#those devs gave everything but it's still not enough

[elvhendis]

When I see people criticise Baldur's Gate 3 for not having enough face options and the like it really makes me wonder if they've ever played any other game ever. All it takes is to play, say, Dragon Age 2 with it's 3 total assets that keep repeating a bajillion times on every map for anyone to truly appreciate how much BG3 really gave us. How much sheer content, models, assets, voice work, options. It's insane

[crescencestudio]

2023: A Year of Connection

Hi everyone!

As I told you last month, this month's "devlog" will be more like an end-of-year recap. For those of you who have known me a while, you'll know that I get ~in my feels~ and Very Nostalgic at the end of the year. And this year is no exception to that.

Looking back on this year, I realize I did much more than I thought I did. The year was filled with so many waves of uncertainty, burnout, and ruts, that I felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything in the moment. Now that the year has actually wrapped up, I can see that was Once Again my imposter syndrome whispering words of sweet nothings into my ears.

In fact, this year, I find that I did Way More than what I did last year. Crazy, considering how busy I remember 2022 being. Let's take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

Writing

If there is one thing this bitch did, it's fucking write LFMASODIJ. For all my complaining this year of routes taking too long, getting creative ruts, etc., I still wrote (what I consider) a Very Good amount. While I may not have hit my writing goals that I had set out, I still ended up writing around 255k words in total this year. Most of this being for Alaris, and some of it being for my dissertation (LOL) and other side games, like Intertwine and Jam Games.

This number also doesn't include deleted passages, edited passages, etc., so the amount I've spent writing, reviewing, etc. was Significant this year. Here's to hoping that momentum continues into next year and finishing the rest of Alaris!

Side Games

Something completely unexpected, but that I'll forever be grateful for, was my decision(s) to join game jams this year. It all started with Otojam, a visual novel jam I'd wanted to join for a WHILE.

Intertwine was, without a doubt, one of my most memorable moments from this year. The friends I made/grew closer to during that jam. The people I connected with because of Intertwine. The people I got to work with. Everything about the experience surpassed my expectations, and Van and Summer 2023 will always hold a very special place in my heart because of it. Thank you to everyone who enjoyed that game. It was my first full game I ever released, and I couldn't have been more nervous about it (no literally. I wasn't sleeping and I was nauseous for a week before release).

Knowing there was no "revision" afterwards that I could hide behind or promise that there would be a "better"/"enhanced" version made the release terrifying. But the reception you all gave to it and support from so many friends made me feel so connected and grateful for the community.

The other three side projects were... well, Unexpected. LOL. Before these jams, I'd never wanted to work in team settings, mostly because I have Mad Imposter Syndrome, and I've always imagined I'd be dead weight in any given game dev team. My skills on writing, art, and/or coding alone aren't "exemplary" enough for me to think I, well, deserve to be on a team. But when a couple of short jams were being held by a friend, and teams were being made filled with other friends, I thought maybe I could help, even if it's just to QA/playtest. But I've walked away from each of these experiences learning so much from other talented people and with very dear friends.

Each of these side games truly tested my chops in terms of writing, narrative design, and coding. But I'm glad I challenged myself to take part in each of these experiences because I've walked away with so much more than I would've expected.

Alaris

My Heart. My Soul. And at times, My Worst Enemy.

As much as I may have talked about how I Wasn't making progress on this baby. I, in fact, made A LOT of progress:

Art: 15 CGs, Updated Sprites, Kickstarter Artwork

Commissions: 20 BGs, Complete GUI, Personality/Affection Indicators, Editing, Voice Acted Lines, Complete OST (8 Tracks!)

Writing: Three Finished Routes

Shipped Kickstarter Merchandise

I'm going to be Real with you all. I'm not in the mood to recap everything for Alaris in the way I did with everything else LAFKMSDFOIJWOEI. Main reason being, I do that Every Month, and at this point, I would feel like I'm repeating myself for no reason. But let me tell you, when the Enhanced Demo comes out, you will see what I'm talking about with progress made. And I'm excited for the next year when I start getting to show things off (read: Demo Release and Route Beta Releases) now that assets have really come together ^^

I will say, thank you for sticking with this project for so long. It's easy to get bogged down in development when a project like this is as big as it is. It's just as easy to think that no one will care about this by the time I release, or people will start losing their patience with me as development goes on. So I'm forever grateful for how kind, supportive, and patient you all are, especially this year <3

Connections: The True Theme of 2023

If you've made it this far, I'm extremely impressed with you. And to reward you, I'll give you a moment of honesty and vulnerability which, to be frank, I Don't Do as a person and especially with my dev persona LMFAOO ((Before I do, let it be known, CW: mention of death, grief, alcoholism, chronic illness, suicidal thoughts))

Something I don't talk about much is that for all of 2022 and most of 2023, I was not in a good place mentally. At the beginning of 2022, I lost three very important people in my life back-to-back (I'm not exaggerating when I say back-to-back it was within 2 weeks, three separate deaths lol). That, on its own, was hard to deal with. But on top of that, I soon found myself having to cope/help with a family member's chronic illness and another family member's mental health (read: alcoholism, suicidality).

While this isn't a particularly unique situation, it was one that I found myself struggling with pretty severely on top of a pretty demanding work life. And it was a situation I found myself in until about midway through this year. Things have lightened up. I navigate a new life with some pretty severe triggers, and without the presence of some of my most loved ones. But overall, I at least feel like I can breathe and function, which is a state I didn't feel like I could exist in for over a year (and started to believe I may never exist in again).

Because of this new room in my life, I was able to connect with people again, in a more genuine way. I've grown closer to a lot of dev friends, to the point I consider some of them genuine close friends. And IRL, I've been able to reconnect with some of my dearest loved ones. The main reason I bring all of this up is because this year, I felt unbelievably connected to people, whether that was dev friends in the community, people who support my games, and IRL people.

And sometimes, when you interact with people solely online, it's easy to think they don't care as much about you as you do for them. But this has been disproven to me time and time again this year. And I've found myself in a state of appreciation for so many of the people I've been blessed to meet and befriend <3 I felt this especially so during some of the game jams, with the Secret Santa gift exchange, and with my recent Holiday Tree.

So thank you for everyone who has let me take up some space in their life. You literally Do Not Know how much it means to me and impacts me. This year, while I started it in a state of slightly hopelessness and numbness, I find myself ending it with gratitude and connection.

I hope the rest of this year (the very few couple of days we have left LOL) treats everyone well. I'm excited for how we get to start 2024 and what we'll get to experience together <3 Thank you again for the memories and support, love you all very dearly ^^

[buffaloborgine]

As we all know, Yashiki and Mashita pretty much are gei, although much of the info we use to deduce such info are most likely from how they interact with each other.

But what if I tell you that if you examine them on themselves without the interaction with one another, they are still, pretty much hinted to be gei?

Let's start with Yashiki, as he is easier to dissect on this aspect.

- Kazuo Yashiki's real name is Masamune Kujou, which is a very interesting name, because his father is Muramasa Kujou, and even the trivia from the devs of the game did confirm that Muramasa gave him the name "Masamune" because the old man believes him to be the "perfect creation". This may not be a problem, until you know old man Muramasa named his daughter Saya, the name literally means "sheath" in Japanese. This shows that the Kujou family has inequality between sons and daughters, and along with the fact it is one of the noble family in Japan, the responsibility to have a good marriage and bear children falls onto the son, in this case, on Masamune Kujou. However, we saw that even before the ignition of the Death Mark event, Masamune was already in his 40s, and yet he is still single.

- Spirits can inflict fear, which means they can detect the person's inner fear and trigger it. In Yashiki's case, many of the spooks he got from spirits are lewd CGs, which proves that he fears of seeing lewd scenes with female bodies. To elaborate on this, the amount of lewd CGs in Yashiki's side of Spirit Hunter franchise is a tantalising amount in comparison to Akira's side.

So being a man in his 40s, bearing responsibility to continue the bloodline yet still single and clearly has fear on seeing naked female bodies, those should be enough to point out that Yashiki is literally gei.

Now we move onto Mashita, the cat guy is trickier to dissect, but it's not impossible.

- Mashita, on first look, seems to be an unkempt man, but on closer look, you can notice only his coat is unkempt, it's too loose. He wears neatly arranged vest, with necktie and stuffs. And asides from his shaggy hair sleepless eyes, bad habits of smoking and drinking and the impossibly rude mouth, you can see him taking care of all the other details. This proves that at some point before, Mashita wasn't the same as he is now, what caused the change though? As we know he was in a trauma after his senpai's untimely death, perhaps this would be the changing point.

- We have never heard Mashita talking about any other people that can be called as close to him, not parents not siblings, and obviously not friends. Just his senpai. This mysterious man left a huge mark on Mashita's life and despite everything of time and space and even job changed, Mashita still hasn't moved on. He still smokes and drinks alcohol (these are even his likes), he still keeps the old oil lighter, and he still wears that strangely loose coat. How much a relationship with a man can be that makes someone unable to move on even when things have changed so much? Obviously, that man wasn't just Mashita's senpai, but someone more, even more than family.

In conclusion, Mashita has already been in a relationship with his senpai, until that man passed away, and he wasn't able to move on, until his fateful meeting with Yashiki.

Yashiki was finally free from his responsibility because he is no longer a Kujou in name and as he met with Mashita, he can work out on their relationship through the spirit hunting cases. Meanwhile, as shown in the Mary's New Color DLC, Mashita leaving his coat on the hanger in Kujou Mansion is a sign that he has finally been able to move on from his past and start anew in his relationship with Yashiki.

[justsomeectoplasm]

This is the last post I will make before going on Hiatus and I feel I need to spread awareness to as much people as I can because this is the most disgusting, vile and downright pathetic behavior I have ever seen in my entire life and it needs to get more attention outside of the fandom because it's trying to be buried and forgotten.

tw: Grooming and manipulation.

Yandere dev groomed a minor.

For those who don't know who this fucking creep is (bless your soul btw), Yanderedev Aka Alex Mahan is a game developer and creator of Yandere simulator. You probably know him from "the chalice" meme that's spread around twitter and discord for sone time.

