#this will probably be a very adhd impulse driven project that will end up taking forever to complete but since she is very conservative and

[boiled-dennis]

rarely speak to my mother but i told her about always sunny for the first time and was told i should make a highlight reel since she would never watch the show itself. is this what breathes life back into my enthusiasm for it ......

[devilboydogman]

Reigen Arataka Headcanon Time Baby: EDITED

He/him trans guy! Has been on T since age 18 and got top surgery at age 23.

Asexual! And homoromantic! But also demiromantic, probably. Very much sex repulsed, but cuddling is Excellent once he’s reached a certain level of trust!

He has ADHD, autism, depression, RSD, NPD, and dyscalculia!

He is Not White, or even half white. He bleaches his hair, babes. Bro is 100% Japanese

Yes I am a guy who is 100% on board with the residual katana scar headcanon! Love that!!

His lungs ain’t in great shape, y’all. I headcanon he started smoking at the ripe old age of 15 and didn’t slow down until Mob showed up and he was like Ah, I have to set a Good Example. I cannot let this child suffer from secondhand smoke. (He still occasionally allows himself One cigarette.) He’s also hypermobile, but this doesn’t start really disabling him until post-canon.

I know he has a canon height of around 5’10” but when I write and draw him he is 5’7”. I do not take constructive criticism on this. (Mob is taller than me for fucks sake, let me take Reigen down a notch at LEAST, PLEASE GOD)

He has a vast array of knowledge and skill in cooking, but rarely has the time or motivation to actually cook for himself. He usually only cooks properly when other people are around (rare)

In general, his actions are very much driven by either impulse or dire need. I mean come on. Have you seen this guy’s decision-making? That man has so much ADHD executive dysfunction in him. And also a general over-self preservation/ self destruction cycle that complicates things.

His lack of offering personal info on his life and feelings are a result of fear of rejection and a need to project the desired self, as is expected with RSD and NPD. The self aggrandizing is a necessity for his mental well-being.

His hyperactivity and lack of volume control are at times unavoidable, so he often ends up playing it into whatever he’s trying to do.

Like many neurodivergent people, his social skills were rigorously honed into a very convincing mask. He had to STUDY how to read people, y’all. It became a hyperfixation. Mobgle searches on body language and psychology, observation, PRACTICE IN THE MIRROR. All of it.

So yeah, love that guy. Comment with your own or if you like any of these!!

[borderlandscast]

sorry!! I was the one who sent the anon about the development, and yeah, I meant how their character changed as the story went on. but also, what were some things that changed from the initial starting point in the story?

okay, not a problem! let’s do this. my random three picks: zoeya, lalna, and parvis. i’ll think about maybe doing posts for the others but shoves that onto future self. thank you for clarifyingthis ask! it was a pleasure to answer, and apologies for how long this got.

zoeya

her role is basically a xenobiologist traveling to pandora to research fauna and flora. unfortunately, her assistants continued to ditch her given the dangerous nature of the work.

working solo, zoeya continued after many setbacks and was close to giving up after rythian left (for different reasons than what she’d assume though). and then teep showed up.

zoeya’s bubbly, sunny and talkative personality unnerves a lot of people since you’d think all that would be ground out of her at the end of the first day but nope. zoeya’s greatest strength is in her persistence. she never needed coddling, which almost everyone made the mistake of doing since they also assume she’s naive. she proves them wrong later since death (and to a lesser extent, suffering and pain) is a part of life, which is showcased often in her field.

that said, her greatest weakness is her self doubt and insecurities, whether it’s about herself, her job or her relationships. she has a lot of unspoken anxieties on a daily basis, which hinders her ability to function. she shows signs of adhd too; this is especially evident in the scene where teep shows up and her life is a big Mess, from the way she organises her paperwork, her constant clutter and chaotic workflow.

she has a positive impact on teep and vice versa. for the longest time, she couldn’t open up, and now she has this extraordinary assistant who can actually read her handwriting, is not a wimp about foreign bodily fluids, can handle threats without a blinking an eye, can follow instructions after being told only once; yeah, teep’s her dream assistant. problem: they’re stone cold and unreceptive to her ramblings...or so it appears.

