#this week was… NOT a good week. i struggled to draw and i didnt feel well

[newttxt]

apartment shenanigans

from utilities included, ch. 9 (mind the tags and rating!)

masterpost

[lazypanartist]

*cracks knuckles* I gots a good one for ya.

Rise boys x Reader, once again. The brothers all became friends with Reader after April introduced them and, in all honesty...theyre p inexpressive. Reader has a bad habit of sneaking up on people because of how QUIET they are, even wondering if they simply just...couldnt talk. The boys try to get them to smile or frown or react but it never seems to work.

Turns out? They have SEVERE social anxiety. Basically sociaphobia. They find this out through text. Theyre GREAT at texting. Emojis are great for helping get tones and moods and facial expressions across for them. But anyway Reader eventually comes clean about the severe social anxiety, and how its so...Debilitating at this point. They WANT to make friends, its just that....communication is a nightmare and such a struggle.

This? This kicks our boys into gear! They want to help, theyre DETERMINED. They get that you cant just wish away something like this, and that its not solved in a day, but by golly are they going to help you.

Leo, ever the leader, tries helping Reader with showing their expressions more and opening up in that way. Sure, its mostly done via joking around, but he's gotten shockingly good at picking up your very small (but slowly growing!) facial ticks. Your nose flaring slightly when youre frustrated or upset, teeth grinding or tongue chewing when your anxiety spikes, hes picked up on it all. They all have, granted, but he's on the front lines, he knows you better and better every week.

Donnie helps by getting you set up with apps that have text to speak, and even helps get you better ways of communicating digitally. Struggling to tell everyone how you're feeling? Have no fear, Othello von Ryan has you covered. He's the most laid back about your anxiety. You know you can go in his lab any day and sit quietly to watch. He'll offer tools to help but wont push you to open up. Sometimes, the quiet is nice.

Where Nardo helps you with physically working on expressing yourself, Mikey is exceptional at helping you convey your emotions. Dr Feelings helps you work through your anxiety, helps you ground yourself and begin to relax and, ever so slowly, help you loosen your grip on your voice. Mikey, through writing, text, drawing, whatever, helps you communicate just how you feel, and if you're overwhelmed BY that feeling, he's 100% helping you work through it.

Raphael? Raphael didnt think he'd have, what he considers the hardest job, but its certainly difficult. Working on you ACTUALLY communicating verbally is ROUGH. You struggle getting sounds out, and your stutter is awful, but he comforts and soothes and encourages you to take your time, he's in no rush. Even of you're struggling with giving a simple answer of "yes" to a question bc you froze up, he never pushes or makes you rush. Take your time, and if you find yourself just unable, he lets you opt out and write.

and then, one day, you were in the lair.

It was a rather relaxed day Donnie was messing with his phone, texting you memes occasionally between bickering with April. Leo was draped upside down on the couch, reading. Mikey had brough an art project out in the tv room, wanting to share the space with you all. Raph was watching some old cheesy horror movie, wincing here and there as zombies lurched and growled.

and then

...they heard it.

It was tiny. Small. Delicate but gravelly from lack of use.

It was small and quiet, but the four heard it loud and clear.

"Th-tha-ank yo-you..."

They all snapped their gazes over to reader, who had shy, somwhat awkward but oh so very THEM smile pulling at their lips.

And the boys never felt more proud of your months of hard work.

Aww!!! Not quite nursing to health, but this feels like fundamentally the same trope.. months and months of tlc to get you to a better place than before, all because they love you 💕

[suzubi-0]

ive been consumed in elden ring lately, my first souls-like. technically ive played ds3 but i didnt get much farther than the first boss. that was years ago and i feel what stopped me from continuing was my inability to cope with losing souls if i died twice in a row, and not being able to wrap my head around the combat system fully.

im about 70 hours into elden ring now, notable bosses beaten in the order i slayed them(that i can remember off the top of my head): godrick the grafted, tree sentinel, glintstone dragon(lvl~30), the twin abductor virgins(lvl~35), red wolf of radagon, dragonkin soldier, leonine misbegotten, magma wyrm makar, rennala, royal knight loretta, ancestor spirit, godskin noble, elemer of the briar, fully grown fallingstar beast, and just before i got off today, i beat godfrOy the grafted at the golden lineage evergaol(lvl~72)

the first day i played, i slammed my head against tree sentinel until i was nothing but bitter and quit for a few weeks. upon coming back, i ignored tree sentinel and bum rushed my way to pick up the Greatsword(the one thats a replica of Guts sword in the golden age(shoutout to my man Guts from Berserk(RIP Kentaro Miura))), which after dumping 31 points into strength, i use exclusively. i explored and played up to godrick the grafted, and went back to settle my rivalry with tree sentinel. similarly i spend about a day butting heads with the glintstone dragon, and then with the twin abductor virgins after my partner told me itd be a good idea to take the elevator in the cuckoo church all the way to the bottom. smh. my next rival was godskin noble. i slammed my head into him for way too long gave up cleared all of the weeping penninsula looking for low level smithing stones - my lack of them held my greatsword back despite my abundance of higher level ones. came back for godskin, failed, realized i never finished the academy and beat rennala, then proceded to the caria manor cuz idk rennala was a caria and i just learned ranni was her daughter and ranni seems cool! then finally bested godskin!! godeater serpents stage 2 was a bit much, so i went to explore the altus plateau.

