#this one is very special 2 me i hope those who watch enjoy mwah.

[wutaijiemei]

後世人再會......

[celestialrry]

nerves

4.8k

HELLLLO IM WRITING THIS INTRO AND POSTING THIS WHILE FALLING ASLEEP SO ILL POST ALL THE DETAILS ADN ADD THIS TO MU MASTERLIST LATER I LOVE TOU ALL THANK YOU FOR FOLOWING AND REBLOGGIN KISSES FOT YOU ALL (this is like right after release of hs1 harry I think hope you enjoy mwah)

summary: Actress!Y/N goes onto a talk show, and the host has a surprise for her.

warnings: cursing, kinda sorta an anxiety attack?

Y/N was nervous.

This would only be the 5th talk show she’s ever gone on alone after being in the spotlight for a few years when her acting career took off. She started off with indie films and soon made her way to the red carpet, working with esteemed actors and actress’s she could only ever dream of meeting. It was pure bliss.

Of course, fame came with other struggles like hate from the media and random people on twitter, but at the end of the day she was so grateful she had the opportunity to be in the business. She loved getting into a character, finding out what makes them click, and fully emerging herself in whatever film she’s in. At the moment, she was promoting her new film, and being the lead, she had gone on a few talk show’s by herself, but they never failed to make her sick to her stomach. Having no one to turn to when it gets awkward, even not having body heat by her side in front of a live audience and a professional host made her body rack with goosebumps.

“Miss L/N?” 

Her head turned towards the door of the dressing room she had been sitting in for 15 minutes alone, trying to get her nerves down. “Yes?’ She responded flashing a forced smile to the assistant standing in the door way. “They’re ready for you.” She nodded her head and stood up, brushing the non-existent dust off her long dress and tumbled a bit on her heels to follow the assistant that was already walking towards the side stage. 

They instructed her to wait until her name was called, then walk onto stage and take a seat and have the show progress. So Y/N stood there, biting her bottom lip that was coated with clear gloss and her arms crossed around her waist, her heel covered toe tapping the floor in anticipation. 

“Now welcome our very special, and gorgeous guest, Y/N L/N!” She heard Jimmy Kimmel announce and took a short breath before stepping through the automatically opening curtains. She smiled and waved at the people sitting in the audience, happy to see people supporting her, and greeted Jimmy before taking a seat on the loveseat closest to his desk.

“Y/N! Welcome, how are you feeling tonight?” He flashed a comforting smile at her. 

She chuckled a bit due to her inability to not laugh in uncomfortable situations. “I’ll be honest with you Jimmy,” She said, adjusting herself in the seat. “M’ pretty nervous.”

“Nervous?” He asked. “Now, why would 2 time Emmy Nominee Miss Y/N L/N be nervous?” Jimmy teased.

Her eyes fell to the floor and her cheeks heated up before looking back at him. “Because,” She dragged out. “It’s always nerve-racking being on live TV.”

He just nodded and made a joke about feeling the same even though he does this every week.

“How are you feeling tonight?” She asked.

He smiled before resting his arms on his desk. “I’m feeling good, I have a surprise for you later, but I’m supposed to ask the questions now, will you let me?”

“Of course I will.” She smiled back.

Y/N met Jimmy the first year she really became “famous” and he had always been her favorite late-night talk show host just because he was never invasive or creepy. Her standards for hosts were quite low at this point. They continued on, promoting her new movie and such before he settled back in his seat. 

“So.” He said.

“So.” She said back, raising a brow.

“I hate to ask you this, but I honestly am curious myself,” He began, and her anxiety creeped up just a bit. “Now, we dug through your old interviews, and it seems in every single one, when asked if you had a celebrity crush, your answer was Harry Styles?”

She simply nodded, her cheeks heating up again, and a small smile creeping onto her face at his name. 

“I see that smile, Y/N.” Jimmy said, and she let out a laugh, her smile now wide.

“So, do you mind telling us why you like him so much, or should I say love him so much?” His brow raised.

Y/N laughed a bit more, just at her nerves, and took a breath. “Um, he’s always been such an inspiration for me to actually chase my career, I mean I knew him from when he was on X-Factor to be honest. Binged that show all the time when I was in middle school and to see a boy just 2 years older than me just go straight into being in one of the biggest boy-bands in the world was insane. He’s just so passionate about what he does and I admire him for that. Uh- from what I can tell he’s just very charming, sweet, funny, caring, and…” She trailed off her rant, biting her bottom lip just a tad.

“And?”

“He’s incredibly attractive.” She finished a smile on her face as she glanced at the floor again.

“Understandable. I think he’s a good looking man myself, met him a few times and got flustered,” Jimmy jokes before looking at Y/N. “What if I told you he was the surprise I had for you?”

Her brows furrow as she looks at the man sitting across from her. “What? Do you mean like a video-” She feels a tap on her shoulder. 

Y/N turns around, still massively confused, and then she sees him.

Harry standing in a simple black suit and white button up, only a few of the buttons actually buttoned and her jaw drops. “Hello.” He says, smiling at her.

Her eyes are wide and she looks like a dear in headlights before her face falls into her hands, elbows resting on her knees, her breath erratic. “No, this isn’t- no. He’s not here.” She says into her hands and the crowd laughs. Everyone laughs. 

“M’a bit offended you think I’m not really here, love.” Harry grins, and she pulls her face out of her shaking hands to see him.

She opens her mouth to say something and nothing comes out. 

Harry Styles, her celebrity crush since the ripe age of 14, a crush thats lasted 8 years being 22 now, and she’s only seen him on screens her entire life. “Fuck.” Was all she can say. He laughs a bit at her starstruck appearance and turns to Jimmy. “She’s not normally like this, right?”

“Right.” The host jokes, looking back at the girl on the couch, and his smile diminishes a bit. Her eyes are watering and she’s trying to keep her composure but her bottom lip is trembling and Jimmy’s now worried he’s about to have a sobbing woman on live TV.

“You okay Y/N?” Jimmy asks and her head quickly turns to him and then back to Harry. “I-fuck, I’m sorry.” She tries to laugh it off. Tries not to think about how the man she’s loved even before she knew what love truly was, was standing in front of her right now. 

“Don’t be sorry.” Harry says, slightly frowning but trying to keep a happy face. He’s standing in front of a girl he’s adored ever since he watched her first movie, for Christs sake, and she’s silently about to break down in front of him, because of him. 

Before he can even properly introduce himself, she’s standing on her heels, wobbling a bit, and looking up at him. “Can I hug you?” She mouths, not wanting her question to be picked up on the mic on the back of her dress and before her mouth even closes he’s stepping towards her, big arms wrapping around her waist. Her arms find their way around his chest and her head is resting on his shoulder and her eyes are squeezed shut and she’s mouthing “Oh my fucking god. Oh my god.” Without realizing she’s facing the audience who laugh at her inability to not fangirl. His head dips as he hugs her, reveling in her touch, and then she’s pulling away, remembering they’re on live TV and she can give him a proper hug backstage after this is over when they don’t have to worry about appearances. 

She’s still reeling when his hands slide off her waist and he sticks his hand out and says “It’s so nice to meet you.” She takes his calloused hand in hers and says “Same to you.” Blinking away unshed tears.

“Shall we sit then?” He asks and she looks at Jimmy admiring the moment before back at Harry. “You’re staying?” She blurts out before shutting her mouth abruptly. 

“If you want me too.” He grins that grin she’s always been infatuated by and she nods, maybe too quickly. “Of course I do- yes,” She coughs. “Yeah, uh, please, let’s.”

They both plant themselves on the loveseat, Y/N taking the spot in which she was before and Harry sitting on the other end, keeping a distance between the two. She recomposes herself and sits up. Harry looks at her for a moment before looking back at Jimmy. 

“How are y’Jimmy?” He asks.

“I’m doing well, proud of myself for inviting you, you’re the one person I’ve seen make Y/N go absolutely speechless here,” Jimmy jokes and Y/N groans and smiles, leaning her top half on the arm of the chair, her face in her hands before sitting back up. “How about you, Harry?”

“M’doing well, was very excited to see Y/N here and I’d hopefully say it’s the same for her.” He smiles looking at her, dimples flashing.

“Yeah!” Her voice squeaks. “You’re right. It’s the same for me. I-” She cut’s herself off from saying she’s shitting her pants at the moment. Figuratively, of course, but it’s not very appropriate. She still can’t believe this. Twitter is going to have a field day talking about how flustered Y/N was at this moment.  

“Have something you want to say, Y/N? To Harry, more specifically?” Jimmy asks.

“Um,” She begins, locking eyes with Harry. “Did you hear, what I said, um, before you walked out here?” 

The green eyed man nods. 

Her hands start shaking again and she awkwardly laughs. “I’m sorry you heard that.” She apologizes. 

“Why are you apologizing?” Harry asks her, tilting his head and Y/N was going to pass out. “I’m glad you think all those things about me, plus, it’s a nice ego booster to hear that you think I’m ‘incredibly attractive’.” He chuckles a bit, but truthfully he was happy his celebrity crush feels the same way about him.

She just laughs back and mumbles a “Thanks.” Before Jimmy starts up a conversation about whatever was going on at the moment.

Jimmy and Harry start talking about something and Y/N nods her head and laughs when it’s appropriate but she couldn’t process anything. Her hands were interlocked, shaking in her lap, and all she could feel was Harry. Harry sitting next to her, Harry breathing next to her, Harry waving his hands around while he spoke in front of her. It was all too much. 

Suddenly his knee lightly knocked against her own. She abruptly turned to look at him, but he was still looking at Jimmy. So she assumed it was a mistake, until it happened again, and this time when her eyes looked to him, his met her’s and he gently and subtly moved closer to their thighs were touching. Y/N let the leg that was crossed over her other relax and fall to the couch, only her ankles crossed, and she swore she could hear his breath stop for a moment, but it was too quiet to be sure.

