#this. this is exactly what i need after getting my first dose of T the day before. in theory because things are up in the air rn

[lupismaris]

About to have a full on break down of monumental queer proportions this coming Thursday because apparently I'm going to be spending the evening drinking and seeing Brandi Carlile live

[fellow-travelers-fic-recs]

Hi there! Could you recommend a well written fic with a...happier ending? :) Where after a while they make different decisions (especially Hawk) and somehow manage to fix things. Alive. I saw a summary where the author fixes things, but Skippy kind of has the same fate only later and in a different way... and, well... it's ok if it's not all fluff but I would prefer not to cry out my eyes at the end. But if you say it still worth it, I believe you.. :) Thank you!

As you know, happy endings in this fandom (or at least within canon) are hard to come by. But we’ve suffered enough, haven't we? I hope these feel good fics hit the mark and hopefully work towards offsetting the extensive therapy that loving this show undoubtedly requires. Happy reading!

✨ Be sure to show the authors some love and appreciation with kudos and comments on the fics you enjoyed!

#angst with a happy ending ❤️‍🩹 A Joy, Hard Learned by @partialresonance // partialresonance [E, 12K] Tim and Hawk get snowed in together. Later, Tim comes back from the war a changed man.

The dynamics between Tim and Hawk are on another level, which just adds to the heat on this already scorching hot, emotional smut. That said, it’s only one layer of this fic. The building angst with the happy ending that follows, absolutely stellar! Not to mention, the cozy winter atmosphere. What else do you need?  Grab yourself a nice cup of cocoa and settle in by the fire with this one!

❤️‍🩹 Anywhere With You by @kayleebye // kayleebye [T, 3K] Hawk shows up at Tim's door with news after breaking-up with him several weeks ago. Tim isn't interested in hearing anything from Hawk, but one sentence changes everything. Will Hawk and Tim finally have a chance at happiness?

This one I haven’t read yet, but it’s got a lot of what you’re looking for… true love, angst and a happy ending fix-it all wrapped up in a snug little 3K word package. Give it a shot!

#fluff ❤️‍🩹 A Package of Sunshine by @bluebellsinburbank // ConsumingLove(Bluebellstar) [T, 1K] Hawk and Tim have a day at the beach.

This should be called A Ray of Sunshine, because that’s exactly what it feels like. It’s so refreshing to have these fluffy moments, a snapshot into a happier time between these two. And delightful banter with Marcus and Frankie in tow… We love to see! 

#fix-it, #time travel, #canon divergence ❤️‍🩹 Cheek to Cheek by Iviviendo* [NR, 1K] A special guest arrives unannounced at the Laughlin house on Christmas Day in 1953.

A fluffy little Christmas fix-it, light and cozy. I felt like I was right there at the dinner table, laughing and singing along with the rest of the family. Even Tim’s grandma is pleasant and cheerful, a welcome change from the cranky Grandma Gaffney we see in the book.

❤️‍🩹 Everything, Everything by tinypurpleghost* [E, 4.8K] Hawk wakes up in 1968 and everything is different.

A sprinkle of angst with a heavy dose of heart-warming fluff, along with some wonderfully tender (and super hot) smut. Short and sweet, this time travel fix-it will be the perfect balm to mend your broken heart.

❤️‍🩹 the pawn in every lover's game by hyperfixfic* [G, 8K] Lucy decides to face Hawk after Mr. Laughlin slipped a letter under Hawk’s apartment door instead of ignoring the problems of her marriage. And there are many.

This one is more book-inspired, and Lucy-focused, which is something of a rarity. Love to see it! 

❤️‍🩹 Sands of Time (Turn Backwards) by @brouill3r // brouiller [NR, 7K WIP Ch.3/?] 1987 Hawkins Fuller is full of regrets for the life he's lived, though Tim once told him he regrets nothing. Hawk so wishes he could say the same.

In the still night air of a hotel room, clutching a cracked paperweight to his chest like it's carved of the finest gold, Hawk gets his wish.

Or, a time-travel fix-it fic that nobody asked for.

This has me glued to the edge of my seat. The pacing of the first chapter pulls you right in, adding to the tension in with its punctuated rhythm--absolutely perfect for the mindset of Hawk trying to come to grips with what is happening around him. 

❤️‍🩹 Again, only better by@madsmeetsmisha // madsmeetsmisha [M, 11K WIP Ch. 4/9] Hawk had no idea what was really going on here. All he knew was that he was back in 1954 and a completely distraught Tim was standing outside his door. And he also knew that he certainly wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

*DING DING DING… Haven’t read this yet, but by the summary and tags, this sounds like it might check all (or most) of your boxes… Tags: fix-it, someone dies from AIDS but not Tim, second changes, all the fluff we need to get over this

❤️‍🩹 Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps It’s Real by drabbleswabbles* [NR, 24K Ch. 9/?] And then it happened. The metallic screech of the gate, the shuffle of men stepping out beyond the prison walls. And suddenly there he was. His hair was shorter than he’d ever seen it. And his glasses were different. But it was him. Their eyes met. Tim stared at him in wide-eyed shock before recognition melted his features into a confused outrage.

Basically a fix-it in which Hawk finds himself back in the early 70s.

I haven’t had the chance to dive into this one, but it’s at the top of my list, along with so many other readers who can’t stop singing its praises. I’m sure you’ll love it just as much as they do.

❤️‍🩹 The Twelfth of Never by ghostandwitness* [M, 973 WIP Ch. 1/?] What if Hawk didn’t prevent Tim from passing the security clearance?

A retelling of Hawk and Tim’s story where their affair is continued through Tim’s employment at State, for those of us who want a different ending (but of course, not without a hard time getting there-After all it's Hawk and Tim).

I feel like this one might be flying under the radar, but it deserves all the fanfare. So far, this one is fantastic, and while it’s still currently a WIP, and can’t guarantee it will be exactly what you’re looking for, I can confidently say it will be enjoyed. 

❤️‍🩹 But If You Don’t Dear, Confess by@bluebellsinburbank // ConsumingLove(Bluebellstar) [G, 3K] "Have you ever considered yourself to be in love with another male?"

And that was the question, wasn't it?

Giving gifts, receiving gifts, walking like a gay man - like that could even be quantified; sex and sodomy. Those things were nothing, a mere drop in the ocean compared to that one question.

Had he ever been in love with another man?

For a moment, he almost expected to think of Kenny. That sweet boy who loved beautiful things, who'd followed Hawk into a war none of them had any place being.

But Kenny was the furthest thing from his mind. No, his mind was alive with memories of his Skippy.

Or, Tim Laughlin is a little harder to get out of Hawk's head, and the choice between yes and no isn't as easy to make.

This is part 1 of a series that follows Hawk and Tim as they run away to Italy together, after Hawk fails the polygraph on purpose. Each fic is a standalone, so if you’re uneasy about getting too attached to a WIP, this might be for you!

*Authors: If you have a tumblr (or other socials) you'd like linked, let me know and I'll add it. Also, if anyone doesn't want their socials linked here, please let me know and I'll gladly remove it.

[voltfruits]

I dunno if u will answer this. But i want to know about your sunburn take(this is definitely not an excuse to gather some inspiration)

i'm always happy to talk about sunburn!! i'm not sure exactly what you're asking for.. like my general thoughts on the ship? headcanons? idea of what their dynamic is like? i'll do my best to get my general thoughts out, but feel free to let me know if there's other stuff you want me to add :))

i think the main appeal of Sunburn for me is that they're both mentally unwell together while also having complementary personalities that help the other partner better manage their mental illness. they're both weird loser outcasts who have issues with intimacy and emotions, but Sunny is patient and attentive with Aubrey and helps her stay calm, and Aubrey keeps Sunny grounded in the real world and gives him the strength take care of himself. so you get a healthy dose of "this couple fucks everything up together" which is fun and relatable, but it also gives you so much room to explore them growing and healing together.

i think Aubrey would try really hard to stay in touch with Sunny after the true ending, even though she's upset with him for a while. she train-hops into the city late in the summer just to see him and work out some messy post-Truth emotions, and then they stay in touch through email during the school year. Sunny's old childhood crush reawakens itself very fast now that Aubrey's showing so much care for him—actually, I'd argue that the crush never really went away.

Sunny comes back to visit sometimes, too. and when he does, he and Aubrey will always sit on the swings together and talk, just like old times. i think a lot about the game's implications of the swingset being a big heart-to-heart spot for them. it's only a short time before their conversations start to feel free and natural again. they just get each other.

after Aubrey graduates high school, she moves into the city where Sunny lives and gets a job in construction/freelance handywoman stuff. Sunny still lives with his mom, and he's studying for his GED and making a little money as a freelance illustrator on the side. they spend a lot more time together, Aubrey takes Sunny out on bike rides and reminds him to take his meds, and Sunny and his mom have Aubrey over for dinner several nights a week (she's definitely living paycheck to paycheck at this point, sadly, she needs all the help she can get 😔). and this is around the time where Aubrey starts to fall for Sunny in return. she sees how much he's growing into his own person and coming out of his shell, and how badly he wants to be there for her and help her out.

in the years that follow, Aubrey and Sunny finally work through their feelings and start dating, Aubrey goes to trade school and starts working as an electrician or auto mechanic (better job, better money!), and she and Sunny get their own apartment together, and a cat :) adulting is hard for them at first! dinners are burned, bathrooms are flooded, rent deadlines are nearly missed. but they have a hell of a time, and they have each other, and they survive and then thrive. at some point i will write a fic that explores all this is fuller detail. but that's the general gist.

as to what their general endgame dynamic is like: they're both pretty quiet and subtle people in demeanor/appearance, but they're a little wild on the inside. Aubrey's hair is back to black with a single pink streak, and she has a love of leather jackets and earrings and tattoos; Sunny's evolved into a sort of tasteful goth/dark academia aesthetic. they both like listening and observing more than talking. they both keep a lot journals and talk about deep meaning-of-life shit. they do tons of parallel play, and parallel work. Sunny talks more than he used to, but he can be spacey and shy sometimes, which makes Aubrey very protective of him. she's mellowed out, but she can still get a little fiery when she thinks someone's giving Sunny a hard time. they're not overly showy with PDA, but they're almost always holding hands. and they can both understand how the other is feeling without needing to exchange a word.

