#to have my own irl friends and obligations and forget about my past

[someundefinedaesthetic]

x

[filmnoirsbian]

i dont know who else to turn to in asking something like this and i know its probably left of field of what you normally get but like what do you do when you know you'll never get closure? how are you supposed to move on? after a series of incredible terrible events irl last year that would require tws to explain most of my friends abandoned me for being too erratic and being unable to explain myself, some of them by dropping a wall of text of all my wrongdoings theyd never brought up before ever in the most vague way possible and then blocking me. part of me still wants to apologize but it was all so vague and my memory is so bad i dont know what i did and i dont expect them to believe that. i also have no way of even contacting them if i could figure out how to apologize for it. so like. i guess im asking is what do you do when you did something terrible you cant remember and will never learn and can't apologize for? how do you move on from something like that?

While not exactly the same as your situation, I have experienced something similar (in the vein of doing harmful things I do not/will never remember, and having to come to terms with the fact that I did and that other people involved are never obligated to forgive me nor will I probably ever be able to apologize). For various reasons (drug abuse, mental illness, etc) this is a reality that quite a few people might have to face and I think the only way to really do that is to acknowledge it happened, and do your best to not let it happen again. This might mean behavioral changes, lifestyle changes, or anything else you can actively do both for yourself and those around you. What I'll say is that you have several options ahead of you. You can do your best to somehow reach out and apologize, which your friends may or may not accept. Or you can allow them their distance and move forward on your own, hopefully learning and growing from this admittedly suckass experience, and building new, healthier friendships in the future. I know it sounds silly but you move on by moving on. I'm not saying you have to ignore or forget about this information, tbh I don't think you should, but instead place it aside with the knowledge that you may have fucked up in the past (who hasn't?) but you can always do better. Every day is just a series of choices to be better than you were, to do better than you have. Closure is honestly very rare. Real life is filled with loose strings and messy endings. But wallowing in guilt and regret and what ifs is almost always detrimental to growth. You can feel sorry--I certainly did, and likely always will--but extend yourself the amount of grace it takes to stand up and keep moving forward, knowing that the best apology, even if they never see it, is in not committing the same hurts.

[psychelis-new]

Sorry if this isn’t the place for this but- My partner had a “very dream today” of meeting her childhood bff’s foreigner friend & cheating on me. They even knew the name etc of this person in their dream! But has never met such a person irl. Can dreams predict the future? Or are they just random?

Dreams hold many different meanings, they're rarely very explicit and predicting future (it can happen, but more often some dreams may feel like a checkpoint for our inner self to see where we are or a preparation for something we may feel in the future). TBH this dream may just be about one of their fear or something they need to heal. Or more simply, they have seen/read something and their mind has made up a story to entertain them. Seen the fact that there are people from their past and such a precise "trigger" (cheating on you) I'd opt for the fear tbh. I'm not very good at analyzing dreams for others and giving them proper meanings cause we all experience life pretty differently and have our own problems/traumas and all, but generally the paths explained in psychology are these.

I wouldn't worry nor put so much stress on a dream of this kind though: you're forgetting that irl we have our own personal will when in front of a choice, as in cheating or not. Your partner needs to decide to actually cheat on you, to actually and physically make that choice. It's up to them to do that IF eventually given the chance with whomever (be it a random foreigner friend or anyone else). Nobody is obliged to cheat because they had a dream about doing that: that's just... absurd, sorry. If they're scared of not being able to be loyal to you for any reason (which may be a possible hidden trigger in the dream), it's something they may want to try and understand/heal from now (I think I mentioned something like this in your reading?). But again, dreams are often there only to give you hints/suggest triggers from your unconscious mind that you need to work on to better your conscious life. Never forget we all can decide our life everyday. As for them knowing this person's name, it can be a fake name and/or this name may have a specific meaning worth checking out or it's simply a name they've heard a lot lately (or read somewhere and it was kept inside their mind for a while for just any reason like popping up in a random dream where it was needed). Even if it was this person's name or a similar name, again do not forget everything is about your partner's will.

Btw I have made a pac about dreams -actually more than one: one is here on this blog another couple are on my insta account. If you want to try, you can even check them out.

Take care

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

Hi. I wanted to ask u as a fellow Muslim AND a writer how u feel abt this if udm. U r by no means obligated to answer this, especially if u feel uncomfortable. Just wanted to get insight from actual niqabis. So obviously part of the niqab is that it covers ur lips. In my science fantasy book that i'm working on, Fusa wants to be in a relationship w Akhtar, the niqabi character, but is still hung up over her past relationship w the guy who died fighting w her. I originally wanted to indicate this by trying to make them lean into a kiss, but then Fusa abruptly stops bc she feels like she's betraying him. Ofc, that... wud not work out, lmaoo. Took me a while to realize the obvious cuz i'm just a tad bit slow, shhdjdjd. Anyways, my point is that obviously kissing won't work. Out of respect for Akhtar n all niqabis in real life, i'm not sure it's a gd idea to show her unveiled just to try to kiss Fusa, unless u feel like there isn't a problem w that which is y i'm tryna get insight from other niqabis (who r obviously open to LGBT+ relationships). Do u think there's a better way i can portray this, or do u feel like there is no problem w portraying them (Akhtar; they go by they/them) unveiled just for that scene? I wud like to add that they (plural, both ppl now) will obviously be alone, so it wud just be Akhtar w a woman. That being said tho, my problem is more showing it to the audience that i'm worried abt more than anything. Again udh to answer if udf comfortable, but i appreciate it anyways. ✌️

Assalam 'alaikum! 

Not gonna lie I’ve both also forgotten about my characters niqab when writing a scene and also I’ve forgotten I was wear a niqab irl (leaning forward to take a drink out of a straw and forgetting my niqab is on, for example lmao). I think notably I wanted to write a kiss once between a niqabi character of mine and their partner while on at work, but, you know, impromptu kisses don't particularly work when you're a niqabi lmao, especially in public.

Since they’re alone, you could go with them having taken/pulled down the niqab layer. Sometimes with friends and not in like, public public, I’m fine just going down to just my scarf. I’m always like, on the fence about having characters unveiled sometimes. On the one hand, I know lots of niqabis who have their own rules about who they veil in front of, on the other hand I have mixed feelings about romances where a character unveils before being in a relationship with their love interest. Not out of like, some bs “you can only unveil in front of someone you’re married to”, but rather just because it’s a show of intimacy. I would feel weird unveiling around someone I was interested in if we weren’t like, in a relationship, the same way I might feel weird showing certain intimacy with someone I’m not in a relationship with. 

There’s just a difference I think between how like, niqabis are humans and make their own choices about veiling, vs a niqabi character that doesn’t have the autonomy of a actual person, you know? Like, IRL there’s lot of nuance and variety to how niqabis and hijabis veil and when, especially with lgbt muslims (with the question of whether to veil in front of nb folks, or whether to veil in front of lesbians/bi women. Even with folks I know there’s variety to their answers to that!)

I think though, as I stated, having them still wearing their veil, just not the niqab layer is a way to avoid the idea/trope of them not veiling in front of their romantic interest. So that’s an option!

If you want to go a different route, you could always have Akhtar start to/reach to take off/pull down their niqab for a kiss, and then Fusa hesitates and tells Akhtar to stop/wait. Even if they weren’t going to kiss, taking off that layer and showing their face would be a pretty clear show of intimacy! So it could be that part that makes Fusa hesitate, because she’s taking a step in a relationship and intimacy with someone else and feels like she’s betraying the guy she’s still hung up on. 

I really love veiling in romance though because it’s an added layer of intimacy that doesn’t have a like, a perfect equivalent outside of it (though I likened it somewhat to, for example, in The Untamed, Lan Wangji wearing his hair down and free of ornaments). 

In any case, though, I hope that helps! Obviously I can’t speak for all niqabis, but as a gay nb niqabi writer those are my thoughts about it. Best of luck with your story and I hope you have a lovely day!

[kingofthewilderwest]

Tagged by @writingstellar! Good to hear how life’s going and holy crap I was just thinking about how it’s coming up 10 years since we met.