A few moments after they both had gained the courage to barely revel in each others touch, Jimmy was ending the show. Y/N doesn’t remember what she said or did before the camera cut off, she vaguely remembers waving to the audience but she’s not completely sure. 

And then it’s over- just like that.

“This was so fun Jimmy, thank you for inviting me on.” Harry said, standing up (reluctantly) and going to give Jimmy a hug. Y/N on the other hand was watching the interaction and it all hit her like a wave again. Harry fucking Styles was standing in front of her. The men both turn to her as she stands up and she gives a weak smile and mumbles “I forgot I needed to text my assistant, m’sorry I’ll be back.” before speed walking behind the curtain and booking it to her dressing room. She quickly flips the “Do Not Disturb” side of the sign on the door to show and closes the door behind her, her breathing accelerating. 

She barely makes it to the couch before bursting out in tears.

Y/N couldn’t really put a finger on whether or not they were tears of joy, sadness, embarrassment, or a combination of all 3. She’s pretty sure it’s the latter though. She slips her heels off and lies on the couch, her hands over her face with not so silent cries as she tries to calm herself. 

Meanwhile, both Harry and Jimmy sensed that Y/N wasn’t just going to text her assistant. “Do you think- do you think I said something maybe?” Harry quietly asks the late night host as they walk behind the curtain and into a quieter hallway backstage. Jimmy simply shakes his head before locking eyes with Harry. “Have you seen any of the videos where she talks about you, Harry?”

He shakes his head no and the older man pulls out his phone, doing a quick scroll of his email before finding video file and opening it. “A couple of interns here made this combination of all the times she talked about you in her interviews.”We were gonna play it as you were coming out but her manager said it would be too embarrassing.” Was the only preface Jimmy gave before clicking play.

Y/N stood in an elegant emerald colored gown just off the red carpet, all done up for her first big movie premiere. An interviewer stands in front of her, holding a mic that the woman was moving between herself and Y/N. “So Miss L/N, we need some juicy secrets from the “It-Girl” herself. Who’s your celebrity crush?” Y/N looks at the floor, a shy smile on her face as the quietly says “Harry Styles.” The interviewer’s eyes widen and she chuckles a bit. “I feel you honey, what do you like most about him?” Y/N purses her lips slightly before speaking again. “Um, everything? I think he has a really good heart.” The interviewer makes a joke about how she likes his eyes instead and Y/N laughs, but anyone could tell it was forced. 

The screen begins to play another clip. 

Y/N is sitting on a couch with her co-stars of a movie she did a year ago, dressed in a classy blush colored suit, and they’re all playing a game with some other talk show host. “Let’s see who knows Y/N the best now, shall we?” The host asks, and looks down at the cards in his hand. “Who is her celebrity crush?” And almost immediately all of her friends were jotting down their answers on a white board. “That was fast,” The host laughs, as does everyone else. “Okay everyone, flip it around.” ‘Harry Styles’ was written on every single board. “Oh my god.” She smiles wide out of embarrassment and puts her face in her hands. 

It reminds Harry of what she did when she first saw him.

“Y/N! Looks like you’re absolutely smitten with Harry Styles, aren’t you?” The host asks, and before she could even open her mouth, a co-star of hers was already speaking. “She’d play his songs in her trailer in the morning, full volume, and sing them as loud as she could. It was a good way to wake us all up.” He jokes, and everyone laughs at that. “Whenever he’d post a photo on instagram, or tweet something, I’d see tears in her eyes.” Another co-star speaks up. The audience laughs again and she looks to them. ‘I’m serious! Y/N absolutely adores him.” By this time Y/N’s face was out of her hands and she was sinking into the couch. “Are you embarrassed, Y/N/?” The host jokes “Of course not, well I didn’t want to get absolutely exposed, but I’m not embarrassed to be a fan, could never be embarrassed to be a fan of him, he’s… he’s amazing.”

The phone then fades into yet another clip.

This time, Y/N is sitting in a stool, doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview, and she tears off the second paper of the question, “Is Y/N L/N…” . “Is Y/N L/N,” she reads and the paper catches after the word “dating” is revealed. She looks up at the screen, a twinkle in her eyes as she shoots a close-mouthed smile at the camera. She turns back to the board and rips the paper off, struggling a bit and laughing, until it’s revealed. “Is Y/n L/N dating… Harry Styles”  She bursts out laughing, her free hand clutching her stomach.

Harry frowns a but at this, and he didn’t feel like thinking more about why.

 “Um,” She begins, “Sorry, I just- do I really talk about him, that much? S’a bit concerning.” She mumbles to herself. “Yeah, no, I’m not dating Harry Styles, he would never. Though, I like how people think it could be a possibility, thats quite funny. I’ll take the… hidden compliment, is that even the right phrase?”

The screen goes to another clip but Jimmy pauses it there and turns off his phone, turning to Harry. “You didn’t do anything Harry, it’s just you being here, she’s probably overwhelmed and-“

“Mr. Kimmel? Jones needs you.” Someone calls out to him down the hall and Jimmy slips his phone in this pocket and sighs. “Sorry, gotta handle this, thank you, for coming.”

“It’s okay,” Harry assures him, “Thanks for having me.” And at that Jimmy rushes down the hall in search of Jones, and Harry stands in the same spot

Harry knows how much he means to his fans, he’s seen them sob at concerts, break down at meet and greets, and when they tell him how much they love him when they run into him on the street. He knows this. But this felt different, for some reason. Maybe it was the burning feeling in his chest when she laughed off how he would never be with her, for what particular reason he has no clue (or just doesn’t want to address it), or how he couldn’t help but pop a dimple when he heard she loves his music. He wasn’t sure.

What he was sure of though, is that he needed to speak to her again, hug her for longer, actually get to know Y/N. So he walked into the main back room, walking down different halls until he came across the one that read “Dressing Room #4” and Y/N’s name scribbled in messy handwriting on the white board underneath. He knocked a little rhythm, and waited.

Y/N was still crying, to put it lightly. Maybe hyperventilating was the right word, because she was breathing quite fast, and there was a steady stream of tears flowing down her cheeks. She heard the knocks and attempted to calm herself down a bit, yelling out a “One second!” Before wiping under her eyes and walking to open the door. “Eliana,” She began, ready to wave her assistant way (not that she didn’t adore her, but Y/N needed to be alone before talking about everything), “Can you come back in like 15 minutes, I’m sorry I just need to-”

Her mouth closed when she saw Harry outside of her door, his small smile quickly fading into a frown as he took in her state. “Y/N I wanted to- are you okay?” He asked, stepping a bit closer, trying not to push any boundaries. When she didn’t respond and he saw her bottom lip quiver a bit, his chest clenched. “Can I come in? Can we talk?” He gently asked, eyes running over her puffy eyes, tear stained cheeks, and disheveled appearance. 

She nodded and he walked in, and she gently shut the door behind him. He turned around to look at her and when his eyes met her’s, she couldn’t take it anymore. She let out a gut-wrenching sob and her face fell in her hands as she shook her head. “I-I’m so sorry, I’m sorry.” She choked out and he stepped towards her, his hand coming to rest on her elbow. “Y/N, please, don’t apologize.” And without thinking he took the last step towards her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her firmly, one of his hands cradling the back of her head. Her hands fell from her face and she held him back, arms wrapping tightly around his torso yet again.

As she cried into his chest, he mumbled a soft, “Breathe for me, love.”, and she tried to get her breathing to match his own deep breathes. “I’m sorry,” Y/N says for the millionth time. “I told you to stop apologizing, Y/N, you haven’t done anything wrong.” He frowns to himself, that burning feeling in his chest again. She reluctantly pulls away, and his hands remain on her arms as her own come up to wipe the tears flowing out of her eyes. 

“You didn’t sign up to be here and have to deal with a crying fan, Harry.” Y/N sighs, finally looking up at him. 

“Hey, I came because I wanted to see you, I’ve seen your movies and I think everything you’re absolutely incredible at what you do, and when Jimmy called asking if I could come to surprise you I jumped at the chance to finally meet you. I know what I signed up for.” He says, his thumbs rubbing the skin of her arms gently.

At his words she let out another sob, her shaking hands coming up to cover her face for a moment yet again. Harry’s eyes widened, he was telling the honest truth, and he didn’t think he said anything wrong. Y/N however, was seeing in person, how king he truly was, and it was just another reality check that the Harry she’s loved for so long really is the same in real life; it was too much to handle. “Thank you,” She sniffles, looking up at him again, meeting his piercing green eyes. “I just, I’ve adored you for years, still do, and I never thought I’d meet you, even after I started getting ‘known’, I always thought you were like, too perfect to be real, and now you’re here and you’re real, and y’know when you meet a celebrity who seems so sweet in interviews and all that but they turn out to be an absolute prick? It’s not like that, you’re the same person I’ve loved over a screen, I- you’ve been my inspiration for fucking years and I don’t know. It’s just a lot.” 

Now her hands were on his arms and they stood there for a moment, just looking at each other.

“M’not perfect, Y/N.” Harry says softly. Y/n chuckles a bit, glancing to the side before meeting his eyes yet again. “I know, I know the ‘nobody’s perfect’ crap, but if you’re insistent on it, then I think you’re the closest thing there is to perfect, Harry.”

His cheeks turn pink at her confession, and a small smile weaves its way onto his face. “Thank you,” He finally says, before bringing her into another hug, this time her arms wrapped around his neck, and he bends down a bit to hold her tighter. “For everything you said, seriously, you’ve got no idea how much it means t’me.” He admits, still reveling in her touch. She slowly pulls away, noting in her head that he never seems to be the one to let go first. “Of course, wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.” She smiles weakly, still drained from all the emotions flowing through her. He just smiles at that, before his hand drags down her arm and he hold her hand, wordlessly pulling her over to sit on the couch. 