This developer was already a sketchy developer. He mistreated volunteers that helped him work on the game, acted unprofessionally towards a person with DID, having a pedophile moderate his discord and admitting his claim that "every character in Yandere simulator is 18" is bs, which if you know the sexual undertones of the game, is fucking disgusting. And finally he made suicide threats to another developer that was making a fangame that was basically doing everything he did better. (I got all of this info on the r/Osana subreddit. They have a megathread explaining this much better and the comments on said megathread gave us even more "arcs")

But the drama has since died down from what I was told and he was still being criticized but not getting as much attention as he did a few years back.

However

Back in July a youtube creator named AllyMcC was contacted by a minor named "Jane" who claimed to be groomed and sexually abused by Yanderedev/Alex Mahan on the internet. The minor provided some damming evidence that clearly showed inappropriate behavior from Alex. Much of these conversations were taking place on snapchat, with Alex demanding that the setting for messages to be deleted upon viewing be turned on. However, when Jane realized she was being groomed, she started recording the conversations they both had as well as voice calls. Of course, AllyMcC acted (albeit incredibly slowly. July?? And you published the video now?? Why....) and made a whole video detailing the allegations as well as providing the evidence. The video spread like wildfire.

However, Jane retracted her statement of Alex being a predator, claiming he is just "lonely". It is suspected that Jane was manipulated by Alex to retract her statement, as this is common behavior from grooming victims. As of now, Alex still has contact with Jane and AllyMcC states that she thinks that he is still manipulating Jane to retract more of her statement. However, more victims of Alex grooming has come forward and begged AllyMcC to keep the video up.

Alex has made a public statement in the form of a blogpost but tbh it doesn't clear anything up and it paints him as the victim in all of this. He deletes any comments on his blogpost that are negative and it's filled with a lot of victim blaming.

After Alex made that public statement, many VA's, volunteers and youtubers are jumping ship and basically disowning Alex and the project.

A few days ago, the video AllyMcC has made about the allegations was copyright striked and removed, under Jane's real name. It was later revealed that Jane herself did not file that strike, so it is suspected that Alex essentially doxxed the victim and filed a copyright strike on the video.

Luckily, the video is being mirrored and reuploaded everywhere on youtube, but it looks like Alex wants to bury the truth.

So why am I making this post? Well, There is now a petition to ban Yanderedev from patreon, essentially cutting off his only financial support for the project. We are so close to the goal but it's not enough. Please sign it and if you can please donate to the petition to help get this freak's patreon abolished and the game canceled.

https://www.change.org/p/ban-yandere-dev-from-patreon?source_location=topic_page

I also ask of you to not blame Jane for retracting her statement. Also the discord of Yandere simulator is full of Alex defenders and disgusting victim blamers, so don't try to stir up shit in that place. Let them leave of their own volition. Reblog this post with this link as much as you can.

[styrmwb]

I beat Slayers X

losers........ scroll away. u cant HANDEL how cool this game is....

Hypnospace Outlaw is one of my favorite indie games of all time (Slay the Spire is also up there, these two are the peak for me). When I found out there was a sequel I was hyped. It only took my brain... a little under a year to actually play it XD (I gave Hypnospace another playthrough a few days ago cause I never got 100% or did the Plus content so that helped). But giving me more hypnospace universe (the trennisverse, as I've heard) goodness in the form of a game created, in character, by Zane? Fucking Outstanding. I've never really been a boomer shooter guy, so this was like... technically my first one played? I had a blast the whole way through, regardless.

gameplay......

Again, never actually played with my own two hands a boomer shooter before, but of course I've watched Doom gameplay, I've played more modern FPSs. I knew what I was getting myself into, and it felt super easy to maneuver. The weapons were all really fun, and I actually got to feel like each one had its own use, although the Glass Blasta and the Rapid Mutilator were my personal favorites, for power and mobility reasons alike. I loved the map design, which wasn't constant enemies and perpetual combat like I was expecting. There was a lot of downtime that let me explore, see the details put into everything, and to look for secrets. That was my favorite part of the gameplay for sure, although I'm sure for some people they might not like those slower parts and how hard some of the secrets were to find. I know I struggled a bit on some, but I still liked it. I played on the normal difficulty, which felt like it gave me enough of a challenge and enough time to breathe. It was the perfect mix.

atmosfear....

The theming of the game was FUCKING perfect. Hypnospace crushed it with the vibe of early internet forums, and Zane was spot on for a stupid edgy 15 year old of the time. They already mastered the execution, and they got to expand on it further here. The misspellings, the nu metal soundtrack, the graphics, the toilet humor and crude but just innocent enough dialogue, it all gets the vibe exactly correct. Hell, even in real life, with Zane being the irl creator of the game, his twitter, and the way that he advertises his game is perfect. If you don't know what you're getting into, you're gonna think this game is stupid, and I know this cause I've seen quite a few people just not understand what the bit is, and the bit is 50% of the enjoyment of the game. I love it, though. Can't wait for more of this energy in the future.

musik (awsome)

Growing up in the 2000s with younger parents, the general nu metal genre and anything in that era is what I listened to growing up, so this shit is NOSTALGIC for me. I love every song in the game, I love how dirty and rancid it sounds, they literally already got it perfect in Hypnospace, and Slayers X just gives me even more of what I already love. When you're not in combat and you're just walking around, the rock takes a backside for this creepy atmospheric noise which really makes the levels, showing the dingy nature and the (literal) shit. The bonus levels have different soundtracks that get that Doom level sound perfect, which I really appreciated as well.

characterz... (Zane, the coolest guy, and those other idiots.....)

I LOVE how this game's cast feels. The in universe explanations for everything really enhances it. Zane is still that same immature child he was years ago, the game is full of his ego, but you can see in his like, dev dialogue, that he has in fact aged and mellowed out, which is really sweet and saddening to see. The same kid who made bullying pages is now a single dad who clearly loves his kid even if he's not the sharpest tool in the shed, and is dealing with a lot of hardships in life. Like the original game, it's a surface of humor with a really deep inside. You get more of his character by seeing the rest of the cast. Mevin is creepy, obviously evil, definitely not inspired by anyone irl, and Zane's way of physically lashing out at his struggles. Steffanie literally sounds like there's 0 effort being put into her lines, and combined with the secret with Adam, the person that helped Zane code the game, showing annoyance yet still helping him shows that this dude is pathetic but... there's still something in him that makes people want to help him anyways. Mikey is also in on this, putting WAY more effort than anyone would ever need to in this game, but you can tell because of that that there's just something ABOUT Zane that people can't help but want to push him forward for some reason. Again, it's heartwarming and sad, and I love that.

the rest, ig uess...

I don't really know what else to say that I haven't already said; I love this game. It gives me more of what I loved out of Hypnospace, although hyperspecified to Zane (not complaining)

I DO HAVE TO ADMIT THOUGH, I HAVE A SERIOUS BIAS CAUSE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS HELPED MAKE IT AND I LOVE TO SEE HER WORK, SHE MADE SOME OF THE LEVELS AND SOME OF THE SOUNDTRACK AND SHE'S SUPER COOL AND AWESOME AND SKILLED SHOUTOUTS TO @headachelikeapillow YOU'RE THE BEST

I got a little easter egg in the game which is super cool :) It warms my heart to see my name lead into a fuckin saw chamber (that has literally stopped every streamer I've ever seen play that level in their tracks, it's hilarious)

sorry if I'm breaking an nda you can kill me if you need

Anyways, with that aside;

10/10. BADASS GAME MADE BY THE AWESOMEST DUDE AROUND.... HELL BE RICH AND FAMOUS FOR SURE AND GET ALL THE GIRLS (LIKE HE DOESNT ALREADY BWL)

[ladypres13]

The former Yandere Sleuth is back! … kind of.

I no longer have access to my previous blog. The email it’s attached to is linked to my old phone number, which I clearly no longer have. I miss my blog so much, but sadly, I don’t think there’s a way to access it anymore. Yandere sleuth will remain untouched on tumblr as long as tumblr exists. This one will have no real theme; I’ll probably just post random memes that have no rhyme or reason.

To those who don’t remember me: hello! I ran a semi-successful yandere simulator blog on this platform between the years of 2017 and 2019. I eventually gave birth to my second son, baby sleuth (who is 4 now 😭) and my computer took a dump. The daily chaos that life has to offer eventually caught up to me. Still, I attempted to remain active in the community via Yandere simulator discord and Yandere Dev’s twitch stream. Eventually, that stopped too, because life.

Basically, I returned to elaborate on the entire situation with Yandere dev. Yes, that situation.

A few days ago, a friend, who I met in the Yandere simulator discord, texted me a link to Dev’s latest blog post (at the time) regarding this situation. I sent this to another friend, who I met through my previous blog, and the three of us are just disgusted to have ever had a part in this project or the fandom. As someone who was so active with this community for years and years, it felt as though it was a smack in the face. As a mom, as a victim to my cousin as a child, and as an adult 6 months younger than Yandere Dev, I knew immediately that I could no longer support this game or the developer.

While I find it commendable that Yandere dev is trying to make it right by acknowledging his mistakes and donating to RAINN, it doesn’t excuse what he did. It doesn’t make the situation any better, and it certainly doesn’t make everything okay again.

What Dev has done will follow him for the rest of his life. Even if he ditches his alias, abandons his project and starts fresh, the internet is very unforgiving and he will be found.

Enough of my personal feelings on the matter.

Here’s the thing. It doesn’t matter if we continue to support him or not. Yandere dev’s target on his back just got a lot bigger; it’s unavoidable at this point. There is no way that this game is going to have any kind of success as long as he is the developer. Two of the biggest gamers who have played his game, Bijuu Mike and Jay from the Kub Scoutz, have BOTH backed away. Several voice actors/actresses, volunteers and even the main music composer have also folded. Very few will donate to the crowd funding campaign as a result of this, and it will be a complete disaster.

My opinion? Yandere Simulator needs to be sold.

Yandere Dev has spent years working on this game. If he truly cares about Yandere simulator, he truly needs to consider selling it to another developer, a company, or another organization that will complete it. Otherwise, we can kiss Yandere Simulator goodbye. His name, his career, everything that he has worked for, is completely over. Many fans that have monetarily supported this game, like myself, will never go near it again.

[lowkeydeveloper]

Little Legend (old project)

Howdy Tumblr! Here's an old project I made called...

-= Little Legend =-

Unfortunately It's no longer being worked on, but It was so fun to create back in 2022 (I think). It gave me some of my most memorable experiences within both game creation and interactions with other devs! It was quite a big moment for me too since this was the first game I created my very own music and artwork!

