#to be as in to exist as in to have reason as in acknowledged as in to know peace

[tornad001]

@etz-ashashiyot idk about "forced-birther shrieking", its more like if a doctor were to acknowledge that pregnancy is inherently risky and that there's no way to do it risk-free, but that there's still things you can do that make it safer/more dangerous as the case may be. and they're telling this to someone who's so freaked out about the risks associated with their pregnancy that they keep chain-smoking for the anxiety, thus increasing their risk of something going wrong.

at every possible point over the past 70 years, the modern military state of Israel has been the one with the power to control how things go. their continued pattern of delegitimizing reasonable alternatives to militant extremism is why we're in the situation we're in. they could choose to comport themselves in a way thats becoming of a fully modernized state with a strong enough monopoly on violence to at the very least keep their people safe. but they don't, cuz they don't wanna be a fully modernized state, they want to live under a brutal system of apartheid.

so long as there exists a state which is performing a genocide by Jews and in the name of Jews, we will be unsafe, both in Israel and in the diaspora. if only Israel didn't have a vested interest in maintaining the lie that they speak for or act on behalf of all Jews globally. if only it wasn't in the geopolitical interests of the state of Israel to conflate at every opportunity anti-zionism with anti-semitism. if only u weren't out here buying their propaganda wholesale and repeating it for them. if Israel wanted the Jewish diaspora to not be isolated, marginalized, and ultimately murdered, they could take steps to mitigate that, as they could've done for 70 years now. but thats not the path they chose. Israel wants diaspora Jews to be isolated, marginalized, and murdered, cuz it makes it easier to bring them back to "the homeland" where their previous persecution can be turned into further fuel for the genocidal apartheid system, which is the one and only thing Israel seems actually motivated to fight to maintain, cuz Jewish safety is clearly not their priority

If it was really "anti-Zionism and not antisemitism" then you would be working your tuchus off to make the diaspora safe for all Jews, especially Israeli ex-pats. You would be bending over backwards to demonstrate (against the great weight of historical evidence) that the diaspora is safe, that there is no need for Jewish sovereignty, that we can totally trust our neighbors to have learned - or at a minimum, that the majority will step in to stop any antisemitic violence before it gained traction.

Instead, you repeat this antisemitic Soviet propagandist slogan designed from the start to isolate, marginalize, and ultimately murder Jews, because that is your goal. If it's actually not your goal and you are offended that I would suggest it is, then you need to sit down, learn some Jewish history, and shut the fuck up until you understand why and how you got sucked into a hate movement that supports another Holocaust.

[tobesolnelyx]

S3 vampire Shauna🤤please please feed us more!

(Also can I be 💫 anon?)

— drain me! || vampire!shauna shipman headcanons

a/n: hi 💫anon!! i hear you guys and i need her just as badly <3

summary: ancient fucker, who decided to annoy you for another eternity. toxic!shauna. vampire!reader.

warnings: NSFW - content MDNI. mid gore. toxic relationship.

★ — you don't really want to know her real age. the number would scared you, trust me. she basically can't settle down. met few girls, been with them. but everytime, when she turned someone else to a vampire, they would simply run away from her. which is completely reasonable if you ask me. until she came to that shithole, Wiskayok in New Jersey and met you. you, who seemed to be so kind, so painfully human that she started feeling ugly jealousy. she didn't know if she wanted to be you or be with you.

★ — she came up with a diffrent tactic. decided that if previous relationship ended awfully, she'll make everything properly this time. properly in her terms, of course. which meant showing up in your room late at night, feeding on you. one night she simply lost herself. she bit you and make you swallow her own blood. so yeah, next day you were a mess.

★ — shauna, who proritised making you utterly dependent from her. she wanted to control you, keep you close. she pretended that she had no idea, who turned you, and basically decided to play this hero, who shows you how to live with that whole vampire thing now (read: you're fucked)

★ — shauna, who wears flannels everwhere in any weather to not get burned. sometimes uses bandanas on her head, and sunglasses. she says that they make her look cool or smth, but you doubt that.

★ — she feeds on people, saying that they're more nutritious and taste better than animals. you always grimace at that, it's not exactly ethical in your mind, but she stopped caring long time ago. she flirst with mortals only to drag them later to the bedroom and devour them.

★ — shauna, who introduce you to the real pleasure. when she urges you to feed on her for the first time, you're hesistant. is it even...right? but she pulls you on her lap with this ridicoulous strength and speed. you wrap around her, her hands guides yours to touch her pulse point, and you almost drool yourself. you hear soft thumping of her heart, feel tempting body under your fingertips, and you barely register the moment when your fangs are fully out.

★ — shauna, who helps you ride her thigh, while you suck her blood. she's precise, pressing you against her just right. you whine in her skin, smearing blood all over your mouth. she's done this so many times, and still - her hips jerk with each movement of your lips. she's groaning, head thrown back in ecstasy.

★ — she's...sassy. ovedramatic and whiny. mind her, she's been so long on this world that she's bored. but at the same time, she refuses to even acknowledge new technology. mostly gets frustrated with that. "shauna it's..." you start, but she cuts you off with a scoff. "it's total bullshit" she rolls her eyes not even looking at the app you're showing her. "back in time it didn't even exist and everyone were just fine."

★ — bites. bites. bites. obviously, she's a vampire. but she loves biting you just to taste you, your blood, your skin. not exactly to feed on you, but she has this strange desire to feel you on her tongue constantly.

★ — possessive. long story short, she'll either kill or turn into a meal anyone, who will try to flirt with you. good luck with having friends. she'll feed on them anyway. you don't need other people, right? just her.

★ — has a power of manipulaton. she was great at gaslighting before, sure. but now, anytime you try to walk away, cause she's starting to do fucked up shits, she uses that strength. the worst part? you know that this sweet tone of hers means that you're being awfully manipulated , but you stay anyway. you can't just walk away.

"baby," she murmurs cupping your face, making sure you're looking her right in the eyes. her smile seems almost poisonous. "you don't really want to leave me, do you?" she brushes your cheekbones and presses kiss to the corner of your mouth.

"you're mine," she'll tell you later. "you were never not mine," she'll whisper to your ear.

★ — oversensitive. better smell, hearing, eyesight (especially in the darkness. her eyes are glowing deep red). has constant headaches and gets easily overstimulated. seems like she's never got used to being hyperaware of everything. she lays on bed on worst days, sighning dramatically and rambling something about endless suffering.

[transformersconfessions]

There are legitimate reasons to criticize or dislike IDW and ES but I haaaate how homophobic dudebros of the TF fandom ride on the hate train for petty reasons like ES acknowledging pronouns or IDW having canonical LGBT representation. I love IDW and ES and I can recognize when its shitty at times, but if I openly speak about it, there's gonna be some bitch going ,,,yeah its so ass glad everyone hates idw now/es was cancelled. we dont need woke shit infecting our franchise''' like no this isnt a space for you to parade your shitstain of an existence everywhere go back to the garbage you crawled out of 🙄

*

[creatingblackcharacters]

So I've recently been thinking about one of the characters in an existing story of mine and the more I think about how she's developed, the more I worry that the way I'm portraying her might make her seem like she's falling into the "strong Black woman" stereotype.

Long story short, but she's the leader of a small community and she had that role thrust upon her a long time ago by the goddess she worships due to her having been the eldest person there at the time. She's like, very depressed and traumatized due to events that happened in another story of mine (for which she is the protagonist), but because she is the leader of the community she isn't open about her problems with anyone besides her adopted nephew and chooses to put on a brave face so that she doesn't "scare" the people who rely on her. Which is kind of ironic because a part of her trauma response is being kind of strict about her people associating with another religious group. However, her "brave face" is definitely not on 24/7 and she has days where she doesn't leave her room due to really bad episodes to depression/PTSD, during which we get to be in her POV and see how she feels.

