#this whole idea is subject to change but it is initially funny and compelling to my brain

[jacqcrisis]

This a ramble about some thoughts I'm having while playing bg3. Please ignore if you want cause I'm only just now about to start act 2 on my first playthrough.

I wonder if due to the general rarity and more animalistic appearance of a dragonborn, if Ronan is a hard sell on the 'attraction' front for a lot of people. I can't imagine most people's first reaction to meeting a new lizard man is 'the pants are coming off', unless they are a very particular kind of person or have been around people of that race enough for the general wariness for the visual peculiarities to have worn off. Especially not in a crisis situation where if you really wanted to bone down, there's other more human options with skin and normal teeth and...lips.

Obviously, all the companions are video game bisexual and also seemingly devoid of personal aesthetic preferences in order to help facilitate you the player's personal role-playing fantasy adventure. Everyone is available no matter what race you pick in a game mechanic sense but thinking logically in a worldbuilding/narrative sense...

I understand Lae'zel wondering outloud to Ronan if she could 'ride him like the red dragons'; that makes sense for her and her...interests. She seems like a certified freak (affectionate). And I would get it if Gale had a dialogue option that implied or directly stated he'd wondered what it'd be like to be with a dragonborn because he seems like he's spent a lot of time reading weird porn inbetween simping for an actual goddess who probably can and did true polymorph herself into some fucked up shit for him. Their sex life had to be crazy if he's willing to turn himself into a thermonuclear device to try and get it back is all I'm saying ANYWAYS

But since I'm romancing him this playthrough, I have to imagine for someone like Astarion, that it had to take some personal pep talk before putting on the fawning voice and asking Ronan to sleep with him. And even more psyching himself up because in my game, it took two additional long rests after that conversation to actually get to the awkward sex scene. He had to really think about that one, literally had to sleep on it TWICE to make sure he's got his head in the right place to find out what dragonborn dick is about.

Not that hes disgusted, just... put off by the prospect on how he's going to sell this whole charming, super into the dragonborn shtick when he's just not all that much. I just cannot imagine, even outside of the manipulation game he's playing with the PC, Astarion sitting there, being like 'you know who I'd like to get rowdy with now that my body is my own again? Out of everyone at this camp? Thats right. The Lizard.'

I'm only just now about to start act 2, so I could be super off base, but that's the headcanon I'm running with right now. Vampire didn't find much physically of the big dragonborn tantalizing before deciding sleeping with him was the best course of action. The idea that this would obviously change over the course of time is compelling to me.

[flownwrong]

chaotic ckr c6d squee propaganda (?) post

This, started half a year ago for @ds30below, was initially a general c6d short reviews post but kinda skewed majorly towards CKR's repertoire and wasn't too review-y. So I gave up on making sense and on including the non-CKR works. I don't know who the audience for this is, because I never give basic details for people who don't know about this stuff but say too much for those who do. I giffed what I could and tried to avoid what I know a lot about but haven't actually seen. Here goes.

Frank's Cock (1993)

Not much to say. It's only 8 minutes, it's beautiful and you should see it if you haven't. I won't spoil the subject, but you can likely guess. Watch it, cry a little. Then go watch some more of Mike Hoolboom's stuff, the vimeo link above is from his channel.

Two X-Files episodes (1994 – 1995)

Well, I haven't actually seen X-files since I was about fifteen and watched the like two seasons, and I remember none of it. I rewatched the two early episodes CKR appears in and they were fun. I did not watch the, the movie or whatever where he's doing the evil gay thing. But really, this one is on the list so I can show you this self-indulgent gif of him being Very Long:

Double Happiness (1994)

You shouldn't watch this one for CKR. I mean, you absolutely should see him here, looking like he's barely out of his teens and playing up the insecure act and having devastating chemistry with devastatingly beautiful Sandra Oh, but this is not why it's great. And it's really, really great. It's touching and funny and sincere. If you wanna have some feels about complicated family relationships and identity and growing up (at any point in life), you'll find them here.

Curtis's Charm (1995)

Don't regret watching it, can't recommend. Not gonna lie, I was emotionally affected. But I usually am by things as in-your-face bleak as this. Mostly, it's trying very hard to be smarter than it is, I think.

However: CKR's One Wild Curl is everything to me (see above, on the right. It was, like, actually curly. I was rendered speechless). And like two seconds of Hugh Dillon made me do a double-take, lol. Incredibly weird knowing this was shot like half a year before HCL began shooting. Feels like it must've been a decade earlier.

Hard Core Logo (1996)

I could make three separate posts about this one, so of course I have no idea what to say.

This one, you should watch for CKR, actually, he's something, but so is every single other aspect of this film. I wouldn't change a thing about it. It hits you like a 16 wheeler. Perfectly cast, unimaginably beautiful, hysterical and melancholy and disgusting and compelling.

Related recs:

A wonderfully fun article/retrospective/interview for its 20th anniversary a while back.

You should also absolutely read Hard Core Roadshow if you enjoyed the film. It's a book documenting the whole thing from conception to release. It touched me for its own sake, not just a backstage glance, full of love for the craft and the people and carrying this tangible bittersweetness about the heightened and fleeting nature of this kind of work.

(here, I feel compelled to include a quote from another c6d-related interview on Slings & Arrows, which I read after the book and went like man, it's really a universal experience isn't it.

Coyne: <...> But I also think, and this is my experience, what we were all experiencing, because we were all talking about our lives, our life in the arts — there’s something very melancholy about doing something you love, because it will never be good enough, it will always break your heart.

McKinney: Or it will be fleeting.

Coyne: It’ll be fleeting. You come together with people you feel passionately connected to and two weeks later they’re tearing down the sets.)

Quotes from the article and the book respectively include:

McDonald: So there was a kind of mutual dependency society with Hugh telling Callum, “Don’t worry, man, I got your back, I’ll tell you how high or low to wear your guitar, I’ll tell you how you should dress, I’ll tell you what you should drink…” and Callum was like, “I’ll tell you what hitting your mark is, I’ll tell you why they pull out fucking tape measures, I’ll tell you why you have to do it again, I’ll tell you about not overlapping dialogue..” and you know they clung to each other, like the other one was gonna fucking save them.

And:

A final gathering at the back of the tour bus with Bruce, Callum, Hugh, Bernie. We listen to the tape of HCL songs, all the way through, one last time. And we belt the words out. Bernie sings loudest, performing for Salerno's camera. Hugh and Callum sit back, looks of sadness. I get the sense that if they could do it, they'd chuck their lives and be Joe Dick and Billy Tallent forever. Callum leans to Bruce and says exactly what everyone else is thinking: "I don't want it to end."

There's much more to both texts than *gestures* the whatever those two had, but it certainly doesn't hurt.

And Xeriscape is the best HCL fic I've read. Granted, I read very few because it's not a source that creates in me a craving for fic. But this one perfectly matches the film's fucked up beauty with its language while also adding a quieter, more fraught layer of humanity that we only get glimpses of in canon and that perfectly fits John. 10/10, would recommend.

Anyway. Watch it. Read it. If you haven't. Otherwise, come scream with meeee! And go reblog my gifs or something. Idk.

Letters From Home (1996)

Mike Hoolboom strikes again, with another short. This goes into the "don't watch it for CKR, watch it because it's great" box. Yes, you will cry.

For Those Who Hunt The Wounded Down (1996)

Another bleak one! It sucked to watch, I mean, on purpose. There were a couple of very effective scenes. I really enjoyed the opening. They say the book is decent too, I haven't checked that out.

Actually, let's just switch back from coherent thought to undignified staring at his mouth with this one. What the fuck is that cigarette thing. I couldn't help myself.

Last Night (1998)

These gifs are not representative of the whole movie. There is more happening than CKR kissing or hugging people. He's also doing more than just kissing and hugging. It's all very... impressive.

Guess who's also here again? Sandra Oh! And say hi to Don McKellar, who is an absolute champion for writing/directing/starring. You'll be seeing more of him.

Another one for the "watch it for its own sake" box. Seriously, that late 90s indie stuff is banger after banger. It's so beautiful! Look at those colours! Look at those shots! It's very uneasy and charming and melanchioly and itself in the best way.

Twitch City (1998 – 2000)

Don McKellar is back to murder you with discomfort! Bruce McDonald lends a hand. Molly Parker is also here. And Daniel McIvor, who'd go on to direct, for example, Wilby Wonderful. It's a party. If you watched some stuff from above (or below) on this list, most faces and names will be familiar to you, tbh (another Hugh Dillon double-take happens).

If you liked Spaced, you'll love this. You might also love it because it commits to its weirdness with an admirable resolve and is genuinely hilarious. (Honestly, CKR's outfits alone warrant a watch.) The idiosyncrasy is definitely Don McKellar's doing 200%. It couldn't be more different from Last Night, but if you've seen one, you'll recognise the other.

Battlestar Galactica (2003 – 2009)

I don't think a person should be allowed to look this pretty in the sweaty-and-dying makeup in that light (this sentence probably looks very weird to those not under the CKR magic spell).

I don't know what to say about BSG because I really, really enjoyed early it initially, but by the middle of S2 it got... well, whatever that was. If you know you know, if you don't, still give it a go. You might get invested enough to suffer through it all, as I have been, slowly.

The unfortunate thing is that CKR got to be there mostly in the "what the fuck" years and not the "wow that's so cool" years. That, as you might be aware, is a pattern with him. But! When he was here, he was so genuinely, wonderfully creepy not in the typecast-baddy way, but in this slow, half-absent way, which really worked. You can also see him tortured a little, as a treat!! <3

Also, a wild John Pyper-Ferguson appears! If you're looking at him thinking you know him from somewhere but not immediately remembering, you'll figure it out, I believe in you. I was very happy to see him.

Wilby Wonderful (2004)

Another win for the put CKR in more good shit team!!! Guess who's here again? Sandra Oh! Also, Paul Gross. Don't watch it for him either though haha.

Another one for whoever wants to look at pushing against the weight of others' (or your own) expectations and growing into who you are or reconsidering who you are or finding meaningful connections with others even when you're kind of a mess and they are too.

Not nearly the first time CKR's gotten to play a queer character, but man, this one really is the heart of the in-universe community, and, through that, of the film. A rare chance to see him so far out of the prickly persona! He's just so solid and calm and there for others in this one and, and soft, ough. It's awesome.

By the way, if any of you have the commentary track or know someone who has, please drop me a line here or on discord (emotionalrisotto), I really wanna hear that.

Supernatural (2005)

I love Supernatural a lot. It was a formative experiences (albeit a very late one) and I owe a lot of my favourite stuff about fandom-ing to the buddies I met through it. I can't believe I'm telling you this (because who hasn't seen it, not because I'm reccing it), but you should really try it if you haven't. It's pretty rad.

I had no idea who this guy was when I saw that episode (the second ever one!), though. I simply cannot fathom what @nigeltde-fic felt when she first saw it. I think I personally got very lucky she didn't combust on the spot. It would've been unfortunate.

On a sillier note, CKR's character has weird tension with both Sam and Dean in this episode, which is par for the course. I personally think they should've... no, I shan't say it. You can probably imagine.

Californication (2008 – 2013)

I haven't actually seen it, lol (and I suspect I won't enjoy it, but I'm very curious and also CKR looks really really good).

The real reason for this one on the list is to share a fic rec. Really, it's a due South F/K fic featuring Lew Ashby. It's ridiculously hot and very satisfying in its romantic resolution, too (but then, I'm kind of big on selfcest. And consensual voyeurism. And pretend relationships when done like this. And sublimated yearning. Erm.)

Shattered (2010 – 2011)

I wish this never happened. I badly, badly wish this never happened. I can't turn back time, but I can warn those luckier than me: do not go there. Yes, even for this dude. You'll sleep better not knowing just what it is he was the EP on. And the only important part — the mascara — can be seen above (yes, the show does look that bad, it's not just the gifs).

Just kidding — I watched it, didn't I? You'll have fun hating it! Just prepare for industrial grade cringe, lower your expectations (No, lower. No, still lower than that. And just a bit more.) and you'll have a great time!

Star trek: Discovery (2024)

Or, as I call it, Star Trek: The Mediocre Show. Discovery S5 was... what it was, but it was a wonderful viewing experience — mostly thanks to the gang (@kittkatk and @feroxargentea especially!)

What a joy it is, to follow a show week by week, yelling and laughing and discussing the whole time. And giffing, too. I was very happy to contribute to the Disco fandom from my own little obsessive corner, and I was glad to see people adoring Rayner, haha.

He's a pretty neat character — very much a stereotype, yes, but with CKR's usual twist of odd vulnerability and weirdness. Also, I loved the ears. I miss the ears. The ears were great.

I even wrote a fic! Although it's not within my usual range to write for canons and universes I don't know well — and back then, I'd only seen S5 of Disco. It was a lot of suffering, and a lot of fun.

Closing thoughts

I'd really love the dude to get a better agent. And possibly better taste, but I realise that's a tougher ask. Seriously, it's been too long since he was in something majorly cool. I'm grateful to him, at least, for not making terrible music on the side. And I still have a lot of his back catalogue to get through, some of it even good, so there will be more insanity. Until then!

[cherry-valentine]

Fall 2020 Anime Season:

Golden Kamuy Season 3 is, so far, just as good as the first two seasons. For anyone unfamiliar with the show, it follows a former soldier called “Immortal Sugimoto” (nicknamed so for his tendency to survive a lot of shit that would kill most people) and a young Ainu (the Japanese equivalent of Native Americans) girl as they search Northern Japan (and even parts of Russia) for hidden Ainu gold. The story is pretty wild, with threats coming from the wildlife and the harsh, snowy conditions as often as from mercenaries, assassins, and various other human dangers. The cast has expanded enough that we have several separate groups of cool, well-written characters roaming about (and they’ve shuffled a bit from season two, making their interactions very interesting). Sugimoto remains one of my favorite anime protagonists. He’s one of the more brutal, violent main characters I’ve seen, but, strangely, also one of the nicest. He’s kind to innocents (both people and animals) but will slaughter his enemies without hesitation. He’s also pretty funny. Then again, almost every character is subject to the show’s weird but endearing humor. It’s very hard to dislike any character, even the ones who are quite cruel. The show is also notable for having a lot of homoerotic subtext. The beefy, handsome men sure do love taking their clothes off and wrestling. Like, taking it ALL off. Multiple times per season. Yeah. Watch this show, everybody.

Ikebukuro West Gate Park is a new show this season that I was initially interested in because it reminded me of Durarara!! in that it’s set in Ikebukuro and features color gangs. That’s where the similarities end, however. Whereas Durarara!! had tons of supernatural elements and just plain craziness, IWGP is more realistic by comparison. The show follows Makoto, a seemingly normal guy who seems to function in a sort of “odd jobs” type of role for a color gang called the G Boys. While they’re a gang, they don’t seem like criminals or thugs, or even delinquents. They really feel more like a club, held together by their respect for the leader referred to as King. So far the series seems to be episodic in nature, with most stand-alone episodes focusing on some sort of social issue, from drug addiction to immigration. It’s interesting to see these issues presented in such a sympathetic light, viewed through the lens of Tokyo’s youth. The art is nice, with varied character designs and animation that’s just good enough that you don’t notice the problems very often. The music is a highlight, with my favorite opening theme of the season and one of the better ending themes.

Magatsu Wahrheit is a show I was very iffy on at first. It has a lot of things working against it. It’s based on a video game I’ve never heard of, the opening theme is one of the cheapest, most unimpressive things I’ve ever seen (note: it does improve a few episodes in!), and the series overall has a low budget feel (though nowhere near as bad as Gibiate from last season). But the story is actually very interesting and very well written. The basic premise is that Young Man A (I’m not remembering these weird names, sorry) works as a delivery truck driver in your usual “modern fantasy” setting (kingdoms and monsters and other medieval fantasy trappings alongside trucks and cars and advanced science laboratories). When he’s loading up his deliveries, Young Man B, a fresh recruit in the kingdom’s military and general goody-two-shoes, randomly offers to help Young Man A load his truck. Young Man B spots some boxes off to the side and, assuming they were part of the load, puts them into the truck while Young Man A is talking to his boss. These boxes turn out to be illegal weapons being smuggled by a group of... freedom fighters? I guess? This, in turn, drags Young Man A into a shit storm of trouble when the illegal weapons are discovered in his truck. It also leads directly to tragedy for Young Man B as well, setting them both on wildly different but similarly dangerous paths. The whole idea that a simple act of kindness for a stranger sets off such a terrible series of events is pretty engaging. As it stands in the show right now, Young Man A is the more compelling character. He’s just a truck driver. He’s a coward who runs from danger and wants no part of any of this. But at the same time, he can be surprisingly brave at times (usually when a child is in danger). In a twist on the usual trope, these spurts of bravery are rarely rewarded. At least twice, his decision to act has led to heartbreaking tragedy. So far Young Man B is your typical “idealistic youth realizing the military isn’t comprised entirely of nice people” type of character. As such, he’s just not as interesting. He hasn’t had as much screen time though, so hopefully he’ll grow as a character. I guess it says a lot that I’ve written so much about the show, and almost all of it is about the plot. But the plot is really the only remarkable thing about it. In this case, that’s enough.

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni is, well, a bit of a trainwreck. And I’m not necessarily talking about the quality of the show. Let me explain: The show was marketed as a remake of the 2006 anime, which was one of my all-time favorite series. I was pretty excited about it. Lots of new fans who had never watched the original started this one. The first episode was okay. I wasn’t crazy about how shiny everything looked (I realize the original’s visuals are a bit dated now but at least they were unique, this new one looks like pretty much every harem anime from the past five years) but the story seemed to be doing good and I looooooved the use of the original opening theme song as the closer. Then episode two dropped, and the fandom basically exploded. The first few minutes of episode two reveal that this is not a remake, but a sequel! Shock! At first, I was impressed by this little bit of manipulation. It felt exciting to realize the truth. But then it dawned on me (and the rest of the fandom) that new viewers who came to watch this were screwed over. Those first few minutes of episode two spoil some very important things from the original series (we’re talking major spoilers here), and it’s going to ruin a lot of plot points for those who never watched the original and now want to go back and watch it first. So here’s a PSA: If you’re new to Higurashi and want to try this new series, DON’T unless you’re okay with watching a sequel that spoils the original.

Okay, so now let’s talk about this new series/sequel. First, the good points: The ending theme is GORGEOUS. Just... go watch it. Soak it up. The opening isn’t bad but I can’t help comparing it to the far superior original opening. Aside from the overly shiny and generic character designs, the rest of the visuals are pretty great. The scenery in particular is very nice. In terms of story, I like the idea of beginning each new “arc” by staying close to the original story, then throwing in some pretty wild deviations that make them end in completely different ways because a character that lived through the original is trying to make subtle changes (that so far have ended up turning out very badly). When it comes to the bad points, one in particular sticks out: It’s not scary! The original had some truly unsettling moments, and so far this one hasn’t even been creepy. It’s had some moments that obviously tried to be scary but have failed miserably. For example, the early scenes with Rena in the original were actually terrifying. But I felt none of the intensity or creepiness in this sequel. Still, it’s nice to see these characters again and to see how this story deviates as someone tries desperately to change the outcomes.

Haikyuu!! has another new season and... I don’t really know what to say about it. I’ve talked about this show several times now. Looks like this season is going to focus primarily on one long match, a concept I’m not crazy about. They also made the baffling decision to cut in with a full episode about a rival team’s match right in the middle of showing the match with the main team. I mean I love seeing more of the rival teams but it felt disjointed to do it this way. Still yet, it’s a fun and energetic show full of great characters and easily understood volley ball matches.

Jujutsu Kaisen is probably the most hyped up new show this season, and I would say it definitely deserves that hype. It’s a pretty familiar shounen fighting anime setup: A teenage boy acquires special powers and joins a school to train so that he can use those powers for good. However, following that formula does little to negate just how fun and well-done this series is. A lot of people have compared it to Naruto (the protagonist is a vessel for a powerful entity, he joins a trio of characters with a more serious and moody black-haired boy and a chick, and they have a badass teacher with silver hair who keeps his face partially covered). So sure, it’s like Naruto... except it’s much better than Naruto in every conceivable way. The animation and fight choreography are consistently fantastic. The main character is not the least bit annoying. The only chick in the group (there are more cool ladies in the story, just not in this group!) is a badass in her own right and her story and motivations have absolutely nothing to do with romantic interest in any of the guys. Even the teacher character is incredibly fun. The music is great, with my favorite ending theme of the season. You know it’s an excellent ending theme when people start making different versions of it using characters from other shows. It’s so, well, fun. A word I keep using here, because that’s the first word that comes to mind when I’m watching this series.