-- About The Game --

The game follows a lost little traveler trying to make their way home after getting lost and trapped within a cave. It's an adventure game focusing on collecting items and objects for others in order to gain reputation points with fun and elaborate twists & mini-games to keep you on your toes. With enough reputation you can progress to the next area!

If you want to see a full showcase on what was in the demo, I uploaded a video a while back going through it!

-= SHOWCASE =-

-- Quests --

This is Alice's Bar, one of the areas within Sewer City that you can find a main story quest!

This is a perfect example of the menu systems within the game, this showcases the dialog system, menu and quests that would have been in the game.

-- Inventory --

Here is a testing area, just a hallway and a room. Inside though is a train ticket? How mysterious!

You can see the item-to-inventory system here, any item you pick up would be put into an array with it's description and title already generated using a dictionary that would store the relevant information!

-= MUSIC =-

All the music is made by me! I created everything myself, it was one of my first times using FL Studios so my skills have definitely improved since then but I still think these are not bad :)

I won't upload all the tracks in the demo since there are quite a few (I did plan on finishing the game and had those creative juices flowing at the time lol.) I will give you some good examples though!

-- Title Theme --

-- Ambiance Tracks --

-- Battle Themes --

-= My Thoughts =-

What do you think? I do miss working on the game, it was definitely more of a passion project of mine so I hope to return someday and re-create it inside a better engine such as Godot or Unity. It could 100% be improved in so many ways, such as the animations and overall level design (two of the things I struggled with the most back then!)

Would you like to see this return someday? I would love to hear any questions about the project or if you are curious about anything, let me know! :D

[therhythmafterthesummer]

Safe Haven ~Bang Chan | Day 152.

Pairing: SpaceRebel!Chan x WitchQueen!F.Reader Themes: Fantasy AU | Sci-Fi AU | Royalty AU | Soulmate AU | Slow Burn | Mutual Pining | Angst | Smut | Fluff. Series Warnings: Third person POV · Very loose and liberal usage of Star Wars concepts (mostly to refer to weapons and tech). you don’t need to know anything about SW to read this, trust me · Physical descriptions of the main female character such as: can visibly blush, having long hair, and being short · Violence · Swearing · Mature themes and language · Original characters · Graphic smut (later chapters) · Mentions of the members of other groups (later chapters) · No one is straight, beware · Each chapter will include its own individual warnings. Chapters marked as M (Mature) either include highly detailed violence, or smut.

Chapter Warnings: sad Chan · mentions of alcohol consumption & violence. Word Count: ~3k | AO3

Due to all the abovementioned warnings, this story is intended for a 18+ audience only. Minors do not interact. ✰This chapter has been reworked as of 16/08/2023

Previous Chapter: Day 92. | Series Masterlist. | Next Chapter: Day 159.

Author’s Note: Only two more chapters to go after this one... one more week and this story will be fully posted. feeling kinda melancholic about it already~ if you’re reading this, hope you enjoy what’s left, and don’t hesitate to leave your thoughts💜

Disclaimer: the story presented in this work does not represent Stray Kids in any way; anything described in this story and all actions performed by the characters are purely fictional, this was created just for good fun.

Nothing yet, Chan. 

Dev’s defeated voice rumbling in Chan’s head did nothing to ease his worries.

It’d been two whole months since the Charmer was defeated and brought back to Lira Le. Two whole months that Chan and his friends had spent flying across the galaxy to take back the remaining enslaved and invaded planets from the few Charmer supporters that were left.

The Alliance was doing an outstanding job with this task, all units were working together to chase away any mutated creatures, as well as Charmer supporters, and reclaim these planets in record time. There was still a long way to go, but knowing that the Charmer had been imprisoned, that there would be no new planets affected, lifted their spirits the more time passed.

Or, at least, most people’s spirits were lifted.

Chan and his friends had spent these two months carrying out their task with ease. The enhanced weapons provided to them proved to be greatly effective against the damned things, and they were all already skilled enough to defeat regular people. However, even if they were succeeding, Chan couldn’t help but feel incredibly hopeless.

The Queen and the High King had fought the Charmer and debilitated him enough to capture him, but as soon as the imminent threat was out of the way, and victory was claimed, the Queen passed out.

It had been two whole months, and she’d still not woken up.

It was quite the predicament for Chan. Every single fibre of his being was screaming at him to go to Lira Le, to stay by her side and try to support her even if she was unconscious. But she wouldn’t let him, she wouldn’t have wanted him to, especially considering the last words she gave the five unit leaders back when they met her at Dall’s base.

‘I need everyone to understand that, regardless of what happens, the moment we succeed, getting rid of the creatures in the usurped planets is of the utmost priority’, even if she was addressing everyone in the room back then, she’d been looking directly at Chan when she said it.

In a way, it was almost like the Queen knew he’d try to leave everything behind if things went south, and, had she not said those words, she would’ve been right.

Chan decided to obey the order, even if it pained him. He knew that, were she to wake up before the people had been freed and saw him there, she’d feel responsible for having taken resources away from the Alliance. He knew this, because–if the roles were reversed–that was how he’d feel, too.

So Dev kept him updated regularly, they spoke almost daily.

Chan found out that even if she was unconscious, her magic was still present, so being in Lira Le meant that the balance was stable. Which was consoling, in a way. If her magic was present, it meant she was still in there. Or, at least, that was what the High King had told Chan in one of the conversations they had.

Her vitals are fine, and the healers have managed to avoid too much muscle mass loss with some very intensive spells. Everyone’s working really hard to keep her healthy.

“That’s good”, it was good. But not good enough.

Chan was laying on the sofa in the resting area inside the Big Bad Wolf. Jeongin, Hyunjin, Felix, and Chan had been on this planet for around two weeks now. They finally managed to rid it of the damned creatures yesterday, and they decided to stay for another day just to monitor the place and make sure it was all clear.

Your Majesty… Yeah, I’m talking to him…

Chan could imagine the High King coming up to Dev at this very moment. His Majesty had been contacting him frequently, even more than Dev, which Chan appreciated. Although he never mentioned it, Chan was sure the High King knew there was something going on between Chan and his sister, and, in a way, he was trying to find comfort in Chan just like Chan was trying to find comfort in him.

Chan…

The High King’s low baritone replaced Dev’s voice, sounding much more tired than Chan could’ve anticipated, which worried him immediately.

Chan briefly recalled the Queen telling him how difficult her brother had it when it came to emotions, which was why he was usually so standoff-ish and would come off as mean or rude. 

‘Sol’s got a… a condition that’s made him this way. It’s just who he is. Whenever he’s talking to anyone that isn’t me, his snarky and rude comments, his mean tone… He doesn’t even know he’s doing it half the time, that’s really just how he’s always connected with the world, and just because he’s that way doesn’t mean he doesn’t care deeply about us. Sure, we fight a lot because we love to drive the other crazy, but regardless of his condition, I still love him dearly, just like I know he loves me, too’, she’d told Chan one night that they’d been sitting on one of the benches in the castle’s courtyard. 

The more Chan spoke with the man–especially during this sensitive period in his life–the more Chan understood what she was trying to tell him that night.

“Your Majesty… How’re you doing?” What a stupid question to ask, considering he knew how the High King was, truly. But the words came out before he could even think twice about it.

Horrible. I hate this. I really, really hate it.

“Yes, well… I can understand that”,  and Chan did. He really, really did

There was silence for a while, but he knew the High King was there. Chan had also discovered that His Majesty had a lot of difficulty expressing his feelings in a coherent manner. He’d experienced this struggle first hand during the first call they’d had, when the man just spilled a bunch of unintelligible words and phrases in a panic and Chan had to make the conscious effort to make sense of whatever he was telling him, so Chan had learnt to be patient with him.

I know you can’t come… The Alliance’s mission and all that… 

The High King learnt all about the Alliance from Dev, Chan found out after the battle. That was how he’d ended up on the battlefield in the first place.

Apparently, when the Queen had spoken to Chan about her backup plans, one of them was for Dev to tell the High King everything. Every single detail.

It seemed like Dev didn’t follow the plan as intended, though, because, out of worry, he spoke with His Majesty even without the Queen’s command as the battle was taking place. Which was clearly a very wise choice on his part.

Chan learnt from the High King himself that even if he wasn’t directly involved with the Alliance, he did know about the Charmer’s identity, and that he’d tried to meet him and convince him to stop his madness. Which confirmed Chan’s suspicions that the injury the man had sustained during Chan’s stay in Lira Le had been inflicted by Ike–or, rather, by one of his creatures. 

Dev had told Chan after the High King’s confession that the only reason the Queen had kept the Alliance a secret from her brother was because, if her identity were to be discovered, she didn’t want the High King to be dragged into the mess. As the face of the Liralean monarchy, he needed to remain neutral, and she knew her brother well enough to know that the moment he found out what she was doing, that neutrality would fly out the window, and he’d try to assist her without hesitation–which was exactly what happened.

You can’t come, but… Do you think… Do you think you could talk to her?

Chan’s eyes widened, surprised by the sudden request. “I’m sorry, Your Majesty. But what do you mean exactly?”

I mean what I said, Chan. You should talk to her. When I’m… When I’m not feeling my best I always find comfort in Hoseok’s voice. Even if she’s unconscious, I think she can find comfort in your voice, too.

The juxtaposition of the High King’s relationship with Hoseok and Chan’s with the Queen didn’t go unnoticed. It was the first time His Majesty had come remotely close to address it and that, admittedly, brought heat to his face.

As usual, Chan decided to ignore it.

“What would I even say…” Chan said it more to himself than to His Majesty, but the man answered regardless.

It literally doesn’t matter. Anything goes, really. I’ll leave the stone with her. If we’re not talking to you, assume it’s resting on her skin, so just… talk to her.

“...so, if I connect these cables to the circuit board I mentioned earlier, it’ll help me recalibrate the blasters, and…”

Chan took the High King’s request to heart.

All day, he’d been talking out loud as he worked on his ship to prepare it for their trip later that evening. Which was already something he often did to keep track of his tasks, just that this time, he started by saying the Queen’s name, and his string of thoughts started flying past his lips immediately after.

