#to tomorrow and beyond or whatever
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happy pride month!! and remember deltarune tomorr.... wait what who the hell is this guy

#undertale#utdr#deltarune#sans#sans undertale#sciencepeoples#sans and alphys#to tomorrow and beyond or whatever#pride#pride month
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anora controversy is going so crazy after the win so here is MYYY take on the critique that it's unrealistic for anora to think she's in love with vanya.
at no point do i think ur genuinely supposed to believe she's in love, but nor is the take that she's married her way out of poverty and is clinging onto that fully accurate either. to me, this all hinges on the fact that she believes HIM when he says he loves her and when he marries her. she pushes back on him and tells him not to fuck around with her when he proposes -- but then he buys her a ring and he actually marries her and he has her move all her things into her house!
as someone without money, anora can't fathom that this is a thing that can be done cavalierly. he buys a 4 karat ring, he lets her move her things into his house, and then she spends a full week there, being called his wife. i think anora allows herself to believe that she loves him because she believes that he loves her. the film, in my mind, is about this disconnect - rich people can treat life like a game without any serious consequences. they can do something like get married in vegas and drop an inordinate amount of money on a ring, because to them, anything can be undone, and no financial loss is that big of a deal. but life is not a game to anora, and she uproots her entire life and quits her job to be with him - not because she loves him, but because she believes him. she told him not to fuck around with her, and he married her to prove that he wasn't, and to him that was another part of the game, and to her that was proof he was serious, so of course, when the rug is pulled out from under her, she's shocked.
#dana rants#i also don't think vanya is aware of his motives#i think he's just dicking around and he might as well get married#i don't think he's thinking beyond tomorrow so i don't think he knows they're getting annulled#he's just being impulsive and spontaneous and doing whatever he wants like he always has#and anora gets caught in the crossfire#anora
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Have about 1k of a Thamepo fic where Po is just freaking out about Thame coming over to his apartment.
#my fic#thamepo#Idk the idea of some normie having to deal with an idol coming over was just cracking me up#also where else do you conduct a secret relationship? surely not at the idol's apartment#I clearly needed to write something goofy to get beyond whatever this block is#hopefully I can pick it back up tomorrow was a bit distracted tonight#anyway thanks to the anon who poked me on this because then I started turning some ideas
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,
#started typing out a long soppy post as i’m emotional rn but decided otherwise#i just want to say thank you to the community really#this is by far the nicest community i have ever had the pleasure of being part of#and i’ve always had imposter syndrome i guess and other fandoms only amplified that and made me feel beyond useless#and i’ve always had the misfortune of only being known as ‘[person]’s friend’ or ‘[person]’s mutual’ etc#and never as just my own person i guess#and i kind of got used to that? i got used to people only communicating with me to get to someone else - usually someone with more clout-#or followers or whatever#and ngl part of that still fucking stings#and is partly why i joined this community completely anonymous#like i am just anonymous community member fitpacs with nothing more than pronouns#and the fact i have managed to make friends and connections in this community even with that - it astounds me#and it means the absolute fucking world#i’ve never had the feeling of complete acceptance in an online sphere (i’ve dealt with irl aspects in therapy dw im fine)#so i just want to say thank you for accepting me wholly and completely in this community (q/smpblr/ratinhos/huevitos)#i honestly wasn’t expecting the warm welcome because of past fandoms#and i don’t know how ive managed to have such a wholesome experience honestly but thank you#thank you for reading my fics and my shitposts and sending kind anons (remember ‘fitpacs appreciation day’?!)#just thank you for accepting me for me and not expecting anything in return#i may regret posting this tomorrow but oh well#thank you for accepting anonymous community member fitpacs and expecting nothing in return - it means the world to me and then some
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gifts from God:
a navy blue bed-frame
a matching blue rug with an ornate pattern
a bridesmaid's dress that fits me perfectly & makes me feel beautiful
a bouquet of tulips
a fresh rose fallen on the side of the road
maroon converse, in my size & great condition
frames to house pictures that are dear to my heart