Talentless Nana is one of those shows that’s going to be difficult for me to talk about without spoiling a very cool surprise. This surprise comes at the end of episode one (basically, the show makes you think it’s about something, but turns out it’s about something completely different). So if you want to really enjoy that surprise, stop reading this and go watch episode one before coming back. If you’ve already watched it or don’t mind having the surprise spoiled, here we go: The first episode sets up the series to be a cheap Boku no Hero Academia knock-off. We have a school of “talented” (super powered) kids training to use their powers to save humanity from (so far) unseen monsters referred to as “the enemies of humanity”. We are told one boy has no “talent” or special power and he’s ridiculed for this. There’s a new transfer student named Nana, a super sweet and cheerful girl with pink hair who has the ability to read minds. There’s also another transfer student, a sullen and quiet boy named Kyouya who hasn’t disclosed what his “talent” is. With that setup, I think a lot of people were ready to dismiss it as “BNHA, but not as good”. But then, a few minutes before the first episode ends, we’re hit with the twist that reveals what this show is really about: Nana is the one with no “talent”. She lied about being able to read minds (the boy we thought had no talent did actually have one). She’s a totally normal human being, and she has been sent to infiltrate the school and kill off the students, the true “enemies of humanity” (called so because their powers make them incredibly dangerous). Thus, the show is about a normal human girl using only her wits and skill in manipulation to kill off super-powered individuals. Watching her work is an absolute delight. She is ruthless and incredibly intelligent, but she does have one major problem: the other transfer student Kyouya, who is at least as smart as she is and is suspicious of her right off the bat. But since he’s not sure she’s up to no good, he can’t really act on his suspicions. Nana in turn knows he suspects her, so she has to be careful around him. As a result, the two become “friends”, constantly watching and outmaneuvering each other. In this way, the series reminds me of the early, best parts of Death Note, with the mental sparring between Light and L. But the most fun you’ll have with this show is watching Nana come up with ways to deal with each new “talent” she comes across, from the ability to time travel to necromancy, all while having no special power of her own. The art is nice, a bit generic, nothing too fancy. The music is great, with one of the better opening themes this season.

Moriarty the Patriot focuses on the classic Sherlock antagonist Professor Moriarty. Let me get this out of the way first: I know next to nothing about Sherlock. I haven’t even watched any of the various tv shows about him. What I know of the character basically comes from mentions of him in Detective Conan. So I’m coming into this series with no preconceived notions about these characters and no other versions to compare them to. Anyway, Moriarty as a series is about class warfare. Moriarty as a character pretty much embodies the phrase “eat the rich”. If you’re familiar with the phrase and understand its meaning, you’ll probably like this show. Moriarty works as a professor, but his side job is as a “Crime Consultant”. He helps the poor lower classes get revenge on the cruel nobles and elites who have wronged them. This revenge most often involves murder. There’s something refreshing about how unapologetic it is. In most anime, the hero tries to find other ways to punish evil than by actually killing them, or there’s some lesson involved about how revenge isn’t the answer or how killing someone who wronged you makes you as bad as them. In this series, there’s absolutely none of that. People get their revenge and, so far as I’ve watched, seem to be living much happier lives afterwards. In this way the show totally avoids being preachy. The art is gorgeous, with classy character designs and lovely backgrounds. There’s a certain lushness to it. The music is very nice as well (particularly that poppy ending theme). The only downside is that this has probably ruined me for watching other versions of these characters now. I mean, once you see them as sexy anime pretty boys, it’s hard to see them as anything else.

Carry Over Shows From Previous Seasons:

Black Clover

Best of Season:

Best New Show: Jujutsu Kaisen

Best Opening Theme: Ikebukuro West Gate Park

Best Ending Theme: Jujutsu Kaisen

Best New Male Character: Moriarty (Moriarty the Patriot)

Best New Female Character: Nana (Talentless Nana)

[itsclydebitches]

You know what I think is funny, fandom loves to throw "the animation and writing teams don't work together" as a reason we can't read into different things happening onscreen (Which regardless, that's really stupid, since acting/animation/intonation of the lines/etc can impact the way the story is perceived). But they're also the same ones talking about how the animation is showing the little love things between Blake and Yang and other small tells we see that shows the team hasn't changed much.

This is a problem with all analysis and something that everyone is inclined to do (simply because we all have our opinions and we all want to be right lol). At its most basic, it’s pointing to certain events in a story as proof of an argument while simultaneously ignoring other events that disprove it. We see this all the time when people discuss characters they like/don’t like: you’ll either get a list of all the good qualities or a list of all the bad, with the “analysis” refusing to engage with that other list. Once you move past that roadblock - once you train yourself to consider everything in the text, even when it’s frustrating - you get more complex readings. The stuff that says, “Yes, on the surface it looks like this character has all these bad qualities too but we need to take context into account as well. Like the fact that when they did this Bad Thing someone was blackmailing them into it whereas they did this Good Thing of their own accord.” Or, “Yes, this character has a mix of Good and Bad qualities so maybe we should be acknowledging a more nuanced reading of their morality rather than insisting ‘They’re the devil’ or ‘uwu they’re a baby who did no wrong’” The purpose of analysis is for the text to drive your argument, not for your argument to drive the reading of the text. When something doesn’t fit well you need to take that into account and re-evaluate your thesis. You don’t ignore/twist that wrinkle in an effort to maintain the argument you first started out with. Which is why you analyze the text first and come up with the thesis second. 

Now yes, apply all this to the animation issues. We cannot simultaneously say, “Aspects of the animation prove that Blake/Yang is becoming a thing” as well as, “It doesn’t matter if we saw Clover wink at Qrow. That’s meaningless.” Authorial intent does have some bearing on how we read this, in that we’ve gotten confirmation that some animation choices - like Oscar running down the hall before punching Neo - were mistakes, but in order for that to fully drive our reading of the show as a whole we’d need confirmation regarding every single piece of animation. Did you mean for Ren to look sad in that scene? Were Blake and Weiss supposed to exchange that glance? Is it a mistake that this character rolled their eyes or was that, unlike some other things, intentional? Unless we get a comprehensive list of every animation choice - which we will literally never have for obvious reasons - analysis must function under near absolutes: either the animation has meaning or it doesn’t. Pick one and stick to it (though preferably pick the former because, as you say, of course our visuals impact the reading of the show. They were always supposed to!) You cannot say that the animation choice is full of meaning when Ren and Nora cast loving glances because you adore them as a ship, but then claim that the animation choice to have Yang, Weiss, and Blake draw their weapons on Qrow is meaningless because you don’t like the idea of the girls doing something awful and having to grapple with that. Anything else is just the behavior of the first paragraph, emphasizing the things you like because they support the arguments you also like, while failing to either a) acknowledge these other aspects at all or b) explain how they don’t actually undermine your argument like they appear to at first glance. That’s why I acknowledge the ramifications of Ironwood shooting Oscar. It doesn’t matter how much I hate it, it exists in the text and needs to be taken into account (work a). It’s likewise why I explain in detail why arguments about the Ace Ops losing aren’t persuasive. They initially look persuasive, but poke at them a bit and you’ll see all the holes (work b). 

For the record, this stuff is really hard. There’s a reason why we take classes in analysis. There’s a reason why you study for 6+ years before you’re considered good enough to start publishing papers. These trends - particularly ignoring parts of the text or trying desperately to twist them into something that fits your original argument, rather than revising the argument to fit the evidence - are all mistakes that everyone makes when they first start analyzing things. I did! And those mistakes will seem very persuasive to others who don’t practice analysis enough to recognize when they - or others - are repeating those trends. Which is how you end up with posts arguing non-persuasive or even nonsensical things but are praised extensively. You have to learn how to spot those mistakes and learning how to avoid them is even harder. It’s not just a skill but a kind of mental fortitude. In order to produce persuasive and compelling analysis you have to be willing to potentially chuck your argument in the bin at any given moment. It’s a lot like science that way. Oh, something just disproved our theory? That sucks but we can’t ignore this new evidence just because we spent years chasing something else. We can’t allow personal desires to overcome facts. (Though that’s not to say the chase was wasted. The mere act of working through “wrong” arguments is an important part of hitting on the “right” ones.) 

For the record, this kind of difficulty with critical thought/rhetoric is the same reason why dangerous bigotry like “Getting vaccines will give your child autism” or “Accepting trans people will lead to women getting attacked in bathrooms” take off. Those are both arguments, but the people consuming them often don’t know how to work through the evidence provided to decide if that argument is persuasive - or even know to look for evidence at all. They stop after reading the statement, taking it as an automatic fact, just like a newbie writer in their Freshman high school course may write out a thesis and think that’s it. What do you mean I have to prove it? What do you mean my proof is subjective, unsubstantiated, and is ignoring other pieces of evidence? It’s not proof at all? Oh... It gets particularly difficult when you chuck in the sheer complexities of most political situations and add in a dash of learning that the mere existence of some evidence (“evidence”) doesn’t automatically outweigh all the rest. A perfect example being: 

Don’t be that woman. But all that takes time to learn and it requires the ability to admit you were wrong. Sometimes about small things (“Oh yeah, I forgot that happened!”) as well as about incredibly massive things (“Shit. I’ve been basing my identity around this inaccurate concept and using it to hurt many, many people...”) Both of which are needed to create compassionate human beings who, by default, are not born knowing All The Things Ever. Thus, this is why analyzing “stupid” shows like RWBY isn’t the useless activity that many would prefer to paint it as. If you can learn how to critically engage with what people say about your favorite show, you’re developing the same skills needed to critically engage with, say, what the president is currently tweeting about...

ANYWAY, that’s a bit more of a deep dive than the ask probably meant to produce. But here we are :D

[mor-beck-more-problems]

Ecologies of Rebuilding Your Life || Morgan & Frankie

Frankie tries out a college class. Morgan remembers her past.

@offrankies

“...And who is it that determines the definition of humanity? What kind of definitions do we see offered by Victor, or Henry Cleveral, or the Creature?” Morgan asked the class. The students, while not thrilled with some of Mary Shelley’s ‘big words’ had enough preparation to offer semi thoughtful ideas. Obviously, Victor thought he could define what human means. One of her try-hard students, eager to work his way into his advanced courses, posited that while Victor’s definition of humanity is the one that dominates the narrative, the intrusion of the creature’s perspective halfway through the book is meant to compel the reader into questioning its validity. “Yes!” Morgan tossed the kid a candy from her bowl. “The midpoint crisis here upends our expectations through thought, rather than action. It is, structurally, the center, the heart of the story, changing what we believe to be true. But, are we convinced by the Creature’s definition of his humanity? Why or why--”

Morgan’s timer, the theme song of The X-Files, went off.

“Shit. Alright, that’s time everybody! Do your homework, do your reading, and get ready for Fan-Fiction Friday! And you--” She pointed to the newcomer sandwiched at the corner of the seminar table. “Come see me for a minute. The rest of you, glad you love each other, but please get out.” As the room cleared out she began to gather up her things. “I don’t like to call out guests who are here to spectate, but you seem like you might be trying out the seminar for yourself. Can I ask what brings you by? I think you’ve got one more day to add this into your schedule if you’re thinking about it.”

Had it not been for Frankie’s good grades, and because her mother had moved the sky, the sea and the Earth to convince the principal to allow her to take her finals online, she would’ve ended a high school dropout. But Frankie had been lucky, and she knew she couldn’t pass the possibility of enrolling in the local college; which was why she was sitting in the back of a classroom, listening to a college lecture. It felt good learning again, the big “nerd” sign she had carried through school across her forehead as visible as always; but it was clear that she was struggling - not because of the subject, but because there were so many colors cramped together in the room it made it hard to focus. Except for the professor, who didn’t have any. There were, apparently, more vampires than she had initially guessed.

Being called out as she tried to quietly sneak out of the room made her freeze, a visible wince showing on her face. Were listeners not allowed? She had no idea, and as she followed the professor’s instructions and walked to her desk, Frankie’s heartbeat sped up, her mouth already open to justify herself, but being cut short by the woman’s voice. Her lips pressed together, hands playing with the strap of her backpack as she thought. “I’m sorry, Mrs…. Uhm, ma’am.” Shit. Frankie didn’t even know her name, less alone the name of her class. “I entered the wrong class and I realized too late and didn’t want to interrupt...” She started saying the monologue she had practiced, but then stopped herself. A sigh. “That’s- That’s not true. I’m, uhm, looking to enroll in this college, for a... teaching major...”

“Oh, Stars, please don’t ma’am me,” Morgan said wryly. “Professor Beck is good. And so is Professor Morgan. Or just Morgan. That is my name, after all.” She listened to the girl’s story, fighting back the urge to laugh as she outed herself at her own lie. There really was no shame and no harm in the story she’d lead with. And there was even less to be embarrassed about with the truth. “Hey,” she said, warmly as she could. She could force herself to be warm in spirit, in voice, even if she couldn’t be in her body, right? “Teachers--good teachers, are the badasses that spawn other badasses. Good teaching makes everything else in the world possible. Wanting to be one is the last thing you should be afraid to admit. Especially, you know, to a teacher.” Morgan shouldered her bag and gathered the homework papers from today’s session. “Let’s walk and talk, yeah? Maybe tell me your name, how far along you are in your application?”

A soft smile formed on Frankie’s face as the woman offered her name. “Professor Morgan.” She settled, nodding softly as she continued. Maybe there was nothing surrounding Morgan, but Frankie didn’t need to see the light blue flowing around her body to know that she was a good person willing to help. She wondered if bringing up the lack of aura was a good idea, but decided that she needed college answers before asking questions about the undead. “My name’s Frankie Calloway, I just moved to this town a little over a week ago. Uhm.” As they walked, she scrambled to grab her backpack that was hanging from her shoulder, taking from it a binder filled with papers. Searching through it, she took an essay and an application, showing it to her. “I originally was going to Pittsburgh, ‘cause I got a scholarship when I applied, but uh, I decided to come here instead.” As she let the other skim through them, she hugged the filled binder against her chest, biting her lips. “And I’m… very behind considering I haven’t started yet.”

Oh, she had a binder. This kid knew what was up. Started on some things, she at least had a paper form to work off of. But--not quite making the plunge yet. Morgan couldn’t help but be endeared by the drive and relate to her nerves. How often had she wanted to reach for something she desperately wanted and then forced herself to hold back over her stupid family curse? But what was Frankie’s reason? “It’s good to meet you, Frankie. I hope you’ll think about taking the class, in the fall if not over the summer.” She lead them out the building and onto the arts quad. The weather wasn’t exactly perfect, but there were still students milling in shorts and tanks, throwing frisbees, staring into their phones as if nothing ever had or would disrupt their peace again. “Can I ask--and you can say no--but, what happened with the change up? You seem to have a lot of spirit, you’re organized, you’ve got at least some of the basics, so I just wonder--and I only wonder because I may or may not have been there before--what’s been holding you back, Frankie?”

“I’ll definitely take your class, Professor. But I don’t, uhm, think I’ll make it this summer.” Frankie’s eyes looked around at the college life, and despite all the bright colors merging together in a sea of colors that threatened to make her go blind, she couldn’t help but smile once again, full of hope. It had been a dream of hers ever since sophomore year to go away to college with her girlfriend; and though the second half now seemed impossible, she could still try and make the first part come true. The questions made her shift uncomfortably, not quite prepared to answer them. It was easy to take the easy way off and say it was personal, but lying and keeping her mouth shut would be very un-Frankie of her. It took her several seconds for her to organize her thoughts before she continued. Both arms tightened around the binder and her body, and she looked down to the floor to ignore the auras as they got closer to the students hanging out. “I really thought I had... my whole life figured out back in Nashville. Like, I was graduating valedictorian, had the most amazing girlfriend in the world-- but then she was-- it was all gone. One second to another. And--” She bit her tongue to stop herself from spilling more information. “I don’t know. I guess I just needed a fresh start.”

Morgan watched Frankie closely. There was a lot more bubbling under her surface than she was letting on. It was almost funny--how could she be so surprised at seeing someone so lost and weighted down, holding onto so much hope. Hadn’t she been that way before she died? She’d had to set down her positivity torch now and then over the years, but never her hope. Even in her last human moments, looking into Deirdre’s eyes, she’d had the hope of one more breath, one more second looking at her, one more chance to make the words come. And then she’d died, and all that hope she’d clinged to seemed foolish and out of reach. She wondered how long Frankie would be able to hang onto hers, and whether it was better to warn her of how much strain there was to follow her or to let her do her best as she would, give her a reason to keep trying. It was disorienting, not to know for sure. Two months ago, she would have. “Come on, Frankie. Summer on campus isn’t complete without at least a run to the coffee shop. You should at least get a nice preview of the maybe-future.” She lead Frankie down one of the quiet side entrances and down the stairs to one of the student cafes. “It’s hard, when your life falls apart, and you lose everything you were leaning on. It takes a lot of strength, and a lot of hope to pick yourself up again after something like that. And it takes time, starting over. So maybe you’ll be here in the fall instead, or even the spring.” She guided them towards the line, shorter now than it was during normal school time. “How’s your fresh start been going for you anyway? You’re not at the traveler’s rest are you?”

Hope. It was definitely something Frankie seemed to be clutching onto lately. Even after almost a year had passed since her girlfriend had disappeared overnight, she never stopped believing that she was out there, somewhere, waiting for her. When she had moved to a tiny town a thousand miles away from home, she had hopes that things would be alright, and she ended up meeting a caring vampire that treated her like a daughter. And if she had been right about such a big things like that, how could she believe this time would be different? The teen followed the woman, silently listening to her as they made their way to the cafeteria, the arms around herself not loosening, and her sight still digging the floor beneath her feet. “I just... can’t sit idle and pretend everything is okay.” It felt weird opening up to a complete stranger, but it also felt good, in a way. If there was something like daddy issues but with mothers, then Frankie definitely had those, and every time an older woman showed the slightest compassion, it was like a faucet had been turned on. “I’ve always wanted to go to college and-- I know I can wait, I have all the time in the world and all that but-- I just need this one thing.” Frankie finally looked up, and the emotion on her face could only be described as tired. “Just one thing going for me, to remind myself that… I’m still me, you know? That despite everything that happened and is, uhm, happening, I’m still the same Frankie from seventh grade that wants to teach tiny humans what colors are.” A shaky breath made its way through her parted lips, and she looked at the menu, mostly to avert her sight since she already knew what she wanted. “It’s been alright, just a bit… bumpy I guess. I live with this guy who’s actually pretty nice.”

It hurt to hear words Morgan had clung to for so much of her sad mortal life coming out of this girl, practically a kid still. I need this, I just want this one thing, I don’t want much, I just need to make this one thing work and then it’ll be okay. “Hey,” she said, bending down and around to catch a better glimpse of Frankie’s face. “I do know, actually. A lot. I know how hard it is, and how tired you must be.” There was a sadness of understanding behind her warm expression and soft voice. The world was so cruel to children--had it always been this way? Was there any explanation good enough to explain why Frankie had to carry what she did? Morgan at least had her reason, even a partial one, and it didn’t feel worth shit. “You are still you, Frankie. There’s no disaster or suffering that can take that away unless you really let it. You’re still here. That’s not an easy thing to hold onto, but you are. And,” her smile turned kind and knowing, opening the door to let the details Frankie’s past stay untouched if she preferred to. “It sounds like you’re navigating town alright. So, know what you want?”

Frankie’s eyes began to sting, and she had to bite her tongue to push down the urge to just start wailing in front of the professor. It was in that moment that she decided she would do whatever it took to take her class “You’re right, professor.” Not having her grandmother and mother with her also took a toll. From one day to another she had been named captain of a ship sailing through the angry ocean, and there was no one to guide her. But Morgan was right - she had to hold on tight to the rudder and continue navigating. Eyes finally locked on the woman’s, a weak smile forming on her face, followed by the tiniest nod. The fact that there wasn’t aura around her only made her easier to approach, easier to feel comfortable around her. Graham’s words about not all vampires being nice ringed in her head, but so far every single undead she had met had been nothing but nice to her. “I guess it’s hard to… not lose perspective. I know I’m still me, but… I don’t always feel that way.” Especially when there were werewolves and vampires and who knew what else slowly taking over her life. “Vanilla latte.” Frankie scrambled to take her wallet. “Please let me pay for you. It’s the least I can do to thank you.”

