Hey the dynamic between the human Raven Queen and her guardian is. buck wild. And fascinating actually. Because I'm not sure Purvaan. Knows. What he is missing. (That his charge is a god???). But I think he understands it, on a deep, fundamental level. And he remains a devout champion regardless. He has dedicated his life without regret, to protect her. It was the honor of his life, even as the world crumbles. He protected her and taught her as she grew up, is confident enough in her capabilities to choose to step away. He isn't sure that he succeeded- he can still sense something missing, something she is searching for that he could never help her find.
He has devoted his life to her, and that is why he steps away- because he can recognize when he becomes a liability instead of a guardian.
It was the honor of his life, to protect her, he says. He thinks he's failed, in some fundamental way. He asks- before, I leave you. My only question. was there anything else I could have done?
He think he failed his mission, in some way. It was, still, the honor of his life. His finite, mortal life, in a world seemingly abandoned by the gods. You have to decide how to spend your life. You have to decide how to spend your death. He failed. It was an honor.
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this is part 1 of my catholic guilt eddie/buddie wip! (working title)
i've previously posted small snippets here and here, but this one today is the opening scene!
At the end of the night, after Tommy swoops in and saves the day, delivering Chimney to the altar by chopper, after the vows and kisses are exchanged, after people have eaten and danced and drank and celebrated—
At the end of the night, Eddie finds Buck.
He’s standing alone at the edge of the garden, watching people dance. The party is starting to break up, the crowd thinning out. There’s something wistful and sad in Buck’s expression, and Eddie finds himself walking over to him before he even thinks about it.
“Where’s Tommy?”
The man had been here earlier. After the heroics, he had stayed for a while. Eddie had watched as he and Buck danced together without meaning to, drawn to the two of them slow dancing to the band Maddie hired. Eddie had caught Buck’s eye over Tommy’s shoulder and lifted his glass in a toast. Buck’s nose had crinkled in disgust. How are you drinking right now? he seemed to ask, which made Eddie’s stomach roll in turn, his hangover roaring back to life. He shook his head and pointed to the gatorade bottle on a nearby table. Eddie watched as Buck’s mouth went crooked like it did when he was trying not to laugh.
Tommy had glanced over his shoulder, then. There was something in his gaze when he made eye contact with Eddie, something calculating that had Eddie looking away.
He didn’t know what to do with the flush of embarrassment he felt. Like he had been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. He left them to it, slinking away to where Marisol was waiting for him inside.
Now, though, he’s standing with Buck alone.
“Tommy left.”
“He had to return the chopper, huh?” Eddie tries to joke, but Buck doesn’t react.
“He said…” He watches as Buck takes a deep breath. “Tommy and I—It’s not going to work out.”
Eddie doesn’t know what to do with that. “What? I thought you said the second date went well.”
“It did.”
“And then Tommy flew in here, delivering Chimney to save the day. I thought you’d be into all that knight in shining armor schtick.”
“I was. Am.”
“So?”
“It’s just… not going to work.”
“That sucks, I’m sorry man,” he says lamely. “I’d offer you a drink, but.” Buck doesn’t laugh. “Do you want to come over later?”
“I probably shouldn’t,” Buck says, and there’s — something in it that Eddie can’t identify.
“Maybe this weekend, then.”
“Listen,” Buck runs a hand through his hair. Eddie resists the urge to smooth it back down when it sticks up. “Tommy said something before he left, and I—I think he might be right.” There’s a pinched quirk to his lip. “He said that it wasn’t going to work out between us because it’s obvious I’m caught up in my feelings for someone else.”
There’s a whisper of a thought in the back of Eddie’s mind that fills him with dread; he refuses to think it. “Who, Natalia?”
“No.”
“Taylor, then.” It made the most sense, it had been Buck’s longest relationship. The sting of their breakup had lingered. Her betrayal of Buck’s trust had hurt them all, and even if Eddie never liked her, it’s obvious that Buck loved her. Even though the thought of her coming back into their lives made him want to vomit.
But Buck — Buck looks at him with this look in his eye, and he’s not, not sad but more regretful. He’s anxious. Eddie is suddenly, painfully aware that he doesn’t want to hear what Buck’s next words are.
Because he knows what Buck is going to say. He’s going to say it, he’s going to name the thing Eddie’s been so carefully avoiding. Their relationship has been a minefield for years, and Eddie has gotten extremely good at picking his next move carefully, but Buck is about to throw caution to the wind and take a daring step forward without watching where he places his feet.
He’s filled with so much dread in an instant, but he’s helpless to stop Buck as he’s opening his mouth to say:
“Eddie, I think I’m in love with you.”
Buck says the words, and nothing changes.
Everything changes, really, everything that matters anyway, but — it’s not the explosion of movement Eddie is expecting. It’s like the earth stands still. The party sounds fade to nothing, the twinkling lights frozen in time. Nothing moves. There’s no wind, no insects buzzing, nothing at all.
It feels monumental, like something should be shifting. Everything should be thundering with the weight of this moment, but. Nothing. It’s like a hush has fallen instead, the world taking a pause to watch them, waiting to see what happens next, and Eddie—
Eddie takes a step back.
He doesn’t know what Buck’s expression does because he very stoutly doesn't look at him.
“Eddie,” Buck says, but Eddie is already shaking his head and taking another step.
“I have to, um,” he doesn’t even come up with an excuse before he’s turning his back to Buck and walking away.
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