#thoughts i had months ago from the drafts. just putting them out there. might revisit this after the lore replay

[sleepdeprived-idiot]

ok but why is there a lifeblood area in the abyss

is there a higher being in there? why the door? did the pale King know its there before sealing the place? did he put it there? was the door closed before the infanticide?

if there's a lifeblood creature, is it just chilling with the void? is it a conscious being? are the two aware of each other? who was there first?

[ovaryacted]

Questions 3 and 30 for the ask game <3

Also hiiiii nic, how've you been? 🩷🩷 I'm so glad the ask box is open again. I hope you are feeling better since you said you were really busy a while ago, if I remember correctly?

Also OH MY GOD THEY WEREN'T KIDDING WHEN THEY SAID COLLEGE LIFE WAS WILDD 😭😭 ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO DATING 💀 tell me why I met this boy and got into a relationship with him after an embarassingly short amount of time, then he lovebombed me, had a mental breakdown, got bored and attempted to fake his own death 😭😭 safe to say we're over, though I'm still a little worried about his mental health lmaoo. It's a shame though, I thought I met my brunette version of Leon Kennedy irl, he was really sweet and dorky and all I could ask for. But whatever, life goes on. I think I might quit dating real men until I graduate tho 💀💀 Leon and Chris it is until then!

Sorry if this felt like a rant, but it was too hilarious not to share 😭😭 I hope you're having better luck with real men than I am nic 🥲 it's okay tho, who needs some crazy Texan nerd when Leon Scott Kennedy is right there?

Also, if you have any vague details to share about your upcoming fics, please do! I always stalk your blog for updates, your writing is just that good!! I can be patient though, no pressure. I hope you're having lovely writing time :3

Take care pookie, sending lots of love <3

-🌑

writer ask game

Omg hey new moon anon! It's always so nice to hear from you. 🫶 I'm doing alright for the most part, dealing with migraines so that's fun but I'm handling it. I hope you're doing good too. And yeah, I was busy and a little burnt out from answering all of those asks for like a week straight so I closed my ask box to regroup, but I'm more energetic now so that's good!

#3. how do you feel about your current WIP?

Oh my current WIP is a pain in the ass LMAOO. I've been working on it for like a month on and off and I'm about to revisit it today and re-edit it completely. Sometimes I think I overstress myself about writing certain things because I'm a perfectionist and want to put out stuff that I am happy with, but I'm really hoping I get this done. It's the first chapter of my series, which is hilarious cause I've been drafting this idea out for like 6 months and I still haven't uploaded it. I will though, eventually, I'm just scared about putting it out into the world since it's something I've planned so thoroughly.

#30. share a fic you're especially proud of

I believe I've answered this already but definitely One Of Those Days simply because of how cohesive it is and how easy it was to write. It's one of my favorite things that I've written, and because lord knows I want a dilf to take care of me after a stressful day so it's personal.

Now college boys? Babe, as someone older I'm going to tell you, stay away from them boys at school. Obviously, have fun and be safe duh, but don't let these LEWSERS derail you from your education. I'm sorry that happened though seriously, being lovebombed is the absolute worst thing ever, but he sounds crazy for that like. Don't think that what happened determines your worth romantically, believe me, you will be okay. <3

As for me? I haven't had a man within 6 feet of me in 2 years by choice HAHA. They just get dumber and dumber and frankly I don't want to be stressed so I choose to keep my peace, I can't deal with another dating horror story and trust me I've had plenty. Celibacy does get annoying though, I feel like as you get older, your hormones get out of wack and every ovulation cycle gets more intense. I'm literally at my limit but I'm trying to stay strong and not let the voices get to me. May break my celibacy this summer, I'm feeling reckless, but nobody is a #realfucker like me so I'd rather save myself the dissapointment. Sadly, real men are nothing like the fictional ones we all thirst over, so we must all suffer booo.

And as for my fic ideas, I have a lot written down and I'm actually deviating from Leon Kennedy because I'm fixating over Chris Redfield so I'll tell you some of the things I want to write for him in particular!

Essentially, I have a DDLG fic idea I want to crank out with Chris and it kind of extended to me wanting to create a mini universe of Chris and his sub partner just navigating life and learning more about kinks and how to grow in a dom/sub dynamic. I originally wanted to do that with Leon, but the ideas I had just didn't fit his characterization naturally in my head, it felt forced. And now that I've been doing a fuck ton of character analysis and plotting with Chris, my brain changed and everything that didn't fit Leon fits Chris in my head (because they're foils of each other). So yeah, I'm definitely planning on doing that, probably several different one shots about Chris and his gf in a dom/sub partnership and how they explore it together, and they can all be read as stand-alones or in the same "universe" type of deal.

I'm still hesitant cause of how people think about DDLG as a whole and how they view Chris, but I'm just learning to not give a fuck anymore and post it anyway. :)

[mithrilwren]

Fanfic ask game for procrastinating on writing, which as of this week is actually accurate, since I’m finally writing again! (or, more specifically, editing what I wrote two months ago so I can get back to writing.)

Tagged by @essektheylyss! Thank you, this is exactly the kind of activity my brain needed tonight.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

72! I was hovering at 69 for quite a while, sad to break the streak haha

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

~550K, which is somehow both more and less than what I expected

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Many, lmao. According to my Ao3 (omitting any blanket tags) I’ve got 22 there, plus at least two more over on ff.net from back in the day, and probably a couple more just on Tumblr. Most of them I’ve only written one fic for, though. I think the only fandoms where I’ve written more than one are Critical Role (35), Supernatural (15), Haikyuu!! (3), The Exorcist (2), Dimension 20 (2), and Yu-Gi-Oh! (2)

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Pick a Number, Any Number

Surprisingly, my number one is NOT a Critical Role fic, nor is it even one of my longer multi-chapters! It’s actually a one-shot I wrote for Haikyuu!! back in the day that took off far beyond what I expected. I wrote it for DaiSuga week, which was a ship I (to be completely honest) wasn’t even terribly invested in, but I had a fun idea and people seemed to like it! (It’s also much fluffier than what I usually write, which might be part of its broader appeal ;))

A Winter’s Ball

Unsurprisingly, the next four are all CR ;). This one was a M9 x VM crossover that I primarily wrote between the hours of 3-8am over the course of two insomnia-wracked nights and honestly, I think it shows in its uncharacteristically unstructured format (compared to my typical style, which tends to favour shorter scenes with very intentionally-placed breaks between, as opposed to scenes that flow into each other without pause). That’s not to say I think it’s a bad thing! The story, which follows Beau as she drifts through a party in Whitestone and observes the interactions between the various guests, actually flows better without that kind of interruption. This was also my first Beaujester piece. I started writing it right before Beau’s confession aired, and published it the week after, which definitely pushed me to make what had been only subtextual in the first half of my draft into the emotional lynchpin of the story.

Only the Nightingale Sings

I’m really glad this one still ranks as high as it does, because this story is absolutely my pride and joy. At one time (though I’m not sure that’s true anymore) it was the longest gen fic in the fandom, which is pretty cool! Plot-heavy, twist-heavy, angst-heavy, with seven points of view to follow and multiple interwoven storylines, it was a beast of a thing to write, and took almost exactly a year to finish, but the long process was oh-so worth it. Literally nothing makes me happier today than seeing a new comment or kudos on this story.

Closer Still

One of my earliest shadowgast fics, this one asks the question “how can you make the ‘stuck in an elevator trope’ fantasy?” The answer is, as always, demiplanes. This fic, perhaps more than any of my other shadowgast fics, is interesting to revisit, because it was written before the ep 97 reveal, but literally everything Essek does in it would suggest otherwise. It reads like I already knew he was a spy working with Trent, and yet I was firmly in the “Essek is NOT the spy” camp at the time. Gotta chalk that up to Matt telegraphing his growing guilt into the preceding episodes - even if I couldn’t see it, it was clearly there.

your dust from mine

My other novel-length CR multichapter, this fic brought me so much joy in the otherwise bleak summer of 2020. Most of my best memories of those four months come from working on this story. A Fjorclay adaption of The Goose Girl (my favourite fairytale) this story is about healing, growth, and figuring out what happiness means to you. While I know most people don’t read stories for this pairing anymore, for obvious reasons, I still cherish your dust from mine for how much of my heart I poured into it, and I look back on it with a huge amount of fondness.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do my absolute best to respond to every comment someone leaves on a story of mine, even if it occasionally takes a month or two. Replying to comments is one of my favourite parts of the fic-writing process - it gives me a chance to revisit peoples’ kind words and (often, incredibly insightful) observations, and I hope it also shows how appreciative I am of each and every one. 

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Though I write a lot of angst, I honestly tend more towards bittersweet endings than straight-up sadness. The only one I can really think of is What You Own - mind the tags if you follow the link, this is definitely one of the gnarlier things I’ve written for CR - whose ending is, admittedly, bleak. But this story so far removed from canon that I don’t think it’s the kind of angsty ending that lingers with you, as much as it packs a punch and then lets you go on your way.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I tend to enjoy thinking about crossovers moreso than actually writing them. I’ve brainstormed a few, but none have ever made it much farther than the first page.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

A few times! Not often, thankfully. Only one time in particular really sticks out to me, mostly for how it rocked my confidence in a way that I don’t think any comment could now, since I’ve had a few more years to build up faith in my own writing.

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Very, very occasionally.

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not! 

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh man, back in the Glee days... yeah. Yeah, I have. Nothing that ever got published, though ;)

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

Not sure I have one! Ships come and go with the seasons, and sometimes they’re best left in the era you found them.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The Shadowgast figure skating AU. It’s never going to happen, but I wish it had.

15) What are your writing strengths?

I would say probably structure, in terms of constructing narrative arcs and through-lines. I’m organized with my writing in a way that I am in few other areas of my life, haha. I’d also say my sense of place - I think I’m pretty good at constructing living, breathing settings and exploring how my characters interact affect/are affected by them.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

I have a tendency to be wordy (which you might surmise from the length of this post, lol) and repeat myself, usually by going over emotional beats that don’t need the extra reinforcement. On the other hand, I tend to underexplain certain elements (particularly, important plot details in fic, and character motivation in original writing), which can lead to confusion.

A couple years ago I would have said dialogue, but I’ve put a lot of practice into it and I honestly think I’ve improved a lot, which is pretty cool!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve never done it myself, and it’s not generally my favourite thing to read (like @essektheylyss said, it makes me hyper-aware that I’m reading words on a page, especially if I have to follow a footnote somewhere). That said, I’ve definitely also seen it used effectively, so I think it’s more down to whether it suits the particular story!

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Yu-Gi-Oh!

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

As mentioned above, Only the Nightingale Sings.

[lovelivingmydreams]

Paper Flowers: Assumptions

People make snap judgements all the time. About fictional characters as well as the people in their lives. It gets dangerous however when you assume your perception is the truth.

“Hello all you Fanders out there!” the voice over of DarkStarlight sounds through your speaker as the screen shows the title card of their series Fanders illustrated. The concept is simple enough. They talk about things from Thomas’ content or the fan community they liked while showing speeddraws based on it. It’s really fun to see.

“So a while ago I made this drawing based on the names we picked for the Prince’s nemesis.”

The image changes to a drawing of two versions of the character standing back to back. The dark, mischievious Marcus against a dark red background, and the awkward blushy Kevin against a lighter blue, the collors mixing to purple in the center.

“And the comments have been wild!” A blank canvas is shown as they start sketching.

“There were several theories about how these two boys could be one and the same.

The theory I want to draw today is a cute one. So CatPrincess suggested Marcus is an act Kevin puts up to help the prince. Kevin, according to her, is a staff member of the palace. And when the Prince got old enough to start looking for a princess, he needed an excuse, since he’s gay or just not really interested in romance. He never really was invested in any princesses in the vines after all. He’s had the most chemistry with males. Prince is gay confirmed.”

You chuckle. And shake your head. This fandom is wild. You just hope the characters can make a transition to youtube. It seems like Vine’s time is really coming to an end.

“Anyway, so whether the prince knows it or not CatPrincesss didn’t say, but Kevin ends up disguising himself as a villain so Prince can say he’s busy defending the realm and that he can’t pursue any Princesses until the villain is defeated. I really like the idea of Prince and Kevin having little inside jokes and grinning at each other secretly while Kevin tends to the family during dinner as they hear the king and queen complain about the villain. So. What do you think?”

And just like that the drawing is done. It’s Prince and a formally dressed Kevin glancing at each other with subtle smirks while behind them their silhouettes are crossing swords.

You like and share the video before checking in on tumblr, you still have some time to kill before dinner.

 “I don’t see why we even bother still making vines every day. We’re finished, it’s over,” Virgil muttered as he paced the floor of the common area. He really hated being the barer of bad news, but no one was coming to terms with this simple fact.

“We have sworn to entertain the fanders, and it is not over until the fat lady sings,” Roman explained calmly from his spot, draped over the couch, pretending to be more interested in his notes for the ultimate storytime tour.

The announcement had taken the internet by storm and even Virgil was excited, though he never showed that to the others. He couldn’t leave his room for five days because he couldn’t stop ‘sparkling’ as Roman had come to call his excited look. Just in his head though, he was fairly sure Virgil wouldn’t appreciate it.

“What are we going to do after!?” Virgil insisted.

“We could look for a real job?” Logan suggested though he wasn’t very hopeful.

Virgil was nodding to himself, that was an option he supposed.

“We could make more scripted youtube video’s? People have been commenting they wished they could see more of our characters than six second skits?” Patton suggested.

“Brilliant idea Padre!” Roman exclaimed as he sat up and started skribling.

“We could make a series about the dad and teacher! Liam, Fiona and Gavin might like participating… Oh, and we could make marvelous stories about the prince… Idea!!!!”

He jumped up and made a gesture towards all of them. “We could make a series about us!” he declared proudly. “The fanders want to know more about Thomas, what better way to talk about that than by showing them who we are!?”

Patton was clapping excitedly while Logan and Virgil seemed apprehensive.

“Oh, that sounds so fun!!!” the fatherly side cheered.

“I don’t know,” Virgil objected. “It feels too exposed.”

“Indeed, we are a very personal part of Thomas. We should not be shown to the world so carelessly,” Logan agreed, mostly opposed to being displayed as a source of entertainment for others.

“We don’t have to go all in right away. Thomas can start with acting like our vine counterparts and see how the fanders react and if they like the idea we slowly but surely let our real selves shine through. Little steps,” Roman suggested.

Logan cocked his head. “That was, a very well thought out solution…” he admitted. It was odd. When had this started? Roman usually just spat out ideas and took any criticism as a personal offence. When did he start taking feedback into consideration?

Roman gasped and brought a hand to his heart in offence. “Don’t sound so surprised!” he huffed.

