#this post still discusses dark subject matters so I want you guys to be careful

[chorus-the-mutate]

This is an edited repost of the Erzsebet Bathory character analysis I wrote yesterday that I refuse to let go to waste. I tried doing the right thing and tagging all of the necessary trigger warnings only for this post to be completely hidden from the Castlevania Nocturne and Erzsebet Bathory tags. Since I can't afford to tag the proper trigger warnings without being punished please do not read this post if discussions of rape or sexual assault triggers or upsets you in any way. I don't take these topics lightly and they are vital to this analysis of Erzsebet Bathory.

This post also contains major spoilers for this first season of Castlevania Nocturne.

This may seem presumptive of me to say but this thought has been stuck in my head for several hours: Erzsebet Bathory is the most rapist adjacent villainess I've ever seen without her actually being a rapist.

The first and smallest point against her is how often she mentions virgins. I know that Erzsebet's initial mention of virgin sacrifices is supposed to tie into the origin of her alter ego and consumption of Sekhmet but it's super fucking weird that it played into why she wanted to sacrifice Maria.

Next point against her is the lawyer's daughter. I'm not sure if this lady was a virgin but when she's first brought to Erzsebet she's already terrified and too dazed to fight back. It's obvious that she doesn't want to be there and that even if she did that she can't really express that desire. But Erzsebet still takes this lady out of a literal gilded cage, sits down and sits this lady on her dress to admire her despair before drinking her blood. The next time we see the lady she's still dazed. The only differences are that she's dolled up and seems more suggestible. Even with hundreds of people in this ballroom scene the lady is literally ignored by everyone except for Erzsebet who dances with her and parades her around for her own amusement. Everyone else knows that Erzsebet likes to make her victims suffer and they still refuse to acknowledge the lady because Erzsebet has made it clear that she's her possession. Hell the only person who is unhappy enough with Erzsebet to go rogue at this point is Olrox and he STILL IGNORES THIS LADY. When the lady is dragged outside to be fed on again without anyone batting an eye it reminds me of a rapist roofying their target and proceeding to do everything in their power to seem interested in their victim's well-being in order to take them to a second location. And no one speaks up since Erzsebet is the Harvey Weinstein, Prince Andrew or Thomas Jefferson of the vampire world; the embodiment of people in power getting away with abuse until the damage has already been done.

The last and biggest point against Erzsebet is the entire scene where she turns Tera into a vampire. For me personally that is just an allegorical rape scene and it's executed very well. Erzsebet makes her entrance at the abbey as a lioness of a woman, a literal predator who wants to take Maria as a sacrifice and turn her into a vampire to ensure Emmanuel the Abbot's loyalty. Tera protests and offers herself to Erzsebet instead. This is such blatant coercion that Tera refers to herself as the ram Abraham sacrificed to God instead of Isaac. And the only question or concern Erzsebet has at this point is if her sacrifice should be a virgin. The only reasons she accepts the sacrifice are Emmanuel's genuine love for Tera and the fact that Tera is a powerful sorceress. Once Erzsebet settles for Tera and physically lifts her to her level no one can stop her. Maria gets knocked out for trying and Richter gets bodied immediately after. Their only option is to get the hell out of there once Annette makes an opening and Richter rightfully runs for his life. Even Maria, the only person that could look back and see Tera turn, is knocked out and that feels like an intentional writing choice to give Tera one last shred of dignity. Erzsebet holds Tera really close in this sort of hug as she feeds on her and once she's fed she literally sits Tera on her lap for her turn to feed. Then Erzsebet cuts herself and the blood starts dripping down on Tera, starting at her skirt, going to her blouse and reaching her face. At first Tera doesn't react but then her body responds to the blood and she feeds even though she doesn't want to. Even though no one wants this for her. And that is exactly what it's like when someone has an unwanted orgasm. Tera's body is protecting itself the same way a victim of assault would and that paired with the blood on her skirt being reminiscent of the blood on a woman's thigh in the aftermath of an assault hammers home the rape allegory. It's very sad and uncomfortable to think of Tera's turn to vampirism this way but the thought lingers hours after like a grimy film on my brain.

I 100,000% believe that Erzsebet would have been an actual rapist if Netflix Castlevania didn't romanticize Lenore raping Hector and ending their relationship on friendly terms. Not to mention Sumi and Taka's sudden shift from allies to sexually assaulting Alucard out of spite. Castlevania Nocturne seems to shy away from rape and sexual assault in favor of allegories or moments so brief that I missed them unlike its predecessor. So I'm blaming the gratuitous depictions of sexual assault in Castlevania on Warren Ellis, the creator of Netflix Castlevania, who doesn't work on this show for a very good reason.

Everything from her size as Sekhmet to her tendency to torture women and girls before killing them contributes to the allegory of Erzsebet being the vampire equivalent of a rapist. She exudes power and not only does she enjoy making others feel helpless she's also great at it. She is a sadist without honor, willing to parade her lady victim of choice around vampire high society or hang a young girl on hooks to drain dry rather than let any of them die a quick death. The dragged out, needless suffering Erzsebet inflicts along with her preference for women and virgins frames her feeding as something more sexual in nature than the other vampire nobles who simply indulge in their gluttony. Even Olrox feeding on his former boyfriend isn't framed sexually, it's framed as a desperate, romantic gesture to keep his lover alive. And every vampire I remember from Castlevania has their feeding framed as a tool for political power or sheer, simple gluttony. Even the vampire general Cho was shown to be more of a tyrant or a general sadist clinging to power in Japan than a deviant.

Erzsebet's sheer sadism actually contrasts quite well with Dracula's humanity and restraint. He understood humanity, only feeding to survive or strike down the merchants who slighted him. (He probably also used feeding as a tool for political power but I don't think we saw that directly.) Dracula ultimately came to understand humanity so well that he fell for Lisa Tepes, the exemplar of what it means to be human. And that love is why I believe he respected Lisa's wishes and let her keep that humanity instead of turning her into a vampire. And after Lisa's death Dracula stopped feeding entirely, hoping to extinguish his life and take out as many people as he could because he believed that humanity should've been better. He believed that the people who lived alongside Lisa would've stood up for her and they betrayed her out of a mix of fear, religious reverence and apathy. Meanwhile Erzsebet doesn't care about humanity, seeing people like the lawyer's daughter as possessions or people like Tera and Emmanuel the Abbot as pawns to further her own rule. She might be taken aback by Drolta's death once she learns of it but there's an equal chance that she wouldn't even bat an eye.

So what do these points of analysis mean for Erzsebet and Tera's future dynamic as master and pawn? The one thing that's certain is that Tera has been fundamentally changed, forced into an unprecedented nightmare scenario that will drag her down a dark path. But I'm an optimist and I believe that Tera will ultimately be redeemed. She may never be human again but her humanity, her love for her son and daughter will save her soul. Ultimately I hope that Tera lives and recovers from the trauma of Erzsebet turning her. I hope that she goes home to her children and is taken in with open arms. But if Tera dies she will die as Tera, not as a pawn, and that is because Erzsebet could never kill her humanity.

[llamagoddessofficial]

how would the normal boyo's react to mc's death?

no murder, nothing crazy, just old age taking away the love of their lives.

and for bonus points lets say they had been happily married for decades as to add on the memories and the sudden shock of losing someone that had become such a key factor in your life.

I think I've mentioned this before, but it doesn't hurt to bring it up again. Aggre Mc is going to live a lot longer than she expected. Even with absolutely no intervention, thanks to her connection with the guys, her Soul has three major sources of magic nearby that instinctively constantly share their power with hers. It will probably expand her lifetime by a century, minimum. Her big issue isn't going to be dying; it's going to be dealing with the implications of living so much longer than she thought she would.

There's also the topic of a Soul bond. If she Soul bonds with any of the three of them, and doesn't have kids, she's pretty much going to live as a monster does (forever, unless interrupted). In Aggre, they definitely discuss the subject of her possible death eventually- and my personal canon post-Aggre is that after settling into a rhythm and spending a few decades together, when Mc decides she wants to Soul bond, the boys elect Sans to be the one she bonds with. She'd then live with them like that.

But... in a hypothetical scenario, where Mc resists everything and dies... I think this is how it would go. Obviously, angst and death under the cut.

Sans: Honestly, Sans takes her approaching death the best. Which should really worry you about how the other two would react. Does he fall apart? Absolutely, the last time he felt this kind of agony was when he lost his mother. But Sans has always been good at disguising his emotions, hiding tremendous pain under an easygoing exterior. He keeps up with the dishes, organises her end of life care, keeps contact with his friends. Papyrus would be the only one to see even a fraction of the true extent of Sans' grief. Sans is about to lose the love of his life, and has completely frozen over to avoid crumbling.

Red: He definitely takes it better than you'd expect, considering he'd have a mended relationship with his brother. But it still hits. It's cruel that the universe sent him someone who taught him how to let himself feel, then took that person away and delivered the worst pain he's ever felt.

Mc would be proud of him, though. Despite the pain, he avoids falling back into the worst of his old addictions, because he knows its not what she would want and it won't actually make the pain go away. It will just numb him to everything; including those who are trying to help. He picks up smoking again in the days leading up to her death, but he avoids the bottle.

Skull: It's hard, for him. It's really hard.

All of them knew it would be particularly difficult for Skull. They had a long time to discuss it- a long time to talk the subject over. Mc prepared stuff for him, for after she's gone... people to talk to, things of hers to hold when it hurts, exercises for him to hopefully learn to deal with it. For a while, everyone was convinced Skull was ready. Even Skull.

... But he just... he just can't do it. He can't do it. He can't let her go. It doesn't matter how many hours she spent holding his hands, how hard they all believed he'd be fine without her- it doesn't matter how much he healed by her side and how well adjusted he seems now. The moment he realises she's really genuinely dying, the journey ahead of him looks so impossibly dark, so frightening. He holds her as she's dying and he feels so small. He cries like a baby and begs her not to leave him behind.

The moment she dies, he catches her Soul. He holds it in his hands, hushing it like a scared bird and tucking it away into his chest, where he can keep her alive. Honestly, they'd have to cut him open if they wanted to let her pass on.

... But I think at that point, Red and Sans aren't exactly fighting to make him let go. In fact... something unspoken passes between the three of them. Skull just did what all of them wanted to do.

Skull gives her to Sans, who keeps her hidden away, within his own Soul. Her Soul knows his best, and will feel most comfortable there long-term.

They'll figure out something. They have all the time in the world.

[cptn-m]

One Piece chapter 1098 review

This is your content warning. I assume everyone who goes through these posts has read the relevant chapter first. You know what was in it. You know what I'll be discussing. Proceed at your own discretion.

This is a big one. Lots to talk about, lots to think about. A lot of… interesting reactions from fans on all corners of the internet that I want to reflect on. The first thing that stands out is the art. While mistakes have happened and corrections have been needed, the is the first time in 26 years we've seen Oda submit an unfinished manuscript. Other authors have done this in far rougher states far more regularly, but it's still a shame to see Oda break his streak. I wonder if something happened. A health issue? Scheduling with the live action? Perhaps a staffing one. The primary inking seems to be done across most of if not the whole chapter. What's missing is the erasing of pencil shading and sketch lines and the application of screen tones, which I understand to generally be the staff's job. Whether Oda finished the inks so late that these final touches couldn't be added, or if something happened to the normal screen tones guy, it's hopefully a one off.

If it's not a one-off (and a handful of panels with leftover pencil shading from the last chapter do suggest a slightly more ongoing deadline crunch) we might be back to two weeks on one off from next year to keep this from happening again. But that's a concern for after the November/December break season.

Oda delves into some heavy topics this week, and the collective gut reaction of the fanbase has been explosive. It's interesting to look at how much of an impression this particular chapter has made, given that we've been able to infer that these sorts of things happen for a long time now, after seeing the Celestial Dragons taking slave wives at Sabaody, the Boa sisters' slavery-related trauma that left them distrustful of men, and the story of the girl who took her own life after being freed that one commoner sought revenge on the Donquixotes for. Perhaps it was the degree of ambiguity the previous hints afforded. Sure, you have to stretch for it, but you could say those older examples don't have to lead to sexual assault. Ginny returning with an infant who very obviously takes after her is a tougher hurdle to throw 'he wouldn't really put that in a kids' series' at. Even so, Oda is careful about nowhere coming close to even using the word 'rape,' let alone actually depicting it. The reader is still expected to connect the dots. It's a nonconfrontational method for putting this dark subject on the page in a way that will hopefully not disrupt its young adult rating or alienate the portion of its audience that's sensitive to the topic.

Looking over the weekend's spoiler discussions, some of the fanbase is kinda treating this like Oda put a Berserk-level scene in the series out of nowhere, when the truth is that he's done everything he can to hold the subject at arms' length. Never shown or stated, but told through heavy implication. Ginny comes back ravaged by a disease (despite what some people are saying, there's no real reason to believe it's an STD) that conveniently disfigures her beyond the point that any distressing physical wounds from her abuse as a slave would be recognisable and kills her outright before there's any chance to dig into the trauma, the feelings and the ordeal of recovery and living on. One Piece is not talking about rape this week. It doesn't want to. There's an almost mystical, stork-like quality to the way Ginny vanishes for two years and returns with a baby and no chance to say more about where it came from beyond what we think filled in that gap in her timeline. The inferred conclusion is easy to see for grown adults like I assume most of us here to be, who've seen this subject matter covered before and have no allusions about the small, personal evils humans are capable of inflicting on one another. But I do wonder how much of the series' younger audience, that makes up so much of the Japanese readership, is going to be able to read between the lines, or what their prevailing interpretation will be. If you're fanciful enough, (like the people who think Mother Caramel and the other orphans simply ran away and hid instead of getting eaten by Big Mom) you can headcanon up a version of events where Ginny smuggled out the child of another slave, or found an orphan she couldn't abandon on the way back to Sorbet, and while evidence in canon will strongly resist those ideas, it doesn't outright contradict them.

And I'm sure debates will rage about whether or not this was an appropriate way to handle a topic so sensitive to so many. I don't think there's any such thing as a qualification to objectively judge such a thing. What shocks, what feels blunted and what does and doesn't scan as sincere is going to vary for each and every one of us. For me, while I definitely wouldn't point to this chapter as a go-to example of handling rape in fiction, the implications-only, arms-length approach keeps it from feeling like an edgy shock value move. For a series that doesn't have the tone or the time to go all the way into the tempestuous introspection of real sexual violence-related trauma but still wants to be true to the darker corners of its established world and the history it draws on, this was probably the safest option, and smartly chosen.