#ok i know this moodboard doesn't look amazing but it's 11pm and i need to go to bed but i really wanted to make this first#elle moodboards#journal moodboards#4.7.25#my converse arrived today! thEY FIT ME SO WELL AND THEY ARE IN SUCH GOOD CONDITION AND THEY WERE *FIFTEEN BUCKS*#i cannot get over that they are my dream color :)))))#AND MY BRIDESMAIDS DRESS? THAT ARRIVED YESTERDAY. IS. STUNNING TOO!!#and i'm just trying to keep my heart basking in God's kind little gifts He has been giving me lately <333#hung up most of my picture frames today :)) in love with my gallery wall !!! :)))) (ooh maybe i could show it off tomorrow)#there have been so many 'small' things lately that have been like.....an answer to a prayer/need and then Beyond The Necessity#like. i needed a bedframe and was content looking for one of those cheap amazon black metal ones and he gave me THIS#same with the rug! and the shoes! and the dress!!#etc etc etc :)#right ok i Need to go to bed now <3 love you all! i hope you can spot whatever little gifts God is giving you rn too!
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sometimes i wish i was reassured by someone who knew what they where doing that i was doing okay. but usually the people who seem to they know what they're doing don't and just fucking belittle me instead. why's life so hard. why did society develop this way. full of self flagellation and the fear of social connectiveness and the endless spiral of "if it's not earning you money, then it doesn't have a place".
i wish my art had a place. but it doesn't, and i'll never know truthfully if it's something people can look at and enjoy. i can say it for other people as much as i want but i don't think my thick fucking skull can receive any of it. maybe if i keep saving it, one day I will.
#strom.txt#vent#im tired. depression and ostracization fucked me up big time. i wish it didn't but honestly.#never like i had more then 3 friends at any one time#and none of them ever did art like i did.#no one to really compare myself to beyond the bigshots i only knew through a computer screen#and that's no way to learn. especially when your knee jerk reaction is to go#you suck at this you should just stop#dunno why im deciding to be depressingly reflective tonight.#ref shit got me pissed off at my own inability to do anything beyond concepts and sketch doodles#half coloured never clean like i want them to be#whatever. i'll stop moping and hope tomorrow is just better in terms of me finishing this
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Hey y'all! Weird question time, not really a medical question, more a question about doctors office response times? Below a read more in case you want to skip it:
So, last week I may or may not have passed out*, in a way different to the times I may or may not (almost definitely have) passed out before, because this time my blood pressure was not low and my heart rate was not high. I am someone with a long history of cardiac-adjacent issues, endocrine and/or brain related issues, and neurological issues**. I called my primary care doctor early afternoon on Wednesday and did not hear back from his office until after 5pm on Thursday, though the very helpful nurse I spoke to at the front desk squeezed me in for an appointment with a different doc at the same location on Thursday morning. I called my neurologist at the same time Wednesday, and I did not hear back from their office until today, the following Monday. They also were not calling to schedule an appointment. They were calling to see if I'd gotten my referral to an ENT that they send in five months ago, and mentioned they'd gotten my message that I'd "had an incident". I had to get transferred to someone else and say "I saw my primary care doctor already because you did not return my messages and I'd passed out. He did some bloodwork that all turned up normal and told me to talk to my neurologist" before they even considered getting me an appointment (which they did not do! They said they'd call me back tomorrow!) The question: Is that an unreasonable response time? It feels like an unreasonable response time to me, from both my PCP and my neurologist, honestly. Like, the nurse at the PCP's facility got me in to see another doctor, but my PCP didn't know and didn't respond for over a day, and my neurologist took five days and wouldn't schedule an appointment. I suspect the combo of past history of heart and neurological issues and passing out for the first time in years should be the sort of thing that rings alarm bells, right? *when I felt like I was going to fall down if I did not immediately lie down, I chose to lie down and had my eyes closed while lying down and I think I lost time? hard to tell though **I have tachycardia but it's never ever out of rhythm, so technically I don't have heart issues? The tachycardia tends to alarm new doctors though, like I get an express pass to an EKG immediately at the ER. The endocrine and/or brain issue is the salt wasting syndrome. Might be endocrine! Might be brain damage! Hard to tell! Thought it was endocrine for a long time but there's overlap. The neurological issues are migraines and brain fog.
