#this took so fucking long help

[vermwerm]

[foxymaxwell]

THE AM KANDI IS REAL

i decided to make this because I ran out of letter “A” beads and I didn’t want to wait to buy more 💀

[clown-owo]

🤨

bonus:

[sea-buns]

captioners you are so valid

[bzil111]

nagito is having a gay flower shop au moment, let him be happy (he's totally looking at tattoo artist hajime rn)

[heartorbit]

the star you've longed for

[clownmfxx]

Ermm,, waiter waiter!!1 more baldi please

[shrimpsprout]

5 hours.

[moongothic]

Okay so realistically speaking, giving birth is an excruciating, painful nightmare, and from the few Crocodad fics I've seen most people seem to prefer to write realistic pregnancy and make Luffy's birth a (physically) painful thing. Because it makes sense, it might be more relatable for some writers that way etc, and that's perfectly fine (like genuinely, it's not an issue at all, this is not a critique or a complaint)

God I don't know how to make this segue- Have any of you watched Ore Monogatari!! (My Love Story)? It's a great early 2010s romantic comedy series, funny as hell, super cute and sweet, would reccomend, but that aside. During the series the protagonist Takeo's mother gets pregnant and she ends up giving birth to Takeo's baby sister. And it's that scene, where Takeo's baby sister is born, that I keep on thinking back to whenever I wonder how Luffy's birth might've gone.

Takeo and his mother alike are Sturdy Motherfuckers. Like absolute gigachads, borderline superhuman, it's great and it's funny as hell. And because of that near superhuman nature... Takeo's mother goes to give birth at 4:15 pm. And she has finished giving birth at 4:16 pm. One fucking minute is what it took for this woman to bring a child into this world. An absolute legend

The screencaps do not do justice to how fucking funny this is in the actual episode

And so like

Like we know Crocodile's been through absolute hell, being an amputee and all. And as Domino told us at the entrance of Impel Down, we also know the man did not even flinch when forced into Impel Down's traditional 200 Celsius cleansing bath (or 392F)

So Crocodile has better pain tolerance than the average person. Like, you might have to put in a bit of effort to cause him actually hurt. So if giving birth to Luffy was an absolute cakewalk for Crocodile, not only would it make perfect sense in-universe and be completely in-character for him, but also

It would be objectively funny as hell

[ohitslen]

They are serving alright

Alternative vers. under

Inspiration:

Ann Demeulemeester Fall 2018 Ready-To-Wear Fashion Show

Alberta Ferretti Fall 2018 Ready-To-Wear-Fashion Show

[whilomm]

billie joe armstrong: "DO YOU KNOW THE ENEMY? DOYAKNO YOUR ENEMY WELL GOTTA KNOW THE ENEMY RAEH"

11 year old me, nodding: "tigerstar"

[maybeitsalivescribbles]

VH - Meet the Wife

Vampire Hero was insufferable. All his foes agreed on that.

So, after Supervillain escaped, the first thing he wanted was revenge. It was easy to locate Hero – it was not like this smug bastard was hiding. Currently, Supervillain was watching him by one of the windows of his home.

It was a nice scene, if a tad melodramatic. Hero was sitting by the bed – and yes, he was kneeling – holding the hand of a pretty woman who didn’t react. Supervillain knew that she wouldn’t. He had made an inquiry about her. She was Hero’s wife, and she'd been cursed.

“It’s a sleeping spell, and it’s not curable for now”, he’d heard from one of Hero’s colleagues. “She’s only awake one or two hours, poor guy. He basically turned good for her sake.”

Supervillain’s reasoning was simple. If you couldn’t attack your foe directly, you went for the weak spot. A hero annoys you, you kill his wife, the hero goes mad with grief, that was a classical story. He had a nice view from the window. She really looked like one of these virginal princesses you see in these old fairy tales books. It was not hard to imagine the girl with her hands clasped, pleading for the life of the innocents until her man relented. Yes, it would be fun to rip her into pieces.

After a while, Hero went off. Breaking into the place after that was easy. Supervillain opened the door, checked a couple of rooms, and smiled. He didn’t have to be careful. Even if the wife would wake up, she looked frail even wrapped in blankets. He tilted his head, looked at her, wondered if that was worth gloating when no one could hear him, then shrugged and stabbed his victim.

