#this post should have taken 5 mins- I SPENT 20 ON IT

[russilton]

It’s the special-est little guys birthday so here are some of my favourite Freddo pictures I have saved

Bonus baby Fred from his dads IG

[gunsandspaceships]

MCU Timeline: Iron Man. Part 1 (First 36 hours)

I'm starting a new series of posts. Here I will try to create a logical timeline of the Infinity Saga. No promise to do it for every movie though, as I'm focused on Tony.

I find this attempt necessary because of the many conflicting timelines, official and unofficial, that exist on the Internet and in books. Most of them forgot to include logic when determining dates and periods. Including "official" ones. Remember, if the guys at Marvel can't create something that works, that's their problem, and fans shouldn't just buy what they say. Shitty job is shitty job.

Let's start from the beginning - 36 hours before the attack on the convoy in Afghanistan. Or should I say "about 34 hours" because, taking all the factors into account, I couldn't squeeze 36 hours in there. But it's fine, because the number 36 was most likely approximate and meant "a day and a half". The events cover 3 days in the second half of January or the first half of February 2008 (here's why). All times are approximate, except for 7:00 and 11:00, which is clearly stated in the film.

Day 1 - Las Vegas:

5 pm (34 hours before the attack) - Apogee Award ceremony, Tony gambles at the casino.

8 pm (31 hours before the attack) - Christine Everhart catches Tony leaving the casino. They go to his house in Malibu together.

Why 5-8 pm: in the scene with Christine and Tony, we see that it is already dark outside. In February, sunset in Las Vegas occurs at 5:30 p.m., and it takes some time for the sky to turn black. Considering we had to get it done in about 36 hours, I gave Tony 3 hours in Las Vegas. I doubt he spent more time there: the ceremony wouldn't last long, and Tony didn't play in the casino for long after Rhodey came for him.

Day 2 - Malibu, Pepper's birthday:

1 am (26 hours before the attack) - Tony is back in Malibu. Sex with Christine.

Why 1 am: trip from Las Vegas to Malibu by car takes 4.5 hours.

6 am (21 hours before the attack) - scheduled departure from LA to Afghanistan. Tony is late.

7:00 am (20 hours before the attack) - Jarvis wakes up Christine. Tony is not in bed. Looks like he didn't sleep there at all.

7:00-7:30 am - Tony is working in the lab. Christine looks around the mansion. Pepper spends some time with her (about 30 min).

7:30 am (19.5 hours before the attack) - Pepper comes down to the lab and reminds Tony that he is 1.5 hours late for his scheduled flight.

9 am (18 hours before the attack) - 3 hours late, the private jet finally takes off for Afghanistan with Tony and Rhodey on board.

11 am (16 hours before the attack) - boys eat, talk and have fun on board, then Tony is taken to the bedroom on the plane (for sex and sleep). Rhodes is awake and drinking.

Day 3 - Afghanistan:

9 pm (LA)/9:30 am (Afghanistan) (6 hours before the attack) - Tony and Rhodey arrive at Bagram Air Base, Parwan Province, Afghanistan. They spend some time there watching The Air Force Drill Team while waiting for weapons to be loaded for presentation.

Why 9:30 am: a flight from Los Angeles to Afghanistan by private jet can take an average of 13 to 16 hours. Given that Tony was late, the pilot likely sped up and cut the time down to 12 hours to make it on time.

2 am (LA)/2:30 pm (Afghanistan) (1 hour before the attack) - the convoy reaches the proving ground in Kunar province. Presentation of Jericho. Stane can't sleep, waiting for a message from The Ten Rings.

Why 2:30 pm: the trip from Bagram to Kunar province takes at least 4-5 hours. With heavy cargo it should be even longer.

3 am (LA)/3:30 pm (Afghanistan) - the attack.

Mistakes made by Marvel:

Light clothing in Afghanistan in January/February. The daily mean there is 36-40°F during these months.

There is no such thing as 72° at 7am in Malibu in the winter. Perhaps that was the actual temperature on set instead. That it was colder outside is also indicated by Tony wearing a long-sleeve and a jacket on the way to the airport.

[ckerouac]

I posted 10,889 times in 2022

484 posts created (4%)

10,405 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@theawkwardterrier

@beyoursledgehammer

@kanadabiscuits

@cryptids-and-starlight

@catchclaw

I tagged 5,476 of my posts in 2022

Only 50% of my posts had no tags

#fan art - 630 posts

#the mandalorian - 593 posts

#pedro pascal - 295 posts

#*cackles* - 288 posts

#our flag means death - 221 posts

#timothy olyphant - 154 posts

#justified - 151 posts

#moon knight tv - 150 posts

#star trek: strange new worlds - 150 posts

#dincobb - 147 posts

Longest Tag: 130 characters

#jonathan's airbnb review: he broke my possesions and i think he wants to eat me also? but my bedroom looks really nice 4.5/5 stars

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

One of the things I love about writing fanfic is looking at a scene I want to add and going ‘yes this adds nothing to the plot, and in proper writing it should be cut, but it’s soft and self-indulgent and full of feels so not only is it going to stay in, I’m going to expand it to fit in even MORE softness and MORE feels and y’all can’t do anything to stop me.’

80 notes - Posted March 8, 2022

#4

Watching the Kenobi series is just reaffirming that if he’d trained Leia instead of Luke they wouldn’t have needed three movies cause she would’ve had the whole thing taken care of in 100 cinematic minutes.

Star Wars: Leia Gets Shit Done The First Time, where as the title suggests she wastes no time in getting shit done. Vader can still try to pull his Uno reverse of ‘Leia, I am your father!’ But her response would be ‘Bail Organa was my father’ before taking that lightsaber and hacking him into Vader bites while Ben, Luke, and Han watch from the sidelines.

Followed by the rom com sequel of Star Wars: The Pegging of Han Solo because… yeah.

And finally, round it all out with Star Wars: How I Spent My Summer Vacation, where Ben takes all the kids to Space Cancun and while they get into hijinks, that man finally gets to relax. Every 20 min or so there’s a break in the action of whatever Scooby Doo, Legends of the Hidden Space Temple nonsense the three of them are in the middle of to find Ben sipping a space margarita and finally finally getting a moment’s peace.

94 notes - Posted June 4, 2022

#3

Forever in love with the fact that Pike’s go-to is “damn, y’all eat like this?” and it fucking works.

168 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

#2

Who wants to see my office buddy today?

245 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Y’all, the student loan forgiveness application went live tonight. It’s the simplest government form I’ve ever filled out. 2min tops.

https://studentaid.gov/debt-relief/application

1,534 notes - Posted October 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[2-curious-cups]

20/10/2023

I arrived Mx yesterday. I finally got the flu I had been waiting for since the last days in Berlín, lol (1). It is very mild though, but it came in the exact moment I stepped into my parents place, like my body only allowed itself to be sick until then.

NYC was very inspiring, as always... dangerously inspiring. The first day I went to a Halloween party and the last day I went to a Halloween party, the days inbetween I spent in the Atlantic Highlands, a little town opposite from the city, 30 min across the bay by ferri, with a beautiful sight of the skyline. Mostly calm. After I arrived I had great conversations with my parents about ny and the future of my career, they are always super supportive of my incredibly errant improvisations and I am so greatful for that. I went directly to sleep afterwards. I didn't get very good sleep, I had some crazy dreams last night. It was super realistic, we were in Berlin, it was deep summer, you had a gathering and invited your closest friends, Cora and Sofia and me and... Mac DeMarco? Yes, apparently you were dating this Canadian singer and I was very jealous, lol (2). I pretended I didn't care and went into the bathroom, I saw myself in the mirror and realized three little pieces of my body were missing, one from my head, the tip of my left little finger and the tip of my right little toe. In a second dream, in which you weren't really present, I recieived a text from you and I thought to myself "great timing, right after I dreamt about her". I woke up in the morning, turned on my phone and I saw the texts you sent today. Maybe the oniric text and the real texts came at the same time? I'll never know.

It's probably wierd that I am talking so openly about this dreams, but honestly Idc, lol (3). I don't have a lot to loose and posting from this social media gives me the illusion of privacy.

I miss you so much, I think about you all the time. And there is some bittersweetness to it (hence the salty rat / sweet mouse dichotomy). I am happy to have you on my mind but it is also crazy to think I am so far away from you. Although, to be honest, this is a feeling i get with you often. Is this just a phase that challenges my attachment patterns and will ultimately derive into a better version of myself that knows how to love freely and fairly? Or is this bitterness an intrinsic quality of our interaction and I'm damned? Am I overthinking? Yes. Is that the reason why our conversations always go meta? Probably. How many layers of meta-conversation are being reached by asking this question right now? Maybe like 4. You know how the world hates bitcoin guys? Cause they are always talking about the same shit. Sometimes I feel like that but with meta-conversations instead of bitcoin. I hope you are not getting bored like I would if I heard someone talking about bitcoin, lol (4). We should really invest in that shit, btw. I do believe the future of economy is heading towards digital money. I mean, it's kind of already like that, somehow. Except in Berlin. I am perfectly aware of how much I am drifting right now and I have the chance to edit this text but I won't, that'll make this text more similar to talking in person with me, lol (5).

In the end it's always a pleasure to have you on my mind. It's always worth it. It's always warm. It's always fun.

Tell me about school, tell me if you have taken another pole lesson. Tell me whatever you feel like, just please do not feel compromised to reply to every little obsessive thought or question written here. Small replies, big replies, no reply, meta talk, small talk, no talk, long text, short text, no text. Just whatever comes out of your heart at the moment.

:)

yours,

-av

xoxo

[djemsostylist]

Thoughts on Episode 26 of SCK

In short--I loved it. 

There is a lot I could say about it, and I’m sure most of it has already been said by people far more eloquent than I.  But I haven’t written down my thoughts about an episode in while and if ever there was an episode to talk about, well, this one was certainly it.  

There was a post I saw going around a few weeks ago about how sometimes enjoying a piece of media means viewing it with a measure of grace.  As a critical person by nature, I thought a lot about what that means, and I’ve decided that it means that sometimes, a piece of media may not be perfect, but if the soul is there, that is the only thing that matters. 

So, I think one of the major issues I’ve seen talked about with 26 is that it felt too good.  And to some degree, that makes sense.  Let’s be honest, 22-25 were not very good.  They had great singular moments, but taken as a whole, they were a bit of a mess.  20-21 gave us beautiful set up and direction and forward movement with not only Serkan and Eda as a couple, but as individuals, and that’s even with the contract mess.  But then 22 and 23 came along and we have Eda acting like a brat, intimate scenes that were cute and hot but ultimately a let down since the end result was always an “I love you” from Serkan followed by an -_- face from Eda, and basically no real forward movement with their relationship or character at all.  Add the introduction of one of the worst characters in television, and you kind of had a mess.  And while 24 was better, it still felt weird.  Serkan is acting distant, Eda is acting married, and again, no going anywhere until the last 5 minutes of the episode.  Plus the long awaited BA shows up and it turns out she’s a Disney villain with even thinner motives.  Then there was 25, which I think left most of the fandom feeling empty.  Serkan and Eda are at their very lowest possible point, and all their friends and family don’t seem to care and the amount of Edser scenes was too low to give us enough to not want to rage at the final scene. Plus, dubbed Prince showed up attempting to recreate a plot from Vampire Diaries and welp.  

So in 26, we start with what should be a devastated Eda and Serkan who have no path back to each other.  We were fully expecting another few weeks of breakup and Eda having to chase Serkan and more moping and more sadness and we didn’t get that.  Instead, we start with an Eda who is ready to do whatever it takes to spend as little time away from Serkan as possible and a Serkan who isn’t going to let go.  His plan is brilliant, and it works.  He knows something fishy is going on--despite her words the night before, which certainly hurt, she was also literally in tears and had been for the whole day.  And he knows she loves him.  In a way, his actions at the start of 26 are another brilliant parallel to the beginning of 19--Serkan breaks and decides to tell Eda everything the moment it becomes clear that she might actually move on with her life and he will lose her forever.  Eda breaks at the beginning of 26 when it’s clear Serkan is going to be a cool cucumber about everything and stop chasing her.  (I’m saying they could have probably solved all their issues in 15 if Eda had asked Efe on a date-Serkan would have been on his knees confessing and proposing in 10 min. flat, but I digress.)

No, they don’t have a ton of conversation in this.  There aren’t heartfelt, long dialogs about the wrongs they’ve done and the things they feel.  Frankly, they aren’t necessary.  Serkan has, at this point, said all he needs to say and he couldn’t be clearer.  And while we still haven’t heard Eda say “I love you”, her actions this episode show it, and he knows it, and well, if that end scene isn’t the biggest “I love you” idk what is.   

I was talking with @lolo-deli about the episode and she made an excellent point.  I’ll quote here “Their conversation in hall was short in dialogue but heavy in meaning and implication. In very few words they established: last night was real (and implied to be meaningful), she needs time to work out some complications (he understands what this means, she loves him and the break up was what was not real) and he will both trust her and wait for her without pressuring her AND he's still worried about her (in this case over Seyman which turns out to be a non-factor ama neyse!). That's a lot of important conversation wrapped up in a a 90 sec convo but it fits them because they understand one another very well.”

