” which statement? :) yeah

she doesn’t believe him anymore <333

Ok and that is it for full line art doodles, but!!! i couldn’t resist drawing some more pairs we pondered

ERIDAN AND KARKAT: omfg so good!! but they would 100% either both be tooooo sick and dead, or they would both be mostly fine

VRISKA AND TAVROS: no. and you know why we’re not doing this one :,( we all instantly knew this one would be here but we are choosing to ignore it im favor of…

TAVROS AND KARKAT: Marvel proposed it and it was very interesting!! i think similar to eridan and karkat, where they’re both dead or both barely sick. no i’m between. aggressive yet positive motivation (?) for the win!!! they further proposed that karkat “eats dirt for a living and doesn’t get sick very often”

Overall this was really fun to put together and answer, and i had a blast getting to colab with a mutual along the way :3 so thank you anon and thank you marvel!! this does bring me to something i’ve been meaning to say,,.,,,

@marv3l-drag0ns ,,? we’ve been friends forever, you know my dogs middle name, we complete each other in a way no one else can! you stop me from eating bones i find on the road, and i stop you from ascending to godtier to avoid going to exams…,…

would you be my

Moirail? <>

anyways! that’s all for now <3 this was so fun :) please send in more asks/ requests like this if you ever think of any more! i definitely feel for the camp counselor piece cause that was me earlier this summer PFF and all the counselors got sick and passed something around (but hey! it was an excuse to sit away from 7 y/olds for a few minutes while i got tea for my sore throat)

[mmmmalo]

Do you have any thoughts on what's up with hussie obsession with combining established characters in the latter half of the comic? Davepeta, Jasprose, Lord English, all the rest of the alpha kid sprites? If that goes towards a discussion of Ultimate Selves, why is the most complete version of yourself someone who isnt even solely you anymore? Love your analysis!

Hello, welcome! Here's a couple approaches:

Sprites, like other alt-selves, can serve the elaboration of self-loathing: Characters want to be happy and are very scared that they are incapable of being happy. Seeing a version of themselves that achieved happiness by integrating another person can be a nightmare, seemingly confirming that misery is a defining feature of their existence. AR mocks Dirk in these terms, leveraging both his alleged supercomputer brain and his integration of Equius to make Dirk feel inferior, intrinsically lacking. Though in Vriska's case, the lack of modification on (Vriska) was also infuriating: their sameness meant that Vriska was not, as she likes to claim, the way she is entirely out of necessity. Alternate selves have a way of making people question themselves, mingled or no.

Sprites provoke an audience response: fans get angry when characters are diluted, be that through prototyping sprites or through "mischaracterization", flanderization, or other unpopular modes of personality change. Rose might call this protecting the brand. So you could allege, as the guys on HMTW occasionally do, that this gesture of defying brand integrity is calculated to raise reader engagement by corrupting a quality of the narrative that readers are invested in. It's a method of trolling.

It's a race-mixing joke: The word "miscegenation" (which replaced the earlier “amalgamation”) was originally coined in an ostensibly abolitionist pamphlet by pro-slavery agents. Their goal was to weaken the Lincoln election campaign by provoking a fear that gene-mixing was the explicit goal of the abolitionists, claiming in the pamphlet that race-mixing created a superior class of being. Insofar as Homestuck is a parody of racist rhetoric, the claim that the Ultimate Self (and the Ultimate Frog) is the product of the endless recombination of divergent selves seems downstream of this sort of sexualized racial fear-mongering -- Rose's ascension (ie her dilution) in the Epilogues plays into this by casting Kanaya as the impotent white cuck against Dirk's black stud: "Hes Going To Take Good Care Of Rose; Probably Much Better Than Id Ever Be Able To" is euphemism for sexual potency. (Cuck jokes have followed Kanaya since her early chatlogs: recall the phrase "Watching Oblong Meat Products Tumble Into Places They Dont Belong") Saturating the narrative with distraught reactions to more abstracted amalgamation serves the story's racial subtext

This isn't by any means exhaustive -- abstract fears of mixing and merging can also be applied to coitus, pregnancy, the blurring of masculine and feminine, etc. The narrative achieves its density and sense of abstraction by applying itself to multiple motifs at once, I tend to think. The different approaches can euphemize one another

[crappy-homestuck-confessions]

some ppl in this fandom will get mad about how transmasc headcanons are pushed instead of transfem ones, which i understand. i get that the transfem headcanons have more canonistic backing sometimes, and it can be frustrating to see them pushed to the side. however.

my sister in sassacre, why are you using the exact kinds of justifications that transphobic people use to disparaging ALL trans headcanons, to discredit transmasc headcanons. it's silly

'oh but egbert can't be tmasc, they wouldn't have figured it out that young' ok but it's fun. 'dave can't be tmasc, bro would be transphobic' ok but it's fun.

certain homestuck bloggers seem to claim a moral superiority over the rest of the fandom because they have better headcanons or something. it's kind of second hand embarrassing

.