This is definitely not portrayed as a good thing, and her problems are acknowledged and not underplayed, even addressed in her own arc where she opens up to the main character (a South Asian woman who is sort of a familt friend) about it. I know you've said previously that treating stereotypes like a checklist is unhelpful, so I looked at her character myself and really I do think that I've written her as a well-rounded character with fleshed out relationships, strengths, and weaknesses, but I do still sort of wonder if regardless of that it's still not a good idea just on principle.

There's not much I can say here. You claim that you've written her as a well rounded character, and you've given reason to her facade of strength, so what makes you think that she's the stereotype? Break down the stereotype itself. What are you falling into that make it feel that way? Because never writing a complex Black woman is not the solution either.

[kaltain-1]

???

Honestly don’t know what this is. Will I continue this? Maybe but I have way too much projects right now. Also a major spoiler for book 7 is in this.

Word Count: 696

  Yuu walked down the stairs slowly. Grim was still asleep, it was better that way. They could feel their breath speeding up. Yuu took one of their shaking hands and wiped their eyes. It was moist. Dang it. Again? 

  Yuu passed their guardian’s room. They had heard before all contact was banned that he was an old worker for S. T. Y. X. That would explain a lot actually. He was strict, he also reminded Yuu of Riddle… Yuu missed Riddle. Yuu missed them all actually. Grim did too.

  What was Yuu even doing? They themselves didn’t even know. Maybe something to stop the aching in their heart and bones. 

  Soon they reached the entrance. Did they really want to do this? Did Mr. Plutus put a tracker on them? Maybe some sort of magic thing? Either way Yuu opened the front door. 

  Slowly the teen stepped out into the chilly night air. The only lights being the stars.

  There was a lake near the house. Yuu liked the lake, it reminded them of that camp they went to with the boys. Sure that turned into a disaster but it was the thought that counts. 

   Yuu sat down near the lake as the tears boiled over. “Why?” 

Prefect of Ramshackle.

Herbivore.

Potato.

Shrimpy.

Child of Man.

   They missed them all. And they ruined it. They ruined everything because of what they did. They didn’t want to ruin everything. They just wanted them to actually acknowledge their existence. But now it doesn’t matter because they will never see them again. At least they still had Grim.

  Yuu should be getting back now. If Mr. Plutus knew that they were out; they would be in trouble. They got up… slowly like they wanted to buy their time. Perhaps it was a good thing that they walked so slow. If Yuu didn’t then they would have tripped over the box right in front of them. Where did that box come from? It wasn’t there when Yuu came here.

   They looked at the box. It wasn’t anything special. Just a simple wooden box that you could store things in. Except for the fact that the Night Raven College emblem was in the middle.

  NRC… Yuu felt a smile spread across their face. At that point they never expected to see the emblem again. Which makes their next move much more reasonable; and that was picking the box up and bolting back towards the house. 

   Once they got there they slowed down a bit to make as little noise as possible. If Mr. Plutus woke up then Yuu would be in so much trouble.

  Up the stairs and down the hall, Yuu barely breathed till they reached their room. 

  The teen sat down on their bed across from Grim who was still fast asleep. Yuu put the box down right in front of them. This is it. Yuu opened the box immediately. Then Yuu regretted it immediately. 

  Inside the box was a letter. Save yourself, save them all. Was all it said. Below the letter was… seven dolls? They looked like the ball joined dolls Yuu’s cousin used to collect. But the shocking part was who the dolls resemble… no it's a perfect replica of the seven people who overbloted. Azul’s mole and even Malleus’s broken horn. Did… did someone make dolls of the boys? 

   There was something Yuu was missing but they did want to keep the dolls. They would never see the boys again after all. Mr. Plutus did say that in a few years Grim and them would be allowed to leave but with new identities and we’re not allowed to step foot on Sage’s Island. So it wouldn’t hurt to have something to remember them by. They’ll show Grim tomorrow. Though they would have to hide it from Mr. Plutus. He doesn’t want them to have reminders of the past. 

  Yuu was holding up the Leona one when they realized something. The doll's eyes moved. It watched Yuu no matter what direction they turned it. Yuu slowly lifted the doll up to their ear. It had a heartbeat. 

  Oh… oh no. These aren’t replicas. These aren’t dolls.

[k-s-morgan]

why are you writing out the twin element of the black butler plot for gentle slopes? sorry if you talked about it before, i must've missed it. just really curious about your thought process!! keep up the great work, thank you so much for sharing your wonderful writing with us always

Another ask: Hello, I hope you are well. I was wondering why you don't read the Black Butler manga? After all, the story there is much more advanced than in the anime, and the drawing is great, like all the arcs.

----

Hi! These asks arrived together, so even if different people sent them, I hope it's ok if I group them.

I don't write about the twins because Ciel is the only child in the anime (at least in the series that were animated when I watched them). Specifically, he doesn't have a brother in S1 and S2, and there are no overly clear indications of it in BoC, BoM, and BoA.

About why I stick to anime and not to manga: there are honestly so many reasons for this. First, I don't like the format of manga & comic books in general. I tried to get into different stories at different times, and it never worked for me. I always feel like there is too little text for me to enjoy myself properly - I just can't get truly invested.

Also, the manga is endless, with a huge number of arcs and characters, while the anime has a clearly defined plot and a limited number of protagonists. I prefer the latter; I also prefer finished stories in general because I like to know the ending before starting anything. I love the ending of S2 tremendously, and I'm excited to work with it.

I still hope to try reading the manga someday, but I don't want to mix up the key characterization details between these different versions of Ciel and Sebastian either.

Finally, I tend to hate any kind of plots with twins and with relatives who come back after being presumed dead. It's just a personal thing - I acknowledge how interesting the existence of RealCiel is for OurCiel's development, but I still like the plot where he's the only child better.

[a-god-in-ruins-rises]

no. i’m not missing the point. you are.

"it would be more intellectually honest to just say 'this speaks to me more'."

first of all, literally my very first line includes "for me personally the most compelling argument..." what do you think that means? is that not just another way of saying "this speaks to me more"? i am speaking for myself from the beginning. explaining what is most compelling "for me personally" and i don't expect it to be equally compelling to everyone. but it will probably be compelling for people who share my priors, values, instincts, intuitions, sense of the sacred, etc. so what is your point?

"by arguing from within a paradigm you already believe to be true."

everyone argues from within a paradigm they believe to be true. you can’t make any argument at all without presupposing some framework of evaluation. pretending you're above paradigms is just pretending. the question isn't "are they paradigms" it's which paradigms are more plausible given the way the world actually is? acknowledging that paradigms exist doesn't mean you can't evaluate which are more plausible, intuitive, reasonable, life-affirming, accessible, testable, resilient, natural, derivable from baseline experience, universal, has more explanatory power, or even elegance or aesthetic appeal. or a hundred other different metrics.

my point that not all paradigms are equal. you're trying to pretend there is epistemic symmetry between the pagan worldview and the christian one and there simply isn't.

yes, obviously paganism is a paradigm. the point is it’s a minimally assumed, empirically entangled, recurringly emergent paradigm. like...almost inevitable. it arises in kids. it arises in cultures isolated by oceans. it arises before writing. it arises without being taught. it even arises in religions that nominally denounce paganism. there’s a reason the ur-impulse of religion is animistic. it’s just what brains do when faced with thunder, hunger, sex, and death. and i think that points to something real about humans and the structure of reality.

meanwhile, christianity does not ever just spontaneously arise in people. no one, in isolation, just organically arrives at the garden of eden and the fall of man or the concept of jesus' sacrifice and resurrection and its implications or even jesus himself or the trinity or whatever other propositional statements that are necessary to believe. like yeah sure, if someone already accepts the premise that "truth comes from divine revelation through a single historical figure," then sure, christianity is viable. but that's a huge epistemic ask. you're staking your entire cosmology on someone else having heard something once.

saying “nature is theophanic” (i.e. reveals the divine) is categorically different than “this scroll from 1800 years ago is true because some guy from this one particular culture claims to have witnessed a miracle that defies all known laws of reality says so.” one is in principle testable and reproducible by any human anywhere (and has been by independent cultures and individuals across time and space); the other is none of those things but also is historically and culturally contingent. epistemically, that’s night and day. the epistemic foundations here are not symmetrical.

