#this song is filling me with so much energy i need to go somewhere and YELLLLLLLL

[goldensunset]

will stetson aishite aishite aishite rock cover dropped this morning and i

[iznsfw]

Day-Off

Kep1er's Shen Xiaoting x Male Reader x Male Friend Smut

10,884 words

Categories | masturbation, handjob, blowjob, facefucking, cunnilingus, anal, spitroast, thighfucking, slapping

Masterlist | Mobile Masterlist | Commission me!

First commission! :D Thanks for funding my siblings' allowances and my search for a new laptop. I'm not even being sarcastic; your tips and commissions help me out a lot. Work can be cruel.

Okay, to begin with: one could say Xiaoting’s a little pent up. Just a little is what she'd like to say, for the sake of everyone around her, but with the way things are going, she might as well be flat-out enraged. Fucking unhinged, if you will. She’s a nudge away from screaming and wrecking everything everywhere all at once, all over the place. 

The problem? Well, it's not an easy answer. But this is the short one: it's not at all fun being kept in the company building to practice more even after they've replayed the comeback song more times than she can count on her fingers. There's a one, a two, and a one, two, three—

Cue the music! 

(Yeah, that wasn't a particularly short answer.)

"So, I was thinking…" hums Yujin, sedentary beside her and with a head on her shoulder. 

Every bone in Xiaoting’s body is on fire after the rehearsals. But: "What is it?" 

See, it's been a rough day, but not too rough that she's going to take it all out on her best friend. No matter what happens, she is and always will remain an angel to Yujin. Nothing more, nothing less. They're practically sisters with how much time they've spent together. She guesses she should return the favor of friendship in her own little way.

Here's how it is with her and Yujin as of present: they're in the practice room, and it's quiet. The rest of the group have emptied the place out and the two of them are alone. This is usually the time Xiaoting and she catch up with each other; there isn't much time to do that in between packed schedules, but since then she’s formed quite a friendship with her bandmate, and she’s determined to keep it strong.

Yujin taps her chin cutely. "Are the CCTVs' audio on?"

Xiaoting raises a brow. A smile, however, settles for the first time on her face. "Choi Yujin," she says, both seriously and kiddingly, "what the hell are you planning now?"

"Language.”

“The girls—"

"—aren't here," Yujin fills the blanks in for her with her signature eye smile. "Exactly, thank you for bringing that up. They can't join us when we go there."

She blinks, not catching on. "Go where?" 

The older girl pushes two index fingers together. "I may or may not have negotiated with the manager," she says slyly, "and we may or may not have a day-off tomorrow."

Genuine and grateful shock filters into Xiaoting’s Bambi-wide eyes. The sides of her mouth twitch, and she realizes it’s a smile. It takes news like this to bring out a big, giddy one from her. It's the right news at the perfect time.

(No, it can't be merely called news—it's a blessing. The universe is finally kind to her. Maybe it doesn't deserve the endless curses she's thrown at it after rough days, when it's chosen to bear the weight of the sky on her.

Xiaoting, however, is fantastic at holding grudges.)

"You're kidding!" says Xiaoting happily. Her hands grip Yujin's shoulders, and now she's got the girl swaying to and fro driven by her own excitement. Force is something she doesn't relent, so Yujin's forced to bear the calamity of her happiness with the repeated rocking. “Yujin unnie, oh my god, you’re the best!”

"Calm down!" she chides with a giggle, but the girl's energy only goes up.

"We've got to go somewhere! Somewhere fancy, Yujin unnie, somewhere like a… a…"

What could be the perfect place to go for a day-off? The two of them have already gone to a massage therapist, as well as blown money on massive shopping sprees. That film screening’s crossed out, too. Now, with all of those boxes checked, they need a new one to add to the list. 

"A hot spring," Yujin declares rather than suggests, a cheeky grin on her face. Seems like she’s been scheming about a day-off for more than a while. "We're going to, like, a super private hot spring. It’s really exclusive, so even if people recognize us, we’ll be fine. Privacy is one of the reasons why it’s got five stars on Google reviews.”

Xiaoting leans back into the mirror and thinks about it. A private hot spring? No need to think if people would see her or not? It sounds too good to be true. She loves being an idol despite the schedules and cramped day-offs, but it definitely won’t hurt to be able to be herself where it won’t matter. It would drain the stress from her life even for just a little while.

Who knows? She might even make some new friends.

“I’m in!” 

-

Well, someone isn't, but that's how the story goes.

-

“Isn’t this kind of like nepotism?”

The creases on your clothes don’t smooth out by themselves. You guess you shouldn’t have procrastinated ironing them, especially now that you’re bringing them along for a trip. Look over at your friend's luggage and see that his clothes aren’t that perfect either, which comforts a much more unprioritized concern.

“Dude,” he sighs as he folds his clothes into organized (or at least, as organized as they can be) places inside his luggage bag, “do you even know what nepotism means?”

He got you. You make a sigh of your own, too; your main concern being the whole vacation thing is rather odd. It really shouldn’t be when it’s a promise of a good time, food served limitlessly, and the waves always there to crash on a tired soul, but it still sets you off.

What could be the reason for your gut feeling? You haven’t been able to figure out why. All you know is that if Lee weren’t your friend, you’d have refused to go. You would have fought not to go, but your circumstances are different, hence the clothes scattered along the carpeted floor of his room and the unzipped luggage carry-ons.

Your belongings sit side by side in your bag. Your earphones are tangled strings and your clothes are wrinkled; they don’t want to go either, apparently. They all yearn for home, just like you are, even if you’re just in the packing stage of the trip. 

Maybe they’ve got little introverted souls of their own.

“No,” you admit. Your back slumps. “It just… it just doesn’t seem fair, y'know."

“Who cares?” Lee says, in his usual, laid-back manner. It’s the thing that made the two of you close friends in the first place, but right now, it’s interfering with helping him understand your situation. Pity. “Lin works there, so it isn’t exactly a privilege. He works his ass off, and since he’s been a long-time employee, we get to stay there for free. Isn’t it neat?”

Lee looks at you with an expression that prods you to agree, but you don’t budge. It’s kind of funny how you refuse to enjoy a free connections-caused vacation when your morals are already fucked up as is, but when you believe in something, you don’t really back down easily.

Is that a good trait? Not exactly; it has its fair share of bad days.

“What about people who lose a booking spot because of us?” 

“Fuck them, man,” Lee says nonchalantly, waving a hand in the air. “I’m going to have fun, and nothing can ruin that for me.”

How you’re friends with someone who’s your complete opposite, you’ve no idea. But you like Lee—he’s been there for you when no one wanted to be, and you owe more to him than an agreement to a vacation. If that’s the case, why couldn’t you just go?

You say nothing. You don’t know what else to say anyway. Any more words from you might dig a deeper hole than you’ve already dug, so you choose to be silent. Sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut than explain yourself. 

“Hey,” he suddenly says, a softer melody to his tone now. “I’m sorry. I know you’re not too happy about going out, so if you want to back out, it’s totally fine with me. No hard feelings.”

You know he’s just trying to be kind, as anyone would, but his words tell you anything but not to go. Thing is, you don’t like being a burden on his back. On anyone’s back for that matter. Maybe it’s time to dip your toes out of your comfort zone and just dive headfirst into doing it. The whole thing would be over sooner than you’d think.

"I guess I'm in," you say. No going back now. 

"I fucking love you, man!" Lee cheers, throwing his arms around you. 

You have to admit you're smiling. Stifle it, but the creases of happiness get your cheeks unable to form a disguise. Decide not to hide it anymore (because who the fuck are you kidding anyway?) and return to packing.

In a slightly better mood, you fold one graphic shirt over the other, and ask, "What's the hype about the place anyway?"

"Well," Lee explains, "it's a hot spring. It's where celebrities, idols—all the hot people, basically—go for a vacay."

"Does that make us hot people then?" you wonder out loud. It's worth the question.

"You are a good-looking dude. I'd definitely tap that."

"Thanks." An embarrassingly lengthy beat. "Wait, what—"

"They pay really good, too," Lee goes on as if nothing happened. "That's why Lin likes working there. It has unlimited portions of dinner and a big buffet at night. The water's really warm, too, so you're not gonna shiver when you get in."

"Ah. Well,” shrug matter-of-factly, “it is a hot spring."

He smirks. "You don't get it, do you? The water there is perfect for external detoxifying. That's where Nayeon goes to get perfect skin."

There he goes again. Lee’s the type of person to be too in the know of every piece of celebrity gossip out there. That quality of his goes up when it’s about his favorite idol, Im Nayeon. 

"You're too in love with her," you scoff.

"We have a connection, is all."

"A parasocial one at that."

"One more word out of you," Lee says, voice full of warning, "and you're banned from my house and the hot spring."

You chuckle. Lee's quite sensitive when it comes to Nayeon. You wonder if there would be a point in your life wherein you'd obsess over an idol, too, just like he is. Perhaps a few months from now? 

(A day from now?)

"Oh, come on," you protest. Zip up your bag and shove it over to Lee. "It's not my fault you genuinely believe Nayeon's your girlfriend!"

"I don't, what the fuck."

"Then why do you want to go to the hot spring so badly? Think you can meet her there?" Put on a mocking voice. "Think you can marry her and have seven children with her?"

Lee glowers and gives you the finger. Gives you the finger on the other hand, too. Shoves the two raised middles into your face. "Fuck you, man."

Your heart feels lighter after teasing him. It just so happened that all it takes for you to agree is the classic ol' nagging. God knows you're good at that.

-

Your mind changed, see? It’s all going according to plan—you and Xiaoting have to meet somehow.

-

Xiaoting's happy that they're going to use the trailer. She knows it might attract attention, considering that a photo of her girl group is literally painted on the outer walls of the vehicle, but if the world sees fit, maybe people would assume it's a normal trailer with a fan-funded ad. 

Besides, it's better than her manager's tight old car. 

"We've got this place all to ourselves," Yujin says in her usual cheerful voice. She’s opted to go donning a lavender set of pajamas. Xiaoting chooses to wear a denim skirt and a t-shirt. "Which seat will it be, Ting?"

She scans the place. There are aisles and aisles of empty seats, all mantled with transparent plastic. There's a bathroom in the far end (essential after they eat some nice burgers on the road) and a television mounted at the very front of the trailer (gotta know what happens in the next episode of Running Man, after all).

Ultimately, they choose to sit near the doors. She suggests that they each occupy two seats opposite each other for comfort. Her friend agrees, thinking nothing of it. They both settle into their seats with pillows pressed to the trailer walls and the night sky watching their trip.

Would it watch if she decided to look at porn right now? Would the stars lose their shine after seeing the kinks she’s particularly into?

Oh, she knows it's risky, but she's got her headphones with her, hanging 'round her neck like an accessory. Yujin and the driver won't be disturbed that way. And she’s got mobile data, too. If they ever check the Wi-Fi router history, they’d know nothing about her secrets. At least, she doesn't think so.

She bites her lip. Yujin's still awake, so she has to hold out for a few more minutes.

"Isn't it nice getting to go out once in a while?" Yujin asks. She sighs dreamily as she looks out at the passing roads. The moon gleams in the reflection in her eyes. "It’s been a while since we went on a road trip. Not that fun when cameras are around."

Xiaoting's thighs squirm together. She's too horny for small talk with her. Her hands and eyes remain locked on her phone, where a video of a woman with spread legs between two anonymous men waits. She wants to watch it already, to imagine that it’s her body they’re using. She wants to sink her fingers deep in her own cunt and fuck herself into a quiet yet violent orgasm. She needs it more than she could say, but Yujin’s still there, waiting for a response.

“Ting-ah,” Yujin calls out, looking at her with eyes full of expectation. She’s confused; Xiaoting is quiet, but not so much that her responses are nonexistent. Something must be wrong. “You okay?”

“Y-yeah.” Does she dare…? Xiaoting hopes the dark night covers her hand, which edges down to her covered core. She bites her lip to muffle the moany sound of her breath catching on a hook. “We deserve this. Let’s hope the girls aren’t jealous.”

“They’re going to stay at Disneyland,” replies the leader. “If anything, we’re the ones who should be jealous.”

Xiaoting finds her clit and rubs at it softly with the tip of her finger. Her thighs instinctually lock her wrist in place. The heat gathers at her bundle of nerves and spreads to the rest of her body. She’s too turned on, and the thought of Yujin or the driver finding out that she’s touching herself both frightens and excites her. At times, her wrist stops its choreographed motions, hesitance riddling its veins, but goes against it with a pace even she can’t keep up with.

“Xiaoting? Earth to Shen Xiaoting?”

“Ah,” she responds, but it’s more induced by her fingers drawing number 8s on her nub rather than an apologetic answer. Xiaoting’s cheeks and ears turn red. “Yeah, Disneyland. They’re younger anyway, so I’d guess they’d like… that.”

Yujin peers at her closely. Her eyes squint but fail to catch on to her groupmate’s hand which now starts to fuck her fingers into her tight hole. “Are you okay?” 

Xiaoting is more than okay. She’s blissful, and she’s not using the term loosely, mind you; her wetness practically floods her panties. They slicken the pads of her fingers and drive them through deeper places in her needy cunt. No matter how hard she tries to relax in order for her fingers to intrude her hole more, she still desperately clenches down. It’s humiliating how hard and sensitive her nipples have become even without them being directly touched.

Her hips sway in what she prays is a subtle dance. She looks out the window and nods. She’s a little afraid to speak. What if her words end up becoming garbled moans? Would it matter if they do? How high is the possibility of her saying something like please please let me touch myself, I’ll be a good girl, don’t make me stop I’ve been so good?

Yujin eventually lets the matter rest and melts into sleepful rest herself. It’s either she has an idea of what Xiaoting is doing and doesn’t care enough to pry, or has no idea at all and decides to leave it be for both of their sakes. Her head leans on the window pane where her sleep-ridden eyelids reflect.

Once Xiaoting ensures that her eyes are completely shut, she connects her headphones to her phone. Her mind’s so addled by lust that the clicking of buttons necessary to wire the sound matches the speed of light. She hits the play button, waiting eagerly for the video with the hand between her legs.

One of the men teases the woman’s tiny slit with his cock, making the actress toss her head back and bite her lip. Xiaoting’s mouth waters at how big the rod is, and suddenly it’s not lust much anymore but wishfulness. She wants to be fucked as good as she could be, and it can’t easily be solved with watching pornography. For now, though, she settles with teasing her clit with the same rhythm one of the male pornstars is performing on the passive woman.

Her heart aches with want. As she watches him penetrate her while his partner fucks her mouth, she teases herself. Her breaths break through her nostrils while her fingers rub up and down between her drenched folds. She dips her middle digit inside her clenched hole, and she has to gather her strength not to moan unabashedly right then and there. The power of imagination reaches beyond excellence, and right now she’s imagining that she’s in the same position as the porn actress: having both her upper and downer lips fucked at the same time.

“Fuck,” she whispers. It’s a thin little word, barely creating any sound, but she still looks at Yujin out of paranoia. Upon finding that she remains asleep, she continues fucking herself. The sides of her fingers clash with her velvety walls to rub and stimulate them. Her wrist bumps her clit, increasing the pleasure of the experience.

Her pussy’s closed tightly around her fingers, as if telling them to go on or they’ll be trapped here doing it forever. Soon, she has to lift her hips too to mash them with her hand. Xiaoting’s filling herself over and over again, and her risque little self-love session is amplified with the dirtiest of thoughts. She thinks how badly she wants to be used, to be treated like the good girl she’s willing to ditch her whole persona to be. She ponders on how good it would feel if her holes were to be filled with cock and fingers and cum, and the way it would never stop even after she’s spent. She guarantees that’s the part that makes her excited the most.

Soon, she’s lost in her own dream. This isn’t exactly a dream slumber would stumble across, but it’s perfect—it’s an imaginary land where she’s given what she wants. What she wants just so happens to be fucked. That’s how simple it is. She’d appreciate nothing more than to have her body rubbed and touched, to have her holes spread to their limits and taken in a way that’s almost inconsiderate. 

It's a fantasy she has, in fact, of being screwed by two people at once. She’s read the explicit fictional stories horny fans on the internet write about her, but she’s chosen to enjoy them rather than report them to her agency. They get some parts right: she wants to be fucked, she’s constantly on edge, and would love to have her sexual dreams fulfilled. The problem here is that there’s no one to make them come true for her; she has to stick with overused words in old fanfiction site posts and her fingers.

The two men’s symphony of moas draw wetter strings of lubrication from her cunt. It’s as if the video were an actual critically acclaimed movie with how much she’s hooked onto it. She imagines the best she could that it’s her ass that fat cock is going into, her mouth that’s being ruined, her clit that’s being rubbed. She wants it all more than anything.

“Please,” she says. Her legs cross and her voice strains to be allowed to scream. “Fuck me, use me, pound me… ‘lmost there…”

Xiaoting shuts her eyes and lets the sounds get to her: the clashing of skin, the wet squelching sounds that are either coming from her pussy or the pornstar’s, the male and female moans alike. She pumps faster, and she’s chasing her high like a starved hunter for prey. She’s chasing after it, grasping it—

“Cumming!”

The shock settles in before she squirts all over the seat. The worst thing is that she’s not able to stop the stream of girl cum coming from her pussy despite her hand halting its movements. She can’t take back her words either. Someone definitely heard that.

“Ting-ah,” says a drowsy Yujin. She lifts her head off the window and squints through blurred vision to try and make out what happened. “Did someone say anything?”

“Yes… ah, no.” Xiaoting thanks goodness that her voice isn’t brittle anymore. “I think I just, uh, spilled my water.”

“Oh. Want me to help you clean it up?”

“It’s, it’s fine,” Xiaoting declines politely and waves her off. 

(Fuck, she wasn’t supposed to dismiss her with that hand! Luckily, she explained the reason for the wetness just now. She just hopes the atmosphere doesn’t stink of fluids and cum.)

Still, long after the girl drifts off to sleep again, Xiaoting discovers that it isn’t enough. She could have the most head-numbing orgasms known to woman, but they still won’t feel as good when they’re not drawn out of her by someone else. 

So, what should she do?

-

Planes are the closest thing to the Devil incarnate. Whose idea was it to throw people into the sky where they could disappear with the wrong turn? It’s bad enough on the ground, but when you’re talking about being in the sky where the weather can pull you down without effort, the danger makes your skin crawl more.

So, when Lee told you that he booked two seats on a plane to get to the infamous hot spring, (the time of the explanation conveniently being when you were already miles from home in the goddamned car), you freaked out. That’s the lightest way you can put it.