[its-to-the-death]

Glasses Swag Sequel Round 1

Time to start the tournament! Here is our bracket:

I can tell some of these are going to be crazy already. The matchups are randomized so blame the computer if you don't like them. The pictures are always a little small first round, but the matchups will also be listed below the cut of this post. Once the polls are out, they'll link to their designated poll.

Just for the first round, I'm going to split the polls across two days. The first batch will be out on Wednesday, June 5 and the second batch will be out Thursday, June 6. All polls run for a week.

Propaganda is always welcome and I will reblog anything that has at least a little explanation as to why your glasses character is superior.

Be nice and have fun!

Wednesday, June 5 polls

Adrian Andrews (Ace Attorney) vs Sniper/Mick Mundy (Team Fortress 2)

Kristopher Gavin (Ace Attorney) vs Doppo Kunikida (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Peter Spankoffski (Nerdy Prudes Must Die) vs Stanley Pines (Gravity Falls)

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew (The Muppets) vs Maria Calavera (RWBY)

Stanford Pines (Gravity Falls) vs Waldo (Where's Waldo)

Medic/Ludwig (Team Fortress 2) vs Seymour Krelborn (Little Shop of Horrors)

Specs/Glasses (Splatoon manga/Coroika) vs Odile (In Stars and Time)

Tech (Star Wars: The Bad Batch) vs Garnet (Steven Universe)

Klaus Baudelaire (A Series of Unfortunate Events) vs Dr. Newton Geiszler (Pacific Rim)

Ibara Saegusa (Ensemble Stars!!) vs Dirk Strider (Homestuck)

Lilith Clawthorne (The Owl House) vs Kei Tsukishima (Haikyuu)

Tedd Verres (El Goonish Shive) vs Liu Sang (Daomu Biji)

Trisana Chandler (Circle of Magic by Tamora Pierce) vs Jackson Jekyll (Monster High)

Yakou Furio (Master Detective Archives: Raincode) vs Baizhu (Genshin Impact)

Tsumugi Aoba (Ensemble Stars!!) vs Simon Petrikov (Adventure Time)

Edward Nygma/The Riddler (DC) vs Chuckie Finster (Rugrats)

Thursday, June 6 polls

Lawrence Fletcher (Phineas and Fern) vs Sissel (Ghost Trick)

Dave Strider (Homestuck) vs Tenya Iida (My Hero Academia)

Sadness (Inside Out) vs Coco Adel (RWBY)

Kim Kitsuragi (Disco Elysium) vs Austin Powers (Austin Powers)

Miles Edgeworth (Ace Attorney) vs Tomi Kisaragi (13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim)

Shen Wei (Guardian) vs Geordi La Forge (Star Trek: The Next Generation)

Johnny Bravo (Johnny Bravo) vs The Tenth Doctor (Doctor Who)

Mizu (Blue Eye Samurai) vs Lil Hal/Autoresponder (Homestuck)

Gendo Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion) vs Taylor Hebert/Skitter (Worm/Parahumans)

Colress (Pokemon) vs Sci-Twi (My Little Pony: Equestria Girls)

Halara Nightmare (Master Detective Archives: Raincode) vs Bedman/Romeo (Guilty Gear)

Riz Gukgak (Dimension 20: Fantasy High) vs Newton Pulsifer (Good Omens)

Jason Grace (Heroes of Olympus) vs Xianyun (Genshin Impact)

Qifrey (Witch Hat Atelier) vs Palamedes Sextus (The Locked Tomb)

Gideon Nav (The Locked Tomb) vs Calvin's dad (Calvin and Hobbes)

Cricket (Wings of Fire) vs Agatha Heterodyne (Girl Genius)

[best-transgender-character]

Is all the characters being from Homestuck literal or a joke? (Genuine question, not upset. Just need clarification because that could really be either)

I'm breaking character in this post, for the only time. If you don't want the joke explained, don't keep reading.

Questions:

Is this a joke/rigged? Yes. Submissions were not taken into account, every poll of round one was drafted long before submissions closed. I had the list of competitors and the match-ups planned before I even made the blog. This was the plan all along. The competition was rigged from the very beginning.

Is this a real competition? Yes! I will be running polls with the characters in the match-ups. We will have a winner. It is still a real competition, and I encourage you to participate if you want, and reblog/vote and send propaganda.

Will you be running a different competition afterwards (with the real submissions)? No. This is the only competition I'm going to run. If you stick around only because you think there's going to be a different competition than this one, you'll be disappointed.

