#three my beloved i just adore him what a doctor

[sirtadcooper]

You're serious, aren't you?

About what I do? Yes, not necessarily the way I do it.

[caesium-55]

—seven days [ epilogue ]

pairing: max verstappen x manager! reader

summary: as the third time world champion, max verstappen's manager, you function on the belief that whatever max verstappen wanted, max verstappen shall get. but this time, after four years of working as his manager, you can't give him what he wants anymore and that was to stay.

warnings: mentions of death and suicide.

author's note: here's the epilogue and the end end of the seven days series. thank you everyone for showing love to this fic! i was honestly so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of all of you. also, i apologize for all the broken hearts i caused after posting chapters 4-7. stay safe yall! i'll rest my fingers for real now. my doctor wasn't very happy with me. NOT BETA READ. NOT EDITED.

tags: @whatamidoingwithmylife-ramdom @eugene-emt-roe @bellezaycafe @barnestatic @theseerbetweenus @wcnorris @notyouraveragemochii @lpab @vildetry06 @a-beaverhausen @formula1mount @loloekie @alucardsdaddyissues @juky-ps @cassianswh0reeee @devotedlycrookeddonut @amberpanda99 @supermaxv1 @evie-119 @spideylovin @harianaswhore @formulaal @landorris @onecojg @leclercdream @vicurious28 @c-losur3 @spookystitchery @0710khj @strollnstroll @justab-eautifulmess @ssrcsm @seasonswinter @kravitzwhore @mycure156 i hope i didn't forget anyone

masterlist.

Julio [Name] was not an ambitious person. He didn't have dreams or concrete plans in life. But in 1985, his first dream was born. He wanted to be an F1 racer after reading about the Portuguese Grand Prix in a local newspaper where he saw a Brazilian racer even younger than him participate in it and winning it. Ayrton Senna was the racer’s name, twenty-five years old. At that time, Julio [Name] was the same age.

He immediately searched for the nearest karting track. He brought his then girlfriend, Sally Kingston, a dental student in USC, to the kart zone for their date. It was safe to say that driving was not exactly his forte. He crashed his rental kart and had to pay the damages. He was afraid that he made himself a loser in front of the Sally Kingston, the richest, prettiest, and nicest girl from L.A., and that she wouldn't wanna go out with a bumpkin like him anymore, but she had only laughed at him—her eyes turning into little crescents, showing too much teeth and gums—and from then and there, he knows he’s going to marry Sally Kingston one day. He might not have become a F1 driver, but he ended up marrying the girl of his dreams.

Him and Sally welcomed a son in 1991. They named him Damiano and he turned out to be a carbon copy of his beloved wife, not that Julio was complaining. When Damiano turned five, Julio brought him in the kart zone and let him try driving the kart. Damiano adored it so Julio signed him up for racing school. Three weekends later, Damiano got sick of driving around in circles so he stopped. Sally gave birth to a daughter in the same year—1996.

Five years later, he brings [Name], his mija, into the kart zone. He expected that you’ll be like Damiano, too, getting sick of the thing after three weekends or so. You didn't. You loved karting and going fast, almost dangerously so. You lasted five weekends so Julio signed you up for the kart zone’s junior racing school and you were their first female member. You won your first race when you were six, only seven months after you officially joined.

“She was born to race,” the team head told Julio. Julio then decided that he’d do whatever it takes so you could become a F1 driver.

Like his initial dream, his dream for you couldn't be brought to reality. When you were nine, you had to stop karting for financial reasons. Damiano was in high school, Rafael had leukemia, and Dominic had just been born. When Julio told you the news, you were sad but you understood why the decision was made so you never complained. You learned how to play billiards instead and your Abuelo was the one who taught you. It's cheaper than karting so Sally and Julio gave you their full support.

Julio [Name] was pleasantly surprised when you told him that you got accepted in USC’s engineering department years later. He half expected that you’d be like Damiano, who took an interest in dentistry, and was attending dental school. He was going to be a dentist like his mother. He was a perfect copy of Sally.

“If I can't be a racer, I’ll become a mechanical engineer,” you declared, head held high. Julio couldn't be anymore proud. You were living his dream.

If you asked Julio [Name] if he had lived a happy life despite not reaching his dreams, he would say yes without hesitation. He married the love of his life, Sally Kingston, now Sally [Last Name]. His first son, Damiano, had topped dental school and followed in his mother’s footsteps. His daughter, [Name], graduated with flying colors, a mechanical engineering degree under her belt and entered the motorsports industry, the first in the family to do so. (You even got him Fernando Alonso’s autograph! That's his second favorite driver!) Not only that, she volunteered at the LAFD during her college years and competed in a billiards tournament in Vegas, Australia, and the UK. You had the potential to be an international-level pool player but you didn't pursue the sport because you wanted to be an engineer. Rafael didn't let leukemia beat him and now, he’s finishing up his last year in CalTech, pursuing mechanical engineering like his older sister. A research team in Sweden had been eyeing him for a while now. Dominic, on the other hand, is steadily building a career for himself in volleyball. He was offered a sports scholarship in Harvard so, despite the fact that he’s going even farther than his siblings with no relatives near him like in L.A., Julio pushed him to pursue what he wanted. His children are his pride and joy. He spent every single day bragging about his children to his colleagues. The others had expressed their envy to him. Did Julio save a country in his last life to have such great children?

Furthermore, he’d been promoted to be the captain of Station 131 in Austin. Julio may not have driven an F1 car but he wouldn't even trade this family over anything in this world, not even the life of luxury and thrill of a Formula One Driver.

(What Julio didn't know was that Damiano had serious depression in dental school that he carried even after graduating, that you weren't accepted as an engineer in F1 and was stuck in a managerial position for the last five years, that Sweden found a better researcher than Rafael so he’s stuck suffering physically and mentally in a degree with his future unclear and cloudy, and Dominic was slowly losing passion in volleyball but it's the only thing putting him through college right now so he grits his teeth and put himself on court. No one told Julio. Julio got enough of his dreams broken already.)

Truthfully, despite working for Red Bull for half a decade, you never liked its taste. You were always the Monster Energy type of girl. It's the one drink that kept you functioning through all the all-nighters you pulled in engineering school. However, you kind of lost the palate for Monster Energy so now, here you are, standing outside a gas station mini mart in the middle of the dusty highway that leads to El Paso. You hold the chilled can of Red Bull against the side of your neck, satisfied with the feeling of something cool pressing against your skin. The temperature in Texas is going absolutely crazy this time of the year. In your other hand, two cigarette sticks balance in between your fingers. You crave the deadly nicotine. Desperately. But you're not stupid enough to smoke at a gas station because of your cravings.

Your phone vibrates and you pull it out of your pocket to see who messaged you. You snicker when you view the barrage of pictures from the Austin Grand Prix that Leo sent. A stolen shot of Logan, meme faces of Alex, the air show, a selfie with THE Fernando Alonso, and a Tiktok video with the other Williams mechanics.

You watched the race from the stands today and truthfully, you prefer watching the race in the garage than on the stands. It's unbelievably boring to be there. People pay thousands of dollars to sit under the excruciating heat of the sun and catch a glimpse of very fast cars for a nanosecond. You wouldn't even catch sight of if you blink. Nevertheless, you're happy that Leo is having the time of his life. You wish you share the same shoes.

leo: so so sad that u have to go

you: id be flattered if u actually mean it

leo: *rolling eyes emoji*

leo: i hope you choke on your beer

you: i hope you choke on the celebratory champagne

you: and i dont drink and drive

leo: good to know ur not stupid

leo: on a serious note make sure to drive to el paso safely

you: aight aight

leo: u know i have something to confess

you: if it's something stupid, don't bother

leo: ur stupid

you: fuck u

leo: shut up

leo: just wanna say i didn't break up with u bc u gave max too much attention

leo: i know that's what i said but i only said that bc i knew that u needed max to achieve ur dreams

leo: and idk i just thought max wouldn't give it to u not when im still dating u

you: that's stupid

you: max isn't like that

leo: hes in love with u

Your heart stutters. You ignore it.

you: liar

leo: i could tell u lil shit

leo: idk he looked like someone who’d hold a grudge

you: he does hold grudges

leo: and i cant allow myself to stand in between you and the one person who can give you your dream you know?

leo: i loved you enough to let you go to him

You choke on your saliva. You don't love Leo romantically anymore and you are sure that the feelings are mutual but his abrupt confession is enough to bring back the pain of loving him and letting him go all over again.

leo: u sure u won’t stay to see him?

leo: he’s the one who wants to see you the most

you: his ig messages makes me think otherwise

You're a fucking coward. A pussy.

leo: you didn't see the man [name]

leo: you don't know how empty he looks now

A shadow of guilt darkens your eyes. You quickly shove your phone into the pocket of your jacket. You open the Red Bull and take a large swig, almost draining the entire can. You exhale loudly after drinking, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. You stare at the vast expanse of the dry earth before you, starting to understand the appeal of aimless road trips in the southern roads.

The world seems to be turning in slow motion now.

Ever since your father died, time feels like it was moving too fast. You arrived at the hospital half an hour after Julio was officially pronounced dead. At that time, you felt like the world was ending. Your knees gave out in the middle of the hospital hallway. Your mother’s wail echoed in your ears. Damiano and Dominic were trying to console her, both of whom were crying terribly. You stare at them, face empty despite the hurricane brewing within you. Rafael wrapped his arms around you and you held onto him as he cried uncontrollably.

Your mother possessed a weak heart. She’d grown weaker and weaker day by day after your father passed. Your father’s station held a ceremony for him to pay tribute to their fallen captain. You were the one who carried his helmet all throughout the ceremony because the entire station knew you were his most prized child. When you flipped the helmet, there was a photo taped on it. A photo of the entire family at your graduation ceremony in USC. You maintained that tired and empty stare during the entire procession. In the middle of the ceremony, your mother collapsed.

Your father’s death was the first domino to be tipped. Your mother’s collapse during the funeral was the second. From then on, everything turned to shit. Your mother had always been frail and prone to sickness so it didn’t surprise you when she had grown so weak in a matter of days. She couldn't sleep. She didn't want to eat. She lost her will to do anything else. You took her to the hospital after a week because you were afraid she was beginning to become malnourished. Damiano suggested moving your mother to El Paso, to your Abuelo and Abuela’s farm, so your mother could recuperate there, and you agreed. The entire family moved to El Paso quickly, leaving the house in Vista Del Pueblo empty and celebrated the New Year there.

You opened your phone for the first time since you landed in ATX on the 30th and a barrage of messages had been sent to you. From Daniel, Logan, Leo, Kendall, Julia. You freeze when you see Max’s name. Your finger hovers above it, hesitating. Your mind trailed back to the five years you spent in Red Bull, to all the memories with Max in it, to what happened inside his penthouse in Monaco, the jet, the night you spent in his sheets, the shoes and—

Fuck.

“Kelly,” you mumbled to yourself, typing her username in the search box. You began typing up a message. You're not mentally equipped to write a long message of apology. Your mental dictionary was not ready to use so you decided to half ass the entire message and hope for the best.

you: sorry about the breakup

you: i didn't know about the shoes

you: i didn't take it

you: im so sorry

you: i hope you're not too hurt

In truth, you loved Kelly for Max. You never had problems with her. At first, you were concerned about the great age gap between her and Max as she was even older than Danny but then you figured that you did not have a say because Leo was also younger than you, born in the same year as Max. Then, you saw how she was so caring to Max, so patient in dealing with his misplaced anger, so supportive. You saw how Max transformed into a better version of himself, something you are not even capable of doing, because of Penelope and Kelly. How he became the world's most massive girl dad without trying. You ignored every bitter feeling that sprouted on your chest because you saw Max was happy and his happiness always came first. And now, you’re here, apologizing to Kelly for taking Max away from her.

kelly: i think i’m the one who’s been taking him from you

kelly: take care of him for me

you: thank you for loving him

You can't imagine how hurt Kelly was. Imagine dating and preparing a man so he could be perfect for another girl.

you: but i can’t do what you're asking

you: not anymore

“Not anymore,” you whisper to yourself, as if uttering it to the wind would cement it as the truth.

Not anymore, Max. I’m sorry.

Rafael and Dominic told you that they want to drop out of college to help you out with Mama a few days after New Year’s. You quickly told them no, to finish college and that you could handle taking care of two senior citizens and your sickly mother and help out on the farm since you’re essentially jobless at the moment.

The third domino is Damiano. You were always aware he’d been clinically depressed, taking medications to help him get better. Whatever he went through in dental school, he carried it with him until he was working. You believed he was getting better. He was seeing a therapist for years now and you were checking up on him every day. Then, like Mama, he just…. became worse. Rafael found him submerged in the bathtub in his apartment, red painting his wrists. Had Rafael not been there at the right time, Damiano would have followed Papa Julio.

The fourth domino is Dominic. He ruined his hand in March. The doctor told him it was dangerous for him to continue playing volleyball competitively. It was either he learned how to set with only his non-dominant hand because his dominant hand is partially crippled or he stopped playing all together. He’d choose the second option with no hesitation as he had lost his passion for the sport but if he’s not playing for Harvard anymore, no one would be able to pay his fees until graduation. Not when Julio died, not when Sally was too sick to continue working, not when Damiano was currently unstable, not when you’re the only one who had been supporting the entire family through your entire savings account. Red Bull must have paid you a lot of money because you’ve been keeping the entire family afloat for months now.

The fifth domino is Rafael, who got his entire thesis overhauled so now, his graduation was out of the picture. It sucked. He’d always been expected to follow his older siblings’ footsteps, both of whom are academically excelling individuals and Rafael had been studying and studying and studying. So why was this happening to him? Why was this happening to his family?

The sixth domino was yet to be tipped over.

You refuse to fall.

You blink, suddenly back in reality when you hear a loud caw of a bird flying above your head. You shake your head, tossing the Red Bull in a nearby trash can and returning inside the mini mart. The amount of caffeine in a Red Bull isn’t enough. You need more. You need fucking coffee.

Gas station coffee sucks but you’re never the type who complains. El Paso is still eight hours away and you’re sure you're going to be driving your motorcycle the entire night just to reach the farm the next morning.

You walked towards the Yamaha XSR 155 parked in front of the mini-mart, a styro cup of coffee that’s as black as your soul and as bitter as your life in your hand. Hypnotizing swirls of steam rise from the cup. In each step you take, the key that is attached to your hip jingles.

It's a little past four in the afternoon but the darkness of the sky makes you think it's around six PM. You pocket your cigarettes and stand beside your motorcycle, hand on your hip while the other brings the cup of coffee to your mouth. A car suddenly arrives, coming to a screeching halt in front of you. You flinch in surprise, almost spilling your coffee in your hands. You hiss loudly, brows furrowing, a curse sitting on the tip of your tongue. You hear the sound of a car door opening and slamming shut and when you look up—

“Max.”

He’s still in his Red Bull overalls, drenched in sweat as if he ran to the gas station instead of driving. His hair is windswept, sticking out in multiple directions almost attractively so. He looks simultaneously distraught and relieved when your eyes met. The longing in his eyes. God. You unconsciously take a step back and turn around—a flight response—when he charges in your direction.

A strong pair of arms wrap around you from behind, stopping you from your tracks and causing your coffee to spill and fall down pathetically on the floor. You avoided the puddle, hands reaching behind you to guide Max away from the steaming liquid. But it’s too late. You saw the hot coffee touch his skin.

“Max!” you exclaim, eyes going wide. Your hand wraps around his forearm, pulling it but his grip on you tightens so you resort to tapping his arm in hopes that he’ll let go and you can inspect his injured hand and make a quick run for the mini mart for first-aid supplies.

“Max, let go,” you say, panicking. “Your hand—”

“Don’t leave,” his voice cracks.

“I won't go, okay? Let go and I’ll—”

“No,” the hug tightens and you suck in a breath. “You’ll leave again. I know you’ll leave again.”

“I’ll fix your hand. You can’t burn your hand—”

“I can endure it. Let me have this please,” he pleads. You pull his hand but Max remains stubborn. Resigned, you sigh. It turns out that you’re still the same, giving whatever Max wanted.

“I’m sorry for getting angry,” he begins. “I’m sorry for stopping you from going to Renault. I’m sorry for promising that I’d talk to Christian. I’m sorry that I didn't. I’m sorry that you had to break up with Leo because of me. I’m sorry that I realized that I fell in love with you while dating Kelly. I’m sorry for the shoes. I’m sorry for getting drunk. I’m sorry for being so selfish. I’m sorry for not considering you. I’m sorry for loving you. I’m so, so sorry, [Name]. For everything.”

His words come rapidly and frankly, you don't want to hear Max like this. Max rarely apologizes. You're not used to hearing him apologize.

“Max—”

“I called, [Name].”

You freeze.

“I called so many times. Not once have you answered. Not once—” a loud sob erupts from his mouth, interrupting him. “You always come when I call.”

You close your eyes, letting out a shaky breath.

“I sent you a message,” he continues. “To wait for me. I know I’m selfish but can I have five minutes please? Just….five?”

A pause.

“Okay,” you whisper. Max’s body trembles against yours and you stand still for a few minutes,

“Hey,” you say gently, suddenly reminded that you're standing in an open space and Max is still in his Red Bull overalls and he doesn't even have his usual cap on and this compromising situation you're both in was going to be bad for Max’s online reputation once the wrong pair of eyes manage to catch sight of you. You can already imagine what the headlines would be.

MAX VERSTAPPEN AND HIS FORMER MANAGER CAUGHT HUGGING IN A GASOLINE STATION AFTER AUSTIN GP.

MAX VERSTAPPEN AND FORMER RED BULL MANAGER IN A RELATIONSHIP?

FORMER RED BULL MANAGER POTENTIAL REASON FOR BREAKUP BETWEEN KELLY PIQUET AND MAX VERSTAPPEN?

MAX VERSTAPPEN CHEATED ON KELLY PIQUET WITH FORMER MANAGER?

MAX VERSTAPPEN, FULL-TIME WORLD TIME CHAMPION, PART-TIME CHEATING ASSHOLE.

God. You can already imagine the headache splitting the entire PR team’s skulls. The world already hates Max because of how good he was at his sport. You can’t allow people to shit on him more because of you.

“Max,” you try again, tapping his forearm so he can loosen his hold on you and you can turn around. “Max, baby, cooperate with me for a bit, yeah?”

You tug on his wrist and you can't help but sigh in relief when his arms loosen a little. He’s beginning to choke you a little bit. With his arms still around you, you pivot on your heels so you’re face-to-face with his broad chest.

When you look up to Max’s face, your heart shatters into a million pieces. His tears continue to flow and violent sobs wrack his entire body, robbing him of the ability to speak and barely allowing a breath to be drawn. He’s going to hyperventilate. Fucking dammit.

“Max,” how many times have you said his name in the last few minutes? “Hey, breathe with me.”

Your hand cradles his jaw and your eyes focused on his blue ones and fuck, they’re as insanely beautiful as you remembered.

“Breathe.”

You perform exaggerated inhales and exhales so Max can match your breaths, his hands settling on your shoulders. His palms feel heavy against your shoulders and his fingers dig deep into your skin.

“I’m here, Champ. I’m here,” you assure him. “I’m here now.”

You wait until he calms down a little and when he does, your right hand searches for his, intertwining your fingers together to assure him that you’re not going anywhere just yet. Your other hand comes up to hold the area below his neck and you slowly guide him back to his car. It’s a little difficult, Max obviously has no intention to let you go, but you know how to make things work.

Max sits on the driver's seat with you standing outside of the car. He's still clinging onto your hand and you use the other hand to hold the roof of the car for support. Max stopped crying now, staring blankly at you with a sad pout on his face. His tears are now dry, staining his cheeks.

“You okay now, Champ?” you ask, never failing to sound gentle. That's what Max needs now. Gentleness. God forbid you pull a Jos Verstappen.

Max shakes his hand, making you sigh deeply. Your eyes trail to the hands, the pale skin now an angry red.

“Max,” you call his attention. He looks up at you and you have to avoid his gaze because if you look at his face, your heart hurts. “I’ll get something from the mini-mart for your burn, aight?”

He shakes his head and his grip on your hand impossibly tightens. If he keeps this up, he’s going to break your bones.

“No.”

If you were the same person that you were in 2023, you would have let Max do what he wanted. What Max wanted, what Max shall get—that’s the philosophy you lived by. But things are different now. Leo told you that you’re allowing Max to take too much from you and Max needs to learn to actually listen to you.

You’ve been taught to treat even the most minor of burns as if it’s a major burn. That's what you are planning to do right now.

“Max,” you say, a little firmer now. “Gonna grab somethin’ in the mart real quick, you stay here, aight?”

“No—”

“Not askin’, Champ,” you interrupt him. “I'm not leavin’ yet, not goin’ anywhere until I make sure you’re okay. So stay here and wait.”

You swiftly remove the key attached to your belt and force it into his palm, “Here are my keys. I’m not goin’ to drive off and leave you here, aight? Do you trust me?”

You have a feeling that this anxiety of his might have stemmed from that one incident in his childhood where Jos left him at a gas station. Fucking son of a bitch that man was.

Hesitantly, Max says, “I do.”

“Good,” you ruffle his hair, dampening your palm.

You can see he does not like what you're doing now but he does not have any choice so he sits in the car, looking as pitiful as ever. You jog up to the mini-mart, immediately going to the beverage section to grab a bottle of water and passing by the hygiene shelf to snatch a handkerchief. You go to the counter and the middle aged guy manning the register obviously does not look impressed that you’re in his shop for the third time in the same hour, which is stupid because he should be glad that he has a customer. You put everything on the counter, pulling out some bills from your back pocket.

“You happen to have neosporin?” you ask.

“Do we look like a drug store?” he retorts. You roll your eyes, toss the bills to the cashier, and grab your items without even waiting for the guy to wrap them all up in a paper bag. You jog back to Max’s car.

“Excuse me,” you lean inside the car, opening the compartment to search for a burn cream you left inside there last year. Your eyes land on his keys, stiffening when you notice that Max kept every single gift you gave him. The bead keychain from 2020, the bottle opener keychain from 2021, the clay figure keychain from 2022, and the bracelet from 2023 sway slightly, staring back at you. You shake your head and resume doing your original mission. You find the burn cream and you immediately search for the expiration date. January 2025; it’s still good to use.

You straighten, take hold of Max’s wrist gently, and roll up his long sleeves up to his elbows. You open the water bottle and tug Max’s hand towards you so he won't get water on his car as you pour water on his burn. Once the bottle is nearly empty, you apply the cream on the reddened area of his skin. Then, you use the handkerchief, which you dampen using the leftover water, to dress it.

Max is silent the entire ordeal, watching you work your way meticulously and carefully around his hand. The same meticulousness one can expect from a former firefighter paramedic volunteer.

You step back to inspect your work, but Max’s hand stretches out towards you, grabbing the hem of your jacket.

