#tho if you go back far enough when i was like 2 i apparently watch Bug's Life on REPEAT for DAYS

[theplatypusblue]

COMPILING ALL LEGENDS OF CHIMA SEASON 1 THOUGHTS BELOW THE READ MORE (super long post, written as I was watching)

(I can be a little mean but I promise I’m having fun lol)

Episodes 1 + 2:

Man this shits super boring.

Idk if I can get behind craggers plot line tbh. He’s too much of a dumbass for me to really root for him.

The lore seems really cool so far. I like the settings and the stuff about the legend beasts.

Like?? Forest full of trees that just fall down all the time? Epic.

Legend beasts are especially cool cuz it means this is how Chima characters react when seeing a regular ass lion for the first time:

Episode 3:

Man Laval really fucked everything up.

I have a feeling all of cragger’s dumbass-ness, like, transferred over to laval and now we’re gonna be seeing him making all the dumbass decisions

The only thing I really care about here is the b-plot about Gorzan and his flower. More engaging than the main plot

Episode 4:

Prediction about Laval replacing Cragger as the resident dumbass seems to be coming true

Gorzan is quickly becoming my favorite.

Oh hey look it’s the beavers!! I remember they show up in that one episode of ninjago. I had zero context for what they were all about then but now I know!!

Episode 5:

The gorilla tribe seems like the most chill out of everyone. Gorillas 👍

Can I just say I hate the fucking skunk. He sucks.

Honestly kind of a nothing episode

Episode 6:

Eagle spire does that cool thing where all the buildings are built on super scary precipices. There’s literally a post going around about this exact thing but I can’t find it rn

Oh so the eagles are just a bunch of nerds. A little weird I guess(?) I feel like eagles are usually symbols of strength n stuff so that’s different. It’s giving cloud kingdom.

“Wing girl” tf kinda nickname??

Apparently the ravens are double crossing everyone but I have not been paying close enough attention to what’s going on to really process that

Ok so it was all an extremely convoluted way for the crocs to get everyone to fight each other. And the ravens tried to profit but they’re kinda stupid so nothing really worked out for anyone

Episode 7:

Purble moon??? Epic

Man the bears are so epic just like me fr

Nooo don’t mess w the gorillas they’re so chill :(

I am entirely uninterested in the 100 year full moon skunk fart lore. Sorry.

It’s a little strange and maybe I’m hallucinating but I feel like the animation has has somehow gotten better?? Like the lighting or smthn…. Or the facial expressions???

Oh….. skunk fart lore is plot relevant………

Now that I’m thinking… is that the only skunk in chima?? Cuz rn it looks like just the one guy

Episode 8:

Oh it’s a big boy chi

There’s a fucking peacock?? Don’t know how to spell his name. So wait if he wins who does the chi go to?? He gets it all to himself?

Oh wait nvm it’s probably a cragger thing. Mr. Peacock comes back after retirement or w/ever in order to do some evil shit with the crocs I get it I get it

Gorzan I love you

WHO THE FUCK IS THAT GUY?? Is it a pig? A warthog??? It’s giving Mr. E vibes.

Man idk this episode is structured rlly weirdly. Nothing really fit together very well. It’s alright tho.

Episode 9:

GORILLA EPISODE?? Let’s go dude

It funny cuz I feel like gorillas aren’t actually this mellow irl

STOP FUCKING WITH THE GORILLAS CRAGGER I’LL KILL YOU

Oh hey it’s our mystery mans. Oh nevermind he left again.

There are balloon plants?? Oh yeah those are the things they were using in the other episode. Sorry I wasn’t paying attention to anything else that happened.

Episode 10:

Uhh I forgot to take notes while watching uhhh

The fox guy was cute. I like a little fox guy

This episode managed to make me feel a little bad for cragger!! He wants to do a good job but he kinda sucks at everything :(

It also made me confused abt cruller!!! What are you doing w ur life girl!!!!

Kinda messed up how the wolves had to serve the crocodiles tho… probly for the best she threw away that pledge

If Laval’s dad is right when he says they’re not gonna race for chi for a long time, I’m guessing they’re not gonna do any more racing episodes for some time. That’s fine honestly.

WAIT THAT RHINO GUY’S DYING. Oh nvm. This whole situation is cringe I hope it’s a one-off thing….

Also I forgot everyone thinks craggers parents are dead but really they’re just chilling in that canyon. Kinda funny actually

Episode 11:

Oh man the wolves are fucking everything up

“We all gotta stay here till the walls are fixed” bruh just call the beavers or smthn

Man what is the deal with this shadow wind dude.

If there’s one similarity I could point out with ninjago, it’s all this talk abt ~the balance~. I guess it makes sense since they take place in the same universe, technically

These bears are so cute lol napping does solve everything so true

Episode 12:

Jets travel super fast in the air. If they’re going through a storm Laval should totally be dead by now

Cragger is setting boundaries!! We love to see it. Cruller is acting pretty cringe. In her ~~girlfailure era~~

Is Laval gonna fall in this gorge?? Oh yeah he’s gonna fall in this gorge

Noooo Gorzans underwear is gonna tear

It’s a little sweet how Laval still wants to help out cragger

Episode 13:

I guess I’m still not super into cragger but I pity him a little. He’s trying his best but he’s just a bit stupid. And also his sister sucks ass

Okay. So she may be cringe but cruller is living her best(-ish) life.

That wolf is wearing a really cute apron

Man they were bringing up Shadow wind earlier and I thought they were gonna reveal their identity but now I’m a bit disappointed…

Laval is being peak dumbass rn I kinda like it. “The warm milk of oppression” lol

Pretty cute finale tbh

That’s where Tubi says season 1 ends, so i think I’ll just stop here for now. I guess they’ll bring up craggers parents next season?? For now they’re still stuck chilling in that canyon.

I definitely feel like it’s a show that doesn’t have super strong characters. I think it would better if the show leaned more into the world it’s created instead, if that makes sense. Maybe later the character writing will improve a little bit, and I’ll changed my tune. But!! Who knows. I’m having fun with it.

Idk when I’ll get to season 2, cuz I get super busy sometimes (I started this one a couple months ago but couldn’t finish it till now ugh) but I do want to continue watching!! Eventually!!!

[lliinnkk]

On the 1st read of Misery, when I found that King wrote the book as a metaphor for addiction, I thought he just meant the pills that Paul needs to stave off the pain of his legs. On the 2nd read tho, it becomes more apparent how Annie herself along with just the narrative as a whole is a rly good metaphor for addiction.

(The rest of this post contains spoilers for Stephen King's book Misery)

I especially love how Paul relates the pain to a piling slowly becoming visible as the tide goes in or out over it: the pain being the piling, the pills being the tide, and Annie being the moon that pulls the tides in and out.

Paul originally starts needing the pills for his pain after the physical trauma of the car accident but soon realises he is addicted to them and also depends on them for the emotional trauma of the accident.

Annie, like addiction, is irrational and controlling, trapping Paul in a house in which he is forced to give up on autonomy, freedom, time and his most recent work that he spent 2 passionate years on. He gives up dignity and will to live and he even murders Annie at the end, finally conquering her.

Annie forces Paul to destroy the only copy of his manuscript and make a new Misery book for her. She is a nurse, described as being maternal and loving, supposedly giving Paul the pills for his own good, to make him feel better, even tho the real, more effective solution for his own good would be to take him to a hospital, which would be a permanent solution to his problem. However, she never intended to let him go after his legs healed. After he heals up enough to just wheel himself around in a wheelchair, she chops off his foot, setting him back even further than he was before, making him need her yet again to stay alive.

She is irrational and neurotic, accusing him of things he would never physically be capable of doing and insisting that she is right no matter how much he tries to defend himself

I fucking love this book, it is now my favourite.

Addiction will trap you and convince you that you need it to live, as you rely on it at least at first in good faith, a coping mechanism for the parts of life that you don't want to think about. But it's not a realistic solution for problems, only hurting you more in the end

Something that also kind of stood out to me about Misery, despite it not being mentioned in the book I don't think, is about how Annie never gave Paul anything to do in all that time he spent alone there when she wasn't there. As far as I can remember, Annie never gives him a book to read, a colouring book, a novel, or playing cards, nothing. Absolutely nothing to do, to keep himself entertained. The only things she gave him were a typewriter and her own presence. I think I remember that they would occasionally watch TV together when their relationship was ok ish but other than that, nothing. He was left alone in the house with only Annie and only things that were related to Annie, not even a radio.

I recall a study which was done on I think rats and I think cocaine. Rats in cages were given cocaine and they took it and became addicted to it. However, rats in cages who were given cocaine and other sources of entertainment and activity did not become addicted. They did take the cocaine occasionally but did not rely on it because they had other ways of enjoying themselves.

That makes me think about how it would've been so much easier for Paul to have become addicted on the pills as a relief for his pain when the only source of entertainment or relief he has was his own mind. At least he had "such a vivid imagination" that he "did not get from (his mother's) side of the family" lol

Anyway I love this book so much, I highly recommend it and I relate to it so much

[pomegranates-and-blood]

Drowning (500 Celebration)

500 Celebration Masterlist

Pairing: Hvitserk/f!Reader

Prompt: From the Fluff Prompts category: “You make me happy.”  

Word Count: 3374

Warnings: Topics of drowning and death by drowning. Mentions/allusions to violence and death. A whole lot of angst and some morsels of fluff hidden there. Angst with a happy ending tho. This is, now more than ever after I was gone for so long, probably very OOC. There’s also a lot of introspection going on here, most of this is introspection in fact, since I tried challenging myself a bit. I’m sorry!

A/N: So, I'm still alive and writing for these characters, apparently 🤷‍♀️. It’s been almost a year since I announced my hiatus and well over six months since I posted anything, so: 1) hi again, 2) I’m sorry, and 3) holy fuck, a lot happened since I’ve been away, huh? Anyways, I’ll try to return for good this time! I hope this is alright!

Hvitserk has often, ever since he was a child, caught himself mesmerized -haunted, maybe- by water. By drowning, if he’s a tad more honest.

Ubbe and him never talk about it, not even when in their younger years, quietly, they gave away truths like I hope he never comes back, or when with something darker, something angrier, they reminded each other over the years, I still remember mother’s bruises, or even when they let mead loosen their tongues and admit today to things like I never quite forgave him.

They never talk about it, about her, about what they saw by the edge of that river.

Yet, Hvitserk has seen his elder brother often rush to bring his nieces and nephews back to safety whenever they stray too far into the shallow waters, as if he too sees the hands of a ghost waiting to drag what he loves into the deep; and he noticed the way Ubbe always was paralyzed in fear when he caught himself raising his voice against their mother, as if the knowledge of how much he looks like his father has made him fear the day he becomes like him.

So they never talk about it, but they haven’t forgotten. They never could.

He never could never really understand what drowning feels like, what makes people flail and claw and fight to try and escape, but it never stopped his mind from trying to, and in his nightmares when he was young, it was him his father drowned, it was his own face forced under the still waters as he stood there and watched.

What he has realized, in the aimless musings he allows himself, with his back to a tree in some forest of England waiting for his time on watch to pass, on the nights where sleep eludes him because you aren’t there beside him; is that for as much as the thought of drowning terrifies him, what truly haunts him is the mere idea that he might lose the people he loves to such a horrible fate.

He first realized he feared it so when Ivar almost drowned. It was only the second winter since Ragnar failed to return, and he had argued with Ubbe that he too could be a man, that he too could look after his younger brothers, and while Bjorn took the eldest hunting, Hvitserk took Ivar and Sigurd to the cabin by the river’s edge.

He cannot even remember what Sigurd and Ivar started fighting about, he can only remember he was reaching up to grasp at a pear dangling from a tree, Sigurd and Ivar off his sight for a few moments while he remained close enough to hear his brothers fighting by the pier where they sat. He remembers he was close enough to hear Sigurd’s scream as Ivar fell into the water, yet far enough that he believed the worst had come to pass by the time he dove into the cold water to save his brother.

And he and Ivar do talk about it, when they admit to shameful things like fear of death with small smiles that promise no one but us will know, when they speak of what life before and after their father has been by accompanying each wound with a scoff as if to say but don’t worry about me, when they exchange in truths about what they want most but only in the quiet between battles because accompanying those hopes is the silent admission of if only I were someone else’s son.

So they talk about it, but his brother could never tell him what drowning feels like. He did ask, once, a few days after that incident, and Ivar looked at him blankly and replied with the same thing Hvitserk did when he asked what running felt like, and said, not everything is like something else.

He doesn’t know what drowning is like, he just knows he fears it, he just knows that in some part of his mind he is still haunted by a death that never found him but passed by him, by a ghost that never struck against him but still struck.

But he has learned to overcome it, he has learned to think of drowning and think of Ubbe’s hand on his shoulder shaking him awake from a nightmare where his father’s hands pressed him further and further under the dark water, think of the sound of Ivar crawling towards him on the boat and his grumbling about how much he hates the open water whenever the memory his father’s manic voice telling him to disguise the boats creeps into his thoughts, think of your soft hands cupping his face and your eyes warm with adoration looking into his whenever he feels like being forced under the water by the weight of legacy.

He has learned, and so he isn’t so afraid of drowning anymore, at least not drowning as he used to fear it when he was younger, the drowning of flailing limbs and frantic gasps; and the only drowning he fears now is the one he can’t quite define or understand, the one where someone he loves is holding him underwater, the one where he is watching someone die and does nothing.

But it has been years since he has been afraid of drowning, since he has hesitated before agreeing to join his brothers in a short trip uphill of Kattegat to the river’s edge, since he has flinched when you set your hands on his shoulders as you both enjoy a swim in the warm lake near Thetford.

The last time he remembers feeling that fear was a long time ago. Those first couple of months after first meeting you he’d spend most of his time following you around as you worked, asking questions just to hear you talk, chest growing warm each time he made you smile. So, when one morning he found you waiting for him far from the market where you offered your crafts, and you extended a hand with a smile and asked him if he’d like to go somewhere with you, of course he said yes. He would have done anything to make it so that you kept looking at him like that, so that you kept smiling like that.

You spent the day together, venturing far from Kattegat and into the familiar forests, your hand comfortably in his as you gave away truths about each other, as you traded secrets. When the sun started to fall, he promised to share another secret with you only if you swore never share it with anyone else, and when you agreed, he leaned down and kissed you.

He still remembers what it felt like to feel your lips pull into a smile against his, still remembers the glint in your eye even as you playfully smacked his arm and told him he was a fool.

He might have been, but since that day he has been the only one to kiss you, so he still counts it as one of the best deals he made, however foolish.

Unwilling to let the night end, you had taken him to the edge of the river, watched the moon paint over the calm waters for a few breaths before turning to him, already toeing off your shoes, and daring him to jump in with you.

You hadn’t waited for an answer that time, shrugging off your dress in the blink of an eye and diving into the dark waters without him.

He dove right after you, but try as he might he couldn’t hide from you that it was something more than the desire to join you that drove him in that moment. It had been merely a moment, but his stomach dropped, and his heart felt as if it had stalled its beat, because for a moment, just a moment, you hadn’t surfaced.

Later, while he had convinced himself he had successfully distracted you from remembering anything from that swim aside from his hands and mouth on you, bodies intertwined in a pile of your clothes pretending neither of you were shivering; you asked if you had scared him when you jumped into the river, an adorable tilt to your head and an adoration shining in your eyes that against what his worst thoughts once promised has never faded. Hvitserk chose to tell you about the time Ivar almost drowned when they were children.

Not really a lie, and while he knows that it isn’t enough, he doesn’t know where to start with telling you the truth.

But he tells you, or tries to anyhow, in other ways. He tells you, cannot help but do so, when each morning that finds him with you still in his arms finds him bringing you closer before he has even woken up, a mindless search for the reassurance that you are still there, that you are still real, when the first word that leaves his lips each morning is a call of your name. He tells you when he kisses you goodbye before a battle and grasps your hand to wrap your fingers around a knife, brow pressed against yours and eyes searching your own in the silent request that you promise you’ll do what it takes to keep yourself safe. He tells you after each return from a spring of battle and conquest, when he finds himself absently reaching for you more often than before, chasing after the warmth of your touch and the reassurance of your presence even if through nothing more than a graze of his fingers against yours as you both dine quietly.

