#too sad to function help
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thinking about emotional neglect and repression wrt mob please help
#i am so fucking heart broken rn#too sad to function help#and its like#i dont even dislike the kageyama parents!!! bc its so clear what they are#they are just so effective in the story theyre perfectly average well meaning parents who know actually basically nothing about their#childrens lives!!!!!#who show no interest in their childrens struggles to the point that mob doesnt even tell them good things that happen.#like joining the body improvement club they dont seem to be aware bc they seemed very surprised how well he did in the race its like they#didnt know he was training#but they still cheered for him!!! and thagt was a big moment#and i want to explode#but theyre so effective story wise they are perfect at what they are#and im just like theyre so real#jesus christ theyre not even important in the ending#the ending has every regularly reoccurring character EXCEPT his parents#nad like you can say what ever its cause its reigens birthday but like..............#goddddddddd its the end of the series theres a reason theyre not there!!!!!!!!!!!#theres a reason theyre not witnesses when we see mob laugh for real for the first time!!!!!!!!!!#im going to explode for real#theyre not even important to the story at all and thats the POINT!!!#because mob put in the work and he found other people who wanted to help him and care for him and thats the point and im so.#and its like........ I GET IT when ppl like wanna make reigen mobs dad#bc like i dont think mob thinks of their relationship like that at all#he sees reigen as more of a brother and a role model#but i think people see this one adult sticking up for this kid in a situation where he would be alone otherwise and i think thats so#relatable to so many people who WERE alone in their versions of this in their struggles where their parents were absent even just emotional#emotionally and they just want mob to be taken care of because its what we all want isnt it?#and goddddd...............#because reigen is not mobs dad hes not even equipped to be mobs dad but people see that hes trying to help and they just latch onto that#and I GET IT
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y'all i slept for 21+ hours uninterrupted? haven't done that in a a while.
#i did take extra trazodone bc taking it the first time is what triggered immediate vomitting lol i guess it still managed to take effect#i didnt even think it had time to reach my stomach or anything that's wild#unless i just slept that long bc i was so ill#that happens too#tyrell knew i was asleep that whole time and she didnt let arlo out give him food or anything :(((#he just held it im so sad#i know she cant feed him his food bc he wont let her but she could have brought him human snacks or dog treats from outside of the room :(#i know helping with their dogs is how i earn my keep since i dont help with the mortgage but like#he's a libing creature and his parent is essentially comatose how could you just leave him to hold it for nearly an entire day :(#he's too polite to wake me even if i were wakeable#is it reasonable to be upset about that?#we function as a family not as roommates#arlo is very often left out of familial things#keep in mind though arlo chomps tyrell sometimes#but not when shes letting him outside and stuff its only if like#like she cant put a cone on him#but she can do normal things like bringing him outside and stuff and she says shes not afraid of him#and has admitted that it's been her fault for the chomps bc she wasnt watching for the signals#what im saying is its not dangerous for her to let him out and she is not afraid to do so#she does when i ask her to when im very ill#but i couldnt ask while unconscious
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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society if hoo had them at uni age and the lost trio went to chb and chiron is like "how tf are ANY of u alive and unclaimed". wilderness was just community college.
#on a serious note this changes a lot actually. annabeth and percy would not be in chb anymore so when percy goes missing#its like. a genuine possibility and fear because demigods don't make it that old. there is also some added time between tlo and tlh as well#further adding to jasons isolation as being even WEIRDER than everyone else. he also would've been praetor for longer so maybe the romans#wouldve cared more. this also does away with the plot hole of ppl not giving a shit that jason piper and leo (and dylan) straight up#dipped. introducing piper especially to a summer camp makes chb less appealing because they're too old for that and thus makes their#departure from chb make more sense in toa. yet also it opens up the possibility of new rome uni.... which i cannot see any reason as to why#leo would not go there!!!!! outside of being banned cuz he bombed new rome lol. but pipers sexuality arc works for college too!!! ur never#too old to find urself. but also this is the question of if you are able to relatively function in society (this is more for piper leo fran#and i guess percy) then why would you even fight this prophecy??? anyway lol them being college aged is perfect cuz percy is literally#going to a new place and having a new transition with new ppl... like u do in college LOL. now the question is would hazel still be 13. nic#is a lot older at this point and perhaps has the same age gap as bianca and him did 🤔 cant remember. but also don't know why hazel was 13#in the first place lol. idk. in my college hoo she is just a senior in hs about to graduate from spqr and thinking about staying there or#possibly going to newru after seeing frank make the decision the previous year! SAD!#anyway in hoo. percy and annabeth are sophomores. frank and the lost trio are freshman.#but then in toa. percy annie frank and the lost trio are all graduating cuz percy got held back and Annabeth failed after tartarus fr.#but then also know that piper never went to newru and is adamant about going to mortal uni. and leo kills in newru but is bored. nvm i#forgot he died 🧍♂️ ummmmmm ok. ignore leo. and jason actually. so um. ok that really threw me off but are u getting it. that's when apollo#is like 'heeyyyyy i need help pwease 🥺' and they're all like 'dude.'#OK!#but also i ackowedge that this is a children's book and i am not its demographic so god be with you.
