#this keeps crashing my tumblr app for some reason

[struck-by-the-rain]

lonely storm no longer

[bratprivilege]

Anybody know where I can find the Magnus archives blogs? 👀

[blackcatanna]

Instagram is really one of the worst, shittiest, broken apps I've ever used and I have used the Tumblr app! At least when the Tumblr app crashes, I can reopen it and do whatever. Instagram just refuses to do what I want, gives me incomprehensible error messages, breaks things, deletes and corrupts posts and images and just makes me want to claw my face off. Also, I can't even use the browser version to try and do things because it doesn't let me do what I want on there FOR SOME FUCKING STUPID REASON. I JUST WANT TO MAKE A NEW ACCOUNT FOR MY BUSINESS. I HAVE TRIED DOING IT ON MY NEW PHONE AND THE BROWSER AND MY OLD PHONE AND I KEEP GETTING FUCKING ERROR MESSAGES. WHY?!?!?!? NOW IT'S TELLING ME THAT THE USERNAME I CHOSE IS TAKEN EVEN THOUGH IT WASN'T A FEW SECONDS AGO. SO I TRIED A DIFFERENT VARIATION AND IT SAYS IT'S FINE UNTIL IT THROWS UP A NETWORK ERROR MESSAGE AND TRIES TO TELL ME THAT THAT'S TAKEN TOO. I DON'T TRUST THAT THIS IS THE ACTUAL ISSUE BECAUSE IT ONLY HAPPENS WHEN I GET TO THIS SAME POINT ON THE APP AND IT'S DRIVING ME FUCKING INSANE. I'M SORRY THAT I'M JUST RANTING BUT I AM SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW. JUST. LET. ME. MAKE. A. NEW. ACCOUNT. YOU. STUPID. FUCKING. APP.

[nettlewildfairy]

Tumblr made that big long post and a lot of people are angry reacting to some like surprisingly reasonable suggestions that solve widespread long time  complaints

i dont know how they plan to solve everything just yet but as someone who knows some things about the industry and jargon here are my 2 cents

Here is a link to the referenced post

Principle 1: Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr

in an age where most social media sites are making it aesoteric and difficult to share posts offsite /app tumblr is considering making it easier to do

yall do you know how hard it is to link a long tumblr post with like a comic or funny string of replies to share with my friends who arent on tumblr? i have to take like 15 screenshots every time. IF staff is priorizing making it easier to share posts that would be so much better oh my god 2 High quality content on launch.  the pessamistic assumption is that this could mean a mandatory algorithm but if you read carefully you’ll notice they never fully say thats even remotely what they are going to do. This seems to be a suggestion that the default new user experience will change. 

If you like me made an account 10 years ago this looks like it won’t affect your experience whatsoever. 

but like trying to sort through tags to find blogs and curate my own feed actively took like over a year to get to a place where i’m happy when i did it in 2011/2012

if feeds and tags Worked that would be good. the for you page and exploration features on tumblr do, admittedly suck right now. there SHould be easier ways to find and search for stuff on tumblr. if their search worked better and finding stuff you wanted to see was easier that Would improve the experience for most people on this site.  3. facilitate easier user participation in conversations folks if replys could be threaded in some way it would be 1000 times easeir to have convos with them. like i do not get what people are upset about here. like a person shouldn’t have to reblog their own post 15 times in a row to reply to different people about the same thing. they could make this so much better.  4. Retain and grow our creator base

 it IS hard for art to see and get seen. if i had a nickle for every time i saw a post begging people to reblog art i’d have like so many nickles.  I would like to see more art. and ttrpg creators. there’s like stuff i have to go to twitter for and its small time ttrpg, art, writing, and literary magazines because even when those folks are on tumblr its extraordinarily difficult to find them with the systems currently in place.

 like i don’t know that tumblr has a good plan to make this kind of thing easier but if they did figure it out it would rule. and its good to know that this is a priority for the company 5.  Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr

throttling notifications rules. i have commented on tumblr staff posts dozens of times for like 5+ years asking for this, thank GOD. if you reblog a lot of posts you get a lot of notes even if you have like 15 people regularly interacting with your stuff on 100 posts a day thats like 1500 notifications. it collapses some by post or interaction type but that is NOT enough and the notification bar always says 99+ unless i checked it less than a minute ago, im dying please make notifications meaningful and not overwhelming. 

6: Performance, stability and quality

this is generic and means very little obviously anyone making an app wants it to crash less often.  bonus: ive seen people get upset at the implication that they are instituting a mandatory algorithm but the site has had an option algorithm for like ages, it doesn't imply its mandatory anywhere or that they're taking away our option to turn it off. there are already artist showcase things on the dash on the regular, if you have adblock on you can’t see some of those, but they've had them for fully years. 

its highly unlikely that they would get rid of one of the main selling points of tumblr.com they’re like a real company thats done bare minimum market research, like folks no one other than musk would do something that boneheaded

[fukashiin]

rating my mutuals!

i dont have too many but it'd still be fun to rate you guys as a small bday gift from me in return for the interactions and moments I've made with you up until now <33 (if you arent here then i was too shy to mention you but i love your works tremendously!!)

@jeidoleech ⤷ KHOI !

1000/10

my first ever twst mutual on tumblr actually. you dont understand i squealed like SQUEALED when you followed me back and tagged me in your mutuals list?? i was over the moon <33 your writing style is adorable and it really butters my biscuits AND I WAS OBSESSED WITH YOUR BABY BLUE THEME WHEN I FIRST FOLLOWED YOU GOODBYE. so thank you?? for following me like?? SO much??? you were apart of the reasons why i wanted to continue writing for this fandom <3333 i cant keep up with you altering between jade and Floyd im gnna be completely honest OKAY.

@mifyu ⤷ MIFFY !

youre adorable/10

some of the sweetest people I've ever met hello??? and your themes just??? top it off???? i was super shy to ask if you wanted to become mutuals but ohmygod i wasnt expecting you to be the ballsy one. thank you for becoming mutuals with me your works are just the prettiest and im looking forward to more!! i bet if we had a competition to see who could say 'ily more' you'd win by a mile.

@iuuru ⤷ MILLIE

我愛你你你你/10

HELLO IM SO GLAD I REACHEDJ OUT TO YOU WHAT. you match my energy so well and i love that abt you??? MY CHINESE SPEAKIMG COMPANION???? the moment i clicked on your blog i just KNWEW i had to become your moot you just seemed so fun and lovable AND YOU ARE. i was able to improve my chi vocab by a little bit because of you and im genuinely so grateful?? MY FAV LEONA KISSER YOUR WORKS AND IMAGINATION IS LITERALLY IMPECCABLE ILYSM I HOPE TO SPEAK IN CHI WITH YOU SM MORE AND CRASH THE TAG LIMIT BY FAWNING OVER YOUR WORKS

@tinyletterz ⤷ REMY !

stop being so gorgeous???/10

i could use up all the synonyms for beautiful in all the languages i know and it still wouldn't be enough. your works are the prettiest???hello??? whyre they so soft and fuzzy??? u deserve all the cupcakes and cats in the world ill literally take you to the cat island. youre personality is so lovely i literally go through the whole water cycle whenever you answer my ask??? so thank you for being my mutual<33 ALSO WHAT SHOULD WE NAME OUR CAT CAFE??

newer mutuals who i'd love to know better!

your guys' personalities are amazingf and itms such an honour to be your mutual KISSES

@siphoklansan ⤷ SIPHOK !

