#this one tickled my fancy to the extent that i needed to share it with you all

[jeannemarythefourth]

so my sister is rereading the locked tomb

[broomsick]

Nine unique ways to reconnect with nature

Why nine? Because it's the sacred number of my path. In my experience, for people like us who need a certain amount of spiritual practice in their lives, feeling close to nature does wonders for the mood. And I know this is easier said than done, which is why I wanted to share a few personal tips, all related to some extent to self care. After all, I feel like we underestimate the tight link between mental health and this feeling of “closeness” with the earth.

Find the sacred in plants, or animals you've always been drawn to. How can you explain this particular connection you feel? Your intuition often reveals truth.

Collect what you see, and don't be afraid to hoard trinkets like treasure. Cool rock, cool stick, cute acorn, fragrant flower, fallen branch... Whatever tickles your fancy.

Go out of your way to enjoy what every season has to offer. Garden in the summer, or chill at the park, carve a pumpkin during the autumn, make hot cocoa during the winter... Find ways to be cozy in every weather!

Look out the window. Do it as often as you can. Look at the sky, observe how windy it is, how bright the sun is, how thick the clouds are!

Give names to the natural elements around you. Simply calling a tree, plant or animal by the name of its species does the trick: names are powerful, and they show that you acknowledge the spirit that resides in everything that lives.

Learn the stories, as many as you can. Anything folklore related to your area! Folklore hides a great deal of generational wisdom and beliefs, and it reveals such a powerful connection between the people and the land.

Cook with fresh ingredients. No need to grow your own everything, or raise your own chickens, or adopt other such backyard farming activities. Simply by making meals out of fresh, local products as often as you can, you might feel as one with the land thanks to which you are fed.

Stop feeling silly when indulging in aesthetics. Make that Pinterest board filled with pictures of flowers! Listen to that song that makes you feel like a woodland fairy! Put on that long, flowy skirt, or that cardigan with knit mushrooms on it! Through these seemingly trivial little joys, we may experience a connection with ourselves that's crucial to feeling close to our mother earth.

Use your hands: craft artsy projects if you can, dig your fingers in the earth, and brush the bark of trees! You body is your best tool when it comes to feeling grounded. It's always the part of yourself that's closest to earth. To use it is to honor it, and to care for it is to care for yourself.

If you reside in the Northern hemisphere, have a great spring season! Hail the King of the Elves and the spirits of the land 💛

[certifiedskywalker]

Dating Allison Hargreeves Would Include...

My Dating Diego headcanons did very well so I figured I should make some for the other Hargreeves heart throb. The lovely, the charming, Allison Hargreeves!

You met Vanya (yes I know, wrong sister) at the coffee shop near the orchestra house.

(By the way, let me know if we want something like this for Vanya and the rest of the siblings. I’m already working on a Klaus piece. Thanks friends!)

She stopped in one day, shy as ever, and asked for a tea.

You noted her violin case and started talking about music.

From then on, you became fast friends.

So when Reginald dies, Vanya turns to you for comfort.

“He’s dead.”

“Who?”

“My father.”

She doesn’t seem sad, per say, but you can tell she’s mourning something.

Vanya asks you to come with her to The Umbrella Academy to read the will and such with her siblings.

“Are you sure that you even want to go?”

“No, but...I think I need to.”

So you go with her on the grey skied day to the mansion she grew up in.

You’re in awe of the mansion.

The architecture is breathtaking and the interior is stunning.

“Who knew so much pain could be held in a house so pretty?”

“You don’t even know the extent of it, Y/N.”

But you did.

You helped proofread and edit Vanya’ autobiography, so you knew the Hargreeves.

You knew about the contents of the chapters Vanya had cut from the final copy and the details she spared from touching the light of day.

You knew about Luther’s less than superb leadership.

You knew about Diego’s biting words and Klaus’ pyromaniac tendencies.

You were also familiar with Allison Hargreeve’s innate arrogance.

So when she came down the stairs to greet you and Vayna, hair tumbling over her shoulders as if she were living art, you tried not to be swayed by her beauty.

‘Tried’ is the key word there.

As Vanya and Allison share a rather strange embrace, you have to tear your eyes away and look anywhere but directly at her.

Allison takes notice of you bashfulness, your averted gaze and overall appearance.

She’s never met someone like you before.

Despite being a movie star and having met plenty of actors with plenty of prestige, Allison had never been so shocked when it came to meeting someone as she was with you.

You were stunning to her.

She wanted to know you.

“This is my friend, Y/N. Y/N….this is-”

“Allison,” you say nervously, cutting off Vanya’s introduction.

Vanya gives you a puzzled look, confusion written across her face.

Allison is only smiling.

“It’s nice to meet you,” you add quickly, extending your hand to Allison with as much professionalism you can muster.

“It’s lovely meeting a friend of Vanya’s.”

She says it like she’s never met any of Vanya’s friends before.

It’s because she hasn’t, that and you make her nervous.

Allison has never had to be nervous before.

She always got what she wanted and now what she wanted was a person.

She suddenly regrets not keeping in contact with Vanya.

Allison wished she had met you sooner.

And maybe it’s the way you’re staring at her that makes her believe you wished you could have had the chance to meet her sooner as well.

Thankfully, before either of you can say something stupid, another one of Vanya’s siblings breaks through the awkward tension gathering in the foyer.

“What’s she doing there?”

Judging from the tone and brooding exterior, you surmise the man is Diego.

“Ignore him,” Allison tries to comfort Vanya, but your friend has already withdrawn.

“No, he’s right. We should go.”

“No, stay,” Allison pleads, “I want you to be here.”

She turns her carmel eyes to you and you swear you see stars dancing in the dark pools of her pupils.

“Both of you,” she adds, sending you a smile that makes your knees weak.

Maybe Vanya missed something when she was writing her book.

Allison seemed kind…

...or at least now she was kind.

Perhaps she’s making up for lost time?

“Okay,” Vanya sighs, “we’ll stay. Is that alright with you, Y/N?”

“More than alright.”

“Perfect! Why don’t you two wait in the den and I’ll try to find the others?”

Vanya only nods at her sister and Allison gives her a grin before making her way towards a hall.

Before she leaves, Allison send a wink your way and you’re left in a daze.

“The den is this way,” Vanya says, her voice is enough to pull your attention away from Allison’s retreating figure.

As you explore the room in which Vanya spent her younger years reading and avoiding her family, Allison was thinking of you.

“She seems….nice. More than I expected her to be,” you say to Vanya as she studies the book shelf in the lounge.

“She surprised me too,” Vanya admits, “I guess dad’s death really hit her.”

You only nod as Vanya continues to reflect in her childhood home.

It’s then Pogo comes in, happy to catch up with Vanya as she introduced him to you.

You’re talking about the first time Vanya invited you to see her perform when the rest of the siblings file in.

“Vanya, it’s good to see you,” says Luther who, at least from Vanya’s account from her novel, seemed larger than life.

“It’s good to see you too, Luther,” she greets before who you can only assume Klaus give her a brief hug.

It seemed very touch of affection in the room seemed force.

All glances and words laced with some undercurrent of mutual suffering.

All except the stare Allison had fixed on you.

Sadly, it was rudely interrupted when Luther cleared his throat.

“Vanya do you mind excusing your friend. We have some family business to discuss.”

Vanya is about to protest, Allison already to leap to your defense when you speak up.

“It’s alright,” you say, touching Vanya’s arm, “I need to find the restroom anyway.”

You’re walking towards the door that leads into the foyer when you hear Allison’s soft voice.

“There’s one close to my room. Second level, towards the end of the first hall on your left.”

You look over your shoulder and send her a grateful smile.

You’re out the door seconds later and miss how her lips part in wonder of your tender grin.

Needless to say, due to the large and winding hallways of the Umbrella Academy, you’re lost as soon as you make your way to the second floor.

Your search for the restroom becomes a desperate need for help.

You’ll take anyone as a guide at this rate.

After what felt like fifteen minutes of wandering around and hearing a few shouts from the siblings downstairs, you think you finally have found the right hallway.

Music is filtering in from one of the two doors at the end of the hall, a rather pop-bop tune.

You recognize it as Tiffany’s ‘I Think We’re Alone Now’.

A blast from the past.

You also notice that one of the door, presumably the one that housed the record player the song was sourced from was slightly ajar.

Panic forgotten and sense long lost in the creaking wooden floors of the mansion, you peek inside the crack of the door.

Allison is dancing around her room with a girlish sort of glee.

She flourishes her pink-feather boa, her lips spread in a smile that sparkled like stars.

You’re so swept away in her movements, you accidentally lean against the door enough to poke your head inside the room.

It’s then Allison sees you.

You expect her smile to fade into a frown or for her to scream.

But she doesn’t.

“Fancy a dance, Y/N?”

She extends her hand to you and you find yourself unable to refuse.

The tension builds between you as you move

It’s nearly unbearable

As the song draws to close, you and Allison are a mere centimeters apart with noses almost brushing. 

You can feel her breath on your skin

And Allison can feel her heart hammering in her rib cage.

“You uh...you got some moves,” she breathes, the air tickling your neck slightly.

“Thanks,” you say with a shy smile.

You can’t tell who makes the first move, but you’re sure it was Allison.

Her lips press against yours in a flurry of soft pecks and your hands instantly bury themselves in her bouncing curls. 

Her lips are soft a taste of some sweet fruit that you are too caught up to directly place. 

When Allison pulls away from you, she pulls your bottom lip with her a bit.

The action sends a shock through you that, smiling, Allison picks up on.

“I’m glad Vanya brought you here,” she murmurs.

“Me too,” you replied before kissing her once more. 

(Okay so that’s how you two meet, now we’re gonna get into the cutesy stuff! Get ready for teeth-rotting fluff my friends!)

Being an actress, Allison loves movies so be prepared for movie nights!

Sharing and swapping sweatpants during said movies night and cuddling under a thick blanket.

“What are we feeling tonight, Y/N? Comedy? Horror?”

You normally just let her choose and without fail, she selects a good flick.

“Romance it is!”

If she does choose a horror film, you both end the night clinging to each other.

Allison likes horror movies, for that reason alone.

Often times the movie goes unwatched as you and Allison get too caught up in each other’s touch.

She’ll just start kissing at your neck until your eyes close and bliss, the film long forgotten.

However, if you’re both really into whatever you’re watching, Allison gets all sort so snacks ready.

Popcorn, candies, anything is fair game.

“Are you making brownies?”

“For movie night!”

“I think they might be burning....”

On lazy weekend days, when you’re both not busy or working, you slip on comfy clothes and set the record on to dance around.

Slow dancing to Elton John songs all the time.

Allison will never say it aloud but she loves to watch you move, especially when you think she’s not around.

You both dance goofily when you’re together, but when you’re alone, moving your body to the rhythm....

It drives her wild.

Most times, however, she finds herself longing to hear ‘Tiny Dancer’ come on the record.

It’s your song.

You tuck your head into the crook of her neck and hold each other tight.

It’s your shared, quiet moment.

You good on shopping dates to record stores sometimes to expand your musical horizons.

“What about this Queen record?”

“We already have that album at the house.”

“We?”

It was a slip of the tongue really, so natural that the term fell from your lips like an instinct.

“Yeah, we.”

“I like that,” Allison hums, pressing a swift kiss to your cheek.

Klaus teasing Allison about how she’ll never do better than you.

“You’ll never find someone as honest or kind as Y/N. Granted, the bar is low, knowing you…..”