It's a shame to see Ginny go so abruptly and so badly though, right after two chapters of getting to know her. For all my overanalysis and cautioning above, my gut reaction sits as the first reply to the Arlong Park Forums spoiler thread, and holds true to the full chapter release. "Fuck me, that's dark." My mouth fell open as I realised the story being told. No one should be surprised that Ginny died, but I expected it at the climax of the flashback, with at least a chapter's warning that it was all coming to a head. I am well and truly caught off guard by this one, a swift jab in the gut out of nowhere, and the flashback isn't even done yet.

On Ginny's death, we have the also somewhat sensitive topic of female characters being 'fridged.' That is, being assaulted and killed for the sake of giving a male character something to angst over, a trope that gives some readers a feeling women are being treated as disposable. I may be swinging at ghosts here, but I feel like I've seen just enough people mention this (and the following point) on different corners of the internet that it's on my mind. I'm not going to say that Ginny doesn't tick the boxes for this trope, but I also have to wonder what the small number of people saying this were expecting. One Piece is an action adventure story that puts death and maiming on the line as the ultimate stake and consequence for its characters regularly. It has a 26-year theme of inheriting the will and goals of loved ones who were unfairly snuffed out before their time. If you're doing these things in a story, putting death on the line and defining your cast by the vows they made to the fallen, unless you make every character a man, you're going to end up killing off a woman for the sake of another character's growth at some point. Ginny joins the likes of Bellemere, Hiruluk, Tom, Olvia, Scarlet and Cora in dying tragically so a more main character can grow. Complaining about this in One Piece is the equivalent of asking for horror movies with more queer characters and calling it 'bury your gays' when typical horror movie things start happening to those characters. Context is important for judging the use of tropes like this.

And finally, there's been some chatter about Bonney's depiction in the story now that we know her true age. Egghead's costume design has been very biased towards female fanservice and low camera angles, and it does scan a little offputtingly to have included her so heavily in that. Especially with some people noticing Sanji acting significantly less heart-eyed toward her than most women, implying she's exempt from some of the stuff normally aimed at adult female characters. But my gut reaction isn't as visceral as others' have been. Like, usually the skeevy anime trope is the opposite, the young-looking character who's really a hundred years old, reading like a truly desperate attempt to justify gawking at kids if they're just 'wise beyond their years' or some shit. But the opposite scenario, someone being this much younger than they appear, is so outside the realm of reality that it's not really worth discoursing about.

And there is a weird vibe in some of the comments on that. Especially when they're saying 'how could Oda draw a 12 year old like this' but the example used is just her normal outfit, which is just short shorts and a tank top that could easily be worn out in pubic on a hot day. Feels like they're saying 'how dare a person I'm ultimately not compatible with initially seem attractive!' Like it's somehow confusing that Bonney would look good at a glance and then not be actually appropriate to be with when you learn more about her. Acting led on by it even. Strange and uncomfortable take from certain corners of the internet. How do these people deal with seeing in the real world who look pretty but have an incompatible personality, or interests, or politics, or lifestyle? Sure, the reason isn't normally going to be 'turns out she's mentally 12,' but you're going to struggle if you can't mentally pivot from 'looks interesting' to 'off limits' easier than that.

With all that heavy stuff out of the way, let's enjoy some worldbuilding and fun details. Did you notice in the montage toward the end of the chapter that Kuma actually got that iron cage crib built? Cute, but you have to wonder the impact of sleeping behind bars on a baby's development. How about the crucifix on the church wall? It's got split ends like the cross seen on Oars' loincloth and carved on the walls of the secret straw hat room, and where the arms meet is a symbol not unlike Alabasta's flag and the Kozuki Family crest. Could Kuma's religion be more than just a stock standard Christianity stand-in?

The contrast between the shots of Kuma's home life with Bonney and his battles as a revolutionary makes for a fantastic montage through the middle of the chapter. The wartime shot at the top of page 9 is super intense, it's going to absolutely be a highlight when it's funny cleaned up. Bonney makes for a cute and charismatic kid, with the emergence of her present-day brashness a comedic highlight. Where does a girl raised almost completely indoors pick that stuff up?

And we go from the extreme gestures right back to scenes of childishness as she grapples with her developing illness and naively misunderstands the timeline she's been put on. Poor girl. The Sapphire Scales illness is an interesting addition. Like I said above, it doesn't scan as an STD-analogy. Transmissibility is never brought up as an issue in all of Kuma's time in close quarters with Bonney, and comparisons are made to White Lead Sickness. That makes me think it's a genetic issue. And what better kind of malady to bring Vegapunk into this flashback to treat, given his work on genetics with MADS. I don't think it's her Devil Fruit keeping her alive in the present. If anything, rapidly aging to appear as an adult would force the disease to advance faster. Having the skill to age up herself while ageing down the disease isn't outside the realm of possibility for shonen writing, but I wouldn't expect it of a five-year-old. Plus, the disease didn't return to an unaged state the same way she did when the sea water (presumably) nullified her powers.

Bonney not being Kuma's biological child is an interesting development given her distorted future that took on his body shape. But then, it's not like we've seen enough Buccaneers to know for sure that the bulky frame is a trademark of the race. Sure, they're said to be tough, but this is One Piece. Scrawny characters have shown incredible strength and durability, and many obstinately normal humans have had proportions far more variable and exaggerated. I see no reason a (one Piece world) human couldn't achieve Kuma's body type with the right gym routine and a bit of dedication. But we'll see.

And we end on a stinger for the next chapter, with King Becori's return. Where did he go, I wonder? Up to Marie Geoise for who knows how many months or years of bootlicking? And who ruled while he was gone? But with this, we can perhaps see the rest of this flashback taking shape. Kuma, in no mood to see his daughter's limited time get cut any shorter, confronts the king directly, inadvertently ends up put on the throne, perhaps similar to how Dalton was able to be legitimised after ousting Wapol. With Government connections, he's able to reach Vegapunk and petition to have Bonney's life saved. But because of his history as a Revolutionary, the Government doesn't let him have what he wants for free. But who could refuse, in his position?

I remember writing during Oden's flashback a few years ago that I was enjoying the scenes playing out and seeing the long-hinted at backstory getting filled in, but that I was in no danger of weeping for Oden. There was an emotional investment that I never quite made in that story. Maybe it was because we knew about about Oden's death in advance that it was too foregone a conclusion, or maybe it just wasn't the right story to appeal to my tastes. The contrast here is that I'm genuinely feeling things at the twists and turns of Kuma's flashback. This is not just a good read to quietly enjoy, it's getting a genuine emotional rise out of me. Highs and lows of Wano be damned, Oda's still got it.

As a final thought, this installment brings us to the 10th chapter of volume 108, but probably not the last. This doesn't feel like an ending cliffhanger yet. But I can't see the flashback ending in one more chapter either. Are we going to get two 12-chapter volumes in a row, or will the volume gap simply cut through Kuma's story?

Older chapter reviews and other writing on my Wordopress!

[theheartbrokensystem]

My LISA stuff concepts 2: Electric Boogaloo

Here are my fangame concepts/ideas for LISA, I wanted to share with you what I created. (A total upgrade of this post here)

NOTE: This will be updated every time I think of a game idea, so I put it here.

Original fangames by me

ASH: The Morbid

Synopsis for fangame: This follows the story of Ash Duran, a trans man trying to live a peaceful life. Along the way, Ash meets new friends; and they get into tons of shenanigans together.

What the game includes:

Four LGBT+ protagonists. Gay, gay, homosexual gay

A lotta gay moments, y'know how I roll.

Mini games that give you more dirty mags, the bigger you score!

6 explorable areas

Easter eggs to other LISA games

WINTER: The Innocent

Synopsis for fangame: This follows the story of a group of children called "Lost Youth", consisting of Winter Soriya, Aiden Macario, Baliey Ceder, Cameron Ebdelkader, and Geoff Fisker. Join them, as they journey to get away from Olathe's bloodshed and find peace.

What the game includes:

Memes

A dance party full of Lizards?

Cutscenes showing each protagonist's preflash life, lore time :D

A Baba village :D

A fighting tournament consisting of Fishmen!

Discussions of a child's trauma and how they'd deal with it in their pov.

JOEY: Shattered Mind (Based off LISA: The First)

Synopsis for fangame: A dive into my psyche and my existence, take a look inside my head.

What the game includes:

Discussions of dark subject matter. If that's up your alley, then this is for you.

Blood and body horror

Discussions of mental health from my perspective.

A dive into my personal memories, fun.

How I see the world from my perspective.

Mods for the og games + fangames

ANGEL: The Daughterful (A LISA: The Hopeful mod)

Synopsis for mod: This tells the story of Rodriguez’s gang being tasked by a guy named Daniel to take care of his daughter, named Angel Lacrimae. As His family is being hunted down by a gang, so it's up to Rod's gang to keep Angel safe.

What this mod includes:

N/A, still updating this stuff as of recent.

CHURCHLAND: Velvet Love (A LISA: The Pointless mod)

Synopsis for mod: Set in a alternate universe, Alex is trying to find the perfect gift for his lover. But will have to overcome hurdles just to find that gift. (Inspired by Dinoburger's Gardenias mod)

What this mod includes:

Sappy gay stuff yippee

Alex being gay for Joel, what more could you ask for?

This mod has a lotta wholesome stuff, yay. :D

ARMSTONG: Everlasting (A mod for LISA: The Painful)

Synopsis for mod: Instead of Brad leaving Lisa, he stays by her side. One day Brad has had enough of Marty's shit, so he comes up with a plan to kill Marty. Lisa overhears this, and decides to join him in on his plan.

What this mod includes:

My take on Brad and Lisa's relationship, and how they struggle to keep it together.

Marty fucking dies, good riddance.

[songsforthepierce]

Odd Tracks: Emo Kid - Adam and Andrew

So as I decided to not review a certain gamer song by a musician who gets into twitter fights with anyone critiquing him since I didn’t want to give him more attention (as of now, I may want to make a post talking him and making a bigger point about his behavior but I want to wait awhile for that). As I heard his early discography one of his songs unlocked a long buried memory within me, “This song reminds me of Emo Kid for some reason”.

Content warning/trigger warning for light discussions/mentions of self harm, homophobia, transphobia, mention of lgbtphobic slurs and use of, suicide, and eating disorders. I get this is a stupid comedy song but I don’t want to ruin someone’s day, all right?

I don’t really remember how I originally found this song but I probably found it in an amv or something. This song is very much a time capsule in subject matter, the sound, and how it handles said subject matter. This is a comedy song about well the emo scene at the time. The song did came out in 2006 after all. The first half is dumb but does give me a light smile. It feels like a parody song I would find on youtube. The “Blood Red Romance” is so clearly meant to be My Chemical Romance. It is just poking fun at the subculture with the look, the moody stereotype, an-

I'm an emo kid Non-conforming as can be You'd be non-conforming too if you look just like me I have paint on my nails and makeup on my face I'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs Cause I feel real deep when dressing in drag

Wait, what was that last line? Was that meant to refer to the fact that there were guys in the emo community who would come off effeminate to androgynous or-

I call it freedom of expression Most just call me a fag Our dudes look like chicks and chicks look like dykes Cause emo is one step below transvestite

OH, well then...casual homophobia and transphobia sure was a lot more common in 2006 (not saying it still isn’t around but you know what I mean). ..this part really did not age well. Which like I know comedy songs have a 50% chance of either aging fine, to somewhat okay, or just not well at all. The fact these two straight (as far as I know) guys just casually said fag, dykes, and transvestite is...making me concerned if outside the song they would just use it regularly back then.

I'm dark and sensitive with low self-esteem The way I dress makes everyday feel like Halloween I have no real problems But I like to make believe I stole my sister's mascara Now I'm grounded for a week

The last two lines are funny I will give it that. But okay, like the part I understand that it is meant to be making fun of like emo teens and how they “don’t have any real problems” which I do remember that critique from back then. Though most emo kids i knew when I was an emo teen myself came from neglectful, dysfunctional, to abusive homes...sooo uhhhh...

Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies I can't get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing Girls keep breaking up with me It's never any fun They say they already have a pussy They don't need another one

Oh god, I can literally feel this aging badly as the song goes on. Also wait, why did they make a parody name for MCR but then said the actual band name for Hawthorne Heights? I know the earlier part of the song was like making a joke about how edgy the names of emo bands can be but actually you know what? I don’t care. I am moving on to the more important part which is the whole making fun of a guy for being effeminate which oh boy was that a common thing people made fun of emo for. 

Stop my breathing and slit my throat I must be emo I don't jump around when I go to shows I must be emo

You know it is hard getting back into this verse as a reoccurring part of the song when I keep getting hit by lines and verses that make me recoil in my seat. Also, the suicide imagery I know is meant to reference how emo had a huge stereotype of depression and people being suicidal when like were there people in the scene who were depressed and were suicidal? Yes. I think there is a better way to like bring up how there were people in the community who romanticized such but I don’t think the song was going for that. Also this is not the only references to suicide in the song with the line, “ I play guitar and write suicide notes”

My life is just a black abyss.. Ya know It's so dark

You know I would find this more funny if I just wasn‘t still recovering from how badly aged this song is turning out to be. Was I expecting this song to actually age well? Not really, but I didn’t think it was like this.

And it's suffocating me Grabbing a hold of me And tightening its grip Tighter than a pair of my little sister's jeans Which look great on me by the way When I get depressed I cut my wrist in every direction Hearing songs about getting dumped gives me an erection

I know the “Tighter than a pair of my little sister’s jeans” is meant to reference how skinny a lot of the guys in the scene would be. Like concerning skinny. I won’t deny there was fatphobia in the community and there were people in it who had eating disorders. Yet another jokey reference to self harm-Wait...what was that last line?

