#this just makes me feel even better about myself for mustering the courage to post the christmas tree thing… i made so much moots that day.

[09lover]

I think I already sent yours?? But hey! Better safe than sorry! Even more when it's someone I appreciate as much as you!!!

Thank you so much for everything. You've been so lovely and nice, I remember seeing you when you made the Christmas tree, I still saw you as some random entity on the internet, but followed because of the tree hehe... But then you followed back, and then you sent the first ask, and then I started to send back and... Idk, it's one of those times where I don't expect that I'll get along with someone that easily, it was nice

And then your lovely message on my tree, and you reverse adopting me and you just made my older sister brain go brrr and I became a bigger menace to you!!!

This past few days I've been all over the place and sometimes I fear I bother you too much.... If I ever do, let me know. But... Really, thank you for everything. I'm glad I got to meet you... Thank you for enabling me and letting me infodump jsjsjsj and thank you for just being a nice person

Happy new year! And I'll keep messing with you on this new one!

quite fortunately for you to recheck cause i actually didnt receive it yet.. surprise..? BUT AUAUDHHEHDJSE I ALMOST CRIED AFYER READING THIS STOP!!!!/aff

ill be so for real… i forgot what was the first ask i sent you.. but i can tell it was probablt very awkward because it was probablt and impulse decision since whenever i send asks its my interests overpowering the mental blockage and anxiety WHDJSJD BUT HEY REMIND ME WHAT IT WAS!! I NEEDNTO SEE IT… was it like the hi new moot ask??

i literallt just. pulls out gun and points it at you. you are now my older sister no choice :D/j SJDJSJDJSJ honestly no regrets sending that message.. PLEASE KEEP BOTHERING ME !! whether about specifically something or nothing, just do it… ill always look forward to your asks <333 I genuinely enjoy talking to you even if i may not sound like it. youve just slowly became an actual older sister figure for me…

thank you for findinf the christmas tree… so thay we had a chance to end up like this.. im always here whwnever you need me whether to vent or to talk or info dump… im always one message away!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU TOO!!! ill make sure to annoy you back at some point… rubs hands evilly

[eddyiewriting]

Hi

Soooo, I guess I owe you all an explanation, huh?

I’ve been struggling with my mental health for about four years now. In fact, I don’t think I’ve been okay ever since I was a child. I’m not writing an essay about my life, but to summarize: loneliness, death, self-harm, etc. Lots of fun stuff.

Stories have always been an outlet for me to express myself. Sometimes I spent days without talking to anyone and found comfort in every type of story I could consume—books, movies, video games. I started writing stories when I was a kid, but I never shared them with anyone. The fear of being rejected, of being told I wasn’t good enough, was too overwhelming for me.

I wanted to feel like I was good at something. That I had a purpose. So, I never let anyone see my stories because that way they couldn’t tell me the opposite. I still wanted to show what I created to the world, but I never had the courage.

When I found out about COG, I finally mustered the strength to do that, and even that only came six years after I started reading the stories. When I first posted on the forum, I had a panic attack. My heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to pass out, and I nearly deleted the whole story. Seeing everyone’s reactions, though, was fantastic. That’s when I told myself, “See, you are good enough.”

As time went on, however, the doubts started to resurface. This has nothing to do with criticism. The feedback was nice and very helpful. I’m grateful for the people who took their time to read and help me improve.

The whole problem is me. I’ve been seeking treatment and trying to do better, but sometimes I still have that annoying voice in my head telling me to give up on everything.

I don’t want to give up. I gave up on so many things, and if I quit the only thing that makes me get out of bed, then I don’t know what to do next. However, I don’t believe I’m in the right mental state to keep myself focused on this at the moment. So, I’m not deleting the story, the topic, or my Tumblr. For now, I’m just taking some time away. Maybe one day I’ll be back, but for now, I need to rest.

Thank you all for your kindness.

Freddy has been keeping me company. He always does.

[ozimagines]

I wanted to tell you all something but I can’t quite remember… oh, yeah…

HAPPY PRIDE!!!

I’ve been out for about five years now and it was the best decision of my life, even though I lost people I was close to because of it.

Oz is a large part of what helped me get there. I liked men growing up but I liked women too, and when I learned what Non Binary was (Deep South, no education) I fell in love with them too. I watched I Love Lucy and had a crush on both Ricky and Lucy. I thought for the longest time that straightness was a choice because I assumed everyone was attracted to everyone like I am😂 For those who don’t know, I’m pansexual fem-leaning and gender non conforming in my choice of gender expression even though I’m a Cisgender woman.

Watching Tobias Beecher, who had a wife, fall in love with a man and struggle to place these feelings that are so familiar and yet so foreign at the same time. I assumed since I liked men at all, that I just needed to choose to be straight. Watching him try to understand whether or not he was gay, and finally come to terms that he is who he is and labels aren’t always for him made my coming out easier. In fact, he’s the reason I knew I was pan. Because I liked everyone, like him, and the love didn’t feel wrong or lesser when it was for the same sex or non binaries. It just felt like more love.

Fiona empowered me to start expressing my gender the way I wanted. I still dress fairly femme, but I like to spice it up with masculine features and clothes. I like the androgyny, even if I also like my she/her pronouns. I got to see her break the mould on what gender expression was. And she looked gorgeous every step of the way, so I figured I could do the same. Bought a beautiful black suit years ago to impress a girl, and it just felt right.

And not for nothing, but LGBTQIA+ has a higher rate of sexual assault, and I was a few years ago. I think that’s why I gravitate towards Peter Schibetta and James Robson. I understand what it’s like to be taken like that. To be reduced. These characters made me feel like it wasn’t my fault, like I could grow past it and be okay one day. During this pride month, let’s make an extra effort to be there for our brothers, sisters, and siblings who were sexually assaulted or raped for being who they are.

I know this isn’t my usual post, but Oz is my quintessential show for many reasons. It helped me understand that I was gay and feel safe coming out. It helped me feel seen after my assault. It’s discourse on mental health made me feel like a person again. Oz is, and always will be, the show that made me feel like it was okay to be myself, and I hope others had similar experiences.

Also, I’m white, but for years now, have been listening to my POC brothers, sisters, and siblings to hear about intersectionality in the LGBTQIA+ community. Think Billy Keane; being a POC and gay is DIFFICULT sometimes. Being a POC and being non-binary is rough. Its important this pride that we spend extra time on our POC community and make sure they’re okay.

And finally, than you to the allies. I understand that supporting the LGBTQIA+ community, but I lived in the Deep South, and had some straight cis friends who mustered up tremendous courage to stand by me as I figured things out. Yes, people should be supporting us, but sometimes they do to their done detriment in their social or romantic lives. Thank you allies, for making the world a little bit better for us.

Happy Pride; I’ll be focusing on lots on Pride themes this month (not like my page is super straight anyways lol) and hope to hear requests from my LGBTQIA+ followers especially if you want something tailored to your specific experience. Because I know it’s hard to find fanfiction for certain genders or sexualities, so I’ll try to come up with some in my own, but also hope for your creative inspiration in making this Oz themed Pride a wonderful one!

(Im also going to continue writing the asks I’ve gotten before this obviously, lol. I got some BOMB ass requests and I’m just spending lots of time on them to get them right. Some are characters I’ve never written before so I’ve been binging their scenes. All will be out soon!)

[ploffskinpluffskin]

i may never have the actual courage to put myself Out There and post this particular story where anyone can see it (aka ao3 hhh) but it did make me smile while writing it

The problem, Natori had long concluded, was that Claudius was not handsome. Had he been even the slightest bit charming, or dashing, or even just relatively well-groomed, then perhaps Natori’s stubborn fondness for the cat might have been easy to explain away as mere infatuation. Certainly it would have left him feeling about as frivolous as a lovelorn schoolgirl, but it at least would not be some frustrating, unexplainable mystery.

Today the lavender-coated cat comes sauntering into the dusty church with a large, wolfish grin, stopping before Natori where he is counting their paltry collection of coins only so he can lean smugly against the doorway and wait. Natori eyes him with as much preemptive exasperation as he can muster (...which isn’t much, much to his own private dismay), and excuses his helper (who, also much to his private despair, regards the pair of them with a look that reads as unreasonably knowing). 

“Toldja I’d come back, babe,” Claudius says when they’re left alone.

“No,” Natori begins sharply, nearly interrupting him. “You told me specifically you were not coming back last time. I remember quite vividly.”

“Bahh, I was just mad. You know I can’t stay away from my favorite bump in the road.” Here Claudius moves closer, paying no mind to Natori’s own prim body language, slipping an arm across the other cat’s shoulders and pulling him close with a light hip check. “I’d get too sad.”

“Well, we can’t have that, I suppose.”

“Nope.”

“And I suppose this new wanted poster I’ve seen around has nothing to do with your impromptu arrival. Just a coincidence that you come back to where you can claim sanctuary just as you’re running from the bureau again?”

“Aw, babe, you’re killin’ me. I’m all genuine, promise.”

“Hm. And just what did you do this time to have their dubious attention?”

Here the other cat leans back, evidently finding the wall a better support for this particular position.

“Eh. You know.”

“I don’t.”

“Well, it’s not important.” Spoken hastily, in an all too telling fashion which Claudius doesn’t appear to recognize as such.

“No?” Natori looks up to fix his smug guest with an eyebrow raised over the flattest gaze he can currently manage, and he must manage it rather well since Claudius responds to it by fidgeting with his paws before he seems to realize what he’s doing. “I would never have imagined you as the type to ever say no to a rousing story.”

Most likely appearing more confident and nonchalant than he feels, Natori leans forward against the table he’d been previously counting coins upon, settling his chin against the butt of his paw.

“What inconceivably humiliating mishap must have occurred, I wonder, to make you reluctant to indulge in a little tall tale.”

Claudius huffs, glaring stormily at the paw he’s currently drawing circles on. 

“Sure doing your damnedest to make me regret coming back, babe,” he eventually grumbles under his breath testily. Here Natori finally smiles at him, cool but undeniably affectionate, despite himself.

“You say the same thing every time, and yet here you are.”

“Don’t get the wrong idea,” Claudius sulks.

“That you might loiter here for reasons other than my use as a bump in the road? Never.”

“Good. Glad we're all copacetic on the matter,” Claudius responds first briskly. At least before he adds moments later, almost mopily, “... the view isn't bad either.”

A long silence passes between them after that, Natori abruptly aware of how he is stretched across the table and wondering furiously to himself whether Claudius’ words were intended to be read as an innuendo. The other cat doesn’t leave him long to wonder— padding over, leaning forward so that they’re nearly nose to nose, and all with a wide, suggestive grin plastered upon his face.

“I think you’re happier to see me than I am to see you, babe. I can tell.”

Not that long ago, Natori would have felt quite scandalized by that. He would have recoiled, bitten off some panicked, impulsive denial, and Claudius would have been left nursing a massively bruised ego. They might even have argued bitterly, to the point that Natori might be left wondering if the other would ever return. 

Here, now, still at least patently unsure what to say, how to say it, he manages only a soft amusement, a slightly crooked look of knowing concession. And the effect must be rather novel, as Claudius remains in his spot as if mesmerized for a fleeting moment, and then hastily pushes himself back up again. Natori is not quite so eager to return to propriety, and is even bold enough to take a moment to stretch before straightening. There’s a mute warmth which has settled in his chest, a familiar comfort he’s in no hurry to analyze or dislodge.

“You haven’t had a meal in a while, have you.” It’s not a question. Claudius’ sheepish hemming and hawing is answer enough. Whatever he tries to say This is about in an attempt to seem the suave, rakish charmer he very much isn’t, Natori knows it ultimately comes down to the food.

It’s as they’re moving further into the church, Claudius quite uncharacteristically trailing behind in a dutiful manner, that the fluffier of the two tries, “Warmed up to me pretty quick this time, you know, babe,” in an attempt to salvage that aforementioned pretense. “I didn’t get you into some trouble last time, did I?”

Natori snorts, not turning around, not otherwise explaining himself, and responds idly, “Stranger things have happened.”

[jennilah]

jenna gone got high and started rambling about nothing again

the amount of times ive drawn something that i thought i would be appealing or even only make sense to an audience of me and maybe 2 other people, only for it to get blown out of the water with response is shockingly often

like hoffman and strahm from the Saw franchise getting high together, yeah

but also my nonsense comics about Michael Myers from specifically the Thorn trilogy, the RZ remake, and the Green sequel hanging out like weird brothers

or every time I draw a weird AU like slashers as fish. or mini characters that live in the pockets of either someone else or the normal versions of themselves

any self indulgent crossover ive ever made like Jason hanging out with Godzilla and Mothra

and i do it for every fandom. if anyone remembers my old spn comics and AUs, some of those were off the wall cryptic and nonsensical. to the likes of which i havent come close to recreating

many of these get hundreds to thousands of notes/likes/whatever on various websites. so many people just see my nonsense and let me take their hand, no questions asked

thats it i just think its funny

jk im not done that reminds me,. the results of my dumb little poll came in where i asked what people sort of ideally want from me and im kind of surprised

i think i rambled this already but deleted it bc it felt too dumb but actually i dont think its dumb. i think its really interesting and relieving that people actually want my sketches and doodles and dumb things.

& yea i enjoy occasionally making a fully rendered piece but i mean. its not easy, and im never totally happy with the end result most of the time. but if im only posting sketches and doodles and sketchy doodly comics i feel bad like i feel like im just holding people over until the next piece where i actually put in effort.

but it turns out people are totally ok with stuff that i dont kick my own ass trying to polish. people arent settling for it, people voted- they want it.

and i dont know where this attitude against myself came from because i was never unhappy seeing sketches from artists i like

maybe its the part inside of me, which im pretty sure is inside every artist who has ever experienced self doubt, which makes me feel like i should be putting my best effort into everything. like, if i could only just muster up the courage to fully render some of these comics I do, then they would be even better...

but i wouldnt have as much fun. thats too much work, i get overwhelmed

so, they stay sketches. with varying degrees of refinement and shading.

so idk im glad ppl like them

anyway rambling done i think ive made my non-points

[aesthetic-multifandom-ships]

It's always been you: Tony Stark imagine

Request: I looove your stories so far. Could you possibly make a Tony Stark story with prompts 43 and 44? -Anon

A/N: Hey...wow. okay I'm sorry. I've only got like 4 imagine that I can still do from 2018 post. I went away for a bit on the imagines but I'm back! I'll try to do better! 

