#though i did make that one at like 3am so i gotta give myself some grace for that

[michibap]

post nap w/ ted

not even going to defend myself, peace and love

TW: fem reader, dacryphilia if u squint

nsfw below the cut

-ted dragging you out of bed at the asscrack of dawn so you guys could hit this farmer’s market he’s been hearing about

-blowing a stupid amount of money on artisanal coffee, freshly baked pastries and this fancy oatmeal goats milk soap?? idk

-along with some fancy farm fresh veggies and a nice cut of meat that the two of you agree to cook together for dinner 😋

-and you held out strong for most of the afternoon, you really did

-but by the time 2pm rolled around, you were fighting for your LIFE

-so obvi you convince him to join you for a girlnap

-shucking your pants and eagerly crawling under the cool comforter

-lifting ted’s side and looking at where he stands fiddling with his phone expectantly when he doesn’t immediately join you

“One sec, ‘m setting a timer.”

-he rolls his eyes when you groan, setting his phone on the nightstand before crawling in after you

“Whine all you want, you’ll be thanking me when you’re not waking up at 3am because you fucked up your circadian rhythm again.”

“Yeah whatever, nerd.”

-letting out a content hum as he drags you towards his chest, heavy arm settling over your waist

-warm palm slipping under your shirt to rest on your stomach, thumb absentmindedly stroking over soft skin

-he takes a little longer to slip off into sleep than you do, but once your breathing evens out, the slow rise and fall of your chest and soft puffs of breath rhythmically brushing over the arm he has tucked under your head lulled him to sleep

-he’s jolted awake by his alarm what feels like three minutes later, grumbling and removing himself from you so he could turn off the obnoxious sound he had chosen

-once the offensive sound is silenced, he leans over and runs a gentle hand over your hair in an attempt to wake you up, laughing when you grumble and swat him away

“C’mon, gotta get up.” he mumbled, cupping your shoulder and gently shaking you

“Nooooooo,”

“Baby.”

“Please don’t make me.” you whine, turning to hide your face in his chest, clinging to the front of his shirt

-he huffs and rolls his eyes, despite the fond smile spreading across his lips

“Fine. Five more minutes, and I mean it.”

-you relax again, content to rest against him

-until you hear the GRATING sound of him scrolling through instagram reels at an obnoxious volume

-lifting your head and blearily glaring up at him when he watches another video about how to get the perfect crust on a steak

-he only grins at you and presses a chaste kiss to your forehead before continuing his scrolling

-you huff and squish your cheek to his chest, looking up at him as he focuses on the little screen, watching the videos through the reflection of his glasses

-he glances down at you for a moment, lips spreading into a coy grin as he looks back at his phone

“You got a problem?”

-you only hum, shifting to bring a hand up to paw at the side of his face and pull him in to plant a kiss on his plush lips

-he hums back, smiling into it for a moment before pulling away, gently grabbing your wrist to pull your hand away from his face

“Three minutes.” he sings

-you frown and bring your hand back up to cup the side of his face, and he gives you an exasperated look

“What do you want?”

-he laughs when he feels you pulling him back in for another kiss, though it trails off into a surprised noise when he feels you nip at his lower lip when he tries to pull away again, hand sinking back to knot your fingers into his hair

-despite his confusion, it doesn’t take him long to drag you on top of him, eagerly sitting up to meet you in another kiss, hands placed firmly on your hips to keep you close

-he sighs into your mouth when you grind down into his lap, grip going tight enough to bruise when you take the chance to slip your tongue into his mouth

-you make a pleased noise and bring your arms to wrap around his neck, drawing him impossibly closer as you keep your lips slotted to his own

-a surprised yelp is drawn from his throat when you use your hold on him and draw the both of you down, using the momentum to pull him on top of you and locking your legs around his waist

-he looks down at you, bewildered

-you only give him a coy smile of your own, a little breathless as you shuffle to get more comfortable underneath him

-you make to drag him back down for another kiss, frowning when he remains hovering over you, leveling you with a suspicious glare

“What?” you laugh, though it awkwardly dies when he only narrows his eyes

“You’re trying to trick me into staying in bed.”

-he watches a guilty smile spread across your lips,

“‘s it working?”

-he tries to glare, but he can’t stop a grin from spreading across his lips,

“I could use a little more convincing…”

-it’s your turn to sigh when he descends for another kiss, forcing your lips open with his own and licking into your mouth

-pitching up into a whiney moan when you feel him grind against you, hardness dragging mouthwateringly against your clothed mound

-tilting your head as he moves to trail wet, open mouthed kisses down the column of your throat, free hand coming to paw at your chest over your shirt

-gasping when his hips meet your own in another hard grind

-he groans and pulls away to sit up, struggling to catch his breath as he looks down at you

“So fuckin’ pretty for me,” he panted out, slipping one hand under your shirt and slowly dragging it up, warm palm leaving goosebumps in its wake

-he lets out a please sigh once your shirt is bunched under your chin, bare chest on full display , nipples pebbling after being exposed to the cold air

-you can’t do much more than whine as he meanly pinches at one of your nipples, chuckling to himself when you arch into his touch

“This what you wanted, sweetheart?” he crooned, condescending and sweet

-his brows shot up when you shook your head with a small frown, reaching to paw at the hem of his sweats

“Wearin’ too much.” you mumbled, looking imploringly up at him through your lashes

“Oh, am I?” he teases, lips curling into an entertained grin

-you scowl with a blush,

“Yeah, ‘s what I said, jackass.”

-your eyes go wide when your mouth is forcibly snapped shut by a large hand shooting up to grab your jaw, forcing your lips into a pout

“Watch it.” he warns lowly

-despite his stern tone, he still moves to push his sweats down his hips

-both of you laughing a little as he awkwardly shuffles to pull them off without getting off of the bed

-when he turns back to you, he sees you moving to pull your shirt over your head and darts out to stop you with a short “Aht!” and tugging it back down

-you give him a bewildered look when your head pops through the neckline,

“Keep it,” it’s more an instruction than a request

-you shudder as he runs a warm palm over your torso, flesh prickling in his wake

“Fuck, you look good.” he says more to himself than you, eyes intently roving over your form

-you move to sit up on your elbows, curiously looking down to see what he was talking about

-taking in your decrepit, stained garfield shirt bunched up over your tits and granny panties with an embarrassing damp spot forming over your center

“You serious?” you asked with a little laugh

-he only hums, hands moving back to your hips to drag you flush to him before hunching over to lave his tongue over the soft flesh of one of ur tits

-you sigh as he latches his lips around a nipple, carding a hand through his hair

-arching with the combined sensations of his warm, wet mouth and his hot, significantly more prominent erection rutting against the thin fabric of your panties

-ted pulls off of you for a moment, only to plant another trail of kisses up to the sensitive spot just below your jaw

-grinning at the sound of your moan right next to his ear, dragging his hips against yours again

“Y’ think you could cum like this?” he asks, voice lilting, giving you a sharp nip when you were too spacey to answer

“Please just fuck me,” you plead, growing needier the longer he rubs himself against you, sensitive with what little stimulation you were getting

“I am fucking you, baby.” he crooned, grinning when you yelp at a particularly good thrust and shifting to hit the angle a bit better

“Please, Ted, I- fuck-“ you’re cut off by your own whimper, whining dizzily when you feel a strong hand come back to your jaw and shake you a bit, bringing your attention back to the man looming over you

“Answer the question.”

-you sniffle, looking up at him with pleading, watery eyes

“I dunno.”

“You don’t know?” he parrots mockingly, lips curling into a wolfish grin when you let out a sobbing moan and buck your hips when he brushes a thumb over the growing damp spot on your panties

“I think you could,” he breathed “Probably pretty close already, aren’tcha, sweetheart?”

-you don’t have it in you articulate anything more advanced than some incomprehensible string of something vaguely similar to english, reaching to clutch at broad shoulders, nails digging into the soft fabric of his tshirt

-he leans down to give you another kiss, giving an appreciative hum as you moan into his mouth

-before reaching down to cup a hand under one of your knees and pushing it up and out of the way, foot uselessly dangling over his shoulder

-both of you moan when he slots his hips back to yours, new angle allowing him to drag his clothed head over the thin, damp fabric covering your clenching entrance, up to your pulsing clit and back down again

-you can’t do much more than hold on for dear life as he essentially fucks you over your clothes, pleading for him to actually fuck you between sloppy kisses and strings of moans

-your begging fell on deaf ears, not getting much more than a gritted “You’ll take what you fucking get”

-you’re shoved tumbling towards the edge first, thrashing a bit in ted’s grip

-you’re promptly pinned down by strong hands, keeping you still for him to rut against, unable to do much more than ride through it as you experience one of the most conflicting orgasms of your life

-caught between being far too sensitive and raw from the constant rubbing of damp material, and far too under-stimulated after not being properly touched

-either way, all you can do is tremble as he ruthlessly “fucks” you through it, meanly dragging himself over your sensitive, twitching sex

-he finishes with a guttural groan, quickly muffled by him sinking his teeth into the skin of your collarbone

-a puff of breath is forced from your chest when he collapses on top of you, pressing his face to the crook of your neck as he worms his arms under you to crush you closer

-you allow him to cling for a moment before uncomfortably shifting, sticky underwear becoming less arousing more icky

“Alright, git. I wanna shower.” you mumble, patting his back

-you roll your eyes when he groans, deflating further into you

“Don’t wanna.” he mumbled petulantly

“Dude, you just splooged your fuckin’ pants. Get up and take a shower with me.”

-he lifts his head to glare at you, cheeks still flushed, hair all over the place after having ran your hands through it

“You splooged your pants.”

“I am painfully aware.”

-he laughed a little, resting his forehead on your collarbone as his shoulders shook before bringing it back up and giving the outside of your thigh a pat

“Alright, let’s go.” he secedes, crawling backwards off of the bed, dragging you by your ankle once he’s stood at the end

“Maybe you can splooge somewhere other than your pants in there,” you simper, laughing when he gives your cheek a rough pinch,

“Watch it.”

[prince-rowan-of-the-forest]

The Official Sanders Sides Emergancy Sleepover

Patton decides that with the recent tensions in the mindscape after their last video, the best course of action would be to host a sleepover.

Somehow, it didn't end in a complete disaster, despite the two gatecrashers, Roman's inability to cook, Logan's complete cluelessness and Virgil's incredibly long list of doubts.

----

| Ao3 | The art in this fic posted separately |

warnings: Remus typical level of weirdness, Sexual innuendos, Some slightly gory imagery

pairings: Roceit, background Anaroceit, everyone is friends <3

Word Count: 6777

Notes:

I wrote the last 1500 words of this while I was half asleep at 3am, I can't be blamed for anything that happens.

Remy broke down the door and forced themself into the story, also I'll be using they/them pronouns for Remy, why? I have absolutely no idea, it just kinda felt like what I was supposed to do. I literally don't know.

There's some art some ways into this fic, I can't even be bothered to work out exactly how far in, but all you gotta know is that credit for the picrew in the art goes to @korruptbrekker on Tumblr, I did not make that myself because I am big dumb and big stupid, so thank you so much, my heart was dead set on having a picrew in the art, so you saved me, lol.

Also, another note, I know this was originally from like- August- that's just how long I take to write stuff, sue me.

“Emergency Sanders Sides sleepover in the commons! Now!” Patton practically screeched, stomping his foot to put even more emphasis on the ‘now’ part. Virgil, who had been happily curled up under the blanket playing some cute game on his nintendo switch on their armchair jumped so much he fell right off of the chair.

“Jesus Christ Patton!” Virgil huffed, standing up and trying to untangle himself from the blanket, “What the hell was that for?”

“We’re having a sleepover,” Patton said way too cheerfully, “Tensions have been really high recently-”

“And who’s fault is that?” Virgil muttered.

“Yes yes I know, I’m sorry Virgil, And you know I’ve been trying to do better, and since Janus-”

Virgil grimaced and Patton winced, he knew Virgil wasn’t too happy with Janus’ recent acceptance.

“Since Janus might be coming to join us up here soon, I figured we ought to do a group bonding activity!” Patton said, ending with a smile that was way too forced for Patton to really be fully confident in the idea.

“And you think a… sleepover will help?” Virgil asked, raising an eyebrow, “...sorry for seeming doubtful but- how? Don’t we live together anyway? And besides couldn’t all of us sleeping in close quarters make the tension situation worse? What with my uh- tenuous relationship with sleep, Roman’s sleepwalking and Deceit- uh- Janus’ himselfness, don’t you think it could just serve to make it all worse?”

“Now kiddo, I know it’s your job to look at the possibilities,” Patton tried to reason, Virgil scowled, “But just consider that it could also help make things better! We’ll be bonding, we can spend some time with Janus that isn’t just- spent arguing, and it’ll make things better kiddo,”

“But what if it doesn’t ?” Virgil protested, he knew he was being irrational at this point, but- “They’re dangerous, Patton, I keep trying to tell you- I was one of them- Patton- if this all goes wrong I-”

“Calm down Scaramore,” Roman said, appearing from the stairs, seconds later a hand was placed on his shoulder, Virgil jerked away, before feeling guilty about it, he took a deep breath, “I’m… kinda with Virgil on this one though, padre, are you sure it’s a good idea? Also- text the group chat next time, instead of just yelling,”

“Guys please! I’ve thought this out, ok? We’re going to bake cookies and make a pillow fort together here and watch movies all night. It'll be fun, just give it a chance, ok?” 

“ Fine .” Virgil said, crossing his arms, “But if this goes wrong, don’t say I didn’t warn you,”

“I’m gonna send out a ping on the chat to meet in the common room,” Roman said with a sigh, “I’ll… try to be civil with Janus.”

“I’ve… been meaning to speak to you about that,” Patton said softly, “Just- if you get a chance, kiddo, maybe you can apologise for laughing at him?”

“Yeah I- I’ve had a lot of time to think about it,” Roman huffed, “I’ll try and find a good moment,”

“Thanks, kiddo,”

“I, for one, think a sleepover might be a beneficial idea,” Logan said as he walked down the stairs, Patton seemed to droop in relief.

“Thanks Logan,” Patton sighed, thankful for the support of the smartest side there, at least.

“Yes, from the small amount of research I had the chance to do upon hearing your call, sleepovers are a very good way to strengthen social bonds, and are very often portrayed in media as a fun way to improve relations between peers, it will also be a good exercise to get us all used to having Janus around in a domestic setting rather than simply in the videos,”

“Nerd,” Virgil huffed, pressing the blanket to his face, “Fine, I guess I don’t have the option to back out of this?” 

“Absolutely not!” Patton said, tone way too cheery.

“I don’t apologise for taking so long,” Janus’ voice sounded from the entrance of the dark sides’ mindscape, he began to… limp? Towards them, “I came upon a few issues when attempting to leave,”

“Uh- you’ve got a little something on your leg there, kiddo…?” Patton said, Virgil noticed that Remus was clinging to Janus’ leg with what looked like a vice grip, the deceitful side seemed disgruntled at best.

“Yes, fortunately he refused to let go after he saw the message on my phone, So I didn’t struggle at all to climb the stairs,”

“Remus!” Roman cried out, “What are you doing here!”

“Awe come on Ro! You weren’t planning to leave me out of your sleepover, were you?” 

“You weren’t invited,” Virgil hissed at him and Remus slumped off of Janus’ leg (he quickly stepped away, inspecting his leg to make sure Remus hadn’t gotten any of his gunk on his trousers) putting a hand to his heart with a massively exaggerated look of offence.

“Virgil! I can’t believe you would say such a thing! Of course I’m invited, Daddy-o said it was a sides sleepover after all, and I’m a side!” 

Patton grimaced, before taking a deep breath and plastering that smile back on his face, “N-now kiddos, um- since Remus is here, we should try to be welcoming, ok? What’s one extra addition, huh?”

Virgil ground his teeth, but didn’t say anything.

“So… what exactly are we doing?” Janus asked, raising an eyebrow.

“We’re having a sleepover!” Patton grinned, before explaining everything he’d already explained to Virgil to Janus too, who nodded slowly.

“Alright, so a sleepover, what exactly do we do first, then?” Janus asked.

“I propose we all submit an activity and then we may all vote on what we do first?” Logan proposed, “And then continue to go from there,”

“Truth or dare!” Remus yelled, while at the same time Roman yelled “Makeovers!” 

Both twins turned to glare at each other. Logan flipped over a large portable whiteboard and wrote ‘sleepover ideas’ along the top in big capital letters, before writing both ideas underneath it.

“Baking!” Patton smiled, “So we can have sweets to eat!”

Logan nodded and added the idea, looking between Virgil and Janus to see if either of them would pipe up, neither did.

“I propose we hold a friendly debate,” Logan said, writing down his own ideas. To be honest, he wasn’t sure if that was a normal sleepover activity (it wasn’t) but he hadn’t had enough time to research what people did at sleepovers. He wrote it back on the board and turned to the others, “Janus, Virgil? Anything to add?”

“Shouldn’t the first thing we do be getting the room sleepover ready or whatever? LIke- setting up pillows and blankets and shit so it’s all comfortable before we get into the stupid games?”

“I wasn't going to say card games,” Janus said, “But I actually disagree with Virgil.”

“Yeah same here actually, that’s a real good idea, kiddo,” Patton nodded.

“That does seem like a logical first activity,” Logan nodded, before writing Janus’ card game suggestion down on the board, “Perhaps, if everyone else is in agreement, we should ready the room first, and then decide between these activities?”

“Sounds good to me!” Roman smiled, Remus jumped up.

“Can I-”

“No,” Virgil said, “Whatever you’re about to suggest, no,”

“But I was just gonna-”

“No,”

“Virgil,” Patton chided gently, “Let’s hear him out, ok kiddo?”

Virgil slumped in his chair, arms crossed, he pulled his hood up. 

“I was just gonna ask if I could put up those awesome halloween fairy lights we have downstairs,” Remus said with a pout.

“That actually sounds like a great idea!” Patton said, trying to hide his worry about the fact that it was Remus’ idea, Virgil sunk further into the hoodie as Remus cheered and ran for the door, only to be caught by the scruff of his costume by Janus.

“Remember to get the ones in the living room, not the other ones, you don’t know exactly what I’m talking about,” Janus told him, before letting him go.

—-

Virgil- begrudgingly- contributed a couple of blankets and pillows to the area downstairs and Roman and Logan shifted the furniture around so there was a large clear space in front of the TV (with the coffee table shoved in front of it to house snacks and such) where they planned to sleep. The sofas and chairs that usually made up their living room set up surrounded the clear floor space and the dining room table had moved so that it was pushed up against the back of one of the sofas. Fairy lights with the bulbs shaped like various cartoon halloween monsters hung around the space and Roman had draped thin coloured sheets over the usually bright lamps. It was still daytime right now, so the room was bathed in natural light, but once the sun set they had ensured that the whole area would be bathed in a lovely colourful glow. 

Once they were done, Virgil opted to grab his weighted blanket- which he’d brought from his room knowing he’d need it, and curl up on the armchair he’d been sitting on before just as Logan once again returned to the whiteboard.

“Alright, everyone cast your votes, don’t vote for your own,” Logan said, placing his vote next to Janus’ card games suggestion (It was the only one he either understood the premise of or found appealing) before handing the pen to the closest side (Who happened to be Remus) and moving away to sit on one of the chairs. Remus added a vote to Roman’s suggestion before throwing it at his twin, who somehow caught the fast moving projectile before it hit him in the forehead.

“Hey Roman, add my vote for Truth or Dare,” Patton called from the kitchen, he was getting stuff out to bake, “I’ll bake while we play!”

Roman nodded and added two votes for Remus’ suggestion, before handing off the pen to Janus, who quickly drew a line next to Patton’s suggestion.

“Virgil, would you like me to add a tally for you?” Janus asked, voice sweet and Virgil was almost slammed back into the past, back when they were friends, instead he yanked himself forcefully back to the present, he grunted.

“Just- truth or dare,” He huffed. He didn’t really want to do any of their suggestions, and he hated that Remus’ was the best of the bunch, “As long as we make rules and follow them,”

“Of course, kiddo!” Patton nodded, “Um, So, dares can be refused if it makes the dare-ee uncomfortable,”

“Boooring,” Remus whined, rolling over, “There's no fun if people don’t do any of the dares!”

“Alright, only refusing dares if you really really can’t do it,” Patton compromised, Remus still looked upset, “And- maybe we could set up a penalty for refusing dares?”

“Like being hit over the head with my morningstar!” Remus yelled.

“No-”

“OR having to eat a rat-”

“Remus-”

“Or losing a finger!”

“Remus!” Patton yelled, “None of those- I was… thinking something more like… we could make a really gross combination of drinkable liquids? So if someone refuses a dare they have to drink some?”

Virgil could’ve sworn he saw anime stars in Remus’ eyes.

“That sounds perfect! Can I help you make it?” Remus asked with a big grin that almost brought tears to Virgil’s eyes.

“Sure!” Patton smiled, Remus practically bolted over to the kitchen.

“See Pattycake, I think you’ve got a ruthless side to you yet!” Remus grinned, pushing up his sleeves. Patton just chuckled nervously as he opened the fridge, quietly talking to Remus as they created some horrible concoction.

“Any more rules we should take note of?” Logan asked.

“No dares that’ll result in injury,” Virgil piped up, “And no destroying things that can’t be replaced,”

“A person is allowed to refuse a truth with the same penalty as a dare,” Janus said quietly. Logan quickly sectioned off some of the whiteboard and wrote down these four rules.

“If that is all, who shall begin the game?” Logan asked.

“I’ll start!” Remus cried from the kitchen, “Patton you keep mixing that over there I’ll be riiiight back! JanJan, truth or dare!”

“Dare,” Janus said without hesitation, Virgil shrugged, he was Deceit after all, anyone expecting him to pick truth was stupid. 

“Hmm,” Remus tapped a finger to his chin, “We’ll start off easy, no wearing your hat for the rest of the evening.”

Janus let out a noise of what could only be mortification as if Remus had just asked him to strip naked. Virgil hid a cackle in his blanket as Janus aimed a middle finger at Remus while taking off his hat and letting it disappear. He shot a glare at Roman, who was gawking at his unruly curly hair. Remus cackled before rushing back to the kitchen.

“Roman truth or dare?” Janus asked with narrowed eyes.

“...Dare?” Roman practically asked, slightly worried for his safety.

“Since Remus started this ‘easy’, genderswap yourself,” Janus said with a smirk, “Clothes also have to change,”

He didn’t anticipate the fact that Roman would actually very much enjoy this dare, he spun around, his regular prince outfit transforming in a show of glitter into a long red skirt, fit with a corset and poofy shoulders, it didn’t hurt that he in a feminine form filled out the outfit quite well. Janus thought for a second that that dare may have harmed himself more than Roman, because apparently Roman was attractive even as a woman. Well, Janus could ignore the bi crisis currently raging in his brain for now, because Roman had moved on to daring Logan.