“I don’t know…” Virgil said slowly. The fanders liked his character… But that guy wasn’t literal anxiety.

Roman sighed dramatically. “Tell you what. I draft up some ideas. And after the tour we can revisit the subject. Vine won’t disappear overnight,” he reasoned.

Logan and Patton nodded in agreement. “Fine,” Virgil relented before pulling his hoodie over his head and stalking off.

Patton frowned. “He’s never happy is he?” he muttered sadly. Roman bit back his reaction. Patton was both wrong and right. This part of Virgil couldn’t be happy. But Roman knew of other parts that could be the happiest out of all of them. Happier than even Patton could ever hope being.

“Well who’s fault is that?” A voice drawled from the door opening. Roman automatically drew his sword while Patton and Logan reflexively moved to stand a little more behind him.

“Such a warm reception, I’m so touched,” Deceit said, hand on his heart, a sarcastic sting to his voice and a roll of his eyes.

"Well," Roman huffed as he put away his sword. "Maybe if you didn't apparate in dark corners for no good reason we wouldn't assume an attack was imminent. You are lucky you just missed anxiety, he might not have been able yo hold himself back." Realy what was that snake thinking?

"Thanks for the concern Roman, but other than you three, I know how to handle him."

Roman once more bit his tongue. Keeping his promise not to reveal their bond has never been so hard. This particular side was much more likely to catch him evading and omitting.

He rolled his eyes dramatically and crossed his arms in front of him. "Is there anything you needed Deceit?" Patton asked as he stepped forward laying a soothing hand on Roman's arm.

"Just checking in. And I must say I am not impressed. Morality I had hoped you'd put in a little more effort to make Anxiety comfortable up here. At this rate I might have to take him back with me." Roman could feel Patton cringe at that. That's it. Virgil's friend or not, Roman would not let him upset his family.

“Oh drop it scaleface. Empty threats will only go so far,” he said with a hand on his hip and a roll of his eye.

“Who says they’re empty?” Deceit drawled, studying his nails. “The whole reason Anxiety came up here was to reduce his stress, but if you all just keep making him unhappy, what is the point?” Deceit wondered calmly, though Roman could see there was a vague annoyed pull at his eyes. He clearly did not like being questioned.

“If he really was as unhappy as you imply, then why hasn’t he gone back to you and Remus who supposedly know how to ‘handle him’ so much better?” There was a mild flinch in Deceit’s posture, making Roman wondered if he accidently hit a nerve somehow.

“Just say what you came here for, Deceit. We all have other things to do.” Because deceit was rarely straightforward. Virgil hadn’t told him much about living down there, but that much he’d learned.

Janus just huffed and left.

“Charming as always!” Roman huffed as he combed his fingers through his hair.. He let out a sigh and dropped his hand before looking down at Patton.

“Are you alright Padre?” he wondered.

“I… Yes actually. Thank you Roman…” Roman wanted to bid the two bespectacled sides a good day and start writing on the new series and finish of his ideas for the tour, but the he noticed Patton was biting his lip nervously and so he waited.

“Do you really think… he’s not going to take Anxiety back is he?”

Roman smiled warmly down at Patton before turning to Logan. “Logan, could Thomas ‘forget about anxiety’ at this point?” he asked.

Logan cocked his head confused. “No, denying Anxiety is a part of Thomas, the way Thomas refused to acknowledge his presence in the past, is not possible. Deceit does not have the power to force such a change. Only if the three of us were to agree to it, could something like that be accomplished. And I do not intent to participate in such endeavor,” Logan stated. Patton relaxed at that.

“And I suppose I have gotten used to our war of wits. I shan’t permit him to leave until I reign victorious! Speaking of victory! I’m off writing a script so brilliant the fanders will demand more!”

And with that he finally did make his exit.

He returned to his room and immediately started on his projects. He was not sure what Deceit was trying to accomplish, but it would not deter him from his mission.

In the commons Logan has left as well and Patton his tidying up. Trying not to let Deceit’s words get to him… Who’s fault was it? His? Roman’s? Was there another thing he was missing?

At the border of the conscious mind Janus was beyond annoyed. It didn’t really matter. The idea of failure was planted, and if he knew the lights at all it’s that they would try harder to make Virgil feel comfortable, if only to prove him wrong. Virgil would not like that Janus had gotten involved, but he was worried. How couldn’t he be? Over the past few month’s Virgil had been acting off. Sure he was being more sociable, but after every interaction he was so rained he more or less disappeared. That was the only explanation Janus had for the times he’d visited to make sure he was alright and find the room empty. He hadn’t brought it up with Virgil, since doing so would most likely end up being more about him entering Virgil’s room without permission rather than an actual explanation.

And it didn’t really matter. Janus knew one thing with unwavering certainty.

If the lights didn’t get their act together, they might lose him.

Next: momceit

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

totally stealing @honeybabydichotomy‘s meme-adaptation concept re: i have a handful of things that could be described WIPs and nearly all of them i already can’t shut my mouth about, but here is a trip through the GOOGLE DOCS GRAVEYARD of abandoned fandoms past (mcu, trc, something too embarrassing to list above the cut so you’ll just have to CLICK and find out)

first up, the last fic i never actually wrote for, lmao, american idol season 8 RPF fandom, back in 2010... this was going to be a bigbang fic but in keeping with my terrible track record re: challenges etc. i did not finish it, although in my defense that had at least something to do with spilling coffee all over my laptop right around the time i started a very hours-intensive job with a huge commute. when i look at this now i’m like, this sure was me writing ten years ago, but i still love the emotional architecture of any story in which one deliberately shut-off and long-repressed individual is uncomfortably thawed by the miracle of someone else’s open-hearted joie de vivre; it’s the oldest story here but arguably the closest to an actual WIP in that the ghost of that idea is the seed for the divorced quentin AU i harbor hopes of one day writing; you can definitely see the Relevant Vibes in this exchange, i think, although i feel the need to clarify that adam lambert enjoying twilight is a thing he said on national television, i wouldn’t do that to someone on my own:

Veselka is crowded, but despite the bitter February cold, Kris doesn't mind waiting outside for twenty minutes, leaning against the glass display case of the expensive toy store next door, separated from Adam by little more than an inch. "So - okay, this is kind of terrible. Like, worse than the Twilight thing. But I feel like you should know who you're dealing with, so."

"It can't be that bad."

Adam just smiles knowingly. "Oh, can't it?"

"Hit me with your best shot," Kris says. Something twitches in his stomach as Adam raises his eyebrow to that.

Adam leans down to whisper in Kris's ear, sending inexplicable sparks down Kris's neck. "Sometimes, when I'm standing in the street or on the subway or something, I like to watch people go by and try to guess what they're like in bed."

Kris blushes. "Very mature," he says with a nervous laugh, embarrassed about his own embarrassment.

Adam holds up his hands in a gesture of innocence. "Hey. We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars," he intones. "Oscar Wilde."

"Do you think that's true?"

"I think it is. At least - " Adam tilts his chin up, a mischievous glint in his eyes " - I identify with it."

Kris searches for something to say that won't make him seem hopelessly square. "What's the view like from down there?"

Adam gazes at the night sky, where Manhattan's perpetual glow blots out all but the brightest lights. "I like it. You see more of them this way."

Kris thinks he's spent six years priding himself himself on keeping his gaze fixed straight ahead, avoiding the pull of the horizon or the distraction of the sun. "So. Mr. Gutter." He points to a thirty-something man getting out of a parked Ford across the street. "What's he like?"

next up: an unpublished MCU snippet! this was a peggy character study set at howard’s funeral, also an excuse for me to have feelings about tony stark; idiotically, i actually have a complete draft of this, and got a really brilliant beta job from @nimmieamee, but then never went back and revised it and also could not bring myself to post it when despite being passable as done i could tell in my bones it was simply Not Working, even though parts of it i really liked:

Howard had not taken to aging with grace. It, too, offended him: the body betraying the dream of perfectibility. Dodging it had taken up an increasing percentage of his time. He took up jogging, early among the public, too late in his life: a few months in and a busted knee earned him doctor's orders to abandon that pursuit. His bones were already too brittle to benefit. Howard himself had become brittle long ago. You could blame the war; but that was what happened to people with no give to them. They were like the driest branches waiting for a storm, only unlike branches they recognized on some level the precariousness of their structure, and consequently dedicated themselves to forgetting it.

Howard was undeterred. (Being deterred also went against his every principle.) He had swimming pools installed, outdoors in Los Angeles, adorned with artificial rocks arranged just so to give the impression of a hot spring, and indoors in West Hampton, heated, lit underwater with a yellow-green glow throwing tendrils of light on smooth white walls. Fitness gurus and nutrition consultants were put on retainer, a bicoastal platoon to prevent malfunctions; physical therapists were brought in to recalibrate around malfunctions. They quit with increasing frequency, as his temper frayed along with his body. He gave up, in sequence, smoking, alcohol, red meat, all meat, alcohol, sugar, processed grains, alcohol, salt, and direct sunlight--although by the time of this last pronouncement, it produced little noticeable effect.

Lately he had become obsessed with the idea of cryogenic freezing: the fantasy of going to sleep and waking up in a time when his intellectual heirs had figured out how to repair and replace his rusted pieces. Skin firmed and thickened; knees stitched back to mint condition; a whole new heart, perhaps, grown in a jar or assembled from compounds yet to be constructed. "Wouldn't you take the chance, if you had it?" he had murmured, eyes going dreamy as they did when he talked of his latest missiles.

Peggy pictured Steve in the Arctic, his hyperactive cells stilled by the indifferent cold. She shivered, like a child hearing a ghost story, and said no, she wouldn't.

finally, two stories from a fandom i actually never published any stories with, or engaged with in any meaningful way: the fuckin raven cycle. the dumbest books on god’s green earth. the first was a ronan story where gansey actually dies and stays the fuck dead, and ronan handles it by being a huge asshole, and then, unlike in these hideous godforsaken books, actually decides on purpose to be a better person.... i’m realizing revisiting this now that some of the itch of this story i’ve finally gotten out of my system via damage control, but the GENIUS IDEA of ronan giving matthew an actual soul by giving up the dream power and thus becoming an actual human, sadly, does not really transfer, even though it’s the best concept i’ve ever thought of in my life. anyway, whatever, i have a type:

He opened the door. Adam and Blue were looking at him with expressions he couldn't decipher. Noah was looking at the floor.

"Are you—" Adam started. Ronan watched the word okay die of its own irrelevance in Adam's mouth.

"None of you were invited," Ronan said.

Blue started, "We just—"

"Sorry," he said, loud enough to drown her out. "But this is a very exclusive party. That means no rednecks"—he pointed at Adam—"no bitches"—Blue—"and no pussies"—Noah. "So I'm going to need you all to leave."

He focused his eyes on Blue. She looked like she wanted to slap him. This was familiar. He wanted to go back to the time when his only interactions with Blue Sergeant involved saying something and watching her look at him like she wanted to slap him. Things had gotten complicated after that. Then Gansey had died. Ronan couldn't articulate the connection, but he felt strongly that it was there.

"Maybe I wasn't clear," he said. "What I mean is: get the fuck out of my house."

and last but not least, another TRC story, motivated initially by dreaminess and then sporadically continued after TRK came out (seriously like ever 18 months i dig this one out and write another 500 words and give up again) out of spite - a story where, because fuck stief, adam parrish gets a cell phone, ronan lynch gets a job, and no one assumes that finally having sex means you’re basically married forever without even talking about if you’re boyfriends. this one is like, so close to being “done” in that it almost goes beginning to end and has a lot of individual lines i actually like, but has always been very difficult to pull together because of the reality that maggie stiefvater wrote a series such that ronan lynch acting like a decent boyfriend or experiencing character growth or talking about his emotions is literally out of character, which makes it hard to write a dreamy summer hook-up story; i was actually thinking earlier this year of picking it back up YET AGAIN, but then damage control ate my brain... one day, perhaps, for the satisfaction of having finished... or i might just listen to “cruel summer” by taylor swift while meditating on it for a couple million more hours:

“Did you call me over just to give me the fucking silent treatment in person?” Ronan said. It sounded less vicious than it should have. Like he had been aiming for a growl and somehow landed on a mumble.

I didn’t call you over, Adam wanted to say, but it wasn’t actually true. He had. That seemed wrong, though. Ronan Lynch wasn’t someone to be called over. He was too wild and spiteful for that. Even Gansey couldn’t manage it. The rest of Ronan’s world had given up trying long ago.

But when Adam had called, Ronan had come.

He felt like he might throw up.

“I’m not giving you the silent treatment,” he said instead. “I’m just—“ But he didn’t know what he was doing. So he switched tacks. “You just—“ But he didn’t know that, either. And asking Ronan what the fuck are you doing had never yielded helpful results.

So Adam stuck to the truest thing, what he had worked his whole life to make true. “I’m leaving in three months.”

“What the fuck does that have to do with anything,” Ronan spat. This time he was closer to the expected intensity, but there was still something strange under his voice. Maybe not. Maybe Adam was just having a nervous breakdown.

[aleteia-ff]

1000 followers! | The Phantom of the Archipelago - Sneak Preview

Ohhh, yes!

Thank you, everyone, for your support. This week, I passed the milestone of 1000 Tumblr followers. I have only been on this website for 11 months by now and the amount of love and support I’ve received from this community, the people I’ve gotten to know... I’m so happy I joined! <3

Now, because you guys make me so happy, I want to do something back. And since a lot of you probably started following me because of The Phantom of the Arena, I wanted it to be related to that fic. And although I’m still working on building enough buffer of it’s sequel, The Phantom of the Archipelago, before I actually start posting, I figured I could at least share the draft of one scene from one of the first chapters. 

To say it’s a major scene would be an understatement. 

Obviously, spoilers below the Keep Reading line ;) 

And just a reminder that my ask box is always open! I might take some time to answer them, but in the end I always will. And I will try my hardest to work through some of the asks still in there. 

You can also always find me on Discord in the #aleteias-fics channel!

Hiccup let his gaze wander towards the far side of the island, intuitively scanning Berk’s dense forests for the little clearing in the middle of the trees. For the place he’d loved, and had later come to hate because of how his father had tainted it. But when his eyes found the all-too-familiar spot with ease, he decided that it wouldn’t be that bad to revisit after all.

He nudged Toothless to glide downwards, the two of them staying low and circling the cliffs before soaring over the treetops. Not that anyone was ever looking towards the sky the way Hiccup did, but he’d rather be safe than sorry. Especially on a clear and sunny day like this.

Or perhaps that had changed too over the past couple of years.

Toothless warbled happily when they descended into the cove. Hiccup rolled his eyes, patting the dragon’s neck. “As if you didn’t know where we were going already. You’re flying this thing too, remember?”