zoeya brings the best out in people; she has a grounding effect. whenever i wrote her into a scene, i had to take a different mindset than say, one i’d have for rythian, rythian is cautious, and usually doesn’t do anything without a plan. zoeya, on the other hand, is free of these restrictions. she’s a very emotional person, which plays off nicely against a bigger backdrop of stoic, reserved and colder cast.

she was never intended as a ‘oh, i’m here for you, always!’ sidelines character which is a cliche role; she takes direct actions throughout borderlandscast, such as being the first outsider to see rythian’s mutilated back. she reacts with a little bit of horror, but ultimately reaches out with a compassionate hand. she also ran inside a burning building to get teep. she also is a frontliner in the bandit battle, at the cost of her hand.

losing her hand wasn’t intended until i browsed the old blackrock vids and hit upon the arc where rythian and co end up in the desert and she needs chocolate milk to survive, and uh, things clicked.

zoeya suffers a permanent consequence for her heroic actions in saving sanctuary hole. does she regret it? no! she does her best to move on, with the support of her loved ones. she may have been an anxious wreck throughout the whole event but she never let it stop her from doing the right thing.

lalna

lalna’s role was mysterious from the start to his companions; his concussion impeded his thoughts and rationality. slowly peeling back the real reasons how he ended up on pandora was part of the story.

he was always going to be rythian’s companion, and unfortunately, was going to betray him later. playing up to that was difficult, since i was starting from scratch in an au compared to blackrock where tensions preexisted.

lalna and rythian are both lonely people, and lonely people tend to gravitate towards each other even if their personalities are at odds. i didn’t detail lalna and rythian’s initial journey together but you can tell that they’ve gotten used to each other by the time nanosounds shows up.

i intentionally wrote lalna to be a scaredy cat but differently to nilesy, parvis and zoeya. normal people don’t cope well with being thrown onto a murderous, lawless place, let alone being stranded. lalna handles it reasonably well at first but then there’s the icing on the cake: killing other people.

thus begins lalna’s spiral into the sad mess that he becomes just before tlvh c12 happens. that ended all civilities between him and the main vault hunters.

negative character development where someone truly regrets their actions should be explored more often! lalna didn’t exactly redeem himself in the final battle but he definitely showed that he’s taking his first steps.

sometimes people try to justify doing terrible things because that’s a very human thing to do. lalnable’s own rigid moral compass was foil to lalna’s own weak, wavering one. it also provided another reason for the conflict where lalna nearly throttles him to death but chooses not to, since that’d violate his whole motive for backstabbing rythian.

lalna is driven by selfishness disguised as protective love for his twin. he’s one of the more selfish people in this au.

his loneliness likely drove him to build larry robert, a friend who’d never abandon him.

i don’t think lalna is an idiot; he’s secretly crafty and actually quick thinking, especially when it comes to his specialties. he’s impulsive though, and he doesn’t like to think about the consequences until the dust clears. this gets better closer to the end since he chooses to go back and help the vault hunters, after he provokes arsenal into beating the shit out of him. that uh, takes some serious guts.

he’ll heal his relationship with rythian eventually. where rythian would once have cut ties with lalna, rythian’s open to trying again, something that lalna is deeply grateful for.

parvis

parvis is interesting as a character since he’s so multi-faceted while still being recognisable as himself. i wrote him to be a bandit, but not a bandit, as paradoxical as that sounds.

he was designed to have every bit of confidence as possible or projecting as much; backstage, he dials back on the loudness and is a little awkward but cares deeply with all the finesse of a brick in a sock. he rivals ravs in terms of social awareness, which is how he easily picked up on will’s need for a friend.

his sewing hobby was added much later, it provides him a valuable skill since bandits probably tear up their own clothes often. plus, plenty of civilians and vault hunters could do with repairs every once in a while. being one of the friendlier bandits around, parvis has a secret reputation as a tailor. he only tries a little to deny it.