Prompts: 43: "I think I've been holding myself from falling in love with you again" & 44: "I'm not going to apologize for this, not anymore"

My prompts: Here

Characters: Tony, Reader

Warnings: Angst, slight fighting 

Its been 2 years since Y/N began living at the avengers tower. You can't even call us a tower anymore really, but it works out for everyone. Each person with their own room specialized for their specific needs. 

For most people this would be the dream, living with the heros themselves, but not for Y/N. She's been tiptoeing around the facility for one reason, the man himself, Tony Stark. He was a narcissist, everyone knew that but Y/N couldn't help the feeling in her chest every time she saw him.

About a year ago she couldn't keep the feelings to herself... And ever since then she only speaks when she's spoken to. 

~flashback~

Y/n walked into the lab with a smile on her face. Masking the butterflies and anxiety that began to flood through her. Tony sat alone looking at his computer at some new blueprints. Taking his hand he motioned across the screen towards the area in front of him, creating a 3D model of his new suit design. Y/N stood in awe at the project in front of her. Tony looked to her an smirked. 

"You act like this is your first time seeing all of this" Tony chuckled and walked over to her side, clasping his hands together behind his back. 

"You and your projects never seize to amaze me Stark" Tony leaned over and nudged her shoulder and chuckled. He didn't respond, he just looked at the model in front of them. 

Y/n's hands became clammy , she hadn't even noticed her finger nails digging into them. Her heart began to race, she couldn't contain her feelings anymore yet it was hard to even muster up the words to say it. 

"What's going through your that  brain of yours?" Y/N hadn't even realized she had been looking at the floor for a good while now, not moving or saying anything. She almost ignored his words until her courage came out of no where.

"Tony" she turned towards him, he turned his head in response. "I think I'm in love with you" his eyes opened in shock as did hers. They both looked at each other, not moving. Y/n's heart began to race and her legs started to shake.

Tony started laughing, breaking the silence. "You can't be in love with me, that's not what I do. I don't dooo "love", it's just a chemical reaction in your noggin-" he softly knocked on the top of Y/n's head like it was a door. "-Nothing too special, it comes and goes" Tony turned back to his project and began working on it as if the conversation never happened. "I'm sorry" was all she could say.

Y/n gulped down her tears that threatened to fall and walked away, heading to her room where she'd be for the rest of the night.

~Now~

Water rushed down Y/n's back and quickly went away as she turned the scalding hot water off. Most people wouldn't be able to stand in that hot of water, but for Y/n…she didn't feel anything. She was use to the heat, especially since she was born with the ability to create fire in any way shape or form, but she was deemed as dangerous. Always kept to the building unless they needed her desperately.

Y/n sighed and brushed off her thoughts as she walked over to her mirror. The steam from her shower fogged up the glass, keeping her from seeing herself. Which was just the way she liked it. Ever since that day, she felt unworthy. Was she just a joke to him? To everyone?

Quickly she got dressed, as she did every single day, the same routine over and over. Since she wasn't allowed to leave the facility she kept to her room. If she was a danger to the world, she'd be dangerous to them too. But was it the only reason? Well that's what she told everyone. The only one who ever visited her was Peter Parker. An awkward young boy who felt bad for her, kept up in her room hiding from the world.

Today was a little different, Peter couldn't visit her today. Something to do with training. Which is why the knock on her door surprised her so much. No one besides Peter bothered to talk to Y/n.

She carefully stood up from her bed that she had just sat down on, slowly inching towards the door. Afraid of what or who was behind it. Another knock sounded just as she grabbed the door knob stopping the person from knocking on the door once more.

The person fumbled forward a bit with the sudden movement of the door. Y/n's eyes widened and her mouth went dry.

"What are you doing here?" Her words came out with a bit of attitude laced with it. She was angry to say the least. Why would he bother showing his face, it's been almost a month since he said anything remotely to you.

"Hmm let me think…, I live here and technically this is MY building? So I'm allowed to be here" Tony tried to make the situation humorous, as for Y/n she definitely didn't agree as she went to slam the door in his face, but was stopped by Tony's hand hitting the door.

"What's going on with you? You're never around anymore" he pushed the door open and walked past her. Y/n rolled her eyes and followed him with her arms crossed.

"Why do you care?" Tony turned around to face her and chuckled.

"Wow, is this about what happened over a year ago now?" Tony crossed his arms as well looking into Y/n's eyes. Her face was laced in shock.

"I-I why would you even think that?" She was beyond angry now, he hasn't once mentioned the situation again not even when it happened and now he cares?

"You've never been the same since. What happened to you?" Without hesitation Y/n picked up a book that was close by and chucked it in his direction. Tony dodged and threw his hands up.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!?" Tony shouted, stepping closer to her.

"YOU TONY STARK, YOU ARE WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME." She sighed and calmed down a touch. "All this time I've been hiding from you, from the pain that I've held onto for so long. I thought I was over you." Y/n walked to her bed and sat down, the mattress sinking under her.

"I think I've been holding myself from loving you all over again" Y/n looked at the floor, she wasn't going to hold it back anymore. She felt as though he deserved to feel her pain.

"Y/n look at me-" Y/n stood back up from the bed.

"No Tony" she stepped towards him "I am not going to apologize for this, not anymore." He didn't respond, all he did was stare at her.

"I've felt bad for myself for way too long. Feeling like I need to keep apologizing to you, but all You've ever done is make me feel worthless. I don't even know how I could love you" tears began to fall from her face. She almost felt relieved telling him how she really felt.

Tony knew how he felt. Since that day a year ago he wanted to grab her and hug her tight telling her he felt the same way. He just couldn't, something inside of him forced it down.

Tears slowly came to Tony's eyes, he looked at the poor girl standing in defeat. Tony grabbed her by her arm and pulled her close to him. Hugging her like she would fall apart if he let go. Her body tensed up in response.

"Tony, what are you doing to me?" She tried to speak through her tears, Tony held her tighter as they stood.

"I'm sorry. For everything, for making you feel unworthy. I'm sorry for not telling you that I love you more than I could ever love anyone." He pulled away from the hug and stared into her E/c eyes. Y/n searched his face for lies, something that would make everything fall apart, but she could tell that he was sincere.

The both of them searched each other's eyes for a moment longer. Tony reached a hand towards her face, rubbing his thumb under her eyes to remove the tears.

"Y/n, I love you. Even if I am just a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist I still have feelings" the both of them giggled, Y/n's head falling down as she did. As she rose her head again to look at him, Tony grabbed her face softly and kissed her. It took her by surprise at first but kissed him back.

It wasn't long before they needed air. The both of them put their foreheads together. Tony grabbed her hand and started to walk to the door.

"Where are we doing?" Tony smirked at her, causing her to raise a brow back at him.

"I'm going to show you the world" her eyes lit up, he smiled back at her as they walked out of her room and into the hall. Greetings from everyone as they passed. All of themselves seemed so happy to see her, warming her heart instantly.

Deep down she knows she should still be pissed, but this is everything she wanted. Everything she's dreamed of.

[lily-in-thevalley]

Worlds Apart

Brian's first concert after losing you, the love of his life, in an accident. (A stand alone one-shot type story, separate from any future posts or stories)

Tw: mentions of death, mentions of self harm, mentions of therapy/anti-depressants

"Hello?" Brian's voice croaked across the reciever, hoarse from having fallen asleep a mere few hours ago.

"Is this Mr. Brian May?" The woman's official tone had him sitting up in bed.

"Um... Yes that's me can I help you?"

"You were listed as the emergency contact for (y/full name)"

***

There was a noticable absence. Like the hole punched in the wall during Brian's last fit it stared at everyone in the room. No giggling while doing eachother's make up. No planning on where to meet after the show. No smiles. Just tense, nervous silence.

Brian sat with his head hanging, the weight of what he was about to do bringing him further down than he thought he could feel. He reached under his sleeve, thinking it was going unnoticed as he scratched at a thin cut that was just now healing over.

"Darling stop" the silence before almost felt better than knowing Freddie knew what Brian was doing. "Can't have you bleeding all over the place on stage" Brian just huffed out what little air his lungs would hold and set to bouncing his leg instead.

He didn't get this way. Brian never had pre show jitters this bad, you were always there to make him laugh and tell him it'll be ok. But this was his first show... Without you. For the first time since he'd started playing on stage he wouldn't have you there. Nothing, not even playing, was a safe place anymore. He'd start playing, remember all the songs he'd written for you, and then shake with each misplaced, half pronounced note till he couldn't see what he was playing anymore.

Brian ducked out of the gentle hand that Roger had put on his shoulder. His voice carried the weight same weight his body showed.

"Please don't touch me right now" that was all it took for Roger to back away, muttering a quiet apology.

"Queen, you're on in ten"

His legs bounced faster, the little scabs on his wrist were ripped off with worrying speed, his eyes darted about the room like every little movement scared him. Brian shot up from his seat.

"I can't do this, I'm sorry I can't-" his lip was starting to turn pink from the abuse he'd been putting it under all month. "I can't play Fred-" a gentle yet firm hand gripped Brian's arm, one that almost sent him back into hysterics. The kind that had them paying for two trashed hotel rooms, unhealthy amounts of alcohol, and now a hole in the wall of a venue they didn't own.

"Darling-"

"No, stop I can't play anymore they're not here!" His eyes flashed with the most intense heat and the deepest pain. Freddie almost stopped breathing for fear of setting him off. It was John that mustered up the courage to speak before anyone else.

"They'd strangle you if you stopped playing" his dead pan tone would have made anyone else mistake it for uncaring and harsh. But they knew what he was trying to do, Roger and Freddie caught on.

"Could you imagine the look on (y/n)'s face?" Roger put on an impression of you "'Brian get your arse out there and play before I do it myself'"

"Guys stop it-"

Freddie jumped in, "'c'mon star boy, you can hear them all begging to see you' can't you hear them saying it?" Brian's breathing got shallow and quick, tears threatening to overwhelm him while he bit down harder on his lip. "And my god the fit they'd have if they saw you biting your lip like that"

"(Y/n) promised not to miss a single show of yours" John got cut off as Brian broke into a sob, his entire frame shaking and sinking back down into his seat. Brian dug his palms into his eyes, paying no mind to any pain that came along.

"Darling... They're not gonna miss this one, c'mon we've got to go out"

"I- I can't play- just makes me think about- I should have-" three hands settled on Brian's shoulders. "... Please don't make me go out without them"

***

He felt it was all only proving his point. Brian *couldn't* play without you. The world was punishing him for even trying. His soul was in tatters, nothing gave him fuel to play. His music didn't have anything to it, just notes while he tried to avoid looking out in the crowd.

Brian's chest constricted while his hands clutched to the 12 string. He could remember you buying it for him and Freddie to share, though he was the only one who played it. Even if it was his, it really wasn't anymore. It was empty. Soulless.

The size of the crowd overwhelmed him for the first time in years, thousands of voices and none of them were yours. He put on a brave face again as he went back on stage. The stool seemed miles away before he could finally give his weak knees a rest.

"Alright" he paused, the sheer mass of his voice making it catch in his throat. "We're gonna play a little song for you guys it's... A lot different than the other songs um-" he looked around at the faces waiting for him to carry on. Thousands and thousands of people and yet he could barely get any words out this time.

"I uh..." He wiped at his cheeks, trying to mask his tears as a bit of sweat. "I'd like to dedicate this song-" he got choked up, his words coming out scratchy and raw "I'd like it to be for my friend" he shoved the mic away before the first real sob came out.

It took everything in his body to keep his fingers moving. With one note he was back at ridge farm with you, strumming lazily in the grass while you curled up beside him. Another note was your first kiss, the cold air on his lips after you'd parted lingering in the present.

"Love of my life, don't leave me"

His breath caught just as it did when he saw you for the first time. He could still feel the way your breath tickled when you kissed his cheek goodbye.

"You've stolen my love, you now desert me"

The tears were flowing freely by now. You had truly, really left him. His love was gone, they'd never come back they were gone.

"Bring it back, bring it back"

Brian's thoughts turned bitter. 'fucking tried to get it back, look where that got me' he thought back to the meds he was supposed to be taking. The ones he decidedly hadn't been taking.

***

"I'm not fucking drugging myself up Fred! They want me to forget (y/n) I'm not doing it!"

"They just want you to take two a day, they won't make you forget they'll just help you less anxious"

"No! Fuck that I'm not taking them!" The bottle of pills smacked against the wall and burst open, scattering them everywhere, where they stayed.

***

"Thank you" Brian hadn't realized they'd finished the song till Fred had his hand on Brian's shoulder.

"You did great darling" Brian just pulled him into a hug and whispered

"I miss them, I miss them so much Fred" the hand on his back helped him get backstage again

"We all do bri, you don't have to hide away all hurt."

Brian pulled him into another hug and let a soft breeze wash over him

"I love you boys" a heartbeat later and the voice was gone, carried away with the wind. But they heard it none the less.

They heard you.