“You know, the other day I was showing Jeongin how to do this properly. I don’t think he was listening to me, though. He hardly ever does, that rascal… Even when…”

It was oddly therapeutic, in a way. However, he couldn’t help but wonder if it’d be as the High King said… Would it really make a difference at all? Would it really help her? Chan hoped it did.

With a sigh, Chan took his hand out from the open panel on the side of the ship, and laid his hand flat on the cool metal in front of him.

“It’s all boring stuff, I know…” With his eyes unfocused, looking at nothing in particular inside the panel, his fingers tapped the surface. “I just… wish you’d wake up. I miss you, and there are so many things I want to tell you, but… not like this”.

Chan rested his forehead on the cool surface of his ship. Slowly, and very, very softly, he started hitting his forehead against it. He was getting more and more frustrated every day that passed. If only he could go, if he could be there, maybe things would be different, maybe–

“Chris”, Felix’s voice broke through the noise in his mind, and Chan’s head snapped in its direction as soon as he heard it.

Felix looked at him. He looked incredibly serious as his eyes scanned Chan’s face.

With a sigh, he stepped into Chan’s space, bringing his arms to his shoulders and pulling Chan into a hug. Felix held him tightly, and Chan was completely taken aback by the sudden gesture. “You know you can talk to me, right?”

Chan blinked, slowly bringing his arms up to hug his friend back. “I know. What’s this all about?”

Felix pulled away from the hug, and rested his hands on Chan’s shoulders, keeping him an arm’s distance away. “I’m not an idiot, Christopher. I know you’re hurting because of the… the whole situation with the Queen”.

Chan nodded, suddenly unable to keep his friend’s gaze.

Changbin and Felix had seen the Queen and the High King in the battlefield, which they inquired about as soon as the battle was over and everyone was safe from imminent danger. Chan had promised to the Queen that he wouldn’t reveal the identity of Dall, so even when the Charmer had been captured, he didn’t say anything about it to his friends. He did, however, mention the Charmer’s identity, which gave his friends the explanation they needed to understand the twins’ presence in the battlefield, and the news soon spread among his crew.

As far as Chan knew, though, no one else really knew who’d been the two people that fought and defeated the Charmer, and Yong had made sure everyone thought the High King’s Guard was just an extension of Dall’s unit, which seemed to have successfully kept both the High King’s and the Queen’s identity a secret. 

“So, you don’t need to bottle it all up. You can talk to me”, Felix shook his friend slightly, trying to emphasise his words.

“I know, I know… I just…” Chan let out a tired sigh, unsure of how to navigate this intervention. He must be extra weak these days, since he found it incredibly hard to put his walls up around his friend. “I can’t explain it, but… it hurts, Lix. It hurts a lot. And I don’t know what to do”.

“You don’t have to do anything”, Felix added with a tight squeeze on Chan’s shoulders. “Her Majesty, she… she’s strong”.

“But what if… what if she doesn’t make it, Felix? What if–”

“Don’t go there”, Felix warned, his voice stern. “You’re spiralling, you’ve been all these days and I get it, I do. But you’ve got to have faith in her. From what you’ve told me, she’s stable, that’s a good sign”.

Chan returned his eyes to his friend’s, feeling that knot tighten in his throat as he saw the concern in them. With another tight squeeze to his shoulders, Felix spoke again. “So, please. Just talk to me. I know you like to keep these things to yourself, but I can’t let you. Not when I can see how they’re piling up in you”.

Chan scanned his friend’s face for a moment. Felix was right, he knew it, and for once, he decided to take his friend’s offer. “Okay. Let’s hop onto the roof”.

Sitting on the roof of a ship was something Chan and Felix used to do regularly back in the day when they were on their own. It was the equivalent of sitting in a private, quiet place for them to talk about things that weighed heavy on their shoulders. So the moment Chan suggested it, Felix was already climbing his way up.

Felix had gotten quite adept with his magic, enough to emit tendrils of light from his hands to land blows on the battlefield, and enough to be able to flick his wrist and make two soda cans appear from thin air when they sat down on the roof of the Big Bad Wolf, with their backs pressed against one of the protruding surfaces on it. The action brought a smile to Chan’s face, it always made him happy to see his friend’s progress on something that was so fundamentally important to him.

“So, how long have you known?” Chan was genuinely curious. At this point, probably everyone in his crew knew the Queen’s state was weighing heavy on him. Whether they knew it was because of his feelings for her or not, he wasn’t sure.

“That you’re worried about Her Majesty or that you two are a thing?” Felix asked nonchalantly as he opened his can.

“I guess… the latter?” Chan popped his drink open, too, and took a sip.

“I knew there was something there the very first time I saw you two talking to each other in the courtyard the day we came back from the trip with Dev”, Felix shrugged, taking a sip of his drink. “I was sure about it the evening the four of us went to the castle town for drinks and saw you two in an alleyway eating face against a wall”.

Chan choked on his drink at that. He’d been drunk that day, true, but he was sure he hadn’t been drunk enough to not notice someone’s presence around them at the time… Well, maybe he had been…

“Why are you acting shocked all of a sudden?” Felix snorted. “Anyone with eyes could’ve noticed something was going on even without seeing you both with your tongues down each other’s throats”.

Chan felt heat on his ears, and he brought a hand to his face to hide from his friend’s teasing eyes. The worst part about it, though, was that he started to recount every single detail of that night, of that particular moment, which now made his heart ache. Oh, what he’d give for just a bit of her warmth right now…

“I mean, I figured you must’ve had a reason to not say anything. At first I thought it might’ve been like a fling or something, but seeing you now feels like… like it’s way more serious than that”.

“It is”, Chan removed his hand from his face, and took a sip of his drink. “Never… Never felt anything like it, to be honest with you”.

“What about the guy from Nadell?”

“Dude!” Chan laughed at that, incredulous. “The fuck? Haven’t even thought about that guy in years. It’s incomparable now”, a soft chuckle passed his lips as he brought the can to his mouth and took a sip.

“Hey, but it made you laugh, at least”, Felix nudged Chan with his shoulder, with a soft smile resting on his lips.

Chan looked at his friend, slightly perplexed.

Of course this was Felix’s plan, to try to make him laugh or at least to make him focus on something else. It was such a Felix move, and Chan had let himself fall for it, just like he did every single time.

“Come on, don’t get all shy on me now”, Felix chuckled. “Spill all your worries on your little brother Yongbok. I’m listening”.

Being back at their base felt refreshing, which was very telling of the place they’d been in the past two weeks.

Once they were sure everything was in the clear, Chan, Felix, Hyunjin, and Jeongin had hopped onto the Big Bad Wolf and left as swiftly as they could, reaching their base in only half an hour thanks to the great advances of hyperdriving.

The first thing Chan did as soon as he was back was take a long, warm shower. Some of his tension washed away with it–not like he was fine in any way, but at least being squeaky clean again helped some of that hopelessness he was feeling.

The second thing he did was send his report on the mission to the Alliance. It was odd, considering he now knew the messages would usually reach the Queen herself.

As Dev had explained it to Chan, the Queen’s guards and himself had been taking care of the Alliance’s communications in Her Majesty’s absence, so most of the messages that were usually sent by Dall were not even signed with a name these days.

He decided to catch up on his messages from other units, too. Hongjoong’s message was particularly enthusiastic. He and his crew had probably restored peace in the most planets out of all units in the Alliance, which did bring a small smile to Chan’s face. Everyone was doing their best, clearly, and it was paying off.

Being honest with himself, the conversation Chan had with Felix earlier had helped him more than he’d expected. Yes, he was still sad and hopeless and sulking, but having let all his thoughts out to someone else meant they no longer resonated incessantly in his brain, which he was grateful for.

Once again, he was reminded that he had people to rely on–people who would borderline force him to rely on them when things went wrong out of their own concern. He certainly needed to work on that need to not burden anyone with his worries, considering everyone seemed to worry regardless, whether he spoke about them or not.

As Chan laid on his bed that night, his mind couldn’t help but wander. Once again, he felt that itch under his skin that urged him to move–to leave wherever he was, hop onto the Big Bad Wolf and hyperdrive to Lira Le. And once again, he was reminded that he couldn’t do that just yet. Not without breaking the last order from his leader. Her last order.

He was trying his best to not spiral again, and the quietness of his room honestly did little to ease his worries. Chan remembered how a couple of months ago, he could hear that weird hum in his ears… It’d gone missing again after the battle, and, as he laid in silence, he realised he missed it. He wished he could be comforted by that sound again, just like he had been many times in the past.

Maybe he’d truly lost it, just like Minho had suggested to him several times already.

Chris…

Chan’s heart jumped out of his ribcage and up into his throat at the sudden call of his name. He scrambled to sit on his bed, with wide eyes and his eyebrows high on his face from the shock.

Was he imagining things? Had he truly lost it?

…Are you awake?

Surely not. Chan had heard many voices in his head these days, but this was the only one he’d really wanted to hear, and hearing it now was steadily replacing the hopelessness that had been clinging to him all these sleepless nights, and leaving only warmth in its place.

“Am I–” Chan laughed, an incredulous laugh. “Are you?” His hands trembled slightly as he gripped the bedsheets, and his heart started beating increasingly fast in his chest.

Mhm… So it seems…

Finally… After so many weeks, he finally felt it.

Relief.

Previous Chapter: Day 92. | Series Masterlist. | Next Chapter: Day 159.

© therhythmafterthesummer 2022-2023. all rights reserved. do not repost or translate my stories.

[bellevvalencia]

All things considered

When I think about how I’m right here, right now, still laughing and feeling and trying, I think about the innate mechanism of humans that alert them on what they need to do to survive.

You live to fight another day.

There was no time to think. In March, I was jammed into the team’s most complicated system that I had to get within a week. I was coming in at 8 and leaving at 8. I had been juggling operations that I barely understood in one hand, and my dev work that was way far from the finish line in my other hand. It was just not enough.

In April, I went to three different funerals in three weeks. I was sad and numb and stressed. It was also scary how more accepting I have become about death, both actual and make-believe. (Because, like many of us, I assume, I have relatives who are fucking dead to me). I was on the road most of the time, balancing the responsibilities I have at work and at home on the tip of my nose, while indulging on the side with my best friends.

It’s probably why in May, oh my God, in May, I just felt high. Like nothing matters anymore and I can be anything. I was a shapeshifter. I was Belle and Belly and Andrea all at the same time. I fixed and broke. I stayed silent and laughed aloud. I came and went. I took on anything and killed it.