parvis intensely dislikes conflict but pretends he does, if only to keep the masses happy (his own lieutenants are bloodthirstier than he is, a rarity on pandora). okay, he might enjoy it a little but the consequences of getting hurt far outweigh the adrenaline rushes. he gets over this ridiculously fast when he’s out for blood in the name of a friend (as in the case of one will strife during the jailbreak), or if something he likes is threatened (like his precious stronghold).

as sparkles pointed out, parvis’ leadership capabilities and knack for keeping a whole bandit gang united under one flag (with a love of music, of all things) is pretty much peerless. parvis has a goddamned gift. it’s why he’s so well-liked by each of his ‘fans’, and why he’s so popular on the echonet. he gets to know all of them equally, and rarely plays favourites. he doesn’t let the attention go to his head, much.

the illliteracy part is common amongst bandits but reading sheet music doesn’t take much; parvis is very insecure and touchy about his inability to read and write, but lalnable helps him with that. he also helps parvis get over his fear of blood and pain in the most direct way possible. it’s voluntary on parvis’ part since parvis rocks up to the clinic on a daily basis since hanging out with lalnable is greater than getting nausea over drawing blood.

parvis really steps up to the plate in ‘the battle of sanctuary hole’. he has major self doubts abouts his ability to succeed in battles despite the bloody bandits’ amazing track record of occupying the dam stronghold against multiple attacks. his big, gay ‘crush’ on daltos may have factored into his decision to pick up his gun and finally jump into the fray.

the ‘crush’ part is parvis working through a complex series of feelings. as sparkles noted, parvis develops and abandons crushes very quickly (about as fast as he loses guitar picks; his one on ravs is one of his longer standing ones). it stems from wanting to get to know people; being famous fucks a lot with parvis’ ability to make genuine friends. he goes back and forth on relationships when his doubts surface.

parvis is aromantic and asexual but is grey on both counts. he doesn’t know what both orientations are called, and unless he has a ‘i like people but not in that way’ session with daltos (aro, bi), teep (aro, ace) or hybridpanda (aro, ace), he’s not in a big rush to find out.

he just wants to be friends with everybody, except for when he or they’re crossed; parvis has a big vindicative streak to him that’s a big bandit trait. fortunately, parvis is as revenge driven as panda or sjin is.

some things that changed as the story went on (off the top of my head):

length of the story and word count; did not anticipate on it spanning across six plus side stories and a main one, or over three years.

arsenal’s role in ‘the battle of sanctuary hole’; he fucked up almost as badly as daltos did, which accelerated the blitzkreig blighter’s quest for destruction and revenge. whoops. but he fixed that by diving in to save his bestue, and failed at that. nobody’s perfect! except boner.

minty! minty wasn’t envisioned until i needed someone to run concordia. martyn and turps weren’t available since they’re both land locked, but then along came minty.

elsa being a major catalyst for the complete destruction of pandora and the universe. it was a joke, but then it happened.

rythian’s relationship with the queen; he nurtured a close bond with her, which she broke when she tried to escape her vault once she got too jealous of freedom. if things had turned out differently, they could have been friends and the universe would have doomed another way.

nanosounds losing her left arm; i think i talked about this in a post a long, long time ago but the consequences of a siren losing her tattooed arm? hasn’t been seen yet, wanted to explore it.

the legendary that was dropped in the vault of the queen; its name is ‘enderbane’, and is currently in rythian’s possession after honeydew gave it to him, thus breaking the curse of ‘no vault hunter shall own a legendary’. he has no idea what it does since he hasn’t tested it out yet, and is a little afraid to do so considering it’s an eridian weapon. didn’t plan on including it as a drop but usually loot is good on a final boss, so there.

ANNOUNCEMENT OF BORDERLANDS 3!!!!!!! since borderlandscast is almost wrapped up, nothing will change content wise but since there’s a giant time gap that exists, we’ll see how i fit the epilogue in since that’s a big playground.

[therobinsonwayoflife]

Unnecessarily Complicated (Speculative) Psychoanalysis of the MTR characters:

*basically these are headcanons because the original canon? not much to go off of tbh

so I’m only doing the three main (ish) characters although I’ve already talked a lot abt Michael and Wilbur here. 

