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schismusic · 4 months

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On abandonment, Lou X, the eternal recurrence of the same

Browsing through the people I follow (and my followers) I can't help but notice just how many of these blogs haven't been updated in literal years. That line Diane Venora has in Michael Mann's Heat comes to mind: "you live among the remains of dead people…".

The idea of neglect and disuse is a weird thing to me, in that I never registered it as an inherently negative thing - it's melancholic, sure, but not everything needs to keep being active and productive. In unrelated news I'm listening to Lou X as we speak, go figure. For my international followers, Lou X is a rapper from Pescara who made his last full record in 1998. It is called La Realtà, la Lealtà e lo Scontro and you could call it a conscious/gangsta rap record in Italian/Abruzzese dialect. Then he basically went off the radar except for maybe one feature or two on other people's songs and albums.

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If you think about it Italy's greatest contributions to the culture of the past century mostly involve objects that either don't exist, are somehow crystallized into unserviceable forms, were abandoned years ago and have reached an absolutely dismal state that could only make them interesting as a work of art. Think about it: Neorealism in cinema (and maybe even the Realists' interest in decrepit/disadvantages rural realities, but that would be an overarching nineteenth-century European thing), Ennio Flaiano's Tempo di uccidere, the last writings of Cesare Pavese ("Tutto questo fa schifo. Non parole. Un gesto. Non scriverò più": what else here but the defeated realisation that nothing could ever change?), Italo Calvino's Le città invisibili, Luigi Ghirri's landscape photography work, CCCP and CSI even.

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Europe is doomed to its binary division and therefore we are of course doomed to repeat stylings and "revolutionary" aesthetics in never-ending loops: Disciplinatha were smart enough to point it out, but like Whitehouse said: "grubbing job-hunting artists and art aficionados who prefer art that 'raises questions' are certainly as disgusting as those rubbered dilettantes who recognize that the answers are what you masturbate over". Whitehouse also had this to say, in the same context: "So better to just shut your fucking mouth".

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Obviously mentioning a rapper from Abruzzo has implications for those of you who know anything about me. God knows there are very few places as left to their own devices as that region of Italy, and considering my violently antihumanist views regarding the Abruzzese people I'm inclined to say that the only reason this abandon should end is just so I can no longer hear these motherfuckers bitch and moan about nobody giving a shit about them or something. It's no big deal to be fair - people think Abruzzo is further down South than Rome is because it was added into the monetary help program for the South of Italy at the end of World War II. The Abruzzese people who have voted for Matteo Salvini in the past seem to have conveniently forgotten that if it didn't mean more votes to him, they would be seen as cannon fodder at best and shit under his feet at worst.

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When the Amatrice earthquake hit in 2016 we knew that would be the end of the very little good things we had managed to get back after L'Aquila in 2009: the small towns in the province, which is unreasonably fucking big in L'Aquila's case but honestly what are we going to do, make Sulmona or Avezzano their own province like assholes?, anyway I'm getting distracted - my point being everything went even further to shit when that happened. A lot of the old people, some of whom not as old as you would expect, died in consequence to the quakes or went further down into some form of (if I had to guess) trauma-induced dementia. Happens even to the best of us - then, you can imagine how easily it happens to the average Abruzzese. I was setting up another band with some kids and if we had our way, honestly, I believe there would be no NUMBERS, simply because I had found people who really got me, in the typically effortless way that teens bonding through activities do, and I do believe I got them, too. When I meet them now, and I never meet them together because one of the two guys can no longer come to town now, it feels like I'm on a completely different wavelength. Yet I refuse to let go, because in true Abruzzese fashion I never fucking learn. We did manage to get a record out, though. Its only tangible effect was, likely, to stop NUMBERS and the Operators from playing the La Zona d'Ombra festival at Bronson, in Ravenna. Here in the future, everyone has their fifteen seconds of fame.

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In relating to the theme of this post, I cannot seem to let go of this fucking post. I have been writing in circles for literal hours at this point because the idea of abandonment ultimately scares me, disproving what I said at the beginning. It's no surprise that the only things I can think of when they suggest to me the idea of abandonment are Burial, Forest Swords, Techno Animal, maybe some ambient music. No point in trying to prove at all costs that "I'm different" or that "I have something fundamental to say about it".

So better to just shut my fucking mouth.

#schismusic #musica #music #whitehouse #cccp fedeli alla linea #consorzio suonatori indipendenti #disciplinatha #lou x #la realtà la lealtà e lo scontro #a lot of really terrible shit #abandoned #abruzzo #ennio flaiano #italo calvino #luigi ghirri #cesare pavese #Youtube

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primalinfinity · 7 months

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5! 7! 9!

HI!

5. What inspires you to write?

I live by the creed "Write what you would want to read.", and there are so many story ideas I'd love to see take shape in every genre under the sun. So, I create them and fill those lil niches in my own tastes.

I love creating worlds different from our own, making them real, exploring them...yeah. I write the things I want to read and embrace. :)

That's what inspires me.

7. Create a character on the spot...NOW!

Aight, bet! But I'm going to use my own fictional world here, so...prepare for some terms none of you will know the context of;

Phoebe Reed had just been a simple student at the School Of Glass in the city of Kalosana, reaching her Third Chain as a healer and having been content with a future career at the hospital treating the wide range of ailments that are common in a coastal city-state.

But, the Third Mage War changed everything, and the young healer found herself on the front lines of a conflict where her home seemed willing to tear itself apart.

And she watched as Kalosana was left to rot, suffering massive casualties as their longest term ally abandoned them to massacre.

Surviving the war and returning home, with no family left and most of her friends dead, Phoebe found herself drawn in by the powerful rhetoric of the war hero Lush. Talk of revolution. Of rebelling against the edicts forbidding the students of Glass from learning combat magic.

Now she practices the ancient and forbidden magics in secret, embittered and resentful, and readying herself for the oncoming revolution.

9. A passage from a WIP!

Okay! Here ya go;

“That’s...fair. I’m sorry. I passed out.” Sighing, Yang pressed a kiss to Blake’s forehead, getting a reassured hum in response. “Thanks for not killing me.”

“I considered it, but Ruby and I can’t pay rent alone, and you’re just so much prettier than any of the other options in the regiment.” Blake gave a smirk before rising up and pressing her lips to Yang’s in a good morning kiss.

Grinning, Yang didn’t hesitate before scooping Blake up in her arms and kissing her with a loving smile.

Meanwhile Ruby had stepped and turned away so that she didn’t have to see or hear the encounter happening behind her, and watched as three of her comrades trained in the yard in a free-for-all. Crossing her arms and leaning against the side of the wooden stairs that led up, Ruby had a small frown of concentration on her face as she studied the way the three fighters moved, their footwork smooth and well-trained.

There wasn’t a single poor fighter in their order, you had to reach a certain standard for the King to notice you enough to name you to the ranks in the first place, with most members being pre-existing veterans from a military that had seen far too much action in recent years. Even Ruby and Yang had done their service for king and country despite their young ages, the most recent war against Mistral four years ago having gotten the army desperate enough to take anyone willing to pick up a sword.

Even two girls, both still in their teens at the time with Yang at eighteen and Ruby at sixteen, without more than a purse of ten coppers and their old farm horse to their name. Yang had known how to throw a punch, since growing up the tallest girl in a village dominated by boys had been a firm teacher, but fists won’t do much against musket and cannon.

But they’d learned."

#personal #questions

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getoutofmyjaneway · 3 years

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Beta Cannon: the Pre Voyager Era of Kathryn Janeway | Mosaic v The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway

This weekend, I got a copy of the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway from a local book store. For how frequently we speak about Mosaic in the community (despite having some flaws) I was shocked that I had not heard a lot about this book and assumed it was a bad thing. And yeah in some regards it was (see @mia-cooper’s post on the subject). I have a lot of feelings (I’ll post a proper review at a later point) but one thing that did stick out to me is the divergence from what we have considered Beta Canon, aka, the extended universe of Star Treks told through novels, short stories, video games, etc. After completing the novel, I jumped right into my old standby copy of Mosaic, which has dictated a lot of Janeway’s back story since 96. Both of these novels cover the beginnings of Janeway’s life and how she was shaped into the woman we know.

TLDR The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway changes a lot of things for no reason. Some of these are for the good. Some for the bad. And some, for like no good reason at all, like it was fine as it was, and was accepted cannon for like 25 years, but sure fine whatever.

I will mention that, as Mosaic has been a book in my library and I have read it too many times, so of course, I do have a bias toward it. Additionally, I feel like it is fair to mention here that authors of Fanfiction have leaned on this as their bibles since 1996 as Mosaic is written by Jeri Taylor, one of the show-runners for Voyager. Because of its connection with a showrunner, Mosaic is also integrated into the canon of the show. It seems that most points that are taken from Mosaic in the Autobiography are only included because of their existence in cannon material.

Anyway, this review is going to focus on the characters that shape Kathryn and I will end with my final thoughts. This is long so to respect your dash, you are going to have to click keep reading. You’re welcome.

Obligatory Spoiler Warning for ALL of Mosaic, chapter 13 of Pathways, and chapters 1-7 of The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway

Edward Janeway

In all media, I feel like we can safely say that Kathryn Janeway is in fact a daddy’s girl. Her relationship with her father is very important to her, so it is interesting to see how it is portrayed very differently in both novels. In Mosaic, a lot of the highlights of Janeway’s earlier years revolve around time spent with him. From giving her special attention after ‘Your Sister’ was born, to consoling her after her losing tennis match and subsequent walk home in the rain, and trips to Mars, Kathryn mentions great fondness of quality time spent. In the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway he is more described as an absent father, one that she always wanted to see and please. When he was home, she wanted all of his attention and to impress him greatly. She wished to follow in his footsteps after gaining a love of flight and the stars with a plane ride and a telescope he gave her. He tried to prepare her by detaining the events of the current conflict with Cardassia and inviting Starfleet brass over for dinner. Overall, in her early childhood, it makes more sense for Edward to not be around often. There is not a lot of conflict between the sources, other than the details of the aforementioned tennis match and different childhood nicknames.

Edward is in a crash aboard an experimental ship on Tau Ceti Prime which leads to his death. This is where the big differences begin. In Mosaic, Kathryn and her fiancé are also on board. In Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway, Kathryn is still on the Al-Batani. The fall out of this event has a great effect on Kathryn of course in both novels. As this is a missive shaping event of Kathryn’s life, I felt it very jarring to be changed. This moment shaped Janeway and gives us good context for why she handles situations the way she does. I see this trauma and I understand her character better, for dealing with the loss of two of the most important people in her life all at once.

Gretchen Janeway

The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway was good to Gretchen Janeway as her character is basically a blank slate. We know little about her from Mosaic as it mostly focuses on Kathryn’s relationship with her father (and other male influences in her life). It is nice to learn more things about Grechen as with Edward’s job, it is likely that Kathryn was mainly raised by her. Other than being an artist, she also wrote some of the Flotter holos and wrote a number of children’s stories about the people of Bajor during the occupation. She does a lot of humanitarian work with the refugees from Bajor during the occupation. She loves to garden and get her daughters involved. She has a close bond with Phoebe due to their overlapping interests, but you can tell that she strives to support her in what she does. Overall, I like getting know Gretchen to be someone of than Kathryn’s mother.

Phoebe Janeway

I was shocked when researching Memory Alpha for this review, Phoebe is never named in any Cannon media up to this point (Star Trek Prodigy could very well change this). We know Janeway has a sister and she is an artist, but that is it. Both novels keep her very similar personality-wise. In both stories, Kathryn is not looking forward to being a big sister. They also both mourn the loss of their father together. In Mosaic, she is not mentioned much. Kathryn tells her she is not old enough on an off planet trip and Phoebe plays pranks on her. The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway goes much more into depth. They don’t get along when they are younger. They fight a lot. I feel this is a very realistic portrayal of real siblings, vying for attention and approval, snapping when they don’t get their way. They both excel at what they do, Kathryn in her studies and Phoebe through her art. They seem to need to one-up each other at every turn. As they grow up, they grow closer together, as many siblings do. Points added for giving Phoebe a wife, something which has been included in a lot of fanfiction. Overall, there are no big conflicting points.

Mark Johnson

Kathryn’s fiance at the time of the Voyager’s disappearance, Mark is a very different part of Kathryn’s life in both novels. In Mosaic, he is a childhood friend and went by his middle name Hobbs. Seemingly always two steps behind Kathryn, he did a lot of the same activities that she did, tennis and swimming in the underground cave systems. He did these poorly, and this makes Kathryn always look down upon him. They reconnected after her father’s death and she fell head-over-heels for him. Personally, I always felt this was a little uncharacteristic of Kathryn, to run away from her responsibilities to be with a man. It just seems very out of character and has always bothered me. The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway takes a completely different approach. She meets Mark as a friend of Pheobe and her wife as a widower. They hit it off and they fall hard. You can see the conflict in Kathryn as she debates how to move forward with a relationship as they have different outlooks on life. She has a drive to explore but does not want to be an absent parent. She debates quitting, which I don’t think is something Janeway would have ever done. Overall she decides to accept Mark’s proposal just before taking command of Voyager. This makes the Dear John situation a lot more believable as it makes sense that he would want to move on with his life much quicker. Overall, I have to just ask, why? I know Mark doesn’t have a lot of character, but why change basically their whole relationship dynamic?

Justin Tighe

Justin is a character I actually like for selfish reasons. This explains why I was very miffed that he was nowhere to be seen in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. Justin is Kathryn’s first love, they were coworkers, engaged and in love, and dies in the same accident that takes her father. As a person who always wanted Chakotay and Janeway to get together, this incident perfectly gives the reason. She is afraid to get romantically involved with a crew member because of the nature of the job. This dynamic is seen between Picard and Nella Daren in TNG very well. Kathryn has learned the hard way that she can lose a person under her command and how it feels when you are in love with that person. In early Voyager, you can see she isolates herself from the crew and it takes time for her to get comfortable. And during Night she relapses to her old ways. This is the way I have always justified Janeway’s reluctance to have a romantic relationship during their time in the Delta Quadrant. By understanding her background, I have a lot of respect for that choice. Her relationship with Justin really shaped how she handles relationships and without the impact he had on her life, it actually makes her character weaker.