i also think that Sunny and Aubrey both like being artsy together :) Sunny is an illustrator by trade, but Aubrey also likes to draw and paint with him. and she casually plays guitar, and Sunny does a little music production stuff here and there.

lastly, even in timelines where they don't end up dating each other, i think Aubrey is also the first person Sunny goes to when he's confused about his gender and/or sexuality. if the mystery potion is any indication, he's definitely thought about being a girl to some degree, or being something in between. so at some point after Aubrey moves to the city, they're up late one night talking, and Sunny admits that he wishes he was a girl sometimes, but not all the time? and Aubrey is the only girl he's really close with so he figures it's best to get her opinion. and it takes many more years before Sunny actually puts a label on how he feels (probably genderfluid), but Aubrey is there with him every step of the way (she's an active participant in the city's punk/queer subculture so she's very accepting!!!).

so yeah. that's some of my sunburn word vomit. i love them endlessly, in case u can't tell :')

[wheeboo]

EXACTLY fear js made everyone shine 😭😭 what r ur top 5 fav svt songsndn and could u recommend some artists for me <33

exactly omg w2e is gen so beautiful and i need to listen moreee, i just listened to the songs u mentioned and csn i say im inlove. rania what are u not good at 😭😓 ahdhsj omg as a huge swiftie can i say you have such good tastete and i love champagne problems and ivy with all my heart !! do u listen to frank ocean? if u doo what songs do u like of his

canadas so pretty omgg manifesting the same luck for u bc we're always getting skipped 😓 (justice to canadian and european fans fr)

ahh omg violin is so cool 😭 i feel like ud be amazing at singing id loveve to hear u singing 🫡 hope you're having a good day and im assuming it's well over 3 pm now?? id love to see how it looks (rania always looks good regardless) and hope u ate well 💗

DGSH SAKE IS SO ADORABLE she looks so smalll 😭 she looks like she deserves all the treats in the worlddd

(p.s https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeSKNrwa/ daily dose of seungkwan and i hope today treats u well, make sure to rest and put urself and ur health first !!)

omg top 5 fav svt songs... i'm a vocal unit girly so i love all vocal unit songs like equally;; hmm i would def say same dream same mind same night, healing, i can't run away (whole attacca album tbh), kidult, fast pace!! that was SO hard lmao. what are ur top svt songs?? <33

so happy u enjoyed the w2e songs !!! i'm mainly into like indie, bedroom pop, rnb, or just like calming songs in general... so if ur fine with that, some artists i would recommend are beabadoobee, grentperez, alessia cara, UMI, wasia project, lyn lapid, dhruv, mitski, faye webster <3

i do listen to some frank ocean!! i don't know like the entirety of his music but some songs that i have added to my playlist is thinkin about you, self control, nights, seigfried <3 do u have any recs for him??

i took some pics w a cute outfit on but i'm a bit too nervous to post, but i'll prob post right after i answer this cuz atp why not LMAOO but ahh tysm :(( do u play any instruments or sports ??

my day is going fine so far!! sadly i have to go to work later on T-T and then do a lot of homework when i get home but we can power thru 💪💪 i hope ur day was good lovely, lmk if u did anything !!

I LOVE SAKE SO MUCH 😭💞 i jus wanna give her all the treats n cuddles in the world fr !!!

STOP THE SEUNGKWAN EDIT-- literally fucking deceased HES SO FINE 😍 anyway here is ur lovely daily dose of jeonghan <3

[sabineelectricheart]

A Few Doses of Firewhiskey Too Many

Summary: Ominis had too much to drink, he finds as he wakes up the next morning.

Rating: T - Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes.

Words: 587 (Minific)

He awoke with a loose groan, hanging onto the temples of his head. There is light coming from the window, filtered through ratty curtains, his clothes are strewn beyond recognition on his body, something smells foul and his mouth tastes terribly.

The first thing that passes through his head is that he is not at his dorm.

“Good morning, sweetie. Did you sleep well?” Someone piped, a few steps away from him.

Ah, it is his girlfriend, Rosalie. Her voice was one he always wanted to greet him but this throbbing pain was making anything except absolute silence feel like torture.

Ominis sat up in bed as she came over to sit by his side.

“What happened last night?” He mumbled, groaning. “My head feels as if it has been used for training practice for stones.”

The girl laughed quietly before looking over to his side. “Well, do you want the long or the short version? It was quite an entertaining night.”

The blond paused brushing through his hair, unsuccessfully so, as his pomade made it stick up like an angry cockscomb. He does not feel that entertaining is much of a reassuring adjective, under the present circumstances.

“What happened exactly?” He asks, uncertain.

“Well, we visited Sirona, as we had agreed to. She said she had some new spirits and asked if we wanted to try them. I said you did not usually drink, you tried to prove me wrong, and well, you ordered one of those specialty Firewhiskey.” She smiled, almost laughing of the scene, even hours later. “I must say, dear, I was shocked. You have managed to hold your alcohol pretty well at first, especially for someone who does not usually drink. You should just work on your restraint, as you kept telling Sirona to fill your cup and that you would pay the next round for the entire bar.”

Oh, God. Where did he even find the money to pay for all that extravagance? He had barely enough to buy a hot meal at the inn, least of all rounds for strangers and shot after shot of specialty spirits.

Ominis instinctively reaches for his coat pocket after his coin pouch, and finds it as heavy as it was yesterday afternoon. Rosalie placed her hand on his, caressing it lovingly.

“I paid your tab, love. Yours and your generous impetus.” She informs him. “I know that money is tight for you.”

Now, that is just embarrassing. Having to go work his drinking debts at the Three Broomsticks would be uncomfortable, the thought of having his date pay off his tab at the bar is simply pathetic. He wonders if he can get there and beg Sirona for a payment plan, if she would just return his girlfriend the money.

He could feel his heart hammering in his chest as she continued to weave her tale.

“Anyhow, as I was nursing my one drink of the night, you were more flirty than usual. Complimenting my hair, clothes, asking if I was perchance available before I saw the most teary and forlorn look on your face when I declined.”

Please, by all the forces in the world and universe, can the ground swallow him up. Ominis felt his cheeks heat as his girlfriend finished her story.

“I am sorry if I embarrassed you in any way….”

Rosalie leaned her head onto his shoulder with a giggle before kissing his cheek.

“No need. It is flattering that, in your own Ominis way, you care for me.”

*_*_*_*_*

Hogwarts Legacy Masterlist

[cabezadeperro]

Hi! For the prompts, can I ask for either Alpha-17/Cody with hiraeth?

hi blitzy!!

post battle of kamino, established relationship. 650w, T.

---

Kamino’s like it has always been.

Cody steps over rubble, his boots squeaking loudly in the quiet of the empty corridor, and takes off his bucket. Half the wall’s missing, and he stops right at the edge, looks down: dark grey water, swelling and dipping, and a thousand white lights tugging away one of the Seppie ships that drilled through Tipoca’s main domes. Wet, cutting wind hits his face, tugs at his hair. He holds his left arm closer to his body with an improvised sling—his wrist isn’t actually broken, just cracked in a few places, but it’s been a while since his last dose of painkillers and it hurts like hell. Cody frowns and tries and fails to scratch at the scabbing cut on his forehead with his pauldron.

He can see the platform from where he stands, a few dozen metres under his feet. It’s cracked in places and full of rubble, and while he looks the right corner breaks away and disappears under the water. Cody frowns, annoyed. 

Whoever’s using it now to sneak away while the trainers aren’t looking will have to find a new hideout, then. He sighs.

Everything hurts and he’s exhausted. They won, but a cost, and now—now Cody needs to deal with what’s left before leaving for the front. 

At first he doesn’t recognise the noise of his own commlink shrieking at him. Cody blinks, shakes himself, and replaces his bucket. He switches the comm on with a flick of his tongue and starts making his way to the door at the end of the corridor. There’s blood by the door, bright red and still wet, what’s left of a B1 next to it. Cody steps over it, trying not to slip on the mix of blood and machine oil.

“2224 here,” he says, not bothering to check the caller ID first. “I’m on my way.”

A beat.

“Commander,” says Seventeen. He sounds tired but amused, voice hoarse and warm.

Cody pauses. He bites his lips and gives in: he smiles. 

“Captain,” he greets Seventeen. So the bastard’s alive. Cody heard about that little stunt with the tubies; he’s not that surprised. He checks his chrono and grimaces. 

“Cody,” Seventeen amends after a beat, and this—this, Cody didn’t quite see coming. He pauses and frowns at nothing, still alone in yet another empty corridor. More blood, more dead metal. A cracked cuirass painted in 501st blue leaning against the far wall, and a mess of bloody footsteps disappearing through the blast doors, blown open and resting on the floor just beyond. The blinding white Cody remembers from his childhood is gone, the white plastoid blackened with smoke and tibanna residue and drying blood, and he smiles grimly at it. 

“Seventeen,” he replies. He licks his lips and checks his chrono again. “I—”

“The 212th ships out in ten hours,” Seventeen says. 

He shouldn’t know yet: Cody got the news half an hour ago. He huffs and folds his arms, waits him out. 

Seventeen’s always been very bad at waiting. He doesn’t disappoint.

He makes a little annoyed noise in the back of his throat and sighs. “Mir’sheb,” he says fondly, the Mando’a familiar after so long. Cody rolls his eyes. “I’m on Deck 45. Old Cuy’val Dar living quarters.”

Cody gets himself moving again. “Someone’s moving up in the world,” he drawls, and Seventeen scoffs.

“I’ll see you later. Commander,” he replies. “Don’t keep me waiting.”

He cuts the comm. Cody snorts and takes off his bucket once again, shaking his head.

He ducks under what’s left of a twisted pillar, wrist yelling at him when the sling gets caught in a corner, his steps echoing in the quiet of the corridor and the storm raging just outside. Dense white dust still hangs in the air, and the floor rattles and shudders under his feet, but Kamino’s exactly the same. 

And so is Seventeen.