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#god i loathe people#i understand that everyone is entitled to their.......can i call it grief? tbd#but i implore you please don't make me deal with it#sounds selfish but if i'm being honest who's helping me cope with my grief?#who's going to make me feel better about this situation?#more importantly it's a rhetorical question because no one can#i mean it when i say that i barely have the energy to wake up & function normally every day#to not let the absence weigh me down because life unfortunately has to go on regardless of whether i have my shit together or not#the last thing i want is to have anyone project how they feel onto me#again feelings? valid#behaving in a way that's not justified? i'm not sorry but no#you want to go talk to other fans who are in the same boat? be my guest#but i've said it once i have to say it one final time: you do NOT have to live with the reality of any of this#so stop saying you can relate because you can't and i may be too tired/sad to be annoyed#but my god enough is fucking enough#i'm not entertaining any more questions/discussions unless they come from those i know only care about my well being#and that's honest to god the end of it#ugh#steph.text
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#This shouldn't be a surprise but seriously no one actually cares about my survival yes I've asked for help why would I get help#I'm functionally nocturnal and I keep staying up for like 48 hours and then sleeping for a day and I never know where I am#Or what day it is or if it's morning or night#Normal humans eat three meals a day and snacks right I think I maybe eat a snack every other day#I just don't feel hunger and my body hurts and cooking is so much effort I don't have#Weed used to help me be able to eat easily but now everything is just so hard and no food in house n cant go to store bc of ptsd too scary#I keep telling people when they ask that I am doing badly and need help but they as always just tell me to go to the store and buy food#Because it should be easy for a normal person!!! That would be such helpful and kind advice if I were normal#But I am not I am severely sick and traumatized and driving hurts so bad and stores give me panic attacks#Seriously if literally nobody cares about my struggling why not just be euthanized at this point?#This problem is so inconvenient to everyone and I have done all I can to convince people that I'm worth the inconvenience but :(#If I were worth talking to or visiting or helping people would have done that and I would be fine but I am not and that's okay#I genuinely don't mind being a husk at all#I'm just weirdly sad about it right now maybe because I think I feel hungry but genuinely I can't tell thanks autism#I also haven't been able to do my t shot in like three or four weeks I keep trying but I literally can't get the needle in :((#I imagine less testosterone in my system also makes me tired and lose my appetite#I'm so fucked up and nobody cares that I start my day at 8pm and am active and reply to emails and shit at 4am#Why would anyone notice that first of all but still. I would notice.#When even strangers are struggling I notice and I will do anything for anyone but it's selfish upon selfish to expect it back I understand#I keep looking for arfid and ed affirmations to help me but I can't find anything good#Genuinely . what the fuck#Just fucking need to be someone's dog feed me walk me put me in a cage teach me how to be better and treat me like I don't know shit#Because I don't I'm so stupid I can't even feed myself I'm dying please help me
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wheres the "why is it so saaaad" image with the cat with big sopping watering eyes ouauauuugh how I feel is the embodiment of that
#ow....... my heart 🥹#im not even really sad about anything specific its just been such a long week. and probably the comedown is enhancing it#i just want to cry snottily into someones shirt for like half an hour and maybe ill be okay#its just so haaaard. and i think the meds do help a bit but it still takes effort on my part too. and it sucks a ljttle bit that theyll-#take a while to get used to and maybe therell still be some side effects anyway. and also they could be stopped by shortages at any time#i guess it just scares me a bit the idea of depending on smth like medication just to get a little closer to being a functional human#i wish that came with existing already.. but no point lamenting abt it. the cards have been dealt and its not all that bad really#i just want to be happy.... not all the time but maybe a solid 60-70% of the time. if thats not too much. dont we all girl!!#ah my life is pretty good as it is though and i have a lot to be grateful for. but im allowed to want a little more... right 🥹#im going to go to beddddd. hopefully ill sleep better tonight and tomorrow will be a nice day. at least i dont have to work yayy#ahhh. also its my birthday soon and it always makes me sad coming up to and having a birthday i dont know why..#i dont mind getting older but i guess it makes me feel quite reflective and sometimes its hard to think about the past/future#i want to be able to celebrate birthdays and let people be nice to me and have fun about it! and i say every year ill try better at it#but i never manage to get there it always feels like too much to ask for and too much to take.. ah. well its okay really#ill make myself a cake and do smth fun. and have a good cry at some point but thats just part of the day#not for another few weeks anyway.. okay 10pm lights out zzzz#.diaries
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Ok, genuine question:
I suspect one member of the groups i listen to is the same type as me. Is there a shortcut or is it easier to know if someone has the same type as you? Like as if you had a radar to people of your type?