my overall go-to build is greatsword, armor thats light enough that i dont fat roll, Lhutel the headless, and electrify armament.

i feel like from the start i knew that i wanted to approach this game with a playstyle of maxing out my damage even if i get oneshot. legit i spammed strength to 31 so i could wield the greatsword, then endurance so i wouldnt fatroll, then some faith to cast bloodflame blade (which ive more recently replaced with elctrify armament), then dumped everything into strength. ive just gotten to 50 strength rn but still have whatever amount of vigor i started with(i wanna say 12-15). now that ive hit a softcap for strength, i think ill start putting points into vigor. anyways other than stats, if i die over and over, thats fine. ill learn my opponents movesets, how to dodge them, and to exploit their openings. i feel thats this is the most cathartic experience for the run where i finally overcome the obstacles. ive been struggling against. having a rival, being presented with a challenge and conquering it. rather than like being tanky, investing in making the game forgive my errors, drawings out to be longer which makes it so if i die, restarting takes longer and is more of a slog. just my preference! thats how i feel, you others can feel differently ofc!

when i started playing, i wasnt good at playing the game this way, and was upset by tree sentinel, but when i cooled off and came back to the game, i was able to endure it and start becoming acquanted with the games mechanics and details more intimately. only after beating godskin, do i feel excited by bosses whipping out new moves and killing me-rather than upset, as i have more to learn. and once i learn it, ive earned another way to display my expertise over them. when i started, the goal was to beat hard bosses, but as ive learned how to implement and properly enjoy my playstyle of choice, the goal has become to acquire and display mastery, and reveling in the respective struggle and catharsis.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hi, im a mutual of yours who is too shy/on&off tumblr to interact, but i do look up to you; and your blog and way of seeing things helped me in the past when i was struggling quite a bit.

Lately I feel as if im lost in life, lost my passions and floating aimlessly without a real goal, detached from the future etc. Do you have any advice? I appreciate ur view on things, hope this isnt overstepping 🌦🌈

hi its ok no pressure too interact w me ona personal level just cus were mutuals i enjoy the ambient bonds that can form on this website its why i stay ^^ and no it's not overstepping at a;ll sorry it took me a lil while to respond i was trying to think of good advice since i often feel lost too---

well firs t n foremost to give credit where credit is due, this bjork reddit AMA response really gets to the bottom of it , ever since i first read this here on tumbr a few years ago it really rly stuck w me:

the way this answer helped me is like, it helped me realize i dont need to be so regimented i dont need to put all this pressure on myself to create..All that does is feed into self inflicted guilt when i cant live up to my own expectations u.u you see for my whole life i've never been able to plan anything. yes i can think about the next steps i want to take, i can assemble a plan, i can see the logical way forward, but my moods. or like, idek. how to explain..

i cant force anything. if im not feeling it, i cant force it. ive STRUGGLED w this like i dont wanna be this way. because my feelings i cant predict. like for example i worked on music all winter because thats what i was feeling. then suddenly in march i just like, wasnt feeling it all of a sudden. As soon as it hit me i was like Fy767*T&UG*** because i didnt know when it was gonna come back. i still dont know!! im just trying to be patient waiting it out..in the mean time i have suddenly become enthused with drawing again after not ~feeling~ drawing for most of 2023. sometimes i go for weeks where i dont take a single photo and then suddenly it starts flowing again.. my website was also left untouched for most of 2023 until recently.

thats just one example of this repeating pattern in my life that i didnt understand for so long. theres years of my 20s where i couldnt feel passion for anything at all, looking back now i believe those times i was meant to be focusing on stuff in my psyche that needed healing to clear out some headspace for art. and this bjork quote put a lot into perspective it showed me how to reformulate my thinking to be more accomodating to my disposition. when i'm patient & kind w myself, take each day as it comes, let go of the imaginary pressure, let go of "the future", stuff starts to come thru easier.

and maube its gonna show up in ways you dont expect but its true that the mundane world offers so many ways to practice being creative & giving u stuff to weave into the art u want to create.. every water fall starts w a single drop its trueits true :] thats my advice i spose i really didnt meant to write this much but im boooored.. actually my nighttime boredom writing is one of those habits i never considered to b creative until very recently. there's so many small & automatic things we do that can lead to a meaningful life & purpose.

thanks for the question anon i hope this helps in some way , this is whats helped me but everyone's process is different. and i still have moments where im like WTFFF is happening but its easier to ride it out now. i wish the same for you just give it time <3 thanks again xPmd9

[seabear87]

Just a quick fanfic from ages ago.

The grass was wet, he noted. But she didnt seem to mind, laying there and just moving her hand about where the fireflies would gather. She would draw her hand lazily through them, watch them disperse just to come back again.

He cleared his throat as he approached, but she didnt look over at him.

"Was wondering how long you were gonna stand there."

"I wasn't sure you wanted company." He muttered. "It has been a rather...weary week for you."