I write in a live journal And wear thick rimmed glasses

Wasn’t the thick rimmed glasses more of first wave to at the least second wave emo? Like really early emo? I guess that type of emo was still around. Also, I am surprised they didn’t say myspace since a lot of emo kids did use that and I tend to associate myspace with the emo era. I guess I should be grateful this part has nothing really bad in it. Like I know the two lines afterward are about the narrator telling his friends he bleeds black and cries in classes which okay whatever. I don’t care. But knowing this song when something bad happens-

I'm just a bad, cheap imitation of goth You can read me 'Catcher in the Rye' And watch me jack off I wear skin tight clothes while hating my life If I said that I like girls I'd only be half right

Oh here we go! Okay so there were goths and non-goths at the time who called emo that. There was also emo people who called emo teens and those who were more into Hawthorne Heights, My Chemical Romance, and other popular emo pop punk “mall emo” similar to how there were goths who called goth kids into musicians suck as Rob Zombie, Marilyn Manson (eugh), Slipknot, and such as “mall goth”. Also, yet again another weird reference to getting turned on by suffering. I know the singer is comparing the narrator to the main character of the book as both are seen as whiny when like the whole point of the book is it is about a teen going through a really shitty situation and not coping with trauma well. Oh and the narrator I guess is meant to be bi? Diversity win or loss or whatever.

I look like I'm dead and dress like a homo I must be emo Screw Xbox I play old school Nintendo I must be emo

Another casual homophobia moment I see. Also, what is with the Xbox and old school Nintendo line? Was that actually a thing in emo? Was that part of the subculture? Because I don’t remember that part when I dressed emo to light goth as a teen. Maybe it was and I just somehow I missed that.

Me and my friends all look like clones I must be emo

You know this could be a good critique on how even though emo is suppose to be nonconformist similar to goth but the people in both expect you to look a certain way so therefore everyone looks the same. But little bit too late on that and I think there are better people who could critique this.

My parents don't get me ya know They think I'm gay just because they saw me kiss a guy Well, a couple guys But still, I mean it's the 2000's Can't two or four dudes make out with each other without being gay? I mean, chicks dig that kinda thing anyways

Oh my god we couldn’t ended without yet another homophobic shit. I was about to ask how much longer this song was but it actually isn’t that long when thinking about it...but I feel like 3:03 is too long for this.

I feel like tacos

Look, I am sorry last line of the song where I almost typed “like” as “liek” you cannot save this song.

Well this song was...something. I remember I would listen to it as a teen and didn’t have a problem with it...but I was a stupid edgy teen so there’s that. Like again, I didn’t expect this being good when I went back to it in 2023 as an adult. I knew even back then the song was dumb but saw it as silly dumb. But now I am just like, “Wow, this song sure is a time capsule of the era”.

During my search for the song I did find the musicians official youtube channel where they posted their performance of the song and I found their facebook page. Oh and their myspace page. They haven’t been online in a long time. That or just don’t really post much nowadays. You know, I do wonder how they look back on this song or any of their other music since 2006? Also, there is a different version of this song where the beat is replaced with sounds from super nintendo. I remember in existed but I can’t find it. Like, I could look deeper but I really don’t care enough to at this point. This was certainly a song and I don’t know if I could recommend this to anyone. I mean, I guess if someone wanted a small window view of how the general public to an extent saw emo during the time period well here you go. This song has not aged well and I didn’t expect it to but there is a lot of this where I am just like “This song could be taken as a very mean spirited joke towards the community”. This was very certainly a song and no wonder I hadn’t listened to this since high school.

[elionwriter]

Since I'm not sure I want to write new, full Fanfictions right now (I'm already working on a Good Omens one) I'm just gonna post some Star Wars/ Dinluke headcanons and prompts and ask you guys if you want me to flesh them out.

PART 1:

Their meeting and the events on board of Moff Gideon's light cruiser change things quite radically for both Din Djarin and Luke Skywalker. On Din's side, without the child actively in his care he is left without a proper goal and without a proper path. He can't go back being a simple bounty hunter, mostly because the ones he did it for are gone...

So what now? He always knew he would do anything to bring Grogu's mission to a proper end but he never actually thought of what would happen after. Nor did he immagine that it would leave him so shattered, broken and lonely.

Is it stubborn denial that his business with the child is over that makes him investigate further about the matter? A part of him wants to believe that yes, yes it is, but something about it just doesn't sit right with him. As Dr. Pershing is brought back as a prisoner to New Republic forces he is thoughtfully interrogated about his work and his part in the operations of the empirial cell. The man doesn't give his interrogators a hard time, answering everything as honestly as he can, but doesn't seem to know much afterall. Din can't help but feel somewhat sorry for him: he was taught cloning engineering by the last Kaminoans alive, apparently another species the Empire had decided were better off exterminated and forgotten after fulfilling their purpose. Except they hadn't, not completely, and now experts on the subject were even more rare than beskar. The Dr. was one of them and his knowledge and capacity was the only thing keeping him alive after the empirials sought him out. Whether or not he had any real sympathy for the imps was rather irrelevant and they were his one remaining shot at doing his actual job (there wasn't really a high demand for clones nowadays). He followed Moff Gideon's orders but he knew that the orders were actually coming from much higher up. Who was pulling the strings and what they ultimately wanted, he didn't know. They didn't trust him with those informations. All he knew was that they needed him to create a body with the kid's life expectancy and his M count. They had kidnapped and experimented on other force sensitive children but none of them seemed to have Grogu's qualities and were disposed of. When the guard told him to stand up to be brought back to his cell, the doctor looked at Din and asked "Is the child safe?" "Yes, he is." Answered the mandalorian and the other nodded exhausted "Good, that's good. Thank you." Din nodded back to him and watched him leave.

The only reason Din had been allowed to follow the interrogation was obviously Cara Dune, which had delivered Dr. Pershing and Gideon to the authorities. Cara was however busy talking with someone he didn't know, another woman, a very elegant and majestic one at that. He couldn't help but notice the friendly and intimate tone the conversation seemed to have. Cara later introduced her to him as senator Leia Organa -Solo, a legend of the Rebellion and the Princess of Aldeeran. Suddenly the two's steadyfast bond became very clear. Apparently, the Senator found the story about the two prisoners extremely distressing and had already "her best man" look into it. She spoke very kindly to Din and, as a true politician, thanked him for his services to the Republic. Din quickly changed subject and asked if Moff Gideon had revealed anything more useful than the doctor.

As expected, Gideon hadn't been as collaborative and hadn't spoken a word since he was brought in. Something in his demeanor, however, had definitely shifted and below the ever guarded and secure facade there was worry. 'That's the face of a man in deep shit! We aren't the ones he's scared of though, one can only guess what makes a guy like him fret like that...' said Cara without bothering to hide her worry.

That was the reason why Din, in the little breakes he stole from the collaboration he had fallen into with Bo-Katan and the other mandalorians, kept searching for answers. The something or someone that scared Gideon had to mean danger. And if there was danger out for Grogu it would ALWAYS be his business.

That's when he realized who the princess' "best man" was. Luke Skywalker had apparently been searching for answers too and it's during one of these occasions that they newly meet. They have a common goal and pupil to protect but very diverse skill sets and areas of expertise. That's why on the hush-hush they agree to meet occasionally when either of them seems to have some new information or lead. Neither of them properly introduces to the other, there's really no need for that, and their partnership remains for some time elusive at best. Din is a naturally secretive and private man, the Jedi on the other hand, seems to have become it, a necessity rather than an inclination. Luke doesn't ever bring Grogu along nor does he mention him, after assuring the other that the child is safe and well. Din doesn't ask. And yet, the most restless one of the two about it is the Jedi. Just like Luke can feel Din's ever present affection and sense of duty toward Grogu, Din can sense that the other is very uneasy on the matter, like two parts of him are constantly battling over something. Again, he doesn't ask.

Despite all this, however, their relationship is far from strained. There is a mutual and instinctive trust and respect between them and it becomes quickly very clear that they work well together. During the nights they have to camp or during the trip in hyperspace the two talk. They discuss about their dying creeds, their principals and beliefs, fighting techniques and recount some of their old adventures. After a while, they open up enough to discuss of their situation and daily challenges and earnestly seek the other's opinion and advice on how to face them.

Din learns that Luke is still a figure on which the New Republic sometimes relies upon, even if only for extremely delicate situations; that he spent the last few years travelling throughout the galaxy looking for lost Jedi artifacts and knowledge, hoping to learn how to best bring the order back to life for new generations of force users (expecially his young nefew); that during said travels he always made a point to help those in need and right wrongs where he saw them; that he still found himself dealing with loose ends of the Empire.

On the other hand, Luke learns of Bo-Katan's quest to reclaim Mandalore; of Din's search for knowledge and history on a culture that should be his own but that he progressively realizes he knows very little about; of his uncertainty on where he stands both with his creed and his peers and the aggravation of the dark saber which he is currently the wielder and protector of.

They feel for each other. No, they understand each other. Even as words completely fail to reveal the most critical parts of these conversations. What they do understand is this: nothing seems to make anymore any fuc****ng sense in their lives! That everything was much more simple when they were just a bounty hunter and a farm boy.

It's not that Din doesn't want to find other Mandalorians and help his people. He and Bo-katan may not always see eye to eye, but they both made extremely clear how loyal they are to their creed. It's just that Din doesn't know anymore if he still has a right to that title and to the armour he wears, if everything he was taught was a lie or not. He broke a lot of rules for the child and can't decide if that is for the best or not.

Luke, on the other hand, can't decide what to make of the Jedi teachings and contradictions he has collected. How can he act like expected and pass on lessons he himself isn't really sold on. It was his family and his ties that kept him alive and safe from the dark when facing the Emperor and his father, but it was also attachments and the Jedi's taboos that had damned his father to begin with. Should he encourage the complete detachment the old texts preached about, should he too talk only of light and cast a shadow on everything that didn't fall in that limited range of the force? But most importantly: should he keep his young apprentice from his beloved father and pointedly ignore the warm flame the mandalorian had effortlessly lit up in him?

Luke can't help but notice that when he slips and gets a bit too close, a bit too intimate and touchy with the other man, the mandalorian doesn't push him away and seems to answer this boldness with an awkward, shy breathlessness. While a part of him knows, Luke doesn't allow himself to hope or acknowledge that flicker in his chest might be mutual.

[rosesloveletters]

As we approach the anniversary of Heath Ledger’s passing, I would like to use my platform to discuss a few things I find increasingly important that we, as fans, keep in mind: Do NOT mock his death. Do NOT harass his family, friends, etc. (don’t ever do this, but especially not this week or the day of.) Do NOT use his death to signify your online presence. Those of us who appreciate this hard-working, loving, giving soul deserve the freedom of expression granted to us, given that we remain within the bounds of positivity, consideration for others and for Heath Ledger himself. 

(image: Heath photographed for The West Australian on June 9th, 2001.)

I implore you to treat everyone with respect and to honor Heath in a way in which you would honor a loved one; be kind, courteous, respectful and tactful whenever you are discussing his passing and remain conscious of others and their feelings regarding this subject. It is a subject of sensitivity for many and I ask that you consider how others might feel when approached with the topic. Do NOT pass around photos of him that the paparazzi took on that fateful day. This is a blatant disregard for Heath and his privacy; He was unable to consent to having those photos taken, for obvious reasons, and I am certain that he would not have consented, given his distaste for the paparazzi and having felt as though his life was ‘on display’. 

Remember to treat him and others with respect. It is the bare minimum of common courtesy when dealing with such a raw topic; Heath would be honored by how most choose to remember him and I think that he would be humbled by the legacy he’s left behind.

On another, more important note, we must to remember a few things regarding the late Heath Ledger: 

He did not die because of his role as The Joker in ‘The Dark Knight’. 

He did NOT die of a suicide. 

Heath was struggling with insomnia, illness, his break-up with Michelle and (presumably) depression (though I don’t believe that was ever officially confirmed) at the time of his passing and we must remember how sensitive a subject this is, for his family, loved ones, friends and fans alike. 

For more factual information on his passing, I recommend visiting these links provided: 

Friends and Family Remember His Final Weeks 

Some important quotes from this article to take into consideration: 

“Gerry Grennell, Ledger’s friend and dialect coach who lived and worked with the star while he was shooting The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus in the final weeks of his life, spoke with PEOPLE in 2017 for a cover story on Ledger, nine years after the actor’s death. He recalled his friend being “exhausted, emotionally and physically” while battling a lingering pneumonia-type illness.”

“Grennell said the star’s mood was low. “He missed his girl, he missed his family, he missed his little girl — he desperately wanted to see her and hold her and play with her,” he added, referring to Ledger’s former girlfriend Michelle Williams and their then-2-year-old daughter, Matilda. “He was desperately unhappy, desperately sad.””

But in his final weeks, Grennell said Ledger knew he was spiraling. Still, he couldn’t stop himself from taking the pills. “He said, ‘I got to stop, it’s not helping, I’m not well, it’s making me feel more upset,’” Grennell continued. “It wasn’t helping with the relationship issues, it wasn’t helping with missing his kid, it wasn’t helping his sleeping — and he knew that.”

“Being such a social guy, having to be a bit of a hermit, or wear hats and glasses was super annoying,” he added, describing the lengths to which Ledger went to avoid the paparazzi. “His happiest I remember was times like when we were in Bondi on the beach catching waves, and nobody really looking his way, and when he moved to Brooklyn and could walk around with nobody bothering him.”

Heath Ledger’s Father Kim Speaks of Son’s Death - Trigger Warning: Kim Ledger mentions seeing EMS removing Heath’s body from his home in new York. This video and its message is EXTREMELY important; if you choose to view no other material listed here, please watch this short interview. 

Statements Made by Heath Ledger’s Sisters

Heath Ledger’s Sisters Clear Up Rumors About His Death In New Documentary

Some important quotes from this article to take into consideration: 

Though the doc doesn't elaborate on the "demons" that plagued Ledger's final days, it does change the narrative about his mental state at that time. According to the actor's family, Ledger's role in The Dark Knight didn't depress him, as so many tabloids had reported. It energized him."It was coming out that he was depressed and it was taking a toll, and we were going, 'What?'" Bell said. "It was the absolute opposite," Kate Ledger added. "He had an amazing sense of humor, and I guess only his close family and friends really knew that. But he was having fun. He wasn’t depressed about The Joker."

That's about as far as the film delves into Ledger's death. Instead, I Am Heath Ledger chooses to focus on his life. It may not be a complete picture of the actor, but after nearly a decade of rampant rumors and tabloid gossip, it's nice to see Heath through his own lens.