He doesn’t let go of her hand as they sit quite close facing each other. “Do y’wanna hear a secret? It might make you feel better.” He suggests, cursing himself for being willing to do anything to see her smile fully. “I wish I could lie and say that it’s something I wouldn’t know, but I think I know a bit too much about you.” She says, letting out a small laugh, and he does too. “I promise you don’t know this.” He mumbles.

“Okay, go for it.” She says, holding his hand a bit tighter. 

“Well, after you bolted here, Jimmy showed me a few of your interviews, and I wanted to tell you that you’re my celebrity crush too.”

Her jaw drops and her eyes widen, a face that looks eerily similar to when she saw him for the first time just an hour prior. “You saw my interviews?” She gasps, her voice cracking at the embarrassment of him seeing her shamelessly confessing her love for him about a million times. It was safe to say she didn’t hear the rest of his confession.

“That’s what you’re focusing on here?” Harry laughs and raises a brow at Y/N.

“What else is there to focus on,” She groans, taking her hand out of his and burying her face into her hands yet again. “I can’t believe Jimmy showed you that, I’m never coming on this show again.” 

Harry grins, a dimple popping as he gently wraps his arms around her wrists, pulling her hands off her face. “Did y’hear what I said after that?” He asks softly, his eyes bring into her own. She shakes her head “no” in response and he takes a quick breath before telling her yet again. 

“I said, you’re my celebrity crush too. I’ve watched everything you’ve been in and I think y’are absolutely amazing, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t think you’re beautiful, inside and out.”

Y/N’s jaw drops for the thousandth time that night. 

 “You’re fucking with me.” She deadpans, her face blank and mind swimming with emotions.

He frowns and squeezes her hands. “M’not, swear to you.”

She shakes her head in denial. There’s no way she was Harry Style’s celebrity crush. Not in a million years would she ever think those words would be spoken, much less even thought of.

“You don’t believe me?” Harry asks, his head tilting a bit to the side.

“I believe tha you’re just too nice and you feel bad for me, so that’s why you’re telling me this.” Y/N admits to him, a sad smile on her face.

“Really?” He asks, letting go of her hands and bringing one of his own to his pocket. 

“Really. I appreciate it, I do, but you don’t have to try and make me feel less humiliated, I think we’ve already passed the point of no return.” Y/N says, laughing a bit.

“Mmm, okay,” He smirks. “Well that just won’t do. May I have your number?” 

She raises a brow as he pushes his phone into her hands, already pulled up on a new contact. She types in her number and “#1 fan” in the name and hand the phone back to him. Harry laughs when he sees the contact name and saves it to his phone, then putting it back in his pocket. 

“What was that?” 

“What was what?” Harry muses, a teasing glint in his eye.

She purses her lips. “Why did you just ask for my number?”

“So I can contact you of course,” Harry smiles. “How else am I supposed to set up another date with you?”

“Another?” Y/N questions, her lips turning up.

“’m a gentleman of course, would never ask you out on a first date over the phone,” Harry calmly explains. “So would you do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner tomorrow night?”

Y/n hesitates, unsure if this was still an ask out of pity. “You can meet me at my house, of course if you’re comfortable, and I’ll order us takeout to eat on my porch.” He continues, getting more exciting as he imagines how the date would go. 

“What makes you think I’d say yes?” She teases and his mouth gapes. 

“Oh fuck off.”

[cheegu3]

~ Yandere Hyunjin - X31 [CULT SPECIAL 2/2 PTS]

tw / trigger warning: yandere themes, cult themes (brainwashing etc), violence, blood/gore, murder, disturbing themes, swearing

wc: 3k

a/n: so I’m a bit tipsy and wrote this just like really quickly idek what’s going on or if this is shit lmao sorry, I will proofread this tomorrow mwah love u

summary: the gang from your hometown that you knew as criminals had now kidnapped you and as they take you to their destination you soon find out they’re actually a cult, will you be able to escape or will you become their pet forever?

‘‘ You’re..them ‘‘ you muttered at last somehow sounding disbelieved.

‘‘ You must’ve known right? At least a part of you knew all along ‘‘ he answered with a smirk.

‘‘ You must’ve known right? At least a part of you knew all along ‘‘ he answered with a smirk.

You huffed.

‘‘ If I knew, don’t you think I would’ve fought back harder than I did? ‘‘ you looked at him coldly.

‘‘ Well actually- ‘‘ he leaned in closer to you, so close that you could see your own reflection in his crazy, empty brown eyes.

‘‘ I think you wanted this ‘‘ he adds.

‘‘ W-what are you fucking crazy? ‘‘ you exclaimed hysterically, the panic was overtaking your body every second that passed.

He nodded and the smirk was back again as if he enjoyed seeing you like this. You bet he had seen way worse captures of his, who suffered a lot more.

‘‘ You want to know why? ‘‘ he asked tauntingly.

He didn’t even give you a chance to answer before he went on.

‘‘ You’re a lonely pathetic woman in her 20s. You have no job, no money, no boyfriend or husband and no family ‘‘ he said this in such a mocking manner that it took you aback. You felt like your whole body went cold, like you were an insect under his magnifying glass and after he had inspected you he crushed you.

This was all too much for you. You tried the best that you could to turn away from him, sort of looking out the window - only, all the windows were covered up and you assumed it was to make you feel disoriented and not see where you were. It was smart, you’d admit that. On top of that the leader had kept you occupied so you didn’t even get the chance to feel what ways the car was turning to somehow name your location.

He didn’t say anything more for the rest of the ride except for a low,

‘‘ I’m Hyunjin. The leader ‘‘

Then he left you alone, you weren’t sure if he was watching you but it sure felt like his eyes never left you, even when you were turned so that you couldn’t see him in the corner of your eye, the feeling of his gaze lingered.

Not long after, the van came to an abrupt stop throwing you forwards slightly. The doors were slid open revealing the familiar guys from before. Only three of them were in the doorway now though, one shorter one with freckles, the other shorter one with a mean and stern looking face and one that looked like a golden retriever. As you looked at them you wondered how they had ended up here in this gang. They were once normal people just like yourself, what happened to them? Perhaps...they were kidnapped like yourself and they would try to make you one of them?

‘‘ Get out ‘‘ the mean looking one barked at you and then said to Hyunjin ‘‘ We’re here master. Everything is ready ‘‘

The leader reached over again to unbuckle your seatbelt but he wasn’t really looking at you this time, he seemed to be in a hurry. In fact he seemed to be so stressed when you had stepped out that he swept you off your feet. You yelped in surprise but he wasted no time, walking straight away towards the buildings doors. 

It looked like it was some kind of abandoned church. It was worn down and dark, covered in graffiti and had several white sheets covering up the window. You shivered at the creepy vibe it gave off, it looked like the perfect place for a gang.

As your group approached the entry doors, two of the guys from before hurried up in front to hold the doors open for Hyunjin and you. You felt him walk again and you tried to turn from your place in his arms to look around. You gasped.

People in masks and dark cloaks stood in a circle around some kind of table. The walls were dirty and worn out just like the outside and the familiar church seats didn’t look very familiar anymore, they were filled with clutter like books and candles. More candles decorated the walls and it had weird drawn symbols in white and red, which looked too much like blood.

You desperately tried to crawl out but his arms clinging onto you only got harder, tightening the grip. You were coming closer and closer to the group who had now turned when they noticed your presence. The group split in the middle, making way for you to pass through. You heart dropped when you had passed by the people.

Right there was an altar. It had old dry blood ingrained in it all over. By how the dried blood looked like it had run down the sides, you thought about how much blood there had to have been there, they probably killed someone and the thought of it makes you sick.

He sat you down unexpectedly gentle and stepped back slightly while looking at you. You felt like there wasn’t a chance in hell to escape with the mob getting ever so closer as the seconds passed, soon they’d be suffocating you although it felt like their mere presence was already doing that.

‘‘ W-what, where am I...Hyunjin ‘‘ you said his name slowly as if trying it out.

His expressions didn’t change, he looked cold like he had done that same night you met him.

‘‘ Y/n, I’ve had my eyes on you for a long time. Planning, waiting for the perfect moment to take you away ‘‘ he explained calmly. 

You didn’t say anything but when he said he’d been watching you for a long time you felt chills down your spine again. You didn’t feel safe here and you didn’t know what they wanted.

‘‘ Master decided to save you ‘‘ one of the mob whispered in an almost hysteric voice. 

They looked really riled up or quite frankly, crazy - from the way they got closer and closer and how they looked at their leader with so much admiration, like he was some sort of God.

‘‘ Save me? ‘‘ you asked looking straight at Hyunjin to try to read his face.

You thought that maybe they were just joking but he still didn’t move a muscle. He took a deep breath before speaking again.

‘‘ You see, all the people out there they’re really bad people. They have turned to the false God and I’m the only one who can save you ‘‘ he answered fairly casually studying your face and reaction to what he had said.

‘‘ Uh, false God? ‘‘

‘‘ Jesus and his father ‘‘

You huffed. It still felt like a joke but the people surrounding you made you doubt it. Either they were really good actors or this crazy man had taken advantage of vulnerable people and brainwashed them into worshipping him.

‘‘ He’s evil and tries to mask his evil words with acts of ‘‘ kindness ‘‘ ‘’ he air-quoted the word kindness and looked truly annoyed as he explained this to you.

You weren’t really sure how to respond.

‘‘ I...Appreciate that and what you do but I would like to go home now, is that okay? ‘‘ you tried.

‘‘ No ‘‘

Silence followed. You felt like the mob were silently judging you and maybe even hated you because you got all this attention from their precious leader.

‘‘ U-um well I do have to go, I’m not interested sorry ‘‘ you swung your legs over the stone seat and put your feet on the ground below.