"'if it wasn't for someone to transmit it, no one would believe it.' – yeah, you just described the premise of the religion."

firstly, saying "you just described the premise of the religion" is a non-argument when the premise itself is under scrutiny. secondly, exactly. and that’s my point. it’s an argument against the universal plausibility of christianity. not a logical contradiction, but an epistemic fragility. a religion that hinges on highly specific historical contingencies and texts is simply more fragile than one that emerges spontaneously and independently across cultures. this doesn’t make it false, sure, but it does matter when evaluating comparative plausibility. revelation is a higher bar to clear than intuitive, empirical experience. if you need a book and a missionary, your religion isn't self-evident. but paganism is.

preliterate societies from every corner of the earth develop spirit cults, ancestor worship, elemental gods, etc. this is data. the inference is: this reflects something structural about the world and human experience with it. maybe it says something about the kind of creatures we are and the kind of cosmos we’re in. if everyone everywhere arrives at something like paganism without being told, and no one anywhere arrives at christianity without being told, that’s a material difference in how those systems operate.

you keep saying “you’re arguing from within your own paradigm,” but that assumes there’s no baseline, no ground-state human intuition. but there is. that’s what i’m pointing to. not “paganism is true because it’s derivable from nature,” but “paganism emerges spontaneously from the interaction between human consciousness and the world.” that doesn’t make it true in the logical sense, sure, but it does make it foundational and, for me personally, this counts in its favor. christianity has to argue against those instincts to be believed. paganism flows with them.

"why should someone accept that something derivable from nature is divinely true rather than just ordinary?"

first of all, i'm not terribly concerned with why someone "should" accept anything. it's like asking "why should someone accept the sky is blue/the sun is hot/water is wet" or whatever. like...it doesn't really make any difference. paganism isn't a propositional faith. it doesn't hinge on people believing some particular set of beliefs.

second of all, why wouldn't accept that? this is my whole point. that "nature is theophanic" is and has always been the default assumption of virtually all people throughout history. it suggests that we are, in our raw state, oriented toward experiencing the world as being imbued with divinity. christianity/abrahamism is the divergence. the burden of proof is on christians/abrahamists to prove why we shouldn't believe it. plus, asking “why should i accept that” is already operating in a christian (or rationalist) frame where the sacred has to be argued for rather than lived and experienced. it’s not about some logical proof that the natural is divine. it’s about the perception that the natural is saturated with divine significance. that is, a different mode of knowing. i don't need a logical proof to know the sky is blue. i know it's blue because i perceive it as such.

"it's universal therefore it is true"

lmao nice straw man. i never said that universality = truth, i’m saying derivability = robustness. and robustness is a better foundation for systems intended to explain reality and orient the human condition than “believe this very specific, historically contingent hearsay or perish.”

i'm saying: look at the ontological substrate from which religious intuition naturally emerges. paganism arises as a spontaneous human response to the world-as-it-is -- experiential, embodied, phenomenological. christianity, by contrast, is a historically-mediated system of abstract propositions requiring assent to secondhand testimony. that’s a real epistemic distinction. it's a real difference in how each religion knows, justifies, and relates to truth. paganism is first-order, immediate, and participatory. christianity is second-order, mediated, and doctrinal.

and just while we're on the subject: i reject notions of some absolute, universal capital-T Truth. so i would never say so plainly that "universal = true." i'm working from a pragmatist/perspectivist frame: truth as something emergent, contextual, contingent. not absolute, but also not arbitrary. "truth" gets "triangulated" via recurrence, convergence, applicability, survivability, etc. so when something shows up cross-culturally, independently, and repeatedly, that suggests it's tracking something real.

"what you're doing is basically begging the question, and a classic example of that"

my argument is not “it’s true because it’s in nature,” but “its appearance in nature is evidence in its favor.” that’s abductive reasoning, not circular reasoning. you’re acting like i’m begging the question by trusting shared reality, but that’s just doing induction. it’s inductive-abductive. if the divine is real and universally relevant, then it should be visible in the shared, universal medium: nature. no one needs to believe a specific person to notice that death, rebirth, sacrifice, fertility, etc., appear as themes in basically every religion. but everyone needs to believe a specific person to believe that jesus was the son of god who rose from the dead and redeemed all sin for all time.

and your whole “lol you’re just sad the universe is cold” jab? yeah. exactly. the intuition that a disenchanted world is lacking something isn’t a logic error -- it’s a value judgement based on a moral perception. the same one that underwrites all myth-making, all art, all ritual. you want to treat that as irrelevant? cool. that's your prerogative. enjoy your sterile frame. but don’t pretend it’s more "intellectually honest" to amputate half of the human experience so you can larp as an objective observer.

"all im saying is you dont make a compelling, logically sound, or intellectually honest argument."

oh shit guys. m41-d doesn't think i make a compelling, logically sound, or intellectually honest argument! (he is definitely the arbiter of what is compelling, logically sound, and intellectually honest btw)

you know what's really funny? "logically sound"? why would soundness even be relevant to anything i'm saying in the first place? do you just throw that phrase around to make yourself sound smart or something? where did i even try to make a deductive argument? also please point specifically to where i'm being intellectually dishonest? the one who isn't being intellectually honest here is you because you tell me "it would be more intellectually honest to just say 'this speaks to me more'." and that's literally what i did in the very first line of my original argument. and now here you are making absolute claims about what is or isn't "compelling, logically sound, and intellectually honest."

don't you think it would be more intellectually honest of you to say "it doesn't speak to me personally"? lmao

In your opinion what is the best argument in favor of paganism and against christianity?

well for me personally the most compelling argument has always just been the fact that paganism seems naturally derivable. whereas christianity seems historically contingent and depends on imported concepts you can’t derive from nature itself.

i've always used the example of a child on a desert island, for example. i think all (at least most) children have some innate propensity for "paganism." i know i certainly did. the world felt alive and full of spirits. i believed every rock and tree and the wind and the sun all had souls and names and personalities. the tree in my front yard was one of my best friends growing up. i thought she was a person. i would talk to her and she would talk back and i'd leave her gifts (offerings) and so on. no one taught me to do this. it was just my instinct. and so i think a child born and raised on a desert island with no contact with any religion would naturally derive its own pagan religion where it would believe in a god or spirit of the sea, of the sun, of fire, of thunder, etc. maybe the child would have different names for them, but i think the same essence will be there. i think the fact that paganism has developed independently all over the world gives testament to this idea.

meanwhile, there's basically no way this child could have independently invented christianity. the only way the child could become christian is if it had access to the bible or access to someone who has read the bible. but it couldn't naturally derive the existence of jesus, his life, his teachings, his sacrifice, the trinity, sin, salvation, israel, king david, the covenants, etc just from nature alone. it asks you to believe a long list of abstract metaphysical claims that are only coherent if you accept a massive cultural and textual inheritance.

christianity hinges on propositional faith. it’s epistemically fragile. if you stop believing, the whole thing collapses. in that sense, it’s brittle. paganism doesn’t care what you believe. the sun still rises. paganism begins with what is. it arises from direct encounter: storms, blood, sunlight, hunger, fire, love, death, childbirth, cycles, etc. you don’t believe in the river spirit or the sun god. you experience it. you speak to it. you make offerings. you relate. belief is beside the point. it’s a practice, not a theology. you participate in it by living inside its world.

paganism roots the sacred in the world; christianity uproots it. it imposes a single abstract, universal god who exists outside the world and demands exclusive loyalty. it flattens the ontological landscape into a spiritual desert where gods and spirits are made into nothing but superstition or heresy, leaving behind a disenchanted cosmos where the divine is distant, and nature is just raw material. one invites you to live with the world; the other to escape it.