Janus decided he was going to go and help Patton with his baking in between his turns.

“I dare you to swap clothes with Patton,” Roman told Logan, who groaned, before informing Patton that he was swapping their clothes and clicking his fingers, now burdened with a cat hoodie around his shoulders, he sighed.

“This is so impractical,” Logan sighed mournfully, lifting one of the sleeves hanging around his neck

“This is so stiff!” Patton called, “How do you wear this!”

“It’s practical and sophisticated,” Logan huffed, “Virgil, truth or dare?”

“Dare,”

“You all are so boring ,” Roman groaned, “No truths!”

“You literally picked dare,” Virgil rolled his eyes, as he watched Logan scroll through his phone, reading quickly, “Logan are you looking up dares?”

“I am new to this game, it will take me a while to get used to it,” Logan says by ways of answer, “Let Roman post whatever he wants on your tumblr,”

“What the fuck! No!” Virgil yelled, Roman smiled at him sweetly.

“You want some of this stuff then, my sweet Virgin?” Remus asked, carrying a blender full of awful smelling yellowish sludgy liquid into the room and placing it on the coffee table, Virgil gagged and held out his phone to Roman. Who took it all while snickering at Remus' nickname 

“How long does he have?” Virgil asked sadly.

“Until either he finishes or the game ends,” Logan decided. Virgil groaned, burying his face in the blanket and trying to suffocate himself for a moment, before Logan spoke again, “From my understanding, it’s your turn to ask someone, Virgil,”

“Patton?” Virgil called with his face still buried in the blanket, “Truth or dare?”

“Um,” Patton said, looking over at Virgil, they stared at each other for a moment, “I feel like I’m going to regret this but- dare…?”

“Eat a spoonful of Roman’s extra hot hot sauce,” Virgil said with an evil smirk. Roman audibly gasped.

“Ok kiddo…” Patton said slowly, heading towards the fridge, “Since I might be out of commission for a while afterwards I’ll ask now, Remus, truth or dare?”

“Truth, because you’re all wimps and I wanna get into the juicy stuff!” Remus grinned, making a gesture that made just about everyone uncomfortable.

“Give everyone here a compliment,” Patton said with a sweet smile as he poured a spoonful of the sauce and stuck it in his mouth. Almost immediately he was coughing and fanning his face as his cheeks went red. Janus poured him a glass of milk and patted him awkwardly on the shoulder as he tried to recover.

“Oh my god you are all so boring ,” Remus huffed, “Pattycake, you’re not so bad when you’re not being a goodie-two-shoes, Roman you have big tits as a woman, Dork you look like you could break my spine into three pieces even wearing a cat hoodie and that’s cool,”

“I- what?” Logan asked, confused, Remus took no notice. Roman looked practically violated, covering his chest with an arm. 

“Jan, you’ve got really big tits as a man,”

“I what ?” Janus asked, sounding worryingly calm.

“Look up ‘snitties’ on tumblr,” Remus said waving him off before continuing, “Virgin, you’re really fun to jumpscare because you do this cute little squeak and it’s absolutely precious,”

“How can someone make a wholesome truth into… that,” Logan said, stunned. 

“I’m sure I want to look that up,” Janus said, glancing back at Patton, who was still recovering from the last dare.

“Don’t,” Virgil said, “I’ve had the displeasure of Remus showing me when he found it, you don’t want to see it, also that nickname is not sticking,”

“It’s like a massive tumblr post dedicated to your massive ti-”

“Alright time to move on, who are you asking Remus!” Virgil cut in loudly. 

“Janus truth or dare!” Remus called, Virgil smacked his forehead into the armrest. Unfortunately it was soft.

“I’m not going to like this,” Janus said, “Am I,”

“No-pe!” Remus grinned, “Unless you wanna choose the truth?”

“I would love to, just say the dare already,”

“Read the tumblr post I just sent you out loud to the group,” Remus said with a wide grin as he scrolled through his phone, “Make sure you show off the pictures too,”

“This is going to be horrible, isn’t it,” Logan said quietly.

“Quite,” Roman agreed. Virgil buried himself in the blankets.

It took ten minutes for Janus to read through the entire Snitties post on tumblr, and by the end he was trying to resist the urge to crack his skull open on the wall and Roman was trying not to pass out from the amount of blood rushing to his face- which was flaming red with blush. Remus was cackling like the menace he was.

“Virgil,” Janus said weakly, “Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Virgil said from inside the blanket.

“Sit on Roman’s lap for the rest of the game,” Janus said, waving him off.

“Are you guys actually trying to kill me?” Roman squeaked, “Why me? Why am I the target of this unprovoked assault?”

“Shut up and sit down so I can sit on you Princey,” Virgil huffed, “I like this no more than you do,”

With a lot of effort (in terms of the dress) Roman managed to sit himself comfortably on the floor so that Virgil could sit in his lap, still wrapped in his blanket because he feared that he might just burst into tears and/or have a panic attack without it, Virgil ended up sitting on Roman’s lap. He wouldn’t admit it, but their position was actually rather comfortable.

—-

After about an hour, Virgil found himself in a ‘e-girl gamer kitten’ outfit (Remus’ description, it consisted of cat-ear headphones, short shorts and knee high cat socks with garters and fishnets, at least he still had his blanket to snuggle in) Roman had gained a tiara and earrings too, Deceit was now in an 1800s victorian ball gown and wearing Kyoshi Warrior makeup on the human side of his face, Logan was wearing cat facepaint and had been the first to drink some of Remus and Patton’s goop when he’d been dared to talk about his feelings. Virgil had also had a drink of the mixture when he’d been asked which of the sides he would rather kiss, and Janus and Roman had practically made out when Janus had been dared to answer the same question more physically (by the same person, Patton) and Virgil wasn’t jealous at all. 

Remus had ended up coming out as aromantic after being asked his stance on having a romantic partner, which the group had readily accepted, on a similar note, he had dared Patton to be his queerplatonic partner (Patton had drank some of the goop and told Remus he would think about it).

Remus had also been the main reason about half of the blender of goop was gone- he kept daring people to do things like eating dead rats or dissecting eyeballs and not many of the sides wanted to do those things (Logan had promised to dissect some things with him later, though). Patton had ended up being dared by Virgil to not touch the floor until the game ended, so Janus and Remus had been periodically passing him cushions so he could still get around the kitchen to bake his sweets. 

Logan had taken a photo of Virgil and Roman on Virgil’s phone (Per Roman’s request near the end of the game) and Roman had completed his earlier dare of posting on Virgil’s Tumblr and the fact that the post ended up getting over five hundred notes before the game had even ended was absolutely mortifying. 

Otherwise, Virgil had managed to avoid being emotionally vulnerable and avoid the worst of the dares, so he counted that as a win. Hey, and they were all laughing by the end of it, which was a pretty big win, it almost felt like they were all finally getting along.

Quickly, while everyone was destracted and still calming down from the game, Virgil opened Tumblr to see what atrocity Roman had posted.

"Oh my god," Virgil mumbled at he stared at the picture in front of him.

"Why the fuck does it look like an Instagram post?" Virgil yelled, before opening Instagram, only to see that Roman had posted it there too, "You dick!"

Roman just laughed.

“So!” Logan called everyone to attention, successfully distracting them from the Tumblr mishap, they'd already cleaned up the mess and gotten back into their regular outfits, so now the sleepover could continue, “Now that that ordeal is over and everything is back in order, we can remove that from the board and decide what to do next.”

—-

After truth or dare, Roman had ended up insisting on painting everyone’s nails while they held a Dance Dance Revolution tournament (Remus ended up winning, somehow he and Janus were the best at the game). Despite protesting at first, Virgil was quite happy with his sparkly purple nails, Roman had told him that he knew he’d like it. The only side who’d avoided the nail painting was Janus- you couldn’t paint nails when the person refused to take off gloves, after all. 

“Shall we change into more comfortable attire?” Roman asked during a lull in the atmosphere after they awarded Remus with an interesting looking crown for winning DDR. Patton had once again retreated to the kitchen to prepare some food for dinner and the conversation had died out a little bit. Roman obviously felt awkward around his brother and Virgil didn’t exactly want to talk to Janus or Remus. Logan was busy looking up ideas for more sleepover activities on his phone, so he wasn’t exactly open to conversation at the moment. Virgil was quite happy for Roman breaking the growing uncomfortable silence.

“I agree with this idea, getting into pyjamas or more comfortable attire may make it easier for all of us to relax, seeing as the atmosphere created by the game seems to have… soured, slightly,” Logan agreed, putting his phone away.

“Are we getting into onesies?” Patton asked, popping in from the kitchen.

“I believe we aren’t,” Janus confirmed, “Fortunately, though, I do not own a onesie,”

“I sleep in the buff!” Remus contributed, Virgil winced, he really didn’t want to see that.

“Well, if you plan to stay for the night, we must ask that you wear something we deem appropriate,” Logan told him firmly, “Otherwise, you must sleep elsewhere,”

Virgil shot Logan a thankful glance, the logical side nodded. 

“Fine,” Remus huffed, plopping down next to Roman in a pair of ghastly ripped up sweatpants and a green crop-top hoodie that read ‘intrusive THOT’ across the chest. He collapsed into his brother, who yelped and shoved him off. Remus picked up a pillow and whacked Roman over the head with it, Roman jumped up with a grin that startled Virgil a little bit, hitting Remus back with another pillow, and thus a pillow fight began. 

Patton joined in pretty quickly, giggling like a child as he picked up a cushion and jumped into the flurry of soft blows. Logan was dragged into it too, at some point, and eventually Virgil got involved after Remus whacked him in the face with a pillow and he couldn’t help but retaliate after that.

While the pillow fight was going strong though, Roman took the opportunity of the destruction to sneak away, heading quietly to the kitchen, where Janus had taken over the cooking when Patton had first gotten involved.

“Hey, um, Janus?” Roman asked as he came up behind the side, maybe right now wouldn’t be the best time to have a serious conversation, with the sounds of the others laughing and yelling in the background, nonetheless Janus turned, setting the tray he had just taken from the oven down on a cooling rack and removing the large oven gloves (patterned with pink and blue hearts, stars and butterflies, a design that just screamed Patton) to reveal that he was still wearing his yellow gloves underneath.

“Hello, Roman,” Janus said, leaning on the counter, “I’m totally not busy right now,”

“Ah- sorry, I just… wanted to talk to you while the others were… occupied,” Roman said, glancing back over at the others, still fighting, he shuffled his feet awkwardly, Janus raised an eyebrow at him, letting him know to continue, “I um- I’ve been thinking a lot since- um- yeah- and I just, I wanted to apologise… you know for… laughing at your name and being incredibly un-prince like towards you otherwise as well,”

“I don’t accept your apology,” Janus said, a hint of a smile on his lips, Roman relaxed minutely, “And besides, it’s not like I have anything to apologise to you for as well, I don’t think I deserved that at all after everything else I did to you too,”

“I… well-” Roman huffed, “Consider it even, then,”

“Alright,” Janus nodded, before smirking, “I suppose I also should apologise for the eh- kissing- earlier,”

“It was a dare, Pretty Little Liar,” Roman waved him off, though he knew he was blushing, he was pretty intrigued to note that Janus was also blushing.

“Would you like to help me finish the dinner preparations?” Janus asked instead of continuing down that road, gesturing to the array of food that still needed to be cooked before they could set up the mini buffet that Patton had planned.

“Um- I’ll gladly assist but… I am banned from a reason, you know,” Roman said, gesturing to a piece of paper taped to the fridge which showed their cooking schedule, Patton, Logan and Virgil alternated days they would cook, and underneath a thick header underlined three times that read ‘BANNED’ was Roman’s name.

Janus laughed, “What on earth could you do to get banned from the kitchen?”

“I almost blew up the house trying to make a mug brownie…” Roman said, looking away, “And got the entire kitchen covered in glitter and goopy sugary goop when I tried to make a confetti cake… I also lit the stove on fire by accident while trying to cook bacon-”

“Alright alright, surely you’ll do fine with instruction?” Janus   asked, waving him over.

“That’s a lie, but sure go off,” Roman rolled his eyes.

“Patton let Remus help him earlier, did he not?” Janus asked, smirking at Roman, “And he is of course, way better than you are, I see every issue with enlisting your help,”

Roman snorted at that one, but shook his head, “You know what, fine, I’ll help with dinner, but if there's a fire I’m not taking the blame you Bananaconda!”

“I completely despise that nickname,” Janus said with a small smile, before they got to work. 

Somehow, with Janus’ instruction, Roman managed not to start a fire or even make too much of a mess. The others had been adequately surprised to learn this as Roman and Janus set out the fully edible (and only slightly burnt) food on the table for everyone to pick at as the night went on.

—-

“Thanks for roping me into cooking,” Roman said, as he slid onto the sofa next to Janus with his plate of food, Virgil squinted at them from his chair across the room, “I had fun,”

“I despise that,” Janus said, shooting him a half smile, Roman beamed back. Virgil glanced around- at Patton and then Logan- Patton just shrugged with a smile, he just seemed happy that they were getting along but something had changed.

“I’m not eating the food if Princey had a hand in making it,” Virgil huffed, Roman gasped, raising a hand to his forehead dramatically.

“I’m wounded! Wounded by my beloved stormcloud!” Roman cried, Janus hid a chuckle by shoving a fork full of food into his mouth.

“Look, I’m just going by past experiences, your food hasn’t exactly been edible before,” Virgil said, rolling his eyes, Roman squeaked in annoyance.

“There’s every need to worry, Virgil,” Janus said, “I neither helped nor supervised, everything is inedible, I assure you,”

“Thanks, liar,” Virgil huffed, before glancing around at the others again. Remus was quite happily drinking the remaining blender sludge from the truth or dare game, while Logan and Patton were both starting to fill their plates with actual food which… did look good, despite his suspicions. Virgil stamped down the ugly feeling he got when he looked over at Janus- who was now laughing openly at something Roman had said- and stood up to get food himself. 

Not long after that their energy had lulled into quiet discussions happening around the room. Remus had opted to collapse on top of his brother, successfully inserting himself into Roman and Janus’ conversation, whatever they were talking about and Patton and Logan were quietly discussing something whilst they sorted through the vast selection of DVDs they had stored in the corner of the living room and Virgil had once again returned to his chair, armed with a pillow and his weighted blanket once again. He had summoned his phone and was trying to reply to the onslaught of Tumblr asks he’d gotten in response to Roman’s post. 

Being the only one not currently engaged in a conversation though, meant that Virgil was the first to notice the intruder almost break the door to the subconscious off of it’s hinges. 

“Heyyy-” They said, successfully grabbing the attention of everyone in the room, they looked around at the setup before gasping in offence, “OMGoodness! I cannot believe you guys! How could you host a sleep over without inviting me ?”

“Perhaps because the goal of a sleepover is to… not sleep?” Roman basically asked, “And that kinda uh- goes against your function, Remy?”

“Hey Remy!” Patton called with a wave, “You’re welcome to stay! We’re just about to start movies!”

Remy ignored both of them, the ice in their starbucks cup (who knows where they got Starbucks in the mindscape, we don’t question their methods) rattling as they pointed it accusingly at Virgil.

“Virge! Gurl I swear I haven’t seen you in like for-ever! How have you been, bestie?”

“Uhm- sleep deprived?” Virgil answered, Remy burst out laughing.

“I knew you’d miss me!” They grinned, before muttering quietly, “They always come back in the end,”

Virgil just rolled his eyes, “God you’re insufferable, just- come and sit down if you’re joining us,”

“Oh well of course, if you’re offering!” Remy smirked, and before Virgil could protest Remy had sauntered over and suddenly the extra space on Virgil’s armchair had been stolen from him and so had half of his blanket. 

“If you’re going to put your legs on my lap at least have the decency to take off your shoes,” Virgil hissed to Remy before going back to watching Janus and Roman coversate from across the room. Remy rolled their eyes before snapping their shoes away, leaving their rainbow socks on show. 

“Alright kiddos!” Patton called, getting everyone’s attention, “Time to decide on the first movie we’re going to watch!”

“Something with songs!” Roman called out immediately.

“How about a musical?” Janus asked, “I completely despise them.”

“Ok but consider,” Roman said, “Disney.”

“What about…” Patton thought for a second, before picking up a case, “A Disney distributed musical?”

“Hamilton!” Roman cried happily, throwing his arms in the air.

“That’s an absolutely horrible choice,” Janus nodded in agreement.

“Awesome! Any objections?” Patton asked.

“Hamilton is adequate,” Logan said.

Remus shrugged, “As long as we get to watch something interesting later!”

“I don’t even want to know what you’d consider interesting,” Virgil grumbled.

“I could give you nightmares about it if you want!” Remy said, all too cheerily, “Me and Re collaborate on them quite often, actually!”

“Do you want me to avoid you for another two weeks?” Virgil hissed elbowing them under the blankets. Remy pouted.

“No,” They muttered, before shifting all of their weight onto Virgil, who groaned.

“Just start the film already.” Virgil huffed.

—-

As the film played, Virgil couldn’t help but watch as Janus and Roman sang the songs together- some of the others joining in too just for fun- somehow they did it seamlessly without even discussing who would sing each part, first Roman as Hamilton while Janus played Burr, and then Janus as Hamilton while Roman played Eliza. 

“Looks like your man’s being stolen, gurl,” Remy whispered to Virgil and Janus kissed Roman’s hand, mimicking Alexander and Eliza onscreen. They had actually stood up to dance along with the cast to ‘Helpless’ and Patton couldn’t help but start giggling as he filled in Angelica’s lines for them. Virgil grumbled something unintelligible in reply.

“Looks like you’re Angelica in this situation, huh Virge,” Remy whispered in his ear, sentence punctuated by Remus’ belly laughs as Patton tried to get through the line about Angelica wanting to form a harem. 

“Fuck you,” Virgil said, putting his hand over Remy’s face and shoving them away. 

Roman managed to manipulate them all into watching Frozen next, much to Remus’ dismay. Logan begrudgingly gave in and quietly sang along to Elsa’s parts while Roman sang Anna’s after what seemed like a fair amount of coaxing, bribery and possible blackmail. in the build up to ‘Love is an Open Door’ Roman offered a hand to pull Virgil up.

“Sing with me?” Roman asked, leaving the offer of his hand there, Virgil just stared at it, “Oh come on Virge! We sound so good together on this one!”

“He’d love to!” Remy grinned, picking up Virgil’s hand and placing it in Roman’s, allowing Roman the chance to pull him up. Virgil gave Remy the middle finger as the song started, the other side just did it right back.

After the annoyance and the feeling of not wanting to sing in front of everyone had died down, Virgil found that it was actually really fun to sing with Roman, letting himself fall into the rhythm of it as Roman harmonised with him while they danced in circles over the small cleared space inbetween everyone. Patton clapped and cheered for them when the song was over and Virgil collapsed back onto the chair, bad mood from before all but evaporated. He didn’t even care that he’d mostly fallen on top of Remy, it was the payback they most definitely deserved for one reason or another.

Of course, Remus made his obligatory ‘Kristoff fucks the reindeer’ comment during Fixer Upper, successfully interrupting the fun Patton, Roman and Remy were having singing it together- though they managed to get back on track pretty quickly- though Patton had stepped down from singing to instead chase Remus around the house armed with a pillow. 

“Did we ever finish that Frozen rewrite that we started during the episode?” Logan asked after the film was over, “Because I may have to remind Thomas of that particular idea if not, I must check my records later.”

“The rewrite! Gosh that feels like only yesterday despite it happening like what- two years ago?” Roman sighed wistfully, “We should definitely dig that back up sometime!”

—-

For the next film, Patton (after finally catching him) begrudgingly let Remus choose with Janus’ guidance (just so he wouldn’t choose something so gorey or sexual that the rest of them couldn’t watch it) and they’d ended up settling on some horror film that Virgil was decidedly not watching. He had summoned his headphones and covered his head with the blanket at the earliest opportunity presented to him. He was glad for it when he heard Patton screech even through the noise cancelling. 

Somehow, halfway through what sounded like a pretty gruesome horror film, Remy fell asleep, so Virgil took the excuse that had fallen into his lap (literally) and swaddled them up in some spare blankets and carried them upstairs so that the others wouldn’t wake them up with the screaming. 

—-

They managed to get to about half past three in the morning before Logan began insisting that they should start heading to sleep, so they’d decided to pack it in after this film ended (thankfully something more light hearted after that horror film, Virgil didn’t want worse nightmares than usual, thank you very much).

So, as promised, after the film had wrapped up, everyone started getting ready for bed. Roman summoned sleeping bags and yet more blankets and pillows for everyone, as if they needed them and soon everyone started winding down. 

At some point during this process, Remy returned, aviators askew and Virgil’s blanket wrapped around their shoulders. Without saying a word they grabbed the closest sleeping bag and got in it before flopping down onto the ground incredibly ungracefully, once again dead asleep in seconds.

“Virgilll,” Roman whined from his sleeping bag on the ground, Virgil was just in the process of zipping up his own bag on the other side of the room, “C’mereee- I wanna cuddle,”

VIrgil just rolled his eyes at the way Roman was making grabby hands in his vague direction and shuffled over to where Roman was lying. Sleeping next to Roman wouldn’t hurt, right?

“Goodnight kiddos!” Patton called.

“Goodnight, Patton,” Janus said from somewhere past Roman, “I don’t apologise for the spiders in that film, by the way, I forgot they featured so heavily, and I also hope all of you have nightmares and sleep terribly,”

“Thanks Jan!” Remus called from somewhere near Patton, taking the lie at full sincerity.

“Thanks, Janus,” Patton said, accepting the truth he could gather from the statement. 

“Goodnight all,” Roman said, Virgil kicked him, though it didn’t have much impact with the sleeping bags.

“Everyone just shut up and go to sleep already,” Virgil groaned.

Finally, after an even more long-winded chain of goodnights that Virgil thought was possible (he was sure they were doing it to spite him). Everyone went quiet.

—-

“Hey guys, whaddyou all think about forming an orgy right here right now,”

“Re, shut the fuck up and sleep before I sew your mouth closed with silly string.” 

“Sounds like fun! Lets make it a date, huh Virgey?”

“Both of you shut up!” 

“Some of us aren’t trying to sleep here, you know,”

“If I hear another word out of any of you kiddos I will not be making pancakes in the morning,” 

That shut everyone up pretty quick, no-one wanted to miss out on Patton’s breakfast pancakes. 

—-

Somehow, when he woke up the next afternoon ( all of them- excluding Logan who had an immaculate sleep cycle- had slept all through the morning) Virgil found that he had ended up sandwiched between Roman and Janus in his sleep. He was almost 100% certain that Janus had been on the other side of them both when they first went to sleep.

How odd.

Well, Virgil thought as he let himself relax between them, it could be worse.

He heard the click of a camera mixed in with coos and giggles that sounded suspiciously like Remus and Remy. 