He's honestly so much like me I can't help but remember you telling me facts about my type 😭 I can't belive you're dragging me to the typology side of the force
But does he look like you when it comes to behavior or functions and stack? Bc you have to remember you can't type based on how someone acts - someone's functions are spotted when you ask the why and the how of their behavior.
If you type based on behavior you're not only mistyping the person but stereotyping the type in question. In you case ISFJ: closed-minded, very trustful, very caring, submissive, etc. These are NOT things that usually makes ISFJs be ISFJs, bc everyone of any type can be like that (even ENTPs, which are the opposite type.)
What makes ISFJs be ISFJs are using Si-Fe-Ti-Ne in their function stack. That's what you have to look for.
When you say he's "so much like you", is it because everything he does scream Si-Fe-Ti-Ne to you???
Does he look for comfort and security, staying is his comfort zone, having a large data of facts that are proven to be the best data, staying away from anything new and unreliable, chaotic and unreal because it's important for him to feel secure with what he knows it's more trustworthy (dominant Si - inferior Ne)? Or does he do that for other reasons? Does he do that bc of Ni reasons? Any other function reasons? See the motivations behind his behaviors.
Also check if his alleged Si is dom or aux. You have to see if his Fe is there as a tool and as a scale to the Si, not the opposite. See if he seeks out for the community (in this case the group he's a member of) to raise the sense of security and knowingness (Fe supporting Si = ISFJ). If he tends to repeat patterns proven to be the most efficient to make people get to social harmony, seeking the security and routine and physical things that bring "cozy" feelings bc he judges as more important to get that sense of "my group is feeling well" (Si supporting Fe = ESFJ), it's likely that you're mistyping him.
In case of an unhealthy type check if he seems to be in a Si-Ti loop as well. He'll completely ignore his Fe in this state. Same for grips. Look out for Ne grips as well.
Well any other questions you have you can come here and ask me bc you know i love to ramble :D
#i know i talk too much but you asked for it lol#i hope this helps you#I ALSO HOPE TO ACTUALLY BRING YOU TO THE TYPOLOGY SIDE OF THE FORCE#and no there's no shortcuts#even if you're of that type they might be very different from you so it's no use#you have to check for the functions and the stack regardless#it's sad but that's how it works#it won't be easier to spot people of your type#THANK YOU CAMILAAAAAA I LOVE RAMBLING#tio morcego tá tagarela#edit bc i thought of examples:#think Jesus and Hitler - do you think they're similar in personality? they're both INFJs#L from Death Note and Patrick Star - are they similar? “no Bat Patrick is dumb” yeah but they're both INTPs#Bubbles and Kylo Ren are both INFPs and they don't have anything in common. why? Kylo is in a Te grip while Bubbles uses her Fi really well#now if you think about the REASONS and HOWS they do/did things you will be how similar these people/characters actually are#same with the opposite situation:#don't you think my oc Victor acts EXACTLY like Tadeu does?#but Victor is an ESTP while Tadeu is an ENFP like they literally have no functions in common#they might do the same reckless and dumb shit but the reasons behind it are completely different#well aNYWAY
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the way i can literally read anything and not be that bothered but as soon as cheating happens (between the pairing i’m reading about) i’m screaming crying throwing up and experiencing endless torment
#major character death ? i’m sad but i’ll cope#cheating ? calling my therapist i simply cannot function as a person anymore#maybe it’s because it’s too close to home#but i CANNOT deal with it#i would rather die no exaggeration#rocks in my pockets i’m so serious#got me stressed out and it’s not even my relationship#this being after the post below isn’t helping the seriousness of my statement rn#just know that is one of the things i filter on ao3#that’s how deep it is#why’s it so upsetting i’m making myself sad even thinking about it
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#the thing abt me is that if u complement me in an academic context i will melt#me walking into every interview: fuck this school. i dont wanna go there. im sad. on one is gonna want me. i can hardly function. fuck this#me walking out of every interview: fuck. the project is cool and they said nice things abt me 😭#fuck. the guy from the lab i interviewed with basically said if u wanna be here i can make it happen. i like ur style and i think ur a#super good candidate 😭 and he quoted my wanky writing bc i got a bit flowery and idealistic lol#and hes on the admissions committee so he was like: yea i can support u if u want just let me kno#and fucking hell the project is cool. but the thing is i think id have to be less of a sad sac bc i think he expects a lot and is hands off#but it is a big institution with a lot of creative ppl and theyre good abt supporting interdisciplinary