#this was weirdly fun to discuss tho

[saltymongoose]

Hihi! Im a bit new here (cough even though I’ve read like everything already cough) and i just wanna say i FUCKING, LOVE your depiction of grunts!!! Ive always felt they were more, animal like? With the paws and growling and purring and aaaa! /pos

But i do have a bit of a question for you!! You you don’t need to answer, and if you don’t want too you can just ignore this entirely! But i wanted your thoughts and opinions on this, do you think grunts have mating cycles? Aka, heats/ruts? Its been on my mind quite a bit, and as someone who doesn’t necessarily write fanfiction, i just wanted an opinion from someone who does on this little thought!!

Anyways!! I love your writing so much <3 and I’m glad you’re getting some more lenient time with uni and everything! Have a good day!!! And remember to drink some water or eat a snack <33

(If its alright, might I go by Pop Anon? :0 Or just Pop for short!)

(TW: A bit suggestive for the subject matter, but this reads more like a biology lesson/explanation than anything.)

Hello, Pop! Welcome to the blog, I'll make sure to add you to my Anon list. :) I'm also really happy you like the way I depict grunts; I've always tended to lean into a more non-human portrayal of them since I really like to explore the differences they'd have with us. (It also made enough sense to me with the paws they have and the purring hcs I'd seen before, etc.) Plus, I'm just a big fan of non-human characters and grunts can fit this really well, being the cross-faced homunculi that they are lol.

I'd also be more than happy to answer your question too. If we were to go even more into how animalistic grunts could be, to put it shortly, yes! I do in fact think that grunts would probably go through mating cycles. Or at least some of them would.

The reason I make this clarification is because of how generations and cloning work. Basically, my hc is that all Gens before G03s (G03LMs) would probably have these cycles, but after G03's, all of the new grunts are clones, which makes it more unlikely.

(Further clarification below with a little weird biology stuff I know fsr, this response got pretty long. 😅 I do include a note where the complicated stuff ends tho, if you don't care for reading it. 👍)

This includes G04s and MAGs, according to the wiki. Given how dystopian the Nexus Core and AAHW are (specifically the AAHW, with how a majority of them are also S3LFless), I think population control might be an element they'd include. Or at least they'd try to get rid of heats/ruts because it makes grunts "unproductive" or some weird corporate nonsense like that. 🙄 So I can see some genetic manipulation going on to sort of "erase" the behavior for the cycles.

Whether the later generations even have the capability of experiencing them depends on how this behavior is altered. Though if we go with genetics, and use the logic of pseudogenes (genes that are not "used" but are still there in the genetic code), then technically one could have a G04 experience a heat cycle/rut by sort of "reawakening" the gene. This could be by grafting a part of from an earlier grunt to them, fiddling more with their genetics, etc.

And even with pseudogenes and "dormant" traits, some clones would still probably exhibit mating cycles as the product of a flawed development cycle. (Called "atavisms" in biology, where ancestral traits occasionally make a reappearance in new lines.) If you want to go really far, all of this biology stuff could probably be applied to fertility as well in later clones (because population control ¯\_(ツ)_/¯), but I digress.

(End of In-Depth Explanation)

As you can tell, I've probably put too much thought into this lol. Basically, what this means is the following grunts would have mating cycles: Phobos (G01), Hank (G02), Deimos (G02), Sanford (G02), and 2BDamned (G02).

With G03LMs, they're stitched together corpse parts so I am undecided (I still need to figure out how that works lmao), but with all gens after 3 it's probably pretty unlikely. But not impossible.

(P.S. Thank you so much for your kind words, Pop, and I hope you have a good day too! <3)

[scaredpigeons]

More than some stress relief

Blade x Stelle NSFW 18+ MDNI

CW: Stelle asks Blade to spar with her, and unfortunately that results in some unresolved sexual frustration, because c’mon, he’s still a whole ass man. Luckily, mama Kafka steps in to lend a helping hand. (Not her literal hand, she just buys the toy lol) phone sex, mutual masturbation? The fleshlight blade uses is connected to Stelle through the (magical) necklace that was part of the set. (Magical) creampie.

WARNING: Blade is very violent in his descriptions of how he threatens to bone Stelle. If you’re uncomfortable with him saying things along the lines of: —until the carnage is unrecognizable, —until you’re nothing but hot pulp running through my fingers (just to paraphrase loool) please do not read this. Blade is a very broken man, I was really trying to play off his more violent tendencies with this one. Stelle is so fuckin down bad tho (relatable)

If you are 18+, comfortable with some gory descriptors, and willing to read, please continue! Enjoy.

——————————

🐺👾: you want to…. Spar with blade? Are you a masochist or something? Should I be concerned? 

🦝🗑️: shut up 

🦝🗑️: I have this crazy lance and I don’t really want to hurt anyone by practicing with it 

🦝🗑️: I know he’s got that healing thing going on 

🐺👾: 👀 …. 

🐺👾: I’m telling him you called it that 

🦝🗑️: DONT U DARE 

🦝🗑️: JUST PLEASE ASK THE MAN IF HE CAN SPAR WITH ME WITHOUT KILLING ME 

🦝🗑️: AND DON'T TELL HIM IT'S ONLY BECAUSE HES WEIRDLY INDESTRUCTIBLE 

🦝🗑️: I don’t wanna like, offend him or anything. Obvi I don’t want him to get hurt, but like, the off chance I slip up with this thing… he isn’t gonna get murked. You know? 

🐺👾: okay okay I get it, I’ll ask 

🦝🗑️: 😩🩶🩶💯🔥

🐺👾: he agreed. Here’s the coordinates. Have fun, don’t die. 

————

“Thank you for agreeing to this, I really appreciate it!” 

The man in front of Stelle says nothing, only stares as the winds coming off the water pick up loose strands of his hair, making the inky strands flow behind him. 

“You… remember me, right?” Stelle tentatively asks. 

Still nothing. 

“It’s okay if you don’t, we don’t even have to go through with this, I just thought you would be the best person for what I’m—“ 

“I remember you, Trailblazer. My mind is not so far eroded that I’d forget you so easily.” 

His voice is dark, just as raspy as she remembers it. She has to clench her teeth to suppress a shudder. If March could hear her thoughts, she’d blush and squeal, smacking her arm in scandal. If Dan Heng could hear her thoughts… he’d institutionalize her immediately. 

This man is dangerous. Incredibly dangerous. Stelle had to lie about where she was going just so no one would try to talk her out of it. 

Danger always pulled at something inside her though, that nasty, deranged thing inside her that craved violence and adrenaline. She figured it was a side effect of hosting a stellaron inside her body, but man— did this guy make her wish she could have something else inside her body too.

 *Wink wink*

Aeons. She’s such a fucking simp. If it wouldn’t make her look bat shit insane, she’d smack herself right now just to get her shit together. 

“Oh…” she said instead. “That’s good. I’m glad.”

An awkward pause lingered between them, and she found herself thinking that maybe she was standing a bit too close to him, despite there being at least two feet between them. 

“Are you… doing well? The last time I saw you, Kafka was… helping you feel better.” She said hesitantly. 

It could’ve been her imagination, but she swore that the furrow of his brow softened ever so slightly. 

“We’re not here to discuss such trivial matters.” His voice was harsh nonetheless. 

“Right, right.” Stelle said, scratching the back of her neck sheepishly. “So, how do we do this?” 

Blade summoned his sword, dragging his fingertips across the edge before spreading the tainted blood across the flat of it, causing the cracked blade to glow and radiate with unnatural power. 

“It is not your time or place to die here, so luckily for you, I will show restraint.” 

—————

Stelle could tell Blade was holding back, true to his word. 

Any flames she created were either quelled by his winds, or overfanned by his elemental power to the point that they grew too dangerous for the environment around them, or even Stelle herself. 

She found that with her control over the lance, she could call forth and dissipate her fires at will, so the damage to herself was minimal. 

She worried that if the flames grew too large, she’d lose control over them— but every time, she willed them away and they would flicker out, leaving charred shrubbery and stone in their wake. 

Didn’t mean they weren’t hot as shit though.  

The first time she’d used the lance, the freezing temperatures of Jarilo XI dulled just how hot her new weapon could become. 

But now, well she couldn’t tell if her sweat was from the flames or just how hard her opponent was pushing her. 

He was toying with her, clashing together brutally before jumping away and circling her like a hawk. 

He was resistant to her taunts, though keeping up with him left little room for her to pause long enough to think of something to say. 

He seemed completely at ease though, the violence in his eyes and the murderous grin doing nothing to help the degenerate part of her brain that was screaming and crying and throwing up at the opportunity to observe him like this up close, without Dan Heng around to make her feel guilty for admiring this man so much. 

Her arms grew heavy, and she’d not even made him sweat, let alone injure him in any way. 

She knew that the lack of true danger was causing her to remain at a reasonable power level, flash backs to the Herta space station incident making her shudder. 

She was really no match for him in this kind of situation. 

He lunged for her again, and this time, she was too tired to react properly. She parried his strike, but missed the signs of his next move, getting her feet swiped out from beneath her as he tackled her to the ground. His sword stabbed into the dirt just beside her head as he landed on top of her, effectively straddling her as he pinned her with his intense gaze. 

Her eyes flitted back and forth between his as her breath heaved in her chest, her heart racing as she struggled to right herself after being disoriented so badly. 

Something in his expression shifted, and instead of murderous amusement, his gaze seemed… hungry. 

He leaned closer, ever so slowly, and continued staring at Stelle so intently it made her do something so embarrassing she knew she would never live it down. 

She whimpered. 

His eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he was gone. 

He pulled away from her and disappeared within the same breath, leaving her lying there in the dirt as she caught her breath. 

She ran her hands over her face. “Well fuck.” 

—————

🐺👾: what did you do to him? 

🦝🗑️: ??????? 

🐺👾: last week. When the two of you sparred, did something happen? 

🦝🗑️: ….

🦝🗑️: why 

🐺👾: ever since he got back he’s been fucking pouting. 

🐺👾: well, I mean pouting in the way that blade does. It’s more of a scowl than anything else, but I’ve known him long enough to differentiate between his various types of frowns. 

🦝🗑️: … nothing happened. We fought. I lost, obviously. But no one was hurt or anything. 🙃 everything’s totally normal 

🐺👾 added Kafka🕷️💕 to the chat

🐺👾: Kafka, what’s she hiding? 

Kafka🕷️💕: some sexual tension, most likely. 

🦝🗑️: …. -_- 

🦝🗑️: mother, why hast thou forsaken me????

 Kafka🕷️💕: nothing to be embarrassed about, sweetie. 

Kafka🕷️💕: Bladie may be a tragic creation of the abundance, but his body was once human. It wouldn’t be a far stretch to say that some of the more… human tendencies of a man may still linger within him. 

🐺👾: F

🦝🗑️: F 

🐺👾: so you’re saying he’s pouting and kicking shit because he’s sexually frustrated? That’s fuckin nasty. 