#the person behind the yarn#I am okay! mostly!#pretty sure this is a salt issue#and I'm just not getting the salt warning signs (low blood pressure) because I'm on other meds for that#it could also be blood sugar. can't rule that out because both times it happened downstairs#and my blood sugar tester thing was upstairs and I Was Not climbing stairs#but like. not ideal!! would like doctors to return my damn messages faster!#I know they are overworked and underpaid and short staffed but like#what am I supposed to do? my doc back in California would usually see me same day (I know that's above and beyond)#but when he couldn't fit me in he would give me specific symptoms or thresholds to watch for#and say okay see me tomorrow/the next day but if you get worse or this specific thing happens#go the the urgent care and tell them I said you need a breathing treatment (or whatever it was)
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I don’t wannaaaaaaa 😩
#I just want to vote and then sleep until tomorrow#and then maybe beyond tomorrow depending on the outcome#I don’t want to do anything else#I have no energy or desire to take an active part in my existence today#fuck work fuck responsibilities#I’ll take care of my kid and hang out with my wife and do whatever else I can to get that sweet dopamine infusion#but that’s IT
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Liko and Amethio tomorrow..!
#both nervous and excited tbh ww#i feel like whatever will happen i'm going to have to readjust my interpretations a lot..#and look at past events to shed a new light on them. and possibly interpret them in new ways#maybe some of my thoughts will finally click into place too#so much is at stake.. all my stray thoughts since the first hz poster dropped back in early march 2023#and we didn't even know amethio's name yet#and i looked at both liko and amethio and went like. yep. i know what they want to do story wise here#so far my early hunch about them was right.. and they went beyond my expectations too#so what shift will occur tomorrow...#i have some thoughts but. i'll wait for the ep#last thing i wonder.. is it too early for amethio to be on a first name basis with liko#i'll focus on that. and see how he'll address her etc#hz065#episode notes#character notes#liko and amethio
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Small Liba redesign, because I love her and she deserves the world
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#original character#how anyone could’ve convinced her that she’s not pretty is beyond me#look at her. she’s gorgeous#and I know. I know it’s not that simple. it’s easy to feel ugly when your mother is literally perfection personified#but still. she deserved better than to feel so awfully about herself#luckily she has her brother to remind her#and later. her grandma. and her… whatever Erdene becomes to her#I’m soft for those three becoming a small tight knit family unit living somewhere in the desert#far away from the society that ruined their lives#I had a sketch of post reunion Sunat and Liba lying around somewhere… I should get to it tomorrow#I’d love to do it now but it’s 3 a.m and I’ve got school so. unfortunately. I have to go to bed#good night <3
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i wish i could just do nothing for a few days straight. maybe even just sleep for a few days straight. sooo excited for constant misery over the next 20 days
ranting in the tags. i would just scroll past if i were you