"Mm." Raine sighed. "Word travels fast."

"Small town, my dear. It doesnt take much to get the rumor mill running."

"Yeah well maybe they should just mind their own damn buisness."

He raised an eyebrow and watched her wave an irritated hand at a firefly.

"I see." Elliott rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I suppose...I shall leave you to your musings, then."

He had turned to leave but he caught her lunging forward to sit up, scattering the lightning bugs all around.

The look she held on her face worried him, and the internal struggle seemed to take all her focus. Perhaps she wasnt aware of the expression that strained her already thin features, but for a moment he could see past the facade.

He didnt step away like he intended. How could he? He pulled a sigh in through his nose and moved closer and she had turned away from him.

"I'm sorry." He nodded at the apology, wincing as he pulled his jacket off to lay it on the wet grass. Yet another victim to the undergrowth, he cursed.

"I understand, Raine. You needn't get upset."

He sat next to her, smiling as the fireflies sensed the calm again and floated close.

"They always talk about him." Raine finally muttered, picking at the grass. "I hear Lewis bitching to Marnie about it but no one is willing to help."

Elliott nodded again, looking out past the cliff. He heard about the whole thing from Willy, but the old fisherman was good about glossing over the fine details.

"I haven't spoken much to Shane myself." he admitted, "The man is rather...abrasive."

"Hes an asshole."

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she shrugged.

"I suppose he is." He leaned back with a sigh. "Are you two close then?"

She barked a laugh, "No, no not at all. He used to come to the farm all the time when i was a kid and chase me around with foxtails and pull my hair and stuff."

A screaming little Raine in dirty overalls and messy hair. He couldnt help but smile.

"We had an old horse named Lucy that would chase him off the farm."

"She sounds protective."

"Lucy was short for Lucifer. Grandpa couldnt break him of biting so he just used him as a guard dog instead. He was fond of going for the butt."

Elliott tried his best not to laugh but when she started he couldnt resist.

"I feel for him." Elliott chucked, wiping a tear from his eye. "I'm surprised you two didnt garner a close friendship later."

"He would only be here for a summer. But I guess things didnt turn out so good." Raine leaned down and picked up a beetle. "Marnie isnt really his aunt, she was just a family friend I guess."

"Ah."

A comfortable silence fell, and Raine leaned back to lay on the grass again. Elliott watched as she raised her hand up towards the dark sky.

"There's a heaviness in the Valley, you know?" Raine muttered. "Its been weighing on me since i got here."

"Is it the valley, or just the burdens we bear?"

He caught the sad smile.

"Probably."

"You dont need to bear them alone, Raine." Elliott said, leaning over her. "I know that perhaps i dont have Shanes... Illustrious history with you, but you've become one of my closest friends. I want you to be able to come to me if you need anything."

He frowned as her lip trembled ever so slightly, and to save her embarrassment he sat back up.

"Ill...take you up on that."

[leggyre]

You got any adivce for someone who's considering dropping drawing completely since they don't like what they're making at all?

honestly i've been in the same struggle recently bc it just hasn't been a good year for me. i haven't been drawing a lot bc most of the time i'm either sick or i just.. can't. I've been picking myself up as of late and it's a really difficult grind, but honestly the fact i've been able to actually start this grind is already good for now. I guess that counts as advice; be patient with yourself. Self-esteem doesn't come easy and the little steps are worth so much more than you think.

ok so uh,

-if you just started, don't think about it too much. we all start with the weird scribbles. if you stop now you might never get back to it -if you've been trying to doodle often and always end up hating the result, just take a break. art block is seasoning for burnout and you might just be tired. a lot of times i've felt bad about my art i kinda "gave up" for a while and when i came back to it it was like "wtf this easy what was my issue (it was burnout)". so take a break, play some videogames or hang out with your friends for a week. idk write essays about the media you like? it feels like you're being unproductive but resting IS part of productive because just pushing yourself will just result in nothing being done at the end of the day. -look at your favorite work! im not quite out of my latest artblock yet because its a tough one(it's been teaming up with depression caused by health problems it suuuuucks :/), but when i went long enough without being able to draw I kinda started feeling like I can't do shit and can't call myself an illustrator at all specially bc what i do isnt that big of a deal compared to others(<- comparison also big mistake remember youre the only one who can make YOUR art), going through my folders and seeing the stuff I like the most gave me a LOT of motivation to keep going, even if I was still unable to start drawing right away. not giving up is so important. -so yeah love your art. focus on drawing things you like because it's a gift from you to you, and you should treat it as such. i know it's really hard to be positive about it all the time but it can be really good to go through all your artwork at the end of a day and look at the things you like about it, even if it isn't much. -on that note, find something you really like drawing!!! back in high school i had massive periods of depression that kept me from drawing but i occasionally found sort of a 'life hack' for myself which were things i was always able to work with even during the worst times. one of them was just.. bees. i just doodled random characters as these bees and made og designs too and it was fun. the other one was using colored pencils instead of a regular one bc i just like colors and it made me happy :] it didnt matter that they always had the same overall shape or if i couldnt erase when i messed up, i was just feeling good being able to draw something that i liked. -experiment more!! expand your palettes and download some new brushes. i even change from my newest to my old busted tablet that still sorta works occasionally because using a tool that feels different is.. refreshing somehow? idk -when you need to get yourself back up, do the little steps at your own pace. do a little doodle every day. it's okay if it's always the same thing. the same character. the exact same idea. it's okay if it sucks or if it's unfinished because you struggled. Just give it little pushes. What matters is to try. and it's okay if you can't do it every day. maybe every other day if you need a slower pace. -and remember. engagement doesn't measure your skill. art is subjective anyways!!!!! i spent YEARS doodling and posting only my ocs and getting little to no notes. i think one of my favorite artworks from the time i had ~100 followers had like 0 notes for the longest time. to be honest i don't even know if it has any likes at all nowadays i'd have to look it up bc it's a bit buried