“What the fuck do you mean we’re getting on a plane?” you ask, trying to keep your voice at a level wherein the taxi driver won’t hear your toddler-like complaints.

“Are you serious?” your friend fires back, although his title as a friend would have withered instantly if not for your genuine admiration for the guy. “It’s in Seoul, what did you expect us to do? Walk like twenty-thousand miles to get there?”

You let out a little hoarse laugh and clap your hands together sarcastically. Taking theater in high school has seriously influenced your ways. “You know I hate heights, Lee! Oh, and what a great argument you have there: using that White Chicks song to defend yourself. Really mature.”

“That’s A Thousand Miles, you moron!” Lee punches your shoulder. “I already booked a flight, so you either go through or go home. Deal with it.”

You’d have chosen the latter, but you really don’t want to drag your heavy bags home. The roads have been crossed and the wheels have rolled—you can’t back out now. It would break the whole puzzle from the first jigsaw piece to the last. 

Besides, you did tell yourself that it was time to step out of your comfort zone. It would take blocking out flashbacks of when the plane made an emergency landing back when you were four years old and on a family trip, but no one promised that it would be easy. 

The driver flashes the two of you dirty looks. You and Lee immediately take the hint to calm down and save the conversation for later.

Entering the airport and discovering that the drop-off place is underground reminds you of the second closest thing to the Devil incarnate: the cursed invention that is the elevator. 

Choose any elevator out there: an office elevator, a Barbie dreamhouse rope-controlled one, or the other unholy name they take up which is “lift.” Whatever and wherever doesn’t matter. You hate all of them equally, the contempt in your heart going out for each one that exists. It doesn’t matter which form they transform into. You will always hate them with every piece of your soul.

It just turns out that perhaps your overly paranoid gut feelings were right this time, for today, you experience the worst of not one, but two hells of your worst fears.

“You know,” say out loud as you suspiciously examine every cramped corner of the elevator, “I have to start saying no sometimes. I don’t need this, man.”

Lee scoffs. “You say ‘no’ all the time.” He tracks the numbers going up on the little screen above the elevator buttons. “You should actually start doing the opposite.”

Once again, guilt runs through your blood like a drug. It definitely won’t be a recreational one; you realize through it that all your life, you’ve sheltered yourself in a bubble where no discomfort could ever pop in and welcome itself into your home. It’s carried on into adulthood and, like that of an irritating intrusive thought, won’t leave. It’s a painful discovery, and you don’t want to think about it more.

The elevator seems to shrink around you. You can only think of how there would be the plane to not look forward to as well, and you feel even sicker.

One step at a time, buddy. One step at a time.

The gray doors part and welcome you to a floor of marble, promotional tarpaulins that hang from the high ceiling, and lots of people. You release a breath of relief.

“Look, I’m sorry, man,” says Lee. He rolls his luggage out of the claustrophobia-causing nightmare and shrugs. 

It’s his second apology of the day. He tries to play it off with small smiles, but he’s obviously down. He’s never forced you to do stuff you weren’t comfortable with until now, and because of that, it’s ruining the trip. You’re ruining the trip. It hasn’t even fully begun yet.

“You don’t have to say that all the time, you know.” 

“I know, but I…” He shakes his head. “I just want to have a nice vacation with my closest friend. I’m sorry if I keep pushing your limits—”

“My limits are anything that make me feel, like, even the slightest bit uncomfy,” you inform him with a small, lighthearted grin. “Don’t feel bad about it. You’re still a dick, though.”

“And you still don’t know what A Thousand Miles is.”

Scoff and walk faster. You and Lee meet each other’s gazes along the way and grin. It’s how you know everything’s going to work out.

Your wristwatch says that it's nearly one a.m.. Explains why your eyelids are heavy, but you keep going. If you persevere, the inevitable sleep on the flight would distract you from everything. Make your world lighter for just a few hours. Jetlag’'ll come around, though, but fending off flight anxiety is your main concern now. 

Climbing into the plane, you find your seats. Lee calls dibs on the window seat, which you have no problem giving to him. The light clouds in the dark sky and the shining city lights beneath them all may look photogenic, but it's a far cry from fascinating to you. It's a nightmare, a complete opposite from beautiful.

"Soda or coffee?" asks the flight attendant. She's pretty—she looks like she could be the Nation's Sweetheart with her youthful face and timid yet polite smile. 

(Wait…)

You don't drink either of them anyway. Soda's too carbonated, and coffee would just keep you awake. That’s the last thing you need to be. "Water, please."

"Boring," Lee says. He turns to the flight attendant. "I'll take both, if you please."

"Seat 1112, am I correct?"

"Sure are." He leans back onto the armrest and smiles.

You roll your eyes at Lee practically making heart eyes at the flight attendant. He's trying to look all cool, too. Shake your head as you drink from the water bottle the woman gave you.

"I apologize, sir, but your payment doesn't cover two drinks. May I offer you water instead?"

Water streams out of your nose. Laughs shake your chest and shoulders. The poor old lady over at the front rows looks at you curiously. A man's stifling his laughs while Lee tries to debate which party should be more embarrassed: him or you.

A fair tie?

“That was so not cool, man,” Lee grumbles. He lifts the cup full of mineral water to his lips and drinks it halfheartedly. 

“Hey, not my fault you only think with your dick.”

“Whatever. Fine.” He looks at the attendant serving other people again. “She kinda looks like IU, doesn’t she?”

You tilt your head. He could be right; you might have caught a glimpse of a camera around the corner. Maybe she was doing a variety show role? And with that face looking strikingly identical with Korea’s household name, there’s a chance that his attempt to pick the Lee Jieun up was just broadcasted on live television. 

Wipe your mouth. “You like IU, too, don’t you?” you ask.

Lee shrugs. “Her surname isn’t for nothing, ain’t it? She’s like my number two after Nayeon.”

“And you realize that you’re probably gonna get eaten up by her fans on Pannchoa if she’s really IU?”

“Yep,” your friend says with a nonchalant tilt of his head. “Who cares? Anybody in Korea would die to have IU in his life, or at least, someone who looks like her.”

You have a feeling that it foretells something that would change the trajectory of your lives forever. How and why, you don’t know. You guess you’ll just have to survive the flight to find out.

It takes a long time to get you to find out. The whole ride is a headache. Turbulence knocks the plane side to side, and you’re constantly bumped awake from your sleep. You’re thankful that you didn’t choose to get risky and choose the window seat. If you did, you’d have multiple fears of suddenly falling from the sky and into an ocean called the Middle of Nowhere. You try to get Lee to pull the small blinds of the window down to soothe your fears, but he’s too fascinated by how the clouds wisp and wane over the wings of the plane. He did give in to letting you use his blanket, though, so you decide that it’s okay.

Landing is a different story. Your palms feel numb after holding onto the armrests for so long. They lose color, stiffening upon the solid coping mechanism and persevering the best they can. While the others, especially the older men, clap politely after the plane meets earth again, you sit there breathless. 

“Wasn’t so bad now, was it?” Lee asks. He’s clapping, too, earning the approval of an old American guy to his right. 

Glower. “Fuck you."

-

You have to admit: it is quite a nice place. You'd say that to Lee, but you're still in a bad mood after the flight. 

The hot spring lifts your spirits anyway. Small well-furnished buildings reserved for the esteemed guests (a.k.a you and Lee) stand to the side while the hot spring pools are modestly curtained. Tangled lights pepper the poles, making Christmas come early. The night pairs up with it to make shadows on the grass. 

You feel like a rich man. Rich men aren’t exactly all that honest, but you’re truthful when you say that perhaps it was a good idea to join Lee on the trip.

"Now remember," Lee tells you, dressed in a pair of swimshorts like you, "the expensive places like this one separate the women from the men. So you gotta be careful."

"Sounds like my old Sunday school." Translation: easy to follow.

Sunday school also taught that greed isn’t good. That’s one thing you can’t reject because you crave for more of this place. The clear, chlorine water seeping into the grass from the brim of the pool and the large buffet set out on a long table before the hot springs all draw you closer to more than one of the seven deadly sins. You want more of this rare luxury even if you’ll bite off more than you can chew.

At least you have Lee as your partner on the highway to hell.

"All I'm saying is," he pulls back the curtain of one of the pools and gestures a welcoming hand, "be mindful 'cause—"

"Hey, what the fuck!"

You almost jump out of your flip-flops. Look around to see who screamed, then realize you have nowhere to look but forward. 

There lies (swims?) your answer: a young, red-haired woman is in the warm water, glaring as she covers up her body. There's not much to cover when her exposed tight midriff already has ample show space below the bikini, but the shock in her eyes shows that there's more to this than modesty. She was doing something she never intended to be seen.

Looks like your friend didn't live up to his words about carefulness. He just invaded the women's pool. And now you're pulled into the mess and could be fined for this and that. You're already broke enough as is, so the irritableness inside you grows again.

"Oh my god," Lee says. He looks curious despite the shock on his face. Seeing this girl is like deja vu—he swears on his life he’s seen her before.  "I'm so sorry. W-we, we didn't…we're sorry, miss—"

"It’s Xiaoting," the girl says. "Be careful, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

Her name rings a bell, but it’s only a light sound. You swear you’ve heard of her somewhere—that face belongs on magazines, and with the hot spring being the go-to for celebrities, there’s a big chance she’s a famous name. 

Lee swallows. He sees it, too. "Is it the wrong time to say that you look just like IU?"

"Don't flatter me," Xiaoting says, though the venom in her words is suddenly stranded. Those red cheeks can't be induced by the fancy lights. "You can't just disturb a girl with her me time. Fucking leave."

Me time?

Slowly, all the pieces fall into place. You realize that the shock Xiaoting showed isn’t because of the pool regulations and restrictions about the guests, but because she’s doing something far more bold. Now you understand why her fingers, still covering her top, are wrinkled even when the red locks of her head aren’t wet.

“Oh, who am I kidding?” Xiaoting rolls her eyes. “I’ve been dying to get fucked all day.” 

“What?” you ask, your voice ridden with confusion from the sudden realization.

She eyes your stomachs, quads, and faces. Her big eyes are cameras—they sweep down your body and Lee’s own with accurate focus. You suddenly feel like shrinking into a small creature just to escape the power of her stare. In one way or another, she still brings her intimidating idol persona outside of the stage.

She drops her arms from her neck and shows off the whole of her body. It’s slim yet toned, gathering the most power in her midriff lined with light abs and her thighs that look delicious even when submerged in water. The black top and bottoms hug her figure so well it’s starting to look as if she had them personally handmade and tailored to look fantastic on her. 

“And those cocks,” she continues, looking at your crotches with a lick of her lips, “look perfect. Big enough to give my insides a good rearranging, you know?”

You and Lee look at each other, then back at Xiaoting. None of you expected that, even from a woman whom you assumed just masturbated in the pool. And whose name starts to sound more and more familiar.

"Are you…" you dare to ask.

"Shen Xiaoting," she replies. She's slowly stepping out of the pool. You'd die to be the water caressing her thighs. "You know Kep1er, don't you?"

Lee nods dumbly. 

She smiles. "I thought so. I knew you'd recognize me after you said I looked like IU."

"For what it's worth," your friend says, stumbling on his words, "I like IU. A lot. I got to know you when, uh, fans on Twitter said you looked like her."

"Would you fuck me like you want to fuck her?"

Now he has no words to stumble on. "I… uh…"

"Your friend doesn’t look too sure,” Xiaoting says after she turns to you. Resting her head on one side, she adds, charmingly: “How about we show him the real deal? Make him give in?”

You can’t believe what she’s saying. It’s both too good and too bad to be true. The first factor to this that’s a pro and a con is that she’s an idol. Didn’t she just say that she’s from Kep1er? If one of the hot spring staff couldn’t keep their mouth shut, a scandal would spread on news sites and social media alike that Kep1er’s visual and main dancer just fucked a random guy. Two random guys if this escalates. 

You can’t give in.

Xiaoting massages your shoulders.

You won’t give in.

And she runs her fingers along your chest and down to the band of your swimshorts. She pulls it down.

You shan’t give in.

Afterwards. she fishes your cock out from your gray underwear. You’re hard. She’s smiling.

You’ll never give in.

She pumps it. Her hand is as soft as it looks. The added texture from the wrinkles stimulates you more in a way that’s so fucked up it shouldn’t be allowed to happen. You bite your lip to break the moan that nearly escaped your lips.

Xiaoting drops to her knees.

You give your all.

Xiaoting kisses your tip then tickles your slit with the soft edge of her tongue. You exhale too loudly for her not to grin mischievously. Her bright eyes shouldn’t look so innocent when her full lips graze along your length, sealing at the base then harshly sucking all the way backwards. But they do, and you can’t look away. 

She’s trapped you. You’re a little embarrassed at how a girl who’s only met you and knows all the risks that come with fucking you still manages to reduce you to groans because you should be the bigger person here. You should play the devil’s advocate and tell her to get away from you with her nonsense and stupidly soft lips and irritatingly beautiful face. You should push her away. Yes, she should do everything but come closer; she should—

“Fuck me,” you breathe raspily.

“‘Course I will,” Xiaoting answers with a smile that’s too pretty for her own good. She faces your friends and flashes him a quiet smile. “Jealous yet?”

“No,” Lee answers. 

“Hm. I can do something about that.”

She deepthroats you, welcoming your bulge into her tight neck and letting it thrust in and out. The closeness of her airway greets you when you push, and her slick, wet mouth begs you to come back when you exit. It leaves you in a frenzy of indecisiveness—you don’t know what to choose: keep bluntly thrusting into Xiaoting’s throat or let your cockhead glide along her lips. Again, she makes you dizzy. Helpless. Weak.

“You sure know how to suck a dick,” says Lee enviously. The tightness of his shorts can’t hide his erection. 

Xiaoting pulls back. “Oh, I do,” she says. “I can do two things at once, if you know what I mean.” She levels him with a schemeful stare. “I’m very good at it.”

“Fuck.”

“What’s wrong?” she asks meekly. Her bottom lip juts out, “Want me to show you?”

Whenever Lee watches Kep1er’s V-lives or variety shows, he takes Xiaoting as someone who’s silent but forgiving. But now that he’s actually met her, he finds out that she’s the type of girl who doesn’t take no for an answer. If it weren’t already obvious from her rubbing his cock over his bottoms and her mouth sucking you away, she always gets what she wants. She might like to play quiet and innocent, but it’s clear that she isn’t any of that.

“Oh fuck,” he gasps. Her palm’s soft and smooth over the sensitive flesh of his erection. “Xiao– Xiaoting… you’re so—”

“Oh, so now you want to fuck me?” 

“I—uh—”

“Say it.” Xiaoting replaces her mouth on your cock with a furious, pumping hand and prods your friend on. Now she’s jerking the two of you off at the same time and leaves no second for you to breathe. “Say that you want to fuck me.”

“I want to fuck you, Xiaoting,” Lee says. He closes his eyes and hisses. “We want to fuck you so bad.”

You nod in agreement. Both of your male moans fill the air, making Xiaoting’s smile grow wider. She’s finally getting what she wants, and she’s not going to stop until it blooms to something better. She can already imagine being fucked by the two of you. She bets it’ll be better than just watching an old porn video.

The cause of the thrill is recognizable. Yujin could walk into the pool at any time and scream at the boldness, and if you and Lee weren’t trustworthy, she’d end up on the news and ruin her career. It’s the risk of being caught that quickens her jerking of your cocks, that makes her smile like never before.

“You’re close, aren’t you?” she coos. “You want to cum all for me so much it’s pathetic. But I like it, so don’t you worry. And I won’t mind if you shower me with your hot cum either, so do it.”

The pace of her hand jerking you off matches the speed of the one she’s using on Lee. Your breaths and moans mix with his, and you’re driven on by the redheaded girl nodding in encouragement. Her little nods remind you of how she took your cock so effortlessly just a few minutes ago, and you’re getting worked up again. 

“Getting excited, I see,” Xiaoting remarks, noting the thrusts the two of you fire into her closed fists.  “Make sure it isn’t for nothing. Cum on my face, my body, I don’t care. Just do it.”

Her soft voice is addicting; how can it pronounce such bold, dirty words while keeping the same touch of innocence to it? You don’t know what or why, but you don’t care anyway. You’re only going after the high that’s so close you can taste it. Maybe Xiaoting can taste it. You wouldn’t want anything less than that. 

On the other hand, you could go for more.

On Xiaoting’s other hand, Lee erupts. She closes her eyes in delight as he paints her with his overflowing semen. Her delicate face is caked with the bold fluid when it shouldn’t be—Xiaoting’s face should only ever be used in sweet, nostalgic commercials, not blasted with cum. But it is, and on the first impact, she immediately lets her tongue stick out. It’s the lewd expression on her face while doing it that finally makes you explode on her. 

A lot of it ends up on her face, but the lucky droplets slide down to her mouth. Xiaoting’s heart bursts with satisfaction at the most inappropriate of things, and this is the highest on the list of them. To be showered with cum by two anonymous men who could do anything with her if they please makes her shiver. She wants it. She wants you most of all.

And so when she gets up, she says, with a tone that warns the two of you that consequences will be consequences if you refuse: “Let’s get out of here.”

-

You end up in another place: her room. This day has just been setting change after setting change. You’re grateful that this one is well-furnished, though—any other bed would break if Lee had thrown Xiaoting like that on it. 

She likes it, however; she props herself up on the mattress after it went on with a wide smile. It’s more seductive than it should be, and for that reason, you pull off her shorts while Lee lifts her top over her body.

You’re not usually this confident. You like to stand at the side and let everything take its course. But Xiaoting just ignites something in you. She brings out a lust-crazed animal inside you that survives by fucking her numbless.

Maybe it’s her body that’s making you this way? Her arms and waist are thin, but her thighs are fuller than you expected. You part them and discover that her pussy is the same way. Her pink, puffy lips are soaked, and you’re here to clean her up.

“Oh my god, what are you doing… ahhh!” 

Xiaoting’s cry approaches a scream as you tongue her fat pussy. First, you flick her clit with a sudden expertness. Then, you latch your lips around it and give her the most powerful suction you can muster. Her wetness instantly floods your face. When she throws her head back to open her mouth, Lee comes up to make sure it’s put to good use.

“Suck me off, Xiaoting,” he tells her. “Like a good girl.”

How could she be a good girl? How could she be a well-behaved little thing when your tongue is completely ruining her, slick against her lips then wild inside her twitching hole? Xiaoting doesn’t think she can, but this is what she’s dreamed of. This is what she wanted, so she’ll go through it gladly.

