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struggling-with-time · 3 years

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Letters on the Wall and in your Hand [Wilbur Soot x Reader]

Pairing: Wilbur Soot x Gender Neutral!reader

Summary: Wilbur is packing for college but he just can't stop getting distracted.

Warnings: Suicide, Angst, bit of comfort ig

Words: 1.1K

Masterlist: Wilbur’s Masterlist - Full Masterlist

A/N: Listen, I don't know how this happened, but it did and I'm not sorry. (Also requests are still open! Click here!)

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Wilbur is packing his room down for college, as he has to travel overseas. And all of these things just keep reminding him of memories he has. Childhood memories, the awkward teen years that are now over. He isn't really getting anything done, just looking at all these things. From memories of his family, his wonderful annoying brothers, and their hardworking dad, to memories of you.

That ugly bowl you made of clay, still stands proudly on one of his shelves. You had made it together in the kitchen downstairs, when Phil was out. Techno was meant to be watching over you two, but had left to go do "secretive older brother things" (ie read: hanging out with Dream and chasing him through the town). Which meant Phil had come home to the wooden table being over smeared in clay, and clay handprints on just about everything in the kitchen.

But Wilbur still remembers sitting in front of the oven that he had figured out how to use just mere weeks earlier, waiting patiently with you as you watch the clay bake. Only for it to explode when Phil finds the two. And Wilbur remembers telling you everything is going to be alright because Phil will glue it back together. And he does.

Then there is that old drawing Tommy made of his family, where you are placed neatly beside Wilbur. Tommy had a bit of trouble understanding in the first couple of years that you had to go home to sleep, even when you were at their house again the next morning.

Right next to the drawing is the collections of seashells you would always collect. Wilbur never really knew why he got the seashells. But he knew they were precious to you, so he kept them safe on his shelf in that god awful container. You had once told him, that the sea was so scary, yet so peaceful. Turning new life into the old.

Wilbur nearly laughs as he pulls out the old photo album the two of you made during your last year in school. The one he finished a year ago. His hair was significantly longer, and it's evident in the way he's pushing his hair up in a decent portion of the photos, just so his eyes can be seen. You always teased him about that.

He finally got the haircut, wanting to turn a new chapter, and that seemed to be a good first step to take.

Wilbur pushes the still nearly empty moving box to the side as he walks past it. Instead, he’s heading over to his closet hoping that sorting clothes are easier than sorting things. But all that leads to is him finding out childhood clothes, both of his own and yours. Even newer stuff you’ve forgotten in the later years. He makes a mental note to return it at some point. But nobody has to know if he has no intention of doing that.

And as Wilbur is taking down the posters on his walls, he finds the secrets the two of you used to write on the walls in the dark of the night when Phil had told you to go to sleep for the 4th time.

And his walls are littered with them, from the earliest of his song texts to confessions of love to people whose faces Wilbur doesn't remember any longer. Your handwriting so similar to his, yet so different. You have always been rough with a pencil while Wilbur has been light with his. He used to say you didn't write you craved letters down on paper and the walls.

Wilbur finds himself tracing his fingers over the secrets, confessions, and memories as he finds one that he doesn't remember you writing right next to one he does. It's a strange paragraph right next to one of the first promises that went on his wall.

"We, Wilbur and Y/N, promise to be the bestestest of friends to the moon and forever beyond. We promise to always be by each other’s sides through evil and Techno."

Wilbur finds himself laughing at the memory as silent tears start to flow. He is happy to be reminded. But he just wishes he wasn't alone when doing so. He flicks his eyes over the paragraph next to it.

It's clearly your writing, that's your letters. It's new in comparison to everything else, your touch is light and your letters nicer than his own.

"Hey Will, this is a bit weird to write. We used to do this together, but right now you're sleeping, and I know you won't see this when the morning comes. When the dawn draws near, or something poetic. Listen you've always been the one who's good with words. I just want to wish you luck in everything to come for the future. I know you're going to be great. You've always been great. I know I promised to be by your side for forever but things change, people change. I changed. When the time comes you will have a letter for you. I promise that it will be better written. But for now, I just want to tell you that you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want you to keep being you, because that's the one thing I can promise you can be without me. I wish you the best, and everything that comes with it.

Yours truly, to the moon and beyond.”

Wilbur is now full-on sobbing. He has the letter. He has the god awful letter. Fuck, he still sleeps with it under his pillow. He still doesn't understand it has been over a year since he received it. It has been over a year. But the pain is still there and the wound is still as open as it was back then. His knees give out as he falls to the floor a hand on the message, the other over his mouth as he tries to strangle his sobs.

Why did the water always fascinate you? Why did you have to join the sea?

Why did you have to leave him so alone? You promised to stay by his side. Why didn’t you tell him sooner? He could have changed the outcome. He could have. He could.

Wilbur curls more into himself. His head filled with questions that will never be answered, Questions you can never answer.

It's like this Phil finds him, having run up the stairs after hearing the loud noise all the way down in his office. Taking the stairs two steps at a time when he could hear the sobs.

"Oh, Will..."

Phil doesn't say anything else as he just settles down on the floor beside Wilbur. In the middle of the clutter. The good memories, and the horrible ones. The happy memories, and the sad. The ones Wilbur will always remember.

And he cries, Wilbur cries into Phil’s shoulder like he has done so many times in the last year.

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#wilbur soot #wilbur soot x you #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur x y/n #c!wilbur soot #c!wilbur #c!wilbur x reader #c!wilbur x you #SBI #Philza #fanfic #dsmp #mcyt #x reader #tw: suicide #gender neutral!reader #delias own writing

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tobiramaika · 3 years

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Edo Tensei

I don't even know why am I doing this. Maybe to let my sorrow out? Well, either way, enjoy.

Isn't it nice? Peace can be achived, even if temporarily.

You can make civilians and shinobi live together peacefully, regardless of clans.

Tobirama was always skeptical about that, but his big brother showed him that it's not impossible.

Still... why is he smiling? Tobirama can't help but feel hatred towards him and his so called friend as he looks down on them from the tree he is sitting on.

They are laughing, training together, even being affectionate... what kind of brother is that?

Hashirama doesn't care to notice as Tobirama stares at him, rather just drowns in self pity as he had gotten a harsh comment from Madara.

Maybe, perhaps, that will never go away. That little habit of his.

Watching that unfold... all he can think about is how foolish it is.

Tobirama never had any hate in his heart towards Hashirama, but it hurts.

It hurts that he has to walk alone in a flower shop, because he is the only one who remembers.

He shook those thoughts out of his head though, as he already took out his wallet. He greeted a smile to the man wrapping up some roses,

" Good morning Inoae "

The man greeted back, happy to see a regular.

" Good morning, Lord Tobirama. "

He is not going to lie, being called that makes him feel a little icky, he isn't Hokage yet, or is it certain that he will ever be. However, formality is kept.

It's not like it will matter in a few years, right?

He just went on to choose flowers.

Four purple hyacinths for the first bouquet.

Two pink tulips and two delphiniums for the second one.

Two white tulips and two gladiolus for the third one.

They were all so beautiful, yet they only caused silence. He wished he could, but Inoae couldn't look the man infront of him in the eyes. He knows all too well what does this mean.

Tobirama was used to it. Usually he is greeted with silence upon entering a room.

And that silence followed him everywhere.

Well... not the cemetery. Where his brothers were.

He walked his way in, getting more and more nervous as his heart went quicker upon approaching the huge rock where his brothers are laid.

Dare he call it a grave.

Although, he was quite scared to face them just yet. So he decided to go to the left side of it, paying his respect to someone else's brother,

" Izuna, are you listening? I am sorry.. no, I just ask for your forgiveness. I hope you are watching over your brother, he seems to be doing well. "

He had placed the first bouquet of flowers down the cold shiny rock. He didn't know if the feeling in his chest is emptiness, or rather guilt.

It could be both.

Now came the hard part, going to the right side of the rock.

He can't call it a grave, he refuses to accept it.

He had placed the beautiful flowers down, bowing as he spoke.