Owen Paris

Owen is Kathryn’s mentor. In Mosaic, they meet as he is reviewing her junior honors thesis advisor on massive compact halo objects. From here they gained a relationship built on respect and learning. It makes sense that, as he was her personal mentor, that she would be close with his family, and why she would seek out Tom as a person to bring with her to the Badlands mission. In the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway, she does not meet him until she is on the Al-Batani. This doesn’t only weaken her relationship with Admiral Paris, but moreover weakens her relationship with Tom. If he was her superior officer, why would she develop such a ‘big sister’ mentality to Tom if she didn’t have as many opportunities to meet him?

Tuvok

Mosaic does not go too much in depth with Tuvok and Janeway’s relationship, but its sister novel Pathways does. In Pathways, Tuvok meets Janeway when he is an ensign under her command of the USS Bonestell. The Bonestell and the Billings, two ships that Janeway served on, tend to get confused a lot. Most sources have Janeway’s first command as the Voyager, Including Voyager itself - “It doesn't seem like my first command is shaping up the way I expected,” Janeway Shattered. The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway has her and Tuvok meet on the Al-Batani. I actually really like the dynamic between them, as they grow to respect each other over a much longer period of time. I also like that, though Janeway climbs through the ranks, it does not change their relationship dynamic as she still relies on him and asks him advice as if they were equals. I think giving them a longer time to build their relationship. Also would like to note that Janeway and Tuvok also had a friendship with the original CMO of Voyager, Dr. Fitzgerald. I always wanted to know more about the Pre-Caretaker crew and I would have loved to see this dynamic and how the grief of losing a close personal friend in the Caretaker incident would impact them both.

Also I feel obligated to shout out the Janeway and Tuvok story in Star Trek Waypoint One-Shot. I need to get around to doing a series retrospective, but this short story I have not seen anyone talk about and I love it so much. Please read Waypoint. Okay next.

Other characters

Cheb - Janeway’s boyfriend in Mosaic. He was kind of an asshole and got her into trouble. He is not in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway and I see no problem with this.

Boothby - “[he is the] head groundskeeper at Starfleet Academy. When I was a cadet, he used to give me fresh roses for my quarters,” Janeway Revulsion. Boothby is not in Mosaic. In the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway, it is explained that her mother loved to garden and this was something that Boothby did as a gradian figure to make her feel at home and destress. Makes sense.

Aisha - A childhood friend of Katheryn’s. Only in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. Mosaic has this weird thing about highlighting the relationships with only the men in her life, so it is nice to see her have some other female friends.

Nexa - Katheryn’s roommate at the Academy. Only in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. Nexa helps broaden Kathryn’s horizons by helping to learn about Exoliguisticts, first contact, and the Betazoid culture. Again nice to see her have other female friends.

Riker - Yes they go on a date in Mosaic. He is not mentioned in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. I know he is a gag character but I still liked it.

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Final Thoughts

A lot of characters were changed between these two novels. There is a lot to like and a lot to hate. I really like what the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway did with characters like Tuvok and Gretchen Janeway. Other characters were not so lucky (Justin, sweetie I’m so sorry that they would erase you like that, oh my god). It’s a mixed bag, but one thing I need say is... why?

We have had a good thing going here with the established canon as is. Mosaic (and Pathways) is the foundation of which the last 25 years of fanworks and the relaunch novels are based on. Why change history when it is already written?

Always, would love to hear your thoughts and thank you for reading my novel of a post. I will see you in the full review.

#star trek #star trek voyager #kathryn janeway #janeway #voyager #voyager book club #star trek novel #the autobiography of kathryn janeway

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anchoviesinthenightsky · 2 years

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Another aspect to the Bruno abandoning thing, I don’t think anybody’s talked about this kind of headcanon, but what if Alberto’s dad was just…not mentally okay? Not giving it an excuse but hear me out. Most of the fandom if not all have decreed that he abandoned Alberto and said he’s “old enough to fend for himself” as hostile and more of Alberto being a burden in his eyes, but, maybe also from growing up with a mentally ill parent, maybe Alberto’s dad had swings of bad health and would disappear, because he couldn’t handle things himself and thought it would be better to leave Beto alone, though eventually coming back, before he thought Alberto would’ve been big enough to handle it. My mom use to be kinda the same way, coming back and forth because she thought it’d be better for her to disappear during her bad spills because she thought it was better than me dealing with her illness, which is a double sword in of itself. His comment of changing his mind, maybe he tried to leave before or use to threaten to leave but his mind would change coz of him being so young. Emotional abuse (as that’s probably as far as we’re keeping it in how Alberto and Bruno’s relationship was) is a double edged sword, especially depending on its context and contents.

I think, outside of it just being a personal headcanon (lmao sorry), it’s just, a different way to look at it. Sure there’s parents who just abandon their kids as soon as possible, but idk, thoughts? I’m also sorry if it’s too personal in relation I just, figured it’d be a interesting talking point to it yaknow?

I love hearing personal head cannons! Thank you so much for sharing it!

I think a lot of the fandom interpretations of Bruno (Alberto's dad) do end up being a little flat and one sided, sort of just seeing him as this evil guy who does nothing outside of abandon Alberto. And I honestly think that's a fair reading because that's what we get from the movie. The only person who tells us anything about Bruno is Alberto, when he's in a really low emotional state. (He outs himself, Giulia rejects him, and Luca betrays him. Clearly it stirs up other shit that he's been repressing, most notably being abandoned.) So what we get of Bruno is this really flat, one dimensional picture from the incredibly upset (and slightly unreliable) narrator of Alberto. This, uh, is not very related to your ask, but I felt the need to mention it.

Anyway, moving into hc's and building Bruno into more of a fleshed out character-- I think something like this makes a lot of sense. I recently watched Encanto (like everyone else it seems, but spoilers ahead for those who haven't seen it yet), and one of the discussions I've been seeing about it re:generational trauma is the way that the trauma gets passed down through generations. Like, you Alma, who has lost her home and husband and becomes a single mother, use the gift of the miracle to build and protect her home and community above anything else. Then we see Julieta (Mirabel's mom) continue that same idea in a different form-- where she prioritizes the community's health over herself, putting a lot of time and labor into healing others. Then you see similar pattern in Luisa and Isabela, who both prioritize other's needs above their own. Anyway, this is a long winded way of saying that I agree with you. The way that our parents think about themselves (especially the negative ways), can easily become of the negative ways their children think about themselves.

So Alberto's thoughts of "other people would be better off without me" may likely of come from his father believing that about himself as well. That, for whatever reason, Alberto would be better off without him there. (And your headcannon of maybe that being influenced by a mental illness could work really well, as could just a general feeling of uselessness or something that happened to Bruno in his life.) Obviously the idea of "other people are better off without me" is always incorrect, and it certainly doesn't justify Bruno leaving. But it does give this sort of sympathetic side to his character that rounds him out a bit!

#ask box #long post #hc chitchat #alberto's dad #encanto spoilers

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salamangreatsunlightwolf · 3 years

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Masked Singer Season 5 Review

I haven’t gotten to talk about The Masked Singer here in awhile, but season 5 left me with a lot to talk about after seeing how it nosedived this show into being DEAD television by the end of it.

I’m going to put it all past a read more for you here, because I have over 18000 characters in me to talk about how bad of a season this was apparently. There are also some thoughts about Season 3, and Season 4 (which I skipped reviewing because of how uninteresting it was, but boy did it’s bad qualities have a huge impact on Season 5).