Lee learns from her habits at not taking “no” for an answer and dips his hips on her face. Her lips spread and take his cock fully. She whines and tries to relax her throat to take his length, but her neck still ends up with a bulge imprinted on its flesh. 

Her engorged clit experiences the best of pleasure as your lips massage it. She finally screams and bucks her hips into your face, but you hold her down by her luscious thighs. Squeeze them, then spank them. There’s an unexpected voice inside you commanding you to pepper her creamy thighs with handprints again and again. You’d love to corrupt the paleness of her soft flesh with red. Mark her that way. Tell her that she got what she wanted. You want to see her twitch and cry and moan for more, and you want to give it to her since hell, who are you to reject Shen Xiaoting?

So, you give in to the voice. Let it control you and raise your hand to her right thigh. You squeeze in time with Lee’s thrusts into her mouth. Her lower body lifts off the bed, but you pin her down again anyway. As revenge, her thighs curl around your head and keep you locked to her center. But it can’t be revenge when you relish it, can it?

“Fuck, her mouth is so fucking good,” Lee groans. His balls hit Xiaoting right in her pretty face, and she makes sure to dedicate at least a few licks to fuel his lust. “Told you this vacation was gonna be good. Getting a pretty girl to use.”

What are you even supposed to say to that? Your fears get the best of you again. You’re afraid to sound off to Xiaoting if you say the wrong word. Her pretty cunt just addles your brain that no words can be formed. They translate into actions, like pulling your lips away from her pussy and rubbing at her clit.

“Hnnnn!” Xiaoting cries. Her hips gyrate, and it’s your job again to keep her on the bed. You can’t do anything about the wet sheets, though. You can’t stop Xiaoting’s violent squirting as your rubbing at her core grows more frequent and harsh.

Lee pulls out of her mouth. A rain of white damages her face, but it’s the very storm in which she screams to the fullest. She’s tapping out, unable to handle the furious flicks at her clit. She barely has the strength to lift herself up, but she tries anyway for the purpose of seeing how her squirt flashes out from under her engorged clit, where you thumb and lick energetically. 

“Fuck, fuck, I can’t!” she says, eyes not bothering to open anymore. “Please make me cum more, I can’t take it!”

Her words contrast each other, but you take the initiative to avoid stopping. You slip two fingers inside her to fill her desperate pussy and place your lips on her nub. Your rhythms are mismatched, but they’re perfect enough to make Xiaoting’s toes curl. 

“Look at these pretty tits,” Lee says. He comes up from behind Xiaoting to wrap his hands fully around her small, painted chest. Pinching her nipples, he kisses her neck. “So perfect. You like this, Xiaoting?”

What other answer is truthful except for the whiny, shouted “Yes!” she replies? 

Xiaoting leans back into his chest and kisses him. While Lee toys with her sensitive nipples as she screams and begs, you suck her clit harshly. It pulses between your lips. Although it’s clear you’re draining her, stopping is an impossibility. You’re high on Xiaoting, and you want to do everything but come down.

“Cum— cumming, cumming so hard!” she mumbles. Lee’s kisses on her neck rake up her sensitivity. “Please make me cum, gonna cum again, too much, please!”

As she promised, your mouth is filled again with her sweet nectar. You could live on it; you could have Xiaoting sit on your face each day for her cum to heal your shortcomings as if you were a god. But you decide that’s enough for now, and sighs heavily in relief. She relies on your friend’s chest to keep herself up.

“Y-you eat me so well,” she says appreciatively. “You’re so good.”

Your blush is almost as red as her hair. “Thanks, I guess,” you respond bashfully. 

“Hey, didn’t I fuck your mouth good, too?” Lee asks. He’s a little jealous hearing you get praised instead of him. Xiaoting is one of his heroes, that being the reason why he wants her approval, too. 

Xiaoting, suddenly full of energy, sits up straight and taps her chin. “I don't know, can your dick even fill me properly?”

You raise your brows. It’s a solid reminder that you and Lee may have spent all night ruining her body, but she still is the puppeteer. Her status, wants, and pretty face drag you around like strings, having you do whatever she wants you to do. She’s just insanely good at making it seem that you could do whatever to her. If she weren’t an idol, she could have been an actress.

“Oh yeah?” Lee sits up, too, and tries to hide the offense in his face. 

Xiaoting meets his gaze, unfaltering. “You heard me.”

“Alright then, I’ll fill you up,” he offers. He rises from the bed and stands with you. “He’ll fuck your mouth. Call it a spitroast, then we’ll see who’s better.”

Xiaoting’s eyes sparkle. He really doesn’t have a clue, does he? But he’s cute, and as much as she’d climb heights to avoid admitting it, he has a big cock. She can't wait for it to fill her up.

Excitement grips her skin as Lee pulls her up and bends her over the bed. His cock teases her hole. You take your place in front of Xiaoting. 

The first spank resounds. She winces, but she's biting her lip. You can see every lewd expression she makes with your position before her. You slap your cock on her cheek, and she moans delightfully. 

"That feels so good," she says, through ragged breaths. She runs a hand through her Ariel hair and smiles. Her grin glints with charm. "Come on, boys. Use me. You can do that for me, can't you? And—fuck."

Her pussy, still sensitive, reels helplessly. Lee has his cock penetrating her thighs, nudging her clit. It isn't even the real thing but she's already so weak. 

"Your thighs are amazing, Xiaoting," he tells her. 

"I know. Fuck them all you want, but don't forget to fill me up. You," she looks up at you and smirks, a fatal attack to your poor heart, "blow a big load in my mouth, okay?"

You nod. You brush your cockhead on her soft lips, then slowly enter her mouth. It's still as good as the first time, for her tongue knows how to work wonders on your length. She's all wet and hot, and although you envy Lee for having the chance to fuck her pussy, you think that this is good for now.

You and Lee pump into Xiaoting quickly. Both of her holes are incredibly wet. While her slick walls contract and hold on to his cock, her warm mouth moistens your length with sheen-coated pleasure. You're both knocking into her body, feeling her all over the place—her small bouncing tits, the ripples of her perfect ass, her wide hips; no place is left untouched. 

And, despite the violence of the intercourse as you fuck Xiaoting on both ends, she likes it. 

She doesn’t need to bob her head anymore to let your girth into her tight throat; Lee’s harsh thrusts from behind drive her mouth to swallow more of you. You’ve got your fingers in her hair, gathering them in one tight tail, so that there won’t be hindrance in facefucking her. So far, her face is the most perfect thing to fuck. Your hand, though a familiar dream, can’t compare to the way her eyes sparkle when her gaze meets yours, or the hollowing of her cheeks when she dares to push her limits. 

Or maybe she’s just that pretty.

“Too much for you now, Xiaoting?” Lee asks. He’s gripping the soft cheeks of her bubble butt then teasing the puckered hole. 

“You wish,” Xiaoting says, pulling away from your cock and jacking it off. You can’t really see her when she turns her head to your friend, but you can just tell that she’s got on the most bratty expression. Even her words alone can entice Lee to fuck the brat out of her.

“What about now?”

Xiaoting shimmies away after he slips a finger inside her tight asshole. Desperate not to show her vulnerability, she places her mouth on your cock again. Her moans reverberate and create breathy pleasure on your length, and you start to fuck her harder. You know she’s enjoying it; her face never shows anything other than bliss, and her moans increase despite her filled mouth. 

All her holes are filled, and it’s going further than she’s ever dreamed of. Your touch is everywhere, and she tries to sink into it wherever it goes, but it keeps roaming. She can’t keep up with the thumb on her clit. Or the fingers spreading her virginal ass. Or your cock defiling her mouth. Or—

“More, f-fuck!” 

The suction of her pretty lips increases. Xiaoting’s eyes are squeezed shut. The room fills with screams and she clenches down so hard that Lee fills her insides earlier than he’d like. 

“Holy shit, that’s it, Xiaoting,” he says. His groans almost match her screams. “Fucking cum all over this cock.”

Their cum mixes together, a lewd liquid that drips down the thighs he fucked earlier. Her moans are strained cries, ones you muffle with a few remaining thrusts. She counts your thrusts just like she did whenever she dances at the practice room, timing her licks with them. More witness dribbles down her skin at your moans, and she evokes more out of you as she swallows your complete length all in one go. Restricted by the closeness of her throat, you’ve no choice but to cum inside her mouth. 

“Xiao– Xiaoting…” You’ve lost all control over balance and logic. You sit back down heavily on the edge of the bed and try to keep up with your breath.

Xiaoting licks your cockhead one last time. She laughs when it twitches. Her lips are lined with white, hot cum. “You don’t talk much,” she says, then, as she pointedly looks at Lee, continues, “but you’re really cute.”

“That’s it.” Lee’s a jealous guy. He ’t take the poorly veiled method Xiaoting’s too good at: riling him up. He doesn’t let envy take hold of what he does, but now, lust has corrupted his mind. He was too turned on by the sight of Xiaoting’s perfect back curving with his thrusts, at the sloppy sounds of her blowjob. Everything about her oozes of sex, which is what he’s happy to do to her.

He throws her on the bed again. The soft landing doesn’t save the bounce of her ass, nor does it take away the pleasurable pain of Lee spreading her legs. Lee’s face is flushed with lust and jealousy. He takes it all out in slapping the puffy cunt the best he can. 

Xiaoting cries out with satisfaction when he spanks her cunt, even parking her crotch further into his hand. “Fuck, yes, keep doing that!” 

“Brat,” Lee spits. You’re silent, but you secretly agree with him, too. Xiaoting’s a bigger brat than she poses herself as.

“Alright,” she says. Raised brows, upturned smile, she quips: “Then fuck me like one.”

She isn’t denying it or anything, but she is running away from the consequences of being one. She’s gauging the reaction she wants from the two of you, making it seem like it’s the perfect thing to do to put her in her place when she’s only rising above. She seems to love the reaction Lee makes:

“I’ll go for her ass,” he says, pulling her into his lap. As he does, his cock slips inside the ringed hole. Xiaoting’s cracked gasp fills your ears. “You can have a turn on her bratty cunt.”

More sounds of lewdness and pleasure spill from her pretty mouth when Lee pushes his fingers inside her pussy and spreads the walls apart. You watch, with strange hooked fascination, as Xiaoting writhes at Lee scissoring his fingers inside her. Cum ribbons his fingers, but he keeps going, determined to batter Xiaoting down into a desperate passive. You’d say it’s working, for what it’s worth.

“Hnnn, so hot, I can’t—!” She looks down at her fingerfucked pussy and hisses. “Haah, fffuck, please don’t stop!”

Lee doesn’t stop for a while. He continues fucking her pussy with his digitis until she squirts. All the while her voice reaches new pitches. He ends with slapping her crotch over and over, wetting his hands with her liquid.

“Oh, oh god, so good!” she screams. You squeeze her taut nipples and rub your cockhead on her clit. “Keep doing that, I’m ‘bout to cum so hard!”

“Again?” you ask. She looks up at you, surprised you’re speaking, but her gaze breaks at your cock filling her entrance up. “You’re a little cumslut, aren’t you? It’s all you ever want to do: cum all over cock.”

Despite her surprise, she nods. It’s true, anyway, so what’s the point in denying it? And there’s really not much time to put up a fight when the two of you are filling both of her holes. 

Her ass aches, but Lee’s in heaven—her tight little asshole is heaven itself. The cum and wetness from her pussy serve as good lubricant to slide in and out of her, to spread and slap her bouncing cheeks. You’re in heaven, too, despite the sin you make of thrusting into Xiaoting’s silken cunt like it depends on your life. At times, you pull out to rub your cock on her lips, enjoying the puffed texture of it and the whine of need she makes.

Kisses are everywhere. You pepper Xiaoting’s lips with them, too engaged with how soft her lips are to regard the fact that your friend’s literal cock has been there, and Lee kisses her arms. You’re both keen on ruining all of her body, and that involves marking her as your own. For this night, anyway, but the night is still young; while it lasts, you might as well up the tempo of your thrusts and grope her body as much as you like.

You find that the parts of her form that you appreciate the most are her face, thighs, and pussy. You loved to paint her pretty face with your load, corrupting the innocence it exudes. You relish thinking, too, of how her thighs served as earmuffs around your head and almost crushed you with how full and muscular they are. Plus, her pussy’s so perfect, so tight that you don’t think you’d want any other. It clenches and grips with every thrust, sends her hands flying to the sheets and on the side of Lee’s face.

Shen Xiaoting’s insatiable. 

“So fucking big inside me!” she’s screaming, grabbing your ass so you’re compelled to ram deeper. Her eyes are wide, and her breaths barely come out anymore.  “Fuck my little pussy with that big cock, please, da—”

Lee vents his anger out on her clit. He abuses it with firm, circular rubs that make Xiaoting’s hips twitch into your cock. There’s truly no escape from the pleasure—there’s her ass filled repeatedly, and the violent thrusts in her cunt. Now, there’s the pinching of her nipples and the rubs on her clit to deal with. She could scream and crawl and whine, but mercy isn’t in the dictionary for tonight. She’s going to be fucked hard, just the way she wanted, and she’ll have to cope with it one way or another.

You part her legs as far as they could go. You’re impressed at how flexible she is; her years as a dancer have certainly brought good fruit. With this position you’re able to hold her thighs as much as you want while fucking her cunt deeper. Lee’s given the chance to bounce her ass on him with no trouble. Lastly, Xiaoting’s put in a state of bliss—to the front, she’s filled and from the back, she is, too, and she doesn’t think she could hold on much longer. There’s too many things going on: her nipples being toyed with and squeezed, her thighs being spanked, her clit being assaulted. She’s so close to another orgasm that, like the others, have gone uncounted.

It’s messy when she cums. The whole thing has been fluids upon skin and skin upon fluids, but this one in particular is plentiful. IHer cum spurts everywhere in a profane splash right into your and on the sheets. She’s screaming, too, a bunch of words that can’t be deciphered properly. It sends off the right message, anyway: she’s cumming more.

You quickly move over to Xiaoting’s nipples when you feel your climax approaching. It’s induced by curiosity, and it gets the better of you; swipe your tip side to side on her small, perky nipples. The new sensation is strange, but it sets a flame of pleasure on your length. Xiaoting moans, guiding her breast to your cockhead, and chewing on Lee’s bottom lip. 

Eventually, the stamina subsides, and all three of you collapse on the bed. No word is exchanged for a long time.

-

“You,” says Yujin menacingly, pointing accusingly at Xiaoting with a single index finger with utmost anger on her face, “are in so much trouble.”

Xiaoting wipes her hair down with a towel. It was difficult to shower when her legs could barely hold her up, but it’s done now. She has nothing to worry about. Technically, there is more to worry about: Yujin’s discovered what secret she’s been hiding, and she’s furious. But, to her surprise, she isn’t pent up about it. If anything, she’s rather proud.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replies. A white lie for a dark sin is still not counted, right?

“I… I saw you,” Yujin goes on. She’s walking around with Xiaoting as the younger girl paces in the room. “I saw you get out with those two guys!”

“And why would you assume anything happened?”

“Because there’s fucking cum on the floor, Xiaoting!” 

"Well." Xiaoting raises her hands in the air and sits down on the bed. "A girl’s gotta have fun.”

-

Unknown Number sent a message:

Hey ;)

If you want to do that again

You know where to call me

I’ll be waiting </3

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-six

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: Please, I beg you. Don't focus too much on the whole Trey part(i mean he is an asshole.) But when Noah and Angel are listening to music, please please please listen too Eiley by Too Close To Touch. That is all.

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond

"How are we feeling tonight, Milwaukee?!" I yelled into the microphone.

Cheers reverberated back from the ground up to the stage as I squinted my eyes when the stage lights cast over us.

"I'm glad you're having fun because if you weren't, this would be awkward," I joked with a chuckle while adjusting the microphone stand. "But all jokes aside, I wanted to say thank you for all of your support for Hollow Souls the last few years. It's appreciated more than you all could ever know. Because of your love and support, we're able to do what we love every night."

I pointed to Chase who did his typical ten-second drum solo then to Malcolm who strummed a few notes on his bass before giving an over-exaggerated bow. And reluctantly, I pointed to Trey who came up to me and threw an arm around my shoulder, leaving a kiss on my cheek; it smelled like vodka and cigarettes.

"Thanks, baby," he winked before chugging half of his clear water bottle that I was sure wasn't water.

Glancing over to the left side of the stage, I gave a wide smile to the guys of Bad Omens as they all watched out set. They had a killer set before us, this one I actually watched, and the energy that vibrated off of them stuck to me before I came out here, finally letting the excitement of performing to fill my veins. This was the first night in a while that I moved around on stage and put on a show for the crowd.

Noah flashed me a brief smile, memories of our day on the beach a few days ago still burning hot in my mind, and I gave him a small wave.

"So we only have two songs left," I spoke back into the microphone which in turn made the crowd boo loudly. "But you guys have to admit, we put on a killer show for you all tonight. But what about Bad Omens?"

The crow cheered but not as loud as I thought they should so I grabbed the mic off of the stand before going up to the little stage that Chase had his drums set up so I could stare down at the entire crowd.

"Oh, that was some weak shit, Milwaukee," I showed them my mock disappointment by placing my hand on my hip.

Chase looked at me with a smile, knowing what I was fishing for so he beat on his drum, hyping up the crowd.

"I want to hear every single one of you scream for Bad Omens on the count of three. Ready?!"

Cheers and screams filled the large venue hall, but I was greedy; I needed to hear it louder. These guys deserved it.

"One!" I held up one finger.

Chase drummed faster; harder.

"Two!"

Two fingers up in the air as Chase put more force into his drumming.

Looking back over to where Bad Omens were watching with bright smiles as I hyped up the crowd for them, I held up three fingers, Chase breaking out in a full on drum solo now.

"THREE!"

The screams were loud, deafening, and I took out my ear in so I could hear it for myself. My heart pounded in my chest as I ran down the steps from Chase's makeshift stage and ran to one end of the stage, throwing up my arms up in the air before doing the same thing on the other end of the stage. Malcolm played a few chords on his bass as I stood next to him.

"You guys might not think this now but Bad Omens are going to be huge in a few years. They'll be in our position selling out shows and Hollow Souls will open for them," I promised into the microphone.

Malcolm watched me with awe through the messy strands of auburn hair that covered his face. Tonight was the first night all tour that I interacted with the crowd this much and fuck, it felt so good. With the energy of watching Bad Omens play and the crowd singing to every one of our songs made adrenaline course through me and I couldn't stop.

Noah's words from our first night on tour came to mind: "Come alive out there. Have fun."