This is true of their conversation in the conference room after.  They almost go back down the jealousy fight spiral we’ve seen 100 times, but instead, Eda stops herself, Serkan stops himself, and instead of fighting, they talk and both agree they were wrong and acting silly and reaffirm their love and trust for each other.  In fact, both of them verbalize to their friends that they are 100% sure of the other and their feelings--they aren’t threatened by the Prince and B because of their fear of losing the other, but because both of those characters are creepy and dangerous and unhinged.  

I was okay with this episode because we spent 21 episodes watching them grow apart and together--sure the previous episodes were rough, but it was a transitional period.  I’m giving grace--and to quote lolo-deli again  “They trust each other, it's really that simple. We didn't need to have a half hour of conversation to establish that. Just like we don't need to see Eda chasing Serkan for two more episodes to prove she loves him because she does. Also simple. We know and he knows it. He deserved affirmation and he got it, she bloody well proposed marriage.”

And this is how I feel.  26 wasn’t perfect--I still didn’t care for the AAA plot, Thor and Barf need to be gone fast, and BA is kind of a one dimensional villain I want to like more than I do.  Engin and the rest of the friends were better this episode--Serkan and Engin talked for the first time in what feels like forever, Melo and Ceren were excellent support for Eda, and Serkan and Ferit are still on track to becoming the besties I want them to be.  I’m not 100% sure what Eda’s plan is to get around BA, although maybe she decided to take Serkan’s advice from 13 and just let it all burn down around them and they will be stronger together for it.  Honestly, Serkan was back and on fire this episode (and hotter than ever as a result) so maybe she knows that together, it doesn’t matter what BA is gonna do. 

We don’t know what is coming in the next few weeks, or what is left in front of us.  We’ve had a string of disappointing episodes.  But Serkan and Eda have been apart for 11 episodes and they are finally back together and on the same page at the same time for the first time ever in their relationship.  

In closing, I’ll leave you with this.  Regardless of how you feel about 26, Eda Yılız, chronic “leaper before looker” took the time to steal back Serkan’s ring, get together that look, find the world’s most extra ring box, sneak onto Serkan’s private plane, and then recreate their first real moment together (which we were oh so recently reminded of) in order to ask the love of her life to marry her.  And that is beautiful, no matter how many subplots get lost or editing goes bad.  Eda Yıldız asked Serkan Bolat to marry her with a ring with her name inside it on a plane where they first went from “nothing to something”.  Poetry and  parallels and I loved it.  

[dragobsessedandposessed]

Lets talk about growth.

August 2016. I’m starting my sophomore year in undergrad. Last semester, I had my revelation and dove into the two Earth Sciences intro courses. I’m starting my first advanced core course in the curriculum. Geochemistry. It’s a 300 level.

I walk in the room, early as always, for the first day of class. New faces stream in. Nobody sits next to me. I sat in the first table in front of the door. Two minutes before class starts a senior rushes in and slides into the seat next to me and warmly introduces herself. Sophia.

The first Wednesday lab there are trays of six rocks and ten minerals, unlabeled. Half the class has taken min/pet (the class about rocks and minerals). Half the class has not. We are told we need to get reasonably familiar with these specimens so we can have context for the geochemistry course content. We get a mini lecture on rock and mineral ID. We do a lab. Sophia can pick everything up and just say “sodium rich plag(ioclase)”. I am completely lost. She tries to walk me through but I don’t get it. I can’t see it. What’s cleavage? Is this greasy or vitreous lustre? Did this streak or not?

I am frustrated. We are told we have a quiz on Friday. I email the prof and ask if she can meet in private. She emails the class and invites anybody. Six people show up. She stays with me and one other girl until 5:30. I’m still struggling but I’ve come up with little cheat cheats for remembering the obvious ones.

I am frustrated and it is obvious. Misty eyes and everything. My professor sits down next to me and says “I know it feels kinda like drinking out of a firehose right now. It’s a lot of information to throw at you. The only reason I can do this is because I’ve spent years locked in a basement with these guys. It takes time. And practice. Hah! And I’m not giving you those!”

She was trying to make me feel better. But I was mortified that I had let a professor see me so frustrated and teary eyed. I thought she thought I was a child. But really, I was frustrated with not knowing how to handle struggling in school. It never happened before. My grades were inconsistent on the first couple labs. My exam grades fine. But it was the hardest class I ever had taken. And it was enthralling. Every day at lunch I’d say to my friends “my brain explodes out of my head like twenty times a class!” I was desparate to learn. I put in the work. I read the textbook paragraph by paragraph, trying to absorb. I watched youtube videos to help me.

Our final project was a mercury research project of our own design. Soph was my partner. And now one of my best friends. She introduced me to the other students in the department, who are all awesome, and things get warmer. I have this idea to study soils at a site related to my job. The prof is completely into it and thinks it’s really exciting. And she knows it’s really my project, even if Soph is my partner. I still think she thinks I’m a failure.

She is so enthusiastic about this dang project. Keeps dropping hints “you know if you wanted to continue this project I’d support you. I mean you already know how to use the instrument and I could get you keys to the lab from Deb.” “This could really be a thesis.” She and I talk about my job. She has this idea about strontium isotopes and we talk about it on a couple occasions. She says that if we did it, she’d take me with her to the lab where she does all her research. Fly out to Arizona in the summer. Between these conversations I got questions wrong on assignments and labs and exams. I said inelegant things. I thought she thought I was stupid.

I convinced myself. In spite of all evidence. That I was stupid and doing everything wrong. But I simultaneously became so sure that this was everything I wanted to do with my life. I have a post saved in my drafts from that semester. It says “I know what I want to do in my life. Geochemistry. Specifically isotope geochemistry. I love it and it’s all I want to do”. But I thought I wasn’t good enough while so desparate to be.

And it was all lies. I was lying to myself. I was too hard on myself.

It’s the first day of 2019. That august when I was almost crying over a box of rocks is two and a half years behind me. What’s happened since then?

The very next semester that professor called me into her office. She told me I was on the top of her list to join a project the Smithsonian contacted her about. I dove in. She flew me to Arizona and I did that lab work. I took that project to two professional conferences. At the first, I gave a poster. At the second, I had a 15 minute talk in the middle of a 4 hour session with 20 minutes for cumulative questions at the end. Every. Question. Was for me. I am first author on a peer reviewed scientific paper on that project.

She was thrilled to be my thesis advisor on a completely different project starting one year later. More isotope geochemistry. I flew to Arizona for a second time. That project had so many ups and downs. So many successes and failures. But it never got me down, truly. It was hard, but I never doubted that I could make it work through the frustrations and confusions. I’m getting honors on my senior research thesis. The department gave me not one but two awards for my research. I wrote and got fully funded three grants for that project.

I had the guts to apply for a research expedition to the remote arcitc. I got accepted. I went. It was hard. But incredible. Stunning. I presented that at a conference too. I’m writing my second peer reviewed publication now. I haven’t graduated from my undergrad.

Every single one of my professors individually approached me and told me I should be applying to a hyper-competitive national fellowship because they think I stand a real chance. I submitted my application in October. Fingers crossed till April!

I also took the rocks and minerals class. I was the teaching assistant for Geochemistry this past semester. The first time it’s been offered since I took it. The professor and I walked among the tables as students were struggling through their packets. I sat down with people and guided their eyes until they saw it. I shared my story with them. It resonated.

I’ve had a career/course request/grad school chat with probably every single junior and sophomore in the department because they come to me for advice. They recognize me as someone relatable but successful. That means everything to me.

And guess what? Here I am, applying to graduate school. In what? Isotope geochemistry. I was right, two and a half years ago, about one thing. Not that I was stupid or unworthy or incapable. Certainly not that my professor hated me. She’s said multiple times that she hates sitting through graduation but isn’t going to make any excuses this year because she needs to cry as I walk across the stage. I was right that isotope geochemistry is gonna be my life. I’ve already made it my life for two whole years. Every professor I’ve interviewed with has told me know impressive my research experience is. They wonder why I’m doing an M.S. and not a PhD. I emailed one the other day telling her I don’t plan on applying to her program because she can’t offer me an M.S., and she wished me the best and told me to get back in touch if I want a PhD after my M.S.

And guess what? I can look at myself in the mirror and say “you are amazing. Look what you’ve accomplished. I am proud of you and all that you’ve done. You are driven and strong and smart and take advantage of every last opportunity. You are deserving of everything you’ve achieved. You are loved, respected, and appreciated. Never doubt yourself. You’ve proved yourself.” And that is so so sweet. I’m still hard on myself, but it’s because I know I’m so capable. And it doesn’t get me down, it moves me forward. And it doesn’t stop me from acknowledging my accomplishments. That was my pitfall two and a half years ago.

So for 2019, I want a continuance. I will continue to be staunch and self-assured, even in the face of rejection. I will make the best decisions for myself because I wholly deserve it. I will be kind to myself. I have lots of great adventures in store. Lots to look forward to. So much potential. I speak this into existence in 2019. And I will practice it.

[cloudstarcats]

hiya!! just doing a little check up! (if you feel that this is annoying or too invasive please delete this ask, and deepest apologies!) drank any water? eaten anything? showered? had a little snack? taken a walk? remember to drink every 5-20 mins! dehydration is not sexy!

It's not too invasive at all, thank you! I have indeed drank some water, and I ate a little while ago. Honestly I should probably shower tomorrow, i spent like all day outside and in a pool with my family lol. Dehydration is indeed not sexy, i have drank so much water I am actually a little proud of myself? However I should probs be going to bed, its late where I am now.

thank you for the ask! This was really sweet to get, being like, my second ask ever- honestly I love little reminders like this, be it from a random online post of a break in the middle of a youtube video telling me to get up and drink water. Thank you so much anon! <3

[goodguidanceptc]

Louisville IM Race Report October 14, 2018

Welcome coaches, training buddies, close friends and masochists/insomniacs. As with prior race reports, be warned that this post contains STRONG LANGUAGE. Here goes:

Abstract:

Read the Athlete Guide. Always. Miserable cold and wet conditions. Water temp warmer than air temp, wetsuit legal. Absurd Swim (shortened due to aggressive current); T1 was all about gear choices; Adequate Bike under demanding conditions; T2 was also all about gear choices; Tough Run. Two key takeaways: 1) Read the Athlete Guide; 2) I haven't quite properly calibrated in-race fueling.

Total race time result = 10:18*

* Under grossly dis-humane weather conditions and my own flubs, that is a good result...with which I am completely unsatisfied. A no-surprise, well-managed bike and a somewhat uneven run (matched stand-alone marathon result). Feel free to stop reading now.

Pre-Race (aka: “the Dumbening”)

I cannot emphasize strongly enough: no matter how many races you’ve done, how confident you may be in knowing the procedures, the timing, the places, etc... read and re-read the Athlete Guide.

So although I cannot provide details, just know that I--through my own dumbness--was told to acquire my timing chip in T1 after an official manually noted my swim start time, while standing on the dock to jump into the Ohio River. Clearly communicated in multiple places: check-in closes at 5pm Friday. 

Brief rewind: woke up, standard pre-race breakfast, uneventful gear check and load bottles onto bike, walked over to Swim in. Shoulda found an IM staffer then, but didn’t think. Just didn't think it through; too cold and pre-race- process oriented. Got a little tunnel vision to get to the front of the self-seeded “1-1:10″ swim line. 

Announcer: The current is so strong, some of the pros were struggling to get up river. Swim shortened to .9 mile, in other words an Olympic distance. Race delayed. 

Some squats to stay warm, chat up some folks in line, never once thought to go  get my chip before passing though that big black arch.

Swim (:18 min or 1:18/100 pace)

I swear to you by all the barge traffic and catfish whiskers in the Ohio River, there is no way I was in that river for 18 minutes. More on this in T1. Feet first into the river, sight that first buoy and...

Ever look through a kaleidoscope? Or imagine a Disney version of puke from a flying whale?  The view from my goggles was: 

[Kayaks + swim caps + buoys]

X

(river current exceeding posted speed limits) 

= 

flying Disney whale puke (as I imagine it rendered)

Just utter chaos. I aimed for the big wall, hit the metal steps and out. To quote one of my training partners, “My hair barely got wet.”

T1 (9:20)

Up the steps and skipped the peelers. Rationale: stay as warm as possible as long as possible. Jogged to changing tent, quickly passed the clumping “under 1 hour” swimmers, grabbed a chair near the exit.

Decision time on what to wear and how much skin to cover for the bike. I went with 100% coverage. Socks, thermal legs, long sleeves, gloves, balaclava. Plastic bag under the jersey and five of those little hand warmers hunters use (squeeze and shake for 6+ hours warming) in my back jersey pockets.

Out to bike rack, unhook and... it’s find-my-chip time. Found an IM staffer who radioed multiple people before finally sending me past the Bike Out arch to where the chip folks were.

I.  Stood. There.  Forrr -- evv -- errr. 

Trying to alleviate my own frustration and anxiety, I literally put my head in my hands and made Hulk sounds.

Now, even in my adrenalized and hyper-performance-oriented state, I remember that I brought this shit on myself. So any expectation of special treatment, expedited problem-solving or what I call the lack of a “hop to!” by IM staffers simply cannot be criticized.  This crapola? All.  On.  Me.

