#this was fun 2 do! my mom used to do ballet n we still go watch some when we have the time

[digital999placebo]

two ko-fi requests in one: ballet dancer Russia n AmeRus. Up n coming ballet starlet Alfred F Jones has a crush on his new trainer: the presitgious former dancer Ivan Braginskij <3 

[krsnbgirl]

Fly High! || Kageyama x Fem!Reader || Part 5.5

Summary: You head to Ukai’s store to have a conversation. He learns about some of your past and what your future goals were before coming to Karasuno. You both also come up with some new ideas that can help during practice. 

Pairing: Kageyama Tobio x Fem!Reader

Genre: Rom-Com, Slice of Life, Sports

Warnings: Ukai smokes a cigarette (?)

Chapter’s Word Count: ~1.4k

Author’s Note: Side chapter to learn a little bit more of your past as a volleyball player and some of your new responsibilites as their manager! It’s just a cute little small thing I decided to write to help with the context of the story. Hope you guys like it! <3 Part 6 should be up by the end of this week! 

Taglist: @misnmatchedsox​ @monviemoo​ @love-beyond-words​

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 5.5 || Part 6 || Masterlist

It was a cool morning when you waved goodbye to your mom and skateboarded towards Sakanoshita. The temperature was just right and with the weekend in full effect, the streets were bustling with families and friends enjoying their time off. You smiled to yourself as you turned the corner and cruised through different alleyways to cut the time from being on the main streets. It felt nice to finally have a clear mind and a set goal for yourself. For the longest time, it was as if the path in front of you was endless. Whenever you thought about volleyball, flashbacks of your last game constantly plagued your mind. But recently, thanks to all your new friends, your mind was filled with all the new memories you were able to make with the sport. Just like how Tanaka and Nishinoya would always fanboy over Shimizu and you would have to be the one to drag them away from her. Moments with your fellow first years: Hinata always coming into your classroom to hang out with you, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima grouping up with you during free periods to go over the class material, and Kageyama constantly asking you for critiques whenever you helped him practice with Hinata. Sugawara would always check in on you to make sure that you were keeping up with school and Daichi would check in to make sure that you were having your meals. Asahi would try his best to help you with carrying the water if Shimizu was busy with Takeda and Ukai, reassuring you that it wasn’t a hassle and that it was his way of hanging out with you during school hours. 

You smiled to yourself and leaned your head back, enjoying the warm sun rays that were beaming down on you. It was a blessing in disguise to be dragged into their world, no your world, once again. You had missed the feeling of the ball in your hands and feeding off of the hunger and determination that radiated off of the players in the gym. The new found warmth you felt whenever you were with them felt like a new beginning for you. And maybe that’s what you’ve been needing for the longest time: a clean slate from your past and a fresh mind to fall in love with the sport all over again. Stretching your arms, you hummed your favorite song and smiled widely when you saw the store’s front right in front of you. 

Skidding to a stop, you kicked your board into your arms before going into the store. You passed by the aisles to try and find Ukai, but he was nowhere to be found. With a shrug, you set your skateboard on top of one of the empty tables and decided to pick out some snacks. 

“Oi Coach! Where are you?” you asked as you skimmed the shelves of chips in front of you. 

“In the back! I’ll be right out, kid!” he yelled back. 

“Osu~” you replied back and grabbed your favorite bag of chips before heading towards the refrigerated section in the front. 

As you grabbed a cold bottle of Ramune, Ukai emerged from the back room and ruffled your hair. 

“Thanks for coming out kid, I know this isn’t your ideal way of spending your weekend, but I needed your help with the boys.” he said as he grabbed his notebook and pen from behind the counter. 

You smiled and waved it off. “It’s fine, coach. I’m glad I can help.” 

The two of you sat down at the table and you set your skateboard on the floor. You leaned against the back of the chair and crossed one leg over the other as he mirrors your actions with his arms cross against his chest. 

“(L/N) (F/N). Chidoriyama’s infamous female wing spiker and pinch server. Currently on hiatus due to a torn ACL.”

You chuckled and raised an eyebrow at the older man. “Yes, that is I.” 

“How did you get into volleyball?” 

“My dad; he used to play during his high school and university days. When I was younger, they wanted to figure out what kind of extracurricular activity to put me in. My mom put me in dance while my dad put me in volleyball. I didn’t like how stuck up the kids in my ballet class were, so I dropped it and just had more fun with volleyball.” 

“And how long have you been playing?” 

You grabbed your chips and opened the bag. Ukai shook his head when you offered him some and you shrugged before answering. 

“Hm...probably since I was like six or seven? My dad started off with just receiving and then when I got good at that, he taught me serving before putting me in weekend classes.” 

“That’s a long time kid, I’ve seen some of your plays recently and I can see you be a lot of help with the team. Well, that is until you’re ready to personally become a part of the girl’s team.” 

“The girl’s team?” you asked more to yourself then towards him as you munched on some of the chips. 

“C’mon, I’m assuming you’ve dreamt about making it big. It’s just a matter of time until your body is back in top shape.” 

“Coach, I barely told you last night that I agreed to be manager. Let’s take it one step at a time, alright?” you laughed and he sheepishly smiled back at you. 

“Yeah, you’re right, sorry I was getting ahead of myself.” Ukai laughed and then cleared his throat. “So what do you think of the boys so far?” 

“Hm…” you started as you tried to gather your thoughts and opened your bottle of Ramune. “I think they’re okay so far. Some of them still need to improve on their receives, Kags and Shoyo still need to improve on their quick combo, and overall the team dynamic needs to improve. We just need to nitpick and note down the smaller aspects of it for their next training camp.” 

“True, that’s what I began to notice as well. We can start off with different drills and solidify on the current struggles for now. Then after the camp we can get down to the finer details.” 

You nodded your head in agreement and said, “Yeah, that sounds like a solid plan for now.” 

He sighed in relief and relaxed in his chair. “Thank god you’re here, kid. It gets stressful sometimes being the only one coming up with plays.” 

You laughed as Ukai’s typical grumpy face relaxed and got up to toss your trash away. “No prob, coach. Glad I can use my expertise again.” 

“Ah, that reminds me, I need you to come up with different plays the boys can try out. I want to add more towards the second year since we’ve been focusing too much more with our starting lineup.” Ukai said as rested his arms behind his neck. 

“You got it coach.” you smiled at him and gave him the ‘okay’ sign. He watched as you picked up your board and motioned towards the door. 

“Well if that’s all you needed…” 

“Ah, wait!” he said while getting up from his seat and went towards the counter. He rummaged around for a paper bag and grabbed the tongs that was hanging off the handle of the heater for his family’s infamous buns. 

“Compensation for coming out today. Your snacks are also on the house.” he cheekily smiled. 

You gasped and smiled excitedly, jogging towards the counter and watched him fill up the bag. 

“What was your next goal if you weren’t injured?” he asked. 

You played with one of the wheels of your board and pursed your lips. “I...was supposed to go to Niyama High with my libero and captain.” 

“Niyama?! Why didn’t you follow through?” 

Silently, you motioned towards your knee as your expression deadpanned. 

“Oh, right.” 

You rolled your eyes and smirked. “C’mon coach, don’t tell me you’re getting old already and having short term memory.” 

He clicked his tongue and whacked you on the head with the rolled up newspaper by the cashier. You laughed and grabbed the bag he slid towards you. 

“You know I’m kidding, but anyways, it’s as cliché as it can be. I needed a fresh start and Yu-nii suggested I go to Karasuno. He’d show me the ropes and I’ll be on my merry way.” 

“Would you ever consider transferring back?” he asked as he lazily sat down on his chair behind the counter and took out a cigarette. 

You immediately shook your head as you made your way towards the door. He lit it up and blew some out, settling into his usual routine at the store. 

“Nah, the team is family now. So that means Karasuno is my home. But don’t tell the boys I told you that.” you smirked before saluting at the older man and exited the store. 

[stuckasmain]

I still don’t think your ready for it, but here’s my Batb Cruise show review:

Yes you read the title completely right, I was made aware of this a day or two ago but apparently one of the Disney Cruises is doing/did beauty and the beast the musical but based upon the live action movie. So naturally a massive fan of the live action I was both shocked and wildly confused, lucky for me I found a video on the entire performance(likely taken from a cruise tv.) from what I skimmed over it looks like instead of full body suits to look like they are it’s going to be regular (human outfits.) and then puppets, so I am Really really interested to see how this goes.

The timing is a little off we skip the prologue (Aria etc.) and start straight in How does a moment last forever... are they placing Belle after it? It was before in the movie. Wait oh my god he’s also narrator- it is the prologue! Pulled a sneaky one on ya.

•Adams dramatic sassy hand movements are my entire life (no dance just this art right here.)

•The enchantress looks straight outa Atlantis but I LOVE the effects used omllll

• MARIE THE BAGUETTES.

•who needs her when you’ve got us (LE DUO OMG- it’s the thing.)

•from what I’m seeing it’s a combination of both the animated and live action, as some lyrics/moments are the animated , like Lefou reverted back to his original sorta idiot phase.

•met HER saw HER *kick* we stan.

•Lefou just waving his bag in the girls face. Legend lmao.

•a LOT more comedy then the movie. When Gaston drops the Boquet Lefou picks it up and smells it and just melts all cute like. My heart?

•”keep moving old legs.”

•Gaston is also a lot more like the animated, more dumbed down for comedic effect.

•so there’s no Philippe so some dudes took her dads wagon. That’s how jumanji started you know smh.

•PUPPETS IM SCREAMING.

Lumire looks like he’s absolutely losing his mind I’m deadddd. Also Cogsworth’s wig is my entire life.

• ok so the beasts voice- he sounds like a Pirate I’m crying “ee stole me rose matey.”

•belle straight up using the stick like a musket

•OML SO I NOW SEE THE EYES ON THE PUPPET AND IM LOSING MY DAMN MIND.

•storage space! Storage space! For all of Lumiere’s shoes! His shoes yes he had a feel large collection of shoes- he rather likes Heels-

Cogsworth.

What?

Stop talking.

•while my love massages my tight caves.

I’ll massage your caves Gaston!

Who has no one snatched you up yet? (He didn’t say girl :0)

•everyones awed and inspired by au

Gaston placing a hand to his chest.

•Gaston kissing his own portait, no bimbettes Lefou sings their line, no Tom , Dick or stanley that I can see either

•they all start russian dancing instead of the stopping/sword fight. Weird flex but ok.

Now the girls are... is that the cancan?

•Fun cult activity’s with friends

•lefou dreamily gasping over gaston along with the women.

•WHERED THE UKALELE COME FROM?!

• they kept my favorite line :)

•So Gaston has the French flag now? Also Maurice runs in automatically? Damn there goes pacing i guess- like aren’t they supposed to be together for at least awhile before going after her jeez

•why’s every single woman in this show use a super high pitched cutesy voice “YeAaA!” Is the audience one year olds and dogs???

•Gaston was a captain :0 Damn high rank.

•or a Budae *laughing* *distant roar* *s c r e a m *

•Madame de Garderobe has me screaming lmaoooo

•Mrs.Potts was a governess? Wack.

•ok so I cant describe the noise i made

L: OH YES! Darling

P: high pitched giggling.

The stage is still black and I can’t breathe-

They were definitely- whatever the equivalent would be of making out

•This plan is uh Dangerous~

I’m-I’m gay for the featherduster. This is not allowed. THEY ARE SO CUTE I CANNOT FUNCTION.

*more adorable couple giggling*

Cogsworth coughing

•food fashion show.. I cannot... I can’t function.

•Lumiere being dramatic:

Coggsworth: if i had hands, I’d slap you.

•*Whispers*Skin.

That’s- that’s not creepy at all lmao.

C’Est LA SALADE I CANT BREATHE WHATS HAPPENING.

•you lost me 2 verses ago now there’s cheese

•no one:

Plumette giggling and calling out everything:

•HOW IS MADAME DOWNSTAIRS IM SO CONFUSED

•OWWWWWWWWEWWWWWWWWWWW.

That hurts.

•ok so Mrs. Potts being a governess in this version now makes sense as she’s the one to start days in the sun instead of the queen/little Adam

•So Candenza is completely gone from this version????? So Lumierè and Plumette get both love lines from the song. Their still busy being cute as hell tho. (Does this imply their also singers? Pretty sure their still just footman/maid.)

•cogsworth now has Mrs.Potts lines but his voice is great.

•instead of soup it’s tea he I N H A L E and belle looks SO done lmao. Also no library?

•oh jeez yea no library just straight into something there.

•oh so the library is now IN something there, alright.

•Adam just DECKS Lumiere. Idk what that was about lmao - showing he’s nice now by uppercutting a candlestick across the room.

• BELLE:D this dork-

•Hes making jokes now.

•SWORDS. FIGHTING.

•”we love you.” But... everyone is still all-

Ok so either Mrs.Potts is a massive liar or they don’t count

•the dress is low key just as underwhelming as in the film

• Adam is trying *SHOVES CHAMPAGNE IN FACE*

•Plumette keeps running on and off stage idk what that’s about.

•the danceeeee

•Adam keeps talking about his mom

•no evermore ;-; my favorite song and it’s gone for a 5 second day’s in the sun reprise.

I’m wounded.

•belle casually taking a dudes knife to cut them free

•I feel like the mob song is cute down a lot, also Lumiere comes in sliding on his knees. Respect.

•”Gaston help.” Is kinda like nothing now as they have been so comedic. I feel nothing.

•i like the way they executed the final fight (beast/Gaston as servents vs the villages was literally nothing.)

•Lumiere sliding in on his knees again *French accent*YAAAAAAS

•ok so the death scene still hurts me like a truck.

Lumire: guys we did it :)

*literally watches the love of his life, his best friend and other friends die(yes it’s technically death.)*

Everyone steps away from the puppet and turns around, the lighting goes dark I’m - ;-;

•the prince is low key better in the suit the guy playing him is uhhhhhhhh I know the whole point is to look past Appearance but who’s dad is this?

•I’m absolutely SCREAMING. Instead of the dramatic one by one they all pop up together and collectively go :00000 what?! Whoa!

•Lumiere and Plumette low key not even a “hi.” Just kiss and start dancing. Mood.

•Ballet attack part 2 and middle aged prince returns.

•No chip or Madame at the end either! :0

•oh wait here’s chip!

Cogsworth melting in the background is me

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬/𝐏𝗼𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐥𝐬

so as I’ve said it’s like a mash up of the original and the remake with some of the choices it makes, I think it really makes or breaks some of the characters.

Lefou/Gaston-

Both of them fell back more into their Cartoon counterparts of : here to be the bad guy, here to be funny. Both of them become so overly comedic that you wouldn’t be able to tell who’s line was whos if you were shown them without being told. I think , funny as they were it negatively effected their character’s. Same case with the beast he definitely became more comedic if anything at all.

Lumierè/Cogsworth/Plumette-

These guys I think are the opposite. I think having a slight bit more of the animated made both banter and flirting hike it’s way up. Cogsworth and Lumierè were more showy in their banter , while Lumierè and Plumette were much more loud and showy with banter. Also the accents are art. Mrs. Potts was there to be the mother like figure and not given much of herself

Rip to chip who had like 4 lines and didn’t even show up to seconds before curtain. Also Madame de Garderobe who was there to be a good singer and nothing more as she lost her whole arc.Rip to Cadenza, Frou frou , Chapu and Philippe for being written out all together.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬/𝐭𝐡𝗼𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬

As I’ve said the changes either make or break some moments, like adding a overwhelming amount of comedy like the og movie. As funny as it was it did not have that same weight/gravity the remake did in its more serious/emotional scenes like the death/human again scenes I felt little here and Gaston betraying Lefou. As well as having the more serious/soft songs as the remake really backfired with so much comedy, and not even the more Witty subtle humor of the movie. Funny, but odd as character choice

So I know you had to cut it down a lot in order to fit it on stage however, nessisary parts or songs (evermore ;-;) were completely excluded likely do to the slightly unessisary over extension of dance numbers in Gaston(that didn’t need it) and Be our guest. Which could have been time better spent.

The servants are the absolute saving grace of this musical. The costumes! Oh!(again cogsworths wig is my life.) the humor! The acting, the singing, the relationships- all of it- all of it. They carry the entire thing, and if I’m honest it’s mainly Lumierè, Cogsworth and Plumette, occasionally Mrs. Potts if you stretch.

[ravenforce]

Ithaca Pt. 3

Word Count: 4126

Warning/s: None

A/N: Hey loves, sorry it took a while. Writing Natasha comes easy to me. The truth is I finished the first draft of this, weeks ago but something about it just doesn’t sit right with me. I searched for it for weeks but ultimately decided to trash the whole thing and start again. I didn’t mean it to come to 4k words but apparently, it’s fun writing Carol too.

This is the last POV I’m writing for Ithaca. Next chapter we go back to you, dear Reader. I hope you like this, please let me know what you think of it. xx

PS. If there are any grammatical mistakes I’ve still overlooked, I apologize.

Parts: 1 | 2 | 4 | 5

***

5:00 AM

Carol woke up to the continuous vibration of her phone under her pillow. She let out a quiet groan before reaching under and hitting the snooze button. She knew, even with her sleep-addled brain, that going back to sleep is futile. So, slowly, Carol rolled on her back and opened her eyes to see the glow in the dark stars she and Natasha put up in her ceiling when they were ten. Carol has always been an early riser too, even before she moved to Ithaca.

Carol’s parents are both pilots for the air force. They used to live in the base, and sleeping to the sounds of fighter jets warming up or speeding on a nearby runway made Carol a light sleeper. She tried a handful of times to sleep through all the ruckus but failed. So instead of wasting her time trying to get some more sleep, Carol learned how to used the early start to her advantage. Either she would be found training basic self-defense with her mom at the gym, or she’s out flying with her dad in morning flying drills.

When both her parents died on a mission, Carol was to be put into a foster home before the Danvers’ came and adopted her. Eliza and Jeremiah Danvers both used to work at the base and are close friends with her parents. When they found out Carol’s an orphan, they both decided to come back and talk to Carol if she would like to live with them instead. Carol agreed reluctantly but she found the prospect of being with Eliza and Jeremiah better than being with complete strangers. She was hesitant though because the Danvers already have two children, Alex and Kara.

Carol dreaded moving to Ithaca because she never knew how to interact with other children and suddenly she would be living with not just one but two adolescents. Fortunately for her, Alex and Kara are amazing sisters. Kara’s clumsy, funny, and sweet while Alex is a bit reserved but fiercely loyal and protective of her and Kara. And even though, Kara and Alex both work and live in National City now, she’s still very close to both of them. Carol didn’t think she’d ever recover with the death of her parents but Ithaca gave her not just the Danvers’ but also the Avengers.

Carol smiled at the fake stars on her ceiling as she remembers the first time she met them.

In a small town like Ithaca, everyone seems to know everyone. As the only new face in school, Carol was an easy target for bullies. On her first day in school, an older boy named Yonn shoved Carol off causing her to fall to the side. Thankfully, someone caught her. Carol looked up and saw a petite girl with red hair and the greenest eyes she’s ever laid eyes on, frowning at the boy who shoved her. 

“Apologize to her Yonn,” the redhead said calmly as Carol tries to straighten her school uniform. 

“And why would I do that? She’s in my way, Natasha,” Yonn answered smugly. 

Carol watched silently as the two stared down one another. She focuses more on the girl named Natasha because even though she’s clearly smaller than the boy, she doesn’t seem afraid. 

“Apologize. Now,” Natasha repeated seriously. Her melodic voice clearly held a degree of authority that Yonn and everyone in the vicinity can recognize. 

Yonn sneered before apologizing through his teeth. 

“What was that? Say it again,” Natasha said smiling. Carol, in an instant, was captivated. 

Yonn sneered again before taking a menacing step forward and towards Natasha but a group of young boys stepped between the two. 

“Is there a problem here?” A boy with clean-cut hair and boy-next-door face asked, seizing up Yonn. 

“Natasha?” A handsome boy with long blonde hair asked. 

“Yonn’s just apologizing for shoving my friend, Thor,” Natasha answered without hesitation.

Carol’s heart fluttered wildly in her chest. The boys looked at Carol for a second before turning towards Yonn again.

“Shove her again, and you’ll find yourself kissing the ground she’s standing on,” Thor said seriously.

Carol watched in awe at how these kids can be so intimidating at eight years old.

“I think you broke him, guys. Yonn, nod if you agree,” a boy holding some sort of tech on his hand says before Yonn deftly nodded his head. 

“Now, scram,” a boy with long black hair said, which prompted Yonn out of his trance and power walked to the opposite side of the building. 

When Yonn was out of sight, the hallway seems to have released a collective breath that they’re holding. The girl named Natasha adjusted her school bag before turning towards Carol. Toe-to-toe with Natasha, Carol realized how tiny she is. Carol couldn’t help the small smile on her face. Carol tried not to squirm at how Natasha was looking at her. 

“You appear to be physically fine,” Natasha assessed. “But are you alright?”

“You broke my fall. Thank you, by the way,” Carol said sincerely. Sure, she could take Yonn by herself but Natasha coming to her rescue is still very much appreciated.

“You’re welcome. I’m Natasha,” Natasha introduced herself before extending her hand. Carol didn’t hesitate when she reached out and shook it. Natasha smiled at her again.

“I’m Carol, Carol Danvers.” Then someone coughed behind them, Natasha rolled her eyes. 

“And these are my friends. This is Steve, Thor, Thor’s brother Loki, Clint, and Tony,” Natasha introduced everyone. Carol thanked all of them for stepping up for her. 

“It’s nothing, Yonn is annoying,” Tony said after closing the tech on his hand. 

“And I believe it’s high time, Natasha gets a girl friend,” Loki said, voice teasing. 

Carol understood that Loki meant a female friend but Loki’s teasing got the better of her and she started blushing. Natasha saw this and smirked at her before linking their arms together and tugging Carol to the direction of the cafeteria. 

“Welcome to the Avengers,” Natasha whispered.

Carol blinked back to the present when she saw the light on Natasha’s bedroom flickered from across the street. Today’s the day, Natasha will giving the transfer student the grounds tour. In true Natasha fashion, she’s up even before the sun could come up to make sure she never misses ballet practice. Even though, they’re not extremely close anymore due to conflict of school schedules, and people constantly being adopted to their group, Carol would be caught dead before she let Natasha roam the streets at such an early hour alone. Ironic though because Natasha’s a founding family child, which means she knows the town like the back of her own hand and no one in their right mind would so much as think of touching a hair on her head.

6:00 AM

Carol watched as Mrs. Miller made polite small talk with Natasha before waving her inside the studio. Mrs. Miller then turned to look directly at the huge plant box she knew Carol was hiding behind. Carol stepped out of the shadow before walking towards the guard post. 

“Good morning, Carol,” Mrs. Miller greeted quietly as not to alert Natasha of the blonde’s presence outside. 

“Good morning, ma’am,” Carol whispered back before pulling out a thermos of hot coffee she brewed at home. 

Mrs. Miller has been stationed guard at the studio for almost two decades, and she’s been holding on to Carol’s secret for just as long now. Carol’s popularity is hugely based on her very charming personality but a part of it was from her reputation as a philanderer. As a serial heart breaker, Carol’s not known to be soft, romantic, and never one to get attached to anyone. She’s the hot soccer team captain who gets any girl she likes, and bolt comes the early morning light. No one has ever known Carol to stay the night but Mrs. Miller - basically a stranger - knows something no one does.

“If you’ve only been as tenacious as you have as protecting her,” Mrs. Miller started but Carol cut her off with a soft sigh. 

“There’s no point,” Carol said dejectedly before the clock tower interrupted her.

“Thank you for the coffee, Carol,” Mrs. Miller said sincerely. She knew it’s time for Carol to go. 

“Thank you for looking after us,” Carol answered as solemnly before shouldering her backpack and walking towards the soccer field.

***

Popularity can be blinding, Carol and Natasha thought so a long time ago. So to both stay grounded they both train at their respective choice of activity every other morning, with one as a lookout for the other. Clearly, they both carried on with the tradition but separately. They did it for ten years, and then they don’t. Somewhere between then and now, Carol and Natasha fell off the cracks.

Sure, they still belong to the same group, eats at the same table, hang out at the same places but they both know they lost each other in a more meaningful way. Carol arrived at the field but suddenly she wasn’t in the mood to kick some balls. So, instead, she dropped her bag on the grass and used it as a pillow. The sky is still dark, the sounds of crickets and cicadas are still there if she focuses long enough. Something about Mrs. Miller’s words put Carol in a somber mood.

In the silence of the early morning, Carol closed her eyes and released everything she’s been holding to in a sigh. “I miss you,” she whispered like a prayer to the universe. Without hope or anything that it would be heard by the person, she wanted to say it to. When she opened her eyes, the sky has turned a beautiful shade of light blue.

“Burning the morning oil, Captain,” Valkyrie’s confident voice floated from above her head. Just like that Carol's time is over, just like that Carol’s mask is up again. She sat up, composed herself before turning towards her friend and smiled.

“Good morning to you too, Val,” Carol teased before hauling herself to her feet.

“Crew’s at the Applebee’s for breakfast. Walk with me? Since you’re clearly not practicing anyway.”