“Sorry,” he says and yet you see his knuckles slowly turning white, which makes you unsure if he truly is apologetic or not. “Just…yeah, sorry. Can you stay for a while please?”

“Have to leave soon,” you say. “El Paso’s still hours away. I have to be there by morning.”

He nods, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down, “Okay.”

“Thirty minutes, Max,” you decide. “Thirty minutes.”

You pull out your phone from your pocket to check the time and see the multiple notification bars. You type the password and direct to the message app to see the flurry of messages Max sent earlier. You have not noticed them.

max: i heard you came

max: where are you

max: please

max: can you give me ten minutes

max: just

max: please

max: wait for me

max: i’m not angry anymore

max: im begging you

max: or five minutes [name] im okay with just five

max: or even less

max: i just need to see you

“Who told you I was here?” you question, brows knitting together. There are currently two names in your head. They both start with the letter L and they both work at Williams.

“Leo called me and told me you were here.”

“Of course he did,” you roll your eyes. Logan will never dare betray you like this. You made Leo promise not to tell Max where you were in El Paso and the bitch told him where you were the moment you stepped out of El Paso. He didn't break his promise technically, but it's still a very bitch move for him to pull. You're going to have a lengthy conversation with him later.

“So you’ve been in El Paso?” he asks.

You nod.

“My grandparents’ place.”

He nods.

“Sorry about Julio, by the way.”

You sigh. God, you want to cry.

It's truly unfair how God decided to take away Julio [Last Name]. Death should happen to assholes and shitty people. To people who abuse their children every day. To people who waste years of their lifespan on nicotine and alcohol. To people who kill people. Death shouldn't happen to heroes, who risk every single day of their lives to save other people. Death shouldn't happen to Julio [Last Name], a firefighter who died saving a kid in a burning building. At least, not this early. Not until you fulfilled his dream for him.

(His last words: I don't regret doing what I did. I have kids, too. I want someone to save them the same way I did that kid if they ever get stuck in a situation like this.)

“Did Leo tell you that, too?” you hope that he didn't notice that your voice slightly wobbled.

“No,” Max shakes his head. “We—Logan and I came to Vista Del Pueblo in December. Your neighbor told us that…”

He doesn't need to finish his sentence for you to know what he’s trying to say.

You nod, “So that's why there was an article that day…”

You remember Damiano showing you the news article in his phone—AN UNLIKELY FRIENDSHIP: MAX VERSTAPPEN OF RED BULL RACING AND LOGAN SARGEANT OF WILLIAMS RACING SPOTTED DRIVING AROUND AUSTIN. You shrugged it off at that time.

“How are you?”

You turn to Max, raising a brow at his question.

“How am I?” you echo, sounding a little bewildered.

You see, Max has never asked this question. You're used to “Are you okay?” but not this. Not this question. You can easily lie to an are-you-okay. You can say yes even if you’re not, and you won't give yourself away because you only uttered one word. But with how-are-you, it’s different. It's not a question that is not answerable by yes or no. You actually have to explain how you feel. That's why Papa Julio only asked, “How are you, mija?” rather than “Are you okay, mija?” Papa Julio wants to know how your day went even if you're okay or not.

Yeah. You're definitely going to cry at this rate.

“How have you been after Julio?”

“You really wanna know?”

“I wanted to be there for you at that time,” Max confesses. “When I learned that Julio was gone, I wanted to go to you. But Leo stopped me. He said I was not what you needed at that time and I agree. I was too angry at you for leaving me. I’m glad he didn't tell me where you are, despite how painful it was. I was selfish and immature that I cared about my grief and forgot to consider yours. I reflected on my actions a lot. I am not sure how different I am now from that version of me but I think I changed a bit. So yes, [Name], I want to know, because I want to know how you felt and help you in any way I can.”

You stand there, stunned at what Max has said. And perhaps it was his sincerity or the way his determined blue eyes stare into your soul that caused the sixth domino to tip. You break into tears, a raw cry escaping your mouth. You are so fucking tired of carrying everything on your shoulders.

Max is quick to engulf you in a hug and you don't hesitate to pull him into you, pressing your face against his shoulders as you let everything out. You claw his back as if you're trying to mold himself into you. Your nose turns red, snot drips out of your nose. You sob too loud and too heavily that you can hardly draw a breath. You don't cry pretty and this is the first time you allowed yourself to cry with another person bearing witness to your fragility.

When you calmed down, you found yourself sitting beside Max, shoulder to shoulder, in the backseat of his car, playing with the drawstrings of your jacket.

“Sorry.”

“Don't be.”

“Sorry, I was just so tired,” you tip your head upwards. You can feel Max’s eyes on you. “Things have been hard since Papa died.”

“Do you want to talk? I’ll listen.”

You chuckle humorlessly.

Jesus, what did Leo feed this guy?

It feels like the roles are reversed now.

“Everybody's been takin’ it pretty hard so I'm trynna to be strong for them, you know? But I’m not that strong,” you begin. “I’m just as lost as everyone else and it's hard pretendin’ like I’m not. I’m not really sure what will happen with my life now so I wander around and do car repairs for a few folks in El Paso.”

“What happened to your dream? The job?”

“Well, it's gone,” you say, making Max’s eyes widen. “Not my time yet, I suppose. Or rather, I’m never supposed to have time. I guess I’m just not meant to be an engineer.”

“No,” Max turns to you, clasping your hands in desperation. “No, no, no. You always wanted to become an engineer. You can't just—I’ll think of something. I’ll ask Christian. I’ll ask the other teams. Renault isn't in Formula One right now but I can—”

“Max,” you smile sadly. “Let it go.”

“But—”

“Do you know what my Papa’s dream was?” you interrupt. “It’s to be a Formula One racer.”

You smile, remembering all the times you’ve seen your father watch the races on the television since you were younger. He’d wake up even in the ass crack of dawn just to watch them live. He’d be so tired after a 24-hour shift at the fire station but he’d refuse to even catch a wink of sleep until the Grand Prix broadcast is done. He always received a beating from your Mama because of it.

“He saw Senna in the newspaper and decided that he wanted to be like him, too. Sadly, Papa never vibed with a steering wheel so there was no future in that industry. He's always so disappointed in himself, sayin’ he can do the most unhinge shit at work but can't even drive a car. When Damiano and I turned five, he brought us karting. I could tell he was disappointed that Damiano didn't share his love for racing and I hated seein’ him sad so I learned to love karting. He signed me up and I did my best to win. I think I was good. Good enough to make him proud of me. Papa looked so happy when I won my first trophy. He cleaned it every week.”

You smile fondly at the memory.

“Then, shit happened and I have to stop. Papa looked even more disappointed than me that I had to stop. It hurts. Disappointment from your parents, I mean, even if I know that it's somethin’ beyond my control. I figured that if I can't be a racer, I’ll work in a pit stop. That's close enough. When I told him that I got accepted into USC and how I wanted to be an engineer, it was the proudest I have ever seen him since I won my trophy. I was livin’ his dream. I applied for Red Bull and Renault because those are Papa’s favorite teams and the rest is history.”

You pause.

“He’s never got to see me become an engineer,” you choke out, wiping the stray tear that fell from your eye with the back of your hand. “It was his dream. He always had his dreams broken and I was gonna reach his dreams for him but he’s gone before I can do so. Now, I’m so lost because I realized that I was shapin’ myself to become an extension of Papa and now that he's gone, I am an extension of no one. I was reaching for dreams that I don't own. I’m so tired and I’m so lost, Max.”

Max stares at you sadly.

“I should have talked to Christian sooner. Fuck, I hate myself for not talking to Christian. Fuck, why was I so selfish?” he presses the ball of his palms against his eyes in frustration. You chuckle, shaking your head.

“That’s okay,” you say. “I’ll find my way.”

You look at the scenery outside of the window. Night has fallen. You should have left for El Paso by now.

“I need to go,” you say, heart heavy.

“So soon?”

Max is panicking again.

“Jesus, Champ, calm down,” you pat his shoulders.

“Will I see you again?” Desperation laces his question.

“Dunno really,” you shrug.

“Can you wait for me?”

Your brows furrow.

“I’ll retire by 2028. No, that's still long. 2027. Ah no—2026? Can you wait for me? I—” Max’s hand trembles. “I love you. I love you, [Name]. I—I love you even before Kelly. I can’t. I can't lose you.”

The world stops.

“I am stupid, I am selfish, and I think I’m asking too much. If you can just wait for me, I’ll—I can even retire next year if you think it's too long—”

“Hold up right there, Champ,” you stop him. “You're not retirin’ early.”

“If you want me to, I will.”

You sigh in exasperation.

“Max,” your voice is low. “That’s your career. I’m not gonna—Jesus, Max don’t retire, okay? Not even for me. Retire only when you want to.”

This man is just…

You don't know if you want to choke him or kiss him.

“I want you to have me, [Name]. I… I want to be with you, to love you, and if retiring is the only way I can do that then I will,” he says. “I love you.”

You purse your lips.

“I love you, too, Max,” you confess and now, your chest feels lighter now that you've said it out loud. “But not now, I can't love you like this. I’m too… I can't pursue a relationship with you right now. Not when…”

“It's not our time,” Max nods. “I understand.”

He really did change.

“I want to find my way through life first," you tell him.

Max smiles and he pulls you again in a hug. He has tears in his eyes again and he sniffles, chuckling at himself for crying again. He pulls away from the hug slowly and hands you your keys.

“See you around?"

“See you around.”

You exit the car and you notice that your heart feels lighter now compared to the time you left Monaco even though you are doing the same exact thing—leaving Max to go home.

At the end of 2023, you grace the paddock with your presence—your signature YSL heels is back on the tracks. You wear pants now, instead of the corporate pencil skirts, matched with a Prema Racing polo shirt. The label at the back indicates: AERODYNAMIC ENGINEER. By the end of 2024, you are promoted to the strategy team. By 2025, you become a race engineer of an up-and-coming racing superstar and you kept the job position until now.

The world didn't end just because your Dad died. It took you a while to realize that your Papa didn't own your dreams. It was always yours to begin with. He just played a part in inspiring them.

Max Verstappen became the 2024, 2025, 2026, 2027, and 2028 WDC, marking history as an eight-time consecutive champion. He retired after the 2028 season and disappeared from the face of the Earth. He had stopped going home to his penthouse in Monaco, had put his private jet on sale, and had cut ties to his father, Jos, who was very disappointed that his son had retired too early in the sport. Max retired willingly—he had achieved more awards than most of his seniors and it's time to give room to the younger ones. Rumors say that he had established a racing program somewhere in Belgium. Charles Leclerc, Max's friend, refuses to update the media regarding Max's whereabouts and only says: "He's happy. Don't worry."

Years later, a thirteen-almost-fourteen year-old girl named Emiliana Julia Verstappen, racing under the American flag, become the youngest driver in history to join the ranks of the F1 academy and later, she becomes the youngest driver to ever drive a Formula One car, racing for Scuderia Ferrari as second driver, at only seventeen and a hundred and fifty days old, overthrowing Max Emilian Verstappen, retired eight-time F1 WDC, whom the world has not seen since his retirement, from the list.

[nortism]

Nor's Les Mis Fic Recommendations

I've been scouring les mis ao3 for a few months now so here are my fav fics I've found. I've tried my best to tag tumblrs where I can but let me know if you are the author of any of these and I'll tag you!

Three Days (or The One Where Javert and Valjean Take a Road Trip Through France and Raise a Child) by zamwessel

Rating: E

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean

Summary:

Javert calls what he thinks is Valjean's bluff about needing three days to find the child Cosette and intercede for her. The Inspector comes along for the ride -- and gets much more than he bargained for, in the process.

Notes: First Les Mis fic I ever read and its an absolute banger. It's pretty much exactly what it says on the tin and I'm a sucker for a kid fic so I absolutely adored it.

A Change of Bizarre Kind by M_Moonshade

Rating: E

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean

Summary:

Six months ago, Doctor Henry Jekyll sought to escape the dramatics of London by coming to M-sur-M. Tonight his murderer pays a visit to the Mayor Madeline. (Being the Curious Case of Inspector Javert and Mister Hyde)

Notes: Criminally underrated. Jekyll and Hyde AU but I went in knowing very little about that book and I could understand what was going on. Each chapter contains bits from the past and present day until the timelines eventually add up which makes the main mystery all the more compelling. Also Fantine is alive and well which is always nice.

Our Souls Still in Fetters by Cinaed

Rating: E

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean

Summary:

After Javert is assigned to discover a blackmailer within a public-house that caters to men who prefer other men, Valjean is unexpectedly drawn into the case. Together they must stop the blackmailer before any lives can be ruined...including their own.

Notes: This author has so many great Valvert fics but this one is probably my favourite. There's the classic "undercover as a couple" trope as well as old timey gay bars. Also a huge fan of how this author portrays Cosette and Valjean's relationship.

In Defiance of all Geometry by idiopathicsmile

Rating: T

Ships: Combeferre/Enjolras/Grantaire

Summary:

Amis House might not be the biggest student co-op, or the fanciest, but it's got something all its own. Specifically, smoke damage on the kitchen ceiling from that time Courfeyrac lit a political pamphlet on fire. In which there are secrets, pining, pancakes, and revelations, and sometimes the shortest distance between three points is not a triangle but a circle.

Notes: I love a good poly fic and this is one of the best. Also just a generally fun and wholesome friendship fic. Definitely a nice comforting read after all the old man angst I've got on here.

Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight) by Need_To_Comment_Rising (@aromantic-enjolras)

Rating: T

Ships: Courfeyrac/Enjolras, Combeferre/Courfeyrac (Its complicated)

Summary:

Enjolras takes a swig of his drink with everyone else, and then smirks at Courfeyrac over the rim of his glass. "You didn't seem to mind much me being bossy yesterday night when I had you in my bed..." At his side, Grantaire chokes on his drink and starts coughing. But how did we get here, you might ask? Well, let’s rewind. ------- Enjolras and Courfeyrac have had a friends with benefits arrangement for a while. But when Coureyrac starts dating Combeferre, Enjolras is left with the question of where he fits in the new status quo...

Notes: Another poly fic with aromantic!Enjolras. I love fics with unconventional relationship dynamics as well as people actually communciating with each other (though not before there's been some hijinks ofc). Criminally underrated.

How Marius (Painstakingly) Won the Hand of Mlle. Fauchelevent by writingsyrup (@syrupsyche)

Rating: G

Ships: Cosette/Marius

Summary:

When setting out to woo his beloved Cosette, Marius had never imagined that it would bring him to this: sitting at a dining table next to her grim-faced father, and staring at the marble that was Enjolras picking at his peas. Or; Enjolras and Cosette are siblings in 19th century France. Marius has to deal with the consequences of this.

Notes: Probably the best Marius characterisation I've ever read, he's just so awkward and weird bless him. I love a good awkward "meeting the parents" and this filled that hole in my heart. Is part of a wider series but can be read as a standalone.

Omnia mutantur, nihil interit by Apathy and saltedpin

Rating: M

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean, Cosette/Marius Pontmercy

Summary:

Valjean's panting breath does not belong to him. He scrambles out of the bed and stumbles on too-light feet to the mirror in the corner, although he already knows what he will see. Peering back at him from behind a curtain of dark hair, wide-eyed, is Éponine Thénardier. Jean Valjean awakens one morning from uneasy dreams to find that something quite unexpected has happened during the night.

Notes: Cosette and Javert get bodyswapped and Marius is weirdly into it, if that's not enough to convince you to read this fic then idk how to help you. Not normally a huge body swap fan but this was absolutely hilarious as well as having some genuinely sweet moments. Also Theodule is there which means something to some people.

It's Not the Same Anymore by ShameDumpster (@shamedumpster)

Rating: T

Ships: Enjolras/Grantaire

Summary:

Grantaire is a bookstore clerk in his late twenties, and to everyone’s eternal disbelief, a father. It’s been years since he’s seen anyone from his former group of friends, after a falling out cleaved him from the ABC, but everything changes when Enjolras walks into his bookstore. Can they rekindle their friendship, or something more, while they both come to terms with how their lives have changed over the past decade?

Notes: SO SO GOODDD!! Top tier slowburn kid fic, I could wax poetic about it for days. Had me gripped from start to finish.

Acts of Mercy by cruisedirector and Dementordelta

Rating: M

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean

Summary:

After witnessing and reporting a murder, Javert is dismissed from the police and takes a job protecting the women in a brothel, where many of his long-held ideas about justice are challenged.

Notes: Breaking, man from the 1800s finds out that life for women is hard. Such a solid redemption arc fic with some really memorable ocs.

Lynx's Claws and Wolf's Mane by Kaleran

Rating: T

Ships: None

Summary:

When he is older, when he is a prison guard, he thinks back to his childhood and realizes he had been considerably fortunate. "Prison is no place for a girl like you," his mother told him often, usually fussing with what rags they could use for clothing. "Forgive me for this, draga mea." And so, instead of a daughter, she pretended to have a son.

Notes: Completely canon compliant except Javert is trans and the impact that has on the story really adds an extra layer to his character that I find really compelling. Warning, it is very depressing bc canon.

[danielsarmand]

i'm getting used to the idea that my opinions in this fandom will often be the opposite of whatever the general public seems to think, but i thought human nature and family of blood were just... okay. they're very... charming episodes, to be sure, the storyline is novel and the sets, cinematography, costumes and acting are great, i just feel like it left me feeling bitter more than it left me thinking ‘oh, that's a nice episode!’

this, of course, mostly resides in how martha was treated as a character. after two episodes which, more or less, seemed to highlight her qualities and actions and existence beside her feelings for the doctor, we're back at it. and i'm tired of martha being sandboxed in them. and i know that's the whole thing with her storyline, but it's so hurtful to witness over and over how she'll basically never be enough for the doctor, no matter the universe—mostly because so little of it rings true to me. i do not believe ten would never look at her twice. i do not believe there is no way he could fall for her. i do not believe he doesn't like her. he surely likes her enough to flirt with her, and the writers have such fun planting all those little innuendos in his dialogue toward (or regarding) her, but it's like they take some sort of perverse pleasure out of then shutting the door in her face and trying to make the audience believe that's rightful and that she has no reason to be hurt by it. it's exhausting.

martha does have the single most important role here, as she does in quite the number of episodes in her run as the companion. i always joke that the doctor would have regenerated 53 million times if it wasn't for martha, but that's actually not much of a joke. she's saved him so many times. and when, at the beginning, the doctor asks her whether she trusts him, what he really should've done is he should've told her “i trust you”, because the whole thing boiled down to martha having to fix his mess and the doctor 100% believing she would. at least he said something about everything being in her hands, which could be counted as implicit admission of trust, but yeah. the dialogue implying she is the one to have to trust that the doctor will come back to her, despite having to be the one to make him come back, is just...

i adore ten. he is the reason i started watching the show—well, tennant is—and i felt his absence so much during these two episodes that when john smith briefly spoke in the tenth doctor way of speaking my heart grew three sizes, but there's something deeply... off with his characterization at times. or maybe it isn't off, as such, just his flaws are highlighted a lot more than other doctors'—which is fine, per se, he's a 900+ old alien i don't want, need nor expect him to be perfect. it's just, coupled with the questionable general arc of this season with martha and him always in this wobbly, awkward spot between friendship and something else, and the way they seem to use martha as a cushion to fall back onto and punch when the doctor fucks up, it leaves a bad aftertaste in my mouth i guess. specifically because i think too much, and i often think about how so many people dislike martha for things that have so little to do with her and so much to do with the absence of rose, the faults of the doctor and the disservice the writers did to what could've been—and has been, if you look at her—an amazing character. a widely beloved one.

you know what, the episode would have been fine. john smith wasn't the doctor, he had this thing with the nurse or whatever, fine. part of the plot, i guess, was that of course he wouldn't have wanted to give humanity up, and what better reason not to want that than to feel love while trapped as a human? fine. but what i don't really get, and what makes me feel a little sick to my stomach actually, is the ending. where he goes back and talks to joan and asks her, or really, when you think about it, tries to manipulate her into coming with him. that's nothing new, the doctor is pretty manipulative and always has been, but he usually uses the allure of space-time travel and breathtaking sights and incredible adventures to basically kidnap his companions like some sort of old ass peter pan, and he's honest with it. he does genuinely think, every time, that what he'll offer the people he takes with him is so much better than whatever they might be thinking of doing with their lives that they will ultimately be happy they followed him. and they are, until they aren't, because that's the tragedy in doctor who for you, but here. here, he uses feelings. he uses joan's feelings for john and somehow promises her he's still capable of whatever john was, including falling for her. and why would he do that. that's just mean. to joan, to martha, hell, even to himself. i really have absolutely no clue what they were trying to do with this scene except, as i said, highlighting his flaws. because he knows damn well. he knows damn well that, even if he were to fall for her, she'd have to leave or die and it would break both of their hearts. that's the whole theme with him, isn't it? i thought it was. he's just experienced that with rose and he's keeping everyone at arms-length because he doesn't want it to happen again, and that's understandable. but then he goes and does this. i don't know. i simply don't know. there's also the whole thing where joan tells him she wants nothing to do with him, because she's in love with john—not some doctor—and he, the doctor, has caused so much harm choosing that specific place in space-time to hide. and the thing is, he's so creepy in that whole scene. when he speaks to her, the things he says, how he says them, how he looks at her when she calls him out. amazing acting, but there's something so dark about him in these episodes that i can't help but want to crawl out of my skin.

one might argue that he tried to get her to come with him because he remembered what john felt for her, or at least what happened between them. and that's further sustained by them hinting at him remembering what martha said to him about him being everything, and her loving him to bits. but that just makes it feel more gratuitously mean to everyone involved (so, ten as well), and steeps the two episodes in this... bitterness, which takes from the overall enjoyment. for me, at least.

there's also other things i disliked about the ep, like when in the video the doctor tells martha ‘you. don't make me leave you behind’ which kind of sounds like he was expecting he would? same way as he was expecting he'd hurt people because that's what humans do, which i agree with, but why underline the fact that he was potentially going to leave her? of course she would have stayed close in order to make him turn back to himself, i don't think that really needed saying. that's just one of the little jabs to martha the writers love to insert in scripts. thing is, i despise them! anyway, the post is long as it is, just—if there's one thing i loved (and it wasn't nearly enough to make up for the rest, but,), it was the way ten hugs martha after he tells her ‘thanks for looking after me’. with his eyes closed and that genuine, childlike smile. engulfing her completely. i so wish things had gone differently between them.

[bigdsgirl]

Live thoughts of Doctor Slump Finale

Because I don't I have the capacity to do anything else

If you open the cut and go "damn heidi chill", here is a summary of my reaction:

Warning: this will not be coherent. :)

THEY MAKING ALCOHOL TOGETHER! He wants to celebrate every moment with her!!! I am in LOVE!!!

HE MADE HIS OWN NOODLES!!!! Ba-da!! I am so proud of you!!!!