So before I get to dissecting season 5 of the Masked Singer, I have to go back to moments of season 3, and a whole lot of season 4. Season 3 is where we start to see the first inkling of bad tropes occur that persist through season 5 to make it worse. It introduces really obviously weak performances that get the performer to skate by when they shouldn't, leading to the biggest upset I have with the season. Kandi Burruss really shouldn't have won season 3 in my honest opinion. within her first 5 performances, she had two clear duds; her cover of Shout!, and her cover of Man, I Feel Like A Woman. Both were covers that had questionable energy (Shout! less so, but Woman was absolutely unenergetic compared to Twain's original vocal performance), and the latter had a key change to the accompaniment that didn't lend any favors to the energy or vibrancy of the cover. I also need to put into context that what I think is Night Angel's worst performance (Woman) somehow won her a face-off round in season 3 (a forgotten show element from the last two seasons? wowie). Obviously I can say that Jesse McCartney should have won season 3 (I just think he had more consistent performances and output throughout the season), but that's a bit off course. What I really want to get to with Burruss cover of Woman is that it's for all intents and purposes just a middling cover. We'll see these happen more in seasons 4 and 5, but they pan out to usually axing off the contestant. Barring the element of Burruss actually getting eliminated, this is pretty much the first notable Punt Song in terms of performance quality. I want to establish the concept of the Punt Song because it plays a larger role in season 4, and season 5. I also need to establish another trope that season 4 introduced which also cursed season 5, which is excusing bad performances. It panned out so much worse in 4 than in 5, but for 4's sake, Chloe Kim should have been out from her first week. Her performance of Big Girls Don't Cry was weak and mildly sobby, but to the panel it's "emotional", and "it's okay, I'm sure you'll do better next week :)". This performance beat out Wendy Williams cover of Native New Yorker. Was that a great cover by Wendy? No, not really. However, whereas Chloe was a weak, sobbing mess on her first swing at bat, Wendy was bringing the comedy and entertainment factor and should have been safe on that alone. This show failure here is especially notable because having comedic factor in an otherwise bad performance actually pans out successfully in season 5, which makes me question the judges consistency in evaluation from season to season (to be fair though, the judges are Robin Thicke, Ken Jeong, Jenny McCarthy Whalberg, and Nicole Scherzinger. They're already a collective 3/4 of a middling joke). The last part of Season 4 I want to bring up is the usage of the term "taking us to church" in regards to it not only being a cursed term by the end of season 5, but also being a poor reflection on the judges evaluation skills. Look, I get it, this is a Fox competition at the end of the day, so it's obviously hokey pseudo sentimental faux entertainment tailored for white audiences, but don't say someone "took you to church" and then immediately axe them off after that. Yeah, I'm gonna say it; LeAnn Rimes shouldn't have won season 4. Was she bad? No! I just think Taylor Dane was better than her during the week where they axed off Taylor, especially after the panel said that she "took them to church". What did Dane lose to you ask? a somehow more intimate cover of a Billie Eilish song. Is that a bad thing? No, in fact it was pretty good, but I don't think it was good enough to beat what was probably the best performance of season 4. ------------------------------------- Anyways, all of those ramblings from seasons 3 and 4 aside, I'm finally getting to season 5. Yes, I know it took me almost 4000 characters to get here, but I really wanted to go off for a minute and preface the bubbling layers of garbage from the previous seasons that contribute to season 5's flatlining quality out of the gate. If you think a bevy of Punt Songs and poor evaluation amped up another level are all that season 5 has wrong with it, then prepare yourself, because it only gets so much more gimmicky. --- So I'm going to go about this week by week because this show basically was committing sins weekly by this point. So week 1, I'm sorry, but yes, I know seeing Kermit the Frog come out of a snail costume was very : 0 worthy, but Kermit shouldn't have lost that week! His performance wasn't even bad! So what did Kermit lose to anyway? Danny Trejo doing a bad, borderline comedic cover of Wild Thing. You couldn't ask for a more "go home uncle Frank! You're drunk!" performance, but we got it. The judges saw more of a comedy factor in the performance than they needed to see, and let that slip by while they just left Kermit to take the fall. Already not off to a great start (especially since Trejo's character is part funny and part cringey for basically pining after Jenny all season). --- Week 2 is where we get to the first big problem I have with this season, which is letting problematic celebrities be contestants. I'm just going to skirt by Caitlyn Jenner's performance and say that it was maybe a punt song, but to be fair, I don't have high hopes for Jenner having any real vocal prowess. I mean, her cover of Tik Tok sounded like your unamused uncle singing it during karaoke at a family party you barely remember when you were 12. That aside, I just want to point out that Caitlyn Jenner was on this show, immediately lost her first round, then went off to do Caitlyn Jenner things this year like try to become governor of California, and whatever else I forgot she got into the headlines for this week. I don't know the worst representation of a trans woman as a public figure (speaking from a trans woman's perspective) getting this big of a "haha, hehe, hi chum : )" spotlight on national television after everything she's done. Barf me out. --- Week 3 didn't matter too much. Trejo finally got booted after a second performance with bad vocals. However, I want to bring up week 3 for the structural change that it brought to the season that ultimately robbed it of some value. Prior to this season, we had 3 groups in seasons 3 and 4, groups A B and C. Starting in 5, we only have a group A and a group B, but now we have "wild cards". These are performers that get to slot into a groups set of performances for the week and stack against them to make even a "just-safe" performer look cannable. I know what you're probably thinking. "In a show where we're trying to see the gradual performance growth of a performer in order to gauge their consistency and quality, doesn't allowing a performer to come in weeks into the show give them the opportunity to progress further along in the competition with little to the no evaluation?" Yes. It does give them the opportunity, but we'll get to that problem when we get to Omarion's character of The Yeti. For right now though, I'm just going to say this. The wild card group really didn't have any reason to exist if they show could get literally 1 more performer this season (which they technically did). A and B were 5 members each. There are 4 wild cards. All you needed was literally one more regular performer, and the wild cards could have just been group C. This feels like the kind of resource scalping covered up as a fun gimmick that only a large corporation could do for why we have wild cards instead of a group C, but that's where we stand. --- Week 4 is notable for the same reason as week 2. Ugh, do I really have to say it? Yes, Logan Paul was also on this season of the Masked Singer. Yes, one of the problematic Paul brothers. Yes, especially my least favorite one because he's a big reason as to why my hobby of trading cards has had a huge boom for the worse. Yes, I'm going to blame the rise in scalper culture on Logan Paul. Yes, I'm going to blame eBay getting more anal about how every TCG single should be PSA/CCG/etc. graded on a listing on Logan Paul. I just don't like the guy. Why is he here? --- Week 5 is where this show starts to cement itself as dead television. So for those unaware, Nick Cannon, who usually hosts the Masked Singer, was absent for the first third of this season. Filling in for him was Niecy Nash. So where was Nick you ask? Why as a wildcard of course! Nick's wildcard performance was pretty meh all things considered (the only other thing that was meh that week was Nick Lachey's cover of 7 Years, but that's less on him and more on how 7 years is just a bad song for the pop music lexicon). However, Nick's unmasking is where the show really starts to be dead television this season. Before I even get to that, I just want to point out that the costume for Nick Cannon's character just looks absolutely atrocious by season 5 standards. The costume for the Bulldog barely looks like it holds to the standards of season 1 of this show! Anyways, back on track. Nick Cannon decides to pull a "trick" from season 4. Back in season 4, Mickey Rourke forcibly unmasked himself instead of getting voted off. Here, Nick Cannon pops in as a wildcard contestant after being MIA for 4 weeks, just to give a meh performance and then forcibly unmask himself for "shock value", and then be like "hey guys! :D" and resume hosting the show the following week. Eat me. --- Week 6 isn't too notable besides the fact that somehow one of the previous wildcards (Mark McGrath as Orca) somehow go integrated into group A as a member during the same week of them introducing another wildcard, Omarion's "The Yeti". I only bring this up because if they're going to integrate two wildcards into a week and already remove the specialty factor from one of them, then what was even the point of the gimmick? The show would have been better off mix and matching members from groups A and B each week for the performance lineup instead of muddying the group lineups with wildcard characters like this. --- Week 7 is upsetting to me. Two hour special. 8 Performances. Two people out. And who you may ask? Why, wildcard from previous weeks Bobby Brown who was given a super obvious punt song (that he did pretty well on salvaging on the back half of the performance), and Tamera Mowry, who gave a solid pop performance that week. I only bring up Mowry's performance because during that same week, Nick Lachey gave us all a very underwhelming, overly clean performance of Foo Fighters "The Pretender". This is really upsetting because the judge evaluation is extremely suspect here, as they were giving Mowry plenty of legitimate praise, while all they gave Lachey was "wow that was solid. haha ur such a rocker :^)". It's just really upsetting to see how the judges evaluation pans out, because for the record, Lachey won this season, and I honestly think he should have been punted this week. This is also coming from a week where Omarion gave us a cover of Justin Bieber's "Lonely", which is another song I hope desperately leaves the pop music lexicon, because like 7 years, it's a sentimental white boy ballad that just doesn't authentically resonate. --- Week 8 isn't super notable besides the show giving Tyrese Gibson a super obvious punt song, and wow, who would have guessed it, Tyrese Gibson was eliminated that week after being given a super obvious punt song. Zzz. --- Week 9 isn't super notable besides another upset to me. So this week, Hanson (who got eliminated) gave a pretty solid performance of "I'm Still Standing". So what did they lose to you ask? How about Jojo giving us a cover of Ed Sheeran's "Thinking Out Loud" with extremely questionable instrumental accompaniment. I can't remember exactly how I articulated it when I first watched it, but to put it in perspective, when LeAnn Rimes aimed for art, she succeeded. When Jojo aimed for art, it just left me confused. I honestly though Jojo should have gotten the boot here, but c'est la vie. --- Week 10 is where Omarion gets eliminated after being given a punt song (surprise). A middle energy performance of "Celebration" by Kool & The Gang isn't much to write home about, but I sometimes get suspicious of the behind the curtain politics of the show. The same week they give Omarion a super obvious punt song is also the second week in a row where Jojo gives us an artsy take on a song that nobody really knows. I'm not saying that Omarion's repertoire coordinator forced him into taking a punt song that week in order to let Jojo get to the finale, but. Wait, no, nevermind, that is what I'm saying. I feel bad for Omarion here. I do think it's pretty bollocks that Omarion basically got to come into the top 8 playoffs off of only one performance (which is a severe abuse of the wild card mechanic from the show producers), but they actually were trying to go for this neat character arc with the character of the "The Yeti" in the song choice. Like, the writers actually put some care into it, and then they give him a punt song on both a writing and performance level, and it just leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I also just remembered that week 10 is where Donnie Whalberg's character of Cluedle-Doo both performs and unmasks. Cluedle-Doo was another dead television gimmick for the season. See, all the characters get clue packages, but Cluedle-Doo will come in and block certain clues from being revealed to the judges, instead replacing them with clues provided by Doo himself. If that sounds annoying, that's because it is. More so when done by a character pompous attitude that does nothing but interfere. I do want to point out however that when I say that Donne performed, Donnie PERFORMED. There are no two ways about it, Donnie's cover of Return of the Mack was the best performance of this week. The only thing that even came close was the Chameleon. I don't need middling Kool & The Gang covers, I don't need art performances of songs I've never heard, and I don't need a Lewis Capaldi cover done by Nick Lachey (so much emotional white boy music this season. Gag me). I really think that Donnie should have been a regular contest, and I think that Nick Cannon should have been Cluedle-Doo as a gimmick character. It's more obvious, and it makes more sense. Obviously this leaves characters to create and fill slots for, but damnit, don't tease me with one of the best performances of the season just to let it whittle out like that. --- Alright, Week 11...the finale. There really isn't much to say, so I'm just going to cut right to it. I don't know what that cover of "Faithfully" Nick Lachey gave us was. There's an obvious problem with the Masked Singer where the short performance time makes slow burn ballads like faithfully translate poorly. As a result, the emotional arc of the performance feels stunted, and it's capped off with a declaration fest ending in one sustained note for "wow, I don't know anything about a good performance, but I'm easily impressed : 0" bait. This is clearly the weakest performance from the three tonight. Jojo's cover of "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You?" by Michael Bolton is...better than what Nick Lachey gave us, but it has its own problems. The Bolton original earworms on you because of the anguish in Bolton's vocal tone. Jojo is too clean to give us even a smidge of anguish until after she's unmasked. That more forgivable though. I'm not going to forgive Jojo for littering an emotional ballad for multiple unnecessary pop diva vocal runs. They're not appropriate here for emotional flavor. They don't add anything musically. They just feel like a forced device from the executives perspective. They stand out in poor musical taste, and they really take away from what Jojo was trying to do in the chorus. Speaking of, the short form nature of the performances makes doing a double chorus with a key change from one chorus to the next feel like another arc stunt. Just bad direction right there. And finally, Wiz Khalifa as the Chameleon doing Gangsta's Paradise. I'm just gonna say it. Wiz Khalifa got robbed. Hip Hop performers tend to be pretty middling on the Masked Singer, with Bow Wow just beefing it at the end of season 3, and Busta Rhymes being unceremoniously eliminated week 1 of season 4. Wiz was different though. Wiz knew what he wanted to do with not only the character, but also with his performances. Chameleon was by far the most consistent and quality character of the season, with only one marginally middling performance during his run. Wiz's cover of Gangsta's Paradise isn't a masterclass in voice personality, but contextually for the show, it pushed more for what the character was trying to do right at the end where it counts, and the judges failed to evaluate that correctly. Wiz was actually doing sung parts that week. Wiz was engaging with the crowd and judges far more than Jojo and Nick were. Wiz even gave stage presence and his musical presence a real arc in this performance. On top of his already present cool swagger that he had on stage, this was easily the best performance of not only the finale, but also for the Chameleon. It's even up there for the best performances of the season. Giving Wiz third place for two C tier pop ballad performances shows a super evident lack of evaluation skills in the judges, and really reinforces the super obvious ballad bias the show has. --- So anyways, this has been a long one, but I think I got it all out there. Masked Singer season 5 really took the uninteresting quality level of Season 4 and just elevated it to being obvious and gimmicky on top of that. I've seen shows become dead television in my time, but this is a staggering nose dive into the realm of dead television. I "hope" Season 6 is "better" than this (if we even get one. This season might have been so gimmicky because the ratings could have sucked hard), but I'm certain it will be if this is the direction they opted for within just one season. Sorry to talk your ear off, but as someone who likes to think they know what good musical performance is in a context like this after being in many concerts in popular music contexts, this show has really not sustained itself as being "it", chief.

#television review #the masked singer #masked singer season 5 #bad television

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beevean · 3 years

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How about a top 5 (or 10 if you prefer) best and worst bosses in video games? :D

I’m not very well versed in videogames, but anyway...

WORST

10) Chaos 4 (Sonic Adventure): Not a big fan of bosses who waste so much time - ooh, look at that, trying to hit me with very slow, very telegraphed attacks, and taking more and more time to becomes vulnerable the more the fight progresses. Also not a big fan of Tactical Suicide Bosses (excuse me Chaos, why is your strategy “stay in the water for increasingly amounts of time and then decide to raise my head to breathe”? In this form you’re a fish!). Even less of a fan of bosses that you have to fight three times to complete the game.

9) Sonic and Diablon (Shadow the Hedgehog): They couldn’t have come up with a more boring boss if they tried. Shoot the shield, shoot the cannon, avoid the hand, run away when you hear the word “anti-matter”, kick Sonic in the head, slowly chip at the large energy bar, rinse and repeat. The G.U.N. Fortress version is particularly painful, too, as the arena only offers those piss poor pistols with 10 bullets and minimal damage. And much like Chaos 4, you have to fight this lovely boss three times to get to the Last Story, except you don’t even get a different character with different abilities. Also, poor Sonic, from protagonist of the series reduced to nothing more than a footstep.

8) Collision Chaos boss (Sonic CD): Try to play a boss that relies on wonky pinball physics, that shoots projectiles with the only purpose of changing your already precarious trajectory, in the Bad Future that adds slightly more bumpers to destroy, with the American music (I linked the extended version to properly depict the experience). Pain is real.

7) Egg Pinball (Sonic Advance 3): Surprise! I find this boss worse than the more famous Egg Chaser. Yes, the Egg Chaser is very anxiety-inducing with its bottomless pit and the ball chain sending you into it, but once you learn the pattern of the platforms and that Amy as a partner makes it a joke it’s not that bad. This one, though? Even with Amy/Sonic, which is the only team where your partner is useless but you aren’t, this boss relies too much on luck, expecially by the end when way too many balls are flying across the screen. It’s almost funny, in a “screw you” way, that this is one of the two bosses in the game that can’t be hit by Cheese, in the stage where you finally unlock Cream. Pinball and Sonic don’t mix as well as Sonic Team thinks, apparently.

6) Boost Guardian (Metroid Prime 2, Gamecube): This boss’ strategy isn’t even that bad, it’s just that it hits you like a truck in an environment that is already sipping you of health. If being hit was less punishing, guessing the correct timing to jump over it would be fun. Too overkill for its placement in the game.

5) Mother Brain (Metroid Zero Mission): MB in the original Metroid 1 was... there, with the difficulty of the final boss coming from those stupid Rinkas pushing you into the lava below. In the remake, which otherwise is much easier than the original game, you have to think about the Rinkas, the lava, and MB who shots you fireballs! And if you fall into the lava (and you will spend half of the time in the lava)? She closes her eye and protects her only weak spot, forcing you to wait at the mercy of the Rinkas hitting you all over again. Asshole.

4) Dark Gaia (Sonic Unleashed): Dark Gaia, as a whole, is a stain on an otherwise beautiful game. Setting aside his “character” for a while: this boss is way, WAY too long (the first time I clocked at 11 minutes, like hell I’m trying again), the Gaia Colossus phase is frustrating for how slow it is and for having a nigh-unavoidable attack, the running phase requires pitch-perfect timing otherwise say bye bye to your life, and the Super Sonic phase is essentially “slipping down the shield to run over a bunch of snakes, then QTE up your ass”. Riveting. At least it has some banging music...

3) Egg Saucer (Sonic Advance 2): The bosses in SAd2 are already questionable with their “wind pushing you backwards” physics, but this one flings you enough bullshit to make you ragequit. Whoisthisgit made an excellent video explaining everything that makes this boss such a miserable experience. I am so sorry, Knuckles, that you had to be associated with this tragedy.

2) Antlion Mecha (Sonic 2, Game Gear): So let me get this straight devs, you take a boss that is already a little too had as the first boss in the game, you put it in a console with a much smaller screen, you screw up the slope physics making it just a little too easy to slide into the antlion’s jaws (and of course you don’t have any Rings), and on top of that you make the trajectory of the projectiles random when in the Master System they were consistent? Great game design there, guys :V

1) Spider Guardian (Metroid Prime 2, Gamecube): I was never as close as bestemmiare ogni santo e pure il padre eterno as I was when I was trying to beat this abomination. I love the Ing theme, but FUCK if I wasn’t hating every single sound of it while playing, OH MY GOD I envy the people who played it on the Wii so damn much

BEST

10) Robot Carnival/Storm (Sonic Heroes): Yes! Yes, I do like this boss! I’m probably the only one, I don’t care, I find these fights cathartic, especially with Team Chaotix <3

9) Jet Drill (Sonic 3 & Knuckles): The strategy may be simple, but I love the setup of Eggman destroying an ancient garden just to kill Sonic and I love how it emphasizes how much of a reliable bro Tails is. (let’s just ignore the fact that with Tails alone this boss is a pain...)