Furthermore, I'm grateful. (Check prior race reports, if you must. OR just trust me when I say that...) I thank all the volunteers and cops and EMTs and Traffic Management and general staff within earshot. No matter what speed I’m biking or running. Seriously. I’m all about appreciation.

All that said, Swim and T1 times are clearly inaccurate. Although IM staff noted the time of day I jumped into the water, another IM staffer wrote my time on a clipboard when they activated my chip and yet another other IM staff told me they’d estimate my T1 time. But I didn’t know precisely where to go in T1. So I lingered.

[So again: read the Athlete Guide.]

And if you are ever in that situation--which I guaran-frikkin-tee you I will NEVER be--I recommend you DO NOT stop to ask questions. Continue until you happen upon the chip folks. Worst case: you miss them and back track... the biking equivalent of going back to get dropped nutrition.

Bike (5:43)

While I definitely did not feel myself relax heading down River Road, I did feel a certain familiar comfort. I’d ridden this course a few times so even in the cold, wet wind, I was pretty confident I could manage the bike.

In the spirit of gratitude, whether passing or getting passed, I try to say something positive (looking good, go git some, stay strong).

Even on a hilly course, I ended up pacing with a few others. I try to be sensitive to any ‘gamesmanship’ (I’m not trying to get in your head competitively) but I'm definitely chatty. And the cold and wet just invited comment, even if only to distract from the misery.

Stick out and first loop was uneventful other than the number of people shivering on the sides of the route. Second loop had more than a few cars on course that seemed patient and considerate (relatively, IMO) but still required careful negotiations.

A FEW FIRSTS FOR ME

BLINDING ANGER. I admit I might have been “kicking the cat” but I’ve never experienced this on course.

On the back side of the loop, in the narrow stretch of blacktop through the small neighborhood just after the long descent out of La Grange, there’s short, steep descent with a well-marked/painted “BUMP” before a short, steep uphill. I’m a technically strong and confident cyclist so getting through here on the first loop was a piece of cake. Second time though, there was a hefty pack of windbreakers weaving(!) across the entire width of the road. Despite shouting “on your left” repeatedly and loudly, I had to brake. On an uphill. Dropped my chain. Nearly fell. Unclipped.  All in the tiny 8ish yards of that short ascent. 

What did I do? Stood there trying to get my chain back on and swearing profusely that dickhead bucket-listers with fucking no fucking business fucking leaving their fucking strip-mall periodontist practices should fucking learn to handle their goddamn bikes.

As I passed them on the descent towards the hay-bale bullseye, I gently advised them about blocking, race etiquette and having some goddamn self-awareness. In my defense, I averaged very nearly 20mph that day. And when I accidentally felt somebody too close as they passed, I always apologized. In retrospect, I’m sorry I was that guy right then. 

PROFOUND SOLITUDE Stay with me as I get a little bing-bongy here... At the split to repeat the loop or return on the stick, most folks (the fat part of the bell curve) go left for their second loop.  I was returning on the stick. 

Suddenly I was not saying or hearing “on your left” or listening for the difference between aero wheels or a passing car. 

I was alone. Like the guy in that Robert Frost poem. Miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep. And the mental chatter started. Cold. Grey. Wet. Stupid. Wasteful. What ego on you, chump. Clips from Moby Dick, Chapter 96. Burning ship, drove on to some vengeful deed. Gloom. There is a wisdom that is woe; but there is a woe that is madness. ee cummings A Leaf Falls. 

[Stop wasting your time with this race report. Go read some actual writers.]

Even my mantras had abandoned me. I may have started singing or rapping something from my training playlist to shut down the negative chatter. And that’s about when I realized how well I was managing this bike leg. I think that’s called a paradox.

DON’T BLOW IT NOW Somewhere along one of the last ascents, I realized that I’d dressed properly! Coach Robbie’s advice for plastic grocery bag was spot on. Sure the toes and fingers were cold, but functional. Ears and neck felt okay and core temp was a non-issue. I wondered if I’d taken enough calories (thought: probably) but come on! I’d handled some real shitball conditions pretty well. 

T2 (8:49)

Pulled off everything soaking wet except kit shorts. Replaced with dry thermal long-sleeve top, dry hat, dry gloves. Run belt, bottle, dry socks, shoes. Go.

While neither T1 or T2 were very fast, I really didn’t linger in the warmth. I remember thinking, “Take two deep breaths, make this decision and move it.” In other words, time was spent actually changing clothes.

BTW, Transition volunteers? True Guardian Bros. Can’t thank em enough.

Run (3:58 aka: avg 9:03/mi)

Two MAJOR joyous moments within the first mile:

1) As we’d pre-planned, my unbelievably awesome wife told me I was 18 minutes behind a podium slot. She told me later that I barked, “FUCK!” Regardless, I steal a kiss every race.  Better than a GU and just as sweet. [Yes she reads these. Wink!] 

2) Coincidentally, she was standing a few feet from Coach Robbie (C26), who I recognized but accidentally called Mike (his podcast co-host who I knew was on course). I think I shook his hand? Or maybe just shouted a happy shout?

So those two intercepts helped make the first 25% of the run all good.  I kept turning down the pace because, as Coach Robbie has said, “your legs are lying to you.”

Then all that good ju-ju abandoned me like buoys on the Ohio River on the backside of the first loop.

I’d dropped my Infinit before finishing the entire first 24oz bottle. Why not stop and get it? I got no good rational answer. Ditched hat and gloves and actually rolled up my sleeves. My legs and shoes were soaked. (Walk-peeing wasn’t doing me any favors.) 

I felt better once I had another bottle from my Special Needs bag, but by then I’d already burned my biscuits (another C26 gem) so I was well below my planned and expected 8:40/mile pace.

I may have even cried a little. Apologies to extremely helpful volunteer who graciously ignored a grown-ass man losing his shit. I KNOW i was talking to myself, “It’s all in your head. Move it.” and other more terrible words.

The last 25% in-bound was an exercise in utter stubbornness. Coke Gatorade Coke Gatorade Coke Gatorade and tons of verbal self-flagellation to keep going. I sincerely believe I passed two guys in my AG out of pure self-loathing.

The Fourth Street Live finish lived up to the hype. There’s photographic evidence that I actually smiled as I crossed and nearly collapsed (again, super kudos to the volunteers). I was wheeled straight to medical, shivering and borderline shock-ey. Broth, blankets, checked vitals (core temp too low). As planned, Susan brought me multiple layers of dry clothes. Changed. Got my mental shit together after finding out I’d finished 16th. Gold star to Al V., the med tent massage therapist. Another Guardian Bro.  Limped home.

OVERALL RACE GRADE: PASS

As with prior races, IM-LOU yielded incremental improvements in all racing phases. As I said at the top, this was a good result, with which I am completely unsatisfied.

Am I one of the guys at the pointy end of the bell curve? Clearly yes. 

Did I KQ? Unequivocal NO. Not even close.

There is clearly opportunity for additional incremental improvements to all five aspects of my racing:

Swim pace was an anomaly. 3x/wk in the lap pool could be improved by 2x/wk in endless pool.

Bike power was lost due to shitass Garmin tech. But from what I remember, I was mostly high Z2 with relatively few power spikes given the course and conditions. I definitely managed the bike with patience and smarts.

Run suffered due to fueling strategy that is just not... quite...perfected. And again, deplorable conditions.

Fuel strategy. I over corrected from IM-AZ (early run GI problems). Calories, liquids (no solids) and delivery method feels right. Timing around T2 needs tweaking.

Transitions were what they were. MY dumbassery in T1 was offset by my smart gear decisions.

See you in New Zealand in March, 2019!

WITH GRATITUDE FOR...

I’m very grateful to my lovely wife Susan and my wonderful kids, Peter and Veronica for their support. Susan, you are my salvation.

I’m grateful to have the expert professionals Coach Klebacha and Coach Sharone and the entire Well-Fit staff and athletes who generously share their wisdom.

I’m grateful to my inspiring and impressive training partners, including but not limited to the TriFam, the Well-Fit Elite Team (too many bad-asses to list but special GOLD STARS to LIZ and LAURA) and other triathlete rockstars like Nic, Dana, Andrew, John, James, Tony, and all the Pauls and Mikes.

I’m very grateful to anybody willing to excuse my terrible smell, deplorable language and barbaric sounds during training.

Maximum gratitude to Well-Fit, FFC, UIC, Whitney Young, Get-A-Grip, Live Grit, Fleet Feet, the Lakeshore path, Louisville Landsharks.

I’m grateful for Crushing Iron (C26), Matt Fitzgerald, Joe Friel, Training Peaks, Scott brand bikes, Apple, Ironman.

Thank you to all the on-course maniacs cheering and making signs and wearing all sorts of crazy outfits to show love and support. For strangers exercising.

Special thanks and appreciation to Bernie Mc for the most amazing on course support. Extra special Top Marks to Bernie!

I’m grateful that I’m able to race triathlons. Thanks for reading.

[brianna-lei]

Butterfly Soup Asks #17

The squad playing Overwatch, yaoi hands, and more! man I still have a lot left in my inbox after this... 

I’ve spent an obscene amount of time playing Overwatch so I have many thoughts on this Neither Diya nor Noelle have ever played a first person shooter before, but Noelle studies many strategy guides and videos to prepare beforehand.

Following her research, Noelle chooses Symmetra after memorizing the optimal turret and teleporter/shield matrix placements for each map. Symmetra is a good hero for inexperienced players because she doesn’t require aiming skills, but secretly, Noelle likes her because she is focused and serious. She’s scandalized by her default outfit, but can’t afford to get the Vishkar/Architect skins

Diya sees the dog helmet on Pharah’s Anubis skin and instantly unlocks it, automatically setting her as a Pharah main. Diya is the type to happily choose Pokemon based on cuteness instead of practicality, so this is typical Diya

Min ONLY plays these 4 attack heroes, in this order of preference: 

Reaper (cool and edgy)

Genji (sword is a long knife. only chosen if the above is taken)

McCree (cool. only chosen if the above is taken)

Soldier 76 (a soldier, cool. only chosen if the above is taken)

She’s mechanically very skilled, but in her 100+ hours in game she’s never even ONCE selected a tank, defense, or support hero, not even in skirmish or training, not even when she’s the last one to choose and there’s no healer. Literally 0 minutes on her career stats. 

Akarsha is an ironic Torb main and also a useless Sombra. During their first game together:

Akarsha, selecting Sombra: (affectionately) it's me

Noelle: How is that one you?

In spawn, Noelle can see Akarsha as Sombra with the Battletag “RedFart”

Sombra: (smugly) Hack the PLANET. 

Sombra: (annoyingly) Miss me? 

Noelle: .......... (the game hasn’t even begun yet and she’s already seething)  

Diya manages to get a triple kill with concussion blast through sheer luck before accidentally killing herself with her own rocket. Min constantly spams “I need healing!” in impossible to heal locations, or when she's already being healed but doesn't notice. Whenever she dies she goes “res me”. Akarsha is nowhere to be found. In the kill feed, Diya has managed to accidentally kill herself again with Rocket Barrage. Noelle switches to Mercy and Min blames her for “not healing fast enough”. Eventually, infuriated, Noelle just screams into the voice chat “FINE! DIE ALONE, YOU FOOLS!!!!” and lets her teammates at critical health perish at her feet 

the match ends in defeat but Diya got POTG for her triple kill

Noelle: Akarsha, what were you doing this last match?

Akarsha: Turned invisible

Noelle: YOU'RE NOT ACCOMPLISHING ANYTHING WHILE INVISIBLE

Akarsha: There should be a card for “time spent invisible”

Only Min and Akarsha consider themselves gamers. Diya and Noelle will play Mario Kart at other people’s houses but don’t regularly play games Akarsha: besides DS games like Ace Attorney, she’s particularly addicted to MapleStory

Min: plays more console+pc games, likes CoD and Team Fortress 2

Sakura, Yuki, and Akarsha have all watched magical girl shows at some point. Akarsha’s favorite one is Madoka Magica.

Akarsha likes a lot of Ace Attorney characters and her favorite is Phoenix, she finds him relatable. However, if you ask her, she will answer “Spark Bruschel” (below) 

She dreads it starting from the night before the presentation and have trouble falling asleep from anxiety. As the time to present approaches she’ll get more and more nervous and sweaty to the point that she won't have an appetite and her stomach hurts

As she's presenting, if she has note cards or a powerpoint to read off of, she stares at that the whole time and reads at lightning speed. Diya has to write down what she's going to say word for word, she can't just put chunks and phrases on note cards because she wont be able to construct a coherent sentence. her life flashes before her eyes whenever she stutters or messes up a sentence

If she doesn't have anything to read off of, she stares at inanimate objects instead of the audience, completely blanks out, and sometimes when she can't recover from that she panics and tries to end the presentation prematurely by suddenly going back to her desk. just bad all around 

Noelle has good posture, the others are all pretty eh and slouch sometimes. In particular, Diya slouches a lot when she’s with Noelle because Noelle was taller than her in elementary school and Diya still isn’t used to the fact that she outgrew her. 