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

Occasionally I find it mildly annoying when Palpatine is posited as the one Anakin had always trusted the most, tbh. There's a noticeable shift in how he interacts with Obi Wan and Palpatine in between aotc and rots, and there's an obvious reason why: the events of aotc themselves. He and Obi Wan had plenty of friction, but they were still close, and Anakin did in fact confide in him in his grumpy teenager way. About his feelings for Padme, about his worries for his mother. It's after his trip to Tatooine that he turns to Palpatine instead.

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

[CN] Li Zeyan’s Candlelight Date (Eng Translation)

⌚Warning⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 烛火之约, that is yet to be released on the global server! ♡

[Translation Under the Cut]

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

【Subbed Video】

─────────────

【Chapter 1】 

After being stuck in traffic for over forty minutes on the way to the airport, I slam on the brakes once again, staring in despair at the unmoving stream of cars ahead. 

The weather outside is gloomy, the sky overcast with heavy dark clouds, and the wind howls through the crevices of the car windows. 

Even though the evening has barely fallen, the sky is already darkened completely. 

MC: Feels like it’s gonna be pouring hard... 

MC: I don’t know if Li Zeyan’s flight has been affected. 

Just as I am about to look up the flight information, his call comes in. 

LZY: I’ve arrived. 

MC: That’s great! It looks like there’s gonna be a heavy downpour outside, so thank goodness you landed on time. 

MC: On the downside, though, I’m stuck in traffic... 

LZY: Given the weather, I could guess that already. 

LZY: Don’t rush, safety first. Turn on your headlights and take your time. 

MC: Don’t worry, I promise to follow the traffic rules~ So, I must apologize to CEO Li and ask him to wait for me a little longer~ 

LZY: No worries, I’ll just take this time to think about what to make for Pudding. 

The day Li Zeyan is returning from his business trip also happens to be Pudding’s birthday, and we’ve planned to have a small celebration at home. 

As I picture Li Zeyan making a birthday cake for the little kitten, the corners of my lips involuntarily curl upwards. 

MC: Pudding’s parents are so thoughtful! The little birthday boy is blessed with the luck of tasty treats today. 

MC: Rest assured, I’ll definitely get you to Pudding safely and in one piece. 

LZY: With a certain someone “braving the wind and waves” to come pick me up, I’m already luckier than those who can’t get a cab. 

MC: Hehe, this time it’s my turn to be the prince who cuts their way through thorns and thistles to rescue the sleeping princess! 

LZY: Well, it seems like I’ll have to wait a hundred years then.

MC: ...you just told me to take my time. 

A soft chuckle transmits from the other end of the phone, and carried by the car’s stereo, it spreads through the entire space, giving me the illusion as if he is right next to me. 

LZY: It’s not contradictory. 

LZY: Even if it takes you a hundred years, I’ll still wait.

–

──────

[Tidbits]:  This conversation here is a reference to one of Li Zeyan’s earliest ASMRs, “Sleeping Beauty,” where LZY said in response to MC’s question that if he were the prince, he wouldn’t let the girl he loves wait a hundred years. Whereas, in the reverse scenario here, he tells you that if he were the sleeping princess and you the prince, he would gladly wait a hundred years (இдஇ; ) though, for a man who literally did wait 17+10000(*n) years for you— a hundred years is, well, still unbearable to think about ahah (ﾉಥ益ಥ) 

–

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

【Chapter 2】

I park the car near the exit, and as soon as I look up, I see Li Zeyan walking towards me, dragging his suitcase. 

I immediately push open the car door and run up to him, throwing myself into his arms as hard as I can. Both his hands are occupied by luggage, and I collide against him so hard that he staggers back a few steps. 

His familiar scent wraps around me securely, instantly dispelling all the tension and fatigue from the road. I nuzzle against his chest contentedly, earning a soft chuckle from above my head. 

LZY: Why the lack of courtesy right off the bat?

MC: I haven’t seen you for days, and I’ve made our big busy person wait so long. I can’t afford to be polite anymore. 

Li Zeyan smiles, lets go of the luggage, and draws me into his arms, lowering himself to rest his head on my shoulder. 

A soft sigh sounds next to my ear, and I sense how exhausted he is. I put aside my playful thoughts and stroke the back of his head. 

MC: I hoped you could get some rest after getting off the plane, but I didn’t expect this weather… 

MC: I’ll head out earlier next time! 

LZY: You already got here much faster than I expected. 

LZY: Let’s go, there’s a birthday boy waiting at home. It’s raining hard outside; I’ll drive on the way back. 

┈┈┈┈┈┈ ✄ ┈┈┈┈┈┈

As we head home, rain begins pouring down in torrents. Even with the wipers operating at their highest speed, the visibility only clears for a fleeting moment. 

Through the impenetrable curtain of rain, the emergency lights of nearby vehicles flicker faintly. The water pooling on the ground reflects the surroundings like mirrors, and the streets have transformed into an utterly bizarre kaleidoscopic labyrinth. 

I hold up my phone to record the scene outside the window when suddenly, a blinding flash of lightning splits the sky not far away, followed by a rolling thunder approaching from the distance, pressing closer and closer. 

I can’t help but shrink my neck and set my phone down. 

MC: This weather is just ridiculous… I’m sure today’s Moments posts are gonna be flooded with candid shots of the rainstorm. 

LZY: A certain someone has made significant strides. 

LZY: A few years back, you would get so nervous in this kind of weather that you’d grab onto other people’s clothes. Now, you'd just make a fuss about it on Moments. 

MC: Huh? When did I grab onto your clothes? 

I turn my head to look at him with a puzzled expression. Li Zeyan glances at me, and before he can even speak, a smile creeps onto the corners of his lips. 

LZY: That time when you asked me if I dared to like you. 

I freeze for a second, the familiar feeling of nervousness and anticipation surging to the forefront of my mind. 

Memories flood back along with the warmth of my cheeks, as I’m reminded of a similar night in the past mirroring this raging storm. 

The pitch-black darkness that descended after the power outage was so thick that one wouldn’t even be able to make out their own hand in front of them. I felt like danger, and the unknown would swallow me whole at any moment. But he was there with me, accompanying me for what felt like an eternity on that apocalyptic night. 

Back then, I felt like I couldn’t handle it on my own, so I wanted to cling to a straw, to hold onto this steady and exceptionally gentle person beside me. 

Snapping out of the reminiscence, I clear my throat to dispel my embarrassment. 

MC: Y-You don’t need to remember such things so clearly! 

MC: But come to think of it, ever since I met you, I don’t seem to have gotten rained on much. 

MC: Even if I forget my umbrella or can’t catch a ride, you always manage to “scoop” me up right on time. 