" Itama... Kawarama... Please forgive big brother, he didn't come to your anniversaries. Even if he didn't come, I hope I am enough. Please don't hate him for this. Are you doing alright.. ? I wish I could hug you both for one last time, " tears streamed down his face as he grabbed his chest, gasping for air " I am sorry you could never make it to 10. I am so so sorry.... this isn't how it was supposed to turn out like... it really wasn't.... "

It was dawn when Tobirama caught his two younger siblings painting their face in the reflection of the river by their house.

He had approached the two giggly smaller ones as he noticed that they have their mothers make up paint in their hand.

It was cute, how excited they were over a few crushed up wet roses..

" Say, what are you doing? "

Itama looked at him, holding a brush for him to take,

" We are wearing warrior make up! Try it too! "

And so he did. He squat down alongside them, copying the motions they did,

" So tell me... Why are they dots? "

Kawarama smiled, clapping his hands together, happy to answer,

" It will bloom like a flower! It's just dots now... But when we will reach 10, it will all be lines, mimicking the shape of lowers! "

Itama nodded, as he adjusted the hand of his older brother,

" Yeah! Hashirama already celebrated his 10th birthday! So it's between us three now! "

Tobirama hummed, murmuring a little 'I see' as he painted his face. That was, to this day his favourite memory with his brothers.

And it keeps repeating over and over, he can't stop thinking about it. It pains him, if not everday, every other day.

Even as he looks through their family album and seems their cut off hair, from the first time they each got a hair cut.

The circles under his eyes barely tell a story compared to how swollen it has became. He had cried all day, his heart crushing.

He stroked over the plastic covering of the hair, sighing to himself in the darkness of his own room, being surrounded by nothing but cold..

... and a bunch of research papers.

" I wish I could bring you two back just by this... I miss you so much "

One thing is for sure, ghosts exist.

Tobirama had found out that a long time ago, by experience.

Turns out, hating your father and trying to please your brother's wishes only results in your dead father's spirit yelling at you whenever you manage to stay up after 5am.

Tobirama sniffed and wiped off his under eyes.

It's time to be stronger, it sucks to drown in self pity, day by day everyday.

And so that was the start of it all. The start of Edo Tensei.

Both the sun and moon had fallen down multiple times while Tobirama spent weeks in his office, only leaving for small wash ups.

He was desperate, he had a goal in mind and he for sure going to achive it.

Sleep was something he... well forgot to do, but came to him naturally. Each time, he had envisioned all the failed attempts that had happened.

It's been months, he is used to it. Used to all the dry tears on his cheek after a few minutes nap, as he still hears the painful scream of his little brothers. He wants to get it right. He so does.

Just what is he missing? What?

He has calculated everything imaginable. So why.. why don't they look human?

Those questions rang louder and louder in his head as he made an attempt to revive his brothers in their - now - family home.

Well, the little hill next to their garden tree.

Itama and Kawarama were sad. They couldn't be as grown up and as human as their big brothers.

They tried to comfort their older brother too.

He was on his knees, punching the ground with his fists as tears stormed down his face.

" Why, why, why? ", he asked, over and over.

Not to mistake him for an idiot though, once he felt two little hands stroke his back, he had wrapped his arms around what he knows as his little brothers.

" It's okay "

" Thank you for trying "

Those small little voices trying to comfort him.. their gentleness... It should be the other way around. It really should.

But why is he like this? It's hard to admit, but Tobirama is ashamed. It should be the other way around.

The ground broke, and suddenly there was water everywhere but around the three of them.

It was almost destructive, flooding everything around them, breaking of their tree, turning into a water tornado.

It took a mental breakdown for Hashirama to notice what's wrong, as he ran there yelling out

" Tobirama! "

That was the last thing in Tobirama's memory before his coma.

Hashirama must have solved it, he guesses. After all, not only their house is new, but their list of forbidden jutsus are too.

#the way this is a mess #tobirama #naruto #hashirama #itama #kawarama #senju bros #can you guess who is my favourite brother

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everafterkeiji · 4 years

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Song: Easy to Forget Me by Cimorelli

Pairings: Tobio Kageyama x fem! reader

Word count: 2.8k

Summary: When the king's queen was out of his grasp before he can realize

Warning/Genre: angst, toxic friendship, anxiety attack

Symbols: Italics=flashbacks

A/N: um- im very much hurt

Kageyama pants as he runs, pushing his limit with his eyes scanning the street ahead of him. His chest heavily coming up and down with sweat dripping down his skin. Mind empty but theres a certain feeling in his chest that was urging him to come back to a certain period in his life or a certain someone.

As he passes by a certain store, he suddenly stops. The feeling of his legs as if it they were holding him back, restraining his every move along with a voice lingering in his head like a broken record.

"She wasn't there."

Like a rock thrown to glass, his heart shatters, the sharpness of it scattering around his body making him weak to his knees as he stares at the shop that brought back memories he should've cherished. Maybe he should've gone with you when you asked him, maybe he should've took interest in your stories that had you smiling for days.

Maybe he should've chosen to remember.

"Tobio! Please don't push me away." Y/N begs, as Tobio disregards your words as he locks the door, slamming it in front of you. It was right after the match of Kitagawa, where his teammates claimed him the King, leaving him stranded.

"Please.. I'm here. I'll stay with you, I promise." Y/N says, head leaned on the door as she desperately tries to talk to the boy who've built such high walls a person like her can never reach. Kageyama can hear her pleas through the door but only one scene was repeating in his head-the moment the ball dropped, not even a soul was willing to save it for him.

"Kageyama.." she whispers sliding down with tears in her innocent eyes, scared for the condition of the boy, even more scared of what was bound to happen to their closeness.

The door creaks open slightly, and she was off her feet wiping away her tears as she turns around to see the broken boy clutching his shirt. He collapses into her arms and she gladly takes him, both sat on the ground with her hands running through his dark locks. Tears in each of their eyes, Y/N holding onto him while he questions himself. All the words that slipped through her mouth was nothing but sweet whispers and promises, reassuring him that he was no king.

Just a prince surrounded in a kingdom he didn't deserve.

"T-thank you for yesterday. You're the only one I can..count on." He says through the phone and you immediately smile at his words, surprised he believed in your promise. You let your hand rest on top of your heart, gripping on your shirt feeling that your heart was too big to fit into your body with how your emotions were overwhelming you just because of one boy. You wonder how long it'll take for you to break under him, under the kings command.

"It's nothing, Tobio. I'll be here whenever you need me."

"Kageyama! Good morning!" You say as you gladly bring him his usual choice of milk. He nods to you as a sign of thank you, and you smile at him. You walk with him silently, admiring the pleasant air between you two. It was a coincidence you two entered the same school, or was it really just your instinct and you chose it to protect the boy?

"I heard about this new store. Do you wanna come with me? I've seen photos of it everywhere!" She rambles on yet it fell on deaf ears as Kageyama was only delighted about being back on the gym, able to play his passion. When he turned to her, even if she was talking, his slightest care couldn't be given to her. He'd only nod every once in a while to make it seem like he'd understood.

If your heart knew that he didn't care, maybe then you would've realized.

We're in the same town

But you're nowhere to be found

"She hasn't been around for days. Do you think she'll make it to our game?" Hinata asks as Tanaka hands him another ball. Tanaka sighs as he looks over to the empty bench. It was funny how they were all concerned yet one boy couldn't care less. The second year looks over to Kageyama who spiked the ball perfectly, seeing him cheer at his success.

"Worry less about Y/N, she probably has her own problems. We all know that she could never miss our game, especially when Kageyama is playing." Daichi says, looking over to the younger boy. Daichi can feel how cold the atmosphere was with just a glance. He tries not to interfere with whatever happened between you two but after the match no one saw you again. Yet he sees Kageyama, perfectly back in his mindset and not an ounce of suspense as to why you weren't present.

"Plus we missed her birthday! Can't we buy some gifts for her? She doesn't really seem okay to me." Sugawara say and Nishinoya jumps at the idea agreeing completely.