Why is X included? Why wasn't Z included? At the end of the day, the choice to exclude certain characters was a personal one. I'm no-longer going to be giving public reasoning for choices I've made including or excluding characters. You can DM me if you're genuinely concerned or curious.

Will you post the submissions? No, not publicly. If someone with prior competition experience wants to run the competition, they can reach out and I'll likely share the data with them.

Surely you don't actually expect us to believe it was all Homestuck submissions? No, I absolutely don't expect that. The absurdity is part of the joke. If you see my other posts insisting that the match-ups accurately reflect the submissions, that's because those posts are in-character.

Why did you do this? Mostly to see how people would react. The original inspiration for it came from the way Homestuck characters are sometimes over-represented in Tumblr competitions, as well as the way people get really mad about Homestuck characters in these competitions. The joke is that every single Homestuck character is transgender, and that these characters are superior to every other transgender character in media. The original thought process was something along the lines of, "You could submit every single Homestuck character to a poll like this."

Complaints:

I feel cheated that my character didn't get in!/I put so much work into my submission! The reality of these competitions is that most characters do not get in. If you're upset that your submission didn't make it, you're likely part of one of two groups. Either your character is less popular, and therefore wouldn't make the poll anyway, or your character is incredibly popular, in which case they've been included in countless identical polls already. When you submit a character, there's no guarantee that they'll make it. You do so voluntarily, with the knowledge that it's only a chance. If this is genuinely distressing to you, you may want to reconsider how you interact with online polls.

You're transphobic! I'm transgender, and I don't feel that this joke is at the expense of transgender people. Even if you do feel that this joke mocks the transgender community, I think it is healthy and good to be able to take the piss out of ourselves from time to time.

I was hoping to discover new transgender representation! This blog never claimed to be about transgender representation, and explicitly did not preference canonicity. However, if you're looking for interesting transgender characters, I have a webcomic in mind that you might find interesting.

This isn't funny. That's okay, the joke wasn't for you.

[ID: Anonymous asked "You could say we got trolled." End ID]

Credits:

Thank you to @hsrips for the promo and image edits.

Thank you to my friends for laughing with me.

Thank you to the people spreading the polls and rooting for the characters, especially the people getting really into the more niche characters.

And most of all, thank you to the people who originally reblogged the post, who were here before the round one announcement, who submitted a huge amount of characters, and who got really upset at me. This joke relied so heavily on you, and I appreciate it a lot.

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

Okay, yeah... I thought so...

Replies screenshot from my add to this post this post that I accidentally found through an email notification of an @ that you'll see didn't even scan on my tumblr radar on a reblog chain I couldn't add on to again because I blocked OP (good ♥).

This attempt at an @ is still hilarious by the way like OP was so afraid of me she blocked me I literally couldn't fucking hear or responded to any of what you little shits were saying ...

@poutyrootveggie @duncebento @specialmouse Whoaaaaaaa you little mediocre weebshit abled-bodied special needs dunces! I was so shocked that the last tough guy @ from the miku simp with the tumblr badges literally didn't scan and I only found out about this from opening my email and clicking the blog notes!

Yeah, I know you abled-bodied little shits wish god nuked you half as much as she nuked me since you're begging not to be perceived as feeling anything in your legs since you wanna be a vegetable that bad so you can have access to your weeby little comfort items and Mickey D's toys forever because you're never gonna grow up and get laid and I know you're gonna understand this as much as I understand tiktok memes because back in my day it was a Beelzebub Song but let me teach y'all's lil' steven universe sour cream studio ghibli guzzling wannabe misgendering unwashed surfer brah asses about something called hyperbole and sarcasm and metaphor and what a real dramatic "queer reading" means : It means I know and I don't care and if you want me to be nit picky about it y'all are too special needs to even mind your spelling...

And in this context means no disrespect but sometimes I wish I had as much the privilege and confidence as a low support needs abled-bodied autistic on social media explaining a thing about their Fandumb Oppression Olympics to be able to get away with typing like that much of a high support needs retarded version of myself while pretending to be that shocked by what a woman in a wheelchair is saying while causally misgendering her while I don't have any OCD regarding using any sort of punctuation while I'm doing that so abled bodies don't think I'm retarded, because I'm an abled-bodied autistic that can get away with doing the best impression of a retarded version of myself because I'm quirky brah it's not that deep but this lady who I just called "dude" and I have no idea how she feels about that doesn't Know Her Memes TM and that's what matters.

Not that a bunch of abled-bodied autistic weebs are trying to gang up on an actually disabled wheelchair user right now over what again, essentially amounts to a fandumb superiority/bully complex bigger than the weebs on Big Bang Theory and again, essentially started over Spoopynatch dishorse,,,,,

Because when abled-bodied autistics talk like that online or irl itssamememario but if my wheelchair bound arse ever did that in front of an older abled-bodied authority figure or anyone abled-bodied really...! Nitwit school. Special Needs Programing. 9PM curfew stuck in a group home.