#i love college.my favorite part is sitting alone on my couch for 4 months straight and getting so freaked out over grades i spend#5 hours straight trying to avoid the urge to bite into my arm so hard i bruise or bash my head into a wall#meanwhile i keep thinking my life is over. i don't have any evidence. for the first time in my life the future isn't predetermined by#other people and now that i don't know what comes next i just constantly get freaked out. it makes me want to claw through my skin#i know something is wrong with me. it's been 5 years. i know it isn't just going to go away; especially given current circumstances#and how it's only been getting worse over time#but i continue to just sit on my couch and do nothing about it. and since i'm not doing anything about it i just feel like i don't have the#right to complain about it even though shit fucking sucks. months of my life at a time just blur together#god. i was genuinely happy last month when i ripped a bunch of booster packs with my mates that i only see over the summer (minus my bestie#and it made me realize just how much everything's blurred together. i hadn't really felt anything lasting + significantly positive#for months before that. that's not normal#god. i've been wanting to go to bed for the last two hours but i just keep sitting here going “um! you need to study. and wash dishes. and”#so i just. don't. which is already bad but i also need to get up early so i can study for my test tomorrow.#god. fucking dreading my lab tomorrow. went to it last week but dipped at the last minute without getting my work checked off#and without submitting it because i got so angry and freaked out and telling myself “man you can just leave” calmed me down instantly#and then at that point i had like nothing done and i didn't want to admit that so i just. left#if i get asked about it i'll just say it was something personal and i panicked. shrug#a part of me is beyond tempted to skip the lab again but i'm not confident in my assignment grades in that class to do so#even though i'll end up with a 5 point bonus on the final grade from taking a survey. but i'll probably go just cause#it's the second to last lab#man i have three whole ass projects due in that class in 10 days. unless my mental state suddenly improves (it won't) i'm gonna end up doin#those the last possible three days#speaking of assignments. we had to do a group project in my bio lab yeah? the methods my group went with sucked and honestly these#people were a little bit frustrating (i get it. gen ed lab at 7:30am. i'm only in it cause i panicked when a different class registration#fell through) since it always felt like they were more interested in getting done than having like. slightly decent work but whatever#but these people? these people asked me to write the conclusion for our presentation. i ask “yeah sure yeah. what did we conclude”#“eh. you can write whatever” ???????????????? HUH???? MATE THAT IS HALF OF THE WORK???????????????????#the shitty sensors and our shitty methods gave us shitty data and YOU PEOPLE CAN'T EVEN SUGGEST WHAT THE CONCLUSION IS????????? fuck me dud#i was already in a poor mood (normal mental illness plus i had found out my uncle died like three days before#like i had talked to him just last month. never had someone i know die before. sucks) but that shit pissed me off
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logically i know i need lithium so i don't go completely nuclear but if i'm gonna be crazy on lithium anyway what's the point in even taking it
#.txt#i only took it tonight because i need my levels checked tomorrow morning#i think they're out of range again. enough to mess me up. but i also think.#if i'm just fucking nuts (negative) on lithium then why should i bother#i know this is Mild Nuts compared to like. so nuclear i end up in a psych ward. but.#it's still bad enough that i ponder the merits of continuing to take this crap#it's impossible to keep my levels right so i end up crazy and maybe i'm just like.#fucked up in ways lithium can't fix. maybe my brain chemicals are beyond medication#whatever i guess i'll give it til my levels come back#which will be around when i run out of lithium. and then i can decide#i'm already on 1000mg a day i don't want to take more !!!!!!!!!!!!!! even if it makes me less crzy
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Will Roland being the representation of people who have pretty strange/still lovely singing voices who can still make it big on Broadway that we all deserve. And also the representation of people being a Manchild while still making it big on Broadway that we all deserve (said with love).