"Seems like he shouldn't be invited." Tsukishima says, pointing at their other setter. Hinata sighs beside him, before shaking his head, in denial of the tension.

"Let's just go after practice!"

He walks inside the record store, seeing a variety of albums and vinyls. He lets his slim fingers run over the texture of each album, wondering which drew his attention. The atmosphere of the store was enough to leave a weight on his shoulders.

It's you, isn't it?

He eyes a poster on his left, enjoying how the colors were spotlighted by the sunlight that was peeking through the window. All the soft hues, having a dark gradient at the bottom he couldn't help but feel how familiar everything was. He carefully listens to the song that was playing, concentrating on every lyric as if he was trying to find a connection.

This is her world.

He watches how everyone in the store was occupied in conversations. Conversing about their interests, debating about different eras, even singing in different aisles. He can only feel sympathy, alone in her world he didn't bother to acknowledge. He should know by now what music you like, what album you first bought, which band poster was hung on your wall, but when he tried he could only hear murmurs and whispers.

I wish I listened.

Do you ever miss me?

You wonder as you sat in your room, knees to your chest in the far corner, listening to the song playing in your earphones. You stood up, walking to your window and opening it, greeted by the cold air. You let you hands dangle from the window while your eyes landing on the night sky creeping a smile on your face at how comforting it was.

The moon stares down on you, feeling helpless for the girl who thought numbness was the right choice. She couldn't even mask the way her world was slowly loosing color. To her, music would always paint her skies with color. All she can do now is envision the colors but in reality they were all desaturating with every passing day. There's pretty smile set on her lips yet feels like a tug of force knowing it was hard to act civil when her heart lost the battle.

"This place is so cool!" Hinata exclaims, eyes sparkling at the sight of the vivid posters and overall aesthetic and aura of the store. Nishinoya joins him on the excitement. Daichi turn to Kageyama who looked like a lost puppy, eyes wandering everywhere. Sugawara taps Daichis shoulder quite cutely holding up a vinyl in his hands.

"This looks like something she'd like!" He says with a smile and Nishinoya joins the conversation, holding out his own album waving it in the air claiming it was more her type. Asahi laughs at the two while he continues to view the albums that were in front of him.

Kageyama glances at his seniors along with the second years. He sees the genuine care they have for her but why is that he feels empty? Like he was numb to any feeling. He did miss her birthday, not even bothering to greet her, focusing on doing better for the next matches.

Hinata notices the dismay from the boy but his lips form a thin line, knowing exactly why Kageyamas clueless. He wonders about the feeling of neglecting a person that's been by your side for years. Kageyama seemed like he was a pro for such things. He always took notice of how Y/N would look whenever he's decline her offers, the way she walks to class disheartened but when she sees the setter, she instantly lights up at the sight.

Seeing her cry that day was enough for him to keep a distance.

How can he even comfort her? The moment she turned her back to Kageyama, she had a hopeless smile on her lips, tears continuously rolling down her puffy cheeks. He could see the way she collapsed that way. How the queen finally let go of her duties from the king.

Kageyama laid on his bed with earphones in, hands to his chest focused on the melodies. It was ironic how he wanted to badly catch up on what he's lost. He was badly trying to find the trail back to you but he was unfortunate. It seemed like he was the one that changed everyone's destination.

The moment she stepped in the gym, so bewildered at the different personalities they had. Hinata was the first one to approach her, asking her questions about their "friendship." The following months went by and Hinata found comfort in her and so did the rest of the team, favoring her for her endless support, always hearing her cheers at each game. After every match, she'd always encourage the others, being the brightest sun to cast upon the team who was discouraged.

Yet he found this unnecessary?

He bites his lip at his old thought. He hated himself for thinking how useless of a habit that was for you. He believed that Daichi was enough to lift up the spirits of his teammates so the team really didn't need you. It's opposite for the others though. They truly appreciated each of your compliments, each pat on the shoulder or head. Even if you wanted to do the same for him, he'd always walk away before you could even reach him. Hinata and Yamaguchi would always try to make you forget how harsh the boy was.

He lets his eyes close for a while. For a second, he was at peace but then words started resurfacing.

"How could you just walk away?"

He tries to ignore the tone of her voice, trying to drown it out by increasing the volume, but his heart was panicking at the memory. Even if he tightly shuts his eyes, all he can imagine was the sight of the last time he saw her. He wanted to sit up, to avoid the anxiousness that was crawling under his skin, but his back remained on the bed, struggling to escape the encounter.

"Is it that easy to forget me?"

Y/N.

(TW! Anxiety attack. Do not proceed if this makes you uncomfortable)

He calls out to her like a whisper, clutching his pillow as he stares wide eyed at the ceiling. He feels the room swirl around him, the walls caving on him as every insult and memory came to him. He sits up and desperately tries to walk but he collapses on the floor, hands quickly reaching the hem of his shirt bringing it over his shoulders. Panting incredibly with his sweat covering his forehead as he tried to calm himself down but each second he was reminded of a moment in his life he could never change.

"Hey..Kageyama it's okay." Y/N tries to reach for his shoulder but he harshly grabs a hold of her hand, gripping it tightly in his as he stares her down with his dark eyes, locking on her terrified ones.

"We fucking lost! To Aoba! To Oikawa! How can you act like this when we lost?!" Kageyama shouts at her and she winces at the volume but she lets her other hand rest on top of his, trying to make sure her eye contact reminded him that everything was going to be okay.

"Tobio- Karasuno will come back and win again.. You have to trust that everything isn't set in stone. Failure-"

"FAILURE? I don't have any fucking time for more failures Y/N! You simply don't know what that feels cause all you've been doing is tagging along and being useless." He spat and you felt your smile crumble at his words. He removes your hands from his as he frustratedly runs his hands to his hair, feeling as if pins went through his hands, blaming it for their loss.

"Kageyama..you don't m-mean that. Stop. I know you're angry-"

"I'm disappointed Y/N for fucks sake! I could've done better! We could've won if I didn't slip up. Stop acting like you can fucking solve everything and leave!" She takes a step forward to him as he extends out a hand, blocking her from moving any further. The gesture completely draining the life out of her, her heart growing more and more in her chest, the admiration for the boy trying to erase his negativity.

"K-kageyama-"

"Fuck Y/N! Can't I have a day without you talking to me? Or even being around me? I don't need you. The team doesn't need you. No one else does.. so please just leave already."

He stares at her for a while before rushing off, annoyance and pride feeding his heart and mind. She sees him getting more and more distant as she lets her last smile fall on her lips. All the love and joy was erased from her heart, feeling how shallow and dark the atmosphere was inside it. It began to feel like every heartbeat was slowing down as her tears painted her a trail as she walked. The tears continuously flooded her cheeks as every function of her body was weakening with every action.

She feels the tension that there was in the bus, while she was stuck in the corner, silent.

Silent but the Kings poison consumed her.

Happy birthday to me then. She thinks bitterly.

She looks at the scenery beside her, appealing dull. She allows her heart to cry at the sharp pieces that went through it, as if it was like a balloon being popped or like the light from a fire was blown out.

There was a certain part of her that died that day. She wonders if it was her entirely, or just her ability to feel anything apart from the harsh reality. It was the mere feeling of hearing him say the exact opposite of the words you were badly used to. As the person who he counted on even back at Kitagawa, you should've believed it. But every word he threw were all words that should've never been brought to light. You were back to zero to say the least, back at the darkest corner of your mind. Touching in with your negative emotions drowning you with every replay of of his words.

Then she glances at him.

She lets her eyes linger on him for the last time before she sighs, hands forming a ball, nails digging through her skin.

I don't know you anymore.

Kageyama opens his eyes slowly, hands reaching for his phone as he dials a forgotten number. He was panting furiously, desperate to hear the sound of your voice he was late to miss. He dreaded the silence the surrounded him, he wished the silence would be killed by your voice, assuring him that all was forgiven and you were ready to come back to him so he can apologize for everything he's done.