Rules: answer 30 questions and tag blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

name/nickname: Haddock. King. Against my will, every other variation of fish-like things you can think of. King Fishy, Fishy, Fishface, Fishyface, Fish, etc.

gender: enby

star sign: 🖕

height: 5′ 2″

time: 12:27 AM

birthday: October 19

favourite bands: Flatt & Scruggs and the Foggy Mountain Boys, The Dead South, Old Man Markley

favourite solo artists: uhhhhhhhhmmmmmmm... get back to me on that. Can... can Beethoven count? C’mon I fucking have Beethoven music TATTOOED ON ME, we gonna make Beethoven count.

song stuck in my head: a combination of like six Flatt & Scruggs songs and covers rn, most prominently Colors. I have no idea why. I don’t listen to their late 1960s stuff as often, but I woke up and that song came to me with tenacity and wouldn’t let go.

last movie: What was the last movie I watched in my Bad Movie Night group? Was it Leo the Lion????? Oh gosh. That nightmare is the last movie I saw??? Dudes holy shit that movie was a special kind of awful, it was a horrible experience and it’s scarred me forever and [spoilers] why did you make the elephant canonically fuck the emaciated lion?!?!?!

last show: Flatt & Scruggs TV Show. Shut up. I like them. A lot. Hyperfixation gonna hyperfixate. And they’re actually really wonderful and personable to watch, in addition to making great music.

when did you create this blog? summer 2014

what do I post: on this blog? Well, it used to be an analysis blog for HTTYD and more. Now... whatever, but usually fandom-related materials for my favorite shows... Gravity Falls, Fullmetal Alchemist, etc.

last thing i googled: middle finger. to get that middle finger emote up there.

do i get asks? absolutely. sorry that I no longer respond to everything as I once did. I no longer have the time and presence of mind to get to all asks, and it’s no longer a priority in my life or major past-time. but I read all of them and appreciate all of them and really do try to answer peeps when I’m on here and in the mood! Thanks for talking with me so much!

why i chose my url: As a How to Train Your Dragon blog, I thought it would be the COOLEST thing to pick Hiccup’s title. I was in excited shock it wasn’t taken.

average hours of sleep: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’m sleeping a fuckton lately, like sometimes 10, but that’s not normal to me.

lucky number: 13, 19, 320.

Instruments: Yes. I have an entire sideblog dedicated to my banjo explorations and bluegrass/country music obsession, to rant and rave to like the 0.1 person who’ll see it. ;) Feel free to check it out... I try to make it accessible to like, anyone, even peeps with none music background left beef. Banjo is my latest instrument and I’m proud of how far I’ve come in less than a year and a half. Started on piano as a wee one, got good at it. Added flute and piccolo, got good at it, played semi-competitively at local/state events in high school. Added clarinet. Added viola and played that in college orchestra because it was the one thing I could get INTO orchestra on because they didn’t audition on it. Also own/play to varying degrees of skill or incompetence: pennywhistles, soprano recorder, khloy (Cambodian flute), khene (Southeast Asian pipe instrument), tro (Cambodian spiked fiddle), tro ou (Cambodian spiked fiddle), dizi (Chinese flute), shakuhachi, ukulele, guitar, fiddle, Irish flute, harmonica, didgeridoo, shit why do I feel like I’m forgetting some things. Uhhhhhh... in college I played some taiko, shamisen, and shinobue too? I dunno, just chuck a woodwind or a string instrument at me, and I’ll figure something out. Won’t necessarily be pleasant but there’ll be notes.

what i’m wearing: red pajamas. They have snowflakes on them. they are warm and comfy.

dream job: I know it’s hard work as hell, believe me, my fam’s been in it, but seriously? transitioning to agricultural work. I’m an old-fashioned ass at heart and, as much as my work has serious perks with a flexible schedule, I hate how much of my life is spent on a screen. I’m happiest working with my hands, and I’ve got a green thumb.

dream trip: Dammit, I have to pick ONE place??? fuck that shit, I want to go everywhere, I have bucket list countries in every continent. shit. uh. how about Norway because that’s the home of my ancestors.

last book i read: I’m currently reading three right now. the last one I finished is an obscure Country Music history picture book from the 1960s. Oh hey wow did the bluegrass hyperfixation appear again? WOW YOU BETCHA IT DID. Uff-dah.

favourite food: I’m going to just say a fucking cuisine rather than narrow it down to one dish. Thai food.

nationality: United States American.

favourite song: Foggy Mountain Breakdown. Yes. Flatt & Scruggs came up again. Get used to it. I have fucking had Flatt & Scruggs appear multiple times in my dreams. I have fucking had Flatt & Scruggs more in my dreams than some of my irl friends. 

top three fictional universes: Mass Effect, Fullmetal Alchemist, Gravity Falls

gonna gently tag (no pressure!):

Okay I am sleep loopy so I cannot think of names rn but I might reblog and tag later with peeps because I always like poking friends.

[felicia-cat-hardy]

My 'Pretty Little Liars' Obsession Led Me To My Best Friend

“Got a secret, can you keep it?” Well, I’ve got one: Though Pretty Little Liars ended in 2017, the seven-season mystery thriller schemed its way into being an integral part of my life for the long haul, so much so that the opening credits live in my head rent-free. To this day, each time I hear the sinister theme song — “Secret” by The Pierces — I’m brought right back to my childhood comfort show (ahem, obsession). The visuals begin with a swipe of mascara, the smear of red lipstick, and a clasp of a heel onto a porcelain doll, which makes me feel like I’m watching someone get pampered for prom. Until, of course, it cuts to four girls standing in front of a casket. It's a chilling moment, one that, until Season 6B, ended with Aria Montgomery (Lucy Hale) delivering her iconic “shh.” I got cast under the show’s spell the first time I saw it, and I wasn’t the only one: Pretty Little Liars led me to my best friend.

Ironically, plotlines about deceit and betrayal actually helped ignite a long-lasting friendship. In 2011, the only other person I knew to be watching PLL was my now-BFF, Taylor, who’s been by my side for over a decade. We were only about 11 and 12 when it premiered, so shout out to our parents for letting us watch a show that dealt with very adult themes like substance use disorder, assault, and grief. Unlike our classmates, who watched tween-appropriate hits like iCarly and Victorious, we became PLL stans.

As fans know, the show is loosely based on the Sara Shepard YA series of the same name, and the first book was my entry point into the PLL universe. I loved reading about blackmailers and murderers navigating high school, but I thought I was the only one who was into it. (Was this my ~I’m different~ complex showing, or were my peers just naturally more inclined to recap Dance Moms? I’ll never know.) So, Taylor first struck up a conversation with me at school because she spotted the first PLL book on my desk — you know, the one painted with porcelain wax dolls warning to “never trust a pretty girl with an ugly secret” in a Gothic script. She asked if I’d watched the TV adaptation yet and we immediately exchanged phone numbers to text about upcoming episodes. We then fell into the fandom. Fast.

I’d never talked to Taylor before this interaction — we had only been in a few classes together — but I always saw her as approachable and friendly. Universally, the beginning of middle school is a big and terrifying year when kids from different elementary schools unite. Eager to meet new people, I reached for friendship at any chance I could get. Taylor made it easy. Aside from being a genuinely kind person (a rare trait for a middle schooler!), she was fangirling over the same thing as me.

Fast forward over a decade later, and the show still feels timeless, especially in its accurate depictions of how dramatic high school can get. It’s no surprise there’s a PLL HBO Max reboot on the way along with the remakes of other buzzy shows from that era (hello, 2010s nostalgia). Ah. It was a simpler time. Back then, Freeform was still ABC Family and for me, Tuesdays meant one thing: PLL is on. What first started as a solo viewing experience soon became a designated hangout time, a time slot reserved for me and Taylor to gush over how much we loved Ashley Benson. (We still do!)

The series had a vibe similar to Gossip Girl or Bridgerton in that a mysterious, unidentifiable pot-stirrer keeps fans guessing each episode, but it was arguably so much better since “A,” the anonymous villain, is out for, you know, murder. Ultimately, it was the type of whodunit that made me and Taylor (and millions of viewers) go down a couple of Reddit rabbit holes — remember the “Aria is A” suspicion? — and this is where my and Taylor’s experience with fan theories began.

Oh, and let’s not forget the location. PLL takes place in the fictional suburb of Rosewood, Pennsylvania, and for two girls from Bucks Country — aka the Philadelphia ‘burbs — we ate it up. The beloved “Welcome to the Dollhouse” episode was exceptionally creepy not only because the Liars get locked into a life-size replica of their bedrooms, but also because our real neighborhood looks extremely similar to their hometown. It operates like Rosewood, too, in that small-town gossip travels at lightning speed.

The Pennsylvania-based plotline also made it easier for us to identify with the characters, who felt like extensions of ourselves. In many ways, we got to know each other through their personalities. Taylor is studious and high-achieving, obviously a Spencer. And I owned feather earrings because I saw Lucy Hale sport them in Season 1, so obviously an Aria. Asking “Are you more of a Hanna or an Emily?” held as much weight in 2012 as asking someone their rising sign in 2021. While it might not say much, it also tells you everything you need to know about a person.

