#this is why i need a 3rd person perspective so that i can properly look at myself

[paperscarlet]

will never understand how my brain can make me look skinny one day and obese the next

[astrxealis]

sorry for rambling so much about milgram btw my thoughts are often a mess and i think too much about it but i am good now i think <3

[evilpixieoffluff]

Through shadow, cloud, and shade: Intro

Boromir x OC (Mae) 

Not certain how to begin this.  Characters belong to their creators. Cannon Typical Violence. Slow burn. Cannon divergence (But I won’t tell you where to keep things interesting). Some addition to events and switching narrative perspectives but focuses mostly on Boromir and Mae. 3rd person. Future smut, will add specific warnings as we get closer. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed creating a character to adventure with. Approx. 3,000 words. 

 “I cannot wait any longer,” Mae whispers as she continues packing her bags.

 “Mae…”. 

“No, Eowyn,” she replies, “Every day our king, my father, fades further and further away. We need help. Grima has gotten his claws into him and our kingdom, our people are suffering. I will not sit idly any longer”. 

“Where will you go?” 

“Imladris,” she replies quickly, “The elves will know what to do. Maybe help me find Gandalf the grey”. She tucks her brother's white tunic into her riding breeches. 

Eowyn hands her a leather corset, “I’ll do what I can here in your stead. My brother and yours won’t be happy when they hear you’ve gone alone”. 

“Why do you think I waited until they were both out of the castle?” Mae replies with a mischievous smile. Eowyn smiles back at her as Mae finishes buckling the leather. She looks around quickly, grabbing her dark mustard cloak and tying it around her shoulders. Eowyn hands her sword which Mae is quick to belt around her waist. 

“Promise you’ll be safe?” Eowyn whispers. 

Mae is quick to wrap her arms around her little cousin's waist, “I promise, I’ll be back as soon as I can”. Mae grabs her bags and sneaks out of the palace, saddling up her horse and is gone long before dawn. 

It takes her a little over two fortnights to travel to Imladris. She keeps to herself and travels as fast as she can. She meets some on the road and luckily has no run-ins with any unsavoury people. She’s spent much of her childhood adventuring around the plains of Rohan. She travelled with her brother and father when her father was in his right mind. She’s always been stubborn so when they'd travel she’d always insist on being with her brother while hunting and preparing food. It’s honestly refreshing, being on her own, out in the wilds. All her life people have held expectations of who she should be and how she should act. Out here she is entirely herself. But she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t relieved to finally arrive in Rivendell. Being greeted by Lord Elrond and shown to a guest room to bathe is a blessing. Bathing properly for the first time in over a month is a luxury. She changes into the gown the elves left for her, the silky dark blue gown floating around her feet and her hair pinned up in an elegant updo. She dines with Lord Elrond and his daughter, Arwen. They discuss the darkness unfolding in the world, Mae agrees to stay and await Gandalf in the hopes that he’ll be able to help her with her father. Elrond says he should be back soon. So Mae waits. She enjoys exploring the library and grounds. She also meets an older sassy gentleman called Bilbo. Mae had never met a hobbit before but she finds his company pleasant. It’s only a few days later that she hears a large amount of commotion, Arwen arrives carrying another hobbit, gravely injured to her father. Gandalf arrives, looking significantly more ragged then she recalls, and finally a few days later three more hobbits arrive with a man. She learns from Arwen that Aragon is a dear friend to the elves. Her and Arwen grow closer as they await news of the hobbit, Frodo’s condition. More men arrive from all across the land. Rivendell is full of guests from far and wide. She brings flowers to Frodo’s room and after he awakes she is finally able to speak to Gandalf. 

“My dear, I am sorry to hear about your father, unfortunately there are more pressing matters at hand,” he explains, his voice ancient and exhausted, as they sit in Frodo’s rooms drinking tea. 

“I know these are dark times,” Mae replies, “I admit I was unaware of these events before your arrival but knowing what my people have been struggling with for months… it does make sense”. 

“We are having a meeting tomorrow,” Gandalf begins, “I would like you to attend. Represent your kingdom as its heir in these important discussions”.

 “Are you certain that’s wise? You know as well as I do that my opinions will be valued less because of my sex. Though I have worked hard in my own kingdom to be heard, I don’t know these people”. 

“I think, my dear, that you arrived here at this time for a reason,” Gandalf replies, “What that reason is yet, I do not know”. 

She nods, thoughtfully, “Very well. I trust you, Gandalf”. 

Mae walks into the meeting the next evening, her head held high. She dresses as she has since she arrived in borrowed gowns. Today the deep red gives a striking appearance. She leaves her hair braided loosely down her back, a borrowed circlet of gold upon her head, and her signet ring upon her right thumb, the larger ring previously only worn by male heirs rests coolly against her skin. 

“Are you certain--”. 

“Arwen, they are already going to see me as a woman, and value my input less because of it. Reminding them that I am heir to the throne of Rohan may provide me more sway”. 

She walks into the room, ignoring the questioning gazes of the men. She pauses to greet Lord Elrond with a small curtsy, “My lord”. 

Elrond bows his head formally, “Lady Mae, welcome to our counsel”. 

She nods with a kind smile before she finds a seat beside Gandalf. She winks at Frodo as she passes, gaining a small smile from the lad as she does. She sits upon the wooden chair and looks around the gathered group of men. To her left sits a few elves, all with long silky hair and sharp eyes. Beyond them sits a group of three dwarves, their hair braided and their facial hair impressive. The human men are next. Some older men who murmur behind their hands and their greedy eyes rake along her figure. She catches the curious gaze of one of the men, younger than the rest with light brown hair hanging around his shoulders and piercing blue eyes. He frowns thoughtfully as though he carries a large burden. His gaze, older than perhaps his body. She wonders if he were to smile, would his eyes brighten? His neatly trimmed beard accentuates his square jaw and highlights his defined cheekbones. She’d go so far as to say he’s rather handsome, even with the cool concern darkening his eyes, working as a shield against his true self as he watches her and the rest of the group. She’s always been good at reading people and this man is not different. Beneath the strategic concern in his eyes she finds more, fear, yes but bravery, loyalty, and kindness as well. She finally tears her gaze away from his to look at the rest of the gathering, finding Arwen’s love just beyond the broad stranger.

 Boromir waits for the meeting to begin, assessing the gathered men for potential allies or enemies when a woman walks into the room. She is greeted formally by Lord Elrond before taking her seat just across from him. He’s caught off guard by her appearance. Who would send a woman to a gathering such as this? Mae, that is what he called her. The name is familiar but with so much on his mind he cannot recall where from. Is she meant to distract them? She’s certainly beautiful enough to distract. He watches her as she scans the gathered group, her blue-grey eyes like the sea after a storm, meet his own. And, for just a moment Boromir forgets why they are gathered. As he looks into her eyes he feels as though he is peering into her very soul and she into his. Honest, playful, and strong. She is no mere distraction, her eyes, far too intelligent and knowing. He holds her gaze pondering who she might be and why she is present until her eyes slide from his own to continue looking around the group. His heart hammers in his chest as he is finally freed from her searching gaze and Lord Elrond stands to speak. 

“Strangers from distant lands, friends of old, you have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle earth stands upon the brink of destruction. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate, this one doom. Bring forth the ring, Frodo”. Frodo stands slowly and moves to where Elrond gestures, carefully placing the one ring onto the center of the stone pillar. Gasps and murmurs break out amongst the gathered men. 

“So it is true,” Boromir whispers as he stares at the gold ring before them all. She listens as with a heavy sigh he gets to his feet, his words eloquent and clever, “I had a dream,” he begins as he looks at all those before him, “I saw the eastern sky grow dark. But in the west a pale light lingered. A voice was crying, ‘Doom is near at hand, Isuldir’s bane is found’,” he says as he walks toward the ring. 

Mae looks cautiously between the man, his hand inching closer to the ring and Gandalf. 

“Boromir!” Lord Elrond calls as he gets to his own feet before Gandalf interrupts. The sky darkens and the sounds of thunder crack as he rumbles in a tongue unfamiliar to her ears. The man, Boromir, withdraws his hand as though coming out of a daze, stumbling back toward his seat. A number of the elves in the circle close their eyes at the pain the black speech elicits as Gandalf rises to his feet. The warm evening light comes back as Gandalf finishes. 

“Never before has anyone uttered the words of that tongue here in Imladris,” Elrond says pointedly. 

“I do not ask your pardon, Master Elrond,” Gandalf replies as Elrond sits back in his chair, “For the black speech of Mordor may yet be heard in every corner of the west. The ring is altogether evil,” he finishes firmly staring at Boromir before walking back toward his seat by Mae’s side. 

“It is a gift,” Boromir says, leaning forward in his seat and rising once more, “A gift to the foes of Mordor. Why not use this ring? Long has my father, the steward of Gondor, kept the forces of Mordor at bay, by the blood of our people, are your lands kept safe,” he monologues passionately, “Give Gondor the weapon of the enemy. Let us use it against him”.

 “You cannot wield it,” Aargorn cuts in, his voice a low rumble, “No one can”.

 “The ring was made by the dark lord,” Mae adds seriously, “And only by him can it be wielded. It has no other master”. 

“And what,” Boromir replies, glancing between the two, “Would a ranger and a woman know of this matter?” 

“This is no mere ranger,” an elven man gets to his feet, his voice smooth and delicate, his blond hair swaying as he addresses Boromir, “He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, you owe him your allegiance. And this is princess Mae, daughter of Theoden, heir to his throne of Rohan”. 

Boromir spares a surprised glance at Mae, finally placing her lilting accent and name before turning his attention toward Aragorn, “Aragorn? This is Isidur’s heir?” 

“And heir to the throne of Gondor,” Legolas adds sternly. 

“[Sit down, Legolas],” Aragons orders softly. 

Legolas turns to Mae, “My lady,” he murmurs with a small nod before sitting. Mae nods back at him before looking at the changed faces in the room. With her introduction, many of the men peer at her with further interest as Boromir walks back to his seat. 

“Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king,” he stares at Aragorn with contempt. 

“Aragorn and Lady Mae are right,” Gandalf cuts in, “We cannot use it”. 

Elrond gets to his feet, “You have only one choice. The ring must be destroyed”. Mae watches the varying emotions across the room. Some look skeptical, others annoyed, Boromir looks both disappointed and relieved, which she finds curious. 

“Well then what are we waiting for,” A dwarf growls, his voice rough like an anvil against steel, as he gets to his feet. He grabs a nearby axe and with a mighty roar lands a blow upon the circle of gold. Mae gasps as the axe shatters, sending the dwarf flying onto his back. Frodo gasps with a wince, his hand moving to his forehead. Mae and Gandalf send him a concerned look as Elrond speaks. 

“The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli son of Gloin by any craft we here process. The ring was made in the fires of mount doom. Only there can it be unmade. It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came. One of you must do this”. Mae leans her elbow on the armrest thoughtfully. 

“One does not simply walk into Mordor,” Boromir says with a sigh, “Its black gates are guarded by more than just orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep. And the great eye is ever watchful. Tis’ a barren wasteland riddled with fire and ash and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. This is folly”. 

Legolas jumps to his feet, “Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said! The ring must be destroyed!” 

“And I suppose you think you’re the one to do it!” Gimli growls. 

“And if we fail, what then?” Boromir asks as he gets to his feet, “What happens when Suaron takes back what is his?” 

“I will be dead,” Gimli continues as he gets to his feet, “Before I see the ring in the hands of an elf!” 

Mae leans back in her seat, watching as most of the gathered group get to their feet, shouting and arguing over who should be the one to carry the ring. She watches as Gandalf gets to his feet, arguing with Boromir. She looks at Frodo, noticing the distress on his face, as the shouting gets louder. She gets up from her chair, intending to move toward his side when he jumps to his own feet. 