[first-mistake-forever-more]

how do u get out of a hole if u have no inspiration¿ u may hav answered this before nd i justdidnt see it idk

hey gringly sorry i didnt respond to this earlier I wrote out a response like two Weeks ago & shut down my laptop without posting it this post mit b a tiny bit controversial but I;ll talk from personal experience i think having no inspiration normally actually means either being distracted(which is fine)or you not wanting to deal with the Pain that comes with creation(most of us are vry pain averse) i say this because both happen to me sometimes A lot of times I dont want 2 draw or whtvr because I dread the process of plugging everything in and starting the software just for the ideas that come in to suck a lil and just really end up not feeling very good about my abilities or creativity(this is pain) But usually the only time that actual creative ideas can flow freely is when youre actually there trying to channel them

at the moments in which ur in tune with this creative part of your mind, ideas will always come and go even when you're not creating(rfor example taking a shower is one of these moments for most ppl ), but if you don't get to these points often then you have to put in the effort to get your brain to the point in which it is thinking about these artistic solutions and concepts, and you get there by creating.. & yr first idea will probably suck so Bad Lol but then you'll be free to start channeling other ideas it's possible that no good ideas come & this can be for a lot of reasons but probbaly bc youre still finding your own specific voice & dont completely know what u want to be creating or just bc yr tired So what I'm trying to say is that you should probably try making music or art even when you're not inspired because,first of all you will most likely always learn Something, and because you'll most likely get inspired while creating also You NEED to deal with your ideas bc letting ideas fester & marinate in your mind blocks new ideas from coming in, and then you lose those original ideas because you didn't put them out anywhere, so you just feel really bad, So it's important that you try to work even when "not inspired" Art can be painful and u have to learn to deal w this pain instead of constantly escaping it I think if we constantly try to avoid this pain this can actually be detrimental to us in th long run. (tw opinion)i observeThere's a big culture of self care in this regard that I don't completely vibe with(at least not as a professional, I'm sure it has helped a lot of other people). I think it makes people weaker against struggles of the real creative process oh & I'd like to state that this is just how I deal with art personally as a professional. it might not be what's best for you if you dont actually Need to b creating art to survive(sorry) but it is good i think if yr an artist to experience this constant need to put something out into the world even if ur not interested in Like turning art into your paycheck haha ty for the ask

[homoerotic]

im just feeling very demoralized. exceedingly so. i want to be a radiographer so badly. i wish i had known sooner but i want this so so so bad. and i cant help but think the reason i didnt get in this time is due to two things:

1. i had one (1) C on my transcript. in ECON. a class that has no bearing on my major but dampened my gpa exponentially

2. i had a panic attack during the venipuncture lab in one of my rad classes because i didnt adequately prepare myself for it. and i distinctly remembering my professor telling me "if you cant do this you arent cut out for this major" so i bet she brought that up during deliberation.

its not fair man. i dont live at home w my parents, i dont have a free schedule to study constantly. i have so many bills, so many doctors appointments and health issues to handle. i have to take care of my family.

i have such a bad needle phobia that i am actively working on. its bullshit! you dont NEED to do venipuncture as a radiographer! if i was specializing in CT/nucmed then YES 100% i understand that due to administering contrast. but every single nurse and radiographer ive spoken to has told me that learning that is a waste of time for me.

so how do i prove that im capable of handling the sight of needles now? drawing blood =/= seeing patients get their blood drawn/have IVs. they are not the same. i even wrote a whole essay about my phobia for that professor to help her see my side of it all. isnt it enough that im willing to expose myself to this daily because of how bad i want this?

i was fine, REALLY, i was fine not getting in this time. i really was because i was told left and right that getting in your first time is as likely as the lottery. so why does the girl that i see every single week for the past two semesters get in her first time? the same girl that ive constantly had to help through math and chemistry. who isnt confident in any of her homework answers. who needs me to hold her hand all the time through the complicated concepts.

and i know thats not fair of me to be angry at her. i know she works hard. she has good grades. shes in the honors program. but we both have medical experience. im 5+ years older than her. what did her personal statement have that mine didnt? why wasnt i good enough.

i know i am being over dramatic and acting very entitled but i cannot help but be angry and upset over this because i want this SO BADLY. i want this more than anything else and now i have to wait another year for it. a whole year of my life for the next slim chance of being picked. and what if im denied again? i'll be 27.

i want to start my career. i want to help my partner pay for our bills again. i want to stop struggling to survive. but now i have to wait and wait and wait. and i have to bend over backwards this next application period. get more certifications, dedicate more of my limited free time to volunteering. retake classes for a better gpa. spend more money. kill myself faster. struggle struggle struggle.

im so tired. im so fucking tired. im sick of being a student. im sick of college. im sick of feeling this age gap with my peers. im sick of being lonely. im sick of not being good enough. im sick of it all.