Cornelius:

We know about him the most, from gawky self-depreacting childhood to freakishly collected adulthood so i can confidently say that he consistently seeks validation, covertly through his inventions. He will literally never say so out loud, not under oath, not with a gun to his head, not to anyone. But he craves attention and nothing is ever enough. He’s used to working to the bone until he gets what he wants to the point where when he does achieve something, he doesn't know what to do with it. Once he’s finished one invention he’ll start another, if one project is failing or starts to bore him, he’ll immediately loose sleep on moving on to the next thing. Though he likes to tout about his love of charity and using his inventions to help people, they’re also a means to an end: both to seek others’ attention, and to distract from thinking about himself too much. 

He doesn’t want to think about his flaws or his strengths, or his personality, or his vulnerabilities; it’s all about what he does. If someone were to criticise his inventions, that’s fine he’ll just work harder if someone criticises his behaviour or his personality it’s like hitting a brick wall. Of course if he cares enough about the situation he will find a way to adapt, he’s very stubborn and sometimes even obtuse but he’s a people pleaser at the end of the day. He simultaneously cares about pleasing everyone and asserting himself as an individual  than everyone in a very specific way. He loves rules and he’ll follow them to a T until he finds a way to break them and be better than everyone else. He never wants praise for anything that he personally didn't achieve or can’t control. Like if someone compliments him on his looks, he’ll call them vapid. 

Everything is a work in progress, something to figure out and this also applies to his relationships. After years of rejection and abandonment he’s immediately suspicious of everyone but if and when someone does gain his trust and peak his interest, he’ll start to analyse them and pull their personality apart until he  (thinks) he knows them. He can be very charming and finds all these ways to indirectly play his strengths to them, tailor himself to their personality, make all the gears mesh together. He’s really good at chasing after people but he’s also extremely self-conscious about seeming too clingy so he’ll compulsively avoid the very people he wants attention from. Like his work, once he does get someone to love him back he gets confused, like he never expected this to happen, he didn't plan this far ahead. He needs someone to tell him what happens next, else he’ll get bored and scared and hole himself up in the lab. 

He’s very driven and can become really hyper fixated on something he’s working on/any goal he’s working towards which often intimidates people, if they can’t keep up he’s likely to just leave them behind. And sometimes even justifies it by thinking its their fault they can’t follow, he can be very snobby. (i definitely think thats why he surrounds himself with people who share his intensity) He’s not necessarily confrontational but I think he enjoys the challenge of people picking a fight with him, like a debate.

Though as he gets older he becomes a lot more confident and calmer (and of course he has to for the diplomatic side of being a CEO and a parent) and he’s probably able to deal with everything much better and compartmentalise his work vs personal life and separate his identity from his projects. Partially due to his lingering abandonment fears, he’s very loyal to a select number of people. And when he makes the effort (which he sometimes forgets to), boy can he read people and emotionally empathise with them very closely. Slowly, he starts to learn how not to push things towards an indeterminate future and just hang out in the moment. 

Franny: 

Franny craves attention but it has to be in a very specific way: she goes out of her way to stand out and be The Weird Kid. If someone ever called her normal she would die. Be a musician? Be a scientist? Ew no. And anything that doesnt fit her carefully curated personality she’ll hide like a dirty secret. She pretends she doesn't care about people’s opinions, that she’s above it all, if someone doesn’t like her, it must be because her strong sense of individuality intimidates people and not because she actively pushes them away because she’s afraid of intimacy. She’s independent that way, or stubborn depending on the day. 

She’s very ambitious and very competitive. And if she decides that someone’s either boring or feels like hey don’t appreciate her enough, she cuts them off. Despite her warmth and friendliness, even to strangers, she can have a mean, no-nonsense personality and punish you for expectations she won’t admit she has. I doubt it’s very fun to be grounded by her.  

Of course, to the people she loves, she goes all out and remembers every single little detail about them so she can make perfectly tailored, personalised gifts or outings on their birthdays. She’s very good at remembering people’s  dislikes and their flaws and depending on the situation, will either do her best to avoid them or deliberately push their buttons to get back at them. She’s also very intuitive about people’s emotions, but she’s not always very open about all that insight, which she’ll keep to herself for safekeeping. 