He didn’t move from his spot which made you hopeful, but then when you approached the mob expecting them to step aside for you to pass - they didn’t. They stood just as still, just like him. You saw him turn to you and then felt a hard grip around your forearm.

He was angry but you also saw some hint of disgust in his eyes.

‘‘ See everyone how grateful you are that I saved you, see what could’ve become of you. We’ve got a lot of work to do with this one ‘‘ he said to the mob while staring into your eyes. He smirked for a moment and that’s when you realised, this was a cult.

He was fully aware of the truth vs made up things and how he affected all these people but you supposed he liked the power. It made you sick yet again to think about how many lives he had ruined by spewing such nonsense.

His loyal followers all shouted in union,

‘‘ Yes master! ‘‘ 

Before Hyunjin started to drag you to a doorway at the opposite side of the room. It felt like his grip was getting tighter and tighter and you groaned quietly at the pain, it was sure to leave bruises but you knew he didn’t care - he had probably left a fair amount of bruises on his followers before. 

He took you through the doorway and turned to the right. You reached a long stone corridor that felt very creepy. He kept dragging you until he had gotten to the room at the end of the corridor. There, he still kept his iron grip on you while fumbling in his pockets to take out a silver key.

‘‘ This is where you will be staying ‘‘

Anger bubbled up inside you. Who is he to decide that he was gonna ‘’ save you ‘’ to kidnap you and to order you around without you having a choice? It made you feel so belittled, and because of it you hated him already and what made it worse is the fact that you were pretty sure he enjoyed it.

He shoved you in and closed the door behind him swiftly without turning his back to you, smart, he didn’t even give you one opportunity to escape him.

‘‘ Tomorrow will be your first ritual, you should be excited ‘‘ he gave you a small smile. 

You wanted to punch him so bad, to kick and scream and to run for your life. The room he had pushed you into was as cold-stoned as the corridor had been, literally. It looked like an old-school prison cell in those castles with stone floor, walls and ceiling. The windows were barred shut and was way too high up for you to reach anyway. 

The only thing that made it look anything other than a prison cell was the double bed in the middle of the furthest wall. It had scarlet velvet looking covers and looked quite comfortable. In that moment you wanted nothing more than for him to leave so you could let your growing exhaustion take over you and figure out a plan to escape later after resting.

And so he actually did - to your surprise. You suppose it was because of the look of burning hate you had given him this whole time or that you had refused to answer him but whatever the reason, you felt relieved.

He sighed and left, closing the door rather harshly after him but you didn’t even look at him, he didn’t deserve that.

Your head found the pillow automatically and you let your body relax, falling asleep not that long after.

-

‘‘ Hello? Y/n get the fuck up ‘‘ the distant voice who had been mumbling, or least that’s what it sounded like to you - suddenly started to get louder and clearer.

You body jerked awake when you realised it wasn’t a dream and the first thing you saw when you opened your eyes was those brown eyes of the leader himself. He looked annoyed, like you were just a burden to him and the fact that you’d woken up so late was just another inconvenience.

He rolled his eyes.

‘‘ Finally. We haven’t got all day Ms princess ‘‘ 

You yawned at looked at him still half-asleep. You got up without protesting though because you didn’t want to anger him any more. 

You wasted no time and even got dressed in front of him, ignoring his presence while continuing to be in a dazed and tired state. 

He seemed to wait as patiently as he could but that didn’t stop him from sending you glares every now and then. 

At last you were ready, dressed in a white plain summery dress that had been put out for you to wear. You noticed while walking up to him that he was now wearing very light coloured clothes as well - a strong contrast to the day before. He didn’t have his piercings on, his tattoos were covered and he wore long white linen clothes. You gagged at the thought of him picking out clothes just so you would match.

‘‘ Come on ‘‘ he mumbled. His patience seemed to be running out.

He opened the door and basically pushed you out in front of him, then he closed the door once again and followed quickly. It felt like he was breathing down your neck, not giving you any space to - you assumed - not make you get away. You ignored him being that close and focused on his directions instead. He told you to go back the same way you had come from and out of the church, into a garden where the ‘’ ceremony ‘’ as he called it would happen.

You stayed silent and walked to where he wanted you to. The church was empty, which was a bit odd but you kept going until you laid your hands on the  big doors again and pushed it open.

You recognised the place you had been at yesterday, even the car was still there. But you couldn’t do anything, not even get close to the car before Hyunjin barked his orders,

‘‘ Right. Then walk straight to the garden. No stopping ‘‘ and you reacted like a robot, casting one last sorrowful look at a possible escape route. 

You followed his directions and walked into a clearing in the forest the church had been hiding behind itself. The mob was there again.

Of course

You thought yourself and couldn’t stop your hand from forming a fist. More people, less chance of escaping. But where else would they be if not by the side of their precious leader?

They gave you very genuinely happy smiles which freaked you out and you smiled back awkwardly to not feel like you were being rude. As you approached the group Hyunjin put his fingertips to your upper back guiding you forwards, or rather to the middle of the circle again who parted once you got close, allowing you to pass through.

Then you spotted it, another altar. 

But this time you weren’t really scared, until Hyunjin told you lay down on it and his words from before rang in your head over and over again,

‘‘ Tomorrow will be your first ritual, you should be excited ‘‘

Fuck

What was going to happen to you now?

‘‘ Welcome everyone ‘’ he started off his speech, turning to the gathered crowd.

‘’ We’ve gathered here today to make a union, to forever bond the master, the greatest, to y/n, the princess ‘‘

Your head was spinning. It felt like the coldness of the stone you were laying on had transferred to your blood, making it ice cold. You weren’t even sure if you were alive anymore or if this was possibly just a dream.

‘‘ Y/n? ‘‘ he suddenly called out which caught your attention.

You turned your head to him, tears threatening to fall any second now.

‘‘ I have to do this, for us to be together forever ‘‘ he said this in an almost pitiful way and your gut knew what was coming but you didn’t want to believe it.

You were going to fight and be optimistic until the last second.

‘‘ You first, then me okay? If you keep still this will be quicker ‘‘ the fact that he looked truly sorry made you forget for a moment what kind of person he was.

He walked up to you and you got so enhanced in his eyes, it was easy to see how all the other people had believed his lies. You were even ready to accept your faith, and so you did the only thing you could - you closed your eyes and waited.

You weren’t sure but you think you heard him say ‘’ good girl ‘’ under his breath. You also heard some distant hushed talking and some items being scraped together but you held you breath and kept your eyes closed, it was for the best.

No closed eyes or deep breaths could’ve prepared you for what came next though,

the pain was unbearable. A cold metal that was sharp penetrated your chest causing you to scream out.

‘‘ Stop! Stop! Stop! ‘‘

Hyunjin hushed you comfortingly and stroke your hair slowly, placing small kisses to your forehead but you barely felt them - the pain was so overpowering it felt like it was the only thing you felt.

Eventually when your breaths started becoming more heavy and your vision started to get blurrier, you opened your eyes one last time. You saw the man you had started to hate in such a short time, now...he was your killer. 

Then you closed your eyes again and waited and waited while it felt like the liquid had decorated your entire body, hell maybe even the whole forest. 

At last, after much suffering

the world did become black and you were finally at peace.

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Kou Mukami (Story 06)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too! If you enjoy these translations, please consider supporting me on ko-fi.

Place: Violet mansion — Kou’s bedroom

Yui: ….., Nn...

???: Fufu, how adorable...

Yui: (..... ? What exactly is touching me like that? It feels as if I’m being gently patted… fufu, and it tickles a bit too…)

...Nn, …..

*Yui opens eyes*

Yui: ...Eh? Kou… kun… ?

Kou: Good morning, Yui. I’m sorry, did I wake you up?

Yui: No, it’s okay...

(Kou-kun, he usually has troubles waking up earlier, so why is he up before me… ?)

When did you wake up?

Kou: Hmmm, a little while ago, I think?

Yui: If that’s so, I’d be really happy if you wake me up next time then...

Kou: Ehh, but if I do that, I won’t be able to look at your sleeping face.

It was even more fun watching your drool dribble down your face.

Yui: M-My drool!?

(Of all things he had to see, why was it that… !?)

Kou: Haha, you don’t have to wipe your face, it’s okay. I was just messing with you.

Yui: Eh, you were lying… ? But, Kou-kun!

Kou: Sorry, Sorry, I thought that you’d make a really cute expression if I made fun of it.

But… being able to see my M Neko-chan angry is also quite cute, isn’t it?

Yui: Nn...

(It’s so unfair if he shows me such an affectionate smile while saying these types of things. I can’t get mad if he does things like this)

...Now, now, that’s enough.

Kou: Fufu, thanks.

...Ah, I almost forgot to do this. Good morning… mwah.

*Kou kisses Yui*

Yui: Nn… Good morning, Kou-kun.

Kou: It’s been such a long time since I’ve been this carefree.

It’s also one of the nicest feelings waking up with my beloved M Neko-chan in my arms. I guess true happiness really is as simple as that, right?

Yui: Yes...

Kou: ...I wish this here would be the same as in the Mukami house though.

Yui: Eh?

Kou: I just remembered Ruki-kun and the others for a moment right now.

How Yuma-kun takes care of his herb garden, how Ruki-kun made breakfast for me every morning, and how Azusa-kun came to call us to eat...

And how you kept asking to help out changing my clothes.

I know it probably hasn’t been that long since I last saw them like that, but it does feel as if that’s been ages ago...

*Kou hugs Yui*

Kou: ...I really desperately want every day to be like this again.

Yui: Me too. Let’s go back to the Mukami mansion together soon.

(I want us to continuously immerse in those happy memories… but I can’t even do anything about this for now)

(But we have to hold onto those feelings and memories we have)

*Kou stands up*

Kou: Well, even if it’s okay to go home, there are many problems for the time being.