 “I will take it!” he shouts with determination over the voices of the men, “I will take it!” The voices of the men die down as Frodo strides forward, “I will take the ring to Mordor”. Gandalf turns to look back at him as Mae moves forward as well. She watches him, feeling the air shift, it feels right that Frodo should be the one to carry the ring. “Though,” Frodo adds seriously, “I do not know the way”. 

Mae’s feet carry her to his side, her hand going to his shoulder as she squats down to meet his eyes, “Frodo, are you certain?” she asks kindly. 

He nods firmly, “I am, my lady”. 

Gandalf walks over to Frodo as well, “I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, as long as it is yours to bear”. 

Mae gets to her feet, keeping her hand on Frodo’s shoulder, “As will I,” she says firmly, “You have my shield and my protection, so long as you have need of them”. 

Aragorn stands and walks toward Frodo, “If by my life or death I can protect you, I will,” he walks quickly and kneels before Frodo to look him in the eye, “You have my sword,” he vows before he moves to Mae’s side. 

“And you have my bow,” Legolas declares as he walks to stand beside Gandalf.

 “And my axe,” Gimli adds, moving toward the group. 

Boromir walks forward, “You carry the fate of us all, little one. If this is indeed the will of the counsel,” he glances around once more before stating, “Gondor will see it done”. 

“Hey!” a voice calls before rustling is heard and Samwise rushes from the bushes, “Mister Frodo is not going anywhere without me,” he states as he stands by Frodo’s side. 

“No, indeed it is hardly possible to separate you,” Elrond says with a sigh, “even when he is summoned to a secret counsel and you are not”. 

Mae smirks watching Sam throw a sheepish smile at Frodo before another voice is heard, “Oi! We’re coming too!” Merridoc shouts as he and Peregrine rush from the pillars, “You’ll have to send us home tied in a sack, to stop us”.

 Mae bites back a laugh as the two other hobbits rush to Frodo’s side. “Anyway, you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission...quest… thing,” Pippin defends as Mae’s shoulders shake with suppressed mirth. 

“That rules you out, Pip,” Merry teases. 

“Ten companions,” Elrond declares looking at the gathered group, “So be it. You shall be the fellowship of the ring”. Mae feels a sense of ease and purpose settle on her shoulders much as it did on her 21st name day and she was named heir. 

“Great,” Pippin says, looking around, “Where are we going?” 

Mae laughs, loudly, her hand clutching Gandalf’s elbow as her head falls back. Gandalf chuckles along with her as she tries to get a hold of herself. “Sorry, sorry,” she says between laughter as she uses her other hand to wipe tears of mirth from her eyes. Her laughter fades into sparse giggles as the group disburses to pack and get a good night's rest. Pippin looks up at her as she giggles, “Oh aye, I like you, laddie,” she says fondly. Pippin preens under her praise before she walks off with a final squeeze to Gandalf’s arm and Frodo’s shoulder, shaking her head fondly.

[subukunojess]

Guardian Oogie Boogie in Mirrorverse

(Or The Adventures of Disney Mirrorverse Ch. 5 Part 6... or 7? I lost count.)

I know I promised I was going to update the following day but real life came creeping in. Regardless, here is what happens at the finale of Chapter 5 aka "Oogie Boogie in the World of Monsters Inc" apparently:

Interesting to note here: Prior to this, Oogie took over the Scare Floor, controlled the Fractured, and sent basically everything to hit the Guardians with. In addition to my last Oogie Boogie post, it's now known that this version of Oogie Boogie is more deadly, head-on, and his bugs are very ravenous and relentless. And canon Oogie (Movie/Video Games) is a sore loser. But this moment? All this time, he just wanted to play around with his opponents and get a good laugh.

I know this is Disney and most likely, they wanted to explain why would Oogie join the Guardians in the first place, but it really puts Oogie in perspective and how someone could easily alter Oogie's personality and reactions to bring a new side to him while still keeping in character. I think we got a glimpse of that when we see Oogie interact with Shelley Marie in Villainous.

(More under the cut)

... Hold that thought for a few minutes...

I like how Belle can be the serious Mom type of character at times with this game and I love her for it. I said it once and I'll say it again, WHOEVER IS WRITING THE DIALOGUE FOR THIS GAME DOES A GOOD JOB STAYING IN CHARACTER FOR EVERYONE!

Maleficent I'm on the fence for, but at least there's a hint of a redemption arc. And how the game tries to put her and Belle together for some reason?

I didn't take a screenshot of the chat after this, but Sulley laments on the Scare Floor being messy and Rapunzel offers to clean up...

One could just see this as Oogie wanting to be included in all the fun, and he is, but it's just so wild that after everything, the antagonist just joins the heroes of his free will.

Note: I wanted to wait until I got Oogie myself and write a oneshot I was planning that takes place after this chapter. Still a wip, but I'm working on it. I got into chapter 6's intro and yes, Oogie does go to the Snuggly Duckling with everyone!

Now, for the moment you have all been waiting for. After all the grinding and buying and the INNER TURMOIL, IT HAPPENED.

On July 3rd at 2:04 pm:

I GOT OOGIE BOOGIE! FINALLY!!!

It's a struggle to get him up to my high-level characters, but it will be all worth it. Currently, my Oogie is around 450 power and at level 25. Still at one star. I need to practice with him to see how to play him properly. I still don't trust myself to have the AI play Oogie yet. I noticed that I like keeping my distance from my opponents and dodging them. With Oogie, I have some trouble because all of his moves are close combat/short distance. There have been times I activated his special ability and missed. Might have to look at strategy guides, but that's my experience so far with him.

[exploremybusiness]

Memories have no expiration date.

F’ed if I try win and F’ed if I ignore it.

A memory is a weird thing. It changes with time. It evolves – as if to say “ …hey I’m not done with you, I just sat there in the dark – growing in the shit you fed me to make yourself believe you are ok”. A memory does not come back the same way it was dealt with – it changed form. It also does not come back to test my resolve, willpower to overcome it, or even to test if I am “strong enough”. No – it simply comes back to fuck me up! No other reason. I mean why wait 20 years – patiently in the dark. It waited this long to drop this whole new concept on me. It waited, gave me time to understand it because offcourse in 20 years I could become a "better person" – a potentially more delectable disaster given the abilities I supposedly developed - in part from the 3rd person deductive perspective - I say this because getting over shit was best done form a passenger or partner perspective in this game -not my direct point of view.

In the mean time memory mastered waiting, looking, learning and then whispered: “ I backed off back then because sure as fuck you could not handle me, and I needed to live a little longer so I stood back – allowed you to think you dealt with me – because of how pathetic you were then. look at you now, I think you are ready to be fucked up properly this time, so I have a challenge for you! Consider how you were seen back then, look at what you were blamed for, understand that they still hate you, still blame – you ! It was pity, not love – you were to weak – no one and nothing moved on, you could move in the world they all see, but the world WE share - that’s where I waited – you were ignorant, but I appreacite you underestimating me ”

What a waste of fucking time to go on with my life, it was never about trying to be a better person or prove to myself that I am stronger than the blows life threw at me - it was always about surviving. If I had known that memory had fuck'all intention to be remedied or managed to the extent that I can live with it, then what? Instead it grew in an energy found from nurturing the ability to forget. Memory – a slave to fear – was told: “Go, Now! Hurt!”

20 years of growth, development and resolve = was it enough? Can I do it again? While I figure it out, and try to understand this new point of view – or strategy of attack. I must smile and be friendly – friendly sells, sell people on “oh what a nice guy”. But I am on my horizon – I’ve reached an end, an end maybe of dealing with a memory or it dealing with me. However fact is that memory does not go away, but blessed are those it does relieve of its fucking presence. Remember and somehow prepare yourself to be fucktup by it when you least expect!

[idkimnotreal]

i think i was unfair to him when i caught him staring and all i wanted at the time was to confirm that he was gay, because it seemed unbelievable. so i laid a trap, i was waiting, i was not delicate. i threw him in the unforgivable cold sea. of feelings. naked, naked to me and only to me.

after i knew that he was gay, something like in the span of 3 seconds, i also knew that he was staring because he liked me. then i became self conscious and shy. that he did see. my body language, the way i shrunk in my chair. that's the picture of me: someone who knows a lot about the world, but who is never comfortable in it for some reason. and if we get into a relationship, he'll see that the way i acted then told him a lot about the person that i am, and that i don't want to be forever.

then the first time we talked... to his credit, he did create physical proximity. he sat next to me. it's like "hey, i don't know what happened, but i can't get you out of my head, so i'll just make it your move if you want to so i'm sure i didn't just waste a great opportunity". it's what he was trying to say, i guess. i don't think he was sure i would ask, "can i join you guys?" that day.

he had all reasons to be cold to me that day. and he was. he made no effort at all to make me feel included. he just said, "here's your canva link, do your part of the thing and that's it". this had very bad results for me. i'm already bad at making it into a group of people. no wonder, i'm autistic, so on and so forth. i was embarrassed in front of the class because i couldn't communicate properly with the group to say that i didn't want to do a presentation. the entire class laughed, and then when we sat down i became visibly nervous, i needed to stim so i started fidgeting with my backpack, on the floor between my legs, looking down (note: i was not nervous because i was embarrassed. i was nervous because he was next to me and it was too much). i apologised to them because i wanted to lay the ground for us to work together again, so i needed to make it okay right then, and i did it. but i was still nervous. that day, he was the first to leave the room; he left his friend sitting there and sort of just bolted or darted, i don't know, they usually even arrive late together (wait for each other outside the room) so i think that wasn't normal behaviour for him.

maybe what was going on in his head was the same thing that was going on in mine. i thought that i had proved to be a disappointment, that my inability to chat with him made him lose interest for sure, and that's why he wanted nothing to do with me and if i was the reason he left so soon and so quickly, that proved that. in contrast, maybe the reason why he was frustrated is because he saw that he acted cold when he didn't need to and that made me feel unwelcome and he had just lost me, without even trying. maybe he thought that at the time. i think we both thought we had ruined things.

then i added him on whatsapp, which he could see because my picture showed up for him (he has done the same now, just a week later). i did that on that same day. i'm not that easy to disappoint or discourage. i may be mad or frustrated or sad but i don't give up on people i like. i tried to recognise our gestures for what they were: the failings of two insecure young men. nobody's to blame for that. i wanted to make him feel welcome no matter what. in my arms, in my heart, in my eyes, because that's what a relationship is about if i want one.

it's odd to see if from third perspective. not mine, not his, but a 3rd one. he was still acting cold last tuesday, but he did try to include me in the group - he asked for my input sometimes, which he didn't last time, and he even asked about me at one point. yet he didn't smile at me. i guess it's easy to jump to the conclusion that he doesn't like me. but i don't know what goes on in his head. maybe his feelings are a lot stronger than i think, maybe it was a full blown crush or something. and i had no idea of that at first, so my actions might have been harsh. it's a good thing that he's not the unforgiving type, nor am i. i think i may have been a bit of a jerk, but i didn't want to. to expose him like that and make him feel like a failure, i hate that i might have done that. above all, i can't accept that he might really like me that much. it's strange. to have someone like me, it's like i can't understand it so it can't be true. the way i am to his eyes might be completely different to the way i am to my own eyes. in the movie "agora", hypatia seemed very aware of that, that she was not the image her student had created of her on a pedestal, but she that didn't seem to confuse her any bit, she just knew it. i, instead, am confused. maybe, in fact, i want to see what he sees...

i just don't want to hurt him.