Trey watched me with pure distaste in his eyes as I hyped up Noah and his friends but I didn't care; I was feeling so good about myself that I even wore something different from I usually did. A short-sleeved white crop top with black high wasted shorts. It showed off most of my tattoos and when Trey tried to tell me to go change, I simply told him to fuck off before running out on stage.

As I walked over to the area by Chase's drum stage where I kept my water, I glanced to my right and noticed that all the guys of Bad Omens were giving me large smiles with Noah finishing it with a wink. I also had my phone on here and usually I never checked it during our set but there was this feeling deep in my gut that told me to check it. It shocked me to see it was from Mason, an old friend of mine.

I'm sorry it has to be through text but you needed to know. Keaton's gone.

My phone slipped from my grasp as I nearly choked on my breath, vacant eyes staring at the floor beneath my feet. I swear my heart stopped in that moment I read the text, almost not believing it. But knowing it came from Mason who was close with Keaton, it was true.

Keaton's gone? I just talked to him a few days ago, and we made plans to catch up once tour was over.

I sucked in a breath; the realization hitting me like a freight train, and I spun around to side stage just in time to see Noah staring down at the phone in his hand. His body was stilled straight, not moving an inch, but even from this distance I could see the cold expression that crossed his face. Nothing about his body language gave off what he was thinking; what he was feeling.

"Look at me, Noah." I muttered under my breath.

I needed to know what his eyes were saying.

Instead, he shoved his phone into his pocket before turning his back to me and disappearing from view, the rest of his friends following close behind.

"Y/N?"

Through my hazy vision, I glanced up to Chase who was kneeling on his makeshift stage so he could look down at me.

"What's wrong?" His voice was full of worry.

He must have seen me read the text and knew me so well to know something was drastically wrong.

"Uh," I blinked slowly, voice wavering, as the grief sank its feral fangs deep into the marrow of my bones. It's nails gouged through my heart, it bleeding to the depths of my stomach.

What was I supposed to do? Cancel the rest of the show?

No, Keaton wouldn't want that. He would want me to perform with every ounce I had left in me and that's what I was going to do. We could all grief together after.

"I'll explain after the show. Lets close it out strong," I nodded my reassurance to Chase before slowly walking over to my microphone stand.

I ignored the crowd as they chanted for an encore and pushed my way through the bodies of our crew members. Malcolm and Chase were hot on my heels, waiting for me to explain what the hell was going on. I rushed through the last two songs so I could get off stage and find Noah. I needed to know if he was alright.

Trey's fingers grasped my elbow in a tight grip to haul me to a stop. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Why did you rush through the last two songs?"

"Fuck off!" I screamed while ripping my arm from his grasp.

Tears burned in my eyes, and I dug my palms into them to stop the tears from falling. I couldn't break down right now. I needed to find Noah.

When Trey tried to grab me again, Chase stepped in front of me and pushed him hard in his chest. "Leave her alone, man. Can't you see something's wrong?"

"This isn't your business!" Trey stepped up into Chase's chest.

Malcolm felt the immediate change in air, the tension growing its webs deep into the air around us, so he laid a soft touch on Chase's shoulder.

"He's not worth it, man."

Trey snickered. "You always have to come to Chase's rescue. Is that what true love is?"

Chase cursed before pushing past Malcom, laying his fist directly into Trey's jaw, knocking his ass to the floor. I yelped out in surprise while covering my mouth as Chase tried to get another hit in but now Malcolm was pushing him farther away from Trey.

"Calm down! You can't do that right now."

He spat at the floor where Trey sat while clutching his jaw. "He deserves it! I'm pissed I waited this long!"

Trey was fast on his feet to barrel past Malcom to tackle Chase down the ground, laying fist after fist into his face.

"Stop it!" I yelled with tears in my eyes.

Malcolm cursed then grabbed Trey from the back and basically tossed him to the side. Chase scrambled to his feet, spitting blood at the ground as he tried to go after Trey.

"That's all you got, pretty boy? Need your boyfriend to come save you again?" Trey taunted with a smirk.

"Fuck off, Trey!" I screamed while stepping between him and Chase, who immediately moved me behind him to block me from Trey.

"Oh, what's this?" He raised a brow. "Noah's dick wasn't enough, now she's sucking yours too?"

Trey's body crumbled to the ground, clutching his now broken nose that had blood pooling to the floor between his fingers.

Malcom cursed under his breath while rubbing his sore knuckles.

"You're a piece of shit," I seethed from over Chase's shoulder. "Not everything is about you!"

"The hell it isn't!" Trey screamed. "You're always taking everyone else side. I'm your boyfriend, Y/N! Why are you in such a hurry to find Noah? You should be with me, not some pussy kid who think he's going to be the next big thing."

Chase advantaged to Trey once more but Malcom was quick to step in front of him.

Malcolm grabbed Chase's face so he could look at just his emerald eyes. "I know, man. But look at Y/N, look at her! She's two seconds away from breaking down and we don't know why. She needs us."

Chase's nostrils flared as he gave one last glance down to Trey before his eyes fell on me, who was still covering my mouth, mind swirling with so many differnt emotions I didn't know which one to focus on. I didn't realize but tears were streaming down my face as I continued to stare at Trey.

"I can't believe you're taking their side. After everything I gave you?" He seethed while slowly rising to his feet.

I blinked, astonished he said that. "I'm not getting into this with you right now."

He spit blood at my feet, wiping it on the back of his hand. "You're pathetic."

I thought the anger would rise as he pushed past us but the grief was so strong; it outweighed all the rest.

"Y/N," Malcolm was now lifting my chin up towards his face, worry filling the emerald lights of his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I have to find, Noah."

My voice was so quiet, and I knew they didn't hear me so after clearing my throat, I held my shoulders straighter so I could tell them the words that I was dreading to say.

"Keaton. He's uh-.," I swallowed thickly. "Keaton's dead."

Chase's anger left his body as he ran a hand over his buzzed head while Malcolm gave a slow nod, my words still registering with him. We all were close with the guys in Too Close To Touch but they knew the special bond Keaton and I had. They also knew how much I was battling inside my mind.

"Come on," Chase's soothing voice encompassed around me as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, leading us through the backstage area of the venue.

Malcolm showed us his phone. "Jolly said Noah's outside, he wanted to be alone."

I nodded numbly. "Maybe I'll catch him before we leave-."

"No."

Turning in Chase's arms, I saw Nick standing at the doorway that lead out to the back parking lot. His hair was a mess as if he was running his hands through his and while his eyes were red, it looked like he was holding in his own tears.

"He won't talk to any of us, not even me. He's shutting down and I don't know how to help him," Nick said with so much defeat in his voice, it made my heart wrench in pain.

"I don't know how much help I'll be if he won't even listen to you, Nick," I shrugged.

His eyes shined with the wetness of tears. "Please."

I was already loss for words and which made me unable to say the things that crawled my mind. How would I be able to translate how I'm feeling about this when truthfully, I didn't know myself?

"Okay," I let out in one breath. "Where is he?"

"When I left him, he was pacing in front of our bus," Nick said while motioning for me to follow.

Chase left a kiss on my head while Malcolm bumped his fist with mine, his way of showing affection, and I followed Nick outside where the sight broke my heart. Noah was pacing the length of the bus, running a frantic hand through his long hair. Jolly and Folio watched from afar with their hands in their pockets, not sure what to do. Noah let out a loud noise that shook the earth beneath me, the raw grief destroying him.

"Noah," I spoke softly.

Red, bloodshot eyes, stared back at me as tears stained his face. Noah's bottom lips trembled as a broken sob crawled out of his throat.

"Is Trey around? Because I don't want to deal with that bullshit right now."

"Fuck Trey," I spat, the altercation from earlier still burning low. "It's just you and me, Noah."

Both of us stood still for a long moment before the same magnetic pull that was etched in deep in our hearts made us both break out in a sprint towards each other. I fell into his embrace, nearly knocking him over, as his arms circling around me while he buried his face in my hairline. Noah completely broke down when my hands spread over his large back, needing to feel the heat of him. I cried into his shirt as my fists grasped the back of it. We stayed like that for so long, until neither of us could cry anymore, and his raw voice spoke in a hushed tone.

"He can't-." The words died on his lips as he choked on a broken sob.

Still in his embrace, I rested my chin on his chest as I looked up at him. "I just talked to him earlier this week."

Noah tensed in my arms for the briefest of moments. "Me too."

I rested my cheek to his chest again letting the beat of his heart calm my own. One had was running fingers through the long strands of my hair while the other grasped at my lower back. This pain was unknown; I'd never lost someone so close to me like this before. I didn't know the correct way to grief but knowing that Noah was going through the same thing made it a little easier.

"Kenneth said the funeral is on Friday," Noah's chest rumbled.

I looked up at him again with my arms still wrapped around him. "What do you want to do?"

Noah swallowed the large lump in his throat, doing his best to hold back his tears. "I need to go."

"Alright. I'll book us two tickets to Kentucky. I'm sure Ethan and Matt will understand if we need to cancel the next show."

"You're coming with me?" He asked, almost shocked. "What about-?"

I gently touched his cheek. "I'm not letting you deal with this on your own, Noah. Keaton was my friend too. I'm going."

With a relief sigh, he brushed his lips through my hairline, pressing the softest of kisses there and even though I forced the butterflies deep down to the pits of my stomach, I couldn't stop the small smile that pulled at my lips.

"Thank you, angel."

Hoping out of the bathroom on one foot, I balanced while strapping on one heel before switching feet to do the same to the other. I straightened out and brushed away the stray hairs on my black dress before turning my attention to Noah, who was standing in front of the mirror in the room, staring at himself.

"I'm almost ready to go. I just need to find my jacket," I said as I rummaged through my suitcase.

He didn't say a word, just kept staring absentmindedly at his reflection and although he was already dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans and a black button him, something was missing from his outfit; the grey tie that hung loose from his fingers.

We arrived to the hotel in Lexington earlier this morning and almost immediately, Noah shut himself in the bathroom to get ready. I checked in on him after a while when I realized the shower was running for some time and when he called back. 'I'm alright, angel' I let him be. Noah needed time to heal and mentally prepare himself for today. I didn't want to add any extra pressure that wasn't necessary. Thankfully, both Matt and Ethan were more than alright with us taking two days off to come to Keaton's funeral. We ended up having to cancel tonight's show but once news broke online of Keaton's passing; the fans understood.

After the first initial shock of finding out about Keaton, Noah shut down. He's barely said anything to me or the guys since the other night and Nick stressed to me before we left I needed to make sure Noah didn't retreat into himself.

"He hasn't had an anxiety attack in some time but I'm afraid that with the weight of everything, it might cause him to spiral."

I promised Nick with a bone-crushing hug that I'd keep an extra eye on Noah.

Noah was already so far in his head that when we walked into the hotel room to see only one bed, he merely shrugged before shutting himself in the bathroom.

"Hey," I said softly while resting a hand on his back. "What's going on in your mind?"

He tore his gaze away from the mirror and held up his tie. "I don't know how to tie a tie."

"Here," I smiled while taking it from his hands and popped the collar of his shirt so I could slide it around his neck.

We stood in silence as I worked on tying it and Noah stared straight over my head. Our breathing was the only thing heard in the room as my eyes traveled away from the tie to the tattoo's on his neck and I bit the inside of my cheek when the urge to lick it filled me.

"Yes, it hurt."

Noah's deep voice broke me out of the trance over tracing over the design of snake, apple, and hand.

"Hm?" I peered up at him, fingers finishing the knot in his tie.

"The tattoo, it hurt. You were staring at it so I figured you were about to ask me that," he said.

The brightness of his dark eyes dulled the night we found out about Keaton and part of me worried it would never return.

"Yeah," I murmured, even though that wasn't what I was thinking about. "Well, I'm done."

Noah smiled a thanks before he grabbed his jacket off the chair in the room and slid it on. Next came the rings and bracelets and if it was a different circumstance, I would marvel at how attractive his fingers were.

I stared at him for a long moment as he stood in front of me, now fully dressed.

"What?," he asked.

I bit my lip nervously, unsure how he would answer my question. "Could I brush your hair? I can fix it so it stays out of your face today. If not, it's not a big deal. I just thought maybe-."

For the first time in a few days, Noah smiled just the slightest and handed me a brush from his bag. "Promise you won't braid it?"

"I won't," I chuckled while motioning for him to sit on the edge of the bed.

He did, and I kneeled behind him to run the brush through his hair. It dried weird after his shower and kind of a mess around his face. I figured it would bother him today, so that's why I offered; not because I wanted to take care of him anyway I could.

From the mirror in front of us, I watched as Noah's eyes shut and a pure look of bliss crossed his features. The hard lines in his forehead eased and the darkness underneath his eyes lightened just from this simple action.

"You don't have to carry everything on your shoulders, Noah," I whispered as I set the brush down on the bed but remained kneeling behind him.

My hands rested on his shoulders as I stared at him through the mirror. His eyes met mine in a dull way but there was just enough spark of life that eased the grip around my heart.

"I know, angel," he nodded while grasping my hand, giving it a squeeze.

When he stood to his feet, my hands fell from him and I couldn't lie I missed the way his strong muscles felt under my fingers.

"Ready?" I asked once I had my jacket and bag on.

"No, but I don't have a choice. I have to say goodbye," Noah ran a hand over his somber face.

It truly worried me if he'd be able to make it through the day without showing some kind of emotion.

Instead of dwelling on it, I extended my hand towards him. "Come on. Let's go say goodbye to our friend then."

The warmth from his hand as his fingers intertwined with mine made my heart flutter in my chest and he reassured me he was in fact fine with a gentle squeeze.

"I'll call you guys once the tour is over and all of us can get together for a dinner for Keaton," I smiled weakly to Kenneth.

"He'd want that," he smiled.

I wiped away a few tears before nodding. "Yea."

Mason motioned behind me. "How's he doing?"

Turning on my heels, I took in the broken sight of Noah who was sitting on a stone wall in the cemetery, pure grief on his face. The funeral wasn't easy for any of us but for Noah, it nearly brought him to his knees; if it wasn't for me.

My arm hooked through Noah's as I rested my head on his shoulder, the both of us staring down at the now filled grave. People has dispersed by now, going to the wake, but Noah wasn't ready to leave. He wanted to stay for a few minutes to say something to Keaton. But the longer we stayed in this position, I realized maybe he couldn't find the words to say.

I rested my chin on his arm while looking to the side of his face but the strands of his hair covered what I wanted to see the most so I brushed it behind his ear. "He knows, Noah."

A muscle in his jaw ticked. "It's not fair."

With a long sigh, I rested my head against his shoulder once more and looked at our friend's grave. "I know."

"Yeah, he will be. Might take some time but I'll make sure of it."

Saying goodbye to Kenneth and Mason, I walked over to Noah who slowly stood when he noticed me.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Yeah," I nodded.

I planned on walking next to him but when he extended his hand towards me, my heart did the same stuttered it always did when around him. So with our hands intertwined, our hearts seemed to slowly be, I let him lead me towards the rental car.

"Are you hungry?" Noah asked.

"I could eat," I shrugged.

Once we reached the car, he opened the passenger door for me and helped me into the seat.

"Noah, I can get in the car by myself," I giggled when he even clicked the seatbelt over me.

We were so close and I could feel his warm breath cascade over my lips as I tilted up towards him, almost closing the distance. It was the same pull, only this time it was stronger, the energy vibrating in our veins. Noah leaned closer but when my phone rang loudly from my purse, he pulled away while clearing his throat.

"You should get that," he said before shutting the door.

Trey's name flashed across the screen and with a grumble, I ignored it and sent a quick four word text to the group chat me, Malcolm, and Chase had.

Going dark. We're okay.

Once my phone was shut off, I leaned back into the seat as Noah started the car and drove away from the cemetery. Trey had been calling almost every hour since I left early this morning and it was getting to where I nearly chucked my phone out the window. He wasn't happy I was coming here, especially with Noah, but I told him to go fuck himself; he couldn't tell me what to do.

Not anymore.

"Shower's open," I said while walking out of the bathroom, dressed in a pair of sleep shorts and a hoodie.

Noah sat perched on the edge of the bed still wearing his clothes from the funeral, and rested his elbows on his knees. When he heard me walk into the room, he quickly wiped away tears and cleared his throat.

"Okay," he kept his gaze cast downward to the carpet of the room.

Shit, he was crying.

Then I realized, a soft tune was filling the room and felt my shoulders fall; Keaton's voice grazed my ears as Too Close To Touch played through the bluetooth speaker Noah brought.

"Noah," I said gently while sitting next to him. "Please don't hide this from me."

"Angel," he warned but any malice behind his voice was deadweight.

He was exhausted and couldn't fight, as much as he wanted too.

I brushed my fingers over his face to tilt his chin towards me and sucked in a breath when I saw how red and swollen his eyes were. Not saying another word, I brought him down to my chest while his hands immediately grasped at my sweater, holding on for dear life as if he was afraid the grief would rip apart from me and drag him deep into the dark abyss.

Noah's cries tangled with Keaton's voice as I let his tears stain my sweater, his body shaking in my embrace. I brushed the air back from his face so he didn't have to worry about it sticking to his face with the tears.

"I fucking miss him, angel. It's not fair."

I blinked away my own tears. "I know. But he's still with us in everything we do. We have pictures and messages from him to remember, we have his music."

Noah sucked in a large breath, burying his face deeper into me. "I can't believe he's fucking gone. I can't. I've lost so many people-so many. I just-. I'll miss him so fucking much."

I rested my head on top of his. "Me too."

He pulled his head away from my chest and I raised my hand to brush away his tears, one hanging on by a thread on his eyelash.

"If I'm being honest," he took a breath to steady himself. "Sitting here with you tonight has also hit me like a train."

Another pause as he exhaled the breath, body shaking with nerves or grief, I wasn't sure.

"I can't lose anyone else. I can't." Noah shook his head. "I don't-I-want-"

"Hey," I cupped his cheek, thumb brushing over the tear that hung on his eyelash. "I'm right here."

His eyes twinkled with the wetness from his tears. "I don't want to fucking lose you, angel. No matter what; I can't. I won't."

"You won't," I repeated his words back to him with my promise, tears falling from my eyes down to his lap.

After the tears were shed and Noah felt a little lighter, he went into the bathroom to change into a pair of sweats and a shirt, throwing his hair up with a claw clip. I'd made myself comfortable leaning against the headboard and Noah followed, sitting right next to me. We continued listening to Too Close To Touch, almost in a way to honor his memory. Noah's knee brushed against mine but I didn't bother to move away from him; his body heat wrapped around me like a blanket and I reveled in feeling this sense of peace in so long.