8) Doomsday Zone (Sonic 3 & Knuckles): The series had its fair share of Super Sonic bosses, but so far no one has beaten the original. It has excellent music, you can feel the tension as you smartly redirect Eggman’s missiles to him and as you chase him down through space, and Eggman in this game is really ready to do anything to win, I love it

7) Beta mk. II (Sonic Adventure): This is probably the best part of Gamma’s campaign. 90% of it is kindergarten-easy, and then Hot Shelter and the final boss are a sudden, but welcome spike in difficulty. Beta mk. II is a far cry from any other E-series robot you’ve faced, being almost completely invulnerable, hitting you with straight up nukes, and the time is still ticking in the corner. Then you add the context of having to kill your brother, and the deceptively upbeat theme, and it becomes a memorable experience.

6) Cykka (Metroid Prime 2): The first phase is fairly boring, but Adult Cykka is really fun to fight for some reason. Not only it has a cool design, but it’s a fast-paced battle (due to having to use the Grapple Beam to swing from platform to platform) where you have to go ham on the boss at certain points (when it becomes Dark Cykka), my two favorite styles for a boss.

5) Nightmare (Metroid Fusion): A name, a certainty. This boss looks, sounds and attacks in a way that makes you feel confused and powerless. Even at it becomes a game of “climb the stairs, shoot at its ungodly face, jump around to avoid it”, it’s still tense.

4) Ridley (Super Metroid): SM isn’t famous for having great bosses, but they put all of their effort into Ridley and it shows. There’s no strategy here, it’s simply “kill him before he kills you”. At this point you’re pretty much at the peak of your strength, you went through literal Hell to get The Baby back, you’re not going to be stopped by the asshole who killed your parents.

3) Shibusawa Keiji (Yakuza 0): What a beast of a final boss. The first Dragon of Dojima is the perfect foil to Kiryu, having all of his strength and style but none of his compassion, and beating him up to a bloody pulp, especially as you see him become sloppier and sloppier, is so, so cathartic. Also, Two Dragons, what more can I say?

2) Egg Dragoon (Sonic Unleashed): Best boss in the series? I don’t know but it’s surely in the top 10, and it’s ironic that you play as the hated Werehog. Not only it has some delicious music (that generations ruined), but it’s such a fun climax after the hell and a half that is Eggmanland! On one hand, Eggman sounds seriously angry and he is ready to kill Sonic (and if you take too much time, which admittedly is hard if you’re not doing it on purpose, he is positively gleeful while he sends you into a fiery death); on the other, Sonic just rips this giant robot apart like tissue paper, and even if it’s done through QTEs, it looks awesome.

1) Kuze Daisaku (Yakuza 0): I’ll let this say it all. If I had to pick a favorite version, the fifth one was my favorite to fight (by that point you have likely upgraded Kiryu’s abilities to the point of making him a juggernaut), but the second one is iconic for a reason... multiple, in fact. “DIE, YOU LITTLE SHIT!”

Special mention to Majima in Y1, YK and YK2 because he looks really fun, but I have never faced him myself so yeah.

#sonic the hedgehog #metroid #yakuza #sorry for the random italian #not my fault you guys don't have a word for insulting god himself #spinningbuster98

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nellied-reviews · 4 years

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Box 953 Re-listen

Well, I got a bit side-tracked by life (seriously, I had to take an impromptu trip to a consulate!) but I am back, and just in time for episode 8 of Wolf 359:

Box 953

In which Eiffel finds a mysterious box, Hilbert really wants to avoid the quarterly talent show and Minkowski is the very model of a modern major general.

Sometimes I'm surprised by these episodes when I get back round to them. This one? Not so much. I think I actually remembered pretty much everything relevant about this episode, going into it: Eiffel is avoiding Minkowski, finds a mysterious box, the mysterious box gets blown up before we see what’s inside it.

And in general, I do like the episode a lot. It's funny, after all, and it does that thing that I'm noticing a lot on the re-listen where the show throws out a big weird mystery, then ends up dropping it with a theatrical shrug of the shoulders. It's a smart thing to do, because all of the unanswered questions ("Do those transmissions really come from Earth?", "There's a plant monster on the loose!", "What's with that weird voice?", "What's in the box?") could be answered in the future, but could just as easily not be. Sure, some of them are super important and interesting in hindsight. But burying the plot-relevant questions under a heap of less relevant but equally intriguing questions disguises them, and means that we're surprised when something like, say, that weird ghost voice comes back later on. Plus it creates the impression that the Hephaestus itself is a setting full of mysteries and weird things. Which is fun.

As we begin, though, all we know is that Eiffel, for whatever reason, is hiding from Minkowski in a store room. Why? Turns out, Minkowski is worryingly invested in their quarterly talent show, while Eiffel is... less than enthusiastic.

And look, I am easily pleased. The idea of the four crew members being forced to participate in a mandatory talent show is very funny to me. The fact that this is quarterly - and so they have, presumably, already suffered through several of them - makes me smile a lot. Eiffel and Hilbert being united in their dread of it? Awesome. I love it. Honestly, it makes me want to consume and/or write fanfic about the Hephaestus' previous talent shows, and the shenanigans that I just know must have been involved.

An another level, though, can we also stop to appreciate how seriously Minkowski takes it all? It's played for laughs throughout, sure, but I do like the fact that Minkowski is the sort of person to go all out and just unselfconsciously embrace the talent show. Her love of musical theatre is so joyful and pure, and I really appreciate it. I think, on some level, it even makes her a more interesting character; instead of going down the well-trodden "I'm a badass with a secret love of something cheesy, which I'm horribly embarrassed of" route, she goes for "I'm a badass with totally non-secret love of something cheesy, which I am totally open and unashamed of." It's a sign of self-confidence, I think, plus a reassuring reminder that Commander Minkowski, badass extraordinaire, nerds out just as hard as the rest of us. (Plus, you really can't be a fan of G&S and take yourself all that seriously, because come on...)

Anyway, the conversation Minkowski and Eiffel then have, and Eiffel's ensuing log entry is just enough to give some tantalising hints of what past talent shows have involved (smoke rings? poetry readings?) before Hilbert calls Eiffel, desperate to avoid the talent show. And his solution? Knock Minkowski out. Because it's Hilbert, so of course that's the answer. *Sighs*.

While Hilbert gets going with that, then, all that remains is for Eiffel to explore the store room. And while this isn’t super relevant, it is a great excuse for a Night Vale-style list of Improbable Weird Things. And seriously, pretty much every single object here is worthy of mention. We have eyeless Russian dolls straight out of a horror movie. We have letters to Santa, a revelation whose implications are both hilarious and baffling. We have Chekhov's cannon, which totally won't be relevant later in the episode.

And in among all this, Eiffel mentions Goddard Futuristics by name for the very first time, which actually surprised me. I thought they'd already come up, since in hindsight, they really do have their fingers in everything going on up on the Hephaestus, even in the first few episodes. But I guess this is their first official mention? And to be fair, I do remember assuming, early on, that this was a military mission. So this is probably the point where we are aware, for the first time, of the corporate context of it all, and the fact that it's Goddard who are basically running a for-profit private army here. Which is... fun.

The dystopian side of that is brushed aside here, though, in favour of just revelling in the out-there weirdness of all the stuff that Goddard have stored up on the Hephaestus. L-shaped Lego pieces? 3 suits of armour? The partial skull of megafauna specimen 58 "to be handled with a vague feeling of existential dread"? It's Warehouse 13, in space!

It's also kind of heartening to see how excited Eiffel is by all this. Like, I know that he essentially got forced to go to space, but he really does have the sense of adventure for it. There's something very sweet about how not-jaded and enthusiastic Eiffel gets, as soon as he encounters something new. And then the plot thickens when he discovers the titular Box 953, which is reserved for Douglas Eiffel. What could possibly be in it? Eiffel, ever curious, is clearly desperate to know.

Before we find out, of course, we're interrupted by Hilbert, whose plan to knock Minkowski out has hone horribly wrong - he's just gotten her drunk. Even better, we get Minkowski's drunken rendition of "I am the very model of a modern major general" in the background during all of this, and kudos to Emma Sherr-Ziarko, because every single thing drunk!Minkowski says from here on out is amazing. From making pirate costumes, to nearly shooting Hilbert over ice cream, to the little hiccup she does, everything about Minkowski here is perfect and wonderful.

It doesn't distract Eiffel for long, though, and soon he's asking Hera what's in the box. She doesn't know, though, and actually can't access those files at all. Instead, she gets the message "Error, inappropriate security clearance", which is pretty creepy. It's the second time in as many episodes, after all, that we hear somebody who isn't Hera speaking through the Hephaestus, and it's a reminder of just how many secrets the station potentially holds. And so all we learn, in the end, is that Box 953 is weird. It's huge, and bolted in place, and it's cold to the touch. Plus it's making a heart beat kind of sound? It's at this point, I noticed, that the background music also cuts away, and we’re left with a weird crackling noise as Eiffel goes to open it. Spooky.

Every part of me was expecting this to be a Pandora's box-type scenario where Eiffel's opening the box would unleash something terrible and all hell would break loose. So when we hear something explode, it seems like confirmation of this... except when we cut back to Eiffel, several in-universe hours later, we learn that the problem wasn't Eiffel opening the box. In fact, Eiffel didn't manage to open the box; the explosion was from Minkowski setting off the cannon. It seems like a lot happened in the three hour gap in the recording (not least, Minkowski ended with burns and frostbite?) and as a result, Box 953 was lost to the vacuum of space. Bummer.

And then that's it. Episode over. Everyone is safe and well, and the station is fine. But we don't learn what was in the box, and I don't think it really come up again? I googled it, and I think I saw a suggestion that it's the simulation-y machine from Change of Mind? But I don't remember the connection really being commented on, and even then it doesn't explain why it's specifically Eiffel's name on the box now. Like... what situation would Command have been expecting him to use it in? Why? How? So many questions, all of them unanswered!

And I suppose that's fine, at the end of the day. I enjoyed this episode, I loved the talent show idea, and I didn't mind the weird storeroom bits. I can imagine that some people probably felt cheated by the lack of answers we got here - and Eiffel's own anger and frustration as the episode ends maybe feels like a concession to those people. But personally, I'm more than willing to leave it as a riddle for the ages. If this had developed into something more later on, that would have been fun. As it is, I didn't mind it one bit, though. As long as you don't overdo it, weirdness for weirdness' sake can be plenty entertaining.

Plus, drunk Minkowski is a gift to us all :)

Miscellaneous thoughts:

So I checked out the poem that got name-dropped in this episode, Sylvia Plath's Lady Lazarus, and holy smokes, disturbing much? In an interesting kind of way, sure, but still disturbing...

"You can't solve all your problems by knocking them out." "You know, people keep saying that, and yet my problems keep going away."

D'awww Hilbert is enjoying this, isn't he?

I bet your alcohol tolerance goes way down in space. Hmm...

"Eiffel, you do not understand, there is singing."

"Swashes and buckles, Hilbert, swashes and buckles."

Also, it sounds like Hera has absolutely no objections to the talent show, and is just busy practicing her lines? What a cutie ^-^

"I don't know if it was a warning shot or if she just missed." Scared Hilbert is 100% not what I'm used to.. Is this the most frightened we ever hear him?

Don't think I missed Eiffel finding Dr. Fourier's diary :'( (another thing linking this episode to Change of Mind?)

#wolf 359 #wolf359 #w359 #wolf 359 relisten #box 953 #nellied reviews #a solidly entertaining episode #and pleasantly low-stakes #I would 100% watch a version of Warehouse 13 set in space

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tokiro07 · 3 years

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I was thinking about Medaka yesterday as I am wont to do, and I realized something

Her Skill, The End, is way more broken than I ever gave it credit for

Consider the fact that she copies Aka’s Five Focus Skill by HEARING about it. This process is described as playing Telephone with other people’s powers, which implies that Medaka can actually customize the exact parameters of powers she gets. This is already somewhat true anyway, as The End’s specific ability is to perfect abilities and techniques, but now she doesn’t even have to have to start with an accurate base and could potentially create new abilities by thinking of them

So what if she were to cross over into other contexts?

In the Dragon Ball world? Medaka could definitely master any given ki technique: Kamehameha, Dodonpa, Destructo Disk, Hellzone Grenade, Special Beam Cannon, FInal Flash, Spirit Bomb. Everyone has ki, it’s just a matter of knowing how to use, Medaka can definitely do it easily. Abilities that are specific to certain races? You’d think she can’t do those cus she doesn’t have the physiology for it, but given that she has witnessed many Skills from Ajimu that allowed her to alter her physiology to match various animals, it’s not hard to imagine Medaka being able to alter her physiology to match aliens, even if she has to create a new Skill for it on the spot. In doing so, she’d have access to Namekian regeneration and asexual reproduction, Majin pliability and absorption, and most importantly, Saiyan transformation. Given that she has perfected versions of both Maguro’s Analysis and Naze’s Remodeling, she could very easily determine the exact biological mechanism of the Super Saiyan form (gathering S-Cells to a specific point at the base of the neck) and then remodel her own cells to have the characteristics of S-Cells. This would probably be especially simple for her because she already basically has her own human equivalent of Super Saiyan in her War, Altered and End God Modes, so she’d probably combine the concepts to create Super God Mode. Even if she can’t do that, it probably wouldn’t matter, because she’d have absolutely no problem learning Ultra Instinct (which is very similar to the perfected form of Auto Pilot that she got from Takachiho) and attaining divine ki to enter a new form that she’d probably call True God Mode (being that she’d be using the literal powers of a god)

How about One Piece? She could definitely learn Haki, and would most certainly have Conqueror’s Haki (”she’s not used to standing in front of others, she’s used to standing above others”, Hitoyoshi, chapter 1), but the much more pressing question is whether or not she could copy Devil Fruit. The short answer is no, but the long answer is that she doesn’t have to. As I said before, all she needs to know is that a power exists in order to copy it, she doesn’t need to have a complete understanding of it. Since Ajimu has an inexhaustible number of abilities, chances are good that any ability that can be used by a Devil Fruit (being made of rubber, turning into a specific animal, etc.) is something that Ajimu is also capable of if she didn’t demonstrate it directly to Medaka, so while Medaka wouldn’t become a Devil Fruit user by interacting with one, she would definitely be able to replicate the abilities of their Devil Fruit without losing her ability to swim