Going window shopping with Allison only to walk into whatever store and have a little fashion show.

“How do I look?” You ask, sending a shy glance towards Allison.

Her eyes have been on you ever since you walked out of the dressing room, completely in awe of you.

Allison can’t help but stare.

“Fantastic, breathtaking….I don’t have a vocabulary big enough.”

Long story short, you guys end up making out in the dressing room.

Speaking of, you guys totally share all and any clothes possible.

Sweaters, jackets, scarfs, you name it.

“Is that my jacket?”

“Maybe...”

“It looks good on you...too good.”

Watching her do her makeup in the morning.

“You should take a photo. It’ll last longer.”

“But you’re right here, being beautiful.”

“I could say the same for you.”

One drunken night, Allison does your makeup.

You wake up with lipstick smeared all over your face and eyeshadow smudged just about everywhere.

“How do I look?”

“Still as stunning as ever, Y/N.”

However, like every relationship, issues do arise.

Due to the fact she’s never actually tried to be her true self, since her powers allowed for her every whim, she tries to win you over with ‘glitz and glam’ instead of ‘rumoring’ you.

She tries to spoil you.

Expensive clothes for expensive dates.

Expensive gifts to spruce up your place.

You don’t not like the presents but you can tell Allison is giving you her everything because she, herself, is insecure.

That’s when you claim control for one night in particular.

She’s already dressed up, ready to go out because she had reserved a table at some upscale restaurant in the city.

She looks gorgeous, as always, but this time it is different.

When you lay eyes on her now you see her confidence waver when Allison turns to face you.

“Ready to go, babe?”

You only smile and shake your head as you step towards her.

You reach for her hands and intertwine your fingers with hers.

Allison is shocked to say the least and doesn’t know what to make of the silence.

You’ve been together for a bit now and she is suddenly overwhelmed by an irrational fear that she has overstepped some unseen boundary.

“Y/N, don’t you want to-”

“I only want you,” you say, looking into her eyes as you begin to sway to an imagined tune. “I want you, Allison. Not the fancy dates or rich things….you don’t need to compensate. I love you, Allison.”

She’s happy you said those three little words first.

She didn’t have to ‘rumor’ you to hear them.

She didn’t want to.

She never did.

“I love you too.”

After that, you are closer than ever.

So close that you meet Claire.

Allison has her flown out for a week in New York and you spend time together.

You take her to museums and parks.

Allison can only watch with hearts in her eyes are you spend time with her daughter.

“Your mom is the best, you know that right. Not the best cook, but she’s really awesome.”

“Hey, I make a mean grilled cheese.”

One day, while you and Claire are playing a board game that Allison had already lost, she finds a picture that her daughter drew.

It’s in crayon but the figures are unmistakable.

Claire, Allison, and you...

Like a family….

….a family Allison didn’t know she could truly have.

You’re cuddling one night, your head rested atop Allison’s chest and her fingers working through your hair when she brings it up.

“I want a family.”

“What?”

“I want a family with you, Y/N.”

You’ve never heard Allison so dire, so serious before.

You lift your head to meet her gaze a find a light smile on her lips.

“You have one,” you murmur as you sit up and position yourself on her lap.

“You have me, your siblings, Claire,” you’re straddling her now and Allison’s whole focus in on you. “We’re your family. We love you. I love you.”

“I love you.”

You’re kissing then, hands caught in her curls as your lips meld together in a passion you’ve never held for someone before.

Allison makes you feel like you’ve never lived before you met her

And Allison swears she didn’t really know what life was about until she met you.

[loyalflutist]

Back to Back Gifting (F!Byleth x Edelgard)

Challenge: Edeleth Twitter Week (09/29/2019 - 10/05/2019) Day 3: Back to Back

A/N: Might as well make this comical to an extent. It’s a nice little break from writing angst and inflicting pain on either Edelgard or Byleth, lmao. Also, I’m starting to burn out from this challenge, but... this serves as a good creative training to maintaining imagination, improv writing, speedy typing, and, most importantly, being able to share one’s love for the OTP.

----

Gifts are pleasant. Whether it be for a special occasion or a simple act of kindness, a pleasant fuzzy sensation would spread throughout one’s beating heart. The effects would amplify by tenfold if it was geared towards the receiver’s likes. Although there are few exceptions, such as Byleth, who would barely crack anything more than a simple nod or smile, many find it near impossible to shove the giddy reaction to the back burner.

“My teacher…”

Scarlet carnations. Varying flowers bloomed all-year-round, yet this species was one of her favorites. It’s a shame it only grows under rare conditions… The fact that her professor took the time out of her day to handpick this uncommon blossom tickles her fancy. Edelgard held the singular plant close to her chest, her lilac hues sparkling. A tinge of red discoloration occurred on her cheeks as a genuine toothy grin broke out.

“Thank you.”

Byleth returned a smile of her own and, after caressing her girlfriend’s face, pecked her lips.

“Anything for you, El.”

The next day lazily transitioned into their present. At the monastery, for once, Rhea had nothing for the students of Black Eagle. Every month they were given a special operation to attend to thanks to their fearsome authority and raw strength. However, this month’s tasks were handed off to both Hanneman and the Blue Lions. One would expect the students and elder professor to be disgruntled. Fortunately, they showcased the complete opposite, Dimitri valiantly taking charge of their responsibilities.

“I would love to give you some time to relax, Professor,” Dimitri cautiously reeled his wooden lance back. At the training ground, the young prince crouched, beads of sweat crawled down on the side of his face. He moistened his lips, the older female adjusting her offensive posture with the wooden sword. “I think it’s fair that we take turns with these missions.”

It was a blessing in disguise. Were the stars and planets aligned?

“I’m not sure, kiddo, but you should seriously take this opportunity to enjoy yourself.” Jeralt shrugged his shoulders and shook his head after hearing his daughter’s question. Soon, he playfully tapped the back of his hand on Byleth’s head. “Don’t overwork yourself. You should go spend some time with Lady Edelgard.”

And so, she took his advice to heart. Both Dimitri and Jeralt encouraged the teal-haired to recharge for the upcoming month. Besides, the two knew very well that she and Edelgard should spend some private moments with one another. Romance had no place in times of conflict. Everyone knew that. Yet this rare tranquil moment offered repose to their tired and weary souls. The Black Eagles were able to kick back and revert to their childish natures. As for these two, Byleth and Edelgard immediately gobbled up this scarce time for each other.

What better way than to provide another surprise present to Edelgard’s doorstep?

“These are so pretty…”

Scarlet carnations. This time, there was not one, but five of them. A small band neatly clumped the botanical organism as the noble glanced down at the vermillion depths. She brought them up close, gave it a whiff, and beamed. They not only smelled lovely, but they were also as healthy as they could be.

“I must say, I’m surprised you managed to grow these here on monastery’s ground.”

“It takes time and patience.”

Or could it be from luck? Whatever it was, the house leader treasured these scarlet carnations in her bedroom.

Students that shuffled by her opened bedroom would spot the precious flowers resting in a simple vase. It’s a bold proclamation from the future emperor that her professor had bestowed a wonderful gift to her life. Every single time Edelgard returns to her dormitory, she would always leap onto her bed, sink her elbows into the mattress, rest her chin on the palm of her hands, and stare in awe at the carnations. Both of her feet would occasionally tap and bump their toes with each other as she daydreams about her girlfriend.

‘ It would be wonderful if they were a common flower… Though its rarity is a part of its charm. ‘

The days began to crawl onward at a snail-like pace. Lectures were conducted on weekdays, seminars were hosted on the weekends, hobbies were pursued, and bonding activities were played out. However…

“U-Um… Byleth?”

Scarlet carnations… again. And— wait a minute, are there other flowers mixed into the bouquet? Edelgard lowered the carefully wrapped present in her grip, her brows horizontally straightened as she stared at Byleth. Gifting is a pleasant event in one’s life. However, there is such a thing as one too many gifts… and it so just happens to be from the older female. Sweat flew out of the house leader’s head as stars twinkled from Byleth’s direction. The corner of Edelgard’s mouth twitched.

“…thank you for the flowers.”

This was the tenth time Byleth had given her these blossoms. Though they are her favorite, isn’t this an overkill? Other floral species mingled in too. That doubled the overkill. Her shoulders slumped and a resigned sigh slipped out. When her instructor’s features offered subtle hints of puzzlement, Edelgard immediately piped in with a tiny smile.

“I think these are plenty. I hope you do understand that there is only so much room I have for them.”

It appears that her message has been relayed appropriately. The scarlet carnations came no more afterward. Edelgard will miss the one-sided gifting from her older girlfriend… Although it was a joyful time spent, realistically-speaking, this was applying pressure on the receiver’s end.

“Byleth...”

Dear goodness, the flowers stopped coming, but randomized gifts were provided to the girl in its stead. Everything ranging from vital instruments for documentations and a map of Fodlan to obscure items about fishing and leisure activities was thrust to Edelgard. Edelgard was unsure of how to take it all in, especially with a How-To textbook on “making friends with your enemies” she received just now. She gulped and hugged the worn hardcopy.

“Byleth, I think these gifts are fabulous, but you know I don’t need most of them.”

“?”

“I’m being serious.”

“…”

Disappointment scrawled all over Byleth’s facial features. Perhaps it was too much of an overkill… Gifting is an act of making another person happy. She had done so with other students, but perhaps even more so with her girlfriend. What the socially awkward woman had forgotten was the importance of gifting. Having it done every single day for the past 20 days might have led her action with a negative connotation. There was also the hassle Edelgard had to bear too. Right now, her bedroom is cluttered. Claude would always loudly whistle whenever he peeked into her opened room.

“Never knew you were such a hoarder, Edelgard.”

“I am not!”

“You sure about that?”

“Ugh, Claude, just get out of here.”

The growth of her clutter came to a complete stop after she spoke to her professor. Days began to tick by as the gifts that once occurred on a daily basis cease to exist. Edelgard rolled on her mattress, her fingers scrunching the vermillion blanket within her grasp upon stopping on her side. She narrowed her eyes. It would be a lie to say that she did not miss Byleth’s frequent presents. Edelgard never had anyone reward nor selflessly provide a gift in her entire life. When they did, it was because of a birthday celebration. Nothing more, nothing less. Byleth was the first one to break that mold.

“Um… I hope you like it.”

Another gift. This time, Byleth imparted a teddy bear to the young lady. The stuffed animal was large enough to comfortable hug without sacrificing quality. Byleth shifted her feet as she murmured,

“I made it myself.”

Edelgard examined the creature. She tilted her head, stared at it some more, and twinkled.

“This is well-made. It reminds me of you.”

Then, she pressed her lips on the tip of the bear’s nose. Byleth’s face became as red as a beet from witnessing the intimate action. Her girlfriend mentioned that the stuffed animal reminded her of Byleth… What was that supposed to mean?

Whatever it was, Byleth was at least grateful that her gift went through. The sight of Edelgard’s cheery disposition was contagious; it would even infect members from the other houses. This viral infection came to attach itself to the professor too. She began to tear down her emotional stunted growth and let its wings fly for freedom of expression after spending the majority of her spare time with the Adrestian Empire’s princess. (Sothis seems pleased with the progression.)

Byleth reached over to rub Edelgard’s head. The white-haired immediately caved into the warmth and nuzzled as if she were a cat. This made Byleth chuckle.

“Since we’re almost at the end of the month, I think you have room for one more present.”

“?”