Carol let out an adulterated laugh, and Valkyrie, try as she might, she couldn’t help the blush that dusted her perfectly brown skin after hearing that melodic laugh and knowing that she caused it. Of course, Carol noticed but even though she knows that the other woman is attracted to her, Carol had resolved never to engage except for very light flirting. She couldn’t really handle one more complicated friendship, after all.

7:00 AM

Applebee’s was buzzing with the morning rush but when Val and Carol stepped inside the establishment, they can immediately pinpoint the location of their friends by the sheer commanding voice of Thor booming around the restaurant.

“Must you boys be so loud?” Carol teased before flopping down between Maria and Loki.

“Oh, Carol. We’re just relishing a morning without Natasha’s grumpy ass,” Steve answered teasing. Carol frowned, clearly not appreciating the joke.

Maria, ever the intuitive one, looked up from her textbook to look at Carol and offer her an assuring smile, which helped diffuse Carol’s rising foul mood.

“I’ll make sure Nat knows you called her a grumpy ass, Steve,” Wanda mock threatened the jock before joining the table.

Steve gasped before the table erupted in laughter. Every Avenger is popular and badass by their own merit but no one, absolutely no one would ever dare go against or speak ill of Natasha. She’s a force of nature on her own, everyone else is just glitter; at least that’s how Carol thinks so.

Carol tore a piece of bread and threw it on Steve’s face, which earned more giggles. “Oh! You’ll be in trouble, Steven,” Carol teased and grinned before taking a bite off her bagel sandwich.

Steve stuck his tongue out like a child. “Speaking of which, where’s Natasha, anyway?” he asked trying to diffuse the situation off.

“I believe she’s off giving Maria and Tony’s friend, the transfer student, the ground tours,” Thor answered before leaning back on his chair and sipping his tall glass of orange juice.

“Oh!” Steve exclaimed. “That’s today? I can’t wait to meet the girl who bested the Tony Stark on his own company.”

“Haha. Very funny, Steven,” Tony quipped sarcastically without looking up from the tech he’s been fixing all morning.

“I heard she’s pretty,” Loki said, clearly intrigued by the newcomer who he knows will be added in the mix if her reputation as beautiful and genius precedes her.

Wanda hurriedly chewed down her pancakes before clapping her hands in excitement. “She is! I was able to persuade Maria to show me a picture, and man, she’s stunning.”

Carol watched her friends interact quietly and wonder how this new girl would par in terms of getting along and fitting in their own crazy little group. Will she fall with the silent types along with Natasha, Clint, Loki, and Maria? Or would she fit better with the extroverts like Steve, Thor, and Valkyrie?

“I’m excited to meet her. Mar, please tell me you invited her to lunch?” Thor asked excitedly.

Maria only smiled and shrugged before going back to her assigned reading.

“What’s the fuss? No one can be that perfect,” Valkyrie said matter-of-factly, which halted the conversation in the table almost immediately.

Carol quickly glanced at Maria. If Valkyrie was baiting for a fight early in the morning, she’s surely not getting it because getting a rise out of Maria is like getting Natasha to be responsive.

“The first mistake you can make before meeting Y/N is to think that she’s perfect. She’s not; she’s scarred and flawed but she’s special,” Tony said seriously before Maria can say anything else.

Carol cleared her throat to diffuse the tension in the air. “You’re right, T. We shouldn’t put the girl on a box.” Carol started seriously before breaking into a grin. “Besides, we all know, only Tasha’s that perfect.”

Carol looked smug. Steve nodded, Tony just shrugged, Wanda giggled, Valkyrie rolled her eyes while the Odinson brothers just smiled. And just like that, the bad air is gone.

8:30 AM

In the end, Natasha didn’t show up for breakfast, which was odd because everyone knows that she hates doing Clint’s job and giving grounds tour. Only Carol and Maria has a 9 AM class, so Carol drove them back to school in her motorcycle. Carol intentionally slowed her movement the moment Maria hopped off her bike and handed her the extra helmet Carol lent her.

“You know you’re gonna be late for class again, right?” Maria said after fixing her braided hair.

Carol smiled before locking her bike up. “I know but can you blame me? Bruce’s class is capital b-o-r-i-n-g,” Carol defended.

Maria shook her head and smiled. “Sure but I know what you’re doing,” Maria said before walking towards the school.

Carol squinted before jogging up to catch up to Maria.

“You should stop trying to get a rise out of Nat. It’s not helping your cause,” Maria said smiling.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Carol denied but Maria knows from the smile on her face that Carol knows exactly what she’s talking about.

Maria was thirteen when she moved to Ithaca and joined the Avengers. She wasn’t privy to their childhood and Maria wasn’t one to gossip but she knows that Carol was Natasha’s best friend since they were eight. Along the way, the two went on a rough patch that they seem to be still recovering from. It doesn’t help that Carol likes teasing and deliberately doing the things she knows Natasha would hate.

The two engaged in small talk until they arrived at Maria’s classroom. “See you later, Danvers,” Maria said before putting her hand for a high-five. Carol immediately indulged her.

***

Carol grimaced at the watch as she reads the time. She still hasn’t seen Natasha since she left her at the studio but she didn’t want to give the other the satisfaction by texting to know where the hell she is.

‘Tasha’s a grown woman,’ Carol thought to herself before looking up and seeing Minerva a few feet away. 

Carol looked at her reflection on the glass adjacent to her before flashing an all too big, all too fake smile. She walked the small distance between her and Minerva, who is talking to a boy Carol doesn’t know. 

“Hey,” Carol greeted from behind Minerva.

“Danvers,” Minerva answered without facing her. The boy looked between the two before quickly excusing himself.

Minerva turned on the spot to look at Carol. “Aren’t you late for class?”

“Yes. So, why bother? Besides, don’t you miss me?” Carol asked batting her long eyelashes and pouting. 

Minerva looked at her from head to toe before smirking. “It’s too early for a booty call, Danvers.”

Carol let out an unadulterated laugh. “Fair enough but how about later after school?” Carol asked, stepping inside Minerva’s personal space. In one stride, Carol has closed the gap between them and has the other woman pressed against her toned body and the locker behind her. 

“Danvers!” A voice Carol would know anywhere growled a few feet away. 

Carol groaned in fake exasperation but internally she’s smiling from ear to ear. “Tasha,” she said sweetly without stepping away from Minerva. Natasha, as expected, didn’t smile back. She only grimaced and glared until Minerva pushed Carol away.

“This again?” Minerva murmured as she rounded Carol to get to her classroom but the blonde girl couldn’t hear or see anything else. She’s laser-focused on Natasha and Natasha alone. 

“You’re ten minutes late already,” Nat started when she’s alone in the hallway with Carol. “And your class is on the other side of the campus.”

Carol ignored the fact that Natasha still knows her schedule. She walked towards the redhead until she’s toe to toe with Natasha. Natasha didn’t step back, she’s used to Carol always invading her personal space. 

“I got that class in the bag, Tasha. Relax,” Carol whispered before leaning in, kissing Natasha close to her mouth, and running away. 

***

Carol’s grinning from ear to ear as she floats all the way to the other side of the campus. She’s still thinking of how Natasha’s face has turned a good shade of tomato just before Carol sprinted away. Carol’s pretty sure it’s a combination of a blush and Natasha’s rising anger. She couldn’t help but chuckle to herself, just as she enters Bruce’s classroom. Bruce stops mid-discussion after Carol not so silently barged into class.

“Ah! Miss Danvers, glad you’re able to join us today,” Bruce said. “And only twenty minutes late.”

Carol was ripped from her high as everyone’s laughter reached her ears.

She refused to be made to feel bad about a decision she deliberately made. So, she joined in the laughter before looking at her teacher.

“Sorry, Mr. Banner but it’s the meet season,” Carol half-lied before quickly scanning the room for an empty seat. Her eyes landed on the empty seat next to the only face she doesn’t know in class. Carol was completely caught off-guard. They just talked about how Maria’s friend, the transfer student’s pretty but Carol thought as she stood there that ‘pretty’ is an understatement.

“Get it together, Danvers and sit already,” Bruce sighed. Carol blinked back to reality before smiling at Bruce and sprinting up the stairs to her seat.

“Hi, I’m Carol. Carol Danvers,” she introduced herself with a genuine smile.

“Hi, Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N,” she whispered, eyes still trained upfront.

Carol docked her head to hide the smile on her face as she finds Y/N pretending to be listening to Bruce really adorable.

“Nice to meet you,” Carol tried to whisper back

Y/N threw her a side glance to acknowledge her but quickly turned back to the lesson. Or at least, try because Carol was adamant about talking to her. The moment their eyes met, Carol decided she wants to get to know her outside of Maria and Tony’s stories.

“Maria can’t stop talking about you,” Carol tried to get Y/N’s attention again.

This time, it worked. “You know Maria?” Y/N asked quietly.

Carol smiled but before she could utter another word, Bruce shut the book on his hand loudly. Y/N turned her eyes and body forward as fast as she could, Carol didn’t take her eyes off the girl.

“Care to include us in your discussion, girls?” Bruce said all the way down from the podium.

Carol smiled as she watches Y/N try to shrink herself on her seat to avoid Bruce's wrath. Carol on the other hand just kept smiling like an idiot.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Banner but I just couldn’t believe I’m sitting next to a MENSA student,” Carol said.

The room was filled with the murmur of approval.

“Why do you sound so impressed Carol?”

“Yeah, you’re friends with Tony Stark. Isn’t he a MENSA student too?”

A few kids in the class asked aloud but Carol ignored them. Carol finally turned her head to look at Bruce. He didn’t look impressed, his mouth is set on a thin line. Carol held the laugh that tried to escape her. The face Bruce makes every time he gets angry rarely gets the class in line. Natasha’s daily poker face gets better results on striking fear in the heart of people than Bruce at his most angry. 

“I know that she’s Mensa, Carol that’s why I left that seat for you. So you can, maybe draw some inspiration and put an effort into this class,” Bruce deadpanned, which only made the classroom roar again with laughter.

“Well,” she started before blatantly checking Y/N out. “I can already feel the inspiration coming.”

The laughter was instantly replaced by groaning. Bruce literally facepalmed himself while Y/N blushed profusely on her seat and avoiding eye contact.

See, Carol is known to be a notorious flirt but at that moment, she wasn’t trying to bait Y/N. She meant it as a genuine compliment.

[kuratoki]

Changes 03

Do you agree that things change in time? Well four years abroad would tell wouldn’t it?

Pairing: Reader x Jeno ft. NCT

Words: 2298

Warning: Mild swearing

1 - 2 - 3

After spending several hours cleaning and reorganizing your room, you found yourself listening to a few of your favorite pieces from your old school you enjoyed dancing to and let your body flow with the melody as you continued to put things away.

Jeno, who was busy working on the assignments he received for his classes looked up towards his window when he heard music playing from outside. He rolled over to his window and smiled at what he saw and thought to himself.

‘Old habits really do die hard’ 

You were dancing in the middle of your bedroom which was in perfect view from his and it was obvious that you had forgotten to close the blinds. This was unsurprising to Jeno since this was your main way of communication when you weren’t allowed outside as kids. There were times where you’d leave notes big enough for the other to read on your window, even when it was just to say hi. 

He continued to observe you with a content smile on his face, his assignments forgotten until the music stopped and he realized that you were looking at him through the window.

Not knowing what to do, he gave you an awkward wave before you quickly ran out of your bedroom, making him frown. Realizing you weren’t coming back anytime soon, he reluctantly went back to his homework.

Back at your house, you were busy taking deep breaths, wondering why you ran out of your room like that. It caught you by surprise when you saw Jeno watching you from his window but at the same time, you knew that he had been watching after a while since you felt someones eyes on you but you were too lost in the music to stop. Plus you guys used to do it every time when you were children so why were you so embarrassed now? You suddenly felt like that pre-teen girl who was going through her first crush again and you couldn’t handle it, not after four years.

You decided you needed to get out of the house again to get some fresh air in order to clear your head. You went back in your room to see Jeno’s lights off except the one he kept at his desk and frowned. Did you hurt his feelings by running away like that? To be fair, it did give you a shock but did it really bother you that much? Deciding that your thoughts were only going to get worse, you grabbed your earphones and put on a hoodie before running out of the house.

The sound of a squeaky gate made Jeno look up from a problem and he looked up to see your bedroom lights off. Getting up, he looked out his window to see you in jogging gear and running out your gate. He wasn’t sure what it was but his gut was telling him to follow you, it was dark after all and it was dangerous for you to be out alone.

By the time he got out, he started to second guess himself. You were nowhere in sight and could’ve been anywhere at that point. Deciding to take his chances, he ran down a familiar path towards a spot that both of you knew all too well. 

When he got to the clearing, he saw you sitting on the bench, looking over the lights of the city and he swore he had never seen anything prettier than what he was looking at now. He slowly walked towards your direction, not wanting to startle you before he tapped you on the shoulder.

You jumped slightly when you felt someone touch your shoulder but relaxed when you realized it was only Jeno.

“Hi.” you said taking out your earbuds.

‘Hey.” he said with a nod, hands deep in his pockets which was a nervous habit he had yet to get rid of.

The two of you stared at each other for a while before you gestured to the seat beside you.

After a few moments of silence, Jeno let out a breath.

“It’s been a while...” he said awkwardly, trying to break the ice.

“It’s been a long while.” you confirmed with a nod, both of you looking out towards the lights.

“We used to spend so much time here…” he said softly, looking down at the ground unsure of what your thoughts were, “Did you...have fun while you were abroad?”

“Here and there. I wasn’t really there to make friends” you replied, “I heard you got accepted into SMAA the year I left...I’m glad. You always deserved the best.” 

‘So did you.’ Jeno thought to himself as he cleared his throat, “It…” he started unsure how you were going to take his words but he felt he needed to say a lot of things he wasn’t sure he’d be able to say once you left your spot, “It would’ve been a lot better if you were there with me.” 

You looked at the boy from the corner of your eye as he started to vent. It wasn’t a normal trait that Jeno had and it only came out when he couldn’t take it anymore. It had been less than a day since you came back and you were surprised he hadn’t let himself go sooner. You expected he would’ve trusted Jaemin at the very least towards his emotions. 

“It was supposed to be the three of us Y/N.” Jeno continued, “You, me and Jaemin. We were supposed to apply and go together...it’s how it should’ve been. Then you went and applied for the program abroad behind our backs…” he clenched his fists feeling the anger he felt when his mom had told him about you leaving.

“I wanted to be angry at you Y/N, I really did.” he let out a breath, “But I thought back to all the times you and I spent here...where we talked about our dreams...our futures….” he sighed, running a hand through his hair, “You really wanted to go... it was your dream and because of the others at our school, you couldn’t express that. But with me, you told me everything. I saw the posters you kept in your room, I let you drag me to ballets when they were in town because I knew it made you happy... “

“Jeno..” you said trying to interrupt but you felt his hand rest on yours and for whatever reason, it felt natural and you were pulled back to the summer nights you and Jeno spent countless hours in this spot.

“I just want to know why you left without saying anything.” he stated, “If there was anyone you could’ve told about applying to the program, it was me. We were best friends...maybe I considered us a bit more than that...” he then looked at you with intense eyes, “So why didn’t you?”

You turned to look at him with a frown. How were you supposed to tell him that you felt your friendship tearing apart once someone new tried to make their way into your group? How could you tell him that it hurt you more to see someone you considered so close lip locked with that person when you didn’t even know for sure if he had anything to do with it? How could you tell him that instead of facing your feelings head on, you had to run away? How could you tell him that even now, you wanted to run away to escape these feelings you hadn’t figured out.

Letting out a sigh, you looked down at the ground, “It’s...it’s complicated…” you managed to get out as you felt his thumb stroke the top of your hand in an attempt to comfort you, letting you know that everything was okay.

“I’ve got nothing but time.” he said softly, leaning back, waiting for you to talk.

The two of you probably sat in silence for close to ten minutes before you realized that Jeno wasn’t going anywhere. It was probably close to eleven at night at this point and the both of you had class the next day. You had gone through a big procon list in your head. If you told Jeno the truth, he’d be able to clear any assumptions you had or laugh at you for thinking such a thing. But at the same time, he could also confirm that he and Hyolin did date and that would lead to a whole different thing. What were you going to do?!

After a few more minutes of inner debates, you let out a breath and Jeno, who had been low key freaking out that his hand was still on top of yours, took it as a sign that you were going to start talking.

“You have to promise me that you’ll hear me out before you say anything..” you started as Jeno nodded, turning his body slightly towards you as you started your story.

After close to fifteen minutes later, Jeno was having a hard time forming words. There was a part of him that felt like shit because he partially felt like he was responsible for the downfall of your friendship but another part of him was annoyed that you hadn’t talked to him sooner about how you were feeling.

“I never dated Hyolin.” he said as soon as you were done, “I heard from a contact that she tried to sabotage your audition for SMAA and I confronted her. The day you saw us...I had no idea what she was doing near our place, I swear. She must’ve heard about Jaemins movie night and saw me waiting for you between our houses on her way or something. The kiss...the kiss was the most disgusting kiss in my life.” 

“Disgusting..?” you asked with a raised eyebrow and he nodded, a slight blush tinting his cheeks.

“Well...I had my first kiss only days prior to someone really special and nothing compared to that.” he managed to mumble out and your eyes widened thinking back to that night. 

“So we agree that we’ll send in our audition tapes at the same time right?” a fourteen year old Jeno asked as the two of you sat on the grass overlooking the city lights.

It had been the perfect summer day and you and Jeno basically spent the whole entire day at your spot. You had packed a little picnic and the two of you ate happily while watching the sunset. 

“Same time? Does Jaemin know about this?” you asked, sitting cross legged while looking at various pictures you took throughout the day.

“Not yet since he’s not back from vacation with his family but I’ll tell him at our movie night in a few days.” Jeno reassured with a nod and you gave him an uneasy smile though he didn’t seem to notice, “You know Y/N, it’s going to suck once summers over.”

You nodded your head in agreement before leaning on his shoulder, letting out a content sigh, “We’ll spend less time here and more time in the studio.” 

“That’s not true.” he said automatically looking down at you, “This spot will always be our spot. Whenever we need to get away from Jaemin or school, parents, assignments...or if we ever get lost, we’ll always have our spot.” 

You turned your head to look up at him, “Our spot?” 

“Our spot.” he affirmed, “Where Y/N can be Y/N and Jeno be Jeno.” 

You smiled up at him, “I like that…Our spot..” you whispered when you noticed his face getting closer to yours, fingers intertwined and his lips barely touching yours but enough for you to close your eyes.

Your eyes met his when you opened yours again and you both fell into a fit of giggles before he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to him as he rested his head on top of yours as you continued to watch the city lights, both lost in your own thoughts of content.

“I didn’t know how to tell you back then…” Jeno admitted, “I just thought the kiss told you everything I felt for you that summer.” 

“Well aren’t I the boo boo the fool?” you asked, letting out a breath as you felt so many emotions overwhelm you.

After hearing the truth, you felt stupid. You could’ve been happy this whole time but let your emotions get the best of you and ruined potentially a lifetime of friendship over one stupid misunderstanding. Over the last four years, you continued to deny your never ending feelings for Jeno since he was never there but even being back in your life for a day overwhelmed you. He was still the same boy you grew up with, except with a deeper voice and much hotter but that was besides the point. Did he still feel the same way though? His hand was still resting on yours so you weren’t sure what it meant. 

Was he okay that you two talked it out so you could move on with your life? Did he still feel the same way you did?

This run of fresh air was obviously starting to backfire and you suddenly felt yourself wanting to run home to hide under your blankets. 

You got up suddenly catching Jeno off guard and quickly made an excuse when Jeno didn’t say anything.

“It’s getting late and we should really head back so we aren’t late for classes tomorrow.” you said before shoving your earphones in your ear, “I’ll see you in class.” you said with a wave before literally sprinting away, leaving Jeno to look at where you once were in confusion.

[lonelypond]

Nico Attacks: A Campfire Tale, Ch. 2

LL, NicoMaki, KotoUmi, 1.5K, 2/4

And Then There Were Two

Umi examined the ground where the path opened, her keychain flashlight still working, “Definitely more sets of feet than just Eli and Nico, one of them smaller.”

“So one of the children?”

Umi shrugged, “It doesn’t look like anyone got dragged off so Eli must have gone...willingly?”

Maki was only half listening to Umi. The music had been gone for awhile now, but now a more insistent, probably artificial, wind noise started to rise.

“Something’s going to happen.” Maki hissed.

“Sprint across or move along the trees?”

“If that’s a portable lantern, we should grab it. And I’m going to head for the house. I think it’s that way.” Maki pointed to the right.

“So would that be a predictable choice?”

Maki huffed, “Probably.”

Umi unbelted her hatchet.

“This isn’t war.”

Umi’s face, in the LED bright of the keychain flashlight, was Honoka choosing bread serious, “you know Nico better than I do, what do you think is going to happen?”

Maki deflated, “Yeah, you might have to cut us out of netting.”

“Is everything between you two a duel?”

“Maybe.” Unexpectedly, Maki grinned, “Nico never backs down, never stops pushing. It’s always an adventure.”

“She could decide to call it a night and I would be thrilled.”

Maki chuckled, “Won’t happen.”

“Whose side are you on?”

Maki sprinted for the lantern but as she grabbed it, a howl started, one voice joined by another then another. Maki headed for what she thought was the path to the house but before she took more than two steps, the scarecrow started to move. Umi saw it grab her by the throat.

“Maki!”

It seemed like an hour, but it was probably only nine seconds before Umi moved, sprinting to where Maki was struggling and cursing. As Umi was realizing Maki was in no real danger, Maki threw the camping lantern away, and the scarecrow was dragged forward by the wires attaching it, just far enough that Umi’s legs were entangled as she approached. Umi pitched toward Maki, twisting so the hatchet threatened no one. Maki grumped, skipping to the side.

“Keep that away from me. Nico forgot you’re always armed.”

“I am always prepared.” Umi sheathed her hatchet again.

Maki kicked the scarecrow, then decided to stomp on it for more catharsis.

“That’s Eli’s jacket.”

“I don’t care.”

The howls were picking up, and music was back.

“Really, Nico, can’t you come up with anything other than Bach?” Maki shouted into the night.

“It is a classic horror mood.”

Maki rolled her eyes, “She could have at least thrown in Saint-Saëns Danse Macabre. Or something modern.” Another shout into the night. “It’s not like she doesn’t know death metal exists.”

The sounds started changing, a shift from organ to a screech of metal crashing in a guitar riff.

“Thank you!” Maki shouted.

“Let’s not help the people attempting to terrify us.” Umi was taking cautious steps toward the tree line as branches shook menacingly. Suddenly, a spotlight glared directly in their eyes, and after it dimmed, black spots swimming in their vision, howls and guitars speeding up, gritty voices grinding out indecipherable lyrics, at least three songs shoved into a sonic blender, with that cacophony as a backdrop, the shifting shadows ahead turned animal. And started to growl.

###

When Eli saw the light, it triggered a rushing need to get closer. She couldn’t see anything ahead of her, barely felt anything as she pushed between Maki and Umi, her feet speeding her through the cloying darkness, even though part of her mind was screaming “That’s how the flame gets the moth,” it was not screaming loud enough to silence the terror of DARK.

As soon as there were no tree branches for Eli to thrash through, she felt hands pulling her to the side.

“HE…” She yelled but a grimy, sweaty hand clamped over her mouth and two people wrestled her forward. A child stood, shadowed by the camping lantern that was her current obsession, one of the twins.

Eli relaxed slightly when she heard Vik’s bright voice whispering “We’re saving you, Mom.”

Nico and Rin had Eli in a fairly tight grip, Nico hissing, “You say anything or run, I kill the light.”

Vik was smiling up at Eli, in a gray hoodie with adorable wolf ears. Rin and Nico were also wearing them.

“I’m going to sit,” Eli whispered softly, her legs too shaky to do anything.

Nico sighed, but nodded. “Gimme your shirt?”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

Vik stood next to Eli, blue eyes wide, “Are Auntie Umi and Maki scared? Dia said her Mama was so grumpy about the pumpkin guts. How come we never have fun like this?”

Because Nozomi doesn’t enjoy terrifying me when small children are awake, Eli answered in her head, but she hugged Vik, “Every family has their own traditions.”

“This is so cool.” Vik was literally bouncing, spinning around the tilting pole while Nico was attaching wires to the scarecrow, while Vik was putting their ballet warm up exercises to good use. “Auntie Nico is the best.”

Eli shook her head, amused, happy that a Vik she was getting too used to seeing sullen and withdrawn was giving every sign they were having a great time. For that, she would forgive Nico many things.

Vik handed Eli a gray hoodie, “Help us howl, Mom.”

Eli thought about the DARK and then she looked at the brilliant smile on her child’s face. This was a crossroad and she knew which path to pick.

“Your mother always says I’d look cute with a tail.”

###

Maki and Umi backed up, instinctively.

“You know that’s probably just Nico and Rin, right?” Umi hissed.

“My feet won’t move forward.”

The shadows pushed closer, the forest was moving forward as metal guitar strings shrieked ‘til they shredded and clanks and chalkboard scratches answered growls. It was amazingly effective,

Umi recovered first. Which Maki only realized when she backed into something solid.

“Nico doesn’t scare me.” Umi stated, with zero conviction.

“Liar.”