[odaatlover]

How did you get started on your journey of becoming who you are now? Like did you talk to your doctor first or a therapist? I'm really curious because I want to get started on my own journey and finally become who I have always felt like that I was.

Oh man, let me see if I can remember exactly what that process was 😅 I remember the very first thing I did was I started binding. This was maybe September 2019? Then I cut my long hair up to my shoulders a couple months later. Around this point I thought I was non-binary and was interested in starting to microdose T to be more masculine. And also because I’ve always had really bad bottom dysphoria and bottom growth was something I really wanted.

In April 2020 I cut my hair short for the first time during quarantine. In May I started to talk to a therapist for a few sessions mainly because I needed a letter to start T, and in June I finally started T, a pretty regular dose (.3ml per week). My voice started changing within the first week and I was SO excited about it. As changes happened and people started to see me as a guy, I realized that I really liked that and it felt right. So I accepted that I wasn’t non-binary and actually was a guy. I think it was August that I decided to go by he/him pronouns and a new name.

So, my process was a little different from the typical coming out process. I didn’t realize I was a trans guy until after I’d already started T. But that kind of makes sense to me, because in my opinion you should find yourself first and the label comes after. Like I didn’t transition because I’m a trans guy, I’m a trans guy because I transitioned. When you just try to figure out what you are it’s so much more difficult. Instead, I suggest just focusing on what makes you happy. Would starting hormones make you happy? Changing your appearance? A new name and pronouns? Focusing on the things I wanted is basically how the whole process went for me, and it was one change at a time.

I hope that answered your question!

[brooklynislandgirl]

15. Do you have any piercings?

A Will and A Way || -

For a moment she thinks she has to have misheard Cisco. Not because what he said came across as though he'd been gargling mouth-wash with his lips pressed together while he was underwater. No, rather than the Charlie Brown Teacher sound effects, every word is clear and sharp and absolutely his voice in her ears though he's a respectable distance ~the other side of the table~ from her. Such an unexpected question and heard in a way she's unused to manages to scrunch her face in confusion. First, Cisco is never really comfortable talking about things like that. Idle discourse while they're working ranges the gamut of favourite video games, worst comic adaptations on streaming services, the nature of scientific advancement and the ethics they are bound in. Whenever she teases him about anything personal or untoward he tends to deflect with shyness and humour and in a lot of ways it feels like she's torturing him for no real reason. Second, she can't begin to understand why exactly he was asking. Was he considering getting his own piercings? Is he seeing someone and he needs to get some advice about how to work his way around them? Which brings up a more important question which is why he hadn't mentioned he'd met someone? Since when had she been out of the loop and how had she missed something so huge? "Uh." Ah yes, the eloquence of her intellect. Any day now, they're going to come along and confiscate her S*T *A*R Lab ID card and send her packing. Exactly what the Admiral would expect and would use at his pleasure to flay her alive. She keys in one more sequence before she slides out of her chair and comes around to Cisco's side of the table. This is a show-and-tell matter. She turns her head to the left so he can see her ear plain as day, and the four total she has there. "Lobe, and upper lobe," she says, pointing to the two lowest and most natural looking ones. Today, there's a crescent moon with a jewelled star in the lobe, an actual diamond solitaire in the upper. "Tragus" This is the opal stud in the bit of the ear attached to her upper cheek. Then she touches the silver ring and ball on the upper outer rim of her ear. "Helix." Then she shifts and offers him her right profile and the three there. The bar is the first one she points out. "Industrial." A matching solitaire diamond in the upper lobe, then a sort of tribal faux ruby in the lobe. "Bu wait, dere's more," she winks. She never takes her eyes off his face as she reaches down and unbuttons her jeans from first to last, and shimmies the denim down low enough that he gets a decent view of black lace against her skin. Three little aquamarine studs draw the eye to her narrow hip bone. "Sub-dermal implant. Dis one I got talked into when I was small kine tipsy." John had told her it was for protection. He'd held her head and whispered into her ear until the very last thing she was thinking about was someone cutting into her flesh and implanting metal into her body. If she was honest with herself, she's pretty sure John could have talked her into anything that night, and all the ones that came after before he disappeared from her life. But Cisco doesn't need to know that. To cover the sudden change in her expression, she turns around, back to him, and raises her shirt up a little. "An' I always keep small kine of home with me wherevah I go. Dis is symbolic of my aumakua, my islands, an' dere beauty." She doesn't mention or show him the other tattoos. They haven't gotten quite that close. "Now I'ma beatcha t' da punch an' say… no I don' got nipple piercings or ones…ah… down dere. I don' see da appeal, an' hand f' God, as a medical doctor, havin' dem can actually cause you to eventually lose sensitivity in dose places. So if ya considerin' piecings on ya… bits… my advice is…yeah, naw, brah."

[genderqueerdykes]

Hello! I'm new to this whole thing, like identified-with-my-birth-gender-six-months-ago new, and I don't know where to start. I want to go on T, but I don't know who/where to even begin with for that. I know you have to get referrals and stuff and talk to specifically a psychiatrist at some point, but I don't know how that all starts. Do I go to a regular walk-in clinic to get referred to a psychiatrist and just hope that the doctor I talk to isn't transphobic? I'm in Canada, not the US, if that makes a difference.

hey there!! so i live in the US, i asked my friend who started T in canada and he said they don't remember much of it, but from what he recalls, they had started with asking their regular doctor, then their psychiatrist, and we believe their psychiatrist was able to get them set up.

for me, what i did was i noticed there is a Transgender Resource Center here in my city, so i went there and asked the person at the front desk how one would go about starting testosterone when you know it's what you want. they gave me a clinic to go to and told me exactly what i needed to do to get set up with their doctor, including what insurance they take, what time of day is best to call, and so on.

when i got into my first appointment with them, they sat down with me and interviewed me, asked me why i wanted to start testosterone after asking me twice if i had already actually been on it in the past and just didn't remember- after telling them i had come out about 5 years prior as nonbinary and am now more trans man leaning and not having the testosterone is actively destroying my mental health, they gave me a form and told me i needed to take it home and read over it and keep it in my possession for 1 week before signing it and bringing it back, to make sure this is absolutely what i wanted to do.

i was given an appointment a week later, i brought the form back with my written consent and the doctor wrote me a prescription for a starter dose of T as well as gave me some advice on some other vitamins to take to help the body not turn excess T into estrogen (he suggested Zinc and Saw Palmetto, i used those for years alongside my T) and i began HRT!

i didn't need to deal with a psychiatrist or notes or referrals or anything like that, so i highly highly recommend researching if there's a transgender resource center in your area, or, if you can get in contact with a local university's GSA, pride alliance, transgender group, etc. and see if they know the quickest and most reliable way to do it in your area.

take care, stay safe, i hope you can get started soon! if you need anymore help feel free to send an ask and i'll do my best to help!

[hackedintucson]

AT&T…

Good ol Blue Bell, ever watchful and listening. Company dates all the way back to the invention of the telephone in 1877 by Alexander Graham Bell. I wonder what he would make of it today. I wonder if hacking and harassing people ever entered his mind.

Anyways, three years ago I was developing my first webcam model website and had a AT&T business account when I had 4 iPhones and a Nighthawk hotspot go missing. I had Assurion as well as Apple One insurance coverage on all devices. Did you know there are two different kinds of AT&T retail stores; corporate and non-corporate. After my devices were stolen I went to a AT&T corporate store and was told my bill had been run up to $5,000. They promised me that they would help me but there’s was a catch I had to pay them $5,000. WTF. I will add more details here later but I finally reached the right department at AT&T. They told me there would be no insurance coverage because the policy was only active for 30 days after the loss had occurred. But what they will provide me is all of the transactional level detail from all the devices on my account. This will include incoming and outgoing telephone calls (with numbers) as well as data usage by device. I think it should be very interesting to review these details and see what shakes out.

Here is the thing picture rock hacking crew, I paid a shit ton of money to all these communications, internet and housing companies. Now I have some time where I will not be homeless and feel sort of safe. I know I am still being hacked but I have power, food, shelter and can even brush my teeth and take a daily shower. We are going to see how much of the past I can piece together. It will all be documented.

02-02-2024

Made appointment to go to AT&T corporate store to get printout of all my account details including device / phone number level phone calls, data usage, etc.. Unfortunately Yavapai is “short staffed” for the third time this week where I have done everything which is required of me during the day and have repeatedly went to the office at 4pm to ask for a ride to At&T. I have not gotten upset but it is ridiculous. Just saw the dosing van zoom off. So if I am a junkie and need my methadonf or sub box on I can get a ride. If I am trying to go collect evidence on people who stole from me I am fucked. Makes perfect sense to me doesn’t it you. What I have a little trouble with is the short staffing a term you will hear all the time in Tucson? Arizona especially in places like the county jail, community college, DES office; essentially any entity which receives some kind of government money. The place I am at is required to take me places on the first 30 days I am here, period. I also asked if I could get a set appointment, nope the advice I received is to keep checking back at 4pm everyday. What kind of fucked up place are they running here exactly. It isn’t any kind of place I would recommend that is if you are looking for something which is reliable and you can depend on. So really it is no different dealing with the staff here or the junkies on the street. All are unreliable. No matter what kind of fucked up shit they pull on me I will not get upset, I’m going to document it as best and as soon as I can. One day I’m going to fully understand WTF is going on in this gangstalking community of mind readers and spirits. And when that day comes and they put a microscope on this community and start turning over every blade of scamming, stealing and fraudulent bullshit that goes on down here your going to wish you had left me alone and not hacked me.

[fellow-travelers-fic-recs]

Feel Good Fics

A collection of fics with various tropes like angst with a happy ending, fluff, time travel and canon divergence to suit the requests in this ask.

✨ Be sure to show the authors plenty of love and appreciation with kudos and comments on the fics you enjoyed!

#angst with a happy ending ❤️‍🩹 A Joy, Hard Learned by @partialresonance // partialresonance [E, 12K] Tim and Hawk get snowed in together. Later, Tim comes back from the war a changed man.