But the moment I sat down with a one-on-one with Rafa, my infamous 24-year-old supervisor, I realized I had the same problem that I had three months ago, back when I felt way less at-home at the office.

“Have a point-of-view,” he said. “Write that down.”

I couldn’t give him anything - not a want or a need or a direction. I could only tell him that I’m okay and I like what I’m doing, and I could only ask him to give me three more months to figure it out. Figuring out a clear view of what I want to do is such a pain in my ass. Everyone knows I’ve always been like this. In high school, in college, all I’ve ever known was I’d take anything that I could get, simply because my reality is I didn’t grow up with a dream.

I wanted life to be simple. Happy with my family and friends, and able to spend time with them as long as I can.

All things considered, everything’s turning out well. I sat on a coaching session one slow Monday with Jerome, our CEO, and when I told him that my stressor was that I had no idea what to chase after, he cut me off almost immediately.

“Got it. Nobody truly knows what they want.”

I smiled, glimpsing at Rafa then, because it felt validating, like I was right to feel that way, at 22. Although it also felt bad, because I knew it would be more work for him, helping this stupid fresh grad create her own point-of-view. Some people won’t ever have this problem. They’d know what the hell they wanted to do. Most importantly, this shouldn’t even be a concern for Rafa, for someone else. And yet, because we’re a tight, neurotic team, it is.

If you think about it, it’s a concern mostly for me, but is it weird that I’m not that bothered?

It’s too bad I don’t have enough time to think, then.

All things considered, everything’s turning out well. Can you believe they gave me a fucking raise? I still don’t know if I deserve it. What did I even do? I just did what everyone told me to! It’s always so hard to find grace when you don’t have the time to think. Maybe someday, in three more months, along with a point-of-view, I’ll figure it out.

Everyone is lying when they say college is the hardest part. It’s not. Leaving college is the hardest part. You’re starting anew. You’re making your own choices. No profs to pick, no grades to get. Hell, if you want, you can pretty much just stop. It’s what makes it so scary. The world becomes your oyster. You can do anything. And yet, you can’t. You can never do it all. Nobody truly knows what they want. The only way through is to accept it, live with it. You can never live up to your expectations, even though you don’t know what those expectations are.

That’s how you know you’re doing well. Even though you will never ever believe that.

It’s just how it is for people like us.

So I guess, when I think about today, all things considered: complicated systems, death, life, responsibilities, indulgement, missing directions, and tree-tall highs and ocean-deep lows...I think about how the hell everything is turning out pretty well.

[shireness-says]

🌟

Oh, dear Dev, you've given me too much power. So I'm going to use it to talk more about wait for the morning (i'll be waiting for you). Because it's one of my favorites.

This was, oddly enough, a weird one to write. There were bits that came to me fully formed, and barely took effort to write. A LOT of those, actually. They were all these little slice of life pieces, though, and this weird conviction that they were all supposed to be read together in one fic. Which is where the problem started - because there was no plot. I had something like 8k of plotless, questionably-connected snippets. Maybe that's fine for some folks, but I'm a believer that a long fic needs to have a plot, or at least a theme - something to tie everything together, something to wind its way through. And this was already shaping up to be looooooooooong.

(For reference: the final product was barely under 20k words. Yeah.)

Things got a bit better when I decided that, despite billing this as a 3b divergence, I still wanted the Zelena stuff to happen. That gave me a roadmap, at least, of what to circle these plotless bits around - start to re-center things around "what would it look like if Emma and Killian were starting a relationship, in a real way, while all of this was going on?" It helped, too, to identify the things that bothered me about that arc, and map out how I wanted to fix them. Including writing a True Love's kiss.

Once I sat down to actually write the TLK, that's when things finally coalesced. There's a line that I wrote because it felt right, only to realize later that it sparked a theme I could center around:

The important thing here is that she kisses him not just like she means it, but like she believes it. She loves him, and he loves her; there’s no reason that shouldn’t be enough to break curses and move mountains and change fate, as long as she believes in it. 

It just kind of... sparked something in my brain. Of course this fic is about belief; it's about believing in each other, and believing in the possibilities in people and in the world, and believing that the things you do mean something. I had already started to lay the groundwork for that without realizing it; from there, it was going back and dropping more breadcrumbs, making sure that Emma and especially Killian talked about belief earlier.

This is definitely one of my longer fics, but it's a fun one, and one I'm particularly proud of. Thanks for letting me talk about it!

Ask me for the "Director's Commentary" on my fics!

[timeworncalamity]

Val: 📣👨‍👩‍👦🌎🎷

Strike: 🎵🔫🌪🔥

Ashi: 🔥💚🌋🕷

Sorry this is a lot :) (not sorry at all, bITES YOU)

Valentine

📣 MEGAPHONE - how loud are they? what do they speak like? got a voice claim?

-Val is very soft spoken. They are extremely laid back and try to talk things out instead of yell or get angry. Overall they are a very gentle soul. If Val is raising their voice at someone it means they have been pushed too far and are probably upset enough that they are crying in frustration. This doesn’t happen often but when it does it isn’t pretty. They don’t have a solid voice claim yet!!

👪 FAMILY - what is their family like? what is your ocs relationship to them? does your oc have any siblings?

-Val’s parents are much louder and excitable than Val. They are the type of parents to show off baby pictures and tell stories, it actually embarrassesVal since they are shy. They love their parents but they don’t visit often. I actually hadn’t thought about if Val had siblings to be honest. I think they might be an only child or if they do have siblings they are younger? I’ll have to think about that now DHSJSBSJ.

🌏 EARTH - will they give up the world for someone they love? is this decision easy for them?

-Val would give up the world to protect the people they love. It would be an extremely hard decision and they would have a hard time loving with the guilt, but they would do it.

🎷 SAXOPHONE - do they play any instruments? are they any good at it?

-Val is actually in a band with their friends!! They learned how to play the guitar and have become very comfortable with their instrument. They love going to practice and strumming out tunes, really letting the music get them in a groove. Being on stage at a show actually lets them come out of their shell and gets them going for a while since they strangely don’t have stage fright.

Strike

🎵 MUSIC NOTE - what is their playlist like? their favourite artists? do you associate a particular song with them?

-Strike’s playlist has honestly become a comfort playlist at this point. It’s got a wide range of music on it most of it being rock/screamo. Their favorite artist is probably Bring me the Horizon to no one’s surprise. I associate many songs to them but a couple that stand out a lot for them at least to me are Teardrops : BMTH and Nothing Shameful : Dance Gavin Dance.

🔫 PISTOL - do they trust people easily? how easily will they turn their back to someone? have they been backstabbed before? will they betray someone if given an ultimatum?

-Strike has really bad trust issues. They haven’t exactly had luck when it’s come to trusting people and it has made them quite reluctant to make friends. Despite how they feel about strangers they are still likely to help someone in need, much to their own dismay. They have been backstabbed more than they will admit and one of those times it costed them everything, they have been rebuilding their life since that day. Strike is very unlikely to betray someone. They might not be a people person but they are trustworthy.

🌪️ TORNADO - what is the biggest change you've ever made to them? how have they changed from their original version?

-the biggest change I ever made to them was I stopped trying to force them into a personality I wanted for them but they obviously didn’t want. I let them speak to me freely and get a feel for the vibes and music that gave me the best ideas for them and it has helped me dev them and become more comfortable with than as a character. Unfortunately that means they have become much more troubled and sad since their first draft but they are a comfort character who helps me deal with my raw emotions.

🔥 FIRE - do they have any self destructive tendencies? what habits do they have that hinder them from becoming their best self?

-Strike will shut down and go numb. Trying to hide their emotions from their friends which in turn makes them irritable and disconnected from their surroundings. They will also shut themself off and sleep it all away. When things get really bad they will bite their arms and hands to ground themself. This is really rare tho thankfully.

Ashi

🔥 FIRE - do they have any self destructive tendencies? what habits do they have that hinder them from becoming their best self?

-Ashi’s worst destructive tendency is he lies. He will lie if he thinks something will hurt someone he cares about and he will disregard and lie about how he’s actually feeling. He’s horrible at opening up even to the people closest to him. He will push himself to the the limit and convince himself he still doesn’t need help.

💚 GREEN HEART - what things make your oc feel comforted? hugs, kisses, food?

-the best way to comfort him is to wrap him up in a really tight hug and just hold him for a little while. Physical affection helps ground him and give him reassurance that he’s okay.

🌋 VOLCANO - how bad is their temper? is it a slow boil, or a instant explosion?

-Ashi actually has a bit of a temper on him. Sometimes it will show in his little bratty moments when he gets an attitude about things annoying him and other times he will all out snap. Usually he doesn’t go into a rage unless someone has hurt him or someone he loves but when it happens his temper explodes.

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

-Ashi is afraid of losing control and identity. The thought of him having no control of himself resulting in him hurting a loved one or losing himself all together and becoming someone unrecognizable terrifies him. He doesn’t want to become a monster. He is also afraid of doctors offices and a minor fear that will cause him to snap at someone is grabbing him. If he is walking away from a heated argument just…. Do not grab him to get his attention. Don’t do it.

[prokopetz]

So Mina the Hollower became one of my most anticipated games basically the moment I saw it, but it also gave me a hankering for that style of game. The Zelda Oracle games can only sate me for so long, so is there a chance you know of anything in that particular style? Not being a stickler for graphics, either!

My favourite example of the type is definitely Lenna's Inception. It actually has two different tilesets you can switch between, one SNES-style and one GBC-style, so it conveniently hits the graphical criteria of your request as well as the gameplay ones. Don't let the "roguelike" tag that people keep sticking on it throw you; the overworld and dungeon maps are randomly generated for each save file, but they don't change when you die, and there's no particular way to lose progress unless you're playing in one of the challenge modes.

Just one caveat: if the trailers didn't make it obvious enough, it's one of those games whose story and mechanics go all meta near the end. This one takes it a bit further than most, with tileset corruption, wall clipping, and abnormal screen-wrapping behaviour all appearing as intended mechanics of play in the later portions of the game. Fair warning if that's a dealbreaker for you!