[insufferable-talkstuck]

Redoing this here [sorry for doing it on the main blog] [basically copying and pasting the one I already did but this time im taking it more lightly and also adding stuff 🔥🔥🔥

I am a very stubborn person , one who basically just goes "fuck it we ball" , "do whatever the fuck you want" , is pretty much an hater , and i get really close to people. I also get angry easily , but still somehow manage to keep an "happy go lucky" persona online. Also , I always feel like the world sucks. More specifically, like there are too much bad things to hate , and hating them all and knowing they are happening makes me even more mad. I also have always want to know everything about everyone , and i am almost always seeking out knowladge , even right now. Im also mostly a lurker , due to having a thing about having to keep a "good reputation". I've always wanted to be famous , but just so i could not be forgotten after my death. And I've always thought myself as some sort of attention seeker , which is why [unless present with an anonimous identity] i basically never vent , becouse i know that people have problems worse than mine. Also , due to [as i mentioned earlier] getting really close to people , I've gotten in a lot of toxic friendships , and have only like 5 or 6 true friends. Lately , I've been going through a phase of self reflection. Especially about how I used to act or think in the past. And even about current me. Im very impulsive and uhhh yea i guess thats it 🔥🔥 [btw i am sorry for asking on the main blog but i am not sorry for basically spam liking your posts 🔥] [holy shit i just realized how much of an edgelord i sound]

Prince of Hope

you share a classpect with Eridan ampora.

im not sure how to excuse this assumption of you properly, but as soon as i read your submission the exact thoughts that went through my head were "mind.. rage! HOPE." * so you'll just have to believe me as much as you can muster

Hope revolves around belief, religion, courage, and a black and white view of the world. as a prince of hope you are more afflicted with rage, a powerful aspect that can bring down an entire session

* i thought you'd be a mind player because your wording makes it look like you're concerned with justice, or at least have a strong sense of what you believe is the right thing—but that can better be assigned as hope, the way your beliefs may not seem correct to those around you but you're stubborn in your way

you talk about getting angry easily, don't think i have to break down why that's rage pilled as fuck, but specifically rages description of ‘ a rage player may tear down an entire system if they deem it wrong, and rebuilt it themselves ’ ( highly referenced but not exact quote, cant look it up rn ) really reminded me of you.

If you'd like more closure i suggest looking at Eridan as our prince of hope, this is not my finest most detailed work but I do believe it suits you best, and when a classpect assigner gets a gut feeling you don't question it

[miscling]

Hello

Call me Lin. She/her. If you're not at least 18 dni at all. Don't follow me, don't message me. If I think you're under 18 I'll block you. I'm very interested in finding blogs by people in the UK, who are in the 30-45 age range (similar to myself!). It's okay to follow/interact outside that range though! I'd really like to make lots of new friends of any age!

I'm not new to tumblr, but I've started this blog for hornyposting about kinks and to follow blogs for the fet stuff I like. I'm also queer as fuck, so I'm esp into looking for queer shit to follow. I live in a really dull part of the UK (NE, near Grimsby) so it's also a kind of way to feel like a part of a kinky and queer whole.

I'll probably just sporadically rb stuff based on my kinks. I might start posting some of the kinky fantasies that get stuck in my head, and maybe even write some stories (since I am also a writer). I'd like to find someone to beta-read them at the moment, so I can build up the courage to post some! Scratch that this blog has become a hyperfixation and I'm definitely gonna post stories that pass muster.

I'm using the tag 'Ask Meme' for ask memes, feel free to look one up and send me questions to answer! Copy the questions in so I know which ones to answer! I tag my answers with 'Miscling Answers'. I really like ask memes (I am a complete ask meme slut please don't hesitate I will answer literally anything) so don't be shy! If I reblog an ask meme I'll also send some asks back to you, I'm nice like that.

I also have a lovense wishlist: https://www.lovense.com/wish-list/939q and it would be swell if someone were to gift me toys I could use to play with people on here. I'm a slutty set of holes, a toy for others to use. Fill my mouth, cunt, and ass.

Kinks I practice:

I'm mostly a bottom, but I can switch, I'd be into a sub/sub or switch/switch dynamic with someone.

bondage, the more inescapable the better. Rope especially, but I also love cuffs and padlocks. I am a big fan of stocks and bondage frames, and basically anything that restrains my body.

tickling. I'm a lee, and it's more about the stimulation than anything else. I can't say I'm that ticklish, if I'm being honest.

sensation and sensory play. Stuff like slime, mud, and other goops.

masochism. sharps and biting! I like getting hurt sometimes, and I wouldn't mind a good beating every so often. I'm especially into medieval type tortures and gear.

latex wear, bunny outfits, bondage wear, maid outfits. Dressing up is really fun, if only I was brave enough to post selfies. and it's really east to goad me into sharing my pics if you're nice.

Exhibitionism! I love showing off, from pics to my endless ramblings, I really like just being at the centre of attention.

masks and hoods. I have more than a few masks and I always love adding new ones to my collection. I love wearing masks, even casually.

praise and worship. I'm a good girl, the best. I like being revered and put on a pedestal, but I don't like false or empty praise.

breast milking and nipple play, hucow stuff (moo!). I regularly milk my breasts, though I haven't quite got a good flow yet I'm getting there! I've got some hucow pics on here too: link

Edging. This one's new for me. I knew what edging was, but I didn't know how to get it to work. Someone taught me how, and now I'm a dumb edgeslut who stays horny and compliant. Good girls don't cum without permission, they stay horny and help others get off first.

Hypnosis and conditioning. If I reblog something with a spiral in it, I will tag it as 'hypno gif' so it can be filtered. I am finding hypno and conditioning stuff so hot atm I might just boil off. I am really getting into hypno, and love the idea of being switched off like that. I'm still super new to it, but I'm gaining lots of experience.

Kinks I'm curious about/breaking into:

group, freeuse, drugging, kidnapping, and cnc. I'm definitely not going to go into this sort of thing until I know I'm with someone I can actually trust with my safety, but the thought turns me on.

probably some rp stuff but not much. I want to interact with kink as myself, and get real with it. When I write, I much prefer to work with original characters and settings than work in other canons.

petplay, but I'm a cat, like one of those that sleeps in the corner most of the day, but really likes affection and nuzzles you like a lot.

Into some shit that's more fantasy than reality:

size kinks (I wish I could be like 12in tall or like 12ft tall, I can never decide. I definitely prefer being small, though.)

stuff with ovipositors and breeding, tentacles, and just general purpose monster-fucking.

stuff with robot girls, slime girls, and that sorta thing.

Probably some other things that'll get awakened in me and I'll have to edit in later.

And not into this shit at all:

unnegotiated submission (don't come at me acting like a 'dom')

puppyplay (don't refer to me as anything dog related)

humiliation (don't talk me down and treat me as lesser)

ageplay (I might want a mommy, but I'm so far past being a kid)

sissification (I get it, I do, but I'm a woman, and I do not want to ever be called a sissy or associated with sissification.)

shit and piss (just makes me feel sick)

Basically I like being treated with respect even if we're doing fun kinky shit and I'm not really a person any more. I'd like to talk to people as people, before we negotiate any kind of dynamic.

[sorcerous-caress]

Are you playing the original Pathologic or Pathologic 2?

Oh! The third actually.

It's so fun! Kafka-pilled indeed!

I watched every video I could find on the first game, eventually mustering the courage to get Pathologic 2 on sale but uh.

I'm too scared to touch it, let even start :")

It's so intimidating- so scary-

Ifnwoxjwkd this ask did give me a confidence boost to finally install it so Imma post about how it goes later. I've heard the second game has different endings or something like that? Idk I only spoiled everything there is to know about the first game endings to myself. I do know that it only has the Haruspex route so far, which means I'll wait for the first game sale to play the bachelor and changeling.

Daniil is...eh. i don't get the hype. Everyone youtuber video essayist has some fondness over him. I feel like I'm missing something. They're acting like he reinvented being a tsundere, I could name 5 anime girls with neon hair that act just like him. I actually like Eva way more than him.

ARTEMY THO?? HUSBAND CODEDDD. Ugh that man is hot. It's a little unfair because anyone put next to Daniil will come out on top but especially Artemy is fucking phenomenal. Any character who's good to kids is an A+ in my book. Also he's hot also he cuts people open and stuffs hearts in his pocket like no one's business. Fuck I want him to cut me open and carry my heart around that is so romantic <3 did I mention that he's hot?

Clara is a teenager and is so much better than a literal doctor and a physician when it comes to curing the plaque lmao. She just makes up an evil twin sister and she spawns into existence then she has to deal with the consequences. It's too hilarious, you'd think she'd have learned from her lies cominy true before. We stan a room temperature IQ queen.

Anyway I don't know shit besides youtube videos. I want to write stuff about Artemy.

[goombasa]

Getting Past My Own Terror When Trying New Things

So over the last couple of years, i've been trying several new hobbies.

A lot of them I ended up dropping not long after starting them, much to my shame.

Now I'm back to at least dabbling in a lot of them, chiefly trying to learn digital art (both vector and raster), dabbling in game design, and fiddling around with some DAWs and banging out some simple tunes. If I had the space, I would love to drag out my fabric scraps and take another go at sewing again. I've dropped and picked up all these different hobbies on and off again for like a decade, ever since leaving college, but I just never could keep up with them. I've pondered on why for a while. A part of it might just be me. I do have difficulty focusing on things from moment to moment, but I think it's something a bit deeper than that: I think it's because I'm terrified of failure, and that terror is really hard to get over.

I compare something like drawing, something that I've only really attempted to do since leaving college, and writing, something that I've been doing constantly since middle school. At this point, writing feels like second nature to me. It's something that I've trained since very early in my life, to the point where I don't even see it as a skill anymore, it's just a part of me, something that I do. Drawing though, I haven't done any serious attempts at art since I was required to back when I was in school. I didn't really do it beyond those required art classes, and only took an interest in trying to learn it after my time in the education system was over, and now, when I try to work on it, I'm easily frustrated by the fact that progress is slow. I get intimidated and frustrated, and not long after that, I end up putting it down and not touching it again for months on end until I muster up the courage to try again. As you can imagine, this hasn't led to me making much progress.

And therein lies the issue; I want to make progress, I want to get better, and create something I feel more comfortable with sharing with other people. But I'm terrified. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. Recently, I've taken to trying very, very hard to push past that terror, that mental block that keeps telling me that, due to the fact that I'm not instantly good at it and immediately making progress, that must mean I'll never get better at it and therefore should just quit while I'm ahead. It's an incredibly toxic mindset to have about myself and my own abilities, but no matter how many times I'm reminded that things like drawing are skills that need to be trained and fostered over long periods of time, my mind works against me to tell me that if I'm not making masterpieces after a month of taking a handful of free courses on Youtube, well then, obviously I'm never going to be good at it and I should stop trying.

I've mostly forgotten one of the most important parts of trying something new, especially if it's mostly just supposed to be for a hobby and not a professional skill, at least not in the near future: have fun with it. And that's something that I've been trying hard to force into my skull at this point. I shouldn't be forcing myself to learn a new skill if I'm not going to enjoy it. I want to learn to draw because I want to create in a new way, something that's unfamiliar to me. I shouldn't worry about whether it is good or not, I shouldn't worry about what other people think of it, but years of being exposed to the idea that if it isn't good enough to sell then it isn't good enough to show has made me very self conscious of my own creations. It's a bad time.

But I think this finally might be receding. I first noticed when I stopped constantly posting to youtube, putting out videos quickly in order to try and keep my channel relevant, that I just felt better. When I started to work on videos at my own pace, just work on them when I feel like it, no matter how shoddy they were, I felt happier with the end result because I didn't feel compelled to make them out of obligation or worry. I was having fun making things again.

And I have to apply that same sort of mentality to my new hobbies if I want to keep making progress. I want to get better, for my own satisfaction.

I'm curious if anyone else out there has had a similar sort of epiphany about their own hobbies. Have you experienced that feeling of just not feeling like you're progressing fast enough, or at all, even when you're new at something. Please, let me know, how'd you get over that hurdle, how'd you get past your own personal mind games and just enjoy the stuff that you do, the stuff that you make. I'm very interested to hear how others deal with this phenomenon.

[the1975attheirverybest]

ignore this if you want to but basically last thursday was a bit of an awful morning that ended up with me missing my first lecture of the day, sat in bed crying and then bailing on going out to the pub and ignoring everyone which ended up being quite nice. i cant actually remember what i did over the weekend other than not work and then monday was okay like i went to the library and somewhat organised myself but got distracted as i ended up meeting up with friends and then buying wine from tescos do do a greek lit reading night which was fun but really overwhelming (i also dont actually like wine that much) but then tuesday as much as i got out of my flat i then did actually nothing all day and it made me feel awful and then yesterday i dont think i properly got out of bed until 5pm and ive just felt a bit horrific because i feel like im failing academically, ive not been eating properly at all and i kinda just hate myself and i kinda just want to go home but i dont really have the time and i feel like it would just make everything worse when i come back. i also git into a slight argument with a couple of home friends because i sent some a selfie of me as a reaction to something that was said and got a how are you still in bed (i think it was gone midday at that point) and i said ive been trying to will myself out of existence (which in retrospect does sound fucking stupid but i was being sincere) and got basically omg same in response which pissed me off. i then later send some matty related meme which got some form of light-hearted response along the lines of being insane and i then went on a bit of a tirade about how you dont know how mentally ill i actually am and the response kinda was yeah were worried but dont know how to show it lol which again kinda annoyed be given that i have been a mediator to a lot of their quite serious relationship issues but then got a bit of a more sincere response after but i didnt read it properly and havent really said anything bar sending a tiktok because i dont want to have to address me being a bit of an immature dick so now i feel kinda isolated because im not close enough to any of my uni friends to be like hey im having a bit of a crisis can you make sure i actually eat real meals and maybe even force me to the shops to buy food - 🐸

Hey,

I need you to listen to me and know that I am being 100% serious. I don’t think any of this was immature or dickish. Cuz, like, I don’t know. I’ve been in situations where I’m having a bad depressive episodes and when I can finally muster the courage or energy to tell someone about it, I’ve gotten “mood” or “same” in response. And it’s kind of hard because no not “same” you’re not just having a bad day or feeling sad about something like a bad grade on a test or something. You’re literally struggling with an illness. That, on top of getting a comment about not getting out of bed on time when you’ve already been beating yourself up about it is hurtful. Your feelings are totally valid.

Of course, they don’t know that / didn’t mean to hurt you. They thought they were just making a simple comment. But that doesn’t mean you should trivialize how you feel about it.

Maybe once you’re feeling a bit better and more clear headed you can talk to them about how best to support you in moments like this?

In the meantime, I’m happy to force you to go to the shops. What, is it like….1 pm UK time right now? You have until I’m done teaching for the day. Like, 4 hours from now. I better come back on here and see that you’ve gone to get something for a home cooked meal. Otherwise I won’t post what I wanted to post tonight hahaha. No but for real. Do check in and tell me that you went. Mental illness is gross. You’re doing the best you can. He gentler with your brain.