They circled around to confirm they were indeed alone, and then skimmed over the pond, the tips of Toothless’ wings just breaking the water’s surface. Hiccup took off his right glove, leaning sidewards to let his scarred fingertips trail through the fresh water, sending a shiver down his spine. He released the straps that secured his feet to the pedals, readying himself to dismount. He didn’t use the straps that often these days, but they were a welcome safety measure when spying on villages, hanging from a cliff. Although he’d definitely let himself drop on purpose a few times, as an excuse to use his own wings.

It was all about danger assessment. And after eleven years of flying, there wasn’t much that could surprise him anymore.

He yelped when that thought was immediately proven wrong as Toothless made an abrupt tight turn, sending him flying all on his own. He realised reaching for his wings was futile just before he hit the water with a loud splash!.

He gasped as he came back up for air, frantically looking around from behind the hair stuck to his forehead in search of an explanation. And broke into a chuckle when he caught sight of his drenched dragon, wading towards him with a proud, gummy smile.

“Good to see at least one of us hasn’t grown up since we first ‘flew’ together all those years ago,” he teased.

Toothless moved one of his wings, but Hiccup ducked under water, avoiding the retaliatory splash, throwing water right back at his best friend when he came back up.

They continued to wrestle and tease each other, both of them somehow ending up even more drenched than before, until Hiccup decided he was done and swam towards the shore. Toothless gave his best Scauldron impression as his rider got out, almost making him fall flat on his face when the water hit his back. He stuck out his tongue towards the dragon, removed his helmet, and shook his head, getting rid of most of the water as he took apart Inferno, confirming none of its vital parts had been soaked. Some of it needed oiling - and he couldn’t wait to get around to that - but not like this.

He looked around, a satisfied smile spreading across his lips as he surveyed the cove. It was exactly like he remembered. Frozen in time, the only thing that had changed in the past eleven years the removal of the shield he’d clumsily lodged between two rocks at its entrance, and of course, his remembrance stone.

In honour of Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III

Berk’s Bravest Dragon Killer

He found he no longer minded the text. Because it was finally true. And if people chose to remember him for killing that one dragon that had tormented them for so many generations, then he’d settle for that. It was a lot better than being remembered as a Viking-hating terrorist, he supposed.

He sat back against the stone, comfortably leaning against it as Toothless continued to splash around behind him.

“It feels good to be here again,” he murmured to himself. “Now that the memories are no longer tainted, and I can just… Enjoy them.”

He remembered it all like it was only yesterday. How he’d been both scared and then incredibly excited to find Toothless there on that first day, wondering why the dragon was sticking around before he’d spotted his missing tail, instantly realising he’d done that and, more disturbingly, that he felt incredibly sorry for it.

How they’d locked eyes from a distance, and how that look had stayed with him from that moment on. Prompting him to seek out the dragon again the next day and end up swallowing a way too large bite of slimy, raw, regurgitated fish.

It had only been uphill from there… All the afternoons he’d spent in the cove, observing Toothless, learning who he was and interacting with him, closing that gap bit by bit until it had felt no more than simply right - although still thoroughly nerve-wracking - to extend his palm towards the Unholy Offspring of Lightning and Death itself. And how his entire world had changed when Toothless had pressed his snout against it.

He trailed the scars on his face with his left hand, once again mapping out every line as if he hadn’t already memorised them long ago. He’d been through a lot since he’d met Toothless. Lost a lot. But it was the one thing he’d do again, and again, no matter how many new attempts at life he might get. Because he couldn’t imagine a world without his best friend in it.

“I love you, Bud,” he told the dragon, who warbled a ‘I love you too’ in return.

He closed his eyes, enjoying the sun on his face as he waited for his hair and armour to dry, allowing himself to slightly doze off. He went back to those first attempts at getting Toothless back into the air, at all the failures they’d gone through before they’d actually made it out of the cove. Let alone gone for an actual flight, the first of which had gone anything but smoothly. But he’d enjoyed every second of it. The wind on his face, the saltiness of the sea in his nostrils, the two people shouting in the distance…

His eyes flew open and he put up his hand. Toothless instantly stopped moving, not a sound in the air for a mere moment. And then he heard it. A clear, audible “Wait up!”, echoing through the forest. Louder than before.

Coming towards them.

“Hide!” he hissed at Toothless as he scrambled to his feet, the distance between them too big for them to reconnect and fly away unseen. He sprinted after his dragon, the two of them disappearing behind a boulder in the back end of the cove. He snuck a look over his shoulder, spotting a figure at the top of the cove’s entrance.

A child.

He held his breath, peeking from the shadows, but the kid didn’t seem to have seen him, or the large black dragon currently breathing down his neck. Good. Now he just had to get out of here unseen as well.

“Hey, H!” - Hiccup’s heart skipped a beat, before he realised the kid’s name probably started with an H - “Not so fast!” he heard, coming from the forest once again.

He furrowed his brows, a surprised whisper escaping him. “Tuffnut?”

“I can do it myself!” the child - a boy - shouted back before he started to make his way down the cliff at the cove’s entrance.

“I know you can, but your mother will kill me if I let you,” the man repeated, and surely, Tuffnut Thorston appeared at the top of the cliff, gesturing at the boy, who was climbing down a lot faster than Hiccup would have assumed a child his size could.

“Tuffnut has a son?” he murmured, but Toothless just huffed, also clueless. “Kid doesn’t look much like him.”

Based on his length, the boy couldn’t be older than four, five at best. So he’d likely been born after the Phantom had left Berk. He searched his memory, wondering if he’d ever seen Tuffnut with a woman whose hair remotely resembled the kid’s unruly mop of auburn. He’d seen Tuffnut with many children today and yesterday, but when it came to a wife, he came up empty-handed.

“I didn’t think he even liked women to begin with,” he confessed, grinningly recalling the time Tuffnut had unknowingly flirted with the Phantom. “Guess we learn something new every day.”

“Then I want to fly down,” the boy insisted, pausing on the edge of one of the rocks, leaning forward and peering down in a way that made Hiccup’s stomach churn.

Tuffnut caught up with him, grabbing the boy’s arm and gently pulling him back. “You can’t fly. You’re not a dragon.”

“But I want to be a dragon!”

Tuffnut knelt down, putting his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “And I will still love you even if your breath smells like rotten fish, Little Hamster. But if you want to fly, you should grow some wings first.”

“So I should eat more raw fish?”

Hiccup grinned. Clever boy.

“No, then you’ll get sick, and we don’t want that, now do we?” The boy shook his head, his hair flopping around. “Although between you and me, it’s probably not that much worse than your mom’s cooking.”

“Berkian women and being bad cooks. Name a better duo,” Hiccup chuckled. He’d understood from his dad that his mom hadn’t been stellar, and Astrid surely couldn’t be called remotely talented either. He thought back to the fish stew she’d once tried to make, and instantly felt sympathy for Tuffnut’s situation.

The boy laughed loudly. “I’m gonna tell Mum you said that!”

“Go ahead, snitch,” Tuffnut teased, poking the boy’s chest. “I can take her on any day.”

The boy shook his head. “You can’t! No one can!”

“Are you doubting my mighty Thorston blood? There’s ‘Thor’ in my name for a reason, you know!” Tuffnut caught the boy in his arms, tickling him. “Are you, huh?”

“Stop!” the boy laughed, swatting at his father. “Uncle Tuff!”

Or not his father, then.

Hiccup bit his lip. Perhaps he was one of Ruffnut’s, then? But he thought he’d seen Snotlout with a girl of about the same age as the boy… Twins, then? They did run in the Thorston family, after all. Or perhaps they were siblings who weren’t that far apart, and one of them looked a lot older or younger than they actually were.

He felt he should leave, that he was peeking at something private, something he shouldn’t see. But he simply couldn’t. Instead, he quietly retrieved one of his Changewing skins and hung it over his head, allowing him to blend in with his surroundings and creep forward so he could get a better look. Behind him, Toothless warbled curiously, but he nudged the dragon back with his foot, telling him it wasn’t safe enough.

“Alright, wait here,” Tuffnut told the boy before he climbed down the remaining rocks, opening up his arms when he reached the bottom. “Ready when you are!”

The boy leapt forward, landing in Tuffnut’s arms. He spun the two of them around, keeping the boy high up in the air, making him squeal in delight until he finally put him down, Tuffnut visibly swaying on his feet as he tried to regain his balance.

Hiccup could see the comedic duo more clearly now. Tuffnut was still wearing his usual disorganised combination of a tunic, vest and lustrous assortment of spiked accessories. The boy was dressed way more conservatively, in a dark red tunic, half of it tucked into a pair of brown pants, the other half unintentionally hanging out, a leather satchel with the crest of Berk on it slung over his shoulder. Hiccup had always had good eyes - Astrid had noticed he could make out certain details from high up in the air, while she couldn’t - allowing him to spot the smattering of freckles on the bridge of the boy’s small nose, the tips of his big ears peeking through his copper hair and his forest green eyes, which curiously taking in his surroundings.

In a way, the boy struck him as oddly familiar. Then again, he had likely once met a Thorston who looked just like him, given how colourful and diverse - not just mentally - the family was. Tuffnut and Ruffnut were rather tame by comparison. Or so he’d been told, by enough sources to make the stories believable.

“Go on,” Tuffnut gestured in front of him as he sat down in the grass. “We’re here for you, after all.”

The boy adamantly shook his head. “Not for me. For Daddy.”

“Because you want to talk to him, Hamish,” Tuffnut pointed out.

Hamish. Huh. Hiccup could understand that name becoming fashionable again after he’d personally destroyed the portraits of his ancestors, Hamish I and Hamish II, five years ago. But it seemed like such an usual name for Ruffnut and Snotlout to give to their son. Especially if he was their firstborn son; then he was Snotlout’s heir… It’d be more logical for him to be named in the -lout tradition, but perhaps they had wanted to give off a clear sign by naming him after the great Haddock Chiefs, who had been defiled by their actual descendant.

How un-Thorstonly political.

The boy nodded and slowly walked forward to the edge of the pond, looking down and fidgeting with his hands. Eventually, he stopped in front of Hiccup’s remembrance stone, a bright lop-sided smile spreading across his face. “Hey Daddy.”

Hiccup furrowed his brows, because all of this was only making less and less sense the longer he watched. Was the boy’s father dead? And had his stone become a place to go to to think of other dead, or presumed-dead, people? Or those who simply weren’t around?

“Mama’s not here, but she said it’s okay if I go alone,” the boy - Hamish - continued.

Only to be corrected by Tuffnut. “If someone else goes with you!”

Hamish huffed, looking at Tuffnut. “But I know the way!”

“And you can go alone when you’re older. Until then, you can show an adult how to get here whenever you want,” Tuffnut quipped.

“I’m old enough,” Hamish insisted.

“I disagree. And so does your mother. And while she’s not the boss of me, she’s certainly the boss of you.”

Hamish frowned angrily, but Tuffnut simply grinned at him in response. “So what did you want to say to your dad?”

The boy wavered for a moment, his brows furrowed as he seemed to be thinking, but then his face opened up into a wide smile. He fumbled with his satchel, retrieving something black from it, and walked closer to the stone, proudly holding it up. Hiccup squinted, trying to make out what it was. And then the boy spoke.

“Look, Daddy, I brought Mini-Toothless!”

He only vaguely heard how Toothless purred in response to his name. Because right then, the ground underneath him disappeared, and the entire world along with it. Until there was nothing left but that boy, and the little statuette he held in his hands.

Of a Night Fury.

Which he’d carved and painted for Astrid as a Snoggletog present over five years ago.

“Mummy told me to take care of him while she’s gone -”

The boy’s mother was gone.

He’d given that statuette to Astrid.

And Astrid was gone too.

That boy was Astrid’s son.

But he didn’t have her beautiful blonde hair, her gorgeous blue eyes, her adorable but slightly oversized ears - no, he did have those, so Hamish could be hers, but then where did he get the rest? Hiccup thought she’d waited for him, that she…

“- like you take care of real Toothless!”

You.

The boy was talking to his father.

Who probably had auburn hair, and a pair of green eyes.

Who wasn’t there.

Whose dragon, named Toothless, was worriedly nudging Hiccup’s side, sensing his rider’s distress.

The boy was talking to him.

Because he was his father.

He hardly heard what the boy - Hamish, his son, named after his ancestors - said after that. He simply stared, unable to move, his breath coming out in short pants. Hamish rambled, his tiny hands moving along as he talked, as if this was completely ordinary to him, as if Hiccup’s - as if his father’s - world wasn’t completely falling apart at that very moment. Because it didn’t make sense.

How?

How…?

How!?  

He crumbled to the ground, pressing his hands to his ears, because he couldn’t listen, because this wasn’t happening. The Gods were playing a trick on him, or his mind was, yet again. He was seeing things, hearing things, deluding himself into picturing something that wasn’t there. That didn’t exist, that wasn’t true, because it couldn’t be true. He would’ve known if Astrid had been pregnant, he would’ve known if he was a father, she would have told him, he would have felt it.

It couldn’t be real. But no matter how often he pinched himself, they didn’t go away. The boy, Tuffnut, and the tiny wooden Night Fury stayed where they were. He wanted to flee, but he couldn’t, they would see him, and he didn’t know what happened if delusions spotted the person who was deluding them, not that that thought made much sense -

Oh Gods.

Oh, Gods.

He turned his eyes towards the sky, trying to snap himself out of it, to focus on anything but the scene in front of him. But the sun moved too slowly, and time along with it, so he wasted away, waiting, praying, asking the Gods what they’d brought down on him this time, until finally, his nightmarish visions left.

After scoldingly calling out the boy’s full name, Tuffnut picked him up, and, although reluctantly, the boy eventually stopped struggling, keeping Mini-Toothless clutched to his chest as Tuffnut carried him towards the cove’s exit. They exchanged some words, and the boy waved in the direction of the pond.

Hiccup only just prevented himself from waving back.

He couldn’t banish the boy’s name from his mind. Not even after he and Tuffnut had left, and Hiccup had jumped on Toothless’ back. Not even after they took to the air, the wind in his face not waking him up like he’d hoped it would.

So he simply flew West. Hoping to go back to the nightmare he’d come from. The one he was familiar with, the one he could deal with. Because he couldn’t handle this one.

Hamish Hofferson.

[crasherfly]

Weekly Update

It’s a privilege to write about personal shit this week.

There’s not much I can add to the conversation about the election, suffice to say it was both better and worse than expected, and I’m glad that society isn’t immediately collapsing, at least this week.