Speculation into Heath’s passing has been vast, leaving much to the media to exaggerate and perpetuate; there is very little evidence or proof that lends to the fact that Heath was an ‘addict’ as has been portrayed, however this statement can be found on his Wikipedia page: 

“Ledger was "widely reported to have struggled with substance abuse.” Following Ledger's death, Entertainment Tonight aired video footage from 2006 in which Ledger stated that he "'used to smoke five joints a day for 20 years” and news outlets reported that his drug abuse had prompted Williams to request that he move out of their apartment in Brooklyn. Ledger's publicist asserted that some reportage regarding Ledger and drugs had been inaccurate.”

When discussing his death, please keep in mind that a large portion about his personal life has been over-exaggerated and therefore, research is key.

Heath’s private life is not something we should pry into and we should be respectful of the fact that we simply do not have the information to conclusively determine certain theories. It is among human nature to ask questions and want answers, but it is our responsibility to know what is appropriate and how we should go about researching such a topic. 

Do not pry into Heath’s private life; be mindful of the information you choose to share and treat him as you would treat any other person. Just because he is a “celebrity” does NOT mean that every detail of his life should be public access. Treat him how you would want to be treated; you are not entitled to his private life, nor is anyone other than those he was closest to. 

We have countless interviews and testimonies to his character from family and friends, those of which prove to be the most accurate. 

Check out this video: Famous People Talking About Heath Ledger to hear some of these positive testaments to his character.

Drug abuse is a very serious matter; I do not condone Heath’s decision to abuse prescription drugs, nor should any fan; his death provides a testament to the dangers of prescription pills and we should remember to be mindful of their effect. Prescription drug abuse is a serious matter and we should not overlook the seriousness of it.

If you or someone you know is suffering from Opioid drug abuse, visit the link provided for the CDC’s help and resources

Please remain respectful while researching his passing and use discretion. Information perpetuated by the media has proved time and time again to be harmful to those in the limelight and Heath was a victim of that as well. Respect the fact that we do not know of his private life and accept that we do not have the right to know. There is a large amount of information present, providing speculation into this subject and I advise you to research with caution, as some of it is damaging to Heath’s character. 

Most importantly, use this time to remember Heath for the incredibly gifted and talented soul that he was. As fans, it is important not only to understand his passing, but to keep his legacy alive through the ways in which we choose to honor and remember him. 

Heath Ledger’s death was a tragedy. His family and friends still grieve his passing and his daughter, Matilda, is without a father due to his premature death. Please be respectful and courteous of this and honor Heath in a way in which he would be proud of. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy post. With much controversy surrounding Ledger’s death, I felt it necessary to speak out on a couple of things, especially with the anniversary of his death coming up. Please feel free to add onto this post any way you would like, especially if you find more information that is factual and important to share within the community.

 I will reiterate: BE RESPECTFUL. BE COURTEOUS. BE KIND. Do NOT harass his family and friends. Do NOT mock his death. Do NOT share offensive/upsetting images or media that is damaging to his character, now or ever. Respect others who choose to use this time simply to remember this wonderful man for all that he was and do not discuss his passing with anyone who might be triggered by the mentioning of it. 

This community is a loving, caring and amazing place where we choose to remember Heath in our own ways and keep his memory alive through the creations and art we all share. Build each other up and listen to one another; treat each other as if you are looking at Heath directly and show the world the same kindness he showed while he was among us. 

Thank you. 

[j-casper]

Emily Prentiss x Alex Blake x Jennifer Jareau

alternate au: emily comes from Interpol to help the BAU with another case, and, along the way, the team learn something new about Emily and Emily learns something new about two of the members

note: for this, we shall pretend that JJ and Will + Alex and James were never a couple

many thanks to @criminalrainyxx for the help :D

| | |

“Statistically, only seven out of every 100 students get into Yale. That’s roughly less than 6.5% of applicants every year.” Spencer’s voice droned on, excitedly informing the team about Ivy League schools due to the victims all having attended one.

“I attended Yale,” Emily mentioned offhandly to them as she read the file carefully, not even realizing what she said until silence overtook the room and she froze, looking up to see everyone staring at her, different expressions of shock on their faces.

Morgan blinked, “you attended Yale?”

“For what degree?” Spencer blurted out, wide eyed.

Emily faltered, eyes shifting from each of her team members before finally sighing as she realized that there was no taking back what she said and they wouldn’t drop it anytime soon.

She cleared her throat, smiling nervously, “I went there for my doctorate in Criminal Psychology.”

“Prentiss, you have a doctorate?” Rossi’s eyebrow raised, impressed and Emily nodded shyly, ducking her head to avoid their gazes.

“Yeah, it was after I got my bachelor’s and master’s in Criminal Justice at Chesapeake Bay University.”

“Why don’t you make us call you doctor, like pretty boy over here?” Morgan asked confused, slight hurt on his face showing from not knowing this about his (ex)partner.

Emily sighed softly, “because, I don’t want my education to speak for my worth. I’m just Emily Prentiss guys and a degree won’t change that.” She ran her fingers through her hair frustratingly.

“Still,” Blake interrupted, piercing dark eyes meeting Emily’s own and causing the younger woman to shift in her seat, “it’s something to be proud about.”

Her voice was soft, careful, as if Emily was a timid deer that would take off at any moment at even the slightest moment, and with the way Emily had been acting around the older woman and JJ, it wasn’t far from the truth.

Emily had been devestated when visiting from London and discovering that JJ had entered a relationship with the professor / new team member on the BAU.

That was until Emily met Alex Blake and realized she was utterly screwed when she found herself falling for the older woman’s charming wit and spark of sass.

She fell for a couple—two people unattainable and together with each other.

Needless to say, Emily grew even more devestated and resolved herself to never confess her feelings.

In her mind, she didn’t stand a chance with the two people that clearly were so into each other that they didn’t see anyone else.

So, she resigned herself to acting much like the timid deer Alex was speaking to her like: shy and withdrawn around the couple, and running off at the first instance she’s able to get away once they try engaging her in conversation together.

“I guess,” Emily murmured, eyes meeting the table as she shrugged. Then, she shook her head and looked up before clearing her throat, “we should worry about our unsub though.”

The BAU team was smart enough to take the hint and left her alone, them quickly falling into discussing the case and victims.

Emily never did notice the two sets of eyes watching her as she fidgeted with her pen.

Nor did Emily notice the soft and awe-filled look in said eyes.

No—

Like always, Emily Prentiss remained oblivious.

...

“So a doctorate, huh?” JJ said out of nowhere, breaking Emily’s concentration on the book in front of her, “fancy.”

Emily looked up from her book, watching as JJ and Alex took a seat across from her on the plane.

She smiled nervously, “I mean, yeah.”

“Much have been a lot of work, Dr. Prentiss,” Alex comments, small smile on her face as she teased.

Emily ducked her head, feeling her face briefly heat up. She tried willing her blush to go away, eyes carefully avoiding the other women’s eyes when she finally looked up.

“A little bit,” Emily admitted at last, remembering the long nights in the library to study and the times that she almost quit and gave up from the pressure.

“My mother wasn’t very happy when I admitted to wanting to go into Criminal Justice, much less a doctorate in Criminal Psychology,” Emily muses, shrugging her shoulders casually as if her mother’s opinion didn’t matter. A small smile curled on her face though as she answered a few seconds later, voice full of fondness, “my old nanny, Carla, was so proud though. She called practically all of her family to announce that I was getting a doctorate.” She recalled the cake that Carla made for her in congratulations and the celebration dinner with Carla’s family she attended, the playful jokes exchanged in between everyone and the teasing she was on the end of about whether or not she finally had a girlfriend. She chuckled quietly at the thought and shook her head, looking up as her smile widened.

“She sounds amazing,” JJ told her softly, smiling back.

Emily gently set aside her book, “yeah, she is. I still attend most Christmas dinners with her and her family actually, and I send a bunch of letters and post cards.”

“She raised you,” Alex guessed, eyebrow arching.

Emily nodded, “more so then my actual parents. Mother was too busy being a diplomat and Father was...” She trailed off, eyebrows furrowing before eventually just shaking her head in an attempt to shake away the thoughts of her father. She didn’t comment or think further on him, instead quickly looking over to the case file beside her.

“So, what do you think about our unsub?” She asked, trying to change the subject and eventually relaxing when Alex and JJ didn’t question her further.

“Well, he seems to—”

...

“—and this is Agent Prentiss from Interpol, who has agreed to help us out for the case.”

“It’s a pleasure,” Emily responded, shaking the lead detective’s hand firmly. The man smiled.

“Pleasure is all mine, Agent.”

He turned towards the others, “I really hope you can catch the son of a bitch that did this.”

Hotch nodded, “well, that’s why we’re here. Tell us what you know.”

...

“So, Interpol is in London, right?” The lead detective asked curiously.

Emily kept flipping through the file as she answered offhandly, “yeah.”

“Must be interesting. Do you enjoy it?”

Emily paused, thinking carefully, “it’s not too bad.”

He smiled, “I bet.”

Emily hummed, eyes scanning the file.

“Is there much dating in London?” He asked and Emily paused, feeling his eyes on her.

“Not much. I don’t really date,” she admitted, looking up.

“A shame, but maybe I can take you out sometime?” He flashed her a crooked grin and Emily shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

“Umm—”

“Emily, there you are,” JJ interrupted, walking in with Alex trailing behind her, “we need your help.”

Emily barely managed to hold in her grateful sigh, and quickly gathered up the files in front of her, not noticing Alex’s silent stare towards the detective causing him to look away quickly.

“So, what do you guys need?” Emily asked as soon as the door behind her was shut, files piled in her hand.

“You looked like you could use saving,” Alex told her bluntly, amusement written across her face.

Emily flushed and quietly grumbled, “I would say.”

“So, you don’t really date?” JJ asked curiously and Emily stiffened.

They must have heard her exchange with the detective.

“Not really,” Emily admitted before pausing and deciding to be truthful, “I try but then it usually goes wrong.”

She recalls the multiple dates in the past with several women where she tried to make it work but something always went wrong: they cheated on her, they couldn’t deal with her job’s long hours, or even that they just couldn’t work out.

It probably didn’t help that Emily had hopelessly been in love with JJ for years, and now Alex.

“That’s a shame. I’m sure anyone would be lucky to have you,” Alex commented and Emily flushed at JJ’s nod of agreement.

“Yeah, I guess,” she admits at last quietly and thoughtfully, clutching the files in her hands closer to her body.

...

Morgan’s eyes silently met Emily’s own and she nodded, gun ready as they split ways.

Carefully she walked around the downstairs part of the house, flashlight assisting her vision.

She entered each room after the next until arriving in front of the shut bedroom door and paused, hand quietly turning the knob and pushing the door open.

“Chris Anderson?” She spoke, gun aimed towards the back of the figure facing the bedroom window as she entered, “turn around, slowly.”

The figure spun around.

Bang.

Emily stumbled back, a searing pain shooting through her leg as she crumbled to the ground.

She had never even seen the bullet coming.

...

Beep...Beep...Beep...

Emily groaned quietly, eyes fluttering open and immediately squinting at the bright white ceiling of her hospital room. She winced, arm coming up to cover her eyes.

“Emily?” A soft, familiar voice filled her eyes and her head lolled to the side, blinking.

Her voice came out, soft and croaky, “J-Jayje? A-Alex?” Her throat was dry, scratchy, and she barely resisted the urge to wince as sat up in the hospital bed.

In the next instance, Alex held out a cup of water, guiding the straw towards Emily to allow her to drink from it. She took a few sips, sighing in relief at the cool sensation going through her sore throat.

“What happened?” She asked finally, looking up from the drink.

“Unsub shot you in the leg. By the time the paramedics arrived, you had lost a lot of blood,” JJ told her quietly.

“Oh.”

“Oh?” JJ spoke, eyes narrowing, voice rising slightly in pitch, “you get shot and all you have to say is oh?” Her voice sounded distraught and angry, and Emily barely resisted the urge to flinch.

Alex’s hand gently laid itself on JJ’s shoulder and the blonde visibly relaxed, and Emily shifted then in the bed nervously. Her shoulders fell at the look the two women exchanged, full of love for the other.

It was bad enough that she had been shot, but now she had to watch the two people she had feelings for practically, and unknowingly, flaunt their relationship in front of her.

“—Emily?” Alex’s voice broke her out of her thoughts and she shook her head, not meeting either of their eyes.

“I’m fine,” she muttered half-heartedly.

Yet, she was anything but.

...

She’s been ignoring the team.

It’s three days after the case ended and Emily had been shot in the leg, that Emily decides to go back to London despite having a few weeks off due to her injury.

Slowly, she packed everything away into her suitcase on her hotel bed before carefully zipping it up. She stepped back and sighed softly, taking a quick glance at her watch.

“Two hours. I have time,” she mumbled to herself, hand reaching towards the remote and flipping through the channels before stopping on the first thing that remotely interested her.

For an hour, she got lost in the world of Tom and Jerry, laughing softly everytime Tom was thwarted from catching Jerry.

A knock on her hotel door bought her out of her show however, eyebrows furrowing as she stood up and walked to the door. She leaned in, cautiously looking through the peep hole and sighing softly at the image of the people on the other side.

She stepped back, turning the knob.

“Hi,” she gave a timid smile and JJ sighed.

“Hi. Can we come in?” JJ asked her softly and Emily hesitated before finally nodding, opening the door and allowing them to enter.

“Is everything okay? Is there a new case or...” she trailed off, cocern sprawled across her face at the indecipherable look written across their faces.

“You’ve been ignoring us,” Alex interjected, eyebrow arched and Emily barely resisted the urge to flinch.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t been—”

“Emily,” JJ interrupted, eyes cutting to hers and Emily immediately looked away, quieting.

“And you’re about to leave without saying goodbye too,” Alex commented, eyes taking in the packed suitcase on Emily’s bed.

Emily shrugged, “missing my apartment.”

JJ scoffed, “more like ignoring us and running away like always.”

Emily flinched, throat tightening as she tried to answer.

JJ’s eyes shun with anger and sadness as she met Emily’s own, “why?” She mumbled softly, voice almost begging for an answer.

Emily shook her head. “I can’t,” she said, half-heartedly.