And then three running, hunched ‘creatures’ rushed toward them, circling them, growling, laughing, unrecognizable, faces smeared with dark makeup. Umi braced herself, Maki went for the treeline, but the middle ‘creature’, rolled in front, so Maki stumbled forward over them, grabbing at them but only pulling off their hoodie.

Someone pulled Maki up and as she turned, she screamed at a looming HUGE inflatable glow in the dark skeleton bobbing behind Umi. Throwing the hoodie in frustration at Umi, Maki leaned over, hands on knees to catch her breath. “Dammit, Nico.”

And then Umi said something unexpected. “I apologize.”

“For what?”

“This is not solely your fault.”

Umi got weirdly formal at the strangest times. Maki raised her head and waited for the full explanation as Umi examined the hoodie.

“Nico is not working alone. Kotori made these. I recognize them.”

“So what did you do?” Maki snapped.

“Nothing.”

Silence. Bordering on angry silence. Maki never liked teasing. Umi sighed.

“Kotori might have remembered that after the Halloween Hell Cruise, I wrote Aizuwakamatsu no Yurei.”

Her award winning play. Maki knew Umi hadn’t been writing. So Kotori was worried. Ha. Everyone has interfering wives. And the Halloween Hell Cruise had been a Nico Nightmare. Maki shuddered at the memory.

“So if my wife is devious and diabolical, what’s yours?"

“Crafty.” Umi said proudly. “And caring.”

Maki stomped into the darkness, muttering something that rhymed with “tripped.”

Umi stood, watching the bobbing, grinning, glowing skeleton. Then she reached into a pocket, pulled out her clasp knife, opened the blade, and punctured Mx. Bones with one swift motion. Air escaped with a whispering scream. Umi nodded her head, satisfied.

“Hey, that looked fun.” Maki grumped.

"Maybe you shouldn’t have stomped off.”

“Show off.”

Umi grinned.

“So how many more of these do you think Nico has planned?”

Maki shrugged, “She still seems to have infinite energy.”

“So not maturing?”

“Ha ha.”

“You’re enjoying this.”

“Aren’t you? It’s” Maki paused, “invigorating.” Maki and the lantern did a circle of the clearing, to check for clues, “Why’d you stop writing?”

“Exhausted. Kaito is a fine, intelligent child, but it’s exhausting.”

“I know.” Maki shot a glare back at Umi, “And Dia’s picked up some very judgy habits from a certain babysitter.”

“Your daughter’s manners are impeccable. She’s nothing like Nico.”

“You’re wrong there.” Maki pulled on a wire but it didn’t seem to connect to anything. “‘S funny, when I was younger I would have imagined me at a fancy black tie Halloween charity event with my supportive spouse who did most of the childcare while I lived at the hospital and then I met Nico and here we are.”

Umi considered that, “What else do you do when you fall in love with a brilliant, hard working career woman who wants a family and for you to keep being yourself? Support them like they support you.”

“Yeah.” Maki got to spend every day with music and people she loved. Because of Muse. And Nico. Other generations of Nishikinos had paintings, portraits stiff in oil to hang on walls, but for her family, it was a quick watercolor sketch Hanayo had made while Maki and Nico were having an impromptu concert with their daughters. It was Maki’s favorite piece of art, quick, lively, bright, made with love.

Maki found another wire and pulled. Netting crashed down around here, leaves scraping her cheeks. Nico wasn’t done yet.

A/N: Hey.

[early20thcenturynerd]

“Margetta Hirsch Doyle ’45 was a regular student at William & Mary. Her friends called her ‘Getta’ and she was a Kappa Delta. Doyle kept a diary and wrote about her philosophy quizzes, described how much she enjoyed making Red Cross surgical wrappings and mentioned hours spent spotting airplanes from campus buildings. Doyle was a student during World War II.

During the second World War, William & Mary became a predominantly female campus. While many college-age males fought abroad, women kept up the war effort from Williamsburg. In between their studies and social life, students volunteered with the Student War Council and the American Red Cross. Along with other service work, they, like Doyle, made surgical dressings and spotted airplanes, sometimes in groups and sometimes alone.”

Margetta Hirsch Doyle’s Entries for September, 1943:

SEPTEMBER 1

Mother roused us early since Beth and Kay had to go to work - Lou and I trailed sleepily after them. “Goodbyes” were said and Lou and I with Mother, talked and talked about how to improve KΔ. It was much the same stuff, but with new ideas. We finally managed to dress for a late lunch at the Chinese restaurant in Jamaica and seemed to stuff ourselves. Louise hopped a subway and Mother and I met Herbert (a date - hey! Even if he is just 13) and saw “Hers to Hold” with Deanna Durbin and Joseph Cotton (Ah! Such a man!) and “Crime Doctor” with Warner Baxter at the Valencia. Letter from Danny saying she and Fred have made up. I’m so very glad! Nana came this evening.

SEPTEMBER 2 

So lazy! I drooped in bed reading and dreaming till it was well nigh noon and my guilty conscience forced me into a more active life. Once I was up I drooped some more and got out my “old faithful letters” to pore over again. They’re all so “cute” and ego-bolstering. Reading them over I can ignore the intervals between, and toss off the carburetor ones as unimportant. Such nice boys! Dad came out, still feeling rotton - and contemplating the date of his operation. Pat called - gave me a message from Bell that he’s rooting for me to go to Hamilton the 11th. Gee, I’d love it, but Mother and Dad are very uncooperative. I spose they’re right. We invaded Italy’s mainland!!

SEPTEMBER 3 

I’m beautified - or rather - attempts were made. At 9:00 a.m. Mother and I were down at Robert’s and my hair was going through the mechanisms necessary for a permanent. I was amazingly through in two hours - it looks fairly all right considering……….. Mother stopped at O.C.D. and then we had lunch at the Fish Grotto, And on home. This evening I went into the city up to Victor Chemical’s office to be shown around by Bugsie. We met Mr. Cotton, her boss and he gave us bourbon to sip. Stirred, we walked crosstown to Toffenetti’s where we met Ev for a crazy dinner. Such fun. Then a walk uptown to Radio City. We saw Cary Grant (Mmm!) in “Mr Lucky.” The stage show had no continuity but the Corps de Ballet act was super.

SEPTEMBER 4 

The beginning of the Labor Day weekend. It doesn’t seem possible - my, how the summer has flown by!! Today was completely uneventful and unexciting. I drooped in bed once more till just before time for Daddy to come out. He brought cake as usual. The rest of the afternoon was spent in listening to the Dodgers-Giant's game which the Dodgers won in the seventeenth inning. I pored through old diaries and really laughed at them. Admittedly I’m still rather dramatic and I do exaggerate - but - Gad when I was a Senior at St. Mary’s I really laid in on thick. Such gushing! I really ought to turn over a new leaf. I called Bugsie, Joanie and Pat Brennan.

SEPTEMBER 5 

I roused myself from my lethargy to be ready when Aud called for me to go to church and communion. The sermon was quite good: cooperation in order to have World Peace. I came home feeling real holy for a change. This afternoon Bugsie came by to laugh over old diaries with me and talk about things in general. Then she and I walked back to pick up Irene - and so a trek to Tildemann’s for gooey calorie-filled sundaes. Our conscience bothered us but we enjoyed them anyhoo and sat smoking and listening to the juke box discussing the Reader’s Digest statistical conclusion that after the war 7 out of every ten girls will be old maids. Cheerful prospect! Gee things are bad enough without thinking of that.

SEPTEMBER 6 

Happy Labor Day! and it was quite happy too, considering - this morning we revived the matter of this next weekend, which had been sort of lying dormant till then and Mom and Dad said I definitely couldn’t go up alone. There was little I could say and I spose I really see their point but I do want to go to Hamilton so very badly. We sit upon the idea of Bugsie’s going with me so I sent a special delivery to Bill and am keeping my fingers crossed till I hear. This evening after Dad left on the spur of the moment Mother & I hopped a bus and went to the Alden to see revivals of Clark Gable & Claudette Colbert's Academy Award Winner “It Happened One Night” and Ronald Colman in “Lost Horizon.” I wonder what my Shangri-La is!

SEPTEMBER 7

I slept late again, getting dressed time to meet Mrs. Brennan and Pats. We went into N.Y. to see “This is the Army” the Technicolor movie version of the army show. It really was terrifically good - the music, acting, vague plot to connect the two wars and color were all grand and I enjoyed it as much as, if not more, than any other picture in a long time. After the movie we went into Dempsey’s and sipped cocktails, and then they came home with us for dinner and to talk and reminisce and plan for awhile. They’re real nice people - I like 'em good inspite of everything. I heard from Dossie and Eddie Damm - also a sweet letter from Freddie enclosing a picture of the girl to whom he’s engaged for me too see!

SEPTEMBER 8

A nice day! I met Lou at Roosevelt Avenue just before twelve and then on to New York to mosey around Lord & Taylor’s trying to get decorative ideas for improving the KΔ house but things were too extreme for our collegiate ways! Then we went to the Gypsy Tea Room for lunch and to have our fortunes told - very interesting! After that we went to the Ambassador theater and saw “Blossom Time” - music costumes and acting were swell - good show about Schubert’s life and music. I met Mother and Dad at Dempsey’s for dinner and sat at the table next Jack and his two children. After that - back to the H.G.C. meeting at Jeannettes for gab - nothing exciting. Italy unconditionally surrendered to the Allies. Best news since the war began! Is victory nearer? I’m so glad!!

SEPTEMBER 9

Today started off pretty well. Mother and I went into New York and bought me my beauty of a red three-piece suit (The pockets on the other had been cockeyed!) and a cute black hat too; so I glowed with it all. We skirted the big Parade (opening 3rd War Bond Drive!), had a sandwich at the Milk Barn and then went to Robert’s where I had my hair shampooed and set (first since after the permanent!) We came home and Nana was here. Very bad news! Bill had tried to call me last night but I was out, as tonight he called again, and the result wasn’t too cheery. It seems there’s a convention in Clinton over the weekend and cause I hadn’t let him know sooner he couldn’t yet a room anyware. God I’m so disappointed. I’d wanted to go so badly. We talked for quite while and he seemed as disappointed as I. We haven’t really talked in so long, and it’d have been wonderful. Oh hell!

SEPTEMBER 10

I turned completely tragically dramatic and sobbed all last night so that this morning my eyes are just slits. I hadn’t really cried in ages and splurted forth all I’d saved up. Silly, but I really cleaned out my nasal passages! Mom decided to pacify me with a program of activity so we went into New York for a Chinese Lunch at the China Clipper and then went to the Roxy to see “Heaven Can Wait” with Don Ameche and Gene Tierney - very amusing and I liked it good. We went to Saks for a pair of jodphur pants - and then to Dr. Weiss for the usual. We met Dad at the Boar’s Head on Lexington Avenue and our mouths watered over good soft shell crabs. Glory came over late in the evening, and spent the night. We talked n’ talked - slept together in the double bed and were real restless.

SEPTEMBER 11

An active day! Fairly early, Bugsie and I dressed in our riding togs, and after meeting Cam, Aud and Irene we trekked to 188th St. and hopped on horses. At least the rest hopped but not having gone in over two years, I was more or less shoved on by an innocently obliging bystander. Once we started posting and cantering through Cunningham Park however it was wonderful and the ride a beautiful one. Irene fell off to lend excitement. We went back to Glory’s for lunch and chatted awhile; then, this evening rather unexpectedly, Glory, Aud, Irene, Cam, Edith and Jean all came in, and we howled hysterically over old diaries of Aud & Irene revealing their “supreme thrills” of grammar and high school days. Jean’s baby’ll arrive the end of February supposedly - it doesn’t seem possible. Anyhoo, the evening was fun!

SEPTEMBER 12

Limping and nursing sore aching muscles, Aud and I practically dragged ourselves to St. Gabe’s this morning and squirmed on the comparatively hard wooden seats. Mr. Condit is back for his first service of the new year and is really a marvelous rector. Mr. Judd has accepted an offer at Christ Church outside of Philadelphia, and will leave St. Gabe’s the end of this month. After church we stopped at Glory’s for a few moments and then home. Mother, Dad and I to celebrate the lifting of the pleasure driving ban, drove to the Triangle restaurant for a good dinner - and then home again! The Germans have occupied Rome and Italy and Germany are now fighting - the quirks of alliances of warfare. Our forces are fighting too and Italy’s surrender isn’t as optimistic as first thought.

SEPTEMBER 13

Yesterday morning’s muscle weariness was eased by a lovely mail today. I heard from Bill Boyd - back from maneuvers and writing again at last. He's still waiting for his transfer orders to the Air Corps, and wrote a long perkish letter while waiting. Then - Floyd - till in San Francisco - wrote a wonderfully philosophic gem expressing his emotions on going overseas. It was really good! This afternoon Mother and I went to the Valencia to see Merle Oberon and Brian Aherne in First Comes Courage (the usual spies-and-commandos-in-Norway stuff) and Donald O’Connor in Mr. Big - a cute jitterbug job. Tonight, Glory, Aud and I went bowling and had a stupid old time again. I bowled 78 - an improvement over last time - but not too good! I blame it on my muscles.

SEPTEMBER 14

This morning was dedicated to a series of “friendly discussions” before I went into the city to meet Cary, back from her two week’s jaunt in Kentucky, Annapolis, Washington, etc. We talked a blue streak to catch up on what had passed in the meantime. Two friends of hers were there from Annapolis. We had a sandwich next door; they left and we spent the afternoon trying to pick up Cary’s bags at Penn Station. I met Mother and Dad at the China Clipper for dinner and talking and so on home. Confusion! I got a special from Bill Brennan enclosing another letter he’d sent me -- addressed correctly -- but which had been returned to me. If I’d gotten that letter in time, the room situation could have been cleared up and I might have gone to Hamilton. Damn the post office!

SEPTEMBER 15

An emotional day! It was cloudy, so we couldn’t go on our boat trip as planned. Instead Mother, Louise and I went to the music Hall to see “So Proudly We Hail,” the epic of the bravery of the army nurses on Bataan and Corregidor. It was powerful! The stage show Minstrel Days was quite good too, though different from the usual Radio City ones. Louise and I met Cary on 29th Street at 4:30 went to the Little Church Around the Corner to see Marty and Tommy, married. We stood and beamed and felt quite parental as we shook our heads, saying it doesn’t seem possible! though we knew they’d really been planning it for ages. They’re both swell. Lou and I came home on the 5th Avenue bus to Jackson Heights. Tonight Mother & I went over to Thompsons to see Jack & Margie. They’re going to Eustis!

SEPTEMBER 16

I should have left for Billsburg today but am extremely grateful for the extra week at home. Excitement came this morning when the radiator leaking from my john made the downstairs hall look as though it had been blitzed. What a mess! This afternoon mother and I went over to Jersey, stopping at Aunt Bert’s and then at Aunt Fan’s. I saw Ruth’s two-year old baby Gail and loved her immediately. She’s a darling! The afternoon was pleasant - tending towards the crazy. We then went over to Brooklyn and met Dad for dinner at the St. George, and so home in the downpour. Nana was here. After awhile I went to bed and dove into the new Good Housekeeping.

SEPTEMBER 17 

Once again we’d planned on going 'round Manhattan Island in a boat, but once again it kept raining instead. So I went into Brooklyn (riding on the train with Mrs. Ingold) and met Dad for lunch. It was the first “date” we’d had in ages so we kind o’ talked as I munched on my shrimp curry. We hopped a subway and went back to the office for awhile, stopping to buy stockings on the way, and I generally messed up his business day. It was fun and executivish though! This evening I went over to Glory’s and peeked at the preparations for the shower she gave for Doris De Brodt Deane; and then Mother, Lizzie and I went to see “The Student Prince” starring Everett Marshall. It was very good - another of the epidemic of operetta revivals!

SEPTEMBER 18

“London bridges falling down….. Falling down…..!” Where we had Niagara Falls in the downstairs hall, the plasters are today pulling the whole darned business down, till the ceiling lies in chunks on the floor and dust from it floats throughout the house choking us off as we try to breathe. Ah! for the well-ordered peace of a boiler factory! This morning Mother and I went to Jamacia to buy last minute powder puffs, toothbrushes and emory boards, and pick up a pair of moccassins and a pair of black non rationed shoes, which I treasure as a good bargain. We were s’posed to go to Connie Korn’s wedding today, but being the last weekend home and all, we didn’t, so I thought hard about her instead. And so have two KΔs bit the dust in the same week!

SEPTEMBER 19

The last Sunday at home! Aud and I went to St. Gabe’s where Rev. Condit preached with a voice which kept failing him on account of a cold - the service was usual We had roast lamb for dinner and then discussed the pros and cons of driving down to Billsburg with Marjorie Thompson since Jack needs the car at Eustis. It would be exciting to take a long auto trip legally in gas ration days but it might be complicated too. I think we’ll do it though! Afterwards, Glory and Aud came over and we trekked to Tiedeman’s for sodas; rehashing the problem of “So Little Time - and so much to do - and so many friends to want to be with.” Dad should have gone into the Waldorf for a convention (W.S.J.A.) but stayed here instead. - I wrote Danny, Colby, Bill & Bill.

SEPTEMBER 20

A lovely mail, being as how I heard from Bill Boyd (enclosing a cut cartoon from Yank, the army newspaper) whose transfer orders have come through, but who doesn’t know where he’ll be sent yet! Then too, I got another real nice letter from Bill Hughes - still in Australia! This morning, I went to the dentist for a checkup and for the first time in really ages, I have no cavities. My teeth have passed the adolescent stage! Then I moseyed around Jamaica, after which I came home and baked cookies (sending most of the better ones to Bill Brennan) Cary came out this afternoon and to spend the night - Glory and Aud came for dinner too (steak - how dreamy!) We hysterically played bridge, being interrupted by a blackout and then all walked Audrey home.

SEPTEMBER 21

Such a beautiful day! I woke early to keep my 9:00 a.m. dentist appointment and had my teeth cleaned till they sparkle. I hopped into riding clothes - saw Cary on her bus - and met Joanie for a wonderful ride in Cunningham Park. Peter Pan cantered like a streak of greased lightning and we flew along. It was really swell! Joanie treated me to a coke too and after awhile came over to the house to buy me a War Bond. (I’m crazy - I mean “sell” me a War Bond!) so I backed the attack! Mother and I went to Robert’s where I had my hair set for the final time, and then came home waiting for Nana’s arrival. Dad’s still at the convention. Surprise! Bill Brennan sent me 16 American Beauty roses with a really perky card enclosed. Gosh I’m so very thrilled!

SEPTEMBER 22

Being my last day at home, it was a busy-beaverish one. When I awoke, I wrote Bill Hughes and a perkish thank you note to Bill Brennan - also answered the letter which came from Corporal Eddie Damm. After that we packed suitcases and then drove over to take my ticket to Louise, stopping for a lengthy chat. We ate a Chinese lunch at a restaurant by the Queens Bors Hall, and then went to Jamacia and bought several pairs of pants and a pair of pajamas. Dad came out early and told us of his troubles a la business world. He’s really doing the job of three or four men plus the Post War Planning and National Bond, etc committee stuff he has to do. I went to a H.G.C. meeting and said “Goodbye” to all the girls.

SEPTEMBER 23

The official end to the summer and a real wonderful one it was too. Mother, Marjorie (both of her), Cary and I sent ourselves down in the ’41 Packard snuggled in with suitcases, boxes and the like. It was blissful to ride in a car after the years of gas rationing. We stopped on the road and ate a picnic lunch, which Aunt Bert had made. Most all the way, Cary and I burst forth into song and the time passed quickly. We reached Billsburg at 8:00 and had dinner at the Lodge - then, real excited - we came back to the house and saw everybody. Doggone, I do love it so good! It’s super being with all the gals - specially Beth and Punchy! So very much fun! A stupendously perky letter from Bill Boyd

SEPTEMBER 24

We slept and talked in bed still after ten really catching up on the news of each other’s summers. This morning Beth, Punchy and I went downtown to buy grapefruit juice for improvised breakfasts of the future and to look into the bank account and cafeteria book situation! I met Mother and Marjorie for lunch and spent the evening with them too. I wrote postcards and read Life and the Saturday Evening Post. I met Chuck Gondak and talked familiarly with him for quite awhile. He wants Punchy and me to work for the telephone co again this year at the U.S.O. It’d have been fun but we’ve got too much else to do. Fun tonight in the room!

SEPTEMBER 25

A busyish day! This morning I tiptoed around not to wake the fair roommates as I dressed for my 8:20 appointment with advisor, Dr. Marsh. Surprisingly I had no conflicts and am now officially taking Money & Banking, Statistics, Accounting, Marketing Principles & Problems, Introduction to Business Enterprise and General Psychology plus gym of course. It sounds kind o' stiff but after all, I’ve come to college, essentially to exercise my gray matter. I spent the morning with Muggy Pratt and trying in vain to locate my trunk - I still have no shoes - and ate with Beth & Punchy at the dining hall - this evening I went to the Lodge with Mother and had dinner. Hell! Wouldn’t you know! Bill Hughes wrote me from Boston - he wanted to come see me in New York this weekend. Two days too late!!

SEPTEMBER 26

Sunday, and a busy one too! This morning we trekked over to Chandler and picked up our little sisters to take them to Bruton - mine, Gin Tunstall, is darling! After the service, we went to the dining hall for the traditional southern fried chicken and ice cream - and then back to the house to prepare for the influx of freshman girls making a tour of the sorority house. The same things were said over and over again - with slight variations of course, and our jaws aching from smiling sweetly as we said them and as we listened. It was fun, in a boring sort of way. Beth, Punchy and I went to the Lodge to meet Mother for dinner. We laughed a lot and were most unsophisticated.

SEPTEMBER 27

School bells chimed again and I am officially a Junior - it’s so impressive being respected for a change! I only had three classes. Dr. Foltin stood us up for Psych and after standing around in the hall for awhile we left for the Wigwam to buy books. I became nasty when I discovered I had to pay $24 for beatup secondhand books too. Marketing sounds fascinating - full of merchandising and advertising, the sort of stuff I want. Rhythms only lasted five minutes, which was a lovely sort of gym class. Mother came to the house this afternoon and offered ideas on redecorating our room. It sounds dreamy! May they materialize! There was a W.S.C.G.A meeting tonight with the usual welcomes & news about a German Club dance for the A.S.J.U. boys. House meeting afterwards and then bull sessions about rushing and sex

SEPTEMBER 28

Right about now we’re in a mad dash of enthusiasm - we’re all out for studies, all out for extracurricular stuff, and all out for improving the house, and KΔ in general. Such a busy little year as it’s gonna be! Money and Banking, Business Enterprise, Statistics and Accounting all involve scads of work and I groan under the weight of it. Oh, for just one snap course - it’d be so refreshing! Mother, Holly Miller and I had dinner together at the Lodge and then I went to the Flat Hat Business Staff meeting. We were assigned ads to get so I will merrily trek around town having people sign contracts and pay money - I hope! We get commissions too. Sorority meeting, though informal, was inspiring in its plans. I hope the spirit lasts! Letter from Edith and Evie

SEPTEMBER 29

A busy day, with classes from nine till 4:30P.M. with time out to see Mother off on the morning train. It seems odd not to have her around anymore. Classes were still interesting except for Statistics lab which really is a stinker. If it weren’t required for my major, I’d gladly toy with the idea of dropping it, but grin 'n' bear it, say I. At 5:00 Beth, Punchy, Lou and I went to a Social Committee meeting for the War Work at college, where plans were made for various affairs to be given for the chaplains, their assistants, etc. After a cone at the Wigwam we watched the review of the A.S.J.U boys out on the football field. It was impressive - a far cry from the football rallies of a year ago. This evening, Midge and I went to chapel at which Dr. Foltin spoke and then I came home, washed my hair, did homework and went to a house meeting.

SEPTEMBER 30

Such a rainy day - I’ve never been so wet - honest! Life perked up though when Mr. Nuguist decided to make our introductory approach to statistics more simple and when I discovered that I like accounting a lot. We walked in the pouring rain to dinner across campus and were drenched to the skin. After our good vegetablish dinner we waded through the flooded paths with the wind blowing the rain in streams upon us to the Colonial Echo meeting - and got ourselves on the Editorial Staff. We were supposed to go to a Big-little sister party in Barrett but by then water was seeping through our rubber boots even and we gave ourselves alcohol rubdowns instead. A letter from Dossie and a card from Bill Boyd from Kansas City “en route to Mississippi”

[thestudyfeels]

How To NOT Be Depressed.

(Or If You Prefer — How to Be Substantially Happy About Life.) 

WARNING: This is one rollercoaster ride of a post. Proceed with extreme caution. For some, the staggering levels of insight may induce true purpose and re-establish their warrior spirit. For others, side effects may include grammatically incorrect hate or aloof eyerolls. We advise exiting if the said group includes you, for we're very tired of cleaning vomit off the seats.

Step aboard at your own risk.

If you’re one of the brave souls who stayed back to join us, I congratulate you for even I am scared of how crazy this post truly is. Alrighty then, kick back and relax folks, today we’re having a mature, adult conversation. Merely another cheery afternoon spent talking about life and its realities. Not too bad, eh?

Before we begin, spoiler alert! For those of you already turned off by the mention of 'depression’ and packing their bunnies to leave, sit tight. This ISN'T really about depression. This is about HAPPINESS. No clickbait. That got your attention, right butterfly? Nice, now stay.