Which is to say I’ve never been so glad to focus on my stupid, deeply low-stakes life updates. Obviously, the future is still uncertain and there will be plenty of work to do in the days and years ahead, but a week ago, I wasn’t certain if I’d be witness to a reality where questions like “how did a week of not drinking go” and “what are you playing” still matter.

So without further ado...

It was a challenging week, obviously.

Not just the election- I’m talkin’ for like- EVERYTHING. Home life. Work life. Creative life. I could go on. You get the idea.

I went on full blown quarantine as of last Friday after learning a member of my household may have covid. You wouldn’t think it was much of a change from my normal every day, but man, I did not realize just how many little things were working together to keep my sanity together.

A short list- weekend walks to pick up morning coffee, Friday night carry-out sushi and pizza, my weekly groceries at the co-op, and most importantly- trips to the weight room- all suddenly off the table until testing results come in. 

In my state, testing often requires booking at least 3 days in advance, and it can take another 3-4 days just to get results back. Luckily, everyone in my home works remotely, so this doesn’t put us out too bad. I can’t imagine now non-remote workers manage. Even so, having to toss all the precious little things I’d managed to keep despite the pandemic stung. I even had to put my wrestling watch parties on hold- they took place on Discord, but one of my friends would normally come over to watch. 

I’ve worked through a lot of huffy anger and annoyance over the course of the past few days. Losing my ability to get to the gym as the weather turns especially hurts. As a weight lifter, I’m pretty reliant on what the gym offers. Early into the pandemic I got a lot of folks snidely telling me to go lift paint cans. I resisted the temptation to tell them they could in turn pay for my back surgery. Thanks to the pandemic I’ve learned that the gym is actually a need for me, emotionally and physically. Losing it, even for a week, feels awful. I can’t wait to get back to it. 

Until then, jogging and biking will have to suffice.

One positive- I’ve gone a week without drinking!

Based on my tracking, that’s actually the longest I’ve since June, which is nuts.

Predictably, I have gained weight. Because no good deed goes unpunished. 

I don’t know if I’d say I notice any life-changing effects yet. For all I know, my body is still adjusting to the sudden absence of all the shit it’s normally used to working in overdrive to break down.

A few things I’ve noticed- my runs are going slightly better, I can stay up later working on games or creative endeavors, and I’m actually experiencing REM cycles again- meaning I’m dreaming, and dreaming vividly. I also get incredibly hungry around 10:30 every night- because, surprise!- that’s when I’d normally sit down with a beer or glass of sake. So I’m working on finding ways around that.

I can’t say I’ve felt a huge urge to drink. I occasionally wonder when, or indeed if, I’ll grab a glass of beer again any time soon. But beyond that, it’s been pretty easy to lay off. The fatigue alone was just such a pain to work through, not to mention the way a glass of beer would just kinda pin me into place for the rest of the night. I like how active my brain is now in the late hours.

But I do watch a lot less anime now :(

On that note, here’s what I’ve been playing lately!

Outer Worlds (XBONE)

So, you probably missed it last post- probably ‘cuz I forgot to write about it in my first draft, but I wrote about my Total Kill Run that I just wrapped up in Outer Worlds. 

The short and dirty version for those of you who can’t be bothered to go back and read- I tried to do a run where I killed every NPC in Outer Worlds, a space RPG from the Obsidian, and instead got sidetracked with completing the nefarious Board’s story and ended up doing a Board run instead. 

I was surprised by how humor and wit the game brings to its commentary on your wanton slaughter. The devs were not bluffing when they said you could kill anyone and anything in Outer Wilds and they even prepared a few nice moments in anticipation that some players would try.

I was disappointed to find that the Board’s mission- and indeed, some of the progression points I followed on my own go-it-alone-and-kill-everything story, mirrored the Good Guy story beat-for-beat, basically shrugging and saying “well, you’re gonna do this anyway, like it or not”. At several given points you can kill everyone you like- but you’ll still have to find that keycard, access that terminal, or visit that far off map point now matter how hard you try to get out of it.

I was finally struck by how little I missed. I skipped A LOT of stuff- almost every sidequest and all the companion quests. And you know what? I had a fine time. I might even say I had a better time. So much time in Outer Wilds is devoted to fetching, traveling, and sitting in load screens. Turns out you do less of all of that when you just go guns blazing into every civilized map.

Some friends earlier this week were talking about revisiting old Bethesda-style RPGs like Fallout: New Vegas and Skyrim. It got me thinking about whether or not I would bother doing that myself any time soon. It’s true those are better games than Outer Worlds. But if the point of Outer Worlds is to echo those positive experiences so closely...what does my recent experience say about the source of that reflection?

Just a thought I’m chewing on. I don’t have a good answer. But feel free to HMU if you have your own thoughts!

NeoGeo Arcade Stick Pro- Art of Fighting, Samurai Shodown, Fatal Fury, World Heroes 2

Friday night I sat down at my desk, dimmed the lights and hooked up my NeoGeo Arcade Stick Pro. On my second monitor, I brought up move lists for King of Fighters ‘95 and started my fighting game learning journey.

I did OK, in my opinion. I stuck to just learning the hero team- Kyo, Daimon, and Benimaru. I even managed to trigger a few level 1 supers. I think I could safely beat the average player at an arcade now- but there’s definitely plenty of system I came nowhere close to learning all the ins and outs. However, after trying out a few subsequent KOF games, it seems like my learning should transfer forward.

I also tried out a few other games on the stick. Art of Fighting and Fatal Fury aren’t games I’ve had prior exposure to. In my experience, they seemed a little slower than KOF. The command lists were definitely shorter. Samurai Shodown was absolutely gorgeous and felt really, really good to play. I could see getting really into it. 

My big highlight was World Heroes 2, which I ended up playing most of the night. It’s a bit sillier than the previously noted titles, but it has a really fun roster and a good, medium-sized move list that isn’t too taxing to remember. I had seen some of the characters, like Johnny Maximum, on the Spriteclub roster, so it was cool to see them in their native environment.

Overall, the Arcade Stick Pro is holding up nicely. The stick itself is solid, and the deck is a natural fit on my lap or desktop. I’m not noticing any serious input lag and the buttons seem really responsive. Of all my retro consoles, this might become one of my favorites.

Endless Space 2

AMPLITUDE’s 4x sci-fi has entered hallowed realms of my “Games I will Be Playing 20 Years From Now” list. A massive, sprawling turn-based strategy about managing a spacefaring empire, Endless Space 2 is great for those weeks where I want to play a 4X that I can resolve within 20 hours.

For my most recent run, I once again took up my favored faction, the Riftborn. Every game is a learning experience, so this time around I was determine to try and tackle the massive and deeply inconvenient quests that Endless Space 2 mercilessly slews at you every_damn_turn.

I was mostly successful. I didn’t finish my faction’s quest, but I did complete the Academy quests. Throughout every game the Academy looms as this impartial faction that hires out heroes and provides boons to those who donate resources to it. In the endgame, the Academy offers a quest that forces every active civilization to choose sides regardless of existing alliances. Depending on the results, the last phases of Endless Space 2 can look very different

I finished the questline, unlocked a cool cinematic and learned that next time I should definitely not ignore those quests, however obnoxious they might be. The faction buffs earned from successful completion are....pretty wild.

Sunless Skies

Another week, another dead captain in Sunless Skies. This captain had a particularly long run- I had managed about...15 hours with him before losing him to some enemies that I was not at all prepared to fight. Death comes quick in Sunless Skies- a single bad decision can lead to swift death.

This run I at least managed to bank a ton of valuable supplies and upgrade my engine. My next captain will have a better shot as a result. I’m not sure when I’ll pick the game back up. After a particularly long run I usually take a long break- weeks or even months. We’ll just see what happens.

Pokemon Shield

I’ve finally, FINALLY beaten the endgame of Pokemon Shield. At least, I think I have. I’m sure there’s a few more things to do here or there, but for the most part, I think I’m done. I beat the champion and saw the credits roll. There’s some DLC to visit and more ‘mon to catch, but mostly, I’m done.

I had the opportunity to take care of some trade evolutions and partake in a friendly battle with a friend. It was the first time I’ve done that since...I kid you not...the playground in 5th grade.

It was...really fun?

I’m a deeply casual pokemon player. I don’t search for shiny ‘mon or suss out perfect numbers. I just use who I think looks cool and I try to keep type and consideration in mind. As a result, my friend and I had to agree on some ground rules for average levels- but the result was a compelling match.

I found myself afterwards making plans for another battle night. This tends to happen in November- I get really into Pokemon again for a few weeks. Historically, this is ‘cuz I’m normally traveling a lot for the holidays. That won’t be true this year, but old habits die hard.

Maybe I’ll even bust out my 3DS again soon. Who knows?

Quest 2: Revisited

Last week, I posted some thoughts about the Oculus Quest 2. I’ve spent another week with the headset, testing some new features and trying some more involved experiences. I’m happy to report my thoughts on the machine are still positive.

If anything, my impressions are MORE positive than before. My eyes have grown used to the world of VR. I’ve found a setting on the out-of-box headstrap that I don’t hate. And I’m finding more experiences than I initially suspected I might.

I’ve had a change to run the Link option, for instance, which allows you to use your Quest 2 as a Rift. It’s actually pretty seamless, requiring only a good desktop and a USB cable. My cable seemed to suffer from some bad speeds, so my experience was pretty laggy, but with an approved cable, I have no doubt the Quest 2 could handle just about anything you throw at it.

I finished Superhot, and have only raving reviews to offer. It is a perfect introduction to all the Quest 2 can do. Given limited space, Superhot places you in do-or-die situations where you must dodge, duck and shoot your way through enemies. When you move- time movies- so you will often find yourself forced to take stock of your surroundings before making your next step.  

It is sharp, offers a great mix of puzzle solving and brisk action, and even serves as an ad-hoc workout. Picking it up with your Quest 2 is a must.

Encouraged by Superhot, I gave Job Simulator a try. It is a zany VR experience that humorously simulates a number of white collar job environments. It is short, funny, and with no shortage of silly interactions. I spent several minutes in my digital office cube shooting staples into neighboring cubes and giggling at the angry responses of my co-workers. WHO THREW THAT. STAND UP.

Finally, I’ve taken some time to try and get into the streaming world beyond the Mozilla app. It has been both encouraging and...well, not so much. I’ve mostly been dinking around in Bigscreen, an app that offers a number of Pluto TV channels in digital theater environments. You log into a room with other people, who appear as avatars, and you all watch the shows together.

Well, sorta. Most people don’t really watch the shows so much as they throw digital tomatoes at the screen and shout upsetting shit at each other. The server population seems really low, so the massive theaters take on the quality of a creepy XXX cinema, where one always feels a bit apprehensive of who they might meet.

At its best, Bigscreen is genuinely funny. I’ve made nightly stops at the Star Trek theater, which plays old reruns of Next Generation. The most enjoyable moments come in the spirit of MST3K, with witty comments and memes as people throw digital refreshments at the screen. I’ve found myself giggling despite myself.

At its worst, Bigscreen is a deeply racist and sexist hideaway full of the types of folks you’d normally shush the hell out of in a real theater. You can mute people, but it’s a tedious task. A reporting function also exists, but who knows how or if its being enforced at all. Finally, unless you’re doing a film rental, you’re going to be subjected to commercials on everything from erectile pills to The Blaze. I’ve described it to others as being Peak Late Night Cable: The App. If that appeals to you, well, it’s there and it’s free.

I’ve tried streaming my desktop, both on Bigscreen and via Oculus Link. Both were very laggy. There’s a very popular desktop streaming app I could try, but it costs IRL money. Honestly, most of what I’d want out of my desktop streaming I already get from Mozilla. 

I like the Quest 2 a lot. I hope we see more experiences tailored specifically to it, as opposed to through the Link function or via desktop streaming.

Dungeons and Dragons

I finally wrapped up my improv sessions with my local DND group. Having just finished The Lost Mines of Phandelver, I wanted to take some time between campaigns to improv and get off the grid a bit.

The result was 4 sessions, 2 hours each, where I had nothing prepared in advance and I let my players take the lead. I gave them a map I’d built of the region and told them we could go anywhere they like.

My party ended up splitting into two groups- one heading to Castle Grayhawk, and one to Neverwinter. Antics ensued, personal quests furthered, and by the end, everyone felt ready for our next adventure at the Salt Marshes.

An interesting takeaway- when doing improv sessions, I had almost zero fights. I never once broke out the battleboard and only a handful of attack rolls were even attempted. 

I, personally, like combat a great deal. So I don’t think that will be my style forever. But it was interesting to see what my sessions could look like without it, especially after such a combat-heavy campaign.

Anime

I’ll be honest- I’ve fallen really behind on this season’s anime. I have so many hobbies, and one thing gets shoved aside for another, necessarily so. This time, it’s anime and manga. I promise I’ll get back on the horse soon.

As the year winds down, I’m already thinking about my experiences over the past year and what my end of the year experience list will look like.

I’ve seen so many amazing titles this year.

Like, I get deeply, viscerally emotional when I think about Re:Zero. 

My heart races as I think of the thrilling high points of Tower of God.

I delight in my inner goth kid as I ruminate in experiences like Gleipnir and Berserk.

I’m going to have a lot to talk about. Just thinking about it motivates me to get out there and see more.

[pens-swords-stuff]

I feel like I should remind everyone that I actually write sometimes too — shocking, I know. So here’s a thing I wrote a long time ago, just to pretend that I’m a real Writeblr for a bit.

If there ever was a reason to be grateful, it was that Blake lives in a time where coffee and other sources of caffeine are readily available. Although it was just before 9 o'clock in the morning, she was already half-way through her second mug and a small tower of used creamers were stacked unevenly at the corner of her desk. Damn those early morning meetings; was it really necessary to gather everyone under the age of twenty-five early in the morning to discuss the implications of retweets? The Capital was full of old, decrepit people who would still use fax machines if they could. At this point, Blake was sure she was spending more time teaching her superiors how to use computers instead of her actual job.

And they said that the life of a journalist wasn't glamourous.

Her desk was full of unfinished drafts, photographs, and other piles of papers stacked haphazardly over every inch of the surface. With a sigh, Blake just piled the existing piles on top of each other to create a precarious mountain of paper to clear out some space. It was organized chaos at its finest — her desk may be a mess, but she knew where everything was... Or at least she hoped.

With a heavy sigh and tapping fingers fueled by coffee jitters, Blake impatiently waited for her computer to load web pages. Fingers automatically typed up ‘twitter.com’ into the address bar, but she thought better of it and quickly hit backspace. After lecturing a sixty-year old crusty, balding man on how to navigate the 'tweeter-sphere', she really wasn't in the mood to revisit the social media site and its apparently impossible-to-use interface.