On the flip side, if brainfucky meta stuff is a selling point for you, you might have a look at Anodyne. Its gameplay and story might best be described as a hybrid of the GBC Zelda titles and a surrealist walking sim in the mode of Yume Nikki. The graphics are more GBA than GBC, though. Its sequel is much the same in its broad strokes, replacing the graphical style of the overworld walking sim bits with a reasonably accurate visual pastiche of early PS2 titles, while retaining the GBA-style dungeon segments. Both games warrant a content warning for discussion of suicidal ideation, with some mild body horror in the sequel as well.

Ittle Dew 2 is a weird little experiment in style. It’s trying to wed all the bells and whistles of contemporary 3D graphics with the aesthetic sensibilities of an NES game; the results are either charming or strikingly ugly, depending on who you ask. The gameplay takes a similar tack, attempting to combine modern puzzle design with the nonlinearity of early Zelda-likes, and for the most part it succeeds. Nearly every puzzle offers multiple intended solutions to accommodate varying combinations of inventory items, though the devs couldn’t anticipate everything, so it’s still possible to get roadblocked in places if you decide to tackle the dungeons in an exceptionally weird order.

(The previous game in the series may also be of interest, though it’s further afield of what you’re asking for. Here the puzzle-solving focuses on combining a very limited number of inventory items in complicated and often counter-intuitive ways, at times more closely resembling a point-and-click adventure game than a Zelda-alike in terms of the kind of lateral thinking involved.)

Blossom Tales: The Sleeping King is probably the least retro out of any title on this list. In spite of the chunky pixel graphics, it calls back to the SNES era in visual presentation only, being otherwise thoroughly modern in its approach to gameplay. Very fun story, though; it’s meta in the whimsical way rather than the brainfucky way, framed as an improvised yarn told by a grandfather to his grandchildren, with some very cute sequences where the plot jumps the tracks because kids decided to interject their own details. If this one grabs you, the forthcoming sequel is definitely worth keeping an eye on as well.

Finally, if you’re willing to check out something that turns the retro dial all the way back to Link’s Awakening, you might have a look at Wirewalk()↳. It’s one of the most faithful pastiches of the era it’s emulating that I’ve run into, and features creative dungeon design in the few dungeons it has. Fair warning about the length: it’s a very short game. If you’re experienced with the genre, you can probably shoot through a 100% playthrough in two to three hours.

[malleux]

PART THREE PART THREE PART THREE

spell [3]. | corpse husband

part one ; part two

-> Pairing: Corpse Husband x Fem!Reader

-> Genre: Fluff

-> Warnings: Anxiety, Self Doubt, Cursing, Hate Comments

-> A/N: here’s the long awaited part three! it’s definitely longer than the last chapters, but genuinely thank you all for 300 followers in literally 4 days lol. also, i wrote this under the small assumption that corpse’s main love language is physical touch!

corpse husband taglist is closed!

You didn’t realize that it was possible to shake so much. You were practically panicking- just from standing in front of an apartment door, ready to knock and meet the man who changed your life.

You’d woken up this morning bright and early. The Facetime call was still on with Corpse and small snores could be heard from his line. You had prayed that he’d gotten at least more than an hour, but doubted it as you hung up and sent a message about when you’d be leaving.

Corpse soon messaged back saying that he was awake as you finally finished packing- you’d stopped last night when he called- so you got in your car and drove the two hours it took to get to San Diego.

So now you stood in front of his apartment, practically trembling. Why you were so anxious, you didn’t know. You’d been talking to him for how long now? And it was never awkward.

But things could easily change when you met him in real life, couldn’t they?

You shook those thoughts out of your head and mustered up enough courage to knock on Corpse’s door, already becoming out of breath from such a simple gesture.

A crash sounded from in the apartment, followed by a small ‘fuck’ that made your heart flip. Soon after, the door opened and you looked up, finally coming eye to eye with him. You couldn’t help the grin that stretched across your face, mirroring his own as he smiled at you as well.

“Hi.” You internally smacked yourself for not saying more, but that’s truly all that could come out of your mouth at the moment.

“Hey. You’re uh- you’re so much prettier in real life.” Corpse responded, looking nearly everywhere but you.

You flushed. “And you’re super attractive, but I already suspected that.”

You could tell he was taken aback by your compliment because he suddenly became even more shy, silently moving out of the doorway and gesturing for you to enter.

“I’m going to film again with everyone in a few minutes, but first I can show you my bedroom so you can make yourself comfortable.” Corpse said after he closed the door. “You can sleep in there and I’ll stay on the couch-“

“Absolutely not.” You interjected, “I’m not kicking you out of your bed.”

“But you’re the guest and I’m not about to let you sleep on my couch.”

“And you’re the owner of this apartment and I’m not going to take over your space like that. I’m sleeping on the couch.”

Corpse groaned and reached his arm out towards you. You thought he was going to just shove your shoulder away for being stubborn, but instead he wrapped his arm completely around your shoulders, pulling you into his side as a hug. You grinned and turned, giving him a full hug and resting your cheek against his chest as his chin laid on your head.

“I’m for real glad you came to visit.” He murmured into your hair, squeezing you a bit tighter before letting go. “Do you wanna stream with me tonight or just chill and watch?”

꧁꧂

“Corpse is streaming Among Us again with Sean, Felix, Rae, Sykkuno, Dave, and Leslie!”

“Where’s Y/N? I miss #CorpseY/N !!”

Twitter was truly your go-to platform when you were bored. You’d been scrolling on it for about thirty minutes now, laying on a small couch that Corpse had in his gaming room.

The man himself was sitting across the room at his desk, talking loudly as he defended himself from being accused as Imposter.

You continued to scroll, feeling a little anxious that somehow Corpse just magically knew that you were looking through your ship tag with him. These were your only worried thoughts until you went past your first… unsavory comment of the day.

“Y/N isn’t playing with them again today. Maybe she finally got the hint that they don’t want her around.”

You rolled your eyes and ignored it, but couldn’t help the rather loud sigh that escaped your lips.

“Hey, guys, I’m going to mute the mic for a second. Everything’s good, don’t worry.” Corpse said into his mic before turning around and facing you. “Is everything okay?”

Turning the phone off and laying it on your chest, you contemplated telling Corpse the truth. He’d just worry about you and you didn’t want that. But he already was worried about you- he’d muted Among Us just to check on you.

“Why are people so mean to others?”

Corpse studied you for a minute before patting his lap. “Come here.”

You quirked an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“You're excused. Now come here.”

You stood up and cautiously walked towards the man, who sat before you expectantly. He playfully rolled his eyes and grabbed your wrist, pulling you into his lap sideways. Your back rested against one arm of his gaming chair while your legs draped across the other.

Corpse had one arm reaching around your back, placing his fingers on the keyboard while the other rested on top of your knees, grabbing the computer mouse. You laid your head on Corpse’s shoulder, resting in the crook of his neck.

“It’s in that shipping hashtag, isn’t it? I swear- whoever says that shit about you is dead wrong. Tell me if it gets worse, I’ll put them back in their fucking place. Nobody gets to decide who I’m with or who’s worthy of me.”

You only nodded and closed your eyes, breathing in Corpse’s cologne as he unmuted his mic once more to defend his honor, much like he was ready to defend you.

꧁꧂

Your body ached.

As you had argued your first day with Corpse, you’d been sleeping on his couch for four days now. The first night was okay- his couch was rather comfortable, but it didn’t compare to a bed. Now, your back, shoulders, and neck were killing you.

Every day, 7am would roll around and you would wake up, the soreness preventing you from sleeping in longer.

Usually, you would go into Corpse’s room and talk to him as he messed around on his laptop while sitting in his bed, but today when you entered, he was finally sleeping. It was the first time you’d seen him rest since you’d arrived and you quietly left, not wanting to disturb his much-needed sleep.

You made your way to his small kitchen, pulling out the few groceries that he had in his refrigerator to make breakfast.

Corpse often ate fast foods and takeout, and apologized earlier in the week for not having much to eat. You reassured him that it was okay- that him just letting you visit was enough- and now, you were determined to make it up to him with the best breakfast in bed ever.

You were halfway through making breakfast when the soft thump of feet echoed in the doorway before a chin planted itself on your shoulder.

“Whatcha cookin?” You practically shuddered at Corpse’s morning voice before suddenly gasping and shoving him out of the kitchen.

“No! No!” You pushed him back to his room, “Stay! Go back to bed, now!”

Right as you turned to go back to the kitchen, Corpse caught your wrist and pulled you down onto the bed with him. You practically squealed as you fell, making him laugh.

“Why? What’s going on?” He turned to face you with a teasing smile.

“I was making you breakfast in bed! I was gonna surprise you when you woke up, but you ruined it.” You pouted.

“Aw, poor baby.” His hand reached up and brushed a stray hair out of your face before he traced down your jawline, reaching your chin and using his finger to tilt it up. “I think I’ve got a better surprise, though.”

You quirked an eyebrow, but before you could say anything his lips were on yours. Your heart stopped, but you almost immediately melted into his kiss, bringing your own hand up to cup his cheek while his moved to rest on your waist.

Corpse soon propped himself up on his elbow, never once leaving your lips- just deepening the kiss. He smiled and gave you a few more pecks before finally pulling away and looking at you in adoration.

“Those little hate comments? They’re wrong. If anything, I don’t deserve you. You’ve still got me under a little spell and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Corpse, you deserve the world and I’d be honored to be the one to give it to you.”

“God, you’re perfect for me.”

You couldn’t say anything else. You could only lay beneath him, admiring the man who was now yours. Corpse leaned down again to capture you in another kiss, but you suddenly jerked away before you could lose yourself again.

“Shit, the pancakes!”

┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒

spell taglist: @tanchosanke @paoisabelll @save-the-sky @yukinesekki98 @stephn-prkr @honestlyimstilllivinginthe90s @lustypielita @bi-andready-tocry @coruscaret

corpse taglist: @namjoons-crabssss @lookingforaplacetosleep @teenloves @princess00wifi @pillowjj @nvm-idgaf @creativedogs @wildflowerwhore @chillininahottub-withaghost @whyisquill @holosexualunicorn7000 @ourheavenlyemotions @corbins-kinda-smart @harryhighkey @sokkaspaintings @saturn2000 @a-dot-dev @bean04 @helena-way07 @tooturntashbash @locallolli @simonsbluee @redperson58 @reddeserths @annshit @corpsie-bby @emperor-pizza @vacaprincess @adorably-sweet-hufflepuff @rolls-and-rolex @supernovavision @bestgirlkonan @hughugh20 @theolwebshooter @johnjacobjingleheimerschmidt @shinyyoonie @milybones @propertyofdindjarin @qatiee @sunshineandrainyflowers @dontlookatmeidk @kxsmicsmain @corpsesgirl @witchybarb

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[interact-if]

Day 2 of the People With Disabilities Month Featured Author Interviews! Our next author on the roaster....Alex! 