Lol Jeong woo, you know how to be too honest

omg y'all reliving the magical evening - same girlies, same

Ba-da's first PAYYYYYYYYYYYCHECK!!!! Proud of our lil worm <3

he wants to buy her meat!!!!!! stop!!!! as an elder sister, this is a MOMENT! and the photoshoot is everything. a plus.

boy time boy time! these two crack me up. truly besties forever

let's fight! fight to the death! ah yes, never change

I've been watching too much dune, that's all I could think about when I saw the patient

look at our girl! being a supportive professor <3

thoughtful boyfriend (husband of my heart)

oh no this man thinks she is gonna say yes

the HAIR FLIP I LOVE HIM!

oh wait wait wait so what was she gonna say if she found out about the US stuff AFTER talking about their date!!!

he is so babygirl <3 my PRINCESS i luv him

the honesty about his nerves! let's communicate!

SO SHE WAS GONNA SAY YES AJGKFLGDJALKGJd

oh fuck that's an amazing opportunity - she's gotta do it! she's gotta!

I want you to always follow your heart - I am deceased they are so amazing together

most mature drama (in the best fucking way ugh this makes me so happy)

and I know he is still stressed and freaking, but that his first move is to make sure she goes! gah!

LOL the VASE! THE STEAK! this man is dying a bit inside

he was made for this role, his monologues kill me! every time!

the worming on the bed LOOOOL

bestie cheer jeong-woo up! right! now! <3

the leave and let me be in the elevator and Dr. Bin's response -- i am in stitches!!

LETS FREAKING GO HONG RAN!! Baddie of the century!!! fuck yeah! the wink agjdlkfgjalkdfg

wait! girly! please! don't resign! where you going I love you putting Dr. Bin in his place! wait never mind she wants to travel, I support this <3

I am leaving to pursue my happiness! that's RIGHT!

sad puppy jeong-woo is everything to me. i just wanna squish his cheeeeeks!

oh the perfect words, just what he needed to hear.

these two are just giving me cavities LEFT AND RIGHT!!!!

they are so supportive of each other! they talk it out! they love each other! i LOVE THEM SO MUCH!

my dramatic prince - omfg they are sobbing together already lkajfgaldk;fgjadfklgj

oh wait they TOOK BACK THE OFFER???? oh wait that did not go where I thought it would.

oh girl you gotta blurt it out. TELL HIM NOW.

Jeong-woo is a water sign right ? as a big three triple water sign, he's GOTTA BE!

THE PARTY JAKLDFJGLKAF - this is gonna be hilarious. i love the flower on uncle's head hehehehe

the sad singing oh my god this is so funny

wait he SAW! omg! what! and the dramatics, silly gooses

I am so glad she advocated for herself - even if she didn't go her way and she was just expressing her frustration.

god they have grown so much, it's so beautiful to see

he took classes! my beloveds!

oh she's taking the test! and it's improved! oh I am so happy for her. what a beautiful journey we have been on together.

i love the message that getting better is not being happy again, it's about building strength and confidence that you can step through the difficult moments

oh Dr. Bin, don't dig yourself into a hole ya dumb dumb (love you though)

mother son bonding! love this

I am going to miss Ha-neul's mom so much. she is such a beautiful soul. 😭😭😭😭

I was wondering when my Kopiko ad placement would arrive, and A+ work

Hong-ran please, I can't take this romantic speech now. I am weak.

omg! Jeong-woo is opening his own clinic! omg HE TOLD HIM TO GO! I adore you sir.

these two have my heart.

FANCY CAR FOR MY FANCY MAN! Love it and him. ooooooooo sir you look fab in the fancy suit. bahaha, i love the switch to reality and how much happier he is! <;3

oh my, what a gorgeous clinic (working at a FQHC, our clinics so different lol)

WAIT WHO IS THIS GIRL???????????????????? omg. omg uncle get the girl let's freaking GO. wait. wait. oh my fucking god he opened this for HER? someone hold me, I am going to faint.

the little wave at her husband's grave, I am unwell.

Dr. Bin -- i'm sorry but oh my god what are you doing. his daughter just staring at him, i love it.

oh my god the photo of the four of them on her desk!!!! *screaming*

is the anesthesiologist gonna be a private detective?

aw man, he's gonna go work for our king jeong-woo, still dope tho.

WELL GO SEE THE SUNRISE NOW YA CUTIES!

*sobs at all these beautiful moments*

Jeong-woo, you are a better man than I, I would be spitting on that grave : )

what a gorgeous sunrise, what gorgeous beans!

WEDDING PHOTOSHOOT IS NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!! JGKLDAGFJDLAKFGJ

he's so excited to get his answer i love them

running on the beach??? bye. I will be dying now from all this love.

oh my god the photoshoot at all the spots important to them AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

in conclusion: i love them and i adore this drama.

[butchtwelfthdoctor]

I REWATNHED WORLD ENOUGH AND TIME AND MY GOD. WIFGSOHXOAHXISBXKABXKSNXKSBKABKCBAKCHAOFHAOBDKSBXKSBDKSBDJS WHERE TO EVEN START. ANDJSHIJHBBBVVGYKKBAKXBAOXHAOHXOAHDKSHSJCHSJSHBXBBAJOAHDOSUSOWJOJQOD I JUST LOVE IT ALL SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LITERALLY ADORE THE MONDASIAN CYBERMEN THEYRE SO MUCH MORE UNCANNY THAN REGULAR CYBERMEN. ALSO, I AM OBSESSED WITH THE COLONY SHIP?? AND THE MASTER AKDBKSBDJS I JUST LOVE IT ALL SO MUCH HWOAIWOHWOWHWOWJWKWJWJJHHHHHHHHHHH

AHJSNHAJGNSHAGNIUNJEGMGENHEGHMGMSHAGSNASAOIUIUIWUIEUWNIHSAINISHNAHSNOIENIEOUNOIASAUSIONEIOUENOIEE WORLD ENOUGH AND TIMEEEEEEEE WORLD ENOUGH AND TIME. WORLD!!! ENOUGH!!!!!!!!! AND TIME!! IF ONLY!!! THEY HAD TIME!!!!!!!! YOU SEE BECAUSE !!!!!!!!!! SHE JUST NEEDS TIME!! WITH HIM!!! AND HES GONG TO REGNERATE HE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!!!!! WORLD ENOUGH AND TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM! SO NORMAL!!

and yessssss the mondasian cybermen are far creepier because you can See the person under there. they look like people whereas other cybermen just look like robots. BUt the mondasian ones.... like what is under that fabric. if the fabric got ripped what would you see. do you think twelve knows what bill looks like under there do you. do you think he knows. AND MISSY AND THE MASTER THEYRE SOOOOO SO SOANSAHSJKNAHSAKJSHAN my visceral reaction when it was revealed to be saxon master again the first time i watched that like AISNAIUSGNANSGAISAOSAISAUIUWIEUWOEUWEERUGHEEURGH TWISYY. TWISSY My BELOVED> I LOVE YOU TWISSY AMSHAUMSGAGMAISYGYGMEM MISSYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY and twelves HAIR

ITS HIM!!! HE CAME BACK!!! THEY STAB EACH OTHER!!!! IN THE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS OUR PERFECT ENDING!!!! AJHGSNAIUS i know thats the doctor falls but yknow. yknow KJAHSNIUNSGHJAKANASAKS and YEAGH i love teh spaceship uts so cool but also how horrifying is it that generatiins have passed at one end and three days at the other teh. tume difference haunts me THE TIME HORROR OAUHSUINHIAUNSHASJHAN

[twotimeracewinnerlandonorris]

the season is over and there are a lot of thoughts, even more thots. anyway.

we've got carlos who finished p5, same as last year, equaling his best ever but he got 81,5 more points this year (the 0,5 is from spa). that's huge. especially considering his 6 dnf's, the fact that he was, at least after last race, the driver with the least amount of laps. carlos also won his first race this year, my beloved silverstone, something he was so deserving of and was a long time coming. he got three pole positions, two of those on merit and one because of a grid drop, and managed to snag 9 podiums.

let's just talk about that for a moment. nine podiums. before this year, he had a combined number of 6 podiums, two from mclaren and four from ferrari. he tried his best at all times, and showed what a great team player he is, although i know there are certain people out there who will disagree on that. but the thing is that fact doesn't care about feelings and it's a fact that carlos was a tremendous asset to ferrari this whole season, not only because of his driving but because of his assertiveness and how, even when driving 300 km/h, he manages to strategies both his own race and his teammate's.

this man has shown such growth in his time with the red team. he's a born leader. someone who is calm and collected at all times and can think and react in a crisis or when he's clearly being fucked over by some bad strategy calls. he's someone who dares stand his ground and he gets treated with respect because he knows what he wants, know what he can do and understands what needs to be done. carlos had a wonderful season marred by very few errors and a bunch of bad luck and i can't wait to see him take on 2023.

and then there's lando norris. best of the rest. p7 which is a drop from last year but we didn't even expect top 10 at the start of the season. hasn't gone out in q1 in quali since germany 2019, the only driver outside of the top 3 teams to break the 100+ point barriers, fought the whole season against a pair of drivers who were in a superior car pace-wise yet managed to outscore both of them. that valiant fight almost handed mclaren p4 in the championship fight, but it was not to be. the only driver outside of the top 3 teams, alongside zhou, to get the fastest lap (he even got 2!), the only driver outside of rbr, ferrari and merc to get a podium, the official f1 1,5 champion, teammate vs teammate quali champion. ended the season with 85 more points than his teammate, basically keeping mclaren afloat.

do i need to go on? it's ridiculous that people out there keep on underestimating him when he's one of the most consistent drivers on the grid, with one of the worst cars. his most amazing drive this year was when he was more dead than alive from tonsillitis, and one of his best quali showings was while he had food poisoning in brazil, which just goes to show how much he wants to do well for his team and how much the team means to him (that's not to say that i liked how the doctors and higher-ups allowed him on track).

it's incomprehensible that there are people out there who literally hate him for doing his job, showing how great he is in mid-machinery, and for showing actual personality instead of a run-of-the-mill pr persona. especially since their faves show nothing but love and adoration towards him. it's doesn't matter what driver it is - carlos, lewis, seb, alex, george, yuki, este, max, kevin, daniel and yes, even pierre - they all love him; some even adore him.

he is the future of f1 and he is in great company. and he will prove that once and for all, given the right equipment. i'm optimistic as hell for 2023 and lando norris.

[takaraphoenix]

Can I have Law for your ship game?

I am gonna assume you mean the character ask game? Since the ship ask game I'd reblogged was fandom centric and not character specific? ^^

My first impression of them: I'm sorry is that a polar bear sitting next to this guy? Tell me MORE???

When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like): when the three captains teamed up outside the auction house that was like "Oh HELL yeah"

A song that reminds me of them: I got nothing xD

How many people I ship them with: one, honestly, just this one, very OTP

My favorite ship of them: Luffy :3

My least favorite ship of them: Law and Robin is a thing and I don't get it

A quote of them that you remember: sorry I don't do these

Your favorite outfit of them: I MISS HIS ORIGINAL HAT!! ;-; but also Punk Hazard coat my beloved

Your least favorite outfit of them: stupid timeskip hat with the weird cap :/

Describe the character in one sentence: traumatized surgeon who gathers misfits in his crew and is weirdly obsessed with Luffy

What’s the first thing you think about when thinking about the character?: Bepo. Sorry. Just. THIS character, with everything else given his design, to get a bestie polar bear is so wild I love it

Sexuality hc!: gaaayyyy

Your favorite friendship they have: BEPO

Best storyline they had: for sure Dressrosa, the background the angst the awesome

Worst storyline they had: incapable of bad storyline sorry

A childhood headcanon: he loved his sister so much

What do you think their first word was?: no

How do you think they were as a kid? (Like, were they shy, noisy, wild, etc): a bit too serious but still so adorable

The most random ship you've seen people have with them: I just still think Robin like where what

A weird headcanon: I don't think I have a weird hc for him

When do you think they were at their happiest?: when his family and country were still alive and he was just a happy child, beloved by his parents and sister

When do you think they were at their lowest?: RIGHT after he lost everything like holy shit he was so small, and deadly sick and everyone else was dead damn I can't wait for OPLA to let me introduce him to my bestie

Future headcanon: he names his daughter after his sister

What do you think is a secret they have that they never told anyone?: I don't know

When do you think they acted the most ooc: got nothing sorry

When do you think they were being "themselves" the most?: I... don't know?

If they could meet a character from another show/movie/etc, who would be the most fun for them to meet?: I really want to say some doctor/surgeon but deadass I can not think of a single one right now

The most unnecessary thing they ever did?: his stupid ass disguises. so bad. I love him

How do you think they would be as a parent? (and if they are a parent, how do you think they would be if they weren't?): strict but loving

The funniest scene they had?: When he got carried around like a sack of potatoes by Luffy. But also when he proposed the alliance to Luffy and thought Luffy would take that as a serious actual alliance and not as a "oh we're besties now ur gonna tag along to all my bad decisions like my nakama do <3" that was so funny of him nooo

Character Ask Game

[waterfallofspace]

Old Habits and New Friends.

The one where Y/osano has a cold, and learns how to be okay with this 'weakness' showing in front of her coworkers family. In turn, she learns a bit more about how much they care for her.

So I've been thinking about the beloved bringer of life doctor a lot. She's haunting in every sense and I adore her. Thus, this was born. There's quite a lot of 'character dynamic study' things in this, just fair warning! I love thinking about 'A/DA as a Family' Things <3

Characters: Y/osano, R/anpo, D/azai, K/unikida, F/ukuzawa (briefly) and no ships, this is all platonic-family things <3 Word Count: 2.9k

(References to Y/osano's backstory so slight spoiler warning)

~~~~~~~

As she stands outside the offices of the Armed Detective Agency, Yosano allows herself to take a moment. A gloved hand rubs her nose, trying to fend off the cold that’s been attempting to break her all week. Sickness isn’t a common occurrence for her, but it’s not incredibly rare either. She bites back a cough as she reaches for the handle of the door, sliding into the office with confidence she isn’t quite feeling. 

The room is mostly empty, the only other person visible being Ranpo. He’s seated at his desk, munching on some ‘candy of the week’ and scanning the paper. ‘Likely hunting for cases. He managed to irritate the police again so they haven’t come to him for a few days. Seems he’s getting bored.’ Her presence isn’t addressed, though there’s no doubt he knows she’s here. 

Another prickle works its way through her chest, barely being contained by a quick throat clear. Pointing herself towards her office, Yosano allows her gait to border on running as she glides towards the safe embrace of privacy. Being sick has never been something she was fond of, even before Mori. 

She’s always had the mentality of ‘fight through it, don’t show weakness’. Mori certainly didn’t help with that, stoking her strong personality right alongside the fear of being weak. Even with the ADA, she’d managed to distance if sickness emerged, or fight off anything before it could progress past a mild cold. 

“Yosano?”

Freezing, she allows the hope of a clean escape to fizzle away, pasting a smile onto her face as she turns to face Ranpo. ‘Hopefully he just wants a little praise, or help picking a case. Something simple I can finish quickly before he notices I’m… unwell.’ The thought is pointless, he’s been aware from the minute he saw her. She knows this just as much as him. Still, denial is a powerful drug if you want to believe it strongly enough. 

“Yes, Ranpo?”

“Help me with these cases. They’re just all so boring! Not worth the trip, I could solve them from here. Is it so much to ask for something interesting to happen?”

“Let me have a look. Hm, what about this one? Three people vanished from the-”

“The most boring of them all! It’s so obvious that it was the ferry captain, and they’ll all be returned safely within the week, it’s some insurance thing.” 

“I see. Well then, ma- hehh… maybe the car crash?” 

“Open and shut, he was on his phone and fled the scene. He’ll turn himself in tomorrow, the guilt weighing on him. Next!”

“There’s also th- the… hh’keshh-! hk’yieshh’iee-! ih’keshh’ieu-! Excuse me, sorry.” 

She ducks into her arm for the fit, turning as far from Ranpo as possible. When she spins back with the apology falling off her tongue, Ranpo has leaned forward, eyes showing under the brim of his hat. He’s looking her over in a way she’s painfully familiar with: studying her. After a moment he lets the nonchalant look rest over his face once more, eyes ducking back under his hat.

“It’s fine. Unlike my boredom. Find me an interesting case, I’m running out of snacks!”

“Is that how we ask for things?”

“Mmm… fine. Please find me an interesting case.” 

“Better. I mean- it’s quite difficult since you’re so talented at solving them but… hold on- ek’teshh’ieu-! Scuse me. Maybe this one?” 

“That one is al- oh actually, I didn’t see that one before.” 

“You’re welcome then. So is it worthy of your-” 

Breaking off, Yosano spins around again, aiming the cough towards her arm once more. She lets her thoughts wander as it pours out. ‘Damn it, I was hoping to hold out a little longer. This cold might be stronger than I gave it credit for, but I’m still tougher. I can take it.’ Ranpo has remained silent, but as she turns back he meets her gaze with a smile.

“You want a candy?”

“No, I’m okay. Thank you though.”

“I think you should have a candy. It’s exactly what you need right now.”

“Well alright, since you insist…” 

Grin forming, Ranpo reaches into his desk and pulls out a bright wrapper, holding it out in his palm. A blush creeps across Yosano’s face as she recognizes the brand of cough drop. She takes it, turning it over between her fingers before popping it in her mouth. In an effort to change the topic from the direction it’s steering in, she dawns a playful smirk.

“You shouldn’t be eating these like sweets, you know. They’re not bad for you, but they are still medicine.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t snack on them. I just keep them around in case…”

“Good to hear. And uh… thank you, Ranpo.” 

“No problem!” 

The innocent tone is a comfort and she offers a smile in return. The taste of honey offers a soothing relief against her throat, but does nothing for the buzzing in her nose. Rubbing a finger against it, she allows a single sniff before dropping her hand again. She chews up the cough drop, surprise crossing her features as Ranpo lets out a laugh. 

“I thought I was the only one who did that!”

“Did what..?”

“Chewed them up. You’re supposed to suck on them, but I’ve always liked chewing them.” 

“Oh, yeah! Actually… you are supposed to let them linger. It’s better for you that way, you get to absorb more of the effects, but I’ve never had the patience for thhahh… that. hH’ieshh’iue-! hk’eshhii-! ek’zieshh’ieu-!” 

“Shouldn’t you be at home resting?”

The laughter they had been sharing fades immediately. Her body language veers to defensive, arms crossing over her chest. The change doesn’t go unnoticed by Ranpo as he sits up in the chair, head tilting down to meet her eyes. All smiles are gone, instead her face is tight, a tense calm resting over it as Ranpo offers something unreadable. 

“I’m fine to work.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t. I asked if you should be resting.”

“No. I don’t need to rest, I’m f- fine… hh’eNG’shh-! ek’tnngt-!”

“Hey… you don’t need to do that.”

“Do- hn’tngt-! what?”

“You know what I mean. There’s no need to do that, okay?” 

Yosano pales a little, but gives a tight nod as she feels the tickle swell once more. ‘It’s okay. It’s okay with Ranpo, it’s… it’s okay.’ She lets the words repeat in her head, arms slowly uncrossing as she raises one to her face, leaning away from Ranpo again. 

“hk’iESHh’ihh-! heh’KSHHii-! heh- kn’TIEZSHhh’iue-!” 

Without a word Ranpo abruptly stands, starting to walk towards the couch. He gestures for her to follow, and with a hint of hesitation, she does. Once they reach it, Ranpo sits first, choosing a position at one end of it, before motioning next to him. She follows the direction once more, still hesitant, trying to figure out where this is going. 

She sinks down onto the couch, posture tight, each muscle tensing. ‘What is he going for here… is he trying to put me at ease? It’s not working if so… b- but that’s not like him. There’s got to be some goal. Some plan he’s putting to work based on deductions about me and my health. Maybe he’s-’ Before she can finish the thought a sensation rips her from the spiral.

Ranpo has one hand running down her back, calm eyes peeking out from behind his hat. It’s as if he’s waiting for her reaction before continuing. She lets herself go limp, releasing the tension that had been gripping her. A small smile slips over his features, his other hand coming up and guiding her head down to his shoulder. Before she can process the change, she finds herself relaxing into his touch. 

“I’m gonna keep looking for cases. You are gonna rest.”

“You’re not the boss of me.” 

Even as the words form on her lips she feels her eyes flutter shut, leaning deeper into Ranpo’s shoulder. True to his word, he begins rambling about cases, explaining the ones that are too easy, and pondering on the ones he’d need to see the scene to figure out. Yosano lets herself drift into the sounds of the office, worry fading away. 

~~~

After a few minutes the door slams open, Dazai waltzing in. He freezes at the sight of them, hands in his pockets as he surveys the scene. Yosano pops up quickly, careful to tighten her expressions once more as she feigns nonchalance, letting her legs cross and one arm droop over the couch. The safety she felt with Ranpo has evaporated, her relationship with Dazai not solid enough to allow it to remain. 

Weakness has never been something she’s okay with others seeing, and Ranpo was the first it truly felt okay with. Dazai though… while she doesn’t dislike the man, she’s hesitant to let him see her in that state.

‘I see Mori in him sometimes… Just- in the small things. The way he carries himself, how he plans, the expressions he’ll choose to wear. Though… I often wonder if he feels the same about me. I know he isn’t the same, and I shouldn’t be treating him like he is… but…’ 

She lets her eyes drift to his face, expecting some form of taunt to spill out at any time. Instead, much to her surprise, his usually unreadable expression softens and without a word he places himself on the free side of her.

Her gaze tracks each movement, hand raising to her mouth as another cough starts to break through. Through it all, Dazai remains silent, posture very cautiously relaxed in that deeply rehearsed method she’s all too familiar with.

The coughing tampers off, the itch in her nose taking this as a perfect time to re-emerge. For a minute she considers suppressing it, but Ranpo’s hand still gently rubbing her back provides enough comfort to let it out against her arm. 

“hh’KSHH’iee-! hk’ESHH’iue-! hahhh- tnSHH’ihh-! ‘Scuse me.”

“Bless you.”

“Th- thank you.” 

The blessing comes as a surprise, and she finds herself thanking him out of instinct. She still holds a reasonable amount of caution, but there’s something… almost soft about the expression he’s wearing. As she lets out another sniffle, he points a measured look in her direction, before muttering something.

“Sorry, didn’t quite catch that?” 

There’s a noticeable pause as Dazai’s cheeks gain a hint more colour than before. He raises his gaze to meet hers, and clears his throat before speaking again. Yosano can’t help but feel a rush of protectiveness as the voice that comes out sounds almost timid. 

“I just asked if you were feeling okay?”

Yosano wants to say yes. Everything inside her is screaming to say yes. ‘Deny till the very end, don’t show weakness, don’t admit flaws. Tell him that you’re fine, and then be fine. We don’t tolerate weakness in our soldiers.’ But… something about the cautious look on his normally collected face washes every image of Mori from her mind. 