It’s similar to how Min’s brain actually can’t fully process that she’s way shorter than Diya. When confronted directly with the fact Min will acknowledge it, but it hasn’t really sunk in, at all. Diya was only a little bit taller when they were kids, so in her gut that’s how it’ll always be.  I experience this with my childhood friends too LOL I still instinctively feel like I’m taller than my friend who’s now like 5′8″ (I’m 5′2″) 

THIS IS INCREDIBLY SPECIFIC ASJKDHFA

I feel like Diya and Hayden have long-ish hands because they’re big, but not yaoi hands level i dont know what to say 

--Tumblr wouldn’t save my post after this, so I copied it into Word and pasted them back in. It worked, but now some of the asks ARE THE WRONG SHADE OF BLUE.....

(For those who don’t know, the song lyrics say “Her name is Noelle”)  Yes, and this also reminded me that whenever Christmas songs say “Noel”, Akarsha annoyingly points it out like “it’s you Noelle” 

It came from leftover dinner from the night before, which Noelle’s mom cooked

I have, I also love seeing all the different ways everyone writes the characters! Thank you fanfic writers!! ;u;

Hayden: 5′11″

Jun: 5′8″

adding this to the FAQ, thanks!

It’s not mentioned why she has a bandaid as a teenager. I have something specific in mind but it may come up in the sequel so I won’t say anything else about it

Here’s their birthdays from oldest to youngest:

Noelle: January 18

Akarsha: April 20

Min: July 4

Diya: November 26 I haven’t come up with the birthdays of other characters yet (except Jun, whose birthday is the same as Min’s haha)

Yes, stay tuned :>

Yup, that pose was reffed off of Trucy’s surprised sprite! I love how over-the-top it looks 

OMG...I hate miscommunication as a cause of conflict in stories so don’t worry, there’ll never be a choice with disastrous consequences like that in any of my games! 

I’m really glad to hear this, I sometimes wonder “should I have made them older?” but this is ultimately why I made them the age they are! I think a lot of people in their 20s instinctively feel 14 is too young because they’ve forgotten what they themselves were like at 14. I kept journals so I have evidence haha 

You’re welcome, I’m really glad she was relatable!! Noelle has a Chinese name and goes to Saturday Chinese school, but I haven’t decided on what it is :( Maybe someday...

I REALLY want to sell Butterfly Soup merch like charms/prints/diya’s hoodie but bc I’m busy I haven’t had a chance to set it up yet >_> It’s my goal to accomplish this by the end of the year

It’s currently only available for the computer, sorry! There’s nothing questionable in this for 14 year olds -- there’s profanity, but there isn’t any explicit sexual content or nudity in it!

I’m glad that detail resonated with you!! I’m also self conscious of my hair (opposite problem, it’s EXTREMELY coarse) so I added it ^^;

A few were drawn from scratch, but most of them are at least partially drawn over photos I took

You can download it here, it’s a creative commons free song! 

Yep this was fixed! I was so appalled this wasn’t caught before the game was released haha

Aw thank you!!

You’re welcome!!! The game hasn’t even been out for 2 months yet, I can’t believe people love it enough to replay it already ;u;

[techcrunchappcom]

New Post has been published on https://techcrunchapp.com/county-mine-inspector-candidates-answer-questions-news-sports-jobs/

County mine inspector candidates answer questions | News, Sports, Jobs

An area of subsidence on a former mining site behind a fallen fence near an all-terrain vehicle trail south of Negaunee is shown. (Journal photo by Lisa Bowers)

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is the third story in a four-part series about former mine properties, legislation surrounding their safety and the responsibilities of the county mine inspectors and property owners in Michigan.

MARQUETTE — A four-year term as Marquette County mine inspector is up for grabs in November. Three Democratic candidates appear on the Aug. 4 primary ballot in Marquette County. No Republican candidates appear on the ballot.

Each candidate was asked to answer four questions regarding how they would fulfill the duties of the position. Here are their answers:

Steve Bertucci

≤ Describe your background and why it makes you the best qualified person to hold the position of county mine inspector?  

I worked for CCI for 21 years. I started on the fencing crew in 1973, putting up fencing around caving grounds and old abandoned mines. I spent 5 1/2 years underground at the Mather B Mine. The next two years, I worked at the Tilden Mine in the concentrator pellet plant as a plant repairman. For the next 13 years, I worked at the Empire Mine in the concentrator, pellet plant and pit. While at the Empire Mine, I was a member of the safety committee, checking for any violations of unsafe conditions.

≤ Describe the most important aspect of the job of county mine inspector, and why?

The most important aspect is the safety of the employees on the surface and underground, and the people of Marquette County. Duties of the mine inspector are to check all the fences around caving grounds and abandoned mines to make sure they’re in good condition. All active mines have to be checked for safety violations as well as sand and gravel pits. All these inspections must be done to insure the safety of all.

≤ Since the voters would effectively be your boss, how do you plan to hold yourself accountable? How will you keep records of inspections and violations?

I will keep all records of my visits to the active and abandoned mines. All caving grounds and pits will have to be inspected. If any safety violations are found, the proper company will be notified. My report will be given to the Marquette County commissioners.

≤ Education about mining and abandoned mines is a part of the job description of county mine inspector. How do you see yourself educating the public?

I would like to visit the area schools to inform the students of the danger and risk involved with cutting fences and going around the pits and caving grounds. I want to inform the public of the potential danger of old shafts and buildings. I will make sure the proper danger signs are in place.

John A. Hamel

≤ Describe your background and why it makes you the best qualified person to hold the position of county mine inspector?  

I would be the best choice for Marquette County mine inspector due to the fact that I have the best overall knowledge of the mining industry. I have an associate’s degree in industrial technology from Northern Michigan University. My experience in mining is 3.5 years underground sinking inclined shaft 3,000-foot Republic Mine, very similar to the shaft at Eagle Mine. Operated equipment in pit for four years, welder for 12 years, maintenance mechanic for two years, electrician for nine years in the pits and plants of Republic, Tilden and Empire mines. I then became a millwright and worked at Eagle Mine and their processing plant in Humboldt. With my past experience, I can inspect these running mines, electrical systems, mechanical systems and structural integrity of plants and pits, also the general safety condition of the underground mines. As past owner of an excavating business, I had a reputation for getting the job done right and on time. Also for keeping my part of the deal that was promised by me.

≤ Describe the most important aspect of the job of county mine inspector, and why?

The most important aspect of the job of county mine inspector would be to keep abandoned pits and shafts safe from the public, also keeping running mines in safe condition. By doing this, my top priority of keeping the public and working people safe would be accomplished. To accomplish this, all fencing around abandoned mine pits will be inspected and repaired. Also make sure all shafts are capped off properly and all safety warning signs are in place. I would also double-check the existing inventory of abandoned mines and quarries. Making sure I get a GPS reading on all, to make the job more efficient. These records should not be open to the general public, in that it would spark interest for people to go exploring and get hurt. I would allow some of the information to be shared should a special situation arise.

≤ Since the voters would effectively be your boss, how do you plan to hold yourself accountable? How will you keep records of inspections and violations?

My records of inspections and violations would be kept on and backed up on my computer. When looking at barriers, I will be taking pictures of places that need repair and documenting them on my phone. I also would make sure when a running mine is shut down permanently that the proper steps be taken to make it safe. There will be timeframes set up to have repairs done and be reinspected. I will keep an open line of communication with the county commission and public.

≤ Education about mining and abandoned mines is a part of the job description of county mine inspector. How do you see yourself educating the public?

I would like to visit the area schools to inform the students of the danger and risk involved with cutting fences and going around the pits and caving grounds. I want to inform the public of the potential danger of old shafts and buildings. I will make sure the proper danger signs are in place. I will educate kids in school about dangers of abandoned mines. The general public will also be informed about the dangers of abandoned mines.

Allan Koski

≤ Describe your background and why it makes you the best qualified person to hold the position of county mine inspector?

I encourage everyone to vote their heart in this election. Protecting the lives of our children and our local miners is not a partisan issue.

I am a graduate mining engineer from Michigan Tech with over 40 years of experience at the Empire, Tilden and Republic mines. I began as a general laborer at the Empire Mine and worked summers at the mines while attending college. My first position with Cleveland-Cliffs was shift supervisor at the Republic Mine. From there I progressed to various assignments that broadened my knowledge of mining, eventually retiring as senior staff engineer at the Empire and Tilden mines.

My experience includes all phases of mining including mine planning, mine operations, drilling and blasting, health, safety, environmental, mine reclamation, project engineering, facilitating and leading teams. I have taken courses that include the U.S. Environmental Regulatory Framework and Planning and Design for Mine Closure. I developed good working relationships with management and union leadership and worked collaboratively with regulatory agencies such as the Michigan Department of Environment, Great Lakes and Energy; the Environmental Protection Agency; the Mine Safety and Health Administration; the Michigan Department of Natural Resources; and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. As mine inspector I will provide leadership and interact with others in ways that enhance understanding and respect, while developing effective relationships.

I currently serve Gov. Gretchen Whitmer as an appointee to the board at the Michigan Iron Industry Museum, representing Michigan’s mineral industry, something that I have done for over 20 years having been previously appointed by Govs. Jennifer Granholm and John Engler. I know the mines of Marquette County and am currently co-authoring a book on the history of the Empire Mine. I understand the importance of mine safety (as both my great-grandfather and his brother were killed in Negaunee mines).

≤ Describe the most important aspect of the job of county mine inspector, and why?

The highest priority of the office of mine inspector is the safety of the miners working in the local mines and quarries and the safety of the public, especially children, with over 200 abandoned open pits, shafts and excavations throughout the county. Currently, there are water-filled pits and shafts that either lack adequate fencing or have damaged or vandalized fencing, which is mandated by state law.

I will create a list of the 25-30 most dangerous shafts and pits, including the names of surface and mineral owners, that need attention. I will submit the list to the county board and ask for their input. Proper fencing and signage can be expensive. Expense means nothing if it can save one life. I will meet with the owners to develop responsible solutions. Lacking cooperation, enforcement remains the final option.

I will collaborate with Northern Michigan University’s Earth, Environmental and Geographical Sciences Department to develop an online map that’s easily accessible to every county resident, pinpointing every abandoned and active mine in the county. County residents have a right to know whether abandoned mines exist in their neighborhoods.

Michigan law states that active mines will be inspected once every 60 days and I will comply.

≤ Since the voters would effectively be your boss, how do you plan to hold yourself accountable? How will you keep records of inspections and violations?

I will formalize electronic record keeping in the inspector’s office. This system will preserve records permanently and make the transition from one inspector to the next easier. Each abandoned mine inspection will be documented to include a checklist of items, such as proper signage, proper fencing, new subsidence or erosion and evidence of trespassing. Inspections of active mines will be similarly documented. Inspection records will be summarized and submitted to the county board. I will provide regular updates of my work with appearances at county board meetings, either as an agenda item or part of the public comment at the beginning and end of the meetings.

My plans are ambitious. Michigan statutes allow the mine inspector to appoint up to three deputy inspectors for the purpose of discharging the duties of the office. All deputy inspectors are under the supervision of the mine inspector and their duties prescribed by him.

I will need a few knowledgeable men or women volunteers with good communication skills to assist and accompany me. This provides a succession plan for the next inspector. In the unlikely event I am run over by a bus, there will be someone to step in without skipping a heartbeat.

≤ Education about mining and abandoned mines is a part of the job description of county mine inspector. How do you see yourself educating the public?

Activity in caving areas needs to be addressed. The most serious issue is children exploring abandoned mines, unaware of the hazards. Adults are equally responsible. I will schedule a town hall in Negaunee to listen and understand. Why? Not that long ago, Aaron Boersma, 16, of Caspian lowered himself into a mine pit with a rope tied to a tree and drowned in the water.

I will develop a public awareness campaign working with the county board. I will be available to speak to organizations and schools. When it existed, I taught a week-long course about mining for three years in the four west end school districts’ summer Gifted and Talented program. When Cleveland-Cliffs began the Partnerships in Education program, I presented in approximately 50 public school classrooms. I have presented to the Future Historians at the Iron Industry Museum. Within the past year, I presented to two groups at NMU on the topic of mine reclamation. I am comfortable speaking with groups and will continue to do so.

I will have an “open-door” policy and be available to listen to the many diverse voices found in our wonderful county to appropriately address all questions and concerns related to mining.

Lisa Bowers can be reached at 906-228-2500, ext. 242. Her email address is lbowers@miningjournal.net.

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[cactus-titty]

18-25th October

It feels like an eternity since my last post but its really only been about a week. I can’t really remember all the things I did so I’ll look back over my photos and talk about each one based around it.  A lot of the time I’ve been at home doing work so sometimes there hasn’t been much to talk about. The 22nd was planned to be Tsubasa’s wedding which Kaito and I were going to go together. I found out a little while before that also another guy that went to City College, Jordan, was going to come and would be arriving in Japan on the 21st. He was mainly Kaito’s friend but Kaito said he was busy that day until later so he asked if I could hang out with Jordan until then.