work#so like the opportunities there would be pretty fucking great i think. hhhhhh god. theres no way i could take the uk one now#fuck. wtf am i gonna do abt that? do i bow out now before ive committed so they have a shot with another person#or is it too late for that bc they already put my name forward to the committee#god dammit. this was the one i was supposed to b like yea no shot am i getting this. and now im like fucking considering it like#the opportunities.... but id have to live in new jersey... it would b closer to home i guess. id b back on east coast time#and i could work with Yellowstone organisms. and i bet the classes r pretty fucking rad education wise#god. decisions. im gonna play Choices by the Hoosiers like a million times#thats what i did wjen i was deciding to go for undergrad. and then i didnt even decide. i was just like... well i dont wanna go to the#place all my classmates r going. i will go 3hrs away. then 12hrs by plane for my masters#fuck. at least it went well. everyone was nice and the 2nd guy i talked to was like:#even if u dont go here. email me if u end up working with zinc and i can help. and i was like 😭#i got a bit rambly with him but whatever he was 15min late so we're even lol#i was way too nervous. but it was ok. but also i dont understand wtf other incoming phd students r like??#like they say im a good candidate and ive got good background and im like ??? what sort of losers r u looking at if u think im good?#i just think maybe what i wanna do is unique and very specific so im like not trying to do just anything. i have standards lol#and apparently im more coherent than i give myself credit for. i talk good sometimes and i have enthusiasm when i dont feel like im dying#god. i was not expecting this. i dont belong at a school working with tech startups like wtf. i come from a place of slightly trash#universities lol. well my undergrad uni wasnt so bad... well i mean the city is the butt of a lot of ohio related jokes tho. im looking at#u klinger. fucking mean streets of toledo. whatever the school im at now is worse. couldnt even keep my boss here smh#anyway what the fuck. and i got a lotta writing done today what the fuck#me being competent???? unheard of. god. imagine if i had my shit together. i could kill god. algae and other scientists would fear me#unrelated
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So much work to do but im actually doing it which scares me more than the fact i have work to do and u can tell bc i keep fucking posting like this
#laid out all my sketches i needed.. updated my carrd projects list... finalized art piece.. sketched concept.. studied from art book#fucking insane. insane. so scary so scary.#like idk it is so weird i think being depressed mustve made my adhd so much worse ?? i couldve never done this before#everything is still hard and i have to genuinely push and will myself to even attempt working on anything but like#i have enough will to win and start ? i dont lose my focus as much when im in it and if i do i know to take a break bc im understimulated?#i still forget basic things and to do things a lot but i dont catastrophize about it as much i get upset and then just fix it..#its so weird did i just fucking learn to self regulate??? is that what i was missing this whole time ???????#u get punished for like lacking focus and self regulation and have a defeatist mindset bc doing anything = punishment#but then you break through that fear and just throw yourself in and make yourself do things and u can work WITH the adhd????#my parents fucking scammed me bro imagine if i had been raised and like helped instead of called worthless for everytime i fuck up#WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THIS AT ALMOST 19. STUPID STUPID STUPID#even my old therapists.. oh you have adhd maybe if you just change your diet you will function WOWWW SOOO HELPFUL#HOW DOES THAT HELP ME LEARN TO BE AWARE OF MY SELF AND NEEDS AND REGULATE THEM TO WORK WITH MY MENTAL HANDICAPS HUH. QUICKLY#stupid... i hate every adult in the world you are all useless and do nothing <- is an adult#its so crazy 2 me to function even a little... i guess i learned easily finally bc i self analyze way too much sometimes#but like i genuinely for years predicted id just like. go right back to being majorly suicidal or something in college#bc i could barely handle highschool or getting assignments done#now im meeting deadlines on the reg... like idk. i think it is such a rare and strange and kind of sick feeling#to know like young you would look at you and be surprised or shocked . and its so sad bc like idk.#its like oh i never believed in myself huh. or believed i could have a place in the world and function and be alright#and then u have to grieve all the time you spent never trying bc u didnt think trying without failing was possible like what the hell!!!#crazy...#the gamer speaks uwu
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God that mood where you both need to do stuff and want to do stuff but both needs are vague and have too many options so you just. Do nothing you want or need to do and realize all the time you had is disappearing. A good time!!!