Dazai is nothing like him, no, he’s just like her. Taken in way too young by a person with no intentions of saving them. Never given the chance to be anything other than what he planned for.

She had managed to find something special here; to become someone special here. Someone that’s good, and kind, and her. And watching Dazai’s actions since he joined… seeing the look on his face now… well, maybe he’s trying to find that too. 

“Not really. I have a bit of a cold. hih’ISHhiee-! aisHH’iew-! hk’SHH’iue-! hh’KSHH’ih-!” 

“Bless you.” 

“Wow, even I couldn’t get her to admit to illness out loud.” 

Up until now Ranpo had remained silent, watching the interaction play out. However, upon her admittance, he gives a low noise, somewhere between a chuckle and a gasp. At the statement Yosano turns to him, Dazai’s eyes following suit, and gives him a light smack. 

“Hey! That hurt…” 

“Oh really? Are you- injured now? Because I can certainly help with that if youuu…”

“No! No, no I think I’m okay.” 

Laughter bubbles from her chest as she lets her head dip to rest once more against Ranpo’s shoulder. Dazai joins in with a light chuckle of his own, leaning back into the couch. Not a minute passes until Yosano’s sitting up again, another set of sneezes tumbling out into her waiting arm. 

“hh’KSHHiee-! aiiyshhh’iue-! hehh’tizshh’iue-! Excuse me.” 

“Bless. Hang on.” 

With that Dazai stands up, walking over to his desk and starting to aggressively rummage through the drawers. Ranpo and Yosano watch it unfold, neither sure what he’s doing, until he returns, triumphantly holding a pack of tissues above his head.

“Thought you might want these!”

“I didn’t know you kept tissues in your desk?”

“Yeah, well… never know when they might come in useful. Placing them in Kunikida’s belongings when he comes in with the sniffles is particularly fun.”

“You’ve done- hH’TSHH’iee-! ‘Scuse me. Done that before?”

“Of course! This one time I bought a bunch of identical packs, then kept leaving one on his chair in the same exact position every time he left the room! When he asked, I always said I didn’t know what he meant. Ended up going home early cause he was sure he was losing his mind!” 

By this point Ranpo is leaning against Yosano, the couch shaking with laughter. Dazai shoots them a wicked smile, tossing the pack at the couch, which she catches easily. Attempting to suppress laughter of her own, she wears a fake glare, pointing it first at Dazai before turning it to Ranpo. 

“Boys, that’s not nice.” 

“Maybe not, but it sure is hilarious. Besides, he’s the one who forces me to do paperwork on a weekend! Way I see it, he’s asking for a little torment.” 

Yosano just sighs, pulling a few tissues out as she directs another “hih’KSHH’ihh-! tiezshh’iue-! hk’ISHH’iee-!” into the soft folds before lightly blowing. Grimacing at the quality of it, she coughs a few times before sucking it up and blowing again.

Ranpo gives her a sympathetic smile before turning back to the paper, dead to the world once more as he surveys cases. Yosano turns her attention back to Dazai as he drops back onto the couch beside her. 

“That was gross, sorry…”

“Don’t worry about it. You should hear me in the spring.”

“You have allergies? I… ih’KSHH’iee-! I never noticed-”

“Bless you. You wouldn’t have. I take meds most of the time, or if it’s a really bad pollen day I tend to just avoid the office. Hah! It drives Kunikida insane.”

“Does it now?”

“He still doesn’t know why I don’t come in during the spring on seemingly random days! I make sure to pick a few days where pollen is low too so he can’t track the pattern. I also make up excuses that he can tell are lies, but can’t actively disprove!” 

There’s a deep seated glee in his voice as he describes all the details of how he torments Kunikida. Yosano can’t help smirking at the boyish nature of the teasing. It’s cut short by another coughing spell, ducking down into her lap. 

This time she feels two hands grazing her back. One is absentmindedly rubbing circles, the other is hesitant but gentle. A yawn escapes as it comes to an end, Ranpo looking up from the paper.

“I told you so! I said you should be resting!” 

“Yes you did. Right as always Ranpo. I guess… I should probably go home…” 

‘But… I don’t really want to… Home is empty. It always feels cold, even with the heat on. But here… with them… this feels warm…’ She doesn’t say any of this out loud, but there’s no need for that. They both know. While Dazai may not have Ranpo’s deduction skills, he sees more than most. 

Slowly they start to shift positions until her head is resting against Ranpo’s lap, her legs strewn over Dazai as he slides in next to Ranpo, echoing her earlier yawn. ‘That man is able to fall asleep anywhere. I’m quite jealous of that skill.’ Letting her tension start to fade away, Yosano feels a sigh escape. She melts into the warm embrace, drifting off to sleep. Dazai quickly follows suit, his head dropping onto Ranpo’s shoulder. 

~~~

About an hour later the door swings open once more, this time Kunikida stepping inside. At the sight of Yosano and Dazai sleeping, he opens his mouth to make a remark. Ranpo shuts him down with a single look, tilting his head to let his eyes show once more. He’s careful not to disturb them, quiet as he begins to speak. 

“Don’t wake them. They need this.” 

“But-” 

Kunikida cuts himself off, pushing up his glasses as he seems to sort through his ideals in his head. Ranpo patiently waits, letting his arm rest against Dazai’s shoulder as the younger man shifts. Eventually the peaceful look on their faces seems to sway Kunikida as he grabs a book and sinks down beside Dazai, beginning to read it. Yosano stirs, a few sleepy sneezes brushing from her lips. 

“hh’ishh-! kishhh-! heh’tieshh-!”

“Bless.” 

The blessing Kunikida offers is timid, volume matching that of the sneezes. A smirk crosses Ranpo’s face as he watches Kunikida attempt to keep his face neutral. Yosano mumbles a thanks before curling back into herself and drifting back off. 

~~~

By the time the president walks in, he finds all four of them asleep, a tangled mess of limbs and snores. They should be working, it’s nearly two on a Thursday, but he can’t bring himself to wake them. Content spreads through his heart, a smile breaking through to his face as he grabs a blanket from beside the couch and lays it over them. 

“Sleep well, children.”

[stormyoceans]

okay I woke up and chose violence today SO

TOP THREE VV EPS. IN ORDER. AND WHY.

...*squints for a long time*

FINE, TOP FIVE. BUT!!! THE OS2 EPS ARE INCLUDED.

[[mine would be:

5. ep 4 (the first serious kiss, the formation of friend credits, the communication of boundaries)

4. ep 10 (the emotional goodbyes! the nomnomnom! fuse's doggo! the pink!)

3. os2 ep 1 (the 30 day challenge! the cute soft domesticity of it all! the surprise bebé!)

2. ep 8 (the greyllery confession and kiss! the single tear! the cats!)

1. ep 11 (the angst! the yearning! one of the best reunion hugs to ever! the way I cry every damn time!)

...now you!]]

ANON I HOPE YOU KNOW I THREW UP ALL THE BLOOD IN MY BODY WHILE TRYING TO ANSWER THIS AND THAT A MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS INTERVENTION TEAM HAD TO KEEP ME SEDATED THE ENTIRE TIME BUT ANYWAY HERE’S WHAT I GOT

1. episode 11: real red. CHANGED ME MY LIFE MY OUTLOOK THE FOUNDATION OF MY PERSONHOOD THE CHEMICAL MAKE UP OF MY BRAIN AND MY ENTIRE BEING ON A MOLECULAR LEVEL. it also fundamentally changes the entire narrative of the show starting from episode 4 and it forces you to go back to rewatch everything that happened and look at it with a whole new understanding of the characters, especially puen. the first part of this episode alone is such a masterpiece in both writing and acting and should be shown in every single filmmaking class around the world as an example of incredible storytelling techniques. not to mention how the reunion in the glasshouse is the epitome of parallelism romanticism soulmatism the me before and after this scene are two completely different people.

2. episode 04: deep magenta. I CAN'T BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS EPISODE IM SORRY I SIMPLY CAN'T. every single scene just makes me mentally deranged in ways so profound they will only become apparent years down the line like shy!puen!!!!! the glasshouse!!!!! "so, will they fall in love?" "i guess they will"!!!!! puen comforting talay!!!!! THE WEDDING!!!!! the way they look at each other at that wedding!!!!! THE KISS!!!!! I KNOW I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BUT I LOVE THIS KISS SO MUCH!!!!!!! truly the way this was one of my least favorite episodes while the show was airing and now it's at the top of my list and i could literally spend the rest of my life writing essays about it is, quite frankly, fucking insane.

(LOOK AT ALL THE VERTICAL LINES SEPARATING THEM THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE UNTIL PUEN CLOSES THAT DISTANCE AND THE DOOR OF THE GREENHOUSE IS LEFT OPEN IN THE BACKGROUND TO SHOW THEIR HEARTS OPENING TO EACH OTHER THIS EPISODE MAKES ME WANT TO SEEK PSYCHIATRIC HELP)

3. episode 09: midnight black. no other episode makes me experience every single emotion present on the spectrum of human consciousness every time i rewatch it quite like this one does. the fight!!!!! talay being triggered by the water!!!!! the beach reconciliation!!!!! doctor jimmy displaying unprecedented unparalleled unmatched levels of derangement and improvisation by taking method acting to a whole new level and reinventing tenderness reverence adoration wonder LOVE with the look of his eyes alone!!!!!! THE BUCKET HAT REVEAL BEING THE MOST SCENE IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION!!!!!! no one has ever been this in love this connected this linked AND I FEEL SICK ABOUT IT

4. episode 03: soft blush. another episode i just cannot be normal about like drunk!puen!!!!! talay trying to cheer puen up and giving him advice on how to fix things with up and aou!!!!! the date-not-date!!!!! the pinky promise and the helmets at the end!!!!! NIVEA BATHTUB SCENE MY BELOVED!!!!!!! there are people who don’t need to be forcibly escorted into a padded room every time they hear puen say “if this can be used to wipe away dust, i should use it with your heart. i think your heart hasn’t been used in a long time” AND GOD I WISH THAT COULD BE ME. my own personal equivalent of the famous pride and prejudice hand flex scene: a moment so delicious i instantly knew i was fucked.

[PLEASE ENJOY THIS BRIEF INTERMISSION AS I GO THROUGH YET ANOTHER EXISTENTIAL CRISIS BECAUSE EXPECTING ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN EPISODE 6, 8, 10, 12 AND OUR SKYY 1 SHOULD BE ILLEGAL]

5. episode 12: crystal clear. okay i had to go to this one in the end because there's just something so deeply satisfying about this episode, about puen and talay finally getting to be puen and talay after such an insane journey. there's also just SO MUCH LOVE in it: the quiet domesticity at the beginning, the joy and playfulness every time they're together, the sacrifices they're willing to make for each other, the comfort the understanding the tenderness the contentment, "where there's you, there's happiness", "without work i can survive, without him i can't", "i don't want time to go by without you from now on"..... THEY PAINT EACH OTHER'S LIFE PINK FOREVER!!!!!!!! also i don't care what anyone says the lay's marriage proposal was PERFECT.

(NOW EXCUSE ME AS I GO DIE IN MY BACKYARD OR GET DRAGGED INTO A PADDED ROOM WHICHEVER HAPPENS FIRST)

[koscheicore]

Greetings,

*kicks down your door, pounces at you*

I am attacking you with asks! 😊 (hope you don't mind)

1, 3, 4, 11, 14

And 7 if you’re feeling brave…

Also, do you have any DW novels /audios you like and consider essential listening?

Have a good day/week

(love your art btw)

Farewell...

*disappears into the night*

GASP, my door!!! Well it's worth it. Thank you so much for the asks! And aaa ty for the compliment to my art too 😭💕 rlly appreciate it! *gives you a little origami star before you mysteriously disappear*

1. Who is your favourite Doctor?

Currently 12 is my favourite, but since I'm watching classic, 3 and 5 are big favs too. My answer on this question changes so much though I seem to cycle through them 🤣

3. Who is your favourite male companion?

Turlough so far!! He's really interesting and unique. Love this lil pathetic guy. Kisses his forehead.

4. Whats your favourite story?

UHHH so, so many. I'd probably give you different answers depending on where the wind blows. But I'll try. Can't pick one so here's a few! (if anyone else asks again I shall give different ones)

-Enlightenment, from the 5th Doctor. Absolutely adored this one!!

-I'll forever love Castrovalva, also from the 5th Doctor. It's probably not that good but I do love me some confusing places...

-Midnight from the 10th Doctor

-Wild Blue Yonder from the new specials :') YELLS

-Heaven Senth from 12 my beloved

-As an artist, well, Vincent and the Doctor, from the 11th Doctor. I just. Cries

11. Show a picture of your favourite Doctor outfit

Does this count

Otherwise

14. Show a picture of your favourite Tardis design

7. Rank the Doctors from best to worst

OK IM FEELING BRAVE I'll try... but I'm only ranking those I've watched. Not taking into acct the EU. Also not including 15 bcs it's too early for me to decide (but I love him so far!!)- I'm ranking them based off how interesting they are to me also.

1. Capaldi's Doctor (12)

2. Eccleston's Doctor (9)

3. McCoy's Doctor (7). Very interesting guy

4. Pertwee's Doctor (3)

5. Tennant's Doctor (10)

6. Whittaker's Doctor (13)

7. Davison's Doctor (5)

8. Smith's Doctor (11) - I do love him but I lost interest in him for unknown reasons

9. Colin Baker's Doctor (6) - I actually found him interesting when watching! But yeah since I'm not taking EU into acct, not the best for me

10. Tennant's Revamp Doctor (14) - Well, we've got three specials. I liked him, but idk I don't think I'd be excited to watch an entire season of 14. He's more like a cameo for me.

Ok this was hard af ejdkdld as usual my answer will probably change anyday. I don't think any of them is bad though, I love all of the Doctors so far! Hence why it's hard to pick favs without rambling about other Doctors djdkd

Extra: Novels and audios

I haven't read any novels (yet) but I've listened to a few audios! Not many, I'm slowly getting into it. HOWEVER

If you're into thoschei you definitely need to listen to Master. It's just. GAHH. It consumed my braincells. It will never leave me. Plus it made me want to listen to more from Beevers and McCoy. I consider it essential if you're deep into thoschei tbh

AND. The Natural History of Fear. I went blind into this audio, from the 8th Doctor... It's one of my favourite stories ever, which I didn't add up there to not repeat myself. It changed my brain chemistry. It made me wonder how tf is it humanly possible to come up with all that and write it so well. The acting is sublime, the story is undescribable. Anytime I try to explain what it is about I fail tremendously. I don't think I consider it essential but I really do recommend it! In fact I recommend to listen to it twice at least.

Again tysm for the ask this was fun!!!

[killerandhealerqueen]

Hi! Hadcanon that Wang Meng is a policeman, version three. After being injured during the raid, Wang Meng recalled his past life and was shocked that he was working in the anti-drug department. And then he laughed at the irony for a very long time when he found out that he was catching Jian Yuelou, a famous drug dealer. Wang Meng also has a cousin, Chen Yuzhi, with whom they grew up together and whom he adores and will kill anyone who dares to harm him. During a raid on a drug den, Wang Meng runs into Jian Yuelou. They exchange sarcasm and Yuelo manages to escape. Wang Meng is furious. Jian Yuelou meets Chen Yuzhi and immediately falls in love with the cheeky doctor. Yuelou doesn't know that he is Wang Meng's brother. After some time, Jian Yuelou sees how Yuzhi was abducted by his "brothers" and brought to their lair. The Doctor finds out that Yuelou works for the mafia and thinks that he was approached to take revenge on Wang Meng, and this offends Yuzhi very much. Jian Yuelou finds out that his beloved doctor is a relative of Wang Meng and realizes that a bloody hell will happen. He remembered the talk among the mafia about the policeman's brother, for whom Wang Meng would drown the city in blood. Yuelou tries to save Yuzhi, but the doctor does not believe him. At this time, Wang Meng raises everyone to save his brother. Jian Yuelou and Wang Meng unite for the sake of Yuzhi. They manage to save him. Wang Meng does not want Yuelou to be in his brother's sight, but decides to give Yuzhi a choice. And the choice is yours, to keep Jian Yuelou a member of the triad, or he will be an undercover policeman.

Oh, so Wang Meng and Jiang Yuelou swap places in this headcanon? Oh, how fun. (This is long, I got a little carried away, anyways, hope you like it!)

The last thing Wang Meng remembered before he closed his eyes was Chen Yuzhi’s teary eyes so imagine his surprise when he opened his eyes to find bright fluorescent lights shining back at him

‘What the hell?’

“Ah, Lieutenant Wang.  You’re awake”

Wang Meng then looked over to see a doctor smiling at him, causing him to frown

“Where am I?”

The doctor chuckled

“The hospital.  You took a bullet to the side and you’re lucky your officers got you here in time or else you wouldn’t have made it”

Wang Meng frowned; officers?  What the hell was he talking about?

He then looked around and noticed that the hospital room looked nothing like it did in his era, causing him to look back over at the doctor

“What…year is it?”

The doctor blinked before he laughed

“Goodness the anesthesia must be stronger than we thought.  It’s 2023”

Wang Meng blinked before he nodded slowly

“I see”

The doctor then smiled

“Let me get your paperwork and then you’ll be discharged”

Wang Meng nodded

“Thank you”

The doctor nodded and turned, heading out of the room as Wang Meng shook his head

He was in the future?  And…potentially a police officer?  What the hell

After he was discharged, Wang Meng exited the hospital, only to be greeted by Chen Yuzhi, causing his eyes to widen in surprise

“Dr. Chen”

Chen Yuzhi blinked before he laughed softly

“Why are you greeting me so formally?  We’re cousins, aren’t we?”

Wang Meng blinked (they were?) before he cleared his throat

“Sorry.  Force of habit”

Chen Yuzhi hummed

“How are you feeling?”

Wang Meng huffed

“Honestly?  Not too bad”

Especially considering not even a few hours ago, he was dying

Chen Yuzhi smiled

“Well, that’s good.  Where are you off to?”

Wang Meng hummed

“I’m going to head to the police station.  See if I can…catch up on some work”

‘And also get some information about what the hell is going on’

Chen Yuzhi nodded

“Alright.  Just take it easy.  I don’t want you to end up back in the hospital”

Wang Meng chuckled

“I’ll do my best”

He then watched Chen Yuzhi leave before he turned and headed in the direction of the police department, all of the officers looking at him in surprise

“Wang Meng!  What are you doing here?!”

Wang Meng hummed

“Here to do some paperwork”

One of the officers frowned

“Shouldn’t you be resting?”

Wang Meng shook his head

“I’ll get bored if I just lounge around the house”

All of the officers laughed

“That’s so like you, Meng-ge”

One of the officers then tilted his head

“Hey, you ever gonna finally catch Jiang Yuelou?”

Wang Meng’s eyes widened

“Jiang Yuelou?”

The officers nodded

“Yeah, you know, the largest drug dealer in Jing City?”

Wang Meng stared at them with wide eyes before he let out a loud bark of a laugh, causing all of the officers to look at him in confusion

“What’s so funny, Meng-ge?”

Wang Meng shook his head

“Nothing, nothing…probably the drugs still in my system”

The officers nodded as Wang Meng shook his head; what were the fucking odds that he was the cop in this universe and Jiang Yuelou was the drug dealer

‘Oh, the universe was a funny thing’

He then cleared his throat

“I probably will…when’s the next raid?”

The officers hummed

“I think the latest shipment comes in tomorrow…if you time it right, you can probably catch him then”

Wang Meng nodded

“Alright.  I’ll lead the raid”

The officers frowned

“But…you just got back”

Wang Meng huffed

“And we can’t let these drug dealers keep allowing their drugs to taint our city.  It doesn’t matter if I just got back, we need to take them down”

The officers smirked

“What a speech, Meng-ge.  Spoken like someone who truly hates opium”

Wang Meng huffed; these fools had no idea that in his past life he was the one dealing the drugs

He then hummed softly; what would Jiang Yuelou be like in this life?  He was rather curious to see him

The next day, Wang Meng and his officers (which was still weird for him) spent the entire day planning and staking out where the shipment was going to be placed and when Jiang Yuelou and the others would come and pick it up

And later that evening, when it was time, Wang Meng and the others quickly arrived at the drop site before they burst in, startling the drug dealers

“Police!  Nobody move”

Wang Meng then stepped forward, looking around before his eyes zeroed in on a familiar face

‘Jiang Yuelou’

In his opinion, Jiang Yuelou honestly didn’t look all that different from his time…except his eyes

His eyes looked colder

‘That’s what happens when you’re in the dark for too long’

He then smirked

“Gotcha this time, Jiang”

Jiang Yuelou smirked

“No…I don’t think you do”

Just then, one of his subordinates threw an axe and hit one of Wang Meng’s officers, causing Wang Meng’s eyes to widen before he fired his gun, the whole operation becoming a huge firefight

While the officers and the drug dealers were firing at each other, Jiang Yuelou began to slip away, but Wang Meng saw him and quickly ran after him

“Don’t think you’re getting away!”

Jiang Yuelou laughed

“You couldn’t catch me last time, what makes you think you can catch me this time?”

He then jumped out of the back window of the warehouse, causing Wang Meng’s eyes to widen

‘Son of a bitch is fast’

He then quickly ran after him and hopped out the window, letting out a growl when he realized how far Jiang Yuelou was ahead of him

‘Shit’

He then raised his gun and pointed it at Jiang Yuelou

‘Let’s hope I’m as good of a shot as I think I am’

He then fired a single shot, the gunshot echoing through the air, but seeing as Jiang Yuelou was still running, he must have not hit him

‘Damn it’

He then turned and headed back inside, hoping that maybe his officers were able to capture some of the dealers and get something out of them

Meanwhile, Jiang Yuelou continued to run away from the warehouse, clutching at his shoulder, which was on fire from the bullet that Wang Meng had shot at him

‘Damn cop’

As he ran, he suddenly stumbled and nearly faceplanted into the ground when someone suddenly caught him

“Are you okay?!”

Jiang Yuelou looked up to see a young man looking at him with beautiful concerned brown eyes and he huffed

“I’m fine”

The young man shook his head

“No you’re not, you’re hurt!”

Jiang Yuelou waved his hand

“I’ll be fine”

The young man tsked

“As a doctor, I can’t just let you continue like this.  Come with me”

Jiang Yuelou blinked in surprise as the young man dragged him over to a nearby building, dragging him inside before sitting him down

“How much of your clothes can you remove by yourself?”

Jiang Yuelou hummed

“Probably all of them?”

The young man nodded

“Well, go ahead and try while I get my supplies”

He then ran over to a wall full of drawers and began searching through them and while he was searching, Jiang Yuelou slowly and carefully removed his clothes, hissing every now and then because of where the bullet was in his shoulder

Once he had removed his jacket, vest, and dress shirt, he hissed again, just as the young doctor rushed back over to him

“I’ll try and make this as painless as possible, okay?”