Franny is a sort of in-between for cornelius and wilbur, she doesnt care about performance at least not ultimately and she doesnt concern herself with what people think of her or wether they’ll leave her, she’s constantly living in the future and thinking about the big picture. She doesnt plan either because she knows that after the plan, life goes on. She just wants life to be fun and interesting and while she loves analysing it and taking it apart, it’s  all a game to her, she just wants to laze around, eat chocolate and maybe travel to the world’s highest mountain and do something really impulsive . 

Wilbur:

I once considered climbing into the Discourse Ring and getting into a debate w someone over wether or not Wilbur’s a Slytherin but i thought better of it because we’re all going to die and Hogwarts houses are worse than the MBTI types and who cares it’s just fun. But for the record: i don’t think he is and the reason is simple; it’s because he’s not ambitious. He's too afraid to be. 

He's extremely intelligent, very witty and fairly adaptable to complete disaster. Everything for him is about performance, he’s a perfectionist and he goes out of his way to try everything: sports, checkers, math, sculpture, acting, knitting, gif-making. All the time and he has to be the best at everything he does but when he finds that there’s something he can’t do, he’ll dismiss it like nothing really matters in the grand scheme of it all. He doesn’t wanna say anything about it lest he confront his family’s gung-ho opinion on failure. And the thing is: the Robinson’s celebration of failure predicates an expectation of trying, of constantly working and you know what? He doesn’t want to try.  He’s too scared to go after anything and he’s certainly weighed down by all the unspoken pressure of having a famous family of prodigies. 

Sometimes he wishes there were rules he could follow so he could be the best at life but that doesn't really work with his family’s complete lack of boundaries. I think there’s a part of Wilbur that will never truly grow up and not just because he’s spoilt or that he’ll always be freakishly close with his parents but also because he’s still waiting around for people to tell him what to do. I have a very specific image of him as an adult doing weird shit to compensate for how immature he feels. Like, he’ll make his house all black, no colour, he wears a tux and slicks his hair back with GOBS of hairgel, he has a fancy car he never uses but likes to show off because look how clean it is! Of course, even though he thrives on rules and fulfilling expectations, he’s still very selective on what rules he’ll follow because again: if he thinks it’s dumb or if it’ll negatively impact his rep, he’s not touching it with a ten-foot pole. 

He’s very easily bored and gets distracted all the time (also hd him as having ADDD or ADHD). He’s deliberately getting himself into trouble and pushing people’s buttons as a way to act out. But again he’s very charming and very observant. He likes to play dumb but he’s secretly paying attention to everything about everyone and he knows exactly what will tick them off and what won’t. And given the right circumstances he can be a genuinely caring and empathetic person. 

[katherine-rambles]

lately i’ve been learning a lotta things that.... make me wonder if i have low-key add/adhd?

evidence in the “probably” pile:

i learned recently that becoming angry at interruptions can be a symptom of focus issues, and that many add/adhd folks HATE interruptions.

guess who has literally scheduled her entire life around avoiding interruptions, since as long as i can remember???

like No Joke i would do homework in the early afternoon so my parents wouldn’t bother me whenever to do chores (because to them homework was Above interruptions, but nothing else was???) and then after they went to sleep i would read/play videogames/art/etc. all of which, had i done during the day, they would have felt ABSOLUTELY FREE to interrupt me and then get mad when i got mad at them for interrupting me and didn’t immediately drop it because i’m a stubborn asshat

from research of the above, i’ve learned about (and immediately converted to) the school of thought that “attention deficit disorder” might be inaccurate, and “attention regulation disorder” might be a better way of phrasing it. see this link for more info

from that link: “But with people with ADD, who have impaired executive functioning, the inability to self-regulate appears as laziness or lack of willpower. It clearly is not.”

i’ve always had IMMENSE trouble self-regulating. without places to be, work structures and schedules to support me? i 100% fall apart. i’m still having trouble, as a 23 yr old adult, at setting up bedtime and wakeup routines!!!