#will roland#seriously his voice is so strange and unique and amazing#the way that man is so confident in his own singing and can belt like no tomorrow is beyond admirable#seriously have you HEARD loser geek whatever#he’s so silly i’ll always love him 🥰
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couldn't go for a hike yesterday bc I was feeling too shit and im still in fucking pain today so now it'll have to wait until next weekend I guess. :-(
#i try not to let it get me too down bc its not my fault and i know i have to listen to the limitations my body is presenting me with#but also this is so shit. i didnt get to hike the last few weekends bc i had other plans and now its gonna be over a month#my period has been over for days its not fair that the pain has to extend beyond that none of this is fucking fair i want to be OUTSIDE!!!#i wish i had a fucking garden or any kind of outdoor space so i could still enjoy it without going far. drums my heels on my bed#whatever man. i might try to push thru it anyway idc if i feel worse tomorrow im gonna be at work so its shit already#ill stretch a bit and then see how i feel. pissed as well bc i wouldnt mind accepting it and staying in and painting all day if i could#at least get high enough that the pain doesnt bother me but my dad wants to call me on teams later so i need to be sober 💀#i cant take anything else for the pain im still withdrawing from codeine and still battling the residual stomach destruction from naproxen#well i guess theres always miss paracetamol. not that she does anything for me except reduce mild headaches 💔#well drs appt tomorrow ill ask again if theres anything else but ik already the answer is no and i dont wanna go on another bc#so im stuck waiting a year until my gynaecology referral goes thru. maybe ill ask again abt the hysterectomy waitlist lmao#its fine really im used to accommodating this shit. i just had 2 almost pain free weeks and remembered how good life can be#so its harder to tolerate being in pain again. when i was in constant pain for months i genuinely forgot how it felt to be pain free#which sounds miserable but actually helped me cope with it. sometimes its easier not to know anything better.. ignorance is bliss#sighs loudly and obnoxiously. aight rant over just had to get it out. yoga with kassandra save me....#.diaries
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#gorillaz#cracker island#music#this song makes me feel so transparent and vulnerable#because it makes me think of my best friend and this album released her from the misery#and i just always feel her and miss her and love how whatever she did#always reached me and healed me by soothing the ache in my heart#yknow.. like love? because it can bring you peace when you choose to accept it without ever abusing it and taking it for granted#its everything because it resonates with beauty and brings our raw emotion and no it isnt always pretty#nor should it have to always be because sometimes life is so cruel and unfair until your screams shatter the light#its natural when we always feel pain and it doesnt bother me or piss me off because i have empathy#i know suffering and i know death and i know grief the most out of all of them#haunts your mind with this emotiness and the apparitions manifest through happy fleeting memories that must be cherished forever#thats my strength tho i always remember knowing#they? FORCED ME TO. my government that abuses my rigjts to freedom and THEY FUCKING DID IT#fuck off broh stop making me take the fall and all the blame just so you can keep playing MIND GAMES#fucking piss me off broh i did the fucking assignment and your little boring ass puzzles fucking MAKE ME SICK AND TIRED#hm .. yeah.. i walk with the ghosts like the walking dead because it means nothing rather im here breathing or 6 ft under#i live for a love that still pulses my heart because thats what ever truly mattered#a fond memory of an angel who crossed over and beyond#far and free from this chemical reactive reality that can grant us life if we just choose love and forgiveness#its true.. and any mind still poisoned by the pipedream that curses you to always slumber and run away to this fantasy just to stay blissed#well.. you know what happens when we are comatose and dont wake from the dream. we fucking die soooo wakey wakey :) seize the fucking day#tomorrow is truly never promised my friend and you need to realize that#just try your best to be happy and be true to yourself and every soul that floats alongside you because ur not the only one who FEELS LOST#be kind because its not your fault or even their fault and if its rughteous anger THEN LET THEM MAKE IT KNOWN and listen patiently#we can feel the pain mutually and pull each up until we reach the surface if we swim with all our might#its possible and when courage kindness and love burns bright in our hearts?#we triumph and win because we can so we will. fearless fir chivalry#its the true purpose of our destiny that promises us our legendary dignities because we choose to fight for love like real heros
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I wish I could tell my 15 year old self it gets better and I get more normal abt dating and it's ok to open yourself up but holy shit I've never been more scared and angry
#lowkey getting worse#I'll prob be in a better mood tomorrow but whatever the fuck is wrong w me is making me completely miserable#why am i even so beyond pissed nothing happened i was crying all night i felt so scared and unimportant#my suspicion is ocd but I'm wondering if it's possible im bipolar idk... so frustrating not knowing
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