On the other end of the line, you sighed sadly. You the see way your phone lit up the dark room, seeing a name you've yet to see in months. You carefully place the phone in your hands, trying to find the feeling in your chest when he was around. The feeling of excitement to see or hear him has vanished yet you wished that you had the ability to feel for him again.

Love has faded, no evidence, not even a trace.

So you put the phone down, done waiting to be found.

Kageyama hears the way the sound of the phone stopped, seeing his wallpaper flash in front of him. He lets the tears fall from his eyes as he calls out to you one more time, even if you broke your promise, still holding on to it but there wasn't a chance for him anymore.

And the queen left the kingdom, leaving the king to rule by himself.

#kegayama tobio #haikyu x reader #haikyuu sugawara #hinata shouyou #hinata x reader #nishinoya x reader #sugawara x y/n #tsukishima fluff #tsukishima hcs #tsukishima x reader #haikyuu!!#kageyama x reader #yamaguchi fluff #haikyuu yamaguchi #haikyuu asahi #tobio x you #daichi sawamura x reader

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jaehyunsuh · 5 years

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nct 127 reaction to: being interested in idol!reader

REQUESTS ARE: OPEN

please go to the ask box to send your requests or questions♡ you can interact as much as you want !

author's note: i tried to make this as a mix for a reaction and scenario so i hope it's okay, i'm sorry if it isn't that good

taeil

you just debuted and going into your 3rd debut stage, you are excited because you are meeting idols you have always admired and they have been all so nice. Today nct 127 is doing promotions as well, while taeil is in the living room he notices this really pretty girl, dressed in cute clothes while all she does is drink water. He is surprised because he was never seen here before. "hey, who is that new girl? Is she a backup dancer? She looks really well dressed for a backup dance." He tells haechan trying that no one listens to him. "hyung really? She is a new idol, she just debuted 2 days ago. Why? Do you like her?" He asks playfully while teasing his older member. "i don't know, I was just asking." Taeil says trying not to show his noticeable interest in you.

he just keeps staring and looking away when your about to look. You go on stage to practice and he is mesmerized by your beautiful voice, he even searches for you while you are on stage. After you are both done rehearsing taeil and some of the members go to some of the rooms looking for the staff, they enter one of the rooms and decide to sit in the couches there, for his surpsrise he finds you are there staring at yor phone. "I'm so sorry, i didn't notice you. Hello I'm y/n, nice to meet you." You say trying to be polite, the 127 members tell you not worry and say hi back to you while sitting.

you decide to put your headphones on and listen to some music, since taeil is focused on you by mistake he looks at your phone. "Wow, i really like that song." He says on accident realizing he was looking at your phone. "I'm sorry, i wasn't looking at your phone, it just was in my front view." He says panicking. "It's okay, i appreciate your good taste anyway." You say laughing. "Do you want to listen too?" You tell him while offering him one of your earphones. "Oh, yes, thank you." He says shy yet happy. He starts talking about how much you both like this artist, his music, lyrics and singing. He becomes really talkative and comfortable with those kind of topics. You exchange numbers and agree to recommend music to each other.

johnny

being one of the most popular and few english idols out there, you are offered to mc-ing a new youtube channel with nct's johnny. You were really excited with whole idea, for the first episode it was just going to be johnny and you answering some fans questions but for the next episodes you were going to interview more idols.

johnny enters the studio where you are recording, you are already sitting and waiting excited to start the show. Johnny is mesmerized by your beauty and the sweet way you talk to everyone in the room. "Hi, my name is johnny, I'm a really big fan of you. I'm glad we can work together." He says smiling confidently. "Oh, hi I'm y/n, thank you. I'm excited to work with you too." You began the show and answer the fans questions comfortably, even tho this was the first time you met each other you were always laughing and joking with each other.

you are finished recording and picking your stuff to leave, when johnny grabs your wrist. "Hey i want to show you something." You follow him in agreement. You both end up in the rooftop of the building. It was dark already and you could see the beautiful lights of the city of Seoul. "Wow this is beautiful, how did you knew about this." You say smiling while looking at the beautiful landscape. "I've worked here before recording some stuff and i found out about it once." He says smiling.

"And why did you decided to take me here, we just met." You say facing him. "I don't know, you are a really nice and pretty girl so i felt like we could come here and talk, get to know each other better." He says flirty getting close to you. "Okay, great. So this is were you take all the 'nice and pretty girls', now i feel special?" You say say smiling while being sarcastic. "Look babe, i haven't been interested in someone for a long time, don't worry I'm not a player, but i needed a way to spend some time alone just the two of us." He says being direct and getting closer. You smile knowing you want to go out with this guy as soon as possible. "Don't you think we are going a little bit fast?" You say taking a step closer to him. "If you are okay with this I'm okay with it too. So are you gonna let me take you on a date tomorrow." He says staring right into your eyes putting a piece of your hair behind your ear. "Okay, pick me up at 6." You say flirty biting your bottom lip and leaving just making him wanting you even more.

taeyong

you are excited that even tho you just started your idol career you are already having your own radio show, you are able to express yourself, interview some idols and also share music that you like.

today you are having taeyong from nct to come to you show since he has his solo debut. Taeyong enters the studio and when looks at you he immediately blushes and becomes shy, he greets you being polite and nice and you give him a comforting smile. You start the show by asking him some questions about how he feels about his solo album, the writing and producing process, the concept and what inspires him. You chat comfortably and even laugh a lot, everyone is surprised that taeyong is being so open even tho he just met you. Taeyong couldn't stop smiling since the beginning of the interview because you totally got his heart.

the show ends and you greet all of the staff while taeyong does too. You get out of the recording room and go to the rest area, in there taeyong approaches to you. "Hi." He says giving a cute smile. You say hi back smiling too. "I wanted to tell you that you were amazing at the show and i really enjoyed it." He tells you while he keeps smiling. "Thank you, i had fun too in this interview." You tell him. "Uhm, i wanted to know... do you come up with this questions or the staff gives them to you." He asks while being curious. "Oh, i make them myself. Sometimes i write them down or i just come with them on the spot, it depends on the artist and on how the interview is going." You say smiling. "Since you seemed so happy taking about your music it was really easy and comfortable to make this interview."

Hearing you say all of that completely caught taeyong's heart, it was like he had heart eyes forming, he was nervous and didn't even knew how to react. "Well if you don't mind, i really liked talking to you, maybe we can talk just the two us, without the public listening and grab some coffee after you are free?" He says nervous yet with a sweet smile. "Yes !! I would to listen more about you and get to know you better to." You say playfully. At this point taeyong was over the moon, really happy and proud of himself.

yuta

there is a new football (soccer for some of you) variety show you are being part of. This is the first time you are part of the official cast for a variety program, you just have been as a guest but never as part of the cast. There some many talented and popular mc's, actors and idols as part of your team so you are really excited to learn from them.

yuta arrives to the football camp were the show is being recorded, he feels happy that he can connect something so special to him with his idol side as well. He gets dressed in his sports clothes and stretches since this shows involves some physical activity. He is introduced to the rest of the cast and he greets everyone with his big and bright smile, he reaches into you and goes surprised since he has never met you before, also there is only two girls in the cast but the other one is a well known actress so he feels curious about you.

He tries not to stare so much at you but he finds your excitement and energy really adorable. You start recording and you are divided in duos, by luck yuta was your partner and you were excited since he was experienced with it. "Oh no, I'm doomed." He says playfully while laughing. You pout and make puppy eyes making him feel a little bit bad about his joke. "Hey i was just kidding, i will help you to be good." He says in a low voice really close to your face, which makes you blush but you nod your hair in agreement.

you are supposed to do basic stuff, like passing the ball to your partner, kicking it through some cones and then doing some penalties. You were doing pretty bad what made you feel bad and embarrased for yuta since he was your partner. You are taking a break and he approaches to you. "Y/n, you are doing really well don't worry". He says giving a warming smile. "I'm terrible and you know it, but i appreciate your effort in making me feel better." You tell him while looking at the floor.