Virgil had jinxed himself. It got worse. 

[mtnkat3]

10.34am

Good morning all!

And happy Tuesday this beautiful autumn day!

Sorry for the tardiness!

I've gotta do some work on the whole falling asleep in my recliner thing! Then waking from the tv at almost 2am, then not being able to get back to sleep in my bed until almost 3am. Sigh. My neck & shoulders feel like a pretzel. Really hurts. So I've been playing catch up since my last ditch "get your ass up t its 9.30am!" Had me jumping up & running. Oh the pain!

I guess though I didn't wanna wake up because I was in a good dream state. I was hearing The Flame 🎶 by Cheap Trick again.

But has anyone ever woken from a dream from either a nap or actual sleep.. & remembered it completely? I do this.

And the last Friday one still sticks with me.

I wrote it out. My diary/journal is full of such. They get really long too.

But this one.. I don't know if it's real.. God talking to me. I usually feel it is though. But I pray with my entire being it is!

Or if it's just fantasy.. chewing my lip.

I only know.. I'm hearing that song in my head.. & I'm teary. Because I know.. I love the one meant for me. I just wanna wrap myself around him & show him all the love in my soul! I so wanna give, & get, bear hugs! Squeeze me..

But I also have to think about being a good & sincere woman & getting my life right.

I am scared to death of being toxic to people! Of being felt that my word isn't sincere. That I don't mean nor do what I say. It really terrifies me!

Because my issues with insecurities are deep seated, evidently mom screwed me here.

I want to always treat people better than I have been treated! Because I know that hurt!

I have to make amends. And it to be truly felt.

I knew somehow this mornings post was gonna be difficult. Sigh. I only get on tumblr to post these, then look around a bit. I haven't been liking but infrequently. But one I stumbled on is really affecting me. Which is also telling me that I have work to do still.

My counseling is going well. I am getting help. Understanding that I have a lot of abuse in my life. But that I don't wanna use that as an excuse. Nor do I wanna be like that either!

Mom & wh have done enough damage! I don't want to be toxic, nor abusive, nor judgmental to others the way I have been treated. Actually makes my guts as much a pretzel as my neck & shoulders feel today!

Fighting to be me, to be a good woman, & person. To treat others with dignity & respect. To not become what I'm constantly exposed to.. it's a daily war zone.

Maybe why I hit the wall the way I did, because I just couldn't cope anymore. There was just too much on me to deal with.

All I know as I write this.. look at my cat that really needs me to get us out!.. & then outside at the leaves changing & the breeze thru the trees..

I've got hard work to do!

On me.

On packing up my life.

I just know this.. I have to give wh until 11.15.2022 then ... he runs aground.

This also makes me think about my work & my priorities. As the song is just .. strong.. I am listening.

I think about why I have fought for a decade to get away from wh. Why I moved 300+ miles from all the family & people I knew. God knows.. I needed to be away & find a safe place.

I don't have one.

I am determined to get my life back.

And to help others struggling with such too. It's why I write this very personal stuff.

That & I am certain my soul's mates . My helpmate. Is it out there.. reading my words, thoughts, feelings. But also feels my soul's anguish too. He knows me. Maybe even better than I do myself.

I really so pray that what I saw.. have written like my soul's connection just poured out thru my fingers.. that it is real.

That I love him.. & am loved in return. That we will make it over all the hurdles. Together.

God I feel shows me such beautiful things to strengthen me. To give me hope, motivation. To fight. To focus. To get my butt moving!

All I know... he is out there.. somewhere.. & God smiles on me every time I am given such a glimpse beyond the veil. It fuels my soul.

I look forward to the day I am in his arms.. I look in his eyes.. & he is my #1 priority.

Well God then..

My priorities..

God.. my soul's mates .. family.. friends..

world.

I give it to God.

Because He alone can Guide me, Teach me. Mold me.. to be on the righteous path.. the one that leads me to my loves arms.. that I never will feel alone again. I will be loved, protected, cherished,.. wanted. Safe.

Just as I feel for him.

In God's Hands. Plans. Time.

I work as I await.

Because I believe.

~True love never dies & true love always waits.~

Wherever.. whomever.. you are.. I love you as a soul's mate. Treasured. Priceless. Infinitely.

With every ounce of my blood, sweat, & tears of effort. My soul's mate is my universe.

Now back to work. Because I am not giving up. Ever.

Lord, I am Your daughter.

Listening closely, patiently, bowed, humbled & carefully watching my steps..

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix. 🌺

👩🤓🙏🙇‍♀️☔💡🌂🔗⛓🧰⚙⚒🛠⚔⚖🗽🦅🕊🐯🐾🐐🦉🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌹🌻🌷🌳🧶🧵 ⌚⏳🚀⚡🌠🗝🔱⚜💝🧩♠️♾🌎🎯🧭🕯🎶💋 🥧🍁🧣🥾🥤🍯🍼☕🍫🍎🍑🍒🍋

Tu.10.18.2022 11.53am est.

[Sigh. Interruptions.]

[metalbuckaroo]

💋Soldat107💋

🍒 SUMMARY// At 3am, every Sunday, Bucky locks his bedroom door to watch his favorite camgirl. What's to happen when he finds out he's much closer to her than leaving generous tips on her videos?

💋 WARNINGS// m masturbation, implied f masturbation, cursing, mentions of alcohol, lil bit of fluff

🍒 AU// Roommate!Bucky x Camgirl!Reader

💋 NOTE// This is tame compared to what's coming next. Requests and asks are always open, 18+ ONLY Minors DNI

🍒Ronly Friends Masterlist🍒

💋Main Masterlist💋

Moodboard by// @commonintrest

"C'mon, big boy! Nat is gonna be here soon." You called down the hall, Bucky walking out of his bedroom as he pulled his shirt on. "I'm coming, calm down." He sighed. "Well, don't you look handsome." You smiled, smoothing your hands over his shoulders, feeling the muscles tense a little under your touch. "Oh, stop flirting."

"Nevermind, you look horrible." You teased, Bucky rolling his eyes at you as he got in the fridge for a water. "If I was to set you up with one of my friends- would you go?"

"Nope."

Though a small wave of relief washed over him, he couldn't stop himself from asking- "why not?"

"I have plenty of fun- by myself." You winked, a low chuckle pulling from Bucky's chest as he took a quick drink from the bottle. "Well, any guy who gets to date you is lucky, dollface."

You jutted your bottom lip out, reaching your hands out to hold his jaw. "Awe, Bucky. So sweet, gimme some sugar." You giggled, planting a kiss on his stubbled cheek.

Bucky looked at the tinted gloss painted on your lips and groaned. "Oh, c'mon, get it off. Sam teases me enough." He frowned. "Ok, ok. Lemme see." You laughed, pulling him down closer by the back of his neck.

"Hey!" He whined when you left another one on the opposite cheek. "Now, you match. Want some more?" You teased, Bucky trying to wiggle away as you wrapped your arms around his sturdy waist. "No, no more sugar."

"Oh, all of the sugar. C'mere, big boy." You giggled, making kissy noises at him as his face went beet red, laughter bubbling from his chest. "Stop! We gotta- we gotta go."

🍒 🍒 🍒 🍒 🍒 🍒

Bucky tried to keep his eyes from staring a hole into you the entire time you were at the club not far from the apartment. Occasionally glancing over Steve's shoulder to where you were enjoying yourself with Natasha, the hem of your dress lifting every so often to give a peek at the lacy underwear underneath.

"You listenin', Buck?" The blonde chuckled, snapping his fingers in front of Bucky to get his attention again. "Hmm? Yeah, I heard ya'." Bucky lied.

"Obviously not. You're staring so hard that it's getting creepy." Steve teased. "Is that drool?" Sam quipped, making Bucky mock laughter and roll his eyes as he lifted the glass bottle to his lips.

He had been waiting for a half an hour for a reason to ditch, seeing you shaking your head at a man who just stepped closer when Natasha walked away was the perfect reason.

"There goes Bucky, swooping in to save the day." He shot a look to Sam over his shoulder, snaking his arms around your waist and leaning to nuzzle his face in the crook of your neck.

Your face heated up at the sudden action, but the look on the strangers face as he backed away made you give a soft smile and place your hands on the metal forearm that was around your waist.

"Ready to leave? I'm bored." He muttered as he pulled you away from the crowd and the lingering man, facial hair scratching at your skin as he talked. "My hero." You laughed, pulling out of his grip and waving to the group of friends who sat at the bar.

"Unspoken rule number three, it is my job as your roommate to save you from unwanted situations." Bucky smiled, pushing open the door to hold it for you. "What a gentleman."

🍒 🍒 🍒 🍒 �� 🍒

3am hit while Bucky was scrolling his phone. The weekly notification dropping down at the top of his screen.

This time, there were two new videos; Bucky's eyes going wide when he saw the title on the second one.

For the best tipper- Soldat107

He hesitated at first to click it, his hand slipping into the waistband of his briefs to grip himself when the video loaded.

The swirling in the pit of his stomach started quicker than he had expected. Bucky rutting his hips into his hand as his top teeth bit down into his lip to make sure you didn't hear him this time and eyes fluttering shut as he spilled over the edge.

Once he was done, his phone and headphones were thrown to the side. Being quick to clean the mess on his hand and stomach before leaving his room to go shower.

🍒 🍒 🍒 🍒 🍒 🍒

The next morning, Bucky went on his run with Sam and Steve after breakfast. The main topic being how he hadn't asked you on a date yet.

"Just ask her and stop being a whimp about it." Sam said, nudging his shoulder as they walked up the stairs of the apartment building. "She's my roommate, that's what makes it more difficult."

"That should make it easier, Buck. You already know almost everything about each other, there wouldn't be any awkward silences if you took her out." Steve pointed, as if Bucky hadn't already weighed the pros and cons.

"It's also very convenient that her room is across the hall from yours." Sam nodded, making Bucky roll his eyes as he opened the door to his apartment.

You looked over your shoulder from washing the dishes to where he was walking in, athletic shorts low on his hips and hair tied up messily. "It was my turn to do those." Bucky said with a pointed look. "I got bored." You shrugged, feeling the heat from his form when he stood behind you.

"When most people get bored, they watch tv." He turned the water off and you turned to face him. "How was your run?" You asked, leaning back against the counter. "Annoying and sweaty."

You nodded, letting your eyes wander down to his sweat slicked chest. The shine making his muscular torso seem even more defined. "I can tell."

Bucky hummed in response and went to pull you in for a hug, your hands pressing to his chest to keep him away as a mischievous smile tugged his lips. "Get off, Bucky. I don't want a sweaty hug." You warned with a laugh. "You know you like seeing me sweaty."

Your face warmed and you curled your fingers under his to try to pry them from your waist. "Go- take a shower." You giggled, Bucky pouting as he backed away to go down the hall.

You could hear Bucky rustling around in his room as you put the dishes away, a call of your name making you walk into his view as he walked back into the hall.

"Have you seen my sweats?" He sighed. "Which ones?"

"Dark grey." You didn't let yourself look down as he adjusted the waistband of his briefs. "Check my closet if they're not in yours."

Bucky nodded and opened your bedroom door, going to looked through the folded clothes on the top shelf of your closet.

Not finding them there, he went to the trunk that was at the foot of your bed, thinking you kept more clothes in it as he opened it.

He choked on air when he saw the familiar sight of a masquerade mask along with the same backdrop the camgirl he watched and different sets of lingerie neatly placed inside.

"Did you find it?" Bucky heard your voice say as you got closer. "I fuckin' found something, cherry." He huffed, everything in him wanting him to just shut the trunk and forget he ever saw it.

You rolled your eyes and waved his hand away to shut it, folding your arms across your chest. "That's an invasion of privacy, Buck."

"I'm canceling my subscription." Bucky said, looking up at the ceiling. "You're what now?" You said, cocking your head to the side. Everything not clicking in place for you yet.

"I'm canceling." He repeated, looking down at you. The fact that Bucky had seen your videos settling in. "You- oh, god." You bit back a laugh, covering your mouth with your hand.

"Yep. Remember the best tipper? Me. Now, I'm gonna go take a very cold shower. Don't look at me for awhile, I'm embarrassed." Bucky turned to leave the room, you following right behind him.

"Bucky, please, don't make this weird." You whined, reaching to grab the metal of his wrist in your hand.

He stopped and let out a long breath through his nose, running a hand down his face. "Four months. You've lived here four months and I didn't know I watched your videos every weekend? I feel-" A visible shudder passed through him, a guilty feeling settling deep in his stomach along with a little bit of curiosity. "Lemme see it."

"See what?" You asked, letting go of his wrist. "The cherry. I wanna see it." He shrugged.

You rolled your eyes and turned so your back was to him before lifting the hem of your dress, pulling the waistband of your underwear down enough for him to see the tattoo.

Bucky swallowed thickly and moved his hands to cover himself, tearing his gaze away from your backside. "Yeah. That made it worse. I'm gonna go shower now."

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A few days passed, Bucky hadn't mentioned anything else about what he had found in your room. Everything stayed normal, except the increase in lingering looks you'd catch.

And the curiosity of what it was like to film yourself doing such personal things.

"I wanna do it." Bucky blurted out as you handed him a beer and the bowl of popcorn. "Do what?" You asked, taking your spot next to him on the couch and grabbing the remote from the coffee table. "The thing you do."

You looked over at him with an amused smile. "You'd make good money doing it." You said, Bucky's eyebrows raising. "You think?"

"Well, obviously. Look at you." You breathed a laugh, gesturing a hand towards him. His tongue swiped across his bottom lip, thinking over what he was about to say. "Do you ever think about... having a guest?"

You cocked an eyebrow at him, silently debating what he had said. Bucky had the build something like what you would see on a statue in a museum, a handsome face and delightful personality to match. You'd be lying if you said you didn't have some type of attraction towards him.

"You offering, Buck?"

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TAGLIST: @likeahorribledream @cxddlyash @iwannabekilledtwice @bookstan0618 @glxwingrxse @yliumy @pineprincess @makbarnes @cupcakehinch @doasyoudesireandlive @magicwithinnightmares @preferredrealty @andy-is-gay @stucky-my-ship @marvel-3407 @maladaptivexxdaydreaming @i-l-y-3000 @avoxzy @impala1967666 @mollygetssherlockcoffee @supernaturalbae @bucky-hues @suchababie @eireduchess

@mrsbarnesinmyimagination @rachellovesloki @teenagedreams-bucky

[kimthwariru]

Another Day

Jungkook x Reader

Mafia au

📍This chapter includes mature content

Page 16. A quick talk

“Just so you know, I think this is a terrible idea” Jungkook took a big sip out of his beer.

It was now around 3am and most people had already left the party. After the secret meeting between you Jin and Namjoon the members reached the decision of taking you up for the job. It was not such a big deal, they just needed you to translate some voice recordings. They said the less you knew the better it was for you.

You still can’t bare the thought that these guys were in the underworld. but the scariest thing was… you still liked them. The fact that they were literally criminals did not phase you anymore. The last thing you remember was you and May dancing before Jungkook pulled you to the side, telling you he wanted to explain more about this whole thing, and now here you are, on the small balcony in front of jungkook’s room, with a man who you learned was in an organized mafia clan just a few hours ago.

“Jungkook, if you brought me all the way up here in hopes to get me to back down from this, you’re wasting your time” It was true, no matter what Jungkook was willing to tell you, you had no intentions of not getting May that 10k.

Jungkook shook his head “We’re way passed that. There in no backing down from this now anyway…” he looked at you “Y/n, you do realize what we are, right?How big this whole thing is?”

“I’m still… processing it” you sight “ gotta admit, a bit cooler than ordinary delivery men” you chuckle

Jungkook laughed “I can’t believe you’re making jokes right now”

“Better than freaking out and calling the police, right?”

“God, much much better!” he paused “You know, I was so afraid that if you ever found out what we do you’d…” Jungkook suddenly had a bleak expression on his face

“You were afraid I’d leave?”

“Yeah…” he simply said

“Don’t worry Jeon, you ain’t getting rid of me that easy” you both chuckled. It was after a minute that you realized Jungkook was literally starting at you, like it was the first time he had seen you in a while. “Everything alright?” You question his sudden silence. You don’t want to misunderstand anything, especially when it came to Jungkook. But the way he was looking at you right now made you feel something in the pit of your stomach.

“I’m sorry-I just-“ he shook his head “You’re… stunning.”

You freeze. You don’t know if you can trust your ears or not. Where was Jungkook going with all of this? “I don’t get it” you shake your head “One minute you’re making fun of me and question everything I like, and the other you’re saying things like this…”

You thought he was like this to every girl he’d met. You’ve heard how flirty he is when it comes to women he wants to get. You always thought that whenever he was getting too flirty with you, he didn’t think much of it himself. But now, this whole thing felt a bit too personal.

“Both situations is me being honest” he suddenly grabbed your waist “And the truth is, I wanna kiss you so bad right now” he leaned in, his face centimeters away from yours. You could smell the alcohol in his breath. You hated the fact that you felt your knees go week.

Was all this because he was drunk? Was he playing a game like he has done with others a million times before?

“Jungkook, you reek of alcohol…” you turn your head to the side to break eye contact.

“No no no don’t give me that” his voice low, he turned your face towards him again and you thought you’d faint if you had to look at his Greek god-like features so up close for another minute.

Especially his fucking lips.

You wanted to taste them so badly. God, you finally admit it to yourself, as much as it terrifies you, you have something for him. You’re not sure what it is yet, but there is something… and the way he was looking down at your lips made you want to bite them down so hard.

“You have no idea how hard it was sometimes”he said suddenly, his gaze shifting from your lips to your eyes again.“Doing things-things that made me feel like a fucking monster. I used to look in the mirror and not be able to recognize my reflection.” He sighted and closed his eyes for a second.

You genuinely felt bad, It’s the first time you’re seeing him so venerable. You couldn’t possibly imagine the things he had to go through at such a young age.

“I thought I could just put a mask on and be ok, but I wasn’t. Even though the mask was damn heavy, I put it on anyways. I didn’t have a choice” He opened his eyes again and looked at you. “I threw away the mask when I met you…When I was with you I felt like I was myself again. Seeing you heals me.”

You swear your heart wasn’t even beating right now. You never imagined that the simple things mattered so much to him. Sure, sometimes he was an annoying know-it-all asshole but in reality, Jungkook was the most interesting person you had ever met and you were never going to tell him, but you sort of admired him. “You deserve good things Jungkook, and I want to be one of them”

Jungkook’s lips curled up into a smile before moving one hand from your waist to the back of your head, pulling you in for a soft kiss. He didn’t use tongue at first, but he was being passionate. You felt his palm caressing your back. God, this felt right. For a moment you forget even your name, the only thing you knew were his lips and his scent.

Judging from his skills, it’s clear to you that Jungkook had a ton of experience in this field. As the kiss started becoming more heated Jungkook suddenly stopped and jerked his head back. His prominent Adam’s apple and his neck muscles were your view. “I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself.”

He leaned back down and rested his forehead on yours. You knew Jungkook was more than turned on, you had be feeling the growing bulge in his pants for a while now. “Control is overrated” you smile

He quickly grabs the back of your neck and pulls you in for a completely different kiss. This time, you felt his tongue caressing yours. It was when he squeezed your inner thigh that you realized you wanted more, a lot more. “Should we go inside?” You hint and by the way he smirked at you it was clear that he understood immediately what you meant by that.

Jungkook closed the curtains behind him and threw you on the bed carefully. When he leaned on top of you, you see him grin “God, you look like you were made to be on top of my bed…”

Hearing those words made your head spin like no amount of alcohol could. He started kissing you, his erect member rubbing against your slit. Each stroke making you more light headed “Fuck” you moan in between rough kisses “I wanna suck you so bad” you surprise even yourself by saying that, but it was true, you were too aroused, and you wanted to taste him.

“On your knees then” he panted

You did as he said and watched him as his pale, long fingers worked at his jeans. You scooted down until you were face to face with his thick erection. You wrap one hand around him and started stroking him slowly “Fuck, it’s so big” you moan before licking it from ball to tip.

Jungkook couldn’t articulate anything other than loud groans. You sucked him enthusiastically, matching him noise for noise. You paid special attention not only to his arousal, but to all that lay below as well.

“You like sucking my dick?” He basically growled the words. You could feel your panties getting wetter by the minute.

“I love it.” You try to suck it all in but it was so big it made you gag. “See? I take it all like a little slut” Dirty talking wasn’t really something you did normally, but Jungkook made your insides stir up. All you could think was his dick and how good it would feel inside of you.

“You dirty little thing” he moaned and grabbed your hair into a ponytail, making you go deeper each time. You were surprised at his self control; most guys would have already come and you would have had to start all over again to get what you really wanted. “Show me how wet you are”

You put to fingers inside of you and softly pull them out again, bringing them up to show Jungkook your juices.

He shook his head “Naughty girl, what am I going to do with you?” He leaned down “I can’t have you dripping all over my new carpet” he bit your bottom lip while you were still giving his member subtle strokes. “How about you sit on my face instead?”

His words caught you by surprise. To be honest, no one has ever offered to pleasure you this way before. You were trembling even at the idea of Jungkook’s tongue touching you down there…

“Yes..” you tried your best to keep your voice steady, but you did a poor job. Jungkook noticed

“What’s up y/n? Am I making you too excited?” A cocky expression painted all over his face. Jungkook liked having you like this. He liked having control over you. You knew it.

“Maybe…” You get up as he lays down. “I’ve never tried this before…” you admit. To be honest, your experience with sex was limited. You could count the times you had sex with one hand. Sure, you had a little more experience with foreplay, but that’s it. You were sure Jungkook was much more experienced than you, but he was making you feel comfortable. That’s what mattered.

“Just sit on my face, let me do the rest”

You do as he says, and the moment his tongue touched your clit you knew you’d have to try not to come. “Fuck” you moan unintentionally. This felt too good. As he was massaging your slit with his tongue, he started squeezing your ass cheeks hard.

At this point, you felt yourself dripping on top of him. You’ve never felt so turned on in your life before. It almost scared you how needy you were for him.

You slowly get up and lay down next to him. Jungkook stretched himself over so he could climb back on top of you. His hips hovered above yours now as he held himself out. You could feel his balls slightly touching your tummy "Damn y/n, you’re driving me crazy” He whispered, the room suddenly feeling cold as his voice sent shivers down your back.

He leaned in, giving you a soft kiss as he played with your hair. His tone quickly becoming more aggressive by the minute, when he had you pinned down completely, he took a deep breath and slowly guided himself into you…pausing for a moment, and then he pushed in, groaning against your chest.

Your breath caught in your throat as you felt his thick member fill you up entirely. His dick was so hard and it felt so freaking good. You respond by digging your fingers into his back, shrieking in enjoyment. For a moment you wandered if your nails would leave marks. You pondered if those marks would be seen by other girls as well…

“Fuck y/n, you’re so tight” he exhaled. His strokes long and steady as you were still adjusting to his size.