The dynamics between Tim and Hawk are on another level, which just adds to the heat on this already scorching hot, emotional smut. That said, it’s only one layer of this fic. The building angst with the happy ending that follows, absolutely stellar! Not to mention, the cozy winter atmosphere. What else do you need?  Grab yourself a nice cup of cocoa and settle in by the fire with this one!

❤️‍🩹 Anywhere With You by @kayleebye // kayleebye [T, 3K] Hawk shows up at Tim’s door with news after breaking-up with him several weeks ago. Tim isn’t interested in hearing anything from Hawk, but one sentence changes everything. Will Hawk and Tim finally have a chance at happiness?

This one I haven’t read yet, but it’s got a lot of what you’re looking for… true love, angst and a happy ending fix-it all wrapped up in a snug little 3K word package. Give it a shot!

#fluff ❤️‍🩹 A Package of Sunshine by @bluebellsinburbank // ConsumingLove(Bluebellstar) [T, 1K] Hawk and Tim have a day at the beach.

This should be called A Ray of Sunshine, because that’s exactly what it feels like. It’s so refreshing to have these fluffy moments, a snapshot into a happier time between these two. And delightful banter with Marcus and Frankie in tow… We love to see!

#fix-it, #time travel, #canon divergence ❤️‍🩹 Cheek to Cheek by Iviviendo* [NR, 1K] A special guest arrives unannounced at the Laughlin house on Christmas Day in 1953.

A fluffy little Christmas fix-it, light and cozy. I felt like I was right there at the dinner table, laughing and singing along with the rest of the family. Even Tim’s grandma is pleasant and cheerful, a welcome change from the cranky Grandma Gaffney we see in the book.

❤️‍🩹 Everything, Everything by tinypurpleghost* [E, 4.8K] Hawk wakes up in 1968 and everything is different.

A sprinkle of angst with a heavy dose of heart-warming fluff, along with some wonderfully tender (and super hot) smut. Short and sweet, this time travel fix-it will be the perfect balm to mend your broken heart.

❤️‍🩹 the pawn in every lover’s game by hyperfixfic* [G, 8K] Lucy decides to face Hawk after Mr. Laughlin slipped a letter under Hawk’s apartment door instead of ignoring the problems of her marriage. And there are many.

This one is more book-inspired, and Lucy-focused, which is something of a rarity. Love to see it! 

❤️‍🩹 Sands of Time (Turn Backwards) by @brouill3r // brouiller [NR, 7K WIP Ch.3/?] 1987 Hawkins Fuller is full of regrets for the life he’s lived, though Tim once told him he regrets nothing. Hawk so wishes he could say the same.

In the still night air of a hotel room, clutching a cracked paperweight to his chest like it’s carved of the finest gold, Hawk gets his wish.

Or, a time-travel fix-it fic that nobody asked for.

This has me glued to the edge of my seat. The pacing of the first chapter pulls you right in, adding to the tension in with its punctuated rhythm–absolutely perfect for the mindset of Hawk trying to come to grips with what is happening around him. 

❤️‍🩹 Again, only better by@madsmeetsmisha // madsmeetsmisha [M, 11K WIP Ch. 4/9] Hawk had no idea what was really going on here. All he knew was that he was back in 1954 and a completely distraught Tim was standing outside his door. And he also knew that he certainly wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

*DING DING DING… Haven’t read this yet, but by the summary and tags, this sounds like it might check all (or most) of your boxes… Tags: fix-it, someone dies from AIDS but not Tim, second changes, all the fluff we need to get over this

❤️‍🩹 Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps It’s Real by drabbleswabbles* [NR, 24K Ch. 9/?] And then it happened. The metallic screech of the gate, the shuffle of men stepping out beyond the prison walls. And suddenly there he was. His hair was shorter than he’d ever seen it. And his glasses were different. But it was him. Their eyes met. Tim stared at him in wide-eyed shock before recognition melted his features into a confused outrage.

Basically a fix-it in which Hawk finds himself back in the early 70s.

I haven’t had the chance to dive into this one, but it’s at the top of my list, along with so many other readers who can’t stop singing its praises. I’m sure you’ll love it just as much as they do.

❤️‍🩹 The Twelfth of Never by ghostandwitness* [M, 973 WIP Ch. 1/?] What if Hawk didn’t prevent Tim from passing the security clearance?

A retelling of Hawk and Tim’s story where their affair is continued through Tim’s employment at State, for those of us who want a different ending (but of course, not without a hard time getting there-After all it’s Hawk and Tim).

I feel like this one might be flying under the radar, but it deserves all the fanfare. So far, this one is fantastic, and while it’s still currently a WIP, and can’t guarantee it will be exactly what you’re looking for, I can confidently say it will be enjoyed. 

❤️‍🩹 But If You Don’t Dear, Confess by@bluebellsinburbank // ConsumingLove(Bluebellstar) [G, 3K] “Have you ever considered yourself to be in love with another male?”

And that was the question, wasn’t it?

Giving gifts, receiving gifts, walking like a gay man - like that could even be quantified; sex and sodomy. Those things were nothing, a mere drop in the ocean compared to that one question.

Had he ever been in love with another man?

For a moment, he almost expected to think of Kenny. That sweet boy who loved beautiful things, who’d followed Hawk into a war none of them had any place being.

But Kenny was the furthest thing from his mind. No, his mind was alive with memories of his Skippy.

Or, Tim Laughlin is a little harder to get out of Hawk’s head, and the choice between yes and no isn’t as easy to make.

This is part 1 of a series that follows Hawk and Tim as they run away to Italy together, after Hawk fails the polygraph on purpose. Each fic is a standalone, so if you’re uneasy about getting too attached to a WIP, this might be for you!

*Authors: If you have a tumblr (or other socials) you’d like linked, let me know and I’ll add it. Also, if anyone doesn’t want their socials linked here, please let me know and I’ll gladly remove it.

[mirageywagey]

So now that I'm almost two weeks on testosterone I figured I'd note what changes I've experienced so far.

First thing you notice WITHIN 30 minutes of taking your first shot is the mental aspect. Immediately it's made my dysphoria over my body shape change to confidence and comfort. Because now that my mind has the hormones it severely needed, it isn't as concerned about what shape my body is as much.

Second thing I noticed was two hours within my first shot. Since I've kept kick-started a second puberty on myself I'm definitely going to be hungry. And I don't mean like a normal level of hunger, it's an insanely hungry every second of every hour kind of hunger. Also at the same time as the hunger you will start to feel, well, ✨horny✨

Basically this is the first boner you will get whether you wanted it or not. It happens, a lot, more than I expected.

And again at the same time as those two things are doing their jobs you're going to start feeling hot in random moments, basically hot flashes. As my boyfriend who is a year on T as of tomorrow put it "you're speed running menopause" so definitely have deodorant with you at all times. And water. And cool clothes on, unless it's winter obvy.

After one week of T my voice has felt more comfortable in it's usual range rather than forcing itself to be lower than it is.

After almost two weeks (tomorrow will be exactly two) my voice has felt scratchy and voice cracky.

I am on a low dose of 0.03 ml and change is definitely happening quick still so there :)

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

Misc: R's health and my minion skin

Tldr: R is better and me es okay but worsening

R finally figured out what was wrong with her heart. Crazy enough it was her kidney? I don't understand it really but I am just so relieved she can finally stop stressing about that.

She was suspecting heart disease and she thought she'd be out the game soon soon but I think now she'll be okay for a long long time as long as she stays consistent on taking her medicine. Tho that does kinda suck in its own way I'm sure. Just shy of being a whole ass adult and she already has two lifelong meds that she needs to keep her going. I can already see her sulking about it already smh. We talk too dang much there's no way i should be able to guesstimate future sore spots for her bruh..

For now, we're both really happy about it. Well. Okay she's still not talking with her partner so she's down from that tbr. I know it was a relief for her but ya know.. still just hurt rn. I, however, am just like. So relieved. She's been complaining about her heart for months and I can't count how many times she's thought she was gonna die from the sheer pain she was in. She'll be getting her meds for the junk soon soon and also getting better meds for her blood pressure shit as well.

It made me cry damn near instantly honestly. She used to call me in tears at times thinking she was gonna die and now she just.. exist. I hate that due to her partner shit and other nonsense going on she can't really see too much of the bright side. i mean I'm sure it's a huge weight off her shoulder's that even if they don't know specifics just yet they're actually taking her serious now. She's too damn young to be worrying about that shit you know ? Well.. she's too young for half her gosh dang health issues but you get what I mean T^T But uh yeh I dunno. She's still sad and stuff but we're both a least a little bit better off with the new findings

As for my health, I won't lie. It's gotten a bit worse. I'm still okay and I can still hide it pretty easily. My eyes have gotten a little more yellowish and I noticed yesterday that it feels like I'm like... I dunno. Burning? It's hard to describe. It feels like I have a fever but I can feel it everywhere. It doesn't hurt or anything. It's hard to ignore cause I mean like it aint exactly an everyday occurrence to feel burny throughout your entire damn body but I don't think I'd be too obviously uncomfortable in front of anyone else.

I am also really tired all the damn time. I first noticed it around the time I played terraria with the friend that bought it for me but I figured at the time it was off the benadryl but it continued ever since. It was definitely before all the jaundice shit started but I'm assuming that's around when whatever mess is going on with me started.

Plus.... to no ones shock. I am withdrawing.. Yayyyy....

T_T

That has honestly been the hardest part. I hate how addiction works. I'm just looking back at all the times I felt like complete shit after a dose, all the times I've felt disgusting for still taking em, and just alll the times I've had to hide my high from everyone. Just bad news left and right. i don't even really like how the high feels anymore. It's nice sure but the more I experience other forms of intoxication/highs the more I see I'd prefer damn near anything else 💀💀💀

But even all that being said, even with me more than likely fucking myself over with them stupid damn pills, I've been wanting more this entire time. I don't get why. i've only just barely been able to drink enough water to not risk a sore throat from me plain just breathing, I am literally half sleep as is, and I haven't been eating so it'd probably make my stomach burn. I guess I like hurting myself at this point. I never saw it as that but its the only explaination

Anyway. Withdrawing is leaving me a bit shaky and my already shitty appetite as of late has gotten worse. I think it's been about a day since I've eaten anything. Ima get some cereal or something. I'm sure the emotional effects of withdrawing is also doing its thing but I've already been crying and shit as is so I honestly couldn't tell you anything different

I want to hide my jaundice junk for a few more days so i can let as much of this benadryl out of me as I can before risking going to the doctor. That shit about dph sticking in your system for days and days is really not ideal.. I'm glad I learned that fact as if I had tried to go when I first noticed I would've almost instantly got some flack for clearly overdosing on the shit. I heard they'll pump you with charcoal and everything bruh nah. It has been I think. 3ish days since I took that 1.5 so I'm sure a good chunk of its gone but I mean. Normal dose is 30 times lower than that sooo maybe not.