A deep yawn fell from my lips, and when I gazed at the clock, I nearly groaned. It was only four in the afternoon but with all the emotional trauma we went through today; I was ready for bed.

"Here," Noah extended his legs on the bed and patted his lap. "Lay down. You should get some rest, angel."

I hesitated. "Are you sure? We never even talked about the sleeping situation. I can go lay on the couch."

Noah rolled his eyes with a hint of a smile. "We're two grown adults, we can share the same bed. I'll even put up a wall of pillows if that makes you comfortable."

"No, you don't have to do that," I giggled. "But I definitely will take you up on that offer of laying my head in your lap."

Something dark flashed in his eyes and his bottom lip caught between his teeth. "Go for it."

Ignoring the way my core clenched with the image of me doing other things in his lap, I rested my head against his thigh and almost mewled in pleasure when his long fingers ran through my hair, nails scratching lightly across my scalp.

"Is this alright?"

I nodded. "More than alright. If you keep doing this, I'll fall asleep."

Noah hummed. "That's the plan, angel."

"How can you say this was all part of your plan? Start explaining. Crafted from hope and hospital beds, she's gone."

"No," I trembled. "Not this one."

Out of all the songs, this one was the one I did not want to hear tonight; Eiley.

"It hits differently now, huh?" Noah noted.

"Yea, it does."

With the music and Noah's soft fingers through my hair, I dozed off only to awake sometime later when I felt intense eyes staring down at me. I opened my eyes in a daze and looked up to see dark eyes watching me, tracking my every movement as my lips parted in breath. His expression was something I'd never seen before; blank, lips drawn in a straight line, and his brown eyes blown dark.

I opened my eyes wider and his face lit up with a small grin.

"Hi, angel."

"Hi," I whispered.

Noah gently put his hand on my cheek to scan my face once more, almost waiting for a reaction. I met his intense gaze with my own and felt the intensity from the pull that seemed to be connected by our hearts pull me down so deep to the abyss that was Noah Sebastian and for the first time; I didn't ignore it.

I almost expected his kiss. It's always been right there between us, waiting hungrily. What I didn't expect, however, was his hands so rough, to hold my face tenderly. I didn't expect the furrow of his brows as his eyes darted from mine to my lips, almost in a silent question.

Please.

As the earth stood still, gravity nonexistent, Noah laid his lips to mine, kissing me softly, slowly. Everything around us blurring and disappearing. My fingers grasped his wrist to keep from slipping away from how light I felt with his lips on mine, gasping into his mouth at the sensation that came roaring to life inside of me.

A match lit in a dark room, flaring with brilliant light. My lips parted with that gasp to let Noah slip his tongue past mine, and then fight for dominance until eventually, he won.

He tasted fucking heavenly and when a low growl crawled from the back of his throat; I knew Noah thought the same for me.

"Fuck," I rushed out suddenly, sitting up from his lap in a start. "Oh my god, I am so sorry."

Noah raised his tattoo hand and gently cupped my cheek, his thumb grazing over my kiss-swollen lips. "Fuck, no I'm sorry angel. I shouldn't have."

He leaned in close so he could whisper his apology into the air and all noise ceased to exist. There was this tension thick between us and suddenly, I was afraid that with what happened, things would get awkward between us. But Noah broke out in a light laughter one that eased the erratic beat of my heart. I soon followed, both of us laughing away the tension.

"Nick let me bring the Super Nintendo. Want to play a few rounds?" Noah smirked.

I scoffed playfully. "Your ass is grass and I'm going to mow it."

Noah, who was still chuckling and out of breath, stood from the bed to get the game set up. "Whatever you say, angel."

Some people might think laughing and going to playing a video game right after an intense kiss like that was not normal but for Noah and I, none of this was normal. I appreciated he could tell the tension was too thick I couldn't catch my breath, so he immediately made the atmosphere breathable again, the only way he knew how, with blushing cheeks, familiar scars, and electric hearts. 

[honeygrahambitch]

Hannibal is humming softly while sitting at his piano. From time to time he scribbles something on his sheets, replacing a musical note or adding a few more.

Will is eying him from the sofa, trying to anchor his whole self to that one image which is beautifully happening in front of his eyes.

Three weeks exactly had passed since they had jumped off the cliff. Their wounds were slowly healing. Even the wounds they didn't know they had were starting to ache less.

Will was happy Hannibal had finally built up the energy to play the piano. It wasn't a big one and some chords couldn't be properly tuned anymore but to Will it made no difference. Out of the two of them, Hannibal's condition had been worse. A few broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder and a bad cold which had turned into pneumonia. His coughs hadn't allowed any of them to rest.

Will is wearing one of Hannibal's sweaters. The fabric is soft against his stiffened body which is slowly communicating him to brace for the worst.

He had tried his best to hide his sudden panic attacks from Hannibal. After all, he had been in the worst possible shape, Will's whines would have been futile to both of them.

Will guessed the panic attacks had started because of the post-traumatic stress caused by their fall. They had almost drowned. He had almost lost Hannibal after just gaining him back.

No. These thoughts were exactly the wormhole he shouldn't fall into. Most of them happen during the night so hiding them is not hard but now he feels his whole body impossible to move off the sofa.

Hannibal's song suddenly stops which only sends Will into more spiraling. He feels lost for a second. He wants to dissociate and just disappear for a few minutes.

"Will?"

"Yeah?" He replies while trying to mask his despair.

"Are you alright?"

"Absolutely." He says and realizes instantly how forced it sounds as the cold sweat is only sending him further away.

Hannibal gets up from the piano and sits on the floor right next to the sofa. Will knows he can't fool him.

"For how long has this been going on?"

"A while."

His voice quivers.

"But I'm fine, it's not-"

He realizes his whole body is shaking only when Hannibal takes his right hand into his. His skin is warm against his cold sweaty hand.

"Will, I am here. And I need you to be sincere. Are you more comfortable with going through this on your own or do you want me here?"

Will swallows as hot tears threaten to spill out. He is frustrated at his own inability to just calm himself. He had no reason to go through that. He almost misses Hannibal's question as it rings somewhere at the back of his mind.

He appreciates the way he is always careful about his personal space. He never intends to invade Will's intimacy more than he allows him to.

"Stay here." He says and Hannibal tightens his grip on his hand.

"Will you let me hold you?" Hannibal asks, his eyes consumed by concern. His Will is slowly fading away and he wants to help. He hopes Will would allow him to help.

Will nods. He needs to ground himself. He needs an anchor. And Hannibal knows he would never ask for cuddles. He climbs on the sofa next to him and wraps his arms around Will's body, putting as much pressure as he can.

One of his hands brushes away Will's wet curls as Will's head is resting on his shoulder. Will is unaware of the way his own arms are desperately holding onto Hannibal as if he is his lifeboat.

"I can't breath." He says as he can't feel the air in his lungs anymore. He feels his chest heavy, filled by the ice cold water of the ocean.

Hannibal cups his face and their foreheads meet. "Breath with me. I am right here. I am real."

Will nods. With his last bits of energy, he leans in and their lips meet eagerly. Hannibal is a bit hesitant as he doesn't want to push Will into anything when he is in that kind of state but at the same time he knows that it will help him ground himself.

It was not their first kiss. The previous weeks have given them plenty of time to explore each other. But it was certainly one of their most different kisses.

He feels Hannibal's hand gripping the back of his head and pushing him more into himself. Will melts into him as his mind is no longer spiraling over the appearent lack of air.

When he moans it's because of the relief and because of the way his body is slowly relaxing. It feels as if he finally dropped a brick he had been carrying.

When he pulls his head back, it feels as if he had run ten miles.

"Don't you dare leave." Will whispers and Hannibal knows he is not talking only about that very moment.

"I could never, dearest." He says as he leans in to kiss Will's forehead. "I don't want you to go through this on your own again."

"You weren't doing great either. I didn't want you to worry."

"It looks like neither of us was doing great. That didn't stop you from watching over me during every night while I was sick." He says softly. "Let me watch over you, Will."

For the first time in his life, Will accepts. He wants and needs Hannibal to watch over him. He needs his golden gaze, his warm hands and his silky voice. He needs his touch and his words.

He needs his love.

[cowgirlcherrie]

Novocaine pt. 1 ━━ ゜゜・．

pairing: College! Abby x friend!crush!fem! reader

prompt: F is for friday’s, but its also for Frats and Fucked up parties, its even worse when the night out doesn’t go as planned choosing to numb emotions with alcohol and weed

warnings: 18+, MDNI, intoxication, partying, alcohol, drunk reader, mean-ish! comedic relief! Ellie, cheating, smoking, weed. almost kissing, heavy cursing, touching, Abby has a toxic girlfriend, substance abuse-ishhh (its only Abby smoking to forget, Reader drinking to also forget), jealousy, angsty

song: novacane by frank ocean

any words highlighted blue in the fic are the lyrics to the song, this fic is based off of the song roughlyy,

a/n: This…. honestly biting my fist at the tension between Abby and the reader, but this is my favorite thing i’ve ever written, I love the dynamic between the reader n Abby where you can feel they are playing it safe even though they want to, based off of novacane by frank ocean which helped me to write this (do listen), but I hope you all enjoy this, thank you for the support on my work so far I appreciate it so so much, sit back n enjoy ♡

I blame it on the model broad with the Hollywood smile...

It was Friday, and as always Fridays were for the frat opens and free alcohol. Now at first, you weren’t considering going, opting to instead stay at your dorm instead and watch movies until your eyes hung low and couldn’t bare to stay open anymore. But of course, Abby dragged you out to join her and her girlfriend at the party. You were rather frustrated, but Abby was just one person you couldn’t say no to. Yet the fired heart of yours was destroyed at the sight of seeing Abby with a girlfriend. Maybe it was the fact that it wasn’t you to be able to see the raw and authentic parts of her, but rather the campus wanna-bee model broad who dipped her energy into too many people. Abby played it off that she was just friendly, but all you could see was CHEATER above her head in bold red letters. Her smile wasn’t sweet but rather devious and manipulative. According to Ellie, the girl was going to school for dentistry, but adapted to a side hustle of sugar daddies to pay off her tuition. You couldn’t blame the girl, but it seemed like Abby didn’t know what the girl did when the lights were off.

She said she wanna be a dentist really badly

She's in school paying for tuition doing porn in the Valley

At least you working…

So here you were, pushing through the busy crowd of drunk young adults, grinding against each other under the changing LEDS to the beat of the music and a cup filled with awful jungle juice from the keg. Pulling the cup up to your lips to take a sip of the alcohol mix, wincing at the cold beverage going down your throat leaving a burning sensation in your chest. It wasn’t good but it helped you get drunk to survive the next 4 hours at the party. One cup became two...which became 3 and eventually 4. Somewhere into the night, you lost Abby, who somehow knew everyone there, who somehow lost her girlfriend in the fit of people. Last time you saw the couple they were arguing in a corner, Abby’s face scrunching in irritation as her arms crossed her chest, rolling her eyes at her girlfriend. Her partner touched up and down Abby’s arm, pleading with the girl about something. But from the look of It, Abby was denying it, shaking her head at the girl. The couple had been always arguing, it seemed their honeymoon stage was short-lived as their rocky foundation came cracking down and now their arguments and make-up sex ruled the relationship. 

Now you were lost, not even sure if Abby was still here or if she decided to call Ellie to come pick her up and take her home. Suddenly you needed air, the sweaty bodies making your clothes feel a lot damp in comparison to how they felt when you first went in. You were going up the stairs from the basement holding tightly to your cup as you passed people who were headed towards your direction, at the stairs, were pushing and shoving. Entering the kitchen area which was, of course, filled with more bodies and a specific face catching your eye.

Abby’s girlfriend, stood there in all her glory, flashing her friends a billion dollar smile while hanging off of the arm of some frat member, kissing the guy as his arms were all over her. The crowd around them cheering in surprise. Your heart sank, where was Abby? This was not good, making your heart beat fast, watching as the two leaned in to kiss each other…again, now in a full make-out next to the alcohol table. Your eyes went wide, causing you to turn tightly on your heals bolting for the door. Making your way out of the house in a hurry, it didn’t help that you were drunk and your heart was now beating in your ears replacing the deep bass of the music. Converse at one with the black-top pavement, your right hand resting against the side of the house as you stumbled to the front lawn, between the gate and driveway. You were almost there when swiftly your body collided with a hard chest letting out a grunt as their hands wrapped around your waist, to shield you from falling.

“Y/n?” You knew that voice, it was Abby’s, you finally found the girl after looking for her for half of your night. Her hands were still at your waist, slightly squeezing it, with her nails digging into the side of your smooth skin to get you out of the trance you were in. Abby was really touchy, especially when it came to you, you don’t know why she did it but you tried not to take it too literally. Get your head out of the gutter, you would think. You panicked gripping her arms when she finally pulled you away from her chest to get a good look at you, scanning your body to see if something happened by how hard you were breathing and how fast you were moving.

You put me on a feeling I never had, never had, never had (never)…

“You look like you seen a ghost…shit, what’s wrong” Abby questioned. You parted your lips to say something making eye contact with Abby, but you quickly looked away, dropping your head as your lips closed again and nothing came out.

“Have you seen my girlfriend?” Abby questioned, your heart aching at the question. Abby mind-as-well take a knife to your heart and stabbed you with it. You weren’t gonna lie to her, you couldn’t but you knew the reaction Abby would have as soon as the words left your mouth. Abby didn’t like the look you were giving her, you look guilty, almost regretful, the same look you give when you answer something wrong or did something you definitely shouldn’t have.

I think I started somethin' , I got what I wanted, Did-didn't, I

“…Abby,” you dragged, your voice at the same tone as doctors when they prepare to give you the worst possible news of your life, and with that you started shaking your head. All you could do is lowly point to the kitchen as Abby’s eyes followed the direction you were pointing to,  the soft gaze she usually gives you instantly developed to one that was cold and avoidant. Abby didn’t speak further, rubbing her fingers at the side of your waist for a second, as if she had been thinking about what to say or what to do, her hands were delicate with you and almost soothing, but your body felt cold as she let go and walked right past you and into the house.

You let out a breathe you didn’t know you had been holding, cursing to your self as you pushed yourself into the wall with your hands on your knees. The bile forming at the back of your throat making you drop the red solo cup. Luckily for you, throwing up was not an option in that moment and you gave your self a minute to go walk to the road. As you make your way to the curb, sitting yourself on the gravel as you tucked your head down on your arms that were resting on your knees, rocking swiftly to ease you from chucking out everything you had drunk in the last hour.

You were in a daze failing to notice the jingling keys coming from behind you as an arm came down to touch your back making you jump. Head up and looking around in bewilderment. 

“Hey, it’s just me..” Abby whispered, her soft voice contrasting with the loudness of the house behind the two of you. It’s not that you felt bad for Abby, well you did, but instead it was the jungle juice you had not mixing well with your empty stomach. You tucked your head back into your arms. Abby knew you were drunk out of your mind, the way your words slurred or the rambles coming from your mouth before finding that her girlfriend was truly up to know good like everyone said she was. 

“Um thank—“ Abby cut herself off kneeling to sit next to you on the curb, before trying to make her statement again.

“I’m not the type to say it, and you know that but..um, thank you,” Abby muttered, looking at you fully this time as she closed the distance between the two of you on the curb, her hip touching yours as her hand continued to rub circles in your back. This time you could smell the pine cologne radiating off of her and her body heat keeping you warm in the night chill. 

“What..hmph, what are you thanking me for Abby?” You groaned, your voice soft, feeling a bit of nervousness start to take over your form, you refused to look at Abby from your current position, rather finding your arms way more interesting in the current moment.

“Thanks for not lying to me..I guess, I don’t know” Abby let out a swift nervous laugh. You felt her body vibrate as she laughed before she cleared her throat again.

“No, I'm serious this time——“ 

“Thank me one more time and I’m gonna kill you,” You mumbled, voice monotone, causing Abby to laugh again. This time her hand snaked up your back, sending a shiver down your spine, causing your body to jolt making Abby smirk from her position. Her gentle yet roughened hands moved to your cheek to move hair out of your face and behind your ear. 

“Mm..you know what, she didn’t deserve you” you confessed, making Abby freeze. You weren’t sure where this sudden liquid courage came from, hell you couldn’t think straight. Now you were just saying things, but you always thought it, and it was true. She didn’t deserve Abby, or how much Abby sacrificed to be with her, almost damaging her reputation. 

“I know,” Abby put in, shutting her lips tightly, her face shifting to more stoic as her she put her tongue to her cheek before smacking her lips. 

“Do you..?” You slurred, hiccuping as you spoke now looking up to finally look at Abby. She looked so pretty under the moonlight, her hair in its usual braid as she wore a simple black tee with her pretty chain sitting across her neck. Untouched. Your eyes met hers, low yet full of adoration and admiration, and your eyes flickered to her lips. You didn’t know what you were doing, it was as if someone had been taking control over your body. 

novocaine, baby I want you...

“I don’think you do” your voice came out below a whisper, taking your hand up to play with the chain around her neck as she leaned in closer to you, she could smell the alcohol on your breath and you could smell the cologne that didn’t seem to go away. It was almost as if you had put a spell on her, your presence numbing the heartbreak she experienced just a few minutes ago. You were numbing the pain for her.

just one taste, a little taste, she wanted you to love her numb

love me now, when I'm gone love me numb...

“n'you do?” Abby questioned, bringing her hand up to grip your face, as the two of you were practically on top of each other, her lips hovering over yours but before she could lay a gentle kiss, the two of you were interrupted by loud music coming from down the street. Making the two of you jump apart, opening the gap between the two of you on the curb. The car’s brakes screeched stopping in front of the two of you at the curb, it was Ellie. Of course. You gave Abby one last final look, but she had been too distracted by Ellie’s sudden appearance to give one back.

“I’m seriously gonna start fucking charging y’all, I’m not a damn uber” Ellie groaned, turning down the music so that the two of you could hear her. 

“Hurry the fuck up! Let’s go!” Ellie sassed, hitting the side of her door, as her arm hanged out the window. Abby only shook her head at her best friend, standing up then looking back in your direction and grabbing your arm to pull you up. 

“I owe you!” Abby shouted at Ellie who only mocked the girl as a response, Abby dragged you by your arm to the backseat of the car, almost like you were a rag doll. Opening the door swiftly with her freehand before giving you one last look.

“Get in baby,” Abby lectured, guiding you in with her hand on your back. You complied, climbing into Ellie’s back seat sitting up firmly as Abby closed the door behind you after making sure your feet were tucked in. As soon as the door shut you fell over in Ellie’s backseat with a groan. The loud smell of weed, and the rap music coming through the speakers made you feel like you were back at the basement of the party.

