#this quarantine is doing something to me

[sambambucky]

‘nothing is cooler’ plsss

HIIIII thanks for askin!<3

soooo because people enjoyed if there was more, i started poking at the big 'ol draft it came from again.. its a punk!bucky x jock!sam au with Princes of the School and Only Gays stevetony, where i continue my bad habit of being overly invested in all the side characters. its all cringey angst with a happy ending.

a snippet for you:

“People talk too much,” Sam hisses back. “I don't want to end the school year with people whispering shit about me.” “Steve and Tony seem fine?” Bucky tries, because, what else can he say? No one will talk? Neither of them are that stupid. Tony and Steve are a constant topic of conversation, but they do seem okay. Happy, even. It’s because they have each other, Bucky thinks, they came out together, and they’re stronger together.  He could have that with Sam. They could be more than just, whatever this is they’re doing.  That is, if Sam even likes him like that, if the way he looks at him means anything. Bucky thinks it does. The way Sam makes him feel, even when they’re not pressed up against each other in the dark, might be worth anything they’re thrown up against. “We’re not them, okay? I –” Sam answers, and there's something in his voice that he’s heard a hundred times by now, a warning Bucky was ignoring. “Just say you don’t like me,” Bucky interrupts, not meaning to raise his voice, but not really able to stop lower it once he has, “just be honest with me for once. I don’t need you to lecture me about how I don’t fit into your neat little life plan, alright? If you don’t like me, you don’t like me. Just say – ” “I don’t like you,” Sam snaps.  It stings like a slap to the face. But he’s quick to pull it together, voice even and steady when he continues. And doesn’t that just say everything? Sam is wholly unaffected by this, by him, by them.  “Is that what you want? Everything is so easy to you,” Sam continues. “Well it’s not, for me. I have to think about the big picture, I have to think about how everything looks. So, if that’s not good enough for you, it’s – I don’t like you. I don’t wanna be with you. “It’s all or nothing, right? Are you happy? That what you wanted?” “Yeah,” Bucky lies, but his voice breaks around the edges of it, and god he is so fucking done with this. So sick of trying and having his efforts amount to nothing. “Thanks.” He puts his back to Sam and walks away, willing his eyes to stay dry until he makes it around the next corner.

from the WIP game!

[rolanslide]

I think rottmnt has ruined me a little bit because it's beautifully animated and funny and well storyboarded and well written and astoundingly performed and depicts a flawed but unabashedly loving family of all boys and is surprisingly nuanced and it's a fucking ninja turtles show

[writterings]

yknow long covid is some bullshit. you're telling me i can't smell shit unless it's directly under my nose all because of a virus i had in 2019??? bullshit

[softquietsteadylove]

Thenamesh propsal AU

Thena needs her caffeine but in this house there is none. As a result she has terrible migraine!

"How is she?"

A loud groan sounded through the whole house in response. Gil winced as he walked in with a bag in hand.

He had completely forgotten that his mom didn't keep any caffeine or alcohol in the house. She wasn't one for it, Makkari simply didn't need any caffeine to be as brimming with energy as she was, and Sersi didn't drink unless it was socially. Kingo wasn't opposed to a coffee here or a beer there, but he considered visiting home like 'being on a cleanse', or whatever.

Thena needed caffeine.

She drank no less than four coffees a day in a regular work week. He was always telling her he was worried about her caffeine intake, but there was no arguing with the stubborn Goddess of War on that one.

It hadn't taken long for the lack of caffeine to cause an irreparable headache which shook her to her core.

Gil walked into the living room, where his very sweet family was being very useless at curing Thena's migraine. His friend - and fiance - was curled up in a ball on the couch, face pinched from the tension within her head. He whispered, "Thena?"

"Gil?" she whimpered back, not even moving at the sound of his voice.

Sersi handed him a cool cloth, freshly soaked and wrung dry, "none of the pain meds Mum has will help this. It's pure caffeine withdrawal."