PLL got its start right before live-tweeting shows became popularized, so when we weren’t together, I used to text Taylor on my slide-out keyboard phone (only Zillennials will remember) to compare notes without stumbling upon many spoilers. They read something like this: “Caleb and Hanna are soul mates, TBH.” Like every other fan, we theorized about why A had to be Ian… and Melissa… and Jenna… and Mona… and, you get the point. When our elaborate speculations ran cold, we’d pause DVR’d episodes to gather more clues, like glimpses of Red Coat’s face in her second season introduction, or inspections of those eerie-gloved hands assembling dolls and sharpening knives at the end of each episode.

This game of Clue made room for conversations about all the things. We were in high school during the show’s peak, so it felt like the Liars had laid the groundwork for how to operate our school’s halls. Rosewood High was not traditional — uh, multiple students came back from the dead (*cough* Mona and Alison) — but it did prepare us for the stressors of college applications and first romantic relationships. In fact, Benson’s Hanna Marin would be proud of my matchmaking skills because back then, I introduced Taylor to the boyfriend she’s still with today.

As we both grew up with the show, our friendship got even deeper. The Liars weren’t the only ones to share secrets, and I found it incredibly easy to confide in Taylor. She’s trustworthy, level-headed, compassionate, and an excellent listener. She’s someone I know will always pick up on the second ring and is the type of friend to be there with advice, reassurance, and a quick-witted one-liner. She once joked about never needing a diary because we’ve transcribed the past 10 years of our lives via text.

Our bond has remained strong, especially because the most outrageous PLL-esque plotlines of our lives are ones we’ve experienced together. I love Taylor because I don’t have to provide background for my stories. I’m even so familiar with the cast of characters in her life that when someone re-enters after a long period, I like to say they Alison DiLaurentis’ed her.

And on the off-chance she’s not there to witness something meaningful happen to me IRL, she’s always ready to decipher what went down over texts or dinner and drinks — just like we did when we were teens trying to figure out who A was (minus the wine, of course).

The way she can reconstruct my way of thinking and offer up a perspective I hadn’t seen before is almost paranormal. Whether these are Taylor’s naturally given talents or traits learned from peeling back all the layers of the series, I’m not sure. But she’s always there to decode situations with me — whether they relate to a TV show or during moments when I feel lost.

I couldn’t be more thankful that Taylor entered my life and that PLL played a role in our friendship. I feel so incredibly lucky to know someone like her. Plus, now I have someone who is obligated to watch the reboot with me. Ali was right: Friends do share secrets. And she’s ~quite literally~ the reason Taylor’s got all of mine. Spencer and Aria, you’ve got some competition.

Get Relationship Advice Here

[mordoriscalling]

48 Weeks (1/4)

Throughout the 48 weeks that Geralt and Jaskier spend apart, their relationship develops.

Aka, part 3 of the Singer and the Sailor AU no one asked for but I wrote anyway. The events of this story happen after Stay or Sail Away but before Homecoming. Warnigns: some sexual content ahead! 

Weeks 1-12

Week 1

The memory of everyone he left behind is still fresh in his mind. He clearly recalls how he embraced Ciri and Yen for the last time. The hugs were short but his daughter and ex-wife know that he needs to grow distanced before deployment. It hurts less this way.

Jaskier was there to say goodbye too, but it was different with him. He has no idea how all of this works, and they only had mere three weeks to enjoy each other’s company. They tried to make best of it but Geralt still wanted to detach himself in the last week. Jaskier reacted with panic and kept asking if he’d done something wrong.

The only wrong Jaskier’s ever done was to appear in Geralt’s life just like that, waltzing past his walls and defences with laughable ease. Jaskier is loud and bright, almost unbearably so, and everything is suddenly too dark and quiet when he isn’t there.

Geralt didn’t use to mind dark and quiet. He rather enjoyed them, in fact. Now, as he waits for Jaskier’s first video call, he’s vaguely annoyed that he allowed Jaskier to influence him like this in such a short period of time. The change is small but significant and he shouldn’t have let it happen, not so fast.

But then Jaskier’s face appears on the screen, his face lit up by a brilliant smile, and any negative thoughts suddenly fly out of Geralt’s mind.

“Hi, handsome,” Jaskier purrs.

“Hello,” Geralt replies.  

“I must say,” Jaskier goes on in low voice, “the sight of you in the uniform does certain... things to me.”

Geralt looks down at his clothes with a bemused frown. He’s wearing a white, long-sleeved shirt with shoulder pads showing his rank, a black tie and black trousers. It’s nothing special. He has no idea what Jaskier sees but what he does know is that Jaskier’s gaze on him is distracting, so Geralt decides to change the subject. Clearing his throat, he asks, “How are you?”

Jaskier beams as if he asked the best possible question.

Week 2

“How the first two weeks on the ship have been?”

“Busy,” Geralt answers truthfully.

“And?” Jaskier prompts, after a moment of silence.

Geralt sighs, irritated. “And there’s a lot of work to do and some chaos, like always at the beginning.”

Jaskier chuckles. “This will have to suffice for now, but know this, White Wolf: I will get all your stories out of you.”

Geralt rolls his eyes and asks, “How are you?”

There’s that smile again.

Week 3

“How are you?”

Jaskier’s grin is blinding as he answers, “Honestly, Geralt, you’re just so sweet.”

Geralt grunts. Jaskier has to be mentally challenged in some way, to think that the basic human decency which Geralt displays is some kind of special gesture. (Or have had unpleasant experiences with past relationships but that doesn't seem right. Who would treat Jaskier like that?)

He only asks Jaskier about how he’s doing the first moment he can. It’s not much but Jaskier appears to think it is. Geralt’s not going to correct him, not when it makes Jaskier smile like that.

Week 4

“I wrote you a song.”

Geralt doesn’t know what to say to that.

“I’ll send you the recording, just tell me what you think.”

He only nods. As he listens to the song after they hang up, he can’t find any words to describe it. The beautiful lyrics tell a story of lovers camping in a forest, and Jaskier’s voice conveys so many emotions that Geralt’s chest aches.

Before the knows it, he listens to the song every evening, then it keeps replaying in his mind at all times. Jaskier’s voice is there with him, luring him towards thoughts that he shouldn’t entertain, and it all affects him in a way he struggles to express.

Week 5

“Thank you, siren.”

It’s the only words he’s found. Somehow, they seem to be enough for Jaskier.

Week 6

Jaskier is leaving on tour tomorrow, his first international one. He has a lot to say, but not necessarily on that topic.

“It turns out my agent and your ex-wife are friends from uni. I hate it, Geralt. I don’t want them to get along. I have a feeling I’m gonna have little say in my own life from now on.”

Geralt acknowledges Jaskier’s despair with a grunt that is barely noticed because Jaskier chatters on, “The only thing I’d hate more would be you knowing Triss too.”

Geralt frowns. There’s only one Triss he knows. “Triss Merigold?”

There’s a stunned pause and then, “What the fuck, Geralt –”

Week 7

Jaskier is in Europe now and Geralt is somewhere on the Atlantic but he can’t say anything else. Jaskier seems tired but Geralt finds out that it doesn’t make him any less talkative.

“I’m still not over the fact that you were right there the whole time –”

“Jaskier –”

“ – just two introductions away!” A huff. “Hey Jaskier,” he pitches his voice high, imitating how a woman would sound rather well, “do you know my friend Yennefer? Oh, and here’s her ex-husband, who’s gonna ruin you for other men, women, and everyone in between and outside of that spectrum.”

Geralt snorts.

“I could’ve had you for so much longer,” Jaskier laments, “But actually, I wouldn’t have, because it seems I’d have had no idea about your existence at all if not for Lambert? Those two introductions were possible for five goddamn years that Triss has been my agent but apparently, that’s not enough time for it to happen –”

“Jaskier,” Geralt sighs. He needs some sleep and rest. He misses home, already.

“Yes, dear?” Jaskier asks.

Geralt does want to tell him to shut up but Jaskier’s eyes are too distracting, so what comes out of his mouth is, “Sing something.”

Jaskier obliges with the brightest of smiles.

Week 8

“We can’t –”

“I know,” Jaskier replies, “but that’s the thrill of it, don’t you think, darling?”

Geralt clenches his jaw, breathing heavily. The temptation is so strong he almost trembles, like a bloody teenager. Memories don’t work in his favour now – he still remembers Jaskier’s scent, how his skin, mouth and cum tastes. It sets his nerves on fire, and it takes every ounce of his self-control not to start palming himself through his trousers as Jaskier keeps talking in that damned husky voice.

“You know... your moans are the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard.”

He bites down at his lip, hard.

“Moan for me, Geralt.”

Geralt does.

Week 9

It’s been more than two months and gloomy silence hangs between them as they stare at each other through the screen.

“Tell me something funny,” Jaskier says.