I won't even lie, I'm scared. The burny feeling is so strange and I'm tired of being sleepy all the damn time. It was one thing when it was cause of the dph cause it honestly became second nature to fight the drowsiness of that but this is weird. I can sit here in bed all day and I'd still be super tired by the time I get up to do something. But, it's really not too bad. I should probably be able to hide it for a good nother 2-3 days and by then I'm sure they'd either notice how much extra I'm sleeping or my eyes'll give me away.

I don't mind hiding it really. i am scared but at the same point, hard as it is to read, I do not care about my health. Whatsoever. I can't even be bothered to try to. I've been looking back on all the times I'd sit around wishing I didn't have to be here and feeling stuck as to not hurt anyone. I had a major health scare that ended up getting brushed off and never mentioned and I was sitting there sobbing in my room, disappointed that it ended up being nothing serious. I was just so ready for it to be some big deal and shit and I'd finally be done. I could just have my last few months of fun then go. Sure it'd hurt but it ain't like.. as hurtful. Cause it was out of my control. It doesn't have that same message as me deciding to leave on my own would end up having.

And now I'm hiding cause it'd moreso be out of my control if I didn't. If I let this jaundice shit get too bad I'm going to urgent care no questions asked. I can't exactly talk them out of taking me when my symptoms is just like. OUT. Cant hide or not tell if I wanted to. My gross colored skin and my yellow ass eyes are gonna scream that i need to. If I take some more pills, Ima get found out and gonna have a lot more supervision from my parents. If not also getting thrown in some sort of program or something lmfao

A part of me wanna just keep doing what I was doing before I noticed my bananaification. I know it's stupid and self destructive and that's the only thing holding me back from it but god if I was at my own place I would more than likely keep going til I either A. die or B. in excruciating amounts of pain. I know I should care but. That is the truth. I don't think anything'd change that honestly. My sicklyness even gotten R to get back on the phone with me and it's kinda pathetic but I am really happy about it. Even knowing that she'd dip on me in a second if her partner came back. And knowing she only's responding and paying attention cause I'm sick rn. I mean. It's still admirable that she cares to keep up with me even tho she's sad rn but I mean. I dunno. It's a bittersweet happiness. It's sweet of her but it's weird knowing that I am alone in that feeling. Does that imply if I knew she wasn't thinking about her partner rn I'd have a change of heart?

I don't really know or care to think of all that rn tbh.. Heh uh the withdrawal moodiness is definitely making its place. I'm gonna stop now it'd make no sense to keep whining and I don't want to risk crying while she's on the phone.

[multifandomimagines]

Let Me Show You - A Theo Raeken Imagine

Characters: Theo Raeken x Reader

Word Count: 3469

Summary: Reader is feeling stressed and insecure, so Theo wants to be there for her and make her feel perfect.

Warnings: Smut (female-receiving oral and vaginal), insecurity, mentions of IED

Written by: Josie

A/N: Keep reading after the cut 👀

Disclaimer: GIF isn’t ours - credit to who it belongs to

Y/N sighed as the puffy red eyes of her reflection stared back at her through the mirror. This week had been… different. Every little thing had been going wrong, and each day brought more and more emotion, stress and insecurity. Her under-eyes were dark with exhaustion and her smile wasn’t as bright as it usually was - that is, when it showed itself anyway.

She didn’t even hear when her bedroom door opened and closed softly, didn’t register the light footsteps across her carpet moving toward her; not until the eyes of her boyfriend met hers in the mirror, round with concern. Seeing him so suddenly would usually have elicited a wide grin from Y/N, and she would jump into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. Yet, in the state she was in, his arrival made her feel as if she could finally let it all out. Her emotions overwhelmed her like a tidal wave, and her eyes prickled with tears.

“Theo,” she whispered, her voice cracking, and hurriedly turned around to bury her head in his neck. Almost like a reflex, Theo held her tightly to his chest as she cried, his hand rubbing up and down her trembling back. He slowly walked them backward until his legs hit the edge of her bed, and pulled her shaking body onto his lap.

“Shh, baby,” Theo hushed her sobs tenderly. “It’s okay.” Her head had made its way back to his neck, Y/N couldn’t even look up at him. He wouldn’t show it, because he had to be strong for her, but seeing his girl like this broke him to pieces inside. She was the only person who saw the good in him when everyone else tossed him aside as either a failure or a villain. Either way, he was a lost cause in the eyes of most people. Everyone really… well, everyone except her. Out of all of the people Theo had met in his life, he knew Y/N deserved to be happy more than anyone. She deserved to be cared for, celebrated, loved. As someone who dragged him out of his darkest places, Theo wanted nothing more than to help her out of hers.

Y/N sniffled, and slowly lifted her head from Theo’s shoulder, her eyes staring downward and avoiding the gaze of her boyfriend. She knew it hurt him to see her like this and she wished she could just… stop.

“Hey,” she heard him say. “Look at me Y/N.” His voice was rich with worry for the girl he loved, and she flinched at the thought of causing him grief. It was quick, but Theo saw it, and his heart snapped once again. Slowly, he raised his hand to her cheek, running his thumb along her cheekbone softly, collecting the tears that were slowly drying on her face. She subtly leaned into his touch without even realising she did it, it was like her body moved off it’s own accord, drawn to him. Gently, Theo moved his hand to Y/N’s chin and turned her head to face him.

For the first time since he’d arrived, Y/N finally let Theo see the pain in her eyes. They were glossy and slightly bloodshot, and Theo’s gaze softened at the sight of her vulnerability. “What’s wrong?” He asked a simply question, not wanting to overwhelm her.

“Everything,” she breathed. Theo’s fingers ran themselves through her hair, encouraging her to keep going. Initially she wanted to shrug him off and succumb to her feelings again, but she let him comfort her. “I’m just feeling everything all at once. Theo, I can’t-“

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay,” He held her cheeks delicately, scared to break her fragile form. “Breathe with me.”

It was something Theo had learned over the months. Sometimes Y/N really needed to calm down and just breathe slowly, in and out, exhaling the intensity of her feelings as much as her brain would allow. Though she hadn’t admitted it, Y/N realised that the method worked better when Theo led her through it.

After a minute or so of long, deep breaths, Y/N was no longer jolting with the ghosts of sobs from earlier. Theo continued to hold her close, remaining gentle but tight enough to always remind her that he was there for her. No matter what.

“This week has been so bad,” She began, and Theo stayed silent, realising that she was finally feeling comfortable enough to talk. He felt a small surge of pride flow through him at this, knowing that it was hard for her at times. “I’m stressed. I still have so much work to do, and deadlines are creeping up on me like a freakin’ predator. I’m worried for my brother, he’s struggling with his IED and he’s even been taking his meds, but they keep needing to up the dose and it kills me to see him in the state he gets. I keep screwing up too, like earlier I kept stalling the car, and I broke a photo frame yesterday morning, and I forgot to submit an assignment for grading at the beginning of the week. And I can’t sleep at night… Theo, I’m so tired.”

“Hey, come here,” Theo whispered, pulling her into another hug. “Okay, first of all, you are so smart and every time you get stressed about an assessment, you always go and smash it, don’t you?”

A smile threatened to pull at her lips at his confidence in her, and she nodded.

“Right,” Theo grinned. “Next thing, Liam is resilient, just like you. He won’t let one little setback get him down, and his meds will be sorted before you know it. Plus, he’s lucky to have you as a sister, you know that? You’re always there for him, everyone sees it.”

Y/N shifted on Theo’s lap, looking into his eyes as he spoke. “And,” He continued. “Everyone has weeks where they feel like they mess everything up, even super cool badasses like me.” Y/N giggled, spurring Theo on. “Someone as perfect as you doesn’t need to worry about a few little mistakes. They’re nothing, okay? Not important.” His hand moved soothingly up and down her arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “Is that everything?”

“Um, yeah…” Y/N trailed off quietly, suddenly avoiding her boyfriend’s eyes and sinking into herself. Theo knew her so well at this point that not a single subtle movement would go unnoticed, so he raised his eyebrows at her response. He knew she was holding back, and she knew that he knew. Sighing, Y/N gave in a little. “It’s stupid.”

“What have I always told you?” He said, smiling at her. “You can tell me anything. Anything at all. I’ll be there for you no matter what. You know that, don’t you?”

Y/N nodded and breathed in, slightly shakily. “I feel ugly, Theo.”

“What?” Theo whispered in disbelief, his eyes the size of saucers. He didn’t know what he’d expected, but it wasn���t that. “Baby-“

“I told you it was stupid-“

“No, it’s not that, it’s just-“ Theo searched for the words in his brain. He never thought he’d have to convince the most beautiful girl in the world that that’s what she was. He thought it was just common knowledge, really. “You and ‘ugly’ would never even fit in the same category. Not even in the same universe.”

“That’s just not true though,” Y/N stated, shaking her head, her eyes tired. “I can’t even look in the mirror at the moment. I feel like when I look, I’m not looking back at me. And it makes me cry. I’d rather not see myself at all than to look at that reflection.”

If Theo’s heart wasn’t broken before, the damage was definitely done now. Hearing Y/N, his girl, say that she wasn’t pretty, but ugly, made him feel all kinds of lost and confused, but more so sad, because he wished he could take away her pain and make it all disappear. Unfortunately, his powers of pain transference only worked on physical pain, and he silently cursed that fact.