[chrimsone]

I'm feeling helplessly sad today. I want to cry, I almost did. I talked about my cats. I got to Toby. I remembered the day he died. What's funny is he hasn't even impacted my psyche the way Willow did. He lived a long, happy life. One I had to witness the end of, but I knew he was loved for so long.

He's not the reason I feel this way though.

I just, feel so useless? Insignificant, I guess.

We're not even a week into November and my life has turned into work then sleep. When I find the time to be on my computer I just stare at the screen, not mustering up the courage to even play something.

I can't even try to enjoy work anymore. A new manager did a complete 180 and probably hates my guts. I feel nervous whenever I'm around her, I'm constantly walking on glass because I can't stand the way she tries to boss me around but if I defy her it's ultimately insubordination. I hate this job but I don't want to get fired.

Maybe, what triggered this was my attempt to work for Bungie. I took a look at their list. Narrative Design. Sounded like it was gear and bounty flavor text. Something not daunting. Something to get me out of retail and into something I might actually enjoy.

I spent nearly a week slaving over a cover letter. It was my only chance. I have no credentials. I'm just a high school graduate working the same job I first got when I was seventeen.

I have no passions. They all died by the time I graduated. Art? I have fucking aphantasia. No matter how hard I try it never looks right. I couldn't, and can't, afford a mentor. I liked space. So Astronomy? I barely passed pre-calculus. I dropped out of the real thing only one trimester in. I hated my teacher, but mostly myself for not being able take in any knowledge. By then, I was hopeless. I've considered veterinary work, with my love for cats. I know I'd see them in pain, it's why I never considered it when I was younger. Maybe that's part of why I never got too serious. You need licenses to practice. More education that I can't afford. Recently I've gained a minor passion for writing. I've made little stories in my head since elementary school, developing them better as I grew. I wrote some fics in high school. Kept most of it to myself. I stopped until earlier this year. And I realized, I could convey my thoughts in this artistic way much better than when I tried to draw. I loved finding the right word to convey the emotion I wanted. But whenever I made something, inside, I nagged at myself. What if I try to take writing seriously? Will I go into learning how to do everything properly and realize I'm just missing some vital brain composition just like I am with drawing? I'm scared. Scared that the one thing I'm clinging onto for a future will make me fall just like the rest. Of course, there's video games. I'm always tempting just throwing it in, essentially selling my body like some shitty v-tuber on twitch because dudes are horny. Maybe QA testing. But even then I worry that I'm not skilled enough to try and break a game for release.

I got advice from my friends. Bugged them the whole time, sending them paragraphs and asking for advice. I wanted this to be perfect. It was my only chance. I was so anxious to even send it, but I managed to late last Friday.

I never got an email back. I actually just wondered if maybe they called instead. I haven't checked my voicemail in months. As I'm writing this, I finally looked, maybe they called me instead? Still, nothing. I wasn't considered. I'm not good enough. My letter did nothing. Something I worked so hard on, something I wrote specifically for other eyes, failed.

I hate this world. I hate having to ask for help. I want to be self sufficient. I wish I never existed. That someone else was in my place. I'm not worthy of having a soul. Someone else with more will is deserving of my life. I'm just merely a husk, wasting precious resources.

Y'know. I'll post this. And usually I feel like a weight is lifted off my chest. That I got these awful thoughts out somewhere. Maybe, someone'll come across them and learn of me. They wont plague only me anymore. But I'll click the button, and still feel awful. I won't hop into my clan's voice chat and act like I wasn't crying to myself for an hour. I won't simply get up and do something like eating or laundry before bed. I'll just sit, staring at the dashboard I don't even look at anymore, until it hits the time I'm supposed to go to bed for work tomorrow. All while listening to shit that keeps me in this awful mood.

[watchmegetobsessed]

WILDEST FANTASIES (part 7)

⚫️A/N: SURPRISE!!! i originally wanted to wait a bit more before posting this but im impatient and want to wipe the disappointment in myself for deleting part 6 lol and now that im mentioning it, it would mean a lot if yall could revisit the prev part and engage with it bc i was a dumb moron and deleted the original post at almost 500 notes🥺 so that would mean a lot. but anyways, here is the next part, enjoy!

⚫️PAIRING: Professor!Harry X Reader

⚫️WARNING: sexual content

⚫️WORD COUNT: 5.5k

SERIES MASTERPOST

The food is as amazing as the man that made it. He even lights a candle for dinner and it’s truly the most relaxing time you’ve had in probably… forever. Harry is as smart as you always thought him to be, but not the kind to rub it into your face. He also seems to be mesmerized by the fact that you study math and he keeps asking you questions about why you chose it and what your favorite thing about it is.

“You made a mistake with making me dinner,” you sigh, when you’ve licked your plate completely clean.

“And why is that?” he laughs.

“Because it was good and now I want you to cook for me all the time.”

“Oh, so you want me to be your personal chef?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

“Alright, I’m fine with that. But that would mean spending more time with me,” he says with a coy smile before drinking up the rest of his wine.

“That sounds terrible!” you roll your eyes dramatically.

Standing up from your seat you walk over to him and as if he was reading in your mind, he pushes himself away from the table enough so you can sit on his lap. His arms lock around you and you take his face in your hands before kissing him.

“I’ve had my appetizer and dinner was amazing, now it’s time for dessert, don’t you think?” you murmur against his lips and you can already feel him growing harder underneath you.

“Excellent idea, Miss Y/L/N,” he smirks before standing up, with you in his arms and you gasp, holding onto his neck while he carries you to the bedroom as if you were absolutely lightweight.

He basically throws you to his bed and you can’t help but giggle as you bounce on the comfortable mattress, watching him stand at the end of the bed with such a sexy, sinister smile on his face. It suddenly weighs down on you that you’re actually gonna have sex with him, after fantasizing about it for so fucking long, it’s finally happening.

And you’re more than ready for it.

He takes his shirt off without a word and you finally lay your eyes on his toned, naked chest. You’ve seen part of his tattooed arm, but you had no idea what was underneath his shirts and reality is better than any image you made up in your head.

“Fuck, I can’t believe you were hiding this!” you groan, making him chuckle as he crawls on top of you, his cross pendant dropping to your chest as he kisses you.

“There’s gonna be no hiding tonight,” he groans before grabbing the hem of your shirt and tugging it off of you and suddenly you realize you’re not wearing your lingerie.

“Wait!” you pull back and he looks at you confused. “I need… I need a minute.”

“Okay, is everything alright?” he asks, rolling off of you and he watches you grab your bag from the floor.

“Yeah, just need to do something quickly. Is this your bathroom?” you point at the door and he nods. “I’ll be back in a minute, I promise.”

Practically you tear your clothes off and put on the set so fast you’re out of breath by the time you finish. Quickly fixing your hair you take a deep breath and try to muster up all your courage before opening the door.

Harry is still lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and when he hears the opening of the door he pushes himself up onto his elbows, but as soon as he sees what you’re wearing, he sits up straight, his greedy eyes raking your body from toe to head.

“And you’ve been hiding this under your clothes?” he asks and you can’t help but laugh. Walking over to the bed you climb to his lap, the touch of his hand on your naked back makes you gasp and you can’t wait to feel it everywhere on your body.

“What would you do if I said I wear this every time I’m in your class?” you tease him.

“Don’t plant the image into my head, I won’t be able to hold the remainder of the classes without a boner.”

Chuckling you just kiss him, your hands exploring his naked torso, loving the way his muscles fit perfectly into your palms. His hungry kisses move down your neck, to your chest, his lips devouring the swell of your breasts, they look exceptionally great in the push up bra so it was at least worth the fortune. Hooking a finger into one of the cups, he drags it down, your breast flowing out of it and he wastes no time to get his mouth all over it, kissing, biting and sucking wherever he can reach. Without even thinking about it, you start grinding your hips against him, feeling his hard cock through the layers that are still separating the two of you.

Harry unhooks your bra so quickly, you barely register it, and then he tears it off of you, baring your whole abdomen in front of his greedy eyes.

“Look at these perky nipples, so hard, all for me?” he asks, palming both your breasts in his hands as your nipples press against his palms.

“Yes,” you whimper, arching your back so you melt into his touch even more. Leaning down he licks and gently bites them both, a moan slipping through your lips at the sensation. Desperate for more friction between your legs, you grind harder and Harry thrusts his hips up to meet your movements, his cock pressing to your cunt perfectly.

Wrapping an arm around you, he turns and pushes you down to the mattress in a heartbeat, kissing you again with so much passion while he gets rid of his pants, now wearing just as much clothing as you are. He returns to your breasts once again, this time sucking on one spot until there’s a mark on you. It won’t be seen in clothes, but it’ll definitely remind you of him every time you see yourself in the mirror before showering.

You’re starting to grow impatient, wanting to feel him inside you as fast as possible and you try to hint it with grinding your hips against his again, but he just pulls back smiling at you smugly.

“Patience, pretty girl. I told you, I want to take my time with you,” he warns you, one hand rubbing your thigh, giving it a squeeze, but you just whine at him.

“But I want you so bad!”

“Begging is appreciated, but you still can’t rush me,” he chuckles, before kissing you again.

He kisses down your neck then, between your breasts and across your stomach, hooking his fingers into the elastic of your underwear, but then as if he changes his mind, he first presses two fingers against your clit through the lacy fabric, making you gasp from the pleasant pressure.

“I’ve been thinking about the taste of you since our time in my office. I need to taste you again,” he growls before finally pulling your last clothing item off of you.

Thinking of the way his mouth felt on you then has been on your mind nonstop and now you’re about to feel it again. He kisses the inside of your thighs, just like he did before, but right when he is about to dive in, a low, annoying buzzing interrupts the moment.

It’s your phone in your bag and you could already kill whoever it is even though you don’t even know just yet.

“Fuck, let me just mute it,” you pant, crawling off the bed to grab it from your bag.

Kostas’ name is shown on the screen and you’re just about to decline the call when you notice you already have a bunch of texts from him, all of them saying the same thing: S.O.S.!

“Damn it, I need to answer, it’s… it’s important,” you tell Harry with an apologetic look and he just nods.

“Sure, don’t worry,” he says, and it’s not the kind of answer when he is just lying to make himself appear better, he truly means it.

“Thank you,” you breathe out before answering the call. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Where the fuck are you? You know what? It doesn’t matter, you need to get home, now!”

“What happened?”

That’s when you hear the deafening crying that’s mixed with screaming. It comes from Ramona and you instantly know something really bad has happened, because the only time you heard her cry like that was when her aunt got into a car accident and she was in a coma. Luckily, Aunt Lydia woke up weeks later, but Ramona was a mess.

“Ramona is about to faint from crying, from what I could understand, they broke up with Dean.”

“What?! Are you kidding?”

“No, so you better get here, because she needs all the support.”

“Fuck, okay… um, I’ll be there soon.”

“Hurry!” he begs before ending the call.

Sighing with closed eyes you genuinely think about being selfish and not going back, but it vanishes fast. You can’t let one of your best friends down when she needs you the most, you just wish it happened some other time. When you dare to look around Harry is already sitting with a knowing smile on his face.

“Go, your friend needs you,” he tells you softly and you’re quick to get on the bed with him, crawling to his lap, hoping he doesn’t hate you entirely now.

“I’m so sorry, I really wish it didn’t happen now, I want to stay so badly!”

“Nothing to be sorry for, okay? I admire how much you care about your friends.”

“But this was supposed to be our time together finally!” you pout at him, part of you hoping he would convince you to stay, though you know he wouldn’t do that.

“We’ll… find another time for us, I promise,” he tells you softly, caressing the side of your cheek until he takes your chin between his fingers, pulling you in for a kiss. “Our foreplay continues,” he adds with a chuckle.

“I’m fucking fed up with the foreplay,” you groan, but then it turns into a laugh. “I should go,” you hum, kissing him again and it starts to go back and forth, kissing each other without making an effort to leave the bed while his hands are raking your naked back.

“Go, because if you stay one more minute, I might tie you to the bed and you won’t leave until tomorrow evening.”

“Is that a threat or a promise, professor?” you smirk at him coyly, but he just smacks your ass, lifting you off of his lap, making you pout at him sadly.

You get dressed and gather your stuff, still so torn about leaving but you know it’s the right thing to do.

“I’ll drive you home,” he tells you when you’re all ready.

“Oh, no need.”

“It wasn’t a question, Y/N. I’m driving you home. It’s dark outside and I don’t want you taking the bus on your own.”

Fuck. He is so hot when he takes control.

So you end up in his car and he gives you a ride home. Your heart skips a beat when you feel his hand on your thigh, making you turn to face him.

“I know you’re thinking how I must be annoyed with you right now.”

“I am,” you nod truthfully.

“I am annoyed, but not with you. Just with the situation. You didn’t have control over it, so don’t beat yourself about it.”

“Stop being so understanding and mature, it makes it even harder,” you groan, but he just laughs.

“Don’t worry, we’ll make up for the lost time.”

“You promise?” you ask as he turns the corner and reaches your street.

“I promise,” he nods smiling. When he parks in front of your building, you lean over and kiss him hard and needy before opening the door to get out.

“I’m expecting a text tonight from you,” you tell him, biting into your bottom lip as you smirk at him.

“Go, before I drag you back into the car and take you home!” he warns you chuckling.

“Is that a threat or—“ you start again, but he cuts you off.

“GO!”

“Okay, okay!” you giggle, shutting the door closed. You wave at him one last time from the door and then it’s over. Another night without knowing what it’s like to be fucked by Harry Styles.

Ramona is a mess.

When you get home, you find her sobbing and crying on the couch, wrapped up in several blankets, Adele playing through Kostas’ little JBL speaker while he is hoarding chocolate and alcoholic drinks to her, hoping she would at least breathe for a moment.

It takes a hell lot of time to get her to speak without hiccupping every other word, or starting to ugly cry at the mentioning of Dean’s name. After a while, you tell her to just call him D to prevent from breaking over and over again.

And then finally she tells you what happened.

Apparently, Kostas was right about Dean’s frequent trips back home. His dad’s health hasn’t been the best, his heart problems have been getting worse lately and he needed help with the family business he started with his brother. Dean has been trying to go back and forth, but it has gotten to the point where he needs to move back to his parents to help them out with the business. That means that him and Ramona would have to go long distance, but that’s the one thing she refuses to do.