Geralt searches for any memory of the kind in his mind. When he finally finds it, he launches into the story, “There was that time when me, Eskel and Lambert went out and got so drunk that we blacked out. Next thing we know, we’re in some stranger’s flat, and Lambert’s wearing actual handcuffs, his hand tied to the guy’s ankle.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. We couldn’t find the keys to uncuff them anywhere and we couldn’t pick the lock either. Me and Eskel had to get clippers to set them free. We still have no idea how we got there.”

Jaskier starts chortling.

“That’s how Lambert met his boyfriend Aiden. They’ve been together for seven years now.”

Jaskier keeps cackling. When Geralt realises that listening to that – probably the most inelegant sound he’s ever heard in his life – warms him to his very core because it’s Jaskier’s laugh, there’s only one thought on his mind.

Fuck.

Week 10

“Another song?”

“Yes,” Jaskier admits, looking almost embarrassed, “I hope you like it.”

“Hmm.”

He knows he will. When he listens to the recording, he quickly finds out he wasn’t wrong. The song is more lively and dramatic than the first one, expressing the wonder of watching your lover move, and it feels like a promise. It makes Geralt look beyond the sea.  

Week 11

“Thank you for the song, siren.”

Jaskier sighs in a love-sick way. “I wish I could kiss you right now. Have got the slightest idea what I’d do to you?”

Geralt smirks. “Why don’t you tell me?”

Jaskier moans and goes on to describe his fantasy in vivid detail.

Week 12

Geralt toys with the gold wolf signet as he waits for Jaskier’s call and tries not to drown in grim thoughts.

Being away from his family starts getting hard. The worst period of deployment begins – he hasn’t been away from home long enough to forget but just enough to miss his loved ones terribly and not be able to get over it. The very second his thoughts wander away from work at hand, he remembers Ciri’s laugh, Yen’s smile, his brother’s embraces and father’s gruffness.

Then there’s Jaskier, with his bloody bright smiles, charm, quick wit and endearing... everything. He makes it so much harder.

They should’ve just parted ways, Geralt muses. They shouldn’t have exchanged their “engagement rings” for safekeeping to give them back to each other after Geralt returns like it’s some ridiculous romance novel.

Jaskier’s ridiculous like that, though, and Geralt’s still hasn’t learnt to say no to him.

When Jaskier greets him cheerfully and asks him about how he’s doing, a smile tugs at Geralt’s lips as he answers, “Better now.”

Part 2

***

A/N: you can also read this on AO3. 

The first song that Jaskier writes is in Icelandic IRL (and it’s so goddamn beautiful) but even the English lyrics are just so stunning, I can 100% imagine Jaskier singing that:  This night is ours, spring in the forrest air Let’s pitch our tent among the berries over there. Lead me, my dearest, to the grove of yesterday Where the brook kindly whispers and the birches sway. Light locks in motion, lingering emotion A rose scented breeze from the Fae Dew drops glitter, the dale is quiet and fair Dreams coming true for lovers sleeping there Heather blushing in the evening sun’s last ray The cool quiet night comes after a perfect day Light locks in motion, lingering emotion A rose scented breeze from the Fae

[skittlewaffle]

No longer participating in “I love ‘@ this’ user” tag games because.,,

1. I’m gonna forget someone by accident and make them feel bad

2. Really not motivated to stay on my phone all day even to type some quick response to being given love

3. (A bit more petty:) The previous people always steal the tags of people I like and I can hardly play -_-

4. Constantly spamming hearts and other emojis is boring / annoying / not fun for me to do.

5. I’m not good at showing feelings in general so I mean you shouldn’t care about my showing you affection anyway

6. This may be self-contradictory, but everyone’s like “Ohh take some time for yourself!! Self love is important uwu” But isn’t that.. selfish?? I’m getting off my devices not to have me-time but to get away from my friends. It’s.. overwhelming?? I have so many now. As much as I love my followers, tumblr / discord fam, etc. and would love to give them time for affection n stuff, I just,, can’t do it right / don’t feel like it. Am I hurting my relationships with them by being inactive?

7. I’m never really in contact with anyone but my tumblr-less friend and his *sighs* mega active and kinda weird (sometimes uncomfortable) discord server. I don’t feel like talking to anyone else despite my longing to make better connections with my current followers / mutuals and reconnect with old friends, irl and online. (That’s one reason I helped make another server but it’s so dead and.. repetitive, that I hardly care to check in anymore despite how great the posted art, stories, etc. are there, along with such amazing people.)

8. I’m just not motivated cause I’m a real suckish friend over all.

9. I seem to drift away from my friends at some point, no matter how close we are.

10. I’m just not down for these ask games from positivity anons that basically obligate me to take time from my day to go to inboxes and give love that I really hate giving / suck at giving. I’m just gonna delete those from now on.

11. I do appreciate when people tag me in reblog games, it gives me some kind of happiness / feelings of acceptance. I’ll let you do that, but please don’t make me play.

12. Uh, I’m sorry. I really do care. Please understand that I just don’t feel right giving something that I’m reminded or told by a chain of posts to give.

13. All this said, I may or may not only leave a like on posts that mention / recognize me as a friend, good person, blah blah blah... I sound like a broken record when it comes to expending energy to come up with a “unique” response in the form of a reblog or reply.

14. I’d better appreciate people trying to have meaningful conversations with me, having a clear reason / goal in mind. I understand being shy but if you don’t think you can ever get through to me, please don’t bother. So many people have done that and only made it awkward. Wasted their breath on giving some kinda “introduction” and started small talk, only for us to have never cliqued. Even people that did get along well with me have awkward moments with me now or we hardly talk. Bad awkward, not good awkward.

15. Also, part of my definition of “meaningful” is this: not trying to reach out to me because you saw this post. Meaningful, to me, means doing it because it’s how you already felt, not because you were convicted here just now. It could serve as a reminder and I’m fine with that, but this post can’t make the decision for you.. just like positivity anons can’t force me to spread joy everywhere.

...Sorry. And please reblog this; I can tell that my followers are seeing my vents if they simply leave a like. On vents, I don’t see the little heart as “I like this!” (thus making users not ‘like’ vents cause it’d be rude in their own eyes) but as “I’ve read this, and I understand,” so please don’t scroll past it without showing me somehow that you at least saw it. I get super anxious if it gets so few notes or doesn’t get responded to. Even a short reply is appreciated. Spread the word, please.

[weltonreject]

[[MORE]]

08.17.20

re: trying new things (a la journaling!)- i've been watching a lot of like, morning routine/aesthetic montage of coffee drinking @ 5:30am/ peaceful definitely idealized and intentionally scenic daily life videos a lot recently. and it's definitely inspiring (?) as i creep closer to moving out, esp in contract to the dark academia and study/"productivity" posts i keep feeding myself in order to picture how i want to have my days look, and go into my new home with intention.

i'm personally, um, not doing very well at this particular moment (hence the inconsistent writing, answering, and posting) and living alone has not seemed like the best idea. but watching these videos and getting advice for journaling (which I'll respond to more directly asap thank you for all the tips btw love y'all xo) has been both incredibly intimidating to a part of me that needs things to be Perfect or Else, but also encouraging for me to not sabotage myself before i even get TO my own living space where i can craft a morning routine or budget or diet or Self.

i want to pick out ways to decorate my room in the most pretentious & DA way because why not? i want to start a morning routine of note taking and reading and tea! i want to learn a third language and fold that into my routine! i want to take back learning and care and independence without a grade over me.

but i also know that this excitement is very reactionary. i'm not well. and it's weird to say. and weird to look at these DA aes posts and have them be a... "positive" (???) example of things i can "do" if i get help and get better. i can include those kind of studying/learning (out of school)/gloomy autumnal Vibez into my life if i take care of it enough to actually have energy to shape it.