LZY: So, as a result, a certain someone has developed the bad habit of not checking the weather forecast before going out? 

MC: …It clearly taught me the good habit of how to “scoop” people up in crucial moments! 

The car stops at the intersection, waiting for the traffic light. Li Zeyan casts a glance my way, his lips curving into a smile as he strokes my head. 

LZY: Given that the person “scooping” me up is also the one I want to see, it does feel pretty good. 

His warm palm rests on my head for a moment before sliding down to my cheek with yearning. A small sense of satisfaction leaps in my heart, and I smile, poking his cheek. 

MC: I think I can understand why the prince braves countless perils to reach the princess.

MC: For this moment right now, I’m willing to endure any hardship~

–

──────

[Tidbits]:  The call-back of the apocalyptic night is from one of Li Zeyan’s earliest dates, “Doomsday Date,” where MC asks him if he’d dare to like her and if he’d dare to be by her side even if doomsday arrived – and the rest, as they say, is history, quite literally in this case ahah~ (இдஇ; ) 

–

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

【Chapter 3】

“Bzzz!” 

As I step through the doorway and flip the switch for the pendant lamp, to my surprise, the light flickers and then abruptly goes out. 

The inside of the house is instantly taken over by the dimness from outside the windows. Pudding, who was originally crouching at the door to welcome us, lets out a yelp and scurries under the table. 

My mind automatically starts concocting a horror movie scenario, and I immediately step back a few paces. 

MC: What did the power suddenly go out? It was perfectly fine before I left... 

My words are barely out of my mouth when a series of extremely bright streaks of lightning flash outside the window. 

The howling gale rattles the window frames, while the water pipes exposed to the downpour on the side of the building, pelted by large raindrops, are making peculiar noises. 

The continuous flashes of lightning project the wildly swaying shadows of the trees onto the floor, making the storm outside seem even more terrifying. 

Li Zeyan sighs and steps forward, taking hold of my hand that is frozen in mid-air. 

LZY: Are there any spare lights or flashlights in the house? 

MC: Yes, there are, in my room... 

While saying this, I clutch Li Zeyan’s arm and carefully start walking towards my room. A hand reaches out and pulls me into a familiar embrace. 

LZY: Wasn’t a certain someone “scooping people up” pretty amazingly just now? Why are you so nervous now that we’re home? 

MC: ...I guess I’ve been overdoing it with the horror movies lately, and the after-effects are still a bit strong. 

I laugh awkwardly and, relying on the dim light of the flashlight, dig out a large, bulging bag from the storage box. 

MC: Rechargeable desk lamps, some decorative fairy lights, and lanterns. 

MC: They should work if we plug them into the power bank. 

LZY: ...That’s it? 

MC: They can provide light and serve as tools to set the ambiance. Isn’t that wonderful? 

Li Zeyan turns on a palm-sized rechargeable desk lamp and releases a small sigh. 

LZY: In that case, the gift I brought you can also be included to make up the difference. 

MC: Huh? What gift? 

Li Zeyan rummages through his suitcase, takes out an exquisitely wrapped box, and gestures for me to open it. 

I lean in closer and find a very charming candle holder with a glass cover nestled inside. 

MC: It’s so beautiful! As expected, CEO Li’s eye for things can never go wrong. 

LZY: Simultaneously doing the job of adding flowers to the brocade and delivering charcoal in snowy weather一 it definitely seems to be maximizing its value.  

LZY: Come on, let’s go and light up all the lamps that we can use first. 

┈┈┈┈┈┈ ✄ ┈┈┈┈┈┈

With me “lending a hand” by holding the flashlight through the entire process, dinner and Pudding’s salmon cake are soon prepared. 

Pudding, who had been hiding in the corner this entire time, also forgets his fear under the temptation of delectable food and begins prancing around again. 

After eating and drinking to our fill, I sit on the carpet with another small blanket, light a scented candle, and carefully set it in the candle holder Li Zeyan gifted me. 

Li Zeyan then casually plops down at the foot of the bed where I’m leaning, naturally stretching out his arm for me to use as a pillow. 

I look at Pudding grooming his fur not far away and can’t help but sigh with emotion. 

MC: Time sure flies! Pudding has grown another year older. I wonder what progress he’ll make this year. 

LZY: He wasn’t very brave when he was younger, but now he, too, looks after the house on his own and appears to be fairly calm and composed. 

MC: Why did you use “too“? I suspect you’re insinuating something about someone else. 

LZY: Just stating facts. 

LZY: The way a certain someone acted when she walked into the house earlier didn’t exactly resemble the “prince“ who came to pick me up. 

I glance again at the flashes of lightning and thunder rolling outside again, scratching my cheek awkwardly. 

MC: The house just went dark all of a sudden; I wasn’t mentally prepared. 

LZY: What about now? 

LZY: Are you still scared? 

I turned sideways to watch him. The dancing candlelight paints his side profile in a warm glow, and the subtle fragrance of the scented candle melds into his calm gaze, making me gradually relax. 

I hug his arm and pull him into my arms, beaming a wide smile at him. 

MC: I have my “fragrant princess“ in my arms now, and I fear neither getting swept by wind nor being battered by rain any longer. [3]

LZY: Are we sure about who’s in whose arms? 

MC: Does it really make a difference who’s in whose arms? 

Li Zeyan gives me a look that says “whatever you say,” and I smile victoriously at having my way before turning to glance at the pitch-black darkness outside the window.  

The small lights in the room are mirrored on the glass, reminiscent of stars, blurring into a cluster of halos by the unrelenting rain. 

Serenity and turmoil are separated by only a wall. I grasp his wrist and tilt my head, pillowing into his palm and nuzzling against it. 

MC: Luckily, you came back today. Otherwise, I would have definitely dragged you into “simmering a pot of telephone congee” with me all night long. [4]

LZY: That wouldn’t have been too bad either. 

MC: Well, that’s true, but it would have made me seem like I haven’t grown at all... 

I raise my head and look into his slightly puzzled gaze, feeling a little embarrassed as I lower my voice. 

MC: I’m clearly not a child anymore, and many of the things I used to fear shouldn’t be a big deal now. 

MC: Yet when running into situations where I’m not entirely confident, I can’t help feeling a little afraid. 

MC: For instance, a pitch-dark empty house, not being able to find the kitten, and a thunderstorm that I don’t know when will end. 

MC: I still can’t seem to be like you, to be able to keep myself from thinking the worst regardless of the kind of situation I’m confronted with... 

I soliloquize in a whispered tone, and the palm I’m resting my head on suddenly moves. I look up, and my fingers are immediately swept up in a reassuring warmth.

Li Zeyan is pillowing himself on my bolster, covered by a blanket that is clearly not big enough for him, creating for a rather comical scene. Yet, I find myself solely captivated by his extraordinarily serious gaze. 

He quietly watches me like this for some time before finally opening his mouth to respond. 

LZY: Then just be afraid. 

MC: ...Huh? 

LZY: Building courage doesn’t mean you should be absolutely fearless. 

LZY: If you have no reaction to the unknown and uncontrollable, that, on the contrary, is dangerous. 

LZY: For a dummy, knowing how to dodge in the right direction at a critical moment is also progress. 

He strokes the back of my hand meaningfully, and I clasp his fingers even more tightly in tacit understanding. 

In moments of fear and anxiety, I always want to hold onto something, to reassure myself that I’m not facing it alone. 

And this man in front of me, as fortune would have it, always happens to be within my reach, catching my insecurities and leading me along slowly. 

I think back to the first time I “grabbed onto” him, the gentleness in his tone that I had rarely seen, and I can’t help but laugh. 

MC: Well then, it seems I’ve been making progress since the first time I grabbed onto your clothes. 