Yui: That’s sadly true. After all we don’t even know where exactly this place is...

And on top of that, everyone has messed up memories and they’re fighting against each other.

Kou: That’s right. Say, M Neko-chan, what do you think we should do now?

Yui: What should we do from now on, you ask?

Choices

1) Put an end to their fighting (black)

2) Try to regain everyone’s memories (white)♡♡♡

— Put an end to their fighting

Yui: I think it’s best to stop them from fighting first. Someone might end up getting hurt again if we don’t do so...

Kou: Stop them from fighting, huh… ? As long as they only remember that one needs to be chosen as the supreme ruler, they won’t stop so easily.

Yui: Hmm, is it possible for us to somehow deny that those memories are right?

I mean, Kou-kun and Azusa-kun… you both also ended up regaining your memories, right? So there has to be a possibility too, right?

— Try to regain everyone’s memories♡

Yui: What about regaining everyone’s memories first? I’m sure there has to be a way to make them remember.

I mean, Kou-kun and Azusa-kun ended up getting their memories back as well.

Kou: It’s surely true that if everyone would remember themselves, this story would be done really quick.

end Choices

Kou: Memories, huh. Memories, Memories… hmmm, how can we get them to remember them?

Yui: I mean, me, Kou-kun and Azusa-kun ended up getting them back. So what do those three people have in common...

(The time it happened at doesn’t matter, right? If you ate or drank something before perhaps… ?)

Kou: Hmm… it’s no use, I can’t think of anything at all!

Haa… at times like those, I wish Ruki-kun would be here.

Yui: Ruki-kun… ? Ah, maybe I have an idea!

You and Azusa-kun both regained your memories while being attacked by Ruki-kun, isn’t that right? And I remembered while my blood was being sucked by you for the first time again.

So maybe it takes a big shock for someone to regain their memories?

Kou: Maybe that’s really the case after all! I was really shocked seeing Ruki-kun’s threatening appearance like that.

It’s definitely worth a try then, right? Alright, let’s try this method on someone we’re close to in this mansion!

Yui: Eh? I-I guess we could do that.

Kou: Well then, now that we’ve decided what to do, we should prepare it right away.

Yui: (Say, Kou-kun, what exactly are we going to do?)

Place: Violet mansion — Corridor

Subaru: …..

Kou: Subaru-kun is here! Are you ready?

Yui: Y-Yeah… but, do we really have to do this?

Kou: Of course! It might be a little of a drastic measure, but this is Subaru-kun after all.

It’s without fail one of the best decisions to have Subaru-kun regain his memories instead of anyone else first.

*footsteps approach*

Kou: He’s coming closer! M Neko-chan, we’ll pull the rope all together when I give you the signal.

...Now! Go!

Yui: (Subaru-kun, I’m so sorry!)

Subaru: Hgah!?

Kou: Hooray, we caught him!

Yui: Y-Yes… we really ended up hitting his head...

Subaru: That hurts… who the fuck!?

Kou: Subaru-kun, do you remember now!?

Subaru: Hah?

Kou: Hey, Hey, do you remember anything? About the Sakamaki mansion or something maybe?

Subaru: What the heck are you talking about… wait, so you were the ones setting this rope up from the very beginning!?

Kou: Crap, he’s really angry! M Neko-chan, let’s run for it!

Yui: E-Ehhhh!?

Subaru: Hey, wait! Don’t fuck around like that!!

Place: Violet mansion — Kou’s bedroom

Kou: Haa, Haa… Ahh, that scared me. I didn’t think he’d get that angry at us...

And here I thought the shock treatment that comes from something falling down on him works, but I guess it didn’t turn as expected.

Okay, then let’s try out our next method!

Yui: (I can’t help but wonder if what we’re doing is really okay…)

Place: Violet mansion — Corridor

Subaru: Tch, just what the fuck did they want to achieve with that?

Kou: …..

Yui: (Subaru-kun doesn’t seem to notice that Kou-kun is approaching him from behind…)

Kou: ...Hyah!

*Kou hits Subaru*

Subaru: Ngh…—

Yui: (Yikes, that gave off a sound. Subaru-kun is holding his head in pain…)

U-Ummm… Subaru-kun...

Kou: Subaru-kun, how about now!?

Subaru: Not you guys doing this bullshit on me again!? What even is this shit about!?

Kou: Uwah, we failed again! Umm, see ya!

*time passes*

Subaru: …..

Yui: ...Subaru-kun, he looks quite cautious now.

(I mean, of course he’ll start becoming vigilant after this type of thing happens twice in a row)

Kou: I hope it will work out this time...

Subaru: Those guys are… nowhere to be seen around here, I think. For real, why do I have such a hard time returning to my room…

*Water drops on Subaru*

Subaru: Gah… !?

Kou: Hooray, we did it!

Yui: (Ah, Subaru-kun is now completely soaked in water because of the bucket that dropped on him…)

Subaru: And of course it’s you guys again… I’m dripping wet because of the bullshit you pulled on me again!

*Subaru punches wall*

Yui: Uwah!

(H-He punched the wall with his bare fist… ! He must be absurdly angry!!)

Kou: Crap! M Neko-chan, come here!

Subaru: Tch, just what is their goal… !?

Place: Violet mansion — Kou’s bedroom

Kou: Hmm, seems as if the shock treatment is way more complicated than we thought it would be, right?

Yui: Aren’t we just being violent rather than giving him shock therapy at this point… ?

Kou: But we can’t give up like that now. We need to do our best for Subaru-kun’s sake!

Yui: (Oh dear, I wonder if that’s okay...)

Place: Violet mansion — Living room

Kou: Subaru-kun~ ♪

Subaru: ...Did you come here to do something to me again!?

Kou: No, No! We’re really sorry about what happened earlier! We’re really regretting what we did, so we thought we should properly apologize to Subaru-kun.

Subaru: What did you do this shit for in the first place?

Kou: M Neko-chan, you can bring it in!

Subaru: Don’t ignore my question like that!!

Yui: Yes, here it is. I prepared quite a lot, so make sure to eat as much as you can, okay?

Subaru: Nn… this smell...

Isn’t this a garlic dish!? Why do you even bother handing me one of the worst dishes as an apology anyway!?

Kou: Now, Now. You might get surprised how good it tastes if you try it, don’t you think?

And as a special deal, I’ll be the one feeding you today♪ Say, aah.

Subaru: I’m not gonna eat that shit!

Kou: And how you’ll eat that! C’mere!

*Kou forces him to eat*

Subaru: Ngah...

Kou: M Neko-chan put a bunch of love into making that dish for you, so the least you can do is eat it all up, right? Open up!

Subaru: Mgh, Ngh...

Kou: And? Wasn’t that delicious?

Subaru: Nn, ...Nn…. Nn...

Yui: (Oh no, Subaru-kun has tears in his eyes…)

Subaru: ...Nn, bwahh… Haa, Haa… I somehow managed to swallow it… fuck, that damn garlic… !

Kou: Subaru-kun! Did you remember something now… ?

Subaru: How am I supposed to know!?

*Subaru punches chair*

Yui: Kyaaa!? Please calm down, otherwise the chair might break!

Kou: Ehh, was this really useless too? I thought it would surely work out like this.

Subaru: What were you two doing this in the first place!? You’re not doing this because of anything dumb now, are you!?

*Subaru hits wall*

Kou: Woah! D-Don’t just hit the wall. We only did this for Subaru-kun’s sake.

Subaru: Hah!?

Yui: (His dreadful voice is surely making a stir! It’s not good to make so much noise!)

Both of you, please calm down! If you keep making this much noise—

*footsteps approach*

Yui: ...Ah… those footsteps are...

Kou: Somehow, I have a really bad feeling about this...

Subaru: Hey… this is all just because of you...

Kou: F-For the time being, why don’t we turn around…. one, two, go!

*they turn around*

Carla: ...You all, what is this mess about?

Place: Violet mansion — Dungeon 

Carla: You shall reflect on your actions here.

*Carla leaves*

Kou: W-Wait, Carla-kun!? You know that you didn’t have to lock me up in a place like this...

Carla-kun, wait a second!

*door closes*

Yui: He left…

Subaru: Damn, why am I even here...

Kou: And you still don’t remember anything, Subaru-kun? Even though the both of us worked so persuasively on it.

Subaru: You two were literally dragging me into this malicious bullshit!

Kou: But we were not screwing around, we had a purpose for doing that!

Hey, remember already. We were so close to each other, you know!

Subaru: Just what the frick are you talking about!?

Kou: Ughh, why can’t you remember already!? You’re such an idiot!!

Subaru: You shut up!

Yui: (And once again another dispute began. At this rate, I don’t think we can restore his memories anymore…)

Monologue

—Then, only a few hours later.

Our saviour, Azusa-kun, came back from his reconnaissance and quickly noticed the situation.

After Azusa-kun then suddenly appeared, he hurried over in order to talk things over with Carla-san.

Until Azusa-kun came to open up the prison’s lock with a key, we were held captive.

Place: Scarlet mansion — Living room

Yuma: Tch…

(Reiji that bastard, I’m still waiting for him to give me new orders)

(This is probably part of his strategie, but those tactics don’t seem to fit his usual nature whatsoever)

Ahh… I’m kinda getting annoyed…

Fuck… ! Hey, Shu. I’m going out for a walk for a few minutes!

Shu: Do whatever you want… fwah… 

*Shu yawns*

[olicity-fanwork-exchange]

Title: Your Fire Under My Skin by allimarie_xf ( @allimariexf )

Rating: Teen

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationship: Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak

Characters: Oliver Queen, Felicity Smoak

Additional Tags: Missing Scene, Remix, Fic of Fic, AU, Alternate Universe - Earth 2, UST

Notes:

Dear @cruzrogue (AO3: cruzrogue) Surprise, my friend! I am so lucky to have you as my giftee, and I’ve had an awesome time “living” in your universe!!