[daddy-pops]

Astrology Observations✨ (part 1)

Creds to @omgits_ella on insta🥺💕

(this is also my first observations post ever, so pls don’t take anything i say to heart)

(based on a Scorpio sun, Virgo moon, Capricorn rising, Aquarious stellium 1st house perspective😉🔍)

If you want to know how someone acts based off of their placements, just look at the element their placement is in. Their element should explain/show you how they would react in certain situations. For example, fire elements usually react impulsivily and aggressively because they’re represented by fire. Fire moves quickly, without thinking about anything in it’s path and it can grow or simmer as fast as it started in the first place. (Tbh, you can apply this for any placement I feel like).

Virgo Moons really tend to detach themselves from situations to sit back and analyze what just happened. They tend to be huge overthinkers. They need to figure out why and how something happened so they can properly come to a solution. Can easily become obsessive.

Aquarious Mars usually need space during/after arguments whether they want to admit it or not. When they don’t get that space, their anger can be quite childish and explosive. Similiar to Virgo Moons, they detach themselves from the situation when they do receive that space. But, they detach themselves emotionally.

I feel like Virgo personal placements in general are usually obsessive about cleaning / having things be cleaned.

Virgo Venus in a relationship usually says lots of things like, “Look at all the things I’ve done for you.” and “I do so much for you.”

Scorpio Venus’s are SOOO obsessive in love. Especially if it’s mixed in with more Scorpio or Virgo placements. They feel love so deeply and intensely, on a level that’s so unexplainable but beautiful. The negatives to this is that, they are prone to stalking love interests.

Venus in the 9th house can appear to be really hot and cold with attention. They pull back and become distant because they want to be sure you’re the one they want (and vice versa).

Virgo in the 11th house want to help people, especially their friends and loved ones. Like personal Virgo placements, they love listening to your problems and giving you advice. They know the true meaning of friendship and are willing to go lengths for you if you show the same effort being reciprocated. (my best friend has this, and it’s such a sweetheart placement☺️).

Virgo or Capricorn in personal placements can really enjoy working. They find it as an outlet for them (plus benefits 🤑).

Mars in the 3rd house, Gemini Mars, and Gemini Moons need an outlet to talk when they’re upset. They need to logically discuss the issue with somebody so they can process the situation.

Gemini Mars in undeveloped people can be scary. Their anger can be so explosive, impulsive and violent. Their constant racing thoughts take over so they just snap.

Virgo and Capricorn placements love lanuage is by spending quality time with you and by doing little things for you☺️

Libra Rising’s are such sweethearts. They try to always keep the peace and avoid the drama. They usually hate confrontation unless they’re influenced by Fire placements. They’re social butterflies and they just want everyone to like them.

Gemini Rising’s are so scatter brained with everything. They always need to be doing something.

Gemini Rising’s are always socialable, it doesn’t matter what other placements are in their chart. When you first meet them, they are always open to a conversation and are usually really friendly :))

Taurus in the IC are SOOO stubborn. People have been telling me my entire LIFE how stubborn I am. It’s so unconcious though, I don’t even realize.

Virgo Sun’s with Fire Moons are usually so outgoing, friendly and social. But their emotional outbursts can be explosive and extremely critical of others, self centered.

I feel like Gemini Moons and Fire Moons can be emotionally self serving whether they see it or not.

Having a lot of Aquarious placements can make it seem like someone is an entirely different person / have a different personality online.

((if this gets alot of reviews i’ll do more))

[angsty-nerd]

Meta: Echo’s Big Fight in 3x09

Let's talk about the Big Echo fight. Because wandering around in the fandom this past week, I’ve seen a lot of very specific conclusions as far as what they were or weren't arguing about, and I’m not sure my take on that scene really aligns with other folks. So let me try to break it down a bit and give y’all an alternative perspective on it.

To start with, the scene opens with Max on edge because they're breaking and entering. Liz is singularly focused on the mission, and he's kinda freaking out. Instead of responding to his concerns, Liz gets straight to business.

"Ooh, ooh, this is interesting. Heath left Genoryx two days after I did. Must have realized he didn't need to be working underneath their corporate thumb."

Liz is kinda projecting here. Heath never once displayed any discomfort with Genoryx as a company the way that she did. He wanted her to stay. He wanted the resources there. We know these things as an audience, and Liz would too if she was thinking through the big picture at this point in time.

Max, on the other hand, doesn't know any of that. Here's what Max hears from Liz: he hears surprise. He hears Liz acknowledge that this is unexpected news. And right as he’s processing this unexpected reveal...Max sees Heath's Wild Pony t-shirt.

Weird coincidence #1 from Max's POV was Heath (the guy who is currently so pissed at Liz that he won't take her calls) supposedly rescuing Liz's science out of the good of his heart so that Genoryx doesn’t get their hands on it? This doesn't add up.

Weird coincidence #2 was Heath quitting Genoryx - a decision Heath made that Liz wasn't expecting.

The Wild Pony t-shirt is now the 3rd thing that doesn't add up. And if the t-shirt clue isn't adding up for you, see my post about it here:

The T-shirt is strike 3 for Max. He can't really pretend that he's not suspicious of Heath anymore. So he broaches the subject with her.

"How much do you know about this guy, Heath? How close were you?"

Max is feeling uncomfortable and looking for more information. He's trying to make the clue make sense. Why would Heath have the T-shirt? Does he have a connection to Roswell that Liz doesn't know about? And Liz doesn’t listen.

"This isn't the time to be jealous about a boy I met."

For all that Liz is clinical and on mission, she jumps very quickly to assuming that Max is NOT on mission. Yes, Max is inherently more emotional than she is. But throughout the episode he's been asking questions about Heath and NOT JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS. That's one of the keys to me here. Max really is trying to give her the benefit of the doubt about him.

At Liz's house, he asked about "the boyfriend" but he wasn't doing it in a jealous or judgy way. If anything it could almost be interpreted as concern. He started with "were you happy" and only when Liz kind of metaphorically admitted that any happiness was a façade...that's when he brought Heath into it. And yeah, Liz says that he impacted her life and helped her grow, but she didn't exactly express romantic feelings that would make Max jealous. So when she basically jumped straight to the jealousy assumption instead of actually discussing this with him, he starts getting worked up. Because she is not hearing him. She is not acknowledging that the facts they have found during this investigation are not adding up. So he is honest and blunt about what he's thinking.

"I'm just saying it's possible that he took your one-of-a-kind alien spores and quit, so that, just like you, he could use the research himself, free of Genoryx."

Max is the one who brings the science into this conversation. Not Liz. And he's not criticizing or questioning HER application of the science. He's questioning the trustworthiness of Heath. Because the lies are starting to jump out at him like a friggin’ neon light.

BUT — now that he's specifically brought up the science, he has her attention. Because Max questioning her science is HER sore spot. So what does she say back to him? Something kinda judgy.

"That grand trust speech certainly had a short shelf life."

Side note: I really don't think there actually was a "grand trust speech" in this episode. I can think of a few scenes where there might have been an opportunity for one. In particular during the milkshake scene when he admits to saving her tapes. But they actually don't talk about trust in that scene. They talk about having hard conversations. They talk about moving forward instead of looking backwards. But they don't talk about trust. My guess is that there might have been content cut for time at some point in this episode, that may have included some grand declaration from Max, but that's really just speculation on my part.

Regardless…Liz's response to Max bringing up the science is to basically accuse him of not trusting her. Which is not what he was saying. He was not questioning her use of the science. He was questioning her trust in Heath through the context of her science. So he elaborates on what he IS saying, and as he does, he's getting more and more worked up...because this does relate directly to his personal fears, and, frankly, his buried trauma that he's never properly addressed.

"I trust you. Okay? But I don't trust some guy I have barely met with a secret that could endanger me, could endanger my family and break the frickin' Internet if it came out."

Max doesn't know Heath, and he doesn't trust Heath with a secret that could endanger Michael and Isobel. His emotions are escalating, because now he's thinking about the science that scares him in the hands of a guy that all signs points to being potentially untrustworthy, and he's triggered.

BUT he doesn't back up his argument. He doesn't point out the very specific evidence he's identified that Heath is probably lying to Liz.

And Liz is inherently reactive and sometimes overly defensive (see 1x09 list of Liz's flaws). So even though he's focused on Heath, she immediately reacts defensively and takes it as a criticism of HER.

"You think I would let myself be conned?"

"No, I think you came out here looking for a partner, and it could blind you."

*deep breath* and this is where it starts to get personal. And rough. Max isn't entirely wrong here. But he also kind of is. Liz didn't choose Genoryx for partnership. She was looking for resources, freedom to do the science she wanted to do, and to save her father from deportation.

But partnership? Yeah, Liz wanted that. But she wanted that from MAX. She was looking for partnership in life, not in science.

And now that Max has thrown that direct criticism out there, Liz is going to throw a bomb right back at him.

"Just because you sabotaged me when I thought you were mine does not mean that Heath would take the same path."

Ouch. This is the hardest line in this whole scene for me to work with. Because it is combative. And purposefully hurtful.

BUT…she is NOT TALKING ABOUT HER SCIENCE. She has not said a single word about her science in this argument. She moved past that. She had the epiphany that she was wrong and she apologized (3x03). That is in the past for her.

This argument, for Liz, is about betrayal. This is about her believing that they were going to be partners and move their lives forward together (2x12), and right when she believed in that future, Max made another massive decision that directly impacted her life (just like he did in 1x13) instead of working with her to make big decisions together.

"And just because you changed the wallpaper doesn't mean you've mended your blind spots."

I really hate this "change the wallpaper" line. It feels like they're mixing metaphors. Liz called her life a commercial. Max is saying that she's changed her decor. Like...pick one and stick with it.

That aside… I think this barb is about her arrogance. Earlier in the scene, she seemed baffled at the idea that Max believes she could have been conned by Heath, because Liz is used to always being the smartest person in the room. She thought she was smarter than Diego and he figured her out. She believed her lab was secure, but Diego (possibly) got in. Sometimes, like most scientists, Liz is so bogged down in the complicated, brilliant details she’s thinking through, that she misses simple things that contribute to the big picture. And I think that's what Max is getting at here. In her arrogance, she believes that she can control the Heath situation. But she's not acknowledging the human factor here - that Heath is a person who may have his own unspoken ulterior motives driving him. Just like Diego did. She's just not seeing what Max is seeing.

BUT - again I'll say. Max is also not communicating the scope of the evidence he is collecting. They're both wrong here.

"I have learned my lessons, but you... oh, my God, you sound an awful lot like the guy who blew up my lab. So forgive me, but you're making it perfectly clear why I felt like I had to go and change the wallpaper."

This is the only line where Liz even comes close to talking about her science, but again, she's talking about his betrayal. She's talking about him undermining their partnership. She's talking about her need for a change of scenery from HIM.

And that’s when Max blows out the safe and they put the fight on hold to finish their investigation.

But, to sum it up…the fight was all about trust and betrayal. It was necessary for them to work through it, though frankly? I wish they could have finished the discussion. Because instead of them coming to some sort of peace with their trust in each other, the truth came out about Heath, Liz realized that she was wrong, she apologized, and they moved forward together, on mission.

I can’t help pointing out though…after the fight and Liz's epiphany about Heath, Max and Liz spent at least 15 hours in a car together. And I'm sorry, I refuse to believe that they didn't talk about anything important for 15 hours. Fic writers assemble? 😆

Many thanks to @ober-affen-geil for doing a quick review and checking me on opinions vs facts. Very important.