YOUREAMAZINGATARTSTOP/10

your works. your animations. who allowed you to be that talented??? ill always remember the time you said i was lively and fun even before we became mutuals! that made my day!! youre literally some of the nicest people ive met on this app so never give up on your passion for art IM LITERKALLY GOBBLING THEJM ALL UP <3

@twistedchatterbox ⤷ NOIR !

9038839/10

i cnat believe your first interaction with me was digging up my thirst post for idia STOP. IM A CHANGED PERSON. but ohmygod youre so good at art too?? can you stop being so talented with both writing AND drawing???? but regardless im so happy to be your mutual you seem so hardworking with every work you post and i appreciate that sm?? AND I LOVE YOUR OC. SHES BEAUTIFUL;

@cupids-chamber ⤷ CUPID !

i relate to you an eerie amount/10

i couldve sworn i started hyperventilating the moment i saw you follow me????? you may not think that your crack fics are funny BUT THEY REALLY ARE??? at the same time your normal ones make me SQUEAL AND KICK MY FEET IN THE AIR IM SO TEMPTED TO GET RUN OVER BY AN ACTIVE SPEEDING BUS. and congrats on 4.35k!! i hope we interact a lot more <33

⤷ FOLLOWERS !

♾/10

FROM DECEMBER UNTIL NOW IM SO SO GRATEFUL FOR THE NUMBER OF FOLLOWERS I CURRENTLY JHAVE??? YOU GUYS READ MY WORKS AND LIKED/REBLOGGED AND ITS LITERALLY SO MUCH MORE I COULD EVER ASK FOR??????? SO I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT YOURE ALL SUPER IMPORTANT AND DEAR TO ME I LOVE YOU ALL SMM<333

[indestinatus]

I saw your post about people still being mean to you because of that gifset. I just wanted to come here and say I think your gifset is amazing. It absolutely crashed my mobile app, but that's tumblr's issue and not yours! And I'm super serious in saying that looking at your gifset was also definitely worth crashing my app for. Content like yours is the reason for tumblr!! It's the entire point! I'll let my app crash a thousand times before I'd move to a different site. Mostly I'm just sad it made it difficult to reblog your gifset, but again that's really not on you.

Anyway all this to say: hope you're doing okay and don't let the mean ones get to you. You're blessing us with your art and hard work and people really should just learn to keep their mouths shut.

anon, somehow I missed this. thank you so much for saying that, it warmed my heart in a way I can't explain. I love fandom because I'm also such a fan of trivia and edits and content, I hope to bring more of what I have so much fun doing.

let's be honest tumblr sucks but there's nothing that can compare to it. thank you from the bottom of my heart for saying that, I know it wasn't very wise to leave so many gifs in one set but I'm glad some people support it still!!!

[sunriseverse]

4 for the ask meme??? I desire all your thoughts. require them even. and a glimpse into your wips. 👁️

okay. deep breaths. i will not throw my phone out the window because tumblr crashed this ask and deleted everything i had written. anyway.

i have a LOT of wip ideas but the most active wip i have in my head at the moment is sunrise, and i have a couple things planned at the moment.

1. this is a xiaoge pov fic, with a mixture of third and second person pov (third for past/present, second for behind the rift). i keep trying to write it and stopping because it’s such uncharted territory for me and i want it to be PERFECT but i know i shouldn’t be so intense about it……..but also i want it to be exactly how i have imagined it in my head. here’s what i have so far:

2. this is a xiaosanjiao fic, with two main focuses: one, how wu xie in this verse is specifically callous and cruel towards li cu while also trying to maintain his innocence, the only reason he has any use for him, and two, the way li cu only survives because he is loved. i’ve got a lot of thoughts about prototypal anchor bonds and they are quite literally the case study for it—especially when you consider that their bond is basically comparable to the iron triangle’s. what can i say, sha hai took me out back and shot me with that metaphor and now i can’t let it rest.

now onwards and inwards towards my notes app, where lieth the beasts who dwell in waiting (wips i would like to get to some day but which have lower priority). there’s a lot of these so they’re going below the cut.

1. iron triangle time loop fic. i love a good time loop i love when things hurt and people have to watch their loved ones die. for a change of pace it would be pangzi who remembers the loops. because i like to torture the characters i love.

2. xiaoge taking pangzi and wu xie to visit baima’s grave. i just………have a lot of feelings about graves and how xiaoge only knew her for three days and how she wasn’t even really conscious and how despite that it was clearly an incredibly meaningful thing to him. also i think xiaoge would want the men he loves to meet the woman who loved him, even if they’re separated inescapably by time and distance.

3. silly fake marriage fic that hinges on that stupid marriage chair of fo ye’s (okay that’s not what it is and that’s not what happened but allow me to jest for a moment. to joke.). this is 100% self indulgent and ignoring any real world implications etc etc so the likelihood of it getting written ever is vanishingly low (i cannot stop thinking about Implications, alas), but hey, it’s a fun concept.

4. technically i wrote this but i would love to revisit it: dæmon au where xiaoge’s dæmon isn’t able to cross over the bronze gate with him and instead is left comatose in the real world and the only true indication that wu xie and pangzi have that xiaoge is still alive. i think initially when i thought of it my plan was for wu xie to care for them, but i’ve since decided that he would probably entrust that to pangzi, both because that’s safer, and because he doesn’t trust himself with the task.

5. pangzi in a qipao as a disguise for some fancy party they’re infiltrating for whatever reason. do i need to explain this further. alternatively a mundane au where pangzi is a model.

6. au where wu xie’s hatred and disgust and fear of what he’s turning himself into physically alters him into being visibly “monstrous” and it doesn’t go away after everything and he tries to hide it because he’s terrified of how pangzi and xiaoge will react if they find out. heavily inspired by this one comic i saw about a character hiding in a bathtub behind the curtain because they turned into their monstrous form and can’t remember how to turn back, and then the other person gets into the bathtub and holds their hand and shows them a photo of some happy moment and tells them it’s okay, they’ll wait. yeah. also vague allegories for bipolar onset because i have exactly three dead horses and i’m not going to stop beating them.

7. wu xie with glasses. listen. look at me. the glasses agenda must be advanced.

8. boyfriend item thief xiaoge. sweaters. food. that one blanket pangzi could have sworn he left on the sofa. hearts. etc.

9. technically i kind of wrote this a bit with “hearts’ keep” but a fic where li cu and wu xie keep running into each other and li cu is horribly reminded repeatedly of the ways that people keep drawing parallels between him and su wan and yang hao and the iron triangle. i just want to write about complicated relationships and the horrifying knowledge that you are in love with your best friends you know?

okay that’s it i THINK. or at least everything that’s more than just three words and no context/scribbling that got incorporated into other things.

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

Stranger Things Spiderman AU

There's pictures at the end

I got some ideas from the byler-centric one, but I kinda went hyperfocus mode on El and didn't sleep, so here it is.

