#tired of. well. being alive

[cherrysnax]

We always feel like we’re just piloting the body and not actually livin. it’s probably why we’re so ready to die

[ruporas]

can’t talk about it

[ID: Black and white comic of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The comic starts with the sounds "thud, thud, click". Vash, mid-action of peeling an apple, turns to the sound, noticing who it was that entered, and says, "Oh, Wolfwood, you're back." He resumes back to his apple in the next panel as he speaks, "Where'd you go? You snuck out of bed quickly this morning..." Wolfwood's hand then enters the panel, hovering over Vash's cheek and Vash looks up as Wolfwood asks, "Can I?" Vash responds, "Not going to talk about it?" while using a hand to gently hold Wolfwood's hovering hand and presses a kiss to his inner palm.

Vash then gets up fully, setting down the knife down on the table and the apple onto a plate, He leans into Wolfwood as Wolfwood explains, "Had to meet someone. Nothing interesting to talk about." Vash kisses Wolfwood's left cheek and a hand moves to cup his other cheek while muttering, "You're being vague." Wolfwood says neutrally, "If yer really that curious, keep askin'. We  can talk about that instead of doing this." Vash leans back and responds, "Let's talk after, since... You look so tired."

The panel pans to a close up of Wolfwood's downcast eyes, bags heavy underneath his eyes. He doesn't allow Vash to sit in that moment for long though, then saying, "Yer not helping, Spikey. Being all slow with it... I could fall asleep right now." He moves his hand to start unclasping Vash's coat, starting from his collar. Vash with red cheeks, responds briskly, "Oh, shut up. I'm worried about you. I can't be worried?"

The final shot shows Wolfwood's back to the viewer while Vash's softened expression can be seen as he holds gently onto the side of Wolfwood's face and a hand firm on his waist. Wolfwood responds, "I'm fine, seriously," pausing for a moment before continuing, "Is it okay to still..?" Vash responds, "Yeah, it's okay."

The next image is a shot from later that night after the previous comic. Vash and Wolfwood are now in bed, half naked. Wolfwood's buries his face into Vash's chest, his arms wrapped around him, while Vash is petting at his hair. Vash reminds him, "Hey. You said we'd talk about it." Wolfwood pauses for a moment before piping up, "In the morning? I'm sleepy." Vash says, "Okay..."

The next two pages start from the morning after. Wolfwood is already fully awake, pulling on his outer jacket as he says to Vash, whos' still bundled in his blankets, "Breakfast is on the table. Make sure to eat it. I'm going to grab some things in town and then we're leavin'. Got it?" Vash says, "Mh." Wolfwood responds, "Good. See ya in a bit." The dialogue starts to shift into Vash's inner thoughts now, as he gets up and eats toast, thinking, "Wait. Weren't we supposed to... talk about it?" The next shot then shows him fully up, meeting Wolfwood in town. He carries a half worried expression with him while Wolfwood slides on his glasses for him. A quick panel shows Wolfwood's tired expression from the night before and quickly juxtaposes with Wolfwood in front of him who's smiling gently, the shades covering his eye bags. Wolfwood asks him, "Still not awake yet?" Vash pauses, his thoughts stirring, thinking, "Oh. I guess I was getting ahead of myself... thinking you owe me that kind of honesty." He smiles at Wolfwood and responds, "I'm awake!" His thoughts continue, "Maybe one day, you'd trust me enough to share your burdens."

The final image shows Wolfwood pulling at Vash's cheek and Vash complains, "Owwwww why..." Wolfwood quickly says, "You were thinking something stupid, right? It's all over yer face." Vash mutters, "Nooo, I wasn't..." END ID]

[napping-sapphic]

really want a girl to hide me in her ridiculously oversized sweatshirt so i can be safe from The Problems™️

[thebirdandhersong]

we are all trying to reach home and belonging because we were made for something beyond this earth but why does it feel like some people have more access to that feeling right now

[edenorisshitposting]

Henlo

I don't do cross promotion a lot, but I'll make an exception this time.

I would appreciate it if you lads could share my latest Instagram post. I'm seeing a lot of anti Israeli/antisemitic sentiments online, and I feel like the world needs a reminder we're human.