“Can’t,” Alex asked, “or won’t?”

Emily winced.

“Come on, Em, this isn’t like you,” JJ whispered, “what’s going on?”

Alex’s and JJ’s eyes carefully bored into Emily’s own and Emily couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“I—I love you guys, okay, and I can’t,” she choked out finally, the truth spilling out as tears gathered in her eyes, “I can’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt seeing you guys together because I know I would never have a chance with either of you, much less both of you. I thought that seeing others would help but it doesn’t and I don’t want to ruin my friendship with either of you. I have to leave.” Her voice caught at the end as a choked sob burst out of her throat and she blinked rapidly, willing the tears to go away as she tries desperately to compose herself.

“Emily,” JJ’s soft voice interjected and Emily shook her head rapidly, backing away when both women stepped foward to approach her.

“No,” Emily stated, eyes lowering to stare at the floor so she can’t see their reactions, “you should both leave.”

“For a profiler, you sure are oblivious,” Alex stated and Emily blinked, shock and confusion filling her as she titled her head up slightly, still not meeting their eyes but listening closely.

A hand met her chin, tilting her head up. Her wide eyes met Alex’s and she blinked in confusion and her eyebrows furrowed, “What—”

Before she could finish, warm and soft lips met her own and before she could think further, her eyes fluttered shut, gently leaning her body into Alex’s as she returned the kiss.

Careful hands settled on her waist from behind and Emily squeaked softly in Alex’s mouth as JJ pressed up against her behind, before the blonde’s soft humming lulled her to slowly relax.

She breathed heavily when the kiss ended, chest heaving and hair mussed as she tried catching her breath. Her mind racing as she tried registered what had just happened.

She licked her lips, “W-what was that?” Her voice came out soft and timid. JJ’s soft laugh sounded in her ear.

“It means, we like you too, Em,” JJ told her warmly into her ear and Emily’s eyes widened.

“Really?” She squeaked, and Alex hummed.

“Like I said, for a profiler, you are very oblivious, sweetheart.” Alex’s fingers carefully tucked a strand of hair behind Emily’s ear and the younger brunette melted.

“Oh,” she breathed out softly.

“Yeah, idiot,” JJ teased, before her voice lowered, full of warmth, “now, it isn’t fair that Alex got a kiss and I didn’t.” Even without looking at her, Emily could tell the blonde was playfully pouting and she laughed.

She turned around in their arms to face the blonde and grinned, hands coming up to loop around the back of JJ’s neck.

She leaned in. “Now, we can’t have that, can we?” she whispered fondly and amused before closing her eyes, lips meeting the blonde’s at last.

[ineffable-endearments]

Okay. Now I'm going to submit some theories about how I think Crowley and Aziraphale specifically are going to go in the future of Good Omens.

Again, this post is not really...specific theorizing about plot events. It's big-picture stuff.

With that said, this post will get a bit heavy at times, in the sense that it will contain opinions that not everyone will like. It drifted into rambling about queerbaiting and all that stuff. I'm not going to spam anyone's dashboard with drama over it, but it's very possible someone else might try. It's also not really a negative post, depending on what you want to hear, I suppose. But if you're only in the mood to read fluff today, you'll probably want to pass it up.

Oh! Also it's very long, and sexuality is discussed in a vague way that doesn't involve any story elements or body parts.

For starters, I don't think Good Omens 2 - or even 3, if that comes about - is going to have anything explicitly sexual or romantic between the two of them, where "explicit" is things like the characters giving outright definitions of their relationship or outright discussing exactly what goes on between them, either on or off-screen. I also don't think there's going to be kissing or "hooking up" (come on...that person on Twitter shouldn't have even asked). Those actions are too blatant for what Neil has already said about the series. While they technically leave some room for interpretation, they probably don't leave enough.

I DO think it's quite possible other characters will continue to define the relationship FOR them and Crowley and Aziraphale will continue to not deny it.

As far as the queerbaiting debate, "is Good Omens queerbaiting"...it's gonna depend how you define it. I always learned that queerbaiting was basically where the creators intentionally make it look like a character is gay or otherwise queer but then swap that character development out for a cis identity and hetero relationship at the end. The point is that the "bait" leads to queer audiences being actively hurt. That's the behavior that seems awful to me, and I don't see Neil and company doing that.

However, I think it's far and away the most likely option that it will be left up to interpretation whether Crowley and Aziraphale are, you know, a buddy duo or a romantic couple or some sort of ineffable queerness all their own off-screen. So if your definition of queerbaiting is "the characters seem gay to us, but homophobes can tell themselves they're not," then yes, I think that debate will follow us to our graves if we let it.

I am a cisgender, possibly straight (?? demi/bi? I might never find out) woman. There is absolutely no way I could ever tell anybody, ESPECIALLY not gay guys and nonbinary people - the people Crowley and Aziraphale tend to resemble the most - how to feel about their treatment in the story. All I can offer is that I'm one flawed individual and there are things I have the emotional capacity to handle and things I don't. Crowley and Aziraphale as both a canon construct and a fandom pairing mean an absurd amount to me, and I can't hang around in spaces where people are constantly talking about how my own interpretations of them are not enough, or how the story is written with ill intentions. I don't want to stop anybody from venting about it, but I am going to be removing myself from those situations.

I like to imagine 1990 NeilandTerry, or TerryandNeil, as a sort of two-headed God who came up with Crowley and Aziraphale, set them loose on Creation, and now are watching them get up to way more ridiculous stuff in the brains of their fans than they'd ever imagined in the first place. I like to imagine them watching, amused and bemused, as their creations fall in love in thousands of universes, and saying, "Well, we didn't specifically Plan for this, but we did promise free will."

This is psychoanalytical toward a public figure and is therefore a bit dangerous, so please take it with an entire mountain of salt, but I sometimes think perhaps Neil sees some of his and Terry's friendship in Crowley and Aziraphale, and suspect that he wants to reserve the possibility that they could be platonic because he and Terry were platonic, while at the same time leaving room for the fans to have their own interpretations, too. Because if there's one thing that comes up really frequently with Neil, it's his belief in imagination and how much stories matter to people. He can have his little corner of the universe where A and C reflect himself and Terry, and we can have...literally anything we want, as long as we're willing to extrapolate just a little bit from canon. It's not even that much extrapolation! It's just "Yes, they love each other, so what exactly does love mean to you?" and if love means kissing, well then, if we can think it, we can have it.

Given that Neil has written LGBT+ characters before, I think he has non-bigoted reasons for wanting Aziraphale and Crowley to remain undefined, and given even the small chance that those reasons may involve the grieving process for a dead friend, I believe it is unkind to argue with him about it or hold his reputation hostage over it.

With that said, do I want canon kissing/hooking up/all that stuff we put in fics? Listen, I can't deny that I do! Personally, I'd be over the moon. I'd probably be so happy I'd have to go to the hospital to get sorted out. Even the thought of it makes me giddy and light-headed, because that physicality is a part of my own experience of love.

However, there are a lot of people who would feel left behind if that happened. Ace and aro people in the fandom whose love for their friends and partners is just as strong as mine, but who are sex-repulsed or just don't want to see kissing on-screen. The loss of Crowley and Aziraphale as a pairing who are extremely easy to interpret as queerplatonic would be hurtful to them, and I do not want to see them hurt like that. I don't think Neil does, either.

So, once again, the "best for everyone" option becomes a really strong canon relationship based in both narrative function and profound affection, which has genuinely thoughtful queer undertones and leaves open the logical possibility for romantic or sexual encounters but does not insist that they must happen. People, especially fans who are super invested, tend to have an easier time imagining scenarios that take place off-screen (e.g. kissing, sex) than they have erasing scenarios that they've already seen in canon (e.g., if someone wished they could continue viewing it as an ace relationship but they were shown "hooking up"). Also, while relationships are super emotional and extremely subjective, I'd argue that in a long-term adult partnership, the non-sexual connection is more important than the sexual one. As a fan, I'd prefer to extrapolate "they love each other so maybe they'd have sex" rather than "they're sexually attracted to each other so maybe they'll intertwine their whole existences together."

It probably isn't necessary to add, but I will anyway: I'm aware that Good Omens is sort of sacrificing social leverage - the ability to whack homophobes over the head with canon if they try to deny the show's queerness - and is thus not really contributing to making specifically gay relationships more widely seen and accepted. However, I don't think all stories have to invest heavily in every social issue they touch on for them to still be meaningful. I also do think Good Omens is an excellent example of a relationship that is extremely profound without being heteronormative.

I don't think the next season is going to be a rom-com. It will likely not even be a "love story," where the definition of "love story" is "a story that follows the development of a relationship and employs certain plot beats to make its point." Remember that conflicts and breakups are key to love stories, so if it IS a love story, then we're going to have to watch the relationship get challenged in ways some of us might have thought were already resolved in season 1! And while that could be thrilling and ultimately very good, it would also be likely to undercut some of the careful headcanoning and analysis we've already done. Any sequel is going to do that to some degree, but a second love story would probably do it a lot, with interpretations that people are even more protective of.

I'm sort of thinking the next season is likely to be a fantasy-heavy mystery, only because those are the two concepts Neil's introduction led with - an angel with amnesia who presents Crowley and Aziraphale with a mystery. Crowley and Aziraphale's connection to each other can still absolutely be a major theme! It can still be the thread stitching the plot together! It just probably, in my opinion, won't escalate and escalate and escalate like it did in season 1. And it will probably be woven in there among a lot of other plot threads that are, in many moments, louder. Still, I'd love to be left with the impression of these two existences, the light and the dark, subtly becoming more intimate, subtly growing more comfortable in this shared place they've chosen in the universe, gradually starting to behave like they know they aren't alone in the world anymore, all while other things happen to and around them.

Nonsexual physical intimacy - a really great hug, or leaning together on the sofa, or a forehead touch, or something like those, something that could happen in a lot of different kinds of relationships but is undoubtedly based in deep trust and affection and a desire to be close...that's the dream, for me. Oh, how lovely it would be.

Of course, I could be just absolutely, embarrassingly wrong about all this. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

[petra-realsnk]

Rivetra fanfic (divergence au)

Hi guys! Here’s the third chapter of Digging up a grave. As I’ve said before, this and the next one were meant to be the same, but the end result was quite long, so I’ve decided to split it. I’ll post the fourth today as well. I hope you enjoy! 

Warnings: sadness, mourning. 

You can also read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29610360/chapters/73198356

Digging up a grave (Chapter 3) 

Two weeks after being resurrected, Petra tries to cope with the loss of her teammates, while also adjusting to her new life. Just as he promised, Levi will accompany her to visit her father,  who now thinks her daughter pretended to be dead for a secret mission. During lunch, he brings up the subject of that letter…

Between lines

Two weeks have passed since Petra returned. Thenceforth, she had come under the protection of the army, having to put aside her former duties as a soldier until they could find some answers. Nevertheless, she had insisted on making herself useful, and had been helping with the maintenance of the barracks. After all, she was one of the few people capable of meeting the captain's standards of cleanliness… 

Petra had had time to mourn her companions, and to let the missed events sink on her. Many mornings she woke up with red eyes and a puffy face, ignoring the sour looks of the recruits who suspected her. Some of them had learned her story, and couldn't help but wonder, after losing many friends, why she had been allowed to return. Something she has been wondering as well…

Most soldiers were incredibly busy at that time, having to give many explanations after the truth of their world had been unveiled, so she found herself alone in most of the rooms, except for a couple guards that followed her around. As she worked, her mind wandered to other dark corners. Every little task made her think of her squad, who were no longer there to help nor bother. All those things they had done in company, she did now alone.

Levi had also found himself doing things on his own since that day. He stopped drinking tea for a while after the blow, to eventually go back to making it for himself. Accustomed to his solitude, he felt surprised to find Petra in the kitchen reaching for the kettle at dawn. He'd been acting on automatic that morning, and had to remind himself again that she was there, the same way he'd spent months waking up to tell himself otherwise. He was glad to see that she was better. They hadn’t seen each other since their talk in the dungeons, which now seemed so ethereal in his memory. 

“Good morning there.” His words made Petra wince, for her mind had been somewhere else. 

She was kneeling in front of the low cabinets, and returned his salute without hardly looking at him. It was obvious that she had been sleeping little and crying a lot. She had always been very receptive to her surroundings, but now her figure gave off an air of decay. 

“I can do it myself”, he told her. Levi didn’t want to stick his nose in her business, plus surprising someone in their emotions always made him feel awkward. 

"Don't worry it's fine. I'll bring it to you in a minute." She recollected herself quickly. 

Levi watched her silently, as he approached to help her pick things up. 

“Would you have a cup with me?” He asked, appreciating the moment he believed he could never live again.

“Sure.” She replied sweetly, slowly coming back from her saddened mind. 

They drank their tea in an awkward silence, but Petra knew it was better that way, for he hated small talk even more. 

“I'm sorry you had to be doing this alone.” She suddenly told him.  “I’ve been doing everything alone myself lately… It sucks.” 

She hadn’t realized how much she needed to talk with someone until that moment, and she really wanted it to be him on the other side. 

“I still carry them on everything I do. That’s one way to deal with it.” He told her, knowing perfectly well what she was going through. His words brought some warmth to her, as she decided to follow his example once more. 

“Captain. I’ve been locked in here for days, and I can barely take it like this. I need to do something else.” 

“I’ve already told you what’s your position right now. Stop asking.” He needed to cut her off. Fighting or not, she was still a soldier under his command, and he couldn’t have her breaking down. 

“Can I see my father then?” She asked, slightly defiant. 

In normal circumstances, he would’ve grabbed her by the collar for that, but he had a soft spot for her, plus she couldn’t be blamed for whatever mindfuckery she was going through after everything. 

“If you’re ready by mid day, I’ll ask Hange.” 

After hearing his reply, she felt wrong for reacting like that. She didn't know what was going on with her, but there was something different... She was having a hard time keeping herself together. 

“I’m sorry for… I’ll be ready by then.” She replied. Then, without losing a second, she got up and went to her dorm. Levi watched her leave, without knowing how to help her. She even had problems vocabulazing herself... 

Petra tried to sleep for a couple more hours before showering and getting ready to go home. She felt joyful for for the first time in days, thinking that she might be able to take a piece of her previous life back for at least a few hours, plus Levi would be accompanying her, wasn’t this everything she had wished for before?