I've decided that the kids are 16 when the story takes place, more or less arbitrarily.

Brenner was doing spider-related experiments. As I built out the story more, he's kind of in the place of Norman Osborne I think. Tbh I wasn't too worried about him being in character. He's at this point gotten several human subjects- the lab kids.

Brenner kind of raised El to think she was dangerous to the other kids for (insert whatever the fuck the canon reasoning was which is still beyond me) this is where she starts playing drums (bc I made her as Ghost Spider and Gen Stacey plays drums) Brenner days is so that she can "release all her psychic energy so she doesn't blow the building up" but really there's guards trained to check in if they hear the noise stop in case she escapes.

When Will and MJ/Mike are on a field trip, they find El and help her escape disguised as a student, while another spider lands on Will's jacket unbeknownst to them.

El and the other lab kids always wore plain black and white suits and sweaters, but after El sees Will painting, she gets inspired to customize hers with blue and red or pink (I haven't decided) webs.

El immediately stays with the Byers bc they're isn't the whole yk Will missing thing. I have a convo halfway planned where they decide her cover name is Elenor. Fight me.

El's telekinesis allows her to remain unseen when she starts out so she gets called "The Ghost Hero" until her spider emblem gets spotted, earning the name "The Ghost Spider"

Mikhail is Harry Osborne. Fight me.

Since Mikhail is here, I thought I'd include Enzo and somehow relate him to Oscorp. Most of them are scientists, but then I remembered a Spiderman villain called Rhino who isn't one and who could tie into the whole Spider-Super Soldiers plot.

Will and Mike childhood best friends -> dating, obviously.

I looked up Gwen Stacey (Spider Gwen/ Ghost Spider)'s band name- it's the Mary Janes. I decided to change it to the Mary Sues as a joke bc yk El has powers. Max is obv in the band as well but I haven't decided her instrument yet. I remember the MJs having just girls in the band, so maybe I can incorporate the Goth Girlfriend from Lenora High... or the Art Gfs tbh. I don't know yet whether Max should know about El's powers or anything or whether there's elmax, but I'm not really writing this writing this, so I can pick and choose what's canon by the day. Probably not since she's fresh out of the lab...

Click bc tumblr crops images.

So here's the story: Brenner has the kids in the lab, probably as part of some scheme to have spider super soldiers or something. They all wear plain white suits and plain black and white sweaters. They aren't very warm and don't have even pockets or drawstrings, they really just serve as identification. They also have on marks that are meant to protect them, but they're also intentionally impersonal and not very emotive to keep the kids from socializing. The original design is on the left, and next to it is two of my ideas for color schemes once El customizes it with the spider webs on the sweater sleeves and boots. Cyan with pink-y bright red webs or dark blue with baby pink webs. I also chose to add a heart to the face to make it more "her" and cute bc canon El has homemade hearts in her room, but I'm not sure about the placement. The back of the sweater also has a spider emblem.

Fun fact between all the designs and thumbnails and my app crashing I drew 36 webs :) I'm still not good at them :) I have SO much respect for comic artists that regularly draw Spiderman's web design in action shots repeatedly by hand how tf are some of y'all still alive?

Color scheme thumbnails+progress shoot from when I was going to have cyan highlights on the dark blue boots

I also gave El a secret identity and some civilian clothes! I have a halfway planned conversation of how her identity gets established that I might post later if anyone (read: me) cares enough. I tried to keep some aspects of El's own canon fashion but a little different from Will and Jonathan. I kept her layers and patterns (El's style had my heart) and a stylized version of the sports jersey inspired shirt that she wears at the end of S4. I think adding bracelets and wearing embroidered clothes is something she would do just because it's *more*. Putting more of herself out in stark contrast to her bland uniform. The capri jeans have a heart patch, a flower patch, and a star patch on the keg we can see and decorative top-stitching on the hems. The high top converse have a smiley patch on one and a heart patch on the other and her shirt is embroidered with scattered daisies. Her long striped undershirt (totally stolen from Max) is slightly inspired by Gwen's fingerless gloves looking design in next year's Spiderverse movie. "Long range spider sense" is listed in her powers and just means the weird telepathy grey area that canon El has as opposed to Will's Peter Parker-esque Spider Sense. I also gave her super strength because I wanted to.

On second thought she probably wears running shoes but oh well.

[ghosts-of-love]

Hi! Tumblr has crashed on me many times now while typing this, but I just wanted to say that I loved Adored and saw that some people were sending in songs that remind them of your fan works and wanted to chip in lol.

For me, whenever I read fanfiction I let Spotify run in the background with recommended tracks and sometimes add things that fit the ✨mood✨, so to speak. And oftentimes, certain songs get replayed more than others, thanks to the lovely algorithm.

So now whenever I hear Head Over Heels by Tears For Fears I intrinsically think of Adored.

Especially whenever these lyrics play:

You keep your distance via the system of touch

And gentle persuasion

I'm lost in admiration, could I need you this much?

Oh, you're wasting my time

You're just, just, just wasting time

And that’s what they do!! They waste time for 6 years and just dance around each other! They don’t even know that they’re both head over heels!

And when it played again when the breakup scene happened? After What Difference Does it Make? Destroyed me.

Sorry if this is a mess I cannot format this without being booted out of the app

yooooo oh my goodness this is such a good shout! And thank you for battling tumblr's determination to boot you out the app to send this ask! 💕💕

The verse that you sent is absolutely CORRECT for so many reasons. And even just in the chorus: "I never find out until I'm head over heels" like these two were 'keeping their distance via the system of touch' (or as I like to say, straight up boinking) but fully didn't understand their feelings/want to act on them for sooooo long it's ridiculous. And by the time the Captain knew about his feelings, for example, it was already too late. even though he told Pat he could carry on with the fwb (enemies with benefits ig) thing they had going on, there's no way he could have ever been Normal about it if they had.

Thank you so much for sending!! ❤️❤️

[blueempty]

I keep forgedding

I was talking to my brother today about how tumblr is causing me brain damage even though i'm not on here all that much, and he got me reading manga while I'm bored now cuz he sent me a link to the Inuyasha manga. That shit is so good, but i'm gonna have to switch to the Viz media app cuz Manga Dex only has the first chapter in english and the rest are in Portuguese for some reason lol. But that and Kamiko got me on my shrine maiden/ sailor fuku grind again so I'm probably gonna play more Pocky and Rocky and or Kiki Kaikai soon. And if I ever get more time to draw its over

I have just been drawing on my phone all day cuz I think I'm gonna have to master the Medibang mobile version if i'm ever gonna get anything done. Its so much less intuitive than Sai but it isnt bad. The watercolor tool is actually pretty good

Other than reading and watching inuyasha we played a little more Monster Hunter GenU and my new character is finally in G rank. We fought a Silverwind Nargacuga because i'm gonna need its switch axe later but it was way tougher than I thought it was supposed to be on the first quest

I still feel another brain crash coming but I'm keeping myself moving enough that it hasn't caught up yet. If this next paycheck is less than $1300 though you guys are gonna hear about it

Peace and Long Life

[officialgleamstar]

Hive Social is really bad btw. If you guys were curious.