“Okay, enough ‘professor’ talk,” Morgan said. “Morgan is good, at least for outside of class. And I know that feeling too. When you’re in the sad pit, it’s hard to see anything straight, even yourself. But that doesn’t mean you stop trying. You always have to try, Frankie. And as far as I know, you’ve got a whole lot of life ahead of you and a whole mess of good things to reach for.” She held the girl’s gaze a moment, smiling with all the warmth and bravery she had within her. She felt a bitter pull to straighten herself up, to be as good and as strong as people seemed to think she was. She grasped for whatever piece of that she really had. She didn’t want Frankie to know how she still found herself struck paralysed and numb by the nothing-feeling of the sun on her skin, even with Felix’s magic pills. Or how bitterly and pointlessly her mortal life had ended. That it hadn’t mattered what hope she placed into the universe or how many times she had pulled herself up. She wanted to signal some kind of validation for her hope. She seemed like a good kid, and maybe it was selfish, but Morgan wanted to believe that some girl would have it fairer, better. She reached out and squeezed Frankie’s shoulder, lightly in a way she had now practiced often. The student in front of them stepped aside to the pickup counter and Morgan gave the vanilla latte order.

“Anything else?” The cashier asked.

“Nope!” Morgan said, swiping her card. “Sorry,” she said, smirking at Frankie. “I hope you don’t mind the trick, but I can’t have anything here anyways. And you don’t seem the type to take a little gift easy.”

It felt nice having a grown up reassuring that, at least in theory, things would be okay. The cold hand on her shoulder only confirmed what she had already known: Morgan was definitely not human and almost definitely a vampire, but then again, they had just walked in broad daylight like nothing, so could there be different types of them? She lost herself in that thought for a moment, not realizing what Morgan had done until it was too late. Frankie just stared at the woman fool her, dumbfoundedly pointing at the cashier with one finger before turning it to the professor. And she just stared for a couple seconds until it clicked, before erupting in laughter, covering his mouth with the hand holding the wallet, tears quickly forming on the corner of her eyes as she continued laughing. It was such a small thing, and there was no way in heaven Morgan knew what she had just done, but her grandma used to do the same little trick on her when they were young and she tried to use her allowance money to buy both of them an ice cream. Without meaning to, Morgan had made her feel more Frankie than she had since she had arrived in town. “Thank you.” She just said as the laughter died in chipper resignation but determined to pay her back in the future, and then wiped the corner of her eyes before shoving all her stuff back in her backpack. If she was thanking her for the memories or for the coffee, even Frankie wasn’t sure. Perhaps both. “I’ll let it go if you tell me more about your class.” Coffee in hand, the teen motioned to an empty table, a smile on her face, before she started bombing her with questions.

[shyeehaw]

RDR - Awkward s/o

Request: Can you write some headcanons with Sean, Arthur, Kieran, Lenny, Javier, John, Charles and Dutch (hope that's not too much lol) having an awkward s/o?

Sean

Before meeting him, you thought no one would ever get you.

You were used to sympathy giggles, but Sean? He actually finds you funny!

And if you start laughing at inappropriate times, guess who will join you?

Also, sometimes you will just panic and start to giggle. Without any reason to.

“Y/N, when was the last time you made a donation to the box?”, Ms. Grimshaw asks.

And then you giggle, trying to hide it only makes it worse.

So Sean will save you, with his smoothness.

“Ms. Grimshaw! I was forgetting to give me share, but yer reminder is always on time! Let me tell ya how I got this and-“

There was this unspoken rule that everyone seemed to know about, but you.

It’s like at birth they got a book called “things not to do” and memorized it... You? You didn’t even know there was a book until it was too late.

Sean was not bothered by how you always seemed to have a quirky subject to talk about.

Or if your compliments sounded way weirder than they intended to.

“You have nice hands.”, you said once, admiring how slim and long were his fingers, but not actually explaining what made you think of that.

Karen snorted and even Uncle was puzzled by your weird ways.

But not Sean, he just gave you the biggest smile, happy to have anything complimented.

“Thanks! so do you, Y/N.”

You two make a pretty funny duo, you may say something awkward and Sean will turn into a joke.

And once he starts oversharing, telling the story of his life and mentioning his “da”, you do too!

Happy to have someone that will actually listen this time.

Arthur

“What a handsome man...”, you thought once you laid eyes on him.

That same night, around the fire, Arthur came to talk to you.

“It’s nice to meet you! I’m Y/N”, you said offering your hand for a handshake.

“I know... I was here last week remember?”, he said, laughing a bit.

“Oh! Yes! Right! I was only joking...”, you said, convincing a total amount of 0 (zero!) people.

But Arthur did not gave up on you, not on that occasion or in the many others that you were probably astonishing him with your oddness.

People may call you awkward, but to Arthur the things you do are unique.

And he loves your uniqueness.

It’s intriguing to him how differently you react than others.

He is a worried boyfriend, always protecting you from people’s mean reactions.

Won’t admit anyone making fun of you. And honestly? People will take one look at his frown and know better.

He will try to save the conversation when you ask him to help with your eyes.

In fact, you two now share a whole dialogue just with glances, it’s pretty handy.

You asked him to stop you before you can embarrass yourself.

But his soft spot for you makes it so hard to do so.

Kieran

It all started by observing Kieran, like a lion does to it’s prey.

You would watch him trying to bond with others and, usually, being unable to say the right things...

Ss you watched him do that, only one thought crossed your mind. “Yup! That’s me! I gotta talk to him!”

You would sit beside him and attempt to start a conversation.

“Hi, I’ve noticed you are uncomfortable around them...”, you said, looking for any response.

Getting none but a bug-eyed expression, you added: “I am too!”

Ever since you two started being a thing, it was much easier to say things without the fear of being judged.

Kieran even got a little bit more confident.

Together, you two make a pretty awkward couple, but at least you are not alone anymore.

Lenny

Lenny almost makes you forget about your social ineptitude.

You feel so insecure about it that you rarely try to interact with others and when you do...

You always end up saying the wrong things.

But Lenny doesn’t mind, he finds it cute even.

He will give you a confidence boost by saying that if people don’t get you is their loss

When you get stuck on your thoughts, brooding over why did you say such weird things, Lenny will gently bring you back to the present.

“They’ll probably forget about it, Y/N. It was not that bad.”

He has this magical way of always being able to comfort you.

Most of all, Lenny accepts you from who you are

Javier

You never know when people expect you to hug them or not.

So after a long trip, when Javier arrived at camp and waved, you got up and went for a big hug.

It’s safe to say he was not expecting it, given that you two only talked a few times.

When someone waves at you, it’s not expected to greet them back?

“I had no idea they were a thing.”, you heard Tilly whispering to Mary-Beth.

Oh no. What have you done?

But it was such a spontaneous hug, Javier didn’t mind. He was actually glad to be greeted like that.

You have no idea how, but it seemed that he actually liked you.

He said the first thing he noticed about you was your... odd fashion sense.

Javier admires you for your originality, you have no shame on being your weird self. He loves that.

Somehow, he asked you in a date. A fishing trip as an excuse to get out of camp. Just the two of you.

That means a lot of time alone, and much time to embarrassing things to happen.

Like falling in the water. Good thing you know how to laugh at yourself.

Well, it was not a date exactly, you found it out later. When you filled the silence with a kiss and he had a surprised look on his face.

“You are wild Y/N, I love that about you.”

He will shower you with compliments.

And how is one supposed to answer to that?

“Your smile, mi amor, és hermoso”

“I... uh. Thanks? I like to smile, so I’m glad you... like it?”

Ugh, way to ruin the mood.

But he founds it adorable, in fact, your guess is that he does that on purpose, just to see you all worked up about it.

His compliments are genuine, so after the initial awkwardness of receiving it, you feel pretty good about it.

John

John has that tough way of his, but deep down he is so head over heels about you. That tiny detail doesn’t bother him.

It seems like every time he’s around, embarrassing things are prone to happen.

That might be because you are nervous when John is watching you, which only leads to disastrous comments by you.

You thought it would be a good idea to tell him a joke, and oh god, he was so invested in it.

Halfway through you realized you didn’t know how it ended. No big deal, right? You just make up a new ending.

You could tell that his smile was forced, but you appreciated the effort.

“Look, Y/N, I ain’t gonna lie, you are very odd.”, he said, causing you to abandon all hope, “But I like you. Very much.”

It was the most sincere declaration, there was no walking around the fact that you were a bit of a social disaster.

Being in a relationship with John, took him time to get used to your weird conversation topics.

Like the time you helped Pearson chop vegetables, and he thanked you.

You were about to say “no problem” but it got mixed with “you’re welcome”.

It came out as “your problem”, you could swear you saw John shaking his head from where he was standing.

He loves you still, even when you say things that get him embarrassed on your behalf.

Charles

There are no awkward silences with Charles.

You know he appreciates not having small talks, so you don’t feel compelled to fill the silence with nonsense.

It’s much easier when the other person is not expecting to talk all the time. 

Charles is so calm and nice with you it almost makes you act like that as well. Almost. 

There’s no changing you from your clumsiness.

When you two were hunting together, Charles saved you from falling flat on your face after you tripped into a root. It could have been romantic if you hadn’t ruined the moment by commenting on how that always happened to you.

“No, not the part of being saved! That never happened before! I mean, why can’t I just walk without tripping on things? I’m sorry, I’m being a chatterbox, right? I’ve seen you talking to Uncle and I know you don't-“

“Y/N, it’s fine. I’m just glad you are alright.”

“I am... thanks to you.”, you said, measuring your words for once.

Charles has this thing which makes him like the role of protector. So a clumsy s/o is a perfect fit. 

He is not bothered at all by your peculiar interactions with others. 

Charles doesn’t feel the need to connect with the others. So if you find it embarrassing, he probably doesn’t think much of it, assuring you it’s fine.

You don’t mind getting teased, but you do hope people think twice before doing it in front of him.

He likes you for you, and awkwardness won’t change that.

Dutch

He is the closest thing you get of a “boss”.

So, of course, he makes you nervous!

When asked to come to his tent and listen about a job, you are unable to concentrate.

You have to remind yourself to maintain eye contact, or else you might seem rude.

“Get that, Y/N? It’s an easy in and out situation. No hostages.”

You nod, trying to recall a word he said before that.

“I’m terribly sorry Dutch. But I was trying to look you in the eye, and I focused so much in that... I didn’t heard a word you said.”

He appears surprised at first, probably no one dared to be this upfront with him before.

“Well, you do have nice eyes, Y/N”

INSTANT BLUSH!

You two orbit around each other, sharing glances that leave your legs feeling like butter.

You can’t describe how embarrassed you were when Dutch went to give you a hug and you offered a handshake.

He just laughed it off and asked what it would be.

It was such a simple gesture and yet made you feel much better.

He is a charmer, so he never fails to give you compliments.

“You look good today”

“Nice! Thanks!”

Let’s just establish that compliments make your awkwardness go through the roof. Like, what are you supposed to do?

Dating you is thrilling. At any time you can say something weird.

He admires how you don’t seem to have a filter, you just say whatever it feels right.

And honesty is a very important topic for Dutch.

Setting up a whole mood and taking you to Saint Denis on a date, Dutch professes his love for you.

It was too unexpected, a wave of feelings got ahold of you.

“I think I love you too”, was the only thing that you were able to say.

“You think?”, he said, raising his brow, “Then I’ll have to make you sure of it.”

It’s no secret that he loves to dance, his phonograph it’s the second thing he cherishes the most.

And you hate that damned thing because you have two left feet.

Your moves lack grace, and you can feel everyone looking at your poor excuse of a dance.

But it’s so worth it, to slowly sway along him.

He loves to dance with you, even if it means bruised feet the day after.

[walkerismychoice]

Stripped Bare - Chapter 13 (Bryce X MC AU)

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Bryce X MC (Charlie Hawkins)

Summary: Charlie decides to skip one of the group events before attending the beach party, and she prepares Bryce to meet some important guests

Rating: Mature/18+  It starts heading towards NSFW, but not quite there yet

Word Count: 2666

Charlie's alarm goes off at yet another ungodly hour for "vacation." She's so ready to take Katelyn's itinerary and tell her where to shove it. Bryce is still sound asleep, and the poor guy needs it. She hesitates to wake him, but then his eyes open up, and she doesn't have to.

"Good morning." Charlie smiles warmly.

Bryce rubs the sleep out of his eyes "Is it? I feel like death. I typically don't drink that much and never get that drunk. I apologize for whatever I may have said or done."

"So you don't remember?" Charlie inquires.

"Not much," Bryce admits. "I recall trying to keep up with Bob while you were torturing me with talk about the other strippers. And then I think you helped me back here. I promised you a strip show, but the last thing I remember is not so gracefully landing on the floor."

"Then I’m guessing you don’t remember calling yourself pretty?" Charlie asks, testing him to see if he’ll remember the rest.

Bryce chuckles. “Nope, but that doesn’t surprise me too much. That’s something I would say sober.”

Maybe he really doesn’t remember, but that might be for the best. "I know. You are so modest. You should really work on your self esteem,” She teases and they both laugh.

"Ugh," Bryce rolls over to his side and stretches. "I really don't want to get out of bed."

That's saying something coming from Bryce who is usually up before the the crack of dawn to workout. She looks him over again and gets an idea. "Then let's not get out of bed."

"Huh?" Bryce asks, clearly confused. "What about golf?"

Charlie shrugs. "Golf is just another one of those boring, rich people sports, right? The only thing fun about it is driving around in a golf cart and drinking beer."

"And I’m in no shape to be getting near alcohol this morning. But are you sure? What about Katelyn?"

"Psshhh, what's she going to do, kick me out of the bridal party? I could only hope."

Bryce laughs. "You have a point. Well in that case, let’s go back to sleep. Come here.” He holds his arms out wide.

For once, Charlie doesn’t think, she doesn’t hesitate, she just nestles into his arms and rests her head on his chest, and there’s no other place she’d rather be.

~~~

When Charlie wakes again, she’s not sure how much time has passed, but the sun is much higher in the sky. She tilts her head up to peer at Bryce who is already bright-eyed.

“How long have you been awake?”

“Awhile.” Bryce sweeps a strand of hair off of her face. 

“Sorry for holding you hostage. You could have woken me.”

Bryce shrugs. “There are worse places to be.”

The soft way he looks at her, Charlie can’t help herself. She’s falling so fast. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Mostly, but I do have a bit of headache...and I’m starving.” Bryce clutches his stomach for effect.

Charlie springs up. “Why don’t I order us some room service? But first..." She retrieves some Advil and a glass of water from the other room. "...take these."

"Yes doctor." Bryce smirks and takes the pills from her. "I kind of like it when you boss me around."

Charlie shakes her head. "I'm just taking care of you like you did for me."

Bryce smiles earnestly this time. "I like that too."

He's giving her that look again that makes her melt. The one that makes her want to fall into his arms forever and run away scared at the same time. "I think there's a room service menu on the counter, I'll go get it."

It’s close to lunchtime but they are still serving breakfast, so Charlie orders an assortment of waffles, pancakes and other breakfast foods while Bryce hops in the shower. Charlie makes some coffee and the food arrives just as Bryce emerges from the bathroom in his bathrobe.

“What’s the occasion?” Charlie motions towards Bryce and his robe. “Aren’t your pecs suffocating in there?”

“I told you it’s okay to admit you want to see me naked.”

“That’s not- It’s just-” Dammit. She thought she was finally over being flustered by him but apparently not. “You just haven’t worn that yet.”

“I wasn’t kidding when I said we could sit on the balcony in our matching robes drinking coffee. And you already have yours on,” Bryce points out.

Charlie looks down as she had almost forgotten she threw her robe over her pajamas to answer the door for room service. “You are such a dork...but the weather is beautiful today. Help me bring the food out.”

There’s way too much food, but that seems to be no issue for Bryce who scarfs down three quarters of it.

“How do you eat like that and still look like you do?” Charlie marvels at Bryce.

“Why do you think I work out all the time? I like food too much to restrict what I eat.”  Bryce pats his stomach with a look of contentment on his face. 

Charlie glances at the time her phone. “I don’t think you’re going to have time now to get in a workout today.”

“That’s okay, I don’t think one day off will kill me. But you never know, maybe I’ll get in a workout with you tonight.” Bryce quirks his eyebrows in a manner that suggests he’s not talking about hitting up the gym.

Charlie doesn’t know how to respond to that without embarrassing herself, so she doesn’t and changes the subject completely. “So...my parents are flying in this afternoon. I should probably prepare you for that.”

Bryce waves her off. “I’m not too worried. Parents love me.”

“You haven’t met my parents. They have a very narrow view of what success is and what’s good enough for their daughter.”

“An internal medicine physician with a surgeon...I think that would fit most people’s definition of an extremely successful couple.”

“You’d think.” Charlie sighs. Even if Bryce really was a surgeon, it still wouldn’t be enough. “When you’re a CEO of a top Fortune 500 company making $30 million a year, $200,000 a year seems like pocket change. Sorry, I don’t normally like to throw the numbers out there like that.”

“It’s fine,” Bryce assures here. "It’s all public knowledge anyway. I did my research. So do you agree with your parents?”

“I mean...” Charlie tries to concisely formulate her thoughts into words. “I was obviously determined to become a doctor and make it on my own because it’s my passion, but growing up around all that wealth...There is a part of me that bought into it. Andrew was the type of guy I was supposed to marry - born and raised in country clubs and prep school, hedge fund manager on pace to eclipse my father’s salary. But I’m finally realizing he never treated me like I deserved. He saw me for who he wanted me to be, and not who I really am.”

Bryce reaches across the table and places his hand on hers. “I know I haven’t known you long, but I can see who you are, and you are pretty damn amazing, Charlie. Not because you have money, or because you are going to be a doctor, but because you are smart, funny, and you have a great heart...just to name a few things”

Charlie looks down shyly, not used to such praise. “That’s sweet of you to say, but like you said, you haven’t known me that long.”

“Look at me, Charlie.” Despite her desire to do anything but, she meets his gaze. “All those things are true, I can tell. And you deserve to hear it more.” Bryce rubs soothing circles with his thumb over her skin, and she somehow feels both comforted and flushed at the same time.

“Thank you.” Charlie finally breaks the charged silence between them. “What about your parents and your upbringing? I feel like I hardly know anything about you.”

“That’s because you aren’t meeting my parents tonight.” Bryce dodges the question, and she recalls the way he shut down when they were getting to know each other on the plane.

“Maybe I just want to get to know you better too,” she tries, hoping that’s enough to get him to open up more.

Bryce gives a halfhearted smile. ”I know your parents might not have been perfect, but they were there. They’ve had hopes and dreams for you, even if they don’t match what you want for yourself. That’s a whole hell of a lot more than I can say for mine. I really don’t want to get into everything right now, but I’ll just say that once I left home for college, I never looked back.”

There’s a lot to unpack, and so many questions, but Charlie will take this explanation for now. Bryce seems so happy and self-assured, she’d never have guessed he’d had a hard time in life. He mentioned college, but with his career now, maybe things didn’t turn out as planned or there’s more that he’s not saying, but she’s not going to push him yet.

“Well you don’t seem to need me to tell you this, but despite whatever you’ve been through, you’ve turned out pretty amazing yourself.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot.” Bryce chuckles and Charlie can’t help but laugh herself. “...But in all seriousness, it means a lot more coming from you, so thank you.”

They are sharing this incredible moment and she feels compelled to jump in his lap and kiss him senseless, but she’s still afraid to initiate just yet, and something seems to be holding him back too. It must be getting late anyway. Charlie checks the time on her phone again, and sure enough, they need to get ready to go unless they are going to miss another event. “We probably should head to the beach party soon.”

Bryce sighs. “I suppose I can’t less you miss out on any more because of me.”

“Hey, it was just as much me as you, and I’m sure we had a much better time here than we would have there. But I don’t think I’ll ever hear the end of it if we miss this too. At least this should be fun.”

“I can’t believe we’ve been in a tropical paradise for four days, and we are just now getting to the beach.” Bryce stands up from his chair and holds out his hand to help Charlie up. “Let’s do this.”

~~~

Charlie and Bryce make their way to the private, roped-off area of the beach. There’s a DJ playing upbeat music, a food tent, and a full bar set-up just for Katelyn and Landry’s guests.

“Excessive as usual, but I’m not complaining.” Bryce admits as he pops a jerk shrimp crostini in his mouth.

Charlie surveys the area and finds Katelyn standing by the bar. “I should probably make my presence known so she can mark me present on her mental attendance sheet.”

“Charlie...,” Katelyn drawls as she looks her over in the judgmental way she always does. “It’s so nice of you to finally join us. Was someone too hungover to participate this morning?”