[dumblemonchickenwing]

vent, oversharing personal story.

Somewhere several weeks ago, my mother gave my personal phone number to a random korean stranger she met outside, obviously without my consent; and i learnt about it when she came back and casually told me that.

I dont like "bragging" about my heritage or whatnot. But I guess I am what kids call "from asian household'. Except I don't understand why people brag about it like it's something good. And this is not a rare example of things I have to follow in my household. There is a lot every day (i.e. no one is allowed to touch my hair except my parents, and other stuff.). I just don't want to spread negativity to people around me or to overshare when I know too well everyone is struggling with their issues.

That lady called on my number and when I picked up, she didnt want to talk to me and demanded my mother to the phone instead, to discuss how her son could contact Me. Just..yeah. She didnt want to talk with me about meeting me but with my mother. Because in our culture young women do not count.

It's been this way in my family always. My mother met my father that way. My grandfather got with my grandmother that way. Cant vouch that it was consesual much either, but im not sure. I just never thought i'd be venting about it on tumblr to people who dont deserve to hear some random person's rants.

It's kind of a normal thing, a part of life. But I cant help but feel bitter.

The good part of that story is that that "guy" I have no idea about never contacted me.

-

This is part why I am never really in the mood to hear people lecture me about culture or just lash on me. I just want to do nothing and draw my silly meaningless drawings and post, without any irl drama i carry behind my back.

-

p.s: I was told many times I have it not that bad and that many others have it worse and are "actually not free unlike me". I am aware of that

[kimiehashobbies]

Night time greetings ladybugs,

Im feel so much better! Just had to work through some melancholy but im back at it. I have not done much working out this week but thats ok. What matters is im back on schedule tomorrow.

Something good I focused on during my low mood period: I finished interlocking my locs. I have microlocs so it always takes me 3-7 days. I really try to take my time. I recently cut off 3 rows in the back. My hair is fine and soft in the back in particular so it wasnt doing well in the loc style. Im going to just leave it alone. Just do wash and go in the back for it. Its a good reminder that sometimes we have to go with the flow. People wont like it but thats ok. I've had locs since October 2019. Its been amazing and freeing. I wear my hair for me now. Im comfortable with all the imperfections. I started them myself and maintain them myself. I learned from watching youtube videos. Im probably going to dye my hair again soon. I'll show pics when I finally do it. Im trying to pick a color. I didnt like dyeing my roots so i wont be doing that again. I like a soft dark brown eyebrow and root. Looks better to me.

I also got more yard work done. We are going to start spreading seeds. Its been over run with weeds but the worst part is the stickers. Awful for all of us but mostly our Luca. Im going to work really hard this spring to get the yard growing.

Not too much else has happened. Im back at it with my fitness, art and writing now that my mood has gotten optimistic! I have an idea for a comic book and thats what im working on for my art. Im casually drawing my 1st comic strip (i have 4 ideas) i hope i can get that first strip out this month. My timeline is kind of off a little. I haven't written at all in 2 weeks. Im picking that back up. I should've had this first idea done but I get so in my head about if its good enough. I'll never know if it is good enough unless i finish. Oh and also, I have not even looked at my Banjo so...... I take full accountability I failed at that goal.

Just a piece of wisdom I've learned is that opportunity wont just magically come without inner work. I've had beautiful ideas in my mind for at least a decade but I've always had self doubt and I'm an expert at self sabotaging. I have to get this creativity out there because its what i love and its who i am. Sometimes it is you yourself that holds you back. 2024 im done hiding, I will start this creative journey and document it the whole way through. I've got this and I want this. I believe in me and thats where action starts.

Ladybugs if you feel called to do something, just do it. The regret from not doing it sooner (or at all) will eat away at you. You cant fail if you dont try, BUT (but, but, but) you cant succeed either. You gotta believe in you and be your biggest fan.

As my favorite poet Jermaine Cole wrote "There's beauty in the struggle..."

🫶🏾🐞Kimie

[ran196242]

If you've been here long enough, you may probably recognize which series of comic this is from.

I put this comic on a hiatus because I didn't know how to execute what was coming. The plot stays firmly still inside my mind, and despite switching to False Gods and Moth and Lamp, I still think about often. There are scenes I would like to draw once I know I've got better.

It was also put on hold because I realized not many people were really interested in knowing what happened next anymore. And that this comic, it had been fueled by my worst days and worst feelings.

My art thrives when I don't. I'm more accustomed to drawing sadness, and that's probably why drawing fluff is such a foreign thing to me. Hugs and kisses makes me tear up because deep down, those are the things I will never have or deserve. Domestic scenes are hard to draw because even if I like consuming them, they would still be unrealistic to me on many levels. The past 2 years were rough to all of us, but I didnt want to say much about it, I know I was still in a better place than a lot of people. I want to thank you for letting me stick around, and im sorry for being irresponsible with my works.