DA is obviously not the end all be all and should not be a priority to anyone's life purpose/self/identity etc. like. we know this. but in living alone i am getting the chance to indulge in all that stupidly and wonderfully pretentious things we all love about our favorite books and characters and films-- and frankly, each other! it's exciting to think i'll be able to read in all my free time at work and not have a grade to dictate the notes or research i do (or why i'm doing it at 3am...) or i can try new teas and coffees with my morning routine of peace and quiet (and my new habit of piano-based film scores). i feel inspired to be excited and excited to be excited...

i guess this counts as beginning steps to daily journaling, but i'm saying it here because... i don't know, there's something about the performative nature of seeing Aesthetic Journaling that has actually come full circle and gotten me to ACTUALLY do it, rather than fret over perfection. and do it in a way that keeps me accountable? like, i know i am not doing well-- but i didn't want to just write about that (here) and enforce that Poor Coping Mechanisms Hype. i also didn't want it to slip past myself, as it would by staying in a more private place (bc i know myself, not bc i think all feelings should be public instead), that i am feeling slightly energized to... frankly, save my own life.

i want to bookmark that i do want to make a very brooding (and healthy) little slice of post-undergrad, grad school life for myself in the coming months. i want to... feel good enough about my situation to buy myself some fucking furniture? and to plan on literally purchasing groceries as a regular habit? and take care of my life, even if i want it "follow" a certain Energy that's all about academia and being a nitwit in a tweed coat yellin' about homoerotic subtext in "classic" literature...

i want to say this, mostly for my dumb ass, to remind myself that bitch you are excited. there are things to look forward to creating, even if you feel anxious about it needing to be perfect. this is also a way to have things pre-written when i, eventually, need to call my own self out to my friends and say that i need some help. a little support and supervision to this new life i have complete free reign over; if my excitement is reactionary, my destructive behavior can be the same way.

this is already way too long. this was literally just supposed to be about watching a "my 5:30am routine" and feeling like i want to make a very mindful and unplugged routine to read and make my own coffee every day. that was it. but then i remembered... that there's a lot more i have to do before i can even consider making "morning ritual✨" content and posts and videos or whatever to share with y'all (bc if I get into this grad school i do want to start sharing stuff that relates to my new reading lists and study habits and writing methods blah blah blah we get it Mitchell you want to engage with people who have your interests SHH). before i can do that, i have to like. be healthy enough to have any of that be healthy, and not just an avoidance technique. or literally a way to make myself worse (and i mean d**d, technically).

so, somehow, still writing. needing to shut up. but, i wanted to say something for myself, but in a way that can be pointed to like "hey, mitchell, you uhhhh work on this at all, or are you just Politely Not Seeing It??" (providing i get to a worse place in which i am not communicating these thoughts to my irl friends i am moving closer to... although no one here is obligated to look after me. at all. to be clear.)

life is cool, man. i really like filling it with depressing and sorrowful literature and theory because it's interesting, but it's cool. it's cool to be alive for, ya know? life is worth being alive for to shape and create to your own liking. that's literally the point. and i forget thag. constantly.

hope life is cool to you. i think you're very cool for being here, alive today. sending you my warmest regards (or maybe coolest bc summer & motifs)...

sto lat.

mitchell k.

[unkindrewind]

L A W S

* Charlie, his setting, and plot were all developed and conceived by myself and Bunny @gcrefxed / @killerxquccn. While we’re totally fine with others adding their characters into the setting / plot, it must be discussed first by either Bunny or myself. Theft will not be tolerated and WILL be called out.

* Unless it's something applicable to our muses collectively, Please reblog memes or posts in general from the source. I'm not a resource blog and if treated as one, especially by blogs who never interact, I will soft block.

* I will NOT interact with blogs that use youtubers, social media influencers, or anime / drawn characters for their Fcs. Nothing against you, it’s just not my thing.

* I will BLOCK personal blogs that reblog, like, or follow, as I like to keep interactions here between fellow rp mutuals. If you have an rp side-blog, let me know beforehand so I dont mistake you for a non -rp personal.

* I WILL NOT interact with minors. Given the content on this blog and the fact I’m an oldie, I just feel more comfortable writing with people of age, not to mention feel more comfortable exploring the darker / horror themes of this blog with adult mutuals.

* As stated I am MUTUALS ONLY,   meaning i will only write with mutuals. While I do greatly appreciate people following and showing interest, if i dont follow back there’s genuinely no hard feelings. Its not a slight against you or in any way me thinking less of your character or taking some weird high and mighty attitude but : 1. I just get very overwhelmed with an overly busy dash and need to be a bit selective to prevent my anxiety from going nuts 2. At the time, I'm not seeing a way or know how our characters could interact. You’re more than welcome to unfollow. Alternatively please dont feel obligated to follow back if I follow first, aside from understanding this blogs content might not be for everyone, i don't believe in follow for follow. So if you're not genuinely interested in writing, I'd prefer a soft block.  If you want to interact but don't follow me, chances are I’ll say no as I take following as a sign of interest. I may take a while to follow back as my notifications on here are the worst. If I don’t follow back within a weeks time, feel free to unfollow. .

T H R E A D S  /   P L O T T I N G

*  I love plotting. If given my way I'd be plot exclusive but I know that's not everyone's cup of tea. If you're ever interested in plotting, know I am already onboard.

*  If you want to turn a meme or ask into a thread, I’d prefer to be asked before hand. Simply because sometimes its nice to have memes just be stand alone things or for fun.              

  -   Additionally I take the memes I send in to others as just memes for memes sake as well, so if you want a thread to continue off one you'll have to let me know , otherwise I'm clueless.

S H I P P I N G   /   D Y N A M I C S

As of 8/14/20 Charlie is no longer open to romantic ships with female muses specifically, and will ship only with Bunny’s female muses: Irene @gcrefxed and Sarah @killerxquccn  , with her characters being detrimental in Charlie's story and to his character. Sarah specifically has always been the love of Charlie's life with the likelihood of anyone (beyond Irene) able to come close slim to none. This in no way means I will not interact with female muses or am being exclusionary  from this point; I always want to explore the multitude of subtleties in dynamics between Charlie and muses of every gender - even female muses having feelings for charlie, flirting with him etc - but dynamics with those female leaning will not result in anything romantic. Male muses, however,  are still open to the possibility of such a dynamic as that aspect to Charlies sexuality and character hasnt been delved into and I would find really interesting to explore. If you have any questions, feel free to ask! But please respect this decision and don't try to pressure or force me to change my mind as that will result in an automatic block. I ship based on chemistry between muses, but Im also very okay with pre-established dynamics (whether that be romantic, friends with benefits, enemies, platonic, familial, whatever!) Considering that can be a bit easier thread wise for some people instead of starting from the very beginning.  As with most things, I like to talk through it beforehand. If you have anything in mind, you're more than welcome to approach me! But I also reserve the right to respectfully turn things down or offer alternate options if things don't mesh.

S M U T

While I, and my muse, are of age, I’m not entirely comfortable writing smut unless it’s with a mun 1.) I know well and 2.) Is of age. So for the most part any if it all suggestive scenes will lead to a fade to black, time skip, etc.

T R I G G E R S

My muse being horror related there may be some triggers here. There will be mentions, and maybe -though rarely- the occasional image, of : Blood,  Violence , Murder , Serial Killers . Knives / Bladed weapons. I will ABSOLUTELY tag NSFW material [ with the tag nsfw > ] and triggers where applicable, though if you would like me to tag something specific to your needs or if there’s something I missed, don’t hesitate to let me know and I will do so right away!

M U N

* I write under the alias Nox! ( She/Her ) and I am of age

* i am a-okay with questions, especially about my muse! if you have any about anything at all i will be more than happy to answer them the best i can! 

* Also totally fine with random IMs! despite being spacy as hell sometimes, I love talking to people. Even if we havent talked or interacted  before, doors always open. I also have discord which I'll hand out to those I chat with and ask for it.

* I am very forgetful and easily distracted! Its the ADHD / Anxiety in me, added in with my irl stuff going on. Sometimes I forget to respond to IMs, but I promise it's not me ignoring you or a sign of disinterest [if we're mutuals, Im interested]. Dont be afraid to give me a poke if i take too long.     

    - Adding onto that I also have Depression . Which tends to put me in a bad headspace not only fairly often but fairly easily and makes me a bit tentative about trying to start things with others, based on bad past experience and my own mind being a bastard and thinking most people don't want to interact with me. So I promise, if we're mutuals, even if Im not sending things, I want to interact but probably being a clown and just afraid to while admiring you from afar until I can make a move. If you want to go ahead and go for it, I highly encourage it! Your best bet would be to approach me first.

* You can also find me on my other blogs:

@rapturcd // Bioshock OC

@fullcfwoe // CAOS OCs

@synthend // Cyberpunk OC

@sxnned // Demon  OC

@disowncd // Dylan Massett from Bates Motel

@clovcn // Lucifer from CAOS

R E S P O N S E T I M E / A C T I V I T Y

As it is i have a hard time keeping muse, just the way i am sadly. i know this is something a lot of people, myself included, can find frustrating (especially when you’re really into a thread) but a fair amount of the time i may take a while to respond. as much as i love this, aside from being a hobby, i have a chronic illness that makes me exhausted most days or just not in the mood to write and not in any kind of state to type out a response you lovely people would deserve. though i will always try to quickly reply when i can.

M E M E S

Yes. please. send as many as you want, as often as you want. Even if we haven’t interacted, you’re free to send one my way; They can be a great place to start things off.

P O S T L E N G T H  /  F O R M A T T I N G

 * I tend to use icons and small - but not super tiny-  text,  and usually some form of para, multi-para , or novella, but it really depends on my mood etc. Though all these things can vary : If you dont use icons, I can do iconless threads. If my formatting is too small, obnoxious, or hard to read, let me know! And I'll change to whatevers easiest to read. Want something short and sweet, mostly dialogue based? I can do that too. I go with the flow

* You don’t have to match my length in posts! sometimes i can write far too much when i get really into writing (and alternatively not write enough), so don’t feel obligated or pressured to follow suit by any means! whatever you are comfortable with is totally okay! it’s not a contest, this is all for fun.