"Did we try?" Gil couldn't help but ask, not that it didn't irk both his Doctor mother and his bio-chemist sister. He sighed, "sorry, just...I hate to see her like this."

Gil bypassed them, going right over to the ball of Thena and turning her over so he could put the cool cloth on her forehead. "Hey."

"Hey," she whispered back, just barely getting her eyes open to look at him. She looked even paler than normal. "You're back."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, lips pressed to her temple, unable to do much more for her. "I had to go out looking."

"It's okay," Thena turned over slightly with a smile, "Sersi and Makkari have taken wonderful care of me. And your poor mother is trying to find anything that will even simulate caffeine for me."

"Thena!"

"Quiet!" Gil glared towards the door to the living room, where Kingo was striding in without a care in the world. His arms tightened around her, "she's not feeling well, man!"

"Sorry, sorry," he chuckled much too light heartedly for Gil's taste. He swirled his hand in the air, "I made chai!"

Gil glared at his cousin--basically his brother. Chai was a strong enough blend of tea, and it probably would have just a enough caffeine to alleviate some of Thena's symptoms. "You had this the whole time and let her-?!"

"Come on, Gil," Kingo pouted at him, Thena still wrapped protectively in his thick arms. "I forgot I had it, okay? And anyway, I had the seed pods whole--I had to do actual work to make them ready for brewing."

Gil sighed a little more roughly, all but ignoring his loud cousin next to him, "whatever."

"I thought it might help," Kingo leaned blithely into Gil's personal space to get a peek at Thena. "I also suggested yoga to help clear her head, but all she wanted to do was lie around and wait for you."

Gil was already pulling Thena closer so he could carry her to the kitchen, "y'know, dude, I'd appreciate if you didn't do shirtless yoga with my fiance when I'm not around?"

"Who said it was shirtless?"

"I've never seen you do it with a shirt on," Gil shot back without hesitation. Kingo just snickered at his obvious annoyance (dick). Gil stood with Thena in his embrace, "I have something better."

"Something to put me out of my misery?"

"Something like that," he chuckled, kissing Thena's temple again just because he could. She was really funny, even if she didn't think so. "You know this is why I'm always on you about how much coffee you drink."

"Yes, yes," she managed to roll her eyes at him, although even doing that much seemed to reawaken her pain. She grimaced, "how long have you been waiting to bring that up?"

"Until I also had something to help."

"Gil, I--oh."

Ajak made room for them at the kitchen island so Gil could set Thena down in one of the plush bar seats.

"It's okay, mom, I found some," he sighed as he made sure Thena was settled. "Had to go all the way to that organic store where you fill up your own jars."

Damned retiree town and its hipster stores.

Thena forced her eyes open again, "what did you find?"

"Coffee."

Thena perked up like a dog offered a steak after being in the desert.

"I got the lightest roast they had," he held Thena's eyes, waving the jar of fresh grounds in his hand. She watched it, utterly entranced. "Just enough to keep the pain away, okay? This shit was still expensive, even as the cheapest stuff I could find."

Thena let out a faint laugh, in better spirits just at the promise of some relief. "Are you going to ween me off of it with this?"

Gil looked at her again as he set out the coffee grounds and french press he had to buy just to make coffee here. He could just tell her that he told her so and that this was probably for the best, to get her less dependant on caffeine to even function. But he sighed, "gently. I won't let you suffer if I can do anything to help."

Some colour returned to her cheeks, which was honestly more of a relief than anything.

"I'll make you just one cup to start, okay," he continued to speak softly, shaking out just enough grounds and then reaching for the kettle.

"Thank you, Gil."

He looked up, compelled by the gentle, almost musical tone in her voice. Some colour rose in his cheeks as well as he looked back down at his brewing, "anything."

"Hey."

Gil looked up once the grounds were starting to brew. Thena nodded him over to her, and he moved automatically, like a man possessed. Her knees made room for him and he had to stop himself from putting his hand on the other side of them reflexively.

Thena leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of his lips, just close enough to his cheek to be considered not actually 'kissing' him.