Of the three works you gave me to choose from, I decided to write in your intriguing Earth-2 AU, Earth-2 Felicity Q-Smoak 

I admit that I find writing in AU to be a challenge - I have actually never done it before! But I was drawn in by the mysterious world you’ve created in this story, and I was especially intrigued by the history between Oliver and Felicity. There are 13 years between your story’s “present” and its flashbacks, and clearly a lot has happened between them during those years. I couldn’t help but want to fill in that blank, just a little bit ;)

So this little missing scene takes place early in Oliver and Felicity’s past, during their voyage back to the U.S. (I would say it is set between chapters 2 and 3 of your fic). I had SO MUCH FUN writing this. Thank you for giving me the opportunity! *mwah!*

She’d taken to leaving the door open a crack when she went to bed. She couldn’t exactly pinpoint when it happened, or why, but somewhere in the unexamined back of her mind she was aware it had to do with him.

With the way his eyes were always on her, the way she could feel it. At first it was an annoyance, the way she would look away from her tablet, her meal, her conversation with one of the crew, and the first thing her eyes would meet were his, watching her. It felt like an invasion of her privacy, like he had the ability to see more than she chose to show, and that made her deeply uncomfortable. But the longer it went on, the longer he refused to betray or exploit any of the weaknesses she felt sure he could perceive, the more she began to trust that he wouldn’t.

And without realizing it, she began to find comfort in his presence. She began to crave it, began to let herself enjoy the physical sensation that buzzed down her spine when her eyes met his from across the room. She wasn’t immune to the tension that constantly sparked between them, the attraction that, if she wasn’t mistaken, went both ways, but she had plenty of experience with men, with sex, and she mostly tried to convince herself that the thrill she experienced in his vicinity had more to do with the almost-taboo circumstances of their acquaintance, or with the self-imposed abstinence of her business trip, than anything to do with him personally.

So when his deep blue eyes made something stir in her core every time she connected with his steady gaze, she refused to look deeper into it.

But she did begin the leave the door open, feeling more at ease, somehow, knowing he was just outside.

She woke up with a start, the sweat soaking through her satin nightgown making it stick to her skin.

She took several gulping breaths of air that, if not exactly fresh, was at least not the stifling, smoky air from Nanda Parbat. Her heartbeats began to slow when it suddenly occurred to her that she wasn’t alone. She felt his presence in the darkness. “How long have you been standing there?”

At first he didn’t answer, but she turned her eyes toward the spot near her nightstand where she knew he was watching her with that same penetrating gaze that saw too much. It had only been a few weeks since he’d been thrust upon her, an unwarranted “gift” from Ra’s al Ghul with, she suspected, his own agenda, but as she listened to him through the silence, she realized with a jolt of surprise that she was already learning to read him, too. She could feel him hesitating, considering his response.

“Less than five minutes,” he finally replied, his voice rough from disuse.

She let that sink in, knowing in the back of her head that with anyone else she would have felt violated, but that with him she only felt protected. Comforted. An alarm went off somewhere deep inside her at that thought, because Felicity Smoak didn’t crave protection. Felicity Smoak didn’t need protection. “And why did you come in here?” she asked, her voice extra sharp because she knew she must have cried out in her sleep. She felt exposed, aware that he had seen her wrestling with the fear she’d felt standing in front of the Demon’s Head, fear she’d managed to suppress and overcome, except in her dreams.

He cleared his throat. “I heard a disturbance. A struggle. I thought, maybe…,” his voice faded, but his implication was clear. He’d expected to find her grappling with an enemy, only to find her locked in a nightmare. “But there was no attacker.”

Knowing that he had observed her weakness, and that her first instinct had been to welcome his watchful presence, her alarm blossomed into irrational anger. “Then why did you stay?” she snapped, attempting to leverage the unequal balance of power between them that she normally tried to erase: she, the wealthy woman and he, the virtual slave standing around waiting upon her whim. He, a silent, menacing man, who carried a sword and whose very presence disturbed the peace on her yacht, yet who followed her around offering unasked for protection as if her safety was the only thing he lived and breathed for. Since he’d joined them, the air of camaraderie had evaporated among the crew; even her four hired bodyguards seemed to melt away from his presence. Out of all the people on the boat, she was the only one who didn’t shrink away from him, which she only just now realized had served to isolate her as well. She should have laughed in his face and forced him to sleep on the deck, instead of allowing herself to be drawn in by his eyes.

She waited for a reply that didn’t come, and all at once she needed to see him, to face him down, to prove that she was equal to his evaluating gaze, to prove to him and to herself once and for all that he was just a man, with no special insight or power over her. To prove that she didn’t need nor desire his protection. In one quick motion she switched on the bedside lamp, surprising him as he stood over her with a deeply conflicted look on his face.

All of her anger fell away at once.

MORE UNDER THE CUT!

He was standing next to her bed, much closer than she’d imagined, and his eyes locked onto hers immediately. Wide, blue eyes that held more passion and depth than she had ever seen in another person, and it hit her that he was just a man, and all the more dangerous for it, but it hit her also that she no longer cared.

He was overly large in the intimate space of her bedroom, and Felicity realized with a flash of self-awareness that her satin nightgown had ridden up around her waist. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead of answering her, his eyes raked slowly down her body, as if compelled, taking in every inch of her exposed skin.

Felicity watched his adam’s apple bob and felt a spike of hot lust run through her at his reaction. She took refuge in directness, a strategy which had helped her a lot when she’d first been finding her footing in the business world. “It was only a nightmare. I’m fine.” She squirmed internally under his gaze, half hoping he would take her words as a dismissal, half hoping he would act on the raw desire she read in his flared nostrils and dilated pupils.

Her words seemed to jolt him back to the present, and when he turned his eyes to hers, there was a softness there she didn’t expect. “I didn’t realize you were prone to nightmares.” His tone was a subtle question, an invitation.

She knew she could answer him brusquely, reinforcing the wall around any of her seeming vulnerabilities, and that he would leave her without objection. If the past few weeks had taught her anything about him, it was that he would do as she asked, as long as she didn’t ask him to give up protecting her. But instead she found herself asking, again, “Why did you stay?” and this time her eyes were on his, granting him permission to answer honestly.

He swallowed heavily as his gaze dropped to the floor. “I heard…some of what you said.” His eyes drifted warily back up to her face. “About Nanda Parbat, and Ra’s al Ghul.”

Felicity stared back at him, sensing his sympathy but, strangely, not feeling patronized by it.

“It is an uneasy place, and the memories also,” he bit his lip, searching for the right word, “visit me, when I sleep.”

“You have nightmares too?” Her surprise made her blunt, which she realized when he suddenly blinked and looked away. Without intending to, she reached a hand toward him. “I mean, of course your experience there….” She drifted off as she watched him stare at her hand, half-extended and hanging in mid-air. She shivered suddenly, out of nowhere, as her body began to react to the cooling sweat that covered her body.

Instead of answering, he reached out and tugged the edge of her nightgown down, as if doing so could counter her chill. “You’re cold.”

The sensation of his fingers brushing over her skin had her shuddering again, and when she met his eyes they were much nearer than they had been. “No, I,” she licked her dry lips, “I’m just covered in sweat.” She huffed a self-conscious laugh. “Dreaming about those smoky fires and stuffy caverns had a physical effect, I guess.”

Oliver nodded seriously, and she was sorry that her nightmares seemed to have awakened his own dark memories which were, she was certain, much worse than her own experiences. After all, she had faced the Demon and reached a mutually beneficial agreement; Oliver had lived captive in Nanda Parbat for years, fighting to earn his freedom, and yet still not having truly achieved it.

His fingers were still stroking idly along her bare thigh as she held his gaze for a long moment. “I should probably get cleaned up before I try to sleep again.”

He nodded slowly. “I’ll run you a bath.”

Felicity’s jaw dropped, but he had already turned away toward her private bathroom before she could protest. Instead she listened, intrigued, as he turned the faucet on and the tub began filling up. She imagined him in the small space of her bathroom, wondering what he was up to, and whether he planned to stay and bathe her. It wasn’t an unappealing thought, and she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t let herself think about him like that on numerous occasions already.

She’d caught him staring at her more times than she could count, and it had been weeks since she’d first read the admiration in his gaze. Admiration that had grown more bold, more brazen, since she’d found herself returning it. It was not a thing they’d ever spoken of, but neither was it something either of them was ashamed of. He was clearly aware of his own sexual appeal, and Felicity had never been a woman to play coy. It was only natural that they’d be attracted to one another. Yet the unconventional nature of their relationship prevented her from taking things further, though doing so would otherwise have been the logical and undoubtedly very gratifying next step.

After several minutes of waiting, Felicity stood up, pulling her flimsy nightgown down as far as it would go, which wasn’t very far, and made her way to the bathroom. She could see him through the open door. His back was to her, and he was kneeling in front of the tub, bent over with his hands dipping into the water.

He had removed the stiff outer layers of his dark League of Assassins uniform, revealing a loose linen undershirt. He’d rolled up the sleeves to prevent them from getting wet, exposing his muscled forearms.

Felicity felt herself getting wet instead.

She watched silently from the doorway as he sat back and wiped his dripping hands on his shirt before reaching for a lighter and one of the candles she had strewn along the edge of the bathtub. He silently lit the candle and set it back down, keeping his back to her as he started to speak. “The fires in Nanda Parbat,” he lifted another candle, setting the wick alight, “they’re not comfortable fires. Their flames are too hot for warmth, and they consume the air so that one cannot breathe freely.” He lit another candle, then another. “They burn too brightly, create shadows that are too dark by contrast. When I close my eyes I can still see them against the backs of my eyelids, and when I sleep their heat burns me awake, too.” He turned around to face her, and she saw the shadowed memories in his eyes.