“I saw what it does to people!” she sobs. “My parents did long distance for almost two years and they almost got a fucking divorce!”

If Dean moves back home, it means they would live four hours away from each other for over a year, at least until Ramona finishes school. But that doesn’t mean it would be over even after that, if Dean has to take over the business fully, Ramona would have to move there to be with him, but you know for a fact she doesn’t want to live in a little town.

It’s an impossible situation and in the heat of the argument they went ahead of the drama and called it quits, but it’s now breaking Ramona’s heart.

It’s past midnight by the time Ramona basically faints into bed from all the crying. You make sure she had everything she needs by her bed and then let her rest.

“So, where were you?” Kostas asks as he is cleaning up all the used tissues from the living room floor.

“Huh?” You can feel panic rising in your guts.

“Where were you? With an overnight bag?” he asks, nodding at your bag you took to Harry’s and just dropped by the door once you arrived back home.

“Oh, um… just… got a booty call.”

“What? From who? Since when do you have anyone to hook up with?” he asks with his eyes wide.

“Just a guy I met on Tinder, nothing serious.”

“Is he any good though?” he smirks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“I don’t… know yet. You called before we could…”

“Ah shit, I’m sorry,” he sighs pouting his lips. “Hope it happens next time,” he winks at you before heading back to his room.

“Yeah, me too,” you mumble before doing the same.

It’s the first time you’re checking your phone in a while tonight and you’re disappointed to see no texts from Harry. Your first thought is that he is pissed because you left, but that doesn’t make any sense, he seemed so laid back and nice about the situation, understanding that it was out of your control.

So instead of making up theories, you decide to text him.

Y/N: So… not thinking about me?

You send the text and move on with your night time routine, changing out of the lingerie set is way too sad knowing what was robbed from you tonight. It doesn’t take long for your phone to buzz with a text.

HARRY: I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I dropped you off.

You giggle like a little girl. It feels like you’re a teenager again, having a silly crush on an older boy.

Y/N: You’re so smooth.

HARRY: Indeed, I shaved this morning.

You can’t help but snort out a laugh. You’re not sure if he truly meant it as a joke or if he doesn’t entirely know what smooth means as a kind of slang, but either way, you loved it.

Y/N: That’s something we have in common.

HARRY: Gosh, don’t remind me of what I missed…

Y/N: I’m sorry :( I wish we weren’t interrupted.

HARRY: I’ll make sure to make up for the lost time when we can finally be alone.

Y/N: I can’t wait. Might gonna have to write down more of my fantasies.

You run to take a quick shower, thinking about what it would be like if Harry was there with you and he is still on your mind when you return to your room. You’re throwing off the comforter and extra pillows from your bed when your phone starts ringing and you answer it without even checking the caller ID, assuming that it’s Harry.

“Hey,” you coo into the phone, flopping down to your bed.

“Hey, so you’re not asleep!” The voice on the other end is not Harry’s. It’s Zion. Pulling the phone away from your ear you check the screen that it is indeed him. You’re kind of disappointed, but you wouldn’t want him to know.

“No, not yet, you know, I’m kind of a night owl,” you chuckle. “What’s up?”

“I’m having an early birthday celebration on Friday, you know how hard it is to bring anything together right before Christmas so I decided to have it earlier. Are you, by any chance, free?”

“Oh, yeah, I think I can make it,” you nod, trying to think through what you have coming up next week.

“Cool! I can’t wait to see you again. I’ll text you with the details!”

When you end the call you notice that you have an unread message from Harry.

HARRY: You can only write them if I’m the only one reading them.

Y/N: Only one to read them and act them out with me.

HARRY: Correct answer. Now go to sleep.

Y/N: Yes, professor!

The weekend, even though it didn’t turn out to be the way Harry wanted, keeps him thinking for the next few days. He won’t deny, he was devastated when you had to go, he’s been looking forward to spending the night with you for so long and you were so close to finally make your fantasies come true, but he would never hold it against you. Actually he admires you for being such a good friend, being there for your loved ones when they need you the most.

It’s just that he truly can’t stop thinking about you. And it’s not even entirely sexual anymore. Don’t get it wrong, he still thinks about fucking you in every possible position like a million times a day, but there are other thoughts as well. Like how you slept in the night, what you had for lunch, what made you laugh or if you had a bad day. If you thought about him as much as he did. He wants to hear your voice every waking moment, feel your touch and kiss your perfect, smooth lips whenever he pleases. It’s driving him off the walls, it takes all his energy to get him to focus on basically anything.

It’s Tuesday and it’s been a little less hectic than the past week. He has actually had the chance to leave his office for lunch. He has just finished up his last class for the day, students are flowing out of the room as he is packing up his stuff. He doesn’t even notice you walk in, stopping by the door. When he finally glances up and spots you, he can feel his heart skip a beat. You’re wearing light-washed jeans, a pink sweater that’s tugged into the hem of your jeans at the front, a plain totebag hanging from your shoulder, packed to the extent that it seems like it could rip any moment. You look so effortlessly beautiful, not too much makeup covering your pretty face, though he wishes there wasn’t any.

He watches as you push yourself away from the wall and walk closer as the last student leaves the room and now it’s just the two of you.

“Hey,” you smile at him softly, stopping just a few feet away from him.

“Hey, to what do I owe your surprise visit?”

“Oh, just wanted to talk about my final paper for your class, professor,” you smile at him teasingly.

“Is that so?” he cracks a half-smile as he leans against the edge of the desk.

Dropping your bag from your shoulder you quickly walk back to the door and close it before striding back to where Harry is, this time pushing yourself between his legs as you hook your arms around his neck.

“Y/N, this is risky,” he breathes out, but his hands find their way to your hips still, squeezing you gently, as if he is trying to make sure you’re really there.

“Just wanted to steal a moment with you to get me through the day,” you pout your bottom lip at him and leaning closer you press a soft kiss to his jawline. “Are we gonna give us another chance this weekend?”

“I’m free if you’re free,” he hums, his lips coming to meet with your cheek.

“Then it’s settled. I’ll make sure not to bring my phone this time,” you chuckle.

“Is your friend doing okay?”

“She is… coping. Though I think they will get back together. They have a lot of history, too much to just end like this.”

Humming he nods, his eyes wandering down to your lips and though you both know it’s risky to be doing this on campus and in a classroom where anyone can walk in, you still can’t hold yourself back.

Pressing his lips to yours, he kisses you in such a needy and greedy way, you can feel just how much he’s been thinking about you since the last time you saw each other. You return the kiss just as vehemently, feeling him against you bringing you a sense of fulfillment and even though you’re still kissing him, you’re already missing the touch of his lips, knowing you won’t get to do it for way too long.

“I have to go, I have a class in ten,” you sigh, but go in for another kiss just as his hand moves down to grab a handful of your ass, a small moan escaping your lips.

“This foreplay… is getting way too long,” he groans, stealing one last kiss before letting go of you.

Not too willingly, but you grab your bag from the floor and giving him one last coy glance over your shoulder, you exit the room. Harry needs to take a deep breath, knowing he will be thinking about these few moments for the rest of the day, if not the whole week.

Heading back to his office he runs into Nina who also just finished her class, so the two of them walk together through the hallways.

“Are you coming tomorrow?” Nina asks, but Harry just wrinkles his forehead.

“Coming where?”

“Joseph’s retirement dinner? You know, he sent out the invitations weeks ago.”

Now Harry remembers, but so much has happened in the past weeks, he completely forgot about Dr. Kennedy’s retirement. He’s been teaching at the university for decades and he has decided to spend more time with his grandkids after losing his wife two years ago. He is hosting a big dinner to his colleagues to thank the great time he has had working with them.

“Oh, right. Uh, yeah of course I’m going.”

“How was your weekend?” she asks with a warm smile.

“Not how I planned but it was alright,” he admits with a huff.

“How was yours?”

“Had to meet up with my ex-husband, he finally took his stuff he left behind,” she sighs.

“He’s still a prick?” he chuckles.

“Absolutely. But I’m finally free from him completely.”

“Enjoy your freedom.”

“I’m trying,” she smiles bashfully, a blush appearing in her cheeks as she keeps glancing at Harry who is just silently walking beside her, his thoughts still completely stuck on you.

Wednesday morning, you wake up from a wet dream. Chest heaving, your whole body covered in sweat, you were so close to your climax when your phone’s alarm went off.

And of course, it was about Harry.

This dream sets the mood for the whole day. You’re needy and whiny, want nothing else than to be with Harry. And the scariest part is that you don’t necessarily want it in a sexual way. You just want to be around him, be able to touch him. You still remember the intimacy of just watching him cook in his kitchen, sharing some wine and talking. It’s becoming pretty clear.

You’re starting to fall for him and you haven’t even had sex with him.

You’re not quite sure how to feel about it though. This was all supposed to be just a mind-blowing hook up, a chance to get this obsession about Harry out of your system, but it’s starting to grow bigger and you’re not sure if you’re ready for that.

The day goes by in kind of a blur, you keep thinking about your class with Harry, seeing him, getting to just listen to him for ninety minutes. Definitely the highlight of your day. The end of semester is draining you, staying up late most nights to get as much done as possible so you’ll have the weekend free to be with Harry. You’re a bit ahead of your schedule, since you didn’t lose Sunday last weekend. Even though you spent half the day with Ramona in her room, trying to cheer her up just the slightest, you could still squeeze some work in.

You’d do anything to have the most unbothered time with Harry this week. Nothing can ruin it for you.

You’re already in the classroom when Harry arrives, his eyes are quick to spot you sitting in your usual seat. Trying to keep your smile hidden, you move your eyes down at your notes from your previous class to keep you busy, but you can’t help but focus on his moving form you see from the corner of your eyes. Your phone’s screen lights up and you grab it as if anyone could see it even though no one is sitting anywhere near you.

HARRY: A skirt again? Are you torturing me?

Smirking you glance up finding him already looking at you, mindlessly playing with his phone as he is sitting behind his desk. Just as you start typing your response, a girl walks up to him with a few questions about the final assignment.

Y/N: Want to find out whether I’m wearing underwear or not?

Sending the message you have your eyes glued to him. Listening to the girl explaining her questions, he sees his phone’s screen lighting up and he glances there for just a second, but you see him stiffen right away, his darkened eyes snapping up to meet yours. Grinning to yourself you just return to staring down at your notes and let him finish with his student. When she finally walks back to her seat Harry grabs his phone and types his response.

HARRY: You’re being a brat. Gonna have to teach you a lesson.

Y/N: Bring it on, professor.

It’s obvious that Harry tries to avoid looking at you throughout the class, only because whenever his gaze wanders over you, he needs to hold back a smile. Not sure if anyone else notices it, but you definitely do, the way the corners of his mouth curl up as he continues on with his little speeches.

It’s getting impossibly hard to resist jumping his bones. Especially when he leans against his desk, holding onto the edge and you involuntarily bite into your bottom lip as you see the veins on the back of his hands, running up his arms. This should be illegal.

You plan to sneak a few minutes with him after class, but once he dismisses everyone, another professor walks in, telling him something and Harry just nods. You know when he looks your way that he has to leave fast. Flashing him a tiny smile you let him know it’s alright.

After class, you make one last trip to the library, finishing up a paper so you have one less thing on your list for the end of the semester. After a while, you can’t even pretend like you’re working, your thoughts keep circling back to Harry.

What is it exactly that the two of you are doing? It was about sex at first, that’s pretty clear, but since you’ve had to face some obstacles in that department, something definitely shifted. All the craving to be near him, to see him, hear his voice, it’s definitely more than just a physical attraction.

But how does he feel about you? Judging from the way he’s been acting, the cooking, the talking, the little touches, it definitely feels like it’s more to him as well. But he is older, it could be just his usual gentleman behavior he puts up with everyone, not just with you. You remember him saying that he doesn’t do casual, but then he also said that he would do just about anything to fuck you, what if it’s all just part of that?

You need to sort things out. Especially once you finally get to have sex with him, because that will most likely break the dam for you. And now that you’ve been thinking about him for the past twenty minutes, you can’t fight the urge to see him right now.

Checking the time you decide to ask Harry if he is still in his office.

HARRY: Still here, have to finish a few more things.

Y/N: I’ll drop by in a bit.

You quickly gather your stuff and head over to the building where his office is, hoping to have a few unbothered minutes with him.

It’s around seven now, most classes are over and only the eager professors are lingering around campus. The hallway leading to Harry’s office is dead, but you see light coming through the open door and your heart skips a beat at the thought of seeing him. However, as you get closer, you hear voices coming from inside, one belongs to him and one to a woman. With quiet steps, you get as close to the door as possible and though you know you shouldn’t eavesdrop on the conversation, you can’t help yourself.

“Is it okay if I ride with you? My car is at the service,” you hear the female voice and you recognize it as Professor Alvarez’s.

“Sure, no problem. We can leave in about twenty,” Harry answers.

“Great. I’ve heard a lot about this place, they have the best desserts!” she enthuses and your vision blurs from jealousy.

These two are having dinner together? Again? Harry said it was just a friendly thing when you were at his place and he was so keen on disappearing from the house. But you’ve seen the way she looked at him in his office last time when she interrupted your time with him.

“You cleaned up for the occasion nicely,” she giggles. You try to think back at what he was wearing earlier, but it was nothing special, just his usual, has he changed? This has to be a date then.

“Thanks,” he chuckles. “You look nice too.”

Nice? You don’t see her but you bet she looks awful.

No, that’s a lie, she always looks wonderful, she is by far the hottest female professor on campus. Shit, you’re so fucked.

The rest of their conversation blurs because you back away from the office and once you’re far enough from them, you start running. You feel silly for thinking this was more than just anything casual, he is still out there, dating women that are age appropriate for him and probably please him better than you can.

On your way home you quickly send him a message.

Y/N: Something came up, can’t make it.

His reply comes just seconds later.

HARRY: Everything alright?

Y/N: Sure. Have fun tonight.

HARRY: ??