And for my next trick… road trips, life choices, and Robert Frost! Coming soon to a Tumblr near you…

[lampmeeting]

Hey I’m working on a fic and I really like the way you write Toki so I wanted to know if you had any advice for capturing his voice

oh wow!! :O this is really flattering and SO sweet, thank you fish! yeah, lemme see if i can organize my thoughts in a way that makes sense (i apologize in advance if i don’t, which... yeah i probably won’t haha)

Let’s bust out the capital letters and write this properly though. All right, so here’s a collection of things I think about when writing Toki:

he can be hypervigilant at times due to his childhood trauma, looking out for other people’s emotions

he’s also optimistic to a stubborn degree and sometimes gets carried away with that without meaning to (I think the intense optimism is a protective measure he developed as a kid)

he feels very deeply but doesn’t always know how to express that, which can lead to frustration and second-guessing himself

he’s smart but due to spending most of his life either in an abusive household with no proper schooling or in a mansion with servants, he’s got some serious gaps in his knowledge and social skills, so he can seem weird/spacey/stupid at times

enjoys activities that make him feel “grown up” since he’s not used to being viewed as a capable adult (i tend to write him older, too, so it’s especially difficult for him being constantly treated like someone much younger than he is)

The thing about Toki, too, is that he still has these very innocent, childlike views and opinions. A kiss and a hug should make things better. Ignoring a problem might make it go away. When someone is mad, they must be mad at him. He can be very reactionary, unless he doesn’t feel completely safe, in which case he might feel everything the same way, but be much more subdued and observational, or if he feels VERY unsafe might even retreat into himself entirely to try and escape (I also think that when he feels safe with someone, that’s when his playfulness/brattiness can sometimes pop out, which is why he’s like that a lot with the boys because he feels comfy around them).

And then of course he IS prone to just wildly explosive episodes of anger. No one can keep up the :D 24/7 with without a good outlet for negative emotions. I like to think art and making models can sometimes help him zone out and deal, and of course we know he can abuse alcohol to cope with bad feelings, but when he doesn’t have any of those outlets readily available shit can sorta boil over. It’ll always seem to others like it came outta nowhere, but Toki was probably feeling it build for a while until he finally couldn’t take it.

I feel like I’m not doing a very good job of this haha... sorry. My thoughts are always really scattered and trying to wrangle is difficult. I also tend to put a pretty fair amount of myself and my own thought process into Toki because I’ve come to relate to him the older I get, so things tend to get a bit muddled.

Basically, to me, Toki is a sensitive, socially-stunted adult man who desperately wants to be perceived as someone capable and worthy of respect, but he also wants to cuddle his teddy bear and sing silly songs and fall in love and be a mushy, goofy motherfucker, and I think he’s always trying to figure out how to find that balance that allows him to have it both ways.

And as far as, like, his actual dialogue goes, I tend to keep him in shorter sentences just because they’re easier for him (and let’s face it, me) to deal with. A lot of his “dialogue” tends to be nonverbal, too (I think? or at least it is in my mind). Expressions, what his hands are doing, how he’s positioning himself, etc. I try to keep the plurals as minimal as I can while still staying true to his canon way of speaking. If I could get away with season 1 Toki, I would, but unfortunately by the time the later seasons and Doomstar happen, he’s talking more and more like Skwisgaar (and throwing in a random 3rd person just like Dr. Rockso does...). And then it’s always fun to try and have him use words he can’t really remember how to pronounce, or maybe he uses a similar-sounding word in place of what he means to say (”blowjob” instead of “nosebleed”).

Just for like...example purposes I guess, here’s my favorite lil’ bit of Toki dialogue I’ve ever written (from What You Need, near the beginning when he’s out with Magnus):

“Thanks for coming out with me, man.”

“I’ms the ones what should be thankings you.” Magnus gave him a curious look and Toki blushed and kept talking. “Well, um. Ams just nice to gets away from everyones for a while.”

“Yeah,” Magnus said slowly, rattling his ice. “How’s that all going?”

Toki didn’t want to think about it too hard. The alcohol was making it sting. “Nots great. Nathans and Pickle ams still hatings each other. And I can’ts works for Murderface anymore ‘cause of thems photos on the news.”

Magnus stifled a wheezing laugh behind his glass, cleared his throat. “I, uh. Saw that. Just terrible.”

Toki put his head down on the table and groaned. “Whats ams gonna happens to Toki, Magnus?”

(I love sticking in those little bits when he refers to himself in 3rd person, it’s so silly and cute.)

Anyway, I hope this helped in some way?? Sorry for writing you a novella here. If you have any follow-up questions I’d love to take a crack at ‘em! :D And thank you!!!

(PS - also I should mention that @sourbat writes an exquisite Toki that really inspires me and they’re phenomenal at explaining their thought process, so if you’d like another perspective you should totally hit them up)

[biaswreckingfics]

I GOT SO MUCH TO SAYYY!! gosh pls dont find me weird okay, and these are just my personal opinions and im not hating any groups!! but my unpopular opinion is: i think kpop has become very toxic after bts and bp got famous in America. And tbh if you ask me, i wouldnt want any other kpop groups to be famous in America... i only stan exo but i think i speak for all groups when i say they are safe as they are now... of course if exo ever get even more famous i will be happy and proud for their success. But look how fame and America has changed bts and bp... not tryna hate but look theyve changed, idk if anyone else noticed but after fame hits bts, i realised how theyve start to become very...white?? like they are so westernised and like example, they start focusing on America only, they even curse (not a lot but i’d still point out) casually like for example, jungkook singing a curse word in his cover song for jason derulo savage love i think (speaking of cursing, after nct127 got famous in usa mark started getting influenced by them too and he casually cursed like “oh fuck” and everyones like 😃😆) even i curse and im not saying cursing is BADD but yeah i am, and how they sing a whole song in english, not to even mention how toxic america is but in grammys they have sold tons of albums yet they didnt win anything but when they release an english song, they won.

Some half of them americans are very toxic, racist, and just theyre basically acid, like bruh, its evident that once bts got famous there are soooo much hate thrown towards bts too cuz theyre asians, or how some would say theyre gay or look like girls...if my favs (exo) ever get these kinds of treatments (not that they dint but veryy little cuz thank god they ain exposed to the western culture) i will B R E A K, i could never handle that so i would never want that to happen to them. Also noticed how, after bts got famous, most armys are equally as toxic, whether they are just stanning bts just cuz theyre famous there, or like how their fans dont even know anything abt bts and coming after so many groups and their fans. Most of them are fake and i think its cuz of the fame for bts lmao. One thing i’d like to say too tho, is how they are so overrated and their songs are played all the damn time, people would randomly talk abt them, like everywhere you go THEY ARE JUST THERE, like in my opinion if i am an army, i would just feel like they are so common and theres nothing special about them anymore and theres no excitement, like what even is the point anymore. idk if anyone gets me but thats just how i feel about my favs being “wOrLdWiDe fAmOuS”, i will love them and their music but its just something i think about tbh🤷🏻‍♀️ like let me listen to them on my own and vibe and love them, dont play it 24/7 just cuz they are famous and ure tryna get people’s attention, like imagine ure in the subway and u hear ur favs song cuz its EVERYWHERE and ure there like 😐😐 not that u dont love their music but its cuz horrible people dont deserves to listen to their songs, and like people arent going to appreciate them anyway so yeah i feel uncomfortable listening to my favs as others dont even bother, like imagine if that subway is filled with people who are in ur fandom, yall would just hv the best time in the world and VIBE, if not what even is the point. Idk if im explaining it properly, but its badically like, u feeling UNCOMFORTABLE or should i even say SELFISH cuz u do not want to be sharing ur favs with people who dont even deserve to KNOW about them. Basically like seeing how someone you HATE or bullied you back then talking and being all friendly fake with ur BESTEST FRIEND or even boyfriend/girlfriend, cuz u just want to protect them from EVIL (im so dramatic)

And well lastly, no Bts did not paved the way, or “bts is the best and only group” like no, so many amazing artists were breaking records way before bts was even a thing (no hate to bts) but they really need to get slap for having that mindset, they really make a bad image for bts...tbh kpop before was so peaceful (a little toxic but still, compared to now...BYE) and everything was just about idols and fans love, listening and supporting and loving their music and just so comforting... urgh anyway thats all i wanna say and here are some texts i saved relating to kpop groups going famous worldwide uwu

these are also examples, and honestly speaking here, i dont want to be specific as in “exo” cuz i think this happens for ALL the groups out there and the love and relationship between the idols and their fans (family) are just beautiful, but for bts and armys... tbh i feel bad because i just dont see or feel any love they hv for each other (sure we see bts saying i love you armys or armys supporting bts but with all the toxicity in their way, theres just no spark or chemistry or bond no more it’s basically like one direction and their fans and thats all they are, celebrity-fan, but for kpop its family), i can see other groups and their fans interacting or how idols would light up talking abt their fans, but for bts, theres just soooo much mess going on in their fandom its not special anymore, they lost the deep meaning of their group love and IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT but YEAH DJSHSKSJ OH and to add somethign else, they got famous in America, look at all the collabs🤡🤡 blackpink with cardi b, bts with nicki etc... not that collabs arent fun... im just saying these american artists... they dont exactly have a good reputation (americans singing about sex (not the good kind), money, girls and drugs) 🥴🥴 dont influenced my faves and let them be exposed to the toxic culture YALL GET ME?? KPOP HAS THE LETTER K FOR A REASON😭😭😭 let them be their own shining star, not everything has to be involved or a part of aMeRiCa to be amazing.... PHEW IVE SAID IT NOW BEFORE ANYONE GETS MAD AT ME, I DONT MEAN TO SOUND RUDE TO YOU, if youre an american and youre no where near being toxic, I LOVE YOU but im just saying, the western culture is toxic and im just saying what ive been observing and noticing🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️ ps: i still love exo till the max and everything about them is perfect and theyre just amazing people (everything i said that bts and armys dont really have anymore, i think thankfully, EXO (sorry im biased) most fandoms still have so much of the L O V E there and i find that extraordinary) and he fandom is so comforting and amazing and idk dkdjjdjss thats why i dont want them getting famous worldwide...sorry exols ANYWAY THATS ALL FOR MY RANT ITS 4AM AND I AM THINKING OF DELETING THIS💀💀💀 anywya sorry for taking up so much space but i just wanna say I FREKAING LOVE NO EXIT, NO LIMITS, basically all ur exo fics cuz why not🥺🥺 i think ur writing skills are amazing as well as the plots and all especially forsaken, and THANK YOU for two bbhxoc fics😭😭😭 i cant!!! also if u reached here idk i-🥲 i hope u didnt get mad or offended 👀

Reply under the cut!!

Kpop has become extremely toxic with the growth of international fans and the rise of 3rd/4th gen. I wasn't around to experience the previous generations, but I know damn well they weren't a mess like these newer ones are.

Gaining fame in America does seem to change idols, and idk why. The group members change and the music changes also. While I do enjoy hearing idols swear (guilty pleasure) and I am an American so I get to enjoy their English songs, I can see how it makes all the other cultures/countries feel some type of way.

I will say this, though, the Grammys are shit and I dont get why people care so much about them. They've proven time and time again the awards don't go to the best artists. However, this doesn't mean that I think BTS deserved a Grammy imo.

Americans are a very toxic and hate filled bunch (again, I am one, so I get to see this shit every day). I 100% know that some of the hate directed towards Asians is because of racism (as seen by the insane uptick in crime against Asian Americans right now) and because some see kpop male idols as too feminine.

BTS is literally everywhere, which is one of the reasons I stopped listening to them tbh. They'd be in commercials, on talk shows, late night shows, in magazines, on the radio, just everywhere. It took the joy out of watching anything from them just because they were always in my face, so I can see what you mean.