G R A P H I C S / C R E D I T

* all icons and graphics are created by me unless stated otherwise

* icon psd by plutocommissions

* border by venuscomissions

Thank you sm for taking the time to read!

[recentanimenews]

Horimiya – 02 – Your (First) Name.

The first Horimiya was so nice I watched it twice, and if anything it was even better because I didn’t have to take mental notes for a review, I just slipped into it like a warm cozy blanket and enjoyed. I enjoyed so much, in fact, at no point during the two viewings did I realize that Kyouko didn’t know Miyamura’s first name!

But before that, Kyouko and Izumi are strolling along the shopping district when she overhears the theme song of an anime Souta likes, and starts singing along. In addition to showing off Tomatsu Haruka’s lovely singing voice, she also charms Izumi to no end, even though she herself is embarrassed.

It’s such a gorgeous and realisitc little moment in these two’s normal lives, not just because she felt so carefree with Izumi she sang in front of him without thinking. Memorizing songs your kid siblings (or kids, if you’re a parent) is just a thing that happens IRL. You think I care about “Let it Go” enough to memorize the lyrics? Doesn’t matter, because my nieces watched Frozen literally hundreds of times!

Back to first names: Kyouko suddenly realizes she doesn’t know Miyamura’s when her perpetually busy mom stops by the house unannounced. Voiced by Kayano Ai in Full Mischievous Mom Mode, Kyouko can’t conceal how much Miyamura has been over of late since Souta is right there to fact-check. That said, Kyouko’s description of him as “dark villain in a detective movie”? *Chef’s kiss*

While a more structurally complex episode than the first, Horimiya hews to storytelling best practices. A “what’s your first name” scenario could be drawn out across a whole episode, but it manages to resolve things in just a third of one. Kyouko’s Wile E. Coyote-like attempts to learn without asking fail hilariously, particularly when she has the gall to ask Tooru, the guy she just rejected, about Miyamura!

With her mom around, Kyouko has a surefire way of hearing Miyamura introduce himself, but her mom seems to sense she’s trying to take a shortcut and save face, so she diabolically sends Kyouko off on an errand when Miyamura stops by. Finally, with Miyamura directly asking if something’s bothering her, and if it’s because she has a crush on someone, she has no choice but to come clean.

Miyamura Izumi has a good laugh at her expense, and Souta calls her lame, especially when Izumi has known her first name all along. But at the end of the segment, she’s able to cast aside the histrionics and laugh about it with them. The bit doesn’t go on any longer than it needs to, and now Kyouko has a piece of paper with Izumi’s name, so she has no excuse to forget it!

The next segment introduces three new classmates, bringing the total to seven. All three are in the Student Council, and include President, Top-Ranked student, and Kyouko’s childhood friend Sengoku Kakeru, his gorgeous girlfriend/StuCo mascot Ayasaki Remi (M · A · O), and the VP, Kouno Sakura.

The StuCo and Kakeru in particular seem to have no qualms pushing huge heaps of StuCo paperwork on Kyouko, despite her not being a member. Worse still, much of the work she’s tasked with doing should be Remi’s responsibility. Kyouko’s friends Yuki, Tooru, and Izumi can tell all the extra work is weighing on her, but she seems stubbornly determined—and oddly obligated—to do it anyway.

Later that afternoon, while Izumi is minding his own business in the hall, thinking about whether to bake Kyouko a cake to cheer her up, Remi races past and barrels into him, spilling a huge box of papers everywhere. Then Remi has the temerity to ask him to watch where he’s going. Dude was stationary, kid! When he notices she left a stack of papers behind, she says it’s cool to just toss them.

The next day, Izumi arrives to find a potential dust-up in the hallway, as Kakeru accuses Kyouko of losing track of the budget papers. She rightfully pleads innocence, and while Kakeru admits both sides share some responsibility, he still demands an apology. Kyouko seems on the verge of tears as the crowd around them prepares to make their own conclusions.

From then, it’s Izumi to the rescue, handing his bag and glasses to Tooru for safekeeping, pushing through the crush, and delivering a swift headbutt to Kakeru, then producing the missing budget papers. Remi is revealed as the party responsible for their being misplaced, and turns on the waterworks.

But like Izumi lying to Tooru last week, or the first-name thing this week, this is just another thing, and all parties are able move past it. The StuCo bow in apologetic unison, Yuki gives Kyouko a relieved hug, and Kyouko thanks her pierced knight in tattooed armor.

As for why he headbutted Kakeru, well…the guy was simply pissing him off. Me too, Izumi! But we also learn the reason why Kakeru and Kyouko’s dynamic is the way it is. It reveals that ever since they were little tykes and through grade and middle school, Kyouko consistently bullied and messed with Kakeru.

I for one am glad Kakeru isn’t just a one-dimensional bad guy, but something more nuanced, and with reason and history behind his manner. He vowed to Kyouko that he’d make something of himself in high school and she’d no longer be able to mess with him, and so he has; he’s the academic top dog and loved by virtually everyone.

Izumi is a new wrinkle in their long-standing relationship, and even though Izumi has no intention of delivering any further headbutts, Kakeru still shrinks into a anxious ball when Izumi greets him in the morning. Maybe Kakeru, like his childhood friend, also sees the detective movie villain in him!

The third and final segment (lotta bang for the buck this week!) could also have been stretched into an entire episode, but Horimiya’s writing is tight and efficient enough that it’s able to basically tell three episodes worth of story in one. This one focuses on the fact Kyouko’s birthday is coming up, concurrent with spring break.

Souta asks Kyouko if Izumi (whom he thinks of as a brother now) will be over every day; Kyouko gently warns her little bro that the day may come when Izumi won’t come over anymore. That could be for a variety of reasons, from the two of them drifting apart, to him finding a girl(or boy)friend, to them simply graduating and ending up in different places afterwards.

The bottom line is, Kyouko is as sad as Souta about the prospect of Izumi not coming around anymore. Fortunately, that prospect should be a ways off, if it ever comes. Izumi comes by with a cake (natch) as well as a very personalized and thoughful gift: a CD of “all the popular music young people like right now” (I love how she phrases it as if she were some old lady).

Between school, housework, and caring for Souta, Kyouko confessed to have fallen behind on musical trends. She told Izumi this back when she was singing the anime theme. He not only remembered, but got her exactly what she wanted. She’s amazed he did this, but she shouldn’t be. As Souta tells her earlier, exhibiting quite the precociousness, she should be more honest with herself.

Both express their happiness in that moment with wide but also tentative smiles, as they both look outside the window and watch the sakura petals falling. If it’s Kyouko’s birthday, it means spring break is almost over, and they’ll be in their third and final year of high school soon.

For such an ostensibly jam-packed episode, the fact this moment is given such time to breathe and fill the space says a lot about the deftness of Horimiya’s direction. It also says a lot about the writing in terms of what isn’t said in this closing scene, simply letting the joy of being together in the present become tempered by the uncertainty of future. Frankly, Izumi and Kyouko should stop worrying so much about the future and try to enjoy life in the present!

Yes, it’s something to think about, but it cannot dominate their thoughts, nor always mar otherwise happy times. Heck, the fact they’re so apprehensive about a future in which they’re not together should be an obvious sign of their feelings for one another. If they’re so concerned about time, then they should get a move on with acknowledging those feelings and making them known to one another.

By: sesameacrylic

[cherryblossomchris]

I got tagged by @the-last-airbadger (thanks :) I love being tagged)

1st: tag people who you want to know better

(@ MYSELF DONT FUCKING FORGET TO TAG PEOPLE HERE WHEN YOU’RE DONE)

(QUICK NOTE: Don’t feel obligated to participate; if you’re uncomfortable sharing any of this information, or you simply aren’t interested, I’m not going to be offended, or judge you for not adding to this. Just stick with what you’re comfortable with; I completely understand if you don’t want to fill this out. It really isn’t a big deal, and I’m certainly not going to be upset if you opt out because sharing personal info makes you anxious, or this just isn’t your thing. Please, just do what’s right for you.)