You don’t answer, just put your phone on mute and shove it to the bottom of your bag as you march home, raging and boiling in anger and jealousy.

NEXT PART

Thank you for reading! Please like and reblog if you enjoyed!

[chosonore]

part five | sonorous

sonorous [adjective. full, deep, or rich said of sound]

pairing: kamo choso/f!reader

summary: falling in love with choso was a gradual and slow process, creeping up on you so inconspicuously that you don’t realize until the feelings hit full force. he’s become a constant in your life, your sun, your home. but does he return the feelings?

wordcount: 6.7k

content/warnings: roommates au, friends to lovers, fluff, slice of life, mentions of alcohol, language, some pining but not really, the amount of oblivious reader and choso will kill you, slow burn, characters are aged up if not already obvious, lowercase intended, [UNEDITED]

a/n: i don't even know where to begin with thanking you for your immense patience - it took me so long to write and post this and i am so insanely grateful for everyone who is still sticking around in anticipation but also for all the new readers! it warms my heart to know that people are so invested. with that being said, i want to apologize for the long wait - unfortunately, writer's block is a bitch and my second to last semester at uni wasn't easy either. rather than forcing myself to write this chapter and potentially ruining the good energy of this fic, i chose to wait it out until i felt better and could channel the energy into writing. simply because this fic has such a special place in my heart. and to all the people that have sent me asks, comments or replies; i'm so sorry i haven't gotten around to replying to them :( but be assured that i read them all and appreciate them a lot.

while writing this, i listened to banks' holding back a lot and i feel like you guys would enjoy it too. the song manages to make you feel so in love with life, with a partner that you might or might not have yet and fills you with so much warmth and i hope you enjoy!

previous - masterlist - next

you woke up with a start, the alarm of your phone blaring in your ear from where you’d dropped it. having fallen asleep with the phone in your hand as you talked to choso, you hadn’t been able to place it back on the nightstand, nor did you remember to turn off the alarm that had rudely woken you. disoriented, you struggled to turn the alarm off, chucking the phone into another corner of the bed. huffing in frustration, you turned your back to the window, shielding yourself from the blinding sunlight. oddly enough, you felt giddy and awake despite the exhaustion still clinging onto your bones. perhaps it wasn’t as odd as you perceived it to be - you felt refreshed after having talked to choso the previous night.

it felt good knowing that things were okay between you, as okay as can be. you acknowledged that you had treated him horribly after what had occured; it wasn’t like he planned for it and sometimes, things just happened. not everything was in your control and that was okay. but it didn’t give you the right to act so distant and avoidant towards him without giving a proper explanation. the little vacation gave you an opportunity to clear your head and gather your thoughts and feelings for him, maybe you could even muster up enough courage to confess.

even if choso had confirmed that he didn't hold any grudges, you still felt bad. he was a good person, only wanting the best for others and despite giving him the advice to talk to you about any problem, you couldn't even do the same. what a hypocrite you were.

and though you were okay with letting go of the feelings, no matter how long it took and how hard it would be on you, you couldn’t shake the budding glimmer of hope that was planted in your heart. your cheeks warmed at the thought of the little kiss that he’d planted on the crown of your head before you left. at this point, you were sure: it wasn’t your imagination, it did happen. quickly, your rationale was pushed to the back of your mind. the conflicting thoughts about how his actions contradicted the theories you’d crafted in your head were long forgotten. though it was such a small gesture, you felt so warm and comforted just thinking about it.

would you dare to believe that he could possibly like you back? no matter how much you twisted and turned your thoughts to adjust to a narrative that told you that choso couldn’t possibly like you back, all reasoning came back to one conclusion: taking all previous circumstances and how close you had gotten over the course of time into consideration, there had to be a smidgen of feelings there. whether it might be platonic or romantic love, that was something you’d eventually figure out. you twisted the pillow in your arms, hugging it to you tightly as you thought about how you missed him already. it made you feel foolish and yet excited at the same time, looking forward to the day that you'd return from your vacation.

his confession still rang in your ears, of how he missed you and liked to hear your voice - it slowly solidified your resolve to confide in him, to let him know that your feelings for him, albeit a small bud, were steadily growing and blooming. springing forth from your heart, filling up veins and lungs, they filled up the entirety of your being. and whether he would reciprocate your feelings or not, you would love him all the same.

moping around would help you get nowhere, it would only plant seeds of doubt and ill feelings, furthering the resentment that you felt towards yuki. you knew it was childish to feel that way but it wasn’t something you could help, not until you properly processed your thoughts and feelings. yet, you didn’t know whether you had the strength or courage to confront yuki about it. her presence was overwhelming you, pushing its way into your comfort zone and wanting to make itself known. you couldn’t welcome it while you were conflicted about the situation. perhaps you could avoid it and talk to choso instead…? no, that wasn’t it either.

your trail of thoughts was rudely interrupted by nobara’s aggressive banging to the door and her yelling for you to get out of bed. “you promised you’d go shopping with me today,” she reminded you before swinging the door open. she stood proudly at the door frame, hands propped up on her hips as she looked at you with disdain. she narrowed her eyes on you, probably not happy about seeing you still wrapped up in your blankets and unmoving. at that moment, you briefly wished you possessed the strength and assertiveness that nobara naturally had, that you could carry yourself with the same confidence. it would give you the ability to face your problems head on, instead of mulling over them for so long.

“you forgot about it, didn’t you? come on, i don’t know when i will ever get the opportunity to come here again and i saw some pretty cute boutiques too,” nobara rolled her eyes and tugged at your blanket, unraveling you from the cocoon. “and you will buy cute clothes too, can’t let my friend going around like this. we gotta impress your potential boyfriend after all.”

you snapped out of your thoughts as the cold air hit your skin, almost as if it cleared the foggy landscape that was your mind. still tangled up in your blankets, you struggled to hurl one of the pillows at nobara who simply laughed and dodged. “he isn’t my boyfriend!” you hissed at her and threw another one in hopes of hitting her. “and would you pipe it down? i don’t want yuuji to hear and come in here to question me about it.”

“you say that like you didn’t just yell that out either,” nobara retorted smugly as she picked up the pillows and placed them on the armchair near your bed.

“ugh,” you planted your face in the mattress, in an attempt to hide from her. as much as you loved your friend, shopping days were incredibly exhausting - you couldn’t even begin to comprehend where she drew all the energy from, it was like an evil spirit possessed her and wouldn’t stop until it reached its goal. the goal being to own all the latest and cutest items of clothing. this time, you couldn’t even rely on megumi or yuuji to bail you out; nobara had been strict on this being a girls only trip.

you felt a poke to your side, jerking slightly at the sudden jab. you blindly swatted her hand away, not even bothering to look up. “you have fifteen minutes, after that i’m going to drag you out with me, no matter how awful you look. got it?” nobara’s overly friendly tone sent shivers down your spine, knowing that she would pull through with that threat if you didn’t comply. “yes ma’am,” your muffled reply seemed to satisfy her, judging by the shuffling sounds of her slippers and the click of the door as she closed it.

you sighed. better hurry before she dragged you along in only your pyjamas.

nobara took a peek at your phone, curiously glancing at the screen. “who are you texting all this time? is it choso?” she questioned, leaning closer until she was halfway on your seat. you nudged her back gently, hiding the screen from her as your cheeks burned in embarrassment. you hoped that she didn’t see your texts, not wanting her to know that you’d been texting choso the entire time. she’d make a whole fuss about it and then undoubtedly interrogate you - however, on second thought, you pondered over why this was the one issue that you felt wary about, an issue that made it difficult to confide in her. why was that?

you’d been best friends for so long and both of you have had your fair share of partner talk between you. sure, you might lack in that department but regardless, nobara had witnessed you cry, gush and rant about your previous partners already. maybe it was the uncertainty. the fact that you were scared of ruining the dynamic between your friends, in particular yuuji, choso and you. as you dwelled on it, you suddenly felt silly. ever since your feelings for choso suddenly started growing, you’d been jumping to conclusions a lot, something that you rarely ever did. perhaps love really did make you act strange and you needed to snap out of it.

“and if it was?” you mustered up enough courage to give her a vague answer that gave hints but immediately regretted it when you saw nobara’s face light up in glee and what you could only describe as mischief. by giving her an opening like this, you gave her the perfect opportunity to grill you until you gave her a satisfactory answer.

“see i knew you had a crush on choso! are you finally admitting to it? oh god, tell me aaaall the details, we have all the time in the world,” in her excitement, she completely forgot about her drink, abandoning it on her side. oh were you in for a ride. “so spill, and don’t you dare weaseling your way out of this, i-”

you had to stop nobara before she started to derail, frantically shushing her and covering her mouth as you repeatedly assured her that you would be opening up. though her inquisitiveness had initially overwhelmed you, now you felt strangely calm and comfortable enough to confide in her. it took a while for you to unpack the entire timeline of events, your interpretations of choso’s behaviour and your own feelings about… everything. you were thankful that nobara was so incredibly patient and attentive, not once interrupting you but letting you go at your own pace. by the time you finished telling her everything, even she had a pensive look on her face, brows furrowed and eyes staring at her now empty drink as if it could give her an answer. it was as if you could see the cogwheels turning in her head, twisting and turning the course of events until she could come up with a reply.

“see, there’s just something i need you to explain to me first – i don’t understand why you would assume that you’d have no chance with him? choso obviously appreciates and cherishes you a lot, not to mention how many times i’ve brought up the fact that he might actually like like you,” nobara hummed, squinting at you. you knew what that look meant, give a wrong reply and she would pinch you.

“it’s just hard for me to see that when we’ve been such close friends and roommates too, right? it’s like in the rom-coms we watch, neither party would want to ruin the good relationship. added to that, i had the feeling that choso and yuki would be getting back together so it was tricky."

"but that's also an assumption, right? i mean whatever you saw, it could have been anything. and i would think he'd let you know if anything was going on."

you knew it, you knew nobara was right. it was hard to keep a clear head when so many emotions were involved, piling and piling up on you until you were buried and couldn't get back out by yourself. not being able to help yourself, you chuckled, rubbing your cheeks embarrassed. so many months you'd worked on it with choso, properly communicating any problems and worries with each other and then you'd gone and done the exact opposite. it was ironic, you thought - habits could just be broken down as fast as they were built.

doubt was a fickle thing. even the most rational minds could fall victim to it, determination and confidence slowly eroding away as the unpleasant emotion gnawed at one's mind. repeatedly, the worst assumptions would bubble up, clinging onto you until you gave into it.

"yeah i... i do realize that. i was planning to talk to him when i get back because i don't want it to affect our friendship or to make him feel bad for what is actually my issue, you know? we uh, talked again on the phone last night and it made me feel really comforted," your face flushed at the memory, making you flustered.

"aw look at you being all lovey dovey," nobara cooed, nudging you playfully before pulling a grimace. "but no more moping! tell him or i'll do it and you know i-"

"yeah yeah, i know you'll pull through with the threat," you laughed, reaching over to hug your friend tightly. all the weight had been lifted from your shoulders by just letting her in on your innermost thoughts and feelings; you felt thankful that she wasn't trying to push you or laid out an entire roadmap on what to do. that was something you had to figure out for yourself, even if it might end up in the wrong path. though in that case, you supposed that you would still learn from the experiences and could be grateful for the amazing time you'd spent with choso. it was too early to think of failure just yet when you didn't have the chance to talk to him yet. now that the haze of uncertainty had lifted, you wanted to enjoy your summer vacation with your best friends. no more moping around, no more worries.

nobara grinned and pinched your cheeks. "see there she is, laughing and grinning again! back to your old self huh? if you have enough energy to still be this cheerful, i'm sure you have enough energy to go visit a few more shops with me?"

"nobara, no-"

"oh nobara, yes."

exhausted, you plunged face first onto the couch, groaning as you hit the soft pillows and could finally rest your body. you didn’t know which devil nobara sold her soul to to have this much energy for sightseeing, shopping and a quick swim at the beach - but whatever it was, you wanted in on it as well. it would be one hell of a help for all the assignments and exams in the upcoming semester. and maybe there would be more leftover to engage in the hobbies that you usually neglected due to your workload.

yuuji and megumi peeked over at you from their seats, amused at how you sighed in happiness about the newfound comfort. both were glad that nobara hadn't dragged them along, instead enjoying a relaxing day at the beach - though yuuji wasn't able to hide the quiet winces that he let out whenever he moved a little, plagued by a sunburn as he apparently fell asleep while at the beach. megumi stifled a laugh as he threw the bottle of aloe gel to yuuji before turning his attention to you. nobara was nowhere to be seen, having disappeared in her room immediately to try out her new clothing items.

"how was today? stressful?"

"nah it was alright. my feet just hurt - how is it that nobara still has so much energy? i have so many questions. we scoured every corner of the city for every cute boutique," you groaned, turning on your back so you could look at your friend properly. propping your feet up on the pillows, you wiggled around until you got comfortable.

"you tell me! last time she dragged us along, we just had to carry all the bags and boxes for her," yuuji added, hissing at his burns. "but did you have fun at least? it's vacation time, you were supposed to have a nice day."

"oh no yeah, i had a good time, don't worry. i uh-"

should you tell them? you weren't sure. you felt like all the newfound courage suddenly dissipated in the same second that you thought about bringing up your crush. nobara was one thing and megumi most likely would be indifferent to it as long as you were sure about your course of actions, but yuuji? he was choso's brother after all. it added another level of complexity that you didn't take into consideration. megumi immediately sensed your hesitation, watching you intently as he waited for you to continue. yuuji didn’t seem to have noticed your troubled face expression just yet, too absorbed in rubbing aloe on his sunburnt skin.

however, dragging it out any longer wouldn’t be beneficial as well - it would bring new twists and turns that you didn’t account for and had already been bothersome the first time around. better to outright say it and rip it off like a band aid, come hell or high water. after a moment of silence, you finally spoke up: “can i tell you guys something?” yuuji immediately stopped in his movements as if somebody had pushed a button to keep him frozen in time, looking awfully comical as he looked at you with wide eyes. alarms went off in his head, immediately worried that something had happened, whether it had been something during your shopping trip or something concerning choso or yuki.