Alex, author of Forgotten Names 

People With Disabilities Month Featured Author

You’re one of the five Northern Gates Council members. Your territory is strange to say the least, with eerie, sentient woods and something beyond your border that no one speaks of. You’ve assumed the position as one of the rulers recently, so you’re still trying to figure it out.

That would be hard enough by itself, but one night you receive word from the Silent Throne that you’re being summoned to the court, because something happened. So you must depart immediately.

An uncanny forest, magic, a lost legacy, royal problems and conflict between regions. Welcome to Eblur Kingdom. And be careful not to forget your name

Forgotten Names Demo | Author’s Ko-fi | Read more about Forgotten Names [here]

Tags: Fantasy

(INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT!) 

Q1. So, tell us a little bit about the projects you’re working on!

Currently I’m working on two IF projects, Forgotten Names and Swallow the Dark. Forgotten Names is my first IF project ever. The story takes place in a fantasy, European-inspired world and it’s more focused on adventure and court politics.

Meanwhile, Swallow the Dark is an urban mystery in which I explore themes like mental health, anger, loss and family. With supernatural powers and lots of neon lights, of course.

Q2. What has been your favorite thing about interactive fiction as a medium? What are some of the biggest challenges?

Before I started with Forgotten Names, I had been playing IF games for years already. I loved the idea of collaboration between the author and the reader and the sense of involvement it gave me as a reader. After I decided to write Forgotten Names, I became fascinated by the idea of trying to anticipate the readers’ intentions and motivations. It’s like building a home for someone else. You do it while thinking what the other might need from it, but the construction will always remain infused with your presence.

The biggest challenge for me is finding the best way to convey the things I want the readers to experience. There are days when I simply look at the screen and think that a lot of things are missing from a certain scene, but I can’t even pinpoint them. It can be very frustrating.

Q3. What is something you’re excited to explore within your work?

Relationship dynamics, for sure. And I’m referring to all types of relationships, but my most favorite ones are those within a family or between friends. I enjoy exploring the more subtle dimensions of a typically straightforward relationship and its darker corners. The important relationships in my works always have a twist, even if it’s not revealed from the start.

Q4. Has your disability influenced your work? Whether it’s worldbuilding, the design, the process, and positive or negative--what is your advice in working with your disability and being creative?

Yep, my condition influences pretty much everything I do because I can’t do proper planning, I never know how I’ll feel in two months or even two weeks. That’s not to say I cannot plan at all, it’s just that I always have to make backup plans if I want to organize myself. On the other hand, a lot of things in Swallow the Dark were inspired by my issues and by how I experienced them subjectively. Writing about this was a cathartic experience for me so my advice would be to use all you have and just burn it in the creative process. It makes things a lot easier.

Q5 What is something you’d love to see in interactive fiction?

More stories with family involved, not just as background characters. Older main characters. Villains you can understand and still hate them. There are authors who already include these elements, but there’s always space for more.

Q6. Any advice to give to aspiring devs?

To be patient with themselves, first of all. We all know that the hardest thing is to just open that document and start writing, but even so, there are days when you just can’t look at the screen. I think that’s fine. And if it gets too frustrating, to use that anger. There were times when I wrote, in a sense, out of spite, and it actually helped me.

[the-great-elwisty]

NWN2 cut content: Casavir

#6

The game doesn’t exactly hide that Casavir’s troubled by something in his past, and that his campaign in the mountains is as much about him running away as it is about him being suicidally brave. We were naturally supposed to get a side-quest that would give our PCs the chance to learn more about him and his history. In this case, I don’t think the cut was made just because of time-pressure, or because the Obsidian devs are cruel cruel people – I think it didn’t make it in because it was a bit rubbish. Not irrecoverable, but it needed a lot of work doing to it.

The characters

Casavir – gloomy paladin

Lord Pierval – a high-status, wealthy Neverwinter Lord who’s old enough to have an adult son.

Harcus – Pierval’s son, very dead.

Mordren – pretends to be Casavir’s friend. He isn’t. The name is a clue. Good characters with ‘Mor’ at the start of their name are quite a rare species.

Ophala – this is (due to Moonstone Mask references in the dialogue) meant to be the Ophala Cheldarstorn that runs Neverwinter’s premier tavern-with-bordello-like-attributes. Level sixteen mage in FE lore, retired adventurer, may have had a colourful history involving the Luskan Kurth. One oddity: Ophala doesn't have her own appearance. Instead, the toolset shows her to be borrowing the appearance of one "NPC_Sarya". Quite why this is beats me. I can't find any dialogue about or involving Sarya in dialog.tlk (1)

.................................................................................

So, before Casavir’s excursion to Old Owl Well, he was involved in a passionate  (apparently chaste) relationship with Ophala but: “…I made vows, and she was promised to another. It is not the way of things. It is not the way of Neverwinter to do such things.”

The "other" that Ophala was promised to is Lord Pierval.

Mordren acts as go-between, carrying letters between the couple who don’t appear to have consummated their relationship, but are obviously falling in love. Unbeknownst to them (this is the kind of story where you should use the word ‘unbeknownst’), Mordren himself is in love with Ophala:

If only you'd seen her, Pierval, falling in love day by day to a fool who gave up everything for ‘paladinhood’. To read those letters, those foul letters to him, when she would not dare entertain my affections, a man of status, of power, who could have been hers.

He arranges for Pierval and Harcus to see some incriminating pieces of the letters. Mordren may also have told Harcus that Casavir ‘forced himself’ on Ophala.  Harcus flies of the handle – he finds Casavir, and tries to kill him to defend his father’s honour, and instead is killed himself. Possibly by Casavir, possibly in some sort of accident. At this point, it seems that Ophala rejects Casavir – at any rate, their not-a-relationship ends, and Casavir heads off to Old Owl Well to attempt suicide-by-orc.

When the orcs lay dead, I could still hear her words to me. (Frustrated) It was unbearable. I could not shut her out…I... thought to do good. And I thought that my execution should be done in service to others.

Once the PC and Casavir are back in Neverwinter, the plot kicks off when Casavir meets Ophala in the Moonstone Mask. (I can’t find the dialogue for it, but there are references to the meeting in the surviving text). Ophala, presumably still trusting Mordren, tells him that she’s seen her old flame in the city again.

Cue cutscene. Mordren shows up, pretending to be Casavir’s friend, actually there to discover his intentions.

.................................................................................

Mordren: (Slight disapproval) Have your vows robbed you of your sense? You endanger not only your life... but Ophala as well. Do you care so little for her that you would see Lord Pierval's rage fall upon you both?

Casavir: I intend to answer for it. Ophala committed no crime, and I am the only one who shall suffer. I will go to Lord Pierval, tell him the truth, and let punishment fall upon me as it should have. I will have no more blood shed for me this day.

Mordren: (Sighs, secretly realizing he needs to kill Casavir, shaking his head) Casavir... you were always the stubborn one.  (Thinking, try not to make this sound like he's setting him up) The gates to Blacklake are closed, Lord Pierval cannot meet with you yet. Let me see what I can do to smooth things with him before you meet. I will try to convince him again what happened was an accident - until then, keep your head down and say nothing of your return to anyone else.

.................................................................................

The shit hits the fan probably sometime in Act 2, after the trial. Lord Pierval abducts Ophala from the Moonstone Mask to “keep her out of the way of your...intentions. If you intend to force yourself upon her again, false paladin, then you will speak to my blade.” Mordren has probably put Pierval up to it, and fetches Casavir, hoping for a bloodbath.

Unbeknowst to Mordren (yay!), our heroes have acquired some letters from Mordren – letters from Casavir to Ophala and Pierval – which provide evidence of Mordren’s duplicity.  When I say our heroes, the hero I mean is Neeshka, who after encountering Mordren for the first time responds so:

Neeshka: (Checking out Mordren, appraising him for theft) Who's the mark? Smells of nobility. 

Casavir: A friend who has already risked much for my sake.

Neeshka: (More to herself, smiling) Looks like he has more to lose - if his purse is any indication. Might be worthwhile to pay his home a visit.

So grand larceny carries the day. Take that, knightly ethics.

Mordren realises his double-dealing has been exposed, and attacks. In the end, good PCs end up with Mordren dead having picked on the wrong set of people – the PC has killed about a million orcs – Ophala entering into a loveless marriage with Lord Pierval, motivation unknown, and Casavir walking away with the PC, not looking back.

Now, this was quite a complex plot to get rid of. But I’m so glad they did —the last thing Casavir’s character needed was a melodramatic failed romance in high society. There are just so many better reasons for giving up on life and running away to the mountains. It also sits oddly with Casavir’s age: he’s meant to be well into his thirties, yet the story of him falling into the classic paladin (but my vows!! I cannot!!!) impossible relationship, then panicking after he killed a man in self-defence and fleeing, sounds much more suited to a much younger man.

 Speaking as a person well into her thirties, I can conclusively say that being over thirty-five doesn’t endow you with an infallible anti-stupidity spell. But Casavir presumably made it through the Luskan War. Even if his paladinhood was recent, he hadn’t made to his thirties without some experience of dealing with the grimmer parts of life.

Other people have said that they object to the inclusion of Ophala in the cut quest because she’s kind of old and runs a brothel, and Casavir would never <…> etc. My objection is the opposite. I object to her exclusion. Who is this meek kidnap victim ready to enter an arranged marriage with someone she doesn’t love, while sending love letters through a deeply untrustworthy go-between to a paladin who – according to Mordren – wasn’t very forward about his own feelings? She’s meant to be a businesswoman and a high-level mage FFS. She runs a famous festhall, and has done for decades. I’m happy to admit that Ophala and Casavir are an unlikely pairing, but at least using the ‘real’ Ophala could have made it an interesting one.

Instead we get hammy stage dialogue and a plot of inexplicably strained star-crossed love. (Seriously, Not-Ophala, if you don't want to marry this Pierval guy, just don't). The redeeming element was Neeshka being awesome and not at all paladin-like. I wonder if a conversation was ever planned between her and Casavir post-showdown about the ethics of stealing. That would have almost justified the melodrama.