“Throw up in my backseat and your washing my whole car, oh!— and with your bare hands y/n I’m not playing with you” Ellie shouted which only earned a groan from you in response,

“Whyyy are you yelling,” you whined as your hands went up to cover your face.

“The fuck did you drink?” Ellie drew her face back in confusion at your attitude before turning the music up a little bit louder. Abby was now in the passenger seat fiddling with her phone, occasionally checking on you in the back, which you had now passed out. The windows cracked just enough for fresh air as Ellie drove back to your dorm complex. The car was completely silent as Ellie handed Abby a pre-rolled blunt and her lighter from the glove compartment. Abby silently thanked, feeding into the temptation and putting the blunt to her lips. releasing the smoke as she tilted her head back into the headrest. If she was gonna be fucked up, she might as well have been high. Sending a: “we’re over, for good. Get your shit and go bitch” text to her girlfriend— well ex-girlfriend with ease. Abby turned her head to look at you who was still sleeping in the back, letting out soft snores that could be heard through the music as your hair blocked your face.  

but, girl, I can't feel my face, what are we smokin' anyway...

“Fuck…” Abby cried out 

“Dude, turn that down she’s sleeping” Abby snapped reaching her hand for the volume button making the music at a moderately low volume, it didn’t help that Ellie was playing Marvin’s Room by Drake that made her want to bash her head into the window. Ellie was preparing to argue, but chose not to realizing the shitty night the two of you were having. 

“You know I’ve never seen her drink this much” Ellie sighed. You were like a little sister to her and she wondered what it was that drove you to keep drowning yourself in cups. Abby hummed bringing the blunt up to her lips realizing she hasn’t either 

“Same,” Abby blurted out as she detached the blunt from her lips really thinking about the situation as a whole. Abby felt paralyzed almost numb in the seat, especially when her ex-girlfriend now crossed her mind, her heart went cold, and she couldn't feel a thing. “—well I lost her, halfway through the night, she probably started drinking because she was alone” Abby confessed feeling guilty that she didn’t stick up under you all night which probably would have resulted in the both of you having a better night. 

“You mean to tell me…you were so pussy whipped you failed to see that, that girl” Ellie pointed at you, “Was missing from behind you” Ellie finished throwing her hands in the air for a quick second before reattaching them to the wheel. Abby sighed in response realizing how shitty she looked in this situation, and you already didn’t want to come which made her feel bad in the first place. 

“When are you gonna start being honest with yourself Abby?” Ellie sneered as her eyes were focused on the road.

“About what?”

“About what?” 

“The truth is you like y/n” Ellie revealed turning her head slightly to see Abby’s reaction. Abby paused at Ellie’s words. Well yes, she liked you, anyone would like you! The way your hair flowed as you walked, the way you laughed, or the way your nose scru— fuck. She really did like you. Abby gave Ellie a look putting out the empty blunt in her hand, and stuffing the lighter back in the glove compartment. Abby was now burning holes in the side of Ellie’s head. 

now I'm something like the chemist on campus, but there's no drug's around, quite like what I found in you

“Pft..no” Abby hesitated to answer, rubbing off what she said. While you were her friend, she was always going to look out for you because no one could do an efficient job of doing so. Yet she felt that she could. Abby scratched her neck, muting her phone that had been blowing up with a text from her ex-girlfriend cursing her out. 

“I’m calling you bluff” Ellie speculated, shaking her head as her hands gripped the wheel even more. Abby parted her lips to rebuttal Ellie’s statement but was cut off when Ellie suddenly began to lecture her. 

“For one second I’m telling you to think that just maybe what you thought you wanted with— whatever the fuck her name is, wasn’t genuine, but you felt as though you wanted y/n the whole time yet you thought you couldn’t have her”

Well, shit. Call Ellie a tarot reader for the way she had read Abby for filth as if she had been stalking her every move. If this was a game of chess, Abby would be losing miserably while Ellie was on the road to victory. But Abby didn’t wanna give Ellie the satisfaction of being right. Abby suddenly remembered your sleeping figure in the backseat rubbing her eyes at the current state of the situation. Her throat groggy and itchy from the blunt she smoked wasn’t helping either. 

“Are we seriously having this conversation right now, mind you— with her in the car?” Abby inquired, nodding her head at you in the backseat, her jaw clenching and she smacked her teeth giving Ellie a glare from her position in the car.

“Fuck yeah, we are because the ignorance you fuckin' have of your reality is pissing me off” Ellie spat, narrowing her eyes. She was riling Abby up, good. Ellie wanted Abby to see the mistake she made by not being upfront with her feelings like Ellie had been encouraging her to do before she even got with her girlfriend. Abby’s nostrils flared as she continued to listen to Ellie’s words. 

“All I’m saying is, look at what you wanted and always wanted, and then look at what you settled for” Ellie cleared her throat focusing back on the road ignoring the intensive, disbelief look Abby had been giving her. Abby bought one hand up to her lips, deciding not to fight Ellie’s words. Abby did like you more than a friend, but it scared her. The possibility of you saying “no” and rejecting her, haunts her more than she realized. Maybe she did try to replace you with someone who couldn’t even compete with you, lowering her own standards to a false sense of home and security. Her ex-girlfriend could never give her the same feelings that you had given her without a single touch, and Abby knew that.

“What felt real to you, Abby?”

I can't feel, feel her, novocaine for the pain, for the pain...

[amoreva]

If possible, could you write (reader x luke castellan) inspired by the song The way I loved you by Taylor?

FIRST LOVE

—– ٠ ✤ ٠ —–· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • · —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —–

pairing: past luke castellan x reader, apollo’s son x reader

summary: you loved your boyfriend, truly, you do. but you can’t help but remember the way you loved Luke. your first love always hurts the most.

warnings: angst, leading on, regret, post tlt

a/n: i don’t listen to taylor swift that much so i hope i did this justice! and yes, i took inspiration from fleabag for the luke and reader scene

—– ٠ ✤ ٠ —–· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • · —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —–

You grabbed your tote bag, filled with items essential for a picnic in the strawberry field. Hiking up your long white skirt, you travel down the steps of your cabin to be met with a smile worth a thousand suns.

“Ready?” Sam asked. He took the tote bag from your grasp to carry it.

“Mhm.” You hummed, paired with a smile.

Sam grasped your hand gently as you walk through camp to the strawberry fields. A mandatory picnic, according to you, after training day after day after day.

Sam had this look on his face. His eyes twinkled in admiration and love. Scarred hand against yours. You found the scar on the palm and back of his hand quite interesting. “How was your morning?” He asked politely.

”Tiring. You would not believe my half-siblings. They—” You went off on a tangent. You always did. Sam seemed to hang on to your every word.

You met Sam at one of the many bonfires the Camp had at the end of the day. The fire was burning a bright purple, climbing over 10 feet. It reflected the joyous energy of the campers.

It had been a month since Percy completed his quest, since Luke left camp.

Sam sat next to you, thinking his jokes and subtle timid charm would win you over. And it did. You found it quite cute.

Sam was perfect in every way. He’d walk you from your cabin (or anywhere for that matter) to the dining hall. He made a bracelet for you with your favorite colors after indirectly learning your favorite colors. He says everything you need to hear. It’s like he was created to be the perfect boyfriend.

But it doesn’t entirely distract you from your past relationship with Luke Castellan.

Albeit messy, your time with Luke was exhilarating. Luke and you would fight and scream about your problems. It wasn’t perfect nor all sunshine and rainbows most of the time, but Luke and you made sure to let the other know you loved them.

No matter the circumstances or the many silent treatments.

Because you can’t have a healthy relationship without problems, right?

You were clueless on the love department. Luke was your first boyfriend and you hardly felt experienced enough now that you were with Sam.

(“Hey, what was that?” Luke asked, concerned. The water shimmering like they were diamonds. Campers from Hermes and various other cabins were swimming. The counselors were the life guards, switching duties in shifts. Currently it was you and Luke.

“What?” You responded, dazed. Slowly, you turn your head to look at Luke.

You were in your head. Luke knew that. “Where’s you just go?” He knew it too well that he pushed and pushed for answers causing and argument. He just wants to help.

You faded from the living world again, stuck in your head. Yet, water splashed on your leg snapped you out. “What?”

“You just went somewhere.” Luke stated firmly and placed a hand on your shoulder. You cursed yourself in your head. Luke was able to read you well, too well.

“I went no where.” You denied.

“You can tell me anything, y’know.” Luke reassured.

“I know.” Your attention was back on the swimming campers. Luke’s hands fell on top of yours.

“So tell me, what’s bothering you.”

“Nothing.”

“Something.”

“Nothing”

“Something.”

“It’s nothing, for fucks sake, Castellan”

“It’s better to get it off your chest, babe.”

“Just—just, drop it. I went no where. Nothing is bothering me.” You felt your temper rise. The back and forth irritating you. This was how it always ended. His concern caused your irritation which eventually ended in either of you walking away to blow off steam. Only to make it up later.)

“And you would not believe it! Kayla and Will had to kick so many campers out because they whined about small cuts. It was all to see our new half-sister!” Sam gestured with his words with you.

“Mhm.” You smiled and nod your head, hoping he didn’t notice you zoning out.

Sam just stares at you, admiration in his eyes. Thankfully, he didn’t notice you zoning out. He just smiles and squeezes your hand. Your heart stung with guilt. Reminiscing about the past when your future was right beside you.

The two of you spent the last hour on a hill overlooking the strawberry fields. The sun was high in the sky, but it wasn’t overbearing nor did it make you sweaty and gross.

You can practically hear Luke’s laugh fading, as if he was right next to you. What was it that Silena and Drew said?

That you could never get over your first love. That they are hard to forget because they the past lover leaves a searing feeling in your mind. That they are your first love.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

And it’s not like you were using Sam to get over Luke, no. You loved Sam, truly, but you were still wrung up over Luke. Sam was everything you could ask for in a guy, but Luke—Luke was the first. He was perfect to you in his own way.

Sure, there were arguments and silent treatments and pettiness, but Luke and you never broke up, it wasn’t a toxic relationship. Not at all.

The conch for lunch blew throughout camp. You wondered what was conjured up in the camp kitchen today. Sam and you packed the blanket back into the bag (he carried the tote bag, no matter how girly it may be).

Hand in hand, you and Sam travel through the strawberry fields to the pavilion for lunch. A comfortable silence stirring between the two of you.

You look up at Sam and move to kiss his cheek. A gesture of reassurance for him and yourself, one to remind you that you loved him along with Luke.

The way you loved is difficult. The way you loved is unpredictable. You know though, you know for certain that no matter how many loves you have, Luke is your first.

Damn him for betraying Camp, for siding with Kronos. Damn your first love for cursing your heart with memories upon memories of him.

—– ٠ ✤ ٠ —–· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • · —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —–

[batcadillac]

Agnar and Valerian (@fairyghoulfrnd ) with Vinur.

More of their story under the cut.

Agnar and Valerian have a small cabin by the woods, the big quintessence ghoul is pretty sensitive to the sounds and energies around him, having lived his live constantly on guard, which makes him a very light sleeper.

Sleeping in the abbey itself would be unbearable for him, hence he took it upon himself to create a space of his own in the nearby forest.

After years of being om his own, only having Vinur by his side, Agnar didn't put much though into decorating the place, making it cosy enough to make it feel a little more homey.

After finding Valerian buried in the ground, the sweet earth ghoul quickly moves in, even before their relationship... his room given away already a long time ago, only a small box with some personal belongings stuffed away somewhere in storage...Agnar invited him in.

The Quintessence ghoul's place, that was at first a little bland, fills up quickly with plants and flowers...bringing life into his home...just like Valerian did.

.....

They have a song together, which I think fits perfectly as well. (Thanks Than for finding it)

The Air That I Breathe by The Hollies

If I could make a wish

I think I'd pass

Can't think of anythin' I need

No cigarettes, no sleep, no light, no sound

Nothing to eat, no books to read

Making love with you

Has left me peaceful, warm, and tired

What more could I ask

There's nothing left to be desired

Peace came upon me and it leaves me weak

So sleep, silent angel

Go to sleep

Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe

And to love you

All I need is the air that I breathe

Yes, to love you

All I need is the air that I breathe

[darhknight]

X-Men 97 Reaction

Reacting to Episode 7. Bright Eyes

• WARNING •

Spoliers under the cut. Do not read unless you seen the episode or don't care about spoilers. I warned you.

The gravestone and speech from Nightcrawler broke my heart

"He say it was just in the cards" my heartstrings

Every gambler has a tell. Modesty was Gambit's.

Not Jubliee crying. Someone give her a hug

Dad Wolverine to the rescue

Jubliee is right tho. Where the crap is Rogue?

Found her

Love how Nightcrawler knew Rogue was f*cking stuff up. Like that's a good brother.

HULK NAME DROP

General Ross? Sir she might kill you be nice

CAP'S SHIELD. CAP'S SHIELD

STEVEN ROGERS BOIIIIIIIS

Love how Rogue was like five seconds from fighting Steve and Steve was like 'nah let me just show you what I found and maybe we can work together once I get the ok.'

she said no

then she proceeded to throw his shield into the mountains somewhere

Big Boss Energy

A resort ... mmm Kay. Who's paying his bill guys?

Kick his butt. Kick his butt. Kick his butt

Annnnnd we are back to the other X-men

Is that BEAST'S GIRLFRIEND THE LOVELY CARLY OR CARY I CANT SPELL HER NAME THE REPORTER LADY

Love how the same mutants show up everytime in the background

Not the statue heads of Magneto and Charles 😢

Jubliee convincing Reberto to tell his parents. I'm so proud of him. 👏

BEAST IS ANGRY 😡

A little Jean and Scott moment. Good for them they need it.

Why am I not surprised EMMA FROST is the first survivor they find

Also sorry Scott. We know you love Jean and Madelyn. (That's not how her names spelt my bad)

Back to Rogue

Nightcrawler being a good brother

Him KNOWING ABOUT HER AND MAGNETO

No she's crying.

Their all there for her. I'm so happy

IS THAT BASTION?!

EVIL NASTY MAN. EVIL NASTY MAN

HE Killed Him. He killed Gyrich.

I skipped over Jubliee and Roberto. My bad.

Love how his mom knew

Shes like honey if your weren't a mutant I be concerned

'It was your secret to tell.'

'Spriters anyone?' Like ma'am. You just made a reference to him maybe not seeing Jubliee anymore and your offering drinks?

Back to the other X-men

Forgot to mention how much I enjoyed watching Trask tell them the truth

Also Morph being like 'He created the master mold let's like not trust him.' Aka he's evillll. 😈

Sleeping GAS

(Notice as I was typing this that I have the scenes backwards. Whoops)

Is it me or do those robots kinda look like ultron?

Trask really be losing his mind right now. I actually feel bad for him.

Love how Trask is ratting out Sinister tho

Like he took one look at what Sinsiter did and went NOPE. Gonna go rat him out to the group of mutants I have been trying to kill since season one of the original show.

ROGUE DROPPING HIM

GIRRRRRRRL

SHE DEADLY

'Is this what we are now?' A great question Morph. The answer is ... complicated.

HUMAN SENTINEL!!

Dude he knocked Rogue OUT

Love the little Nightcrawler saving Rogue moment. Thank you creators for my fill of sweet siblings.

Morph getting hurt and Wolverine yelling his name

I ship it

You GET YOUR HAND OFF SCOTT

Never in my life have I liked Cyclops but this show has changed me

SO GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SON

CABLE. CABLE. CABLE.

Jean reading his mind to figure it out

'Let's skip the reunion dad.' I'm dying

My son is meeting his son guys. Their meeting!

BASTION IS BACK

EVIL HUMAN SENTINEL CYBORG.

NASTY MAN

Oh Sinister is here too I guess.

rip the human race. Bastion gonna turn them all into sentinels. bet.

THEY KNOW ABOUT XAVIER

OH NO

XAVIER YOU DONE MESSED UP

That Song. I don't know if I hate it or love it.

MAGNETO!

ERIK MAGNUS LESNHARR

MY HUSBAND?!

BASTION YOU GET YOUR NASTY HANDS OFF MY MAGNETIC HUSBAND

I don't care if he has facial hair you don't touch him

Also love how Magneto has the mutant collar AND tape over his mouth

Plus cuffs around his hands sticking him to the chair

Like I understand the collar and the chair but like the tape?

This man is the master of magnetism not screaming really loud

Also you be in the middle of nowhere

Who's gonna hear him?

But once again

GET YOUR HANDS AND THAT BLADE AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND YOU D*CK

'Just obey. Just listen. You were made for this.'

Leave Erik alone.

• Maybe a few unfavorable opinions •

Erik is a holocaust victim. And jewish/german. Was treated like crap and Bastion is out here telling him that he was made to obey to be Bastion's plaything?

That he was made to be a Slave

cause I don't know if you all got that vibe from that scene but I definitely did

Especially if you know ANYTHING about Bastion

The guy makes Red Skull look sane

Bro I hope Rogue finds you and tears you a new one

Or Charles.

Or any of the X-men for that matter

Actually in my honest opinion it probably be Wolverine. Like I'm gonna call it right now. If Charles doesn't find Magento telepathically. Five bucks says somehow Wolverine does.

Or Bastion turns Magento into a sentinel

Actually don't do that

Please

Leave my somewhat questionable but trying his best to play nice with humans master of magnetism husband alone.

He deserves better

They all do

Expect Sinister.

He can die in a ditch for all I care

And Bastion ... sadly

For plot reasons we gotta sacrifice Bastion

Sorry bud

Gonna say also that Cable might have to go back in time cause I don't feel like they are going to keep Gambit dead.

But that's just me.

Thanks for reading my ranting

[gerogerigaogaigar]

This is it! My last batch of reviews. This time my boyfriend supplied six albums. He is more of a singles and eps kinda guy so the album choices are kinda...

The Front Bottoms - Going Grey

The Front Bottoms have existed in my periphery for a little while now. I'll hear a song now and then but I've never sat down and listened to an album. Going Grey exists somewhere in between 10s indie folk and 00s pop punk/emo. The lyrics are solidly unsophisticated without being stupid. A love letter to immaturity. It is clearly the work of someone looking back on their younger self and fondly roasting them. The music really supports this by primarily utilizing the tendencies of immature 00s pop punk and pretentious 10s indie folk. The contrast makes the tongue in cheek nature of the music clear without ever having to signal too overtly to the listener.