🐺👾: @🦝🗑️ you need to fix this. I don’t wanna look at him sulk anymore 

🦝🗑️: me?!!?!? Tf am I supposed to do??? How is this my fault??? 

🐺👾: you fought him and now he’s horny. Fix it. 

🦝🗑️: … bruh 

Kafka🕷️💕: I don’t think the traditional way of solving this problem will be the best idea, silver wolf. 🤭

🐺👾: wym? 🤨

Kafka🕷️💕: I don’t think it’s safe right now for our little trailblazer and Bladie to get together on a more intimate level… he’s still a bit unstable mentally. 

🦝🗑️: you let me fight this man while hES UNSTABLE 

🐺👾: heh. L 

Kafka🕷️💕: fighting is what he knows. It’s what comes natural to him these days. Emotions? Not so much. 

🦝🗑️: I mean… I’m always down to help anyone whenever I can

🐺👾: *tucks hair behind ear* “i’M aLwAys DoWn tO HeLP aNyONe WHeNeVEr I cAn”

🦝🗑️: BRO FIGHT ME 

🐺👾: no thanks, I have better ways to waste my time 

🦝🗑️: ENGAGE ME IN A BATTLE OF FISTICUFFS RN 

🦝🗑️: IM ALWAYS DOWN TO HELP BUT USUALLY I GET NICE REWARDS TOO 

🐺👾: heh… you want a nice reward for this one too? 

🦝🗑️: I STTA ILL COME FIND UR LITTLE HOLOGRAM AND SMACK THE SHIT OUTTA YOU 

🐺👾: wtf does stta stand for you heathen 

Kafka🕷️💕: ooh! She’s used this one with me before. It’s “swear to the aeons.” Cute, right? 

🐺👾: 🙄 

🐺👾 has left the chat

Kafka🕷️💕: I think I have an idea on how you can help, if you’re open to it. 

🦝🗑️: …

🦝🗑️: what do I need to do? 

———

“Stelle sweetie!” Himeko knocked on her cabin door. “You have a package here.”

Stelle nearly slipped as her sock feet slid along the smooth floor of her room in her haste to reach the door. 

She tumbled along gracelessly and threw open her door, huffing as she took the package from Himeko. 

A box, about five hands wide and three hands deep, wrapped in plain brown paper, with a little card tapped on and slathered with all the necessary postage. 

“Thank you!” Stelle said hastily, reaching for her door. 

“Wait—“ Himeko put a hand to the door shaft, stepping forward a bit with worry in her eyes. 

Stelle cringed a bit, looking up at Himeko and trying to hide the shame she felt creeping up the back of her neck. 

“Listen,” Himeko started, eyeing the little card on the package with Stelles name written in pretty, looping letters. “I know you and that stellaron hunter have some strange connection that we aren’t sure about, and I know you’re unsure too, but I just want you to be careful, okay?” 

It took a solid two panicked seconds for Stelle to realize that Himeko was speaking about Kafka, and not the other stellaron hunter she’d so guilty formed a connection with recently. 

When the realization dawned on her, she tucked her package to the side and pulled Himeko into a tender side hug, snuggling into her chest a bit as she usually did. 

“Thank you for worrying about me, Himeko.” Stelle said, pulling away. “It means a lot to me, and I promise I’m being careful. I won’t do anything to jeopardize the safety of anyone on the express.” 

Himeko sighed, smiling as she pulled back too. “I know, I just worry about you. We’re all here to support you through this, you know that.” 

Stelle grinned. “I do, thank you.” 

The red haired woman nodded, smiling still as she said her goodbyes and left Stelle to her own devices. 

She’d never closed and locked her door so quickly before. 

Throwing the package on her bed, she hastily sat beside it and pulled the card from the packaging. 

She took a moment to trace her fingers over the pretty script on the card, before she tore open the envelope and read its contents. 

Stelle, 

Inside this box you’ll find the fun toy I told you about, along with a new shipping label to send it off to Bladie. 

I’m off on my own right now, far away from him, and I figured he’d handle it a lot better if it came from you, and not me. hehe~ 

Also, you’ll find a beautiful little necklace I had added to the set, that’s for you to wear. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time with it. 

Thinking fondly of you always, 

K 

Stelle blushed a little, Kafka was always saying the strangest things. She tucked the card away in her nightstand and gently pried open the package, not wanting to tear the postage stamps. 

Inside was indeed the… thing that she was told about, and she blushed furiously while looking at the nondescript white box, though the size and shape was very indicative of what was inside.

She pulled the new shipping label out, looking at the address inquisitively and realizing she had no idea where Blade even was, not recognizing the planet. 

She sat it aside and pulled out the other small box inside, opening it up and finding a rather beautiful blue choker necklace. The colour was reminiscent of her garter, and she smiled, happily pulling the gift from its box and wrapping it around her slender throat. 

It clicked nicely in the back, and fit perfectly. She smiled, patting it and thinking about how it was such a thoughtful gift, however strangely unrelated. Then again Kafka was a bit of an enigma regardless, so who knows what her thought process was when putting these two together. 

Stelle closed up the box, slapping the new shipping label over the old one and eyeing it as it sat in the middle of her bed. 

Fuck, I should probably write him a letter, some kind of explination so he doesn’t just throw it away without opening it. 

She scurried to her desk, pulling out a very cutesy animal themed stationary set that March had gifted her after their mission on Jarilo XI. 

The envelopes and cards were soft blue, covered in cute little bunnies and bears and what Stelle thinks are pink raccoons, surrounded with hearts and little stars. 

She laughed at the idea of Blade handling such delicate paper, and got to writing a quick note on her desk.

Hey, 

Don’t hate me, but SW was complaining about your… mood lately, and I thought this might help. I totally fuckin get it, trust me, I understand. Traveling with a group of people that’s more like family than anything else can really put a damper on your… personal time. So please take time for yourself, if not for me, then to at least make silver wolf stop complaining to me that you’re moody. 

I look forward to the day you’ll spar with me again. 

-Stelle 

It might’ve been doing a bit too much, but Stelle couldn’t help but feel like the note might help him to be more receptive to the gift. 

Being a bit delusional never stopped her before, so why should it now? 

She slid the card in the envelope and slapped it to the package, picking it up to go and have it delivered. Hopefully she could feel a bit more at peace once it was gone. 

—————

A quick and impatient knock sounded on his room door, pulling him from his deep meditation on the floor. 

“Hey asshole, you’ve got a package.” 

He and Silver Wolf were sent together to fulfill one of Elio’s scripts, and it was a brief period of lull in their respective duties. 

The inn they were staying at wasn’t lavish by any means, but they were discreet, and that’s really all they could hope for. 

Blade released a breath through his nose as he rose from the floor, walking over and opening up his room to find his fellow hunter standing impatiently, tapping her foot on the rough carpet of the hallway. 

Blade hated carpet in the hallways of inns. Always disgusting and ridiculously coloured. 

“Here.” Silver Wolf shoved the box in his hands, her grin was wide, spreading to her eyes which twinkled up at him with the mischief he tried so desperately to avoid. 

“Who could possibly know where we are right now.” He grumbled at her, though she was already turning to leave. 

“I have an inkling, and hopefully the stick falls out of your ass soon.” She laughed maniacally as she waltzed down the hall. “Enjoy!” 

Blade felt his brow scrunch up tight as he eyed the package. The blue envelope tapped into it was terrible to look at, the childish print making him want to throw it away immediately, but the unfamiliar lettering spelling his name across the paper made him pause. 

He brought the package to his bed, sitting down and thumbing open the envelope. 

The contents of the card made his stomach drop and then lurch into his throat. He was ready to run silver wolf through with his sword. 

Calm yourself. 

He took steady breaths, though he was angry, he was also rather curious about what exactly was in the box. 

With a carefulness he didn’t remember he had, he pried open the package to find a smaller white box without any words or indicators of what could be inside. 

He lifted the lid, only to drop it in shock at what lurked within. He knew what that was. He was older than most but he was still a man, and he knew exactly what had been sent to him— what was to help his “mood.” 

He sighed, pinching his temples. He didn’t know whether he wanted to thank silver wolf or strangle her. Either way, he’d be getting some kind of relief today. 

———————

Stelle was eating dinner when she felt the first phantom touch. 

Fingertips, as soft as a whisper, ghosting over her pubic mound and making her stomach dip. 

Her eyes darted around, but everyone else was still enjoying their meal, chatting quietly together with the melody of silverware accompanying their voices. 

She was sat beside Dan Heng tonight, but both of his hands were above the table. 

She leaned back to look at him below the waist, looking to see if he’d manifested his tail and was making a pass at her, or more likely, was absentmindedly flicking it about like he did whenever he took his secondary form. 

But no, he was tailless this evening, and now eyeing her a bit warily as her eyes darted around. 

“You okay?” He murmured, not wanting to bother the others. 

The touch ghosted along her outer labia now, making her drop her fork in shock. 

Everyone was looking at her now, and she felt something pulse around her throat, right where her new necklace rested. 

Her face heated, and she placed her utensils onto her half finished plate before scooting from behind the table. 

“I’m… not feeling the greatest. I think I’m gonna go to bed early, if you all don’t mind.” 

She stood quickly, standing there for a moment as the touches continued, soft and inquisitive. 

“Are you alright?” Welt asked, concerned. “Would you like me to bring you some tea, or medicine?” 

“No!” Stelle jumped, before she caught herself and smiled sheepishly. “I’m alright, just feeling a little off. Probably just need some good sleep. I’ll see you all in the morning?” 

They all nodded, watching her go with worried eyes, but letting her leave without more questioning, which she was so grateful for. 

As soon as she made it to her room, she felt the first touch swipe through her core, and she nearly keened. 

Her throat pulsed, the necklace weakly glowing in the dark of her room. 

Her body felt hot. She was embarrassed at the amount of wetness that was pooling in her underwear, but most importantly, she was so fucking confused at what was going on. 

Something wet and blunt prodded at her entrance, and her knees buckled as she locked her door. 

She nearly crawled to her bed as her choker pulsed and pulsed with a weak glow, and the blunt thing, which felt suspiciously like a pair of fingers, finally slipped inside her, curiously prodding around, as if feeling her out. 

She slapped a hand over her mouth as she squeezed around the phantom digits, their touch lingering at her g spot with ridiculous precision. The fingers withdrew and she breathed a sigh of relief, though it was short lived as something much, much larger prodded itself at her entrance. 

Her eyes widened, and she scrambled to pull Kafkas card from her bedside drawer. 

“you’ll find a beautiful little necklace I had added to the set, that’s for you to wear. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time with it. “

Stelle hadn’t realized what those words meant at the time, but as the blunt head of a ridiculously sized phallic object pushed at her hole, the meaning slapped her in the face like a rouge automaton. 

Her back arched off the bed as the phantom cock pushed into her, and she choked on a moan as it buried itself deep within her. She was so ridiculously wet she wanted to cry, and knowing who was on the other end of this feeling made her eyes roll back into her head. 