He tells you in many ways, and he hopes you understand, he hopes you know that with each whisper of your name in the quiet mornings he is promising I’ll always keep you safe, that with each goodbye he prays is not the last he keeps himself from admitting I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, that with each caress of his hand over your soft skin after too long apart he is reminding the both of you, you brought me home.

It all seems so…insufficient now, and he cannot help the part of him that wonders whether he could have kept you safe if he had told you the truth, about everything, about his fears of losing the people he loves, about how he still feels his Fate has been marked, from beginning to end, by drowning. It is all he has thought about, for as long as he has been in this boat, filled with restlessness and something more bitter, something like fear, as they travel back to what is left of the city where you were waiting for him.

There are few times the Gods have heard him plead, pray.

He did, between hiccupping sobs and hearing Sigurd’s frantic whispers about how he didn’t mean for this to happen, as he tried helping Ivar cough out the water he had almost drowned in, he prayed and pleaded until Ubbe and Bjorn found the three of them and took them home.

He did, hands gripping the railings of the boat that took them home so tightly it hurt for days afterwards, when they got word of Lagertha’s usurping of his mother’s throne, and he was so sure Ubbe had died defending their mother or attempting to avenge her, and prayed to be wrong.

And he does now, because from here he can see the smoke rising over the city where you promised to be waiting for him, and the reality of what has happened is dawning on him, and he prays, he pleads, that the worst hasn’t come to pass, that…that there is something he can do, something he can exchange -his own life, if that is what the Gods demand- to keep you safe, alive.

His breaths stutter past his lips and he grits his teeth to force himself to keep looking at the destroyed city ahead, and he finds himself begging that the Gods allow him just one thing, just this one happiness. He will weather any storm, he will give up anything, he just pleads to whatever might listen that he doesn’t have to give up a life with you beside him, that he doesn’t have to live in a world that doesn’t have you in it.

When he jumps from the boat onto the shallow waters of the shore, he could swear for a moment the electric blue of his father’s eyes is looking back from under the water, but he has no time to dwell on it, for he is running to try to find you before he can think twice about it.

He finally understands now, trying to breathe past the smoke and the fear, searching amongst the bodies littered by the shore for a familiar face and yet refusing to even fathom the possibility that you may be amongst the dead, what drowning is.

Drowning is this. This helplessness, this horror.

He remembers Bjorn’s frown and how alike it was to their father’s, and his brother’s gruff whisper of unhappiness is more common than happiness as they sailed back from Paris with a husk of a father that had been gone long before he slipped away in the first port they docked in.

He remembers all the times he saw the hollowness in Ubbe’s eyes as he let himself linger on the sight of a father with his children, and it is still lodged in Hvitserk’s heart the answer his brother gave when he asked if a simple life would make him happy, we are the sons of Ragnar, is that not enough for any man?

He has seen too many times Ivar’s eyes tinged with blue and his smile tinged with something fragile, and heard too many times the sentence, the promise from a ghost that by his little brother is always voiced as a question, as a plea to have it denied, happiness is nothing.

He remembers all that. And yet, he was foolish enough to tell you, more than once, drunk on love and having lost half his mind to the curve of your smile, you make me happy.

Thinking back on it now, as he searches the town desperately for a glimpse of you; with intrusive thoughts chasing themselves in circles, trying to find something bigger in the sight before him than soot and blood, trying to give to the grief pressing onto his chest a deeper cause than just misfortune, that he walked willingly into those dark waters of his nightmares that first night he spent with you, that every night since, every moment since, have been but him taking another step forwards.

It would have been worth it, to drown, if what robbed him of breath had been the taste of your kiss, but in Hvitserk’s mind the image of himself walking into the deep with your hand in his, dragging you with him, damning you with him.

Someone at his back tells him there is no sign of the group that attacked, that they have left by now. He knows what they mean to tell him by that, he knows it should bring him to his knees to have it confirmed, but he can only manage an absent nod, numbly stumbling over the corpse of a man he once knew, to keep searching.

For all his nightmares where cold hands drag him to the deep, for all his musings where the weight of his father’s rage and his father’s failings push him down onto dark waters, he never quite thought drowning for him would be this, would be just this hollow sinking, this creeping despair making it harder and harder to breathe.

There are no hands dragging him down, there are no cruel faces looming above him, all there is is this horrifying absence, is the painful acceptance that he has lost the ground under his feet. All there is is sinking.

Further into the city he finds the damage isn’t as extensive as in the port and it still looks like the city that saw him kiss you goodbye; that beyond the wall of black smoke still clouding the bloodied streets, there are signs of a fight, of a resistance; that past the smoke there are people moving about, helping the injured and putting out the faint fires.

And hope holds him by the throat, and promises a way out of the water if he just clings to the grip on his throat despite the pain it causes and promises, and Hvitserk’s breath catches, stride suddenly more frantic, more desperate, as he continues searching.

It feels like a last breath, one last gasp before falling into the deep, when he calls out your name.

He is frozen in place as he hears your voice call back, and for a moment he thinks it nothing but a last mercy from Rán as she drags him down in her net, but a familiar figure emerges from behind one of the makeshift barricades, stumbling over a shield as she makes her way to him.

You haven’t made it two steps towards him when Hvitserk is already before you, stumbling, falling, running to hold you again, to wrap his arms around you and remind himself you are safe, to bury his face in your neck and take the gasping breaths of a man that was just pulled from the depths of the sea.

There’s a part of him worrying that he is holding you too tightly, that you might be injured or hurting and he should relax his hold on you, but he can’t make his body obey him right now, he can’t control how tightly he holds your body against his, he can’t control the tremble of his arms, the buckling of his knees as he almost brings you both to the ground.

Your voice, quiet and warm, washes over him as you murmur words he cannot understand right now, what he is sure are promises that you are alright, that it is all alright; and your arms are around him, holding him just as tightly, hands trembling as they cling to the edges of his armor.

Underneath the smoke there I still the faint scent of you, of the lavender oil he has spent many nights tasting on your skin and something softer that is just you, and it helps him slow his breathing, it helps him follow the motions of your hand on his back and find a rhythm.

When his breaths are no longer the desperate gasps for air of a man that understood finally what drowning is from entirely too close, Hvitserk makes himself pull away, just enough that he can rake his eyes over you and see for himself that you are safe, that you are unharmed.

Still, because losing the warmth of your body against his dropped a weight on his chest he wasn’t expecting, he reaches to grasp at your hand tightly, perhaps a tad franticly.

Your smile is trembling but still you reach with your hand to cup the side of his face, a ghost of a caress over his skin that more than ever feels like could break him; and the sight of you now, the feel of you now, is enough to undo him.

Hvitserk leans forward, letting his eyes fall closed as he presses his brow against yours, and though his heart still feels if it had been torn from his chest, and his hand cannot let go of yours no matter how much he tries, with you so close, your lips brushing his, he feels he can finally breathe.

There is much he should tell you, he should give name to the relief making each beat of his heart hurt and say I am so happy you are alright, he should voice his fear if only to be reminded it isn’t real and admit I thought I had lost you, he should give away one more truth and tell you drowning feels like a world without you.

Instead, voice a whisper and breaths one, he says,

“I love you.”

Thank you for reading, hope you liked this! Would you believe me if I told you this started out as a happy/fluffy piece? 🥴

I tried challenging myself and writing something with no dialogue but with a moving plot anyways, and idk if I did well, and I’m sorry if this sucks, but it was fun to write at least!

Anyhow, I’m sorry for the long absence! Tbh I debated a lot on coming back here and posting my stuff again, but for now I’m motivated, and I’m back. Sorta. Kinda. Fingers crossed.

But yeah, I am motivated, and I have a lot of things that I wanna share too, so hopefully I’ll see you again soon!

Taglist (so I don’t know what to do with taglists, I kept them as they were but idk. If you wanna be removed or smth please lemme know)

500 All: @youbloodymadgenius​​ @xbellaxcarolinax​​ @1950schick​​ @ietss​​ @peachyboneless​​ @encounterthepast​​ @maggiescarborough​ @fae-sedai​​ @zuxiezendler​​ @crazybunnyladysworld​​ @stupiddarkkside​​ @northumbria​​ @sagyunaro @aprilivar​​

500 Hvitserk: @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie​​

[celestialgloaming]

6, 8, 23, 34 !

6. Describe your dream home. Honestly pretty close to my current one. It's Relatively compact, but has a spacious balcony you can properly go outside on. I think i'd prefer to live with less other people but I can go either way. I'd love a bit of a bigger living room, one that's not cramped when trying to play ttprgs . In general I think I like things to be just big enough, but not too big. I think my dream would be a balcony facing the sunset, somewhere I can sip tea, eat biscuits, and watch the sunset.

8. What’s your favorite show to binge?

High key I find binge watching pretty stressful. The only long series of full length tv I can think I've properly binged is Breaking Bad. Which is amazing but that's not a hot take. "Binging" for me is mostly watching a 12 episode anime in like 2 days, which isn't actually a big binge. But in that case it's Yuru Camp my beloved, I've at least watched it, like, multiple times!

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

Lately I've unfortunately caught "listens to VGM" disease and been been mostly listening to the Guilty Gear OST which I mean out of all OSTs is one of the less embarrassing but still I need to get back into listening to a variety of bands.... remembering song and band names is hard for me tho. But! I'll give 5 of my faves here, mostly focusing to ones I don't think most people will know but there's a mixture:

Hemlocke Springs, apparently she got famous through tiktok? Anyway her music is such a vibe I love it

Smiling Broadly/Twinkle Park, I feel like the you and probably most of the kinds of people that follow me know Hazel the anime youtuber, well she makes music and I've been really into it lately.

Astrophysics, he's a synth guy on youtube. Love both his own stuff and his Miku covers, though I think I found him through his JoJo's synth covers. Still need to listen to his new album. A lot of his own stuff is a bit more breakcore-ey so it can be hit or miss for me but when it hits it hits.

Covet, a math rock band. Math rock is always super chill to me, I need to start listening to it more again.

MARINA, far from obscure but I ran out of more obscure ideas. Her older stuff is just, The Vibe, I'm obsessed.... I should do it at Karaoke next time I go to it!

34. What’s your coffee order?

I haven't ever actually tried coffee.... but I like bitter drinks so I should try it!!!

[skzoologist]

I'M BACK I'M BACK-

I spent the entire weekend at the hello82 ATEEZ pop-up in my city and omg, there were so many ppl,,,I talked to staff a lot these last few days and apparently ppl started lining up around 7 am to me further up in line,,,,(for reference, staff arrive at 11 am and the pop up doesn't open until noon),,,,they sold out in 2 and a half hrs Friday, 2 hrs Saturday, and 1 and a half hrs Sunday,,,,the amt of dedication some of these ppl have scares me, esp since it was 43°F (6°C) in the morning 😭😭

I'm still in shock over just how much has happened over the weekend, starting from the countdown live Thursday night before the MV and album dropped 💀

I ended up buying a signed album (BY MY BIAS NONETHELESS?? LIKE HELLO?? WHAT- 😃) and a pop up exclusive vinyl (I ALMOST did not get to buy it cuz they sell things out so fast even tho I was 9th or 10th in line) :D

THE POPUP AND HELLO82 EXCLUSIVE DIGIPACKS SOLD SO FAST?? Esp today, the Digipacks were out of stock by the 4th person in line,,,,all 4 of the first ppl in line bought 4 Digipacks EACH and I was walking around Sunday at the venue (being kinda nosy) to see what ppl got, and one of them had bought 1 of each version PLUS a signed album 😭 and Saturday, I watched a person walk out with like, one of each item (vinyl, at least 1 of each of the 3 versions of the album, and I think like 2-4 Digipacks and a signed, or if not, 3 signed versions of the albums 😭😭), and staff was nervous that their bag was going to break even thought they separated their stuff into 2 bags already 😭

I also spoke with someone in line who was in line all 3 days and they said they didn't sell out as fast on Friday because everyone was being careful to make sure more ppl could get the chance to buy something, but it seems they ran out of stock so quickly on Saturday and Sunday because some ppl up at the front bought up to the max limit, leaving the others with no chance of getting them which sucked 😭😭

I went thru so much gas this weekend for the pop up and the Cupsleeve events that went on in my area,,,,I started the weekend with a tank that was 7/8th of the way full, and now I'm down to 1/6 💀

But it was a fun weekend and I'm happy with everything I got, kinda wish some of the ppl up at the front of the line thought a bit more ab the ppl at the back when purchasing tho,,,cuz apparently they were there all 3 days and maxed out the purchases of at least 1 thing each day ;-;

- 🐹

WELCOME BACK 🐹 ANONNIE!

Oh my god, excuse my language, but holy fucking shit. As a small lil european country living person, this sounds insane to me. Standing in line for what, like 5 hours? In nearly freezing temperatures? What now? 😀

Yea, lately it's been crazy with all the stuff happening, and I feel like only more will happen, you know? It's a scary thought lol

OMG, CONGRATS! 💜 Now why do I feel like you will make those your family heirlooms tho-

Yeah, okay, no, people buying several things and basically buying the whole stock up? Excuse me? 💀 The more I read, the more I see just how lucky you got to get all your stuff, what the hell, I'm shooketh 💀💀💀 (as far as I know, there are no such events in our country, so this really blows me away)

YOU SPENT HOW MUCH GAS?????? DARLING DEAREST, WHAT THE--

Also yea, it's sad that people selfishly buy them all up and don't leave enough for the others. Maybe the purchases per person could be even more limited, but then again, I don't know much of these events so I'll shut up instead before someone tries to eat me alive lol. And hey, if you had a fun and nice weekend, then that's all that matters! Hope it was a nice break from the stress in your life.

[the-unknown-void]

Dysfunctional Shephard Siblings (Heavy Headcanoning)

I love them, Mitchell(HDTF), Adrian, and Alice(OC) They all kinda want to kill each other, uh- Mainly Mitchell I mean, yeah it’s really just Mitchell they want to kill.

Mitchell(He/Him): Struggles with lacking sympathy/empathy, he often can’t conceptualize the effects of his actions which leads to making quite a few stupid decisions or doing bad things and being confused when people are upset with him. He was hella homophobic when he was younger, main issue- He is gay, so actually he was just hating himself. He still hates himself to this day but for way more and bigger reasons. Nick is literally the one thing keeping him in one piece these days. I can literally never decide whether he’s younger, older, or twin of Adrian

Alice(She/They): Was the favorite child, thought her older brothers died when they never came back again. She made the choice to join Civil Protection to live slightly above bare-minimum. Unfortunately this made even her parents turn away from her and she became isolated for her actions. Eventually becoming a total shell of her former self as years went on. She was mostly guard around Nova Prospekt until Mitchell made the deal with the Combine, then ended up on his ship. And she hates it there, and she thinks Mitchell is an annoying asshole.

Adrian(He/They): Used to be pretty rambunctious as a kid, he and Mitchell liked to rough-house even though he would always kick Mitchell’s ass. (He got more chill as he got older) He started seeing the G-Man somewhere around when training for the H.E.C.U started, and let me tell you- He does NOT take being watched too well, he becomes paranoid from it and.. it just gets worse from there, the guy already had bad mental issues but now he’s just slowly going insane, and THEN the Black Mesa incident happens and uh,, Yeah he becomes sort of unhinged and a loose cannon at this point. He’s taken in by lesbian scientists tho(Gina and Colette) so that’s good. Oh yeah his gas mask basically became a comfort item to him because I said so

Apparently my idea of Adrian isn’t far off based on what I’ve heard about Marines being kind of unhinged.. And if you couldn’t tell, I yeeted Mitchell’s original “childhood story” from HDTF cuz 1. Didn’t like it, and mostly 2. I already had headcanons for Adrian’s family/homelife and I didn’t wanna change them.

Mitchell do be hella committed to things he sets his mind to no matter how long it takes which like dude,, you’ve gotta give em some credit, that’s something I could never do, how do you keep a commitment to a goal for 20 fucking years!!??