The plushie dropped to the ground. Edelgard’s eyes nearly boggled out of its sockets when her teacher retracted her hand and began to strip her armor. Granted, they were inside the noble’s dormitory. There was no one out in the hallway nor was anyone planning to return back to this second floor for a long while. When the student rushed to slam the door shut, Byleth had begun to peel off her tights. Redness boiled over Edelgard’s face as she tried to form a coherent sentence.

“W-What do you think you’re doing?!”

“I’ve saved the best present for you.”

To make her point even more obvious, Byleth pointed at herself. This caused a mini-mushroom explosion to implode over Edelgard’s head.

“#$*%&#$@!!!”

The back-to-back gifting had not prepared her for the rest of today. Byleth was always so unpredictable... Not that she minded, of course.

[aliofvalhalla]

I’ll Come Back To You

For the prompt, "Promise me you'll come back...I need you to promise me." 

"Gaaaaabe!"

The high-pitched, breathy sound left your lips between giggles as you struggled against his onslaught. Gabriel's hilarious idea to tickle you awake this morning had turned into both of you becoming a limb-tangled, writhing mess atop his bed.

"Stop it! Gabe! O-okay, OKAY. I'm awake...you WIN!"

You made a squeak you were previously unaware you were capable of as he continued to tickle your sides, hovering above you. You were trying to be serious now, to get him to actually stop, but you couldn't prevent the laughter flowing now, as tears rolled down the apples of your cheeks. Even after two years of being with you, Gabriel still could never help the huge grin that graced his face whenever you failed to contain your laughter. He loved that sound more than any other.

His hands finally slowed their assault and came to rest lightly on your waist as he settled his face against your neck and mumbled.

"I'm sorry, mi vida. I couldn't resist."

He lifted is head to admire your blush ridden face and returned the soft smile you offered him.

"I think I can forgive you just this once, handsome." After a beat of silence staring into each other's eyes, you spoke again. "We should probably get up, I know you've got a meeting today."

Gabriel sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically as he began to untangle himself from you. He did indeed have a meeting today. A boring, Morrison-lead meeting full of plans and procedures he'd probably already heard about ten thousand times, but as the commander of Blackwatch he had to attend. Which meant that no matter how much he would adore spending a lazy day with you, he had to get up and get dressed.

"I wish I didn't, mi vida."

"I know."

Gabriel leaned down from his standing position by the bed to give you a soft and meaningful kiss on the lips before heading to the bathroom to shower. As he walked away you could see the tension in his muscles, the way he somewhat dragged his feet now, the slight hunch is his back that would likely go unnoticed by others...but not you. You knew the weight he was feeling.

The strain between he and Jack had, to some extent, settled down since Ana disappeared. It had been fiery and tense, but in their shared mourning, it calmed...briefly. Now, however, tensions were on the rise again and you knew he was stressed over the strike commander, the UN, Blackwatch's future. What you wouldn't do to hold him close all day and tell him everything would be alright, but you couldn't. It was his job. Holding him back from that would only make things worse between your boyfriend and his former friend. So, he'd go and 'do his duty' as a commander and when he returned you'd be there for him...just like you always were.

You heard the shower turn off as you got up to prepare for your day. Gabriel re-entered the room wearing just a towel and that signature toothy smile he had for you no matter how he was feeling.

"It's about time you made a move. Morrison hates a lazy agent."

"Yeah well, If he's in a meeting with you, how will he know I was a bit late to training?"

He padded his way over to where you were standing in a pile of discarded clothes by his bed and slowly wrapped his arms around you to pull you flush to his chest. You smiled as he looked down at you to place a feather-light kiss on the tip of your nose. You flinched as a rogue water droplet left his hair and found your cheek. Gabriel stifled a chuckle.

"Maybe I'll tell him...tell him you need stricter schedules...need to move to Blackwatch...under my command..."

He punctuated each statement with a kiss starting at your jaw and heading down your neck.

"Oh, really?" You lifted his head with a finger under his chin to smirk at him before giving him a deep, warm kiss on his big, soft lips. "Just get dressed."

You turned to pick up your Overwatch hoodie from the floor behind you and jumped a little when you felt Gabriel give your butt a playful slap. You turned to glare at him, but he was already walking away towards his closet.

The rest of your day went as it normally did. As an agent recently out of recruitment, you didn't know too many of the 'higher-ups' or 'veterans' as they were known to recruits, but Lena had become a friend to you pretty quickly. She'd train with you, eat with you in the canteen, hangout with you in the rec room. She was cool...you liked Lena. Today was a Lena day. After training and other work, you walked with her back to her room.

"D'ya fancy binge watching that show we were talking about?"

You could tell she was eager, but you knew Gabe would likely be in a bad mood after his day of stressful meetings, phone calls and paperwork. So, you opted to be there for him...just like you always were.

"Maybe some other time? I'm just really tired. Training with you today really took it out of me." You chuckled.

"Sure, some other time, then! Goodnight!"

The excitable brunette hugged you goodbye and left you alone in the long corridor. You turned left and made your way towards Gabriel's room. Once outside his door, you knocked gingerly awaiting his reply.

"Who is it?"

His voice was lower than usual and you knew that meant you were right...he was in a bad mood.

"It's me. Can I come in, handsome?"

You hoped the nickname and cheery tone would make him feel a little better...maybe.

You heard shuffling and footsteps made their way towards the door before it opened. Gabriel didn't look mad or frustrated as he usually did after a day with Jack Morrison...he looked sad. Defeated. That worried you. He pulled you in for a hug and closed the door, seemingly in one swift motion.

"Gabe? What's wrong, honey?"

You spoke as softly as you could, although the worry so evidently seeped into your words like water to a sponge. His beard prickled your cheek as he lifted his head from your shoulder to look you in the eye with his bloodshot ones. Had he been crying? Or was he just really tired? Before you could ask him ,he spoke...just as softly as you had done previously.

"It's bad..." a pause, "It's really bad, mi vida."

"What do you mean?"

"All of this. It's all fucked."

Worry and anxiety flooded your brain and you wanted to yell at him to just get it out, but you needed to allow him the time to tell you whatever it was he wanted to say. You hated seeing him like this. You waited.

He looked towards the floor and seemed to be thinking about how to formulate a coherent sentence. Then he gently took your arm and lead you to his bed where he lay, spread out his left arm and looked up at you with the warmest, sweetest, brown eyes. You accepted his invitation and snuggled into his side. the arm that invited you, snaked around your shoulders and played with your hair whilst the other found one of yours and intertwined your fingers. It was peaceful for a moment. Just silence. Until, it seemed, Gabriel found the courage to break it.

"The UN is investigating Overwatch." He blurted out. "They want us to visit the Swiss HQ."

"Why do you have to go to Switzerland?"

"I don't exactly know, hermosa. Morrison and I are headed out there next week. I suppose it's to give us an opportunity to dispel the 'accusations and allegations' against us."

He let go of your hand to enclose those two words in quotation marks, before quickly returning it to its locked position with yours.

You knew he didn't want to go. He didn't want any of this to be happening at all (that was one thing he and Morrison could still agree on). But it was happening and he had to go. You didn't rightly know how to respond. You snuggled closer into his warm embrace and sighed.

"It'll be alright, Gabe."

"Will it?"

That question and the tone with which he asked it made your heart twitch in your chest. You so wanted it to be true, but the truth was, you didn't know what this meant for Blackwatch or Overwatch...or your relationship.

"I'll be here for you no matter what...just like I always am."

You smiled up at him, a gesture he returned before kissing you lightly on your temple.

"Well, then I know it'll be alright."

You knew there were different ways you could've handled it, different things you could've said. You knew he was still confused, frightened, sad. You hated that there was nothing else you could do to change that. But you got him to smile, even just for a second, and that made you feel happier.  

-------------------------------------

The week seemed to drag and with every passing day, a seemingly misplaced feeling of dread grew inside of you. Gabriel had been on risky missions taking out terrorists and dangerous criminals; risking his life. Why did you feel so apprehensive about him going to Switzerland? It was so weird to you, but the lingering tension in the air made you uneasy.

Everyone was in low spirits, people were beginning to give up already. Many of the agents you'd gone through recruitment with had left the organisation. People you knew had worked their asses off to be here. They'd left because they were scared for the future. Even a few veteran agents had gone off to do their own thing, unsure of what would happen to them if Overwatch was shut down by the UN. But you were still here. You were here bright and early with Gabe, in front of a dropship set for Switzerland. He kissed your forehead for what seemed like the thousandth time today and followed it up with a gentle peck on your nose.

"Gabe! You need to get on the ship!" You giggled.

He laughed lightly, "I know, hermosa. But I also NEED to kiss you goodbye."

Your giggle continued as his kisses were planted all over your face.

"Alright! Alright!"

He stopped to look at your smiling face and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear as he stared. Your eyes found the floor as you bit your bottom lip lightly.

"I love you." He almost whispered, ducking his head slightly as to catch your eyes again.

"And I love you." You said, returning to the glossy gaze of his deep, chocolate eyes.

That's when you caught something in them. Something strange, sad...knowing. You tilted your head at him and frowned.

"Is everything okay, handsome?"

He snorted, "Of course it's not, I'm leaving my baby for a whole week or more for another country!"

You couldn't quite pin point what it was, but you had confidence he'd be okay. He had to go.

"Reyes! We need to leave! Our arrival is scheduled for 800 hours. Get moving!"

Jack Morrison's voice was never one Gabriel enjoyed hearing, especially when he was trying to be romantic. He rolled his eyes, held your face between his hands and gave you one last deep kiss on the lips before letting go and turning towards the ship with a final whispered, 'I love you'.

Before he was too far away, you called his name. He turned back with a small smile. You don't know why you said it, or where the thought even came from, but...

"Promise me you'll come back...I need you to promise me."

Gabriel gave you that special toothy smile that you knew and loved and as his fingers made a cross over his heart, he shouted back.

"Mi vida, I promise I'll come back to you."

He blew you a kiss and threw his arms open dramatically walking backwards towards his gear. You laughed. A real laugh, straight from your gut as you 'caught' the kiss.

When the heel of his boot hit his gear, he turned around to pick it up and carry it onto the dropship. Just before the doors closed he smiled the most genuine smile at you as you gave him a little wave. Then he was gone.

-------------------------------------

For weeks after the explosion you'd closed yourself off from everything and everyone. Lena had tried her best to get you to leave your small apartment and go to lunch with her or hang out with her or at least do something. You always refused. Always said you needed to be alone. You'd hardly eaten since the fall, hardly slept either. That was the hardest thing...sleeping. It was a strange feeling being in a bed that was yours and not his. A bed in an apartment that he'd never been in. You'd sometimes fall asleep on the couch to the soundtrack of a TV show you were never even watching, but that short sleep was always interrupted by his face. He'd be smiling, at first, that smile. But then he'd be crying, yelling, screaming your name and you couldn't get to him no matter how hard you tried. He was always too far away.

You didn't go to the memorial service they held for them. What was the point? To hear some UN official talk about how much of a true hero Jack Morrison was and how 'Commander Reyes was brave too'? No. There was no point. You didn't need people you barely knew pitying you either. Pretending they were 'sorry for your loss' when they couldn't even begin to understand what you'd lost. Instead you stayed home and stared blankly at a TV screen where some random woman rambled about her favourite cheese to use when making homemade pizza rolls.

There was nothing left for you anymore. No family. No Overwatch. No Gabe. You weren't even allowed pets in this apartment.

So you carried on. Carried on just...being.

-------------------------------------

Years later...