“it’s nothing bad, i swear!” you immediately assured him, holding your hands up in defense and let out a nervous laugh. “it’s just um. i’m sure everyone has noticed me being a little weird the past few days or weeks even and… i’ll have to come clean eventually, so while we’re all here together, i’m just gonna confess.”

the silence in the room was deafening, suddenly feeling like a large wall between you and your friends. your hands were shaking as you fumbled with your words until finally, the words came out all in one go.

“ihaveabigcrushonchosoandthat’swhyi’vebeenactingsoweird.”

“you what?” megumi looked at you bewildered, not having understood a single word.

“you know. choso? my roommate? yuuji’s brother?”

“y/n, are you seriously trying to explain to me who choso is like we haven’t known each other our entire lives?” megumi questioned you amused, the corners of his mouth lifting ever so slightly. you groaned embarrassed, hiding your face in your hands.

“i’m nervous, okay? what i’m trying to say is that i developed a crush on choso. but i’m getting way in my head about it because of our friendship and yuki, so that’s why i’ve been weird. i’m sorry if i made you guys feel uncomfortable or concerned.” sighing, you leaned back on the couch, waiting for your friends’ reactions. both megumi and yuuji stayed silent and you already feared for the worst case scenario before yuuji blurted out: “we’ve known.”

now it was your turn to be flabbergasted by this revelation, abruptly sitting up to stare at your friends with wide eyes.

“what? you haven’t been very subtle with this the entire time, so of course we noticed,” yuuji explained, shrugging slightly before wincing in pain immediately. “i think nobara noticed first and then we kinda talked about it. but neither of us brought it up to you because it was futile until you acknowledged your feelings on your own.”

“and don’t worry, we never talked to choso about this either,” megumi added, offering you a small smile. “i think all of us can assure you that he has not taken any hints or noticed anything, if anything, you’ll have to be super upfront about it for him to understand.”

the sound of heavy and fast footsteps announced nobara’s arrival as she ran downstairs, almost crashing into the walls before catching herself and pointing at the trio accusingly. “how dare you start this discussion without me! i’m an integral part to this, i figured out all of this!” you shushed your friend quickly, pulling her to sit on the couch next to you. though she had been quick-tempered initially, you managed to calm her down just as fast and filled her in on what megumi, yuuji and you had talked about before she joined. the tension that was clinging heavy on your shoulders was lifted with every word that you exchanged, making you feel silly over the fact that you hadn’t talked to your friends about this sooner.

they were your friends after all, they were understanding and caring. and even if it had been something they couldn’t stand behind, they would let you know and not make you feel bad about it. so really, it was you and your anxiety going against each other.

and finally, you made them promise that they would immediately call you out, should you ever become a hermit again. dwelling in the past or catastrophizing the future was no use to you - the time was now and you’d make the best of it, even when things went south. nobara pinched your cheeks, letting you know that she was proud of you for coming out of your shell slowly. contrary to your unfounded worries, yuuji didn’t think much of your crush, he would support you to the best of his abilities. as long as nobody got hurt and nothing would lead to strained relationships, he was fine with it.

it felt good to finally address everything that you’d been avoiding. you felt like you were invincible, on top of the world and able to tackle everything that life would throw towards you - one at a time.

“what are you doing here?” yuuji blurted out bewildered as he stared at his older brother and friends behind him. choso looked at him just as perplexed, not having expected to meet his younger brother while on holiday as well. it was a strange coincidence really. yuuji couldn’t tell but felt like he was a character in his friend’s rom-com life where everything was suddenly coming together and he came face to face with the end boss. choso’s friends were more than thrilled to see yuuji, fussing over him as they reminded him to drop by the tattoo parlor more often to hang out with them. for the first time in a while, he felt nervous upon the prospect of you meeting them so soon when you’d just discussed the events the day before.

“we’re touring the coast - did i forget to tell you?” choso replied sheepishly, scratching the back of his head as he glanced behind him. when he acted like this, yuuji was reminded of a puppy that was guilty about something that it did. “is y/n here?”

“uh yeah, megumi and her went to get some ice cream and uh, nobara is-” yuuji vaguely gestured behind him. “- over there tanning. did you wanna talk to her? i’m sure they’ll be back soon.”

“y/n?” yuki popped up behind choso, eyes sparkling with excitement. "i wanted to hang out with her for a bit as well! choso's told me a lot about her but i haven't gotten the chance to talk to her personally just yet."

"he did?" yuuji was surprised - choso usually dodged any of his attempts to tickle more information out of him.

"well i kind of annoyed him until he did," yuki laughed wholeheartedly, patting choso on the back before leaning closer to yuuji. there was a mischievous glint in her eyes, making his stomach drop. "and between us, i think he likes her," yuki whispered secretively. "am i right?"

yuuji spluttered in surprise; he didn't have to answer, his reaction was enough to let her know that she was right in her guess. but yuki wouldn't be yuki if she didn't have any plans up her sleeves. all it took for the two of you to finally get together was a little push, one that she would gladly provide. in truth, she did have the feeling that you were slightly intimidated by her for whatever reason and perhaps it held you back from proceeding with your plans. nothing that couldn't be fixed with some time getting to know each other as opposed to only hearing things about the other through the grapevine. as soon as yuki spotted you coming closer with ice cream cones in your hand, she waved enthusiastically.

yuuji really had to give you credit, though there was a split second of surprise in your eyes, you caught your composure swiftly and greeted the group with a small smile. choso couldn’t get a word in as yuki dove in, expressing how excited she was to meet you again and whether you minded going for a little stroll with her so you could get to know each other. you couldn’t deny that one part of you was still cautious, though it was probably the best course of action. get the most difficult, or rather troubling, issue out of your way and then work through the rest. if the opportunity was presented to you as if on a silver platter, you would take it. “i uh- sure? but are your friends okay with that?” you asked hesitantly, aware of the curious glances that choso’s friends sent your way.

“yeah, totally. we were just looking for a free spot around here to set up our stuff but honestly, it’ll be more fun joining you guys. we’ll continue traveling tomorrow so might as well make the most of our time with you!” thrusting her bag in choso’s hands, yuki tucked her arm into yours and took off. she laughed playfully as the guys yelled after her but remained unbothered, turning her attention to you. neither of you said a word as you continued walking along the beach, water softly splashing against your feet. the feeling of sand underneath your feet grounded you, reminding you to stay here and not let your thoughts wander. as soon as you were out of ear shot and yuki was sure nobody could hear you, she looked at you.

"so, finally i get to talk to you. how's your trip been so far? you wouldn't believe how chaotic it is with the guys. i don't know whose idea it was to let mahito plan everything." yuki told you with a chuckle. you were glad that she made the first step, melting the ice between you and giving you a perfect topic to ease into the inevitable conversation that was going to come up soon.

"pretty good, i was very stressed about uni and exams so this little trip was very much needed. though i can't say that it hasn't been chaotic either," you joined in with her giggling. "nobara can be very assertive when she's set her mind to something, especially when that something is shopping or just going to fun sightseeing locations."

"i see, i see. i need to meet her as well, she sounds pretty fun. i haven't been able to catch up with everyone here yet," she explained, wistfully staring at the sunset. "i'm sure choso has told you a little about me, right? about our relationship and how i up and left him. i haven't been home in years."

you nodded, confirming her assumptions. yuki, thankfully, was somebody who didn't take anything to heart and remained calm and humorous throughout. even when you let her know that you weren't the biggest fan of her initially, she just laughed it off. yuki acknowledged that she had done choso wrong and though it hadn't been her intention to, it wasn't the right way to end things. "i contacted choso first thing when i got here because i wanted to fix things."

"he deserved the closure that i couldn't give him at the time - i wasn't doing well and couldn't... i didn't have the words to explain him how and why. i thought that leaving would be the best option, so i couldn't hurt him further but well you see how that ended," you looked at the older female, empathizing with her situation. it was easy carrying a conversation with her, when she took everything with a stride and not backing down from difficult questions.

"i know you think the opposite- and don't even try to deny it, i was able to tell by the way you were acting around me sometimes," yuki added immediately as she saw your face. busted, you thought, you really needed to work on a better poker face. "my intention was never to get back together with choso. i just wanted to fix things so that we could move on without any grudges and resentment towards each other. choso felt the same way."

"and um... you know that one time you were at our place?” "oh, that," yuki snorted at the memory of that night. "i think you had the wrong idea then. i misplaced my hotel keys somewhere after getting smashed at the bar with the guys and choso offered letting me sleep over at your guys' place. since we were close to each other and all, you know? nothing happened, i promise. he lent me some clothes and then crashed on the couch."

“i see… this entire time i thought that choso might still harbour some feelings for you and you did as well. that’s also part of the reason why i backed out, i didn’t want to stand in the way of that if that was how he felt. but considering that you and him are of the same mindset, that is not the case…”

"sorry i never had the opportunity to explain to you, you just kinda bolted out of there and choso didn't want to give me your number," she added, nudging you gently. relief washed over you. it was like a bucket of ice cold water was dumped over you, finally able to regain your senses. of course, nothing had happened. you felt a little stupid, you should have talked to choso about it sooner. and that one time he knocked at your door? he probably simply wanted to explain himself.

"i uh can give you my number later. thank you for clearing things up, i really appreciate it," you mumbled embarrassed, giving her a small smile. "since you were aware of why i acted like that, i should fess up to you as well, right? i only recently came to terms with these feelings so it's been a little overwhelming for me."

"because you didn't want to ruin the relationship that you two have, hm? been there, done that."

the two of you giggled in mutual understanding. yuki slowly started to become more and more likeable to you, your ill feelings towards her dissipating. she was like an older sister, supportive of your resolve to let choso know how you felt and assured you that it was the right thing to do. she confirmed what you already knew in your heart: as long as you didn't talk about the palpable tension between the two of you, you wouldn't be able to get anywhere.

"i'm so glad we talked about this. really, i didn't want to hold any ill feelings towards you."

"honestly, no hard feelings. i get how it looked like, i quite literally crashed into your lives like a wrecking ball. i keep everybody on their toes with how unpredictable i am and i know not all of my friends and family appreciate that," yuki winked at you. "but i do hope that we'll become great friends. i can square up for you, if choso does anything weird."

by the time yuki and you returned back to your group of friends, the sun was almost gone, only a sliver of orange and red hues painting the sky as nightfall was slowly coming in. you took your time getting to know yuki, knowing that she was going to be a part of your life now. she was intertwined with all of your friends and only wanted everyone to be comfortable and happy. after exchanging numbers, she assured you that she would definitely make time to hang out some more as soon as you returned from your respective trips.

your heart skipped a beat when you finally faced choso, giving him a hug as you let him know that you missed him. choso wrapped his arms around you, engulfing you in a bear hug as he murmured against your hair that he missed you as well. neither of you seemed to really want to let go but you knew that everyone would just give you weird looks or tease you about it, if you didn't pull away soon. you really wanted to avoid drawing any attention to you before you talked to choso. "do you have any plans for this evening?" you questioned him quietly as you pulled away.

"not that i'm aware of. we talked about grabbing dinner together while yuki and you were gone but i'm guessing we'll return to the hotel to wash up first before we go. is something wrong?" choso regarded you with concern, looking at you closely to make out any signs of discomfort.

"oh no, i just wanted to talk to you. i would wait until we get back but i feel like... i feel like it would be a good opportunity now," you explained to him, glancing to the side as you noticed some movements. you tried hard to keep a straight face as you saw nobara and yuki giving you a thumbs up, seemingly having bonded already. somehow... somehow you felt like they were ganging up on you already and boy did it feel like you'd be in for a ride.

"sure? i mean we still have a couple of hours until then. you wanna go somewhere more calm to talk?" choso offered, pointing to somewhere in the distance. you agreed silently before giving your friends a sign that you'd be gone for a bit to talk.

the walk towards the little hidden spot underneath some palm trees felt like an eternity, as if you hadn't known each other for quite some time and weren't close at all. it was awkward to say the least. maybe you shouldn't have suggested talking in the way that you did, he must've assumed that something bad was coming. you didn't... couldn't say anything when you finally reached your destination, squirming on the spot as you brushed the sand from side to side with your feet.

"ugh i'm sorry. i dragged you out here to talk and now i'm really nervous about it," you mumbled quietly, not daring to look at him. choso shook his head quickly, assuring you that it was fine. he was patient, not wanting to rush you. after all, it was something the two of you had worked on before - opening up and giving the other time to find the right words so that no misunderstandings would arise between you.

"it's... it's nothing bad, i suppose. but it's been weighing on me and i didn't want you to feel like i was pushing you away again. it's unfair towards you and everybody else that felt uncomfortable because of me."

okay. here it goes, there was no turning back from this point on.

"the reason why everything was so tense between us was because of me. and um- it's because i might have been crushing on you this entire time and realized very, very late," you explained quickly, leaving a small pause so he could process what you had just revealed to him. "so i was in a bad mood sometimes when i didn't understand myself and just took it out on our relationship. i'm really sorry, you were never at fault for it. if anything, i should've talked to you about it before jumping to conclusions. i thought yuki and you were going to get back together and it messed with me."

"hold up." choso stopped you before you could continue. with wide eyes, you stared up at him as he grabbed you by the shoulders and made you look at him. "are you serious right now?"

"dead serious. never been more serious," you retorted. choso suddenly overwhelmed you with a hug, squeezing you tightly. you gasped, losing your footing as you leaned against him and held onto his shirt. "um. what does this mean?"

"i like you too," choso breathed out, relief clear in his voice. "i never considered getting back with yuki. i was going to tell you that we just cleared the air and that i told her i was going to eventually, open up to you about it. but seems the timing was never right for either of us, huh?"

you grinned widely, not being able to hide your joy from him. it felt so unreal, hearing those words from him. while your heart was warm and yearned for him, you weren't sure how to proceed yet. were you a couple just like that? or would you ease into it more, go on dates and that kind of thing? how did people even navigate this? you had so many questions.