I'm writing this on one of my bad days, on a morning I wish I don't exist. It has been hard trying to decide what I want to put up here, on my social platforms, when I want to draw something totally different that isn't about Good Omens or the recent, well-beloved Pirates.  I am afraid that people will lose interest. I did a few test runs and it seemed to be that way. This doesn't mean im leaving the fandom, I'm not going anywhere. I just want to share something new, and just that made me struggled mentally for the past few weeks.

It's become such an invasive thought that I have become irrelevant. Just like how my comics did/are. I struggle to continue when I poured so much on a single update to receive the same comments in every chapters. I feel like what Im bringing to the table isn't enough to make people talk about it. It makes me lose the will to go on with the series, and I still tried to go as far as I could.

I went as far as I could with To the World We Lost at that time. I am going as far as I am able to with my current projects.

  I don't know how much farther I can keep up with others and my own's expectation.

[nartblartmallcop]

RIP to my dhmis fixation, lets honor it with a bunch of stuff i made and either wanted to pretty up some more or add more pics to before posting but now thats not happening

first off some things that i dont think really need an explanation

first quick sketches of other arts that i just really like and wanted to keep (yea the playlist icons started out as pics for selected red vox songs for each of them)

roy at the very moment where he realises the nature of the world he's in. shortly after this he turns into a gangly beast

pic based on the INCREDIBLE fic "Three Friends, Three Foes, Three Names They'll Never Know" by Eliza Farrow, specifically the quote "Red is love, and rage, warmth and war, luck and passion. Everything was there, under a thick plastering of apathy, his feelings tangled and violent like storms within clouds." from chapter 2 (i actually wanted to draw many things based on moments from the fic because it REALLY sparked my inspo when reading it)

i looked up different hairstyles you can do with freeform dreadlocks like the ones i gave radley and i had way more styles i wanted to do, but these two on their own are also nice

my take on that AU concept where yellow has to dad the other two

was thinking about how naive all three of them actually are and had the idea of an AU where all three of them are children. it would make no sense but thats not what its about it was all about the cute kiddo designs

i actually spent a good few weeks fighting the internal battle of my fucking life on if i would maybe want to change my human designs for radley and quentin cause i felt like the ones here would fit their puppets' appearances better, but i had already grown so attached to my original designs,,, it was a struggle

also my take on the "who used the chainsaw" discourse

quentin would fuck his boss for a promotion. if he hadn't freaked out about how he was brainwashed he would have gone for the gilf

humanization take on duck putting the smallest toast in the toaster: just busting out a flamethrower

radley fighting quentin's internalised racism AND homophobia in one swift sentence

a silly idea i had for a claire humanisation. didnt go with it but the concept is hilarious to me. she just has horns

so the idea i had for the tourism teacher oc (that i didnt make) was that they take the gang to germany for some jokes a la "wow this place is so exotic and strange!!!" when it's just one country to the right. they visit a döner kebab stand in this pic

wanted to use this to set up an arc where quentin locks himself back up in the closet and have it cotribute to some major mental health deterioration. cause i love performing the worst psychological torture on my faves

this started out as "potential tv show season 2 design designs" and then quickly turned into "quentin but hes older,,,, and grumpier,,,, AND in the beginnings of a villain arc" (pure self indulgence)

a height comparison that was my main basis for the refs i made

that shrek AU i promised ages ago. like i said above i really waned to add more to it before posting, at the very least the "Who are you trying to keep out?" "EVERYONE, OKAY?" scene

deltarune AU!! the idea was that yellow is a human who gets posessed by a PLAYER SOUL (a green one instead of red tho) and he goes into a dark world that appeared in his school, but the janitor, duck, sees him, tries to follow him and then he's suddenly in the dark world too! also his mop has come to life and is ridiculousy handsome.

and finally, a little crossover picture i made just before getting fully sucked up by tf2. i genuinely think the two franchises fit each other really nicely tonaly! and also red would 100% play a living meat shield class like heavy and duck would be all insane and violently enthusiastic like soldier. just try to change my mind

[trainingdummyrabbit]

Hey, I know you're a Projmoon fan, I guess I'm curious because I'm at an impasse on what to do rn, did you play through the entirety of Lobotomy Corporation, did you just skip it entirely for Ruina, or did you read a summary/watch a cutscene compilation or let's play/something else? And what would you recommend as an approach? I've tried playing through Lobcorp but it's just extremely tedious and I'm considering skipping it to get to something I think I'll like more (Ruina)

oh!! ok my answer is a little bit complicated tbh; bc i havent. played any of the series at all. WAHAHA

what i personally did was um. attempt to watch an incomplete lobcorp lp ==> couple months radio silence ==> watched one (1) day of gameplay from a friend (for one boss fight specifically) ==> got recc'd summaries i slowly watched thru ==> couple months radio silence. ==> watched someone else's (actually complete) lp ==> (rabbit hole'd) summaries again.

um. dont do that. JSNBGKHDBK

im not gonna act like i Know how t tackle a series like this (since it took me like 4 circles around to Actually Commit to it (and also im kind of. new. here)) BUT from my personal opinion of the series and how it carries itself, i CAN recc at least Some order of something.