There you were. Just how he remembered you. Just as sweet and beautiful.

A black sweeping mist swirled its way around him and the tree he sought the cover of shadow under. He peered at your shivering body as you closed the door after re-entering the nice, homely cottage you lived in. He wanted nothing more than to make you feel warm again.

You laughed as you watched your puppy run around like crazy as you returned to the cosy front room of your house. The fireplace was roaring and provided a welcoming change to the frosty, snow covered world beyond the window. You'd only gone outside for a minute to take out the trash, but he acted like you'd been gone for a whole week. He was cute though.

You curled up on the sofa and patted your knee. The fluffy little dog bounded its way into your lap and snuggled against tummy. You stroked his head as you flicked through hundreds of TV channels which seemingly showed nothing new.

He smiled sadly beneath his bone white mask as you stopped on his favourite movie and settled in to watch it. He knew you hated that movie.

He stood there admiring every little detail of you. He stood there for hours. He stood there through the whole movie, into the start of the next one, and whilst you and your puppy fell asleep.

You were there...just like you always were.

He knew you didn't know he was there too, but he came back to you like he'd promised.

He came back.

[themisanthropiclycanthrope]

about your christmas thing: i have this image in my head of harry and merlin sitting cuddled up on their couch, harry in an ugly christmas sweater, merlin in a santa hat, watching the doctor who special

Man, I wish I was better at art - this is just begging to be illustrated! Alas, I am not, so I’ve stuck with writing some words…

So here’s fluffy, festive, domestic Merlahad (:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

[Also on AO3]

It was just typical of Galahad todisappear when there was clean up to be done. But on this occasion, as Merlinloaded the dishwasher and sorted the leftovers to be saved, he decided to letHarry off. He had, after all, done all the preparation and cooking and providedthem with a wonderful Christmas dinner.

It wasn’t long, however, before Merlinheard the soft pad of footfalls as Harry returned, and moments later a pair ofarms slid around his waist from behind and lips were pressed to his neck in asoft kiss. Merlin sank back into Harry’s embrace, his hands coming up to claspHarry’s only to pause in bewilderment.

Harry’s arms were clad in thick, brightlycoloured wool, the oversized knitted sleeves descending past his wrists, somekind of zigzag pattern adorning their lengths.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” Merlinturned in the circle of Harry’s arms, stepping back a little to see him better.

Harry spread his arms to showcase themonstrosity properly, smiling proudly. “What do you think?”

Merlin wasn’t sure how to respond to that.Harry had found what was quite possibly the ugliest Christmas jumper he hadever seen, all clashing, gaudy colours and blocky festive motifs. And thoselong sleeves.

“You look ridiculous,” he eventuallydecided, a fair assessment if ever there was one.

Harry’s grin only widened, possibly becausehe had noticed the smile twitching at the corner of Merlin’s own mouth. WhileHarry certainly cut a dashing figure dressed in a bespoke suit, there wassomething about seeing him in casual clothes—and absurd ones at that—thatMerlin found endearingly irresistible, a treat that few people were permittedto experience. 

Shaking his head in fond exasperation,Merlin leaned in for a kiss, partly as a distraction technique, but mostlybecause he just couldn’t resist. He broke away abruptly, however, when Harrytried to slip something onto his head.

“I’m not wearing that!” He backed up, outof arm’s reach, glaring at the offending object in Harry’s hand.

Harry pouted. Actually fucking pouted.“Please?”

“No.”

“If you wear it, I’ll go and fetch you adrink.”

Merlin was not going to be so easilyswayed. “No.”

“The single malt?”

“No.”

Harry produced his ace. “And let you watchDoctor Who.” 

“Fine,” Merlin growled, defeated. “Give ithere.”

Delighted, Harry ignored Merlin’soutstretched hand and placed the Santa hat atop Merlin’s head himself,oblivious to the scowl he was receiving. The white fur trim tickled Merlin’sears and did nothing to endear him to his new headwear.

“Perfect,” Harry proclaimed, his handsframing Merlin’s face, thumbs gently brushing across his cheekbones, eye softand warm. Merlin had never been quite sure what to do with compliments he didn’tbelieve he warranted, so he playfully batted at Harry, shooing him from thekitchen.

“Away with you.”

Expertly evading Merlin’s attempts to getrid of him, Harry swept in for a kiss—intended or not, his lips found Merlin’snose—before he finally left with a victorious strut.

Daft sod.

“So what do you think of the new Doctor?”The credits were coming to a close but Harry didn’t move, perfectly happy toremain right where he was, nestled into Merlin’s side on the sofa. Merlin hadno complaints.

“On first impressions, I think she’ll begreat.” Merlin appreciated Harry taking an interest even though he only everwatched because he knew how much Merlin enjoyed sci-fi. He’d even kept hispromise and refrained from interrupting as he was wont to do.

Now, he nodded in agreement, silent as hemulled over his own thoughts on the subject. “I was rather hoping they’d bringback David Tennant.”

“Only because you fancy him.”

“Hmn.” Harry didn’t deny it, and Merlinresigned himself to whatever teasing he was about to suffer. “It must be theaccent.”

“You know he dropped his accent for Who?”

“Oh?” Harry knew that; Merlin vividlyrecalled having mentioned it as a point of interest when Peter Capaldi had beencast in the role. Perhaps he’d forgotten, or not really taken it in, but Merlinknew better than to give Harry Hart the benefit of the doubt. His air ofinnocence wasn’t to be trusted. “Then I must be thinking of that otherprogramme he did.”

Merlin snorted. “Sure you are.”

“Well, you’re one to talk,” Harryprotested, poking Merlin in the stomach. “I know you’re harbouring a secret crushon Daniel Craig.” 

“I am not!”

Harry was smiling, infuriatingly satisfiedwith himself. “I saw your jaw drop when he came out of the water in CasinoRoyale.”

Thank Christ Merlin wasn’t prone toblushing. Still, he refused to look at Harry’s smug face.

“Perhaps he reminds you of someone?” Harrycontinued, thoughtful. “Another ruggedly handsome super-spy extraordinaire?”

“If by that you mean a reckless idiot whothrows himself into peril at every available opportunity, then yes.”

The pout was back, but this time Merlinrelented immediately, before Harry could begin a true sulk. “And who is alsoincredibly handsome,” he conceded.

Harry still didn’t look quite appeased,eyeing Merlin with open scepticism. “Me or Craig?”

It was impossible not to laugh, so Merlindidn’t even attempt to resist. “You, you soft git,” he confirmed, and draggedHarry back to him.

Harry settled back into place againstMerlin, offering up no protest when Merlin’s fingers found their way into hishair, carding through the loose curls that, for once, he hadn’t bothered totame.

Merlin loved these moments, when there wasnothing making demands on their time and expertise, no life-or-death situationsfraught with tension, nothing more pressing than canine Hamish’s need for awalk, and he was free to just enjoy Harry’s company, relish in the warm weightpressed to him, and marvel that they were here at all. 

That they both knew not to take it forgranted made it all the more precious. 

He was allowed to savour the quiet alittle while longer before Harry, clearly having stayed still long enough,shifted a little to prop his chin on Merlin’s shoulder, gazing at him inhopeful appeal. “May I open my present now?”

“What makes you think I’ve got you apresent?”

“Because I’ve been a good boy?”

Harry’s doleful expression was soaccomplished it might have affected a lesser man. Or one lacking Merlin’sthirty-odd years’ acquaintance with him and his idiosyncrasies. Merlin,however, merely raised an eyebrow. “That’s debatable.”

Harry slapped a hand to his heart,affecting a wounded air. Merlin rolled his eyes, wondering just what it wasabout the holidays that turned Harry into such a child. 

With a put-upon sigh, Merlin gave in,cutting short the dramatics before they got out of hand. He dislodged Harry sohe could haul himself up and fetch the gift he’d hidden away in a secret spotweeks ago. He was fairly certain Harry had already sniffed it out, but it didn’treally matter. A material present could never convey the full extent of hisaffection, nor hold the significance of the myriad memories that bound themtogether.

The true gift was the life they shared, and that was something for whichMerlin would be eternally grateful.

[lnicol1990]

Defining Moments - Chapter 12

A day late again. Sorry about that.

Well, this is the last chapter that I’ve already finished. Not sure when the next one will be finished, but I’ll try and keep to Tuesdays for releasing any future chapters (which I know will annoy me if I finish one on a Wednesday, but I will put my foot down on this).

Well, enjoy!

Raktuber, Year 169, Fifth Age

MacSeumas – aged no one’s business

“Move yer feet!” MacSeumas called across the Varrock training ground. He glared at the recruits before him, but was not resentful to them. He knew they weren’t to blame for his predicament. “Grip the hilt firmly, and keep the pointy end away from ye!”

It had been a month since the ordeal at the River Salve, and Edward MacSeumas had come back to a hero’s welcome and a promotion. That had sounded quite fancy to the man, right up until he was told what he’d been promoted to: drill sergeant. He was to be taken off the streets to teach boys how to wipe their noses and hold a sword.

Some promotion.

“Keep yer sword up, before someone takes ye head off!”

It had been fun traipsing around Morytania with the lad, Thomas Leye, and the priest, Alistair Fletcher. They’d worked cohesively together without issue, never getting in each other’s way and setting up opponents for another to take the finishing blow. In almost thirty years as a guard, he’d never been that connected with any of his partners.

The work itself had also been interesting. Cures for vampyrism, fighting wyrds, even working with the legendary Icyene Queen, Saradomin bless him. Seeing the deplorable state of Meiyerditch had brought some perspective to his work in Misthalin, where the worst he’d had to deal with had been looters and bandits after the Siege of Falador. He still remembered one sod that had managed to reach Edgeville before being stopped, though the man’s loot was never recovered.

His side ached at the thought of that one, so he pushed it away.

“Yer supposed to be attacking something, not tickling it! Harder!”

Despite the perils they'd faced, MacSeumas found himself sorely missing the duo's company. With Thom remaining in Morytania to help ease the transition of leadership and Fletcher returning to Edgeville, he found himself obligated by oath to return and serve his King, and it quickly felt more like a punishment than reward.

“Yer got a shield for a reason! Use the bloody thing!” he yelled at a particular recruit who was lagging behind his peers. When the boy stood there, staring at him in confusion, MacSeumas covered his face with his hands and muttered quietly to himself. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“Live long enough to consider retiring?” a voice offered cheekily.

The sergeant spun on the impudent voice, far too young to be giving him such an answer, and found himself staring at Thomas Leye. The adventurer was clean of grime and wearing fresh clothes, the ones from Morytania probably unsalvageable and burned. The bandages had been removed from the lad’s head and MacSeumas could see the full extent of his injuries. Three long gashes ran down the left side of his face and his eye was scarred and milky.

And he was smiling, smugly at that.

“Thought I’d find you on the streets, rather than up here,” Thom noted conversationally.

“After much consideration from the king, it was decided that my years of service and my work beyond the call of duty in Morytania would make me the most experienced guard in all of Varrock, and I should pass my Skills onto the next generation of guards,” he recited. When Thom raised an eyebrow sceptically, he huffed in agitation. “Someone decided I’d been a guard long enough and I had play wet-nurse to these lads who don’t even know the right end of a sword.”

“Well it can’t be-”

“Stop dancing around and hit him!” he yelled at a recruit, interrupting Thom. He turned back to the lad who was staring at the recruits. “Sorry, ye were saying?”

“Never mind,” Thom shook his head before turning back to the sergeant. “Want to get out of here?”