from a list of ADD symptoms, inattention: “Be easily distracted by things like trivial noises or events that are usually ignored by others.”

i can’t often stand music or tv or whatever while i work. either i just Stop Doing What I’m Doing and pay attention to the music or tv show (and thus waste a couple hours on tv shows i don’t even like) or i turn it off. 

relatedly: i cannot go to bed with the tv or music on, despite it being a regular occurance for many of my friends. (guess who stays wired up on sleepovers while other ppl fall asleep to media.... :^) )

from a list of ADD symptoms, inattention: “Be forgetful about daily activities (for example, missing appointments, forgetting to bring lunch)”

i circumvent this now by writing a bajillion lists all the time, but when i was younger... i almost failed sixth grade because i wouldn’t bring my homework to turn in. 

which is to say: i would take it home, i would DO all of the work, but i literally forgot to bring my homework to turn in, on a regular basis, for the better part of a year. 

my teachers were confused at my great grades but lack of homework, so they talked to my parents about it, and that got drilled the fuck outta me, but... yeah

also? i can’t sit anywhere but at the front of classes. if i am not at the front i cannot pay attention, due to all the shit that people get up to. i’d love to join u at the back of class my delinquent friends playing games on your phones, but i cannot or I Will Fail. 

from a list of ADD symptoms, inattention: “Have a hard time paying attention to details and a tendency to make careless mistakes. Their work might be messy and seem careless.”

there’s a job in libraries that i cannot do. it is called Shelfreading, and basically, the idea is that you read the collection numbers on the shelf (that bit on the end of the spine libraries use to keep things in order) and make sure that the books are, indeed, in order.

i begin falling asleep maybe four feet into shelfreading. i literally cannot do it when i am Any degree of tired in the first place, but even when i am at my Tippity Toppity Best i’m the absolute worst at that job. it is my least favorite part of libraries-- even including the time I had to be a part of moving a library, and i wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. 

from a list of ADD symptoms, hyperactivity: Fidget and squirm when seated.Get up frequently to walk or run around.

me. 

i can’t sit/stand still. 

from a list of ADD symptoms, hyperactivity: Always be "on the go"

when i’m not depressed, i ALWAYS need something to do. i have ‘patience’, but only if i’m doing something else in the meanwhile. 

for most of my childhood, i had drawing as a “something else”.

from a list of ADD symptoms, hyperactivity: Talk excessively

hhahhaaaahahhaha i’m so insecure about this but basically i can and often will babble on until you tell me to stop. case in point: look at how long this post is getting. i do that in speech, too

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Impatience

fufufuuuuuuuck it me. i literally cannot play some games because of how slowly the characters walk. i will never be able to replay the older pokemon games because of this. rip me

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Having a hard time waiting to talk or react

!!! i’ve channeled this into “interrupting folks to help them find words”!!!!!! 

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Have a hard time waiting for their turn.

hhhhahmmmmm this might be a reason why i strongly prefer single-player sports. 

in tabletop, “waiting for my turn” doubles as “watch other people make fun things happen”. and any other time i need to wait i can usually do something else while i do so.

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Blurt out answers before someone finishes asking them a question.

yes. but it’s kinda rare, i wonder if this is one of those semi-gendered symptoms.

but also, did you mean, “raising my hand before the professor is done with their thought”? 

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Start conversations at inappropriate times.

hhhhaaaa i’m sure becca can attest to my inability to wait five seconds before beginnning a conversation that’s awkward while the person who reminded me of something is still around. 

something that seems like impulsivity might have a hand in:

right now, i really don’t want to be spending money. and yet??? i have like ten purchases in the past three days or so around 10 bucks a piece. for random videogames, toys, books, a tiara, a hat i found at a storage store, a couple of things i thought would make great gifts for specific folks in the future.... why tf can i not wait until i get my goddamn paycheck at the end of the week????

something else that seems like impulsivity might have a hand in:

i am a Serial Procrastinator. the only way i get things done is by procrastinating on one thing by doing something else. very few of my tasks are both Proactive and Not A Part Of Putting Off Something Else. 