Jiang Yuelou looked at him and smirked

“I can handle pain”

The doctor huffed

“We’ll see”

He then placed his things down before he picked up a towel soaked with water and wrung it out, making sure it was damp before he began to clean Jiang Yuelou’s back and around the wound, frowning

“How did you get this?”

Jiang Yuelou chuckled weakly

“It’s better to not ask questions you don’t want the answers to”

The doctor looked at him before he sighed softly and continued cleaning

Once the area was clean, he opened up his suture kit and pulled out a scalpel

“I’m going to make a slight incision, just so that I can get the bullet out.  Okay?”

Jiang Yuelou nodded

“Do what you need to do”

The doctor nodded and quickly made a precise slice, Jiang Yuelou clenching his teeth as the knife sliced his skin, before he put down the scalpel and picked up his forceps, using them to carefully remove the bullet and place it down on the side

Once the bullet was removed, he picked up his needle and thread and carefully sewed the wound shut, making sure the skin was flesh against each other but not bunching or overlapping

After everything was done, he quickly covered and bandaged the wound before he took a step back

“There.  All done”

Jiang Yuelou blinked, surprised at how quickly everything was done, before he looked over at the doctor and smiled

“Thank you”

The doctor nodded

“You’re welcome”

He then walked over and opened up his kit, pulled out a bottle before he shook out two pills and handed it to him

“Here.  This should help with the pain”

Jiang Yuelou smiled and took the pills, popping them into his mouth before he looked at the doctor

“Not bad”

The doctor smiled slightly

“Thank you”

Jiang Yuelou then motioned to his clothes

“Mind helping me back into this?”

The doctor’s eyes widened and he nodded, first grabbing Jiang Yuelou’s dress shirt before he helped him into it, Jiang Yuelou smiling as he took the fabric from him and began to button it close

“You know, doc…you have really pretty eyes”

The doctor looked at him with wide eyes before he blushed and looked away

“O-Oh.  Um…thank you”

Jiang Yuelou smirked before he reached out to grab his vest when the doctor quickly picked it up

“I’ve got it”

He then carefully helped Jiang Yuelou into it, Jiang Yuelou also buttoning it close as the doctor reached out and grabbed his jacket, handing it to him

“Here you are”

Jiang Yuelou smiled and took it before he stood to his feet and looked him in the eyes

“Thank you”

The doctor smiled and nodded as Jiang Yuelou turned and headed out of the building, making it about halfway down the street before he paused and turned back to look at the clinic

‘I never got his name’

He then smirked to himself; well, that gave him an excuse to come back

The next day, Jiang Yuelou returned to the clinic and cleared his throat, making the doctor look up at him in surprise

“Oh, hello!  How’s your shoulder?”

Jiang Yuelou hummed

“Well, you know…still on fire but…better”

The doctor hummed before he motioned to the chair in front of his desk

“Why don’t you have a seat and I’ll change your bandages?”

Jiang Yuelou smiled and nodded, walking over to the chair before he sat down and removed his jacket and dress shirt, smirking up at the doctor

“Figured I’d wear less to make this easier on you”

The doctor chuckled

“Well, thank you”

He then walked over to him and carefully removed the bandages, humming softly before he reached out and grabbed a bottle from his kit, carefully pouring some powder onto the wound, making Jiang Yuelou hiss

“Sorry.  I know it’s still tender”

Jiang Yuelou shook his head

“Don’t apologize”

The doctor then carefully pressed the powder into the wound before he covered the wound again and carefully smoothed the bandages down with a gentle, but warm, hand

“There”

He then reached out and carefully draped Jiang Yuelou’s dress shirt over Jiang Yuelou’s shoulders, Jiang Yuelou slipping his arms into the sleeves before he began to button up the shirt

“You know…I never got your name, doc”

The doctor blinked before he smiled

“Chen Yuzhi.  My name’s Chen Yuzhi”

Jiang Yuelou hummed

“Chen Yuzhi.  I like it”

Chen Yuzhi blushed before he tilted his head

“And you?”

Jiang Yuelou paused before he turned and looked at him; he didn’t seem to know who he was, so it wouldn’t hurt to tell him his real name

“Jiang Yuelou”

Chen Yuzhi smiled

“Nice to meet you”

Jiang Yuelou chuckled

“Likewise”

He then reached out and grabbed his jacket, slipping it on as he smiled at Chen Yuzhi

“See you doc”

He then headed over to the entrance of the clinic when he paused and looked back at Chen Yuzhi, smiling slightly

“Hey, doc”

Chen Yuzhi looked at him with wide eyes as he smiled

“Can I come and see you…even after my wound heals?”

Chen Yuzhi’s eyes widened before he blushed

“Um…I…I don’t see why not”

Jiang Yuelou grinned

“Great.  Then I’ll see you, Yuzhi”

He then turned and headed out of the clinic, Chen Yuzhi staring after him with a bright blush on his cheeks

This was the first time he ever had a patient make him feel like this before…oh lord

He then cleared his throat and shook his head before he began to clean up his mess, just finishing up as Wang Meng stepped into the clinic

“Yuzhi”

Chen Yuzhi looked over at him and smiled

“Wang Meng.  What can I do for you?”

Wang Meng shook his head

“Nothing.  Just out of curiosity, did someone with a gunshot come by here recently?”

Chen Yuzhi paused and thought about Jiang Yuelou for a moment before he shook his head

“I don’t treat those types of patients, Wang Meng.  Those types of wounds should be treated at a hospital, not a clinic”

Wang Meng nodded

“No, I know, but…I just thought I would ask”

Chen Yuzhi hummed

“Speaking of gunshot wound, how’s yours?”

Wang Meng nodded

“It’s alright…itchy as hell though”

Chen Yuzhi laughed

“That means it’s healing”

Wang Meng hummed

“I guess”

He then tilted his head

“You’re okay though?”

Chen Yuzhi frowned

“What?  Yes, I’m okay”

Wang Meng nodded

“Okay.  Just making sure.  There are some bad people out there and I just want you getting caught up with them or having them hurt you”

Chen Yuzhi rolled his eyes

“I can take care of myself, Wang Meng”

Wang Meng chuckled and patted him on the shoulder

“I know.  Can’t help it”

Chen Yuzhi rolled his eyes again

“Are you my cousin or older brother?”

Wang Meng smirked

“Both.  Now take care of yourself”

He then turned and headed out of the clinic, Chen Yuzhi shaking his head as he watched him leave

Over the next few days, Jiang Yuelou visited Chen Yuzhi, both to get his shoulder checked and to just…visit with the doctor, who he really liked

Chen Yuzhi, to him, was like a breath of fresh air and he really liked being around him (and he was pretty sure Chen Yuzhi liked him back, considering that he blushed anytime he complimented him or flirted with him)

Of course, he had no idea that Chen Yuzhi was Wang Meng’s cousin, but apparently his subordinates did because when he stepped into the headquarters one day, he was surprised to find Chen Yuzhi on his knees, his hands tied behind his back, a large bruise on the side of his mouth

At the sight of the injured doctor, he froze before he looked over at his subordinates

“What the hell is this?”

His subordinates looked at him before they motioned to Chen Yuzhi

“Boss, don’t you know?  This is Lieutenant Wang’s cousin.  We kidnapped him to hopefully lead Lieutenant Wang here and kill him”

Jiang Yuelou’s eyes widened as he looked at Chen Yuzhi, who was looking back at him with wide eyes, before he hummed and walked over to Chen Yuzhi and grabbed him by the arm, “yanking” him to his feet

“I’ll take care of him”

His subordinates nodded as he dragged Chen Yuzhi away, dragging him to an empty room before he shoved him inside and shut the door behind them, turning to look at him

“You’re the cousin of a cop?”

Chen Yuzhi huffed

“And you’re mafia?”

He then frowned

“Did you approach me and get close to me so that you could hurt Wang Meng?”

Jiang Yuelou shook his head

“Trust me, I had no idea you and he were related”

Chen Yuzhi scoffed and rolled his eyes, causing Jiang Yuelou to sigh before he took a step towards him

“Turn around.  I’ll untie you”

Chen Yuzhi looked at him hesitantly before he turned around, Jiang Yuelou reaching out and untying the ropes from around his wrists

“There”

Chen Yuzhi then turned around before he glared at Jiang Yuelou

“You’re triad?”

Jiang Yuelou winced

“Yes”

Chen Yuzhi shook his head

“And…you never thought to tell me?!”

Jiang Yuelou sighed

“Would you have kept seeing me if I told you?”

Chen Yuzhi’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth before he closed it and hummed as Jiang Yuelou nodded

“That’s what I thought”

He then looked at him

“I won’t let anything happen to you or to Wang Meng, okay?”

Chen Yuzhi frowned

“How do I know you mean that and that you’re not just saying that?”

Jiang Yuelou smirked

“You’re just going to have to trust me”

Chen Yuzhi made a face, causing Jiang Yuelou to sigh before he reached out and gently cupped his face in his hands

“Hey.  Look at me”

Chen Yuzhi looked at him, his eyes as big and beautiful as the day Jiang Yuelou first saw them, and he smiled softly as he stroked his cheek

“I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you or Wang Meng.  I promise”

Chen Yuzhi continued to look at him before he nodded, Jiang Yuelou’s smile growing slightly

He then pulled away and motioned to a nearby chair

“Sit here”

Chen Yuzhi nodded and walked over to the chair, sitting down as Jiang Yuelou walked behind him and tied his wrists together, causing Chen Yuzhi’s eyes to widen in shock

“Jiang Yuelou—”

“Shh, shh.  I have to do this or else they’ll think something’s wrong.  You have to trust me, Yuzhi”

Chen Yuzhi was quiet before he sighed

“What are you planning on doing?”

Jiang Yuelou looked at him

“I’m going to get Wang Meng”

Chen Yuzhi’s eyes widened

“You…you’re going to bring him here?!  Like a lamb to the slaughter?!”

Jiang Yuelou shook his head

“No, I’m going to let him know what happened.  Whatever he does is up to him”

Chen Yuzhi was quiet before he sighed again

“Just…please be careful”

Jiang Yuelou smirked

“Don’t worry, doc”

He then turned and headed out of the room, Chen Yuzhi watching him leave before he sighed

Was he making a mistake?  Putting all of his trust into a triad member?

As Jiang Yuelou left the room, he turned towards his subordinates

“If any of you go in that room, I will kill you.  Not Lieutenant Wang, but me.  Understand?”

His subordinates looked at each other in surprise before they nodded, Jiang Yuelou nodding in reply before he turned and continued out of his headquarters over to a nearby phonebooth, dialing a number

“Jing City Police Department”

“Connect me to Lieutenant Wang”

Jiang Yuelou then waited as the phone rang before the line suddenly picked up

“Wang”

“Lieutenant Wang.  It’s Jiang Yuelou”

“Son of a bitch!  What do you want?”

“Your beloved cousin has been kidnapped”

“What?!”

“You heard me.  He’s been kidnapped”

“Why are you letting me know?”

“He was kidnapped as a way to lure you to my headquarters and kill you.  I promised Chen Yuzhi that I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, but it’s up to you if you come and get him or not.  Just be careful.  My men are waiting and they’re armed”

“And what about you?”

Jiang Yuelou smirked

“Don’t worry about me.  Just come save your cousin”

He then hung up the phone before he turned and headed inside; the ball was in Wang Meng’s court now

Back at the police station, Wang Meng stared at his phone in disbelief before he slammed the receiver back into the cradle and shot to his feet, running out of his office

He then quickly gathered his subordinates and some extra officers before they headed out of the department and into their cars, driving to Jiang Yuelou’s headquarters (as it was the old Jinma Hall building and Wang Meng knew it well)

They then headed inside and started opening fire on the drug dealers, the drug dealers returning fire as well, neither side realizing that any time someone got a little too close to Wang Meng, they were suddenly taken out by Jiang Yuelou, who was hiding in the shadows and watching

Once all of the drug dealers were taken out (that Wang Meng could see), he rushed off in search of Chen Yuzhi, searching every room until he found him tied to the chair

“Yuzhi!”

Chen Yuzhi looked at him in surprise

“Wang Meng!”

Wang Meng then ran over to him and quickly untied him, helping him to his feet

“Are you okay?”

Chen Yuzhi nodded

“I’m fine”

Wang Meng then noticed his bruised mouth, causing him to growl

“Who did that?”

Chen Yuzhi shook his head

“I don’t know”

Wang Meng growled

“I bet it was Jiang Yuelou”

Chen Yuzhi shook his head again

“He wouldn’t”

Wang Meng raised an eyebrow

“How do you know that?”

Chen Yuzhi looked at him

“I just do”

Wang Meng huffed before he took him by the arm

“Come on, let’s get out of here”

Chen Yuzhi nodded and they quickly left the room, running through the headquarters when they were suddenly stopped by a triad member, who was pointing a gun at them

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Wang Meng growled and raised his gun, pointing it back at him

“We’re leaving.  So move aside before I shoot you”

The triad member growled

“You killed my brothers.  So I’ll kill yours instead!”

He then pointed his gun at Chen Yuzhi and fired, Chen Yuzhi’s eyes widening when Jiang Yuelou suddenly appeared in front of him, taking the bullet for him

“Jiang Yuelou!”

“BOSS!”

Jiang Yuelou hissed and clutched at his abdomen, covering his wound with his hand, as he raised his gun and pointed it at the triad member before him

“No hard feelings”

He then pulled the trigger and watched as his former subordinate fell to the ground, a bullet between his eyes, before he collapsed to the ground, hissing and clutching at his abdomen

“Jiang Yuelou!”

Chen Yuzhi rushed over and knelt beside him, quickly pulling him into his arms as he looked him over with fear in his eyes

“Jiang Yuelou.  Jiang Yuelou!”

Jiang Yuelou smiled weakly as he looked up at him

“See?  I told you I wouldn’t let anything happen to you”

Chen Yuzhi shook his head, tears beginning to pool in his eyes

“At the risk of your own LIFE!”

Just then, Wang Meng walked over to them and knelt down

“We need to get you to a hospital”

Jiang Yuelou glanced at him before he winced

“Yeah…I’d like to not die”

Wang Meng rolled his eyes before he and Chen Yuzhi carefully helped Jiang Yuelou to his feet, both men helping him out of the headquarters and down to the cars outside

They then headed to the hospital, Jiang Yuelou heading into surgery while Wang Meng and Chen Yuzhi waited outside, Chen Yuzhi pacing anxiously

“He’s going to be fine, Yuzhi…”

Chen Yuzhi shook his head

“But what if he’s not?!  What if he’s not, what if he—”

“Yuzhi.  I know Jiang Yuelou.  Son of a bitch can’t die, not even if the heavens call him home.  He’s going to be fine”

Chen Yuzhi looked over at him before he let out a shuddering breath

“Let’s hope so”

Both men waited for hours outside the operating room until a doctor came out and looked at them

“He’s going to be fine.  We’re getting him set up in a room and then you can see him”

Wang Meng and Chen Yuzhi nodded, Chen Yuzhi letting out a sob as soon as the doctor walked away, causing Wang Meng to look over at him with a small frown

‘He really cares for Jiang Yuelou, doesn’t he?  Not surprised; he cared for the man in our past life too’

When it was time to visit Jiang Yuelou, Wang Meng let Chen Yuzhi go in first and watched from the doorway as his cousin sat beside at Jiang Yuelou’s bedside and took the triad leader’s hand, gently rubbing the back of it with his thumb

They stayed with him until the anesthesia wore off and he began to stir, causing Chen Yuzhi’s eyes to widen before he stood to his feet and looked over at Wang Meng

“I’ll go get the doctor”

Wang Meng nodded and waited until he left before he walked over and sat down in the empty, looking at Jiang Yuelou, who blinked a few times before he looked over at him

“You’re not exactly who was I expecting to see when I first woke up”

Wang Meng smirked

“Yuzhi went to get the doctor”

He then frowned

“I don’t want you around him anymore”

Jiang Yuelou huffed

“Do you really think you can stop me from seeing him?  Or him from seeing me?  Just because you’re his cousin doesn’t mean you can control his life”

Wang Meng growled

“Yuzhi almost got killed because of you!”

“No, he almost got killed because of you!  He was bait for you!”

Wang Meng growled, just as Chen Yuzhi came back with the doctor

“Ah, Mr. Jiang.  How are you feeling?”

Jiang Yuelou hummed

“Like I got shot”

The doctor chuckled as Wang Meng stood his feet

“We’ll leave you to it doctor.  Come Yuzhi”

Chen Yuzhi frowned but followed him out of the hospital room, tilting his head at him once they were outside

“What is it?”

“Do you really like Jiang Yuelou?”

Chen Yuzhi blinked in surprise before he huffed

“So what if I do?”

Wang Meng shook his head

“I don’t want you around him”

Chen Yuzhi’s eyes widened

“Why not?!  Just because he’s a triad leader?”

Wang Meng nodded

“Exactly”

Chen Yuzhi huffed

“But he wouldn’t hurt me!  Just because he’s a triad leader doesn’t mean he’s a bad person!”

Wang Meng growled

“Yuzhi, he sells opium!”

“He can stop!”

Wang Meng crossed his arms

“And you think you can get him to stop?”

Chen Yuzhi nodded

“Yes, I think I can”

Wang Meng shook his head

“People can’t change, Yuzhi”

Chen Yuzhi glared at him

“You don’t know that.  You don’t know what people are capable of”

He then turned and headed back inside the hospital room while Wang Meng stayed outside, lost in thought

Why did he say people can’t change?  He changed…in his old life, he changed.  He might have died known as a drug dealer but…he definitely changed.  He knew he had changed…

‘Fuck…guess I’m bit of a hypocrite’

He then took a deep breath before he walked over to the door and looked inside to see Chen Yuzhi sitting by Jiang Yuelou’s bedside, Jiang Yuelou wiping the tears away that were streaming down Chen Yuzhi’s cheeks with the gentlest touch, a look of absolute fondness and tenderness on his face

And his eyes

His eyes were no longer cold but full of warmth and love…and Chen Yuzhi had put it there

Wang Meng watched the two for a moment, watching as Chen Yuzhi leaned forward and rested his forehead against Jiang Yuelou’s, both of their eyes slipping close, and sighed softly

Who was he kidding?  While he didn’t like Jiang Yuelou, he wasn’t going to tear him away from Chen Yuzhi or stop him from seeing him; that would just be too cruel, especially considering that Jiang Yuelou almost gave his life to protect him

He then smiled softly to himself as he stepped away from the door and decided to lean up against the room, acting as a bodyguard

‘Looks like you get your man in this life too, Jiang Yuelou’

[fruitanddarkness]

(From @deathly-toxins)

"OI! ENMU!" Oh dear, looks like Gyutaro had been giving the dream-bound doctor the side eye.

"I don't know what your whole shtick is, but I'm gonna be keeping my eye on you. Got that, punk?" He loomed over Lower Moon One.

"You do ANYTHING to hurt my sister or Oto-san.. and you'll be answering to me. You got that? And just because Oto-san likes you, does not mean you get a pass with me." He put two fingers to his eyes, then turned to point them at Enmu.

"Watch your back."

"...."

■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■

That threat had come in the middle of painted nails pressing down a pale shimmering powder into a compact. A request from the Upper Moon Two to make his beloved Princess happy with a new foundation for her work. Adding a fine shimmer to her skin as the lights of Yoshiwari illuminated her beneath the night. Such a unique product had caused customers to flock to Oiran Warabihime at twice, no, three times the rate that she had been seen before..! The lacquered compact was gently placed onto a table, as teal engraved eyes met the sickly yellow hues of the Prince who called this Temple his home...

"Why, Lord Gyutaro... I'm flattered you think so much of me~ You truly know how to warm this heart of mine with your promises."

Thinking of a lower-rank demon as so much of a threat that he needed to be warned about his position..

Enmu knew it. Gyutaro knew it. Daki knew it... Douma knew it. It was no secret that the Lower Moon could easily be cut down and devoured in the blink of an eye at the will of any member of this exquisite family. Although, his body would likely do minimal to contribute to their power... tainted drops of crimson in a sea of blood did nothing to entice waves to crash upon its surface. Oh well... if his fate was to be ended by his own kind, by the hands of those affiliated with one he adored, then it was a fortunate way to end... even if he would lament the time lost spent with the one who held his heart captive in a frozen dream.

■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■

"Fufu... I must say, I truly do admire the love you possess for your family. Protecting comes as naturally to you as collecting your rightful dues from this wretched world. Your radiant sister, your other-worldly 'Oto-san'... and you, with your utterly domineering spirit, what an exquisite royal family."

...Truly, these children were the Crown Jewels of Douma's work. So well cared for, reared with a purpose to grow strong, and given every little thing their hearts desired. How could he not adore them? Anything the Divine Demon held dear, Enmu would hold dear as well.

"Something so precious, of course, you'd be protective.. I would expect nothing less, you and your sister are your own entities. Earning your trust alone will be a trial in itself no matter how much time I am given. I may die long before that comes to pass. "

A black compact clicked as it was shut and placed upon a makeshift workbench. The Dreamweaver rose from his chair and, with a bow, paid his respect to Gyutaro. Only smiling back up at him with as genuine of intent as the strange demon could convey.

"I would sooner end my life than allow myself to harm any one of you. I pray that you at the very least know this;..that said, should you need anything.. my services are at your beck and call."

[renatedagmarmilada]

JUNE POEMS

Thirty days to go

 On my first birthday in forty-six

Our wagons arrived in East Germany

My travelling had begun

 Walked across Germany in the snow

At nearly eight, my beloved nuns

Sent me off to a refugee camp in England

 With my adored ex husband

my kids and I followed him across the world

To the land of the long white cloud, twice..

 He couldn't settle, we did, but returned

Since, the lab St Barths separated us

a game they play on normal mortals and royals

 I have fled to many countries

but can never ask for asylum

Mum of ninety and sons still in England

 All of whom they use cruelly by a rotten lab

paid for by american military. The way round?

I work in China which asks no questions except skills!

 The baby refugee from communist dictatorship

returns on request, however

The Chinese allow the british full use of me, remote

 But still not as bad as old blighty

thirty days and time to return back.

What this time is beginning to plague my mind

 Last September they stole my luggage

from Manchester airport

Lab Pakistani paid a pakistani air worker

 He tells me constantly how he uses my stuff

my painter's brushes for his son

his wife, my silk shirts and so on, over the air

 Let Emirates pay

Last January they induced four strokes on my mum

so return I had to with all haste

 Anyone who is poor now flies Emirates

what ever the losses incurred and the lab would use anyone

(we won't mention the Gulf airline they crashed for research)

They do present the best value for money if one works

 El Al faces Emirates at Beijing International Airport.

The London lab is run by jewish doctors here and in the States

We saved jews and mother thought we might be part

 'In our part of Hungary everyone is in part'

(in the event, we are not, Hitler checked!)