Naruto? Any given jutsu, for sure, and as we established earlier, Kekkei Genkai should be no problem. Not that she’d need to bother with something like the Sharingan, since for all intents and purposes, The End is a perfected Sharingan: not only can she visually break down any technique or ability she sees through Observation and then perfectly replicate it, she also improves it and doesn’t even necessarily need to personally witness it in the first place. The only advantage she’d get from the Sharingan would be unlocking the Mangekyou Sharingan without needing to witness the death of someone close to her, but even then, she’s literally watched Hitoyoshi die twice, so she’s got that covered too

Bleach? She’d need to awaken spiritual sense first, but given that normal people did so just by being around Ichigo for an extended period of time, that’s not too much of a stretch. After that, any given kido or reiryoku technique would be easy enough, but anything beyond that is a bit trickier. I think she could copy the abilities of a Zanpakuto, but she wouldn’t necessarily manifest one just because she’s copied one. That said, if Medaka were to get an Asauchi (a blank Zanpakuto base), she would most likely be able to use the Shikai and Bankai of any Shinigami she faces (even if they don’t have their Bankai yet, I’d imagine), and would possibly be able to use the abilities of Arrancar as well. I’m willing to bet that her Zanpakuto would actually be Asauchi itself, as they are ostensibly considered the “ultimate Zanpakuto” due to their infinite possibilities. Though obviously her mother was never attacked by a Hollow, it’s not hard to imagine Medaka being able to use Fullbring just from being exposed to Hollow reiryoku, which would definitely linger on any Shinigami even in miniscule amounts. I imagine that she’d choose either the flowers from completed suggestions or the Medaka Box itself as her Fullbring, given how much weight they hold for her. Getting a Hollow mask and become a Visored would probably be a simple task too just from understanding how to manipulate reiryoku and knowing what a Hollow is, which in turn would likely allow her to use the specific powers of any Hollow she meets or learns of. Quincy techniques are generally related to specialized equipment, but with enough control of her own reiryoku, she could probably recreate any generic Quincy technique and even Yhwach’s Letters

Shaman King? Same deal as Bleach, she needs to unlock spiritual sense first, but once she has, she would definitely be able to master both Hyoi Gattai and Over Soul in no time, as well as being able to act as a medium like Anna. Now, when using Over Soul, the resulting abilities are based on a number of factors, such as the identity of the spirit in question, the medium channeling said spirit, the imagination of the shaman, and the quality of the spirit. While Medaka could probably make something like O.S. Spirit of Sword with just any spirit and any medium, the Over Soul itself would lose potency by nature of the incompatibility of the shape, the spirit and the medium. Of course, that’s assuming that she’s using any old spirit. We already know that Medaka’s mother Hato, who is of similar monstrous skill to Medaka, was able to manifest herself to Medaka in her inner world, so if Medaka were able to commune with the dead, I think it’s fair to say that she would, without question, enlist Hato as her guardian spirit. With that, all issues of compatibility go out the window; the combination of the two of them with their superhuman abilities would, without doubt, allow Medaka to recreate any Over Soul she wants without difficulty, likely all channeled through something like her signature fan

The only power system I can think of that may pose any semblance of difficulty to Medaka would be Hunter X Hunter’s Nen, but even then, her nature more than makes up for any deficit. Right off the bat, Medaka would be a Specialist capable of at least 100% proficiency in all six Hatsu categories. As demonstrated by Ging copying and extrapolating Leorio’s Emission Hatsu, Medaka could very easily deconstruct and recreate the mechanisms of other Nen user’s Hatsu, but she could not use The End to perfect a Hatsu. Since Hatsu are empowered by their weaknesses and limitations, the act of removing those weaknesses would make a Hatsu less effective. She could potentially add her own limitations to increase their output, which she would probably do anyway, but striking the balance between limitation and impracticality might still prove somewhat difficult for Medaka, especially since most Hatsu are highly personalized. That said, this is only a problem if Medaka constrains herself to using Nen in those contexts; if Medaka wanted to reinterpret a Hatsu as a Skill, there’s very little to stop her from doing so. Kurapika Chain Jail? Chain conjuration Skill + enemy is powerless when bound in chains Skill. No limitations needed. Beyond that, simpler Hatsu would be easy; Reinforcement Hatsu very rarely use limitations because of the nature of how basic Nen manipulation works, Transformation Hatsu just change the characteristics of one’s aura, and Emission just removes Nen from the body, all very simple techniques to recreate. Manipulation and Conjuring would be more difficult, but again can be circumvented through Skill Creation

Even Undead Unluck, where abilities are granted by one’s metaphysical connection to an eldritch manifestation of natural laws, Medaka could again easily just create a Skill to approximate the ability. It’s not like immortality and luck manipulation haven’t been explicitly shown in the context of Medaka Box.

Basically, while it seems like one could say “Medaka is only OP in the context of Medaka Box,” the fact that The End is effectively meant to be “plot armor as a super power” makes it vague enough to be applicable in any given context, circumventing the limitations of other universes. It can easily be extrapolated to be used on the physical, genetic, mental, spiritual, and even magical level, and even if it can’t, all that revelation would do is reveal to Medaka that The End is imperfect and thus needs to be further fine-tuned to perfect itself. The only real limitation on The End is Medaka’s own ability to understand how both it and the target actually work (since she wasn’t able to copy Styles until she learned how to actually use one of her own and has never been shown directly creating a Skill despite the fact that she should be able to with The End or Hanten’s Skill Creation ability)

I guess what I’m really trying to say here is that any “what-if” match up against Medaka is inherently doomed to end either in her favor or a tie at best if the opponent is similarly OP because her character was literally designed to be capable of overcoming anything in a similar vein to heroes like Superman or Goku, and there’s a certain schoolyard joy in knowing that the protagonist of my favorite series can stand shoulder to shoulder with the likes of them

#medaka box #analysis #my theories #long post

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monabela · 4 years

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I'm back! well I guess on this blog it's not odd that I don't post for a while but still. I'm back! and since it's @aphrarepairweek2020 and I made best friends with a little girl on my mail round when she followed me through two streets and helped me put mail in mailboxes, this is the perfect time to indulge this ship that I'm not sure is actually a thing or I made up myself, and some kidfic (sort of)! this is for day 2, thunderstorm :0

~~~

(rain’s a part of) how life goes

pairings/characters: Poland (Feliks)/Sweden (Berwald), Sealand (Peter), Ladonia (Lars)

word count: 2419

summary:

Even if Feliks is still unsure of how he fits into the lives of Berwald’s sons, there is only one thing he can do when one of them is afraid of a thunderstorm.

~~~

Feliks is just about to put in his earbuds to listen to a podcast, when he hears a small, unfamiliar sound over the rain clattering against the windows, crashing into the sea somewhere near. He puts his phone down next to his crossed legs. Listens.

He can still hear the shower, barely, so it can’t be Berwald already. Maybe he dropped something, in there. His depth perception is awful without his glasses; Feliks wouldn’t be surprised. Hopefully, he’s almost done cleaning by now, anyway. Taking a shower during a thunderstorm isn’t the best idea, and Feliks feels a little guilty, since he was the one who dropped his drink on Berwald.

Thankfully, they’ve been dating long enough now that he doesn’t feel the terrible embarrassment he’s sure would have overwhelmed him in the beginning.

It seems to be silent now, or relatively so, given the downpour outside.

A clap of thunder, and another noise just out in the hall. Feliks half-turns to look over the back of the couch as the living room door opens, and a small, pale face peers through the gap, single blue eye wide. Ah, of course.

“Dad?” comes the usually so loud voice of Berwald’s eldest son, now just above a whisper. Feliks laces his fingers together in his lap, and takes a deep breath.

“Your dad’s taking a shower, Peter,” he says, smiling in what he hopes is a reassuring way when the boy spots him. Both Peter and his younger brother Lars know him well enough by now—he’s spent enough time around their father lately—but Feliks can’t deny that being around the boys still makes him a little nervous, if only because he knows they mean the world to Berwald and he’s terrified of somehow doing wrong by them. Having kids was never something he seriously thought about, because he just didn’t think he would be any good with them. The little Oxenstierna family is doing their best to prove him wrong.

“Oh,” Peter is saying, and he is already closing the door when the thunder rolls again, and he practically sprints into the living room instead, halting next to the couch. He’s clutching the hem of his pajama shirt with his small fingers, knuckles whitening. Feliks shakes his thin hair out of his face, meeting Peter’s eyes.

“Are you…” He tilts his head, assessing how Peter appears to be trying to control his fear. “Did you want to check on your dad, Peter?”

Peter nods vigorously, grateful, and Feliks can’t help but smile.

“Is he afraid of the thunder?”

Nodding again, Peter shuffles a little closer. His pajama shirt has a pirate ship on it, and the pants are printed with tiny rapiers and skulls, but he is no longer wearing the eyepatch and hat he had on this evening, when he insisted the trampoline in the backyard was his pirate ship and tried to get his brother to walk the plank multiple times, in increasingly loud pirate brogue. Lars kept refusing, of course, and Feliks had been tasked with distracting Peter. He could probably do so again, even if there’s no way he’ll go out and try to do tricks on the trampoline again like he’s seventeen and still dreaming of a career in gymnastics. Not in this weather.

More thunder.

Peter winces, hands wringing into his shirt. Feliks’s heart clenches. With how boisterous he is, it’s easy to forget that Peter is still just a six-year-old boy, who wants his father to comfort him during a storm even if he’s too proud to admit it.

“I’m afraid of thunder, too, you know,” Feliks tells him, which isn’t true—thunder is one of the few loud noises he actually doesn’t mind—but that doesn’t matter.

“I’m not!” Peter insists, even as he climbs on to the couch next to Feliks, who grasps his shoulder to steady him. “I’m a pirate, an’ pirates are never afraid!”

“Yeah? You must be worried about your ship, like, with all this rain, right? The waves must be huge.” Feliks holds his breath while Peter sits close to him, pulling his legs up on the couch and wrapping his arms around his knees.

“My ship is undestroyable,” he declares. “It’s called—it’s called Storm Dee-mise!”

That one’s Feliks’s fault; he inadvertently taught Peter the word demise just this afternoon as he tried to think of a name for his trampoline ship, and the boy has used it in all the names he’s come up with since then, of which there have been about twenty. He’s got a very vivid imagination.

“An’ it’s got cannons that’re louder than the thunder, an’ the sails—” He cuts himself off at a particularly loud roll of thunder that seems to shake the house and follows the lightning almost immediately. He scoots closer to Feliks, who tentatively holds out his arm at just the right height for the boy to duck underneath it. After a second, he does so, nestling himself against Feliks’s side.

God, if his twenty-year-old self could see him now, Feliks thinks. Or even his thirty-four-year-old self of two years ago, when he’d first been introduced to Berwald through mutual friends, most of whom had been as surprised as Feliks himself when they started dating. Partly because Berwald had children, and Feliks supposes he’s never been known for his great social skills, whether with children or adults, and partly because everyone still remembered that he had been very intimidated by the tall man when they’d first met. And Feliks says strange things when he’s intimidated.

There’s only so much time you can spend awkwardly standing next to each other not knowing what to say while your friends blather on, though. And once they started, it proved difficult to stop.

“Hey, Pete,” he says, softly, and he thinks it’s the first time he’s called the boy that, the first time it’s felt appropriate.

Peter looks up at him from underneath his arm, blue eyes mirroring his father’s. Feliks has no idea where those dark eyebrows he’s currently drawn into a frown have come from, though.

“Are you still scared?” Peter asks manfully.

“A little.” Feliks shakes his hair away again. “Do you think I could come onto the Storm’s Demise?”

“’Course.” He burrows further into his side and the couch cushions at another clap of thunder, following the lightning flashes ever closer now.

“I bet you can’t even, like, hear the thunder belowdecks, right?”

Peter nods against his ribs. Still cautious, Feliks reaches for the mop of blond hair hiding his face, and cards his fingers through it. It’s all sticking up even more than usual. He must have spent some time tossing and turning in bed before this. For a young boy, it’s far too late to be up, especially after all that trampoline excitement. It’s not something Feliks thinks he would have even known a year ago, but he’s concerned about it now.

“Your dad would like to be on the ship too, I bet.”

“Lars can come too,” Peter mumbles through a yawn, and he glances up with half-lidded eyes when Feliks can’t help but chuckle at that.

“Good! That’s good, Pete. You look after your little brother.”

“He’s only five. He’s a baby.” The words are mumbled into his hoodie. Well, Berwald’s hoodie. Maybe Peter finds the fact that it smells like laundry and wood as comforting as Feliks does. “I’m six years old.”

“Yeah, you are. Do you know how many years old I am?”

Peter looks up appraisingly, silent for a long moment save for the rain pounding against the glass like an unwanted stranger. The sound of the shower has stopped, but Feliks couldn’t say how long ago that happened.

“Dad’s forty years old,” Peter eventually says, thoughtful. Berwald is thirty-nine, but it’s almost his birthday, so that’s fair. “You must also be forty.”

Fair enough.

“Almost,” Feliks replies, and Peter smiles proudly, probably glad to have worked out that puzzle, and he still winces when there’s more thunder, but is still smiling when it’s over.

“Uncle Søren is thirty-seven,” he starts recounting, “an’ Ashleigh is six also and Refik is seven an’…”

Feliks tunes him mostly out while he lists the ages of all the neighborhood children, his grandparents—which he’s pretty sure are wrong, because he’s met Berwald’s parents and doesn’t think either of them looked anywhere near a hundred-and-twenty—and then who knows who else. He just ruffles the boy’s hair every once in a while, when there’s more thunder, even though Peter barely seems to notice at this point, caught up as he is.