The load times are slow and clunky, which isn’t great but I’m willing to overlook that due to the influx of new users. The app also crashes a lot, and every time it has for me, I couldn’t tell why. Probably also the new users?

Swiping up and down on profiles is just… weird, it almost seems to get stuck on just posts when you scroll down, and you have to touch certain parts of the screen to see the bio again. This might be on purpose, since you refresh the profile in that mode, but I don’t understand why that’s the case and it feels unintuitive.

You can’t undo reposts (their retweets/reblogs, not screenshotting and reposting) as far as I can tell. This isn’t great for obvious reasons. I reposted some art then checked the artist’s account, went “wow I’m kind of uncomfortable with this vibe”, but then couldn’t take the art off of my account. I sent in a help support message about that and haven’t gotten a response yet (which is fine since again, I’m sure they’re busy with the influx of new users), but I’ve tried most of the buttons and it isn’t obvious if there’s a way to undo reposts. Ultimately it’s not a huge issue in this case, I don’t care much about having Raymond Animal Crossing art as my first post and I’m sure the weird vibes from the artist was mostly jokes on her part, but it’s still not good when your users can’t delete things.

Ultimately, I’ll probably keep using Hive casually, but there’s a reason why Tumblr is my main platform. I’m used to the odd glitches and crashes on my tumblr dash, and I can delete things that I don’t like later XD

[mister-girl]

Idk if it’s my old ass phone or if the tumblr app is fucking up but for some reason I am unable to see my likes without tumblr crashing. How am I supposed to see the photos of frank iero I wish to reblog at a later date if this keeps happening

[kass-storycorner]

Mentally I’m getting worse again (tho I try to do all the stuff I learned from two years in therapy to … prevent it from getting bad bad ), so I’ve only been thinking about how some of the Genshin characters would comfort me? So here have this, whatever this is, that I wrote at 2am on a night before I have 11am shift at work. Using you in all of this but honestly this is 100% self indulgent. I just want someone to cuddle with. Pretty sure most of this isn’t really in character and every point is vastly different from the others but hey, it is what it is. As long as I’m in my current mindset my stuff won’t be any better than this

Genre: fluff, a bit of angst I guess idk man, comfort i hope

Content warnings: depression (?) I don’t go too much into detail, don’t want to write out those negative thoughts HA but you know you are just not in a good spot in these, absolutely inconsistent writing, every character has to deal with a different stage of feeling depressed and yeah

Characters: Diluc, Childe, Albedo, Yoimiya

Fun fact: my app crashed while writing this so thank the tumblr admins that you can restore posts you wrote after the app crashes one of the few good features of the app

Diluc:

Would definitely notice the first small changes in your behaviour, but wouldn’t think much of it in the beginning.

Maybe you are just tired? And even if not Diluc knows best that no one can always be chipper.

Still he doesn’t know how to act around you when you are sad / heading towards a depressive episode.

He would offer you his help, you just need to say what you need and he’ll give it to you.

Ah, but Diluc didn’t really consider at first that you would be too afraid to ask, even when he offered it to you.

One day he will directly ask you in the privates of your home if you are okay. At first you would try to brush it off, not wanting to be a burden on Diluc. You know how much he’s been through and that he also has his emotional scars… would be a bit selfish to dump it all onto him, wouldn’t it?

But oh, you’ve been dying to talk with someone about your feelings, craving a warm hug and words of comfort… so when Diluc doesn’t drop the topic you just let it all out.

He will take you in his arms and hug you, cuddle you, as long as you want. He’ll stroke your hair, quietly listening to your words, only small “mmmhs” and “it’s okay” leaving him, to reassure you that it’s fine for sharing it all.

When none of you talks all you can hear is his steady breath and oh, it’s so soothing.

Maybe you end up crying, while sharing all of it with him. All he does is to pull you closer into his chest, saying that it’s okay and tell you to let it all out.

Diluc hides his softer side from the people of Mondstadt, always hiding behind the more grumpy image some of him have, but he knows that it’s not good to run away from your own feelings. What you need to do is to feel them, do not try to push them aside because you are uncomfortable with them.

Generally he would be soft, kind and understanding. At first he might give you too much room, afraid he might be overstepping a boundary when he keeps pushing you in the beginning. Ends up in you isolating yourself / pulling away more, but once Diluc sees the pattern he will be more attentive to your needs and learn to differentiate between you needing space and you isolating.

Though please communicate with him better, he’s busy and if him having less time for you causes you distress you need to tell him, he might only notice it after the feelings festered.

Childe:

Oh boy - he hasn’t seen you in a while, Fatui duties you know, so when he knocks on your door one day he notices immediately that you are not in a good place.

This man - he cooks, he cleans, we all joke about him being the perfect husband but seriously. He sees the state of you, the state of your apartment and immediately helps.

Having spend the last week or two in a depressive state caused you to neglect your housework - the dirty dishes are everywhere and laundry keeps piling up. Not to talk about how you look.

Childe will make you a bath and while you’re in it he cleans. An immense help!!! Taking away a good chunk of thinks that made you feel just so overwhelmed and helpless.

The whole time he wouldn’t breach the topic of why it has come to that point, but now after you finished the bath and the apartment looks liveable again he asks you what’s wrong.

Honestly you don’t know yourself, you’ve been just lacking more and more energy to do the basic tasks and suddenly everything was a mess.

Will wipe away your tears and tell you “don’t cry, I’m here”, taking you in a hug.

When he’s around more, will he notice it when it slowly gets worse? Mmh, yeah!! He definitely notice when you are feeling more down, seeing how your interactions change and how your laughs become more forced.

In the beginning he will just try to make you feel all the “positive” feelings, not wanting you to feel any “negative” emotions at all

this man definitely represses his own trauma a lot and has a horrible way of coping with it so I doubt he would be the most emotionally intellectual person to help you through it

Though when you show that you don’t feel like showing your sadness aside and you just want someone to share it with / need some comfort he will adjust to your needs

Albedo:

Boy as impeccable observation skills, he will notice immediately when something is off.

However - he somehow struggles to understand your feelings. Like. At all.

When he asks you what’s wrong and you tell him that there is not a reason for your feelings, you just feel a bit depressed that’s all, he will not get it.

How do you feel a certain emotions without something causing it? There must be a reason for it.

And honestly he’s right there is always a reason for a certain feeling to arise, but sometimes they aren’t easy to understand for yourself or to spot, sometimes it’s just that your inner child needs a hug and it takes you three weeks and a metal breakdown to understand that this is all you needed… plus a good cry

He’s gonna be so awkward at trying to comfort you, making you feel better, at first. Trying everything out to cheer you up, he really doesn’t want you to feel bad. Asks around for advice what helps others when they are sad.

Honestly? The things he does, the small presents he gifts you - they are nice and make you feel loved, but it doesn’t make the bad feelings go away. Even worse it somehow builts up this immense pressure for you to get better quick because look! Albedo does nice things, he tries to help. He tries to figure it out. Why can’t you give him the results he hopes to get???