I wore my long brown corduroy maxi skirt to the ankles

and bright red, long scarf wrapped around my larynxes

 Not because I am Muslim, I just prefer long skirts, honest

Reared by nuns, stop prying eyes in class as teaching on display,

they are always practical and cover every emergency-

 Explanation? For instance, visiting a beautiful plum tree hill

Lots of other chinese visited too, that and every Shandong spring

an open loo..a sort of long, dug pit, all part of adventure you see!

 Chinese ladies had to drop their trousers to expose all to all

I daintily lifted my long skirts behind

leaving nothing to be viewed! Perfect attire for every situation.

(especially for one who never knows what tomorrow might bring)

 Two or three African and Arab business men with me joked

I asked, why do you have flowers in that coat?..Emirates-

We poor need flowers to cheer us too, a soft carpet, just like you.

 The El Al line was growing watched us under their eyelids half closed

I watched, merely curious, what are these new Israelis like?

In the past I'd even gone to British Synagogues

 Though now I urge Palestinians hang on what ever you do

or you'll lose your land for ever as did we

to wander like lost clouds for ever across the world

 Then the business of departure began

weighed in satisfactory, papered and sorted, all sported

wandered through in my usual dreamy, reveree deep in thought

 Turning the corner a lady with straggly, long red hair and jeans

a fortyish lived in face wearing workers lived in clothes

waiting at the turn, turned at me and snarled

 F***  you and what about Sadaam Hussein.........

Eh? too shocked to speak I stared gobstruck.

What in heavens name has Sadaam Hussein to do with me

 It is with sadness that I have decided, actually quite long ago

..all middle easterners are slightly mad, some more, some less

They can't help it, bringing upon themselves their own disasters

 Then methought of this morning's intonation

Microsound from the lab which has raised to heights many Pakistanis

and others too, not decent Muslims either I might add

 here I quote: 'when the time comes they will all flee our land

then english-men will again take over these posts

we have given to them...' for doing our dirty work...

 My advice, never, never put women in charge

who have got to the top by flashing their *rse

to  Ministers and Civil Servants

 There is something wrong

with the thinking process

of such women..

 Hang on, why are they going to flee?

....like me?

  FROM MAPO TO SHUNYI

 From my College where I teach,  situated at Mapo

to Shunyi City, I like to walk on foot

 passing through beautiful green fields, margined by straight rows  

tall trees, boating lakes and pagodas on the way.

 pressing with laser or probes as it is called

becomes deadly when over used, painful beyond belief

 destroys all nerves in that area, muscle tension too

causing pain and pain night and day barely bearable to live

 the heart? You will need another heart in time

the feet, there is no operation which can mend this tissue

 They've hammered my feet for three years now

that means most of the night and someday time too.

 When I fled to Toronto Canada, not once but twice

lived in Sherbourne for a while

(arm and foot broken be them then)

 I'd walk to the Ukrainian Church

in the ice and snow just three years ago

 felt not a twinge, walking was normal then

but then in February they began to hammer my heart

 That is done on the machine remote

it hammers at a fantastic rate till they put a stop

 Can't ask for asylum cause mum and sons are back there

there was no answer but to return

 the order was any strength she has turn against her

walking quietly was one, maim those feet right away

 That's when the tissue destruction began

though the reason for the flight to Canada

 was that the lab began remote torture in England then

November of two thousand and two it was to be exact

 They upped it and upped it and then gave us to the Muslims for play

after all the students and all the mental nurses had used us for pay

(the lab paid them)

 They hoped for mental damage but instead it was physical

young son whose life they destroyed, now crippled in totality

 his only crime, the violin he played

my art was different they can copy mine

 writing and painting, it is now all theirs

destroying over writing on sites and stealing the evidence

 ...They even tell me how they praise their thieves

Use our victims work it is unusual, not one word must remain..

 'we wanted to make you appear rather stupid

that is what our file about you said..'

 we've made these advances and have no one to practice on

their family are vulnerable, talented for us to rob and alone

 ideal for us to destroy and play as not even animals

the americans told us if they did to monkeys what is done to us

 tagged us all after destroying the family then in eighty four

tell all users we are volunteers and please use till death

 In the East these things used for torture implements

in our democratic West, all under a medical certificate

 as the whole british government comes into the lab

to watch these sadists at their play and thieving thefts

 setting up all her friends on my work. I can't help wondering

what is in their head as they speak to their children’s teachers.

 as you people out there read my work over and over again

and designers and painters use my stuff, all in their own names

 all of them a heavy sentence would sit out

they took off my monthlies and add new horrors with each day

 at the moment its itching and scratching from the Pakistanis there

My friend Nasreen had lice and it is common in their place

 Each puts on the machine their own problems

as we have none to extreme in the hope of killing us off

 but these are on a machine long distance, no medicines will help

change metabolic rate, take out hair,  on it goes, an endless stream

 try to teach and work, a useful job as my intestines they press

fighting their crippling play, with ultimate power in their court...

 Trying out any sadism on us for life is their game

with which they hope to beat America in this race!

 WOT BOTHER?

 Here in China they say it is a fact

there will be thirty nine million more men

than women in a few years

and nineteen percent more men

are born each year here they fear!

 Men sit alone together for company

unable to find a wife or solace

 Now I know for a fact

that just over the border

twenty million more women than men at least

in Russia live languishing

sighing for a man, any man

 They get around it in this way

Marry anyone from anywhere

even if it only lasts for a short time

no racism there but still not enough men

 In the West our men have all gone homosexual

ok fellas, my best friends are gay, no problem

the girls all long for marriage in these single days

which doesn't come their way

with nations of men who don't get attached in any way

only physical needs are met now adays

 When I was a kid in our refugee camps

as time went by and the wall went up

we knew there would nor could be any return

better forget your families back over there

our men advertised for women anywhere

many barely able to write

living at the bottom end of life

with all the excitement

getting to know each other's ways

my parents too...

 so for instance my best friend

half polish half italian born in Wales

mixtures of every type and kind flourished

life has to go on and love is important

companionship a need of mankind

Remember the mongrel is the toughest breed

what ever crap Hitler had said and bred

(he got that out of a magazine and from jewish philosophers)

 point being

chinese boys .. get on the internet

put ads in the papers everywhere

there are girls all over the place

north, south, east and west

just waiting for a loyal mate

go for it, give it a try as do your girls

who knows what will end on your plate

 I myself have taught in families

with Chinese husband, wife a Brit

got on really well

very happy families indeed

with their lovely children to complete

at base we all want the same

you can believe me about that!

 CALL IT NEGLIGENCE

  A warning before

gross conduct time and again

it would have been a prison sentence this time

for a whole list of unsavoury people calling themselves professionals

 We used the States

the States messed up

their students used the victim's beamed lives, as thesis copied

friends of the lab, two jewesses copied the victims work

as she sat painting impressions on Thursday nights

after attendance to Leeds Reform Synagogue

and sold it as their own,

London killed off her art college lecturer with over use

 The States has to get us out of this mess

international beaming of people in their private beds

the lab bossess' special interest in organs on film

rattling round the world from military to palaces

 For our loyalty

For the lives of the jews and slavs we helped

For the country we and our people helped to rebuild

 You and your family will be targeted for all and anything

'all freedoms were taken' now they laugh

sadistic, brutal, cruel, spiteful and nasty

by a jewish doctor who has too many sadistic genes and his wife

by a jewish doctor who has had too many women and lies like a fly

by a staff so corrupt they defy description

and the counterpart in the States not much better they say?

 we are blocking your immune system from now

(Annie allows the Muslim any brutality')

we use you for such filth

we darn't admit it

we give you every illness we can put on the machine

we would hang even in the most lenient country

 We used you as practice for separating the Prince and Princess

We used you for all those things that went with it

We used you for things which are pure torture

We still use you to this day and night for torture even there in China

We all of us use your favourites everywhere

 permission of the leaders

giving away their peoples

whether democracies or dictatorships

we kill high and low equally

we of research are now dictators of the world

with total ultimate power of life, death and sadism

 ''you have to valid date all this crime''

the distasteful Paki lab crew tell all the lab new comers

Britain has messed up, has taken a new corner

 The government backs its Muslim population

Giving us to them for them to vent their terror on

Their numbers frighten this once great nation

Mustafa lab child rapist, "You are now on the net"

and now the TV puts the child prostitutes of India on

Each horror they create they cover with media programmes

Just like Hitler, it is for the good of the people

Mustafa took my work off my sites, with all the others

(I would die of shame)

 CCTV 9 said tonight at 8.30 p.m.

Your last work was used

selected parts were used...

this one by Ernestine,

Annie lab bossess's friend

whilst you are far away

'She won't come back'

they are told

well not for a month or two anyway..

 'our idiots are being printed

nothing you have done will remain

all the Beta poems have been changed in your name

Some changes have even occurred on this site

and you know how.'

 and at three thirty in the night

microsound came through

we will not return anything

You will not compromise us

We will destroy you at every turn

as we have done this last twenty years

 The point?

our democratic government allowed

and still allows this to happen daily to us

and all the so called study to continue

just as they allowed the murders of their unwanted high

by remote

Banks, Cook, Maxwell and others I don't need to mention.

They say it was the old boys network of the Ministries

 ''we told you ten years ago and more who would die.''

 Yesterday morning came the warning

Be aware of what you will get when you return home..

joke or what..

The muslims are bombing the place to bits

which we had rebuilt for the Brits

and the government protects them...?

 ALL OVER THE WORLD NOW

 ''we can abuse you in any way we want

it says on this paper ...you didn't sign

from London Research

They put over my C.D. just now

That is

one of the tapes and C.D's

they haven't destroyed

 Music is also forbidden

to the prisoners of Human Research

The only ' get out' from the none stop prison

over years and years

They overplay, everywhere.

 So why isn't the Hague or Brussels

saying a word

and they are europeans

they do know our background

refugee past years

('with her past

it doesn't matter

if she suffers the rest of her life'

was one of the lab's comments.)

 and the Prince is not to talk

of the dirty film the lab made

with Lindsey their starlet

using my head to hex us

I prefer not to stoop as low as they

as they kill off all the Labour party

and anyone they don't want..

 over HBO today

ninth of June at nine thirty a.m

over the film of 'I'm dancing inside'

because they tried to make you retarded

to have an excuse for destroying you

and your children and your family..

films also not allowed note

they block as they please and overspeak

''we're going to make a commercial of this

We are going to trace it..''

HBO ''they plager you all the time''

 She that is me to you, is on our machine

illegally against the law

so she belongs to the nation

so all she does belongs to the nation

so all the bossess's friends can make good

 "I intend to rob all your paintings from your house

and leave only the very worst

All your stories have nearly gone

and none of your poetry will be replaced

which we have changed on Beta Poets

and wiped off  your folders.."

three thirty am this morning

They usually put threats over in the night

even here in China.

 (the lab uses its own form of crimes

creating crime waves at will

no social experiments are not permitted

what the hell has that to do with them

The lab is a law onto itself, regardless

with the Lords permission)

 That must have been some sadistic jew

who sent this program from L.A.

I try to refrain from personal comment

but I wish your cousins had been taken

the ones we fed and kept alive in Bratislava

the ones for whom we lost everything back then

 Where ever I go

the corrupt lab sends a report to make out

that I am a patient so my freedom is taken

then they mess about in that country

and England again rules through regular lies

 ''we're all over the world'' HBO

to destroy artists

to destroy the writer

to destroy the family

to destroy the vulnerable

to destroy the lone woman and children they separate

to destroy all that is decent in mankind

 The British manipulate and corrupt everything always

says the report from Erfurt

What they did during my time at Leipzig University

as a student, is a book in itself

and that is besides the bank robberies of my account

at the Deutsche Bank

(that's sport?

she starved here as a baby in forty six

now starve her again at fifty)

 'You are one of the children

of one of our clever men and ancient families'

a socialist from a socialist city

 you of little pity...

''we were trying to make good''

by using lies for the other side.

all HOB overspeaks

not the phone this time

nor the computer

nor any of the other machinery

the lab's super powerful machinery

overrides as they wish with their corruption...

.

the father, whom you yourself, East Germany

destroyed at the lies of a

Polish Jew passing through!

 (and no, I hold nothing against Poles

my best friends all my life..

nor I thought jews, even went to synagogue

I considered it war, not normal..

But the Jews in the government

are all staying very silent and bent)

 eight years after the war

passing through as the jew ran west

for a better life style

...he pointed

 and the russian military always believed 'them'

My Bratislava Grandparents too

taken by the russian military for someone's spite..

only released when the city jews asked they be released..

 'that deputy station master was there..

in Warsaw when I was

a storm trooper.'

actually a railway man

who directed the railways around the Ukraine

straight to Siberia never to return

 Yet it could not have been

that man was elsewhere at that time

sitting in Bratislava

with all his hungarian in-laws

(feeding jews there)

I, his child am proof of that

I have photos of him there

I was not conceived in Warsaw

He had deserted his post

After Stalingrad, it was over

just wait for the Russians to come..

 by the way for those who don't know history

only exciting faction/fiction  media films

-in Leipzig on the day Hitler came in

The Socialist Mayor and ALL the Council

were sent to Concentration camps

for hard labour

Until June forty two, they were work camps

and how many others too...

 ..and my second father

you are the daughter of one of our clever men

a world known writer Telewny

back then a Kolshosp accountant

spent years in a Russian gulag

after refusing to cheat the books

for the jewish Kolhosp boss

imprisonment for 'none-communist activities'

The boss got to the top

of the Party!

 My only comment is

the jewish psychologists of then I am told

(as the london jewish psychologists)

tried it all out on the german patients

and then the germans reversed it.

which jewish psychologist trained Mengele?

When will the next reversal come?

 Is it the system which is corrupt

or is it the people who run the human research system

which is corrupt

Mengele's system still killing people

 the new order from the lab:

"all retards will be used from now on"

 I am not nor never was retarded

nor even had any form of illness on that line

NEVER!

 used how, like the lab Muslim Mustafa

did to me over the years

 One night

going for a meal with an old friend, a Sikh

he blocked my veins all night

They say the retards scream when used

so they like using us normal people

because we suffer in silence

and die quietly

and lone women have no one to check

so breaking up the family is a must

fatherless kids just accept torture.

(the way they killed my second dad)

Watching a white woman going to bed

and torturing during the night

his speciality

now with his own department!

 but then

no one hears our stories

the real truth

we do not own the media system!

 IT’S A HIGH LEVEL SECRET

  No

it is not murder

it is not maiming

it is not copy write laws broken

it is not crippling

it is not destroying the fabric of life

it is not torture

it is not medical science

it is not any science

it is not even intelligent

it is not useful in any way

(Human Research should tell management how to run things)

it is criminal to the extreme

 it is a high level secret

 just as was Auschwitz

that was the same system, Camp Five

Mengele's system

another high level secret

believe me

we were there

the same low level scum

running the same low system

as it was in Auschwitz Camp Five

the same level of low intelligence

the same high level secret as then

it was kept secret just as this is

even when

one came back gabbling wildly

only now they don't even have to hide!

 which is what they say I do

 this weekend Madeline is on the machine

this weird bunch of murderers

not only destroy the population

they know every high secret

and kill at a high level

whom ever they want

 Not even we thought the Brits could be such spiteful cowards

 When the  machine is to be dismantled

the same murderers

of St Barths Human Research

the child rapist Muslims

who rob old ladies accounts

the lecherous quacks

(can't call them doctors

one admitted he had long since forgotten

what little he had learnt, if anything)

the same torturers

the same killers

the same thieves and my what thieves they are

thieving from the helpless

as they kill

Anna of the lab, will dismantle the machine of hell

 She will have every secret of the state

 today on over my C.D.

Sold out, sold out

two thousand books of your work

(they live with such shame?

God the english are crap)

organised by the lab St Barths

note St Barths is being rebuilt

They used Jessops hospital

and that was knocked down too

 She's a bit slow they put on the file (me)

 The red herring

they made it into a sex thing

for themselves to catch others interest

using absolutely forbidden sexual abuse

even at Churches and religious places

telling us all the while how the Nazis used Synagogues

Using Hospitals

the playground for Human Research games

telling us all the while how the Nazis used Hospitals

trying out another way of raping females

by machine remote erections and responses

the lab Indian even had the two year old raped

because he didn't like the Irish

and he was a child rapist himself

(that is how it works)

and as for the Media

they know very well who stalked and killed their reporter

hyped by the Human Research to kill

they call it ''could be'' and ''what if''..

more words for murder they use constantly.

  Get Renate in any way you can. Still shadowing every single thing.

 and

...I am going to use your mother and child theme

(friend of lab Annie, bossess and lover of the Ministries)

that is why I can't let you have the sketch books back

in which you trace the journey of your mother

with her children across Europe

(arn't the Brits sick,

they can't use their own stories?

Like the Junior Jewish Health Minister

who had to use my family's stories.

The scum shame their own ancestors. )

Three paint books robbed the last haul of thieves

they organise the thieving

the lab St Barths Human Research

 At the moment it is the Muslims of the lab

 If I go abroad as here in China

they send someone after me

where ever I go in weak countries

whose lab then allows torture

He returns at regular intervals

inbetween the lab tortures and uses

These countries actually allow

the brits to use their citizens

and young people for nasty experiments?

 Canada says they had orders from the summit

 I had hoped to escape there

They began heart pounding at massive speeds

all night twenty four hours.

It is not from the summit

The lab asks the government for use of us

for which they get use of the american advances

the americans gave to britain

to get themselves out of trouble

 Is there a lawyer out there who dare take them on?

 I teach the best of English out here

people here love the english

they think I am one!

As the Kiwis said

'you're a nearly Pom.'

 USE THE LIPSTICK POEM AGAIN

 Lipstick in the Fridge

written back some twenty years ago

 Please re write it again....

a second time, why?

 we have to establish this friend of mine

she has used all of our victim's poetry

on my directions from the lab

and we have already brought success to her

and many, many others

 in that way

the victim will never be listened to

in any way

 Back in the eighties

after the lab had separated us

as they play within the unsuspecting population

doing as they please

then without permission

 I wrote many a verse

with children to rear alone

College to attend

and the lab abuses to fight alone

time was short

 As a kid I had always had literature firsts

distinction after distinction

as well as art

My reports still say that

and most school pals knew me for that

 Surely a compliment to the english

as I had not come to the island till nearly eight

with every kind of hindrance you can imagine

no pencils, no paper not the least in our poverty

lets not talk about physical abuse and all that

that goes with the little girl's refugee lives

and is better forgot

 Well, he'd gone, he'd gone

won't come back so might as well get on

Not what the lab had in mind, mindst

the lab had other ideas for games

manipulating impossible situations was their sport

but then I still believed in honesty and truth

and most of all God...anybodies God

 Invited to the Edinburgh Arts Festival

wrote and got printed here and there

but the main purpose was to feed my kids

study was the answer to that

but dare I tell you what the lab did to block that

They wanted - I find this hard to tell

that I should sleep around

go on the dole

then find some useless bloke again..!!

to cover their separating me

then they might put something in my way

as they do to those with whom they play..

 please don't ask me why

I am perfectly capable

intelligent and careful

so the battering and thieving began

 theory was

if we lost everything

then I would sleep around

(so why destroy my sons?)

 at this early time I wrote a poem called

Lipstick in the fridge

Annie of the lab bossess' friend copied it

as hers as they tried to wash out my work

If it were everywhere it might not be recognised as mine

 Now the things women do to women

I have always found are worse at times

than what men do to women

Annie used all the most selfish

of all her rich and well to do friends

to copy all the work

though they knew I had only a few years left

I was forty when they separated us

and she drove me from College to University

with terror tactics you would not believe

 I actually laugh now when I hear

what happened to jews back then

you should try our Annie here

I nod knowingly

 yesterday she told

she tells them I tried to write a book

but could not so ask if they could do this for me

as I am a retard and incapable

and they have permission for all the crimes

What lies this woman thinks of?

but as the lover of government Ministers

and Civil Servants, that's how it is, I suppose.

 they made up a phrase

you honour her by copying her work

as we honour her by crippling her

and robbing any achievement she should have

 It is a good thing that I believe

that evil lives with along with good

I don't categorise evil within certain nationalities

or I would hate the Brits to death

 .........and then added

we will now rob what is in your house

the photo copies of eight prepared books

Unless you go to the top

I will never let you have your work back

wiped and changed on sites

and robbed from your house.

Seems like I need a good american solicitor!

 but curry favour this lab bossess must

as she is not perfectly capable

she is not intelligent and not careful

or she would never have gotten this mess

 the Christian Scientists have a very clever theory

(I liked that lot but just can't pray anymore after what has gone on)

as I told them about this lab

evil draws evil towards itself

and that is how it is with this lab

 so why are the Gov and the Prince there?

well 'Harvey is finished by us' they intoned on Saturday

Destroy their lives then watch them rebuild

..and that is a new technique,

with all of Europe's permission

don't make me laugh!

Our governments are more stupid than I had thought.

 so now they are parsing my work there

copying there, robbing that

then stealing the originals from the house

for yet another crime wave

for a police to add to their records

who don't yet know where the crimes

ripping our nation

are coming from...

 For those not in the know

These are modern research terms

'Make small

Then alter communications'

The original order had been

'rub out.'

I have been rubbed out

since the time I was born

can't you stop rubbing

just for my last years

and let those poor kids of mine

whose family and lives you destroyed

just live

I know they played violin and all those things

but just let them live a little

we know we are inferior to you real english

and were brought only to work for you

but they were born in your country

you use Stanis and Muslims to kill us

we are the unwanted Britons it seems...

 can't get Beta Poets at all now

I'd intended to at least write the titles of my 265 poems there

as I often write straight onto the computer

and my folders are all wiped and adjusted by the lab

though the poems themselves have been altered by the lab

 poets postscript..

over the tv

we are blocking Beta Poets

...You will NOT compromise us...

because we are all going to change it about

Adjust was one of our directives

we changed your bank account

taking a thousand or so each

took your post

adjusted you top marks to fails

Adjust was ordered because one of our lab

adjusts his tax returns

now we adjust your poetry

and the sponsored writers from the lab

will be given your original stuff to use.

Anyone who uses you and yours in any criminal way

is raised by the lab.....

 FROM ABOVE

 Where were all these poor jews?

we wanted to know

as we hear constantly about them.

 (The wag who said, New  York

is probably jewish anyway.)

 Not in Germany

Germany's jews were the richest in all Europe

from the fourteenth century on

 A orthodox Jew in Germany

warned his people back in the fourteenth century

stop your open lechery, it is not good in front of the indigene.

 Not in most of western Europe

though not emancipated as early as the German jews

they held good positions and good money places

 The religious persecution was no worse

than that of any other European land-mass religious groups

we burnt at the stake for Jesus, they burnt in their houses for the fatted calf...

 Not in Russia

though not liked, they held power and positions

just look at the size of St Petersburg Synagogue

 Found them...........