#haeroniel talks#forget the tag oh well#but for real. had 4 days off work and a ton of real life stuff i both have to get done and have been meaning to get done for a long time#ive pretty much only played video games and called my friends. genuinely not time wasted and i love when i get to do that#and like rn i would love to play more games and spend time with my friends like if one offers you know i never say no#but its also already getting dark and i have to go back to work tomorrow and ive not done everything i promised to have done yknow?#time doesnt feel real and i dont wanna get up even if the anxiety slowly builds to hopefully productive panic#but in the mean time im like ugghh i wanna stop laying around just playing sudoku and watching lame youtube. i wanna play something#(unclear what it is i actually wanna play too many options i kinda wanna play all of them and none huehheh)#im also very sad i havent drawn in ages and any attempt just feels shit. like maybe if i read enough fanfic thatll respark the love.#id love to post something before christmas to get me excited to draw again over the break but who the hell knows if i'll manage#and yeah still have the annoying job related/driving school related/therapy applying/other life admin that really really should be done#im just being grouchy and stuck and need to vent hi tumblr love you all kiss kiss i wish i could function better#i think maybe perhaps. ill concede that driving school and therapy arent priority (important but ive wasted ages on them already)#i think i can do work related things bc theyre sort of fun. i can use my parents help to whack through the life admin and then#maybe i can let myself spend the rest of the evening guilt free either calling my friends and/or playing or if im going totally w drawin
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dni.
#i don't know how people who do not have siblings live cause#whenever i feel the very intense and real urge to genuinely kms their faces pop up in my head#my sister laughing at my jokes after she had a bad day and saying with tears in her eyes that hey you know what i need you so much please#call me constantly when im abroad i don't know what I'd do without you#and my little brother not trusting my parents advice when he is sick because he thinks they're constantly telling him to do a hundred thing#anyway but listening to me when im giving the exact same advice asking me such innocent questions that seem so obvious#but he doesn't know because of his childlike innocence#like why are we not going to the doctor if i have fever how do our parents know how to cure it and how can i take dolo without a doctors#prescription and me laughing and explaining that it's okay it's normal it's paracetamol you don't have to worry you'll be okay in day or 2#or how he's excitedly telling me that these are the colleges i looked up are they good how do you know if they're good#he needs me so much even tho he'd never say it they've been even worse parents to him than to me he doesn't have anyone else#so then how could i be so selfish and hurt the two people who love and need me the most the two people on whom if i see tears#it feels like a stab directly to the heart?#but i can't help it. can't help fantasizing about dying#maybe myself but even better if by some terminal illness#i keep thinking me lying in a hospital bed and doctors saying there's a complicated procedure and it's very expensive and results aren't#even guaranteed so are you sure want to be treated#and me saying no please let me die my parents would protest at first they would feel it is their duty responsibility to keep me alive#but id say please i don't have anything to live for and i just CAN'T i can't do this i can't live this life it's too difficult im not#capable im already failing please just let me give up and then they'd agree#and then i would tell my father that im sorry i couldn't pay you back for all the money you spent on me my education my living expenses#but atleast now i won't ask for anymore money from you ever you'll probably get some money from the insurance policies#and i would tell my mom that sorry for being such a burden on you all these years but now you can finally be free with the 2 kids you#actually love and you never have to cook for me again or fold my clothes or feel bad that i won't attend your family functions#and i would tell my siblings that i know it's sad but please i know you guys are strong and bright and you're gonna be very happy and#successful and that's enough for me im sorry we couldn't have our dream raksha bandhan away from our parents but you can carry on without#me and ill always love you. and that would be it.#i know it's wrong to fantasize so much about dying and ive read somewhere that they may just seem like thoughts now but if left untreated#one day you're gonna have a bad day and you're gonna find the perfect opportunity and you were so sure you were never going to do it but#then you do. but i don't know how to stop
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I don't have the nerve and energy and heart and mind to complete the remaining episode 9 and episode 10 of My Dearest because what all are gonna unravel??