When she logged into her email account, it was no surprise that hundreds of unread emails were blinking on the browser. 317 emails to be exact, the red bubble notification on her phone had been mocking her for days now. Wearily, Blake started clicking and manually sorting through useful emails and trash that didn't even need to be read. Passive-aggressive work memos from loud coworkers (shut up Patricia, no one cares about your lunch), junk mail (there's a sale going on in a nearby department store apparently), and death threats (only 12 emails, significantly less than yesterday) were among the ones immediately deleted without even opening.

Several rapid clicks later, her inbox was emptied of all unnecessary emails, and she could focus on what actually mattered — once she sorted through all of the false leads, that is. Days ago, Blake had published a request for the Other to contact her if they wanted their stories heard. It was a good idea in theory to gather information and first-hand accounts, but she really, really should've seen the amount of humans pretending to be the Other coming. Internet anonymity was a bitch, and a lot of trolls, people that were obsessed with the Other and bored humans who had way too much time on their hands were claiming to be special.

Somehow, Blake sincerely doubted that a real vampire or werewolf would throw in blatant Twilight or Vampire Diaries references into these emails. Just a hunch. On the off chance that they were truly what they said they were, it wasn't the type of person (could they still be called a person?) she wanted to write about. Now that article would immediately become the laughing stock of the internet. Blake's mouse hovered over the trash can icon for a long second as she fought the urge to delete the lot of them. Duty won out, just in case she was deleting important information. The things she would do for a story...

There was one email in particular however, that seemed more genuine for whatever reason. Call it journalist's intuition, or just a lack of modern (if slightly outdated) pop culture references.

Dear B. Preston, Apologies for the throwaway email address – I don’t like paper trails. I saw your call for stories from the Other in The Capital, and after serious deliberation, I have decided to express my own interest in the project. I am a vampire of not insignificant experience who would be willing to answer any questions you might have, from my condition in general to my personal history, so long as the result is anonymised. As this is uncharted territory for the both of us, and perhaps even both our kinds, I am an unsure as to whether the best medium would be in writing or an in-person interview. Whichever option you would feel more comfortable with. Obviously, dining with the stuff of nightmares isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Looking forward to your reply. Sincerely, Someone who would rather not sign his name in writing.

Blake leaned back into her office chair as she read and reread that email, thoughtfully chewing off the lipstick she had hastily smeared on so that she could claim that she cared about appearances. It was impossible to gleam whether this email rang true or not, but there was something different about this one that felt like it was worth following up on — at least the throwaway email wasn't something like totallyabloodsucker69 that she saw about three emails prior.

After quickly doing her carpal tunnel prevention hand stretches, Blake wrote out a long reply, then went back and deleted an entire unnecessary paragraph and several other snarky comments that had just slipped out. She was a professional, and should probably act as such. No need to scare off a potential vampire contact — as silly as that sounds.

Dear someone who would rather not sign their name in writing, Thank you for your response, your willingness to share your story to the public is greatly appreciated. I can promise it will be put to good use. An in-person interview probably would work best, if only to be able to say that I've confirmed that you're a vampire in person. It's far too easy for people to pretend to be something they're not online — there's simply not enough credibility over the internet. I conduct a lot of interviews over at The Daily Grind for the casual atmosphere, but I'm open to any alternatives you have in mind. I've attached my schedule to this email, let me know when you're available. And finally as a formality — and I honestly have no idea what I'm looking for — is there any way you can send me proof of your claim? As mentioned before, there are far too many people pretending to be anything other than human. Regards, Blake Preston.

Perhaps only a split-second after she hit send, a roar of "Preston, turn the radio on now!" was shouted at her from behind. Blake spun around in her chair in alarm, staring at Jones who just barged through the door with wild, panicked eyes.

"What are you——"

"Do it! Now!"

Jones didn't even give Blake another moment to respond as he flew forward to fiddle the radio to the right broadcast, not bothering to wait for the shocked journalist to catch up to his intensity. Precious few seconds were evidently lost as Jones' fumbling fingers finally managed to push the right set of buttons. Blake actually listened to On the Edge radio quite often, but an unfamiliar voice flowed through the speakers.

Think of the teenagers lost during Nick Bloodfang’s rampage: three young girls, on their way home from a party on the wrong night of the lunar cycle, left for dead. That is only the tip of the iceberg...

Though she didn't quite understand what was going on yet, Blake turned on the recording function of her phone after seeing Jones frantically gesticulated to her. Blake's brows were knit in confusion as she listened to the broadcast. Something wasn't right, something didn't feel right.

Blake's jaw dropped along with her stomach as the 'segment' ended with a human call for action. It was pathos at its finest, playing up on the fear that she knew swept throughout the humans when the Other first came to light a month or so ago. Even though the current position of most people was uncertain, tension and fear grated roughly on most humans that she knew. Jones and Blake shared a slack-jawed stare of disbelief.

This was hate speech, inciting people to violent acts because they painted the Other as mere criminals with no other purpose besides murdering innocent people.

By the time Louise's voice came back on the air, Blake snapped out of her stupor to open a brand new word document on her computer. Although the highjack had ended only seconds before, she was already replaying it on her phone as her fingers flew over the keyboard, transcribing it to the best of her ability. "I can't believe I missed the bloody beginning. Colin, did you get——"

Blake's fingers kept moving as she glanced over to her partner's desk, suspiciously empty and untouched since yesterday.

"Where the hell is Colin!?"

[pickalilywrites]

i read a prompt wrong and wrote the wrong fic for it so imma just toss this one out to the void i’m sorry!!! orz

Ten Years Later

EreTra. High School Reunion AU. 

1752 words. 

Buy me a ko-fi!

Eren hadn’t planned on attending his high school reunion. He still keeps up with his old high school friends, and he’s friends with his old teachers, most of them who have already retired, but he didn’t really have any desire to revisit his youth. Aside from the typical pranks and shenanigans, high school wasn’t particularly memorable to him. When he had received an invitation to the reunion party a few months ago, he had planned on just throwing it away. It was only when he stumbled upon a particular post on Facebook that he changed his mind, and he scrambled to his recycling bin to dig out the invitation. He RSVP’d immediately after that and wrote the date on his calendar. Ever since then, he counted down the days until his high school reunion, telling himself that he was eager to see his old high school and former classmates, but he was really only interested in seeing one person in particular.

He sees her first, but he doesn’t approach her. He keeps her in the corner of his eye, watching as she talks to former classmates and teachers, both new and old. He intends not to approach her at all, thinking that it might be better just to watch her from a distance, but a part of him wants her to notice him. It must be why he doesn’t stay in the corner of the gymnasium, hidden behind the crowd of people. Eventually, he finds himself drifting closer and closer to her. When they’re close enough, he pretends to be occupied with the variety of refreshments that have been set on the table, and when she finally sees him, he pretends to be surprised.

“Eren! I didn’t know you were coming!”

He turns around, feigning shock for a second, and then breaks into a wide grin. “Why wouldn’t I be here, Petra?” he asks. He stands up straighter when the short, ginger woman approaches him, towering over her. He had always been taller than her, but it seems he’s grown even taller since he had last seen her. “This is my high school reunion, after all. It makes more sense for me to be here than you.”

“I guess that’s true,” she laughs. Although they had gone to high school together, Petra was two years older than him – a senior when he was a sophomore. It was during his second year that he had met her while she was working after school as an English tutor, and he had spent far too many afternoons at the library asking her to proofread his essays. “I’m only here to chaperone. You know that I became a teacher?”

“I think I saw that on Facebook,” he says with a smile. He’s known about it ever since she had first announced it, but he only pretends as if he’s just recalling this fact. He thinks it suits her incredibly well – working with kids, preparing essay prompts, proofreading late into the night – but complimenting her would surely give him away. Instead, he asks, “At this school, right? It must be weird to teach at a school that you used to go to.”

“A little bit. I still feel weird being so casual with Pixis. He insists that I call him by his first name, but I don’t think I ever could,” Petra laughs. She glances behind her where the old history teacher was currently talking to other teachers before turning back to Eren. When she smiles, he finds that his heart still flutters the same way it did when he was a high schooler. “What about you? Did you ever become a great writer?”

“No,” Eren replies with an apologetic shrug. He looks down at the floor, shuffling his feet. “I became a police officer, actually.”

Petra raises her eyebrows in surprise. “A police officer?” she repeats, tilting her head. She studies him for a second before smiling again. “It makes sense now that I think about it. It really suits you.”

“Yeah?” Eren grins. He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I actually did do a few writing competitions in college. I won a couple too.”

“Really?” Petra asks excitedly, clasping her hands together. “I always loved your writing. It was always so passionate. I can only imagine that it’s gotten better over the years.”

Truth be told, Eren didn’t really like writing until he met her. He was never good at academics and was content with the B’s and C’s he received in his classes. The only reason he even went to tutoring in his sophomore year was because he couldn’t afford to fail his English class. When he had arrived at the library and given his half-assed essay to the cute upperclassman, he was afraid she would laugh at him. While she read his paper, eyes narrowed and a pensive frown on her face, he fidgeted in the seat across from her, waiting to hear her critiques. When she had finally placed the paper down in front of him – scribbles of light blue notes all over the margins – he was sure she would tell him that it was hopeless, but she simply pointed out sections of his writing he should highlight, even praising him for the way he used language, before giving him a few pointers on how to better organize his thoughts. By the time Petra had told Eren she was looking forward to reading his next draft, he was already planning how he would edit his essay, which was something that had never happened before. He thinks that was when he fell in love with her – when she told him she was excited to see him again.

“I still write sometimes. Not a lot, but every once in a while,” he tells her. Letters, mostly, all addressed to her, but he would never think of letting her read them even though he knows she would cherish every word. He keeps them in a shoebox under his bed where no one except for him knows about them.

“I’m glad,” she says. He loves that look on her face – that small smile, the way her amber eyes soften, and that slight tilt of her head as she looks at him – and remembers how she would wear that same expression when he had told her he had gotten an A on his paper.

This is the part where he should say goodbye before he says too much, but he doesn’t want to part ways just yet. Wistfully, he glances at the dancefloor where people are dancing to something soft and slow. He should know better than to extend his hand to her, inviting her for just one dance, but he does anyway, and he’s over the moon when she accepts.

They dance together, but Eren feels as if they’re floating. He wonders if he’s smiling too much, and he wonders if she notices. She probably doesn’t; she hadn’t noticed all those years ago, and she certainly won’t now. She doesn’t notice that he gazes at her with affection meant for more than a friend, or that he places his hand on her waist so sweetly and delicately. She doesn’t notice how he leads her across the room, careful not to step on her toes. She doesn’t notice how he looks at her, admiring her in her green and black dress – more casual than what anyone else is wearing, but he thinks she looks the most stunning out of everyone in the room. And she doesn’t notice at the rueful expression on his face when he glances at the diamond on her ring finger, wishing he had been the one to bestow the jewel on her.

They reminisce about their youth, catch up on their present, and contemplate about their futures. Hearing her stories, listening to her laugh, seeing her smile, it makes Eren regret never reaching out to her after she graduated, believing that seeing her occasional social media updates would be enough. He thinks, for a moment, that everything would have been different if he had called her at least once. Maybe she wouldn’t have been oblivious to his feelings towards her. Maybe she would have understood all those longing looks he gave her. Maybe it would be his ring sitting on her finger instead of someone else’s. But he knows that none of this is true.

The music fades, something more energetic and upbeat taking its place, but Eren’s hands fall away from her and he puts them back in his pocket, knowing that he has overstepped the boundaries he had set. They stand across from each other, a small distance between them. It’s a distance that Eren wishes he could close, but he knows he never will.

“It was great seeing you again, Petra,” he says, and he genuinely means it.

“It was nice seeing you too,” Petra smiles. She looks over his shoulder, waving at someone behind him. To Eren, she says, “My husband looks like he wants me. Isn’t he so needy? He hates places like these, but he still came anyway because he didn’t want to be at home alone.”

“You should go to him,” he tells her with a polite smile. Eren doesn’t turn around. He has no desire to see her husband. He’s already seen her wedding photos on her Facebook; she married her high school boyfriend, and she was happy. That’s all he really needs to know.

“Yeah,” she laughs. She moves past him, turning around to give him a small wave. “Have fun tonight, Eren! Maybe we can see each other later!”

He doesn’t think so. He thinks he’s going to head out early, but he doesn’t say that out loud. He simply waves at her instead before making his way out of the building. The cool night air hits his skin. He closes his eyes, breathing it in.

It’s strange. Ten years later, and he still feels his heart race when he sees her the same way it did when they were high schoolers. In the end, he never managed to confess his feelings to her, but that doesn’t really matter. He had done what he had meant to do – see her and see if she was happy. And it was nice, seeing her again. Now he could rest easy knowing that she was content with her life. He can close that chapter in his life. But he knows he never will. Not really.

[ninewheels]

All right, let’s do some Wild Guessing and Drastically Over-Reading this fucking poster because I’ve had an ambien and this is just the kind of person I am.

So, the gradual build of information has led to this as our core cast for Endgame: the Original Six Avengers (this being their swan song, as a group and for most of them as individuals too probably), Rhodey, Nebula, Rocket, and Scott--all the headliners who survived the snap--plus Carol.

Toward the end of the trailer we see Steve, Tony, Nat, Clint, Nebula, Rhodey, and Scott in those white suits, presumably designed for travel in the Quantum Realm based on their similarity to Hank’s suit from Ant-Man and the Wasp, and based on the fact that their party now has a member (Scott) who knows about  the Quantum Realm, previously established to be very wibbly-wobbly and timey-wimey, and therefore possibly useful for our heroes’ almost-certain plan, to save the day by going back in time to stop the snap from happening in the first place. (There’s a million little bits of evidence hinting that it’s time travel, I won’t talk about all the sources.) We don’t see Thor, Bruce/Hulk, and Rocket in those suits, but toybox art leaks reveal all three of them suited up, so we know that happens at some point. We don’t see Carol in that scene at all, and there’s no photo evidence of her putting on a Quantum Suit, so maybe she’s getting through the Quantum Realm with her cosmic space radiation powers, or maybe she’s just not going. Either way, the other 10 characters are suited up and ready to go on some mission that we don’t see any of because, as was mentioned months ago by Feige, the marketing for this film is restricting itself mostly to footage from the first 15 minutes of the film; if we accept the informed guess that the main plot of the film will be the Avengers traveling through space and time to find a way to stop Thanos before the snap happens, the more concrete cut-off point could just be the end of the first act, when the mission actually begins. However exactly it shakes out, it seems pretty certain that this is our core team. That’s our current Avengers lineup, featuring Special Guest Star Party Member Carol to some extent or another.