from a different list of add symptoms in adults: Restlessness, Trouble Relaxing

i’ve said that i literally cannot relax. that is: actual relaxation occurs so rarely for me that i treat it more or less like a myth. 

from a different list of add symptoms in adults: Trouble Starting a Task

hey, did you know that this (in addition to being super tired) was literally what kickstarted my depression? now ya know

welp

more generally, i am a ninety-per-center. which is to say: i got a’s in school, but it wasn’t because i studied and memorized every last detail. getting 100% on anything was extremely rare for me, even though you’d think i’d have a higher chance at it with my average so high. 

i hate straight-up memorizing. i’m terrible at it. if learning only happened like that, i would be a highschool dropout. 

what i AM good at is being a magpie of knowledge. learning is legitimately a hobby for me. 

so learning MORE for me is often about contextualizing something new in terms of what i already know. 

one of my other hobbies? READING FUCKING EVERYTHIGN as a child. i read so much that my average reading-words-per-minute is 700 (w/ 100% retention-- that’s an easy reading pace for me), but i can jack it up to 1k with 80% retention. theoretically, if i could keep that up, the internet tells me i could read the entire bible in 24 hours at that rate.

my good grades also gave me a positive feedback loop: having good grades meant that teachers didn’t care if you doodled during class, and doodling during class is apparently a huge coping mechanism for ADHD/ADD.

uh. 

so. 

in researching and writing all this out.... i’ve basically convinced myself that i probably have some degree of add/adhd, but i had really good coping mechanisms that developed early. 

when some of the things i’d relied upon began falling apart, i spiralled into Depression because executive functioning is hard

oh my god now i’m taking a test and.... SHIT IT ME http://totallyadd.com/adhd-quiz-start/

ESPECIALLY 

My home or workspace is cluttered, piles everywhere.  Things have to be out where I can see them, otherwise I worry that I’ll forget about them.

When I am alone I talk out loud to myself to stay on track.  I have sticky-notes everywhere.  I’ve bought things and then realized I already owned one.

You probably don’t bounce around like a hyperactive child, but perhaps you often feel restless.  Driven.  Like there’s a dynamo inside you. Maybe you’re impatient.  On the go.  Thoughts race, sometimes tumbling, ricocheting as you pour out one idea after another.

I walk faster than others and have to wait for them.  I like to be in action, on the move.

this only applies in crowds; in other situations i’m small and can’t keep up the same with folks. But in crowds if I’m not moving forward i want to tear my hair out

I find myself stirring things up. Teasing. 

auuugh i’ve been trying so hard to stop this one because it’s often really rude and invasive but I HAVE SO MUCH TROUBLE STOPPING MYSELF

I’m drawn to one hobby or obsession after another. 

did you mean “project”? did you mean “life consuming goal projects that take ~80 hours during a month when i’m also in school full time and work part time??” 

I have more stamina and enthusiasm than anyone else if it’s something I find interesting.  I dive in whole hog, like a whirling dervish, with tons of energy.  But then suddenly crash. 

I always have lots to say, but I’m not so great at listening.  I can be an enthusiastic chatterbox who just can’t stop. If someone else tries to speak I get louder because I feel pressure to get it out. 

I am full of ideas – my mind jumps and races ahead.  I don’t sit quietly and consider, but immediately offer one idea or opinion after another. 

I may seem impatient or dominating, always adding my two cents, having to contribute my ideas… and I have lots of them. 

I’m instantly enthusiastic and interested in new challenges.  I say yes to everything, then end up overwhelmed with commitments.

HOLY FUCK

HOLY FUCKITY FUCK

I SCORED AN 18/18 ON A SCALE THAT’S MEANT TO BE 10/18 “YOU SHOULD MAYBE CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR”

you mean to say, i have been dealing with this all on my own, for TWENTY GODDAMNED YEARS, AND PEOPLE DIDN”T NOTICE OR CARE JUST BECAUSE I GOT A’S IN CLASS

i may be, more than a little pissed at this. hguhgugh