“I’m training these lads ‘til sundown… if they last that long,” he shrugged. “After that, I can meet up with ye for a pint in the Blue Moon, if yer still here, of course. I know adventurers like yerself don’t often stay in one place for too long.”

“No, I didn’t mean going for pint, although I’m up for that later. I meant quitting this sorry excuse for a promotion and joining me on the road,” the lad clarified. He shrugged when MacSeumas frowned at him in confusion. “Spending so long with Myreque has me used to teamwork, so I was thinking of building a company to tour Gielinor with. We worked well together, and you seem pretty fed up here. So, did you want to come with me? I could do with someone like you watching my left for me.”

MacSeumas turned back the recruits and was silent for a moment, thinking his options through. He was miserable training the recruits, and missed the action of the streets and Morytania. But, did that mean that he wanted to quit the guards and go gallivanting around the continent with a man he’d only known for a few days?

His thoughts came to a halt when one of the recruits screamed and collapsed to the ground. Sparing a glance to Thom, he ran to the fallen lad, who already had a group of his peers crowding around him. As the crowd parted for their drill sergeant, MacSeumas rolled the lad over to face him, who stilled immediately, and patted him down for injuries.

Nothing. Not a scratch.

Confused, he turned to the lad’s opponent. The recruit flinched under his gaze but stepped forward. The idiot hadn’t even sheathed his weapon, he noticed.

“I-I think I swung too high, sir,” the recruit stammered. “He raised his shield but I hit it too hard and it hit him in the helmet.”

MacSeumas stared dumbfounded between the two recruits for a moment before shoving the fallen lad off him and standing up. Without a word, he walked through the gathered crowd and back to where Thom was still standing, clearly interested in the events but not wanting to interfere.

“I’ll meet ye in the Blue Moon in a half hour,” MacSeumas stated, aware that he was all but ordering the young adventurer. He looked towards the Palace and carried on walking. “I’ve got to talk to Captain Rovin about my resignation.”

---***---

It was over an hour later when MacSeumas walked into the Inn, wearing his steel plate armour and a duffle bag, containing all his possessions, over his shoulder. He paused at the door, skimming his eyes over everyone in the room, and for a moment felt very unsure of himself.

He knew he was a half hour late arriving. Had Thom decided that he wasn’t coming and moved on? Did adventurers really hate staying in one place that much?

A sudden wave of a hand from a corner table drew his attention and he walked over to join Thom. He noticed that this table was marginally quieter than the others, which would make drawing up the contract easier. He was pleased to realise that a mug of the Blue Moon’s finest ale was sitting there, untouched, waiting for him…

And the young lad had a half-drunk pint of fruit juice.

“That was a long half hour,” Thom mentioned casually as he took a swig of juice. He returned the glass to its beer mat and unrolled a piece of parchment that had been set on the table. “I took the opportunity to write up a draft contract, I hope you don’t mind.”

MacSeumas stared blankly at the parchment for a moment before sitting beside the mug of ale and reaching out for the parchment. He took a large mouthful of the lukewarm beer and began reading the contract. He immediately noticed the scruffiness of the letters, the basic letter forms that would have shamed a priest, but were impressive to see from a random adventurer. And, while the sentences were simple and easy to read, he didn’t complain: his reading ability was only a little better than the contract and had always needed a scribe for his reports.

He finally turned his attention to the contract’s details. It promised an equal share of loot and bounty, all funeral rites to be assured in accordance to the signee’s beliefs, and their earthly belongings and final earnings to be given to a stated next of kin. It was a simple contract, but he couldn’t see any issue with it.

“Is there a contract length?” he asked, helping himself to more beer. When Thom frowned in confusion, he shrugged. “In the guard, ye weren’t allowed to quit until after five years.”

“What a stupid idea,” the lad stated with a snort. He shook his head. “No, nothing like that. If you want out, you just have to scratch your name out.”

“Well, it looks fine to me, lad,” MacSeumas nodded approvingly.

“The penmanship doesn’t bother you?” Thom asked curiously. “It’s been a few years since I practiced.”

“Lad, you can write,” MacSeumas noted flatly. “That means you far exceed my abilities. The best I can do is write me mark. Which I’m about to do, by the way. Pass me that quill there.”

Thom stared at him for a moment, clearly not expecting him to agree to the contract so quickly. Then, with a stunned smile, he passed the quill and ink over and tilted his head in curiosity as the ex-guard wrote his name. When the parchment was returned, he took his time to read the name as the ink dried, and he frowned in confusion.

“Mac-sew-mas?” Thom read aloud, he frown deepening as he turned to MacSeumas, who chuckled in response.

“It’s Mac-hay-muss, lad; the S is silent,” he explained, still chuckling as he finished off his pint. He sighed contentedly as he lowered his mug and waved to the barman. “Can I get ye a real pint, lad?”

“I don’t drink.”

“Then, I’ll drink it for ye.”

[cooplagoop]

My Hero Academia chapter 1 to 7 review

When the anime adaptation was announced, I decided to check out the manga in order to avoid the infamous “The manga is better!” line. When I first read the first volume, I dropped MHA. By the time the tournament arc was coming to a close in the anime, I had almost forgotten why I despised the first volume. So, I started to read about the Internship arc due to the temptation of the heroes losing. I also decided to attempt a revaluation of the first volume in order to see why exactly did it suck.

Colour me surprised! Something tickled my fancy!

I consider All Might to be an interesting character. In chapter 1 he came off as cynical jerk when he told Deku he couldn’t be a hero since not 20 seconds before he did he had said that he lies to himself on a regular basis. Once he starts training Izuku for UA’s entrance exam, we see that he’s really just a bitter old man, who doesn’t like the new generation of heroes due to their obsession with fame & money. All Might is an interesting spin of the classical goody two shoes hero, who most have seen in some incarnation. Despite being capable enough to lower the crime rate marginally, he can’t change other pro heroes to view their jobs as honors like him, instead of jobs or a means to an end.

Another positive would be the weaknesses our mentor-student duo have. All Might can use his quirk for only 3 hours a day due to a severe injury. Meanwhile, Deku can’t control his new quirk because he used to be quirkless. The assigned limitations are more than welcome as One for All is a very overpowered quirk. Of course, when Deku learned how to activated One for All only in his finger from a metaphor about an egg in a microwave, a shift to the other spectrum of my review is needed.

What grinds my gears:

At the center of MHA’s downsides is Deku quite literally. The narrative superglues itself to Deku to the point that only characters who happen to be around Deku will get screen time. For an example lets use All Might, Ida and Bakugo. The greatest similarity they share is that they didn’t acknowledge Deku at first. After Deku tried to save someone their opinion of Deku changed for the better. Despite the significant affect Deku’s act of kindness had on these characters, none of these characters got the screen time they needed in order to reestablish themselves as better people. I’ll exemplify them in the order of least blatant to most blatant. 1st°: All Might doesn’t know what to do. -Deku tries to save Bakugo- -All Might starts acting more like a hero- -All Might tells Deku he can become a hero & starts training him- Instead of focusing on what the encounter with the Sludge villain meant for All Might, as he intended to make Deku his successor due to this battle alone, we are stuck with Deku or future!Deku (I will never understand this.) narrating the events that took place after the Sludge villain was defeated. Aforementioned narration is 100% insight free for all characters except Deku, which doesn’t help solidify Deku as a worthy successor when All Might was searching for 5 years with no results to speak of. 2nd°: Bakugo is controlled by the Sludge villain. -Deku saves him- -Bakugo doesn’t bully Deku like he used to (he’s more bark than bite)- Will he get more screen time? Will we see what he thinks of Deku after he saved him? Why did he mellow down a bit? How did he score so many point in the entrance exam? Why is he so good at fighting? What kind of training did he do before the entrance exam? Why is he the deuteragonist if all of my previous questions were not answered? 3rd°: Ida ran away from the giant robot -Deku rescues Uraraka from the robot- -Ida starts to question if he would do the same thing Deku did- -before Ida can finish his sentence we cut to Deku- This one was so in your face that right there was when I noticed how narrow MHA’s narrative really is. 

What’s the deal with Deku?

The issue I have with Deku is not his personality, but how the narrative treats him. Like I mentioned before Deku hogs the spotlight from other character as if he is the most interesting character to have graced us. When in actuality he is the bare bones protagonist type, whose purpose is to emphasize the complexity of the characters around him. Deku like 95% of protagonists is restricted in the personality traits he has (there’s something about him being a nerd, but when plot stuff is going on he turns into a virtuous hero with no flaws (I think the nerd aspect of his “personality” was added in for pandering)). The worst part is that MHA does use Deku for initiating character development...until the spotlight comes back to Deku & I’m left in the dark about what these characters went through or are still going through in their next scene. What I mean is that it’s teasing me about potentially amazing character writing & then it doesn’t deliver on any of it.

The main reason, which caused me to drop MHA in the first place, was the great obsession MHA has with quirks. I swear that even All for One (the man whose bread & butter is stealing quirks) talks less about quirks than Deku or any other random character in MHA. You could say MHA was addicted to the concept of quirks. I’m not joking here. This addiction was so intense that MHA was no longer about a quirkless boy, who wants to be a hero in a world where the quirkless are looked down upon. It became about a kid with an OP superpower trying to not kill himself with it, while going to the most prestigious hero school in Japan. I don’t understand why they did this. The first page says “Not all men are born equal.”. So, wasn’t MHA trying to prove this first line wrong? Everybody in MHA thinks that quirkless people can’t be heroes, no matter how nice or horrid they are as people (All Might, Midoriya’s mom, Midoriya’s junior high teachers, Bakugo). I know that Deku got his superpower through worthiness unlike everybody else, who got theirs by chance, but what were the chances that All Might’s quirk was transferable? What were the odds that All Might would meet Deku? What were the odds of Deku being the one to walk pass the Sludge villain while going home? What were the chances that All Might didn’t find somebody else to be his apprentice before he met Deku? By this logic Deku also got his quirk through luck. Not to mention that the whole “Deku is worthy” shtick isn’t done that well like I said in 1st°. Furthermore, Deku having a quirk contradicts the moral MHA started out with. “You can be a hero without a quirk.” changed to “You can be a hero if you have a quirk.”. When I first read MHA, I expected it to have a theme of discrimination like the X-men and that was MHA’s main theme. After you-know-what happened the quirkless were unceremoniously shoved into the background. A quirkless hero? No, it doesn’t exsist. Surely our righteous protagonist wouldn’t simply accept One for All without questioning if it’s the right thing to do due to the horrible experiences he had while quirkless? He accepts it. No questions were asked. Maybe we’ll see more quirkless people since every 5th person in the world is quirkless? Check the MHA wiki for the list of quirkless characters. If I’m being frank, this shift in moral is simply rotten to the core. Until I read MHA I thought I knew hypocrisy, but MHA is a level I believed to be an exaggeration.