Anyway, Homestuck ended years ago go lobotomize yourselves with a sharpy collective hallucination style if you wanna unlive that angy abt it!

Was shit like this why I'm getting so many new followers? Thanks but no thanks kidz go listen to your bops! ;) ♥

Have fun being stuck in your little tenderqueer fandumb mode forever because you made sure Hazbin is my last one but at least I'm a recovering Disney Adult using her Vivzietine patch instead of a little shit gen z otaku who's so spoiled I can get away with pretending to be more brain damaged than I actually am!! ;) ♥ X.O

(But oh, before I go @poutyrootveggie ...

"#ITS A MEME ABOUT PEOPLES UNNECECARY DOGSHIT HELP #I NEED THIS TO BE SATIRE" .. You mean a bunch of unnecessary dog shit like..? A bunch of weebs and apparent Homestuck and Supernatural fans trying to collectively dogpile on a Hazbin Hotel fan sharing on a fandumb post on fandumb website tungle.hel when they try to scold you about wishing you were doing s satire when they don't understand hyperbole and you wish that this abled bodied shit autistic with a Miku plushie for an icon and tumblr badges was a satire in and of themselves but deep down you know they're seriously pathetic enough to think, again that, causally misgendering and harassing a wheelchair bound woman for barking too loud about their own Special Interest Demon Discourse TM on a post made by a person with the studio ghibli cat TM as their icon talking about their demon shit rusty nail show discourse cause they're loser who liked that dog shit in the first place and I know I have far superior taste than any of ya so don't fucking @ me again... You think any of this cyberbully shit when I was just minding my own damn business and didn't even @ OP sharing sharing my fandom story fandumb story on a fandumb post on a fandumb website makes you look like the good ones? You mean pulling some "unnecessary dog shit" on me like that?

Well, jokes on you hon...This Hellhounds second bite fueled by Kesha's Cotten Candy bit down so hard on that lil' pussy OP got so scared of me that they blocked me back, meaning I couldn't even fucking hear you when you tried to @ me to stir shit up again and hows this for a final anime showdown? I'm pulling a Hatsune Miku putting my headphones back on so I won't be able to fucking hear you again.. You abled-bodied-wannabe-tard! LA! LA LA!`~ ♥

You want my silence? Pay me for it!

[yandere-monoma]

Im reading kill your ego right now and ill admit im a bit biased because John and Roxy are my favorites of all the human kids but I just have to know your thoughts on John Lalonde!!

HEHEHE don't tell the others but john lalonde might be my favorite of the kye kids hehehe

my DARLING little dark academia boyo. it's especially fun thinking about him at the moment because i'm in the middle of a homestuck reread with some friends and it's really reminding me of all the similarities between john and rose in the early acts. the way they both misrepresent and resent their parents for the interests they share (or don't share) and the way they try and avoid their dumb lame parents and all their lovey dovey shit

so it's fun taking john and giving something really to complain about and avoid. we take away the self-loathing and (psychotic) depression/chucklevoodoo influence that the egberts are cursed with and we replace it with a superiority complex and a whole lot of pretentiousness. john lalonde is an incredibly proud academic and scholar and you WILL know that he's an intellectual if it's the LAST THING HE DOES!!!

now, john's main problem with mom, as we'll see later in the fic, isn't that he thinks she's being passive aggressive with him, because i think that is honestly a very rose-specific result of her capacity to overthink. he's just honestly disappointed with her. as with all of the lalondes, john goes through the parentification that mom lowkey pushes all of her kids through by neglecting them emotionally, and he takes it pretty hard. he's overwhelmed by the endless attention, he's walking on tiptoes because he never knows when some new ridiculous thing is going to happen, and he can't even get space because who KNOWS what will happen to her and the house if he tries to stay away for an entire week???? and because he's so combative, he's incredibly loud and open about how it's affecting him. he is ready to trauma dump within a moment's notice about his mom's alcoholism, his mom's love bombing, his mom's flaws in general

though of course, he doesnt have any, no, he's perfect 🥰 HE does everything right its just everyone else thats wrong!!! and that's another point of conflict between him and everyone. his mom is into science and fantasy and literature, sure, but not the RIGHT kinds, because john's into the right kind and everyone should be into sci fi like he is, duh. both he and rose actually dabble in different types of reading and writing in this verse, but clearly HE'S the literary genius since HE reads all the good smart books while she reads a whole lot of dumb books that only horny nerd girls like 🙄 and he clearly sees jade and dave as on a lower level to him and takes every chance he can to try and 'assist' them because they're too dumb and naive to take care of themselves. lucky them, though, because they actually get to be kids, and he wants to protect their innocence just as much as he wants to protect his own status and reputation