Only when someone (Timadeus for sure) finally tells Albedo that it’s not a special dish or flower or even place that helps with sad feelings - it’s that they remind them of something that’s comforting. Klee told him Dodoco helps when she’s sad, because Dodoco reminds her how much her mum loves her. So when people told him about certain foods or flowers - it was more because those were valuable for those individuals, doesn’t mean it has value to you. Most importantly is that he’s just there for you.

With that new bits of information he will try to adjust to your needs more, to learn what you need and to understand it.

He will be so upfront about it too, coming into your room and telling you that he’s been trying to make you feel better the past couple of weeks and noticing how your mood has not improved at all. Finally asks you what you need opposed to him only having asked why you feel that way

Will definitely make you cry with how he approaches the topic. When he apologises for making you cry you cry even harder at how soft he says it.

Albedo will remember what he was told, that it’s important to just be there for someone, so he will stay at your side, his hand on your back rubbing it while you are just sobbing.

After the tears have calmed down you can just be honest with him, tell him that you sometimes don’t know yourself what will make it better, that sometimes you just have to life with the feelings and accept them - but that his attempts really didn’t help.

He will apologise for putting more pressure on you, asking if you need a hug (something a lot of people have told him helps them but he was just to shy to actually try it out). After saying yes you both stay for a long time in the hug, the first thing in a long time to make you feel better.

Yoimiya:

My love, the light of my life, my future main - she would be SO good at helping you through an episode.

Notices the way you act towards her changes and immediately confronts you about it, afraid that something in the relationship is amiss until you tell her the truth that you are a bit depressed.

Canonically the one with the best communication skills, if you were to put her, Diluc and Kaeya in a room I’m 1000% sure those two would leave it as brothers again.

That said she can sometimes be a bit too overwhelming - she can talk a lot, but she’s a good listener too, but in her attempt to fix the issue she goes a bit overboard.

She’ll want you to talk it all out which isn’t a bad thing per se, but sometimes you just don’t feel like talking or that talking would help.

However the way Yoimiya is it will make you communicate with her more about how you feel and what you need - she kinda just seems to be more approachable and the kind of person you can pour my heart out to after meeting her on the toilets of a bar.

Will cuddle you as long as you need.

And honestly? 100% sure she would even make you a firework to cheer you up that you both watch from her favourite spot on a blanket while doing so (the cuddling!)

or you know maybe it’s just what I would really want to do with her when I’m depressed aka RIGHT NOW MAN

[btsandvmin]

BTSandVMIN update: On “Spring Day analysis”, making videos and creating a Patreon

There are a few things I would like to talk to you all about, and things I have been thinking about for a while. I thought it was time to give you all a bit of an update on the things I am doing, want to do and how I might have to do them.

Ok, so first of all, as you know I have been working on the Spring Day analysis for quite some time now. In fact I have been working on it for so long it has long since stopped being just about Spring Day. Rather than being about Spring Day and Vmin it has become a collection post where I go through many similarities in Vmin’s (in particular Taehyung’s) songs and discuss themes and topics with Spring Day simply as the main foundation of inspiration.

The text kept getting longer and currently it is around 24 000 words long + images (130+ pages in google docs). I honestly don’t think Tumblr will be able to handle it. I have been thinking about what to do with longer posts for a while, especially after the Vmin analysis - 4 o’clock which didn’t show up in the tag, loaded very slowly, took a long time to re-make in tumblr format and also didn’t get that many notes. You all know I have struggled and complained about longer posts here on tumblr many times. Thus I have wondered what to do if I want to keep making them in a way that works. In particular even longer pieces like this “Spring Day analysis” or my even longer “Big Vmin analysis”, which might be very difficult to make here on tumblr in a way that you can all read properly. (Several of you have even told me about your app crashing when trying to read some of my posts and honestly Tumblr just isn’t made for very longs posts with many images.)

After looking into it a bit I decided to make a Patreon just to try, and I could literally copypaste the whole post with images and all in just a few seconds. (WHY IS IT SO HARD TUMBLR?)

Another reason I finally decided to make a Patreon is so that I could create a small community space for me and you; a discord. Through Patreon you get access and I can talk to you guys more freely, and you can also simply use the discord as your own place to enjoy and discuss BTS and Vmin with other Vminies that join my Patreon. I thought this seemed like a fun idea since I can’t properly talk to you all in more conversational ways here (even less so since this is a side-blog), and by having it through Patreon it also limits the discussions from possible toxic outsiders. Basically a safe space away from the haters and antis.

There were also the reactions I got after making my first Vmin video. I talked about that a lot, in many posts:

A personal dilemma What kind of power to influence shippers into becoming delusional do I really have? I don’t know what to do… Making videos…

The concerns I got about me making Vmin videos made me question what to do, and if I should stop making analysis all together if people really worried about what it might lead to. I want to do more good than bad, for the community and for BTS. I am hoping having this space and the discord might make it feel easier for me to keep doing this more comfortably.

I also got some really really sweet messages from so many of you that honestly warmed my heart so much. I mean, there is little I can say to truly let you know what those messages mean to me. Just as one example:

Thank you, to every single one of you for not only sending me love but also understanding and respecting my worries. It means more to me than you will ever know.  💜

The thing is that I don’t want to stop. I still very much enjoy writing and gushing about Vmin, and I also really kind of want to try making videos. So back when this all happened a few of you suggested Patreon, as a way to limit who sees my videos. And after thinking about it I decided to make one, for several reasons.

It might help me to have longer analysis. It keeps away unwanted attention and hate. I can moderate more and have better control. We can talk with each other more freely. I can post things I feel a bit unsure about sharing to the general audience. I could do videos without worrying too much. (And it might also help me with an extra income?)

Don’t get me wrong, I won’t stop posting things here for free, but I think I will post longer posts and perhaps more “analysing” types of videos if I ever get to that point on Patreon. Likely I will post shorter versions that Tumblr can handle, or divide posts into parts here, but keep longer versions intact on Patreon. So the idea is not to stop doing things here but rather to add some other things and extra stuff on Patreon (basically some bonus material, maybe some behind the scenes, sneak peaks and polls).

Right now my Patreon only has one tier “I purple you”, but if things go well the plan is to create a second tier if I ever decide to make videos more frequently and perhaps add some bonus material like Q&A videos where you can ask questions and I talk about them. (I am not sure yet, I don’t even know if videos is something that people will like.) 

I’ve set the price at 15 SEK, which is a bit less than 2 US dollars/month. I don’t know what I might do further ahead, but for now basically it will mostly be some bonus stuff, a way to read longer texts in full (because I will have to divide it into parts here on Tumblr) and a community platform (and of course also a way to support me).

I hope you will check it out and join me! I am especially excited about the discord and getting to talk to you all in a new more casual way!

https://www.patreon.com/btsandvmin

Right now I have the Spring Day analysis posted (I will post it here too, but I need to figure out how to divide it in parts in a good way.) and I also have 2 chapters of my Vmin fanfiction “The last color is our spring”. (Seriously, I suck at naming fics, it’s honestly one of the hardest parts.) Again, I do plan to post some updates, and basically “first edits” of posts or things I feel a bit unsure about talking about here (like more analytical videos), but for now mostly it’s a way to support me and join the discord so we can share our love for Vmin together. 💜

Also, even if you don’t join I will still appriciate you all and the love you give me here. Seriously, this is mostly meant for you, and only if you want it and like it will there be any point to have it. I feel it is worth giving it a try. 