This post is still valid.(link)

Another major factor in my initial disatisfaction with Vol. 1 was & still is Aizawa’s character. Unlike my annoyance with Deku, my problem with Aizawa lies entirely in his personality. When introduced, Aizawa scolds his students for socializing, taking 8 seconds to shut up & promises to expel the student who places last in a physical test because one of the kids displayed excitement. These actions make him come off as nitpicky to an unfair extent. To top of my great first impression of him, he wants to allow quirk usage in PE, when he himself doesn’t have a quirk which can come in handy in a physical exam. Besides the travesty this ingenious idea represents to the quirkless, it also effects those whose quirks can’t be utilized in a physical exam & don’t even get me started on the property damage. In contrast to All Might Aizawa has a more darwinistic mentality, which is reflected in the quirk evaluation test. To specify, he doesn’t care if the kids are only doing it for fame & money or if they have the traits of a true hero like All Might does. Aizawa is primarily interested in the results to the point where he deems those who fall beneath an unspecified quota to be idealistic half-asses. If you’ve seen either GTO or Assassination Classroom, you may remember that Aizawa’s teaching style is the kind these shows tried to shun & disapproved of in general. Onizuka & Koro-sensei are the antithesis to Aizawa mainly because they genuinely cares about their students. They know that how the kids grow up is more important for them than a test & want them to become better human beings, which both go to great lengths to accomplish. The concept of their students failing them doesn’t exist while Aizawa will fail & scrutinize his students only if they don’t meet his expectations.

Why didn’t Aizawa expel Deku? Remember the only Deku has screen time curse I ranted on and on about? They did it with Aizawa. No insight was given for us to see the person that he is. No defining reason was given on why he expelled 154 students. However, Aizawa is a different case from All Might, Ida & Bakugo in this regard. The primary difference between them is the foundation for their character development. The 3 stooges I mentioned have one a.k.a. experiencing Deku’s heroic deed, but Aizawa doesn’t. Aizawa didn’t experience Deku’s heroism like the three of them & by all means Deku should have been expelled. The only answer I have is that Deku’s plot armor is so strong that it can force Aizawa to break character or Horikoshi wrote himself into a corner with Aizawa.

The gibberish of My Hero Academia This is the part where I express my inter Cinema Sins-wannabe by listing the other things MHA did wrong or didn’t do at all like an explanation. I’m not going to detail why I consider them faults as I can stand them more or less unlike the issues I covered above. However, if you’d like me to expand upon anyone of them, send me the number & I’ll tell you what I meant (The same goes for all other parts of this review). The list is mostly in chronological order.

#1 Why aren’t there any superhero teams? #2 Why aren’t there any quirkless people in Izuku’s junior high? #3 Why is everybody a jerk to Deku? #4 Why didn’t Izuku’s mom lie to him? #5 Why was the Sludge villain waiting for someone to walk by? #6 How did All Might put the Sludge villain in a bottle? #7 Why didn’t All Might lie to Deku? #8 Why did All Might trust Deku with his secret? #9 How is All Might even alive right now? #10 Why did All Might chase the Sludge villain for 3 whole hours? #11 Why is heroism so dependent on quirks? #12 Why couldn’t Mt Lady shrink a bit in order to fight the Sludge villain? #13 Isn’t the firefighting hero the one with an advantageous quirk? #14 How is Deku able to make eye-contact with Bakugo? #15 How did Deku get pass Death Arms? #16 Why didn’t any of the other heroes intervene before Deku was 3 seconds away from certain death? #17 Did All Might kill the Sludge villain? #18 Why is One for All so OP? #19 Why was nothing explained about the Sludge villain or his quirk? #20 Why are they praising Bakugo? #21 Isn’t putting your life in danger due to adrenaline/shock the same as laughing uncontrollably due to adrenaline/shock? #22 Why did they spoil the ending? #23 Why aren’t there any quirkless heroes? #24 Why aren’t any other hero schools besides UA mentioned? #25 How is Midoriya not dead? #26 Why did Bakugo tell Deku to shut up if he started their conversation? #27 How is Deku distracting Ida? #28 Why is MHA willing to risk getting a lawsuit from Nintendo, but doesn’t kill of any of the characters who have screen time? #29 Why is video game logic being used in a school for heroics? #30 Why does this exam sound like something Shigaraki & Stain would design? #31 Why didn’t All Might give Deku his quirk earlier? #32 Why didn’t Uraraka float away from the robot? #33 Who controls the robots? #34 How did Midoriya not faint from his injuries? #35 How was Midoriya still able to think clearly through the pain of his broken limbs? #36 Why didn’t Uraraka look up how to not vomit before the practical exam? #37 Why was Deku able to properly heal from his injuries? #38 Why is everybody so obsessed with quirks? #39 Why is Izuku still training if he knows he didn’t get into UA? #40 Why did Uraraka get less rescue points than Izuku? #41 Why is Deku always paired up with Bakugo (in the story)? #42 If you need to be muscular, so One for All doesn’t kill you, how is All Might still using it? #43 Why did Aizawa have a PE uniform with him? #44 How is UA still in business if they allow teachers to expel students for the most pettiest reasons? #45 Why didn’t Aizawa get fired if he expelled 154 students? #46 Why did class 1B get less powerful students? #47 Why couldn’t All Might find out who was Deku’s homeroom teacher earlier? #48 How does Deku accomplish anything with All Might as his mentor? #49 Why is Aizawa questioning how Deku got into UA? #50 How are Aizawa’s bandages floating? #51 How are quirks activated in general? #52 How can a teacher afford a scarf made out of nanofiber? #53 Why did Deku hang out with Bakugo when they were kids? #54 How did Hagakure & Jiro get into UA? #55 Why did Deku need to use his quirk during Aizawa’s exam? #56 How did Uraraka not know that Deku was an insult? #57 Why are they teaching them normal school subjects?

All in all, I can now finally use this: #Volume1IsHell What? I made reviews for less.

[cryamore]

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS AND DEVELOPMENT UPDATE ROUNDUP

We’ve gotten a number of questions from our Discord members in the past month and it’s time to share them with everyone along with our answers.

See what a handful of our backers have been asking Rob, Aivi, surasshu, and me after the jump.

Kishou asks the following questions:

Can you change Esmy's appearance? Like, with armor sprites?

Sadly, given how Cryamore’s sprites are designed, it’s too taxing to make armor sprites for Esmy as we’d have to make armor sprites for a lot of unique animations, idle, running, hit, ground cast, mid cast, high cast, Vanish animations, Boulder Dash animations, etc. and then multiply that with 3 or 5 directions each.

The most we can offer for visual customization are palette swaps.

Featured above are palettes for default, Braxton, Bliss, “Dewritos”, and Black & Blue

I just want to see Esmy in something revealing like a swimsuit

Rob can probably arrange that in another artwork. I could sprite Esmy in a swimsuit but I don’t think we have any scenarios written down that feature her in one.

Of course, we could always write one in...

I'm not sure if this is asked before but is there a love interest in mind for Esmy?

Esmy’s too focused on her work and studying cryamore to notice anyone that may have feelings for her.

Right?

There's no "right" or "wrong" way to clear the game right? Like, surely some spells solve puzzles but there will be proficiency in not just weapon choices but spells in fighting too?

We’ve done our best to make sure your offensive/defensive ability and weapon loadouts will always be viable so whether you like playing ranged weapons with hard hitting close combat abilities, using mobility enhancing abilities with melee weapons or whatever playstyle tickles your fancy, we’ve spent a lot of time ensuring we got everything balanced and fun enough so there won’t be an absolute god tier and worst tier loadout.

Phosphatide asks:

About story flow: with games now searching for the perfect balance between "linear progression" and "open world freedom" to avoid blatant in-game walls preventing the possibility of sequence-breaking exploration or aimless wandering with no sense of urgency... what was your goal for Cryamore?

Alan: Honestly, I personally wanted full-on freedom to go explore some of the hardest areas of the game and risk the chance of getting wrecked, but we had to corrall things a bit to ensure you stay within the story bounds. Rob being the lead on this has final say on direction.

Rob: I wanted to instill a sense of survival in the game and make sure that the abilities are a big focal point for both puzzles and combat so we were able to block off certain areas of the world the way Metroidvanias would; give you a hint at what might be ahead, but you're blocked by something that needs a new ability

Alan: There's still freedom to be had but you can only go so far before you either hit a roadblock which needs an ability or sometimes story progression (you need clearance to explore south of the island)

So yeah, the goal was to give some freedom but not too much and I'm hoping we managed to achieve it with the world design I've done and with enough usage of the puzzle solving abilities we've made.

Tomar asks:

Curiosity here. Do you guys do art asset sharing through your VC system, or do you use something simpler like dropbox/google drive?

We’ve mostly used Dropbox all throughout to share asset files.

Above are the four folders we have set for Cryamore. Backgrounds has Rob and me contributing to it, Illustrations has Rob, me, and JC and Juby’s contributions, Inspiration Music has Aivi and surasshu’s work (a lot of unheard of to the public music WIP files) and Sprite-Animations has my work.

Once something like music, animation or an environment asset is set, Rob or I transfer it to Unity, apply any settings necessary (import and display settings for 2DToolkit, audio settings for Master Audio, etc.) and then upload it to the SVN so the file and all its settings will exist for anyone on the team with a Unity key and access to the Cryamore SVN.

Do you use freecamp for like kanban/task management stuff?

When we had more people in our team, we used OpenOffice and then switched to Freedcamp to keep track of tasks and bugs. Now that it’s just Rob and me, and Aivi and surasshu on sound and music, we mostly just keep a personal to-do list.

Xaelon asks:

I have no idea if this is possible with how the game is built, but something you could add to promote replay after the base game is completed would be a "randomizer mode" that shuffles various things into different places.

We could probably apply that to enemy spawns and some cryam deposits but the environment layouts though aren't as flexible sadly as we don’t use tilesets and the collision bounds of the environments aren’t generated by object due to a lot of irregular organic shapes.

We definitely have considered implementing a NG+ option though, maybe with levels and certain abilities intact on the next play but with more mobs and other difficulty boosts. 

shadowreaper5 asks:

Do skills with timers (like the buff to breathe underwater) have a visual representation of the time left?

To a certain extent, yes. Esmy’s going to have a breath meter over her head while underwater without the Oxy Barrier ability.

We initially wanted to just have a blue fill over Esmy’s status portrait (which changes to her holding her breath) while underwater but so it’s easier to keep track of, she’ll have a meter above her head when she isn’t using Oxy Barrier underwater.

While we do have spells with durations, some of them won’t have a meter and rely on visual cues: a timed magma mine will blink when it's about to explode, time paradox clones should blink when they're about to fade, and shadow cloak should fade back to full visibility upon ending. As it is though, we will mention the duration of spells in their info box at the menu.

Tarquinn2049 asks:

Ok. This question is a bit on the other end amd might make me sound like a jerk due to timing. But does it support 4k? And if so is it by pixel doubling? I can totally play it at 1080p if hardware scaling will ultimately look better.

Our native resolution is 720p which we’ll be upscaling to 1080p. We won’t be able to provide 4K support as working primarily in 2D where our target resolution is 720p would require us to rework the assets in a larger size so as not to lose crispness of lines and pixels on a larger resolution.

Rob:  The game looks freaking good on a 50-70 inch, though haha! I for one can't wait to playtest a lot on console (devkit).

DEVELOPMENT UPDATES

Unity editor-wise, Rob has been working on optimizing the code further. The sorting order of the game was archaic and clunky, so Rob decided to squish it down to a simpler and more effective form that relies on Sorting Order that Unity didn’t have early on during our development. We instead relied on Z index which required a lot of fiddling around with when setting objects up.

You can see in that test room video that the “Order in Layer” is changing value. Back then it would be the Z in the Position attributes and we’d have to manually set the value beforehand to make sure things appeared behind or in front of objects right.

Rob also implemented full analog movement instead of just the D-pad, this allows for more control, though it’ll need a bit of tweaking as it currently looks like Esmy’s skating along the ground like she’s about to break it down and provide everyone with boosted shields.