He blushed and his all his hair stood on end.

"You're a life saver," she said afterward, forcing a much lighter tone. She tucked some hair behind her ear and moved to watching the coffee brew. "Is it done yet?"

He had to laugh just a little. He gave above her knee - just at the hem of her skirt - a squeeze and moved away again, "will you just try having some patience?"

"You are not the one who has spent all morning with a jackhammer within your skull."

"If you took it even a little easy on the cold brew it probably wouldn't be so bad."

"I knew you were dying to tell me you told me so," Thena rolled her eyes.

Gil smiled; she didn't wince this time. He poured her cup, which really needed more time to brew than it had. Maybe he was just as impatient to cure her as she was. "Just put some shit in it to cover up the taste."

"Gladly," she sighed, although it was Gil who moved toward the fridge for said 'shit'.

They both completely forgot Ajak was still hovering at the edge of the kitchen.

[skitskatdacat63]

The double-edged sword of enjoying Chicago and knowing basically all the songs by heart, but also can't stop crying every time I watch/listen to any of them bcs I can't stop thinking about how covid robbed me of getting the experience of ever performing it :(

[fluxedbuds]

o boy new life series cant wait to Stop Watching As Soon As Someone Permadies

[skyburger]

count dooku on my mind couldnt even tell you why. star wars has such a vast and expansive canon why am i thinking about DOOKU. hes like not even that interesting hes just some old guy who died. i mean he like had some cool scenes but like? Its count dooku. its fucking count dooku. this is like if i was thinking about general grievous or something like who the fuck cares about him. im sure someone does but that burden should not be mine to bear... and yet? count dooku in my thoughts. not even like coherent things just like. i think hes funny

[bijouzen]

Its so crazy how just taking a little time away from social media in your routine can benefit it so hugely. I struggle a lot with having a healthy balance of time on social media vs like actually existing in my life and legit just from like not letting myself scroll on reels or whatever for a bit I feel so much more like, alive? conscious? Like ik thats a given but its still weird, like when your therapist says 'you should go on a walk' and you do and its weird that it actually does help a little. I feel so much more productive and energized and like time is moving slower but in a good way- All things that very much make sense given social media is the opposite of that but idk, its easy to forget

[toytulini]

blacklisted the jo/ker bc i cannot be normal about the joke/r. opens posts blacklisted for containing the jo/ker. close post without interacting bc i cannot be normal about the j/oker and i have to quarantinemy unhingedness which will not happen if i let myself interact with the post. i dont know what i expected

[deus-ex-mona]

keeping your thoughts to yourself is ✨hard✨ sometimes ngl

[pebblezone]

🫡🏳️‍⚧️

[iknaenmal]

The kids these days are still into Homestuck? Incredible but also how did this happen?

Apparently homestuck is not dead yet so. Yeah I just got in it with a chain reaction (? Idk of that makes sense

[okcoolthanks]

I’m afraid I drifted too far

[be-lie-versneverdie]

wheres my vaguely unhinged ass kitchen sink post from like four years ago

[thesmokinpossum]

Me: I have so many things to do with this new job and finals at the corner, this is all sooooo stressful 😩

Also me: Of course I'll come to the costumed beer pong tournament tomorrow, how could I miss something like that!

[boredymcbored]

Let's Vent

cause IDK if this will see the light of day but I'm upset.

You're sad. You're miserable. You're so easily fixable too. But only indulge in the sad huh?

Like my mess of a room. My weight gain (I'm surprised I'm not more upset at that for all the work I've done). Your loneliness. Cause you were lead on by a woman to join a friend group that you desperately needed (nefariously). Then were lead on again by a woman to join a friend group you desperately needed (genuine?). And you can't step away cause you're So Dang Likable! (TM) and you also love those people and need them cause you're so dang lonely.

Which is also your fault. Cause even after seeing two close friends in caskets, you can't get over your guilt of not being there the last couple of years for your HS friends and think it's best to remove yourself from their grace cause they're better off without you. Even though they keep saying they miss you.