"i was hesitant at first since mine and yuki's breakup left such a bitter taste in my mouth but... i didn't want it to ruin whatever relationship would be coming in the future, so i accepted her request to talk. had you asked me a year ago, i would've been angry at you," he hummed quietly, pulling away from you slightly. his arms remained wrapped around your waist, keeping you anchored against him as he looked at you. his eyes sparkled with anticipation and eagerness that wasn't showing on his face otherwise. but you could tell that he was happy, happy that you reciprocated his feelings.

you stayed silent for a while before you finally mustered up the courage to ask: "so are we like a couple now? or... maybe we should discuss this more when we're home."

"i would like to think so, yes," choso intertwined your fingers, swinging your hands ever so slightly between you. "but it would probably be the wisest decision to talk again when we're home. i... want this to be right because i care for you, so much. my heart stopped earlier when you um. told me you liked me, i can't believe-"

"me neither, trust me," you laughed happily, squeezing his hands. even though you knew that things still had to be straightened out, you’d already made a great step forward. his touch felt so familiar and like home, the confession added another layer to your already existing feelings, wrapping you in love and butterflies as if they’d always been there just for you, waiting to be unraveled and discovered. “so… we’ll wait until we get home then?”

“essentially, yes. but it’s nice to know that we’re on the same page about feelings. i really, really like you. so much.”

“okay but… can i kiss you?” you couldn’t resist the temptation, every single cell in your body yearning to feel his lips on yours.

“of course,” choso replied, smiling into the kiss when you finally leaned up and pressed your lips against his, gently cupping your cheeks as he leaned into you.

finally, finally, your heart found the one who would understand and love it the most.

bonus:

“you know, you kinda snitched on yourself when you just assumed out of nowhere that i was asking about choso because i was interested in a relationship with him,” nobara chimed up, peering behind her from the passenger’s seat. in an instant, your cheeks heated up in embarrassment, making you squirm in your seat. you’d almost forgotten about this stupid thought that you had in the beginning and had hoped that she would never catch wind of it as you knew you were being irrational and acting like a highschooler in love. stupid stupid stupid.

“can we not talk about this, please? this is so embarrassing,” you grumbled, lifting your foot slightly to nudge your friend. your friends broke out in booming laughter, highly amused by your bashful reaction, though they thought that it was endearing. really, nobody could resist the temptation to tease you about it. and as they continued to giggle and snort, not being able to calm down, the feeling still warmed your chest. it was moments like these where lighthearted banter, laughter and the feeling of care filled your heart with so much love and appreciation for your friends as you would never be able to navigate these tides without them.

p.s.: if you've made it here, thank you for reading! originally, this chapter was supposed to be much longer but it felt right ending it at this point. the upcoming chapters will be focused on their relationship and couple things, so very fluffy :)

taglist: @darlingdaph @animesllut666 @primavera-allegoria @z3llous @choso-is-love @that-one-band-fan @itadorim @keijisprettygirl

[darling-i-read-it]

The Raven

Takeshi Kovacs x fem!reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: murder, insinutations to smut, injuries, drinking

Author’s Note: he !!!!!!!! HE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway enjoy

I was gonna wait to post this but I feel like you guys deserve it so here you go lmao

Summary: You and Takeshi both stay at the Raven and get to know each other.

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

You ran your hand through your hair as you stepped into the Raven. You held your side, feeling the blood seep through your fingers. Poe materialized behind the counter, his eyebrow raised.

“What happened to you?” he asked curiously. You shrugged, a weak smile on your face.

“Nothing that won’t be fixed with a hot shower and a glass of bourbon,” you said through gritted teeth. Poe nodded and walked around the desk and over to the bar. You leaned against the counter, trying not to bleed all over it as you waited.

“Should I provide medical assistance?” he asked. You shook your head.

“I can handle myself.” Poe walked back over to you and handed you the glass. You took it and downed it in one drink. The liquid stung your throat as it always did but it was a welcome feeling after everything you had been through. “I’ll be taking that shower now,” you said as you put the glass down. You were about to turn when you noticed Poe’s face. He looked like he was trying to muster the courage to tell you something. “Are you kicking me out?”

“No!” he said much too quickly. That meant one thing. There was something that might make you want to leave. You raised an eyebrow.

“Spit it out Poe.” He let out a sigh.

“I have another guest.” You scoffed.

“Are you serious?”

“Don’t be so surprised. I run a very nice establishment.” You nodded. You had been the only customer at the Raven for months. It started as just wanting to go under the radar then you ended up liking it there. No one ever came. Poe was good company. You paid a monthly fee instead of a nightly one, he liked you so much.

“Anyone I should know?” you asked, wondering if it was one of your old enemies out to get you here. You hoped it wasn’t. You had no desire to leave. You would have to find a whole new space and you had grown comfortable here.

“No unless you keep friends with Envoys.” Your eyes opened wide and you forgot about the pain in your abdomen.

“An Envoy here? Well Poe, I can’t say you’re boring,” you said and then the pain was back. “As much as I would love to learn more, I really have to stitch this. What room are they in?”

“I can’t disclose that information,” he said. You scoffed, pushing yourself off the desk you were leaning on.

“Come on Poe.”

“I can’t. It’s in my mainframe.” You rolled your eyes.

“Are they on my floor?” He thought about it for a moment and then nodded gently, giving in.

“He is.” You smiled to yourself.

“He. Good to know.” You started to walk toward the elevator. “See you tomorrow Poe!” He waved to you, a fond smile on his face. He wondered if you would like Takeshi. He laughed quietly in the empty room. Takeshi would like you. He didn’t like many people but he imagined Takeshi would quite like you.

====

You brushed through your wet hair gingerly, still in pain from the stitches you had given yourself. Thankfully it wasn’t anything bad. You imagined it wouldn’t bother you at all in a couple months. You looked out the large window in your room and put your hair brush down. You deserved a few hours of shut eye. Maybe you could even sleep in tomorrow if no one came in to try and kill you.

Your mind lingered on the Envoy you were sharing a building with. You didn’t think any existed anymore.

You were about to shut the blinds down so the night sky couldn’t be seen anymore when you noticed something. Smoke. You took your hand off the blinds button and walked to the far side of the window, squinting.

Cigarette smoke coming from the building. So close it probably came from the room next to you. You scoffed. Poe put the Envoy in the room next to you. You imagined him, trying to picture what he may look like. A deadly killer.

You smiled gently to yourself and closed the blinds.

=====

Takeshi shrugged on his pants. The girl Poe had sent up had left ages ago but he had just now gotten around to putting his clothes back on. Tak ran his hand through his hair, taking a cigarette out of the pack and lighting it. He stared out into the city around him, watching the lights turn on in the buildings. The sun had just risen.

The room was so silent he heard the door open next door and shut closed. He perked up. He figured he was the only person staying in the Raven. What kind of person would stay here? Other than him.

He blew out some smoke and walked to the door, opening it without a second thought. You were walking down the hall away from him. He caught only the back of you as you turned the corner.

“Yeah, yeah I’m on my way. Let me at least eat breakfast,” you said into the phone you were holding up. Breakfast. That sounded good. He was pretty sure Poe would make him a complimentary breakfast if he asked.

He tossed on a shirt and jacket as he put out his cigarette before going to the elevator. He found you were still waiting, the door opening only as he approached. He had figured he would get a better look at you downstairs but in the elevator was fine too. You hung up the phone and stepped in. He soon followed, making you jump.

You looked over at him, meeting his eyes. The Envoy. He looked uninterested. But handsome. You had to imagine that wasn’t actually his actual sleeve but the one picked out for him had been a good one.

You hit the button for the first level. The doors closed.

“I didn’t think anyone else was staying here,” he said. Even his voice was enticing. You shrugged.

“I was here first.” He smiled a bit.

“Why are you staying at an AI-run hotel?”

“Why are you?” He nodded. He wasn’t getting an answer. That was fine. “Y/N,” you said, not offering a last name. You had to force yourself not to look at him. He thought about giving you only his last name, as he tended to do with people he didn’t trust.

“Takeshi.”

The elevator doors opened, revealing Poe on the other side waiting for you both. His eyes went wide.

“Friends already?” he asked. You scoffed.

“How many rooms does this place have Poe? You could have put us on separate floors at least,” you said, walking forward. Takeshi stepped out as well.

“I like to keep you close in case help is needed.”

“Why would help be needed?” Takeshi asked. Poe eyed him. You eyed both of them. Whatever Takeshi was here for, you imagined it was dangerous.

“Well you’re both high class people. I’m being precautious,” Poe said.

“Breakfast?” you asked Takeshi. He had things to do. He had things to do. He had to leave this place and go find answers, manipulate people, understand the world around him. He didn’t need breakfast.

“I like my eggs over easy.” Poe nodded, smiling.

He knew Takeshi would like you.

====

You had been trying to just go about your day of crime, not think about some man. That wasn’t your style. You didn’t dwell on anything. You couldn’t afford to. You had jobs to do, people to get rid of.

But Takeshi and you had a nice breakfast. Neither of you gave much up about yourselves but it was nice. Talks of the weather, joking about Poe. Simple things.

You walked back into the Raven that night late, like you usually did. You didn’t have any injuries this time around, thankfully. You holstered your gun when you walked in and smiled at Poe.

“You look much better today,” he commented.

“I am. No need for stitches.”

“Your companion doesn’t look as good,” Poe commented offhandedly. You squinted.

“My com-” You scoffed. “Takeshi is not my companion. We just stay at the same hotel,” you explained.

“And share eggs.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Came back today looking awful. Though I’m not allowed to let anyone up in his room myself.”

“I never asked you to let me into his room.” You met Poe’s eyes. “I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

You rode the elevator up to your floor. You walked down the hallway and paused at your door. You put your hand on the handle and kept it there for a moment. Takeshi didn’t need you to help clean up his messes. Breakfast had been fine but it had been brief.

You looked over at his door.

“Damn Poe,” you whispered to yourself, sure he could hear you somehow. You walked to Takeshi's door and knocked. There was some light shuffling and then the door opened. He was standing shirtless before you, a stitching needle in his arm as it bled.

“Can I help you?” he asked.

“According to Poe, it’s you I can help,” you said. You gestured to the half stitched injury. “I’m pretty good at that if you want company that isn’t an AI desperate to tear your pants off.” He thought about it for a second. You figured he would turn you down. He didn’t need your help, you knew that. He was perfectly capable. But you had to ask.

He opened the door further and you nodded once, stepping inside. You hadn’t seen any other rooms but yours. It looked like the exact same, minus some touches. He had out bandages and things on the table. He sat down at the chair and you sat down in the one beside him.

“I’ve never been good at stitching,” he admitted.

“We all have our faults,” you said quietly. You scooted the chair closer to him so you could get a better look. Your knee was between his leg and his knee was between yours. You tried not to focus on it. You ran your finger over his bicep and took the needle from him. “What happened?” He gave you a look. “Alright. I understand.” You started to work and remained silent.

Takeshi watched your focused gaze.

“You are good at that,” he said after a couple quiet minutes. You smiled, not looking at him because you were too tuned in.

“I’ve had to learn.” You finished up and leaned back, lifting your shirt enough to show him your stitched abdomen. He leaned back and nodded.

“You’re better company than the AI’s.”

“Don’t say that too loud. Poe has ears everywhere,” you whispered, laughing a bit.

“I don’t think I can hurt his feelings. He’s an AI.” You rolled your eyes.

“They have feelings,” you argued. You stood up. “I hope that heals nicely,” you said gently.

“It will,” he said.

“Goodnight Takeshi.” You started towards the door.

“Breakfast tomorrow?” You turned back to him and nodded.

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

====

You didn’t know much about Takeshi but he did open up over the next couple days. You had spent mornings and nights together but you always retreated to your separate rooms before sleeping. You had told him a little about yourself and he shared more about himself.

You liked him.

He liked you.

You sat on his bed, looking out the window.

“I think that building is a sleeve manufacturer,” you said, pointing to one of the tall buildings. He raised an eyebrow.

“I thought that was a cosmetics place.” “Same thing Tak.” He laughed, rolling his eyes. He was laying on the bed, his hands behind his head.

“The one next to it is run by an asshole.” He poured himself a drink off the bottle on his bedside table. You took it from him before he could get a sip, taking a swig and then handing it back to him.

“They’re all run by assholes,” you muttered.

“Is that why you run around killing them?”

“Hey, I wasn’t able to fight in a war against them. It’s the best I can do,” you said honestly. He pursed his lips and shrugged.

“I’d say you’re doing a halfway decent job,” he admitted.

“I try.”

You looked over at him, meeting his eyes.

“I wasn’t going to mention the new cut over your eye but it’s bleeding and now I feel I have to mention it.” He brought a finger up to his eyebrow, looking at the blood. “This sleeve,” he muttered.

“At least it’s pretty,” you said as you got up, grabbing a bandage and coming back to him. You sat down beside him and leaned forward, wiping the blood away and put the bandage on him.

“I can do that,” he said.

“You say that every time I do something and yet you let me keep going,” you muttered. You made sure it was alright and looked him in the eye. You quickly looked away, not letting yourself linger in his eyes. He was too dangerous and he slept with the AI in the building and he killed-

He kissed you before you could finish the thought and it all went out the window because he was a really good kisser. He cupped your cheek, grabbing you around the waist. He moved you closer to him so you were practically in his lap. He sat up and his hands moved down your back.

You pulled away but he kept kissing down your neck as you leaned over the bedside table, hitting the button and closing the blinds.

====

Poe had made the eggs at the same time he did every day. He had always made them for you and just decided to add Takeshi’s when he made yours. It was simple and you were always punctual.

Except today.

He waited patiently and twenty minutes after you usually came down, you and Takeshi entered the ground floor. You yawned, rubbing your neck.

“I didn’t mean to-”

“I’m not complaining Kovacs,” you said. Poe smiled.

“How was your night? The eggs are cold, you’re both late.” Takeshi sat down, taking a drink of the cup Poe left out.

“It was a good night,” he said.

“A decent night,” you teased.

“You sleep well?” Poe asked politely. You nodded stiffly, hiding a smile.

“Very well.”

“You both know I know everything that happens in my hotel right?” Poe asked. Takeshi shrugged.

“Then you should have known when we would come down,” Takeshi said.

“And you should have known it was Takeshi’s fault,” you said.

“I didn’t hear you complaining,” he muttered. Poe smiled.

“I know you two would like each other.”