Blink-182 - California

So I actually kinda like Blink-182. I think their music from the 90s is a pure and raw expression of suburban alienation. Plus Travis Barker is an unbelievably good drummer. Unfortunately this album is from 2016. Ok it's not all bad actually. Tom DeLonge has been replaced by Alkaline Trio frontman Matt Skiba and he lends a bit of that emo sound to the album which isn't really much of a jump. Barker is still capable of breakneck drum fills. And a lot of the songs have the energy of their 90s output. There is a lingering feeling though that these men are in their 40s and still singing about being teenagers. Please stop. But between big misses like Kings Of The Weekend and Teenage Satellites are songs that remind me why I liked this band in the first place. The Only Thing That Matters is a major standout track for having the rawness and speed that made me love them back in their Dude Ranch Days. California is a mixed bag, but it's honestly a lot better than you'd expect out of a 2016 Blink-182 album.

Fall Out Boy - Mania

What the fuck happened to this band? From Under The Cork Tree is one of the best albums of the 00s full of witty lyricism and catchy music. Mania is an Imagine Dragons album. Fall Out Boy have become soulless trend chasers who don't even really care about the music they make. It's generically "epic" with vapid lyrics that don't communicate anything. Someone needs to euthanize these idiots before they go making more music.

Rezz - A Certain Kind Of Magic

Rezz is a lesser known DJ and electronic music producer that more people need to listen to. She has an incredibly chaotic style that mixes dubstep, brostep, electro house, and hip hop. And if that sounds a lot like Skrillex to you don't worry. While Rezz has a lot in common with her obnoxious brostep predecessor she is also capable of composing music that isn't just nonstop sensory overload. The peaks and valleys are what make her music so engaging, a very energetic segment can easily turn right into a lower bass driven dubstep sequence. The bass is crunchy with smoother mids and high ends and there are a good number of samples. A Certain Kind Of Magic also inexplicably ends on basically an emo song which catches me off guard every time, but goes to show how a wide range of influences makes for interesting music.

Rainbow Kitten Surprise - RKS

I don't hate this. I'll admit that the whole indie white boy blues aesthetic never clicked with me, and I can point to a number of bands doing this sort of thing that I like better, but I can point to innumerable bands that I like much, much less. RKS is deeply inoffensive music that isn't gonna hold my attention too hard, but it does have a few moments that are truly enjoyable. Particularly when they let down that bombastic sound and let those bubbly clean guitar lines shine.

Kelly Clarkson - Breakaway

I've been given special instructions for this one. I have to sit in the back of a car on my way home from my friend's house while it's raining and then I have to listen to this album and feel bad. I don't have any way to do that.

What is Kelly Clarkson? Being the first American Idol winner puts her in a position where she's primed to be a golden goose for a bunch of executives. As such her options for artistic integrity are severely limited to the commercially profitable. On Breakaway Clarkson split from the Idol management to craft an album that dated to explore outside the mainstream pop landscape. The results are embarrassing.

Obviously she was never going to make good music. I would be an idiot to try and give an American Idol contestant the benefit of the doubt in regards to their artistic sincerity. Her voice is a hollow void of emotion. The lyrics are paint by number. The music shows the outline of an emotion. Kelly Clarkson is the shadow on the wall of Plato's cave. Her fans incapable of comprehending that this is just a pale imitation of real music.

So I ask again. What is Kelly Clarkson? The answer seems obvious now. Kelly Clarkson is a name that once belonged to a human being and now is the property of record companies. The name is attached to records and the records are expected to sell based on the name. The human being that once shared the name Kelly Clarkson is a shadow. Kelly Clarkson is a music career. Kelly Clarkson is the avatar of the American Idol social experiment. Kelly Clarkson is a cipher. There is no such thing as Kelly Clarkson, there is only the music. But the music is also a shadow. There is nothing here. A shadow cast by a shadow. You cannot find the artistic merit in this music any more than you can get blood from a stone.

[shiningdesignersreflections]

Chapter 3: Memory and Hope

Narrated by Leo.

Narrator: One evening, it was raining outside.

Narrator: I saw Lord Ian gather a stack of music sheets from a drawer, pick up his bow, and proceed to play a sentimental tune.

Narrator: Attracted by the sound of the cello, Hoare stood silently behind Lord Ian, enthralled by the music.

Narrator: The old man was so absorbed in playing that he did not realize the boy was standing there until the song had finished.

Narrator: Hoare's eyes were resting on the musical score, as if he could understand it.

Lord Ian: Do you like the song? Would you like to try playing?

Narrator: Master stood up and passed the cello to Hoare.

Narrator: Hoare sat down on the chair, picked up the bow with his right hand.

Narrator: And held the neck in his left, and proceeded to play it note for note.

Narrator: I remember that night clearly, the sound of the cello filling the villa, like a dream riding on the wings of a memory.

Narrator: The empty birdcage beside the sofa had been decorated with roses made from silk.

Narrator: Much to my surprise, that summer, the birdcage also welcomed its first guest in many years.

Narrator: Finally, the rain stopped and the sunshine warmed the earth for the first time in days.

Narrator: Hoare had put aside his crutches and was able to walk unsupported again, albeit slowly.

Narrator: Under a tree, beside the house, he found an injured baby bird.

Narrator: After so many days of rain, the bird was completely soaked through, as the boy had been when he had first arrived.

Narrator: I found some herbs and bandages which Hoare used to bind the bird's injuries.

Narrator: The antique birdcage became its temporary home.

Narrator: Hoare didn't act like a regular child around the bird, petting it or trying to get it to sing.

Narrator: He fed the bird every day, changed its water, and watched over it very carefully.

Narrator: Like he was wishing it got better so that it could leave the cage.

Narrator: Perhaps the care he showed it was somehow a reflection of the care he needed himself.

Narrator: Day by day, the bird regained its strength. Fluffy down sprouted all over it. Hoare's ankle also regained its strength.

Narrator: The look in the boy's eyes seemed to say that it was time to go.

Narrator: It was a solitary flash of hope, in those serious eyes.

Narrator: I had seen that deep, troubled look somewhere else.

Narrator: That's right... when Lord Ian looked at the boy.

Narrator: A look of hidden expectation.

Narrator: I cut two roses by the terrace and put them into a vase in the drawing room.

Narrator: Summer was coming to an end, and these were the last two roses of the season.

Narrator: The baby bird in the cage had fully recovered and was hopping around, full of energy, flapping its wings, eager to fly.

Narrator: Just like the boy who tended to it.

Narrator: Hoare had remained at the villa all summer, and his foot was as good as new.

Narrator: He came down the stairs, wearing the clothes he arrived in and carrying his bag.

Narrator: Lord Ian got up from his seat on the sofa.

Lord Ian: It looks like you are ready to leave... Child, do you want me to tell you about this photo?

Narrator: I didn't know what made Lord Ian bring up the subject of that photo.

Narrator: Hoare stopped. There was a shift in the mists behind his eyes. Something about the photo pulled at him.

Lord Ian: Well, the young man in the photo is me. Like you, I come from the capital of Pigeon Kingdom.

Narrator: Lord Ian let out a quiet sigh.

Narrator: Hoare looked unmoved, as if he had guessed that much of the story long ago.

Narrator: I was astonished. So, the boy was from Pigeon Kingdom? But how did Master know he was from the capital?

Narrator: The old man gazed at the young couple in the picture for a long time.

Lord Ian: You are no stranger to such tragedy, are you, boy?

Narrator: The shadows covering Hoare's face were impenetrable.

Narrator: In that moment, he seemed lost in a memory... silent and still, as if struggling to control something deep within.

Narrator: Master looked into Hoare's eyes.

Lord Ian: Perhaps you are someone who thinks the world needs to change, child?

Choose either "Why did he ask that?" or "What a serious question."

If "why," ...

You: Why do you suppose he asked him that?

Narrator: These days I thought Master saw something special in him. That's why he spared no effort in caring for the boy.

If "serious," ...

You: Isn't that a very serious question to ask a ten-year-old boy?

Narrator: I thought the boy was no ordinary one. Perhaps that was why Master spared no effort in caring for him.

--

Narrator: I looked over at Hoare. There was a great disturbance behind his eyes, like a flash of ice-blue fire.

Narrator: He did not respond to Lord Ian's question, but picked up the birdcage, threw his bag over his shoulder, and walked out.

Narrator: I recalled the expectation in his eyes as he looked after the bird. Perhaps he had been waiting for this moment for a long time.

Narrator: But the sanctuary Lord Ian had provided followed the boy out into the world.

Lord Ian: It is time for the bird to return to the woods.

Narrator: Lord Ian watched the boy as he walked away.

Lord Ian: Who knows? Maybe one day he will return.

Narrator: Master said, turning to me.

Narrator: The roses on the table gave off the last fragrance of summer.

Narrator: The empty birdcage had been left at the threshold... where the boy had first stood all those months ago.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

[corderis]

( my heart to you is given, oh do give yours to me! ( a little late! ) | @tidecrux )

" hey... " he starts , and it's as if his sentence wanders off when he speaks and he's forced to reign it in from its travels , " i know . it's boring . " protecting himself again , but he knows she'd never harm him , " but i got you something . " and he pulls seashell necklace , strung together with a makeshift string , from his pants pocket , and dangles it before her . he thinks of lacing it around her neck and then watching as she plays with each shell he hand picked from the beach , and a certain coyness thrums in his chest , " i could put it on you . if you want . "

she was excited, though she tried to keep it internal. the last thing she wanted to do was give off too much energy & risk scaring him away ( her heart told her the risk was small, but doubt still crept into her mind, so she kept herself as still as she could–––– her wringing hands the only obvious outward sign of her lack of composure ). she wanted to jump at the sight of him, to plead with him not to keep her in suspense, to tease & poke & prod. but, instead, all she gave was a bright smile & a cheery, ❛ hey! ❜ in return.

there was something about the moment–––– standing just across from him on the beach, their home, with the sun casting the sky in a series of beautiful sunset colors & the sound of the waves in her ear as her heart thrummed a song in her chest–––– that she so desperately wanted to commit to memory. she never wanted to forget any detail & did her best to take it all in, to reminisce a daydream about long after they had retreated home & the sun had dipped below the horizon.

his comment didn't go unnoticed, & kairi paused him in his presentation to ensure that she said what she needed. ❛ it's not boring. ❜ she wished she could take his hands, but he was already reaching into his pocket, & she wouldn't impede him more. she settled for keeping her eyes on him & she hoped that he could see her sincerity ( her hope, her love ) reflected back at him. ❛ you could give me a handful of sand from this very beach & i'd treasure it! ❜ although, perhaps, with how often they left home with so little keepsakes, that was a terrible example of a bad gift.

any thoughts of bad gifts were wiped from her mind in an instant. the breath left her in a gasp as he finally revealed what he'd gotten her. she recognized the handmade details immediately. her eyes moved over the string of shells, woven with time & patience, of that she had no doubt. her hand rose to hover by it, but she didn't touch it, as if she was afraid she might ruin it if she wasn't gentle enough.

❛ oh, riku... ❜ & for a moment, that was all she could say. she couldn't quite find the words to explain how the gift had touched her heart. how was she meant to find the words to explain that she was honored he had thought of her at all, let alone went through all the effort of such a gift? what words were supposed to tell him how happy she was? ❛ it's beautiful! ❜ it wasn't enough, but it was all that she could muster.

she leapt at his offer without hesitation, nodding her head before he had the chance to rethink it. ❛ yes, please! ❜ & to further her response, she turned without prompting, gathering up her hair to free the space around her neck. she knew, without asking that he didn't expect her to remove the other one. their designs were different enough to keep out of each other's way, & she would wear both with pride.

& then riku–––– riku, who she knew could command a battlefield & bring the fiercest of foes to their knees–––– began tying up the necklace with a gentleness that filled her heart with joy, knowing it was rserved for special moments like these. away from this island, somewhere out among the stars, kairi knew people had said amazing things about her: call her a princess, talk about her heart of light, her role as a guardian, her position in connection of people's hearts. she'd heard it all. but there, right then, was one of the few occasions she felt truly royal. like a princess–––– she had to be something special enough to be worthy of his affection.

❛ thank you. ❜

her tone was sincere & grateful, if a bit quiet, & she knew he'd heard her even without looking. finally, the task was done, & she turned to look at him, smile bright & unimpeded.

❛ well? how does it look! ❜

[dreamsculptor]

It hasn't been quite a year, but I looked back here and saw my last pinned post, and thought I might make another.

I was reading over my last pinned post and it's funny how much better things have gotten since then. I don't have the same job, I work somewhere else now, and it shows me how much better things can be. I was holding my head above the water with the last team I worked with, but now I have coworkers and managers that care about and support me.

Last time, I mentioned that my birthday had passed, and that just a small few friends came by for a little while but had to leave. I was happy for it but this year was so much better and it was what I had hoped for last year.

I had most of the same, I just invited my coworkers and friends to come hang out, have cake and food and such. A bunch of my coworkers came by and stayed well until 10 or 11 at night before everyone started heading home, and it was so much fun, and so fulfilling. It took 24 years but I finally have what I wished for all along: people that I can physically be with, that I have some kind of tangible love with. Life is full of hits-and-misses and attempted connections and bitter failures, but eventually you do get your chance. It was all worth it in the end.

I finished FFXIV, too, which is fun! Now I'm part of the crowd waiting with bated breath for the next expansion, but now that I have finished it, I find myself needing new ways to fill the time that used to be playing FF. I've picked up, played, and even finished some handful of games; Palworld, Vintage Story, a bit of Transistor, and the ever-beloved Sims. And in every game I play I find myself delightfully driven to create and write and join in on the world.

I managed to find and join a company in FFXIV that's focused on roleplay, and I've been having a lot of fun with Sye, but I've also created Takumi now too! They've got all their bits and pieces in motion, but aside from that, I also reached out to and joined an RP-focused Vintage Story server. It's been a lot of fun finally getting to indulge these things that I wanted to do for so long, but tried and failed so many times.

I've also been befriending my company mates, many of whom also love to write and draw and otherwise create. I got to read the draft of the first chapter of my friend's book; I am proofreading and editing for another one of them; and yet another has given me a link to their old D&D information for me to go read. I've made new friends, in and out of FFXIV, and even they have tons of amazing art and writing to share. Even in other games, like Vintage Story, I'm playing with friends and forming towns where we actually work together and delegate specific tasks to people who want to do them. It feels like all of the joys I experienced as a kid are finally being re-ignited in the best way possible.

I haven't written too much - if you don't count roleplay posts - but I have been indulging the ~egotistical~ love of my own voice. It's been fun making pseudo-audiobooks of the fics I've written and singing all of the songs that I love and getting to talk and laugh with my company mates and other friends.

All in all, I think I can say I'm happy with where my life is right now. I'll leave this with a pristine verse from Kristoff Krane this time:

Making love, making friends, no doubt I make a difference There's positive and negative effects of my decisions And although my dreams are selfish, I hope you can relate May my attempts at being honest resurrect the fact I'm fake

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Instead of albums, this time, I leave you with songs:

Passing Through - Kaden MacKay Thank You Energy - Kristoff Krane Doing My Thing - Kristoff Krane Knocking on Wood - Spose Okay - Atmosphere

[hollowfaith]

[ indigo ]  when did you first start writing / roleplaying?

[ plum ]  are you more of a dialogue or a description writer?

[ mulberry ]  what tips would you give someone with writer's block?

[ coral ]  give a shoutout to one of your favorite blogs.

🐝  *  ―  𝑪𝑶𝑳𝑶𝑼𝑹𝑭𝑼𝑳 𝑰𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑽𝑰𝑬𝑾. ( send one or more of these to get to know the person behind the blog a little better. )

(these are going to get long so i'll put a readmore to spare the dashboard lol)

[ indigo ]  when did you first start writing / roleplaying?

for writing (stories) i'd say in early middle school when i realized fanfiction was a thing. before that i just did a lot of journaling, or i'd finish a trip with family and write a long essay about everything we did on the trip. anyways when the fanfic itch hit i wrote obsessively and even titled my story journals as i finished them so i could keep them in chronological order. (like i had one named after spring, another for summer, fall, winter, etc. and then a series named after favorite gemstones x flowers). i think i filled 40+ notebooks of various sizes by high school? they're still somewhere in the basement at my parents' place probably.

then i found ff.net and realized people posted their stuff online so i tried that a bit, and when ff.net started getting dated i moved onto ao3. i don't have as much energy or drive to write the crazy crossover AUs i used to do but it's still nice to post there, or make up original short stories for fun. anyways TL;DR i'm always writing something somewhere sometime~

for RP i wanna say...early 2000s? back when forum RPs were a thing. and i don't mean the fancy kind they have now where you can custom-theme your posts, but just plain message boards where you started a topic to make "threads" and replies to that thread made up your interactions, and the rest of the board was divided up so you had locations in one place and character profiles in another, etc etc. they were everywhere and constantly opening and shutting down so i went everywhere too, lol. also signed up for this digimon PbEM RP group where they had a plotline and an all-original crest lineup but you had to make up your own digidestined and digimon and apply to join. then we'd RP on a word doc and email it to the next person in the group to get the story going. it was sooo old school but it was genuinely fun. i also applied to join a livejournal MFRP group but got rejected because my app wasn't good enough hahaha that got me a little scarred so i hid away from MFRP for awhile

(also a special bonus to the time my friends and i RPed as neopets faeries in a composition book we'd pass around in school between periods.)

for tumblr RP i think it was like 2014 or 2015 after a RP hiatus? the messageboards were dead or dying by then and heck if i was going to learn livejournal and its weird system so i joined some ancient chinese themed MFRP group with a similar chinese drama-inspired muse but that shut down within a month so i wandered around until i found a bigger more active group and stuck around there. and now i'm on and off here. :)

[ plum ]  are you more of a dialogue or a description writer?

when it comes to RP, i think i lean more towards description because i need to give context to my muse's lines. but for stories i'm more dialogue heavy, and i enjoy writing exchanges back and forth between characters.