Not for the first time, Feliks catches himself thinking that Peter has inherited his father’s logical mind, to be so fascinated with numbers, and then, definitely for the first time, he thinks, well, there’s something I can help him with when he’s older, because Feliks likes numbers too. They’re nice and straightforward, don’t change values depending on context. He thinks about helping Peter or Lars with math homework in a house he designed, at a kitchen table Berwald has built, and it’s a bit of a terrifying thought, but not so scary that he refuses to think it. Not so scary that it can’t be a silent hope.

He would have locked it away, not so long ago. The Oxenstiernas are teaching him things in more than one way. Or maybe he’s just finally growing up as he nears forty.

“Feliks?” A heavy hand on his shoulder. Feliks startles out of his daydream. Looks down at Peter, who is silent now, and—oh, he has fallen asleep tucked against him, one hand grasping the hoodie.

Swallowing heavily, Feliks shifts his gaze up, to where Berwald is smiling down at him. His eyes are bright in that way that Feliks has realized by now suggests warmth. It’s easy to mistake it for judgment, or indifference, but he knows now that Berwald cares deeply about many things, his sons above all. You just have to know to look for it.

“Everything okay here?” he’s asking now. He reaches over to where Feliks is still absently stroking Peter’s hair and pushes it out of the boy’s closed eyes. “Pete couldn’t sleep?”

“I convinced him I was the one who was scared of the thunder,” Feliks whispers, briefly wondering if maybe that was the wrong thing to do—because surely, it’s important for Peter to learn that it’s okay to be afraid of things himself—but Berwald smiles, familiar laugh lines forming around his eyes.

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, sure, like…” He doesn’t know what to say, so he just looks down at the boy peacefully sleeping against his side. “Of course. He’s… Of course.”

Berwald walks around the couch silently and gazes down at the two of them, seemingly similarly lost for words. He has already changed into his pajamas. Quite unexpectedly, Feliks is out of breath at how quaint this all is, and how much he wants to keep it. He blinks rapidly as Berwald crouches down. The man rests one hand on Feliks’s leg while he gently touches his son’s forehead with the other, callused thumb smoothing away a frown as it appears. Peter doesn’t wake. Berwald looks up at Feliks, who chews on his lip until he reaches up and cups his jaw.

“Okay?” Berwald asks, his voice deeper than the rolling thunder but infinitely more soothing.

In response, Feliks smiles, and untangles his fingers from Peter’s hair, careful not to jostle him, to run both hands through Berwald’s short hair instead until he’s cupping the back of his head and Berwald is leaning up with his leg as leverage to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. He smells like shampoo now. Feliks smiles, ruffling his hair this time.

“Alright,” Berwald mumbles, pushing himself to his feet, dropping a kiss on top of Feliks’s head as he goes, “let’s get him back to bed. ‘S too late to be up.”

Nodding, Feliks shifts so Berwald can gather his son into those strong arms of his. He could probably pick Feliks up with the same ease, but it’s never come up. Peter sniffles and curls into his father’s broad chest, but doesn’t wake even as thunder rolls again.

As Berwald moves towards the stairs, Feliks decides to follow, turning off the lights in the living room and carefully closing the door so it doesn’t rattle in the wind that will inevitably creep in. While Berwald tucks his son back into bed, Feliks brushes his teeth, changes into his pajamas, and uses the bathroom, and they meet again on the landing in front of Berwald’s bedroom, where Feliks smiles softly and starts to whisper something about Peter, when Berwald leans over and kisses him, grasping his face with those big hands.

Feliks hooks his fingers into the man’s old T-shirt, smiling into the closemouthed kisses pressed against his lips.

“Thank you,” Berwald mutters, again.

“It’s nothing.”

“’S not, Feliks.” His gaze is intense in the low light coming from his bedroom, blue eyes nearly transparent behind his glasses. “You know it’s not.”

Of course it’s not, but…

Not sure what to say, Feliks just presses his face into Berwald’s warm neck, standing on his tiptoes, breathing in his clean scent and listening to his steady heartbeat. The man rests his chin on top of his head, folding him into his arms. It feels secure, in a way that few things have done in Feliks’s life, and he think he might understand how Peter felt, safe from the thunderstorm. He isn’t the boy’s father and will never be, but maybe, maybe, Feliks could mean something similar to him.

Thunder rolls. Feliks swallows.

“You’re doing great,” Berwald says softly.

He wants to muffle words into the man’s neck, wants to tell him he loves him, and may very well love his sons too, but Feliks can’t bring himself to say it quite yet. It’s a truth he didn’t think he’d ever get to say, so it can wait a while longer. Just a while.

It won’t be long.

A small noise, down the hall. They both look at the wide blue eyes underneath a mop of ginger hair, peering around the bedroom door with Lars painted on it in a child’s clumsy hand, the s backwards.

“Dad?”

Berwald kisses Feliks’s forehead and trails his fingers down his arm as he walks over to his youngest son. Feliks smiles, and wanders after him.

#aphrarepairweek2020 #svepol #Hetalia #aph poland #aph sweden #aph sealand #fin #w: 2500 #u: human #I was gonna go with a different name for sweden #but i think for now i'll only do that when he's a background #character #maybe #is this named after the only vienna teng song i know?#maybe.#u: rpw

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davidmann95 · 5 years

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Thoughts on this week's comics?

Once & Future #1: On the final day of my local comic book store’s operation (don’t worry, I’ve I think found a new place close to where I work) they finally got the sixth and last printing of this baby, and what an odd comic. I absolutely dig it, but just in terms of pacing and the rhythms of the dialogue, this feels much more to me like a Morrison joint than Gillen? Maybe it’s just because I associate Dan Mora with Klaus. Anyway, I’m late to the party on this one but yeah, it’s good.

No One Left To Fight #4: It hasn’t been as good as the first issue got me to hope, and I don’t think it’s going to change that with apparently just one issue left, but this is still solid and definitely worth a look once it drops in trade for DBZ fans.

DIE #8: Gillen’s always been a guy who works best for me on reread, but between this and Peter Cannon he’s working overtime lately to jump a few notches even further upward in my estimation. And I cannot believe a monthly comic, even one with breaks built in, can look this gorgeous.

Marvel Comics #1001: God what a shitshow! I repeatedly referred to Marvel Comics #1000 as nothing short of a minor miracle, and I’ll stand by that. But while that was an exceptional if by no means perfect realization of its intent as a celebration of Marvel’s history, this is a truly shameless dumping ground, with only two teasing story-lite bookending Ewing pages to lure in chumps like me. I think there’s something like 3-4 notably at least *okay* other stories in here, with everything else ranging from empty calories to bizarre to total crap. Worst I’ve spent about dropping my money on a book in some time.

Fantastic Four #15: I’ll admit to being a little perplexed about the strength of the negative reaction to the title right now. I’d be the first to admit it’s a complete embarrassment in the context of being the Richards families’ grand return, but it’s perfectly fine superhero comics, even if I’ll likely drop it after this arc.

Absolute Carnage: Immortal Hulk #1: The gold standard of event tie-ins - it fits well with the event, with the main book (even if Ewing’s assured nothing plotwise here is going to feed back into the main title...though honestly, I’m a touch skeptical depending on how Absolute Carnage proper goes, I could see something in here playing out in Immortal while requiring fairly minimal explanation), and it hits us with an extra little dose of seeing how the current status quo plays with Marvel at large since it’s typically in isolation without diluting the flavor of either side. A+.

Bizarre Adventures #1: Actually really good but it should be a federal crime that the initial solicit promised a Chris Onstad story and this didn’t deliver, without even at least some sort of formal apology.

Daredevil #12: Oh, Willie. WhatEVER are we going to do with you?

House of X #6: Okay, I’ve tried to avoid blanket “anyone who doesn’t like these books just doesn’t GET IT, MAN” statements, but I haven’t been subtle in finding a lot of the criticisms of how the X-Men are changing up how they operate/express themselves as a minority metaphor...charged. I’ve already had reason recently to think I was being too broad even with that though, but with this issue? The idea that Professor X was psychically manipulating people into going along with this seemed like a dumb, boring as shit way of reckoning with the new status quo, but maybe that merits a rethink, because holy shit. Anyway this is still fire and I can’t believe I give a fuck about the X-Men now, one issue left until this run properly starts. Jesus.

The Immortal Hulk #24: I’ll admit I’ve been finding the conclusion of the General Fortean story merely excellent rather than mind-blowingly transcendent recently, and while I wasn’t disappointed I was ready for things to properly kick back into high gear. THAT IS CERTAINLY NOT A PROBLEM ANYMORE, TRUE BELIEVERS.

Batman #80: I’m still down for it, both this bit in isolation as the triumphant comeback lead in to the finale, and the run as a whole. And while I think he’s been doing his best work in a VERY long time recently and I’m glad to see he’ll be joining Tynion, I’m glad Daniel is taking a backseat to Mann, Romita Jr., and soon Janin for concluding City of Bane, given it’s now also the ending of King’s time on Batman proper even if he’s still finishing his story elsewhere.

Lois Lane #4: It’s extremely weird that this is a Renee Montoya book co-starring Lois Lane but if Greg Rucka wants to write a Gotham Central/52 followup I’m not gonna...question it.

Legion of Super-Heroes: Millennium #2: DANG! Taken as a whole with the first issue given it clearly should have been a big one-shot, this is easily the best thing Bendis has done since the DC jump outside the Superman books, and I’m properly pumped for Legion now. Jeff Dekal and Ryan Sook in particular take my breath away once apiece in here.

The Green Lantern #12: With the season finale on the stands, I’d say it’s now more than fair to call Green Lantern Morrison’s weakest superhero output of the 21st century. Which doesn’t mean it’s not a hoot, it’s still Morrison, but again, I’ve yet to see anything at all that convinces me Morrison isn’t doing this on autopilot in-between his TV commitments. Admittedly Morrison on autopilot has its own unique charms, just spraying odd archetypal superhero concepts and sci-fi jargon at you to fill up space; this feels like one of his ad-hoc superhero teams such as the Status Quorum or the Cometeers or one of the throwaway Multiversity Earth ideas slouching to a sort of independent pseudo-life and throwing off neat ideas like an isotope bursting radiation, not fully-formed but perhaps in its own way all the more beautifully off-kilter and primally iconic in the process. Not enough to make up for the absence of him actually trying, you understand, but certainly unique and still an experience I enjoy every month. Please god though, don’t let this and Wonder Woman: Earth One Vol. 3 whenever that happens be his last major superhero works. One last Justice League story, Arkham Asylum 2 like he said, Superman Squad, something.

Doom Patrol: Weight of the Worlds #4: Venom exists in the DCU and it’s an evil speedo, this is objectively a perfect comic book. I liked the original Way run a lot even if I could never remember what was going on, but I’m stunned with every issue what a level-up this second volume has been, at least for my money.

Justice League #33: I think the book’s sagging a bit at the moment, since Justice/Doom War is clearly a feint for whatever the real finale is going to be in 2020 and I don’t think Snyder/Tynion work quite as well as an apparently full-on writing team as they do when simply trading off issues and letting their individual strengths shine. Still the best straight-take capeshit on the stands though, make no mistake.

Young Justice #9: If Namoi was the return of the Bendis who tried writing sincere stuff near the end of his time at Marvel but was too burned out at that point to make it work anymore, this is the Avengers guy who’s freewheeling and kinda screwing around where he should be getting to brass tacks but still has his moments. I might end up dropping this book, but it’s still at least got me through the end of this arc.

DCeased #5: This book’s been disappointing me more than a bit the last couple issues given how good it SHOULD be with how much it plays into Tom Taylor’s greatest strengths. The ending on this one, however? Is one I’m going to remember forever, and Trevor Hairsine sells the absolute hell out of it. Propelled to my favorite of the week just on the back of that.

#Week's Comics #House of X #Jonathan Hickman #X Men #Grant Morrison #Opinion

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cassandra-bites · 5 years

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the third issue of DIE was ... a lot. I’m only beginning to understand it, and only very imperfectly. But I keep coming back to it, and have now collected myself enough to think aloud. Spoilers beneath the cut.

DIE makes use of poetic structures from the very first issue. There are rhymes everywhere - die, lie, cry, deny, defy, dry, spy, eye. Sol wearing a die in each eye is as poetic as it is logical.

I thought I was reaching really badly, thinking of DIE in poetic terms, and gave up thinking about it. This issue makes me want to keep thinking. It’s set up as a chiasmus of sorts: it begins with dungeons and dragons and ends with a (dead) dragon and a (march into a) dungeon, and in the process the meaning of dungeon and the meaning of dragon are both radically changed.

Between the appearance of the dragon and its death, Ash ends up in a hole. It is, to cite Tolkien and his reference character in the comic, a “nasty, dirty, wet hole” -- a trench that Stephanie Hans makes immediately evocative of WWI and the trench fever the historical person named Tolkien caught there. In this fictional trench, Ash encounters four hobbit-sized soldiers: a dead ringer for Frodo who proudly displays the wedding ring that weighs on him and is never invisible, his brave Samwise-equivalent who dearly wishes to see elves and whose eyes have melted out, a dead (halved - the pun was a little gruesome) halfling named “Mister P”, and another dead, unnamed fourth friend (Merry is not a word to be applied here). After the Frodo character dictates a letter to Luthi, the wife who references the name Tolkien associated with his own wife, it becomes clear there will be no “there and back again” for him either. His death is punctuated by the appearance of an officer who wears Tolkien’s face and cites his pipe-smoking habit. He does some interesting editing work on a passage from The Hobbit, switching what was nice to what is nasty, replacing life with death:

“In a hole in the ground there lived died a hobbit an Englander. Not a nasty, dirty, wet nice hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort., but a nasty, dirty, wet hole, a charnel hole ...” (the bold bit is added in the comic; the final bit is, however, not wholly new, but a reversal of the order in which those words were originally used)

Ash recognizes the reference and the person for whom the officer stands, deconstructs the whole down to its seemingly simple, idealized, dismissible parts, recognizing that she is seeing fictional references in context - in context that is at once fictional, trope-y, and reflective of real facts of Tolkien’s biography, of the real sacrifices and horrors of war - and struggles to come to terms with the hurt she feels. The Die-representative of Tolkien responds with another transformative line: “Allegories are ugly. But poetry? Poetry is poetry, and war poetry most of all.”