"I mean it, if we don't win this time we will do it next time. Listen, you are an idol not a freaking football player, you just have to have fun." He says calmly with a comforting vibe. "Not everyone is good in many areas as i am". He says playful with a big smile in his face. "Thank you, that didn't made feel even useless in football." You say laughing. "Well, if you don't mind we can go and practice on the weekend, i know a good place where there's no many people so you don't hurt anyone while kicking the ball." He says while laughing and you punch his arm. "But no really we can go there and maybe eat something later." He says now with a serious face and flirty vibe. "Okay it sounds nice, i will accept your help then." You tell him smiling as well. Yuta felt weird since his normal self is really competitive and would have been slightly annoyed by you, but you captivated him as soon as he saw you, so him helping you was a great opportunity to approach to you.

doyoung

you are really excited because sm entertainment has sent you TVXQ tickets. You debuted just a year ago and you are excited that you are already being included in such cool things, even if it's just going to a concert. You were curious thinking about what idols were going to be there since so many idols end up going to their concerts.

doyoung enters the arena and his manager leads him to his seat, as the other invited artists he is sitting in vip seats. He goes closer to his designated seat at it's surprised but finding out he is sitting next to a girl he doesn't know. "Hi, excuse me, I'm doyoung from nct, nice to meet you." He says while shaking tour head slightly bowing to you. "I hope it's olay if i seat next to you, are you okay with that?" He says giving a shy smile looking nervous. "Oh, it's totally okay, i actually didn't wanted to seat by myself so I'm glad you are my partner." You say giving a big smile which warmed his heart.

the concert starts and doyoung stares at you, you have been singing and moving your lightstick since the concert started, reacting happily at every single stage, song and even the effects. He was glad he was with someone who was so genuine and not hiding her expressions at all, since some idols don't even react being at a concert. You react and laugh, sharing your thoughts with doyoung while he just nods his head laughing and smiling at you. He couldn't believe how nice you were. He wished this concert lasts forever.

The last song was performed and the duo waves saying goodbye to the fans. You are waiting for people to leave so you can leave as well. "Uhm, i know this might be unexpected but i have two tickets that the company gave for exo's concert. Since you enjoyed this so much i was wondering if you would like to go?" He says with a shy smile. "Oh my god yes! I love them so much, you are so nice, thank you." You tell him excited. "But the thing is that you have to go with me again." He says firm with a confident smile. "I would love too, i like seeing you smile while i was saying nonsense stuff, it was so sweet. You say while feeling touched. "Oh no no, i love hearing you talk, that's why i want to see you again." He says giving a warm smile. "Okay, see you next week then." You say to him while winking and leaving with your manager. After you left doyoung gasped letting out all the nervousness you made him feel while he smiles at himself.

jaehyun

since he is experienced with idols being around him all the time, talking to him and trying to get his attention, it was new to him to find out about this new idol y/n, she just debuted but has been training for years and it's already so professional and talented. He saw you for the first time at a little event where other idols were, he saw your mv and heard your album before and thought you were stunning and talented, but didn't had the opportunity to approach to you.

then he turns on tv and he watches your debut stage, he is shooked by the you dance, how stable you are and your mesmerizing stage presence. He knew that he definitely had to meet you.

there was a festival were nct 127 and you were both performing, as soon as he arrives the arena you cross paths with you, the staff introduces you to the 127 members and obviously, to jaehyun. His vibe is different and kinda intimidating, it just leaves you intrigued. You are left alone and he starts chatting with you comfortably, he asks about music taste, debut and whose friends you have in common, during the whole conversation he has really nice and friendly trying to hide his flirty side. He asks for your number and tells you to hang out when you have time.

suddenly your new friend bambam invites you to a little party at his house so you can meet new people and make friends, since you are new you accept. And there he was, jung jaehyun at the end of the living room. He immediately goes to you and starts talking, now he is being more teasing and flirty that before, he is being really straightforward and you can't deny you like that.

"So tell me more about you, how has the whole idol life been for you? Is it all new?" He asks curious. "Yes, everything it's so different. Everyone is always watching my steps, expecting something from me, fake people try to be my friends and famous guys thinking i want to date all of them." You say annoyed. "I totally understand, everyone is always expecting me to have the 'prince charming' image and sometimes is exhausting having to behave certain way, also it makes some girls expect me to fall for them and be really romantic." He says open up to you, which surprises you since, for what you know, he doesn't open up easily. "But right now I'm interested in just one girl that I've met for a while now. She seems to be down to earth, i feel like she is gonna accept the real me." He says taking sip of his drink and staring at you playfully. "Oh really?" You say teasing as well.

"Tell me more about her." You say while smiling. "Well, she is beautiful, kind, friendly and she never ever! Cares about what anyone says. She is so real and smart, i can't wait to take her out. Oh also! She is really really hot." He says giving a flirty and teasing smile. "Wow, she seems like a really nice girl, i hope you get her." You say playing along with him. "So do you wanna go out to take dinner tomorrow? I will take care of you, i promise." He asks without hesitation whispering at your ear which makes your body become weak. "Yes, i would love to." You answer rally close to his lips, teasing him as well.

winwin

in the last few months lots of clothing brands have been offering you modeling contracts to promote them, that has made magazines gain a lot of interest in you as well.

winwin has been really into modeling lately, brands and magazines from korean and china all want to have him in their team. A really big and important project came to him which made him really excited, it was a photoshoot with vogue korea! At the meeting he was told they were doing this with the purpose of promoting a clothing brand but also making a really aesthetically beautiful photoshoot, he is also told that that in this project he will be collaborating with a female idol who is getting popular in the modeling business as well. He was excited with the whole idea and curious to know who his partner was.

the day of the photoshoot finally comes, he enters the makeup and hair room and sees a really cute girl getting done while talking excited and smiling to the staff members, he immediately smiles feeling moved by the girl's excitement. He sits next to her and wonders if she if his partner for the photoshoot. He is getting done and constantly looking at the mirror to see the pretty girl sitting next him. He feels shy and nervous about her and doesn't even knows why.

the staff enters the room and introduces the two of you. You give winwin and kind and warming smile, he feels captivated by you and is curious to get to know you better. You both put your outfits on and are called to finally start the photoshoot. The concept and scenario were really artistic, romantic and beautiful, you felt like you were in a movie. You are told what type of poses and vibes you should do and you proceed to follow the instructions. "I need you two to come closer, like if you were in love. Winwin hold y/n's hip in a romantic way." The photographer says. Winwin proceeds to hold your hip asking you for permission. "It's okay." You tell him with a warm smile.

you have already been two hours taking pictures, making poses, changing clothes, makeup and scenarios and now you are finally done. During the whole photoshoot you both started to create a close bond between the two of you, feeling even more and more comfortable with each other. You head to the makeup and hair room one more time to finally take you makeup off and hange into comfy clothes. You are both wearing a jean and t-shirt looking at your phones, the stylists and makeup artists left the room so it was just the two of you there.

"Hey, i really liked working with you today, you are really talented." Winwin says with a kind smile. "I really liked working with you too! You are really talented as well and you also made feel really comfortable. Thank you for that." You say giving him a smile back. "I know this might sound straightforward and daring but... do you want to have dinner tonight? I had a lot of fun with you and i want to know you better." He says shy. "I would love too, to be honest you have been my favorite coworker so far." You smile. "So wait...is this a date?" You say shy. "If you want it to be one, i would like it." He says now with a flirty vibe. "Okay, let's go on a date then". You say while biting your bottom lip.

jungwoo

jungwoo has been a fan y/n since debut, he really likes your style, music, concept, dancing and everything that has to do with you. He is always wishing you go to the same events, have the same friends, go to the same hair shop or promote at the same time but none of those things came true.

you are having your first mini tour starting in seoul, since it was announced jungwoo was really excited about and he was expecting not to have any schedule so he could go. Finally he tells some of the members and they agree to go with him. He entered the arena and was so smiley and happy, the members found his excitement really adorable and the proceed to go to their seats.

the concert starts and you began to perform. "Hello Seoul, i hope you have fun tonight, please take of me. I will make sure you have a good time tonight." You say waving and smiling to the public. During the show you would have small talks and even do some aegyo to the public, all of these things just make jungwoo's love grow for you. Since nct are idols they get special seats so in the middle of the show the cameras film them so you can see the idols that came to your concert. "Hi, we have mark, johnny, haechan and jungwoo from nct here tonight." You say smiling while the nct members smile and wave to the camera as well. "Did you have fun? Have you like the show so far". You ask them, and they make thumbs up and smiling affirming. "Thank you a lot for coming, maybe you should go backstage later so i can get to know you since a big fan." The camera focus haechan who is nodding his head really hard making you and the public laugh. When you said that jungwoo's heart was about to get out of his chest, he know couldn't wait until the show was over.

the concert ends and you quickly change your clothes so you can receive you guests. Nct walks the hallway and find you standing giving them a warm welcome with a big smile. "Hi, nice to meet you all I'm y/n." You say smiling and bowing at them. They all introduce each other and shake hands with you, after jungwoo had to shake your hand he was speechless, he was all red, smiley and shy, the cutest boy ever.