I feel like the relationship between BTS and army has changed (from an outsiders perspective). Its no longer about loving and supporting your group and being happy for them. Now, its "so-so wants this? We MUST do everything in our power and spam every possible thing ever so they get what they want". Its almost frightening. They also no longer care about the quality of the music being put out. Doesn't matter what it is, they stream the ever loving shit out of it and make it break records when, honestly, it doesn't deserve to (again imo).

Lastly, I didnt get mad or offended haha. I understand a lot of these viewpoints, and thank you so much for liking my work!! I do wonder what would happen if I made a true BBH centric fic and not just spin offs or continuations of previous works where oc ends up with BBH 🤔🤔 I think that fic would have too much power haha.

[cold-neon-ocean]

Concerning the comics, do you dislike Thanos himself or the Black Order's previous (?) affiliation with him?

A mix of both but primarily the former. Thanos is my least favorite fictional character in existence so I’ll always grind my teeth at The Order’s subservience to him seemingly without much reason in the earlier comics aside from “they’re evil and Thanos is the biggest evil so they worship him!” because to me it’s boring. I don’t like god-mod characters and Thanos is the epitome of that trope. “He’s so powerful that only gets defeated by the heroes because he subconsciously wants to lose as punishment, isn’t he just the most tragic villain ever ;A;” gags

Regarding The Order’s affiliation with him I don’t.. MIND it, in fact I do like it as a set up for their coming together, I just wish it was written where the characters had some more agency and Marvel would actually allow them to move on once he’s gone. Admittedly with the Thanos 2019 comics they did seem to attempt this (despite how many holes it poked in the known canon among other things), and I liked some of the ideas presented, mainly The Order starting out as hired mercenaries with Proxima and Maw, I loved that a lot, and how their loyalty is conditional so long as they are benefiting from the partnership (maybe not as flip-floppy as they were in the comics) and are willing to dip out if they aren’t. THAT I really like even though that was clearly never the case in previous comics lol. The problem is that I- love Proxima SO MUCH, and I hate Thanos SO MUCH so my brain doesn’t want her anywhere near him, especially as some mindless lackey because she deserves better lol. Also my issues could stem from my primary introduction to The Black Order came from the MCU where they are VASTLY different characters than what they are in the comics, and far less developed so I had a lot more room to headcanon and make up my own stuff about them freely before I started looking into them in the comics (which could also explain my mixed feelings about how they’ve been written lately in the comics post-Thanos). I do want to preface that I don’t have a complete knowledge of The Order’s history because I can’t find complete lists of all the comics they’re in. Though from what I can find I’ve read most of their content if I’m not mistaken, but I’m sure there are some more obscure minor appearances that maybe explain some things that haven’t been listed anywhere that I’ve missed.

If I were to throw in my input and talk about MY rendition of The Black Order which is how I choose to write them based on my own personal tastes in my side AU where the Marvel Universe is much less CONVOLUTED(the same AU all my Ronan and Crystal content exists in), I have things set up jumping off the initial ideas of Thanos 2019, where the mercenary group Maw and Proxima were in were initially hired by Thanos, with Cull (I refer to Black Dwarf by his MCU name because I like it better lol) and Corvus being added later. And the affiliation is very conditional from The Order’s perspective. The Order are always watching and judging and gauging whether or not the partnership is worth maintaining, Maw and Proxima especially, and even though I try to write for Thanos as little as possible because I hate touching him and only do what’s absolutely necessary, he can feel the pulls of their defiance at times (with Proxima ESPECIALLY) and has to really think about how he holds onto them, hence the change from hiring adults to kidnapping children who are much easier to condition. Think of them as akin to the hyenas and Scar in The Lion King, loyalty and a willingness to do as they’re told until they stop benefiting from it (though the fear of being hunted down and killed for disloyalty keeps them there as well) and later on realizing, and some having known from the beginning, that they’re meant for more than just being servants and want more for themselves. But that’s in my perfect would. 

What I mainly don’t like about how The Order were written under Thanos in the canon is that they’re just lackeys with not much to them, we know nothing about them like when or why they joined (prior to Thanos 2019 ofc but even then we still don’t knew when or how Cull and Corvus came into the picture), just that they did and that’s all that matters. They’re there because they’re evil and that’s about it, they’re blind followers with not a single thought going on in their own heads. That did change over time of course but The Order are STILL functioning under a “what if Thanos comes back” basis, like they’ll have no choice but to go crawling back to him whenever/if he does because that’s just what they do? I knew Marvel would never keep Thanos permanently dead in the comics like they said they would lol I called bullshit on that from day one. When Maw mentioned Thanos’ return in Star #5 I rolled my eyes so hard they nearly fell out of my mouth because I KNEW that was coming (though I do appreciate how Proxima didn’t give a single shit about it lmao). There was also something said preceding the Black Order solo comics in 2019 about how Corvus will still ALWAYS choose Thanos above all else, even his wife and brother, which made ZERO sense??? and also I wasn’t sure why this needed stating when Thanos was canonically dead in the comics following the statement that he’d be perma-dead. It felt like they just weren’t gonna let him grow as there was always that possibility they’d bring Thanos back and send The Order right back to him, undoing all the development they’ve done without him like they’ve done before. I remember when Thanos made Corvus kill himself after he returned and formed a new Black Order and Proxima just... didn’t react to it, though this seemed to be retconned after the universe reset so I’m still confused about that. I also think about how in the Death Sentence novel (and I know this kind of exists in it’s own separate universe but just discussing the overall mentality of writing The Order), again Corvus in particular is written like he needs someone to lead him or he can’t even properly function and he even has a full blown emotional breakdown when he realizes Thanos is back and I just… hate it. Him and Proxima “needing” Thanos to be their god and lead them it’s just stupid and weird and I can’t stand it. I remember Proxima even makes an internal statement about how Corvus falls apart when he doesn’t have someone leading him???

So my main issue in regards to Thanos’ affiliation with The Order as it’s written in the canon is that they’re written as if they can’t do anything without him, ofc this is all before the big universe reset with The Challenger where Thanos is supposedly dead for good but we all know that isn’t true. They were given some agency when they were on their own but with the mention of Thanos in the recent Star comic I have… little hope for them remaining their own thing. They talk about how they don’t want to be servants and how they want to do their own thing then the writers have them fall right back into their old beats of being servants for someone and chasing infinity stones and worrying about what T fucking Hanos will think when he comes back and I just…….. want more for them. I want them to be more fleshed out as characters and have actual ambitions and goals that align with their actions. Because they’re such interesting characters that I genuinely love(well most of them) and have a lot of potential, and I want to see them grow and develop and actually follow through with what they say and not get dragged backwards every time the plot requires them to. I’m still catching up on all my Black Order related comics (there aren’t a lot of complete lists of their appearances out there for me to refer to sadly but I’ve read most of the major ones I believe) but all I really want is for them to finally and actually be able to move on from Thanos. Especially with Corvus because (prior to Star #5 which I’ll expand on in a sec) it makes him look fucking stupid to have him default to “we chase the infinity stones because that’s what we do” after having them talk in previous comics about about how they want to be different and work for themselves, and Black Swan is like “chasing the stones has only ever made us miserable, whymst are we doing this???” and have her bring up valid points about how they don’t need to and Corvus is still just like “nope, nope we gotta.” and doesn’t even explain why. And now apparently that ‘why’ is because they expect Thanos to return? Or at least Maw does? I choose to believe that Corvus wanted the reality stone because it could give them some protection from a possible return of Thanos and allow them to stay together and do as they please like they want. To “forge their own reality” as Corvus said in the Death Sentence novel ironically, that would at the very least be a reason to continue infinity stone hunting that I’d be on board with.

I dunno, lol perhaps my lack of the full scope with missing a few things from sporadic comics and just my own personal views and tastes regarding the characters clash a lot with how the canon wants to portray them and at the end of the day that just is what it is lol. I didn’t intend this to get so long and.. rambly, the subject of Thanos in general gets me on a soap box and I never know how to get off aah. But yeah I hope that made some semblance of sense? The main gist of the story was really that sentence about loving Proxima and hating Thanos so I just naturally want her nowhere near him; and it was actually that affiliation that put me off of The Order for so long before I finally saw the light and realized they’re all vastly more interesting characters than he is LMAO. But I’m gonna stop because this just hit it’s 3rd page in my google docs and I’m starting to get embarrassed wheezes :’D

[rigelmejo]

as usual the learning stages are so weird. reading in particular Constantly feels like a rollercoaster of: i’m drowning in unknowns, oh cool i understand what i don’t understand and its a slog looking up words/interpreting but i’m managing, this is kinda doable and not exhausting anymore!, oh no i’m drowning in new unknowns

at each iteration, each step feels a little tiny bit easier. Like me ‘kinda doable and not exhausted’ feels much more relaxing/less mentally draining to me now than it did on month like 6. my level of overall ‘this is horribly hard’ is diminishing. Still though, when i forget the longer perspective, in the short term it keeps feeling like an up down rollercoaster. to be fair, each time it feels ‘easier’ for long enough, then i will move onto harder material. so it makes sense the up down rollercoaster of difficulty continues.

anyway it is. blowing my mind lately. Because i’m at the ‘doable and not exhausting anymore’ point again! Only this time, the reading material is 寒舍, 天涯客, 盗墓笔记 - novels I found horrifically difficult in the past. Yet now I can a few paragraphs in a row before I hit unknown words, and now I can sometimes go through whole sections without looking up words and probably follow the plot and just miss some details. Right now the only hard step is me getting into the ‘reading mood’ because the actual reading is bearable, just requiring dictionary lookup if I want to study all the new words. Which is just... very overwhelming as a concept to me. its so cool. its overwhelming.

at the same time though! i know eventually i’ll get through this patch, and start realizing what new things i DIDN’T notice i didn’t understand before. And then it will get hard and draining again. Still, I’m really excited about it while I am in this part of the experience.

It also makes me want to try some extensive reading again - where I read one of my physical books, and don’t use a dictionary at all. Or only for key words at the end if they kept popping up, and i desperately want to know them. I know every time i do extensive reading - particularly that kind, the hardest kind, i am exhausted easily. Its hard! At best I can strain to follow the main idea! But I think it does spark improvement! And maybe a harder challenge is what I need to become motivated. Or just what I need in general. Since eventually, reading that way is the goal, when I do it I’m practicing the final goal.

Also I feel like such a baby! Like?!!!! I tried extensive reading at month 5, 7, 8, etc!!! When it was MUCH harder, AGONIZINGLY harder!!! I STILL managed to endure it and read the Kunlun intro in Guardian, some paragraph passages in guardian, some chapters of MDZS, some chapters of Mo Du. Like??? I read through 2 chapters of mo du with no dictionary before!! I think it was back at month 8 or 10? But like i am being a chicken to be scared to do it now. When clearly i could suck it up and bravely do it before when i had less knowledge. In a way, I think its funny - the more you learn, sometimes the scarier things become, because you realize JUST how many details may be there that you could miss. When I tried to extensively read earlier on, months ago, just following the main idea was an accomplishment! Now that I should be able to grasp it, then i also expect myself to be able to catch the details - which is harder work, more focus, more expectations to meet. 

Anyway some mostly unrelated notes to self:

Parallel reading english and chinese is a quite relaxing/lower effort way to practice reading. I did that earlier today with an english and chinese translation of a fanfic - its easy to match up unknown words to their definitions, see how words phrase together differently to convey similar things, and the only hard part is when I run into unknown hanzi since I can’t pronounce them. Similarly - reading dmbj in chinese, within days after reading the english chapter, makes it much easier to read through. Because I know the general plot, when i encounter sentences with words i can’t figure out even with a dictionary or sentences with grammar i can’t interpret for certain, the general plot knowledge helps me know whats going on enough to continue reading. 