“Actually, yes.” Bryce jumps in. “That someone was me. Charlie was really conflicted about not making it, but I was in rough shape. I’m feeling much better now though, thank you.”

Katelyn scoffs, likely frustrated she can’t blame it on Charlie. “Well, we have a lot of guests coming in at various times today. We’ll be hanging around here until it’s time to get ready for the group dinner this evening, so mingle with the other guests and whatnot. Remember the dinner starts promptly at 7, so be there by 6 for cocktails.”

Charlie forces a smile. “Will do.” She turns towards the water and Bryce follows. They find a nice open spot and spread their towels on the sand. 

Bryce immediately pulls the bottle of sunscreen out the beach bag. “I assume you’ll need help with this again.”

“Sure.” Charlie lifts off her swimsuit cover-up without worry or hesitation, revealing her army green triangle push-up top with matching bikini bottoms. This time she’s excited for Bryce’s reaction, and he does not disappoint.

His mouth agape as his eyes roam over her body, he moves around behind Charlie and leans in close as he rubs the lotion over he shoulders. “You are so sexy, Charlie. It’s not fair that we don’t get to be alone until later tonight.”

Despite the heat from the sun reflecting of the sandy beach, goosebumps form across her skin. She doesn't know how to respond to that, but she doubts Bryce would expect her to, so she let's him complete the job in silence. He rubs his hands thoroughly all down her back, Charlie closing her eyes and relishing the contrasting feel of his smooth fingertips and calloused palms on her body.

When it comes time for her to return the favor, she's much less timid than just two days before. She applies firm pressure with her fingertips, working out the bit of tension in his shoulders and takes the time to commit his contours to memory. She smirks as her fingers creep outward on his lower back, and she can't resist squeezing the ticklish flesh on his sides.

Bryce yelps and twists away from her, and the devilish look on his face tells her she's in trouble. "That's it. You asked for it." Before she can make sense of what's happening, Bryce scoops her up and throws her over his shoulder, jogging towards the water.

"Hey! Put me down!" She demands, attempting to sound authoritative yet giggling at the same time. She tries to slither out of his grasp, but she knows her resistance is futile.

"Oh, don't worry. I fully intend on putting you down...just not yet." Bryce slows his pace, clearly enjoying prolonging Charlie's impending doom. He wades out until he's almost chest deep and then he gingerly tosses her into the waves as if she weighs nothing.

Charlie sinks under the surface and then shoots back up with a vengeance. "You're going down, Lahela!" She lunges at Bryce with all her might, wrapping her arms around his neck and legs around his waist, shifting her weight to try pull him off balance. As luck would have it, a brutal wave comes at that very moment, knocking him off his feet, and he takes her down with him.

Bryce shakes the water from his hair as they resurface, both of them clinging to one another with no intention of letting go. He sweeps her curls off out of her eyes, moving his hand to cup her cheek. His intense gaze never falters, and it draws her in like she has no will of her own. Bryce delicately traces his thumb over her lips, making his intention known.

There's no interruptions this time, no excuse to back down, and Charlie doesn't want to fight it anymore. In an instant she crushes her mouth to his, Bryce returning the kiss with with equal fervor. Lips part, tongues collide, and hands explore. Charlie gently tugs the hair at the nape of Bryce's neck, moaning as his hands glide over her ass, up her sides, and to her breasts.

"Hey, Charlie! Bryce!" A familiar voice calls from the shore, and Charlie pushes away embarrassed, suddenly remembering there are other people around. She turns toward Kyra, who shakes her head and laughs. "If you two can take a break from sucking face for a few minutes, your presence is requested at the volleyball court.

"Umm, okay, be there in a minute," Charlie replies sheepishly before turning back to Bryce. "Well...uh, at least we put on a convincing show."

"Yep, I am totally convinced." Bryce pulls her in for one last kiss, smiling against her lips before they part and rejoin the group on land.

[ahiddenpath]

Digimon Adventure Tri Stage Play Reaction

Guys, this is not an analysis: this is my feels and obnoxious comments while viewing the stage play.  My initial goal was to use these notes to make an analysis, but they’re too funny/stupid/wow to hide from the world.  I typed these notes in real time, stopping the play whenever I had a thought.  It’s the closest I can get to having you watch me watch the stage play without using videos.  I will write an actual meaningful post soon, but for now, have a confused and jumpy/unpolished blob of feels.

The other thing I want to say is that I didn’t edit this after I wrote it, except for surface editing (grammar, spelling) and clarifications (mostly adding more names).  So if I formed an impression at some point, that’s what I really thought in that moment; I didn’t go back and change it.

That said: this will completely and totally spoil the stage play.  SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!  Read on below the cut (if you dare; it’s almost 4K words long and full of images).

Hidden’s Digimon Adventure Tri Stage Play Reaction

I am immediately not buying that Mimi wouldn't want to camp in the bungalow.  Isn't this the kid that went to Tokyo Tower instead of patrolling Tokyo because the tower has AC?  I guarantee she'd whine an hour in about wanting the bungalow, but wouldn't allow Koushiro to point out that she made this choice for all of them x__x

 Did Mimi just... just throw the laptop?  How bratty can you get?  I... wow, I really hope they don’t treat my Mimi so poorly the whole play.

From Sora's speech, I can see that nostalgia will be a major theme here, which, to be fair, is appropriate, lol!  Nostalgia is pretty much why we’re here.

TAICHI! It’s so good to see you get your big bro on again, lol???  Hikari:  "I'm not a kid who needs to wait for you to walk home with me."

 Taichi: "What?  Why not?  WHAT'S WRONG?!  CONFIDE IN ME!"  He’s so aggressive and clumsy about it, lol??

Taichi:  "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A STUBBORN BLOCKHEAD."

Jyou, amiably: "You, of course! Wait-"  I'm like 15 minutes in and I have already decided that Jyou is my favorite (not surprising lol).

Jyou:  "YOU ARE IN DANGER, TAICHI.  I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU STUDY."  Oh lord, Jyou is bashing Taichi with the stone of foreboding. Is Jyou okay?  Is he quite sane?  He isn't, is he.  Do you see that gleam in his eye?  No, no. He is gone and gone indeed.  Jyou’s actor is A+++

Annnnnnd oh hey, it's Yamyams doin' jamjams!  I can dig that bass, is he actually playing?  Oh hey, he's gonna sing for real, he's-  Oh my god, stop!  ABORT! He's terrible, hahahaha?!?!?!  IT BURRRRNSSS!!!  

OH MY GOD HIS BAND HATES THE BAND NAME AND THEY'RE SPEAKING TO HIM IN FRENCH WHAT IS THIS

Wait wow what is this weird ass vibe between the bros?  Teeks is accusing Yams of not visiting...  Did Yamato have that habit to start with?  Hmm...

So Takeru says, "I don't want to see us go our different ways."  I've mentioned it over and over, but this feeling is so important to me.  It's something I want to write an entire fic around.  On the one hand, it's such an easy topic, given the subject material. On the other, it's where my brain keeps going.  So... Let's see what happens!

Also:  Takeru:  "Stay hidden, Patamon!" *puts Patamon on his head and skips offstage* Takeru, sigh...

OH SHIT IT'S ETEMON, saying Taichiiiiihehehehe like a creep ass creeper.  He done got beef, too.

Annnnd we cut to everyone reacting because Mimi has no supplies (did you all not bring any?). What I like here, though, is that Jyou can at least talk to her without getting shut down.  Poor Kou-chan -__-

Koushiro: "We're amateurs, is there anything we should watch out for?"  OH I DUNNO, MAYBE ETEMON IN A HAT AND A VEST god damn I know this is supposed to be funny, but they all look like idiots- 

Koushiro: "That old man had a feminine way of speaking"  Says the dude being portrayed by a male actor FOR THE FIRST TIME-

Koushiro: "Taichi-san, you're the closest thing to a caveman we have-"  Ah, bless.

(At this point, my husband is pointing out while playing Destiny that the puppeteers do really good digimon voices, and I'm explaining that the digimon voices are pre-recorded, lol).

ANNNNND Mimi is whining for supplies that she forbade people to bring.  I am shocked.

Jyou is talking about how he wants to help digimon by being a doctor, by saving and protecting, and my heart is growing three sizes.  Best Chosen, y'all.

But oof, the atmosphere got so heavy...  Why do these kids refuse to talk about what they want to do???  Jyou remains refreshing.  Also, I'm just noticing how Koushiro turns his entire body around every single time towards whoever is talking?  He leans in, too.  It's both cute and unexpected (I would expect much more reserved body language, but I get that this is a play and that's what you do).

HAH!  Only Jyou can see the shooting star because he's the only one with his shit together!  I love that, lol!  (Also, is that really Tailmon's voice actress?  Hmm...)

NO, ETEMON HAS KOU-CHAN, BAD TOUCH, BAD TOUCH although really it's painful that we're still pretending they can't recognize Etemon.

Koushiro can't read the room...  Well, at least that's familiar, lol!

(At this point, my husband is asking what I think, and I'm stuttering over how annoyed I am at the ‘not-recognizing-Etemon’ gag.  My husband is laughing at me and saying I'm at a loss for words. Thanks, love.)

HOLY SHIT did Hikari and Mimi just use the tired "scary stories" trope to bring up the Dark Ocean? I'll give 'em points for that.  I AM INTRIGUED, let's go!!!  Oh.  Oh, they broke it off.  They're not doing anything with it.  That's... sigh.  Thanks, guys. (Caterpillar Sleeping Bag Mimi is cute AF tho).

Hmm, right now I'm thinking that Mimi's actress is so lovely and so lively and really feels like Mimi, but...  I also can't stand how they wrote her so far.  Throwing Koushiro's computer, talking over him, not allowing him to point out when she's contradicting herself, immediately requesting the supplies she forbade people to bring...  This stuff annoyed me in Adventure, but she was 10 and in a situation I would have strongly struggled to handle.  But now she's literally...  Making problems for everyone...  For nostalgia's sake...  At age 16? I'm so torn, lol, because the acting is so good but ahhhhh...  Let's see how this develops...

Hmm hmm, I'm listening to Sora talk about how she doesn't wanna grow up, either... Darling, you're already quite grown up, lol!  Lovely lady. I love how the digimon puppeteers echo their puppets, I can't get enough of watching Agumon's puppet and performer while Sora speaks.  They really did a great job!

I think I'm about an hour into this, maybe a little less?  45 minutes?  So far all that's really happened is that we've established that the characters want to be together as Chosen Children, and that with the exception of Jyou, they aren't emotionally or mentally prepared to seriously think of a future beyond that.  I'll be the first to say that this a compelling and interesting topic, and it's something I've wondered about for them, but...  Shouldn't... more things... have happened by now?  Hmm...  I understood that this would be an issue from Sora's very first bit of dialogue.  No one in the audience needs this much expansion and repetition, particularly with so few new ideas and so little momentum so far.  Tri is intended as a love letter for fans of Adventure, yes?  Mostly adult fans?  We don’t need this much repetition to understand, we truly don’t...

Ah!  Now Yamato is talking about Jyou and how to become an adult, finally dropping some new ideas in.  Love ya, Yams.  And ahh, man, Taichi is just... screaming all of his lines?  The actor is so sweet and cute, but the delivery...  I'm pretty sure it's supposed to reflect that Taichi is putting up fronts like nobody's bidness, though.  Yamato ain't buyin' it (Yamato is Almost Best).  I really want him to grunt, "Tell the truth or shut up." XD XD  GRUNT GRUNT.

 Augh, god, I can't take this tho?  Literally EVERY TIME someone tries to say something that will move the plot forward or inject some vulnerability into this play (except for Papa Jyou), they change the subject.  I'm about halfway through now and this has to be at least the 10th time we've been blocked from useful information and deeper thoughts with this method.  Tri suffers from this same issue, though...  Their plot is such that they can’t sustain tension if issues are faced in a natural way, so they CHANGE THE SUBJECT or DROP A LEAD or IGNORE A LEAD, etc, etc.  Here it's mostly saying, "Well what about you?" or screaming someone else's name, which...  Subtle???  Ah, Taichi's latest method of not saying anything is to ask Yamato to play his harmonica...  Oh my god, he's playing Walk on the Edge!  Okay, okay, you got me, stage play.  Hahaha, I remember Yams being better at playing a harmonica, tho!!!!  (I keep picking on this poor dude who is asked to do all of the awesome shit Yams can do, sorry my dude).

Taichi:  Should we sleep?

Yamato:  Let's talk some more.

Taichi: (shit!  fuck!  He remembered I'm dodging-)  YES BECAUSE HE ISN'T AN IDIOT EXCEPT WHEN ETEMON IS ONSTAGE OMG SOMEONE HELP ME-

Ahhh, and they fade out...  With no forward movement.  THANKS.  I mean we established mood, touched on Taichi/Yamato’s relationship, and set up the problems that will be address later (I assume), but...  It’s so drawn out...  

And now Koushiro is drawing on the ground with a stick, bless you, are you trying to compute something? Sigh...  Ah, bless, Tentomon is intervening, haha! 

But...  As right as Ten-chan is, he's also... Wrong? XD  DON'T TELL YOUR FORWARD MOVEMENT MACHINE TO POWER DOWN!!!  Annnnd yes!  We're an hour in and SOMETHING IS HAPPENING!  I am so ready for something to happen. (Tony: "Can we handle the stimulation, though?")

Oh god, the kids freaking out over their partners acting weird, Gabumon's stage hand collapsing... God, right in the feels, I'm almost mad about how easy it is to get an emotional response this way, lol!  We just love our babies too much, lol!

Wow, Yamato lost it at Kou-chan...  You know, we think of Taichi as carrying a lot of pressure (and rightfully so), but Koushiro carries just as much, as we saw in Kokuhaku.  He's not magic, Yams, he needs his tools, and he doesn't have 'em. Related:  Although I don't much care for how it happened, I definitely would love to read/write/see a story where Koushiro has no computer and has to adapt, though.  I'd also love to see one where a new tech wizard appears and he questions his role, but that's a whole' nother thing.

EWW OH MY GOD DON'T UNDRESS ETEMON MIMI WHAT THE HELL, bleeeeehhhhhhh...  Oh god, he thought his outfit was obvious...  Well, you see Etemon, somewhere in the last 6 years, the kids completely lost their ability to read situations x__x  (I get that this is a joke, I really do?  But???)

 Oh huh, so they're claiming Etemon wandered the Dark Ocean for 100 years?  Didn't he...  Come back in Adventure as MetalEtemon?  Is he referencing his second defeat?  ?????

OH GOD POWER RANGER ETEMON WHAT IS HAPPENING.  Haha it's kind of cute that he's like, "Eh I don't know these two (Hikari and Tailmon).  I don't think Metaletemon saw them?  But honestly I don't remember.  I think he was around Jyou and Mimi mostly?

Wait shit are we seriously doing the actual conflict part WITHOUT JYOU AND GOMAMON?  I am so mad right now.  I kind of feel like they'll burst in at some point???  I hope...

...Etemon has a song and dance number.  I am rolling on the floor in pain with the Chosen.  I'm doing it, guruguru mawaru-  No, NO, YOU PUT TAICHI DOWN-  Goddamit how many bad touch jokes do I have to make-

 OH THANK GOD, is Jyou coming back?  THANK YOU DIGI JESUS!  (Tony: "Wait is your favorite back? Did he leave?  It sounded like he wandered off and now he's wandering back in again."

Gomamon: "YOU'RE BEING GROSS JYOU" honey, oh child, you ain't seen nothing yet.  Oh bless him, he's so happy, can we just watch Jyou bounce around in joy please and no more singing power ranger monkeys?  I take back my complaints about nothing happening, haaaaaaaaaaaalp me Senpaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiii

Oh lord Etemon's back WHELP.  Oh shit, oh shit that Obon joke, THAT'S THE BEST JOKE IN THIS PLAY, isn’t it?  We can't beat that.  Should I... leave?

Taichi, in Etemon's gross ass digital Wonder Land:  "What's wrong, Hikari?"  WHAT'S WRONG?!  WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE-

(My husband has informed me that I'm growling.  He tells me that, when we were watching Gravity Falls and Mabel tries to tempt Dipper and the others to stay in the perfect imaginary world Bill made for her, I said, "What is she, Satan?  Tempting them to stay here in comfort instead of facing danger to save everyone?"  This is a similar scenario, and it's one of the few things I didn't like about Gravity Falls and OH NO, TAICHI IS THE MABEL OF THIS SITUATION, HELP!!!!  Oh thank goodness, Taichi's done with this too, whew, okay, okay, breathe, stop growling).

Oh God, the Agumon puppet looks dead without the puppeteer, that's actually really awful? These puppets are amazing, guys.  I cannot say enough good stuff about the execution with these puppets.

Hmm, Taichi just begged for mercy, and Etemon is unimpressed...  Reminds me of the fandom after Saikai.  I wonder where they'll take this...

HOLY SHIT Taichi is losing his shit!  I won't say that all of that stammering and dodging earlier is accounted for here, since most of the characters did it to some degree, but it's nice to see the payoff within the same piece (instead of waiting months for the next Tri film and forming your own conclusions in that time period).  I'm actually happy to see a screaming breakdown like this...

Man Koushiro speaks SO QUICKLY, dude, slow it down!!!  Ahhh, he says that we're granted whatever we want here, so Etemon is probably trying to trick us by having us hear Jyou.  SOMEONE IS THINKING USING THEIR BRAINSSS I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!

JYOU IS HEREEEE TO SAVE THE DAAAAAAYYY THE NEW DIGI JESUS, JYOUUUUUU!!!  (And while I 100% agree that you should be cautious, Kou-chan, c'mon, he arrived saying that you made his phone go off on the train and it made him feel awkward, that's pretty much proof that it's Jyou, lol!).  OH AND NOW KOU AND YAMS ARE ROASTING JYOU, classic.

Koushiro finally takes a stab directly at the heart of this...  It's not even about being children and avoiding adulthood; it's about not wanting to leave August 1st.  I realize exposition is Kou's job, but I didn't expect him to be the one to lay it out after all of this dodging.  I’ll be honest, I’m so pleased with Koushiro in this stage play so far?  I love how he moves, I love how quickly he speaks, I love that he’s able to come out and say this.  I wasn’t into the way the play used him spouting off numbers to indicate intelligence, but that’s a nitpick compared to the ground they gave Koushiro here.  

JYOU.  JYOU.  EVEN IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, KOUSHIRO, I BELIEVE IN YOU.  He continues to be THE BEST, I am in awe, I bow before Jyou.

OH MAN is Jyou gonna work his awkward magic on Yams?  Where's my freakin' popcorn.  Oh, well, hell.  Yama said he... doesn't wanna talk.  *rubs forehead*  Great. Entertaining.  THIS IS FUN I AM HAVING FUN *curls up and cries*

Okay so now Taichi is freaking out and Koushiro is trying to talk to him (roughly 70% of this stage play is someone trying and failing to talk to someone else).  But I really like what Taichi says here- "I have nothing to hesitate about." We all know this isn't true; Taichi is hesitating all over the place right now.  Let's see where this goes!  (Please let it go somewhere this time, lord above).  WAIT- WAIT-  ARE YOU SHOWING ME KOUSHIRO POINTING FINGERS AT TAICHI'S BULLSHIT AND SAYING "I'VE BEEN BY YOUR SIDE FOR SIX YEARS!!" AND THEN CUTTING AWAY?!?!??!?!?!?!?  RAAAAAAAHHHH is this an aneurysm?  I think this is what an aneurysm feels like.  You can't drop lines that good and then CUT AWAY FROM IT GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN-

Sigh, tsk, groan. Hikari, Teeks.  Whacho got for me?  Whoa, I swear Takeru has been a second away from sobbing ever since Etemon revealed himself.  You... you okay, buddy?  Can I, uh, get you anything?  I love how much Hikari has her shit together in contrast.  Oh, and Takeru is about to say something usefu- ohhh, another cut. God, I have a headache.

Hmm, Sora and Meems are cracking, too...  Sora says, "It was simpler when I was everyone's mom.  It's not like me to decide on someone or something."  I really need to hear Mulan's Reflections in the background right now...

Mimi saying "I want to do SO many things!" is refreshing my soul.  I know she's one of the most shippable Chosen, but honestly, if not for the fact that she has a kid that is clearly biologically hers, I would assume that she's too busy doing EVERYTHING to have a family.  My headache recedes just a touch.