“Can you feel how wet I am for you?” You sputtered, wincing as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

Jungkook met your lips with another kiss. "I could have you like this all day” He moaned loudly as he shallowly rocked his hips against your own. You gripped one-another with every fiber willingness, panting as Jungkook pushed in deeper, skin scraping on skin. He began to move, at first only in short, shallow thrusts, gasping against your lips as he did so. Jungkook was enjoying this as much as you did, you could tell because he could not contain his loud and impassionate moans that surfaced each time he met your hips with his in a steady rhythm.

He broke away from your lips again, this time hitching one leg up over his shoulders to push himself deeper into you and the ensuing pleasure that followed was almost enough for you to completely loose all of your other senses. You swear that if somebody had asked for your name, you wouldn’t remember it. You kept moaning as Jungkook continued to drive into you. You could feel every inch of his cock inside of you and it felt great.

You forcefully bit down on the inside of your cheek to keep from crying out when Jungkook entered you all the way...”I think I’m going to come”

Jungkook leaned down again, a smirk painted all over his face “of course you are..”

God, you hate the fact that you couldn’t even argue with him. This dude was good, if he deserved to be cocky about one thing, that was definitely sex.

As he shoved his dick deeper and deeper every time, you felt the tension inside your tummy build up. You couldn’t help it anymore. You can feel your toes curl as your walls started clenching around his dick. Fuck, that felt a hundred times better than you had excepted.

You could see it on his face that he felt you coming all over for him. “What a good girl…” he gradually stopped moving and gave you another quick kiss. “My turn… where do you want me to cum?”

Fuck this dude was hot. “My mouth, please?” you quickly place your face in front of his hard dick.

Jungkook took a good look at you before stroking his cock proudly. “Are you going to swallow it like a good little slut?” He tried to say without moaning but he failed miserably.

“Every single drop of it…” you tease, still not braking eye contact. You couldn’t possibly describe how hot Jungkook looked right now. His handsome face looking down at you as he stroked his dick with his tattooed veiny hand.

“Open your mouth then” he orders and you quickly follow, sticking your tongue out. “God you look so fucking hot like this” he barely manages to say as he jerked his head back and made a loud moan, followed by his cum flying to your mouth.

You give yourself a minute before you lay back down on his bed and he does the same, laying down next to you. A silence in the room. It felt…weird. Both you and Jungkook were just laying there, naked and sweaty after having felt each other like that.

You remembered what he had told you. ‘I don’t do relationships, I just fuck’. You kind of resented yourself for allowing you to be just another one of his ‘fucks’.

Jungkook seemed to notice your enigmatic expression “What are you thinking about?” He scooted even closer to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders

“Nothing…” you simply say without looking at him.

“Y/n” he suddenly says “I know I’m a different person to different people. Annoying to one. Talented to another. Interesting to a few. Unknown to a lot…” he paused and you took a second to look at him, his hair messy and his lips slightly stained by your lipstick. “But who am I, to you?”

His question caught you by surprise. “To me?” You repeat. “I don’t think you’re just one thing. I don’t think anyone is just one thing.”

You see him smile “Adjectives are a joke anyways…”

“Adjectives are not so bad. Without them you wouldn’t be able to describe anything.”

“You do have a point…” his chuckle slowly fading “Hey y/n, I have a question” he said all of a sudden

“What is it?”

“Have you and Tae ever… you know?”

You shake your head as a response to how ridiculous that question seemed to you “God. No. Not even close. We’re just… friends”

Jungkook closed his eyes “Thank god.” he exhaled

“Why?”

“I don’t like people touching what’s mine” he simply said leaving you speechless.

[onceuponabarnes]

Focus, Sir

summary \\ ceo!bucky and assistant!reader confront their feelings after a late night in the office together

word count \\ 1.4k

warnings \\ possible age gap relationship hinted (not mentioned, though), boss/employee relationship

this was written as part of @celestialbarnes​‘s 4k writing challenge, using the prompts ceo!bucky and “stop biting your lip, i can’t focus at all” “make me” which have been put in bold :)

Being James Barnes’ assistant wasn’t exactly the typical job you thought you’d be accepting. You thought you’d be making appointments and posting letters and collecting dry cleaning, not poring over his diary by soft lamp light in the early hours of the morning with your faces only inches apart.

“You can’t make that appointment,” you said, pushing the post-it note towards him. “You’ve already got a meeting with Steve about the last quarter and those usually run on for over 2 hours,” you told him.

Bucky let out a heavy sigh, dropping his weight back into his chair. “God, what would I do without you, doll?” he asked dramatically.

“I don’t know, sir,” you chuckled, your attention turning back to the papers in front of you, pen pulled between your teeth.

“I can’t keep you here all night, doll. Go home,” Bucky urged after glancing at the clock, seeing it tick closer and closer to 2am.

“With all due respect, sir, I’d be going home to an empty apartment and a load of laundry to do whilst I wait for take out to arrive. This seems like a much better use of my time,” you told him sweetly.

Bucky looked at you skeptically, eyes squinting slightly before finally letting out another heavy sigh. “Whatever you say, love. And please, for the love of God, I’ve told you it’s Bucky or James,” he said with a soft smile. “Sir makes me feel ancient.”

“My apologies, Bucky.”

“I do like your idea of take out, though. Have you ever tried that 24 hour chinese place down the street? They do amazing chow mein!” he enthused, already reaching into his desk drawer to pull a menu out and thrust it in your direction.

“I haven’t, but I trust you not to give me food poisoning,” you chuckled, accepting the menu and opening it out over the clutter in front of you.

An hour later, you’d moved to the seating area in the corner of Bucky’s office, overlooking Brooklyn from 50 stories up. Your feet were pulled up on the couch next to you, shoes discarded by the desk what seemed like hours ago. “You were right,” you told Bucky, tapping your chopsticks together in the direction of the food you were eating.

You seemed to have broken him out of some sort of daze, earning a small jolt and a soft hum in reply. “About the food. Very nice,” you said softly.

“I know the best spots in Brooklyn for everything, doll,” Bucky grinned, voice effortlessly smooth even as it fast approached dawn and neither of you had slept since the previous morning.

“You might have to show me one day,” you grinned before your eyes widened. “Oh, god! I didn’t mean it like that! Not that I wouldn’t like that but- Oh, Jesus. I’m so sor-”

“It’s okay, doll,” Bucky chuckled, finally putting you out of your flustered misery. “I’d love to show you around,” he added, voice just as soft as the gentle blush rising over his ears. “If you’d want to, I mean.”

Before you even got a chance to reply, to accept his offer, his office phone started ringing. His eyes darted to the clock before he let out a long groan. “That’ll be Stevie in London. I swear he doesn’t realise that time zones are a real thing.”

You hid your giggle in your next mouthful of noodles as Bucky traipsed over to the desk. “Steven, it is 3am. If what you have to say isn’t life-alteringly urgent, I would like to get back to having chinese with my lovely assistant,” he quipped.

You couldn't hear what was being said, but if your knowledge of Steve and Bucky’s eye roll were anything to go off of, Steve was apologising for not realising that 8am in London meant 3am in Brooklyn and that he’d ring Bucky back at a better time. “It’s fine, Stevie. Just send me it all in an email and we can discuss it later on, yeah?”

As the two of you scraped the scraps out of your take-out tubs, Bucky looked to the clock again. “I’ll walk you out once we’re done here. And if I see you back in this office before noon, I will fire you,” he told you, already reaching to grab the plastic bag that the food came in.

“No you wouldn’t,” you scoffed, finishing your last mouthful before putting the box and chopsticks into the bag.

“And how do you know that?” Bucky asked, a flair of sass jerking over his eyebrow.

“You’d be lost without me, Barnes,” you smirked. You watched as he tried to formulate an argument, give you one example of how he’d functioned perfectly well without a single ounce of your help.

“You’ve got me there, doll,” he smiled lazily, tiredness seeming to seep into his facial features as he stood up to finish tidying the remnants of your supper away. “What can I say? I only surround myself with the best,” he smirked.

You and Bucky tidied your things away in silence, only speaking to let him know that you were returning your pile of papers to your desk. He met you out there, turning the key in the lock to his office door as you locked your desk drawers. “Come on, doll. I’ve kept you long enough.”

As you stood side by side waiting for the elevator, you turned to him slightly. “I’d love for you to show me around Brooklyn… If the offer’s there,” you told him nervously, pulling your lip between your teeth and gnawing at the skin.

You watched as Bucky blushed and fumbled over his words. “Unless the offer isn’t there…” you trailed off, mortified that you’d read the situation wrong and just taken your boss up on the offer of a date that was never even made.

“No, no! The offer’s definitely there,” Bucky rushed out, turning to you jerkily. “You’ve just gotta stop biting your lip, doll, I can’t focus at all on what I’m trying to say.”

The elevator opened in front of you and Bucky placed a hand on the small of your back, leading you into the carriage and following right behind you. As soon as the doors had slid shut, you looked up at him through your eyelashes.

“Make me, sir,” you goaded.

You watched as Bucky took a deep breath, nostrils flaring slightly. “You can’t go saying shit like that, doll. A guy might get the wrong idea,” he told you stiffly, fingers tightening into a fist by his side.

“I don’t think I’m giving anyone the wrong idea, sir,” you said, voice barely above a whisper even though it hung loud in the small carriage of the elevator. You risked a look at him, peeking out from under your eyelashes to see Bucky staring right back at you.

In an instant, you’d been crowded up against the side wall of the carriage, Bucky’s chest holding you in place. His flesh hand came and rested on your cheek, metal hand cupping your jaw. 

“Please,” you whispered when you saw him hesitate. “Bucky… James,” you pleaded.

His lips were soft against yours, smooth and firm and just right. The first moments of the kiss with him were the best kiss you’d ever had, and that was before he slipped an arm around your back to press you closer and raise you up on your toes. One of your hands slipped under his unbuttoned suit jacket, resting about his waist, and the other reached up to tease the hairs at his neck.

“God, doll, the things you do to me,” Bucky groaned, resting his forehead against yours. “Been wanting to do that since your interview,” he chuckled, reaching down to press a soft peck to your lips.

“Took you long enough,” you grinned, pulling your bottom lip in between your teeth again as you tried to hide your growing smile. Bucky’s gaze drifted down, to the tight line of your lip, and his eyes darkened ever so slightly.

“What did I tell you about that lip, missy.”

[vexture]

Yoinked from friend Carmen (@good-wine-and-cheese) - 5 songs we actually listen to, but I'm adding as many as I want to, because I can :> (there's probably some misspellings, I'm tired lol)

First off, if it's not obvious, some of these songs will have very iffy lyrics if you listen to them yourself, I just like making playlists for fics and some of this shit is what my headmates like, for legal reasons (tm) I don't condone any of the shit in these songs (I hope no one I know actually thinks that)

1. Stockholm Syndrome, Nostalghia

Man when we found this song it was like a punch to the gut, given the situation with my old partner at the time, plus one of my headmates really relates to this one (which, ouch) but just like, the instruments and the messy way she sings is really really cool :00

2. Carousel Waltz, Jack Conte

Headmate Jules listens to lots of stuff, and outside of his trigger song, this one in particular makes him tune into the fronting area. I vibe with the flowey composition so much man, the way this guy sings has such an uncanny feel, and raw

3. Ich tu dir weh, Rammstein

Woop woop Steiner listens to this one a shit ton, not surprised but like, damn lol. I love the guitar specifically in this one and whatever shit they did at the start (it sounds like pitched down piano keys), and when I have the volume up all the way the way Til growls vibrates my ears and man, that shit's awesome :0 gotta love bdsm tracks (also fun fact this song was taken off the original release because of the subject matter)

4. Hang, 8 Graves

I found this one for my jthm jimmy playlist and I really like the way everything is phrased. The way it sets up feels like one of those like, party anthems for asshole frats but like the lyrics give to something more open about these types of people and their friend groups, I really dig the instrumental too :>

5. Sacrilegium I, Zeal and Ardor

Another one of Jules' shit, man this one reminds me of like, Tron, anyone remember that movie? I played the game based on the movie :> not much for this type of electronic stuff but it's just got this type of pull to me personally, and it makes it a blessing when Jules stops playing Barracuda for the millionth time lol

6. Cocaine Jesus, Rainbow Kitten Surprise

Oh ouch, one from Wolfgang's playlist. I cannot unpack the absolute projection he does to this song here but what I will say, for myself, the line "..high as hell, feeling fine, nothing bad but nothing kind - not, not a word from me, at least nothing you would mind.." is what drew me in immediately, and is the line he focuses on the most except for the bit at the end of the song

7. Came as a Glow, Pile

The fucking guitar, and the borderline yelling this guy does is great. I was like "oh fuck I don't think I'm gonna like this one" but then the vocalist smacked me in the face with the whole screamish thing. Ever since then I've just had it in my master playlist and I listen to it more than I think probably

8. Reich mir die hand, Blutengel

Milosz's positive trigger song, and the only one of Blutengel's songs I remember liking back in 6th grade :> Milosz has listened to their entire discography and will fucking die by this shit lol. I wish the lady's back up vocals were more pronounced though, that is legit my only complaint about this song

9. Doing My Time, Pale

I found this when my YouTube recommendation was good (f in chat since it sucks now) and like, you have to listen to this like, at 10 pm- 3am full blast with headphones and just lay in your bed. The atmosphere is like, the fucking best for those late nights where you feel certain ways it's great

10. Doom Woods, Whitechapel

Headmate Josh makes everyone listen to this shit when he drives, and I'm not saying it sucks, but long term exposure to Josh(tm) can either make you hate shit like this or have brain rot, he showed Magnus and he's now a Whitechapel stan I guess. I can say the vocalist should sing more, in one of the other songs he sings and man it's awesome. 10/10 would learn screaming just to make a cover of this song

Anyone can do this too, btw this was really fun!

[anyoneseenadam]

Home: Chapter Seven

azriel x reader (acotar)

summary: (y/n) is a daughter of Persephone, still recovering from the trauma of her fall into Tartarus and doesn’t have time for a stupid, handsome, annoying, stunning, injured man. But now they’re stuck together in the middle of nowhere and there only chance of getting home is if she can heal him, and fast.

warnings: big spoilers for mark of Athena and house of Hades, also for the acotar series, eventual smut, blood, PTSD, graphic descriptions of violence, injuries and torture, enemies to lovers so az is a bit of a dick to start, swearing, 

word count: 3.9k

a/n: I’m entirely writing this to distract myself from the real world but honesty I’m having a great time, I think there will be one more chapter after this one and maybe an epilogue but asides from that, also feel free to message or ask if you want to be tagged :)) anyway enjoy and pls comment and shiz :)

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Azriel had once joked that you were like an actual flower, needing water and sunlight to use your powers. At the time you had laughed but now as you stood in front of the mirror, wiping the tears from under your eyes, and preparing to walk into the world of all things dead, you understood. The dress you wore was one of the few fancy ones you reserved for the dinners you were often dragged to before your fall. It was lavender, with tulle cascading down your legs from the waist, paired with a tight corset top and tulle off-the-shoulder sleeves. As you sat with a ‘humph’ and started applying your makeup, your stepbrother walked in.

“Well you look cheery,” Nico said, sitting on your bed.

“I look like an evil power puff girl,”

“You look like you are a princess, which you are so my dad is going to be pleased.”

“I really don’t care what he thinks,” you snapped, and Nico help up his hands. He was wearing all black as usual, simple dress pants and a loose black shirt tucked in, his belt matched his rings, and his dark hair and even darker eye bags made him look every bit the Underworld prince. “Sorry, I’m not mad at you,” you said turning back around to carry on with your makeup.

“I know, it’s stressful for you,” he moved to sit next to you, resting his head on your shoulder and you applied eyeliner.

“I don’t wanna get sick again, I have things to do. Plus I’ve got to convince your dad to let me ask for this favour. I just feel like it’s all going to go to shit.”

“I get it, you’ll be fine though. Also I’m pretty sure your mum is going to do anything for you if it means you’ll speak to her again, so she’ll be on your side at least. That’s three vs one.” He nudged you as you put down the eyeliner.

“That’s true.” You bit the inside of your lip and Nico, sensing your worry, changed topic.

“Tell me about Azriel,” He said, and you caught his eye in the mirror.

“Huh?”

“Well I gotta make sure that when you become his problem it will be permanent, I don’t want you coming back,” he joked.

“Fuck you,” you laughed shoving his shoulder and he giggled, rolling onto his back.

“I don’t want to do thisssss,” Nico said in a sing-song voice lying flat on the floor.

“Me neither but I’m not going in alone bitch,” you laughed, starting to feel slightly better. It was moments like this that made you regret pushing your friends away, the thought of seeing them was always scary but when you were with your brother again you remembered why you loved them so much. You assessed your outfit in the mirror and sighed.

“What?” Nico asked, sitting back up.

“This would look really nice with a dark red lip,” you said, biting your lip.

“Do you have one?” he asked, and you nodded. He was quiet for a second before reaching out and ruffling through your makeup, finding your favourite red lipstick. “Do you wanna try?”

“Yeah, but if I cry it’ll mess up my eyeliner.” You said with a shaky laugh. He laughed quietly handing you the lipstick and you looked at him in the mirror, taking in a shuddering breath. You were stronger than this and you could handle it. You closed your eyes for a minute, counting your breaths, before opening the lipstick.

Once it was applied you lifted your chin, staring down the girl in the mirror. Nico grabbed your hand softly and you tore your eyes away, standing and pulling on your shoes.

“Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

--

Azriel was in a shit mood. He was 90% sure that you had cast some sort of spell on him when he was with you, something that made him happy and relaxed, because now that you weren’t here he pretty much wanted to throttle everyone.

Amren had been helping him look for a way to get back to you. The first thing they had tried was winnowing, he pictured your face; your smile, the way your hands felt in his, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t reach you. So they had been scanning books since then, reading up on every theory and myth. Nesta had brought him to speak to Gwyn who had told him about the theory that there could be up to at least 20 other worlds. Amren had also made him talk through every detail about this world he could remember, writing diligent notes as Cassian gave him weird looks when he spoke about Bucky Barnes.

“He’s a character, it’s a simple concept.”

“Yeah but how do you get an emotional connection to a character?”

“Shut up both of you.”

The pain in his chest was only growing as well, and he came to the daunting realisation that if he failed this; if he couldn’t get back to you, or get you back to him, he would probably have to deal with it for the rest of his long, long life.

He felt bad for taking his frustrations out on his family who were just worried about him, but he had never felt this way before. All he could think of was the way your eyes cleared when the realisation dawned on you. The way you had gone from sobs to a different, all-consuming kind of pain, just for a second, your eyes clearing as you realised you might never see him again. He hated himself for not being strong enough to put up a fight, he knew he wasn’t a match for a god, but he should’ve tried, he was too shocked at the time, too heartbroken, but now he was terrified that you might think he gave up on you. He had to get back to you, he was afraid what you might do if you were alone again. If you were alone after having the bond dangled in front of you, only to have it ripped away moments later.

It was almost 3am and everyone else in the house had gone to bed, but Azriel didn’t sleep well normally, and he especially wouldn’t while he was apart from you. He looked up from his book when he heard someone clear their throat, his head whipped up an incredulous smile gracing his features when he saw you sitting there.

“Baby,” he started moving forward but you held your hand up, stopping him.

“Oh that’s just too sweet, you kids are giving me so much content,” you dabbed at your eyes, and Azriel frowned.

“(y/n)? what’s going on?”

“Oh I’m not (y/n) sweetie, but that’s just adorable. My name is Aphrodite, Goddess of love and beauty, I often appear as whoever you find most beautiful.” Azriel’s heart dropped, the brief happiness he felt seeing your face gone as the lady spoke.

“Aphrodite? Hermes mentioned you.” He said, tensing as he realised he was dealing with another god. “In fact he said it was your fault this all happened.”

“Oh Hermes, always blaming someone else. You should be thanking me.”

“And why would I do that.” Azriel knew the look on his face was deadly, but something about seeing a god cower under his gaze was feeding his ego.

“Haven’t you worked out why you can’t travel back to her.” She raised her eyebrows at him, her expressions may be on your face, but as he paid more attention she seemed like a completely different person. “I have the power to move through world’s, you do not. I just thought that poor, sweet girl had been through enough that she should get to meet her soulmate. I waited for you after your mission and then just made you forget and let the two of you fall in love naturally, I mean I get teary eyed thinking about it, you’re just too cute!”

Azriel’s shoulders relaxed slightly, “So why are you here? Are you going to bring her to me?”

“Hmm I could, but I’d get in so much trouble, plus she’s very smart and I want to see if her plan works. You people are so very entertaining.” Her face rippled for a second as she turned, and she briefly looked like Mor, then Elain, then back to you. “But you, poor boy,” He chose to ignore the condescending tone, “You were dealt a very bad hand love wise, so maybe if she doesn’t succeed I could pull a few strings, but I do have a holiday planned so it may be a few decades.”

Her laugh made him feel sick and he glared at her, “What did you say about her plan?”

“Oh yes! She’s going down to the underworld to try find a solution,” Aphrodite was moving around the room gracefully as Azriel sat back down, the weight of Aphrodite’s easy words hitting him. She picked up one of the books laying on the desk and made an unimpressed noise, throwing it back down carelessly.

“That’s where the dead go right?” he asked, silently praying he was wrong,

“Yup! Don’t worry though, her mother lives there too,” she said ‘mother’ with a slight snarl, but Azriel ignored her. “You know I get why she likes you, you’re very pretty aren’t you?” She walked over to him, swaying your hips and he had to remind himself it wasn’t you as she sat down in his lap, forcing his hands to stay clenched at his side. She ran your hand along his jaw, tilting her head with a smile as she stroked his face. Her thumb rested on his bottom lip as he glared at her with murderous rage, trying to reel it in as he remembered she was possibly the only one that could help him.

“Well I guess I better go,” She sighed dramatically then pressed a perfectly polished gold coin into his hand, “Flip this if you need me, emergencies and sex only.” She winked at him, before kissing his cheek and standing, waving seductively before vanishing. Azriel sat for a few minutes, reeling from the interaction he just had. Is this the world I’ve entered now? Gods who can do whatever they want? He wondered if that’s why you avoided talking about the Gods, if maybe growing up with this had made you bitter to them. He wanted to ask you and talk to you about it, or anything for that matter but instead he just pocketed the coin and stood, winnowing to his room, and collapsing on his bed.

--

“Sweetie, you look beautiful,” Your mother cried out as you and Nico arrived, you were leaning heavily on his arm, while surrounded by death, the coldness of a lifeless place seeped into your bones and weakened you, you had learnt as much the first time you visited. You gave your mother a tight-lipped smile and hugged her awkwardly.

“Oh I missed you so much dear,” she stroked your hair, and you fought the urge to roll your eyes.