I met him at the train station around 1pm on the 21st so I could show him around. We had Gyoza and then found a bar with cheap drinks on Doutonbori. We were there until quite late and then once Kaito finished work we went to his house to meet him. I had to stop off at my house on the way to grab my suit and everything I needed since I would stay at Kaito’s house and then go early the next day to Himeji city. All three of us had some drinks and I was able to see Kaito’s mum for the first time since I was here last. Shes really nice.

The next day I strangely felt hungover. I also realised while I had brought my suit and tie and dress shoes, I forgot my dress shirt. I felt like an idiot but since I was kind of hungover I was just giggling about it. I wore my tie with the shirt anyway hoping no one would notice so much. Also just taking the tie off and wearing t-shirt only didn’t look that bad.

We took the train to Himeji and it took quite a while, maybe an hour and 20 mins. Once there we made our way to where the wedding was being held. Immediately I saw some people from City College who I hadn’t seen since then. We had the wedding ceremony, then after that wen’t for the feast. Overall the wedding felt very epic. The ceremony itself was nice and the area where we all ate had a big like view camera set up almost as if it was a stage to see the performer better and there was lots of pre-prepared videos and even videos that were immediately prepared from the ceremony played throughout the feast. There was about 6 courses, they were small but they were gourmet. Also it was all you could drink alcohol. I held off on the alcohol most of the day up until after we started eating but I started drinking about 2 or 3pm. At my table was Jordan, and two other guys had been to New Zealand. Once went to city college and one was living in Wellington. Other than those two there was about 5 other people that had been living in Wanganui. Most had gone to City College but one went to Wanganui High School. Even though I didn’t know them well or at all in the past I felt I immediately made friends with all of them. I felt kind of pissed that there was a ‘foreigner table’ which is where all the non native Japanese speakers were placed. It was a good thing for one of the guys at the table because he was Korean I think and couldn’t speak any Japanese but also I would have been very happy to suit with all the Japanese guys who went to city college. We took a picture of everyone from the ‘wanganui crew’ with Tsubasa the groom who obviously himself went to City College.

Looking at this photo I’m wishing I was able to cut my hair in time. I tried to order clippers but they didn’t come fast enough then it was too late for me to find a place to cut my hair. I’ve cut it now though. The guy to the right of me is the one that was doing an exchange to Wanganui High School. Hes from Tokyo and I made friends with him and he said we should hang out when I’m there so he’s kind of my third friend from that area. The guy to the left of me I knew at City College kind of, but him and I were both shy back then so we didn’t become friends. Now he said we should hang out some time if I’m ever in Hiroshima, which I plan to do.

 The feast, or dinner, or whatever it’s called went till quite late. About 4. Then we had the after party that started at 5. There was again, more drinks and more food to be had. This place seemed really cool because when the event started they showed a video about the rules of the place, except they actually made it a joke and it was really funny. It said something like “We ask everyone stay in your… NO SIT WHEREVER YOU WANT!” and just a whole lof of things like that. They also started like a gameshow where you used an app on your phone to participate in quizzes, the questions were based around the bride and groom, and also one question was who can chug a bottle of cola the fastest, and they got me to be one of the participants. So I had to go up in front of everyone and then say a little something and then after people voted for who they thought could chug the fasted, all four of us started. Even though I got voted for the most (I guess coz I’m a big foreigner they would assume I’m a fatty who loves cola) I couldn’t even finish it, but besides that, another guy finished it within 4 seconds I was shocked. Also impressed with myself having no problem getting up in front of everyone and also speaking Japanese even thought it was only a little.

I didn’t get many photos of the place, but here are two. It was dark outside by this point. After this, our group discussed what we were going to do from now and we told them that us three (Kaito Jordan and I) were going to take the train back. The others decided to stay until the next day. They had thought about coming to Osaka with us (the two in the photo to the left and right of me in the large group photo and also the second guy from the left) but decided against it. Once we got to station ready to leave it turned out all trains were stopped due to the incoming typhoon with no indication of whether or not they would start again.  The wind was pretty crazy. I couldn’t help but think it wasn’t really that bad compared to Wellington but I guess it was still worse than that.  Yusuke’s umbrella broke and it was crack up. In fact, everyone’s umbrella broke except mine because I know how best to hold them in the wind so they don’t turn inside out.

We contacted our friends again and we all ended up hanging out at an Izakaya drink and eating even MORE in the hopes that later the trains would start again. I pretty much drank all day but somehow was fine. 

After the after after party, we went back to the station. The trains were still stopped. Just some were going, one of the guys got to go home. The other two had a hotel in Himeji so they left. Us three sat down at the station and waited for about an hour. There was still scheduled trains even till 12:30 am so we wanted to see if it might be going. But nothing. We ended up just going to sleep on a train that was sitting at the station. It was a terrible sleep but it was free. At 6am we woke up since thats when the first train of the day should start. But still nothing. The first train didn’t come till 9am and since there had been no service for nearly 12 hours it was absolutely packed. People had to squish in and it made the trip which should have taken just over 1 hour take 2 hours. I was stuck standing the whole time and squished to the point where my chest was noticeably compressed. I just relaxed and closed my eyes. Good thing I genuinely don’t mind being in that situation normally. I was so tired though and just wanted to go home so it was kind of hell. 

Because of all this Jordan actually missed his flight back to Tokyo. It was pretty stressful coz there was just nothing anyone could do. If he wasn’t able to get back to Tokyo by that night he would have also missed his flight back to New Zealand. I showed him to the station to buy a Shinkansen ticket to Tokyo. He ended up making back to Toko. I just wanted to sleep. I think i got back to my house 1pm. I just slept. 

The next days were a blur I didn’t really do anything. But on the 24th my friend Carling and her boyfriend arrived to Osaka to spend a couple days leaving on the 26th. We had a plan since long ago that she would stay and I would show her around. First place I took them to was Sushi train since they were hungry for lunch. Then we did some shopping for snacks. Later we went to Dotonbori and I took them to an Izakaya with drinks for only 300 yen each. Carling is a vegetarian and they had a few nice things for her like butter corn, cabbage dipped in miso paste, and edamame. Me and Jordon (her boyfriend, same name as the Jordan from the other day) got some meat skewers. They were both so into Calpis chuuhai (calpis soda mixed with alcohol) and were mad they didn’t know about it earlier since before Osaka they were in Tokyo and went to some other places. 

They also had never been to karaoke yet so I took them to a good one. We got a few more drinks there too. 

They loved karaoke. They paid for my food and stuff throughout the day which was really nice. 

The next day we had planned to go to Universal Studios Japan together, but I realised I felt too tired and also needed to do some work. For the morning they went to Kobe without me and I did some work. Around 4pm they came back and we went out for dinner with Sae to a really cool place that had lots of local vegetables from all over Japan and also pizza. We told them Carling was a vegetarian and they were very understanding and checked which items were ok since some things had chicken stock in it and the dipping sauce had anchovy based flavouring. Not what you’d normally expect in Japan since usually they will assume somethings vegetarian but completely forget about everything in it that’s actually not. They gave her special stuff.

I didn’t take any photos of this place sadly but after that we spent a bit more time at a cafe that also has alcohol. I had a cocktail and a jin and orange juice. Carling and Sae has a sangria. It was fun bringing Sae because she can speak good English.

They had their flight to Korea the next day and were getting tired so we said goodnight to them and me and Sae hung out for a bit longer and had 2 more drinks and McDonalds. I brought my speaker to a park and we had a little party.

[survivor-iceland]

Ep. 5 - “i want to see a live reaction to this in the reunion chat” - Maynor

Stephen

Ahahaha by the grace of the inactivity gods im still here. This is my karma for suffering through the preseason of Erinsborough. Now, I may not have actually gone home, but who knows I had an gut feeling and those are usually right.

Stephen

*laughing about surviving* Jay: Music Videos! *stops laughing*

Dylan C

me: [volunteers to edit for this challenge] me: [regrets this 5 min later]

John

ok i have a LOT of tea that needs spilled so sit back, relax, and enjoy this feature presentation:

-first things first, cormac. why couldn’t you have just voted. i would have one more ally and stephen would be out. so thanks.

-second, zoe told me about her advantage and how she has connections to the other side so that we should have a group of 5 at the merge. so that’s mind blowing. i’m just like in shock because in a way, cormac getting pulled allowed me to be zoe’s number 1. and that’s amazing. we stan.

-third, sierra is driving me insane. constant overdrive from her, and she’s starting to cross the divide between helpful and micromanaging. she can micromanage herself out of the game for all i care.

-fourth, timmy is ADORABLE. i’m definitely trying to get a cross tribal alliance with him bc wow. he cute. like really. he’s cute.

Keith John

Well if episodes are named here, This title of this episode would be "How you get screwed When tribal council gets Cancelled."

From being in a safe position last night to waking up and realizing that I am screwed in this game.

First of all, THANK YOU CORMAC for going out at the worst time possible. Last night my name was thrown out by Stephen. So obviously people entertained the idea.I do feel that I would have stayed but Cormac's evac has changed alot.

I had a planned final three with Cormac and Zoe, with Cormac gone. I'm down one alliance member.

Stephen is still in the game. And I know he is targeting me.

Maynor never spoke to me about the vote much. Inspite of me approaching him before tribal to see if he wanted to work together

John. who said he would have my back and would tell me if anyone would throw my name out. Never told me about Stephen's plan. I am sure he knew about it.

Sierra and I haven't bonded much personally. A little my fault there.

And Lastly Zoe. I know for now she definitely has my back. And I have hers but it feels like my game is extremely dependent on her. I feel alot of people want to work with her. And how long will she want to work with me? That I don't know.

Honourary mention: JAY thanks for throwing a challenge that I would suck at the most. I hate being on camera, Hate singing unless I wanna punish someone. 

Raffy

Cormac being gone kind of relieves me since he has been giving me bad vibes ever since day 1 of this game. Now that's just one more person that I do not talk to out of the way. I figure that merge is happening at 11 because Jay said there was a twist which can only mean that it is merge or that someone is coming back into the game. Maybe both. I'm just going to focus on winning this challenge for my tribe by providing the lip sync of my life. This shit is about to be so FIRE.

Raffy

I think I am fully in crackhead behavior. I just messaged 6 people at the same time trying to have conversations with them. This one world has made a mess of me, and I do not like it. Also, I am pretty much giving up on the idol because I don't want to go through the effort of hunting for it. So, instead, I'll just pray that it isn't used against me.

Maynor

Well. Now im not sure if Stephen vote was true or not but i have to rely on that my allies were gunna be with me. Its sad seeing cormac go since he was someone i connected with. But im glad it was done before tribal and not after tribal. Im hoping we could win immunity this round since im still feeling a little nervousish. 

Maynor

Catch me voting out John for calling Timmy cute.

Omg. Like i want to see a live reaction to this in the reunion chat. Them finding out we are dating. 😂😂

Raffy

I kind of put my neck out there in this challenge by suggesting the song. While I am not editing the video, I did make the song suggestion which is almost as important. Perhaps this could lead to my downfall. Furthermore, I talked to Dylan and they said that only themselves, Ellie, Justin, and I submitted videos which means we are missing Timmy's and Joseph's. Plus, editing takes a long time, so Dylan might not even use their videos if they are late. I just hope what people managed to film is enough. I've never won a music video challenge, and I am hoping this game can change that. I'm not that confident though. 

Raffy

I think I have made some strong connections in this tribe and the other. The people who I have talked about staying strong and working together include Justin, John, Dylan, Ellie, Timmy, and Keith. This seems like a diverse group of people that I can fall back on if one ends up turning their back on me. I always have to have back-up allies, otherwise I am liable to get voted out early in merge which I suspect is soon. I just want to establish myself in another alliance, but that seems hard in this game. I don't know who would be in that new alliance, but it would be some combination of the people I mentioned and others who I get good vibes from. Let's pray for me!

John

if rupaul was judging this music video challenge, she’d be telling us to sashay away. we are literally on the level of valentina with her mask on bad.

Ellie

Let’s hope that this damn video comes togather 

Stephen

We’re losing this challenge. Theres only about 4/5 of us in the video, a lot of the video is from the original music video and the rest is... ok, but not great. Dylan CI wanna say we have a better video but I'm gonna be the most biased on the tribe since I edited the damned thing for about four hours. I had to sacrifice some synchronicity a little bit towards the beginning to get Ellie in for the 10 seconds for the extra points. I had originally trimmed her clip to what I could match up the best, but then I double checked the post lol. Hope the judges don't care too much there.

Dylan C

I'm not even gonna go feral. I'm just gonna lay face down on my kitchen floor for a while.

Stephen

I.... okay, im not complaining. But yeah judges thanks but the fuck?

Dylan C

I'm like, actually upset right now? Like not so much that we lost, but that I spent all that time editing, when I've been worried about getting all my homework done this weekend but I volunteered to edit and wasn't about to back out cos that'd be shitty!!, only to lose by 20 motherfucking points. And also? I worked with what my tribe gave me bitch!!! Raffy was the only one who recorded the whole song, Justin did like half, Ellie and Joseph only gave me short clips, and Timmy was sick so he didn't film anything? I just wasted my entire afternoon and evening on this when I have real life shit I should've taken care of, but I made a commitment to my tribe, and for what? Tribal that's going to be happening while I'm at one of my Thanksgiving events! Granted, that was going to occur regardless upon losing since I'll be busy both Thanksgiving and the day after. But fucking still. Kinda just wanna ghost the world atm.