The thrusts started slow, but slowly worked their way up to something more intense, almost violent. Her insides churned, and she felt the telltale signs of an orgasm building up so quickly she might scream. 

No, no no no. She scrambled, reaching for the necklace, but when her fingers reached the latch, the thrusts changed angles, pounding directly into her g-spot and she cussed into the dark of her room. 

Her orgasm washed over her like a tidal wave, crashing into her and seeping deep into her bones. It was the first actually satisfying orgasm she’d had in an incredibly long time. 

Her fingertips shook as they lingered on the necklace a moment, before she threw them back to her sheets, gripping them tightly as the thrusts continued. 

Fuck, this feels too good.

Through the post orgasm fog, she wondered if he knew. 

Did he know it was connected to her? 

She suddenly felt overcome with guilt. If he didn’t know, this felt a little like taking advantage of his struggles. If he did know, then she wanted to hear him say it out loud, that he knew exactly what he was doing to her. 

She wanted him to hear exactly what he was doing to her. 

With shaking hands and twitching thighs, she slapped around her bed for her phone, biting her lip through the pleasure to scroll through her contacts. 

It was nearly at the bottom, and the last time it was used was a hack of Silver Wolf’s, and Kafkas words, not his own. But she had to try regardless. 

She clicked the call button, bringing her phone to her ear as she bit back moans. 

Suddenly, the thrusting within her stopped, though the phantom cock remained buried within her. 

She gasped as the ringing came to a halt as the line picked up.

There was no answer, though she swore she could hear his breathing, just a bit heavier than usual. 

“Don’t… don’t stop.” She whispered. 

She thought she heard his breath catch in his throat. She definitely heard the swallow before he spoke. 

“What are you talking about.” His gravelly voice reverberated through the phone, and she felt the cock inside her move ever so slowly, in and out. 

She bit her lip. “I didn’t know at first, I swear.” Her thoughts were scrambled as the soft thrusts continued, and the knowledge that he was actively fucking himself with the toy while she spoke make her stomach jump in pleasure. 

“You didn’t know what?” He said, voice low and nearly at a whisper. 

“It’s… we’re… we’re connected.” 

The toy stopped, and she sucked in a breath of relief, hoping to gather her thoughts so she could properly explain herself. 

Suddenly a moan was ripped from her chest as his cock thrust into the toy with vigor, and his intense pace was picked back up tenfold. 

She tried to hide it, but the damage was done, and if he didn’t know before, he certainly did now as he listened to her whine and whimper through the phone. 

“I thought the inside felt far too realistic.” He growled. “You’re squeezing me so tight, little Nameless.” 

She gasped, his voice along with the stimulation was far too much, and another orgasm was quickly approaching. 

She tried to play it off like she wasn’t being fucked within an inch of her life though. 

“Yeah well, it’s… been a while since I’ve gotten any action, s-so forgive me for being a little tense.” She stammered. 

He switched his thrusts to hard and deep, so hard Stelle could nearly feel the sensation of his hips hitting hers, and she’s almost positive the fat of her lower half would be rippling in the recoil if he were actually here. 

“I knew as soon as I saw you that you were just a needy hole begging to be filled.” Blade said, voice deep and oh so condescending. 

Stelle fisted the sheets, her eyes nearly rolling into her skull as her needy moans slipped through clenched teeth. He was right, he was so right— but that didn’t mean she needed to concede so easily. 

“That’s bold talk…” she hissed, biting her lips until they felt raw. “…For someone who literally ran away from m-me as soon as his blood traveled south.”  

His dark laugh made her squeeze around him, and she knew he could feel it because the laugh trickled off into a deep groan that set her face on fire. She felt like her fingertips were alight with electricity, like her body was attempting to defy the artificial gravity on the express as she arched off her sheets. 

The pounding within her never faltered as he continued speaking his vile, filthy words at her. 

“You’re lucky I did, little Nameless.” She could almost imagine his murderous grin, the violence that vibrated through his voice was astounding. “If I had stayed I would have fucked you until not even your beloved crew would have been able to recognize the carnage I’d left behind.”

She couldn’t stop the noise that flew from her throat, a guttural keening that had her gripping her cellphone in embarrassment as he laughed once more. 

“Oh?” He teased, voice edged with gravel and venom. “You must be desperate to enjoy the idea of me fucking you until you’re nothing but hot pulp slipping through my fucking fingers.”

Oh she was so desperate, so fucked. If anyone else had said something so absolutely horrifying, she’d have run far, far away. 

“Does the rest of the express crew know how fucking depraved you are?” His thrusts seemed to pick up speed, which would’ve seemed nearly impossible, except she couldn’t exactly think at the moment, only sob as they slammed against that spot inside her over and over again until she felt herself slipping slowly. 

“Do they know that their precious little star wants to be fucked by a monster?” He snarled, and she cried out into the soft light of her room, thrashing around as her orgasm teased its way at her— but she was holding it back, why, why?

“Please,” she gasped. “Please, can I—“ oh, she thought distantly. Oh I’m so fucked up. 

Blade groaned, the slick sounds of him thrusting into the toy ringing in her ear. “So desperate, so polite. You really are something else.”

She keened, arching her back as the feeling licked at her further, so close to toppling over the edge.

“Go on then,” Blade whispered darkly. “Cum for me.” 

It crashed over her, more powerful than anything she could remember feeling. It pulsed through her in quick waves, so strong and violent as he just kept going. 

It started to dance into sickly sweet overstimulation as she heard his breath quicken, and she steadied her breath, wanting to savor this moment. 

“You know,” she breathed. “I’m a lot tougher than you think.”

His breath stuttered, his pace faltering ever so slightly. 

“I could take it,” she whispered. “I don’t think you’d hurt me in any way I didn’t want you to.” 

He faltered, and she heard him cuss under his breath through the phone.

“Yeah?” He whispered. “You’d take what I give you?”

She nodded at her ceiling, knowing he couldn’t see her, but her mind was too foggy with brutal pleasure to think straight. He was undoing her. 

“Every disgusting, violent, nasty thing you’d give me Blade,” she said, clutching the sheets as tears welled behind her eyes, praying he was almost finished but simultaneously never wanting it to end. “I’d take it so well for you, and I’d thank you for it.” 

“Fuck.” Blade moaned, deep and guttural, and his thrusting seized inside her. Much to her shock, she could feel the warmth of him filling her up, pump and after pump of him coating her insides. 

They both lay there, staring at their ceilings and breathing heavily over the phone, not speaking but not really wanting to anyways. 

Finally, once the breath returned to her lungs unlaboured, she felt him pull himself from the toy. 

She felt like she’d been hollowed out, like a crater had been formed where her insides should be, and without him there plugging her up—-her guts would fall out and she’d be left empty. 

He made a confused noise, and just as he did she felt the telltale squelch of cum slipping from her still twitching insides, and she groaned in frustration. 

“Well then,” he chuckled, softer now than before— almost a forbidden sound. “That makes cleaning up easier for me.” 

She smacked her hand over her face. “This is the weirdest toy ever invented, and I'm going to cry the next time I have to face Kafka.” 

“I figured this had something to do with her,” he said, shuffling noises heard from his end of the line. “She can never stay out of my business for too terribly long, unfortunately.” 

“Mine too it seems.” Stelle sighed. She smiled when he made a neutral sound of agreement. 

“You sound like you’re in a better mood.” She said, uncaring of the consequences.

“Well, before I realized what this really was, I was just hoping to release some inconvenient pent up energy.” He said, voice flat. “But I suppose doing it this way has added benefits. I’m no fool, I understand how the human brain works.”

“So this… helped you?” Stelle asked tentatively. 

He sighed. “I’d be lying if I said it was entirely useless.” 

Stelle smiled, stroking the choker around her throat, the delicate glow now completely faded. 

“I’ll keep my end of the connection on, it's simple enough. Just call me next time, okay? I don’t need to embarrass myself at dinner again.”

“I make no such promises.” She thought she heard the faintest of smiles in that last sentence before the line went dead.  

[ziptie-bouquet]

Even if you don't identify as aromantic anymore, you should reblog your old posts from time to time.... They were so good

I'm really glad people liked my posts! This is probably the most attention I've ever got online, and it makes me really happy people related to me so much! I don't think I will reblog them tho.

The second part of the ask was:

Alright so, I got maybe 10 asks with this question over the last weeks (and a couple of hate asks, which made me want to not bring any more attention to it). I'm gonna answer it now in a big personal rant, I guess.

I got partners, left some and I had conversations with my friends about my feelings, and I think it made me reflect more on how I want to think about myself. I'm not sure if any of this is gonna make sense, but I hope it answers your question.

I realized the reason any feelings or interest I have disappear as soon as I start putting myself in boxes like "romantic/platonic/queerplatonic relationships" is just because they always come with more expectations and questions than just being me with someone else. I think I love people weirdly, and I don't feel the need to define it as romantic or non-romantic.

I want to exist outside of it all. If I label myself as aro, I don't feel like I fit in and if I call myself bi I don't feel like it's accurate either. I still have experiences I could attribute to either (no crushes or being uncomfortable when put in some romantic situations even with people I love, wanting to love people in a way that's gonna be I guess by all definitions romantic, etc). But I just feel greater than the sum of those parts.

I kinda have suspicions I'm ND which, if true, most likely do not make it easier for me to understand close relationships and what you'd normally classify them as. But I don't feel like I need to. I think I want to be incomprehensible with people and have fun!

Queer fits for being ambiguous and angry, but really I'm just me. I still hold the cool opinions you liked.

Also, even when I was labeling myself as aro, I felt a clear gap between me and the people here. Even with irl aros. That made me feel like I stood out more, and that's visible in my posts because I would talk about it pretty often.

Might be because I'm a very sexual person and all those spaces are unspokenly made for aroaces. Might be because I want deeper discussions than just what you typically see in aro spaces, which is gonna be memes about how allos are weird. Might be because I'm not aro, and I just don't feel like they do. I dont think it really matters, but I still think that aromanticism has extremely good concepts associated with it, and I wish more people would discuss them.

It tires me out to be associated with a community that prioritizes friendships so much and is riddled with romance/sex negativity even if I was fully 100% sure I'm aro. I know it's not everyone and I've met a lot of cool people in those circles, but it is still so tiring.

It pushed me to want to be myself more and dissociate from bigger queer communities. I'm grateful I got the support I needed then but I think I want to be a little weirdo who fake dates her friends and fucks the brains out of her partners.

[blaiddfailcam]

OH HELL YA I was tagged by @lovthievs for this particular tag game thingamajig! This one looks fun lol

When did you last cry? I feel like I always want to, but it takes a lot to actually get the tears jorkin. Def when I lost my health insurance and had a panic attack that offset my anxiety for like 6 months after tho lol

Do you have kids? In THIS economy? No and I don't really have any desire to, but I don't mind hanging out with my friends' kids and making sure they're up to speed on good music and movies lmao. I am soon to be an uncle which slightly terrifies me but it is exciting nonetheless!!