A welcoming, maybe demanding A/N: Do me a favor and read this in one go. Maybe even plug in those headphones and listen to the songs dedicated to each part as you read. It's long, you have the new Riverdale episode to catch up on, but don't hop away just yet because (I had a couple moments writing this, alright) it's life changing. You'll prolly cry a few tears of realization, nod all nod-able body parts in agreement, beat your chest at random instants 'cause the hype’s too real, and perhaps, if it isn’t too much to hope for, finally go change your life for the better. In case you've forgotten, this'll remind you that there’s always hope, that you're a born conqueror, and you were made to THRIVE, not survive. Convinced? Kay, roll the cams.

   To clarify first-hand, no, I'm not depressed although I’ve experienced mild depression for a period before. Glad to say I'm out of it but I still struggle with tackling what I'm about to detail next.

Insert bitter voice, it’s this: My life is nowhere near I want it to be. Though I know vaguely what I wanna do, I haven't yet figured out how the hell I’m supposed to get there, or how my dream life is to be sketched out. It’s all a blurry mess. Which, to put it bluntly, hurts. I HATE feeling powerless and worthless, roaming about aimlessly.

There are many such moments where I hit the brakes to wonder why I’m not living THE Life already. There have been several times when I curl up and cry a frickin’ Amazon. There are horrible nights where I'm shaking with emotions, but they won't release, leaving me choked. (…not in that way, you hoes. Um, just ruined the dramatic mood with a lame dirty joke, sorry.)

   They say talking helps and that's why I figured I'd drop in. But perhaps more importantly, I wanted to hang because no matter how unfocused the lens may seem at my future, I don't consider myself a dopey loser incapable of the crazy dreams or wild bucket lists I fantasize about– and I thought I'd skip along to remind you that neither should you. (Or maybe I just came to sniff the new appetizers, who knows?)

PS: I also broke a sweat listing six ways to get outta depression– alternatively, to be more of a conqueror– because y'all are always pestering me with asks that go “how do I conquer omg send supplies” (Like, imagine a conqueror saying that! Oh, the crime, the atrocity!)

So yes, you're welcome. Have a feast with this litness.  

The main reason behind people being so frightfully sad, I’ve found, is a huge lack of fulfillment. We don't do what we love, for either— [ 1 ] we aren’t living life the way we want to (since we keep doing things we feel we're supposed to do) OR [ 2 ] because Mama, Papa and Mrs. Carter next door feel that struggling is the only way, and project their traditional beliefs onto us. Either way, whether or not we consciously realize this, subconsciously, we're all hurting because of it. Badly.

That lingering feeling of emptiness never seems to leave. You feel drained every night when you drop into bed, not because you gave it your all, but because you couldn't. And so, we do the next best thing. Drugs. Maybe not literally, but figuratively. We numb out this subconscious pain by binge watching Netflix shows. We deaden ourselves to that discomfort by reading smut in the bathroom or by playing dumb video games all day. We try (and fail) to extinguish this feeling of not ‘being enough’ by having silly flings or fake friendships.

And ultimately, we NUMB ourselves out to LIFE for we can't bear to live the way we're living. There's a reason why “How to Stop Procrastinating” posts are so popular (they’re a blogger’s most foolproof way of paying the month’s rent, and yes, even I'm guilty of a couple). We’re constantly having FOMO and tuning into others' highlights on social media– completely missing out on our own lives in the process. We fail to realize that the culprit is lack of genuine purpose more than zero self-control (or maybe it’s both, but that’s a tale for another day).

[On a side note, obviously I did generalize a bit– video games can be a passion for you, watching shows a way of winding down. But for most, they’re only DISTRACTIONS, just another way of ignoring the calls of life by hanging up the phone.]

   And here's the bitter truth about depression: The longer you wait to start living authentically, the more you start tuning out the inner cries wanting change, the faster your dreams start to ebb away, and the more you'll want to become insignificant. And to me, that's the scariest part of this journey to my dream life.

Nothing frightens me more than knowing that the moment I stop pushing, the very moment I give in to distractions and fears, my goals will stop manifesting themselves and I'll be stuck in this small town with its small people eternally. And THAT, I'm certain, won't be any more fun than working your way through a soggy ham sandwich, ironic as soggy is what life has become. (Yes, I have a thing against soggy sandwiches. They were a kid's worst lunch nightmare.)

   If you relate, and I’m sure you do (it’s probably why you stopped scrolling through cheesy fanfic for ten minutes to read this, I know you amigo) — here are six ways to NOT be depressed. Or more accurately, to gift wrap yourself some sweet ol’ happiness.

You're a Samurai and the Following Be Your Katanas —

Hol’ up. The second you reach the End Card, I want you to drop your Cheerios and implement at least THREE of these six strategies. Just follow the Takeaways, I've made this really simple. And as a rule, one of them has to be this one. (Look, don't whine. If you wanna climb outta that dark hole, you gotta put in some effort. So pop that booty, and let’s get down to business!)

Here’s the most truthful, though cheesy thing I’ll ever say: I would be nowhere I am today without this blog. If not for it, I would most likely be weeping in a dug-out hole somewhere, drowning in my salty little pond of tears and chiming every loser’s favorite words (“there's no point”). Creating this blog gave me a definite purpose – putting out fiery content, dipping myself deep into my newly found passion for writing and influencing, and connecting with other conquerors on the platform.  

I meet a lot of folks, whether at Sad School, Mouldy Mall, or Boring Bus stop, who always seem to be in a state of death-inducing boredom. When asked about their favorite thing to do, they’ll mumble “sleep” or “food” like Siri narrating your cat’s evening routine. And then you see adults, dragging through life mindlessly. Utterly clueless, floating like a piece of driftwood in an ocean bubbling with life. My sympathy quota gets overdosed everytime I think about it.

   To spell it out, find something to do. Anything! Learn a language, try some ballet, take pictures of your neighbor's rose garden, make an art piece and show it to your mom, stitch buttons onto shirts for fun, heck, make an entire shirt out of buttons, take a break from reading smut to write your own, frutify your farts, WHATEVER, just get up and move.

And here’s why – nay, not to keep you engaged or make you feel less worthless, not that bullcrap. It’s to put in gear the journey of figuring out what is the shite that you love doing. Too often we get stuck thinking about what our oh-so-great passion is. Get this, passion is energy. A spark for something. A magical fortune cookie which, when cracked, seems to explain everything, gives you the very reason for being alive. You can only feel that fire, that wild love, when you actually do it. So get cracking is all I’ll say!

Takeaway:

Attempt something. Nah, scratch that, imagine you’re in a sweet shop with shelves lined with free samples and try everything. Pick up that Polaroid cam, take that dreaded history course, buy that children’s cooking kit– in short, start working. Pull out all the stops, get curious, and get creative. In the process, if you promise to try hard enough, you WILL (money back guarantee) find out what makes your little heart burst with mad happiness and would willingly do for free, if needed, because you really are that crazy about it. And that, my dear, will be your oh-so-great-indeed passion. Have no doubt, you’ll never be “bored” again.

Real talk, having a dream is a big deal. And unfortunately, I’ve witnessed, rarely anyone has one to begin with. They’re either more dead than the cheap skeleton I bought for Halloween or believe they have a dream, but in reality, it belongs to mom, dad, or Uncle Sammy. Listen, doing something for someone you love (my Uncle Sammy used to supply me with cold cash whenever he came around, loved that guy) is great! YET, if you’re willing to throw away your life to fulfill others’ expectations, convincing yourself it's because they love you, even when YOUR lonely heart craves bigger things than just a marketing job, then you, my friend? Are the biggest fool. Don’t get offended, we both know it, this girl needn't ramble.

Recently, my relatives were over (nope, sadly not Uncle Sammy) and my cousin and I had a chat about life (correct, I grab every opportunity to do so). It wasn't very exciting I must say, he kept staring off into the distance (I wonder why), but what he SAID is what I'll talk about. After I’d gushed about my dreams, he asked skeptically if being an influencer would still be an ambition two years from now when I graduate. I raised my eyebrows, mock hurt, like eff you son, I ain’t giving up on my dreams! But that question got me thinking.

Life is wild. Unpredictable. An unexpected call, a single person, a random BLOG POST (cough) – can turn your life upside down, sometimes in the affirmative, other times not. This variability of life isn’t uncommon, and everyone experiences some part of it– unpaid student loans, failing startups, talent and art going unnoticed in industries dominated by wealth and connections, you name it. If all of that doesn’t make you run for the Himalayas and abandon any dreams, throw in a quick side dish of dysfunctionale famiglia with a sprinkle of self-image issues.

It ain’t easy, darling. The world is one cruel headmistress; it loves slapping awake the daydreamers and wishful thinkers. That hasn't ever actually stopped the dropouts and class clowns from building castles in the air though. And the common blueprint you notice they follow? Let me introduce you to…  Madness. Obsession. Maniacal obsession, to say. (Yes, I'm done playing with my words.)

   I struggled writing this point. A pestering voice in my head kept mumbling – They'll go back to doing the same sad shit anyway. Um, does anyone even read your posts? Lol, call yourself an influencer, hun. Hesitation started creeping in. Then the irony of the situation struck me. I laughed, shook my head and got back to typing.

We ran out of juicy gossip weeks ago, so here’s your tea served cold: insecurities and self doubt WILL get in the way. That whiny voice was just a mild version of what you face when you go all in. Fear traps you in its cage, and those who prattled behind your back now progress to talking shit in your face. Criticism and self doubt resurfaces, so unless your defenses are strong, you'll be crushed. Destroyed REAL quick.

When hell breaks loose (oh honey, and it WILL), your self defense comprising of maniacal obsession must be well learnt. Let them attack, mock, heck, drag you away from the desk and hurl you at the top of a damn mountain, but you better STILL hike back down, show them the middle finger, and continue working. That's how bulletproof you've gotta be. That's how madly do you have to love your dreams. And if you really think this will be a cake walk or want to continue complaining about Stuart being born with a silver spoon, hop off the train already. Your destination isn't on the tour list.

Look, my dreams terrify me. But they certainly make me feel more alive than complying with what every parent said about getting good grades and holding together a roof on my head. My ambitions set me free, give me a reason to fucking live. And yet, every now and then, something makes me question them. A fear engulfs me, some doubter proclaims I suck, someone I love is so blinded they can't see my vision. And that's okay. My defenses are way stronger. The next day rolls round, and you'll find me hustling again, thriving again. All because I know that even if no one reads my posts (the worst case scenario, I know y'all love me lol), someday in the future, someone will. I know that even if I’m not an influencer yet, if just one reader becomes a conqueror because of my words, it would be a win. A big win. I'd have done my job. All because I’m wildly, yes maniacally, obsessed with my dreams.

So hey, cousin? This influencer thing? This will be my dream long after I've graduated. Till the day I die, and maybe even then I'll rise from my grave to give a dead pal a lively pep talk. My watchtower has just been upgraded, so thank u, next.

Takeaway: 

“General, we've arrived!” Finally! Position those cannons, Martha, let’s talk them through the defenses. All aboard? AHOY MATEY! (wait, that was one for the pirates). Step one, dare to create a dream in your mind’s eye. The bigger, the crazier, and the scarier, the better. Doesn’t matter how impossible it is, don’t care how many voice their opinion against it, just imagine, keep a million possibilities in mind.

Once you see the life you truly want (you’ll know, everything will seem to zing)— have a sip. Become OBSESSED for that life. Thirst after that vision, itch to manifest it, and pine for the satisfaction that’ll come to your soul once it’s made a reality. Fall madly in love with the process and how magical it feel when you do it. And THEN, bellow a loud war cry and charge headfirst into battle, shields held high at all the criticisms. We conquerors never cared much for them anyway.

(play ♬) Picture this: forehead stamped with beads of sweat. Calloused hands working their fingers to the bone and eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. Conjure an image where powerful beats are pulsing hard in your ears, synced with your own elevated heartbeats, and you’re thriving. Performing. Winning. Guess the secret to that? Preparation. Champions prepare. You can’t throw anything to the winds or rely on ‘luck’ or chance to conquer.

Tough days are in everyone’s calendar, be it your extra cheerful neighbor, Sally, or lone wolf classmate, Derrick. We’ve all found ourselves sulking over an awful situation, scooping into mint ice cream to forget mistakes, errands, and ghosting exes. Yet guess what? The solution isn’t the proclaimed “be positive!” or “It all happens for a reason, don’t you worry” - the key is coming up with a method to dodge the discouraging effect these hiccups have on us.   

So every bad day, I bring out a mason jar containing a knot of chits and one secret letter which is, on most days, kept hidden on the top shelf of my cupboard. I make myself comfortable on the bed, read all my bits of paper carefully, including the letter addressed to yours truly, close my eyes, and mentally fight back whatever’s bringing me down.

A short while later, I get up, now a warrior, and go slay the rest of the day like it was my last one on this planet. That jar is my jar. A Conqueror’s jar. One look at those powerful reminders, and I’m grounded once again, the beast within me now unleashed to kill.

Takeaway:

Honey, go get yourself a jar. Along with some papyrus and ink. Then start jotting down. Document past victories, future visions, fears that mean zilch to the person you’re about to become, batty goals you’ve still gotta chase, reminders that the majority will never understand what it is you’re tryna do here, and how that’s perfectly alright 'cause you'll find your conquerors, your squad one day. Create your victory jar. And then go knock ‘em down dead. Bad days stand no chance against you. You’re a winner, a fucking rebel. Go take what’s yours.

Y’know, I’m perfectly aware that many muggles reading this will whine that dealing with depression ain’t no piece o’ pie and it’s hella hard to get up and take the crown when you feel like a pile of dino dung.

Stop it. Get some help. (See what I did? Like Michael- ok ok, calm thyself.) For real though, and I’m tired of repeating this with my kitten stamped microphone (but I’ll keep at it ‘cause it’s that significant) – whining is WORTHLESS. It saps up precious energy that could be used to make life a scrumptious smoothie. (Loothie? As in life + smoothie? Right, yes, I’m shutting up.)

And even THEN, we find denizens complaining about slow WiFis and thin crust pizzas and how the market’s down and the government’s incompetent. Because blabbering makes us feel important. Heard. But keeping yo’ trap shut and actually doing stuff? Hustling for your dreams when nobody’s watching? Actually walking the talk? C’mon, Emma, don't be naive, ain’t nobody getting recognition for that.

Trust me, I get it. The world is yet to become a feminist, turns out your boyfriend was cheating on you while you were looking up wedding dresses, mommy’s a drunk loser, and idiots are being voted into office. It’s a lot to handle. But thanks to our immense and ever increasing population (we folks really love our rumpy pumpy, can you tell) — there will surely be one chum, facing exactly the same misfortunes as you, but still turning up at every party and bulk-spamming his friends with puppy pictures while you sit and wail. (One Moaning Myrtle is enough, thank you very much.)

Look, I’m not undermining your worries or obstacles. I’m only reminding that you have the marvelous choice of positivity. To CHOOSE hope and a better future when others won't. To FIND (and it's always possible) something to look forward to even when the to-do’s a big snore. To KNOW, deep inside, that you're a magnificent conqueror, no matter what mess you’re in at the moment, and that the world dances to your rhythm. Realise that it's up to you to let yourself be happy. At any moment, you have the very say-so to get up and start rocking. Dumbledore said it himself, “It is our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” So choose better, and you’ll unconsciously do better as well. And yes, that being said, this is the last HP reference, don't fret. Be positive instead. (Edit: Ha, look at these quips, the girl's all grown up now.)

Takeaway: 

Your new occupation is to be a sunflower. If you think back, you'll probably recall Miss Honey rattling on about phototropic movement in AP biology. No? Me neither. Point is, sunflowers always face the sun. Put them ANYWHERE, hide them in the dungeons, throw them in a trash bag and shoot it off to the moon, they’ll still turn around and face the sun. No matter what. And taking inspo from that, you too can stop scripting creative soliloquies for being depressed. Happiness is YOUR right, YOUR priority, don't let anyone take it away from you or diminish its importance. DON’T let sadness ruin your vibe, do what you've gotta do to protect yourself. Track happiness in yo’ journal, set 84 reminders on your phone, and tattoo “Long as you’re beaming up at the sun, all the shadows will be left behind” on your boobs. Do whatever, just don’t turn the corners of your mouth down. You’re so pretty this way.

The other day, I was doing the deathly Plié Alternative Heel Lifts (these names, I swear) and my legs felt dead. Gone. Put to sleep like the Wicked Witch of the East. Now obviously, the timer wasn’t not even halfway done yet, but my cheeks were already flushing red like dear Santa, and NOT because I was high on choco chip cookies. I sighed, and at that point, I was so over giving up. All this while, I’d been whining and protesting because my muscles felt sore, but in that moment, I made up my mind. I bit my lip and kept going. On and on. Keep pulsing, you got it, don't stop, was the mantra I kept chanting.

   Won’t sugarcoat it, I honestly hadn’t died this much since that time Miss Honey buried me alive with trig assignments. My legs were now basically Play-doh and I was shaking, fighting for balance. A few seconds in though, something crazy happened. My legs went numb. My grumbling mind quietened and the pain vanished. That evening, I had the upper hand, not my physical perceptions of myself. I was powerful. Flawless. (Hey Santa, do you even lift bro?) Real talk, I was in the Zone, bitches.

I’m not sure if that was the result of excessive pain or because Wonder Woman’s spirit possessed ma bod, but staying loyal to my love for metaphors, I’ll use the experience to explain what I’m tryna get at here.

   Look, here’s the real deal — if all of the greats gave up the second things got frowny, we probably would have no one to worship. Nix role models, nix inspirations, none to stalk on Insta - we’d all be bumbling about like Sad from the even sadder Emoji movie (no shade, emojis be lit).

And that'd be very sad (pun definitely intended). Hence, cue some tangible ways to boosting your grit, so that you can be your own superhero:

1) Get yo’self a goddamn motto,

2) Know your “Why,”

3) Repeat the cycle till it’s in your blood. Btw, Shawn, if you here, I’m still a single pringl—HEY PAL I SEE YOU, DON'T SCROLL.

Seriously, don't brush these prime steps aside. We're always going for the advanced modes, and deeming these basic levels a waste of time. Well guess what, compadre, YOUR LIFE IS A GODDAMN WASTE O’ TIME IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR BASICS RIGHT. Excuse my outburst, but listen. You can’t do a hundred bicep curls on your first workout if you haven't lifted anything more than a crisps packet. Likewise, if you simply jump into Life one day, and decide “ok, here it is, 12 habits to build, sleep schedule to fix, man to ask out, let's go,” you ain't getting nowhere, chum. Start small. Take baby steps. It's clearly not as fun (definitely negates the bragging on Facebook part of it) but it'll stick. You’ll create a consistency that not even Grandma's cake batter can achieve.

1. Talking mottos — For context, a motto that I always mutter (my mom thinks I'm cursing, oh what a bad child) every time I spill milk while making coffee is “Do more. Give more. BE more.” Not only does it help me stay right on track for the rest of the day but it helps me clean up my mess, figuratively and otherwise, or I’d just be sitting in a puddle of spilt milk, cursing adulting for real this time and with more laundry to do.

2. Why you need the Big Why — Owning up, I’m guilty of attempting to learn Welsh for less than 48 hours because I hadn't a single reason to speak the language. A similar thing happened with half of my 2018 resolutions, which had a bunch of rubbish like “Floss daily”, something my eyes got trained to skip because, um, who the hell flosses every day?

Lame humor aside, I still workout almost daily because I have my Why straight. 1) I want to feel good about my body and get closer to the confident badass I envision my future self to be, 2) I simply HAVE to sustain my health to live to build my legacy and fulfill my dreams of opening a bakery at 90 and 3) Because I’m an influencer, and want to walk my talk and be the inspiration people need. Those are the reasons as to why I turn up to my yoga mat everyday, shut my jabbering mind, and keep on pulsing. This “Why” strategy applies to everything. Wanna get outta depression? Why? Wanna lose 20 pounds? Why? Wanna listen to your dentist’s desperate pleadings and floss already? WHY EH? Unless you know your intentions, you’ll give up at the first chance you get to not act on your goals. And watch out, because there'll be a LOT of those.

For me, leaving a legacy behind means more than having a slice of cake or missing a workout because there’s a fun movie playing. Find what's important to YOU, make it your why, and go marry your goals.

3. And then, Repeat — Bear in mind, if you're not living your best life yet, there are NO weekends. NO work-shy days. No weak days, no pick-me-up days, no eat-candy-do-nothing days. Everyday is a damn Monday. EVERYDAY is life or death. Every holy day you wake up is a chance to push your limits, challenge your mindset, and see how far you can go. And every 24 hours, when the cycle starts again, it’s your mission to race to build a stronger, wiser and crazier you.

And who knows, perhaps one day, you and I will just be casually sipping tea in our dream home, laughing at how the milk is still being spilt but knowing, proudly, fiercely, that we’ve come so far, even though there’s still more left to do, more to give and so much more to be.

Takeaway: 

Quit quitting. You're, guaranteed, 20x stronger than you think. I doubted I could go through with the workout, it seemed beyond my present physical capabilities. But I did, because I treated it as life or death. Understand this, the second you start making excuses, for being depressed, for taking an unnecessary day off - you give away your power. You are a very powerful being. You're limitless, capable of everything.

I'm not throwing these words around to make you feel cute, I actually mean AND believe them. There’s so much that's been done already— the iconic four minute mile by Roger Bannister, invention of the light bulb, cars, toothpaste and other junk, people who lost both legs and climbed Mt. Everest, we sent a man to moon in frickin’ 1969 (50 YEARS ago), some ran a 26 mile marathon with zero training, love and hope is still strong in this world, oh let's also add coffee and motivational music— and YOU think you can't finish a workout or get outta depression or meet your idols or marry the man of your dreams or become the artist you wanna be? Ridiculous. Don't give away your power that easily, this ain't no charity shop.

(play ♬) Having personally dealt with unwelcome yet familiar feelings of emptiness quite often, I’ve now reached a point where each bad day is simply a reminder of how long my journey ahead is, and just how badly I want to reach my destination.

We finally near the end of this novel of a post (thanks for sticking around, bud), and my best advice would be this: Rather than wallowing in self pity and throwing one-man parties because your life is so awfully dreadful, know that even when life throws you to the floor, long as you can look up, long as you can read an entire book about defeating depression (cough)– you can GET UP too. Let those emotions of sorrow and frustration blaze up into a roaring, crackling fire that doesn’t consume you, but instead, urges you, fuels you.

Lately, no matter how much shit I go through, how many arguments I tumble into, or how barren my dreams look sometimes, I don’t break down. And no, it wasn't always like this. I never even had aspirations to name two years ago. Six months back, it had become a night routine to cry. Not anymore.

Now, every setback and every failure only pushes me to be stronger and give more than I ever gave. The day I made the decision to Conquer (truly, madly, deeply, with all of my heart) was also the day I said a big, loud ‘fuck you’ to every resistance that was to cross my path. I had finally understood that life was nothing but a battle of WILLS, that it was all in or nothing, and I made up my mind once and for all to NEVER give in to depression, or to society, or to anyone who tells me I cannot make it.

I had conquered depression. There was no looking back now.

Takeaway: 

Here’s something no one will tell you: the key to bringing depression to its knees is seeing it positively. Pretend that it's a friend continuously sending strong, aggressive signals urging you to be happy. And what do you do when a caring friend throws some holy light? You listen, push past your ego, and follow accordingly.

And if that parallel seems unconvincing, here's another one (sup, DJ Khaled. This post is turning musical, sorry): it's scared of you. Depression is scared shit of you. Y'know how bullies are, right? Majorly insecure, self-loathing too perhaps, hardly fans of self love, and always trying to numb all that subconscious pain by inflicting pain on others. Depression has the same instruction manual. Your fears and doubts are your (pathetic) bullies, and depression is the big ol’ crony who does the dirty work for 'em.

Whenever you decide shit this is it, I'm going for it, they go paranoid and try stopping you because they've seen no better. And if they succeed, BOOM, you're depressed, paralyzed, your qualms reigning over you again. Don't let them in. I'll say it a thousand times if I gotta because I want (HAVE) to see you conquer – you're so much stronger than you think you are. You can do so much more than you think. It's all in your head! Don't just sit there, click away, and go back to living a sad life. You’re better than that. DO better than that. You’re meant to freaking CONQUER, straight-up dominate, my pal. Pay heed to that voice craving freedom. You got this. And you better know it.

One thing’s fixed like the (beloved by all) proportionality constants in Physics, you will come across depressing mornings and sluggish evenings even in the future. I assure you. Lots o’ bad hair days in the calendar, sis. But here's what you’ll do: you'll deactivate the miserable thoughts, keep a cool head, remind yourself that this is yet another test (better, rap your new mantra) and USE that hurt, pain, and anger to create a fervor and passion that wreaks havoc on its obstacles and drives you to accomplish EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to do. The easy choice would be to just give up, bellyache about the situation, and want sympathy for your worries. Yet, what you'll never do is… exactly that.

Rule 1) NEVER give up. Stand your ground. Have faith in your strength. Know that you'll have your way soon enough anyway. Rule 2) NEVER complain. All it does is drain your energy, that precious fire you could to high jump your way into the clouds. Makes you a pathetic wimp too, definitely not something you want on a warrior’s resume. Lastly, Rule 3) NEVER seek validation. From anyone. It sure feels nice to be acknowledged and encouraged, but grasp this— this is your journey. YOUR life and YOUR vision. Validation won't get you anywhere, for there'll never be enough of it.