LZY: Mm-hmm, it hasn’t been easy. 

MC: But I can only advance a little bit at a time. I’ve kept you waiting for so long. 

The corners of his lips curl up slightly, and his eyes, sparkling with a smile, gently embrace me. 

LZY: This isn’t work; nobody is asking anything from you. 

LZY: If you’re afraid, just light up a lamp.

–

──────

[Tidbits]

[3] LI ZEYAN WRITERS!!! CRIES AT THE SACRIFICE I HAD TO MAKE AND HOW THE BEAUTY OF THE WORDPLAY JUST GETS LOST IN TRANSLATION HERE 😭 anywho, as you might’ve already noticed, “rescuing the sleeping princess“ theme and the “seeming“ role reversal has been one of the running themes of this date. The term used here is 软香 (lit. meaning soft fragrance), which is usually used to refer to the delicate scent of a woman or a woman in general and, in the context of the times, a palace beauty. The full term MC uses here is 软香在怀 (lit. meaning having ‘soft fragrance’ in one’s arms), which also conveys a deep emotional closeness, a sense of security and comfort as scent is something very sensitive. What the writing does here is kill three birds with one stone— (i) conveying MC’s “prince and princess role reversal“ quip, while also delivering the emotions of the candlelight monologue two sentences prior, i.e., (ii) the fragrance melding into his calm gaze, the vivid imagery of her sensitivity to his presence itself, (iii) the reassuring effect of his being. 

[4] I’m gonna cry; this is such an adorable expression haha 😭 the term MC uses here is “煲电话粥,” which really does mean “simmering telephone congee.” The idea of it is to have a marathon phone call with sb, but it’s more intimate— similar to how simmering sth can take a long time and porridge essentially is a comfort food 😂 

–

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

【Chapter 4】

The night is dark, and the rain seems to have weakened a bit. I hug the blanket and squeeze onto the small bed with Li Zeyan. No matter in which position we lay down, most of our bodies are pressed against each other. 

I watch the person beside me becoming a part of the scene I’ve been familiar with since my childhood days, and for a long time, I find myself unwilling to close my eyes. 

MC: It feels so surreal to have you and Pudding together at my place. 

MC: It’s like having guests at home, but at the same time, it feels like welcoming new members to the family. 

LZY: So, which one do you hope I am? 

MC: I’ve long regarded you as the latter in my heart, obviously. 

MC: However, this situation makes me seem like I’m not being a gracious host... 

MC: Having to deal with the bad weather is one thing, but who knew the electricity in the house would be unstable at a critical moment, and now my bed isn’t big enough either. 

I look up at the small pink pillow under Li Zeyan’s head and sigh softly. Li Zeyan, however, just smiles calmly and brushes aside the hair falling over my face. 

MC: Be careful when you roll over. If you’re afraid of falling off, just hug me a little tighter~ 

LZY: [i’m cRY at how he just plays along with you haha] It’s certainly something to be afraid of. 

Li Zeyan says this as he gets up to turn off the lights, and the room is plunged into darkness once again. 

I reach out my arms towards him and am immediately swept back into his arms. 

MC: Thank you, CEO Li~ How about I repay you with a goodnight kiss? 

LZY: That’s it? 

MC: Then what else do you want? 

I blink my eyes at him, and suddenly, he lifts his hand to cover my sight. 

A soft warmth captures my lips, swallowing my confusion. 

He holds me too tightly in the square of his arms, and his broad palm accidentally presses on my nose, causing my already erratic breathing to become even more difficult to maintain. 

I punch him indignantly, and Li Zeyan finally moves his hand away, his fingers cradling my face. 

LZY: Didn’t you say you wanted to repay me? 

MC: T-This isn’t what I had in mind! 

LZY: Is this not good? 

His warm finger pads caress the side of my face in a back-and-forth motion, leaving me with no refuge to escape but to gaze into his smiling eyes. 

LZY: Instead of letting your imagination run wild every time you’re scared, why not think about something that can put your mind at ease?  

LZY: For example, me. 

LZY: So, consider this as collecting a tip in advance to cover your memories.  

A soft chuckle drifts from above me, and he lifts my face again. With the last hint of light also overlaid, I close my eyes, welcoming this novel memory pertaining to the night’s darkness. 

┈┈┈┈┈┈ ✄ ┈┈┈┈┈┈

The next morning, the sky finally clears up. 

The entire city looks as if it has taken a bath. Under the early morning sunlight, there are glittering lights refracted by water droplets everywhere. 

I summon every bit of my self-control and more to extract myself from Li Zeyan’s warm embrace and rise early to make breakfast. 

Originally, I planned to have him take the day off and recover from jet lag, but as soon as he gets out of bed, he receives a call from LFG, saying there is an urgent matter that needs to be dealt with in person. 

I watch as a certain someone at the dining table finishes his breakfast with a sullen look on his face and can’t help but burst into laughter. 

MC: Who knew even CEO Li could show such a “rebellious” expression about having to work overtime. 

LZY: ...It’s just that I haven’t gotten over the jet lag yet.  

MC: Who told you not to sleep obediently last night? 

I stand up with a laugh before he can glare at me and push his suitcase to the door for him. Li Zeyan dons his coat, seems to hesitate for a moment, and then turns back to look at me. 

MC: What’s wrong? 

LZY: Nothing. 

MC: It doesn’t seem like you’ve left anything behind, have you? 

I look around to check while speaking, but I realize that Li Zeyan has kept his gaze trained on me, with no intention of searching for anything. 

I blink my eyes, and an adorable guess bubbles up in my heart. 

MC: Could it be that... CEO Li is unwilling to leave? 

Li Zeyan grips the handle of the suitcase, averts his eyes, and smiles. 

LZY: Let Pudding stay at your place for one more day. 

MC: No worries, we’ll get along perfectly. 

He doesn’t give a direct answer to my question, so I take it as his tacit assent and continue along with his words. 

LZY: He ate quite a lot last night, so feed him less cat food today. 

MC: Understood~ 

LZY: Be careful with the electricity today, and if you run into any issues, reach out to me right away. 

MC: Uh-huh, anything else you want to remind me of? 

I stare at him, smiling giddily. Li Zeyan opens his mouth, but in the end, he just displays a helpless expression and says nothing. 

The rare instance of not being able to find the words to say, the rare moments of being dumbstruck and not knowing how to reply, the rare scenario of dragging his feet about going to work... 

All of this shows that he is really unwilling to leave. 

I smile even happier and tiptoe up to lock my arms around his neck.  

Li Zeyan seems a bit puzzled, but he promptly supports my waist and arches an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. 

MC: Hehe, consider this as a tip you’re paying in advance. 

MC: This way, whenever you feel overwhelmed in the future, you will think of only me. 

I mimic his words from last night, and even reach up to muss his hair. 

LZY: Little copycat. 

Li Zeyan seems to want to resist this “childish” act subconsciously, but his arms betray his honest feelings and draw me in even tighter. 

He looks at me with a silly smile on my face, about to say something when I suddenly feel a tickle on my ankle, as if something furry is rubbing against it. 

Just as I’m about to look down, my face is pinched by someone. 

I’m compelled to raise my head and see the sunlight falling on Li Zeyan. 

The locks of hair hanging over his forehead and eyelashes are all bathed in dazzling, golden-bright luster. He reminds one of a big cat who has just woken up, making people irresistibly want to get closer to him. 

And he does exactly as I wished, taking the initiative to bring this warmth to me. 

The distance between us is reduced to zero, and I naturally close my eyes, welcoming this kiss infused with the warmth of the sunlight. 