John

i’m kinda torn that we won. on one hand, we’re safe. on the other hand, i wanted to vote out stephen. so like, i’m feeling mixed emotions. these people will be dangerous to take to the merge. i hope it’s not next.

Dylan C

Kinda funny how I was so zazzed to be strategic at the start of this but I really haven’t been since. Strategy? I don’t know her. Also I’ve been ass about socializing one on one with ppl on the other tribe so I have a feeling that’ll bite me in mine. 

Sierra

By some miracle, we’re safe! I’m so glad that we don’t have to vote anyone out right now... especially because I don’t have my vote right now. Maybe I can make it to the merge and hide for the first vote there without having to vote. 

Joseph Collins

I am confusion. Dylan did such a good job editing. Our tribe and group is such a great mix of personalities and stories. And they came together to blend and make an amazing video. I actually got emotional watching it. I was very surprised to find out we lost. And now, we have to vote someone off our tribe. I hate it so much. I feel like it’s gonna be Timmy. He was absent in the time-crunch immunity challenge. Even Justin showed up and showed out which I thought was awesome. I like Timmy. And I feel like this is a hard vote for others so now I have to go be cutthroat Jo

Justin

Alright, so another tribal for us. I feel better than last time, but I'm still not 100% confident I won't be targeted again. Before the results for the challenge came in though, Raffy approached me and started talking to me some more about working together which makes me feel better keeping him around. Especially since I realized that he talks to me more than Ellie, so honestly I want her out now cuz whenever I talk about working together she leaves me on read. So, in conclusion I don't want you in the game lol. At least Raffy talks to me and says he wants to work with me, even if it might be fake. I told Joseph that I would like Ellie out, but he says Timmy cuz he doesn't talk to him and he feels Ellie could be our shield. I don't want him to go yet because I feel like he would vote with me, but I'm not jeopardizing my game to save him since he barely talks to me too. Although Joseph makes a good point that Ellie can make a good shield, I feel like we have other shields to hide behind in Raffy and Dylan. Plus, I feel like she has more connections than Timmy could get if he keeps playing the way he is.

Maynor

Im so happy that we were able to pull of the win in immunity. Im making it to the final 11. I really want to make it far in this game. I am really hoping Timmy stays alive. Like i know its bias cuz we are together. But we normally dont play the game together. Im just hoping we can make it far together this time. Plus ❤️ Jay. It would be amazing if i won this game. Me winning my first and last game would be pretty awesome. So im going to try my hardest.

Timmy

So apparently Justin is going around saying my name. Does this idiot not realize that I’m the reason he stayed last tribal we went to. Like seriously, and apparently he’s telling everyone the same thing that he’ll be with them always. And he calls me inactive, like sorry you message me at 9am when I’m walking into work and j can’t answer you until like 5pm when I get out. He better leave this tribal. I wish it was happening tonight just to also move things forward.

Dylan C

Me? Lying by omission to Ellie? It’s more likely than you’d think. Justin gave me her name earlier, and I tried to talk him out of it. He made a comment about keeping it between us. Now Ellie’s told me that Justin through her name out. “Between us.” Sure, Jan. And hey, I never mentioned it to Ellie or Raffy in our alliance chat (which exists as of last night). So I did keep it between us unlike him. Didn’t mention it because he had a decent point about Ellie’s strong social game, but now isn’t the time to try to get her out, IMO. Especially since I’ve just allied with her. Granted, I’ve turned on allies shortly after making alliances before but that’s not happening in this game. No way. So, I just acted like I didn’t know when Ellie told me and I’ll keep on that. That’s how I’ve been doing a lot: acting like some information people has given me is new to me (usually with Joseph tbh) when it isn’t new at all. Just kinda agree, maybe say I was already thinking about that, but not imply that I’d been Discussing it, depending on how I’m talking to.  

Ellie

So Justin is scrambling like HARDCORE, He threw Timmy’s name out and hen my name out right after saying that we were tight, and he’s so paranoid and it’s driving all of us crazy. Like we have until tomorrow night, chill out. And Jospeh really wants Timmy out but I’m like IF WE TAKE JUSTIN TO MERGE HE WILL FLIP WITHIN FIVE MINUTES!! Timmy might not be the most active but at least he’s fucking loyal. Raffy, Timmy, and I want Justin out so badly. Dylan is trying to listen before making a concrete decision, and Joseph and Justin want Timmy out. Justin even wants me out apparently.

RaffyA lot happened today, so I am going to break it down. Last night, Timmy, Ellie, and I (Just Go With It) discussed the vote early. Timmy suggested that we might want to get rid of Joseph or Dylan since he thought he would be able to sway Justin, since he considers Justin a close ally to him. That's when we all compared notes that Justin had claimed his apparent closeness to everyone on the tribe. This immediately put him on my radar as it could be a sign a double-crosser later down the road. As was not going to push anything since tribal was two days away, however I did talk with Ellie a little bit and she seemed down to vote Justin since she had a close relationship with Joseph and Dylan. While this was happening, Dylan created the Hypothetical Alliance with Ellie and I. This is great news since that means Ellie and I have control over two other votes (Timmy and Dylan) based solely on votes. In this way, whoever I wanted gone would go. Justin messaged me early in the morning asking about the vote. He heavily suggested that we vote for Timmy because he is inactive and bad at challenges, but those are the things that I want in an ally going into a merge. Besides that, Justin was asking incessant, paranoia-filled questions regarding the vote and would not let up. It is safe to say that he doesn't get that he's being incredibly messy and scramble-y when he doesn't have to be. The vote isn't until tomorrow, yet he's acting like it's in thirty minutes! The King of Crack right here! Anyways, so I told Ellie and then she was experiencing the same thing, so we then told Timmy. Timmy instantly wanted him gone which meant what I wanted from the beginning was going to happen. Furthermore, I learned from Ellie that Justin does not trust me and that he thinks I am vague and noncommittal. Not only that, apparently Ellie heard him say her name from someone. This dude is incredibly dangerous for my alliance! So, I was determined to see him go and to get everyone to go after him. Joseph was a tough nut to crack. He was very adamant today about voting out Timmy and keeping Justin. Apparently, Ellie got through to him, but I do not know how well that worked out for her. I have a feeling that Justin also said that he was tight with Joseph to the latter as he did with everyone. And Joseph thinks it is serious which means they'll be a powerful duo going into merge. I have to keep my eye on Joseph and make sure he doesn't slip from my grasp. Other than that, I managed to get Dylan on board with the vote as they thought Justin's paranoia and overall messiness was also a danger going into merge. Finally, Zoe approached me today asking who I felt good with. I knew she was sniffing for an alliance so I said Ellie, Dylan, and Timmy. She suggested that, since a merge was coming soon, that we create an alliance with Dylan, Timmy, and John making us a strong 5. I immediately agreed of course. A strong alliance helps me navigate the merge more comfortably and easily. Plus, in that alliance, I have Dylan and Timmy to have a majority over the decisions. So, if it came down to us 5, I would be good. Not only that, but this means that Dylan and Timmy will vote together in this tribal along with Ellie and I, ensuring that Justin goes to EoE. This is all working out for me. I do not know whether to tell Ellie about this alliance eventually, but I am planning on keeping it pretty tight-lipped for the most part. What doesn't kill her makes her stronger. And that's what you missed on Glee Johndamn. who knew i’d align myself with the perfect ride or die. she has an advantage and NOW she has an idol?! she is STACKED, and now i gotta protect her at all costs.

Maynor

Ive been talking to Keith a lot more now but heard from Timmy that people have been saying that he has been doing that with everyone so idk what to think of our bonding. Like i would like to think he would be on my side but who knows. We been talking about pokemon cards and the funko pops that i have. Its been fun. Im really glad talking to him more. 

Keith John

Due to thanksgiving. Tribal was moved a day ahead and everyone was busy celebrating. So things have been slow.

I decided to take the opportunity to complete the fox portion of the idol hunt. which turned out to nothing, As Zoe already informed me and Cormac that she got the advantage. after informing her I told her I will give the other path on the idol hunt a try. didn't want to go behind her back and do it. especially we are expecting a swap. this is my first time playing so I'm not sure that its a sure swap or another twist. 

Also finally I messaged Timmy again. After he didn't reply to me the first time. which was like 10 days ago. I know since I felt that I wasn't in the best position possible during the last tribal. I should have made an attempt before to talk to him as I need people, any people who want to work with me. But since I have had previous instances when I worked abroad, when people immediately snubbed or ignored me or changed their attitudes towards me when they found out that I am a Pakistani. N for a moment I felt like Timmy had decided that he didn't want to work with me. And me being a Pakistani was the reason. Which I guess is stupid on my part, I saw he added other people from the game to his skype. But didn't even reply to me. So When Zoe brought up the possibility of working with him. I decided to approach him again. This time he did reply. he seems nice but reserved. hopefully, we swap on the same tribe since we might have mutual friends who want to work together. But I would also like to make a genuine friendship with him and whether that becomes an alliance or not. that's to be seen.

OK Signing off for the night.

Timmy

People are quiet today in PMs but i hope that’s since we talked about tribal yesterday. Justin better be going bc he’s a snake ass bitch and I can’t deal with that shit.

Zoe

I got an idol, folks!!!!!!

I'm incredibly surprised at the rest of the tribe's laziness, considering I now have an advantage and an idol. The downside of the idol is that I have lost my vote next tribal, so now I really have to have trust in my tribe members and alliances cross tribal to keep me going through the twist, unknown as of five minutes before tribal. I predict a swap, but (not) knowing Jay makes me doubt that as well.

I'm still really sad about Cormac, but it's my game, not his game. As long as I can still count on my other connections, I'll just have to go on strong and know that it wasn't his time.

[jendvmposts]

WSAVA 2019 Friday, Part 2

The Feline Anesthesia Enigma - this was a case-based presentation by Dr. Paulo Steagall, beginning with...

THE BLOCKED CAT - these guys have reduced GFR, hypothermia, hyperK, acidemia, and circulatory collapse - the hyperK and acidosis are the major concerns.

- get a catheter in and draw your bloodwork sample - he will typically bolus with NaCl, but LRS is fine (the K concentration is too low to make the hyperK worse), 10-20 ml/kg at a time according to need.  Rates will typically be 45-60 ml/hr when there’s obvious poor perfusion and severe dehydration, as long as there isn’t CVS disease.

- he won’t sedate/anesthetize the cat if the K is > 6 mEq/L - uses Ca gluconate to address the hyperK, if this is too short lived, will use dextrose and perhaps insulin.  Ideally, should have ECG in order to see the pattern normalize as the hyperK resolves

- sedates with a combo of torb and midazolam IV

- he likes to use propofol at a low dose, 1-2 mg/kg, usually followed by midazolam 0.25 mg/kg - doesn’t mix these in the same syringe.  The addition of midazolam as a co-induction drug allows you to reduce your propofol dose by 25%.  Obviously no ketamine, as this is excreted largely unchanged. 

- discussed the sacral-coccygeal epidural - 2% lido, 0.1-0.2 ml/kg, but this is risky if done before fluid therapy d/t autonomic effects leading to hypotension.

Sue Little is a proponent of therapeutic cystocentesis for pain relief before unblocking these cats - I am not sure how I feel about this.  I’ve never experienced bladder rupture in a cat and I never, ever want to!

____________

THE GIFB CAT:  uses an opioid in combination with incisional/intraperitoneal analgesia and avoids using NSAIDs - studies have shown there is a higher incidence of leakage when NSAIDs are given. IP bupivacaine will provide analgesia for up to 8 hrs.  He does this at the time of closing. He likes opioid or ketamine CRIs for these cats. Cautions that regurg can occur at the time of induction for these cats, so there is an enhanced risk of aspiration pneumo - care should be taken in how these cats are positioned during induction. Uses Cerenia 1 mg/kg IV.

____________

THE HYPERTHYROID (potentially aggressive cat you can’t get your hands on) going under for a dental tx:

- don’t use ketamine, as these cats already have higher sympathetic tone, and they don’t need a drug that will elevate HR more.

- likes Alfax + midazolam IM, sometimes uses a pure mu opioid like hydro or methadone

- likes Emla application to facilitate IVC placement

- for cats you can’t get your hands on, as a LAST resort - try OTM dexdomitor 30-40 ug/kg

- for acute pain: buprenorphine 0.02 mg/kg, but this should be used in a multimodal pain management plan

- there is nothing published yet, but pre-visit gabapentin doesn’t appear to change the physiologic parameters in these cats, so go ahead and use it

___________________

Dr. Steagall’s next presentation was Anesthetic Challenges in Geriatric Patients.

- there is an increased risk of GER in these patients (gastroesophageal reflux), obesity, CVS disease (assymptomatic valvular disease is present in 25% of dogs > 9 yrs), periodontal disease, reduced muscle mass (hypothermia risk increases), their pain inhibitory system is down-regulated, and they often have up to a 50% decrease in functional nephrons, so should be IRIS-staged.