I have so many little tiny headcanons for these guys, like things that are totally meaningless and have 0 weight on ANY story But here’s a silly n cute one: When Adrian and Mitchell got bored enough in the house, they would sometimes sit down with their little sister as she watched like MLP or something. They know the MLP lore because of it lmao

Sorry I just kinda wanted to talk about these fellas, I tried not to get too deep into them, just wanted to ramble a lil’ bit.

[drewsaturday]

exocolonist round 3

BOTANIST AGAIN J;KLSDKJLF i guess that's what happens when you spend all your time maxing out biology stats early on so your mom doesn't die

i didn't unlock the bar in time to fix dys and tang's relationship but i got far enough to know that instance and besk 100% explored each others' bodies. i'm guessing tang's gender stuff probably sparked some of her curiosity with science, but i kind of think instance was a role model for her in that field and inspired her to go further with it. and while i know it's cyclical, tang doing science means she inevitably gets closer with instance, i just want to believe instance looks after her specifically bc of whatever her relationship had been with besk. and she probably feels a little bit fucked up about not being able to keep dys close and safe the same way but maybe that reminds her of besk which makes it even more fucked up.

dys became a gardener :( but mended his relationship w tang apparently.

SYM MOVED IN WITH ME JLK;SDFKLJ i was so close to dys/sym polycule times. i love the domestic miscommunications of interspecies roommates so much.

i guess i did end with 2 alien boyfriends if dys became a gardener and sym and i basically got married, even if i think it's not explicitly romantic in this ending

i actually got peace this time!!! governor marz let's gooo. i just know the sad dejected pathetic little meow meow of a man lum probably became is catnip for tumblr girlies.

I GOT CLOSE ENOUGH WITH REX TO GET THE "GOOD BOY... TO GOOD MAN" LINE IN THE ENDING AND IT KILLS ME

but then i got the line about how his furry genes shorten his lifespan and i'm still laughing but also sad

i also watched old earth porn with him at some point during this run

DAD'S GROWING DIZZYWEED??? DRUG DEALER DAD???

MOM DIDN'T DIE BY AGE 60 THIS TIME!!!!

i adopted my hopeye and vriki but not the unisaur :( didn't spend enough time in the swamps. still good tho. hoptimus prime kills me every time.

i did save everyone possible from dying just not from half of the emotional shit i'd like to

lastly i let sol be a boy at first and it felt so wrong. then i let them have a feminine appearance and i think it gave ME gender dysphoria. so back to androgynous they/them sol every time.

i want to do an ultimate hero run sometime and fix EVERYTHING but i think next time i need to just focus on other things and partners etc to mix things up and see what happens, probably at the cost of many lives j;klklsdfklj. i don't waaaant to get close to vace but i've heard you can make him go to therapy which is rly funny to me, and i want to spend more time at the bar and maybe try breaking up cal and tammy for funsies. or become governor. or blow everything up.

[thesecretoflivereactions]

Were bag with a girl and her guar dog (among a bunch of cats ^^') and we will finish this Anime today - no, that is a lie, we will watch it as far as it is currently going as it is in fact not finished yet at all.

As cute as this anime is, it also shows you that you sometimes do really unhealthy things because of love. Holding hands like this surely feels amazing, but at the end of the day it happened because they pretended to be a couple and not because of real romance. So she is fooling herself right now and eventually, she will have to wake up and face the harsh truth that he is not in love with her and she was just stealing time - I believe he is in love with her, bust she doesn't know that and assumes otherwise.

I think this is a bit too much to believe it, but its still cute.

He realized she kissed the dog plushie she wanted so badly because she actually wanted to kiss him... and that is his reaction? Slow down man!

Okay. That looks innocent enough. We let it slide.

Don't kiss her when she is asleep! The Western fandom will call you a rapist and ban this anime from western-lands because apparently we have no more sense for romance here ^^'

Seriously tho, it would be more fun if she knew you kissed her.

Episode 6 is over and he didn't kiss her. He asked how much longer he must wait in his thoughts and I couldn't agree more XD

I have to admit that I kind of miss this kind of girl talk. You know, back when we were still innocent and talked about that moment our crush accidentally touched us XD Ah... youth.

This guy has decided to piss off Mr.Bodyguard ^^'

(He was in the intro, so I guess he will get kinda important even tho he only showed up in episode 7...)

Oh! I am all in for that. It reminded me of the mess that was Ranma 1/2 playing that one. Ending with the fake-kiss we all have been waiting for XD

Don't you dare give me a fake-kiss too!

True friends XD

To this day I still wonder if they really do handle so much stuff by playing rock-paper-scissors in other countries ^^'

By the way... there goes my chance for a kiss scene, because Mr.Blond-Guy plays Romeo now V.V

He might not be Romeo but he uses the excuse to rehears with her really well XD

Episode 7 is over. After Episode 8 there are only two more episodes left for now. Lets hope we get a kiss before that, but I shouldn't get my hopes up ^^'

Ooooookay XD

Okay, this is way more than what would be allowed on the list XD

THIS is your biggest problem right now? Did you notice that his hands wandered downwards?

Come on! If we can do this you might as well give us a damn kiss!

[somedaytakethetime]

Heyhey, I hope youre doing well altho, I guess you werent that happy with the whole last match week either. 😑 I havent watched any matches of Kaspers new club yet but I check the results. So they barely qualified for that European league thing but dont look too good in there own league, maybe Kasper should of checked out this club more thoroughly before going there and not relied on there name being a sign. 😩

To be fair I can’t complain about Milan they won most of their matches and were never going to win all 38 so thats perfectly okay. They even played well and won today but I just had to watch back some parts of the match to make sure I didn’t imagine that. 😆😆 Especially at the beginning of each half they looked a bit asleep but I guess Bologna were just bad. But I really dont get why they buy so many players for positions that already have 2 or 3 options, what do they need 50 defenders for they should get someone who can cover for the midfield back pair, I already dont like how Sandro is playing the 90 minutes every match even when he doesn’t appear fully fit altho maybe I’m just over protective when it comes to him, or not maybe thats 100% the case. 😅😅 But he already missed the first match because of an injury and ofcourse I want him on the pitch as much as possible but would be almost okay with him sitting out some matches over the season because he also looks so outrageously pretty watching in his sexy smartass glasses. 😍😍 Not too many tho, he can always coach Milan in sth like 20 years and look handsome on the sideline then. 🙂💕

I’ve been checking up on Insigne for you, he’s back and played really well today and also scored a goal. 🙂 Toronto even has another italian that I had no idea about, Federico Bernardeschi and he scored too, how are there suddenly so many Italians in this league?? Maybe I should watch it more but theres really not enough time for everything! 🤯 x

~S.A.

Hello hello!! I hope you have been well too friend! My clubs were specifically made, by the Demon himself, to cause me suffering and pain. So far with Nice I've gotten three red cards, only one clean sheet and MANY near heart attacks watching.. seeing the second leg of the play-offs for the Conference League nearly had me in tears. I almost died when Beka Beka scored that second one, I was so happy I couldn't believe my own two eyes had seen that with my own two eyes. Leicester has also kept on clowning.. the one match that they apparently did decently wasn't even televised so I didn't get to see Iversen, my other Danish keeper roll, defend penalties 😭😭😭

I have to watch Milan back later tonight yesterday I kept up with the scores only and was tickled to see they scored twice one for my own child and one for the big French Daddy, love that for Oli 😌 SANDRO LOOKED AMAZING IN THOSE GLASSES AND I DIE ON THE HILL THAT HE SHOULD *ALWAYS* WEAR THEM!! Not during matches off course, but every time he's not training? Everywhere he goes? I WANT THOSE GLASSES /ON/! I don't understand the transfers either, but this window has been a confusion and a nightmare so it's really hard for me to understand even 1/8th of the guys each team has brought in and WHY LORD?? EXPLAIN!!

GO MY LITTLE SHORT KING GO!! I'm so happy Insigne scored!! Also.. BERNA WENT TO THE MLS!?? WHAT?? WHO ALLOWED THIS!? Then again I'm happy you can peep on Berna from time to time he's... easy on the eyes you know? 👀😏

[novamirmirsblog]

Favourite crime pt 2

Natasha Romanoff x reader

Word Count: 2936

Genre: angsty fluff? or fluffy angst 👀

Request: yes

Warnings: swearing, mentions of cheating, slight coercion into sex (it doesn't happen tho)

Part 1 is here

A/n: The long awaited part two is officially here. I had lots of people who wanted the reader to move on, people who wanted them to get back together and people who wanted both. Thank you everyone for your INDECISIVENESS (kidding. ily). Also Emma was a randomly generated name - I'm sorry :3

Did I write this fic instead of sleeping? Yes. I have no regrets.

It had been a year since you moved back home. The seasons had come and gone and with that, so had your thoughts of Natasha. The same could not be said for the assassin. She had spent a blissful 3 months with Bruce before he had dropped off the face of the Earth and she was missing you. By the 5th month, she had stopped moping about and tried to find you. She searched everywhere but your town was large and unfamiliar and you didn’t want to be found.

Natasha both regretted what she had said and didn't. She regretted it because she realised just how much she adored you once she saw all the areas Bruce fell short in. You knew her better than she sometimes knew herself. You knew when to back off and when to put pressure on. You knew when she needed control and when you needed to take control. You knew when she wanted ice cream or when she wanted brownies. Bruce didn't. However, a part of her didn't regret those nasty things she said because she really didn't deserve you. You were everything she wasn’t, and she didn't know how to measure up to you.

She never voiced these concerns and so they festered and grew until she believed the only way out was to cheat. She knew that was the only thing that could drive you away. Natasha had told you all about her past, how she believed the Red Room had stripped her of her humanity – of her choice whether to become a mother. She knew there were other ways to have children - of course there were, but she hated the fact they had taken that option from her.

You were not like Natasha. You voiced your concerns which is why she knew exactly what to say and do to get you to hate her. Your previous boyfriend had cheated on you with your once best friend. You had watched as your father cheated on your mother and how that made her a hollow shell for a while, her never understanding why the man she loved could hurt her in that way. Supposedly, everyone models their future relationships on what their parents’ relationship looked like. Perhaps that’s why you kept choosing the cheaters. You were content with where you were. You had a forest, a busy town, and a beach all within a 15-mile radius of your house. You were far enough from civilisation that you could forget about reality for a while but close enough to occasionally dip back in whenever you wanted to.

You had kept in contact with Tony and Pepper, congratulating them on the arrival of Morgan and insisting that they should visit. You also continued to occasionally talk to Wanda when Carol was off world. Carol was overjoyed when she found out you had started dating someone new.

You had met Emma when you were taking a dip back into reality at the local supermarket. Her blonde hair vaguely reminded you of a woman you used to know, and you guessed that’s why you felt drawn to her. It wasn’t the electrical crackle that stole your breath away like your first meeting with Natasha, but it was something. Emma could occasionally be a little controlling, but you guessed that’s what normal relationships were like. She didn’t like you going to bars or pubs anymore and you certainly weren’t allowed in any clubs. You didn’t mind it too much as you hardly minded giving up a few nights out if it meant you could have something that resembled normalcy.

“Who’s that?” Emma asked, your face illuminated from your phone as the ding rang out.

“A friend. He’s bringing his wife and new baby over tomorrow and was reminding me to baby-proof the house.” You smiled lightly as you texted Tony back. You hadn’t mentioned to Emma that you were an ex-avenger, but it just kept slipping your mind.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Who is he? Where will he be staying?”

“I just forgot. Sorry. He’ll be staying here.”

“But you only have a single bed.”

“Yeah. I was planning to sleep on that and Tony, Pepper and the baby can stay in my room.”

“You mean our room.”

You said nothing, too engrossed in arguing with Tony about how under no circumstances will there be any celery in your house. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to do.

“Our room, right Y/n?”

“Um yeah.” You wave her off was apparently your second mistake, but you didn’t multi-task too well and so half answers were all you were good for while texting.

“I have been your girlfriend for 3 months Y/n. The least you could do is answer me properly and tell me what’s going on in your life.” She huffed, pushing your feet from her lap, and turning to face away from you, all of which you missed. You really weren’t having that evil green vegetable in your house.

“Seriously, what is even so important that you’re ignoring me right now!” Emma’s voice cut through the fog, and you looked at her with a blank expression. It was times like these that you really missed Na- No. You refused to go there. You didn’t miss her. You were over her.

“No celery.”

Emma threw her hands up in the air. “You seriously don’t see what’s wrong, do you?”

“No.” You tilted your head, confused at what your girlfriend was talking about.

“Well, I’m not just going to tell you! Jesus. You should know. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Emma stood up in a huff, making a lot of noise while getting ready to leave.

“Okay – bye” Your attention was bought back to the phone when Tony sent you a cute video of Morgan crawling about, probably as a bribe to get you to buy celery. You stood, watching the video a few times before you shut off your phone, finally getting around to babyproofing your house.

~~~~~

Babyproofing a house was a lot more work than you originally thought. You had spent most the night picking sharp objects up from baby-height areas and making sure you hadn’t left any weapons about. All the guns taped under tables had to be relocated and you found enough change to set you up for retirement. You just hoped and prayed there were no small beads for Morgan to choke on. You didn’t even get around to putting soft corners on the edges of tables and counter tops, but you told yourself that it was survival of the fittest at that point. The whole endeavour had taken most the night which is how you found yourself with only an hour till Tony, Pepper and Morgan arrived.

There was a knock on the door, and you saw that you were 15 minutes late. Luckily your girlfriend had arrived half an hour before so you figured she could let them in. You shouted down, telling her to get the door as you finished putting on your socks.

“Hiya baby!” You cooed at Morgan babbling in Pepper’s arms, watching as her chubby hands reached for your hair, grabbing on with a crazy amount of strength. “Oh my god you’re strong. Pep, are you sure she’s Tony’s? I’m pretty sure she’s as strong as Thor.” You laughed, looking over at Tony. Your face dropped into careful neutrality as you saw the redhead standing behind him.

“Of course she’s mine doofus. We had multiple paternity tests.” Tony winked.

You didn’t know what to do. You weren’t ready. Your throat went dry as you asked if anyone wanted any drinks, your girlfriend waving them into the living room. You prepared the drinks, and you felt a presence behind you, wrapping their arms around your waist, their head resting on your back. You hated it. You felt suffocated. You took a breath and handed half the drinks to Emma, opting to grab a wine glass and fill it with the wine you had been saving for a special occasion. It might not have been a special occasion, but you needed something strong to get though the next few hours and you knew this would do the job.

You made your way back into the living room and Tony gestured to Emma “I don’t think we’ve met yet.”

“I’m Emma.”

“Tony. This is Pepper, Morgan and Natasha.” Your heart dropped at the mention of her name, realising that she wasn’t some cruel hallucination but was in fact standing in your living room.

“Sorry. I forgot to introduce you all.” You smiled and took another large swig from your glass.

“Hey how come you’re the only one with alcohol?”

“Because you’re a parent now.” You rolled your eyes at Tony, feeling Natasha stare holes into your face.

“So I need it even more!” Pepper hit Tony as he said that, causing Morgan to laugh.

“Don’t worry about Y/n getting drunk, she can handle her alcohol pretty well.”

“We know.” Natasha finally spoke. Her voice bought back floods of memories and you realised you missed her voice – just the tiniest amount. “Who exactly are you to Y/n?” To anyone else, the question was flippant, like asking about the weather but you, Tony and Pepper could all hear the carefully laced venom within her words and while the question sounded like it was aimed at your girlfriend, you could tell she was speaking to you.

“Where’s Bruce this fine day?” You shot back, not letting Emma speak.

“My question first.” Natasha finally turned her gaze to focus on you.

“Why are you here?” You felt Emma’s arm slither possessively around your waist. Perhaps if it had been another day, you would have appreciated it but right now, you felt like you were drowning. She held you too tight, you couldn’t move.

“Ah.” Natasha wore a smug look on her face and yet her eyes flashed with hurt. You hated that she had found out information you weren’t willing to give.

“Why are you here Agent Romanoff.” You wanted- no needed her to answer you. You needed to know why she came to you. Then you looked at Tony. “Why would you bring her here?” Your voice was level, Morgan was pulling at your leg to get you to pick her up. You used that as an excuse to escape your girlfriend’s grip.

“We need you back.”

“So you bring your baby to try and bribe me back?” You ran a hand through your hair, lightly bouncing Morgan. “That I can understand but why bring her?” You waved at Natasha, feeling both her and Emma’s eyes bore into you.

“She’s part of the team too and you both need to get on.” Pepper said.

“You were in on this too?” Your throat felt tight. You couldn’t breathe properly.

“I’m sorry but who exactly are you?” Emma asked. Natasha scoffed at her, folding her arms, and rolling her eyes.

Everything was a little too loud and muffled. It felt as if you were underwater. The sun was too bright, and it made everything a little too hard to look at. You could see your furniture, but it wouldn’t stay in your brain long enough for you to fully register it. You placed Morgan on the sofa and took a deep breath, closing your eyes to focus. When you opened them again you looked straight at Natasha.

“I am not going to play nice with you. You broke me and now that I’m moving on you suddenly decide to show up? No. I don’t believe it. Why can’t you just let me be happy? Leave me alone. Besides, I thought I was a ‘fun little distraction’.” You spat at Natasha. You were tired of being the bigger person. She had hurt you and you wanted to watch her bleed. It’s why you leant over and kissed Emma harshly, why you let out a slight moan so Natasha could hear. It didn’t matter that it was completely fake because even though you knew you should feel satisfaction at Natasha’s hurt face, the twinge of sadness upset you more than you would have liked.

Natasha knew the kiss was forced. She knew it was, but it didn’t stop the knife digging deeper into her heart. You had moved on and she had to respect that. She had said some awful things to you, and you really did deserve someone much better than her. You stormed out of the house, saying that you were going for a walk, leaving your girlfriend to entertain your guests.