Even if a person grows accustomed to the humidity of this city, they will still rejoice when the sky clears and the sunshine beams down. 

Even for those who can see the person they love every day and kiss them whenever they want, they will still find that any small separation feels too long. 

The meow of the kitten rises from our feet, as if it also wants to participate in this wordless goodbye. I gently bite Li Zeyan’s lips, and he, rather reluctantly, pulls back just a bit. 

MC: Mr. Customer, you’re being too generous with your tip. 

With his eyes cast down, he continues to gaze at me, his breath still lingering at the edge of my lips. 

LZY: Because I’ve already fulfilled the conditions you set. 

LZY: Now that I’ve paid double the tip, I’m asking for an upgrade on the terms. 

He raises an eyebrow, as if he is genuinely negotiating with me. 

At such proximity, my mind is already a muddled mess, yet I still manage to capture the answer he desires from the look of yearning in his eyes. 

I strive to muster my willpower, rise on tiptoe, and kiss his lips again.

MC: Then you must work diligently and clock out early... 

MC: And who knows, perhaps I’ll suddenly appear when you’re missing me?

──────────────────────────────────────────

[crobones]

okay sure I threw in a whole lotta nonsense in there, but I got very key things correct:

The Rani wanted to bring back the Time Lords (a given)

The Rani is a eugenicist (easy)

Enough energy to destroy the reality would be needed in order to bring back the Time Lords

The not-not reality didn't completely exist on Earth, but was a sort of projection, but was ALSO real and existed on Earth... kinda (abstract and vague, but I was accurate)

Conrad is (was?) a supremacist, and so that's why certain people existed on the edge of society, outside of and unaffected by his influence (subtly hinted at, but i connected the dots)

The world around them was started by Conrad and the Wish Baby, but in order to have the power to actually make "reality" "real" (enough to break it and summon Omega), they needed each individual person in the world to believe the lies they were told so that the dream and reality coincide with each other

TV was used to make everyone believe

You can make a person that wasn't real but actually kinda existed in the not-not reality (Poppy) real by using a lot of light (regenerative energy) and thinkin real hard. so hard, you inadvertantly rewrite someone's (Belinda's) memories (like the meta-fan-inserts)

Ruby was unaffected by all of this because of reasons (acknowledged, but not really explained)

I didn't list this in the original post but I knew I was gonna fuckin cry

things I didn't expect to guess as close to correct as I did:

they're Bone Beasts, not Bone Boys, and they are pretty non-threatening for the most part and kinda just graze their sustenance from the environment around them

things i've realized these past two episodes:

there is an entire special i've somehow missed and haven't seen like what the fuck is a Time Hotel

things I expect for the not-so-distant future:

the Rani to return, and hopefully we'll figure out how she's also Susan while we're at it

please please please please please bring back dhawan!master i promise I will only thirst after him and obsess over him respectfully I swear

so as i was saying (and follow me on this, because it's gonna be a process)

I think the rani is trying to create a new gallifrey and recreate timelords a la the timeless child. if memory serves, the people who became timelords were just kinda... people. so like.

i think they were just humans, and the genetic manipulation tecteun was doing made the timelords who they were - I think all those failures culminated in tecteun realizing that the child (who is theta/the doctor) having two hearts is what gives the "human" body the power to withstand regeneration and the lifeforce that goes into being a timelord.

now, it's quite possible that tecteun cloned a bunch of hearts, or it's also quite possible there was a war/mass slaughter and half the population stole the other half's hearts but that's a story for another time idk.

anyway, what i'm saying is it was established since ten-two that a timelord without the second heart and gold flowy bits is just a human.

and the rani knows this.

and so she's like "aight, bet. let me recreate the timelords using the human population." and she's going about it in the most eugenics way possible. no gays allowed because they don't have babies. no disabled people because they'd "weaken the genetic code" or some shit. she needs strong healthy bodies to have them withstand becoming timelords, and she needs the strong to procreate.

so. why not just kill off the "doubters" and the "weak"? well, she'll need the hearts and livers and extra bits from somewhere!

if she's going to use humanity* to recreate the timelords, why kill them and destroy the earth? good question! and this is why I think she's "projecting" life on some random planet that can sustain life but it's core inhabitants don't fucking eat because they don't have fucking stomachs they're SKELETONS. or maybe this random fuckass planet is the closest one she could find connected to the underverse idk.

regardless. need real babies, but can't just fuckin kill off humanity at the same time by tearing through reality, right? well. remember mr. ring-a-ding? mans was made of light, but was physical. there, but not there. and then the fucko absorbed so much light he essentially became incorporeal, but like. he's still there, right?

and do you remember the three doctor who fans? you know, that terribly heart breaking scene where they knew they weren't real, but they had sentience and knew their existence would end at the end of the scene.

oh... but wait. there was an epilogue scene that showed they survived! somehow? Who knows! well, Mrs. Flood/"a" rani likely knows, because she broke the fourth wall constantly and that had to be for a reason, right?

listen. it makes no sense, but also it's the only way I can think of to make it make sense. Mr. Ring-a-Ding was a cartoon character, and then he became a universe within the universe. so, things that, once, only existed on a screen, are real. and it's because he is some unfathomable force that just. exists, now. everywhere.

so projections are real, but they're also just. not. and then, the doctor and Bel were a bit not real for a short while, too, right? and the more they felt, the more three-dimensional they became as characters, the more they returned to just being themselves.

and the rani is powerful, but she's not powerful enough to create billions of characters that have such emotional depth that they become real. you know what's easier? copy and paste. copy humanity. paste it on another planet.

but AI is very flat, and can't be depended on to create three-dimensional characters that can exist in reality. there needs to be a human component, somehow, and she can't very well force all of humanity into their own little matrix pods, right? so how can these characters all exist independent from each other and have lives and make babies and become the vessels she needs for the recreation of the timelords?

you can copy and paste a story to repeat it, but you can't make a sequel. maybe everyone else on the planet is connected to this world and these bodies via their dreams, or maybe it's something entirely different.

anyone know what looms are? don't worry, i (kinda) do. they're essentially just timelord baby engines. "frames with a mesh of "a million fine chords" which sang with the wind and had microscopic data flowing down themselves" is how Simon Bucher-Jones wrote it in the Doctor Whoniverse short story The Short Briefing Sergeant's Tale.

now, raise your hand if you remember The Maestro. okay good, kinda figured.

so light projection creates physical things that are real (but not) and "music" gives those things life - et voila, a loom that spans the universe, focused on one little planet.

well. thing is. The Lux is all around and available to be used as a tool. but the Maestro was kinda banished from reality, which sucks, because the Rani kinda needs things within this reality in order to make this work.

so like. who remembers the Maestro saying something about Ruby just ain't right, shortly before music just kinda comes out of her. well, that sounds like some kinda nexus of music and sound that I might not fully understand but could certainly be utilized to power a loom, no? well then, best to maybe also actually put her on the planet that will "house" the loom.

so methinks Ruby is a battery to power the loom created by the network of titanic power woven around the planet. and if she's really there, and she's already lived through 2025, it's no wonder the limited power of the wish baby can't completely control her. so Ruby has Doubts.

and Conrad is most definitely actually there because the Rani needed a supremacist fuckboy who told millions of people about the Doctor and UNIT and made them - well i would say he made them doubt their existence, but really he made them believe they were all a sham.

and how can you brainwash society into believing things that aren't true? that's easy! propaganda! and the best way to propagate propaganda is via the telly! which is a projection of light on a screen that everyone must view, daily. in a world where things that are even just made out of light are real, that's some really potent propaganda right there, I'll tell you what. not to mention, the madness of the toymaker was literally spread via subliminal messaging on any and every screen in the world. shit is fuckin kooky.

and so, because of fuckboy Conrad and his supremacist beliefs being projected onto all of humanity, society is made to think that homosexuality is bad, that disabled people are bad, and that gingers - well. either that's from Conrad's preconceptions of gingers being weak, or it's from the generations of recessive genes culminating in a group of people that the Rani deems weak.