Once she came out of the shower, someone knocked her door. She covered herself quickly and went to open. Petra was surprised to find it was Levi, who seemed to be already dressed up for the occasion. He wore a formal but simple black suit, with his characteristic white shirt and neckerchief. 

“Oh! Hello, captain, isn’t it a little bit early?” 

“I’ve brought you this. We gave all your stuff back to your father, and it will be suspicious for you to not have any street clothes of your own. “ 

He handed her a paper bag that contained a dress quite similar to those she always used to wear when off duty. Petra had picked his clothes back then a couple times, but she was surprised to see him nail her style that nicely. “He really has an eye for detail”, she thought. 

“There’s also a letter with some scheme Hange and I came with, you should memorize it.” He felt bad for having to ask her to lie to his poor father, but she seemed too entertained with that dress to care. 

“Oh! I’ll take a look at this”, she said, taking the envelope, “though I must advise you, it’s better to keep quiet in front of him. He’s too good at reading between the lines…” She always sounded more cheerful whenever she talked about him.  

Levi’s mind couldn't help but to remember the first time he approached him. “I wanted to discuss something with you before she sees me”, he had told him, “she said she wanted to devote herself to you, even though that’s her pride talking… as her father-” 

“Thank you, Captain Levi. I’ll be ready as soon as possible.” Her words brought him back from that flashback as she closed the door in front of him. This time she seemed more excited, and her mood had improved quite a lot from that talk they had in the morning. Levi went back to work, still thinking about what her father could have read between the lines of that letter.

                                                   xxxxxxxx

About an hour later, Levi was standing on the same spot. Petra’s door opened before he could even knock, and she stepped outside to meet him. She looked much more fresh after gaining some sleep, and the femenine cut of her dress did wonders to her figure. For some, it would’ve been hard to envision such a “girly girl”  as one of the fiercest soldiers the legion has ever had. For some others, that contrast was exactly what made her seem so versatile and fascinating, Levi within them. It’s important to remark that it wasn’t just a matter of appearance, as her personality could easily meet both extremes as well. 

They started walking together, and left the building using a discrete back entrance, to get as little attention as possible. Underneath, a carriage was waiting for them. 

“We have communicated your return beforehand to him, we don’t want your dad to have a heart attack before you’re even able to talk. Have you memorized our version of events?” Levi asked about halfway through their journey.

Petra nodded. “It’s quite hard to believe, but I guess the truth it’s even less believable.” 

They didn’t want the enemy to find out that easily that they had found the lost titan, so they wouldn’t leak the true information outside some trusted circles of the army. They have told the rest that Petra had gone undercover in a mission they could not disclassify yet, and that they had used the death of Levi’s squad to erase her as well. In order to protect her and her father, they had had to lie to him as well. They also included some minor details in order to make it more believable, although it was advised to not give much away. It wasn’t difficult to let it slip, considering that most of the soldiers who had seen her body back then were trusted individuals or already dead… 

They both stared at their scripts as they made their way through the fields. Soon enough, Petra got distracted by the familiar view of her land. Her father had a small farm he used for his own supply and some sales. Levi watched as her face brightened, finally kissed by the outside sun. She suddenly turned to look at him with a big smile and said:

“I’m glad to be coming back, and I’m really happy that you’re joining me, captain.” 

Levi couldn’t have imagined how much she had dreamed of introducing him to her father, or inviting him to dinner back then, but he thought it was kind of sweet for her to say that. 

She kept looking outside the window with a tender smile. Although the sky was gray, the field looked incredibly green, and a couple of houses could be seen in the distance. She had walked that road so many times… At one side of it, Petra’s house started to appear on the horizon, and she saw the figure of a man running towards them. Levi quickly catched the change in her expression, but it was too late. Petra opened the door of the carriage and jumped out while it was still moving. 

“OI, PETRA!” He screamed as he jumped behind her. 

When he hit the ground, he saw her running towards his father, who was already starting to lose his breath. He stayed still next to the carriage that had already stopped by then, and told the driver to leave. From afar, Levi saw Petra hug her father who seemed just as nervous as the first time he saw him. He started walking slowly towards them, noticing that they were both crying. He decided to remain just as far enough to listen without interrupting. 

“My girl! my girl I can’t believe it… You don’t know it, everyday… everyday I’ve missed you so much!” He batherly could keep himself standing between his daughter’s arms as he cried inconsolably. 

“I’m so so sorry papa, but you couldn’t know… I couldn’t let anything happen to you. I am so sorry. I am fine…” 

Levi felt displaced as he watched them. It was obvious that the two had a bond he had never been able to experience. 

“Look papa, I’ve come with captain Levi, he’s in charge of my safety for the day… He offered himself to bring me home.” 

“Ah… Hello, captain… I remember him from that time yeah…” He had just realized Levi was there, and tried his best to welcome him despite being a mess of emotions. 

“Hi.” Levi answered, visibly uncomfortable. He had always been awkward, but this time he really didn’t know how to react. When Petra died, he couldn’t mutter a single word while he tried to speak with him, it was someone else who had told him… All of these things he didn’t talk with Petra, who looked at him rather surprised to learn that they’ve met before. 

“Ah… I- I didn’t know that!” She was unable to lie, but tried to seem chill about it, because she knew that her father was… well… prone to embarrass her, even when he bore the best of wills. 

“I’ve been waiting for you since morning! I didn’t have much at home but I told the people of the village you were coming and they brought a lot of stuff! Oh Petra, they’re all crazy to see you…”

Petra's nerves shot up. “Dad! You weren’t supposed to tell anyone.” She looked at Levi fearing for his reaction. 

“I- ugh… Yeah, but when they asked what happened, when they saw me… I couldn’t- ”

“Unbelievable. We’ll let this pass for now, but you need to understand you’re endangering her by revealing her location.” Levi cut him. 

Petra’s father was visibly affected by his words.

“Don’t worry captain, I’m sure that If he talks with the people around here, they won’t say a word. These are all trustworthy people, and there aren’t much of us.” Petra tried to reassure him. 

“You’re right! I will ask them as soon as possible, if your captain is okay…”

“Fine.” Levi said in defeat. There wasn’t much he could do given the situation. 

“Please, come inside home!” He said without letting go of his daughter. “You too, captain Levi, I’ve been told about your mannerisms, and I can assure you that the house is spotless!” 

Levi was surprised to find out how much information Petra had been delivering to her father, while her face started to burn bright red.

“Papa! Please, don’t say those things. I am sorry captain!” They turned around and started walking towards their place, as Petra keeped to reprimand her father in a lowerer tone for his comment. 

The little farm was surely adorable, a place someone would imagine Petra coming from. The interior received a good amount of natural light, and as soon as they entered, a table full of food awaited for them. Levi kept following them a couple steps behind. 

“Oh, kids, you better not do this to me never again… I’m already old, and you’ve managed to take more years of my life.” He said as he started to serve the table. “Please sit.” 

“There’s no need papa, let me help you.” Petra said as she rushed into the kitchen. 

Levi, once again, sat there feeling awkward. These kinds of reunions weren’t his thing at all, although it was nice to see them together once more. After bringing everything that was missing, they started to eat. Petra and his father talked effusively about whom in the village had brought each thing. As they conversated, Levi started to see how Petra slowly shifted into her more natural version. She sounded more youthful and sassy… The same version of her he always saw from afar whenever she was with her teammates. He thought it was nice to experience her like this, from up close, when she’s unbothered by his presence.

“Ah… excuse my manners, Levi.” Started Petra’s father after realizing they were alienating him. “I don’t think I’ve told you before, but my name is Elias.” 

Levi still didn’t know how to include himself in the conversation, even after being addressed directly.

“Nice to meet you… I’m Levi Ackerman, although you seem to know a great deal about me already....” 

Petra blushed at his remark, but she also was shocked to learn about that surname. It was the first time he gave away something like that. 

“Oh! I thought you had another surname… Where are you from, Levi?” 

“Papa, he doesn’t really like to talk about him. How about you better update me on that bet you made with uncle Ben?” Petra tried to help Levi there, but he didn’t care. 

“I used to live underground. I didn’t have much left there when I joined the Survey Corps by petition of the previous commander.” 

Petra’s eyes widened, she had never seen him talk about his past, and was moved to finally learn something about him. It was obvious that he felt he had some kind of debt with them, why else would he feel the need to answer?

“I see… It must have been hard for you. Although I am glad you found your way out and became Petra’s leader.  From what she says… well… I think everyone at this point, your abilities are truly amazing, and you must be an exceptional leader if you’ve been able to inspire my girl like that.” 

Petra felt her face burning again. “Dad, could you please don’t bring me up like that?…” 

“Oh! But com’on, after that last letter you sent me, you left me truly worried. I even felt the need to discuss it with him…” 

Petra’s blood fell into her feet, he had done what?

 “Dad, have you actually...?” She asked him, terrified of his answer. 

“Ah, yes… I’m sorry, Petra. I just wanted him to know, so you wouldn’t get hurt. You see... captain, that time I was concerned about her “devotion” to you.” 

Levi began to feel uncomfortable once more, as he started to become the total center of the conversation. 

“DAD.” Petra looked at him horrified, her face completely red. “I‘ve already told you one hundred times, I wanted to devote myself to humankind. That was my dream.” She continued, trying to downplay it. 

“And you did! You even were chosen for his squad and that... mission… But you have to admit there was very little “humanity” and a lot of “Levi” in there… Well, there always was” Elias said, progressively lowering his tone. 

Petra thought she was going to literally die, as Levi remained quiet on the other side of the table. She needed to find a way out of that conversation as soon as possible, but her father was, once again, faster. 

“I didn’t want to lose you. That 's all… Ever since you joined the Survey Corps... You know how high the mortality is there. I always knew you were strong Petra, but I also wanted you to get a chance in life. Something, more… I prayed for you to come back every time. But suddenly, you started to talk about him. At the beginning it was a character more in the stories of your letters, but suddenly, he dragged you. All you wanted to do was to serve by his side, you were willing to die for him, and for a long time, Petra, I thought you did.” 

Levi’s stoic expression began to crack. 

“You’re my only child. The absolute light of my life, and I had to live with the thought of you being eaten alive every day. I wanted for you to get through that to then come home, and to finally be able to put it to rest. I never wanted to pressure you to lead a life you didn't want... But one day, you found out there your reason to live, and to die, and I couldn’t do anything... The way you talked about him… I knew you weren’t coming back.” 

Petra’s eyes softened, visibly moved by her father’s words. She knew it must have been hard for him to endure, and, after all, he had guessed her feelings perfectly… At the same time, Levi was thinking back again about that day, when Elias approached him for the first time. 

He had always known Petra to be kind, so he didn’t feel that he was an exception. He thought that she probably was able to read people’s feelings, and wanted to show them her understanding, just as she had done for so many comrades. It wasn't until that talk that he dared to think, for the first time, that she had loved him. With the passage of time, he started to think that pain had played a trick on him back then, and that it had only been the words of a concerned father, but now his suspicions resurrected.

“Back then…” Levi started. “Were you going to ask me to marry her?”

Petra turned his head violently towards her captain, who was now directly looking at her father. Elias lowered his gaze, not wanting to embarrass his daughter any further. Petra then got up, visibly frustrated at the two of them. 

“I’m going to say this only once, so you both listen to me carefully.” She said with a fiery look on her eyes. “My personal feelings are not of your concern, you listen? I’m not letting an intimate confession come in the way of all my work, and my sacrifice.” 

That last remark tingled Levi’s senses, he knew that was for him. 

“Everything I did, I did as a soldier, as a companion, and as a friend. Nothing more. I don’t need for you to take responsibility for how I feel. If I want to believe in someone, then I will, and If I want to marry them, I can ask them myself.” 

Both men sat in silence, as Petra took complete control over that conversation. Her words sounded strong and disciplined, once again demonstrating the incredible determination that she possessed, even when she was in such a vulnerable moment. Levi knew perfectly well that she was capable of taking charge of her feelings, after all, that had been one of the reasons he chose her in the first place.

“Good for me then, Petra.” He told her, respecting her decision to end the matter there. 

“You’re right… Please forgive me.” Said Elias, shortly after. 

“You guys should try this apple pie! Ilse’s sweets are always good.” Petra spoke once again, putting the best face she could to lighten the mood. 

In a short time, the intensity of the atmosphere began to dissipate, leading to something more festive. The three of them struck up simpler conversations as the hours passed. Levi watched them surprisingly relaxed, thinking about how such a gloomy memory could have led to such a funny scene. 

Once finished, Petra insisted on helping her father with some farm work. Levi knew the carriage would be picking them up shortly, but he decided to let it pass. When the driver arrived, he gestured for him to turn around, leaving Petra and Elias to enjoy a few more hours together. Later, he himself would accompany her on foot to the barracks. 

The hours went by as Petra and her father happily shared their tasks. Elias had been the third person who had found himself doing things alone since that day... But right now, they had each other again. Levi decided to help them too, looking from afar the family that would’ve welcomed him.  

[thegracelessfaceless]

Hey, I hope you‘re doing good!

If you‘re okay with it, I‘d like to ask for a creepypasta matchup please!

Physical stuff:

I‘m around 5‘7 with a rather athletic build and I‘m definitely working on having defined muscles, even though some people look at me weird for that, since I‘m a girl. I have dark blonde hair at around shoulder length and am rather pale. I get a lot of compliments about my eyes, which are light-brown and have very long and dark eyelashes. Most people even assume they’re fake at first glance.

I tend to wear whatever style fits my mood, but I have a special love for business clothing. But I also really like being comfortable, so I also have a lot of leggings and oversized hoodies. I pretty much always wear some kind of necklace and earrings though, no matter which clothes I have on.

General stuff:

About the MBTI - I always either get ENTJ or ENFJ. I‘m a Gemini sun with a Scorpio moon and Sagittarius rising, which are constantly at war.

I‘m also Demi-pansexual, but have a preference in men.