Become a Patron!

[bigfrozenfan-fanfics]

Chapter 10 - Skalastet

Links: Chapter overview, Character list, Map, Glossar Rating: M over all Publishing cycle: each Friday at 6:00 pm CEST dst/UTC +2:00 on (link)

Remarks: all my chapters contain carefully selected music tracks. It’s your own decision if you want to use them or not while reading. The purpose is to musically support the respective mood of the plot. If you can please use a browser for reading (not the Tumblr app) due to the text formatting and music.

Ryder stood there with arms crossed, leaning against a kota and watched their friends from Arendelle talking to Elsa. The wrong moment to disturb Kristoff for a serious talk; he thought. But maybe that was just as well. He pondered and weighed his options, but he just couldn't decide what to do.

He was constantly thinking about what he had learned at the Norting, and he was now very worried about all of them, but especially about Kristoff and his great love, Anna. If this son of Gyda, what did Yelana call him ... ah yes, Kolgrimr, was capable of all these things then ...; Ryder could not and didn't want to imagine what could happen then. His father had patted him on the shoulder and congratulated him on his first Norting in adulthood and that he was proud of him. But he almost wished now that he hadn't known about any of this. What was he going to do? Should he just ignore Yelana's warning and warn Kristoff and the others anyway, or wait and see? What if they stayed here in the camp a little longer? They would perhaps unknowingly find themselves in great danger. Would they even believe this story and warning?

Behind him he heard soft footsteps rustling in the grass and turned around. In front of him stood his sister with her battlestick in her hand.

“Fancy a little Skalastet?” Honeymaren asked cheerfully and grinned broadly, “You need some practice“. But her grin quickly evaporated when she noticed his depressed mood. She came closer and put one hand on Ryder's shoulder. “What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost.”

“Me? No, there's no ... everything's fine. But stick fighting? Now?” Ryder warped the corners of his mouth.

Of course, it had been a long time since they competed, Ryder knew that and he also realized his sister was right about it. Since the forest had been liberated there was no reason to defend their home against soldiers from Arendelle, they had already returned to their home. But he could still remember too well the bruises Honeymaren's battlestaff had inflicted on him often. She was just one of the best fighters among them, fast and agile. Most of the time he had no chance against her, even though he wasn't so bad himself as he thought. Honeymaren nudged him in the side with the end of the stick and grinned mischievously.

“Oh come on, do we have to do this?” he asked.

“It keeps us fit,” she replied, grinning a little wider. It had been too long since she had shown him which of them had the say in the duel. But of all of them he was still one of the best training partners, she had to admit. She took two steps back, whirled her stick over her head and looked at him challengingly. “Go on, get your staff.”

And Ryder sighed, “All right. But let's not overdo it like we did last time.” He walked the few steps to their kota and grabbed his long polished birch stick.

They walked a little way until the trees were a little closer together and started to tactilely stalk each other. “Come on Ryder, try to hit me!” She took her staff in her left hand, turned it casually around her wrist, and then went into a defensive stance.

Ryder dared a lunge and tried to hit her, but was too slow. His staff missed Honeymaren by far, she only had to take a step to the side and in one flowing movement effortlessly gave him a slap on his wrist. He cried out briefly in pain.

She laughed. “Come on. You can do better than that.” She bounced on the ball of her foot and made the stick spin around her waist.

Ryder looked at her grimly. “Whatever you say.”

Then he grabbed his battlestaff in the middle and struck with the ends of the sticks in quick succession, alternately, sometimes above, sometimes below. And each time, she parried his strokes, but moved further back. They danced around each other and the sequence of strikes accelerated. Sometimes he struck, sometimes she did. They jumped and ducked to avoid the opponent's strokes. Of course, both of them took light hits every now and then, that could not be avoided, but that was the purpose of the exercise, to be faster and more accurate.

The forest echoed back from the clacking sounds when their sticks met. They circled each other while searching for a gap in the other's defense, skillfully avoiding the surrounding trees. It was a constant back and forth, neither of them slowed down noticeably.

“Slowly I'm getting the hang of it again,” Ryder pressed out at some point, coughing but triumphant.

Meanwhile a few Northuldra, attracted by the sounds of the fight, had gathered nearby and watched their dance from a proper distance. Most of them cheered on Honeymaren, but there were also some voices shouting the same to Ryder.

Honeymaren slowly but surely gained the upper hand and pushed her brother back. In a desperate stroke, he raised his stick and swung it against her shoulder. But his sister was able to duck in time and in the same movement pushed her battlestick with force against his stomach area. However, he pulled his belly in just in time and made a leap backwards, directly between two trees standing relatively close together.

Honeymaren had intended exactly that, and with quick short strokes drove him back even a little further behind the two birches and then jumped forward. But not directly towards him, instead to the trunk of one of the two trees. She pushed off there, repeated it on the other tree trunk and in this way was six feet high in no time. Only now she jumped directly towards Ryder, the battlestick raised high above her head. This was a dangerous situation for any opponent.

Ryder followed her movements with his eyes and showed himself surprised. But in reality he had foreseen her move, timed the right moment and then whirled his staff around behind his back. He took advantage of the momentum, let it slide through in his palm on the other side, held the end in time and pushed the staff upwards. He hit Honeymaren at the thigh with force, causing her to groan in pain, and therefore took her out of her balance. Her intended strike missed its target and she hit the ground behind him and rolled to the side. Ryder, standing with his back to her, laughed out loud and raised his battlestick with both hands triumphantly over his head.

He was about to turn to her with a grin when a forceful strike against his feet took him off his legs and he crashed hard to the ground. His staff slipped out of his hands and rolled towards Honeymaren. She cleverly caught it with her tip of her foot and delivered it into her free hand with momentum. Ryder stared at her speechlessly.

“Well, little brother, you'd better watch your guard,” Honeymaren said, grinning but out of breath, and with these words held the ends of both sticks to his throat.

In the background, loud howling and the clapping of their audience could be heard. She finally took both sticks in one hand and with the other grabbed his arm to help him up on his feet.

Ryder rumbled softly, “Next time it will be different, for sure.”

They reached out conciliatory hands to eachother, but Honeymaren didn't let it be taken on whispering in his ear, “Dream on, little brother ...” when she pulled him to her.