You talk for a while and you all notice that jungwoo hasn't been really talkative. "Hey, actually i wanted to tell you something. My friend here is a big fan of yours, he actually invited us to come with him since he was really excited." Haechan says while hugging jungwoo. "Oh wow, really? That's such a honor!" You say smiling and patting jungwoo's shoulder. "Uhm, y-yes, I've like your music since debut, it really suits my style." Jungwoo says nervous. The members slowly leave the two of you alone so you can talk comfortably which, at the beginning makes jungwoo nervous but he manages to gain confidence since you are really nice and immersed in the conversation.

"Well, as you know I'm a big fan of yours, I've wanted to meet you before but we never had the opportunity to meet you. "Since we have become comfortable with each other would like to be my friend? I mean we can hang out and eat with the members too so you don't feel weird". He says doubtful but with a sweet smile. "Yes, i really would like to be friends. It's okay we can eat something just two to of use, I'm okay with it." You say smiling.

mark

it's been already 4 months since your debut and you can't wait to have your 1st comeback !! Your company told you that for this 1st mini album the wanted to include some collabs, a vocal one and a rap one. You were really excited with this idea, even tho you didn't knew who the collabs were going to be with. You wrote and co-wrote a lot of songs for this album so you were curious if one of the collaborators were going to be into writing their own parts for their songs, you love writing so someone adding their own lyrics and feelings to your songs was just amazing for you.

mark has been said he is collaborating with idol y/n who is in the making of her new album, he is also said that y/n said he could write his own lyrics for his rap and verses and eve tho he didn't know her yet he was really excited and thankful with that idea.

he enters your company and leads into the studio. Your managers introduce you to each other and then they just leave you with your writer and producer. Since he entered the studio he noticed youe excitment for making music, how involved you were in it and how you wanted to know about everything. You talk a lot about music which makes him feel like he is talking to one of his best friends.

"this is the song we are doing together." You tell him showing a piece of paper. "I know you already listened to the demo but i wanted to know if there's something i should change. I'm a big fan of your work so i would like to have your opinion." His eyes became brighter and he flashed the biggest smile, he was happy you were reaching into him for help and also complimenting him. He reads the lyrics while nodding his head, he just marks a few verses and proposes you lines that could go better. "You really did a great job with this one, you are a good writer." He says while smiling. Then he begins to play the song on his guitar while singing the whole song, you join as well and he smiles and becomes shy but keeps singing.

After that you have a good time jamming with his guitar and talking about the same interests. He finally records his part of the song, you were really happy and pleased with it. "Wow, you are so amazing. Only your rap is better than my whole song." You tell him while laughing. "Oh no no, thank you but your song is amazing, I'm glad i can be part of it." He says while giving you a warm smile. "I was thinking if you would like to go to the han river with me? It's a nice place to play the guitar and we can also sing and see if we come up with any lyrics." He says looking a little but nervous buy adorable. "Yes, i totally want to see if we can come with another collab soon." You tell him grabbing you bag so you can go to the han river.

haechan

as a rookie idol you are invited to do a collab stage with some idols who are close to your age and that includes nct's haechan. As soon as the news are told to haechan he becomes really hype and excited about it, he has liked you since the beginning and he really likes you.

you enter the practice room at sm entertaiment which is were you are rehearsing for your collab stage. As soon as you walk into the room haechan becomes flustered and nervous, he was wondering what was happening to him since he isn't like that, he is always confident and cheerful with everyone, why were you making him so nervous?

"hello, I'm sorry I'm the last one to arrive." You say really embarrased because you arrived a little bit later. "It's okay, the choreographer hasn't come yet so we are fine." Han jisung says, who is also part of the collab stage. After everyone being weird and in silence the choreographer comes and the practice begin. "Haechan, y/n, you are having a dance break together at min 5:20 so you better work together, you need to practice together as much as you can. You both stare shyly at each other and nod to the choreographer. He teaches you the dance break amd haechan and you have to be on synch and really close also.

the rehearsal is finished and haechan finally gains to courage to approach to you properly. "Hi, i think i haven't introduced myself." He says smiling. "Im haechan, i really like you and your music." You smile back at him. "Hi, I'm y/n, I'm glad you like me. I'm happy that we get to do this together." You say being shy. "Yes, i think we should practice. Do you want to come over tomorrow so just the two of us can practice our part? " He says with a kind smile. "Yes, i will come, thanks for the invitation." You tell him while smiling. "Also you seem really nice. Do you mind if i treat you dinner afterwards? He says confident with a flirty look. "Okay, i will really like that." You say smiling at him while leaving the practice room. After you leave he smiles at himself knowing that he succeed.

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greaserbloom1324 · 4 years

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GGC Example Writing

Hey all! I'm excited to post some of my writing work on here. Although excited, I'm a little nervous bc I don't know if a lot of you liked my idea of doing a crossover with The Outsiders with 2 of my favorite magical girl shows, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon and Winx Club (back when Winx Club was for teens & preteens and not just kids like it is now 💔) Btw I'm using one of my ocs in this example writing & in my Outsiders au, she is Ponyboy's love interest (and later boyfriend). But anyway, please enjoy!

"Pony, I can't show you. You'll get scared of me."

I've known Pony and his gang for a while now. Darry isn't fond of me because of my father making him fall into financial debt, which is why he doesn't seem to like me, unlike the other guys, who don't care about that. What mattered to them is if I'm a cool person and that I can get along with them. Well, I'm not exactly cool, due to the emotional abuse and neglect I had to endure at home. I couldn't take it and had ran away, before trying to get a job.

I don't think it's possible for a 13-year-old like me to get a job, especially if I am mentally disabled. Well, it's just hard to explain. Basically, I have autism, more like aspergers syndrome. It's supposed to be more on the positive side, since it's making me so intelligent, but I don't feel it. Maybe it's because I'm so used to my parents, older and younger brothers, and my grandmother treating me like utter dog shit, that made me feel utterly useless and stupid. Well, not in the gang's eyes.

They see me as something my family doesn't see in me nor do they care: a kind, sweet young girl with weight problems, anxiety and depression added to the mix, you get the idea. If you don't, then I don't know what to do for you. But all I could say is, if it weren't for Johnny meeting me at the junkyard, then I wouldn't be living with the gang like I am now.

"Mary, I won't get scared. If it's weird, I won't laugh. If it's scary, then I won't freak out in horror. Please let me see." He talked to me gently, but with comfort in his voice. It always gets me when he speaks to me like that. He's so dreamy and gentle. Gee, I wonder why he has to put up with someone like me to love, care and talk about to the boys over and over again. I eventually gave in. "Alright, you win. Let me position myself..."

Pony nodded and stepped back to give me space. Once I was in a comfortable position, I closed my eyes, threw my arms in the air and crossed my fingers. "Mary Transform!!" After what seemed like minutes, I opened my eyes and looked down. My jeans, black Taylor Swift Speak Now album t-shirt, and red converse sneakers had vanished and turned into this: a magenta strapless mini dress, baby pink mini shorts, magenta below-the-knee short heel boot, baby pink fingerless arm gloves that reach to my elbows with a slight flair at the other end on my wrists, a gold tiara appeared on my head, alongside a pair of small pastel pink wings with dark pink tips.