~~~~~

It was dark by the time you got back. You saw Natasha on the sofa and ignored her as you walked straight to the guest bedroom. All you wanted to do was curl up and sleep this horrible day into the past but unfortunately for you, you had a girlfriend sitting on the bed.

“This bed isn’t big enough for-” Emma cut you off with a rough kiss. “Emma not now-”

“Yes now. I want to remind your ex what she’s missing.” Emma went back to kissing you and you wanted to cry. You didn’t like her possessiveness, didn’t like her jealousy. With Natasha that had been fun but with Emma, it made you feel afraid.

“Emma seriously.” You grabbed her wrist, not letting her reach into your underwear.

Emma huffed and stepped back. “What’s your problem?”

“I’m really tired. Can’t we just sleep?”

“It’s your ex, isn’t it? Why is she even here? I can’t believe you were going to just let her stay here and not tell me!”

“I didn’t know she was coming!” You were both stage whispering, conscious of the fact there was a baby that most likely didn’t sleep all that often.

“Then kick her out!”

You said nothing. You couldn’t just kick her out. That wouldn’t be fair.

“Oh my god you still love her. You still love her and she’s in love with someone else. Or she was. Ha.” Emma let out a bark of laughter. “That’s so fucking rich. You know what, crawl back to her but don’t come crying to me when she fucks you over again do you hear me?”

“Emma that’s not- I don’t love her anymore. I hate her. She ruined my life.”

“You truly hate her?” You nodded at her. “Supposedly, you can only truly hate someone if you loved them first. We’re done Y/n”

“Seriously?! What? Because I used to love Natasha? Because I don’t want to have sex with you? Grow up Emma. I’ve loved people before you and at this rate, I’ll love people after you too. I’m tired. I don’t have to have sex with you. You can’t make me.”

“I’m your girlfriend! You’re supposed to want to have sex with me!”

“Well not when I’ve had a long ass day!”

“Guys, I think you might wake Morgan.” You winced a little at the addition of Natasha. You knew this was going to end badly.

“This is my fucking house!” Emma said, not lowering her tone.

“Actually, it’s Y/n’s.” Natasha calmly stated. She really wasn’t going to rise to the bait.

Your girl- sorry- ex-girlfriend, fumed next to you. “You know what? Have her. She’s so screwed over from whatever you pulled that I don’t think she can love anyone ever again anyway.” Emma seethed, grabbing her shoes, and slamming the door on the way out. The sound of baby Morgan crying echoed through the house.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” You ran your hand over your face, the exhaustion of the whole day catching up with you.

“No, it’s not. I betrayed your trust over the one thing I knew you couldn’t tolerate. I knew how hurtful cheating is to you and I did it anyway. I know it’s not an excuse, but I guess I just felt like you deserved someone more than me. Someone better.”

You said nothing. You were so so tired. You missed her and it ached, but you couldn’t forget what she had done. “I can’t trust you anymore.”

“I know but please let me try again. Bruce wasn’t worth it. He only made me realise how much I love you.” Tears were filling up Natasha’s beautiful eyes and you could see just how tired she looked.

“I missed you.” You whispered out, not wanting to break whatever was being formed

“I missed you too. So so much.”

“I can’t forgive you. Not yet, but…you can have one more chance Natasha. That’s it. You get one chance at my forgiveness.”

“Okay!” Natasha sniffled slightly “I promise I won’t mess this up.”

“I’m serious Natasha. One chance. I don’t play baseball. There are no three strikes.”

Natasha gingerly reached up to cup your face. “I won’t waste this.”

“Good because I never really stopped loving you and I’d hate to be a simp.”

“I think it’s a little too late for that dove.” Natasha let out a watery laugh.

“Excuse me?” You let out a fake gasp and wiped some of the tears from her cheeks.

“It’s okay, I’ll tell you a secret.” Natasha ushered you to lean closer and you did, she tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and whispered, “I’ve been whipped for you for as long as I can remember.”

You were looking forward to all the ways Natasha was going to make it up to you and hopefully, you’d get to give Bruce a good punch too. You both knew it was going to be a long road ahead but you both felt a little more ready for what lies next.

[itsmadamehydra]

My Savior || Wayne McCullough

A/N: Just some teenage girl trying to write the story inside her head, hope u like it.

Pairing: Wayne McCullough x oc

Warnings: rape, intention of rape, harassment, blood mention, bullying, language (a little strong)

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.................

I've always like to watch him by far, he just seems different from the rest (and oh boy, he is).

The first time I saw him I was in 7th grade. I was just one more girl of the many others that her tities just had started to show and my period started to visit me. I remember that day clearly, I was sitting at the hallway with my bestfriend at the time, eating infront of our lockers when I saw him.

"Am telling ya girl, the answer of number 5 was c." I said trying to reason with her about the science test answers "I told you that if u needed help to study, I could help ya." I smile at her and move my arm upward to touch her shoulder

"Yeah, yeah, I know...are you sure it was not D?" she said frowning her eyebrows once more. We stayed in silence for a sec before bursting into laughter and tears

Little by little our laughs started to fade, allowing ears to hear the background and aswell some loud voices, it sounded like an argument but by the hears of it a fight was going to start soon. "What you think is happening over there?" Cassie murmured, I stared at the end of the hallway where apparently was were the voices were coming from.

"I don't know..." my lips formed a thin line while I was thinking about what could have been happening in there, "You wanna, you know, go and see?" I looked back at my friend

"Freak yeah" she laughed grabbing my hand and running down the hallway to see the soon to be fight.

Once we got there, there was a mass of students surrounding what appeared to be the ones who where arguing. "Ugh, I can't see, I hate been so small." I said, "Hey, that smallness is beautiful and you know you can use that in your own benefit" Cassia said and winked at me.

"I mean, yeah but I can't-" my word stopped at the moment I heard a want sounded and I believe to be a punch in the face. "You saw that!?" Cassie said, "That was freaking awesome, please tell me you saw it!" "Um, nah Cassie, I cant see a crap" i said while trying to find a whole where to see through.

It was only a matter of seconds until more punches were heard. I started pushing people more frantically, I wanted to see what was happening. When I get pass a few amount of studens I almost slipped, looked sown to see what was it and it was stains of blood, only a few but still.

"Oh gosh, disgusting." When I look up only a few students are still in the cafeteria and a guy wearing a grey hoddie was just there, staring at the bloodie face of another guy. I stared back at the hoddie guy and noticed a little hammer in his hand, and the words just came out of my mouth without even noticing, "Why the hammer? Want to be a constructed or something?" He just stared at me and pass by me without saying a word and keeping a neutral face.

"Who the hell was that crazy ass weirdo?" I hear Cassie's voice behind me. "I don't know" I responded, "But I will know...one day."

"Ok,ok, am not going to get in between your little search thingi but am sure he is not good news." Cassie said, "You saw what he did, and he has a FREAKING hammer, y/n! Covered in blood y/n!" She grabbed my shoulders from behind, "I think we all understood the message, stay the fuck away from him, honey."

And I just smiled.

Months later I learned his name. Wayne, Wayne McCullough. Fits the ring if you ask me. Everyone was speaking about how violent, crazy and wierdo he was, about how he was going to show up at your house to beat the hell put of you.

I just observed him by far, well, I like to think that I noticed him. I noticed how he usually beats up those who are some assholes jerks that have only one brain cell as much. Noticed that he is not much of a talker and a shy boy. Noticed how he makes his lips thin when he gets lost in thoughts. How he closes his fist when he is about to do something. His strangely high pain tolerance. His pale skin and dark hair appeared to me to be very llamative and aswell his strength. He was and is skinny but somehow has a great strength, maybe do to the unincredible amounts of fights he gets in. Experience makes the master is what the say...right?

Years went by, we entered to highschool and the nervousness along with the fast beating, sweating and butterflies were still there every time i either tought about him or saw him walking around.

Cassie stayed with me for a while until she decided to join the group of nasty ass bitches with no brain cells who believed no one was better than them. While I...well, I stayed small for a big part I guess, always with good grades, teachers love me and try to be nice with every one I guess.

Everything was going great until Cassie along with some guys recorded me somehow while being drunk and them trying to overpass the boundaries, and let me tell ya.. that was just the start.

The had videos of me at the school bathroom, pictures of my underwear under my skirts and dresses, them trying to touch me. I had to learn to defend myself, stopped using skirts, dresses, shorts even do I loved wearing the. Replace my shoes with tennis and always had hair ties.

"Y/n, wake up! You're going to be late for school, don't think ama wait for you!" I mom yelled.

"Yes, mom! Dont worry, am up!" I run down the stairs with my backpack, went to the kitchen, grabbed an apple and went straight to the car.

"Oh for God sake, y/n" she said went she looked at me and noticed my new hair style.

"What? You don't like it? I just cut it a little." I satered at her innocently

"Your father is not gonna like it and you know it." She said and the stress lines appeared in her forehead, "You know this is his weekend and-"

She couldn't finish her sentence because I started taking, "Am not going to that dickheads house, mother." I said strainly, "Don't want to see his and face of that bitch he cheated you with..." i lowly said but loud enough to hear.

"I know, honey but you have to and besides you get to see your brother!" She patted my thigh, "Haven't seen him in a while right?" She said with a sad tone

"You should be the one seeing him...not me." I stared outside the window, there were just some trees and houses and garbage.

Mom and dad divorced a while back, he cheated on her. The house was a mess that day, screams and broken glass everywhere. Sammy was lucky, he was at grandma's but I was home...listening to every single word. That was also the first time a sneaked out and the first time I sort-of spoke to Wayne.

"What are you doing here?" I heard someone said behind me, I looked and it was fucking Wayne

"Just trying to have some quietness i guess..." I stared at my fingers and started playing with them because of my nervousness, "...What are you doing here?" I asked softly

And he stayed silent...the whole time after that. Either way, his company was nice and the side profile, ufff, amazing.

"Ok, we are here." I stared at the building for a sec before giving my mother a kiss in her cheek and entered to the building.

"Hey y/n! Nice ass!" That was the jerk of all jerks, Jonathan.

I turned around and stared at him, "Oh yeah?" He nodded, "Want to see me shop of your dick?" Changed my tone while saying that into a lower and more serious tone. He just stared at me with sealed lips and left.

I continued walking to my locker and I come to see tgat my freaking lock is broken, I search in all the spaces but nothing is missing.

"Come on! They had just changed me of locker!" I silently yelled. Started grabbing my books for the next few classes when I felt a hand in my shoulder, by instinct I grabbed the wrist, pushed the person against the locker and added pressure in the throat with my other arm.

"Hey y/n" Orlando smiled, "New move?" I chuckled and removed my arm, now, standing face to face I respond

"You know you shouldn't do that Orlando bunny." I laugh st the nickname I gave him a few time ago. Orlando was one of the few FEW people who talked to me, well, he talked to everyone but still.

"I know... I just forgot I guess man." He looked down, "Y/n...have your tities grown bigger?" His face looked confused.

I slapped his head and punched his shoulder, "Could you please stop looking and thinking 'bout tities when am around you?"

"I mean, yeah sure...and sorry about your lock." He points the locker, "Wayne thought it was still his but since-" I cut him off before he could continue

"Wayne?" I asked confused

"Yeah, Is tha-" i cut him off again

"Why did he tho?" I murmured staring at my lock in hand.

"It used to be his locker but oh well...he missed school for 3 weeks and yeah." He grabs his backpacks laces after explaining.

"Oh...ok, is he still here tho?" I looked at Orlando

"I guess..." he was about to say pther thing when the bell ring and we started to go toour classes, "See you later gorgeous!" He yells from the corner of the hallway.

I stayed there...just staring at my lock for a while, then order my things fast and left to class. What I didn't know was that someone was watching at me.

Three days later, i was walking back home and i heard s car going at full speed and nasty comments were started to be listend. I kept walking trying tk pretend they didn't exist when the car is suddenly over the sideway and infront of me.

"YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME ASSHOLES!!" I yelled.

"But...you are bot dead right, bitch?" Jonathan said getting out of the car. There were five, 2 guys and 3 girls. "Don't prefer to suck my dick and be my slut, promise I'll pay a good amount." He said infront of me,

"She is already a slut baby." Veronica said

"I bet she has sleeped with half school, wouldn't surprise me if you haven been org*e or something." You know, comments are comments, you are the one who decide what hurt you and whats does not, but being Cassie the one who said that...broke my freaking heart.

I couldn't stand it anymore, wanted to leave the place so i came up with a plan very fast. I walked closer to Jonathan trying to be the most seductive I could, touched his chest, abs and got closer to his ear and said, "You are going to regret everything" Punched him with all my strenght in this genitiles, stomp on his feet, punched his nose and ran the faster I could out of there.

"You bitch!" I heard from far but i continued running, I couldn't stop, i was scared, didn't know what could happen if the get me. I could hear the car engines behind me, but i didn't stop.

I was close a bridge, ran underneath it, passed some houses but i could still hear the voices and car. My legs hurt, i needed to catch my breath, i could hear my heart beat, my body felt on fire. When I less expected am suddenly trapped, there were some abandoned buildings and warehouses but no way to get put of there. This was it, my end.

"Couldn't escape from me you nasty little bitch!?" I heard his voice, i was never one to pray but believe when i say i begged to God to save me. "You ain't going anywhere...bitch" he was behind me, I could sense it.

My hair was pulled, he pulls me by my hair to his car and i notice that it's just him and another guy. Am not getting out of here.

"We are going to have so much fun!" He licks my cheek and i try to kick him wherever.

"HELP!" I yelled, "SOMEBODY PLEASE, HELP!" my voice sounded horrific, like if i hadn't drank a single drop of water in ages, "please" y murmure my last pledge before he finally puts me over the capo of his car.

"No one's gonna help you, you slut." He says, the other guy was just watching and standing still, doing nothing.

I gave up, didn't even notice I was crying until I tasted the salt in my lips. I felt him over me, unbucking my pants and then...i didnt felt his weight anymore, instead, i heard a cry of pain, and then another cry, and another and another.

I lifted my head and there he was, grey hoddie and little hammer in hand...my savior. I smiled.

My smile just grew bigger and bigger every second I saw that boy swing that motherfucker hammer, every second that Jonathan's blood was spilled. I lool around in search pf the pther guy scared that he might try to grab but I get calm when i see him unconscious on the floor.