This line arrested me when I first saw it, mostly because of the quadruple repetition of the word poetry in a context defined by fours: Ash has the D4 in her chest, plus there are the four dead hobbits (and four that will replace them in the closing sequence, walking into the dungeon in another flip, this time of “one does not simply walk into Mordor”). But I had zero inkling of what it could mean until I found the citation it reframes. In response to readers who insisted on reducing his books to allegories for historical events or ideas, to fixed, defined, unchanging, top-down issued references, Tolkien wrote:

“I cordially dislike allegory in all its manifestations, and always have done so since I grew old and wary enough to detect its presence. I much prefer history, true or feigned, with its varied applicability to the thought and experience of readers. I think that many confuse 'applicability' with 'allegory'; but the one resides in the freedom of the reader, and the other in the purposed domination of the author.” -- foreword to Fellowship of the Ring

Gillen thus replaces “history” with “poetry” and “war poetry” (a potential label for the issue itself), but keeps the opposition to allegories that dictate how a story should be read and interpreted.

The ending of the issue seems to reflect that desire to privilege readerly liberty, to open up a singular set of references to a question that concerns all readers - world war. (The closing image does this too, putting the reader right behind the four soldiers, as though to say - will you follow?) “Where would we have been if we were sixteen in 1914?” asks Matt. “Who volunteers to come to a dungeon?” Ash asks, concluding: “Better people than us”. The line calls back to how, in the eyes of the Frodo stand-in, she stood for the “high folks”, in contrast to the “low” “likes of us” used as cannon-fodder for "wizards and their schemes”. The final image has four Prussian hobbits, indistinguishable from the four who just died, killing the eagle sent to deliver the message for Luthi. Their officer (is he a reference too?) reads the letter, a letter any one of them would have wanted to send in the same situation, tells them they have stopped propaganda from being sent (a lie), burns the letter much like the dragon burned and gassed the four Englanders, then coolly sends them into the dungeon that is the war front, leaving the reader to reflect on ... a lot.

Like - how much of this specific situation was caused by Angela’s rush for Fair Gold to power her suit? Did the four dead ringers die because the dragon was brought out to stop her and the party? Or - what are the conditions under which fantasy and poetry are produced and consumed in the first place, and what are the costs? What is its legacy, and what of it does it choose to hide or reveal?

The repetitions of “foul” come to mind here. In this issue, foul is used first by the Frodo character as he tries to determine Ash’s allegiance (“fair or foul?”). Ash then silently characterizes herself, in her Bard/Dictator role, as foul to most people. Having dismissed elves as “dumb and obvious” in the past issue, only for the elf queen to transform into a murderous orc, Ash takes a more measured position on Tolkien here by recognizing the value of hobbits. As a result, the Master Who Looks and Talks Like Tolkien concludes she is not “entirely foul”. However one interprets this, it seems plausible that “fair and foul” could to be a question for the entire comic - two opposites held together and impossible to rend apart.

(What is fair, what is foul about the emotional manipulation the comic itself produces through Ash’s reaction, Matt’s reaction, and in the reader? Notice how the comic, by virtue of its having pages, puts the reader through the motions of closing the page on the four as they "simply walk" into Mordor, thereby putting the reader on the same side as the party on the question "who volunteers". Then there are metaphorical levels - what is foul about Angela going for FAIR gold? how shall the fair "alabaster princess" Ash reconcile herself to also being ash, ready to crumble under dragons’ breath, to the foul words that created the fouling corpse of a former lover who fairly? cursed her back? etc etc)

It looks like the next stop in the story is going to be the space of Brontë sister gaming, (a stop in a town invented by the mothers of gaming as this war-torn realm was regulated by the father of fantasy?), which starts up even more questions. But I’ve gone on long enough; looking forward to seeing how it all develops, textually and visually -

#diecomic #diecomic spoilers

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tisthenightofthewitch · 5 years

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If You Have Ghost: The Evolution Of Metal's Satanic Disco Showstoppers

Illustration: Sam Davies

There is a world of difference between Ghost today and the dark, shadowy group that emerged from an occult realm with the release of ‘Opus Eponymous’ at the turn of the decade. Once a band that disgorged Sabbathian doom metal splattered with gothic horror imagery, they have evolved into a rock spectacle that’s part pantomime, part musical and part Satanic disco.

It’s been eight years since their shapeshifting leader, Tobias Forge, uttered the first words on Ghost’s debut album: “Lucifer, we are here for your praise, evil one.” That’s the sort of big, schlocky statement they made their name with, but it’s particularly enjoyable to revisit it in the context of where the band are now. They have gone on to issue a further three LPs - 2013’s ‘Infestissumam’, 2015’s ‘Meliora’ and this year’s ‘Prequelle’ - and they have steadily progressed through each release, ending up beneath a glitterball with the REO Speedwagon-meets-ABBA theatrics of their latest offering.

Back in 2010, if someone told you that this mob of masked, hazy oddballs would be pulling off huge, immersive spectacles in arenas you’d have laughed them out of the room. But here we are. Ghost’s A Pale Tour Named Death is underway in the US and features a stop at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, a 19,000 capacity enormodome, and those who make the trip out will find it worth the effort if a recent set at a sold out Royal Albert Hall in London is anything to go by.

With ‘Prequelle’ shoving the band to the upper reaches of the Billboard charts, Ghost were already on the cusp of a mainstream breakthrough by the time they made the step up to performing at such an iconic venue. It felt like a natural progression and it’s difficult to think of a space more suited to the fleshing out of their theatrical ambitions.

‘Prequelle’ was written to make Ghost wildly entertaining live while also allowing them to break down the barriers that conventional wisdom says their visual and lyrical styles should conform to. Forge has elegantly tuned their Satanic shtick to appeal to a wider audience and it’s paid off in kind, with their older material appearing like a Trojan horse amid the sparkle and pizzazz.

Not only was this London show their biggest headlining date on this side of the pond so far, it also served as the first opportunity for fans here to experience the next chapter of Ghost after Forge decided to “kill off” a string of Satanic popes - Papas Emeritus I, II and III, one for each of the band's first three albums - and unveil its two “newest” members: Papa Emeritus Nihil and the dorky but charming Cardinal Copia.

The band’s narrative now revolves around Copia, who has to prove himself to become a pope. To earn his skull paint, essentially. Of course, only Forge knows for sure what’s going to happen - and he’s not telling. All we know is, what was once a ghastly looking figure, stalking back and forth on stage, has transformed to an indulgent teen idol character complete with hip wiggles, costume changes and sexual innuendo that would make Madonna blush. Even his white suit is reminiscent of John Travolta lighting up a dancefloor in Saturday Night Fever.

The stage design at the Royal Albert Hall also shifted from a vintage horror movie vibe to displaying some of the swanky qualities of Broadway: a spectacular stained glass window backdrop, confetti cannons and white steps to raised drum and keyboard risers. Ghost have expanded to eight members, including Cardinal Copia, Papa Emeritus Nihil and six masked Nameless Ghoul supporting musicians, who appear to be everywhere all at once while performing. Even though you can’t see their faces, a lot of personality comes across in each of the Ghouls’ movements and the way they play their instruments. No longer are they statuesque individuals; they’re an animated and mischievous mass of souls.

In addition to the band’s enhanced Burtonesque presentation, over the space of eight years Ghost have amassed one of the best setlists in modern metal. With so many big songs at their disposal, their performance now runs for 24 tracks across two hour-long sets separated by a 20 minute interval. It’s pure escapism to wallow in their outlandish occult rock fantasy. It’s a case of wall to wall bangers from start to finish in a format that they look very likely to continue with on their upcoming tours.

The reaction in London to new tracks such as Rats, Dance Macabre, Pro Memoria and Miasma, complete with Papa Nihil’s saxophone solo, is on a similar level to the latest pop act you might think of. Basically, it’s bedlam. The Cardinal indulges in the admiration from fans, plucking a white rose from a member of the crowd. The band have successfully tamped down the doomy undertones via catchy, proggy arrangements and synthy pomp-rock that owes more to Duran Duran than Mercyful Fate or Candlemass.

It’s come at a price, however. There was a fair amount of cynicism directed towards their more poppy odes to Lucifer and zombie queens, which are more obvious on ‘Prequelle’ than ever before. Some will say the disco-rock sound has developed naturally through each album, others will say that they’re becoming too commercially ambitious. None of that will change with their excursions into arena land. But at the Royal Albert Hall it feels like these barbs are butting up against some intense creativity. Those dyed in the wool metallers who threw rocks at ‘Prequelle’ perhaps can't handle a record that isn't the same idea repeated 10 times with expensive production.

Ghost are among only a handful of rock and metal bands that have continued to evolve through their lifespan and that makes them interesting on a purely artistic level, even if you don’t vibe with their music. It’s a risky step but, somewhat against the odds, they have emerged from the shadows to embrace the spotlight. These days, calling them metal is doing them a disservice in many ways. A recent remix of Dance Macabre by former tourmates Carpenter Brut is another example of how Forge, a longtime fan of the French synthwave artist, is looking to challenge listeners’ expectations.

The penultimate song at the Royal Albert Hall is Square Hammer: their Run To The Hills, their Enter Sandman. And, judging from the audience reaction, you suspect they have it on their to do list to become this generation’s Iron Maiden or Metallica. Speaking of which, they’ve just been picked as main support on the thrash legends’ 2019 return to Europe.

It's your call whether or not you believe the boggle-eyed hype, but A Pale Tour Named Death is a chance for Forge and friends to prove that they have the minerals to take the next step towards world domination. They want to be headlining arenas in the UK at some point. They’re not far away from topping major festival bills either.

If you have Ghost, it seems, you have everything.

STEREOBOARD.COM

#the band ghost #ghost band #Cardinal Copia #Tobias Forge #Nameless Ghouls

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scripttorture · 6 years

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I’m creating an NPC for a tabletop game I’m running, and the backstory I’ve come up with is that he was a British Army soldier during the sepoy mutiny and, long story short, he personally oversaw the floggings, hangings and blowing-from-cannons of the men responsible for the murder of his fiance, as well as the execution of their families. Would it be plausible for someone to do something that awful in response to great personal loss? If so, how would this effect his mental state?

Iknow a little bit about this period and some of the Britishatrocities. I don’t know how much evidence there is to support theBritish side of the story. Generally speaking I get the impressionthat in most colonial conflicts European colonisers exaggerated thescale of atrocities against white people (or made them up) whiledownplaying or ignoring the atrocities against everyone else. Inone Indian city the estimates of the dead on the Indian side arearound 150,000 people, 100,000 of whom are believed to have beencivilians. I know European women and children were killed duringthis conflict, but I highly doubt it was in anywhere near the numbersthat Indians were. I also don’t know where in India most Europeanwomen and children would have been living: the majority of thatpopulation may have been based a considerable distance from thefighting which was concentrated in a few states.

SoI don’t know how likely the murder of this character’s fiancéewould be in this historical context. Possible, certainly, but hemight be the only person in his unit who’s lost someone. I don’tthink how likely this murder is will affect my answer but it issomething to bear in mind for the character/situation generally.

Movingon to the question: what you have is perfectly plausible whether thecharacter’s fiancée is murdered or not.

Greatpersonal loss is not necessary to make someone commit torture orgenocide. Neither is trauma of any kind. Giving your character thisvery personal loss may well make his story more interesting- that’sa valid storytelling choice- but it isn’tnecessary to justify what you want him to do.

The‘justification’ (such as it is) is in practically every otheraspect of the character: he’s a British soldier in a foreigncountry during a time period when the British press and publicopinion was actively calling for the large scale massacre of Indianpeople.

Thischaracter would have been brought up in a cultural climate thattaught him he was naturally ‘better’ than people with darker skinand that as a Christian he was superior to non-Christians. Britainwould have been an Empire for as long as he’d been alive. For hisentire life he’d have been exposed to justifications for thatEmpire and stories about people looting vast amounts of wealth fromIndia in particular. He’d have been raised in a climate whereinvading, occupying and looting other countries was considered bothnormal and moral.

Thatis not an indictment of the character but one of the time itself.

Comingfrom that background he’s gone to India, possibly to try and getrich quick (that was very common for European men of a certain classwith no money and ‘poor prospects’). The fact his fiancée was inIndia as well implies he’s been there for a considerable period oftime.

Withor without his fiancée being killed his life suffers a sudden anddrastic change when the war starts. Either he’s suddenly traipsinghalf way across the country to get to the war or he started out inthe states where it sparked and saw violence first hand. If he didn’twitness violence he’d be hearing hugely exaggerated rumours ofIndian led atrocities on a daily basis (the idea that Indian soldierswere kidnapping and raping white women and girls was hugely reportedin the British press and no evidence was ever found*). If hewitnessed violence he’d still be hearing the same rumours about howmuch worse it was somewhere else.

Ontop of that a fair number of British commanders at the time more orless ordered their soldiers to kill everyone they came across inrecaptured areas.

Giventhat climate, that background, that culture and the activeencouragement to genocide coming from allaspects of his social sphere**- Honestly the question isn’t ‘whydid any one British soldier commit these atrocities’ it’s ‘whatdrove the ones who refusedto?’

Byall means keep in the murder of his fiancée if you believe thatsupports a better story. But while that may be his excuse it’sunlikely to be the real reason behind the atrocities he commits. He’s‘just’ doing exactly what every other British soldier around himat the time was.

Andthe effect on his mental health wouldlikely be pretty devastating.

Torturerssuffer from the same mental health problems their victims do.

Tortureis traumatising. It’s traumatising for those who survive it, thosewho witness it and those who participate in it, regardless of theirfeelings towards their victims.