“How can you not see what I see…” He whispered, almost more to himself than to her. “You know, the first time I saw you Y/N, even from a distance I knew I’d never see anyone as beautiful as you. And now I’m looking at you, months later, and I still think you’re just as stunning. You are gorgeous. You hear me? The most gorgeous ever.” Theo placed kisses on her nose, her cheeks, her forehead as he spoke, causing Y/N’s heart to flutter. His words stirred something in her, and the intensity of his eyes boring into hers made her forget about everything she was worried about. A wave of adoration for her boyfriend washed over her, and she cupped his cheeks delicately, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

Y/N didn’t have the words at that moment, all the emotion was caught in her throat, so she did what she felt conveyed her feelings best. She leaned forward and kissed him, Theo’s lips moving against hers immediately, as if by instinct. It was so soft, so pure, light as a feather. She pulled away from him all too soon, their eyes meeting each other once again, but Theo didn’t feel like stopping. “I want to show you how beautiful you really are,” He spoke lowly, holding her hand and giving a gentle squeeze. “Please baby. Let me show you.”

He didn’t have to explicitly say what he really meant by that for both of them to know, and his request sent warm shivers through her body. She spoke only one word: “Okay.”

Theo connected their lips again, harder this time. Even with just a kiss, he wanted to pour every ounce of love he had for her in it. He would make sure that he made her feel exactly how she deserves to feel. Her hands had moved to the back of his neck, plucking at the hairs on his head, while Theo held her as close as their bodies would allow.

His fingers slid up her t-shirt slightly, brushing the skin underneath. Theo’s fingers were so cold that Y/N gasped against his lips, so her boyfriend took the chance to slip his tongue into her mouth and explore. Slowly, he lifted her shirt up further and further until they were forced to pull away so Theo could tug it over her head and toss it on her bedroom floor.

Of course, Theo wanted to marvel her brilliance as best he could, so he gripped her by the waist and moved her carefully so she was laying flat on her bed, looking up at him. “So beautiful,” he murmured, and waisted no time in resuming their kiss. His hands travelled down her sides as their lips moved in sync like a perfectly choreographed dance, and his hips ground into hers - gently still, yet hard enough to give Y/N friction where she needed it the most.

He dragged his lips to her neck, sucking and biting on the skin to create dark marks to decorate her already perfect body. Theo considered it his finishing touch to her, as he knew she needed him as much as he needed her, which was what made them so perfect. Y/N’s hands roamed his back, one leg secured over his hip to keep him close, and Theo reached around to unclip her bra. His eyes widened - he would never get used to seeing her body like this, and she wasn’t even fully exposed to him yet.

“I love these so much,” He said, lowering his head to one breast and closing his mouth over her nipple, his tongue sliding across her sensitive skin. Y/N moaned as he simultaneously kneaded her other breast with his hand. “I love this one,” He said, moving away from the one he was playing with. “And I love this one.” Theo reattached his lips to her other breast, her rapidly increasing breaths spurring him on.

Y/N’s hips involuntarily bucked up at Theo’s, and he chuckled lightly against her skin at the movement. He trailed his lips back up to her collarbone, her neck, her jaw, all while dragging her leggings and her panties down her legs as far as he could. He pulled away from Y/N’s lips to crawl down the bed until he could completely reveal her entire body. Her leggings and panties discarded on the floor, Theo looked his girl in the eyes as he placed his hands on her thighs and lightly encouraged her legs apart.

Shivering with anticipation, Y/N watched her boyfriend wide-eyed as he licked one long stripe up her centre. Her eyelids fluttered, but she couldn’t bring herself to break the intense eye contact she held with Theo, until he began to flick his tongue against her clit. Her head fell back onto her pillow, arms flying down to grab onto Theo’s hair, feeling his head moving between her legs. She moaned as he licked and sucked at her clit, doing everything in his power to make her feel good, and it was music to his ears. He soon replaced his tongue with his fingers, rubbing her clit quickly, and started licking along her core, like it was his whole life’s purpose to do so.

“Fuck, Theo,” She whimpered, and Theo groaned against her at the sound of her saying his name in such a situation. Her voice held so much vulnerability yet so much excitement, so much feeling, so much love. The vibrations against her core sent waves of pleasure racing through her, and Theo watched through his eyelashes as her back arched off the bed.

Theo removed his mouth from her core, and her head whipped up briefly at the loss of contact, her eyes wide and pleading for something, anything. Barely moment after, Theo pushed two fingers inside her, pumping them at a quick pace. Y/N moaned louder, and Theo pulled himself up so his head was level with hers, staring directly into her eyes as his fingers worked their magic. “How good does this feel Princess?”

“So good,” Y/N breathed, barely being able to find it in herself to speak. She gripped onto his biceps as he continued his work between her legs, moaning with every thrust of his fingers. “It feels amazing.”

Theo smirked slightly, content that he was getting exactly the reaction from her that he set out to get, and leaned down to capture her lips with his once again. He added another finger and picked up the pace of his actions, his mouth drowning her voice as she cried out. He kissed her hard, drawing the breath out of her almost completely, and she could taste herself on his tongue which only brought her closer to the edge.

Feeling her walls clench around his fingers, Theo moved his lips around to her ear. “Are you gonna cum?” He said, his voice rough with his own arousal. He knew the answer, but he also knew that Y/N loved to hear his voice, and it somehow turned her on even more. All she could do at this point was nod frantically, her moans and whimpers making it impossible to get the words out. Theo sped up his actions even further, trying with everything he had to send her over the edge. “Cum for me baby.”

The words uttered into her ear sent her into ecstasy, and she let go screaming Theo’s name. He watched with his mouth hung open as her body pulsed and jolted as her orgasm washed over her in waves, her cries slowing into whimpers and her contorted face relaxing into one of sheer bliss.

A few moments later when Y/N had caught her breath, she reached down and palmed Theo’s bulge through his joggers, eyes widening when she realised how hard he already was. He groaned, dropping his head to her shoulder and tensing at her touch. “N- no, baby,” He stuttered out, voice rough from the feeling. Y/N was confused as he slowly moved her hand away, tilting her head to the side in a silent question. “Tonight is about you.”

Usually she would protest and say that they both need to be pleasured equally, but she wanted him so badly that she didn’t have it in her to argue. Frantically, she yanked his head down and smashed her lips against his, tongue and teeth clashing in desperation. All she wanted was him, and she didn’t want to wait any longer.

She pulled his shirt up his body, almost ripping the fabric with her speed, and he pulled away so she could pull it over his head. She loved to admire Theo’s toned chest and stomach, so she reached her hand down to feel up his abs. She tried to look, but Theo was adamant on her being the one who was worshipped, so he dipped his head and began sucking on her neck once again, causing her head to fall back and a moan to fall from her lips.

As he painted her neck with purple bruises, Y/N reached down and played with the waistband of his joggers, fiddling with the drawstrings. Theo felt her fingers brush him and growled against her neck, hurriedly standing up to yank them and his boxers to the ground, completely exposed before her.

Y/N whimpered at the sight of him, naked and ready for her, and he crawled back over her just as quickly as he’d stood up. Theo looked at her with dark eyes, wordlessly asking for permission to treat her to just what she deserved. “Please, Theo,” She whispered, and of course, Theo didn’t want to deny her anything she wanted, especially when she asked so nicely.

The two of them moaned in harmony, jaws dropped open, as Theo pushed himself inside her, easily sliding in due to her wetness. He moved all the way in until he felt like he was inside Y/N’s stomach, pausing there as they both breathed heavily from the sensation. “Feeling better?” Theo spoke thinly, smiling at his girlfriend’s expression of pure pleasure.

“Miles better,” She replied, thrusting her hips up at Theo, making it known that she wanted more. The chimera began to move, pushing in and out of her at an ever-increasing pace, making sure she felt every single inch of him to give her the best sex possible. Y/N hands roamed his back, nails scratching at it and breaking the skin as she moaned and cursed into his ear.

“Always so tight and wet for me,” Theo groaned, his hair falling messily over his forehead as he moved. “So perfect. Every inch of you is perfect.” He sped up his movements, making sure to hit the spot that gets her screaming, and grabbed at her breast with one hand and delicately stroking her cheek with the other. “I love you.”

Theo was going so deep and fast now, Y/N was so close. Her nails dug into his back as her release approached, unable to tear her eyes away from his as they glowed yellow from the adrenaline. “I love you too,” She spoke shakily, so nearly there, when Theo kissed her hard, knowing she was reaching her orgasm from her clenching walls.

“Now,” He spoke against her lips, and as soon as the word had left his lips, Y/N screamed out Theo’s name at the most euphoric feeling she had ever experienced, shaking and quivering around him. Moments later, as she was still feeling the high, she felt Theo slow his movements as he spilled into her, his own release washing through him like a tidal wave.

After coming down from their high, Theo flopped down next to her in bed, immediately pulling her close to rest her head on his chest, which was still rising and falling. He kissed her head lightly, stroking her hair affectionately, and then pulled the covers over their bodies. He knew Y/N was exhausted, not just from their activities but from her whole week. Her breathing had slowed and he realised she had already fallen into a relaxed slumber.

Theo smiled to himself - seeing his girl finally calm with no stress lines pulling at her face made his heart soar. He hated seeing her so upset, in fact it was his least favourite thing to see in the world, so he vowed to always be the one to lift her back up again.

Theo would always be there for her: rain or shine, any day, any time. And one day it’ll be ‘til death do them part. His smile lingered on his lips as he let his own eyelids closed and he joined her in her slumber, meeting her in her dream.

[whump-a-la-mode]

Hi, could you please write a snippet on Hero whumpee, who's being tortured by the Hero league for being so weak, and when they don't show up for a fight, villian goes to find them, and they're completely shocked at hero's battered condition. So they break them out of there and nurse the traumatized hero back to health?

Apologies if it's a lot!

Ah I’m sorry it took so long to get to this one! It’s such a good prompt, Hero whumper and Hero whumpee. I hope I did your idea justice! Sorry that there’s not much in the way of caretaking, here. I was in the mood for some good classic whump.

CW//Injuries, chains, dehumanization, objectification, blood, black eyes, bruises, self-hatred

When Villain’s flashlight beam landed upon the sight, it was all that they could do not to drop their torch to the ground. It was just about as difficult not to lose their lunch.