And it's not just your highschool, but college friends too. You know of one person that always forgives your proclivities to self isolate and still be there but you can only text him sports ball shit. Still haven't told him when you'd call back btw. And yes he's your best friend the world has ever gifted you, but he's not yours. For that reason.

You can't even get solace from your incredibly worried mother cause she is quarantined from you because you actually decided not be be a recluse and hang out with friends. But they tested positive for covid. Now you're cut off from the person that can smell your sadness from miles away cause you can't even socialize with friends right before leading you to more isolation. At least you dodge her looks of pity and concern a few days, huh?

And now you beg for a sports ball team you like to be playing a game so that you can dissociate with the parasocial environment of twitter and reddit to FEEL at least somewhat fulfilled in the social department right? But it's social junk food and you know it. The artificial connections that you formed are not meaningful and you can act like it adds validity to some type of work that you've done in the past cause PREVIOUSLY people noticed it but now you don't have much of an aura of notability now do ya? Probably cause you're not on TV and only seem to be doing the same couple jobs with no career growth.

Not that you even want that growth do you? Cause you could be applying but are letting something that potentially ruined your ability to smoothly get hired or just traverse through the world weigh on you. And TBF the weight of that will now stick with you. That INCREDIBLY stupid thing that was non consequential has been a dark cloud over you for 3 years and won't go away cause of forces out of your control. ONE thing you can't control in this vent.

But you can control how fucking sad you get when you don't answer work questions right away and your mind starts to replay the words you've found hard to push out your mind "You can never do shit. You don't do shit". That woman that was supposed to support you, that you went through hell and shame to earn, told you that shit after you gave up so much of your self to help her, while you were fucking spiraling. And she broke you, didn't she? All the confidence that you were just starting to rebuild brick by brick was once again laid askew. You still haven't built it back either. From doing the world to barely being functional, that shit broke you in ways that you still are struggling with today. Guess you don't do shit after all.

My brain isn't rational rn. It'll say things that aren't all the way true or are heavily influenced by my loneliness, my anxieties, my fears and general unhappiness that I have rn in life. It's bringing up all my childhood traumas and insecurities to front and center stage and I just ... And it's no one else's fault that I'm feeling this way. But I feel neglected. And scared. of what i'd do. And my rationality. It's stopping me from being dramatic. Like right now I'm screaming to myself BITCH STOPPPP being so dramatic. And knowing my goofy ass, even with all my tears and fears, I smile as I write this..

But I know it's coping. It's self soothing. It's just me playing survivor man. Les Stroud at your service. Spending 7 days in the deep Andrea mindfuck wilderness. Scary, I know.

Cause the instinct to call for friends. Or call for help. Has taken over by the big bad that is my mind. And it's winning. And eating my life away. By doom scrolling. Making content and never releasing it. Having ideas and never doing it. Good ideas too man. So much creativity. And a gift. Ruined by a brain hungry to dim the light I'm holding on for dear life.

This is not a cry for help. I've been a lot more sad. A lot more crazy. Nothing is like being in the bathroom of my dorm after continuous isolation and identity issues, just trying to rip myself out of my body and away from the negative voices that were screaming at me to hurt myself. Everything was so grey then.

I still see color. I can find joy in the media I consume, despite the immense guilt I feel afterwards for not doing much else but that. Steph Curry is playing well? That makes me happy. I streamed. That was pleasant as well.

I feel like a waste of space but there's SOME rational part of me that reads all of what I wrote and KNOWS it's a lie. And I pray that I never lose that voice cause it's a DAMN good voice. I know I am the reason for most of these things, but not even in a bad way. In a way I can fix if I work on myself, one step at a time.

I just need hope to pull that out. And idk where to find it. I'll have to be the one to pull it, I know. I just need.. I don't know. But I need. And I feel pathetic for being so needy. And wanting. And being so unstable. But I NEED. And I don't know where I've gonna get my need from..

I just hope I find it soon.