A few minuts later th cries stop and i look up, Jonathan was missing 3 teeths and face covered with blood, i think he could even have a brocken rib or something.

Am sitting on top of the car's capo when a feel a slight, fragile touch.

"You ok?" Wayne askes pulling a string of my hair behind my ear.

"...now I am." I smile to him and he returns a little small tiny one with a grin. I was about to say something else when he suddenly speaks

"Want to be my girlfriend or whatever?" He says looking exhausted, I chuckle

"Try a little harder and I might be." I say soflty with a small thin smile and he avoids my eyes but I still get to notice a small blush.

...................

Hey! So, yeah. This is my first ever published thing. Hope you enjoyed it and if you want a part two or to keep writing, am open to any suggestion! Am not very good with the warnings section so if you could help me with it, i would totally apreciate that!

Thank you for reading,

[yourmidnightlover]

holding hands

never stop loving me part 2 :)

summary - after reader and spencer make it home safe and almost sound, spencer decides to show her just how much he loves her touch.

tw - smut, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (yea, ik i do this a lot), teasing?, fingering, oral (female receiving), soft dom!spencer, fluff

wc - 2,671

a/n - you could totally read this as a stand alone piece, just know that spencer is kinda in the doghouse rn bc he said mean things to reader abt her being all touchy and annoying (even tho she isn’t). happy reading 😌

masterlist

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spencer had said he was going to make it up to you.

did he know how yet? not really. would he figure out how? absolutely.

you had been rather distant after you had solved the case and on the plane ride back home. you still sat beside him, but you didn't make any move to touch him or lay your head on him as you normally would. maybe it was because you just didn't feel like it, but spencer knew better than to think that.

"do you want to order takeout tonight?" you turned towards him to ask the question.

"yea, of course we can," he agreed, his arm reaching around your body to pull you closer to him. he felt you stiffen under his touch. "are you alright?" it was his turn to look at you, you nodded up at him.

"i'm alright," you clarified, giving him a tight-lipped smile that wasn't very convincing. eventually, you settled into his arm, leaning your head on his shoulder and succumbing to the sleep you needed.

when you woke up, it was to spencer swatting away morgan's hand while shushing him.

"morgan, she needs her rest in order to heal properly!" he whisper-yelled while trying to move morgan's hand away but failing. "don't touch her, only i can!" he clarified, morgan threw his hands up in defense as he turned to sit back down.

"y'know you get more protective than i thought you would be," morgan shrugged with a chuckle.

"what's that mean?" spencer argued defensively.

"it means that princess there is well taken care of. you just don't seem like the possessive type of guy," he reiterated as he pulled out his headphones.

"i'm not being possessive," he defended himself. "i'm being a good boyfriend by not letting you wake her up just so you can ask her a ridiculous question," spencer looked down at you in your peaceful sleeping position.

you hadn't slept well in the hospital. spencer knew this because each time he went to sleep you were awake, and you would be awake when he woke back up. the night before you were in the hospital he heard you cry yourself to sleep and you woke up before him. so, in his mind, you needed as much rest as possible if you wanted to heal properly.

that, and he wanted to feel you cuddled against him as you slept for the first time in a week.

"i think it's more than that, genius," the bald man scoffed.

"what do you think it is?" spencer sassed.

"well, i think it has something to do with the fact that you and pretty girl there," he nodded towards you, "were in a fight and you missed her."

spencer sighed, "is it that obvious?" he used his free hand to move a piece of hair from your face, his hand lingering there for a second longer.

"look, kid, i may or may not have heard what happened thanks to a little someone. you should let her know how much she means to you, alright? she's probably feeling like you're doubting your relationship because of her, so make sure she knows that she's it for you," he advised his curly-headed friend.

"she's not 'it' for me, derek," spencer sighed once more. "she's my everything."

you stirred in your 'sleep' to alert them of your presence, slowly sitting up in an attempt to not hurt yourself.

"hey, princess," spencer whispered, moving that same annoying strand of hair from your face and tucked it behind your ear.

"mmm... hi," you stretched your arms over spencer so you wouldn't hit him. "how long until we land?"

"about half an hour," he informed you, whispering as the other team members slept. "if you'd like to go back to sleep i'll wake you up before we land."

"i'm alright, thank you," you smiled.

you could be mad at him while being a nice person. you just didn't know if you were ready to get over what he had said to you.

——————————

you had gone straight home after landing, permittable by hotch who saw how tired the two of you were.

both of you were laying together on the couch, you slightly on top of spencer because of your still bruised rib that slightly hurt, he angled his head down and started kissing your neck softly. your breathing got heavier, your breaths being few and far between as your hands reached back to grasp spencer's curls.

"spence?" you asked, more like whispered. he continued his actions, the only thing that signified he actually heard you being a small hum against your skin. "i-i... can we...?" you trailed off, not sure how to ask for what you wanted.

"can we what, princess?" he asked his hands reaching around to the front of your body, lightly ghosting over your bare legs.

"you know what, spencer," you huffed in annoyance as you rolled your eyes. he squeezed your thigh firm enough to know he had done it, but gentle enough to know it wouldn't leave any marks that were too bad.

"and you know better than to roll your eyes at me," he whispered in your ear, nipping gently at your lobe. "now... tell me exactly what you want."

"i want whatever you'll give me," you turned your face towards him, giving him your best puppy dog eyes before adding, "please?" you pursed your bottom lip into a pouty position.

that was apparently the magic word because as soon as they had left your mouth, you could have sworn you heard spencer growl in your ear before continuing to kiss and nip at your neck, leaving his marks all over your body. you felt his erection twitch in his pants as you whimpered from the touch of his lips on you which spurred you to grind your ass against his hips. he grabbed your hips to still their movement before sitting up with you, slowly as to make sure he didn't hurt your ribs.

"can you walk to the room by yourself?" he asked in his normal, sweet, non-dominating spencer voice, to which you nodded your head yes as you began to walk where he had asked.

you knelt by the door naked in wait for him, hoping he'd give you something to take your mind off of your injury. when he walked in, he could've sworn he felt his heart grow with even more love for you, something he thought was already impossible.

"princess, why're you on the floor?" he questioned, kneeling down to get eye level with you.

"why isn't your dick in my mouth?" you countered, a smirk growing on your face.

"i was gonna be nice tonight since you're not well so i wouldn't push it, doll," he gave you a stern look that told you to watch it. "i still have some making up to do, i believe?" your smile returned even brighter than before as he helped you back to your feet and into the bed.

once you were comfortable, he was practically worshipping your body with each kiss and hum against your body.

"i can't imagine never touching you again, y/n," he made his way down to your chest, his lips wrapping around your nipple. he gently tugged on it with his teeth before releasing it and doing the same to the other one.

"these tits," he sucked a hickey onto one of them before moving to the other.

"this stomach," he kissed all over your torso, being extremely careful of your bruises as your hands around through his locks once more.

"love the way it feels when i lay on it," he made his way down to your thighs, loving the way you squirmed underneath his touch. he hovered right over the place you wanted most and gently bit down on your thigh, your hips bucking upward subtly from the shock.

"god, these thighs," he huffed as he squeezed them once more. "love the feeling of them wrapping around my head when i'm between them."

"then how about you get between them, then?" you sighed sarcastically, your neediness getting the better of you

"so very impatient," he mocked before pressing one final kiss to your inner thigh. "but what the princess wants, the princess gets. for now, at least."

he licked a thick stripe up your slit, tantalizingly slow just to hear the whimpers that left your lips from the feeling. your hands flew to his hair, gripping it tight as he continued to lap at your pussy.

"so good, sir," you moaned out. "please don't stop. don't stop!" you cried as his lips wrapped around your clit. "uh- right there! yes!" you shouted as your thighs strained to remain still. "yes! oh fuck, yes!" you yelled as the high hit you like a train, his hands grasped your hips so they would stay in place, working you through that euphoria. "oh, thank you, thank you so much..." you trailed off, running your hands through his hair once more as he began making his way up your body, peppering kisses all around you.

"mmm, you did so good for me, y/n," he praised before connecting your lips to his in a passionate kiss. you whimpered into his mouth greedily. "someone's eager, yea princess?" he chuckled. you nodded your head as you bit your lip. "what do you want? i need you to tell me," he whispered, his hands trailing down your body once more and connecting with your sensitive center.

"pl-please," you whined, your hips bucking into his hand. "you, i want you," you informed him as if he hadn't already known.

"you have me now," he chuckled.

"no, no. i want you inside me," you pouted, your hands pulling the hair at the nape of his neck for punctuation.

"you want me inside you?" he asked as he pushed his fingers inside you, your mouth widening to form an 'o' from the surprise. "there, i'm inside you," he teased once more as he began thrusting his fingers in and out. you held onto his arm, a way to ground yourself so you could stil talk without sounding like a baby.

"your- i want your... shit... your dick. i want your dick inside me, please," you practically begged as his fingers began curling inside of you in that perfect spot.

"ohh, is that what you meant?" he asked like a smart ass, you couldn't find it in you to be a brat about it, so you just nodded your head as he worked you through your second orgasm of the night.

"yes! ohhh, fuck, yes," your hips rutted up against his hand from the pleasure. "please, please," you asked once more. "can you please just fuck me now? i want your cock..."

"aww, of course, princess," he said with a bright smile.

he got up from the bed only to remove himself of his remaining clothes before adjusting himself, lining his dick up with your center. he ran his dick through your already wet folds before slowly pushing himself inside of you, knowing you'd still need to adjust to his length.

"so beautiful, y/n," he grasped your hands, interlacing your fingers with his as he began to push himself inside you once more.

it might've been the feeling of being in submission for him, but you felt overcome with emotions. the intimacy of the moment you were sharing was more than just the sex you normally had. it was beautiful. the way he looked at you with awe each time he thrust himself back inside of you. the way you held onto his hands tightly in order to tell yourself that it was real... that he was real.

"god, i love you," he groaned as he kissed you fervently, his pace still set relatively slower than usual. "so much, y/n."

"i love- i love you," you moaned, removing your hands from his only so you could wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling his body closer to yours. "spence, spence i'm so close," you whined in his ear, which only egged him on.

"i've got you, y/n," he pulled back to look at you as you came on his dick. "let go. let go for me," he moved a piece of hair from your face once more as your mouth flew open in pure bliss. your nails dug into his back as your pussy clenched around him, bringing upon his own orgasm, spurts of his releasing covering your walls. "fuck, y/n," he groaned, burying his neck into your shoulder before you pulled it out, wanting to observe him in such a vulnerable state.

"i love you," you whispered, only him able to hear it.

"i love you," he whispered back, pressing your foreheads together as he caught his breath.

when he managed to pull out, he found a new pair of underwear and pulled them on before going to grab you a fresh pair of his clothes to wear to sleep - you liked that they smelled like him, it helped you sleep better.

"where're you goin'?" you whined from the bed, trying to sit up abruptly but only finding a shooting pain going through your abdomen.

"shhh," he whispered, rushing to the side of the bed to guide you back to laying down. his hands found your shoulders and right before he was going to release them, you grabbed his hands.

"are you leaving me again?" you asked pitifully, tears welling in your eyes.

"no, sweetheart," he furrowed his brows. "i'm never going to leave you," he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"i know... i know i can be annoying like you said and i'm working on it," you looked down at your hands, which were now in your lap. "just please be patient?"

"you don't need to work on anything," he wiped the tears from your cheeks. "i never should have said those things to you, whether or not i was upset. i'm so sorry i made you doubt yourself," you found yourself wiping his own tears away. "now let's get you into the bathroom, okay?" you nodded as he helped you get up, guiding you to the bathroom to relieve yourself.

while you were doing your business, he went and got you that change of clothes you needed and brought them to you once you were done. he used a damp, warm washcloth to clean up between your legs and made sure to wash your face for you. he helped you get changed, letting you use him as a balancing bar, and then directed you back to the bed. he rest his head on his pillow, looking over and seeing you still on your side of the bed, not curling up into him as you usually do.

"y/n," he whispered. "i know you're probably still mad at me, which is totally fine because just because we had sex doesn't mean i'm done making it up to you. but... it's kind of harder to sleep without you cuddling with me than i thought. so if you're alright with it can we just..." he trailed off.

"spence?" you asked with a giggle.

"hmm?"

"i'm not supposed to sleep on my stomach or side," you held back a laugh, knowing it would hurt. "i mean, i'm glad we're on the same page about you still making it up to me, but it's kinda doctor's orders that i don't sleep like that."

"oh..." he bit his lip, trying to keep himself from feeling too embarrassed. "right. can we hold hands while we sleep then?" he asked, acting as if he had found a loophole.

"now who's touchy?" you joked, hurting your stomach from the laughter but finding that it was worth it.

"ha-ha," he mocked. "very funny, y/n," he groaned.

"yes, darling," you joked once more. "of course we can hold hands while we sleep."

and you did.

and for the first night in a week, you slept peacefully.

taglist:

@averyhotchner​

@greenprisca​

@muffin-cup​

@emilyprentisslittlewhore

[matryosika]

shoot me, chapter IV

pairing — changbin x reader

rating — 18+

genre of the overall series — smut, angst, fluff if you squint

prologue chapter I chapter II chapter III chapter IV

word count for this chapter — 4.5 k

warnings — masochism, choking, thigh riding, marking, humilliation, daddy kink, mild praising, kind of harddom!changbin, unprotected sex, creampie, mentions of ownership and possessiveness... i think that's it!

note — i have so many ideas in my head that i think i'm failing to land on this series but today i decided to change the dynamic of the chapter a little bit and make the first part of it from changbin's kind-of-perspective so you could understand what's going on behind the actions of the man himself. the whole chapter is filthy smut honestly, i hope you enjoy it tho!

taglist: @cozyblues @ahgasearmyfan @binnie-m00n @minaamhh

*

[12:17 a.m. Changbin]

i don't think we should to that again

it was a mistake

i just needed to vent but honestly, getting with you can really damage my future and that's not something i'm willing to jeopardize for sex.

the dark-haired man held his phone to his chest as he thought about the words of the message that he just sent you.

it wasn't a lie though, the fact that he was afraid to fuck up his future for a night of sex, but his insides were on fire everytime he was near you, his soul aching for the same thing his mind wanted.

before you could even reply his dry messages, changbin got on his car and drove all the way to his place, contemplating on whether he should have a drink or two to try and deal with the mess of the decisions he was making.

he knew it wasn't going to be easy to have self-control around you specially because he was doomed to see you almost on a daily basis at arthur's house or the company, that being the main reason behind why he decided to send that message: because he didn't wanted things to get uncomfortable at places where the two of you should act like a couple of good friends, and nothing more.

he didn't went to your place because he needed to vent or fix his sexual frustrations with your body; he went there because, after the night of the bar, he couldn't forget the image of you as a goddess. he couldn't forget your taste, your skin, the way your hips involuntarily grinded while he was eating you out, your body following every order he gave you as if your only purpose in life was to satisfy him.

and as the days passed by, it was harder and harder for him to repress the idea of you in his bed. him owning your body, fucking you countless days and nights. the more he got the know you, the more his desires increased; even when you were talking about your childhood memories at seoul with changbin's parents in an attempt to try and avoid any kind of conversation with him, he couldn't stop thinking how attractive you were to his eyes.

*

Changbin's perspective

[9:54 p.m. Changbin]

i'm here

don't take too long

changbin rested his whole body weight on the drivers seat, ready to wait for -at least- another 15 minutes to be able to drive to chan's house. he was certain you were going to be there as ryujin told chan, and chan told him.

he knew all along that he wanted to have you in any way, but he also knew that his pride wouldn't allow him to make the first move after he was the one who cutted any kind of sexual ties between the two of you.

after 2 minutes, and for changbin's surprise, soyeon didn't took any longer to appear at the lobby of her complex, waving goodbye at the doorman.

"you didn't took long" changbin said, waiting for her to get inside the car.

"you were the one who made me wait" soyeon replied, getting comfortable at the car's seat.