In the link, are a few war time sketches I made during this insane time.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Noa Peled / Edenor (@noapeled_art)

[qumiiiquinnquin]

im scared to tell my psychiatrist i tried to end myself twice within a month (sep-oct). i dont know why i am. i have to call the office myself since im an adult now, but im really scared making phonecalls. i have to do it because its been since april that ive seen my psychiatrist but i have to do it. i dont know when ill do it, im too scared. that fear frustrates my family a lot. i feel like im already a failure of an adult and will continue to be like that forever.

today was mostly good, just uneventful until this evening. but now im feeling depressed and i want to cry until i cant anymore, but i cant cry, so i just feel bad. i dont feel tired so i dont want to sleep, but its almost midnight so i should soon. im feeling stressed out about needing to call the psychiatrist's office, so i dont feel like i can relax at all.

ive just been feeling bad a lot lately but thats not new, i say think that to myself every other week or so. whats making me sad the most right now is hating my art. i dont have any confidence in my art but i want to get better, but i dont think i ever will. i will always have mediocre talent, no matter how hard i try. i keep thinking about burning my physical art and either deleting my digital art or just even destroying my laptop, though the latter is very excessive, but i still think about it every now and then out of frustration. i want to give up but i really dont know what else id do, ive always drawn since i was very little, its always made me happy. i really want to not care how upset stopping would make people, including myself, but if i dont stop out of just purely giving up, i probably will stop because i k!lled myself.

every day is feeling the same, it even felt that way when classes were still going. i got so used to the schedule that i got used to the systematic cycle. i partially dont want classes to start again because of that, its boring and the amount of work is stressful, im just going to go back to breaking down and nearly attempting from stress and lack of confidence that i can really do this, that i can really power through and get the degree i want. i keep getting told im smart and always work hard, but that really doesnt mean anything now. being and doing those things doesnt suddenly mean that because of those things, ill survive the stress. it only actually makes it worse, like im ridiculous for feeling the pressure and have the mental health collapses that i do because of college, that im not trying hard enough and am lazy.

for some reason the desire for love has been on my mind and i dont know why, youve seen the pathetic longing things i say about romance. right now i feel like i am missing out and am a failure by societal standards for not even have dated in my life, and i still dont have a partner at 18 years old. i feel extremely lonely to the point that seeing other couples makes me depressed, which is probably selfish of me. i feel like and believe now that i will always be alone. i know i am not beautiful to anyone, i know i am not funny, i am not interesting, im a pain in the ass, im too much to deal with and am just unlovable in general. i hate feeling this way, i never cared about romance or relationships and have always been repulsed at the idea of me ever being loved romantically or being in a relationship. i feel stupid. i feel like a jerk. i feel like i deserve to be alone forever, and i really do. or maybe, just end myself, if im so unlovable in every way, then why not just weed myself out? whoever takes my place will be much more worth it than i ever could be. its so stupid thinking about myself d*ing from a broken heart. "just grow up, sad excuse of a grown adult." (in quotes because its a direct thought to myself towards myself, nobody else)

i really doubt everything will get better, ive felt this same exact way for 3 years now. sad, burntout, stressed, like im nothing but a problem for my family, a burden and waste of time to be around or talk to or care about. i did attempt once in 2021 but failed, obviously im still alive. i really want to try again. im really scared of pain, so im trying to find the quickest way or the least painful option. if i just call, i can get different meds or a different dosage and i wont feel this terrible. im so childish for an adult to be unable to make a fucking phonecall. i feel like next year might be it, im not sure why i get that feeling, but i dont have any reason to keep going. im not looking forward to anything. nothing is really that fun or exciting, i just try to distract myself. i know im not wanted, and im too difficult for my family.

its now a half hour after midnight because im incapable of shutting the fuck up. i might just lay down and watch youtube or cry myself to sleep, whichever happens first

[needylittlegirl]

being a little lover girl is awful because why do i remember every single thing about people. you can say something so small teeny tiny offhand and i’ll remember it. but i dont think anybody does the same for me?? i dont think people are ever as devoted to me as i am to them

[dirtytransmasc]

grieving is getting fucking sick of people. it's getting sick of being around people. it's getting sick of having distant family and family friends around. I know they want to grieve too, they want to show their support, they have their own shit going on but like.... I am frustrated, I am frustrated that I need to share space and grief and emotion with people that aren't my direct family, that I need to support their grief alongside my families, my aunt's.

grief is having feelings you're guilty about, being angry and nasty and dark.