TRY to play Lobcorp! which i can kinda see is already done on your end. its something i Super want to try but absolutely know i wont finish SKJFNKDJF;; the main draw of PLAYING lobcorp is the struggle. it Sucks! its Long and Tedious and the game HATES you... and that's the point! it's plot relevant. it's an experience i didnt get to feel, but can so painfully just Understand by merit of watching someone else do it, only skipping about occasionally. tl;dr: the game loop is Telling A Story, Dragging You In-- THAT is the draw in insisting folks play it. it genuinely makes the... everything... hit that much harder. Once youve given it your best, dont feel ashamed to look for someone who's Done It! (i hear a lot of folks havent completed lobcorp themselves, so ✌) DONT UM . SKIP IT COMPLETELY THOUGH ruina is literally a Direct Sequel to it. i think it does a good enough job at introducing the setting on its own, but i am GRABBING YOU this shit will hit fucking DIFFERENT if you Understand. also its a lovely game worth looking at and appreciating bc GOD what a fucking experience those last few days are. i do not cry that easily to stuff like this but OUGH. AUGH. H

Wonderlab??? its a webcomic thats heavily reccommended you read through, but due to um. circumstances . it doesnt seem t be feasible atm. however, there IS a synopsis up thats pretty darn good! wonderlab, iirc, isn't directly plot relevant, but DOES introduce certain important concepts for ruina. however, it's not Mandatory, as ruina Also explains these things. as far as i know, its just a fun lil kickass story in the universe taking place between series you can look at if you want :)

Play Ruina! or watch, i guess. again, i watched an lp and it kicked the shit out of me emotionally (affectionate) so honestly do what you will here, i suppose.

honestly though, these are both super fucking long-ass and ridiculously heavy games so you're probably gonna be here a while. it took me like two weeks of committed watch time t look into Properly, and that was even when i started skipping straight to cutscenes at the latter half. embrace that! i cant stop you, but id heavily reccommend at the very least watching through the gameplay loop for a good chunk of the time-- giving the story that space really hammers home the... Everything. heavily heavily recc letting it Have that space.

for ruina specifically though, definitely at least watch through the beginning and ending legs of every fight-- and at least a solid chunk of every boss fight. if you're intent on skipping round gameplay loops like i did, imean. watch the boss fights watch the boss fights these fuckers do NOT play around. i cannot applaud these games' soundtracks enough and i wont say anything but trust me trust me trust me.

ANYWAY. here's the stuff that was recc'd to me, personally! if you wanna give watching through the series a go! :]

Lobcorp LP: [x] (Commentated+Completed! I couldn't find any no-commentary ones that were finished, but honestly for its gameplay loop it Helps. Blind on his end, but he does genuinely really like the series so i give it a thumbs up ✌) Ruina LP: [x] (Same guy :] also completed!) Lobcorp SUMMARY: [x] (Brief, but a good opener+summary!) Wonderlab SUMMARY: [x] (It Sure Is Wonderlab!!) Ruina SUMMARY: [x] [x] (Actually incomplete, but goes pretty well in depth and is easy to watch+absorb.) Alt SUMMARY: [x] (Consists of both parts of the duology! I haven't actually watched it in a while so i don't exactly remember much t say about it, but it sure is on my list!)

[marshymeds]

What are your fave scenes from each Mxtx work?

I probably don’t need to say this, but I will anyway! SPOILERS for SVSSS, TGCF, and MDZS below!

Ill start with TGCF since it was the first I read. There are so many scenes that I loved, and this series was so long its a bit hard to narrow down, but everything in the White No-Face arc was impactful to me specifically. The 100 sword scene, the drunk scene, the suicide scene…I just think the arc did a really good job of portraying how helpless Xie Lian felt. There was literally nothing good happening. But my FAVORITE scene from it all was the bit where the man came back, in the rain, to apologize for being angry and tell Xie Lian to suck it up and get out of the rain. Something about the scene was so incredibly human, both for Xie Lian and the man. We have a tendency to see bad and assume there will only be bad, and it wasn’t just that it was a “happier” ending to it all. It was interesting and very REAL to see someone who had yelled at him for no reason turn around and apologize, explain he’d had a bad day, and then help him out without babying him.

MDZS was the second I delved into (technically at the same time as SVSSS but that’s not important) and I loved it for a lot of the same reasons. My favorite scene is probably the one where Lan Wangji visits Yiling and runs into Wen Yuan and Wei Wuxian. Everything about the setting was bittersweet—despite all of their disagreements in the past and the situation they’re in now they walk on egg shells and just sort of. Be friends for a bit. And then, Wei Wuxian, who knows on some degree that he’s ruining himself to save these people, walks in on the Wens throwing him a large dinner. And Wen Qing says they were AFRAID to ask him. That they thought he was some scary lofty figure but have grown so grateful that they want to give back somehow. And he just feels as if it doesn’t matter anymore how hard it is. Something felt so…painful but heartwarming about this scene. Like watching an old video that includes a family member that passed away or finding something from a friendship that didnt end well but was happy at the time. Im not sure if that makes sense. In that moment, despite their troubles, they just got to exist.