This is reinforced by the poster. The characters featured on this poster are those 11 heroes, Thanos himself... and one other conspicuous inclusion: Okoye. The original poster featured her on it, but did not list Danai Gurira’s name at the top, an oddity that Marvel was quick to remedy when people started protesting. But for my part, I’m still wondering what it means that she gets to be on the poster, even though only the 12 obvious leads got credited above the title at first. Could her inclusion be a nod to the fact that she is one of only two supporting characters to be shown surviving the snap at the end of Infinity War? It’s just her and M’Baku, although I would not personally think much of him in this context as he is a decidedly less important character than Okoye in the grand scheme of the MCU.

While on the first draft of this poster Danai Gurira’s name was not at the top, it was (and is) listed in the credits at the bottom of the poster. See for yourself: Danai Gurira, Benedict Wong, Jon Favreau, then it lists Bradley Cooper as Rocket, and then “with Gwyneth Paltrow” right before “with Josh Brolin”. First of all, note than Josh Brolin still has the “with” billing he had on the Infinity War poster (where Chris Pratt got the “and” for some baffling reason). Aside from brief archive footage shots from Infinity War of Sam and Wanda dusting away, the characters who have been dusted have been completely absent from marketing so far. Though it’s far from a secret that the dusted characters are going to come back and appear in some form in this film, I think the idea that the marketing is sticking to the first act of the film might be more than just “no footage from after a certain timestamp”, it might actually be an overall philosophy that guides details of what appears on the posters.

Side note: I firmly believe that this film will end with everyone dusted in Infinity War coming back to life in exchange for the sacrifice of some (maybe many) of the surviving characters, based on who Marvel is ready to put to rest for good and willing to let die as opposed to retire from superhero-ing. I subsequently firmly believe that the first portion of the end credits will not only list the actors listed on the poster, but also restore to their Infinity War billing all of the actors whose characters got dusted last time, as a symbolic thing.

Okoye is definitely alive at the end of Infinity War. I’m gonna guess that Shuri is dead because if she isn’t, then Shuri is Queen of Wakanda, and that’s a plot point Marvel doesn’t want to bring up only for it to become a glorified easter egg in a film about completely different things. Meanwhile, Shuri being dead means there is no clear heir to the throne of Wakanda, putting the country in disarray, adding to the Darkest Timeline vibe that Endgame is starting with, and also giving Okoye a pretty compelling reason to not leave Wakanda to help the gang on their mission. Not that I ever thought she was going to be a part of the team, but the question now is why is she important enough to get her face on the poster as a thirteenth-wheel? And why are Pepper, Happy, and Wong important enough to have their actors listed after the headliners in the bottom credits? Could it be that they and Okoye are the only supporting characters still alive in post-snap world? Pepper, Wong, and Okoye would be the only other surviving major characters from Infinity War, and Happy wasn’t in Infinity War but he’s been around a lot since the beginning of the MCU, so he’s still relevant enough. Maybe that’s all there is to it. Maybe these are simply the only other major characters we’re going to see before whatever story cut-off point they’ve picked to dictate the marketing strategy. I definitely don’t think all four are all going to have a lot of screen-time or much to do. That still leaves the mystery of why, out of those four, Okoye was singled out to be on the poster. The most logical theory is also the most boring and cynical, which is that they wanted to add some variety to a mostly-male, almost all-white cast ensemble, and picked the only WOC left for the optics. That said, I would like to think there is a real reason for her to be up there based on the content of her role in the film. I’d like to think Okoye’s going to do at least one plot-relevant thing, but damned if I can figure out what it is. After all, whether Shuri is alive or not, I cannot see her abandoning her post at Wakanda. Maybe she’ll have a beefed up role on the other end of the film when they (will probably) have to revisit the Battle of Wakanda to keep Thanos from snapping.

Final note: I know I’m not the first person to point this out, but this is the first time that Mark Ruffalo has gotten to have his own real face on a main poster. He got a character single for the first Avengers with his own face on it, but every appearance he’s made on the primary poster for a given film has been in Hulk form. As far as I see it, this could be either a case of “let Mark show his real face because this is his last time” OR “Mark has to show his real face because Hulk doesn’t show up until later in the movie”.

[artemis-entreri]

[[ A new title appeared on publication websites today. Timeless by R. A. Salvatore is slated to be released on Sep 18, 2018 through HarperCollins. Earlier, a book synopsis was posted with the page count, book dimensions and ISBN on Edelweiss’ entry for Timeless, but it has since been taken down at Salvatore’s request. 

Before it disappeared, the synopsis read:

At long last, New York Times bestselling author R. A. Salvatore returns with one of fantasy’s most beloved and enduring icons, the dark elf Drizzt Do’Urden, in an all-new trilogy full of swordplay, danger, and imaginative thrills Centuries ago, in the city of Menzoberranzan, the City of Spiders, the City of Drow, nestled deep in the unmerciful Underdark of Toril, a young weapon master earned a reputation far above his station or that of his poor house. The greater nobles watched him, and one matron, in particular, decided to take him as her own. She connived with rival great houses to secure her prize, but that prize was caught for her by another, who came to quite enjoy the weapon master. This was the beginning of the friendship between Zaknafein and Jarlaxle, and the coupling of Matron Malice and the weapon master who would sire Drizzt Do’Urden. R. A. Salvatore reveals the Underdark anew through the eyes of Zaknafein and Jarlaxle—an introduction to the darkness that offers a fresh view of the opportunities to be found in the shadows and an intriguing prelude to the intriguing escapes that lie ahead in the modern-day Forgotten Realms. Here, a father and his son are reunited and embark on adventures that parallel the trials of centuries long past as the friends of old are joined by Drizzt, Hero of the North, trained by Grandmaster Kane in the ways of the monk. But the scourge of the dangerous Lolth’s ambitions remain, and demons have been foisted on the unwitting of the surface. The resulting chaos and war will prove to be the greatest challenge for all three.

There’s still much uncertainty, and the many questions abound can only be answered definitively with officially released information as the release date draws closer. Salvatore and anyone else in the know are bound by NDAs to not reveal anything, be it confirmation or denial. When asked about the appearance of this new title, Salvatore had this to say:

This kind of placeholder has been put up a dozen times before for me (even in negotiations, a publisher will often slot a potential book) and I've never heard a peep.

Furthermore, James Lowder added:

To further emphasize that nothing can be known for certain currently, Lowder explained:

When asked why the placeholder already has a name, Lowder further explained:

However, here is what we do know, some of which are recaps of things that I’d already shared in the past:

- Wizards of the Coast stopped renewing novel contracts in 2016, leading many to believe that the Forgotten Realms novel line was officially dead. The total number of novel releases had already been massively cut down from what they were in the past. There was no news of anything on the horizon following the  “final” book releases from Erin M. Evans, Ed Greenwood, and R. A. Salvatore. Furthermore, these books had conclusive tones, which further supported the theory that novels were being stopped. It wasn’t until late last year, October 6, 2017, did D&D Director Nathan Stewart reveal in a Fireside Chat session that new fiction was definitely forthcoming. Aside from this, there’s been no information.

- Timeless will be published by HarperCollins, whose website includes “drizzt” in the URL (see above screenshot from HarperCollins’ website, Harper Voyager). This would be the first time that we’re seeing an official Forgotten Realms novel published by someone other than WotC. While WotC and TSR before it published their own novels, WotC is owned by Hasbro, which is a game company that probably isn’t the best suited for (or most interested) in novel publication. WotC has licensed its intellectual property through other publication companies in the past, and it’s not unusual for a game company to license its novels to other publishers.

- In the past, there had been Forgotten Realms novels that were similarly previewed and set up for publication, but ended up never released to the public (i.e. Shores of Dusk). Work had always been put in to the point of draft manuscripts first.

- Hero was released on October 25, 2016, and along with Maestro, released on April 5, 2016, offset the March/September release schedule for the biannual Drizzt book releases by a month. Timeless, slated to be released on September 18, 2018, would recommence the original publication schedule. Salvatore takes a little under a year to write a novel, and the release date is for 7 months from now.

- Salvatore has long expressed interest in writing a Jarlaxle and Zaknafein prequel, however publication of such a work had been rendered difficult by both the termination of the novel contracts as well as WotC’s stance on focusing in the current timeline moving forward and not backtracking to revisit older lore. However, workarounds to this policy do exist, in which past lore was revisited alongside present lore, as seen in Ed Greenwood’s Elminster in Hell. 

So, what does all of this mean? Here is my personal take on it. Please note that the following is SPECULATION. While I try to make my most educated guesses, I don’t know any more than what I’ve presented already in this post.

I believe that we are indeed seeing the return of the Drizzt franchise. The drow ranger generates revenue, and so long as people continue buying the books, which it looks like they will for the foreseeable future, it would make good business sense to milk the franchise for all that it’s worth. Salvatore also likely wouldn’t need to prepare as much as he usually does when writing a new book, he probably has Jarlaxle and Zaknafein prequel material already written, so it’s just a matter of splicing that into new material that he writes of Jarlaxle, Zaknafein and Drizzt adventuring together, which the now-deleted synopsis suggests will happen in Timeless.

The fact that a release date and a plotline have both been announced most likely means that there is a legally binding contract that exists. Whether Salvatore has signed it yet or not is another matter. It also makes a lot of sense for WotC to contract an experienced book publisher to handle their future novel releases. This allows them to satisfy the consumer base that demands more novels, gather revenue from this consumer base, and not have to delegate as many resources to handling something that they’re not as well-equipped to handle as a company that’s completely set up for it. It’d be a win-win all around for them.

The timeline for the “present time” as described in the synopsis for Timeless is a little odd, because while the mention of demons aligns with the Rage of Demons storyline and where Hero left off, it’s pretty old as far as the current Forgotten Realms setting is concerned. The world has moved far away from the threat of the demon princes to frost giants and then the death curse in Chult. While it isn’t unusual for the Drizzt books to drag behind the “current” campaign setting of the Realms, and it even makes sense for it to do so especially with two years away, it’s still a little strange, given WotC’s stance. Furthermore, a lot of loose ends were wrapped up, some of them all too cleanly and conveniently, that the thought of starting anew is a bit awkward and contrived. For instance, when we last saw, Catti-brie is pregnant with Drizzt’s child, and to me, it seems unlikely that he’d leave her side even if it is to fend off the threats to the world. The Companions of the Hall have their own lives now, with Regis settling down with his beloved Donnola Topolino and Bruenor ruling Gauntylgrym with his twin queens at his side. The Companions of the Hall might not assemble, for the synopsis suggests that it’s only Jarlaxle, Zaknafein and Drizzt going out and about, but if the CotH were to rise and be the heroes they were once more, they, like Drizzt, would be uprooting themselves to once again pursue the habits of a previous life, which I think is very unlikely. But, much of Salvatore’s plot choices have stopped making sense to me for a while now, so I suppose we’ll just have to wait to see how that goes. 

I can’t help but feel a sense of dread at how much this new endeavor is an act of fan service. Similar to Drizzt’s fight with Grandmaster Kane, in which he shouldn’t have had a chance at all, Drizzt, Jarlaxle and Zaknafein traveling together to fight the forces of evil seems to be more of that cool thing that people want to see rather than making logical sense. As always, I hope that I’m proven wrong. ]]

[jeepersjeeves]

Sketchbook Excavation Tour 1/??

(Future Note): I'm fortunate enough to still do this! Came back home after spending time out of town, only to get displaced for a month. My sketchbooks somehow survived, though, so I guess I'll just tear through them with a bit less fanfare than this one. There have been bigger fish to fry.

Also, I spent way too much time trying to explain myself, worried that I'd come off as preachy and not really knowing what I'm talking about, and now, the iron is ice cold, and the thoughts shared in this entry are no longer fresh on my mind. So, I'm just going to post this and move on.

Here's the first of many sketchbooks. This one is from high school. A classmate of mine gave it to me, because she didn't like the paper quality, if I recall correctly.

I vividly remember the feel of drawing in this sketchbook. The pages felt super grainy, like nothing would stick and would just immediately smudge. So, half of the sketchbook is still blank haha

I did this thing where I wanted to journal while traveling, and this page was supposed to be where I kept track of finances.

I rather liked the idea of anthropomorphic(?)finances(?), and I liked their contrasting fashion sense, one being more relaxed than the other, so I thought I'd give these designs some more attention.

I wanted to emphasize that visual contrast between the two, so I focused on giving them a more obvious shape language, as seen in the first two images.

Retrospectively, after I had drawn everything, I revisited the above image and took notes of what I wanted to keep and what I felt should be further developed or adjusted.

These are things like keeping the contrasting silhouettes of the boots, getting rid of the glasses on the left deign, and putting more thought into the design of the hair. Some of this is reflected in the final image of this post.

I still feel a bit sheepish about this page of sketches, but, I scribbled some forms to get an overall feel of the design, and how the clothing would look from different angles and poses. Also tried to hash out what I wanted the sleeves to look like.

Around this point, I started to visualize them more as bankers, so I thought of their outfits more as uniforms.

Once I had a series of design elements that I felt I liked, I drafted up these designs to see how they'd come together. I was also pretty excited about color, so I added color too, just to see how it would look.

So this is where I'm at right now. I think there could stand to be a bit more variation. Guy on the left also looks a tad too similar to another design I worked on not too long ago, so I might give this another pass.

Either way, though, it was fun, and I like them well enough. Gotta come up with names.

Extended ramblings under the cut.

Clothing Variations

I still have some thoughts, like, while drawing the guy on the left, I kept Persona 3’s Akihiko Sanada in mind, particularly Sarah Kipin’s rendition of him. In keeping with the round silhouette, I thought of adding round and broad shoulders, which would lead downwards into round fists, making me think of an old-fashioned boxer. And because of this round silhouette, I opted to give him a sweater vest instead of a regular* (?) vest.

The material of a sweater vest is soft, you see, which I thought would help with creating a more round silhouette, and I thought that'd contrast nicely with the sharper feel of a more traditional vest with coattails, but because I wanted to give them a uniform, those two articles of clothing felt too different from each other. I'll have to spend more time with it and do some research, maybe on uniform variations or something. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking about, like, a three-piece suit, but it didn't quite come out that way, I think because I was so set on the vest idea, and was trying to depict two different types of vests, rather than a vest-jacket combo. Mixing up the latter (wearing just a vest, just a jacket, both, etc.) has more cohesion than two types of vests, I would think.

Something Something Visual Tropes

That thing with Akihiko is what I want to refer to as visual tropes. I read it once in the comments section of a video art tutorial, and I think it‘s applicable here. Though I guess “visual signifyer” might be more appropriate. Still, I think ”tropes” gives it that nuance of “design elements that are commonly or repeatedly used to convey certain ideas”.