"Wha-What do you think??" I stuttered nervously. I felt my face turn hot, just as Pony stared at me in awe. "Oh Mary, you look so beautiful already!!" He exclaimed. I gently played with my long light brown curls. "Oh, you shouldn't have..." "Mary, no. If I say you look beautiful, then I mean it. Don't listen to your shitty parents on what they said to you. Even if you don't see it, you'll always be beautiful."

I was speechless. "I, well um-" I stopped myself when he gave me a hug. I felt my eyes watered. He's so sweet. "Thank you, Pony. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome, Beautiful."

Tags: @stayingsilvertonight @leuiesroom

If I left anyone out in the tags section, let me know and I'll edit it asap

#greasergirlsclub #the outsiders #the outsiders 1983 #sailor moon #winx club #au #ponyboy curtis

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caasiturner · 6 years

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Hurricanes and Jon.

Jon Bellion is an extremely talented artist. My favorite album of his is The Human Condition. Every single song is a straight banger, his beats stir up all kinds of emotion, and his lyrics speak to the depths of my soul. My favorite track is, however, Hand of God. Throughout the song he speaks of his stresses, ex-girlfriends, and the struggle of life. The line that really resonates with me is,

“ I might break

Angry at all the things, angry at all the things I can't change

When you're lost in the universe, lost in the universe

Don't lose faith

My mother says, "Your whole life's in the hand of God"

Nothing has changed, he is the same

"Your whole life's in the hand of God"

That’s hard for me to accept. I can’t see that hand. We sung about it a lot growing up, “He’s got the whole world in his hands, etc, etc. etc.” We talked in Sunday School about how there’s a God who’s got His eye “on the sparrow”. We are told there’s someone who knows our every need. But as an adult it’s really hard to believe.

As I’ve reiterated countless times before I tend to be a doubting Thomas in search of constant reassuarance. A person who needs tangibles, reasons, hard data and evidence. I need to figure everything out, most likely due to never knowing during my childhood. I need to be able to hang onto things, to fully understand. I don’t take things at face value, I research, I make hypothesis and test them, I deduce and find the answer.

But life has a sense of humor.

Every time I start to figure out things the slightest bit, I am humbled, reset, back handed if you will. This year I finally saved my first thousand dollars. Now maybe to you that’s insignificant. For me it was huge. I grew up under the poverty line, and through a lot of sweat and blood, I’ve been paying my own way since I was 17. To finally see four digits in my savings was an amazing feeling.

I struggle hanging onto relationships. I’ve been transparent about this multiple times. It’s been hard getting over my latest relationship mostly because she was nearly everything I thought I wanted. Some days it’s hard to believe there’s something better out there. Or that I am even meant to be with someone. But, after not speaking since summer I finally felt in a good place mentally and emotionally.

Then this week happened.

My clutch in my car is now shot. It’s gonna cost over five-hundred dollars to fix. Everything I worked for is gone in a single day. Just like that.

The girl I felt I had finally moved on from texted me, asking for help. My heart literally dropped and I wasn’t sure how to feel. Anger in the fact you hit me up because you need something. Confusion in why would you turn to me. Eagerness to assist and concern in because I still care for you as a person no matter the past.

I yelled at the sky. I’m frustrated. Angry even. Tired of fighting. Aching for this horrid year of 2018 to be over.

I feel like a ship trying to weather a storm. Every time I conquer one wave, yet another crashes down. I feel like I’ll never get my head above the water, as if God Himself finds a sadistic joy in personally holding me under. I strive and fight so hard, yet all ends the same. Empty. Meaningless. Hopeless even.

I just want to figure this all out. Know what I’m suppose to be doing. Know what I’m doing wrong. Know why everything is a constant struggle. Know why am I even here or what my purpose is.

People say I bless their life all the time. I’m so genuine or so kind or so this and blah blah blah. You don’t know me. You can’t even imagine half of what I’ve felt or gone through. Walk a mile in my shoes and you’d probably trip over the size of my feet. You don’t see my inside world, what I battle every day, or the stuff I see. You don’t see the tortured mind of an artist, the confusion of a twenty-two year old, the anxiety and worry of someone who’s living far above his years, the broadness of my back as I carry countless bags of baggage and multiple burdens (some self-inflicted and some who are by rights others to carry).

You don’t see the homesickness for someone I haven’t yet met. The tiredness of being called “baby” by people who don’t mean it (Shout out my guy Ed Sheeran). You don’t see how lost I am or how badly I want to be found. You don’t see how “I don't want to kill myself because others will get the job of cleaning up my blood from a gun shot, cutting the rope above my head or telling my parents I'm dead. I just want to disappear.”

How’s that lyric go Mansionz?

“...Nobody knows, nobody knows, no one (no one)

You'll never know, you'll never know me,

I wanna believe in religion

But nobody reminds me of God

I wanna believe in what I hear and what I read

But it mostly reminds me I'm lost

I wanna believe that when I fuck it's romantic

But no lovers remind me of love

And I need to believe in moderation

'Cause believers believe in too much

I learned to lie

I learned to lie when I was younger

Tell me somethin' true...”

Yeah. I feel that on a spiritual level.

But.

To live by feelings is to live falsely. Feelings lie. Feelings change. Feelings come and go. What holds us together?

Faith.

A “ Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.”

A “ Belief; the assent of the mind to the truth of what is declared by another, resting on his authority and veracity, without other evidence (Webster).

Faith in there being a greater plan. Faith in a better tomorrow. Resting my life and hopes and dreams, without other evidence, into “The Hands of God.” A higher being. Something larger than myself. without seeing the end result. That’s completely counter intuitive my nature.

Maybe Puddleglum from The Chronicles of Narnia states it best in C.S Lewis’s classic The Silver Chair. Our hero is hard pressed, and a witch is doing all she can to convince him to lose his faith in the great lion Aslan and his memories of life above ground. Just as he is about to give over to her power he states,

“ All you've been saying is quite right, I shouldn't wonder. I'm a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won't deny any of what you said. But there's one more thing to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things-trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we're leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that's a small loss if the world's as dull a place as you say.”

Do I have that faith? Faith to believe no matter what lies I tell myself it’s all for a reason? That there is something out? That this world I currently see is but a shadow, a vapor, a breath, a blip in an endless line of eternity? That there are no accidents, or meaninglessness?

Can I believe that?

I want to. I am tired of keeping my hands on the Wheel of this ship. I’m tired of trying to keep my ship afloat. I’m tired of trying to do everything from my own power. I’m tired of failing at attempting to run out this storm, keep my sails aloft, or row my own way.

So this is me.

I’m giving over for I have no one else to turn to.

Friends and family can’t help me. Money won’t save me. Running away is a temporary solution. So here is a public declaration. I surrender. I give up. Take this wheel. Beach this ship if you have to.

Just take my life and place it into your hands.

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dreamaze · 2 years

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beyond evil is one of my favourite series and the soundtrack is superb. good luck to you wings, and enjoy <3

also hi twas cacophony anon and i’m sorry for not getting back to you earlier kdjdhdjsk got a bit too much on my plate jdhdjs but i did listen to the songs you recommended me and i quite liked them!!!! and i always appreciate songs over ten minutes lajshshsj :3

My dear cacophony anon!! I am SO sorry it has taken me this long to get to all of your asks (I hope I am grouping the correct ones together), but it makes me so happy that you returned to my inbox <3 More beneath the cut—

I had a fantastic time watching Beyond Evil (and miss it dearly already—wish I had time to rewatch it all again, but I am trying to be Responsible with the new term starting in two days) and have had the soundtrack occasionally on loop since then. :') Also, I am glad to hear that you enjoyed my last recommendation! Have you heard The King Must Die by Purple Rain? Another amazing (imho) song that I stumbled upon completely by chance, thank you spotify algorithm.