so! at the end of the day, he's pretty much a rich boy who had to grow up too fast and is incredibly bitter of that fact, but he won't let that bitterness get in the way of all the interests and people he's so incredibly passionate about. i think john egbert is kinda aimless in a lot of ways (like we don't even really know what he wants to do when he grows up) and while i don't think john lalonde has decided a career just yet, he's someone who is constantly working on some sort of creative project for himself and can easily imagine himself in quite a few different paths for life. i think he's full of love and the capacity for empathy but struggles to access it as he drowns in his frustration over the life he feels trapped in. he's incredibly sensitive which is why we see him flying off the handle so often because he's got such a delicate little ego that feels threatened so often (god does johnny have npd i think he does rip)

and i think he dearly dearly dearly loves his mother as every lalonde child does (not that he openly shows it, which of course he's going to regret with EVERYTHING he has) and he will utterly be in PIECES when she dies. he's a mama's boy through and through but he doesn't want to come across as one, he wants people to see him as a respectable and independent bachelor but he doesn't want to show weakness either. he wants to be a leader (because his mom is a leader!!) but honestly he's still the pushover we know and love and he's constantly at the whims of his mother, especially physically, because he's such a cute lil proper boy haha i always imagine him with like cute styled hair and stiff lil preppy outfits and thin wiry glasses (if he even wears glasses, i love the thought of him getting pushed into either wearing contacts or fully just already having some bonkers corrective surgery done on him already)

and hes SUCH A CUTIEEEEEEEE I CANT WAIT TO SHOW HIM OFF MORE WHEEEEEEE

[ethecookednoodle]

Imma be honest, I wasn't sure if I was gonna do a post about my classpect choices for my TrigunxHomestuck AU but I kept rereading Homestuck and started thinking about things and thought "why the hell not?"

Also @stuck-in-the-ghost-zone and @anachronistic-falsehood tags kept going around my head since I saw them, so this is partially because your tags were very nice thank u guys <3

All that being said, this is just gonna cover Vash and Knives because turns out tired as shit me has a lot to say and no self control so I wrote a lot and if I got into why I made Meryl and Wolfwood's classpects what they are in my AU this was gonna be way too damn long, so I'm cutting it.

Anyway, whole ass essay under the keep reading. Keep in mind I wrote this last night when I was very tired and with a raging headache (still haven't recovered from that) so this might be a bit ✨dramatic✨(and also a bit of a character analysis because, like I said, I had a lot to say but not a lot of self control.)

To begin with, I guess the reason I put Knives and Vash as the Lord of Time and Muse of Space respectively has to do with the fact that they remind me of Calliope and Caliborn for obvious reasons. They're twins of an alien species which, while not extinct per se, they're very much alone since either the other members of their species are not quite like them or, in Calliope and Caliborn's case, they are the only one's of their species in a good, universe-sized radius, among other things I’ll get to later.

But aside from that there's the fact that…I don't really see, or can't see, Vash as a Hope player. Like, sure, he's all about hope and believing in a bright future but Hope players have a very black and white way of thinking (see: Eridan and Jake). And Vash doesn’t really see things that way, he's very much aware that there are layers to the issues between humans and plants, but his insistence doesn't just come from a blind hope that maybe things will work themselves out if he believes hard enough. His insistence comes from the fact that he has spent a good amount of his 150 years of life going around No Man's Land and realizing that yes, humans are stupid and can hurt others just for the sake of hurting people, but the vast majority of them that hurt people do it because they've been cornered and are really out of options in the department of survival (see: Wolfwood, Rosa, and pretty much any petty bandit, since they’re not really out for murder but out for fucking money because they gotta eat), and that even if there are people who go out of their way to hurt others for funsies, there's just as much people out there willing to help others out (Meryl, Luida, Brad (even if he’s a prick at the beginning), Rem). It's all about circumstances and Vash knows this, he just acts dumb as a coping mechanism. Him believing things can work out comes from a place of tribute towards Rem and the knowledge that there is a way things can get better as long as it is given the time and space to be worked on (pun not intended). His vision is nuanced and his feelings towards what his brother does are complicated because he knows he has a reason to act the way he does.