“You could’ve visited.” It was hard to keep the bitterness out of your voice, after all you had gone through and she hadn’t visited once. A look of shock passed over her face but before she could reply Hades thundered in, his usual outfit, ‘the robes of death and despair’ as you fondly called them, were replaced by a dark suit, his hair slicked back from his face. He came to Persephone’s side and rested a hand around her waist pulling her in slightly, and despite yourself you felt a little jealous of their closeness as your mother looked up at him with doe eyes.

“Nico, my son, how are you?” Hades deep voice silenced the room, the very air seeming to stand still, and Nico flushed red as he was put on the spot. The four of you exchanged pleasantries as you made your way to the ridiculously long table, Hades sat at the head on one side, Persephone on the other, with Nico and you facing each other in the centre. The wood was dark, but the table was covered in all sorts of colourful food and you all helped yourselves while making small talk, only managing to hear your parents due to the eery silence of the room, dead guards not needing to make any noise.

After the first few courses and once you had consumed enough white wine to gain some courage you turned to face your mother.

“Mum, I think I need a favour if that’s okay?” you asked with great caution, extremely aware of the powerful forces surrounding you.

“Well that depends dear. What is it?”

“After the battle and the… fall, I never got my reward remember, I instead asked to be able to come get it when I needed it.”

“Yes of course, I thought that was very smart!” your mother spoke cheerfully but you could feel Hades’ gaze on your back, burning through your skin and bones to the very essence of your soul. “Let me guess, you need it now?”

“If that’s okay, some things have changed recently and I now know what I need,” you smiled at her, “I met a man, well actually he’s a faerie. Aphrodite wanted us to meet because we’re soulmates and after my fall she thought I deserved to see him, but since he’s from another world he had to go back, and we can’t be together.” You wiped away a few stray tears you forced out; this was your game. Your mother didn’t visit you often so she had never seen this side of you, the side that could manipulate even a god into giving you what you wanted. “So I thought, maybe for my reward I could become Fae and be permitted to live with Azriel in his world, and maybe come and visit my friends occasionally?”

“Oh that sounds lovely dear! That’s so alike me, I had to beg my mother and even then she didn’t let me stay here,” your mother rattled on and you smiled at her, but your shoulders were still tense as you knew you hadn’t won yet. You turned to where Hades sat, rubbing his temples.

“I get it. I do. But I really don’t think my brother would allow that, it’s too much.”

“Too much?” you asked, a bitter laugh escaping.

“I understand you went through a lot,”

“Do you?” you couldn’t stop the biting words, “Because the last I checked you both sat and did nothing while I was tortured down there. You could’ve done something, but you didn’t, you made a choice not to, and now I ask for ONE thing, and it’s too much?” Hades’ glare was murderous, but you weren’t going to back down.

“I mean if you really think about it, I’ll be out of your hair if you agree. One less demi-god always seems to be a win for you guys.” Nico said your name in warning, but you slowly stood. “I am not asking for much, I am asking to be allowed to live a life with the man I love and after all I have been through, fighting YOUR battles, I think it’s the least I deserve.”

You held Hades’ gaze for a few more seconds until he spoke. “Are you sure your not a child of Nyx?” he asked, and you grinned, cocking your head to the side.

“Why would that be?”

“You have a pure evil streak in you girl and uncharted power. You better learn to control it, before someone catches on.”

“We won’t have a problem I’m presuming?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” he said gruffly, going back to his meal and you relaxed, moving to hug your mother goodbye, whispering thanks to her, before linking arms with Nico and leaving.

--

The next day you awoke to a golden invitation to Olympus, and you smiled, soon. You’d be with him soon.

--

Olympus looked much nicer since Annabeth had gotten involved. You may have been biased but it seemed to hold a sense of home it never had before, the clinical cleanliness now feeling purer and more loving. The throne room however had remained much the same.

You stood alone in the middle surrounded by the arc of thrones, but you refused to take your eyes of Zeus. You had received a wink from Apollo and a smile from Aphrodite as you walked in but beside that it had been eye contact for at least five minutes. You knew better to speak before you were spoken to but the way they surrounded you and stared down on you was bringing up bad memories and you were really fighting a panic attack.

Seemingly sensing this Apollo cleared his throat, “Perhaps we should start father?” While you were grateful a part of you hated how well the flirtatious god knew you, he was the first to tend to your wounds when you first escaped, healing them enough so you wouldn’t die from blood loss but not enough for anyone to suggest he was picking favourites. His warm hands had provided a sense of comfort you thought you had lost entirely.

Zeus nodded slowly, a letter appearing in his hand, “So these are your terms? Transformation into high Fae, permission to live in a new world with visits back to this one twice a year?” you presumed Hades, or your mother had written the letter, neither of them present currently. You nodded clearly, not entirely trusting your voice.

“I guess it’s only fair, but a full transformation will hurt,”

“I’m sure I can take it.” you lifted your chin, holding your shaking hands tightly in an attempt to conceal them.

Zeus laughed, not taking his eyes of you, “I’m sure you can. Does anyone have any major oppositions?”

Aphrodite raised her hand, “I’d like to add that during her transformation, her womb changes shape so she may birth Illyrian children.” You shot her a grateful look, still not entirely sure why she was suddenly so invested in ensuring your happiness, but you wouldn’t complain.

Hera was the next to speak and you fought the urge to roll your eyes, “Why is she getting special treatment again? What did she do that was so different?”

“She was tortured for days!” Athena exclaimed,

“So?” Ares now.

“She was a child, it was brutal.” Apollo jumped to your aid and soon the chamber was filled with shouting voices as they argued over your fate.

“SILENCE.” Zeus quieted the room instantly and every eye turned to him, but he remained focused on you, “Well then? Answer the question girl, what makes you so special?”

You thought for a second before answering, “I don’t consider it special treatment. After the battles I’ve fought and the pain I’ve endured to help your causes, I’d consider it a form of retirement.” You kept Zeus’ gaze and let a streak of the evil Hades had warned you off show, smiling when his smug smile disappeared. He waved his hand, “Very well then, High Fae with altered womb and permission to live in their world and visit our occasionally, that is all?”

You nodded and he assessed you before holding out his hand, his gaze darkening. You furrowed your eyebrows as your limbs started to tingle before pain took over your entire body.

--

You had felt pain so many times before, pain that left more than just physical trauma, but this was different. You felt as if your blood had become fire and every bone was breaking as new ones reformed. You didn’t have any sense of time or place, all you could feel was pain. At one point you thought it was over only to open your eyes, feeling impossibly soft sheets beneath you, and see Apollo hovering over you, sweat dripping from his brow as he took some of the pain away, even for just a moment.

When you finally awoke you were on the ground. You stood up quickly, almost knocking yourself over as your movement were much faster than usual. You were outside a glowing city, it didn’t have skyscrapers like New York, but it was so comforting to look at you felt yourself being drawn in. As you crossed the border however, a beautiful man with dark hair appeared, his eyes narrowing.

“Who are you and why are you trying to get in here?” A shot of fear went through you as you felt his magic, it was thick in the air and powerful.

“I’m not going to hurt anyone, I’m just looking for someone,” you explained, swallowing down the lump in your throat. The handsome man’s gaze turned vacant before softening after a moment.

“I apologise, I’m Rhysand. Let me help you find whoever it is, what’s their name?”

“That’s okay, really. His name is Azriel, but I don’t think he’s expecting me.” Rhysand stopped, his head turning towards you, “what is it?” you asked.

“(y/n)?”

“How do you know my name?” you stepped back but he held out his hands,

“No, no I’m Az’s brother, let me take you to him.” he grabbed your arm softly and suddenly you were standing in a warm room facing Azriel. You felt tears fill your eyes as you stared at him, he uttered your name in question and you nodded running into his arms, completely engulfed by his scent, tears of joy running down your face when you suddenly realised something, pulling away.

“Did you say brother?” you turned to Rhysand, feeling all the plants in the air respond to your calls, when Azriel tugged you back to him.

“Not biological don’t worry.” He whispered and Rhysand laughed.

“I like her.”

“Hmm I was two seconds away from castrating you,” His eyes widened slightly and you laughed, turning back to Azriel as he looked over you.

“How- you, you’re Fae?” His eyes were filled with worry again, afraid he was being tricked.

“I never got my reward remember, I knew I would need it in the future,” you smiled at him as he cupped your face and leaned down to kiss you. You pulled apart, Azriel growling when you heard catcalls, turning, and seeing the room had practically filled. A shot of fear went through you as your eyes landed on another man who had red siphons, and Azriel followed your gaze, a hand stroking your face in reassurance.

“So this must be (y/n), welcome to our home, I’m Feyre,” A beautiful woman stepped forward and clasped your hand in hers, which you noted were stained from paint. Everyone else soon made introductions and they urged you to sit as you found out about this makeshift family Azriel was in.

“Oh! That’ll be Nyx, I’ll go,” Feyre said when a baby started crying in the distance,

“Wait what did she say the babies name was?” You asked, holding in a laugh.

“Nyx?” Rhys said,

“Oh, course, cool cool cool,”

“What?” Azriel asked, looking at you strangely.

“I’ve kind of met her,”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, she’s like the evilest deity there is, and she did not like me,” Rhysand stared at you with a look of shock on his face, but before anyone said anything else, Amren was laughing loudly.

“You must tell me all about these Gods girl.”

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tags: @tastedlikedamnation

[zet-sway]

@the-wip-project day 35:

I don't know what today's question is but I gotta write a wall of text about what happened last night because holy shit

I was on the verge of falling asleep and, like I usually do, I decided to hunt for some spicy fanfics to read on my phone. I found one.

All my posts are long but this one is real fucking long. CW for touching on dub-con and injury mentioned in the type of context it probably shouldn't be.

It's time for me to admit that not only am I a oneshot writer, I'm also a oneshot reader. I am drawn to short fanfics. If I click on a chaptered fic, it's (usually) because it's rated E for smut and I'll go in with every intention of skimming it for the spicy bits. I'm not proud of this. I've avoided saying this for years because I don't want to disappoint people who work hard on their very long and well thought out chaptered stories. I have a short attention span, and I know what I want.

But anyway, last night I clicked on a fic with 5 chapters and some amount of words, around 30k? Long, by my standards, but I was tired and I just wanted something to read while I dozed off.

This particular fic hooked me in, though. I still skimmed it, but the writing was so unique in a way that made me writhe with writer's envy and admiration. Whoever wrote this had their own language - nothing borrowed - their own vision.

I guess I should tell the good people who read my posts (ya'll, seriously, thank you) that the fic in topic is called Fault Lines by Recidiva on AO3. I would link to it but uhhhh I may be using my work PC for "extracurricular purposes" right this moment ^^; so maybe when I get home I'll remember to add it.

I skimmed it - like I said above - for the spicy parts. It generally follows the plot of Bioware's canon. Thane begins as possessive and manipulative, likely uncomfortably close to dub-con for a lot of people. He kisses her and knows full well that his kiss will make her willing but intoxicated, and how he will use that to fulfil himself. But as the story progresses, he falls in love. Their relationship is what I'll call "edgy." Both of them are renegades. There's a scene where they get down in the shuttle after a fight and they're both still injured and it borders on downright unrealistic but fuck it, it's fanfic and I bought it. However their relationship develops a certain heart-wrenching tenderness. She asks him what Siha means over and over again, and eventually tells him she thinks "bitch" when he says it. But in that moment they have a playful banter, he knows full well she's probably already looked it up on the extranet, and they fall into bed together. The smut is mind-boggling.

By the time it gets to Shepard's arrest, he's taken up a place on Earth and visits her, breaks into her house arrest. There's a scene where they see each other for the first time in a while, she tells him how much she's missed his mouth and how it's not right how bad she wants him, and wants him bad enough to smother him with affection. She says something to the effect of "if you're looking to die, I'd volunteer to be the cause," implying that her lust is powerful enough to endanger his life. And it was at this moment I realized I fucked up.

It's established that I live in my own headcanon and I'm not burdened with considering the end of Thane's life as part of my fics. And the suspension of disbelief was such that I forgot he doesn't make it. So at this moment in the fic, chapter 4 out of 5, I realized "Oh shit this isn't going to have a happy ending." I skipped to the end right away, I wanted to confirm my fears.

In their final exchange, she asks him to lie to her - something that's repeated in other chapters of the story. I forget what he says, I was reading desperately, but he asks her in return to tell him something true. She kisses him and tells him she loves him, and he breathes his last breath with the lingering tingle of their kiss to carry him to the other side.

I was so entrenched in the depth of their relationship up to that point. The level of fathomless love the author conveyed, unlike anything I've ever managed to write before, but more realistic to my own understanding of love as I've experienced it. Not because they're renegades, but just the selflessness with which they feel, communicate, banter, and make love.

When I read that last paragraph, something inside me broke. That sounds dramatic but that's honestly how I would describe it. It felt like waking up from a night terror, when you bolt up in bed from a dream so bad you immediately get up even if it's 4am because nothing feels real and you're so terrified you have to get up and do something - literally anything to take your mind off it, to ease you back into reality. I put my phone down and stared into the darkness of my bedroom and told myself "it's just a fanfic, no need to get upset." And then I started to cry and I didn't stop for 30 minutes.

My husband was downstairs watching Bohemian Rhapsody and I went down there and wrapped myself around him so tight and cried. Bless this man, from the bottom of my heart - bless him - for his unfathomable kindness. I felt like a fucking fool because I was crying over fanfiction but he paused his movie and just listened while I tried to articulate how it wasn't exactly about the character death, or the characters at all, it was just the writing and how it wormed into my brain so convincingly. I felt the loss like it was my own loss. I am terrified of losing my husband. So many feelings coalesced and I realized one day I may be in that situation, kissing the man I love goodbye for the last time, never to hold him again. I'm at work right now and I'm tearing up because it's so hard.

I tip my hat to the author, but I genuinely wished I hadn't read that fanfic. And isn't it kind of funny after that grandstand I took yesterday about not wanting to write the pain of loss and grief, that I ended up reading it instead and probably fucking myself up just as badly, if not worse, than if I had tried to write it myself?

It gets worse, too. Because it got me thinking about my own writing, and how I could never hope to achieve what that author did. So I sat there crying out my painfeelings while simultaneously feeling like a shit writer and like nothing I put out matters. I got up from the couch, sat down at my PC and picked up where I left off in the Omega DLC in ME3 because video games are great for taking the mind off things. It didn't exactly help with the intensity I'd hoped for, but I managed to fall asleep, by 3am.

Fast forward to this morning. I dragged my sorry ass out of bed 4 hours later and drove to work. By some fucking miracle, no one is here right now except our field director. And I'm stewing in how this one fic really fucked me up bad, reconsidering everything. I feel like I've been put in my place.

So what changed?

Yesterday I posted about how I'm struggling to write a plotline. I know what happens, but I'm not interested in the little bits that tie it together. I want to write the romance. I think there's a way to write the plot and the romance at the same time, but it's damn hard.

I started doing this because I wanted to grow my skills as a writer, and I knew it might be more than I could chew. I'm at that moment now where I'm about ready to give up.

Even if I felt like a shit writer last night (and still kinda do this morning), I know that the stuff I've put out has value. We can't all write these epically tragic smut-romance-renegades-to-lovers tales, we'd all be sad all the damn time. There's a time and a place and - I would argue - even a need for lighterhearted fic out there. There are really no rules. I'm confident in what I know how to do.

But the plot. Fuck it, man. I think maybe I'm trying too hard to be something I'm not. I'm trying really hard to write like other people. I may have mentioned before that I saw a post about how many artists spend their time pining for the skills of others, thinking "wow, when I can draw like that, I'll have made it as an artist." That same post cautioned against this, basically saying you already have your own unique style, it's just harder to see through the lens of your own eyeballs. It's fine to challenge yourself but try to acknowledge what you do that sets you apart already. I feel like I have that something - maybe not to the extent that I wish, but I have something.

So what's the point of the plot? Why do I need to tell my readers how I cured Keprals? I'm asking myself important questions here. I like to think I've come up with ideas that no one else has, but as I said above, I don't read a lot of chaptered fics. I very well may have come to the same ideas as other writers and I'm not even aware of it. I don't know if my ideas are unique but I still arrived at them all by myself.

The challenge here - the thing I'm struggling so much with - is how to put them together with the same elegance of my fellow writers. I'm looking at you, shrios fam (yeah I'm calling you that, yall know who you are). I know I can write words, but it's like I have a bunch of pieces from completely different jigsaw puzzles and I'm struggling to make a new picture out of them. I struggle with the transitions between them.

The point here is I have to find my own way. And I have to stop taking myself so seriously. In fact this level of "seriousness" is one of the things that got me into so much angst over World of Warcraft over the last two years. At least I know how to recognize it.

I have to find my own way. I have my own things that are worth sharing. The author I read last night had a language all their own, and I have a language all my own too. Their wordplay was actually more choppy than I would ever write. I've talked before about how I'm scared of starting too many sentences with pronouns, how I maybe write too many run-on sentences, whatever. This author did that with reckless abandon. It worked for them. So if they can make that shit work, I can make my own shit work.

I have to find my own way.

My most current WIP is Thane and Shepard's first time. I've been working on it pretty nonchalantly because I hadn't intended to publish it until I built up to it. It takes place further into my timeline, and it would probably ruin the point of a slow burn if I put it out there now. There are some really memorably moments in this WIP, and there are other moments that need to be smoothed over as well. I never knew what I'd really imagined for their first time but I think I've mostly developed something that's unique in its own right, and I think will be fun for people to read.

I'm just so fucking torn over what to do with it. I feel guilty for working on it. I should be writing "other shit" leading up to it but I don't fucking want to. I actually wrote probably 2-3k words this weekend, which is a pretty staggering amount by my standards. Some of it was for this smutty WIP and some was for something I just threw together, Thane observing Shepard on Horizon and the emotional toll it takes on her. He's seeing her humanity. I don't know if it's worth it to continue but I wrote a lot of it and the words are more precise than usual for a draft, I don't know. I have so much fucking insecurity. Fuck dude. I want to write this longfic, but I don't want to write it. I want to skim to the spicy bits like I always do.

I am wracked with insecurity, of my own making. I know what I can do but I feel compelled to see this idea through. Somehow I have to find my own way.

TLDR I feel like if I don't publish something soon I'm going to burst and I don't even know what the fuck to work on first and fjslfjsojoiejrj

I would be really down for, like, a bunch of hugs and a bowl of ice cream shared over memes and fanservice.

[yespleasetommyshelby]

Should've said no - Adam Ruzek imagine

Based on the song 'should've said no' by Taylor swift

Warnings: some strong language? No happy ending maybe?

-------

It's strange to think the songs we used to sing, the smiles, the flowers, everything, is gone... Yesterday I found out about you, even now just looking at you, feels wrong...

I frowned from my place at the kitchen table, looking over the pictures that littered the walls, not only in here but all over the apartment, the whiskey that sat on the side that I bought because he's never liked the wine I drink, the special coffee and the mugs that all reminded me of him which any other day would have me fighting the smile from my face, but today, today they made me feel sick.

'I'm sorry, this isn't the first time and I thought you should know.." accompanied by a picture of Adam and his ex Wendy, lips stuck together in time, an image that will be forever seared into my brain.

Memories of late night walks, our dates, the flowers he would bring me at work, the times where we'd ride in his car and sing lyrics at the top of our lungs with no care about just how bad we sounded, all gone. In the blink of an eye Adam had thrown our whole relationship out of the window for an 18 wheeler to demolish in seconds.

The door opening and closing forced my eyes open, the now cold cup of coffee mocking me as it sits there, the contents long forgotten about. Lifting my eyes to meet the figure stood in the kitchen door way I frowned and looked down.

How is that only yesterday I couldn't stop staring at the man I love, loved, and now just looking at him feels all kinds of wrong?

You say that you'd take it all back, given the one chance, it was a moment of weakness and you said yes...

"Hey babe." He spoke first, my eyes falling onto his lips as the pet name came, the simple word accompanied by the feeling of being punched in the stomach.

"Where was you Adam?" I asked calmly, wanting to see which excuse he'd use this time.

"The case ran over."

"I was with Jay and Kev."

"Helping my dad out."

"The case took a turn for the worst, the whole team had to stay late, I would've text but I didn't want to wake you." He spoke, calm and collected, small smile on his face, jerk.

"The whole team huh." I let out a small humourless laugh, of course he's got his excuses ready. "That's strange." I sighed faking slight confusion as I picked up my phone, pulling up the text that Kim had sent the night before.

"Yeah, been a long night." He shrugged heading over to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water.

"Oh I bet." I chuckled, shaking my head slightly as I slid the phone over the dining table for him to see. "I bet Wendy's exhausted." I growled, my anger washing over the faux-calm I was trying to maintain, finding slight amusement in the way his eyes widened and his face paled.

"Y/n.." he trailed off, putting my phone down on the table before running his hands over his face and through his hair, looking at me with nothing but guilt. "Listen, it was a mistake okay? A one time, stupid, immature mistake. She was just there and I'd had a couple drinks and I don't know, I don't know what to say other than it was just a moment of weakness." He rushed out, moving so he was stood next to me, taking my hands in his before I pulled them away and stood up from the chair, the force causing it to fall backwards onto the tiled ground with a bang.

You should've said 'no', you should've gone home, you should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go, you should've known that word, 'bout what you did with her would get back to me...

And I should've been there in the back of your mind, I shouldn't be asking myself why, you shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet, you should've said 'no', baby and you might still have me.

"A moment of weakness? Weakness? That's what you're excuse is? She fluttered her eyelashes and that was it, you was weak enough to throw everything we've ever had under a bus just for a little fun with an ex?" I raised my voice, not quite shouting yet as I know that the neighbours across the hall have young children.

"Yeah, I swear that's all there was to it." He started talking again, his words falling on deaf ears as the tears starting to build up along with the anger that has festered inside for the last 12 hours was making me see nothing but red.

"You should've said no Adam! You should've thought about me! About coming home to me! Was I even on your mind at all? Did you think of me once while you were out fucking her behind my back?!" I yelled, the thought of the children just moments ago gone as he stood looking at me with a small frown.

"What do you want me to say?" He sighed, pushing his hand through his hair for the hundredth time. "I made a mistake and I'm sorry!" He said quietly, or maybe it was at a normal volume and my mind was just fading out his words.

You can see that I've been crying, baby you know all the right things, to say, but do you, honestly, expect me to believe, that we could ever be the same?

You say that the past is the past, you need one chance, it was a moment of weakness and you said yes...

"Do you know how badly you've hurt me?" I asked, my shoulders dropping as the first of the tears started to fall. "I know what I look like Adam, I know you can see that I've spent all night crying over you, how you broke me." I finished with a whisper, shaking my head slightly at how ridiculous the whole situation was.