For SVSSS I’ll cheat and choose something from the extras because its kind of a tie. I loved the Bamboo Branch Poem extra so much, I love Zhuzhi Lang and Tianlang-Jun’s familial relationship a lot. The Airplane extras are also very near and dear to me as a moshang lover, but I love the bit specifically where Shang Qinghua runs away and Mobei-Jun tries to take him back and is actively making concessions to do so (carrying him, offering to make noodles) because

Overall, I think what I love most about MXTX books is how human the characters seem. Theres never a “good” or “bad” outcome necessarily. The Banyue arc is a good example in TGCF, or Wei Wuxian’s struggle to save the Wen prisoners in vain and tearing himself and his relationships apart in the process in MDZS. The gods in tgcf are more human than god, and the cultivators in mdzs and svsss are still flawed despite all their training and skills. Scum Villain is a bit different because it comments a lot of fandom culture and media consumption but ultimately its commenting about the READER instead of a character—still in a very human way.

I hope that wasn’t all gibbrish—I’ve been drawing and thinking about this question for a bit now and my mind is soupy from a busy week. So I hope my thoughts make sense. Thanks for the chance to ramble a bit and I wish you a great weekend ❤️🫶

[strawberrybabydog]

i feel like i might lose my job. im really struggling to make hours right now because ive had to spend most of my days doing really serious suicide prevention for myself (aka, dissociating and doing Literally nothing all day) and its really eating my brain atm. i feel awful for so many reasons. on top of that i think my New Trauma is manifesting itself by making me really sick like every week, so even on my good mental days im probably going to be bed-ridden regardless

my brain is doing that thing where it says "trauma Good actually" & then i get new mental illnesses. i have several new/changed delusions & hallucinations, agoraphobia, and my intrusive thoughts make me so nauseous i get humble and actually accept that i Will puke (yes i have emeto too ♡ LOL 🤪) but every day i wake up and im like "really excited to draw today" & then i sit at my laptop like this 👁👁 for six hours because my brain is goop. or my body wants to ♡practice rigor mortis♡ (catatonia, which has also been happening more recently)

i went from a strong bold german shepherd to a small white crusty 21 year old dog who wakes up every day disappointed about it /lh/hj

if ur my coworker and u read this. no u didnt ♡

[scribz-ag24]

You may have probably already drew some but I feel like after seeing you redrawing SU moments with Dragon Ball characters and Gohan in Steven's moments, I feel like you're going to draw the pink steven moments with Super Saiyan 2 Gohan and Vegeta in Jasper's place because why not? Lol.

how dare you call me out like this

anyways since you guessed it anyways, heres the doodle i did like a year ago lol

MAYBE ill actually do it someday lol

umm context under the read more if you wanna read that 'cause i'll prolly won't do anything with this anytime soon, but here's my thought process/headcanon

edit: i feel like rambling a bit so here we go. Context: 7 years timeskip, obv. Vegeta is super depressed and lost without kakarot, he basically ignores his family and just stays quiet in his room alone, beating himself up in GR or just hanging out in lonely places (but unlike piccolo he doesnt actually get any benefit from it lol). On the other hand, Gohan is grieving, deeply, he can't help but feel he's responsible for Goku's death, even if he knows it's wrong and no one blames him (except vegeta maybe?? I can see Vegeta blaming everyone to try and ignore how its HIS fault too). Gohan's also struggling with ssj2, turns out 10 yos with atlas complex should NOT be more powerful than all the adults around them [oh, hey steven, how are you?].

So uhhhh Vegeta's desperate for combat and blood and saiyan goodness, so when Gohan comes visit him to check on him for whatever reason (maybe make sure he doesnt hurt bulma/trunks), he goads him into combat. He specifically goads for the SSJ2, bc of course he does, and enjoys every bloody moment of gohan pushing him back with full power. Finally, another challenge, if Freeza and Kakarot are gone, he WILL surpass this brat. But Gohan, who is the mature adult in this conversation, puts an end to it and refuses to actually fight him to the end. period. This silly pantomime where he pretends to be Goku will end in nothing but misery for both of them. Gohan sees in Vegeta what obsessing over his power and his dad's death will do to him, so he makes the choice to find a way to leave it all behind. He doesn't care about power or legacy, he cares about finally living in a hard-earned peace. Finally ENJOYING life, for what seems like the first time in his life.

Ok so the fight's over. Gohan says sth painfully true about how sad and pitiful vegeta's become/acting. Then he leaves to spend time with his family, the people he loves and is loved by. Some weeks later he overhears his mom talking with Bulma, who's surprised by Vegeta actually letting himself be seen around the house and at least allows Trunks into the GR, not knowing what prompted the change. Gohan is mildly pleased that the confrontation wasnt worth nothing. How he feels about it is undecided cause i didnt care to think that far ahead lol. Maybe he'd try to focus on himself for once, he seemed pretty happy in Buu saga after all.