Cuz Marty, if you're tryna bring something new, different, and authentic into this world – you'll most likely be hated on badly, before you'll be loved madly (hi, me a rapper). Learn to invite hate instead—IMPORTANT: hate from others, not yourself. Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the real tea: hate is good. It means you're standing up for something, refusing to fit like a puzzle piece in society, and being UNAPOLOGETICALLY yourself. And it’s certainly a sign that you’re on the right path if you can ignore that hate and stick your tongue out at it.  

Yet another reason to never seek validation is simply this: you have to fight for yourself. In order to meet your own expectations, reach the doorstep of the best version of you, and transform this world, you'll have to go wildly IN. Toil and hammer away. Shut out all the haters and non-believers, listening only to your gut. Importantly, learn to accept the rejection slips, validating yourself not with what Molly says about it being okay, but with the reminder that your time is coming soon. Depend on yourself. Validation will NEVER be enough.

I get it, it's a lot of homework, but perhaps you already realize that it’s THIS work that'll change your life forever. Not “how to not procrastinate, Jesus take the wheel” or “HELLO, life's a mess so here are ten things to do (you won't believe number four!)”. Clickbaits don't work, stop believing that a fancy planner is going to be your savior. There is no rule to making your life a masterpiece. You'll have to get to know yourself and your dreams (journaling, meditation, silent pondering), build the work ethics and the mentality needed (lots of work in this one, yet no strict framework to go about it) and GET GOING.

AND with that firework, I'll begin to slip away now. Again, I won’t say it’s easy, that’s cock and bull. Life’s no fairytale. You will never feel ready to start bringing your dreams to fruition. But, my darling (I’m being so nice yo, follow me), you must. You must force yourself to work for the future you want till it becomes a habit, an obsession. The world badly needs heroes; confident people who can stand for themselves so that others can stare at first, maybe even hate a little, but then follow because they seem unstoppable and are, truthfully, having the most fun at life. YOU'RE one of them. No validation, just plain facts.

You see, conquering is a LOT of blood and sweat (K-pop, anyone? BTS? Lmao, this is me tryna clickbait y'all to read). Even getting up will seem huge when you're just starting out, and this is one long road, dear pal. Still then, I have enough faith in you to hope you don't give into your fears, I hope you willingly chase discomfort, and I hope you find the courage to do all that you want to do, while that heart's still beating.

I hope you conquer. I'll do too, and I'd really like to see some familiar faces during the ride.

Peace, amigo.

A loud ass A/N: And now, we come the most important part of this post. WAKE UP Luke, stop snoring, and take some notes. Remember kids, I won't accept anything but an A.

   If you couldn’t identify yourself throughout this post and currently are scoffing like um woman, that's not really why I'm depressed, hang in there a sec. Yes, you can stop singing It Ain’t Me now. You've a very nice voice by the way.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't have enough exposure to know why so many earthlings are depressed today. HOWEVER, by talking to many, following their stories, watching and reading stuff – I do know with firm conviction that a majority suffers from severe unfulfillment. Don't believe me? A study shows 85% of the working class worldwide hate their jobs. Do you realize what that actually means? EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT of the THREE BILLION PEOPLE employed today, hate being employed in the first place! They do it for prime survival, to sustain themselves. And that's just jobs. I won't scare you, but 50% (yes, HALF, you heard that right) of students HATE going to school. Kids waste SEVEN hours of their life every day going somewhere they dislike, doing something they hate. Who's singing now?

People find themselves trapped in golden handcuffs, taking the paycheck despite the passionless job. They push aside the art and business they love, to become a slave of good ol’ cash. Several surround themselves with negativity and get frustrated when unable to escape the choking (no, not THAT kind again, hello someone pour holy water over this post) atmosphere. An innumerable are forced into taking up courses that they don't care about under parental pressure. The reasons are endless, and I don't think I'll amuse myself listing all the sad excuses.

This has always been the story. Hundreds of influencers have preached the same words I’m tryna put into your head here and you’ll yourself say you’ve heard this a million times. YET, you’re dissatisfied. YET, you feel like crap everyday, feeding yourself the same lie that the next day will be better, that you’ll get up tomorrow– while you let life beat the shit out of you.

That’s why, all of my words, everything you’ve read today - all of that boils down to just one single question. A difficult but necessary choice. Will you let this happen to YOU? Will you, seriously, even after this wild ride together, go back to doing nothing and being nothing? Will you, for real, continue deceiving yourself, sacrifice your happiness for the sake of pleasing everyone else, and remain a statistic on a website?

   (play ♬) If you’re not sure of your answer, read: Look, making you feel guilty is not my intention, because that’s not how this works. I need you to understand instead. Guilt wears off, it’s only understanding that brings about change. So, just for old times’ sake, I’ll rant a bit more (ik, just can’t seem to leave y’all).

You’re so, so young right now. More than half of your life is yet to be experienced. None of this probably makes much impact right now but it will the day you die. Remember, on your deathbed, you won't EVER look back and say, “Damn, wish I'd spent more time at the office. Saved up just one more dollar. Could’ve got that promotion before Amy.” Nay, it won’t even be on the calendar. That day, one foot in the grave, you'll reflect and wonder why the heck you didn’t let yourself be happier. Why you took up that lacklustre, soul-sucking architect job when all you've ever wanted to do is keep laughing. Why you didn't ask your crush out, why you were so afraid to walk up to that audition, because dammit, you could’ve been running your own comedy show by now. Why you dragged around a karaoke machine all this time instead of singing your own song. Why you couldn’t love yourself. Why you submitted. Why.

And the moment you realize that you hadn't lived a life for you, you’ll be crushed. Broken. The arthritis in your grannie joints won't even compare and neither will the mild dissatisfaction you’re feeling right now. Those whys will haunt you, they'll terrorize you, break you. It'll hurt tremendously to know that there isn't a single thing in your long life that you could call completely your own.

 With every death today so many dreams are left unachieved, crazy things left unchecked on the bucket list, and unique potential left unexpressed.

DON'T let that be you. Please. I'm still a mess myself, struggling to reach class on time and studying subjects that aren't exactly fun, when all I want to do is create content (read: fireworks) that is at a level of insanity, influence folks to do better, hold crazy world tours and meet-and-greets to give hugs, and get an adorable puppy so I can create a dogstagram (yes, I'm that mom). Sure, I could declare it's too hard, hang onto small-minded and negative people who whine endlessly, and follow the crowd, getting lost in it, with ease.

But I won’t because I can’t take the burden of those regrets. That painful unrest and discontent that nothing could cure, not drugs, alcohol, buddies, not even true love. For then I’d be just another drone, my controller in the hands of society, forcing me to see the world through its eyes. I can’t give in because I’m scared, terrified even, of wasting away this one life doing the bidding of others- folks who won't even notice when I’m gone.

It’s easy to be depressed and crib your entire life. It’s easy to think you’re worthless and that trying is pointless since nothing ever goes your way.

But perhaps, if you rise, if you simply DECIDE to have the audacity to fight for what you believe in, if you work and focus on becoming better, things will go your way. Life will bend to you, in awe, at your incredible relentlessness. Life will take one look at you, wonder who the fuck is this person? How the fuck are they so incapable of giving up? And back right away. And then perhaps, life will be such a blast for you that depression would become the past you never had.

   I know you can get there, conqueror. It’s time you knew it too.

🌚🌝 Further reading? 🌝🌚

Last Post :— How To Get Back Into The Creative Process – For you, if you're in a creative rut. Get outta it and go create magic!

5 Reasons Why You're Unhappy — To help you identify & cut out CURRENT sources of sadness so that you can spice up yo’ life with some happiness instead. Definitely recommend reading AND implementing.

The Bubble Trap & How To Get Out Of It — One of my classics. Everyone is in one of these 'bubbles’ till they consciously do something about it; that's just how it is. Are you still in one? (Someone teach me marketing, lmao.)

The 5 Biggest Regrets of The Dying (from Greatist) — I LOVED reading this. Pretty much all you need to cut the crap and do meaningful stuff. Read it, memorize it, work it.

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Thanks for dropping by! It was a pleasure to have you around. If you wish to stick for a bit, I'd suggest picking one of the related posts mentioned above.

If you wanna check out my blog, here's a little something about me (y'all know I love the attention). What do I write about? Three arenas I dominate, Work, Lifestyle and Life, they are, my mate! Take your pick!

I post new blog posts bi-weekly, and my wins, & journal entries throughout the week, so follow me if you're into conquering life, leaving a legacy and being the baddest badass you can possibly be. I'll be your side pal, cheering you along.✨

And that was it, it's a wrap! Martha, shut the cams, Henry, pause the audio, and Nandita, I know you're pretending to be deaf, but Mom's yelling something about doing the dishes. Better skip along.

And you, fellow conqueror? Keep slaying life, doing the work and making it count. I hope you're well, stay strong and go conquer life. ✧

I'm sending you so much love, see you soon.

— Nandini 💌 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[fvthomsbclow]

COURTNEY EATON,  GENDERFLUID,  THEY/THEM.  —  looks  like  LUKE ANDERSEN is  attending   AURORIA UNIVERSITY  in  auradon.  they're  the  TWENTY year  old  child  of  ARIEL & ERIC ( * adoptive ! ) ,  which  means  they're  from  ATLANTICA.  heard  they're  HONEST  &  CRAFTY,  but  can  also  be  EASILY DISTRACTED &  SELF-SERVING  ;  we all have our bad days.  people  normally  associate  them  with  LOOSE WHITE SHIRTS BLOWING IN THE BREEZE, WHISPY BRAIDS OF DARK HAIR, STANDING ON A BEACH IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORM, CRASHING WAVES ALONG THE DECK OF A SHIP.  —  hylia,  9teen,  est,  she & they.

                                 when i’m sad , oh god i’m sad ,                                  but when i’m happy, i am happy                                  and there’s just no place in-between                                  for us to meet.                                  playlist. pinterest. to listen as you read.

howdy folks !! so my name is HYLIA , and I’m here to play the sailor datemate of my dreams , LUKE ANDERSEN. I’m still sort of getting the hang of them since they’re a very new character , so I’m sorry if this intro is all over the place !! No TWS for now save for mentions of death , the ocean , and drowning. Hopefully this isn’t too messy ! 

HISTORY

So Luke is adopted - the child of one of King triton’s servants who passed away from illness. Originally , Triton was going to take them in himself , but instead , Ariel volunteered to care for the little merbaby and raised them as her own. As a result , Triton gave Luke the ability to grow legs on dry land as well as a tail when touched by large amounts of saltwater.

But , they weren’t told of their true heritage as a child. So they believed they were a human for the longest time.

They grew up loving both of their parents to the max but it was DEFINITELY evident they took after Eric more so. They wanted to travel , wanted to explore - and their dad , with his ship and naval prowess , was their hero. So from a very young age , they would accompany their dad on his travels.

It went to the point in which they were taught to pilot a ship themselves - and they even asked for one for their sixteenth birthday. Nothing else , just a vessel of their own. And they got one , naming it The Queen Jocasta. 

First voyage on The Queen Jocasta resulted in an attack by pirates - sixteen year-old Luke tossed off the side of the ship , thinking they were about to drown. But , that power they were unaware of for all this time shifted their legs into a tail , and at that point they realized , Wow , Mom and Dad really haven’t told me SHIT. 

So that was when they were explained that yeah , they were originally born a mermaid , and yeah , they were royalty both on the surface and under the sea. And that prompted Luke to spend a year in the ocean to get to know their mother’s family - returning to the surface to finish their time in Auradon Prep afterwards. This meant they graduated a year later at nineteen. 

And then when that was over , Luke decided ‘ hey, I’m gonna take a trip all around Auradon by BOAT ’ since... that’s their brand , and spent another year just sailing around the different parts of Auradon ( and on the outside of it ) for the fun of it. They’re only just now getting back to Auradon to attend Auroria. 

PERSONALITY & FACTS

So one may describe Luke as an ‘old soul’ - they’re very laid back and relaxed , for the most part , keen on their interests and someone who really seems to know a lot beyond how old they are.

Extremely intelligent - there’s a rumor going around that Luke has an eidetic memory , but they won’t confirm or deny it. ( It’s true. )

OBVIOUSLY AGAIN, OCEAN CHILD. Luke loves the ocean and always hangs out on beaches or the docks if they’re not on their actual boat. Because Luke doesn’t have a dorm - no , Luke sleeps on The Queen Jocasta in their cabin. Captain’s quarters and all that. 

They love traveling just for the sake of traveling , and they can read a map like it’s nobody’s business.

Big into the classics like art and music DESPITE the fact they can’t paint , draw - but they can carry a tune well and for that reason , they play guitar nicely. 

Honestly they’re smart and into the classics and shit but also this can come off as slightly pretentious since they don’t hesitate to remind people how good of a thinker they are - they don’t say it , but they show it. 

Also they know how to dance , taking ballet classes when they were younger !! It’s just not something they remind anyone of much.

One more class they took was swordfighting in attempts to learn how to defend themselves . . . and yes , they’re great at it. Scary great.

In terms of a more direct description of their PERSONALITY , Luke tends to approach situations with again , a very laid back attitude but also one that’s brutally honest. They will let you know if they’re pissed off with you and . . . do have a bit of a temper when their nerves are ticked. Luke’s also got a bit of a dangerous tendency to always think they’re on their own and look after number one ( themselves ) and forgets that they can lean on other people for help. This doesn’t mean they don’t care about their allies - no , they greatly care about them. But Luke’s sort of used to being a mysterious , aloof , brooding traveler that they often forget they now have people they can confide in. 

They’ll do things that perk their interest - Luke really isn’t going to go out of their way for something unless there’s either something in it for them or they have a personal interest. Also , if they care for the person , but yeah.

There’s a slight cynical streak to them for no other reason than the fact they just always think they have to watch their back - and for the fact people have secrets , like their parents keeping the secret they were a mermaid for a good portion of their life. 

I promise they’re not a conceited selfish prick Luke is just VERY . . . aloof. I know I said that before but they’re distant and sort of keep to themselves and what they want. 

Their opinion on the villains and heroes coming together is that they really . . . couldn’t care less. They never were really one to focus too much on the Auradon vs. Isle debacle anyway , but also - they can understand why some VKs are pissed. BUT , since this is Luke we’re talking about - that doesn’t mean they’re going to be exceptionally nice to the villain kids , treating them the same as Auradonian kids - casually , trying to get a read on them , probably the same aloof & ‘I could care less’ demeanor they normally keep up. 

Also I should mention !! Luke is genderfluid , preferring they/them pronouns like stated before - but when addressing them with their royal title , they prefer to be addressed by the title of Prince. But Captain is even more so preferred. 

Captain Luke Andersen just sounds like BDE I’m ,

Listen I love them so much they’re the myserious captain datemate of my dREAAMS

WANTED PLOTS & CONNECTIONS

OKAY SO. When the main puts up their WC page I will be submitting this one but I’d love an ARRANGED MARRIAGE plot for Luke. Basically , arranged while Luke was away traveling - they could either already know this person or are just meeting them now , but they’re not too keen on the idea of arranged marriage but aren’t really doing anything to fight it since it is what it is. They can either get along or hate each other , be best buddies or the like , but I think it’d be so funny if Luke - a wayward soul - was supposed to be arranged to marry someone who always has to make sure they’re not getting into trouble or something since Luke . . . CANNOT stay in the same place. At all. Bonus if this person is super duper sweet and polite in contrast to Luke’s nature of being absolutely crass & unrefined.

Their fiance: I’m so sorry for them Luke: I’m not, peace sign + middle finger motherfucker 

And if this evolves in2 an actual ship that’d b up to chemistry n shit but the main idea I had was just. An arranged marriage. Rly we can do whatever n I’d b cool w/ it.

I’d love a crew for them pls. Again - this can be with both Auradon and Isle kids , since Luke gives no shits , but I’d imagine there’s a few Auradon kids who’ve been with Luke for quite some time.

PIRATE RIVALS PLSSSSS bc I know some Isle kids are pirates and that’s B^) juicy shit 2 me.

In general I’d just rly like some friends who try to get past Luke’s aloof & distant & brooding(tm) nature and let them b... soft n stuff.

also friends in general?? great. gimme soft platonic shit bc mgod thats what gets me all the damn time

if there are some royal kids out there who wanna bfriend luke’s ass since childhood n will stick w/them... give it to me.

Flings that Luke’s had either traveling or also just in Auradon in general bc uh yeah they’re lowkey a huge flirt 

not 2 be THAT guy but Luke is a dreamboat haha... hahaha...

please clap

first love !! maybe !! idk sb who definitely luke had a thing 4 but it got lost in luke being. well. luke.

“my only love is the sea” stfu

gimmE SOME ENEMIES 

AURADON KID ENEMIES

ISLE KID ENEMIES

PPL WHO THINK LUKE IS A FUCKIN PRETENTIOUS DICK BC THEY ARE

PPL WHO ONLY WANNA SEE THEM CRASH N BURN

FRIENDSHIPS THAT TURNED HOSTILE BC AGAIN, LUKE IS... LUKE.

PPL WHO HAVEN’T LIKE LUKE SINCE CHILDHOOD N THEY’VE ALWAYS GOTTEN INTO FIGHTS AND STUFF

I’m so bad writing wcs so maybe one day I’ll sit down and write formal connections so yeah.

BUT YEAH THAT’S IT !! pls pls pls feel free to either like this or hmu for plotting - I highly suggest contacting me on Discord ( rocky lynch lovebot / hylia.#0329 ) bc I’m always on Discord but Tumblr works too !! I promise u guys I don’t bite. I love u all I’m so excited 4 this !!! :^)

[let-it-raines]

Betting on the Bullseye (Part 15)

Summary: Emma Swan loses a bet that means she has to ask her celebrity crush to be her date to her office’s annual fundraising gala. Killian Jones is that celebrity crush. She expects all kinds of humiliation and for her dignity to be completely lost. What she doesn’t expect is for him to say yes.

Rating: Mature

A/N: Remember when this was a one-shot? Ah, those were the days. 

AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15

Tag list: @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @wellhellotragic​ @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91@branlovesouat @dreadpirateemma @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @galaxyzxstark @lifeinahole27 @andiirivera @ultimiflos @hollyethecurious @thejollyroger-writer @superchocovian

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

It’s what she keeps repeating to herself over and over again as her feet hit against the stair climber. She’s tired, she’s sore, and honestly, she just wants to go home. But she’s also determined to get back into her routine, to get all of her pent-up energy out, and to actually break a sweat doing something other than blow drying her hair.

Someone should really figure out how to make blow drying hair a less hot, physical affair. Maybe she’ll do that and become rich.

If only she knew anything about science or physics or whatever would be required for that.

Doesn’t Dyson make a fancy blow dryer that’s supposed to be like that? She thinks they do, but she also knows that it costs half as much as her rent, which is insane. Also, what the hell are the people who make vacuum cleaners doing making blow dryers?

She’s kind of curious. Maybe she should look into that.

Or maybe she’s just been here for too long and her body is starting to fall apart. She’s pretty much soaked in sweat, and she knows that she’s going to have to take a shower here instead of waiting until she gets home. That would just be…unsanitary. So she finishes her workout, all of her limbs screaming at her that she should have stopped long ago, and takes a shower in the locker room, washing away absolutely everything from this hell of a week.

It's been a hell of a week. Or really a hell of a week and a half.

But that’s life. Sometimes work sucks. Sometimes she gets an unexpected or forgotten bill and has to pay it. And sometimes she misses her boyfriend.

But the work week is over tomorrow, she’s paid the bill (if not with some moaning and groaning and knowing that she has to be careful with how much she eats out until the next pay day), and she’s got a seven o’clock flight to Los Angeles tomorrow night. So sometimes life feels like it sucks, but at least there are upsides.

Mary Margaret is cooking her dinner tonight, so that’s at least one upside.

When she pulls up to the Nolan’s house, she gets out of her car and hurries inside while twisting her wet hair up into bun, not caring how bad that is for her hair. It’s weirdly quiet for their house, but she guesses that with Leo already in bed, most of the noise is gone.

“Hello,” she calls, peeking into the living and seeing no one. “Marg? David?” She wanders into the kitchen. The food is out on the counter. It looks like they’re having some kind of chicken. It smells good, but she really just wants to know where her friends are. But then she hears it, and she no longer wants to know where they are. “Oh God, that’s disgusting,” she groans, walking back into the living room and further away from the back sitting room where Mary Margaret and David are going pretty hot and heavy.

Chicken must really turn pregnant women on.

She shudders, a shiver running down her spine while she shakes that thought out of her head. While she knows pretty much everything about Ruby’s sex life, Mary Margaret is pretty quiet on that front, and Emma would like to keep it that way…especially since she now knows that Mary Margaret is not actually quiet.

If she hits her head against the wall three times, will she forget?

Emma: Do you have bleach at your house?

Killian: Um…yes?

Emma: Good.

Killian: Swan, I know I’m not always the best person, but I wouldn’t think you’re coming to my house to murder me.

Killian: And then to use my own cleaning products to cover it up. The betrayal.

Emma: You need to lay off your watching of true crime dramas. It’s putting ideas in your head.

Emma: Also, why the hell would using your own cleaning products be the betrayal? Wouldn’t the murder be the betrayal?

Killian: You know I am very particular about how I keep my house, so my products are all carefully chosen.

Emma: Because you’re weird.

Killian: Aye, now why do you need bleach if not to commit this crime of passion?

Emma: I’m at MM’s, just heard she and David having sex, and I don’t know what you do to make your hearing go away. I figured bleach worked like it would with sight.

Killian: I’ll do some research on that before you get here tomorrow.

Killian: Am I picking you up from the airport?

Emma: Nah, it’ll be late. I’ll Uber.

She hears a door close, hushed voices emanating from across the house, and she’s glad that David and Mary Margaret have finally finished their evening activities. She may never use her key again. At least she didn’t see anything. Then the bleach really would come in handy.

She might be the slightest bit dramatic.

She’s really tired.

“Hello,” she calls out, testing the waters the slightest bit.

“Emma?” Mary Margaret asks, stepping into the living room with a smile on her face and her hair still perfectly in place. How? How is her hair still perfectly in place? Actually, she doesn’t want to know. “Oh good, you’re here. Dinner is all ready. One of my student’s moms gave me a new recipe, and I think you’ll like it a lot. Why is your hair wet?” She shrugs. “I went to the gym. I pretty much ate an entire cake by myself last week, so I’m trying to work all of that off.” She gets up from the couch and wraps her arms around Mary Margaret, feeling Marg’s ever growing baby bump pressing up against her stomach. “Let’s eat.”

-/-

She punches in the code to get in Killian’s gate. If she wasn’t so excited, she’d be dead on her feet. It was a long flight, felt like longer than the last time she took it, and despite the late hour, getting out here took forever. And it was expensive. She probably should have had Killian pick her up, but it’s nearly midnight. He’s usually asleep, especially since just like she’s been trying to get back into exercising, he’s trying to get a normal sleep schedule after basically being all over the places for five months.

Yeah, she’s definitely about to wake him up too.

Sure enough, once she finally gets inside the house, everything is dark, the only light coming from the living room where Killian is passed out on the couch, his forearm thrown over his eyes while half of his body hangs off and threatens to fall to the floor. The television is still on, something about tornados playing, and she laughs a bit to herself thinking about how he fell asleep watching the weather channel.

Weirdo.

Quietly, she puts her bag on the ground and takes the few steps over to him, squatting down next to him and running her hand through his hair, brushing it off of his forehead until his eyes slowly flutter open, lashes moving from his cheeks to his brows and back and forth while he blinks the sleep away.

“Hey, KJ,” she whispers, continuing to gently run her hands through his hair.

“Swan,” he murmurs, his lips forming a small smile while he sits up on his elbows. “Shit, did I fall asleep?”

“Yeah, yeah you did.”

“I didn’t mean to. I meant to wait up and let you in, but obviously I screwed that up. Sorry, I just…I usually fall asleep far too early, normally right after we get off the phone, and I – ”

“Killian?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up and kiss me.” “Well, I do so love when you’re demanding. It really – ”

She cuts him up, knowing exactly what he’s going to say and really not needing to hear his cockiness right now when all she wants to do is kiss him, so she moves closer to him and slides her lips over his. It shocks him a bit. She can tell by the way that he doesn’t immediately kiss her back, but it doesn’t take long before his hand is cupping the back of her head and pulling her closer. She missed him, missed this, and she wonders if being reunited will ever not feel this good. It’s like butterflies in her stomach and cloud nine beneath her feet, and if she wasn’t so damn happy, she’d make fun of herself for having thoughts like that.

When Killian runs his tongue along the seam of her lips, she opens her mouth for him while she gets off the floor and moves on top of him on the couch, trying to keep their lips from parting the entire time. He’s warm, always so warm, and this is one of her favorite things in the world.

Absolutely.

“Hi,” she smiles when she pulls back, her lips hovering so close to his that they brush them when she talks.

Killian reaches up and tucks her hair behind her ears, keeping it from falling in her face and over his. “Hi, love. I’m sorry that I fell asleep.”

“Stop apologizing. That’s ridiculous. But if you want to go upstairs and go to bed, I’d be all for that.”