(also, iirc, because of all the "recessiveness", gingers are more susceptible to things like cancer and the Sun damaging their vision - haha get it? because light can overpow- anyway, I digress)

but why do the outcasts doubt? well, not only does Conrad not see them as people, they don't see him, as said by Brian. Also, chances are, since they're outcasts made homeless by the will of the Rani, they don't watch that television program every damn day, so they aren't being brainwashed with reality warping stories.

I also feel the web of stories created by Abena and Adétòkunbo is somehow involved, or WILL be involved. and there's a reason "Mrs. Flood"/Susan/the Rani could not only break the fourth wall, but also existed everywhere the Doctor went (edit: because I don't believe she has a TARDIS last i checked). And there MUST be a reason Belinda was also that soldier lady from the landmine episode. but give me a day or so to sort that all out.

EITHERHOOT. i'm throwing a lot of spaghetti at the wall, so something might stick idk. or i'm just spouting bullshit. you know. as i do. wouldn't it be funny if I was entirely right tho.

[jackabbot]

idk but i feel like some of you should learn more about what it's like to be friends with both halves of a couple cuz uhhhhh

[jayktoralldaylong]

"We finally got Jayvik, why aren't you happy?"

Cause Jayce's bisexuality is getting erased by the Jayvik fans. 😑 (I swear it was the exact same problem with Meljay, people insisting that Jayce is not gay. Now, they're doing it the other way around and pretending like he only tolerated her. Which is insane).

Like bisexual people are fictional characters and it is IMPOSSIBLE for people to love more than one person.

Even if you don't ship MelJayVik, saying that Jayce at no point loved Mel? That his feelings for her were not real??? Whaaaat?

Fought so hard just to win and lose at the same time. Cause yeah, people now agree that Jayce is in love with Viktor.......and now they're erasing Mel.

"Mel is an empath so she only reflects-"

Yeah, she's REFLECTING all the LOVE that Jayce feels for HER and PROVING that he feels it for Viktor TOO!! Mel is not a replacement Viktor, they look nothing like, they act nothing alike. 😭 They are two different and yet similar people and he loved them BOTH!

People really took "Mel is an empath" and ran with it right into the ditch.

[dukeofdelirium]

“I only ship lawlight as a joke”

besties gotta quit w the act fr lmao. It’s literally fine to ship lawlight and not weird at all lol it’s a super popular ship in anime/manga and has been for decades. y’all aren’t fooling anyone by saying you ship it as a joke 😂 we all know you’re into it lmao just say that. just admit you think it’s a hot pairing cuz it is lol it’s literally fine you’re not gonna be stoned to death in the street. yeah the weird antis might say somethin but who cares what they think lol. if it weren’t for lawlight shippers this fanbase wouldn’t be even a fraction of what it is today

[freedelusionshere]

If he had asked her in S2 she probably would’ve said yes and then panicked about her feelings for him and tried to bail. When he asked her to Kasama, she accused him of trying to send her home.

Despite the ridiculous conditions he put them under in S3, they were actually collaborating and he was listening to her. At one point, she is suggesting menu items and he’s agreeing to them and it seems like they have a rhythm going but they both seemed very tired. That will also come up in the conversation here in Apologies.

She was teasing him about his dusty sauce and getting kind of flirty with him at one point. They’re chopping grapefruits together and he switches when she cuts herself. She tries his nicotine gum. He says at another he knows she’s going to tell him that he’s fucking this up, and she just says she’s his accomplice, so he asks Ebra if he’s fucking this up. Syd and Carm are codependent and oops that’s not what either of them wanted.

Then it takes a turn for the worse in Legacy, because Carm sees Syd at the lockers looking cute and knows she has something going on outside the restaurant.

He had also tried to have something going on outside the restaurant, and it blew up for many reasons, but Cicero also basically told him to choose between Claire and the restaurant “Uh-oh.” Carm chooses the restaurant/Syd right after that but she completes the service without him. He’s not necessary there in his mind and he wants her to need him.

His whole team basically outs him in front of Syd about Claire and presses him about why they broke up (shades or the dogpile he got in Fishes) and says this is who I am and he doesn’t need amusement and enjoyment.

Syd’s reaction is telling. He’s saying he can’t have those things here with her. Syd is totally frustrated about all of this, but she’s also freaking out because of that partnership agreement and what that will mean. Which he never tells her to sign, his family does. He tells her it exists and doesn’t even know what a vesting schedule is. Carm starts acting out and he told her upfront that for him the star is about “showing them what they are capable of”.

it’s about him, Syd knows it, she tells him she thinks he’s magically found a way to make it about himself and she also asks him who the “they” are he’s taking about. This is brought up again in the S4 trailer by Tina who says he’s always chasing something.

The final (almost, I think) straw for Syd is when she tells him “I’m not your babysitter”. It’s because she’s realized he’s acting out his stuff with Donna now and she is getting roped in. She can read and pays attention to small cues they confirm that with the margins thing. She calls out her dad immediately for holding back what he really feels about her apartment.

All that to say, and sorry it was so long: But she still wants Carm’s attention anyway. Because she’s in love with him at this point. She told Luca that’s what she’s used to getting. It also is a step towards what she wants, which is to be treated like an equal. It’s him telling her that she belongs there at Ever as much as he does, even if it means he’ll lose her.

They know each other real well. They distrust themselves is the problem. Richie and Emmanuel were right: they moved too fast.

We see in the S4 trailer that Syd is acknowledging this and all his chaos is getting on everything. Chaos = Donna stuff. Which is true. But also, I think we’re about to see Syd’s brand of chaos emerge with that money clock.

Seduction of Syd in Apologies

Now that I've figured out how to make gifs, I am going to break down one of my favorite episodes and talk about the sexual innuendo happening here and how it depicts seduction, but with the gender roles somewhat reversed. I've already made a ton of posts about this, so one more won't hurt.

"You should come." Syd's like: come again? That's what he leads in with, and it's absolutely insane. Keep in mind, he's just been messing with a dish/edible item that is about her.

Batting his eyes like the most Southern Belle that ever Belled. Syd's defenses are falling quick.

Smiling and trying to charm her. He is actually mirroring her; she smiles at him just before he smiles, so they are well on their way to understanding that there is some flirtation going on here.

Not Syd doing the deep swallow, LOL! He is also smiling a little still at the corners of his mouth and tells her again that she could come. Just in case she missed it the first time.

Syd batting her eyelashes because she's flustered, her nostrils flaring slightly, and she finally tells him, "Okay."

"Good." Then she mirrors him and whispers. "Good."

Then she ends up disappointed because she wants it to go further and for them to keep talking and he gets stuck with his words again.

[syn4k]

to be, or not to be (romanticization of the inevitable)

[jewishvitya]

I feel like people see "abuser" as like... a variety of person. A category of its own. A kind of human. Not a label for someone who has a pattern of behaviors with reasoning and internal logic that a lot of people can fall into without meaning to, and it's possible to unlearn, even if it doesn't undo harm.

There has to be sinister villainous intent, otherwise... I don't know, my hurt isn't enough?

If I admit they're not a different kind of human, I'll have to accept that I'm capable of just as much harm.

If there's a kind of person that's evil and we can "remove them from society" then we'll be left with The Good Ones.

I don't know.