Knives either knows there are layers and doesn't care or he hasn't let himself think about them, because otherwise it would shatter his idea that there's only one true ultimate villain (humanity) that must be defeated in order to attain peace, which the latter is what probably goes through his mind. And this is oversimplifying his point of view, because his disregard of human issues come from the fear of seeing Tesla's body all fucked up by humans on a relatively peaceful environment and thinking that if he doesn’t do something quick they might be next, or more specifically, that Vash will be next. If anything, Knives actually fits better as a Hope player than Vash does. He believes plants to be superior and humans the trash of creation, and thus, he must do what’s right in order to protect what he loves. It might also be because all of the Hope players we see also have this…weird way of seeing themselves as the greatest heroes in their fucked-up/stupid stories, and also because two of them are big, self absorbed assholes. Even Jake is his own kind of self absorbed asshole. One would argue that could be said of Vriska and Meenah as well, but the difference is that they actually have ground to stand on. They say they’re the shit not just for the sake of saying it, they can actually back up that claim. What I’m trying to say is that Knives sees himself as a savior to his species while failing to see that in the process he’s hurting the one person he swore to protect while also subjecting the plants and his brother to become a means to producing his “paradise”, essentially enslaving them, just as humans would have done. And if he does see it, then he justifies it by saying “there’s no other way.” Which, to be honest, reminds me a lot of Eridan in the sense that he, as the Prince of Hope, decided all hopes of beating Jack and bringing back their people were lost, so he decided to destroy the matriorb and go on a murderous rampage. It’s a very “all or nothing” mentality, which is exactly what happens with Knives. He fails to see (or decides no to see) the layers and the nuance of the situation and refuses to listen to any kind of argument against his belief. Because, let’s be real for a hot second here, when was the last time Knives really tried to hear Vash out instead of brushing him off and telling him he’s being delusional/he’s sick and needs to wake up? And by the time he actually listens to Vash when they’re flying up into space, it’s in this high-stress, very emotional moment because he’s trying not to blow a city up. But I digress. 

All that being said, I don’t really think the Hope aspect fits Knives either. 

The reason I think Time and Space fit the twins so much is because of the fact that the aspects seem to encompass the rest to some extent. They’re, to quote the wiki, “the two basic fabrics of reality” which means that without them, nothing else can exist. It’s why every successful Sburb session needs to have a Time and Space player. And if you think about it, it makes sense. For example, Space seems to be similar to the Hope aspect in the sense that their players have a very strong hold on their beliefs, they also resemble the Light aspect because their players also seem to be very knowledgeable (to some extent, i.e: the messages in the clouds in Skia and how Space players seemed to be the ones that paid the most attention to them) about stuff other aspects are not, and of course, it also has a strong relationship with the Life aspect, since it’s the Space player’s duty to breed and care for the frog that will eventually become the new universe in which life will proliferate (and not to mention, all space players have been somewhat related to life, with Jade being a botanist, Kanaya and Porrim being in charge of bringing back trollkind and Calliope being fascinated by the lives of other beings (i.e: trolls and humans) in general, despite her kind being extremely asocial). And the same can be said of the Time aspect: it’s related to death, this of course being a direct relation to the Doom aspect, the Time and Heart aspect seem to share this ability to become splintered (one with time loops and the other via soul splinters), and even though it’s more of a reach, you could say Time and Rage have relation because of the fact that both seem to be related to destruction (although the instances we’ve seen the aspect being used are by destructive classes, that’s why I say it’s more of a reach). I put very specific things as examples, but with the exception of the life and death thing (and maybe the Heart aspect thing), I think the things the Time and Space aspects encompass of other aspects are on a spectrum, and may even vary from player to player.

Obviously, all of the above is more my personal speculation than anything else, but that aside, now that I finally got to the point in my re-read of Homestuck where I’m reacquainted enough with Calliope that I understand why I think her and Vash are similar. And wouldn’t you guess it, it has to do with the fact that they were hoping for their brothers to change. Like, to be fair, in Calliope’s case, she was straight-up lying to herself, but again, to be fair, this stemmed from the fact that she had hope the game would help them understand each other and…well, you can see where I’m going with this. Vash hoped his brother would change, even if deep down he knew he wouldn’t, or at the very least, he wouldn’t change without things going south first. And it wasn’t until things started to go very south where they, both Calliope (the version that overpowered Caliborn) and Vash decided it was enough and sprung into action. I am well aware that the brother thing can also be applied to Knives and to his situation, but you get what I’m saying. 

If I wanted to go through the Caliborn and Knives comparison, then I would point out that Knives, as far as I can tell, was never squeamish about killing (at least not after the Tesla incident), and sees it as something necessary in order to make sure his plans come to fruition. That being said, I think the other thing I would point out is how driven he is. To quote the wiki yet again, Time players “value action over passive acceptance” and “tend to value the destination over the journey”, and what is Knives if not someone with a huge drive to make his dreams of a peaceful paradise for him, his brother and the rest of his kind come true, even it comes at the expense of the human race and the happiness, free will and general freedom of his brother and his kind. Since day one he’s been scheming and finding ways to make things happen, and I don’t know about you guys, but I think at the very least the amount of research he put on to Vash’s powers and how to unlock his gate despite how unbelievably limited the data on Independents were, without actually having Vash captive for 150 to study him is very impressive (and kind of (very) scary). But that’s where the similarities with them end, at the end of the day Knives is 1000 times smarter than Caliborn (and more likable, even if he’s a genocidal maniac). I just think that Knives possesses a lot of the qualities that make up a Time player, and him being a Master Class is because both Vash and Knives are stupidly powerful.