Hmm...  I actually really like what Sulky (Yams) is trying to say here.  "I don't want to be with everyone because I'm Chosen.  I want to be with Gabumon because he's my friend," basically.  Part of me sides with Jyou- dude we all get that, it's not a shameful secret- but another part of me...  Deeply appreciates that Yams can separate his duty as a Chosen from his bond with his digimon.  Gabumon is his best friend, his number one.  It doesn't matter if Gabumon can't fight, if Yamato can never digivolve him again. It doesn't even matter that he's a digimon.  It just matters that they're friends, and that they be together somehow, which may seem a more tenuous position by the day.  ...Now I'm sad.  Well played, stage play.  This moment is wonderful.

...Annnnnnd now Yamato is overacting to hell, and I'm laughing instead of thinking and feeling, was that supposed to happen?  Sigh. I still don't understand why he has to be SO SECRETIVE about it, but I mean...  That's our Yams??? 

And now we're back to Kou and Taichi, and they're pulling at each other's throats, as they will, and honestly this is the only "NOW KISS" moment for me, but where was I-

In all seriousness, I really like that the person to finally, FINALLY get the truth from Taichi is Koushiro.  That's how it often was in Adventure too, yes?  But I almost feel like Taichi's breakdown here is a reflection of what fans said in Saikai.  Taichi in Adventure always took action (although he grew so much during Adventure, I'd argue the version of himself he's referencing now wasn't there by the end of Adventure?). He can't fight in Saikai because he's concerned about hurting people/property/the tenuous relationship between humans and digimon.  He can't take action...  But the ability to see that is an indication of growth, not regression.  Will he understand that here?  

Ok god, Agu-chan is dropping some truth bombs...  And the way he and his puppeteer crawl...  I swear these goddamm puppets will be the death of me.

Agu-chan, can you do me a solid and STAMP THIS ALL OVER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE KIDS PLEASE AND THANK YOU?!

HOLY SHIT IS THAT A METALGRAYMON PUPPET?!  THEY HAD THAT SHIT ALL ALONG AND THEY BRING IT OUT WITH 20 MINUTES LEFT?!  WHAT WOT WOOOOT?!??!  I cannot believe I'm seeing this.  And I love how heavy and cumbersome the huge puppet feels.  Like, I always felt like Metalgreymon would be huge and slow, right?

Etemon, I was done with your shit a LONG time ago...

WAIT he is admitting that he was Metaletemon previously. So... when... exactly did he fall into the Dark Ocean?  Sigh. This is one of those "Let it go, Hidden" things, isn't it.  Uh, wow, I am totally unfamiliar with Kingetemon.  That's... a... thing.  

The use of screens and images in the stage play are really fun!  It must have been awesome to see this show in person O__o;;

OH SHIT, Yamato arrives in a cloud of smoke, that's how you KNOW shit is gonna go down!

OH MY GOD OMEGAMON ONLY GETS A HEAD OH MY GOD I'M DYING (Tony:  "HEY do you know how big that thing's supposed to be?!)

KOUSHIRO IS WEARING THE GOGGLES I'm down.  HIDDEN IS DOWN!  REVIEWER DOWN!!!!

HOLY SHIT JYOU'S "A" ON HIS MOCK TEST WASN'T REAL okay this is also a Good Joke, I applaud. Also I am LOVING sassy Koushiro in this? His way of being sassy is to do it in a way where you're not quite sure if he is trying to be a butt or not, which is 10000000% yes lol (In contrast, Izzy is intentionally awful usually lol).

Annnnd I was right from the start; Jyou is carrying this entire thing, lol.  Oh my god, the delivery on this?!?!??!  AMAZING.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. LAUGHTER.  THEME SONG.  DRAMATIC POSE.  I THINK THIS IS THE END SHOT YOU GUYS.

 Now the actors are coming out to speak!

THIS.  LITTLE.  SHIT. I love him?  I...  I love him. The snark is strong in this one. I... he is so... so beautiful.  I...  I think I might be in love?  (This at least indicates that I wasn’t alone in thinking the computer toss was too much???).

YAMATO’S ACTOR JUST SAID "DON'T SAY GOODBYE," Well played, son.  I like the cut of your jib.

 AHHHHH OKAY OKAY I have no idea how I’m going to analyze this.  My surface thought is that this play features a lot of the emotions and inner thoughts of individual characters that can’t fit into Tri, and that (I personally think) Tri suffers from a lack of.  Because there isn’t really ship bait and maneuvering around a new character and plot, we’re able to see relationships that feel much more familiar to Adventure than we often see in Tri (ie, Taichi worried about Hikari, Koushiro worried about Taichi, etc).  As you noticed, I’m very unhappy with the way the play pushes the payoff back as far as possible, cramming it into an AMAZING twenty minutes or so...  But I loved those twenty minutes.

Also, Koushiro feels waaaay more like Koushiro than he does in Tri, except for Kokuhaku.  As your local insane Koushiro fan girl, I am standing and applauding and screaming and crying.  NO PERVY KOUSHIRO.  NO FASHION DISASTERS.  Just Koushiro being supportive and apt and sweet and trying so hard.  I am refreshed.  I am younger.

And the passion and love and energy that went into us, so visibly in human form...  I can’t describe how wonderful the actors and the puppeteers were.  And even though I kind of hated Etemon, his actor was incredible.

So the stage play has amazing points and really irritating points, but on the whole, it’s my second favorite thing Tri has given us (following Kokuhaku).  I will try to write about it more smart-like soon!  If you got this far...  I’m in awe, lol!  High five, my friend!

[texanredrose]

Celebrity Matchmaker (Part 1)

Okay, so, first off: just in case anyone’s in the television business or interested in that field or... basically anything of the sort, let me say this now. The framework of this story is centered around a reality television show, and it would be an absolutely terrible idea to make this a real thing. And amoral. And it would make you an asshole. I’m an asshole for coming up with it. Don’t be that asshole who tries to make this a real thing. Seriously. Don’t. I will pull a Liam Neeson in a fucking heartbeat.

Next, this is a bit... different than what I normally write. Romantic relationships are tagged a bit differently than usual and you’ll soon see why; there are a few segments where it’s Weiss in one-on-one situations with other characters, so they’re tagged according to pairing. However, the overall focus of the fic is Weiss, Blake, Pyrrha, and Yang, so that’s also tagged. It more makes sense the further into the story you go.

Finally, the story is complete (thank God) and will post every day, same time, until done. Nine parts in all.

@moonwatcher13, hope you enjoy this ridiculousness, and thank you for the suggestion to begin with.

Part 1 (here) / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8

Weiss took a deep breath, trying to convince herself it was a calming gesture despite the myriad of thoughts rattling around in her brain. In just a few moments, they would be live, on air for the season finale of Celebrity Matchmaker, and while it meant she was one step closer to being free... it also meant she was one step closer to being married. She still couldn't believe her father had backed her into this corner but it would all be over soon. The moment the cameras stopped rolling, she would be a free woman... assuming, of course, her fiance didn't have some secret pact with the man.

Which, honestly, she doubted, to the point the thought was actually quite amusing. Of the three finalists vying for her affections, none seemed the type to put up with her father's overbearing, manipulative antics for long, and at least two would be more likely to bodily remove him from the premises than tolerate his behavior. Perhaps all three, which was a comforting thought.

Suddenly, the show's host beside her straightened, bringing Weiss' attention to the man standing behind the camera doing a silent countdown until they were live, the audience in the stands behind him falling quiet as everything came down to the next hour- counting commercial breaks, of course- where her fate would be decided.

As if that wasn’t nerve wracking enough, making such a difficult choice, she had to do so in front of an on-location audience and all of Remnant watching in real time.

Wonderful.

"Welcome, Remnant, to the live finale of Celebrity Matchmaker!" The woman beside her gave a charismatic smile towards the camera and audience, waiting for the applause and hollering to die down before continuing. "I'm your host for this season, Coco Adel, and, as I'm sure we're all aware, the Romantic Lead from Season Two!" For a moment, the woman's professionalism slipped, smile stretching wider as pure joy shone through. "I'm happy to announce that Velvet is doing just fine, she's happy to hear I'll be coming home soon, and, with any luck, this season's Romantic Lead will find just as much happiness in less than an hour’s time. Everyone, put your hands together for Miss- soon to be Missus- Weiss Schnee!"

Reacting to her cue, she flashed a dazzling smile towards the audience. At the onset of the season- some sixteen weeks ago- the running theory was that, as an award nominated actress with more wins under her belt than some twice her age, her smiles were largely faked for the sake of the audience. Frankly, it wasn't entirely untrue; she wasn't a fan of being forced into the situation and the first few weeks suffering a battery of meeting twenty different suitors was nearly a nightmare for someone who preferred the solitude of her study whenever she wasn't filming. However, that changed, especially in recent weeks.

"So, tell us, Weiss- are you excited?" Coco turned those sharp brown eyes her way, naturally turning her body slightly so the shot felt organic. Although a fashion designed by trade, the woman had an innate understanding of aesthetic that transferred surprisingly well to the small screen. In part, it’s what made her such a compelling lead for the previous season of the show and Weiss had to admit an admiration for the woman’s professionalism. "It's finally the big night."

"Excited is one way of putting it, but I'm also nervous," she replied, and it was such a well scripted response that most probably wouldn't be able to tell she was being entirely sincere. The only people who’d stand a chance at deducing such weren’t on set... yet. "I mean, I've spent sixteen weeks here in the manor, getting to know everyone. It's certainly been an experience."

That was putting things lightly. Aside from scheduled 'downtime' for candid footage, every week held some sort of challenge, some new obstacle for her aspiring candidates to overcome and improve their chances of making it to the next week. They ranged from personal trivia to physical challenges, all to impress either her or the audience watching at home. At first, the constant parading exhausted her, but as the contestants' numbers fell, she began to enjoy some of the interactions. When they dwindled further, it turned into a majority... which didn't exactly bode well for her.

"That's right, sixteen weeks narrowing it down from twenty people all vying for your affections, and now we have three finalists left." Coco turned back towards the camera, the audience beyond cheering at the progress made. "We'll introduce them in a second, but first! Please welcome back to the Celebrity Matchmaker Manor the seventeen who didn't make the cut."

As the eliminated contestants paraded themselves by the audience and the cameras, taking their seats a little ways off, Weiss allowed her mind to drift. It seemed ridiculous that she'd spent four months inside the spacious manor behind them, living alongside these women, but truth was stranger than fiction, it seemed. They ranged across the board, from television stars, sports athletes, artists, and even a few online celebrities, and it certainly helped broaden her horizons on a few fronts. However, she learned most from and about the three finalists preparing for their big introductions, and it took a conscious effort not to start fussing over her dress.

It looked nice enough, for a modern spin on the wedding dress. Less overtly formal but still holding a few lingering touches- the whole design courtesy of the fashion designer hosting this season, of course. Pure white, with lace and pearls, but slimming and lacking a veil; the whole premise of the show was for her to marry whoever she- and Remnant- chose out of the twenty contestants, of course, so it stood to reason the finale should be shot with her wearing something resembling a wedding dress. But, it certainly did nothing to soothe her nerves, hidden beneath a pleasant smile only by years of conditioning.

If someone had told her at the beginning that she would be anxious over the outcome of tonight, she'd have laughed in their face and spent the next twenty minutes belittling everything from their intelligence to their cuticles. Because, honestly, how could anyone expect to find a suitable, long term partner in a mere sixteen weeks? Weiss had grown up in the cold Schnee mansion, well adjusted to how any 'marriage' was likely to end up, but that didn't mean she wanted to subject herself to that misery. Given personal experience, she'd either drink herself into an early grave or become a self-obsessed control freak. She'd dated- briefly- but only because it served her image and there was an unspoken understanding between her and whoever that neither expected anything further from it than a way to remain relevant during the breaks between projects. She wasn't looking for anything 'serious' and she would tolerate nothing more than the show they put on for the paparazzi.

But... time had a funny way of weaving loneliness through her heart. She was only twenty-five, yet having started her career at the tender age of eight, and it started to take its toll on her in a strange way. Being isolated from her father while doing this stupid show, getting that extra degree of separation she so desperately needed... it granted her perspective, and it didn't hurt that she'd met some truly remarkable individuals while here. Weiss had worked especially hard- and proven herself exceptionally clever- by undermining her father's initial pitch of pitting her against nineteen others for the affections of one man and instead billing herself as the Romantic Lead for the season, inviting twenty women to try and catch her fancy. It checked all the boxes the producers wanted: a twist right out of the gate, seeing as most of the public thought she was heterosexual, and she had a history of being demanding and exacting to work with nevermind woo, and add to all that her generally superb showwomanship when it came to public spectacles? An obvious slam dunk.

Had everything worked out as she'd envisioned, walking away from that first planning meeting nearly a year ago, this finale would be the culmination of sixteen boring weeks, where she would pick some poor, unsuspecting fool, and, having engineered a way for Remnant to immediately veto her decision, prevented the hassle of a marriage and subsequent divorce. The other option was to simply ignore their existence until they did the work for her. Or for the rest of their lives- really, she didn't put much stock in the show's premise or love at all, and thus foresaw no possibly complications.

And the Maidens had seen fit to make a fool of her for her arrogance.

"Now Weiss!" Her attention snapped back to the moment as Coco turned towards her. "It's time to bring out your three finalists. Are you ready?"

No, not at all, not in a million years. "Absolutely."

"Excellent! Then let's bring out the first of our lovely finalists." The host turned, motioning towards the far side of the invisible stage. "Everyone, let's give a big hand for Blake Belladonna, author of several highly acclaimed series from Menagerie!"

Weiss turned her gaze- the cameras were going to be on her no matter what, cutting to and away for whatever reaction shots she offered, and it was nearly impossible to keep her smile from growing wider as she watched the Faunus step out into the spotlight, raven locks flowing behind her as she gave the crowd a subdued little wave. She wore a flattering black tuxedo, tailored to fit her slender frame, with subtle hints of purple to bring out her amber eyes and a black bow tie with a white center knot. It didn't surprise Weiss in the least that the Faunus would dress for the part so closely, looking exactly like someone who belonged on an alter would, though perhaps with a bit more flair than necessary.

On the screens above them- for the benefit of the live audience- and playing on the screens all over Remnant, they showed a montage of the time spent getting to know Blake over the past sixteen weeks. It didn't matter what was shown to the audiences, though, because the moment that pushed itself to the forefront of her mind was one that happened when there weren't any cameras rolling, just the two of them sharing a few minutes with only the stars as an audience.

And some horses.

The cool night air rustled the leaves overhead, the big oak tree the only thing to obscure the stars above. It promised to be excellent weather tomorrow, perfect filming conditions for their hours spent on horseback, the beasts calmly grazing in the field beside the manor. They'd been there since shooting began as part of the manor's aesthetic, because horses were somehow entwined with romantic gestures in a way that Weiss had never truly understood but accepted all the same. Thankfully, she could ride, unlike some of the contestants vying for her affections, so she could skip the rudimentary lessons that had filled the previous days. That had left her open for filming other scenes, talking head portions where she delved into her thoughts and opinions on those who remained.

Perhaps she'd underestimated just how exhausting the whole exercise would be. She'd always had strong feelings and opinions, the majority of which were set in stone and refusing to be swayed, and this held true in regards to relationships of all types. Either she found value or benefit in maintaining contact or she didn't; some were begrudgingly kept due to her line of work and others forgotten at the first possible convenience. She didn't need sixteen weeks- or even the eight that had passed- to reject the vast majority of the contestants, but the framework of the show relied on her eliminating them slowly, one-by-one or two-by-two depending, and explaining her reasoning for doing so well enough that Remnant didn't feel the need to 'correct' her every week.

"Lien for your thoughts?"

Weiss blinked, turning her head to notice the person striding through the ankle high grass to reach the wooden fence she leaned against, the night air teasing her long raven locks. "Good evening, Blake. What brings you out here?"

"Well, I sometimes like getting a breath of fresh air, believe it or not." The Faunus' expression faltered slightly, the cat ears atop her head twitching nervously. "But tonight, I wanted to... check on you. During dinner, it seemed like your thoughts were elsewhere."

"That's kind of you," she said, as a means of buying herself time. For the first few weeks, she honestly though the contemplative author would remove herself from the competition; Blake preferred books and quiet, which made living in the manor, surrounded by generally loud and boisterous others, quite the trial. She had a bit of a stubborn streak though and, after their first real interaction- where they learned about each other's careers and argued about some inane dispute for a solid thirty minutes before coming to a compromise- the two hit it off rather well. Weiss didn't think it was enough to motivate the Faunus to persevere through the weeks, yet here they stood, side-by-side halfway through the show’s run. "I'm fine, though."

Blake hummed, leaning against the fence and looking across the field. "I find that hard to believe."

"Do I truly strike you as being upset right now?" She couldn't help the slight sarcasm infecting her tone, the corner of her lip tugging into a small smirk. "If I recall correctly, your depictions of the same tend to veer more towards the... dramatic side."

"So you did read Of Maidens and Maidens." The Faunus turned her head slightly, trying to hide the blush staining her cheeks. Despite being one of the most popular romance novelists in Remnant, Blake could still be so shy when discussing her work. At first, Weiss thought it a show for the interviews and book tours, a persona she adopted to make her more risque work a little easier to talk about in polite conversation, but no. Somehow, despite her fame, the Faunus remained a tad anxious about her work, discussing it and accepting praise for it only haltingly. It was actually rather cute.

Naturally, it seemed best to exploit that curious little detail to derail the conversation as best she could. "It's an excellent book. Honestly, I'm a little mad at myself for not reading it sooner." She shifted, lightly bumping their shoulders together. "You're a very talented author, Blake."

"Th- thank you." A surprised chuckle escaped the Faunus' lips, clearly caught off guard by the compliment. It was one of the things she liked about Blake; although projecting an air of mystery at the onset of their acquaintanceship, really, the author was just easily flustered, far more prone to wearing her heart on her sleeve than perhaps she'd like, constantly covering up her emotions when she could. She didn't have a very good poker face though and, when properly incensed, she could be more passionate than anyone else Weiss had met. Honestly, she found the Faunus charming in that sense; for all her layers and facets, Blake Belladonna was nothing less than genuine in her words and actions. "But, you know, there's a difference between fiction and reality. I might be good at one but the other..."

The movie star remained silent, hoping to avoid the conversation. It seemed the most reasonable course of action to take. Her negative view of the show- and her romantic prospects in general- had conditioned her to expect a single outcome from the whole endeavor, and she'd thought it was just that simple. Reality proved her wrong, however, because against her own judgment, she found herself buying into the ridiculous premise, this concept that romance could be cultivated between people shortly after meeting, that having the eyes of the world on them somehow didn't cheapen or falsify the whole ordeal. Slowly, she was beginning to fall into... an infatuation with a few of the contestants, and Blake could count herself among that small number. The fact Weiss was actually buying into the whole thing got driven home hard just a few hours before, when they were filming a one-on-one segment together.

"Weiss, please." She glanced to the side, noting how far the Faunus' ears had fallen, those amber eyes practically glowing with contrition. "Let me explain."

"You don't have to make excuses for me." The movie star sighed, keeping her gaze trained on one of the horses- a big, beautiful bay gelding with a dark mane, grazing idly nearby. Were it not for a pure white mare standing off a little ways, she'd think the producers would be daft enough to try having her sit him, hoping the size and color would enhance her within each shot. For someone with less experience, it would be a recipe for disaster, but they would be thankfully avoiding that headache altogether. "You're free to do, or not do, whatever you wish. You said yourself that this is more about the publicity and 'research' than anything else."

It stung, bringing up that conversation from their first week on set. They'd managed to earn a reprieve from the camera crews and Blake had confided that she honestly saw the show as a good excuse to get back into dating after back-to-back book tours rather than to get married. Plus, even a romance writer needed new material, and gathering such a varied group of people together with the specific intent of televising romantic overtures- it certainly provided a wide variety of inspiration, to say the least. At the time, Weiss appreciated her candor, and figured she could at least count the Faunus among those she could keep around to save her from some of the... overzealous contestants.

Yet, she'd grown rather fond of the author despite that stated disinterest in the show's actual goal. How her ears enhanced every expression, how easily she blushed, how relentless she could be when impassioned- the list grew every day of little things that Blake did that made her want to smile or laugh, and it culminated that afternoon when they were filming that segment together. The Faunus said something and they'd both laughed, completely at ease despite the camera crew surrounding them. Then she'd turned, suddenly becoming caught in dazzling amber eyes, the look on Blake's face causing her heart to stutter. They'd both leaned in to kiss, acting on instinct- to the show's credit, nothing was rehearsed, no second takes outside of the personal asides- and she thought... well, differently than the Faunus, it seemed, who snapped back before they'd actually made contact.