Found them......

Now we all know..

 Poland...............

 Do you remember reading

as did I, in many books

the Czar of Russia ordered

Jews of Poland

when Poland was part of Russian property

and he was trying to modernize his Empire

to clean up

to be fined if they wore side locks

and they must modernize

their areas were dirty and a disgrace

it was bad for the people the way they lived.

Only old pensioners and aged

may wear the traditional clothes

may continue the old ways..

 For the rest

they were no poorer than the indigenous poor

the survey found.

but wished harder to be richer

which is where the problem began

and still stands.

 Now I find

talking to Muslims

that God also told them

that he promised them

that they will be rich

(in Europe and America

God knew about Europe and America already?)

 Forgive me for being such a realist...

Couldn't they all listen a little less to God's promises

and work a little harder

and possibly in their own countries

as the Chinese have done

and find this rich kingdom of God's promises to them

over there.....

 I wish God gave out fewer promises

The world might be a better place for it.

 ULTRA SOUND

 So, now you use Ultra Sound for it

asked the foreign lab

so that's how you do it

That's how you torture your nation remote

We use it but not for that

 The americans gave to us

for our misdeeds and messing up

Our breaking international and internal laws

an amazing new array of hard ware

they are so kind and threw away their advances

 We Behavioural science

not a competent man or woman amongst us

were given the world's most sophisticated technology

to us on the population this time, not the retarded

and millions and millions on top

 So we have been able to give to all

former enemies and friends

to ensure our popularity

getting our foot in all over the place

using a whole array of lies

 Lies are easy to us

Have we not been the best diplomats in the world

Do we not have the saying

silence is golden

but send in our best liars to stir the pot

 Our american pals should learn this saying too

silence is golden

and not to give away all their advances

still powerful now they have lost their edge

we have that edge now

 In england gloves tell all

the right never knows what the left is doing

under the spotless gloves the blood pours

they even cover the huge machine directed sores and blebs

St Barths H.R. has given on my hands, arms and legs

(latest torment. They say I am their model, they mean victim)

 So now you use Ultra Sound for it

and they even paid you to torture the world

and your own little system

with lies about finding loopholes in your system

what liars you are

 But that is what happens

when criminals rule the land

and Britains top is now ruled by criminals

direct and words, orders from silent Ministers

Well, don't go public till Blair has gone

 Someone just might twig

what you evil bees have really been up to

through their blurry opium of stupidity

Not much changes,

Hitler's assent was exactly the same.

 Don't blame lax Blaire, whose only care

is his own popularity, he was totally aware

Blame the next guy

we won't tell him so much

(I wonder how much they lied to Blair?)

just as much as the Prince, mayhap!

 and Ernestine, Lab Annies friend

says, I am still copying your work to date.

We stole your family stories from your home...

Who had rewritten them after the lab offered them to him

The junior jewish Health Minister

 We stole your sketch books

who had taken the drawings off the machine

(joke, you went to Synagogue at this time!)

The Redbridge lab axeman from the north London

Liberal Synagogue for his daughter Fay

 (his wife wrote our refugee stories to woman's world

off the machine, as jewish refugee stories..

at this point I began to question their past)

to copy as her own work at art college

and has kept them for future use!

 So now you know why we robbed them from your house.

 over microsound as I write..

"we are still using your style"

 well you poor souls

murdering artist college lecturers

Colin of Psalter  Lane in Sheffield (over use)

and then copying other artists

who have had so little of life

and you been given so much

and have everything!

 maybe now you know why Hitler happened

in the dark silence of the night.

 COSMOPOLITAN MAGAZINE

 "Cosmopolitan magazine

has your stories

copied exactly

from those books

which were stolen..

the years of work

from The Sheffield University Writers Group

and all those East London Groups...

all lodged on the machine

at St Barths Human Research

given to friends of the lab

to send to Cosmopolitan

along with portions of private diary

as their own work

oh and the lab staff

Francene and the others

who copy anything at all

using your exact words and phrases.

 We told the Queen

who gave us permission to use what we want

and St Guys listened

Don't ever expect me to stand for the Queen

ever again

 So they ran me out of London

the city I loved

from the East End where I was loved

a book in itself

for fear of their crimes being discovered

 and when I sent those same stories to magazines

in those blue kids catholic school books not filled

of my sons

as the lab used the helpless kids

after taking away their father

and smashing everything I tried to build for them

over and over again

(Christmas for instance

when the boys were still in their early teens

three weeks dole in my purse

"have her purse stolen for a medical girl

so the kids starve over the whole month.."

I would have to sit and think

how many thefts they have committed

to starve us out over the years..

british democracy!!)

 Those stories

which I had scribbled over the years

they never got there

were they rejected

they were never printed

as the lab people were printing them

 same as the Newham Labour Party

Tony Banks' group

my group

which I belonged to

was moved far away

without telling me

and a few more things

so that  I could not tell the Party

anything at all

and later Tony was disposed of.

("we gave him a few shots

--he shouldn't sneer at us

and laugh at our dirt

but listen to what we say")

My letter to the communist party

never arrived

and when I wanted to rejoin

having been a party member

if a silent one, all my life

I was told

all Parties had been given the order

they  may not help us.

 and now the police know how it is done

or rather a top policeman

who remains silent!

but they don't know how to prove it

It was a West Indian girl in the lab.

that is all I will say...

 I hope the Cosmopolitan and the rest

are ashamed of themselves

 and as for that reporter

 to murder a man like my dad

whose work was genuine

if prompted by my mum

known world wide by the Ukrainians

and to use my work stolen

to get a job as a reporter

use copied work from a lab

which is supposed to care for retarded people

 and Paula of the Mirror

must be the worst example of female reportage

there can possibly be

"she used your exact phrases"

woman kills woman for her own ends....

 You know guys

if they did that

their actual job

We could and would admire and respect them....

 instead they cause mayhem

and unbelievable corruption

in our nation!

 "can she send us to prison" they ask

 Yet it was they who did this........

 their sadist girl of the moment

who gave me the horror hands

covered in sores

because one of their L.A. research men

got a sore on his genitals

from too much scoring  

here, there and everywhere

(wish our lot kept to that hobby)

in their idiotic circling

which is why she too has been given all my work

"sift through this" she was told

guaranteed printing and sales

by a system supposed to care for retarded people..

 and L.A. guy put over today

 "all of you lost.."

 he is a jew and says he believes in revenge

only revenge on the weak

not revenge on the guilty

but with their media hyping

they are now gods and can do anything

 what, a helpless mother and fatherless kids

and two scared, ancient refugees from the East

who wouldn't dare say boo to an english person...

 against the greatest power the world has ever known

even the communists were kind to this.

and what was our crime

oh yes, we play music, write and paint

and live our own quiet lives.

 hey guys you should see these cretins

when they come to see the teacher of their own children

smarming with the rest of them

whilst they use another teachers work

for their own gains..........

 Another of their cretins

"a female called Alyson

has a load of your stories

having traced a load of your paintings

as she is not a good drawer

now 16.6.07 at seven p.m.

they put over by microsound

Let Alyson use them

then she (me) will have to sue all of us

when she (me) returns."

 This is the same system which ran Auschwitz

Camp five experimental camp

and all the other of the experimental camps

 Fatah they say is in it now

and one member will come to the lab

(internal problems to sort which we cause

and remember anything is possible now

with this new hardware-

then we will give you help)

 Might there be something very wrong with that System

 KOSCHITZE IN SLOVAKIA

 GET THAT BOOK OUT OF KOSCHITZE LIBRARY

 the book being

Paper Battleships

the first book I wrote

a collection of works which had been printed

and seemed popular...

 why Koschitzte?

 We came to England

poached from Europe's refugee camps

post war

begged to rebuild

this island

for which we would get all rights

as decent citizens

which we did

but no rights..

 Rights?

now there's a darned laugh to start off with...

 we had a close community

happy within ourselves and hard working

the best behaved community on the island

the Home Office said of us

 We had painful backgrounds

but we got on

work covered the scars

 then time went by

each year was going to be next year

Next year we will be Home

It never came

the years passed

school and weddings and all that

 we got lonely

those like me

born over there

our old people died one after the other

the Brits don't bond with us

they feel superior to us

and our quiet ways

our clever talk and artistic plays

the embroidery

the music played

the singing

the dancing

the rest of it

We must be peasants to be so talented!

We didn't get the privileges

they gave to their Colonies

nor the Rights they promised.

 So we holed up in our homes

waiting for that one moment

when the jump could come

either West or East

didn't much matter which

 The Hungarians came

but most went home later

unhappy as were we

 The Pakistanis came

that wasn't bad

they got on quite well with us

and often had similar ways

but are superior to us

in British eyes

 and then lo and behold

our own people began arriving

 it was magic

 I, born in Czechoslovakia

Hungarian ethnic

Ukrainian dad

now have several neighbours

all born in Slovakia!

For the first time

I went to the pub on Saturday night

our men singing

our women and kids all over the place

not our class as when we were at home

but still our people..

 Not from my native Bratislava

these new neighbours

but from a place called Koschitze

(very bad accent compared to ours

my ninety year old mum wagged)

well who the heck cares

they don't look down on us

 They're a different generation

they maybe think a bit different

but basically we are the same

it is hardly believable

 My children were thrilled to bits

 so I gave them one of my books

when they returned back home

to my own country

to let those people there know

my relatives who still live there

that I am here..

 (One aunty married a high Slovak official)

and we are here..

and if they find out

let us know...

 It got there

as it went by hand and not by post

the lab stole all those in the post

and took them to the lab

 then when I had more reprinted

the Pakistani lab members

real cretins who raise their own community there

using the new hardware

as they torture us for the British

had a whole load of spelling mistakes

and other misprints done on them

as they said they too had used my work

and I had to look stupid for them..

 Then the present sadist lab girl said

(they have to find sadistic things to do on orders)

"why are her books over there"

Hungary, Slovakia, Ukraine and Russia

where her people are..

I will soon sort that one out

 and now there is not book of mine

in the library of Koschitze she says

 (don't ask how many they took from the post

my postage and the cost of the books not counted

hundreds and hundreds

as I am not allowed post

as the jewish quacks of the lab had caused crime

so their answer was

punish them for us and our crimes

the victims

throw all we have done back at them

and our government

mainly jewish rather than righteous

and our super lax Prime Minister Blaire

who cares only about his own popularity

backed them

not its innocent citizens

a whole bunch of liars........

 SOME OLD WHORE

 Do you know what it is like

to be a slight ten year old

with no father to protect you

and some strange man

heaving about on top of you

tearing your body to bits

 I do from my own experience

and it is not very nice

it stays with you for ever

 do you know what it is like

to be a skinny nine year old

to have some strange man

pulling and pressing your chest

causing you pain

and pushing his fingers

where you are most private

till you bleed like a pig all night

 I do from my own experience

and it is not very nice

it stays with you for ever

You never, ever hug anyone after that

 One of these child rapists

who was a health worker with barely any english

raised to lab worker at St Barths Human Research

now has his own department of Personnel

gave this reply

'No man wants an old whore

but we feel desire for sex

we want fresh young girls

that is why we do it..'

 Hm, even Maxwell when over in Germany

straight after the war

raped an eleven year old German child

walking past them

infront of his brother officers there.

But the Brits got him in the end ...

We had chosen England as our home

as they did not hug nor rape

as much as all the others...

 and now I find

that these child rapist men the lab St Barths employs

and has raised to departments of their own

after they destroy members of the population

and are shown how to siphon money from citizens account

saying as they commit crime after crime

'they are helping us and me'

(In England there are no crimes, believe me!)

not one lab member but several of them

have used little girls

in their native countries

not one girl but several

 Although we cannot check their pasts

(why not, I am East European

and they checked every tiniest detail

even though we had been checked

time and again before)

but ok these were Britain's colonies

so it doesn't matter

they can be low as they want

all the better

makes the brits feel good in comparison

 why when they come over here

and it is known what they have done

they are still raised in our society

to Boss of Personnel department

(most hate the country

though they say they work for it!)

work in highly secret labs

doing work which the nation

barely has any idea about

or they would be in prison within days

(I forget I quote

"several Conservatives were in it")

 and their wives tell these men

'oh some little slag you used, never mind'

You can believe that

years ago, I worked teaching in Pakistan

even in the very nice family where I lived

the young women laughed

at Bengali girls sold as slaves

to their poor. I asked what happens

when these girls are no longer wanted

'well, they sell them again..''

and giggled mirthfully.

 At nine and ten years old

you don't know enough to be a slag!

I know from my own experience

it is not nice believe me

it stays with your for ever

you never want to be touched again after that.

 They drive US out

now we have built their country up

restarted their economy

used us as donkeys

using us as rats now in illegal experiment

proving their system

robbing all our work to sell as their own

fill their country with this sort evil men

and raise them to be in charge

as that is the way it is going to go

 One of these child rapists

(I only did it twice to little girls)

has a place near Marble Arch

on his massive wages is defrauding the nation

has covered himself so well

that he gets Family Credit

and doesn't have to pay his rent

(I'll send my Stocks and Shares

abroad then he answered today)

but don't they all

One Tory answered that one

"it is our compensation to them!"

 Listen my nearly fellow countrymen

is that really what you want for the future

The english in my home city answered

we owe the muslims this....

 you can't think straight can you?

you pay compensation to the countries you robbed

you build schools and dams for them

show them how to farm and how to sanitize

not raise their most evil scum to high above your own

doing illegal work

no english would do without questioning!

 you feel you owe them

corruption on such scale

Exactly the same as Hitler

only this time

to cover jewish corruption.

Makes you wonder

doesn't it?

Why did Hitler happen.

 THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER

 The Royal Prerogative

programs for the Royals in the lab

for good and for bad

meant we

the Lab St Barths Human Research

could steal and maim at will across the land

and beyond its borders

even though St Guys heard us..

 Now 'copy this' has a new coined phrase

after decades of copying

'match this work from the machine'

family stories of theirs all matched now

by  mediocre british failures, all guaranteed

Meaningless British Literature

again Research destroys the arts

just as it did in Hitler's day....

 "we intended to pauper them..

well, and cripple them as well

but initially the L.A. Jew

who worked out this method of killing-

people who had saved jews back then

was 'pauper them

 then, when they found out we were artists

and our artistry had kept their cousins alive

The lab Axe man Miller

who overwrites his tax returns I am told

took every copy home for his daughter to copy!

He's a thief they said today.

(But arn't they all at that lab?)

 (these men are now all on full pay

but do not come into work

Alan, the none religious jew

because of his love affair with the bossess

Miller because he can not stand inspecting

That one equals any of Hitler's worst

whether he lives in Redbridge

prays at South London Liberal Synagogue

or not.. The Pakistanis Health Workers used

are all quickly being given

departments of their own to run

to pay them for their crimes.)

 copy all and everything

ghost everything

keep it going round and round

adjust everything

confuse everything

 Lots of lies to foreign states

some are almost laughable

but research are told they must stick

purely to the file of lies

and punish for that

then the millions they are paid

will be theirs..

 and added

we don't need your friendship any more

batter all the children

two of them we have totally destroyed

we used them as teenagers for research

after destroying their family

and leaving their mother destitute

and on the machine being sensed

messing at the Colleges were she attended

killing lecturers, poor Colin

and friends,  by over use

used for any destructive crime not allowed

 The older two, too clever,

from before we destroyed their family

ok have got into alternative systems

keep them down

keep them down until we are all dead

 For that my family

all seven children

and parents and spouses

and grandchildren

gave their lives

to save jews...........?

 Under Benes it was the same

We Huns of Bratislava

could not work in Civil Service

or decent careers..

all we could do

was work in Business

we and the jews

and now those same jews

have kicked us in the *rse

though then they were happy to use us

 and as for Britain

at my grandfather's workshops

in Bratislava

every year a seller appeared

selling Yorkshire woollen cloths

for our best customers

Now we live in Yorkshire

and though the Mayoress and others know

not one saves a hand to save us

and we had rated them so highly...

 There on the Pennine's way-

Bushra, trained by the lab

told new students..-

''you have a ninety year old

they call her Hilda for ease

to torture and torment at will..

just say that you help her

and you can do anything you wish

however evil..

Mrs Miller wife of the axeman

filled out all forms at the lab.

 I didn't find out till much, much later.

These people have no medical training

though they are supposed to care for the retarded

have less skill than my average GCSE Biology Pupil

(not one of them could pass the GCSE

including Francene from Scotland and the rest)

know only 'interesting bits', told them by the lab

for their high incomes.

Salma or was it Seema, admitted yesterday:

I find I am looking at male mental patients crotch area

it is because of what I was taught by the bossess

and the films we all watched..

We came all this way

through all that horror

to this,

semi literate Asians

and corrupt labs

to use us as lab rats

with no safety no rules for us

as they do for their daily play and pay..

me too, daily

and cripple our children.

This is the British

''we will treat you as decent citizens

if you will work hard for us..?"

(is she senile? this old former anglophile-

that is the laugh, isn't it, anglophile and pro jewish..

in their darkest hours we stood by them-

so they give us to the colonials to use for play..

No, we have messed her body and mind so much

since nineteen eighty four

that now she has gone into hiding!)

 Not much changes

and England is the same as we had had before!

She was one of those

who saved hundreds and hundreds

 who for twenty years has suffered exactly the same

as those we saved them from.

 THE INTERPRETER

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

 "We wern't allowed to do what we did"

intervention into our private citizens lives

is costly

either for them,

or for the interventionists

especially when they have been doing so

for a long, long time

using secret hardware indiscriminately

so many dead and maimed people

none knew why

it is all remote

finally the blunder of all their blunders

a lot of people saw

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

What to do?

Destroy the victims

just as Hitler had to have a scapegoat.."

dig, dig, dig and twist facts round

don't tell them the facts..

..just those who will torture and rob them

ordering they must follow the files

not the reality in front of them.

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

As messes come

it was only small

not so small now

it was only small then

after we talked

to our governments

Our Ministries had to cover

so we were and are allowed to rip

with no laws or any rules followed

but no one must ever find out

what was our work

The leaders all know.

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

So the whole family have to be destroyed

grandparents, parents, children

only grandchildren

dig dig dig

when WE are all dead

we who have used them

and played with them

and messed with them

destroyed them

that is our task

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

We destroy to see how the victim rebuilds

but not usually for a lifetime

but now we will be discovered

the mess has been changed

"we will punish THEM for OUR deeds

turn it all round onto them.."

will be allowed any future.

The killing fields can begin."

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

She was too old to understand

the children too young to understand

the lab divided and destroyed

How can such an old person

understand the latest technology

It was better to leave her

as so many people

still caught up in the past

unaware of what goes on around them

not listening nor aware of the present

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

At first she thought it was the KGB

The english are always playing KGB

It has to be that

no one except its own politicians

ever suspects the Brits

but I found many on high know

they cover,

but they don't cover so well

a few will always know..

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

("every country has its terror machine"

some one just put over the microsound

My coordinates are attached to many 'computers

any one of them can torture me

at any moment

ghost and copy all I say and do

and they do!)

 They do,

but I was a quiet housewife

with absolutely no background

except painting and poetry!

 She'd been the President's russian interpreter

Like me, mum is a-political

women alone for what ever reason

who have to work

it  means we can sometimes do good

we just tell it as it is, honestly.

 In forty three in Austria

in the butchers she yelled

'so were are all the jews now'

all about her shushed her, you'll be next!

She was the Interpreter

for a pile of women workers

and their Red Cross surveyor

or some term like that

 For what ever reason

the German army got little food

some officers sold prisoners' foods

for their men on the black market

and others stole food.

She used to yell at them to get the food back

and stuff like that.

 Fearless old Hun she was

she kept her girls alive and very healthy

yelling at officers ..

..in all sorts of situations

everyone knows, she told everyone.

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

One of the many accusations from this Lab

besides that we are dirty, slovenly, stupid

inferior in every way, retarded idiots even, on their file

though not one of us has ever been to that lab

by the Lab St Barths Human Research

was that we were Nazi..ofcourse...

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

They sponsored us they tell everyone

but don't tell  that it was for remote torture

"anyone come here and use them for anything"

they actually rang around

anything goes over here!

anything you are not allowed over there

life was and is a hell nearly impossible to explain-

methods illegal and outlawed anywhere else

as they robbed and still rob all work

money and livelihoods

and made us total prisoners

since nineteen eighty four

for which they got permission to use the population

which they already had anyway

no help after they messed

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

My dad they said, was some Ukrainian Nazi killer

they tell me by microsound, none stop since ninety one now

such a disgusting lie, it is beyond belief

but they use that kind of dirt

not just for me, you would be surprised

then say, : we put them all under therapy

sad that therapy has now become torture and murder

but nothing changes..

They call that a "what if.."

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

then they put this out to all the system young

American young are shockingly ill informed

but Pennsylvania complained

we wouldn’t do this to multiple rapists and murderers

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

(it was Churchill who ordered the bombing of Dresden

and they are still running to those orders

beats me why?)

and fed a load of rubbish most of the time

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

In time they killed the old man

making it look like his health

They call it manslaughter I don't know why

Theirs said he was tortured as they do me and many

daily, and my time is running out too.

 He'd been a well loved writer

and was too well known

Semen Telewny was well known

around the whole of the world

 I knew then they would start on my mum

not knowing they already had

They wanted a family to practice on

and we were so vulnerable, that was all.

 As I had no fears what so ever

I wrote to the Wiesenthal foundation

giving all names and addresses of family

Three months later the answer came

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

(the lab tried to scare me with the Israeli SAS

at Whitechapel writers group too

a man walking around in a white rain coat

following me around the East End of London

Crack pot, found later he's written two books

of my poetry and lover of the lab bossess

Got his degree at Oxford and had to copy mine!

though why they thought I should be scared

was beyond me)

 Absolutely clean...

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

Now the research sister lab in New York

which had given my paintings of meetings

at Leeds Reform Synagogue once a week

which I painted on return at home

(we are beamed to New  York constantly

-friends and lovers of the London lab

it is what London do to amuse themselves,

we have no privacy what so ever

nor work which is our own

the lab nicks it all off the screen)

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

the New York lab gave my work

as London beamed our lives over

to friends of theirs two elderly jewesses there

who sold it as theirs

their students copied my private diary

illegally to write as their thesis

as have all the semi-literates at London

who now mess with our humanity

 secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets

so as another cover

they look for someone who was there back then

Wiesenthal's word isn't good enough

They found a taxi driver who says he was there..

they microsounded at three a.m.

It was a camp of female workers

most stayed there anyway!

 A ninety year old taxi driver?

 My daughter has a jewish friend

who will not talk to her father

He tells everyone he was a K.L victim

he has never been out of England

Everyone I know has now been to a K.L. but everyone!