^^ I’d like to keep that in here as well

2nd: bold the statements that are true

Appearance:

I am 5′7″ or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo - I have at least one piercing (if earrings count) - I have blonde hair (but I dye it all the time) - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or have had braces -

Personality:

I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically, and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality -

Ability:

I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 push-ups without stopping - I am a fast runner (I can run really fast for around half a minute max and then my lungs stop functioning) - I can draw well - I have a good memory (it’s very selective) - I am good at doing math in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people at arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch -

Hobbies:

I enjoy sports (some of them)- I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing (fun fact I’m writing an actual book I hope to publish someday - irl, not just online) - I do some form of martial arts -

Experiences:

I have had my first kiss (what I had doesn’t really count I had one years ago and a few in Truth or Dare games) - I have had alcohol (just tiny bits so doesn’t really count again - I can’t really have alcohol because of medication) - I have scored winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts (nooo I really wanted to go to the bvb concert in Tilburg this week but I had school the next day :(((((( still hate the fact I didn’t go anyway) -

My Life:

I have one person that I consider to be my best friend - I live close to my school/work (45 minute bike ride away (13 km)) - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smartphone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone -

Relationships:

I am in a relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily (I get really small crushes and them usually they disappear and never return) - I have had crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend -

Random:

I have break-danced - I know someone named Jamie - I have a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair- I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least 2 languages- I have made a new friend in the past year -

[waldeinsamkeitny-blog]

On being an occasional fraud; and friendship.

A few months ago I was at a party and catching up with a person I hadn’t seen in a while. We weren��t friends, exactly, but definitely occupied the same concentric orbits: employees or ex-employees of a software company who were loyal denizens of Williamsburg. It was great to see him and make casual conversation on the steps of our friends’ walk-up, amidst the empty cups and next to a bike that took up 20 inches too many on the stairwell. Towards the end of our conversation, I suggested we grab coffee sometime; he responded (kindly) with “no, that will never happen.”

It was bit jarring to be called out – especially seeing as, before that moment, I hadn’t thought of myself as a hypocrite in my relationships with other people. If anything, I had always been the person who remembered birthdays, sent handwritten Valentine’s Day cards, and bought cookies for co-workers when they were having bad days.

And yet here I was, utterly exposed and acutely aware of the casual, well-intentioned fraudulence that plagues and often bookends our conversations: “It’s been so long” [insert conversation] and ending with “let’s grab coffee/a drink sometime.” If anything, the exchange made me more conscious of how empty those words sound, how ubiquitous these open-ended invitations become, and how the low likelihood of follow-through leaves us in limbo, until the next chance encounter (or until the next time we RSVP ‘Yes’ to a birthday party on Facebook with the intention of ‘playing it by ear.’)

I’ve been thinking about friendship quite a bit lately, and these musings often seem to dovetail with an itch to move out of New York. Since coming here in late 2013, I’ve never had a nucleus of friends; the majority of my best friends are scattered throughout the US – Austin, Boston, DC – and a handful have moved across the Atlantic to London. Luckily, lacking this tight-knit circle forced and empowered me to slowly create a constellation of wonderful friends and mentors, from college, internships, past jobs, networking events, yoga communities, and through the pure serendipity of living in New York. For the most part these friendships developed organically, but they also require continuous cultivation, care, and diligent maintenance (in other words, laughably drawn-out text exchanges determining an ideal date when both parties are available, promptly followed by a calendar invite to hold said date).

I recently read an article on Man Repeller that discussed how “adult friendships” are imbued with a certain sadness; the author discusses her nostalgia for the simplicity of childhood friendships, which were transacted, built, and cared for in simple and straightforward terms. As our lives become more complex and more variables come into play, we are constantly assessing and recalibrating our hierarchies of needs and priorities. With these adjustments comes a certain fluidity to our relationships. The way we treat others reflects the dynamic state of our own inner battles: with health worries, work-life balance, untimely tragedies, romances, disordered eating behaviors and addiction issues. Inner volatility and our all-too-human insecurities can often cause us to become inconsiderate, forgetful, and self-centered. These undulations imprint on our friendships.

I sent my parents that same article with some personal thoughts (overall, I opined that it made some good points, and I identified with many of the arguments posited by readers in the comments section). With characteristic frankness, my father wrote back, “friendships take work and that is why you can’t be friends with everyone…everyone is busy, so take 30 minutes a day and dedicate it to sending a birthday card, setting up lunch, arranging drinks after work. Or else you’re copping out and not trying hard enough to prioritize what is important.”

To be clear, I don’t disagree with my father; prioritizing the important things, whatever those may be, is critical, as is developing a set of personal values against which you can evaluate what is actually and actionably “important.” But his comments also made me wonder what unique challenges we face as a digital generation, where social media omnipresence translates into something subtly resembling obligation. We have so many friends across our various social channels, and their posts constantly and subconsciously remind us just how great they are and how long it’s been since we last saw them. Is it hypocrisy to consistently like and comment on a friend’s Instagram with no effort dedicated towards catching up with that person IRL? I personally feel that vague sense of guilt sometimes, and it can be exhausting.

The impetus for writing this post (after a very long hiatus here) was two-fold: the past year has had its challenges for me, and I’ve been surprised, occasionally disappointed, and overall deeply moved by who showed up, where, and when they did. The second reason is the confessional, which is that I have shirked my duties as a friend; I have been the person who “copped out” for reasons that don’t pass muster; I have forgotten important events and to respond to text messages. It’s happened more so in the past year than it ever has.

I read another article on friendship just a few days ago, in the “Modern Love” column in The New York Times. This one was less social commentary and more personal narrative; its understated beauty stemmed from its brevity, and the fact that it elegantly distilled friendship down to its purest elements and disregarded the variables that, in the end, should be irrelevant. It made me consider the fact that friendship, at its best, is unspoken trust and temperamental complementariness, a mutual understanding of the strengths and flaws that prove to be fundamentally symbiotic.

I am very fortunate to have some amazing friends in that lifelong vein, but I also count my lucky stars – each one in that constellation – who keep me curious, and ensure that my life remains interesting.

This post has no thesis, really, but rather encourages anyone who reads to consider your micro-interactions – the promise to grab coffee with good intentions, but no intentional follow-through – and your bigger gestures. Our words and actions matter, and we can all strive to be more authentic in how we interact with one another.

To those friends I’ve disappointed, recently or in years past, and to those friends with whom I may have lost touch, I’m sorry.

And to all of the very rad people in my Instagram feed with whom I may or may not ever grab coffee or even see again: I wish you the best.

[not-so-jamaican-maughan]

I'll update y'all since after Graduation

First off, unless you want to you aren't obligated to read this as it is just a LONG update about my personal life because a lot of people from my past have been asking on here and I just wanted to update at once. This can also be an update to everyone who follows my blog that I have talked to or at least who may be interested. After high school I was SUPER convinced I was going to move in with family in California. I was super unhappy at home (actually I was until recently) and over all I just felt like California would have treated me better, I would have gone to college and tried figuring out life on my own. But through a series of hella crazy events I ended up staying, and although not in college I plan to take courses asap and am moving out with friends THIS WEEK! I am so excited. In that time I had been working at a tutoring center- I no longer work there because I left and it was horrible anyway. I picked up a job at a local pizzaria- I got fired for unjustly reasons and overall could rant about it all day. I'll rant to anyone who messages me about the incident because I do to anyone IRL anyway lol And now I am working at a smoothie shop which is probably the greatest EVER. I love my boss and my coworkers and the customers for the most part. A lot of funny stories and inside jokes. At one point I was working all three at once. I very briefly had a job in Telemarketing, but that was too intense and I would never recommend it to anyone. This leads me into 2017 2017 honestly may be the best year I've had (fingers crossed it continues as I am happy but stressed af). 2016 and a bit into 2017 I felt great for once because for a while there I wasn't really in the greatest spot. I had/have a girlfriend who had been a friend when we were younger and we reconnected through the pizzaria. Actually, I came out maybe a month into our relationship, something I never thought I would do. New Year's Eve I was financially stable enough that I bought a chinchilla- her name is Chinchilli but we call her Chilli and she is the greatest, as well as her sister (my girlfriends child) I got in February, Chips. I am sure once she is living with me I will constantly post pictures and videos, they are the best little shits. 💕 My best friends family is watching them and I honestly feel so appreciative and I owe them hella because they are the best. My best friend went to the Navy and I CANNOT WAIT FOR HER TO COME BACK. IF SHE READS THIS DONT FORGET I AM DRAGGING YO ASS TO THE APARTMENT. ALSO. I WENT TO MY FIRST CONCERT. AND CRIED. A LOT. BECAUSE I LOVE PANIC! AT THE DISCO SO MUCH MY LOVE FOR EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT BAND (EVEN IF IT IS TECHNICALLY ONLY ONE PERSON) SO FREAKING MUCH AHHHHH IM DED Anyway this brings me to the whole moving out thing. I really haven't told a whole lot of people over phone or text because I didn't want to make too much of a big deal over it? But I did tell some people and my family of course. Most of that was random and it spread more so by word of mouth. It was very short notice but I think it'll be great. I am looking for a second job to make sure I can pay for everything but I am financially stable enough to get through at least the first two or three months with the one job. And I am selling stuff so there's that too. Extra money where it's needed is great. But anyway. I think that was it for the most part? For everyone who has messaged me after high school or cons or anything, I really do appreciate you guys seeing what's up in my life! Like it really makes me feel loved? And even if we haven't talked in forever I am down to be messaged and we can totally talk! I have kept up with a lot of people and it's so cool to see where everyone is at!