There’s been polish going on in multiple fronts on the graphical end as animations and environment assets get fixed.

Above is the fist weapons, we initially were going to go with brass knuckles but decided that it wouldn’t be that noticeable on the sprite unless we made it large but I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t miss the weapons so I designed these gauntlets that shows a bit of the transition from steamtech to cryamtech and also offers a more interesting silhouette while also making a bit more sense as a viable weapon against dangerous monsters.

The fists primary function work as a mashable combo. One press of the attack button does a jab, two presses in quick succession performs a jab and punch, three does a jab, punch, uppercut combo. It’s quick but it doesn’t have that much range or width in its melee attack range.

The second function is the parry which allows you to negate any damage if timed right. Rob’s in charge of securing the timing for all these as he’s the one in Unity and more well-versed with the parrying system this was inspired from (Street Fighter 3) so I trust he’ll make sure it’s balanced. We wanted to make the fists fun to use but even better if you master it and hopefully it’ll show.

The crossbow also underwent an animation rework during its polish phase. The old animation was too focused on being realistic that it didn’t look interesting (i.e. it looked too slow) and the crossbow already has it tough in being interesting when up against the pistols. So far everyone feels it looks much snappier now while still keeping to the timing of the old animation.

What differentiates the crossbow from the pistol is that Esmy can hold her shot and slowly strafe while doing so, only firing when you let go of the attack button. The crossbow also has different types of bolt quivers that you can equip. Currently we’re playing around with piercing properties and stagger/slowing/knockback properties.

We’re also looking into displaying the ammo/bolt count below Esmy everytime she fires so the player can easily keep track of their shots (we’ve been running on infinite ammo all this time just to get a feel of the weapon first before applying a limit). 

The rapier’s animations will still need the pixel pass but its roughs are ready.

You’ll notice two phases in the rapier animation. The basic thrust and the secondary backdash. These are the primary and secondary functions of the weapon. One allows you to dash forward with a piercing strike and another for quick evasion, making the rapier a weapon all about mobility (which could be handy for speedrunning too).

The Ghilcrest buildings are undergoing their design polish as well. You’ve all seen the Cryatisium and Esmy’s Home and now the Inventorium and the Cafe are joining them in polished goodness.

The overworld environments have also been undergoing its rework. More unique object assets have been made and its design is now following the Overworld map that I completed.

Worry not about the above image. Though we do have Brax (and some other characters) following you at some points in the game, it’s not a dangerous escort mission where you’ll have to struggle to keep your companion alive, the Berribuns were added on the map just for this screenshot (they ignore Brax and only go for Esmy).

I’ve tried to incorporate hints of the past steamtech throughout areas of Noka Island that the settlers covered, some machines like the one on the screenshot above were retrofitted to use cryam instead of steam (I did receive comments on how the smoke blobs look more like rocks so I’ll probably change it to wispy smoke).

The HUD has also undergone a visual polish to make it look more bronze plated to go with the early post steampunk-ish feel.

I’ll be continuously working on more animations and environment asset polish all throughout while Rob cleans up code, works on other background assets or lays said assets out in the Unity editor.

ART SPOTLIGHT

Every now and then, Rob (and sometimes I) take a breather and make some art (which will all eventually end up in the artbook) so here’s some of the choice pieces as of late.

Rob made something that could be wallpaper material once he cleans it up in a higher res, it’s an array of Bliss in a custom outfit.

Another wallpaper-ish piece from Rob with Deseret, Bliss, and Sorbet looking all tough and showing what I’ll just assume to be Ghilcrest gang signs... despite it being a small community.

Here's a more realistic pin-up style Bliss that Rob also made.

Rob also pays tribute to Atlus’ Persona and Shin Megami Tensei series by rendering Esmy in Shigenori Soejima’s style.

I did the same and tried making a Shigenori Soejima tribute using his soft paint style commonly present in Stella Deus and some Persona art. I chose to represent Team Bliss.

COMMUNITY SPOTLIGHT 

We’ve also got a few new submissions of fanart from the community that we’re proud to share with everyone. We’re grateful to have all your support and enjoy seeing everyone’s renditions of the Cryamore cast.

@Cliffist pays tribute to the fab queen, Bliss because clearly, she’s supposed to be the star.

@boss_ruru also decides to rep Team Bliss with this lovely piece of Ms. Barson in one of her many alternate outfits.

But it’s not all Bliss as MellowMarz aka @HeartlessHat provides a pistol toting pixel-art Esmy.

I’ll be working on the pixel art and animation featurette next. I had to hold it off since I needed to prep this first.

It should give an idea of what the update will cover.

I hope you enjoyed this update and all the news! Thanks for taking time to read through these.

- CM Alan

P.S. I also managed to secure one of the previous builds we made and will be preparing a guide to go with it for the backers on Discord.

[kshitizsingh11]

Chadar Trek - My moment of epiphany

Sitting in the gullies of Zanskar valley, The Chadar is one of the most picturesque and astounding trails on this planet. A 100 kilometer walk on a frozen river that has every ingredient to hold the audience spellbound; a trail that is a perfect mix of contentment and despair, calm and rage. I am glad to have had an experience that is surely accompanying me to my deathbed. 

The Idea:

With all the mental persecution that has been bugging me ever since I stepped on the corporate crap, there came a time when I decided to scrap off the displeasing energies and start taking the adventure therapy a bit more solemnly. NOW, who of all the vagabonds has not heard about CHADAR: The big daddy of all footslogs in India!

Chadar had been on my wish list from the last two years, ever since I started backpacking in Northern India. But, despite of gathering all the necessary info about the trek, I was still giving myself flabby excuses for not setting off, until one day when I finally woke up with a thoroughly different vibe. It was like a Monk nudged me in my sleep, telling me not to waste another day before clinching my slot for the trek. With insufficient funds in my account and a half sleepy head, I called an old idiotic friend to borrow some chips. Strangely, he obliged me and I obliged the good Old Monk. I was now just a month away from what is going to become the most galvanizing journey of my life.

The Mindset:

Preparing to tackle something that we cannot beat is a devil of a job. We cannot conquer the Chadar, let's at least be gracious enough to embrace it. Now, there must be few fellow expeditionists for whom Chadar might have been a cakewalk. Trust me fellas, you've got some lucky butts there. Mental preparedness is the foremost precondition one cannot afford to compromise, not considering the physical debility  but because of the fact that a marginal rise in temperatures can rip off our expressway over the spouting Zanskar; not many have an eye for this kind of exploit. Thereupon, it becomes psychologically necessary to be cognizant of the fact that, one hikes the Chadar for the remarkable adventure that it is and not merely for stockpiling upload worthy photographs.

 Trek Essentials:

Ever since I booked the trek, the idea of pursuing -30° Celsius had been freaking me out and I certainly knew that I am not the most experienced person for such situations. The best action I could think of was to take Delhi's winter chill head-on. Cold water baths, not relying on too many layers of clothes and sleeping off in ultra-light and hardly cold resistant blankets were a few practices I followed. Consequently, I did all my bookings in Leh, before the start of trek, in non-heated rooms. These hacks actually work! Now, for a trek this mighty, you do not want to miss out on essential equipment or commodities or anything that makes your life easier. Making a check list of your own would be swell, then you can keep surfing through columns on the internet and keep updating that check list accordingly. However, make sure you leave behind all those fancy, trivial accessories. You do not want to punish yourself with a two-ton rucksack, something that might ruin your experience.

Here's a link to my own check list, hope it helps a few.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzJxX_J6lfEtSGJDVi1FV0ctQ3M

With almost every arrangement made and those tickling trepidations in my stomach, it was finally time for blasting off to the cold desert. My first biggie without a single acquaintance, and I could sense that it's gonna be huge!

 Day Minus Two & Minus One: Get old with the cold

The airline crew had announced that the temperature outside was -10° Celsius, and I began anticipating an explosion of cold on my face as soon as the flight doors are open.  Strangely, when that happened, I was in utter awe of how fresh and pleasant the atmosphere was. Soon, I hired a taxi to Warila Guest House, where I took some time to cool off, capture some photographs and acclimatize. Then what followed was the strenuous night, and my dear friends;

"do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, Rage, against the dying of the day",

Michael Caine's voice kept reverberating in my head, as it got impossible to sleep in a non-heated room.  :-P

Meanwhile, I forgot to mention that I had been lucky enough to find some good company for my stay in Leh before I got my show on the road for Chadar. Thanks to facebook! Having plans to arrive in Leh a couple of days in advance and knowing that sightseeing in Ladakh can be one helluva costly affair for someone like me, I thought it would be swell to find someone to share my overhead expenses with. However, Areeb Bhai, you were so much more than just that!

For me, it's always amazing to know a co-traveler whom I find more restless than I, and Areeb Ahmad is one of those few. Owing to this, we both somehow managed to make the next couple of days possible, despite of some harsh weather forecasts. After utilizing our first day for acclimatization and a night with no sleep, we booked a taxi and kicked off our jaunt to Tangste via the mighty Khardung La and picturesque Nubra Valley.  

Khardund La, as cold as my ex's heart, as inhospitable as Donald Trump, was not more than a five minute affair. It was reincarnating to get back in our heated Mahindra Scorpio, away from the bone crushing cold and making our way to the serene Nubra, where we made small pit stops at Diskit Monastery and Hundar. Rest of the day was spent on the road, clicking photographs, until finally we reached Tangste at around 7 p.m. and checked into Changla Guest house, the most beautiful home stay cum tuition center in the world, to spend the night.

The next day, Sunday the 15th was the day when I meet my TEAM for Chadar. Even though I could hardly wait for it, Areeb and I had some scores to settle before that; the winter Pangong. Postponing our breakfast and leaving our luggage back at the guest house in Tangste, we started for seeing the lake, which was about a 40 kms drive.

The Winter Pangong, no wonder it was stunning, had atmospheric elements that were not any better than those at Khardung La and The Winds of Winter made it even more strenuous, we were soon forced to leave. A mum yet screeching cry by nature!

Thereafter, we made the way back to our forsaken luggage and an appetizing breakfast. Now is the time to head back to Leh and meet the Men.  Men with whom I was about to shape the most fascinating story of my not-so-fascinating life.

Chadar Bandits, Day Zero & Day One: The rise and the fall

My team, The Chadar Bandits, was a group of seven cheerful men and two amazing ladies, all elder to me. I can never forget how flamboyantly Sawanjit Singh exclaimed to me when I first bumped into him, 'Kid, we might appear old to you, BUT we all are young at heart.' No doubting that Paaji! After formally meeting everyone and brief planning about the basic dos and don'ts, we settled down at Shanti Guest House, not having a clue of what the next few days have in store for us. Thankfully, we had our Group Leader, ‘General’ Sohrab Singh, who came with the experience of last year's Chadar.

Day One began with a heavy breakfast and a long wait for the lanky Force Traveler that was to carry us to the hop off point, somewhere between Chilling & Shingra.

It was a dusty, giant four hour ride before we finally disembarked and hit the ground. We were delighted! Now, it was a three hour walk for us to the camps and believe me, not many of us realized how thin the ice that we walk on is.

Being just half an hour into the trek, I heard a scream from close behind, somebody calling for help. I turned back to find Gaurav Arora buried chest deep in a critically punctured Chadar and within a flash I started bolting back for what I thought would be some help. On reaching the mishap spot, trying to hand him my hiking pole to help him get out, I realized that I was a bit too far from his hands' reach. Impulsively, I stepped on weak ice and the very next moment, I was down in the Zanskar and calling for help. Thanks to the rest of my team mates, who scrutinized a wise way to pull us out.