So, when someone says that a drawing looks like [famous anime character], I think that it’s an interesting way to examine what design elements it might have in common, and even to see where those design elements might trace back to.

I think it’s worthwhile enough for me to start doing more often, so I’ll try it and report back

Design Process

A previous venture in character design led me down a similar mode of thinking while drawing these two, and now I've scrounged together a sort of thought process when it comes to designing characters. I'd distill this down to "ideation then research". Can I say that? Ideation?

Basically, get all the ideas out there first, and then ask questions about what you drew (why did I draw this? what led me to this?) and to research elements that you're not quite familiar with (what does this actually look like/how does it function?). I mean, it all sort of remains in the abstract, but feeling my way around along these parameters really helped me to get the ball rolling, got me excited and curious, and helped me to feel a bit more intentional about what I was designing. I tend to put the cart before the horse, when it comes to both drawing and storytelling, wanting to create something that falls into place on the first try, but I've found more value in working with your gut reaction. You have a more active voice that way, there's more problem solving, you arrive at the result in the literal sense.

Application

So yeah (this is the last thing), I wanted to make them NPCs for a western-themed game idea (will explain later) that I had about a summer ago. The combination of banking uniforms and western-like accessories (the bolero tie, sleeve garters, and boots) had me thinking about, well, westerns.

So that's that! :v

*I did a google search and it seems like most vests were made out of silk. Bless Wikipedia. At a glance, it reminded me of details like single and double-breasted coats, as well as U and V necks. There’s a lot of potential here, and opens up more design options for a vest alone.

[kxowledge]

A recap of the past few weeks:

Sick, laying in bed, fever running high, too many used tissues laying around.

Hell week has passed (but what week is not hell week nowadays?). I resigned from the job. Did decently on the online tests, handed in the case study (where out of 5 people in the group, only 3 of us did the work – just a reminder of why I hate group projects) and surprisingly got a 30.  I also have decided not to apply for the exchange semester (due to the uncertainty – would they accept all the exams? would I be able to complete an internship too? would I receive a scholarship? if the answer to any of these questions had been no, then I would have been majorly fucked, to put it plainly – and well, the fact that I wasn’t enamoured with the idea).  However I don’t get to relax. The list of things to do is ever growing, but at least now I have the time to do them. 

Resigning from the job was the right choice. My main reason for applying in the first place was that it was a vertical part time, but in reality it turned out to be 9-20 three days per week, plus travelling - which was almost always outside Milan, and they would communicate you the location the day before. Plus, well, the fact that I was working with big non-profits didn’t make up for the fact that I felt as if I was prying on good people, with a deceptive and fraudulent pitch (not because it was untrue, but because you talk talk talk and convince them to donate money). I should have known. 

But as it turns out, I’m quite good at decoding social cues. Both in real life situations and sales. I learned to trust my guts, but also to understand what is it that my instinct is exactly saying

Two? Or more weeks ago I wrote “Up to two months ago, I had a detailed life plan. Unfortunately, that plan rested upon the assumption that I could switch to a management major. I took some time to revisit it, think of the alternatives and ultimately come up with a clear vision for the next two semesters, which allows me to function for the time being. However, the lack of a more long term plan is… well, unclear. I have a general idea of what I’d like to be doing, but the timeline is sloppy, at best. Which can only mean that I might not allocate my time efficiently and I might miss opportunities. I am still of the idea that I can’t throw myself to grad school straight out after getting my degree, but I’m quite sure that I want to continue my studies. But everything in between is a blur – when should I do what?”. I took it upon myself to organize my life plan once again. I’m wary of calling it definitive, but I took a decision, perhaps a stupid one (it is stupid – both my dad and my friends said so, but it was that same conversation that made me realize how that valuable it would be for me)

 I think I should post more – record more of my thoughts, even if they turn out to be not-so-bright, I think it still would be beneficial. I don’t know if I prefer making one big bullet point style post at the end of the week with random thoughts, or post said thoughts throughout the week each separate from the other. Given that no one really cares, I have decided to fuck it and do as it comes, but I am trying to post more (instead of making too many drafts that is)

[pjtheresalight]

110. THE LAST ONE

Hello, followers! I am fully aware of the fact that it's been two years almost to the day since I last updated, but life kinda got in the way. Let’s say I got stuck in traffic. Over these past couple of years I’ve grown a lot and honestly this fic makes me cringe, but it will always remain a tool that I used and relied on when things were super heavy and dark for me, so I will forever treasure it as that. Now even though some people told me that the chapter that I left you all at might have as well been the last one, as in it’s wholesome enough to give closure, I revisited my ancient drafts the other day and decided to string them together into one last piece of this story. So, here goes nothing:

“Angie?”

“Huh?” She lifted her face distractedly and glanced at Stone. He’d recently started wearing glasses and she secretly really liked it, although he was making so many jokes about himself being the intelligent academic type out of the two of them, that she would have never admitted it.

“Marry me.”                                      

“Sure, yeah.” She lifted her hand briefly to remind him of the ring on her finger. It wasn’t an engagement ring per se, more like a promise ring that also kind of was a wedding ring in their heads. She’d been wearing it for five years and above all it symbolised their agreement that if they did ever marry anyone it would be each other, but neither of them really had an overwhelming desire to do that; it didn’t really matter to them, because they knew that signing a piece of paper wasn’t going to change anything. They knew that they would never stop loving each other or hurt one another so much that they couldn’t be together anymore, and that was the most important thing.

“I mean… In the present tense…not today necessarily, but like…this year?”

Angie looked up at Stone again, but this time her full undivided attention was on him as she put her pencil down. He looked very serious; he was smiling, but the smile was tinted with a strong shade of gravitas.

“I want to be your husband.” He added when she didn’t say anything. “Now… I mean, I’ve always wanted that, but it was a passive wish, because I know you’re mine anyway, but I’ve decided I don’t want to be passive about it anymore. I actively want to be your husband.”

Angie darted her eyes to the floor in thought and spoke after a brief moment of silence. “What about November?”

“I think that would be perfect.”

*

“Mommy, dad’s an idiot.”

Angie slapped her hand over her mouth at her younger daughter’s words to hide her laughter, but when she saw the five hear old sporting a horn made out of her hair with a million hair bands she couldn’t keep it in. “Don’t call dad that…” Angie tried to keep her chuckling down as she took the girl in her arms and examined the masterpiece of a hairstyle closer.

“Stop setting a bad example then, my love.” Stone wrinkled his nose at Angie with a big grin.

“Dad’s not an idiot, Haven. He’s just a very, very strange man, is all. But that’s why we love him, right?” Angie bumped the tip of her nose against her daughter’s and the little girl cracked a smile and nodded yes. “Are you gonna take your guitar to show grandma and grandpa how much stuff you’ve learnt already?”

“Yep!”

“It’s in the car already.” Stone informed Angie.

“Did you give any money to Aubrey?”

“Yeah, she said she’ll be at my parents’ around ten.” Stone said while Angie kissed Haven’s face a bunch of times and she hugged her mom tightly and then outstretched her tiny arms towards her dad. “And before you ask, I did take out the trash.”

Angie rolled her eyes with a quiet chuckle and gave him a kiss once Haven made herself comfortable on his back with her arms and legs wound around his neck and waist, or as much of it as her tiny limbs could reach.

*

The warm summer breeze was seeping through Stone’s very bones as he stood in the middle of a green yard studded with granite and marble headstones. His eyes were gliding along the writing on one particular stone, over and over and over again, and he felt dizzy and lightheaded, still unable to comprehend why it said what it did. Jul. 1. 1969 – Jun. 20. 2015. It hadn’t even been two months, but those weeks, those days, those hours had stretched into dark, cold, hopeless infinity and Stone was stuck in it, suspended in time and space. All he could feel was anger and helplessness, and more anger, and it seemed like he only physical sensation he could actually register was chilliness in his feet. Angie Gossard.

“How’d she die?”

Stone flinched ever so slightly at the sound of some kid who had sneaked up on him wand was now staring at Angie’s headstone with his hands in his pockets and a straw of hay between his teeth. “What?” Stone frowned at him.

“How’d she die?” He repeated just as casually, and then started kicking the headstone and trampling the flowers on the grave.

Stone suddenly sat up in bed, feeling cold sweat running down his neck, and it took him a whole minute to steady his breathing. It was getting light outside, light enough that when he looked around he saw that he was alone in the bed and in the room. On his bedside table saw a new addition; a not. ‘The smaller child and the dog couldn’t sleep so we went out for a walk. p.s. happy anniversary, dork’ and a heart scribbled beneath.

*

“Angie!” Stone hollered from another room following the sound of a doorbell. “We gotta leave, like now!”

Her, Stone, and their two daughters were about to go see their friends play – a ritual their group never ever abandoned in all those years. Angie had been reminiscing a lot that day, prompted by the idea of seeing Soundgarden live for must have been the thousandth time. She’d been thinking about the time she moved to Seattle, about all the things she’d gone through with her family and her friends, and eventually a family that she created with Stone. Her heart was swelling with love and happiness, and some painful moments thrown into the mix. So when she had a moment to spare between running her life and going to the show, she sat down to jot some things down in her habitually forgotten journal.

I remember Eddie once saying this is probably the best life he’s ever had so far, and I think that’s the most beautifully accurate explanation of the past twenty something years.

I remember how Matt and Sam were the first ones to acquire one of those tiny humans and called him Raymond; how Sam and my brother started their restaurant chain together. How it felt like we were all finally getting our shit together.

I remember Eddie and Cass’ wedding in 1992 clearer than I remember their divorce in 1997. I remember how he met Jil and how he survived most of the seemingly insurmountable obstacles in his life to eventually become a happier person, and also ended up being the guy who drinks wine on stage and tells phallic jokes.

I remember how Cass started dating this woman about a year and a half ago, this clothing designer named Arielle, and it seems to be going pretty well. Stone’s convinced this is it, that they’re meant to be together, because when two people called Cassiopeia and Arielle meet and fall in love it has to be forever.

I remember how Danielle left Jeff around the time of making Yield, but they never stopped being friends. They’ve loved each other for too long to ever stop.

I remember how Ben and Jennifer eventually got back together, for good this time. It took them years and miles, and more years, and more miles to figure out themselves, to figure out each other, but they did in the end. I guess their love is kind of like a superhero, like Superman immune even to kryptonite. If I ever came even close to thinking that something in this life was meant to happen, it’s them. I only found out about them being back together by accident, when all of Ben’s gear, every single one of his guitars and amplifiers, was stolen in 2008. I was almost as heartbroken by the news as when Soundgarden announced their break up, but finding out that he had started seeing Jen again a few months prior kind of softened the blow – for me at least. They got married too, in 2010, around the time Soundgarden were getting back together, which again I personally found to be a very happy time in all our lives. Speaking of happy things, Ben released a solo album a few years ago and on the rare occasion that I get to see him he has to suffer my annoying fangirling which, let’s face it, he only pretends to dislike.

They all still treat me pretty much the same, actually. I’m 45 and Kim still acts like he’s my older perpetually annoyed relative. He’ll keep me young forever.

Chris got his happy ending, for the lack of a better word, too. He married Sadie in 1994 and had a kid, but that whole thing didn’t work out, it was kind of a nasty split really, which in retrospect was just an obstacle. He’s married again now and he’s got himself a couple more kids with Vicky, and he’s as wonderfully weird as always. I once stupidly suggested that he should get one of those Twitter things, which I thought the whole idea of was pretty redundant, to channel the life of a fading grunge icon, and he actually did that, and it’s the most hilarious thing.  

Kay has a family now, too, and she hasn’t changed much at all. Except now that we all definitely have our shit together, I get to see her every single year. It’s a promise we made and intend to keep forever.

It’s almost surreal to think about how young Stone and I were when we fell in love, but we somehow got through to the other side with no significant casualties or lost limbs. It’s insane to think we’ve been suffering each other for twenty something years; he has made me want to slap him, punch him, shout at him, call him every name under the sun, set his guitars on fire…all those things, which I’m sure I drove him mad even more than that sometimes. But that’s good, it’s the good kind of fighting, because despite of it all, I feel like I’m still falling in love with him more and more, and he’s been my home all this time. And we got married, too. For all I care, that could have never happened and I’d still feel about him and our family the same way; but he proposed one day and I said yes. It was a couple of months after the unspeakably horrible tragedy at the Roskilde festival. It would be impossible to even begin to put into words what the band were feeling during that period of time; what everyone was feeling, really. But the guys were lost and scared, and devastated, and it was kind of like drowning very, very slowly in a dark, frozen lake with no ice-holes. I don’t think they will ever get over it, but they managed to get on with life in the end, only because they had each other and they had music, and after a lot of meditation and reflection they managed to survive somehow, and I think somewhere along the road to learning how to deal with it Stone decided he didn’t want to just drift along, to just go with it and see what happens, so he asked me to marry him. We got married in November of 2000 and a couple of weeks after the wedding I found out I was almost two months pregnant. I was absolutely mortified but Stone eventually managed to convince me that our baby wouldn’t die after five months like the cactus that Sam gave to me as a gift years ago. Our baby. Hand on my heart, that was one of the very happiest days of our lives in the end, matched only by a handful of others, such as the one when we found out I was pregnant with our second daughter a few years later. So that year was a bit of a roller coaster, to say the least.

Speaking of our babies. Lately, Stone is refusing to accept the fact that our sixteen year old daughter Aubrey has a crush on Matt and Sam’s son, and it’s the funniest and cutest thing.

When I decided to quit teaching Stone was very supportive, but he had this idiotic joke about how he was the only thing I never got bored of doing which he kept telling everyone for half a year. It wasn’t entirely untrue, but I had a hunch it’s not exactly what our friends wanted to listen to over dinner.

I think about my mom a lot, still. It’s strange and scary to think how much her death is affecting my life to this day. I remember the first time I heard Come Back I felt like she died all over again. I dropped by the studio one evening when the guys were working on the Avocado album and I sat in on a few songs that they were still polishing up. That was the first time they played Come Back the way that it stayed in the end and I lost it; I had to discretely remove myself from the room and bawled my heart out in the bathroom, and as I was doing so it occurred to me that something like that had already happened, years ago. For that moment it felt like nothing had changed at all, like I hadn’t changed, like I was back in that first week of what was supposed to be a few short months and turned into my whole life in the end. Later Eddie told me that when he was writing that song a thought about me and my mom had crossed his mind briefly, so whenever I hear it, I can’t help but think of her. I eventually come to imagine that by some dark, twisted logic this life that I have was my mom’s gift to me. I wish I could talk to her, I wish I could see her at least one more time and thank her for everything that she gave me; for all the people that I would have never met, for the love of my life. For the fact that even on the darkest, coldest nights of my life, there’s always been a light.