[hoynovoy]

My 'Pretty Little Liars' Obsession Led Me To My Best Friend

“Got a secret, can you keep it?” Well, I’ve got one: Though Pretty Little Liars ended in 2017, the seven-season mystery thriller schemed its way into being an integral part of my life for the long haul, so much so that the opening credits live in my head rent-free. To this day, each time I hear the sinister theme song — “Secret” by The Pierces — I’m brought right back to my childhood comfort show (ahem, obsession). The visuals begin with a swipe of mascara, the smear of red lipstick, and a clasp of a heel onto a porcelain doll, which makes me feel like I’m watching someone get pampered for prom. Until, of course, it cuts to four girls standing in front of a casket. It's a chilling moment, one that, until Season 6B, ended with Aria Montgomery (Lucy Hale) delivering her iconic “shh.” I got cast under the show’s spell the first time I saw it, and I wasn’t the only one: Pretty Little Liars led me to my best friend.

Ironically, plotlines about deceit and betrayal actually helped ignite a long-lasting friendship. In 2011, the only other person I knew to be watching PLL was my now-BFF, Taylor, who’s been by my side for over a decade. We were only about 11 and 12 when it premiered, so shout out to our parents for letting us watch a show that dealt with very adult themes like substance use disorder, assault, and grief. Unlike our classmates, who watched tween-appropriate hits like iCarly and Victorious, we became PLL stans.

As fans know, the show is loosely based on the Sara Shepard YA series of the same name, and the first book was my entry point into the PLL universe. I loved reading about blackmailers and murderers navigating high school, but I thought I was the only one who was into it. (Was this my ~I’m different~ complex showing, or were my peers just naturally more inclined to recap Dance Moms? I’ll never know.) So, Taylor first struck up a conversation with me at school because she spotted the first PLL book on my desk — you know, the one painted with porcelain wax dolls warning to “never trust a pretty girl with an ugly secret” in a Gothic script. She asked if I’d watched the TV adaptation yet and we immediately exchanged phone numbers to text about upcoming episodes. We then fell into the fandom. Fast.

I’d never talked to Taylor before this interaction — we had only been in a few classes together — but I always saw her as approachable and friendly. Universally, the beginning of middle school is a big and terrifying year when kids from different elementary schools unite. Eager to meet new people, I reached for friendship at any chance I could get. Taylor made it easy. Aside from being a genuinely kind person (a rare trait for a middle schooler!), she was fangirling over the same thing as me.

Fast forward over a decade later, and the show still feels timeless, especially in its accurate depictions of how dramatic high school can get. It’s no surprise there’s a PLL HBO Max reboot on the way along with the remakes of other buzzy shows from that era (hello, 2010s nostalgia). Ah. It was a simpler time. Back then, Freeform was still ABC Family and for me, Tuesdays meant one thing: PLL is on. What first started as a solo viewing experience soon became a designated hangout time, a time slot reserved for me and Taylor to gush over how much we loved Ashley Benson. (We still do!)

The series had a vibe similar to Gossip Girl or Bridgerton in that a mysterious, unidentifiable pot-stirrer keeps fans guessing each episode, but it was arguably so much better since “A,” the anonymous villain, is out for, you know, murder. Ultimately, it was the type of whodunit that made me and Taylor (and millions of viewers) go down a couple of Reddit rabbit holes — remember the “Aria is A” suspicion? — and this is where my and Taylor’s experience with fan theories began.

Oh, and let’s not forget the location. PLL takes place in the fictional suburb of Rosewood, Pennsylvania, and for two girls from Bucks Country — aka the Philadelphia ‘burbs — we ate it up. The beloved “Welcome to the Dollhouse” episode was exceptionally creepy not only because the Liars get locked into a life-size replica of their bedrooms, but also because our real neighborhood looks extremely similar to their hometown. It operates like Rosewood, too, in that small-town gossip travels at lightning speed.

The Pennsylvania-based plotline also made it easier for us to identify with the characters, who felt like extensions of ourselves. In many ways, we got to know each other through their personalities. Taylor is studious and high-achieving, obviously a Spencer. And I owned feather earrings because I saw Lucy Hale sport them in Season 1, so obviously an Aria. Asking “Are you more of a Hanna or an Emily?” held as much weight in 2012 as asking someone their rising sign in 2021. While it might not say much, it also tells you everything you need to know about a person.

PLL got its start right before live-tweeting shows became popularized, so when we weren’t together, I used to text Taylor on my slide-out keyboard phone (only Zillennials will remember) to compare notes without stumbling upon many spoilers. They read something like this: “Caleb and Hanna are soul mates, TBH.” Like every other fan, we theorized about why A had to be Ian… and Melissa… and Jenna… and Mona… and, you get the point. When our elaborate speculations ran cold, we’d pause DVR’d episodes to gather more clues, like glimpses of Red Coat’s face in her second season introduction, or inspections of those eerie-gloved hands assembling dolls and sharpening knives at the end of each episode.

This game of Clue made room for conversations about all the things. We were in high school during the show’s peak, so it felt like the Liars had laid the groundwork for how to operate our school’s halls. Rosewood High was not traditional — uh, multiple students came back from the dead (*cough* Mona and Alison) — but it did prepare us for the stressors of college applications and first romantic relationships. In fact, Benson’s Hanna Marin would be proud of my matchmaking skills because back then, I introduced Taylor to the boyfriend she’s still with today.

As we both grew up with the show, our friendship got even deeper. The Liars weren’t the only ones to share secrets, and I found it incredibly easy to confide in Taylor. She’s trustworthy, level-headed, compassionate, and an excellent listener. She’s someone I know will always pick up on the second ring and is the type of friend to be there with advice, reassurance, and a quick-witted one-liner. She once joked about never needing a diary because we’ve transcribed the past 10 years of our lives via text.

Our bond has remained strong, especially because the most outrageous PLL-esque plotlines of our lives are ones we’ve experienced together. I love Taylor because I don’t have to provide background for my stories. I’m even so familiar with the cast of characters in her life that when someone re-enters after a long period, I like to say they Alison DiLaurentis’ed her.

And on the off-chance she’s not there to witness something meaningful happen to me IRL, she’s always ready to decipher what went down over texts or dinner and drinks — just like we did when we were teens trying to figure out who A was (minus the wine, of course).

The way she can reconstruct my way of thinking and offer up a perspective I hadn’t seen before is almost paranormal. Whether these are Taylor’s naturally given talents or traits learned from peeling back all the layers of the series, I’m not sure. But she’s always there to decode situations with me — whether they relate to a TV show or during moments when I feel lost.

I couldn’t be more thankful that Taylor entered my life and that PLL played a role in our friendship. I feel so incredibly lucky to know someone like her. Plus, now I have someone who is obligated to watch the reboot with me. Ali was right: Friends do share secrets. And she’s ~quite literally~ the reason Taylor’s got all of mine. Spencer and Aria, you’ve got some competition.

Get More Dating Advice Here

[fullmetalwitch]

Socially Anxious Venting...

So I'm not actually connected with anyone I know irl on here and I need to vent to the ether so here it goes. I have struggled with shyness and social anxiety my entire life. It sucks but has gotten much better over the years. But still I am horrible at finding people to hang out with. I am awkward about texting anyone and after a certain amount of time goes by, am reluctant to start because anxiety. Most weekends I stay home the entire time because it's all there is to do. I'm way past being a teenager and thankfully don't go through all the angst depressed bullshit that goes with it. Most of the time. However, I am currently doing a program (since August) where I am in a new location and my fellows in the program are the only people I know here. I don't see them all the time and I don't want to hang out with those I do all the time either (they are also rather socially anxious and there are times where I just cannot deal with hers too). So a whole bunch of people from my program who live in the same place as me are having a picnic together and I can see it on Snapchat. They aren't obliged to invite me and it's not like I have planned anything for everyone to do. But still.... I'm sad now :( one of the things I hate most about my life is how easily forgettable I seem to be but there doesn't seem to be much I can do to change it. I feel that I have mentioned to people how much I would like to do stuff and how I usually am doing nothing, but the message seems to get lost in translation. And it's not a problem of transportation because I have my own car and am more than willing to drive people. I usually go to pains to not be noticed. But it seems like a running theme in my life is that even those few who I do consider friends seem to do nothing but forget about me too...