- 30% of dogs > 8 yrs have changes related to cognitive dysfunction - I think we need to better educate our clients.  What we will see is a higher incidence of emergent delirium (huskies, dogs that start to flip over etc) and dysphoria (the constant vocalization) after anesthesia, so they need anxiolytics. He likes trazodone for these dogs as a PVP.  Dysphoria is often related to opioid overdose, so he will often give them some naloxone.  He’s a huge fan of the microdose of dexdom IV (0.5 to 1 ug/kg).

- avoid ace if there is liver disease, as it will take a long time to be metabolized, and if they become hypotensive, you will need higher doses of a pressor to address it.

- if DM, they should have 1/2 their insulin dose that day

- preoxygenate these dogs for at least 3 min prior to and during induction - this has been shown to prevent post-induction hypoxemia related to propofol or alfax - keep it going until you are able to intubate.

- he doesn’t use benzodiazepines in his premeds, but does use the midazolam as a co-induction agent with propofol or alfax as above.

- likes midazolam and fentanyl - these are very CVS-friendly drugs.

- he only uses anticholinergics to TREAT bradycardia, not to prevent it.

LUNCH and more time chatting with other vets and reps, plus collecting lots of free pens, lip balm, mints, treat bags, and even a beach ball (for Angus, I think). I finally found a couple of classmates of mine and did some catching up!

I sat in on Dr. Monteiro’s lecture on Treating Postoperative Abdominal Pain Using Intraperitoneal and Incisional Anesthesia, hoping to settle once and for all how incisional blocks should be performed.  IP blocks seem to do a better job at circumventing post op pain than the incisional blocks, so I’m going to begin doing them for my spays - calculating the total dose, using 1/4 of the volume for my incisional block, and reserving 3/4 of the volume for splash blocks onto both ovaries and the uterine body.  As for the incisional blocks, here’s how they recommend doing them at Ste. Hy:

https:youtu.be/76dwKuirqt0

Friday afternoon was spent in the WSAVA hereditary diseases stream - the lectures were: The Welfare Impact on Dogs When Breeding for Extreme Conformation with Dr. Megens from the Netherlands, followed by Sue Little’s lecture Brachycephaly and Other Breed-Associated Problems in cats. Very impactful presentations.

I had such a great time at WSAVA 2019!  Next year’s conference is in Warsaw, Poland!  I elected to head home a bit early on Fri., to hopefully avoid experiencing a parking lot on the DVP, so I left just after the 3:30pm coffee break.  Drive TO the city was just slightly over 4 hrs.  Drive home was 5 1/2 hrs! Max speed on the DVP was 60 KPH....

[musicagency-stuff-blog]

How to Prevent Music Marketing Info Overload!

I intend to give you a little rule you can make use of in your music marketing that goes like this. " I will certainly spend 80% of my time creating impressive music, 15% music marketing and after that 5% understanding music marketing material." it is kind of like removing my nose to spite my face since I create a great deal of music marketing material myself, yet if you spend your whole time eating up all the info, it's extremely difficult ever before to get around to generating any type music of well worth.

And marketing crap music has a name. SPAM! You need to consider all the online training courses, overviews as well as publications like shiny items that are drawing you in all various directions as well as stick with one method till you make it a success. The truth remains that if you don't make any music of worth, you are not truly an artist. Have you ever before remained in music marketing info overload? Today I approached my computer system with exhilaration after a long weekend away with the suggestion that I would pump out some articles and also begin to service my new digital book. However, the strategy appears to have gone all rickety. I opened my Twitter customer to see that my buddy sent me a link to a great short article about exactly how to "sing like a superstar," which led to one more and then an additional. So now I recognize the theory of awesome vocal delivery however I'm no additionally on with my mission to give you men the very best music marketing details I can muster.:--LRB-. Keep in mind to self, never open Twitter in the early morning; it's a total bloody time suck!

There are a couple of points that I have discovered throughout the years (yet that I occasionally ignore) which have assisted me in being more productive in my music marketing and also in music in general. - There are only a really small number of things that need your time. These consist of making music and also advertising music, forget whatever else or do it bursts of 25 minutes every day. - Reviewing music marketing training does not count as a job; you have to set a timer and also start obtaining something also done. - Work in 50-minute bursts of the focused task with a short break in between.it will certainly help you use your body's all-natural rhythm. - Don't read your email until 4 O'clock and set a thirty minutes timer for this job. Set your band e-mail account to allow individuals to know that you are doing this to be much more efficient and also will return to them as quickly as you can. - Give yourself monthly dedications.it can be anything from composing article to calling a minimum of 5 music calls every day. What does an ineffective early morning resemble for an artist? 1. Review 20 write-ups on music marketing and music industry news. 2. Checked Twitter And Facebook for 45 mins and complied with links at random. 3. Worked on the style of the music blog on an aspect that only the perfectionists would certainly see. 4. Spent thirty minutes in the music online forums. Currently, things are that none of that stuff misbehaves and you can for believing that you had obtained your hands extremely dirty in the music organization and also made a payment. However, sadly that is not the instance because there was no emphasis and no planning. Now let's check out early morning to be happy with. 1. Spent a solid 50-minute duration working with two brand-new articles. 2. 10-minute recharge. 3. Invest another 50 minutes editing post from the previous day and also posting to the blog site. 4. 30-minute recharge. 5. 50 minutes songwriting/ tape-recording a video for YouTube to bring traffic to the blog site. 6. 10-minute recharge. 7. Added some emails to the newsletter sequence that automatically goes out to the followers. 8. Half an hour recharge. 9. Called ten place managers and reserved two jobs. 10. 10-minute recharge. 11. Spent 50 minutes answering e-mail and discovering brand-new music marketing tactics in my emphasis area. If you make a dedication like that day-to-day, you will find that your job enhances tenfold and then you can invest the rest of the day reading your email or discovering brand-new music marketing things if you like. The troubles can come when you use that very early ruptured of energy in the early morning to consume material, and afterward when you come down to do some actual work you neglect what you were doing and have no focus. It's really hard to begin generating great work half means via the day since your body has lacked perseverance and power. it's all about emphasis, and also you actually can achieve extra in 4 hrs than most people get performed in a whole day if you just shut down all that crap pulling you away from the task available. However, this article is so essential. A lot of times you may even locate that you read something that appears like it's most likely to transform your life, as well as you will tell on your own that you are making progress with your music occupation if you just master the info. Well. I will let you into a little key. You understand enough now to come to be a professional musician if you utilize what you recognize as well as make progression daily. All of us recognize what to do since it's not rocket science. So when should you feed your mind? Now if you have actually read to this factor, you might be believing that I'm recommending that you never make an effort to learn or intend which you are always blindly just mashing away at your keyboard.it could not be better from the fact because the mind is kind of like a vehicle  if you are going to run miles and also miles you need the right amount of fuel at the right time. As artists as well as music marketeers we require to know what others are saying so that we can form a point of view and include new ideas to our songs as well as an advertising strategy. Below is what I would certainly suggest if you have a full-time task: Discover 4 hrs a day to work on your music marketing then think of it such as this: - Hr 1 - produce web content be it music, blogs or video clips. - Hr 2 - use auto-posting sites like Sound FM, Onlywire, Social Oomph as well as Tube Magnate to push out your material quickly. - Hr 3 - Modify your new music and post and get it ready for publishing tomorrow. - Hour 4 - Refuel, utilize this moment to inspect your email, read blog posts and also make notes. Have a rest. Another integral part of this is that you require to have time daily when you entirely switch off from whatever and also do something that does not take any mind power in all. In some cases, TV or computer game can function. You will certainly not feel guilty currently since you will certainly recognize that you have done great work that day! I kept in mind when I was making my very first album I encouraged myself that if I actually wanted to make it function I need to concentrate 22 hrs a day through of the recording and also placed whatever right into making it the most effective thing we ever before did. I would certainly spend hrs as well as hours a day just paying attention to the recordings like some sort freaky Howard Hughes guy. NOT GOOD! But what I did not realize at the time was that a break could make points function far better as well as provide you an extra point of view. While on your break you are most likely to think about an incredible new guitar hook or a lyric that is most likely to resonate deeply with your fans. If I had actually simply taken a little go back, I think I would certainly have made a lot more progress and appreciated things a whole lot much more. I now take normal breaks throughout the day as well as this maintains me focused on the task at hand and my energy degrees remain high throughout the day, which is wonderful.

The music grey zone (A massive issue!). If you take anything from this article just let it be the reality that you want to avoid spending your whole life eating up all the music marketing benefits without ever making the cake. (Wow I'm churning out the allegories today like a cow makes milk!). People assume that there is some large secret to this stuff as well as if they can discover it every little thing will certainly be OK as well as the record labels will look after them ... IT  IS A MYTH! I angle' inform you the number of times I have talked with artists who groan concerning the complying with issues: - I've obtained a job, so I have no time at all to service my music career yet lots of time to play upset birds four hrs a day. - Music marketing complication if you attempt as well as do everything you will obtain nowhere, concentrate on what you understand. - I spend 3 hours a day reading every item of info and then I really feel too puzzled to do anything simply quit it, this is the bad grey area. You require to burst out of these traps now otherwise you will certainly get to completion of one more year as well as your music ambition will certainly seem even further away because you will certainly tell yourself that you are a failure. it is just one of the main factors that most individuals never make it since they never ever make a dedication to operate at it everyday doing important tasks that will have a genuine effect. Use what you learn. The primary step back for the music marketing junkie is a little of focus. If you are dealing with YouTube to bring hits to your blog site right now invest your understanding time trying to find larger and far better means to come to be the next YouTube superhero. Then when you struck the computer system next early morning use what you learn. If you follow this easy guideline, you will unexpectedly end up being far more efficient since that time you invest reviewing now has an objective. If you consume all the information like a money grubbing pig you will certainly obtain fatter and fatter as well as slower and slower until you end up being a beached whale and also will need to go for a crappy task that will certainly melt your brain. Allow me conserve your mind men. Find out once a day in a focused location and also come to be the master of it ... EASY! Last Ideas. To finish off this post I want to share my commitments for this month so you could get influenced to make a few on your own. As I said before the worst sensation on the planet is getting to the end of the year and also thinking that instead of making day-to-day progress and also accomplishing something cool you just played Call of Obligation for during and are still benefiting an employer that you would privately like to kill. - Create content that issues and also makes a difference. - Help as many individuals as feasible utilize their music talent to locate a better funner life. - Add to the Twitter and Facebook chatter as opposed to just snooping on that dude I went to senior high school with. - Blog everyday. - Post a podcast everyday. - Blog post a YouTube video everyday. - Include important comment to the music marketing neighborhood.

[somemilanlove]

Pop’s Strawberry Jam

Yesterday (Tuesday) was officially day 2 for me.I spent the morning getting the mundane things of the month cleared off my calendar. Paid the bills, made new “To Do” lists, cleaned up a bit & listened to my personal development. I worked for a good 2-3 hours clearing out my IG messenger & reminding myself to eat.

By 3PM I had finally showered and made my way out of the house. I set out to grab some fresh strawberries at our local supermarket. A small store in town (15 min. drive for me) that has a decent selection of what we would need to make good wholesome meals, some organic produce & and even a few “fancy” items you might find at an inner city market. Everything is usually more than slightly overpriced. The price you pay for small town living I guess.

Next thing I know it was 5:20 P.M. and we had already been in town for a few hours earlier in the day,(waiting in line at the post office) , visited the grocery store once before to pick up more Fish & mangos for the taco tuesday idea I had planned, only to realize I did not grab strawberries.  I had just come from picking Jonas (my oldest) up from his Future Problem Solvers competition at school. Apparently he had called me a few times and I ignored the call.” I never answer phone calls from numbers I do not recognize,” I reminded him. “You should have left me a voicemail.”

I’m not sure if that was an event parents could or should attend but clearly I didn’t make it if it was. We also had cub scouts meeting that night for him, so I figured I could make dinner quickly after the meeting and start my jam when they were all in bed. I rushed into the store, grabbed 2lbs, priced almost $2 more than my curbside price, some Jimmy Dean sausage & jelly jars. I had a ton of mason jars I picked up 2 years ago for a friends baby shower but had no idea where the lids were or if they were the right size. I spent more on those 3 items than I do for fresh fruit and veggies on my weekly grocery list. Clearly Joan and I still have very different lifestyles.

Coming home was chaos, in my mind at least. We had spent way too long at the cub scout meeting, where I’m sure I dropped way to many F bombs for the moms. We are planning our boys CrossOver ceremony and sharing ideas, opinions, and volunteering for what we can do. I did not grow up doing extracurriculars much less having parents involved, I also have a hard time feigning interest in things like this, keeping a fake “I have it all together & want to be here face” lately. Especially since my mantra this year is “Fuck it”. I’m betting the double shot of espresso in my coffee I had just chugged had a lot to do with my even more laid back attitude about how we should handle things.  

Amongst other things on my mind I thought it would be a good idea to have a conversation with Jonas about how he should expect to assume more responsibility over his activities and communicate more effectively with me and his father so we can all plan according to what’s going on. This did not go well at all. It left me tense and frustrated, wondering if he pretends to not get what I mean or if he just really doesn’t grasp that he is 2 years from the teenage realm and maturity is part of that.