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Absolutely not, sarcasm is the mark of the devil

What sports do you play? Cornhole

What's the first thing you notice about people? The Vibes. And I do that weird thing where I try to match them so I can attempt to better communicate but the mask slips and I reveal I'm a fukon weirdo

What's your eye color? "Hazel," but I still don't know if that's true. They just look like, green to me.

Scary movies or happy endings? Scary movies, but I also love to hate them lol

Special talents? I'm weirdly good at memorizing geography and navigating. I like overanalyzing art (particularly movies and video games) to the point I tend to crack open The Lore in ways that sometimes makes headlines, which is either cool or way too dorky depending who you ask..

Where were you born? Same place that I'm still trying to get out of 🥲 There are Amish,

What are your hobbies? Video james, drawing/painting, worldbuilding, pretending to be a screenwriter, discussing fiction with others like we're trapped in a monastery together and we only have a day to converse before the next year of silence, primatology, setting up fundraisers for animal conservation, going to concerts

Do you have pets? Our cat Evie, her son Grayby, our fox hound Passion (we didn't name her), and our jack russell, Pebbles!! Evie's the eldest but most spry, Grayby's technically an old man but perpetually a baby, Pash is getting older, and Pebbles ages backwards

How tall are you? 5'8" (5'9" if I didn't have scoliosis!)

Favorite subject in school? Art, literature, then randomly biology

Dream job? Always wanted to work in film, whether screenwriting, cinematography, DoP. I Can Be Your Gaffer. But not with the way that industry's headed lmaoooo

I TAG..... uh. Shit. @amygobrrr @blugoos-corner @fairygodbomber @leftyllama fuck it up!!!!! if any of you feel up to it haha i'm not a cop

[rikitachiquita]

come back… be here | ni-ki

✧ synopsis: working at a cafe can be really fun: the customers being nice, cracking jokes with your coworkers, singing while brewing coffee and so on. but it's even more fun when two members of the staff bicker and fight all day and keep everyone entertained. that's what  hybe cafe is like, thanks to ni-ki and y/n.

✦ warnings: me info dumping about taylor swift and bottling up feelings (?)

⋆04 he is losing it (written 1k)

''you look bored'' said jake while looking at ni-ki. the two best friends were taking a break during their shift, since there weren't any costumers. the whole day had been dull: the weather was cloudy and it kept drizzling, ther air was very cold, especially for a september day and the lack of costumers was getting to the two baristas.

''it's cause i am bored'' replied ni-ki. he had been snappy and on the edge the whole day and jake was trying to understand the reason behind that behavior. if you asked him, he would tell you that that was just his job as a best friend.

''are you sure it's just that? you have been bad-tempered all day'' tried pushing a bit jake. maybe the younger would crack and tell what was going through his mind, even if he kinda had an idea on what it was.

'' it's nothing, don't worry''

''sure cause i will actually believe that''

ni-ki let out a sigh: maybe talking about it would help him. ''do you ever feel like you are lying to yourself?''

''yeah, it happens sometimes, usually when i can't accept something i make myself forget that thought. other times i just put it aside and don't act on it, even if it's not a healthy way to deal with itchy subjects... is something bothering you that you want to talk about?''

at those words ni-ki started thinking: was his brain making up those thoughts cause he was spending too much time at work? maybe he was too tired? it had been a while since he saw all his friends or went dancing. yeah, maybe he should just dance for a couple hours that would clear his mind-

''i think i am weirdly jealous of y/n''

jake was now looking at ni-ki's face, trying to read his emotions, but he wasn't showing any, his face was blank, a void of sentiments ''what do you mean by that?''

ni-ki took another long pause again ''i feel like i should be the only one that can annoy her. it's kind of our thing you know, annoying eachother. it bothers me when someone else does it. it's maybe a bit silly but i don't want to loose our bickerings and little fights cause they make my life a tiny bit more interesting''

''is that all?''

''yeah... do you think it's weird to feel like that?''

''no... as you said those quarrels are your thing, so it's normal to appeal entitled to it. are you sure there is nothing more to it tho?

after a few beats ni-ki decided to shift on another topic, since the discussion was going in a direction that he wanted to stay away as much as he could ''yeah don't worry. do you think that eunchae is going to come and give as a visit?''

jake let the conversation drop, still knowing that there was more to it but waiting for a better moment to dig more into it ''i don't know, she usually texts you, you should check''

ni-ki did as his friends said and as expected, there was eunchae's text: she was going to be at the cafe any minutes.

and five minutes later, there was eunchae in all glory. she went to hug the two guys and ordered her regular: an iced maple latte

''you know chae, maple latte is the drink taylor swift ordered while on a date with the ex that made her write one of her best song ever?'' said jake

''which song?''

''all too well''

''which version?'' asked eunchae. don't get her wrong, she wasn't an actal swiftie but she enjoyed the singer, i mean who wouldn't. she also liked to hear jake (or anyone) talk about their interests, but you would never catch her admitting that.

''i mean every single one but we all know that atwtmvtvftvsgavralps is just superior''

''what does that even mean'' interrupted ni-ki. a loud gasp was heard and that's when sunoo had appeared. of course he would appear in the moment that his favourite singer was mentioned.

''you have been working here for months and you still don't know what atwtmvtvftvsgavralps means? that is all we listen to basically!''

''ohhh he is losing it'' whispered eunchae: she knew that ni-ki would drive the two fans mad.

''no i don't. can you guys explain what it means?''

'' it's 'all too well 10 minutes version taylor's version from the vault sad girl autumn version recorded at long pond studios' '' explained jake

''put it on, i want to hear it since you act like it's the best song that ever existed'' declared ni-ki, and so sunoo did.

he would never admit it out loud, but they were right: ni-ki thought that the song was really good. not just good but actually touching and somehow it kept you curious, even with it's vast lenght.

after that they kept talking while the three baristas did some small chores or served the few costumers that came by.

at one point jake and eunchae were left alone for a few minutes, so jake caught the opportunity to bring up what was bothering him.

''eunchae, i think ni-ki as some kind of feelings for y/n''

''wait why?''

''we talked for a bit earlier and he said something about being jealous when other people make fun of her and how he feels like he is lying to himself''

''oh my god i actully had some suspicions, but you telling me this makes me believe that i'm probably right. i'll ask him in a few days tho, since we are having a sleepover at mine, so he might open up. it's not good when he bottles up his emotions'' she said, sounding a bit concearned

''that's why i brought it up, i know it talks to you about this type of subjects''

''yeah he does, cause i am like cupid''

''omg yes stream fifty fifty''

prev - masterlist - next

✧ note: fun fact, iced maple lattes are actually my favourite drink ever

✦ taglist: open! ask to be added@juyomiao

[avpdvoidspace]

you mentioned in another post that you tend to get obsessive/possessive-ish with safe people and tbh !! I go through a very similar experience. while I AM a total shut-in and rarely interact with others I have also gotten really really codependent with certain "safe people", I read a book excerpt once that said the possessive/codependent tendencies are a part of avpd but haven't seen it discussed anywhere else :(

I haven't had a REAL safe person in years (last one took advantage of that and gave me some nasty ptsd yeowch. I just can't connect with real people like that anymore), but sometimes I develop similar feelings about comfort characters. other people call it a hyperfixation but I'm not autistic/adhd and it definitely feels nothing like how hyperfixations are described. same business tho- I get weirdly possessive with a single character at a time for several years and I do the whole "fantasizing about acceptance and intimacy with them" too. it feels safer in a way but at the same time I block people who like the same character because it makes me insecure LOL. maybe I'll go back to real people someday.

back to the main point tho. I'm not necessarily needy for attention and as you've also said before, when I feel I like a (real) person TOO much I will get scared to be around them and push them away. I am very good at keeping people at an arm's length so the incoming rejection doesn't hurt as bad 💔💔 ahah. BUT I have experienced those feelings of obsession and possessiveness when I've gotten close to people in the past, they can sometimes manifest in a weird aggression but for the most part they just make me anxious and self-conscious (doesn't everything tho?). fun times! it's kinda comforting hearing that other people go through something similar.

Take into consideration that I also do have ocpd (although I think this isn't uncommon for people with avpd) but yeah. The obsession when it comes to a real person can be terrifying because it gives them the power to absolutely shatter you with very little effort, so it gets scary and you can really get the impulse to push them away in case. Real people aside, fictional characters... yeah. I think people with cluster C PDs have our own unique 'type' of hyperfixation that doesn't function exactly like an autistic or adhd person (not that you can't have one or both of these AND be cluster C). It's not something I've seen professionals talk about, but anecdotally, it seems to be true of us. I have a fictional character I've been obsessed with for decades and sometimes when I'm alone, I kind of fantasize that I either am or am with said character just going about my daily tasks and whatnot. Also do this with OCs to a lesser degree... Even before this character, I had others I did this with, going all the way back to early childhood. It was always somewhere between maladaptive daydreaming and actually acting out conversations/activities. It's kind of mortifying to admit, but that's how deep the obsessed/similar thing to hyperfixation goes. I don't know if this is close to what you're talking about but yeah. This level of obsession extends to other areas of my life too, like interests, hobbies, and skillbuilding. It's akin to hyperfixation but imo has its own unique cluster C vibe. Thanks for the ask!