[cuz-reasons]

What if I exploded? What then?

[artnerd1123]

Ouuuuugh. Blorbos

[satans-knitwear]

.

[yesyourstalker]

Mahi: hello?

Neta: Hey Mahi don't come into work today. Don't come into work tomorrow or the day after that.

Mahi: Why what's happening?

Neta: *sigh* turn on the news..... I swear it's always me.

News channel: salmonoids have invaded the barnacle and dime mall. We advise everyone to steer clear of the surrounding area. Volunteers and employees of the grizz-co company must arrive as soon as possible to fix the issue. We will keep you all updated on further information we'll receive. In other news is turf war...... ruining our kids education??

Mhai: holy shit!! The whole mall is flooded!!.... Thank fuck we're on the second floor!!

Neta: *sigh*.............. We're still going to get damaged..... The mall is going to smell like salmon shit for weeks........ Anyway I got to head out. I just got my slop suit.

Mahi: what you work for grizz-co??

Neta: No, I'm volunteering. I just want to protect my store! I work way too hard just for it to go-

Cirrina: Aunt Candi's here can we go?!

Neta: yeah I'm coming Sweetie! Yeah I got to head out. Bye.

_______________________________________________

Mahi: mizole babe, let's go.

Mizole: We're going to raid Neta's apartment?

Mahi: yep

* texting *

Mahi: Warabi get up our boss is not home let's break in

Warabi: can't Neta is making me do a shift at Grizz's I'm getting overtime

Mahi: :/ fine is Baja still there?

Warabi: you mean my boyfriend ;p <3

Mahi:..[typeing]..... [Typing].................. Yee

Warabi: no he's with me

Mahi:.... [Typing]........ [Typing]..... Ok

_______________________________________________

Mizole: you know I expected his place to be a lot shittier......

Mahi: Right? I expected it to be like some sort of depression cave or something.

Mizole: hmm.... So what do you do anyway when you're here?

Mahi: nothing much. Watch TV, play his Nintendo, eat his leftovers, go through his shit........ find some really nice stuff. I took a nice t-shirts and a pair of his old sneakers. They don't fit but they're really nice....... There's a lot of interesting stuff if you look for it.

Mizole:...........hm..... .. If I take the base do you think he's going to notice?

Mahi: put that down. I'm not planning on attending your funeral if you do something stupid.

Mizole: boooooo Mahi stop being such a killjoy I thought you said we can steal whatever we want.

Mahi: I meant stuff he won't miss!

Mizole: what's in this drawer- UH!.....uhhahahahahahahahha! how about this?! You think he'll notice this being gone?!

Mahi: *slams close* I didn't see that! I'm erasing that from my memory. lets go down stairs.

Mizole: hehehehe....I mean it'll be funny-

Mhai: SHUT UP!.......... I saw nothing!...... Let's go.

_______________________________________________

Mizole: *eating * so.......... Baja. I guess he's here to stay?

Mahi: ugh yeah.. I guess....... He got a job at the Annaki store and is planning on moving here. ..... Pffth

Mizole: Hey, I mean if we're lucky the salmons will destroy the mall and he'll be out of the job.

Mahi: I'll be out of the job too.

Mizole: you got me, don't you? Heheh.. [kiss]

Mahi: I want my own money.........

Mizole: you don't like Baja?

Mahi: It's not that I don't like him...I like him, he's cool. It's fun to boss him around and tell him what to do. Since he's getting close to Warabi....*eating* They're dating now.......... He's going to be around more often.