[ mulberry ]  what tips would you give someone with writer's block?

i don't know if i'm the best person to ask but when i'm stuck on writer's block i work on a different...writing project..... you know they all have different vibes and stuff so a change of scenery gives the mind a break and stuff? it's good.

and it works because i still wanna write, i just don't want to write for Thing A so why not Thing B lol.

it also helps to find a focus, most of my writing block woes come because i don't know where/what to do next, so maybe i find a song, a pretty quote, or an icon that gives me the right "vibes" for what i want to express and think up the rest of the post from that.

it also helps to have a smaller goal to work towards even if you don't know how the ending will turn out. for example, if in a thread my A is interacting with your B and i think to myself "well according to what i've read in B's app he'd prolly hate A and think him a prick, so it'd be interesting if A gets a chance to showcase his prick side in this thread eventually," then i'd insert stuff into my replies to gradually make A more annoying and play off what B replies to work towards that "goal."

of course since RP is directed by both sides those mini-goals sometimes get sidetracked, but then it's fun to see in what new direction we take the interaction instead haha

[ coral ]  give a shoutout to one of your favorite blogs.

i can’t stress enough how helpful quotes/musings blogs are for like aesthetics or muse inspirations for me and the nice thing is most of them are still around even if they haven’t updated in years so HERE HAVE THIS POST WITH LINKS TO A BUNCH MORE GREAT MUSINGS POSTS BLOGS

[continuing-studies]

Go to Asia with your family: Today was a good day

Since departing with a baby and a toddler on a three month journey far away from home, a lot of people have been asking my partner and me what it's like to do all this traveling with two small kids. It's not just our friends asking. We've often gotten the same questions from people we've met while we're out and about wearing our kids on our bodies, carrying all their stuff, and doing whatever we've decided to do that day.

Like most aspects of having children, traveling with them is.... different. For a start, as two working people, neither of us is used to spending the whole day with our kids. As troubling as this may sound, that was actually what I was the most worried about before the trip. In Berlin we rely heavily on daycare to store positive parenting energy that can then be discharged in the afternoons and evenings when we see our daughter for the first time in 7 hours.

Turns out, spending every day together has mostly been really fun (phew). Looking after a 2 1/2 year-old and her baby brother all day is still a lot of work. The thing is, the hard parts really aren't that much different whether we're at home or somewhere else in the world. So while each day for us still typically includes its fair share of little kid problems, we've still been enjoying a lot of what travel typically has to offer. If you are the type of person who likes the experience of traveling (we both are, not everyone is and that's okay too!), doing it with your kids is just another thing about your life that changes when you have them.

This next post talks about the experience coming to terms with that realization while on a beautiful island in Thailand. Be sure to read until the end for the true story of what happened at the end of one of our beach days last month. I think it sums everything up quite nicely.

Sunday 12 February 2023

Koh Lanta

The great sage Ice Cube dedicated one of the most famous hip hop songs in history to the importance of appreciating when one has had a truly good day.  A lesson to live by — especially when one’s days consist of looking after small children and all of their attendant hopes, dreams, and physical needs.

Going on a beach vacation with kids has necessitated coming to a new understanding of the word “relaxation”.  To begin with, Zara and I aren’t really used to taking trips where the goal is do nothing.  Before kids, it was common for us to fill a weekend or 5 day or 10 day trip with as many highlights as we could comfortably (and sometimes not-so-comfortably) see during the time available.  Maya slowed us down a bit, but not that much if we are being honest.  On the trips we've taken since she was born, we were consistently going on some adventure or another almost every other day.  Partly out of circumstance, both of our trips back to the US with only one child have featured significant to-ing and fro-ing, as we try to pack in as much time with family and friends and other special people as possible.  And the first month of this trip was like the Pakistan version of those visits to the US.

So as much as we were looking forward by the end of January to the promise of our month on this very relaxing island, I think it took us a few days to really come down.  The same may well have been true for Maya and Camino.  What I can say is that few things feel less conventionally relaxing to an adult than feeling irritable while cajoling a misbehaving toddler through a succession of beautiful and interesting places where you can’t stop thinking about how you really should be having a better time.  For all the heroes out there who cast dirty looks at parents struggling to manage their kids in public situations, I can guarantee that no one is having a worse time than the parent who is the object of such foolish and undiscerning scorn.  

After a few days of feeling this frustrating dynamic repeat itself (minus the dirty looks — people here are nice), I think a few things happened.  First, I asked myself if I really wanted to be the person I was seeing myself become.  Toddlers need boundaries, but at the same time I knew that we had to find an outlet for Maya’s physical energy that would be more fun than getting annoyed over and over at her frequent testing of limits.  Second, I think we had to discover a good routine here.  We started doing some "yoga" on the beach in the morning, which involved some actual yoga and a lot of redirected toddler energy, but overall it set a good tone for the day.  Hanging out at the beach and doing yoga were two things that I was looking forward to about being on this island before we came here.  Each day spent without doing yoga and without enough beach time therefore made me feel as if I was missing out, further fueling my cycle of being a grumpy papa on vacation.  

Finally, I think it dawned on Zara and me that we had to accept the pace of this trip for what it is.  I spent the first few days here feeling various additional levels of FOMO from looking around at all the interesting places to see on this island that would be either impractical or impossible to explore with our children at their current age.  The best way to get around Koh Lanta is via motorbike, which plenty of families do but is not really something that we have a desire to try.  We needed to acknowledge that against all of our previous traveling impulses, we would have to be okay with not doing as much on this trip and just be a little bit more strategic about what we do want to see. 

Which brings me back to Ice Cube.  Since adjusting our expectations of what we will manage to see and do while we’re here, we’ve discovered more of the charms of Khong Klong than ever.  On Friday (maybe it was Friday?) we decided that our big adventure would be to walk slightly further down the beach to a slightly different beach bar with slightly different loungers and hammocks, affordably priced food and drinks, and all of the other key features of just about every beach bar in Koh Lanta.  Zara had spotted this one a few days earlier after yoga and noted that the abundance of umbrellas would make it a good place to try if we wanted to go for a full day at the beach.  So we left in the morning with all of our beach stuff in hand, and a plan to stay out as long as we were all still having a good time.  I brought Maya’s backpack so she would have a place to take her nap in the middle of the afternoon. We prepared as many things for both Maya and Camino as we could possibly think of.  And I gotta say it was a good day!

Maya is a lot of fun right now at the beach.  She’s really into her sand toys, and loves filling the bucket with anything from sand to rocks to water to, naturally, a combination of all three.  She also really likes going into the water with us, and so far it’s been a good place to teach her about some important boundaries.  It would be interesting if there were any scientific information on how many times various guidelines about safety must be repeated to a child between the ages of 2 and 4 for them to reliably internalize it.  But it’s been cute and reassuring to hear the way that Maya, who is repeating everything right now, repeats lessons like “watch out for rocks in the water!” and “only with mama and papa in the water!” to herself even when I am not putting her on the spot.  In all, the combination of perfect sea temperatures and Maya’s general willingness to take safety guidance has made going into the ocean together a great experience that we can share.  When I’m lucky, after we’ve been in the water for a while Maya will go play with her sand toys on her own and I can submerge my entire body in the waist-high shallows of the water while watching her from a distance.  I keep hearing that parenting does get easier.

We went on like this for the entirety of Friday (?) afternoon - me getting into the water with Maya, us playing in the sand together, me washing off again in the ocean and relaxing while she busies herself with sand, us going into the water together again, walking back eventually to Zara after I’ve had enough and then letting them repeat the process together after a while.  We had managed to score a great home base on two loungers underneath an overhang, where we were fully shaded until the sun started to dip over the western-facing sea in the mid-afternoon and gradually chased us back.  All day we ordered a succession of fruit shakes and pad Thai and had a nice view of the comings and goings of this interesting beach.  Camino, for his part, seemed to have an enjoyable day lying in the shade while playing with sensory toys and getting his bare body cooled off with water every hour or so.  He got to go in the ocean a couple of times too.  Like his sister, he seems to really enjoy water.

That night I brought Maya back from the beach far past her bedtime, carrying both her and the backpack (why?) and also pushing our stroller.  Zara had gone home earlier with Camino, wearing him home in the wrap after he’d had some trouble going to sleep.  Maya and I had stayed late at the place we had wandered to for dinner, running around with Nola and Juno and the nice Swedish-American kids that we met on the beach earlier that same day.  By the time we walked up the hill to Pinky it was almost 21:30 and I was tired physically from carrying Maya and the stuff home for almost 20 minutes, but lifted by the adrenaline of a day where almost everything went right.  We read books and had a nice bedtime together. 

The next morning we continued our beach routine and had another really lovely time under the shade of a banyan tree at Meeting Point, the closest beach spot to us at the opposite end of Klong Khong.  In the evening, we went back to the beach to get some barbecued tuna.  We let Maya roam naked on the beach for awhile as she played with her toys.  We ate at a table in the sand.

At some point I stood up and saw what looked to be a small brown turd.  I immediately thought the worst, but Zara confidently reassured me that it was not from Maya.  She pointed toward the three dogs from one of the beach bars that were running around.  Both of our stress levels were starting to rise with the sound of Camino fussing from again being overtired.  It must have been one of the dogs, she insisted.   Zara said she was sure Maya hadn’t pooped on the beach.  I thought it unwise to push back any further.  

Clearly not fully sure of herself, Zara went to ask Maya if she needed to make poo poo.  It was at this point that Maya pointed back in the direction of the turd and Zara’s adamant denial was overridden by the rapid realization that Maya really had pooped on the beach.  She came back and told me the news.  I tried not to gloat about being right.  I was busy soothing Camino, so she was the one who had to use Maya’s toys to clean the turd from the sand.

Parenting.  Sometimes you have a great day and sometimes your kid takes a poo on the beach.  Sometimes, these two things happen in the same 24 hours.

What better metaphor exists for the experience of having small children?

[bisexual-horror-fan]

lets give you some amber self indulgence. for research purposes. all of these questions of course imagine a why at the end of, but don't feel like you have to elaborate.

five colors you think are representative of amber?

what are some symbols that represent her in her mind?

what are her five comfort songs?

what would her perfect bedroom look like?

her favorite scent?

what fills her with the most nostalgia?

what's a moment she wishes she could change but knows it has to be?

if she got three wishes, what would she wish for?

besides being a blorbos, an oc, and all around amazing character, what does she mean to you?

i love you so much and i can't wait to see the answers!

Oh man this is so fucking exciting! What a great ask! I am so excited to go off on this, to just really delve into some interesting questions about Amber! So thanks up top for asking this! Now let’s get into it!  Amber rambles under the cut!

Five colours you think are representative of Amber?

So the first two are obvious, red and green, the same colours as a certain guy’s sweater. Red is so obviously her colour overall, she looks amazing in red, clothes or nails or lipstick, it just suits her so well and green, well Amber has always loved the colour green. Long before him. She would sit in the backyard of her family’s home often, would love to read in her mother’s garden, she loves flowers and trees and plant life of all kinds, green brings calm and it looks fantastic on her too, she comes alive in green. Orange, bright and bold, fiery and the colour of her hair. I also think that a frosty sort of blue one that makes you think of winter fits her, reminds you of her eyes and of the big sky where her office building and apartment building stretches into. And the last one is white, like the blouses she wears to work often, of the bed sheets she regularly gets blood stains out of.

What are some symbols that represent her in her mind?

Things that represent her, hmmm! Let me think, when I think of herrrr. I think of the smell of smoke and whiskey served neat, of pretty but sharp manicures. I think of laughing so hard you snort and of a girl who is one of the nicest people you’ve ever met while drunk in a club bathroom. I think of the sound of heels on concrete and self confidence and high rise apartments. I think of strong coffee and sweet pastries and fashion forward business wear. I think of doing things you shouldn’t, having fun secrets, even if they are only with yourself. 

What are her five comfort songs?

Amber loves musicals, she got the love of them from her mother, one of the few things that they had in common and bonded over, a safe topic for the pair of them to this day. The first musical she was shown was The Wizard Of Oz and corny as it may be, and as much as she doesn’t spread it around, Somewhere Over The Rainbow means a fuck ton to her and really loves that song. Especially when she started to hate her hometown and desperately wanted out, a better place, a place she could be herself finally. She still listens to it sometimes now that she IS in that better place, living how she wants. 

Her favourite song, in her favourite musical is from Chicago, We Both Reached For The Gun, she loves the patter of it, the energy, she thinks it is irreplaceable in the musical theatre canon as a whole. Chicago was the first show she ever saw on an actual Broadway stage and was smitten. Get a few drinks in and ask her about Chicago and you’ll be treated to her going off about her thoughts, feelings, Roxy Hart herself and that Bob Fosse’s choreography needs more credit. 

When that break happened, that long two year break where she was away from Freddy, over that time the song Cry by MIKA was like a pseudo break up song because she didn’t know IF he was ever coming back, if this was it. She cried a lot to that song, poured over it, and now it has taken on a different meaning now that he IS back and everything is fine, it doesn’t hurt to listen to it.

She loves the song Fantasy by Mariah Carrey more than she probably should, listens to it often when getting ready to go out, ever since getting with a certain someone, it has taken on more meaning, clearly. Mostly it is a fun song that makes her feel really good.

Sweet Relief by Kimbra makes her want to dance like nothing else, the amount of times she has worked out on her pole to that song is like, too many to count. If she is feeling down, this is the go-to, the fix her mood song.

What would her perfect bedroom look like?

This is a good one! I think honestly, probably a mix of her current bedroom and the playroom she sees Freddy in. She loves her bedroom’s big windows, the walk-in closet, her vanity, laid out with her jewellery and makeup, the hardwood floors and the reading corner. She loves the bed in the playroom the best, it is like a conversation pit you might see in the 70s but a bed, big, circular, built into the ground, pillows and blankets and impossibly soft, she feels so relaxed there, more so than anywhere else. If she could have the colour scheme of the playroom, lots of shades of red and white, the bed and the other parts of her room she adores, it would be perfect.

Her favourite scent?

She loves this one type of candle that is made at a little shop in her hometown, she stocks up whenever she goes back. The candle is Pink Grapefruit, it is sweet and citrusy and has surprising depth, she loves it.

What fills her with the most nostalgia?

Hearing the music from an ice cream truck. It reminds her of hot sticky summer days, eating sweet treats in the garden and reading, reminds her of rewards she bought herself after tough soccer games and swim practices and meets. It reminds her of the better parts of her childhood, when everything was easy and simpler and she had no complaints about her family or where she lived.

What's a moment she wishes she could change but knows it has to be?

Amber almost got a full swim scholarship in high school. Almost. She missed the meet the scouts were supposed to be at, through no fault of her own, the bus broke down, she was extremely upset about it at the time. She got a loan and went to college on her own terms and as much as she wishes she could have done that meet, and kicked ass and won her scholarship. Looking back on it going to college on her own merit was better, able to focus on herself and not be tied down by any vestiges of her past, there was massive pressure from her family to be a lot of things, a good athlete was one, shirking that when she went to college was definitely better for her in the long run. 

If she got three wishes, what would she wish for?

Now this is a good question. Amber has so much of what she wants already but let’s drill down into this. Number one, she would wish to know if her sister is REALLY happy with her station in life or if she wants a life more like Amber, more freedom, not so tied down. Number two, she would wish for the uncanny ability to get tickets to whatever she wants, concerts, movies, shows, plays, whatever, she hates ever feeling like she misses out on something. And last, there is this vintage cream Valentino skirt she is obsessed with and feels a hole in her closet without it and would literally kill to have one in her size. 

Okay, okay and the big one! What does Amber mean to me?

So again, I have said that I started The Man Of My Dreams on a whim, I didn’t know what Amber looked like at first, she didn’t have a name until chapter three of the story for fucksake. I figured her out along the way and fell in love with her in a big way, for how she is, what she did for me. TMOMD was the first fic I ever wrote, because of it I found this community and my passion for writing, because of it I met so many wonderful people like you, Bug! And whoever else is reading this. I made amazing friends, have pushed myself a lot creatively, experienced so much happiness and more that I never would have, without this funky little red-headed porn protagonist. And as much as I say that, we all know she is more than that, a lot, lot more than that.

Amber means a lot to me because well she is the kind of person I think I am and continually strive to be! Someone who is enthusiastic, funny, unapologetic, thoroughly herself and full of love and self confidence, kindness and willing to help others and of course, unflinching and unashamed in her sexuality and body. Being able to write a character like her and have so many people just love her, see her, identify with her or call her things like sweet or warm, it means so much! I love that I wrote a bunch of porn with some feelings and people fell for her. It makes me feel good, like I did something really right, I am glad she can be so much for so many people because she is so much in so many ways to me. 

How she views and feels about sex is very similar to myself as well and this is just reminding me I need to do a big post talking about that already, maybe soon!

Thank you again so much for this Bug, I loved thinking so hard about this and going in so hard on it! Hope you like the Amber rambling. I love you!

[staceymcgillicuddy]

i am soflty asking for 7, 13, & 15

Ooh! Thank you! I've had a double paloma to bid farewell to my work trip and I'm waiting on Thai food so I can't promise coherence, but I'm going to do my best.

#7 - 1979 by the Smashing Pumpkins

Shakedown 1979 Cool kids never have the time On a live wire right up off the street You and I should meet June bug skipping like a stone With the headlights pointed at the dawn We were sure we'd never see an end to it all

This one makes me think about Soul Eddie and Chrissy, with the "headlights pointed at the dawn" line. I picture long, quiet mornings in the truck, where Eddie's got a rhythm going on the steering wheel and Chrissy's reading, and they don't necessarily need to talk, but sometimes they share a sentence or two. They know each other and their rhythms too well now to have to fill up every second with polite conversation, and they can be quiet together.

#13 - Loveology by Regina Spektor

Oh, an incurable humanist you are

So, this line just screams Eddie at me. Because I do think that underneath the tough exterior, he is a bit of a humanist--he reads and understands people enough to pick up on what they might need. Like, picking up on Dustin and Mike's need to belong somewhere, even if it wasn't with the popular crowd. I think he's empathetic, and a natural leader, and that he performs "mean and scary" to push away those people who don't get him. And, I think from a Hellcheer perspective, this means he's especially attuned to whatever energy Chrissy is putting out, and he feels fundamentally drawn to help her, even if that help is, you know, giving her drugs. I don't know if that made any sense, but again: double shot Paloma.

#15 - The Passenger by Iggy Pop

Oh, the passenger He rides and he rides He sees things from under glass He looks through his window's eye He sees the things that he knows are his He sees the bright and hollow sky He sees the city asleep at night He sees the stars are out tonight And all of it is yours and mine And all of it is yours and mine So let's ride and ride and ride and ride

...ARE YOU A WIZARD? I don't even know what to say about this one except it's one of the songs I listen to sometimes while editing Soul so I guess it's safe to say I see that version of Eddie and Chrissy all over this song and I want to smush their faces together but I'm not ALLOWED TO YET because I'm writing a SLOW GODDAMN BURN.

(They are gonna kiss, though. They're gonna kiss so hard in a chapter i'm writing very soon and I'm gonna mush. their. faces. That is all. Thank you for this ask, I love it very much. I'm going to go get my Pad Thai now. The end, forever and ever, amen.)