She drew toward him, compelled by the look on his face and his quiet tone of voice, and when he reached a long arm around to flick off the light switch behind her, she stepped closer, unconsciously seeking his body.

He dropped his arm but didn’t lean away, and she turned her face up to him, watching the candlelight play over his face, highlighting full lips and contoured cheeks and jaw. Without his league armor he seemed infinitely softer, more touchable, and Felicity fought the urge to reach out and stroke his jaw.

His eyes flicked to her lips and lingered there, and when he raised his eyes to hers she knew they were both aware of how easy it would be, could be, to close the already small distance between them. But she also knew, somehow, that they were already beyond the point of purely physical gratification. The tension between them already ran deeper.

He stepped aside, gesturing for her to move past him toward the bath. Felicity held his eyes a moment longer before moving away, unselfconsciously lifting her nightgown over her head and stepping out of her panties as she went. She felt his eyes hot on her skin but didn’t turn around.

“You speak of the uneasy fires in Nanda Parbat and yet you’ve gone and lit fires here, too.”

She heard his soft chuckle, so much lighter than any sound she’d heard from him before. “I suppose a part of me hopes the fires in your dreams can be rewritten, Miss Smoak.”

She hesitated at the edge of the bath, prolonging the moment. “And you suppose that you will be the one to rewrite them?”

She heard his small intake of breath and she smiled, knowing she had caught him off guard.

“Miss Smoak, I…,” his voice dropped to a whisper, “I had to try.”

She dipped the toes of one foot into the tub, testing the water. “What about the fires in your dreams, Oliver? Who will rewrite them?”

She felt his gaze on her back, warming her more thoroughly than the flickering candles, and for a moment she thought he might reach out to her, encompassing one bare shoulder in his large hand, his other arm reaching around to pull her back into his chest. But the silence stretched and the air around her body grew colder without his touch and she sighed quietly, lowering herself into the water, knowing their moment had passed.

Just before she heard the door close, his words reached her. “If anyone can, Miss Smoak, you’ll be the first to know.”

She sank deeper into the tub then, letting the warm water ease the ache in her taut nipples, letting the promise of his words sink into her heart.

[gaiyofanfiction]

Save Me (9)

Chapter1: Second Time? - Chapter 2: Awake - Chapter 3: First Love - Chapter 4: Mama - Chapter 5: Reflection - Chapter 6: Lie - Chapter 7: Stigma - Chapter 8: Begin - Chapter 9: Taken - Chapter 10: Torture  - Chapter 11: The Plan - Chapter 12: The Escape            

Reader X Jungkook

Mental Hospital AU

Angst/Thriller/Romance

A/N: Hey everyone! Thank you for all the love of the story. We really appreciate it. We really hope you'll like this chapter. It's a little on the shorter side but we are pretty proud of it. The next chapter shall be full of drama. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: This story is pure fiction. We did take their personalities and match as best we can with illnesses, however we do not claim that the boys from BTS have these mental illnesses! Also, we did as much research as we can on each disorder. We are not meaning to offend anyone who has these illnesses at all. ALSO, WE DO KNOW BTS CHANGED THEIR ENGLISH NAME TO BEYOND THE SCENE BUT WE’RE USING BULLETPROOF BOYSCOUTS CAUSE IT FITS THE STORY BETTER. Trigger warning: Mentions of mental illness, hospitals, self harm, suicide attempt and abuse. Both Gaisho and I recommend, if you feel like you need to go to the hospital for ANY reason, please don’t be afraid to do so. It can help. If you EVER feel like you need to talk to anyone, vent, or need advice on anything, please do not hesitate to msg us! We’ve been through it all. Character Descriptions so far: Reader- Chronic Depression, Derealization Disorder and Dissociative Amnesia Jin - Narcissistic Personality Disorder (With homicidal tendencies) Suga- Narcolepsy and Chronic Depression J-Hope- Bipolar II Disorder Rap Monster- OCD and Paranoia Jimin- Explosive Anger Disorder V- Schizoaffective Disorder Jungkook- Agoraphobia

Chapter 9: Taken:         “Jungkook, don't worry. The memory loss is due to the EST and is only temporary.” Rap Monster tries to reassure the younger.

        Jungkook grunts in response, not even glancing at him. He's watching you sleep soundly in the wheelchair, his head resting on his arms.

        “Jungkook,” Suga shakes him for a response.

        Jungkook finally looks at the boys, his eyes bloodshot from crying. “I know. But the memory lost was more this time. I mean, we've forgotten things before but never a whole group of people.”

        Rap Monster opens his mouth to respond but is interrupted by a very happy Jin and J-hope.

        “We are good!” Jin grins as he slams down a folder on the table.

        Five boys look up at them confused. “What is this?” Suga grabs the folder and opens it.

        “It's Y/N’s medical file. It'll tell us why she's really in here.” J-hope smiles proudly, sitting down next to Suga.

        V raises an eyebrow. “How the hell did you get this? We can't just go stealing other people's files!” He hisses.

        “It says here she has ‘Derealization Disorder’ and 'Dissociative Amnesia’” Suga reads out loud.

        Jimin tilts his head, “those are some big words. I've never heard of that and I've been here for over a year.”

        Everyone looks to Rap Monster to translate that into a more simplified explanation. Rap Monster whistles as he looks at the file.

        “Wow. Those are some of the more rare disorders. So, Derealization Disorder is basically when the person has a hard time telling the difference between what is real and what is a dream, so to speak. And Dissociative Amnesia is when the person has an interruption of their memories or thoughts. So, like how Jimin would have anger episodes or Jungkook would have anxiety attacks, Y/N would lose parts of her memory or would be in a dream-like state and think it's real.” He explains.

        The boys 'ooh’ and nod. J-hope snaps his fingers. “That would explain why Y/N was freaking out in her room when Jungkook and I woke her up. She was crying and kept asking me if this was all real.”

        Suga nods in understanding. “That also explains why she always looked so tired and said she had sleeping problems.”

        Jungkook lifts his head up in realization. “That makes sense with how she lost so much of her memory when she had EST. The treatment must have triggered her amnesia, making it worse than if it were just from the EST.”

        Jin takes the file and continues to read it. His eyes widen when he gets further into the report. “It also says she's tried to commit suicide countless times. And she's even forgot almost every time she tried.”

        The boys all look at you, fast asleep in your chair. “The poor girl can't discern dreams from reality. It must be scary. And to forget every time you tried to kill yourself? I couldn't dream of it.” Jimin says in a low voice.

        “I kind of understand.” All the boys turn to V. “It's scary, not knowing what's real and what's in your head. You get confused so much that the easiest thing to do would be to… End it.”

        Jimin rubs circles on V’s back, knowing everything V went through.

        You finally awaken from your deep sleep and look at all the seven boys in front of you with confusion. “Uhm, can I help you?”

        Jungkook grabs your hand, “Y/N, i-it’s me! I’m so glad you’re -”

        You quickly pull your hand away from his, “get your hands off of me, freak!”

        Jungkook’s anxiety shot through the roof and he ran out the door. V ran after him while the rest stayed.

        “Y/N, do you recognize us at all?” Rap Monster asks.

        “Look, I don’t know who you guys are, but I’d appreciate if your little party would get out of my room.” You said with a cold glare.

        Rap Monster looked to the rest of the boys and signaled them all out. You went back to sleep.

        The rest of the boys caught up with V and Jungkook. V was trying to calm Jungkook down, but it wasn’t helping.

        “S-she… She forgot me,” Jungkook says as tears fall into his shaky hands.

        “Just give her a few more hours. Maybe her memory will come back.”

        A couple of hours pass by and all the boys were just down the hall from your room waiting. 

        “NO, STOP. JUNGKOOK, PLEASE HELP!”

        The boys jump, startled at the sudden yelling. Jungkook instantly stands up and turns to you, who has just woken up. He runs down the hall to where you are and kneels in front of you.

        “Hey, Y/N! It's okay, I'm right here!” he grabs your arm and shakes you awake. You open your eyes and look around wildly. Your eyes land on Jungkook and you're suddenly overtaken with emotion. You throw your arms around him and bury your head into his shoulder. He's taken aback but quickly recovers and hugs you tightly. “It's okay baby, I'm not going anywhere.”

        “Kookie, I'm so sorry I forgot about you and everyone. I couldn't help it. The EST and then my amnesia…” you sniffle.

        He rubs your back and shushes you. “It's alright, Y/N. I know. We all know about the amnesia.”

        You pull back gently and look at him confused. He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Well, you see, J-hope and Jin decided to steal your medical file.” He grins his bunny grin and rolls you over to the rest of the group.

        The boys all smile at you and tell you how happy they are to see you remembering everything. You smile back and thank them. You notice that your file is open on the table and you raise an eyebrow.

        Jin’s smile widens into a look of pride. “Look what we have accomplished, Y/N! Well, it was mostly me. It was my brilliant plan and it was executed brilliantly by mwah.” J-hope glares at his friend, who glances back nervously. “Oh and J-hope helped.”

        You chuckle, “I see that. Well, I guess that saves me time in explaining why I'm here.”

        Suga places a hand over yours, the action getting a small pout from Jungkook. “Why didn't you tell us sooner?”

        Your smile fades and you look down out of guilt. “I never have good luck when it comes to those issues I have. Every time someone finds out, they end up leaving me because they can't handle it.” Your voice drops down to an almost whisper. “I didn't want you guys to be another one just to leave me. So I tried to hide it.”

        J-hope shakes his head and brings your chin up with his finger to look at him, also an act that didn't go unnoticed by the youngest. “Y/N, all of us has problems. You honestly thought we'd leave if we found out?”