[thesherrinfordfacility]

(last anon= me, was a bit anxious it might not go over well for some reason- off now bc changing the capitalization was a pain)

i agree on the human aus! love their flexibility, the sorta "yeah, may as well happen" you get clicking on something (with love) completely ridiculous. it's also so much fun to see what people do with crowley's eyes and his relationship to the glasses.

i'm very very early in planning this, but i want a&c to be as close to theirshow characterizations as i can possibly get them (book boys are amazing but i want the drama). i don't know that i'll do a very good job at justifying it with their backstories, but i'm gonna try. (idk. people have different opinions on personality being nature vs nurture. i can claim majority nature if it's more convenient)

i'm thinking here that crowley, personally, would have had to kill somebody or a couple somebodies, in an absolute (it at least appeared so, still does), life or death, them or him scenario (only his life saved). said somebody or somebodies would have attacked first, and out of desperation-- not totally their choice either. i'm assuming for the sake of the fic that he'd be able to do it at all, and then survive a couple decades after, so there's... something.

i just can't figure out exactly how he'd have coped with it, and whether he'd, later, think of it as justified, like how much guilt there would be. don't know what's even plausible.

my biggest problem is that framing him as 100% Good and Pure (and weirdly helpless?) like ppl do sometimes is literally my biggest fear writing this (huge mischaracterization in general). i don't want to go for the exact same indifference as in the show, for reasons you mentioned (and also that level of apathy would fuck up the entire rest of the fic), but not too far in the opposite direction, either.

tysm for the first response and considering a second, this seems a whole lot more solvable- and sorry if it's a lot to ask to go over all this (although your ability to hold a shit ton of information at once and then respond eloquently is impressive asf, looking at like every chain with LWA), i just drew a bit of a blank. also my bad if it's got a little heavy for your blog, just realized looking at the tags 😭

oh @aq-uatic you silly goose!!!✨ im absolutely fine with asks like that, please feel free to sling them my way anytime!!! ultimately tho, that's what the tw was for; just in case it was a bit heavy for someone else, but for me, personally? there's not a lot of themes that i feel uncomfortable discussing, almost all topics are welcome and i'll soon say if they aren't!!!💕

ooooh okay, so a self-defence angle!!! i think that that could be interesting to explore, because - well, you could take it from the perspective that crowley is initially very righteous in defending himself, rightly thinking that he deserved to protect himself, and the use of force was proportionate. he could initially come across as quite dispassionate and apathetic about it, "me vs. them? well of course it was going to be me!", and ultimately not want to address the whole concept of having committed murder because, on face value, it was justified. and maybe he privately doesn't want to examine it bc he's apprehensive about what he'd find?

but then as plot (and character) develops, turns out that because the whole thing was so fast, fuelled by adrenaline and the instinct to survive, crowley ends up... not being able to remember much of it? and as details start to come back, i think that's where the cognitive dissonance element would play - that he then has to reconcile himself as being someone who he feels is morally sound, 'would never harm another human being', a good person... but then is starting to remember his fear in the situation, confronting his own mortality, and what it says about him to be able to take another life with little thought other than his own self-preservation? as well as remember the specific physical details of what happened? the sounds, the smells? looks in the mirror afterwards and sees a different person looking back?

obviously without knowing the full motive of the person attacking him, who they are, what their story is etc.,... i think crowley could end up dealing with it in a way that he accepts that he cannot control others' actions, only his own. that that person chose to put him in the position of having to defend himself, and whilst, yes, that person may have had a family, friends, potential... when he's in a position of ensuring his own survival, he may have actually made the best decision he could have at the time. idk if you're planning to explore the attacker's circumstances in any depth, but if - for example - they were trying to rob him out of their own desperation (e.g. homelessness/austerity, fund addiction, peer pressured/gang context, mental health), maybe crowley would deal with that by exploring charitable work, or good causes, that seek to alleviate that very desperation? and that's how he heals from the experience?

again, hoping this might be some food for thought!!!✨💕 please do link me your fic when you've posted anything, i really admire how you're exploring this concept and it sounds really interesting and promising!!! i'll reiterate that i love getting asks, especially when they explore topics like this; i feel the LWA ones are a little bit of an anomaly, for being really analysis-heavy (which i love, let me clear), but getting to be a bit creative is exciting for me too!!!✨

[space-ninja-fashion-show]

Hi I hope this doesn’t come off weirdly or anything but. I really, really love reading all your chatter/ramblings/etc about ocs. It’s been an inspiration/motivation to actually write my own stuff (or rather, attempt to wrangle the hoard of cats I’ve been acquiring), and has raised Interesting Questions especially around warframes mouths/pseudo-mouths and sound

it has also led to some Rather Funny discussions with my best friend.

I hope this didn’t duplicate itself—tumblr freaked out on me. Apologies if it did!

This is so sweet, thank you!! I'm glad I could help you get to Wrangling, good luck with your herd of cats :D

I don't have much on pseudo-mouths aside from Hee Hoo Muppet, they're just fun for me from a character design standpoint. They're unrelated to sound tho! Most warframes are completely silent (their talk through transference is essentially telepathy) aside from purring/growling which originates from their chest (the same way a cat purring doesn't originate from their mouth either)

The middle of the venn diagram between "frames with pseudo-mouth" and "frames that can make sound" is Very Small, and so is the chance of one blessed with both actually having their sound-making-organ in their throat And moving their mouth along with it. For example, Lanius has the ability to make some noises (tho they don't have a movable mouth), mainly infested-like shrieks and this high pitched whine that's their equivalent of crying. The sounds come from their chest, pushed mainly through the air ducts located along their sides

Your Mileage May Vary with what is actually in a pseudo-mouth. In Alden's case it's just a vaguely mouth-shaped cavity covered with the same steel-skin he has everywhere else on his face. Completely dry, has the same amount of feeling, no teeth if you don't count the general jagged shape of it, etc. On the other hand, @riftwalker-limbro's Pule can secrete Gross Goops in there to drool on ppl and make getting chomped on by him a horrible experience for everyone involved, bc he's Like That

[casyawn]

well i personally would love to hear your iwtv opinions so for starters whats something u want to see in s2? is there anything uve liked more in the book than the show? who is your favorite minor character from the show so far? what insane thing from the series do you want to see eventually and how would you adapt it?

Yoo those are extremely good questions, thank you!!! I am unable to give short answers tho and for that I am sorry.

What I'd like to see in season 2: so many things!!! The deterioration of Louis and Claudia's relationship, Lestat being pathetic and hitting rock bottom, Armand being a freak, Claudia's death... those are things i am looking forward to seeing. But what I really, really desire from the bottom of my heart are two very specific things: 1. Louis touching Lestat's face in a mirror of how Lestat often touched his in s1, showcasing their power reversal and also being romantic and sad... and 2. PUPPETS!!!!!! I swear to god. if there are puppets in the vampire theatre I will be able to die a happy man. I love puppets so so much and I truly feel like the presence of creepy puppets would elevate iwtv to unmeasurable heights. This is my number 1 wish of all wishes, truly. please Rolin I am begging for puppets

Something I liked more in the book: I won't lie, I think the show is superior to the book in pretty much every way, as much as I love it. My only real criticism of the show is barely a criticism at all; that it sadly didn't have enough time to dedicate to exploring the many, many interesting themes it brought up. I think it did the best it could possibly do with the runtime it had, but I would have loved more navel-gazing and discussions about the nature of vampirism, humanity, ethics and so on.

Fav minor character from the show: probably Miss Lilly? I'm really intrigued by her and Louis' relationship prior to the show. and I really enjoyed Mr. Anderson - I can't really say he's my favourite as a character but I thought the actor did a great job and gave really fun and memorable line-readings!

Insane thing I'd like to see from the books: HMM there's honestly so many things.... Lestat frenching his mom, Lestat drinking period blood, Armand and the blender... I know some people are worried about later iwtv seasons getting goofy but I personally would love that. I don't even care if it stops being good and just becomes pure fun camp. I feel like, later down the line the show will have to choose whether it wants to sacrifice being faithful to the books in order to keep the tone somewhat classy, or just go balls to the walls vampire Riverdale. and I'm honestly good with either option. so now that that's out of the way, I'll admit I would LOVE to see the alien clone Derek 2 also known as Dertu. I can't explain it but I am charmed and compelled by the very idea of this character, the fact that he's not only an alien but an alien CLONE, of a guy named DEREK of all names, and that he's unoriginally called DEREK 2, then shortened to DERTU which is weirdly cute? So I know in my heart that I would love him. Dertu I am your one and only fan. I hope someday I get to see you on my television screen

[bluesthebest]

I would ask them all but hum... 3, 7, 31, 32

3.do you have a pet peeve when it comes to shipping?

Yes! I do actually. Please, PLEASE do not force them on me I hate that so much. I'm open to anything, I'm open to suggestions, discussions, maybe if they'd go on a date? But I never like for people to practically beg me. I've had that happen to many times in different fandoms and I just. Please. don't. I like to see chemistry first. I don't think that's unreasonable. ;_;

7. what do you think about OC x canon ships? would you play any?

I don't see the issue! :0 If their oc works with the character then why not? Most of the time my "canon" characters become my ocs the longer I have them lol, especially when you have to make up everything else using nothing but context clues. As for if I have? With Blue? No. I have with other characters in different fandoms tho so I'm not unfamiliar with it.

31. do you have a favorite memory when it comes to rping a ship?

Man, there's so many, me dumb teenager just rping online for the first time finding a community of people that like the same thing as I do and it made me feel super happy. I would rp ships with my friends for HOURS and couldn't sleep at all... I was like 14-15 I think? So many fun nights and giggling. One of the few ways I learned to get better writing in English :D

32. do you have a least favorite memory when it comes to rping a ship?

So weirdly enough this pairing was one I REALLY liked but the player was just so controlling and kind of insane? They just needed everything to be the way they wanted or they would yell and berate me a lot. They were also in Japan so I had to stay up late and rp with them even tho so a lot of the time I was really tired, specially after starting college and needing to wake up for school. So when the rp slowed down they would basically hound me? Send me emails in all my accounts, send me messages through Instagram and facebook and twitter (I have NO idea how they found them) it was just not fun. So I had to harshly tell them off and block them everywhere. At the end of the day, this is all for fun. It's fiction. We're just here to enjoy ourselves. Don't be this person. Respect your partners :(

[icharchivist]

In reference to the opinions re-blog, can you share one such opinion for GBF? Or just any fandom you have a tickle for.

HELPPP

I guess it's my heated "obviously it doesn't matter but i'm heated about it" opinions about gbf are like

... under cut because eventually i got heated (at least you can be sure i am serious about those "stupid things that gets me heated despite knowing it's stupid" lmao)

-GBVS only people who constantly ignores the mobage or act like it doesn't exist, even if it's because they genuinely don't know, gets on my nerves. Similarly recent people who went "i can't wait for relink because i don't want to touch the mobage" please don't. This also extends to people who spams my recommended with "lol granblue sucks it doesn't even have rollbacks" i wish you a very "never get rollbacks if you don't get out from my lawn."

-Seeds of Redemption wasn't THAT BAD everyone is just mean. It wasn't even bad and the vitriol against it when it came out has always puzzled me. Also lowkey holding Nehan and Mugen in my arms like "if you only bitched about SoR don't look at them" which is the pettiest i can get.

-Also the argument against SoR that Seofon is "too manipulative and heartless in it" gets on my nerve like, i've never read him as being heartless, and, "too manipulative"?? my dude how long ago is the last time you read the Eternal recruitment quest, this is Seofon alright. Are you woobifying him.

-Enyo is fine, let a girl be murderous once in a while. this one is weirdly petty bc i've first heard of Enyo when she joined the pool and i was seeing people get VERY upset in gbf en's mentions to the point of insulting them, and i was so confused about it. Then i could gather, from also friends who disliked her, that it was because "she was mean and cruel and wants to kill us and also she was awfully mean to Athena" and i was just "..... and? We all want to fuck Belial here what's the problem?" and i've been an Enyo apologist ever since. well. "apologist" in the sense "let a girl have fun even if this fun is murder, you don't complain when Belial does the same". So i'm weirdly defensive of Enyo despite the fact otherwise i couldn't care less because i do find Athena a bit boring DLKJFDKLF

-It's fine that an event isn't exploring more about the angels. Really. It's fine. If you only come back when there's angels content and ignore everything else perhaps it's a you problem when you get upset the angels content isn't that good

-Bitching every Autumn about the 4kishi getting an event is getting old, "others saga deserves spotlight!!" yeah but it's the oldest running saga leave them be it's just a tradition at this point

That's the things that comes to my mind at least, which is just that basically i am pretty chill until i start to see bad takes too much that i start to be defensive out of things i wouldn't have defended out of pure spite.