They hadn’t known what to expect, when they’d taken on this (rather ill-advised) mission. Certainly not this. Certainly not what they saw before them. Really, anything else would have been better.

It wasn’t their business, even! If anything, the villain should have been glad.

They should have been glad when their nemesis disappeared. And, at first, it hadn’t even been a ‘disappearance.’

The last time that they had seen their nemesis had been a particularly climactic, and particularly violent battle. In the end, it was a fight that Villain had won, leaving their enemy limping away. 

Thus, the next time Villain had taken a bank hostage, it wasn’t the greatest surprise that Hero was not among those dispatched to stop them. They were hurt-- the villain had managed to get in some rather nasty blows. They needed their rest, and most doctors agree that fiery battles in bank vaults aren’t conducive to a fast recovery.

But, then, at the next fight, Hero had not shown their face.

Or the next.

Or the next.

Were they the most well-known of heroes? Certainly not. The Heroes’ League had plenty more shining faces, plenty more perfect smiles and dreamboats. But, then again, Villain was not the most well-known of villains. It was only proper that they should have a more obscure nemesis.

So it seemed, however, that obscurity had led to them simply being forgotten. News media never spoke of their disappearance, far more preoccupied with the week’s best paparazzi shots of Superhero and their closest cohorts.

It was as though Hero had simply disappeared into thin air, and only their greatest enemy had noticed at all. Villain would be lying if they said it hadn’t become an obsession. Not that they liked that old jerk, of course. It wasn’t worry that inspired their charge. No, it was merely curiosity.

Curiosity alone is what inspired them to aggressively search every newspaper obituary section, to hound every local hospital and morgue, to devote their supercomputer’s processor to facial recognition, digging through millions of photographs. All in an attempt to find their Hero.

It was merely curiosity. A pastime. That was all there was to it.

But, after weeks, their efforts proved to all have been for naught. It was as though Hero had simply disappeared, been plucked into thin air.

By the time that Villain decided to break into the Heroes’ League Headquarters, nearly a month had passed since their fight. Since their nemesis, their greatest foe had vanished.

And, here they were.

They’d found Hero.

Villain’s flashlight settled first upon the hero’s body, before moving upwards, towards their face. The further up they moved, so it seemed, the most horrifying the sight was. Their jaw had long ago dropped open, and they had not the will nor the desire to close it.

The longer Hero had been gone, the more outlandish Villain’s anxieties had grown. First, they had assumed that their nemesis was simply recovering from their injuries. Then, they thought that perhaps they had become sick. But, the longer that theory stuck with them, the worse their worries became. What kind of sickness kept someone off their feet for a whole month?

But it wasn’t sickness. No, it wasn’t sickness.

It had been no easy feat, getting here. After switching out the night guards’ coffees with a batch laced with sleeping medication, they had only had to wait a few minutes before they made their entrance. That was the easy part, however. Getting in.

Finding Hero? That was a little more difficult. They had searched all the expected places. Their dorm, the med bay, the cafeteria, the lounge. The gym had been a last ditch effort. After all, Hero didn’t exactly seem like the type for some three-in-the-morning exercise, but they had always been full of surprises.

And, that was where they were. But they weren’t exercising. No, they were in no state to be doing any of that.

When Villain had first witnessed their state, they had believed it to be a hallucination. A trick of the light. But, when they rubbed their eyes and blinked, it was still there, clear as day.

Hero. Their despised, hated Hero, with their stupid, noble smile and bright eyes. Here they stood-- or, more so, here they dangled.

Strung up among a row of leather punching bags. That was where they had found their nemesis, hanging from their wrists. A punching bag. A true, literal punching bag.

And it was more than clear the position was taken quite literally by some. They were nearly nude, clothed in only undergarments that had long since been soaked through with dried scarlet. Otherwise, so it seemed, every last inch of their flesh was positively coated with varying splotches of blue, black, and sickly green. Most were centered upon their exposed stomach, to the point that the bruises simply blended together into one big painting.

Their face was swollen almost to the point of being unrecognizable. Varying strikes had twisted their nose and jaw both out of place, and only one of their eyes was able to open in the slightest.

“Hero.” That was all that Villain could do, call out their name breathlessly.

“Don’t call me that.” Their words were so slow, nearly silent. Injuries upon their neck had clearly caused their throat to swell. “Why are you here?”

There was a moment of pause between them.

“To save you, evidently.”

“No.” Hero sounded desperate. “No.”

“N-What are you, crazy? I mean, clearly! But, what, did your doctor up your dose of your kookoo meds? When was the last time you saw yourself in a mirror?!”

“Villain. Leave.” They croaked.

“And leave you like this? Not a chance.”

“I need this.”

Hero had to gasp for air, clearly not getting enough through their swollen throat.

“What?”

“I need this. I- I failed.” Tears beaded and flowed from their closed black eye. “It’s okay, Villain. T- They’re making me stronger.”

Villain stopped.

It had been a terrible loss, the last time Hero had been on the field. Not only had they wound up injured, so had half a dozen civilians, and god only knows how much property.

But this...

“They’re torturing you.”

“My friends are training me.” Their eyes widened, and they were thrown into a coughing fit. At its end, a spot of bloody phlegm was spat up onto the floor.

“They’re torturing you! Have you seen yourself?! You look like you just got hit by a truck!”

“Please. P- Please j-j-just leave.”

“No.” Villain turned off their flashlight, hooking it in their belt loop. They would need both hands free, for this. “No, Hero, we’re going home. And, for the love of everything holy, you’re going straight to the hospital.”

[luminnara]

It’s Been A Long, Long Time | ch 4

Summary:  When HYDRA had their prized asset, the Winter Soldier, they did something no one ever thought was possible: they gave super soldier serum to an omega. With the sole purpose of tending to him during his ruts, she spends decades living in HYDRA facilities, denied her humanity and her life. Now, years later, Bucky Barnes has his mind and his own life back...and the last thing he ever expects is to see a familiar omega again. Bucky/OC, a little angsty but mostly smutty/fluffy/romantic!

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Taglist:  @kyrah-williams @oceanmermaidwitch @shawnie--jo @super-cape @ferxaniti @namjoonwatcheshentai @fandomsstolemylife00 @youngblood199456 @nightlygiggless @darlingely

Amoretta swam in and out of sleep. Whenever she surfaced, she saw bright lights and strange faces, and, assuming that she was in a HYDRA lab, she decided it was better if she just kept on dreaming. After a while, though, she couldn’t manage it anymore, and she finally woke up enough to actually take in her surroundings.

She was in a hospital bed, and...a gown? She couldn’t remember the last time she had been given clothing. When she tried to move, she found that her arms ached, and she had an IV sticking out of her. Okay, so wherever she was, they were trying to take care of her. Maybe. That seemed like a good sign. 

“Oh, good, you’re awake,” a man’s voice said. “How’re you feeling?”

A figure came into view, blurry at first, and as he got closer she was able to get him in focus. Amoretta immediately stiffened, feeling threatened by this stranger, but as the scent of omega wafted in, she relaxed slightly. She couldn’t smell any alphas nearby, and that was good. 

Two good signs so far. 

“Wh-who are you?” She asked, her voice wobbly and hoarse. Her throat was so sore that talking was painful. 

“My name is Dr. Bruce Banner.” The man said, reaching towards a nearby table and grabbing a water bottle off of it. “I’m with the Avengers.”

Amoretta frowned. “The...who?”

He came near her slowly, twisting the cap off the bottle and offering it to her. “You’ve probably got a lot of questions. Mind if I ask a couple, though?”

She gave a little shrug as she raised the bottle to her lips. It felt strange to hold, the water tasting...different from what she was used to.

“Can you tell me your name?”

She thought for a moment, brows knitting together. “Subject 1096.”

It was Bruce’s turn to frown. “Did you ever have a...different name?”

After a moment, she nodded, trying to remember. It felt like it was on the tip of her tongue, just out of reach. Had it really been so long since she had gotten to say it?

“We can come back to that one.” Bruce said gently. “Do you know what year it is?”

She thought for a moment. “19...1986.”

The doctor pulled off his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose and mumbling something along the lines of “Christ, not another one…”

She got the feeling that she was off by a few years. 

“Well, Ten...is it alright if I call you that?”

She shrugged.

“...alright. Ten, it seems like you were cryogenically frozen for a few decades.”

“...decades?”

He nodded. “Your body seems to have handled it well, though.”

“Did I puke?” She asked, wrinkling her nose.

“Not that I saw.” He chuckled. 

Well, that was a little surprising. She had a tendency to vomit after being wrenched out of unnaturally cold naps. “Where am I?”

“You’re in my lab, at Stark Tower.”

“What continent?”

“North America.”

She made a thoughtful noise. “What month is it?”

“June.”

“So Ursa Major is out?”

Bruce paused. “...well, it’s hard to see with all the light pollution in the city, but...yes, I suppose it should be…”

She let out a sigh. “I miss it.”

Her voice was already sounding tired again, and Bruce was quick to take the water bottle back before it slipped from her hand. 

“You should get some more rest, Ten.” He suggested. “We’ve got plenty of time to get you caught up when you’re feeling more energetic.”

“Mhm.” her eyes fluttered closed. “Doctor?”

“Yes?”

“What city am I in?”

“New York.” He said, looking down at her curiously. “Manhattan, more specifically. Why?”

She smiled a little. “I wanna see...Brooklyn…”

As she drifted off to sleep again, Bruce rubbed his face. Well, that certainly was oddly specific of her to say. It was a good sign that she seemed lucid, though. 

“Captain Rogers is outside, Dr. Banner.” FRIDAY’s AI voice said. 

Bruce met him at the door, making his way out as quietly as possible. Steve looked anxious, standing with his hands on his hips as he waited for news. He hadn’t gotten a chance to find Bucky yet, his friend either working out or sleeping, and all he had managed so far was a quick debriefing and a shower. 

“I ran down as soon as FRIDAY called,” he said. “How is she?”

“Sleeping again. Just missed her.” Bruce said wryly. “Walk with me, I’m starving.” 