Hobbies:

- Reading, writing, drawing

- Climbing, Karate, going to the gym, yoga

- learning new languages

- learnings about politics, economics, philosophy and science (AI, biology, physics and I‘ll just count learning hacking into here as well)

- cooking and baking

Likes:

Nature, forests and mountains especially, animals (I own a cat), adventures big and small, going for long walks in the early morning, play-fights, talking to/ getting to know strangers, discussing politics and philosophy, tidy rooms, tea, coffee and hot chocolate, learning new things

Dislikes:

People who don’t care about logic and studies and can’t admit that they‘re wrong, boredom, people with no passions/interests whatsoever, people who hate risks and take themselves too seriously

Values:

1. FREEDOM. I won’t ever let anyone take that away from me. I can’t stand making myself dependent on someone - or someone making themselves dependent on me. Freedom does not mean coldness or distantness however, just that you trust your partner. Jealousy is a big no-no in the longterm.

2. Love. Most people just want to be understood and to be seen. I want people to be able to be whoever they want to be with me. I walk towards people having in mind that I like them and they can work their up or down from there. But even if I don’t end up liking them, I‘d still help them if they need it. Because, after all, I just love making peoples day a little better.

3. Success. If I want to reach a goal, I‘ll do everything necessary to do so. That doesn’t mean though that if I realize this goal was a mistake that I still wouldn’t stop and just keep on going the wrong way - that wouldn’t be true success. True success for me requires following my moral compass and reflecting my choices a lot.

Other:

- I love to daydream and coming up with short stories

- can and will send you pictures of cute animals I‘ve drawn with sentences like „lil‘ cat is coming to make your day a lil‘ better!“

- I have synesthesia: I can visually see my emotions as colors

- Because of some very bad trauma, I‘m scared of being touched in a even remotely intimate/sexual way. I need a lot of time and trust until I can enjoy even just hugging someone. This trauma is also why I wouldn’t ever want to get pregnant. It would the worst thing for me.

- I have some issues with anorexia sometimes, as well as with depression. This depression can make me have hallucinations and sometimes be very very aggressive. It’s extremely unusual for me to lose control though

- I have a ton of stuffed animals that I let only very few people touch. Most of them were gifted to me by people who were very important to me and died during my childhood. So stuffed animals are basically one of the biggest gifts to me

- the Love Language I speak is probably a mixture of quality time, acts of service and words of affirmation. But the ones I understand are quality time, words of affirmation and physical touch. I really like taking care of my own business myself the most

I match you with...

Tim Wright/ Masky

I feel like Tim can be a very patient man, and let's face it, both him and Masky have trust problems. So I feel like you would both take your time getting to know each other.

I also feel like Tim is a good match for you because he values your independent streak. Neither Tim or Masky need a girl that can't take care of themselves. He likes how hard you work towards goals and how driven you are.

I headcanon that Tim is a kind of "jack of all trades" guy, not just in physical work, but conversationally too. He'll keep you engaged in great conversation for hours, no matter the subject. He's also pretty good at reigning you back in when you get too riled up.

Tim's love languages are like yours, quality time, words of affirmation, and acts of service, but Masky is more tuned into physical touch. He can have entire conversations with you with just a few touches

Tim understands depression, given his mental health history and he cares, but he won't let you wallow in it. This is where he and Masky agree, sometimes, tough love is needed.

Tim met you outside of the library and he just had to shoot his shot. He's not sure if you were just being nice at first or picked up on his nervous energy, but you gave him a chance. The two of you stayed in the friend zone for a long time, not rushing anything.

When you met Masky, and then realized Tim wasn't aware of Masky, you decided to start working to bring them together, so they could function as a cohesive unit.

This is going... As well as can be expected.

So sometimes, it really is like you're dating two different people.

Both like to teach you new things. Tim taught you how to figure out more complex ciphers, and Masky likes to take you to the shooting range and play fight with you.

Every time either see you do something they taught you, the aura of "proud papa" comes over them.

When you finally are ready to have sex, you actually had to experience two first times, your first time with Tim and your first time with Masky (🚫Anon I saw your post on @whaleofatjme1920 's chat today, thanks for the headcanon idea!)

Masky has made it clear, no matter who it is, that you are off limits to all the other creeps. This goes to everyone from The Rake to Zalgo, to his own boss.

You won't be anyone's pawn

[avenger-hawk]

I was thinking about something, on the subject of fanfic writing.

Long post ahead. Feel free to skip but I gotta rant.

Fanfiction is less direct than fanart, that strikes immediately. Fanfiction requires an effort to read, even if it’s a pleasure once you read it. If you like it ofc.

I am a fanfic author. I wrote Naruto fics like you guys know, and I wrote fics for a small fandom that ships 2 italian singers who dueted once.

I observed fandom dynamics in this small one because I could see how it was born and how it proceeded and ate itself, because in most fandom there is some event that divides people and leads to the end. For Naruto it was the ending as before there were ship wars and many dramas but they weren’t as tragic as the ending, its pairings and the new shit. In this small fandom I wrote analyses that were incredibly appreciated, even more than my Naruto ones, and ofc I wrote headcanons and mostly fanfictions. Darkish and darkfics actually, and in the beginning there was no moral issues because people in Italy understand that fiction is not reality.

But shit happened anyway, because of twitter and details that it’s pointless to mention. This made most people act like hypocrites, and I called out these things, I wrote unpopular opinions especially on one of the parts of the ship and I was targeted as enemy lol. I argued back, you know how it works. I blocked people, I kept on doing my things. But with people blocked and unpopular opinions expressed, I was no longer popular. It didn’t matter that one of my fics was a Psycho Pass crossover, with inspiration also from dystopian literature classics, set in a retrofuturistic Italy where a sort of consumeristic fascism enabled mind control, and despite that technology being available, its slow bureaucracy still exists and influences the system, where I chose all the characters for all the roles in the most careful way, and where I made aesthetics and a soundtrack....it didn’t matter that this fic was very popular when I first posted it on tumblr then Ao3. It started to be ignored. Just like my other fics.

I kept on writing because I do it for myself, my girl whom I met in that fandom, and the occasional 2 readers, but whenever I post smth on my other tumblr I see how I am totally shunned, while a mediocre author who writes the same plot over and over, is adored. This other author periodically writes reviews to others’ fics, where she apparently praises but actually talks low and criticizes everything, but she’s popular because she writes a lot, like, AUs of all kinds with no regard for ICness, and her reviews happen always when she posts something new, so other authors feel compelled to review hers. She’ll become a politician I swear lol

Sure it’s not because person 1 is a better author, it’s because she’s got better manners. Even person 2 has because she’s fake and ppl don’t see her insults in the beginning. So it’s about manners, and this is what I wanted to express because it’s happening in this fandom as well.

Because I don’t like to see things that piss me off and I don’t like to discuss or worse, to be fake, I blocked so many people I don’t even remember, and among them there were big blogs as well. I wrote unpopular opinion, about Naruto the character and his dynamic with Sasuke, but mostly about Itachi, and this made me unpopular because how dare I not call him a cinnamon roll right? I am also sincere when I receive asks, which means being blunt at times, if smth pisses me off in my blog. And I’m too sincere when I say I don’t read others’ fanfictions because I was disappointed too many times lol.

In short, I don’t keep contacts. And in a fandom, having this or that blog ‘recommend’ you is crucial, like in real life, apparently.

Not blaming anyone here. I made my own choices, I have a hard life already, I sure don’t care about being fake nice when I have opinions. I would like to read some good fics but I don’t have the patience to look for good ones cause I know I won’t like most of them and I can’t pretend. And I learned the hard way that if you tell (some) ppl that you would like some respect they’re gonna feel attacked because (some) ppl feel entitled to tell the author whatever, but they don’t tolerate if said author talks back.

So, I am happy to see that readers always like my Itasasu fics, despite my unpopular opinions, I’m really happy. But I don’t always feel like writing IS as you guys know. Right now I’m working on 2 fics at the same time, a dark N*rusasu that is the sequel of another dark NS, and I don’t expect this to be popular because it’s a dark NS and Nar is not a ball of sunshine, actually I received a lot of hate for OFAF already, or for In The Dark, I’m actually surprised whenever I receive a positive comment lol. I’m also writing Broken Things, which is Shisui x Sasuke, which is a super rare pairing, and while I know that rarepairs are less popular, I remember how much more enthusiastic ppl were about my other Shisasu fic, Victims of Peace.

This is kinda making me doubt the value of Broken Things, even though, rationally, I know that it’s a completely different thing, as the plot is less important and it’s more slice of life-ish, and even though I’m enjoying writing it very much, maybe because I had this unpleasant experience with the other fandom, I kinda associate the two things.

Anyway. I wanted to let this out. If I’m not a popular author it’s not like I’ll stop writing. In fact I’m also writing fics for the other fandom cause instead of interrupting them I intend to finish them, because I value my writing more than popularity and more than being nice at all costs lol. You guys do you, I’ll do the same lol. Hawk out

[owl-with-a-pen]

Hi! I just read the fanfic about Brainy and Nia going to the future and meeting their daughter, I know you posted it a long time ago, I'm just new to tumblr, so if you can I want you to do a fic about the future, where Brainy's daughter and Nia is 5 years old. And it would be cool to see the antics that her daughter does.XD

- Sorry this took so long to fulfil, but yes! I’m sure she’d get into all sorts and this story probably only scrapes the surface! Thank you for the prompt x

Nia had always preferred the night over the day; maybe it was just her Naltorian side talking, but she’d always felt there was a certain peacefulness about the night-time that just couldn’t be replicated in daylight.

That definitely hadn’t changed since Nova had come into the picture.

The daytime had always been busy for a number of reasons. Balancing work and family life, balancing family and hero life - balancing work, family and hero life. But, now that Nova had reached an age where she was starting to explore her natural curiosities, Nia and Brainy hadn’t had the luxury of focusing on anything else. At five years old, they couldn’t let their daughter out of their sight for one second of the day.

The second the sun went down, though?

Nova’s sleeping pattern had always been pretty steady, and once she was out - she was out. She’d definitely gotten that from Nia’s side of the family. After all, Brainy didn’t really need all that much sleep, although he had admitted to her on more than one occasion that he enjoyed resting at her side, retreating to his inner network at hours Nia would otherwise be sleeping, working on small tasks and calculations reminiscent of an actual dream-state. In that way, he could still be close with her during the night, and Nia valued that time together immensely.

Of course, the fact Brainy didn’t actually need those extra hours had made him the best dad ever when it came to late-night wake-up calls courtesy of one baby Nova.

She still wasn’t old enough for them to know for certain the extent of her abilities; Brainy had predicted they wouldn’t fully develop fully until her teen years. Honestly, though? Nia didn’t care what powers Nova had; she was perfect no matter what.

Nia watched from the doorway that evening as Nova cuddled against Brainy on the bed. Her blonde hair was getting so long now, falling in relaxed waves down to her elbows, and the light green tone of her skin was almost washed out entirely by the soft purple of her nightlight on the bedside table. She was curled into Brainy’s chest, chewing idly on her thumbnail, her dark eyes scanning along inquisitively to the passages he was reading aloud to her. Nia smiled privately to herself; Brainy really got into character when reading Nova to sleep, making a big show with grand gesticulations and silly voices, even when the book of choice for tonight was an account on quantum mechanics from Carlo Rovelli’s collection.

Nova had a unique taste in literature, that was for sure and, while she was definitely getting a taste for mathematics and physics, she also still enjoyed simpler story telling. Nia and Brainy had decided to switch up who read to her each night. Sometimes, they’d choose something on Brainy’s bookshelf, and other times they would go for stories catered for a younger – human - mind, like The Far Away Tree, or even folk stories like Little Red Riding Hood or Goldilocks.

Nova really liked Goldilocks; Nia must have read it to her at least twelve times this month alone.

As Nova let out a big yawn, relaxing further into her dad’s side, Nia caught Brainy’s eye, jerking her chin towards the door.

He nodded his understanding, continuing his narration as Nia ducked out of the room, heading towards the living room where Alex was waiting for her, already working open a bottle of red.

“How is she?” Alex asked, sizing up her wine glass as she began to fill it up generously.  

“She should be asleep soon,” Nia said. “But, uh, Brainy sometimes runs Q and A sessions with her if she stays awake through a whole chapter.”

Alex snorted. “Only for Nova would I find that concept adorable.”

Nia collapsed onto the sofa, snatching her wine glass immediately. She reached out expectantly to Alex, grinning when she rolled her eyes, ditching her own wine glass to fill up Nia’s.

“Why, thank you,” Nia said, tucking her legs up beneath her.

Alex tipped her own glass with a wry smile. “It’s my pleasure, really.”

Nia took a long sip, savouring the rich taste. They couldn’t exactly go off the walls with a toddler sleeping next door, but right now, anything that could offer her a brief period of relaxation, Nia was more than eager to accept. She swirled her glass thoughtfully. “You know,” she murmured, “Brainy’ll probably need something a little stronger to take the edge off.”

“Oh, way ahead of you,” Alex said, shifting to the edge of her respective sofa to grab a bottle she had stowed away inside her backpack. She placed it on the coffee table with a flourish, giving Nia the opportunity to try and decipher the alien script scrawled across the label. “Kara recommended this,” Alex said, raising a finger. “Please do not ask me what it’s called, because I will not be able to pronounce it.”

Nia snorted, taking another sip of her own regular alcohol. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.”

“He better, this stuff wasn’t cheap.” Alex smirked, leaning back into the sofa. “How have you guys been, anyway? I feel like this is the first time we’ve seen each other in months.”

Nia opened her mouth, only to frown. Had it really been that long? All the days had been blurring together recently, and yet each one seemed to be separated by something inexplicably unique in its own right – courtesy of one overly curious toddler.

Nia wasn’t even sure she could remember the last time she’d visited the Tower, and going out for patrol or even something as simple as date night was so far off the table right now, it might as well have been in another galaxy. There wasn’t a sitter in the city willing to take on a genius, alien five-year-old with a penchant for mischief.

To Alex, Nia only shrugged. “Nova’s just been needing a lot of our attention lately. Well, all of it, actually. Or else she’ll burn the apartment down.”

Alex’s eyes widened. “Wait, like seriously burn the apartment down?” When Nia pursed her lips, Alex’s mouth fell open. “Is that normal?”

Nia rolled her eyes, leaning back into the cushions. “According to Brainy, yeah. Coluans express themselves through their intellect, and Nova’s been flexing that muscle a lot lately. Brainy thinks it’s a good sign, that she’ll probably rise to the twelfth-level, but we don’t exactly have much for a frame of reference, y’know?”