Thatsaid, we can’t actually predict which symptoms an individual personis likely to suffer from. We know the possible symptoms, but noteveryone gets the same symptom set and people don’t tend tomanifest every possible symptom.

Itend to suggest approaching that part of the problem as a writer andpicking symptoms according to what you feel adds best to thecharacter and story. Generally I give estimates for numbers ofsymptoms as well, and I’d like to stress they’re just estimates.

Inthis case it seems like the character has gone through multipletraumatic events, not least the war itself. That makes PTSD inparticular more likely. It also means I’d suggest a higher numberof symptoms than I usually would for a torturer, I think 3-5 severesymptoms would be appropriate in this case.

Thinkabout the character and the kind of story you want to set up. Ifthere are symptoms that help support that story in any way then I’dsuggest using them. Symptoms that might act as an obstacle for theplayer characters to work around would probably also be a good pick.

Thelast thing I want to mention is to remember the attitude towardsmental health problems at the time. It wasn’t kind or understandingin the slightest. As a result a character in his position might go toconsiderable lengths to hide his symptoms. He may not be successful.

Ihope this helps. :)

*I’dalso like to note that these accounts didn’tfor the most part come from women. They came from men who claimed tohave witnessed these attacks….from the other side of the country.Hence my doubt that they occurred.

**AndI do mean all. His military commanders, immediate comrades in armsand any surviving family in India would likely have been encouragingthese atrocities. His religious leaders, political leaders, thepopular press and any one he was in contact with back home wouldalmost certainly also havebeen encouraging these atrocities…. Unless he’s a Quaker in whichcase it’s unlikely he’d have joined a military organisation.

Disclaimer

#tw torture #tw rape #tw genocide #tw racism #colonialism #India #British Empire #historical fiction #war of independence #effects of torture on torturers #writing torturers #motivation #Anonymous

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makerof150papermasks · 6 years

Text

Hamlet Mariofied: Act 1 Scene 2

Bolded names refer to the Mario characters playing the roles. The character role names remain unchanged in the context of the play and its dialogue.

Mario = Hamlet

Luigi = Horatio

Yoshi = Marcellus

Captain Toad = Bernardo

Bowser = Claudius

Peach = Gertrude

Kamek = Kamek

Larry = Laertes

Wendy = Ophelia

King Boo = Voltimand

Petey Piranha = Cornelius

Act 1, Scene 2

Elsinore. A room of state in the Castle.

[Enter Bowser, Peach, Mario, Kamek, Larry and his sister Wendy, King Boo, and Petey Piranha] Cue Castle/Fortress music for Super Mario World.

Bowser. Though yet of Hamlet our dear brother's death

The memory be green, and that it us befitted

To bear our hearts in grief, and our whole kingdom

To be contracted in one brow of woe,

Yet so far hath discretion fought with nature

That we with wisest sorrow think on him

Together with remembrance of ourselves.

Therefore our sometime sister, now our queen,

Th' imperial jointress to this warlike state,

Have we, as 'twere with a defeated joy,

With an auspicious, and a dropping eye,

With mirth in funeral, and with dirge in marriage,

In equal scale weighing delight and dole,

Taken to wife; nor have we herein barr'd

Your better wisdoms, which have freely gone

With this affair along. For all, our thanks.

Now follows, that you know, young Fortinbras,

Holding a weak supposal of our worth,

Or thinking by our late dear brother's death

Our state to be disjoint and out of frame,

Colleagued with this dream of his advantage,

He hath not fail'd to pester us with message

Importing the surrender of those lands

Lost by his father, with all bands of law,

To our most valiant brother. So much for him.

Now for ourself and for this time of meeting.

Thus much the business is: we have here writ

To Norway, uncle of young Fortinbras,

Who, impotent and bedrid, scarcely hears

Of this his nephew's purpose, to suppress

His further gait herein, in that the levies,

The lists, and full proportions are all made

Out of his subject; and we here dispatch

You, good Cornelius, and you, Voltimand,

For bearers of this greeting to old Norway,

Giving to you no further personal power

To business with the King, more than the scope

Of these dilated articles allow. [Gives a paper.]

Farewell, and let your haste commend your duty.

Petey Piranha. [with King Boo] In that, and all things, will we show our duty.

Bowser. We doubt it nothing. Heartily farewell.

[Exeunt King Boo and Petey Piranha.]

And now, Laertes, what's the news with you?

You told us of some suit. What is't, Laertes?

You cannot speak of reason to the Dane

And lose your voice. What wouldst thou beg, Laertes,

That shall not be my offer, not thy asking?

The head is not more native to the heart,

The hand more instrumental to the mouth,

Than is the throne of Denmark to thy father.

What wouldst thou have, Laertes?

Larry. My dread lord,

Your leave and favour to return to France;

From whence though willingly I came to Denmark

To show my duty in your coronation,

Yet now I must confess, that duty done,

My thoughts and wishes bend again toward France

And bow them to your gracious leave and pardon.

Bowser. Have you your father's leave? What says Polonius?

Kamek. He hath, my lord, wrung from me my slow leave

By laboursome petition, and at last

Upon his will I seal'd my hard consent.

I do beseech you give him leave to go.

Bowser. Take thy fair hour, Laertes. Time be thine,

And thy best graces spend it at thy will!

But now, my cousin Hamlet, and my son-

Mario. [aside] A little more than kin, and less than kind!

Bowser. How is it that the clouds still hang on you?

Mario. Not so, my lord. I am too much i' th' sun.

Peach. Good Hamlet, cast thy nighted colour off,

And let thine eye look like a friend on Denmark.

Do not for ever with thy vailed lids

Seek for thy noble father in the dust.

Thou know'st 'tis common. All that lives must die,

Passing through nature to eternity.

Mario. Ay, madam, it is common.

Peach. If it be,

Why seems it so particular with thee?

Mario. Seems, madam, Nay, it is. I know not 'seems.'

'Tis not alone my inky cloak, good mother,

Nor customary suits of solemn black,

Nor windy suspiration of forc'd breath,

No, nor the fruitful river in the eye,

Nor the dejected havior of the visage,

Together with all forms, moods, shapes of grief,

'That can denote me truly. These indeed seem,

For they are actions that a man might play;

But I have that within which passeth show-

These but the trappings and the suits of woe.

Bowser. 'Tis sweet and commendable in your nature, Hamlet,

To give these mourning duties to your father;

But you must know, your father lost a father;

That father lost, lost his, and the survivor bound

In filial obligation for some term

To do obsequious sorrow. But to persever

In obstinate condolement is a course

Of impious stubbornness. 'Tis unmanly grief;

It shows a will most incorrect to heaven,

A heart unfortified, a mind impatient,

An understanding simple and unschool'd;

For what we know must be, and is as common

As any the most vulgar thing to sense,

Why should we in our peevish opposition

Take it to heart? Fie! 'tis a fault to heaven,

A fault against the dead, a fault to nature,

To reason most absurd, whose common theme

Is death of fathers, and who still hath cried,

From the first corse till he that died to-day,

'This must be so.' We pray you throw to earth

This unprevailing woe, and think of us

As of a father; for let the world take note

You are the most immediate to our throne,

And with no less nobility of love

Than that which dearest father bears his son

Do I impart toward you. For your intent

In going back to school in Wittenberg,

It is most retrograde to our desire;

And we beseech you, bend you to remain

Here in the cheer and comfort of our eye,

Our chiefest courtier, cousin, and our son.

Peach. Let not thy mother lose her prayers, Hamlet.

I pray thee stay with us, go not to Wittenberg.

Mario. I shall in all my best obey you, madam.

Bowser. Why, 'tis a loving and a fair reply.

Be as ourself in Denmark. Madam, come.

This gentle and unforc'd accord of Hamlet

Sits smiling to my heart; in grace whereof,

No jocund health that Denmark drinks to-day

But the great cannon to the clouds shall tell,

And the King's rouse the heaven shall bruit again,

Respeaking earthly thunder. Come away.

Flourish. Exeunt all but Mario. Prompt Underground Music from Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins

Mario. O that this too too solid flesh would melt,

Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew!

Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd

His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!

How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable

Seem to me all the uses of this world!

Fie on't! ah, fie! 'Tis an unweeded garden

That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature

Possess it merely. That it should come to this!

But two months dead! Nay, not so much, not two.

So excellent a king, that was to this

Hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my mother

That he might not beteem the winds of heaven

Visit her face too roughly. Heaven and earth!

Must I remember? Why, she would hang on him

As if increase of appetite had grown

By what it fed on; and yet, within a month-

Let me not think on't! Frailty, thy name is woman!-

A little month, or ere those shoes were old

With which she followed my poor father's body

Like Niobe, all tears- why she, even she

(O God! a beast that wants discourse of reason

Would have mourn'd longer) married with my uncle;

My father's brother, but no more like my father

Than I to Hercules. Within a month,

Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears

Had left the flushing in her galled eyes,

She married. O, most wicked speed, to post

With such dexterity to incestuous sheets!

It is not, nor it cannot come to good.

But break my heart, for I must hold my tongue!

Enter Luigi, Yoshi, and Captain Toad. Cue Overworld Music from Super Mario Bros 2

Luigi. Hail to your lordship!

Mario. I am glad to see you well.

Horatio!- or I do forget myself.

Luigi. The same, my lord, and your poor servant ever.

Mario. Sir, my good friend- I'll change that name with you.

And what make you from Wittenberg, Horatio?

Marcellus?

Yoshi. My good lord!

Mario. I am very glad to see you.- [To Toad] Good even, sir.-

But what, in faith, make you from Wittenberg?

Luigi. A truant disposition, good my lord.

Mario. I would not hear your enemy say so,

Nor shall you do my ear that violence

To make it truster of your own report

Against yourself. I know you are no truant.

But what is your affair in Elsinore?

We'll teach you to drink deep ere you depart.

Luigi. My lord, I came to see your father's funeral.

Mario. I prithee do not mock me, fellow student.

I think it was to see my mother's wedding.

Luigi. Indeed, my lord, it followed hard upon.

Mario. Thrift, thrift, Horatio! The funeral bak'd meats

Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.

Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven

Or ever I had seen that day, Horatio!

My father- methinks I see my father.

Luigi. O, where, my lord?

Mario. In my mind's eye, Horatio.

Luigi. I saw him once. He was a goodly king.

Mario. He was a man, take him for all in all.

I shall not look upon his like again.

Luigi. My lord, I think I saw him yesternight.

Mario. Saw? who?

Luigi. My lord, the King your father.

Mario. The King my father?

Luigi. Season your admiration for a while

With an attent ear, till I may deliver

Upon the witness of these gentlemen,

This marvel to you.

Mario. For God's love let me hear!

Luigi. Two nights together had these gentlemen

(Marcellus and Bernardo) on their watch

In the dead vast and middle of the night

Been thus encount'red. A figure like your father,

Armed at point exactly, cap-a-pe,

Appears before them and with solemn march

Goes slow and stately by them. Thrice he walk'd

By their oppress'd and fear-surprised eyes,

Within his truncheon's length; whilst they distill'd

Almost to jelly with the act of fear,

Stand dumb and speak not to him. This to me

In dreadful secrecy impart they did,

And I with them the third night kept the watch;

Where, as they had deliver'd, both in time,

Form of the thing, each word made true and good,

The apparition comes. I knew your father.

These hands are not more like.

Mario. But where was this?

Yoshi. My lord, upon the platform where we watch'd.

Mario. Did you not speak to it?

Luigi. My lord, I did;

But answer made it none. Yet once methought

It lifted up it head and did address

Itself to motion, like as it would speak;

But even then the morning cock crew loud,

And at the sound it shrunk in haste away

And vanish'd from our sight.

Mario. 'Tis very strange.

Luigi. As I do live, my honour'd lord, 'tis true;

And we did think it writ down in our duty

To let you know of it.

Mario. Indeed, indeed, sirs. But this troubles me.

Hold you the watch to-night?

Yoshi. [with Toad] We do, my lord.

Mario. Arm'd, say you?

Yoshi. [with Captain Toad] Arm'd, my lord.

Mario. From top to toe?

Yoshi. [with Toad] My lord, from head to foot.

Mario. Then saw you not his face?

Luigi. O, yes, my lord! He wore his beaver up.

Mario. What, look'd he frowningly.

Luigi. A countenance more in sorrow than in anger.

Mario. Pale or red?

Luigi. Nay, very pale.

Mario. And fix'd his eyes upon you?

Luigi. Most constantly.

Mario. I would I had been there.

Luigi. It would have much amaz'd you.

Mario. Very like, very like. Stay'd it long?

Luigi. While one with moderate haste might tell a hundred.

Yoshi. [with Captain Toad] Longer, longer.

Luigi. Not when I saw't.

Mario. His beard was grizzled- no?

Luigi. It was, as I have seen it in his life,

A sable silver'd.

Mario. I will watch to-night.

Perchance 'twill walk again.

Luigi. I warr'nt it will.

Mario. If it assume my noble father's person,

I'll speak to it, though hell itself should gape

And bid me hold my peace. I pray you all,

If you have hitherto conceal'd this sight,

Let it be tenable in your silence still;

And whatsoever else shall hap to-night,

Give it an understanding but no tongue.

I will requite your loves. So, fare you well.

Upon the platform, 'twixt eleven and twelve,

I'll visit you.

All. Our duty to your honour.

Mario. Your loves, as mine to you. Farewell.

[Exeunt all but Mario.]

My father's spirit- in arms? All is not well.

I doubt some foul play. Would the night were come!

Till then sit still, my soul. Foul deeds will rise,

Though all the earth o'erwhelm them, to men's eyes.

Exit.

#Mario #Shakespeare #Hamlet #How can you not love doing this #Bowser #Kamek #Peach #Luigi #Yoshi #Koopalings #Larry Koopa #Wendy O' Koopa #King Boo #Petey Piranha #Captain Toad

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