In the end, I guess it’s because the duality of both Vash and Knives’ ideals and personalities can be perfectly encompassed by the duality of the Time and Space aspects. 

(And also because I thought of a great scene between Vashwood and the image has been ingrained in my brain to such a degree that I refuse to change the classpects to something else. It’s like 50% all those things I said 50% gay stuff, ngl.)

Anyway stay tuned for the “why did you make Wolfwood the Knight of Doom and Meryl the Rouge of Light” post. It’ll hopefully be a lot shorter and less convoluted lol. 

[draculagerard]

my dark fandom past ... i think im going to have to judge this not by my own embarrassment (because i pretty much dont have shame) but by how others react to hearing about it

- spn and doctor who but not sherlock

- voltron (i was a diehard sheith (the non-klance ship) sheith is the superior ship dont let anyone tell you different. this is not the hill ill die on but it is the hill ill kill on)

- hetalia for like 5 minutes

- i still like homestuck and a selection of kpop and bandom and dan & phil so those dont count as my dark *past* exactly. also i am a firm bts anti so i think that negates the kpop anyway

- i have written a lot of rpf

uhh i think thats the worst of it. other than hairy porter which i was only into for the marauders era stuff ages ago anyway

tldr ive been in a few obnoxious fandoms but *i* dont see it as my dark past. only those cursed to interact with me do. also i was fascinated by topics such as jigsaw puzzles and world war two fighter planes as an adolescent which is why there are not more truly horrendous ones. holy shit this is an essay my bad

okay no but thats the best combo

oh my god the voltron ship discourse 😭

why does EVERY one of my followers have a hetalia past. do you guys remember the time when like 5 different people anonymously confessed to me that they were into hetalia last month

oh that is so real. homestuck and dan and phil and bandom have literally so much respect from me. i dont know that much about kpop (despite the fact that all my friends are into it)

RESPECT !!

jdfjjf those two things are not the same. also dont even worry about it i love essays as messages. ask literally anyone i talk to

[warcats-cat]

self-ship/OC asks for whichever pairing's been stuck in your head the most lately!

5, 6, 7, 12, 13, and 19 (or as many/few as you'd like to answer)

Ahh I set myself up for this one didn't I? 😅😅

So in my defense, my anime boyfriends rn are Dirk Strider and Jake English from homestuck, but at this point their character traits in my mind are like six or seven degrees removed from canon, mostly influenced from the parts of fanon that I interacted with back in 2015 in the height of my homestuck era (tm)

And I'm a little starved for affection lately so I just like to imagine my giant teddy bear is a person I can snuggle with without the pressure of a sexual relationship because I'm asexual which is also probably why I think I might be poly too?

5. Who curses, and who reprimands the other for it?

We all curse, but Jake does it in his weird ass fake British work around way and pretends to be morally superior about it but we all know at the end of the day he's just as bad as the two of us. (Fun fact for lent this year my whole family gave up swearing for lent and agreed to put 50¢ in a jar every time one slipped and we raised about $60 between us all because traffic in Cincinnati is terrible.)

7. Who makes the other laugh more?

I feel like I'd be the one making them laugh, just because I've had a lot of people tell me I'm a very dramatic and emotive story teller, especially when I'm angry about something and it's been stewing for a few hours. (Any time a customer at work does something especially heinous, I get home and just *rant* like I'm on an episode of the office because it really helps get the bad energy out.)

12. Who's more protective?

As with real life I am all talk big threat but when the chips are down I'll probably be in a corner somewhere crying my eyes out because someone yelled at me, HOWEVER if someone is mean to any of my loved ones I get very nasty.

I'm kind of a Chihuahua.

Meanwhile Dirk has katanas and swordfighting and takes no shit. And Jake has guns out the ass. So who knows how that would go 😅...

19. Who's the better dancer?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

((also sorry X-man Friend I didn't have good answers for the others...))

[sagaciouscejai]

I was making a Touhoustuck Youmu write-up but i hit a snag where I’m not feeling confident in my understanding of Heirs after so long.

It’s mostly that i wasnt sure how much John was influencial due to his aspect or class, as we can easily see him rubbing off in very minor ways on his friends in pre-game logs, especially when you look to things like Dave’s change in shades. It becomes more pronounced later with things like sharing Nick Cage with Vriska or being someone who had the right sort of impact to allow future Terezi to fuck with her past self with all the retcons.