 Madeline says she thought they would start that

(part of the circling)

yes, the American government knows

Oddly the clever ones who were there

are able to differentiate

They know that it was and is

about political messing

about good and evil

about the rise of brutes

when people starve in the streets

 just as it always was and is now

and political manoeuvring

to cause certain results

just as it is now.

 postcript:

do people realise that enemy aliens in England had a visit from a Police Detective Sergeant monthly for many, many, many years after settling...

"Put the kettle on Mrs Teley, Det. Sergeant Bradley would call as he came in ..." A nice man who got me my Naturalisation, but they are never told about their own English evil, methinks.

Enemy Aliens? My dad refused to take British Citizenship, as he had to sign that he had been a 'Russian' previously not a Ukrainian, and he could not do that. He loved his country, though he was far away and the british government would not bend.

 YOUR GRANDSONS WILL BE

 We call it reduction therapy

it sounds better

 until we are all dead

you and yours will be our prisoners

 you are used for any horror tests

your work is copied repeatedly

 then robbed from your house

so you can not compromise us

 not only have we destroyed your life

and your health, but we will not allow you to work

 For this we made a promise

your grandsons will be something

 My grandsons come from clever parents

grandparents and great grandparents

 We do not need your nasty perverted promises

of after you are all safe and dead, got away with it..

 The father of my eldest grandson

is an Oxford First though being Anglo- Indian

 no doubt inferior in your eyes as are we

though of the highest caste. His mother, my daughter,

 a College Principal though you kept her and her brother

down for long enough, bright as a button

 (they can all only work in alternative systems

give the little ones prison sentences no matter what)

 My two younger grandsons, children of my eldest son

well their mother is a welsh celt from Engand

 we will have to see. And you?

go take your nasty promises of God like creation

 somewhere else, as you anyway create writers and painters from your failures on my work with guarantees

 makes you feel like God you said.

Your kind of God, a God who is you, you said

 Latest word from you on your Godlike status

"people will be what I say, not what they say!"

 You we don't need, with your great suppliers from over the pond

though you screw us into the ground, with agony added.

 England has been a bitter pill..........

 UNBELIEVABLE

 Even Curry put some of it into her books

Even Blair used some in his speeches

They all came in and used it

Off the machine at St Barths Human Research.

 We thought you had signed

to be used

that is what we were told

no one checked!

 All those jokes were theirs

family jokes from all of them

right across the media

we sent them off in our names

 and all those opinions

we listen to you constantly

all are immediately sent off

here is another opinion/fact we say

 Why?

 The lab had tagged us illegally

nineteen eighty four

the bossess had given our work

to all her friends at the Ministries

 to curry favour she asked the politicians in too

do help yourself

our victims don't mind

they all came into the lab

 as all her staff had written down straight off the screen

and sent it to where ever they wanted

Monologues, stories and what ever

she had to cover them all

 Friedlander tells us today

he was told I was at an orgy

(I've only ever been to two parties

and they were no orgies)

and I don't want any of the work anyway

so he could use it all

 Then they added

Friedlander is an idiot

and all the rest of them

idiots to be used by such a scam

 so that way the lab is safe

by the total criminalisation of the whole country

to cover the gross misconduct

of one little gov. lab which should care for the retarded

 added the bossess

"I gave the Ministers and Civil Servants my body

they have to take care of me!"

Major didn't do anything, nor did Thatcher...

 Blair helped the criminals of criminals

few know what he did to his country

such is western freedom. Artists artificially created.

Freedom for whom. Setting off international alarms

 gross misconduct used to be a crime

and they had already had a warning

 We (tv) had to ask

Did Prince Charles use her work too?

answer:

Yes!

 Yea Gods!

 TEENS

 I have the need to share

something I have just been told over my t.v. remote

 presumably another research worker at St Barths

who abuses small children along with his co-workers

 There is no problem in this, he put over

They come when they are in their teens!

 Would this pervert male

like to let me know

 why our Creator, nature

what ever you like to call your God

 made childhood for?

just for his criminal lusts and those like him?

 Sorry guys, if I had the power,  I would have an answer

how to cope with you all so you never, ever did it again.

 ALL FROM THEIR BOOKS

 All this taking of words

all this taking of phrases

all this taking of sayings

 are they mad

are they sad

are they just bad

 simple idea by Ziegler of New York

(hope you had no cousins

in old Bratislava's jewish area

where we lived and gave to all)

barely known writer?

our writers pushed and raised to the top

 each newspaper

each type of book

each type of novel

every magazine

 no one will know

every one will think

all she has taken from all those books

though written long ago

into books much has been printed

 but don't worry

they are none of them professionals

the Americans told us how to do it

 If all professionals can do

is copy work

given them from a lab

which no longer cares for the retarded

 I am not sure what it is to be a professional!

 ETHEL OF SURBATON

 Ethel says she lives a life of comfort

Ethel says it is all due to the work given

Ethel copies all my twenty years of work to the word

 Ethel had one or two small successes before my stuff

Ethel had all her work returned from printers

Ethel copied exactly as told by the lab

 Ethel now sells all her stuff mainly to the t.v.

Ethel still copies all my stories and all sell

Ethel is also on the machine at the lab St Barths....

 Ethel wasn't ashamed when I saw her

Ethel was at my end of town

Ethel didn't recognise me from their illegal processing

 Ethel didn't have to run for lunch between teaching

Ethel should maybe come to East Ham College to see me

Ethel is too dishonest to do that and knows it....

 What with Ethel, Mrs Cricklewood

with Emma, with Brierley and all the rest--

we're allowed to destroy all the stuff given of yours

as for the devious Ernestine and Friedlander

the list goes on and on

 The stuff science can do now that I know of..

you think in the future you won't be known

as the cheats you are mix and matching or not

robbing University work and processing..

 Ethel, swaying her long brown hair

Ethel's hair is straight, unlike herself

Ethel, the cheat, now no longer has writer's block!

 and with the directed thieving

of all work from our tiny miner's house

and the wiping of half of my work off the computer

with their high power illegal lab computers

 Ethel need never worry

Ethel and the rest's cheating is covered

by the Lab St Barths Human Research....

  MINISTERS AND MISTRESSES

 IT would take

just a few laws

to take away

the total power

which Ann of the lab

St Barths Human Research

the old concentration camp system

of Auschwitz, Belsen and the rest

and to leave them powerless

or controlled..

 to which she adds

"George of the New  York lab'

has been been on the line

severel times.

If he thinks

we will help him again

he has another think coming."

 I seem to remember

it was George of the New  York lab

who came to the assistance

when the London lab

has set off the alarms

at Santa Monica

and committed

gross crimes

international and national.

 George would have done well

to remember the past

Churchill in thirty nine

stood up in parliament

and said

'No jews, unless rich..'

personally, I think

they are all of them cracked!

 Should Blair have a third term

Anna of the lab St Barths was asked

No, he must go..

King maker and breaker now

as well as murderers?

  WOT PARTY? to all those of you

who have read

Semen Telewny's work

 to the Ukrainian millionaire

who wanted to sponsor him

to come to America

 and then stupidly

took him to the underground

in New York

 and frightened the daylights

out of him

a Kulak and a small town guy

 and those who knew Hilda

who though a terrible tempered

Hun who would fight anything

 but not now at ninety..

with her memory gone

but healthy and hearty in a way

 please know

regards recent issues

SHE WAS NEVER A MEMBER OF THE NAZI PARTY!

SHE WAS NEVER A MEMBER OF ANY PARTY..

 I  am the party member not she

of the Socialist Party..

and my dad wrote about the Parties

and their many foibles

 he used to say

young a communist

middle aged a liberal

old a conservative!

 Hilda's great delight had always been

that she had never once

raised her hand in salute

 though she had spoken to some of the mightiest!

(Hun's are a bit mad

even Hitler's mob realised that)

 and as a family

we live and have always lived by honesty

which is not always appreciated by liars and cheats

 end of that trial.

Now they have given me horrendous sores

Still claiming we are volunteers!

 PROVE IT SAYS THE TORY....

 ALAN GARETH TEA LEAF

  Al came to the lab

Al took forty five paintings

from the machine at the lab

(they give all I do out

from that machine

from which they torture daily..

would that the americans

had kept their discoveries

in their well policed country)

all of them mine, sitting illegally at the lab

St Barths Human Research

 Al was asked by Anna

Mistress of Ministers and Civil Servants

who had used the new technology indiscriminately

amongst the people without telling

finally making a mistake

which many on high saw

 Anna asked Al

mix and match with yours

blend and personalise her work as yours

that is what they all have to do

later with directed thieving

we will rob all they have-

a poor lone mum with kids

 Anna had already put the order out

prison for the kids

having destroyed the family background

(it is called a live experiment they say?)

any pretext

two weeks for speeding

and three months in a category B

(rapists and murderers)

for a nineteen year old

standing guard for a friend pinching videos!!

(doesn't matter what for

once on record)

 Did you know the brits were so cruel

we certainly didn't

we refugees

poached from Australia

to come here in the forties

worked hard

never did any wrong

lived in poverty

for this freedom..

that's a laugh now

Yet they give terrorists who despise them

every freedom..

 (If I wern't a decent person

I'd laugh at them)

I have in my second book

which the lab has robbed from everywhere

along with the first

printed the copy of a form

the promise Britain made to us

if we would only come and live here and work

if we were respectable citizens

we would be treated as such

such liars...

 such liars they are

you all know

I loved the nuns of Bavaria

the mothers of my childhood at both Homes

the sharp and sweet of them

but they should have told me the truth

not glorified this place they were sending me to

Only the boys told the truth

fifty boys and five girls we were

and three nuns to care and grow for us

they said seven foot men on huge steeds

in red coats on horses would come and hunt me

and chase me into a corner into a hole...

 rather like the dreams I had later

when I had to run across a blackened Europe

on our bellies to save my last son

take him to my children's home in Bavaria

empty when we got there

he was safe

but a thousand green hands

dragged me under all night..

 and as for my new mum

with her glorious ideas of the Empire and the british

Couldn't they have guessed in old Royal Hungary

how the Empire was won

So much is never won by kindness

it is taken.......

thieves, thieves, thieves

that is what they said Esther Rantzen had said

then they beamed a mucky film

(supposed to be of me but yous all know me better)

into her studio

so that the woman I had stuck up for

also turned against me

Bad judges these jews!

 Nor at my C. of E schools

(where I was pretty happy- I liked school)

we did lots of stories about the Empire

little black men up trees throwing down coconuts

and I painted the pictures to go with the stories

and nasty evil Bible stories

going on in Israel, not here

but I forgot

my grandad had said

England is built on the money of the Jews..

and he knew

we had a man from the woollen industry

he came yearly to sell us navy blue

for the jews whom we clothed

back there in old Bratislava,

No one told the truth ever.......

 Now alan is having an exhibition of my work

with a line or two of his in it

with directed thieving

the young people

the slim young girl with black hair

living close by

taught by the lab to be thieves

(the only thing the lab teaches

is how to cheat, thieve and worse)

are now going to copy the paintings in my books

thieved by them

directed by the lab

 (the lab has used about ten thieves

I quote them)

 sektches of my daughter's godfather's suicide

they used to live in the opposite barrack to us

there at Warsaw Hamlet Refugee Camp

on the Lincolnshire Wolds

of our journey to the West

of our deaths and our lives

of bridges crossed

of orphanages and children's homes on the way to here

of all the horror we have gone through

(mustn't say, the English don't like it..

I was told over and over again)

which had never been spoken of before

we never speak of it

none of us

it sits in our hearts

so now english are robbing it all

to make money from our pain

 so finally I had put it all into paintings

though some at the College didn't like them

the Head Faulkner would smile

'well little Mrs artist, what today?'

 all done whilst at Art College

here in Sheffield our home

where they over tuned my lecturer

and a few more

(it's called manslaughter)

 Al the thief is a cheat

as are all those the lab sponsored..

a country full of cheats

 the boy who was tuned to steal all our histories

finds it is too foreign

he doesn't know how to use it

yet..

the lab used passage after passage

directed constant theft

is their cover...

  when it is all over

their Doctor Meyer had thought

we will return it all back to the home

as though nothing has happened...

 you were not supposed to write

or have been a real painter

we just didn't check anything

we never check anything

 and we chose this for our home?

 PLAGER ENOUGH

 quotes at 2.15 p.m. on Saturday over the t.v.

transmissions constantly broken into..

besides microsound

(sound on computer broken up and replaced on coordinates)

 If we plager her enough

she can't do anything about it.

Give them Rights to her work

 We had to destroy your heart

(you can feel when they press your heart valves

Four years ago I had one hundred percent health

and the British don't torture?)

 We did that to your mother and father

It is so we can say it is a family thing

Every torture possible was tried on you

There is no way you can prove it

there is no way you can stop us

We call it weakening you.

 We destroy absolutely everything

we don't count the cost

you are not a human being for us

not even a subhuman

we watch what can be rebuilt

 Unfortunately you won't play our game

No body knows

but everybody knows

we put it on films and ads

 Have you been seeding clouds

Yes, if you see it on films

believe it

we order the films to be made

a gradual introduction...

 ABOUT BABY GIRLS

 This is not my story

but there is a similarity

The words are not mine

but I will repeat them

to make people aware

even if they don't like to hear..

 This happens to so many little girls

from very tiny on

men, often from the same family

work them with their finger

constantly from babyhood

until the rupture is not noticed

 They then use them for themselves

Big brothers, uncles, nephews, men..

Often when these girls marry

Their new husbands beat them

However hard we try

it is impossible to keep our girls safe

say the mothers..

 I personally know of one woman

whose mother put her bed next to an old man

On her wedding morning to her young cousin

she was found in a pool of blood

 He has beaten her ever since

Though she was and is an excellent wife

even when she was holding their baby

till blood ran from her head

onto their baby

He blames her.

 One man answered this charge

This man is a professional at the lab

where several child rapists are employed..

Every man wants a young thing

not some woman

so we make them our own from birth.

 Babies and children are helpless

I left my children's home nuns at nearly eight

to come to live with a forgotten mother

and her new husband

in a new country..

underfed-

the size of a three year old they said

- thin and scared.

 She would send me in to the room of another man

'take uncle a cup of tea'

then took the silver he gave me away

He would sexually abuse me

constantly.

Later I hid.

 I could not tell her

I was a stranger to them

She was a stranger to me

I could not tell my new father

he was even a different nationality to me

as was the man

who was the same nationality as my new father.

I couldn't tell my new countrymen

They were different to me

I was a foreigner..

 My mother was a clever woman

but stupid in the wickedness of the world

a little, rich girl

educated by private Convent.

 When at sixteen a man really fell in love with me

had not touched me

wanted to marry me

she asked the doctor to do a virginity test

What the hell for

I was healthy and clever

The Italian lived a long way away

and anyway wanted to marry me

begging for one long year to do so.

 Though a Star Fighter pilot

the Italians had taken her beloved Tyrol!

I have to tell you something funny here

We also are part Italian in part of our family

her paternal grandmother's name was Bertodi!

Such a silly, with her passion for her Austria

-explanation, her mother was Austrian.

 Girls are always alone

Girls are rarely believed against adults

Girls are not believed by adults

Girls are helpless

Girls are smaller

Girls who are small are picked on

Girls are taught to obey

 I admire the girls, unlike me

who are lippy, mouthy and noisy, shouty..

I know they are safer girls

than the quiet girls, like me.

 I taught my own daughter to speak out.

These poor little mites

are having this happening NOW

Right NOW

this day

this moment

NOW

They have no way out

and many, many, many people know about it.

 I will get a bad name repeating it

I do not care

I know how much I suffered

So I know how much they suffer.

It is time doctors and others did something.

I begin to despair at doctors

 One of mine began a life of horror for me and mine

diagnosing a stress headache as an extra need for sex

(with five children?) which he said he had..

and to cover some of his odd actions

gave our name to Research to use as they wished, secretly..

 For crying out loud

what are doctors supposed to be for..........

 DID SHE REALLY SAY THAT?

 because you never talk about people

we did it for you

it was another of the damages

we put you through.

 The Ministries and their mistress

ensure no jobs mainstream

for our family

as they cannot afford

the scandal

incase someone, anyone

heard the truth.

 so a tiny, one man business I ran

often very successful

too successful

for the Ministries and their mistress

 It grew on my reputation

for good value

promises upheld

and total trust

as has always been the case.

 In old Bratislava

the massive jewish tailors

knew they could trust

the work of the little Hungarian

knew that he would never cheat them

no matter what happened

 ....and before that

our family was successful

as servants to our aristocratic families

Sumeg or where ever

as we could be trusted

it has always been the case

no matter what happened

 My clients

mainly Muslims

like the same qualities

so the lab had to break that trust

 "we destroyed your business

in this simple way

and other ways.."

 You never gossip

...I don't feel the need to

I write and paint

read of things and listen to music

I can't remember the nuns our mothers

gossiping when I was a child

with fifty and more children to care for

to grow our food and care for our home

why waste time in gossiping...

there are so many interesting things to do..

so we did it for you.

 Used by the lab

were the worst of RMN's

It makes me wonder

what exactly these women do

in their hospitals

 They tell me

stirring up trouble

destroying people

causing misery

is their job.

 I seem to remember

our nuns tried to make us happier!

 I wonder what that lab said I'd said.....

No I don't

They have nasty minds

It is better not to stoop as low

as those who live in evil deeds….

[strange-dreams-are-made-of-these]

Masterlist

Here is the master list of all of the fics I have written.

remember, my ask box is open for requests and ideas. I’m always in a mood to write, and I would love to add to my collection

Series/ Continuation stories

Your Voice Consoles Me (Part One): F!reader is up late again, thinking about Stephen after losing him in the blip. (Part Two): F!reader aids in the battle of New York, reuniting with Stephen

You Made Her Shine: The reader confides in Stephen during one of the most difficult times of her life. (Part Two): Stephen takes the reader out on a date, wanting to remind her just how much she means to him. (Part Three:)  Stephen and the reader thought they could enjoy their engagement in private. When all of New York picks up wind of their engagement, the Reader decides it's time to face the problem head on. (Part Four:) 

Why Don’t You Run From Me: Stephen needs help getting back to his home universe. He runs into a variant F!reader and begins to question how he treats his F!reader (20 follower gift) (Part Two): Sinister tried to avenge the death of his beloved reader. Alternatley in their appropriate universe, Stephen and the reader get a few things off their chests

Playing Games With This Old Heart:  You need to make cash fast after losing your job. After stumbling on a job, you can't help but to think about your first customer. And he can't get you out of his head. Logan Howlett x Reader

One Shot Stories

Its Going Down, Down: Variant!reader x Defender Strange, its a hurt story as the variant reader protects America

As Long As I’m Here: Gender neutral reader is helped by Stephen after a fall and he takes care of their concussion

Fly Me To The Moon: F!Reader x Stephen Strange, the two are protecting America, but the readers surprise is aired out before she can share with Stephen

No One Loves Like Ghosts: F!reader and Stephen find comfort in each other, confessing their feelings (50 followers request from Anon)

Can You Feel My Heart: Doctor Strange Supreme needs more power to achieve his goals. Will he take them from the reader? Or will he find himself in an all too familiar situation?

I Can’t Deny The Way I Feel: Stephen writes a love letter to the F!Reader (100 followers gift)

Can You Hear The Silence?: Stephen rushes to save his wife while caught up in battle

Dancing Beneath the Stars: 838 Stephen and the reader admit their feelings over some drinks and a bucket of ice at the staff party

NSFW / 18+ Stories:

Let Me Adore You: Stephen and his fiancé, F!reader, have some alone time after the events of DSMOM

See What You can Take: the female reader is overworking herself and needs some relief, Stephen has a few ideas. (69 followers gift)

Dark Paradise: Sinister Strange wants to show the F!Reader that the death of her Stephen doesn’t mean its the end of her happiness

[wonderlandleighleigh]

Ooo. Love the one were Mei is taking care of Midge. Can we by chance see whomever having to tell Lenny?

Three out of his four Boston gigs are a bust (one of the fucking clubs burned down), and he's ready to get out of the city and up to the mountains to see Midge and the kids.

He still fucking hates the Catskills. Still spends most of his time in his beloved hammock. But the other chunk of time he gets to spend with his funny, beautiful wife, and the kids he adores.

When he pulls in and parks the car, things seem...

Off.

"Lenny."

He turns, and finds his father-in-law walking toward him. "Abe. It's late..."

"Yes, well. It's been quite a day."

"Did something happen?" Lenny asks, his brain riffling through the myriad of things that can go wrong in this god-forsaken-

"Miriam had some heat exhaustion earlier today," Abe tells him evenly.

Lenny stops walking and stares at him.

"She's fine," Abe promises. "Mei took care of her-"

"Mei? She needed a doctor?"

"Lenny, she's been resting all evening," Abe assures the younger man. "She's feeling much better. Kitty has not left her side, and Rose has been in to keep an eye on her as well."

"Jesus fucking-" Lenny takes a breath and lets it out, aggravated.

"She's fine, Lenny," Abe repeats. "It was very hot today, and she did too much."

He shakes his head and stomps up to the house, opening the door quickly and finding the first floor empty, other than Rose.

"She's in bed, Lenny," she tells him as she looks up from a book. "She's doing much better now."

"Heat exhaustion?" he questions. "Abe said-"

Rose looks slightly guilty. "She was doing so well this morning, and we...may have taken that for granted. The weather got to her."

He drops his things on the floor and takes the stairs two at a time, heading into the master bedroom to find Midge curled up on top of the covers in a thin camisole. She sits up slowly, looking confused.

"Lenny? What happened to Boston?"

"The club caught on fire," he explains as he sits next to her on the bed.

"Oh, my god, were you in it?" Midge asks, looking panicked.

"No, it happened before I got there," he promises, before changing the subject. "Heat exhaustion?"

Midge gives him a sheepish look at she slowly sits up. "I got talked into a lot of activity today...Mei was right, I should have said no. This is my faul-"

He kisses her before she can get that last word out, holding her bare shoulders gently, and he lets her pull him closer; lets her tug at his tie to loosen it.

"I don't wanna talk about fault," he says quietly. "I just want you to be okay."

"I missed you," she admits softly against his lips. "I'm sorry about this."

Lenny takes a breath and brushes his nose against hers. "How about a little less running around, huh? A little more relaxing?"

Midge nods, stroking his neck gently. "I'm okay, Lenny. I promise."

He takes a breath and closes his eyes briefly. "Yeah. Yeah, I know. Still Just - one day where we just lay around? We can get meals with everyone but otherwise, let's just be lazy."

She pecks his lips gently. "You got it."

He nods and gets to his feet to change. "Should send Mei a fruit basket or something for helping."

"She apparently sat everyone down and yelled at them for talking me into doing so much," Midge says, laying back and watching him. "She and Joel have Ethan and Esther tonight. Kitty is either sleeping soundly or reading by flashlight."

"I'll go check in a little while," he promises.

"I know you had work, and it's a little selfish of me," Midge tells him softly. "But I'm so glad you're here."

Lenny grins and kisses her. "We'll have to send a fruit basket to that arsonist too."