But i also recognize those are pretty inconsequential

(very different from getting angry about what i sometimes see about Ladiva or Cags which really put me in a rightful anger that i don't think is THAT inconsequential, tho that does goes back to my point 1) of i really wish gbvs only people to stop discussing whenever Ladiva and Cags are good or bad rep when they then get to answer to clarification by "oh my bad i don't know the game" then don't discuss about whenever they're good or not. I'm specifically vaguing someone who said Cags was bad rep because she was evil which had mobage fans going hey what the fuck you on.)

tho on "inconsequential topics that makes me heated regardless" in any fandom tends to be linked to any conversation about redemption arcs (but ESPECIALLY in slice of life stories) and conversation about true siblings dynamic. On the later i know it's because i have perhaps more serious biases, but you can be sure that generally if i see a post about whenever or not a chara deserves a redemption arc or if we should "accept" their redemption, or whenever i see posts about how "those siblings are unrealistic because they love each other" or "the big sibling doesn't behave like a big sibling" i want to throw tables at people's face and i think we should admire my incredible self control for generally just taking it quietly.

But like those people are generally joking around when they talk about those things so i don't want to be a killjoy either but also i'm just "kill kill maim kill" in my head when those happen. Duality of man ect.

Redemption talks generally annoys the hell out of me because framing an entire character on whenever the apology is acceptable with the situation bores the hell out of me. Genuinely the most boring way to approach a character ever. Like i could be saying something more in depth about how it's reductive of the narrative and frame the entire value of getting better on the person hurt and the apology rather than taking in the personal journey of someone who has to grow with the guilt of their actions, but, i'll just be brief and say i find the way people talk about it boring as hell. (which by the way i will NEVER forgive Zuko from atla for being the only basis of “acceptable redemption arc” for people out there. His arc was great but he’s not the only arc possible and everytime you bring him up as being the only valid redemption arc and directly compare one saying it’s bad in comparaison i hate Zuko a little bit more everyday. Which fucking sucks because i started off loving Zuko, people are just annoying.)

In another fandom i was in (1, 2, 3 moment before the people who still follow me from the fandom goes "i fucking knew Icha would bring it up") one of my fav character was also the most controversial one because he kidnapped MC in a fits of misdirected revenge against someone he cared about but had a misunderstanding with that made him think he ruined his life, so he basically blackmailed him until he realized he was hurting the only person he had left to care about and is now having to struggle with the guilt of his actions while being forcefully adopted in the found family of the person he kidnapped, to whom he ends up becoming extremely soft with despite this guilt toward what he had done to them when he lashed out from trauma, despite trying to distance himself from them because of his guilt.

And so, i love this character to bits, but going into his tags was impossible because of the fact people refuse to accept that he's trying to be better, and constantly throws back his crimes to his face and all of that, and every single time i freeze like "dude, he's done the absolute bare minimum to be a temporary antagonist, it could have been worse. in gbf where i'm from, there's a character who did all of that AND started an apocalypse AND tortured people AND tried to torture your bestie and he's the most popular character of the franchise". Because i dare you, nonny, to reread what i just wrote about my fav from this franchise and not see the exact same way to describe Sandalphon especially in the first wmtsb event.

I was throwing fits WEEKLY about how "oh you guys would not survive ONE MINUTE in gbf.". Now for the sake of "i don't like being angry", at least i don't pay it any mind anymore (my amazing trap cards of "i'm never going in the tags" and "i only seek contents from Japanese fanartists because at least if they have bad takes i can't read them unless i force myself to"), but all of this to say this is probably the last straw of a chara i kept hearing "he didn't even have a proper redemption arc" that annoyed me over the edge. he didn't have one TO YOU. To me tho i'm kissing him on the mouth.

MOVING ON, Genuinely tho i hold gbf in such high esteem for this specific reason, i was fucking tired of hearing the most boring arguments ever to shit on a character because they decide their redemption is not good enough (bc they're not wallowing in misery enough i guess?), that it made me appreciate how much nobody gives a shit about that in the gbf fandom. We stan so many murderers and we just say it's sexy and we move on and i find it soooo sexy.

For siblings stuff in general i'm just genuinely pissed off by the general idea that there is a "one shoe fits it all" of sibling dynamics and especially when it bashes others ones in media. On this one it's a bit more personal because i have such a weird relationship with my siblings that everytime i see those takes i just get angry. It can be argued that therefore it's not completely 'inconsequential" but sometimes i just get angry for no reasons too about how "wow you guys are sO boring of not being able to make JOKES over anything else than your comfort zone of this bubble of normalicy you impose on everyone, do you.". Like man talk about the death of creativity because you refuse to accept something doesn't follow the Only Trope You Ever Considered Realistic To You And No One Else.

Once again i never really saw it in gbf due to the fact we don't specifically have major siblings pair in focus in stories? like there's a few and sometimes they fall more into the bickering side anyway but people barely talk about them so i'm at peace. But you can be sure this would end up firing me up.

and on general topics i just don't care for woobification of characters who did commit crimes. I feel like it's an overcompensation because when people say some characters don't deserve redemption they always highlight the bad things they've done, and so, people, instead of realizing it means your outline for redemption is bad and you should feel bad, they interpret it as "then we have to prove the bad things weren't so bad". And no!!! the bad things were bad!!! regardless of the reasons reframe them but don't change that fact. It doesn't make them less good of characters or less worthy of redemption. That's what happened recently over a discussion over Seox on my blog where i was getting heated on the idea of saying he did nothing wrong. What a waste of a good character to say he did nothing wrong just because you can recognize that the circumstances were out of his control. Those aren't mutually exclusive. You can still do bad things and still fundamentally deserves to grow from it, and you can be pushed into making those bad things for good reasons but that doesn't make them less bad, it just means you have a better change to heal from it.

Basically i love fucksup characters who did so much wrongs and intends to do better, and the bigger the wrong the more involved i am, so genuinely the two takes of either they're unredeemable or they are a sweet angel that did nothing wrong don't sit right with me at all.

so this is a good extensive list of stuff that gets easily on my nerves on fandom spaces that, technically, doesn't matter, but is it going to stop me from having it ruining my day? who knows!

So i did get heated and i want to formally apologize if there's any of those points that rings toward anyone, as in, at the end of the day, people have fun in their own way and it's not my intention to police how anyone does it. I'm perfectly aware those are stupid enough like that, so as long as it's not like, something that's thrown in my askbox or something, you do you.

But since you asked..... salutes.

Here you go!

[luckycheesefoodie321]

TUA 3x07 REACTION (SPOILERS)

TUA was on my dash and I remembered I haven’t posted my live reacts. So here they are! Many moons late.

oh so Dot and Herb ARE a thing

Huh emergency briefcase

Dang Lila had her Whiplash moment

SIR REGINALD HARGREEVES LISTENING TO NELLY

Jfc Reggie you asshat what is wrong with you (funny how we always end up here)

Wait something so charming about Lila saying to Grace “lovely to meet you” which suggests her and Diego have talked about her and how important she is and the fact the Brelly’s all called her mom

Luther not knowing where to sit

SO SHE DID KILL HIM. Damn Allison tf.

HAHAHAHA BEN SCOOCHING ONTO THE COUCH NEXT TO FIVE. MAKING A BET ON WHO WOULD WIN BETEEN ALLISON AND VIKTOR

Ben shushing Five

Damn Allison coming through without even needing the I heard a rumour

Weirdly kinda been waiting for this confrontation bc tbh Viktor does need to be held accountable for some of his actions. Some of them justifiable tho

Ok yeah nah Allison took it too far there and deserved the smack. But shit this was intense

Interesting tho. Same movement as when Viktor sliced open Allison’s neck but he didn’t use his powers

“Sweet you guys fight just like us” “nah man. We don’t fight like this” JUST THE INHERENT UNDERSTANDING SOMETHING IS WRONG. BC THEYVE BEEN DISTANT AND BITTER BUT NOT HATEFUL

Mmm not your room Vik?? That’s old Bens

BEN DOES ART?!? WHO IS JENNIFER?!?!?

Klaus laying into Reggie for just how messed up he was/is is everything I needed

“Do you trust me?” “…Yeah *nods vigorously* I trust you” *looks away eyes wide* (°▽°)

Oh god Klaus is gonna be even more messed up after this. Little Girl on a Bicycle is gonna be pissed

WHERE ARE ALL THESE CARS COMING FROM ON THIS OTHERWISE EMPTY COUNTRY ROAD AND WHY ARE THEY ALL JUST DRIVING BY LIKE ITS NOTHING

Dang Klaus really did have the greatest potential. Original Timeline!Reggie was correct. Literally dancing in the face of death

Why the weapons cabinet Grace????

Is Viktor just lying in Ben’s bed? Not his brother Ben but Sparrow Ben???

I really think Lila and her abilities is such a clever addition

OH GOD GRACE A FLAME THROWER

“The day of vengeance was in my heart and the year of my redemption hath come”

Holy moly the spirits

Damn Five good job. I mean he merc’d his mom but quick thinking.

Hmm now. Good speech Reggie. Will this thinking and helping Klaus develop his powers ultimately be more helpful or harmful bc supportive Reggie is sus.

HAHAHA ONLY CHAMPAGNE. They really celebrating this easy huh. Is Christopher gonna die??

Lila and Five is a fun dynamic

HAHAHAHA THE CONTRAST TO THEM CELEBRATING AND SEEING THE CITY STILL MESSED UP

HE REALLY PROPOSED THAT WAS SO CUTE BUT ABRUPT

Wow so Luther and Diego seem to have created the most positive relationships so far

“It means you’re dangerous Viktor Hargreeves. The decisions you make impact the entire world. So no matter how benevolent they may seem, you don’t get to make them alone” what a powerful fucking line. Props to Aiden.

A discussion about the inevitable moral grey zone that heroes have to face and how no matter how sympathetic a person is or justifiable their reasons may be, they have to be held accountable for the power they hold. Fucking fantastic. My favourite scene so far. Aiden goddamn killed it. Five acknowledging Viktor’s intentions and wanting to be there for his brother but knowing that what he did by acting alone was dangerous no dismissive of the danger. And also not having enough faith in his family that they could resolve the situation.

“No more going rogue. If you ever need anything, I’m always here for you. But lie to us again, Viktor, I’ll kill you myself”

Do I think Allison should’ve killed Harlan? No? Should she have said those things about leaving Viktor in the basement? No. Allison is also making many dangerous mistakes. But it’s like, Viktor doesn’t need to be coddled anymore or treated as if he can do no wrong just bc he got wronged in the past. The fact Viktor was waiting in Ben’s room for someone to come after him and acknowledge his feelings and let him once again be in the right was presenting a dangerous mindset.