"yeah i had things to do" the man replied as he started to drive towards chan's party that wasn't too far from the place he was at now. soyeon was changbin's best friend since highschool, something strange because he was never too fond of hanging out with women in a way that wasn't entirely sexual.

"so" the blonde one mumbled "you do realize that this plan is pathetic?"

changbin scoffed as his eyes were fixed on the road "if you don't want to help me just say so"

"it's not that" she replied "it's just that is ten times easier to just approach her than to try and make her jealous just to see if she approaches you first. not only is easier but more... mature"

"do you really want to talk about maturity, soyeon?" changbin teased "that's bold coming from the girl who breaks up with her partner every 3 weeks and then gets back together"

"you don't have to be mean" she pouted, giving changbin a soft hit on his arm. "i'm trying my best"

changbin exhaled harshly as he was looking for a place to park his car. "you don't have to do anything, just act like you are with me"

"you are so lame" soyeon said, getting ready to leave the car as changbin finished parking "i really hope she is with another man too so you can cut the crap and act like a man your age"

"whatever"

changbin left the car and opened the door for the girl to get out too. the party had started, at least, 2 hours ago so he knew he was late and everyone else was probably drunk already. not that he cared though.

soyeon entered the house grabbing changbin's left arm, her eyes dancing around the crowded living room trying to catch a glimpse of the girl that was making changbin act like a highschooler. "it would be very useful if you told me how the fuck does she looks like" she screamed, squirming and dodging the drunk people that were dancing around in the living room.

"don't act too obvious" changbin muttered in her ear "i'm not even sure she is still here, she probably left.

changbin and soyeon walked further into the house as they greeted chan and the rest of the boys, congratulating jeongin on his birthday who was too drunk to even reply.

"there's alcohol in the kitchen and the courtyard, if you want to start there" chan said, ryujin gripping his arm while she ocasionally stumbled on her place.

"you got a girlfriend?" ryujin asked without remorse, pointing at soyeon with her index finger "jesus christ i knew you were a dick"

soyeon looked at her and then at changbin, unsure of what to reply or say. not that she needed to, since ryujin started talking again right after she insulted changbin.

"i'm glad i was smart enough to convince y/n to come to this party, at least she met a man who is going to-"

"okay that's enough" chan said, him being a little more lucid than her. "she is drunk, i'm sorry"

"no worries" soyeon said, watching how chan and ryujin dissapeared into the crowd of people.

"do they know about your little obsession with her?" the blonde one asked, changbin's eyes scanning the whole room.

"i just told chan that i wanted to fuck her, i guess y/n told her the whole story to chan's date. it is her bestfriend, apparently"

"oh"

changbin and soyeon walked to the kitchen to grab a drink, since it was closer than the courtyard. after a few minutes, the search for you was usuccesful and changbin came to the conclusion that you probably left earlier with the mysterious man ryujin said.

"well, pathetic boy" soyeon mumbled "you are already here, you might as well have a little of fun, take a girl home... i don't know what you straight people do" she extended her hand to him, inviting changbin to join her at the courtyard for a dance.

as she guided him through the living room and into the patio, changbin's body was quick to react when she saw you with jisung. his whole body tensed up, making sure to grab soyeon as close as he could to pretend that he wasn't alone.

"hey man i'm not-" soyeon reproached as changbin's hand traveled to her waist, his body pressing against hers. she directed his gaze as to where changbin's eyes were fixed and it took her a lot of self-control to not start bursting of laughter. "fuck changbin, you have good taste"

"shut up" y/n was now looking directly at changbin and his partner while she danced against jisung's body. changbin couldn't see his face, but he knew immediatly who he was by the undercut and clothes the man was wearing.

"seems like my pleas were answered" his bestfriend whispered, getting more into the role of a straight-girl-crazy-about-changbin character as she rested her head on his shoulder. "better luck the next time i guess"

y/n eyes drifted away from changbin's as she turned around to stop facing the couple. her back was now against jisung's chest, her ass grinding on him slowly as the song progressed.

"this is so funny"

but it wasn't funny for changbin, his whole body ablazing because of the anger and jealousy he was feeling. watching you dance with another man was exactly what was needed for him to confront his pride, as the only thing he could think of was to drag you out of the party and fuck you mercilessly until the only thing you could remember was his name.

just a few seconds later, the image he was fearing the most was now presenting itself in front of his eyes. your sweet lips dancing around jisung's as his hands were resting on your waist eager to travel to other places.

"i think i saw hyunjin inside" soyeon mumbled, escaping the unpleaseant (but funny) scene of his best friend going completely jealous over a girl.

changbin needed to do something, and he needed to do it now.

*

y/n perspective

"please ruin me" you whispered, your soul immersed in arousal, guilt and regret.

"you shouldn't have said that, y/n" changbin growled as he gripped your hair to pull you in for a kiss. the touch of his hands burned on your skin deliciously, feeling the electricity traveling through your veins and into your core. the kiss was rough, and you couldn't help but whimper as you felt the fabric of his clothes against your naked skin, reminding you of how good it felt to be vulnerable in front of him.

his lips went from yours to your neck really quick, peppering kisses on the surface as he licked and sucked on the exposed skin. "if i'm going too far, you can stop me anytime" he exhaled, his teeth picking up the skin under your jawline softly.

you nodded as he worked on your neck, getting soft moans and cries out of you.

"can i please mark you?" he asked, with a broken voice as if he was running out of air, desperate to continue exploring your body. marking. the idea of being covered in faint bruises because of him only contributed to your arousal even more.

"go ahead" you moan "make sure they are visible enough"

changbin smirked against your neck as his grasp on your ass got harder. you couldn't help to flinch a little when he started to suck harshly on your neck, but he was quick to wrap his arms around you to keep you in place. the mere thought of him causing you this kind of pleasure, mixed with pain, made you squeeze your thighs together.

"god" you moaned, grabbing his hair and pushing him to keep marking you "fuck, that hurts" it did, but you didn't wanted to stop.

"it is supposed to hurt, precious" changbin said, his arms still holding you thight as he created a masterpiece on your naked skin "that's the only way you will remember who you belong to and who made you feel this good"

changbin's hands toured the sides of your body and your back, unclenching the piece of underwear that was blocking him to keep kissing your skin.

"your body is always ready for me" he mumbled, your nipples hardening at the mere sound of his raspy voice "look precious, you are so good"

you couldn't help but whine at the cold sensation of changbin's finger rings that were caressing and teasing your hardened buds. "you look so... fragile"

"you don't have to be gentle with me" you moaned in frustration, almost begging for his tongue to make contact where you needed you the most. "i don't break easily"

changbin looked at you with the darkest gaze he had ever give you. "you have no idea where you are getting into by saying those words, y/n"

changbin's mouth approached one of your nipples as he lazily dragged his tongue around it. his fingers traveled to the opposite side, caressing and playing with your other bud.

"fuck, that feels good"

finally, his tongue made contact where you needed it the most, giving small and quick licks that were starting to drive you insane. you always knew how sensitive you were, specially in that area, and now that changbin knew this it was kind of dangerous.

"who is making you feel this good, hm?" he hummed, his mouth alternating between places.

"i don't like you" you moaned, screaming the last word as changbin aggressively sucked on your chest leaving a faint mark.

"you don't? and you are this worked up?" he asked with a mocking tone, his senses intoxicated with your scent.

"matter of fact i hate you" you mumbled, trying to repress your moans "don't think you are the only person in this world who can satisfy me"

changbin planted a tiny kiss on your shoulder as he proceeded to rest his whole weight on the couch, manspreading for you. "take that off" he ordered, pointing out your panties.

you did as you were told, dragging your damped underwear through your legs and removing it in front of him. now being completely naked, his hand palmed his left thigh "come here"

you placed both your legs on each side of his thigh as your wet core made contact with the fabric of his black jeans, the sole movement making you whine and involuntarily grind against him. "show me how much you hate me"

you swallowed hard unsure of what to do next, his arms now crossed in front of his chest.

"how do... you want me to do that?" you asked quietly, feeling how your juices were probably making a mess on his clothes.

"ride my thigh" changbin ordered, giving you a condescending look "prove me that you can satisfy yourself better than i can"

you licked your lips nervously as your breath caught up on your throat. you knew perfectly that you couldn't do that, you needed changbin's help to cum and if you didn't, he would probably humilliate you for it.

"go on, precious. as much as i would love to stay here all night i have plenty of ideas to ruin that filthy pride of you" your core rubbed against his thigh almost unconciously, your hands traveling to his shoulders for support. "hmmmm" he hummed, grabbing both of your wrists and slowly placing your arms behind your back "you can do it by yourself"

the lack of help from changbin and the fact that your whole body had no support only made things harder. your hips grinded against him at a painfully slow pace while your hands were behind your back, changbin enjoying the view of your whole body trying to pathetically get any pleasure from him.

"i need to hold onto something" you cried, the frustration increasing as your clit grazed ever-so-slightly against him "please"

after that plea, you felt changbin's grip on your throat again "this should do precious" he muttered.

thankfully, changbin's hold on your neck gave you the tinniest bit of support, your hips moving now faster against his thigh.

"fuck da-"your breath got caught up on your throat, partly because of changbin's grip making it impossible for you to talk and partly because the petname that was about to leave your lips was rather embarassing.

"what was that, princess?" he asked, amused. he wasn't doing anything other than having you fucking his thigh, but he couldn't deny the painful bulge inside his pants that was driving him insane.

"it was nothing" you whispered in between broken moans.

"say it" he ordered, "say it and i might reward you with something"

you bit your lips attempting to refrain from saying anything else, your core clenching around thin air as your fluids damped his jeans. "fuck daddy" you whisper, almost inaudible.

"louder" he demmanded, his hands leaving your neck to place themselves on your hips, guiding your movements against his body while he flexed his thigh making the contact between your core 10 times deeper.

"yes, daddy" you whined, almost to the point of screaming at the feeling of his hands harshly guiding your whole movements "this feels so fucking good"

"my poor baby can't do anything by herself?" he grunted, admiring the image of your breasts swinging as your body grinded on his thigh "does daddy has to do everything for her?"

the way he used his own petname sent you to cloud 9, only making you wetter.

"i'm sorry daddy" you cried, your head falling slightly back as you followed changbin's grip.

"you should be, y/n" changbin's voice getting deeper by the minute "because you look so pathetic right now"

the words that were leaving his lips only made you needier and contributed to your arousal to increase, the knot on your stomach threatening to come undone any second.

"i think i'm close" you whispered, your hands still behind your back.

"keep your eyes open and look at me" changbin ordered "i want you to remember who made you cum this hard without even touching you"

changbin's gaze was all you needed to come undone on his thighs, closing your eyes at the minute you felt the highest point of your orgasm hitting you "what do good girls like you must say?" he asked, getting even harder by the image of your trembling body orgasming in front of him.

"thank you daddy" you cried softly, your voice broken. "thank you, thank you, thank you"

there was nothing in this world that changbin loved more than your duality. how you would act dominant in every aspect of your daily life, but not when you were with him alone. you struggled to hide your pride, but once you did, changbin knew that you were fully submitted to him.

and you knew that too. as much as you hated him, he knew how to make you lose your senses and drift into a completely different state, one more vulnerable. 3 times it was all he needed for you to show him the purest side of you: the needy one, the submissive one, the one who needed to be completely ruined and taken care of at the same time.

"such an obedient whore" changbin moaned, pulling you into his arms to give you a kiss "do you think you can keep going, y/n?"

your legs were tired, but there was something that you had been craving since the night at the bar and there was no possible way you would leave his apartment without getting it.

"i'm can, daddy"

"good" he said, getting up from the couch and driving you to his bed. he didn't bothered to turn on the lights as the whole room was lit up by the window.

you came closer to start unbottoning his pants, craving to feel his length inside your mouth just like last time, but he was quick to grab your wrists "today it's not going to be about me" changbin mentioned, undressing slowly in front of you. "as much as i want to put that pretty mouth to good use, i have other plans in mind"

you rested your whole body on your forearms as your legs spreaded in front of him, exposing your whole naked body for changbin.

he drove one of his hands to his mouth and slightly spitted on it in order to stroke his cock to lubricate it, mixing his own saliva with the precum that was already dripping from him.

"you look so good in that position" he praised "your whole body ready for me to completely destroy it"

your nipples hardened at his words, and he was quick to notice it "i don't think jisung would have been able to make you feel this good"

you licked your lips at the confidence he exuded, even at moments like this. changbin's body aligned with yours, the tip of his cock rubbing against your wet folds, slipping with easiness "you are always so wet for me"

the frustration building up again just by feeling his cock against your entrance. you would be lying if you said you didn't thought about how it would feel to have him inside you, even if the idea scared you. it was a while since the last time you fucked and, to be honest, you didn't think you had done it properly. the only times you actually did it, it was completely hard for you to feel anything but pain, and that thought crossed your mind right before he could even get inside you.

"can i?" he asked, noticing how your face looked slightly terrified.

"changbin i-" you stopped before you could say something else. you tried your best to build up this confident sex-appealing character who, in reality, knew nothing about the practice of sex. it was going to be embarrassing to admit that you were -barely- a virgin, even though you actually weren't, to the man who just humilliated the shit out of you a few seconds ago.

"mhm precious?" he asked, a faint smirk appearing on his face.

"i- it's been a while since the last time i did it" you confessed, his smirk growing bigger. "it's not my first time, but let's just say that i have little to cero practice on this area"

it was embarassing to admit such a thing, but you were not open to have more bad experiences with sex. you expected for changbin to laugh at you, or act all cocky, but the smirk on his face was rather confusing. "i'll treat you well, precious" changbin said, sliding the tip of his cock against your core "can i?"

with a hesitant gaze, you nodded, your whole body squirming under his as you felt his cock stretching every wall inside you. changbin was big and it was painful, you couldn't lie. "you are taking me so well, precious"

soon, the painful feeling became pleasure. changbin wasn't moving at all, letting you get used to him inside you, but you quickly found yourself moving your hips in circular motions signaling that you were completely ready to take him.

slowly, his hips thrusted in and out of you. he needed to ruin you, he needed to go fast and rough on you, but your comfort was a priority for him. as much as he wanted to make a mess of you and make you scream in pain and pleasure, he was determined to control himself and his impulses.

"you are so fucking tight" he growled, trying to repress any sinful noises that could escape his lips.

"don't hold back" you whimpered, feeling how the pleasure and pain were finally becoming one. "do whatever you want with me but don't hold back"

"you don't know what you are asking for, precious" he scoffed, the feeling of his lenght being hugged by your warm walls almost driving him insane.

"i do" you moaned, looking directly into his eyes with the needier gaze he had ever seen in his life "i need you to ruin me like you promised me to, i know you can"

changbin licked his lips as his forearms rested on both sides of your head, his breath coming closer to yours "you have so little experience in this but i already made you a masochist, didn't i?"

changbin thrusted hard into you as he said the last sentence, earning a whiny moan out of you.

and, following your plea, his pace rapidly increase without a warning. your eyes rolled to the back of your head with each thrust, changbin going completely feral at the sight of his good girl begging for him to hurt her.

"faster... daddy" you cried, almost out of breath. the feeling was as humilliating as it was powerful. there was some comfort in knowing that you submitted completely for him, and that now he was going to show you how good he could make you feel.

"you are such a whore y/n" he moaned, his raspy voice turning deeper as he thrusted inside you. "my whore"

your fingers traveled all the way to your clit, rubbing it with circular motions as changbin's length was satisfying your hole "does that feel good precious?"

"it does daddy" you reply, words broken as the whines and moans wouldn't let you form decent sentences.

"you look so good being ruined by me"

there it was that familiar knot again, starting to come undone on your lower abdomen. by changbin's heavy breathing and sloppy thrusts you knew he was close too. "you feel so fucking good, y/n"

you bit your lips, your voice not being able to emit any sound at all because the pleasure was starting to become slightly overwhelming. it felt incredibly nice having him inside you, ruining you, destroying you. you felt powerless and at his mercy, ready to do anything just for him to praise you with a few words.