Tacos were made, but  not by me. Demarcus had taken it upon himself to whip up some ground turkey tacos and feed the littles that were at home & my sister in law (she stays with us M-Th for nursing school). I almost gave way to a poor attitude where that goes & picked his tacos apart but I caught myself pretty quickly this time.

8 PM rolled around pretty quick, kids were showering & getting ready for bed, my weekly team call was wrapping up & I had managed to get a little more work done. I was almost ready to get started, but I didn’t. It was 10 pm pretty quickly and while everyone slowly fell asleep I worked a little more, scrolled the new Fabletics line & ordered an outfit. Not the most productive use of my time. I know. It’s something I am working to improve.

It was close to 11:30 when I finally decided I better workout get my 20 min it. So I did then I did an extra 20 since I was still hopped up on caffeine and was feeling pretty good.

I finally made it back into the kitchen close to 12:30 and started going over this recipe. Thinking as I had in the store that it was such a waste to see these beautiful strawberries turn into jam. As part of my healthier habits I have learned to appreciate how sweet fruit is on its own & although I do indulge on sweets, it’s rare that I indulge in a jam. Oh well, I made a commitment.

Washing & hulling the strawberries was no big deal. I ate the hulls as a kind of apology for what I was about to do to the entire batch of fruit. I pulled out my jars, washed & set to dry. Ingredients were pretty simple sugar, pectin (not sure what this is but I bought it) and butter. Yup, so far so good.

Canner? Jar lifter?Yeah, I don’t have those so I’m going to improvise. I’ve seen Sweet Home Alabama too many time to know that there’s another way to do this. YouTube is my best friend if you don’t already know that about me. So the next 5 min go to finding out what I have vs what I need. It took me another 30 min to find everything I had and could use to make this shit happen. It was now 2AM and I was ready to begin boiling more than just water.

I blended, stirred, boiled and sugared the strawberries just like the recipe asked. I boiled jelly jars in a huge pot I once used in an attempt for tamales (I failed btw). I used a rubber oven-mit instead of the Jar lifter to pull and fill jars, burned my thumb with wayyy to hot for your hands jam. Maybe it’s the strawberries  way of telling me how dare you turn me into Jam. Maybe I’m finally off my caffein high and getting tired.

Jars filled, tightened and placed back into the large tamale pot to boil. It was now 3 AM and I was tired. I forced myself to eat dinner, because I had totally skipped it and was just now realizing it. Sat down and watched Game of Thrones reruns as I waited for the water to come to a rolling boil. Which took forever btw!

Finally 45 min and 10 trips to the kitchen to see what the hold up was we had a rolling boil!! Yass!! 10 more min of boiling and 5 min of waiting to cool. The timers rang and I peeled my but off the Oversized lazy boy recliner I had been sitting in. Pulled every jar out carefully and placed them on a towel, where they will sit for the next 24 hours. I made note that NO ONE is to touch or move these jars for 24 hours!!

I dragged my ass to bed, closed my eyes not feeling proud, not feeling accomplished just extremely exhausted. I forced my mind to shut down bc it was still going and going random thoughts crossing my mind. Not tonight I need sleep. 

5 hours later I’m up again. I let the dogs out, offer Addison breakfast which she quickly declined with a NOPE, and checked on my jam.

All in one piece, unmoved jars, note in place. Maybe they read the note maybe no one else cared about my jam, but in this moment I felt proud and once again the word accomplished flashed in my mind.

I’m beginning to wonder if the reason all these years I’ve never felt proud of what I had done was because of my upbringing. A quick thought goes to how different my childhood was compare to my kids. I’m definitely a very different parent than I had, for the short time I had them. I love on them, discipline them, encourage them & allow them to be proud of themselves for doing things well.

I guess I’ll never know what it would have been like for me to have those things, but I can learn to own my accomplishments & allow myself to feel right along with them.

Up next, the Gravy train! 

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

Pull Me Under

Warning:  Long Post, no 

I really wanted to talk about what happened to me this week.

 Will I survive the night on my own?

I am a workaholic because my dad was a workaholic and he's the one who raised me I was raised and told that to ask for help is a sign of weakness. To show weakness is a sign of weakness, to tell the truth when someone asks you how you are is a sign of weakness, to slow down on any level is a sign of weakness.

 My dad live by these rules and unfortunately that caused him to die younger than he should have, falling cancer when he was normally pretty healthy.  It is also this mentality that allowed me to survive when I was left to be an orphan at the age of 20 and it is how I have lived my life since.

 However it is something that I feel needs to change now in order for me to live longer, You do not have to live your entire life in this fashion in order to survive or in order to impress people.

 I have always prided myself on not taking sick days on coming to work no matter how bad I felt and finishing my shifts because in the back of my mind I thought that any time I ever told my boss I was too sick to work they thought I was lazy, and I would go on the list of the first person to be fired if the opportunity came up.  It has always been my way to hide how I really feel, how sick I truly am, because in the long run no one cares but me anyway, and if somebody else can see that and use it as against me, somehow they're going to do it.  In the last TEN YEARS I have taken less than ten sick days from work.

 My first year teaching has changed all that because I got sick about every 2 months,  as soon as I was over one thing I was sick with something else. I had ten sick days to play with but I also had to work from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. 5 days a week which meant I would have to take time off at some point doctor's appointments to keep myself healthy and that would eat up into my sick day time.  I think I ended the year with two days to spare and I was not going to mess with it.  

 I woke up Sunday morning knowing I was sick.  I had slept with the windows open and a cold front came in.  I could feel it growing colder but could do nothing because I was so exhausted I could not wake myself up enough to get out of bed and close them.  I woke up with chills, aches and a sore throat.  I ignored it.  I went to work.  I lasted until noon, went home and went to bed.  I should have called in for Tuesday but I did not I went to work. I had spent all of Monday freezing under 2 blankets with the heater turned up to 80 degrees.  But because I also did get some sleep and because that little bit of asleep I felt OK Tues. morning I made myself go to work.  I work the full day but  by the time it was time to go home,  I could not walk myself to my car.

 I have been fighting anxiety and dizzy spells for about a month-and-a-half so having to have someone walk me to my car really wasn't an alarm ball for me.  When I got home I tried to open some Gatorade and was shocked to find that I was too weak to get it open.  I don't own the thermometer which is something I need to change but I knew I was having a fever.  I started taking Tylenol PM but it did nothing it did not help my fever and it did not help me sleep.

 It would just so happen that I posted my symptoms to Facebook. A friend I barely knew that I had met through the Deuce fandom told me you need to go to the doctor right away you have pneumonia.  And I hate to say it but my first thought was “kid you're half my age what do you know?”.  But it did alarm me b/c he had the exact same symptoms. My sister Toni called and asked if I wanted her friend Cathy to take me to the dr.  Now normally I turn down offers like this.  Toni is now my only living sister, my family period really, and still sees me as being twelve.   And I would rather walk on broken glass than ask for help.  However I found myself agreeing to it ---maybe because of what the kid had said on Facebook--- but I still decided to go….. just not right away. I had not slept at all that night and I told my sister give me a chance to get some sleep.  The clinic I go to is open late, I could go in the afternoon .  However in the back of my own mind I was even thinking “well if you feel better after your nap just tell her you decide not to go and don't go.”

 The problem was, I couldn’t sleep, and I was getting worse. The appointed time came around I decided it was time to get out of bed………... only problem was I couldn't I couldn't make it more than two or three steps without being so overwhelmed so exhausted and dizzy I pretty much had to sit down wherever I was.  This was a problem because it is a long walk from where my house is to the driveway where you park your car as my house is in the middle of a field.  My sister’s bf Cathy is a small firecracker of a woman who could go toe to toe with the devil but is about one fourth my size.  I could not use her as a human crutch to get to the car. Again my first inclination was “go back to bed and sleep it off, go back to the doctor when you feel better” which is so ass-backwards it’s stupid, but I swear that’s how I felt.  I nearly called and told her not to come back but thank god I didn’t.  Cathy, being the resourceful woman that she is, drover her SUV through the field and up to my door.  I got into the car and she took me to the clinic.  At the clinic everyone stared because I needed a wheelchair to be brought in.

 Now let me discuss another component of why I have been reluctant to go to the doctor.  I have been going to a small clinic since I moved home and I really like it.  I recently found out that the guy I had a crush on my entire senior year of high school and freshman year of college is a nurse practitioner there whom I have not seen in 25 years. These stupid narcissistic fifteen-year-old in me would always say “Don’t go!  You look like shit and what if you get him as the one who sees you.”   I knew he worked there from calling in to get lab results from my last bouts with dizziness in April where I was given a clean bill of health.  I called the clinic to get my results only to have a friendly voice call me by my maiden name and ask (already knowing the damn answer) if I remembered him.

 So anyway at 3 pm Cathy wheels me in in the wheelchair and asked me if I want her to stay. I am already feeling guilty because she has offered to go get me some groceries which I desperately need and obviously can't get for myself so I tell her no there's no need for her to waste more time by waiting for me at the clinic just go ahead get the groceries I'll call her when the appointment is over just because I'm pretty sure they're just going to give me a prescription and send me back home.  The nurse takes my information, takes my blood pressure pulse and temperature then wheels me into another room where my worst nightmare comes true.  

 Lo and behold here comes My High School Crush. Only this time there is no witty banter no hey how you doing.  He looks at me and says   “You are very sick you need to be in the hospital.  If you were just dropped off here, I am going to call you an ambulance right now.”  He even gave me back my copay!   I know this is serious.   I called Cathy and told her she had to come back. Normal blood pressure is 120/80 and mine has always run just slightly lower than that.  A resting pulse rate for me is 85-99.   When my vitals were checked at the clinic my bp was 80/40, my pulse was 120 and I had 102 fever.

 I didn’t feel like my pulse was that fast, I wasn’t having no trouble breathing, I was just weak and tired.    BUT THAT’S JUST IT.  I’M A TEACHER, I AM ALWAYS FUCKING TIRED….just not hat bad. I got into the ER just as a trauma is coming in on an Angel Flight.  I know I’m going to be there a whle and tell Cathy to go home because there’s nothing she can do for me anymore anyway and I don’t want her to see me this sick.   My ex would never take me to the ER when I was sick, always made me go alone because he “hates hospitals, and get bored there’ so I was used to being in the ER alone. I wait about 30 min in the waiting room which honestly is not bad.   One they take my vitals they whisk me back to a bed.   They had to stick me 3 times to get an IV going, took blood, tried to catheterize me FIVE TIMES which left me literally screaming in pain (my lady parts are quite small and delicate).  I am given THREE bags of IV fluids before they can start to stabilize me.  But I’m too sick and exhausted to even be scared.

 I mean, I was scared, I knew it was serious and i prayed a lot but I literally did not have the energy to expend on being scared and worried. Those are the times I miss having someone with me.  Not in the waiting room but in the back to hold my hand when I’m getting stuck with needles and poked at and shit.  Just someone to tell me “It’s gonna be okay.”    But I didn’t have it and I haven’t that in so long I have learned to survive without it.    Every orderly, and nurse I saw (didn’t see a doctor for 4 hours) told me:  “You are one sick lady”.   But I was not in any pain, I could breathe fine, I was just so tired.

  A lady comes to go over my information.  I am asked if my sister Terri is still my emergency contact and I have to say the words “No she died two weeks ago” and it is hardest thing to say.  I wanted to follow it up “in this very ER” but I don’t.    As they are wheeling me down the halls to get a CAT scan on my chest I see the inside of the hospital really for the first time and it hits me fully:  THE LAST TIME I WAS IN THIS HOSPITAL WAS WHEN MY MOM DIED WHEN I WAS 12 AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED.   So now not only am I middle aged, helplessly sick and at the mercy of the world, I am also 12 years old, helpless, at the mercy of the world and watching my mom die.  Every door we pass looks like the door to the room she died in.

Now I know why I had nightmares of hospitals all the time when I was in college.  It never made sense then but it does now.  It was this hospital I was dreaming of and now I’m right back there.

 At 8 pm I am told I have pneumonia and am “septic”, which I had to literally google when I got home.  I knew it was not a good thing to be and always thought it meant your blood had been poisoned.    At 9 pm I am told I am being admitted.  At 10 pm I meet some of the nicest nurses I have ever met in my life in the ICU unit. The exact same ICU unit and quite possibly same room my mom spent a good deal of the last days of her life in as well.   On my fifth bag of IV fluid my pulse has only gone down to 108 and my blood pressure has only poked up to 96/56.   I am tied to so many machines I feel like I’m in the Matrix.  I don’t sleep for three days and getting out of bed to walk two steps to the toilet (which I am now having to do every 15 min b/c of the IV fluids) is enough to leave me out of breath and push my pulse rate back up.   This is also hard because of all the tubing and leads attached to me that I must pull, balance and not step on or let get tangled.  The bed is an ergonomic nightmare that is impossible to get up from even though it is just inches off the floor. It takes 10 bags of IV fluids, 3 bags of antibiotics, 3 shots in the stomach for blood thinner (PAINFUL) and three bags of potassium and magnesium before my vitals get to anywhere near the normal range. There are literally pages more I could write but I am still recovering and need some sleep.