Steve fell into step beside him, heading towards the elevators. “Did she say anything?”

“She did. She seemed a bit out of it...couldn’t remember her name, hasn’t been awake since 1986.” He hit the UP button and stood back. “Seemed very interested in constellations, though. And Brooklyn.”

Steve stared at him. “Brooklyn?”

“Told her she was in New York, and the last thing she said before she fell asleep was something about Brooklyn.” Bruce shrugged. “Really interesting thing was her blood tests, though.”

“Blood tests?” Steve asked, stepping into the elevator and waiting for Bruce to join him before the doors closed again. 

“Definitely an omega.” Banner said as they headed up several floors. “Her scent is so muted because they pumped her full of enough suppressants to kill a normal person. Pretty sure that’s why she’s so tired...her body is working overtime trying to process such a high dose. I think it was just pooling in her system while she was in cryo, not really going anywhere, so now her kidneys are doing everything they can to—“

“Banner.” Steve interrupted before he had to listen to an entire scientific explanation. 

“Right. Sorry.” The scientist cleared his throat. “There was something else that I found already. She’s, uh…well, at some point, she was given super soldier serum.” 

Steve froze. “HYDRA gave the serum...to an omega?”

“It’s confusing to me, too,” Bruce put his hands up in defeat. “Thanks to that, though, it’s hard to determine how old she is, or who she is, without her telling us. All I know is that she’s an unmarked omega super soldier with a hell of a dose of heat suppressants to work through.”

“Any idea when she’ll be up again?” Steve asked as the elevator dinged to signal their arrival. 

“Hard to say.” Bruce said, following the alpha out towards the shared kitchen near the common area. 

“I need to get to the bottom of this, Banner. FRIDAY, will you find Bucky? I need you to tell him—“

“Tell him what?” A voice asked. 

Steve smiled in relief. Bucky was there, sitting on the couch with a plate of Alfredo balanced in his metal hand, looking mildly curious about whatever his friend was talking about. 

“Oh, good,” Steve said, approaching him, Banner following behind. “You’re already here.”

“What is it, Stevie?” He asked, an eyebrow raised. 

“Well, as you know, I visited an abandoned HYDRA base today.” 

“I’m aware.”

“And I found...something.”

“...something. What kind of something?”

Steve suddenly wasn’t sure how to describe his discovery. “Well, it’s a...not an it, I mean, I found a…”

“Rogers here brought back an omega test subject.” Bruce interrupted. “She’s down in the lab right now sleeping off some nasty meds.”

Bucky’s posture hadn’t changed, despite how awkward and almost nervous Steve had gotten. He leaned back against the cushions, slurping down a few noodles while he regarded his friend with a mild expression. 

“Alright, so?” He asked. 

“So...I was wondering if you had any idea what HYDRA was doing experimenting on an omega.” Steve said, hands on his hips in a stance that was supposed to say I mean business, so listen to me.

Bucky wasn’t bothered by it. He was the biggest, toughest alpha in the tower, aside from the rare occasions Thor was roughing it down on Midgard with the rest of them. The others could puff up and posture all they wanted at him, but it never had any effect. He was always calm and cool, generally disinterested in their displays. He knew he was stronger, and he didn’t need to prove it, especially not when he didn’t have an omega to fight over. 

He shrugged. “I want exactly privy to all their secrets. I know they kept cells full of omegas around for a while.”

“What did they do with them?” Steve asked.

“Whatever they wanted?” Bucky shook his head. “I really don’t know. If they were experimenting on ‘em, that never concerned me.”

“You’ve gotta know something, Buck.” Steve sounded exasperated. 

“Why do you care so much?” He asked. 

“Because something isn’t adding up.” Steve growled. 

“They gave this omega enough heat suppressants to last a lifetime,” Bruce said. “Her system is all kinds of messed up.”

“Makes sense.” Bucky ate another mouthful. “HYDRA wouldn’t want to deal with hormones going crazy or any unplanned pups.”

Steve stared down at his friend. “Did they let you rut?”

“Stevie, at least take me out to dinner before you start asking about my sex life fifty years ago.” Bucky said dryly. 

Steve just raised an eyebrow.

“...yeah. They did. Think they couldn’t stop my ruts.” He relented. 

“So did they...you know…” Steve trailed off awkwardly. 

“Were you ever given omegas to get you through them?” Bruce asked, proving once again how much more capable of having this conversation he was than Steve. 

Bucky finally had to glance away from them in embarrassment. “Well…yeah. But I, uh...the Soldier, he would just kind of...well, they didn’t really last long, if you uh. Catch my drift.”

Steve paled. 

Bruce gulped. 

“...what? Look, I’m better now, I’m way past that. Besides, I never meant to hurt anyone, I wasn’t myself—“

“This omega is a super soldier.” Bruce said quietly.

Bucky’s face dropped, a flicker of something passing over his face. “...what?”

—

“Finally,” Bruce sighed happily, inhaling the smell of leftover pizza. 

“Bucky, does the number 1096 mean anything to you?” Steve asked. He was sitting in a chair across from his friend, Bruce sitting at the kitchen island while he ate his dinner. 

Bucky shook his head. “Don’t remember any numbers like that. They mostly just called ‘em all omega.”

He was trying to seem cool and collected, but his scent had shifted slightly. Steve could catch just the slightest hint of distress in it, and as he did so, he narrowed his eyes. He may have been separated from Bucky for almost 80 years, but he was still his best friend, and he could tell when he was hiding something. 

“Why would they give the serum to an omega?” Steve asked. 

“Branching out?” Bucky shook his head. “Why do they do anything? They’re HYDRA. They can do whatever they want.”

“So you don’t remember anything about an omega super soldier?”

“I don’t know.” Bucky sniffed defensively. 

“Buck, it’s okay if you do.” Steve growled. “We’re not going to judge you for anything you did. We just want to help her and figure out who she is—“

“Well I don’t know,” Bucky snapped, big fangs bared in a warning. 

Steve responded with a low growl. 

“There’s a lot I don’t remember, or did you forget how many times they wiped my memory?” 

“Seems like you’re hiding something, Buck, and I wanna know what it is.”

“Why do you care? You should just drop it,” Bucky snarled. 

Steve regarded him carefully. Oh yeah. He was definitely hiding something. 

“Hey, hey,” Bruce interrupted from the kitchen, intent on stopping their fight before it could start. “Relax, fellas. Don’t make me get the big guy out to shut you both up.”

Steve backed down. The threat of having the Hulk going after him was enough. Bucky didn’t seem to share the sentiment, though, his lips still pulled back in a blatant display of aggression. It was the first time in a while that Steve had seen him acting so defensively about something, and it was concerning, to say the least. 

“Buck,” he said, voice low with warning. “Are you hiding something?”

Bucky’s nostrils flared angrily and the insinuation that he was keeping secrets, but he managed to reign himself back in, stifling another growl with a loud sigh. 

“I dunno, Steve.” He admitted. “There’s...a lot I don’t remember. If I’m bein’ honest with you, I’m not even sure why I’m feelin’ so worked up about this.”

Steve nodded. It was a relief to hear that Bucky wasn’t acting this way entirely on purpose, at least. 

“You feel okay?” Steve asked. “Not rutting soon, are you?”

“I’m fine, Steve.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.” Bucky snorted. After a moment of silence, he spoke up again. “Is the omega, uh...is she okay?”

“Physically, she doesn’t seem to be too worse for wear,” Bruce said from the kitchen. “The only abnormalities I found in our preliminary blood tests were evidence of the suppressants and the serum. Other than being exhausted and needing to adjust to consciousness again after decades of cryo, she’s fine.”

“Good.” Bucky said, a little too quickly. “I mean...that’s good.”

“She should be awake again by tomorrow. Hopefully, she’ll be up for a longer chat then.” 

“You comfortable talking with her?” Steve asked, looking at Bucky. “It might be good for her to see someone else who used to be connected to HYDRA. Might help her ease into everything.”

Bucky gave a nod, already distracted by thoughts of this omega. Was it possible that the girl he saw in his dreams was real? It was hard for him to know what had actually happened to him and what he had imagined, what with HYDRA wiping his memory whenever they felt like it. Ever since he had gained his mental freedom, though, he had been plagued with nightmares, his sleep always filled with the faces of people he had killed. 

As time went on, they were getting better, but they never really stopped. He just...didn’t always have to deal with the worst ones. Sometimes, he even got to have dreams that were...nice. Sometimes, he dreamt of a familiar scent, one he couldn’t really place and that he could never remember when he woke up. Sometimes, he dreamt of an omega, with long, dark hair, and the prettiest eyes he could ever imagine. He always saw her in flashes, a smile here, a sigh there, and with no idea as to who she was or where she came from, he had chalked it up to his mind trying to give him some relief from the nightmares. It had to be wishful thinking, and nothing more. 

Unless it wasn’t. 

He spent a while chatting with Steve and Bruce before retreating to his apartment. With Tony and Pepper gone for the night, spending it in some fancy hotel so that Stark could give a talk at some expo, and most of the others resting after missions, the tower was quiet. It left Bucky too much time to wander and think, and before he knew it, he was making a detour down to Banner’s lab. 

As soon as the elevator doors opened, he paused. What was he hoping to accomplish, exactly? He didn’t have the kind of clearance that Bruce did. He wouldn’t be able to sneak in, and even if he could, what would he do? Appearing at her bedside would just freak the poor omega out, and that wasn’t the kind of first impression he liked to leave these days. 

He shook his head, pressing the button for his floor and leaning back against the elevator wall. He needed to be patient. Tomorrow, when she woke up, he would be able to see her for himself and decide if his weird dreams had any truth to them. 

Not that he was getting his hopes up. He shouldn’t, after all. He would just set himself up for disappointment. 

Just before the elevator doors slid shut, though, the tiniest, faintest hint of a scent wafted in, and Bucky’s eyes widened. He knew it. He knew that scent, or at least...he used to know it. Somewhere, in a part of his mind that he tried to forget about, he had memories of a peaceful, starry night sky, a hint of pine, and a touch of cinnamon. 

Then, the doors closed, and it was gone again, leaving him confused as the elevator rushed upwards.