"i'm close again daddy"

as you said this, changbin's pace increased. his lips attached into yours, his tongue fighting to get that intoxicating taste of you once again. your whole body started to violently shake as you came undone changbin's arms holding you right in place so you wouldn't move. "that's my good slut" he praised.

tears started streaming down your face as you were at the highest point of your orgasm. "that's my good fucking slut, cuming on her daddy's cock" he grunted.

the overstimulation by his thrusts was soon to appear, making you squirm into his arms but trying to hold on so he could chase his high too. "y/n"

"changbin" you cried, your half-lidded eyes looking directly into his, that were now filled with desire.

"let me cum inside you" he asked, biting his lips and trying to control himself waiting for your answer.

the overstimulation began to feel like pleasure quickly again at his words, your core dripping even more your own juices with each thrust he gave you. "cum inside me, please daddy"

those words were all he needed to release himself inside your cunt, earning grunts and moans from him. the most beautiful sound you had ever heard.

"thank you daddy" you whined, feeling his hot cum dripping out of your pussy once he pulled himself out. "thank you so much daddy"

the mere perversed image of you with your legs parted, his own cum dripping out of you as your fingers traveled to your cunt to mix your arousal with his and then tasting it, was all he needed to convince himself that this was not going to be the last time to have you like this.

he needed to have the precious submissive girl who was in front of him, with her makeup and hair ruined, with her whole body dripping in sweat and his scent.

he needed to ruin you.

he needed to destroy you.

he needed to take care of you.

he needed to own you.

[monlunetaeil]

Dating Mark!!

This is number 2 in my 'Dating NCT headcanons' !! Jaehyun is up next (per request!) but feel free to send me an ask with who you would like to see after that!!

Check out the other members here!!!: Haechan

Masterlist

okkkk sooooo,,, mark lee

I honestly have so much to say about this one

he's just so,,,, so mark

Literally laughs at everything you say

you breathe? hahaha

You tell a joke? hahaha

You fall? HAHAHAHAHAH

This also puts you in the Mark violence zone

aka if he laughs, he hits and you're the one getting hit

always apologizes after tho lmaooo

he also laughs in text so he basically sends every message with a haha at the end

literally texted you "Hey it was nice meeting you tonight! haha, wanna go out and grab some food sometime? my treat of course haha :)" to ask you out for the first time🙄

even the first time he said I love you was followed by laughter

He's also really not good at the pet name thing

sure he calls you babe and stuff

but he defo has a bad habit of calling you dude

like the second he gets excited "YO DUDE"

He'll also call you bro too LMAOO

"mark please stop calling me bro that makes us fucking really weird if you think about it too much"

Also, compliments are not his strong point

like he tries but like,,, it always comes out wrong

think of him trying to explain nct lyrics,,,,,,,, in a pg way

the type to say "you look the prettiest you've ever looked" when you're in the dark😭

"yo dude you know what I meant!!! I can see what you look like I have 20/20 vision!"

forever smooth Mr mark lee 😭

Mark doesn't necessarily strike me as the massively physically affectionate type

at least in front of others anyway

but mark can't hide his emotions very well

so his fondness still comes across but in more subtle ways

he looks at you like his world... laughs just that bit harder at your jokes

Your name in his phone is the only one with emojis next to it and with a contact photo

His lock screen is also 100% a candid photo of you and he's defo the type to just,,, smile at it sometimes

He'd also DIE to have matching home screens

even more so if they made a full picture when you put your phones together

He definitely prefers to text because its quick, easy and far less awkward,,, but with you he always calls

he just,, likes to hear your voice

and unbeknownst to you he's always smiling on the other end

the only time he's super physically affectionate is when he's sleepy

like he'll be half asleep but he'll cling to you like his life depended on it

defo the little spoon hehe

LIVES for lowkey dates

like raiding a convenience store and watching shitty horror films on the tv?? that's his SHIT

He'd pretend not to be terrified but 30 mins in he's hiding behind you 😭

the only time you really go out is maybe to the movies or for lunch

nothing too fancy

he tried taking you bowling once but he kept getting the ball in the gutter and it was not good for his "macho man" image apparently...

he swoons mega hard when you wear his hoodies

Like you just look so cute he can't help but pinch ur cheeks

gives u his jacket ALL THE TIME

and he'd be freezing without it but he just loves the way the sleeves are too long and how tiny you look

and when he drops you off he'd tell you to keep it because its "a chance to see you again"

"mark we've literally been dating for a year of course you're going to see me again"

but he'd still make you keep it and walk home freezing because when he gets it back, he knows it will smell of you... but he won't tell you that lol

He doesn't talk about his feelings much at first

he finds it a bit awkward

so when he does open up about stuff its full of 'umm's and awkward laughs

he'd get a little intimidated by the way you're looking at him so intently and try and back out

but when you encourage him it warms his heart a lot

because he always felt like no one would really care enough to listen to him talk about how he feels

it'll be like that the next few times

until he gets comfortable and then he'll have no problem ranting to you about stuff

you're the one person he can trust, the only one he feels safe around

and that makes you the most special person in the world to him :))

[sparklysung]

✨OPEN CURTAINS PART II – h.r.j.✨

© sparklysung – 2021. all rights reserved. no reposts, modifications and/or translations allowed.

pairing – huang renjun x female!reader

genre – fluff, smut | non-idol!au, neighbours!au

warnings – voyeurism, exhibitionism, masturbation, fingering, penetration, protected sex

word count – 3.150 words

summary – after being caught jerking off to his neighbour, things only got better for renjun.

note – writing this was so frkng difficult and i’m still not completely convinced, but i hope it lives up to your expectations, tho! i’m sorry if it doesn’t :’) but i tried my best. also, i finished it earlier than i thought lol. enjoy and now, just you wait for part iii soon!

taglist – @junguwuuu​ , @prvncejxon​

part i ; part 2 ; part 3

to say that renjun was mortified was an understatement.

after the incident of you catching him red-handed, he started avoiding you like the plague. he even started keeping his bedroom curtains closed, afraid of being seen inside and you deciding to confront him about it.

the poor boy couldn’t even sleep properly. he kept waking up almost every night with sweat coating his forehead, dark hair sticking to it, while heavy breaths filled the room.

the times when renjun was lucky, the cause of his insomnia was a wet dream, in which the both of you did everything but innocent things. every time it happened, he woke up in the middle of the night or early in the morning with a painful boner, precum staining the crotch of his boxers. either way, it always ended up with his hand down his pants, desperate for some kind of relief. never, not even during his teenage years, had he experienced so many wet dreams in such a short amount of time.

though when he wasn’t, nightmares tormented his slumber, messing up his sleep schedule even more. he was terrified of the idea of facing you after what happened, as he expected you to think the worse out of him. and to be fair, you had every reason to.

the sleepless nights he spent turning and rolling around in his bed plus the time he spent studying and working on his school assignments had deep dark circles forming under his eyes. it also had become part of renjun’s routine to fall asleep on his desk at school, too tired to pay attention to what was happening during class. and he was getting out of excuses for his exhausted state.

you were driving him crazy and he didn’t know how much time he was going to last until he broke down.

~.~.~.~

the day renjun most dreaded eventually came when he accidentally bumped into you while going to the nearby store.

it was supposed to be a quick and easy task. he just needed to buy some groceries his mother needed to make dinner later that day and the only person he would be required to talk to was the cashier. so he thought he was safe. that’s why, for the first time after the incident –as he had named it–, he decided to go out of his house for other than school and take a break from everything.

“ouch,” renjun didn’t look up at first, so he didn’t notice it was you who he had bumped into, his attention focused on the place where his arm was hit. “i’m sorry, i wasn’t paying attention,” he mumbled, ready to continue his path to the store.

“it’s fine, i noticed,” he froze in his spot as realization fell on him that it was you, the last person he wanted to see. his head shot up, eyes wide in panic and breath turning uneven as his mind raced with thoughts of how to get away from you as fast as he could.

maybe he should go back to china, after all, change his name and erase all traces of ever being alive.

“renjun, right? your name is huang renjun?” you slightly tilted your head and renjun thought he had never seen someone look so effortlessly pretty, his heart felt like it was about to combust. curiosity about your good looking neighbour –who you’ve been wanting to get to know so bad for a while– grew inside of you as you observed him nervously moving around. and had to admit you were especially intrigued after seeing him so unashamedly touching himself with his eyes locked on your body.

a completely different side of him from what you were currently seeing.

gathering the little courage he could find within his body, he spoke up, “uhm, yeah… i guess that’s me?” the sound of his awkward laugh made a smile form on your face.

“so…” renjun awkwardly scratched the back of his head, “i’m sorry for, you know… snooping around and nutting off to you like that, you know, a few days ago.” his hands started getting clammy as he felt his body heat up. “i know it wasn’t nice of me and it was so wrong… i just…” you almost let out a small chuckle at his flustered state.

as he stopped talking and just stared ashamedly at the floor, you decided to tease him just a little bit. “you just…?” you raised an eyebrow, waiting for a response before continuing, “you just happened to have your hand on your dick while looking out of your window the moment i caught you?” you jokingly questioned.

when his eyes opened wide with shock and the tip of his ears turned red out of pure embarrassment, you knew you’d hit the right button.

“fuck, i-i’m really freaking sorry, alright?” his hands came up to cover his face, voice wavering. “i don’t know what else to tell you or how to make it up to you?” he spoke quietly, unsure of what he was saying. your smaller hands took his out of his face, forcing him to look at you once again.

“oh, don’t worry about it, renjun,” you took a step closer without letting go of his hands, your chests almost touching, “you’ll have an opportunity to show me how sorry you are and make it up to me.” with a breathy whisper in his ear, you let go of him, turned around and walked away.

renjun stood there, dumbfounded, not knowing at all how to react.

you were so confusing to him. always so mysterious, staying locked inside your room instead of going out with your friends –and he knew for a fact you had quite a lot–. he had never seen you bring people to your house, let alone your room. he could tell you weren’t exactly shy, but more on the quiet side. you liked keeping to yourself and being a spectator rather than the main character, but either way, you were captivating. so much so that you didn’t need to be in the spotlight to be the center of attention.

since the first time he laid eyes on you when your family was moving in next door, he couldn’t take them away. it was like an invisible force pulled him towards you, making him want to get closer.

but you were out of his reach. and out of his league.

he could never catch up to you after class ended, as you always left as soon as your teacher bid goodbye. so he rarely got to see you due to being in different classrooms and hanging out with different friend groups.

that frustrated renjun to no end.

it felt like the universe just didn’t want you two to happen. like it despised the idea of something sparking between you. like it wanted you apart and as far away as possible.

that’s one of the reasons why he ended giving up on trying to get to know you. apart of you apparently not being interested in him anyway.

~.~.~.~

the one day renjun decided to open his curtains to let natural light and fresh air in, you happened to be at home. just like the first time. he felt a strange sense of déjà vu, as this was the first time in a while he was looking past his window and into your room.

through the also open curtains, he could see you, looking prettier than ever. your hair was messy as if you had just woken up from a nap. your oversized clothes made you look even smaller than you were. biting back a smile, renjun thought about how you would look like wearing his clothes. he was a few inches taller than you, so one of his shirts would probably fit you like a short dress.

he was scared of how much he had been thinking of you lately, especially of the way his heart fluttered against his chest whenever he did. the two of you hadn’t even held a proper conversation, he knew how slim the possibility of something happening with you was and yet he was crushing on you.

renjun didn’t notice he had been staring until he felt your intense gaze burning back at him. his eyes moved away from you as heat rose to colour his cheeks, tongue poking the inside of it. his hand ran through his hair, softly messing it up, to distract himself and prevent him from looking back at you.

he had been caught staring by you, again.

renjun tried to control himself, nails biting into the skin of his palm. he knew you were watching his every move the exact same way he was watching you. you had already confronted him one time about it and it was pretty awkward. he didn’t want to go through something similar again.

once was enough.

his eyes darted back towards you when you moved, successfully getting his attention back to you. neither of you broke eye contact as you positioned yourself so he could see you perfectly from where he was standing up. you laid on your bed, back pressed against your mattress as your head sunk into your pillows. he gasped when your legs opened, allowing him to look at both your face and hand as it slid down to the crotch of the leggings you were wearing, lightly rubbing your clothed bundle of nerves. 

renjun forced himself to stay still and not give in so easily. his jaw clenched tightly as ragged breaths filled his room. he could feel his hardening member throb from the confines of his pants.

he wasn’t sure if you were just testing him, trying to see how much you could push him until he finally snapped, or if you were making a move on him, putting on a show to hint your interest.

and he was scared he was mistakenly reading your signs.

he knew he couldn’t afford fucking up his nearly non-existing chance of getting closer.

tugging your pants down your legs, you threw the cloth next to your bed. the revelation of you lacy panties made a groan fall from his lips, his own hand betraying him and making its way to the tent forming in his pants. fingers squeezing his bulge, he chewed on his lip.

you had him just where you wanted him, hot and bothered, hand rubbing himself through his clothes. he looked so good and you couldn’t wait to see him cumming again. truth is you couldn’t stop thinking about the fucked out state he was in a couple of days ago since he left you to get yourself off to the memory of the sinful things he had done.

you pushed the cloth aside, too eager to touch yourself to properly undress. gently massaging your folds to spread your slick arousal, you sighed in content. you would be lying if you said you didn't enjoy the way renjun was eyeing you hungrily, hands aching to touch you.

seeing your parted lips, red and swollen from biting into them, he wished he was able to hear you and listen to the sound of your moans and whimpers. all of the times he had fantasized about it flashed before his eyes as he tried to pretend they were coming from you.

“f–fuck,” mouth agape as his eyes rolled to the back of his head, hand sliding up and down faster when he saw your lips move into what seemed to be a moan of his name.

he hoped he was right and you were actually calling out his name while touching yourself.

soon enough, your fingers were plunging themselves as deep as they could go inside your pulsating core; renjun’s hips fucking his fist as fast as his body allowed him. loud moans and groans filled both of your rooms, neither of you bothering to keep quiet inside your empty homes.

both your orgasms came faster than you thought, thighs shaking as you both threw your heads back, crying out each other's names. renjun shot his load, his seed dripping down his hand, eyes focused on you as your walls clenched around your fingers, juices running down and staining your bedsheets.

your chests heaved with every pant you let out as you tried to control your uneven breathing, neither of you moving a muscle as you stared into each other's eyes.