“Darling, I know I’m irresistible, but I’m not sure if either of us are up for the reunion celebration.” “Well, I know that you’re definitely not up,” she giggles, gently rolling her hips into his while she brushes her lips over his cheek, “but don’t be so conceited. I literally want to go to bed to sleep. Everything else can wait for the morning.” “By everything else you mean breakfast, right?”

“Obviously,” she laughs, rolling off of him with about as much grace as someone on crutches doing ballet before standing up and holding out her hands for him to take so she can tug him up. He makes his weight go dead so that she can’t move him at all, and if he’s going to do that, she’s just going to leave him be, dropping his hands and moving to pick up her bag, slinging it over her shoulder and making her way upstairs.

She’s already washing her face in an attempt to make the smell and feel of airplane vanish by the time she hears Killian make it into his bedroom, flopping down on the bed in a dull thud. She didn’t really get a chance to talk to him today, but whatever he did must have made him absolutely exhausted. Usually he can suffer through it, but he’s down for the count tonight.

How she isn’t, she has no idea.

When she finishes washing her face and brushing her teeth, she walks back into the bedroom, crawling under the covers while Killian twists and turns until he finally ends up on his back. She doesn’t know why he takes so long to get comfortable when he always ends up in one of the same three positions. But she can’t say much. She takes forever to fall asleep, and she knows that she has to twist and turn all night long from the way that her covers look every single morning.

As she settles down in bed, scooting closer to Killian than she really needs to right now, he moves even closer, wrapping his arm around her waist and snaking his hand up her back underneath the hem of her shirt. “Did I tell you that I love you yet? That’s another thing I was going to do when you got here. I was going to tell you that I love you without one of us having to leave. That was number one on my list of things to do.”

“You had a list?”

“That is not the point right now, Swan. The point is that I love you.”

There are those stupid butterflies again, making her stomach twist and flutter and her heart beat a quick, steady rhythm within her chest. Yeah, she’s been waiting to tell him that she loves him in person again too. And not when they’re getting yelled at by airport attendants. It’s not exactly the most romantic setting, but sometimes all of those cheesy romantic declarations of love are overrated. She doesn’t need to be in a room full of flowers and candlelight to feel that way. That’s not real. That’s a rare thing.

She doesn’t want this to be a rare thing.

She absolutely is still in disbelief that she’s in love again. And that it’s this good. She didn’t know it could be like this.

“I like this point,” she tells him, tracing his collarbone with her finger before she caresses his cheek. “I love you too.”

“Good,” he sighs, briefly kissing her, “now that we have that settled, let’s go to sleep like the elderly couple we are.”

“Well, at least you. You’re an entire year older since the last time I saw you.”

“Bloody hell, love, just go to sleep.”

-/-

“We need to go soon.”

She groans, rolling over in bed and pulling the comforter up over her shoulders. His fan is rotating ridiculously fast, and while that was nice earlier when her entire body felt like a furnace, it’s not so nice now as sweat dries on her skin and her body cools down. She doesn’t even know how Killian is even thinking about getting up and going right now. He should be exhausted. She’s exhausted.

They need coffee.

She’d get out of bed for coffee.

She’s not really feeling like getting out of bed and getting ready to go over to Liam and Elsa’s house because Killian told them she was coming in this weekend and Elsa insisted that they meet her. Or that Elsa meets her. She’s met Liam in a spectacular fashion. Actually, when she thinks about it, she’s not sure which Jones brother she had a more interesting first meeting with. In totally different ways but still.

Elsa is great from what Emma can tell from the few times they’ve exchanged a few words over the phone and from the sweet comments she leaves on any pictures Emma posts online (yeah, Elsa followed her on Instagram, and Emma may have done some light stalking when she followed her back. There are some dang cute baby pictures on there.), and as much as she wants to meet her and Aiden, she’s a bit hesitant to see Liam again. She knows there’s going to be a conversation about how he treated her when they met, and she’s a little bit terrified that it won’t go well, that she and Liam won’t get along after all.

She’s over it, has moved on, but she doesn’t want there to be something between them. Liam is the most important person in the world to Killian, and even if he won’t say it, she knows it’s important that she and Liam get along.

So they have to clear the air. That’s all.

Staying in bed seems like a better option right now, though. She only really gets today with Killian, and staying in bed or in his house is something she’d much rather do. But he met her friends, was absolutely terrified to do it, so the very least she can do is go to lunch at his brother’s house.

Besides, she’s heard that Liam is a fantastic cook. Elsa too, but Killian has warned her that she often makes some interesting dishes that they all have to suffer through. That’s pretty much how people most feel about her cooking.

Maybe she and Elsa will be kindred cooking spirits.

Is that a thing? If not, she’s going to make it a thing.

“What is your definition of soon? Like, thirty minutes? An hour? Two hours? Can I take a shower? Do I have to wear makeup? Dry my hair? Because I think I’ve decided I’m not drying my hair anymore until I invent a blow dryer that lets me do it without the room getting all hot.”

Killian chuckles besides her, running his hand over his face before leaning over and tapping his fingers against her shoulder. “What the hell are you on about, Swan?”

“Nothing,” she promises, stretching out her limbs and feeling the pleasant ache everywhere. “Just something I was thinking about the other day. But seriously, when are we eating lunch?”

“One.”

“And what time is it now?”

“Eleven.”

She sighs, her head hitting back against the pillows. She really likes his pillows. And his comforter. And his bed. Maybe she should look into getting something similar for her apartment even if she really can’t be redecorating right now. And her stuff isn’t bad. It’s just not quite this soft. She’s got to give it to Killian. He really knows how to pick out a bed set.

“Okay, I’m going to go shower and get ready. Will you go make me some coffee?”

“It would be my only mission in life, milady.”

She playfully rolls her eyes, getting out of bed and heading toward the shower, turning on the water as she strips out of her clothes. His shower doesn’t take long to heat, and she appreciates that as she steps in. When she turns to the side and sees her preferred shampoo and conditioner on his shelf, she laughs a bit to herself. Did he really go out and buy her stuff? That’s either incredibly thoughtful or he’s just really into how her shampoo smells.

She’s thinking it might be both, especially since Killian did not smell like vanilla when she got here yesterday. The bottle also isn’t open, so she’s leaning more toward him simply being thoughtful.

He probably bought her favorite brand of coffee too. And the creamer. It’s only going to get a little weird if she finds her preferred tampons in the cabinets under the sink.

After she showers, she gets dressed, pulling on some jean shorts and a thin sweater. She can already feel how much hotter it is here than at home, and she’s a little scared to think about how hot it’s going to be when June and July roll around. At least he doesn’t live a little further south because the desert weather is not for her.

When she’s brushing through her hair, Killian comes into the bathroom with her coffee, placing it on the counter before wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing his lips against her neck. He hums, and she feels the vibrations all the way throughout her body, gooseflesh rising across her skin. “Hmm, you smell good.”

Okay, so maybe he’s a bit into how her shampoo and conditioner smell. She can’t say she really minds. She likes his body wash.

You like weird things when in a relationship. Things that seem really creepy if you think about them too much.

“Well, it seems that someone went out and bought me shampoo and conditioner when I brought little travel bottles of it myself.”

He chuckles against her neck while his hands dip underneath her shirt and run up her stomach. His hands are warm and a bit rough, and she wishes this is how every morning started. Well, no, how they started it earlier was good too, but that would be physically...impossible.

“Aye, I may have done some shopping.” His lips move up and down the cords of her neck again, desire pooling in her belly. “Can’t have you walking around here with unwashed hair. That would just be unsanitary, love.”

He bites her earlobe, and she gasps, jumping the slightest bit. She can see the mischief in his eyes from the mirror, and she’s just about to let him keep going before she remembers that they have to go somewhere. “Hey, stop,” she whines, twisting around so that her ass rests against the counter and her hands press up against his chest. When he raises an eyebrow, she explains, “You’re the one who said we had to go. We don’t have time. You have to shower, I have to finish getting ready, and I really want that coffee before it gets cold.” “So this is about the coffee then?”

“Absolutely.” She pushes him back, making him move a few steps away. “Now go get ready. We’ve got things to do, and you’re taking forever.”

Once Killian is ready, they load up into his car and drive the few minutes to Liam and Elsa’s. She doesn’t know what exactly she was expecting, but she wasn’t really expecting something so…modern, especially with the way that Killian’s house feels a bit old school. But they pull into a driveway of house that’s pretty much in the shape of a bunch of odd boxes with large windows and clean lines. It’s weird, but it’s actually pretty cool.

And now she wants to know what the inside looks like. Maybe this is just how houses are in Norway, and maybe she should ask how Elsa and Anna got here from Norway. Or why. Somehow that’s never come up. The Joneses are very international, and she’s lived in Massachusetts for her entire life.

She likes it though. She likes the stability of it.

Plus, Boston is awesome.

England and Norway are probably pretty awesome too.

Killian turns off the engine and undoes his seatbelt while she does the same. “Are you ready, Swan?”

“Yep, let’s go feed me to the wolves.” “So morbid.”

Killian lets them into the house without knocking, and really, with all of the awkward situations that have happened with just walking into someone else’s house, she thinks that maybe they would learn better. But when you have a key, you have a key. Might as well use it. At least Elsa and Liam know they’re coming at this time.

“Els,” Killian calls out, guiding her through the house with his hand on her back. From what she can tell, all of the furniture is surprisingly warm, not at all matching the outside of the house. So maybe Elsa and Liam just compromised with their living situation.

“In the kitchen,” Elsa calls out. She has no idea where the kitchen is, but she follows Killian down the hall and through double doors until she’s in a kitchen where Elsa is sitting on a barstool feeding Aiden in what seems to be a very messy affair. “Come on, we like peas, baby. We do.”

“No one likes peas, Els.”

Elsa turns to look at them, her braid whipping around on her shoulder and a bright smile forming on her face. “Oh hi guys.”

She gets up from her stool, placing the spoon on the high chair’s table, and comes to quickly hug Killian before absolutely smothering her in an embrace. She had no idea someone with such a small frame could give such a powerful hug. It takes her back a bit before she lightly wraps her arms around Elsa’s back and gently pats.

She’s definitely the most awkward person in the world.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she says when she pulls back, finally breathing again now that Elsa isn’t crushing her lungs. “You can keep feeding Aiden. We didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

“Oh, no, he’s fine. He’s just going to throw them everywhere. He liked them when they were all smushed up, but he refuses to eat them now. It’s weird. But I’m excited to meet you. I feel like I’m meeting someone famous or something.”

“That’s kind of an ironic statement when you think about it.” “True,” Elsa laughs, moving away from Emma and going back to sit with Aiden who is very animatedly trying to convey something to Killian as he babbles. “But seriously, you are Killian’s number one topic, and it’s nice to be able to put a real person to the stories.” “Elsa,” Killian grits, blush rising on his cheeks and reaching the tips of his ears. He’s embarrassed, and honestly all she wants to do is laugh at him. It’s cute. He talks about her, and he’s embarrassed about it. “Do you not have a filter?”

“Oh, well, no, I guess. I didn’t think that would be embarrassing. You’re a grown man. You should feel confident in talking about your girlfriend.”

“Oh my God,” he groans, running his hand through his hair before reaching down and popping one of Aiden’s peas in his mouth, even though she knows that he doesn’t actually like peas. He wasn’t lying earlier when he said that, but Aiden imitates him, taking a pea and popping it in his mouth too, smiling with each one. “I’m not talking to you about things ever again.” “Please,” Elsa laughs, “I didn’t even say anything really embarrassing. It’s not like I told her about the goofy grin you get on your face when she texts you or how you’ll walk out of the room in the middle of the conversation to answer her calls sometimes and come back in the room looking like a teenager who just made it to second base for the first time.”

A laugh rumbles through Emma’s stomach until she can’t contain it anymore, loudly chuckling at the proud look on Elsa’s face and the mortified one on Killian’s. He’s so rarely embarrassed, usually full of more confidence than any one human being should possess, but this is a rare treat.

She really likes Elsa. Any woman who can knock Killian down a peg is someone who she can be a fan of.

“Please Elsa,” Emma laughs, taking a few steps over to Killian and placing her hand on his back, rubbing it in soothing circles, “continue to tell me all of these things about Killian. I’m going to hoard them away and save them for later when he’s making fun of me for something stupid.” “Oh, I have a lot to tell you. I promise.” A door slams from somewhere, and Elsa’s eyes go wide. “But that sounds like Liam is finished with the steaks out on the grill. Do you guys want to eat in here or are you good outside?”

“Outside. They’ve got a beautiful garden, love. You should see it.”

Killian leads her outside while Elsa finishes feeding Aiden, and he’s right. They do have a beautiful garden, flowers blooming all across the backyard and around the pool, which is just stunning. She has about a million questions about how they can afford this place, but that would definitely not be something she can just ask. It would kind of take away her whole idea of this going better than when Liam met her.

“Liam, what does one have to do to get one of those steaks?”

She turns to see Liam standing on the other side of the deck, setting out food on a table. Her heart starts beating a bit quicker, her nerves coming back into play after she’d calmed down, and she has to remind herself that it’s okay. This is all okay. It’s just Killian’s brother. It’s just another person. And really, if anyone should be nervous, it should be Liam.

Right?

“For me, cook it. For you, just showing up apparently.” Liam lifts his hand and waves. “Hi, Emma. It’s nice to see you again.” She waves back, though she’s not exactly sure what it is she just did with her fingers. This is obviously some kind of alternate universe. Killian is embarrassed. She has forgotten how to fake it until she makes it, but it’s fine. It’s all fine. She’s got to stop thinking the word fine. “Hey, nice to see you too. The food smells good.” “I hope it tastes good too. Why don’t you two grab a seat, and I’ll go get the drinks. Water, lemonade, beer? Any preferences?” “Water.”

“Water is fine for me too.”

Liam nods before walking off, and she and Killian settle down into chairs at the table. The sun is shining directly in her eyes, so she pulls her sunglasses out of her hair, having to tug a bit when they get caught in the front few strands.

“So you’ve survived the initial meeting. How does it feel?”

“I don’t know. Do you think I’ll get a better grade than satisfactory?” He winks. “We’ll just have to wait and see.”

If her first meeting with Liam is a certified national disaster, this is basically like a trip to Disney World. But it’s not one where it’s one hundred degrees out, all of the kids are crying, and you stepped in puke while waiting in line for Space Mountain. No, it’s the cute trip where you wear the mouse ears, it’s a nice seventy five degrees and overcast, and you have a fast pass for all of the lines.

It’s good, basically. It’s all good. The food is fantastic, and Liam and Elsa make her comfortable with their conversations, keeping things light and airy with the right sense of humor mixed in. She doesn’t have to talk about her job, there’s no weird conversation about what her intentions are with Killian (she still can’t believe David almost did that), and mostly she just gets to spend the afternoon getting to know Killian’s family.

It’s the first time she’s ever really gotten to meet someone’s family. Neal, well, he obviously wasn’t going to let her meet his family. She didn’t even know he had a family until it was over. Walsh pretty much ruined things after meeting her friends, and, well, none of the others were ever really the “meet the family” type of guys or relationships. So this is okay. She’s doing okay. She also feels like an asshole for making fun of Killian for being nervous to meet her friends.

This can be absolutely terrifying.

“Where’s the restroom?” she asks after she finishes her second glass of water.

“There’s one just inside, lass. The second door on the left.” “Thank you.” She nods her head before scooting her chair back, making her way inside and finding the bathroom right where Liam told her it would be. She’s only gone for a minute, keeping herself away from idly examining how they have the room decorated while she’s washing her hands, and then she’s walking out of the room and running into a solid body, grabbing onto forearms.

“Oh, shit,” Liam mumbles, nearly dropping the bottles he’s holding from where she opened the door on him. “Sorry, love. Did not mean to bowl you over.” “It’s fine,” she promises, letting go of where her nails were digging into Liam’s forearms to steady herself. “It’s the hazard of doors, you know?” “Bloody awful inventions.” “I mean, I wouldn’t say that, but sometimes they do suck.”

Liam chuckles a little bit, but after he stops, they’re standing together in awkward silence. Like, really awkward silence. Like, she wishes she could get hit over her head with the door awkward silence.

“Well, I’m just gonna,” she begins, her sentence trailing off as she moves away only for Liam to put his arm out in front of her.

“Wait, Emma. Can we talk?”

She gulps, but she knew this was coming at some point. She wanted this to happen. She wants the air to be cleared because she’s not sure how much longer she can take this looming over her head.

“Yeah, sure.” Liam readjusts the beer bottles he’s holding, fidgeting with them until she takes two out of his hands and holds them herself, the glass cool to the touch. “I want to start with the fact that I’m sorry. Genuinely very sorry. I…there aren’t any excuses. I was an arsehole who overreacted in a lot of ways, and while I wish I could take it all back, I know that I can’t. It still happened no matter how much time has passed.”

“Look, I totally get where you were coming from,” she starts, having rehearsed this conversation several times over while in the shower or on the treadmill but knowing that nothing she thought is going to come out of her mouth now. “You’re Killian’s brother, but you’re also like his dad, whether he owns up to it or not. You two have been through some shit together, and I get you wanting to protect him.”

Liam nods, smiling a bit. “Thank you, lass.”

“But I also think you need to trust him some more and maybe not chomp the head off of anyone you see him becoming close to. I get the situation was messed up and confusing. There were a lot of things wrong there, but I didn’t deserve to be treated like that no matter what you thought when you saw me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just his – ”

“His past, I know,” she finishes for him while her finger wipes off some of the condensation of the bottle. “Liam, I’ve got a fucked up past too, and I know that probably worries you almost as much as me being some weird psycho fan. I’m not. I like Killian’s movies, and I thought he was attractive from, you know, the way normal people think a celebrity is attractive. You see them on TV and just notice it. I lost a bet. That’s why I asked him out. It was for a bet, not some kind of weird obsession, and I knew it could help the shelter and all of the kids. It’s stupid and embarrassing, but it’s true. I never could have imagined any of this. I honestly thought I was just going to embarrass myself and have that video haunt me for the rest of my life.”

“I didn’t…I didn’t realize. I guess I shouldn’t have just assumed things.” He runs his free hand through his hair, making the curls stick up and straighten. “God, love, I’m a bit of a wanker, aren’t I?”

She takes a step forward and places her hands on his shoulders, smiling up at him. “You are, but you’re a wanker from the heart.” Liam snorts at her joke, and she feels a bit better about things. “And you love your brother. You just want the best for him. I get that because I love him too.”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely, totally, completely. All of the cheesy ways you can think about it.”

“Good because I have never seen him so enamored with someone. I’m pretty sure he thinks you hung the stars in the sky.” “Well, he obviously needs to go back to school because I did not do that. Though I appreciate the sentiment.” She squeezes Liam’s shoulder, a lightness taking over her that she hasn’t felt since she stepped through the front door here. “I’m pretty sure they’re going to send a search party out here for us if we don’t go back outside soon.” Liam nods and follows her outside, and the moment she steps out on the deck, she sees Killian throwing his head back with laughter and stretching his arms up over his head. He’s happy, truly in his element, and while she knew how much he loves his family, it was hard to really understand until she saw him with them. It’s like a one of a kind thing, she thinks. And she gets it now. This is one of the places he feels most at home.

“Love, how the hell did Liam get you into carrying out the drinks for him?”

She shrugs, setting her bottles down onto the table and sliding back into her seat. Killian grabs her hand and brings her wrist to his lips, his scruff pleasantly scratching her skin. “He couldn’t handle it all on his own. I think it was too much responsibility for him.”

“That’s true,” Elsa laughs, taking another sip of her water. “We tend to only let him do the little things. He’s just a liability otherwise.”

“He always has been a little rough around the edges and never quite as bright as he thinks he is.” Liam huffs, popping off the top of his drink and taking a long sip. “I did not invite you two over to be ganged up on in my own home.” Elsa pats his shoulder, a falsely sweet smile on her face. “No, babe, that’s why I invited them over.”

Yeah, so she really likes Killian’s family.

-/-

That night she and Killian are sitting on his back porch, the song of the ocean loud as it crashes up onto the sand and the crackling of the firepit at his neighbor’s house popping in her ears. It’s surprisingly cold for the coast at the end of May, not that she’d actually know from experience, and since she didn’t pack much for the short time that she’s here, she had to borrow a pair of Killian’s sweatpants, rolling them up at the waist so they don’t trip her up as she walks around. They’re warm, and she already knows that she’s probably going to borrow them…for an undetermined amount of time.

They stayed at Liam and Elsa’s for a few more hours this afternoon, really until the sun began to set and Elsa was one yawn away from falling asleep sitting up all the while Aiden napped in his nursery. She apparently usually naps with him, and as much of a good time as Emma was having, she felt awful keeping Elsa awake. So she and Killian came back to his house and have spent most of their time sitting out here or wandering along the sand.

He really does live in a beautiful place, and she wishes that she wasn’t leaving tomorrow. This has been like a tease, like a sip of wine when you want the entire bottle, but it’s leaving her feeling just as hungover as she would have been had she downed the entire bottle and then some all by herself.

Sighing, she moves her head to rest against Killian’s shoulder and wraps her arms around his middle while he spreads the blanket out over them a little more, making sure that their feet are covered from where they’re propped up on a table. It’s not the most comfortable thing in the world, but she likes the swing he has out here and could gladly spend an entire day back here feeling it gently rock back and forth. She feels Killian’s lips press against her forehead, and it only makes her nuzzle further into him, moving her legs and curling them up underneath her for more warmth.

“Liam and a made up.” “Yeah?” he asks, rubbing his hand up and down her side, fingers snaking underneath her shirt and spreading out across her stomach.

“Yeah. It was…easy. I always imagined it to be more intense, to be harder, but I guess so much time has passed, so much as changed, that I had already forgiven him. I’d already decided that we could get along for you as long as he didn’t do something dumb like that again.”

“He’d have at least six people after his head, so I imagine Liam won’t be mucking things up any time soon.” “Any time soon? So what? He’s just going to wait even longer and strike when we’re least expecting it?” “That is not at all what I meant.” “I know. You just mean he’ll be on his best big brother behavior from now on.” “Older brother behavior,” Killian corrects her, squeezing her side and making her giggle. “He is older and not necessarily wiser, just to make that clear.” “You guys have a weird relationship.” “I think I have a weird relationship with everyone. It’s just my nature.”

“True,” she sighs, tilting her head and kissing the bare skin at his collarbone, “you are a weird, guy.”

“Who you have fallen head over heels in love with.” “True, even if I don’t understand that saying. Isn’t your head always over your heels?”

“Huh,” he laughs while she does the same, “that’s true. I’m sure there’s some kind of explanation. We could google it.”

“I don’t care that much.”

“See, but now you’ve brought up a good question, Swan. How many phrases are out there that we say but that make no sense? How many phrases have gotten all mixed up over the years? Who even comes up with these phrases? I feel like we need to spend all night discussing this and researching this because – ”

She shuts him up by cupping his cheeks and bringing his lips to hers. She loves him in a head over heels kind of way, but she also knows him. If she lets him, he really will spend the entire night researching this, and she doesn’t want time to slip away from them, not like that. She can’t let it, so she continues to move her mouth against his, tilting her head and opening her mouth as he does the same. His breath is hot, and he still tastes like lunch, and even though she didn’t mean for this to be any more than a simple kiss to make him be quiet, she really does like taking advantage of having his lips on hers in person while his hand moves up and cups her breast underneath her shirt. There’s no replicating any of this when they’re apart.

There’s no chance.

“I cannot believe you just kissed me to get me to shut up. Again. I’m starting to think you don’t like listening to me talk.”

“You talk a lot,” she pants, her lips still tingling while she catches her breath, “and as much as I really do like listening to you, I had a feeling we were about to go down the rabbit hole.” “I fully plan on doing research on this at some point, you know? It’s nice to get to learn new things about the world.”

“If that’s how you spend your free time, I think you might need to work more.”

“Speaking of that,” Killian begins, pulling back from her and reaching down to pull the blanket back over them from where it had fallen, “I have some work stuff I need to talk to you about.” “Why do you need to talk to me about them?”

“Because they’re time commitments, and that’s something I want to talk about with you.” “Okay,” she sighs, wishing that she could dip her head in the ocean to calm herself down. Why is she freaking out? She should not at all be freaking out. Is she actually freaking out or is she just nervous because Killian basically just gave her a version of ‘we need to talk’ and who the hell wants to hear that? “Okay, what do you want to talk about?”

He reaches up with his free hand and tucks her hair behind her ears, and instead of having it calm her, it just makes her nervous. “I’ve been getting some of my next few months mapped out, professionally, and since I turned down Yours Truly – ”

“Wait. You turned that down? Why? I thought you liked that script?” “I did, love. I didn’t like the entire last half of the year in Switzerland for where I’m at personally right now. It was too far away from home, from my family, from you.”

She gulps, the implication behind his words obvious. Yeah, okay, so she’s nervous. “You gave up the role for me?” “Aye,” he admits, the corners of his lips ticking up the slightest bit. “I know it was a bit presumptuous despite where we are now, knew that it might freak you out a little. It freaks me out a bit, Swan, but with us already not being near each other, this is something we have to think about.”