[clubsocial-india]

New on Sports Illustrated: Why Jacksonville Drafted Leonard Fournette Will Really Disappoint Jaguars Fans Now

With Leonard Fournette now on the waiver wire, let's revisit the decision to draft him fourth overall in 2017. Plus, which other running backs are watching Alvin Kamara's contract situation, Ja'Marr Chase opts out, Logan Ryan to the Giants and more.

So here we are, 10 days away from the regular season…

• The backstory of Leonard Fournette is relevant today, as the former fourth overall pick hits the waiver wire, and (fair warning) what I’ll write here is going to be painful for Jaguars fans to hear. After Gus Bradley was fired late in the 2016 season, the team started the process of finding a new coach—and a number of guys that interviewed for the job (Josh McDaniels and Kyle Shanahan were on the list) told the team in no uncertain terms that it needed to move on from 2014 first-rounder Blake Bortles. In fact, one reason Doug Marrone was able to win the promotion from interim coach was because he was pragmatic in his thought the process, and willing to try and get Bortles right. His plan to do it was interesting: Take the ball out of the quarterback’s hands. So that offseason, the Jags went about building a ball-control offense. And in the draft, there was a perfect back to play that style, in LSU’s Leonard Fournette. Jacksonville took him, with the decision made to run it back for another year with Bortles, eliminating the chance the team would take Deshaun Watson or Patrick Mahomes. Again, in summary, the organization made the call to stick with Bortles, then did all it could to minimize his impact on games by taking a back that would fit the kind of offense that he would necessitate (rather than more-versatile Stanford star Christian McCaffrey). For a year, to Marrone’s credit, it worked. The Jags made the AFC title game. But the long-term fallout has been undeniable. Bortles wound up lasting two more years, and his failure necessitated overspending on Nick Foles, who lasted just one year. Meanwhile, while Fournette’s fit worked in the short-term, the price paid there was missing out on McCaffrey. Three years later, both Bortles and Fournette are without jobs, and Mahomes, Watson and McCaffrey are stars. And it can all trace back to the team sticking with Bortles for a season too long.

• As for Fournette’s future, he hits the wire Monday carrying a $4.17 million number for 2020, which is why he could go unclaimed—that’s a pretty decent chunk of money to be spending on a back less than two weeks before the opener. If he does clear, the idea of Pittsburgh makes sense to me, maybe because I remember what the similarly-old-school Jerome Bettis was before he went there, and how becoming a Steeler resurrected his career. And, for what it’s worth, Fournette’s got old offensive coordinators of his in Green Bay and Chicago. It’ll be interesting to see what’s next for him.

• Alvin Kamara’s run at a contract, presuming that’s what his absence from practice is, is interesting in a number of ways. One, there’s the fact that the Saints can report the absence as unexcused, which would cost Kamara an accrued season and make him a restricted (rather than unrestricted) free agent after the season. Two, there’s the choice to do this now, rather than at the beginning of camp, which actually could be solid strategically, in that the Saints need him present a lot more now than they would in late July or early August, when a holdout would typically be staged. Three, he’s a great player, and the team is in a win-now spot. They need him. So if this is the way to get a contract, and he’s confident it’s going to happen, Kamara doesn’t need to worry about accruing that season (even if does have an impact on his post-career benefits). Lots of push and pull on this one. Stay tuned.

• Also likely watching the Kamara situation: Cincinnati’s Joe Mixon and Minnesota’s Dalvin Cook. Both guys are going into contract years. How close Kamara gets to draft classmate Christian McCaffrey’s four-year, $64 million extension should at least clarify the landscape in negotiations for the other two. Kamara and McCaffrey, to be sure, are unique weapons not tied down to simply playing tailback. But Mixon and Cook have versatility too. And even if they aren’t what Kamara and McCaffrey are, if both Kamara and McCaffrey are over $15 million per year, it becomes clearer that the latter’s deal isn’t simply an outlier.

• Shout out to NFLPA president J.C. Tretter on asking the league, via a post on the union web site, for the continuation of daily testing into the season. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the success the league has had—just four of 2,600 players are on the COVID-19 list as of this writing—it’s the importance of constantly testing players. It’s pretty simple. If you don’t let COVID-19 into the building, then it can’t spread. And as well as it has worked, I think Tretter’s right. Continuing with the testing would be money well invested for the NFL.

• One thing that was interesting to hear while I was in Tampa: Fourth-year TE O.J. Howard was ecstatic to be working with Rob Gronkowski. In checking in with some people there, some concern did exist as the Gronkowski trade went down in April that Howard might not take the news well. Instead, the opposite happened—and Howard’s agent actually called the team soon thereafter to tell them that the former top-10 pick couldn’t be happier. So when I talked to Howard on Sunday, I made sure to ask him about that. “Rob is one of the greatest ever to play the position,” Howard told me. “It was an opportunity for me to go and learn, and just become a sponge and soak up a lot of knowledge. I’m always about learning more, putting more things in my toolbox, continuing to sharpen those tools and become a better player. So this is an opportunity for me to do that with him and Tom [Brady]. I couldn’t be put in a better situation at a young age, Year 4. This is only the beginning for me, it’s been a great opportunity for me to have a chance to have my career take off.” That, of course, is a great attitude to have, and it’s showing up in his play, too. Howard’s cleaned up his problem with drops, and been a star in making circus catches in contested situations all month.

• While we’re there, and just to accentuate the point I made in the MMQB column, here’s promising second-year receiver Scotty Miller on how positive Tom Brady’s been in camp: “That’s something I’ve noticed from him since the day I met him. Just extremely positive. I’d heard stuff about him, that in New England, he’d get on guys or whatever. But with us, he’s as humble as it gets. I mean, if he puts the ball on my chest and I drop the ball, he’ll be like, ‘My bad, I gotta give you a better ball,’ where it’s not his fault at all. That gives us all confidence, when we see our leader being humble and wanting to work on his game every single day. It tells us, if he’s doing that, we need to be doing the exact same thing, always willing to take the blame, and always doing your best on every single play.” And how have his teammates taken to following him? Well, I was told last week that among the veteran skill players—guys who worked with him over the spring and summer—the Bucs have seen zero (0!) soft-tissue injuries. That’s despite the adverse summer conditions in Tampa, and despite the COVID-affected camp schedule. I can’t say whether they all took up Brady’s training methods, but I do know the team thinks those guys watching and being around Brady over that time helped.

• Four weeks ago today, I gave you 12 non-quarterbacks who I believed had the sort of NFL standing to seriously consider opting out of the 2020 college season. LSU WR Ja’Marr Chase, on Monday, officially became the fourth guy on that list to do it. Those left: Clemson RB Travis Etienne, Oregon OT Penei Sewell, Alabama WR Devonta Smith, Alabama CB Patrick Surtain, Alabama WR Jaylen Waddle, Ohio State CB Shaun Wade, Florida State DT Marvin Wilson, and Alabama LB Dylan Moses. LSU had another player opt out Monday as well—per our own Ross Dellenger, massive Tiger DT Tyler Shelvin won’t play this fall, and move his focus to getting ready for April’s draft. As it stands now, he’s probably a Day 2 pick, and so the decision to go is understandable. Also, the sudden exodus from LSU highlights something pretty interesting—the three programs that have the most sustained national success over the last decade (Alabama, Clemson and Ohio State) haven’t had a single opt-out yet.

• Good signing by the Giants, bringing Logan Ryan aboard at $7.5 million for this year. Before becoming a starting corner for the Patriots, Ryan was a core special-teamer for Joe Judge in Foxboro—Ryan was a gunner on the punt team as a rookie—so the two know each other exceedingly well. And just as Ryan was able to help Mike Vrabel establish some of those New England standards in Nashville the last two years, he should be able to do the same for Judge in Jersey the next four months. But really, this was about Ryan as a player. The Giants believe he’s still got plenty to give in that department.

• The Derwin James news is super disappointing, but another reminder that, many times, pre-draft concerns are warranted. I got asked a lot in 2018 how James slipped all the way to the 17th overall pick, where the Chargers snapped him up. Well, James was outstanding as a true freshman at Florida State, suffered a catastrophic knee injury as a sophomore, then came back and was less than 100% himself as a junior before declaring for the draft. The concern wasn’t over James’s ability to play. It was over his ability to stay healthy. Sadly, that concern’s proving warranted as a pro.

September 01, 2020 at 05:30AM Why Jacksonville Drafted Leonard Fournette Will Really Disappoint Jaguars Fans Now from Blogger https://ift.tt/2GcTIfb

[keywestlou]

OLD WIVES TALES ABOUT SEX

A change of pace blog today. No politics or heavy stuff. What better subject to begin with than sex.

A few old wives tales revisited.

Masturbation will make you blind, hairy or cause you to have a weak brain.

Source old time religion. From centuries back.

No negative effects. If true, the whole male population would need walking canes.

Nosebleeds mean uncontrollable sexual arousal.

The theory being that “pressure” during sex causes a build-up in blood. Semen not involved in the theory. Japanese in origin. Totally false.

Can’t get pregnant if you have sex in the water.

The reasoning is that water flushes out the vagina and “floods sperm.” Poor drowning sperm cannot make it to the cervix, uterus or fallopian tubes.

Wrong! Sperm are very good at what they do. Last 3-5 days in the vagina. Swim like hell to get to their goal.

Big feet and hands mean a big penis.

Science has proven over and over such is not the case. A man with size 16 shoes does not guarantee 10 inches anywhere else. A University of London study in 2002 found no correlation between feet/hands size and penis size.

So much for sex.

Never got out last night. Spent the evening watching old movies. Third day of Greta Garbo flicks on Turner Classic Movies. A beauty. Even better, an outstanding actress. Watched Garbo involved with Napoleon. Napoleon played by Charles Boyer.

Started my yesterday at 4:30. Rose early because I had a full day ahead of me. Had to get the blog out before I went out.

Research and writing of blog completed by 10:30. Quick shower. Haircut at noon with Lori. Manicure at 12:30 with Tammy. Followed by grocery shopping at Publix. Home at 3. With groceries yet to be put away.

I had no energy left. Remember, my day began at 4:30. Took a nap.

Tonight dinner at Donna and Terri’s. Donna cooking. No doubt it will be an exemplary meal.

Then home to watch the Final Four. Will probably miss the first half of the first game.

I had the good fortune of attending 3 Final Fours. Two where Syracuse played. One I went to just for the fun of it.

A Final Four exciting! Like a Super Bowl. Hard to believe, but I attended 11 consecutive Super Bowls.

The Super Bowls were easy. I was in a position to do a major favor for a Vice-President of  one of the professional football teams. His younger brother needed assistance.

The V-P never forgot. Every year thereafter he sent 2 Super Bowl tickets. Great seats all the time. I assume they are still coming and my son is using them.

The V-P reciprocated also in another fashion. My oldest granddaughter Sara graduated from college some 15 years ago. He gave her a job in his marketing operation. She is still with the pro football team.

The Schooner Western Union was launched in Key West on March 7, 1939. It was the last large schooner built in Key West.

The Western Union is still around. Sitting dockside near Schooner Wharf. Needs a ton of work. Needs a ton of money to do the work.

The Western Union has been a problem for years. Always needing repair work. Several groups have tried to take care of the situation. Generally however, a band-aid solution.

A not for profit presently responsible for the boat. Looking for money.

The schooner must be self-sufficient. Whoever is caring for the vessel this time should work it out along those lines. Otherwise, let it go. I hear too many people who are no longer sympathetic because the vessel always needs more money.

A few days ago, I wrote about the Vietnam War and the Vietnam War Veterans Day in Key West. Unfortunately, an unpopular war. People were not happy with it.

Several comments have been received. I want to share 2 with you.

“I lost my brother in Vietnam and to this day I don’t know for what or for why.”

Another by a wife. The government had 2 programs. One a 2 year draft. The other a 3 year voluntary sign up guaranteeing you would not serve in Vietnam.

Her husband opted for the 3 year offer. At some point after he was in, the government reneged and sent him to Vietnam. She commented, “I know that one was my husband and he never came home. We never got to have daughters, Lou. I wish I too had done what your wife did. In the end, you did the right thing.”

I have several times written and spoke regarding the theft of Social Security funds by the federal government. Funds borrowed, never to be paid back.

One of these instances was a blog I wrote on November 5, 2015 titled The Theft of Social Security. You might want to find and read it. Eye opening. Go to www.keywestlou.com. Right hand column has my blogs listed by month and date. Go to November 2015 and scroll down to the second 11/5.

When I wrote in November 2015, the national debt and intergovernmental debt totaled $18 trillion. The intergovernmental portion was $5.1 trillion.

Intergovernmental is taking money from one agency and loaning it to another. Includes the federal government dipping into the Social Security Fund since Reagan’s days and never paying back.

The intergovernmental loans are set up so there is no legal obligation to repay. The federal government gives the equivalent of an IOU in return for the money. You can’t take an IOU to court or to a bank.

Since the intergovernmental will never be paid back, it should not be considered a debt. However the federal government does for accounting purposes.

In 2015, I subtracted the intergovernmental debt from the national debt. To me, and to you it should also, represent actual dollars owed. Not make believe ones that will never be paid back. Subtract $5.1 trillion from $18 trillion and it is $13 trillion the government actually owed.

The $5.1 trillion in 2015 included $2.7 trillion owed to Social Security.

Works the same way  today, except the numbers are bigger.

The last generated figures are for 2018. The national debt was $22.2 trillion. Of the total, $5.9 trillion was owed to intergovernmental agencies. Monies that did not have to be paid back. A total of 230 agencies involved.

Subtracting the intergovernmental from the national debt leaves a “for real” debt of $16 trillion. Not the $22.2 trillion the federal government always talks about.

Social Security is not insolvent. Won’t be for a number of years. Would not be threatened if the federal government paid back the monies borrowed in full or over a period of years.

Every day Social Security takes in more than it pays out. What a deal! The federal government borrows daily and never worries because it knows it will never be legally required to pay back.

I took the time to spell all this out because someone asked in a comment how much I thought the federal government’s real debt today was.

What really pisses me off is that most of our Senators and Congressmen do not even know about this sweet borrowing deal and theft. They actually believe Social Security  is going insolvent. Too many old age free loaders getting paid from Social Securty. They further forget the old foggies are being paid out of monies they paid in.

Again, read my November 5, 2015 blog The Theft of Social Security. You will say at the end…..For real?

On this day in 1917, the U.S. formally entered World War I. The war to end all wars!

A joke! Count the number of wars we have been engaged in since 1917.

My personal feelings are that men love war. Thrive on it. Macho men. Otherwise, there would not have been so many wars since World War I nor in all of history.

Enjoy your day!

                            OLD WIVES TALES ABOUT SEX was originally published on Key West Lou