Weiss did her best to recover, faking a sneeze and thanking Blake for drawing back when she did before wrapping up that segment as quickly as possible. She would offer some sort of excuse tomorrow morning during the talking head portion, deflecting any speculation that the author might not be as committed to the show to preserve the suspension of disbelief as best she could. Viewers wanted to see her wooed by interested parties, after all, and she wouldn't cause problems for the Faunus if she could help it.

"That was weeks ago. Am I not allowed to change my mind?" Blake shifted beside her, voice steady despite the thread of unease in it. "Just because I didn't come here with the express intention of falling in love with you doesn't mean I've... well..." The falter caught the movie star off guard, turning her head to look at the Faunus, whose ears were laying back and practically melting into her raven mane while a brilliant flush lit up her cheeks. "You took me by surprise in a lot of ways, Weiss. The longer I'm here, the more I find myself going back through everything I've written, every passing thought I've jot down for inspiration."

"I... thought you coming here was for inspiration." A stall tactic to buy herself time; perhaps it was a little unfair, seeing how hard her companion struggled to find the right words, but she couldn't help it. She'd fallen for getting her hopes up once today and Weiss Schnee didn't do third takes.

"Inspiration for future books, yes. But I need a different sort of inspiration now," she replied, turning those amber eyes upon her as she somehow mustered up her courage. "Like I said, there's a difference between fiction and reality. In fiction, I could buy myself time, pick the right moment, ensure every aspect is just perfect to set the scene, but real life doesn't give me that. I have to think in real time and, what happened today, that was the result of me realizing it wasn't the right time." Blake moved, turning to face her fully, and she stood up a little straighter in response, no longer leaning on the fence. "I want to kiss you, but I didn't want to do it in front of the cameras."

"In the eyes of Remnant, it doesn't count if they don't see it,"she said softly, maintaining her composure as best she could while ignoring the rapid beating of her heart.

"It's not for Remnant." Blake stepped closer, tilting her head to indicate she could very well bend down and kiss her then and there, but she waited for some sign. "That's exactly why I didn't want our first kiss to be on camera. If I'm... if I'm at least in the running- if I have a chance, I want to kiss you." She lifted a hand, reaching forward to lightly cup Weiss' cheek. "I want to kiss you for you, so that you know how I feel. All the others, I don't care who sees those, but I thought our first kiss should be between us. Just us."

Weiss tilted her chin up, silently begging for the Faunus to follow through with her words while reaching forward herself. In one hand, she took Blake's unoccupied one, bringing it to rest on her hip and following her arm up so she could clutch the author's shoulder. She placed her other hand on Blake's hip, allowing the hand on her cheek to guide her closer, eyes falling half lidded as the space between them lessened. "You aren't going to get a better opportunity than this."

"Then I won't squander it."

Her eyes closed, relishing the small amount of surprise when lips pressed against hers, insistent but gentle. She thought that might be all- an innocent kiss, out beneath the stars- but soon the author began kneading their lips together, showing the barest hints of a hidden passion that Weiss found herself matching without a second thought, lifting up on her toes ever so slightly to negate the Faunus' height advantage somewhat. Their hands moved, seeking firmer holds as the embrace wore on, until they broke away, both a little breathless. When she opened her eyes, she saw Blake, a little smile on her lips and a brilliant flush reaching nearly to her human ears, the feline ones standing tall and proud as her eyes shone. In that moment, she fell even more in love with Blake Belladonna than before.

"For the record," she said, trying and failing to hide the smile brought out by the earnest happiness she could see looking back at her. "I think that was better than the book."

They both laughed, exchanging a few more kisses beside the pasture before heading inside, hand-in-hand until they reached the manor.

[bananagator]

On Josuke and Rohan’s Relationship

I love the tension between these two.  One of the things I find interesting, however, is that they both hate each other but still make the choice to risk their lives for each other.  The arc of their relationship is fascinating.  Now obviously Rohan on his part has plenty of reasons to hate Josuke, one being that Josuke hospitalized him for a month.  Except when I rewatched some DiU, I think it’s a little more complicated than that.

But even before that, Rohan was really interested in Josuke.  He spent three whole months not knowing anyone else had powers like he did.  Josuke was one of those people in Koichi’s memories that Rohan found to be inspirational material for his manga.  Rohan was even somewhat impressed that Josuke could withstand his pen attacks in their initial encounter.  It stands to reason that Rohan would resent Josuke for wrecking his house and beating the shit out of him, though.

Except that’s not entirely the case.  After Rohan recovers from his initial shock at being pummeled into his own bookcase and then crushed by said bookcase, how does he react? He wants to know MORE about Josuke.  He wants to know his Backstory.  Then when he hears Koichi tell Okuyasu the story, he’s moved almost to the verge of tears.

Relatable tbh.

He says he’s happy.  I love the slight ambiguity here, too.  This is literally like that ‘they’d punch me and I’d say thanks’ meme.  Because of Josuke he gets to...  experience getting the absolute shit beaten outta him.  The fact that he practically squeals in terror mere moments after showing a warped sense of gratitude for the ‘experience,’ is hysterical. 

writing college essays be like.  ok but honestly this one kinda makes me a little sad because of reasons.  It speaks to how desperately Rohan wanted to be able to create stories that people would read.  He’s afraid of failure.

He’s probably more referring to the experience of getting to learn all those cool things about Stand users and being inspired to write for his manga than getting beaten up and crushed by his own bookcase, but it’s still funny.  It’s also ironic bcuz out of everyone in DiU, Rohan is probably one of the unluckiest dudes I have ever seen.  bruh....  I absolutely love that Rohan is deeply invested emotionally into certain aspects of Josuke’s life, without liking him as a person.  I know ppl have joked that Rohan has probably portrayed Josuke-type characters as villains in his manga, but I firmly believe that, whether or not Rohan would admit it, he’s inspired by Josuke’s life to make compelling stories, as well.

So how do we get to the essential roots of Rohan and Josuke’s mutual hatred? I will grant you, Rohan being hospitalized for a month would have given him time to calm down from his obsessed high and start to resent Josuke for hindering his ability to work on his manga via injury and breaking all his stuff.  The trade-off is that a whole new world of inspiration opens up to him and also inadvertently leads to Rohan developing his Stand’s abilities further (click here for my meta on the growth of Heaven’s Door).  Even though that doesn’t balance out the degree to which he got his ass kicked, I still don’t think the hospitalization is the real reason for their tension, or rather I should say, not all of the reason.

Ultimately, I think that Josuke and Rohan’s personalities simply mix poorly.  Josuke is terrible at telling lies and is prone to feeling immensely guilty when he thinks he’s suspected of wrong-doing.  Rohan is a highly paranoid, distrustful person by nature and hates being humiliated due to his pridefulness (which... reminds of Kira actually, but that’s another subject entirely).  Coupled with the fact that many of Josuke’s ideas tend to go very, very wrong, it’s a recipe for disaster.  This is highlighted in their gambling match.

Rohan can sense Josuke is trying to screw him over, and he fixates on it, to a point that he doesn’t even care about his house burning down in the moment.  Why? Because Rohan’s pride is at stake.  Not only that Josuke heals him even though Rohan was unable to figure out the secret, which damages his pride even further.  It’s only following the events of this that Rohan passive-aggressively tells Josuke he’s upset about his stuff getting destroyed.

This is critical groundwork for the Highway Star incident.  Josuke is burning with guilt at what he did to Rohan.  Josuke is a poor high school student who wishes he had more money, but he certainly didn’t expect or want things to escalate as far as they did.  Rohan resents Josuke for the humiliation.  I think it's worth noting that Rohan says he was holding back anger towards Josuke for Mr. Joestar’s and Koichi’s sake (not that I feel he did a very good job of it, but he did at least try, the implication being that Rohan has started to show more awareness of others’ feelings, even though he still has difficulty dealing with people socially).

What upsets me is that Rohan is very intent on capturing Kira and worries about potential victims, but Josuke doesn’t realize this about Rohan, who does a lot of behind the scenes work.  The last time they really interacted was when Rohan almost killed Josuke’s friends.  Aside from that Josuke sees Rohan being a jerk to some random kid (Janken Boy).  His attempt to invite Rohan to sit at the table with his friends is interesting given that Josuke openly admits to Joseph a little later that he dislikes Rohan.  He’s probably just going through the motions of politeness since he doesn’t look terribly thrilled about asking Rohan to talk with them.  Koichi no doubt told the others everything that happened in the Ghost Alley, but even Koichi is like, ‘Don’t trust him too much, he’s pretty sketchy.’

Rohan was desperately trying to warn Josuke about the illusion in the tunnel.  He deeply cares about what happens to people.  This is evident in Janken Boy, and I think its placement in the story is very important in showing how Rohan’s character has started to really evolve.  I will fight you on this.  Josuke, who has no reason to trust Rohan and is immensely guilt-ridden about cheating and inadvertently leading to... over 7 million yen in damages to the guy’s house, lashes out at Rohan.  There’s mutual distrust going on.

Rohan is angered that a guy who was blatantly humiliating and attempting to rob him would dare to consider him a liar.  It’s understandable but so ironic.  Rohan is actually a pretty honest person.  When it comes to serious situations or his feelings about people, he's almost always upfront to a point of rudeness.  Yet it’s this same abrasive personality that makes him seem so untrustworthy to others in DiU.  Over and over, Rohan tries to help in his own way and warn the others of danger, but he gets shut down.  He still tries anyway. 

When Rohan is struggling against Highway Star, he’s clearly relieved and shocked Josuke came back.  The main difference between this situation and Koichi saving him is that Josuke doesn’t get to see Rohan’s reaction.  What I love about Rohan is that, like Josuke, he is not the type who abandons others, even if he doesn’t know or like them.  You could call it his sense of pride/ego, or a strong-willed conviction, or an incessant need to be an arrogant dick, but the simple fact is that he refuses to betray Josuke and is fully prepared to die fighting alone.  Rohan warns him to stay away, and he’s angry that Josuke fell into the trap because of the stubborn contrariness that Rohan hates so much (I have meta on this, but another time).

Meanwhile this is the first time Josuke has ever witnessed Rohan being a decent human being.  He’s so thrown off that Rohan would choose to sacrifice his life, but he vows to save Rohan no matter what.  And previously, Josuke has almost always referred to Rohan in a rude form of address (not usually to his face directly but I like that this goes both ways), but that changes in this arc. 

The thing that really kills me is, at the end of the day, Josuke genuinely tries to apologize to Rohan.  He’s realized that Rohan is more than an asshole.  He was telling the truth and sacrificed himself to protect Josuke.  Rohan having the social skills of a walnut refuses to let Josuke finish apologizing.  I really want Josuke and Rohan to reconcile, but I can also understand that it will take a LOT more for them to be on good terms.  I wouldn’t want to just hug it out with a guy whose fool-ass tried to rob and humiliate me, especially when you consider Josuke went to such great lengths to cheat too (though I personally feel like his being able to break into Rohan’s house to switch the dice seems more of a convenient plot device but shh). 

I think there’s many reasons why Rohan doesn’t want to hear Josuke’s apology, one being that he doesn’t want to be indebted to Josuke (and he makes it clear he doesn’t consider it as such because he hasn’t forgiven Josuke for all the shitty things he did prior to this incident), because he’s unable to read Josuke’s behavior and has trouble taking kindness at face value, because he’s still bitter that Josuke healed him without his approval from before, etc.  However, I think the fact that Rohan calls Josuke an idiot indicates he does care in his own way.  Josuke’s refusal to listen put his life in danger, too, and Rohan was trying to prevent that because it would’ve meant they’d both get killed.  Rohan does not like Josuke as a person, but he shows concern about him, and the opposite is also true.  Much as they try to avoid dealing with each other, they are forced to cooperate by circumstance, and I like that.

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

Blog in which Anne Hathaway is a Giant Tree Monster (AKA: Secret-Diary Reviews ‘Colossal’).

Right. Righty. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I recently watched the film Colossal, and I have a lot of thoughts about it. It’s very important that you sit down, shut up and hear all of them.

My initial reaction to Colossal can be summed up as “yeah: that was a fun way to spend 1 hour and 50 minutes.” It’s funny in a low-key, quirky kind of way and the protagonist (Gloria- played by Anne Hathaway) is likeable and relatably fucked-up enough that it’s easy to care about her. Oh, and there’s giant monsters in it, which is always nice. It’s a good film- there’s no denying that. If you want a fun way to squander some time that will make you feel vaguely intelligent by association (because its an indie thing rather than typical block-buster fare), then go ahead and knock yourself out: this is the film for you.

However, the more I think about Colossal, the more off it feels. It’s like someone put all the elements of a good film together, but not necessarily in the right order.

OK. Before I can review it, I need to spoil it completely. Sorry. If you already know the plot, just feel free to skip this paragraph. It’s basically just a synopsis. Gloria (once again, played by Anne Hathaway) is an alocholic, out-of-work writer who gets kicked out by her boyfriend and returns to her hometown, ostensibly to rethink her like but, in reality, to get shitfaced on a nightly basis. While doing that, she reconnects with an old friend from childhood (I can’t remember his name, so we’ll just call him Neckbeard), whose behaviour seems slightly creepy and manipulative from the get-go. While Neckbeard is situating himself as Gloria’s patron-slash-enabler, Gloria herself discovers that, when she stumbles home drunk through a particular part of town, a giant tree monster materialises in Seoul in Korea and mimics her movements. She lets Neckbeard in on the secret and inadvertantly kills hundreds of people in the process. Neckbeard discovers that when he enters that bit of town, a giant robot shows up in Seoul and mimics his movements. Gloria tries to stop him making the giant robot appear in case someone gets hurt and his behaviour escalates from slightly offputting to abusive and violent. Oh, and he makes his giant robot deliberately go on a killing spree, because of course he does. Inevitably, Gloria is forced to kill him using her crazy giant tree monster powers. Then she stumbles into the nearest bar so that the film can spend its final sixty seconds hanging a lampshade on the fact that she’s still an alcholic.

All caught up? Good- now that I’ve explained the film, I can start picking it to death. Firstly, let’s address the elephant in the room. How come, in a film where all the giant monster action is taking place in Seoul, there isn’t a single named Korean character whose actions have any real impact on the plot? Actually, you know what? Don’t answer me just yet. We’ll be coming back to that a little later. Just ackowledge the room elephant and move on for a minute.

The thing that’s been really bugging me though is infinitely more pedantic and less political: the entire second half of the film was completely avoidable. Let me explain, there’s a scene, right after Neckbeard discovers he can make a giant robot appear in Seoul when tries it out deliberately for the first time... but first he makes sure that there’s no-one in the area surrounding the giant robot appearance site who could get hurt (apparently, there’s an app for that). And there it is: plain as day. Gloria has an opportunity to get away before Neckbeard becomes a full-on abusive arsehole and Neckbeard’s own sense of biting inadequacy is ameliorated by his ability to make a giant robot materialise in Seoul and start breakdancing. Even Seoul gets its own resident giant robot, which has got to be the world’s best tourist attraction. At that point, if Gloria hadn’t decided that Neckbeard Must Not Summon the Giant Robot and started a fight over it, all the awful, harrowing shit from the second half of the film just wouldn’t have happened. Not that I blame Gloria as a character: she’s obvs meant to be traumatised by all the death she caused when she was the giant tree monster, so her reaction is understandable. It’s just that, knowing the whole clusterfuck was easily preventable and could have had a happy ending for all concerned robs the film’s ultimate payoff of any sense of catharsis. Instead of being viscerally satisfied when Neckbeard finally gets killed by a tree monster, I just felt a bit sad and empty. He didn’t have to evolve into the world’s most ginormous douch-kanoo: he could have wiled away his twighlight years boosting Seoul’s tourist trade through the medium of interpretive being-a-giant-robot.

Incidentally, that whole scene raises another nagging complaint. Gloria intervenes to stop Neckbeard doing his giant robot thing, but walking right up to him (meaning that her Tree Monster thing also manifests in Seoul) and slapping him in the face. If that fight had actually escalated, thousands of people in Seoul could have died... which is what Gloria was trying to prevent. She aims to prevent a giant robot killing hundreds of people by starting a fight with that giant robot, which could potentially kill many more people. Not to drag geopolitics into this, but you can tell the characters in this film are Americans, can’t you? Cough cough regime change cough. Seriously, had she been taking ethics lessons from Mass Effect’s Reapers? YOU CAN’T SAVE PEOPLE BY ENDANGERING THEM, DIPSHIT.

Actually, that brings us back to my point about how there are no fully-developed Korean characters in this film where giant monsters are attacking a major Korean city. Throughout the majority of this film, Seoul and people of Seoul don’t really matter: they’re just used as the manifestation of the psychodrama bewteen Gloria and neckbeard. That could be a deliberate comment on the way American popular culture views eastern countries, but it doesn’t feel like it. Maybe the writers just needed to signpost it better. Also, it means that when Neckbeard goes kill-crazy and destroys half of Seoul, instead of being shocked and appalled, I was just kinda hoping for a few juicy shots of the giant robot kicking over buildings. You can’t paint an entire city as nothing more than the backdrop for some mellowdrama between two self-destructive a-holes and then expect your audience to feel emotional when it gets stomped on. That’s not how movies work.

A few other annoyances remain to be addressed, but they don’t really work towards the overall theme of this piece, so I’m just going to splurge them in any order I feel like.

Firstly, there’s the issue of Gloria’s boyfriend (his name is Tim, but you’ll only ever think of him as ‘That Guy from Legion’). He’s way better villain than Neckbeard, but the film does nothing with him. He kicks Gloria out and then stalks her a bit and that’s it... but the subtleties of his behaviour and the way he goes about being a nob make it clear that, if the script had any interest in him whatsoever, he could be a really compelling, hateable villain. Unlike Neckbeard whose name I still can’t fucking remember.

Speaking of which, what fucking idiot came up with Neckbeard’s bad-guy motive. He hates himself and how small his life feels? What is he, a school bully in a 1990s infomercial? Look, we’re told he’s motivated by self-loathing, but we’re never told why. He’s relatively erudite as small-town villains go; he has a circle of friends and owns a respectable little bar; he has good memories of going around setting off illegal fireworks with his bezzies. There’s no compelling reason for him to despise his life other than the fact he lives in a small town and comes from a vaguely working-class backgroud, which just makes the film-makers seem weirdly classist and snobby. I imagine the pitch for this idea went something like this “Oh, of course he hates himself, Baron Fucksmythe: he’s rural and does an ordinary-person job. I mean, I hate him and you hate him- why wouldn’t he hate him.”

Then there’s the guy who hovers in the background for most of the film, then has sex with Gloria, delivers some furniture and fucks off never to be seen again. You know how non-sequiters are usually phrases or jokes that come out of the blue and bear no relation to the rest of the film? Well, Colossal may be the first film to have a whole character be a non-sequiter.

Finally- and I realise this is a trivial thing to piss-and-moan about, but I’m going to anyway- very few alcoholics caught in abysmal self-destructive spirals look like Anne Hathaway. Nobody whose liver is slowly failing them while they pour themselves another round falls asleep against a wall and wakes up with perfect skin, fabulous hair and impeccable (if hipstery) dress-sense.

Colossal is a good movie. Sort of. It’s even got a nice feminist subtext with Gloria realising that many of the men in her life are abusive fuckwads and learning to make herself independent of them. But it undermines itself at every turn. It can’t decide what to focus on. Is it a movie about alcoholism and the psychopathology of addicts and enablers? No, because that plot line never goes anywhere. Is it a movie about abuse and victimisation? Kind of, but there’s so much else going on, it’s hard to feel viscerally invested in that plot-line, so it lacks impact. Is it a comedy movie that tackles multiple issues with a tongue-in-cheek attitude? Sort of, but its not consistently funny enough to get away with it.

The film’s attitude towards small town, rural, working class America and literally the entirity of Korea undermine its progressive, feminist credentals with a faint air of classism and not-quite-racism while its light, quirky comedy creaks audibly under the weight of the hefty subject matter. With a little bit of polishing, these issues could easily have been resolved, and a lot of the film is enjoyable as is. But a bit of tighter focus, better characterisation and a more global attitude would have been very welcome additions.

[comicbookuniversity]

Logan: A Discussion

Sorry for the delay; we’ve been sitting on this since opening weekend. You know how life can get. Enjoy

Before:

Weird Beard: Alright, what are your thoughts going into this film?