Like... it feels the further you get into Homestuck, the less John is subtly influencing people as much as being given the power and freedom to be effective when placed in situations like the Retcon stuff. He’s really only inflencial because Terezi directs him to punch Vriska out, diffusing the tension of the situation and allowing the two to just stop trying to kill each other on the meteor. In a sense, the messing around of past Terezi is most likely to keep her from trying to kill Vriska after John leaves too, especially since she’s a lot more confused and willing to think things over in the Retcon timeline by the end of murderstuck.

So its very much that John can influence in smaller ways, but can only really be at his most effective when being directed by another’s influence. It’s how he so effectively kills himself via Terezi’s direction once given the jetpack, and then needed both Dave and Davesprite to push him not to just go to the final boss on a lark. Vriska pushes him to do a huge windy thing to blow out the green flames covering his land, and later to go to his quest bed to get killed and subsequently God Tier. He can channel his aspect and become it, but when he inherits it from others it becomes way more potent.

Equius is also tricky as an heir, because Void is an aspect that can literally be like “You inherit emptiness and darkness and obfuscation” in one sense, but also regularly means “You inherit nothing, don’t even inherit anything”. It’s why for a stealing class like Roxy’s, she doesn’t steal anything because most likely what she would steal is the scant few things the other players have, or potentially alcohol in some sense if she were to try and go back to that empty vice. She also is tasked with trying to steal the void away from her void session as well, alongside the void surrounding her life with the blackouts and all that, but it all goes hand in hand.

Equius inherits the void, but he shouldn’t inherit anything. He has way too much strength, way too much pride on his blood and its ‘inherent superiority’, too much centaur porn adorning his life. These are the Void of his life, and they are things he should not inherit. Instead, he should go out into an empty land, a quiet land, to reflect and learn to control himself. He starts to get there, as we see on the meteor, but his upbringing still had too much of a hold on him  when Gamzee finally tries to subjugate him. If he did, he most likely would’ve been a perfect check to Vriska’s relevancy as she gathered all of that Light, just in the same way he unintentionally was being her neighbor pre-entry.

Mituna is hard to parse, mostly because all we know is that at one point he does a heroic act that fries his brain and Kurloz was around to see it. We don’t even know if it was before or during the game, so we have no indication if the way Aranea describes him before that event was relevant to his character arc given by SGRUB, or was just necessary setup for who he needed to be in the game, similar to how the FLARP stuff set up how all 4 of those Alternians needed to be prior to entry. There’s more confusion to be had as to whether having a mental disability is considered having Doom or lacking it, which goes alongside the ability to have prophetic visions being a sign of or of not having any Doom. These could also be just Goldblood/Captor traits, but both fit will with the ideas of Doom not to discount, it’s just with their classes and the dynamics therein, its unclear what counts as an abundance or lack of the Aspect.

[cleverthylacine]

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

The gateway drug for a lot of my readers was oh brave new world, that has such people.

It's short, sweet, and soft. However, it's set in an era hundreds of years after the end of The Voice of Stanix. And it's MegOP, which is very unlikely to happen in VOS. But it hints at a lot of things that did happen in VOS that people like.

Diamonds & Rust is the first fic in Voice of Stanix proper. Some people find Ravage's 1st person POV in that fic hard to take because she is so fucking furious. Megatron has abandoned the cause and broken up with her and Soundwave.

(Actually, he'd be thrilled if they'd join him among the Autobots, but that ain't gonna happen.)

So now one of the two mechs she loves most in the world has sent her to go and find out whether or not this is serious, and if it is, she's to kill him.

Ravage just has so many things to be pissed off about in Diamonds & Rust that I can't make it less so, and it's full of poems and essays presented in non-chronological order. But if you ride along with it, the payoff at the end when you find out what Megatron did and why I had to write it like that is pretty great, I am told.

I think it's easiest to read the VOS fics in order (and remember that two of them are still updating and there will be two more) before you get to the side stories, fluff, and occasional piece of entertaining crack.

But I also know one reader started with Designs and Persuasions (which is still updating) and loved it so much she went back and read the rest, and another who started with the TexAid short, Uninterrupted Passes.

Back in the day people would get very superior about people who skipped ahead in the beginning of Homestuck. I did that, because I was bored and I needed the context of what happened later to understand why the parts I initially considered a snooze fest were important. So I don't judge anyone for starting wherever they start.

On the other hand I won't say it's equally easy to start anywhere. Things will probably be easiest to follow if you start with Diamonds & Rust, because it's closer to canon than any of the others and it is the first one I wrote. I just know some people liked Diamonds better when they fully realised why Ravage was so very, very angry.

A lot of the things she is mad about that in that fic are canonical, but they're things most readers miss in canon, like for instance the thing where in IDW, all the cassettes we know of were made into cassettes as a punishment--like empurata, only for useful disposables that you wanted to control completely. So there's a whole lot of resentment there at the fact of just being a cassette that people who didn't catch that are sometimes taken aback by.