“Zdiiiiiiiingbonnng”

Supervillain’s eyebrow went up his hairline. He removed the blankets, leaving the body covered with only a silk gown, and tried again. The result was the same. The dress was damaged, but the blade bounced on the skin. Supervillain squinted.

Two purple eyes slowly blinked and stared at him. A skinny hand brushed over the hole in her dress. The wife yawned.

“Are you the delivery man ?” she asked.

Supervillain straightened up.

“I’ve come to deliver a message to your husband”, he answered. “I will not rest until I’m avenged.”

“Avenged ? You didn’t get a tip ?”

“I’m your husband’s mortal foe.”

She laughed.

“No, you’re not. You’re food.”

She opened her mouth, and Supervillain just had time to see a glint of her razor-sharp teeth before she bit his neck. That didn’t last long. After the first sip, she rejected him with disgust. Her thin arms threw him away much farther than the laws of physics should have permitted. He landed in the middle of the room, and not too softly.

“How dare you,” she said with a voice low enough to make the ground shiver. “You’re not even worth eating. A couple of centuries ago, young man, I wouldn’t even have wanted your head in a spike near my castle.”

Supervillain crawled back in the direction of the main door. She stepped towards him with as much enthusiasm as one would throw the trash out, but she stopped. Her eye had caught a note stuck on the fridge. Supervillain squinted. The note said: “Please don’t kill or maim in the house sweetheart ♡ (because of my job)”

The wife clucked her tongue and sighed, but reluctantly stayed still. Supervillain’s pride got the better of him. He stood up, dusting his cape, squared his shoulders and groaned:

“You have no idea who you’re dealing with. You might be strong, but I’ve wiped out cities. Once the country was nearly in my grasp. It takes talent. It takes guts. It takes more than powers that were given to you on a silver plate.”

“Nearly ?”

She gave him a look of absolute contempt and went back to bed:

“Don’t boast about your failures, little man, and leave me be.”

Incredulous, he watched her getting back to sleep, putting on her face something to shield her eyes from the light. It looked like a mask, and not a normal sleep mask, but a huge, heavy thing that glittered. As a vampire, he supposed she didn’t need to breathe, but still, it didn’t look comfortable. He stepped forward to take a better look. It was in metal all right, and it was a grimacing face of a demon.

His blood ran cold. He already saw that mask. It was depicted on a book he had as a teen, about the dark and evil rulers of the ancient times. “The Iron Death”, said the legend. “The gory story of an evil empress who drowned her captives in the blood of their subjects, and sought to be turned into a vampire so she would keep her empire forever.”

He shook his head in disbelief. It was an old tale, a story from at least a couple of centuries ago. And the Iron Death had been vanquished by a vampire hunter who had...oh.

Who had put her to sleep eternally.

He suddenly felt a drop of sweat on his forehead, but he grunted for good measure:

“Right. Like I’m going to believe that. Where’s your consort, Iron Death? Where’s your cruel prince who tortured for his entertainment?”

“The Hero agency offered him money to look after me if he worked for them”, answered the low voice of the lady. “My poor darling didn’t enjoy the scream of his victims as much as before. He’s changed his hobbies. You do that after a while. But I didn’t. Get out.”

Supervillain ran.

*

Vampire Hero is now a recurring character. His job is to troll current villains. (Yes, I know he technically doesn't appear here, but it still counts.) Check the Vampire Hero Masterlist or Tag for more snippets with him.

[jupio]

grogu is going to be bouncing off the walls with the amount of sweets cobb’s gonna buy for him

a bit late, but happy holidays! especially to @exx-bee , who this piece is for >:)

[shima-draws]

My doctor: Hey yeah that's not normal I don't think it's an issue with your hip

Me: Oh?

My doctor: It's an issue with your spine

Me: OH

[luvoid]

i hate them so much

[alchemist-shizun]

(you may need to click for better quality)

Couldn't get the thought of them in red out of my head and this came out you're all invited to the wedding

art taglist: @lance-alt @sasmeo-bisaster