My speaking skills need some vast improvement. Just like with reading - the more experienced I get, the more i realize i haven’t even noticed i needed to do and learn! I was working on tones the past few months, and now that’s a touch better (still not much). But can i say a sentence quickly/fluidly? No. Can i say anything at a quick pace? Probably not. Do i still forget tones or screw them up when saying a sentence, especially one at a decently quick pace? Yep. I was watching John Cena speaking chinese of all things, and the language learning form was like ‘his efforts admirable but he doesn’t even have conversational ability.’ I listened to him, and his word choice was basic but sufficient for the conversation. He was able to respond immediately in chinese, which was the most impressive thing I think - no slowing down to think how to word it or which word. While he probably made some mistakes, it did show he has an active vocabulary and that he can actively put sentence together without delay. I didn’t necessarily hear tones well in what he said, but his pronunciation sounded recognizable to me. So if that’s not conversational? How good must one be to be conversational? For the conversation he had, it seemed fine? And so now, of course, I’m like “well my tones are weak anyway that’s just that. they’re even weaker in a sentence. my grammar’s weak when producing. my word choice usually requires me to pause to decide if i need to tone change based on surrounding tones in the sentence. i cannot talk as fast as him period. i cannot form sentences so confidently. mm.”

i probably know many more words? in comparison? since i know a solid enough amount now that chinese subtitles in shows i can usually read all hanzi now, its just learning some new words/sayings made with those hanzi. i can read manhua fine. i can read easier novels ok, and harder ones with a dictionary. i know i have a very long way to go, but i feel i know more than 2000 words now, and 2000 ish is usually what they recommend for daily life casual conversational ability (how are you/did you do x/you think x/you ask about x/etc). and in typing i can type pretty quickly and have an active vocabulary. but truly when speaking, i start overthinking if i’m doing the grammar properly and if i need to switch tones for 3rd tones and just slow down a ton.

also my grammar rn? its a hot mess. Reading? Phenomenal, easy. Grammar does not really confuse me in reading - sometimes a new word or phrase does, when i’m trying to figure out how its interacting with the overall sentence meaning. But grammar usually doesn’t (except that gongzi huanxi novel for some freaking reason). But when I produce? For some reason when i DO overthink and try to determine how to word something, i will sometimes fuck up my grammar so much that my sentence becomes incomprehensible and the person i’m talking to asks ‘what do you mean?’ Yet when I don’t overthink and just start talking/typing, its usually fine. BUT that means its incredibly hard for me to self correct. I am fairly sure I’ll just have to continue building a large vocabulary/reading ability, then when i’m ready, just read through some grammar books and practice exercises until i develop the proper patterns. 

Like??? the other day i had to ask someone something like “what’s the name that you use in real life?” because we were chatting online. But i overthought the sentence after i typed it, then rearranged it thinking ‘oh i have to put ‘what’ question word in a different location etc for grammar reasons.’ Then they were like ‘what??? im sorry i don’t understand what you’re asking.” Even though it was a simple sentence, i knew all the words. But i overthought how to ask it and therefore made a completely incomprehensible sentence somehow messing up the grammar when i tried to ‘correct’ so badly it became impossible to understand. And this was the same conversation where they asked why i liked to read the books i recommended. And i was able to say a long paragraph with long sentences about how “i found poyun on a reccomendation list when i was searching for more books like mo du, i love priest’s novels and i love mysteries so i was looking for a similar kind of well written story. i like boy love stories if i happen to find them, since i’m bi and its nice to find love stories i feel more able to connect to. but i like all kinds of stories if the character writing is good, and the plot is meaningful.” Like... i was able to write all of that off of the top of my head in chinese without looking things up, just typing. And i didn’t re-read it to check for grammar. And the person understood just fine and responded. But when i asked something as simple as “what name do you use in real life?” i overthought how i was supposed to word it and became incomprehensible! So for now, I’ve been just speaking/typing however the sentence comes to mind. I’m fairly SURE im making grammar errors, but i’m having more luck being understood that way. So i’ve sort of just resigned to the fact that later on when it becomes a priority, that’s when i’ll sit down with a grammar book and drill out the patterns and correct any ingrained-mistakes i might have. 

[aparecium-hq]

Welcome to Aparecium, Cat! You have been accepted for Matilda Nott. This is Beth speaking and obviously I have some bias toward Matilda, but both Kat and I think your take on her adds so much that should be very fun to play out on the dash. Check out the new member checklist, and jump right in.

Character Basics

Birthday (Age):  May 3rd 2004 (23)

Gender (Pronouns): Female (she/her)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Blood Status: Pureblood

Hogwarts House/School: Slytherin

Occupation: Aspiring singer

Faceclaim: Barbie Ferreira

Any requested changes? Nope

Biography:

When Matilda was born her grandparents had gifted her a beautiful, ornate, silver rattle. It had been decorated with intricate silver flowers embedded with diamonds, a gold snake twisting up the handle with eyes of emeralds which peered at the newborn who looked back, completely perplexed. The long silver handle was far too thin for her tiny hands to grip properly, and the rattle head too heavy for her to lift, let alone shake. Matilda’s mother had quickly ripped it away from her when they found the baby with the rattle end in her mouth, trying to chew on it and covering it in dribble. From that moment on the rattle lived in one of the Nott mansion’s many hallway display cases, out of reach from Matilda for whom it was useless for anyway, and on display.

Matilda always tried to please her parents, she just often found herself confused at what they were expecting from her. Their standards were impossibly high that she often wondered if they were setting her up for failure. As a child they expected perfect manners, her face to always have a polite smile and for her clothes to stay pressed and neat. While Matilda said her please and thank yous, smiled graciously at guests, and made sure to never spill her food down her front ,by the end of the day her hair had always fallen out of its tight braids and her skirt had become wrinkled. While Theodore and Juniper’s friends thought of Matilda as the perfect daughter that they all wished they had, Matilda often saw her mother purse her lips and look scoldingly at Matilda while brushing the creases out of her dresses. She was good enough not to be punished, but not perfect.

During her school days her parents expected Matilda to be top of every class, for her to make the right friends and for her to keep out of trouble. Matilda studied hard in the library, handed in all of her homework on time and achieved Os or Es in nearly every subject she took at O.W.L and N.E.W.T level. Her teachers generally thought favourably of her, complimenting her classwork and praising her work ethic, but with every E on her report card, Matilda was told by her parents she needed to work harder. Good enough to not get a howler, but not perfect.

Matilda was sorted into Slytherin and largely kept her friendship group within her house, the only notable exception being Saoirse Finnigan. Her parents, while not knowing the extent of the girls’ relationship, knew that Saoirse was not the kind of girl Matilda should be friends with. Every time her parents asked if she had stopped spending time with “That Hufflepuff Girl” and insisted she spend more time with her Slytherin classmates  Matilda was reminded her choice of friends was good enough for them not to make a fuss, but not perfect.

Matilda started to get bored of this in her teenage years. She knew she would never be perfect in their eyes and had many restless nights wondering if it was even worth trying anymore. There were times when she considered just telling them to go screw themselves - she’d written out speeches she wanted to yell across the dining hall. She wanted to tell them that they couldn’t control her, she was her own person and she would do whatever the fuck she wanted. These daydreams increased in frequency when she realised she was in love with Saoirse.

It had happened slowly. They’d been friends for a while already when Saoirse had asked her out on a date. It had come as a complete surprise to Matilda who had never bothered to think much about relationships - she was going to marry some handsome Slytherin boy that her parents liked, that had always been the plan. She’d agreed to the date anyway though. The excitement of this small rebellion, a few dates with the Hufflepuff girl, was enough to satiate Matilda’s need to stick it to her parents. Not that they ever knew, of course. Just picturing their faces was enough for Matilda, it would have been far too scary to actually tell them.

A few dates lead to a few more and Matilda was enjoying herself too much to think about how painful it would be when it had to end. But it did have to end. Matilda had always known that, even if she’d neglected to tell Saoirse. It was selfish and wrong, even Matilda knew that. Five years together and she neither had the courage to tell her parents they were together or tell Saoirse it would never work. It was ultimately Saoirse who had to walk away, leaving Matilda alone and heartbroken.

After graduating from Hogwarts and splitting with Saoirse, Matilda found her back living in her parents’ mansion, under their thumb once more. They had this idea that Matilda should become a classical singer. She’d had singing lessons as a child and had shown some talent for it. She’d been in the Hogwarts choir and often had solos but she was not professional material. It was a delusion of Matilda’s mother, who adored the opera, that one day they would sit proudly and watch Matilda in her favourite opera The Magic Flute. Matilda was not under the same delusion as her mother, but she did as she was told and attended auditions. What was the point in protesting? It was the first time her parents had thought she might be good at something.

It was a special kind of humiliation being rejected from every single audition and seeing her mother’s disappointed eyes every single time. When Matilda suggested she might be better suited to something more academic, her mother scoffed and reminded her of the smattering of Es on her report card. Besides, Matilda was of the age that she was expected to marry soon and at that point a full time job was out of the question. Singing might offer some flexibility.

The idea of being wed was too painful for Matilda to think about, her break up with Saoirse still feeling like a fresh wound, but after a couple of years of Matilda dragging her feet her parents chose for her. Raphael Selwyn. Handsome, smart and from good stock. She’d resisted the idea at first, but it was futile. If she wasn’t going to fulfil her parents’ wishes then why had she thrown Saoirse away? It wouldn’t be such a bad life. She’d learn to move on, learn to be happy with Raphael, learn to finally please her parents. At least now she was too busy choosing wedding dresses with her mother to embarrass herself at auditions.

Character Questionnaire

How does your character feel about their family?

Matilda’s relationship with her parents is full of complex emotions and confusion. They always treated her well enough, spoiling her with material things, showering her with love on the very few occasions she managed to reach their impossibly high expectations. She felt she had no reason to complain but their snide remarks and disapproval of even the slightest slip up on Matilda’s behalf upset her deeply. She is constantly trying to please them even though part of her knows she will never fully succeed. It doesn’t stop her trying.

During her teenage years at Hogwarts their relationship was more strained. Matilda had ‘bad influences’ around her (namely That Hufflepuf Girl that her parents disliked so much) and for a period it had made Matilda want to rebel. That’s over now. Back home with them she has become resigned to the fact that she will always live under her parents’ thumb. She has accepted that, and now that she has their relationship has improved, particularly the relationship with Matilda and Juniper, her mother.

In recent years Juniper has become quite unwell and the healers at St. Mungos are not hopeful about her recovery. Still, she has some time left and Matilda plans to make the most of it. Maybe before her mother passes they can fix the strained relationship between them and finally Matilda can earn her approval. All Juniper wants to talk about is wedding dresses.

What does your character value in a friendship?

If Matilda were asked what she values she would say she wanted friends who were kind, polite and considerate of others, just as she tries to be. In reality Matilda is drawn to people who excite her - people who force her to see the world from a new perspective. Deep down Matilda wants to be stolen away from her current life and live forever in an adventure book and this is reflected in the people she admires and wishes were her friends.

How would a stranger who has just met your character describe them?

Matilda is polite, courteous and will laugh at any joke - so long as it’s not in poor taste. She is nice to everyone, regardless of their background. She knows how to keep a mood light and friendly. When most people meet her they find her incredibly dull.

Matilda is unable to delve any deeper than small talk with strangers, keeping shallow conversation about mundane topics that couldn’t possibly offend anyone but they never excite either. It takes some time before Matilda feels comfortable talking about anything more interesting than general chit-chat and by that point most people have written her off as a boring pureblood girl with no thoughts or opinions of her own. This isn’t entirely untrue. While Matilda strays from her parents beliefs regarding magical integration she never voices these opinions and in other areas she just believes what she is told to believe. She is so lost and confused as to who she is and has been so used to hiding it from her parents and the rest of pureblood society that strangers only see the veneer she’s invented to keep her safe from her parents’ judgement.