And I think Five was the perfect person (unharried as he is by an impending doomsday) to say all this to him

Aw man poor Fei and Christopher. I figured trapping the kugel in Christopher would have consequences

Five going back for Sparrow!Ben!!

[nazuna-tunnel-vision]

hello this is the same anon!! this won't be nearly as long as my first ask LOL i just wanted to respond to some stuff in your reply!! i genuinely rly enjoy this kind of conversation and being able to have it in a respectful and nuanced way is very fun and enjoyable

your guess on my probable reaction to people he/him-ing characters i use she/her for is essentially correct! it's mostly for characters like ibara or mayoi where i refer to them with she/her pronouns basically all of the time. there's a bit of initial disorientation due to it taking me an extra moment to process who the pronouns are in referral to, but once that passes i'm usually able to just,, accept it and move on. it probably also helps that i write fic and tend to adhere a bit more to what's considered canon regarding pronouns when i do those; so while she/her ARE the pronoun set i prefer to use when referring to ibara or mayoi, i have and will probably continue to write fic where i use he/him. in that specific case it's because i want to make the fic more legible for people that might not share those headcanons with me (which isn't to say that i won't write fic where i do otherwise! just that i'm open to using different pronouns to better fit different contexts in which the character is being presented/discussed).

for a lot of other characters i also tend to have unfixed/multiple interpretations of what their gender might be or how i view it, which means i don't necessarily experience any gender/pronoun disorientation because they already exist in multiple ways in my head. (ie. i'm a big fan of they/them nagisa, but i usually refer to nagisa with he/him in fics/tumblr posts and also won't flinch at someone using she/her pronouns because they/them agender nagisa isn't the only version of nagisa's gender that exists in my head. i hope that makes sense i realize it might be a bit strange)

and, to be honest, i won't claim there aren't characters where i do have that same sort of discomfort to she/her pronouns - natsume and mao are big ones, since i so heavily relate to and headcanon those characters as transmasc that it weirdly feels more personal to see them be gendered differently. i think for myself, though, i can recognize that this person's interpretation of the character is just different from my own and there's nothing inherently wrong with either, just that it's not to my tastes for the reasons i have. and then i move on

i don't know if there's really a best answer to any of this discourse particularly since most (i'd argue maybe close to all?) trans headcanons do, as you say, stem from enthusiasm for the character and usually some level of personal engagement with gender/expression. that makes it a lot more personal and less clear-cut than if it were something else, yknow? it's good to have these discussions tho and this one's been really respectful and whatnot. hope ur having a good day and thank u again for reading my ask/responding so respectfully !

thank you again for the reply anon!!

it's pretty reassuring to know that you also feel that disorientation. like oh maybe it really is just a normal reaction phew, phew.

what you said about characters like nagisa is pretty interesting too. maybe the secret to get whacked in the face less is to already have different gender interpretations of the characters pre-loaded in your head?? 🤔 then when you see a certain pronoun you can just go "ohh we're doing he/him nagisa now? okay" then you pluck out your they/them nagisa lens and put the he/him nagisa lens on. or flick the switch to change to the he/him nagisa setting in your head.

that would certainly explain why i experience so much of the disorientation, because my she/her lens of most characters simply doesn't even exist at all, so i can't switch to them. it's hard to be immediately accepting of new interpretations when you never even thought of them to begin with. plus, pronouns don't really come pre-loaded with backstory to ease you into the character setting.

that said, pre-loading all these interpretations would take a lot of time and effort so it'll be impossible to apply this to the like. 50+ characters in the cast. but it does sound like something i can act on on my part to ease the discomfort i feel.

thank you again for the respectful discussion!! i really appreciate how you took the time to explain your perspective and replied my questions in good faith. i hope you have a good day too!

[erotetica]

Wrote 1k in silly response to this, indeed, fic-slash-maladaptive-daydream discussion so. Winning ! -> I was talking abt fuzzy coat Seth Rollins booker abt like. Whats the deal. Monday night messiah ? (cunt. I love wrestling. Im Seth rollins’ biggest fan no I dont watch the product) but like honestly 2tone mullet kind of everything to me or like the Kenneth o’ Meghan vibe of looking absolutely horrid trash on purpose (he’s the hottest girl in wrestling) 

NICO LOOKS. He’s hard. He’s difficult to pin down. <- everyone laughs at my pun. Instinctively Im like well surely he just looks like mox like honestly I think a lot of mox’s vibes fit Nicky in that first of all this isnt actually abt Nicky but can we talk abt Jon moxley being the one whose intro song is wild thing . Wild thing you make my heart sing etc etc . Deeply fun to me. babygirl theres something wrong with him. Anyway I think Nico’s intro song would also be wild thing + I like that mox doesnt use the tunnels to come in I feel like thats a bit Nicky except then Im wondering is that safe like where does the heel/face dynamic come in w his feud w joe. But anyway. Getting off track. (also I dont think nicky:mox is 1:1 bc mox moves weirdly and languidly when coming into any event which is STRANGE btw he’s so weird. But it works for mox but I dont think itd work for nicky.) anyway all of this to say I think Nicky would just show up to the function like ‘im wearing cargo army pants.’ Except mox’s pants are still a great fit nd Nicky wouldnt have that. SO LIKE basically to wrap up this tangent I think Nicky would either wear dadjeans or cargo shorts + kick pads OR he’s go the full punk route and like even tho he’s one of the hottest things in wrestling & also a full adult w self respect he still shows up in budgie smugglers printed with the Italian flag (ultimate heel move) 

Or you’ve got dan the dad who’s great but its a different sort of Nicky vibe. Thats like. Adjacent addtional 2nd au of an au.  (btw when I said Andy’s nile’s sting I meant that more in terms of the dynamic going on there but actually Andy in sting face paint is a marvel to me.) 

Yassified house of black kills me. (look at this art btw. yassified house of black ily) Im now also thinking abt how itd work in a situation where Nicky & Joe r feuding but they do end up on the same faction so not to steal absolutely everything from the house of black story line but the whole spitting in the face thing that happened w Julia hart I think itd be cool if that happened w either Joe or Nicky (OR BOTH!) To get them on the same faction. Actually itd be so fun if it was like Joe and Nicky’s feud is STILL going on and its not that ppl are getting sick of it its just that ppl are getting. Sick of it. Theyre like well girl take care of it in the back stop making it OUR problem. Ppl are like well this is clearly at least 50% shoot and its getting uncomfortable. -> and then nile (house of black nile) runs in & spits black mist in BOTH their faces. And now theyre the house’s tag team. But they still hate each other a lot. But also theyve been fighting so regularly that they work like a dream bc they know exactly what the other’s gonna do. 

splitting up the response for ease of reading. Unless this is more confusing in which case well I still did it so yk) ^ u kno when ur going thru the insanity stage of thinking up a new au and all avenues r still open to u so u might say things that dont make sense w what you’ve said before / what youre going to say next bc BOTH options are good and it doesnt matter that it doesnt work together ? Disclaimer that this is what that is. Bc joenicky tag team is one thing but joebooker tag team and then booker turns heel to join capitalism Dudley (scream) is another and I have to marinate in that one for a while bc a) yes b) ough . Part of me’s like booker turns into wardlow but I actually have a deep seated love for mjf and dont want to compare capitalism Dudley to him. And ig merrick already has his wardlow in that other dude (completely forgot the names I havent seen this movie in like . forever.) but still i do feel like the pinnacle does somewhat work as an existing equivalent to the merrick dynamic. OR . Speaking of Kenneth o’meghan. Booker’s bulletclubcleaner era ? I actually think that could work bc a) cleaner is a fucking vibe of all time nd b) I think booker would do good going from one gimmicky faction to one which is if anything even more gimmicky like if we’re doing a mostly 1:1 equivalency I think house of black in general (and togofblack) might be this evil heel faction but also I KNOW they paint each other’s nails and gab about their emotions. I KNOW that faction has emotional regulation. And I know the bullet club doesnt. So then I think in booker’s mind that move also makes sense cause he’s SAD , like All The Time but he doesnt actually wanna talk about it too much so now he moves to bullet club where he can be sad but also hide it behind kayfabe. Its full circle. We’ve performed faggotry at the wrestlemania.

Anyway yes andy in daddy shorts and face paint. Andy in daddy shorts and face paint and quynh interrupting a promo and Andy swallowing her own tongue and breaking kayfabe immediately. Wrestle-nile who’s standing next to her like uh Andy ? R u ok ? <- surely she like knows who quynh is (or not it could be equally fun if nile is clueless she really was just olympic darling nile and then said nah time for a new thing idk shit about any of these ppl btw) but like if she knows who quynh is she for sure doesnt know how #Real it is btwn Andy & quynh. Very fun. Nile rly thought oh I’ll just switch careers to become more of a performer and that’ll be a good time and surely won’t cause permanent damage to my psyche (wrong) (all of this happens in like 3 months. Welcome to the business nile we’re so happy to have you here !)

Cabaret style narrative is sooooo ……. Literally I could never do that bc I’m too impatient for shit like that but it would literally be so insane and delicious. <- I feel like Im watching this play out already and already Im like in the comments on ao3 screeching my head off waiting for the next chapter. If You Were Writing The Fic Etc Etc. If We Were Writing The Fic Etc Etc and not just doing this in your inbox and the replies of my posts (though Im sure everyones having a great time clicking back and forth in btwn our blogs and sharing our brainrot. Im sure)

Also yeah catharsis kink. Thats what tog is all about. You got your joebooker for catharsis you got your nickybooker for star wars (literally such a good comparison)

WE’VE ENTERED READMORE TERRITORY & I HV A WORD DOC, WINNING IMDEED.

Booker would also be the hottest girl in wrestling, you’ve nailed his vibe. What if he looks like someone started dissolving him in lye scalp-first, AND he’s got a fuzzy coat. Dual wielding. With sheamus mutton chop + soul patch facial hair

The roadblock I was hitting was LITERALLY ‘Costco cargo shorts’ echoing in my head like an apple tornado warning. Hive mind. Bc yeah, on one hand, nicolo is not cool. On the other, bondage harness. Jon moxley vibes splits those uprights, I like that. Or the effy fit from the gif what started it all.

Fucccc everybody’s music tho. Digressing for Joe and la hafla. Or Sophie. His face is the front of shop :)

ANYway I think wild thing would work for Nicky, bc it’s ironicsexy. Is he coming onto u with a boom box? No but you had to ask. However—like, ok, in my opinion modern au Nicky should feel like he’s done meth a LITTLE. So I also wouldn’t mind him w/ a Funeral Derangements intro. Or hank Williams III Hellbilly. Especially if he’s normal, the fuckedness of the music should rise w/ how many pockets his pants have. If his outfit is Dan the dad’s then he comes out to Cocaine the White Devil. Also I’m still a lil stuck on Nicky/booker tag teaming from the orig posts, & their intro is stooges’ I wanna be your dog SEND POST!!