One moment later, they both had to laugh loudly about it and walked exhausted and satisfied between the still clapping Northuldra. Some patted Ryder on the shoulder and one even gave him the compliment that he was getting better and better and it had been a great fight.

~~~

Arriving at the camp, they first laid back their battlestaves, then Honeymaren looked at him with a serious expression while she rubbed her thigh where he had hit her. “You can't hide anything from me, Ryder, you know that. I know you too well for this. There's something important on your mind today. Please tell me.”

Ryder put his head back and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he looked at her with a forceful look. “All right, but you have to promise me it's just gonna be between us, okay?” His sister pulled her eyebrows together and then nodded.

“I promise. So ... shoot. I suppose it has something to do with the disappearance of the men this morning, doesn't it?”

“How do you know?” Ryder asked and looked at her in amazement.

Honeymaren tilted her head and looked at him reproachfully. “I'm not naive. I overslept today and father woke me very late. If he had been in the camp, he would not have hesitated so long, as angry as he was at me. So what happened?”

Ryder sighed and nodded. “Yes, you're right. There's been a meeting, a Norting. My first, as you can imagine. Yelana called it out and told us something I can't handle.”

“So that's it, a Norting.” She lowered her eyes and had a bad premonition. She felt her stomach begin to contract and said in a low voice, “Tell me.”

“Not here. Let's go somewhere quiet and unobserved.”

“Let's go into our kota,” Honeymaren suggested. He nodded and as they sat inside, Ryder told her in a low voice everything he now knew. Honeymaren listened very attentively and her face became visibly gloomier.

~~~

“Hello, Kristoff. Do you know where Elsa is? I was going to check on her, but she's not in her kota and I haven't seen her anywhere else,” Myrtha asked, who just stepped next to him. Kristoff looked up and rose. He now noticed another woman standing behind her.

“Hello, Myrtha. She's with Anna right now and hasn't been gone long.” He pointed in a direction where the four monoliths stood at the edge of the forest. “They were going to the waterfall to have an undisturbed private conversation. Sisterly conversations, I guess.”

His eyes fell on the small wicker basket she was holding in front of her. It was full of little birch wood boxes of various sizes, some of them open and filled with all kinds of pastes in greenish colours, next to them were various small bundles of herbs and a small mortar with a wooden pestle. The woman behind her carried a small bucket of water, and also some cloths and leather straps over her arm. He raised his eyebrows questioningly.

Myrtha noticed his looks and smiled at him. “Oh, that's not all for Elsa. I'm just making my morning rounds. There are always minor injuries and it is my job as healer to make sure everyone is comfortable. This is Ikka, my young assistant, by the way. I teach her everything.” Ikka gave Kristoff a shy nod. “Is everything all right with Elsa? What is your impression?” Myrtha then asked.

“Everything seems to be fine again, as far as I can tell. At least physically.”

“That's good. Some exercise will certainly do her some good. I'll come by again this evening, but I must be going now.” She nodded at Kristoff and left.

When Ikka passed Kristoff, she hesitated briefly and smiled shyly at him, but said nothing and then quickly scurried after the healer. Kristoff looked after them, thought for a moment and then shook his head before he sat down again.

“She likes you,” Olaf said after a few moments and smiled at him.

“Who?” asked Kristoff, who was already thinking about something completely different.

“Well, Ikka of course. Didn't you notice her looks when you talked to Myrtha?”

Kristoff laughed. “Yes, I noticed. But she's still young, and I'm obviously very attractive to her. She also doesn't know that I'm already engaged.”

“That's true,” Olaf confirmed, and fell into Kristoff's laughter.

“Which part of it do you mean? That I'm so attractive?”