"Baby no, don't cry, please." He pleaded, his voice shaky as he came over and wrapped his arms around me, leaving me to cry into his chest. "I know I fucked up, and I fucked up so badly and I can never, ever, apologise to you enough for it to make it okay, but the past is in the past, just give me one chance. One chance to prove that I can be the man you need me to be, I'll do anything to prove to you just how much I love you y/n, please." He whispered, resting his head on mine as he sniffed quietly. "I'll get you all the flowers I can carry, the fancy dinners, jewellery, we can get married and have kids and have the life I know you've wanted since you were younger, you've just gotta give me one last chance." He finished his speech by giving me a slight squeeze, his arms hugging my waist as though I'd disappear if he let go, which wasn't exactly wrong.

"No, Adam." I mumbled shaking my head and pulling out of his hold, taking a couple steps back so his arms fell to his sides. "I'm not stupid, I know that this isn't the first time it's happened, and I'm not naive enough to assume that it would be the last either." I sighed, crossing my arms across myself in attempt to hold myself together.

"You know, you really do have all the right things to say don't you, talking about getting married, having kids, but do you honestly expect me to believe that we could ever be the same after this? After you broke my trust and my heart all in the space of one night, I don't think I can ever look at you the same way again." I spoke with confidence, ignoring the slight shake in my voice as I narrowed my eyes at the guilt ridden man in front of me.

You should've said no, you should've gone home, you should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go. You should've known that word, 'bout what you did with her, would get back to me.

And I should've been there in the back of your mind, I shouldn't be asking myself why, you shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet, you should've said no, baby and you might still have me...

"Please y/n!" His sudden yelled made me jump slightly, watching as he started to pace the length of the kitchen. "What do you want me to say for you to believe me? To believe that it was a mistake that I regret! You want me to beg? I'll get on my knees and beg you for the rest of my life!" He sounded frustrated as he suddenly turned and dropped to his knees infront of me, his hands folded together as though he was praying. "Please y/n, don't give up on me, on us, just yet." He whispered, his tear filled eyes shining into mine, my heartbreaking ever so slightly more as he did.

"It's not going to fix anything Adam." I sighed turning away from him for a second to compose myself. "You shouldn't have to beg me Adam, you just should've said no, you should've told her that I was waiting for you and came back, to me!" I cried, wiping at my cheeks only for new tears to replace the old ones. "If you would've just said no then maybe you might still have me." I whispered as I walked out of the kitchen and into the bedroom, where I'd left his bags that I had packed at 3am this morning.

I can't resist, before you go tell me this, was it worth it? Was she, worth it?

"Y/n... please.." I heard him beg from behind me, ignoring him I pushed past with the bags in my hand and dropped them by the front door.

"Goodbye Adam." I whispered sadly, making my way back into the kitchen, pausing in the doorway and looking back to where Adam stood silently staring at his bags in the hall.

"Was it worth it?" I asked suddenly, his head snapping up to me as of surprised to hear my voice again. "Losing everything we had? Was she worth it?" I clarified, putting emphasis on the 'she'.

"You know she wasn't." He muttered sadly, shaking his head. "Nothing is worth losing you." He sighed, rubbing his jaw as he looked back down at his bags.

"Yet you've lost me anyway." I whispered sadly, a lone tear running down my face which I hastily wiped away as Adam picked up his bags before opening the front door.

"I love you, y/n, and no matter what I always will." He said, looking back over his shoulder with a small, sad smile on his face.

"Bye, Adam." I whispered looking down to the ground, leaving him to make his own way out.

As soon as I heard the lock of the door click into place signalling it's locked I dropped to the ground, knees up against my chest with my head low, my arms pulling my knees closer to me as I let myself sob for my own broken heart.

You should've said no, baby and you might still have me...

----

Feel free to send in any requests 😁🥰

[lauraashley93]

Please Stay

Just a little something based off the song, If I’m James Dean by Sleeping with Sirens.

Warnings: slight angst? Fluff. Just, all of the things.

Coco and reader just in their feelings.

————————————————————

You were laying in your bed trying to let sleep over come you. You thought it would be easy since your eyes hurt so bad from crying but here you were at 3am still wide awake thinking about him and the fight you two just had hours earlier.

Coco and you had been together for 8 months now. You had met through Letty. You were her tutor and you don’t know how or when it exactly happened but you had fallen for the rebel Mayan, Johnny “Coco” Cruz. You both were polar opposites but there was something about him that just captivated you. His bad boy look, his smell, that accent, but really his heart. He could put on that tough hard guy act all day long but the Coco you knew was caring, dedicated, loving and you had thought, loyal.

—Earlier that day—

You’d thought that things had been going good but the last two weeks he had been going on runs and although you knew that they could take a lot of his time and he’d be gone for days at a time all you wanted was a couple texts, not even phone calls just texts letting you know he was okay. Maybe you were asking too much? You didn’t think so until tonight. For whatever reason the three days Coco was gone you hadn’t heard from him at all. You didn’t even know he was back until you came to the clubhouse to drop chucky off some left over roast you had. You noticed all the bikes were there, even Coco’s. Your brows furrowed together. You shrugged it off thinking maybe they had just got back?

You got out of your car and started your walk to the club house. You seen Angel on the front stairs and he smiled when he seen you. You and Angel had a pretty good friendship since you met Coco. He always said you were what Coco needed, although you were starting to doubt that. He got up to greet you.

“Hey mami. I didn’t know you were stopping by. Why ain’t you been around?

“Hey Angel. What do you mean? Didn’t you guys just get back?”

Realization hit Angel when he figured out Coco didn’t tell you they got back. “Ah, no, Querida we got back two days ago. He didn’t tell you?” You shook your head as you started to feel the tears prickle your eyes. You blinked them away and swallowed hard. “Excuse me.” You walked past Angel without another word. You walked into the club house and there sat the love of your life. At the table with some hang around whore draped over his shoulder.

“So Is THIS the reason you didn’t tell me you were back or text me at all? You’d rather be with her?”

Coco’s head snapped up and he stood up fast pushing the blonde bitch away.

“Y/n what.. what are you doing here?” Coco looked at you. Seeing the sadness in your eyes hurt him.

“I was bringing Chucky some left overs but now I’m wondering why the FUCK you are acting like you ain’t got someone at home waiting for your ass.”

Coco was freaking out on the inside. You all hadn’t told each other I love you, yet but he figured out with all these runs and being away from you he knew he loved you and wanted to be with you forever. Problem was his family history and his personal ways were fighting him. You deserved better and he was afraid he was going to fuck everything up. So maybe he was just avoiding the inevitable.

“You’re my girlfriend not a fucking parole officer. I ain’t gotta tell you everything mami. So just calm down and quit being so fucking needy.”

Tears of anger were falling down your cheek and you clicked your tongue and nodded.

“Noted. Excuse me for just wanting to know you were safe. Hope your new friend here loves you more than I do!” You bit your tongue. Did you? What.. your mind was spazzing as everyone looked at you. Your face instantly turned red as you realized you blurted out the “L” word.. Coco’s mouth gaped open. He looked like he wanted to say something but he didn’t. So, you did the only thing you could think of. You ran. You ran as fast as you could to your car and drove off.

————————-

Present time

Stay for tonight If you want to I can show you What my dreams are made of As I'm dreaming of your face I've been away for a long time Such a long time And I miss you there I can't imagine being anywhere else

So here you were. Trying to find sleep and to put this awful day away. Coco hadn’t tried calling or texting you and you figured that, that was answer enough to your nagging question if he felt the same about you.

-knock knock knock-

Your brows furrowed and you decided to ignore it. You weren’t in the mood to deal with anyone. Then you heard the door unlock and open. You were worried at first grabbing for the bat you kept under your bed until you heard him.

“Y/n? Mami where are you?” You didn’t move. You felt your heart beating out of your chest as you heard him come down the hallway. He stopped at your room and opened the door. His heart breaking when he saw you. Knowing he was the reason for the red eyes and tears. He stood at the doorway.

How the hell did you ever pick me? Honestly, I could sing you a song But I don't think words can express your beauty It's singing to me.

He slowly made his way to the bed and sat down beside you. He sighed as he just stared at the floor. “I know, I know what you think and I swear. I didn’t do shit with her. I’m not good wit this emotion shit querida. Being away from you these past couple weeks it made me realize shit that honestly fucking scares me.” You looked up at him with tears in your eyes as you waited for him to continue.

“I got to thinking how I am so fucking lucky to have you. How I could possibly explain to you what you mean to me. I ‘ave been trying to figure out how to say this shit since you left. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

It goes to show, I hope that you know that you are What my dreams are made of... I'll fall in love, you'll fall in love It could mean everything, everything to me I can't imagine being anywhere else

“You are everything I could ever want, mami. You make, you make me wanna be so much better than I am and I can’t imagine myself with anyone else and I’m sorry you thought I’d choose some other girl, some worthless hang around over you.” He grabs your hands and looks deep into your eyes as if he’s trying to project all his feelings with words and emotion. You loved this man and even though everything he was saying made your stomach fill up with butterflies he still hadn’t said what you wanted, no needed, him to say.

They say that love is forever Your forever is all that I need.

“I am afraid. I’m afraid that I’m gonna fuck all this up and make you run for the hills and I don’t think my heart can take that. Because y/n I’m in love with you. I realized that while we were apart and I wanted to tell you but I just, fuck, I don’t know mami. You could do so much better. I can’t give you what you deserve, I can’t promise that shit won’t get crazy but I promise I will always be here and that I will fucking love you with everything I have in me. All I can do is hope that’s enough to make you wanna stay with me baby.”

Please stay as long as you need Can't promise that things won't be broken But I swear that I will never leave Please stay forever with me.

You were ugly crying now. There it was, what you had been waiting for. You were so worried he didn’t feel the same about you. You know he was waiting for you to respond but you were so in awe of this man in front of you. You didn’t know how to respond so you leaned forward and kissed him. Grabbing his hair and pulling him close. He cupped your face gently deepening the kiss. You slowly pulled away but left your forehead resting against his. You wiped away at the tears on your cheek as you smiled.

The way that we are It's the reason I stay As long as you're here with me I know we'll be okay

“Mr. Cruz you are the reason for my existence at this point. You’re all that I want. I know things won’t be perfect but I love you and I’m here for everything. I don’t care what that intitles. I signed on for this and I’m here. Your love is all I could ever ask for. As long as I have you I have more than enough and all I could ever want. I want to spend my life with you, as long as you’ll have me.”

Coco gleamed at you. He knew you were gonna be the one to make him settle down. Letty loved you, he loved you and he couldn’t picture anyone more perfect than this amazing woman sitting right in front of him. He kissed you again leaning you back against the bed.

“I’ll have you forever, y/n.” He kissed you softly “but mami?” He pulled away and You hmmd against the skin of his neck leaving soft kisses against it. “If you ever call me Mr. Cruz again, I’m gonna have to punish you.” You giggled “I don’t think that sounds like such a bad thing, Mr. Cruz.”

Coco raised his eyebrow as you bit your bottom lip, a mischievous look in your eye. He smirked.

“Oh, you’re gonna regret that challenge querida.”

“Bet.”

——————-

They say that love is forever Your forever is all that I need Please stay as long as you need Can't promise that things won't be broken But I swear that I will never leave Please stay forever with me

@angelreyesgirl @auroraariza @spookys-girl @trulysuccubus @stunning-shitz @rosieposie0624 @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @skyofficialxx @strawberrywritings @bucky-iss-bae @miss-nori85 @cind-in-real-life @deeandbobbymcgee @starrynite7114 @louisianalady @itsjaybeast @-im-fantastic- @justatiredfool

[youngbloodlisk]

Worth It // Kim Sunwoo Model AU

Chapter 1

chapter genre: angst, fluff

(note: sunwoo does not appear in the series yet)

Emotionless, numb, and yet full of every feeling possible.

That's what packing up my stuff feels like.

That's what leaving what has been my home since age 15 feels like.

That's what being unsure of my future and career feels like.

I carefully place a designer shirt, a pink one from a shoot last year which they allowed me to keep, into the hanging clothing bag.

I zip up the bag and push it against the others.

Okay, that takes care of the clothes.

I turn away from the closet, looking around my room.

Photos litter the walls, some in frames, some stuck on with a piece of tape, and some held up with a thumbtack.

While I have a few of my magazine issues in the boxes by the door, previously displayed on my bookshelf, none of these photos are professional.

These are Polaroids, photo booths, and cell phone photos. The likes of those.

These don't document my career, they document my life. My friends, my adventures, my travels (although, those trips are credited to my job).

I feel as though I could cry again, but I've cried so much in the past week. I think I'm out of tears now.

"You want some help? That's a lot of photos to take with you." My best friend's voice comes from the doorway.

"I wanna leave them... I don't wanna have to take them anywhere. I don't wanna go anywhere."

Juyeon enters my room and wraps his arms around me from behind, going just slightly on his toes to rest his chin on my head.

"I know you don't. Neither do I. But it'll be okay."

"You don't know that."

"Sure, I do. You'll find a new company faster than you can blink. Have you checked your business email? You may have some offers already. The news is already out that Imaginary Parties is bankrupt, I'm sure other agencies are itching to snag you up."

"That's a nice thought, Ju... But I wanna stay here. This very room. I've lived here for 6 years. I've worked with the same people for 6 years. It's not easy to leave it all."

Juyeon puts his feet flat on the ground and moves his head so it's resting against mine, his lips next to my ear.

"I know." He whispers sweetly.

We stay silent and frozen in our position, besides some swaying back and forth.

He knows all I need is comfort right now.

He always knows what I need, and what I don't need. That's why he's my best friend.

He joined Imaginary Parties Modeling Agency when I was 18 and he was 20. We immediately clicked.

He's been my best friend, my second half, for almost 3 years, and that's part of what scares me the most about Imaginary Parties coming to an end.

I'll probably barely, if ever, see Juyeon.

When I join another agency, and he joins another agency, and our schedules mix about as well as oil and water...

I may only see him on magazine covers and advertisements.

I don't know what I'll do without Lee Juyeon by my side.

"You'll be okay." It's only when he responds that I realize I had mumbled my last thought out loud. "We'll be okay. Who knows, maybe we'll end up at the same place?"

"Not likely."

"With as many shoots as we've done together, it's probably more likely than you think! Hey..." He lets go of me and turns me around to look into his deep, genuine, caring eyes. "Everything is gonna be okay. You have me here?" He points to my heart, and I roll my eyes at his cheesiness.

"Yes, Ju."

"And I have you here." He places his hand on his own heart. "No matter what happens, we have each other. Right?"

"Ju, what if-"

"Right?"

I feel a tear escape my eye, and Juyeon carefully wipes it away with his thumb.

"Right."

He pulls me into a tight hug.

I know he's trying to tell me he loves me.

-----------

Juyeon holds my hand and walks with me to my car.

We just finished packing our stuff into our cars, mine first and then his.

I can feel something start to bubble up in me again. Juyeon senses my mood change.

"You better text me when you get home. I'll do the same. And I keep telling you to check your email! We should compare our offers. Maybe someone reached out to both of us and we'll be back together in an agency a lot faster than you're thinking. And even if we aren't, you know I'm gonna text you constantly. I'll annoy you to death and you'll love it."

I can't help but chuckle.

"You always know what to say, don't you?"

"Only with you." He opens my car door for me before giving me one last hug.

"Have fun in Gwangju. Be safe traveling."

He's about to travel back to his family to visit while he works out a new agency, leaving me in Seoul without him for at least three weeks.

"I will. Again, text me when you get home! I need to know you made it safe."

"I know, I know. I will. I'll see you sometime, Ju."

"I'll see you as soon as possible." He kisses my forehead.

Again, I know that's another way he tells me he loves me without actually saying it.

He let's go of my hand and begins to walk away, heading toward his own car packed full of stuff.

I sigh and repress my tears before getting in my car and driving away from Imaginary Parties for the last time, never to return.

-----------

My phone wakes me up in the middle of the night. I blink my eyes to try to focus on the name on my screen

Lee Juyeon

"Waking me up? He better be alone and stuck in a ditch..."

I swipe across the screen and press the speaker button, far too tired to hold a phone up to my ear right now.

"Ju, it's 3am. Are you okay?"

"I should be asking you that! You never text me or called me that you got home safe! At first, I assumed it was just because of service, but nothing ever came through! You did make it home okay, right?"

His extreme concern is both annoying and endearing.

"Yes, Ju. I'm home, in my room, in my bed, previously asleep. And you made it okay?" I rub my face, trying to actually listen and comprehend his answer.

"Yeah, I just got here. Travel wasn't as fast and smooth as anticipated, but I made it."

"That's great. I miss you already, Ju. Can I please sleep now and tell you more about how much I miss you tomorrow?"

"You better. Don't forget this time!" The phone beeps, telling me that he did me the favor of hanging up.

I don't even bother to put my phone back on the nightstand. My hand goes limp as I rapidly fall into sleep and the phone slips out of my grip, without me noticing or caring.

-----------

"What did I tell you? I told you! I told you like... at least twenty times. I knew it! I-"

"Ok, ok, Juyeon, I get it. You were right."

"Can you say that again and let me turn on my laptop screen record this time?"

"Absolutely not."

"Are you gonna accept it?"

"Are you?"

"If you are."

"Well, I'm only going to accept if Juyeon accepts."

"I accept!"

"Then... so do I..."

It begins to set in.

The same agency reached out to both me and Juyeon, Worth It Modeling.

Home to some of the biggest models in the business, and they want us.

Both of us.

We're gonna work together again.

We're gonna live together again.

"Can you believe that we're gonna work with the likes of Ju Haknyeon and Ji Changmin? And Lee Sangyeon? And Choi Chanhee!" Juyeon starts to fanboy over his favorite models.

When I say favorites, I mean he collects all their issues. And displays them better than he displays his own.

"Aw, little Juyeon finally gets to show off his shrine!"

"It is NOT a shrine! And I'll probably keep them in the closet if I'm working with these guys... it's a little weird to have my own co-workers' magazines on stands on a bookshelf..."

I laugh with him, feeling my worries and sadness begin to lift off my shoulders.

Sure, I'm gonna miss Imaginary Parties a lot, but at least I get to work with Juyeon. Not to mention, I'll also be working with some of the best models in Korea being at Worth It.

Maybe everything will be okay.

-----------

"What about the bookshelf stuff?" I pick up a heavy box and drop it carefully onto the bed.

Juyeon purses his lips and opens the box to look at exactly what's inside.

"It can probably all go up on the new bookshelf. But leave the magazine stands in the box, just store the magazines like normal."

I chuckle slightly, remembering the reason he wants me to exclude the stands from the new bookshelf set-up.

Juyeon goes back to organizing his clothes into his closet, and I grab a stack of books from the box to start on the bookshelf.

As I'm sliding books onto the shelf side-by-side, I hear someone enter the room and immediately Juyeon drops something on his foot and cries out in pain.

My attention is drawn to him, but it appears he's okay. Once I see who had walked into the room, I'm no longer confused by the sudden clumsiness.

I have to keep myself from laughing as Juyeon tries to avoid staring at Choi Chanhee, who is going through the other closet to find a jacket.

The irony is anything but lost on me that Juyeon happens to be roomies with his favorite model.

The moment Chanhee leaves the room, Juyeon looks at me with the most shocked expression I've seen on his face in my entire life.

"That's gotta be a joke."

"Good luck, Ju. You're gonna need it."

"Trade with me."

"You realize the name next to my name on my door belongs to a girl?"

"You realize I don't care?"

"No, Juyeon. You just need to learn to not cry every time you see his face."

"I never cry!" Juyeon protests my accusations, knowing I'm right.

"Last year's December issue of NewShot said otherwise."

He rolls his eyes.

"Whatever..."

We both get back to work, when suddenly the silence is broken after about five minutes.

"They put him in a long skirt with red eyeshadow and they painted his nails green, what was I supposed to do? Not cry?"

[httpsfelicity]

“In a black dress, she’s such an actress” - Harry Styles × Model Reader AU (Part 2/?)

Summary - Harry meets a model downtown and falls for her quickly, leading the public to think that it’s a pr stunt. Unsure of what to think, the reader plays along, not knowing that Harry is unaware of the rumours.

For @cruizmanadu, @stephaniemalvie!, @kissessfordraco Xx

A/N - Part two! Thank you sooo much for the feedback on part one, I never expected it! Glad you guys like it so far. If you haven’t read part one, click here x Once again, if you’d like a part 3 / have suggestions / ect, just send a DM or ask! Here you go babessss :) 

Harry Styles: Hi

Y/n <3: Hi

Harry Styles: Why are you awake, it’s 3am?

Y/n <3: I could ask you the same thing, you messaged me first!

Harry Styles: You’re right. What’s up?

Y/n <3: Watching TV, you?

Harry Styles: Not much. Listening to The Beatles, y’know, normal night things.

Y/n <3: Never really got around to listening to them personally

Harry Styles: Omg reported and BLOCKED.

Y/n <3: Omg noooooo come back 

Harry Styles: Kiddinggggggg, but I have to make you listen to one of their albums sometime

Harry Styles: Are you free tomorrow?

Y/n <3: I have a shoot all day. I’m free the next day tho

Harry Styles: We could maybe do something then? The park?

Harry Styles: Unless you have a better idea, of course

Y/n <3: No that sounds great! What time?

Harry Styles: 7?

Y/n <3: Sure! :)

Harry Styles: Now, GO TO SLEEP!

Y/n <3: Only if you do!

Harry Styles: Okayyyy, goodnight!

Y/n <3: Goodnight!

Seen: 3:14am

As you crawled into bed, a feeling of satisfaction spread through you. He wanted to spend more time with you - that ought to be a good sign, right? “Maybe this could work out, after all,” was the last thing you thought before you fell asleep.

The next day was the usual whirlwind of events that occurred every shoot day - wake up early, take a cab over to the location (That particular day’s mystery place happened to be an old art studio), take another cab with some assigned lady to get you ready, another cab back to the location, then a whole day of photos. It was all a blur to you, so when the head of the whole operation thanked you at the end of the day, you were glad it was all over. Of course you adored your job, but considering the amount of sleep you’d gotten last night (Which, by the way, you did not regret one bit) you were thankful that in 45 minutes you’d be fast asleep.

What you did not expect, however, was for that little power nap to turn into a full 14 hours. By the time you woke up the next day, it was the crack of 11am. You sat up frantically, taking in your surroundings. You were still wearing your street clothes - jeans and a blouse - and a quick glance in the mirror revealed you hadn’t taken off your extravagant makeup, either. Trust me, it was not a pretty sight. You scrambled for your phone, and aside from all of the usual twitter notifications, DM requests, and messages from Ella and Harry (Which you were over the moon about), you noticed that you had 4 missed calls. From, none other than Harry.

You quickly clicked on his contact and dialed up his number. After a few rings, he picked up.

“Hi!” He said cheerfully.

“Hey,” you laughed. “Why did you call me? Four times, to be exact?”