“Well, you have Brainy,” Alex considered. “How was he raised?”

Nia shifted uncomfortably, averting her gaze. She took a long sip of her wine to fill the silence. “Uh,” she said softly. “That’s sort of a… sore topic, actually.” She bit her lip, running her thumb along her glass’s neck. “He had robot caregivers for the most part.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

By the subdued look on Alex’s face, Nia knew she didn’t want to butt in with any more questions on the subject of Brainy’s upbringing. Brainy had certainly shared a portion of his childhood with his friends, at least enough for them to know that his parents were not a topic up for discussion if he could help it.

Even with Brainy occupied with Nova in the other room, Alex didn’t appear comfortable to continue the direction of their conversation.

Nia chuckled softly, trying to clear the air. “Anyway,” she said quickly, steering them back on topic, “there isn’t an earth-equivalent to a robot nanny here; well… except for…” She stopped herself suddenly, resisting the urge to grin.  

Alex narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Except for what?”

Nia shook her head, pressing a finger to her lips to keep from laughing outright. The wine was definitely starting to do its job - not thirty minutes ago, thinking about this would have only stressed her out. She reached for the wine bottle, eager to keep this high going for as long as humanly possible, topping up her glass. As soon as it was full, Nia took another long swig, breathing deeply as the wine warmed her chest. “Kelex,” she said on her next exhale, unable to keep the smile from her voice.

Alex laughed incredulously. “Wait, what? Kel- Kelex? From the Fortress?” She shuffled to the edge of her seat, almost conspiratorially. “Doesn’t Brainy hate that thing?”

Nia shrugged half-heartedly.

Alex’s eyes widened. “Why does he hate that thing?”

That question seemed to ground her, at least. Nia winced. She was pretty sure they were skirting back along unsavoury territory. “He was never totally clear with me,” she admitted, staring down into her glass, “but I’m pretty sure Kelex reminds him of his own caregivers. They – uh – didn’t exactly get along.” She rolled her eyes. “Anyway, it doesn’t even matter. Brainy was happy to entertain the idea, but the second Kara brought Kelex over, Nova was obsessed with the thing. She rewired it in like… twenty minutes.”

Alex stared. “She’s five, right?”

“She’s also half Coluan,” Nia reminded her, toasting her glass in Alex’s direction. “Dismantling machinery is better than any toy I could buy her.” She closed her eyes at that, pulling a face. “I left her in the bathroom for ten minutes today to shower and by the time I got out, she’d turned my hairdryer into a blowtorch.”

Alex winced into her wine glass. “Oof.”

“She’s just curious,” Nia said quickly, rubbing idly at her forehead. Was she really getting a wine headache already? God, she was really out of practice. “She’s exploring her intellect,” Nia said eventually. “It’s healthy for her and I wanna encourage that, I do—” She sighed heavily. “It’s just…”

“Exhausting?”

Nia smiled bleakly. “That obvious, huh?”

“Then, take a break,” Alex insisted.

Nia stared at her levelly. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Hey,” Alex said with a smirk, pushing the wine bottle over to Nia’s side of the table. “Start with this. Finish the whole thing. Trust me, I have more.”

When Nia laughed, Alex glanced up at her, eyes flashing with a smile. “And, if you guys need a real break, you know that Kelly and I would be happy to help out.”

“You sure about that?” Nia asked warily. “Remember what I just said about the blowtorch?”

“You think a bit of fire’s going to scare me off?” Alex challenged. She leant back, gesturing to herself with relaxed emphasis. “Don’t forget, I shared a bathroom with an incredibly overpowered alien for years. Hell, I used to work for a super-secret government organisation that kept alien prisoners.” She placed her glass back onto the coffee table, folding her arms with a confident nod. “I’m pretty sure Kelly and I can handle a five-year-old super genius.” She winked. “And, if we can’t, we can always rely on Auntie Kara.”

Nia nearly snorted into her glass. She remembered a few choice stories from Auntie Kara revolving her valiant attempt at babysitting for Cat Grant’s son when she’d still been a PA. Something about him ending up on a train that had had a bomb strapped to it? Considering Nova already knew her Auntie Kara was Supergirl, the novelty of being saved from a near death experience would probably still hinge on traumatic, rather than invigorating.

Although, Nia had to admit, the idea of a break – however small – sounded pretty great right about now. She loved Nova with all of her heart, but having even just a few hours with Brainy to herself where she was actually conscious enough to enjoy them would have been amazing.

Still, she couldn’t help but picture Alex and Kelly struggling to figure out how to appease Nova’s more unique interests.

She smirked to herself, pressing her lips against the rim of her glass. “It’s your funeral,” she murmured.

Alex’s cheeks were already a little rosy from the wine and Nia knew she probably wasn’t faring much better. Still, before Alex could promise away any more of her free time, Nova’s door opened and, a moment later, out crept one very dishevelled looking Coluan.

Nia beamed from ear-to-ear. She stood, pausing when the world pitched a little around her. Wine drunk. There was no denying it, she was definitely wine drunk.

After carefully placing her glass on the coffee table, Nia made her way over to the bedroom door. She ran her hand down Brainy’s arm, squeezing gently. “Is she asleep?” she whispered.

Brainy’s expression was warm. He smiled softly, bowing his head. “I believe her excitement today tired her out more than she anticipated.”

Nia chuckled. That was the least surprising statement she’d heard all day. She turned towards the door, peeking inside. Nova’s nightlight was still on, enough to illuminate the profile of her round face snuggled against her pillow where she’d half cocooned herself in blankets only seconds after Brainy had no doubt tucked her in.

Her little mouth hung open slightly, silent breaths escaping her lips. Nia could spy the ears of her own childhood teddy bear poking out from beneath the blankets, hugged tightly to Nova’s chest.

Nia squeezed Brainy’s arm once more before sneaking into the room, summoning a swell of dream energy in her fist to keep from tripping over any mislaid toys or, more likely now she thought about it, machine parts.

Nia smiled; Brainy had promised to fix Kelex for Kara tomorrow. Despite his grievances towards the robot, he still felt guilty over the extent to which Nova had indulged her curiosities. They’d already sat her down to explain to her why what she had done wasn’t appropriate behaviour, and Nova had seemed to understand. Enough that she’d pouted when they’d told her she wouldn’t be able to go with Brainy to the Fortress to help fix Kelex in the morning. The last thing Nia wanted was for Nova to get her hands on the kinds of weapons Kara and Clark had hidden there. Nia had nearly blasted a hole through the wall on accident in controlled conditions when Brainy had been training her, she could only imagine what kind of destruction Nova could cause if she was set loose in there.

It was strange to think all of that had only been a few hours ago. Now, Nova slept peacefully, odd ends of blonde hair strewn across her face. 

Nia reached out, tucking those strands behind Nova’s ears. She perched herself on the edge of the bed, pressing a kiss against her daughter’s forehead. Nova scrunched her nose slightly before relaxing again, and Nia had to bite her lip hard to keep from making any sound.

She was perfect. Even with the chaos today had brought, Nia wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

“Sleep tight, Firestarter,” she murmured fondly.

When Nia returned to the doorway, she found Brainy waiting for her. She grinned, linking her hand with his. “Come with me,” she said, tugging him along towards the living room. “We have alien wine.” She raised her voice enough for Alex to hear. “And guess who just offered to babysit?” 

[yummysweetroll]

It’s not a date, ok?!

The Hamburger day was the most anticipated day of the month and used to fill the Vault 101 cafeteria. The older and  post - G.O.A.T teens attended at lunchtime, the younger ones after school in the late afternoon. But there was a window of time where it was possible to eat in peace ... Fifteen thirty.

This month, they said there would be some changes to the event. The Overseer had announced a sale: when buying two hamburgers, the big fries were half the price! That was a bargain! Anna was excited for the day, she loved fries and would be a good opportunity to go out with a friend and share snacks! But her enthusiasm was soon drained when she saw that no one was as excited as she was and they would not accompany her... Her father and Jonas started a new project in the reactor, Amata had started a new diet by cutting all kinds of snacks, Freddie Gomez had already gone with some of the Tunnels Snakes in the morning and Beatrice, well, as much as Anna liked her, today she wasn’t very patient to put up with the crazy stories.

Then, when the clock struck fifteen, Anna closed the small clinic she took care of in the afternoon and headed alone to the cafeteria. Her feet carried her automatically, since her mind was distracted by fiddling with her pip boy and thinking that she would probably save the extra hamburger for Jonas. At the entrance to the cafeteria, she already noticed said changes: Instead of asking Andy directly for the hamburger now she had to place an order with Tom Holden, who was outside of the cafeteria writing on a form and then just handed it over to Mister Handy. Good thing she had been thinking about the order all afternoon!

Anna: “Hello Tom, good afternoon! Can I order now? I want two cheeseburgers, a large fries and a Nuka-Cherry. Ple…

As Tom took the order, Anna felt an arm go over her shoulders and shed her weight, while modifying the order she had just placed.

Butch: “Change the order Holden. Okay, there will still be two cheeseburgers but one will be without salad and the other with salad. You already have the big fries, right? Then put on a Nuka-Dark and Cherry. Do you want anything else, Crybaby? ”

Just as Tom looked confused at Anna, she casted the same look at the last being in the vault that she would think of sharing a hamburger with.

Anna: "Deloria, wh ... What are you doing?" - freeing herself from the boy's arms-

Butch: “Me? Well, first, girls shouldn't eat that much. Second: You don't want to end up like Amata do you? Third: Coming to eat hamburgers alone is a loser thing ... So, I came to save you and do my good deed today. ” -For him it seemed very obvious, besides the factor of being able to get a free snack-

Anna scowled, hated how Butch managed to get her off the ground. And there was not a single day in her life when she had peace, since Butch was in almost each one of them.

Anna: ”Who do you think you are Butch, to speak of Amata like that ?! She is not fat, it’s just an eating disorder! She's already getting treated! ”

Butch: “blah, blah blah ... Don't give me your silly terms, Little nurse. I don't care. In the end, you two will end up fat and nobody will want you. Isn't it Holden ?! - Asked with disgust without waiting to receive the answer from the attendant-

Anna: “I AM A DOCTOR! I don't care what you think! And for your information, Brian invited me to the movie night on Friday night. ” -The girl replied with all the disdain that she managed to gather while she got the form and went inside the cafeteria-

Ok ... This information came quickly and the boy did not expect it. he didn't care it was another fight with her, but what about that invitation? This ended up leaving him a little shaken, he looked at the girl's back, blinking those bright blue eyes processing the situation. What do you mean that idiot would have a date with the most boring guy in the vault? And even on movie night. Everyone knows that movie night is for couples and ... Well, she couldn't do well with this discussion. As far as he remembered, Anna always went with Amata or at most with that idiot Freddie and he knew that nothing happened, right ?! But now it was different.

Butch: YOU'RE NOT FUCKING GOING OUT WITH THAT JERK, Nosebleed. ” - The boy shot through the cafeteria, his luck was that it was relatively empty. He tried to find a plausible answer, but it was difficult and for a few seconds he thought he was stupid for not being able to form a complete sentence - “I swear… Aren't you always going with Amata? because now with… What if… ”

Anna looked over her shoulder with a little smile as she saw an embarrassed Butch trying to prevent that encounter. Since he was a child, Butch proved to be very skilled in getting around some situations without losing his pose. He was great with lies and intimidation, in addition to looking like  he knew things when something interested him, but over time the girl began to notice the small signs that he showed when something got out of his control, such as when someone came into contact with delicate subjects: radroachs, anything about his mother Ellen and Anna's supposed romantic interests (Paul still has a part of his tooth broken because he gave her a valentine card), were treated with some kind of aggression. Over time she learned to deal with Butch's huge ego and in some situations, like today, she was able to have fun with all that. She liked to see him lose his badass pose. It made her feel a little nostalgia for when they were children and were really true to each other. While lost in his thoughts and pretending to hear what Butch said, Andy placed the dishes on the counter and thanked ...

Anna: “And what are you going to do, Butch ?! C'mon, stop talking and get the drinks. ” - Commanded the girl taking the plates and pushing him with her shoulders slightly followed by a little smile-

Butch still hasn't managed to say anything, but he did as he was told and joined the girl at the counter that faced the hall window. The two began to eat in silence and just watched people passing in the hall, casting curious looks, others of disapproval, but nothing more than what they were already used to.

Anna's hamburger was delicious, especially with the taste of the little victory over Butch ... And to improve Brian went down the hall and waved to Anna, who returned, making his table partner roll his eyes.

Butch: “Tell me Nosebleed. Are you really going out with that clown? ” -Asked in a calm tone, almost docile-

Anna: “Probably. I didn't get any better invitations for Friday anyway. ” Shrugging her shoulders while finishing wiping her mouth-

Butch just sniffed in response and pretended to be interested in his Nuka-dark. Anna looked at him out of the corner of her eye and while stealing a potato from the boy's plate, she continued the matter.

Anna: “But you know what? I think I will receive another invitation.” - Cleaning her fingers and taking a sip of the soda-

Butch took another sip of his soda and even though he didn't look at her, the girl noticed the blue eyes dancing while his mind was working to get the best responses of indifference to her. she continued smiling, nowadays it is so easy to decipher that boy.

Butch: “ You are too confident Nosebleed! Besides, if there is someone stupid enough to invite you, it is certainly a person who is not worth it ”

Anna: “Oh yeah ?! Because I think there is someone who is worth it and is super stupid enough for that. ” - She replied smiling, but this time facing him-

Their eyes met and Anna could see Butch's ear turn red. And just as he tried to maintain his pose, Anna tried to relieve the heat that her cheeks were emanating. Perhaps they both felt a hook pulling their belly buttons , perhaps those butterflies? What was it like to deal with them? Maybe it was better to  just be silent, because it happened again, just being broken by another little sniff from the boy followed by a shy and awkward smile.

Butch: "You are too confident..." - He repeated as he focused on sharing his part of the potatoes with her. Doing everything not to face her-

Anna: "Sure, sure... Popcorn is on me!" - replied the girl laughing, pushing a Butch again in embarrassment while serving herself the fries-

Did the message reach him? Or did she look very desperate? Will he take it seriously? It probably didn't matter so much at the moment ... They were too young for any of that kind of concern, moreover it was just a movie session on Friday and today was only the hamburger day...