        “You helped us with our issues, you listened to us and didn't judge based off what goes on up here,” V points to his head. “So we aren't going to judge you or leave you just because of your past or what goes on inside your head.”

        The boys nod in agreement. You smile at all the seven boys. 'These seven are really something special.’

        “Thank you all so much. I really appreciate it more than you know.” you squeeze Jungkook’s hand and smile up at him.

        Suddenly you all hear the door to the room slam open, revealing the overly happy nurse and two male nurses. They stalk up to the table you and the boys are sitting at, making you all stiffen in anticipation.

        “Ms. Y/L/N and Mr. Jeon, if you'll please come with us.” The nurse gives her sickly sweet smile.

        You furrow your brows in confusion and look up at Jungkook, who suddenly stood in front of you as to block you from something.

        Rap Monster stands up, narrowing his eyes. “What do you need with Y/N and Jungkook?”

        The nurse blinks and then laughs her high pitched irritating fake laugh. “Awe, Mr. Kim. It's so cute that you pretend to be the leader of the group.”

        You and Jungkook slowly start to follow the nurse, but just before you both leave the room Rap Monster whispers to you both, “be careful and don’t be too crass. Just get yourselves back in one piece… I mean it.”

        The both of you nod to Rap Monster and head out. Suddenly you and Jungkook were injected with a sedative by two nurses. 

        Jimin shot up, “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!?” 

        Dr. Choi appears before Jimin and smirks. “Now, now… I suggest you calm down and be a sheep just like the rest of your little crew, otherwise you’ll meet the same fate as these two.”

        Jimin was shaking with anger, but bit his tongue and sat down.

        The boys helplessly watch you both being dragged by the nurses. They plopped your limp bodies into upright chairs in a cold, dingy treatment room. 

        The both of you were strapped to chairs that were purposely situated so that you were facing Jungkook. 

        “Wake them up,” Dr. Choi instructed the nurses. One nurse slapped Jungkook as the other attempted to wake you up.

        You slowly come to and notice Jungkook staring right back with woeful eyes. His expression made your heart break. 

        “It’s going to be okay, Kookie. I promise,” you gave him a smile to try to make him feel better, but you knew something bad was about to happen.

        “Alright. Let’s proceed. Usually EST, or electroshock therapy, is administered after a patient is sedated. However, after multiple sessions with Mr. Jeon, it seems EST is no longer the best solution. While efforts were futile, it was then we noticed that a change in behavior was made when another patient was involved…” Dr. Choi says as he stops behind you and puts a hand on your shoulder sending shivers down your spine.

        Jungkook grew angry and growled. ‘No. He can’t… This sick bastard!’

        Immediately you caught on. You tried to calm Jungkook down, “Kookie, please… Stay calm. Remember what Rap Monster said.”

        It was too late. “You… YOU GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF HER!” Jungkook yelled.

        Dr. Choi snickered, “now that’s what I like to see. Hook her up.”

        The nurses started to put different color-coded leads on your head. You shook furiously, but they still managed to get them on. They stuffed a towel in your mouth as well.

        Jungkook’s eyes widened and his breathing became more rapid, “n-no… You wouldn’t dare…”

[Masterlist]

[tinkerbelljayne]

Its so typical of me that I would rebrand my whole blog and then fall radio silent on the bloody thing! It’s been exactly two months since my last blog post, making it possibly my biggest break from blogging since 2012.

But do you know what? I needed it.

2016 wasn’t the kindest year to me, and 2017 was always going to be all about rebuilding myself back up from the whole I had fallen into it. Whilst I of course love writing and documenting my life and my journey, after a crazy few months during which I moved cities, started a brand new job, a new career in fact, and ran my first ever marathon (like I said, rebuilding!) I just wanted to live for a while. It wasn’t intentional, I didn’t plan to drop off the face of the blogosphere, it just happened. I rebranded and then suddenly I realised I didn’t want to think about scheduling tweets. I didn’t want to pick up my SLR. I didn’t want spend my Saturday in front of a laptop after spending the previous five days doing the same thing.

So I did other things instead. I went the pub … a lot. I hung out with family. I hung out with old friends. I made new friends. I slept in on weekends. I read magazines. I drank an obscene amount of coffee. I watched lots of Netflix. And NowTV. And Amazon prime. One Saturday I literally didn’t move from my bed, I ordered McDonalds via Uber eat and watched Sex and the City (for the 107th time) and took naps in between seasons. I worked … a lot. And then I worked some more. I stayed up till 2am having random chats with housemates. I cooked. I drank Prosecco.

I lived life as a non-blogger.

But of course all good things must come to an end. I knew my lazy, summer, non-blogger phase was just that, a phase, and that the writer in me was getting incredibly uncomfortable and frustrated, in need of releasing some thoughts, feelings and lots of words.

So here we are. I’m back.

Rather than just bore you with tales of drunken nights and all the McDonalds I’ve eaten over the past two months, I thought I would share with you some actual interesting life updates. Starting with my job!

New Career

So, my job. After spending pretty much all of my 20’s working in TV, before eventually ditching it for my failed attempt at FT blogging *rolls eyes* this job is quite a game changer, and a whole new industry to me. I was pretty vauge about it all when I shared this blog post earlier in the year. Not wanting to jinx it, I kept quiet about the company that employed me and the job I was hired to do. I’m still not 100% sure about sharing every little detail for fear of ruining it, but I can tell you I now work in the Beer industry.

Well, technically I guess it’s the drinks industry, but I’m mostly working with Breweries. Yup, from TV promos to the hoppy good stuff – quite the change. It’s a brand new industry to me and I’m absolutely loving it. The company I work for is a small(ish) start-up, so my job is a bit of a mixed bag, as is everyone’s, but essentially, I look after our customers, as well as plan and organise all our events and editorial & advertorial content (see Mum, I’m finally putting that PR degree to use).

There is never a dull moment, the company is absolutely amazing, and I literally laugh every single day because I get to work with such awesome people. I have to say, job-wise, this is the happiest I have been in a very long time. It’s bloody hard work and it takes up all my time, but I’m challenged every day, I enjoy what I do, even when it scares me, not to mention I also get to drink A LOT of free beer (oh, I also have a full on beer belly now. sigh).

Homelife & Housemates

Back in May I moved into my new house, sharing it with three random (but very lovely) dudes, with one room left spare. And by mid-June someone very special had filled that room. Drum roll please *tap tap tap tap tap tap* My blogger bestie and workout wife Emma Joy of Lipstcikandtrainers.com has officially moved in with me. Woohoooo!

With Emma’s new PT career on a role and my job pretty much being my new boyfriend, we have completely different schedules. But we’ve still been finding time to train together, and to of course have a couple of drinks and fun times together at least once a week, even if it’s a glass of red at midnight on a Wednesday night after a long day in the office (or gym in Emma’s case).

Because the past four years of my life have either been spent backpacking, or living with my ex in our own flat (or with family), I’d completely forgotten what it’s like to have housemates. I was initially dreading it – so much so that I forked out money I can’t afford for my own teeny tiny private bathroom to avoid the horrified and inevitable moment when I would find someone else’s pube on my bar of soap – but actually, house sharing has been fine. I quite like having people to chat to in the kitchen whilst I cook. And I forgot how nice it is to randomly get drunk with housemates during the week, or watch crappy TV with someone else who also loves crappy TV (ahem, yup I’m referring to Love Island, the best reality TV show ever made, please God ITV2 make a winter series, I’m begging you). And having Emma make the move from Manchester to London and move in with us has just been the icing on the cake.

The Single Life

After a somewhat rocky year, in which it felt like my break-up with my ex was completely dragged out by us both, I’m finally feeling comfortable and happy being single. Okay, maybe ‘comfortable’ and ‘happy’ aren’t the right words, obvs I’d love a beautiful tall man to be my big spoon on Saturday mornings and bring me breakfast in bed, but I don’t have that … and that’s okay. I’m actually used to being single now. It certainly wasn’t easy to get used to, not after being with one person for five whole years, it was painful and lonely and downright tough, but I am used to it now. I’m content. And whilst, yes, I’d love to meet my Prince Charming, and am totally open to the idea of dating and meeting someone, I’m also open to the idea of it just being me, myself and I for a while, and in terms of relationships, possibly even …. forever?

I know that sounds a tad dramatic, but if the last year has taught me anything, it’s that I’m a hell of a lot stronger than I thought I was and that I don’t need a man. I can want one, yes, but I don’t need one. I’ve also realised that, Yes, I do want to have a family one day, BUT I don’t need a husband to have one. Call me crazy, but this is the world we live in now. Just because my five year relationship went down the drain, it doesn’t mean my unfertilized eggs should go down with it. And I’d be stupid to hunt down a man to marry just because society tells me to or because i feel like I’m getting older and that is what everyone else is doing. Life for me right now is of course about having fun, it’s about having adventure, but it’s also about working hard and planning for a future, one that may or not involve a man, but most certainly involves a family.

In other (good) news…

-After a break from Running, I’m back in the swing of things and have just started training for my second marathon, the 2017 Dublin Marathon. Wish me luck!

-As well as applying for the London Marathon earlier this summer, I just applied for the 2018 Tokyo Marathon. Here’s hoping I get a place in at least one of the two *crosses fingers*

-I’m officially signed up to try out The Body Blitz for the next 12 weeks, come follow my progress on instagram, and check out Body Blitz too.

-I’m officially fairy GodMother to my niece & nephew, and together we are the coolest little squad!

And finally, the good news is, I’m back, I’m blogging, and I promise, double promise, with sprinkles on top, to keep blogging to my hearts content. To those who messaged me asking for blog posts or just checking I was okay, Thank you so much, this post is especially dedicated to you lot. Mwah! x

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Past, Present & Future Its so typical of me that I would rebrand my whole blog and then fall radio silent on the bloody thing!