Para Sample

Cake tasting, dress shopping, seating arrangements, flower choosing, hiring a venue. The list seemed to go on and on and on. They hadn’t even set a date yet! Surely they didn’t need to start thinking about all of this now? It seemed ludicrous to plan for an event that might not even happen… She wasn’t really supposed to think that last bit though.

Matilda sat at the large dining table in the Nott’s mansion, fingers running over different sheets of lace absent-mindedly. She was supposed to be picking her favourite lace, for what she didn’t know.

“Honestly Matilda, you’re going to ruin that lace running your greasy fingers all over it,” Juniper snapped, snatching the lace out of her fingers. “Now which one do you want?”

There was a correct answer, Matilda knew this. Her mother had already decided on a lace and it was her job to guess which one she wanted. She surveyed the selection properly for the first time.

“I like the pale purple, with the birds.”

She appeared to have made the right choice as Juniper pursed her lips and folded it up putting it in the pile with the rest of the materials they’d chosen that day. She only paused to reprimand Matilda. “It’s called lilac. Pale purple, really!”

Matilda didn’t reply, nodding sheepishly. Her mother was in a particularly foul mood today and she knew better than to argue back. There had been a problem with the house elf or something. Matilda had long since checked out of the conversation counting down the hours until she was free to go. First, decisions on silk trimmings had to be made.

After several hours of this, Matilda was finally excused. It was a blessing to have even part of her day left to herself and expected her mother would send her to the music room to practice scales for the rest of the evening. Juniper was tired though, and Matilda could tell she simply didn’t have the energy to listen to Matilda’s warbles and announce when she was flat. It was an awful thing, to be secretly a little bit glad that her mother was unwell because at least she sometimes got the evening to herself but she couldn’t stop the thought passing her mind. She immediately felt guilty.

“Would you like me to run you a bath, mother?” Juniper just shook her head insisting she was just going to sit in the drawing room with Matilda’s father Theodore for a while. Read a nice book.

“Would you like to join us?”

“Thank you, but I might meet Raphael this evening since I have the time.” This was a straight up lie, she was hoping to escape and find something a little more interesting than spending time with her new fiancée. She’d been avoiding talking to, or even thinking about him. Still, the lie gained an approving smile from Juniper and Matilda was free to spend her evening how she wished.

She rushed to put on her winter coat excited to leave her family home and escape from the constant wedding discussions. The cold chill hit her face as soon as the front door opened making her cheeks burn red, wind tossing her hair around. She made it all the way down their gravel path and onto the street before she had to make a decision - left or right? Where was it exactly she wanted to go? Where was she escaping to?

Matilda paused trying to think of anywhere she could go. She could just go sit in the Leaky Cauldron. By herself. It didn’t seem that appealing. Arrive unannounced at a friend’s house perhaps. But would any of them be happy to see her at this time? It seemed rather rude to not send an owl ahead. Quickly all her excitement drained out of her and after a moment of silence Matilda turned on her heel walking back up to the Nott mansion.

“You’re not seeing Raphael?” Theodre asked when Matilda took a seat next to her mother in the drawing room.

“No, he’s busy tonight.”

[culebratia]

Honest opinions on horror villains

Okay so I love horror villains and horror in general. Most of them are really interesting and have a sort of grotesque charm to them that I can’t really describe, it draws you to them and pulls you into wanting more. But there are some horror villains that are either overrated and underrated, and today I’m here to discuss some of them! (I’d like to reiterate that I don’t hate any of these characters, I actually like them all! But I’m just talking in a general perspective and my view on their popularity and the actual movie they come from.)

LESLIE VERNON

* overrated.

* okay, I know, people are going to get upset at me over this. This was an amazing movie, they said. It’s so new and different from the others, they said. And I completely understand that! It’s unique and inventive and I love the whole premise of the movie, but goddamn did it bore me..

* I like Leslie Vernon as a character, but I don’t love him like I do with other characters. He’s cool! I adore his slasher design, but his personality bores me a little bit at times. There are some points where my emotions and feelings on the guy are a little bit like a rollercoaster — up and down, up and down, up and down. It’s crazy.

* once again, I like the concept of his movie, but the way it was presented in a filmmaking point of view is underwhelming.

ART THE CLOWN

* underrated.

* there are three movies I know of with Art in them: The 9th Circle, All Hallow’s Eve and Terrifer. And all of them are equally shit, which is to be expected since it was written and directed by a young guy who specialises in special effects. But damn was Art interesting to watch.

* there are some points in the movies where I think “why couldn’t he have starred in a better made film?” because if that were so, he’d get so much more publicity! Art is an absolutely terrifying demon clown creature, way more scary than Pennywise, and people from around the world should know his name! He’s the only character in all the movies who actually has good actors.

* shitty movie, fantastic character. I hope to see more of him.

MICHAEL MYERS

* overrated by a milestone.

* look, I’m all for Michael Myers. He’s hot, lemme tell you that. But he’s a really boring character. It’s all the same (apart from the 3rd movie)! Michael returns to his hometown to find and kill Laurie, killing a whole other group of people who she happens to be involved with at some time during the movie.

* when I watch a horror movie, I want to have the villain to have some sort of character. At least with Jason, you can see some emotion in him which defines him as a whole! But with Michael? He’s a clean slate, and that is soo uninteresting.

* first two movies were great, others were unneeded honestly.

BILLY LENZ

* underrateeeeed.

* stinky attic boy needs some love. He is what started the slasher genre for peats sake and yet everyone overlooks him as a horror villain. Let me tell you, that phone scene in the beginning was absolutely fucking terrifying when I first watched it, and it’s still unsettling to this day even after I’ve watched it a million fucking times.

* we never even got to see Billy’s face properly throughout the whole movie and yet he made such an impact on everyone who ever watched Black Christmas! And that ending scene? Perfect cliffhanger. (The remake was shit compared to the original)

* great movie, great character, needs more credit.

BRAHMS HEELSHIRE

* overrated.

* bet y’all are shocked at this aren’t you? He’s the character I most often write for. But that’s really because he’s heavily requested. I actually don’t really like him all that much, too much exposure I guess. I mean I have nothing against his character as a whole, he’s attractive to me and interesting but I don’t actually know.

* now the movie is something I do know about though: bullshit. Absolutely terrible. A basic plot line (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing sometimes, it just needs to be played out right) and a director which results to cheap jump scares because apparently that’s ‘scary’. The movie as a whole is so predictable and it never scared me once when I went to watch it at the cinema. I can understand why people like it though.

* decent(?) character, bad movie.

OTIS DRIFTWOOD + family

* underrated.

* okay this might have something to do with my weakness for Bill Moseley, scarily cute women and clowns, but man do I love the Firefly family. Each and every character, even the ones we barely see, within the family is so perfectly polished and unique, and I love Rob Zombie for it. He can’t write dialogue for shit but man do I love his horror villains.

* although the first movie was very confusing at some points. Like, what?? What was with that ending? It was a very good movie in my opinion and was actually pretty horrifying. It used things that disgust us and manipulated that to terrify every single one of its viewers and that’s perfect. Hated the protagonists though.

* fantastic movie, great villains, shitty protagonists,

FREDDY KRUEGER

* overrated.

* now don’t get me wrong, I love Freddy, I grew up loving Freddy. He’s witty and fun to watch, maybe not like Chucky, but after a while he gets so repetitive that it gets really really annoying. Couldn’t they think of something unique and interesting for him to say instead of him just calling everyone a bitch??

* the writing becomes boring after a while, the directors add so many unnecessary features, weaknesses and powers we had no clue even existed up until this very point, and it’s overall not a very good franchise when you get into it. I enjoyed the first and seventh movie a lot, but all of the other ones didn’t really excite me all that much.

* okay character, okay movie, but isn’t worth all the attention.

NUBBINS SAWYER, DRAYTON SAWYER, CHOP-TOP SAWYER + GRANDPA SAWYER

* un👏🏽der👏🏽ra👏🏽ted

* these boys deserve just the same amount of attention that Leatherface does. I know that Bubba is a really cool character, and he deserves attention too! But that doesn’t mean that his family get to be left out. Each and every single one of them helped shape the Texas Chainsaw franchise to what it is today, and honestly it wouldn’t have been as amazing without them in it.

* Texas Chainsaw has so many metaphors within it nobody really goes into. When we first meet Nubbins and he’s kicked out of the van, Franklin very obviously points out “would you be able to do that?” referring to Nubbins slicing his hand up, and later on we see Franklin blowing raspberries at his friends due to the fact that he couldn’t go upstairs because of his disability, which is exactly what Nubbins was doing when he couldn’t get into the van. This area is the director exploring the ways that people could so easily turn into madness without people realising it.

* Drayton Sawyer is your average looking fellow who runs the Sawyer household, but he is not average at all. He’s sadistic, witty, hypocritical, and surprisingly still a Christian. He claims that he “doesn’t like to do the killing” and yet he’s shown constantly poking and prodding at the final girls like they’re some caged animals, living only for the pleasure of himself. The fact that he’s an elderly man basically screams “wolf in sheeps clothing”, because usually when you see an elderly person, you assume them to be kind and wise, whereas, Drayton can’t even spell ‘sex’ correctly.

* Chop-Top wasn’t present in the first movie sadly, but it’s explained why, which is understandable in a filmmaking perspective. He is probably the most terrifying character out of the bunch. He’s impulsive, disgusting, and absolutely fucking insane. Whether or not this is due to his time in Vietnam I don’t know, but man does it make a great affect. And that time in the movie where he was introduced? It was absolutely heavenly. No one in today’s horror industry would build up suspense like that and cause so much raw fear from a petty jump scare. The fact that he carries around his damn brothers corpse like he’s puppet, treating him like he’s still a living being adds onto the scare factor as well.

* great villains, good movies, everything after TCSM2 wasn’t really very good though.

Okay, now that’s over and done with! Let me show you my top ten favourite horror villains (from actual horror movies), you’ll either be completely shocked or completely not! :)

Pinhead — love the creature design. Fantastic personality and concept. Annoyed he’s not a woman.

Bubba Sawyer — baby boy needs love. And affection. And kisses. And basically anything positive. We must protect him.

Chop-Top Sawyer — terrified me when I first saw him as a kid. I wanna fuck Bill Moseley. I love his personality. Wish his movie came out.

Captain Spaulding — funny ass motherfucker. Always cracks me up. I want him to be my daddy.

Hannibal Lecter — interesting in a psychological perspective. Has a way to make your skin crawl without doing much.

Art the Clown — scarier than Pennywise. I wish his movies were better. Why didn’t Terrifier make it obvious he was a demon?

Otis Driftwood — boy’s a hottie. But please stop fucking corpses. Once again, Bill Moseley.

Stu Macher — first fictional crush. He’s my irl type of guy. I dated a guy like him once.

Jennifer Check — movie was ahead of its time. Legit was about having a succubus gf. Lesbian scene was hot. I’m gay for Meagan Fox.

Billy Lenz — terrifying phone calls. Nasty boi. The remakes will never be as great as the OG Black Christmas.

Anyways, so that’s it! It’s past midnight currently so I might just go to bed lol but whatever. I’ve wanted to write this out for a whiiile but decided to just get it over with now. I’ll say it all again: every character I write for, I like, I just have different levels of like, so please no hate over this. Thanks!

[upstartpoodle]

Evens for the WIP meme ask? Thank you! ❤️

Hi, thanks for the ask! Since the number of WIPs I have are well into double figures, I’ll probably just choose a bunch of random ones for these out of the ones I’ve got on my computer.