Mizole: knowing Warabi. It'll probably be 2 months

Mahi:hehe...... What if Baja wants to move in? We have to buy another mattress... He won't be next to me.. What if Warabi wants to move out again? I'll be here by myself........ again........ what if he forgets me and replaces me with Baja.? A taller better looking vers-

Mizole: *eating* Babe shut up that's not going to happen. Ok? Warabi loves you. He's not just going to replace you with that weenie. I mean look at him....... Look at him Mahi! You can punch him in the face and he'll probably apologize to you! You worry too much babe you'll be fine....... And besides if he moves out you can move in with me.

Mahi: really?... Are we really at that stage?

Mizole: I feel like we are. It's a nice upgrade too, an apartment to a big house in the hills. What do you think?

Mahi: .... ... That sounds nice...... really nice.............. nice big house... We need to keep them together.

Mizole:hahahahahaha.....

_______________________________________________

Warabi: okay, just jiggle the pick. I know there's like three notches annnnnd I.... got it! ..... I knew you guys were going to be here!

Baja: are you at least a little worried that he might find out about this?.......... Oh hello

Mahi: hey

Mizole: hm

Baja: you must mizole.... You're the front man of what floor!

Mizole: and?

Baja: I'm a big fan of yours. When Mahi told me that they were dating you. I was really excited to meet you. I've been following your work for a long time. I was a big fan of you when you were with 'the deep sea divers'

Mizole: Yeah I have a lot of fans that's what happens when you have a tale- you know about the deep sea divers?

Baja: yeah! I saw you guys playing at the conch shell club 8 years ago.... Your first rendition of undertow amazing. I mean I like the final cut of it but your first draft was art!

Mizole:.......... You actually like that?

Baja: yeah!... they had a lot of personality in it. Why did you change it? It was so rugged and aggressive now it's all polished now which I love but the original one had such character

Mizole:............... Wow.....uh.......*humph*. You know heh .... when I got signed to a label they wanted a specific genre and all that....hehehe..........* Inhale* ...... What's with the bag and why is it moving?

Baja: oh They're salmonoids. I got some during my volunteer shift at grizz-co. Got a lot of these little guys. I like to eat them raw.....*eating* I got them for you mahi ait tons of them during my shift.

Mahi: nice! Thanks I like to eat them raw too...*eating* They're juicer too

Warabi: *ugh* I can never get used to that.......Any of y'all know Neta 's finflixs password?

Mhai: bassbaba@86

_______________________________________________

Mahi: okay so what's the plot of this?

Warabi: okay, so it takes place during the great turf war. Two soldiers one inkling and one octoling who grew up together and are childhood best friends. And the story switches from backstory to backstory until it goes all the way to present day and then it all comes together during the end of the movie. It's really sad like it's so sad.

Baja: Oh I saw this... We had to watch it in school

Mizole: eh

Neta: Why are y'all in my apartment?!

Mahi: *eat* hey boss. you look like shit.......

Baja: AHHHHH... I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I told myself that I wouldn't do this again and I did it again. I'm really sorry I'm so sorry!

Mizole: would you get the fuck up! Stop kissing his ass. It's not going to do shit!

Neta:..................*sigh*........*moan*........... I can't do this today .....*sniff*...... What are you watching?

Warabi: 'war-torn brothers'

Neta: The one based off the book?

Warabi: yeah.....

Neta:............ Cici order something to eat and take a shower okay baby?

Cirrina: ok....You didn't go to my room did you?

Mizole/mahi: no

Cirrina: good Don't want your grody hands all over my stuff.......... Unless it's you baja hi!!

Baja: *waves*

Neta: I'm going to go take a nap......... Maybe have a nice hot bath first........Yeah that sounds nice.......... Nobody bother me and all y'all need to get out of my place by 6!

______________________________________________

Mahi and the gang did not leave around 6 they left around 11 but Neta didn't notice. The minute he got out of the tub he passed out @fish-at-fish-fish-resort

[ketavinsky]

i mean who is ever going to love me that much again

[netherzon]

I want to write a soulmate au sometime. It’s one of my favorite tropes, personally, and I don’t remember there being that many of them for America/Germany

[ereh-emanresu-tresni]

.

[outlying-hyppocrate]

i'm on vacation in italy and. i was essentially walking around in the sun for about? three hours? fuck. sorry to make a luke black reference but. i just want to sleep forever