As far as I know/ I'm thinking with my last brain cell and gonna yap here because i dont have friends
• Jang Hyun is going to fight a 100 or so foreign intruders single handedly?? Like Mahadeera Maaveran finale and like that finale, Jang Hyun gonna die, I'm like 100% sure but still what am I hoping for??
• Ryang Eum is somehow gonna be abondoned/ imprisoned in the name of saving/ saved in the name of improsonment
• a huge fuck up between Jang Hyun and The Crown Prince
• Yeon Jun is going to stir up something or other along with that Teacher mans, that's probably going to bring Gilchae and Jong Jong to streets? After all that earnings??
• Gilchae, my queen, is going to loose everything and end up as a slave? Or almost a slave? She probably rejects that marriage proposal
• once again, Jang Hyun is gonna save Gilchae
• Gilchae going to escape the borders and either her or Jang Hyun or both are gonna get shot by that lady in blue's arrows (God I hate myself why did I come across this spoiler)
• who tf is actually standing outside the jailed area of Ryang Eum?
• um.. the bureau of beautiful shoes?? It is going to evoke jealousy of girls gays and theys whoever comes across that, dumbass Jang Hyun, you - you could go in and out as a spy and escape one country's army, get healed from smallpox, become a buisness man but can't you see what's going on in Ryang Eum's head and heart??? Dumbasss dumbaaaaaaas.
• Is Ryang Eum gonna betray, leading to death of both Jang Hyun and Gilchae????
• What about Jong Jong and Goo Jam ??? Did they die? Did they live? Did they live to see their respective lady and master to die??
• WHAT ON EARTH WAS THAT - I CANT BE YOUR HUSBAND I WANT TO BE YOUR SERVANT - MONO-FUCKING-LOGUE???
• not to be rude but I don't give a fuck about what happened to Yeon Jun but what about the proposal that Eun Ae discarded? Because of the indoctrination of senior ladies believes?? Seriously those two are perfect in the sense they stick to the rules laid down. But I hate them. If I were younger when I am seeing the show, I might be respecting their decisions but definitely not now.
• What about the sister and brother and dad of Gilchae?? WaIT WAIT WAIT OMFG?!!!!! IS THAT KIDDO THE ONE WHO GREW UP AND IS AN OFFICER AND IS IN SEARCH OF RYANG EUM AND IS STANDING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE JAIL BARS???? OR OMFG????? HELP NO MY BRAIN CALM DOWN PLEASE
• Is the Crown Prince gonna die on his way back to the palace? Because in first episode they do mention as 'former Crown Prince'??? So what now?? The Crown Prince's son is next in line? Or did that King guy gets cured and lives and rules???
• Does Khan and his army withdraw? I mean not possible? How will that happen overnight?
• Jang Hyun and Crown Prince were upto something and was bashed to the extent those were are removed from the register? I can't even phantom
• Gilchae is a mini buisness woman, Jang Hyun is a huge successful 'rat' of a businessman according to Chinese and within himself, he is so ready to meet Gilchae again, he is so ready to return. Ryang Eum was so happy that he wanted to return before them and prepare the house and food?? God save Ryang Eum. Yeon Jun got released despite the absolute wrath of the King. Crown Prince is doing a great job being a captive puppet, and is even given holiday.
Sure now that i lay down everything I can remember after pausing ep9 four days ago, I can see how impossible it all looks, it's never all roses and rainbows, even in a kdrama or a real life let alone in a period drama.. like damn.
Everything is going to go upside down. Like Captain Jack Sparrow's ship. And only Ryang Eum is going to survive.
They let the gays live but at what cost??