Bunnypwn Gold: My first thoughts going into Logan are optimistic. I liked the early X-Men films, but honestly I wasn’t happy with the soft, sentimental Wolverine we got because he never had a chance to be the stone cold badass we all know and love. The solo Wolverine films were weak and basically were about “Wolverine is good at killing things with his claws!” instead of having an actual plot. That’s such a cliché idea that it’s been his catchphrase for two decades at least. Logan, though, looks different. I was expecting it to be as mediocre as the others, but the trailers and advanced info changed my mind; they focus on him as a person, where he’s going, and what his plans are with Laura more than showing him cutting people up. I expect that he’ll be doing a lot of that anyway, so I don’t need to see it in the trailers if there’s really anything else to the film. I think I’ll be pleased with Logan.

WB: Yeah, when this was first announced, I thought, ‘Oh, here’s going to be another dud, because the first two Wolverine films are garbage.’ That isn’t to say that they didn’t have cool details within them, but that they were just poorly made and thought out. But then, I saw the first trailer and I was like, ‘That was a great trailer for what’s going to be a crappy movie. At best, it will be a watchable but otherwise forgettable film.’ So yeah, I definitely was not really paying much attention to the news about it or really looking forward to it in a way beyond maybe seeing a cool trailer. It wasn’t until reviews for it started coming in that I started to get hope for it. My bar for success for this film before the reviews was whether it was coherent, which is the most basic thing you should expect from a film. After the reviews, I started looking forward to it, and not simply because they were positive, but that people were saying it was easily one of the best superhero films.

When people started saying that about it, I started to be more interested in it.

So, have you seen both of the last Wolverine movies, or just Origins?

BPG: I didn’t see either of them. I was going to see The Wolverine, but I kept hearing everyone say it’s silly and underwhelming.

WB: Yeah, it’s superdumb. Like, it had the parts to be a cool film: Japan, ninjas, traumatic past haunting our hero, a conspiracy involving Silver Samurai. But then it was like the producers and everyone decided it would be better to just do everything in the most boring way possible.

I think I hate it more than Origins simply because you can see the working parts that would have made it a decent movie, whereas Origins was just a fucking mess from page one of the script to the final studio executive mandated edit.

Oh, and I really don’t like that Silver Samurai was not an actual samurai.

Oh wait, I was wrong. There was some samurai dude in there, but it was not a good take on him.

BPG: I saw the ending to The Wolverine, and I don’t like that it was about him wanting to die so he could be with Jean--that whole romance is bad writing to me--and I don’t get how Silver Samurai got Wolverine’s healing enough to get young (which isn’t what healing does because age isn’t an injury or illness) but not enough to save him when he blew up.

WB: Yeah, the whole thing is just nonsense. And to move on, I agree that we never really got the tough guy take on Wolverine in the films that he was in the comics. Jackman’s Wolverine was always a more damaged and sensitive take. Not that I didn’t think it was necessarily a bad choice, but I always wish he had been more gruff than romantic. And the Jean romance never helped, because just like in the comics, Jean Grey really wasn’t developed much beyond a set of powers and plot points into an actual character, so the question is: what, beyond lust, is the attraction based on? The answer is nothing, because one is a character and the other is a narrative mechanism shaped like a character.

BPG: Exactly. Wolverine’s soft personality in the films was basically a nice loner who occasionally goes into a murderous rage, because vague, angry screaming means you’re tough. And then Jean had just about no agency at any point in the series; she’s always been an object, but not a subject.

WB: Yup. I think, before he really blew up in the 90′s, Wolverine really was well balanced in that he could appeal to the tough guy patriarchal image, but he didn’t subscribe to it completely because you could see his pain from having been forced into that role of badass. He understood his power but his power was not a choice, and that’s what makes him heroic: he transformed trauma into positive, world changing motivation.

It’s similar to Batman or Spider-Man in that regard: each of these three men were forced in a way to accept that their power couldn’t and shouldn’t be used for selfish reasons and should be aimed toward making the world a better place despite the pain it caused them to have it.

BPG: Exactly. They sort of did that in the films, but they never showed him being “the best at what he does.” They showed him constantly trying to run from what he does but doing it anyway. Watching someone constantly cajoled out of retirement isn’t very compelling when he also doesn’t care that much about it happening.

WB: Exactly, and then he along with others got dragged into the hyper-masculine trend of the 90′s, and that kind of hurt him for two reasons. One, he was spread too thin, a trend that only got worse with time. And two, by giving into the hyper-masculinity, it took away from the character because it became more about displays of toughness and power. I’m not going to condemn the entire decade, but those were two prevalent trends that I think did more harm than good for the character.

And that’s what the movies were looking to when they were looking for more on Wolverine. So I think they overcompensated to help appeal to a wider audience.

BPG: Which was already pretty wide; they needed more people to like superheroes and build on the success of the X-Men franchise and films, not more men to like another man being manly.

WB: Truth. Considering the inherent diversity of the X-Men, the initial films could have done a lot more to cast a wider audience simply by embracing the international-cosmopolitan nature of the team, rather than relying upon the popularity of Wolverine to anchor the introduction to the team.

BPG: And let’s face it, he was basically the main character. He’s the whitest guy there, on a team with multiple women, one of whom was black, a team with multiple disabilities (since Cyclops’ visor can be read as the kinds of glasses you need when you’re legally blind but not totally blind), and... I guess Rogue can be read as a person with a compromised immune system, or a carrier of a highly infectious disease. The only person who rivals Wolverine in whiteness is Iceman, and those two duked it out for Top White Guy the whole second movie.

WB: Yeah, Wolverine’s trauma was romanticized for the films, rather than allowing it to be what helped connect him to the rest of the X-Men via their metaphors for power can come from anywhere. The X-Men films were interpreted through the lens of a harlequin novel when they should have been films about the power of a political minority working towards peace in a violent world.

BPG: Because, you know, that’s what they’re about. Do what works, you know? But with that being said, the films did OK most of the time and were successful; in order to keep moving forward, they only had to keep expanding the way they were trying to go, by injecting more of the identity politics that make the comics successful. And with the Wolverine movies, they did the opposite because they thought it was better to have him cut more things than be a good character.

WB: Yeah, Wolverine is an obvious action-movie character, so you shouldn’t try to design a movie that shows off his fights. Those are automatically going to be dope, so you just have to make the story good. But both his solo outings before this failed so hard because they were more interested in continuity and fights than character. Admittedly his powers and gimmick are cool, but that’s not why people love him. They love him because he’s the tough loner who is the best there is at what he does even though it takes a toll on him.

BPG: His whole character can read as a great metaphor for the problems of hypermasculinity. With just his healing and adamantium skeleton alone, he’d be awesome. His claws are entirely unnecessary and, let’s face it, shitty weapons; however, these six phallic symbols coming out of his hands (can you say homoerotic imagery?) are his main attraction to people despite this. He’s forced into a life of violence and constant use of his claws when he’d rather not be involved in it, but one day he realized he would never be able to turn it back off, so he instead turned it to something good.

WB: Yeah, his claws are pretty shitty weapons; a regular knife is a way more versatile blade. And I’ve never thought directly about the phallic imagery of his claws, but yeah, that’s definitely true and can be read as to say agents of violence as a form of prostitution. And I’m not going to lie, the idea that those are dicks coming out of his hands is straight up funny.

BPG: It’s hilarious; he’s always killing people by giving six handjobs at once. Also, it adds another level of insult to when he gave Cyclops the middle claw.

WB: Hahahaha yeah.

After:

WB: Saw it. Loved it.

BPG: Yes. It was amazing.

WB: I agree, but I do have ​a problem with something people have​ been saying about it. I don’t think it’s the best superhero film, because I don’t think it’s a superhero film.

BPG: Not at all. He’s retired, for one. Just because he has powers and comes from a comic does not make him a superhero. It’s like the Chris Nolan Batman movies: they were great Nolan films, but I’m still waiting on a Batman movie.

WB: I don’t know if I would agree on that for the Nolan films, but this was definitely a Western in the same sense that Firefly was. It’s about the myth of the cowboy in a sci-fi setting that stars former superheroes. And if it wasn’t clear that it was a riff on Westerns, they play a Western film that influenced it in the movie itself.

And they chose a fantastic quote from that film.

BPG: And in the Deadpool trailer before the movie, there were a bunch of Firefly posters. But yeah, this was a cowboy movie. Wolverine wasn’t trying to stop the bad guys or fight for truth and justice or even show basic compassion to his enemies; he just killed people before they killed him and drove for a few days.

WB: Yeah. This was a violent film and the first Wolverine film to really show off the violence that should be associated with the character, and this was definitely more of the asshole tough guy I’ve always wanted to see, even if we’re now seeing him in his old age.

BPG: Exactly. This was a great Wolverine movie, and it did everything right in that sense. The violence was truly violent instead of fight scenes choreographed like a dance. That aspect reminded me of the way Punisher fought in Daredevil S2. But in no way was this a superhero movie. It was a comic book movie, but not a superhero movie

WB: Yeah, and while I’m sure a lot of people know in their heads what the difference between a comic book film and a superhero film is, I wanted to take a brief second to talk about how I define them to show how this film is not a superhero film. A superhero film stars a character who through tragedy or conscience chooses to use their power, super or otherwise, to fight off evil in both the material and metaphorical realm by creating a figure to fight against a specific threat but with the understanding of a continuous battle against generally nefarious forces. And it’s important to state that the superhero is fighting on a metaphorical plane, because they are fighting against the very idea of crime or terrorism itself by showing the strong arm of goodness through their icons.

And Logan doesn’t fit any of that. And it’s better for it, because I think it would have hampered the themes of the film.

BPG: Very much so. This is a time when Logan, Caliban, and Charles are basically the last surviving mutants, and the battle is for the brief survival of a few mutant kids. It’s about winning hope from the jaws of impending genocide. Which is great, but it’s not a superhero story.

WB: Exactly. I think Jackman and Stewart delivered some wonderful performances. I liked Caliban, but he was probably the weakest link after the evil Doctor guy because he was just kind of generally evil and not terribly impressive.

BPG: Very true. They both could have been better. But I want to go back for a second, because I genuinely think the mass public doesn’t understand the difference between superhero and comic book movies. They’re synonyms to most people. I mean, superheroes are heroic because they have enough power to be heroic. Like…police more and more are using tactics that involve using multiple officers on one person as both a deterrent and because, if they do engage, they can overpower the person without drawing a weapon or really hurting them. They can do that with multiple people because a group has more physical power than an individual. That’s the power superheroes have, the strength to subdue and end threats without resorting to killing the person. On our level, as humans, we basically have those two choices: spend a long time hoping to end a fight before anyone gets more seriously hurt than needed or kill the other person fast. Superman doesn’t have to make that choice. But Wolverine was always different than those other heroes because his powers mostly enhance the normal human capacity to kill without giving him enough strength to show mercy. And I’m fine with that because Wolverine, Punisher, and others like them are cool. But it also means they can’t be superheroes, nor would they want to be. And now that people have seen Logan succeed as an R-rated “superhero movie,” DC is going to do a bunch of R-rated movies. Superman, Wonder Woman, Flash--these are not R-rated characters, and they never should be. But the confusion about what constitutes a superhero has confused the comic book industry for years, and that trend will now head into the films.

WB: Oh yeah, WB and DC have already said they’re going to do something R-rated based on this and Deadpool’s success, which sucks because you’re right: they don’t have R rated characters.

X-23 as played by Dafne Keene was a really great debut for a young actress and just a great performance and character arc.

BPG: There are those out there to choose from. I’m sure people would like a solo Will Smith Deadshot movie now. A Harley-Ivy movie would be awesome. Deathstroke is always cool. But those all come from the supervillain side. They don’t have good R-rated heroes, except maybe a Savage Hawkman movie.

Oh, hell yes. I loved their X-23. She was amazing and Keene killed it. She really acted as a great foil to Logan.

WB: Yeah, the film absolutely slayed it when bringing that character to life on the big screen, and I really, really hope that Fox is smart and gives her a solo vehicle. Quick question: do you think it’s just her claws that are adamantium or all of her skeleton? In the comics, it’s all, but the harpoon they shot through her made me question that assumption.

BPG: I thought it looked like all, but I was wondering about that. If they did all of her skeleton, she wouldn’t be able to grow past three feet tall.

WB: Yeah. I’m going to guess they’ll ignore that because Dafne will grow. I don’t mind, but yeah, seeing a little girl get shot with a harpoon was hardcore violent.

BPG: Yeah, that was intense. They were not holding back. And did you see how many people were stabbed in the freaking face? Stabbing faces is really brutal and personal; people usually cut off the whole head or just slash at the cheeks.

WB: Yeah, it was such brutal violence, and I loved it.

BPG: It’s hard to find good, quality violence in movies these days. They used it here to great effect and with a purpose, which is much better than the hypermasculine displays of status seen in most brutally violent movies.

WB: Yeah, and this film’s violence works for the same reason season one Daredevil’s did: they show the protagonist getting hurt first, which allows the audience to sympathize more and have a greater reaction to the retributional violence. It’s the Jackie Chan principle.

BPG: True, true. Wolverine may be able to heal, but that doesn’t negate all of the danger or the pain. They pretty much forgot this in the first few X-Men movies, but they made sure to highlight that here; even if Logan wasn’t healing the way he used to, he still could, and we got to see Laura having the same level of violence used against her with a full healing factor. They still get hurt, being able to heal doesn’t negate all danger in a fight, and we see them actively work to a life where they don’t have to be violent anymore if they don’t want to be.

WB: Yeah, they’re each trying build a life where they can escape the pain. And yeah, the first few films didn’t really show you that just because Wolverine can get hurt, doesn’t mean it doesn’t cause him pain. They mention it, but there’s no real emphasis.

What did you think of X-24? I genuinely wasn’t expecting that.

BPG: Me, neither, but it’s a really good idea. The whole goal of weaponizing mutants is already a gut punch for any mutant, but especially Logan, and seeing him with X-23 was basically seeing him at a time when he could still be redeemed. X-24 is a much more in-your-face way of showing Logan exactly what he had become and what his whole life amounted to. X-24 was an amazing idea and he was very well executed.

WB: I 100% agree. At first, I was expecting something​ like that terrible version of Deadpool they did in the first Wolverine film, and in this context, that wouldn’t have been a bad idea on the bad guy’s part. But having it be a direct clone of Wolverine, the version who was without the influence of the X-Men, was a such a simple and brilliant twist to reinforce the themes of the film.

BPG: It was a truly smart choice. Arguably, it lacks subtlety, and this film actually had a surprising amount of that for a gritty story about a man killing a bunch of mercenaries before his death, but I guess the decided X-24 didn’t have to be subtle.

WB: For this, it was measured, rather than subtle, and I’m ok with that. I do have a problem with The Reavers: they’re shown having cyborg enhancements, but not being any more dangerous than the SWAT teams they work with. It’s a nice visual, but an underwhelming aspect of the film that could have served the film better for action and crafting a believably credible threat out of the villains.

BPG: Yeah, they weren’t particularly enhanced for someone who goes out of his way to say, “I’m enhanced.” Also, they were only called Reavers like once in passing. In the end, I think them having cyborg parts was more about showing how dangerous their targets were than showing that they were stronger than normal; the kids were regularly amputating them at Transigent, as near as I can tell.

WB: Yeah, but still. The point stands that they missed an opportunity with the Reavers.

BPG: For sure. And they missed a point in terms of talking about the lack of mutants. It’s mentioned, and their demise permeates the film, but it’s never really talked about until they’re in the woods at the end and the unusually cool-named but forgettable evil scientist says he got rid of mutants just because.

WB: It’s true, but that missing point doesn’t bother me as much, because I think focusing more on that would have shaped the focus of the film itself differently. I just wish that once they revealed the reason that it would have been something better.

BPG: That’s part of what I’m saying: not only should it have been better, but the lack of mutants in that world is sort of unnecessary to a story about Wolverine’s death. And let’s face it, it kind of was useless to this story. They kept talking about it, but the fact that Charles was talking to Laura and the existence of the Weapon X program or whatever that was are enough. Mutants could have been flourishing in that world and it would have largely been the same movie.

WB: No, the fact that there were no more mutants and Charles meeting Laura was important. I agree that they probably should have done something more, but I don’t know what. I would have really been OK with like the Shi’ar coming down and saying no more mutants or something. That would have been a bombshell and ridiculous to this film, but it is definitely better than what was given.

BPG: At the very least, they needed to show more of a connection between the downfall of mutantkind and the downfall of Charles and Logan. What work were they doing before this point in their lives? What was their reaction at the time it first became clear mutants were dwindling? What, if anything, did they do about it? We don’t know, nor do we have any word before this film talks about it at a point convenient for the plot that the government or whoever had any plans to go from using mutants as cannon fodder to weapons. Which seems like a really big thing to set up since that’s Logan’s whole life and the repetition of this pattern is integral to the themes of the film.

WB: They were originally going to show the Westchester incident, but the director said that changed the focus too much, and that the mystery of their misery before we see them was something better left unsaid. I’ll agree with that point, but yeah, I still can’t excuse the lame explanation for why there are no more mutants.

BPG: The vagueness of their misery was used very well, I agree, but part of me also feels like it’s kind of a cop-out, so they don’t have to answer any questions about their past.

WB: I know what you mean, so my answer is pick an emotion dammit. Just kidding, but seriously: can we please have the Shi’ar coming to the big screen?

BPG: I would love to see the X-Men in the movies do something besides fight Magneto in a different manner than the last time they fought Magneto.

WB: Yeah, they really do have some cool villains who have been put aside for Magneto or lamer choices--I’m looking at you Apocalypse, you overpowered Ivan Ooze looking eugenics nonsense.

BPG: Yeah, they really do have some cool villains who have been put aside. Ivan Ooze would have been a better villain for the X-Men, honestly. Why can’t we see Mojo, or whatever that fat, gladiator-reality-TV guy was named?

WB: Yeah, it’s Mojo. He’d be hell of a lot of fun now that superheroes are so big at the box office, because his character is all about making fun of the studio executives in media.

You’d be able to critique and make fun of a lot in TV and Hollywood.

BPG: He would be pretty fun, and the best part is that he’s pretty insane, so there’s no way around throwing him in as-is without trying to have him make sense.

WB: He makes sense. He’d be like Q on star Trek TNG, but less powerful

BPG: But Q made more sense in Star Trek because they constantly used god-like power in the series before that; in the X-Films, there hasn’t been any sign of aliens, so Mojo would be a huge break from the norm

WB: Yeah, and that is what Logan is: a huge break from the norm. I say they should embrace it.

Alright, back to Logan for a moment. Do we think Eden was real or was something else going on when Rictor was talking on the radio?

BPG: Eden was in North Dakota; the people in Canada weren’t Eden. Eden was fictional, so they made it real and used it as a base to get into Canada. Wasn’t that clear?

WB: Yeah, but since there wasn’t supposed to be anything there because it was middle of nowhere North Dakota and they just happen to find someone on the other end, that doesn’t strike you as strange?

BPG: It strikes me as a well-made plan by the nurses working on an international pathway to Canada, where mutants are safe. Remember when they were making that whole plan to save all the children?

WB: I guess, but with the coordinates being pulled from fiction within the fiction, we have to entertain the idea that something strange was happening or that you’re right and it was a much better plan than the audience was initially led to believe.

BPG: I think the latter is almost completely stated by the film, and quite frankly it makes way more sense than a vague mystery thrown in at the end with no resolution. The whole film was about Logan remembering that he can make a better world, even if it doesn’t look like one exists anymore. The idea that they just made their better world--picked coordinates from a sort of legend to give them hope and then worked out the rest of the details around it--fits perfectly with what they were doing. Randomly throwing in a new, mysterious, metafictional place at the end cold just seems weird and detracts from the work as a whole.

WB: Well, when you put it like that…yeah. I had seen some people think it was supposed to be a mystery, but it didn’t bother me too much whether it was real or not.

I’ve been asking questions; do you have something you want to discuss that I’m forgetting?

Or haven’t talked about yet?

BPG: I think this film directly attacks the hypermasculinity that has been plaguing Wolverine since the nineties. Logan spends the whole movie physically and emotionally pained by his violence and claws, he actively steers Laura away from that same path she was forced on (which was intended to make her “useful,” as happens to all shallow, fake-feminist female protagonists), and X-24 is nothing but the masculinity without the conscience. It’s pretty great. He dies a soft father figure wanting to open up emotionally to his daughter.

WB: Yeah, it’s a fantastic ending. What I really hope is that now with his death in comics and film means that we can all hop on board with X-23 as the best there is at what she does.

BPG: I hope so, too, but they didn’t really kill Logan in the comics. They should have, but they really just put in place a bait-and-switch, where they can have Old Man Logan for a while until they decide Young Man Logan should come back.