.................................................................................

(1) The NWN2 writers seem a bit unclear about Ophala in general. The book The Northern Four Adventuring Troupe describes her as part of a successful band of adventurers that included Nasher and Kurth. However, in the game while she's presented as an able businesswoman, her power is downplayed - she doesn't show signs of springing into action when Ammon and his demons show up in Act 2, which is a bit surprising considering her history and magical ability.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

My friend is a big fan of you as well and asked me to request this:

A Janus fic based on the song Monster by Dev https://youtu.be/5iA_oFDNt9E

I think the song could fit him quite well, maybe with the others being like “out of all of us, h i m???”

-🦑

Songfic?? With Janus angst?? My time has come *ascends*

CW: Unsympathetic Light Sides (they're not assholes but they're basically unsupportive, concerned for Reader, and hateful/distrustful of Janus)

...........

Call the doctor, call the doctor Must be something wrong with me He's a monster, why do I want ya Please tell me, please tell me

"What?!! [Y/n] this..this cannot possibly be true!"

"Roman-"

"You could've had any one of the fine gentlemen here...but more importantly me.."

"Roman, just calm-"

"And yet you chose him?! That wretched slimy snake?!" The princely Side pointed rudely at Janus, who was just sitting on the couch beside you. He frowned as he fiddled with the chain of his capelet, finding more interest in that than the uncomfortable conversation currently taking place.

This wasn't even the direction you nor him expected it to take. It was already going south..straight towards hell.

All because Remus couldn't keep his mouth shut and blurted out the revelation that you and Janus were dating.

Ironically, he was the one who confessed to you first--something that you're certain no Side would ever believe.

"There's got to be something wrong with your head." Roman shook his head in dismay, before approaching you. "Come now. We'll find you a true Prince Charming! One that's not a vile fibber like-"

Suddenly you sprang up, moving away from him. "You don't get to choose who I fall in love with. Remus.." You glared at the dark half of creativity. "I'm gonna kick your ass if you don't leave right now."

"Do ya promise~?" He giggled, refusing to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation. "You know I'm into that."

"Let it go, [y/n]." Janus tried to assure you. "They're both bumbling fools."

"A fool?!" Roman gasped. "The only fool here is YOU!! Trying to tempt them with your false promises of love and affection! What do you know about romance?!"

"Apparently more than you." You interrupted, standing by your lover in a defensive manner. "I know this isn't exactly how I planned to tell you but god just calm down for a minute."

You definitely didn't anticipate this kind of freakout from him. You thought he'd be asking about the how's and when's of falling in love, as one would expect from the "romantic expert" of the Sides.

You had a plan to tell all of them individually, but..starting with the guy who was deceived most and openly mocked his name probably wasn't a good idea.

Eventually the two halves of creativity left you both alone. And only then did you sit back down next to the now-dejected Janus, holding his hand. "Sorry you had to hear all that."

"Oh don't worry, it'sss new to me." He muttered, squeezing your hand in turn. "I'm sure Roman will have a tough time realizing he's definitely the most handsome one around here." The smirk he gave made you chuckle.

"Yeah, well..he'll get over it. We got off on the wrong foot with him, but I'm sure the others will be more accepting."

He's a monster He's a monster That boy, he's a motherfucking monster But I love him, yeah I love him Ooh ah, ooh ah ah

"Seriously? That guy?"

"Just hear me out, Virgil-"

"Oh I've heard plenty. I'm just warning you that it's a bad idea." Virgil huffed as he put his phone down. "He's a monster who's gonna use you for some selfish gain. You've seen it. He only cares about himself and hurts people to keep it that way."

"I know you've known him longest but...I'm pretty sure at this point he's moved past all of that." You pointed out. "Honestly, the only one being hurt here is him. First Roman, and now you?"

Despite your arguments, he just didn't seem convinced. "I'm not doing this to give you anxiety...I can only do that to Thomas. And I'm not gonna say "breakup with him right now". I'm just telling you that he's not what he seems."

"I appreciate your worries, but I love him and that's that." You insisted, crossing your arms over your chest as you stood defiant. Obviously it was in his nature to tell you to stay cautious, and he'd probably say the same if you were dating anyone else.

But calling Janus a monster seemed awfully harsh. You haven't even heard him call Remus that, which was odd.

'Seriously why is he being such a prick?'

"..whatever you say." Virgil shrugged before sinking out, leaving you alone by the staircase.

"I wouldn't worry. His opinion of me has never changed."

You realized Janus was eavesdropping and turned to face him, sighing. "Jan, are you doing something that's making them be so... brutally honest? This just seems unusual for them."

"Not that I'm aware of." He had briefly removed his glove, indicating he was tell you the truth.

"Hm..then again, Roman and Virgil are sorta the least-rational ones. One's jealous that he doesn't have a date and the other overthinks a lot."

"Wonderful observations, my dear."

"Patton and Logan are more down-to-earth and clear-headed so they might have more understanding."

"I'm sure they will." Janus' tone didn't match the optimistic words he uttered as he slipped the glove back on. "Oh and..I'll try not eavesdrop anymore."

Little did you know, that would be two lies.

Most people are scared When they look him in the eyes, all they see is fear (but) Let me make this clear I want him near

"How can you look into his eyes and..and.."

"Go on."

"And not be scared?! I know I would be, kiddo."

"...Patton, is that seriously your only argument? That he looks creepy?"

"No, no! I just..." For a moment the fatherly Side paused, before he sighed and patted your shoulder. "Listen, I do think you're being a good influence on that wriggly snake but...I only worry he's being a bad influence on you. Every time he's near you I-"

"It sounds like your only argument is "he's a creepy crawly snake so I shouldn't trust or love him". Is that all?"

"It's...a bit more complicated than-"

"It's a yes or no, Pat."

"...I'm trying to look at the bigger picture and, sure there's some good in him but..I worry he's gonna hurt you in the end, that's all. Like he hurt us several times by impersonating us." He tried to reason, but you just brushed his hand off your shoulder in disbelief.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd be one to judge books by their covers." You frowned slightly. "Well let me make this clear: I want him near me. I feel safe around him. I love him, outward appearances and all. So if you can't accept the way I see him then...we're done here."

With no more defenses, Patton sank out as you left the room. But in the hallway you spotted a familiar capelet vanish around the corner, and you found Janus, who manifested a brown eye contact over his snake eye. His scales almost vanished under his skin, but you called out to him before they could disappear entirely.

"Janus? I thought you weren't going to-"

"I..n-never expected Patton of all people to say that.." He held the side of his face shakily, keeping his head lowered so you didn't see the gradually forming tears. Only now he was starting to feel the impact of everyone's words. "If..it's my looks then...I can surely make adjusssstments.."

"No, sweetheart. You don't have to change your looks or be anyone else for me." You cupped a hand over the one that still covered the scales. "C'mon. You can't seriously believe Patton's dumb reasoning, right?"

"........."

All you got was a silent nod.

Most people can't sleep Feeling he's out, on the streets (but) He is my creep He is my creep

"While I see your relationship to Janus is beneficial-"

"Actually, nevermind. You're just gonna tell me the same shit everyone else did."

"...now [y/n], remember what we've discussed on cognitive distortions-"

"Jumping to conclusions? Overgeneralizing? I know. But I have valid reasons for those. You all think Janus is gonna hurt me because he's some "freaky selfish snake". But he's not, alright? He's been more truthful with me lately and I'm sick of the others not believing anything we say. So please, Logan..can you take my side for once?"

Logan was surprised by your outburst. He didn't even know you've talked to the others about Janus and assumed he'd respond in a similar fashion.

But he adjusted his glasses and looked at his notebook, all traces of emotion vanishing. "Logic can't take sides. If you would just listen..I've observed that your interactions with him have been generally positive, and that's helped Thomas-"

"There you go again..why does everything always gotta lead back to Thomas? Can't you just recognize Janus as his own person without assuming I'm only dating him to help-?"

"Because he can't be distracted from his core function!!"

You jumped a bit as he slammed down the notebook, scowling at you with a slight orange tinge behind his glasses. Though it was quick to disappear as he sighed. "He can never be his own person. You two will never have a truly normal relationship. I only advise that you keep that in the back of your mind."

And just like that, he left.

Every discussion you've had with a "Light" Side only left the bitter taste of frustration in your mouth...

Now what should you-?

You were startled again as you heard a nearby door slam shut, before realizing who overheard this conversation.

"Shit."

Is he human, does it matter I know he's what I'm after I can reel him, from disaster I know

"So..th-that's how they all see me, huh? A monster..n-not even a person."

"Jan.." Joining your boyfriend on the king-sized mattress, decorated in black and gold much like himself, you could finally see those walls he built up now crumbling to pieces.

One way or another, he heard what every Side had to say about him. And it was more than enough for him to realize they not only shun him for simply existing..

But they refuse to accept the idea that he's worthy of love, too. He can take the name-calling and insults in the videos, but this is what truly broke him.

He just scratched at his scales, his human eye already red and raw from crying as he wondered why you went through all of this just for him.

Any sane person would listen to the others and just breakup with him. He wasn't worth the effort.

You clearly deserved better.

You deserved someone who's more handsome, chill, kindhearted, or sensible-

"I know you can't truly be human but..does it matter?"

"...does it?" He sniffled, leaning into your touch more as you ran a hand through his hair. "Because apparently not. I know I'm not a perfect, flawless individual..I-I don't expect any of us to be. But if only I-I never-"

"Jan..you can't focus on what you can't change. I know you feel guilty, and if the others can't see that...it's their own fault. I won't stop fighting for us and for your happiness. I love you, okay?" Turning to him fully, you cupped both sides of his face and looked into his eyes.

"And in case you think I'm lying, I'll say it again: I. Love. You. None of their words will change that."

Hearing you become so determined to love him despite all odds made him sob again, this time from relief, as you put your arms around him.

Nobody's ever taken his side on anything...and certainly never defended him the way you did.

You felt several extra arms manifest to hug you back, and you smiled, closing your eyes.

Maybe in time the others will understand. But while it's true he looked like a monster and had his deceitful ways..

You knew what you were after.

And so did he.

Call the doctor, call the doctor Must be something wrong with me He's a monster, why do I want ya Please tell me, please tell me