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

He really didn’t have to do that. She knows that it wasn’t just for her. It was for him, and Killian would never make a decision that he doesn’t think is smart. He just wouldn’t. So if he’s happy with it, she’s happy with it. “I wanted to. I’ll find other projects closer to here for now or maybe far away sometime later, but I probably won’t film again until spring or next summer depending on if I find anything and production times. I do have the promotions for Highland Waters. I believe that’s going to be in July, and it’s going to premiere around Labor Day. I was kind of hoping you’d like to come to that with me.”

“What kind of premiere?”

“A small one,” Killian promises, squeezing her arm to reassure her while she feels like she suddenly can’t breathe. She’s fine. She is. Really. This is just a lot all at once. But she’s good. They’re good. This may possibly be the first time anyone has ever put this much consideration into how she feels about their life. “I believe it’s just at the studio or a theater or something, but it’s pretty much a party with the cast and crew. Lots of good food and drinks. It’ll be fun, and you only have to come if you want to.” “No, no, I want to,” she reassures him. “I already get that Monday off, and I can probably use up some of my days if I haven’t already. I want to see this show you spent forever on, and, you know, support you or whatever.” She moves out of his arms and stands up from the swing, stretching her legs out the slightest bit. “But we can figure out all of this stuff on the phone. I’ve got to leave in the morning, so I really don’t want to spend the rest of the night working out our schedules.”

-/-

She was right to think that a weekend is just a little tease, and she’s not entirely sure if leaving after two days or two weeks is worse. But she’s got work in the morning and a flight scheduled in an hour and a half, so as she hugs Killian goodbye in the hourly parking lot of LAX she doesn’t have any choice but to leave.

It’s a transition, something they’re working out, and the leaving will get easier. It has to. Or it might not. Honestly, she has no idea if the ache in her chest is ever going to stop, but unlike the rest of her life where all she’s done is freak out about the future, she’s trying to take this one day at a time. Some looks ahead at the future but one day at a time.

“I love you, KJ,” she whispers into his neck before brushing her lips there.

“I love you too. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Yep,” she sighs, pulling back from his hug and picking her bag up from the ground. “I’ll see you soon.”

[artificialqueens]

we’ll get there [pt. 2] (plastique/brooke) - scheherazade

A/N: part two !! if you haven’t read part one yet, you should because then, this wouldn’t make sense (and i would appreciate it v much if you will !! :“>) plastique finally appears in this one !

(also, i have depicted college to my best knowledge and i apologize in advance for any oddities regarding it)

Summary: Brooke and Vanjie break up and Brooke is thrust into the aftermath where there are broken friendships & inner turmoil to be found. She gets by with a little help from an old friend.

Brooke opened their dorm room door with a flourish and a smile on her face. Inside, Nina laid on her bed with a laptop and looked at her hopefully.

"What’s got you so happy?”

“Eve and I talked.” Nina looked at her earnestly, urging her to continue. “And there was forgiveness and cupcakes.”

“Why do I sense a but there?”

“But, she told me that forgiveness didn’t mean forgetting so I have to work on building our trust and friendship again. And I’m willing to.” Brooke plopped on her bed. “Oh, before I forget, Shuga wanted me to deliver these to you.” she pulled out cookies wrapped in plastic with a little bow tying it.

“Aw,” Nina cooed, accepting the treat. “Is she still working? I might come by.”

“I think so? Her mom is sick or something so she’s managing the bakery along with that one girl.” Brooke waved her hand.

“Kim?”

“No, no. The one who mostly always wears pink? The girl my ballet teacher has a weird crush on?”

“Oh, Trixie!”

“Yeah, that one.”

“Katya’s still pining huh?” Brooke nodded in response. “Anyway, I’ll go visit Shuga and thank her for these.” Nina shook the bag of cookies. “And I need a break from this.”

“What’s that?” Brooke leaned over and looked at Nina’s sketchbook filled with doodles of various clothes.

“Our project. Ms. Velour wants us to make a whole line that’s ‘pure camp’ or something.” Nina explained, using air quotes. “Anyway, I gotta go.”

“Take care, have fun!” Brooke called out as the door closed. She thought about her own project and the mystery partner that she was going to meet tomorrow.

Turning over to lay on her stomach, Brooke recalled her conversation with Yvie. After she had ordered pastries and drinks for the both of them, Brooke fumbled with starting the conversation. Yvie, ever the direct one, set her straight.

“You knew that I don’t have a good relationship with A'keria much less Silky, right?”

Brooke had nodded. They were—for the lack of better wording—mean. She had never been on the receiving end of their attitude but she had a friend who had been. They spread rumors like wildfire and if you’re unlucky, you get burned. But they weren’t bad people.

“I had no problem with you and Vanjie together. Honestly. The bitchiness that I had towards her was just me projecting my anger. She’s a nice girl and god knows why she’s friends with those two,”

Brooke had experienced first hand what it was like, being in their group. The three had undeniable chemistry.

“I had no problem when you became friends with them, as well. I mean, it was kind of inevitable. You were in the same circle. I didn’t care even if you were associating with people that spread bullshit about me and others because you were my friend. But,”

“But then, you suddenly weren’t.”

“It started small. You didn’t eat with us anymore. Nina was like, 'she just wants to spend time with her girlfriend, let her be’. And it was fine because you were happy! Then you stopped hanging out with us, barely even slept in your own dorm room. Nina and Shuga took full advantage of that by the way,”

They what?

“Then you sat with us one day, like a miracle. I was…happy. Up until you decided that A'keria, Silky, and me in one table was a good idea. Didn’t end so well didn’t it?”

Brooke remembered the disaster. She thought she could bring her two worlds together. It began with snide quips from Silky about Yvie and Scarlet and A'keria fanned the flames. Scarlet compared opinions to assholes but Yvie full-on clapped back. Somewhere in there, someone was called talentless. Silky and A'keria walked out and Vanjie followed. Yvie walked out as well. Guess who Brooke followed?

“The next day, I go to class to hear rumors about me. They were ridiculous and untrue but that many? Still hurt.”

“I knew who they came from. Because obviously. Nina tried to stop me but she eventually just ended up following me. She said that she knew she couldn’t stop me because I was the same kind of hard-headed as you are.”

Brooke remembered the confrontation that happened in front of her locker. That time however, Silky and A'keria had come prepared and hit where it hurt.

“They said so much bullshit and you know me, I’m not one to let that get away. But it just, it hurt so much. I–I looked at you and you did nothing.”

Brooke gritted her teeth. She knew what came next. A'keria had pointed out that if Brooke wasn’t defending Yvie, Brooke who was her best friend, then maybe all those rumours were true.

“You said nothing. You just stood there like your batteries died or something. I hated you then. I thought, I knew what friendship was and this wasn’t it.”

“Then you walked away with them.”

Brooke had tried to apologize…eventually. It took Vanjie for her to do that and even then, it was a shitty apology.

“It was crap. Beauty gurus could do better apologies than that so you know you’re fucked.”

Yvie didn’t accept her apology then. So Brooke never tried again.

“When you never followed up, I thought it was my mistake that I didn’t accept your apology. But as much as I wanted to have my friend back, I didn’t want this B-rate version of her.”

“Then you fully detached from us for almost half a year. You came back when you broke up.”

A thought sprung up in her head. No matter how much she was able to push down her feelings about the break-up during the day, it always came back to haunt her at night. Brooke was unsure about how she truly felt about it. She knew that anger was what she projected but it was only a surface emotion.

We don’t have time to unpack all of that, she thought to herself and resolved to take a quick nap before going to the ballet studio and teasing her teacher about Trixie.

•

The next morning, Brooke woke up to Nina and Yvie having breakfast in the living room. She joined them and ate waffles and drank coffee. They walked Brooke to Ms. Visage’s room. Thank god she wasn’t late today.

Turns out, she was too early. There was only one person in the room and it was someone Brooke wanted to avoid. Vanjie had her earphones in and hadn’t seemed to notice her so maybe she could just come back—

“Hey Brooke Lynn!” Too late. Vanjie beckoned her over and like a puppy, she followed. “Can we talk?”

“Well, you’re talking.” Even with the distance of about three chairs between them, Vanjie probably heard the bite in her voice. She was good in noticing those little details in Brooke. Too good in fact. That’s a part of why Brooke loved her.

Some of the fight went out of Vanjie’s shoulders but there was still that desperation. But what for?

“Brooke, I didn’t want to end it that way. I don’t want this to be messy. I ain’t ever want to be messy and you know that. But before I could say more, you just ran away. Gone like poof,” she made a motion with her hands.

“Why would I stay? You made your point clear. I wasn’t enough.”

Brooke really wasn’t ready for this conversation. She felt cornered.

Vanjie looked at her sadly. “You’re angry. Brooke, we weren’t happy,”

“I was!”

“No you weren’t.”

“How can you decide that for me? You made it clear you didn’t want anything to do with me when you told me that it’s over!”

“Brooke you—”

“That’s just like you isn’t it? You make decisions and string everyone along.” Brooke barreled on and let her mouth run, something she rarely dif. “Maybe you never even loved me. You just—”

“Stop.”

“No, I’m tired of listening to you.”

“Then listen to yourself! You’re smart Brooke, you know what you just said was nonsense.” Vanjie put her earphones back in. She looked upset. Brooke felt…guilty? “When you’re ready to understand, talk to me. I don’t want us to end this way.”

Brooke wanted to move but she felt stuck. Something was wrong. What she said was wrong. Those accusations she said… Even if she didn’t understand what Vanjie saw in their relationship that was unsatisfying, she shouldn’t have—

Brooke sighed. Maybe, maybe it was time for her to let this go. If they already fought like this because Brooke wasn’t willing to listen, then maybe they weren’t meant to be together. Brooke was adaptable, if nothing else.

“Look, I’m sorry,” she said and hoped that Vanjie listened despite having her earphones in. “I didn’t understand so I was angry, but I’m sure you knew that. You always knew me best. And I want to talk, I’ll listen this time I promise. But, I need time to myself first to process all of this.”

With that, she gingerly walked away and sat in the back row. She felt something stuck in her throat but she ignored it.

••

Time passed quickly with Brooke struggling to put a lid on her thoughts. She was going to process it, like she promised, but not during class. And not without supervision either.

She just hoped Nina and Yvie would be available later. Just to make sure, she took out her phone and texted Yvie.

BLH: I need help. R u and Nina free to talk later?

Oddly Enough: nina asks if you’re okay ??

BLH: Yeah, thanks for worrying :) just need some advice

Oddly Enough: abt what ?

BLH: Vanjie

Oddly Enough: Do you need us to bring some comfort food? -Nina

BLH: Yes! Whatever your gf can give us

Oddly Enough: I’ll tell her :) -N

Oddly Enough: congrats u just gave the a reason to interact

Oddly Enough: c u later

With nothing else to do, Brooke listened to the chatter that gradually increased as more students trickled in. Most of it passed from one ear to another until she came upon talk regarding the new student.

Brooke almost forgot about her.

“So there’s really a new student coming today?”

“Yeah, I saw her enter the Principal’s Office.”

“What does she look like?”

“She seems familiar, I just don’t remember from where. Pink-dyed hair and Asian. Very pretty.”

“Ooh,”

“I also heard Shangela was coming back!”

“Why? Is she repeating a year or something?”

“Idiot, no. She’s gonna work here I think.”

“Damn—wait, that means Laganja’s back in town too?”

“Ms. Del Rio is gonna shit bricks. Thankfully she’s not a student anymore. Do you remember that smackdown when she was in second year?”

The Edwards were coming back? Well this was news indeed. Alyssa had been Brooke’s previous dance teacher and she owned the studio that Katya taught her in. She trained ballet with one of Alyssa’s adopted daughters Laganja, who was a year older than her. They moved somewhere during Brooke’s first year of college. Her spirits lifted at the thought of reuniting with her previous teacher.

Just then, Ms. Visage came in with a girl in tow, her pink hair styled into waves. She had long lashes and wore a touch of make-up. She wasn’t pretty—she was gorgeous.

She also looked very familiar.

“Xin chào các bạn, I’m Plastique Tiara. I studied here shortly during first year and now I’m back,” she smiled hesitantly.

Oh flip.

Plastique.

Plastique?

[tbc]

[rktingyan-blog]

heeeey rookies dash lurkers !! it’s mun blaire here, making a comeback with a new muse, miss chong tingyan !! i used to mun kard’s somin, but, i was so low on muse and my activity was the absolute worst !! however, i’m back with a new muse, who i’ve worked on developing a lot more and i adore ( but it’s also the elkie stan in me popping out ) !! she’s similar to somin in a lot of ways, but has tons of differences, too !! this time around, she’s chinese, 20 years old, and a more angelic type of mean ?? but she’s still loves to dance and has that fiery spirit somin posessed !! anyways, i hope this time around i can be a lot more involved in the community than i was before, and have tons of fun developing her with you all !! if you’re interested, you can find her plots here, profile here, and bio here ! and, as always, feel free to contact me on twitter @blairemeetsrp if you’d like to plot, as i’ll be more active from now on there ! trivia and little tidbits about this chaotic tsundere under the cut ! give this a  ♡ and i’ll pop in your ims !

okay i know i say this and never do but this time around, i’ll actually try to keep things short! i’ll leave out the majority of her background this time, because it can be found in her bio if you’re interested and it’s rather complicated!

as a condensed version - she’s from shanghai, china! nowadays she’s pretty glamorous and would never confess this to anyone who didn’t know but back in the day, she lived n the outskirts of town because her parents both worked for the upper class! her dad a dishwasher, her mom a housemaid.

so you can kind of see where that idea of serving other people plays in, right?? anyways, being the only daughter & having 2 older brothers they were convinced that marrying tingyan into money was the only way to bring her family out of poverty!

so they put her in etiquette classes, her mom taught her to cook and clean, she learned ballet (the only thing she liked & still does from the things they made her to), basically anything that screamed wife !!! 

at first she was like...ok. but then she got interested in music, kpop especially, and more types of genres of dance than just ballet. she loved performing & knew that was the way she wanted to go, and what she wanted to do in her life instead but knew there was no chance it was happening!!

she didn’t expect the whole marriage thing to happen so soon, but it did phew!!! literally, as soon as she graduated, they started making plans to marry her off once she turned 20. of course, she was like, what??? she had worked hard through high school and she was going to attend a prestigious university so marrying a random man definitely wasn’t on the bucket list. but when she told them no things got really nasty and essentially they were like “we only wanted you for your husband!! if you won’t marry him leave”

so what did she do?? you guessed it folks, ran away from home and moved to korea with nothing but a suitcase and money she’d saved up from her part-time job for college!! sksksks, but she chose korea because it was the only other place besides china she held dear to her and it was still somewhat familiar? 

ok soo. she really had no idea what to do, because she was sad about the whole scenario & really lost because she was in a whole other country. but she saw how much beauty impacted koreans and how it was a moneymaker and was like huh?? maybe i can do something w/that???

this next part is gonna be really short because it’s a little ridiculous and requires too much explaining, so if things don’t make sense feel free to read the bio, once again!! at this point tingyan didn’t believe she was very conventionally attractive, yet reeeally wanted to fit with the asian ideals of beauty so she wouldn’t stand out as much. but people liked her because she was charismatic & kind of a flirt?? so, she essentially became a sugar baby (stick with me sksks) to pay for plastic surgery, and after an agonizingly long period of surgeries and recoveries, she finally felt comfortable w/herself!

sidenote i do not condone changing yourselves for others in any way!! this is 100% tingyan though on the other hand, i you want plastic surgery for yourself?? do you!!

even nowadays, though she gets more attention because of all her enhancements she’s still a little self-conscious deep down? because she knows that it’s not real, and that she probably wouldn’t get as much attention otherwise :((

anyways!! she soon joined a small international school along with a language course to both further her study & learn korean quicker. and though it helped, nothing could compare to what dance did for her!! as mad as she was to her parents for making her take all those classes, she’d stuck with ballet, branched into other genres all throughout high school, and really missed it when she left china. so she joined a dance studio in seoul and it finally felt like her life was piecing itself together again!!

now let’s skip the rest because this is getting too long ugh!! now, onto the current tingyan!

nowadays, the adjustment to korea has gotten better. she’s been here for a little over 2 years now, so while there’s still a lot to learn, she’s gotten a lot better grasp than she had 2 years ago. she’s still in college & took up a job as a model once she realized her looks could get her beyond just getting a date? so now she models clothes for several online stores. and she really likes it, but she knows it’s not a steady career & she still really hopes to do something with her love of dance.

sidenote she’s also kind of off the radar?? she tries to live a private life and although she’s a model, she keeps her personal things private because she doesn’t want her parents to find her in seoul. so while she may come off as closed off, a big part of it is this rather than her just being cold!

a lot more bold than she used to be! she feels that since she was raised to be so dependent on others, she has to be twice as strong to prove she can do things on her own! so that’s why in almost anything she does, she tries to prove that she’s the absolute best no matter what. but she’s scared of being seen as obnoxiously rude & angry like her mother was to her, which is why she’s developed the queen b-esque style she has today. isn’t afraid to speak her mind, no matter how someone may feel about it, and definitely not shy when it comes to romance. shes’ the type of person to say the meanest things but so politely that they actually seem nice?? if that makes sense.

right now, though?? she doesn’t really know she wants to be an idol just yet. she knows she wants to perform, but doesn’t believe she has what it takes yet to get there! at the moment it’s not something she sees herself doing but that’s what development’s for, right?

she still has sugar baby tendencies lmao, but she’s rather shameless about it. she makes it known she likes money, and likes to be spoiled by whoever she’s seeing! often times this is how she funds her expensive taste, but she won’t openly say that. she doesn’t want anyone to know she’s from a low-income family, especially since she lives in gangnam where all the elites reside, so she often claims she comes from wealth! 

so if your muses have money and want to spoil her, tingyan is taking donations lmao!! she doesn’t discriminate & can be your muse’s arm candy!!!

omg i’m a mess

while one would think this would go against her whole being independent and working for herself thing going on, tingyan feels she’s kind of working hard to get the money too?? her words directly, and i quote, “keeping conversation can be exhausting, and a job in itself. have you ever had to feign interest in your partner’s golf addiction?”

but she does! not! like! commitment! after having marriage practically thrown at her, you could see where the fear to settle comes from? she really wants to take advantage of the freedom she’s gained and is really just liking where she’s at - not taking life too seriously and seeing who she wants when she wants!

she probably needs people to ground her and give her some stability because of this?? at the moment she doesn’t really have anyone keeping an eye on her or someone she can feel she can trust in, so she’s a little lost! and though tingyan will never say it to your face, i’ll do it for you - she needs real friends!!

but...also enemies?? or any sort of angst because - yes!

i think that’s it!! i want to leave the rest to be explored during plots and don’t really want to write a whole essay to write at you, so that’s all i have to say on my newest addition! i hope you love her, and, if you’re interested in plotting please let me know!

[captain-krazy]

Christmas in London - Chapter One AU!Tom Hiddleston Fan Fiction by Captain-Krazy Fluff 2566 Words ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/N: There is no smut in this story. Summary: Tom and Jess are friends and Tom takes her to London for Christmas so she doesn’t spend it alone in her apartment, like she usually does. However, the more time they spend together they both realize they may actually have feelings for each other after all. But will either of them say anything to the other, or act on their feelings? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Any plans for Christmas?’ Tom asked Jess as they sat on his sofa and watched a movie

‘Nah, just gonna hang around my apartment and binge watch those sappy greeting card channel movies. Maybe start looking for a new job’

'That sounds…. Fun?’

'Well, you know me…. I’m tons of fun!’ Jess replied as she popped a piece of popcorn in her mouth 'What about you, what are you doing?’

'Oh, I promised my parents I’d come home this year. I haven’t spent Christmas with them in a few years because I was traveling for work. My sister and brother and their families are all going to be there too’ Tom said with a smile on his face 'It’s the first time since my sister got married that the whole family will be together. Mum even got us all tickets to see the Nutcracker, it’s her favorite ballet’

'Wow…. Now that does sound like fun’ Jess said

'You should do something, go somewhere. You’re not working right now anyway’

'Yeah, it is, but I don’t have anywhere to go, no one to visit. Hence the sitting around my apartment’

'You could always go to a someplace warm and tropical. Lie on a beach, go swimming, meet a guy and have a holiday fling’ Tom suggested, wiggling his eyebrows on the last bit

'I’m not much of a ’tropical’ person and it wouldn’t feel like Christmas to me someplace like that. It would probably cost a small fortune to book a trip anyplace right now, and like you said, I’m not working right now’ Jess said with a sigh ‘Not to mention that I can’t even find anyone to have flings with here, what makes you think I’d find someone someplace else?’

Tom gave a half smile and then went back to watching the movie. Except for the occasional laugh, the two friends sat in silence for the rest of it. When it was over neither of them really wanted to get up so Tom put the TV on the channel Jess mentioned earlier. Some random movie about a girl getting stuck in an airport during a snowstorm while heading home for the holidays was on. When it was over Jess stretched her arms over her head before standing.

'I guess I should head home, it’s getting late’

‘Yeah, I guess it is’ Tom replied as he stood and walked toward the front door behind Jess.

After she had her coat and scarf on he gave her a hug and told her to drive safe, and let him know when she arrived home.

A little over a week later as she sat on her couch reading job postings online Jess received a text from Tom

*Hey…. Is your passport up to date?*

*I think so…. Why?* Jess replied, a little confused as to why Tom would be asking her that

*Go check and let me know*

*Why do you need to know?*

*Just humor me and check…. Please* Tom sent, along with the praying hands emoji

Jess let out a groan and wondered into her room to find her passport, once she did she saw that everything was up to date, and she didn’t need to renew for another 5 years.

*Yeah, it’s up to date…. Now why did you need to know?* she replied. A few minutes went by before she received a reply

*Because…. You are coming to London with me*

Jess reread the text a couple times to make sure she was actually reading what she thought she was, when it finally registered in her brain she hit the phone icon and dialed Tom’s number.

‘What do you mean I’m coming to London with you?’ Jess said as soon as Tom answered, not even giving him a chance to say hello ‘This better be a joke Hiddleston!!’

‘Um…. Hi…. And no, it’s not a joke. I just booked you a plane ticket’

‘What….. Wh- Tom, you CAN’T be serious! I can’t just drop everything and go to London with you!!!’

‘I’m 1000% serious, and yes you can! You’re not working, and you told me last week you had no plans for Christmas’

‘I have…. Plans’ Jess replied, a little sad at the fact that she really didn’t

‘Job searching and binge watching Christmas movies does not count as plans’

‘I… I can’t go, Tom. I could never afford a hotel on such short notice, they probably cost an arm and a leg this time of year! Not to mention paying you back for the plane ticket!!’

‘Okay, first; you do not have to pay me back for the ticket, I have a shit ton of miles from work, and its part of your Christmas present, you can pay back a Christmas present. And secondly; you don’t need a hotel because you’re staying at my parent’s house with me and the rest of my family’

‘Tom!! I can’t just show up at your parents’ house unannounced!’

‘You’re not showing up announced, I spoke to my Mum a couple days ago and they would love to have you’

‘But-‘

‘NO BUTS JESS! YOU’RE COMING WITH ME!’ Tom said forcefully, a tone in his voice Jess had never heard before ‘Pack a suitcase, the flight leaves Thursday at 3:30pm, I’ll pick you up at noon!’

And with that Tom ended the call. Jess sat down on her bed and stared at her phone for a few moments before laying back and staring up at the ceiling as she tried to process the fact that she was going to London in a few days. She let out a sigh as she rolled over and buried her face in a pillow. The next morning when she woke up it took her a moment to realize she had fallen asleep in her clothes. She reached for her phone and noticed it was almost dead, as she plugged it in she saw that Tom had sent her a text while she was asleep,

*It’s very cold in there, make sure to pack warm*

She rolled her eyes before standing and heading into the bathroom. After she was showered she went back to into her room to get dressed and figure out what to pack. She drug her suitcase out from under her bed an flung it on top, when she opened it she discovered that she still had stuff in it from her last trip,  a couple pair of shoes, some jeans, some makeup, and the dress she wore to a friend’s wedding. She took the dress from the garment bag it was in and held it up to herself, running her hands over the soft deep blue fabric, she really did love the dress, it was one of the only times she actually felt pretty.

She debated for a moment about taking it with her, but in the end decided against it. She draped it over the chair in the corner as she started going through her closet and dresser, throwing what she was taking onto her bed. After a while she went into the bathroom and pulled out her travel toiletries and put them into a plastic bag. When she went back into her room she started folding her clothes and placing them nicely into the case, leaving her big winter coat out, still unsure as to whether she wanted to wear it to the airport, or just pack it and pull it out when she got to there, for now she just tossed it over to the chair in the corner of her room.