They weren’t going to get rid of a good paycheck, and so they basically didn’t.

WB: No, he’s like an adamantium statue. Last I remember he was sick before he got covered in adamantium. I mean, its comics, so they’ll find a way if they want him back. And yeah, adding in Old Man Logan was a dumb idea.

BPG: You basically made my point. They’ll just melt the adamantium off of him and he’ll heal the burns. Then Old Man Logan will finally die like he was supposed to, or go back to the future.

WB: I know, but he’s about as dead as you can be.

And X-23 in her Wolverine comic is getting great reviews so far. I’m genuinely interested in reading it.

BPG: I’d like to see where that goes, too. I hope she does end up with a good career, like Kate Bishop. In fact, I’d like to see them have a buddy cop comic. Or a buddy cop movie, if Fox ever cooperates with Marvel and they ever introduce Clint’s top SHIELD trainee, Kate Bishop.

But that being said, the keeping on of Old Man Logan is a dead giveaway that they aren’t really parting with the first Wolverine. Fortunately, they seem to be doing that for real in the movies, so let’s see where that goes; maybe Fox will let him be in Avengers, but that’s the only other option.

WB: Bringing​ him over to the Avengers is a…bad idea now. Maybe a year or two ago, I would have been down for it in some way, but now after Logan, I would feel cheated. I’m not saying don’t have X-Men crossover, but leave him dead. Also, the Avengers don’t need him: they have​ Bucky.

BPG: I agree, but it’s what Jackman would agree to.

WB: I know. And admittedly, it would be fun to see him having fun playing Avengers, but he just did this one and it’s like...Nah man. That’d be overkill.

So yeah, Logan was great. People should definitely see it.

BPG: For sure. I loved it.

WB: Where does it fit in the pantheon comic book-based films for you?

BPG: It’s up there. It didn’t hit me the way others did, but I liked it like a less witty Tarantino film.

WB: Comparing it to Tarantino’s a high compliment still. It’s in my top ten, but not my top five. Well, maybe a couple more days of thinking it might get that high, but this is definitely now my number one X-Men film.

BPG: Yeah, it’s better than the rest of those; First Class and DoFP could have gotten up there, but they didn’t hit the themes as hard as Logan did.

WB: No, they didn’t. Those are the top three easy.

BPG: Yeah. And Logan is the top.

[nickarmstrongfilm]

OCTOBER 2018: AN EXERCISE IN EXCESS & A HORROR DIARY

Carrie (dir. Brian De Palma, 1976)*

The Rage: Carrie 2 (dir. Katt Shea, 1999)

Duel (dir. Steven Spielberg, 1971)

Pulse (dir. Jim Sonzero, 2006)* For all intents and purposes, I don’t think this movie was at all necessary — what Kurosawa pulled off with the original Pulse was nothing short of miraculous in its terror, melancholy and study of society… but I must admit that the idea of a group of people watching that film and translating it into a mid-2000s American tech-horror movie (aesthetic and all) is highly appealing to me. It’s fun! It’s dumb! Kiyoshi already mastered it so I can’t really get mad at this.

Daphne & Velma (dir. Suzi Yoonessi, 2018) Wholesome live-action Scooby-Doo spinoff with women at the helm, and is about as fun and nostalgic as anything I’ve seen related to Scooby-Doo. Lots of Halloween-y fun!

Captain Voyeur (dir. John Carpenter, 1969) Had been dying to get my hands on this for a long time, so it was lots of fun to finally see it (and complete Carpenter’s filmography!). It’s short and slight and very noticeably Carpenter. He improves on all aspects of this in his amazing career, but this is an inspiring artifact nonetheless.

The Crazies (dir. George A. Romero, 1973)

Something Evil (dir. Steven Spielberg, 1972)

Tales from the Hood (dir. Rusty Cundieff, 1995)*

Uncle Sam (dir. William Lustig, 1996) Anti-American slasher where the villain is a zombie soldier named Sam who dresses up as *the* Uncle Sam. I think that is praise enough.

Hell Fest (dir. Gregory Plotkin, 2018) This one has really grown on me over the month, especially as it inspired me to rewatch The Funhouse, which in turn inspired me the finally read the novelization of The Funhouse by Dean Koontz. As much as I was initially underwhelmed and annoyed by certain aspects of the film, the concept is terrific and it really plays into the uncertainty of the theme park’s dangers for impressively long stretches of time. Mostly dumb but also very fun.

Tales from the Hood 2 (dir. Rusty Cundieff & Darin Scott, 2018) Not even close to as impactful or consistent as the original, and my fear that this was co-directed by Cundieff and co-writer of the original Darin Scott actually turned out to be reasonable, because the two segments he directed are noticeably worse, but it remains passionate and blunt in its manipulation of genre tropes to suit the subject matter. Keith David murders it in the wraparound, and the closing short “The Sacrifice” is deeply powerful.

Stay Alive (dir. William Brent Bell, 2006)

Slice (dir. Austin Vesely, 2018)

Drag Me to Hell (dir. Sam Raimi, 2009)*

The Vagrant (dir. Chris Walas, 1992)

Venom (dir. Ruben Fleischer, 2018)

Dracula 3D (dir. Dario Argento, 2012) Argento’s rendition of the age-old Dracula tale is the umpteenth adaptation of the story, and while it doesn’t appear to make many changes to the narrative, I have to give credit to his formal experimentation — it strikes me as an admirable case of retrofuturism, as he uses the most modern digital filmmaking (I would love to see this in actual 3D) to tell one of the oldest tales imaginable. Lots to discover here, I think, but I really liked it!

Sleepwalkers (dir. Mick Garris, 1992)

The Black Cat (dir. Edward G. Ulmer, 1934)

Parasomnia (dir. William Malone, 2008) William Malone is one of the most underrated figures in horror, and while I can’t fully get behind this one — frankly, I’m unsure of whether it criticizes or endorses its imbecilic male character, who fetishizes a “sleeping beauty” — but his highly unique, Kiyoshi Kurosawa-esque aesthetic shines through in many moments, notably its dream sequences.

Hellraiser (dir. Clive Barker, 1987)*

Crazy As Hell (dir. Eriq La Salle, 2002) Kind of overlong, but cut down it could be a very serviceable series of predictable twists and turns that examine ethics in journalism and hospital institutions.

Hellbound: Hellraiser II (dir. Tony Randel, 1988)

Sorority House Massacre (dir. Carol Frank, 1986) Understandable to be deemed a Halloween ripoff, but it places a deeper focus on friendships and beats the rest of the Halloween series to a sense of psychic kinship which pushes this above being a fairly standard slasher. This is fun!

Soft for Digging (dir. J.T. Petty, 2001) I often think about, from experience, how making your student film silent is a smart but played-out trick to make it feel less cheap… nothing about this really sticks with me, but its lead performance is compelling and the atmosphere is strong at times.

Ganja & Hess (dir. Bill Gunn, 1973)* Just one of the greatest American films of all time, such a layered and nuanced take on the vampire subgenre. I don’t know what else to write except that Bill Gunn was one of the great filmmakers of all time.

Scary Movie 5 (dir. Malcolm D. Lee, 2013) Inarguably the least offensive of the series (a flawed series that I happen to love) and a very pure, frequently funny parody that director Malcolm D. Lee brings a whole lot to — and is as quietly incisive about the genre as some of the best entries are. The best one since the Wayans left.

Bones (dir. Ernest R. Dickerson, 2001)*

J.D.’s Revenge (dir. Arthur Marks, 1976)

We’re Going to Eat You (dir. Tsui Hark, 1980)

Ghost in the Machine (dir. Rachel Talalay, 1993) Incredible technology-focused Nightmare on Elm Street/Shocker hybrid made by the woman responsible for one of the very best Elm Streets. The effects, both practical and digital, are stunning in their own ways, and it’s just so much fun!

Aftershock (dir. Nicolás López, 2012) This feels like exactly how people see Roth’s Hostel, which makes me wonder why he’d take part in this. It is essentially a dumb version of the very smart film he made — which people consistently said was dumb — and he plays one of the assholes in it. This movie is unbearable.

The Funhouse (dir. Tobe Hooper, 1981)* Such an incredible extension of what Hooper examines in his essential Texas Chain Saw Massacre, replacing stumbling into backwoods America with a travelling version of the same horrors. Watching this made me miss writing about Hooper, because each of his works perfects and furthers everything he’s once done. An incredible film that is perhaps the ultimate in self-reflexivity within horror, and one of Hooper’s absolute best.

My Left Eye Sees Ghosts (dir. Johnnie To & Wai Ka-Fai, 2002)

Cat People (dir. Paul Schrader, 1982)* To my mind, this and Tourneur’s original are hard to compare because they perfectly fill each other in — Schrader’s lurid remake dares to show all that Tourneur couldn’t and wouldn’t 40 years later, which makes this a pretty ideal remake!

The Ambulance (dir. Larry Cohen, 1990) Another excellent entry in Cohen’s endeavor to turn the familiar into the horrifying, which I always appreciate as an attempt to alter the public’s perception of basic institutions. Very fun and intelligent.

Gothika (dir. Mathieu Kassovitz, 2003) Not unlike this year’s terrific Unsane in its examination of how all institutions are run by the amoral, and how innocent people are manipulated, victimized and gaslit. Has that ‘00s horror aesthetic I love (this comes from Dark Castle Entertainment, whose horror output I find thoroughly underrated) complete with Limp Bizkit’s cover of Behind Blue Eyes playing over the credits. Underrated and relevant.

Dark Angel: The Ascent (dir. Linda Hassani, 1994) At once a wholesome rom-com, righteous horror picture and an intelligent take on theology.

Love Massacre (dir. Patrick Tam, 1981) This is deliberately barren visually, making the splashes of blue and red all the more powerful when they come — its constant manipulation of genre and colour mesh perfectly with its narrative of violence and entitlement. The only cut that exists has hardcoded white subtitles — in an already very white movie — but for the time being, it actually tends to add to its mystery and minimalism. A masterpiece.

Urban Menace (dir. Albert Pyun, 1999) I’ve never ever ever seen a movie that looks like this — it starts with our narrator (Ice-T, of course) ranting about Urban Renewal and warning our viewers that if you’re easily offended, this movie is decidedly *not for you*. It is not a particularly offensive movie though I would not argue if someone called it a visual atrocity. For argument’s sake, it is not exactly a horror movie, but its intense exposure gives it a very dreamy quality that actually makes it a lot scarier to watch. This movie is probably not good but I fucking love Albert Pyun and I can’t say that I wasn’t in awe of how this was made.  Plus it is 1 hour long!

The Card Player (dir. Dario Argento, 2004) Argento’s most blatant satire, this feels like a lampoon of both typical procedurals, as well as the desensitization of the internet age. There aren’t many images in Argento’s oeuvre I like more than a group of police officers cheering and laughing at a game of blackjack with a video of a woman being tortured superimposed over it.

Halloween (dir. David Gordon Green, 2018)* This didn’t work as well for me on a rewatch outside of my first experience at TIFF (full of excitement and yelling) but many of my favorite aspects remain: Laurie’s turn to the typical American defense against trauma (which also manifests in a cat-and-mouse chase in a slasher-proof booby-trapped housed), as well as its use of the sequel’s timing to explore multi-generational trauma, but all of its best ideas are explored with far more character in both Carpenter and Zombie’s iterations. 

Lisa, Lisa (dir. Frederick R. Friedel, 1974)

Leprechaun 4: In Space (dir. Brian Trenchard-Smith, 1996) Just the most incredibly off-the-hinges horror franchise there is, especially because the antagonist is anything but scary. I think that the “in space” moniker is the quintessential jump-the-shark move for a franchise, so as stupid and offensive as this movie gets, it truly feels like it is just out of the viewer’s hands and the only responsible thing to do is enjoy the increasingly absurd nature of the films (though I can’t imagine it gets wilder than this).

Leprechaun in the Hood (dir. Rob Spera, 2000) Not only not wild enough to distract me from its horrid nature, but deeply offensive and unexpectedly transphobic (as a major plot point). Not even worth recommending for Ice-T or the Leprechaun smoking weed and rapping.

Hotel (dir. Jessica Hausner, 2004)

Spontaneous Combustion (dir. Tobe Hooper, 1990)* Both Tobe’s superhero movie and his Sirk picture, filled to the brim with bright colors and melodrama that also functions as both a parody and indictment of 50′s paranoia. Another masterpiece from Hooper.

The Return of Swamp Thing (dir. Jim Wynorski, 1989) I love Swamp Thing!! I don’t like this quite as much as Craven’s comic-book gothic romance, but it does lean further into comic-book stylings, and is filled with color and explosions and melodrama!

Chiller (dir. Wes Craven, 1985)

Kaun? (dir. Ram Gopal Varma, 1999) Varma’s use of setting here is so major, eliciting fear and obscurity  almost exclusively through camera movements and narrative control. One of the spookiest, most subversive home invasion films I’ve seen (particularly in its exploration of power within the genre). I need to see more Varma.

Fright House (dir. Len Anthony, 1989) Makes absolutely no sense but Ernest Dickerson shoots the heck out of it and in terms of October vibes, it really does the trick.

Faust (dir. F.W. Murnau, 1926)

Reflections of Evil (dir. Damon Packard, 2002) One of the most disgusting and confounding films I’ve ever seen, but how Packard explores the political climates of several different decades, pop culture and capitalism almost exclusively through one man’s foul-mouthed adventures walking through L.A. selling watches is inspiring, especially in its dazzling final sequence. It also explores Spielberg’s immeasurable effect on culture in a way similar to house Spielberg does himself in Ready Player One.

Christine (dir. John Carpenter, 1983)*

Torso (dir. Sergio Martino, 1973)

Scream (dir. Wes Craven, 1996)*

Dracula (dir. Francis Ford Coppola, 1992)*

Nightmare Detective (dir. Shinya Tsukamoto, 2006)

Student Bodies (dir. Mickey Rose, 1981)

Giallo (dir. Dario Argento, 2009) I’m so consistently amazed with how self-reflexive horror auteurs get later on in their careers, as well as by how unwilling audiences who praise their early work are to buy into said work. To hyper-focus on this film’s aesthetic as generic and its violence gratuitous (and the same goes for 2004’s THE CARD PLAYER) is ignoring how painstakingly Argento wrestles with a genre he revolutionized. I mean, our antagonist here is a entitled man who sexualizes violence and whose skin has gone yellow in order to justify his namesake being that of said genre, how much more does he have to spell it out before he can be given credit (instead of using this as an opportunity to, say, jab at Argento for a negative review of the film by saying he is “yellowing with age”, Fangoria…….). Of course, I don’t mean to discredit the film by simplifying it in such a way but that Argento was this obvious in his attempt to self-reflect, it becomes especially evident that he, nor the genre, are taken seriously. I particularly think that this progresses the genre in its equal pathologizing of both parties of its cat-and-mouse game (both portrayed by Brody), ultimately sparing its victim in the end but leaving the originator of her trauma relatively ambiguous. At once, it is obvious that the character Giallo is to blame for his horrific violence, but it never takes the magnifying glass off of the detective character either, nor off of the giallo genre itself. I need to revisit some early Argento because I remember appreciating them for their craft and innovation, but that was much easier to do in the 70s (with regards to the subject matter of other films, at least). What he experiments with in his post-2000 work, however, is even more fascinating to me and will need to be examined.

[theseventhhex]

White Hills Interview

Ego Sensation & Dave W.

Having continually refined their sound, pushing the boundaries of psychedelic music, White Hills flipped the script on ‘Stop Mute Defeat’. Dave W. and Ego Sensation have brazenly produced an industrially-charged record that pulsates unlike anything they’ve released before. Hard-line, gritty, and intellectually engaged, ‘Stop Mute Defeat’ is a New York record through and through. The latest release sees White Hills break free from the guitar-driven structure of their earlier releases. Reassigning William Burroughs’ word “cut-up” technique to music, Dave W. and Ego Sensation deconstruct sound clips to create minimalist but rhythmically complex phrases… We talk to Dave W. about his affection for the UK, uncertain times and future plans…

TSH: In what ways did you and Ego revaluate your approach as you readied ‘Stop Mute Defeat’?

Dave W: Well, one of the big things that we did this time around was form the album between just the two of us. Previously we would work things out with a drummer, but this time we were taking on all the drum duties ourselves and it changed how we thought about structuring our music. It was way more of a building block process than having chord progressions and hashing out the chord progressions and seeing what kind of changes would come into play. Previously we would think about drums last.

TSH: Knowing you both like to push yourselves into uncomfortable situations, did this come into play with the drumming aspect?

Dave W: Yeah, definitely. Ego’s a way better drummer than I am, but we both can play. We don't necessarily think in terms of drums like a drummer does, so we put ourselves into the situation of taking on that role. Overall, the songs grew out of rhythm tracks. We would start with a beat and build up from there.

TSH: In the wake of this release, do you feel liberated having created something with a strong artistic statement?

Dave W: Definitely. People have been speaking about the album in relation to speaking of the times now, but the record was written before all of the political crap that's been going on in America. So, it wasn't a reaction to something that had happened - it was kind of prophetic.

TSH: Did you feel compelled to tackle themes relating to indifference and blind acceptance?

Dave W: This type of subject matter has always crept up in our music. Me and Ego fancy ourselves as philosophers in a way, so these are themes that we always talk about with each other and think about often. Also, living in a city like New York, it's probably one of the only places where you can people watch and not have the living shit kicked out of you. It's kind of interesting to go out and look at people and see how people interact with each other, especially the way they interact with technological devices these days.

TSH: What was the process like in fleshing out ‘Importance 101’?

Dave W: The process in bringing this song together was very organic. I came up with the beat for it and then I was messing around and came up with the baseline, which I played for Ego, and then she kind of went to town on it with the vocal part and synth part. Like everything on the record we would get something together and have a process of cutting it up and rearranging parts and sometimes even taking parts from other things that we were working on to see how that would work.

TSH: Furthermore, what are the origins of ‘Sugar Hill’?

Dave W: Well, that one is kind of funny in a way. The whole idea with this record was that we initially wanted to have a series of twelve inches that were in the vein of The Sugarhill Gang and Grandmaster Flash. So, the track ‘Sugar Hill’ was the initial track that we started to work on that would have been in the vein of early East Coast hip-hop series of releases. We were not necessarily looking to create hip-hop, but instead looking at the format and how the tracks could have a main version, a shorter version, as well as a long mix on one side and a mix-up. So, yeah, that’s where ‘Sugar Hill’ stems from, ha!

TSH: Tell us more about your deep affection for the UK…

Dave W: I've always had a great affinity for music coming out of Britain and I love touring the UK, it's the same for Ego too. The UK is the first place outside of North America that I have visited and I've been to more than any other place. We’ve developed a lot of strong friendships with a lot of people in the UK and it's also one of the first places that understood what we were doing musically.

TSH: As a collective human consciousness heading towards a time of uncertainty, what gives you most clarity?

Dave W: For me, it's all about not thinking that anything is uncertain. I mean you speak of a collective conscience and how people don't want to feel uncertain – well, don't feel uncertain and do something about it. I think that there is a lot of money to be made by the small percentage of people who control money and I think that their way of making money is through pushing a collective conscience of uncertainty.

TSH: How do you keep the mindest fresh?

Dave W: Well, I question the system and opt to find a different way to exist. Also, I personally meditate every day. I’ve found that meditation helps to clear my mind from the clutter. I don’t buy into nor do I read mainstream news - I avoid it and unplug from it to see things from a different vantage point. Again, if you don’t want to feel uncertain about the power of media, then don't listen to it and don't read it. Previously with printing press and now with the rise of the internet, mainstream channels have always sensationalised the news. A huge bulk of what the news and media present to you is pure garbage and fearmongering.

TSH: Does music help you to overcome stress and anxiety hurdles?

Dave W: Well, I guess music does help me to overcome anxiety hurdles, but it can also create many hurdles, ha! I feel it just depends on what you want out of music. For me, it’s certainly a blessing.

TSH: What do you feel defines your progression as you venture ahead?

Dave W: For us, it's important to not bow down to outside influences and to continue to push ourselves to feel like we are doing something that we are extremely pleased of. It’s interesting because when we started to make a shift with our musical direction with our last record, when we were on tour for that record I had many people come up to me and say things like ‘your new record is very pulverising and maybe you didn't make the right decision’. However, to me, if you're telling me it's pulverising, then I did the right thing because I did exactly what I wanted. Honestly, I'd just kill myself if I continued to do the same thing over and over. We’ll always switch it up and keep things fresh for White Hills.

White Hills - “Importance 101”

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