And this is the earlier ask I didn't reply to until now, again, I'm sorry ;; —

hi tis cacophony anon :3 indeed forestella's mystique deserves a few relistening hfbsh i would love to give you such a rec for forestella, unfortunately while i kinda see in theory what you mean about the bass harmonizing with the countertenor, i have. no references on how it should sound like to correctly pinpoint it? if it makes sense?

anyway today's recs are younha (dark cloud is a personal fave, as well as this performance of gray so gray with epik high https:// www.youtube. com/watch?v=l7EQ_uoNQBE&list=LL&index=46 ) her voice sounds so beautiful to my ear that even if i don't specially like a song her voice still takes me on a ride, jang pill soon's on the moon (i just discovered her so didn't have the time to listen to her entire discography yet but she seems interesting enough), and heize whose voice i also love a lot and has both a certain softness and a. coarse side? yeah english isn't my mother tongue so i apologise if the descriptions are a bit weird sfhbshf (i particularly like "midnight", "on rainy days" and "so it ends?") OH ALSO she has a song with ahn ye eun!!!! "from the rain" tis called!!

I -did- listen to them and appreciate you sending me so many! Younha sounds nice, maybe not a voice that grabbed my own heart immediately but I can definitely see why you like her! A friend recommended Heize to me in the past too; kind of the same thing, I liked her songs but for whatever reason they didn't Grab me in the way that, say, cacophony did. <3 So I did recognize her when I was checking out Ahn Ye Eun (feels like ages ago now!) and gave that one a try. <3

As mentioned above, I am about to embark on another busy semester, but I will try to be better about answering more quickly!! I do love when you stop by my inbox. :') Hope things are going well for you, and if they are still busy, that you are taking time to rest as well! ♡♡♡ (p.s. have you heard the new forestella album?)

#cacophony anon #asks #music box #<- a new tag i am going to try out for keeping track of music recs/my occasional excited rants/etc in one place

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be-lis-mamamoo · 5 years

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International Women's Day: Mamamoo Edition

Just because I thought "Why not?" If you you're involved with Mamamoo, every single day feels like a Women's Day. And here are the reasons why 👇🏻

Kim Yongsun - Solar

When we're talking about women empowerment in K-Pop or the music industry in general, I hardly can think of a better role model than Kim Yongsun. She's not only Mamamoo's oldest member and their leader, she's also a very supportive and thoughtful person who always cares about everyone and everything around her.

Her YouTube channel Solarsido demonstrates her versatility as singer, entertainer, dancer, choreographer etc. and she pleases her fans with a lot of diverse content. Once in a while she shows her incredible dance skills, the other day she exposes her way of learning English. But what's really impressive about her YouTube channel is that she raises awareness about serious issues and social causes:

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In honor of “Expectant Mother’s Day”, Solar volunteered to help watch her friend Eun Song’s newborn baby. Solar volunteered to help watch her friend Eun Song’s newborn baby. While she did struggle a bit, her sharing the experience was illuminating about what mothers go through on a daily basis! ©Koreaboo

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Solar joined forces with Dongdaemun Senior Welfare Center and social worker Jung Soo Bin to donate roughly 2,200 lbs of kimchi to underprivileged elderly. She even delivered some of the boxes in person, making the gesture even more meaningful! ©Koreaboo

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On the “International Day of Zero Tolerance for Female Genital Mutilation”, Solar used her large platform to raise awareness of the violence women around the world experience as victims of FGM. ©Koreaboo

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Also, did I mention that Solar stands for gender neutrality? I think we all remember that time she ripped off her shirt during their 4seasons 4 colors concerts and when she was invited to perform live at KBS! She explained, ��Afer seeing many male idols ripping their shirts on stage, I wondered, ‘Why can’t girls do that too?‘”

There's a lot more to say about her so if you don't know much about Solar or Mamamoo in general, make sure to check them out. You won't regret it.

Moon Byulyi - Moonbyul

One of the best examples for gender neutrality and music diversity in K-Pop might be Miss Moon Byulyi.

With her latest solo comeback "Dark side of the Moon", she wrote a new history in K-Pop. Bold in both sound and style, Moonbyul takes the stage with "Eclipse" and uses it to show off her duality as both a singer and rapper over its forceful melody and brash beats. Accompanied by the release of a captivating music video where the artist is seen both as a soldier and a queen, “Eclipse” revels in Moonbyul’s skills as a performer, and also continues Mamamoo’s legacy as an act that constantly relays different ideas of feminine strength through their music. ©Billboard

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Moonbyul is successfully redefining fashion’s outdated gender norms by wearing suits and breaking the beauty standards of K-Pop PERFECTLY. But Byulyi also has her soft sides. Her sincere love for Mamamoo and Moomoos is just precious and she never misses a chance to show her support and love for her members and fans. On Fancafe, she helped Moos who went through hard times and in her private life, family and friends play a central role which she proudly shows by her many tattoos.

I personally love her for her way of spreading self-confidence and a strong self-esteem. Be it by her self-composed songs or by simply talking with fans during Fanmeetings and on Vlive, she always motivates us to love ourselves!

Make sure to follow her on Instagram!

Jung Wheein - Wheein

Wheein was born to shine. But she was also born to be a great role model and here is why.

Fronting Soar, Wheein's first-ever solo single album, “Good Bye,” or “Let’s Break Up” as it reads literally in Korean, is a poignant track that rises and falls with Wheein's dynamic delivery of the song, as soft rock instrumentals build the melody up around her powerful vocals.

"Good Bye" was released through a heart-rendering music video that depicts a rare representation of same-sex love in K-pop. Featuring a woman entering the home of a couple, she treats it as if it’s her own and play-acts being in a relationship, while becoming enraged and destroying signs of the pair being together, seemingly out of jealousy. ©Billboard

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In addition, Wheein explained that the shape of love doesn't matter to her, it's all the same. For me as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, Wheein's statement means a lot and I'm so happy about her support and understanding!

During the "Secret Unnie" filming with SNSD's Hyoyeon, Wheein also talked about the pressure of Korean beauty standards and her struggles of feeling left behind, a feeling all of us can relate to.

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Whenever Wheein shows her vulnerable sides, it always carries an important message to her fans. I love her because she's simply being herself without trying to be someone she isn't. Wheein is one of the most humble artists I've ever met, she's an inspiration and a great emotional supporter.

Ahn Hyejin - Hwasa

I guess since she became THE it-girl of 2018, 2019 and probably 2020 also, everyone should be aware of how much of an amazing person she is. Here are the reasons why she is my number one queen.

Everything started with twit, her first solo song which quickly became a very popular song in SK. Her prowess as one of K-pop’s most dynamic singers carries throughout the song, a true show of her impressive talent as she addresses, mocks really, a lover who is giving too much to someone who doesn’t deserve it. ©Billboard

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"If I don't fit in this generation's standard of beauty, I will have to become a different standard"

Who doesn't remember her most famous quote? I think a lot of people appreciate her for her very strong self-esteem and just being the way she is. Just like Wheein and the rest of Mamamoo, she's very humble and down to earth.

What I love the most about her is her attitude. Hwasa called out her haters in their latest comeback album "reality in BLACK" and doesn't hesitate to tell the whole world how much she loves to be herself.

What can I say, there's so much more I want to tell about her but the best way to get to know her is to watch the whole Mamamoo related content and ofc her solo activities, for example her appearance in "I live alone"

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All in all we have to admit that she's the most badass queen ever who deserves the whole world. And it's our obligation to protect her from all the unnecessary hate. She has just the sweetest personality and even though she acts like a tough person, she can get hurt just like every other human on this planet.

Mamamoo isn't only a group of talented singers. They're very unique and special women with big hearts and a lot of love and support for their family, friends and fans. K-Pop is a strict and sometimes scary music business but even so, Mamamoo manages to be such great role models and one of the most humble celebrities I ever got to know!

#I could spend the whole day talking about Mamamoo #But it would never be enough time to mention all the great things they did #Mamamoo is just amazing in every aspect I can think of #I dedicate this to the international women's day and Mamamoo #Mamamoo #international women's day #mamamoo solar #moonbyul #Wheein #Hwasa

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