I wish I had the emotional space and depth in me to be more invested in the show than I am now. But my depression isn't going to let me. It took me these many days just to sit and think it all.. idk how they wrote the story and did the shooting and edited and aired and won awards OHMYGOD I'm tired I'm tired
I need energy. I need friends. I need acceptance. I need communication. I need somebody. Alexa play I need somebody by day6. I need somebody who would talk to me and listen to me talk and I don't even remember how to talk to anyone anymore.
#my dearest#depression talks#i need somebody#i have a lot of thoughts#for someone with a single functioning brain cell#my dearest k drama#i dont want spoilers#i want to have more emotional involvement in my own mind and in life and that will help in being emotionally invested in a fiction too ig#im sad
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like idk i think if youre going to make the emotional thesis of your game be about how you have to let things go & that you can't keep on living the same way with the same people forever then you should. maybe follow through on that. and actually demonstrate this as fact for how your story functions
#its hard to describe the specific way that isat approaches certain topics because a lot of the time i feel like its not... actually written?#its like. it has its characters Say Things to address certain topics#but in such a way that it never actually meaningfully affects the story#like. if siffrin's single greatest fear is abandonment from his loved ones and that this fear was so deathly overwhelming#that not only did it trap an entire country in a time loop but also nearly caused the literal end of the world#then.. the conclusion being ''siffrin does actually get to stay with his friends for practically forever and he was worried over nothing''#with only the smallest tiniest asterisk appended that *yeah he'll technically have to learn how to part ways eventually#*but he doesn't have to do that now. because thats too sad. that can wait for later#its like..... i get you don't want your little found family broken up but#not actually breaking them up in the end does kind of feel like sabotaging the thematic core of your own work#isat spoilers#i'll relent here though that this particular point may not be the exact message/theming the game is ultimately trying to get across#i think the entire game is more of a thing about siffrin's insecurities and self hatred clouding their judgement#and eventually impairing their interpersonal relationships#so having the ultimate conclusion be a wholehearted affirmation that siffrin is actually loved#even at-- especially at-- their absolute lowest#& that their friends wouldn't so easily abandon them#is like. yeah. .its really sweet.. but theres. something still missing from that#& i think its that the ending inadvertently ends up undermining siffrins agency in all this by having Loop be the one to reveal#everything about the timeloop rather than siffrin themself. esp when so much of sif's strife comes from desparately trying to keep it secre#to their own active detriment & to their friends' own active detriment. his blatant refusal to accept Any help is hurting Everyone#you could argue that having loop reveal it still ''counts'' in some form because loop is an alternate self of siffrin but...#loop & sif are... narratively functionally two separate characters who have two entirely different purposes#and it just. doesnt work. it should have been siffrin who told his friends face first about the timeloop. about his situation. about all hi#passive lies. & the fact that the truth had to be further coaxed out of him from his Friends feels only further unsatisfying to me
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Today I was talking with my mom about why seeing an alligator is fundamental to my mental health. At first she laughed but I got her to listen and she gets it now. My psychiatrist and I call this the alligator litmus test, and it works really well for making decisions about my treatment. I bring this up because perhaps there is something in your life that you can use in a similar fashion.
I have severe major depressive disorder, and I treat this depression with medication. I've been on meds for about... seven years now, and sometimes we have to mess with them. But sometimes the emotional part of the depression is just super bad and there's something underneath that needs to be addressed. When we are figuring this out, my psychiatrist says to take one alligator and call her in the morning.
See, no matter how bad I'm feeling, seeing an alligator almost always cheers me up in the moment. (This works with other large crocodilians, too- they gotta be big, it doesn't work with caimans. I don't know why.) I can't look at their goofy toofers and beautiful eyes and bumpy hides and not be a little wowed by them. Millions of years of evolution have led to this amazing creature and they are completely unbothered by me. Almost all of the time, they make me feel happy. Or maybe I'll feel sad for some unspecified reason. Maybe I'll get worried about the ecosystem or something- but invariably, I will FEEL.
Unless, of course, it's my brain chemistry. If I can experience an alligator and not feel anything- not happy, not sad, just numb- there's something wrong and we should talk about adjusting my meds. Usually with a little tweaking I'm back to my very functional medicated baseline in quick order- instead of wasting time with coping skills and such alone when what I really need is brain chemicals, it's a much quicker way to communicate what's going on with me. At the same time, it also helps me know when the coping skills ARE likely to work without changing up my meds, or when there's something I need to work through with some help.
It's a pretty solid test. Might not work for anyone else on the planet, but it works great for me!
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