~.~.~.~

the second time renjun got to see you put on a private show for him was slightly different. 

this time, you weren’t exactly alone.

bitterness filled renjun’s body as he saw a guy, who he thinks looks an awful lot like one of his classmates, entering your room, hands intertwined with yours. his mouth fell agape when you closed your door and made your way towards the guy, who was sitting on the edge of your bed. he saw you straddle him, hands going to his cheeks before leaning in for a kiss.

renjun couldn’t see the guy, as his back was facing the window, but he didn’t need to, he could tell where his hands had travelled and it made him feel sick to the stomach. he didn’t like one bit of it, standing there by his window with a clenched jaw.

he wanted to be the one there with you, sitting on your bed with you perched on his lap while the two of you kissed. he wanted to run his hands along your body, softly caressing your sides. hold your smaller hands in his bigger ones, comparing them and laughing happily at the difference. tell you how beautiful you were and how he thought you were a work of art that blessed his eyes every time he looked at you.

it hurt his heart to see you with someone else that wasn’t him, but at the same time, he couldn’t bring himself to look away. not with the way your eyes had wandered out of your window until they locked with his. he was about to yeet himself out of this world, hand reaching to close his curtains until you smiled at him.

you just smiled. at him. after catching him staring, again. while you were with another guy.

renjun stood frozen, hand mid-air, not knowing, again, what to do with himself. seeming to notice his internal conflict, you resolved you could be a nice neighbour and put on a show, just for his eyes to witness.

it was like a switch had been flipped inside of you.

he saw how your expression changed and he didn’t know if he should have been afraid.

with one of your hands, you pushed daehyun’s chest –the guy you were with– so he was laying down. the new position was perfect for renjun to see everything; he could see your hands pressed against his chest, hips hovering over his and hair covering your pretty face.

he tried to ignore the way the guy’s hands explored your body, feeling every part of you.

without breaking eye contact with renjun, you pulled daehyun by the collar and connected, once again, your lips. he propped himself in a more comfortable position, resting on his forearms. you pressed yourself down on him, rutting against his groin and earning a groan.

the bulge in renjun’s pants was getting more noticeable as time passed, but this time he didn’t restrain himself from touching himself.

two could play this game.

clothes flew all around the room as you both undressed. you pushed daehyun so he was laying on the bed. after rolling a condom on his shaft, you straddled him again, his hands coming to rest on your hips and help you grind on his length pressed against his stomach. a sigh fell from your lips as his hip bone came in contact with your sensitive clit.

with one of your hands holding onto his shoulder, you positioned yourself right above his dick. and as much as renjun despised the idea of someone else being so intimate with you, he was still curious about how you looked like when being pleasured. he wanted to see how your face contorted in ecstasy when cumming undone.

as he saw the guy’s cock ease into you, he tried to ignore the burning feeling in his throat.

lower lip caught between your teeth to prevent blurting out renjun’s name instead of daehyun’s, you couldn’t help yourself but imagine him instead of the man currently thrusting up into you.

you wanted him, not daehyun. as hot as you thought the latter was, something in the way renjun looked at you as his hand moved, trying to replicate the rhythm of your hips, turned you on to no end. you wished you were gripping into renjun’s shoulders instead, tugging at his hair, while he pounded into you and his fingers played with your clit.

and oh, how he wished he was that asshole.

definitely, you behaving so dirty under his intense gaze without a trace of shame, eyes never leaving him instead of looking at the guy you were with, was such a turn on for him. it made him think that, hopefully, you craved him just as much as he craved you.

daehyun kept ramming into you, both hands resting against the mattress and leaving your clit unattended. you internally scoffed, reaching out to get the job done by yourself. renjun seemed to understand your upset state as he visibly scowled, glaring at daehyun.

the asshole was only focused on chasing after his own orgasm, without thinking the smallest bit of the beautiful girl sitting on top of him.

renjun huffed angrily, he surely could treat you better. he would prioritize your pleasure before his, stay hard for a whole day without complaining if it meant he could make you feel good.

if only he could take care of you just how you deserve.

he could sense the change in your demeanour as soon as your fingers got to work, and he took a mental note to treasure this piece of information and make good use of it if he ever got the chance.

soon, the tightening knot in your lower tummy snapped and just like that you were cumming, squeezing around daehyun as he groaned, thrusting harder. your eyes closed, head tilting to the side and hands gripping the sheets while sloppily grinding down on him.

“so pretty, fuck,” renjun’s hips stuttered while his hot seed dripped down to stain his pants, a guttural groan leaving his chest. 

and yet another pair of pants ruined.

but he wouldn’t mind dirtying more if it was because of you.

he reached for some tissues from his nightstand as he looked away, sudenly feeling ashamed.

renjun usually prided himself on thinking objectively before acting, but he was aware that letting all this happen wasn’t one of his wisest decisions.

or was it?

–lia:)

[fucktheroyals]

You know after reading and reading and reading peoples theories and the meta from before the spn finale aired and the meta writers reactions to the finale I think I have a theory of my own. We don't have any answers tho, so this is pure speculation. If you wanna add something to support or discredit any of this that's cool but there's too many things floating around. Know I dont have proof for this conclusion at all. A lot of what I say is just guesses based on previous facts.

This all came together in my head when I realized how much this finale REEKS of the original producers and who the show was originally for. It REEKS of Robert Singer. Like if the execs started saying they didn't want it, Robert Singer was the one pushing that the story was about the brothers. That kinda thing.

Then, I was thinking of the problems in this episode and it struck me these are all of Supernatural biggest issues and to be honest all of it feels completely deliberate.

Take the sexism for example, Supernatural in it's later seasons largely out grew this, we have Jody, Rowena, Donna, Charlie, Mary, Claire (and even a wayward sisters pilot with MORE women/girls) all making regular appearances. They're mainly good characters and mostly aren't there to hurt our boys. Rowena, of course, is the one outlier being very about herself but it's clear she still cares for them, I mean its part of her development. But they're all real, with character flaws just like everyone else. (And we have Death too and she was POC 😭 THANK GOD)

Now look at the earlier half of Spn, we have Ellen and Jo, who's appearances were far in between. There's Bela in season 3, recurring for quite a bit (5 eps), but she is a character that is only there for herself, definitely not found family (unlike Ellen & Jo), and she's got more episodes in season 3 than Ellen and Jo in season 2 who aren't seen again til season 5. The "fans" send in hate mail after hate mail to try to get these characters off, and eventually they are. Then there's Ruby who's character stayed for a whole two seasons and was a largely recurring character. Why does she get to say so long? She's a plot device. She's supposed to be there to betray Sam. She has to stay (plus Jared obviously likes her). But she's not just a character the writers like writing about. Same with Lilith. Obviously not as recurring but still a plot device. Did they get hate mail tho? You can bet on it. Why? because tHeY'rE gOnNa PuSh ThE bOyS (Dean and Sam) aPaRt ThE sHoW iS aBoUt ThE bOyS oNlY. Without even thinking about the hate mail, just notice how large the difference is from how women are seen in the earlier seasons to the later seasons. Misha got tons of hate mail too for being a character that could split up the boys (probably only being allowed to say because he a man, thanks sexist producers and execs).

Only after Castiel was killed off and then Castiel fans successfully (thank you guys) got him back on the show did the hate mail largely simmer, which means female character's were allowed to stay! Which has lead us to a show with a good amount of female characters. But can you imagine having to kill characters off time and time again because people keep complaining that the show is "only about the boys." Fun times really.

So now we get to this final and we see sexism. But it wasn't just the plain old regular sexism you find in the earlier days of spn. Because now, there ARE women to talk about, talk to. But this episode was DESOLATE women wise, unless they were used for plot (which is also sexist!). Small scenes, they're barely there. Women gets her tongue cut out. Random women from s1 gets killed. Sam doesn't SPEAK of Eileen. Nothing. No mention of any female characters from the boys mouths unless they were from/in this episode itself. That's WIERD. I know we've all said it. But that goes beyond forgetting about characters. I mean its SAM'S GIRLFRIEND for Christ's sake. There is NO REASON they couldn't have said Eileen's name. Notice how Sam's wife is just... faceless. This is literally an age old sexist trope. Like... one of the things about bringing Mary back to life for s12+ is that it takes this trope... of basically a generic mother, and gives her life and feelings, whether you like them or not, they're real feelings. They said Mary isn't just a mom she's a person. Mary's existence in the later half of spn is to fix this kind of female tropes that fall upon her character, to not let these her stay a 2 dimensional character. They said we should know she's more than just the mom who tried to save her kid. Do that is the exact opposite of Sam getting a nameless, faceless wife. The sexism of the old spn wasn't just brought back, it was completely amplified. It wasn't just accidental or some exec "fixing" the story it was DELIBRATE. Whoever wrote that, didn't do ALL OF THAT by accident. Because an exec or a producer who doesn't see the flaws in old supernatural isn't going to write it that deliberately.

Let's bring it back to s10 when Charlie was killed (singer was mainly to blame). Dead in the bathtub, age old classic of burying ur gays. If you were here you know people never let Supernatural live that down. THEY KNOW what bury ur gays means. Hell, Robbie Thompson left because of Charlie's death and you think the writers don't know what it means? I mean both Bobo Berens (especially) and Steve Yockey's careers are centered around LGBT+ storytelling and you think they don't know? They know. They know.

And Dean wasn't just apart of the bury your gays trope, it is so far BEYOND that. Dean being killed on a rusty nail/screw, the tongues ripped out, things that seemed to be meant for other people. Jensen's acting in the last two episodes was giving us "DEAN RECIPROCATES" but no one ever actually saying it. I think it's clear that Dean was killed for being Bi. They didn't address it for a reason, they just silenced him. His narrative was supposed to be about letting him be HIM for the first time, to say what his feelings are instead of having them miscommunicated, and instead of doing that, they just silenced him. And the more we look at this scene the more horrific it gets. The more it's a complete slap in the face and it's supposed to be. Some guy who knows nothing about the LGBT can't write a scene this horrific.

Some guy who knows nothing about Dean couldn't write a scene that deconstructs all of Dean's character development and gives Dean his worst nightmare. I MEAN DEAN WANTED TO LIVE HIS LIFE! THEY DIDNT HIDE THAT JOB APPLICATION (or whatever job related thing that was) IN THERE FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST SITUATION. Dean isn't Barney from HIMYM. If you watched HIMYM then you'll know Barney went from being a stereotypical ladies man and treating women terribly to being in love with a women and treating her right and working hard for it. The last episode of HIMYM (why its so bad) Barney's character development is thrown out and he's back to being a stereotypical ladies man. You don't need to know Barney's character very much to do that.

To kill Dean during a hunt his father never finished, to not have anyone at his funeral, to have Dean die young like his life didn't matter. Those are Dean's worst fears and you'd only truly know that if you watched the gin episode in s3, where they are basically laid out for you. You HAVE to know Dean's character to tear him apart like this.

This episode took all the core elements of the show and did a complete 180° the name of the episode itself is "Carry on" and Dean and Sam very much did not carry on. Sam grieving his entire life so that he good get to heaven and see Dean again. Dean being ready to live his life, despite the enormous pitfalls and learning to love himself only to be killed. "Family don't end with blood." Um.... it did in that episode either literally with Dean's death or you know BECAUSE NONE OF THEIR FOUND FAMILY WAS THERE. Not Jack, Not Cas, Not Eileen, Not Donna, Not Charlie, Not Jody, Not Claire... on and on we go. No one was there, nobody was even mentioned. Dean's funeral, no one even called that we know of. It was just Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean. And Bobby. Don't forget Bobby. But yeah Sam and Dean.

That's what the show is about right, the brothers.

Except it's not anymore. It hasn't been for years.

Cas not being there was deafening but it brought us to a major point. Becky. Becky's telling us about the terrible ending.

And many of us are wondering why would they literally tell us this is the worst ending and then... make it the ending.

Now before we move on, it very apparent many of you think Dabb doesn't ship Deancas. And Dabb doesn't care about the characters.

Say what you will about any plot holes in his writing, the point he is VERY GOOD at writing the characters, and giving us good ones.

Why do we know Dabb ships Deancas? (ill say when its cowrote, other wise its not) cowrote ep 8.02 - purgatory "I prayed to you, Cas, every night" "Cas, Buddy, I need you." "I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you." 8.08 Hunteri Heroici - Cas helps them hunt! 😊❤ Dean & Cas have a serious convo about why Cas doesn't want to see/go to heaven. 8.22 Dean's mad at Cas. Sam's explanation of why Dean should be easy on Cas: "It's Cas." Dean then points out how he'd knife anybody else if they did what Cas did. 9.10 - Cas comforts Dean when Dean can't take seeing Sam (Gadreel) being tortured anymore. Also tons of Cas. 9.20 (bloodlines) - Canonical couple parallel "I was there, where were you" 9.22 The angels make Cas choose between them and killing Dean and he "gave up an entire army for one guy" 10.09 Claire's reintroduction. Cas heavy ep. DeanCas date. 10.22 THE PRISONER - u know the ep where Dean beats the shit out of Cas but loves him enough to not kill him.

We COULD keep going but I think I've made my point. If Robert Singer is the guy that is like "the show is about Sam and Dean only" Andrew Dabb is the DeanCas shipper. And you could even say a Cas stan.

Notice! How in s13 for SEVEN episodes we have a story that revolves around Dean's grief about losing Cas. Notice! How often the stories in all these seasons have a focus on their relationship. THAT is Andrew Dabb. If it weren't for him doing that, we wouldn't be able to easily say after Dean's lack of a response to Cas' confession, that Dean reciprocates.

To me, when I was (binge) watching s12 for the first time, I thought damn this is really got a lot of DeanCas. So I went to look at who was in charge, who was writing. I saw Andrew Dabb, associated him with Deancas episodes, saw all the new writers, Bobo, and then I saw that Yockey is known for same sex stories and it clicked. Dabb assembled a team to give us Destiel. THAT WAS IN SEASON 12!!!!!!!!

The amount of people saying he's homophobic flabbergast me. Open your eyes! That isn't what's going on.

Imagine making a show and trying to right all the wrongs of Supernatural. Imagine trying to write the greatest love story ever told and you have the entire season planned out for it to end off beautifully, it may possibly be your greatest achievement when it's done and then boom. someone comes in and tells you you aren't allowed to make Dean bi or make destiel endgame, after he was most probably already given the go ahead.

Sure. You could imply he's bi or into cas still in a way. Still make nice-ish ending. just give everyone what the kinda want.

Or you could scrap the last season, nothing close to a canonical bisexual Dean Winchester or Deancas endgame in site. People can be done with it be happy with the show, continue to live their lives in ignorance as to how close they were to Canon destiel.

OR you can lead everyone to the very closest you can get them to what you were aiming for and then show everyone the ugly truth and reality. Light it all on fire. Burn the show to the ground in your wake. Try your darnedest to making these people's (the people saying no) pockets suffer. Show us, the audience, what happened. Show us what this show really is.

I've seen people talk about the ending being changed during covid but I dont think that happened. I think what happened was Dabb already had this season planned out before it even started. Obviously the details were wobbly but it was all lead up to this ending. Destiel endgame, Canon Bisexual Dean, whatever it was. They were ready to write the greatest love story ever told and then someone shut it down.

Imagine the pain that must have caused them to be told no when they already said yes. They must have been so excited to give this to us.

I think someone (some producers) told him what this show is "really" about. The brothers. Can you imagine, after being told no, some kinda bullshit like this is said to you: "Why aren't you bringing it back to the brothers, Andrew? that's what the shows about. What with all this homosexual stuff, you know the audience won't like that. Not really." Imagine the original producers pushing this kind of view on you. "You know when we started it was Sam and Dean. It should end with Sam and Dean." That kinda sounds like someone huh? huh.

So why give us a nice acceptable finale, when you can take every problem Supernatural's had either up front or behind the scenes and create a finale so incredibly bad that people don't want to watch it anymore.

Someone made a good point about how Sam was originally supposed to be the main focus (this isn't to put any hate on Sam or Jared). Dean and Sam are the main characters but Sam was supposed to be the focus and for Dean to have become the focus, must have annoyed the producers because... well here we are. They wouldn't listen to Jensen. The producers liked this ending. Jensen's opinion didn't matter to them.

In some ways, if this is really what happened, it can be seen as childish from Dabb. To hurt all of us like that. Yes, he's hurting the producers, the execs, the cw. But to hurt us? Yeah it stings.

But in other ways, if this is really what happened, this is Dabb showing us the muck and gunk under the shiny surface. The hate for Misha. The hidden hate for Jensen. The underlying sexism. The underlying homophobia. The people REALLY in charge don't care about us, they just want our money. He needed to open our eyes and free us, at least free the people that he was writing for. The people he sees that care about this show.

This is the ending the powers that be wanted and its a big fuck you for a reason. I dont think this is Dabb spitting in our faces for loving this show, I think this is him trying to get revenge for us.

But from here, you can see it how u want it. If this is really what happened, I'm not in charge of your emotions, if you wanna be mad be mad if you wanna be grateful be grateful. And you don't have to believe me either I said this is speculation.

Also, as for all of the rumors like there being shots to the confession scene that we didn't see, which Jensen himself implied, I think that might have been a last ditch effort to canonized DeanCas but obviously it was cut. Like the name change was pretty clear. As for Misha possibly having shot some stuff for 20 I dont know what to tell you. If it's true I dont know where the blame would lie.

I do think however, that if all this was the case, the writers were prepared to become villians here. I mean they told us the writers were villians with Chuck right? So. Who knows what went down so they could give us such a vile ending. It could've been the producers or the writers, who truly knows. I do think tho that people we "trust" did some pretty shitty things to push the narrative in certain directions so now one would see this as the actual ending that was coming.

So again do with my SPECULATION what you will. This was in no way meant to put Dabb on a pedestal or anything. Just meant to give a bit of perspective.

(Also Jensen didn't unfollow Dabb recently he was already unfollowed for years)