She still couldn’t believe this was happening, she was actually going to London, a place that she had always wanted to visit, especially at Christmas. Even though she was still upset at Tom for spending what she could only guess was a small fortune on a last minute plane ticket, she was also extremely excited. As she continued to pack her phone pinged, letting her know she had a text message, she decided to ignore it at first, but it pinged again a not even a minute later. When she grabbed her phone she saw that they were both from Tom, she also noticed there were a couple that she hadn’t seen. The first two had been sent when she was in the shower and the other two were the ones he just sent

*Want to grab lunch?* *Jess??* *Are you mad at me?* *I’m sorry I yelled on the phone last night*

*I’m not…. Mad* she sent in reply. Ever thought she was a tiny bit mad at him

*Are you sure? It usually never takes you that long to reply*

*I was in the shower when you sent the first 2 and then I started packing so I didn’t see them until now*

*Soooo, you’re really not mad I did this?*

*I am a little mad, but I’ll probably be over it by the time we leave…. lol*

*Great!! So food??*

*Yeah, food sounds good*

*On my way*

A couple days later it was time to leave for London, Jess was so excited she couldn’t sleep and when she finally did, she ended up sleeping through her alarm. When she woke up she was scrambling around, showering, getting dressed, and packing the last of her things. She decided not to wear her big coat since it wasn’t too cold and she just shoved it into her suitcase just as Tom sent her a text to let her know he was outside. Jess grabbed her suitcase and her purse, making sure she had her passport and headed out the door. As they drove Tom told Jess about a Christmas festival his Mom loved, and a few other events they could attend, less than an hour later they were at the airport waiting to go through security.

‘So, this Christmas festival you were talking about, what goes on at it?’ Jess asked as they settled into their seats for the long flight ahead

‘It’s a Christmas festival, Jess, what do you think goes on?’

‘I don’t know, I’ve never been to one. That’s why I was asking’

‘Well, I haven’t been to it in years, but as I recall there is a group of Carol singers in costume that walk around the grounds singing, there are booths selling wears, there’s a stand that sells hot cider and mulled wine, another that does roasted chestnuts’ Tom explained as the flight attendants started making their way down the aisles with refreshments ‘There’s a skating rink, and a pageant that the kids church choir puts on. My Mum said that they added a nightly light show year before last.’

‘That all sounds so fun’ Jess said with a huge smile on her face ‘Hey Tom, in case I haven’t yet, I just want to say thank you. I really, really do appreciate you bringing me with you’

‘You’re more than welcome, Jess’ he replied ‘Merry Christmas’

A few hours into the flight Jess fell asleep, she didn’t wake until Tom gently tapped her shoulder to let her know they were getting ready to land. When Jess was finally able to stand after landing her body was stiff and one of her feet was asleep, causing her to limp up the jet way, by the time they reached baggage claim her body had loosened up and her foot was awake.

‘Alright, they’ve really changed this airport since I was last here’ Tom said as he tried to figure out where to go to get a cab ‘Ah, its this way’ he said, pointing to where the sign hanging from the celling told him where the taxi stands were

‘TOM!!! TOM!!’ a man’s voice yelled through the terminal

Tom and Jess both turned and saw a man running in their direction, waving a hand over his head, Tom smiled and started walking toward him.

‘Owen!! Hey man, what are you doing here?’ Tom asked as he hugged the man

‘Mum asked me to pick you up’ he replied ‘It’s so good to see you! How’ve you been?’

‘I’m great! Oh, this is my friend Jess. Jess, this is my brother-in-law, Owen’

‘It’s nice to meet you Owen’ Jess said as she shook his hand

‘Come on, I’m parked this way. I promised everyone I’d have you home in time for tea’

As they made their way to the house Jess stared out the window with a smile on her face, amazed at how beautiful everything was. The trees and ground were covered in a light layer of snow, making everything sparkle. When they pulled into the neighborhood her smile got even bigger, every house had massive amounts of decorations, she couldn’t wait until it got dark and they were all lit up. The further they drove through the neighborhood the bigger the houses seemed to get, when Owen finally pulled into a driveway Jess’ jaw dropped even more, it had to be the biggest house on the block. Owen offered to help them with their luggage, but Tom and Jess both said they could handle it, so Owen headed in to let everyone know they were there

‘Tom…. this is your house? It’s HUGE!!!’ Jess said as they got out of the car ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were rich?!’

‘It’s my parents’ house, and I didn’t tell you I’m rich because I’m not’ Tom replied as he pulled their suitcases’ out of the trunk ‘My parents are’

‘That’s something that rich people say!’ Jess retorted as Tom closed the trunk, he let out a chuckle and they made their way into the house.

When they stepped inside Jess’ jaw dropped again as she looked around, there was a huge decorated fireplace the living room to her left, a staircase with lights and garland on the banister in front of her, to her right was a formal dining room with a huge table and more decorations everywhere.

‘Tom!!’ a woman said as she came out of the dining room, she had an apron around her waist, she walked over and threw her arms around him, giving him a tight hug ‘Welcome home darling!!’

‘Hi Mum, it’s so good to see you’ Tom replied as he hugged her back, after a few moments the hug broke and she took a step back and smiled up at him, she then looked over at Jess ‘And you must be Tom’s friend’

‘Yeah, Mum this is Jess. Jess, my Mum, Susan’

‘It’s really nice to meet you Mrs. Hiddleston, thank you so much for having me’ Jess replied as she held her hand out to Tom’s Mom, but Susan just wrapped her arms around Jess and hugged her tight

‘Oh, please, call me Susan’ she replied as she loosened the hug, but left her hands on Jess’ arms ‘and it’s a pleasure to have you here, dear’

‘Where is everyone?’ Tom asked

‘Your Father had to run into the city for a last minute meeting, he should be back soon, and everyone else is in the kitchen making cookies and getting tea ready’

Susan then motioned for everyone to follow as she headed back to help them, Tom wrapped his arm around his Moms shoulder and pulled her close as they rounded the corner and disappeared into the dining room. She smiled to herself and looked around as she followed them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Next….

[nothing-but-kpop-dreams]

GOT7 Reaction: Finding out the gender of their baby during the ultrasound

I originally had a specific style intended for this reaction, but writing just doesn’t go as planned haha. I hope you all like this reaction and we are so sorry that it took so long for us to finish. 

Mark:

He held y/n’s hand tightly and she held his hand even tighter. They both stared at the doctor intensely as he looked at the screen and gave them small updates on what he was noticing. Even though Mark was thankful and relieved that everything was normal, what he was most excited for was the gender. 

After what felt like forever, the doctor turned to them, asking if they were sure they wanted to know the gender. Of course he and y/n said yes right away. The doctor laughed at their excitement before he said. “You two are going to have a girl!

“A girl?” Mark smiled. He stared deeply at the screen, looking at the shape the doctor was pointing at. That little figure on the black and copper toned screen was his daughter. “We’re having a girl!”

Mark couldn’t help but let out that signature giggle out of pure joy. Unable to contain the love filling within himself, he went over to y/n, hugging her tightly. “You’re making us a baby girl!”

Jb:

He and y/n held hands as they waited for the doctor’s response.

The doctor was both funny and annoying in how he was doing a drum roll noise as he was about to reveal the gender. “Iiiiiiit’s a boy!” the doctor cheered.

“Jagi we’re having a boy!” Jb couldn’t hep but squeal. He was smiling so hard, he couldn’t stop. There was so many thank you’s and i love you’s that he wanted to say to both y/n and the their little boy in her belly, but he was too happy to  move. 

Even as the doctor continued on with the little updates and all, He couldn’t get himself to be serious again. Just knowing he was going to have a little boy, his mind was filling up with possible names and day dreaming about those cliche father son moments.

Jinyoung:

“I really think we are having a girl.” he said

“No I think we hare having a boy. Even your mom thinks we are having a boy!” y/n retorted. “But why are you bringing this up, i thought you wanted to do a revel party?”

“I did, but now that we’re here i kinda just want to know now.” 

“I think... I think we should still wait and have a party. Won’t it be more fun that way?”

“Eh, maybe...”

Suddenly the door opened and the doctor stepped in. After the short series of questions and loading up the ultrasound machine, their little bun in the oven was showing on screen.

“You guys ready to know the gender?” The doctor asked teasingly.

“No” “Yes” they both said at the same time.

“Jinyoung, are you sure you really want to know? The whole reveal thing was your idea.” y/n pointed out.

“I know” he pouted. “But I really want to know.”

After giving the doctor permission for the reveal, she smiled. “You two are having a girl!”

Immediately Jinyoung couldn’t help but smile. “A girl? Y/n we’re having a girl!” He would have thought he would have gloated to y/n about being right, but at the moment he was jut so happy to know he was having a girl he couldn’t get himself to do anything but smile.

Jackson:

They sat in the tiny room waiting for the doctor to finally come in. 

“Babe can you be still for like two seconds?“ Y/n said in a hushed laugh.

“Noooo. I can’t I’m too excited. I want to know if our little angel is going to be a boy or a girl!” he said in an excited mumble as he placed his hand on her belly. 

“I thought we both said that it didn’t matter the gender, just as long as they are healthy.”

“I know, i know. And I will love our the same no matter what! Buuuut like just imagine if we have a little girl! We can put her in gymnastics, or martial arts or ballet, and she’s be so cute and we could dress her in a mini you out fit. And if we have a boy, we can put him in gymnastics or martial arts. or ballaet and we can dress up like a mini me! I just want to knooooooow!”

Y/n just laughed at him, placing her hand on his. “Don’t worry the doctor will be here any second.”

After an excruciating 2 minutes of waiting, the doctor finally came in. Then after another never ending three minutes of introductions, the ball was finally rolling and the blob like image of his liltle baby was on the screen.

“Okay... so... its... It’s a girl!” the doctor said.

He let out a shriek. “I love her more already! We are naming her Jackie! We have to!”

Youngjae:

“A girl!” He cheered. He couldn’t help but feel like he made up of puppies and rainbows. There was nothing but joy in his body

His mind filled with the joys of a first time father, everything cuter because now he can picture a baby girl. His thoughts were a going 100 miles an hour, picturing her first steps, her finally saying “dad”, her first day of school. “Ah, our little girl!” he smiled at the thoughts

His mind continued to race and now in his day dreams he was a middle aged man with a teen daughter. He pictured the first “I hate you dad!”, the first. “So this is my boyfriend” (hating the imaginary boy in this hypothetical day dream), catching her sneak out of the house, her and her boyfrined going on their first real date, her high school graduation.

Then in his mind his mind continued, suddenly he was thinking about her first day of college, her graduation, her wedding, finding out she was going to have  baby, then he was going to be a grandpa!

But then what if he missed everything because he was busy with work?!? What if she wanted to be an idol like him?!? What if she ever let the country and was far away from him?!? He could feel himself getting light headed as the possibilities filled his mind. “Oooooooh I don’t feel good.” he thought.

He looked over to y/n, wanting to let her know the mess that was going on in his head, but he kept his mouth shut when he saw the look on her face. She stared the screen with pure love. There were tears in her eyes and the biggest smile on her face. He looked at the screen again and all those worrisome thoughts faded away. Now matter what was going aspects of life were going to come up, he was ready for it because he knew he loved his little girl before she was even out in the world.

Bambam:

“It’s a boy!” the dotor cheered.

Bambam couldn’t help but let out a laugh” Y/n i knew it!” he beamed. “Now you owe me fifty bucks!” he laughed, joking about the bet they made on the drive to the appointment.

Y/n could care less about what he was talking about she had her eyes glued to the screen staring at their baby. Looking at the screen, the thought of their joke of a bet escaped his mind and he couldn’t help but feel happy about being dad.

He leaned down next to y/n. “Baby, we’re gonna be parents!” he said with a smile “We are gonna have a little boy!”

Yugyeom:

He and y/n waited eagerly for the doctor to reveal the gender of their baby. The doctor turned away from the screen and looked between the both of them. “You guys ready?” she asked with an almost mischievous smile. “What were you guys hoping for by the way?”

“Oh, we don’t care too too much.” Y/n began. “We mostly care about the baby being healthy.”

“Buuut, we wouldn’t mind knowing what color to paint the nursery though.” Yugyeom added, hinting that he really wanted to know what they were going to have. “I’m really hoping for a girl.” He smiled. “and y/n is secretly hoping for a girl too even though she says she doesn’t care too much.” 

The doctor laughed. My husband and i were the same way a while back, we ended up having a boy. We still love him alot though... But for the two of you, it looks like you two got what you wanted. You are having a girl!”

At the same time he and y/n let out a shierk of excitement. “We’re havinga girl!” he smiled.hugging y/n so tight.

-Admin Boat

[everybodyknows-everybodydies]

ALRIGHT I have apparently a lot of things I’ve been tagged in (recently or otherwise) so we are gonna do one big post of those things under the cut here to save your dash (sorry if you’re mobile and the app isn’t doing a read more D:) - stating it now I’m not gonna tag anybody bc I took so long to get around to it oops

10 favorite characters from 10 different fandoms things -Ami Mizuno (Sailor Moon) -Elizabeth Corday (ER) -River Song (DW) -Delilah (Firewatch) -Velma Dinkley (Scooby Doo) -Molly Grue (The Last Unicorn) -Lady Macbeth (Shakespeare) -Yang Xiao Long (RWBY) -Dana Scully (The X-Files) -Tuppence Beresford (Agatha Christie)

Writing Tag 1. How many works in progress do you currently have in progress? “Just” three - Princess and the Goblin AU, a personal project, and an original work about the world’s grumpiest immortal old lady 2. Do you/would you write fanfiction? Yes and yes :P 3. Do you prefer paper books or ebooks? Paper books to own, but for schoolwork I’d much rather use ebooks as they’re a lot easier to search through when writing a paper and needing that one quote. 4. When did you start writing? Age six! We still have the word document from 2003 where I wrote an epic tale about myself helping the Boxcar Children solve a mystery in which my mom was, for some reason, a police officer. 5. Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with? Knight! 6. Where is your favorite place to write? At home, sitting on my bed. That’s where I work best in general; I don’t do well with the distractions of public places. 7. Favorite childhood book? Oh gosh. I was a ridiculously avid reader all through childhood. I don’t know that I could pick a single one, but the Nancy Drew series had me from very early on. 8. Writing for fun or writing for publication? For fun! But in an ideal world there would also be publication in the future lol. 9. Pen and paper or computer? Computer! I used to do pencil and paper when I was in middle school/high school and filled up a few composition notebooks, but I get too easily sidetracked with pencil and paper and tend to end up doodling if I try to use it for writing nowadays. 10. Have you ever taken any writing classes? I have! I did a fiction/poetry combo the summer of 2014 which was very nice, a poetry class fall of 2015, and am currently in another poetry class. One day I’ll get to have my fiction workshopped again! :P 11. What inspires you to write? Lots of things - music, dreams, other people, daydreams...

Last sentence you wrote:

She’d thought maybe she was doing it wrong, and that was why, but she didn’t quite know how to ask.

Top 5-10 songs you listen to: 1. Fire Escape by Love, Robot 2. Cherry Tree by The National 3. I Wish I Was Your Cigarette by K.I.D. 4. Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko 5. Beneath the Brine by The Family Crest

that one tag thing it didn’t have a title sorry Name: Mouse Star sign: Cancer Average hours of sleep: 5-8 depending on the day Lucky number: 7 or 27 based on numbers I like, but the OCD demands repetitions of 12 or 20 so take that as you will Last thing I googled: “panko crumbed turkey schnitzel” because I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS AND I WANTED TO KNOW IF I COULD EAT IT Favorite fictional character: Yes I Have Lots of Those What are you wearing right now: Batman pj pants and a soft green plaid buttonup When did you start this blog: May 2013 :’) please don’t go look at my first posts I was an embarrassing child What do I mostly post: Sailor Moon, Alex Kingston, helpful art things, and lately a lot of middle-of-the-night squawking about Scooby Doo Do I get a lot of asks: on the art blog! not here though lol Why did I choose this URL: River Song + memento mori

another one that doesn’t have a title I think sorry again O N E -name: Audrey || nickname: Mouse || zodiac sign: Cancer -height: 5′2″ || orientation: ace lesbian || ethnicity: white enough to make hiding in laser tag very difficult -favorite fruit: apple || favorite season: winter -favorite book: The Last Unicorn || favorite flower: carnation? -favorite scent: vanilla || favorite animal: cat -coffee, tea, or hot cocoa? no thank you -cats or dogs? cats -dream trip: I go to an abandoned, isolated castle in the middle of a wide-open field of green. no one is around. I am wearing a soft, billowy dress. I run through the halls of the castle to echoing sea shanties. in the tallest tower of the castle I sit and fill up an entire sketchbook and it doesn’t even matter if I mess up on a couple pages because I have brought sticky notes to try that cool thing where you just slap a sticky note over the mistake and keep going. -aesthetic: old empty buildings, soft blankets, girls holding hands, scuffed up knuckles and fingertips, the pages in a sketchbook where marker has bled through in just a few spots to make it look splattered, the smell of old books, antique brass pocketwatches, cold grey skies -favorite band/artist: Anberlin -fictional character I’d date: River Song, Elizabeth Corday, Makoto Kino -Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw T W O -countries I’ve lived in: US, UK I guess now? idk does it count -favorite fandom: uhh... if we’re talking about the fandom itself then Scooby Doo, there’s so little drama and everyone is just super into these goofy kids solving mysteries, it’s great -languages you speak: English, and I’m passable enough in Spanish that I could PROBABLY survive if I were dropped in a Spanish speaking country -favorite film of 2016: I have No Concept of Time and also don’t watch that many movies. did Wonder Woman come out in 2016? that’s like the only movie I’ve been to see in theatres recently. idk I apologize -last article you read: uhh something for class, so something about Gothic feminism -last thing you bought online: a maroon sweatshirt with Scooby’s face on it. I am the coolest adult and 12yo me would be proud. -how would your friends describe you: sweet but a huge dork, very little common sense, means well -how would your enemies describe you: I am always trying my best to not make enemies so?? I don’t know?

questions Nikki asked specifically 1. You spend an entire year in another time and place for the next three years of your life. When/where do you choose and why? THESE KINDS OF QUESTIONS STRESS ME OUT because on the one hand, access to everywhere and everywhen!! BUT ON THE OTHER HAND IF I GO TOO FAR BACK INTO THE PAST I LOSE ACCESS TO THINGS LIKE MEDICINE WHICH I NEED AND POSSIBLY CONTAMINATE THE POPULATION WITH MODERN-DAY GERMS WHILE IF I GO TOO FAR INTO THE FUTURE I GET EXPOSED TO BACTERIA/VIRUSES I HAVE NO IMMUNITY AGAINST. it’s a lose/lose. so... picking close enough to not do too much damage, I’ll spend one year following Agatha Christie around sometime in the 60s, mentor my younger self in 2010, and go through all of 2014 again just so I can go see the Armory production of Macbeth. 2. Okay, be honest: do you put your laundry away immediately, or does it sit somewhere in a pile for entirely too long? IT SITS AT THE END OF MY BED FOR WEEKS YOU DON’T HAVE TO CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS 3. Describe yourself as if you’re in a fic. (Scent, appearance, aura – everything & anything is game.) “She was small and mousy, in the sense that she was a bit skittish of everything and squeaked sometimes when she talked, always too quiet for the ‘real’ grownups. She stepped lightly, and tried to take up as little space as possible, and was almost a ghost for her efforts.” 4. What non-essential thing(s) do you blow the most money on? MARKERS AND BOOKS I am a simple woman with simple desires 5. Did you have extracurricular activities as a child? Any that you wish you’d done? I did ballet and cheer in elementary school for like two years, gymnastics for a bit; journalism in middle school (say hello to the editor-in-chief of the school newspaper y’all); drama in high school - I can’t say that I wish I’d done any more actually 6. You can time travel (or not) and have your portrait done by any artist. Who do you choose? I'm gonna go with El Greco simply because his “Penitent Magdalene” haunts me 7. You’re out in public. You see a cat. How do you react? point at it and say CAAAAAAAT and hope it doesn’t run away 8. What kind of weather do you thrive in, and what can you simply not do? A bit cloudy and 50-60 degrees F is ideal. I cannot abide heat. Anything above 80 degrees is repulsive. 9. Om nom nom, breakfast! What are your favorite breakfast foods? CEREAL AND WAFFLES 10. Do you like running up and/or rolling down hills? ...not particularly... I have a weird thing about heights, and inclines do not really help D:

[toaster--strudel]

get to know me?

So I was asked to fill this out by a friend and am doing so for them, so here we go okay /w\

1. Are you named after anyone?

I actually am not named after anyone, my mom chose my name when she was little and that was it.

2. When was the last time you cried?

tbh like fifteen minutes ago.

have to come up and change this because i cried again about three minutes ago.

3. Do you have kids? 

oh god no

4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?

mmmmh, I, don't know. that's a hard question.

5. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

yes, 23/7

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

I'd say their eyes, it's a good way to tell if they want to interact with you or not.

7. What is your eye color?

my eye color changes from a hazel to a dull gray. Thankfully I look good with both though!

8. Scary movie or happy endings?

uhh... I love being scared, Halloween, all of that stuff. I 100 outta 10 want to watch scary movies. However, I need to watch them with someone else or I cant get through 15 minutes, a comedy after helps with nightmares too!

9. Favorite smells?

horses, horse fly spray, rainforest, rain, pine forest, the outdoors??

10. What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home?

well, from the U.S.to Australia, I guess. my mom's sisters live in Australia 

11. Do you have any special talents?

as the crazy person that I am, and me being an equestrian, I have some crazy talent with a horse! I can ride bareback and bridleless, I can ride English, in three-day eventing, I can ride endurance. I can do western pleasure, flat track, courses, endurance races, and a bit of trick riding! I train horses to ride at liberty, as well, but, to be honest, fun play days are my favorite, my mare Bell and I love to go in the water and swim and she lets me jump off of her and swim underneath her!

12. Where were you born?

Albuquerque New Mexico, my friends.

13. What are your hobbies?

whoo boy. okay, well, I like to go outdoors and ride, trail rides are fun, I like most things that do with horses, or animals really. talking about my cat. anime and manga, writing, rp is nice? talking about my cat, camping, talking about superheroes, and ocs. these are a few!

14. Do you have any pets?

Horses: Belle, Vesta, Artessa, Viago, Clare, Calera, Luna, Cayenne, and the new members are baby Cassarah and baby Chimayo!

Cats: we have a lot of wild ones that just came here out of nowhere, most likely because our heard of cats is very welcoming. so in all, we have around 20, but the babies that will be moving with us are. IttyBit. IttyBit is 19 like me and has been with me from week three of life, she is my queen and if anyone fucks with her I will chop your head off. then we have Taiga, TickTock, Tyrian, Jamie, Zuko, English, Floki, Doll, and Jesus Boots.

Dogs: Molly, Vail, Fatty McButter Pants, Bella, Spain, Cullen, and Dovahkiin

15. Do you have any siblings?

I do! I have my older brother, Bobby, and an older half-sister, Jesse!

16. What do you want to be when you grow up?

blep an equestrian, so I am what I want to be, but I still want to be better!

17. Who was your first best friend?

A pair of brothers named Jake and Ian! and I still love them both very much! We have known one another for around 15 years!

18. How tall are you?

I am 5′8″ I think... mmmaaybe a bit shorter?

19. Funniest moment throughout School?

one would be when I was running through the hall once to get to a class, and the teachers tended to shut the doors and I was late but if I ran fast enough, then I would make it on time right? Well, I didn't, and these are some nice solid wood doors. I was coming in too hot, and I couldn't stop myself, and u hit it so hard I knocked it off of its hinges and fell into the classroom. From then on I was called the bulldozer in school.

The other would have to be the lazy day. we were told to wear our PJs, and something to curl up in, and of course, I brought my entire fucking bed. my mattress and blankets and pillows, and I stuck wheels on that and my friend and I wheeled around all day because fuck you slow hall walkers and people who don't give me space. and also motor wheeled teachers to and fro classes.

I got my own page in the yearbook that year, AND THE NEXT YEAR EVERYONE WANTED TO BE MY FRIEND AND I CRIED BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH ATTENTION I WAS GETTING AND HAD TO GO TO A TEACHER TO ASK THEM TO HELP WITH PEOPLE CROWDING ME.

that was not meant to be in caps but I'm too lazy to backtrack and type it normally.

20. How many countries have you visited?

fuck.okay, uhh. Australia, France, Ireland, Italy, Mexico, Portugal, and Spain. 

21. What was your favorite/worst subject in High School?

my favorite was reading unless it was the morning out loud reads fuck that.

my worst subject was math

22. What is your Favorite drink? Animal? Perfume?

Shirley temple

Lion

CHANEL N°5 its what my mom and her mom wore and whenever i smell that it brings me wayy back.

23. What would you (or have you) name your children?

mmh, if I have kids of my own... I don't know, I like the name, Axel, so there's that?

24. What Sports do you play/Have you played?

I'm an Equestrian, but I have played basketball and did ballet for a while.

25. Who are some of your favorite YouTubers?

@markiplier matthew santoro, Seananners, simply nailogical, and i like buzzfeeds tryguys, hashtag my bois.

26. How many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have you had?

I have has zip, zero, nada relationships. well there was one, but it was a bet, to see if the guy who asked me out could be able to kiss me within five days but i dont consider that to count.

27. Favorite memory from childhood?

When I moved to Idaho, I had no friends and my first birthday there, my brothers friend Somrak, got me this pretty wax flower in this glossed wooden sphear box, and I have treasured it to this day, I was  7 turned 8 then, and him and my brother were like, 10. even my brother got me nothing and I was just so happy I cried.

28. How would you describe your fashion sense?

comfy, my mom calls me a Rag a’ Muffin, so, whEeZEs

29. What phone do you have? (iOS v Android?)

I... I have lost having a phone privilege because the last one I had, I set it under a jump and jumped my horse over it and it got crushed.

30. Tell us one of your bad habits!

I nom on my fingers, I tend to be fridged and cold when I meet people, and I think I tend to be overprotective and get angry at the people i’im protective of easily.