Both snorted with laughter.

~~~

---

I hope you have enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment if you liked the story, I would be pleased to read your opinions, even criticisms. If you want to be tagged as soon I publish the next chapter please let me know.

Remarks: For the training scene with Honeymaren and Ryder my beta reader and I would have liked to have a fanart of HARU (@ xlayers), but since Ryder is not yet available as a model I took the liberty to make a small edit based on Jin Kim's concept art. It's just a pity that Ryder was apparently not intended to be handled with a fighting staff. 

Tagging: @karma26 @whether-near-to-me-or-far @annaofthenorthernlights @igotelsapregnanthelp

[candy-and-writing]

Not About Angels

Summary: while on a mission to take out a HYDRA base, the Avengers find someone they never expected to. She's scared, traumatized, and helping her seems almost hopeless. But two certain supersoldiers won't give up on her

Not About Angels by Birdy

Series Warnings (more to be added): PTSD, non-con, torture, rape, past rape, smut, Steve x Reader x Bucky, stucky x reader

Chapter Warnings: allusions to rape, allusions to and mentions of PTSD, allusions to and mention of torture, abuse, sex slavery, soft! Bucky, hurt reader, emotional abuse, fingering

This is for @crushedbyhyperbole 's 200 follower challenge! I picked the prompt "darker than the devil himself." The prompt is in bold

I am NOT responsible for your media content consumption. This work is not intended for those under the age of 18 due to explicit sexual content and/or dark themes. By reading this work you agree that you are at least 18 years of age. I do not consent to have my work posted on any third party app or website; if you are seeing this work anywhere other than tumblr and archiveofourown, it has been reposted without my permission.

You wake to the sound of an explosion. It rattles the solid concrete walls, causing the old metal bed frame you're laying on jostle. You can hear gunshots, people yelling in both Russian and English. You go to move off the bed, but are stopped by the chain around your wrist.

Shit.

The shouting gets louder and louder until a gun goes off in front of your room, the bullet breaking the lock off the door. The metal door is pushed open and a man marches in, gun in hand and a stern look on his face. You've seen him before, you realize, a long time ago. With his long dark hair and striking blue eyes. The soldier with the metal arm.

His shoulders relax as he lowers the gun, his gaze fixed on you as his eyes soften in confusion. You stay rooted on the bed, your knees drawn up and your hands at your sides.

"You aren't a soldier, are you," he says like he already knew the answer to the question. You shake your head carefully, your eyes wide as you watch him approach you. You're tempted to move back, but you don't. Something—against your better judgement—keeps you rooted in place. You watch him grip the chain connecting you to the bed and snap it, letting you free. "C'mon, we don't got a lot of time. You got a coat?"

You shake your head again and he sighs, grabbing the thin blanket off your bed and wrapping it around your shoulders. He takes your hand, pulling you out of the room.

There are bodies everywhere. Blood everywhere else. You step in it, your bare feet trailing sticky red footprints in your wake.

You had never been to this part of the base before, so close to the entrance. Your room was far below ground and you only left to take a shower. It was cold up here.

You stop at the threshold of the base, watching the man with the metal arm step out into the snow. He stopped when he realized you weren't following him.

"What's wrong?" You looked uncertainly down at your feet, then at the snow before you met his eyes. "Oh."

He started marching back towards you and your heart skipped a beat, knowing you had done something wrong. You took a quick step into the snow, the cold biting at your bare toes.

"Hey!" The soldier scooped you up into his arms. "You're not wearing any shoes, doll. You're gonna give yourself frostbite."

The soldier was warm, unnaturally so, in the cold weather and thick tactical gear. You hugged the blanket tighter over yourself, trying to make yourself smaller in the larger man's arms.

He carried you to a large jet and marched up the steps. You felt eyes on you once you entered the ship and you curled into the crook of the soldiers arm, attempting to hide yourself.

"Oh, look," a voice scoffed. "Barnes found a pet."

"Clint," a woman hissed.

"Buck, what's going on? Who is she?"

"I don't know," the soldier said. "I found her locked up in the lower part of the base. I think she—" he paused, looking down at you. "She's scared."

"Set her down," another man said.

You were shaking as the soldier carefully put you down on the ground. You took a quick look around the ship and saw that you were surrounded by people. A man in a metal suit stood out the most.

You clutched to the soldier's arm as he crouched down next to you, trying to hide yourself behind him.

"Where did you say she was?" a woman asked, her hair a fiery red.

"Behind a locked room in the lower part of the base," the soldier said, looking behind him at the woman. She watched you as you kept your eyes on the floor, not daring to look at them.

"The poor thing looks like she hasn't eaten in days," another woman noted, her accent thick.

You almost looked up at her, the soft tone of her voice surprising you. You don't remember the last time someone had spoken so softly to you like that.

"Her blood pressure is dangerously high," a man said, stepping closer to you. Your breath caught in your throat as he reached out for your arm. You knew the drill better by instinct than by actual will—don't move until you're told to, don't speak unless permitted, don't make eye contact unless they want you to.

A whimper escapes your lips as the strange man grabs your arm. "Soldat," the broken cry slips passed your lips before you could stop it.

That caught the soldier's attention. He held his flesh hand out, his brows furrowed, stopping the man. The man let go of your arm, stepping away from you as he apologized. "Do you know me?"

He stood in front of you, trying to coax you to look at him. You refused, locking your gaze on your bare feet.

"It's okay," the soldier said gently. "We're not gonna hurt ya, okay? You're safe, I promise. I just need you to talk to me."

"Я не разрешаено," you muttered, voice barely above a whisper.

"What'd she say?" someone asked.

"She said she's not allowed," the redhead translated.

"You're allowed," Bucky assured you, "I promise you. You can talk to us, we won't hurt you."

You swallowed thickly, your hands shaking as you clenched them tightly into fists. They didn't like it when you were scared.

'Don't talk to him,' a voice in your head rang.

'He won't hurt you, he hadn't before,' another reasoned.

"Do you know English?" You nodded. "Can you speak in English? So the others can understand you?"

"They told me not to," you rasped. Your accent was think, you wondered if they could even understand you.

"Who?" the woman asked. Her arms were crossed, as though she were disappointed.

'You said the wrong thing. She's mad at you.'

You shrunk in on yourself, hugging yourself as you stared at a line in the flooring.

"Hey, don't close up, doll," the soldier said. "Talk to us. What's the matter?"

You stole a quick glance at him before answering. "Она рассердилась на меня."

"Who? Natasha?" He looked over his shoulder at the redhead before looking back at you. You nodded.

"I'm not angry with you," the redhead—Natasha—said, stepping closer to you. "I'm just. . . trying to figure you out."

You frowned, swallowing a shuddering breath. "You are Natasha Romanova, the Black Widow?"

"You know me?"

You shrugged. "The men talk about you. You are the Avengers?"

The soldier nodded. "We are."

"What men?" Natasha asked.

"T-The men that came into my room. Sometimes, if there were more than one of them, they would discuss things. Their work."

"Do you know who they are?" the man with a shield asked. You swallowed thickly, nodding.

"One of the men was on the floor." You dared to look at the soldier. "You killed him. . . didn't you."

"What's your name, doll?" the soldier asked you, changing the subject. Though the guilt in his eyes gave you the answer you needed to know.

You frowned at that, unsure. No one had called you by name in. . . since HYDRA had taken you. What was your name?

It was on the tip of your tongue, so close yet so far away.

You were hesitant when you told him, still so unsure.

He repeated your name, like he was testing the way it felt on his tongue. "That's a pretty name. I'm Bucky."

Bucky. That's a funny name.

Your eyelids started to feel heavy. You blinked furiously, trying to fight the sleepy feeling taking over.

"We should let her rest," Natasha said. You nodded, hugging the blanket tighter to your body as you laid on the floor, curling your knees to your chest. You jolted when you felt fingers brush against your wrist.

"Relax, doll," Bucky said, "I'm just gonna look."

You let him take your wrist in his hand. His fingers gently brushed over dark purple bruises that encircled your wrist. You winced, trying to pull away from him.

"It's okay, doll, it's okay. I'm gonna put some salve on it and it'll help it heal, okay?"

You nodded, watched him as he squeezed a little dollop of gel on his fingertips, rubbing it into your skin. It was cold, freezing your skin so much you shivered.

"How long were you tied up like that?" Bucky asked.

You shrugged simply, not actually knowing the answer. It could've been a few hours, or it could've been days. You never could tell.

You let yourself relax. You closed your eyes, exhaustion crashing over you and it wasn't long until sleep took over.

--

You had been prepped beforehand. Given a cold shower and a brush run through your hair. The simple cotton nightgown was thin and barely reached the middle of your thigh. The artificial slick the man had spread in between your legs was cold, as it always was. You think you would get used to it by now. You sat obediently on the edge of the bed, hands folded in your lap.

When the door opened, you perked up, but didn't dare look. You heard footsteps, then the door closed.

"Your reward, Soldat," a man spoke, his English almost foreign to your ears.

A reward. . . . Is that what you were? You didn't feel like much of anything.

The handler left, leaving you and the soldier alone. He stalked toward you; you kept your eyes downcast as he stood in front of you, thumb and forefinger cupping your jaw with a surprising amount of gentleness.

"Посмотрите на меня," he said. Look at me. You obeyed, your eyes meeting his carefully. He was large, his shoulders wide as he stared you down, his features expressionless—all but his eyes. His eyes were dark. Demented.

Haunted.

"Улечься," he instructed. Lie down.

Your back hit the mattress before you finished contemplating his words. You bent your knees together at an angle, hands resting at either side of your head. You watched him, not daring to blink.

His flesh fingers grazed up your legs, pulling your knees apart. The chill of the air brushed against your bare center, a shiver dancing down your spine.

The soldier's gaze darkened in the shadows of your quarters. In the shadows, his eyes seemed darker than the devil himself. He hiked your gown up past your hips, his flesh fingers delicate as he inserted two fingers into your cunt. He spread the slick around your lips, glancing up at you when you let out a whimper.

He seemed to hesitate when his hand reached for his belt. He saw the fear in your eyes, the way your hands shook. He blinked—once, twice—like he woke from a trance.

"Вы боитесь," he muttered. You are afraid. What could you say to that? The men never liked it when you were afraid.

When you didn't respond, guilt seeped into his eyes.

"Вы боитесь меня." You're afraid of me.

You shook your head. "Нет, Солдат." No, Soldat.

He got up then, crawling off the bed. You sat up, worry alive in your veins. You had to fix this. If he left without having you—oh, God, you could only imagine what would happen to you.

"Подождать—" You tried to get up, to reach out to him, but he stopped you with a hand on your shoulder. Wait—

"Спать," he said. Sleep. You frowned. You didn't want to sleep, you wanted to do your duty.

"Вы не хотите. . . ?" your timid voice was barely above a whisper. Doesn't he want—?

"Спать," he repeated.

You gave up, laying back down as the soldier pulled the blanket up to your chest. You let out a sigh, closing your eyes as the soldier sat at your feet, his shoulders rigid. You turned on your side, letting yourself relax in the soldier's presence.

"Спать. Я не буду вам больно." I will not  hurt you.

His presence was eerily calming. You were able to fall asleep quickly despite the anxiety biting at your nerves. When you awoke, the soldier was gone.