2. Post a line from your WIP without context.

Once they had returned home, he had wanted nothing more than to head up to his room and hide, but his uncle’s iron grip on his upper arm pulling him into the drawing room had thwarted that wish. He hadn’t dared fight against the man. Uncle Cary had made it quite clear upon his arrival back from school that he expected to be obeyed in all matters, and George knew his future was far too uncertain to risk provoking his only remaining family member with displays of defiance. 

4. Describe the setting of your WIP.

Hmm, I think I’ll go for my JS&MN AU for this one, an extract of which I have posted here. So this is basically an AU set in the universe of the novel Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell--for anyone who might be unfamiliar with it, it’s a book (and a pretty decent TV adaptation) set in a regency England where magic was once frequently practised but has declined after the Raven King, a medieval magician who conquered the north of England with a fairy army, left his kingdom behind to return to Faerie. The fic is set in Poldark’s s1 timeline, so about fifteen/twenty years before the events of JS&MN canon, featuring Dwight, Ross and Francis as magicians, George as a fairy nobleman from a neighbouring Faerie kingdom, and Elizabeth as a magician’s wife whom George ends up taking an interest in.

6. Search for the word “dream” in your WIP. If you find it, paste the line and explain the context.

I haven’t been able to find it in any of the extracts I have on my computer, but I’m sure it’s probably there somewhere in one of my notebooks. Unfortunately the majority of those are in a box over three hundred miles away so I can’t really check through them ha.

8. What is your biggest challenge?

Actually getting anything finished. Honestly, it depends on the individual fic but for a long time it’s been writer’s block. My undergrad dissertation took a lot out of me and I wasn’t really in the mood for writing for a long time afterwards. S5 airing gave me a bit of a kick up the arse writing-wise though, so I’d say my biggest challenge at the moment is trying to figure out where everything goes in my super long post s5 AU where George gets shot by Hanson. At the moment I’ve just got loads and loads of random bits with only a vague idea of what order they go in and how they join up to each other, and it’s getting to be so long I just keep putting off planning it out properly. Also finishing that last chapter of The Cornish Way damn I can’t even remember when I last updated that I feel so guilty about it ha.

10. How would you describe your WIP’s narrative style?

Well, as I’ve already mentioned I have a whooole bunch of WIPs, but I always write in 3rd person (1st person grates on me, both reading and writing, for some reason--I don’t know why). I’ve got several multi-chap fics in the works, some short, some long. Most of my shorter multi-chap fics tend to alternate between Elizabeth’s POV and George’s, but my long post s5 AU will feature the majority of the characters’ POVs at some point, depending on when they’re needed, though since the fic is George-centric, his perspective is the main one. When it comes to my one-shots, they’re usually either from George or Elizabeth’s perspectives, sometimes both if it’s a particularly long one. I tend to lean towards using Elizabeth’s POV for one-shots for some reason, but there’s a fair few from George’s as well, and a couple of angsty ones told entirely from Valentine’s perspective.

12. Which character do you have the least in common with?

Since my post s5 AU includes Merceron, Hanson and Dr Penrose, I’m glad to say that I haven’t the slightest thing in common with any of those three. But if we’re talking about a main character, I’d say probably Ross. The only thing I have in common with him is a tendency to get fed up at parties ha.

14. Have you chosen birthdays for any of your characters? If so, when are they?

Not really--tbh, I’m not sure how many of them, if any, were given birthdays by WG. I tend to headcanon George’s birthday as being in October, but that’s about it.

16. What would your characters be for Hallowe’en?

Well, I’ve got a couple of WIPs set in the modern era which this could work for, but since one of them is a modern witchcraft AU (in which Elizabeth, Caroline, Demelza, Morwenna and Verity live together in Truro as a secret coven of witches, Francis is a melancholy ghost who haunts the building and they’ve never been able to exorcise, and George, their landlord’s nephew, is their baffled neighbour who only puts up with their weird shenanigans because he has a soft spot for Elizabeth), I guess that’s appropriately Hallowe’en-y ha. For that AU, I reckon Elizabeth would probably dress up as something kind of classy, like as an Ancient Greek lady or a medieval queen, something like that. Caroline would dress up as a witch, I reckon, for the sake of irony (Horace, of course, would have a complementary costume :P). Verity, I think, would make a cute angel, and one of those wood nymph/woodland fairy costumes would probably suit Demelza. Morwenna might dress up as a Hogwarts student or something like that, and Francis insists that since he is an actual, literal ghost, there’s no need for him to dress up. George, on the other hand, absolutely does not do Hallowe’en, but they still manage to drag him down from the flat upstairs, put a pair of little Devil horns on him and make him watch scary films with them. Which he hates every minute of. Absolutely. Totally.

18. What’s easier, dialogue or description?

It depends, but I generally find description easier than dialogue. When I have dialogue-heavy scenes to write, I generally write them out in my notebooks basically in script form so I can figure out where the scene is going and once that’s out of the way, I find it much easier to add all the description in around it rather than having to constantly stop to figure out what the characters are meant to be saying to each other.

20. Post a brief excerpt.

So there’s a whole load to choose from, but I’ve decided to go with this one, which is from a ghost Elizabeth AU I’ve been working on ever since the end of s4 and have been really struggling to get on with because there’s so much bloody angst in it ha :--

The days leading up to Christmas dragged slowly on, and with each long hour that passed, George found himself regretting his decision to allow their initial plans for the festivities to go ahead with ever increasing certainty. The Blameys were neither unkind nor insensitive—quite the opposite in fact; their presence seemed to restore some faint but much needed cheer to Geoffrey Charles, and the company of another boy near his own age had restored Valentine to a fraction of his usual liveliness—but he, who had never been a friend to Verity, and was not well acquainted with her husband or stepchildren, felt the constant pressure of their scrutiny, alongside the horrible awareness of his own inadequacy as their host, whenever he found himself in their company. Verity, in particular, had taken to sending him at frequent intervals, whenever she saw him decline a meal, or else stumbled across him staring up at Elizabeth’s portrait hanging above the mantelpiece in the drawing room, what he had come to refer to in his mind as Looks. Verity had always been a kind and well-meaning soul, but there was a distinct pitying quality to those Looks which he had come to both resent and despise. He could have far more easily borne it if she had scorned his conduct. Her pity, however, wounded what little care he could summon for his pride in the wake of Elizabeth’s loss—he had no need to be reminded of the wretched creature he was fast becoming every time he met her gaze.

Finally, after what seemed like an age, the morning of Christmas Eve came. It had snowed once again during the night, and upon seeing the unblemished blanket of white through the window upon waking, Valentine and young master Andrew had rushed outside, accompanied by the Blameys Senior and Junior and Geoffrey Charles, in order to enjoy it. As the young Esther, whom it had not taken George long to discover was somewhat reticent in nature, had elected to break her fast in her room, that, unfortunately, left he and Verity alone together at the dining table, save for little Ursula, who was playing quietly and contentedly with her own feet in her cradle beside his chair. At barely a few weeks old, however, she was not quite an accomplished enough conversationalist to distract Verity from engaging with him. With a barely audible sigh, George reached for a slice of toast despite his lack of appetite in a vague hope of fending off another Look which he was sure was on the verge of rearing its unwelcome head above the horizon.

“I am glad to see that the boys have regained a little of their usual cheer,” she spoke up suddenly, causing George to pause halfway towards taking a bite out of his unwanted toast; a glance her way confirmed that, despite his best efforts, he was being treated to what could only be described as a Look. “It is a terrible thing to lose one’s parent, no matter one’s age, and certainly not a burden one should face so early in life.”

WIP Ask Game

[mistergrass]

Okay so aurgh 

Tomorrow I have another meeting with my pastor -- this will be the 3rd time I’ve sat down with him to talk (the 1st time being when I basically had a breakdown and came up to him sobbing when he had NEVER MET ME because of my dad deciding again that he doesn’t want to talk to me or interact with me for the time being) 

He said some stuff the first time around that kind of fucked me up a little bit and sent me down a weird spiral, but when I met with him again I got to be honest with him and tell him exactly what my issues were with what he said and we just got to have a long in-depth talk about it which made me feel a LOT better and that I definitely appreciated and he asked to meet again which is our meeting tomorrow 

And like it’s an interesting situation. I’m going because of the struggles that I’m having with me and my dad and me and God regarding my sexuality. But I’m not approaching this from the standpoint of... there’s something wrong and evil in me and I need to change and I am this filthy sinner and am trying to convert. 

My issues have just been around... why do so many people believe this, why does the church treat the LGBT community this way, does God really believe I’m this.... lesser person and if so how am I supposed to continue following this? This just seems really wrong and terrible. But I also have reached a point where I know now that I do want God in my life -- which is a long hard journey I had to come to on my own once I’d finally gained independence and was able to make my own decisions and engage in critical thought about the church and religion.

So really these meetings with my pastor are like.... idk lowkey debates LMAO. Where I go in and finally have someone I can just honestly spill all this on and can trust he’ll answer me with the best of intentions and knowledge he has. 

BUT HERE’S THE THING THAT I’M NERVOUS AND ANNOYED ABOUT FOR OUR MEETING TOMORROW 

After our last meeting, he sent me a link to this book to read. I think it’s called “Gay Girl, Good God” or something. I looked up reviews and I just aksdjfhaskf. As expected, it’s about a girl who realizes that her struggles with God and sexuality are something she needs to reconcile and she decides to reject(??) her homosexuality and ends up in a heterosexual relationship after all this struggle. 

And that mad bums me out. FOR A FEW REASONS. My pastor last time asked if I would be willing to talk to people within the church who identified with being lgbt to which I said “yes, but I want to talk to someone who has maintained their same sex relationship while in the church -- not someone who has decided to “convert” to heterosexuality or has decided to abstain from relationships altogether.” And idk that person exists in my church, but then I just get sent this book. 

And I just did not read it. It was a gut thing of “if I do, I WILL have a bad opinion and attitude on this subject going forward with my pastor” and I don’t want to have that when I feel like I’m making steady progress to figuring this stuff out. It was kind of like when I was in undergrad and I was looking for churches and they ALLLLLL were these brainwashed, white bread milquetoast establishments that made me resent my religion more and more. I knew that if I went to one more bad sermon at that time in my life, I would never go back to church again so I just stopped. 

BUT ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT LIKE

My issue IS NOT with my sexuality. I am not struggling with the fact that I am in a wlw relationship or that I’m ace or that I might be grayace or that I have particularly no attraction to men. I don’t wish to be straight like I did in college (which was secular of religion it was just a very confusing ace time lmao). I don’t feel tension or guilt or shame for being this way and I CERTAINLY don’t feel any of those things in regards to my partner and relationship. 

What I’m struggling with is why my dad thinks it’s okay to cut me out and treat me this way. I’m struggling with why the church is so silent on issues regarding the LGBT community. My issue is if God really does have this... idk “conditional reluctant love” for people who are queer. And if so how do I handle that? Because THAT’S the real struggle here grauhsfkj. 

But I’m just worried I’m gonna go in tomorrow and I’ll be treated as this closed minded person for not reading this book that probably has “great perspective” on the whole thing, ugh. And the last thing I’m looking to do is be belittled by a holy man, I’ll just throw hands hahahaha. 

Idk, it just feels like I haven’t done a homework assignment and it’s making me nervous going in like as if there’s gonna be a test or something. And it’s hard to stand my ground because I didn’t even try to read it (which makes me feel hypocritical because I always ALWAYS try and encourage watching material before you speak on it -- which is why I HAVE seen so much mcu so that I can drag it properly lmaooo) 

Anyway I just wanted to get this off my chest but didn’t want to unload in any of the discords cause I know this can be a super touchy topic and my feelings on all of it are very complex and just all over the place. 

man idk lmao