“Just wanted to make sure we were still on for tonight. But then I got worried when you didn’t answer, so I called again to make sure everything was alright.”

“And again, and again.”

“Correct,” he laughed.

“Rough photoshoot. I was exhausted, and it wasn’t all that exciting. By the time I got home, I was asleep. Literally. I slept for 14 hours straight.”

Harry laughed so hard on the other end that you had to move your phone away from your ear for a couple of seconds so he could calm down. “Oh, wow, I... well, I guess it’s not that funny. That’s awful. You should’ve gotten more sleep the night before!”

“I would’ve, but somebody just had to message me at 3am!”

Cue another round of laughter. “Oh my god... look, I’m sorry, I really am! I didn’t know you had to wake up so early. I won’t message you so late into the night anymore, I promise.”

“Don’t promise that! I quite liked it. Besides, all of those shoots are the same. Nothing worth remembering, if you ask me.”

“Alright, alright, fine. But are we still on for later? If you’re still tired, we can reschedule...”

“No! After twice the amount of sleep I usually get, I feel like I could run a marathon. Seven?”

“Yup.”

“Okay. Gives me enough time to adjust myself to reality.”

This sent both of them into bouts of laughter.

“Alright, well, I’ve gotta go, but I’ll see you then?”

“You’ve got it! Bye!”

“Bye! And for the love of god try not to fall asleep this time, yeah?” He cracked himself up.

“I’ll try!” You replied as you hung up. You sighed, smiled, and then leaned against your headboard, though not for long. You had things to do - number one, get a shower.

Flash forward a few hours, and you were all set. You were wearing a pair of jeans and a blouse, similar to yesterday’s outfits, just with less smeared makeup and bedhead. You had even managed to listen to a few albums while you were doing your hair. You quickly ate a salad for supper, confirmed the meeting spot with Harry, then headed out the door.

You arrived 10 minutes early, and to your surprise, Harry was already there again. 

“How did you get here before me?” You laughed as you walked up to him. “I left even earlier than last time, specifically to race you!”

“Oh, I have my ways,” he grinned. “So, would you like to know what I have planned?” 

“Enlighten me,” you prompted as you began walking past the bushes and flowerbeds with him, admiring his bold, light purple flared pants and white top.

“Well, first we walk through the park. Then, I have a reservation booked for La Sedbe Hyudge. If that sounds okay to you, that is.”

La Sedbe Hyudge was one of the most exclusive clubs in New York. Reservations were crazy expensive, and that’s not including the price of the food and drinks.

“Oh, Harry, you really didn’t ha-”

“No, no, don’t worry about it. The reservation’s already made; there’s no turning back now,” he laughed.

You laughed along with him. “Well, we can just split the final bill.”

“No,”

“But-”

“Don’t worry about it!” 

You sighed. “Okay,” you finally agreed. “Well, anyways, tonight sounds like it will be great fun. Thank you.”

Harry nodded, looking around. You had to admit it, the scenery of the park was very nice. The gardener(s) here must be paid awfully well.

“So, I listened to Fine Line.”

Harry perked up. “Oh?”

“It was - and I’m not just saying this because I li- we’re friends - but it was incredible. I’ve never heard anything like it.”

Harry was trying to hide his smile, but he was failing miserably. “Well, that’s good,” he concluded nonchalantly. 

“No, really! I have Golden stuck in my head. It’s beautiful. And don’t even get me started on Lights Up.”

“You didn’t see the music video, did you?”

“..Yeah?”

“Oh, wow.”

“It was ARTSY!” You laughed, Harry clearly getting embarrassed. “No, in all honestly, it was great.”

“Well, I’m glad you think that,” he smiled. “I wish I could say the same to you, but you don’t sing, obviously.”

“Not my forte, honestly. I was in choir in elementary, but that’s pretty much it. Never really had any interest in the preforming arts. No offense.”

“None taken. I’ve always liked singing, but I didn’t think I’d pursue it as a career. I was very happy at my old job, thank you very much.”

“What was your old job?”

“...”

“...”

“I used to work in a bakery.”

“No way!” “That’s adorable,” you thought as the two of you rounded a corner of the path.

“Yes way! Not to brag, but I was very good at making cinnamon rolls.”

“Now, isn’t that something.”

“That’s not all - macaroons.”

“Oh my god, marry me.”

You continued goofing off for the rest of the walk. You talked about Netflix shows and whether Summer or Winter was the superior season in the taxi, and the best way to make Kraft dinner on the sidewalk. By the time you walked into the restaurant and sat down, you were discussing the importance of a good facemask.

“I don’t know. I just can’t believe you do them.”

“I can’t believe you don’t.”

“Why should I?”

“Do you want me to go over the health benefits again?”

You sighed. “No. I just do not have the patience.”

“For me to explain it again or facemasks in general?”

You smiled. “Both.”

Harry laughed rather loudly, gaining a few odd looks from some stuck-up diners. “You’re lucky you’re cute, y/n.”

Before you could respond, a waiter walked over to your table. “And what could I get for the couple this evening?” He asked.

You and Harry looked at eachother and tried to supress laughter.

“Well, I don’t know about my husband here,” you start, looking over at Harry with a grin. He’s staring back at you and you are positive that he’s gonna blow it at any second, but you decide to keep going, “But I’ll have a glass of red wine.”

“Whatever you want, dear, so I guess I’m driving,” Harry shrugged. “I will have water, please.”

The waiter nodded. “I’ll be right back.”

 As soon as he was out of earshot, the two of you burst out laughing.

“That.. was.... amazing!” Said Harry between laughs.

“I know right!” You agreed. “We have to keep it going all night.”

“YES,” he nodded as a group of teenage girls walked past the table, also laughing uncontrollably.

Then, the waiter returned. “For the lady,” he said as he placed down a glass of  wine. You immediately picked it up and took a sip. 

“For the main course, I’ll have the steak, please,” said Harry in his very-best fancy voice.

“I too,” you said, giggling and taking another sip.

The waiter nodded and headed back to the kitchen. The two of you laughed again. 

Just then, you felt your phone buzz in your purse. “It’s probably nothing,” you thought, choosing to ignore it. But then it went off again. And again. And again.

“You should probably get that,” said Harry, looking at your bag.

“Nah, it’s probably nothing.”

“Alright. I gotta run to he bathroom, and then I’m gonna order a drink for myself, okay?”

“Okay,” you said as you watched him get up. “Bring me back a glass too!”

You watched him walk over to the mens room. Your phone buzzed. He pushed open the door. Your phone buzzed. The door shut behind him. You reached down and pulled out your phone.

Ella: Oh my god

Ella: Y/n

Ella: Where are you right now

Ella: Are you with anybody?

Ella: ?????

Ella: Y/N

Ella: CHECK UR PHONE

You quickly typed up a response, although you were confused as to why she was so worried all of a sudden.

Y/n: I’m at the Sedbe Hyudge with Harry, why?

Ella: *Sent a set of photos*

Ella: Check twitter for more.

You clicked on the photos. The first was a screenshot of an update account, saying that you and Harry were in the park. Then, another tweet from the same account, saying you were at this restaurant. Then, photos of you in the park. And then, photos of you at the restaurant. Under that were screenshots of twitter users.

@Cocopopstyles: I just want Harry to take me on a date like he does with y/n, is that TOO MUCH TO ASK. They’re TOO CUTE.

@Y/nxxxxstyles: ANOTHER WIN FOR THE SHIPPERS THEY’RE AT THE SEDBE HYUDGE DHHHVDHBDCHUDB YES

@HSDaily: Ew lmfao she’s so ugly PLS 

@Stylessssmaple: “I ain’t saying she’s a golddigger, but she ain’t messing with no broke....”

@LaylaHoran: I heard that they were talking to the waiter like they’re an actual couple. A few girls overheard it, idk their @’s tho.

@LarryStylinsonobvs replying to @LaylaHoran: Really?? Omg that’s pretty quick tbh. Weren’t they first seen together days ago?

@LaylaHoran replying to @LarryStylisonobvs: Yeah apparently. Idk what’s going on. Is she a PR stunt or not???

@LarryStylinsonobvs replying to @LaylaHoran: Not to be a bluegreener but she could be a beard... we’ve gotten so much content from them in the past 72 hours like.... are u gonna tell me there’s no contract in there at all?????

@Y/nsflowers: Y/n looks so good in the new pap photos pLEASE MARRY ME MA’AM.

@Y/L/Nsummertime: Y/n is over lmfao can she please cut the bullshit. Wbk she’s in it for the money. The job, the PR stunts, the boyfriend...

@TheDailyPoolsideNews: Model y/n and ex-boyband star spotted out in the town! Will this be the next Hollywood snoozefest?

There was more, but Harry was already back at the table, carrying two glasses and setting them down, smiling. All of a sudden, you had this really sick feeling. You couldn’t look him in the eyes. You took your drink as he sat down. Not wanting to say anything in case it ruined the night, you took a sip and put your phone back in your purse.

“Everything alright?”

You looked up. “Yeah.”

Harry stared at you. You stared back jokingly, trying to break the tension. Harry’s phone started ringing. “Oops,” he frowned, “thought I turned this off...”

“You can take it, it’s okay. I checked my phone before. Plus, I need to use the washroom.”

“Okay,” he smiled as you stood up, smiling back. As you were walking away, you heard him talking to whoever was on the other end of the line. “Hey, Nial- what? No, I am, why-”

You pushed into the womens room and locked yourself in a stall. “What the hell is going on?”

You sit there for a few minutes, trying to collect your thoughts and give Harry some time to finish his conversation. Someone had seen the two of you at the park and in the restaurant, so what? Some people liked you, and some people didn’t. Okay, that’s understandable. Some people hated you. That’s fine, you don’t care. But people still think you and Harry are a PR stunt. This is only your second date! And it’s not eve a date! It’s just a... you put your head in your hands, then sit up, not wanting to smudge your mascara. You reach for your phone, only to remember you left it in your purse, which was currently on the floor next to your chair next to Harry. God.

And, to make matters worse, he had gotten a phonecall and from what you had heard when you were walking away, he sounded worried. Perfect! That was probably his management. Or, better yet, one of his friends doing the same thing Ella had done to you. Suddenly, you jumped up and walked back out to the table. He was fiddling around with his napkin. When he saw you, his face lit up. You didn’t buy it.

“Hi, sorry, it was just one of my friends. He wanted to t-”

“Oh, it’s fine,” you said, politely cutting him off.

Harry was taken back by this, but not for long. He wasn’t fazed easily. “Oh, okay. That’s good. Sorry for taking so long. Oh, and I don’t want this anymore, so if you want it, you can fill yours up. Otherwise, I’m just gonna give it to the waiter when he comes back.”

You never drank too much. You knew three glasses would be awful for you. But you took his and filled yours up, because “I don’t want to waste anything. This place is so expensive.”

Soon after, the waiter dropped off your meals. Harry was speaking less, more unsure of himself than before, but you didn’t notice. You made polite small talk, but it wasn’t like your antics from before. Yet when you were leaving, you did not split the bill. Harry still paid.

When you walked outside, it was dark. You hadn’t expected it. You laughed. Harry laughed. “Let’s wait over here for a taxi, yeah?”

You nodded and followed him. You sat on a bench. Harry messaged somebody. You swung your feet a little. Harry took a call. You stayed seated, watching people walk by. Harry came back over and helped you walk to the taxi, arm around your back. You tried to tell him you didn’t need his help, but he didn’t listen. 

Harry gave the taxi driver his address. You gave him yours, but he didn’t listen. You spoke up again, but Harry told you not to worry; you could spend the night with him. You nodded.

Harry helped you out of the taxi. You didn’t fight back. You tried to pay for the taxi, but he wouldn’t take your money. You held his hand as you walked through the doors of his apartment building, got in the elevator, got to his apartment. He sat you down on the couch and went off to his room. He came back shortly after.

“I don’t have any pyjamas for you.”

“Why would I need pyjamas?” You laughed a little, and then a lot.

Harry smiled. He went back to his room and came back with a shirt still wrapped in plastic and a bag.

“Here. The bathroom is over there. There’s makeup wipes on the counter.” He helped you up and you walked over. 

“Why do you have makeup wipes? Do you wear makeup?”

“Yep!” Said Harry. “Just turn the lock to the left. It’s tricky sometimes, try it a few times if it doesn’t work, yeah?”

“That’s so cool, can you show me your makeup sometime?”

“Yep! Maybe after you get your pyjamas on.”

“Really?”

“Mmhm!”

You shut the door and turned the lock, though you doubted you’d need it. You took off your fancy clothes and put on a pair of brand new too-big black sweatpants and a too-big pink t-shirt. Why did you need pyjamas again? Harry hadn’t answered. He wasn’t sending you home in pyjamas, was he? Uh oh.

You walked out. Harry was in the kitchen. “Do you need anything?”

“A drink.”

“Water?”

“Wine, dummy.” You cracked up at this.

“You’ve already had more than enough. C’mon, let’s go to the living room.” He grinned. 

“Whyyyyyy?”

Harry smiled patiently. “C’mon, y/n. We can watch a movie or something.”

“Okay. Wait - can I just have orange juice instead?”

“Of course.” He grabbed a can of juice and then walked into the living room. You followed. There were pillows and blankets on the couch, and Disney+ was set up.

“Ooou, fancy,” you laughed.

Harry crawled under the blankets. You did too. He laughed. So did you. Why were you even upset with him in the first place? You couldn’t remember. Harry grabbed the remote and turned on some show you’ve never heard of before. The Mandalorian, whatever that was. You leaned your head on Harry’s shoulder. It wasn’t even boring - why were you falling asleep? 

Harry closed his eyes - he was tired, too, but for different reasons. You listened to his breathing get slower. You held him tightly. You held him back. 

“Friends don’t hold friends that way,” you thought to yourself. “But who cares?”

You fell asleep. So did he.

You forgot about the stunt rumours. So did he.

He forgot about how his friend called him in a panic, not wanting this relationship to get ruined for him like the last one, and the one before that, and the one before that. About how he really, really liked you, but couldn’t act on it. He wanted to give you the world. Yes, he fell too quickly, too easily, but who could blame him?

And you forgot about Ella in the same panic. She didn’t want this to get ruined for you, of course, because this was your first shot, your first love (Although not that she’d know - you had to admit you had been a bit distant with her since you met Harry.) She didn’t want you to fall into the hands of the public eye. She wanted to make sure you were safe. She wasn’t sure if you should trust Harry, so of course she should be worried.

But you trusted him.

And he trusted you.

And everything is okay.

Until 3am.

A/N PT 2 - While you’re waiting for part 3 (which is definitely coming btw!) check out my other fics through this masterlist HERE!

[victoria-daydreams]

Something’s Gotta Give

Chapter Three: Tea for Two

AN: Honestly, I should be asleep as I post this chapter, but if I delay this any longer I think I might rip my hair out (not really). If there are any mistakes, I’m sorry, it’s 3am and I’m bleary eyed. Anyways, thank you to everyone who has supported this story! I really didn’t think anyone would enjoy it but myself.

Chapter Four: A Frightful Dinner

Summary: What should’ve been a fun and simple dinner between Livia and Booker takes a dark turn when she discovers a startling secret about him.

Having a cup of tea with each other became a weekly ritual for Booker and I.

And from tea, sometimes we swap over to coffee, where I discovered that Booker makes the best coffee known to man. He always made my cup of coffee sweet, rich, creamy, and added a dash of cinnamon to top it off. It's so perfect, I'll never look at coffee served in cafes the same anymore. Regardless of the beverage we were drinking, Booker and I always made sure to bring food for our little get-togethers. When its my turn to bring the food, I usually buy pastries like eclairs, macrons, pain au chocolat, etc. I couldn't help myself, I've got quite the sweet tooth which Booker commented on clearly amused once he noticed the trend. While Booker opted to bring sandwiches and quiches, which were a lot healthier than my choices.

At first, our little “tea parties”, as I liked to call them always took place in my apartment, but as the weeks passed and Booker grew more and more comfortable with me, he invited me to his apartment for the first time for a cup of coffee. To my surprise, when I entered Booker's apartment, it was not shrouded in darkness like I previously believed, the space was actually well lit.

Unless, he had the lights on and blinds opened for my benefit.

But you know what, I wasn't going to complain about it. The mere fact that Booker felt he could trust me by letting me into his personal space brought me indescribable joy. Each week over tea or coffee, a new subject was discussed. One week it's about books, the next about traveling, the following about daily life, and so on. Truly, it was a very gratifying experience to see how our relationship had blossomed. Not too long ago it felt like I had to pull teeth to get Booker to speak to me or I had to decipher his body language to determine if he was even comfortable speaking to me.

But now, conversations between us flowed naturally.

However, I have noticed that other things have changed between Booker and I. Well, at least for me it has. As of late, I would feel my heart start racing and beat like thunder whenever I would spend time with him. I would find myself studying Booker's features instead of listening to what was coming out his mouth. My eyes would move from down his nose, across his cheeks, around his jaw line, and at his lips. Heat would always flush my face and down to my neck when Booker called my name to snap me out of my daydream.

I couldn't help it, from the jump I said the man was handsome, but I didn't think I would catch feelings for him.

It certainly didn't help that our hands would innocently brush against each other when doing simple tasks, for example, doing the dishes together. Or the way he would lightly place his hand on my mid-back to usher me into his apartment after we've came back from the market. I always felt like I was set aflame every time Booker and I made contact with each other. I began to wonder if Booker had caught onto my growing feelings for him, he hadn't said anything or treated me differently. But, at times I would feel Booker's gaze linger on me when he was supposed to be reading, like the time when I was detangling my hair or when I was drawing in my sketchpad.

There's also the fact that Booker brought me flowers one day when we were having tea. They were roses, yellow roses to be specific. He told me the roses reminded him of me because of their warmth. And don't get me wrong, I damn near gushed over the beautiful, sun-colored bouquet of roses because I hadn't received such a gift in god knows when, but I also had mixed feelings about the flowers. Yellow roses symbolize friendship and I was left wondering one single question.