Not using tunnels is killing me bc Yusuf absolutely has a curated parkour entrance. He gets up on the fuckin. Corner pole thingy and backflips into the ring, and starts almost eating shit looking for Nicky. Without fail, when his dumb psychobilly wraps, that motherfucker appears and swings under the ropes like the satan of gym teachers. It kills Joe bc he gets over w/ what he KNOWS is just low effort disguised as jumpscare. It also kills him bc he can’t find him either but that’s different. (Nicky is usually in the empty behind-camera seats, eating stolen popcorn like ‘he looks good. I should learn to backflip.’)

Andy should absolutely have face paint. And cowboy BOOTS. I hv a rollerderby wip where I gave her an optio helmet plume, and like. Just saying. Also I can’t thread the needle between Andy and Memphis style right now but I want to

Being willing to alienate the audience/ruin their careers to beat ass is extremely yusufnicky. Getting vibes of like…a, ppl are getting sick of the shoot, and so Joe tries 2 rebrand w/ Andy and quynh’s face clique (replacing lykon who dipped bc [dialup noise], also I just Feel andy starting as a face). & Quynh, who strikes me as very gimmick savvy/a great storyteller being like ‘Hey. brosuf. you know what would fuck severely. bring ur weird dog and we have a deal.’ And they have a face run until The Fuckening. This also works 4 me bc I feel, before he internalizes and seeks out booing simultaneously, Booker’s baby-depressed, a jobber dying to live vicariously thru being a face and winning abt it. But like, AS he joins house of guard, Quynh is gone and Andy’s done a heelturn bc she’s emo in real life, and Booker is like *sad wojack*

Or b, the four of them aren’t a faction but they’re always on the same cards. Joe and Nicky fuck up so sincerely. Like, they fuck up through 3 cameras, the ref, and the parking lot. I think it would be funny if it was a ‘last ride’ match that went off the rails. They get blackballed from most sane venues is my point tho. The quynh fuckening happened offscreen. Andy comes up craving conflict, don’t ask why, but do they want to do fucked up hardcore so niche it’s barely profitable? And Nicky is like ‘BET’ bc again, there is something so wrong with this man, and Joe is *sad wojack but disgruntled*, bc he wanted to get WWE-famous & say something fucked up on live Saudi tv. Like Kanye. But then he realizes he’s doing impact play on straight ppl professionally, and it’s a smaller victory, but equally funny.

This one works for me bc they give starving artist vibes. Like, they should be poor and obscure. Disgraced post-fame. Do not know why. It’s funny if Nile is like, didn’t I sneak out of bed to watch you on Monday night raw? and Andy is like yes, now hit me with the thing they beat Jesus with.

Either way you’re so right abt Julia hart Nile.

Is Copley the ‘smark’ that helps them take down the merrick team for like, insider trading or whatthefuck?

Vibing to the bullet club thesis. That’s the perfect bimbofication of his canon conflict. Also. Booker trying to wallow around heterosexuals. ‘The risk I took was calculated, but FUCK’

Nile’s like OH THE OTHER MILF I COMMITTED KID CRIMES @ 9PM TO SEE—oh you’ve taken back the cat o nine tails—oh you’re committing seppuku with it. I’m going to have an investigative journalist moment with this later.

Nile as a fan who has a ‘hm’ moment abt how oh, you’re fucked up. I see. The POV introduction to the cabaret thing, 1st look behind the curtain into the binary.

Speaking of songs. Which we weren’t anymore but. Speaking of them. Quynh & sympathy for the devil. She comes back from [etc etc] w/ a masked gimmick. Part of it is legitimately no one knows who she is. Andy splashing her face in a shitty bathroom after the interrupted promo & the lights are flickering bc the arena is taking so much power. In the bg you hear PLEASED TO MEET YOU. HAVE YOU GUESSED MY NAME?

[luicifellt]

So I got some issues..

Emotional issues. This complicates communication greatly..

To try and explain my thoughts, and thought process to my new partner I decided to write some of it down. To help get him an idea.

Because I'm inept at explaining my feelings and emotions.

Beneath the read more will be a lot ... but I need to have it out somewhere. Maybe someone will read it.

I dont know what I hope to get out of this. But its fairly dramatic so ... someone might like to read it.

These are snippets of thought.

Sadness

Anxiety

Stress

Loneliness?

Self hatred

Self disgust

Can't do anything right

Won't finish what's started.

Anything created will be hated, and NOT good enough. At all times.

Am I toxic?

Do you love me? Yes?

I believe you..

But Why?

Not pretty, not talented, not smart.

Kinda phat.

Emotional but can't express it.

Depressive episodes and mood swings...

Females am I rite?

Why bother ?

Why would you pick this? There's better options.. hopefully.

Seems like a mistake to invest in me. Though I'm so happy you did pick me. Never thought I'd have a relationship.

So good to me... can't give anything back though. Its not enough.

Can't handle myself well. Will lash out..

Seems like a animal adoption form. Don't adopt me. I look soft, looks are deceiving.

No motivation hates Self for that

No inspiration hates Self for that

No dreams or aspirations hates Self for that

No hobbies doesn't do much hates Self for that

Probably the worst conversationalist. Only has about 5 witty bright and fun days where true humor truly shows (a year) hates Self for that.

Selfish! can't stand myself, but still want the nice things.

Egotistical hates Self 90% of the time the other 10% is spend on Self complimenting ???

Hates Self for that. Thanks brain.

Horrible body image. Hasn't realy looked at self more that absolutely necessary in 15 years. When mirror is used:  -10 don't recommend.

Uses self deprecating humor to feel better. Bad trait.

Can't control bad thoughts, let's it spiral like a junji ito story.

See! can be funny..is not enough though, is it.

Friend(s) will tire of this.

Got nothing to add to the group.

Can't (but should) find the energie and motivation to change that short term.

Long term probably not worth it. Tho Time will move anyway.. why have people waste it.

Fear of abandonment, fear of being left alone. Also weirdly craving it, to get it over with.

Convinced feelings can be turned off and broken. Maybe it should.

Who's kidding, sobbing mess in private! But can barely cry in company. Why. Nobody knows.  *ugly cryier

Should honestly, cry more... should cry more honestly. Shouldn't let it vester for months. But I will.

No fysical energy. No creative energy. Stuck In the limbo of adult life.

Gets envious of people that know how to express themselves and have dreams and can make art and spend their time productive. Hates Self for that.

Self hate trumps envy. Keeps me grounded.

Don't know where the balls to hold out like this come from.. weird episodes of righteous ideas on improvement and finding motivation to improve. Can and will not last longer than 5 to 7 business days.

Tried psychologic help. Makes head messier and can't express any thought or feeling without feeling like crying.. main reason to keep it in.

Why does it bother me? Will cry literally everytime, feelings need to be discussed. No one wants that... yes. I decided that, because I don't want that.

Convinced that whatever power the universe holds in its dark matter, it manifests as bad luck.. consistently.. Time and experience have proven this to me.

Maybe just pessimistic.

Definitely just pessimistic.

Good taste in music tho. Bit static perhaps.

Has grand ideas. Doesn't know how to express them. Dissapointing.

Will overthink most things. Takes pride in well thought out plans... overthinking still more a problem, than a benefit.

Loves deeply for a lot of things but can't invest in one thing. Took a long time to convince myself I could love. Inexperienced.

Wish I could do better for you. Wish I could like me more.

Has hope to get better with help. But the spirals... Make me tired.

Has thought about dying. Knows this is a no no. Been through this before at years 12 through to 18. Never again. Not like that.

Weight loss helped.... people around me, to behave normally.

With the exception of a few, people would be degrading, look down on me, find me disgusting.

What I later learned however is that its usually not okay to express these thing out loud, to the persons face... especially when underage.

except when you're fat apparently because people would... constantly, daily, even if they didn't know me. They'd still tell me in passing.. as if hearing it would change anything in that moment.

I have had people do double takes and track back so they could tell me I'm offensive to the eyes.

I wish i made that up to be dramatic.

I feel like I have lived 2 lives.

But the first one seems so far away. It's not just the "getting old" part, nor the nostalgia factor. I suspect I simply blocked out a lot of it. Memories have more gaps than I care to admit.

I grief over this often. Sounds dramatic, again... but its the truth. I feel like a big part of Self got lost in those years and I'll never find it again.

Regrets and heartbreak over small things seem, so big when you have a lot of them.

It hurts.

It hurts to look at all the stuff I possess and gathered over the years.

All the art supplies all the expensive materials. The tools, the airbrush, the paints and canvases. The clay, the silicone, the make up...

They mock me everytime I catch them gathering dust in the closet, or drawer. They take up endless amounts of space... but I can't get rid of it.. because, what if.. as if.

Not having these things hurts more...

I can write pretty decently. To bad everything written feels like a edgy YA novel. Dropped.

Reading used ro be a comfort.. now a pressure at the back of my head reminding me of how it USED to be. Reading now no longer an adventure, or practical pass time.

Feels like wasting time. ( and money)

Sometimes it feels like one more dissapointment away from running on empty.

No thoughts, head empty.

Sounds appealing. Where do you sign up.

Imagine being simultaneously most loved and taken care off by a partner, for the first time in your life... but also the most lost.

Feels like a disappointment.. one of many. How much more do I have, before it's to much for me, or the people around me.

Maybe i SHOULD write angsty YA novels.

Maybe not.

Wonder where the irrational thoughts and fits come from. Could it be trauma? Could it be drama? Maybe in another life I was a theatre kid after all.

Goals: be part of it, stop being a spectator.

Pick a personality that you like and stick with it. Be useful.

[sharkie-stay]

oooh you took philosophy that's sick!! I thought abt going for that in uni actually but I've been weirdly scared of it lol. partly bc my mental health cant take the existential crises (is that the plural idk) and also bc what are jobs (tho funny enough the question 'what are jobs' and the societal pressure to plan your entire life around your job instead of seeking your personal fulfillment, is exactly the kind of stuff that makes me want to study it in the first place lmao)

Well it wasn't exactly philosophy, it was called ethics but it was pretty much the same

I had a few breakdowns during it in the first year tho because we were talking about suicide and other stuff that triggered me but my teacher was really kind and remembered my triggers and avoided the topics in the next years

It was fun but also exhausting because of a certain person and a lot of the classes ended in people yelling at each other instead of discussing calmly but I have mostly fond memories of it

I will also be seeing the professor this year because beside working I will be also studying by myself to take the exam (actually I'm going home right now after picking up books I bought to study) and I need some guidance on the essay part

I was also considering studying philosophy but I would rather study psychology or English

But if you want to, you should definitely go for it

I think the classes would be more about learning about different philosophers and humanity than discussing, but I might be wrong and you can always talk to your professors if something is too hard for your mental state

I hope you'll find something that you will want to pursue