Here's the deal, when something like this happens with you in -15° Celsius, it does not take a minute for the water in your clothes to freeze into small, heavy chunks of ice. I was stupefied to recollect that I still need to walk more than a couple of hours in these heavy clothes to make it to the camp site, and that I merely have one pair of thermals and not-so-cold-resistant  jacket + lower in the name of spare clothes. Somehow we reached our camps in Shingra Koma, I changed to the limited supplies that I had, and spent the night in fear that I simply cannot afford to get drenched in the remaining eight days.

 Day Two & Day Three: I learn to walk

The following day was what everyone calls the most tiring day on Chadar, all because of the long walk. I, however, have the opinion that more that the walk, it is the getting out of the sleeping bag that is the hardest thing to do today. This being done, we braced up for a long, 10 hour walk up to Tibb cave. 

Tibb is not the conventional day 2 camping site on Chadar, as most of the hikers only go up to Naerak for which they need not expedite to this extent so as to reach Tibb on the second day. We, on the other hand, had plans to go up to Lingshed which is a day's walk beyond Naerak. But, instead of planning two days more than the others who go up to Naerak, we just had one and this forced us to cover all the extra ground on day 2. Regrettably, we could not make it to Tibb by dusk and had to camp somewhere with an hour's walk remaining till our desirable destination. I, somehow, was glad to have survived the day without getting soaked in water.

Day 3 was another long walk up to Naerak, end of road for most of the hikers. After innumerable crashes, I had somehow managed to keep my bones intact. And, even though I began to feel comfortable with walking in such terrains, there was not a single day that I finished without slipping on the adamantine ice. 

Anyhow, on reaching our camp site, we were informed that Chadar beyond Naerak is non-existent at a few locations and even the Zanskaris are finding it difficult to cross over. Therefore, it was advised to abandon our plan of going up to Lingshed. We decided to take individual calls and it was four of us who fancied going ahead. Now, the idea was to reach the precarious spot that everyone had been talking about, take another call, and even if a single one amongst the four of us backs out, we all back out. With this thought, and so many others, we called it a night

Day Four & Day Five: The Epiphany

After an uplifting send off from the rest of our team, the four of us set foot on the Chadar for one last leap. Today's itinerary included about a 3km walk on the Chadar, an hour's break for lunch before diverting from the Zanskar to climb along one of its tributaries for some 7 kms. Forty five minutes into the day's walk, we reached the hyped sector where the Chadar hardly forms and by merely looking at the whole setting, we could easily grasp that this is a periodic weak spot on the trek.

Locals have drilled holes in the upright rocks, which hold on to half meter long iron rods. So, if the Chadar is weak or does not exist, one has to climb these rods, hold on to another row of rods 7-8 feet above these ones, and then cross over. Luckily, we had enough ice on the sides of the rock to rest our toes on. All we needed to do was hold the underlying rods one after the other, make sure we had firm toe grips and proceed carefully; not such a difficult call to take after all.

Now, the deal with this trek is, the further you go, the more it gets to you. After a brief layoff for lunch, we parted ways from the Zanskar and what followed was 7 kms of purest bliss. Something so sensational that my eyes still refuse to believe, something that I can never put in proper words. This hike up to Lingshed Gompa left me captivated beyond vision and somehow I knew, this is the closest I can get to know what beauty actually is.

Lingshed, to my surprise, was a fairly inhabited village with a massive monastery, and a blessed satellite phone. Soon after dropping off my luggage at our cozy home stay and a hot cup of tea, I dashed to the top of the village where the satellite phone was; knew that my mom would be worried.  She literally was, until I told her that I am doing great and will reach home in another 5 days. Happy to have conveyed this to her, I returned back to our hideout for the soundest sleep of my journey on Chadar.

The next day began with an early morning hike to Lingshed Gompa, the monastery, where we spent about an hour clicking photographs, talking to Monks and absorbing the hard-to-behold elegance of the place. Here are a few snaps from the village.

The Monastery was the cutoff point of our expedition. Henceforth, every step was a step back home and we were ecstatic with our accomplishment; no one did imagine what this day had in store for us.

On the way back to Naerak, it was a bit perplexing to see not even a single group making way to Lingshed.  After a quick lunch, we proceeded to the same, bottle neck juncture where they say the Chadar doesn't form.  And boy, we could sense the chaos straightaway.  Unlike the previous day, when we had some Chadar to hold on to, today we had nothing what so ever. People from the other side were screaming and swearing and we could hardly see anything because of the meandering river; it was just the noises. We instantly started warming up and preparing to climb those iron rods. In order to prevent our hands from slipping, all of this needed to done without the gloves on, like arm wrestling with frost bite. 

Grabbing the first couple of the iron rods, one after the other, was enough to suck the sensation out of my hands and I knew that I still need to keep them functional. To make it worse, there came a place where I had to monkey-swing myself to rest my feet on the next rod, and honestly, I could feel my heart beat from the naval to the jaws.

This adventure lasted for about 15 minutes, after which we were advised to dig our paralyzed hands into our armpits to bring them back to life. No one knew that the trouble was far from over. Soon, it was visible to us that the Chadar was crumbling all over the place; huge icebergs being washed off with the river. Above knee high water and sharp chunks of ice entering the gum boots, made it impossible to walk at a controlled pace.

Continuing to move as fast as we could and not paying much heed to how critical the scenario is, we walked into a situation where all our positivity sank to a new low. In front of our eyes, the mighty Zanskar took with it a big-big portion of our highway to home.  The four of us, along with three Ladakhi crew members, were stuck in a position where we had no clue how to cross a 20mtr patch of dousing deep Zanskar; and it was about to get totally dark. Somehow, we worked out three options to choose from. 1) We stop bothering about keeping our luggage dry, swim through those 20mts, and hope that we then find a firm Chadar up to Naerak. 2) We go back to Lingshed, do an alternate, 3 day route to Naerak, which traverses through a wild life sanctuary that is home to snow leopards and God knows what else. 3) We run back and find a place, where the Chadar is firm enough for us to cross over to the other side of Zanskar, and then try to make our own way back to Naerak from that other side. The challenge here was, we needed to cross the river twice.  

Unanimously, we decided to go for the last option and thanks to God, despite of such a bad Chadar day, we were soon able to get to a section where it was possible to cross over. It was all dark by the time we completed the U-turn. We were now running for our lives. I had stopped inspiriting myself that the trouble for the day was over, I knew something was still coming at us; and there it was. With yet another stretch of no Chadar over the Zanskar, we stood there, looking at a 15mts vertical rock to climb and this time, there was no turning back. There were no proper ropes that could hold our weights, and in the sole desire of getting done with the endless day, I chose to be the first one to go. Once the rock was climbed (somehow), Kunga, our guide, escorted me to a safe place to sit, which was a good 100mts ahead of the rock. He then went back to get the rest of my team.

Sitting there all by myself, gazing up at the spectacular sky, I thought of the last phone call I made to my Mother from Lingshed, and how glad she was to know that I will be back in 5 days; how she was always mad at me for not being expressively affectionate like my sister. I thought of my ill Grand Father; how much pride he takes in the little that I do and the loads of expectations that he has. I did not know whether I'll be able to make it back. And even if I make it back, I did not know that my Grand Father would have passed away by the time I write all this. Never had I thought so deeply about existence.

It was the sight of my Group Leader, Sohrab Singh that pulled me back to normalcy and after a small exchange about how to keep positive, me marched ahead. Soon, we were overjoyed to see light coming from a small hut on the mountain, we knew we were in Naerak. We still needed to cross the river, but after all that we had done, this one turned out to be easy. 

It had been the longest evening of our lives, and we finally returned to our worried team mates, who went berserk on seeing us safe. They had become family by then, and I was happy to see them too.

Day Six, Day Seven & Day Eight: Best TEAM ever

After a warm day 5, there was evident panic in a few other groups. Some probably summoned the Indian Army for an airlift; choppers could be seen flying all throughout day 6. The Bandits, however, had their own cool way of going about the whole dilemma. And for me, the concluding three days of the trek were like a picnic with the coolest people in the world.

Considering all that went down in the preceding week, I knew I had lived the experience that I came here for. Even more! But surprisingly, towards the end, I lost the desire of going back home this early. I wanted to stay a little longer. 

This journey will always be emotionally significant to me, a touch above all the others. A journey that I shall embrace forever; most of it because of the new friends I made. Thank you guys, for being a part of this one, and for being such amazing hosts at The Grand Dragon. Fray Gill, Paaji, I am not forgetting that mid-night conversation ever in my life.

Cheers to all!

See you on the turf next year! ;)

X------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------X

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My Declaration of Purpose

I suppose that in order to get my thoughts together concerning the purpose of this blog, I should write a manifesto of sorts. But I’m not calling it that; naming this post a “manifesto” makes it sound like I’m planning on making some big political statement, when I’m really simply writing and reading what I like.

So, here we go. The beginning of this blog. From where should I start?

Who are you?

I’m just a lady from Australia who loves to both read and write. My room is a mess of notebooks, fountains pens, stationery, and yes, many many books. I sleep with two books next to my pillow. Creative writing is my passion, but of course, going into the writing field is not where my heart lies. I just like writing and worldbuilding for fun. I think that’s all you need to know about me for now.

What motivated you to start this blog?

I think it was a combination of the frustration of not knowing how to annotate my books without making them a mess of them as well as the urge to simply let out my thoughts and (admittedly strange) analyses on the books I’ve read in a format that would not only be easy to maintain, but also be easy to share with others should there be people who are interested in my ramblings for whatever reason.

I may edit this part later. I might have more to say.

What content can I expect to see from this blog?

It depends on what I’m feeling like at the moment. You might see:

Posts containing my thoughts and annotations about the books I’m currently reading.

Book reviews

The occasional literary analysis, if I feel like one

Essays or other writings on reading, writing, or other topics

Short pieces of creative writing (short stories, flash fiction, poetry [not the Instagram kind], etc)

Reblogs of resources that I think might be useful for either myself or the readers of this blog

Of course, this could always change over time. For the most part, this blog will be focused on books and writing.

What genres do you like/dislike?

Oh boy, here we go. 

My favourite types of books, in no particular order, are:

Historical/Humanities-based non-fiction

Classics

Cosmic horror

Fantasy

Magical realism

My least favourite, again, in no particular order, are:

YA fiction

Political non-fiction

Romance

Slice of life-style fiction

Bait-and-switch paranormal or fantasy novels (where the premise makes it seem as if there’s an emphasis on the action and plot of the world, but it’s simply a backdrop for another sodding love triangle)

Of course, this may very well change. And just because a book is in either of these lists doesn’t mean I’ll automatically love or hate it. I judge the books by their contents and their stand-alone merit, not by its genre. 

I hate your content/your tastes in literature/your views/your entire being.

I’m really sorry to hear that! But you can always just click away from my blog if what I write really does upset you that much. Luckily, I’m just a tiny drop in an ocean of other similar blogs talking about books, so I can guarantee that there’ll be one out there that will tickle your fancy! It’s the Internet, there’s something for everyone.

Ultimately, it’s up to you to curate your online experience. It’s a good idea to read things that can challenge your views, but it’s not a good idea to do it to such an extent that it ruins your enjoyment of anything!

I may add to this declaration at a later date. But for now (the sixth of November, 2018, to be exact), this should be enough.