Did Booker just politely friend zone me?

~~~x~~~

"When I invited you over for dinner I was hoping you would actually help me make it," Booker quipped, looking over his shoulder.

I chuckled a little, "Hmm," I hummed, as popped the last bit of cracker that had fromage fort spread across it. "It seemed like you had everything under control," I replied, a smile on my face.

If someone had told me that by the end of this day I would be having dinner with Booker, I would tell them they were crazy, hell I might even laughed at them. Having a cup of tea with Booker is one thing, but to eat dinner together, it's different, more intimate. When Booker invited me over, I had just finished putting away groceries and was about to make dinner myself, but in stepped Booker. It was quite adorable when he asked to have dinner with him, in my opinion. He was clearly nervous, he stumbled over his words a few times. Whether it was because Booker is still a slightly reserved man, which meant doing this was uncharted territory for him or it was the possibility that he also had feelings for me was unclear.

I hoped for the latter.

"Do I now?" Booker asked, turning around and folding his arms across his chest.

My grin widened, "Undoubtedly," I said, with a laugh.

Feeling a bit of cheese on the corner of my mouth, I took my thumb and wiped it off before placing the speck of cheese onto my lips. Booker's eyes darted down to my lips and I had to force myself to keep a straight face as I felt a slight increase in my heart beat from Booker’s lingering gaze.

"Maybe it was just involuntary," I thought.

I picked up my wine glass, "But since you're begging me so much, I guess I have no choice but to help," I joked, standing up from the kitchen chair and taking a sip of the dry wine.

Booker faced the counter again, "Your kindness knows no bounds Livia," he deadpanned, resuming his work on slicing the mushrooms up.

I walked up to him and placed my hand on the back of shoulder, at first his body tensed before his muscles relaxed.

"What would you like me to do Chef Booker?" I questioned, my lips curving into a smile.

He rolled his eyes at the title, but still a smirk made its way onto his face, "Can you chop the broccoli please?" he asked, motioning to the vegetable to the side of him.

"Gladly," I replied, removing my hand from him and placing my glass down.

I moved over to the sink and turned the faucet on, pumping soap into my hands I placed them underneath the warm water, giving them a good scrub. Drying my hands on a towel placed on the sink, I took my place next to Booker and began chopping the stalk of broccoli.

"In the month and a half that I've known you, I've noticed a difference in you,” I stated, still cutting the broccoli up.

Booker glanced over at me, "Like what?" he asked curiously, dumping the mushrooms into a pan on the stove.

"Well for one, you don't look so haggard," I commented, placing my knife down and picking up the cutting board.

"Haggard?" Booker repeated, breathing out a laugh. "Wow, Livia," he chuckled, taking the board from my hands and tipping the broccoli into in the pan as well.

"Wait, let me finish!" I said, laughing myself now. "There's a glow to your skin. I can sense a newfound joy in you, an emotion that you believed would never return," I continued, and from the corner of my eyes I saw Booker still. "And your eyes," I breathed, shaking my head. "Your eyes always conveyed to me of a man who lives in silent misery. Your eyes would say what your mouth would not," I explained, my voice taking on a softer tone. "But now, I can see a small shine, a little glimmer twinkling in your eyes," I finished, turning my head slightly to look at Booker, who seemed to be stock still.

Silence swept over the small room, apart from the sounds of the vegetables in the pan sizzling and the wind outside softly rustling the colorful leaves on the trees. My heart began hammering in my chest, the elongated silence from Booker made me nervous. God, I hope I didn't say anything that offended him.

I cleared my throat and brushed the bangs of my hair away from eyes, "I don't know, maybe I've been reading too many of those poems you suggested," I guessed, chuckling while shaking my head.

A warm, rough hand covered the top of mine and my head snapped up to look at Booker.

"I guess, it's kind of hard to remain gloomy when you have a neighbor that is the personification of a ray of sunshine, annoyingly persistent as she may be," Booker teased, looking down at me with sincereness in his eyes and a small smile gracing his lips.

I playful bumped his arm with my own, "You love it though," I teased back, sticking my chin out.

"I do," he agreed softly, stroking his thumb back and forth across my hand.

The gesture sent shivers down my spine and goosebumps raised on my arms. Booker's exquisite blue eyes were locked with my rich brown orbs. The proximity between us was making it hard to breathe, all Booker had to do was lean his head down a little further and—let me not get ahead of myself.

"More wine?" I squeaked out, trying to regain my breath subtlety.

Booker smirked, almost as if he knew the effect he had on me, "I would love some," he answered, giving my hand a squeeze before removing it to work on the garlic bulbs.

I turned around, a grin on my face as I held my hand against my chest. I made my way back over to kitchen table, a slight spring in my step, to where a bottle of unopened wine was located. Grabbing the corkscrew, I jammed it into the top of the bottle and began twisting the knob a few times until the familiar and gratifying loud pop of a wine bottle being uncorked echoed throughout the room. It startled me, but at the same time a satisfied smile grew on my face until I heard Booker swear loudly behind me. Immediately, I placed the bottle down and turned around to see little red droplets dripping from Booker's fingers and onto the floor.

"Oh my god Booker!" I exclaimed, rushing to his side.

"It's nothing Livia!" he insisted, cradling his bloody hand as he moved towards the sink.

"Nothing?" I repeated, disbelief clear in my face. I moved in front of him and grabbed his wrist to show him the severity of his wound. "Booker, your palm is split wide open!" I pointed out, my tone turning frantic "We need to go to the hospital!" I stated, releasing his wrist and turning around to grab the towel from the sink.

"Livia-"

"Here!" I began, spinning back around to face Booker. "Use the towel to...." I instructed, but slowly trailed off as my eyes widened at what I was witnessing.

My breath began to quicken, becoming shallow as I watched the skin on Booker's palm draw itself back together. The towel fell limply from my hand and onto the floor with a soft thud. Slowly, I raised my hand and covered my mouth in horror as I watched tendon by tendon mend itself, and at that moment I felt my stomach lurch and a strong wave of nausea hit, forcing me to place a hand on my stomach in order to calm it down. The deep laceration on Booker's palm inexplicably became a mere scratch before the scratch itself simply disappeared.

As if Booker never injured himself in the first place.

"What the hell!" I whispered, my eyes still glued to Booker's his hand. The image of his palm knitting itself back together flashed in my mind, making me slightly gag. I lifted my eyes to Booker's who's face had gone ashen and was contorted with unease. "What the hell was that?" I asked, my voice once again not above a whisper, but the panic laced through the question couldn't be clearer.

"Livia, I can explain," Booker stated slowly, reaching his bloody hand out to me and taking a small step in my direction.

My eyes slightly widened again and I recoiled backwards, my back running into the cupboard. I tightly gripped the counter as I watched Booker's shoulders deflate like a balloon losing air, hurt was evident in his eyes at my reaction to him and a sad frown formed on his face. The silence was deafening in Booker's apartment, the only thing I could hear was the blood pounding in my ears. I slid my body along the cupboard, reaching down to snatch my coat from the chair that was next to it.

"I-I need t-to go," I announced shakily, avoiding Booker's stare.

Hurriedly, I moved to the door and made haste of the lock on the door, nearly yanking the door of its hinges as I left.

"Livia, wait!" Booker called, and I thought I heard movement behind me. "Please!" He pleaded.

My hands fumbled around in my coat pocket for my keys, but finally managing to grab them. I nearly sprinted towards my door even though it was only a short distance away. My hands trembled as I inserted the key into my door and jerked the key hard, twisting the doorknob and pushing my door open. I entered my apartment straight away and as I went to shut the door I paused, glancing at the apartment door across from me. Out of nowhere, the sound of glass shattering across the hall made me jump back, causing the door to slam shut louder than I intended it to. I slid the deadbolt lock into place and did the same with the bottom lock, leaning my forehead against the door, closing my eyes.

I flipped around with my back against the door, slowly I slid down the door and covered my face with my hands.

"What the fuck did I just see unfold in Booker's apartment?"

Chapter Five: Avoidance

[saeyoungs-sunflower]

Ray’s AE Live Reactions

Right lads, I’m gonna do a daily commentary on Saeran’s AE because damn I gotta vent lol

I think it goes without saying, SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT! Long post ahead. And lot’s of screenshots (did not know there was an image limit on tumblr post lol had to whack the collaging app). A lot happened guys, and I have a lot of feelings.

Day 1!

First, a few initial thoughts

I forgot about the pure anxiety of picking the right chat choices lmao. This is not a game for over thinkers lemme tell ya

Really REALLY appreciated the current lack of 3am chat rooms lol. It went from 12am to 9am and it was GLORIOUS

Saeran is an absolute cherub and I will be watching him like a hawk

Now onto live reactions!

~

Well at least SEVENSTAR DRINK is thriving. It’s what he would have wanted.

~

Zen excuse me this is not your AE you cannot be this cute bACK OFF SIR

Big bro Zen has made another appearance. We do not deserve this man. STOP BEING CUTE

~

Look at this man. Look at this absolute fucking bean sprout look at him I just wanna rip my face off he’s so cute jfc

he also keeps calling everyone by their full name and i can’t handle it. every time he says ‘Jumin Han’ i want punch myself in the face he’s so. damn. precious.

~

Ummm Yoosung?? That’s my boyfriend thank you very much BACK OFF SIR

cough #Yooran4ever cough ah did you hear something? Nah me neither

~

SAERAN LMFAOOOOOO HE FUCKING SAID IT. Bean sprout is a savage bean sprout hot damn.

Zen I’m sorry my love but it was going to be said eventually.

~

what. the. FUCK. ARE YOU SHITTING ME? My jaw dropped like are you having a laugh?? what’s happening when did you turn all creepy and scary I mean look at that CG I hate it bring back the soft mint man I don’t trust this one 

#notmyjihyun

For real though I am baffled and afraid pls let this all get sorted out :(( now I'm worried for Saeyoung and V’s safety wtf wtf wtf

~

I’M GONNA CRY NO NO NO MY BBY THE TEARS ARE COMING I CANNOT COPE NOOOOOO

CHERITZ PLEASEEEE

HE’S HURT OH MY GOD HELP HIM

I actually want to scream

Sir that’s my emotional support hacker i need you not fucking do that

~

smiley face of death

~

i’ll tell you what Cheritz, you are incredible

i actually did giggle and yes i hate me for it too

~

GIVE THE CHERUB HIS BROTHER BACK😭😭

it’s not even been a full day and i’m already emotionally drained send help

~

and on today’s episode of ‘mc being thirsty for anyone but the person whose route your on’:

cheritz you do make me giggle

~

JUMIN🥺😭 ffs can you stop making the characters say nice things about me or be super cute to me in every chat/call because i will fall in love with them again and IT’S SAERAN’S TURN OKAY STOP IT

~

sorry everyone i will be stepping down from my position as Party Organiser to become mr chairman’s personal therapist thank you for your time

literally had one conversation with this guy and now he’s telling me all about his failed love life. you know what i respect it well done mr chairman for being open about your feelings.

~

Saeyoung, i have been waiting to save you for literal years and now your telling me not look for you? lmao as if

~

I could actually shed a tear.

I’m so proud of you baby, you tell her boo.

~

I am SCREAMING. V why you gotta absolutely decimate her like that?

Honestly though this chat was so uncomfortable. Something is just very off with these two (more than usual). Like it’s so eerie how casual and ‘normal’ they’re being i hate it here

~

IT’S ALRIGHT LADS VANDERWOOD IS HERE

We're counting on you Vandy pls don’t let us down

~

Okay, some general thoughts about day 1:

This suspense with Saeyoung is genuinely killing me. Like I NEED him to be okay in the end. The panic from his visual novel was so real. I actually can’t think about it too much without getting upset lmao

Seriously concerned about V’s character. I'm praying that they don’t villainise him and he can have a happy ending. Saeran got a happy ending in V’s ae, and it’ll be so upsetting if V doesn’t get the same from Saeran’s.

Rika is straight up pissing me off. I’m sorry to say it, but she is. I don’t know if I’m just moody today bc usually I can either just brush her off or find a way to sympathise for her (not excuse her actions, just make an effort to understand her) but today I just couldn’t do it. It’s not even like...genuine anger she’s just annoying me hahah (pretty sure I’m just hormonal or something, but we’ll see lol)

And if she brings up Saeran’s mother and tries to push the idea that she herself is like a mother to him I will personally twat her round the head.

Oh, or if she talks about Jumin again. I will protect my bois if it’s the last thing I do.

The call from Driver Kim was the only saving grace of the day. What a wholesome man.

Seeing V and Rika be all domestic and ‘normal’ in some chats/on the spaceship thing was...unsettling. It makes me even more concerned for V...

Basically, I am afraid of what’s going to happen next.

[thejolexgroupchat]

the one where they met in med school - part five

Jo is going through something and Alex is going to figure out what it is

Check out our Master List for parts 1-4 as well as other jolex fics we've been working on!

———

(May 2007)

Seattle Grace is a disaster zone full of lovesick, horny patients and doctors. It’s like Alex cannot turn a corner without finding someone hooking up or getting hit on. At first, he thinks he’s imagining things because there’s no way that Doctor Montgomery is staring at him like he’s a fresh piece of meat and she’s a hungry lion. They see each other almost everyday as he helps Ava recover and everyday the woman stares him down like she wants to jump him.

And that’s another thing, he was pretty sure that Ava is trying to hit on him too. He knew he was good looking and that his rare soft side has been on full display lately, but for fuck’s sake even his patients? Ava  was easier to handle than Addison, but both women were giving him a run for his money.

“You know, I think she’s trying to get in your pants,” Ava’s voice startled him as he looked up from her chart, brows furrowing as he looked at her. “Doctor Montgomery. She keeps looking at you with those sex eyes, like if I wasn’t here she’d be all over you.”

Well at least he isn’t crazy… Alex heaved a sigh and closed the chart, meeting Ava’s eyes with a smirk, “She can stare all she wants, I am off the market and not interested in one of my superiors dragging me into a supply closet for a quick hookup.”

He could tell Ava was shocked. Who in this death trap isn’t by the fact that Doctor Evil Spawn is tied down? She paused for a moment before a laugh came out, eyes falling to her hands that lay over her swollen belly, “Figures, I knew you were too handsome to be single. Does she work here too? It seems like everyone in this hospital is screwing.”

“No she’s back in Boston, she’ll be here in a few weeks though,” just saying the words out loud makes Alex’s heart flutter. Both Jo and Lexie had been accepted to the next class of interns at Seattle Grace, meaning that as soon as they walked across the stage in June they’d be flying across the country to Seattle. “It’s been too damn long, we’ve been doing long distance for almost a year now.”

“A year? Do you see her ever? I’m sure you’re super busy here,” Ava seemed genuinely curious about Alex and Jo’s relationship, a refreshing take compared to his friends that only asked if he was getting laid or not.

“Yeah we’ve both been out to see each other a few times. I just went there in March actually. It’s not enough, though. It’s not the same,” his mind now occupied with thoughts of his girlfriend, Alex said goodbye to Ava and left her room. He wasn’t even through the doorway of an on-call room before he dialed Jo’s number and waited for her to answer. “Hey you, how’s your day?”

“Fine.”

The one word answer stopped Alex’s heart. Usually, Jo was more than ready to rant about classes or tell him something exciting that she saw on campus. Instead, her monotone voice and lack of words scared him.

So he did the only thing he could think of and decided to call Lexie. The phone went to voicemail twice before it was answered, “Alex what’s going? I’m at work.”

“What’s wrong princess? Bad day?”

“No it’s just been long,” Jo sighed, her voice seeming even further away. “I have a headache, that’s all.”

“I’m sorry babe, if it makes you feel better, one of my patients thinks that my boss is trying to screw me,” Alex’s voice was light hearted as he tried to cheer Jo up, but her frustrated sigh on the other end of the line told him that she didn’t find the situation amusing. “Look, I’m sorry. I thought it was a funny story but-”

“Hey, Lexie. I’m sorry, but is Jo okay?”

“What?” Lexie scrunched her face. “That’s why you’re calling me? I have to get back to the lab.”

“Don’t hang up! It’s just… I called her a few minutes ago and she was acting weird. She was giving me short answers and then she hung up on me. She sounded stressed and nervous. Not school stressed either. I’m worried,” Alex explained.

“I know you two have been together for years, but it still kind of freaks me out whenever I hear you talk like this… Now that you mention it though, Jo has been acting off. Normally she’s really chatty in the evenings, but lately she’s been distracted.”

"Did something happen?" Alex asked.

"Not that I know of… should I get off work early and go check on her?"

"No, it's fine. I'll take care of it. Thanks Lexie," Alex hung up the phone and decided to look for Bailey.

“I gotta go, I’ll call you later,” the line went dead before Alex could say anything else, leaving him to stare down at the phone in his hands in shock. No matter how angry or upset his girlfriend has been she’d never hung up on him like that, not even during their big blowout fight a few weeks before.

After a few minutes of running around the hospital, he finally found Bailey sitting behind the nursing station giving Izzie some instructions about a patient's post-op care, "Dr. Bailey can I speak with you for a moment?"

"Say what you need to say, Karev. Stevens and I are very busy today. I don't have time to waste," Bailey replied without looking up from her charts.

Alex looked up at Izzie who just shrugged and motioned for him to speak, "I need the rest of the day off, the next few days actually."

Bailey looked up from the chart she was writing in, an unimpressed expression on her face, "Excuse me?"

"I know we're swamped and I'm on Ava's case, but I really just need a couple days. There's been a family emergency and I need to catch the next flight to Boston," Alex looked at Bailey expectantly.

"Is everything okay?" Izzie asked, concerned.

"I don't know. I couldn't really get a lot of information over the phone, but I need to get to Boston as soon as possible. Please," Alex waited for a couple seconds for Dr. Bailey's response.

"You are lucky I like you," Bailey mumbled. "Go Karev, get out of here. You have three days. Call me if it's really bad and you need more."

Alex nodded in thanks and ran to the locker room to collect his things. By the time he arrived at the airport, an hour had passed since he left the hospital. He ran up to the ticket counter and asked for the next flight to Boston. It was pricey, but the plane would leave in an hour, meaning Alex had to be quick if he wanted to make it in time for boarding.

The rest of the time in between him getting to Boston was a blur. When his plane touched down, it was midnight on the east coast. He called a cab and hopped in, giving them Jo’s address. It was 12:37am when he finally arrived. Alex walked up the steps to the apartment and knocked on the door. There was a shuffling on the inside before the door opened.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Jo’s eyes widened as she opened the door. She looked like shit, her eyes were red and puffy and she was dressed in one of Alex’s dark blue flannels and some pajama shorts.

“I was worried about you, you didn’t sound okay when I called,” Alex watched Jo’s bottom lip tremble as she held back tears, his hands coming up to hold her shoulders as she looked up at her. “Jo, what’s wrong?”

Jo tried to open her mouth to say something, but no words came out. Instead a sob broke from her throat, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks as Alex pulled her into his embrace. His hands rubbed her back slowly as he attempted to quiet her sobs.

“Jo what’re you- Alex? What the hell,” Alex looked up and met Lexie’s eyes behind Jo, hers softening as she glanced at her friend who was still crying. “She wouldn’t tell me anything, she’s been crying on and off since I got home.”

“Come on babe, let’s get you to bed,” Alex pulled back from Jo just long enough to hook his arms under her legs so he could carry her to her bedroom. She made no protests as she nuzzled further into Alex’s chest, her silence throwing him off as they settled into bed together. “I’ll be here in the morning, you just sleep.”

Jo’s sobs had turned into sniffles as she pressed her face into the crook of Alex’s neck. She was never a big cuddler when they would sleep together, most of the time Alex would be fighting her for room on the mattress as she starfished across it. That’s how Alex could tell something wasn’t right, the way that Jo was curled up into a ball pressed as close to him as possible told him everything he needed to know.

Somewhere around 3am, Alex felt Jo poke him in the side. He opened his eyes and looked at the face of the woman he loved only to find her usual joyful demeanor replaced with one of fear. He watched as Jo took a deep breath, “We need to go to the store.”

“The store? For what? Jo, it’s three in the morning. Is anything even open right now?” Alex furrowed his brow.

“There’s a twenty-four hour CVS a couple blocks away,” Jo lifted her head from its place on Alex’s chest and moved to get out of bed. “I just really need to get something from the store.”

“Jo, the store can wait. We can go in a few hours,” Alex tried reasoning with her.

“It can’t wait!” Jo exclaimed as tears began to trickle down her face again. “It can’t wait Alex. We need to go right now.”

“Okay, we’ll go now. Just calm down for me,” Alex placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I’m going to get dressed. Give me two minutes.”

By the time they arrived at CVS, it was 3:23am. Alex made a move to exit the car when Jo placed a hand on his arm, “No! Stay here. I’ll go alone.”

“What? No, Jo it’s three in the morning. I’m not letting you go into the store alone,” Alex protested.

“There’s nobody here. I will be fine,” Jo opened the car door. “Besides, I know how to take care of myself. I’ll be back in five minutes.”

Alex was extremely confused. He had no idea what the hell was wrong with his girlfriend, but he knew it wasn’t good. In the years he’d known her, Alex had never seen her like this. He tried racking his brain for any possible thing that could’ve led her to acting like this but he came up blank.

Jo entered the car with a plastic bag in her hands, breaking him from his thoughts. He looked over at her, “You good?”

“Yeah,” Jo’s voice and face despondent. “Just drive the car.”

“Okay…”

As they walked back into her apartment, Alex gave Jo a worried look. She’d been silent the entire car ride and Alex basically had to drag her up the stairs to the apartment. He sighed, “Jo, come on. It’s been hours since I got here and you still haven’t told me anything. I left the hospital early and asked for the next three days off because I know you are not okay. I know something is wrong and I’m worried about you. Please, I love you. I am here. Let me help you.”

Wiping a couple stray tears from her face, Jo pulled Alex into the bathroom and locked the door. She handed him the bag containing what she’d just purchased from CVS.

Alex’s eyes widened as he removed what was inside the bag, “Holy shit.”

“Yeah,” Jo swallowed nervously. She leaned against the sink and closed her eyes. “Now you know why I’m acting so weird… I’m freaking out here, Alex.”

Alex looked from the unopened pregnancy test box in his hand back to Jo, “It’s okay. Everything is going to be fine Jo. You’re going to take the test and I’m going to be right here the entire time. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what this test says.”

“Can you just… go in the hallway while I pee,” Jo’s voice was quiet and far away as she looked up at Alex. Their eyes met and they both took in the same expression of fear that the other wore.

Alex nodded and left the bathroom, sliding down the wall of the hallway as he waited for what seemed to be forever for Jo to finish. His mind was racing, heart hammering in his chest as he played the last two months over in his head. If Jo was… it had to have happened when he came out in March. They’d been careful, they were always careful, but the trip had been short and sweet and they’d spent most of their time in bed.

“It says wait three minutes,” Alex is startled out of his train of thought by Jo’s voice, her figure now standing in front of him with a solemn expression. She had thrown on one of his Iowa State sweatshirts in her haste to get out the door, the fabric hanging loosely off her body as she sat on the ground and dragged herself into Alex’s waiting arms. “I’m scared, Alex.”

“Hey if it is positive you’re already heading to Seattle in a few weeks anyways. We can work it out,” Alex brushed his fingers through Jo’s hair as he pulled her close, his lips pressing into her forehead. “I love you, no matter what happens I’m always gonna love you.”

Jo nodded her head, but didn’t speak anymore. Alex felt terrible, she’d probably been carrying this around for a few days by herself while he was clueless on the other side of the country. The past year had been hell on earth for him, but he took a little comfort in the fact that in just a few short weeks they’d be waking up next to each other again.

“I’m late, like stupid late, and I haven’t been able to keep food down all week,” Jo’s voice was muffled as she pressed herself further in Alex’s chest, his fingers rubbing against her back in slow circles as her breathing became more erratic. “I’m so freaking stupid, I can’t believe this. I’m so dumb.”

Brows furrowed, Alex looked down at his girlfriend in worry. He’d never seen her this upset about something, leading him to believe that an unexpected pregnancy wasn’t the only thing clouding her mind at the moment, “You’re not stupid, I was there too. If anything I’m the stupid one.”

Jo sniffled, one hand coming up to wipe at her cheeks as she met Alex’s gaze. He’d never seen her so devoid of emotion, her face blank as she blinked up at him, “I’m ruining your life. I should’ve just let you go to Seattle without being tied to me because now you’re gonna be stuck with me and all this shit. You don’t deserve any of this.”

Alex’s face softened, his hands coming up to cradle Jo’s face tenderly. She was sitting here waiting for the results of a pregnancy test and she was worried about him instead of herself.

“Babe, you didn’t ruin anything, you never could. I’m not here because you’re forcing me to, I’m here because I want to be and because I love you,” brushing back her hair, Alex leaned his forehead against Jo’s. “No matter what happens, nothings going to change how I feel about you. Okay?”

“Can… Can you go look? Please.”

Rising from the floor, Alex walked into the bathroom and stared down at the three tests laying across the counter. Hands braced on the countertop, he let out a sigh as he looked back to Jo.

“Negative. All three are negative.”

Jo released the breath she had been holding, “Oh thank God… okay… okay.”

Alex stood silent for a moment and watched as Jo allowed a few tears to slide down her face. He crouched down next to her, one of the tests in his hands, “See. They’re negative. You’re probably just stressed about finals. It’s all good, we’re okay.”

“I’m relieved that it’s negative. I really am. We can’t handle this right now,” Jo spoke after a couple moments of silence. She looked up at Alex, eyes shining with unshed tears. “But… Is it wrong that I’m a little disappointed, though?”

Alex raised his eyebrows in surprise at her words. He and Jo never really talked about kids. It wasn’t something that was on either one of their radars. They were content with just the two of them. Alex had always assumed that he and Jo would be together until one or both of them died from old age. He didn’t need anything other than to have her by his side.

On top of all that, he didn’t think Jo wanted kids. Neither of them had very good upbringings, but Jo definitely had it worse than he did. Even though she’d never verbalized it, he knew she was afraid of being a bad mom to their hypothetical child. He supposed it was similar to the fear he had about being a horrible father, given his own history with crappy dads.

Alex's mouth twitched slightly, "It's not wrong. There's nothing wrong with feeling disappointed."

"I know, but we've never talked about it," Jo shrugged one shoulder. "I didn't even know I wanted it until just now. I've never thought about it. I've always assumed that I'd never find someone who'd want to do that with me."

That's when Alex understood. Even after three years, Jo still expected that one day he'd leave her. She thought that one day, he'd find someone better—as if that person existed—and she'd be alone. Jo didn't understand the concept of forever, she'd never had anyone stick around. It was a bit of a wake up call for him. Alex realized that he'd never been clear with his intentions.

“I guess this is my fault,” Alex rubbed the back of his neck and took a deep breath. “I’ve never said my intentions out loud because I thought they were all so obvious. I didn’t think they needed to be vocalized, but I’m not going anywhere. This ‘someone who would want to do that with you’ you thought you’d never find is me, Jo. I want it all with you. You are my home, and I never wanna go anywhere without you, do you hear me?”

Alex lifted Jo’s chin to make sure she was looking into his eyes. He noticed hers were full of tears and knew it was probably because nobody had ever said that to her before. Pulling her closer, he placed a kiss on her head, “And you don’t need to feel guilty about being disappointed.”

He moved his head so their foreheads touched, “Someday, when the right time comes, we’re gonna have a family to call our own. Until then, it’ll be just us, but we won’t need anybody else. We’re the only family we need, right? You and me,” Alex smiled, earning a smile and a chuckle from her. “We’re gonna have it all, Jo” he said.

“Someday,” Jo looked at him from the corner of her eyes with a shy smile.

Alex pulled her into a meaningful kiss, “Someday.”